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mermaidsirennikita · 7 years

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February 2018 Book Roundup

I’d that this was a pretty diverse month for me in terms of reading. Sure, there was plenty of my traditional fantasy in there, but I also went through a biography, some contemporary YA, a historical fiction novel about Eleanor Roosevelt, alt-history, and some very silly (but very enjoyable) contemporary romance. My favorite book of the month was probably Purple Hearts, the conclusion of Michael Grant’s Front Lines trilogy--but I’d be lying if I said that one of those romance novels didn’t rival it. Unfortunately, my least favorite book was that aforementioned Eleanor Roosevelt book. But hey, I tried it.

Purple Hearts by Michael Grant. 4/5. The final book in Grant’s Front Lines/Soldier Girls trilogy, Purple Hearts sees Silver Star recipients Rio, Rainy, and Frangie return to the European front in World War II. Rio is battle-hardened and growing increasingly fearful--not of what she faces at war, but how she, a girl very good at soldiering, will adjust to life afterwards. Rainy is undercover and subjected to horrors that have a deeply personal ring as she deals with the guilt of surviving, killing, and becoming even colder than she already was. Frangie is struggling with her faith, saving many as a medic but losing more--in ways that she wouldn’t have imagined. This series--a take on World War II with the premise that girls were allowed to enlist and be drafted in America--really was way better and far more realistic than it had a right to be. There were clumsy moments, largely because Grant is (I assume) a guy trying to be as inclusive as possible. But you know--even when certain scenes came off as a bit awkward, I appreciated the diversity. And the fact is that you have different reasons to bond with each of our leads, and the people they care about. I’ll always have a soft spot for Rio most of all, because she embodies that “naive innocent turned into a battle-hardened killer” character type I love so much. But Frangie goes through so fucking much in this book (they all do, but Frangie seemed like such an optimist at first) and even Rainy, the heroine I had the most difficulty connecting with, finally opens up and becomes a fully-realized character. “Purple Hearts” struck me as the most brutal book in the trilogy, and there are a lot of horrific scenes throughout. But it was ultimately very satisfying, and a great end to the series.

Empress of the East by Leslie Peirce. 4/5. Hurrem Sultan, also known as Roxelana, was the first woman in centuries to legally wed an Ottoman sultan, thus becoming an essential empress. However, like any concubine, she began life as a slave before catching the eye of Suleyman the Magnificent and beginning one of history’s greatest love affairs--that would result in six children and a fundamental change in Ottoman politics. Peirce has to make a lot of assumptions when writing this book--little is known about Hurrem, referred to by the name Roxelana in this biography. But she sticks to accuracy whenever possible, and none of her assumptions are all that out there to me. I’d call this more popular than academic history, but if you’re looking to get into the history of Hurrem and the Ottoman Empire, I think it’s a great start.

Shadowsong by S. Jae-Jones. 4/5. Six months after leaving her husband, the Goblin King, behind in the Underground, Liesl is attempting to make something out of her life. Yet her brother Josef, a gifted musician, hasn’t responded to any of her letters and she finds herself unable to compose. After receiving a proposal from a mysterious benefactor, Liesl goes to further her career in Vienna, only to realize that the boundaries between our world and the Goblin King’s are deteriorating at an alarming rate, and something is seriously wrong with her brother. Liesl must return to the Underground to figure out what’s going on--but can she do so without losing her sanity? This book... is a lot. It’s beautifully written, incredibly dark at points, and takes a pretty bold turn. Liesl’s story in “Wintersong” was really of self-discovery and sexual awakening, whereas here the story revolves--fairy stuff aside--around her mental condition and her relationship with Josef. Along with a bit of Goblin King backstory for good measure. And for the most part, I’d say it’s successful. Yes, there were points where I was like “honestly Liesl should probably do something rather than thinking about how bad shit is” but... “Wintersong” wasn’t a very plot-driven book either, so I can’t say that I felt that plot was meant to be a priority in the sequel. It’s all sort of delightfully eerie and morally ambiguous, holdovers from “Wintersong”. But it was missing the Goblin King. Again, I feel that this book was very ambitious and super interesting and enjoyable, but it was missing something that made me absolutely adore “Wintersong”. And I’m not ashamed to admit that that something was the Goblin King and all the emo sex he had with Liesl. There were definitely points where I almost felt like Jones was trying to push back against the fact that most of the praise surrounding “Wintersong” was around how hot her male “hero” (................ ish) was, but I’ve got to say that that story did seem a bit more effortless to read. Basically, I wouldn’t change the plot of “Shadowsong”, I think it’s a really good book and followup, but I would add more Goblin King and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Still, I really loved it and was overall satisfied with the book.

Immortal Reign by Morgan Rhodes. 4/5. I’m not going to bother on a summary for this because it’s the conclusion to a 6 (?) book series that is all very convoluted. Essentially, Immortal Reign takes all of the characters we’ve followed and concludes their stories in the expected ways, and while I wouldn’t say that the Falling Kingdoms series is good, exactly... it does what it came here to do. It’s a very trope-y Game of Thrones for teens type thing with a feisty princess and a brooding dark prince at the center taking up the actual plot (which involves some elemental gods or whatever) with their arranged marriage angsty sexual tension shenanigans and honestly? It’s fun. All’s well that ends well.

Anatomy of a Scandal by Sarah Vaughan. 2/5. Sophie, a cossetted politician’s wife, is shocked when her husband James revealed that he had an affair with a young employee. James is charismatic and prominent, and though Sophie can believe that the affair happened, she doesn’t believe what comes next--the reveal that James allegedly raped the woman he was sleeping with. Kate, an experienced lawyer, is ready to prosecute James, completely convinced of his guilt. But which woman is right? I honestly debated doing one or two stars here, and I think I went with two because I get what the author is going for. But like... here’s the thing. We know which woman is right. We know from the start, especially after James’s perspective is introduced (side note: the way the POVs were handled seemed wonky). I’m all about the issue of rape being handled in fiction, especially when we’re talking about charismatic politicians. It’s very relevant. But the thing is that there is room for doubt in some cases; a very, very small amount, sure. However, there’s a reason why trials happen in rape cases. (Unfortunately, those trials often don’t end as they should, but that’s another issue.) There should have been doubt in a book that touted itself as a thriller, but all I got was preachiness and a “twist” that... did not... impress me. Kate’s perspective was incredibly holier than thou--so even though I agreed with her beliefs, I felt like I was being *told* how to feel rather than convinced through the story or writing. Like, obviously I should agree with everything Kate says. Obviously. Also, the writing just wasn’t great--slow and strange at times. The descriptions of people were weird. Like, way to take your novel about a feminist issue and describe the evil defense attorney in a way that is suggestive of her weight--she’s described as a “weighty” woman who “plumps” herself down. Which... whatever. Good idea, downright unintelligent and uninspired execution that probably would have been more interesting if we focused solely on Sophie’s point of view.

White Houses by Amy Bloom. 2/5. Lorena Hickock tells the story of her decades-long love affair with first lady Eleanor Roosevelt. Though American history has never been my jam, I was intrigued because the existence of Eleanor’s affair with “Hick” is debated to this day, despite a lot of evidence towards the fact that Eleanor was a) interested in women and b) in love with Hick, and vice versa. And this should have been so interesting. Not only is there the inherent interest factor of a first lady having an affair--and with another woman in the early twentieth century, at that--but Eleanor was a multi-dimensional, controversial woman married to a controversial man (who had plenty of affairs of his own). But Amy Bloom’s writing style and characterization of Hick (who had a horrific childhood that was handled... I don’t know, rather coldly, by the writing style) just sucked the life out of everything. I won’t say that there weren’t some pretty moments and I feel like the approach to depicting a long relationship was good, but this was too boring.

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann. 3/5. Alice has recently suffered yet another bad breakup--and the reason why her girlfriend dumped her is especially painful. Biromantic and asexual, Alice struggles to communicate to her partners how she feels, and how her romantic attraction to them doesn’t mean that she experiences sexual attraction. Right after proclaiming that she’s done with dating, Alice meets the handsome, kind Takumi, and is immediately head over heels. But does she dare tell him about her feelings--and her sexuality? This book was definitely hard for me to rate, because in all honesty... I didn’t really like it. I didn’t really hate it, either. It was fine. The representation is so important that I feel like I can’t not recommend it--Alice is black, biromantic, and asexual. That’s huge. I don’t know if the author is asexual or not--I know she’s black--so I can’t speak to how the book handles asexuality (another reason why I wasn’t sure how to rate it) but I did appreciate that race wasn’t ignored in the book. The thing is that while Takumi was very cute, much of the book felt more like a Tumblr spiel than a story. Alice has a right to have her feelings hurt by the fact that her girlfriend doesn’t want to be with her; but I also felt like the girlfriend was a bit demonized for wanting to feel sexually desired, and the fact is that... that’s okay. Alice’s friends seem to say the right things a bit too often, especially considering how little the average person knows about asexuality. Alice herself annoyed the shit out of me, for reasons that had nothing to do with her sexuality--she was just so fucking cutesy, and in all honesty I had a hard time believing that a girl her age thought the way she did. It also felt as if that fed into the perception of ace people as these fairy-like unicorn types who love all things soft and cute, which... I don’t know. Maybe an ace person would read this and say otherwise. I’m not ace, so I have no idea. Basically: good idea, not so sure about the execution, great rep. Important, but perhaps a little too After School Special for me.

The Girl in the Tower by Katherine Arden. 3/5. Following the events of The Bear and the Nightingale, Vasya is left with two choices: marry, or join a convent. Spirited--and still being mentored on some level by the frost demon Morozko--Vasya is quickly gains the esteem of the Prince of Moscow after a battle with bandits. But that leaves her disguising her gender, an d in more danger than ever before. I remember liking The Bear and the Nightingale--but I’m not sure that it left a huge impression on me, because I felt like I was going into this book blind. I remember the characters--it’s a big cast--but I wasn’t excited about anything but Vasya and Morozko. I don’t know, it all came off as a bit slow to me. Beautifully written and interesting, but slow. I plan on giving it another shot at some point.

From Lukov with Love by Mariana Zapata. 4/5. At twenty-six, Jasmine is past her prime as a figure skater, and her pairs partner’s abrupt departure has caused her to miss a season. She should be thrilled to be asked to partner last-minute with Ivan Lukov, the current world champion--but Ivan is also her best friend’s older brother, and her arch nemesis since she was a teenager. He’s arrogant and stuck-up; she’s got a chip on her shoulder. It’s a romance novel. We know what’s going to happen. But this was one of the most fun love/hate romance novels I’ve read in a while. Honestly, there’s nothing INCREDIBLY deep going on here--the stakes are relatively low, there aren’t any major obstacles or even a last minute shocking reveal~. Ivan and Jasmine really just need to stop being assholes to each other and fucking skate. Also, make out. But it’s such a fun book. Like, the writing is nothing spectacular--there’s some repetition and awkward descriptions--but the leads’ chemistry keeps it together and I pretty much wolfed the book down.

The Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata. 3/5. For two years, Vanessa has been the long-suffering personal, assistant of football star Aiden Graves, who acts as if she doesn’t exist. Fed up with being taken for granted, Vanessa quits--only to have Aiden show up on her doorstep, asking her to marry him. A Canadian, Aiden is in danger of having his visa expire, and the easiest way for him to stay in the U.S.--the only way he’ll accept--is through marriage, and Vanessa is the best potential (fake) wife. After Aiden promises to pay off her student loans and buy her a house, she agrees--but can she keep her real feelings at bay? Another cheesy but charming romance from Zapata, but this one I found a good bit less compelling. It was likable, sure, but I didn’t feel the chemistry between Aiden and Vanessa on the same level that I did Ivan and Jasmine’s in the above book. For that matter, while Aiden wasn’t as nasty to Vanessa as Ivan was to Jasmine--well, Jasmine dished it as well as she took it. Vanessa, on the other hand, was just a doormat as Aiden had her wash his sheets, cook for him, basically handle everything an adult should handle... while acting like she didn’t exist. It certainly diminished Aiden’s appeal, though I didn’t hate him. Again, it was fun, but not nearly as good as From Lukov with Love.

#books #recs #book roundup

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tennyo-elf · 7 years

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Mass Effect Trilogy Thoughts

I’m ten years late to the party (or 5 years depending on if you start at ME1 or ME3) but I finally finished the Mass Effect Trilogy, thanks to Dragon Age.

Here are my thoughts on the games, the ending, random bits, the romance, etc, etc...

After I played the trilogy I looked around tumblr and found that a lot of people thought the first game was clunky. I, for one, while I know there were kinks (especially regarding dialogue/romance options), loved the first game so much that it’s my favorite of the three games. I played Vanguard and once I got barrier I had so much fun just standing in the middle of fire blasting everything in sight. I hate shooter games because I suck at them, but ME1 allowed me to have fun. The unlimited ammo really was what got me, ‘cause I’m a terrible shot. Of course there was the whole heating thing for your weapon, but I rather have that than, “Oops, out of ammo!”

I didn’t like the battle system for ME2 and the whole working for Cerberus. The characters were pretty awesome, but it took me a bit to learn not to flirt since I wanted to be faithful to Kaidan (I play paragon, so I had to learn to stick to the middle options on the dialogue wheel). ME2 was pretty much my least favorite. I only wish I could have played with Legion more.

ME3 took the best of ME1 and ME2 and made a great game...up until the ending of course. But seriously, ME3 is great and really fun and I loved just going around doing my Biotic Charge/Nova combo. Yeah, let me just charge a Brute or a Banshee that could literally one shot me and then nova/shotgun/charge them to death before they can kill me. That, to me, is seriously fun! Biotic power ftw!

The ending though. That ending...back before I had even heard of Bioware and was vaguely familiar with the name Dragon Age (I had thought to purchase it back in 2009 but went “Nope, I probably won’t like it” - fuck, how wrong I was...) I heard about the notoriously bad ME3 ending. It was all over the place in my geek sphere. So before I played the trilogy I looked up the ending on the wiki and read about it in articles, and I knew I’d hate it. So, since I’m on PC, I looked up some mods. I never met the star child (or whatever) or had to make a choice and I’m grateful for that. (My Shep always survives because I’m a completionist and I always get all war assets thus my end score is well above what’s needed for everyone to survive.)

