#Really isn't even close to someone irl telling you they like your acting

[seawitchkaraoke]

The great thing about my (not tiny but not insanely high) follower count, none of which are tumblr celebrity who can curse me with notes, is generally posts won't get too many more notes than I'm expecting. I'll tag my vaguely insightful fandom takes or jokes with the fandom tags and then sure they'll get notes and occasionally even dip into the hundreds or occasionally thousands of notes. But in a mid sized fandom that just released the most recent episode that's not super surprising and it also isn't a problem bc those posts don't lend themselves to ppl getting super discoursy or mad about them

But the fun thing is. Despite the fact that I do have a decent number of followers at this point, none of them care about my untagged hottakes about "thing I saw that made me mad" of the day. They all follow me for some fandom or another that I once did a good post in and I'm probably consistently disappointing them by not posting about that fandom enough

So I can still be a hater on main bc as long as I resist the urge to maintag whatever I'm ranting about, it's gonna get at most 3 likes from a couple of mutuals.

It's disappointing occasionally bc I'll be like "this is such a hot take and I am so correct you should all reblog" but then I quickly calm down and recognise the blessing of not getting anon hate

[rubylovessharks]

Hiiiii! I just stumbled across your blog and I’m in love. (Me rn-😍😍😍) Anywayssss, would you be willing to do some sfw/nsfw head-cannons for the seven demon brothers from obey me? If not all seven Asmo, Beel, Belfie, and Levi are my faves! Thanks so much in advance if you don’t want to do this I completely understand and my feelings won’t be hurt.

Please remember to drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest. With luv, Madzzz. 💜💜💜

^^^^Btw this is me manifesting you see this^^^^

omgg ofc i can!! (try-) alsoo thanks for the whishes, staying healthy is super important, so you should too! :D <3 gn!mc x the demon bros ;) considering the fact that you havent specified the gender of the mc im doing gender natural if thats ok- ok! so! sfw and nsfw hcs!!

so sorry if this wont be what you were hoping :(

Lucifer

🩷sfw🩷

can we all agree that this guy when he gets drunk he becomes clingy af?

he just sends you a bunch of messages telling you to come over

and when you do come over he's just laying in bed there, eyes half closed and face red.

anyway you get the point. when Lucifer gets drunk he wants to cuddle you for a few good hours

drunk times aside- normally your actual dates are more active.

by which I mean either you two talk about random stuff or Lucifer takes you somewhere

❤️nsfw❤️

the only time I think Luci will be willing to get fucked is when he's drunk. but you do need his consent waaay beforehand. as you should irl too

other then that he doms all the time.

I feel like he'd be into bdsm

i kinda think he'll be into rope stuff. he seems like the type who'd want to tie you up, but also in a pretty way ;)

also spanking.

Mammon

🩷sfw🩷

the typa guy who'd give you gifts saying he "coincidently" found it(asifhewasntlookingforthebestthingtogiveyou) and the moment someone sees you with it and asks about it and you say that it's from your boyfriend he becomes the happiest ever <3

also is really into pda, like he won't admit it- but he NEEDS to hold your hand in public. how else will people know you are his???

Mams is also really into kisses. like any kisses really- forehead kisses, cheek kisses, hand kisses, nose kisses ANY KISSES

unfraternally he'll sometimes come to you to ask to borrow money.... but he'll get you back

with a kiss on the cheek and the possibility of taking your walking privilege...

❤️nsfw❤️

switch, leaning to sub

the last thing I said about your walking privilege is true. Mammon thinks he just needs to fuck you hard enough as payback for letting him borrow some money

and with the stamina he has, it's totally enough to fuck your brains out ;)

I think he's into cuffs, won't matter if it's on him or on you, but if they go on his hands it has to be roleplay

what roleplay? cop stuff :3

Mams acts as an inmate or robber who just got caught, and you as a cop who is arresting him or punishing him

kinky stuff ya know?

I feel like he'd be into getting his cock milked as you ride him for hours upon hours

maybe has a choking kink? towards him I mean- he's too scared to choke you to death.. but there is a possibility that he'll choke you when he fucks you out of jealousy

Leviathan

🩷sfw🩷

gaming dates <3

canonically Levi isn't really one to like going outside so it makes sense that he'd prefer to hang in his or your room (mostly in his)

it'll take him some time until he'll actually be comfortable to be all touchy and physical.

but i like to think that even then he'd be more simple and not all clingy

aquarium dates ♡ once in a while, when he's actually ready for the outside world

he finds aquarium dates to be a little bit fun once or twice a year

but yeah it's mostly just gaming dates and dates where you watch anime and such-

AND cosplay dates

mostly ruri cosplay dates, but still cosplay dates as a whole ♡

❤️nsfw❤️

like with physical touch it'll take him a long time until he'll be ready for sex

he'll be all blushy and, sorry, kinda sweaty when sex is mentioned.

he's just so not used to it :(

LEVI IS A SUB.

well switch technically- but he's more in the being fucked out of his mind position then the fucking you out of your mind position

but how do you get him in a domy mood? probably either by making him jealous, or in a more competitive mood.

what do i mean? well just egg him on, tell him that you can totally win this game round, and the next one, and the next one. well you gotta win for it to actually work- but still. the more you do it the more upset he is

it doesn't work all the time, but he has a bit of a competitive side ;)

he's a kinda kinky guy, he'd probs be into things like tons of praise but with a mix of humiliation (to both sides)

like if you were to tell him that he's been soo good for you and what he does is probably sit on the floor while his mouth and face is being used for you to get off

Satan

🩷sfw🩷

reading dates :D

can happen in his/your room, but can also happen out in a cat cafe or a park outside :3

and if you aren't a person who likes to read Satan is willing to read for you once in a while

you and him will definitely take in cats without Lucifer's agreement, you'll just keep them in Satan's room or your's and take care of them there.

you, him and Belphie are out to get Luci. and if it's just the two of you without Belphegor it feels like a date idea for Satan :p

from time to time you'll hear Satan talk on and on about different research stuff that he's into for the time being

and you'll tots be hearing this guy talk a lot about his detective books

❤️nsfw❤️

cockwarming while Satan reads.

is there more to say? like do ya'll need an explanation????

this is getting in a more kinky-noteverydaykinks territory but can we agree that Satan is into collars?

it just seems right idk. like it won't matter to him who's wearing it- he likes wearing them, and seeing them on his s/o

another switch, i mean i like to think that most of them are switches.. but like I'll still say it every time.

leaning into dom territory, but he won't mind being fucked into oblivion

angry sex. who knows what might've started it but if he needs to take out his anger on something your hole will be number 1 (ofc he you say you dont want to he wont- everything is consensual)

also into roleplay stuff, probs petplay. kinky stuff

Asmodeus

🩷sfw🩷

first thing I'm going to say is painting nails dates. spa dates. any beauty care dates will happen.

and you can't escape it :)

he WILL post you on any of his social medias with captions that say things like "look at my lover ♡ aren't they the cutest!?" :3

I think Asmo will be the type of person who'd like to get gifts as a receiving love language, and as a giving love language it'll be physical touch

i feel like as a whole he likes being physical, I mean have you seen this guy?? but I think he feels more special when you buy or make him gifts <3

❤️nsfw❤️

THE KINKIEST GUY EVER

like he literally is the avatar of lust. like doesn't that make him kinky enough??????

switch and it's literally is 50/50 with sub and dom with him

toys. toys all the way. when he doms he uses toys, when he subs he uses toys. toys are something he really likes

of course there will be times when he doesn't want to use them and really get more lovey dovey ♡

during sex you two may switch between sub and dom at least once.

Beelzebub

🩷sfw🩷

shares with you anything he wants to eat ♡

it'll probably be half eaten if he already has his hands on it but he tries his best to control himself so you'd at least have even the smallest of bites <3

he sometimes accidentally bites you, like not super hard and painful but there are times it leaves a mark-

can and will give you piggyback rides if you ask him

when you two go to a restaurant and in typical Beelzebub fashion he eats too much and the bill is huge he'll tell you he'll be the one paying, even for your share.

COOKING DATES!!!!!!!!

sure he might eat half of the ingredients- but he'll try his best to not eat it all so you two can have a finished product ♡

❤️nsfw❤️

I know everyone says this but it's true. this guy eats you out like a pro.

and it doesn't matter if you have a pussy, a cock or anything else- it doesn't matter. he knows how to put his mouth to good use. and he can go FOR HOURS and not get tired. it's like his favorite thing♡

we all know this man is packing. probably has the biggest dick of them all(maybe diavolo's is bigger who wants to help me measure :))

and he's so sweet when you try to take him ♡ ♡ ♡

he'll tell you things like "You can do it" "I know..it is pretty big...but you took it before!" with such a sweet smile you know he says this not to make fun of you, but because he actually thinks you can take his huge cock ♡

Beel will proooobably lose control and kinda start fucking you like an animal in heat after a few while of fucking

but after that he does such nice aftercare!

Belphegor

🩷sfw🩷

naps all the way :3

you are the pillow. you can't say anything but yes.

I like to think that he has dreams about you, and if he dreams of something that he's actually willing to do in real life he'll ask you if you'd like to do it :D

when you two do go out he likes to hold your hand, for more then just pda. he might fall asleep while standing and walking from time to time, so you can notice if he fell asleep or not.

do you know what I think you two might do? go to bed stores and try out the beds :3

❤️nsfw❤️

sadistic fuck. (affectionate)

he's a dom, even when he's half asleep.

I think he'd kinda tell you to ride him even when it looks like he's about to fall asleep, and the moment you stop he's immediately awake telling you to continue

will degrade you, like he's real mean

he does like the idea of chocking you but ya know.. might take a while....probs a few years-

well anything too dangerous will take a few years until he feels like he can actually do anything to you..

he's into anything that can and will humiliate you

he'd be into somnophilia but towards himself

maybe towards you? with consent ofc but mostly towards himself

why? cuz he can and will fall asleep during sex. and if it's something like you riding him he'd be totally fine with you still going even when he falls asleep.

