#Prophylactic brushes

[goshyesvintageads]

Florence Manufacturing Co, 1922

[thecatmotif]

Okay picture a world in which only the last loop was included in the episode. From 34:17, a six minute episode, with all the glitches, all the name cards, Siobhan reciting the html code, the points, the spaghetti… the “yes” they understand how the game works. The podium prophylactic. Barely showing any of the questions. “You’re my public enemy #1”. The question of “are sequels viable” with the (no repeats). The all-variable equation. I could go on, but you get it. You understand. We would be even more stirred into a frenzy than we are now. The theories would be insane, especially if the preceding loops were only released much later, and only brushed over in the bts

That world would be beautiful

[bullet-prooflove]

The Man On The Hill: Vince Leone x Reader

Tagging: @muligatorrr @kmc1989 @keyweegirlie @unknown6669991 @caffeinatedwoman @thebejeweledwatercat @yousigned-upforthiss @zippeylay @@humongoussharktyrant @vaneyvfs @@elenkafoxik @@choppedgalaxynerd @lokiwife2021 @@apsolutno-nista @@russiantabby @@hatska-the-dragon @coldmidnightlights @toheavenwmydrms @thatanimalmom

Companion piece to One Night - You're the first woman after Sharon.

Vince can’t pretend he doesn’t know what you look like underneath that sheriff’s uniform. That he hasn’t seen the scar on your right shoulder that looks like a bullet wound or traced his lips over the tattoo on your thigh. Whenever you're in any sort of proximity he can’t help but remember the night the two of you spent together. His calloused palms roving all over your body, the taste of your honey on his tongue, that sweet little noise you made for him when you climaxed.

You’ve lit a fire in him that will just not be sated and he thinks you feel it too.

The first time he invites you over, he fucks you on the couch. There’s a wordless agreement between you that the bedroom is off limits. That was his wife’s domain and there’s no space for her in the shit the two of you get up to together. When you fall asleep, he holds you close, his face buried in your hair as his fingertips stroke through it. It’s been a long time since he’s had a goodnight’s sleep but when he wakes up the next morning with a crick in his back, he feels more well rested than he has in years.

Vince doesn’t intend for it to become a regular thing but it does. Sunday nights he cooks at his place, Wednesdays you order take out at yours. There’s usually some fooling around in between depending whose on call and when.

It’s only when he’s shopping for condoms two towns over that realises the madness of it all. You’ve have been seeing each other for over six months at this point, there’s commitment there, love. Why the hell is he still hiding it?

He thinks of Sharon on the drive back, the conversation they had before she’d collapsed at the Fire Camp Cookout.

“Promise me you won’t become that grumpy old fire chief that lives on the hill.” She’d requested, her hands clasping his so tightly he thought her fingers might break. “That you’ll live your life, try to move on, be happy.”

“There is no happy without you.” He’d told her, his thumb chasing over the wedding band on her finger.

“Vince, I know you won’t deny a dying woman her final wish.” She had said, giving him that look. “You need to make me this promise.”

So he had because his wife was dying and he would have given her anything in that moment. Twelve hours later she was gone and he had become that man on the hill. He had been that man for over three years before he met you.

“I want people to know.” He tells you later that night. The two of you are curled up on the couch together, a blanket draped over your legs because it gets a little cold up here during the winter. His arm is wrapped around your shoulders, holding you close as his lips brush over your temple. “I don’t want this to be a secret anymore.”

“That is a bell you can’t unring.” You remind him, your palm coming to rest on the space where his heart resides.

“I know.” He tells you. “But we’re getting serious and I’m sick of going out of town to buy prophylactics.”

You laugh and that sound, Jesus he didn’t realise just how much he loved it until this moment.

“I’m crazy about you.” He finds himself telling you, his lips brushing over yours. “Absolutely crazy."

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[thatchronicfeeling]

Low Cost Stuff That May Help If You Get Covid

Brush your teeth as usual (+ floss if that's something you do)

Mouthwash (things you could use: CPC mouthwash; cooled green tea; salt water) cpc = cetylpyridinium chloride, an ingredient in many/most commercial mouthwashes

Green Tea (drink on an empty stomach if possible; can also be used for swishing/gargling once it has cooled; if green tea isn't doable for you, black tea is an alternative)

Nasal Spray (if chemicals in nasal spray causing an issue for you, saline nasal spray also an option)

Vitamin C supplement

Antihistamine

Other prophylactics to consider: Nattokinase, Grape Seed Extract, EGCG supplements

Natto (if this is something you already eat, or would like to try. It's fermented soya beans and is popular in Japan, although I think there's a similar dish in Korea. I'd love to try this, but can't digest beans!)

The idea with all of this stuff is that it may work to reduce viral load in the hope of minimising symptoms. And your chance of developing Long Covid. These things may also help reduce/minimise some symptoms, if you have Long Covid already. I've been following this closely because I have severe ME and POTS and there's a big overlap. I have learned a lot from LongCovidPharmD, who has a great (free) substack, which shares research-based info on what might help: https://substack.com/profile/2921065-longcovidpharmd LongCovidPharmD emphasises safety re. dosages and potential interactions if you're already on any meds. **Just to include that this isn't medical advice and I'm not a medical doctor. Just a disabled person who wants us all to survive.**

[pierayanna]

COVID-19

We are currently in the largest COVID surge of all-time in the US.

There is also a new variant that is not protected by the previous vaccine.

Please start back masking and please get the COVID-19 booster (schedule with your local pharmacy).

Wastewater counts are obscenely high right now, belying the official case numbers. Considering that we've stopped collecting or reporting most COVID data, wastewater is the best way we have to judge the actual infection rate now. Wastewater is collected from washing our hands, going the bathroom, etc. We shed COVID into the water system and based on the concentration of COVID in waste water, we can get very accurate estimates of how many people are infected at one time.

We are currently seeing ten million new infections a week, and can expect that to greatly increase within the next three weeks.

* If you've stopped masking, please start again, for your own safety and the safety of your community. Many hospital systems are already trending toward being overwhelmed right now; wear a mask when in crowded, enclosed, or poorly ventilated areas, and keep a safe distance from others, as feasible.

* Avoid unnecessary gatherings where possible.

* Ventilate your spaces well (Corsi-Rosenthal Box).

* Reevaluate casual habits (touching face, respiratory etiquette—covering coughs and sneezes, clean your hands regularly, stay home if you are sick, get tested if you have symptoms, or if you might have been exposed to someone with COVID-19 or influenza)

Please be aware of Long Covid.

COVID impacts the immune system similar to HIV in that it hides in the body and continues to wreak havoc in the various organ system by driving inflammation and disrupting the immune response. It causes neurological, vascular, and immune dysfunction.

Patients with long COVID generally have symptoms that fall into three categories or phenotypes: fatigue, neurocognitive symptoms such as brain fog or headaches, and cardiovascular symptoms such as shortness of breath, heart arrythmias, exercise intolerance, and blood clots. Patients may have more than one type, and some also have symptoms like constipation, diarrhea, or loss of taste and smell that don’t seem to fit neatly into one of the three groups.

This is a period where we need to act with more care. Not a time to panic, but a time to be more cautious.

If you contract COVID, these are some helpful things that work to reduce viral load in the hope of minimising symptoms. And your chance of developing Long Covid:

* Brush & floss as usual

* Mouthwash (CPC (cetylpyridinium chloride, an ingredient in many/most commercial mouthwashes), cooled green tea, salt water)

* Green Tea (drink on an empty stomach if possible; can also be used for swishing/gargling once it has cooled; if green tea isn't doable for you, black tea is an alternative)

* Nasal Spray (if chemicals in nasal spray causing an issue for you, saline nasal spray also an option)

* Vitamin C supplement

* Antihistamines

* Other prophylactics to consider: Nattokinase, Grape Seed Extract, EGCG supplements

* Natto (if this is something you already eat, or would like to try. It's fermented soya beans and is popular in Japan

* Mask & Vaccinate!! A fully vaccinated individual is five times less likely to continue to have any symptoms or ill-effects three months after their initial infection compared to someone who has not been vaccinated.

