#Prepare for the most tiring jokes ever when her banner drops

[ironunderstands]

Explaining why I think the notion that “Jade did nothing wrong and if you hate her then you are a misogynist” is incorrect 

Disclaimer: I don’t actually hate Jade, I find her compelling because she seems like the first true villain we might get in the game, and her kit looks really fun, so for that I can respect her. However, to say that she did nothing wrong, or that the people who dislike her are somehow in the wrong or are misogynists is very stupid, which is why I would like to clear up this misconception.

Let’s start with the “she did nothing wrong part” because that’s straight up not true. 

‼️This post will contain leaks of Jade’s eidolons and lc, it will also contain mentions of slavery and sexual violence so be careful‼️ 

I think the scene Jade fans go to point to when trying to argue that she does nothing wrong is the one that depicts her conversation with Aventurine. They state that she “saved him” and that the notions of her being a slave owner/having ties to slavery is incorrect.

However, at the very least the first part of this assumption is wrong, as in no way shape or form did she “save” Aventurine. 

1.Aventurine saved himself. 

He is the one who set up the scheme to get the IPC’s attention, he is the one who killed his master, and he is the one who fought for his freedom. Attributing his hard work to Jade’s “benevolence” erases that, and it pretends as if she’s the one who did all the work, when in reality Aventurine wouldn’t have even had a chance if he didn’t bet on himself.

2.What she offers Aventurine isn’t much better than what his life was before. 

In a sense, Jade just gave Aventurine golden chains, and if she was really interested in saving him, there wouldn’t be a trial, and she would just let him go. “But the scam” the IPC has an uncountable amount of money, they literally control the currency in the galaxy, and are working on taking over the whole universe, a scam ran by one person on one planet will not damage them for long. What Aventurine did really only matters because the IPC made it matter, and even if Jade doesn’t have complete control over all the goings on on the IPC, if she could make it so Aventurine could join them, there’s really no reason she couldn’t just let him free without any strings attached (which is what a normal person would do in this situation, because, well, empathy).

She knows how bad his situation was, as she remarked on how he killed his master, and the average person would struggle to find fault in his behavior at all, let alone have there even be a debate of whether she should let him live or not. 

Like, imagine yourself as Jade for a second, and you are sent to judge this kid (we don’t actually know how old Aven was in that scene, but I’d wager he was a late teenager/young adult) who just escaped slavery but also scammed the organization you are a part of, the organization that is what caused him to be enslaved in the first place (I’ll get into it*). At the very least, if you are like me, you would have a very hard time getting mad at this kid because well who wouldn’t do what he did in his circumstances. That’s why Jade still focusing on her self interests disgusts me and likely disgusts a lot of people who saw this scene, it’s not some equal transaction of sorts, she quite literally has his life on her hands and is toying with it to suit her own ends. 

Now, this situation is complicated, as Aventurine does actually want to join the IPC, but only because he believed that would be the best way he could try and save any remains of his people, the Avgin. We know this for two reasons a) the IPC took everything from him, and he has absolutely no reason why he would want to work for them if they can’t offer him anything b) the first thing Aventurine asks Jade when he becomes a Stoneheart is what happened to the rest of the Avgin, meaning that was likely his goal from the start, as even before becoming enslaved Aventurine had a ton of expectations of being the one to save the Avgin. 

However, from Jade’s perspective, likely

she doesn’t know any of this (unless she can read minds who knows), all she does know is that she holds a position of power over a very brave and intelligent person who owes a debt to the IPC for their crimes against it, and will die if she doesn’t save them. Therefore, she takes advantage of Aventurine’s inferior position, offering him a job not out of the kindness of her heart, but because she see’s his moneymaking potential and knows he can’t decline her offer, since his options are IPC or death. 

This is textbook exploitation, and it honestly disgusts me when people try and paint their relationship to be a mother/son one, when she so clearly views him as nothing more than a tool to achieve her own ends. As someone else puts it, Jade cares for Aventurine like one might care for a gun/weapon, ie she finds it useful and would like it to not get destroyed, but ultimately it’s just a tool that can be replaced. 

Aventurine’s banner name is called “Gilded Imprisonment” for a reason, and Jade offers him nothing more than shiny new chains. 

*sidenote: the IPC aren’t just the ones who broke their promise to help the Avgin, they are also likely the ones who enslaved Aventurine. This is because as Kakavasha, he referred to them as “the men in black/the men in black suits”, aka the IPC. Which is why when first enslaver says he bought him from “the men in black”, he’s also likely referring to the IPC, considering that the exact same phrase in used, in fact, he’s probably mocking the way Aventurine referred to them due to how specific it is. So yeah, I don’t know why people pretend Aventurine is over what the IPC did to him, or even like they saved him, bro probably wants to kill all of them and I fully support him in this endeavor.*

Speaking of treating him like a tool 

3. Dehumanizing Aventurine 

Her first words to him in this scene are pointing out his biggest insecurity.

“What pretty eyes. Tell me, do they shine in the dark?”

Out of context this might not be bad, but oh my god is it horrific in context. The Avgin’s eyes aren’t just a defining feature of theirs, but something they have been sexualized and abused for. Sparkle in her conversation with Aventurine implies that Sigonian’s use their attractive features (including their distinctive eyes) to get people to let down there guard and trick people, and in the same breath she also implies he did that to convince Sunday as well. Aventurine also hides his eyes with his tinted glasses because people automatically judge/discriminate against him for it, so Jade continuing that pattern is gross in my opinion.

Let’s also not forget that Aventurine is Romani coded, and a large proportion of both enslaved Roma in the past and free Roma have experienced sexual violence, as well as being treated as exotic and having other fetishized stereotypes attached to them. Calling his eyes pretty isn’t just some compliment, it’s also an extension of that, especially considering that it’s heavily implied that Aventurine did experience sexual violence when he was enslaved. 

This is what makes Jade IMMEDIATELY going to talking about his eyes creepy as hell to me, and something I dislike her for. 

However, I don’t think she meant it in a sexual manner, rather I think she was trying to get a reaction out of him, as well as demonstrate her position of power over him, which is just, ugh. Like I’m sorry to say this, but if Aventurine was a woman and Jade was a man, Jade would never be beating the p3do allegations for this comment. What do you mean the first words you say to someone involve taunting them for a feature they get sexualized and mistreated over, someone that is likely a minor or a very young adult,  someone that you hold a very clear position of power over. At the very nicest this is insensitive as hell for her to do, but considering she did not at all apologize to his very obviously negative reaction makes me think it was deliberate targeting. 

Also, the next part of that opening.

Yes, Jade is somewhat impressed by Aventurine, but objectively, this phrase doesn’t really come off that way, especially considering her tone in the scene. Seriously, rewatch it, it’s less of her being impressed, and more of her being surprised at him breaking the status quo, one which she doesn’t seem to view negatively. Also, keep in mind that in the CN (aka canon) version, the word is “slave” instead of servant, however I don’t know how the lines are delivered in CN, so she might sound kinder.

Regardless, having this neutral, almost detached perspective on slavery is very uncomfortable, at least to me. Because well, slavery is really bad (shocker), and you can’t really be neutral about these kinds of things. Commenting about how resisting his master would put Aventurine in danger in a clinical and detached manner gives the impression that Jade does not care about the existence of slavery in the slightest, and is perfectly happy with knowing it’s going on and doing nothing about it. Something which gets 10x worse considering the organization she works for is the one doing the slavery, which makes me wonder if she’s seen it before and been like “eh, it’s part of life” 😭

I’m aware dismantling an entire institution is difficult, but her sheer apathy rather than inaction is what I feel is wrong in this scene, as again, a normal person wouldn’t talk about slavery like this. They would probably phrase it like, “resisting your enslaver would put your life in danger, yet you did it anyways”, with none of that neutral tone in there, which kind to implies that Aventurine resisting the person who abuses him is in any way wrong or unusual for a person to do. Honestly I can understand a little bit why people don’t have problems with this line, as understand why people see it as just her doing her job as a judge. However, there’s something so disturbingly off with it that makes me really not like Jade for it, and hopefully I conveyed that well enough, if you have a better way of phrasing it please tell me.

Annnd this is why I say she doesn’t view him as a person. Jade literally tells Aventurine that his name, the remainder of his identity, the one part of his culture and his family and his life, quite literally the only thing he has left is destined to be buried and abandoned. She knows how much it means to him, and she wants him to cast it aside and pick a new identity, as the only thing Jade cares about is what value Aventurine can bring for the IPC. 

Also, she does refer to him as “child” there, so yeah, he likely is a minor or at the very least they have a very significant age gap! Yay! Taking advantage of people significantly younger than you! And if he is somehow close to her age, then well, she views him like a child in comparison to her, which is dehumanizing. There’s really no winning with this one huh 😭

She also refers to him in the same way his old enslaver did! 

Hound and dog are synonyms, so yeah, ew. Narratively, this is meant to be a parallel from Aventurine’s time enslaved to his time now, which demonstrates how nothing really changed, as Jade refers to him in the same way his old master/enslaver did.

4. However, that’s not all to be concerned about for Jade, at least in terms of morality, so let’s look at her eidolons.

Each one of her eidolons questions a good quality, let’s take E3 for an example.

“Honesty?” She questions why people, more specifically she would be sincere, and answers it with “Soon Mortgaged”. 

Now in this context, her honesty is likely seen as being convienent in order to get a deal off, if meant as a noun. As a verb it’s used in a similar manner, with Jade only behaving honestly because it’s part of her duty as a debt collector/contract maker.

Either way, this pattern for her eidolons, of her questioning a good quality then providing a selfish reason for why she exhibits it sets up a vicious implication. It makes it seem like any an all seemingly kind, benevolent behavior from Jade is really just a means to further her goals, making her seem untrustworthy and selfish, like well, a snake, which is a motif prevalent throughout her design. 

Her lightcone description also doesn’t make her seem much better.

Oh how lovely, giving a future to innocent children, I sure do hope this description doesn’t end badly!

“A philanthropist with a hidden agenda, a villain who mortgages souls… She was given various identities by the world, but only she understood the morality behind these actions.”

Jade what are you planning… 

This tells us two things:

1) She engages in philanthropist behavior for reasons we don’t know of yet which is concerning because philanthropy is centered around helping people, why do you have ulterior motives for helping people. What are you planning with those children, Jade?

2)”A villain who mortgages souls” oh! Sure, these two identities were apparently given to her by the world, but like, mortgaging souls??? I’ll get into her biblical (specifically satanic) references next, but like, you need one hell of a good reason to justify buying and selling PEOPLES SOULS. Whatever hidden agenda Jade might have must be like unfathomably good to justify this, because well, this means she owns (or at least helps other people own) people. PEOPLE. 

Jade fucking OWNS HUMAN BEINGS. Unless those people are like a dictator reincarnated or something there’s no good reason to justify owning the essence of someone’s being. It’s straight up evil and I’m glad the game calls her a villain for it. 

5. Satan is that you???

The snake, her contract thing as her skill and in her splash art, her job being “Jade of Credit”, her relationship to withered fruit, and the apple in her splash art, the man at her feet in her splash art, her MORTGAGING SOULS. Look, I’m not a Christian, but like, these are all pretty blatant references to satan who’s, idk, the embodiment of evil. Sure, you could say she’s more like Eve, but she’s not being tricked by the snake, no, in fact, the snake works for her.

Now I don’t literally think Jade is meant to be the devil or something, but she sure as hell seems like she’s meant to be narratively like an agent of Satan/ a demon, which is fascinating. Interestingly, this also paints her interaction with Aventurine as a deal with the devil, which just makes it seem even worse than it already is. 

Well, for now that’s all of Jade’s questionable behavior, and I feel confident enough in saying that at the very least she’s meant to be read as morally grey, so acting like she does no wrong is strange. However, it’s not a crime to like villains at all, and I feel like if Jade’s hardcore defenders just accepted that part of her character, everyone would be way happier, because people do have legitimate reasons to dislike her for the shit she has done, especially rroma people for how she treated Aventurine. 

Not everyone has to like your favorite character, and downplaying and lying about her lore and character because you can’t handle that is annoying as hell and does the character you are defending in the first place a disservice. Jade being a bad person is what makes her interesting, and honestly the idea that women can’t be bad people is misogynistic as well, which is a nice way to transition to the other part of this post:

For the love of god people don’t dislike Jade because of misogyny. Please shut up and stop throwing words around that you clearly don’t understand, as you only end up diminishing actual misogyny. 

I’ve already gone over the valid reasons why people dislike her, so let’s go over all the other stupid shit people bring up in trying to pretend like Jade hate is misogyny.

“But Boothill didn’t get complaints when he was randomly drip marketed, people complaining are only misogynistic Sunday fans!”

Jesus Christ.

Boothill has been leaked for several fucking months prior to his drip marketing, and people had been waiting diligently for when he would finally show up for a while, so obviously they were happy when he did.

He’s like, the most fanservice-y character (in a good way) ever. Boothill is a fucking long-haired cyborg space cowboy outlaw who physically cannot curse and has the cuntiest animations known to mankind, that’s like the most appealing combination of traits known to man. So appealing in fact, that people outside the fandom were making posts about him. Big shocker that the character designed to make everyone love him has everyone love him, act surprised 

Jade’s only scene so far had been her one with Aventurine in 2.1, which as I mentioned prior, has problems. This also doesn’t help that she’s just as slimy in his character stories and their interaction in 2.2, which compared to again, the character designed to be as appealing as possible, isn’t a good look. 

For the love of god Sunday fans have the right to complain. They have also been waiting MONTHS for him, so they would have been disappointed at any character that isn’t Sunday getting marketed, as that means they have to wait even more months for him. He’s highly anticipated, in comparison to Jade, whose had crumbs so far, so of course some people got upset (I didn’t see anything more than disappointment tbh)

People did complain about Boothill’s marketing! Like I know everyone clowned on them, but there were Firefly stans genuinely upset that he got marketed over her, and someone even started a “boycott Boothill’s banner” campaign 😭. It’s just the other reasons compounded why more people complained about Jade than they did about him.

I’m sure there’s some people out there who hate her because they hate women, but like, everyone? Really?

Genuinely, it is so tiring to see misogyny get thrown around like it doesn’t mean anything, and people complaining about misogyny where it doesn’t exist, and ignoring it where it does. Like I’m sorry SOME Jade stans, but yall cannot call this misogyny, then proceed to compare Jade to other female characters like Firefly, and call them flops and trash in comparison to her. THATS unnecessary hating on women for no reason, so don’t be a fucking hypocrite.

Also if a goddamn fictional character is the hill you die on for women’s rights issues, when there’s actual women being genocided right now, please reevaluate your priorities and support the women who actually need your help and assistance right now. Dogging on random Sunday fan #365 for being “misogynistic” because they said they wished he was marketed instead of Jade when there are women being murdered as we speak is dumb as hell. Like yes, these two problems can coexist, but for the love of god pixels are not as important as actual people, and if you really cared about women this would not be the one issue of misogyny you seem to talk about. 

Well, this post was kinda a mess, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter, and personally I’m very interested to see where they go with Jade in 2.3. Please keep making her evil and don’t try to hit us with the sad backstory Hoyo, I’m fine if it’s meant to complicate her, but please don’t try and redeem her. Hopefully they go with the Dottore route, but considering they are planning on selling her, they might throw everything interesting down the drain for her which is sad. Let women be evil! And I hope you have a good day :) 

[boop-le-snoot]

@buckyownsmylife hey babe! Remember that one time you threw that cool challenge? Here's my entry. Prepare to get absolutely ruined because daddy!Bruce is exactly that sort of man.

main masterlist ☀️ taglist

emotional support nerd

Your best friend's dad, Dr. Bruce Banner, is hotter than you thought he would be. 6k words, NSFW. Kind of Alt!Reader - she refers to herself as 'goth' in one instance. Tony Stark makes an appearance because God forbid I write a fanfic without him in it.

This is filthy pron, ft. age difference (reader is college aged) daddy kink, throat fucking, dirty talk, praise kink, cream pie, possessiveness, belly bulge and ending with a hint at a threesome. I really crammed all I could from Eyre's wheel in here, didn't I. Oh well.

"How much longer, dad?" Lyra's annoyed voice struck a chord within me. I tried to hide my snickering - unsuccessfully might I add - causing my best friend to shoot me a hurt look, equally fed up with me as she was fed up with her forgetful adopted father. "You know what, we'll take the subway."

Lyra's father's voice, both agitated and apologetic, reached my ears in bitten-off phrases as the traffic noises around us grew in volume, NYC rush hour rapidly approaching its peak.

With a sound huff, Lyra removed the phone from her ear, staring me down with the most amount of petulance I've ever seen on her usually reserved, placid face. "It's twenty more minutes. Apparently he's driving Tony's car," she offered in the way of explanation, like it actually did anything to better the cold, wet situation we found ourselves in. "Please, and I can't stress this enough, please don't be weird."

I felt a flood of amusement at Lyra's pleading tone. "Darling, if you wanted a normal friend, you should have looked elsewhere," I gestured to my outfit. I looked like a goth boy's wet dream: chunky platformed boots, fishnets, heavy eyeliner. Of course, all in black.

"You know what I mean," she whined, waving off my pointing hand and fixing me with a hard stare. "The least my dad needs is someone that is terrified of him just because sometimes he turns into a big green monkey. It's not as exciting as internet thinks, anyway," the last part of the sentence was mumbled but I heard it nonetheless as Lyra stared out into the traffic, clever eyes looking for a particular car model.

What Lyra didn't know was that I was not at all considering to be terrified by the man who dosed himself with radiation and developed an advanced version of split personality disorder. I could be intimidated by him, sure, because he was incredibly intelligent, a world class scientist with more PhDs than I had zeroes in my bank account, but even despite his green problem, Dr. Bruce Banner was about as far away from 'scary' as a man could be.

The few scarce pictures of him on the internet showed a short, stocky man with kind eyes and salt-and-pepper curls, always dressed in un-ironed, crumpled button-ups with dorky patterns. Looking at him, I mused that there was a high chance he spoke with a stutter and that fact amused me to no end. Jekyll and Hyde, alright.

Lyra was much the same way. Shy and reclusive, with curly brown hair and doe eyes, she spent a good chunk of her first semester in college being avoided by everybody because of her last name; I, on the other hand, avoided everyone out of habit, I'd never been a social butterfly, but the way people subtly made sure to exclude Lyra from all the activities filled me with quiet, seething rage, and I stepped over my general distaste of people and removed my bag from the seat next to me so Lyra could at least study in relative peace.

Yeah, yeah, you've heard it all, I'm sure. Weird goth chick adopts a socially awkward, shunned nerd and they become best friends forever. I had to admit that under the shy exterior, Lyra was smart, witty and even funny sometimes. She was willing to entertain my crude jokes without moaning, at least, and I was perfectly okay with listening to her rant about science every now and then.

Rain banged on the slanted roof of the café we were hiding in, the autumn wind howled, making both of us shiver at the prospect of having to go outside, even if it was for a short moment to run to Lyra's dad's car. The day had started out warm and sunny, but much like a badly calculated chemical formula, it all went downhill a split second after we had set out to leave campus.

"There he is," the grouch in Lyra's expression had me once again unsuccessfully attempting to conceal my snorting.

Nonetheless, I followed her out into the rain, struggling to keep up with the brisk running in my platformed shoes, unceremoniously crawling into the car behind her without sparing a glance at the driver in my eagerness to get out of the freezing downpour.

"Hi, dad," Lyra's tired voice spoke up at the same time as I angrily shook out my hair.

"I've just about McFuckin' had it with New York," I was afraid the dye in my hair would bleed out into my clothes, or even worse, the nice, cream-colored car seats.

"Hello, ladies," the voice that greeted us was low, gravelly and apologetic to boot.

My eyes shot up, meeting an expression full of surprise and amusement. I stared at the shockingly handsome face of Dr. Bruce Banner like a deer in the headlights.

The fine mimic wrinkles had stretched into a resemblance of a smile, soft, plush lips revealing a set of straight, white teeth. The five o'clock shadow framed his jaw, giving it a sharp, defined edge, his clever brown eyes slid down my form, faltering on the pentagram on my belt and my fishnet-covered legs, settling on my chunky boots before hastily snapping back up to my face.

"Dad, this is..." Lyra's voice was full of suspicious bewilderment as she attempted to dissipate the sudden awkwardness.

"Oh, yeah, I'm Dr. Bruce Banner, but you can call me Doc or Bruce," he cleared his throat, turning himself towards the windshield and starting up the car.

"Nice to meet you," I busied myself with putting away any stray hair just to occupy myself with something during the time I needed to recuperate from being just... Looked at by Lyra's dad.

It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I was so taken aback by his handsomeness and his aura of a gentle but powerful man that the ride to Stark tower, however swift, went on in slightly awkward silence. The streets outside were, thankfully, noisy, and the lack of an attempt to have a conversation could easily be attributed to Bruce's need to focus on the road, but Lyra's increasingly concerned looks did very little to settle the sudden racing of my heart.

"C'mon, I'll give you some sweats so you can let your..." Lyra's vague gesture towards my upper body disappeared behind her side of the door. "Hey, Tony," she suddenly interrupted her sentence, very obviously addressing another person who I managed to miss as Bruce parked in the spacious garage.

"I've been told you're finally bringing your friend, Green Pea," a voice I'd heard a thousand times on the TV poked fun at Lyra.

She bent down to retrieve her bag, shooting big eyes at me and mouthing an exaggerated "Sorry!"

Tony Stark looked about a week in debt on sleep, a contrast to the way he usually appeared in public. The exaggerated eyebrow raise made me shuffle awkwardly in my spot; the Led Zep tee caught my eyes as I lingered on it, aware of my own Mötorhead top on display. He noticed it too, causing his face leave the snide territory.

"Wow, I didn't expect kids these days to have any resemblance of taste in music but you've surprised me, Corpse Bride," he gave me a quiet wolf-whistle, watching me through lidded eyes.

I felt my eyebrow crawl upwards at his attitude but Bruce spoke up before I could say anything: "Tony, no," so firmly, I had to raise both of my eyebrows. I felt a smile tug at my lips, the situation strikingly familiar in it's essence. Like father, like daughter...

"No," Lyra's identical expression, fond and annoyed, topped up with an accusing finger pointed in my direction had everyone snorting a giggle at the situation.

"Lyra," I whined, just so I could coax her grin that she was very obviously trying to conceal. "See, I told you, every crazy genius needs their emotional support nerd," I fixed her with a pointed look.

She promptly grabbed me by the arm, leading all of us to the elevator as the two men behind us shared a hearty laugh at my well-timed joke. It was either that or I would have completely embarrassed myself by gaping and drooling over both THE Tony Stark and Lyra's father.

The rush didn't stop there. I was promptly and generously offered not only a spare pair of pants but also a whole room to stay in after an invitation to dinner I simply could not refuse. Dr. Banner firmly coaxed me into staying overnight with his pleading eyes and a hearty seasoning of guilt tripping, softly crooning how he simply could not let a young woman to wander the cold, rainy night in NYC alone.

Tony added something too, in a tone way too surefire and patronising. I guessed he noticed my eyes lingering on Dr. Banner, being a genius and all.

In a short amount of time, I found myself seated at a dinner table next to a happy, giggling Lyra who'd downed a glass of wine and was well into her second. I found it adorable how much of a lightweight she was; not hesitating in the slightest to point out that fact when she made hands for a pitcher of water.

Tony was the first one to snark back something vague about his college days and all the wild parties he used to throw, booing Bruce upon discovery that he, in fact, actually studied in college in favour of partaking in various illicit activities. That had both me and Tony giggling with Lyra promptly joining in, both of us losing it over the running joke or her being either a test tube baby or the result of immaculate conception.

