#Really Badly Drawn Tarot | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zablife · 1 month ago

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@pacifymebby You have no idea the excitement I feel when I see a new chapter of this series! I'm so in love with your description of Bonnie and your immense talent for story telling. You always leave me wanting more (which is prob why I ramble in the comments, hoping you'll give me some bonus material 😉)

You've captured Sonya's melancholy beautifully in that opening scene. The way heartache and loneliness creep in despite being surrounded by the laughter of her family 😢 Freddie is never far from her thoughts and I imagine that will only intensify as her pregnancy progresses in daily reminder.

"Had he ever really believed that we could escape our families and run away together? Or had they all simply been whispered dreams to string me along, to keep pulling the wool over my eyes as his family made plans against mine." Oof, this hit hard bc it's the first time I've heard her waver in devotion toward her lover, questioning his motives more thoroughly. I can't help my own naïveté thinking Freddie would NEVER, but now you've planted a seed of doubt. (How dare you!!)

As much as I adore the thought of our Romeo and Juliet, I'm still drawn to those tender moments with Bonnie. His easygoing manner with her is exactly what she needs to pull herself out of a dark spiral. How could you not fall for someone who is such a constant source of support? However, I found it intriguing that she frames this as mercy, her sensitive yet stubborn side revealing itself. For some reason these moments make me believe she'll end up with Bonnie bc she doth protest too much for someone who doesn't care.

That last scene in the library, surrounded by her mother's possessions, absolutely gutted me. (Need a moment to dry my eyes thinking of a sentimental Tommy saving it all btw.) Reading those journals to reestablish connection was a bittersweet moment of yearning. (Tbh all I could think was how badly this girl needs a mother to guide her thru motherhood.) For a moment I lost myself in the loving gestures captured in time, the girls' portraits and locks of hair.

But I have to admit the deterioration of thought in the journal, evidenced by the repetition of the same three tarot cards, jarred me back to reality. And I gasped as I read those last lines about the similarities Polly must have already glimpsed in Sonya's cards. I'm filled with dread wondering how else she might emulate her mother. Curled in the fetal position waiting to hear what happens to our sweet Sonya next 😬 Don't make her suffer (too much) pls 🙏🏼

Edit: I forgot to add what a quiet, yet powerful moment it was when Bonnie catches her with her hand over her womb. The gentle way he reties her ballet slipper, telling her to be careful on the stairs had me like 🥹 God, I adore him 😍

t r o u b l e / chapter thirty seven

Sonya

When I wandered downstairs in a pair of pointelle knitted socks and one of my brother's tshirts the house was fairly quiet. Not for lack of people in the kitchen and sitting outside in the garden however.

The sun had cut through the clouds early and by the time it had risen the garden had reached a pleasant warmth that had drawn most of my family out into the sunlit terrace. John was half asleep, beer in hand as he reclined on a sun lounger, shirt off catching a tan. He looked far too relaxed for a man supposedly at war but when I saw him I couldn't help but feel glad for him.

Esme was sitting on a picnic rug on the lawn beside him, all the bairns scattered around them, the baby feeding at her breast. There was music playing from the stereo inside and little Kitty was dancing around, her little pigtails half fallen out already.

"Mornin trouble," grinned John when he saw me, shielding his eyes from the sun as he pushed himself up to get a look at me.

"Morning..." I said quietly, searching the garden for signs of my other brother's who should have been back by now. "Is Tommy back?" I asked already knowing the answer before I'd been given it.

"Nah," he said, "nothin to worry about though Fen," he added, "been held up a bit but it's fine, he'll be back in a day or two,"

"Right..." I said slowly, eyeing him sceptically, noticing then how mightily pissed off Esme looked with him, how even Ada had rolled her eyes.

"You don't tell someone not to worry when there's nothing to worry about John," said Ada with a smirk and a shake of her head before she opened her arms out to me and beckoned me over.

When I joined her on the rug she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me backwards into a hug, trapping me between her legs and arms so that I couldn't escape when she started asking me questions in a hushed voice designed to embarrass me and pressure me into telling the truth.

"Pol tells me you spent all day yesterday off in the woods with a certain boxer..." She whispered with a teasing grin.

"He's been told to follow me everywhere Ada so that's hardly a surprise..." I smirked back rolling my eyes at her.

"hasn't told him to carry you home though has he..." She said smugly her shit eating grin so wide and bright when I turned around with a gasp and a glare.

"Ada!" I hissed, "shut up!" I giggled giving myself away entirely.

"Ooo," she giggled, "careful Fen you sound a bit embarrassed there..." She teased me her eyes lit up with mischief as my cheeks turned a deep red shade of scarlet.

"Ada!" I cried hoping she'd shut up before anyone else noticed what she was saying.

How I longed to be back in the woods then, just me and Bonnie, or me and Pol, sitting by the campfire, peace and quiet. No big sisters trying to tease me, no older brother listening in with a shit eating grin on his lips.

"Oh aye Ada she definitely fancies him..." He called over, "shoulda seen the way she was staring at him trainin yesterday, bloody scandalous..." He sniggered as I picked up the nearest discarded toy and threw it at him. A wooden building block sent flying towards his stupid face.

Of course he dodged it and was all the more smug for it as he reached down to pick it up and toss it back.

And just like that we were fighting the way we had when we were just kids. Me John and Ada, the three of us scrapping in the garden, throwing toys at each other, chasing one another round in bloody circles, screeching and shouting, goading one another into rushing our attacks and scuppering our aim.

"Bloody hell!" He cried when Ada finally hit him with a building block, the wood bouncing off his arm. "Jesus Christ woman that was brutal!"

"Deserved it!"

"Were on the same bloody side!" He cried back rubbing his arm theatrically, enjoying the sound of his children's laughter as they watched us, watched their dad being an idiot.

It felt good to laugh like that. To be playing outside in the garden, giggling, tears in my eyes as I laughed at John who had now fallen dramatically to the floor, clutching his arm. He was acting up for the kids, but I knew that he must have been feeling the same way. Relieved to be so light-hearted, even if it was just for this moment. Messing around like he was a teenager, rolling around in the grass to make the littlens laugh. It felt so good to be smiling so wide. So good to feel the vibrations of my laughter through my body. And as I settled down and took my place on the rug I felt a weight lift from my shoulders for a moment or two. Because for a moment or two, watching Esme rise to help him her stupid husband up off the floor, laughing as he tricked her and tugged her down on top of him, play fighting her in the grass until the kids all clambered up to save their mum. For a moment or two it was easy to believe that we were a normal family.

That there was no threat to our lives. That our other brothers weren't off trying to save my sister from God knows what in London. That we didn't have any enemies. That there was no war that was keeping us trapped here. For a minute it was easy to pretend that this was just a little weekend trip home to visit, that I'd be able to go home, return to my little flat with Sylvia, go back to school, to rehearsals, spend my evenings dancing across a west end stage.

And then just like that I was thinking about him again.

Because my little life in London had been perfect and I couldn't ignore the reason for that. Freddie. Freddie who had kissed me so tenderly, held me so gently, fucked me so passionately. All those murmurs and whispers of love. All the promises he had made me. All the times he'd promised me we wouldn't always have to hide. That one day he'd take me somewhere far away where we could live peacefully, romantically.

I felt guilty for questioning those promises now. Now that there was a bloodthirsty war waging between our families. Now that his uncles had sworn death upon every member of the Shelby family, including me. Including the baby growing inside me, Freddie's baby. Would he still love me when he saw me next, would he still want me knowing that I carried his child. All that responsibility, the threat to his youth. To the future he had whispered promises of to me. Had he ever really believed that we could escape our families and run away together? Or had they all simply been whispered dreams to string me along, to keep pulling the wool over my eyes as his family made plans against mine.

I knew Freddie was involved in his families work, knew he had just as dangerous a reputation as my brothers... As any of his too. I couldn't help but doubt his devotion, his honesty a little when I thought about how carefully they must have been planning their attack on my cousin. Would Freddie have known it was going to happen that day? Would he have known it was happening whilst I lay in his arms?

My hand slipped over my lower belly, resting over my womb as the troubled feeling inside me swirled and threatened to drag me down into a dark place once again.

It had felt so good to laugh, but only for as long as we had been laughing. Only for as long as the playful smile had lingered on my sister's lips.

When she looked at me again it was with worry in her eyes. Her eyes which had noticed my hand, noticed the worry which had washed over me. When she smiled at me this time it was with sympathy. I wondered how much she knew.

"Where is Bonnie boy anyway?" Asked John then as he settled back down sitting on the edge of the sun lounger with Esme tucked under his arm, returning to the beer he'd abandoned before, holding it to her lips to taunt her. When she swatted him away he sniggered like a teenage boy.

"I don't know," I said thinking about the lad I'd left sleeping in my sister's bed that morning. How peaceful he had appeared to be, his curls scruffed by the pillow, his face stone still as he rested, as if he were hand chiseled by one of the greats. "Perhaps he's still sleeping..." I added trying to appear nonchalant as I returned my attention to the children, to Kitty who had come to join us on the rug and was offering me her hair brush, asking me to to fix her hair for her.

"Kitty love ask her later, you'll only go and ruin it whilst you're playin..."

"That's half the fun John.." I smirked sitting her comfortably between my legs as I set about trying to untangle her messy pigtails.

"You gonna come watch us train again today then love?" He asked me, teasing light in his eyes as he began to tell the girls how I'd hardly been able to watch them sparring the day before. How I'd probably been worried John was going to mess Bonnie's pretty face up.

His exaggerated version of events left my cheeks burning with a blush. Scorned me a little too, because they seemed so convinced of my crush on Bonnie Gold, all so easily forgetting the man to whom my heart really belonged. The one I'd been sneaking around with for months, falling in love with secretly. The one who had begged me to come and find him. The one I couldn't deny.

Did they really think me so fickle? Or perhaps not. Perhaps it was worse than that. Perhaps they didn't really believe the depths of my love for Freddie. Perhaps they thought it nothing but a sordid fling. Fucking for the thrill of fucking the enemy.

"I have training of my own to do John..." I said losing my smile as I thought about Freddie, "don't have time to watch you to showing off..."

"Aye thats what I'm always telling him an all Sonya..."

Bonnie's smirking tone caught me by surprise. The sound of his voice and the sight of his trainers in the grass making me jump, leaving me to look up at him from where I sat with wide eyes and the beginnings of a blush.

"Think we can probably take it in turns though eh lass, give each other some constructive criticism?"

But with the feeling of my brother and sister watching me, their eyes flickering between me and Bonnie with amusement, I found that my own voice had slipped away somewhere. That I couldn't do anything but blink back at him totally stunned.