Not a medical professional but compiled resources from medical professionals and individuals with disabilities including long COVID.

Free Palestine. Free Congo. Free Sudan. Free Tigray. Stop Cop City. Eyes on the Mass Graves in Jackson.

Please SHARE & Please participate in the Global Strike for Palestine 1.21-1.28.

[monkeyssalad-blog]

Pro-phy-lac-tic Tooth Brushes - 1890c by jim goodyear Via Flickr: Teeth Prophylactic Toothbrush a product of the Florence Manufacturing Co. 1890c 'Good Teeth Are Woman's Greatest Attraction' ??? 'The Genuine is Always Sold in a Yellow Box'

[rinconfamilydentistry]

Get a Healthier Smile by Getting Your Teeth Professionally Cleaned

At Rincon Family Dentistry, we’re all about helping you maintain a healthy, confident smile. Our professional teeth cleaning services in Tucson go beyond just making your teeth look good, we remove plaque, tartar, and stains that brushing can’t reach, preventing gum disease and catching potential issues early. Whether you need a routine cleaning or deep cleaning with root planing and scaling, our caring team ensures your oral health is in the best hands.

Types of Dental Cleanings: Prophylactic Cleaning: To keep teeth and gums in good condition Root Planing and Scaling: For people with gum disease, this is a more thorough cleaning. Periodontal Maintenance Cleaning:To maintain gum health following therapy. Full Mouth Debridement: This procedure removes a lot of tartar and plaque from teeth that haven't undergone regular cleanings.

Ready to keep your smile bright and healthy? Schedule your next cleaning with Rincon Family Dentistry today!

[nursingwriter]

Gingivitis is a mild form of periodontal disease. It causes irritation, redness, and inflammation of the gums and can be so mild that individuals may not even be aware they have it (Mayo Clinic staff, 2011). Many people have it to a varying degree because it often develops during puberty or early adulthood due to hormonal changes (Rosenberg, 2010). It is important to take gingivitis seriously, however, because, left untreated, it can lead to periodontitis, a more severe form of gum disease. Eventually, tooth loss can result. Gingivitis is commonly caused by poor oral hygiene, but can result from a number of other conditions, including diabetes, depressed immune system (for example, as a result of HIV / AIDS or leukemia), certain viral and fungal infections, and hormonal changes such as those related to puberty, as already mentioned, or with pregnancy or the use of oral contraceptives. Gingivitis can also result from unhealthy habits, including poor nutrition, substance abuse, and tobacco use. There is increased risk for gingivitis among older patients, particularly if they have ill-fitting dental restorations (Mayo Clinic staff, 2011). Misaligned teeth, rough edges of fillings and unclean mouth appliances such as braces and bridges can also increase the risk of gingivitis (Rosenberg, 2010). Gingivitis occurs when plaque forms and is not removed. Plaque is an invisible, sticky film composed of bacteria. Plaque forms when starches and sugars in food interact with normal oral bacteria. Plaque can be removed with brushing and flossing, but this must be done daily because plaque can reform within twenty-four hours. If plaque stays on the teeth for longer than several days, it can harden under the gum line. This hardened plaque is called tartar, or calculus. At this point, it cannot be cleaned by regular blushing and flossing. A professional cleaning by a dentist or dental hygienist is then required. Careful oral hygiene must be maintained after the cleaning to keep the disease from returning. This means a lifelong habit of good dental hygiene to prevent recurrence. The dentist or hygienist will instruct the patient in proper brushing and flossing techniques. For people who are particularly prone to gingivitis, brushing and flossing after every meal may be recommended. The dentist may also recommend special toothbrushes, water irrigation, or antiplaque toothpastes or rinses. Left untreated, calculus increasingly irritates the gingiva, which is the part of the gum around the base of the teeth. The gums become swollen and bleed easily. Disease eventually spreads to underlying tissue and bone. For reasons that are not fully understood, periodontitis and poor oral health in general adversely affect overall health. Studies have linked periodontitis to an increased risk of heart attack, stroke, and lung disease. Women with periodontitis may be more likely to give birth to premature babies or babies with low birth weight (Mayo Clinic staff, 2011). People with gingivitis often do not realize they have it, since they generally experience little or no discomfort. Symptoms of gingivitis include bleeding gums. Even gentle brushing can cause gums to bleed, which is an early indicator of the disease. Other symptoms include a bright red or purplish appearance to the gums, swelling, mouth sores, and/or a shiny appearance to the gums. The dentist can use a visual examination to determine the presence of gum disease. Sometimes dental x-rays and dental bone measurements are advised if the dentist suspects inflammation has spread to the supporting structures of the teeth (Rosenberg, 2010). Gingivitis does not necessarily have to evolve to the more serious periodontitis. Good prophylactic care can often make any kind of treatment necessary. A daily regimen plus regularly scheduled visits to a dentist can help ensure healthy gums. References Mayo Clinic staff. (2011, Nov 18). Mayoclinic. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/gingivitis/DS00363 Rosenberg, D. (2010, 22 2). Gingivitis. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002051/ Read the full article

[dentistcranbourne]

Relieving Oneself: Visiting Dependable Emergency Dentist in Cranbourne

Access to an emergency dentist in Cranbourne is advantageous for both locals and visitors, as it offers timely treatment and relief from dental problems ranging from acute toothaches to oral injuries. Unexpected dental emergencies can occur, resulting in pain and discomfort that need to be treated right away. This thorough guide will help you comprehend an orthodontist's services in Cranbourne and will let you know who to contact if you require immediate dental treatment.

The Principal Advantages of Melbourne's General Dental Services

The cornerstone of dental care is general dentistry services, which emphasise early detection, accurate diagnosis, and prompt treatment for prevalent oral health problems. Like in any other city, Melbourne depends on these services to help people of all ages maintain their best possible dental health and general well-being.

Preventive treatment is emphasised in general dentistry to preserve oral health and stop dental issues before they become more serious. Frequent cleanings and examinations of the teeth aid in the early detection of problems such as oral cancer, gum disease, and cavities.

Expert Cleaning Combined with Dental Problem Treatment

Dental hygiene professionals remove tartar and plaque accumulation that is too difficult to eliminate with only brushing and flossing regularly. This prophylactic action aids in the prevention of gum disease, cavities, and foul breath. Polishing is another procedure included in dental cleanings to get rid of surface stains and give teeth a cleaner appearance and feel.

Melbourne's general dentists are qualified to handle a variety of dental issues. When required, they remove teeth and apply root canal therapy to sick teeth in addition to treating cavities. The goals of these procedures are to heal the mouth, reduce discomfort, and stop further tooth and gum deterioration. They enable people to take charge of their dental health at home by providing individualised guidance based on each patient's unique requirements and oral health objectives.

Source

[dolynchukdentalca]

What Services Do Red Deer Dental Clinics Offer?