[goat-guy-tm]

I was talking about deep analysis of Curly and Jimmy's dynamic in my discord server (which you should join), and I thought "Hey! Maybe tumblr would like this!" So, here this is! It's a rough copy paste of what I said, edited slightly to fit better in a post format:

Also long post warning.

I feel like because a lot of ppl haven't experience people like Jimmy irl they have a hard time understanding why Curly acts the way he does, and by no means is it still 100% okay, but when you know someone that's been mentally manipulating you for years if can become easy to be tunnel visioned to they pain they cause others. I think a big example of that is when Anya shows concern over Jimmy's last psych evaluation but when Curly does it Jimmy (from the little text we get about it) tells him it was just all jokes, which could have been, but when it's just Jimmy and Curly it's much lighter in perspective, because Curly believes him, and Curly sees no reason for Jimmy to lie to him about his mental state (which he obviously was doing as he has quite the psychotic break a few days later)

Not to mention, Jimmy gets quite aggressive at Curly when he notices that Curly is rethinking his career. He activly calls him horrible things for 'not appreciating his position and wanting something new' (<not direct words but overview), when if Jimmy was a good friend he would have been talking about it with Curly. Instead he shames Curly for it, that in Jimmy's mind it's unfair for Curly to not be happy cause Curly has a better seat than him, but he'll frame it as them, the whole crew, to make Curly feel bad about it.

Like, when the rest of the crew learned they were going to be let go after that haul, none of them were really mad at Curly for him being the only one to be given a recommendation and compensation. Yeah Anya and Swansea are upset about it, but only Jimmy is the one to call out Curly for being the only one to relieve special treatment, when it's pretty established Curly is/was one of Pony Expresses' best pilots. But Jimmy doesn't talk about himself during the party. Swansea mentions how unfair it is that PE is throwing them to the side after all these years, Anya almost has a panic attack over not having any money in savings, Daisuke isn't really phased since he's only an intern, but Jimmy gets mad at CURLY, not Pony Express. He even full on calls it Curly running away, as if Pone Express closing them down is Curly's fault for wanting something different for his life

I mean what's wild to me is I'm p sure Curly even has a conversation with Jimmy in the game about how he hasn't been handed anything and has been working hard for where he is. Curly never out right really says it, but he does make mention of both of them working hard. Then again Curly doesn't talk about himself a lot even in conversation (minus the "on the edge of a bridge with your feet in the cememnt" one cause Jimmy made it about him)

When going back through the playthrough, I realized Jimmy is such a well written villian because he convinces even Curly that Curly is the villian here, the one in the wrong. Curly isn't perfect, he is quite literally the imperfect victim, but Jimmy is such a big manipulator that he convinces Curly it's HIS fault all this is happening, that Curly needs JIMMY so that he can fix all this, only for Curly to realizes what Jimmy's been doing when he finds Jimmy curled up outside the cockpit with a ship wide system failure blaring.

Buddy Corl: "Hey, just an idea, would Jimmy keep Anya alive so that Curly can stay alive? He berates her medical expertise but never elects to care for Curly beyond feeding him pills."

I'd say 50/50. A big thing is Jimmy quite obviously doesn't view Anya as a person, or at the very least views her as bottom of the barrel useless, but after the crash and with Curly how he was, there was no way he'd be able to do it and survive, because the entire time Swansea has the axe and Jimmy even recognizes that if he steps out of line too far within the lines of "I'm captian so I say so", then Swansea would basically usurp him. His own personal caring for Curly was most likely to keep him suffering. He voted on keeping Curly alive, and unless he was just trying to blend in with the others, then he did it because he wanted to keep Curly suffering.

Friend Corl again: "There was a Tumblr post that claimed the hands of the others were missing (the overview angle of Curly on the table was used as evidence) but this could just be the angle of the scene itself as he was going to die shortly after."

Hm, it could have been either the angle, a rendering choice from the devs or Jimmy could have cut their hands off. Idk why he would only go for the hands though, since he seems to show full intrest in cannablism. But you could chalk it up to a concept of keeping them from being able to do anything. Yes they are dead but Jimmy is far gone enough to believe that cutting their hands off could still make him better because they can't do anything to change what he's done.

Anyways that's it! For some context on why this is so important to me, from elementary school to the end of middle school I had a 'friend' that I was extremely close with. She was a horrible person who mentally, emotionally and physically tortured me for years, but since I was a child I never saw anything wrong with it. I would even rush to her defense when people would point out to me that what she was doing was bad. Now a days I hate her, and I love to talk shit about her, but I think a lot of people don't fully take in Curly's actions because they haven't gone through that (and they shouldn't, mind you).

I feel for Curly a lot, because I see myself in him in how he tries so desperately to protect someone he didn't even realize was killing him. Curly isn't perfect, and believe me I wasn't perfect when I was friends with her. She made me act out against people to gain her approval, she made me bitter and mean to others, do things I would never do. Very few people acknowledge what an over powering manipulator that has been controlling you for years can do to a person.

[dido-reblogs]

Nah cause are your request still open?? Like can you do smut? This in my mind all day.. Don't know how to say this but... Yeonjun stalker (non idol) and twitch streamer Reader? Lmaooo I know it's cringe enough but I really wanted this😭😭

a/n: i went overboard and it turned out a lot darker than i thought so sorry anon if this was not what you wanted.

disclaimer: this is a lot darker than my usual fics and contains stalker yandere behavior and revarding this behavior, just know that this kind of action is problematic irl and i do not condone or try to romanticize these kind of actions!this is all fiction!

warnings: stalking, yandere!yeonjun, dom!yeonjun, sub!reader, bdsm, possesiveness, gagging with underwear, degradation, dacryphilia, bondage, yeonjun beats reader up but it is a consensual action,stomach punching, edging(?), reader's mental health is fucked up so she acts self destructive, basically she just lets yeonjun be as problematic as he wants, let me know if there is any that i have missed!

it was as if you were asking for someone to stalk you. always posting your location when you go to a coffee shop or showing the interior of your house which was pretty similar to yeonjun. it was the exact same interior of one of his friends. just to make sure, he followed you home after your post revealed that you were having a brunch in a nearby restaurant.

as he learnt you flat's number, he also checked up your locks to see whether or not it would be easy to break in. he convinced himself that he wasn't actually gonna do that. it was crazy and sick even for him. he was contend with seeing you afar.

but it all changed in one of your streams you talked about a guy you liked. when you talked about his appearance, yeonjun realized you were talking about him. so that menant you saw? and still did nothing to stop the guy who follows you everywhere. were you into that? crazy, he thought.

even though he liked the idea you liking him, the fact that you were still into him after all he had done made him think how stupid you must be to fall for him or too naive to even notice.all he had to do was to use this to his advantage. and with that you saw a 1k tip telling you to confess to him.

it is all gonna worth it, he thought. and since you accepted his challange, there was only one thing left to do, to wait.

he was there sitting close to you waiting. you with all of your courage went up to him. you greeted him, so did he. and finally you said it. "i have been seeing you around for a while. and couldn't help it but you caught my attention. i was wondering if you were up for a date? with me of course." he smiled with victory. he was right even though your description of him wasn't that specific. worth every penny, didn't you?

after he gladly accepted your dating proposal, you two made plans for your first date which ended up being the best date you ever had. of course it would, he knew everything about you. this included what you liked and what you didn't like in a date. even though it is your first date you ended up inviting him over.

you finally felt the need to confess. "you are a dangerous person, right?" a shocked but not surprised expression covered his face. "you want me and you can hurt me. i knew you were stalking me. but instead of being disgusted with the idea, i craved you. i will let you hurt me, i just have one condition."

"what is it?" he asked. "keep me. isn't that also what you want? you probably didn't stalk me for a whole year that i know of and paid me a thousand dollars to confess to you just for one fuck but i need to know for sure." he laughed to your desperation. "of course i am going to keep you but the real question is why do you want this?" you didn't know how to answer. and you sure knew if it wasn't yeonjun but some unattractive middle aged dude in front of you, you wouldn't even want this. "i don't know. maybe i think i deserve it or maybe it's just that you are hot and i am stupid." he smirked.

"come here." he ordered. as soon as you went up to him, he lifted your skirt to took of your panties and stuffed it into your mouth before getting you fully naked. "will you be okay if i were to hurt you anyway i want?" you nodded desperately. "good girl." he praised. "ah some part of me thinks you are too precious to do what i am about to do yet i also need to put desperate slut in her place." you felt fear and excitement covering you whole body at the same time. also he thought you were precious? you felt soft even in a situation like this.

"go to your bed, now." you immediately followed his orders. and layed down on you back. "good girl." he gave you the same praise before punching your stomach. your eyes opened with shocked but you couldn't deny how it turned you on. just as you calmed down a little another one followed. "such a useful whore for me. taking everything without questioning." and another one.

your eyes starting to tear up with pain, your body squirming without your control, he decicmded to tie you up. after finishing the fourth punch followed. "one final one and then we are done, okay?" you nodded. even though you liked it, you were glad than it was soon over. and when the final punch hitted your stomach you screamed in pain audible even in your gagged state and actually started crying.

"i know, i know. but you should see yourself your cries are just masterpiece. you can't even imagine how turned on i am." as you were calming down you felt his hands on your cunt. playing and toying with it, never letting you orgasm. "we are going to have so much fun~" he said while you stared his dar gaze.

credits to: @/cafekitsune for +18 banners!