First I got the regular MEHEM, played the trilogy, and the ending, with this mod, didn’t feel right. It didn’t satisfy me at all. I needed to redo some things to get the ending I wanted (I accidentally killed Steve Cortez in my first pt, fuck that noise) so I played ME3 a second time and used a new ending mod called JAM. That pt went perfectly. The ending seriously made me happy, and if felt so right! The Extended Ending, plus JAM, plus the Leviathan DLC, allowed me to enjoy the trilogy with no tears (besides for Anderson, Thane, Mordin, and Legion). There was only ONE plot hole with this combo.

The catalyst obviously targeted Reaper technology (in this mod/DLC combo), but the Geth and EDI were integrated with Reaper code. So how did they survive? (You know they survived by the ending slides with the Geth and EDI calling for Shepard when the gang went looking for her.) So I have to head canon an extra side quest after Priority: Rannoch, where the Geth and EDI discuss looking for a firewall against the catalyst energies for their built in Reaper code. Maybe they get it from the Keepers on the Citadel or maybe they create one together. Of course there is worry about the Reapers getting hold of this firewall, blah blah blah, but they keep it on the hush and hush and it works out in the end. I had no issues with the destroy ending where the Citadel and the relays go boom, because it made sense to me, I only worried about EDI and the Geth. (I united the Geth with their Creators, I’m not letting them die!) So I head canon the side quest and they’re safe.

There is also the nightmares Shepard has about the boy. I also head canon that when she passes out after Anderson dies, she dreams again, and this time, instead of just standing and watching the boy catch fire, she saves him, she takes action, she stands up for herself and doesn’t let her guilt or fears or worries control her. She wakes with a start (and renewed energy/life) and then activates the Crucible/Catalyst. Perfect ending to me, yes, yes. (Watch here!)

As for the continuation of the series, after playing the trilogy I was disappointed that they didn’t continue the story post war with the reapers. I haven’t played Andromeda yet but I understand it’s in a different Galaxy with different problems and I think that was a missed opportunity on Bioware’s part to explore the other themes/consequences of the first trilogy. There is the dark matter/biotics/eezo/mass effect fields topic to explore as well as the fall out of Shepard’s decisions, such as the Krogan population surge, Geth/Qurian alliance, and the Leviathans. Leviathans indoctrination abilities are very concerning. And granted, Mass Effect 3 did hint that the Krogan and Geth Alliance weren’t a threat, it still wasn’t made certain. Personally I like to be able to have a game where you make sure the Krogans and rachni aren’t a threat based on in-game decisions from both the old and new trilogy. Also, I like the new hero to be able to formalize that the Geth/EDI/new AIs aren’t the threat they were made out to be and we can work together (for Destroy or even control ending, synthesis ending would have to focus on how it didn’t solve the real problems/took away freedom from people). Draw parallels from humans who are evil to AIs who go evil too. And everything leading up to the true threat of Leviathan’s trying to take over again and how the team work of species can over come their old oppressors. Just a trilogy about overcoming old thoughts/beliefs/etc. And it doesn’t have to take place immediately after the reaper war either. It could take place after Shepard’s death or when Shepard is very old and retired. I mean, you could make a game like that, it’d just take finesse because of the way they made ME3′s ending. It’d be tricky with the synthesis ending. but it could happen. A can of worms, yet I truly believe with the five years of development they had they could have written something that may piss off some, but ultimately be a continuation of the interesting galaxy/world the first trilogy created.

Okay, random thought here, but regarding the Asari, wouldn’t be it hard to keep their heads/back of their neck clean? So many places for junk to pile up, cleaning their heads must be a bitch.

Also, this game was annoying with the male gaze, eye candy thing going on. It was everywhere and it never, ever, didn’t annoy the hell out of me. Pulled me out of the story every time I saw it, that’s for sure. I Like Miranda, but with her catsuit you can even see her lips! And I’m not talking about her face lips either!)

Alright, so romances...I went in knowing I was going to romance either Garrus or Kaidan. I didn’t know these characters yet and I saw these two were romanced the most by female Shepards on tumblr, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong with either of them. Playing a paragon Shep, and getting to know Kaidan, the romance for them made sense to me (My Shep is a spacer/war hero). I was highly attracted to his character, morals, and principals. With Garrus, I can see how a renegade Shep would be all over the “fuck rules” bit but with my paragon, if felt more like a mentor/mentee relationship turn best friends type of deal than a romance. Garrus didn’t fit with my Shepard, Liabelle. I did watch a youtube vid of his romance though and he is cute af.

Of course, later, I find out everyone hates Kaidan for Horizon (or being too emotional/whiny...which felt silly to me tbh). I didn’t. Kaidan’s reaction on Horizon made sense for his character and it felt real. My Shep knew Kaidan would react like he did and while it hurt, she didn’t love him less for it. She fell for him for his principals, why would she be upset at Kaidan being Kaidan when it’s Kaidan she fell for? Hurts yes, frustrating yes, but in the end they found their way back to one another and if felt really good. Now I’m a shenko shipper through and through.

Also loyalty to a fault can be a bad thing, sometimes you need a friend who will call you out on your shit. That’s what Kaidan did/does (though he went a bit overboard with the betrayal line, but that’s him reeling and he apologized for it). So nah, I wasn’t mad or disinterested in Kaidan after Horizon or for the beginning of ME3. I liked his character development and him coming to realize he made a mistake. You can see throughout ME3, once he comes back, how he regrets it. Ugh, the well made angst mixed with the happiness of them being back together does things to me.

In the end, Garrus and kaidan were my squad, they were my boys. I think not having Kaidan in ME2 made my dislike for the game more intense because I didn’t have my boys together. I literally shouted “MY BOYS!!” at my screen while playing ME3 when I could pick Kaidan and Garrus for my team again. It probably helped that they balanced out my Vanguard really well.

As for romanced Kaidan head canons, I will say that while they were biotic rabbits between the sheets, they were still touch and go relationship wise for most of ME3. I don’t think they were at a place in their relationship for a real marriage proposal after they find her post destroy. They definitely need time to just be and I can see that happening during leave or working on the Normandy during non war times. My husband is in the military and I asked about what would happen if they were found out and the military does give people options, either break it off or marry. I figure by the time anyone finds out they’re already engaged. That just means postings, they wouldn’t be able to work together on the Normandy. I can’t figure this one out. A part of me sees Shep retiring, another can’t see her as anything but Captain of the Normandy. Kaidan could go back to teaching, and they could meet up on Earth every shore leave Shep has...but, gah, I still haven’t figured it out yet. I do like the idea of them retiring out by Kaidan’s family’s orchard, going camping, or traveling, having kids, etc.

Lastly, the only character I dislike is Kai Leng (too one dimensional and an ass, easy to hate). The rest I will hug if I could. And I was sad I couldn’t have a third squad mate. I’d probably pick Tali mostly with the occasionally Liara or Wrex thrown in with Kaidan and Garrus. Also I have a big soft spot for Samara. I also am weird in shipping Javik and Liara (I want them to have Asari babies!!!!...after writing their book ofc), but I think Joker and EDI are cute af and you can pry that ship from dead, cold hands. Ack, and Thane dying hurt but felt inevitable since he had a terminal illness. Mordin’s death felt a bit unnecessary, he needs to be studying seashells gdi!! ALSO WHY BIOWARE, WHY KILL LEGION, WHY!!! Oh, and Kasumi needs to be able to keep the gray box and move on...humph.

Alright, I may write a small fic for shenko but I might not, IDK yet. All I know is I miss Dragon Age like I’m missing my other heart, so I’m going back to it soon-ish. Will replay this wonderful sci-fi trilogy again though, sometime in the future just not right away. I’ll always prefer my Dragon Age games, but this ride was definitely worth it.

#mass effect #mass effect trilogy #me1 #me2 #me3 #my thoughts on the games #random bits #just things I needed to say #text post #there is shenko here #but no hate #just love #and some complaining #about other stuff #but mostly love #for the games and characters

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poeticandvaguelysweet · 7 years

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Prompt #192 - Charlie and the Proposal

So, as of today it’s been two years since I posted my first Charlie and Elliot fic. This is the 49th Charlie and Elliot story! I wanted to hit 50 but I’m lazy and who cares? But, thank you guys for enjoying them so much! Here’s the start of a story in their universe I surprisingly haven’t been asked to do yet.

AO3 - C&E Index

CHARLIE AND THE PROPOSAL

‘No, Mama.’ Charlie sighed with a small laugh, two-years-old and already thinking her mother silly. Claire just smiled, watching her daughter’s little hand reach for hers. She plucked the cat figurine out of her mother’s hand only to replace it with a child.

The sun was warm over their heads as a cool breeze whistled through the leaves in their yard. It was the perfect spring day, sunscreen thick across Charlie’s young cheeks. Claire had started her morning in the garden, still trying to nurture vegetables to life in a small plot she planted a little while after Charlie was born. They were, for her efforts, flourishing. It had ended when Charlie came back from her Saturday morning swimming lessons with Owen, child dragging out the box of her Little People toys only to dump them in the grass.

Owen followed behind her five minutes later with a hat for their daughter and bottle of sunscreen for the fair skinned women in his life. Happy that they were being sun smart, Owen left them to play claiming the house needed maintenance while he didn’t have two women bothering him. Claire only rolled her eyes, shifting her attention from the garden to Charlie’s toys.

When she picked up a black kitten, dancing the toy in her hands as she meowed once for Charlie’s amusement.

‘Which one can I play with?’ She asked her daughter, surveying the child’s large collection. When had she accumulated so much? Charlie was only two and yet she had more Little People than she could carry. The girl traded the kitten for another figure, this one human and feminine with blonde hair and a blue dress.

‘Its you, Mama!’ Charlie declared proudly. ‘You can have that one. No more.’ The girl shook her head, turning her back on Claire as she returned to the plastic zoo her father had bought for her birthday. The toy itself came with a few zoo like animals, a crocodile and monkeys but Charlie had now filled its tree boughs with kittens and ponies. Stretched a few inches across the yard sat a farmhouse that Owen had carried out with Charlie’s had and the rest of their sun protection. Charlie gleefully pushed all the buttons on her interactive boys, letting their spring mid-morning be filled with the electronic sound of barnyard animals and childlike giggles.

Claire turned back to weeding her garden, happy that Charlie was content touching a sheep to the button in the pigsty and squealing madly at her young sense of humour. She called to Claire occasionally, an easy ‘Mama, look,’ as she did it again, gaining affirmation at her silly mind for the sheep that made the toy oink.

This was what she wanted. When finally forced to sit down and daydream about the reality brewing in her belly. Claire dreamt of wistful weekends with an easy going toddler happy to do their own thing as Claire did hers, side by side. Charlie, who had exceeded their expectations in intelligence held her right to be a little bit of a nightmare. Claire considered that her fault, dimly blaming her mental state for their child’s ability to act out without a cue. She was unpredictable, temperamental and all around a rollercoaster ride. But, for the most part, she was Claire’s biggest joy. It took them two years to get to that place, Claire and Owen finding a balance between their individual lives and their joined one to meet together in order to provide the best they could for their daughter. They had it, finally, warmth filling their home alongside the smell of Owen’s cooking and baby shampoo; Charlie fresh from the bath.

She was independent. Something her parents both loved and feared in the two-year-old potentially growing up too quickly. It had its benefits. Charlie didn’t want to be coddled. She wanted to play in the proximity of her parents, knowing they were there to fill her needs but not necessarily invade on her headspace.

Owen was the one she wanted to interact with more. Owen was the one who was allowed to play her games. He had the pick of all Charlie’s little plastic figurines; human and not. Claire was designated a character, a story, a place in the world that wasn’t always present. Charlie was trying to control her, limiting her actions and abilities, testing the waters. Claire found that she didn’t mind. It struck a chord in her chest that the little girl felt a need to treat her differently, not as wholly trusting as she was with her father. She, to an extent, understood that she deserved that treatment.

‘Fix it?’ Charlie asked, sliding herself into Claire’s lap, awkwardly stepping over her mother’s arms, the woman bent towards her veggie patch. The toddler was holding another part of her surprisingly large collection. A fisherman’s boat, crustaceans were pressed into the plastic on the side making the toy more tactile than Claire had initially realised as Charlie’s little fingers pushed at the deck.

Claire could see the problem immediately. The deck of the boat flipped, allowing the surface to change themes of some kind but there was something lodged underneath it making it nearly impossible to flip the panel. Charlie nudged her small fingers in the way, blocking Claire’s view. She wanted to be impatient with the girl, eager to fix the problem but her heart was swelling with a pride that wouldn’t allow Claire to be angry. Charlie came to her for help. Owen was only inside and they both knew it. It would have taken nothing for Charlie to pick up her broken toy and run it in to her father. Instead, she squished her little body into her mother’s lap and asked quietly if she could fix the issue.

‘What did you get stuck in there, baby?’ Claire asked, tilting her head to see around Charlie’s cheek as the little girl shrugged. There was something stuck in the belly of the boat, preventing the panel from its usual 360-degree flip. Claire couldn’t place what it was, going off touch it was solid, fuzzy almost but definitely not a dead animal as she had feared upon first touch.

‘Treasure?’ Charlie responded, not quite sure as she held onto the body of the boat quite uselessly. Although puzzled, Claire couldn’t help but laugh at Charlie’s statement, kissing the girls temple in response.

Claire fiddled with the toy until a frustrated grunt made Charlie pull away from her. The little girl asked quietly if she should ask her daddy for help. Claire was quick to shake her head, promising her daughter she could fix the toy without Owen.

‘I need you go get the screwdriver from Daddy’s toolbox, do you think you can do that?’ Claire asked, watching as Charlie nodded. ‘We don’t need Daddy, just his screwdriver.’ She made sure to remind the girl, knowing that Owen would be out there and saving the world in under two minutes. Charlie nodded again, promising she understood as she pushed herself from Claire’s lap and ran inside.