Bruce's face blushed scarlet. He sputtered, a few stray drops of his lemonade landing on the (ironed!) collar of his purple shirt, cough disappearing in the wake of Tony's truly amused cackling. Dr. Banner was well on his way to either choke on his Lo Mein or turn green; thinking quickly, I decided to defuse a situation by sharing a harmless, funny story that happened to me as a freshman.

"I went on a date with this guy who said that music was the most important thing in his life, and I thought, wow, that's so beautiful!" I began my story over Lyra's incessant snickering. "So we had dinner and went back to his place because I'm a whore," the whole table erupted in laughter at my deadpan remark, Tony reaching over to give me a high five.

"And as we got there, he put on one of his demos which was just a bunch of sampled and remixed Guns'n'Roses songs, and I thought wow, that's gotta be one of the worst things I've ever heard," I pointedly looked away as Lyra's cackling grew in volume, having heard the same story several times by now and the outrage I expressed at the situation first hand.

"But instead of that I said, wow, that's so cool! Then we did the thing and his whole bedroom was covered in Axl Rose posters and I'm sure at some point Mr. Rose stared right up my asshole," there were tears streaming down Lyra's face as Tony flopped his upper body onto the table and Bruce convulsed helplessly in a silent fit of giggles. "And then I thought to myself: wow, I would have to pretend to like his music if I dated this guy and I just couldn't do that..." I breathed out, succumbing to the mirth at the dinner table. "It was good but not November Rain good, y'kno?"

Bruce snorted loudly, sliding down his chair with a hand over his face. The table shook with the force of Tony's cackling; I didn't see his expression but the howling, rasping noises sent me into another fit of laughter, right on par with Lyra.

"Is this..." Tony rapidly inhaled the much-needed oxygen. "Is this why you keep wincing whenever I play the 'Roses in the lab?" Tony wheezed and Lyra nodded.

"I just... I can picture it, and I-" she made a vague, encompassing gesture and a face.

"Please, don't," I urged with a snort. "There are better ways to get disappointed."

Dinner went on by smoothly after that, everybody happily making remarks on my dating fail, the topic of Lyra's birth and Tony's college shenanigans dismissed.

I caught Dr. Banner's pointed look as we finished our dessert - he was studying me, eyes searching for something that he very obviously wished was there. From the damp roots of my hair to the soft, cotton top clinging to my chest, I wasn't left unscrutinzed and unexamined. Like one of the many specimens he studied on a daily basis, Bruce lingered on the many characteristics that made me stand out in the grey crowd.

"Would you like to see the labs?" He asked, appearing behind me without a single sound.

The freshly cleaned dishes clattered in my arms. I'd almost dropped them, startled, but Bruce's hand landed on the top of the stack right before the top plate would have slipped off and shattered into pieces on the cold tile of his kitchen.

Blood rushed to my ears. "I'd love to," my brain had briefly returned to reality, the rush of meeting both Stark and Banner succumbing to logic and reason. My and his fields of study briefly overlapped, the question he posed was more than reasonable. In fact, many people would cheat, lie and steal to be in my position.

Bruce smiled, opening a cabinet and taking half of the dishes I was holding to stack them up in their proper place. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, exposing wide, muscular forearms littered with dark, coarse hair.

I was sure my face was flaming. After waving off Lyra's attempts to put shoes on me and leaving her to watch her TV show, a wide, warm palm rested on the back of my waist, gently steering me towards the elevator.

I tried to keep my eyes off Bruce in the large mirror on the walls of the car as it swiftly moved down, scrutinizing my appearance instead. My throat bobbed, the elevator car suddenly too small and too hot.

His eyes left marks on me - invisible ones, the kind that I knew were there just from the scorching heat sizzling on my skin.

There was a certain je ne sais quoi about him. Perhaps, it was in the way he was acting - a polar opposite of what I'd had expected, Dr. Bruce Banner possessed a quiet confidence and his patience appeared to be endless, heartily doused with an appreciation for his closest ones. The way his eyes lit up in response to people smiling around the dinner table was hard to miss.

When Bruce spoke about his research - whatever wasn't classified, anyway - the spark expanded into a mischievous fire. I could hardly understand the nuances in his work, scratch that- I could not understand a single word he was saying, at all. The individual syllables registered as they should, but my traitorous brain could only focus on the way he licked his lips in between quickly inhaled breaths.

"You're not... Following, are you?" The corner of his mouth lifted upwards, clever brown eyes fixed on my face.

God, I hoped I wasn't drooling. But to deny the obvious would have been a stretch. "No, not really," I swallowed, willing my eyes to lift from the large veins on the hand that was pointing at a set of equations. Reasonably good at math any day, they looked like the scribbles of a madman to me at the time.

Dr. Banner sighed, letting silence creep among the whirring machinery in the lab for a brief moment. "I don't scare you?" He removed his glasses, cleaning them with the corner of his shirt.

The question reeked of self-doubt and, perhaps, insecurity. "No," I answered simply, not giving him the slightest chance to find doubt in my words. I was barely holding my voice from shaking, afraid he'd misunderstand my reaction to the sudden change in atmosphere.

He was closer to me than I recalled. My hip was almost brushing his, the bulk of his shoulder millimeters from touching against my bare skin, the smell of something herbal, like tea, and sharp chemicals clouding my senses. It was such a contrasting experience.

Bruce turned to me, an expression between hunger and regret forcing me to shiver and look him straight in the eye. A hand landed on my waist, holding me in place with gentle firmness. "I'm a monster, I could hurt you," he whispered, leaning into me like a touch starved kitten. The man screamed contradiction. "We shouldn't."

Vivid images of the Hulk and the rampages years prior flashed through my mind; the rubble, the collateral damage in the form of many lives. I barely remembered it, having been too little to really understand what was going on. One thing, though, I knew for sure: ever since the world became aware of Lyra's existence, there had been no incidents. Sure, the Hulk still appeared when there was a threat, but there were no documented incidents of the green creature running amok, accidentally.

"You won't hurt me," I spoke with conviction. Perhaps, I was bluffing just slightly but I wouldn't lie like that to myself. The variable, the... Twelve or so percent chance of things going... Awry, it made a small, malicious worm inside of me rejoice and fill my limbs with familiar adrenalised yearning. "You're not a monster. Far from it, actually," I used the hand that was not supporting me against the desk to gently cradle the side of his face, letting my fingertips brush over the rough five o'clock shadow on his cheek.

Bruce emitted a sound somewhere between an agitated grown and a pleading whine, sagging with the sound exhale, pressing himself flush with my chest. His face slipped from my palm, the warm tip of his nose running a steady line up my neck, sending goosebumps running wildly down my back as his hot breath tickled the arch of my throat.

"Baby," the nickname punched a stuttered gasp out of me with the intensity contained in just that one word. "I've been hearing all these amazing things about you," his voice dropped, low baritone rumbling straight into my ear. "I won't be able to hold back. I'll want you all to myself," his bicep flexed under my hand.

My knees would have bucked if I wasn't grasping onto Bruce for dear life after those words. I had some sense of personal pride in me, so while my body was an easy, traitorous thing, my mind was more than eager to participate in this game, to ping pong a little bit before... "Yeah? What things?" I breathed.

Teeth briefly closed around my tender skin, nipping for just a second. "You're kind, beautiful," his hand took a steadfast hold on the back of my neck, exposing my throat to his mouth. More skin to mark, more time to whisper. "Intelligent, bright and clever," the more he spoke, the fiercer he became. Bruce's grasp tightened until I was pliant in it, willingly following his silent commands. "A bit of a pain in the ass," a healthy dose of humour was added into the mix as my ass was roughly grabbed, our fronts pressed together at his insistence.

"That sounds about right," I didn't resist the sudden urge to snark, thoughts lazily floating in my head, like clouds on a bright sunny day, fleeting and sparse. None of them caught on. I was focused on feeling the need, on my need to feel.

A sharp smack landed on the plump of my ass, the sound resonating in the eerily quiet lab. The sounds of machinery had dulled at some point, leaving just the two of us panting our lust into each other's space. "I know you can be a good girl. Will you, princess?" His fingertips dug into my flesh, surpassing the soft sweatpants as if they weren't even there.

I could only nod, dumbly, overcome by the sudden rush of blood to my body. The life coarsing through me sang, demanding a release of the pent-up tension.

"What's that?" Bruce removed himself from my neck, catching my unfocused eyes with a crooked smirk on his lips.

"Yes," I swallowed, breathing through my mouth.

"Mmm," he hummed, running both hands over my sides, over the frayed edges of my Mötorhead top. He admired it, briefly, setting his eyes on the band logo that was right over my breasts. Having decided something to himself, Bruce promptly removed it, lifting it over my head with ease and leaving it right on the science lab table.

Taking hold of my hand, he walked over to a hidden set of sliding doors that revealed a rather large, frequently used bed, shutting them just as I walked in, wearing only my bra and borrowed sweats. My back was pressed to the door in mere seconds, hot palms chasing away the chill of the lab as Bruce slotted his lips over mine.

He tasted like something I've never had before. His lips - so plush and supple, took hold of the kiss with practiced gusto, sucking me in without a chance or the desire to escape. I drank from him, sucked on the bottom lip as his tongue explored my mouth, danced with mine.

The room was spinning, the ringing in my ears growing in volume. I was only partly aware of the sensation of sliding down the wall; our knees thudded on the carpeted floor simultaneously, heavy breathing the only noise I could distinguish.

"Breathe, baby, that's it," Bruce coaxed, gently stroking my nape. The soft cotton of his shirt crumpled under my fingers where I held onto him, desperately searching something to ground myself with.

The buckle of his belt clattered and then clinked again as he wrapped the worn leather around my wrists, bringing them together in front of my chest. I exhaled sharply at the intimate gesture, a whine bubbling up from my chest when Bruce used a single fingertip to raise my chin.

My eyes met his; a brown iris tinged with the faintest of green around the outer edge. "This okay, princess?" He sought my face for confirmation, for agreement, for anything.

I nodded, stuttering mid-gesture, remembering our previous interaction. My mouth did not want to cooperate but I forced it to, even if it came out as little more than a pitiful mewl. "Yes, daddy," the word, sweet and sticky like fruit syrup, poured from my lips.

My eyes slid shut as my conscience - or was it common sense? - took hold of the situation. I was on my knees in front of my best friends dad, a virtual stranger, and I'd just-

Bruce's soft chuckle stopped the negative spiral of my thoughts. "That's my girl," he sounded a tad more breathless now, a hairliner in his perfect façade of self-control. As if he'd sensed my indecisiveness, he tugged on the makeshift restraints, pulling me closer, closer and into his lap.

A warm, solid chest with a healthy amount of fluff greeted me. Bruce let my lax, pliant body fall into his arms, catching me effortlessly and bringing my face to his lips. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, you're my good girl," he peppered soft kisses all over my flaming cheeks, my twitching nose, my fluttering lashes.

"Please," I begged, shame giving way to the flood of arousal that seemingly hit me all at once. I was aware of the dampness collecting in my panties, the stiffness of my limbs from holding back the ravenous desire to paw at Bruce like a wild animal. "Please, daddy..."

"I know, I know, baby girl," he soothed, not stopping his tender assault on my face. "Daddy will make it all better. I know just what you need," Bruce finally pulled away. I heard the sound of him undoing his zipper and then the awkward shuffle of him shucking off his pants.

Somewhere in between of all that, he'd ended up sitting down on the bed, wearing only his boxers, his shirt hanging open. The red crawled down his chest, partially masked by the coarse salt and pepper hair; his lips were cherry red and his hair was sticking out in odd directions. Bruce looked sinful.

My eyes inadvertently landed on the impressive bulge in his boxers; in response to my widened eyes, he reached out for it, stroking the outline of his thick cock through his boxers. "Like what you see, baby?"

"Yeah," My mouth watered.

"Baby wants a fat cock?" He teased, sounding like he knew exactly what he was doing, testing my self-control like that. With a flick of his wrist, it sprang free, slapping against his tummy, coating the fine hairs with drops of clear, musky fluid.

I swallowed, feeling the taste of him from afar and yearning for more where I was parked between his spread legs.

In a gesture almost loving, he tugged on the belt still wrapped around my wrists, bringing my face to his leaking shaft and my hands to the base of it, letting me feel the weight of his balls in them. The cock throbbed, neglected, weighed down by the heaviness of his full balls.

"Go ahead, baby, suck my cock," the encouragement came with a gentle push to my head.

I obediently followed, wrapping my lips around the pink, moist crown of it, a hum beginning in the back of my throat. My God, Bruce tasted heavenly... I whirled and slipped my tongue a around his head, I dipped into the slit to drink the nectar right from the tap, idly coming to awareness of the broken, choked moans coming from the man above me.

Raising my head got me a view of his chin; head thrown back, the lax O of his mouth glistened in the meager light. My eyes slid lower, to the flex of his abs. Bruce fought hard to stay still. The desire consumed me, a sudden rush of power at having Dr. Bruce Banner's cock in my mouth and the man at my mercy; I inhaled, sliding my mouth further and further down his throbbing length.

"Fuck," I heard him mutter before his hands gripped the sides of my face. "Hungry, baby, are you?" His eyes glowed a faint green; I shuddered at the power he held within himself. Held back for me. "Tap my thigh twice," he spoke and I had no choice but to obey. "Okay. Do that if it gets too much, alright?" I nodded. He gave me a wide, beaming smile. "Good girl," he praised, experimentally bucking his hips into my mouth a few times.

In and out. I focused on my breathing, sharp, little inhales: his girth took up all the free space in my mouth, the tip of it barely fit into my throat. The burn, the stretch; I felt every tenth of an inch, every bulging attempt of my body to accommodate Bruce's huge cock. It was delicious, I couldn't help but crave the same stretch in my neglected, sopping wet pussy.

"Fuck, you're taking it so well," Bruce moaned wetly. "Your mouth... S'like heaven... Could fuck it all day, that's my good girl," the rambling increased in it's intensity as the pace of his hips hastened. Drool and tears flowed like a river; my chin was dropping with it, spit connected my face to his pelvis. "Oh," there was a brief pause to his movements; suddenly, he pulled out, fisting the base of his cock, staring me down with a ferocious gleem in his eye.

I must've looked a straight mess; my face like a crime scene, my clothes disheveled, covered in fluids and most of all - I was desperately grinding against my own feet, too focused on the glorious cock in front of me to notice the weakness of my own flesh. "Daddy?" I questioned, wincing at the grating of my own voice.

Without a word, the belt was tugged once more; in a set of movements just slightly north of acrobatic, I found myself laying on my back in the middle of the bed, my sweatpants suffering a haste demise in the corner of the room.

Bruce crawled atop me, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses on every inch of my skin he could reach, mouthing something inaudible into every pore of my body. As he drew closer, I discerned bitten-off phrases, stringing my desire into sticky, tangy mess at the apex of my thighs.

"My perfect baby girl," the words reached me; all tongue, he kissed me once more, arching into me as much as I arched into his hot grasp. A brief inspection of my face - he was satisfied with what he saw - and Bruce crawled back, settling in between my spread legs, breathing hot air on the lips of my sex still covered by a sopping wet piece of fabric.

"Oh fuck," I yelped, feeling him smooch it soundly, the hot wetness of his tongue penetrating the meagre lace barrier with ease.

He moved it aside anyway, with a single finger, giving my pussy a broad lick, moaning into my cunt like a man gone mad. It took a few more licks for him to feel sated enough to surface, all the while holding my hips down. I was so sensitive, I felt even the tiniest flicks to my clit, I was sure if I didn't cum then and there, I would explode.

"Such a pretty pussy, princess," his heavy breathing paused briefly. He nipped my thigh. "So wet, is that all for me?"

"Yes, yes, daddy," I rasped, pushing my cunt into his face, losing all shame and trepidation.

"So tasty," he continued the torture, outlining my lower lips before taking another nosedive right into it, swirling his tongue around every fold, sucking onto my clit.

Bruce ate my pussy until my thighs shook, until my core quivered and I could no longer hold back the choked, ragged screams starting somewhere in the low of my belly and coming out as unholy, all-consuming yowls filled with unadulterated lust.

"Louder for me, baby," he inhaled rapidly, and then, he sucked on my clit.

The world stopped, halted on it's axis, every muscle going rigid in my body and every nerve ending simultaneously coming alive. Faintly, I heard a chant, repeating two syllables over and over, it sounded like my voice - but I had no control over myself. All I could do was weakly grind my hips against Bruce's mouth, faltering when the crashing waves of my orgasm began to recede.

The infuriating overstimulation stopped; blinking hazily, I saw Bruce's eyes glimmer brown and green in front of my face. His nose and his chin was glistening with a thin coat of sticky fluid; disheveled and red, he looked a man on the verge of a revelation.

Something hot and blunt nosed at my cunt, bringing back the moment to me - I realized, with a great deal of impatience - how empty I felt. The decision was minute. "Daddy, fuck me, please, I want your cock," the words came easily.

"That's my girl," his eyes fluttered shut as the first inches squeezed through the snug of my cunt. I was sopping wet and as relaxed as I'd be, but even then, it was a stretch. "Good girl, good baby," the mumbled praise made me whine and my pussy clamp on his cock. "Relax, let daddy fill you up." Breathing through it, I consciously unwound myself around him, letting my palms rest freely on his shoulders. "Let daddy take care of you."

Like melted sugar, his husked words stuck to me inside and out. Short, sharp thrusts; Bruce was patiently burrowing himself inside of me, making his way to reach the deepest parts of me I didn't even know existed. His cock head pressed against something hard and spongy inside of me; stars burst behind my eyes I'd clamped shut on reflex.

I moaned weakly, tugging on his arm, pressing myself closer. It felt so, so good. Like a raw nerve had been exposed and he was stroking it, pushing that little switch with every stroke of his hips.

"I'm not gonna last," he muttered as once again, my cunt squeezed him snugly in place, just as greedy as I was to feel that tiny explosion spark up within me again.

"I want..." I panted. Bruce set in a punishing pace after that, a palm under my ass, squeezing it so hard there would definitely be bruising. I craved it, I needed to see the evidence this was not some elaborate fever dream. "I want... Daddy to fill me up," words came out garbled; it sounded like gibberish to my ears but Bruce - they spurred him on.

"Oh yeah?" That breathless, boyish cockiness was back in his voice again; despite how fucked out he sounded, I prepared myself for something truly out of this world. I just knew.

He sat back on his shins, dragging me by the hips with him, making me shiver and moan and twitch and clamp onto him again as his throbbing cock hit that special spot again. And again. And again.

"Look at me, baby," a hand on my belly and his eyes burning right through me. As they slid down, towards the apex of my thighs where he was still moving within me almost lazily, I saw it.

"Oh fuck," I couldn't utter much more than a two-syllabled profanity. There was a bulge in my belly, just above my pelvis, moving in rhythm with Bruce's hips. And then he pressed on it and I-

Something, someone, somewhere was screaming. The noise was loud and pitched, but even then, I could barely hear it though the neverending waves of bliss that enveloped my whole being. Gold and silver at the edges of my rapidly darkening vision; I was drowning in something that smelled and felt like Bruce. The safety of his arms, the warmth of his heated body, the rapid snapping of his hips-

Oh.

"I'm gonna, fuck," the last word was but a ghost of a human speech. Growling low and filthy, Bruce leaned into my ear, his breath hot and moist. "Mine," his hips stuttered, his cock nestled deep, the sensation bordering on painful, forcefully extracted pleasure. It throbbed with every spurt of his seed; each one felt like a solid punch in the gut to my abused pussy.

"Daddy," I mewled, my body jerking away from him but my mind and my soul yearning for more. His rapidly softening flesh made the idea of being separated unbearable.

"S'good, s'my good girl, m'so proud," he mumbled, looking slightly disoriented as he removed himself from me, immediately pressing me to his side and interwining any free, flailing limbs.

We laid in silence, each of us slowly coming back to Earth after the completely unreal experience we just had. I didn't know what to think, didn't know what to do as the realization set in, the post-orgasmic haze giving way to a sudden rush of clarity.

"I can hear you overthinking," Bruce's voice was fond.

Before I could muster up the courage to snark back, the divided doors opened, one very concerned Tony Stark standing there, armed with a tranquilizer gun in one hand and a pack of cookies in the other. His mouth, previously open to (probably) yell at us, remained as open when his eyes had registered the scene in front of him.

I stared at Bruce. Bruce stared at Tony.

"The noise," he offered in the way of explanation, dangling the pack of cookies, looking, for once - speechless. He recovered quickly, however, even if the remark was a thin ghost of his usual sass: "You pick the nerd over me? I'm hurt," he scoffed in mock irritation, although I was pretty sure I saw some satisfaction in there, too.

Bruce looked at me. I looked at Bruce.

A mischievous grin slowly crept up his face, an identical one beginning to appear on my own face seconds after.

"Hey, two nerds is better than one, right?" My response is what did it; or, rather, it was the evidence of my previous throat-fucking clearly audible in my voice... Tony dropped the cookies and then, the tranq gun.

Bruce Banner taglist: @pilloclock @mikariell95 @letsby @sleep-i-ness @toomanyrobins @persephonehemingway @mostly-marvel-musings @schemefrenzy @lillsxd @bluecrazedandbeautiful @slothspaghettiwrites @sapphicnoodle69 @couldntbedamned @xoxabs88xox @marvelsbanner @tripleyeeet @tatestripedsweater @stuckybarton

[lizamango]

Finding You (Bucky Barnes x Reader) 4/?

A/N: Yay I’ve managed to bang out another chapter before I get too busy this weekend. This is seriously the slowest burn fic I have ever written!

Summary: You’ve been one of SHIELD’s top spies for years but what happens when the organisation you’ve put your trust in crumbles and Captain America gives you a mission to help him find his best friend? The last thing you expected to happen was to fall in love with your assignment and become best friends with a witch.

Taglist ~ just comment if you wanna be added

@buckylokisimp​​, @white-wolf-buckaroo​​, @austynparksandpizza, @markandlexies,  @yaszx​

Word Count: 3117​

Masterlist

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~

Warnings: cursing

Chapter Summary: Steve trusts you and you face the Winter Soldier

Chapter 4: IT WAS ALL A LIE

I wake up in a new car with Rogers driving.

“Where are we?” I ask groggily.

“Goin’ back to DC. Goin’ to someone I trust,” he responds keeping his eyes on the road.

“Didn’t realise you had friends. Other than me, of course,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood even though we almost got blown up.

“So we’re friends now, huh?” he says, playing along.

I shrug but it causes a pang in my side and I hiss at the pain.

“You alright?”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t have enhanced speedy healing but I’ll cope. Give me an ibuprofen and I’ll be good as new.” I sigh, staring out the window.

“You sure that’s not an act to distract me from the fact you called me Steve and not Rogers or Captain?” he says, teasing.

I roll my eyes dramatically. Of course he picked that up. “Slip of the tongue.”

“Whatever you say… friend. Pal. Buddy,” he chuckles, amused at his own joke. Like a grandpa.

“Oh my gosh, anyone ever tell you you’re really annoying?”

He quiets down and the mood shifts notably. More somber. “Someone did.”

I frown, I thought he didn’t have anyone special… The car comes to a stop and before I could ask for more, even though I know he wouldn’t give it, he gets out of the car.

“Where are we, really?”

“Trust me.” I do.

I follow him up the steps and he knocks on the door. I look around, suspicious and skeptical, the sound of the door opening brings my attention to the owner of the house. Huh, the guy I saw when I first picked the Captain up for that cursed mission.

“Hey, man,” Sam says in shock.

“I’m sorry about this. But we need a place to lay low.”

“Everyone we know is trying to kill us,” I add.

“Not everybody,” he steps aside and Steve and I walk in. “Bathroom’s through that hallway and there’s a spare room right across from it… I’ll go and… make you something to eat. If you guys do that sort of thing.”