Fluoride treatments

Dental sealants

Oral health education

2. Cosmetic Dentistry

Amidst all facial structures, the colony of teeth plays a vital role in the general well-being of an individual and self-esteem. Some of the common Red Deer Dental Clinics have embarked on offering beautification services on the teeth you have. These services can fix minor problems that customers may have such as discolouration, misalignment, or gaps. Cosmetic dentistry options include:

Teeth whitening

Veneers

Bonding

Orthodontics (braces and aligners)

3. Restorative Dentistry

Cosmetic restoration dentistry, on the other hand, is concerned with the actual replacement of broken or missing teeth. At Red Deer Dentists, the patients get to receive general and reconstructive dentistry services through improved techniques that restore mouth functionality and aesthetics. Common restorative services include:

Fillings

Crowns

Bridges

Dentures

Dental implants

4. Emergency Dental Care

Dental emergencies are not predictable and can occur at any time they are likely to happen any time of the day or after the setting business or working hours. That is why having a list such as Red Deer Emergency Dentists is helpful because it guarantees you quick attention. Emergency services often cover:

Severe tooth pain

Broken or knocked-out teeth

Dental infections

Lost fillings or crowns

Ensuring that there is an available and reputable Emergency Dentist Red Deer will be useful in containing any future shocks over dental problems. Paediatric DentistryIt is important to consider that children have different dental demands that must be met. Orthodontal treatments, prophylactic annual checkups and other dental services are available at Red Deer Dental Clinics, including paediatric dental care for childrenÕs teeth to grow naturally healthy. These services include:

Routine check-ups and cleanings

Fluoride treatments

Dental sealants

Proper brushing and flossing techniques

Conclusion

Red Deer Dental Clinics enables one to have all the dental services that one requires through the facilities we have listed below. They act as your one-stop dentists starting from check-ups, regular and annual dental checkups, and even emergencies. Dolynchuk Dental Clinic provides our patients with a comprehensive of both cosmetic and restorative dentistry as well as kidsÕ dentistry. If you require health check, regular check-up or any other specialization the team is ready to serve you. Visit us and book your appointment now to taste the professional and best dental services in Red Deer. Every information you need to keep your smile glowing and without a single decay has been provided here.

[dentalspecialistsgroup]

Understanding the Different Types of Dental Cleanings: Which One Do You Need? 

Understanding the Different Types of Dental Cleanings: Which One Do You Need?

Maintaining oral health is crucial for overall well-being, and regular dental cleanings are a fundamental part of that upkeep. Dental cleanings, also known as prophylaxis, help prevent gum disease, cavities, and other dental issues. However, not all dental cleanings are the same. Different types of cleanings are designed to address various oral health needs. Understanding the distinctions between these cleanings can help you determine which one is right for you. To know more visit Dental Specialists Group.

1. Prophylaxis Cleaning

Prophylaxis cleaning is the standard dental cleaning that most people are familiar with. This type of cleaning is a preventive measure aimed at maintaining oral health and is typically recommended for individuals with generally healthy teeth and gums.

During a prophylaxis cleaning, the dental hygienist will:

Remove plaque and tartar from the surface of the teeth and gum line.

Polish the teeth to remove stains and make it more difficult for plaque to accumulate.

Perform a thorough flossing to remove any remaining debris.

This cleaning is usually performed twice a year during regular dental check-ups. It's suitable for individuals who practice good oral hygiene and do not have signs of periodontal disease.

2. Scaling and Root Planing

Scaling and root planing is a more intensive cleaning procedure, often referred to as a deep cleaning. This type of cleaning is necessary for individuals who have signs of gum disease, such as periodontitis. Periodontitis is a serious gum infection that damages the soft tissue and can destroy the bone supporting the teeth if left untreated.

The procedure involves:

Scaling: The removal of plaque and tartar from the tooth surface and below the gum line.

Root Planing: Smoothing out the roots of the teeth to help the gums reattach to the tooth.

Scaling and root planing are typically done under local anesthesia to ensure patient comfort. This cleaning is crucial for preventing the progression of gum disease and promoting healing.

3. Periodontal Maintenance Cleaning

Periodontal maintenance cleaning is designed for individuals who have been treated for periodontitis. After initial treatment, maintaining the health of the gums and preventing recurrence of the disease is essential.

This type of cleaning is similar to prophylaxis but more thorough, focusing on:

Continual removal of plaque and tartar from above and below the gum line.

Monitoring the depth of periodontal pockets.

Ensuring that the gums are healthy and stable.

Periodontal maintenance cleanings are typically performed more frequently than standard cleanings, often every three to four months, depending on the severity of the condition.

4. Gross Debridement Cleaning

Gross debridement cleaning is a preliminary cleaning used for individuals who have not had professional dental care for an extended period. This cleaning is necessary when there is a significant buildup of plaque and tartar that makes it difficult to perform an oral examination.

During this procedure, the dental hygienist will:

Remove the heavy buildup of plaque and tartar.

Use special tools, including an ultrasonic device, to break up the deposits.

After the gross debridement, the patient may need to return for a more thorough cleaning and examination once the plaque and tartar have been sufficiently removed.

5. Prophylactic Cleaning for Kids

Prophylactic cleaning for kids is tailored to meet the needs of younger patients. Pediatric dental cleanings are essential for maintaining the oral health of children and preventing early dental problems.

During a pediatric cleaning, the hygienist will:

Gently remove plaque and tartar from the child's teeth.

Provide education on proper brushing and flossing techniques.

Apply fluoride treatments if necessary to strengthen the enamel.

Regular dental visits from an early age help instill good oral hygiene habits and ensure the proper development of children's teeth and gums.

Which Dental Cleaning Do You Need?

Determining the type of dental cleaning you need depends on your current oral health status. Regular prophylaxis cleanings are suitable for individuals with healthy gums and teeth. However, if you have signs of gum disease or have been treated for periodontitis, you may require scaling and root planning or periodontal maintenance cleanings. For those who have neglected dental care for a while, a gross debridement cleaning might be necessary.It’s essential to consult with your dentist, who can evaluate your oral health and recommend the appropriate type of cleaning. Regular dental check-ups and cleanings are key to maintaining a healthy mouth and preventing more severe dental issues down the line. By understanding the different types of dental cleanings available, you can take proactive steps towards achieving optimal oral health. To know more contact us today.

[binznboris]

How do you turn an algae-filled pool blue again?

To make an algae-filled pool blue again, follow these steps: First, clean and vacuum the pool to eliminate as much algae as possible. Next, shock the swimming pool with a strong dosage of chlorine or non-chlorine shock treatment to kill any leftover algae. To remove any leftover algae, apply an algaecide according to the manufacturer's dose and application directions. Run the pool filter continually to eliminate dead algae and debris, then brush any remaining algae areas until they are totally gone. Test and regulate the pH and alkalinity levels to keep the environment balanced, and keep chlorine levels within the prescribed range to prevent algae growth. Regular pool maintenance, such as brushing, vacuuming, and testing the water, as well as adequate circulation and filtration, will help avoid future algae outbreaks. As a prophylactic step, consider treating with algaecide once a week. With dedication and correct management, you may successfully restore your algae-filled pool to its original blue and welcoming state for swimming delight.

[writer59january13]

Harriet Harris née Kuritsky circa November 13th,

1935 - ~ May 4th, 2005

(untimely death sentence ordained ~ early February 1935)

I trot out a poem acknowledging birthday of dear ole mom, who succumbed, lost lease on life nearly two decades ago, who frequently asked me, but never received acknowledgement during her livingsocial years did abjure (as the sole son) communicating HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Test teasing prophylactics embarrassing purchase never made at local drugstore unsurprisingly, obviously, invariably... birth control taboo subject, best to ignore

subsequently intercourse awkwardly coordinated, consummated, completed extempore courtesy the mythic sheet with a hole through which prudish maternal grandparents supposedly copulated hence bun in the oven bon jure

yielded unicellular spore

while in utero ~ early/mid February I ain't exactly sure nineteen hundred thirty five - dirt poor Harriet Harris, fourth, last born (interesting enough shared same birthdate with eldest sister twelve years her senior) fetched vicinity Coney Island offshore

by stork, became favorite progeny begat courtesy Morris, and then swore celibacy forever more

Rebeckah Kuritsky heretofore

harbored inchoate genetic fore boded, encoded, inscribed deadly mutations housed, fetched, dispatched and bore flawed BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes sketched

affecting circumscribing her allotted mortality orbitz equaling about six months shy of three and a half score unknowingly, unsuspectingly, unwittingly, her biologic fatal demise indelibly etched.

