#Probably not a smart idea to place it under the same name but meh

[kitteafountain]

If you're getting deja vu and are convinced you've seen this blog before, you have. The ops found me and I had to move. 🙏

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Two

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven,

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 3k+

Warnings: None... yet… Maybe need a filling for all the fluff I wrote in this part through...

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor (Eventual)

In This Part: Emma and Lena spend some time together. It’s not a date, even though they both wish it is.

The angst still hasn’t happened yet! Got probably two more parts to write before things get angsty! 

As always B!D is named.

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Taglist: @thewitchandtheassassin , @natasha-danvers , @life-is-hella-unfair , @finleyfray​, @supergirl-writingz​

Emma Danvers is happily playing on her Playstation, munching on popcorn and having some much needed rest time. The band are having a break from the farewell sold out world tour. With the holidays coming up they decided to split the tour up to allow them time with their families. The last part will be around America after the New Year. The last gig happening in National City, where their first major gig happened. Emma pushed this idea, finding it quite poetic to finish with the band in the place it all accelerated for them.

Emma didn’t mind the over a month long break. It meant she was home for Thanksgiving and spending more time hanging out with her sister’s, friends and Lena.

Speaking of Lena, the first thing Emma did when she was back in National City was to surprise the CEO on her birthday. She took her best friend to all their favourite hang outs that had a gift at each place until leading Lena back to her apartment where the Superfriend’s were waiting to celebrate with her. By the end of the day Lena was a tearful mess and thanked Emma as she held onto the blonde in a tight hug. 

Emma smiles at the memory and her eyes quickly look at the clock above the huge tv. They had planned to have dinner together tonight as recently Lena has been so busy planning Gala’s and Charity events as well as her CEO job, Lena hasn’t had much time to meet her friend individually.

Seeing it was time to get ready Emma smiles, saves the game and turns everything off. She gets up and bounces into her bedroom to change into some smart casual clothes.  

Quickly looking through her walk in wardrobe Emma picks out her favourite deep blue skinny jeans that make her legs and ass look incredible. A white lace shell top under a red blazer and black high heels. She finishes the outfit off with her layered necklace, a leather wrap around bracelet and natural looking makeup. She pulls her hair out of the high ponytail and lets her naturally wavy blonde hair fall around her shoulders.

Looking herself over in the mirror Emma nods and grabs her green clutch. Placing her keys, small journal and phone inside. Making her way down to the bug Emma hums a song she’s working on, but, as always, it’s not quite there yet.

Soon she pulls into L-Corp’s garage, the security guard waving her through. She parks in Lena’s space and gets out.

“Hi Miss Danvers!” The security guard calls and waves at her.

“Hi David!” Emma calls back as she locks the bug. She waves and smiles at him as she makes her way to the elevator.

When the elevator doors slide open Emma steps inside and presses the button for the top floor where Lena’s office is. Her phone pings inside her clutch and Emma gets it out. Smiling at the message Kara sent to the Danvers sisters group chat.

Kara: I hope you and Lena have a nice time tonight!

Emma goes to respond but a message from Alex appears below Kara’s.

Alex: Traitor.

Kara: What did I do?

Alex: Not you! Emma! It’s sister night!

Emma: Aww I’m sorry Alex, but this was the only evening Lena had free. I promise to make it up to you.

Alex: How?

Emma: Anything you want.

Kara: Yea I’m actually a bit annoyed too!

Emma snorts with laughter at Kara’s message. The doors slide open and Emma slowly exits the elevator as she composes her next text.

Emma: Same goes for you Kara. Also, here’s an idea… Why don’t you both meet up? *Le Gasp!*

Alex: Kara, I’ll be round in 30 mins!

Kara: Bring Potstickers please!

Alex: Already ordered!

Alex: Have a great evening Peanut!

Emma: Thanks! You too! Love you!

Kara: Love you too! (followed by hundreds of emoji’s that widens Emma’s smile.)

Alex: Love you too! (followed by a red heart emoji and means just as much to Emma.)

“Are you planning on coming in?” Lena’s bemused voice calls out.

Emma looks up and realises she stopped in the open doorway of Lena’s office.

“Meh, I’m okay here.” Emma cheekily says and hovers for a few seconds before approaching Lena’s desk.

The raven haired beauty smirks at her before looking down at the papers she was signing. Emma’s eyes wander over Lena’s torso, mainly her chest. How the off the shoulder black dress fits in all the right places. Emma can’t wait to see it fully when Lena stands. In the meantime, Emma goes right up to Lena and hugs her from behind.

“Hi.” Emma whispers and feels a sudden urge to kiss Lena’s neck and back, which is on show due to Lena’s high ponytail and the off the shoulder dress. It takes everything in her to not look down at Lena’s chest.

“Hi.” Lena responds in a breathy voice, almost like she senses what Emma is feeling. “I’m almost done.”

“Take your time.” Emma gives Lena a squeeze before pulling away and stepping out onto the balcony.

Lena’s hand moves swiftly across the pages as she signs the last of the papers for the Christmas Charity Concert L-Corp is organising for the Luthor Children’s Hospital next week.

When she’s finished Lena gathers them up in a neat pile and rises from her chair. She looks around her office to see where Emma is and pauses when she finds her on the balcony, looking out at the city. Lena can’t help but gaze up and down Emma’s toned body. When her eyes land on Emma’s shapely ass, she bites her lip slightly. But when Lena realises where her thoughts are going she quickly shakes her head and turns away, grabbing her handbag and clearing her throat.

“Ready to go?” Emma’s voice says behind her.

“Yes!” Lena says over her shoulder. “All done.”

“Great!” Emma walks up to Lena’s desk, her eyes going up and down as she takes in all of Lena. She goes to walk out of the office but is stopped by Lena’s hand on her shoulder.

“Can I have a proper hug now?” Lena smiles brightly at the blonde.

“Of course you can!” Emma wraps her arms around the CEO. Sighing happily when Lena’s arms do the same. “You seriously give the best hugs.”

“Don’t let your sister’s hear you say that!” Lena laughs into Emma’s neck, causing the blonde to shiver.

“Yea, they’d both have a fit!” Emma chuckles as she pulls away. She holds out her arm for Lena to take and they exit the office. “How’s your day been?” Emma asks while they walk to the elevator.

Lena sighs heavily as she presses the call button.

“That good huh?”

“Well, it's recently gotten a lot better.” Lena squeezes Emma’s arm. Her eyebrows almost shoot up when she feels the muscle underneath. She knows Emma is fit, but not that fit. The doors slide open stopping her train of thought and they both enter. Lena lets go and Emma leans against the side of the elevator, looking at her friend.

“Yea must be such a relief finishing for the day.”

“I meant seeing you, you dork.” Lena's smile widens when Emma throws back her head and laughs. Lena loves Emma’s voice but her laugh is pure magic. She could listen to it for days.

“I’m honoured. Seeing you has been the highlight of mine too.”

“But the night is still young.” Lena tilts her head.

“I can’t imagine anything that can top you.”

‘I wish you would.’ Lena thinks, almost biting her lip again. “What if the restaurant has Creme Brûlée?” She chooses to say instead.

Emma pouts her lips, as if deep in thought.

“Arse.” Lena shoves Emma’s shoulder lightly causing the blonde to laugh again.

“I think it would come a close second to you.”

Lena’s insides melt at that comment and she smiles shyly.

The doors slide open and Emma holds her arm out again, walking with Lena to the bug. She opens the passenger door for her friend.

“My how gentlewomanly!” Lena slides in and Emma closes the door beside her.

‘Cool it Em!’ The blonde berates herself. ‘This is not a date.’ Emma gets into the driver’s seat and starts the bug. ‘Rao I wish it was a date.’

“So, how was your day? Other than seeing me being the highlight?” Lena asks as Emma pulls out of the garage, waving at the security guard as they pass.

“It was… okay?”

“Is that a statement or a question?”

“Er… I mean, I went for a 10k run and did some weight lifting. Worked a bit on a song, played Mass Effect.” Emma shrugs. “It’s been a very general day for me.”

“How you run 10k and do weights everyday is beyond me.”

“It’s fun!”

“If you say so darling.” Lena laughs and rolls her eyes.

“I do say so!” Emma laughs too. “But I do have recovery days as well.”

A noticeable drum beat starts on the radio and Emma whoops, recognising it as one of her current favourite songs. She turns the volume up high and dances along. Smiling brightly when Lena joins in. Not caring that people can see them when they wait at a red light.

A few do a double take as they walk past the bug and wave when they realise it is Emma in the yellow VW and Emma waves back with a smile. Generally fans in National City are respectable to Emma’s privacy and space. When fans do approach her Emma is always polite and will always give them her time. One such time she sat with an kind, eldery lady who had approached her while Emma was sat on a bench at the park. She gushed at how Emma’s music had helped her during the loss of her husband. Tears fell down her old cheeks and Emma gave her a tissue. The blonde listened to the many stories the eldery woman had and gave her a hug when they had to part ways.

Soon Emma and Lena pull up outside the restaurant and valet jumps to open Lena’s door. Emma reluctantly gets out to let the valet drive the bug to the parking area.

“The bug will be fine darling.” Lena says taking a hold of Emma’s hand as the blonde watches the yellow VW be driven away.

Emma weaves her fingers through Lena’s and smiles at her crush. Nodding she walks to the entrance and takes the elevator up to the top floors where the restaurant is.

“Ah! Ms. Luthor and Ms. Danvers! Welcome back!” The host greets them warmly before showing them to their favourite table in a secluded corner by the window. Emma especially loves the view. They are given the menus and the specials for the day. Emma quickly scans through but she already knows what she is ordering.

While they wait for the food the two women catch up. Chatting about anything and everything. Smiles permanently on their faces.

“So how’s things for the events going?” Emma asks while sipping on her Pepsi Max. She’s never been a lover of alcohol, seeing the effects it has on Alex and her peers put her off for life.

“It’s-” Lena pauses for a moment.

“Lee?” Emma frowns.

“Well, we’ve hit a bit of a road block.” Lena sits up a bit straighter. “You know the concert happening next week?”

Emma nods and she tilts her head. She’d already got her ticket with the Superfriends and was planning on anomalously donating a large sum of money to the children’s hospital.

“Well, the act had to pull out and I’m not sure where to find a replacement so quickly. I would ask you but I know this is your rest time and I completely respect that-”

“Lee!” Emma reaches out and takes a hold of Lena’s hand on top of the table. Lena’s cheeks start to blush, but she is blaming the red wine she is drinking. “Take a breath!” Lena does.

“Sorry, it’s just been a bit stressful.”

“I bet.” Emma says sympathetically. “But, I would love to help.”

“Really?”

“Of course! I know of a great gospel choir that could sing with me. Would actually be nice doing something different to country, you know?”

And Lena did know. Emma’s singing voice didn’t naturally have the country tone so she did have to add it in. Lena had been blown away one time when she heard Emma’s natural tone. She had been waiting for Emma to finish in the shower and she heard her voice singing out. Doing runs and riffs that had Lena’s jaw hitting the floor. Lena even got closer and stood by the door to listen better. When Lena heard Emma approach the door she quickly and quietly scurried away.

“Yes, would do you good to try something different too? For your solo career? Let the fans hear more of what you can do.”

“That’s if they want to hear it.” Emma looks away at the city below them, her insecurities bubbling to the surface.

“They would be fools not to Em.” Lena squeezes Emma’s hand and the blonde looks back at her.

“Thanks.” Emma gives Lena a small smile. The anxiety of stepping out into her solo career still worries her. “So-” Emma lets go of Lena’s hand and takes out the journal from her clutch. Opening it and clicking her pen. Her mind switching into work mode as she thinks about the concert. “What songs would you want in the set? And for how long? Do you want the audience to sing along? Will you give a speech?”

Lena pauses as she sips her wine. “Well… I guess the classics and no I don’t think the audience need to participate. It’s not a carol service. You have free rein other than it needs to be wrapping up around 9pm. A speech will be given, probably from someone from the hospital rather than me. Maybe ten or twelve songs, allowing the speech to be near the end and have an upbeat song to finish.”

“Okay.” Emma makes some notes and song ideas. She grins as a surge of excitement hits her. “Can I be a bit rude and message the lead of the choir, Karen?”

“You may. I mean I have dumped this on you.” Lena laughs and takes a sip of her wine while Emma gets her phone out.

“Er… Will the choir be paid?” Emma looks up at her. “I mean I can pay them, that’s no issue. Forget I said anything.”

“Em! It’s okay. And yes the choir will be paid. Ask them what they, Karen? Charges.”

Emma nods and quickly sends Karen a message. Who responds instantly in all capital letters that they will definitely perform with her at the concert and, in Emma’s opinion, quite a low price. Emma sends a message back confirming a time to meet the next day to go over ideas and songs. Already planning a set list in her head.

Lena watches Emma with a smile on her face. How Emma starts to radiate even more with her excitement.

The food soon arrives and like a true Danvers Emma digs right in.

“Oh Lee!” Emma moans, causing Lena’s brain to short circuit. “You need to try this!” Emma puts a piece of her food on her fork and holds it out for Lena. She watches as the raven haired beauty leans forward and slowly wraps her mouth around her fork. Emma swallows thickly when Lena moans too.

“That is delicious.” Lena agrees. “Do you want to taste mine?”

“Sure.” Emma waits for Lena to cut into the food and hold the fork out to her. And like Lena, Emma tilts forward, keeping her eyes on the raven haired beauty as she wraps her mouth around the fork. Emma can’t help the sound of pleasure that escapes her lips as she tastes the food. Closing her eyes briefly and when she opens them she swears she sees Lena biting her lip. “Wow, you made a good choice there.”

“I’m not sharing!” Lena laughs and starts eating again.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Emma says before digging in.

However they do share a Créme Brûlée and Lena has to clench her legs together when Emma sounds like she’s having a mouth orgasm with every bite.

“Okay, no, maybe this is the highlight of my day.” Emma says while licking the spoon and winking at a blushing Lena.

“I don’t know whether I should be offended or not.” Lena raises an eyebrow at the blonde.

“Nah, nothing compares to you Lena. You know that.”

The two women smile softly at each other before continuing their conquest of devouring the dessert.

When it’s time to leave Lena is having an intense tug of war with herself. She wants to come clean. To reveal to Emma that her feelings have gone deeper than friendship. As Emma drives her back to her apartment Lena wants to ask Emma to come up with her. But her past stops her from talking.

“Lee?” Emma notices how quiet Lena has gotten. “You okay?”

“Yea.” Lena says softly.

“You sure?” Emma presses further, knowing Lena is not fine.

“Yes, just tired I guess.”

“I bet you are!” Emma knows this is only partly the truth. Instead she drops it and gives Lena a sympathetic smile. “I really appreciate you spending time with me. I really do mean it when I say it's the highlight of my day, well week, even month! And I know how busy you are around this time of year, so thank you.”

“You’re welcome love.” Lena can’t deny the warmth that fills her heart. “It’s been the highlight of my month too.”

All too soon Emma is parked outside of Lena’s apartment building. “Well, thanks again. Shall I let you know the order of songs etc?”

Lena nods. “You can also send it to Jess as well.”

“Will do.” Emma smiles brightly and leans forward, opening her arms up for a hug. Lena happily falls into them. “Love you Lee.”

“Love you too Em.” ‘More than you’ll ever know.’

They sit like this for a while, just enjoying being in each other’s arms. Lena finally pulls away, knowing if she doesn’t go she will never leave.

“Good night.” She says while opening the door.

“Night. Sleep well!”

Lena is about to step out of the bug when she thinks ‘Fuck it!’ Lena leans back over to Emma and places a kiss on the corner of Emma’s mouth.“You too.” She quickly gets out of the car and enters the building. If she’d looked back she would have seen the brightest smile on Emma’s face as she watches her go.

(Part Three)

[cycat4077]

Reunited

Summary: You reconnect with an old college friend only to find that your past comes back to haunt you. Set during summer 2016 (S17). Pairing: Sonny x Reader Warnings: Mild cussing, some angst, some feelings and dialogue (sorry) Words: 3247 AO3 here

Part 8 of the Changes verse. Masterlist here if you're interested :) (Could probably read as a stand alone fic if you’re not into series.)

A/N: I really wanted to give my main character a friend and ‘Sydney’ popped into my brain. Also, do y'all remember back in 2015 when Sonny said he had an ex at the LAPD? Yeah, me too. So I took the liberty of using it :P Sorry this fic is kind of meh (On a separate note, the pic doesn’t necessarily mean the reader is blonde. I just thought a Sonny hug would be fitting!)

"Sydney?" you question, walking slowly up to the blonde who stands collecting her order at the campus coffee shop.

Immediately she spins on her heels and her face lights up with recognition. "Oh my goodness!" she exclaims, raising her arms to embrace you.

You and Sydney had graduated together from the master’s of education program; she, with a background in English lit and you, in biology. Despite being from different disciplines, you often worked on projects together and used your contrasting perspectives to bounce ideas between brains. As a result, Sydney became a close friend. But, as too often happens when people part ways, life whizzed by quicker than the two of you could stay in touch.

Now however, as you set foot on your new campus for a summer orientation workshop, you are thrilled to see a friendly and familiar face.

"What are you doin’ here, girl?!" she asks with the same enthusiastic energy you remember her for.