I chuckle softly and Steve lets me go wash up first. I splash water in my face and take a breath, something I couldn’t do until now. I stare hard at my reflection and I look as lost and tired as I feel. I find a small towel and take it with me, sitting on the bed and drying off. Steve freshens up next and goes to sit in front of me.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” I respond a little too quickly.

“What’s going on?”

“I guess… SHIELD’s been my life for so long. I thought I knew what it was… that it did good, helped people. I thought that everything I did, every mission I filled was the right thing, the good thing. But what if it wasn’t? Whoever gave those orders could have been using me. Using us all. If we’re the bad guys then… the people I’ve… crossed off… they could have been good guys.” I put the towel down and sigh. “I owe you, Rogers.”

He shakes his head. “It’s okay.”

“I really thought… HYDRA was gone.”

“Well, yeah so did I, I killed their leader.”

“No… there’s something else.”

I know he’s frowning as he looks at me. “What?”

“I told you about Romanoff’s mission in Odessa… after that I was put undercover. Two years, deep. As a scientist researching the super soldier serum; from Romanoff’s debrief that seemed like the best option for a cover story. We had to find out about these threats that came outta nowhere. HYDRA picked me up. We never even considered them, I didn’t know it was them until later so I told Fury. At first… he thought it was just pockets, ya know? Thugs. People who wanted to take the reputation HYDRA had to scare competition. They had a secret… I kept coming up with nothing in my three-monthly check ins but I felt like I was close. Anyone interested in the serum had to know something, right? Then we found you and… I don’t know, maybe if Fury didn’t pull me out, I would have found the Winter Soldier and Fury wouldn’t be dead.”

“You didn’t know. No one did. These aren’t thugs. They’re organised and have been for a long time to be able to infiltrate SHIELD like they have,” he says sternly.

“If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, now you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?”

“I would now. You’re not a bad person, Y/N. I can see that, I don’t have to know you that well to know that. And I’m always honest,” he adds, causing a slight smile to appear on my face.

“Well, you seem pretty chipper for someone who just found out that killing the Red Skull did nothing to stop HYDRA.”

“Well,” he leans back on the chair. “I guess I just like to have a face to put on the people I’m up against.”

“Breakfast is ready…” Sam says. “If you… eat.”

“I like him,” I say.

“So do I.”

We stand and follow Sam to see the eggs, bacon and toast laid out on the table. “This is so sweet, thank you, Sam.”

He smiles. “I wanna help.” And I know it’s about providing us with a meal.

“We-we can’t ask that of you,” I say, knowing he’s not referring to cooking breakfast for us.

“You don’t have to because I’m offering.”

Steve nods. “Alright.”

“You’re just a civilian, right now,” I object.

“So are you, disgraced SHIELD agent.”

I huff, that’s fair.

Steve updates Sam on what has happened as I eat the breakfast so kindly prepared.

“So, the question is, who at SHIELD could launch a domestic missile strike?”

“Pierce,” Steve answers.

“Who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world,” I saw before having a bite of buttered toast. Yum.

“But he’s not working alone, Zola’s algorithm was on the Lemurian Star.”

Thinking back, I go through all the names of the hostages on the ship. “So was Jasper Sitwell,” the only field officer on a ship of technicians and scientists.

Steve frowns. “So the question is how do the two most wanted people in Washington kidnap a SHIELD officer in broad daylight?”

“The answer is, you don’t,” Sam says then he places a file on the table.

“What’s this?”

“Call it a resume.”

“Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission. That was you?” I say looking at the picture. “You didn’t say he was a pararescue,” I say to Steve. “I heard they couldn’t bring choppers in because of the RPGs. What did you use? A stealth chute?”

“No. These,” Sam hands us the thicker file.

“I thought you said you were a pilot?” Steve says, surprised.

“I never said pilot.”

I finish my breakfast as they think of a plan to retrieve the… wings. The boys can handle that while I enjoy these eggs and locate Jasper Sitwell.

Steve kicks Sitwell through a rooftop door. “Tell me about Zola’s algorithm.” I follow after Steve, silently.

“Never heard of it,” the traitor says, out of breath and stumbling backwards.

“What were you doing on the Lemurian Star?”

“I was throwing up, I get sea sick.” This smartass. He almost falls back but Steve catches him, grabbing him by his shirt. He calms down and smirks. “Is this little display meant to insinuate that you’re gonna throw me off the roof? Coz it’s really not your style, Rogers.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” Steve smooths Sitwell’s jacket down. “It’s her’s.” He steps aside and I smile, kicking him off the roof as he screams. “Were you on the helicarrier when Barton tried to shoot us down?”

“What?” I say, caught off guard, as I stare down and the falling man.

“You said I had two more guesses.”

I chuckle, remembering what he was talking about. “No, I was on a short vacation by then. One more guess.”

“Where did you go?” he asks out of curiosity.

“Classified.”

“So it was a mission?”

“Classified,” I smirk. “Fine you got it outta me, I was at –“

Sam comes up with a still screaming Jasper who is dropped behind us.

“To be continued,” Steve comments as we approach the agent.

“Zola’s algorithm is a program for choosing Insight’s targets.”

“What targets?”

“You. The TV anchor in Cairo, the Under Secretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian in Iowa city, Bruce Banner, Hank Pym, anyone who’s a threat to HYDRA. Now… or in the future.”

“The future?” Steve repeats. “How could it know?”

Sitwell chuckles. “How could it not?”

“The 21st century is a digital book,” he stands up, meeting Steve’s eyes. “Zola taught HYDRA how to read it. Zola’s algorithm evaluates people’s past to predict their future.”

“What then?” I ask, frowning.

He looks at me as if he’s noticed what he has revealed. “Pierce is gonna kill me…”

“What then?” I repeat.

“The Insight helicarriers cross people off that list. A few million at a time.”

Well Shit.

We get into a car, dragging Sitwell with us and we drive to the Triskelion.

“Insight launches in 16 hours, we’re cutting this a little close, fellas.”

Steve explains our plan of action which to no one’s surprise, Sitwell objects to. Before he can continue his rant there is a thud on the roof and an arm pulls him out through the car window.

I watch after him, seeing the metal arm of the Winter Soldier grabbing a gun from his holster. Moving fast, I slip through the two front seats and into Rogers’ lap, pulling his head forward to protect him as the Soldier shoots from the back seat to the front. Before the bullets reach us, Steve pulls on the break, causing the Soldier to fall forwards. Grabbing one of the guns, I aim but we get hit by a SHIELD Humvee from behind, causing me to drop the gun and the car to push forward toward the Asset. I fish for the gun, grabbing it as the steering wheel is ripped out of the car and Sam’s hands.

“Shit!”

I shoot after the Asset but he jumps off and onto the Humvee as we glide through the road, no way to control the car. We roll and Steve grabs each of us as we surf on the detached car door. The Soldier launches a bazooka at us but Steve pushes me away as I start running for cover so he takes the shot.

I dodge gunfire and moving cars, jumping off the bridge and using a grappling hook to safely get myself down and run but seeing his shadow, I stop just before the bridge and start shooting until he takes cover. I move to a cable car as the pissed off Asset rains bullets at my previous location. I shoot back and run as the bullets chase me.

As a diversion I record myself speaking on my communicator and play it on loop, placing it behind a row of cars as I take cover. I watch as he rolls a grenade to the source of the sound and it explodes so I jump up, using a car as a step up and kicking him in the face. I wrap my legs around him as I use my retractable steel bracelet to wrap around his neck as a garrotte but he gets his hands through and walks backwards, slamming me against a car. He gets his hands on me and throws to off of him and into another car. Geez. Before he shoots at me I grab an electric disc off my bracelet, throwing it at his arm to temporarily disable it as I run for my life.

“Get out of the way! Get away!” I yell at the panicking civilians then I feel a bullet pierce right through me. Stunned, I stumble backwards, resting on a car. I hear the soldier land not too far from my position and our eyes meet briefly as he aims at me. Steve runs in, giving me a chance to get away. Finally. Fuck me, why did I have to be the one to deal with him? As the two fight, I manage to get a hold of a dropped gun and slowly make my way back to them.

Steve flips the soldier over whose mask falls off as he lands. He turn around and I notice Steve’s stance stiffens.

“Bucky?”

“Who the hell’s Bucky?” the Asset asks. Sam kicks him, sending him flying but he’s too distracted, shaken to go after him. His eyes go wild, confused and lost as he looks at the mask now on the ground. He takes out a gun, aiming for Steve and instead of shooting directly at him I purposely target for behind him.

I recognize the STRIKE team’s vehicles coming for us and there’s no where to run. Agents put handcuffs on me and walk to the their vehicle, doing the same to Steve and Sam, confiscating their weapons and loading us up.

“What happened back there, Steve?” I ask. “Isn’t Bucky… your childhood friend?” I recall from reading the history books. He was the only Howling Commando to give his life in combat and was put on the SHIELD Wall of Valor as an honorary agent.

“It was him. He looked right at me like he didn’t even know me,” he says sadly.

“How is that even possible? It was like 70 years ago,” Sam asks.

“Zola. Bucky’s whole unit was captured in 1943, Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did, helped Bucky survive the fall.”

“Zola did it to hurt you,” I say. “Using your best friend as their secret weapon, if they ever needed him to fight you. That’s why they chose him to experiment on…”

“Wow, classic evil guy tactic,” Sam comments.

“None of that is your fault, Steve,” I say softly.

“Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.”

“Y/N, you’re bleeding badly,” Sam notices. “We need to get a doctor here. If we don’t put pressure on that wound, she’s gonna bleed out here in the truck.”

The masked agent pulls out an electrified baton, causing Sam to stop talking and jump back. They don’t use it on him though as they flip it in their hand to hit their partner who groans but passes out before he could do anything.

“Ah, that thing was squeezing my brain. Who’s this guy?” Hill removes her helmet.

“Long story,” I whisper. It feels like when I talk it hurts more.

Hill accepts that and uses a laser cutter to cut a hole in the floor and we slip out.

“I have a car waiting,” Hill says. “There are still agents on the right side.”

We arrive at a dam and Steve helps me down from the SUV, allowing me to lean on him as we follow Hill.

“GSW, she’s lost at least a pint,” Hill yells.

“Maybe two,” Sam adds.

“Let me take her!” A doctor I don’t recognize says, meeting us.

“She’ll wanna see him first.” I frown, who could I possibly wanna see right now, apart from a doctor to stitch me up?

Leading us into a room, there was no way I could have expected it. Fucking Fury, of course he’s alive.

“About damn time,” he mumbles then lists all his injuries.

“You’re too stubborn to die,” I say as the doctor sits me down to attend to my gunshot.

“Why all the secrecy?” Steve asks.

“Any attempt on the Director’s life had to look successful,” Maria explains.

“Can’t kill you if you’re already dead. Besides, I didn’t know who to trust.”

“So we just had to get targeted by the Winter Soldier for you to trust us?” I ask.

“I trusted you, that’s why I had you go to the apartment. I knew you’d find the truth, along with Rogers.”

“Well, you’re really gonna hate what we’ve found out,” Steve says.

“Alexander Pierce is the head of HYDRA,” I say, ripping off the band aid.

Fury nods slowly, processing. “That man declined a Nobel Peace Prize. He said that peace wasn’t an achievement. It’s a responsibility,” he scoffs bitterly. “See, it’s stuff like this that gives me trust issues.”

“We have to stop the launch,” I say.

“I don’t think the Council is accepting my calls anymore,” Fury states. He opens a briefcase with three drives in it.

“What’s that?” Sam asks.

“Once the helicarriers reach 3,000 feet, they’ll triangulate with Insight satellites, becoming fully weaponized,” Hill briefs.

“We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own,” Fury adds.

“One of two won’t cut it, we need to link all three for this to work. If even one of those ships remains operational, a whole lot of people are gonna die.”

Fury starts on his plan to rebuild SHIELD but Steve has none of it, interrupting. “We’re not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We’re taking down SHIELD.”

“SHIELD had nothing to do with this!” Fury defends.

“You gave me this mission. This is how it ends. SHIELD’s been compromised, you said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.”

“We’re meeting in this cave because I noticed.”

“How many paid the price before you did? You didn’t trust Y/N when she said she was close to something. If she had stayed, you would have realized how important that mission would be. You have to stop underestimating people, Nick. Your enemies as well as your friends.”

“Look, I didn’t know about Barnes.”

“Even if you did, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? SHIELD, HYDRA… it all goes.”

“He’s right,” Hill agrees.

“And you? You grew up in SHIELD. Trained, educated…” Fury asks me.

I shake my head. “This is the right thing to do. It was all a lie.”

“Well, looks like you’re giving the orders now, Cap.”

I find Steve on the bridge overlooking the water.

“I found the council woman. Hill had a photostatic veil ready for me to use…” I choose not to acknowledge his solemn look until he chose to.

“The other person… the one that called me annoying, was Bucky,” he starts referring to our earlier conversation. “He’s all I had. All I ever had. The day I thought I lost him was the worst day of my life.”

I place a hand on his back. “Do you think you can save him?”

“I have to try. I owe it to him to try.”

“And if you can’t? What if… he doesn’t let you?”

“He will. Suit up, it’s time.” He starts to walk and I frown.

“You’re not fighting in that are you?”

“No. If you’re gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform.”

💖

Thanks for reading! Have a new fic idea but should probably get more of this one done before I start writing two at once but I’m so excited for it 🤩🤩😭

Chapter 5

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch21: Shards Of A Broken Soul

Summary: Katie is finally reunited with Steve, Tony and the rest of the Avengers, and the extent of her injuries become clear. Can Steve push his own feelings of anger and inadequacy to one side enough to help her focus on getting better?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Bad language, injuries, mentions of rape. Avoid if these upset you. Smut (NSFW) 18+

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: @angrybirdcr​ you are the best image provider EVER!!!

Chapter 20

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Both Tony and Steve were anxious, Bruce could tell. He also noticed the Soldier’s knuckles were angry and bleeding. Standing up, he headed to the back of the jet to check the medical equipment. It was fully stocked as much as could be, and picking up an ice pack and some gauze he headed over to Steve and tapped his shoulder.

“Thanks.” Steve took the gauze and wiping at his split knuckles before applying the ice pack “Be fine in a coupla hours”

“Tony, you wanna switch out?” Bruce asked, “I can fly if you…” “No, I got it, besides…” he said turning his seat and gesturing to the ‘Jarvis is my co-pilot’ sticker that Katie had gotten him a while back as a joke, which was stuck to the control panel “As the sign says, its JARVIS doing it really not me…I’m just supervising.” “So, I hate to ask…” Bruce said.

“Then don’t” Tony looked at him fiercely and Steve sighed.

“None of us want to hear it Tony but…” he took a deep breath “we need to be prepared…did they say how she was hurt or…” Tony ran his hand over his face, stroking his less-groomed than normal goatee “They said she was bruised, quite severely, her left hand is in a bad way…” Steve let out a low growl at that, and his right hand flew to his sweat pants pockets, which he unzipped and ran his hands across the smooth metal and stones. Her rings had been with him ever since they’d been returned by Coulson “…and she’s in and out of consciousness, has a nasty cough, but other than that…” Tony trailed off. “Ok.” Bruce stood up, “I’ll prep what I can to make her comfy until we get her home.”

The 2 hour flight to the airfield seemed to take an eternity, but finally JARVIS announced they were approaching and shortly after they touched down. Steve was out of his seat before the plane had landed, and half jumped off the ramp before it was fully down and Tony wasn’t far behind. Bruce opted to stay behind with the jet and Steve knew it was because the gentle man didn’t want to intrude on what was going to be an emotional reunion. 

The man waiting was a huge guy. Huge. Taller than Steve and equally as wide, but with the figure of a once welt built man that had slightly gone to seed. His eyes were a warm hazel and he gave of a friendly aura.

“Captain Rogers, Mr Stark.” The man greet them on the tarmac of the airfield as the various ATC staff bustled around, heading to the jet where they were greeted by Bruce.

“Sergeant Matkinson?” Tony asked, shaking the large hand extended to him in greeting.

“No, sorry Matkinson is the one who called you. I’m Dave Bellamy, the Duty Inspector.”

He turned as Steve and Tony followed him towards the waiting car. “I gotta admit, this wasn’t what I expected when I came in today.” “Has she said anything about…” Steve began as they approached the car, but the man shook his head.

“Other than asking for you and refusing to go to Hospital she hasn’t said much at all.” he said, stopping to open the driver’s side door. Steve climbed in next to him and Tony settled in the back. “The on duty medic has cleaned her up as best she could, but she got a bit hysterical at one point when she woke up. She calmed down as soon as she realised she was safe. She did mutter something about the leather jacket we found her with and her needing to keep it as it belonged to a friend but other than that she hasn’t said much at all.” Steve frowned and looked at Tony, the pair of them exchanging a puzzled look. “A friend?” Steve turned to the officer who fired up the sirens and pulled off with a screech of tires.

“Yeah.” Bellamy nodded “We figured that whoever broke her out gave it to her, on account of her having nothing else to keep her warm but all we know is that car was taken in Collorado. And someone drove it up here and dumped it with her in the back. Whoever it was, wanted her found and safe.”

No one spoke for a while until Bellamy chipped in again. “We tried to give her some food and a warm drink but she just stared at it, like it was going to poison her or something. She looks a lot better than she did when we found her on account of her being cleaned up but she’s still…” he shrugged “Well, the sooner you can call get her some proper medical attention the better.

"And you didn’t call a doctor?” Tony bit out.

“Of course we did Mr Stark.” Bellamy sighed, his tone a little annoyed “We called an ambulance but when the paramedics arrived she went crazy. And I mean, crazy. In the end we sent them away. Like I say, she let our medic, Sarah, look at her but…” he trailed off and once more the car felt silent.

With the sirens going it didn’t take them long to arrive. Steve walked into the station through the rear entrance with a lump in his throat, which got bigger every time he thought about what state his girl was going to be in. But she was there. In this building. Ignoring the obvious looks that Captain America and Tony Stark attracted in the busy corridors of the small station, he followed the large Inspector to a room and the Inspector nodded, opening the door. 

“She said the light hurt her eyes.” The Inspector said by way of explanation as Steve and Tony stepped into the room. It smelt clean, slightly clinical and was dimly lit. Steve blinked, his vision adjusting to the lower level of lighting and saw Katie was led on the little medical bench. At the sound of voices she raised her head to look at the door.

“Oh Jesus…” Tony muttered, his hand flying to his mouth, turning away clearly unable to look at her battered form any longer than he had to. But Steve remained still, his chest heaving as his eyes focussed on her face as she looked at him, almost as if she couldn’t see him. He swallowed as nothing but utter relief washed over him, drowning out the initial flicker of anger he’d seen at the state she was in. The medic may have cleaned her face but her hair was a tangle of dirt and dried blood. The entire left side of her gaunt face was a mass of bruises, some faded and yellow, some new and angry. There was a raised line of pink to the left side of her mouth where a cut had healed, another large one down the side of her right temple, a deep slash over the bridge of her nose which looked to be on its way to healing and Steve’s eyes then flew to her hand which was bent out of shape so badly. 

As Katie blinked, the two men came into focus. She noticed her brother, his face was utterly broken and then she looked at her soldier, and the first thing she saw was the growth of stubble on his handsome face that was well on its way to being a beard. His eyes, his brilliant ocean blues were dull with pain, worry, fright but there was nothing on his face but relief. 

They were both there, the two most important men in her life, the men that had always made her feel safe and loved, and the emotion crashed over her in a huge surge. Katie felt her face crumple up as she spoke softly “Stevie…” “Oh, Doll.” his voice cracked as he crossed the room, dropping onto the bench besides her and pulling her into his arms. His touch was familiar and comforting, she couldn’t remember how long it has been since he held her. She wound her arms around his waist, her face pushing into his chest as she began to cry.

He held her tight as he pressed his face into her hair. It was dirty but he didn’t care. “Sweetheart, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry we didn’t…we didn’t…” his words trailed off as they were replaced by a choking sob as his tears began to fall whilst he simply sat there, his arms around her. She felt small, much smaller than normal, and as his hands gently rubbed up her back and he gave a horrified swallow as he realised he could feel her spine. He took a shaky breath and loosened his grip ever so slightly and he looked up as Tony crossed the room, wiping the tears from his face as he sat on the other side of the bed and gently sat next to her. She pushed away from Steve slightly to look up at her brother.

“Hey Kiddo.” he croaked out “Place has gone to shit without you.” She let out a little jerk of a laugh as he reached out and tenderly cupped her face.

“Take me home.” she said, the tears pricking into her eyes as she pressed her face once more into Steve’s chest, his warm, familiar, comforting chest.

“Of course doll,” he choked out, looking up at Tony who wiped at his face again. “Of course.”

******

“Hi Bruce…” Katie managed to stutter when Steve carried her onto the jet, Tony doing the thankyous to the officer who had driven them back, handing Tony the leather jacket that Katie had made a huge fuss about not leaving without for some reason, but there was plenty of time to dig into that later.

“Hey Nova.” he smiled softly, as Steve set her down on the medical bench at the back. He kept her right hand in his, gently kissing her knuckles as Bruce took her in. He looked up at Steve who swallowed and nodded, understanding and the Doctor looked at Katie. “I’m just gonna take a look at you, that ok?” Katie had to stop herself from laughing “It aint gonna be pretty” she said, before she started coughing again, scrunching herself up at the pain and Steve’s hand gently dropped to her head as he crouched besides her.

“She’s running a temp.” he looked at Bruce who nodded.

“Probably an infection.” he surmised “Don’t worry sweetie, we’ll get you patched up and back to normal in no time.” he said as he gently hiked up the hoody they’d given her at the station.

“Told you.” she said, clocking the look on his face as he tried, but failed, to hide the gasp of shock and horror. Steve glanced over and his face paled at the mass of bruising on her sides. He could see her ribs, her hips. He knew she’d lost weight but this…

“I dunno when I last ate. Didn’t trust them.” She muttered as she lay back. Steve dropped a kiss to her forehead as Tony joined them.

“Well, on top of the obvious you’re probably a little malnourished.” Bruce sighed, as he leant to listen to her breathing with a stethoscope before letting out a small hum and a nod “Yeah, you have a nasty chest infection…and that hand is gonna need looking at.” “She gonna be ok?” Tony demanded as Bruce moved him out of the way to gather up some supplies. The jet was kitted out for quick missions, nothing like this, but he found what he was looking for.

“She is here.” Katie mumbled and Tony arched an eyebrow.

“Brat.” She let out a small smile and Steve dropped a kiss to her forehead, allowing himself a little chuckle at the fact her sassiness hadn’t been beaten out of her.

Beaten out of her. Jesus.

He straightened up, once more the tears stinging his eyes and looked away, composing himself. 

“Once we’re home I can start you on some IV anti-biotics and glucose.” Bruce said, drawing something into a syringe. “But right now I’m going to give you something for the pain, which should help you sleep too.”

She nodded as Bruce gently rolled up the sleeve on her top, Steve letting out an angry growl at the finger marks there along with the marks on her wrists from restraints, and Bruce pushed the needle into her arm. Once he was done, Bruce readjusted her hoody for her and Tony gently placed a blanket over her, smoothing a hand over her head. 

“I’ll get us in the air.”  he said, and Bruce nodded.

“Sooner we get home the better.”

It wasn’t long before Katie felt her eyes drooping.

“Stevie, I’m so tired.” she mumbled and he leaned over, kissing her head.

“Then sleep.” he said gently, his hand stroking her dirty hair “I’ll be right here.”

And this time, as she drifted off into the darkness, the last thing she saw were those blue eyes, and the last thing she felt was her man’s hand gently caressing her hair in the way that always soothed her.

*****

Katie was still out of it when they arrived back, Steve not once moving from her side the entire flight back and as soon as the jet had landed, they were greeted by the rest of the Avengers plus Sam, Rhodey and Pepper. As Banner wheeled the gurney down the ramp, Steve walking along side it, holding her hand, Thor’s face contorted in rage at the sight of his friend and there was loud clap of thunder which made them all jump. Clint gently patted his back as he swallowed.