"Aye is that what you call it..." Murmured John, earning a gasp and sharp smack from Esme, his cry only muted by her giggle.

Ada giggled too, speaking up for me when she realised quite how stunned I was.

"And what would you know about Swan Lake Bonnie Gold?" She asked him with a clever smirk. Her eyes sparkling as she waited for his reply. Watched him hesitate the way his teasing had left me to moments before.

"Enough to know she don't need to practice half as hard as she thinks..." He nodded to me with a smirk, his eyes bright like Ada's as he settled down on the lawn at our feet and lay back on his elbows. His lazy curls fell into his eyes and he tried to push them back to no avail as he tilted his head up to look at the sky.

The clouds were thin, hardly there at all and the heat coming off the sun was a cozy, dry heat. The kind that makes you want to stretch out and relax. The kind that makes you want to reach for an Aperol or a Margarita.

"Aye I can believe that!" Agreed John finally returning to his sun lounger, poor Esme carried along by him and plonked down in his lap as he sat on the edge, the weight of them both together almost tipping the balance. "Our little lass eh, always were the families little miracle weren't you, all the brains and all the talent..."

I hated it when he waxed lyrical about me and Sylvie like that, because it was always John who did. Always John who had been soft enough to say it out loud, that he loved the bones of us and thought the sun shone out his little sister's. But it always ended the same way, once he started on that train we always wound up in the same place, and I hated it.

"Hard to believe you're a Shelby ain't it..." He said, the words leaving the same sorry taste in my mouth, though it didn't linger for long and for a reason which surprised me.

The reason being Bonnie Gold and the way he chuckled so easily, grinned as he shook his head, so naturally, laughed like he really did think John was joking.

"Y'joking right?" He asked, looking between John and Ada, who was smiling with that canny smile she'd always had. She seemed so secretly pleased about something, like she'd noticed something no one else had.

"You're joking..." Said John, shrugging the lad off, hammering the nail in harder a second later with another thoughtless joke, "I'd be havin words with the milkman if it wasn't for Syl..." He said, only silenced when I stood up sharply and Ada tried to snatch at my ankle before I shot off across the patio.

I heard someone thump and scold him but I didn't come back when he shouted after me, all "give over fen lass you know am only jokin!"

In that moment the blood had rushed to my cheeks so furiously, the pain in my chest so sudden and sharp that all I'd been able to do was what I had done. Run away.

So I stormed through the house in a flurry of wounded pride and scornful tears. My heart fluttering with the sorry ache those kinds of conversations always stirred in me. How I wasn't really one of them... Not so much the black sheep of the family, simply not family... Only family because my twin has earned us the right to be called Shelby, with her cunning, wily type of elegance.

If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be a Shelby at all.

Maybe it was a silly joke, the kind of thoughtless remark only John could make with a giggle the way he had. But it still hurt and it still reminded me why I'd been so easily courted by "our" enemy.

If Freddie had been manipulating me it was obvious to me why it had been so easy... And if he wasn't, as I desperately needed to hope now, it was still obvious to me why I'd found room in my heart for a family who hated mine so much... If I wasn't really one of them, if the Shelby blood really ran so thin through my veins, then why would it matter if I started sleeping with the enemy... If I let his warm and tender hands clasp mine in the middle of the night.

I didn't feel like I was being followed but I knew that Bonnie wasn't far behind me. I knew he'd have pushed himself dutifully up off the ground and gone dawdling behind me. Never allowed to let the liability out of his sight. Knowing this however didn't make me slow down or check over my shoulder. Instead I ignored the thought, pushed it to the back of my mind and headed down to that gym my brother had supposedly had made for me and Sylvie. Locked the door behind me, connected my phone to the speakers and began to run through my warm ups. Flowing between poses as gracefully as I could, though when I caught my reflection in the floor to ceiling mirrors I saw only a worn out, tattered version of the girl I'd been only two weeks before, when I'd been skating the thin surface of perfection precarious and carefully. Whoever I'd been then, when they'd been printing my name in the arts segments and discussing my suitability for the role of Odette online. Speculating whether my naivety would make for a convincing, vulnerable performance, or whether it would leave me shaking and shying away at all the wrong moments.

I trembled en pointe, watching myself with such an intensity, knowing exactly the conclusion they'd come to if they could see me now.

I didn't notice the door twitch when someone tried it only to give up moments later. Too focussed on myself, my delicate baby bird limbs unfurling from my body as I fluttered and crested, moved myself in inhuman ways. The handle didn't move again, but I wasn't really watching the door. I was watching myself in the mirror. Watching my body bend and twist as elegantly as I could manipulate myself to move. As delicately as I could flutter and shiver through the phases.

And somewhere between the steps of my dance, I stopped thinking about my brother, stopped thinking about Sylvie and the family and the war. Lent back into the symphony which filled the room. Let the music hold me. My fingers felt like someone else's fingers as they brushed up over my ribs, my muscles yearned for the ache which came with every stretch too far, every desperate grasp at beauty. And by the time I settled on the sprung floor, my body undulating with ripples of tragedy, I was breathless and floating momentarily somewhere outside of myself. Looking down at myself folded over on the floor. Little tears in my eyes because I'd tried too hard again only to skim perfection and not quite hold on.

The song finished for the who-knows-how-many time. Left me in silence, sitting forlorn on the floor.

And this time when someone tried the door handle I heard it, pretended I hadn't heard it, but sat there listening to it - the loudest sound in the whole room - waiting on the inevitable.

"Sonya lass..." I heard Bonnie's voice through the door and found the relief a little surprising. It wasn't that I hadn't expected it to be him, I was hardly shocked to find he was still out there waiting like the dedicated guard dog my brother was paying him to be. It was that I was surprised to find myself smiling at the sound of his voice... Almost guilty feeling that I was glad it was him waiting outside and not John or Ada or Esme. "I'm gonna let myself in now if you don't mind..." He said, didn't sound impatient. In fact it sounded like he was smiling. That growing ever familiar boyish grin, knowing and easy going. One which was apparently contagious...

"You don't have to do that..." I called back, rising to my feet in a worn out daydream, "I'll just..." I trailed off as I reached the door and turned the latch to let him in.

When I opened the door he was stood with a little smirk on his lips, leaning in the doorway, his elbow on the frame. His hand resting idly on the back of his neck. His eyes were soft and warm when they met mine and I could tell he was on the brink of some kind of apology.

"I haven't finished..." I started to say just as he was about to give me that sorry...

"For disturbing you like..." He finished, trailing off when he realised that my lips were moving too.

When our eyes locked I felt a wave of shyness wash over me, a ripple which subdued me and left me looking back at him from under hooded lids. He wore a faint blush across the hollows of his cheeks and for a moment he looked as though he'd brought something of the wild woods inside with him.

"It's okay..." We said the words at the same time, our voices trailing in sync with one another in a way which made him grin and me bite the tip of my tongue.

"You look worn out sweetheart, y'sure you're not finished?" He asked with a soft smirk, stepping into the room when I took a step back and allowed him past me.

My fingers were still holding the edge of the door and when I pushed it shut again I let my hand linger against the grains of wood. Choosing to stare at them instead of at him.

"Lost count of how many times I heard that big crescendo..." He carried on, "I reckon you've at least earned yourself ten minutes..."

He'd already thrown himself down on a heap of mats in the corner, his head resting on the curve of a punching bag. It wasn't a resting place I'd have considered comfortable until I'd seen him lying back, legs stretched out before him, one hand behind his head. His chin raised as he nodded me over and shot me a cheeky smile. One I felt a tug of guilt in my tummy for being tempted by.

"C'mon Sonya..." He said softly, "ten minutes?" He said, pouting back at me when still I didn't stray from my safe spot by the door.

I bit my lip. I felt strangely as if on a precipice, as if the choice I made in that moment, to sit down with him on those old mats, was more important than it might seem. As if more depended on it than I was willing to let myself believe.

When my fingers twisted the latch on the door shut they did so without my saying so. Did it so subtly and subconsciously that the click as the door locked made me jump.

He grinned when I crossed the floor, my ballet shoes making the softest of sandy sounds as I trod lightly on the wood.

I didn't mean to sit as close to him as I did, but that too happened without my saying so. My legs working against me too to settle me down right beside him, my toes inside my ballet slippers brushing his calves as I sat with my knees hugged to my chest. My hips beside his hips.

I let my head rest on my knees and closed my eyes, curled up, my head beginning to fuzz again, suddenly self conscious to be near him. Fighting with the tug of the comfort he was trying to offer me and the guilt which sat knotted in the pit of my stomach. Guilt which twisted, comfort which dizzied when he reached out to me quietly, his fingers brushing a delicate pattern down my curved spine.

"Sitting like that ain't gonna relax you y'know..." He said softly.

"I'm relaxed..." I said indignantly, my voice tight enough to give me away without the scorned blush on my cheeks which blossomed brighter the more the memory of how I'd come to be locked in that gym burnt on my brain.

"Aye y'are.." said Bonnie, his fingers on my back still trailing carefully, this delicate leaf like touch, coaxing my gaze round to look at him over my shoulder. "I'd believe that if I hadn't seen you down by the stream the other night..." He said softly, "sittin by the fire with me da..." As he spoke his fingers drew flickering flames down my spine, their gentle flow soothing my, lulling me into a softer state. One which saw my shoulders settle as I closed my eyes and remembered the way it had felt to sit beside the fire, fresh air tired, wearing Bonnie's fleece, watching the sparks rise into the orange evening. "Half asleep when I carried you all the way home..."

It was the smirk in his voice and the memory of his strong arms wrapped around my body which drew me out of the spell. Which left me sitting suddenly stiff and self conscious. Unable to look him in the eye for the blush on my cheeks.

"Are you..." I started, about to ask if he was teasing me, cutting myself off when I realised what a stupid question that was.

"Teasin ye? No love..." He chuckled, "not me..." He said, "I wouldn't dream of it..." But the light twinkling in his eyes told me otherwise and I couldn't help the smile on my lips. One I wanted so desperately to swallow down for the shame it carried. How could I smile for him, how could I be so fickle as to give in to him when somewhere in London my heart was waiting for me.

"I mean it though Miss Gray... I have seen you... The way you are when you let go of all the trouble you're keeping safe an secret in that head of yours..." He said quietly, sitting up slowly, moving to curve around my form, his chest barely brushing my back as one arm curved around me, his hand resting atop my knee, the other brushing my hair from my cheek as his lips brushed my ear. "So I know what it looks like when you stop worrying about holding yourself together all the time..."