"New job!" you reply cheerfully.

"Ahh! That's awesome!" she squeals. "It'll be like old times! I've been in the English department for a few years now and I just love it."

You smile fondly. "I always knew you'd move back here.”

"Yup! You can take the girl outta the city…and all that stuff,” Sydney sweeps her silky locks behind her ear, “but I am surprised to see ‘little miss rural’ out this way!"

You raise your hands and shrug. "Me too! Though, opportunity knocked and I couldn't turn it down. Actually, this is my second teaching gig in Manhattan. I won't name names, but I got booted from my last one when a prof crawled out of retirement." You frown towards the ground, the wound still fresh.

"Bastards," Sydney mumbles under her breath. "That musta been rough, but I'm glad you're on the rebound." She offers you a hopeful smile. "You liking NYC then, since you ended up sticking around?" "It's alright. Different,” you admit. “I just moved in with my boyfriend though and he's slowly but surely converting me."

Sydney lets out another delighted squeal. During your college days she was always trying to get you to date. You told her about your past and she swore to avenge you. Unfortunately, her best efforts involved dragging you to parties and other social events where ultimately you ended up preventing her from making the bad decisions. Still, she cared about you and her genuine excitement over your relationship success makes you realize just how much you had missed her.

"I'm so happy for you! Is he cute? Is he smart? Does he work on campus?" She stretches her neck to look behind you as if Sonny is tucked away nearby.

You chuckle. "Nuh-no. He's an SVU detective. That's how we met actually." Her face falls with worry and you quickly elaborate. "I took a summer job there last year and we just clicked. He's really great." You smile proudly, stopping yourself from bragging Sonny too much.

"Aw, hon, I'm so excited for you!"

"Thanks! Hey, are you still with Geoff?"

"Hell no!" she fires quickly. "Caught that ess-oh-bee sneaking around behind my back so I kicked his ass to the curb. But it’s fine. I'm enjoying the single life and New York has just what I need!"

You smile. Same old Sydney. "Well, I'm glad you're all right and I'm thrilled we're here together! We have a lot of catching up to do! In fact, you should come by our place sometime."

"Absolutely! I'd love that!” she grins enthusiastically. “And that means I'd get to meet the man who swooped my shy science-nerdette off her feet!"

A blush creeps over your cheeks. "Did I mention he's an amazing cook?"

Sydney covers her heart like she's been shot. "You did now! So, I'll be holding you to a meal, you here me?" She glares playfully at you as she backs up towards the door.

You laugh and wave her goodbye. Sydney turns into her smiling self as she spins around and leaves.

-x-

"Wheh!" huffs the blonde standing in the doorway to your apartment. She’s just gotten her first glance at Dominick "Sonny" Carisi, Jr. "Ya didn't tell me he was such a looker!”

You swat her arm playfully. "Down girl."

"Hey there," smiles Sonny as he lumbers towards the front door. He's dressed himself in a pressed shirt and slacks for the occasion and he looks absolutely gorgeous. "I'm Sonny, nice ta meet ya," he continues, extending a hand in greeting.

"Ooh, Staten Island," she remarks, accepting his gesture. "Nice to meet ya too. I'm Sydney."

Sonny chuckles and points out her accuracy with a raised finger. "That Brooklyn I hear?" he counters.

"Sure is!" Sydney releases a laugh that’s as smooth and as charming as she is.

"Come on in," Sonny gestures towards your cozy little apartment. She steps forward, making herself at home just as she would always do when the two of you would visit somewhere new.

The evening transpires with a lovely dinner followed by story swapping, playing catch-up and allowing Sonny and Sydney to get acquainted. As the evening wears on however, an uneasy feeling settles in your stomach.

Of course, it's wonderful to have Sydney back in your life – she’s one of the few people with whom you had allowed yourself to really open up. But as you listen to her and Sonny talk about growing up in the Boroughs, it's hard not to feel just a little out of place. There's so much you don't understand. So much that you don’t share in common with them. The best you can do is smile and nod along as the conversation flows.

Sydney is an extrovert through and through. She converses with others easily and can win them over with her natural charisma. Sonny too has the gift of the gab, and the pair seem to be hitting it off really well.

By now you’ve lost track of what they’re saying, instead listening to your inner voice. It's selfish and petty to be feeling this way, but there's a small part of you that is sad...jealous, you suppose. Maybe Sonny would prefer to have someone who knows what it’s like to grow up in the city surrounded by a bunch of siblings. Someone who is talkative and charming instead of quiet and shy. Not only that, but Sydney is gorgeous, with her luscious blonde hair and winsome smile. She always draws the eye of every person in a room. You don’t resent her for it by any means, it's just that you’ve never been in a relationship when she was around and so you’ve never had to worry about a significant other falling for her.

Were you that insecure about yourself that you could feel this way? That you had to worry your boyfriend, your Sonny, would be swept off his feet? It wasn't fair to either of them. Sydney has always been kind to you and you hate feeling any jealousy towards her. But worst of all, it’s not fair to Sonny. You know he loves you. He doesn't care that you’re not a supermodel and he is genuine when he tells you that you're beautiful. He loves you for who you are…No other guy has ever done that before. And that's why you're so torn up right now. You shouldn't be feeling jealous or worried, yet you are and it makes your stomach churn!

"Doll?" a soft voice startles you from your thoughts.

"Hmm?" you respond, trying to act casual.

Sydney jumps in. "We’re comparing notes on the best hidden gem restaurants around the city and Sonny says you love a little Italian spot in Tribeca.”

"Oh yeah,” you mutter. “Great alfredo."

Sonny’s brow knits, clearly sensing something is off. His blue eyes narrow and lips purse. "It's a bit pricey," he states, putting an arm around you. The action knocks you off balance as he draws you to him. "But I like ta spoil my girl from time ta time." Sonny unleashes one of his signature smiles, squeezing you ever so slightly in hopes of easing whatever seems to be on your mind.

"Aww, you two!" coos Sydney affectionately.

-x-

It's late evening by the time Sydney is thanking you for dinner and heading home. You and Sonny work in silence tidying up after your guest. And in that silence, your mind once again resorts to fabricating nagging thoughts of Sydney and Sonny. Moments are replayed with emphasis on how naturally they seemed to get along. But it’s that same silence which causes Sonny to speak up.

"What's wrong, doll?" he asks, pausing to lean up against the counter.

"Huh?" you reply with confusion.

"Somethin's up. I can tell. You were kinda distant earlier too." It’s not a question; he knows you too well.

"Nothing," you lie, trying to refocus on wiping down the table. How can you admit any of this to him?

"Tell me. Please," he begs, bending his head down to try and meet your gaze.

"I don't know,” you wring the dishtowel in your hands, “it's just…I kind of felt out of the loop sometimes tonight."

"Whaddya mean?" his eyebrows shoot up with concern.

"Well, you and Sydney hit it off so well..." Your voice trails off for a moment before you finally meet Sonny’s blue eyes. "Sydney's beautiful and charming and easy to get along with.”

“And you're not?”

The bluntness of his question hits you like a ton of bricks. “But…but she's from here,” you argue, tears starting to prickle at your eyes. “That's one thing I'll never have in common with you!”

Sonny stares at you in utter disbelief. “Doll,” his voice drops down to a soft note, “that means nothin’. I love that you're from outta town. You're more naive to the city ‘n I can see that there's still things about New York that excites ya. The lights on Broadway or the view of Lady Liberty in the harbor. Your pretty eyes absolutely light up! It’s so easy to get lost in the hustle ‘n bustle, but you remind me to stop ‘n appreciate all the little things too.”

Sonny’s now standing directly in front of you. He grabs your hands in his. “And don't even get me started about havin’ things in common.” A cheerful smile forms on his lips and his eyes crinkle at the corners. “You ‘n I share odd tastes in movies ‘n we're both suckas for nostalgia when it comes ta music. But that's just the tip of the iceberg! The most important thing we share is our values. Family is priority numba one, ‘n you have no idea how long I've waited to meet someone who believes that too. It…it hurts me knowin' that you would ever doubt my love for ya.”

Those words cause you to fall apart and the tears you’ve been holding back trickle down your cheek. You cram your eyes shut, heart aching over the thought of making Sonny feel any pain. At the same time however, he also deserves to know why you still have your doubts.

You open your eyes to a warm hand caressing your cheek. It’s a gentle nudge to have you look at him. You find Sonny searching your features, so you interlace your fingers with his and gently tug him towards the sofa.

Sitting down beside you, Sonny gathers your legs to place atop of his. The closeness makes you feel safe as you mentally prepare yourself to tell all. You take a deep breath and glance up to a loving, encouraging smile pasted across on your boyfriend's features. “Sometimes I get worried that I’ll scare you off,” you tell him.

Immediately he interjects, rubbing your knee soothingly. “That’s nonsense, doll.”

“I know,” you say half-heartedly, “but it’s more to do with my own self-doubt.” Sonny’s expression saddens and he reaches out for your hand. You take it, linking your pinky with his. “Back when I was a biology student, there was this guy taking the same classes as me. He was a year or two older and we got along really well. We shared a lot of common interests. You know, movies and sports and all that stuff. It led us to spend a lot of time together during our free periods. He started doing these little things that seemed so affectionate. For instance, trying to sit tight beside me or asking to hold my hand. He paid me all kinds of compliments and even told me I was beautiful. Needless to say, I fell for him hard.” You pause, fiddling with Sonny’s finger. You had forgotten how much this all hurt to talk about.

Rubbing a hand across your forehead you continue. “One day, I worked up the courage to ask him out. But that’s when things spiraled downhill. He got really defensive and flat out said that he didn’t feel anything for me. That all the little things which I thought meant flirting were actually meaningless and, that I was crazy for thinking otherwise. To add insult to injury, he also said I was too young for him.” Sonny’s shoulders drop and he squeezes your hand a little tighter. “All I could manage was a lame ‘okay’ and left. I cried for weeks and it really threw me through a loop. I’ve been insecure about my feelings ever since. I felt humiliated and embarrassed for being fooled by his charms and for allowing myself to love him. So, I just buckled down and focused on my education, never really trusting myself to openly fall in love again. I was scared of making the same mistake – that is, until I met you.”

With your soul bared, Sonny swiftly pulls you into a hug. He holds you tight, warmth surrounding you as if he hoped it would melt away your pain. You press your face into the crook of his neck, giving him a soft kiss.

Sonny leans back, trailing his hands down your arms. “None of that was your fault, sweetheart,” he reassures. “That guy was a prick who needed ta lead ya on ta make himself feel important. Guys like that enjoy havin’ a girl’s affection, but the moment ya had the balls to tell him how ya felt he was too insecure ‘n pushed ya away. But y’know what?” he pats your arms lightly. “That’s his loss because ya have the biggest heart of any person I’ve ever met. N’ I’m lucky to be the one who gets ta be on the receiving end.”

His compliment makes you smile sheepishly. “Thank you, Sonny.” You truly love this man with all your heart. “I’ve tried not to let it affect me – affect us – but it’s one of those things that festers in the back of your mind.”

“I know,” he agrees. “It’s normal.” You watch as he looks away for a moment and swallows thickly. “I neva told ya this before, but I went through somethin’ like that myself…”

With Sonny being a chatterbox and sometimes oversharing information, it comes as a surprise that he too is guarding a part of himself. You flash him a reassuring smile, once again linking your fingers as a silent offer of your support.

And so, he begins. “I spent a year in California when I got out of the academy. There was this rotation at the LAPD ‘n I was young ‘n thought it would be really cool to get outta New York. Turns out I immediately fell head over heels for one of their young detectives. One bat of her eyelashes ‘n I was a goner. We ended up askin’ each other out ‘n life seemed great. Fancy dinners ‘n presents I couldn’t really afford. But at the time, it all seemed worth it because we were happy.” Sonny turns shy as he speaks and you feel a twinge in your gut. It had never occurred to you that he had been in love before you came along.

He looks up to the ceiling as if he dreaded the next lines of his story. “Then my contract was up. I thought we were a strong enough couple to stick together, so I asked her to be move back to New York with me. I said that we could be closer to my family ‘n that they were dyin’ to meet ‘er. But…we didn’t see eye to eye on that.” Sonny releases a sigh. “Yeah, she told me that she moved to LA to get away from family n’ that she loved it too much out there to up and leave. I was dumb ‘n in love ‘n I just didn’t get it. I offered to stay with her instead but she gave me the ol' speech: Yourra nice guy, Sonny, but we have different paces to life. It would never work out.”

You whisper his name, heart shattering on his behalf. He looks to you with a furrowed brow and continues. “I gave her my whole heart ‘n she wasn’t even willin’ to make an effort to keep us togetha. I don’t like to admit it very often, but I was a mess. I flew back to New York ‘n not long after joined law school. Then I ended up bouncin’ around the Boroughs until I met you.” Sonny’s face warms. His eyes sparkle and he unleashes a smile. “Now the whole world seems right! We can be ourselves around each other. I know I have my flaws, but you’d never judge me for ‘em. Instead, ya love ‘em too ‘n I hope ya know that it’s a two-way street from me.”

Now it’s your turn to smile. You remove your legs from him to cuddle under his arm. Sonny wraps around you and kisses the top of your head. “I love you, Sonny,” you mouth into his chest.

“Love ya too, sweetheart.”

You lean back to caress his cheek with your palm. “I think we have another thing in common,” you offer and Sonny peers at you inquisitively. “We fall in love easily.”

Sonny chuckles. “Yeah, it’s like you’re divin’ into tha deep end head first, but ya only find out it’s too shallow once you’re already leapin’.”

You nod your head in agreement. “It’s funny how that stuff always lingers with you. Like a scar that keeps scabbing over. When you jump off the swings as a kid and scrape your knee, you’ll see that scar afterwards and your brain reminds you to never do that again! It’s a shame that the same thing happens when your heart gets hurt. I always felt like I was scared to put myself out there over the fear of being heartbroken again.”

Sonny hums understandingly. “But,” he says, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, “when the right person comes along, all that hurt disappears. Because this time,” he smiles affectionately, “when you jump off the swing, there’ll be someone there to catch you.”

Your serious faces contort into goofy smiles. “See? What did I tell ya, doll? We’re so alike that we even share a knack for makin’ up dumb analogies.” Sonny’s eyes once again crinkle at the corners and he shifts to kiss your temple.

Leaning into his touch, you close your eyes and savor the moment. It feels good to clear the air like this and to be able to forge a connection that’s just that much deeper.

---

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you’re interested in being part of a tag-list. Any and all feedback is loved :)

Part 9, “Stuck-On Cheese” is up here

[she-toadmask]

I’m kind of in a mood suddenly so below the cut there will be me just talking about fanfics I have read or am reading and why I like fanfic and stuff because I need to just

Fanfiction fucking rocks the basic part before all the stuff about it as the story just...it’s so easy to access and there’s so much and it’s just all there on the internet I don’t have to find a physical book

And on AO3 (where 90% of good currently-updating fic is afaik) there is TAGGING where you will know what you’re getting into (unless the author suddenly adds a sex scene and only then updates the tags but at least they give a warning at the start of the chapter but it doesn’t bother me as much as it did a couple years ago as long as I know it’s coming I know it’s a tool and it has its uses) with character drama and deaths and all that jazz not to mention how Ash being a badass has a specific tag and just other random things having tags that are important parts of the story

Like there are multiple fics I have found (not all of them are living fics sadly) of writing Ash’s journey in the beginning differently, like there was one I saw once that I kind of forgot to keep reading where he went to Sinnoh (and was still rivals with Paul and I think their ship tag was there?) and it said it was following game plot and then there’s one that I definitely don’t have open anymore because it didn’t update for some amount of time where he had a Joltik and then a Ferroseed and it’s really cool and a different one that’s still living and it’s called Pity of the World and Jesse + James (who is genderfluid in this fic) + Meowth are good people and stuff and just steal abused Pokemon and they run into Ash and they all end up being travel buddies and Ash understands Pokemon (not literally of course that’s not this fic) and also just knows what James’ gender is before they say anything and also in one chapter Zapdos is in Gringy City and says something about friendship being for mortals or something??? idk we’ll see and then there’s a different fic that I was reading and lost when switching devices and Ash was raised by Pokemon and literally can speak Pokemon and it was really neat but I haven’t tried to find where I left off because I’m too lazy for that tbh but it is still updating it’s Symbiosis or Symbiotic or something like that

Most things involving Ash that aren’t shippy or weird like that (ok there are some I’m not interested in but whapdfajaldjakjdf) end up being really cool because he’s a fucking legendary magnet which can either be played for laughs or deadly serious or just not be part of the fic if it isn’t relevant and so many fics use Aura it’s really cool (including Pity of the World I think he mega evolves Pidgeot (who evolves before leaving) when he fights Sabrina who does not have a doll in this fic) and there are different ways they do it and the thing I was mentioning about his connection with Pokemon like maybe it’s just a bit more than normal or it’s just yes he is everything and I kinda skipped out on gens 6 and 7 of the anime but I get enough to understand what they mean in chat fics and when referring to it in other fics it’s really cool