[entropicbias]

your existence is genuinely befuddling to me. like i mean this in the absolute nicest way possible, which is kinda stupid because it's going to sound incredibly condescending and mean anyway. i just do not understand how you can build your life and personality around a character you ostensibly have the same name as and get offended when people ask if you are roleplaying or kinning or treat you as a character. especially in the homestuck community. understandably i'd get pissed too but in this community people seem to lack critical thinking skills and you seem aware of that too

i think the way you type everywhere and the fact that a lot of your friends do the exact same thing as you but with other characters from hs gives it away

im not even necessarily saying it's a bad thing to kin a character but if you're gonna do it, it just seems disingenuous to frame it as "i've always been this way"

i understand that i am an asshole for even insinuating that you're just playing a character or maybe it's just that people noticed that you share some similarities with a certain character and you just play into that for fun or something

so i guess my question is whether this is just a huge bit or not. you don't even have to answer this i was just wondering as somebody who previously built my entire identity around a fictional character before

(very well said. john egbert isn't really unique in personality. maybe you should've gone to someone who acted like xehanort. i think that would've landed you a better answer.)

here are multiple tweets of me humoring comments i get regarding this. and also casually telling people i'm not doing a bit, and i don't think i'm john egbert from homestuck. very casually, i've only gotten offended when people have associated me with the character to make assumptions about my personal life and my identity. i'm not sure where else you've seen me "get offended over it" like it's a federal issue. i am pretty aware that that is a normal assumption to make based on what i act like.

here are some youtube comments i made when i was nine or ten. i have never typed exactly like this for all my life consistently. just like any other person. i have had phases where i've just changed to adjust to whatever was big in internet humor and language. but, using periods is just muscle memory to me.

my friends are also their own people. matter of fact, i am friends with a lot of them because this is a shared experience. you see many people in the fandom who have either been like me or there are many cases where people are transgender and have taken on the name and look of a character they relate to. or some people are genuinely just like, people with DID.

there was a brief period in my life where, because of the way i was, i was told i needed to associate with an identity close to how people claim they are "irls" of characters. but i was also 15, and i was a very impressionable kid. and you have to remember that this was like, a trend. even so, i don't think i have ever publicly associated myself with the label at all. it was just a thing i picked up from some weird friends i had going into the fandom. i am obviously grounded in reality, and i am my own person!!!!

i do not currently "kin" or say i "kin" cause that is really gay. no offense to kinners, the concept is fun! it just got ruined by fandom people.

john egbert is more like a persona to me than anything! but it's not like you could tell my drawings of him and me apart. again, not a federal issue.

i think this was a really presumptuous way to ask me this question, like you've completely figured out my act out or something by insinuating that i am being disingenuous. i would have a lot more respect for you if you either approached me privately or didn't make the only way of answering your question to publicly have to tell people i am not lying about my image. i'm really only answering this because i'd hate it if other people thought the same. so, let me clear the air!

i am not building my life around john egbert. that is not even possible at this point because i am a grown ass man. if i wanted to be more like john egbert, i wouldn't draw gay homestuck art as my main hobby.

does this answer your invasive question.

[sualne]

.

today should be a good because im finally seeing my endocrinologist after a over a year and i should get my first hrt prescription and soon first tshot but i feel kind of doomed because my dad said if melanchon win the election he'll move out without me leaving me homeless and im worried about my siblings, one got a good job she loves and pays well and a hotel situation, she's much smarter and competent than i am so i think she should be able to handle it, other sibling just got her own place and will start moving soon, it's only for school so i don't what happens once that's done, i'm not even sure he plans on throwing them out actually, i think he loves them but the possibility worries me. i don't know what he'll do with their stuff since one will be away and all that, he's always threatening to throw away mine but i don't know how it'll work them, maybe they'll be completely fine actually.

this isn't out of nowhere either, he's been threatening to throw us out for years and to send me to an asylum/mental hospital since i was 15 so i know he's a bit strange like that. even if i went full time my job still wouldn't pay enough for me to get my own place so i've been looking for collocation around and maybe i could manage smth if i get some more hours of works, otherwise i'd have to live on less than 100-200€ a month with everything paid (no counting food). it took me 3 years to get this job so i really don't think it'll be possible for me to ever get another one, i don't have enough years to send resumes constantly that i even do it in my dreams, plus i've looked into it and all the job offers pay about as much anyway so it wouldn't change a thing. i can't move all the way to live at some family member's place because my gender clinic is here and i don't know often i'll have to go there, the back and forth could cost a bit on the long term and i know i can't restart the process from the beginning where they live because last i heard they closed the queues there because they were too many ppl and won't accept anymore. and again, im sure i could ever get another job.

i actually did have a job in the three years it took me before getting this one, i was a comic colorist and it paid nicely for 7h to 12h of work per week but nobody considered it a real job since it was art and done on a laptop/at home (plus it turned out it wasn't exactly legal, no fault of my boss, she was an independent student employing someone for the first time) so i was so happy when i finally found this one, it's a real job, nothing to do with art and you go outside but my family was already yelling at me about it before i'd even gotten it, my dad said "you have no self respect" and when i told my grandma she said "you can't do this your whole life" but i'd just signed my contract, i hadn't even started working yet, everyone was and is still acting like that's not a real job, that i need a real one and refuse to believe me when i tried to explain i genuinely love it because i help ppl, a lot of them are chronically ill or disabled so it make me happy to help them, they're my ppl and i feel like i'm actually useful but no one is happy for me, i don't understand. i don't think my body will be alright on the long term if i go full time and like i said im in the process of getting some long overdue diagnosis and hopefully help/treatments for a few health issues.

that's one thing too they act weird about, no one irl believe me when i say i'm losing my sight, i tried to explain it's been going on since i was at least 18 and now i can't see on the sides but they keep telling me it's nothing and not happening but also my fault? and everyone, not just my family keep saying things like "then you really need to learn how to drive while you still can" but i'm going blind so i can't drive and they won't understand that, it's so weird??

back to moving out, if i do somehow end up finding a place to live i don't have friends or anyone so i can't ask for help to move all my stuff (ive got a Lot of books), i don't want to abandon my things, i've bought most of them and they're actually mine so i don't want to have to loose them. i've no idea what to do and i'm kind of at lost, had a horrible night thinking about it when i'd been looking forward to today for months. it's so weird i might just loose everything now that im happy, if my siblings are safe then at least that's that, im reassured but i wanted to be happy for longer than just that, i actually want to live and all now and i've got projects i've been working on since october and they're nowhere near to be finished and i feel really bad that i might not be able to finish them because i know a few ppl where genuinely looking forward to it and i don't want to disappoint anyone.

it's weird also because dad's been buying new furniture so if he plans to move out that seems like a pointless thing to do because that'll be more stuff and trouble to transport and he's the one who's been pushing me to decorate my bedroom but then he keeps turning around and say he'll throw away my thing and me too, that i need to some activity like join a club but then say i don't own enough money to waste on useless things and should work more but get a real job first, he contradicts himself a lot so i've no idea what to do.

[leightonfucker]

Trans girl sydney thats all 🙏🙏🙏

yes yes yes a thousand times yes. as obsessed with impregnating and/or being impregnated by the accursed cisgender sydney as i can be, i really do think trans* sydney is peak sydney, and trans girl syd is my favorite.

i think of her so often. p!syd doesn't quite understand the concept of a chaser or fetishization, she's flattered people like her but gets dysphoric if they focus too much on her cock. squirms uncomfortably being called a futa or a femboy but is too shy to say anything to the contrary. having said that! if she weren't so sheltered, she'd delve into corruption pretty quick. she'd absolutely be on social media posting pics of herself in chokers and crop tops and miniskirts and striped thigh-highs, extolling the virtues of gock and galls. dom 4 money, likes having a little extra cash for herself; generally a sub-leaning switch irl, though she won't pass up the chance to commit acts of sadism or be on top n breed. the kinks don't go away, anon, not in the slightest.

she strikes me as pretty likely to be t4t, would at least prefer someone who's queer so they could relate to her struggles seeking acceptance in the temple. her parents were very kind and supportive, and jordan was as well, but other initiates weren't always so kind.

when she finally meets you, it's just... it's so refreshing, to have someone who completely and utterly accepts her as she is. she's not like kylar, who doesn't care for acceptance so long as you'll keep your holes open wide for him. sydney wants to be loved, and though she keeps her secrets held close to her chest at first, being able to open up to you about everything... it's like a dam breaking. she's so so so happy she has you.

sex with her isn't quite as complicated as it is with kylar. she has her kinks, sure, but she's perfectly happy to keep it vanilla so long as it's pleasing you, assuming you'd keep her pure. if you corrupt her, though, you're in for a treat. she's gonna try to get you pregnant even if it's not biologically possible. raw dick in whichever hole(s) you have when she feels up to it, toys in them when she doesn't. fond of tying you up and making you stroke her ego. maybe if you call her the most beautiful girl in the world again, she'll let you go? ah, no, she's gonna keep you there longer now, loves the sound and feel of you worshipping her, can't resist the urge make you put that mouth to work other ways too. yes, balls in your mouth, anon. balls in your mouth. cock in your mouth if you're eager enough. the mouthfeel, anon, think of the mouthfeel!

she shaves as best as she can manage before she gets the cage off, and if you keep her pure to her she's likely to keep doing so. she knows cis women have pubic hair too, but it makes her feel dainty and feminine, so she doesn't particularly want to quit doing it. c!syd isn't so picky, but she will make fun of you if you ask her to quit shaving. you into pubes, are you, you little perv? should she let her pit hair grow out as well? should she quit washing? girlsmell for you, anon? sniff it all up, okay?

whew, that was a long one! i'm a little low on writing juice now, so i'll just give some ending notes... i'm the fondest of corrupting sydney post-promise, honestly, so i imagine that whenever i write about c!syd. believe it or not, i've only done rite of defilement once, and it was on a throwaway save. with cheats, even.

that's all for now. fuck, you can really tell i love women. send in more asks, everyone, give me more gock fuel and maybe i'll poast.

[fancyfade]

Hi I read your post about the bat boys dynamics, now how the fandom been handling it for years been pissing me off as someone in a blended family.

Now I have a step-turned adopted brother, him and I meet when he was 4 and I was 9. We’re currently estranged, but for the most part it took me….I want to say a year to see him as my brother properly. Not saying I hated him, but to form a bond.

Now the problem with the bat boys, well I want to say Damian histories with them in general. Is writers BARELY gives depth into their bonds and most of the time it seem meaningless. Vs how you and even Arabian batboy pointed out how their bonds with female characters seem more fleshed out as the writers put effort in making their bonds…for the most part…looking at you Williamson.