"I'm not worried..." I said stiffly, sitting so still, so afraid to relax into his hold and yet so desperate to. Longing to give in. An image of his lips pressed to my neck, to my cheek... To my lips... A jolt through my heart... A flutter in the pit of my tummy I couldn't control. And suddenly I was breathless. Letting him hold me like that, letting him keep me close to him. Knowing the undeniable fact... I wanted him closer still.

"Not all the time at least..." He said, his lips brushing a kiss to the peak of my cheekbone right beside my ear. His fingers combing through my hair as he asked me without words to settle down.

"I know you're worried love, got a lot to be worried about..." He said, "but you haven't got to be worried when you're with me..."

And it was those words which turned me on him. Turned my mood, twisted the knife though he hadn't meant to. Because he was just trying to be kind. Only trying to do his best for the brokenhearted girl he perceived me to be, the frail Shelby sister who needed picking up every other day, dusting down and patted on the head because she couldn't handle herself the way the rest of the family did.

And because he didn't understand me at all.

He thought I was scared...

"I don't need you to protect me from the Italians gypsy boy..." I said quietly, the serpent flicker in my tongue just like my sister's. Just like my brother's when he was about to play the viper. "I'm the traitor who's been fucking one of them remember..."

But when I stood sharply he was two steps ahead, his hand snatching my ankle before I could dash away. Before I could move from where I stood just beside him, his hand had closed around my ankle, calloused palm pressed tightly against the silk soft ribbons wrapped around me.

My eyes darted to look down at him only to find his glaring up at me. So fixed and stubborn, so scorned and determined as he remained clutching my ankle, preventing my escape.

"Let me go..." I started, my eyes already teary, the spite catching up to me as I tried hard to burn and hold my own. To be as sturdy as my sister always managed to be.

He didn't say a word, only shook his head subtly, slowly, half a No. His gaze holding mine, earthy dark and all too honest. His hand remained holding onto me and when I tried to tug myself away the muscles in his arm tensed against me. He held me in place so easily.

"I said let me go..." I said again, my voice quivering a little, trying my best to keep my eyes burning, trying my best not to let the fear or the hurt show - already knowing that both would be written all over my face.

He didn't say a word, the downward curve of his lips soft with sorrow as he held my gaze. Something in his quiet stillness reminding me of a tree, thick trunk and roots which run deep and hold the ground together.

I looked down at him, well aware of the tears brimming in my eyes. Well aware that I could scream for my brother if I wanted, but that it might not work in my favour, that perhaps my backstabbing had earned me my lonely lowly place at Bonnie's mercy. Knowing that even if I'd thought John would take my side, see to it that Bonnie never laid eyes on me again, I still wouldn't scream for him. Knowing that it wasn't Bonnie's hand around my ankle that I couldn't forgive him for, but his hold on me in general. The way he seemed to understand me even then when I was trying so hard to repair the veil between us.

The way his hand around my ankle held me back not because of his strength but because of my weakness... The weakness I felt in my knees when he held my gaze and begged me quietly to return to him. To settle down and speak to him...

And I almost did. Would have done had it not been for my wandering hand, the instinctive drift back towards my womb, the guarding press of my palm to the curve of my pelvis... And his wandering gaze, dark eyes following the path my fingers took before they bound together to hold me.

The path his fingers took when they slipped from around me and instead began to tie the ribbons of my shoes which they had disturbed. Securing them so that I wouldn't trip on my way out of the door.

"Be careful on the stairs..." He told me, nodding to let me leave. Letting me go from his sight, not shifting to stand until my footsteps had echoed lonely down the stairs and been swallowed up by the silence I left him in.

🐇 🌙 🪽

"Fen!" I heard John call after me when I went pitter-pattering up the stairs, past my bedroom to the library where I knew I wouldn't be disturbed - certainly not by John who hadn't read a book since primary school.

"Fen!" He shouted, only picking up the pace to catch up with me when he realised I had no intention of stopping for him. "Fuck sake girl come 'ere... Ada'll have me balls if I don't apologise to you!"

"Better hide the fuckin knives then John!" I snapped back, glaring at him over my shoulder from the opposite end of the hall. He stopped when he heard that, stunned for a moment before he found the composure to crack a grin.

"Jesus sis..." He chuckled, refusing to take the threat seriously. I didn't linger to hear his closing remarks or to wait on the apology he'd been sent to give.

Instead I hurried down the hall, my slippers dusting the old wood, letting me flit, window to window to the end of the hallway and through the arched door which opened into the library.

I had found it on my first day in the house, when wandering the halls trying to find my way back to mine and Sylvie's bedroom. It wasn't the kind of grand, spiral staircase library with books floor to cieling that you'd see in films. It was much smaller, with a window seat and a lamp, velvet upholstery, cushions I recognised from our childhood in the caravan. There were books, kept in an order which would only have made sense to one woman and her children. Because the library, I had realised quickly, upon running my finger along the spines of old dusty Enid Blyton books, was a shrine to a our mother. The cushions in the windows were ones she had crochetted herself. The rocking chair in the corner one she had sat in by the campfire on crisp november nights, the blanket draped across its back the blanket she had draped around the shoulders of me and my sister when she'd held us both in her lap. Her tiny angels.

There was a chest between two pale green shelves which had been salvaged from the last caravan we'd travelled in, a small bookcase which had only just been taller than me and Sylvie when we were about five. In a darker, mossier shade of green our mother had spent a melancholic week painting a pattern of leaves trailing up each side. There were pencil marks too which marked our heights as we'd grown. I could still remember the day I'd finally outgrown those shelves, how proud I had been. I'd asked if it meant I was tall now, like my brothers and our mother had laughed and said of course, as tall as the trees.

I'd thought that when we'd abandoned the road and moved into that cramped little terrace on watery lane, that these traces of our old life had been lost, thrown on the skip with the rest of our mothers possessions when she had died and our father had gone mad with grief. It was no mystery who had held onto these things. He'd never said anything about keeping them, the things she'd made to make our little house a home, but of course he had. Somewhere underneath his ice cold exterior, somewhere beneath the blade of his gaze, Tommy had a sentimental side. A softness, a longing to hold onto everything our mother had given us. Because all the love we'd ever known had come from her.

And here was the remnants of that love, so carefully and quietly preserved in a room hardly anyone ever went. Perhaps only Tommy, Ada, and now myself. Perhaps that was why he'd known it was safe to keep her journals lined up on the top shelf. The books she had jotted her life down in, through drawings and pressed flowers, locks of hair, baby teeth held in place beneath cellotape. Our names written beneath them with a month and a year.

I had found them the first night but I hadn't dared open them. Knowing what they contained only because I could remember so vividly a time when she had trimmed my hair and tied it with a little red string, showing me where she was going to keep it. Pressed between the pages of a red clothbound book beside drawings I didn't understand then but had been fascinated by.

Well, I didn't understand them still but I knew what they were now, and I wanted to try and understand. Needed to feel connected to at least someone from our godforsaken family. Needed to feel close to her again, because it had been such a long time since I had, and because it was her my brothers always told me I carried in my soul. She was the reason I was the way I was - so erratically emotional, so not Shelby.

So I ran my fingers along the spines, some of them shabbier than others, until I found the red bound book which she had carried with her in the last years of her life. One which she had started when me and Sylvie were born, which followed her pregnancy almost neurotically and then petered out, only returned to in drips and drabs when she had the energy to go walking, or the clarity of mind to write, and draw again. Because it had been after me and Sylvie, that her sickness had really got a grip on her.

I took the little red book and sat myself down on the floor by the window seat so that the light from outside could wash over me and the pages I turned, but so that we could not be seen from outside.

I knew the pages I was looking for but I took my time finding them. Slowing down to linger on each mark our mother had left, the words she'd written, the shake of her hand, the little tremmors you could sometimes see in the lettering. The petals she had picked from flowers and left pressed between the pages. Some of them with a name written beside them - the child who had picked the flower and brought it home to her. Sometimes the name made perfect sense to me, sometimes it was hard to imagine an adolescent Arthur Shelby bringing home a daffodil for his mam.

She hadn't learned to read until adulthood so her words on the page were sparse, just a feeling hardly articulated or a name and a drawing. Little sketches of little faces we hadn't yet grown into.

There was something about looking at them - the little traces of her, the mother she'd been when she'd been carrying us inside her - that touched me. Got to me in a way I hadn't known it would until it had, and now that it had I felt stupid for being surprised by it.

Little tears pricked at my eyes, gathered in my lashes when I let my fingers trace the sketches she had done of herself, a swaddled shadow that was Sylvie and I, drawn not long before we were born. Our names written down for the first time. As I let my fingers dust over it I felt the unearthly feeling inside me once again, this strange unfamiliarity. Something growing inside me, which wasn't me, but was for now a part of me. I let my hand rest over my womb once again and closed my eyes. My mind returning to Freddie, to the father of my unborn child, who I couldn't let myself believe had betrayed me. Couldn't betray him by believing my brothers, though they had determined it with such fierce conviction.

In that moment I felt so far away from home, despite being nestled as close to home as I could ever be again. Holding my mothers journals, surrounded by the last things she'd made, touched.

I turned the pages slowly, pressing on the bruise, letting the ache twist and sting in my chest as I retraced the final years of the life of a woman I was supposedly just like, but would never know. And then I came to them, finally.

The last few pages she'd written in before her despair had really consumed her. Tommy had talked of it only once, described her illness as a kind of rot. Something evil and festering, black mould that starts in your brain, in corners, little shadows, that gets in your blood and travels all around your body, and wherever it touches that place stops feeling like you, stops feeling like its a part of you, and as it spreads you recognise less of yourself, and so it goes that you know yourself less and less, see only the shadows of that black rot, until eventually it travels all the way to you heart. And once it does well, theres little to be done to save you and very little time left.

He said it ran in the family, a curse we all had to be wary of. He lived his whole life with the certainty that he carried that rot inside him, that we all did somewhere...

Of course, I grew older, realised our mother had been suffering at the hands of a neglectful, sometimes abusive husband, who was wrapped up in all sorts of criminal activity. That she'd been forced to abandon the life which had nurtured her soul. That the rot my brother believed in was simply a depression, a melancholy, a paranoia that ran a little too deep to be cured. That in the end it was just exhaustion with the world which had sent her into that river with pockets full of stones. Exhaustion and fear...

A fear which had started the day she'd drawn the cards I was looking at, sketched out in her little red journal.

The Hanged Man, reversed.

Ten of Swords.

Two of Cups, reversed.

Needless Sacrifice.

Betrayal.

A split between two halves.