I think I mentioned Creepypasta and how there were two Harry Potter Creepypasta fics, one that was one and was slow to update if it wasn’t dead and one that was on the fourth one actually I was wrong about what number it was I think and updates every two weeks the first one is more lighthearted/written by a younger person like Slendy is a character and Harry x a lot of the ‘pastas I guess and it takes place starting before 4th year and the beginning is kinda meh with some weird dialogue and absurd levels of Dumbledore Ron and Hermione bashing but it does call out some of the other legitimate problems like how the lake trial in the tournament just kidnaps people which is very big because it was Ben who was kidnapped so big yikes there and honestly it’s not what you want to read if you want something really high-quality and serious like not that it doesn’t take itself seriously but it feels closer to something I would have read when I was in middle school than most of the Sanders Sides fics I read (just using that as comparison because the vast majority of that is well-written stuff). Then the other one!!!! For one it has a much more realistic/developed take on the Creepypastas’ existence like how the stories are how they exist with Slenderman being a cosmic horror being thing more than a character with character which is always really cool and Jeff kidnaps Harry as a baby (he is Boy when he is with the Creepypasta and Harry when at Hogwarts and there’s some really cool stuff about how they’re different) and, having lived with murderers, Harry gives zero fucks about things and kills Fluffy in the first book long before other stuff happens, Quirrel tries to use him to get the stone but gets annihilated at the mirror because family and then Voldemort is just a giant white snake for the rest of the series so far and also because he sucks Lockhart tries to exorcise Harry because Harry is fucking nuts and it’s great and also Harry is a Hufflepuff and there is probably more Gryffindor bashing than is necessary and pretty much all the adults get bashed for sucking (like in book 3 the boggart stuff is called out for being hella dangerous for them also Harry can’t cast the Patronus charm make of that what you will idk what) though Harry does make for quite the conversation topic among the teachers, Harry x Neville is the main ship and Neville eventually gets resorted into Hufflepuff because the Gryffindors are being massive dicks to him, also Harry flirts with Draco because Harry gives no fucks and it’s great (also both books give Luna lots of love, like the young one she’s a Seer like from Madame Macabre’s old webcomic that’s dead as it gets and the long one she’s just a good character and shit) and Harry makes these books to spread Slenderman’s legend throughout Britain/the Wizarding World and Draco may have gotten one and survived???? but now Neville has one during the summer months (and also through feeding Fanged Geraniums or whatever live stuff and blood instead of bonemeal he is creating Audrey II and straight-up says something about having to call it Harry Jr. but that’s probably just a little joke and isn’t going to stay beyond this but it’s just fun because Little Shop of Horrors slaps) and I have big fear about him doing the stuff and getting hurt and Harry/Boy conflict will be scary

There’s this other fic I found when trying to find good fics involving Ash and it’s kinda weird and seems to be written by a younger author but we’ll see where things go, like Harry got transported by Celebi to the world of Pokemon and Giovanni is Silver and Ash’s dad and they live with him and also Harry does too and he’s in a wheelchair and also is really smart and I wish we had gotten to spend a bit longer seeing their dynamics before when Harry is 14 the Goblet of Fire somehow spits his name out and Celebi helps with getting Harry (and also the other three because of course) safely there without dying because dimensional travel is hard and Celebi is friend and Luna gets to be important here too I think she’s shown up as a named student and guided them to a room and seems to know things about the castle and that’s kinda all there is so far there’s a bit more but it’s not got a lot yet I hope the author keeps going it’s a weird idea but I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes

Oh I forgot to talk about it but there’s this whump Ash fic that was being written under one title but it got dropped and now it’s being rewritten with the same concept but under a new title and going about a lot of things a different way it’s just the same starting premise and the fic is Helpless and Ash almost dies multiple times and there’s this theme of adults failing him and also Gary fucks a thing up and Ash needs support and therapy (a good number of fics have Ash needing therapy but given the shit he’s been through that is not surprising especially from my limited knowledge of Kalos holy shit Lysandre was doing some mad shit) and it’s just good but it is a lot of hospital and Ash being hurt and almost dying so be warned if that isn’t a safe read for you

The reason I don’t just outright block explicit anymore despite the horrors of trying to find safe Pokemon fic on AO3 amidst the consensual porn, incest porn, pokephilia porn, etc., is I randomly decided to try and find some Sonic fanfic on AO3 because a couple people on YouTube have been doing Sonic story stuff (Sonic What If has some good stuff that’s just... what-if scenarios and then there’s Sonic Rewritten which takes a game’s plot and then redoes it but good like the Deadly Six having personalities or Sonic 06 not having maybe bestiality or Generations being more than ‘oh past and present stages now have nostalgia’ and Robotnik and Eggman are significantly different people in that one and it’s really cool) and I thought maybe I would find some good stuff on AO3 (which I have but nothing that I want to ramble about specifically though there was one fic where Eggman does Tails clone and then his original body dies so he’s stuck looking like Tails and it’s kinda wild) and I found a fic that was marked explicit because torture and violence (honestly it wasn’t that bad) and I like it and don’t want to miss something that I might like by accidentally blocking it and now when I try to find Pokemon fic I have to see Leon x Hop and Pokemon x human smut.

There’s one Sanders Sides fic that I was reading and I don’t remember the name nor do I know if it’s updating I think I lost it but it started from the beginning of the series with the Dark Sides being a platonic poly family and when they weren’t in the episode they were talking about it/the Light Sides and it’s honestly really really good and the author just decided to have Deceit’s name be Janus and it was amazing when it turned out that was his real name it was just great but IDK if the fic has been abandoned, I think I lost it in the shift, but it was really good (but sympathetic dark sides and unsympathetic patton and roman and logan for a bit so do be warned if those aren’t comfortable for you)

Oh yeah I remembered another fic I can talk about there was this one Creepypasta fic and it’s completed and it is a Jeff x Reader but it kind of just stops being about the romance after a certain point and just goes way off the rails. It starts like ‘oh this will be a normal x reader with mansion and Slendy is dad and Zalgo is probably evil’ and then NOPE SLENDERMAN HAS BEEN RAISING FAMILIES THAT LOVE HIM TO TURN THEM INTO CRYSTALS TO MAKE HIM MORE POWERFUL AND ZALGO IS AGAINST THAT and it just is great like I never see Zalgo being good, like Slenderman being evil or whatever is plenty common (especially in the innumerable ARG fics I don’t read because I don’t have the attention span to learn what the fuck the source is) but never in tandem with Zalgo being anything but chaotic evil n shit it’s wild and it’s great and also Slenderman’s parents have faces I guess idk that was weird also there is one smut chapter but like the author said you can skip the smut and I did and didn’t feel like I missed any plot stuff so if that’s a no for you just keep an eye out for the author’s warning. It is by a younger writer, as demonstrated by its daily updates while it was being written, tiny chapters, and some general writing style stuff common to younger writers, but honestly I just love it for being something so wildly different, under the guise of a typical x Reader fic.

Speaking of ship stuff and Creepypasta the trilogy of Sans x Creepypasta fics are amazing. The writer definitely improves over time, the beginning of the first book kind of has the weird ‘then I knew I was in love’ stuff from a couple of the pastas (then again I’m ace and demiro so starting romance is just generally weird) but it is just a really good series. Sans ends up with seven kids in the third book and, while everyone else in the Undertale cast is bashed in the first two, Papyrus does seem to get some redemption in the third, so there is that. Also Murderer Sans is a fantastic tag, Gaster made a deal with Zalgo to create the skelebros and Sans is more demon than Papyrus by a lot and Zalgo is trying to kidnap Sans and Sans’ children so he has his family together to destroy the world and wander free and it’s wild and also Chara and Flowey show up and also LJ being an angel is mentioned and relevant to the plot for a bit so that’s neat and I don’t know all the details of how it ends because I lost it when I shifted and didn’t want to find where I was but it’s a great fic (albeit with a few things I can argue on) and the author has also been writing other Sans x Creepypasta stuff but I haven’t read it because idk

I really wish I had a good Minecraft fanfic to gush about but I really don’t it’s hard to find Minecraft fic that isn’t tuber-based, either Dream and friends (which occasionally I find a good one but so much is either Dream SMP which I have no interest in getting into, involves people I don’t know from Dream SMP, or just is shippy or straight-up doesn’t have a premise I’m interested in) or Hermitcraft (I fell behind so I have no idea what’s happening anymore) (but also like Mianite and Aphmau stuff but not as much as used to, but now Dream rules all so), and it just sucks. Like if some of it was Team Crafted fic I would be on board like hell yeah give me that nostalgia juice but it’s so much shit I just don’t know. I love the idea of Minecraft fanfic because there are so many options for the world and you can either make your own characters and you probably have to but then there’s just if you use Steve Alex Herobrine or Notch how they are written depends on the author and I live for that shit it’s a big part of why I read Creepypasta fic it’s because I like when there are different ways characters can be done (not unsympathetic or sympathetic like Patton so much like straight-up different characters) like Herobrine and Notch are the big ones like good vs evil, involved vs not, serious vs comedic, there are so many different ways to play them and I’m so disappointed AO3 doesn’t have much of it and so much of it is just Dream stuff and it usually just isn’t what I’m after in a fic.

The only other fics coming to mind right now are two wildly different fics involving Springtrap x Reader, one of them is being transferred from Wattpad for copy reasons, complete with tiny-ass chapters and that language that’s just so middle-school in the best way possible (like William and Springtrap are different consciousnesses and they way the author describes their struggle at one point is just so similar to a stupid thing I did and I have so much affection for it) and the other is legitimately really really good and the reader-insert has recently found out that Springtrap is William Afton and has murdered many children and they are currently dying multiple times to help his victims pass on because they can see ghosts and it’s actually really good and I have no idea where things are going, reader has currently met up with Michael Afton, currently all purple and dead and stuff, and has learned about remnant (weird-ass shit from modern FNAF lore) and it’s getting wild. I feel like there are two types of FNAF fic, ones in the style of FNAF 3/4 and earlier and ones from maybe 4 onward. Like ones where the lore was basically ‘bad man committed murder against children and they’re possessing the animatronics and that’s why they’re trying to kill you’ and then 4 starts having some more expansive lore ish and then after that it just goes everywhere with remnant and scooping and even more locations and also the books matter probably??? There is this one fic involving Glitchtrap that hasn’t updated in a bit and it’s fun, I like the idea of Glitchtrap and really wish I could read more fic just centered around FNAF VR. Then again, BEN was always one of my favorites and after I stopped being absolutely terrified of Herobrine I really liked his possibilities, maybe I just like the story utility and possible execution of characters with wide-ranging powers over technology and affecting the real world outside of it, IDK.

Ok I’m out of ramble energy, and also topics unless I go more in-depth about specific character options, but my energy is gone so I think that’s the end of it. I typed 3,000 words about fanfictions I’m reading and probably could have talked more about some of them if I wanted. This is my new hyperfixation. I guess. At least I know I have one, it’s reassuring to know for some reason, like for a while I missed how much Pokemon was my life in elementary school and Minecraft was in sixth grade, like it was nice just having something to focus on, though maybe that’s just the college and depression talking.

That was good, I’m glad I did that. Y’all are loved.

If you seriously read this entire thing... Wow. I really appreciate you digitally listening to me talking about random fanfic shit that I like. You’re really really cool.

[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ High School Nightmares (Masaharu Niou)

Genre: Slice of Life, Friendship, High School AU, School, Fluff ☁

Word Count: 4,434 ☁

Pairing: Reader, Niou ☁

World: Prince of Tennis ☁

Prompt: School ☁

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

High school.

The worst time in everyone’s life, even for the popular kids. Even though they have popularity and god-like looks, there is always some sort of problem at home and there’s always someone who will oppose and stand up to them. Usually, that’s a person who has been bullied constantly and finally decided that they have had enough.

About 60% of the student body is picked on. 20% consists of the losers and loners, who are usually ignored altogether, and the last 10% consists of the few people who actually manage to reach the pinnacle of popularity.

It doesn’t matter who you are or how much money you have. It doesn’t matter if you’re a cheerleader or a nerd. Though the experiences and lifestyles may be completely different, every single one of them has something in common; high school is their own personalized hell, even if they refuse to admit it and play it off as the “best time” of their life.

Sure, they probably had fun with their friends, but what does that have to do with high school? Nothing.

High school is a simple and nicer way of saying ‘hell’, as well as “three years of my life that I will never get back.”

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

You yawned as you walked down the hall, bookbag slung over her left shoulder. School was the very last place you wanted to be. You’d have been happier being stuck with Atobe for a couple weeks. It was laughable how desperate you were to escape.

While your mind was pre-occupied, a pair of arms wrapped around your neck from behind, stopping you in your tracks. You didn’t have to turn around to know who it was – you could tell by the smell of his cologne.

“You shouldn’t walk around lost in thought. It’s dangerous, puri~”

You glanced to the side before shrugging him off and continuing towards homeroom. Niou followed, falling into place at your side. “It’s dangerous when you’re not daydreaming, too. It’s all up to chance.”

“I said ‘lost in thought’, not ‘daydreaming’.” He pointed out, holding his index finger up like a teacher would.

“Same difference,”

“Completely different,”

“Whatever,”

Niou chuckled as the pair of you entered the classroom which was alive with pointless, mindless chatter. You claimed your seat by the window in the back of the class and Niou claimed his in front of your own.

“So~” Niou turned around, arms folded over the back of the chair. “You going on the field trip next week?”

“Meh,” you shrugged, taking out your notebook and beginning your daily ‘doodle-instead-of-learn’ session.

“‘Meh‘ is not an answer.” He snatched the pen, twirling it between his fingers. “I will hold your pen hostage until I get an answer, puri~”

You rolled your eyes, pulling out another pen from your pants pocket. Niou snatched it before the tip could even make contact with the page. “Why do you make it a habit to annoy me?”

“Because I’m your best friend and it’s fun~”

You let out a sigh before letting your lips curl up into a small smile. “Good answer,” you paused for a moment. “Mostly,”

“Puri~”

“Alright, everyone sit the hell down!” The teacher muttered boredly as he entered the room. He seemed to want to be there even less than the students. The class quieted down and took their seats immediately, knowing full well that pissing him off was not a good idea.

Niou turned back around, reaching back with his hand over his head to return the two pens he had pen-napped. You took them from his hand without a word and he leaned forward on the wooden surface of his desk.

The teacher, named Nobunaga, muttered incoherently under his breath and shifted through the vast amount of paperwork on his desk. Normally, his mood wasn’t the best; he was permanently in a foul mood, but then again, if you had to teach a class full of high schoolers for god knows how long, wouldn’t you be in a bad mood, too? It was also rare to find people he actually liked and got along with. Fortunately, the two of you were included in that small group, though you still worked his nerves from time to time.

“You,” Nobunaga-sensei pointed to a random boy in the first row who squeaked in fear, intimidated by the tall man that stood in front of his desk. “What did we do yesterday?” It wasn’t that he had a bad memory, he just couldn’t be bothered to remember when he had a class full of students to remind him.

“T-The f-ield trip… we were t-talking about the f-field trip…!” The boy stuttered, his eyes cast to his sweaty hands that rested in his lap.

“Ah. Right.” Nobunaga ignored the boy’s fear and returned to his desk, searching through the mess of papers once more. “Alright. Listen up, morons! I’m gonna give you all the info sheet for the field trip!” His dark eyes scanned the room. “You!” He pointed to a girl in the second row, situated directly in front of his desk. “Pass these out.”

“Y-Yes…” She stood slowly, reaching out a shaking hand to retrieve the papers. Once they were in her hand, she reeled back as if a shark was about to bite her.

“Does she think he’s gonna attack her?” You whispered to Niou, rolling your eyes at the girl’s dramatics. Sure, Nobunaga-sensei was intimidating, sometimes violent, and quick to anger, but he didn’t attack students – at least not unless they really deserved it.

Niou snickered, leaning back slightly in his chair. Of course, the little sadist was enjoying the other students’ discomfort and fear. Wouldn’t be him if he didn’t. That boy could give Shusuke Fuji a run for his money!

The girl quickly swerved through the rows of desks, handing out sheet after sheet from the thin stack with trembling hands to every student she passed before scurrying back to her desk with her head down.

You resisted the urge to laugh – damn Niou was wearing off on you! – as you picked up the info sheet from the desktop, scanning over it with mild interest.

“Now,” Nobunaga-sensei moved to lean against the front of his messy desk, arms crossed over his chest while his narrowed black eyes scanned the classroom, making most every student they landed on tense up and freeze; they really did not want to be called on. “The field trip will be taking place next Thursday at noon. Classes until that time will continue as normal. If you want to go, you must get the form signed and handed back to me before Tuesday. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sensei!”

You and Niou exchanged glances before snickering in amusement. Last time the pair of you went on a field trip, most everyone in the class turned their forms into other teachers, too afraid to give them directly to Nobunaga. Only three students had actually approached him.

“The field trip will last until Monday at which point you will leave the hotel at ten AM sharp.”

A small boy who sat in the same row as you shakily rose his hand. After Nobunaga nodded in approval, the boy voiced his question. “Um… Where will we be going, sensei?”

Nobunaga’s small eyes shifted to the boy before sweeping the class once more, stopping on a blonde girl that sat in the very middle of the classroom. “Aki!”