“She gonna be ok?” It was Rhodey who spoke first as they wheeled her past, the sight of the little girl who he’d seen grown up looking so badly beaten and frail made him sick as Banner wheeled her past, Steve not even acknowledging the rest of the team as they passed.

“She’s not in a great way but…” Tony sighed as Pepper strolled over to give him a hug, her eyes brimming with tears “Bruce thinks she’ll recover physically, it’s the mental trauma I’m worried about.”

“She’s strong.” Natasha said, wrapping her arms around herself. “A lot stronger than we give her credit for.” Clint gently rubbed at her back as she turned to him, blinking back tears. He pulled her in for a hug which she took, pressing her face into her best friend’s shoulder. 

“Any idea on how she escaped?” Sam asked.

“No.” Tony looked at him “Not that it matters, main thing is she’s here.” he turned to Nat and Clint as the red head stepped back and turned to face him. “Cap was on about someone going back to check out where she was held…you wanna get on it?”

Clint nodded but Nat hesitated slightly. She was unnerved by the emotion she had felt upon seeing Katie and didn’t want to leave her. Sam instantly picked up on it and he turned to Clint. “I’ll come.” “And me.” Thor growled, the vein in his temple twitched slightly.

Clint nodded at the two men and Tony inclined his head to the jet. “JARVIS has the co-ords.”

With that he turned and the arm that wasn’t around Pepper gently draped over Natasha’s shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze before they headed inside, followed by Rhodey.

******

It was a good few hours before Katie came round again. When she did she sat bolt upright, panic flooding her system, a loud scream bubbling from her throat.

“Hey, hey…” she heard a voice and a gentle hand round hers and she took a panicked breath, instantly scrambling away across the bed as she felt it dip besides her. “Sweetheart, it’s ok…” 

That voice. It was Steve. Her soldier.

At that realisation she instantly calmed, as she turned to face him.

“You’re safe, you’re home…” he smiled softly, his hand gently cupping her battered face as she looked at him, swallowing.

“Sorry, I was a little out of it, thought I was still…” she trailed off, looking down at the warm, clean, comfortable sheets and blankets she was wrapped in. “You’ve nothing to apologise for.” Steve sighed, “If anything I’m sorry…sorry we didn’t find you sooner. We tried…” he hung his head slightly “God did we try…” “Stop it, you idiot.” She squeezed his hand “This is not on you. It isn’t on anyone other than Hydra…” “Huh…” Tony spoke as he walked into the room “Not what Cap was saying when he broke Fury’s nose.” “You didn’t?” Katie looked at him as Steve gave a small groan.

“Oh he did.” Tony said, pulling up a chair at side of the bed next to where Steve was sat by Katie, and turning it round so he was perched straddling the seat, his arms crossing over the back as he leant forward “Made a terrific noise.” “Did J record it?” She asked and Steve groaned again.

“Oh you bet he did.” Tony smirked “I’m intending on using it as a warning to everyone about what happens when Spangles loses his shit. Not to mention the amount of punchbags, doors, walls and windows we’ve had to replace or repair…”

“Is this really necessary?” Steve sighed and Katie grinned.

“It’s very necessary.” she said seriously and Steve snorted, shaking his head. “What did you punch Fury for?” Steve ran his hand over his face and scratched his chin, he really did need a shave. “Because he was lying to us again. SHIELD knew that Sceptre had gone missing and if they had warned us then Hydra might not have targeted you specifically.” “You mean they would have taken someone else?” She narrowed her eyes at him. He fell silent.

“I tried.” Tony said softly, I tried to get them to take me, but they…” “Ok, enough.” she said, a little louder and both men looked at her. “This stops, right now, the pair of you. I can’t cope with the display of masculine self-pity.”

“It’s not self-pity…” Tony started, somewhat indignantly and she cut him off.

“I don’t care what you want to call it. But we stop now with the blame, ok? This was no-ones fault, no one but those motherfuckers who took me. And if I hear the word sorry come out of either of your mouths again in relation to this, as soon as I’m well enough to I’m going to kick both your assess…”

At that point Bruce swept back into the room, smiling softly at her. “Can I take it from the threats you’re issuing that you’re feeling a little better?” “A bit” she nodded. “Still, not great but I don’t feel as faint anymore, and my head doesn’t feel as full of cotton wool.” “Your blood sugar levels will be picking up.” Bruce smiled as he nodded to the needle in the crook of her arm which she hadn’t noticed and began to explain to her “I’ve started you on a low dose of glucose and some antibiotics to fight that chest infection, which was my first concern. You’re malnourished but I’m afraid there’s no actual food for a while, couple of days we can look at introducing nutrients orally by liquids.”

Katie looked at Steve and smiled “Know what I need?” He smiled back “Ma’s Chicken soup?” “Damned right.” she grinned “That stuff was magic when I had a cold” “I’ll make you all the soup you want.” he said, gently, his hand running over her forehead. No one stated the obvious, that she had much more than a fucking cold going on.

“And then when I can I’m gonna eat the biggest portion of Mac and Cheese I can manage” she sighed “And a cheeseburger…” “Extra pickle, chilli fries, vanilla milkshake and a slice of apple pie” Steve and Tony recited her order perfectly and she grinned.

“Preferably all from the Diner round the corner.” she said with a decisive nod.

“Well, as soon as Bruce says its ok that’s what you can have” Tony said gently “For now let’s just concentrate on getting you healthy again.” “I hate to beak this up, I really do…” Bruce said, and he did. Seeing them reunited warmed his soul, but he needed to dig into what was going on. “But now you’re awake I need to run some tests, do a few scans. I can’t see any signs of internal bleeding or anything but I want to be 100% what’s going on.”

Katie nodded “Other than my ribs and my hand…” she trailed off and looked down at her left hand which was misshapen but wasn’t as sore as it had been on account of the fact Bruce had expertly bound it to give it some support. “They took my rings…” she said softly, before looking at her right hand this time “They broke my fingers, and took my fucking rings, bastards…” The thought of anyone breaking any bone in her body alighted a fire of anger in Steve’s chest, but he gave a small smile as he shook his head “Coulson found them.” he said, reaching into his pocket. He held them out to her and her eyes started to water.

“I thought I’d lost them…” “Baby they’re not important.” Steve shook his head “Lumps of metal and stone…but you…” he swallowed “Anyway, doesn’t matter, they’re here.”

“Gonna be a while before I can wear it again huh?” she gently ran her hand over the shape of her engagement ring which lay in Steve’s palm before she looked up at Bruce who gave her a sad nod.

“’Fraid so.”

“Not this one.” Steve held up her emerald and she grinned, gleefully holding out her right hand for him to slip it back on her finger before placing a kiss just above it.

“I’ll keep the other one safe, promise.” Steve smiled.

She nodded, and held up her right hand looking at her emerald before she sighed, somewhat happily, and then she frowned.

“Hang on, how did Coulson find them?” she looked at Steve. “They were in the first place you were held.” Tony said “It’s a long story but SHIELD got a tip off about an abandoned base being back in use and they raided it, but they were too late. You’d gone.” “I don’t even remember them moving me.” she sighed, and Bruce shook his head.

“Amnesia is common when you’ve been through some kind of trauma.” he said “Your mind’s way of coping.” Katie lay her head back on the pillow. “Pity I remember everything else they did. Well, mostly…”

Steve shook his head “Don’t think on any of that. You’re safe now, and I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” “Well that’s gonna be awkward when I need the bathroom.” she looked at him and he played along, pausing as if he was pondering something.

“Ok, well maybe I’ll just wait outside and listen to you pee instead.” “Kinky fucker.” she shot back causing him to snort a laugh. Thankfully the scans and tests showed nothing more serious than 6 broken ribs, 3 of which were well on their way to healing, a slight tear in the intercostal muscle between two and a small tear in her spleen which again, Bruce was pleased to see was also repairing.

“You’re normally fit and healthy.” he explained “So your body shouldn’t have an issue repairing itself, granted not as fast as Cap’s but…”

“Well we can’t all be Super Soldiers.” she shrugged.

“What is slightly more concerning is that hand.” Bruce said. “the bones have started to set, and they’re not realigned correctly and I’m worried about long term damage. So I’ve made a call to Helen Cho, the geneticist I told you all about that I met at the Convention a few months back. She’s going to fly in with an old colleague of hers, a Dr Wang Xui Ying…” Katie and Tony both snorted, because Wang, exchanging a gleeful look and Steve rolled his eyes at their blatant childishness, but he wasn’t really bothered. It was good to see.

“Yeah yeah…” Bruce shook his head, a smirk dancing on his face “For obvious reasons he goes by his middle name in the Western world…anyway, he’s a leading Orthopaedic surgeon. I’ve sent him your X-Ray results and he says he can fix it, but it’s going to need an operation. And I don’t want to put you under any form of anaesthetic until you’re stronger.” “How long?” Steve asked and Katie bit back a smile at his demanding nature.

“If you’re vitals keep improving then maybe 5 to 7 days.” Bruce said. “We’ll see how things go. They’re going to arrive over the weekend.” “I’ve wanted to meet this Dr Cho for a while, she sounds intriguing.” Tony nodded. “I’ll make sure he guest rooms are prepped.” Katie spent the rest of the day greeting her various visitors and flitting in and out of sleep, which was perfectly normal, so Bruce said. She woke later in the evening to Steve talking in a hushed voice to Clint, Sam and Thor, whilst Natasha, Bruce and Tony listened in, Rhodey who had to get back to work had left a few hours ago after popping in to see how Katie was doing the last time she had been awake.

“No idea.” Clint said as he finished giving Steve a debrief on what they had found, the Captain insisting they did it in the medical room, not wanting to leave Katie for a second if he could help it “Place was littered with bodies. Mostly gun shots, bar Jones, who we found in the cell they kept Nova in.”

“Yeah, he hadn’t been shot.” Sam said and he looked at Steve significantly “His neck was snapped, and when I say snapped, I mean crushed.”

“Good.” Natasha spat, and Steve had to say he was inclined to agree. He hoped the fucker had suffered, his only regret was he wouldn’t get to do it himself. And then the significance of what Sam had said hit him.

“Hang on, you say crushed?” Bruce asked and Clint nodded.

“Never seen anything like it Doc.” he shrugged “It was like someone had put him in a vice”

Sam looked at Steve whose eyes widened as his memory flicked back to the first HYDRA base they’d raided back in DC. 

No, it couldn’t be…

“There was one man.” Thor continued and Steve looked at him “He was in the laboratory area. His death was an execution.” “Bullet, straight between the eyes.” Sam levelled Steve with another look. “It was just like in DC…” he made a gun shape with his fingers and held it at the top of his nose, miming the action.

“Do you think…” Steve started to ask and then a soft voice cut him off

“You know you could just ask me.” Katie spoke as she suddenly realised that no one had asked how she had escaped yet. The group all looked at her, breaking up their huddle to move towards her. Thor, Clint and Sam, who hadn’t seen her since she had woken up all came over to drop kisses onto her cheeks, her head and Clint gently brushed her head with his hand.

“Good to have you back Nova.” He smiled and she looked at him, his face soft with emotion.

“Good to be back.” she said before she sighed “So I suppose you all want to know how I got out?” “It’s been puzzling us a little.” Nat smirked.

She looked at Steve who took a seat back by her bed and then she told him just what he had suspected “It was Bucky.” Steve swallowed, and looked up at Sam.

“How?” Tony frowned, “And I mean I’m beyond glad he did Kiddo but what we he doing there? It makes no sense.”

“Yes it does.” Steve said, looking up “When we were tracking him we found the same thing in DC. Bodies all over the place, windpipes crushed, but one had been shot straight between the eyes. When we found the footage he was one of the men strapping him into the chair before they…” he trailed off, taking a deep breath, it still hurt to talk about it.

“We think Ol’ Frosty was on some kind of revenge rampage.” Sam shrugged “I expect if we run that Doctor we found in La Ronge through the system, we’ll find he was connected to the Winter Soldier programme in some way too.” “And Jones?” Clint asked “Think he might have been too?” Katie gave a snort “No, he was trying to make a run for it and was dragging me with him, but I’d heard the shots and knew whoever it was wasn’t HYDRA. I thought it might have been you guys so I was screaming, Bucky must have heard…he snapped his neck like it was a twig. Then he gave me his jacket and carried me out.” “So that’s why you were making such a fuss about it.” Steve looked at her. She shrugged.

“He saved my life. Figured the least I could do was save his jacket, in case we ever do find him again.”

Steve’s mind was whirring. He wanted to ask her so many more questions, had he said anything to her, had he recognised her, but he knew now that wasn’t important. Instead, he’d save it for later, when she was stronger. And he added it to the huge long list of times Bucky had bailed him out. Only this sat right at the top of things his best friend had done for him. 

Right at the top.   He felt her hand on his and he gave her a small smile, gently reaching over to kiss the top of her head and she smiled, looking around at the assembled crowd in the room.

“You know, they threatened to kill you all unless I told them what they thought I knew. And I laughed.” she said, shaking her head.“I mean, I’d have loved that. Them to meet you lot…”

Thor made a noise that was halfway between a snort and a growl “I would very much like to meet them too. So would my hammer.”

“Told you that you should have let me put an arrow through Ward’s head.” Clint crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh no.” She spat fiercely, and Steve was pleased to see there was a fire in her eyes “If anyone is putting a bullet between that fucker’s eyes it’s me. And I want him to see me when I do it.”

“Someone’s clearly feeling better.” Natasha smirked and Katie winked at her friend.

“Loads, thank God.”  “You’re welcome.” Thor grinned and there were various chuckles around the room. Katie broke into a laugh which hastily descended into a coughing fit. As she took a sip of the water Steve offered her through the straw she glanced around, her eyes shining with humour.

“I love you guys!”

 *******

Steve camped on the couch in the corner of the medical room for the next 2 nights, refusing to leave. He made sure Katie fell asleep in his arms as he curled up behind her whilst the sedative Bruce gave her to help her rest went to work, and she always woke up in his arms, but the pillow and the blanket on the couch were tell-tale signs that he camped there when he was satisfied she was in a dreamless sleep. Steve knew the nightmares were going to come at some point when the sedation was no longer being used, but they’d cross that bridge when they got there. 

He’d finally been forced into going back to their floor for a shower, but first he decided to have a shave. He was glad to see his face looked a lot less tired, he certainly felt a lot less tired, having had the first two decent night’s sleep in weeks over the last 48 hours. Katie had told him all about Bucky, what he had said, how he had recognised her, carried her out and taken her to car, how she had tried to convince him to come back but he had refused, and she didn’t remember anything until waking up at the station in the back of the car. There wasn’t much to go on but Sam had departed at lunchtime the day before to follow up the leads. But as Katie had said, she didn’t think they’d see him for a while. Especially when Nat, who had been doing some digging, confirmed that all the men they had seen on the video strapping Bucky to the chair had been found, bullets between the eyes. With a sigh Steve wiped his face clear before turning on the shower. He was grateful to Bucky, he really was, but he couldn’t shake this horrible, hollow feeling of inadequacy that was balling in the pit of his stomach. He should have been the one rescuing his girl, and he’d failed. That said, as he stepped under the stream of scalding hot water he reminded himself that it didn’t matter. What did matter was the fact she was home, safe, and improving as each hour went by.

Katie could feel that she was improving too, although as she forced the last of the awful green concoction Bruce had given her to drink, she was seriously considering asking for her IV to go back in. The drink or smoothie or whatever it was, was fucking vile, but he’d assured her if she could manage it and her system didn’t reject it, then she could slowly start introducing different liquids into her system, starting with different nutrient packed juices and maybe, some soup. The thought of soup had never excited her as much in her life, but to be fair, Steve’s chicken soup was pretty damned tasty.

What was worse though, was the sheer boredom. At some point, whilst she was asleep, a huge flat screen TV had appeared on the wall, thanks to Tony as he had pointed out when he came to see her, and last night she’d curled up with Steve to watch the Wizard of Oz, but she was already going crazy led in the bed and she was desperate to get clean. She could still feel the dirt, and grime and them on her body. Steve had said he’d help her clean up when Bruce gave her the go ahead but she didn’t want him to. There was bound to be bruises on her thighs and she wasn’t ready for him to know about the fact they’d raped her. Not yet anyway. 

As Natasha was sat with her, popping in as she did a lot during the day, she decided to take her chance whilst Steve was in their apartment.

“Bruce, I need a bath or something!” She whined “it’s been 48 hours… Look, I drank all that disgusting green shit you gave me…and I feel much better…”

Bruce groaned. “Look, I’m not sure…” “My hair and…” Katie sighed leaning back, tears pricking her eyes “please…” “Alright, but someone needs to be with you. The temperature change might cause your blood pressure to drop and you could pass out.” “Rogers can take her.” Nat nodded but Katie shook her head and looked at Nat. 

“Can you?” “Me?” Nat frowned. She nodded and gave her a significant look, one Natasha could read instantly. There was something she wasn’t telling them. And as she looked into her friends eyes she had a horrible feeling she knew what. “Your hair?” She said, locking eyes with the brunette giving her an excuse and Katie nodded. “Alright. Bruce that ok with you? He sighed "fine. But not too hot, and you use the bathroom here on the medical floor.” Katie nodded and Steve chose that moment to walk back into the room.

“Hey handsome” she smiled and he dropped a kiss to her cheek as she pouted “You shaved.” “I told you, Captain America doesn’t have a beard” he chuckled. “You killed it. Murderer” He rolled his eyes. “Brucey says I can have a bath!” She said, almost excitedly “Can you go grab me some stuff? Toiletries, pyjamas, robe, towel?” Steve looked at her, then to Bruce "is that…” Bruce sighed. “It’s ok, yes. But just a short one and try not to get the bandages on that hand wet. They were fresh on this morning.” “Nat’s gonna help me” Katie said, looking at Steve. He frowned for a moment.

“I can do it.” he said, almost sullenly. She reached out with her good hand to squeeze his “It’s my hair. She can sort the tangles and braid it out of the way until I can get it cut…I think some of it might be beyond saving”

Steve looked at her, before he let out a sigh. "Alright. But at least let me help you to and from the bathroom?” She nodded and he looked at Nat who simply gazed back, her face passive.

As Steve gathered her things in their apartment, he tried not to take in personally that she didn’t want his help, he really did. It wasn’t like he knew how to braid her hair but she could always have done that once she was back in bed. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was pushing him away because she blamed him in some way. Blamed him for not finding her, for not being the one to help her. He grabbed her favourite pair of pyjamas, not just because they were her favourite, but because they were button up so would be easier for her to get on, and everything else she had asked for and headed back to the lab, and his worries temporarily flew from his mind when she smiled at him and held out her arms.

“Wanna carry me, Soldier?” Laughing he handed the items to Natasha and scooped her up easily into his arms as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“I love you.” she said softly and he smiled.

“Love you too, so damned much.” He said, deliberately exaggerating his Brooklyn drawl making her giggle, the sound music to his ears.

Natasha didn’t comment on the finger shaped bruising in between her legs and on the outside of her thighs when she helped her undress. Instead she’d handed Katie the wash cloth and soap so she could clean herself as best she could, and helped her reach the areas she couldn’t easily do like anything where she had to raise her arms too high. She’d washed her hair for her with infinite tenderness, telling her that she would get Pepper have a stylist to come and give it a cut soon. As instructed, Katie didn’t stay in the bath too long, the water was filthy so Natasha drained it and took the small shower attachment off the wall and carefully rinsed her off before helping her stand and wrapping her in a robe. Guiding her over to the small changing room off the side she gently sat on the bench in the middle as Nat carefully dried her hair. It was mass of split ends, brittle from the malnutrition and a fair bit of it fell out as Nat gently brushed it, but at least it was clean. "I want you to ask Pepper to call Dr Kellet my ob gyn.” Katie said gently, for the first time raising the issue “Tell her it’s just for a routine check- up after my less than adequate diet or something.”

Nat nodded. “Ok but you really should tell Steve”

“Not yet” Katie swallowed. “I can’t deal with more pity and sympathy. I don’t want anyone knowing. Not until…” she trailed off, tears forming in her eyes as Natasha gently braided her damp hair “Let me get some shred of dignity back please.”

Nat kissed the top of head in a rare display of affection and nodded before grabbing the pyjamas Steve had brought down for her, laughing as she looked at them “Tigger” “I’m a sucker for Disney”

“You wear these to bed? No wonder Rogers can’t keep his hands off you”

“I don’t wear much to bed.” She grinned back, wincing slightly as Natasha gently guided the top over her arms before buttoning it up, thankful to Steve for being so thoughtful to find ones she didn’t need to pull over her head. “Pyjamas serve as lounge wear” After cleaning her teeth she was pleased to report she felt fully human again. Natasha went to find Steve and he returned, smiling at the sight of his girl who looked a whole heap better. The only thing was that now her hair was out of her face, the injuries she’d sustained were far more noticeable but he tried not to dwell on it. Instead, he focussed on the relief in her face at finally getting clean. “Feel better?” He asked, gently grazing his fingers over the side of her neck. She nodded. “So much” she said and then shook her head as he went to pick her up “Let me walk.” "Katie…” he began but she shook her head

“Please.”

He looked at Natasha who took a deep breath “He’s right Katie, Bruce will go mad…”

“Like Hulk out mad or…” Neither of them laughed, instead Steve sighed “Please sweetheart, just…” he trailed off and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine.”

He swept her up, breathing in her once again familiar just showered smell, the vanilla of her shower gel and the oatmeal in her shampoo was like a tonic to his soul and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

All in all things seemed positive. That was until the next morning when Tony picked up a message which was meant for Pepper, saying that Dr Kellet would be arriving at Lunch. Unfortunately, her being Pepper’s Ob-Gyn too meant Tony knew who she was. And even more unfortunate was that her brother’s suspicious nature had led him to grilling Bruce about why she was needed, and of course Bruce knew nothing about it. And even worse than that, was that Bruce had asked why she was calling in another doctor without telling him, and it was the absolute worst thing ever, that Steve, with his impeccable timing skills, had walked back into the room at that point, clutching the flask of soup that Bruce had cleared her to eat and asked instantly what on earth another doctor was needed for.

She had tried to explain to them all that she just wanted some goddamned control in all of this, and that frankly calling her Ob Gyn was surely the right thing to do just to be on the safe-side after spending so long being practically starved, but their demeanour and reaction had guilt tripped her big time, even if he didn’t mean to. Bruce was hurt she hadn’t told him she was concerned, Tony was pissed that she hadn’t simply just asked him to call the Ob-Gyn instead of getting Nat to ask Pepper forcing her to go behind his back, and Steve was just upset she hadn’t told him she was worried in general. As they pushed her to the brink she snapped, and the tears flooded out of her, wracking her in hysterical sobs that she had tried and tried to stop and all 3 men had been absolutely devastated.

She slapped Steve hard when he tried to pull her into his arms, screamed at them all to leave her alone and a shocked Steve had called Natasha, his own tears clouding his eyes at the sight of his beautiful, strong girl breaking in front of him. Natasha had swept into the room, ordering them all out and sat on the bed, wrapping her arms round her friend, soothing her as she let everything out. 

But Steve was frightened. Frightened as to why she needed an ob-gyn and frightened as to why she hadn’t told him.

And then he pieced it together. The secrecy, why she’d wanted Natasha to help her clean up…

“Oh God.” His voice was nothing but a choked whispter as the corridor swam around him, his legs giving way. He slumped to the floor, back to the wall, praying he was wrong. “No…please no…”

Natasha stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her and she looked at Steve, he raised his head and she instantly knew he’d figured it out.

“You knew?” He spat, shaking his head “And didn’t tell me? You FUCKING KNEW?”

“Rogers she asked me not to say anything…” “Anything about what?” Tony asked as Bruce gave a small moan, the pieces slotting into place in his head too.