She had drawn these cards not once, but many times over the course of several months. There had been evenings she had sat shuffling her deck, praying into them as she did. I hadn't understood it at the time but she had been asking them, desperately pleading with them to give her another answer. To show her something else. A future she could withstand.

But whatever she had thought those cards to mean had sent her over the edge, plunged her into an inconsolable depression. I couldn't help but wonder now, whether Aunt Polly had recognised the cards I had drawn. Whether her mind had returned to my mothers drawings. To the images which had torn her apart.

On the next page the sketches were eerily similar. The story unchanged despite the altered sequence.

Two of Cups, reversed.

Ten of Swords.

Death.

Taglist:

@inalovesrabbits-blog

@zablife

@itsghostgirlyo

@marwwfairy

@toddlerbodybag

@everysage

@tommyshelbyswhore

@kxnnxy

@starrykitn

@call-sign-shark

@only-malala

@galactic3a

@darkcastle167

@feyresqueen

#zablife recommends #Layla 🎀

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sammysdewysensitiveeyes · 2 years ago

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Being a fan of more obscure characters often means that you have to scour through issues for any appearance, and sometimes their appearance winds up being wildly out of character because the writer didn’t bother to do any research for D-list mutant #27.

Which brings me to Spiderman/Deadpool #11, with an completely inexplicable and badly written appearance by the (dead?) Hellion Tarot.

Barely recognizable in her new bad-girl get-up, with her normally red hair apparently died black and pink. (I actually kinda like her new outfit, aside from all the unnecessary cut-outs.) Also, she is now distracting people with her tarot card manifestations in order to steal. Just as a reminder, here is what Tarot was like in her Hellion days, getting rejected by Doug Ramsey:

Doug, you fool! Tarot was one of the nicest Hellions. She was one of the team members that, had circumstances not placed her with the White Queen, could have been a New Mutant and eventually an X-Man. (In fairness, I actually think all the Hellions were potentially redeemable except Empath.)

But in this comic, she is written as ha ha funny French woman who uses her powers to rob people, and literally tries to kill Spiderman.

Tarot also is supposed to be dead when this comic came out. In fairness, Tarot’s status as alive or dead has been somewhat confusing. She first died with her fellow Hellions in a completely gratuitous shock value mass slaughter Sentinel attack. Much later, she showed up with King Bedlam’s New Hellions, having been somehow resurrected by him, in a way that’s never fully explained. After King Bedlam lost his powers in M-Day, Tarot must have died again, because she shows up in Necrosha as one of the temporarily resurrected Hellions brought back by Selene. They are all apparently destroyed again at the end of that story. (The poor Hellions never get to catch a break.)

So, why is she alive again, drawn off-model and acting completely out of character? Why, because of a writer that didn’t bother to do any research, and an editor apparently asleep at the wheel, that’s why!

In fairness, the writer of this issue was apparently Penn Jilette (Penn and Teller guest star in the issue), and I wouldn’t expect him to be up-to-date on every obscure Marvel mutant (that was the editor’s job, which they failed). In further fairness, Spiderman/Deadpool is a very silly, 4th-wall-breaking series, and this issue leans especially hard into the silliness. And hey, Tarot might now be completely jaded and cynical with all her deaths and resurrections, and apparently splitting off from King Bedlam. Maybe she’s gotten nastier as a result.

With all those caveats, though, fuck this bullshit:

My girl Tarot has been put through the ringer being dead then alive then dead again. All the Hellions, after their gratuitous and unnecessary deaths, have only been pulled out of mothballs when the writers need angst for Emma Frost or James Proudstar or the New Mutants. Even on Krakoa, where they are all finally resurrected for good this time, they are just cameos and accessories for other people’s stories. (They really only pop up in Zeb Wells Hellions series, to show that Empath is a piece of shit. Although Roulette and Catseye do get to beat him up at the Hellfire Gala, that’s a win there.)

So I’m rather annoyed to see this French caricature that bears no resemblance at all to the Tarot I know pop up in a stupid Deadpool comic as a throwaway villain.

Especially since there’s another Hellion that would have fit the story much better:

Who’s the blonde? Why it’s Roulette, Tarot’s team-mate who was one of the nastier Hellions. Not as nasty as Empath, but definitely a mean-girl type who didn’t shy away from dirty tricks. I could definitely imagine Roulette using her powers to rob people.

Oh, and did I mention Roulette has luck-based powers? And she was born in Atlantic City, famous for it’s casinos?

And this Deadpool story......takes place.....in Las Vegas.

This story would have worked so much better with Roulette as the throwaway villain who just wants to cheat people and steal (but then I guess they wouldn’t have been able to make as many French jokes, because those are all super funny, right?). Roulette was also dead at the time, but that didn’t stop the writers from using Tarot, it shouldn’t stop them from using Jenny. It would have been great, I wouldn’t have even needed an explanation for her resurrection.

Thank you, this has been my unnecessarily long salt post about a minor character being ooc in a single issue of a comic. Because nothing makes me hate a comics writer more than them badly writing one of my favorites.

#clutching all the hellions to my chest protectively and hissing at marvel #tarot #marie-ange colbert #salt

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lowcultured · 5 years ago

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The Lovers card also comes up for people in long-term relationships, often when the choice to leave or not to leave has arisen. More than just a ticket to ride the hot sex high-way, the Lovers is about making choices. An important aspect of this card speaks not of love but of building up your personal value system and figuring out who you are and what you believe in. It’s interesting that such a theme would be paired with the Tarot’s major love card, but it makes sense. If anything has the power to challenge our personal ethics, it’s the lure of attraction. In recovery circles, the biggest threat to a newly sober individual is said to be “romance and finance.” If the Lovers card has come up for you, you may be trying to make a romantic decision using the barometer of your morality. Is the person you are intrigued with already committed? Are you? Is it an office or academic situation, with a host of potential problems, that has piqued your interest? Is the object of your affections somehow off-limits—perhaps a close friend? Maybe you know the person you’re drawn to isn’t good for you, or maybe isn’t a good person at all, and you’re trying to figure out how you can indulge your powerful attraction without really letting this person in. Romantic complications present endless possibilities. What the Lovers card always wants you to do is take the high road—which is challenging. In fact, science has shown that obstacles placed before lovers only increase the brain chemicals that make them want each other so badly.

-Excerpt from Modern Tarot by Michelle Tea

#digital art #digital illustration #original art #fanart #killing eve #killing eve fanart #villanelle #oksana astankova #tarot imagery in killing eve #eve polastri #jodie comer #sandra oh #suzanne heathcote has got to own this book i mean jfc

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berrydoodleoo · 3 years ago

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Two tarot for the price of one! Ardyn and Ifrit as the Devil (of course) and Aranea and Garuda as the six of swords. More about these choices beneath the cut:

So first, Ardyn. I was not super drawn to Ardyn on my first time through the game, I was busy yelling at the characters (specifically Iggy and Gladio) for making such bad decisions. Why on earth would you trust him even a little bit?!?!?! He is practically carrying a sign saying ‘I’m a bad guy’! You’re protecting the primary leader of your government AND your only hope of salvation! Obvs I’m still frustrated.

But moving past that, I think the connection between Ifrit and Ardyn is interesting. It’s probably the most obvious connection, as they appear together often, and Ardyn can control him through the Scourge. But I think they mirror each other well on a story level -- Ifrit was originally a kind and benevolent god, who gave humans the gift of fire and uplifted them (like Promotheus). Ardyn was originally a kind and benevolent healer/king, who wanted to save humans from the Scourge. But like Prometheus, they both end up in chains and tortured for millinea. In the end, they both decide to destroy humanity.

They also tie into the Devil nicely. Upright, the card symbolizes oppression, addiction, obsession, dependency, excess, powerlessness, limitations. Reversed, it’s independence, freedom, revelation, release, reclaiming power, reclaiming control. The card itself shows the Devil front and center, with two smaller figures enchained at his feet (in this case Somnus and Aera). I originally had something more complicated in mind, including both Scourge Ardyn and Healer Ardyn to emphasize the upright/reversed sides of the card, but between the additional two characters and the flames, there was just too much visual chaos. And I had to include the Bone Throne, of course. :)

Aranea! This card took F O R E V E R, mostly because I decided to be clever and create Aranea’s canceled DLC look and Solara, who used a few existing elements but needed a lot of customization. I really liked Aranea’s character in the game, but I feel like the chopped story between Aranea and Solara is a major missed opportunity. There are a growing number of video games that focus on fathers and their children, and I would love to see something similar with a mother and her child. Aranea and Solara traveling and training together during the apocalypse, with Solara’s potential destiny as the Empress of Niflheim, would have been a fascinating mirror to the Witcher 3.

My original idea was to put Aranea and Garuda together, even though Garuda isn’t one of the Six. They’re both linked to air and the sky, Garuda as an eagle and Aranea as a dragoon and airship commodore, and they both have a tendency to drop in and save Noct’s royal rear when he’s in danger. FFXV Garuda is a counterpart to FFXIV Garuda, who is screamy and tyrannical, which mirrors Aranea’s role as counterpart to invading and conquering Niflheim.

Given the air connection of the characters, I focused on the suit of swords, and the six of swords really captured some elements of Aranea’s character. Upright: moving on, departure, leaving behind, distance, accepting lessons, and reversed: stuck in past, returning to trouble, running away from problems, trapped. Aranea isn’t loyal to the Empire, although she does care about her country and countrymen. In DotF, she is very aware of how she is exploited as a mercenary and commoner, but also how the MTs have it worse. Underlying that is the reality that, despite how badly she and her men are treated, as Niflheim subjects they benefit from the exploitation of the MTs -- and we know that the MTs are just regular humans whose growth has been accelerated and who have been systematically abused by Niflheim. So the card’s themes of running from problems captures this element of avoidance of responsibility, and the themes of transition and accepting lessons capture her rejection of the Empire and its military and taking on a role as a leader.

The card itself is a really striking image of a woman and child on a boat, with six swords stacked in front of them. There is a man pushing the boat, but to me, he always reads as an outsider -- he is standing well above the woman and child, and is separated from them by several harsh lines. To me, the card symbolizes the act of fleeing from hardship into peril, and being surrounded by danger and bleakness on all sides.

Which led me to creating Solara’s model! I stuck to her concept art as closely as possible, and also gave her a stuffed Cait Sith. I started with an unused child mesh from the game and rigged it with Talcott’s armature and using the Data Transfer to get most of the weighting correct. It was definitely a learning experience! It’s not perfect, but for a simple pose like this it worked.