She wasn’t hopeful that the little girl wouldn’t return without Owen. Waiting for Charlie to come back felt like a century, her hands still trying to squeeze the object out from underneath the panelling. It was jammed. There was no way she was getting that out without some aid. The screws on either end seemed to promise that the panel would just lift off if loosened. Claire prayed that was her answer.

‘Claire?’ It was Owen’s voice, masculine and concerned as he curled his body around the back door, Charlie slipping past his legs. ‘Any reason why she needs a screwdriver?’ He asked eyebrow raised as their daughter ran between them, tool raised above her head and wobbling with her steps.

‘Trying to fix something.’ She told him, waving the toy at shoulder height before announcing that she didn’t need help. He had offered. Claire was determined to do it herself. She waved him off and Owen disappeared back inside. ‘Shout if you need anything’ followed his departure.

Charlie sat with her legs spread out in front of her, blue eyes intensely watching her mother’s hands as Claire loosed one screw after the other until they had fallen into the palm of her hands. It took turning the boat upside down and a gentle shake for the panel to fall off, landing flat in the grass with the boat’s treasure. It was a small jewellery box, suede and red. Charlie tried to snatch it, no longer interested in her broken boat as Claire scooped the box into her hand before the child could reach it.

‘What is this?’ She turned to Charlie, palm open, showing the girl the item she found. Charlie only gave her wide eyes. ‘Where did you get it?’ The girl pointed to the boat. ‘Before that, Charlie.’She shrugged, memory suddenly failing her despite always remembering when her parents had promised ice-cream and hadn’t delivered. ‘Does it belong to you?’ Charlie nodded then quickly shook her head when Claire felt her glare deepen.

The point of the matter was, Claire had thought her daughter went snooping in her wardrobe, pinching things from the bottom drawer that contained jewellery Claire didn’t wear frequently enough. She couldn’t recall owning a red box but it had to be the only place Charlie acquired it.

‘It’s Daddy’s.’ She told her mother quietly, reaching for the box again as Claire frowned.

Curiosity got the better of her. She couldn’t help it. The lid was practically begging to be opened as the suede burnt a hole in her hand. Claire popped the lid, small box snapping open to reveal a generous diamond ring.

She knew what it was in a heartbeat, didn’t even need to slip the ring from the box to find the small engraving specifically tailored for her. We stick together. She saw it anyway, shock causing her small hands to pull it out to inspect the rose gold further. The diamond was a solitaire cut with a delicate pattern etched into the exterior of the band.

Claire’s heart was living in her throat, her stomach sliding in the opposite direction as she felt her lungs cease working. Her heart was pounding, thumbing in her ears so loud Claire was sure the world could hear it.

Owen had proposed five times in three years.

He asked her to marry him the morning after she revealed her pregnancy. They had spent the majority of the night arguing but when he woke everything was clear. Owen knew what he wanted. She turned him down. Claire refused to be a duty just because they had been reckless. Owen proposed a second time, Claire curled into his side, as they watched a movie the night they found out their baby was going to be a girl. He couldn’t focus on what they were watching, too busy daydreaming about a little girl exactly like her mama. Claire said no. She wanted him to propose because of her and not the baby. That didn’t stop him from prosing a third time after Charlie was born, Claire exhausted, the new baby finally settled. In fact, he had proposed multiple times in Charlie’s first week but Claire was too tired to remember them all. It had become a game. He wasn’t really serious. Claire felt it was a mix between the two; Owen proposing out of duty and adoration for Charlie. They could function as a family without the white dress and expensive dinner. The fourth time he proposed was at Charlie’s first birthday. Claire could have said yes. She felt the same way he did. But, she said no waving him off with a roll of her eyes like it had all become a big game between them. They both ignored the hurt in his eyes. The fifth time he proposed was the afternoon Claire suggested they have another baby. She had waved him off once again, promising they couldn’t get married, not when she had other things to think about.

Every time he got down on one knee or turned to her an asked if she would marry him, Owen never had a ring. But the box in her hand proved that he had bought one at some point … or recently and had intended to use it.

There was a bird sitting on the bough of the tree in their yard. It whistled at her, singing a springtime song as Claire sucked in a deep breath. The universe was telling her what was right and wrong and proving how far she had come. It all started to settle, the ground solid beneath her feet, Charlie sweet at her side and Owen the best thing Claire had encountered.

‘Can you line your animals up for me? Favourites at the front?’ She asked Charlie, distracting the girl as she pushed off the ground and started to move for the house.

The grass, somewhat damp had pressed wet stains into her old jeans, knees and backside soaked as Claire wiped her dirty hands against the denim on her hips. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, all the air trapped in her lungs nothing coming or going as she searched the house.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ Owen stopped her, appearing from the small hallway behind her, his hands on Claire’s hips as he turned her towards him. She didn’t realise she was shaking, breathing hurried until he was in her vicinity, his own heart rate starting to climb. ‘Is Charlie okay?’ He asked, worry louder than he expected as Claire nodded, a hand firmly on his chest to clam him.

‘I want to get married.’ She told Owen, clear as day and calm despite her physical reaction. The man jolted, body jumping as he pulled his head back, trying to get a better look at her. His hand lifted from her hip, pressing the back of his palm to her forehead.

He joked if she was feeling okay accept the worry was very evident in his voice. ‘What made you want that?’ He asked, for two and a half years he tried to get her to want him as a husband. She had always been firmly on the no side of the fence. A voice in the back of his head told Owen she was pregnant. They were trying, haphazardly, pulling a no contraceptives lets see what happens method. They already had one let down. Maybe this was it, a second chance.

Claire wordlessly raised her palm and showed him the ring box.

Owen stared at it. ‘Where’d you find that?!’ He asked, looking at her with wide eyes like it was a goddamned miracle.

‘Did you lose it?!’ She asked, alarmed as he reached for it, Claire’s fingers closing around the box.

Owen nodded. ‘Yeah, a few months ago. I don’t know, I thought … hell, I don’t know what I thought.’ Something in his gut knew it hadn’t ventured too far. Claire knew if Owen suspected a break in he would have said something. The man simply misplaced it. Part of him thought maybe Claire had found it and was waiting for the right moment to spring it on him.

‘You lost it!’ Claire heard her voice raise, laughter bubbling in with her anxiety as she took a step away from him. ‘You’re unbelievable.’

‘Hey, I’ve had that ring for eighteen months and I only just lost it.’ He scratched his hand over the back of his neck, sheepish immediately as Claire’s laughter sobered.

‘You’ve had it how long?’

‘Since Charlie was six-months old.’

‘Why didn’t you ever give it to me?’ Claire frowned, he had proposed since then.

She didn’t want it. He told her. Over and over and over again he asked and asked and got down on his knee more times than he could count. Sure, sometimes Owen had been joshing her and others he was serious. He didn’t want to pull out the ring and completely knock her for six. Where Owen did want to marry Claire there was a large part of him that knew a proposal would be far more real if he used the ring. If she said no while he had that box in his hand, lid open, he’d never be able to look at it again. It would be the final nail in the coffin of his hopes.

‘Why do you want to get married now but not every other time I’ve asked?’ She could see he was annoyed, anger bubbling behind his eyes despite his best efforts.

Claire shrugged, pulling away as she fought her thoughts. ‘Today.’ He blinked at her. ‘It’s just been a really beautiful day.’ Claire shrugged again. ‘It felt right, Owen. I wasn’t pulling my hair out thanks to Charlie. She asked for my help. You were letting us bond. No one was fighting. The sun is out, the birds are singing it just felt right. I want to marry you. I wanted to marry you but you never asked me properly.’ She added that the little girl had the ring the whole time it was missing, using it as the treasure for her fishing boat.

‘I never asked you properly?!’ His voice raised, disbelief appearing on his face. ‘You have got to be kidding me, Claire.’

She shook her head. ‘Don’t ruin this.’ She told him with a warning tone, sigh falling from her with disappointment.

‘No, I’m sorry, I’m going to reserve the right to be annoyed about this. You can’t honestly tell me that I let you knock me back time and time again because it just wasn’t right. We have a kid, Claire, a house, a life together —-‘ She held up her hand, stopping him.

‘I get it, you’re annoyed but I’m going to stop you right there before you say something I know you don’t mean.’ His mouth opened and closed like a fish caught in a vase, staring lifelessly at her as he fought the urge to fight back. Claire didn’t give Owen the opportunity, instead, she turned, disappearing out the back door as she called Charlie’s name. ‘We’re going to lunch?’ She told him easily, the child on her hip, his invitation void from the conversation.

Owen needed to cool off, frustration still twitching in the tips of his fingers.

He couldn’t help it. Claire was arguably the best thing that ever happened to him. Sure, they had their ups and downs but he wasn’t going to change it for anything in the world. He felt it was an insult to injury that she didn’t want to marry him, knocking him back every time he asked. He could take it then, hell, he even understood. But now she suddenly wanted what he had been asking for and that pissed him off.

Owen was being selfish. He knew it. He knew every time he asked the question what the answer was going to be from the very first second. Claire put herself first. She didn’t do anything unless she was convinced it would work and Charlie was the first time she stepped out of that comfort zone. He knew he couldn’t push her. Everything ran on Claire’s time. It was by her comfort they lived their lives and Owen knew the second she felt it wasn’t working anymore he would be out of the picture.

It was Claire’s world and he was just lucky enough to live in it. Owen adored what they had, he loved Charlie and was grateful for their relationship but he wanted more. He wanted the sentimentality of his ring on her finger no matter how many times she said no. His stubborn will for tradition was going to get him in the doghouse … if Owen wasn’t already there by the time Claire came home.

[…]

She returned angrier than she had left. Charlie’s belly full with a lunch out and her small arms carrying a brand new toy. Claire pinpointed how exactly her daughter had managed to accumulate such a grand collection. The Little People were an apology gift for parental arguments. Charlie was none the wiser.

Owen met them like a kicked puppy in the living room, hands fidgeting with a spanner as he appeared from the garage not quite meeting Claire’s eye. She pushed past him, hands full of grocery bags as she ignored his existence.

‘Look Daddy!’ Charlie was happy to acknowledge him, holding the toy above her head as she jumped on the spot to get his attention.

‘Is that a school bus?’ He asked her. Charlie nodded, bringing the toy down as she sat on the floor giddy to show her father the new toy and all its features. ‘Is Mama okay?’ He asked his daughter quietly, sitting in the middle of the hallway with her as he lowered his voice.

He could see Claire in the kitchen, angrily unpacking her shopping as she slammed the fridge door and smacked a pan down on the counter.

She couldn’t hear them. Charlie raised a hand lightly tapping her forehead with it. ‘Mama said you’re silly in the head.’ She told her father easily before trying to distract him with the toy again, making the plastic sing as she pressed down on the driver's seat. Owen had no doubt that Claire had heard every noise that toy made as Charlie discovered it in the car. In the kitchen, she played indifferent.

Owen helped Charlie tear the cardboard away from her new toy, loosening off the ties in the packaging before the bus and it’s driver was free. ‘Can you pack up your toys outside?’ He asked and Charlie nodded easily picking herself up to continue playing in the sun.

Claire ignored him, pretending Owen hadn’t stepped into the kitchen or her space as she conveniently moved out of his reach. ‘Hey.’ He tried to grab her attention. Claire wasn’t going to fall for it. ‘Hey, I’m sorry, okay?’ She stopped, knife dropping to the counter as she span towards him.

‘You damn well better be sorry, Owen Grady.’ He sighed, cocking his hip against the counter as his large hand reached out to pinch a few sugar snap peas from her bunch on the chopping board. Owen nodded. He was. ‘Who the hell were you turning this into an argument?’ She snapped, glaring at him as he shrugged.

‘God, Claire, had I known seeing the ring would have been all it took for you to say yes then I would have given it to you two years ago.’

She shook her head. ‘You really don’t listen.’

‘Tell me then, what am I missing?’

‘It was never the right time.’ She had raised her arms. ‘You asked because you felt you had to, every single time because you wanted the family unit and not just me. I get that it will never be just me anymore, not now that we have Charlie but one day she won’t be here anymore. What then?’ He didn’t respond. Owen knew enough to understand Claire fearing she would not be enough one day. ‘You know how seriously I take this. I needed affirmation, Owen. I needed to know you were asking because it was me because there would be no one else. I needed to know if I gave you everything I would get it all back in return. I above everything else needed to know, within my head and my heart that this was the right move.’

He wasn’t going to argue that she wanted another baby, that Charlie was two-years-old and Claire should have figured out what she wanted by now. He tried not to get angry that she was using him to play house until she got bored of it. Owen lived the last two years in fear that he would wake up without Claire, left with a baby and no clue as to where her mother went. It was a miracle, he considered, that she was still waking up beside him every morning.

They weren’t perfect. Owen knew that. He loved her for needed things written in concrete before she committed herself to it completely.

‘I just realised that I’ve been holding you at a distance this whole time because I was scared of what would happen if we finally went all the way. My family doesn’t do happily ever after, Owen. It doesn’t work. We don’t work half the time. I mean, seriously, we’re fighting over marriage. How is Charlie going to turn out after a few more years of this?’ She stopped, fingers threaded together as she watched her thumbs fidget. ‘Where I am scared out of my mind, it doesn’t seem to matter because I love you. I want the whole fairy tale as irrational as it sounds. You’re always telling me to take a chance; on you, on Charlie and on the future. I should have listened earlier but I am listening now. I want to marry you.’

Owen shuffled, hands sliding into his pockets as he retrieved the red James Allen box and extended it to her. Claire shook her head.

‘You have to do it properly.’

He frowned, the expression drawing deep lines down his face. Owen shook it away, sliding down onto one knee as he looked up at her. Claire took a step away from him, shaking her head as the fingers of one hand-picked at the other.

