#Pretty Proofreader

[lailau7904]

So y'all have seen the Williams F1 Logo before, yeah?

well get ready, becaues I am about to ruin your day!

where does one even begin with this. i am sorry in advance. -just a poor learning graphic design student, who simply tried to enjoy their saturday evening

The Logo

For anyone that doesn't know, here's the Williams F1 Logo. Entirely unedited, copied straight from Wikipedia:

Now like many fans, I actually quite enjoy this logo. I like the modern, sharp edges of it and it's simple yet intriguiging design. It's memorable, while also easily recognizable as a W. I also really enjoy the colour choice (this, however, is entirely a personal preference.)

(entire rant under the cut. please keep reading this took years off my life span.)

How did we even get here?

Let's start at the beginning. How did we even get here? Well I, a poor poor learning graphic designer, was watching this lovely video from Mr. V's Garage about bad F1 Logo's over the past 35 or so seasons. Very interesting, I can only recommend it (but you don't need to watch the video to understand this post)!

Now, to cleanse the palette at the end of the video, Mr. V included a top 10 GOOD logos from this time span, it was very kind of him.

On P4 of this "Good List," Mr. V placed the current Williams F1 Logo, as pictured above. At first I vaguely agreed with this, believing that he probably simply hadn't noticed one of the things that's been bothering me about that Logo since the first time I saw it up close.

The first sign of Trouble

So, what is this mystery issue, you might ask?

It's simple really. You don't necessarily notice it at a first glance, but something about that logo seems off. Taking a second longer, you may notice it yourself.

No, I mean it, take a minute and go look at the logo. It looks wonky as hell, doesn't it?

Well I can tell you the first thing that I personally noticed. The arms of the W aren't in line with the bottom half, see:

(Graphic by @girlrussell who was so kind to let me use it, as it is way prettier than the one I made)

It's a crooked W. There is no good explanation for this. The rest of the font is perfectly fine, geometrical shapes.

Anyway, the good person that I am I went to point this out to my partner ( @leftneb ) who proceeded to inform me that he, infact, was not aware about this and was, quote, "never going to unsee that."

Now, the good FRIEND that I am, I, of course, proceeded to rush into our broader F1 friendgroup to make them suffer for eternity.

What's the logical next step to take? Of course, fix the logo in Adobe Photoshop, you know, as a joke.

(Disclaimer at this point, I am not necessarily the biggest fan of Williams Management Team. I enjoy ALL their drivers this season. I do NOT enjoy James Vowels. Be warned.)(Also I am aware that he probably did not have an influence on the logo)

Trying to fix it. Oh god, I was so innocent back then

Trying to fix the logo in Photoshop is the worst mistake I could've made. THE worst path to take. I could've just giggled about making my friends suffer (which I succeeded in, by the way) and moved on. Instead I ruined a perfectly good Saturday evening, and for what? I don't know anymore.

Anyway, how was I gonna go about fixing the logo in the simplest way possible? Simplest way I could come up with: slap the thing in Photoshop and put two, mirrored boxes at each side to make the sides line up. Small issue, how do I make the thing actually even? Fix: line them up at the intersecting point with the bottom tips of the W.

Here's the result:

Hey, anyone care to explain to me why in THE LORDS NAME the arms are different sized? I mean, surely they weren't before. Surely, certainly, I must've messed up.

I double, I tripple checked. I made sure everything was lined up and made sense. But no.

It just couldn't be. Something was uneven in this logo, something even deeper. Something I could not have predicted when first taking a closer look. It was at this point I realized I had messed up. What rabbit hole had I stumbled across? Certainly, it couldn't get much worse.

And that's when I noticed.

(pictured above; my genuine reaction)

There's MORE? (oh god, the top isn't lined up)

I couldn't believe my eyes. This is the PINNACLE of the sport, and THIS was the logo of one of the competing teams? I mean, yeah, we have a Visa Cash App RB or a Kick Sauber or even a MoneyGram Haas which are all terrible logos, but at least they're CLEAN. (this has not been checked. If anyone wishes to ruin a nice Saturday evening, feel free to check them and tell me how wrong I was in the previous statement!)

But you can see that there is no end in sight for this post. I'm sure you're as scared as I was at this point. By now we were sitting in VC, discussing the horribleness of this logo. I had long informed my irl's about this, who take said design classes with me. And it was one of them who pointed out the next thing that had been bothering me, but I had not been able to put a finger on up to this point.

thE DISTANCE, HOW DID THEY FUCK IT?

I'm afraid I have to confirm your fears.

Yes, those lines are the same length. According to Photoshop, they're on the same level as well, so no flunking with angles.

The gaps of the arms to the main W are not the same. They're differently sized gaps.

It was clear to us, this logo is inherintely flawed. They're subtle issues, but once you pay attention you start to notice things. It all looks slightly wonky and off centre. And eventually, you get paranoid, and start comparing other angles and sizes. And you will keep finding things. This has ruined my life.

HOOOOOW

Honestly, I don't even know what to say. Yes, yes sadly those lines, too, are the same length. Just copied over from one side to the other and layed over on the same height. I admit, they're not layed over perfectly. I was honestly holding back tears at this point. But the point still stands, you can clearly see a difference in width.

Honestly, the only way I can explain it is that at some point there was a mess up of distance or proportions and whoever was designing the logo couldn't pin it down and tried to restore the visual balance by making manual adjustments. And in all honesty? They kinda did a good job, if that's what's happened. I mean, you notice the crookedness of the arms, and then maybe the difference in height, but the rest you probably will not notice if you don't spend too much time staring at it. (like some of us) And even those issues clearly aren't noticeable to the vast majority, considering I had to go point it out to a group chat for my friends at least to notice.

what the fuck is THAT?

Now, the thing about doing this investigative work of prooving a team you dislike is worse in more aspects than you previously thought, is that you do a lot of zooming in. And zooming in means you might notice bits that yours eyes simply overlooked before, because they were too small.

Here you can witness the top of the middle point, that, for whatever reason, really wants to touch the top border of the Logo. I'm relatively certain that's the highest few pixel in the entire graphic, considering earlier chapter "There's MORE?" I have no idea why it looks like that or why they thought it was necessary for it to not end in a clean point.

I just actually have no idea how to even describe what is going on on the top of the left arm. That left hand side, again, touches the side and is therefore the most-left-pixel in the graphic. I, once again, have no idea the purpose of this. However the RIGHT hand side also makes no sense, as it is the most prominent corner in the whole logo. There's pointed corners, and rounded OF corners, but nothing that is trying to form it's own colony in a distant land that hopefully isn't this god awful logo. I hope that blob gets away. I really do. You go king.

i'm loosing my mind

Anyway, the only reason I could come UP with those weird "reachy-outy-bits" was to establish the dimensions of the logo? But if that was the case, I don't understand why they managed to keep all the other potentially border touching corners clean?

Like, look. Those are clean, sharp corners with some clearance off the borders. I have no clue why they managed it here but not with the others.

guys. please.

Backtrackig a little bit, going back to the positioning of the arms.

Do I need to mention that those lines are both the same length and the same (mirrored) angle? I really hope I don't, because I don't think I could be making this shit up. Like, once you roughly know what you need to look for it just kinda becomes easy to find.

As said before, I genuinely do think that most of these issues happened in a chain-reaction. For example, the distances between the main part and the W wouldn't be as noticeable (and they do get noticeable once you start looking at it) if the angle wasn't fucked. And guess what, there's more fucked angles here! Which ALSO influence this specific area of the logo!

this is just embarrasing for you.

something something same line copied over and mirrored etc etc

It's not as visible but the angles defintely don't line up here as well. As mentioned before, these issues for the most part all influence each other. It doesn't really excuse the issues, in my opinion as a designer, because a big company like this shouldn't have these sort of issues in their logo.

So let's review;

to sum it up,

i cannot even BEGIN to explain to you how big of a fucking JOKE this FUCKING logo is. because, i thought to myself, to round the post out, hey, why not show ALL the issues i pointed out in one picture? that would round it out quite nicely, wouldn't it?

Yeah well, this logo sent STRAIGHT FROM HELL just could NOT let me rest. I had only done the lines visualizing the crooked arms in PAINT up until this point, i.e. I had only pulled both up individually. To make a nice "rounding out" picture I still had to add them into PHOTOSHOP. so i did. i pulled up the line. i mirrored the line.

THE ANGLE IS FUCKING DIFFERENT

none. and i mean NONE of my friends had noticed this before. i need you to understand that we looked at this thing with FIVE pair of eyes, and NONE of us noticed that until i thought to myself "Oh I still need to add these specific lines to have ALL the issues I pointed out in my SILLY TUMBLR POST in ONE image" and i get THAT FUCKING SURPRISE

I was PLANNING to round the post out with a statement on how obviously this isn't a serious post. Here, I even had it all written out already because I accidentally started writing it in the last paragraph:

Of course, this is nitpicking, and it's not that serious. I'm aware of that. AS MENTIONED most of these would not be noticeable if we hadn't gone specifically looking for them.

yeah, well, fuck that. i just spent two hours seething about this logo. i'm ending the post on this instead.

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

can you do a bakugo x reader who’s afraid of the dark? i think he’d be cute about it and make small explosions kinda like fireworks to cheer them up

omg whats so funny about this is that this is a scenario that happens in my oc x canon verse actually omg !! this is such a cute ask, tysm anon ! fem reader (tho no gender specified) ages arent specified here but i imagined both katsuki n reader younger (11-12) !!

there's a sudden power outage during math class.

the mix of groans and immediate screams put you on edge, they make your heart beat and you wish you could tell them all to just shut up. but you're mouth isn't working, your throat is clogged up and you can't see anything.

you hate the dark. it's embarrassing to still be scared of it at your age, it's childish and you're not a little kid anymore. you're sure katsuki wasn't scared of the dark anymore. granted, he wasn't scared of anything.

you’d walked out of your classroom, trying to maybe find some type of light source outside of class, you doubted the teacher noticed you leaving with all the chaos brewing.

very bad idea, it was pitch black. probably even darker than in class somehow. you feel your heart beat quicken as your eyes slowly start stinging.

you won’t cry, that’s so lame.

you’re old enough to know that monsters don’t exist, you know nothing is going to come snatch you up to drag you off into the darkness never to be seen again. of course you know that.

but you’re still so scared, and the scenarios you’d just made up where making you even more nervous. your eyes sting and you know it’s lame, but you really feel like crying.

if you were going to cry, you at least wanted to make sure no one could see you doing it once the lights turned back on. you manage to find a broom closet in the darkness and decide to hole up in there. you shiver, tightly hugging your knees. you feel tears prick in your eyes. it’s lame, and you’re too old to be crying, but you figure no one will know anyway.

then the door slams open.

you gasp, but don’t dare look up and squeeze your eyes shut tightly. maybe a monster was here to take you, maybe it was one of your classmates and they were gonna tell everyone how uncool and lame you were for crying.

“what’re you doing in here ?! i was lookin’ all around for you !”

you look up then, and katsuki looks back at you angrily. you bite your lip, you didn’t want him of all people to see you like this, he’d for sure think it was lame. katsuki’s expression morphs from anger to surprise to confusion. he raises a brow.

“what’re you crying for ?” the tone of his voice makes you hide your face again, furiously wiping at your eyes. you can see how he looks at you from the lights coming from outside, it peeks through the opening of the door, and you think that’s worse than a monster coming to get you.

“i-i’m not !” you mumble, your voice crackles as you do. you hear katsuki huff and then the door slams. what you were afraid of came true, you think. he thought you were embarrassing and wouldn’t want to be your friend anymore—

warm, warm hands grip at your wrists and rip them away from your face so you can see—katsuki. he’s still here ?

“liar.” he says, eyebrows furrowed. “y’know i hate liars.” you do know, you don’t want katsuki to hate you, that’s why you’re in here. you blink at him in surprise. katsuki only squints at you, before plopping down next to you. it’s a very tight squeeze, but he nudges your shoulder to make space for himself and he makes it happen.

anything katsuki put his mind to was possible. if he wanted to sit next to you in this cramped broom closet he was going to, no matter what. you always found that cool about him.

“why’d you run off ? i was looking for you..” he asks.

“i thought you wouldn’t notice..” you respond meekly. katsuki looks back at you. your shoulder hurts a bit so you readjust and move back. you can see his incredulous expression even better.

“hah ? why wouldn’t i ?”

why wouldn’t he ? because you were lame ? because crying about the dark at your age was embarrassing ?

“cus..” you fiddle with your hands, you can’t finish your sentence. katsuki finishes it for you.

“what, cus you’re scared ?” the way he says it. scared. makes you want to deny it again. but you hate lying and katsuki hates liars. so you just shrug. it’s quiet again, you hear the tapping of branches against the window outside. rain tapping the window, and then a big crack of thunder. you jump a bit despite yourself.

“teach said the power won’t be back till this let’s up.” he explains. this meaning the storm, you assume. you don’t know what to say anymore, you’re glad katsuki can’t see you.

“s’fine y’know..” he utters after a bit. you look back at him in shock, blinking rapidly. your eyes have gotten used to the darkness and you can see how his eyes dart around. he settles on pulling at his shoe laces for a bit.

“but…” you start, your throat is still clogged up “you said you hated crybabies…an’ scaredy-cats..” katsuki scowls at your words, tugging and twirling at his laces.

