#Real world isn't a kind story though! But still I enjoy thinking about all this

[soodoonimin]

Logan Howlett and animal instincts (or in other words my long winded analysis of a comic book character)

So before I start, just know that I have read a lot of comics but I don't know everything. I can take notes all day long but I have a bad memory and comics are confusing so please be nice and enjoy, this took a lot of effort to put together, it’s mostly my thoughts on the character as I read the the comic books. The movie character is a lot different and I will also probably do something like this for movie Logan as well (though it will be significantly shorter).

Also there are some pictures that have blood and body horror so beware.

What does it mean to be human? Well that's a question we as humans have been trying to answer since we could think to ask it and ever since then we've never been able to give a fully conclusive answer. Why? you may ask, well because think about it like this, the traits we most often associate with humanity (higher thinking, creativity, empathy, and love) may not and some times do not always exists solely within us when applied to fiction, we write whole stories about how robots can be human too, how aliens can be human etc etc as long as they have these traits (more or less) AND LOOK I'm not going to get into a whole philosophical discussion about the nature of humanity on Tumblr.com but I do want to take a second to talk about how those traits are applied to Logan and how he has to fight to prove his humanity.

So mutants are an oppressed people but being a mutant isn't always the same for everyone. You can be a mutant like Rouge who can kill people with a single touch or mutant like Storm who can bend the weather to your will (the most obvious example). You can be a mutant like Jean with no obvious physical signs of your mutation or you can be a mutant like Kurt, where 9/10 people think you’re a demon of some kind.

But what happens when you're a mutant like Logan Howlett? I mean you look human enough, sure you're a little more hairy than most people, you have fangs, you smell, and oh yeah the claws but those are retractable so overall....you're just a normal person right? Nothing you can’t hide, right? Yeah, for the most part, yeah. But there are a couple of other things about you that someone might not know from looking at you, you have an extraordinary healing factor, you have almost animal like senses and when you are pushed to your absolute brink you go into a monstrous like a rage and kill everything in sight.

For every gift Logan was born with theres a very real curse attached to each one.

Healing Factor: Logan still feels pain, the healing factor isn’t just limited to his body but it also messes with his memories, and more importantly he’s lived a very long life. In The End comic and Old Man Logan comic etc, when he’s out lived most of the world, he’s miserable.

Keen senses: Seems great, until they’re exploited, imagine what being able to smell and see and hear that well all the time without relief must be like. Imagine not being able to tell when someone is going to die? Or when they’re lying or when they haven’t showered etc. sure you might get used to it like you might get used to pain but that doesn’t make it pleasant.

Claws: Need to really touch on this one? Aside from the obvious please remember that Logan’s claws aren’t in his knuckles but in his fucking forearms so when using them he needs to make an effort to direct them or….

Berserker rage: great to get you out of a pinch but you can’t control it. (We’ll talk more about this later)

Most people don’t see these very real downsides of Logan’s mutation, they just see a small, angry guy, who’s good at fighting and can take a hit better than almost anyone.

Here’s what worse, a lot of people (X-men included) don't see, they don't all the ways Logan hates himself (and those who do don’t see the depths of that hate he has for himself). They don't see the scared little boy whose father was killed in front of him. They don't see that little boy who killed his father's murderer and was abandoned by all but one person for one person (Rose). They don't see the young man who accidentally killed his first love while trying to protect her from his brother. They don't see the man who lived a relatively miserable life being plucked up by a group of people who only saw him as something to be experimented on. They don’t see the man who believes that if he loves someone he's destine to hurt them in one way or another because he has multiple times over (even if it wasn’t always his fault). They don’t see that for all the times that they call Logan an animal, he already believes them and he’s called himself worse many times over.

(Deep down he truly believes he deserves be to alone, especially in death. That would be his “deserved” hell. Eternal loneliness.)

Which is funny because I think Logan goes back and forth in deciding on whether or not he has any humanity in him in the first place. See in the Black, White and Blood comic, the FIRST story told in this series, is an account of Logan’s time at Weapon X and we get this…interaction:

Pourquoi tu me fais ça?///Why are you doing this to me? This "monster" asks him this on the cusp of death....

(Moments during the Weapon X program, be they real memories or not, when Logan’s humanity shone through)

And THIS almost immediately snaps him out of mind control he's under going. I don't know if he understood the words per say but I think even if he didn't, he still understood the plea on a human level. Because it wasn’t Weapon X who responded, it wasn’t the berserker, or Wolverine. It was Logan Howlett. It was a moment of humanity that broke the conditioning he’d been put through that answered that plea and stopped him. Because if you think about it, if these two memories actually are real, that means that Logan recognized this plea as the same one gave to the scientists. Now determining what did or didn't happen during the Weapon X program is difficult to parse out because they implanted false memories. BUT regardless of that there was always a part of him that held onto his humanity. But I think that just adds to the horror of it all. Imagine not being able to know what memories are yours and which ones are not? So let me ask, even if those memories are “false” does that make them any less real? Does that mean that Logan suffered any less under their stewardship? He was still kidnapped, he was still experimented on, still tortured. He still had the adimantium grafted onto his bones, he was still made into a living puppet and was still seen as nothing more than a weapon, an animal, a monster by the very people who were doing all of this to him and in some respects they are the reason he is seen as a monster by others.

At the end of that comic (where he was momentarily snapped out of his conditioning) he states that no his humanity wasn’t stolen from him but he still lives with that guilt of everything he can’t remember and the things he can remember are unreliable.

I know a lot of people haven’t read the comics so I’m not trying to do annoying about it BUT if you get the opportunity to PLEASE go read The Weapon X comic (by Berry Windsor-Smith) & Wolverine’s first limited series run (by Chris Claremont).

I specifically say that second one because I think the story that’s told is probably one of the more interesting told for Logan because of the relationship he has with Yukio and Mariko. I’m not going to get too deep into it because I really think you should read it for yourself but the basic outline of it is that where Mariko loves the man, Yukio loves the “monster”. And when he’s initially trying to court Mariko it’s his attempts to in a sense to court humanity but he fails and when he turns to Yukio. And for her part it’s not just as simple as her loving the “monster” but more than she goads it out of him, for thematic reasons and plot reasons. But needless to say, they both love Logan but they both love an incomplete version of him. (It’s a really good story and it’s literally what sold me on the idea of reading through any of the older comics.)

Anyway, (in the comics and movies especially) some people solely see him as a man with an uncontrollable side that they’d run from at the first sign of aggression and others only want that animalistic side and don’t love the man that Logan is. The thing is, he is both of those things. Think about it like this. As humans we like to think ourselves above the food chain, we like to think of ourselves as *more* than animals. And sure we’re definitely one of the most successful species of animals on Earth and we definitely don’t act on instincts in the same way most animals do, we’ve created society and rules and we do things a lot different than other animals but we are still animals.

So Logan isn’t both a man and an animal anymore than you or me. But he is a man that is more in touch with those animal instincts than the rest of us (bc of his mutation). Which I think is why when he does act on those instincts, people see him as less, because we (yes even comic book characters for this argument) only seem associate those traits with animals, with something lesser than ourselves.

The thing is, being “an animal” doesn’t need to be an insult or a condemnation of any kind. Humans are still animals but humans are still kind, and caring, humans have still created beautiful art and music and food and architecture and have got to the stars will probably go beyond the stars all while still being an “animal”.

So I think where most people get hung up on word “animal” is because it has such a negative connotation when applied to humans. And thus that negative connotation basically perpetuates itself so the only time we call other humans animals is when we mean to attack their humanity.

So back to Logan. Imo, there is no better example of this than the way people, Logan included, treat his (and subsequently him) berserker rage. Logan describes it as a monster that shares his soul, something else inside him, the real thing that makes him a monster, something that he doesn’t like, something he’s scared of, something he can’t always control but that he does everything in his power to keep away from the people he loves. Because Logan doesn’t like to kill, he doesn’t like hurting people. He might be good at it, he might be known for it but that doesn’t mean he likes it. Even when he thinks death is a deserved punishment, he isn't ever happy about having to kill. And he even says as much at one point in the comics.

And as a real quick aside, but this is almost exactly what sets him apart from Victor Creed. They're both men whose mutation gives them heightened animal like traits. The only difference is that Logan is ashamed of those parts of himself especially when they pertain to violence where Victor likes it, enjoys it; he goes out of his way for violence.

(If there is more to Victor Creed than meets the eye please tell me bc I gotta say I don’t actually know too much about him except that any time I see him in any Wolverine media I immediately laugh bc I know the two around to brawl. And I’m almost never wrong lmao)

And mind you there are times when Logan is also a hammer in the sense that he tends to punch his way through most of his problems. But he doesn't go out of his way for it in the same way Victor does despite having every reason to.

Logan has killed people but unlike Victor he isn't a killer. Even if that's what he's "the best at".

So when he goes into this specific rage that labels him a monster (an animal) it’s almost always in front of someone he loves and it’s almost always in a moment when he’s trying to prove his humanity (when it’s being used thematically and not for plot convenience). Like if you go read the comics 9 times out 10 when Logan is being called a monster or animal by some scientist or an enemy looking to humiliate him. But it’s almost always in the mitts of a life or death situation. A situation that anyone would fight light hell to get out of even with an amazing healing factor like Logan’s.

Because he still feels pain.

He still wants to survive.

He still feels.

And at the end of it all, he feels ashamed and horrified with himself and he'll always have to live with that guilt and shame. There's a point in one of the comics when he describes his heart as being slower to heal than the rest of his body and I think its interesting because although that story he's talking more from a "heart broken" sense. I also think that can apply just as equally to idea that it also harder for him to heal from not just heart break but also from shame and guilt. In certain situations, it takes longer for him to forgive himself emotionally because he suffers physically in the short term. He’ll never have a physical scar of his wrong doing and so he carries the emotional weight of it with him.

But also because he isn't just dealing with himself. In those moments when he comes out of that rage, the people he loves are in shock and are scared because they saw the “monster” and some people do reject it and in so they reject him and although rejection is something Logan thinks he deserves, it doesn’t make that pain hurt any less. it doesn't make it any easier to heal just because you agree with them, and in a way I think that's what slows down that healing process. Logan's inability to forgive himself.

Because that's the thing, Logan, would rather be scared of himself than forgive himself, be it because of his past trauma or because of the Weapon X program (which in the Weapon X comic it’s implied if not outright stated that the scientist at Weapon X are the reason he feels the fear he does about himself). Logan is scared of no one on Earth more than the man he sees in the mirror. And that’s because in his lowest moments when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see a man, instead he sees an animal, a monster. He doesn’t need the rest of the world to tell him what he already thinks of himself, it just doesn’t help that he has a choir of voices that are sometimes louder than his own telling him his worst fear is real. He is the monster that hides under his own bed but the problem is, while the monster is 'real' is a physical sense, it does not share a soul with him anymore than the boogeyman does. He wrestles with himself. Somedays he believes he's a man like anyone else and other days he can't drown out the voices telling him he's nothing more than a monster.

And as my last touch on the beserker rage, I want to posit my own theory about it. Personally believe to some extent that it isn’t part of his natural mutation and that instead it’s something that was “given” to him by the Weapon X program. The reason I say this is because I think it would make a lot of sense that like the adimantium claws and false memories it would make sense to give you “weapon” this uncontrollable rage (that mostly comes out in times of great duress). Not just because it would be one more thing Weapon X has taken from him (control over his own emotions/body) but also because wouldn’t that just make sense on the side of the people who ran the project? That your living puppet have a fail safe of sorts in case it ran into something bigger than itself? During the Weapon X comic, the scientist are constantly surprised by how resilient he is and even though some of this surprise happens in a false memory, they really do believe they can kill him at one points so if they thought they could kill him, why not something else? Why not give their investment insurance? And what better insurance for an animal than monstrous rage. 