I am no eugenic, but there a difference between my bond with bio sister vs my bonds with adopted siblings

My issues is how the Batfamily fandom try to force a nuclear family dynamic into the Batclan…when writers clearly show that half of the time they see them as a militia vs a found family.

Oh and the writers personal bias, like in Gotham war where Tim told Damian he always saved Bruce vs the latter only fighting him….is there any goddamn archives at dc for writers to check up on characters lore?

Sorry I just want to air this out, because this bat brothers fanon been driving me up the wall. They are brothers on paper, but none of them are each other keepers if that make sense?

I think it makes sense. I'm sorry to hear about your estrangement.

And yeah a lot of time fandom wants to act as if the fact that they're all adopted (or biologically related) to Bruce on paper means that they'd have the exact same relationship people might have if they grew up together in the same house, but like... that's a drastically over-simplified thing. like i remember getting into an argument* with someone who was adamant that Damian should fanboy or look up to Tim b/c Tim is his older brother and people do that stuff IRL. But like... a) not everyone does b) Damian did not actually live in the same house as Tim, his dynamic was not the same as someone who grew up with an older brother, they clearly had many canon interactions indicating the opposite!

and also like: Obviously you shared your experience with how long it took you to form a bond, and realistically it would also take Damian time to form a bond. If his interactions are antagonistic, like they are with Tim, it would take work for them to get close, and panel time we do not see. This isn't to say they can't consider each other brothers, we see evidence at least Tim considers Damian his little brother and Damian's no longer antagonistic to him** and respects him some, but they definitely wouldn't have a super close bond like we see Damian have with Maya or Dick.

And yeah so many of the writers have personal bias its cringe to read. Except like. I have never seen Tim portrayed really negatively in Damian's comics. In general, it's to put Damian down. I analyzed it in general here (link)

And like. WRT personal experiences I'm sure there are some people who view their adopted siblings as similar to their bio siblings... but also WRT not simplifying everything -- that doesn't mean it's the same for everyone, and it definitely doesn't mean that that means every single Batfam member who is adopted by Bruce has the same relationship that people who are all raised in the same house in general at the same time, since they were babies might have. Like it'd be oversimplifying and trying to flatten out dynamics to act as if that's how it did happen.

Also if you are the same blended family anon as earlier, I do want to say I got a long anon ask from you ages ago but forgot to answer it sorry :C then I couldn't tell if too long had passed and it was weird to answer it

*act surprised, I was in an argument /j

**current canon shows more evidence for Tim being antagonistic to Damian than vice versa.

[lesslie-sass]

Here's my advice

Stop being sexist against your own sex, and go get some therapy for several things

No rational human being wants you dead

But you do really like to be terrible and make yourself the victim

But I don't condone people telling you to off yourself

Grow a spine and realize when you're insulting people like me that have to deal with mental dissorders too. You're not the only one

Or perhaps simply move communities so you don't have to deal with people that have proper media literacy and a want to respect people with mental disorders. Either works

Again, obviously no rational human being wants you to die and no one should ever tell you to. But we don't want to deal with your shit if you're being sexist and ableist. Stop being an absolute hypocrite

Jeez, put your hate boner away, I can feel it from another continent

First of all, just because I don't wanna excuse female character's terrible behavior doesn't suddenly make me a "women hater" like you want to see me as, I don't care what gender Uzi is and still would've thought she's annoying brat. For the "ableistic" shit, as again, mental problems doesn't excuse terrible behavior, acting out only makes situation worse and people around either annoyed or creeped out (like Uzi's classmates but I guess their feelings don't matter near your gothic waifu) and for your "she's heavily implied to have BPD, PTSD, autism, etc." I have one small question - did Liam or Glitch officially state that Uzi has any of those? No? Then shut up about your headcannons, or rather delusions and projections, that has no ground to be used as argument.

Playing the victim, huh? Oh sorry, how dare I be openly upset about getting dogpiled and hated for my opinion that others, you as well, could've easily ignore. That people got butthurt I wasn't backing down and destroyed my reputation in return, blocking me, spreading how terrible I am, how wrong and toxic I am, encouraged others to do the same. You didn't need to do this, but you did and encouraged it anyway, not carring that I have problems, that I may not be doing great irl, that I actually might've had something to do with myself, only because you couldn't just move on. Just because fictional character and ship getting shitted on was more important in your eyes, compared to me who didn't harrass or insult anyone directly, you have fucked up priorities.

I had every right to get you all to fuck off, when you didn't wanna listen to any of my points AND ignored Lizard literally wishing me to die, or even someone close to me to die. You just want to have some kind of "enemy" of the fandom, target those who's vocal about their negative opinion about MD and make fandom bring them down and tier them apart, to feel better that you "defeated" them and saved the fandom from such "toxic" individual.

And who the hell are you to tell me or anyone else if they should leave the fandom? That "you" don’t wanna deal with my shit, when it's not even directed at anyone directly? Or is it more like "we accept you the way you are, cringe and free! ...until you have different opinion than we do"? Like the same thing with VanityMoth, with people like you invalidating his opinion that happened to be the one you don't agree with and making him this big asshole who's terrible and should just shut up for good. (I use him as example for how this isn't one time accident with me, I may not agree with every point he makes or his behavior, which might as well got worse because of huge hate he got, I speak here only for myself and how this kind of situation was towards me) It's not that people think you can't handle criticism, it's that you clearly show you can't.

AND...

Why I should ask anything from this person, who was all to happy to add fuel to the situation and clearly doesn't like me either? Heck no, they're in my block where they belong.

And therapy is expensive btw and with your creepy ass obsession towards me you need it more, perhaps in good place like Mount Massive Asylum OR perhaps listen to your own advice and leave me alone

[plasmasimagination]

hi!!! congratulations on your milestone ♡ i was wondering if i could get a matchup for genshin impact and honkai star rail?

if possible, i would like to be matched up with a male for genshin, but a female or male for star rail is fine!

my mbti is ifsp and my zodiac is leo! i'm introverted but i love socializing w/ people and i'm definitely a yapper 😭... i talk a lot to people i'm close w/ and usually type in all caps cuz im always hype like dat... i'm also vv optimistic ♡

i'm also the funniest person i know & i think i'm the clown of my friend group... sometimes i say really stupid things and i'm really reckless + impulsive

i have dark brown hair that reaches my chest and i have blonde highlights! i'm 5'0, my skin is on the paler side, and i'm on the thinner side! my aesthetic is soft & pastel and i love, love the color pink!! i think i'm really feminine & i love feminine things

i do sports and i love biology & healthcare! i also love drawing and writing & usually spend my free time doing one or the other... i'm really creative & i like anything related to art (music, literature, etc.) i wld love to be in the medical field & give others hope during tough times!! ♡

i don't really fall in love nowadays (i only like fictional charas lmao) because i'm young and i don't rlly the people my age :( i feel like they're really immature and that's okay!! ik everyone grows at their own pace, but for now, they're js not for me!

i want someone who understands me and who i can be comfortable w. i also want someone who i know isn't with me for the sake of being with me, but because they actually like me for me.

in theory, i really love the "i hate everyone but you" trope, but realistically ik it's toxic AFF and that's not the energy i want irl... but i do want someone who makes it noticable js how much they like me :( im a sucker for eyes and i love the thought of someone looking at me w/ a fond, soft expression that they don't share w/ anyone else makes me really giddy... i want it to be known that i am loved (although subtly) and i want to feel special ♡♡

i'd prefer someone who is kind of a tsundere and someone who isn't really into pda bc i don't like pda myself... also my love language is quality time! i'd rather be loved in private than in public, but things like hand holding is fine :))

anyway thank you so much for doing these matchups and feel free to ignore this one if you have too much on your plate!! you are so deserving of 300, almost 400 followers now, and you are so incredible ♡♡ thank you, again and again!

SWEETIE! HAI!! (∩˃ω˂∩)

Your matchup, go!

.

.

.

AL HAITHAM

Okay okay I know what I might say "but alhaitham won't make me feel loved..."

LISTEN TO ME, YES HE WILL.

he might not be vocal with it but he loves you and shows it

He will always keep an eye on you, and sometimes just doze off while looking at you over his book

He prefers to spend time at home, with either cuddling you or just sitting together and doing something, since he's not really into PDA he prefers to keep his love to you for the inside

His love languages are quality time and acts of service

Expect a lot of small things done for you

For example you fell asleep while reading a book, he will put a bookmark on the chapter and cover you in a blanket

Tho all that aside, he does act annoyed with your jokes sometimes but in reality he's very fond of them

After you Tell a joke or such he'll just sit there silently, but you could swear a smile is creeping on his smile.

BRONYA

Similar to alhaitham but very different

Different from alhaitham, she's more calm and less tense

She enjoys your company a lot, and appreciates your optimistic view of the world

Also she likes the fact that you're so experienced in healthcare, she might even provide you with some good situations where you can try it out, if you want ofcourse

Because of her status I'd like to think she doesn't enjoy PDA at all, but what she does enjoy is private time with you, where she can just be herself and show her gratitude to you

[taylortruther]

I am interested to see if people who are reacting harshly online which is fine if that’s what they see fit would react the same way in real life with say a friend. People talk big talk online but don’t really do so in person and maybe these people do but I find usually that in person when you know someone you give them more grace. I’ve had a friend or two who have dated weirdos like matty and I’ve been annoyed with them but ultimately I didn’t like cut them off or whatever because I genuinely believe that you can be a good person and still make bad decisions and that’s the same way I’m reacting with this.

i think lots of them would, if they knew people who were saying the outright offensive stuff matty did. i do! but frankly i am very aware of the racism that surrounds us all daily, and i also know that 1) other people are unaware, even other poc, and 2) if they're aware, they don't DO ANYTHING about it.

examples? certainly!

how about who we date. i have white friends who only date white people, hell, i know poc who only date white people, and i know this will make many people reading this uncomfortable, but there is a racist reason behind that. you can call it your "preferences," but like... how/why do you think those preferences are formed?

or who we befriend. most of my white friends only interact with white people. except me. i'm the token poc for several of my friends. why?