‘You can’t propose now. I’m still really angry with you.’ She told him bluntly, taking another step back as she peered out the window behind the kitchen sink, eyes seeking out Charlie alone in the yard. Owen grunted, the sound irritated in the back of his throat and definitely louder then he intended. ‘I want you to propose, Owen, I do. You just need to do it properly. When the moment is right, but, I promise I will say yes this time.’ She was telling him not today, maybe even not that week and he was trying the best he could to swallow his pride and accept that.

Owen shoved the box back into his pocket as he stood to his full height. ‘I won’t let Charlie run off with it this time.’ He told her, eliciting a laugh from the woman who allowed him to pull her into his arms. Owen kissed the top of her head fondly, feeling the way his chest eased as she let him back into the comfort of her embrace.

Things were rocky but they sorted them out in the end. She wanted to marry him. Wanted the whole 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. He knew he would have to persuade her on the dog argument but right now he couldn’t get his heartbeat back in sync.

‘Charlie’s climbing the tree again.’ Claire pushed away from his chest with an unsurprised sigh, already rushing towards the door before she could announce what tore her attention away.

Standing in the kitchen, heart jumping erratically, Owen couldn’t help but laugh. What they had was manageable and he adored it.

[…]

It took him weeks to find the perfect opportunity. He could tell Claire was trying to anticipate his move, the both of them hyperaware that it could happen at any given moment. Owen contemplated making her wait months, a year maybe but he didn’t want to give Claire room to change her mind.

He packed a picnic dinner, dressing Charlie for the park as Claire planned to meet them after she dropped by the house to change.

It was Claire’s idea. The sun had been shining all day, tempting office workers to step out into the grass, barefoot and carefree. She longed to be out there, jealous of Owen’s mostly outdoor job that kept his skin golden brown and his hair light. She wanted to spend the evening outside, watching the sunset from the park by the beach as her daughter played.

She met them there, Owen already set up on the grass with a picnic blanket. Charlie was already eating hands full of fruit, shirt messy as she squealed upon sight of her mother. She ran, colliding into Claire’s legs, a slice of watermelon in her hand as the girl nibbles on it.

‘We’re at the park!’ Charlie exclaimed in case her mother hadn’t noticed that they weren’t at home or anywhere other than where they currently were. Claire picked her up effortlessly, long ago losing her fear of ruining her clothes to sticky fingers. Instantly, she felt Charlie’s wet fingers on her bare shoulders, little girl fiddling with the spaghetti strap of her mother’s maxi dress. She pressed a kiss to Charlie’s watermelon soaked cheek.

‘Hungry?’ Owen asked as she approached him, his hand raising to her hip to keep her steady as she tried to lower herself to the picnic blanket.

‘Starved.’ She answered with a kiss, smiling against his soft greeting as Charlie climbed off her lap.

Owen handed over an apple and raspberry salad for the woman he knew was still trying to watch her figure. He and Charlie had sandwiches filled with the lot, a spare in the hamper just for Claire because he knew she would cave and ask for the last of his. ‘Brought this too.’ Owen reached into the picnic basket, pulling out a bottle of Claire’s favourite champagne.

‘You’re the best.’ Claire grinned, leaning in for another kiss before she turned to Charlie. ‘Isn’t Daddy the best, baby?’ Charlie nodded, her little hands squeezed around a juice box.

They wouldn’t let Charlie move from the blanket until she finished her dinner, little girl itching to climb the playground with the other kids. She was gone before her parents could acknowledge her meal was finished, already climbing the play equipment as Owen poured Claire another glass of champagne.

‘This was a good idea.’ She hummed, leaning against his side as Owen wrapped his arm around her middle. They tried to get out, to do things as a family not only on weekends. Claire had forgotten how much of winter kept them indoors, reserved to doing things so long as a roof was over their heads or the off chance that it wasn’t raining or too windy. She hadn’t realised how much they needed the warmer weather. ‘Has she got sunscreen on?’ Owen nodded, promising he had lathered the girl in more than she needed. ‘You know,’ she started again, her head on his shoulder. ‘I spent all day watching the clock. I just wanted to come home to the two of you.’

Owen kissed her temple, sighing easily as he let her words soak over him. Charlie called out to them, begging that they watch as she went down the slide, adults cheering when she looked to them for praise.

‘I can’t wait until we have two of them.’

‘Why don’t we make our family official in the meantime?’ Owen asked, turning towards her but careful not to disrupt Claire, his hand holding the ring box. He was sure he heard a sharp intake stab at her lungs. Owen took her by surprise. ‘I would get down on one knee, but we’re both already sitting.’ He teased, kissing her temple again, spare hand rubbing her back.

Claire pulled away, standing on her knees only so she could lean in, both hands on his cheeks and kiss him fully. ‘Ask me.’ She told him.

‘Claire Adelaide Dearing, will you marry me?’ Every time he said those words he felt hopeful, sure she was going to say yes and every time she let him down. Owen didn’t feel the need to squash the feeling this time. He knew what her answer was going to be as her lips curled into a brilliant smile their faces only inches apart.

‘Yes, I’ll marry you.’ She kissed him, fingers tight against his ears as Owen’s hands wound around her back. She watched him, her hands shaking once they pulled away, Owen trying to slide the ring onto her finger. She couldn’t keep still, despite knowing it was coming, knowing that she wanted it the adrenaline pounded heavy in her veins. ‘Owen —’ she drew his attention from her hands to her face as he hummed, concentration furrowed his brows. ‘—I’m pregnant.’

Instantly, Owen pulled her into his arms, Claire collapsing in his lap as he peppered her face with kisses joy bouncing in his chest. ‘It’s only going to get better from here, babe.’ He kissed her again, touch filled with promises as Owen revelled in the weight of Claire in his lap, Charlie calling out their names again as she waved them down from the top of the slide.

This was how it was supposed to be and it would continue to remain that way.

#clawen #charlie and elliot #despite the odds #claire dearing #owen grady #charlie grady

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jack-manpain-zimmermann · 7 years

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Where Is My Mind

Where does Mr. Smiling Eyes Ransom go when he’s having one of Those Times?

Title from Where Is My Mind by Pixies

as always thank you to @wrathofthestag for beta! On AO3

Bzzt Bzzt

A hand jams down Justin’s shorts pocket from the wrong direction, tugging his phone out and past the few gaps in the fortress of blankets. He hears Adam tinkering around with it and the shift of his hips as he pockets it in his own pants.

He lets the clickety-clack of typing resume before flipping down the bit of blanket over his eyes.

“March again?”

Adam clunks at his trackpad with one finger as the other hand grabs Justin’s knee and shakes it.

“Yeah. I told her something was up with Bits and we needed to help. She thinks we should just marry him and get it over with.”

“‘Tchuh, I would.”

“Chyeah. Same, dude.”

The object of their proposals patters his way downstairs and into the living room, bundled up in boots and a coat despite the mild weather.

“What’re you two plotting over there?”

“Will you marry us, Bitty?” comes the stereo response.

Bitty chuckles bright and gleeful, skipping around to their side of the couch.

“I thought you boys would never ask!” he says in a breathy version of his own accent.

He kisses Adam on the head but pauses when he sees Justin’s face. The look shared between Adam and Bitty is intentionally obvious and for that Justin is extremely grateful.

There’s a soft rustle as Bitty paws around to find a chest under the blankets before lying across him and pressing their foreheads together.

“Want anything, Ransers?” Bitty’s whisper is sweet and close.

Justin turns his head to nose into Bitty’s hairline to breathe in that babyish, innocent freshness that Bitty has never lost. He brings his hands from underneath himself and holds Bitty lightly through the layers of blankets and coat.

He wants to fall asleep for ten hours and wake up refreshed, is what he wants. He can’t even find the strength to know how exhausted he really is.

Everyone in class chirping him in annoyance at how he ‘somehow manages to do it all, but never seems to be doing anything’. It isn’t as if he’s hiding it: the way he can’t look at a page of text without it lodging in his brain for all of eternity, or how certain songs become synonymous with an entire hockey game, mixed liberally with March telling him about her last visit home. No matter how often he explains that it’s not possible to think at this rate while remaining outwardly engaged, she still thinks he isn’t listening. But he does listen. He repeats it all back to her word-for-word and for some reason she gets even more annoyed.

Then when he lets go and has fun, his jock buddies outside SMH aren’t at all subtle about assuming he’s somehow being handed his grades because of his parents being immigrants.

All of that shit from other students isn’t as bad as the advisers flaking out on him just because ‘the Oluransi kid is gonna be fine - he’s so far ahead - nothing phases that one’.

That isn’t as bad as being unable to tell his own mother that just because a method yields successful results doesn’t mean it has longevity. That he worries his brain will one day fill up and then dump it all out, taking all the fun and silly shit that makes life worthwhile right along with it...

“Nah, thanks, Bits,” he mumbles, pressing three quick kisses against the silky skin above Bitty’s brows. Thankfully, Bitty doesn’t get up immediately. Just sinks deeper; a warm curve over Justin’s torso.

“What’s this? Cuddle pile on Ransom?”

It shouldn’t still be a surprise that Jack is so tactile now, but it’s a pleasantly notable feeling when he places a hand each on top of Justin and Bitty’s heads and gives them a little shake.

“Dude, nah, this couch is gonna bre--aaahhhhh!”

Jack has nudged his ass onto the two of them and is experimenting with settling his full weight. Justin and Bitty scream with laughing terror directly into each other’s faces, eyes bugging out. Adam swivels awkwardly while holding his laptop and plants a foot on one of Jack’s asscheeks, trying to force him away valiantly.

“Jesus Henderson Christ, Jack! Your dumptruck of a butthole is gonna eat my goddamn leg!”

“Bitty to the rescue!” Justin yells, turning Bitty onto his back and adding his booted feet to the effort of knocking Jack over.

Jack stumbles forward and admits defeat and they all cheer, Justin making Bitty’s hands clap by swinging his arms back and forth.

After a few more minutes of tousle, Jack tugs Bitty to his feet and they’re off to go grocery shopping.

The air is still humming with boyish energy, but Justin has retreated back under his blankets. His breathing is far more natural and Adam can sense it, putting away his laptop and tugging Justin’s feet into his lap.

“I literally never want to leave here, man.”

Adam doesn’t outwardly acknowledge the frailty in his friend’s voice. Just kneads at the long bare feet in his lap and hums before he answers.

“Not for another year, we got time.”

“Don’t wanna fuckin’ think about med school… getting a goddamn mortgage... shit.”

A sigh gusts out of him and he yanks his arms out of the blankets, as if they were restraining him. In seconds, Adam’s got ahold of one hand in his own.

It’s fine. Shitty’s the only one in the house. The frogs are in classes all day. It’s fine.

“We’ve always got options, Jus.”

It’s the same response every time and Justin knows it’s intended just as seriously as it was the first time. Adam’s eyes are soft but intense behind his thick lenses. His dry-ass hair won’t sit down in any kind of way on his huge-ass head. He seems to eclipse the whole damn couch beneath his bulk and one of his serving platter hands is still holding Justin’s foot.

Justin palms at his own face where it’s a little wet around the eyes.

“Just gotta get through it, eh?”

Adam nods once and squeezes the hand still in his.

“Okay, pickle. Time for fresh air and Vitamin D.”

Justin sighs but agrees. They disentangle from the couch and stretch out their kinks in tandem, both ending in whooshing sighs.

“Left my shoes upstairs. Be right back!”

“Alright, get your hat while you’re at it, Mr. Mela-none,” Justin chirps, slipping his own shoes on just outside the kitchen. He spots Shitty’s bare ass sticking out from where he’s bent over and hunting in the fridge.

“Don’t eat that Zero bar in the freezer!”

Shitty looks up in surprise and farts in a way that also sounds surprised. His mouth is literally stuffed with cold fries as he gives Justin a keen, penetrating look.

“Ruh ooha fuffuh?”

“Yeah man, just a bad morning. Gonna go walk and then Jerry’s. Join later?”

“Arfth.”

Justin nods and bounces a little on his feet, getting his blood flowing and feeling his head settle heavy and real again.

He nudges easily into Adam as they walk out the front door into the blinding sunlight, both taking dramatic lungfuls of fresh air as soon as they’re on the porch. Adam sounds like such a horse that Justin can’t stay serious anymore.

The smile settles back on his face where it belongs and everyone walking along Frat Row that afternoon returns it back to him.

#justin ransom oluransi #holsom #character study #post-anxiety attack #hurt comfort #my fic

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ranwing · 7 years

Text

Kadam Fic: Just Breathe (12/12)

Title: Just Breathe Series: Season Four Remix Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Carmen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Blaine Anderson, Sam Evans, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 Genre(s): canon divergence, major lol Klaine and Blaine. Parts: 12/12

Summary: Auditions mean new challenges for Kurt and those around him, forcing him to face both his past and his future.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven

On AO3

Kurt stared disbelievingly at his phone screen, as if staring long and hard enough would somehow magically transform the text message from his boyfriend into something that made some kind of rational sense. Both of them had been so busy the past few days now that the semester was over that they hadn’t seen much of one another, and it wasn’t unusual for them to go nearly a whole day without a phone call or text between them. Kurt had been putting in extra hours at Vogue, wanting to give Isabelle as much of his time as possible before he took his summer leave of absence. Adam had been busy with auditions and preparations for his graduation ceremony.

He knew that Adam’s parents had arrived in New York for his graduation and that he would be meeting them at some point before the ceremony. What he had not been expecting was a text from his boyfriend at three o’clock in the afternoon that he’d totally forgotten to inform Kurt that his parents had made dinner reservations for that evening and that they’d all be meeting at their hotel at six. Something that Kurt was in no way prepared for. Not with how he was dressed.

“I’m dead,” he moaned, wondering if it would be more convenient to just off him himself rather than plotting the demise of his irresponsible boyfriend. Isabelle would not appreciate blood all over the office, but he could probably smother himself in the supply closet without making any undue messes. His boss shouldn’t have to suffer because his boyfriend was an absent-minded ninny.