But of course none of this is even to talk about the kind of person Logan really is. The thing that I think most people (in the comics) tend to ignore about Logan, in favor of focusing on his rough exterior (and some of his more questionable characteristics) is that he really does have a heart of gold. Now do not get me wrong, he can do some pretty fucked up shit (I will not talk about the Jean and Scott love triangle bc it gives me a migraine) but he does regularly do things that show how much empathy he has. That show that despite what he (or the rest of the world) might think, he isn’t a monster. The best examples of this are his relationships and more specifically the relationships where he’s a father/mentor. Like his relationship with Kitty Pryde and Jubilee, two kids that he basically adopts/takes under his wing and constantly goes out of his way for. Some of you might remember this post and the reason Logan does eventually fuck Wade’s shit up is because Wade literally punches the ever living shit out of Kitty in front of Logan. In another comic issue (after this), Logan beats the shit out of Wade again for punching Kitty, it’s funny but it also just goes to show that he does take protection of his family seriously. And mind you he doesn’t hunt Deadpool down, he find him by sheer plot coincidence when he’s getting a book signed for Kitty and the author just so happened to be Deadpool’s mark.

And mind you, Logan does have love for his own kids (Laura and Daken) despite the troubled nature of both this relationships but again those are a little more complicated. That’s partially for plot reasons but also because they play into just how much Logan hates himself that he struggles active show the same love for his adopted family to his “blood” family (again with Daken it’s a lot more complicated) but I also think that not only are his relationships with them fraught because of how much he hates himself but because both Laura and Daken were experimented on just and manipulated like he was (and in Daken’s case by a major player of Weapon X) so while he does love them past his own self hatred, they are also a reminder of his deepest traumas. It’s not their fault and it’s not necessarily Logan’s fault either, it’s just the cards their characters were dealt. (I haven’t read any comics with them yet so once I do I will most likely write my thoughts on his relationship with them each individually)

Regardless, Logan, depsite what he’d like you to think, is a deeply loving, empathetic and loyal person and this doesn’t just extend to people who considers family:

(Logan says this a man who not only a few issues ago was trying to kill him and his partner/friends. He saved Roughouse (the character he went berserk on a few pictures ago) because he was being experimented on in a way not too dissimilar to the way he had been by Weapon X. And if I remember correctly this is before he even knows how he got the adimantium in his bones)

He is James 'Logan' Howlett. He is a man whose life was stolen from him so many times over. He is a man who believes that the worse parts of him are all that matter and fails (or refuses) to see the good he has done in the lives of the people he cares about and believes that only death will truly bring him peace. He is someone who despite his flaws can’t help but to be kind. He is someone who fights like hell for what he believes is right. And even if he believes he’s a monster, even if the world believes he’s a monster, he will try to do the right thing because although he knows his soul is damned that doesn’t mean that exempts him from doing what good he can. He is someone who gives and good as he gets and then some. He’s the best at what he does but for him, that isn’t alway what he thinks it is.

And I think that’s the beauty of Logan as a character. Someone whose life is so wrought with tragedy and yet he is someone who can’t help but to be kind, someone who can’t help but love and care and find the humanity in the world despite the world seeming to be hellbent on taking his humanity away. Even though he (and many people in universe) might disagree with me, he is not only a one of the best humanity has to offer but he is also a shining example of the tenacity of the human spirit.

[httpiastri]

ollie bearman x crawford!reader

the instagram story was subtle enough. or, at least, so you thought.

ollie didn't seem to agree.

it was a video of you in the newly bought sundress you'd decided to wear to the sprint race today; twirling around in your hotel room, the geotag of "silverstone circuit" in the top right corner. but none of this is what ollie cares about: it's the choice of background music.

they say home is where the heart is, but god i love the english. you know i love a london boy…

the poor boy nearly had a heart attack when he saw it in the paddock. he thought it was super obvious; "i love a london boy" could only mean one thing.

your relationship with ollie is still secret from everyone, including your brother, to ensure that people won't get involved in your private business. besides, once the news is out even in just the racing world, you know it will spread and get big in no time; that's the way it usually is with formula drivers. especially fan-favorites like ollie. so, for the moment, you've decided to just enjoy wherever this takes you, without caring what anyone else thinks. but now, he's scared you've blown it.

your instagram account is on private, so you aren't afraid of fans snooping around and seeing it. but still, it worries ollie; your brother follows you, and that is much worse than fans, he reckons. when you first started going out, you thought it would be natural to tell your twin brother about it, considering the fact that ollie is one of his best friends – but ollie disagreed. the whole dating your best friend's sibling-thing never went well in the movies, and that's all he had to go after.

the song echoes in his brain all morning. during the driver meeting, his pre-race briefings, even as he watches the f3 sprint. he likes my american smile like a child when our eyes meet; darling, i fancy you. all morning leading up to the race, he's distracted and can't think of anything else, though his mechanics and engineers think he's just focused on the race ahead of him. ollie needs some kind of closure, and it isn't until he spots you walking down the f2 paddock that he finds an opportunity.

it's not long before ollie is supposed to get into his car that he sees you on your way to the dams garage. the sundress you showed off in your instagram story looks even better in the real world, and he can't help but swoon at the sight of your smile lighting up the paddock just as much as the sun. he snaps out of it just in time, because when you walk past the prema garage, he swoops out and grabs your wrist, pulling you in.

"ollie-" is all you can get out because now he's pulling you along with him so fast that you can barely even keep up. you manage to nod and greet a few of the prema workers on your way – most people recognize you as jak's sister since you spent a lot of time in the paddock with them last year – but soon, ollie has managed to find you a secluded corner far in the back with no one around.

you rest one hand on his shoulder as you try to catch your breath, looking up at your boyfriend with pinched eyebrows. "you..." he starts, letting out a sigh. "your story on instagram..."

"what about it?"

you weren't usually one to tease him, so he assumes you are actually sincere in your current confusion. the thought of your story may have been etched into his mind for the last few hours and the reason behind his displeasure might be totally clear in his head – but you never were one to read thoughts, which he sometimes forgets. "jak is going to know."

you don't look any less confused by now, which makes ollie feel even more impatient. "why would he know?"

"the song choice. london boy, really? it's so obvious." he pauses for a moment. "you can't do that."

his words are meant as a warning, but the smile on his lips tells a whole other story. no matter how scared he is that your brother will find out that you've been hiding this relationship from him, he can't stop himself from finding it just a bit amusing. and with the way that you're still watching him with such an innocent look and your other hand is also reaching for his shoulder, there's no way he can hold back a grin.

"sweetheart, it's one of the most popular songs out right now. in the entire world. no one will even bat an eye. plus," you tilt your head. "i'm an american girl in england, so london boy is an obvious choice."

"you could've chosen so many other songs about england, but you had to choose that one?"

the chuckle leaves your throat instantly. "you're not even a london boy, ollie."

he knows he's lost. he knows he's just worrying about nothing, he knows there's a much bigger risk that someone finds out about you being here with him in the prema garage than jak connecting the dots from just your story. but he can't give up just yet.

"i'll forgive you. but on one condition," he says, and you immediately nod at him. "give me a kiss. for good luck."

there's not even a second of hesitation before you get onto your tippy toes, reaching up to him. your lips are pressed onto his once, then twice, then thrice. you're both smiling into it, and his hands cup your cheeks, holding you close when you part for the last time.

"you know," he starts, thumbs drawing circles into your cheeks. "i fancy you."

the giggle that leaves your lips is like music to his ears. did he actually study the song? "oh, oliver," you say, trying to pull off your most british accent. "darling, i fancy you, too."

[sarasade]

It's been pretty interesting to follow the

"Why Didn't Viren Get Redeemed vs Viren Got What Was Coming To Him"

discussion after The Dragon Prince's 6th season got released.

Hot Take

I think Viren got redeemed.

Because to me Viren humbling himself and acknowledging the hurt he has caused was redeeming. His conversation with Soren was the main event. His rather heroic death was only the cherry on top of the character development cake that has been baking since s4.

I think Viren dying wasn't as significant as what he did before that and how he tried to provide Soren with some kind of comfort and closure, you know, as a parent should, before going. Viren's redemption wasn't just him dying for Katolis but acknowledging his wrongdoings and trying to salvage what he could.

That was pretty redeeming for me at least. Viren did the right thing even when he knew there wouldn't be any reward for it. Even if he couldn't stop Aaravos from destroying Katolis or manipulating Claudia even after his death. Like, man, I kinda feel for the guy.

I think it has always pretty easy to feel sympathy for Viren. Viren wants to matter and wants to be important. However, his grandiosity, as psychologists would call it, keeps him from creating genuine connections with others. His friends, wife and children are only there to prop up his ego or get rejected if they fail to live up to his expectations. It's also pretty damn tragic that Viren opens up about his deep insecurities to Aaravos of all people. Someone who was the most likely person in the world to exploit these insecurities for his own gain.

Viren had to taste his own medicide but I don't think TDP says that's an objectively good thing per se or that we should enjoy this sort of revenge fantasy uncritically. Viren is still portrayed rather sympathetically and of course there is the part about his actions affecting others and the world in unpredictable ways. It's still a tragedy because Viren's actions and personal problems have caused so much collateral damage. The Why behind Aaravos exploiting Viren and Claudia is part of that tragedy, too. There are no winners here. In a way Viren is a victim of his own narcissistic tendencies, too.

This isn't just about the final episodes of Viren's arc. To me it's essential to ask What was Viren's biggest sin he should be redeemed or punished for? Depending on your answer you may have a relatively different reading of s6 story development compared to mine.

To me it's not a specific action he took but his whole worldview. Viren is a fictional character (duh!) so his story isn't exactly literal but metaphorical, a representation of certain values and morals real people and society holds. In s3 TDP draws a pretty straightforward, though brief, comparison between Viren and reactionary right-wing ideologues. It's not exactly subtle.

It's just one way TDP goes to show how toxic and abusive Viren's core values are. that gets reflected both in Viren's personal life aka how he treated Lissa, Soren and even Harrow and Claudia (last two more indirectly). Since he also had a ton of political power as a high mage and briefly as a king we see what he did with that power. It's a pretty clear take on people who dehumanise others, fetishise power and see all living things as something to exploit. TDP explores that both philosophically and psychologically through Viren. Dark magic encapsulates this philosophy well since using magical creatures like tools or objects is essential for it to work.

Also also- I don't really get why people see redemption or atonement as something black and white. It's not bad or anything but Redeeming Yourself For Your Sins is a very Christian concept and Christianity isn't the only way to understand villain story arcs. Like I wish there could be more discussion about WHY redemption is the main analytical framework we impose on villains when villainous characters have a ton of variety anyway.

I don't really have anything to complain about Viren's death itself and I'm not surprised that he ended up dying (for real this time). Aaravos seemed like someone who'd turn against Viren the moment he stopped being useful to him so Viren's life has been hanging by a thread since s4. Viren was the best part of TDP and every scene he's been in had been a delight, well expect the s5 dream sequence because it was too long-winded and obvious, anyway, I'm sorry to see him go and I look forward writing AU fix-it fics where he and Aaravos are married and run a hot brown morning potion shop with all their four totally not dead children. RIP Viren. You lived like a messy bitch and died like a messy bitch. Iconic.

[randomrabbidramblings]

Phantom's "Captain Opera-Beard and the Bumbling Brigands of Toilet Water Bay"

[Opera Beard's design is bound to change, I'm still not sure about his coat and especially his hat]

I've thought about this for a couple of weeks now and it's time to share some things I thought of! There's no real plot and I don't know if I will ever evolve it further than this, but I hope you enjoy it! (if you don't, it's Phantom's fault he wrote it lol)

Opera Beard is said to have lost his heart after some kind of love story and that's why he's seemingly invincible. Voices say to defeat him, you have to put his heart back, so he can become vulnerable again. However, he holds a secret...