i have primarily white friends who bought homes in gentrified areas in historically black/latino neighborhoods in my city. and they're like, aware that gentrification is bad. but... they still bought 'em! why?

a close friend of mine recently told me that i looked "gangsta" in my gold jewelry but she didn't say anything at all to my asian friend who was wearing the same exact jewelry as me (literally the exact same, from the same store, we were modeling it together.) i'm a brown latina. i look ghetto in gold jewelry, according to white people. i know this. sucks to be reminded by someone i love but i didn't disown her for it. can anyone reading this honestly tell me they haven't accidentally said something stupid like that?

i've had multiple people in my life say they "forget" i'm a poc because i "act white." might as well just say i don't play the race card lmao. same question as above.

i have friends of color who, during the blm protests, went through a lot of very painful and public education about the history of police brutality. i had multiple friends of all races who said they "didn't understand" how bad it was until george floyd was killed. and most of those friends don't actually seem to care about the issue anymore. it's kinda over. has every single one of us americans donated our time or money to a related cause this week?

most people in my life don't organize or take part in a form of activism at all! we talk about these things, so i can confidently say that. i think some of them donate, but that's like a "set it and forget it" type thing. many of them feel guilty for not doing more but they just... don't make it a priority.

like. these are all common, pervasive issues of racism (or other isms). and i guarantee that some people who are very upset about the matty/taylor situation encounter these things, and more, as well.

i don't know everyone on here but do i believe everyone involved in this convo is confronting these things? nope. i do not. because it's hard, uncomfortable, and makes you unpopular/unlikeable.

this isn't even a judgment. it's just reality. but these are all things that i'd rather people confront irl regularly rather than exhaust themselves talking about matty healy on tumblr.

[kimmimaru]

Ok, so I love horror. I'm obsessed with it. I honestly don't know why I don't actually write much of it though, I think its because I don't think I'm very good at it lol. One of my fave authors is Stephen King, the man is a genius but he churns out books so fast I can't keep up and only have so much shelf space, sadly lol. Has anyone else read Doctor Sleep? That shit was brilliant, my fave is IT but Doctor Sleep is defo a close second. Very long, nonsensical ramble under the cut about Hojo, Vincent and Lucrecia:

But anyways, I'm doing a couple of little horror fics for Halloween, they're doing alright I suppose. Not particularly ground breaking or anything but they're ok. The fics are, of course, FF7 fics and both revolve somewhat around Hojo. I don't know, I find him one of the scariest characters. He's terrifying, especially in the OG. Not exactly sure what it is about him specifically that scares me more than other characters, because like, Sephiroth is the main 'bad guy' in the story but Hojo's just creepy. Like if I met someone like him irl he would be giving off all the red flags. You know there's just some people who just give you the creeps, even if they're a total stranger? Like every cell in your body is just telling you RED ALERT? That's Hojo for me lol. Maybe its because Sephiroth's motivations are somewhat understandable, he loses his mind because he finds out he's not human and his entire life probably wasn't good. I can understand that, I too sometimes look at all the horrific shit humanity has done and wonder if its even worth keeping us around you know? But Hojo, at least as far as I'm aware, isn't really given any other motivations other than 'because I can' or 'I want to see what happens' and to me that's creepy. Not to mention that in the OG he does kind of try to make Aerith...do stuff...with Red 13...which uh...no. No absolutely not. Lol. Also...why the fuck is he considered so attractive in the OG? He doesn't just manage to lure Lucrecia away from Vincent 'my ass looks great in leather' (just trust me and pause AC at the moment Vincent crouches before jumping into the air to attack Bahamut SIN and try and tell me it doesn't lol) Valentine but also somehow manages to attract a whole gaggle of bikini-clad women on the beach in Costa Del Sol. HOW?? Ok, so I can sort of see how Lucrecia could have agreed to carry Hojo's baby, its probably because she's a scientist too and was also interested in the results or whatever...but still, lady...please wtf were you thinking? At least the beach-goers have the excuse of not knowing Hojo, Lucrecia does not have that lol. How can she spend god knows how long around Hojo and not think; this man is a creep? Honestly I would kind of be interested in seeing something about how all that happened, was he acting different around her? Was she just blinded by the curiosity of the experiment? Was it simply due to the fact that he was the only other man in the mansion when she freaked out about Vincent and her history with his father?

I think maybe that's why I don't write anything much about Lucrecia, I just can't get into her head. I don't understand her at all. To me, not a lot of her choices make any sense. Her actions feel weird and illogical and I'm not sure if its just me being autistic about it, or if I'm missing something in the story or what. But going from 'I love Vincent Valentine' to 'oh no I feel guilty because of Vincent's father's death therefore I must dump him and go with Mr Creeps over here'. Because that's not going to make him feel a billion times worse than just...I don't know, explaining why you're worried and talking shit out? And then sticking the monster that actively killed his father INSIDE him. Its fucking weird. (and then you have Vincent's own weird ass guilt, its non-sensical to blame himself for HER decisions. The whole story is just a giant shit show lol). Does this make any sense? I don't know. I had some Thoughts and needed to write them down. Ugh.

[kinichwife]

IT ENDS WITH HER

Yelena x Fem! Plus size! Reader

WC: 1.3k

TW INFIDELITY/CHEATING!! implied recording. reader's bf is neglectful and ngl kinda toxic

NOTE I DO NOT SUPPORT CHEATING IRL!! MOST OF THIS WAS FOR PLOT. also wow. i rlly went all out on this

imagine yelena being your best friend. you trust her with your life, and vice versa. you two have been friends for years, going through thick and thin together. over the first year of knowing you, yelena started developing romantic feelings for you. of course, she was too scared to tell you. she didn't want to ruin the relationship you two had then. so, she tossed those feelings aside; and as time went on, those feelings continued to grow and grow, eventually taking up her mind. just the very thought of you made her heart flutter, and her face flush. she's been building up courage for months, and now that she's finally ready to tell you, youve got a boyfriend.

a shitty one at that. there's countless times youve cried to her, sobbing into her chest while she comforts you. he treats you as if you don't matter. brushing you off when you try to get his attention, not bothering to text or call you, talking to other women, you don't understand. you do everything to try and get him to pay attention to you, why is it not working? when you two weren't together, it was like he was obsessed with you. like he loved you more than anything. why now, why now does he act like this? 3 months into the relationship, and he's acting like he doesn't even know you.

youve told yelena all of this, and it made her blood boil. seeing you so hurt by someone like him. you didn't want her to get involved, so of course, she respected your wish and didnt do or say anything to him. but.. you didnt say she couldnt do anything to you.

pulled you up onto her lap by her shoulder, so youre now straddling her. you wiped your years, your face now puzzled on confusion. "wh-what's wrong?" you sniffled out. she pulled you closer by your waist, your faces now just inches away.

"he's what's wrong." she stated, slowly coming in closer. she continued; "(Y/n), I don't understand why you're still with him. I've seen how he treats you, I've seen how he really acts." Her arms wrap around your waist, one leaving to trail down your thigh.

"Why don't you leave him for someone who could treat you so much better-" She began to trail kisses from your face, down to your neck, kissing your tears away. "-Someone who could buy you the whole world if they wanted to." Although, she never made an attempt to press her lips to yours.

"Yelena- This is wrong, you know I have a boyfriend!" She pulled away, her face flushed, as is yours. "Really? You want to start with that now? I've caught you looking at me before, (Y/n). How you look away from me the monent I catch you staring, or how you always want to get all touchy-feely with me. Or even the way yours eyes look when chat, lovestruck and dazed." Her words caught you off guard, she was right. She was so right. You've been denying your feelings for her for so long, all because you wanted the attention from a man who never even bothered to look at you.

She smirked as you stared at her wide eyed and awe struck. "What, cat got your tongue? I was right, wasn't I?" Her hands moved from your waist, down to your hips. She squeezed and groped at the fat on your hips, her own starting to buck up into yours.

"It's okay, baby, you can be honest with me. I'm your best friend, after all, isn't that right?" God, she was reading you like a book. You felt so hot. Being so close to your dear friend like this, your chests pressed together, her slim yet toned stomach against your chubby one.

You couldn't believe you were about to say this, all while you're in a relationship. "Yelena, I..." You gulped. "I really like you.. I do... I just wish I could be with you. I wish I could hug and kiss you, every second of the day. I wish I could hold you as well. I wish I could touch you the way I touch my boyfriend but.. I can't." Your subconsciously cling onto her.

She forces your hips down fully onto her. she could feel her own wetness pool into her boxers, feeling your heat so close to hers. she could feel the warmth from between your dimpled thighs.

She leans in close, her hot breath fanning against your ear; "Says who? He isn't around right now, and I'm not a tattletale." She smirked, watching you as your face heated up from embarrassment. You attempted to scramble off of her, but she pulled you even closer, if that was possible.

"But-" She shushed you.

"But what? 'Oh but he'll know' not if we don't tell. Now, come here." This was really happening. And you were ashamed, ashamed from how badly you wanted this. But nonetheless, you obeyed. Seating yourself on her lap while she played with you however she so desired.

"Before I start anything, I want to hear you say how you really feel about me. Tell me how badly you've wanted this."

'fuck it' you told yourself. you're already in this deep, you've got nothing left to lose. he's never treated you like this. he's never put yout feelings into consideration like this. Yelena is so much better than you boyfriend, what are you doing wasting your time with him? you have your chance, now take it.

"Yelena, I love you! I love you so much. For years I've felt this way, I just didnt want to ruin our relationship together! God, everytime I look at you I can't help but think how beautiful you are.." She was a bit taken aback from how forward you were all of a sudden, but she quickly composed herself. "And? What else?" She teased, want you to keep going as she began rubbing her thigh along your wet panties.

'ah. she wanted you to tell her.. that stuff.' You whimpered as you slid against her thigh, desperate for more. "A-and.. I've touched myself to the- the thought of you.." She began rubbing faster, you felt your clit twitch in excitement as a knot began to tie itself in your abdomen.

Your eyes traced across her hands. "And how- And how your hands would feel a-across my neck.. and how your finger would feel in-inside me.." She gripped her shoulders and grinded yourself onto him, the pressure in your stomach becoming almost too much.