“Yes!” Aki stood from her chair with a proud grin and walked up to stand next to the teacher. Saiyuri Aki was one of the smartest girls Rikkai high had to offer, rivaled only by Renji Yanagi. She was also one of the few students who aren’t afraid of Nobunaga, though she was still intimidated by him from time to time.

“The field trip, chaperoned by three teachers and two parents, will be taking us on a wonderful trip through time through the way of the Art and History Museum!”

The class erupted in whispers of excitement but quickly became quiet when Aki glared at them. She cleared her throat and continued. “That’s only the first two days. The next two days will be spent at the Aquarium. Everyone will be staying in a hotel located between these two attractions. Rooms, as well as roommates, have already been assigned. This will not change, no matter what you do or say! Monday will be spent returning back here. Any questions?”

Several hands shot into the air, the students feeling more comfortable talking to her rather than Nobunaga. Not that he could care any less.

Aki shook her head and wagged her index finger at them before making a tsking sound. “Too bad~”

‘You’d think they would have learned by now,’ you grinned, biting your lip to stifle the laughter threatening to escape. Aki was a trip, whether she meant to be or not; a trait difficult to find in someone so smart.

“Sit back down, Aki,” Nobunaga said boredly, waving her off as she questioned him about any secrets he may be hiding concerning the field trip.

“Yes, sir!” She saluted him before sitting back down.

Nobunaga’s black eyes swept the room. “Class ends in less than ten minutes. Do whatever until then.” He then sat behind his desk, arms crossed and eyes closed. When he said whatever, he meant it. He truly did not care what anyone did as long as they left him alone. Someone could break a window and set fire to the books in the back of the room and he still wouldn’t care.

Niou turned back around in his seat, sitting like he had upon first entering the room. “Soo~ have you been persuaded to go on the field trip?”

“No. Sounds kinda boring.” you murmured, leaning back with your arm over the back of the chair and eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.

“Che. Go anyway.” He leaned over to poke your stomach with his pencil. “I need someone to annoy while I’m there. Puri~”

“Renji, Marui, Jackal, and Yagyuu are going, ne? Annoy them.”

“It’s not the same. They’re no fun to annoy.” He pouted. “I only get enjoyment out of messing with you.”

You rolled your eyes and looked out the window at the pale sky. It was about mid-Autumn and the days had grown quite chilly. The sky remained covered with light grey clouds, completely blocking off the sun and pale blue sky. The lush leaves of the trees had already changed into brilliant shades of orange and brown. Every time the wind would blow, more leaves would fall from the trees and dance gracefully towards the ground, where they would join their other fallen comrades who had almost completely covered the pavement and grass. Most everyone you saw was wrapped tightly in a winter coat or thick winter clothes, but you were quite different.

You adored the cold weather, often going out with short sleeves or no sleeves at all, and jeans. Most people thought you were crazy but that didn’t matter. The Rikkai regulars often went out in shorts and short-sleeved shirts, too, other than Yukimura, who often preferred pants. You were thankful that Rikkai high didn’t require its students to wear a uniform like the middle school division did. High school was freer than middle school and you got away with a lot more, too.

Just ask Niou.

Monday, 8:00 AM

You scowled as you walked through the hall, eyes narrowed into a glare aimed at anyone who dared to cross your path. Monday truly was the worst day ever and you were seriously regretting not just skipping.

When you reached your locker, you threw it open, the metal bouncing back from the force. Before you could pull the books out, though, the door was slammed shut by a manicured hand. Following that was a fake sincere voice belonging to Rikkaidai’s whore troupe.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Rikkai’s biggest loser.” The leader smirked proudly as if she had just done something impressive. Her two clones sniggered, putting a manicured hand to their glossy lips.

Your eyes flashed dangerously before closing in an attempt to block out the rising rage. “Susie, I’m warning you – I am not in the mood.”

“Oh, boohoo,” She fake cried, putting her hands to her eyes and wiping away invisible tears. “Is the baby gonna cry?”

“No. The baby is gonna beat your fake ass nose in!” You snapped, spinning around and slamming your fist into Susie’s nose. She shrieked and fell back onto her butt, clutching her nose tightly. That didn’t stop the blood from gushing between her fingers, though. She shrieked again, pointing her free hand at you as you stood in front of her, breathing heavy with a bloody fist clenched.

With that signal, the blonde clones leaped forward and attempted to take you down with a double team, but the sticks were no fighters and you easily dodged them before slamming your elbow into the second clone who was coming at you from behind. You then slammed the first clone into the lockers with your foot. Before the two could get back up, an arm wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you away from the three blonde girls.

“Knock it off!” Nobunaga’s gruff voice reached the ear of the four of you and the students who had stopped off to watch the exchange. “Get your asses to class, now!”

Immediately, the students scrambled, leaving the bloody and broken blonde trio behind with your angry body still being held off the ground by an equally annoyed Nobunaga.

“Susie, Rei, Anemone – detention, room 3-B. No field trip. Y/N – detention, homeroom. No field trip.”

The girls shrieked and crowded around him, trying to talk, bribe, and blackmail their way out of detention. They even tried threats – they really wanted to go on that field trip. After all, all the hot boys would be going and they just couldn’t miss that!

You, on the other hand, shrugged yourself out of the male’s vice-like grip and rolled your eyes before heading to class. You hadn’t wanted to go on the field trip in the first place so it didn’t really bother you. The only reason you had even been considering it was because Niou wanted you to go. Detention was your savior at that moment because now you couldn’t go and Niou couldn’t be mad at you for it.

When you reached your seat, you got an annoyed and accusing look from your best friend. One that clearly said, ‘you did that on purpose so you would get detention and miss the field trip’.

You rolled your eyes again and ignored him, turning to stare out the window. Though it was a fairly good plan, that’s not the reason you had snapped. You were in a bad mood because you had been working all weekend without much sleep and then had to wake up at seven AM so you could get to the hell hole on time.

Nobunaga entered the room a few minutes after the bell rang, an extra malicious glare pointed towards the class. Breaking up a pointless fight between four students was not his idea of a good Monday morning. You were too lost in thought to notice this, however.

Only when a note landed on your desk, a balled-up piece of paper, did you snap out of it. Picking it up and smoothing it out, you couldn’t help but smile at the messy scrawl of your best friend.

• ‘You do know this means war, ne? Puri~’

‘Damn that idiot,’

He was always able to make you smile no matter what was wrong with you. He truly was an amazing friend.

Tuesday, 1:00 PM

School was almost over, having a little over an hour left of the day, and you hadn’t seen Niou much at all, just glimpses as he hurried down the hall. He seemed pre-occupied. With what, you had no clue.

You wondered if it had anything to do with the ‘war’ note he had given you yesterday, but you shrugged it off. Whatever he was up to, you’d find out soon enough. That’s what your instinct told you and they usually weren’t wrong.

Sure enough, around one-fifteen that afternoon, the whole school began to shake, the windows rattling and objects falling off of tabletops and desks. The strange events had been caused by an explosion in the science lab. That’s what the class was told when a random student dropped by to inform Nobunaga – who really couldn’t care less.

You paid it no mind. It was probably some moron trying to impress a girl – or vice versa -, and they ended up mixing chemicals they shouldn’t have. It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. You had to admit, though, you were mildly surprised when the door burst open, revealing a fuming Miss Alca, the science teacher, and a soot-covered Niou who was grinning like a proud Cheshire cat.

“I believe this belongs to you,” Her voice was high pitched and laced with anger. “How he managed to sneak into my classroom without my knowledge is beyond me! But he is your responsibility, Nobunaga-sensei!” She released the back of his shirt and roughly pushed him forward before huffing, sticking her nose into the air, and leaving the room, the door slamming closed behind her.

“Sorry I’m late, Nobunaga-sensei~” His tone was anything but sorry. He sounded quite proud, actually. Satisfied, arrogant, and highly amused.

��Detention. No field trip. Sit.” Nobunaga’s tone was strict, but it was pretty obvious that he didn’t care. You would lay odds that the only reason he gave Niou detention was so that he didn’t have to deal with Miss Alca, who was known to be a real bitch on a good day.

Niou sent you a triumphant smirk before taking his seat.

‘So that’s what he meant by war. Sly bastard,’

A small ball of paper landed on your desk and you smoothed it out, glancing at the innocent-looking male. That boy could definitely make it as an actor if he wanted to.

• ‘The war is over, all that’s left has blown away, and I surrender, Puri~’

Rolling your eyes, you scrawled a quick reply, ‘You stole those lyrics, baka. Don’t be so dramatic.’

He frowned, sticking his tongue out at you.

• ‘So what? It’s the truth! D:’

You deadpanned. ‘I don’t even know what war you were fighting, and you surrendered? Doesn’t really sound like you.’

• ‘The war I was fighting was trying to get them to let you go on the field trip. I even offered for you to serve three weeks of detention and they still wouldn’t agree. I surrendered because they wouldn’t change their mind~’

Your eyes narrowed, your grip tightening on the pencil. ‘Ignoring the detention comment. And the explosion?’

• ‘Renji showed me which chemicals to mix to create a safe explosion. It was wonderful, Puri~’

‘He wanted detention so he could stay behind without question,’ you facepalmed.

He simply snickered, sending you a smirk.

Thursday, 9:30 AM

Even though class was continuing like it normally did, the excitement was clear. It hung in the air like an immense cloud over the classroom. Students were shifting in their seats constantly, unable to sit still as the time ticked by. With every passing hour, the 11th graders grew even more restless, like a dog wanting out of its kennel to go and chase the squirrel that’s been teasing him for the past thirty minutes. It was obvious that the teachers were feeling the opposite. They were not looking forward to babysitting some three-hundred kids for five days. For every minute that passed, the designated teachers’ faces turned grimmer and grimmer.

When 11:50 rolled around, they looked as if they were being chased by a whole army of reapers. The students were the complete opposite, practically jumping for joy. When the principal came over the loudspeaker to instruct all 11th graders to line up outside by the busses, every student jumped out of their chair and rushed out of the classroom like it was a race for ten grand. All except for you and Niou, who had received detention a few days prior.

Nobunaga leaned back in his chair, feet propped up on the desk. His eyes were closed and his hands were folded behind his head. He was extremely content that he hadn’t been picked to chaperone the trip. The room was now empty, other than yourself, Niou, and a boy named Akiko – who had gotten into trouble for skipping more than two weeks of school. The room itself was quiet, but the excited murmurs of the students piling into the busses below could be heard through the open window.

A knock broke the silence and Nobunaga growled, eyes narrowed at the wood. “What?”

The door was pushed open and a rather large man dressed in a black suit walked in. His eyes were covered by black sunglasses, but something told you that his eyes were hard and set like stone. One of his hands was holding tightly onto the back of a brown-haired boys’ neck, who wore a scowl upon his face. His other hand was fisted around the back of an orange-haired boys’ shirt, who looked like he was half asleep.

You and Niou exchanged curious looks.

What were two boys from Hyotei high doing there? And who was the strange man that had brought the two into the room?

Said man roughly shoved the pair further into the room before grunting and disappearing. The brunette, known as Ryo Shishido, caught himself before he could hit the ground. His friend wasn’t as lucky. Jirou Akutagawa fell to his knees, eyes half-closed.

“Why are they here?” you wondered, leaning back in your chair.

“Take a seat,” Nobunaga commanded, closing his eyes once more.

Shishido glared at him before sitting in the third row, sliding down onto the wooden chair; he looked pretty pissed off. Jirou yawned, shuffling lazily off the cold floor and into the seat beside Niou. He folded his arms on the desk before laying his head on top of them, his eyes closed.

“Hyotei high is going on the field trip with Rikkai high,” Nobunaga answered finally.

“Eh?” you blinked in surprise – partly due to this new information and partly due to the fact that he actually answered you.

“That wasn’t on the info sheet, puri~” Niou stated, chewing a piece of gum he had stolen from Marui previously that day.

“Didn’t I mention that?” Nobunaga asked, staring lazily at the pair of you.

“No,” you both chorused.

“Hyotei is going on the field trip with Rikkaidai.” He spoke, his tone uncaring. “There, I told you.”

“Gee, thanks a lot,” you rolled your eyes.

He smirked, closing his eyes. “You’re welcome,”

“So~ we get to spend four and a half days with them.” Niou muttered under his breath un-enthusiastically.

True enough, the students of Hyotei weren’t exactly easy to get along with. Most of them were snooty, arrogant, and downright irritating. They thought they were better than everyone else, like kings and queens of Japan. Their school was filled with the finest of everything that money could buy; it was honestly sickening.

Jirou shivered, his exposed skin covered with goosebumps. He was wearing his tennis uniform, which consisted of shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. Though his clothes were slightly large on him, the sleeves of his shirt stopped just inches above his elbow and his shorts stopped at the knee. All three of the buttons on his shirt were undone, leaving plenty of skin exposed to the cold air leaking in through the window. Shishido was dressed in the same attire, but he didn’t seem at all affected; he was too busy glaring at the wall hoping to catch it on fire.

You adored the cold and didn’t mind the way it nipped at your exposed flesh that wasn’t covered by your t-shirt. Your jeans were thin and had a few rather large holes in them, letting you feel the cold air as if you were wearing shorts instead. Niou, on the other hand, was not fond of the cold, but he didn’t necessarily hate it. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a long-sleeved blue shirt, which was about as thin as your jeans, but it was made of cotton, offering him enough warmth to stay satisfied.

Jirou shivered lightly and you frowned, watching him for a moment. Feeling sorry for him, you grabbed the hoodie out of your bag and stood up, dropping it over the male’s shoulders. He lifted his head in surprise, his tired eyes staring up at you with child-like curiosity.

You returned to your seat, shrugging when Niou raised an eyebrow.

Jirou stared at the hoodie for a few seconds before sitting up and slipping his arms into the sleeves, pulling it tight around his small frame. He snuggled into it, laying his head back down and falling asleep with a smile on his face.

The minutes ticked by slowly and silently.

12:30pm. Tick.

1:15pm. Tock.

1:30pm. Bang.

Niou’s head hit the desk and he groaned. “I can’t believe we have to go through this for four and a half days! It’s so boring!”

You leaned back in your chair, feet propped up on the back of Niou’s chair and eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. “Four days of sitting here doing absolutely nothing from eight-thirty to three. This isn’t detention, it’s torture!”

“Che. Don’t complain, brats.” Nobunaga opened his eyes and shifted in his chair. “I work from seven to four and have to deal with a bunch of spoiled, hormonal, angst-ridden teenagers all day long, five days a week.”

You and Niou exchanged glances and nodded.

“Yep, you’ve got it worse, puri~”

“I feel sorry for you, Nobunaga-sensei.”

“You don’t sound very sorry,” Nobunaga muttered. “Damn brats,”

The pair grinned at each other before chorusing, “Damn teachers!”

Nobunaga scoffed, but couldn’t hold back the smirk that took over his lips.

Yes, high school was a horrible nightmare that was nearly impossible to escape from, but the rarities are what makes it bearable.

The insane but loveable friends.

The crazy-ass, uncaring teacher who’s as cool as a teenager.

And the unexpected guests that like to appear every now and again.

It all made it worthwhile and you wouldn’t give it up for the world.

This was your own personal high school nightmare… and it couldn’t get any better.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

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[purplesurveys]

592

Let's start off with some basics. Cool, I haven’t started off a survey with basics in a while. What's your name? Robyn, but y’all who have stuck around for a while know that already. How old are you? 21. What's your hair and eye color? Hair’s black, eye color’s dark brown/black-ish. How tall are you? I’m pretty certain I’m 5′1. What's your relationship status? In one. Alright, enough of that. Let's move on to the random shit.