Opera Beard isn't properly "dead". He was cursed by one of his past lovers to be a ghost before he lost the heart.

The Pirates under Opera Beard's command aren't cursed. They were some of his old theater crew that stuck with him. Hovever, even if they were around since the beginning of their piracy era and witnessed him getting cursed to his spectral form, even they don't know what happened to the Captain's heart.

Speaking of the heart, it's not really clear what happened to it. Some stories say he lost it because one of his lovers was a witch and she stole it, some others say he purposefully threw it away because of a terrible breakup and some even say it whithered away for the overuse. Without his heart the Captain is said to be invulnerable, so it needs to be put back to defeat him.

One of the Captain's goals is to find a soulmate. He spent his life witnessing all of his lovers drift away from him, be it his fault or the lovers'. He always justifies himself saying he has too much love to give and all of his past flings were too overwhelmed by his affection.

Opera Beard can take a smaller form and manfest legs to disguise himself as a living being, but only during the day. He's still very recognizable though, so to prove he's not the cursed pirate, he can mimic a heartbeat. It's in this form that he will go around on land in search of his soulmate.

In his usual specral form he's interestingly very wary of personal space, however in his "living" disguise he's pretty tactile and physically affectionate. He justifies it as not liking his spectral form and not wanting anyone feel how cold he is.

The Pirates's way to attack other ships is tostalk them in rocky or foggy places, often in the night when the other ship is busy manouvering or finding their way. You know they're right behind you when your sailors stop singing but the song doesn't.

The Pirates are attracted to music even when they're not stalking anyone. It's one of the Captain's only weaknesses.

The Pirates kidnapped Princess Peach of the near Kingdom once. The Captain thought the lady whose pure heart was known around the world, would be the perfect soulmate. What he didn't think was that she had a whole army ready to fight him including a seemingly worthless sailor who was able to kick his ass. Opera Beard wrote a loooong song about this sailor drowining as "revenge".

And lastly the Captain's secret: his heart was never lost. He made up the whole thing as to give himself more of a "cursed pirate" look and to deter people to try and defeat him just after he was cursed with his specral form. His insistence on personal space is an excuse to not let anyone hear his heartbeat while he's a ghost and his "fake heartbeat" of his living disguise it's his actual heartbeat.

[kellyvela]

Hi, I love your goals Jonsa💓 I'm Brazilian and I joined the fandom recently. It's good to find a place to feel safe within the asoiaf fandom.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my random thoughts on Sansa's chapter IV in ACOK that I read recently. I know someone must have commented on it.

The previous chapter is about Jon, where he refuses to kill Ygritte even though it is his duty as a member of the Night's Watch and he knows that Ygritte is just another wildling woman. However, he just can't bring himself to do it, and I think the only time he actually killed someone was just an Other. But Ygritte was a woman and she was alive and Jon can't kill her, telling her to run away before he comes to his senses. He lets his mate kill the other two wildlings, but he takes Ygritte prisoner and even talks to her, treating her kindly. Isn't that the attitude of a true knight? I know that in this chapter there is the whole story of Bael and the winter rose, with the analogy of Jon's ancestry as well and in the next one we interestingly have Sansa's blossoming. Anyway, right after this chivalrous act of Jon, we have a very interesting conversation between Sandor Clegane and Sansa, about what? True knights. “Does scaring people make you happy?” “No, what makes me happy is killing people.” His mouth twisted. “Sneer all you want, but spare me the false pity. It is the making of a great lord. Don’t tell me Lord Eddard Stark of Winterfell has never killed a man.” “It was your duty. I’ve never enjoyed doing it.” “As if I were one of those real knights you like so much, yes. What do you think a knight is for, girl? Do you think it’s enough to curry favor with the ladies and look good in golden armor? Knights are good for killing.” He pressed the tip of his longsword to her neck, just below her ear. Sansa could feel the edge of the steel. “I killed my first man when I was twelve. I’ve lost count of the ones I’ve killed since then.” Great lords with ancient names, rich fat men in velvet, knights inflated with their honors like balloons, yes, and women and children too… They are all “You are the meat, and I am the butcher. Let them take your lands, your gods, and your gold. Let them take your wounds.” Sandor Clegane spat at his feet to show what he meant by that. “As long as I have that,” he said, pulling the sword away from his throat, “there is no man on earth I need fear.” (Sansa IV - ACOK) And then there is Sansa throughout this chapter commenting on how little she liked his personality: “Sansa hated the way he spoke, always so nasty and angry.” “She forced herself to look at that face now, really look. It was a courtesy, and a lady could never forget courtesy. The worst part was not the scars, or even the way his mouth twisted. It was his eyes. She had never seen eyes so full of anger.” "Sansa fled, speechless. She was afraid of Sandor Clegane... And yet a part of her wished that Ser Dontos had some of the Hound's ferocity. Gods exist, she told herself, and true knights too. So many stories cannot be lies."

I think it's all a contrast to the way Jon treated Ygritte, being the knight in Sansa's stories. Something contrary to what Sandor told her, that knights were only good for killing. He even put his sword to her neck, as if they wouldn't hesitate to take her life. And this is unpleasant for Sansa, she hates the way he always talks angrily about everything and the anger in his eyes, even though she feels grateful for him having saved her in the mess of King's Landing, he still tries in many, many ways to break Sansa's vision of "her enchanted world". And this makes him something that Sansa wants to run away from, because all she wants is someone "strong, brave and kind", someone to defend her, someone to love and be loved by. She wants there to be real knights in the world, because after hearing about it all her life, it couldn't be all a lie.

And she doesn't want her knight to be as weak as Dontos, but she also doesn't want him to take pleasure in killing like Sandor Clegane seems to. Well, Jon is all of those things, isn't he?

Well, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. Feel free to comment or disagree on some points. I also haven't finished reading all the books yet.

Hi anon!

I'm glad you like my jonsa metas ❤️ It's been a long time since I wrote one.

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It's true that other meta writers have written about this subject, here a good example:

Sadly, I don't have a link for Part II 😢

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Yes, I agree that Jon, and also Brienne, are good examples of people that can't properly be "knights" (Jon is in the Night's Watch & worships the Old Gods, while Brienne is a girl), but who truly embody the concept of a true knight that Sansa loves so much.

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You can read more jonsa metas here:

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Thanks for your message ❤️

[radiation]

Ok here are my brief thoughts on Mouthwashing. SPOILERS WARNING And mostly negative sorry. Lots of things i liked but i think most ppl have said that stuff already so i wont repeat it

Loved the art direction, really loved the dialogue, I enjoyed the game a lot in the first half. Unfortunately towards the halfway point where it began leaning further into the horror game shit it really started losing me. The gameplay segments where you get chased around by something or other were seriously just horrendously, horrendously badly designed and a lot of the puzzles felt repetitive or inscrutable (Altho keep in mind I'm terrible at solving puzzles/finding shit in video games. When people talk about "yellow paint" I'm 100% who that shit is for)

It wasnt just the gameplay though, I also just wasn't a huge fan of the metaphorical / scary visuals / out-of-body experience stuff. I felt it slowed down the pace of events and put a barrier between me and the reality of the story being told. It rarely communicated new plot points and ideas and mostly restated information I'd already received verbally in an abstract way. Yes they were visually stunning, very technically impressive, and a few felt genuinely novel and well-placed (the reveal of the mouthwash ad on the TV fucking ruled), but I feel like for the most part those moments were almost obligatorily following modern indie horror game trends. I understand the point of that kind of stuff and it definitely can be effective, but idk i see it so much Im just personally very tired of it unless it really justifies its own existence, and in this case i unfortunately felt it didnt

I also didnt find the sort of "twist" with the main character very compelling and the more extreme his actions became the more I became disappointed. Like once you start getting a guy feeding another dude his own leg at a table with a bunch of dead ppl set on chairs with party hats on (even if its intended to be metaphorical) you have killed my suspension of disbelief. Especially since the character work at the beginning of the game felt a lot more grounded it was just like really. I get its horror but thats trite as fuck sorry.

A lot of this comes down to personal preference but if it were me Id have pared down the gameplay so its more towards the visual novel direction and made the scenario and character behaviors toward the end more grounded/real world so the horror comes more from the Real Fucked Up And Horrible Shit That Is Actually Happening, not the abstraction of it. I really found the character dialogue so much more compelling, original, and better at communicating ideas than the metaphorical visuals, so just own that instead. Like i personally wouldnt have had much of this stuff or any at all but again, definitely personal preference, so if it we're going middle ground -- horror visuals can still exist in some form, but i think would be better as a backdrop that fades in and out rather than being something that, in order to experience, you have to totally disengage with the story at hand for long stretches

Another thing I felt and like, sorry this is pretty mean, but as much as people praise the story it really isn't doing much of anything new or different. It's largely well-executed, but as far as sci-fi and horror goes, it's really quite generic. A well-put together combination of a handful of movies and games and whatnot, but rarely much more than the sum of its parts. The moments where it went beyond that were in the very real-life themes and the character work, which again got lost little by little due to its increasing insistence on being an indie horror game. The point for me isn't that everything has to be totally original and not at all contrived, like familiar ideas being well executed can be really really powerful, its more that with all the issues there were i didnt feel the story was strong enough to completely redeem it

Also slowly dawned on me that Anya is pretty much just shelley duvall and it started bothering me like i couldnt stop seeing it

+ I found the writing kind of misogynist. Anya isnt a bad character but if you look at all the individual points of her character its like wow you had to have the singular woman in the cast have literally all of those traits and all of those things happen to her? Its very like 1980s male auteur movie director type shit. And if the shelley duvall thing wasnt a total coincidence that like, especially does not put a good taste in my mouth

Also Swansea fucking rules best character eva

[beneathsilverstars]

Dunno if you're only interested in thinking about ISAT related sillies, but I've been thinking of Siffrin's love of plays and poetry mixed with my love of musicals! It's got a script and there's stage settings so people walk the same paths and say the same things every time, but it's still performance art! There's still a magic in every moment and potential for new meaning and change- and that's before you think of how the people times and places also inherently shape things. Do you have any thoughts about what the ISAT party + newly adopted Nille feel/think about traditional plays?

Mirabelle enjoys them as much as any other sort of media, I think! She's more concerned with genre and character than format. It's too bad you can't easily re-experience a play like you can a book, but! That just makes it all the more special to see one! She took an acting class once, and even though she was only a minor background character, being on stage made her so nervous that she messed up her only line. But! That just makes it all the more impressive how brave and talented professional actors are!!

Isabeau loves them as a visual medium. The costumes! The set! The blocking! In the past he would've just said the play was pretty, but these days he will come out of the theater gushing about the visual symbolism. Mira's like "What did you think of the plot though?" and he's like "Oh, the plot? Yeah it was great, it was really clever how they foreshadowed the fall of the prince by tearing his cloak directly through the royal insignia in act one, especially because the blow would have killed him if his servant hadn't intervened; it's just like how holding onto the throne would have led to his death, meaning his servant saved him once again by removing him from power!"

Odile's fine with them. She prefers the private experience of a book, but going out and doing something with friends is a different kind of nice! It's fun to tease everyone about their reactions afterwards. And if she cried at one too once no she didn't. :|

Bonnie likes the action! A story you can watch! Except sometimes Siffrin picks boring ones that are mostly people standing around and talking to themselves and Bonnie isn't even allowed to run around instead. So, hit or miss for them. Every couple of years the kids in Bambouche put on a play, and last time Bonnie got to be a pirate, and it was awesome even though they had to be so careful to not actually whack the other kid with their sword.

Nille likes them a lot! Plays are maybe her favorite way to be told a story; it's so direct and clear and multi-sensational, you really get to immerse yourself in it. She often does gestures and voices while telling stories herself, it just makes it easier to follow! She was so proud of Bonnie when they got to be a pirate and only actually whacked the other kid with their sword for real during practice a couple times.