Breast cancer first brush sounded death knell

Harriet approximately clocked fifty plus

orbitz around the sun, she underwent grueling radiation plus chemotherapy

carcinoma eradicated allowed, enabled, provided breathing spell

reprieve accentuated, galvanized, punctuated...

newfound zealous zest almost nothing could quell significance pray tell

new lease on life to sell lib berate cherish, relish, whish each precious moment thwarting pell mell

adversity with bon vivant elan and gusto to issue rebel yell

kickstarting, making breast livingsocial aye bell,

especially after despite... er... well her double mastectomy,

she looked fabulously swell

courtesy silicon implants

slight downside reconstituted racked busty bosom

susceptible to ooze gel.

Many years post remission telltale

diagnosis, viz ovarian,

despite requisite hysterectomy emotionally did impale,

she instinctually, intuitively,

invariably, yet quiver and quail

against impending demise 24/7 did assail

guardian angel(s) of no avail,

nor did yours truly proffer nurturance

resentment smoldering within this male

red hot poker anger lambasting me peppered with ultimatums to vamoose,

never got resolved ensuing estrangement

deterred reaching out to embrace,

hearing raspy fading breaths exhale,

miserably tethered with tubes

when she did severely pine ail

and grievously bewail

corporeal essence ashen pale

awkwardly, helplessly, stupidly... I stood

formidable grim reaper foe whisked mother to Elysian fielded dale.

[orumad]

"how you gonna blow me if i got a condom on?" he counters, teeth sinking into her lower lip and pulling it taut. there's a smirk edging the kiss and brows tick up above his heavy lidded blues. the answer doesn't really matter, but max obviously isn't prepared to reveal any potential prophylactic's 'til she shows a little reciprocation. the whole point of giving is the subsequent taking. "thought you'd be more conversational, cohen," he notes, not judging so much as observing, half-amused only in the way he always is. they're so much talk, the two of them. words between them are weapons of sex, sarcasm, and mass destruction, but then again max decides it fuckin' figures the sole context of her pillow talk so far is complaints. he's way too casual as he pulls her dress upward, urging it to slide off her body ideally as she slithers her way down his. "you aren't nervous, are you?" that broadens his smirk into a grin, doesn't actually imagine for a second she can manage to be nervous now. he's just having way too much fun. gathering up her blonde in a halfway, messy ponytail, fingers threaded tight against her scalp, he presses a goodbye kiss to her lips before brushing the tip of his nose back and forth against her's, tender and tongue in cheek. "condom's in the wallet." once you're finished goes unsaid.

part of her wishes he was bad with his tongue—the spiteful part that's hunting for weaknesses, not the part that's grinding against it, anchored by a death grip on his wrist and slurping down his fingers like a feast. it keeps her from talking sure, and is in his best interest for that alone, but sinking her mouth down to the knuckle, feeling the rough callouses against her tongue, sweeping it along the dips of his fingers in tandem with his own licking keeps her mind from wandering like it usually might. being eaten out isn't generally her favorite. it's not full enough; there's too much space to drift away, back into her head, to thoughts of what her face might look like from this angle or how long she should let it go on for before swapping positions, maybe to fantasies of someone else showing up to entertain her top half... his hand clutched between hers is a roblox video spliced alongside a story time, distracting enough to focus her attention where it should be—on the tension building in her lower abdomen and the pulsing between her thighs where she desperately clenches around nothing.

she should be teasing him. she should be drawing things out, playing the game he's so good at, delayed gratification and all that. she should make him beg—and she could. he might win with words, but they're in her wheelhouse now. if there was ever a time to tip the scales, it'd be now. or, it should be now.... but this whole night has been foreplay enough, and the instant she registers that emptiness inside her it's game over. her legs are shaky on the dismount and then she's gazing down at him wild eyes under heavy lids and shrouded by a halo of blonde as she mimes taking a picture of him with a smirk. her own shutter effect solidifies the mental image of him glistening with the taste of her into her spank bank before she's leaning down to lick it up. "you got a condom this time?" she mumbles into his mouth with hands that fumble to free him where he strains against his pants. the answer doesn't really matter. in fact, she hopes he doesn't. feels better that way, but she needs at least the illusion of precaution to keep from cementing herself as a total whore.

[writefinch]

Family-Owned Small Business

(CN: incest, sex work, mentions of sexual assault & suicidal ideation)

The worst part of my job is administration. Last-minute rescheduling when a client flakes on us. Chasing up payments. Booking accommodation at short notice. Answering messages! Jesus, every time in the last year when I've slumped, sighed, and thought to myself "fuck working, I need a break from all this" it's been when I've opened my messages and seen thirty different texts that need a reply. Some people are fine with it I guess, but for me it's boring, time consuming, and stressful.

Big deal though, right, I mean nobody loves doing admin, why even bring it up? Well, if I tell someone that for work last night I ate a client's cum out of my mom's pussy, I'd expect that they'd get fixated on the sex work and the incest. I'd expect them to freak out and not pay attention to the specifics of what I'm saying. So, first, I'd like that person to know that the thing I hate about my job is probably the same thing that *they* hate about *their* job. I would rather lick my mom's asshole for five minutes than answer emails for five minutes, and I answer a lot of emails.

Do we have to worry about violence, danger, cops, and legal trouble? Yeah, we do. Am I scared of these things? Yeah, sometimes, but I had to worry about all of those things before I started doing sex work. At least now we've got the money to buy our way out of the worst of it.

I'm not saying that what I do with mom is an objectively healthy relationship, let alone a perfect one. If you took me back in time and told me I could pick a completely different life for me and my mom, I'm sure there's a bunch of choices I'd pick over this one. But I never had that choice. I got hurt a lot growing up. I feel like I've finally escaped the things that hurt me, but I know that I've barely started to recover from them.

That's why I'm writing this. We've saved enough money to afford some therapy and my first session is next week. I want help with the fear, the nightmares, the mood swings and insomnia, I want to stop the rush of rage and terror that flows through me every time I see the word 'dad,' I want help untangling the stuff that came out of being told I was a pansy when I was growing up, then figuring out I'm gay, then figuring out I'm a girl, then figuring out I'm all three of those things while I was living in a place that kept trying to kill me for it. What I don't want is for the psych to pin it all on the two least harmful and least fucked-up things about my life, and worse, I don't want them to make me believe it. This journal is a prophylactic, an assessment of my job, my relationships and my life that I can refer back to if and when someone sticks their fingers in my brain and swirls them around.

I'll start with a problem statement: my dad. The memories that hurt the most are the ones where he almost appeared human, the flickers of joy, curiosity and humor that stood out from the bland cruelty that made up the rest of his personality. I'll remember him buying me ice cream or talking about a book or a movie with me, I'll doubt myself and wonder if I just went crazy and cut him out of my life for no reason, and then my brain will hook onto a random act of sadism he inflicted on me.

The physical abuse was bad all on its own, real psycho shit like driving me out into the woods and making me pick through the brush for a switch he could hit me with and a whole lot more I won't go into, but the emotional abuse was worse. When I was eleven, I forgot to feed my cat one day. He gave her away to my uncle, but told me that she'd developed malnutrition and had to be put down. I didn't find out the truth for another two years, when he just let it slip at Easter. He bragged about it, even, like he'd invented a really smart child-rearing technique. I don't want to write too much down here because I don't need to, if anything I want therapy to *stop* everything he did from running through my head. He's a punishment-obsessed sadist, a Baptist, and he works as a judge. Did he ever sexually abuse me? No. Parent of the year, right? He kicked me out for being a fag the day I turned eighteen, so it's ironic that my biggest fear is that he comes looking for me. He doesn't even know I'm a girl.