“You should have told me!” Steve roared as he got to his feet, his legs still shaky “That’s…she’s my fiancée…”

“Told him what?” Tony pressed as he looked between the two of them, Steve’s face contorted in rage as he glared at Natasha.  “I know, I told her to tell you but…don’t you think she’s owed this? To have some dignity and some control?”

“For fucks sake…” Tony began but he was cut off as Steve turned to him.

“She was raped, Tony.” Steve’s voice cracked as he spoke that word “Those bastards…” And with that he put his fist straight through the stud wall to his right. “They raped her…”

*****

Steve headed off to take his frustrations out on a punch bag, he felt sick. But knew it was nothing compare to how she must have felt when… he didn’t even want to think about it. But it all added to the fact that he hadn’t kept her safe. He had failed to do the one basic thing a man should be able to do for his woman. Especially when that man is a fucking Super Soldier. But the fact she hadn’t told him was what killed him the most. The tears poured down his face as he continued to pound the bag in front of him wishing he could take all this away from her.

Back in the medical wing, Dr Kellet was as sensitive as always. She softly examined Katie as Natasha stayed with her, and thankfully confirmed there was no lasting damage. She took swabs for tests and when Katie fearfully mentioned that she couldn’t remember her cycle coming in she’d smiled and shaken her head.

“You’re not pregnant.” She assured her, gently. “It’s perfectly normal in stressful circumstances, especially if you’re not in the best health too.”

It was a few hours later when tempers had calmed somewhat before Katie let Tony or Steve in the room. She hadn’t minded Bruce so much, but hearing Tony and Steve off loading at Nat out in the corridor before had pissed her off. The fact that they thought they had the right to know anything was annoying enough, but taking it out on Nat had made her even angrier. As Katie conceded they could come back in, Natasha stood up to leave and Steve shot her a positively filthy look as she left, before he turned back to his girl on the bed, unsure of how to even approach the subject, and slightly surprised to find her shooting daggers at the pair of them. Bruce left to give them some space and as her brother and fiancée both pulled up a chair, she didn’t even wait until they sat down before she spoke.

“You better apologise to Nat or so help me God Rogers, we’re gonna fall out big time.” She finished and turned to Tony. “You too,”

“She should have told us.” Steve sniffed quietly and Katie shook her head

“No, she shouldn’t because I asked her not to.” she said, “And the way you’re looking at me now is exactly why I didn’t want you to know.” “Looking at you like what?” Tony said.

“Like you feel sorry for me.” 

Steve wiped at his face “So what did…Dr Kellet say?”

“That I’m fine.” she said “no lasting damage, just like the rest of my injuries.” She took his hand and looked at him, then to her brother and spoke clearly to them both. “Now, I’m gonna say this, and it’s the last anyone speaks on the subject. I don’t want pity or sympathy or treating like I’m made of glass. I’m not gonna shatter. Those bastards tried to break me in there and I didn’t let them and I’m not gonna let them now, ok?”

Steve looked at his girl, and the fierce look in her eyes and despite himself he felt a glimmer of pride. Pride at how strong she was but he knew that despite her protestations she was going to be broken inside. That was inevitable. And it suddenly dawned on him that it didn’t fucking matter that he hadn’t been the one to save her, or that he hadn’t been able to stop it. What mattered was that he was there now to help her piece herself together.

He gave her a nod and as her tears started again, he looked at Tony before the scientist stood up and sat on the edge of the bed to wrap her in his arms. He dropped a kiss to her head, before he stood up.

“I’m going to find Natasha.” He sighed, before grimacing. “If I don’t survive, say nice things at my funeral.” Katie let out a chuckle as he tenderly placed a hand on her head and left.

Once he was gone Katie looked at Steve and he swallowed, before she gave him a soft smile and patted the side of her bed. He returned her smile and stood up, kicking off his sneakers.

“I’m sorry I upset you.” He gently sat on the bed, swinging his legs up so he was led besides her.  Katie lay her head on his chest and he gently carded his hand through her hair.

“This isn’t getting you out of apologising to Nat.” She sniffed “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It isn’t because I don’t trust you, because I do. With my life. I was scared, I supposed.”

“Scared, what of?”

“That all the sympathy would break me.” She shrugged, a tear escaping her eye. “And that you’d…”

“That I’d what?”

“Look at me differently, like…I dunno, like I was broken or something dirty or..”

“Woah, woah…no.” Steve moved a little, looking down at her, his hands cupping her face. “This was not your fault, okay? Nothing about any of this is your fault. And as for looking at you like that, no way. Fuck, baby I love you, I love you so much. None of this, what they did, nothing is gonna change that. You hear me?” His own tears gently trickled down his face as she gave a little nod, taking a deep breath as he pressed a kiss to her head. “Please don’t worry about that, Doll.”

He wrapped his arms round her, pulling her close as she pressed her face into his chest, gently crying. Steve held her for a while, his heart breaking at how she could possibly thing he’d feel like that towards her, nothing could be further from the truth. Eventually, he felt her shift a little in his arms and she looked up at him.

“Stevie, can you do something for me?”

“Anything, Sweetheart.” “Will you kiss me? I ain’t had one in a while.” Her lips curled up into a small, hopeful smile and Steve let out a soft chuckle and dipped his head, his nose brushing hers slightly.

“Think I can manage that.” His lips met hers in a gentle peck at first before it became slightly deeper, one arm round her shoulders, the other hand cupping her face gently as hers fisted in his shirt, ignoring the dull pain in her left hand. It was soft, gentle, both of them simply enjoying the first kiss they’d shared since the quick goodbye peck six weeks ago.

“I love you.” He pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers. “Tilt e end of the line.” “Good job.” She smiled, as he wiped away the tears that had trickled down her face. “Seeing as I’m marrying you aint I?”

“Yeah, yeah you are.” Steve’s own face broke into a smile as he lay back and she once more rest her head on his chest, settling herself in his warm embrace.

***** December 2014.

Katie and Steve still took their planned trip to Europe. They’d had to rejig their original schedule slightly as Katie had only been given the all clear with her hand on the 5th December to fly, meaning they had to miss the first week of . But they didn’t care, there was plenty of time to go another time. What they did care about was the fact that they got the time to themselves. Once things had settled down at the tower they’d stepped up the search for the Sceptre, jointly deciding that was their priority. But after the events of the last few months all the Avengers had decided to take down time over the holidays, and post a large, raucous thanksgiving, they’d gone their separate ways for the holidays. Thor heading to be with Jayne, Clint and Natasha to Clint’s family (although only Katie and Steve by-proxy knew that) Bruce had gone to Seoul for a few weeks to help Dr Cho with some research and Tony had whisked Pepper off to the Maldives. Each one of them taking the chance to recover in a sense if you will, from what had been the hardest time they’d had to face as a team so far.

Katie’s hand was still a little stiff but with the physio she was getting there, and was on track to make a full recovery. And the best bit was her big fuck off Tiffany Diamond was back where it belonged. Her bruises were well gone, she had put on most of the weight she had lost (she was still a little too slim for Steve’s liking so he made it his job to feed her as much as possible) and today had been no exception. They arrived early on the Wednesday morning into Bruges, and had wasted no time in dumping their bags and heading out to explore. Their day had been full of snow, hand holding, Christmas treats, beer, long kisses stolen in the large square as they were bundled up in coats, hats and scarves. It was just so fucking normal. 

And they’d never been so grateful for normal before.

Eventually, after a huge meal in a beautiful restaurant tucked away by the side of a canal, they’d headed back to the hotel. And they had every intention of just having one last drink from the mini-bar, led on the bed but things had started to get a little heated. It was the first time that either of them had pushed anything further than kissing since the incident they didn’t talk about, but whether it was the change of scenery or just the romance of being in a hotel room in Europe, surrounded by snow, they had no idea but it felt right, and they both just ran with it.

They undressed each other tenderly and Steve laid Kati down on the bed, and just took his time, making sure he worshiped every single inch of her body he could get his hands on. His fingers traced her slowly re-establishing curves, up her hips to her ribs which were no longer protruding, down to her no longer bruised thighs and across her belly, his lips simply brushing her skin just under her collar bone. He was gentle, and to some it would surprise them how a soldier made during a war to fight could be so soft and tender but Katie knew the man underneath it all and she wasn’t surprised in the slightest at how delicate he was being. He was never anything else when it came to her. What did surprise her however, was that whilst his touch was feather light and barely there she could feel it more than she ever had. It sent red hot fire spiking through her belly, and her heart swelled to the point she thought it would burst. She loved him, loved the way he touched her and felt and yet, underneath the fire there came something else. A sharp stab of fear. Fear, not of him, but fear that when it came to it, her body was going to betray her and do something stupid, involuntary, like make her freeze or lash out, or that it would feel different for either or both of them. Steve paused, his right hand gently hovering by her naval where it had been steadily making its way downwards. She was trembling. Shit. He frowned slightly and looked up to see her watching him, her green eyes shining in the soft, dim light of the room. "Sweetheart,” he said, his voice thick in his throat “if this is too much…” “No.” She replied quickly, “it’s not…” “You’re shaking” he said softly, his hand moving up to softly cup her face as his frown deepened. Was she scared of him? The thought of that was enough to destroy him and just as he was about to say something she laid her hand over his and moved her face softly to the side so she could place a kiss to his palm. And when she spoke, he was once again convinced she could read his damned mind. “These hands would never hurt me."  Not could not, but would not. And she wanted him to understand she knew the difference. "I’m not scared of you Steve. I could never be scared of you…” she swallowed “I’m scared of me.”

His brow creased, he was confused. “I don’t understand.” “I don’t know what my body is gonna do, I’m worried I’m going to react differently to how it used and that it’ll feel different…I can’t explain.” His face softened and he looked at her, pressing his forehead to hers he tried to offer her some reassurance. “I love you.” He drew back to press a kiss to the bridge of her nose “And we’ll take it slow, that is if you still want to.” his nose gently brushed hers as he looked at her “If you don’t then that’s fine, I can wait…we can wait.” “No, I do, I don’t wanna wait.” She shook her head, her lips sweeping across his, drawing a moan from him. “I missed this, being close to you, being with you.” He looked at her again before their lips connected in a soft kiss that grew more urgent, but still stayed tender as they both poured their souls into one another. Steve’s hand gently gripped her hip and she let out a soft moan into his mouth making him pull back slightly, and press his forehead to hers. “I got you, Sweetheart.” He said softly, “I got you…” “I know.” She replied, voice barely a whisper. “You always do.”

His hand gently slid down to her folds, and as his fingers gently began to play she let out a soft gasp at his touch, it felt right, so damned right. He was gently, took his time, watching her carefully as she softly writhed at his touch, and when she begged for him, to feel him, he adjusted himself between her legs and slowly pushed into her. Katie sighed in pleasure, and relief too because it felt like it always had done. 

Steve kept his movements slow, not thrusting but rolling, rocking softly into her over and over again, soft moans and whispers filling the room as her hands gripped round his biceps, his weight gently pressed on top of her, both of them needing to feel the other as they reconnected in the most intimate of ways possible. Katie gently moved her hands, dancing over his broad back, tracing between his shoulder blades feeling each twitch and flex in his muscles as he moved, the familiarity of it was so damned comforting. Steve’s large hands cupped her face as he kissed her, their tongues tangling together and even when he broke the kiss to let out a soft groan he kept his lips on hers, feather light in their touch.

“Katie…” Steve panted into her mouth, his hips continuing their gentle, deep roll into her “I’m not sure how much longer… are you close, baby girl?” She didn’t answer with words, instead he felt her tightening around him, her reactions the same as they always had been, and he gave another groan as she let out a soft whimper. Then, he heard it. The most beautiful sound ever to hit his ears, a sound he had heard so many times before but right there in that opulent hotel room in Belgium, the lights of the city bright and bouncing off the snow through the slight crack in the heavy, deep blue curtains, it sounded so much more sweeter, more significant almost than the first time she had said it.

"Stevie…” his name tumbled from her lips in a whisper and he felt the tears sting his eyes as he nudged her nose with his, making her look at him. She gave another soft moan before she tilted her head back and let out a gentle cry as her back arched and she came, her eyes fluttering shut. It was enough to make him tumble, gently rutting up into her he felt himself go and his movements became disjointed until he collapsed forwards, utterly blissed and consumed by her.

They both took a moment before Steve raised his head to look at her, and saw the gentle shine of a tear fall down her cheek. 

“Are you ok?” He asked, wiping at her face with his thumbs. For one horrible moment he was petrified he had hurt her until he realised she was smiling and nodding. But this wasn’t her usual post orgasm grin, this was a pure, unadulterated happy smile. And then Steve understood, they were tears of joy. “Well I’ve never made anyone cry after sex before.” He quipped, his voice thick with emotion and she spluttered a giggle, sniffing a little as his nose bumped hers before his lips gently mopped up the few stray tears that fell from her sparkling emerald eyes. “I just…” she started to talk but stopped. She couldn’t find the words to explain. Explain how that last 20 minutes or so of him lavishing attention on her, right from that first kiss to taking her to the edge of ecstasy and back had fixed that final part of her that was broken. He had taken the last shards of the fragmented, shitty mess that Hydra left and slotted them back into place. "I’m ok.” She finished, unable to word it any better. "I’m ok.” He gently placed his lips on hers and drew her into a long, gentle kiss, his own tears threatening to fall at those 2 simple words. Ok was lame, she hated it, said it was just a “shit phrase and you should never just be ok” but here he knew what it meant for her to be just be ok. Without a word he rolled off her and took her with him, pulling her so she was led straight on top of him, like they would do on the couch, in front of the TV and she gave a laugh. He pulled the covers up over them and she lay her head on his chest, his fingers lightly dancing up her spine “I love you, Sweetheart.” He said as she gave a hum of contentment “More than apple pie?” She asked and he gave a chuckle, he really had missed this. Their playful banter that came before, during and after the act. “Infinitely” “More than mac and cheese?” He hesitated on purpose and she gave a loud scoff and hit him on the chest. He laughed, rubbing at the spot even though she hasn’t hurt him, giving a soft “ow” as she levelled him with a playful glare. “Is it your mac and cheese?” He asked “because we all know it’s the best damned mac and cheese in the world” “Flattery will get you nowhere, Soldier.” she teased and he chuckled again, as she lay her head back down. “But seeing as I’m in a good mood how about when I get back I make us apple pie AND mac and cheese… and then we can have more sex and you can decide which one is better?” “That sounds like the best idea you have ever had Miss Stark…” They lay there in silence and it wasn’t long before he felt her melt into him, her breathing evened out and he gently glanced down and saw her eyes were shut, her lashes fluttering slightly as she slept. He thought about moving her, setting her down beside him but as her chest rose and fell, pressing into him he decided better of it. 

She could move herself when, or if she wanted to.

And if she didn’t, then that was totally fine by him.

**** Chapter 22

**Original Posting**

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner Ch21: Shards Of A Broken Soul

Summary: Katie is finally reunited with Steve, Tony and the rest of the Avengers, and the extent of her injuries become clear. Can Steve push his own feelings of anger and inadequacy to one side enough to help her focus on getting better?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Bad language, injuries, mentions of rape. Avoid if these upset you. Smut (NSFW)

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist

Both Tony and Steve were anxious, Bruce could tell. He also noticed the Soldier’s knuckles were angry and bleeding. Standing up, he headed to the back of the jet to check the medical equipment. It was fully stocked as much as could be, and picking up an ice pack and some gauze he headed over to Steve and tapped his shoulder.

“Thanks.” Steve said, taking the gauze and wiping at his split knuckles before applying the ice pack “Be fine in a coupla hours”

“Tony, you wanna switch out?” Bruce asked, “I can fly if you…” “No, I got it, besides…” he said turning his seat and gesturing to the ‘Jarvis is my co-pilot’ sticker that Katie had gotten him a while back as a joke, which was stuck to the control panel “As the sign says, its JARVIS doing it really not me…I’m just supervising.” “So, I hate to ask…” Bruce said.

“Then don’t” Tony looked at him fiercely and Steve sighed.

“None of us want to hear it Tony but…” he took a deep breath “we need to be prepared…did they say how she was hurt or…” Tony ran his hand over his face, stroking his less-groomed than normal goatee “They said she was bruised, quite severely, her left hand is in a bad way…” Steve let out a low growl at that, and his right hand flew to his sweat pants pockets, which he unzipped and ran his hands across the smooth metal and stones. Her rings had been with him ever since they’d been returned by Coulson “…and she’s in and out of consciousness, has a nasty cough, but other than that…” Tony trailed off. “Ok.” Bruce stood up, “I’ll prep what I can to make her comfy until we get her home.”

The 2 hour flight to the airfield seemed to take an eternity, but finally JARVIS announced they were approaching and shortly after they touched down. Steve was out of his seat before the plane had landed, and half jumped off the ramp before it was fully down and Tony wasn’t far behind. Bruce opted to stay behind with the jet and Steve knew it was because the gentle man didn’t want to intrude on what was going to be an emotional reunion. 

The man waiting was a huge guy. Huge. Taller than Steve and equally as wide, but with the figure of a once welt built man that had slightly gone to seed. His eyes were a warm hazel and he gave of a friendly aura.

“Captain Rogers, Mr Stark…” The man greet them on the tarmac of the airfield as the various ATC staff bustled around, heading to the jet where they were greeted by Bruce.

“Sergeant Matkinson?” Tony asked, shaking the large hand extended to him in greeting.

“No, sorry Matkinson is the one who called you.” he said “I’m Dave Bellamy, the Duty Inspector.”

He turned as Steve and Tony followed him towards the waiting car. “I gotta admit, this wasn’t what I expected when I came in today.” “Has she said anything about…” Steve began as they approached the car, but the man shook his head.

“Other than asking for you and refusing to go to Hospital she hasn’t said much at all.” he said, stopping to open the driver’s side door. Steve climbed in next to him and Tony settled in the back. “The on duty medic has cleaned her up as best she could, but she got a bit hysterical at one point when she woke up. She calmed down as soon as she realised she was safe. She did mutter something about the leather jacket we found her with and her needing to keep it as it belonged to a friend but other than that she hasn’t said much at all.” Steve frowned and looked at Tony, the pair of them exchanging a puzzled look. “A friend?” Steve turned to the officer who fired up the sirens and pulled off with a screech of tires.

"Yeah.” Bellamy nodded “We figured that whoever broke her out gave it to her, on account of her having nothing else to keep her warm but all we know is that car was taken in Collorado. And someone drove it up here and dumped it with her in the back. Whoever it was, wanted her found and safe.”

No one spoke for a while until Bellamy chipped in again. “We tried to give her some food and a warm drink but she just stared at it, like it was going to poison her or something. She looks a lot better than she did when we found her on account of her being cleaned up but she’s still…” he shrugged “Well, the sooner you can call get her some proper medical attention the better.

"And you didn't call a doctor?" Tony bit out.

“Of course we did Mr Stark.” Bellamy sighed, his tone a little annoyed “We called an ambulance but when the paramedics arrived she went crazy. And I mean, crazy. In the end we sent them away. Like I say, she let our medic, Sarah, look at her but…” he trailed off and once more the car felt silent.

With the sirens going it didn’t take them long to arrive. Steve walked into the station through the rear entrance with a lump in his throat, which got bigger every time he thought about what state his girl was going to be in. But she was there. In this building. Ignoring the obvious looks that Captain America and Tony Stark attracted in the busy corridors of the small station, he followed the large Inspector to a room and the Inspector nodded, opening the door. 

“She said the light hurt her eyes.” The Inspector said by way of explanation as Steve and Tony stepped into the room. It smelt clean, slightly clinical and was dimly lit. Steve blinked, his vision adjusting to the lower level of lighting and saw Katie was led on the little medical bench. At the sound of voices she raised her head to look at the door.

“Oh Jesus…” Tony muttered, his hand flying to his mouth, turning away clearly unable to look at her battered form any longer than he had to. But Steve remained still, his chest heaving as his eyes focussed on her face as she looked at him, almost as if she couldn’t see him. He swallowed as nothing but utter relief washed over him, drowning out the initial flicker of anger he’d seen at the state she was in. The medic may have cleaned her face but her hair was a tangle of dirt and dried blood. The entire left side of her gaunt face was a mass of bruises, some faded and yellow, some new and angry. There was a raised line of pink to the left side of her mouth where a cut had healed, another large one down the side of her right temple, a deep slash over the bridge of her nose which looked to be on its way to healing and Steve’s eyes then flew to her hand which was bent out of shape so badly. 

As Katie blinked, the two men came into focus. She noticed her brother, his face was utterly broken and then she looked at her soldier, and the first thing she saw was the growth of stubble on his handsome face that was well on its way to being a beard. His eyes, his brilliant ocean blues were dull with pain, worry, fright but there was nothing on his face but relief. 

They were both there, the two most important men in her life, the men that had always made her feel safe and loved, and the emotion crashed over her in a huge surge. Katie felt her face crumple up as she spoke softly “Stevie…” “Oh Doll…” his voice cracked as he crossed the room, dropping onto the bench besides her and pulling her into his arms. His touch was familiar and comforting, she couldn’t remember how long it has been since he held her. She wound her arms around his waist, her face pushing into his chest as she began to cry.

He held her tight as he pressed his face into her hair. It was dirty but he didn’t care. “Sweetheart, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry we didn’t…we didn’t…” his words trailed off as they were replaced by a choking sob as his tears began to fall whilst he simply sat there, his arms around her. She felt small, much smaller than normal, and as  his hands gently rubbing up her back and he gave a horrified swallow as he realised he could feel her spine. He took a shaky breath and loosened his grip ever so slightly and he looked up as Tony crossed the room, wiping the tears from his face as he sat on the other side of the bed and gently sat next to her. She pushed away from Steve slightly to look up at her brother.

“Hey Kiddo.” he croaked out “Place has gone to shit without you.” She let out a little jerk of a laugh as he reached out and tenderly cupped her face.

"Take me home." she said, the tears pricking into her eyes as she pressed her face once more into Steve’s chest, his warm, familiar, comforting chest.

"Of course doll," he choked out, looking up at Tony who wiped at his face again. "Of course."

******

“Hi Bruce…” Katie managed to stutter when Steve carried her onto the jet, Tony doing the thankyous to the officer who had driven them back, handing Tony the leather jacket that Katie had made a huge fuss about not leaving without for some reason, but there was plenty of time to dig into that later.

“Hey Nova.” he smiled softly, as Steve set her down on the medical bench at the back. He kept her right hand in his, gently kissing her knuckles as Bruce took her in. He looked up at Steve who swallowed and nodded, understanding and the Doctor looked at Katie. “I’m just gonna take a look at you, that ok?” Katie had to stop herself from laughing “It aint gonna be pretty” she said, before she started coughing again, scrunching herself up at the pain and Steve’s hand gently dropped to her head as he crouched besides her.

“She’s running a temp.” he looked at Bruce who nodded.

“Probably an infection.” he surmised “Don’t worry sweetie, we’ll get you patched up and back to normal in no time.” he said as he gently hiked up the hoody they’d given her at the station.

“Told you.” she said, clocking the look on his face as he tried, but failed, to hide the gasp of shock and horror. Steve glanced over and his face paled at the mass of bruising on her sides. He could see her ribs, her hips. He knew she’d lost weight but this…

“I dunno when I last ate.” she said, laying her head back, “Didn’t trust them.” Steve dropped a kiss to her forehead as Tony joined them.

“Well, on top of the obvious you’re probably a little malnourished.” Bruce sighed, as he leant to listen to her breathing with a stethoscope before letting out a small hum and a nod “Yeah, as suspected…you have a nasty chest infection…and that hand…” “She gonna be ok?” Tony demanded as Bruce moved him out of the way to gather up some supplies. The jet was kitted out for quick missions, nothing like this, but he found what he was looking for.