The rational, empathic side of him insisted that Adam couldn’t really be blamed for being forgetful when he had so much on his plate. It was entirely understandable that he was excited about his graduation and seeing his parents for the first time in nearly a year. That, however, did not change the fact that Kurt was entirely unprepared. He’d spent most of the day running errands for Isabelle and the sudden late spring heat and humidity snap left him a disheveled mess. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was a frizzy disaster and he was very much in need of a shower. But even if he left work at that instant, he didn’t have the time to get back to the loft, shower and change, and then make it back to Manhattan in time to meet the Crawfords.

Chase stopped by to drop some files off for Kurt to put away and didn’t miss the dismayed expression on the younger man’s face.

“Hey, Kurt… are you okay?” the older man asked, his handsome face showing his genuine concern.

Kurt looked up at him, his eyes wide and a little bit manic. “Besides my boyfriend being an idiot?” he asked mournfully. He ran a hand through his hair, knowing that wouldn’t help him at all.

Chase couldn’t help from chucking a bit at Kurt’s dramatics. “I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” he consoled. “What did Adam do now?”

Kurt sighed, knowing that his romantic life was something of a favorite source of gossip in the office. “Oh, only forget to tell me that his parents made dinner reservations for us for tonight. And I only have three hours before I’m supposed to meet them at their hotel,” he complained. “There is no way I can get cleaned up and get there in time.”

Chase cocked his head thoughtfully, studying the despondent younger man and considering their options. “Did you forget where you work?” he asked playfully.

Taking Kurt by the arm, Chase pulled him into their boss’s office and announced, “Isabelle? We have a situation here.”

The petite woman looked up at their entrance in surprise, not even attempting to hide her concern that the problem apparently involved Kurt. She quickly got up from her seat and hurried out from behind her desk, surprisingly poised despite balancing on precariously high-heeled Jimmy Choo pumps.

“Kurt, what’s the matter?” she asked, seeing how frantic her normally unflappable assistant looked. “Is your father okay?”

His boss and coworker had been a blessing to Kurt. From the very moment he’d first arrived in their offices with nothing to his name by a fashion blog with a few followers and a head full of ambitions, they’d been nothing but embracing and supportive. And in Chase’s case, playfully flirtatious. That had greatly helped Kurt to regain his confidence after his first rejection from NYADA, and then the heartbreak of his first real breakup. They might still be grumbling a bit over his preference of pursuing a theater career over fashion, but Isabelle had insisted he had a place at Vogue for as long as he wanted.

Kurt looked up at them helplessly and his dilemma poured out of him in a rush. “I mean, he knew that I was waiting to hear what plans they might have,” he complained. “And there’s no way that I’m going to get home and find something to wear in time! He’s such a jerk! And he’s all ‘sorry, I totally forgot’! They’re going to think I’m a total slob!”

Isabelle tried not to laugh at Kurt’s mimicking of his boyfriend’s accent and the way he was flinging up his hands in frustration, pacing about the office as he ranted. Having seen her assistant handle temperamental designers, models and writers with aplomb, Kurt’s own display of temper was rather amusing.

“Sweetie, calm down,” she soothed, reaching out to touch his arm comfortingly. “We’ll get this sorted out.”

She looked to Chase, considering their options. “Why don’t you run down to the vault and see if you can find something suitable for him,” she suggested. “We should have just enough time to get him fitted if we hurry.”

Chase nodded and looked to Kurt. “Where are you going to dinner?” he asked.

Kurt sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Café Boulud. I’ve never been there so I have no idea what might be appropriate.”

Chase’s eyebrow rose in appreciation. “Nice. So we need something a little on the dressy side, but not too stuffy.”

Isabelle’s eyes sparked at the prospect of outfitting Kurt. “What about that grey Canali suit?” she proposed. “The one we used in last month’s shoot?”

Chase considered the suggestion and shook his head. “It’s a little uptight, don’t you think? We don’t want him to look like a stock broker,” he reminded. He looked Kurt over, considering his options. “I was thinking more about a Sartorio linen jacket with a soft scarf. Something classic, but young.”

“With the Lanvin trousers,” Isabelle suggested. “The blue ones that we just got in.”

“Perfect!” Chase proclaimed. “Let me go downstairs and grab them.”

“Don’t forget some accessories!” Isabelle called out as Chase rushed out the door. She then got on the phone to call one of the other departments. “Hi, Javier. Are you crazy busy right now? I need a favor. Can I send my assistant down for a quick wash and styling? Great! He’ll be there in five. I really appreciate it.”

Hanging up, she gave Kurt a reassuring smile. “Okay… you get down to Hair and Makeup and Javier will get you sorted out. Chase should be back by the time you’re done and I’ll get one of the tailors up here. We’ll get you there in time,” she promised. “Now get going… Javier is waiting for you.”

Kurt gave his boss a thankful smile, grateful that he had the good fortune to work for someone so considerate. When he arrived in the stylists’ area, Javier quickly and cheerfully took him in hand, ushering him to the small shower that was usually used by models to wash off after a shoot. Once Kurt was clean and feeling much better, Javier sat him down at his workstation and offered some suggestions to freshen up Kurt’s usual style. Having someone pamper him a little bit set him more at ease and put him in a better frame of mind for the meeting that he’d been anticipating for some time.

He ended up leaving the Vogue offices with exactly twenty minutes to spare in an Uber car that Isabelle had called for him and wearing about two thousand dollars of designer clothing. He looked perfect and barring any major traffic jams, would arrive just in time to meet the Crawfords. He texted Adam that he was on his way and would be there shortly.

Now that he was suitably groomed and dressed for the occasion, Kurt was able to admit that at least part of his tantrum at the office was the result of nerves about meeting Adam’s parents in person. He knew that he was being silly, as he’d joined in on several of Adam’s Skype calls home. But meeting them in person was a big deal. He and Adam were in love and he very much wanted to make a good impression. It would mean a great deal to Adam to have Kurt accepted by his family and the last thing he wanted was to make them think that he wasn’t good enough for Adam.

He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He hadn’t been this nervous when he’d met the Andersons and had managed to maintain a cordial, if not overly warm relationship with them for the duration of his relationship with Blaine. His own family had all but adopted Adam and the Crawfords had seemed so friendly when he’d spoken with them. He knew rationally that there was no reason for him to be at all anxious.

Maybe it was because meeting Adam’s family would be the final stamp on just how serious their relationship was. Families had expectations and Adam had already faced Kurt’s father. Now it was Kurt’s turn and while he wasn’t exactly afraid that he might be found wanting, that didn’t erase the fact that he wanted to prove to Adam’s accomplished parents that he was a suitable partner to the son that they clearly loved so much.

As his care pulled up to the front of the London Hotel, Kurt took a steadying breath, hoping to quiet the last of his nerves. He couldn’t walk in there like this was some kind of performance because Adam didn’t deserve that. This was real life and he was going to show the Crawfords his best, most genuine face. It would be enough.

* * *

Adam checked his watch, noting that Kurt should be arriving shortly. He still felt absolutely terrible about having completely forgotten to let Kurt know about his parent’s plans before his boyfriend had left for work for the day and he could tell from the terseness of Kurt’s texts that he was understandably upset about the late invitation. Adam sighed, knowing that he would need to do a fair bit of groveling in order to get back into his boyfriend’s good graces.

He looked to his parents, a rueful expression on his face. “Kurt should be here in just a bit,” he informed them. “I’m afraid that he might be a bit cross with me.”

“Adam, I cannot believe that you forget to tell Kurt,” his mother admonished as she put the final touches on her makeup. Though she was dressed simply in a pair of black slacks and a white blouse, her simple clothing and jewelry looked very classy in an understated way that Adam knew his fashion forward boyfriend would appreciate. She gave her son a disappointed shake of her head, making her displeasure clear.

“I know, Mum. I messed up,” he admitted. “I have to figure out how to make it up to him.”

“I’m sure that once we get a glass or two of wine into him, he’ll feel better,” Peter Crawford suggested, giving his son a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “You’ve had a lot on your mind the past few days, and it’s obvious that Kurt loves you. He won’t stay mad for long.”

That was something Adam was certain of, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t feel terribly about totally neglecting to let Kurt know of the plans well in advance.

His mother put on her earrings and gave her husband and son a smile. “Well, why don’t we head downstairs and meet him in the lobby so he’s not waiting for us? Peter, do you have the gift for him?”

“Right here,” her husband assured her, holding up the elegant gift bag. Offering her his arm, they stepped out of their suite, their son following behind him.

Riding in the elevator down to the lobby, Ellie Crawford gave her son a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m sure that Kurt won’t be too upset with you,” she insisted gently.

Adam allowed himself to smile, momentarily reassured. “I know, Mum. I’m just annoyed with myself for being such a total berk.”

“Everyone’s got so much happening right now,” his father reminded him. “Both of you have a lot on your plates.”

“I know. It’s just... Kurt hates to be unprepared for anything,” Adam explained. “And he’s a bit nervous about meeting you both, so I know he wants to make a good impression. I’m afraid that I just made things very difficult for him.”

“We’ll make it up to him,” Ellie promised as they stepped out of the elevator. The hotel lobby was a bit crowded, with guests coming in from a day of sightseeing or heading out for an evening on the town. “Is he here yet? I don’t see him.”

Adam looked about and felt himself smiling when Kurt stepped through the front doors, looking surprisingly well put together for someone who’d just a few hours ago had an unexpected dinner engagement dumped in his lap. Stepping forward, he held out his arms and gathered his boyfriend into a warm embrace.

He felt Kurt sigh a bit, then relax into Adam’s arms, turning his face up for the offered kiss. “You look amazing, darling,” Adam complimented, taking in the sight of the younger man’s stylish outfit. Kurt looked like he’d just stepped off a fashion runway.

Kurt gave him an arch stare. “We have Isabelle to thank for that,” he said, a trace of condemnation clear in his voice. “It’s a good thing I work for a fashion magazine.”

Adam couldn’t help from wincing. “I am so sorry, sweetheart,” he said sincerely, feeling awful about being so inconsiderate. “I should have called you last night as soon as my folks told me what they had planned. I was so excited about seeing them but… that’s no excuse.”

He sighed, gently smoothing back a lock of Kurt’s hair behind his ear. “I am so sorry,” he apologized with all the sincerity he could manage. “I was a thoughtless idiot.”

“Yes, you were,” Kurt agreed, though there was no heat in his voice. He gave Adam a fond, exasperated stare. “You are very lucky that I have a wonderful boss and a coworker that delights in dressing me like his personal Ken doll.”

Adam tamped down the spark of jealousy that flared at the mention of Chase, even though he knew that Kurt had no intention of reciprocating the man’s interest. “Well, you look absolutely smashing,” he complimented. He was glad that he had thought to wear some of the more fashionable items from his wardrobe that Kurt had given him over the past weeks so that he wouldn’t look poorly in comparison. “And I really am dead from the neck up sometimes.”

Kurt huffed, but found it impossible to stay angry and offered his lover a small smile. “Yes you are, but I love you anyway.”

Adam could feel his parents’ stares and knew that they were trying their best to give him and Kurt a bit of space, but were eagerly awaiting their formal introductions. He gave Kurt a reassuring smile and asked, “Think you’re ready to meet them?”

Kurt nodded and warned, “If they hate me, I’m holding you fully responsible.”

“Noted.”

He kept his arm about Kurt, a reassuring presence as he guided the younger man to where his parents were waiting. He bit back a smile at how his mother was all but quivering with excitement while his father just had a pleased expression at seeing the two of them together.

“Mum, Dad… I know that you’ve spoken, but this is my Kurt,” he introduced proudly, glad to finally have the chance to show off his boyfriend to his family.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you both,” Kurt said with just the slightest trace of nervousness in his voice. “In person, that is.”

Ellie quickly swept Kurt up into a hug, all but pulling him away from Adam to do so. “I was right!” she proclaimed happily, squeezing a surprised squeak from Kurt. “You’re even more gorgeous than you looked over the computer. So stylish and posh…”

“Ellie, let the poor boy breathe,” her husband playfully reprimanded when it became apparent that she wasn’t going to release him any time soon. He wouldn’t be putting it past his wife to already be planning how to smuggle their son’s partner back to England with them.

He looked to Kurt apologetically, explaining, “I think she’s more excited about meeting you than seeing Adam. We’re very glad to be meeting you, son.” He shook Kurt’s hand warmly, hoping to make up a bit for his wife’s over-enthusiasm.

“Adam, did Melissa come too?” Kurt asked, looking about for his boyfriend’s sister. He probably shouldn’t have been surprised that she didn’t appear to be there.

Ellie shook her head, letting Adam take possession of his boyfriend again. “I’m afraid she couldn’t make it,” she explained regretfully. “And she was so looking forward to meeting you too.”

“Melissa has been tied up with a huge court case the past few weeks,” Adam explained. “Remember that big horse seizure I told you about? It’s the kind of thing that can take months to resolve, so I knew that it was possible that she wouldn’t be able to come.”

“What a shame,” Kurt mused, sad on Adam’s behalf. “I know that you’re disappointed.”

“A bit,” Adam admitted. “But her work is important so I do understand.”

Adam’s father nodded regretfully. “She was very upset that she wasn’t going to be able to get away, even for a few days,” he insisted. “She very much wanted to see you, and to meet Kurt. And that reminds me…”

Peter held out the gift bag he’d been holding to Kurt. “This is just a little something from Melissa and us,” he explained. “A little ‘welcome to the family’ token. And to thank you for watching out for Adam for us.”

Kurt hesitated before accepting, taken aback by the gesture. “You didn’t have to do that. I’m just glad to be here with you all.”

Ellie snorted. “Nonsense! We wanted to bring you a little bit of England since Adam told us that you’re something of an Anglophile. We thought this was something that you, of all people, would appreciate.”

Kurt sighed, knowing that he couldn’t refuse without giving offense. “Thank you,” he said politely, opening the bag and pulled out a heavy hardcover book from the nest of tissue paper.

His eyes widened at seeing the title on the aged cover. “Oh,” he breathed, stunned at what he was holding in his hands.

Adam leaned in to see. “What is it, love?”