On the other hand, my mom has had an interesting life. She's kind of a fuck up. When I was one year old, mom and dad split and dad got full custody--being a judge helped with that--while mom left the state. She spent a decade trying to kick a heroin habit and a year and a half in prison for related stuff, got banned from even entering the state I lived in on account of her parole--again, dad being a judge helped with that--illegally emigrated to Canada for a while, and went to Oregon by mistake, doing a mixture of bartending, delivery driving, MDMA dealing and whoring to stay afloat.

The only reason we met again is that I was in the same city staying with friends, also whoring. I don't remember the first time I saw her, but the first time we talked was in a mutual friend's tiny studio apartment with a few other hooker friends. We ended up comparing our Pest Lists, shared a few drinks, and swapped numbers. A week later we fucked, and a month after *that* we realized that we'd Oedipus'd ourselves. It seems funnier now than it did at the time.

That was an emotional time. We cried with joy that we'd found each other, we started tip-toeing around the ideas of rebuilding our lives together, and we agreed to pretend that the sex had never happened. Of course, we got drunk together a week later and fucked again. She's hot! I have a thing for older women, I have a thing for breaking taboos, and I have a thing for being mommied in bed. Blame dad for raising me like this, I dunno.

We started doing sex work as a team after she got a dental abscess. The bill for the hospital stay and the tooth removal was insane, and the dentist straight-up told her that she'd end up with another in a different tooth within a year if she didn't get two root canals. Even when she was recovering, we could only afford fish antibiotics off of Amazon. We crunched some numbers and made some inquiries, and figured out that we could pull in two week's worth of our combined income with one night of mother-daughter stuff.

Our first joint session was with a real estate pervert I'll call Stan, a chubby balding powerlifter in his fifties who we'd both had as a client before. Mom took me over her knees and switched between spanking me and fingering me while he watched. I sucked him off while mom made out with him, made out with my mom with his cock between our lips, licked his balls as mom licked my ass, then let him fuck my ass while mom sat on my face. That was the first half hour. He came six more times before we passed out in the early hours of the morning, and I drifted off nursing his finally-limp cock in my mouth. He paid us the price of a used Volkswagen for our trouble, and I blew him one last time before we left as a thank-you.

Six months later, mom's teeth were fixed, I was on spiro, and we had just under a dozen clients for our "doubles sessions." Only a few of our appointments are ones with me and mom together, three or four a month, we mostly work alone. That's not out of a deliberate choice, it's just that we've got a strict criteria for who we'll double up on.

Trust is one thing: depending on the lawyers we can afford, what we're doing is either kinda illegal or extremely illegal. Since my dad is presumably still a judge, I don't want him to ever find out about this. He'd put us in a prison or a mental institution. We won't do a double session with a client unless we've both had individual sessions with them.

Money is the other thing. Getting your dick sucked by a hot mom while her daughter sucks your balls costs a week's wages for the average person. Hiring us for the night is more like a month's wages. Even in a city like this, there's only a few thousand people that can drop that kind of money on hookers. Then, they've got to *want* to fuck a trans girl and her mom together. Don't get me wrong, more people are into mother-daughter incest than you'd expect, but it's not a universal thing.

Clients are, on average, annoying. It's a fact of life. The thing that all clients have in common is a ton of disposable income and a fondness for fucking hookers. They're not necessarily bad people, but there’s a heavy ‘What can a banana cost, ten dollars?’ vibe to them. It’s not that they’re adrenochrome-drinkers who don’t see regular people as human, it’s more that they don’t have an intuitive awareness that other people don’t have savings accounts, health insurance, an investment property, and four figures of walking-around money at any given time. I guess I'd feel differently if I was like, a concierge or a PA, but there's a lot more pillow talk in my job.

I've had bad and dangerous clients before, there's been at least two occasions where I was pretty sure I was going to die--one where the hospital afterwards stay wiped out four months of income, not counting the month where I couldn’t work--but they were all before I met mom, when I couldn't be so careful about screening prospective clients and dropping them if they threw up red flags. I'm sure we'll get bad clients in the future, but we're in a better place to deal with them safely.

I also wanna write down what a "normal day" is like. Friday was a good example. I woke up early at 9am and cooked breakfast for mom. She was up already doing the laundry. We entertain some clients in our apartment, so we go through a lot of clothes and a lot of sheets. You can't fuck a guy on top of another guy's cum stains, that's rude. Some of the job is Housework But More. We don't really use the main bedroom or the sitting room because we treat them like bed and breakfast guest rooms. It's annoying but every time we have a session without getting an actual hotel or motel room we save like $50 minimum.

After breakfast I epilated, showered, and went for a run. Personal grooming isn't that big a deal in terms of time, I'm not saying I don't spend a lot of time on it, I do, but I'd be spending that time even if I worked in a bar or an office or something. Look: I'm hot. I might have been a weird-looking spotty nerd when I thought I was a boy, but as a girl I'm a fucking dime. I could get like, 25% uglier before it had any impact on my earnings. The only part of personal grooming that's necessary for sex work and I wouldn't do all the time anyway is power-washing my guts an hour before every session.

After lunch, mom went to see some friends and I played Magic for a few hours. At two pm, the actual work started. I picked up the work phone for the first time that day and began answering texts. An hour later I'd cancelled the 6pm appointment, blocked out all of Sunday evening, checked in with a few regulars, and provisionally moved three guys to the 'Time Wasters' list.

I spent a while sexting with a good prospect. He was a good prospect because he paid up-front for the sexting instead of treating it like a free samples platter at Costco. We scheduled a tentative appointment for next Tuesday, when his wife would be out of town on a business trip. Most of the guys I fuck have kinks, and I swear that 'cheating on your wife with a sex worker' is the most common one there is. Do I feel bad about it? At my hourly rate, absolutely not.

Mom got back at half four, so I took a break. We made tacos for lunch together and ate while watching Billions. She nudged me and told me that I need to do my injection, and, well, we have a little ritual for that. I'm scatterbrained and I'm not great with needles, but mom has been incredibly supportive with my HRT, and when I told her I was having problems taking them on time, she came up with a way to make me as comfortable as possible. As soon as the needle is ready, I laid down in her lap and she cradled my head in her arms, pressing her bare chest against my face. I took a nipple into my mouth and nursed it softly while she stroked my hair. She called me a good girl, telling me how proud she is of her daughter, how much she loves me, and asked if I was going to take my medicine like a big girl. On good days I inject myself while she pets me and coos over me, and on bad days she takes the needle and does it for me. As soon as I dropped the needle in the sharps container, mom pressed a Hitachi against my cock and took one of my nipples into her mouth, called me her big brave girl, and asked if I was gonna cum for mommy.

As usual, the answer was yes.

Late afternoon and early evening is when the messages start flowing in, especially on Fridays, when the kinds of people with hooker money have either left work early and thinking about getting laid, or are still held up at work and are desperately thinking about getting laid. This kind of messaging gets trickier, because it comes down to what I'm providing. Like, setting up a session is the kind of normal administrative stuff that's baked into the price of a session. It's also partly a sales job, so I'm naturally flirty and solicitous, and because I do sex work I talk openly about sex.

However, *sexting* is not normal administrative stuff. If I'm sending you messages for jerking-off purposes, I can charge by the hour or by the text but I will insist on charging for it. Also, it's not just sex that me and mom provide. There's a reason that 'companionship' is an old euphemism for whoring, it's because whores are good company. I'm a good listener and I don't judge, which means I'm like the fun parts of a therapist but without all the homework and self-improvement. I'm (unsurprisingly) friendly with all of my clients, and I have more than a few clients and former clients who I'd consider good friends and vice versa. I talk to a bunch of them outside of a business context, especially the ones I met outside of my job, and that's a normal part of maintaining a pool of clients for any sales job, but on the other hand... it's a demand on my time and it's a part of my services. I can and have bluntly told guys that they're wasting my time when it comes to uncompensated sexting, but the platonic stuff requires a lighter touch.