“She is here…” Katie mumbled and Tony arched an eyebrow.

“Brat.” She let out a small smile and Steve dropped a kiss to her forehead, allowing himself a little chuckle a the fact her sassiness hadn’t been beaten out of her.

Beaten out of her. Jesus.

He straightened up, once more the tears stinging his eyes and looked away, composing himself. 

“Once we’re home I can start you on some IV anti-biotics and glucose.” Bruce said, drawing something into a syringe. “But right now I’m going to give you something for the pain, which should help you sleep too.”

She nodded as Bruce gently rolled up the sleeve on her top, Steve letting out an angry growl at the finger marks there along with the marks on her wrists from restraints, and Bruce pushed the needle into her arm. Once he was done, Bruce readjusted her hoody for her and Tony gently placed a blanket over her, smoothing a hand over her head. 

“I’ll get us in the air.”  he said, and Bruce nodded.

“Sooner we get home the better.”

It wasn’t long before Katie felt her eyes drooping.

“Stevie, I’m so tired.” she mumbled and he leaned over, kissing her head.

“Then sleep.” he said gently, his hand stroking her dirty hair “I’ll be right here.”

And this time, as she drifted off into the darkness, the last thing she saw were those blue eyes, and the last thing she felt was her man’s hand gently caressing her hair in the way that always soothed her.

*****

Katie was still out of it when they arrived back, Steve not once moving from her side the entire flight back and as soon as the jet had landed, they were greeted by the rest of the Avengers plus Sam, Rhodey and Pepper. As Banner wheeled the gurney down the ramp, Steve walking along side it, holding her hand, Thor’s face contorted in rage at the sight of his friend and there was loud clap of thunder which made them all jump. Clint gently patted his back as he swallowed.

“She gonna be ok?” It was Rhodey who spoke first as they wheeled her past, the sight of the little girl who he’d seen grown up looking so badly beaten and frail made him sick as Banner wheeled her past, Steve not even acknowledging the rest of the team as they passed.

“She’s not in a great way but…” Tony sighed as Pepper strolled over to give him a hug, her eyes brimming with tears “Bruce thinks she’ll recover physically, it’s the mental trauma I’m worried about.”

“She’s strong.” Natasha said, wrapping her arms around herself. “A lot stronger than we give her credit for.” Clint gently rubbed at her back as she turned to him, blinking back tears. He pulled her in for a hug which she took, pressing her face into her best friend’s shoulder. 

“Any idea on how she escaped?” Sam asked.

“No.” Tony said, looking at him “Not that it matters, main thing is she’s here.” he turned to Nat and Clint as the red head stepped back and turned to face him. “Cap was on about someone going back to check out where she was held…you wanna get on it?”

Clint nodded but Nat hesitated slightly. She was unnerved by the emotion she had felt upon seeing Katie and didn’t want to leave her. Sam instantly picked up on it and he turned to Clint. “I’ll come.” “And me.” Thor said, the vein in his temple twitched slightly.

Clint nodded at the two men and Tony inclined his head to the jet. “JARVIS has the co-ords.”

With that he turned and the arm that wasn’t around Pepper gently draped over Natasha’s shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze before they headed inside, followed by Rhodey.

******

It was a good few hours before Katie came round again. When she did she sat bolt upright, panic flooding her system, a loud scream bubbling from her throat.

“Hey, hey...” she heard a voice and a gentle hand round hers and she took a panicked breath, instantly scrambling away across the bed as she felt it dip besides her. “Sweetheart, it’s ok…” 

That voice. It was Steve. Her soldier.

At that realisation she instantly calmed, as she turned to face him.

“You’re safe, you’re home…” he smiled softly, his hand gently cupping her battered face as she looked at him, swallowing.

“Sorry…” she said, “I was a little out of it, thought I was still…” she trailed off, looking down at the warm, clean, comfortable sheets and blankets she was wrapped in. “You’ve nothing to apologise for.” Steve sighed, “If anything I’m sorry…sorry we didn’t find you sooner. We tried...” he hung his head slightly “God did we try…” “Stop it, you idiot.” she said, squeezing his hand “This is not on you. It isn’t on anyone other than Hydra…” “Huh…” Tony spoke as he walked into the room “Not what Cap was saying when he broke Fury’s nose.” “You didn’t?” Katie looked at him as Steve gave a small groan.

“Oh he did.” Tony said, pulling up a chair at side of the bed next to where Steve was sat by Katie, and turning it round so he was perched straddling the seat, his arms crossing over the back as he leant forward “Made a terrific noise.” “Did J record it?” She asked and Steve groaned again.

“Oh you bet he did.” Tony smirked “I’m intending on using it as a warning to everyone about what happens when Spangles loses his shit. Not to mention the amount of punchbags, doors, walls and windows we’ve had to replace or repair...”

“Is this really necessary?” Steve sighed and Katie grinned.

“It’s very necessary.” she said seriously and Steve snorted, shaking his head. “What did you punch Fury for?” Steve ran his hand over his face and scratched his chin, he really did need a shave. “Because he was lying to us again. SHIELD knew that Sceptre had gone missing and if they had warned us then Hydra might not have targeted you specifically.” “You mean they would have taken someone else?” She narrowed her eyes at him. He fell silent.

“I tried.” Tony said softly, I tried to get them to take me, but they…” “Ok, enough.” she said, a little louder and both men looked at her. “This stops, right now, the pair of you. I can’t cope with the display of masculine self-pity.”

“It’s not self-pity…” Tony started, somewhat indignantly and she cut him off.

“I don’t care what you want to call it. But we stop now with the blame, ok? This was no-ones fault, no one but those motherfuckers who took me. And if I hear the word sorry come out of either of your mouths again in relation to this, as soon as I’m well enough to I’m going to kick both your assess…”

At that point Bruce swept back into the room, smiling softly at her. “Can I take it from the threats you’re issuing that you’re feeling a little better?” “A bit” she nodded. “Still, not great but I don’t feel as faint anymore, and my head doesn’t feel as full of cotton wool.” “Your blood sugar levels will be picking up.” Bruce smiled as he nodded to the needle in the crook of her arm which she hadn’t noticed and began to explain to her “I’ve started you on a low dose of glucose and some antibiotics to fight that chest infection, which was my first concern. You’re malnourished but I’m afraid there’s no actual food for a while, couple of days we can look at introducing nutrients orally by liquids.”

Katie looked at Steve and smiled “Know what I need?” He smiled back “Ma’s Chicken soup?” “Damned right.” she grinned “That stuff was magic when I had a cold” “I’ll make you all the soup you want.” he said, gently, his hand running over her forehead. No one stated the obvious, that she had much more than a fucking cold going on.

“And then when I can I’m gonna eat the biggest portion of Mac and Cheese I can manage” she sighed “And a cheeseburger…” “Extra pickle, chilli fries, vanilla milkshake and a slice of apple pie” Steve and Tony recited her order perfectly and she grinned.

“Preferably all from the Diner round the corner.” she said with a decisive nod.

“Well, as soon as Bruce says its ok that’s what you can have” Tony said gently “For now let’s just concentrate on getting you healthy again.” “I hate to beak this up, I really do…” Bruce said, and he did. Seeing them reunited warmed his soul, but he needed to dig into what was going on. “But now you’re awake I need to run some tests, do a few scans. I can’t see any signs of internal bleeding or anything but I want to be 100% what’s going on.”

Katie nodded “Other than my ribs and my hand…” she trailed off and looked down at her left hand which was misshapen but wasn’t as sore as it had been on account of the fact Bruce had expertly bound it to give it some support. “They took my rings…” she said softly, before looking at her right hand this time “They broke my fingers, and took my fucking rings, bastards…” The thought of anyone breaking any bone in her body alighted a fire of anger in Steve’s chest, but he gave a small smile as he shook his head “Coulson found them.” he said, reaching into his pocket. He held them out to her and her eyes started to water.

“I thought I’d lost them...” “Baby they’re not important.” Steve shook his head “Lumps of metal and stone...but you...” he swallowed “Anyway, doesn’t matter, they’re here.”

“Gonna be a while before I can wear it again huh?” she gently ran her hand over the shape of her engagement ring which lay in Steve’s palm before she looked up at Bruce who gave her a sad nod.

“’Fraid so.”

“Not this one.” Steve said, holding up her emerald and she grinned, gleefully holding out her right hand for him to slip it back on her finger before placing a kiss just above it.

“I’ll keep the other one safe, promise.” Steve smiled.

She nodded, and held up her right hand looking at her emerald before she sighed, somewhat happily, and then she frowned.

“Hang on, how did Coulson find them?” she looked at Steve. “They were in the first place you were held.” Tony said “It’s a long story but SHIELD got a tip off about an abandoned base being back in use and they raided it, but they were too late. You’d gone.” “I don’t even remember them moving me.” she sighed, and Bruce shook his head.

“Amnesia is common when you’ve been through some kind of trauma.” he said “Your mind’s way of coping.” Katie lay her head back on the pillow. “Pity I remember everything else they did. Well, mostly…”

Steve shook his head “Don’t think on any of that. You’re safe now, and I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” “Well that’s gonna be awkward when I need the bathroom.” she looked at him and he played along, pausing as if he was pondering something.

“Ok, well maybe I’ll just wait outside and listen to you pee instead.” “Kinky fucker.” she shot back causing him to snort a laugh. Thankfully the scans and tests showed nothing more serious than 6 broken ribs, 3 of which were well on their way to healing, a slight tear in the intercostal muscle between two and a small tear in her spleen which again, Bruce was pleased to see was also repairing.

“You’re fit and healthy” he explained “Your body shouldn’t have an issue repairing itself, granted not as fast as Cap’s but…”

“Well we can’t all be Super Soldiers.” she shrugged.

“What is slightly more concerning is that hand.” Bruce said. “the bones have started to set, and they’re not realigned correctly and I’m worried about long term damage. So I’ve made a call to Helen Cho, the geneticist I told you all about that I met at the Convention a few months back. She’s going to fly in with an old colleague of hers, a Dr Wang Xui Ying…” Katie and Tony both snorted, because Wang, exchanging a gleeful look and Steve rolled his eyes at their blatant childishness, but he wasn’t really bothered. It was good to see.

“Yeah yeah…” Bruce shook his head, a smirk dancing on his face “For obvious reasons he goes by his middle name in the Western world…anyway, he’s a leading Orthopaedic surgeon. I’ve sent him your X-Ray results and he says he can fix it, but it’s going to need an operation. And I don’t want to put you under any form of anaesthetic until you’re stronger.” “How long?” Steve asked and Katie bit back a smile at his demanding nature.

“If you’re vitals keep improving then maybe 5 to 7 days.” Bruce said. “We’ll see how things go. They’re going to arrive over the weekend.” “I’ve wanted to meet this Dr Cho for a while, she sounds intriguing.” Tony nodded. “I’ll make sure he guest rooms are prepped.” Katie spent the rest of the day greeting her various visitors and flitting in and out of sleep, which was perfectly normal, so Bruce said. She woke later in the evening to Steve talking in a hushed voice to Clint, Sam and Thor, whilst Natasha, Bruce and Tony listened in, Rhodey who had to get back to work had left a few hours ago after popping in to see how Katie was doing the last time she had been awake.

“No idea.” Clint said as he finished giving Steve a debrief on what they had found, the Captain insisting they did it in the medical room, not wanting to leave Katie for a second if he could help it “Place was littered with bodies. Mostly gun shots, bar Jones, who we found in the cell they kept Nova in.”

“Yeah, he hadn’t been shot.” Sam said and he looked at Steve significantly “His neck was snapped, and when I say snapped, I mean crushed.”

“Good.” Natasha spat, and Steve had to say he was inclined to agree. He hoped the fucker had suffered, his only regret was he wouldn’t get to do it himself. And then the significance of what Sam had said hit him.

“Hang on, you say crushed?” Bruce asked and Clint nodded.

“Never seen anything like it Doc.” he shrugged “It was like someone had put him in a vice”

Sam looked at Steve who’s eyes widened as his memory flicked back to the first Hydra base they’d raided back in DC. 

No, it couldn’t be...

“There was one man.” Thor continued and Steve looked at him “He was in the laboratory area. His death was an execution.” “Bullet, straight between the eyes. “Sam levelled Steve with another look. “It was just like in DC…” he made a gun shape with his fingers and held it at the top of his nose, miming the action.

“Do you think...” Steve started to ask and then a soft voice cut him off

“You know you could just ask me.” Katie spoke as she suddenly realised that no one had asked how she had escaped yet. The group all looked at her, breaking up their huddle to move towards her. Thor, Clint and Sam, who hadn’t seen her since she had woken up all came over to drop kisses onto her cheeks, her head and Clint gently brushed her head with his hand.

“Good to have you back Nova.” he smiled and she looked at him, his face soft with emotion.

“Good to be back.” she said before she sighed “So I suppose you all want to know how I got out?” “It’s been puzzling us a little.” Nat smirked.

She looked at Steve who took a seat back by her bed and then she told him just what he had suspected “It was Bucky.” Steve swallowed, and looked up at Sam.

“How?” Tony frowned, “And I mean I’m beyond glad he did Kiddo but what we he doing there? It makes no sense.”

“Yes it does.” Steve said, looking up “When we were tracking him we found the same thing in DC. Bodies all over the place, windpipes crushed, but one had been shot straight between the eyes. When we found the footage he was one of the men strapping him into the chair before they…” he trailed off, taking a deep breath, it still hurt to talk about it.

“We think Ol’ Frosty was on some kind of revenge rampage.” Sam shrugged “I expect if we run that Doctor we found in La Ronge through the system, we’ll find he was connected to the Winter Soldier programme in some way too.” “And Jones?” Clint asked “Think he might have been too?” Katie gave a snort “No, he was trying to make a run for it and was dragging me with him, but I’d heard the shots and knew whoever it was wasn’t Hydra. I thought it might have been you guys so I was screaming, Bucky must have heard…he snapped his neck like it was a twig. Then he gave me his jacket and carried me out.” “So that’s why you were making such a fuss about it.” Steve said, looking at her. She shrugged.

“He saved my life.” she looked at him “Figured the least I could do was save his jacket, in case we ever do find him again.”

Steve’s mind was whirring. He wanted to ask her so many more questions, had he said anything to her, had he recognised her, but he knew now that wasn’t important. Instead, he’d save it for later, when she was stronger. And he added it to the huge long list of times Bucky had bailed him out. Only this sat right at the top of things his best friend had done for him. 

Right at the top.   He felt her hand on his and he gave her a small smile, gently reaching over to kiss the top of her head and she smiled, looking around at the assembled crowd in the room.

“You know, they threatened to kill you all unless I told them what they thought I knew. And I laughed.” she said, shaking her head  “I mean, I’d have loved that. Them to meet you lot...”

Thor made a noise that was halfway between a snort and a growl “I would very much like to meet them too. So would my hammer.”

“Told you that you should have let me put an arrow through Ward’s head.” Clint said, crossing his arms.

“Oh no.” she said fiercely, and Steve was pleased to see there was a fire in her eyes “If anyone is putting a bullet between that fucker’s eyes it’s me. And I want him to see me when I do it.”

“Someone’s clearly feeling better.” Natasha smirked and Katie winked at her friend.

“Loads.” she sighed, “thank God.”  “You’re welcome.” Thor said, grinning and there were various chuckles around the room. Katie broke into a laugh which hastily descended into a coughing fit. As she took a sip of the water Steve offered her through the straw she glanced up at the god, her eyes shining with humour.

“Good one Thor…”

 *******

Steve camped on the couch in the corner of the medical room for the next 2 nights, refusing to leave. He made sure Katie fell asleep in his arms as he curled up behind her whilst the sedative Bruce gave her to help her rest went to work, and she always woke up in his arms, but the pillow and the blanket on the couch were tell-tale signs that he camped there when he was satisfied she was in a dreamless sleep. Steve knew the nightmares were going to come at some point when the sedation was no longer being used, but they’d cross that bridge when they got there. 

He’d finally been forced into going back to their floor for a shower, but first he decided to have a shave. He was glad to see his face looked a lot less tired, he certainly felt a lot less tired, having had the first two decent night’s sleep in weeks over the last 48 hours. Katie had told him all about Bucky, what he had said, how he had recognised her, carried her out and taken her to car, how she had tried to convince him to come back but he had refused, and she didn’t remember anything until waking up at the station in the back of the car. There wasn’t much to go on but Sam had departed at lunchtime the day before to follow up the leads. But as Katie had said, she didn’t think they’d see him for a while. Especially when Nat, who had been doing some digging, confirmed that all the men they had seen on the video strapping Bucky to the chair had been found, bullets between the eyes. With a sigh Steve wiped his face clear before turning on the shower. He was grateful to Bucky, he really was, but he couldn’t shake this horrible, hollow feeling of inadequacy that was balling in the pit of his stomach. He should have been the one rescuing his girl, and he’d failed. That said, as he stepped under the stream of scalding hot water he reminded himself that it didn’t matter. What did matter was the fact she was home, safe, and improving as each hour went by.

Katie could feel that she was improving too, although as she forced the last of the awful green concoction Bruce had given her to drink, she was seriously considering asking for her IV to go back in. The drink or smoothie or whatever it was, was fucking vile, but he’d assured her if she could manage it and her system didn’t reject it, then she could slowly start introducing different liquids into her system, starting with different nutrient packed juices and maybe, some soup. The thought of soup had never excited her as much in her life, but to be fair, Steve’s chicken soup was pretty damned tasty.

What was worse though, was the sheer boredom. At some point whilst she was asleep, a huge flat screen TV had appeared on the wall, thanks to Tony as he had pointed out when he came to see her, and last night she’d curled up with Steve to watch the Wizard of Oz, but she was already going crazy led in the bed and she was desperate to get clean. She could still feel the dirt, and grime and them on her body. Steve had said he’d help her clean up when Bruce gave her the go ahead but she didn’t want him to. There was bound to be bruises on her thighs and she wasn’t ready for him to know about the fact they’d raped her. Not yet anyway. 

As Natasha was sat with her, popping in as she did a lot during the day, she decided to take her chance whilst Steve was in their apartment.

"Bruce, I need a bath or something!" She whined "it's been 48 hours... Look, I drank all that disgusting green shit you gave me…and I feel much better..."

Bruce groaned. "Look, I'm not sure..." "My hair and..." Katie sighed leaning back, tears pricking her eyes "please..." "Alright, but someone needs to be with you. The temperature change might cause your blood pressure to drop and you could pass out." "Rogers can take her." Nat nodded but Katie shook her head and looked at Nat. 

"Can you?" "Me?" Nat frowned. She nodded and gave her a significant look, one Natasha could read instantly. There was something she wasn’t telling them. And as she looked into her friends eyes she had a horrible feeling she knew what. "Your hair?" She said, locking eyes with the brunette giving her an excuse and Katie nodded. "Alright. Bruce that ok with you? He sighed "fine. But not too hot, and you use the bathroom here on the medical floor." Katie nodded and Steve chose that moment to walk back into the room.

"Hey handsome" she smiled and he dropped a kiss to her cheek as she pouted "You shaved." "I told you, Captain America doesn't have a beard" he chuckled. "You killed it. Murderer" He rolled his eyes. "Brucey says I can have a bath!" She said, almost excitedly "Can you go grab me some stuff? Toiletries, pyjamas, robe, towel?” Steve looked at her, then to Bruce "is that..." Bruce sighed. "It’s ok, yes. But just a short one and try not to get the bandages on that hand wet. They were fresh on this morning." "Nat’s gonna help me" Katie said, looking at Steve. He frowned for a moment.

“I can do it.” he said, almost sullenly. She reached out with her good hand to squeeze his "It’s my hair. She can sort the tangles and braid it out of the way until I can get it cut...I think some of it might be beyond saving"

Steve looked at her, before he let out a sigh. "Alright. But at least let me help you to and from the bathroom?" She nodded and he looked at Nat who simply gazed back, her face passive.

As Steve gathered her things in their apartment, he tried not to take in personally that she didn’t want his help, he really did. It wasn’t like he knew how to braid her hair but she could always have done that once she was back in bed. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was pushing him away because she blamed him in some way. Blamed him for not  finding her, for not being the one to help her. He grabbed her favourite pair of pyjamas, not just because they were her favourite, but because they were button up so would be easier for her to get on, and everything else she had asked for and headed back to the lab, and his worries temporarily flew from his mind when she smiled at him and held out her arms.

“Wanna carry me Soldier?” Laughing he handed the items to Natasha and scooped her up easily into his arms as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“I love you.” she said softly and he smiled.

“Love you too, so damned much.” he said, exaggerating his Brooklyn drawl making her giggle, the sound music to his ears.

Natasha didn’t comment on the finger shaped bruising in between her legs and on the outside of her thighs when she helped her undress. Instead she’d handed Katie the wash cloth and soap so she could clean herself as best she could, and helped her reach the areas she couldn’t easily do like anything where she had to raise her arms too high. She’d washed her hair for her with infinite tenderness, telling her that she would get Pepper have a stylist to come and give it a cut soon. As instructed, Katie didn’t stay in the bath too long, the water was filthy so Natasha drained it and took the small shower attachment off the wall and carefully rinsed her off before helping her stand and wrapping her in a robe. Guiding her over to the small changing room off the side she gently sat on the bench in the middle as Nat carefully dried her hair. It was mass of split ends, brittle from the malnutrition and a fair bit of it fell out as Nat gently brushed it, but at least it was clean. "I want you to ask Pepper to call Dr Kellet my ob gyn." Katie said gently, for the first time raising the issue "Tell her it's just for a routine check- up after my less than adequate diet or something."

Nat nodded. "Ok but you really should tell Steve"

"Not yet" Katie swallowed. "I can't deal with more pity and sympathy. I don’t want anyone knowing. Not until..." she trailed off, tears forming in her eyes as Natasha gently braided her damp hair "Let me get some shred of dignity back please."

Nat kissed the top of head in a rare display of affection and nodded before grabbing the pyjamas Steve had brought down for her, laughing as she looked at them "Tigger" "I'm a sucker for Disney"

"You wear these to bed? No wonder Rogers can’t keep his hands off you"

"I don’t wear much to bed." She grinned back, wincing slightly as Natasha gently guided the top over her arms before buttoning it up, thankful to Steve for being so thoughtful to find ones she didn’t need to pull over her head. "Pyjamas serve as lounge wear" After cleaning her teeth she was pleased to report she felt fully human again. Natasha went to find Steve and he returned, smiling at the sight of his girl who looked a whole heap better. The only thing was that now her hair was out of her face, the injuries she’d sustained were far more noticeable but he tried not to dwell on it. Instead, he focussed on the relief in her face at finally getting clean. "Feel better?" He asked, gently grazing his fingers over the side of her neck. She nodded. "So much" she said and then shook her head as he went to pick her up "Let me walk.” "Katie..." he began but she shook her head

"Please."

He looked at Natasha who took a deep breath “He’s right Katie, Bruce will go mad…”

“Like Hulk out mad or…” Neither of them laughed, instead Steve sighed “Please sweetheart, just…” he trailed off and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine.”

He swept her up, breathing in her once again familiar just showered smell, the vanilla of her shower gel and the oatmeal in her shampoo was like a tonic to his soul and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

All in all things seemed positive. That was until the next morning when Tony picked up a message which was meant for Pepper, saying that Dr Kellet would be arriving at Lunch. Unfortunately, her being Pepper’s Ob-Gyn too meant Tony knew who she was. And even more unfortunate was that her brother’s suspicious nature had led him to grilling Bruce about why she was needed, and of course Bruce knew nothing about it. And even worse than that, was that Bruce had asked why she was calling in another doctor without telling him, and it was the absolute worst thing ever, that Steve, with his impeccable timing skills, had walked back into the room at that point, clutching the flask of soup that Bruce had cleared her to eat and asked instantly what on earth another doctor was needed for.