What's your favorite song? Uhhh at the moment it’s Sam Smith’s cover of Donna Summer’s I Feel Love. They did their own twist to it and it sounds incredible. It would probably take a bit to get used to in 2019, but once you warm up to the sound, the cover is just brilliant. What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? It’s a disco song, the lyrics just repeat for three straight minutes and is not supposed to be any deeper than ‘I feel love.’ Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? I love the beat, the sound, and what Sam offered to the song. Have any pets? If so, what are they and what's their names? Yes, I have a cute Santa Claus-outfit-wearing dog at the moment :)) His name is Kimi. Have you ever met your idol? I have never met Kristen Stewart, AJ Lee, Hayley Williams, nor Beyoncé. And I’d most likely pass even if there was a chance to meet any of them; I’m too afraid that I’d mess up in front of them. If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? What's your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) I don’t play a lot myself but I do enjoy watching games on Nintendo or Playstation consoles. If you're in college, what's your major and why did you pick it? I’m in journalism. I picked it because I thought it’s what I wanted to pursue back in high school. I was good at writing and loved telling stories, the obvious path was towards journ so I don’t hate myself or regret picking such a major. But through the years I’ve learned to hate it more and more though – my interests lie within public relations and advertising now, a complete 180 from the world of journalism. How're you doing today? A little too early to be asking that, it’s 7:43 in the morning. I do feel quite nice because classes ended up being suspended today due to the incoming typhoon, but otherwise it’s just mostly meh for now. What color are your bedroom walls? They’re white. Describe your favorite shirt. Right now my favorite shirt is a halter tank top I got for ₱50 at a small tiangge booth in Feliz, hahaha. I just wish I could wear it everyday without anyone judging because I look cute in it. Use this space to tell someone off. I don’t think anyone I know deserves that at the moment. What's your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? Waste of money, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting one lmao. What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I still have that damn poster of Nam Joo Hyuk up near my bed lol. I haven’t seen a k-drama since 2017, but I’m just too lazy to take it down. How many times have you moved in your life? That I can remember? Two. I think we moved a couple times more when I was an infant. If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? It’s definitely more peaceful, quiet, and much much cleaner in our house; but there are days where I still miss having my cousins and grandma under the same roof. What's your favorite color and why? Pastel pink. It’s pleasant to the eyes and looks good on most stuff. My wallet,  purse, main school notebook, one of my highlighters, my phone case, clipboard, backpack, and shoulder bag are all that color hahahaha Do you have a calendar? If so, what's the theme? I have one on my phone; I don’t really need a physical one. No theme because I don’t think my phone allows me to customize my calendar anyway. Have any famous person's autographs? I have AJ’s from a signed poster that I bought like 5-6 years ago from WWEShop. Was never actually sure if she actually signed it but it’s always easier to believe that. Do you draw well? That’s the worst thing I can do, or try to do at that. What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8. Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? I am actually supposed to be working on final requirements, but they’re all for my newspaper layout class and I cannot be ASSED to open Adobe InDesign and work on some dumb layout stuff right now. If you're in school/college, what's your favorite subject and why? This semester my favorite class is Kasaysayan 117, or Social History of the Philippines (‘Kasaysayan’ means history in Filipino). Social history veers away from the typical elite/heroes/war/colonization/what have you narratives that history books typically go with, and focuses instead on the developments of, say, gender, education, illnesses, and religion in the country. It basically focuses on the everyday life of the ordinary citizen, which I find more interesting and relatable than war stories. I certainly wish I can take this class more than once. Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? Dog person. They’re friendly and sweet and silly and will always stay by your side, which I love. I have never been able to connect with cats and finally at one point, trying just tired me out completely lmao HISS at me then, sis Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. Not my favorite, but definitely a memorable one – Scarlett O’Hara is in love with some dude named Leslie who’s married to his first cousin. Scarlett ends up gunning after him for a good chunk of time, even as she marries Rich Guy Rhett Butler and has a kid with him. Eventually [spoiler] kid dies and Rhett realizes Scarlett never cared for her just as Scarlett realizes she loves Rhett. Not a good ending for Scarlett. Bunch of people die. Oh and all of this takes place during the Civil War. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. I flinch at the idea of putting anything anywhere near my eye, so contacts are a no-no for me. What do you think about horror movies? It’s a hit or miss most of the time. Great genre with some even greater hits, though. If you love them (I do), what's your favorite? Misery or The Shining. Cliché picks, but I personally enjoyed both so why not. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I dunno about ‘cool’ but I got Gabie a Hydro Flask water bottle and I’m SO excited for her to get it because she’s always been envious of mine and she’s always talking about wanting one because water tastes so crisp and fresh from those bottles. It’s kind of a bittersweet story for me though – I lost my own Hydro Flask a day after I got hers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? I do neither of those things because I’m from the Philippines and we have no idea what those holidays(?) mean. Have any mental illnesses? I’m sure I do, I just have never gotten myself checked. What's your favorite word and why? I’m not really obsessed with any right now. What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? It’s either my laptop or my phone...I’m not sure how much they were; my parents paid for both. Although I’m guessing the phone cost more because it was the newest in the iPhone line at the time of their purchase. Did you buy that item yourself? Hahahaha, nope. Super grateful to my parents for getting it for me despite knowing I have the tendency to crack and break all the phones I own. This current one is staying strong, though! Where do you work and what is your postion? I don’t have a job yet but I’m part of two organizations in college, if that counts. I’m the vice president for external affairs in my journalism org and associate editor in our graduating batch’s yearbook club. How often do you cuss? Probably once every few hours? Definitely way less than when I was an angsty, feisty, annoying little teenager lmao. What type of car do you drive, if any? I have a Mitsubishi Mirage hatchback. Are you happy with it? If no, what's your dream car? I’m happy with it; it’s small, convenient, and easy to drive. My dream car is something just as small but a little more fancy, so I’m wishing for a Mini haha. Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? Nah I just have three main ones – Twitter, Facebook, and this Tumblr. I’ve made accounts on other apps like Snapchat and Instagram, but I stopped using the former and I never use the latter. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t have one. Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? It’s not a unique tradition but we go to my grand-aunt’s house and we do Monito-Monita, which is essentially a Filipino Secret Santa. We fix ourselves in a circle and when you’re It, you have to dance/walk/prance around with your gift while everyone sings the monito-monita song (which I’m too lazy to expound on, lol). When the song ends, you have to hand your ‘baby’ their gift. If you're in a relationship, are you happy with it? Yes. How long have you been with your significant other? Three years, but that’ll change to four by February. Do you like psychology? (It's my college major). I love it. It’s one of my the-one-that-got-away courses, along with history. I wanted to have a glimpse of psych by taking a psychology elective once, but I got a bad prof and never got in the mood to take another elective again, so that’s a shame. What is something your state is popularly known for? We don’t have states, we just have provinces and cities. Antipolo is known for their delicacies such as kasoy, suman, and latik. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what's the coolest thing you made? Kind of? I don’t like anything I have to sculpt or mold myself; but lately I’ve been into paint-by-number kits and I asked Gab to get me a couple of them as a Christmas gift. It’ll help with my seasonal depression, so I’m excited to be preoccupied during the holiday break. Do you watch sports or do you think they're overrated? I don’t think they’re overrated. I just don’t find most of them interesting to watch. What's one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn't deserve to? TROLLS Do you straighten your hair? No. Ever dyed your hair a color that isn't natural? (blue, pink, etc) I haven’t dyed it at all. How's your relationship with your parents? We have a best friends-type of relationship in that we banter and not opposed to insulting each other and cursing in front of one another, but I don’t let them know me any deeper than surface-level. The angst and trauma I developed due to my mom being horrid to me when I was younger permanently kept me from ever desiring a soft, emotional, intimate bond with her. And as for my dad, well he’s worked overseas all my life and I only get to see him once or twice a year, so it’s easy to understand why I have not developed a super super SUPER close bond with him as well. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? I live with them but I’d love to have my own place soon. What's something you are currently saving money for to buy? More Christmas gifts for loved ones. I’ve only bought gifts for my girlfriend so far. Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? I vape, but don’t smoke. Gab gave me her vape pen which is from a brand named Smok, because she soon learned after vaping a few times that she’s asthmatic. :( I do get disposable vape pens from Vedfun which I honestly prefer more, though. Ever done drugs? Other than painkillers, no. Tell me one of your worst habits. Letting myself go hungry because I’m a little obsessed with the thought of saving money. What's a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I have to lock my car doors three times in a row before I feel entirely secure. If you game, what type of headset do you use? What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? I have a Macbook Air, and I love it. What's the thing that annoys you the most? Metro Manila traffic. What brand of TV do you have? All of our TVs are Samsung, I think. Are you excited for Christmas? (It's December 1st today when I made this) I can take it or leave it. Tell me about your favorite vacation you've taken. Sagada x Baguio last 2014. I was hurting a lot that time because of recent shitty events that all happened to me, but the climate, the nature, and the peace and quiet allowed me to recharge and let everything out. It helped that there was a movie that had just come out then called That Thing Called Tadhana (Fate) wherein the lead girl was going through the same stuff I did, then she took a bus trip to Sagada, stood on top of a cliff, and yelled and cried her heart out. I set out to do the same (I didn’t scream though, just cry haha) and it was a good release. I’ll never forget that trip because I had never been more in touch with myself and allowed myself to be that raw until that week.

Tell me something cool about yourself. [continued all the way from 7 AM because I just got lazy for the rest of the morning. It’s now 4:41 PM.] Anyone outside of pro wrestling will probably not find this cool but I’ve been acknowledged by all three of my all-time favorite female figures in the industry (retweeted by AJ Lee, followed by Natalya, greeted happy birthday by Stephanie McMahon). All three are memories I’ll cherish forever. Did/do you get good grades in school/college? Not so much in grade school, because I was admittedly irresponsible and my elders didn’t pay much attention to my study habits, either. I got better in high school, but I still made sure not to tire myself out because I knew the grades I’d get then literally wouldn’t matter in college. Now that I’m in college and for once the grades DO matter, I’m working 15 times as hard and getting good grades throughout. What's your ringtone on your phone? They’re all ringtones provided by Apple. What's your favorite store to shop in? For clothes, independent stores would do. They can sell a tank top for ₱50 (1 USD) that I would otherwise find in H&M for like, ₱299 (6 USD) lmao. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? I’d pay off my parents’ various purchases like our house and cars so that the guilt doesn’t eat me up when I treat myself. How long have you had a Bzoink account? I don’t have a Bzoink account, but I’ve been using it to find surveys since 2008. My survey habit started veeeeery early, y’all.

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what's your favorite attraction? I have not. I’m not even sure I know what that is. Do you own a Polaroid camera? I don’t. Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? Hardwood. It's a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Taking surveys or catching up with work. Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I have a lot, fortunately. College taught me to open up my circle. What's your all time favorite movie and why? Two for the Road. It just clicks with me. Audrey and Albert very both very passionate in their roles and their tandem worked amazingly to bring the story to life.

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? Just one. What's the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? Queer Eye; I made Gab watch the Jones Bar-B-Q episode which is usually cited as one of the best of the series. I loved watching it the second time. Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? I use Netflix; I haven’t tuned in to cable TV for a good 4-5 years maybe. What is your dream job and why? Working somewhere in WWE. That company’s been a part of my life for...welp, my whole life. A part of me just feels as though I HAVE to end up there. Do you think you would be a good therapist? I know I’m a good listener and that I can read body language and signals quite well, but I don’t think I’d want people to dump their burdens and rants on me. What's your favorite brand of clothing? H&M. Did you like this survey? Sure!

[vagrantblvrd]

Would a prompt about the battle buddies be okay? I just love them so much and you write their shenanigans well :D

Ahhh! Thank you friend!

So in this scenario the Battle Buddies are part of a super sekrit government agency headed by Geoff and so on. The others are there in some capacity – other agents and techies and support staff and so on.

One day Ryan goes into Battle Buddy HQ one day with this odd look on his face, and Jeremy is Concerned because he’s a little off all day?

Doesn’t get as excited over the new weapons and gadgets they get to test out the way he usually does, even though they kind of set that one lab on fire and are therefore banned from that section of HQ for at least a month.

(Look, you don’t hand a guy some fancy new weapon and not expect him to want to see what it can do, and how the hell were they to know that maybe they shouldn’t have done the thing???)

Ryan’s kind of meh over lunch too, even though they go to that barbecue place he loves, which is like. Deeply Concerning because what if this is a replay of the body snatcher situation from that one time?

So Jeremy keeps a closer eye on Ryan all day while they muddle through reports and boring stuff – get sent to yet another lecture all about not setting things on fire, which.

They don’t actually do that as often as everyone seems to think they do, okay. They are sort of responsible adults, okay?

And then they get called in for a mission briefing, something about ~unusual activity, potentially wold-ending disaster threat and so on, and Ryan gets this suspicious look on his face as the briefing goes on.

Jeremy is even more Concerned, until Geoff looks at Ryan with this little smirk and -

“We’re in luck,” he says, which is usually a bad sign because as a famous philosopher once said, ‘If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all,’ and all that. “Ryan’s giving us the perfect cover o get you close to several people involved.”

Jeremy looks at Ryan who is now outright glaring at Geoff as Geoff clicks to the next slide. (Why the hell he’s using an outdated slide projector Jeremy doesn’t know, but this is Geoff and sometimes he just does this kind of thing).

There’s a picture of a high school, kids all over the place.

Older photo, going by the clothing and hair styles. Mid to late nineties maybe, and this red circle around this one guy with long hair and Geoff’s shit-eating grin as Ryan groans.

“Wait,” Jeremy says, as Geoff clicks to yet another slide. Yearbook photo and the guy in the previous photo, name under the photo conveniently cropped out. Ryan is facepalming and mutter threats to Geoff, who is on the verge of cackling like a lunatic the way he does. “Ryan, is that you?”

It is.

Holy shit, it is.

High school teenager Ryan with long hair and this dorky smile – he’s obviously going for that suave little smile that always gets Jeremy these days and failing like whoa.

“Ryan.”

Jeremy is mcfreaking dying because that totally is Ryan, and Geoff keeps clicking on slides clearly from the same yearbook. All of them are of Ryan – various clubs and whatnot – and Jeremy is absolutely going to get his hands on copies after this because this is amazing.

“There’s a reunion coming up,” Geoff says, when Ryan looks like he’s trying to decide the best way to set the slide projector (and probably Geoff at this point) on fire. “We’re going to use that to our advantage.”

(Also, kind of stealing ideas from Grosse Pointe Blank, sorry)

Geoff goes on about the risk of someone recognizing Ryan and blowing the whole mission and so on if they don’t use this oh so convenient reunion as cover, and it kind of makes sense?

Like sure, they’re going to Ryan’s hometown and there are sure to be people he knows there, but it’s a big enough town, and not like they’re going to be doing a lot of social activities and such?

But Geoff’s kind of a bastard and this is probably to get back at Ryan for some of the shit he’s both given and put Geoff through over the years. (Also, plot reasons.)

After the briefing Jeremy looks at Ryan and is like.

“You were weird all day because of the reunion, huh?”

Ryan sighs, rueful little smile because it’s his mumbledy-something reunion and kind of makes him think, you know?

He’s an old fuck, got gray hair coming in and he’s not slowing down yet but it’s – literally – a matter of time and then what happens to the Battle Buddies? (He’ll get a desk job or they’ll have him train new operatives and Jeremy will get a new partner and – yeah.)

He doesn’t say that, but Jeremy knows him well enough by now to figure it out, and he’s about to say something about it, but there’s a convenient interruption – someone wanting to yell at them about the earlier fire or what have you and he doesn’t get the chance.

Things just keep happening or Ryan changes the subject super fucking fast so they don’t actually talk about it.

And then they’re in Ryan’s hometown posing as a happily married couple -

Because yeah, happily married couple because of fucking course. So now Jeremy is dealing with Ryan and his insecurities RE aging like a normal human being and the whole Thing Jeremy has for Ryan and wow, this is totally not a recipe for disaster, except for how it totally is? (Look, okay. Jeremy’s not all that special when it comes to it. Not smart like Ryan or anything, kind of average and short as hell and the whole shebang because ~angst.)

They get there and Ryan takes Jeremy of this little tour of the town. Looks like it’s what a guy would do when introducing his spouse to the place he grew up in, fantastic for doing a little reconnaissance for the mission.

Go to this diner Ryan and his friends would go after school for burgers and fries and waxes poetic about how they make ‘em and that you can’t find fries like them anywhere else. Shows him the house he grew up in and so on and so on, his parents having sold it to move somewhere tropical or whatever to live out their retirement years.

All these places and things he used to to before he ended up in the military and eventually their agency and he’s got this look to him the whole time. Nostalgic as hell, and Jeremy is like fuck because oh, no, FEELS.

They run into a few people Ryan used to know – maybe Geoff wasn’t wrong about their cover story – and Jeremy is like loving the fuck out of the embarrassing stories they tell about Ryan.

Fucking  loving it, all “I never knew,” and “You’re kidding me,” and “Oh my God, Ryan,” while Ryan is visibly wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole, jfc.

They do mission-ish things, what with the reconnaissance and such. Pinpoint the likely location for the base/HQ/whatever and the whole time the reunion is getting closer. (They’re probably going to be gone before it happens, mission complete and most likely a fire or two before all is said and done.)

Come back from dinner one night and get jumped by baddies. That whole black SUV cutting them off in traffic, blocking them in and a bit of a shootout with running and the inevitable back alley close combat fight.

Punches and kicks and knives, flesh wounds and getting a scrap of information relating to their mission via cryptic last words and ~convenient clue of some sort they pick up off one of the bodies.

Go back to their hotel to patch each other up – and hey, if that means if one of them has to take their shirt off for the other to stitch up that cut on their arm/shoulder/back, that’s what it takes.

Also, getting super close into one another’s personal space and that moment where they’re super aware of that.

End up staring at one another and all these things they’ve never said out loud before as they look into one another’s sparkling orbs until there’s a noise outside to break the moment.

A car backfiring, drunken assholes yelling to break the moment – and they do the awkward laugh and “That should take care of it,” regarding the stitches and shuffle off to report back to HQ and clean up respectively.

Absolutely Do Not talk about things, because of course they don’t and spend the next couple of days trying to get to the bottom of things.

Ultimately have to go to the reunion after all because new evidence (plot reasons!) leads them to think some of the people involved will be there.

(Ryan being kind of…dismayed because he didn’t think any of those people were the sort to be involved with this kind of shit, but hey. He’s willing to bet none of them thought he’d be a super sekrit agent either even thought everyone thinks he works in IT, so. Even???)

Play the part of happily married couple and oh, God, okay.

Jeremy knew Ryan cleans up good, but this is another level. Ryan is having a similar problem and just awkward idiots in love who haven’t figure their shit out just yet.

(I’ve never been to any of my high school reunions but plot reasons demand the persons responsible for planning Ryan’s is the kind of monster who would insist on a prom-theme.)