“i do.” he confirms, then he glances at you. “but i know you’re not.”

oh. you can’t muster up anything. you know you should say something now, and you feel your cheeks warm at his words. but it’s still so dark.

katsuki sits quietly as he inspects you. then he gets in your space again. you whine in annoyance, he’ll squish your shoulder at this rate but he grumbles back, he’s made up his mind. and there was nothing you could do about it.

and you thought that was kinda cool.

he stretches his hand out in front of you both. “look,” is all he says. you do, and after a moment.

soft little "cracks !" and "pops !" fill your ears, they’re not from outside, but from his hand, small orange lights accompanying them. you can’t stop looking, in awe as he keeps going. you always thought katsuki’s quirk was cool, and how much he control he had over it. he’d be an awesome hero, you're sure. he made sure to tell the whole world he would be.

he insisted that you’d be his number one fan forever. you always jokingly tell him he’ll have to work for it. “watch me, then !” he’d smirk, he’d claim he’d be the strongest in the world and you’d have no choice but to beg for his autograph then. “in your dreams !” you’d quip, but it never discouraged him. you never told him you were already his biggest fan. that he was your best friend in the world, that you thought he was the coolest.

“cool..” you utter quietly.

you can hear him huff proudly next to you, then the sparks slowly stop. you turn to look back at katsuki. his face is slightly illuminated by the sparks he tries to stop, you think you see a bit of pink on his cheeks.

"who cares if you're scared..i'm here, so you don't gotta be anymore." katsuki shoves his shoulder against yours teasingly "so don't go runnin' off anymore, got it ?"

and you hope his eyes have adjusted too, so he can see you smile. you're still a little scared now that it's completely dark again. and you're still not fully convinced a monster won't pop out and try to eat the both of you. but you know katsuki isn't scared of anything, and if one does show up he'll blast it away.

and he'll light up the way for you, no matter how dark it gets.

[14dayswithyou]

Meowdy Saint! ^^ What sort of havoc does Teo get into? Like besides smashing taillights.... aka... what am I going to see when Im stalking checking up on him?

✦゜ANSWERED: He's quite literally tied up in your closet right now...... I fear he's not doing much!! /silly

"Teo, I don't think this is legal..."

"Aw, don't get your panties in a twist, doll." Ignoring your words, Teo easily hoists himself over the chainlink fence and throws a casual look in your direction. "You're the one who said it was getting stuffy in the nightclub. Didn't you want to cool down?"

You glance between Teo and the empty public pool on the other side of the fence. "...I did. But this wasn't what I had in mind."

"No, but it's what I had in mind." Rolling his eyes at your hesitancy towards being rebellious, Teo throws a leg back over the fence once more and jumps off. He lands in his previous spot in the dirt with a grunt and offers you a hand. "C'mere. I'll help you over."

It takes one very large, noticeable moment before your feet start to move. Hesitancy is still thick in the air — and even in the forefront of your mind — but you somehow find it hard to say no to Teo when he's giving you those soft eyes and trademark smirk.

"C'mon. It'll be fine."

"We'll get in trouble." You manage to breathe out before you feel a pair of muscular arms around your waist. There's no time for you to react as Teo wordlessly hoists you over the fence and sits you atop the large steel bar that holds everything in place — before hoisting himself over as well.

However, he doesn't seem to wait for you to join him as the taller male takes a few steps toward the pool to suss everything out. And with a satisfied nod, he finally turns back to face you once more.

"We'll get in trouble?" With a scoff, he crosses his arms over his broad chest — making a point to flex his muscles and cock out his hip. "By who? That broken diving board?"

With an eye roll, you push yourself from the fence and jump down. "I don't know, but the... authorities... or something!"

"Don't see anyone around. Just you and me here, doll."

"W-Well... What about the cameras?" Even with nothing but the moonlight to illuminate your surroundings, you can still make out the shape of something circular in the corner of the main building.

"Oh, yeah. Forgot about those." Teo drawls as he begins to tug off his shirt. "Then we should probably give that lucky security guard a show, huh."

"Are you serious?!" You purposefully look away once he starts to remove his belt buckle. Suddenly, the questionable stain on the concrete was far more interesting than your half-naked companion. "No way!"

The sounds of something metallic hitting the floor ring in your ears before more rustling follows... Until the obnoxious sounds of water splashing everywhere drown out Teo's laughter and the rapid beating of your heart.

"Aw, you feelin' shy?" Teo's teasing lilt can be heard from somewhere within the pool as you fight the urge to look in his direction. "Gonna cry? At least let me see it."

At that, you whip your head and send him a sharp glare. It's your turn now to cross your arms over your chest, but Teo doesn't seem to acknowledge it with the way he dives back into the water and sloshes around without a care in the world.

Admittedly, it did look like he was having fun — and the droplets from all his splashing did feel nice against your bare skin.

But when your silence finally kicks in and makes itself known towards the dark-haired man, he turns to you with a serious expression and ceases his antics.

"If you really don't wanna be here, then I'll drive you home." Teo mentions offhandedly, "But the water's nice 'n cool. You're honestly missing out, dollface."

Not that you'd ever admit it out loud, but Teo did look all sorts of breathtaking as he casually waded through the water. His wet, tanned skin was glistening underneath the moonlight, and it was one of the rare occasions where he'd slick his hair back to give you the perfect view of his grey eyes — which seemed to be staring back at you with an intimate gleam to them.

Choking out a stutter, you try your best to brush it off by perching yourself on the ledge and dipping your feet into the pool.

"People have probably peed in here, y'know." You kick a bit of water in your companion's direction, but he easily brushes it off and splashes you back with his hand. You don't miss the way Teo fully turns his towards you, nor how he seems to be slowly inching his way closer to your spot by the edge of the pool.

"We can do something more indecent in here if you're up for it."

"Teo!" Your voice raises a few octaves, though you don't show any other signs of protest. "Don't you have your own pool, anyway?"

"Aw, where's the fun in that? Don't you wanna experience a new kind of thrill every once in a while?"

"..."

You despised the fact that he was right. Perhaps one of the main reasons you often found yourself drawn to Teo was because of how much excitement he brought into your life. Sometimes, it was nice to break the cycle of monotony... And Teo just so happened to be one of the very few people who could do that for you.

With a resigned sigh, you glance back at Teo and move to take off your shirt.

"See? Knew there was a reason I kept you around." He gives you a genuine smile this time, but you were too preoccupied with discarding your clothing somewhere safe to notice it. "This is why you're more fun than the others."

Teo swims closer to your side now — close enough to rest against the ledge and cage your thighs with his muscular arms. And had you chosen to look down at him, you would've noticed the soft look in his eyes and the faint blush on his cheeks.

"...Thanks for indulging me all the time."

[diorgirl444]

From one matt dilly girl to another...🤨

cowboy!dallas how do we feel

Like full on texan accent omggg- 🤭🤭

you get it oh my godddddd. maybe bcs i’m english but this is so mouthwatering to me i can’t even lie to you!!! so much that i’ve written a few cutesy lil hcs for it xxx

cowboy! dallas winston x farmer’s daughter! reader

warnings: bad writing! (girlies i’ve never kissed anyone or flirted so my expression only comes from writing fanfiction so it may not be the most realistic i’m afraid), fem! reader, very self indulgent, unspecified time period. poor understanding of american history i’m english please go easy on me, idk how many words <3

• okay so i see your cowboy! dallas winston and i raise you runaway outlaw! dallas winston posing as a farmhand on reader’s family farm

• i’m thinking he’s an outlaw because after getting in a fight with his alcoholic father he ran away with their horse and in order to survive he stole from carriages and things. a regular billy the kid you know?

• except it’s not easy for a seventeen year old out on his lonesome on all that land and with the law looking for you. but he has no choice so he keeps running till he reaches a farm far, far out west. that night he is so, so tired that he hides in their barn planning to wake up early so he doesn’t get caught.

• but he hasn’t been able to sleep properly in days so he fully crashes. he wakes up that morning with a girl leaning over him pressing her cool hand to his forehead, the sunlight from the open barn makes her hair like a halo and she’s in a beautiful white nightdress and so he briefly wonders if he’s died and she’s one of heavens angels.

• the allusion shatters when she’s realised he’s woken and she calls “daddy he’s alive!” and then his eyes widen and he realises there’s a whole family crowded around him. he excepts to be shouted, to be threatened maybe even hit but instead the wrinkled old man who he assumes is the father of the house says in a gruff but not unkind voice “you got a place to stay son?”

• dallas is vaguely aware that he doesn’t know these people that they could report him to their nearest sheriff or worse eat him or something gruesome like that. but something about the apple cheeked girl, the twin little boys in mismatched plaid and the kind eyes in the wrinkled faces of the parents has him feeling at ease and so he admits “no sir”

• the mother nudges her husband who nods before speaking “well sonny you’re in luck. i’m in need of a farmhand. can’t pay ya but i can offer ya food and board for you and that horse of yours. does that sound like a deal boy?” dallas nods, hardly believing his luck.

• the girl smiles widely and softly whispers to him “i told daddy we should keep you” he decides not to tell her that she could keep him forever if she wanted. maybe it’s a bit early for that yet.

• he falls into a routine pretty quickly at the farm. he does all the hard labour that the father of the house is too old to do now like cutting firewood or rounding the cattle up. he always catches sight of the girl picking fresh fruit and prancing around the farm in her cute little cowboy boots and his heart aches.

• what he doesn’t know is the parents have noticed the way him and their daughter look at each other or ankles press together under the table so they’re always trying little things to get them together. like sending her out to give him glasses of sweet iced tea or getting him to ride their horses with her.

• it finally happens though late one hot august evening. the farm is lazy for a change with most people napping trying to beat the heat. she’s eating cherries and staining lips and hands on the porch swing whilst intently a very sweaty shirtless dallas work on the farm.

• he catches her looking and grins saying “you know what they say about cherry stems?” she shakes her head, batting her lashes at him absentmindedly and he seems to grin even wider.

• “well if you can tie a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue. means you’re a good kisser” his honeyed southern tone drawls out.

• almost in a trance she hands him a cherry stem and flushes bright red when he cockily sticks his tongue out flashing the knotted up cherry stem. “my turn” she tells him trying to distract herself from the growing butterflies in her stomach.

• “nah doll i got another way to check for you” before she can ask what is, he’s leaning over the porch railings and kissing her. she eagerly kissed him back letting her cherry stained fingers grab onto his hair and he’s groaning slightly against his lips. they probably would of gone further has it not been for the cough behind them.

• they awkwardly pull away, her with red cheeks and dallas with red ears and they meet her fathers gaze “happy to see you two finally pulled it together but if you’re gonna act like dogs in heat do that where the lord can’t see you, hm kids?” he gives them a knowing smile as he walks off.

• and well they listen to him and disappear off the barn hand in hand just as they one day will leave the local chapel dressed in white….

[thesunisatangerine]

against all odds (to wait for you is all i can do) – part nine

alexia putellas x photojournalist!reader

warnings: mentions of grief, suggestive material, hurt/comfort

(a/n in the tags) [parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve]

word count: 6.6k

words in italics: whatever language you like

Before this misunderstanding could get any bigger, you stepped in quickly. 

“Alexia, this is Elisa, my daughter and that’s my brother’s husband, Robert. Elisa, Robert, this is Alexia.”

At that, Alexia’s gaze softened but when she met your eyes, questions swam in those hazel pools, ones that you sensed concerned your daughter. You gave Alexia a tight-lipped smile in answer–this was neither the time nor place to talk about something like that. 

“Oh, I see. It’s nice to meet you both,” Alexia spoke in English.

She walked closer to the stands to where Robert stood and reached out a hand for him to shake. Robert–who finally got some of his color back after Alexia stopped leering at him–regarded Alexia’s hand with an uneasy look like it was something dangerous before he eventually shook it. Then Alexia turned to Elisa and offered her a closed fist while your daughter only gawked at Alexia, obviously starstruck. “And it’s nice to meet you, too, Elisa.”

Elisa remained still and unusually quiet so you coaxed softly, “ladybug?”

That seemed to snap Elisa out from her starstruck stupor and as she came back to herself, her eyes darted to you. You smiled at her, encouraging, then you tilted your head at Alexia’s direction. Slowly, Elisa bumped her fist against Alexia’s, cheeks reddening immediately as she scurried off behind Robert right after, peeking through the gap between her uncle’s hip and arm to look at Alexia shyly. 

“Do you want me to sign your shirt?”

Elisa nodded. Robert passed the shirt to Alexia, who signed it, before she passed it back to Robert.

“Thank you,” came Elisa’s bashful gratitude.

When your eyes flitted back to Alexia’s face, you found her brows tilted upwards which allowed the stadium lights to brighten her already fair eyes. She looked on at Elisa’s timid display with warmth and the sight of such softness in her demeanour tugged at your heartstring. 

Without tearing her attention away from Elisa, Alexia said through a small smile, “she’s adorable, no?”

“She’s a little shy but she’s actually a big fan of yours. You should see her practicing your moves–”

“Mom…” Elisa whined, stopping you from embarrassing her further. You sent her an apologetic smile before you mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ to her.

“Oh, you play football? How old are you?” Alexia asked softly. 

After  a moment of silence, you took the helm when you noticed Elisa wasn’t going to answer. Her reaction to Alexia was completely understandable. Alexia, despite being one of the warmest people you knew, could easily intimidate some with her presence due to her reserved and stoic nature. Her gaze–especially for the ones who were new to meet her–could be so intense and disarming that it was hard not to look away or, in this case, shy away from her.

“She turned twelve last February. And yes, she’s actually enrolled in a Barça Academy located near our city.”

Alexia’s brows rose with interest. She regarded Elisa again as she spoke, switching to Spanish this time, with clear approval in her tone. “So she has Blaugrana in her blood. What position does she play?”

“Barça is by far her favorite club and it doesn’t help that you play in it. And she plays forward.” You answered in the same tongue. 

Alexia hummed, the corner of her lips quirking up. You knew that look so when she turned back to you, you raised a brow at her.

“What? Disappointed she doesn’t play midfield like you?” 

She flashed you a sheepish half-smile and rubbed her cheek with a finger, a gesture that you still found so endearing, before she threw her hands up in false surrender. “I’m just saying! And you can’t really blame me for having a bias.” 