She had tried to explain to them all that she just wanted some goddamned control in all of this, and that frankly calling her Ob Gyn was surely the right thing to do just to be on the safe-side after spending so long being practically starved, but their demeanour and reaction had guilt tripped her big time, even if he didn’t mean to. Bruce was hurt she hadn’t told him she was concerned, Tony was pissed that she hadn’t simply just asked him to call the Ob-Gyn instead of getting Nat to ask Pepper forcing her to go behind his back, and Steve was just upset she hadn’t told him she was worried in general. As they pushed her to the brink she snapped, and the tears flooded out of her, wracking her in hysterical sobs that she had tried and tried to stop and all 3 men had been absolutely devastated.

She slapped Steve hard when he tried to pull her into his arms, screamed at them all to leave her alone and a shocked Steve had called Natasha, his own tears clouding his eyes at the sight of her, breaking in front of him. Natasha had swept into the room, ordering them all out and sat on the bed, wrapping her arms round her friend, soothing her as she let everything out. 

But Steve was frightened now, frightened as to why she needed an ob-gyn and frightened as to why she hadn’t told him.

And then he pieced it together. The secrecy, the ob-gyn, why she’d wanted Natasha to help her clean up…

“Oh God…” he said as the corridor swam around him, his legs giving way. He slumped to the floor, back to the wall, praying he was wrong. “No…please no…”

Natasha stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her and she looked at Steve, he raised his head and she instantly knew he’d figured it out.

“You knew?” he spat, shaking his head “And didn’t tell me? You FUCKING KNEW?”

“Rogers she asked me not to say anything…” “Anything about what?” Tony asked as Bruce gave a small moan, the pieces slotting into place in his head too.

“You should have told me!” Steve roared as he got to his feet, his legs still shaky “That’s…she’s my fiancée…”

“Told him what?” Tony pressed as he looked between the two of them, Steve’s face contorted in rage as he glared at Natasha.  “I know, I told her to tell you but…don’t you think she’s owed this? To have some dignity and some control?”

“For fucks sake…” Tony began but he was cut off as Steve turned to him.

“She was raped Tony…” Steve’s voice cracked as he spoke that word “Those bastards…” And with that he put his fist straight through the stud wall to his right. “They raped her…”

*****

Steve headed off to take his frustrations out on a punch bag, he felt sick. But knew it was nothing compare to how she must have felt when… he didn’t even want to think about it. But it all added to the fact that he hadn’t kept her safe. He had failed to do the one basic thing a man should be able to do for his woman. Especially when that man is a fucking Super Soldier. But the fact she hadn’t told him was what killed him the most. The tears poured down his face as he continued to pound the bag in front of him wishing he could take all this away from her.

Back in the medical wing, Dr Kellet was as sensitive as always. She softly examined Katie as Natasha stayed with her, and thankfully confirmed there was no lasting damage. She took swabs for tests and when Katie fearfully mentioned that she couldn’t remember her cycle coming in she’d smiled and shaken her head.

“You’re not pregnant.” she said gently “It’s perfectly normal in stressful circumstances, especially if you’re not in the best health too.”

It was a few hours later when tempers had calmed somewhat before Katie let Tony or Steve in the room. She hadn’t minded Bruce so much, but hearing Tony and Steve off loading at Nat out in the corridor before had pissed her off. The fact that they thought they had the right to know anything was annoying enough, but taking it out on Nat had made her even angrier. As Katie conceded they could come back in, Natasha stood up to leave and Steve shot her a positively filthy look as she left, before he turned back to his girl on the bed, unsure of how to even approach the subject, and slightly surprised to find her shooting daggers at the pair of them. Bruce left to give them some space and as her brother and fiancée both pulled up a chair, she didn’t even wait until they sat down before she spoke.

“You better apologise to Nat or so help me God Rogers, we're gonna fall out big time..." she finished and turned to Tony “You too,”

“She should have told us.” Steve said quietly and Katie shook her head

“No, she shouldn’t because I asked her not to.” she said, “And the way you’re looking at me now is exactly why I didn’t want you to know.” “Looking at you like what?” Tony said.

“Like you feel sorry for me.” 

Steve wiped at his face “So what did…Dr Kellet say?”

“That I’m fine.” she said “no lasting damage, just like the rest of my injuries.” She took his hand and looked at him, then to her brother and spoke clearly to them both. “Now, I'm gonna say this, and it’s the last anyone speaks on the subject. I don’t want pity or sympathy or treating like I’m made of glass. I’m not gonna shatter. Those bastards tried to break me in there and I didn’t let them and I'm not gonna let them now, ok?”

Steve looked at his girl, and the fierce look in her eyes and despite himself he felt a glimmer of pride. Pride at how strong she was but he knew that despite her protestations she was going to be broken inside. That was inevitable. And it suddenly dawned on him that it didn’t fucking matter that he hadn’t been the one to save her, or that he hadn’t been able to stop it. What mattered was that he was there now to help her piece herself together.

He gave her a nod and as her tears started again, he looked at Tony before  the scientist stood up and sat on the edge of the bed to wrap her in his arms. He dropped a kiss to her head, before he stood up.

“I’m going to find Natasha” he sighed, before grimacing. “If I don’t survive, say nice things at my funeral.” Katie let out a chuckle as he tenderly placed a hand on her head and left.

Once he was gone Katie looked at Steve and he swallowed, before she gave him a soft smile and patted the side of her bed. He returned her smile and stood up, kicking off his sneakers.

“I’m sorry I upset you.” he said gently, sitting on the bed and swinging his legs up so he was led besides her.  Katie lay her head on his chest and he gently carded his hand through her hair.

“This isn’t getting you out of apologising to Nat.” she sniffed “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It isn’t because I don’t trust you, because I do. With my life.”

He shifted slightly and she sat up to look at him, “Can you do something for me?”

“Anything sweetheart.” “Give me a kiss? I ain’t had one in a while.” He let out a soft chuckle and dipped his head, his nose brushing hers slightly “think I can manage that.” His lips met hers in a gentle peck at first before it became slightly deeper, one arm round her shoulders, the other hand cupping her face gently as hers fisted in his shirt, ignoring the dull pain in her left hand. It was soft, gentle, both of them simply enjoying the first kiss they’d shared since the quick goodbye peck 6 weeks ago.

“I love you.” he said, pulling way and pressing his forehead to hers “You know that, right?” “Course I do you idiot.” she snorted, as he wiped away the tears that had trickled down her face “I’m marrying you aint I?”

“Yeah, yeah you are.” he smiled, as he lay back and she once more rest her head on his chest, settling herself in his warm embrace.

***** December 2014.

Katie and Steve still took their planned trip to Europe. They’d had to rejig their original schedule slightly as Katie had only been given the all clear with her hand on the 5th December to fly, meaning they had to miss the first week of . But they didn’t care, there was plenty of time to go another time. What they did care about was the fact that they got the time to themselves. Once things had settled down at the tower they’d stepped up the search for the Sceptre, jointly deciding that was their priority. But after the events of the last few months all the Avengers had decided to take down time over the holidays, and post a large, raucous thanksgiving, they’d gone their separate ways for the holidays. Thor heading to be with Jayne, Clint and Natasha to Clint’s family (although only Katie and Steve by-proxy knew that) Bruce had gone to Seoul for a few weeks to help Dr Cho with some research and Tony had whisked Pepper off to the Maldives. Each one of them taking the chance to recover in a sense if you will, from what had been the hardest time they’d had to face as a team so far.

Katie’s hand was still a little stiff but with the physio she was getting there, and was on track to make a full recovery. And the best bit was her big fuck off Tiffany Diamond was back where it belonged. Her bruises were well gone, she had put on most of the weight she had lost (she was still a little too slim for Steve’s liking so he made it his job to feed her as much as possible) and today had been no exception. They arrived early on the Wednesday morning into Bruges, and had wasted no time in dumping their bags and heading out to explore. Their day had been full of snow, hand holding, Christmas treats, beer, long kisses stolen in the large square as they were bundled up in coats, hats and scarves. It was just so fucking normal. 

And they’d never been so grateful for normal before.

Eventually after a huge meal in a beautiful restaurant tucked away by the side of the canal, they’d headed back to the hotel. And they had every intention of just having one last drink from the mini-bar, led on the bed but things had started to get a little heated. It was the first time that either of them had pushed anything further than kissing since the incident they didn’t talk about, but whether it was the change of scenery or just the romance of being in a hotel room in Europe, surrounded by snow, they had no idea but it felt right, and they both just ran with it.

They undressed each other tenderly and Steve laid Kati down on the bed, and just took his time, making sure he worshiped every single inch of her body he could get his hands on. His fingers traced her slowly re-establishing curves, up her hips to her ribs which were no longer protruding, down to her no longer bruised thighs and across her belly, his lips simply brushing her skin just under her collar bone. He was gentle, and to some it would surprise them how a soldier made during a war to fight could be so soft and tender but Katie knew the man underneath it all and she wasn’t surprised in the slightest at how delicate he was being. He was never anything else when it came to her. What did surprise her however, was that whilst his touch was feather light and barely there she could feel it more than she ever had. It sent red hot fire spiking through her belly, and her heart swelled to the point she thought it would burst. She loved him, loved the way he touched her and felt and yet,  underneath the fire there came something else. A sharp stab of fear. Fear, not of him, but fear that when it came to it, her body was going to betray her and do something stupid, involuntary, like make her freeze or lash out. And she didn’t want him to think that was his fault. Steve paused, his right hand gently hovering by her naval where it had been steadily making its way downwards. She was trembling. Shit. He frowned slightly and looked up to see her watching him, her green eyes shining in the soft, dim light of the room. "Sweetheart," he said, his voice thick in his throat "if this is too much..." "No." She said quickly, "it's not..." "You're shaking" he said softly, his hand moving up to softly cup her face as his frown deepened. Was she scared of him? The thought of that was enough to destroy him and just as he was about to say something she laid her hand over his and moved her face softly to the side so she could place a kiss to his palm. And when she spoke, he was once again convinced she could read his damned mind. "These hands would never hurt me."  Not could not, but would not. And she wanted him to understand she knew the difference. "I'm not scared of you Steve. I could never be scared of you..." she swallowed "I’m scared of me."

His brow creased, he was confused. "I don’t understand." "I don't know what my body is gonna do, I'm worried I’m going to react differently to how it used to and it’ll feel different...I can't explain it but please, don’t think for a second it’s you." His face softened and he looked at her, pressing his forehead to hers he tried to offer her some reassurance. "I love you." He said softly, drawing back to press a kiss to the bridge of her nose "And we'll take it slow, that is if you still want to." his nose gently brushed hers as he looked at her "If you don’t then that's fine, I can wait...we can wait." "No, I do, I don't wanna wait." She nodded, her lips sweeping across his, drawing a moan from him. "I missed this, being close to you, being with you." He looked at her again before their lips connected in a soft kiss that grew more urgent, but still stayed tender as they both poured their souls into one another. Steve's hand gently gripped her hip and she let out a soft moan into his mouth making him pull back slightly, and press his forehead to hers. "I got you baby..." he said softly, "I got you..." "I know." She replied, voice barely a whisper. “You always do.”

His fingers gently slid down to her folds, and as his fingers gently began to play she let out a soft gasp at his touch, it felt right, so damned right. He was gently, took his time, watching her carefully as she softly writhed at his touch, and when she begged for him, to feel him, he adjusted himself between her legs and slowly pushed into her. Katie sighed in pleasure, and relief too because it felt like it always had done. 

Steve kept his movements slow, not thrusting but rolling, rocking softly into her over and over again, soft moans and whispers filling the room as her hands gripped round his biceps, his weight gently pressed on top of her, both of them needing to feel the other as they reconnected in the most intimate of ways possible. Katie gently moved her hands, dancing over his broad back, tracing between his shoulder blades feeling each twitch and flex in his muscles as he moved, the familiarity of it was so damned comforting. Steve’s large hands cupped her face as he kissed her, their tongues tangling together and even when he broke the kiss to let out a soft groan he kept his lips on hers, featherlight in their touch.

"Katie..." Steve panted into her mouth, his hips continuing their gentle, deep roll into her "I'm not sure how much longer... are you close baby girl?” She didn't answer with words, instead he felt her tightening around him, her reactions the same as they always had been, and he gave another groan as she let out a soft whimper. Then, he heard it. The most beautiful sound ever to hit his ears, a sound he had heard so many times before but right there in that opulent hotel room in Belgium, the lights of the city bright and bouncing off the snow through the slight crack in the heavy, deep blue curtains, it sounded so much more sweeter, more significant almost than the first time she had said it.

"Stevie..." hiss name tumbled from her lips in a whisper and he felt the tears sting his eyes as he nudged her nose with his, making her look at him. She gave another soft moan before she tilted her head back and let out a gentle cry as her back arched and she came, her eyes fluttering shut. It was enough to make him tumble, gently rutting up into her he felt himself go and his movements became disjointed until he collapsed forwards, utterly blissed and consumed by her.

They both took a moment before Steve raised his head to look at her, and saw the gentle shine of a tear fall down her cheek. 

"Are you ok?" he said, wiping at her face with his thumbs. For one horrible moment he was petrified he had hurt her until he realised she was smiling and nodding. But this wasn’t her usual post orgasm grin, this was a pure, unadulterated happy smile. And then Steve understood, they were tears of joy. "Well I've never made anyone cry after sex before..." he quipped, his voice thick with emotion and she spluttered a giggle, sniffing a little as his nose bumped hers before his lips gently mopped up the few stray tears that fell from her sparkling emerald eyes. "I just..." she started to talk but stopped. She couldn't find the words to explain. Explain how that last 20 minutes or so of him lavishing attention on her, right from that first kiss to taking her to the edge of ecstasy and back had fixed that final part of her that was broken. He had taken the last shards of the fragmented, shitty mess that Hydra left and slotted them back into place. "I'm ok." She finished, unable to word it any better. "I'm ok." He gently placed his lips on hers and drew her into a long, gentle kiss, his own tears threatening to fall at those 2 simple words. Ok was lame, she hated it, said it was just a "shit phrase and you should never just be ok" but here he knew what it meant for her to be just be ok. Without a word he rolled off her and took her with him, pulling her so she was led straight on top of him, like they would do on the couch, in front of the TV and she gave a laugh. He pulled the covers up over them and she lay her head on his chest, his fingers lightly dancing up her spine "I love you sweetheart." He said as she gave a hum of contentment "More than apple pie?" She asked and he gave a chuckle, he really had missed this. Their playful banter that came before, during and after the act. "Infinitely" "More than mac and cheese?" He hesitated on purpose and she gave a loud scoff and hit him on the chest. He laughed, rubbing at the spot even though she hasn’t hurt him, giving a soft "ow" as she levelled him with a playful glare. "Is it your mac and cheese?" He asked "because we all know it’s the best damned mac and cheese in the world" "Flattery will get you nowhere Captain Rogers." she teased and he chuckled again, as she lay her head back down. "But seeing as I'm in a good mood how about when I get back I make us apple pie AND mac and cheese... and then we can have more sex and you can decide which one is better?" "That sounds like the best idea you have ever had Miss Stark..." They lay there in silence and it wasn’t long before he felt her melt into him, her breathing evened out and he gently glanced down and saw her eyes were shut, her lashes fluttering slightly as she slept. He thought about moving her, setting her down beside him but as her chest rose and fell, pressing into him he decided better of it. 

She could move herself when, or if she wanted to.

And if she didn't, then that was totally fine by him. Tags

@the-omni-princess​

@momobaby227​

@geekofmanythings16​

@angelofhell-666​

@thewackywriter​

[the--sad--hatter]

Phantom Pain (4)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU

PAIRING - Bucky X Reader 

WARNINGS - Bad Habits and Rough Sex, Angsty and Dark AF. 

DESCRIPTION -  Everybody in the world knew of you, but not who you really were. Some called you a vigilante, some called you a criminal and some called you a hero but all of them called you The Phantom. Only two people knew your real identity and they swore to never tell anyone but when The Avengers need to infiltrate a high-security facility, Bruce Banner deduces that you’re the only one who can pull it off. That decision puts you and Bucky Barnes on a path you can’t turn back from, even if neither of like where it’s leading.

Chapter Four - Hell Hounding

You felt the air from the force of the hit you’d only just barely dodged out of the way of and narrowed your eyes at your opponent. If he wanted to play dirty....

You dove for him, becoming intangible at the last second and phasing right through his body, twisted round to kick him in the back as your body became solid again and he went down, hitting the ground with a satisfying ‘thump’.

“Yes!” You crowed victoriously, throwing your hands into the air.

He kicked his leg out and swept yours from under you, sending you ass first onto the mats beside him.

“Wait until your opponent is taken care of before you celebrate.” He berated you, standing up and offering you his hand.

“This is why you’re the teacher and I’m the mere student.” You joked, accepting his help to stand up, rubbing your bruised butt as you stood.

“You’re getting much better, using your intangibility that way was inspired. Most people don’t expect their opponents to phase through them. You need to work on it more.” He instructed and praised at the same time.

“Whatever you say, I bow to your superior experience.” You said without a trace of sarcasm.

“What time is it?” He asked.

“12.30.”

“I have to go, I have a meeting with a client at three.” He informed you, tossing a bottle of water behind him in your general direction.

“I’ll get out of your hair then, same time tomorrow?” You checked.

“Make it an hour earlier, I want to step your training up.”

“You got it, see you later Murdock.”

Eleven Months Ago

The only thing worse than being thrown into a dumpster was bouncing of the side of a dumpster and landing in a puddle. You swore loudly and concentrated on becoming intangible before the shooter you’d been chasing could shoot you.

“What the hell? What are you?” He demanded as the bullet passed straight through you.

“I’m The Phantom you sack of sh.... you have got to be kidding me.” You trailed off, watching the red clad figure advance behind the shooter and promptly knock him out.

“I chased him all the way across town and you just jump in at the last second? Rude.” You said, standing up and glaring at the newcomer.

“Is this the man who shot an off duty cop in Manhattan?” The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen asked you.

“Yeah, that’s him.” You grumbled.

“You did well, trailing him this far and making sure he didn’t get away. But you’re not a fighter. Just because you have abilities, it doesn’t mean you have to do this.” He said, gesturing at the unconscious man on the ground.

“Well it’s this or haunting an old Victorian mansion.” You quipped.

“I suggest you stick to wandering around graveyards before you end up in one for real. You’ll get killed if you keep this up.” He retorted.

You sighed and prepared to defend yourself but you only glanced away for half a second and when you looked back, he was gone.

“Oh great, now I know how Commissioner Gordon felt.”

Ten Months Ago

You nodded in impressed approval as The Devil kicked off of a wall and spun out to kick his opponent in the face.

“Nice.” You muttered under your breath and flinched when he turned and looked straight at you.

“If you’re going to follow me you could at least try and keep quiet.” He admonished.

You sheepishly stepped out of the shadows.

“I know this looks bad, but I’m not stalking you.” You defended yourself.

“You’ve been watching me every time I’ve come out for the last week.” He rebutted.

“I definitely am stalking you, you’re right. But you’re the only other Vigilante I’ve spoke to and I thought maybe I could learn something from watching you.” You admitted.

“This isn’t the kind of thing where you take on an apprentice. Go home, go back to your life before you get in too deep and can’t get out.” He advised.

“And if I can’t? If I’m already in too deep?” You asked, resisting the urge to break into song.

“Then nothing I do or say can help you.”He said wearily.

“Not true. You could teach me to kick a dude in the head so hard his teeth fly out in slow motion.” You suggested.

“It wasn’t in slow motion.”

“Agree to disagree.” You argued, dropping down the fire escape to approach him but when you hit the ground he was gone, along with the guy he’d knocked out.

“Of for the love of... YOU’RE NOT BATMAN!”

Nine And A Half Months Ago

“Did you hear I stopped a gas station robbery last night? That means I have potential right?” You asked falling into step beside him as he stalked along a roof.

“It means you stopped a gas station robbery. You’ve stopped a lot of petty crimes and one major Bank heist. You also managed to get shot and leave blood behind at the scene, I had to steal the sample before anybody figured out who you were... Miss King.” He responded.

You sighed and pushed your hood back, pulling off the black mask.

“You protected me? That means you like me...” You smirked.

“It means I didn't want you outed, consider it a professional courtesy.” He corrected.

You stopped in your tracks and grinned widely.

“Professional courtesy? You’re accepting me.” You said happily.

“Why are you doing this?” He demanded, spinning round to face you.

“Because my job application for House of Horrors was rejected.” You answered.

He just stood in front of you, intimidating you until you broke. It didn’t take long.

“The first time I came down from my Ivory Tower and tried to do good, this happened. I became this thing. I really thought I was about to die, for good. And I wasn’t scared because I knew I was doing the right thing. But I came back and there has to be a reason for that. Even if there isn’t, even if it’s a coincidence... I don’t want to sit in my penthouse and do nothing when I could be doing something.” You admitted.

You must have said the right thing because he nodded at you.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night. Same time, same place.” He conceded and vaulted off the roof.

“So dramatic.”

Present Day

“Before you go, Foggy asked me to give this to you.” Matt said, passing you a large manilla envelope.

You opened it and pulled out the pile of documents.

“It’s all here?” You asked excitedly.

“Every one, all under shell accounts we set up with the funds you gave us. Congratulations, you now own 2% of the shares of King Inc.” Matt told you.

“Phase One is underway.” You smirked.

“Be careful. If anyone figures out what you’re doing before all the pieces are in place, you could lose everything.” He warned.

“Nobody is ever going to suspect me Matt, I’m a borderline alcoholic party animal who is sleeping her way up and down the eastern seaboard on a weekly basis. They’ll never see me coming.” You scoffed.

“Do you ever get tired of the masks you have to put on?” He asked.

“Mother always told me that the more people underestimated me, the more power I had. Wearing a few masks is a small price to pay for the kind of power I have now.” You told him, handing him back the envelope for safekeeping.

“Well then, Long live the Queen.” He smirked.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As soon as you opened the door of your penthouse, the smell of home cooking wafted out.

“West?” You called, practically running into the kitchen.

The older gentleman was stood over a simmering pot at the stove, smiling warmly at you.

“Welcome home Miss.”He said in his baritone voice.

“Whatcha cooking?” You asked, hopping onto the counter and peering into the pot.

West glared at you and you wiggled your eyebrows at him. He once told you if you wanted to park your buttocks on the kitchen counter then you should do so in your own kitchen. You took great pleasure in taunting him now, knowing he couldn’t say anything.

“Beef Stroganoff.” He said, offering you a spoon.

“Hmm, lovely. Needs a touch more rosemary.” You told him.

“There’s no rosemary in Stroganoff.” He responded drily.

“Well, there’s the problem.”You joked.

“Miss, the last time you cooked you thought cling film could be substituted for tinfoil and served me a melted plastic wrapped, raw chicken breast.” He sarked.

“And you haven’t let me cook since.” You pouted.

“It’s for the good of mankind, I assure you.” He said seriously.

You rolled your eyes and hopped off the counter.

“I need to get ready, I’ve got to go to that charity auction tonight. Are you staying for dinner?” You asked.

“I’m afraid not, your father has guests tonight and I must attend to him.” West said regretfully.

You tried not to look disappointed but he had known you your whole life and saw through you.

“As you know, Sunday’s are my day off. I thought I might drive to that apple orchard outside the city tomorrow, would you care to accompany me?” He said with a twinkle in his eye.

“It’s a date!” You said happily, kissing him on the cheek.

“I will pick you up at two pm sharp.”

“See you then Westy.” You called as you headed towards your room.

A few hours later, you were ready for your mandatory family obligated appearance at the auction.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” You yelled, hopping on one leg towards the door as you pulled your shoe on.

The incessant knocking wasn’t stopping and you yanked the door open before your regular driver bored a hole in it. Only it wasn’t your driver.