Kurt held out the book carefully, as if afraid of dropping it. “A collection of Noël Coward’s plays,” he said in astonishment.

Adam’s father watched his response in amusement, glad that they had apparently chosen wisely. “It’s a first edition,” he pointed out, causing Kurt to gasp a little bit. “We thought it would make a fine addition to your personal collection.”

“Adam told us that you especially love Coward’s works,” Ellie inserted, letting her husband place his arm about her shoulders and hold her close. “Take a look inside.”

At her urging, Kurt opened the book to the title page and nearly dropped it in shock at seeing the author’s name written in a very clear and distinctive script. He had no doubt that it was genuine and felt himself looking up at Adam’s parents in shock.

“I can’t take this,” he insisted, holding the book out of them. “It’s too valuable. I can’t…”

Adam’s father shook his head. “You most definitely can, Kurt. We wanted you to have this.”

“But it’s too much,” Kurt protested weakly, not even attempting to try and guess at how much a book like this would cost. An original printing would be rare enough, but to have it autographed by Noël Coward himself…

Ellie made a gentle shushing sound. “Not at all,” she claimed. “Kurt, sweetheart… this is just a little token from all of us.”

“It’s from my father’s collection,” Peter explained, giving the younger man a fond smile. “He met Mr. Coward many years ago, but the poor book has been gathering dust for ages. He’d have wanted it to go to someone who would really appreciate it.”

Realizing that protesting much longer would offend the Crawfords, Kurt looked down at the precious text in his hands, his finger tracing the gold lettering on the spine. He looked to Adam’s parents and couldn’t help from smiling, so taken by surprise at their generosity. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. He felt himself hugging the book to his chest, as if to protect the precious thing from the world.

Adam just smiled and bent to kiss Kurt’s head, holding him close. “You silly thing,” he teased. “I told you that they’d love you.”

Kurt snorted, using his head to nudge at Adam’s shoulder. “Hush, you…”

“Well, we’d better get a move on if we want to keep our reservation,” Peter stated, amused at the antics of the younger men. “We should have enough time to walk, if that’s all right with everyone.”

“Oh, yes!” his wife exclaimed. “It’s such a lovely day outside.”

Adam helped Kurt place the book back into the gift bag and offered to carry it, not terribly surprised when Kurt glared at him like Adam was asking Kurt to sever a limb. But the younger man consented to letting Adam hold his hand as they walked outside with Adam’s parents.

As they leisurely strolled to the restaurant and enjoyed the spring weather, Kurt felt completely at ease with Adam’s family. He listened to Peter Crawford reminisce about the times he’d played in Carnage Hall and the travails of trying to drag his cello about the city, while Ellie mused about how rapidly New York seemed to change, always different each time they visited. And as always, Adam remained a comforting presence at his side.

* * *

Rachel paused, not sure of what she was looking for as she stood outside of Ms. July’s office. Classes were over and they’d gotten their grades so all of her questions should have been answered. Instead she was left even more confused about where she stood in the grand scheme of things. Never before had her vision of her own future been so unclear, and she very much needed to figure out where she went from here.

She heard sounds of movement from inside the office, confirming that the dance teacher hadn’t already left for the summer break just yet. Steeling her courage, she raised her fist to knock on the door and hoped that with classes being concluded that her teacher might be in the mood to help.

“Come in!” Ms. July called out and Rachel opened the door to step inside, surprised at what she found. Having spent nearly a full year in seeing her teacher in leggings and dance attire, to see her dressed in skinny jeans and a faded Depeche Mode concert t-shirt as she packed up her office for the summer.

Ms. July looked up at Rachel, her long ponytail swinging behind her. “What do you want, Schwimmer? I would have though that you’d be out trying to show some director that you know better than they do.”

The insulting greeting hurt, mostly because Rachel knew that she was right. “I was hoping to catch you before you left for the summer,” she explained, trying to be as respectful as possible.”

“Well, get on with it,” Ms. July demanded sharply. “Because there’s a beach and a piña colada with my name on it waiting for me, and I am not going to miss my flight for you.”

Rachel nodded. “I won’t take much of your time… I just had a question about my grade,” she said.

“It should be pretty self-explanatory,” Ms. July snapped as she carefully placed her plants into a box.

Rachel nodded. “But what I don’t understand is why you gave me an Incomplete,” she stated. “You told me that I was failing, so I’m a little confused why you didn’t just fail me outright.”

Cassandra huffed in annoyance and turned an irritated gaze to the younger woman. “You really are dense,” she noted harshly. “I’m giving you an out and you’re questioning it? Do you want me to fail you?”

“No!” Rachel insisted. “Of course not. But I don’t get why you didn’t.”

The dance instructor’s gaze turned flinty, her mouth drawn into a harsh frown. “You know, most students just sigh in relief when they don’t fail a class they were expecting to, but you would be the one to start questioning a gift horse.” She shook her head in frustration.

“Look, you and I both know that you rightly should have failed. You didn’t give any real effort and you didn’t improve at all this year,” Cassandra reminded her student.

Rachel felt herself wither at the harsh assessment, but it wasn’t anything that she hadn’t already heard from her teacher.

“Your final assessment just confirmed that you would never survive the next level of classes and I had no qualms about holding you back. But your performance did give me something to consider.”

Ms. July looked down at her, her gaze penetrating. “You actually put in a bit of real effort. And you asked for help. Much too late to be of any use, granted, but it was the first time all year that you acknowledged what a fuck up you’ve been.”

She shrugged, turning to toss a few more things into the box to go home. “Make no mistakes, Berry… what I did for you is a much bigger favor than you deserve. If you repeat the class and pass, the Incomplete won’t affect your GPA. But that’s entirely up to you.”

Rachel nodded in understanding. “I already signed up for the summer intensive, like you suggested,” she explained. “I really am taking this seriously now.”

The older woman gave her an appraising stare, as if weighing out the sincerity of her words. “I’m not the one you have to convince anymore, Berry,” she stated firmly. “You’ve already blown your chance at making me think you’ve got potential and a real willingness to learn. But you’re getting a new teacher who doesn’t know you, so you’ve got another chance to prove that you’re not just full of hot air. It’s up to you at this point not to screw it up.”

Rachel knew that she shouldn’t have expected her teacher to be any kinder to her now, so the harsh words didn’t cut nearly as deeply as they might have a few weeks ago. And she could hardly claim that however hurtfully worded that she didn’t very well deserve that criticism. Having another chance might not be something that she’d earned, but she wasn’t going to turn it down over misplaced pride.

“I won’t,” she insisted. But her teacher had already tuned her out, returning to gathering her personal possessions and packing them to take home for the summer. “I just… I just wanted to say that I appreciate this. And that I’m sorry for giving you so much trouble.”

She turned to leave when her teacher called out, “Berry. One more thing…”

Rachel bit back a sigh, wondering if the older woman felt a need to tear into her a bit more. If just for old time’s sake.

Cassandra looked down at the younger woman, her face set in a firm scowl. “Just a bit of advice,” she offered with clear reluctance to give any kind of aid.

“Forget about trying to prove that you’re the best dancer in the room, because you’re not,” Cassandra reminded her sternly. “You don’t have the natural facility for it, so however good you’re going to get is going to hinge on how much work you’re willing to put in. And even then, you’re not going to be so fantastic. Maybe good enough for chorus work… if they stick you in the background.

“If you stop trying to prove that you’re the best that ever existed, you might actual learn something. There’s always going to be someone better than you,” Ms. July warned. “If you focus on being your best instead of worrying about being the best, you’ll do a lot better.”

It wasn’t what Rachel wanted to hear, but she had gained enough self-awareness over the past few weeks to accept that it was what she needed to hear. If the humbling she’d endured accomplished anything at all, she knew that it forced her to recognize her shortcomings and how they were holding her back.

She nodded, letting her teacher know that she was paying attention. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she promised, more to herself than Ms. July. Her teacher might have granted her a small bit of help, but Rachel was smart enough by this point not to press her luck.

And she didn’t think that Ms. July would be too offended if she avoided her classes in the future.

* * *

Santana and Rachel looked up as the door to the loft slid open and Kurt walked inside. “Oh wow… look who finally made a reappearance,” Santana chuckled, shaking her head in mock reproach. “We thought that the Crawfords must have kidnapped you.”

“Ha ha… We’re not completely joined at the hip just yet,” Kurt responded.

“Hey stranger,” Rachel greeted brightly. “Come on in… we’ve got company.”

It was only then that Kurt noticed that they weren’t alone. “When did you two get here?” he asked, coming over to greet Tina and Artie. If he showed a measure of restraint when greeting Tina, no one commented. His reserve towards her was more than understandable.

“We just got in yesterday,” Artie explained. “We wanted to check out our living arrangements before the school term begins.”

“You’re both coming to school in New York?” Kurt asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

The two of them looked good now that the pressure of high school was done with. Artie’s wardrobe looking a bit more put together than Kurt remembered him being, with clothes that were considerably more stylish and better fitted. Tina was dressed casually in jeans and a bohemian-style top that looked quite becoming on her. Kurt just wished that he felt better about seeing the both of them.

Tina nodded, a bit shyly. “Artie’s going to film school here in Brooklyn. And I got into NYU.”

“That’s wonderful,” Kurt congratulated sincerely. “For theater?”

Tina allowed herself to smile a bit. “Yeah… I got in. I really did.”

Despite how things had deteriorated between them, Kurt was genuinely happy for her. Tina had spent a lot of her time at McKinley being ignored and sidelined in much the same way he’d been, so he was genuinely glad to see her get that kind of affirmation. And for her to get admitted when Blaine didn’t… he wasn’t going to hide that he found this a much more preferable option, even if they really weren’t friends anymore.

“So now that school’s over, we decided to fly up and to see the dorms… get the lay of the land… Get a feel for the place,” Artie explained. He reached over to take Tina’s hand in his.

Kurt’s eyes widened a bit. “Are you two back together?”

Tina nodded, giving Artie a fond smile. “For the past few weeks,” she admitted. “We started talking after we got our acceptance letters since we’d both be going to New York. And one thing led to another. So we’re giving it another try.”

Artie lifted her hand and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. “A lot changed since you guys were last in Lima,” he insisted.

“I can’t wait to hear all about it,” Kurt insisted. “But I think we’re going to need a few bottles of wine, so I’ll run down to the store…”

“I’ll come with you,” Tina inserted, getting up from the couch. The look she gave Kurt was imploring. “If it’s okay with you, Kurt.”

Kurt sighed, having hoped to avoid any uncomfortable interactions. He hated surprises and being put on the spot like this, but to refuse her would only exacerbate the undercurrent of tension in the room. Seeing no way to refuse her without making everyone uncomfortable, he decided that it was better to bite the bullet and just get it over with.

Tina followed him downstairs and they began to walk towards the wine and liquor store that they had been frequenting the past few months because the clerk didn’t look too hard at their fake I.D.s. They walked in silence at first, Kurt not wanting to start a conversation and Tina clearly trying to figure out what to say to him. It hurt Kurt, because they were so close at one time. Of all the friends that he’d lost, she was one that bothered him the most.

“I didn’t know you applied to NYU,” he finally broached when the silence between them became too uncomfortable. “Blaine didn’t mention it when he was here.”

She pursed her lips and nodded. “Blaine and I… we’re really not on speaking terms right now,” she admitted with a trace of regret. “After Mr. Schu’s wedding… we started drifting apart.”

She shook her head. “No, that’s not right. I think that I just started seeing more of who he really is instead of who I wanted him to be. I realized that I was using him as a substitute boyfriend and he…” She paused and forced back the bite she still felt when she realized just what their “friendship” constituted. “He was just using me.”

Kurt inhaled and nodded. “He… does tend to do that.”

She adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder and looked down at her sandaled feet. “I’ve wanted to talk to you so much since I saw you, because I have to apologize. I treated you so badly at the wedding and you didn’t deserve that from me.”

Kurt looked at her and watched as she wiped at her eyes.

“It’s just… the past year was so hard,” she explained. “All of my closest friends graduated and Mike broke up with me before he even left. That was bad enough, but I thought that it would finally be me time to shine and instead I ended up being ignored again. I guess that I just latched onto Blaine because I had nothing else going for me and I… I just kind of lost my mind.”

Kurt didn’t respond immediately because while he sympathized with her situation, having been there himself, that didn’t excuse her treatment of him.

She then pause and shook her head. “It’s not an excuse to how I treated you, but all I could see is that you were turning down someone who wouldn’t look twice at me the way I wanted. Seeing you at the wedding and getting that verbal smack down… it woke me up.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling a bit. “I’m good at that,” he admitted.

Tina gave him a shy smile. “Yes, you are. I missed seeing you do that to people. But being on the receiving end isn’t quite as much fun. Even though I totally deserved it.”

“You kinda did,” Kurt agreed. He looked at her archly. “Is that why you tried to warn me about Blaine?”

She nodded. “I didn’t want him to blindside you. I knew he was going to try to make trouble and wanted to at least give you a heads up. I don’t think I can blame you for ignoring me.”

Kurt didn’t answer her immediately, considering his options here carefully. He’d missed his friendship with Tina and she’d been one of his best friends for a long time. Their estrangement had hurt him, that she would chose his ex over him despite all they’d been to one another. Tina’s regret was obvious and while he was reluctant to leave himself open to being hurt again, he didn’t want to lose anything else to Blaine.

“Rachel says that you and Adam are doing really well,” Tina said gently, giving him a soft smile. “I’m really happy for you. You really deserve to have someone treating you well after putting up with Blaine for so long.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at the thought of his boyfriend. “Thanks,” he said sincerely. “He’s been great. It’s going to be interesting to see how things go now that he’s graduated. I guess we’ll be working out a lot of stuff over the summer.”

Tina moved as if to take his hand but stopped herself. She hadn’t earned that privilege yet.

“Well, I think that we’ll have plenty of time to talk and catch up on things,” he offered. “Since you’ll be going to school here. I mean… NYU isn’t that far from NYADA. And I know a few people at NYU now.”