For the rest of the card, the six swords became a six-legged spider demon (also chosen because ‘aranea’ means ‘spider’). The boat is symbolized in Aranea’s ship, approaching in the distance with a little help from Garuda. I’m still not completely happy with the final image, especially the wheat and how busy the composition is, but eh. I do like how Aranea’s jacket and Solara turned out, so I’ll have to find a way to use them again.

#ffxv #ardyn lucis caelum #aranea highwind #solara aldercapt antiquum #tarot series #aranea is such a badass and solara is so cute #my art

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beebabycastiel · 3 years ago

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✨joy list✨

I was tagged by the wonderful @smokey-mickey forever ago. I think part of me was still shocked as hell that someone so neat even thought of me? Like ME? I was also tagged by the sweet @milligar and @tomorrowillmissyou today, too! Again, ME? Anyway, here we go!

Snowy afternoons under a pile of blankets playing animal crossing and listening to the most gruesome true crime podcasts I can find <3

Getting Starbucks and talking shit with my mother

Shopping a T.J. Maxx for makeup and cute shit that I definitely do not need

Anything cute and creepy. Especially plushies

Speeding down the interstate while listening to music and screaming

Watching horror movies while I clean my apartment

When my winged eyeliner looks sharp enough to kill a man

The smell of incense, basements, crayons, and woodsmoke

When you finally get a tarot deck worked enough to where it shuffles so, so easily

long afternoons writing while my cat snoozes nearby

Organizing things (literally ANYTHING). Also! Watching organization TikToks

Doing laundry

Doodling badly drawn doodles on my they/them’s notebooks while they’re doing homework

The first forty degree day of the year in the Midwest

Bob’s Burgers and trash TV

The fact that my partner now mimics the way I say, “Where the FUCK. Are the Chivari chairs!?” When I’ve lost my phone for the seventh time that day

Obscure history facts

Craft supplies! And buying new craft supplies that I don’t need! (see above)

This fandom community that has welcomed me so so readily. I really cannot believe I got into Shameless in 2020 and not even two years later I have so many cool people who think of me-- even a little bit-- during their days. It’s makes me feel so connected and joyful. So thank y’all <3

tagging @kimberlovesgallavich, @mmmichyyy, @catgrassplantdad @vintagelacerosette, @itscurlyclaire @suchagallabitch, @shameless-notashamed, @sickness-health-all-that-shit and @teatimeallovertown or if y’all have already played or don’t really want to consider this a consensual forehead kiss from me and a remind to DRINK WATER!

#I am always done for podcast recs by the way #and talk to me about animal crossing #tag game #joy list #being a sappy sappy bitch on main but like #I really love this community and all it’s done for my mental health personally #It really made me feel seen and vauled when I was actively suicidal last year so I mean #thank you all #ANYWAY!!!#beebabycastiel facts #beebabycastiel buzzes #buzzing #Brandi lore

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forasecondtherewedwon · 4 years ago

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The Sun Is Coming Up (I Think It’s Time)

Fandom: The Irregulars Pairing: Spike/Jessie Rating: T Word Count: 2047

Summary: Telling Jessie he loved her in the heat of the moment was one thing. Repeating it when they weren't in mortal peril was something else.

Spike glanced back over his shoulder as he hefted the sack filled with his belongings. If that was what it was like living large in a big fucking manor, he didn’t want it. Rituals and horns and murdering all your mates. Billy’d kill him if Spike ever suggested they mess around with a deck of cards to see whether it would bring out anybody’s underlying murder-y feelings. No thanks. The cellar—and all of his friends being this side of the grave—was good enough for him.

“What are you thinking about?” Bea asked.

She nudged him with her elbow while they walked side-by-side, grinding the gravel road underfoot as they left Mycroft Holmes’s place behind.

“How much I love sleeping in a literal hole in the wall,” he told her.

Bea laughed.

“No, I’m serious,” Spike insisted. He counted off the cellar’s best points on his fingers, beginning by flicking out his thumb. “It’s warm. Sometimes. And it’s dry! Mostly… And nothing supernatural ever happens there. Other than Jessie’s bad dreams.”

He could feel that the case he was trying to make about how great their home was wasn’t exactly stacking up the way he’d wanted it to, but Bea was still smiling. It was gentler now than when she’d laughed.

“Yeah,” she said, “Jessie’s dreams.”

“Are you worried about those?”

“’Course. I’m always worried about her.”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed heavily before darting a cautious look at Bea from the corner of his eye.

They crunched along for a few minutes without speaking; the damn stretch of road leading up to the house was so long that Spike started to get nervous, glancing forward and back to make sure the property wasn’t trying to trap them again. But no, the manor was always in its proper place: behind them. Fuck off and good riddance.

It was a clear day after all that night and, as much as he’d rather have never come here, Spike could admit that the fresh air was an improvement on the smoke and the stench they normally breathed. Easier to take a deep breath without coughing and easier to see Jessie walking just ahead. She was on the left, with Billy in the middle and Leo on the right, and though that silky dress she’d been wearing the last couple days (or however long it’d really been) was back at Mycroft’s, Spike thought she looked like just as much of a lady in her own clothes. Something about the swish of her skirt and how her chin lifted when she turned to speak to Billy. Laughing, she was. Possibly at Billy’s expense, going by the scowl on his face. Spike grinned as he watched them.

“She told me what happened on the tower,” Bea said.

Spike nearly jumped out of his skin.

“She did?”

“While we were packing.”

“Uh… all of it?”

“As much as she can remember.”

“I’m sorry she remembers,” Spike said, looking straight ahead, but not at anything really. “She had her mind manipulated by that woman. Might’ve been better to forget and just have a blank.”

“Jessie doesn’t feel that way.”

“She doesn’t?”

Bea shook her head. Even looking at her too long made Spike confused. Felt like promenading with a princess, what with how clean Bea’s face was. She’d probably been washing it in liquified diamonds or something while Spike was almost slicing his fingers off every five minutes as he chopped vegetables with one of Mrs. B.’s terrifyingly sharp kitchen knives.

“It meant a lot to Jessie,” Bea said. She looked like she was studying his face, rifling through whatever she saw there for clues, his eyes like a book of loose pages or a drawer that rattled with odds and ends. Spike snapped his gaze forward again.

“What did?”

“What you said to make her let go of that pole.”

He sniffed and kicked a large rock in his path.

“Can’t remember.”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Bea complained. “I know you remember. You saved her life.”

“We all did. Some of us a little more actively than others, if Billy’s been telling the truth about what happened down below while me and Jessie were at the top of the tower.”

His friend released a growl of annoyance and he turned his head in time to see her roll her eyes hard.

“Has he told you that Leo didn’t help? Is that what he’s said? Is that why Billy’s keeping himself between Leo and Jessie, because he’s convinced himself that Leo’s not fit to be near her because he didn’t pound on the door as soon as we did? For god’s sake.”

“More or less,” Spike said with a smile.

“I’m gonna have a talk with him. Jessie doesn’t need him to go all protective like that.”

“He’s only doing it because you do.”

“What do you mean?” Bea frowned.

“For you, the most important thing is protecting Jessie and if Billy protects Jessie he’s doing the thing you think is most important, which will make you happy with him.” Spike noticed Bea’s expression sour into aggravation and threw his hands up in defense. “I don’t think that, he thinks that. I think. Just… think of it as Billy trying to be more sensitive.”

Bea snorted.

“That’s not sensitive,” she complained, gesturing to the way Billy was squaring his shoulders as Leo tried to speak to Jessie around him. “That’s… I don’t know. Brutish. He can’t decide whether or not Jessie and Leo are friends. Jessie can choose that for herself.”

“Just like you choose whether you and Leo are friends,” Spike piped up. “Or more.”

He spotted the red flare of Bea’s cheeks before, smiling, she ducked her head and murmured, “Shut up.”

“Can’t help it. Unlike dear Billy, I’m very sensitive. Got it coming out my ears. Unbelievably attuned to other people’s feelings. What?” he asked, because Bea was staring at him with this knowing look on her face.

“You told Jessie you love her.”

Fuck, she just said it straight out. Spike’s gaze danced around as it sought a place to land.

“We all love her,” he said.

“True, but…” Bea gripped Spike’s arm and hopped in front of him, walking backwards so she could look him right in the eye. “…that’s not what you told her at the time. You could’ve said, ‘We all love you’ or ‘Bea loves you,’ but you didn’t.”

“Well, now you’re just trying to make me feel stupid.” He smacked his forehead jokingly. “Christ, obviously I should’ve started with mentioning you. Jessie would’ve let go immediately. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Of course you weren’t,” Bea agreed. “That situation was insane. You didn’t have time to consider every option, you just went on instinct. But all of that,” she emphasized, circling her palm in front of him, “just shows that you knew you had to say the most important thing. Not the most logical thing, but the thing that was truest to you. So you told Jessie how you feel.”

Spike tried to laugh her words away, but Bea just lifted her eyebrows like it was too late, she’d found all the clues and solved the mystery. That was great for her. When she spun away and jogged up to Leo to rescue him from Billy’s dickheadedness, Spike still had those clues flapping and tumbling around inside him like a sack full of junk. He didn’t know how to reach into that sack and pull out an I love you.

He looked longingly at Jessie’s hair, tied back in a slightly changed way to how it usually was. He looked at her hands swinging along at her sides and wanted to hold one.

—

“I meant it,” he told her in front of the fire.

They were home, legs aching from the walk, but not so badly that Spike regretted rejecting Mycroft’s offer of a carriage to bring them back. A carriage would’ve made the journey faster, sure, but what was the cost? It could be that there was some tarot card related to carriages flying over the edges of cliffs or being set on by man-eating bears and, without a guarantee that Patricia Coleman-Jones hadn’t performed a magic spell over such a card, Spike felt safer on his own two trusty feet.

Jessie’s feet were a pair of lumps under the blanket he’d drawn up close for her, so she could be near the heat while she rested her tired body. He should’ve been resting too, but he was pacing. Those three words were the first he’d gotten out since he’d informed Jessie that he had something to tell her.

“I know,” she said, staring steadily up at him.

Her face was aglow in the light and one of her eyes shone—the other was in the shadow he was casting. When Spike realized, he quickly moved to sit next to Jessie instead.

“Yeah, but, I meant it,” he repeated.

“Spike.”

His name was a whine of frustration from her lips, which wasn’t ideal feedback for a love confession.

“I love you,” Spike stated baldly, watching her face with care. “Not like your sister. I mean, I don’t mean that I love your sister. Well, no, I love Bea, ’course I do, but I love her in one way and I love you in another, different way to how she loves you.” He clamped his lips together for a moment to smother the rambling. “How are you feeling about this?”