“No, of course not. How could I hold that against you?” You said in an excessively dry tone. What you didn’t expect was for Alexia to throw her head back as laughter bubbled out from her throat in a familiar melody that tickled your ear, and you couldn’t help the grin that made its way to your lips at her amusement. She looked so beautiful like this: her hair–now back to its light brown shade–untamed with the way baby strands clung to the slight dampness on her temple, and the rosy blush painted upon her cheeks and nose from the events that just occurred; she looked so carefree in this moment, in the aftermath of their victory, that the glow of her youth shone right through, unfiltered.

When your eyes flitted over to Elisa and Robert, you found them gaping at your interaction with wide eyes, looking very much unsure on what to make of it. Then you also realised Alexia’d stopped laughing and she was now looking at you with a small smile on her lips. Your cheeks warmed at the attention, at having been caught staring, so you casted your eyes down to your feet, clearing your throat as you kicked an invisible pebble.

It surprised you, the ease with which you were able to fall back in playful banter with Alexia as if the fifteen months that made strangers from the both you never existed. Alexia must’d thought the same thing because when you looked at her again, Alexia’s smile had dimmed somewhat but the warmth in her eyes never left.

“Congratulations on the win, by the way. You earned it. All of you did.” You said, indicating at the golden medal around her neck. The urge to hug her as you spoke pervaded you but you managed to brush it off. 

Alexia looked down at it, her lips quirking up into a small proud smile.

“Thank you.” A pause as she regarded you. And then, “want to hold it?”

The suggestion took you aback and you were quick to dismiss her. “Oh, no, I’m good–”

Alexia, being Alexia, stepped into you space anyway, took your right hand and placed the medal on your palm. You tried not to focus too much on how her touch electrified you by focusing on how the surface of the metal cooled your skin, its weight surprisingly heavier than it looked, and you traced its intricate engravings with the pads of your fingers, admiring the details. 

“Can we talk?” Alexia said in a low voice that only the both of you would be able to hear. She was standing less than an arm’s length away from you–when did she get so close?–and the softness you found in her hazel eyes when you gazed up at her made you want to reach out and brush your thumb over the skin beneath them. 

At your silence Alexia touched your right wrist and you felt her thumb grazed ove the bracelet she gave you. Her gaze was magnetic and you were powerless against her pull.

You began, “I–”

“Alexia! Come on, we have to go!” Both of your heads turned to the voice. It was Misa who was waving Alexia over to where their other teammates were gathering. Alexia gave Misa a gesture to wait and she looked back at you again but with desperation now in her eyes. 

“Go. I’ll be in Barcelona for a week starting next Thursday. We can talk sometime then?” 

Alexia nodded, gave you a small smile before she turned to walk away. She startled you when she faced you again and before you knew it, her arms were wrapped around your shoulders.

“Same place?” She whispered in your ear.

You snaked your arms around her waist. 

“You know where to find me.”

So it was then on this late, warm Friday evening in Barcelona the week after the Olympics final, you found yourself opening the door to Alexia. 

You had agreed to meet the next day for lunch so it was more than a surprise to you to find her under the warm glow of the porch light right then. And before a word could even leave your mouth to voice your confusion, Alexia strode into your space, crowding you until your back hit the cool surface of the wall next to the door as it swung close.

Alexia was in front of you now, the distance between you so sparse that you could feel the heat that emanated from her body. You stared up at her, breathless when you were finally able to speak, “Alexia–”

“Are you seeing someone right now?” Her tone was even though the crease in her brows and the fervid depth in her eyes made you shiver.

“Wait, what are–”

“Just answer me!”

“No! Why–”

Before you knew it, her hand cradled your jaw as she brought her lips to yours, and the only thing you could do was gasp from the sudden heat of it all. It was filled with such ardour, Alexia’s kiss, that each movement of her lips threatened to both destroy and mend you again, each pull as devastating and as sweet as the last. But the sweetness didn’t last long; not after you felt the warmth against your cheeks and tasted salt on your tongue.

Alexia was crying.

She was aching, you knew it–could feel it in the slight quiver of her lips, in the frantic way with which her fingers tangled in your hair. And from her pain came yours, unfurling from your heart, into your throat, longing–reaching–to comfort and be soothed by her, your almost lover. Though it hurt, it made your teeth ache with the bittersweetness of it all because here she was breathing the same air as you, sharing the same heat as her lips melted with yours, and, god, how it felt like coming home–like the first breath once you breached the surface after being submerged for so long.

Was this what it felt like to be exhumed? Was this what life tasted like?

The kiss was slow and deep, the way only two almost lovers knew how to; the both of you took your time mapping each other’s lips, learning how to move in the same rhythm again. It was familiar but the tenderness–that gentle ardour–was above all else amplified, warming your flesh and blood to a delicate simmer. 

You sighed against Alexia’s lips as you pressed your body further into her, and in response she to you, and you relished how in spite of the strength that rested beneath the firmness of her self, everything about her remained, oh, so soft. And it was this want for more closeness that prompted you to tighten the grip around her hand that cupped your jaw, an unspoken plea for her to not let go–to not let you go.

How had you gone on for so long without her touch?

A familiar scream ruptured the silence, shattering the moment instantly.

It was automatic and immediate your reaction to it: you tore yourself from Alexia’s embrace and rushed towards Elisa’s bedroom, ignoring the way your vision blurred from the sudden exertion, your lungs protested as you hurried up the stairs. You were already expecting it but like all the times you were faced with it, your heart broke all the same at the sight of Elisa sitting up by the headboard of her bed, spine crooked as she curled in on herself, head lowered to the top of her knees while her hands pressed against her ears. Upon your intrusion, she lifted her head to reveal wide eyes that darted to you, frantic at first, but the apprehension in them dimmed when she saw you. 

You tried to compose yourself as you approached her slowly, before you placed yourself just by the edge of her bed.

Gently, you called out, “ladybug?”

Not a second later did Elisa throw herself into your embrace and immediately hid her face in the crook of your neck, her hands clawing and gripping at the fabric of your shirt while her sobs made rattles from her bones. All of her self was tense, taught and coiled, her pain’s physical manifestation–all the intangible grief violently wrought into existence. 

Elisa clung to you as she cried and you could do nothing in the moment but offer comfort through your embrace, hugging her just as tight, brushing back her hair–consoling–as you began a common lullaby in her mother tongue, rocking her to its gentle rhythm in the hopes that it could salve the wounds of her past even a little. 

In her own time, Elisa emerged from the throes of her grief, her grip on your soaked shirt loosened, her sobs now reduced to hiccups and sniffles. You carded your fingers through her damp hair and wiped the sweat that lined her forehead.

As softly as you could, you whispered, “want to talk about it, ladybug?”

Elisa didn’t answer as she seemed to gather herself, gnawing on her lower lips, brows creased in a pained frown. You were about to remind her that she didn’t have to when she answered in a voice so small that made the rawness in it all the more pronounced. 

“I saw Mother’s… I saw her dead beside me again.” She cuddled closer to you before she continued, “it’s always been her but when I looked this time I–”

Fresh tears sprung to her eyes, they fell when she squeezed them shut, and your heart broke a little more. You were quick to hug her tighter, pressing a kiss on the top of her head to console her. Elisa sniffled then she continued, “this time I–I saw you instead. I saw you dead.”

Elisa whimpered and she clung to you again.

“Oh, ladybug. That must have been difficult to see.” You hugged her tighter. “Were you scared?”

Nod. 

“What were you scared of?”

Silence. 

“I was scared because I thought I was alone again. I was scared you left me, too.”

Her answer made you pause and you regarded her, your worry now twofold. 

“What else do you feel, Elisa?”

“I don’t know,” Elisa shrugged. She pressed a fist to her chest, “but it hurts right here. I hate it. I want it to disappear. Why does it still hurt so much?” 

The state of her pained you enough as it was but how much more agonising this must be for Elisa? So you pressed your temple on her head as you began, soft but firm when the words passed through your lips. 

“It aches so it’s not surprising you want it to go away. And you hate it because it stays with you. And it hurts because you’re still grieving, Elisa. A year may feel like a long time but what happened to you is not an easy thing to move on from. You’re still trying to heal.” 

“If there is part of you that’s telling you it’s your fault your family died, I want you to remember that it isn’t. It isn’t your fault. You were so loved, Elisa, and you loved them just as much. And you still are loved.”

“I won’t leave you. As long as we’re here–your Uncle Derek, Uncle Robert, Nana, and I–as long as you want us to be, we’ll be your family and we love you. And death might come for all of us, and it is scary, terrifying and painful most times, but our love will never fade. The love given to you and the love that made you, they will never leave you, Elisa. Love comes and goes, and it may change its form, but it is never lost. You’re right here with me and you’re safe, and I love you. You’re never alone, ladybug, don’t you ever forget that.”

Elisa turned her head to look up at you and in the warm glow of her nightlight, you saw her chin quiver. “Promise you’ll never leave me?”

“As long as I breathe, I promise.”

You pressed a kiss on the top of her head, on her temple, then on her forehead before you hugged her again. Elisa sagged in your embrace as a watery sigh escaped her lips, and though she sniffled, she shed no more tears.

“I love you, too, Mom.”

In response, you kissed her forehead.

“How are you feeling now, ladybug?”

“A lot better, thank you.”

“Do you need me to get you anything?”

“Water, please?” 

“Okay. Do you want to come with me downstairs or are you alright with me going for a bit?”

Elisa thought about it before she said, “I’ll be alright here.”

You smiled at your daughter, half encouraging and more than proud, as your chest filled with warmth at her display of bravery. You stood, grabbed a fresh shirt from her closet and placed it on her lap so she could change out of her damp one. “Okay. How about you change into this while I’m gone, hmm? I’ll be right back.”

She nodded and you darted out of the room but not after you placed another kiss on top of her head and squeezed her knee for reassurance. So engrossed were you in your aim that you nearly ran into Alexia who was just standing off to the side of the doorway, an unopened bottle of water in hand. As soon as she saw you, she offered it to you without a word with a soft look in her eyes made warmer by the dim, yellow glow of the wall lamp beside her head. It was a simple gesture but your heart expanded from the thought behind it, so much so that you nearly cried when you took the bottle from her. 

“Is there anything else you need?” Alexia whispered as she stepped into your space, brushing the back of her hand over your cheek gently. You leant into the comfort of her touch and sighed, before you shook your head in answer.

“This is more than enough, thank you.” You met Alexia’s gaze one more time before you knocked on Elisa’s door and slipped back into it upon her consent. Once inside, you opened the bottle and gave it to Elisa and as she sipped from it, you ventured into her closet again to grab a small towel to dry her sweat with.

“How do you feel, ladybug?” You asked as you ran the towel over her face and the back of her neck.

“Sleepy,” she said with a small smile. You returned it in kind.

“Do you want to try going back to sleep? I’ll stay here if you want.”

Elisa yawned her agreement as she nodded so you tucked her in. Then you reclined against her headboard and began a lullaby, gently dragging the back of your finger in the space between her eyes until her eyelids fluttered close before her breathing deepened and eventually evened out. You remained there until you were certain Elisa had fallen asleep completely before you slipped back out, making sure to leave a slight gap between the door and the frame just in case Elisa woke up again. 

It wasn’t a surprise when you found Alexia still patiently waiting out in the hall, who pushed herself from the wall she was leaning on upon seeing you.

“Is she okay?” She asked softly, looking over your shoulder at Elisa’s door, concern apparent in her tone and the crease between her brows. 

“She’s… she’ll get there. She’s been through a lot for someone so young but she’s getting better.” It was getting frequent again, you noted with more than a hint of worry, Elisa’s recurring nightmares about the horrors she’d witnessed. You knew you needed to talk to Elisa about her therapy and if she’d be inclined to take more sessions to unpack this because there was only so much you could do to help her.

“What happened to her?” 

You looked at Alexia at that, unable to answer her–had no desire to if you were being honest. How could you come up with the words to explain it especially when doing so would lead to questions about what happened to you? And that was something you truly didn’t want to, or even knew how to, talk about. 

Alexia must had found something in your eyes because she just nodded at your reticence and casted her gaze down. You grazed your knuckles over the back of her hand, partly in appreciation for her respect and partly for her to follow you, while you stepped past her to the stairs down to the living room, Alexia’s footsteps not too far behind you. 

The both of you entered the living room in silence, the tension from what transpired between the two of you upon Alexia’s arrival and the weight of what you were about to talk about made the air thick for breathing. 

With crossed arms you settled on the wingback chair on the far side of the coffee table while Alexia situated herself on the other at the opposite side, leaving the couch unoccupied; the memories in it far too intimate for two people who’d grown apart.

During this reprieve, you finally allowed yourself the luxury to take Alexia in. You didn’t really get the chance to, it had all been a blur the moment she strode through the door, but now your eyes roamed over her freely. 

She had a pair of low rise denims on, a leather jacket over a white shirt that revealed a strip of her stomach while her loose, light brown hair framed her face. Even when sitting down, her character remained undiminished especially with the way she sat with her legs parted, one hand hanging over the chair’s arm while the other was on her chin, fingers splayed over her lips as she regarded you quietly in a fixing gaze that left you feeling exposed–vulnerable. 

Alexia brushed her lower lip with her fingers as she sank further against the upholstered back of the chair, tilting her chin up slightly as she kept her eyes trained at you. Her movement caused the warm glow of the light to touch her lips, drawing your attention to them, and you noted how they still glistened from the sheen of your lip balm from when she’d kissed you before, and the reminder made you burn, unpleasant in the way it ached, a bittersweet mixture of your immense desire and longing for the woman before you. It was intentional the way she moved; you knew it from the way Alexia’s eyes challenged you to speak up but you couldn’t quite find the words to say–you didn’t dare to. 

“Are they real?” Came the question. 

It was low and even, how Alexia posed it, but the abruptness with which the silence was broken made you flinch. That didn’t go unnoticed by Alexia it seemed because her gaze immediately softened. 

“Are what real?” 