Siffrin loved the escapism. Stories are so grand, and everything that happens in them is so meaningful. A play ends the same way each time you watch it, yet you're still on the edge of your seat, swept up in the world the actors have conjured! Plus, seeing a play was the best way to kill an evening, sitting somewhere safe and comfortable while getting a little more familiar with the local language and culture. They liked experiencing unique small plays! They liked seeing how a world-famous play would get translated and adapted for different countries! They liked attending the same production three nights in a row and seeing if they could catch any little differences!

Post-canon... He's definitely not going to watch the same one three nights in a row. And not any that he has basically memorized, either. And maybe not the entire thing yet, maybe he has to leave closer to the beginning than the intermission a couple times. But!! Siffrin loves plays, he remembers that about himself, and even after everything, he can't help but love the familiar. So. He's working towards being able to be himself again.

Loop would rather get crushed by the king again than step foot in a theatre~!

[world-smitten]

i've not read the children of blood & bone books, but as a nigerian diaspora kid, i'm still gonna poke my nose in & have an opinion. I'll just say that Tomi Adeyemi, a Nigerian-American woman who only connected w/ her Nigerian ancestry in her 20s, was never gonna have anything "less" than an black-diaspora-excellence adaptation. In an ideal world, a Nigerian production studio would've brought the story to life with Nigerian actors who could at least pronounce Orisha w/o getting tongue-tied. But Tomi Adeyemi has put out a book with incredible success and has gained a limited fame that puts her among Black American celebrities, who are the people that she rubs shoulders with. She wouldn't "settle" for her NYT Bestseller book being adapted by a small(er) Nigerian production company w/ limited reach beyond the African continent & diaspora, featuring Nigerian actors whose names likely mean nothing to her (has she heard of Richard Mofe Damijo? Funke Akindele? Ramsey Nouah? Genevieve Nnaji? has she even glimpsed any of their films?). Paramount Pictures have the reach, they have the money, they have the glamour that fits the kind of glossy black-excellence narrative that has built the book up (hers was really the first African-flavoured YA fantasy books to get any kind of popularity/push in a western market). Paramount have seemingly thrown all the hottest Black diaspora actors into the pot, w/ no attempt to even look anywhere else. And again, I think Adeyemi defends the casting because she's sincerely very happy with it - a prestigious cast as deserving of a NYT bestseller, by a woman who clearly and understandably enjoys her success (if her insta is anything to go off).

It's an American adaptation of an American book, by an American author whose engagement w/ her heritage was severely limited by design (which I don't judge her for, I'm not exactly miss naija myself). I think this outcome (all diaspora Actors) was kinda inevitable, but idk why the ppl in charge of this film ever decided to pretend that was going to NOT be the case, by doing that whole "open casting" song and dance. Like just be straight up, you're not going to cast anyone who isn't 100%, bulletproof bankable. Like wth is Amandla Stenberg doing here lollll, always at the scene of the crime, that girl.

I'm pleased people are upset though. Black Panther was tolerable, but this isn't a Wakanda situation - Orisha, indigenous religion practitioners, the ethnic group it emerged from are very real. That being said, I think if you want fantasy works that sincerely engage with African cosmologies, you can easily do much better than Adeyemi's book. Nigerian SFF literature is on the up and up - you can start with the Nigerian authors in the Africa Risen anthology, who have published great work everywhere. These authors' works are very accessible - they're published in various online magazines. My personal faves are Dare Segun Falowo and Pemi Aguda - Falowo's work reads like a heady, nauseous fever-dream, but Aguda is always controlled, she knows the perfect moment to twist the knife. Her anthology Ghostroots was one of the best things I read last year. Falowo's Ngozi Ugegbe Nwa is a terrifying riff on old stereotypes about women living the high-life in the big city. And Aguda's Manifest is a total encapsulation of her work, her ability to condense societal anxieties into just a few narrative beats. I could go on and on (Wole Talabi, Oluwatomiwa Ajeibe, Chinelo Onwualu etc). While I don't know if I believe in a singularly "authentic" Nigerian culture that can be codified and then represented, these authors are living (or have lived) & publishing straight from the continent in spite of everything, so check them out.

[piecesofchess]

So anyway. Finished ZigZag today. I get I've already blabbed a lot about my experience with Arc 2 so far but I'll be collecting all my thoughts below just to log things for myself. Thanks to everybody who added their thoughts to my previous posts about all the P101 Updates.

The obvious thing out of the way -- the new voice acting is meh is at best, but I understand the situation around that and know much can't be done atm. I lament Catbeard having no presence in the story because of it though, and I feel like if he *had* we could've gotten an interesting/funny response to that whole "starting the war" thing, lol. Loved seeing Contessa finally getting to be around more.

Sinbad is fine and I like him, he got better later on. The business in Marleybone had me hooked getting to hear of Napoleguin and seeing Meowiarty again (although I wish more could be elaborated + explored about him and his situation) , but my god. My GOD. That dungeon going after Wheeler is one of the worst fucking things I have ever been through in the game. They seriously need to fix the enemies respawning and having our character locked in-place for post dialogue in there. Bran a Raven lord sucked ass, there was no real point to that whole Thing. But it's cool to see our actions on starting the war are facing consequences and all that.

The business in Aquila I really liked - I found myself thoroughly enjoying Hawkules' presence in the story. I just wish Tartarus played better on a technical level, as the environment is beautiful and I liked seeing Death again, everything was straight up my alley but I ended up getting aggravated with the map, broken quest things, etc. I KNOW KI has been informed of these bugs and I wonder just how much longer they'll sit there like the rest of the things needing fixed have been for years.

Krokotopia was...undermining and aggravating. As I said before, the map needs a serious fix on not forcing enemies to respawn in cramped areas that you need to revisit -- and everything just looks copy/pasted from Wiz and thrown together to be considered a 'new area'. I Just KNOW Krok can be a gorgeous place with a wonderful skyway of its own in Pirate -- just look at Mooshu and Marleybone -- but Kingsisle INSISTSSSSS that none of that can be done, even though it's been proven it can. But whatever. I doubt they will do a graphics re-haul of ZigZag anytime soon, even though I think it's the one new area that kind of needs it.

I'm reaaaally conflicted on this whole story thing. The whiplash of our parents saying 'Go to El Dorado! Don't go to El Dorado!' with KI clearly backtracking to say that it was all a trick from a Wizard just feels...confusing and lazy. Oksana would be a fine idea for an enemy -- in the game she belongs to. It's not that I'm against exploring magic and wizards in P101's story, but to have that replace the enemies we ALREADY HAVE and turn a 180 due to KI's rushed Book 15 update is. So disappointing. If our business with the Armada was finally done with, which it ISN'T, then maybe I'd feel more open to moving on with a different Main Villain or something.

These new worlds and updates are filled with issues regarding the quest mechanics (some question marks not changing, wrong companion models being used, empty dialogue box, no names in some of the dialogue boxes, some quests not being shown as completed even though they are, seeing Go to . , instead of area names, etc), map access still isn't there even though it would be nice to have, and you can still walk through some doors and walls in some areas. It's ridiculous things like these that prove to me time and time again these are being pushed / rushed out for the sake of content and to show that they are 'updating' the game.

Kingsisle...we have already been waiting for years, on what was considered a disappointing, rushed dungeon to end Book 15. I'm pretty sure a majority of us would be FINE waiting for a polished, fixed update. I get they don't have the same budget and team they used to, so updates like these will inevitably be underwhelming compared to Arc 1, but they could at least fix the bugs and make these a bit more playable.

The next update at least looks promising, as it is likely the Queen Elite are going to be in there, possibly Diego and Roberto (the two who I REALLY wanna see from the Wizard game!) and we will finally properly see Queen again...I can only hope KI won't mess it up by rushing the technical aspect of it. Blind Mew said he learned from his mistakes with Oksana, but the damage is done and she's already in the game, so I'm hoping the writing either gets better by integrating the Armada *properly* into it again, or Oksana just gets...better. I don't know.

--I know all of my opinions on this are pretty late, and most of these have already been expressed by other players, but I just had never been enticed by the premise of these updates, and I only enjoyed certain parts of it once I did play them. I am glad to see the crew's writing getting better, as it felt somewhat superficial in the beginning, and to see their dynamic again feels...so good. I genuinely missed them, the companions are one of my favorite things about the game.

I just hope my other favorite part of this game, i.e. the Armada, gets proper time in the story again. I will feel incredibly cheated if we never learn what happened to Kane's mind and how Phule and Queen are progressing with the current state of the Armada. I'm excited to get to know the Queen!Elite and if they'll have any proper names. But I am still craving a new world with its own skyway, or to explore the parts of Valencia we still can't access, and to see another puppet show in the future.

One last thing -- all of this felt worthless without a level cap increase. Hours of progress just to be at the same maximum level once all was said and done. Pouring hours into this just for the story is fine and all, but with dragged-out battles and challenging dungeons that give little reward, it feels like we're still sitting in one place despite moving forward. I hope KI finally implements what we want so we can finally feel like we're getting somewhere.

[okaeri-ossan]

I've been under the weather so I randomly picked up this Alice Soft visual novel called Diabolique. The company is a legend in the industry as is known for creating the (much praised and maligned) Rance series. I haven't played that but I have played Toushin Toshi and Mamatoto, both of which I enjoyed quite a bit. However, I've been really surprised by Diabolique so far...

Diabolique is a pure love story about a demon-ish kinkiller guy named Azulite falling in love with a very punished little girl named Leticia. Tragedy befalls them, and the immortal Azulite travels the land in search of Leticia's reincarnations with the goal of making her happy throughout all her lifetimes.

I was seriously surprised by how pure it all is. There were some lines in Toushin Toushi that made me go "awww" and I assume that's thanks to the writer Tori, who has had her in hand on Alice Soft since the start. There's lots of tooth-rottingly sweet sentiments, like "I'll chase all the bad things in your nighmares away" or "even if you won't speak to me, I'll watch over you so you're happy". They're the kind of straight-forward precious words that I always fall victim to. TOO KYUUUUUUTE! It gives the work a feeling not dissimilar to... joseimuke? But there's a bunch of monster r*pe sometimes too. But also there's cute stuff. So yeah, too kyute LOL

The most moe character isn't any of the heroines, though (even if Leticia and Aria are very adorable). It's the immortal demon protagonist, killer of his own kind. Azulite is the gentlest, sweetest man I have no clue how he ended up in an H-game.

When I said the game was pure love, I meant it. This man is too pure. He starts off the game wandering through the desert alone all badass-like before stopping to talk to flowers ("aren't flowers and humans the same?"). He's timid in front of people and painfully polite, always bowing and saying excuse me, tripping over his words when he's flustered (which is often). He has a genuine deep care for the heroine, promising to protect her from the painful things in her life. It's a promise so strong he follows her into her next lives. It's okay if she falls in love with someone else, as long as she's happy and safe. He tries to do all the domestic chores (FRILLY APRON TIME!), he gets up early to cook for her, he draws her a hot bath if she needs it, and most of all he watches over her when she sleeps so she won't get nightmares. In that case, isn't he like a guardian angel? He's a demon who hates himself and prays to God because he wants to be good, but I think he ended up acting like a real angel. Leticia, the poor heroine who experiences endless tragedy throughout her many lives, will always be loved where ever she goes. I still have yet to finish it but I want them to be happy in the end. And if they can't have a happy ending, then I hope he will continue following Leticia through her many lifetimes...

