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neonscandal · 2 months ago

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"Eat This!" or Akane Makes Good on a Threat

Genre: Comedy

Tags: Akane & Ranma, RanAka, Akane Tendo has had enough, Akane comes out on top

Chapter Word Count: 2,222

Status: Completed

A/N: Helps if you read the manga or saw the original run! Am I cleaning up fics I may have written 20 years ago because there’s a new Ranma 1/2? Yea, maybe. But mainly because the internet told me to. Disclaimer, I was 13 ✨

Summary: What began as a nice lunch for her fiancé snowballed into taking drastic measures just to force him to eat her concoctions. How will Akane get Ranma to ever eat her cooking?

The Tendo home was known for the volatility of its inhabitants. Legends of their strength paled only against the rumors of their property damage. Screams and crashes were a regular occurence. Not to be outdone by their houseguests, there were also tales of something much more harrowing surrounding the youngest daughter and heir to the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts.

"Just a little bit more kelp and your lunch should be finished, Ranma!" Akane grinned as her fiance naively entered the kitchen.

Caught off guard by the sudden threat to his well being, a large sweat drop beaded on the back of his head. "Oh... Akane... you didn't have to. Really! I'll be fine eating what the rest of the family is eating," Ranma laughed nervously. From out of nowhere, a wooden sign cut through the air and dug itself into the wall in front of the pig-tailed martial artist. Recognizing it as one of his meddling father's, his eye twitched agitatedly at the message, "Eat it like a man... so we don't have to!"

"Really, it was no trouble and I think this won't make you sick! I've been working really hard and Kasumi's been giving me lessons. Just wait! You'll see, it's great!" Akane beamed earnestly, her eyes shining expectantly.

Looking at that face, Ranma's resolve softened, wanting to believe there was a possibility that the meal would be edible. However, the unrecognizable stains on her apron coupled with past experience shattered his delusion immediately. He tiptoed over to the stove where Akane had been slaving all day and chanced a peek into the pot. The putrid smell of over boiled kelp was an affront to his senses and, while Ranma couldn't place exactly what was stewing, he could only imagine what liberties Akane had taken with the traditional recipe. "There's just a... rainbow of flavor in that pot, isn't there?" he asked, easing away.

Akane's gleeful face fell immediately, her tone flattening in turn. "Well, gee, Ranma. Do you always say what's on your mind or is this just my lucky day?" Akane bared her gritted teeth as she held the ladle threateningly.

Ranma could already feel the familiar sensation of a knot forming as he waited fo the ladle to come crashing down on his head. After a moment's pause, he threw his gaze at the short-tempered girl to find her scooping a helping of the mystery meal.

"Just... try it," Akane sighed, offering the ladle expectantly. "Please?"

He could feel every pair of eyes of the Tendo family and his father's boring holes into his back as they mentally urged him to eat the concoction. Compelled by the pressure and the defeated look on Akane's face, he apprehensively leaned toward the utensil, a grimace carved into his face. With his eyes making a final, wavering connection with Akane's, he resigned to feel the warm substance slide down his throat.

There was a collective pause of suspense where Genma and the Tendo's waited for some indication that the food was palatable.

"What? Too spicy?" Akane questioned frantically as a fat tear rolled down Ranma's stony face.

"Um... no. I always cry when I eat curry udon," he blanched, still trying to catch his breath from what he'd just swallowed.

Akane's weight shifted onto her right foot disappointedly. "It's miso soup.." she murmured.

"Well, the upside is: this is the longest I've stood after eating your cooking," Ranma smiled weakly, still calculating whether poison control or Dr. Tofu would be a faster solution.

Crash.

"Did I say something wrong?" Ranma inquired before collapsing to the floor beneath the weight of Akane's ladle.

"No.. nothing out of the ordinary anyways.." Nabiki sighed shaking her head.