"inside of you, huh? naughty girl." she trailed her hand down, carressing your pussy. just the feeling of her touching you down there drove you crazy. she felt you through your panties; before finally diving in. as soon as she rubbed circles into your clit, you came undone.

"ngh- ah! Y-Yelena!" you moaned out, toppling over. your shouted her name as she kept on rubbing tight, fast circles over your bundle of nerves. god, this felt so much better. it felt so much better when she was touching you, not just some toy or your own fingers, but her.

she pulled her fingers away, showing you your own slick. "wow, i never knew you could be so naughty.. he's really missing out." she joked, giving you a show of her licking your cum off her fingers.

all of your worries melted away as soon as you were with her. what do you even need him for. why stay with him, when you can have Yelena? she'd do so much more for you. treat you so much better.

"Come on, darling, why don't we keep going?-" She took your phone and turned on the camera, switching to video. "-And show him everything he's missing out on."

[haneq]

Getting real tired of people, so I'll just write this here. Hiding the text behind ''read more'', but basically this is addressed to all fanfic writers and then whiny readers who lack the ability to read the tags/warnings/description/whatever-the-fuck before they consume ''traumatizing'' content. Or really any content online.

And just to spite you, I'm not gonna put any warnings here. Because that's how you operate anyway when it comes to consuming fancontent, now isn't it?

First of all, to all my fellow fanfic writers, you are wonderful.

I think all of you are creative in your own ways, and I'm glad you're expressing yourselves through stories. And you're also very brave for putting up your stories online to be read by other people, and not just leaving it to gather dust on your harddrive. You guys rock!

You know, the best thing about fiction is that it's not real. Literally. Sure you can argue about effects of fiction on reality, yadda yadda, and to some extent yeah, but here's a few important words.

Just writing about something doesn't mean you endorse this thing in real life, or that you're the type of person you write about.

Yeah before anyone starts saying how fucked up it is to write stories about getting it on with dragons or eating shit as part of some cult stuff that you came up for your setting - yeah, it might be, but does it make it wrong to write? Cut up the thought police act and listen.

You know Berserk? The manga/anime series? Yeah, that shit is fucked up. Guy slashing giant monsters and creepy fuckers to bits with his giant-ass sword while these aforementioned monsters eat, kill, or rape people, or all three at the same time.

It's also a beloved series with a dedicated fanbase, with many left to mourn the author's passing last year.

Now, you know what Berserk is about? Do you think the author (Kentaro Miura) would have been the type of person to wish these giant monsters would become real and kill everyone that has ever lived and then he wished that this giant Egg of the Perfect World would help bring everything to ruin? That he actually rooted for people like Griffith, even though he made the biggest plot-twist backstabbing event in the history of anything ever?

People love (to hate) Griffith. People love Berserk. People love Kentaro Miura still, as well as the work he left behind. He was just a man who loved to draw and do his story (though arguably I understand the fans' frustration of not getting continuation for a long time). I hope one day all of you will get a satisfying conclusion to the story.

Now, take all this, and observe fanfiction people do. Very few of these people are actually professional authors, more like amateurs who just want to let their ideas flow on paper after long school or work days. And even if they were, I think it's awesome that they still write stuff online - not even for others, but for themselves.

You can help people get better as writers by offering tips or just giving criticism in a nice way. Telling someone to die is never alright.

Writing is for yourself, or rather that's how it should be. You don't have to write shit that you don't care about. Do you think Kentaro Miura would have wanted to write about a wholesome story about a happy-go-lucky protagonist meeting up a gang of friends and conquering the ultimate evil?

If he did, we wouldn't have Berserk.

When people make fanfic, they usually allow comments, which is a bit different system compared to ''professional'' writing. Comments should be used to lift people up or give constructive criticism, not give death threats or call people names when you don't know a damn about them irl.

When you go to bookstore or library, you see the cover of the book, and can read synopsis on the back. What you won't see are the warnings and individual tags for triggering content. When you open a book and read it, only to discover that you don't like it, what do you do? Well, any sane individual would close the book and say ''fuck this, I'll look for something else''. If you bought the book, you'd probably gift it to someone else or sell it forward.

You are allowed to dislike a story. You are allowed to hate story. You are allowed your own opinion on the contents.

But this doesn't mean that you can go around assuming what kind of people the authors are. You call someone a ''psychopath'', ''rapist'', ''freak'' - you really think that you can call yourself a respectable person while at it? I've read fanfics all my life, and only on autumn 2020 did I have the courage to write my own shit online. Before that, I have 50+ story documents on my harddrive, only for myself, many of them finished. FIFTY. And I've been writing my own stuff since 2010 (officially I did my first story on 2008, but I never finished it and I wasn't 100% into writing back then).

Even as a kid, I was ashamed of stuff I wrote for myself, when I was the only one seeing them. Keep in mind, my stories were wholesome adventures with a handful of sad scenes, yet I was still afraid to show anyone. I still am, to this day - though mostly because kid-me's writing was extremely simple lol.

Someone bravely uploaded something online, be it for themselves, their friends, for everyone online, or their grandma - doesn't matter, they did it anyway. And I've read my fair share of ''bad'' fanfics - be it personal taste or just writing style that didn't click. You know what I did back then, even as a cringy, awkward, dumb kid?

I fucking clicked away.

When I first found mature fanfiction, and saw the warnings, I was aware what I was gonna read. And surprise surprise, I did see it in the fic itself. Did I complain to mommy about some mean internet person having written a properly tagged story that had clear warnings? No, I shrugged my shoulders and either continued reading, or moved on.

People who write detective stories are not necessarily detectives themselves. People who write RPG-inspired fantasy stories are not heroes with swords and a power of friendship and plot armor. People who write about series of murders are not murderers. People who write about abuse are not abusive.

You can argue that yeah, some are - how the hell would you know? I think someone writing about a detailed murder for fifty chapters wouldn't update much in favor of actually being out to, you know, murder people.

Think about any of the mainstream shows you people love. A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones for example. You think it would be as big as it is today if everyone kept on crying about how George R. R. Martin was normalizing and supporting incest and underage sex and what else? Sure, there are always people who do, but if you were to complain to someone about the series and how the author/director/actors endorse the themes by being associated? They'd laugh their heads off for your stupidity.

Write what you want. It can be cute and wholesome and nothing ever goes wrong in the world of rainbows and ponies. It can be about a guy who murders women before raping their corpses because he got cheated on by his previous girlfriend who left him for some guy. It can be even about both, murder and abuse and what else in colourful setting, people of Eternally Happy Village stabbing each other every Thursday because why not.

Those who use Archive of Our Own aka AO3, you know how tags and warnings work. Before you start bitching about seeing your hated ship or even your most disliked trope at your full view, how about you actually, you know... blacklist the fucking tags and warnings? There is literally a little useful thing on the right where you can put what you don't want to see. Hell, you can blacklist authors too. It's not that difficult.

Also, AO3 especially has a neat little thing that stops you before you go into a fic, telling you it contains this and that and to proceed, you gotta click it. If you do, then sucks to be you - you opened a bag containing a dead dove, even when the bag was labeled ''Dead Dove: Do Not Eat''.

Keep on writing. Keep on creating. Hell, this doesn't even have to be about just fanfics, even when I've mainly talked about that. Any artform is acceptable. World of fiction is limitless, and you all are a wonderful part of it.

Those who cannot recognize that fiction is not reality, are not living in reality. They are living in the fiction. Touch some grass and move on.

We don't owe you shit. You only get a momentary power high from shitting on someone else based on their work. Criticism is one thing, being a dick is a fucking choice.

And if you wonderful fanfic writers read this far, I wish from the bottom of my heart to keep on creating. I'm sorry if you've ever faced any sort of harassment, but know that I'm always on your side. Don't give in to the hate - haters are air to us, and should be treated as such. (Oh no accidental rhyme lmao)

And final words:

Just writing wholesome content doesn't make you a good person.

Just writing dark content doesn't make you a bad person.

Only your actions define you in this world, and not the one that doesn't exist. Keep your head in the clouds but your feet on the ground.

You deserve happiness, and to not have anyone take it from you.

And for all you tumblr people who do callout posts complaining about fics/ships/whatever-that-doesn't-exist to their five followers - lol. Just lol. You know who you are, and I certainly know you. And you all disgust me, go cry about it.

Now excuse me, I'm off to write yet another ''despicable'' piece of fiction to add to my growing fanfic collection.

[papirfecni]

Hello Azra!

I hope you're having a great day 😀.

Look, i don't mean no harm nor want to be hateful to you or anything you do..(but i might actually be), what i'm about to say might be mean and it's probably gonna look like a hate comment or something 😅 but i assure you, i have nothing against you 🙂.

I'm getting this out of my chest bcs i want to, and since you don't reply to your DMs or anything else i thought my last chance is to tell you anonymously..here ...tbh, bcs humans are weird 😒 .

So i was one of your followers/fans and i really liked your work, you were funny and you were entertaining in every way..you might still be (i dunno tho') i even liked your taste in music and i thought it matches mine in a weird way.. i, like any other fan thought highly of you and did anything to be noticed by you 😂 which sounds silly now that i say it.. but it's something that we all do and i'm sure you have done this yourself 😉.

I tried my best to cut you some slack bcs you are famous and i don't know your circumstances or anything about you... but at some point you had me and gave me some of your time and i thought to myself .. 'why did she? i am just as any other excited fan who did everything to be noticed.. why give 𝓂𝑒 the time?'

Don't get me wrong, i knew you were just being nice 😆... but i thought to myself 'does she do that with everyone then? voice chat, play games, share informations...? which is odd.. bcs isn't she scared of creeps and weirdo who maybe have bad intentions...'

I'm a humble one but just like a normal person i got greedy and i felt like we might be friends lol 🤣 i even start talking to some of your close friends and i wished to be as cool just to be friendly with you all (not just you...no offence) bcs for some reasons i found a lot in common between me and you all, but i was too normal and too boring for you maybe a little too nice too 🙃.