It's not a game I would recommend for various reasons-- the painfully outdated system, the menu functions that break the pacing in areas, the previously mentioned r*pe that pops up-- but it's got so much wholesomeness (I know that sounds silly after what I've just said) I can't stop reading. Sometimes, you need some sugar sweetness in a brutal world. Sometimes... malewife (╯▽╰ ) Okay time to go see if I can snag any doujinshis of the main couple they are mega totes adorbz KYAHHHH!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[moongothic]

You remember how in Ms Goldenweek's cover story, we get to see how the former Baroque Works agents have all beated up the other cellmates they had (not just in the mens' cells but also womens')

The way Daz is sitting on top of one of the prisoners, as if he was sitting on a throne or something, it definitely makes it look like he at least participated in the fight that took place, right

It just makes me wonder, did Crocodile himself participate in the cell fight, or did Daz handle it all on his own?

Like even with the Seastone cuffs Crocodile's hook alone should give him the most unfair advantage in a prison fight imaginable, so you'd think he'd be more than capable of defending himself if he felt like it. But also, considdering he didn't feel like even escaping prison... was he even in the mood for a fight? Like I don't think Crocodile would just allow some random, weak-ass pirates to beat his ass without a fight, but also... I can't help but to wonder... (Look you tell me what kind of a mental state Crocodile was in after his 4 year long plan to take over a country was foiled by a kid in flip flops)

Is it possible Daz took out all those other prisoners by himself (without Crocodile nor Mr 4 assisting him), either to make sure his boss didn't have to waste his strenght on them, or... did he maybe deal with the other prisoners to... protect Crocodile? Like the former would be straight forward manly man anime loyalty, nothing worth making a deepdive for, this is One Piece we get the trope. But isn't the latter option also plausible? 'Cause. Like. Daz was loyal enough to Crocodile to willingly go to Impel Fucking Down with his former boss whom he had only known for like a day or two at this point (I mean IDK how long it took for the BW members to get shipped to this Marine Base from Alabasta but you know what I mean). If some random criminals wanted to pick a fight with Crocodile in prison and he just seemed like he didn't feel like dealing with it, if Daz's was down to go to Impel Down with Croc, then would he not be willing to defend the man too??

Regardless, it just raises the question of... why? Why did Daz choose stay with Crocodile, despite Baroque Works failing so hard? Why did he choose to become loyal to such a cruel, horrible man?

Sad thing is, because we don't really know much about Daz, there isn't actually that much to go off-of to properly speculate here. But we do know Daz once dreamt of becoming a superhero! The irony of course being that not only he became a terrifying murder man, but also that he seems to lack that "superhero quality" of being... easily approachable, friendly, warm? Like he is a man of steel, but he's not The Man of Steel, you get me? But Daz's dream does tell us something interesting though; that deep inside, even if he doesn't show it at all, he might like the idea of being a hero? Like the concept of being a hero and saving people may have appealed to him, right? Because that's what being a hero is about, the heroic ideals of upholding peace and justice (and looking cool while doing it)

And arguably that idea still appeals to Daz. Even if he's frowning, deep inside he was enjoying the superhero costume Ms Goldenweek created, even if he can't admit it.

But in One Piece, the idea of being a "hero of justice" has quite different connotations than in our world. After all, the Marines are meant to embody that very idea, just in a far less cool, romantic way. We know the World Government is extremely corrupt, we know of the atrocities the Marines have and are willing to commit in the name of their so-called "justice".

So while it's entirely plausible Daz might've fallen "out of love" with his dream simply because his life just... lead him down a different path, and he didn't seem to have the right personality for it anyways... Knowing the WG, isn't it also possible Daz could have become kind of... jaded, knowing the "real life heroes" of his world aren't that cool, and don't actually stand for the ideals he may have looked up to?

And then he finds himself working for a man who seemingly wants to overthrow that very same corrupt Government?

[azucarmorena97]

Money Ties (Jungkook Love Story || Pt.9)

Pt.8 || Pt.10

Your parents have worked hard to get to the top and have made sure to teach you everything you need to know to be successful in this business: from tough but lucrative financial decisions, down to the right ball gown for any given banquet. A promising and extravagant future awaits you- that is, if you agree to one teensy detail...

Son of Mr.Jeon Sr. and heir to June Company, Jeon Jungkook is an immature playboy with nothing to offer a woman but good looks and a crap ton of money, and he stands to inherit much MUCH more, so long as you both enter into the arranged marriage contract that was drawn up before the pair of you were even born.

You're more than willing to try, but you're not sure you'll be able to stand each other long enough to inherit a single penny...

Series Warnings: There will be smut in the near future and I will label those chapters as such. As I say before most of my pieces- I do not endorse any themes, ideas, or behaviors in this series. This is all purely fiction/fantasy! Feel free to inbox me suggestions/ideas/what you'd like to see in this series and I'll see what I can do! Enjoy <3

Recap: For years, you've heard people say that your first time isn't as special as the movies make it seem. They say it's something to just get done and move on from so you can start having good sex- and maybe that's true for some people, but this? You like this.

- Lisa: Kookie, where are you? I miss you <3

Your heart begins to pound in your chest. You look over at the bathroom door, still closed, though you've heard a flush.

Without another thought, you dart out of the bed, quickly yanking on your clothes, making sure to leave absolutely no trace of yourself behind in that room.

You finally hear the bathroom door open though when you do, the hotel room door is already clicking shut behind you.

You sit in front of your computer, brows furrowed in concentration as your eyes dart from one tab to the next, typing furiously. Since you've been back home, you've been working non-stop, getting everything ready for your transition from your parents' business to Jeon Company. Beside the tedious tasks to be completed before going back to Seoul, you've made it a point not to think too much about your return.

"Don't you think you should at least respond to his messages?" B/f/n says one night on facetime. "I've been responding to mine and his mother's messages, he knows I'm fine, there's nothing to talk about." "Y/n, he walks around here like a lost puppy. He tries to hide it but it's so obvious." "Tell Lisa where her dog is then." "Y/n, maybe it was a misunderstanding." "Honestly, I don't really care anymore. I've made my peace with the idea that he might end up being my husband but he will never...never be mine," The sting is present but you ignore it. "There's no way you've made any sort of peace with...any of this. What you guys did was kind of a big deal." "It...was what it was. It was gonna happen anyway, and now I'm glad we didn't wait until the wedding night so we wouldn't kid ourselves into thinking it's some sacred act." "But it was." "I've uh, gotta go," You say, having received a notification of an incoming call on your apple watch. B/f/n sighs, "Alright...talk later." "Yeah." Without another word, you hang up the call.

It's not that you mean to be mean. You can feel yourself being short with your parents, with B/f/n, but you can't bring yourself to continue answering their questions. How are you? Why haven'y you called? Did something happen between you and Jungkook? What happened? It's humiliating enough to know he fucked you without any real plans to ever get rid of his ex-girlfriend- you don't need to be telling the whole world about it. The only reason you even told B/f/n about it was because she was the one who drove you to the airport. She could immediately tell something was off and you couldn't hold it in for any longer and began crying and carrying on. You've never been one for dramatics and tears...but this one stung. No, worse... This one might have finally broken your spirit.

"I could oversee the Australia branch on this one if you want. I'm much more familiar with the market over there -" You're trying to focus on the presentation being given by a member of the marketing department, though your mind keeps teetering back and forth between the information and your personal life. Suddenly, you see a txt message notification pop up at the corner of your laptop screen. Jungkook. Your heart skips a beat, though you quickly dismiss it and turn your attention back to the front of the room, but it doesn't stop- another message, another message, another- soon you have 5 messages from him. You bite your lip, feeling anxious to know what he's saying but not wanting to give in. "Uhm, you'll have to excuse me for just a moment," You say, shooting out of your chair and abruptly walking out of the room, leaving everyone staring at you from the other side of the big glass wall as you walk down the hall.

You take your phone out and unlock it, quickly opening up to his messages.

𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗸𝗼𝗼𝗸: 𝗬/𝗻 𝗜 𝗿𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗸𝗼𝗼𝗸: 𝗜𝗱𝗸 𝘆 𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗿𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗻 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸? 𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗸𝗼𝗼𝗸: 𝗦𝗼𝗺𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗳 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻, 𝗜 𝗿𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝘁𝗶 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗸𝗼𝗼𝗸: 𝗜𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝘆𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗸𝗼𝗼𝗸: 𝗣𝗹𝘇 𝗬/𝗻

"What the fuck..." You mumble, furrowing your brows. Is he having a stroke or something? You slap your hand to your forehead and press the call button on his contact. You swore you wouldn't talk to him at all while you were back at home, yet here you are, calling him. It rings only twice and then you can hear rustling on the other side, along with loud music.

"J-Jungkook?" You say into the phone, suddenly unsure if he meant to answer it, as it takes him quite a few seconds to say anything. "Y/n? Y/n- can you hear me?" He says loudly into the phone, his tone surprised and desperate. "Yes...I can hear you."

"Y/n, why haven't you been answering me?" "Because...I needed some space." "Space? After what we did?" It isn't until now that you notice his speech is a bit slurred. "Yeah, I needed space...hey, are you drunk?" "Are you still gonna marry me?" "Answer the question, Y/n." "You first," You narrow your eyes at the wall as though he were standing right in front of you. "Alright, fine. I may have had a few beverages. But it's your fault." "Please, tell me how this is my fault?" "Because you left me. You used me and then left me." You let out a bitter laugh, "Right, I used you." "So are you gonna marry me or what?" He repeats.

"I'm hanging up." "The phone or the relationship?" "You're not even making sense, Jungkook," You know perfectly well what he means, but you don't want to have this conversation with him, knowing how absolutely inebriated he sounds. "You don't make sense," He sounds much like a child. "Good bye." You don't let him get in another word before you hang up the phone.

You don't immediately return to the meeting, deciding you need a moment to gather yourself. As angry as you are, hearing his voice was oddly comforting. You hate that.

It's the last day of your time back home and you've packed up a lot of your things that you'll be sending to Seoul. The departure is bitter... there is no more sweet left in you to give you hope for your arrival at your new home. You don't know how you're gonna do it... your mom tried to talk you into having a bridal shower but you managed to wiggle out of it, though not without compromise. "What time is the fitting on Wednesday?" You ask your mom. "1PM. I arranged for everyone to meet fifteen minutes early though," She says excitedly. By everyone, she means herself, Mrs.Jeon, and all of your bridesmaids...including Lisa. For two to three hours, you'd be forced to play nice with the person at the center of your current rage- well, one of the people at the center. You'd be marrying the other one after. Though you suppose two to three hours is better than an entire night for a bridal shower.

"Make sure you sleep on the plane, the Jeon's invited us to dinner when you get back." "Great." "Don't start, Y/n. After Friday afternoon, they'll be family. You need to start playing smart." "I'm not playing a game to begin with," You say wearily. "Now, I don't know what happened between you and Jungkook-" You prepare to argue with her and tell her to mind her business, but she cuts you off, "-BUT- you need to put it aside and make amends. You cannot start this marriage on a bad foot." "Alright..." You concede. Pointless in protesting when you're gonna go through with it anyway.

The plane ride is long, though you spend about two thirds of it sleeping and the last bit, writing a portion of a project proposal you'd be sending your dad on behalf of the marketing team. If you just keep your head down and your mind busy, maybe you'll be able to float through the next few days without a hitch.

When you land, it's only B/f/n and Namjoon who are there to receive you. Typical. Though you'd been quite dry with B/f/n since during your time away, she is like a breath of fresh air and a sight for sore eyes and you can't help the big smile that spreads across your face when you see her. Of course, never one to hold a grudge, she embraces you tightly. "Wow, three weeks away and you'd swear Y/n was coming back from war," Namjoon jokes. B/f/n doesn't let go of you, just lazily hits him on his arm and continues hugging you. "Listen to me; you are going to be strong this week, okay? Don't think about anyone but yourself. I'll be right next to you the entire step of the way." Her words bring tears to your eyes and all you can do is struggle to nod, as she is holding you quite tightly.