“What you wrote in those notes you left me. Are they?” 

The silence that settled in the space between you pressed against your chest, made even heavier with the weight in Alexia’s eyes. You tore your gaze away from her and you didn’t dare look back up. 

“Look at me and tell me those didn’t mean a thing and I’ll leave.” ‘Just like you left me’, you heard the words Alexia left unspoken and then she continued, “I’ll leave and I won’t bother you again.”

She was serious. You knew if you lied and told her otherwise, she’d keep her word; she’d be out of your life completely. Were you willing to run? Were you ready to live a life without her for good?

Still without meeting her eyes you voiced barely above a whisper, “I… I can’t.”

Then you heard Alexia draw a breath, long and deep, followed by the unmistakable rustle of clothes before the air stilled once more. Not a moment later though a choked sound broke the quiet and immediately, your head whipped to the sound and found Alexia now bent forward, elbows resting on the top of her knees, her head bowed into the cradle of her open palms while her hair formed a curtain around her face. 

“‘What’s happening to me? I’ve not know desire like this–like how it is with you. How, then, can I go on without you now that I found you?’” Each word came out strained as her breath stuttered and yours, too, hitched at what Alexia just recited. Then she lifted her head up a fraction but it was enough for you to see the undisguised pain reflected in those eyes and the sight of them made yours burn. 

“You didn’t even give me a chance. You wrote and left those words to me but what was I supposed to do with them? What was I meant to do?” 

A pause.

“I thought I knew what feeling lost was like. My ACL taught me that and when my father–” Alexia screwed her eyes shut as she drew in a heavy breath. She continued after a moment, “but after you went away, I felt lost again. I didn’t know what to do with myself, didn’t know how or what to feel. All I knew was I was mad at you for leaving, for what you said to me, for not responding… I was hurt. And I felt so empty that I didn’t look through that damn bag you left me.”

“But I missed you. God, I missed you, so I opened it and what did I find? Your fucking notes.” Alexia laughed, flat and void of any warmth, and she shook her head as if in disbelief, digging the heels of her palms into her sockets before looking back at you with raw eyes. “‘With every kiss, every touch, I become more yours. If you ask me to, I will surrender myself to you.’ If you truly meant that, why did you leave?” 

“Won’t you even tell me why?” Alexia repeated, now pleading. 

“I–” You began but the words caught in your throat as you turned her question over in her head because why, why did you leave? 

“I was… I was afraid.” You admitted finally, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“Afraid of what?” 

“To hear that I meant nothing to you, to know I felt more for you than you did for me. I was just one of your girls, right?” You laughed bitterly, hating the way tears immediately fell down your cheeks, as you looked over Alexia’s shoulder, unable to look her in the eye as you spoke. You were weak enough as it was, so bare that one word from her could make you bleed if she wanted to.

“I couldn’t bear to hear that from you so I left. And perhaps it was cruel of me to leave those notes behind but I didn’t want to take them with me. I didn’t want the reminder of what we had and what we could’ve been. And I guess, deep down, I just wanted you to know how you made me feel because even if it ended, even if it meant nothing to you, that doesn’t change the fact that you made me happy.”

“‘Nothing?’ What do you mean–” Confusion first swam in her hazel eyes but her eyes suddenly widened. “That day… you were there?”

You hastily wiped your tears away with the back of your hand. “Yes.” 

“Oh my god,” Alexia whispered as she lowered her head even further, fingers digging into her scalp as she shook her head. You heard her mutter something in Catalan that you couldn’t quite understand, barely catching the familiar Spanish words for ‘kill’ and ‘two’ from whatever she said. 

Then Alexia gazed up at you with fire in her eyes. “If what we had meant nothing to me, I wouldn’t be here. Whatever you heard that day, there’s no truth to it.”

“All of it? Then tell me, what did Mapi mean when she said I’m one of your girls?” 

At that, Alexia opened her mouth before closing it again, then she casted her gaze aside. 

Your heart dropped.

She wrung her fingers, the muscle in her jaw ticked while her frown deepened but she found the courage to look you in the eye again as she began to speak. “After I got injured, I was a wreck. It was one of the lowest points of my life. I felt like I was stuck, like my life was playing out in front of me and I couldn’t do anything but watch.”

“The world moved on but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get past it, what happened and what would come after. It was a constant one step forward, three steps back. So I… I slept around because I needed control. I was spiralling when you met me and it’s–it’s true I had others while I was with you.”

Oh, how her words branded you! Perhaps there was still a small part of you that hoped Alexia would deny it but as the words spilled from Alexia’s lips, that vision was immediately dashed and in its place bloomed anguish. Your eyes burnt as you took Alexia in, she–with her lips pressed in a thin line and the corners of them crooked downwards, brows furrowed so deep her eyes were almost covered–looked guilty and in as much pain as you upon her own admittance.

“I had others but not after the first time we had dinner together. At that point, I stopped. I stopped because I hoped… I hoped that we could be more. I still do. But it never meant nothing to me, you never meant nothing to me. I just want you to know that.”

You bit your lip as her words sank in, and your stomach dropped even further as you realised something. The falling out, it was all your fault, wasn’t it? If you’d just talked to her, none of this would’ve happened. 

The silence must had lasted longer than you realised because you heard Alexia’s whispered plea, “please, say something.”

“I… I want nothing more than to be with you, Alexia. In my mind, it had always been you and instead of telling you, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t make my intentions clear and it was unfair of me to expect you to know them. I was going to–I was going to ask you to be mine that night but when I heard you say those words, I lost it.” 

Tears tracked down your cheeks as you choked out, “I’m sorry. I broke us, didn’t I?”

Alexia was quick to answer. 

“No, you were scared and hurting. I can’t hold that against you. And it’s not just you, it’s not like I was very vocal about what I wanted either. I should’ve told you what you meant to me, I should’ve made it clear what I wanted from this–from us.” Alexia looked into your eye with an ardent disposition that made you shiver while a small, hopeful smile graced her lips. “I still want you. If you still want me, have me.” 

Her declaration moved you and this wasn’t the first time tonight that her words made your heart ache–fed fuel to the fire that was your yearning. The temptation to accept her offer was too much but you stopped yourself; the logical part of you who knew that you weren’t the same person as the one Alexia met prevented you from saying yes. 

“I’m not the same person I was from before, Alexia. And I have a child. I don’t want you to trick yourself into thinking you want what comes with me just because you want me.”

“Then let me in! Let me know this version of yourself and don’t decide for me if I want or don’t want to be with you. Let me make that choice this time.” Alexia said, almost exasperated in the way she threw her hands up but desperation weighed heavier in her voice. “We don’t need to label it. You’re mine and I’m yours, isn’t that what matters?”

“And if it doesn’t work out?”

“And if it does? And now that we know what we want from each other, it’s not like how it was before.” Alexia countered easily. Then she added with a half smile, teasing. “C’mon. I thought you’re the optimistic one in this relationship?”

You couldn’t help it, you smiled at her lightness. Then you nodded. 

“Okay. So, can we start over slow?”

“That sounds good.” Then Alexia grinned, mischievous with the way she brushed her thumb over her nose and how her dimple gilded the corner of her lips. “Hi, I’m Alexia. What’s your name?” 

The absurdity of what she said caught you off guard, even more so the laughter that bubbled out from your throat. As your laughter faded and Alexia’s grin dimmed to a small smile, a vacuous silence settled over the both of you, a welcome reprieve from the weight and tension that filled the air moments ago. Your eyes roamed over Alexia’s figure in silent appraisal, and hers over yours, as you mapped the familiar contours of her silhouette. Then you noticed a change in her demeanour: her eyes darkened, a look you were well acquainted with fifteen months–a look that your body remembered all too well with the way your flesh burnt. 

“Did you have others?” The question took you aback and you were sure that you weren’t able to hide the surprise from your face because where the hell did that come from? Still, you indulged her.

“Not in the way you think. I can’t even kiss anyone without thinking of you. It’s not fair to them if I take them on as my lover when I know I’m still hung up on you.”

“‘Still’, huh?” Alexia hummed in response and her gaze only became darker, eyes now lidded.

You scoffed at her arrogance but it lacked any real bite because it was true anyway. Your cheeks warmed at her attention and you crossed your legs, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Alexia–the way she bit her lower lip made it known to you she knew just what she was doing to you–before you casted your eyes aside, down to the floor. “Don’t be an ass about it.” 

At the sound of clothes rustling, you looked back up only to find Alexia had already crossed the distance and now stood an arm’s length away. Your body, always in tune to her presence, parted your legs before you could think better of it and Alexia claimed what little space between you, her knees now against the edge of the chair. 

She planted both hands on either side of your chair’s arms as she leant down, craning her neck so that you could feel the warmth of her breath against your cheek.

“I’m being serious.” 

The words were whispered so close to your lips that you could feel the heat of hers as they brushed over yours. 

“I tried. But you… you had others, didn’t you? I saw the photos.” You tilted your head, relished the way Alexia followed and ghosted over your lips as you did so, whispering the words against her jaw. 

She shivered.

“One. Just the one before I read your notes.” And she leant in again and this time, you could almost taste her lips from how close she was to you. “She never touched me. And besides, who do you think she looked like?”

An image of the woman came to your mind. You didn’t realise it then but now her resemblance to you became apparent: the colour of her hair and the length of it, the colour of her eyes, her height. They were all similar to you.

“But you touched her.” It wasn’t a question and the silence that followed was confirmation enough. You didn’t hold that against her–couldn’t–but it hurt you still. You didn’t even know you’d teared up until Alexia swept her thumb over the corner of your eye, soft and careful; apologetic. And then a fire sparked in you, an all consuming green that prompted you to ghost your lips back to Alexia’s neck. You didn’t miss the way her pulse jumped when you left a light kiss there.

“Tell me, Ale. Did she feel better than me?”

“No,” Alexia choked out and the heat of it warmed your ear.

A kiss to the corner of her jaw. “Did she moan your name like I did?”

“No.”

You placed another kiss to the lobe of her ear before you whispered, low and cruel, and obscenely shameless. 

“Did she come for you like I did?” 

That did it.

Alexia took the back of your head in her hand and pulled you in for a kiss. A soft moan left your mouth–or was it from Alexia–as you surrendered to her heat, melting instantly and lips parting for her and her only. You felt her other hand creep down to the small of your back where she pulled you forward, urging you to stand up. When you did, and without breaking the kiss, Alexia manoeuvred the both of you until you felt the soft texture of the couch against the skin of your calves.

You pulled away with a gasp and before Alexia could upon her eyes, you stepped aside and pushed her just enough for her to end up on the couch, eyes flying in surprise at the sudden change of position. She opened her mouth, as if to protest, but she quickly shut it when you straddled her lap, hands automatically over her jaw and neck as you sank into her lips again. 

Alexia dragged her lips away from yours and you were about to sigh in disappointment until you felt her tracing the lobe of your ear with her tongue. Then she nipped along your jaw as she whispered, a smile clear in her voice, “that’s right… You like being on top.”

You shivered as her hands traced your silhouette but when you felt her hands move from your ass to the edge of your shirt, brushing against the skin of your back with clear intentions, the haze lifted immediately as apprehension filled you. The words didn’t even leave your mouth before Alexia stopped her ministrations, pulling away from your lips gently, and she opened her eyes, which revealed at first the deep desire in them, now replaced with concern as she met your gaze.  

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

Shaking your head, you placed a slow, lingering kiss on her lips before you broke away again, breathing heavily as you rested your forehead on hers.

“I’m sorry. And no, you didn’t. It’s not that I don’t want you because I do. God, I want you so much, you don’t even know, but I’m not–I think we’re going too fast and Elisa…” You trailed off, cheeks warming. 

Without another word, Alexia fixed the hem of your shirt so the strip of exposed skin was covered, and placed a tender kiss on your cheek. Then she shifted beneath you, shrugged off her leather jacket and placed it on the coffee table, before she lied down. 

A gentle hand on your back urged you down on her chest and upon doing so, you sighed as a sense of peace washed over you and you found yourself sinking into her tender warmth, into the safety of her arms wrapped around your waist.

She brushed back hair from your temple and you felt the flutter of her hum against your cheek before you heard it. “Are you comfortable?”

The gesture made you ache and you feared your words would fail you if you spoke so you only nodded, nuzzling the column of her neck with your nose and placed a kiss there as a form of gratitude.

Alexia pressed her lips on top of your head and then you heard her sigh, content. “Good.”

[outivv]

Scar x masc reader!!

“So like… do you like men?” That stupid idiot of a man asks you from behind bars, tied up cause he’s a dangerous criminal who’s a threat to Jinzhou… but- he’s kinda hot. “Sure.” Is all you say, looking at the book you have to keep you company, or so you thought- but this… Scar fellow seems to be plenty entertaining, or at least he’s trying to be. “So… does that mean a handsome man like yourself would be able to be bribed with some kisses to let me out of here?” Scar says, clearly trying to bargain his ass out of jail… but you just look at him, and roll your eyes. “No.” You can just see the pout forming on his face, and you nearly feel bad for your boyfriend who’s locked up. “Oh- but why! I thought you loved me, my darling.” Jesus Christ, the way he calls you his darling nearly has a shiver running up your spine, and he sure as hell notices it- making a smirk spread across his face.

Are you maybe… a part of the Fractsidus, and just posing as an officer in Jinzhou? Yes. Why? To break your boyfriend out of jail. However, you think he needs to learn his lesson first. “Cause, you were too careless and got yourself thrown into jail.” You say, reaching between the metal bars and flicking his forehead while he’s all tied up. “In my defense, it’s all a part of my master plan, darling.” You just want to wipe that sorry smirk off of his stupid, handsome face! You roll your eyes at him again, and scar stands up with his hands tied behind his back, and he gets closer to the metal bars of his cell. “Just one kiss? You don’t even have to let me out.” He says, almost teasing you- and you know he is. But, how can you resist.