One of my regulars, Fintech Pete, sent me a message. Two messages later, he sent me $100, and we're off. Describing in gratuitous detail exactly how I'm going to suck his cock, begging him to fuck me until my clit is drooling all over the sheets, sending him feet pics, things of that nature. Pete is great for sexting because he barely jerks off while he's doing it, he saves all the messages and pictures and jerks off to them later, because he's got some biohacking routine where he only cums once a week. He said once that part of the reason he hires sex workers is that he takes each nut a lot more seriously if he's paying three digits minimum for the privilege. He does this teleconferencing report with the board of directors at his company four times a year, and every time he hires me to kneel under the desk in his home office and suck him off while he makes his presentation.

Anyway, while we were going back and forth like that, he mentioned that I'd made a joke one time about doing a joint session with my mom. I told him it wasn't a joke, and to cut a long story short, half an hour later I was asking mom if she was up for an overnight session starting at 9pm. She agreed, Pete confirmed, so we both got ready--think getting dolled up for a night out but with a more thorough enema--and drove to his place. He lived outside of town in a two-bedroom suburban home, alone with his two dogs.

As soon as we were parked in his garage I did the safety call in front of him: I rang a friend of mine, told her we were visiting a friend, told her it was at the address I sent her earlier, and told her we'd call her again tomorrow morning. Was it really necessary to do that with someone like Fintech Pete? No, but practice makes permanent. If you let these things slip when there's no danger, eventually they'll slip when there is danger.

Now, I don't want to imply that I'm in a lot of danger! There's a reason that most of the faces you'll see on the Trans Day of Remembrance are of poor black and brown women, because real danger comes when you can't turn skeevy jobs, when you can't afford to take precautions, when you have to make the choice over and over between maybe starving and maybe getting murdered. I'm white, I've got a good support network, and I've been relatively lucky in that I can do all these things to minimize my risks. I've still got to do them, though! Things like safety calls are a good habit to get into and it helps all sex workers if there's an expectation that they've all got someone looking out for them.

...I get that there is some bravado creeping into this journal. I start off saying that admin is the worst part of the job and a page later I flippantly mention that the job has put me in the hospital. On a day to day basis yeah, the admin is the bit that sucks the most, but if you offered me a deal where the admin is twice as bad but I never took that session, I’d take it in a heartbeat. This job has left me with some scars. Any time something cold touches my wrist I get a vivid flash of the first time I had my hands zip-tied behind my back in a cop car. I've had nightmares all my life, and more than a few of my nightmares are about stuff that's happened since I got into sex work.

If it seems like I’m downplaying it, it’s because the harrowing stuff is where the job has gone wrong, it’s not baked into the everyday stuff, and most importantly it has nothing to do with my mom. The work I've done with her is some of the least stressful and dangerous I've had since I started this job, and whatever wounds I have, she's not the one who caused them.

On a more positive note, a cool thing about doing sessions with my mom is that we can dress pretty conservatively and still have it come off as insanely lewd. Mom wore a black cocktail dress with an imitation pearl necklace and her hair up in a bun, I was in a white blouse under a lambswool sweater, a pleated short skirt, cheap dark tights--Pete has a thing for tearing them--and patent leather shoes. When you're going to suck a guy's world entirely off alongside your mom, the more modestly you're dressed, the more perverted it looks. Out in the suburbs it also means you get to avoid the microskirts and fishnets look which screams to the neighbors 'I've just hired a pair of hookers' or the mid-range raincoat over microskirts and fishnets look which screams 'I've just hired a pair of pricey hookers."

Pete's living room looks like the back room of a Radio Shack, computer guts everywhere, every surface turned into a makeshift workbench. It's not a suitable place for lovemaking; I don't want to have to pull shards of a soundcard out of my perineum. His bedroom is a lot neater, with a king-sized bed to sit on, a ton of pillows to lounge up against, and a TV mounted on the wall. Mom poured out some wine, a mid-range red zinfandel that we'd picked up on the way, Pete brought out some imported dark chocolate that costs like $40/kg, and I swung my legs over his lap and turned on the Food Network. I took a bite of chocolate, mom took a sip of wine, and before either of us swallowed she pulled me into a deep kiss, mixing the wine and the chocolate. It's a good combination, and Pete enjoyed the show.

The night started off with chatting. None of us were in any rush, not with an overnight session, and since Pete has been a client for each of us for a while it was a pretty relaxed atmosphere. Pete's fingers danced over my thighs, absent-mindedly plucking ladders into the fabric as we talked baseball, business, sex work, the difference between the gentrified fag bar downtown and the really gentrified fag bar downtown, programming and other nerd shit, local politics, the contestants on Cutthroat Kitchen, just normal stuff. Mom and Pete started talking about fancy cooking stuff so I started annoying them both by claiming that sardines are just fully-grown anchovies, that DOP labels are all fake, and that instant grits are better than the regular ones until mom jabbed me with a finger and told me that my mouth should be put to better use elsewhere.

You know how some people say "Cilantro tastes like soap, that's why it's good?" Same thing for how weird it feels to go down on my mom. The first time I ever jerked off, watching a 144p clip of Rocco Sifreddi fucking a girl in the ass while flushing her head down a toilet bowl, knowing that this meant I was going to go to Hell unless I begged God for forgiveness and never did it again, I came so hard I passed out. It feels good, it feels wrong that it feels so good, and it feels even better because it feels so wrong.

She was already wet when I got between her legs. I kissed her clit and started licking, her bush tickling my nose and her thighs squeezing my ears. Fabric rasped over my head as she hiked her dress up to run her hand through my hair. Everything was muffled but I could hear kissing and clinking, and I knew that mom was undoing Pete's belt and jeans to give him a Catholic-quality handjob.

I got mom worked up, bucking her hips and getting all breathy, until she asked me to get up here and give her some help. I crawled up to his groin and winked up at him. He blushed and grinned back. Pete's not a bad-looking guy. I mean, I don't care about looks in general, I guess I can look at someone and say that objectively they're ugly, and if someone is beautiful it adds something to the experience, but like... it doesn't really figure into it. Obviously most johns don't look like supermodels but they're not uniformly ugly, as I said before the thing that johns have in common is being horny guys with a lot of disposable income. Still, Pete is towards the better-looking side of that scale.

...Okay there is one thing about him that's weirdly common for my clients, I call it 'John Balding:' where a guy is losing his hair but in a slow, uneven, and kinda weird pattern, so that even when they cross into being more bald than not, they never bite the bullet and shave it all off. Pete is only like 30% of the way through that process so it doesn't look terrible yet, but he's on that track.

Anyway, back to the sex. A fun thing about double blowjobs is that you can take them a whole lot slower than solo blowjobs. Me and mom have had a lot of practice so we go at about 1/4th speed and it feels twice as good. She started off by wrapping her hand around the shaft, slowly stroking it while she softly kissed the tip, and I licked his balls, gently lapping at one, then the other, cleaning away the day's sweat and musk, carefully taking both of them into my mouth at once. Mom swallowed half his length, and I started kissing my way up his shaft as she pulled back up, my lips touching the head as hers reached the very tip. She grabbed me by my hair and pulled me into a deep French kiss with his cock in the middle, precum mixing with spit, moaning as we felt him twitch and grunt, mom's hand on his balls and my hand on his shaft. We broke the kiss and repeated it in reverse, taking his cock in my throat as mom kissed her way down to his balls. He came after five minutes of gentle little schoolgirl kisses on each side of his cock from the pair of us. The first rope caught mom on her cheek, the second hit her hair, but I wrapped my lips tight around the head and sucked him dry before he could spill another drop.

You can't give a client a mother-daughter blowjob and not snowball the cum back and forth in front of him. We've done it enough times to get the timing down: wait until he sits up straight, because if you don't he'll be too dazed from nutting in your mouth to really appreciate it. Make sure he's looking at you, move your hair out of the way so it doesn't obstruct his view, open your lips so that a trickle of jizz almost sloshes out, move in close to your mom so that your noses are touching and it's clear that you're about to kiss, sink a palm into her tits as she grabs your ass, and then you gotta really go for it: wide-mouthed, feral, energetic, like you're trying to reach each other's sinuses. If a little bit of cum spills out because you're being so sloppy, that's a sign that you're doing it right. You're going to lick it up afterwards anyway.