When you get back to the hotel room, you drop everything and leap into bed, your heart content to just lay there... "Don't get too comfortable. Dinner's in...an hour and a half," She reminds you. You groan, face down into the mattress. You lazily roll over and stare up at the ceiling, "Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll be reincarnated as a bed bug." "You are such a weirdo." "I'm serious...and all I'll have to do is live in people's mattresses and feast and poop...if I'm lucky, some weary traveler will transport me somewhere great, and that's how i'll live my life." "Just my luck, I'll end up being the traveler," She grumbles, causing you to laugh. "That's right, you'll never be rid of me."

You practically drag your feet behind your parents and B/f/n. No part of you wants even to exist in the same vicinity as Jungkook right now, let alone eat dinner with him and his family. "You better fix your face," Your mom says over he shoulder, and though you're not able to fully see it, you know she's saying it through gritted teeth. "Ah, welcome back!" You hear Mr.Jeon's voice come from the direction just ahead, though your parents are completely blocking your view. You immediately 'fix your face', as your mom so lovingly put it, and stepped out from behind your dad to give the most fake smile of your life- though once the entire table is in view, you realize it's only his parents. No Jungkook in sight...and for some reason, your heart falls just a little bit, though you're sure your face doesn't give you away. "H-Hello, how are you both?" You give a small bow. "Oh, we're good. How was your trip? Did you get a lot done?" Mrs.Jeon asks, her smile warm and inviting. "Yes, I did. Thanks for asking." You glance at the empty chair and it seems as though she notices because then she says, "You'll have to excuse Jungkook tonight. He's at the office preparing for a presentation for Wednesday." "Oh, yes of course," You reach for your glass of water and look at B/f/n, who gives you a small smile. At least it'll be a calm dinner...

Dinner was a breeze, the conversation flowing between your parents effortlessly; you mostly sat with your eyes on your plate, your spoon pushing around the little rice you had left. You couldn't help but let your mind wander to Jungkook...

"Earth. To. Y/n," B/f/n calls in a robotic voice, waving her hand in front of your face. "Mm?" "You okay?" She asks, putting her hair up in front of the bathroom mirror. "Oh, yeah. Sorry...I guess I spaced out." "Mhm...was it in Jungkook land again?" "What? Of course not," You try to lie but you know she ain't buying it. "Don't you think it's high time you guys talk? It's been weeks." "If I don't see that boy until the wedding day, I'll be perfectly fine." "Don't let the universe hear you," She warns, rubbing her face cream between her fingers. "Fuck the universe," You say arrogantly before turning around and leaving the bathroom.

The next morning, your alarm goes off at around 6:30, eliciting a groan from you. You grab the pillow next to you and smash it against your face, not wanting to face the day. "It's tiiiiiiiiiiime," B/f/n sings at the highest possible pitch, mimicking Mariah Carrey's 'All I Want For Christmas'. "Shut up," You whine. She's usually not a morning person but as soon as your mom told her she was in charge of getting your hair and makeup done for the fitting, she insisted that you set an early alarm. Apparently, getting ready at 11AM for your 1PM fitting wasn't enough time because, as she so lovingly put it, she's "not a miracle worker".

"I don't even get why you guys are making such a big deal out of this. It's just a fitting- why do we need hair and makeup?" "You are probably the most annoying bride I've ever worked on," She rolls her eyes, patting the beauty blender lightly on your skin. "I'm the only bride you've ever worked on." "And you're already souring my experience. This is the first time you're trying on your dress- it needs to be a memorable and impactful experience." "Fine..." You cross your arms over your chest and roll your eyes, deciding it's better to give in than to keep fighting it. All you want to do is stay in bed and sulk.

The only good to come out of the fitting today is the fact that you'll be seeing all your college friends; Han Soo-Hee, Shin Se-Kyung, Jisoo, and Jung Chae-yeon. You'd not seen them in a couple years and it'll be nice to catch up. Of course, the only downside-

"Lisa!" Mrs.Jeon says cheerfully, walking ahead of you, B/f/n, and your mom into the bridal shop. Your heart starts pounding and you can feel your blood boiling instantly. "Breathe," B/f/n whispers to you. "Mrs.Jeon!" Her voice is sickeningly sweet and you can tell by the hug she gives her that she's intent on laying it on thick. "I'm so happy you accepted to be a bridesmaid on such short notice," Mrs.Jeon turns to the side and extends her hand to motion to you, "This is Y/n." "Y/n, it's so nice to formally meet you," Lisa says with a low bow. "Same to you." You're such a liar. "I'm so excited to see you in your dress- I'm sure you'll make a beautiful bride." Her comment takes you by surprise and it takes you a moment to respond. "Th-thank you," You blush. "Of course- I'm sorry, how rude of me. What's your name?" B/f/n gives a polite smile, though you knew her enough to know that it was totally fake, "I'm B/f/n. Maid of honor." "Oh that's so sweet- You're so lucky. I won't ever be able to be a maid of honor unless my best friend finally gets married. You may have met her. Rose?"

Your mind flashes back to Rose's burning rage that day when she pulled up on Jin while you were out to dinner with Jungkook. "That sounds vaguely familiar."

"Yeah, well anyway- probably never gonna happen. Her boyfriend's a raging asshole. Anyway, are we expecting anyone else?" Lisa asks.

This whole thing feels strange. She seems way different from the impression she gave that day in the bathroom at Kook's party. You expected to be met with a sour attitude and cattiness, but she seems quite...bubbly.

"Yeah, our four other bridesmaids should be here shortly," B/f/n says, checking her watch.

Not a second goes by and the bell on the bridal shop door chimes, announcing the arrival of the rest of your court. "WHERE'S THE BRIDE!?" Se-Kyung exclaims, throwing her hands up in celebration.

"MY GIRLS!" You cheer, both you and B/f/n running to hug your guests. Instantly, you feel yourself relax. It doesn't matter how this fitting goes, you finally have your people around you.

After a few minutes, you were all lead by a sales associate to a back room with various mirrors and a pretty pink couch, the walls lined with dresses upon dresses. On the furthest wall, facing the couch, is a platform with three mirror, meant for you to be able to look at yourself from all angles...the thought makes you want to gag.

You're going into this fitting basically blind, not having been shown a single stitch of your dress until this moment. The sales lady leaves you in a room with it, hung high up to keep the long train from sagging on the floor. You stare at the grand gown for some time- so long that the sales lady comes back and knocks on the door, "You okay in there?" "Just-just a moment," You say, scrambling to get your clothes off and slip into the dress, holding it up at the bodice so as not to expose your boobs before they've laced you in.

You don't dare look in the dressing room mirror- seeing yourself might just make it too real and right now, you're trying desperately to convince yourself that this is all one big dream that you're gonna wake up from. Once the dress is secured, you pick the heavy skirt up and walk out to your court, each lady waiting for you with a glass of champagne in hand. A series of claps and cheers erupt and you feel your face burn. You stand with your back to the mirror, facing everyone. Your moms eyes are welling with tears, Mrs.Jeon has her hands covering her mouth, B/f/n and all of your bridesmaid's are fawning over you. "You look absolutely gorgeous," Mrs.Jeon says. "Doesn't she? God, Jungkook won't be able to keep his eyes off you," Se-Kyung smiles ear to ear. "Or his hands!" B/f/n adds, causing you to blush even harder. Even your mom and Mrs.Jeon can't hold back a laugh at her most inappropriate comment.

"So, what do you think?" Chae-Yeon asks. "About what?" You ask. "About the dress, you goof." "Oh- it's fine," You say, looking down and smoothing out the bottom. "Just fine? Did you even look in the mirror?" B/f/n asks. You respond with a long period of silence, pursing your lips. "Turn your ass around and look in that mirror," Jisoo reprimands you. "I did!" "Liar!" "Ugh, fine." You cross your arms tightly over your chest, shut your eyes tight and turn around. You brace yourself for a few seconds before finally, slowly opening your eyes.

You'd heard about this before- this moment. The moment where you see yourself for the first time in the dress. In everyone's stories, it's the second or the third dress, maybe even the tenth- but the moment will always come where you see yourself in that dress and simultaneously, see your future unfolding in your reflection. Suddenly, your eyes begin to well too. You can no longer pretend; this is real. Mom was right, you think, the hair and makeup did make a difference.

"It's the dress," Your mom says softly, pride in her voice. Everyone erupts in cheers again, though you hardly pay it any mind- your mind is completely and totally fixed on this feeling in your chest...

You want to see Jungkook.

B/f/n helps put the dress safely in the trunk for you, leaving you standing there with Lisa, as the other girls had headed off to the restaurant to get your table and your mom and Mrs.Jeon went back to the hotel to start dealing with the preparations of the ballroom. Lisa had been quite warm and welcoming to everyone the entire fitting, and you began to question whether or not you'd imagined her conversation with Rose.

Could it have been that you misunderstood everything? You misread the situation? Did you fuck everything up by jumping to conclusions?

"Uhm- Hey Lisa, we're gonna be going out to dinner once we pull out of here...would you like to join us?" You ask, the words feeling strange as they come out of your mouth.

"Oh, that's so nice of you to ask- unfortunately I really have to go take care of some stuff at home. Rain check?" "Yes, of course. No worries...And hey, listen. Thanks again for agreeing to be part of my court." "Of course, it's not a problem at all," She opens her arms to you, a warm expression on her face as she goes in for a hug. You gladly return the gesture, though once she's pulled you in, she brings her lips really close to your ear, "Anything for Jungkoook."

Venom drips off of her every word, the air thick between you; and suddenly, it all makes sense. The uncharacteristically sweet smiles, the polite bows, the compliments...she's an actress, and this fitting was her stage. In fact, the entire Jeon family is a plot device for her performance. She doesn't want Jungkook...she wants to be adored.

This is why Jungkook doesn't believe me.

Before you're able to respond in any way, Lisa is letting you go, walking in the opposite direction toward her car.

The rest of the day is a bit of a blur; so much to take in and so little to time. Dinner, drinks at the hotel bar, and now, more drinks at a pub a few blocks away. You decide to put Lisa out of your mind and just enjoy the company of your friends: drinks upon drinks are passed around, laughter and merriment fill the air- before you know it, your insides feel warm and fuzzy and your mind more free and uninhibited. "I'm gonna call him," You say, standing from your chair, a self-righteous expression on your face as you pound your chest once. "That's the best idea you've had all night," B/f/n says. "Call him!" Se-Kyung shouts. "Call him, call him, call him!" They all pound on the table, cheeks cherry red and hair disheveled- you were the sloppiest bunch anyone ever did see.

You take your phone out of your purse and punch in his number- having grown accustomed over the past few weeks at seeing it pop up on your screen, you'd memorized the number by heart. You can faintly hear it ringing but the music in the bar is so loud that you decide to stumble your way out to the parking lot. It continues to ring a few more times before he finally picks up.

"Hello?" Jungkook's voice is groggy, like he'd been sleeping. "Where were you at dinner?" You ask, cutting to the chase. "Y/n it's...it's 1AM. Where are you?" "Fuck you," You slur. "Fuck you too," He returns the same cold tone, though he doesn't hang up. "Fuck you more!" You hang up on him, mouth hanging open in disbelief at how rude he's being. Clearly, you're drunk. You can't hold what drunk people say against them. "Asshat," You grumble, returning to your friends.

About fifteen minutes go by and everyone is absolutely zombified, with B/f/n having tapped out five minutes prior, her head resting on the table. "I'm never drinking again..." Jisoo groans. "It'll be at least...twelve hours before I can stomach another drink," Se-Kyung adds. "Y/n," A familiar voice says behind you. You turn around and realize it's Namjoon. "'Joon?" You ask incredulously, "How'd you know we were here?" He chuckles, "It's my job to know. Remember?" He walks around to B/f/n and sweeps her hair out of her face. She's sound asleep. "I'm here to take you all home." "I could've gotten a car, you didn't have to do that-" "Jungkook sent me." You blink in surprise. Jungkook? "You're kinda hot," Chae-Yeon says, staring dreamily at him. "Thanks but I'm seeing someone," He says politely, gently scooping B/f/n up into his arms. "Everyone ready?"