“Fine.” You say, against your better judgement of course, before you gently kiss him between the bars of his cell, and melt into the kiss too… until you hear the jangle of your keys, and his cell door swings open. “Oh, darling- didn’t I ever tell you to never let your enemies get too close?” He teases, hands reaching out to grab your hips- before he kisses you again, and again. “You’re not an enemy, so it doesn’t count.” Your playful whispering between kisses has Scar smirking against your lips, before groaning as he feels your fingers tug through his hair. “Mm- pretty boy… I think we got some time to spare before we gotta kick my master plan into action…” scar says, breaking the kisses just for a second, before playfully rubbing his nose against yours, and trailing his lips over your jaw, and down your neck. Course, this is all just a part of his plan… so how can you say no?

[crystallizsch]

🐍: —?! Prefect, is everything alrigh-

💜: Don’t- say anything. Please.

(oh lore? below the cut?)

(cw: nightmares, implied death/suicide <- ONLY AT THE END) — 800+ words — I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS THIS LONG???

━━━━━━✦

the vice housewarden of scarabia, jamil viper, didn't think he'd be bringing the ramshackle prefect to stay over at his room, and much to his roommate's confusion. then again, the roommate knew better than to question his choices.

it was the end of the day and the vice housewarden was on his way back to his dorm after a late-night errand.

what he didn’t expect was the ramshackle prefect coming out of the shadows and tackling him in a hug.

jamil almost threw down the unassuming prefect out of instinctual self-defense.

but the prefect gripped his back as if she was holding on for dear life— quivering, her head buried in his shoulders, holding back sobs, profusely apologizing over and over and over-

“sorry, sorry, sorry—“

the prefect said she had a nightmare.

jamil just froze, entirely confused.

all this because of a dream? what is the prefect even apologizing for other than whatever this is.

━━━━━━✦

jamil didn’t really know what to make of all of this, but it was hard not to pity the state the prefect was in.

pity. that’s the right word.

he only clarified to himself because the word, concern, briefly passed his mind.

it was not concern. why would he be concerned?

and if it weren’t for pity, jamil would have been annoyed instead. he had to admit, he didn’t know which would have been the worse approach, even though he opted for the former.

plus, this was a side to the prefect that the vice housewarden had not seen before.

vulnerable.

very vulnerable.

as if her walls finally fell. and jamil was able to bear witness behind it.

to choose whether or not to step inside those walls is up for debate in his mind.

no, stop it. not again. there was no point in involving himself more with the prefect this time.

jamil could have walked her back to ramshackle. but they were already in the mirror room, and he didn’t feel like making that trek.

or he might have been too tired and too dumbfounded to think.

yeah, those were jamil's excuses.

━━━━━━✦

it’s not like the ramshackle prefect, yuusha tala, understood either. how this all went down.

why the first person she beelined towards was the one who played a part in her nightmare.

why she felt comfort at his mere presence despite recoiling the moment she looks into his eyes.

either because of fear, disgust, or… guilt?

━━━━━━✦

this phenomenon had happened before.

yuusha and ace got off on a horrible foot at the start, deuce was just another guy that got involved with them by chance, and grim was an annoying cat.

and yet, it felt like she’d known them forever despite having only known them a few months.

there was no way they were all that compatible of a friend group to end up that way.

but the soft spot she felt for all three of them was like they were longtime friends in another life.

and now it’s this… bastard. the one yuusha fell head over heels at first only to feel used and betrayed.

why she keeps giving pretty guys a chance like this is beyond her. yuusha knows she won’t learn her lesson for the foreseeable future, however.

━━━━━━✦

in any case, the prefect finds herself resting on the scarabia vice housewarden’s bed when she could have suggested resting in one of the empty rooms instead. to not trouble him any further.

oh wait. jamil could have brought her to another empty room instead. there’s no way that didn’t cross his mind.

did he assume that would bring up memories?

if so, why would he even care?

the scarabia lounge would have been an alternate choice as well. but would it have been considered rude to put a guest there? even though yuusha wouldn’t have mind?

well. that’ll be a topic for another day.

━━━━━━✦

so the night was pretty uneventful. other than the awkwardness.

wait, actually— jamil wanted to bring up how the prefect had the habit of hugging things in her sleep.

namely him.

even when unconscious, the prefect can’t respect personal space.

but then that would bring up the obvious fact that jamil could have easily woken her up and quietly tell her off. and that he didn’t.

because for some strange reason, jamil felt an odd sense of comfort in her warm yet crushing embrace. and thus pretended not to have known instead.

━━━━━━✦

what was the nightmare, so to speak?

yuusha barely remembered all the details.

except for the feeling of the cold wind tearing through her skin, gravity violently pulling her down—

—and the final, haunting vision of a desperate hand reaching out to her, with an intensely horrified look flashing from charcoal grey eyes.

eyes that belong to none other than jamil viper.

[fulgrims-big-naturals]

Blood raven brings you food

its the thing i said i'd do but it took me very long because ive been having random heart palpitations and that makes me scared to take my adhd meds so i didnt start it out proper so here's this out of chronology snapshot instead

oh also @slippi-the-magos

--------------------------------------------------------

"hello little songbird, I'm back"

You hear Ulysses cooing from the other side of the locked door along with the clinking of keys.

"i got you something~” He is singsonging with excitement, he must think you’ll like this one.

He always gets you something. A silver bracelet, some soft dresses, a book in a language you don't understand (you haven't told him you can't read it), a disk that makes rainbows when it catches the light, every day there is a new trinket for you. And food too. Three whole meals a day, with the good corpse starch, the one with the added protein. The door opens, pushing aside some rumpled fabrics by it as Ulysses steps into the room. He turns to lock the door again before flashing you a smile.

You swallow your unease to greet him “welcome back my lord” you’re trying your best to sound sweet, but the trans human dread you feel still has weight in your throat and your shoulders. Ulysses eyes light up at your voice, and grows a smile at the title.

“Thank you, you’re so sweet” he replies “and round! You’re so round and soft” he walks over to your bed and pulls you onto his lap, bringing a bag up next to you. “Look, look, I got you oranges”

The bag is full of orange spheres. They smell sweet. You furrow your brow at his excitement. They are nice, yes, but are not very intriguing.

“Do you not like oranges?” Ulysses asks, shifting his weight under you impatiently.

“Oh- no, no, I do! Thank you my lord” you have no idea what these are.

“Oh sweet thing, they’re fruits, you eat them” Ulysses giggles and plants a kiss on the top of your head. “Didn’t you know?”

“No my lord” you answer sheepishly. You still don’t know what a fruit is, but it is probably best not to ask your lord too many questions. You’ve yet to see Ulysses in a bad mood and you don’t want today to be the day you do.

Ulysses takes an orange for himself and bites into it. Seeing him, you do the same. It prickles your mouth, you wrinkle your nose up at the taste. Such a sweet smelling thing tastes so bitter. And it’s wet in the inside, like a very strange egg.

“Oh, you don’t like them.” Ulysses says disappointedly.

Your stomach drops. What would one of his angels do if you turned down his gifts? Your lord spent some of his immortal life to dote on someone undeserving like you and you meet him with ungratefulness? You don’t want to think of what he will do. You won’t think of it. You will like oranges damnit.

“No! no I do, I do” you start chomping into the orange again, getting juice all over your nose and chin. The meat of the orange is sweeter. Without the bitter shell you do quite like it. You breathe a sigh of relief and drop your shoulders.

Ulysses observes your orange based panic, and then your orange based acceptance with fascination. “Are you sure?” He cocks his head with the question.

You turn red, embarrassed to have to explain “I, uh, I thought I didn’t like it at first because the peel was so bitter, but the meat inside is sweet, so I do like them. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, I’m sure there is a way to take the peel off”

“I thought you would be angry that I rejected your gift. which I am not doing, my lord, I do like it”

“Well if you didn’t like them, then there’s just be more for me. So it’s a win-win really.”

“Oh”

He’s not mad. He wasn’t mad when you didn’t know what the Rainbow Making Sun Reflector Disk was either. Maybe being stolen wasn’t so bad? Your old lord would never have brought you gifts. And he’d throw a fit if you talked wrong or looked wrong or other reasons you still hadn’t figured out. You’d better stay on guard though, this Blood Raven hasn’t used you for anything yet, but he must’ve taken you for a reason.

[dandylovesturtles]

More TMNT AU Comp propaganda! It's for 100 Feet and a World Away this time!

Today's special guest star is Raph from Empyrean Weeping by @cupcakeslushie ! Cupcake has been very kind to me since I joined the Rise fandom and her AU is just incredible! If you're somehow not already following it go check it out!

(I reference one of the later comics that may not line up with the timeline the boys are supposed to be at for the comp haha... but hopefully that's alright!)

This is the direct sequel to this ask that I answered yesterday (the 100ft part of it). Laxative pranks can actually be super dangerous and I am exploiting that for angst. ^^

cw: emeto (vomit); it's quick and not very graphic but it's there

-----

There's so many turtles crammed into this space and way too many of them look like his little brother. Trying to find Mikey is starting to feel like... what do the scientists say? A needle in hay? Something like that.

None of this is helping the panic that's spiking in Leo's chest. They've never been apart - not like this, not where Mikey is free to move and Leo has no way of knowing where he is or who he's with. Calling his name in this crowd doesn't help; the only thing he has going for him is his Mikey is the one not wearing an orange mask.

His Mikey is the one not- oh!

Leo's relief at finding him dies instantly when he sees the state his little brother is in.

Mikey's standing, but he has his arms curled tight around his stomach. He's swaying slightly on his feet, and when Leo gets closer he realizes that Mikey's lips are stained blue.

"Mikey!" he calls as he jogs up, putting his hands firmly on Mikey's shoulders. He's shaking, and Leo doesn't feel very stable himself. "Mikey, what's wrong? What happened?"

Mikey's glassy eyes finally find Leo's face, and the relief that washes over him is visible. Leo wishes he felt as good about the situation. "Leo... Mm." He swallows miserably. "Don't feel good."

"What hurts? Your stomach?"

"Mm-hm..."

"Are you going to throw up?"

"...Mm-hm."

Leo has no idea what to do about this. He and Mikey don't get sick very often, but when they do it's better to be sick in their enclosure so the scientists don't complain as much. But there's no enclosure here, and no scientists, just the big open space and crowds and crowds of people. He doesn't know what to do, or how to fix this, or what even caused this in the first place-

Mikey solves the immediate problem by turning his head and throwing up on the floor. There's various exclamations of disgust from the people around them, and they move away; at least it gives Leo and Mikey some space.

"Okay," says Leo, shifting to get out of the splash zone and rubbing at Mikey's shell. He knows how to comfort Mikey, even if his mind is still whirring over how to fix it. "That's alright, buddy. Get it out, okay?" Whatever it is.

"L-leo," Mikey whines, grabbing for him with one hand. "It h-hurts..."

"I know. I know, I'm sorry, I don't... the scientists aren't here to give you medicine, but..." But what? What is he going to do? Mikey's counting on him, but... "What happened? Did you eat something?"

"Mmm... some kind of dri-" Mikey cuts himself off with another heave, and Leo holds him through it. A drink? Someone gave him a drink that made him sick!?

Leo holds Mikey through the next wave of sickness, rubbing his shell and trying to school his thoughts into a plan of action. Normally at this point the scientists would examine Mikey for what caused the illness and then administer aid, but Leo doesn't know how to do that alone. Why didn't he pay more attention? Why hadn't he learned what to do?

"Leo!" he hears a familiar voice call. He looks up, wild-eyed and panicked, into the face of a very frazzled looking April.

"Oh, Mikey," she says when she draws level with them, reaching out to rub his arm. Leo feels a wave of bitterness when Mikey leans into it. "Poor thing... What happened?"

"He... he says he drank something, I don't know." Leo hates how little information he has. "I... I lost him in the crowd," he explains, leaving out how Mikey had run away from him.

"Drank something!?" April chews on her lip, then nods. "Okay, don't worry. I'm gonna handle this." She looks back at Leo. "I saw a med station before - I'll take him there. They've gotta have some anti-emetics."

Leo hadn't known about any of that, but April comes up with the answer so quickly. The inadequacy he feels is sharp.

"I can take him there," he says, even though he doesn't even know where he's going.

"No, I'll take him," April asserts, like she knows. "You guys all split off and now Raph's alone and he's getting agitated; I need you to go over there. Having one of you close will calm him down."

Leo feels a rush of panic, and he grips Mikey's arm. "You're taking him from me?"

"No, Leo, I am not," she says, firm. "I am not taking him from you. I'm taking him to the med station."

"Without me!"

"Because I need you to help Raph." She reaches her free hand for Leo, but he dodges. "I know you're scared right now," she says, and Leo scoffs, "but I can take care of Mikey, and you can take care of Raph. I need you to trust me."

Leo doesn't want to do this. Everything in him is screaming to not let Mikey out of his sight, not even for a second, not when he's sick, vulnerable, scared-

"Leo," comes a soft voice, and his eyes trail down to Mikey's face. Mikey is now fully leaning into April - Leo doesn't know when Mikey moved away. Leo doesn't know when he let go. "It's okay."

Leo doesn't want to do this. But Mikey's made his choice, and Leo doesn't know what to offer. April knows what to do and he doesn't. He's lost.

He looks at the human, and for once he bares his teeth. "If anything happens to him-"

"You'll kill me, I know," she says, and smiles as she does, fond. Like this is some kind of joke, and he suddenly feels a swell of aggression, like he wants to reach out and smack that smile right off her face-

It dies immediately, a rush of cold water down Leo's spine. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. He doesn't! Not even April, definitely not now. He just... He's...

I know you're scared right now.

April wraps her arm around Mikey's shoulders and says something to him that's too quiet for Leo to hear. Then she looks back.