They go to the reunion, and Ryan is like goddammit when they run into one of the guys who was a dick to him back in high school.

Rich and snooty and typical movie asshole, literally looking down his nose at Jeremy, and of course Ryan is incensed about that because fucking hey. Say what you want about Ryan and all his wasted potential (could have done something important with his life, but no, went and joined the military and fucks around with this IT business), but don’t fucking say a thing about Jeremy.

Maybe lets a little of the guy who goes around killing assholes for a living (and setting shit on fire, intentionally and otherwise) out to play, and the guy backpedals so fast he leaves skid marks.

“Jesus, Ryan,” Jeremy says, a little shocked because yeah, okay. BFFs and the whatnot and Battle Buddies and the like, but still.

Ryan blinking, looking at Jeremy and blushing so fucking hard because way to be subtle as he bullshits something about no one talking about his Battle Buddy like that. Uses the excuse of grabbing them some punch to flee the scene and Jeremy staring after him because hmm.

The rest of the reunion is less dramatic, Ryan introducing Jeremy to some of his exes – all of which have the best stories about idiot teenager Ryan – and Jeremy eating it all up.

Also, maybe Ryan has a type, but Jeremy kind of doesn’t notice that part because they’re all  ridiculously successful. The ambitious go-getters with their amazing careers and “normal” people living a simpler life. All of them happily living their best lives out there and it shows. (Also, really fucking hot, so you know, some of Jeremy’s insecurities pop up again.)

Somewhere in there they dace – prom theme! - to some terrible nineties song, disco ball hanging from the ceiling and the two of them in these tuxes and ~slow dance and look, okay, ALL the romcom cliches because it’s that kind of day.

There’s an almost-kiss, but the sound system breaks and lights come up and they do the awkward little laugh and deflection thing again. Someone remembers Ryan’s pretty handy with tech-things (plot reasons!) so he gets drafted to help fix the sound system.

Naturally this means he has to take his tux jacket off, roll up his sleeves and suchlike, run his hands through his hair a few times while he tries to figure out what’s wrong.

Jeremy standing there Ryan’s tux jacket in his arms and watching this idiot muttering to himself, and being hit with the realization he’s super fucked over Ryan, okay? Loves this idiot something fierce, and goddamn, those arms.

Ryan fixing the sound system and shooting Jeremy this smile, because hey! He did it! :DDDDDDDDD

And Jeremy kind of dying inside because Jeremy is a sad bastard, what the actual fuck.

They talk to more of Ryan’s old high school buddies and don’t get much in the way of helpful intel on their mission, but hey.

Nice night anyway.

Go back to their hotel via moonlight stroll, because of course, and there are Looks and lips being bitten as they decide better than to ~confess their deep abiding love for one another. (It would never work anyway, they deserve better, and all the usual romcom reasons Why They Can Never Be Together.)

The next day Ryan gets a text from an unknown number telling him they have information he’ll want to know regarding their mission and so forth. Whoever it is clearly knows he and Jeremy are super sekrit agents and about their mission here.

And Ryan, okay.

He makes a bad call because Jeremy’s still asleep, and bound to be hungover considering how much punch (obviously spiked) he had the night before. And anyway, Ryan figures he can handle meeting with whoever.

Goes to the meeting spot and of course gets ambushed, taken to the baddie’s base and leaves ~artistic blood spatter behind for Jeremy to find later, after he wakes up and finds the note Ryan left him telling him where he was going and why. (Like a fucking idiot.)

Jeremy calls HQ to let them know Ryan’s an idiot - “Tell me something I don’t know, buddy,” - and gears up to go rescue his Battle Buddy.

Has a splitting headache, so he’s annoyed about that too, and kind of wrecks shop getting to Ryan, who’s all trussed up like a damsel in distress.

That guy who was a dick at the reunion is – conveniently – the head baddie here, and Jeremy totally feels great about fucking up his operation here.

Lets him monologue at Jeremy while Ryan looks super unimpressed. (And okay, yeah, roughed up a bit because he put up a hell of a fight when they grabbed him, and also mouthed off to the dick, which got him backhanded and the like.)

“You done?” Jeremy asks, and when the dick gives him this incredulous look – how dare they not be in awe of how brilliant he is??? - and holds up a detonator.

Ryan starts laughing because it’s not a real Battle Buddies mission until the explosives come into play, you know?

Jeremy grinning as he hits the button and shits starts exploding and the whatnot.

Ryan (who, of course, has slipped his bonds) grabs the dick and knocks him out – they have orders to bring him in alive if possible – and they fight their way out of the building and to a safe place to wait for the others while local cops round up the henchmen and such.

Jeremy bitching at Ryan for being this kind of idiot – he could have gotten himself killed - and so on while the EMTs patch him up.

“Hey, it worked out okay in the end, didn’t it?”

Jeremy staring at Ryan because he did not just fucking say that, did he?

He did, though.

He so fucking did.

This indignant look on his face as he gestures at the head baddie, the baddie’s base on fire, and all the chaos around them and Jeremy.

Jeremy kisses him, because it’s that or punch the idiot, and it’s a bad idea – he knows it is even as he reaches for Ryan – but this absolute moron.

He’s opening his mouth to apologize after they break apart because Ryan looks stunned, all wide-eyed and frozen in shock and the like, and Jeremy is terrified – and then Ryan pulls him in for another kiss and so on and so forth.

They do the full-on confessing of their deep and abiding love for one another and all that later on.

Work on their respective insecurities because Jeremy happens to think the gray in Ryan’s hair is sexy as hell. Also, you know, kind of great because it means Ryan’s managed to live long enough to get them, which Jeremy happens to be super appreciative of, okay.

Ryan is just. Jesus Christ, Jeremy, really? Because look, Jeremy’s crazy smart and talented and Ryan could – literally Jeremy, he could literally - write a whole fucking series of books about how incredible he is, and actually goes to get started on just that, but Jeremy is like, okay, NO. And then like. Kissing, because these dumbasses.

Everyone back at HQ is like SIGH because the two of them are kind of gross with how happily in love they are?

Also, they claim emotional trauma from stumbling over the two of them with their make out sessions…and other things…in storage closets and empty briefing rooms and Jesus Christ you two, could you maybe not, THANKS.

So, yeah.

(And then years and years down the road the two of them are responsible for training new operatives, and jfc, Geoff is so fucking glad he’s retired by that point because they’re in charge of training new operatives, whose fucking terrible idea was that???)

[abyss-mal-blog1]

current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that. 

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor. 

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad)  we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow. 

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters. 

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that 

moving on 

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep. 

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company.  what else...an AR project that when you scan a food,  it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after. 

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk) 

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit 

i am going to create more things

[rochellespen]

Watching Doctor Who Season 37 (Series 11), Episode Four

Ok, I’m going to have to say it: Doctor Who has a checkered past in regards to spiders.

I mean, I understand the temptation to go with arachnid-like monsters. Spiders often creep people out, so giant, mutant spiders should have an even greater horror vibe to them. Unfortunately, it seems arachnids of all sorts never fare well when appearing in Doctor Who. 

Thus we have comically stiff spiders with goofy voices in Planet of the Spiders. We have genuinely threatening, but also drama-queen diva spiders in the meh  The Runaway Bride. And then you have  what could have been truly creepy spider-like creatures in Kill the Moon which were wasted by being featured in a dire episode like Kill the Moon.

So when I saw the title of this one, I had to resist the temptation to roll my eyes. And not just because we got another music pun/reference in an episode title (first Bowie and now the Sex Pistols...). I figured we could be in for some very first class cheese with this one.

All that said, I decided to give Arachnids in the UK a go with as open of a mind as possible.

As usual, spoilers from here onward....

Episode Thoughts

This episode went back to the season opener’s structure of having things happen that appear unrelated at first, but quickly fit together into a main plotline well before the episode ends. It’s a smart technique as it can help to cover any thinness to the plot. 

We start with Robertson, a guy who is suspiciously similar to another hotel-owning, multi-millionaire businessman with a crass, harsh personality who decided to run for president. Seriously, not since The Happiness Patrol have we been given such a painfully obvious reference to a real-life political figure on Doctor Who.

 And wait, is that Chris Noth? Why yes, yes it is. That’s something I seriously did not expect and it’s fun to see him in this. XD

Anyway, Citizen Robertson here rants about a possible threat to his political future and fires a random employee for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. This actually turns out to be not so random later on....

(Side note: They do name drop Trump later in the episode with Robertson mentioning that he can’t stand the guy. I guess that’s one way to deflect the obvious....XD)

Meanwhile, the Doctor actually manages to get her companions back to their correct time and place and soon appears to regret her efficiency. Fortunately for her, Yasmin is up for inviting everyone to tea which everyone immediately accepts.

After wonderfully awkward moments with Yasmin’s family and some poignant moments alone with Graham, we finally get to the spiders. Well sort of. We just get one spider to start out with, but there was plenty of foreshadowing before that to let us know that it won’t just be one spider.

Soon, the plot ties together when we realize that it was Yasmin’s mother who got fired and a neighbor of Yasmin’s family has a friend/co-worker/? who is a specialist in regards to spiders and who is worried that she hasn’t shown up for a few days. This eventually leads to a showdown in the lavish, recently finished hotel between humans and arachnids. 

Some more quick side notes....

The hotel they chose for the principal location is a good one. It has the right Overlook Hotel vibe to it which is perfect to accentuate the horror in this episode.

Ok, having Yasmin’s mom be the one who got fired by Robertson is a solid way to tie the plot together. Having an arachnid expert be friends with someone who lived in the same building as Yasmin’s family and having her show up just as the Doctor starts to investigate teeters dangerously toward deus ex machina territory.

But on a much funnier note, did anyone else notice someone (Ryan, I think?) making shadow puppets in the background while the Doctor and McIntyre were talking about Serious Spider Stuff in McIntyre’s lab? That’s the sort of offhand detail that I just love...

Now, back to the rest of the episode...

As can be expected with someone like Robertson, all of his employees are taken out by the spiders leaving the Doctor, her companions, Yasmin’s mom, Naija, and our new friend, Dr. McIntyre to find out that there’s is both abandoned coal mines underneath the hotel (which is niffty for the spiders to get around) and a toxic landfill that was very poorly managed.

Ok, at this point I need to stop to consider something that’s bothering me about the plot. 

I think we can all agree that Robertson is a terrible person and was horribly negligent in allowing the landfill to combine stuff willy nilly. But if we’re going to assign blame for the mutant spiders, shouldn’t some of it be placed on McIntyre and her lab? These scientist are manipulating spider DNA and apparently not being careful enough in making sure the specimens are dead before disposal. Even if Robertson didn’t have an unusually toxic landfill mutating these spiders further, those half-dead “super spiders” could have wrecked havoc on local ecosystems. Thus, I hardly think McIntyre should be acting like she’s on some sort of moral high ground compared to Robertson.

In the end, it’s decided that it’s more humane(?) to suffocate/starve all the baby spiders in Robertson’s panic room and drive the huge mother spider out of the hotel...to where, I don’t know. However, Robertson clearly wanted a chance to kill something and thus, shoots the giant spider before it can asphyxiate. 

This leads to another little issue I have. The Doctor and McIntyre were just going to watch that giant spider slowly suffocate and die. Robertson shot it once and put it out of its misery quickly. I guess I’m at a loss as to how Robertson’s solution in and of itself is crueler than a slow death. 

And the thing is, I think the writers missed an opportunity here. Having Robertson clearly show no remorse for what he did was chilling enough. But I think we could have added an even more sinister edge to his character if it was made clear that his decision to shoot the spider would be considered merciful and correct by many and that it wasn’t a black and white decision. 

That way, the horrifying aspect of his character would not have been what he did but instead the mindset and motives of why he did it. Few things are more evil that someone who hides their malevolence under the guise of good intentions. 

After that painfully abrupt ending, the Doctor prepares to leave and discovers, much to her surprise and delight, that Graham, Ryan and Yasmin aren’t ready to say goodbye to her and traveling through time and space. 

So did Arachnids in the UK avoid the usual trap of tacky spider themed episodes? Well.....

The thing is, there are several things this episode did right. The number one was a wonderful mix of humor and lowkey scares. We get moments like Ryan and Graham’s two man comedy act leading up to a terribly creepy shot of several giant spiders skittering toward them. The atmosphere of the hotel and some well placed jump scares are balanced by the hilarious sight of mutant spiders gravitating a energetic grime tune (actually listened to it again while writing this, and it really set the mood). 

The problem for me has to be the easy out the plot took. I get wanting to keep this an Earth-bound problem (and making an eco-statement). But the separating of the so-called “good guys” and “bad guys” wasn’t neatly done and the ending felt far too much like the writers couldn’t think of a good solution in the time they had left. 

Thus, this episode works far better as a showcase for humor, atmosphere and characterization than it does as a carefully plotted story.

Character Thoughts

So how about that characterization then?

Two things were well defined in this episode. 

The Doctor is going to continue to be socially awkward, high-energy goofball.

This Doctor is not one who wants to brood by themselves somewhere even for a few moments. She clearly is one of those Doctor who vastly prefers to travel with companions.

Continuing in the tradition of each Doctor often being a “reaction” to the previous one, Thirteen is certainly far less prickly and much more openly social than Twelve. She seems to thrive on the “family” environment a crowded TARDIS creates. The only Doctor I can compare that to is probably Five who also seemed very invested in traveling with a group although there is far, far more harmony on Thirteen’s TARDIS than there ever was on Five’s. 

Myself, I’m enjoying a return to the idea of the Doctor being warmer and more familial as I never thought being difficult and prickly were necessary solely to create a sense of “otherness” about the Doctor. Whittaker still manages this with Thirteen’s scattershot, quirky approach to experiencing new places, people and events.

A lot of the humor in this episode was pulled off nicely by Whittaker whether it’s the cringing moments of awkward around Yasmin’s family or her sudden thought that The Spider Mother in the Ballroom could be “the best novel Edith Wharton never wrote.” 

Meanwhile, Ryan and Graham also have some wonderful bits together as they (very reluctantly) keep having to go out on spider-related missions in the hotel. The two of them continue to be a fun team who are slowly trying to figure out this family “thing” they have been thrust into.

Funnily enough, while on the surface this could look like an episode that would focus more on Yasmin since we are spending time with her family....it really doesn’t. The most we get is some insight as to why she wants to travel with the Doctor: because she loves her family, but clearly doesn’t always get along with them that great. I think this is another opportunity the writers missed as we could have gotten a bit more insight into how her family played a role in the person she became. Instead, their presence seems to mainly service the plot (Naija) or try to add to the humor (the rest of her family). 

The Last Word

I’m afraid Doctor Who may never have a completely solid episode featuring spiders....even with this effort. This is episode is a fun ride most of the time with some great moments of humor and characterization, so it manages to not be truly cringe-y. However, it would have been nice if the writers had put more thought into how to end the main plotline and found more interesting ways to develop Yasmin’s family and by extension Yasmin herself.

[neth-dugan]

Nine Worlds 2017

This is a slightly lengthy report but meh. Tumblr has a ‘skip to next post’ function so what the heck.

I managed to get a pre-con cold rather than the traditional post-con one, which I’ve managed to give to @knittedace​ as well, oops. I did have hand gel on me and tissues to minimise the spread. If I gave anybody else my cold I’m sorry!

I met up with @knittedace​ on the Thursday. We were meant to go to the Natural History Museum but I’d been off work sick the previous day and just couldn’t do it. No energy. Instead we met up at the hotel itself and as soon as we could get into the room we unpacked and I took a nice and much needed nap.

We went to the ‘Cheese and Cheese’ evening event, one of two events to welcome people to the convention. There was cheese of both the literal and literary variety to be enjoyed. I read out a riveting and very cheesy Power Rangers VHS tape description, but the best was a very cracky, rather explicit Doctor Who one that had the entire room in hysterics. I was laughing so much I was coughing up a lung.

FRIDAY

I was initiated into the Order of the Dalek! Learnt how to put on @knittedace​‘s knitted Dalek costume - something I got better at as the weekend went on. I also came across some great cosplays, and @knittedace​ got to pose with a Missy and Thirteenth Doctor. She’ll post the pic if she wants to. 

In the morning I decided to go for something different from what I usually go to. We’d met the woman running some of the kids panels and she invited us along. So I went. It was pretty cute, gave the parents some adults to be around too and just played some simple games. Don’t really get to do that ever. And then there was a fun story that was like some kind of Dinosaur version of Planet of the Apes but about environmental issues and written a few decades back.

Then I went to a crafty thing in which we all made hair bands! Met some great teens, two of whom had made their own cosplays. For one it was her fourteenth birthday and she ended up having to help me out because I’m rubbish at this stuff. We had some good talks fandom but also human orientations and labels and just being happy with who you are.  Oddly we all also ended up in the next thing which was basically free tea and cake with tables to chat at. 

I came across this same group of teens at this con, all through the weekend. They’re all smart and for all that they’re still growing up and maturing they’re great people already.

I was given the green tea left ofter after. Yay free tea!

Toxicity in Fandom was my next stop. Nothing particularly surprising but still a good talk that had someone who had once been a part of those hostile groups though they’ve grown up and are better now. It also touched on how the toxicity doesn’t just come from the traditional bigots and gamergate type folk, but also people from those who use the language of social justice to bully rather than for good. The folk who live up to all the bad things people throw at the ‘sjw’ name.