Thursday goes by quickly, with everyone scrambling to get everything ready for the wedding. Your mothers decided to hold the wedding at the other hotel location about thirty minutes away for a nice change of scenery. Decorations are being brought in, tables and chairs set up, tapestries are brought in and hung up all over the hall ceiling. It's all coming together quickly- a circus of workers directed by yours and Jungkook's mothers. You avoid thinking about the previous night's shenanigans, cringing at yourself for having sunk so low as to drunk dial him.

But you also can't stop thinking about the absolute lack of consideration- sending Namjoon instead of just getting you all himself? What a prick...not that you wanted to see him, but it's about common decency. Don't get someone else to do your job. Even if it is technically what Namjoon gets paid to do...

"Stop talking so much, I'm getting a headache," B/f/n says sarcastically, gently nudging you. You're snapped out of your thoughts, cheeks blushing slightly, "Sorry. Just out of it today." "I can see..." You both watch as flowers are placed inside of the tall vases at the center of each table. "Am I making a mistake?" You ask, not looking over at her. She doesn't respond for a few seconds and you begin to wonder if she even heard you. "Do you love him?" She asks. Your cheeks get hotter and hotter, embarrassed by her question. "Love? I- I barely know him..." You nervously twiddle your thumbs. It's true, you barely know him...but you can't help the way your heart flutters at the word: love. You'd never been in love before...but if you're being completely honest with yourself, you can't deny that this feeling within you is nothing like the crushes you've had in your youth. This is a heavy, sticky feeling- a painful yet exhilarating condition of the heart. Love...how could you dare to speak it out loud? "Only you can answer that," B/f/n says, referring to the initial question, "And once you do, the next question is...now that you've gotten to know him, could you see yourself going back to the way life was without him?" "B/f/n! Can you please help me with this? I can't decide if I want them to out the couple's table on the left or right side!" Mrs.Jeon calls out. "Bridesmaid duty calls," She says to you before jogging over to the far end of the ballroom to give her input.

Her question stays with you, like a heavy boulder on your shoulders. The truth is, you know you can't go back. Not now...not after all of this... You guess you have your answer.

You toss and turn all night, your dreams plagued with nightmare scenarios of how it might go during the ceremony. One moment, Jungkook is saying 'I do', and then you somehow morph into Lisa before he can kiss you. In another moment, he's completely walking away and running out of the church, holding Lisa by the hand. It feels like the night only lasts as much as the blink of an eye before B/f/n is shaking you awake, her hair disheveled and eyes barely open, "Girl are you okay?" "Wh-what?" "You were like...whimpering in your sleep- and your alarm has been going off for like five minutes." You suddenly become aware of your very loud alarm. "Sorry," You say groggily, reaching over and turning off your alarm, "Just had a rough night." "I can imagine...you're probably feeling really nervous." "Yeah..." You sit up and slouch forward, your eyes locking onto the TV that's already turned on and fixed on the news channel. You mindlessly watch as clips play, one after another- and then you see an image of the Jeons' hotel. It then switches to a reporter who says, "June Company will soon be merging with L/N Co., which will open jobs throughout the country, as well as in Australia, the United States, and Japan."

"Looks like your merger is making headlines," B/f/n says, jaw practically on the floor. Your face is completely frozen and your heart is pounding. You feel as though you may have an enormous panic attack. You obviously know that the Jeons are kind of a big deal, but you didn't realize just how important this was all going to be. "Y/n?" She sees your expression and quickly turns off the television. "Let's just get you ready, yeah? Come on." She helps you out of bed and leads you to the bathroom. You're practically catatonic for the next hour while you brush your teeth and take a quick shower.

You get your hair and makeup done at the other location, having been put up in a room that connects to the ballroom. Mirrors were brought in to aid in the court's preparation. Every few minutes, you look over at the dress that's hung up on the opposite wall from the collapsable vanity where you're sitting. You don't dare take it out of the garment bag for fear of messing it up. Your mind is still so full of thoughts, all shouting at you for individual attention. It's almost like you're on auto-pilot, the makeup artists asks you to tilt your head or suck in your cheeks, or puff out your lips and you do- though it doesn't register that you've been cooperating so well until those odd moments you look in the mirror and realize your face is almost done.

In fact, you're so out of it that you don't notice Lisa come in. Now, your bridesmaids lovingly picked out coordinated velour tracksuits; yours is black, theirs are pink. They even got one for Lisa, but apparently she didn't need it because her dress is already on and her makeup is already done. Of course, she looks beautiful; her dress fits her absolutely perfectly, the silk fabric laying beautifully on her hips, and the color compliments her skin tone so that she looks like a pretty little porcelain doll...but fuck her. "Hey, Y/n would you mind just coming out to do a run through of the walk?" Your mom asks, popping her head into the suite. You nod, standing up and dusting the setting powder off of yourself, all bridesmaids in tow, though at the last second before entering the ballroom, Lisa says, "I'll meet everyone in a few minutes, I just have to run to the restroom really quickly," to which no one responds of even gives a flying fuck about. Because again, fuck her.

You'd practiced the entrance yesterday with everyone except Jungkook who, of course, was in meetings all day as he had been all week. You're surprised he's even found time to marry you today. Right now, he and his groomsmen are all in another part of the hotel getting ready; you're only practicing with the bridesmaids. You all run through it about three times and then head back to the suite to wrap up getting ready. One by one, all your bridesmaids slip on their dresses and jewelry and head to the next room over to start recording their video diaries for when you put the wedding video together. You're the only one who has yet to put on your dress. You needed the moment to be private; a second to gather your thoughts. You close the door to the suite and then slowly walk over to the garment bag. "This is it..."

You take off your tracksuit and lay it neatly on a nearby chair, leaving yourself in only your pretty, white, lacey bra and delicate silk, white panties with a small bow at the front. B/f/n had insisted you wear them so you could feel beautiful through and through- you initially thought it was an unnecessary detail, though as she is about most things, B/f/n was absolutely right- you do feel beautiful. You gingerly pull down the zipper of the garment bag, revealing the big white gown. Just as beautiful as you remember it from the fitting. You take it off of the hanger and walk over to one of the mirrors leaned against the wall. You step into the gown and pull it up- of course, you'll need help lacing it in but you just want an intimate moment to look at yourself. You press it against your chest and look up at your reflection-

and then the blood drains from your face.

You feel your hands get stiff and ice cold, and you feel that familiar tightness in your chest.

The panic attack that could not come to fruition this morning has now returned with a vengeance, and you are doubled over, sturggling for oxygen.

Cuts. Cuts everywhere. All over the skirt of the dress. Deep, angry slashes. How did I not see them before? How did I miss them? Were they there when I got to the hotel after the fitting? No, it couldn't be- B/f/n put it in the trunk and then hung it up at our hotel room... when did this happen?

Tears stream down your face as you slump forward in the chair. It's drafty in this suite but you can't bring yourself to put the tracksuit back on, or even to move at all beyond the violent jerking of your shoulders with every sob. "Y/n, Y/n, are you okay!?" B/f/n runs over to you, having just finished her recording, "What happened!?" You can't even speak, you just point to the mound of fabric on the floor that once was your dress...that once was the dress. She picks it up off the ground and holds it up, her mouth immediately falling open in disbelief. She's just as confused as you are. "What- how even- This dress was in perfect condition when I brought it here. I checked," She says angrily, trying to rack her brain just like you had only moments ago. Your crying intensifies, a strong feeling of defeat washing over you.

"Oh, Y/n," Her face softens and she hugs you tightly. "I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do. That was the dress. That was the last shred of hope I had for this God-forsaken marriage. Now what? I have no dress, I haven't seen Jungkook once since I've been back. I have nothing left in me to give..." She lets you cry into her chest for a moment before pulling away, "Okay, we have a little less than an hour before the ceremony. Let me see what we can do." She runs out of the room and then you're alone again. Completely and utterly alone...

About fifteen minutes go by and not a single person has entered the suite. You assume they're all trying to figure out what happened and how to help. Your cries have quieted down a bit but still have not ceased. You feel broken and you're tired of fighting it.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

You're snapped out of your thoughts, head lifting up and looking toward the door, "Come in," You say, your wavering voice just loud enough to be heard from the other side. The door opens slowly, and you expect to see B/f/n or maybe your mom, but instead, Jungkook walks in, his expression soft and solemn as he closes the door behind him.

"Hey, Y/n."

A/N: Hope you all liked it! Plz comment and DM for suggestions on what you'd like to see happen next in the story; you might inspire me <3

Also, I am so honored that ppl would want me to tag them in the next part. To know anyone likes this series enough to keep up with it is so heartwarming. So, with that being said:

@ttanniett <3

[sapphosewrites]

top 10 ds9 fan fics you've written, ranked?

Oooh, tough question, friend! I don't even know what the criteria for this would be, because the most AO3 popular ones are not always my favorites... Okay, you know what, here we go. I'm just going to go for it and make some decisions. I'm giving myself a rule, though, that I can only chose one from a series, so I'm not just listing everything in the Terok Nor AU. I'll also try to hit different kinds of fics I've written.

10.) After the End of the World: A Survey of Seminal Works of Cardassian Post-Apocalyptic Literature from cross-posted to tumblr. 533 words, "An examination of the Cardassian post-apocalyptic literary genre before and after the Dominion War." This isn't my most popular or my best written but it's one of my favorites; I like in-world diegetic texts and worldbuilding and I'm obsessed with the idea of post-canon Cardassia as post-apocalypse.

9.) Never Have I Ever from The Game Is Afoot, 1,294 words, T, "Julian introduces Garak to the human game never have I ever." This was fun to write and is fun to reread every time! I often spend a lot of fic space on angst and identity and all the reasons why it's a bad idea for Julian and Garak to get together, but in this one we just get to spend time seeing them be clever and enjoy each other's company.

8.) Tribbles, Togetherness, and the Great River, 1,742 words, G, "In their shared quarters, Nog and Jake discuss tribbles, pets, and telling their families about their relationship." This is my only full standalone Jake/Nog fic, and it's another that was a pleasure to write and still makes me smile. It's fun to spend a sweet moment with two young people figuring out how they fit together.

7.) Del Floria's Tailor Shop, 336 words, also known as the space tumblr one. I think this is possibly the funniest thing I've ever written.

6.) Push Me Til I Break, 4,653 words, M, also known as the one where Garak interrogates Julian, and the role play goes wrong. Maybe the most tense thing I've ever written, and really leans into the ways in which two deeply hurting people can choose to hurt or hold.

5.) Growth, 45,843 words, T, "Julian and Garak grapple with their pasts and their feelings for each other at the end of the series." My super long post-canon Cardassia fic, back when I had no idea how to string a multi-chapter idea together. There's a lot I would change if I wrote this now (I've grown as a writer in many ways, including my ability to have scene transitions), but some of the conversations and moments in here are still absolute favorites of mine, particularly around ideas of self-forgiveness, the clash between values and actions, and the importance of choice.

4.) Predetermination, 22,200 words, T, Mirror Bashir arrives at the station and suddenly the nature/nurture debate has never had higher stakes. This is one of the places I think I've been most successful in using sci fi to ask big questions that hopefully resonate in the modern day, about who we are and how we become. Also, the ending takes inspiration from one of my favorite TNG episodes, and that was cool too.

3.) Especially the Lies, 13,019 words, T, "Something is going on with Garak, and no one knows what, except for possibly Julian Bashir." This is my only archive-warning-applied fic and it was really important to me to tell a story about care, for a character who I think doesn't believe he's allowed to have any, in a real world circumstance that too often people have to go through alone.

2.) Necessary Storms, 15,149 words, T, Julian and Starfleet Spouse Garak get entangled in Trill politics. I feel like this is one of the things I've written that most feels like it could be an episode of Star Trek, and is also a fairly unsubtle (though initially unintentional) way to explore populism, demagoguery, resource distribution, and revolt at a very particular moment in national politics with the aesthetic distance that sci fi offers.