“Really irritated to be honest. Just…” Jessie reached out and pressed her fingers over his mouth. “…let me speak.”

Behind her hand, Spike nodded, eyes wide and earnest. They touched all the time. They couldn’t not, sharing this den. Always tugging each other up from the cold floor, a pat of thanks on the shoulder or back when one of them cooked the breakfast. The time Jessie tripped up the cellar stairs and didn’t want Bea to know she’d hurt herself so it was Spike who pulled the slivers from her palm and cleaned the blood from the graze on her shin.

When he thought about it, seemed like he’d loved her differently from the others for a while.

“I heard you on the tower,” Jessie said, dropping her hand. “Your voice broke through. It was the only thing that did! It was more powerful than the weather or how Patricia was compelling me. I… I couldn’t understand, not fully, that’s why I tried to do what she said again, even though you’d convinced me once, but I knew more when it was over.”

“What did you know?” Spike asked, and she laid her hand over his on the blanket.

“I don’t love you like I love my sister either.”

“I thought…” His voice trailed off as his gaze slid sideways. “I thought it would’ve been better if it’d been Bea up there with you. She could’ve brought you out of it faster, kept you from trying to obey Patricia a second time.”

“Maybe,” Jessie allowed, “but that doesn’t matter because you did those things.”

“Any of them would’ve…”

Spike didn’t know why the fuck he was trying to be modest now, but his mouth was just set on being self-sacrificing. Thank Christ Jessie didn’t have time for his nonsense.

“Yes,” she said. “But it was you. I’m glad it was you.” Her voice climbed, then lost its footing with a thick, hiccupping cry. “Spike, I could’ve died.”

In an instant, he had his arms thrown around her waist, holding her tight against him with their knees bumping—his outside the blanket and hers beneath it. She curled into him. He felt the flutter of her eyelashes against his neck, then the cold trickle of a tear finding its way under his collar. One of Spike’s hands went up to cradle the back of Jessie’s head.

“Not in a million years,” he said. “Not in two.”

She shook with a laugh and raised her wet face; he wiped her tears.

Spike was glad Bea and the lads weren’t there when Jessie planted a kiss on his cheek. He cupped her face when she pulled back, led with his mouth as he leaned in, and willed their friends to stay away just a couple minutes longer.

#my writing #The Irregulars #The Irregulars fanfic #Spike x Jessie #The Irregulars spoilers

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rosesloveletters · 4 years ago

Note

Hello there friend! The Fool, Justice, and the Devil please 🌻

Hi friend!💖🌻 thank you so so much for asking! I’ll answer these about both J & Pat<333

The Fool - What is something your F/O made your realize about yourself or the world? If so, what was it? What about them? What have you made them realize about themselves?

Patrick made me realize how important love is to me. He has helped me put a lot of things into perspective and has shown me that I have the right to my own happiness (“never let anyone, ever, make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want”). Patrick never let the world make his decisions for him; he kept to himself and the people who loved him saw him for who he truly was. We work well together in that aspect because no one sees us quite as we see each other. We know who we both truly are and that is what keeps us close.

J has made me realize that there is a darker side to the world that most choose to ignore or don’t believe exists. J sees people for who they really are and he does not sugarcoat anything for me. He tells me how it is and his blunt honesty is something I can respect.

I think, in terms of what they’ve realized about themselves from this relationship, is that they are both capable of loving and receiving love, which is probably a revelation to them. Pat kept to himself and closed himself off to the world emotionally before we met and J, well...I think it has come as a shock to them that they are loved and just as equally are they able to love.

Justice - How do you and your F/O balance your lives around each other if you have other obligations?

Pat, J and I live very different lives as it is; it used to be rare for the three of us to be together at any given moment. J and I used to do everything together - now its been really me and Pat, which J doesn't complain because it gives him time to wreak havoc in the city and do whatever the hell he does out there. They trade off and it really helps because all of us benefit from our alone time.

If I’m extremely busy with something, Pat and J will leave me alone until I’m finished and come looking for one of them. Otherwise, one of them is almost always close by.

The Devil - What are the darker parts of you and your F/Os personalities? How do they effect each of you?

Most of J’s personality is dark, so I don’t think I need to go into much detail there. His personality can get to me after a while because he is so intense; Pat and I compliment each other well, even though he does enjoy J’s darker humor.

Pat is very hot tempered and can quickly become argumentative. Patrick and I haven’t had very many arguments, though when we do they usually are fairly drawn out because it takes him a while to calm down. He can be very intense in the heat of the moment, so I don’t take his words to heart. He almost always comes sulking around, looking like an injured puppy until he apologizes and I let him cuddle.

I have lots of ups and downs emotionally and when I’m feeling particularly badly, I push them away, which is probably why I haven’t felt close or comfortable with them in months. It bothers J and Pat a lot that I push them away and won’t let them close; they both are very demanding presences and they vie for my attention every minute.

Tarot F/O Asks

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luna--reading · 5 years ago

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[PICK A CARD] WHAT IS COMING IN FOR MY LOVE LIFE IN JUNE 2020?

Hello lovelies~ ♡

This is a pick a card reading for “What is coming in for my love life for June 2020?” Please do find peace if it doesn’t resonate with you~ ♡

So take a few minutes to mediate on these 5 piles:

Left to right: 1 - 5

Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen!

You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡

Pile 1: Dolphin - Happiness, Playfulness, Virtue, Humour, Self-love

Romantic Tarot: Judgement, 7 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles

Everyday Witch Oracle: Strength and Resilience

Wisdom of the Oracle: Mending (52)

Sacred Destiny Oracle: Blessings

Whispers of Love Oracle: Love Makes the Difference (31) - Love helps heal past hurts and provides a sense of security and self-worth. // Relationship Patterns (32) - It takes strength to recognise the need for change.

Romance Angels Oracle: Unrequited Love - There’s not enough attraction or chemistry to keep this relationship going. // Wedding - This situation involves marriage.

Oracle of the Hidden Worlds: The Secret (40) - The unknown, mysteries, wonders

Lenormand: Fox (14) // Snake (7) // Sun (31) // Letter (27)

Okay, darling to begin, I just want you to ponder on these questions as we go through the cards in this reading: Have you been practising self-love? Have you been loving yourself as much as you love others? I feel that the Dolphin gives me a very positive vibe, but at the same time, it is also here to remind you that it is important for you to love yourself first. And I do see it in the cards, that you are asked to work on yourself, to shift the focus back to yourself for this June 2020.

Let’s start with those who are single, so I’m seeing that there might have been a situation whereby you are involved with someone that is an unrequited love to you. So basically, the other person didn’t reciprocate your feelings and instead, I’m feeling a sense of deception, a sense of hiding things purposefully from you. Honestly, I just see this person as a little toxic for your well-being and it might have led to a painful ending for you or just simply you being hurt badly by this person. I see that in this month to come, you are asked to heal yourself, work on yourself and focus on your self-love. You need to realise that you do have the strength to persevere and that you need to realise what it is that you have to change in regards to how you deal with relationships. I feel like you are a very giving person, you have always been the one giving more than others, you kind of don’t mind being the one that is being taken advantage of in relationships, but darling, that’s not how relationships work. It’s all about give and take, and as you give, you have to receive, to maintain that balance in a relationship, and I see that you have to realise what it is that you need to change in regards to your perspective of relationships. That way, you are then able to heal from these past hurts and wounds. Understand that only you can bring forth that sense of security that you need and as you achieve that sense of security and self-worth within yourself, as you start to love yourself, that way you can attract more love into your life. Now, I see that there is a possibility that this person that you have been dealing with in the past, is going to come back. There might be some form of communication between the two of you (regardless if it’s face-to-face, text message or even through social media) and I see this person trying to come back to you. Now, I feel like there is still some sort of hiding from this person, so like even when this person is sort of giving off that Ii have nothing to hide” vibe, I just feel like there are still things that are not being seen or said clearly between the both of you. So, for this month to come, I feel like as of now, really start to shift the focus back to yourself. Whether or not you want to accept this person is entirely up to you but the cards are telling you to really see things clearly and to really dive deep into questions and situations that you are unclear of. As of now, darling, you are asked to just have fun and look for the joyful being that you once were and just let yourself know that it is okay to get hurt in relationships but most importantly, understand the lessons that are being taught in the relationships that didn’t work out (this can also imply to relationships outside of romantic connections).

Now, as for those who are attached or married, I see that there might have been some sort of disagreements (now this can be huge disagreements or it can be as serious as unfaithfulness or just not being truthful to one another).

Now, if you are the one that is caught in this situation whereby your partner has been unfaithful or untruthful to you, I see that there is a chance for mending of ties. Now, of course, this is entirely up to you whether or not you are still willingly to provide this chance to your partner, but I do see that if you decide to give this chance to your partner, be truthful to one another. Be truthful not just in terms of the situation itself but also, be truthful in your feelings. I feel like you might have been keeping too many feelings to yourself and that it is necessary for you to let your partner know how you truly feel because darling, communication is important in any relationship. Only through communication can you improve on a particular aspect of that relationship and healthy communication ensures that this relationship can carry on in a more healthy manner. As for those who are not willing to provide that chance, I see that this person would still want to come in and communicate with you. I see that you are asked to still be truthful about your feelings but at the same time, be honest about what you want out of this situation. So if you want to be out of this relationship, voice your opinions truthfully and don’t let yourself be in this ambiguous situation that is going to be troublesome in the future.

Now, if it’s just disagreements or just not feeling as connected as before, I see that communication is very important for this month. I see that there might be some sort of digging up the past in arguments and that it’s only going to worsen the whole situation. Now, I’m not saying you can’t voice out your opinions, or your thoughts but if you are only saying this in a spite of anger, then it would only be detrimental to the relationship. If there is something that is bothering you, regardless if it’s something that has happened in the past, talk about it truthfully and once you’ve let out all of your emotions in regards to this situation, let it go. Don’t harp on it and have negative thoughts and energy to affect your connection.

So darling, in June 2020, I see that there is a lot of potential for healing, for self-love, whether or not you are single or attached. It is important for you to love yourself first and to love yourself as much as you love others. That way, you can attract the right people to love you. Understand that it is now important for you to let go of grudges from the past or even people from the past. Set those healthy boundaries and only let those people that you want in your life to stay within those boundaries that you have drawn. In this month, I see that through loving yourself, you are able to get that happiness feeling that you have been wanting to achieve and in fact, through loving yourself, there are more blessings coming your way. And this is definitely that positivity that you have been wanting when faced with those negative energy that has occurred in the recent past.