"Raph's over there," she says, nodding. Leo can see him, standing up tall and sniffing the air; he's making distressed noises, looking around with his eyes that don't seem to see. Those around him are giving him concerned, wary looks, giving him a wide berth.

Leo takes a step in Raph's direction, then looks back at April, who gives him a relieved smile.

"Thank you, Leo," she says. "And if you see Donnie, tell him to stay put until I get back."

Then she leads Mikey away.

Leo watches until he can't see them anymore, then he goes to Raph.

-----

They're sitting against a wall now, Raph curled up on the ground and Leo sitting against his side. Raph has calmed down since Leo came to him, but he must be able to pick up on Leo's anxiety, because he doesn't sleep, just sniffs the air and thumps the floor rhythmically with his tail.

Leo doesn't do anything to soothe him, because that would require being soothed himself. And he can't calm down - his heart has been beating at double time since he found Mikey, and he doesn't think it's going to stop until Mikey is back and safe.

He pulls his legs closer to his chest, his foot tapping in time with Raph's thumping. Maybe he should be looking for Donnie, but he can't leave Raph, and he's not sure he wants to see Donnie and tell him what happened yet. About how completely useless he was in keeping their little brother safe. At least Raph doesn't fully understand...

His eyes burn, and he buries his face in his arms. He's not going to cry. He hasn't cried in years and he's not going to cry now.

He's not going to cry, he's not going to cry, he's not-

"Uh, hey."

He jerks his eyes up, glaring at the person who just spoke to him. Another Raph, this one wearing a red mask and wraps and walking and talking like a person. Like most of the Raphs here.

(Why can't his Raph be like those Raphs, he thinks, and then immediately feels even more guilty.)

The Raph raises a tentative hand, giving him a little wave. Leo sniffs, blinks away, the not-tears, and narrows his eyes.

"What do you want?"

"Woof, okay," says Raph, rubbing the back of his neck. "Probably should have expected that... Uh, I just, noticed you sitting here, and you seemed pretty upset, so-"

"I'm not upset," Leo snaps, and hopes his voice doesn't sound as hoarse to Raph as it does to him.

"Oh. Yeah. Guess you are," he says, and Leo huffs, forcing himself to straighten out so he looks as okay as he says he is. The Raph still isn't leaving. "So, my bros went to get snacks... Mind if I sit here while I wait for them to get back?"

Leo wants to tell him no, but that might give more evidence that he's not, in fact, okay, so instead Leo shrugs. What is it the scientists say?

"It's a free country."

Raph laughs. "Not sure we're even in a country anymore."

Leo shrugs again. He doesn't actually know what a country is, so it doesn't matter to him.

The Raph sits, right across from Leo with only a few feet between them. For a minute or two, it's silent, with only the sound of the other competitors in the arena, and Raph's incessant thumping. Even though Leo is trying to look chill and cool and unbothered, Raph is still picking up on his anxiety, which isn't helping the runaway beat of his heart.

"Sooo, where's the rest of your brothers?" asks Raph, ending the facade. And bringing them right back to the topic driving Leo crazy.

He goes for the easy answer. "No idea where Donnie is."

"Hah. Your Donnie has a tendency to run off, too, huh?"

"He can take care of himself," says Leo dismissively. He hopes that's where Raph drops it.

But of course he doesn't. Raph looks right at him as he asks, like he knows, "And your Mikey?"

Leo stiffens. Behind him, his Raph makes a distressed whining noise. His fear stink is sharp.

"...He got sick," Leo admits, and the words leave an acrid taste in his mouth. "The human took him to the med station."

Raph tilts his head at that, but he sounds sympathetic when he asks, "Is that what you're worried about?"

"I'm not-" Leo starts, too sharp, too worried, and what's the point of denying it now?

He sinks back, pulling his legs against his chest and burying his face away in his knees again, trying to breathe, trying to calm down. He doesn't want to fall apart here, in front of this guy who isn't his big brother, no matter how much he might wish...

There's shuffling, and then the sound of someone settling down closer. Raph makes a warning noise behind him, and the other Raph says, "Whoa, it's okay. I'm just checking on him."

The sound of sniffing, and then betrayal, as his Raph gives one chuff and settles back. Allowing the new Raph into their space.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks, and his voice is soft and easy.

And maybe it's because there's no point in denying, and maybe it's because Leo's heart is still so fast he can't sit still, and maybe it's because he just misses his big brother so much-

It all comes pouring out at once.

"I tried to warn him," Leo snaps, his head jerking up and his hands flying into wild gestures. "I told him, I told him, don't just eat whatever anyone gives you! And he acted like I was being mean, and he told me to leave him alone, and he ran away!"

"So you got in a fight," says Raph sympathetically. "And then he got sick?"

"I... I guess. He says he drank something, and I think that made him sick." Leo lightly scratches at his arms. His anger dies almost instantly when he thinks of how upset and pained Mikey looked, and he all he feels is the crushing guilt again. "It's not his fault. I'm supposed to look after him, and I... I didn't. I let something happen to him." He swallows, sinking in on himself again. "I wasn't there when I should have been."

Raph sighs, hunching in his own lap, and Leo peeks out at him from over his arm. He doesn't know exactly what he's waiting for - judgement, maybe, because that's all he deserves, and he doesn't mind if it comes from this stranger because it's not like anyone else will give it to him.

"You were looking for him, weren't you?" Raph gives him a crooked grin. "I saw you earlier, running around."

Leo nods, because that much is true, but he doesn't know why it matters.

"So you were doing what you could do," says Raph. "You were still looking out for him, even though he was throwing a tantrum."

"He wasn't throwing a tantrum," says Leo, rushing to defend Mikey, even though... he's still annoyed, maybe, a little, in the back of his mind. "He was just... he... it's not easy."

"It's not easy for you, either, is it?"

Leo shakes his head. "Doesn't matter. I'm the older brother, so it's my job to take care of him."

"Hm." Raph looks at him appraisingly. "Believe it or not, Raph knows a little something about the kind of guilt you're feeling."

"...If you say so," says Leo, because he doesn't know how anyone could.

"I do! Because... once, Raph lost his brothers, too. I... wasn't there for them when I should have been."

Leo feels surprise at that. This Raph isn't like his, not lost in the isolation of his own mind, but... he lost his brothers, too. Just like Leo did.

He uncurls, just a little, watching Raph cautiously. "Did they get hurt?"

"...Yeah. They got really hurt." Raph looks mournful, and Leo almost feels bad for asking. But before he can try to change the subject, Raph continues. "I can't help but feel like... I failed them. And like I didn't do enough to help them, when they needed it."

Leo rubs his palms over his arms. "Because you didn't know how?" he guesses.

"Yeah. I didn't."

"So... what do you do?" Leo uncurls the rest of the way, watching Raph closely. If there's some secret to this, he doesn't want to miss it. "When you feel guilty like that."

All Raph does is shrug, though. "Not much to do but to feel it." His lips twitch up, though, trying to look comforting, and despite himself Leo feels a little warm because of it. "But... someone else told me, leave the past to the ancestors, and worry about the future." Raph reaches out, and pats Leo lightly on the shoulder. "You couldn't stop Mikey from getting sick. But what can you do now?"

Leo thinks about that. What can he do now that Mikey is already sick?

"...There's... a silly song I sing when he's sad, or sick, or whatever," Leo suggests. "I didn't know the lyrics so I just made them up. It... always makes him laugh."

Raph grins big at that. "Okay. So you can sing that for him when you get back to him."

"Yeah. I guess I can."

"There you go." Raph gives him one more pat, then pulls his hand back.

"What if it's not enough, though?" Leo asks, because it doesn't feel like it would be.

Raph shakes his head. "If you're anything like my Leo, I know you're going to keep trying. You'll keep being there for Mikey, for all of them, no matter what happens. And that's enough. Even if it doesn't feel like it, it is."

Leo doesn't know how much he believes that, but... he notices his heart has finally calmed down to its normal rate.

Behind him, his Raph's tail has stopped thumping. With one contented chuff, he settles in to nap. Finally calmed down.

"...I hope so," he says, and Raph beams.

"By the way," he says, "when you said "human"... Did you mean April O'Neil?"

Leo can't help the face he makes. "Don't tell me she's a universal constant, too."

"Hah! Were you raised by Draxum, too?"

"...Who's Draxum?"

"Uh, he's... You know what? Forget Raph even asked..."

-----

April comes back half an hour later. Despite Raph saying he was only waiting for his brothers, he stays with Leo until then. They spend most of that time with Raph telling Leo all about Lou Jitsu, and Leo can't help but be a little excited to watch those movies when they get out.

Or, well. If they ever get out.

"Hey Leo, Raph," says April when she returns, "uh... other Raph."

"Hey!" Raph raises a hand. "You must be their April!"

"Yeah, I am! Nice to meet you."

Before they can get off on any small talk, Leo jumps to his feet, looking worriedly at April. "How's Mikey?" he asks, to get the conversation back on track.

"Oh, he's fine! We got him some medicine and now he just has to sleep it off."

Leo sighs in relief, settling back against his Raph again, who chuffs and snuffles in response. "Can we see him?"

"Yep. I was just coming to get you." She points her thumb back the way she came. "I'll take you and Raph, and then I'll try to figure out where Donnie wandered off to."

The other Raph gets to his feet. "If I see your Donnie, I can send him your way. What's he look like?"

"Uh, no fancy metal shell like the other softshell Donnies, no goggles, no mask," says April. "Acts like a feral gremlin."

"...Well, the lack of gear helps narrow it down," says Raph. "Raph'll tell him to find you if he sees him."

"Thanks, we appreciate it," says April, before turning her attention back to Leo. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah." Leo hurries to follow her, then hesitates and looks back. The other Raph is still standing there, watching them go, and he feels like he should at least say...

"Uh, thanks. And... good luck?"

"Oh, yeah." Raph grins. "Good luck to you guys, too!"

Leo gives him one last wave, then turns to follow April, his Raph on their heels.

"Soooo..." April smiles at him. "Looks like you made a friend, huh?"

Immediately, Leo feels his cheeks heat, and he turns away from her, arms crossed tight around his middle. "He was just bothering me, that's all."

"Uh huh," she says, like she doesn't believe him at all. She gives him a companionable nudge with her elbow that he hisses at, but all she does is laugh.

"Come on, grumpy shell. It's this way."

[blaithnne]

I think my one complaint about Anders is that I wish we’d seen him leave of his own accord at least once. Unfortunately I doubt that would be possible due to time constraints but, I think if we’d gotten to see how Hilda was affected by him actually leaving and not being fairynapped it would have better shown what kind of person he is, and been a really good representation of what a lot of real kids go through. That moment where Hilda finally realised her Father abandoned her is so heartbreaking, raw, and real, and the fact that it’s later revealed he didn’t kind of undermines that.

I’m not against Anders changing for the better - it’s a kids show, and it makes sense they’d want to give him a character arch instead of just introducing him to be a dick lol. It also makes sense for his character to have nearly losing his entire family forever be a wake up call for him. But I wish we’d gotten more time with him, and really seen the effects of him leaving for real. Without that, we can generally assume that it had the same effect as him being kidnapped did in canon, but it’s just not the same.

I’m of the opinion that introducing Hilda’s dad as a concept was a good decision, and I don’t think it undermines the shows found family. It gives Hilda a relatable and realistic aspect to her that I think is important for kids in similar situations to see. I am, however, very biased in that regard.

My biological father was an asshole who fucked off before I was born, but I’ve had no absence of family or fatherly role models - I’m very close with my adoptive dad and my grandad. But that didn’t mean I never had questions, or insecurities.

It’s easy to look at fictional tropes and say that found family is clearly superior and biology doesn’t mean shit, and that’s true! But when you’re living in that reality, when you’re young and coming to terms with it for the first time, it’s hard. Especially when you’re surrounded by people who all have blood relations with their families, and when the person you’re related to is regarded as a dick. it really makes you feel isolated and like there’s something wrong with you, like you’re an outsider — you’re different.

Real life people are messy and have insecurities that defy reason, you might logically know that biology doesn’t matter, but when you’re thirteen and insecure and full of inner turmoil, you can’t help but feel bad.

Personally, as I got older, I met people in similar situations and realised I wasn’t alone, that it was okay to have those feelings but it didn’t make them true. But at that age, having grown up in a rural community, I really was alone.

Hilda’s insecurities in season 3 are a great representation of that, she feels like she’s never had a proper family, this thing with Frida, David, Tontu, Alfur and Johanna and Astrid is all new to her. You can tell her Father’s absence has hurt her, how she’s felt different and alone and like something was missing. Hilda defines her worth through her relationships with others, how she can help them make them happy, it destroyed her when she felt like she failed Frida, imagine how she feels about her father.

What I think season 3 was missing was for Hilda to realise that she doesn’t need Anders, and that her happiness isn’t reliant on him being there, I wish she’d had a tad more agency in the relationship, yk? She wants him to be in her life, and he’s going to make an effort now to do that, but she has a support system in place and will be perfectly fine without him. I wish the show had properly acknowledged that just because this is how things ended up, it wasn’t the only option — with or without Anders, Hilda would still have been happy with her family in the end, the fact that he’s a part of it is a nice bonus, but not an essential one.

In general, I think Anders is the best they could do with the time they were given. Having him be a realistic shitty dad who loves his daughter but is just so bad at it is relatable and realistic, though I wish they’d better emphasised that just because he loves hers that doesn’t make his actions okay (perhaps by slightly altering Johanna’s moment with Hilda at the end of The Job), because it’s clear, I think, as a diehard fan, but might not be for more casual viewers.

Having him be redeemable and stick around to do better is a good conclusion for his arch, it’s a happy ending all around and makes sense for the story - it could’ve been weird if they just had him show up and then immediately leave with zero resolution to his character, unless they made him an all out irredeemable abuser, which I think would’ve been worse than what we got. Portraying abusers as unforgivable and cartoonish villains only makes it harder for real life victims to recognise their situations, so if it couldn’t be portrayed properly (which thanks to time constraints and the overall narrative I don’t believe it could be) I’m glad they went with something else.