Nine at Nine Worlds: Nine Tropes which was about, well, tropes in fan fic. Nine of us presenting five minutes on our favourite trope. It had the return of Nina - Lady of the Puppets - and then I did mine on ‘Time Travel Fix It Fics’. Went well. People laughed. Someone the next day pulled me aside to have a chat about it. Apparently I accidentally made them read loads of fic with the trope. Oooops. There was also a dramatic 007/Q power point fic reading that I helped out with, to lots of laughter.

There was also a late night game of Slash, with my home made deck, with other members of that panel including Tanya who had lead it. Tanya, for those who don’t know, was co-head of the Fan Fiction track back when tracks were organised differently and there was a specific Fan Fiction track. She’s still a big part of the fan works type stuff and is pretty damn awesome. She’s been there to help me out when I needed it and is pretty brilliant. There were also others who just came and joined in and that’s the beauty of these things. But then it was time for bed.

SATURDAY

Before any panels started, me and @knittedace​ met up with the person who’d be our third in Sunday’s Redemption round table to have a real world chat over breakfast which was fun. I’ve no idea if he has a tumblr ID to tag him in however. I’d wanted to have someone who knew about anime on there because neither me or @knittedace​ know anything about it. I know about Yuri on Ice but not much else. And though it’s mostly a workshop it is a bit panel so yeah. We had a great talk. And food.

We found the infamous ‘TARDIS full of Bras’ cosplayer. For those who don’t know there was a comment on a British newspaper site that is our version of Fox saying that the new Doctor couldn’t be a woman because then the TARDIS would be full of bras. So some brilliant soul went and turned this into a cosplay and just…. love. Again the pic I have is of Helen too so it’s up to her to post it. But seriously, OMG LOVE.

Time Travel and Film was our first panel of the day. We both got there in time for the hall to be mostly empty. I had on my TNG uniform hoodie thing with my comms badge pin so we get this photo:

The talk itself was also fun. Presented by an actual university lecturer on Philosophy, and turns out she was also the woman on a panel I’d be running later in the day. I looked at her name on the power point, down at the names I had for the panel and up again and went ‘huh’. Seriously though, good lecture about time travel from the perspective of philosophy rather than physics and its different possible models.

I was talking to some folk and the lecturer after, @knittedace​ having already left when I got a text from her saying there was a Londo cosplayer outside. I sped out there as fast as I could to find this fantastic person:

I have no idea their name or anything other than they were determined to remain in character and had a wife who sounded a bit bemused and long suffering of it all. Kinda reminded me of my mom trying to deal with my dad actually.  He was really fun though. (ETA: I am told that he is @TheWarLlama on twitter) (ETA2: Apparently the woman wasn’t his wife. I just assumed because the dynamic going on reminded me of my mom lol. Oops. )

Queer Coding in Disney was my next stop. The person doing it did a good job. Made sure they explained what queer coding was in the first place for those who didn’t know and then went through Disney. Talked about films I didn’t know much about, and there was some talk about how some of this also intersected with other minorities and representation of various people.

After that I went upstairs for a nap. I was tired, still had that damnable cold, and wanted to be my best for my panel. I missed a panel slot with content but self care is important so up I went.

But then I was back! With my Hufflepuff scarf and wand! And still in my Starfleet uniform hoodie!

I think on the way into the panel hall someone said something like ‘hello Commander’ and I was a bit confused. Mostly because I didn’t have any pips so couldn’t be an officer but that’s a small thing and I think I smiled back?

In any case, next up was my panel. Which upon arriving at the convention I discovered was to be held in the largest room at the convention. Eeeep!

Dumbledore: Good or Evil? Went pretty well. At least one member of my panel was surprised it was ever even a debate, but she none the less stood up and argued for good. She was the above mentioned philosophy lecturer so debating is kind of her thing. She comes at it very much from a philosophical theory perspective though which I think caught out one or two people in the audience going from twitter. A person took a picture and stuck it on their twitter. You can find that here. I’m in the middle.

There was a lot of talk about how Dumbles does or doesn’t use his power for people, abandoning Harry, the things that go on in his school under his responsibility, and at one point he was compared to Boris Johnson. How he seems to be about consequences more than the actions themselves. Is it intent or your actions that make you good or evil? Does the era that the man grew up in excuse things? Does the fact that there was a war coming/going on excuse things or not?

There was a question at the end about him being a slave owner due to house elves. That…. I had red sirens screaming in my head there. Thankfully it was with hardly any time to go. It’s a very good question. Something worth looking at. But nobody on the panel had any real place speaking on it. The philosopher took it, but she took it from literally a philosophical perspective rather than a moral one which probably came off wrong to some. Because yeah, that wasn’t a moral stance. I didn’t really know what to do there other than internally panic a bit and try to move on as fast as I could with a ‘this could be a whole other panel and should be’ thing.

I was so worried about not being neutral that I didn’t step in to point things out or ask things when looking back I wish I had. There are things about that I’d have liked to improve but largely the response seemed to be good. I learnt from it. We had a vote at the end on of the audience thought Dumbledore was ‘good, ‘evil or bad leaning’ or ‘it’s complicated guys leave us alone’. The result was a mixed bag with lots of complicated so I guess that wins. People did come up to chat to us when we were still on stage after it ended to thank us for this or that. I’d warded off a comment from team Evil that was about cheating but could also have come across as anti-poly and so someone thanked me for that.

Druids, Deities and Daemons: Archeological Horrors in ‘Doctor Who’ was my next thing. It wasn’t particularly exciting but it was an interesting look at how the show portrays archeology from an Egyptologist who had a delightful manner of presentation. You can tell he’s upper middle or upper class but he isn’t snooty and he’s just really cheerful and into his thing. Which is always a joy to see. He wasn’t fond of Ten saying that as a time traveller he laughed at archaeologists. Fair.

Ageism in fanworks/fandom was a panel Tanya had asked me to be on last minute when playing Slash the night before. So I had no prep time and possibly a few people were confused as to why an extra person was sat up there. I was probably the youngest person on there, no worries. But interestingly also the only person who had actually grown up in fandom rather than finding it as an adult. It was interesting, throwing up different experiences with fandom and how it sees age, how it changes. But also how media sees us. How it expects women to age out of fandom but for male fans to be the sad lonely people in the basement forever. 

Space Opera! SF&F in Musicals was a unique panel, for me anyway. Held in the lower levels with half the room covered by bean bags. By this point I could barely walk. I don’t know why, something happened to my legs and I found it increasingly hard to walk through the day. @knittedace​ said I should grab a priority access sticker but I’d have felt like a fraud even as I slowly limped my way around the place so i didn’t. But I managed to get a chair anyway so yay!

The person presenting it was drunk. I thought they were just mellow. It had originally been designed as an academic thing but given when it was scheduled it became a kind of guided tour of musical SF/F complete with YouTube clips, sarcastic comments from the audience and much fun. Also singing along sometimes.  I lost the key to my room. It later turned out I’d left it there when I awoke from my nap but I couldn’t find @knittedace​ so I got reception to invalidate the old ones and issue new ones. With slightly disturbing ease come to think of it. And that was that.

SUNDAY

Marvel v DC Fanworks was the first panel of the morning. Chaired by a very very very tired Tanya who was having a hard time of it I think. It was a good conversation but you could tell she didn’t have the energy to chair it as she might want to. I was sat next to the birthday girl from Friday who is smart and knows her stuff and was very very excited. So excited she frequently interrupted and spoke over others. I don’t blame her. She was excited and we’ve all been there. I’ve been there. And ideally it is the chair’s job to gently deal with that but as I said, tired. In the end a person left the room when they got talked over once too often. I don’t blame either. It sucks to be talked over, especially for some people who find that really hard. And though I’m sad she left I understand it.

But I’ve been a very excited teenager, in fandom at that, before. It’s also hard to pull that in when you don’t have the experience and you’re having so much fun and you have so so so many things you want to say and nobody is telling you no. I’ve been her as I said. The things she wanted to say were all good things. Just a convergence of multiple things that didn’t mix well is all. I think she noticed too as she got a sad look with the woman left the room. Felt bad for both of them really. All three of them.

Queer Dax was my next panel, and one I was running. I’d decided that there was no way joined Trill weren’t queer, and wanted to talk about that, so here we are. I’d made sure that the panel had people on it who were queer in various ways and though one person couldn’t make it due to passport issues we held on. 

The room started to fill up well before the start time. So we were chatting at everything from pets in the different series with someone insisting that Neelix was the pet on Voyager. Gasp! To how Mourn maybe talks a lot in ways we don’t get to Garak/Bashir slash to anything. The place was pretty full by the time we started.

It was a good discussion. I later found out that the person who’d manned the convention’s front desk really wanted to go but couldn’t and so was following a person’s live tweet of it as it went on. 

We talked about the identity of the symbionts themselves, what it may be like to suddenly be flooded with all these humanoid identities. How maybe they’re like drag (at the start anyway). How we never hear them talk for themselves, as themselves, just the hosts. We’ve even had former hosts separated from the whole and able to talk in the singular. But never a symbiont. We asked how memory worked, to what degree were the hosts individuals or now and how that may work. How there were ‘very special episode’ moments but how they kinda also played out like every other Dax romance and was pretty good for the era. How Trek at least had a framework where this discussion was possible.

I framed lots of things  as ‘for Paramount in the 90s’ or similar because yeah. The studios. Boy. And the times.

There was also a good deal of talk about the parallels between the way joined Trill are treated, and how Trill are screened to trans gatekeeping and queer separatism. How Dax seems to get away with literally everything and does Jadzia Dax at least have privilege? Lots of stuff I haven’t mentioned.

Someone in the audience asked about things within Trek that called to us as queer people and I got to go on about my asexual headcanon for Seven of Nine.

A Study in Redemption: Character Arcs in our Fandoms aka ‘Redemption’. And oh boy this has a long history. Originally this was a proper panel but stuff happened behind the scenes, messages got mixed and instead of it being a panel full of fandomy meta people it was proper Named authors and I got anxious and didn’t know what the hell to do and internally screamed some. I reached out to Tanya for help, and she and a person above her in the Nine Worlds team really did help. I am so thankful to the both of them. We ended up splitting it into two with the authors keeping the proper panel thing and doing it from their perspective and I’d do a kind of panel/round table discussion thing. Mostly round table. I heard some not so great things about the ‘Redemption in Sci-FI’ panel aka the parent one. I couldn’t be there so I don’t know the details.

This one was awesome though. @knittedace​ was on it with me, as well as our third the anime guy. Who did have things to contribute even to western stuff that coming from another perspective and tradition was pretty cool.

Again it filled up fast. We were chatting about various stuff before the panel time started. And by the official start time arrived we had to put a sign on the door outside saying we were full except for a couple priority access seats. And it truly was only two priority access seats. One woman came in, and then left as she didn’t have a priority access sticker when there was still a ‘open to all’ seat left. Oh well.

In this one I brought all of my experience charing over the weekend. What I’d seen and liked, seen and didn’t like, as well as stuff I knew already. I knew this could be a tricky topic for some so I made sure rules were set out first.

Like, obviously we are talking about characters who have done bad things. And this will be mentioned. We can talk about Anakin Skywalker but not go into graphic detail over what he did. Use trigger warnings. If someone is talking about something you find hard raise both hands or otherwise make yourself known in a way other than ‘I want to talk next’ and we will stop. Let you get out. And send someone to let you in again. That people know the protocol for spoiler warnings in their own media types and fandoms and to use them. And again if you need to stop someone because you’re behind the bell curve in catching up, let us know and leave and we’ll bring you back in after. Someone did take advantage of this which was awesome.

I also made sure people knew talking over others wasn’t what I wanted, that they were to respect others and let them finish and that sometimes the three of us on the mini panel thing would pull things back to us to raise new points or add new questions etc.

It went really well. Orderly. One person had to leave for a minute and did so, no fuss was made, and came back in after, People respected others, good discussion was had, the topics moved forward rather than spiral deeper and deeper on things, nothing got graphic. Somehow there was humour even given the topic but not inappropriate humour. 

Lots of good points including how some characters are seeking redemption even if probably they don’t need it. How for many people who had either been raised in a toxic/evil environment or who had been through crap otherwise, redemption was also often a story of gaining or regaining agency. How doing a good thing and then dying to save a person for selfish reasons wasn’t really redemption. Or how someone forcing you to be good by putting a soul in your body or other magic or something making you good is also not really redemption. Redemption, proper redemption, required choice and consequences and owning what you had did and overcoming. How sometimes there is an aspect of white saviour going on. 

I loved that panel. I really really did.

What gets me most is that at the end of the night, someone who I really respect (not Tanya to be clear) came up and told me that my Dax and Redemption panels had been her two favourite of the entire convention. I was so so touched, and honoured and it meant a lot. I had a couple other people say they’d loved Dax but this one person was… it blew me away. 

Geeky Cupcake Decorating was just pure fun. Me and @knittedace​ went to this just as a fun thing to do. Also being asexual we figured it was our duty. Speaking of, I made this lovely delight:

I had to mix the grey fondant myself. I think it’s fondant? Terms confuse me. @knittedace​ Made this brilliant set of Doctor Who cakes that she can show off later but where much admired. And the table near by made a truly adorable set of Yuri on Ice cakes. Some seriously talented folks. Also plenty of kids having a lot of fun. One little girl was running around showing off the cake she’d made and that her dad had made with real pride. So cute.

We went for dinner after that, sad that things were ending, and came back in time to go to the end of convention quiz. 

End of the Con Quiz is hosed by Ash every year. And much to my delight we were once again visited by the infamous No Face. This isn’t a cosplay, this is like a visitation from the real thing. Last year they were slowly chasing Ash all over the place. This time they were menacing him from the corner whilst people gave it tribute (and it ate the dire wolf) to making Ash dance.

I knew almost none of the answers. I never do. But they did ask a question about my panel!

Our team decided to call ourselves ‘Quiz Master Ash/No Face OTP’. Not much of a reaction from Ash to that when he read it out. We came fourth. There was joint last which mean they had to battle it out to get (or not get if they so chose) the last place prize.

Never have you seen such a tense and dramatic game of Jenga. There was Star Trek fight music (Kirk edition) on repeat several times, there was the Benny Hill chase music, there was the Crystal Maze music, there was the Tetris theme. There were people at the back standing up to watch, everyone was tense. Even No Face got in on the action intimidating people/paying attention.

No Face got way closer than that. Scary.

I mean seriously. Though it has since been revealed, nobody knew who the person doing No Face was for two years. And they were fantastically in character. It was genius. And people treat them with the respect and caution as though they were actually a malevolent spirit. So this was fun for everyone up there lol.

Eventually that ended and we retreated to the mini bar in the games rom. Played more Slash for a bit until we all had to leave.

And then it was the end of the con. And all is sad.

Me and @knittedace​ had to share a bed as the room was one large bed rather than two singles. And I was joking that if we were inside a fan fic this would so be the ‘forced to share a bed’ trope. Followed by some joking about waking up to bumps in unexpected places. Like lower legs. Or something. But we got to sleep eventually.

I’m sad to be home. I have ideas for panels next year already. I miss it. @knittedace​ described getting home sick when she got home and I hadn’t framed it that way before but it is. We both grew up in fandom. Spending time here, talking here, learning here. Fandom is a culture we spent our formative years in and are still a part of. And conventions are like temporary pop up real world manifestations of that. So it kinda makes sense. But what makes them so special, in many ways, is that they are temporary. Even if it’s always sad to leave.

Also, and importantly, at the bottom of the back page of the program was this very touching easter egg that will make you feel the feels if you decode it:

–. -. ..- / - . .-. .-. -.– / .–. .-. .- - -.-. …. . - -

Nine Worlds Staff and Volunteers

They are brilliant. They work tirelessly before, during, and after the con to make things work. From the techies making sure all the equipment works to those running the front desk and twitter so people know what is going on to those making sure things go to plan or even have a plan, to everyone else who makes everything work. To those who do the nitty gritty stuff like finances and talking to hotels or sponsors to get stuff done to those who organise tracks and content to those who book entertainment to everyone who volunteers for a few hours. 

They work so hard. And need so much thanks. None of this would work if not for them. It doesn’t matter how many of us are willing to sit at behind a mic and babble at you for an hour, if none of them are there nothing would happen at all.

So thanks to them for all they have done, and all they continue to do.

[jinjojess]

Can you say what you think of each Exile Election character and the impression they left on you?

Sure, that sounds like fun.

Cut for length.

Ichijou Kaname

Kaname’s alright. I don’t love him but I don’t hate him either. His design is kinda dumb with the white hair, but I also kind of like that it’s just a touch of flair in an otherwise sort of normal uniform attire. The headphones are cool too and I really like that they actually have a story purpose and aren’t just decoration.

Personality-wise, so far Kaname’s very white-bread VN protag material, though the being able to see lies as a result of his synesthesia is kind of interesting. I hate how he talks most of the time because it’s so stereotypically anime douche-style, but I do like that he doesn’t spend all of his internal monologue thinking about how he needs to protect Ichika or anything. Plus if he’s filled with murderous revenge rage, that’s always a plus for me.