Pile 2: Rabbit - Abundance and wealth, fertility and growth, cleverness and creativity

Romantic Tarot: Ace of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, The Lovers

Everyday Witch Oracle: Transformation and Change

Wisdom of the Oracle: Exchanging gifts (27)

Sacred Destiny Oracle: Truth // Fulfillment

Whispers of Love Oracle: Simple acts of kindness (5) - Kindness energises you and brings happiness to those around you. // Turn on your heart light (36) - Reflect on a time when you experienced love. // Love is all around you (16) - There is love everywhere all the time. Simply acknowledge this as truth.

Romance Angels Oracle: Worth Waiting For - Divine timing is at work in your love life. // Let Your Friends Help You - Ask for and accept support from others. // Romantic Feelings - Your feelings are real and worth exploring.

Oracle of the Hidden Worlds: The Pathway (35) - Direction, purpose, change // Tree of Souls (42) - Collective wisdom, kinship group, library // The Seer - Future prospects, decision making, seeking guidance

Lenormand: Lady (29) // Stars (16) // Key (33)

Okay, to start off, I strongly feel this sense of abundance with this pile. I feel like your June 2020, regardless if you are single or attached, there is a very strong sense of feeling abundant, feeling loved, just feeling like you have it all in your love life.

Now, for those who are single, I see 2 scenarios and I’ll just list them both for you to see which one resonates with you. Now, firstly, I am getting this sense of subtle hints for the first group. Now, what I mean is that I feel like there is someone around you currently (most probably within your friend group) that is giving you subtle hints but I feel like you are currently not seeing it clearly. So, this can be in the form of very small acts of kindness or it can also be like them buying you gifts (like they might just happen to give everyone a gift but in actual fact, maybe they bought the gift for you first and then decided to buy for everyone else so as to not be so obvious). You know what I mean? It’s really kind of like them wanting to be nice to you but at the same time, they don’t want to be so obvious about it. Now, this can be because they feel like they don’t stand a chance with you or they feel like you have someone else in mind that kind of thing. But I’m also seeing that there is some kind of truth that is coming out in this month to come when it comes to this person. Because there are very strong feelings and guidance from the Universe when it comes to this connection and hence, I just feel like there is a very strong potential with this person.

Now, as for the second scenario, I’m getting you as the one that has some sort of feelings for someone and that you have been the one that is constantly gifting or you have been constantly hinting (subtly). I do see that there is going to be changes in regards to your love life and trust me, I feel like they are going to be such beautiful changes for you and your love life. Understand that previously things didn’t really work out because divine timing is at work, so the Universe didn’t want you to see certain things yet because it just wasn’t the time. But I feel like there is transformation that is occurring (this can be in your energy field or in the other person’s energy field) because I just feel like there is a very strong soulmate and mutual connection here but the Universe has been working behind the scenes for this to occur. And I feel like in this month to come, there is going to be a wish fulfillment. I see that this connection is something that you might have been wishing for and now, I do see fulfillment. I do see a new direction that is coming in for you in regards to your love life. And I do see a new beginning, a very solid beginning that has great potential for long-term connection.

Now, as for those who are attached or married, I see you embarking on a new journey. And I feel like this new journey is only going to strengthen your ties with your current partner. Now, it might take a while to make this decision on which path to take from now on, but I see that you are truthful with your partner in what you want and that is going to bring in so much abundance for you and your relationship. I just see something new happening and it’s going to bring in so much abundance for you and your partner. I see that you are gaining support, strong support from the people around you (especially from your partner) and that this is going to bring in fulfillment for you. This partner of yours, I strongly feel that they are a strong soulmate connection and that they are part of your soul family, which is why I just see a long-term commitment for this connection. So, it’s like if you have something new that you want to try (and this can be starting a new beginning elsewhere, having time apart from your partner), I just see your partner being supportive and encouraging you to go forth but it’s really kind of like “distance makes the heart fonder” and that it will only help to strengthen your ties with each other. So, darling, trust that your partner is going to be supportive of you and that you can be truthful to them in regards to your vision in life.

So darling, in June 2020, I just see so many positive changes and transformations coming in for you, regardless if you are single or attached. I see that you are attracting so much more love and support from the people around you and that this abundance in love is going to attract other kinds of abundance in life - for example, finances. I feel like the partner that you are meant to be with, is your divine counterpart. I feel a very strong soulmate connection, there is a very strong soul connection with this person and that this person is kind of like the perfect key to your heart. So darling, do trust in your feelings with this person and cherish them for as long as this connection lasts.

Pile 3: Tarantula - Teamwork, collaboration, having patience, be more trusting, positive changes are coming

Romantic Tarot: 6 of Wands, The Star, 8 of Cups

Everyday Witch Oracle: Hibernation and Regeneration

Wisdom of the Oracle: Treasure Island (9)

Sacred Destiny Oracle: Wonders

Whispers of Love Oracle: Actions speak loudly (49) - Express your love through actions. // Like attracts like (2) - If you long for more love, be more loving. // Express love through gifts (19) - A small token of love can convey great appreciation.

Romance Angels Oracle: Retreat - It’s time to disconnect from the world. // Keep An Open Mind - Your soul mate may differ from your usual type and expectations.

Oracle of the Hidden Worlds: The Healing Temple (1) - Restoration, cure, safety

Lenormand: Owls (12) // Child (13)

Okay, to start off, for Pile 3, I’m seeing a time of resting, healing, a period of inactivity for June 2020. I see that there has been a lot of forward moving action that has been taking place in the past few months and now, the Universe is telling you to pause, take a step back and let your angels do the work.

Now, for those who are single, I’m getting this sense of you eagerly searching for love, it feels like you have been doing a lot to bring love in, it’s almost as if you have been constantly trying to manifest this love into your love. And darling, the Universe is trying to tell you that it is time for you to take a step back, allow yourself to enjoy the time for now. You have been “working too hard” to find love and why not let yourself take a break for now? Understand that you are worthy of being loved as long as you realise that you, yourself, can love yourself as much. It’s like the Universe wants you to know that they have it all in plan for you and that you don’t have to be so active in finding love. It’s like you have been working non-stop just to find this love but trust that the Universe does have beautiful plans in store for you. And now, I see that you are asked to take a step back, recover and start healing yourself. It feels like you need a period of self-healing, and a period to yourself to allow yourself to move away from this stagnant period in your love life. Trust in the Universe that beautiful things are coming for you but really do have patience for this period as things are working out behind the scenes.

As for those who are attached, I see that there is a need for you to communicate with your partner. Now, this can be in terms of you expressing yourself or your partner expressing themselves and you come to realise certain things that you might have left out in the past. I see that you are asked to show appreciation for your partner, now this need not be in terms of gifts but just simply small actions of love would be greatly appreciated by your partner. It’s like because we are already so comfortable with each other that we don’t see a need to express ourselves in a loving manner like how we used to. But that is not the case and I do see that you are asked to rekindle that kind of passion that you once had with each other to keep the relationship going in a more healthy manner. And trust me, you would see wonders when it comes to this “new” beginning to this relationship.

So darling, in June 2020, I see that you are asked to have patience with certain situations whether or not you are single or attached. Things can be a little frustrating right now with all the situations that are ongoing around us right now, but trust that you are able to get the love that you want (if you are single) and you are able to rekindle that passion with your significant other (if you are attached). So darling, be more trusting that good things are coming for you this month and that as long as you have patience to wait it out, positive changes are coming for you in your love life.

Pile 4: Crow - Mystery of creation, manifestation, personal transformation, higher perspective

Romantic Tarot: 6 of Pentacles, Wheel of Fortune, Ace of Cups

Everyday Witch Oracle: Meditation to Dig Deep, Water Magic, Plant the Seeds

Wisdom of the Oracle: Round and Round (25)

Sacred Destiny Oracle: Change

Whispers of Love Oracle: Honesty is Essential (38) - Speak with love and truth. // Embrace your Emotions (18) - Allow your feelings to surface and be accepted.

Romance Angels Oracle: Make the Effort - Great love is worth taking the steps you are guided to take. // Playfulness - To recapture romance, allow your inner youthful spirit of fun to shine!

Oracle of the Hidden Worlds: Open like the Lotus (25) - Flowering spirit, revelation, maturity

Lenormand: Dice (39) // Male (28)

Okay to start off, I see so much potential coming in for you in your love life for June 2020. I see that you have been working on yourself, there has been a period of self-healing, self-love, working on your personal transformation and just simply bringing in so much abundance for yourself in the recent past.

For those who are single, I do see a significant masculine energy coming in for you (regardless if you are male or female), there is someone that is of a masculine energy that is going to come in unexpectedly. I see that this connection is meant to be, now you might have already known this person, and I see that currently you are starting to see the efforts that this person has made towards you and that you are slowly realising the emotions and feelings you have for this person. I see that you are asked to embrace all of these emotions, acknowledge them and that trust that this is divine guidance. You might have been in a situation whereby it wasn’t balanced and fair for you in the past which makes you feel a little hesitant to go forth with this person, but the Universe wants you to know that this time, there is a strong possibility and strong potential. Now, this person (like I said, is probably someone that you already know) and I just get this very strong sense of playfulness between the both of you. So I really do see there is a lot of fun and happiness with this person. Also, this person might reveal themselves to you in this coming month and I just see a beautiful new beginning for the both of you. It is almost as if the Universe is telling you that luck is now on your side, the wheel is turning in your favour, and you have been manifesting this love, and now you are getting it, darling.

As for those who are attached, I see that there is some sort of waiting for something to happen. This is subjected to individual situations but I see that you have been stuck in this situation for some time and you are waiting for a change to occur. Darling, there is going to be beautiful, positive changes coming in for you and trust that this is something that you strongly feel for. This is going to strengthen your ties with your partner and it’s going to bring in so much playfulness within this connection. Understand that you are required to speak the truth but be loving about it. If it’s something that you want your partner to change, remember that as honest as you are, show that you are loving and still care for this person which is why you want them to improve on something. Trust that with loving but honest words can bring in so much positive changes into your love life. Darling, whatever change that you have been waiting for, is coming in, so acknowledge your emotions as you accept this change that the Universe is bringing in for you.

So darling, in June 2020, I see positive changes coming in your love life, regardless if you are single or attached. I see that these changes are something that you have been trying to manifest, you have been waiting for, you have been working for. And now, this is the time when the Universe is saying “there, here is your reward for all of your hard work and patience”. So darling, I just see a new beginning in regards to your love life, regardless of which stage you are currently at in love.