What we’ve got is, and I know I’ve said this many times lol, a realistic depiction of a crappy, absentee father, that young viewers can recognise and relate to. On that end, the biggest issues are Hilda’s lack of agency within their storyline, since she has no control in the resolution of their relationship, young people looking to this show for ways to cope with their own situations might be discouraged by the end resolution of “he decided to stick around”, since that resolution rests on his decision, not Hilda’s, if that makes sense.

TLDR; Overall, I think Anders’ was a good character and the best that could’ve been done with what the team was given, but,

A) I wish we’d gotten to see him leave of his own accord at least once, so that Hilda’s final realisation that he left her on purpose has more impact and doesn’t loose its meaning in retrospect, and,

B) That Hilda had more agency in the final resolution of their dynamic, that their happily ever after wasn’t entirely reliant on Anders swearing he won’t leave. An alternative solution, maybe presented earlier on in the season when he first left, that provided her with a coping mechanism/outlet in case he does, so that her happiness and mental health isn’t in his hands, would’ve been pretty neat.

[ox-imagines]

In Loving Arms | Cirrus x Reader

Ok y'all. This man. I'm in no way normal about him. He got rid of my writer's block and possessed me to write this. He's from Obscura, a visual novel by @/rottenraccoons, and I may be insane but I love him. Starting to think my favorite color's red at this point... anyway uhh... Ik most of you are here for TDB stuff but!! Pls give him a chance he's so 🤌

No warnings, pretty much just fluff, AFAB reader + mild period mentions, established relationship (?). WC: 1569 words

“Cirrus?” Your voice softly sounded through his little study from your spot at the door.

He didn’t turn to face you, but a soft hum emanated from him. “Do you need something, little star?”

“Cirrus…” you repeated, almost feebly. This time, he turned. You could imagine just from the shape of his mouth what his expression looked like under his mask: eyebrows drawn and eyes just a tad wider than usual in surprise and concern. 

“What bothers you?” He collected himself again, his expression neutralizing somewhat, though you could still feel his eyes on you. You simply took a tired, tentative step forward, as if asking permission to come in. Cirrus took in the sight of you; your mask was off, which you didn’t make a habit of during the day, and your face was pale, pained tension evident on your face and in your stance. When you still said nothing, simply staring at him with achingly owlish eyes, he stood, a tender smile gracing his lips. He closed the distance between you, leaning down slightly and hooking a finger under your chin to tilt your face up. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s the matter, little star… I know you wouldn’t have bothered me while I’m working if it wasn’t important, right?” Though his smile had been genuine, something icy needled its way into his tone, a clear implication of punishment if you were disturbing him without cause.

Normally, that wouldn’t have bothered you; you’d grown accustomed to his threats and you usually stayed in line. But normally, you also wouldn’t deign to bother him while he was working to begin with. You couldn’t move, couldn’t pull away now when he was so close, close so that you could smell the incense that clung heavily to the thick cotton of his robes, close so that you could feel his finger under your chin, the fabric of his glove soft against your uncomfortably warm skin. You couldn’t move to tell him why you’d come to him, no; it seemed embarrassing now, and likely wasn’t a wish he’d care to indulge. You couldn’t move as pain seized your abdomen and lanced up your back.

Your eyes stung slightly, tears you hadn’t realized were building threatening to slip down your cheeks. “I’m… sorry,” you managed, barely a whisper. Cirrus wasn’t going to let go of you until you either explained or he got tired of waiting for you to do so.

At the sight of your impending tears, his mouth curled down. “Unless you’re referring to the fact you’re disrupting my work, you have nothing to apologize for that I know of. Either way, I can’t help you if you refuse to explain yourself. I can tell you’re in pain, little star, but see no visible reason for it. Is there something you want from me to help with your pain?”

“I’m…” you sighed, your cheeks flushing and your watery eyes finally breaking his gaze, despite him still holding your face up to his. “Yes… though not in the way you’re thinking.”

“Elaborate.”

“It’s just, a certain time of the month… and it’s usually not this bad. I, I don’t want any of your potions or concoctions to try and get rid of the pain, I just want,” your voice died in your throat and your eyes flicked back up to his. “...you. I know how busy you are, but it hurts so bad. I just want to be held.” Your eyes drifted away again.

Cirrus’s thumb brushed up along your cheek, catching a tear that had finally fallen. He couldn’t deny that something swelled in his chest at your words, something strong and cloyingly sweet, and almost prideful. Many a pitiful face had crossed before him asking for help, but it was always parasocial to a degree, and assumed him as a median between the beggar and the Lunar God. Yet here you were, disrupting his work with a much more personal request. He wasn’t sure when you’d become so important to be able to ask such a thing, let alone for him to consider agreeing. For a long time, the only things he’d given importance were the ones that aided and promoted his goals. And yet…

And yet he’d let you in, slowly but surely. And yet he’d gotten almost attached to you, to your presence and your fire and the sweetness of your voice. You could never come between him and his mission, you both knew that, and yet at some point he decided it wouldn’t hurt to share parts of himself with you as long as you stayed in line. ��Sweet little star,” his smile returned, uncharacteristically gentle. “Come, then.” The priest released your face and drew you into his side. “Though you’re in pain now, pain cleanses. It’s your body’s own penance for not bearing a child.” Though I’m sure neither of us would prefer that alternative as a solution, he refrained from adding. He spoke soothingly to you as he navigated through the church to your room, filling the silence as you remained quiet. “It’s necessary and natural for nearly every species’ females; though if you’re in an abnormal amount of pain, perhaps we should have someone confirm everything is operating normally.”

Thankfully, though the church was large its layout wasn’t especially complex, and the two of you had reached your room before long. Cirrus guided you over through the plain room to your bed. “You’re certain you need nothing but my company?”

You nodded slightly as you climbed onto the bed, half-sitting for a moment as you fixed your eyes on him nervously. It was unlike him to do something as ‘pointless’ as getting in bed in the middle of the day and you weren’t convinced he wouldn’t leave now that you were settled in. But instead of leaving, the towering man lowered himself carefully to the edge of your bed with a soft, resigned sigh. Carefully, he slipped his mask from his face. As far as you knew, you were the only one who got to see him without it, and that was already rare, usually only happening when the two of you slept in the same bed. Piercing golden eyes fixed on you in a look you would’ve considered loving from most people; Cirrus was a little harder to decipher. There was no doubt that he’d developed some sort of soft spot for you, but you also still weren’t sure if he was capable of truly loving something. Though, you’d started to think that, just maybe, he had a different view of love than most. That he truly viewed his ritualistic practices as some sort of spiritual cleanse (though there was no denying he got some level of personal enjoyment from them as well) and that he thought he was performing them out of some twisted place of love. It was a dangerous line of thought, you knew that, but the closer you felt you got to him, the more you doubted he was really all that bad.

“What’s got you thinking so hard, little star?” Cirrus slowly began to lay down, earning a sad look from you as he laid on the covers rather than under them. With a soft chuckle, he adjusted, sidling close.

“Just… you.” You snuggled into his side, thankful for his warmth as you curled into him. Hesitantly, he reciprocated. His large body wrapped around you, comfortable. Safe.

“Me? Well. I’m flattered.” Another quiet laugh escaped him, though this one sounded mildly more sarcastic.

“Cirrus?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

The heavy silence of the old building was your response. You’d expected about as much.

“You don’t have to say it back, but I just… you’ve become important to me in a way I never could’ve comprehended. I guess I don’t know if it’s love or just some sort of… affectionate dependance, but time will tell. What I do know is, despite everything, I trust you. If that makes me crazy, so be it. But for better or for worse, I’m here, and I’m going to stay at your side as long as you’ll let me. Even still, I don’t know you that well, but I’m willing to bet I know you better than anyone else under or above this godforsaken mountain, the real you. I can only know as much as you let me know, though, so… thank you for letting me in, Cirrus. I hope I can continue to get to know and love all of you.” Once you’d finished your little speech, you tilted your head back to look at him. The look on his face was one you’d possibly never seen. Raw, soft surprise was etched across his features. Ever-collected, he corrected the look quickly, but he was too keen to think you’d missed it.You tucked your head back into his chest with a gentle smile.

“Thank you, little star. I’ll do my best not to misplace your trust.” His smirk was practically audible in his voice. You really were something, weren’t you? It was always a tossup between the two of you who was two steps ahead, despite him rarely ever losing the upper hand. His arms encircled you, pulling you ever so slightly further into him, and you could’ve sworn you felt him kiss the top of your head. “Rest now. I’ll be here when you wake.”

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 22 thoughts

this episode was SO good. it was funny, it was heartfelt, and it was entertaining. but- and i'm sure you fans who have seen the show before know- something happened that is making me cry.

yes, actual tears! boy, there must be some real serious astrology stuff going on in the world, for actual tears are down my cheeks, something that almost never happens to me in movie and film watching experiences, and this episode did it to me. i usually just get a bit misty and that's the extent of it- even in one breath! but man. apparently i have a weakness.

sigh. we shall get into it, like we do.

reading the episode description: it's loch ness monster-like creature time!! i’ve been eyeballing this episode for a while, it sounds really interesting. a lake trip!! a trip to the lake!! 

we begin, and it is frog time!!! time for a frog!!! an endangered frog!!! dr. farraday is fighting for their rights. oh, he just used the term “frog holocaust” in his talk to this dr. bailey fellow, which is something. serious frog beef going down between these professors, for dr. bailey does not think that dr. farraday's research proves that humans are responsible for the fate of the frogs! how infuriating.

dr. bailey is going back to his car but lost “his beeper” so he’s looking by the lake for it. OH! his beeper meant a pager. i know what a pager is!!!! do not think i am uneducated!!! just never heard it called as such.

he finds the beeper but he is EATEN. by a BEAST!!! while a frog watches. 

if only this was the fate that all people who deny the need to protect the environment met! eaten by a lake beast! how much more just this planet would be...

intro time. and the first time i watched an episode and i heard the theme i started laughing hysterically because i didn’t realize that noise was the x files theme; i had just thought it was a well-known spooky noise used in vines and stuff and then. everything clicked into place. and it was soooo funny. anyway.

road trip to georgia!!!! WITH THE DOGGY!!! mulder calls it “a thing” SO RUDE????

“you wake me up on a saturday morning, tell me to be ready in five minutes, my mother is out of town, all of the dog-sitters are booked, and you know how i feel about kennels” <- help i’m CRYINGGGGG tell him how you feel!!!!

(love that they have already had a conversation on the morality of kennels before)

((but also truly what did he expect 😭😭 and he did all this on a SATURDAY!!!! she ought to have been way meaner!!!))

so he made her leave town with the puppy on a SATURDAY for a missing person’s case… omg do they even get paid overtime???

also mulder is lost which is soooo funny because WHY is he perpetually behind the wheel... he doesn’t have any sense of direction!!!

he makes a stupid pun about the killer being “large” and she straight up asks what he’s leaving out LMAOOO

(he points to a billboard advertising “big blue, the southern serpent) <- “oh, tell me you’re not serious” LMAOOOO

so they’re going to talk to dr. farraday and i think it’s so cute that scully is in some more casual-y clothes. anyway, they’re going over the serious frog beef between him and the victim. farraday does NOT miss dr. bailey’s loser ass... ijbol!!! why should he give a damn for one man when so many species are going extinct!

farraday said “has anyone ever told you two you have a great problem coming to the point?” after mulder asks if any native species attacked humans... lmao he is rude as hell!!!

AND ASKING ABOUT BIG BLUE MADE THINGS WORSE!!! now farraday is going on about how if anything requires real thinking people turn to UFOs and whatnot which is like.... um okay rest assured that if someone is gonna think it’s gonna be mulder. he's gonna think about any and all explanations on a sliding scale of plausibility.

LMAO mulder is being sassy right back while scully screams with her eyes. farraday gets even more pissed and leaves… honestly i’m sorry about the frog population king, but you’re not really winning any friends with influence to help you lobby on behalf of the frogs. or winning any friends at all. 

so mulder and scully and the doggy go to a bait and tackle shop, and the sight of them sharing an umbrella with a dog on a leash healed something in me, something i didn’t know was in need of healing but it was. and they’re reciting the different creatures that live in lakes- apparently scully read about cryptids as a kid!!!! 

she says they’re folk tales and he says “well, how many folktales do you know that can eat a boy scout leader and a biologist?” and she looks soooo annoyed. but then they go in, and he is a proper gentleman and shakes off the umbrella 

at the shop they see a “scale from big blue” and scully says it looks like “a carapace, something from a beetle” which again reminds us that she WAS studying bugs in bio, thank you very much!!

they’re chatting with the dude that sold mulder a map, and he’s talking about his own experience with the creature while wearing a hat that says “show us your bobbers” which is crazy, but we keep going. he claims he heard a cow get eaten by big blue as a kid. and in walks an alleged expert, ansel… whose daddy’s cow was eaten way back then!

ansel is buying more film to someday achieve his dream of catching a picture of the beast and scully looks deeply pained in the background lmaoooo i love her 

someone is putting a worm on a hook in order to fish on the lake. a big one bites!!! a real big one. OH! it’s actually a human body. the fisherman goes and gets the dude from the tackle shop and by proxy our agents.