We broke the kiss, I licked mom's face clean, and we took a break. We drank some more wine, he offered us cigarettes--the coolest clients are the ones that let you smoke indoors--and we cuddled and relaxed for a while with Guy's Grocery Games playing on the TV. Pete went to get some water, and returned with three bottles and a strip of Cialis. He downed two pills, we both stripped off--it was sweltering by that point--and got ready for the next round.

Mom played with his nipples and I got between his legs again, this time going lower than his balls to eat his ass out. Rimming is a trusted client privilege like the mom-daughter stuff is, except it's less about trusting them in the legal sense and more about trusting that it won't be grainy down there. I like it when a client is clean enough to rim, because I'm extremely good at it. Mom says she's better, she claims she once made a guy no-touch cum with a rimjob, but I don't fucking believe her.

He got hard after a minute of digging my tongue into his ass, but his cock was still super-sensitive so we figured we'd tease him for a while longer. We swapped places, mom ate his ass while he made out with me, squeezing my tits and playing with my cock. I like it when guys touch my tits, my cock is... fine, I guess? I don't viscerally dislike people touching it but it doesn't do much for me. After a minute of that he reaches around and works a finger into my asshole, which is much more my speed.

By the time he was two knuckles deep I looked down and saw his cock twitching, leaking precum onto his stomach. He seemed pretty worked up. I kissed his neck, nipped at his ear, and whispered, "Do you wanna breed me, Mister?"

He sure did.

I use condoms unless I've got an extremely compelling reason not to, and mom has a cool trick for getting them on. She grasped Pete's cock around the base, placed her lips around the tip, deepthroated the entire thing in a single stroke, and as she slowly lifted her head back up, his cock was neatly fitted with a condom.

As soon as I lubed up he put me on my back, pushed my ankles up to my ears,  pressed his cock against my hole and sunk into me inch by inch. He muffled my moans with a kiss and rutted me into the bed. I gotta give it to him, all that biohacking and cardio is doing something right because he railed me at a fast, steady pace until my dick was leaking all over my tummy and I couldn't form sentences in my head any more. Mom made out with him as he finished, and at that point I was just babbling nonsense. He was gentle and cautious as he pulled out of me, stroking my hair as I reached down to take off his condom. I poured the contents out over my tits, slumping back against the headboard as mom licked them clean.

It wasn't yet midnight by then, and we went on like that through the night. Licking his feet, mom-daughter 69, him sucking my cock while mom rode his dick like a Sorority cowgirl champion, more wine, more double-blowjobs, tacking an extra $200 onto the fee for the privilege of pissing in my mouth instead of having to get up to go to the bathroom, a whole buffet of fun whore stuff.

We woke up at around ten in the morning, stayed for breakfast, then said our goodbyes. Me and mom thanked him for his custom, and he thanked us for a good time. By midday we were at home, we both showered, checked our calendars, messaged our evening clients to confirm that they were still on, and then... well, the rest of the day kinda evaporated. I played Demons' Souls until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, passed out in bed, and woke up when my alarm went off in the evening.

That's one of the things I don't like about overnight sessions: you're technically only spending like, ten to twelve hours with a client, and for some of that time you're either not fucking or actively asleep, but it kinda feels like it destroys two days. By the time it's scheduled, everything in the rest of the day is either preparing for it or doing it, and when you get back it takes the rest of the day just to recover. I don't like that part of my job, and if I sit down I can probably go through a whole bunch of things I don't like about my job. I still know that my job isn't a *bad* job, because the last time I had a bad job it was at a chicken processing plant. Know how I know that the chicken job was bad? Because I excused myself for a bathroom break four hours into the shift, walked off site, and never came back.

You know what, there's another reason I know that this isn't a bad job and that mom isn't a bad mom, and I guess it's part of the reason I've written all this down in the first place. I was seven years old when I first wanted to die. By the time I got to high school, suicidal thoughts were just the radio static in my brain. I can't remember any point after like, grade school where I didn't daydream about suicide every single day.

Now? I sometimes go for weeks without thinking about killing myself. It hasn't gone away completely, it still pops up when I'm upset or stressed out or tired or really hungry, but what I do is I talk to mom about it, and she talks me out of it. I feel guilty sometimes about putting that pressure on her, and taking that pressure off is part of the reason I'm going to therapy I guess.

I hope it works out.

I really think it will.

[busterkeatonfanfic]

Chapter 30

The idea came about as they were sitting in the semi-dark watching the previous day’s rushes of Snap Shots on the retractable projector. It was the rough stuff before the cuts, several takes of him being jostled by the crowd thronging to see the ticker-tape parade and being thrown against Marceline, falling more in love over her shoulder as he scented her perfume. Nelly laughed more than he expected her to. There were even a couple belly laughs. 

When he turned to her for an explanation, she ran her hand over the top of his head and to the base. “Oh Buster, your face,” she said, combing her fingers through his hair and caressing him. “I don’t know how you make it do that, but it always tells everything.”

Hearing that cheered him up. With the premiere of Steamboat nearing, he’d started to feel nervous about the critics again, which in turn made him nervous about Snap Shots. What if it was another turkey and the writers were right all along with their dictionary-sized script? Encouraged, he told her a little about where he thought the film was heading and she nodded, agreeing with his plot. 

“I ought to go wash my hair or I’ll lose the will,” she said, when there was a lull in the conversation. 

“Aw, forget your hair,” he said. He was having the time of his life showing her the pleasures of the Villa and was reluctant to call it night. 

“Absolutely not. Now it smells like chlorine, anyway.” 

He’d been able to persuade her into the pool before night had fallen. She wouldn’t hear of wearing one of Nate’s bathing suits, and was probably right that they wouldn’t have fit her bosom. Instead, she wore one of his one-piece suits and they splashed for an hour, challenging each other to races and engaging in a little idle necking. They hadn’t redressed afterwards, just donned cotton robes from the bathhouse and walked around the house in bare feet. Caruthers cooked ribs for dinner with asparagus and French-cooked new potatoes on the side, and they’d eaten in the breakfast room. 

“Chlorine-schmorine,” he said.

“I’m serious,” she said, withdrawing her hand. She gave him a playful but firm prod. “C’mon, Mr. Cameraman.”

“Oh, thinking about becoming a Ziegfried Girl?”

It was a joke, but as he took her upstairs to his bedroom it occurred to him that he did have a camera. He’d bought it over the winter, only to realize he had nothing to shoot. Natalie didn’t like the daredevil poses he put the boys in, calling them ‘dangerous,’ and he wasn’t about to aim the camera at her dour face after she lectured him. So he put it in a corner of one of his closets and forgot about it. A hitch of excitement went through his stomach as he entered the bathroom with Nelly. She would get into the water and she would be naked. 

“May I?” said Nelly, gesturing to the clawfoot tub. 

He nodded, throat going a little dry.

She sat on the edge and turned on the taps, keeping her fingers under the stream of water until it was to her liking, then plugging the drain. 

“I’m not going to get a lick of privacy, am I?” she said, lifting an eyebrow. 

He shook his head. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.” 

She rolled her eyes and half-smiled at him. While the tub filled, she stood at the porcelain sink and went through the familiar motions of letting down her hair. He sat on the toilet seat looking up at her and smoking a cigarette, pretending not to be as interested as he really was. She brushed her hair with his silver hairbrush after unpinning it. It was halfway down her back, and so thick she had to hold sections up to brush the under layers. Once she’d finished with her hair, she turned off the bathtub taps and gave him an exasperated look, although he could see she was teasing. The cotton robe came off. He didn’t have much of a chance to admire the way his bathing suit looked on her much curvier frame before she shucked it down. He whistled.