The next day, smoke billowed out of the Tendo kitchen in thick, menacing tendrils of grey vapor as a stew set to simmer bubbled in its pot. Akane stood over the brew, triumphantly wiping her hands on her stained apron. "Ranmaaaaa!" she sang as she held a steaming bowl of egg drop soup in shaky hands. She calmly made her way to the dining room table where the Tendo's and Saotome's sat enjoying dinner as reliably prepared by Kasumi.

Ranma gulped audibly, his chopsticks threatening to snap as his grip on them tightened in apprehension. "I think I'd uh... prefer to, you know... just eat Kasumi's tempura." Ranma stuttered anxiously. "And live..." he unconsciously added.

Akane's eye jerked viciously as she chucked the bowl at Ranma's head. Not only did she succeed in making a direct hit, but the contents spilled over his stunned form as the others looked on, shocked. Her shoulders tensed as stalked back up to her bedroom without eating supper.

"That is the LAST time he will EVER say anything like that about my cooking! He will eat my cooking, one way or another!" she vowed through gritted teeth, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

A week passed since Akane’s grand proclamation but she was no closer to figuring out how to carry out her plans. It wasn't until that afternoon at lunch that she got her first big break thanks to the typically unassuming Kasumi.

"Oh, Nabiki, honestly. Just try some of the shiitake mushrooms. You're a big girl now, you must eat what is served." Kasumi chided motherly.

"Kasumi, you know I don't like mushrooms. I don't understand why you insist on me eating them," Nabiki drawled as she pushed food around on her plate.

"How would you know? You haven't tried them yet and, besides, I've been slipping them into the sukiyaki for months now and you liked them well enough,” Kasumi stated matter of factly as she continued bustling about the table with dishes to complete the spread.

"No you haven't, I would have noti-" Nabiki paused in mid sentence. It was true, she had been eating mushrooms all along and Kasumi, in her innocent wiles, had seduced her into ingesting the very food she loathed yet she hadn't noticed at all. She rather enjoyed it. While Kasumi’s admission didn’t hold a tinge of ill will, the shared discomfort in recognizing her cunning caused everyone around the table to exchange wary glances.

"Anyway, boy, there's this training ground in Kyoto I want to take you to. It could be a little risky but I'm willing to sacrifice your wellbeing to teach you to be the man among men I promised my young wife some sixteen years ago..." Genma recalled, a nostalgic tear tracing down his aged face.

A swift kick from Ranma grounded Genma's wandering mind. "After Jusenkyo and that whole Cat-fu business, I'd think you would have learned by now that your ideas end in me gettin' into trouble!" Ranma growled, his teeth bared.

“Ranma, you listen to your father, I know best!” Genma advised as he wrestled Ranma into an awkward but forceful headlock. “I mean, look at the martial artist I’ve grown to be!”

Ranma begrudgingly struggled in his father’s arms. As his opponent reared his head back in an audacious guffaw, Ranma saw an opening and exploited it mercilessly. Before Genma could fathom his loss, he was sailing through the sky in an arc toward the koi pond and the meal had commenced. “You can’t make me go so suck on that, old man!”

“Wait a minute, I got it!” Akane’s eyed widened with her sudden inspiration. So as not to show her hand, she began slowly picking at the food before her, an imperceptible smile pulling at her features.

Akane was not the mastermind that Nabiki was nor was she the homemaker Kasumi was. Akane only really knew how to approach a situation exactly as she was, headstrong and with brute strength. But if she’d learned anything, it was that sometimes the best strategy is maintaining the element of surprise and in a manner her opponent may never see coming.

“I guess the only way I can get him to eat is to beat him in a fight. But, how? It pains me to admit it but I couldn’t possibly beat Ranma. The first time we met he crushed me and he’s only gotten better. I mean, he knows so many new and… unconventional techniques. There’s got to be another way…” Akane mused, sprawled across her bed.

“Oh no, she’s at it again. It’s been weeks. And that’s the third dish she’s dropped this morning,” Nabiki sighed nonchalantly flipping through her magazine on the couch.

Kasumi sat with the shadow of a grimace on her face as another plate went crashing to the ground. Her knuckles had become white from where she’d been wringing her apron on the couch resigning not to helicopter around Akane in the kitchen.