The point is, after that you started ghosting me after telling me that we would do it again (play and stuff).. you never reply.. you don't see my comments nor msgs... i know i wasn't special but i really wanted to play more and have fun while i still could at that time 😅.

I just wished you never gave me a chance to look forward to an awsome friendship with such great and fun people like yourselves...

Once again, don't get me wrong.. clearly i have issues 🙃 and if i don't adress them the proper way then they will come and bite me in the butt 😆.

What i'm trying to say here is .. as much as i liked your spirit, your humour but more importantly your 𝒜𝑅𝒯 ofc, now i don't even want to see nothing that has anything to do with you... even your name makes me cringe (the fact that my mother has the same name isn't helping -.-') and i hate that bcs i missed how despite being so invisible back then .. i enjoyed everything you did..

I wish i never made that piece of art that made you follow me which made me feel so guilty for not following you back which is the one thing that led to another until it became no fun no more...

I missed your art and it feels bad now to interact with it after you belittled me and basically made me feel like sh*t (sorry..) when you ghosted and rejected all my requests..

I wish you read this and i wish you don't hate me for being ..umm weird and mentaly disturbed obviously 😅lol despite being anonymous i feel so seen..

you are a great artist and a .. well uuh a funny person? lol (that's all i could think about 🤣) i was a fool to think that you thought of me differently and for being greedy to have more fun time with you and your friends.. so umm i hope you take my honesty as .. umm a point that needed to be ..umm adressed and not as a hate comment or ..umm a speech at this point 😬 hehe

Just a word of advice.. don't say things that you don't mean to fans no more 🤣 they will be excited and they will feel special and it will be disastrous if you don't meet their expectations haha.

Despite feeling guilty for being too honest ..maybe to the mean point, i am 𝑔𝓁𝒶𝒹 that i got that out of my chest, i am trying my best to talk about this silly subject as civilized as possible so you don't get me wrong 🤠.

Good luck with whatever you're doing in your life and i wish you all the best 😺.

P.S: drink more water instead... it's very important to stay hydrated 💧 ✌️

i wasnt gonna respond to this originally but youre getting people i dont even know involved in this fsr so.

sending me shit anonymously expressing why youre mad at me is one thing but going around and telling random people in their fucking CCs about it (and naming me too) like its a warcrime not to respond to your dms personally is really fucking weird. im an average ass person with a hobby who uploads their work online, i’m not a fucking celebrity or “famous” for this or any other reason, i sure as fuck dont have any fans and i genuinely dont understand your obsession with that concept??? why am i the one getting blamed for making you feel special for simply talking to you and being friendly when youre the one acting like i have paparazzi following me around lmao i have classes to attend and study for, i have friends irl and family that i spend time with, i have a tiny group of online close friends i talk to regularly, i eat and sleep - a day is 24 hours for me too lmao. on top of that im generally bad at responding to dms as im very introverted with a terrible memory; it’s never anything personal, i’m simply busy or just forget to text back which my friends are aware of and have no problem with. i seriously had nothing against you, you’re very sweet and talented but you don’t know me, we hung out once for an hour as friends and that was it, i’m confused as to how me not responding was such a traumatic event for you when it’s a normal thing that happens with everyone especially if you’re not close friends. if youre trying to befriend someone you should behave like it and not like youre chasing someone unreachable lol. anyway im glad you got free therapy out of this i really loved the random cursive letters you added for dramatic effect as well as the subtle drags 10/10

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.5k

Warnings: swearing, smoking

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 1 Part 3

Part 2

I stopped breathing. My voice was strangled. "You're Will?"

Liam nodded. He had a massive smile on his face. "I hope you understand. I can hardly use my real name or photos on a dating app."

I made some sort of noise in agreement, but my thoughts were reeling. There's no Will. Will is Liam. Liam fucking Cross. Will lied to me. No, Liam lied to me. He told me he was a personal trainer. Whose photos were the ones he had online? Did he steal them? Who the fuck is this guy?

I was breathing again, but now my breath was ragged.

"Hey, it's ok, come and sit." Liam put his arm around my shoulders and guided me back to the table.

"Don't touch me." I spat out venomously.

He backed off immediately. Not looking at him, I walked the rest of the way myself. Sitting down, I crossed my arms and said, "why would you do that? Why would you lie like that?"

"Lie?" Liam sounded shocked. "I used a fake name and photo, and I apologise for that. I can't..." he paused for so long that I almost looked at him. "I can't exactly date in the usual way."

"How often do you do this?"

"I met another girl about a year ago in London. We went out a few times, but it didn't work out."

"Who were the photos of? Do they know you do this?"

"He is a friend from school. He knows."

I leaned my elbow on the table and rested my head in my hand. I needed a fucking cigarette. I reached into my bag and pulled out my emergency stash. I hadn't smoked in 3 weeks. Damn him.

I lit up and took a long drag. It didn't taste the best, but then the nicotine made it worthwhile. I finally looked at Liam.

"I thought you quit," he said.

"I have," I said tartly.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

I debated whether or not I should be as angry as I felt. On the one hand, the explanation made sense. I mean, if he had told me when we first started talking that he was really Liam Cross, I would have thought he had a few kangaroos lose in the top paddock. On the other hand, I felt like a fool. Is it that easy to fool me? I didn't even notice that he never sent me any pictures of himself. I didn't send him any either, but social media wasn't a big part of my life. I could easily go months without taking pictures of myself.

I went back and forth, arguing both sides until I stubbed my cigarette into the plastic ashtray and couldn't draw it out anymore.

"I get why you did what you did. But it's a bit of a shock."

Liam looked relieved. A curl had fallen onto his forehead, making him look like a lost puppy. Well, maybe a lost wolf cub. A wild and untamed wolf cub.

"I have some questions, though," I continued. Liam smiled and waved his hand in a go-ahead gesture. "So, other than your name and job, what else isn't true?"

"I was as honest as I could be. I am a guy who would rather stay home and read or watch movies or play video games than go out. I am looking for a serious relationship. I want a woman to come home to, but one who understands how busy my life is. I want a family, someone to take care of. All those things are true." He spoke with confidence like he had been thinking about what he wanted for a long time, but it sounded like a laundry list to me.

Liam moved his chair closer and went to take my hand. I pulled away.

"I'm sorry I upset you. It was not my intention to deceive you. I know what I want, and I know what kind of woman I want. In the circles I work in, there aren't many women like that. I wanted someone unconnected to the Hollywood world, someone who doesn't want to be famous. I didn't know how else to find someone like that."

I looked at Liam. I was held transfixed by his gaze. His blue eyes were so clear and sincere. I tore my eyes away.

When he spoke again, Liam's voice was small. "I am really sorry. I... Fuck." Running his fingers through his hair, he said, "I don't know what to say. Lana. I'm still the same person."

"But you're not." I shook my head. "It's not just that you lied online; I get that. But why did you lie here? You could have said, 'Hi, Lana. I know you thought you were meeting Will, but Will is actually me. I did that because I'm famous.' Instead, you played along with the charade and made me feel like a bloody dickhead."

Liam was quiet. He dropped his head. "Is that it then? Is this over before it has a chance to get started?"

I shrugged. My leg was bouncing. I tried to stop it, but it started again. I crossed my legs.

"Do you want me to go?" Liam asked.

"Do you want to go?"

"No." Liam leaned towards me, his hands close to my knee. "But I will if you want me to." He let the back of his index finger brush against my bare skin. It was the lightest of touches, but it thrilled me.

Feeling tongue-tied, I shook my head.

We sat like that for a while. Liam's finger continued to rub against my knee like he was trying to calm a skittish horse. The anger in me stilled under his touch. I didn't want it to. I wanted to stay angry. He was so gentle I couldn't help it.

Eventually, I gave a small smile. "Say something," I said, unable to stand the silence any longer.

Liam's face creased as a warm smile spread across his lips. "I'm happy you're here to meet you finally." He put his hand out, palm up on my knee. I put my hand in his, and it was immediately swallowed by his much larger hand. He sighed, seemingly relieved and said, "to touch you."

"Say something else." I implored. My fingers caressed his palm. I traced the lines I could feel and the rough callouses that formed below his fingers.

Liam became serious. No, not serious, something else. He looked at my hair and reached with his other hand to brush it behind my ear. "Your hair is redder than I thought it would be."

"Is that bad?" I asked unsurely. Being a redhead was hit and miss. Some guys seemed to love it, and others ran a million miles. We had a reputation, after all.

He shook his head, "it's beautiful." His eyes kept searching my face, and I turned my head to look away, feeling heat rise to my cheeks under his gaze. He put his hand under my chin and gently guided my face back.

"Don't look away. I want to look at you." My cheeks were on fire now, and I felt warmth spread all through my body.

Liam's hand moved down to my neck. His index finger caressed my ear lobe as he cupped my neck and all coherent thoughts fell away. Gently he put his thumb under my chin and lifted it stretching my neck. My whole body was aflame now. My lips parted as I gasped.

"I want to kiss you." Liam's voice was hoarse and wanton, yet firm. He wasn't asking to kiss me. He just told me what he wanted. I broke out in goose flesh and shivered. Yes, this is what I needed. I needed a man who knows what he wants. I didn't trust myself to speak clearly, so I licked my lips and closed my eyes.

Liam groaned. His hand left mine and held the back of my head, his fingers sliding through my hair. I felt his warm breath on my lips, smelling faintly of beer, earthy, almost like freshly cut grass. I could feel myself quivering in anticipation.

Then his lips met mine, so softly, I thought I had imagined it. Then he kissed me again, his lips firm but still so soft. He pulled me closer, and I reached out and grasped his shoulders.

His lips parted, opening mine as they did. Liam's tongue gently licked at my bottom lip. My tongue met his, and I moaned. I wanted more. I kissed him back with more ferocity than was probably necessary. I couldn't help it. Spurred on by my kiss, his hand turned into a fist in my hair. His lips moved against mine harder and faster.