1.) Old Friends: An Enigma Tale from Terok Nor AU. I'm exceedingly proud of this whole series, which started as just "what can I do with the idea of dabo boy Julian" and has turned into a sweeping journey covering how Terok Nor becomes Deep Space 9. This most recent installment is perhaps not indicative of the series as a whole, but it was a lot of fun to write and is also a dip into my other favorite genre aside from sci fi (murder mystery).

[cassyapper]

also i had a dream a while ago that basically gave me the whole plot so on the side of the side i have been developing this like. magical girl adjacent story that's like. okay so

there are these 17 year old catholic girls and they think they exemplify the seven heavenly virtues, like they think that's where their power is drawing from. they go to an all-girls catholic school in their daily lives. but by night they go around fighting demons that manifest in the world. it's a woman only club because something about eve being the one to bite the apple first and all that

but the twist is that they do not actually exemplify the seven heavenly virtues. they actually exemplify the seven deadly sins. they get their power from the desire that can lead to virtue OR to sin. and the way theyre utilizing their power makes them representative of sin, not virtue. this leads to a fun mix and match up cause of how they think theyre the virtues instead. so like:

sloth thinks she is humility. "why do something if im not important enough to change something" she thinks she is jsut being self aware of her importance (and lack thereof). really she doesnt have a spine or give a damn

pride thinks she is justice because she mistakes her liking of attention and praise as not her main motivation for the things she does but just a nice side effect. she likes it when people praise her. she does things for the reaction

wrath thinks she is diligence (chasing after people needlessly jsut to scratch her itch for vengeance but she thinks it's jsut her doing her due diligence)

lust thinks she is generosity (she knows she's desired by people (platonically or otherwise) so she thinks she's doing a kindness by jumping around between who she puts all her time and attention and affection on, then leaving suddenly. she doesnt have a good conception that a real friendhsip is based on time and she's not self aware enough to know she jsut enjoys the attention not the people in of themselves)

i'm still working on envy/greed/gluttony but currently i have it that envy thinks she is like chastity (shes like well of course i WANT what you all have but im being virtuous hy not having it. but pointing out you do. is all. you should be the one to feel bad tbh), green thinks she is patience (like "oh i'm just saving everything... you know, for later." but later never comes), and gluttony thinks she is hope/faith (help teach others to have hope by. controlling what they get. only those with hope get rewarded more with their faith. right)

as for the actual plot it kicks off with the previous wrath/diligence being killed cause she got too impulsive and failed to retreat when necessary so she is killed by the demon they were facing. she does kill it in turn but yknow. she also still dies. so there's a hole on the team now. they need all hands on deck though because it is ash wednesday, the beginning of lent. lent is the most dangerous time, it's when demons leak in from eveeryyywhere cause the risk of temptation is so much higher

so they need a replacement and fast. so pride/justice goes looking for a new wrath. she knows she's endangering another girl by doing it but she doesnt care because wants to keep feeling important like being a magical girl gives her, so she'll do it. however to cope with the fact she knows it's dangerous she decides to recruit and "save" this girl that's around her age that works aprt time at a corner store. cornerstore clerk girl smokes cigarettes and dyes her hair and isn't religious so pride/justice, in addition to just wanting to continue feeling important, chooses her because she wants to justify her attraction to her. because yeah. pride/justice may or may not have a crush on. oh the yuri is toxic in this one

the other girls dont have a runnerup so they agree with pride/justice's choice (especially because she's so damn haughty about it) and they begin to try and get corner store girl to go along with them. yeah it's a pretty unsubtle metaphor for evangelism.

the procedure in getting this new wrath to accept her role is what makes the girls realize though. like its never immediate when someone says yes to a holy mission anyway, but especially for a non catholic girl it’s crazy like corner store girl is not interested. but they keep insisting and they keep getting more and more manipulative in their respective sins to do it.

they think shes turning monstrous with how angry shes getting but then they realize theyre the ones changing shape and yeah. the judas and jesus imagery between pride/justice and cornerstore is gonna go crazy but you wont know which is which until pride/justice kisses cornerstore to convince her to come to "one last meeting" (for those who don't know kissing jesus is how judas signaled to the romans he was the one they wanted)

anyway im still deciding what exactly happens at that "last meeting" but the girls kinda force cornerstore down and try to forcefully convert her and from here we have two outcomes:

instead of becoming a magical girl, their meddling makes cornerstore demonic and she turns into a monster and they have to fight her. they dont kill her buttt yeah. the fact they could turn her into a demon makes them realize err. um. we are demonic in nature. uh oh

Only the girls become demons/monstrous and cornerstore is the one who has to fight them. and despite not using the lord one way or another she beats them

they All turn into monsters and fight. learning toward this option but we'll see

however it goes though, ^ this is all in a cathedral. suuuper dramatic and stuff

despite everything they all live i think because redemption is important to me and its not the main girls’ faults they were groomed into this, especially because they are so young still (this is the only reason i have them as schoolgirls in fact). in the end it's a commentary on the indoctrination of the church and allthat so

buuut yeah. thinkign about it all. #awesome

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Motherlode

And here I find myself again, circling back to the same basic thoughts about this arc that really only stretched itself out to about double what I and most others predicted. You get my angle right? While the world's watching, while the fandom's watching someone not named Nico Robin give a little nuggie of Void Century lore...200 chapters after Bakura Town, 100 after Kiku's fall, in a chapter after one with a folk lore allusion title. Stussy breaks the seal. Speaking more or less the same trauma. It's even the same central idea of Wano; ensuring the Straw Hat's escape was Stella's final command. It all runs on that old school Japanese take on ideal feminity; "A woman's happiness is taking care of those she loves." Self-sacrifice to repay kindness towards you.

Bonney has so much to compare and contrast, you're a solid candidate for someone who could kinda fuse Kiku & Yamato, but Stussy? You're our Tamataebako buddy with the same eyes. A trans woman and a clone, can't say it isn't relatable and they both have a demonic facade without an ounce of action girl tomboy tropes. Stussy can nab that torch now just like Bonney could have. But you still exist in that space. Why are we doing you now, after the others? We still have cards unplayed from Wano. When their theme is subtlety one should expect waiting until the final phase.

This chapter gives me a lot that has me excited.

We have a whole theme this chapter of people responding again and doubling down on the idea these different faces we know are reacting differently to Vegapunk's speech. Things different fans are reacting to. Wano the Joyboy lore, Carrot the weaponry, but it's one of those simple tricks that fuel a big deception. None of it is really that much deeper than clarifying what we as readers sorta knew. Of course, for Wano...it isn't the full group but we see a group. It'd make perfect sense for Kiku to be smiling and holding a tray with the implication she brought the dango, she could appear any example of this cover serial...but this is how you have to look at things when strategic absence is an established motif. Oh, and I guess Shino just got to stay youthful. Rock on mature woman, enjoy it.

The world is merely learning more or less what we know. The real story is still playing out. Stussy, the escape, this time we aren't breaking away. It's almost like a good rap track where the first two verses are smooth and melodic leading into a rapid-fire third verse to really hammer the message. I think we'll stick with that as the message unfolds. But this arc has just enough gas it's the opening act not the final point in and of itself. What makes me feel confident this time? Glad you asked:

Nojiko caring more about the farm bolsters this and her alone would have me freaking the fuck out but...bruh. Miss Goldenweek? Goldie!? Marianne and her hilarious in hindsight apple hat? Peep the suitcase, they're leaving to find Cross Guild. But yeah! Miss Friggin Goldenweek and Nojiko have an interesting response to this worldwide message. I love it too. They don't really seem to care much. Nami's big sister and a mellow girl that was one of Luffy's most vexing opponents. She got a cover serial, this little lady was always an oddball waiting to surprise us. For now though this is dope. Don't let her demeanor fool you, she was clearly a top agent for a reason and the reasons really aren't that different than the archetype I see out of Kiku.

What specifically does it though is how she's paired with the reaction focusing on the common people killed as collateral damage. Now let's take it altogether. Because something else going on under the message brings us back to where this felt most powerful:

Uh-oh. The big cloud layer is under attack. The Elbaf ship is getting surrounded. What if they weren't enough? For all the talk about other stuff that could happen if the Giants are the penultimate surprise addition...is it just gonna be the Grand Fleet after all? They make so much sense big picture. Robonosuke is still hanging around at the edge of all this too. Because things are getting dire on Egghead underneath the lore dump.

All in all...I love this shit right now because it's exactly what I've been on about since Wano ended. Wall to wall this chapter. 1115 is a straight banger.

[loopy777]

So I've read 'The Reckoning of Roku'

This isn't a real review, just my impressions and reactions. No spoilers.

I'll start by admitting that to me, Randy Ribay is no F.C. Yee. I vibe perfectly with Yee's stuff, to the point where he's on my "Read Anything They Write" list; I vibe with his genre choices, his dialogue, his characters, his scope, his storytelling, etc. By contrast, Ribay's writing is functional for me, but nothing more, and feels bit more narrow. There are a few instances, even, where I think he made some amateurish wording choices, but most people probably wouldn't be bothered by it and that's likely me just being snobbish. What I'm leading up to is that I think the story is Fine, and I don't have the enthusiasm for it that I do for the earlier Avatar novels, but neither do I think it's bad.

Part of that ambivalence is our familiarity with Roku. Compared to Kyoshi and Yanchen, we know a lot more about him. We have an entire episode of AtLA devoted to his life story. This book finds a slot we haven't explored before, but I think I could summarize the feel of the story by describing the prologue: the book opens after Roku has learned he's the Avatar but before he says goodbye to Sozin, then skips the scene where said goodbye is said (since we saw it the cartoon and I guess there was no desire to novelize it), then resumes the next morning for their final public formal goodbye, all while trying to achieve the same feel and impact of the actual goodbye scene from the cartoon. Similarly, my impression is that the book covers a character arc for Roku which feels very much like what was covered in 'The Avatar & The Fire Lord,' presented as a kind of microcosm of that lifelong story, via events set shortly after he begins his Airbending training.

For all that, though, it fits poorly considering what we already know about Roku. These novels have been very free with retcons, especially when it comes to Avatar Kuruk, but I've been pretty tolerant of that since so little was known about those characters previously and they obviously weren't constructed to be protagonists of their own stories, just props to Aang's. But Roku was a bit more developed and got a whole episode devoted to his life story, so I feel like some things are revealed about him in this book that should definitely have been mentioned in 'The Avatar & The Fire Lord.' Likewise, what we see of Roku's Airbending training in the cartoon doesn't really fit with this story, and I feel like a hint about Sozin's father in the cartoon is interpreted in an awkward way here. None of it "breaks canon" or anything, but it sticks out as a poor fit.

But I'm sounding pretty negative so far. Let's talk about what I like in the book.

Young Gyatso is wonderful. 10/10 no notes, as the kids say.

Sozin is a real piece of work, as he should be.

Ta Min is a lot more interesting than I expected.

As I've noted in a lot of my talk of the AtLA comics and the other Avatar novels, I'm usually very down on forced references to random stuff in AtLA/Lok, and especially needless explanations for elements of those stories which would be better just as something random. However, there's something in this novel that's both a forced reference and a needless explanation, and I thought it was hilarious and wonderful. So good on Ribay for making that work for me. I'm still grinning about it.

The plot is more straightforward than the previous novels, but still creates tension and mystery. It also has a few beats that feel rather mythical, which I always enjoy. And I think it does a great job creating a balanced set of stakes, where things feel urgent and important without leaning on the old Fate Of The World too much.

The story feels complete while also having some very clear paths for the sequel to follow.

So, overall, I think the Avatar novels continue to outshine the comics, even if I don't want to kiss this book.