Tina’s eyes teared up at the realization that he was at least being willing to give her the opportunity. “Thank you,” she said sincerely, wiping at her face.

Kurt offered her a gentle smile and took her hand in his. “It’s okay, Tina,” he assured her with as much sincerity as he could manage. “I think that we’ll be okay. Just give it a little time.”

Inside the wine shop, Tina looked about at the wide assortment. “What do you think?” she asked. “White or red?”

“Oh… white. Definitely. Maybe a rosé too,” Kurt decided, leading her to the refrigerated cabinet where the chilled wines were kept. After perusing the available options, he pulled out a few bottles and handed two of them to Tina. After picking out a few more bottles they made their way to the cashier where Kurt’s I.D. barely garnered more than a cursory glance.

They returned to the loft with their ill-gotten gain, Kurt announcing, “We’re back, and we come bearing Riesling.”

“Oh… yum,” Rachel said appreciatively, getting out some of their cheap wineglasses.

Artie watched with wide as Kurt poured for everyone and handed him a glass, even though none of them were legally of drinking age. “Do you do this all the time?” he asked, taking a sip.

Santana shrugged. “It’s not a big deal,” she insisted. “I mean, all of us are too busy to be drinking all the time, but we do enjoy a glass when we have the chance.”

“Welcome to New York,” Rachel chirped brightly. “This is one of the perks of being an adult out in the world.”

Tina shrugged and took a sip, her eyebrow raised appreciatively. “It’s a shame the dorms are really strict about this kind of thing,” she mused.

“It’s a shame about the dorms, period,” Artie added.

“That bad?” Kurt asked sympathetically.

Artie shrugged. “They’re technically handicapped accessible, but that’s about it,” he explained. “The rooms are okay and I should be able to manage in the showers by myself if I get a shower chair and no one moves it.”

Tina offered him a reassuring smile, taking his hand. “And it kind of sucks that he’ll be here in Brooklyn while I’ll be in Manhattan. We’re not going to see much of one another.”

Artie looked about the loft with a hint of ill-concealed longing. “It’s a shame that we can’t afford a place like this,” he mused. “It’s so open and I can get around easily. And it’s not far from school at all.”

Rachel’s eyes brightened as a thought came into her head. “Guys… I think I have an idea.”

Santana looked down into her glass, as if to find comfort there. “Uh oh… think we need to be worried about this,” she chuckled, tossing back the last of her wine and holding the glass out for Kurt to refill.

“No, seriously,” Rachel insisted. She looked to Artie and Tina. “Why don’t you both move in here? The rent isn’t too steep and it’s cheaper than the dorms with all of us splitting the costs. You said it yourself; it’s really easy for Artie to get around. And there are people around to help.”

“Uh, Rachel… don’t you think that’s going to really make the place crowded,” Kurt asked, not wanting to be the voice of reason but seeing that he needed to. “Not that it’s not something we shouldn’t consider, but we’ve already got three people living here and we just finally got Santana off the couch. Making two more sleeping areas is going to really tighten things up. Not to mention that we’ve only got one bathroom.”

Tina tried to hide her disappointment at Kurt’s reluctance. “Artie and I can share a space,” she insisted, looking to her boyfriend for confirmation. “I mean, we don’t need much.”

Kurt sighed, not seeing an easy solution. While the loft was spacious, it felt just perfect for the three people who already lived there. That didn’t say that there weren’t downsides. They had only one bathroom, which often meant a rush in the morning for everyone to have a chance to wash and brush their teeth before starting the day. Adding another two people into the mix, especially someone who would need additional time like Artie, would make it pretty much impossible.

He hated to be the bad guy in this, but he wouldn’t be doing his friends any favors by agreeing to a living arrangement that would leave everyone harried and miserable. He turned to the refrigerator, wondering if they had any cheese left that he could put out for snacking.

Rachel came up quietly to him, and he very much hoped that she wasn’t going to try to argue him into something that he knew just wouldn’t work.

She sighed and placed her arm about his waist, leaning in. “Kurt… I know that you think I’m jumping the gun here, but there was something that I don’t think you considered. I know that you’ve been thinking about moving in with Adam,” she said carefully, not wanting to look like she was trying to force him out. “You already spend most of your time there. I don’t think he’d object to having you to himself full time.”

He paused, looking down at her strangely. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d want me to move out,” he said thoughtfully.

She paused, giving him a loving smile. “I don’t,” she admitted. “But I know that it’s what you want and it would be really good for you to start building a life with him. And it’s not like I won’t be seeing you at school every day and you won’t be coming to visit.”

She squeezed him tightly, wanting for him to see that she really had his best interests at heart. “I think this can really be good for all of us,” she insisted. “I know that you didn’t talk about moving out because you didn’t want to leave us in the lurch, so this is a perfect solution.”

Kurt thought about it briefly, knowing that she was right. And while he would never had expected her to be the one to push him into making this choice, having her do so made it a lot easier.

“I’ll have to talk to Adam before we make any final decisions, but I don’t think he’d object too much,” he chuckled. “And we have to find a bigger place, because his apartment is just too small for us over the long haul.”

He inhaled sharply when it struck him just how momentous this really was. “We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” he couldn’t help from asking.

Rachel nodded and hugged him again. “Yeah, I think we are. Should we tell them the good news?”

Kurt nodded and the two of them returned to the main area where the others were waiting for him, his arm firmly about Rachel’s shoulders. “Okay… Rachel and I came up with a solution,” Kurt advised. “It’s been pointed out to me that I need to shack up with my boyfriend and this means that I can let Tina and Artie take my space if that works out. So long as you’re willing to work out a bathroom schedule, you should be able to manage. We’d just need to let the landlord know about the change and I’ll sign over the lease to Rachel and Santana.”

Artie and Tina looked stunned at the turn of events. “Kurt, are you sure?” the younger man asked carefully. “We didn’t come here to put you out of your home.”

Kurt felt a momentary pang at the thought of leaving the loft. He loved this space and it became the home that he and Rachel had built for themselves together. It had been his refuge and place to retreat to as he carved out his place in New York. Finding it had been his first step in becoming an adult on his own.

He realized that leaving the loft was his next step. Because the idea of waking up next to Adam every morning outweighed what he was losing. And he really wasn’t losing anything, he saw.

“It really is,” he assured them, unable to hide his smile. “Adam and I have talked about it, but I couldn’t abandon the girls. You two coming means that they can keep the loft.

“In fact, I’m going to let Adam know right now.” Kurt got out his cell phone and climbed out onto the fire escape where he could have a bit of privacy. Adam picked up after a few rings and greeted Kurt cheerfully.

“Hello, love. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you quite so soon.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at the sound of his voice. “I just missed you,” he admitted. “Where are your folks?”

“They’re back at the hotel having a bit of a rest. It’s been a rather busy day and I can do with a nap myself,” Adam admitted.

“And they do want to see you before they leave tomorrow. I was thinking about taking them to Callbacks. Mum is rather disgruntled that she hasn’t had the chance to hear you sing yet.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling at Adam’s teasing, but he knew that it was only slightly playful. Ellie Crawford had made her fondness for him very clear during their visit and was dropping very unsubtle hints about him singing for her. Unfortunately for her, between the graduation ceremony and time spent reconnecting with their son, there hadn’t been the opportunity.

“That will be nice,” Kurt said agreeably. “I’d like to see them again before they leave.”

He could almost feel Adam smiling over the phone. “I wanted to thank you for being so kind to them. And so patient with me the past few days. I’ve been completely barmy since they got here.”

Kurt wished he was there to hold Adam, knowing full well how it felt to be so far from your family. The family that they were building in New York wasn’t always a perfect substitute. He didn’t begrudge Adam’s lack of attention on him in the least.

“It’s okay, honey,” Kurt said gently. “I know that it’s hard being so far away from them.”

“It’s all right,” Adam insisted. “I’ve got a good life here. I’ve got my friends and I’ve got you. But maybe over your winter break we can take a few days and take a trip to England. I’d love to show you where I grew up, and you can meet all my childhood mates.”

“That sounds like a great idea. We’ll definitely plan something,” Kurt promised. “Listen, would it be okay with asking a few other people to join us at Callbacks? We’ve got some friends visiting from out of town that I wasn’t expecting.”

“Oh? Anyone I should be jealous of?” Adam teased.

“Just Artie and Tina. They’re coming to school here in the fall so they wanted to check things out.”

Adam was silent for a moment, clearly remembering Tina from the wedding. “Are you okay with them being there, love?” he asked, not hiding his concern.

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at the quick support from his boyfriend. “It’s okay,” he assured Adam, knowing that he’d by on the subway and headed for Bushwick if Kurt gave the slightest indication that he was needed. “Tina and I talked and we’re… we’ll see how things work out between us. She’s really sorry and tried to warn me about Blaine, so I at least owe her the chance to try.”

“If you’re okay with that, sweetheart,” Adam said, leaving the matter entirely up to him. “Don’t feel obligated to do anything that you’re not comfortable with.” Again, Kurt got a reminder of why he had grown to love Adam. Rather than trying to manage his younger lover, he offered his support and advice but knew how to step back and be sure that Kurt knew what was best for himself.

But now to the matter at hand. “Anyway… there was something I wanted to talk to you about. Tina and Artie are going to need a place to stay that will work with Artie’s wheelchair and the dorms at his school aren’t so great. So we were thinking that if they move into the loft, I can move out and not have to worry about Rachel and Santana. If you can think of some alternate arrangements for me, that is…” He trailed off, not wanting to presume and leaving the final matter up to his boyfriend.

Adam didn’t answer immediately and Kurt felt himself biting his lower lip, wondering if this was just a step too far and Adam was having doubts. Trying to think of a way to backtrack, Adam’s answer was everything he could have hoped for.

“Well, I do know someone who wouldn’t mind getting a roommate,” Adam chuckled. “If you don’t mind close quarters, that is.”

Kurt smiled, feeling a surge of warmth running through him. “Not at all,” he assured his boyfriend. “Though I wouldn’t be averse to finding something with a bit more space at some point.”

“I think that we could work something out,” Adam assured him. “I’m not going to lie… this made me very happy, darling.”

Kurt could practically hear him smiling over the phone. “Me too,” he insisted. “We’ll talk more… get some real plans…”

“That sounds wonderful,” Adam said brightly, his happiness readily apparent in his voice. “I wish that I could come over there right now, but…”

“I’ll see you tonight,” Kurt chuckled. “We’ll meet you at… how about eight?”

“That sounds perfect,” Adam agreed. “I’d better get going, sweetheart. I promised my folks to take them sightseeing a little later.”

“Have a good time,” Kurt ordered playfully. “Call me if you need a rescue.”

Hanging up the phone, Kurt found himself unable to hide the bright smile on his face. He looked down at the city street beneath him, taking in the sights that had become so familiar in the past months. It wouldn’t be long before he would have a new environment to settle into and make his own. A new neighborhood would become his and he’d discover the best pizza shops and take out places.

His life was continuing to expand and change. There was no way for him to know where he would finally end up, but for the first time in many years he was happy where he was and excited about what the future might hold for him.

* * *

Tina and Artie were happy to tag along to Callbacks, having no other plans and wanting to see where many of the theater students in New York hung out. Kurt had to admit that while he still had some misgivings about their presence, it was fun to see them showing the same wide-eyed astonishment as he had that places like this actually existed and weren’t just things that they might see on television. After being so insulated and isolated in Lima, New York was going to be a wonderful awakening to the both of them.

Adam and his parents were already there when they arrived and his boyfriend greeted Kurt with a sound kiss. Ellie quickly grabbed Kurt away from him, hugging him to her breast and making it clear that she had no intention of relinquishing him before she had to.

“Mum… seriously?” Adam sighed, trying to coax her into releasing his boyfriend.

“Sweetheart, he just got here,” her husband admonished playfully, amused at her antics. “Give the boy a chance to settle in.”

“No! We’re leaving tomorrow and I need my time with him because who knows when we’ll see him again,” Ellie complained, keeping her grip on Kurt. He was all but sitting in her lap. She turned to her son and complained, “I mean, you both might even break up and I’ll never see him again!”

“Mum… please…”

She pouted teasingly, and finally released Kurt was clear reluctance. “All right… here you go. But you have to promise that you’ll sing for us!” she ordered. “We haven’t heard you once the whole time we were here.”

“I promise,” Kurt said sincerely, unable to keep the amused smile off of his face. He let Adam pull him back, as if Adam needed to check him for injury or fingerprints.

“Well, now that my parents have totally embarrassed me, let me introduce everyone,” Adam sighed dramatically. “These lovely ladies are Rachel and Santana, Kurt’s roommates.”

“And these are some friends of ours from Ohio,” Kurt explained, introducing Artie and Tina. “They’re both going to be coming to school in New York in September.”

Ellie nodded graciously, taking her husband’s hand. “It’s lovely to meet all of you.”

They pushed the two tables the Crawfords had reserved together squeezed in a few extra chairs, mindful about making space for Artie. Tina looked about the crowded room in awe. “It’s so crowded here,” she noted.

“It’s not too unusual for a weeknight,” Kurt advised her. “Lots of students, lots of office workers looking for a few drinks and free entertainment before going home. It can be a lot of fun.”

Rachel nodded enthusiastically. “And we get to try out different material and arrangements. Sometimes it’s nice just to sing when we know we aren’t going to be graded. I leaned that from someone very special.” She turned a fond look to Kurt and gave his hand a squeeze.

“This sounds great,” Artie said agreeably.

Adam made sure that Kurt was sitting closer than was probably entirely necessary, even with the close confines, least his mother try to steal him away. “Well, before we start with the musical merry making, Kurt and I have some news,” he informed his parents. “He’s agreed to move in and share my humble abode with me.”

“Until we find a bigger apartment,” Kurt clarified.

Adam’s mother seemed stunned at the news, her mouth dropping open in surprise. “Oh dear… you’re not fibbing, are you?” she asked. “You shouldn’t get my hopes up like this.”