My thoughts were gone. I could process nothing but the duel sensations of pleasure from his mouth and the ache from my stretched throat and pulled hair. It drove me wild, and instinct took over. I wrapped my arms around Liam, trying to get closer to him. My chest met his, and I felt his hard body against my soft breasts. I wanted to feel his whole body against mine, his hardness against my softness.

Then he slowed, his kisses become softer and longer, his tongue withdrew into his mouth, and I felt the loss if it. The loss of his heat against my body made me feel cold. Liam let my hair go and slowly sat back.

I opened my eyes, blinking several times as I adjusted to the light. I looked at Liam, his eyes were bright, and I watched as he suppressed a grin. Then I watched, fascinated as he moved in his chair and tried to hide the hand that moved between his legs as he adjusted himself. I had to look away. I laughed because otherwise, I think I would have died.

"What's so funny?" Liam asked though he sounded amused.

"Not funny, I just can't help it." His eyebrow popped up. "I just enjoyed that."

"Back to being direct, are you?"

I shrugged.

The twitchy lip was back. "Maybe not." I wanted to crawl under the table. "Do you still want to go to dinner?"

I nodded. "Where are we going?"

"Apparently, it's not far from here, on the harbour. It's a seafood place. I remember you telling me you like seafood."

I nodded vigorously. "That sounds perfect."

As we walked to the restaurant, Liam held my hand. We didn't say much, but it wasn't awkward. Sometimes I would look at him and catch him doing the same. I would look away first, giggling as I did. Liam would chuckle and squeeze my hand.

I was disgusted with myself for acting like a schoolgirl. I was a grown woman with a marriage under my belt. Yet, even as I wondered why I was acting like a 16-year-old, I knew the answer. Liam was gorgeous, successful and wanted me.

I looked at him, and again he caught me. This time I forced myself not to look away. I returned his gaze and studied his face.

Turning his body to face me, Liam's eyes drifted down my body, lingering on my breasts. He slowly smiled. I felt naked, like he knew what I looked like without clothes.

Liam took a step towards me, forcing me to take a step back. Again he came closer, and again I retreated until I felt my back against the wall behind me. Liam's arms came up, and he put his hands on the wall beside my head. As I searched his face, I saw a naked hunger. I swallowed hard.

I wanted to look away, to say we should keep walking, but I also wanted to stay there trapped by Liam's arms. Up close, his arms were so big, and they looked like they could break me without much effort. He pressed his whole body against me, and one of his legs slipped between mine. My bones became jelly, like I would slide down the wall if his firm body weren't holding me together.

I put my hands on his wrists and felt my way up to his shoulders. Every muscle in his arms was tight, and I could feel each in turn as I moved my hands. I shuddered as my hands reached his triceps, and he flexed for me. My hips buck against his leg in an involuntary move, and I felt the sweet friction between my own. Liam made a noise from deep in his throat and took a step back so quickly I almost fell.

"We should get going, or we will lose our reservation," Liam said coldly and started walking. I was confused and struck immobile for a moment, then had to take a few jogging steps to catch up to him. This time he didn't take my hand. I didn't look at him for the rest of the way.

"I believe this is the place," Liam announced. It was beautiful, right on the harbour with the Harbour Bridge's views to one side and the Opera House on the other. The water was dark and reflected the bridge's lights, twinkling like it was another sky.

I finally looked at Liam. He was smiling again. He put his arm out and made a slight bow, indicating I should go first. I was still confused about earlier. He was so hot and then so cold, I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't want to make a scene, so I went in, but I also didn't want him to think he could get away with it.

The maître de greeted Liam by name and ushered us both upstairs and to a private balcony overlooking the harbour. We sat and were given a quick rundown of the evening's menu. It was a degustation, so the menu was set, and there would be eight dishes. The sommelier followed quickly behind, giving drink recommendations. Liam asked for paired wines, and I agreed. Eventually, we were left alone.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Liam said. "You make me forget where I am." He smiled. His mischievous look made him seem almost boyish.

"Why does it matter where you are?" I asked harshly.

"I don't want photos out there of me kissing you in an alleyway."

"I see." I did see. My heart sank. I knew it was too good to be true.

"What's wrong?" Liam was frowning.

"Nothing. I mean, it would be terrible if anyone knew you were kissing me," I said. I was probably a little too sarcastic.

"You know what I mean, Lana."

"Yes, I do." I stood. "This was a mistake. I should have left after your first lie."

Liam grabbed my wrist and stood up. "I don't think you do understand. A photo of you showing up with me means they will start hunting you down, find out who you are, search your social media, look into everything. They will probably publish your name, age, occupation. Dig up every bit of dirt they can. Are you ready for that?" I had to admit I was not. "All of this happening while we are still getting to know each other. It's a nightmare you don't want."

"You're right," I said softly. "I don't think I'll ever want that."

He let go of me and sighed. We both stood there for a few moments. Eventually, he spoke, "I don't want to put you in a situation where you're uncomfortable. You were right, and I shouldn't have lied about who I was. I want to honest with you about what being in a relationship with me means. Part of that is being very private about the relationship until you're ready to go public. It also means not telling friends or family who you don't trust to keep quiet."

"You know that this isn't normal right?" Liam nodded. "Ok, just so we are clear, dating you would be like dating a married man? No one can know."

"A married man?" Liam looked startled. "No, not like that. This isn't about me or to protect myself but to protect yourself. I'm not ashamed to be seen with you. You need to decide when you want the public to know about us. I already have almost no privacy, but I won't make that decision for someone else."

"Lots of celebrities date someone not famous, and no one talks about them."

"Yes, they do. At first anyway, the longer they're together, the less they get talked about if they are smart with publicity. Don't you read magazines, follow Twitter gossip, Instagram or anything?"

"Not really. I mean, if there is a tv show or something I like, I'll follow updates on filming and interviews with the actors, but that's usually it."

"Things can get vicious online with gossip."

"Are you trying to scare me off?" I said, a bit pissed. "Because it's working."

"No. I want you to know what can happen."

I started to sit back down. Liam pushed my chair in as I sat.

"If we were to date, would I have to do anything? Like, can't I just be in the background?" I scrunched my nose up, "I don't have to be all on Instagram selling diets or anything, do I?"

Liam chortled. "No, nothing like that."

"Good." I think people would laugh at my big thighs if I tried to do that anyway.

"And that is why I like you." Liam took my hand and lifted it to his lips, his whiskers tickling as he pressed a kiss to my palm. I shivered.

Our first course arrived then with some wine. It was a beautifully sliced tuna sashimi with orange and ginger. It melted in my mouth and exploded with fantastic citrus flavour. I'm sure I moaned aloud. I just hoped it wasn't a When Harry Met Sally level of noise. The white wine with it was also delicious, slightly dry, but easy to drink.

"My god!"

"Good, huh?" Liam asked.

"Sho gud," I said after I had already put more in my mouth. Liam laughed, and I quickly finished chewing and took another drink. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise. I'm enjoying watching you enjoy it."

"Buckle up then champion because if the next seven courses are anything like that, you're going have the time of your life." I don't think I could have said anything more cringe-inducing. Hiding my face with my hands, my cheeks felt hot. But Liam laughed and took my hands away. His face was warm, so I laughed as well.

The next seven courses were amazing, scampi tails, lobster and beef, beautiful salads with roe and sorbet for dessert. It was astonishing, something I had rarely experienced before. None of the ingredients were new to me, but I've never had food prepared with such exquisite care and attention to detail. Little edible flowers and streaks of sauces were laid out on the plates, making the food a feast for the eyes.

The wine was impressive. We had five glasses all up, each one a flavour to compliment the food. I know I was a little inebriated by the end.

Liam wasn't sober either. The wait staff seemed to take it in stride, carefully clearing away our plates while avoiding Liam's flailing arms as he told me stories. Liam liked to talk with his hands when he was drunk, evidently.

As the night went on and the alcohol flowed, we both became much more relaxed and open. Our conversations flowed as they had on the phone over the last couple of months. He told me stories about his family and growing up in London. He mainly talked about his two brothers. I told him more about my older brother, David and the horrible things he did to me as we grew up. We compared notes to see whose siblings were the worst.

When the bill arrived, Liam paid. He insisted, saying he asked me out so he should pay.

"Don't you mean begged me to out with you?" I asked, teasing.

Liam pretended to be offended but conceded immediately, "I suppose asking nearly every day for a month is begging. I'm glad I did." He put his arm on the back of my chair and leaned in close, our noses nearly touching. "Did you enjoy dinner?"

I felt heady being so close to him. Either it was him or the wine. I closed my eyes as his nose nudged mine. I heard someone coming up the stairs, and I pulled away.

The waiter returned Liam's card and offered to call us a taxi.

While we waited in the restaurant's foyer, I thanked Liam for a great night and kissed him on the cheek. His rough face pricked my lips, making them tingle.

I ran my finger along his jaw, feeling his short, sharp beard and his smooth skin on impulse. I smiled as I went.

"What are you doing?" Liam asked, his voice playful.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I've just had the urge to do that since I first saw you."

"Do you like it? The hair, I mean." I nodded. "Then I'll keep it as long as I can." Liam took me in his arms. "You feel nice," he said, voice a little slurred. I blushed. I felt like I had spent most of the night blushing. Liam kept picking strands of hair off my face and putting them behind my ear. I looked up into his eyes as he played with my hair.

"Come back to my place, Sweetheart?" Liam asked. I laughed and raised an eyebrow at him, and he laughed with me. "I don't want tonight to end yet. I've waited so long to meet you."

Andy's face appeared like an apparition. For a moment, Liam was Andy, and I was standing in his arms again. He had been taller than Liam but not as muscular, hair not as dark, skin not as pale. But then Liam said my name, and Andy vanished. I had definitely had too much to drink, or was it the old guilt resurfacing?

I shook my head as if it would erase the thoughts. I put a smile on my face and pretended to think it over, "Mr Cross, you're very bold."

"Indeed, Miss Walker." Liam grinned, playing along. Mrs Walker, I thought but didn't say.

"Very well, Mr Cross, I shall accompany you back to your home."

"Very good, Miss Walker." Liam lifted my chin and placed a light kiss on my lips.

Part 3