“Pops, do you think we could go on that training trip now?” Ranma groaned as the thought of trying another one of Akane’s dishes or getting hit with one set in.

“Nope, too late.” Panda!Genma stuck up his nose as he flashed Ranma a sign, crossing his arms.

Grunts of frustration and anger sounded from the kitchen, a chorus that had become common whenever Akane cooked lately. After one particularly loud, shuddering shriek, the family decided to sneak out to escape experiencing whatever she’d been pouring her emotions into.

Steam sifted through the house as another cry was accompanied with the clanking of pots and pans. Finally, Akane emerged from the ravaged kitchen, unscathed and glistening. Sweat made the fabrics of her clothes hang heavy from her body, fatigue settled into every muscle. She lurched to her bedroom to retrieve her toiletries before retiring to the bath to soak her unseen injuries. She had hell to clean up before everyone returned home but it was ready. She was ready. She was finally ready for Ranma Saotome to eat his words.

The next day, the air around the house seemed charged. While no one wanted to address the elephant in the room regarding Akane’s recent culinary experiments, Kasumi was never one to properly read the room. “Akane, I see you’ve prepared another dish for Ranma to sample, ne?” she asked gently as Akane emerged from the kitchen.

“Kasumi!” Ranma groused enunciating every syllable in exasperation. Having continuously refused to eat anything Akane prepared and the whole family evacuating the night before, Ranma estimated Akane’s Uncute Barometer was close to blowing and Kasumi had just signed his death warrant.

“No, I actually made this for myself,” Akane sneered at Ranma flippantly as she took her usual seat beside him. “There can be no slip ups tonight…” she reminded herself as dinner was initiated and the Saotome’s began to engorge themselves. The dish she had prepared was edible, she was positive. After all, she had been practicing and she’d never eat something she wasn’t sure of. However, cooking wasn’t the only thing she had been practicing.

She had finally figured out the only technique to assist in defeating Ranma. The very technique that would bring him down for sure. The realization may have been quick but she had been practicing the technique for weeks now and she finally felt it was time to put her plan into action. With crinkled eyes and upturned lips, she absently picked at her own creation of stuffed squid. She acknowledged the fact that it wasn’t Kasumi’s cooking but it was adequate for her needs. She slowly began increasing the speed at which she picked up her food and waited until the heat of dinner, where Genma and Ranma fought over toppings, before she pushed herself to the max. Everyone was too enthralled in the daily fight for food that one one noticed Akane’s plate clearing up faster than even Genma’s.

“Kasumi, I gotta tell ya, I dunno what you’ve been doing differently but tonight was delicious!” Ranma yawned rubbing his stomach, a satisfied grin on his face.

“Why… thank you, Ranma,” Kasumi smiled demurely.

“Man, I’m stuffed! I gotta go lay down..” he yawned.

Genma glared at him calculatingly and demanded suddenly, “Ranma, my boy, have you been practicing? I’ve not come close to filling up..”

“Yes, I noticed that I got half of what I normally scrape up for dinner, Ranma. I commend you on your enthusiasm of the art but ask that, next time, you think of the rest of us,” Soun chimed in.

“Well, I haven’t been practicing or doin’ anything different..” Ranma scratched his head lamely.

“That’s impossible, your speed has almost doubled, Ranma. Don’t hold out on us, boy, what have you been doing?” Genma interrogated as he and Soun began a menacing advance.

“No-nothing! I-I swear!” Ranma protested. His recent splurge made his movements sluggish which made him easy prey. The realization made his eyes widen in fear.

Nabiki stood up to get a closer look at the inevitable fight while Kasumi put her hands up to her mouth. “Please, not in the house!” she cried.

Akane sat at the dining room table, hands folded neatly in her lap with a weak but gleeful smile on her face. “All it takes is a few more dinners of me sneaking my cooking in with Kasumi’s and he’ll be ready for a full dish in no time.” she pondered deliriously as the effects of her training slowly began to take its toll. “But curse the effects of the Parlay Du Foie Gras…”

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