“Hush,” she said, dipping a leg into the tub. She put the other leg in, sat down, and examined his selection of shampoos and soaps. He could have offered her Natalie’s more expensive shampoos, all scented like flowers, but knew she wouldn’t have it. So cocoa nut oil shampoo it was. She drew up her knees and disappeared into the tub, dunking her head, and sat up with her hair drenched. He looked at her bubs, the rich brownness of her hair, and knew he wanted to fix the sight forever. He ignored her questions as he stepped out of the room, went into the hall, and turned on the lights in his closet. The camera and tripod were where he’d left them. He grabbed them and stubbed out his cigarette in an ashtray on his way back to the bathroom. 

Buster liked Nelly for so many reasons, and to them he added the fact that she didn’t bat an eye when he returned to the room with the camera. “I hope you’re not thinking of using those photos for Snap Shots,” she said coolly, as he set the tripod up a yard from the bathtub. He opened up the camera, withdrew the bellows, and fixed it in place.

Nelly hummed, scrubbing her head with shampoo. “We’re all alone, no chaperone, can’t get our number. The world’s in slumber—let’s misbehave!” she sang. 

He laughed. “I’m trying, but it takes an age to set this damned thing up.” He screwed it on the tripod and inched it forward to adjust the focus.

“They say the spring means just one thing to little lovebirds …”

“We’re not above birds,” he countered. 

“Let’s misbehave!” they finished together, and laughed. 

“Okay, think I’ve got it just about right,” he said. He felt for the cable of the shutter release and clicked it. 

“Say, where are you going to have these developed?” she said, pausing in her lathering. “I don’t want anyone else to see them.”

He clicked the shutter again, capturing her quizzical expression and the way her raised arms lifted her bubs. “Got a darkroom of my own, honey.” There was one in the detached shed on the Villa grounds where he cut film, though he’d never used it. 

“Oh.” She resumed lathering. “That’s fine.” 

He noticed that she couldn’t pile her hair atop her head when she washed it, but rather started at the top and worked her way down to the long coil lying against her shoulder. For a minute, he didn’t click the shutter, but simply watched her add shampoo and lather, humming “Let’s Misbehave.” A feeling swam in him that had nothing to do with lust. He shook it off and said, “Look at me. Chin up.”

Nelly pursed her lips and thrust her chin at him, giving him a saucy look. He clicked the shutter. She laughed at herself in the aftermath and he clicked the shutter. She crossed her arms across the edge of the bathtub, her bubs settled across them, and his lust returned lightning-fast. 

“You’ve got great tits,” he said, wanting to see if he could get her to blush on camera. He knew she half-hated, half-loved when he used language like that with her. 

“Bus,” she admonished. As predicted, there was the blush. 

He clicked. “What about touching one of ‘em?” 

She clucked her tongue, but cupped one breast and stared at him like she couldn’t wait to be fucked. His pulse was starting to thud in his ears. He straightened from his crouch and moved the tripod closer. Nelly gathered her hair in a bunch at the crown of her head and thrust her chest at him, smiling. It was a beautiful pose. “Now I’ve got to do the part that takes forever, rinsing.”

Buster peeked out from behind the camera. “You could rinse out in the shower.”

“If I do, will I have company?” She leaned forward on the tub again, her bubs so full and inviting he could practically feel them in his mouth. 

He nodded, his throat dry again, and stood so he could start the shower. When he announced the temperature was right, Nelly scurried, dripping, across the floor and into the metal cage. She flung her head back and the white shampoo foam sluiced down her hair and into the drain. Buster shed his robe and bathing suit and stepped into the shower, and she wound her arms around his neck and kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth. She was soft, warm, and slippery and he wanted nothing more than to make love to her again, but he intended to keep his promise about the prophylactics.

When her hair was rinsed and the water ran clear, he lowered himself to his knees. He always treasured the look that came into her eyes when she realized what he was about to do. She was slick and he pressed a finger into her as he swirled and flicked his tongue. It no longer took him very much time at all to make her come. On cue, she quickly began to writhe. If he could snap a photo of them doing this, he would.

She almost drowned him when she came, clutching his head against her and making the water flood into his face at an uncomfortable angle, but he didn’t care. He licked her until she pushed him away. 

“I want you,” she said with a whimper, when he rose again. 

The beast in him agreed, wanted to take her right then and there. He growled against her neck and rubbed himself on her. “Not without a thin,” he said, trying to be sensible. He also didn’t know if he could manage the angle. “You could kiss me,” he suggested, feeling breathless. 

Her eyes were heavy. She tugged at his prick. “Here?” 

“Mmm-hmm,” he said, his heartbeat drubbing in his ears. 

She sank to her knees. He watched her hollow her mouth over him, the fringe of her eyelashes downcast, hair fanned down her back and over her shoulders. His hand went to her hair and his eyes closed without him even knowing it. He endured the sweet torture of the silk heat of her mouth for all of two minutes before his climax roared up on him and he was a goner. Nelly kept him in her mouth and by the time he opened his eyes again, he wasn’t sure whether she had spat or swallowed. 

“That enough misbehaving for you?” she said, standing with a groan. 

He nodded, feeling weak and leaning back into the spray of the shower. 

They shared the soap and washed up. He found towels for them in the linen cabinet. Nelly twined her hair up in one and knotted the other between her breasts. She aimed the tripod at him as he toweled his hair. “Oh no,” he said. “Not in my birthday suit.”

She ignored him and fiddled with the focus. “You’ve got some of me in my birthday suit.”

“ ‘Cause it’s your birthday next week,” he said, tying the towel around his waist in haste. 

She gaped at him. “How on earth did you remember that?”

He’d filed it away during their weekend at the cabin, although he wasn’t about to ‘fess up. She wasn’t aware yet, but he’d planned a surprise for her at next Friday’s party that she didn’t know she was attending. “They say the spring means just one thing to little lovebirds …” he said, pulling his toothbrush out of the porcelain holder in the wall. 

Nelly clicked the shutter. “Fine, don’t answer. I do want a picture though. It’s only fair. Are you going to misbehave for me or not?”

He laughed at her persistence, and turned around and loosened his towel, but draped it in front of his prick instead of losing it altogether; he wasn’t interested in looking small in the picture. He gave her the deadpan that came so natural whenever a lens was aimed at him.

She laughed. “You’re so damn somber.”

He stared at her, deadpan. 

“Okay, just one more and I’ll leave you alone.”

As soon as she’d taken the picture and stood up, he offered her a full smile. He laughed as she swatted his rear end, and handed her a spare toothbrush. Nelly sat on the end of his bed and braided her hair a few minutes later, dressed in the cotton robe again. He busied himself carrying a down bedspread onto the bed on the sleeping porch and turning down the sheets. 

“Aren’t we sleeping in here?” Nelly said with an expression of concern when he took her hand. She was probably worrying he’d take her back to Natalie’s bedroom. 

“Uh-uh.” Once they were on the porch, she relaxed. There was a nip to the night air that was going to make the down comforter just the thing. He patted the bed. “Take off your robe.” She bared herself to him again and he was reminded afresh what a good idea it had been to take a mistress. He took his off and pulled the bedspread up to their shoulders. Nelly snuggled close, smelling like coconuts. Though he’d sneaked girls into his room several times before, he’d never dared bring one onto the porch.

The state of his marriage was always nagging him, like a cut he kept bumping and reopening, but snug under the covers with Nelly with the cold breeze playing against his face, he forgot it for the time being.

Notes: I’m early this week! It may be a longer wait for Chapter 31, though--that will be a long one and a pivotal one. Please exercise patience. Soundtrack: Irving Aaroson’s “Let’s Misbehave”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JctNtRfHRLU Pretty risque for a song from 1928!