OH! there is only half a body. they’re bickering on what could have eaten half of a human body while hiding together under an umbrella, and it’s really cute but where is the dog?

the tackle shop man is out in the swampy part near the lake wearing dino-shaped boots to try and make some convincing tracks LMAO. king of the hustle. but something approached him as he gets stuck in the mud!!!! and he is dragged into the dark lake with only a dino boot left behind!

apparently his name was ted. rip ted and your bobber hat and funny boots.

mulder seems to believe that the tracks are legit and tells scully and the dog to watch where they’re walking as to not disturb them (and the dog is named queequeg i’m gonna CRY!!!) 

the sheriff is OFFENDED by mulder’s suggestion to close the lake, because clearly this is just a bunch of drunk people falling overboard!! and then getting run over!! well if that happens as frequently as you seem to think it does, we need to do something regardless of if any beasts are involved.

scully is not buying that the tracks are from a real creature because they did not leave very deep impressions. but the dog yanks her away!!! he’s off investigating the dino boot! the prints may be a hoax, but the blood on the shoe is very real!

cut to some stoners on the lake talking about hallucinogenic toads. he holds a local frog and licks it. but someone interrupts his toad licking session coming back to the surface from a scuba dive?

oh no!! scuba dude is pulled by some sort of creature!!! and his head is removed from his body. well that is not good.

time to locate the head. both of our agents are in fun little jackets, and still bickering over what went down.

ansel the big blue photographer is serenading his camera, preparing for the perfect shot, which he has set up by filling an inner tube with meat. something bubbles beneath it. BUT NO!! it skips the meat on the tube and goes right for him!!!!! he snaps a picture as it gets him!! three attacks in one day!!!!

mulder asks the sheriff again to CLOSE DOWN THE LAKE and he again refuses. scully says it’s inconclusive still, which is echoing the dr. bailey saying about the fate of the frogs being inconclusive!

the sheriff falls in, and out there he brushes into something big. he immediately proclaims that the lake shall be closed down, calls state police, AND wildlife fish and game. well okay that gets results i guess.

they’re examining the photos from ansel, and mulder things that this blurry thing COULD be a tooth. it is very funny.

AWWW the dog needs to go for a walk, and mulder offers to go with her :,) she lifts up her jacket to show her gun, says she’ll be fine, and smiles. STOP I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????

why is this episode making me emotional with their little lake visit. also something bad is definitely going to happen now. she says goodnight :,)

aww the dog is MAD and she’s talking to him in that kind of voice you reserve for a little creature... but he wants to go into the woods!!

no!!! he runs too fast!!! NO!!!!! WHERE DID HE GO???? HE ISN’T ON THE LEASH????

NO. I CAN’T BEAR TO WATCH SCULLY LOSE HER DOG…. 

oh my gosh, she is sitting in the chair, holding his collar in grief…. she is literally spaced out into another dimension mourning her little friend and mulder is rambling about the lake…. i want to slap him… NOOOO. she asks him to repeat himself because she was so out of it…

(if this doesn’t end with a dog reunion i will drop this dumbass show. BET.)

mulder asks if she can drive a boat. psh can she drive a boat? it’s natural to her bloodline.

she is piloting the boat and he’s telling her where to go, and she’s braver than me because if i lost my dog at this moment i think i would need two weeks to begin to even SORT of get a grasp on reality. 

“i know the difference between expectation and hope. seek and ye shall find, scully” <- this is a genuinely fantastic line said by mulder, but i’m still in dog mourning so we can go analyze that later 

map facts with scully :)

until the monster comes STRAIGHT AT THEM!! i like how she kept asking “what is that, mulder?” because it reminded me of when she kept asking mulder to get the bugs off of her in darkness falls… like the blind hope/faith/desperation that he would hold the answers and have a solution… ohhhgghh

big crash into the boat!!! it is leaking and she picks up the radio and calls a distress signal (another natural feature to a scully) but the boat is FILLING with water!!

mulder gets some life jackets for them and they barely get them on in time as the boat sinks. whew! a conveniently placed rock for them to perch upon is nearby!!!

but there goes the $500 deposit :( 

mulder says to swim and she is GAGGED “in which direction?!” lmaoooo

mulder is unsettled by how dark it is, because you forget these things in a city… and scully says you forget a lot of things in a city; her father taught her to respect nature, because it has no respect for you. or your dog, i guess :(

they both pull out their guns as they hear splashing!!!! mulder whispers that it was big blue, but scully asks “so what if it was?” <- NOOO you took her dog and her deposit, you’ve broken her spirit!!!

mulder says he wants to know because it could revolutionize science, and so many of the things they chase are intangible, but it’s a creature within the confines of a lake, it should be right HERE- and she isn't buying it for a second

she says she saw HIS FUTURE in ansel’s photographs, a man listening only to himself and seeing nonsense; she can’t figure out his motives, and things are approaching angst levels on this rock in the middle of nowhere, but SOMETHING APPROACHES!!!!

it’s a duck. okay so it could be worse!!! he says he’s still tempted to fire and she slams into him LMAOOO 

sleepover on the rock. “hey scully, do you think you could ever cannibalize someone?” <- LDHDMDNSMDNSBBDNSND I’M GENUINELY YELLING LMAOOOOOOO HOLD ON. hold on i need a minute to handle all that. (she gives a thoughtful and scientific response) <- that’s Them. that is their dynamic right there.

“you’ve lost some weight recently, haven’t you?” “yeah i have, thanks for-“ (glare of realization) LMAOOOOOOOO WHAT EVEN IS THIS EPISODE

“poor queequeg” she says, and i’m gonna CRY. but mulder has a better response now to her grief instead of just babbling on about the lake, asks why she chose that name. she shares that was the name of the harpoonist in moby dick, which her father used to read to her from.

and as she says this, she realizes how much mulder is like ahab, “so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be it’s inherent cruelties or it’s mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology” <- the words of a girl who was REALLY into a book as a kid and is also experiencing near-death levels of hypothermia and grief

LMAOOOOO HIS RESPONSE IS “scully, are you coming onto me?” yes. now kiss on the rock.

and she keeps going, talking about how his search for the Truth will take down everything he loves, just as it did for Ahab.

OH! he starts talking about how he always wished for a peg leg, even as a kid, and it first it seems like another of his many jokes but he says it’s because maybe then it’s enough to Persist despite the difficulty; without, “you’re actually expected to make something of your life- achieve something, earn a raise, wear a necktie” so perhaps he is the ANTITHESIS of ahab, for with a peg leg he may be more pleased! 

woah. that got deep. i’ll be gnawing on that one for a bit.

THEY BOTH QUOTE A LINE FROM THE BOOK AT THE SAME TIME... STOP I’M GONNA SOB?????

but a splashing approaches… and they draw their guns…. CUT TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!!

it’s dr. farraday??? he says he hopes he’s not INTERRUPTING anything!!! wait so was the shore right there the whole time LMAOOO (silent walk of shame to the shore) BAHAHA

so what is this dude doing out here?? obviously it’s frog science! he’s been breeding the frogs to get their numbers back up. 

mulder is thinking…. if there are fewer frogs for a dinosaur to eat… it would have no choice but to turn to different food sources! (cutscene to serious arguing between mulder and dr. farraday whilst scully watches)

sheriff rolls up!!! another person had their arm bit off, and so he has thirty boats searching that area. but mulder says we have to search THIS cove, where the frogs have been going missing!! he blatantly refuses.

what if it was her little dog that bit the dude’s arm off…

scully politely asks for him to send a few men over and immediately gets results LMAOOO he quietly mumbles “thanks”

but a distant scream is heard!!! it’s dr. farraday!!! they run and find him!! something grabbed his leg and was shaking it. his leg is messed up really bad so scully is tying a tourniquet, and mulder’s running off after the mystery creature…. no self preservation instincts….

so he’s off with a gun and a flashlight chasing the human eating beast…. only to find some frogs. but something is approaching him?? quickly!!! and he’s firing his gun!!!

into a GATOR??? not a fancy lake beast!!

he’s staring out into the water… claiming to be fine. but he said he wanted the monster to be real, that he saw hope in such a possibility. she says there is still hope, that people want to believe, which is why the stories have endured for so long. 

GASP! the minute they leave, we see a big sea beast…

i’m literally so torn because i was CONVINCED the dog was going to come back 😭😭😭 and this episode was so good but WHY did they have to throw that in there… like i can’t even make an objective analysis of how this went because i’m so sad. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!?!

“oh juni there have been lots of human people that die in this series” which i mourned for too! but. i have felt the pain of losing a beloved and innocent creature and i do not wish for it to return and being reminded of its inevitably is not something i wish upon anyone MUCH less dana scully, who has already suffered in mythological levels.

really though, the episode was good. it was genuinely fantastic. it just clearly hit a bit of a nerve with me so i'm not going to do a thoughtful wrap up in the manner i like to think i usually do. but here are the things i liked, beyond the whole aesthetic and mood: bickering, umbrella sharing, scully at the helm, joint quoting of moby dick, deep introspection in the form of projecting onto book characters, cannibalism debates, outlandish creature as a monster of the week, rock sleepover, and fighting over frogs

[fizzycarbon]

Junji Ito brain rot where Tomie, Pretty Boy, Chizumi, and Souichi all play Minecraft together. They have a server and built their houses, villages, etc.

Souichi being a try hard, staying up until 4 a.m, trying to learn red stone but ends up forgetting everything when he wakes up.

Chizumi who loves to collect loot from mobs. She definitely has a farming area.

Tomie is the best builder out of all of them. She built herself a castle and everything has little details everywhere.

Pretty Boy organizes their minigames. Those lucky/unlucky block game, obbys, bedwars, etc.

What if they had like a channel or something?

Scratch that. Tomie, a popular twitch streamer, randomly does a live that isn’t scheduled (which is out of the norm on her channel) and tons of people pop in and see Souichi being chased by creepers, Chizumi trying to the kill said mobs, and PB, in the distance, pointing an arrow at Tomie herself.

I need to draw a comic of this. BAD. Popularmmos is my childhood and that channel gave me huge inspo. Most likely will try an animatic with some clips from that channel.

Bonus:

Kouichi, Sayuri, and Souichi made a YouTube channel when they were like really young. They uploaded them going into the forest, pranking their parents, and Souichi chasing them with the Michael Myers theme song in the background, armed with kiddy scissors.

They eventually forget about the channel. They had all forgotten the password along with the email attached to it so now it’s just in the past.

Until years later and one night where Souichi is bored with a ruined sleep schedule, stays up at 3 a.m randomly, and tries to guess the emails and passwords to their childhood YouTube channel.

He gets it right after trial and error, and nearly jolts up. He texts Sayuri:

“U awake?”

And she responds:

“Yeah whats up”

He sends her a picture of the unlocked channel and can hear her loud ass gasp from his room.

They spam Kouichi’s notifications until he wakes up. Being mostly asleep, he can barely read, but after rubbing his eyes a few times he reads the words on the screenshot Souichi sent.

“No way”

It’s 11 a.m and their parents can’t understand why their kids are randomly getting along so well and recording themselves baking a cake with nothing to celebrate.

The little channel those three made blew up a bit over the years that went inactive. Some comments under their early videos were:

“Where are they now??”

“They were my childhood”

Turns out when the three of them were given unlimited wifi access, other kids had the same thing.

Anyway this is just an AU that I shall beta name: “if Souichi had a somewhat normal life”

Why? Because he deserves to experience the little things either friends and family. No matter how annoying that stinker is.

[sophaeros]

the strokes for hmv, oct-nov 2003 / issue 134

The Strokes' second album is filled with even more firm conviction and determination than their debut, which attracted attention and became a hot topic all over the world. I want you to listen to this sound and this melody as soon as possible. You will feel their conviction.

Unwavering. The Strokes' latest and second album, "Room on Fire," is firmly imprinted with the unwavering way that The Strokes are. In other words, it is a work that clearly shows that The Strokes' perspective on what expression is has not wavered since their debut. The strength of their conviction is striking, and my trust in this band is only increasing. In addition, the song development has become more innovative, yet they have not lost the naturalness that makes them easy to listen to as "good songs." No matter how many times I listen to it, I never get bored and it gets me excited. Every sound is surprising, and I grow to love the fact that these sounds, these melodies, and the lyrics were created. It's so lovely that I can't even find anything to compare it to.

After listening to this new work, I want you to listen to the debut album again. What should become clear is that their debut album had neither the hype nor the nostalgic perspective that has often been used to criticize them. Tell that to those who call them revivalists. The seriousness of these five members, who continue to experiment with how to express the spontaneous worldview of a song in a performance without excess or deficiency, is what led to the overwhelming melodies, sound textures, and overall image of that debut album. And on this second album, that aspect has been further refined. "I think that no matter what kind of band you are, you should never lose your objectivity towards yourself. You always have to keep in mind what is wrong and what is right. When you tour, you see all those different things. And when you tour, you often rediscover songs in that sense. The more you practice, the closer you communicate with the band, and the more you understand how to communicate. We capture those different aspects on tape when we record. All the different moments we've experienced up until now were all used in the recording." (Fab Moretti: Ds) 

Saying this, Fab shows a friendly smile. After touring, every day passes, and what you gained and the gaps you didn't gain are all reflected in the sound. In recent years, rock has forgotten that "expression" is a reflection of the way you live. However, they have a strong will to change themselves, which bands who are eager to pursue intentional "change" have overlooked. They rely on what comes from within themselves and spin their sounds. The result is this wonderful latest work. The Strokes' appearance was not a revival of rock. Rather, I think they were instrumental in spreading the self-sacrificing seriousness of "rock expression" to people of all ages and genders. "Our goal is always to make the song sound as comfortable as possible when it reaches our ears. We have never compromised on that point since our debut. Even painters don't think about how they want to be received when they use certain colors or paint certain pictures, they just paint as they like. It's the same thing." (Fab)

It is clearer than ever that this band is not "Julian and friends," but that the five members' personalities and keen sensibilities for sound interact to create a thrilling sound. Listen to the guitars of Albert and Nick, the bass of Nikolai, and the drums of Fab separately. It is a masterpiece that is both lovable and dignified, so much so that you want to scoop up every little bit of what each person is trying to do and embrace them.

Text by Nami Imozawa

[venerated3zun]

Hey $50 official untamed artbook, are you sure those are Lan Sizhui's other names? Are you really sure?