Adam shook his head, holding Kurt close. “No, Mum. It’s something we’ve discussed but now the stars have aligned in our favor. But more to the point, we’re both ready to take this step.”

The older woman’s eyes began to glimmer as their news sunk in. “Boys, I’m so happy for the both of you,” she insisted happily, clasping her hands together in front of her.

“This calls for a celebration,” Adam’s father proclaimed. He quickly checked the wine list on the table and waved a hostess over. “Can you bring us two bottles of the Perrier Jouet?”

“Dad, you don’t have to do that,” Adam started, only to be cut off by his father hand waving away his protests.

“Nonsense. We have a lot to commemorate here. Your graduation, the two of you moving on with your lives. These two coming to New York to start school in the fall…” Peter gestured at Artie and Tina. “This should be celebrated.”

“I’m glad you’re both so happy about this,” Kurt mused. “Because my dad is going take a lot of convincing. At least Carole will take our side until he calms down.”

Peter Crawford chuckled warmly, amused at the despondent look on his son’s face at the prospect of an overprotective in-law to deal with. “He’s out to defend your virtue?” he joked.

“Papa bear is a little late for that,” Santana snarked, her dark eyes shimmering will ill-hidden amusement. “Not with the way these two keep us up some nights.”

Rachel couldn’t help from giggling at Kurt’s sharp stare at their friend, knowing better than to add her own commentary about lost sleep and keeping her mouth shut.

“I think that I’m going add my name to the sign up list,” Kurt proclaimed, hoping to change the subject from his sex life. He looked to his boyfriend. “Do you want me to add you?”

“I already did so, love,” Adam answered, his thumb rubbing at Kurt’s hand soothingly. Santana never failed to get Kurt’s hackles up with her sharp barbs. “You go ahead.”

Kurt nodded and turned to his roommates. “You two coming? Or do you plan to sit here all night and chuckle at my expense?” he teased.

Rachel nodded and got up. “I’m not passing up on a chance to sing.”

“And I need to practice some stuff for work,” Santana added.

With the trio heading towards the bar to put their names on the list to perform, Adam tried to make small talk to keep his parents occupied and make the newcomers feel welcome. He couldn’t help from glancing over to where Kurt and his girls were debating song choices, offering and rejecting suggestions with a lot of smiles and laughter. He couldn’t help from smiling at the sight of his lover looking so happy and at ease with himself.

His smile didn’t go unnoticed and he felt a slender hand touch his arm. “Adam? Can I speak with you for a moment?” Tina requested softly. “I just need a minute.”

Adam wondered what was on her mind. His interactions with her at the wedding were limited, but he remembered how wrapped up she was with Blaine and had made Kurt very uncomfortable. He tried not to think badly of her but the last thing he would tolerate was his Kurt being abused.

Kurt hadn’t seemed terribly bothered by her presence, if not overly warm, so he could assume that they’d made some sort of peace. It wouldn’t cost him anything to hear her out. Turning to his parents, he said, “Tina and I will be right back. Don’t let them start without us.”

The young girl followed him to a quiet spot by the coat room and he turned to face her. “So… you and Kurt have patched things up between the two of you?” he asked.

“I apologized to him,” she assured him. “There was no excusing my behavior and I’m hoping that one day we’ll be the kind of friends we were before he left Ohio.

“But I also wanted to apologize to you as well. I behaved so badly and so disrespectfully, and I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.”

Adam blinked in surprise, having not expected that. “That’s…. quite a surprise,” he claimed. “I mean, I don’t remember us speaking very much, if at all.”

Tina just shrugged. “I still felt that I owed you an apology too. I didn’t behave well towards you or Kurt, and I wasn’t respectful of your relationship. I thought that Kurt owed Blaine another chance and I was really rude to him. I just wanted you to know that I do understand just how wrong I was and that I will never do that to Kurt again.”

He had to give her credit for having the courage to admit her mistakes and to make the effort to approach him. “That’s very mature of you, Tina,” he complimented sincerely. “And so long as things are well between you and Kurt, I won’t have any issues.”

The young woman smiled and for the first time Adam could see the pretty, shy girl that Kurt had described to him. “Thanks. But I do want to get to know you too,” she insisted. “You’re so important to Kurt and I want to see if we can try to be friends too. Because I know I didn’t show it, but he means so much to me.”

Adam felt himself nodding, willing to give her that. “I think we can manage that. That would make Kurt happy, that I got along with his friends.”

“That’s important to me too,” Tina insisted. “I already hurt him more than I ever thought I could and the last thing I’d ever want is to do that again.”

Adam gave her a smile. “Well, you know Kurt at least as well as I do. Give him a bit of time and I’m sure that you’ll have the chance to really win back his trust.”

Adam knew that would not be an easy task for Tina, as Kurt did not give back trust so quickly once it was broken. Kurt had been very hurt by Tina’s behavior, but Adam knew that he was also fair minded. If Tina proved herself, in time, Kurt would be able to really forgive her mistakes and move past them. He just hoped that she wouldn’t expect too much too quickly.

She nodded and gave him a thankful smile. “I really appreciate this,” she said softly.

“It’s quite all right, love,” he assured her kindly. “Let’s head back before they wonder if we’ve run off together.”

“Oh no… I’m not giving Kurt any other reason to be upset with me,” she chuckled a little tearfully. With a gentle hand to her back, Adam lead her back to their table where the waitress was setting out two buckets of ice and expertly opening up the bottles that his father had ordered.

Kurt and his girls had returned by then and his boyfriend looked up at their approach. “Where were you two?” he asked.

“Oh, I was just showing Tina where the facilities are,” Adam said quickly, allowing the young girl to keep her dignity and not answer uncomfortable questions right there. He accepted a glass of sparkling wine from the waitress.

Once everyone had been served, his father raised his glass in toast. “All of you are embarking on wonderful new phases of your lives,” he said. “I wish you all good fortune, good health and much happiness. Cheers.”

The group answered him back before sampling the wine and Kurt’s eyes opened a bit at the tart bubbles that danced over his tongue. He hadn’t really enjoyed champagne the few times he’d had it, finding it too dry and acidic for his tastes. This vintage was much better, with just enough sweetness to balance out the tartness and he realized that really good champagne was well worth enjoying when he had the opportunity. Or maybe it was just the company that made the wine sweeter.

The evening progressed pleasantly, with the group making small talk and discussing plans for the summer. Kurt felt a bit more at least with the presence of the younger students, and Artie and Tina asked if they minded the two of them visiting before the school term started in the fall. They wanted a chance to explore a bit more of the city and reconnect the friendships that had faded from time and distance.

Kurt found himself unable to begrudge them that chance and invited them to come see Adam and him perform at the festival. That got Rachel insisting that the younger students come see Santana and her perform at the piano bar and before Artie and Tina knew it, they had a full social calendar planned out.

They settled in to enjoy the musical entertainment, and Kurt saw that NYADA was well represented by the performers that night. There were several familiar faces in the crowd that he and Rachel waved to and it felt good to support their fellows in even as casual an environment as this. Given the careers that they had chosen, competition would be a regular feature in their lives and to have a refuge like this reminded them that performing could just be for fun too. That just because it would be their jobs, they didn’t want to lose their passion for it.

Rachel and Santana had elected to do a duet together, their voices balancing one another out beautifully in a gorgeous rendition of “Some Things Are Meant to Be” from Little Women. Kurt closed his eyes, leaning into Adam and just taking pleasure in hearing his friends do what they were best at. The girls finished to rousing applause and cheers from an appreciative audience and they returned to the table a little breathless and all but glowing with happiness.

When Kurt’s name was called, he gave his lover a coy wink before stepping up to the piano.

“Wow… those two are a tough act to follow,” he said, complimenting his friends, who applauded him loudly. Kurt smiled at them and then addressed the audience. “I was asked quite awhile ago if I had a song in mind for a certain someone in my life. I admitted to a few, and that one day I would sing one of them to him.

“Adam… wherever our lives take us, nothing will change how much you’ve come to mean to me. And help shape me into who I am today.”

Kurt nodded to the pianist, who began to play the music Kurt had selected. He thought that people might be surprised by his choice, but to him nothing else fit Adam better.

“Cold late night so long ago, when I was not so strong, you know. A pretty man came to me. Never seen eyes so blue.”

That was the first thing Kurt always thought about when he thought of Adam after their first meeting. Sure, Adam was handsome in a way that took Kurt’s breath, and had a beautifully fit body. But it was those gentle blue eyes alight with humor and kindness that had gotten Kurt to unclench enough to seek out the Apples and listen to that ridiculous song. Despite not knowing Adam at all, Kurt found himself trusting the older man and wanting to know more about him.

“I could not run away. It seemed we’d seen each other in a dream,” Kurt sang, letting a little bit of heat color his voice. “It seemed like he knew me. He looked right through me… yeah…

“’Come on home, boy,’ he said with a smile.” Kurt made a teasing, beckoning gesture, as much to lure Adam as it was to reflect the pull he’d felt those months ago. “You don’t have to love me yet. Let’s get high awhile.”

And that had been the best part of the early phase of their relationship, Kurt realized. Adam might have been attracted to him, but he didn’t ask for any more than Kurt was willing and able to give. Had Kurt only wished for his friendship, Adam would have made himself satisfied with that. After being so relentlessly pressured by Blaine since Kurt ended things with him, it was a novelty to just enjoy the time he shared with Adam.

“But try to understand… Try, try, try to understand… I'm a magic man.’”

He saw the instant that his friends realized what he was implying and Adam’s face colored at the realization that this was how Kurt saw him. Kurt didn’t think that any of his friends had ever heard him sing such a blatantly sexual song. Santana turned a smile that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a shark to the Englishman, giving him a playful nudge. Rachel was positively beaming and grabbing at Adam’s hand while Adam’s parents were watching in delight.

Kurt closed his eyes, thinking back to those early days in their relationship when he was still struggling to figure things out. The scars from his relationship with Blaine were still fresh and bleeding, but he had so much pleasure with Adam, who accepting their relationship on whatever grounds Kurt was content to set. They started off as friends, but the relationship quickly deepened and before Kurt knew it, he couldn’t imagine his life without that smiling, gentle man at his side.

“Winter nights we sang in tune, played inside the months of moon,” he sang, remembering those blissful early easy days, when classes might be cancelled because of snow and he found himself ensconced in the warm confines of the loft with Adam. Music and play began to bind them together and Kurt’s bruised heart began to heal. “Never think of never. Let this spell last forever.

“Well summer lover, passed to fall,” Kurt crooned, seeing that as the seasons passed, their relationship deepened and matured. “Tried to realize it all. Papa says he’s worried. Growing up in a hurry. Yeah…”

His father hadn’t been as enthusiastic about Kurt’s new relationship, concerned that his son was biting off more than he could chew by getting involved with someone several years his senior and light-years ahead if Blaine in regards to maturity. With Kurt living away from home, he wasn’t in a position to monitor Kurt’s relationships and finding his son involved with an older, more seasoned man had been a challenge for him to deal with.

“’Come on home, boy’ Daddy cried on the phone. ‘Too soon to lose my baby yet, my boy should be at home’.”

Kurt had long since accepted that his father’s over-protectiveness was not something that would likely ever go away completely. He could be forty years old, with a mantle covered with acting awards and a flock of his own children at his feet and he’d still be Burt Hummel’s little boy. That was something that just wasn’t ever going to change.

“But try to understand. Try to understand. Try, try, try to understand. He's a magic man, Daddy,” he proclaimed. “Ahhh… He's a magic man.”

Adam was indeed magic to him. Gentle and loving and supportive; more than willing to be a partner to him but not afraid of Kurt’s less charming qualities. He could stand up to Kurt and challenge him without belittling him the way Blaine did. Kurt felt like he could be his best self, not try to be something that he wasn’t.

“’Come on home, boy’ He said with a smile.” Kurt looked to Adam, letting his love for this man shine in his eyes. “’I cast my spell of love on you, a grown man from a child’.

“But try to understand. Try to understand! Ohh ohh! Try, try to understand!” His voice rode on the music, totally giving in to showing his love and passion for his boyfriend. “Try, try, try to understand! He's a magic man!

“Oh yeah…. Ohhh… He’s got magic hands….”

The audience hooted and applauded and Kurt couldn’t resist giving a little shimmy of his shoulders, winking at Adam. The older man just grinned, his cheeks bright with color because Kurt just proclaimed to everyone in the club that he rocked Kurt’s world on a regular basis. Tina’s mouth was drawn tight as she struggled not to giggle and Artie just shook his head in bemusement.

Kurt returned to the table to a round of applause from his friends and the Crawfords and his boyfriend giving him a wry smile. “That was very naughty of you,” he reprimanded playfully, giving Kurt a swat to his bottom before he could sit down.

Kurt wasn’t at all apologetic. “I just wanted to show what I feel about you,” he insisted, giving Adam his most innocent expression.

“So now the world knows that I have ‘magic hands’. That wasn’t exactly something my parents need to know.”

Kurt wasn’t at all apologetic, content to nestle in his boyfriend’s arms as they enjoyed the rest of the evening. He’d said what he needed to and was content to just enjoy the company of those around him. He felt Adam’s hand stroke his hair and his boyfriend’s lips pressing a kiss to his temple.

Several hours later found him in Adam’s bed, curled up around his sleeping lover. He’d elected to spend the night with Adam so he could see the Crawfords off the next day. In the dim light peeking through the binds, Kurt watched Adam sleep, his handsome face slack in repose as he slept soundly. Kurt just smiled as he looked down at Adam’s face.

Maybe later, he’d take some time to think about all the momentous changes his life had undergone in the past few months. How he had changed and grown. He would look back upon his life and see the long progression of events, good and bad, that lead him to this place.

But not now. For now, Kurt just wanted to savor the moment of peace and security he felt. The past and the future would take care of themselves. Right now, he just needed to be. And to breathe.

**FIN**

#kadam fic #kurt hummel #adam crawford #rachel berry #santana lopez #cassandra july #tina cohen chang #artie abrams #original characters #nyada #oh my god I can't believe it's finally finished!!!#just breathe

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