He’s flawed, is what I’m saying, which is really nice.

Houshi Ichika

I just cannot even with this design. What the fuck. Like I mentioned in my LP, she ticks so many boxes on the trope-o-meter that she just about breaks it: childhood friend/probable love interest; stupid pun name; love of sweet food (strawberries in this case, also relating back to dumb pun name); dog collar; chain; dog collar; thigh belt; ribbon; DOG COLLAR; school uniform no school would ever assign; etc.

However, despite her constant “I’ll do whatever you say, Kaname” thing, she actually seems semi-reasonable? I did like the part where she physically held Kaname’s face in place so he couldn’t see Misa get eaten because it could either mean that she’s a good friend concerned about his emotional state, or she knows that something else is going on here and wants to keep his attention focused elsewhere.

Fingers crossed for crazy mastermind-type but not of the yandere variety.

Ichijou Misa

Misa’s okay. She’s a stereotypical anime kid sister. Served her role in the story so far just fine I guess. May or may not be Noori. Makes me appreciate how dynamic Komaru is in comparison.

My only thing with her is that the game’s website claims she’s 13, but she doesn’t act 13, she acts like she’s 6. This is a common problem a lot of fiction has when people are not used to being around actual kids and pre-teens–this is what made later seasons of Buffy after Dawn was introduced so obnoxious.

Official site also calls her a moodmaker which in VN lingo is never a good sign.

Noori

Totally Not Misa You Guys. Man I really hope they subvert that…

What’s kind of interesting about Noori is that the game is treating her amnesia as the serious condition it would be in real life. Like there are drawbacks and side effects to it like not knowing how to speak or process what’s going on around her. Makes the situation less tropey and moe and more realistic and sad, so I appreciate that.

Since Alice already lampshaded the Imouto Route thing, I’m hoping we get to avoid that as well and instead Noori will be like…the personification of Kaname’s pathological desire to protect his sister and infantilize her rather than recognize that she was an individual.

(My hopes are not super high about that though.)

Himeno Miori

Textbook shy girl with glasses trope so far. It is a little interesting how her brother and Michimune sort of try to override her opinions all the time and we get to see her fighting back for once in the first(?) election in the flashback. She seems poised to get a character arc revolving around breaking free of her trio and being her own person.

Since Miori is only two years older than Misa and yet is recognized as acting more as a real person and not as a toddler, maybe the game could be setting up a clever parallel between how Michimune and Yuuri try to babify Miori and how Kaname never wanted to admit that his sister was growing up?

Hush, let me construct a more layered and nuanced story for myself to enjoy okay?

Himeno Yuuri

Shouta character extraordinaire. Yuuri hasn’t really done much so far so I don’t have much of an opinion on him yet. I do think it’s weird that Kaname recognizes him as a boy in the dark square just after a massacre but then gets confused in the relatively calm setting of the observatory under actual lighting.

Again, only one year older than Misa, yet acts completely different. Does ascending to chuuni suddenly make people rapidly mature mentally in this universe?

Also, is he wearing garters under his knees to hold up his socks? Watch yourself, boy. You’re edging in on Ichika’s dumb design territory.

Isurugi Michimune

I don’t know why, but I just really like Michimune’s design. Perhaps it’s the relative simplicity of it, or the fact that I just happen to like navy and orange as a color combo, who knows.

I don’t have much of an issue with Michimune so far–I like that he’s kind of hot headed but trying not to be. Like he’s easily goaded into starting to go for Alice just by Izuki calling him a pansy, despite that he knows deep down it’s a bad idea.

Basically he’s also clearly flawed and I like that. He’s a character dealing with an internal struggle–trying to temper is own natural inclinations for the sake of his friends. According to the website he’s best friends with Yuuri and wants to protect both him and his big sister Miori, which is a kind of interesting parallel with Kaname that I hope goes somewhere interesting.

Ayara Izuki

I love this guy. I just…look at him. Fucking look at him. Look at his blue hair. Look at his neon pink hoodie. Look at his skull spider tattoo. Look at his highlighter yellow t-shirt. Look at his 90s hi-tops and his edgelord piercings. Look at his black neck bandanna. Look at how he wears a pair of handcuffs as a bracelet. LOOK AT HOW HIS HOODIE HAS THE SAME DESIGN AS HIS TATTOO. 

This character’s design is a fucking train wreck, but in an entirely different way than Ichika. Like the game both kind of does and doesn’t seem to be taking the character designs seriously (Alice does make a quip about Ichika’s chain) but like…oh my god. This is just so fucking wonderful. It’s like a kaleidoscope that’s been sharpened into a butter knife.

Anyway, Izuki is your standard combative bad boy archetype. He’s 20 and jobless, according to the website. Nothing TOO interesting so far but I just love his stupid design so damn much that I want him to hang around for awhile (and ideally subvert the obvious assumption that he killed someone in the past, but hey).

Ninchouji Issei

So if Ichika is here to bait in thirsty otaku dudes, Issei is a little something for the ladies. His design is basically “Togami, but a chef” and his personality is…well, basically it’s kind of just “Togami, but a chef and without the really obvious disdain for everyone”. What I mean by that is that he’s the character who seems almost intrigued by the premise of this game and has a bit of a haughty, I-know-more-than-you-fools vibe going on.

That might be because he’s 25 and a chef and he’s stuck in this theme park with a bunch of kids, but who knows.

Isumi Hakushuu

I am still not over the fact that his first name sounds so close to the Japanese word for “applause” or the fact that his design is best described as “preppy Amami” (I can picture Amami going undercover as Hakushuu and Avril Lavigne singing “Complicated” as a result). He’s 20, he’s in college, he’s apparently the twins’ neighbor in their, I assume, gated community with high HOA fees.

So far he seems like he’ll be the calm, smart character, possibly betray everyone later on in the story. Or like maybe he’ll seem like he’s really in the game to win but then later he and Kaname become bros or something.

Personally I’m about as meh about him as I was about Amami.

Tadenomiya Aasha

One half of this VN’s twin set (the older one iirc?). Seems like Aasha is more interested in Western Gothic fashion, and she wears a black rose-shaped patch over her left eye, perhaps as a fashion statement or perhaps because she and Kaasha share an eye or something I dunno.

God this design. Half blue/half green hair, the handle to her parasol being shaped like a gun, the headgear…like what is that? Is she some kind of maid queen? 

Anyway, the twins so far are both overly formal, seems haughty and antagonistic, and obsessed with Hakushuu for some reason I assume will never be adequately explained.

Also of note is that both twins are the same age as Misa, and the website says that they’re very advanced for their age. No, game, they’re not really. They act like typical chuunibyou mofos. They are being pretentious and embarrassing and act like they know everything, and I have encountered many 13-year-olds who are just like that.

Tadenomiya Kaasha

Other half of this game’s VN twin set (I think the younger one). This one comes in Japanese flavor, with the hakama and sword handle to her hikasa and white…what kind of flower is that? Anyway, a white flower over her right eye because in my mind the twins share an eye between them that gives them the ability to see other people’s abilities and that’s how they find out about Kaname’s lie-seeing thing and sorry. Trying to keep myself entertained.

Anyway, Kaasha so far has pretty much the same personality as Aasha. I really hope they both team up to mess people up rather than fight each other for Hakushuu’s attention, but if I’m being honest I already know that’s where we’re headed.

*sigh*

Yurizono Shihori

We’re still troping it up but we’ve now hit the trope I personally like–resting bitch face. Shihori don’t give a fuck about what’s going on here. She doesn’t have time to wear a bra, to emote, or give one single shit about the situation. She’s also strangely absent in the flashback but I don’t know what that means yet. Possibly that she will be a fake-out mastermind candidate later on in the game?

Design-wise I’m not sure how I feel about the boots or the fishnets, but other than that it’s fine. Pretty simple and more to my taste than the complicated stuff. Love the Kingdom Hearts-inspired design on her shirt too. Also her last name is literally just “lily garden” I mean come on. This hole was made for me.

Shihori is apparently 21 and a college student, hence her apathy about life probably. Also according to the website she has poor eyesight and carries around glasses but doesn’t wear them. See, that’s the kind of small personal detail that makes a character likable. That’s like a DR character trait.

Alice

Alice is my actual fave so far. She’s not TOO close to Monokuma, but there’s just enough resonance to make her fun. Alice is the only one who seems to be lampshading these dumb design choices or stock personality traits too, which I appreciate immensely.

As for her design, I like it. There’s that one weird ¾ sprite that looks kind of odd, but other than that she’s really cute and otherworldly. Like she’s clearly robotic but also clearly a rabbit which fits with the Wonderland theme, and she’s got the cute voice that’s really expressive (and a nice change of pace from the human characters, who for the most part are all pretty monotone so far…especially Kaname).

So yeah. There’s my thoughts so far on the Exile Election cast. I suppose I can update as I continue to play.

[lovemesomesurveys]

If you could drink only 2 things for the rest of your life, what would it be? Coffee and water.

Would you date someone taller than you? Well, yes. Just about everyone is taller than me for one thing.

Have you met anyone that has been a major influence on you this year? No.

Ever kissed someone who smokes? No.

Have you ever liked someone a lot older than you? Not including celebrities, the oldest person I’ve liked is only two years older than me.

Have any interesting conversations lately? Not really.

If your friends warn you about someone you like, do you listen? I would hear what they had to say, yes.

Who did you last pinky promise with? I have no idea when the last time I pinky promised was.

What do you do when you’re having a bad day? Go about my day as usual and do what I always do, which are things like Tumblr, surveys, rest, watch TV, listen to music, read, and color.

Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you? No. I get irritable pretty easily.

Do you want your tongue or belly button pierced? No.

Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Cigarettes, yes. I can’t stand it.

Is there someone you care about right now? Uh, yeah. I care about my family. I love them more than anything.

If you could see one person right now, who would it be? I don’t really want to see anyone right now.

Do you say “I love you” when you don’t mean it? No. I don’t just throw those words around, if I say it, I mean it.

Do you smoke? No.

Have you ever been to a football game? Yes, actually.

How old is the computer you’re on? Like eight years old. It’s a MacBook. Wow, that’s crazy I didn’t realize just how old it is. In tech world, that’s ancient.

When you looked in the mirror today, what was your first thought? Ew.

Last furry thing you touched? My giraffe print body pillow.

Have you ever faked sick? I’ve never had to fake sick. I feel that way enough for real.

What is your blood-type? I actually don’t know. I’ve had blood work done so often throughout my life, I’ve had surgeries, and I’ve had a few transfusions. You’d think I would know by now.

The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? A Chick-Fil-A sauce. I always get extra sauces when I go there, so that I have it at home to use. Apart from chicken strips, it goes well with eggs, sausage, and hash browns as well.

Do you like clowns? No.

Has anyone ever under-estimated your intelligence? Probably.

Can you take a bra off with one hand? I think so.

Do you have big dreams for your life? No. I know how sad that sounds, but it’s true.

Are you donating your organs? I don’t know.

When was the last time you talked to you mom? This afternoon before she went to work.

What did you do yesterday? The same stuff I always do that I already listed.

What kind of deodorant do you use? Secret.

Do you sleep on your side, stomach or back? I sleep on my side.

What is one show that is canceled that you wish was still on? I wish True Blood was still on. Also, The Vampire Diaries is on its final season, so that’s sad.

Ever met any online friends in person? Nope.

Do you know how to sew? No.

Does your room need cleaning? I need to straighten up a bit. I need to hang up my jackets, put away some clothes, and vacuum.

Do you like pumpkin pie? Nooo. Blech.

Do you own your own computer? Yes.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yes.

How do you get to sleep? I listen to ASMR videos.

What happened at the last party you went to? I hung out with some friends I hadn’t seen in awhile, caught up, had lots of laughs, played a game, and just chilled.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No.

What’s your hair like at this present moment? It’s in a messy bun.

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? Hmm...

Are you an untidy person? I wouldn’t say that.

Have you ever been a fan of ‘N Sync? Yesss.

Do you watch a lot of television? It’s most only as background noise, but I tune in now and then. I also have shows that I do watch and keep up with.

Do you think you’re fat sometimes? No.

Do you like to flex your muscles? What muscles?

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? Yeahhh.

Favorite kind of cake: Funfetti, red velvet, white cake, and strawberry. Apart from red velvet that has cream cheese frosting, I love buttercream frosting on my cake. I don’t like whipped.

Name something you are doing tomorrow? Same ol’, same ol’.

Where are you going to be at 4 PM tomorrow? At home.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? Nope.

Do you think you would be a good parent? I would hope so. I don’t know if I want kids, though.

Are you tanned? No.

Did you get any compliments today? Nope. I’ve been home all day and I look like a mess.

Do you get jealous easily? More envious than jealous.

What were you doing at 3 AM this morning? I was asleep.

Are you any good at math? Nopeeee.

What’s your sign? Leo.

What is your favorite color? Yellow, teal, mint, and pastels.

Last time you were sick? I always feel unwell in some way. That’s chronic illness for you. I haven’t had a cold or anything like that in like two years, though.

Did you have a good day or a bad day? Just a typical, average day. If you haven’t noticed, my life isn’t very exciting. It’s very routine and predictable.

Do you eat healthy? Haha.

Have you ever been told that you need an attitude adjustment? Yes.

What’s something that you wish your pet could do? I don’t have a pet anymore... :(

Can you tango? No.

Do you know anyone that has/had cancer? Yes.

Have you ever read somebody else’s diary? No. Unless it was a public journal entry on a blog.

Have you ever been called a hick? No.

Are your parents going to buy you a car? No. I don’t even drive.

Have you ever rode around in the bed of a pick up truck? Yes.

Do you enjoy going to school? I liked it overall.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope.

Do/did you have any family in your school? I attended middle school and freshman year with one of my cousins, and in college I went to community college with one of my other cousins.

Were you a big jump roper back in the day? I didn’t jump rope at all.

Have you ever been in your kitchen naked? No. I don’t walk around naked. I don’t live alone for one thing, and for two I don’t feel comfortable naked. I put clothes on when I step out of the shower.

This time last year, what was your relationship status? Single as always.

When was the last time you went to the mall? Earlier this month.

Do you like the smell of coconuts? Yes. Just not the taste.

How many of the Harry Potter books have you read? None. I’ve seen all the movies.

When was the last time you checked your Facebook? Yesterday, I think.

Look out your window. How many people do you see? Zero. It’s took dark right now, but even still all I’d see is a fence.

Where was the last place you bought a clothing item? JCP.

Are you the youngest person living in your house? Nope. I’m the third oldest.

Did you reject or accept your last friend request? I think rejected because it was someone I didn’t know.

Are you wearing any socks? Yes.

Can you play pool? No.

Do you think that you are a good singer? Nope, I know I’m not. It doesn’t stop me from singing along to songs even belting out now and then. haha.

Are you sure of your sexuality? Yes.

Do you love your parents? Yes. My family is everything to me.

Do you think that you are smart? Meh. I’m probably more average.

Are you pretending to be someone that you’re not? I used to pretend I was more okay than I was or that I knew what I was doing. I was pretty good at it until this past year or two when I started to slip and couldn’t hide it well anymore. I still downplay a lot and keep to myself, but those close to me know I’m struggling.. just maybe not to the full extent. It’s also obvious I have no idea what I’m doing.

Do you like to read? I love to read.

How often do you talk on the phone? Not often at all. I don’t like talking on the phone.

Are you a local celebrity? Ha, no. I was on the news and in the newspaper when my accident happened, and there was a little fundraiser put together in my name, but that was twenty-six years ago. No one remembers any of that or knows who I am.

Do you like your English class? I’m no longer in school, I graduated two years ago.

What was the last compliment that you got? My grandma’s friend commented on a photo my aunt posted of me on Facebook, and said I’m “beautiful.”

Do you eat candy daily? No, but I have something sweet daily.

Have you ever moved to a different home? Yes.

Have you ever switched schools? Just when transitioning from preschool to the kindergarten through eighth school I attended, from there to high school, from high school to community college, and from community college to UC.

What is your name? Stephanie.

Have you ever been to camp? Yes. I went to science camp in 6th grade, and to a Girl Scout camp.

Do you get nervous with public speaking? Extremely. It never got easier, no matter how many times I had to do it. They claimed it would help, but nope.

Do you know anyone with a really weird name? To some it might be weird, but I’m used to it because he’s my cousin and we grew up together so I’ve heard it for most of my life.

Do you fight with your parents all the time? No.

Are you in pain right now? My pain meds are doing their job, thankfully.

Are you wearing a sports shirt? Nope.

Do you have a reason to smile right now? Not really.

Do you wear shoes in your house or take ‘em off? I take them off.

Does anyone call you babe or baby? Nope.

Who is your last text from? My brother.

What languages can you count to ten or higher in? English and Spanish.

How old were you when you got your drivers’ license (if you have it)? I haven’t gotten mine.

Have you ever broken a bone? Yes.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you? Yes.

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? Nope.

Do you drink lots of booze? No. I don’t drink anymore. It’s been almost four years.

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone? Yes.

Have you read The Lovely Bones? Are you excited for the movie? I have. The movie was okay.

Do you try to eat healthy or do you just eat whatever you like whenever you like? I eat what I like.

What memory are you most afraid of losing? Memories of loved ones, and other good memories.