Pile 5: Cosmic Egg - Creation, birth, expansion, spirituality, truth

Romantic Tarot: The Tower, 10 of Cups, 2 of Swords, The Magician,

Everyday Witch Oracle: Meditation for Creativity, Prosperity and Abundance

Wisdom of the Oracle: Fork in the Road (13)

Sacred Destiny Oracle: Simplicity

Whispers of Love Oracle: Back to What you Love (3) - Re-evaluate your desires. // I Love You (20) - These are powerful words. // The Only Thing that is Real is Love (7) - Shift your focus back to love.

Romance Angels Oracle: Reconciliation - Someone from your past is returning to your life. // Express your Love - Go ahead and make the romantic gesture.

Oracle of the Hidden Worlds: The Light Priestess (6) - Galactic wisdom, cosmic ritual

Lenormand: Bear (15) // Scythe (10)

Okay, to begin, I see that there will be some sort of truth coming to light for you in June 2020 in regards to your love life. I see that there will be some sort of finding out the truth and eventually setting healthy boundaries and cutting off the things that you don’t see a purpose in your love life.

For both my singles and those who are attached, I’m seeing that there is going to be an unexpected truth that is going to come in for you in your love life for June 2020. Now, this can be in regards to someone from the past or someone that you are currently dealing with. But I just see that there are actually 2 people that are involved with you - and one of them is going to be an ex (honestly). I see that there is someone that is going to come back from your past and seek some sort of reconciliation with you. Now, if you are single, I’m seeing that you are asked to re-evaluate what it is that you really want. Do you want to get back with this person or do want to cut this person out of your life? Do you see this person as the person that you can gain a strong support system from or is this person somewhat draining for your energy? I see that there is going to be a decision for you to make and that this decision should be made on your own desires, on what you see that is going to bring you prosperity and abundance for you. And trust that once you make that decision (whether you decide to get back together with this person or not) there is going to be a new beginning for you in your love life.

Now, as for those who are attached, likewise, there might be someone who is going to be back from your past and some truths might be told which can crumble your world somehow. I see that you are asked to evaluate the “truths” that are being told to you. Are you certain that that is the truth or is that the truth that someone else wants you to see? Are you certain that what you know right now is the truth or are those just stories that others are telling you? There are some obstacles that you have to go through with your partner, and I see that you have to see things clearly. You are asked to look at things from a neutral perspective and not let your emotions get the best of you. I feel like in this month, you are also asked to re-evaluate the trust you place in others. Now, sometimes we might not believe it, but there are times when the person that we place our definite trust in might not be thinking for us in the best ways - this can apply to the person that is coming back from the past or even your partner. So, in this month, I see that you are asked to believe in your own intuition. There is a strong feeling of connecting with your higher self in regards to situations that you face in love and at the end of the day, express your love to the one that you know is worthy of your love and that is going to go through all kinds of obstacles with you.

So darling, in June 2020, regardless if you are single or attached, I see that there is going to be some sort of truth that is going to be revealed and it might lead you to feel confused and anxious as you find yourself stuck at some crossroads. Now, in this month, I want you to trust in your own intuition, if you find something off about someone, clarify and find out the truth and use that truth to make your own decisions. I see that as you learn to cut off the people that are no longer serving you, you will start to receive the prosperity and abundance in your life.

#pickacard #pick a card reading #tarot reading #tarot #reading #love reading #june 2020 #june reading #love

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astudyingreer · 5 years ago

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Marvin The Magnificent’s Psychic Services on 14th

Warnings: cult/supernatural themes.

---

Chase walked up to the door, and immediately felt like leaving.

True, he wasn’t one for believing in the supernatural. Well, he hadn’t used to be anyway. But the grimy psychic’s office he was standing in front of, with the flickering neon open sign and peeling advertisements for palm readings stuck to the window was a little outside of his comfort zone. The place smelled like incense and weed, and from the outside it looked like a haunted gas station. Marvin the Magnificent’s Psychic Services.

He tried the handle.

It was locked--which he hadn’t expected--but he could barely think of another idea before it was opened from the inside. Thrown open, really, and Chase blinked to take in the sight before him.

The psychic--Chase assumed--was a six foot bored-looking man with long brown hair and deep circles under his eyes. He wore a half buttoned dress shirt and sweatpants, all under a large black duster with more pockets than he could count. Tattoos of skulls, pentagrams, words that Chase didn’t understand, etc crawled from under his shirt up his neck. Jewelry hung from every limb, and Chase peeked a stained tarot card deck tucked into his breast pocket.

“You’re Chase Brody?” he asked with a tight smile.

“How--who are you supposed to be, Hozier?”

“Oh boy, a real live comedian! At my humble psychic office!” The man stepped aside to let Chase enter and he did--he wasn’t really sure why.

“I’m Marvin the Magnificent,” he introduced with about as much interest as someone taking a McDonalds order, and walked through the grubby waiting room toward a narrow hallway. Chase followed, his eyes flickering to dusty magazines, to the payphone on the hallway wall with all the wires ripped out, and then to the bathroom signs at the end of hallway with the Male/Female signs scribbled out and replaced with SHIT HERE in black marker. The whole place was dimly lit like a Supernatural season 1 episode.

The back room was about what Chase expected: a table at the center of the room with two chairs, and all four walls stacked high with shelves of spooky and occult objects. Dolls, shrines, incense burners, all surrounded by lit candles that flickered softly in the darkened room. The whole place had a vibe that Chase didn’t like at all, but he sat down anyway.

Marvin sat down across from him, smiling again as he scooted his chair up and folded his hands. Chase noticed the way that Marvin’s eyes seemed to light up like highway reflectors when they shifted in the dark light, almost like a cat’s. He was probably just seeing things.

“So. ‘Brody.’ Is that a family name?” the psychic started, taking out his tarot cards from his pocket and shuffling them absentmindedly. Chase noticed he was wearing fingerless gloves with eyes stitched into the palms. Those, of course, also looked ancient as hell.

“What?” Chase asked, still a little disoriented. “Aren’t all last names family names?”

“You got me there.” Marvin reached out, snapping his fingers over an unlit candle on the table. Chase watched as a small spark ignited it instantly, flashing blue for a faint second before burning down to a dull orange.

Wow. Okay, so it was going to be like that.

“Listen, I don’t really, um...” Chase shifted uncomfortably, looking around the room. “I’m still not sure I buy into this stuff... yet... I kind of just have this problem with a friend that I need some advice on.”

"Uh-huh,” Marvin mused, nodded slightly as he splayed out his tarot cards on the table. As Chase looked closer at them he noticed the stains on the edges weren’t dirt like he originally thought. They were definitely darker, and glinted scarlet-purple in the candlelight.

“Everyone has nightmares,” he continued, almost to himself, “but you don’t give a shit about yourself. That’s not very healthy.”

Chase’s eyes widened for just a moment as he registered the psychic’s words. “Excuse... what? I didn’t tell you I had nightmares.”

Marvin put a finger to his temple, eyebrows raising dramatically and mouth dropping to an O shape. “Or did you...?”

“Okay. Okay, well... yeah, I’m having nightmares. But they’re about my friend, because he’s been experiencing some stuff that I think might be like...” Chase shifted again. He had a weird feeling in his stomach. “Demonic possession, or something. I don’t know.”

Marvin scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “Is that it? Demons are cucks, dude. They’re all cucks. Tell your friend to grow a pair and burn some sage.”

Chase chuckled nervously, fingers tapping on his leg just a little. “I don’t think that’s gonna fly with my friend.”

“Okay, well, what makes you think it’s a demon?” Marvin prodded. He was leaning forward now, his hands still automatically shuffling his cards with perfect muscle memory.

The question caught Chase off-guard just a little, and he shrugged. “Uh... well. He’s been, um, he’s been talking about nightmares and voices in his head. And then he... really hurt himself. Badly. Tried to, um...”

His voice broke a little at the end but Marvin seemed to get the point, nodding pensively as he ran his teeth over his lower lip. Then, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, he closed his eyes tight for a moment and began to mumble to himself. The candle in the middle of the room turned blue in an instant, burning taller in response. Cool.

Chase watched for about twenty seconds, eyebrows knitting in confusion, and was just about to ask what the fuck he was doing before his eyes opened again.

“Was he talking about circles?” Marvin asked suddenly.

“What?”

“The demon.”

“Oh. Uh... I mean, I’ve never talked to the demon,” Chase explained. “That’s my friend’s shit. He did mention something about hearing voices talking about like, time loops and shit?”

Wow, even saying it out loud seemed crazy. Chase felt a sudden burst of exhaustion and he ran his hands over his face with a long sigh. “I don’t know, dude. Part of me thinks that he needs help, you know? Like a doctor or something. He seems really stressed lately, but I just like, I know he isn’t crazy. He’s not crazy.”

“No, he’s not.” The look in Marvin’s sharp eyes had shifted dramatically--he seemed almost excited, but that couldn’t be right. “I’d like to talk to your friend.”

“He’s actually in a coma right now.”

“Not a problem.”

A short burst of laughter escaped Chase without thinking and he stood, shaking his head. “Okay, bro, I don’t really--I’m sorry, is this a pentagram drawn on the floor?”

Marvin glanced down, shrugging his shoulders a little. Halfheartedly he reached out to adjust the tablecloth as if to hide more of the pentagram painted onto the carpet beneath them. “Yeah that was--I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Okay, well, I don’t think it’s a good idea. No offense but I don’t really like, believe in a lot of this stuff.”

Marvin stood too, tucking his tarot cards back into the breast pocket of his duster. “You wouldn’t have come here if you didn’t. You’ve run out of options. And also Karma is finally coming around.”

“What?”

Marvin stepped forward, gesturing vaguely as his eyes widened. “I’ve been hunting this demon thing you’re talking about. It’s really important that I go in there and get rid of him. I won’t even charge you, dude.”

Chase looked him up and down, uneasiness growing. “What are you going to do? Like, a ritual or...”

“Jack won’t feel a thing, I promise,” Marvin told him. His flippant attitude from before had almost completely vanished--there was actually a hint of real desperation. Frustration, almost. “But I can help him. Or at least start to.”

Chase stepped back without thinking. His heart skipped a beat. “How did you know his name was Jack?” he murmured. “Who are you?”

Marvin’s eyes shifted in the low candlelight as they narrowed. He suddenly seemed much more imposing than before, like there was more to his form just out of sight. It was a weird feeling.

“Do you want me to help him or not?” Marvin asked. “That’s why you came here.”

Chase hesitated. The psychic was right. He was out of options. Maybe it was the vibe of the place, or the tone of Marvin’s voice, but somehow he felt completely confident with what he said next.

“Okay. You can come tomorrow.”

#cultist marvin hc #jacksepticeye #chase brody #marvin the magnificent

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