“What the hell are you doing here?”You demanded, sticking your head out of the door to look down the hallway.

“I’m here to protect you.”

“I was joking!” You yelped.

“Oh I know, but you had a point. Now get your ass downstairs.” Bucky Barnes informed you.

You spluttered indignantly.

“Now.” He ordered and you made a strangled noise in the back of your throat, grabbed your clutch bag and slammed the door, storming away.

You didn’t see his smirk or the way his eyes lit up when you obeyed him. He followed after you, reaching past you to punch the elevator button before you could.

“Are you really going to accompany me all night? If you wanted to spend time with me, you could have just asked.” You pointed out.

“We don’t know that Hydra agent didn’t identify you and send out a message before I shot him. it’s unlikely but we can’t take the risk.” Bucky aid, sounding bored.

“So you’re really here to protect me?”

“That right Mic Domniţă. You aren’t leaving my sight for the rest of the night, and you had better do as I say when I say it.” He ordered as he followed you into the elevator.

Tonight was going to be awful you thought to yourself.

Tonight was going to be fun Bucky though to himself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So.... There we have it, Matt Murdock was the surprise character. What do you think about her being The Devil's Apprentice? You got to know a little bit more about Miss King's personality in this chapter and just how manipulative she is. Does this make you like her more? Or less? And West! We met West! Next Chapter should be a lot of fun *cackles*

You can ask to be added to or removed from tags at any time folks, just comment or inbox :D @life-wanderer @drdorkus @gravedollie666 @sadsoldat @bigplantdaddy @moodyruth @likes-to-smell-books @shirukitsune @inquisitor-selvala @brownle-22 @myfandomlife-blog @markusstraya @adeleoctobre @vajeenparty @sexyvixen7  @love-nakamura  @buckitybarnes @littledeadrottinghood @pinkisokay @jsmith509 @brownlee-22 @angieptt  @thosesexytexasboys @liveonce-sodoitright @tarastudiesalot @spnrvt @dahkness @dilaila95 @rororo06 @mizzzpink @release-the-cathyrchkn @thefridgeismybestie  @fairislesheets​ @strangersstranger​ @life-wanderer​​ @uuuuuuuuggggghhh​​ @curiositykilledthepepe

[pepperjackwriting]

Make it All Ok (Steve Rogers)

Chapters: [Steve Rogers] [???] 

Summary: Set before Age of Ultron. After a grueling mission, [Y/N] returns home with the group exhausted and emotionally downtrodden after feeling as if the mission had not only gone bad but their 2 year anniversary was forgotten. However, the special occasion is not so forgotten.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Word Count: 1472

Group Perspective

The mission had been difficult for everyone sitting in the ‘family room’ of the Stark Tower. They’d returned to this room almost an hour ago after changing out of their uniforms, but nobody had moved from the spot they’d plopped down onto. It just seemed too difficult to get up and move about after all they’d seen. They’d been making small talk, not saying much of substance for a little while now. Stark was loud as ever but everyone could tell he was saying less than he usually does. Steve was leaned back, deep in thought. Banner was uncomfortably looking for the right moment to leave but never finding just the right second, thus continuing the cycle of awkward small talk. Thor was eyeing Mjolnir on the table silently. [Y/N] was first to rise after a long while of sitting in the room.”I’m going to go take a shower and probably just...watch a movie in my room or something.” [Y/N] says, moving towards the elevator. As the doors slid shut, a majority of the eyes moves to Steve Rogers.

“Well? Did you put anything up there for them?” Rhodes asks him, his eyebrows raising as to say ‘you better have’. “I agree, this is kind of an important thing. Don’t want them to feel like you forgot your two year anniversary, would you?.” Natasha comments, half joking and half warning Steve. “Come on guys, I have this handled.” Steve says with a chuckle as Tony gets up and moves to go make some coffee. “I think Capsicle is right! He’s got this super handled. And you know what else? I think whatever antique little token of love he left up there will make their whole evening.” he said sarcastically. Steve gets the smallest hint of worry on his face and Sam steps in. “Come on, Tony, cut the man a break. He’s been doing good for himself, let’s give him some peace of mind.” Sam says, smiling over at Steve. 

Suddenly, Jarvis pipes up from overhead speakers. “Mr.Rogers, as requested I am here to tell you that they are opening their gift. All other arrangements are already prepared.” There was a hush that fell over the room, everyone glancing over to Steve who got to his feet hurriedly. “I’m sure it’s good news!” Sam calls after him, trying to ease his nerves. “Go get em, tiger!” Stark yells over him, saluting sarcastically. Everyone else simply watched him go towards the elevator, board, and then disappear as the doors closed.

[Y/N] Perspective

The last thing [Y/N] wanted to do this evening was sit around after a disaster of a mission and make small talk with the other Avengers. They adored their company but something about this evening just felt so off. Maybe it was the bruise on their side they’d received dropping out the window onto some rocks.Perhaps it was the fact that despite all their training their boyfriend of two years had to swoop in and save her, shield in hand and worry in his eyes. Or maybe…just maybe...it was the fact that it seemed that beyond a shadow of a doubt their two year anniversary was completely forgotten. Regardless, they took the initiative and stood up. “I’m going to go take a shower and probably just...watch a movie in my room or something.” [Y/N] says, sighing and heading for the elevator. They could have sworn just as the elevator doors were closing the rest of the way that everyone looked at Steve…

The doors opening and [Y/N] walks down the hall a ways to their little home in the tower. It was a cozy little two bedroom style space Tony had set them up with after they’d joined and Tony has seen their living space at the time. They open the door and go in, their surroundings a haze as they walk to the bathroom and go to take a shower. They hoped they’d all go off to their rooms soon. Missions that required everyone always took a toll on everyone’s heart. And it seemed they were no different...They let the hot water clean off the grime of battle, making sure to avoid the bruised spot, and gets out after a while clean and feeling fresh. 

Putting on the [F/C] robe and using a towel to dry their [H/C], and walked out into their bedroom, a massive sprawling sleeping area that was almost too big for them. They were stopped in their tracks by what they saw. Laying on the foot of the bed was the biggest bouquet of scarlet roses that they had ever seen next to a sizable box of what could only be assumed was chocolates, the company being one from Brooklyn. There was a little cream colored envelope with [Y/N]’s name written on it in the prettiest cursive they’d ever seen laying atop the box. [Y/N] picked it up and turned it over, revealing a wax seal decorated with a small rose. Using a finger, [Y/N] pops the seal and pulls out the letter within.

“Hello my dearest [Y/N]

It’s probably odd for someone to be sending letter nowadays with all the new ways to communicate in this day in age. I have to say though, writing letters truly is the romantic option. I know you like this sort of thing and I promise I had no intention of forgetting our anniversary. Time does sometimes get away from me but you can’t blame me for being a little forgetful after I spent so long trapped without a sense of anything. But I knew the second I saw your [E/C] eyes and the way you took control on the battlefield that I had to at the very least have coffee with you. You were the one who finally broke me of my bad habits.

You’ve only become more beautiful as we’ve been together, [Y/N]. You’re edges have softened a little and you’ve helped me worry a little less than I usually do. Trust me when I say Sam has very much appreciated that. You were the bird that roosted in my heart, making it feel warmer than it has in a long time. We’ve made so many memories. I want to make a million more with you, [Y/N]. I want to take you dancing sometime. I’m sure you’d be very good at it.

With Love,

Steve Grant Rogers”

[Y/N] felt their eyes get misty as they set the letter down onto the box and they smiled under their breath. “Now don’t go crying on me.” says a warm voice from behind them. Jump and giving a light gasp, they spun around and were met with the ocean blue eyes of Steve Rogers leaning in the doorway. He’s dressed in the most sharp looking navy suit and vest, so dark it was almost black. His tie was the same color as the suit, juxtaposed by the crisp white shirt underneath the suit and vest. His brown shoes clicked on the floor as he came in all the way. He looked dressed to impress

His smile was tender and soft, his hand coming up under [Y/N]’s chin. He turns his hand, the thumb wiping the single tear from the corner of [Y/N]’s eye. “Hey there, sweetheart.” he says, his deep voice resonating in the air and making [Y/N]’s heart quiver in their chest. “H-hi.” they reply back, gazing deep into his baby blues. “I wanted to write more...but I decided just to tell you in person. I’ve got us some dinner plans if you’re not too tired.” he says with that smile that drive’s [Y/N] wild. He steps forward, [Y/N] stepping back and sitting down on the foot of the bed. His hand cradles their head still, so kind and compassionate. 

He leans in bit by bit, eyes shut as he pressed his lips tenderly to [Y/N]’s. He smells even more handsome than usual, the kiss sending shivers up their back three times over. He leaned back only a bit, resting his forehead on theirs with a smile and a chuckle, eyes still shut. He was close enough to where [Y/N] could feel his breath as he spoke. “All these years and you still get goosebumps when we kiss.” he breathed. “How could I not?” [Y/N] replies somehow, their chest alight like a drum line. As much as he’d try to hide it, his cheeks get the lightest dusting of pink as he blushes. He gives their head another kiss and stands back up straight. “Let’s get you dressed and ready for our romantic evening.” he says, holding out a strong hand to help them stand.

[ineffablecolors]

Contrary to Popular Belief [1/1]

I forgot my Word doc at work yesterday so... a belated Valentine's Day CS. 

Contrary to Popular Belief; ~ 3k words; FF.NET || AO3

Emma and Killian are... well, he is not really sure what they are. "Courting" seems to have gone out of fashion as a term. Post-3A, except they defeated Pan's curse and stayed in Storybrooke.

Contrary to popular belief, Captain Hook rarely lurks and he certainly doesn’t eavesdrop if he can help it.

Which he really can’t when coming out of the lavatory at Granny’s. Swan and the wolf girl are the only ones left in the whole dinner, their conversation echoing slightly in the empty place, while Emma waits for him so they can leave.

Ah, yes, that. Killian has almost started to feel the bounce in his own step the last month or so. Ever since Emma resolutely decided that no reconciliation, past the one necessary to share the parenting of the young lad, would be occurring between her and Baelfire. Well, perhaps since a week or so after that actually, when she also decided that he was finally “out of the dog house” for sharing in the nefarious practice of “making decisions for her”.

“Just don’t mention it to Hook, ok?”

It’s involuntary really, the way his ears perk up when he hears her voice shaping his name.

“I think he is bound to notice all the pink and the hearts and the whatnot. Granny is putting out a 2 for 1 Valentine’s special.”

Emma groans and Killian wonders why on earth a Granny’s special would warrant such a reaction and why—

“Just… try to distract him from the whole “a day to celebrate the people you love” thing, ok?”

“I have one bulletproof way of distracting a man, Emma Swan, but I’m not sure you will want me to—”

He steps forward – quickly, heavily, loudly. If Emma is so desperate to keep him in the dark about what sounds like a romantic holiday, he has no wish to hear how willing she is to hand him over to another woman.

Her head whips around and she smiles – it looks genuine enough to fool him so he focuses hard on the little smudge of guilt, the slight tightness in the corner of her mouth and the tension in her shoulders.

It was always too good to be true.

“Ready to go?”

By the time he leaves her in front of her parents’ dwelling, any traces of Emma’s guilt and stiffness are gone, but so is the bounce in his step.

///

Contrary to popular belief, Captain Hook is an educated man and there are few things that he hates more than being ignorant about his surroundings.

Thus, it is not hard to imagine that living in Storybrooke has been… testing to say the least. But for the most part he has figured things out on his own and when truly stumped, Emma has always been willing to direct him, even if she takes a couple of jabs at his cluelessness while doing so.

This is obviously not a situation in which she is eager to enlighten him and he does not feel inclined to try questioning anyone, only to discover they have been instructed as Ruby. So he waits for this Valentine the way one waits for an enemy to strike – with growing agitation, restless limbs and a heavy heart.

It is not so much that Emma wouldn’t wish to spend such a day with him – he could understand that. It has been mere weeks since they started sharing morning and evening beverages at Granny’s counter, taking the long way by the docks on the way to her parents’ home and occasionally swiveling into a little alley or stumbling onto the Jolly for a “heavy make out session” as Emma explained their more amorous activities should be dubbed. If you ask Killian, it’s courting through and through. Rather brazen and speedy courting, as a matter of fact.

But speedy or not, he never expected winning Emma Swan’s heart to be anything but the work of a lifetime and he is more than willing to put in the time. So it is not her unwillingness to display her affections that grates on him. It is her unwillingness, perhaps even fear, at having him display his own on a day apparently meant exactly for such displays.

Alas, he cannot see another move but waiting for the day to arrive and pass. Well, that is not entirely true. He has considered a whole array of other moves but all of them hold the very real possibility of putting him back “in the dog house”.

So Killian waits. And then a couple of days later he walks down main street and the hearts Ruby mentioned seem to have finally appeared. The harbinger of romance. And apparently Emma Swan’s reluctance to engage in it. He keeps his face carefully impassive and his comments deliberately short and offhanded as he makes conversation with Granny and then with Emma for a few minutes before she has to head to the station. If he notices their slightly confused looks, he chooses to ignore them. If denial is what Emma wants instead of romance, denial she shall have. She has some arrangement in the evening and he deliberately doesn’t pry even if his mind is all too quick to conjure up the numerous things that she might be occupying this evening dedicated to romance with. None of them involve him, apparently.

Killian thinks he handles it rather well. Half a bottle, taking the Jolly out for a couple of hours and being safely back in the Storybrooke harbor long before sunrise, ready to face the reality of whether Emma will come into Granny’s in a few hours to share breakfast with him or someone else.

Of course, he’d assumed that will be it. So when the hearts and roses and banners featuring the word “love” seem to have only multiplied on his walk back into the heart of town, he is reminded once again that there is much he has to learn about the Land Without Magic.

But Emma does come in to have breakfast with him and he is much too tired and ruffled to hold on to his irritation when she jokes that he looks like he needs the whole pot of coffee today and then puts her hand on his arm and drops her teasing, asking if he is okay.

In that moment he decides to let it go. Well, he decides to at least not hold it against her the way he senses he has been the last few days. Still on the third day of red and pink everywhere, he starts to get irritated for a whole different reason. How stupid does she think he is to not notice all this? It’s absurd for him to not make any comment on it all so when he joins her for her afternoon patrol that day he casually drops in the town’s new colour scheme.

“Oh, umm, yeah, it’s… it’s this silly thing they do here.”

“They”, not “we”. He will usually indulge his curiosity and ask her further questions about the traditions of her land but—

“I have to pick up Henry in a bit.”

“I can walk you and then retire to the Jolly.”

He knows better than to wait with her for the lad. Henry is still understandably disappointed that his parents are not getting back together and he appreciates that Emma made it abundantly clear that wouldn’t have been the case with or without the pirate ship docked in the harbor but he does not wish to press his luck with the boy. He awarded him the title “kinda cool” a week ago and Killian thinks this is quite the progress already.

“Great. I’ll stop by after dinner?”

He blinks at her a few times. After dinner sounded late. So far they have restricted themselves to moonlit strolls at such hours of the night. He swallows at the thought of Emma boarding the Jolly at night.

“’Course, you know you’re always welcome, love,” he coughs and tries to regain his footing, voice dropping and eyebrows rising. “Should I prepare for your visit in any way?”

Predictably, Emma rolls her eyes and shoots him her best unimpressed look. There is something in it though—

“Just make sure you have your pants on, we’ll be going somewhere else.”

He doesn’t sputter. He is Captain Hook, he doesn’t loose control of his motor skills over a woman referring to his undergarments.

///

„Let’s go.”

“Don’t you wish to have a drink first, Swan?”

She seems to contemplate the bottle in his hand with careful deliberation.

“We can take it with us. Come on.”

He hasn’t seen Emma so single-minded since they left Neverland. Of course, then her focus was razor sharp with a heavy undercurrent of desperation and rage. Now it’s like energy incapable of being contained, a strong sense of eagerness and impatience and only the slightest nervousness to it.

He much prefers this.

“Are you kidnapping me, love?”

The lights are getting fewer and they are definitely on the edge of town now. He makes a confident move for her hand, one that he hasn’t felt like making in the last few days. Her palm is surprisingly warm against his, if a little clammy. She spreads her fingers wide so he can fit his bigger ones in between them and Killian very purposefully lags half a step behind her, his shoulder nudging her shoulder blade, his body almost bumping into hers.

She laughs.

“Is this the pirate equivalent of “Are we there yet?””

“This is the equivalent of “Where even is there?””

She blatantly avoids his question.

“Hm, if I were to kidnap you – what then?”

“Why, I should hope that you will have your wicked way with me. And seeing as there won’t be anyone to random me, I shall remain in your clutches for a long, long time.”

His last few words are little more than warm exhales against the little skin exposed by her scarf and somehow Emma manages to march on and squirm at the same time. He still doesn’t miss the little hitch in her breathing or the way her hand tightens around his almost painfully.

“Here.”

Killian looks up, jarred out of his thoughts and… well, if he has to be honest, disappointed by the sight before him. It is a completely ordinary building for this realm, a few stores smaller than the one she lives in. Honestly, he thinks they should’ve stayed on the Jolly.

“Come on.”

Emma tugs him towards the entrance and then up the stairs with more of that impatience and single-mindedness. Then she comes to a very sudden halt on the third floor. He bumps into her shoulder – this time not on purpose – and almost topples back down the stairs.

“Swan?”

She whirls around and he moves a step away from the stairs to prevent any more losses of balance since Emma seems to be all about sudden movements tonight. Her cheeks and nose are pink from the cold air outside and her hair is a little wild under her beanie – she obviously curled it today but the wind has made sure that random strands and hairs are flying everywhere.

“So, umm… shit,” she looks around as if she has forgotten what they came here for. “I thought it would be a good idea to combine the two but now I have to explain and ugh.”

The excitement is gradually mutating into frustration and he decides to take matters into his own hands.

“You don’t have to explain, love, just do what you planned to.”

“I was just going to let you in but—“

“So just let me in.”

If there is a certain heaviness to his words, a promise and a plea tucked somewhere in those four words – well. Emma’s eyes rove over his face and he hitches up one eyebrow and one corner of his mouth and tries to introduce some levity to it all. Her eyes sparkle in a way that he finds very hard to resist but before he can lean in, she nods to herself and turns around.

He doesn’t really start analyzing the situation until he steps into the apartment Emma unlocks. He has been much too busy delighting in the closeness of tonight after days of doubt to think about what tonight might entail.

By the looks of it, some magical ritual.

“Swan… are you sure you shouldn’t have Regina here instead?”

Her face does something that he has previously only seem on the faces of children when faced with the most slimy of sea creatures.

“What?”

Her tone suggests much the same disbelief and mild nausea at such an offering.

“For whatever spell this is?”

He frowns and looks around the room. It is mostly bare. There is a fireplace and some pillows and blankets before it but otherwise all the space seems to have been cleared out in preparation for some ritual. There are candles everywhere.

“Oh. See, I told you I should’ve explained first.”

He shakes his head.

“If you need my help for a spell, Swan, I’d be willing to assist you of course, I just—”

“No, no. Shhh,” Emma moves closer and suddenly her palm is obscuring his whole mouth – his mouth quirks up behind it and he can’t resist the slight press of his lips against her flesh – her lips purse in something that is obviously not displeasure. “We’re not doing any spells, pirate.”

He is relieved he must say. He would’ve trusted and helped Emma with any magic but he can’t deny that he was slightly vexed at the turn the evening had taken.

“Didn’t you guys ever light a whole bunch of candles to set the mood in the Enchanted Forest?”

His eyebrow rises – part in surprise at the suggestion and part to indicate that he is still prohibited to speak. Emma removes her palm with slight reluctance and an expectant expression of her own.

“Darling, candles are rather expensive in quite a few places and when everything is made of wood – often enchanted wood at that – a blazing fire is not exactly the best way to– How did you put it? Set the mood.”

“Oh.”

“However, surely you know that whenever you are around my mood is always—”

“It’s Valentine’s Day.”

The thought had drifted so far into the back of his mind that he almost jolts at her proclamation.

“And I’ve never— I mean I’m not much into the hearts and roses, it’s… it’s a bit much but I thought – candles. Candles are a nice touch. And wine. There is wine in the fridge. I have a fridge. Not much else in the way of furniture though and now I totally see why you thought I was gonna be sacrificing virgins in here or—”

His laughter is loud in the semi-empty, candle-lit room.

“Swan, I can assure you I will not be of any use to you for any virgin sacrifices, nor did the thought cross my mind.”

“Whatever. You know what I mean.”

“I think you mean to tell me that this place is yours?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I signed the lease the other day.”

“And all this…”

“I… I don’t know. I thought I’d combine the holiday and showing you the place and yeah.”

“You mean this Valentine’s holiday.”

“Um, yeah.”

“The one you didn’t want me to know about?”

Emma’s eyes widen a little.

“I may have… overhead.”

“That’s why you weren’t being all nosy about it!”

“Nosy? I—”

“Yeah, I didn’t really want you knowing all about it before.”

He gives her a brisk nod and looks down at his boots. They are standing very close and he can see the tips of hers as well.

“Swan, I want you to know that you are under no obligation to celebrate this with me just because we’re…”

He looks up at her and waves his fingers between them. Courting seems to have gone out of fashion but he doesn’t know how to work “make out sessions” in his sentence and Emma is frowning at him and—

“I mean, that’s kinda the point? You celebrate it with the person you’re dating.”

Dating. He turns the word around in his mind a few times and then files it away. They are dating. And yet.

“But you did not wish me to know about it.”

She frowns again. Then her face seems to clear and her mouth shapes into an almost perfect “o”.

“Oh, no. Well, yes, but not— I didn’t want you to know ‘cause I knew you’d do a thing and I wanted to do a thing so…”

“This thing?”

He looks around yet again and finally let’s himself see the setting for what it is – atmospheric, cozy, romantic.

“I mean, I know it’s not much of anything but—”

He cuts her off with a kiss.

///

It’s much later, when they have finished the wine and moved on to the bottle of rum they brought and their “make out sessions” have apparently progressed to “third base” and Emma is being terribly amused by his questions about “fourth base”, when Killian realizes something.

“Did you leave those candles burning while we were walking here?”

Her eyes widen a little and he is not sure if it’s alarm at the realization or shock at his tone.

“Jeez, relax. No, I lit them when we got to the building.”

“With magic?”

She nods hesitantly but he doesn’t restrain his grin.

“You’re getting really good at that, Swan.”

“What? Lighting candles? That’s like Magic 101.”

“Still.”

He lifts her hand up with his hook and kisses her fingertips and he swears he can almost feel the hum and warmth of her magic under the skin. She looks like she is about to protest but then sighs and relaxes further into him.

“So, this Valentine’s Day. Now that I know all about it, am I allowed to do “a thing” next year?”

He keeps his voice deliberately casual but the implication is loud and illuminated by the calmly crackling fire. Her eyes are very green under this light as well. They narrow in a way that tells him she knows exactly what he is pulling but her words are more reassurance than reprimand.

“Sure, you can do a thing next year.”

Contrary to popular belief, it seems Emma Swan is a romantic. Contrary to popular belief, she apparently wants to be romantic with him.

For more: MY FANFICS   MY BOOK   MY BLOG

[junhee-moved]

TBAA in Budapest~

(((that’s the only photo I took)))

So I guess I promised to make a post of my experience about the a.c.e concert  in Budapest. This is gonna be very~ long so I understand if you don’t wanna read it dfghjkl the rest is under the cut (though I’m not sure if it’ll show on mobile). Highlights, favourite moments, hi-touch, summary of the members will be at the second half of the post so scroll down if you’re only curious about those.

First of all thank you to my two friends who were with me and a huge uwu to @salty-hun whom I’ve been friends with for more than a year and finally we were able to meet :’)))) I love you Vivi!!

Well the organization from the hungarian side was kind of a mess, basically they had no idea about the top10 existing (me and my friends were all in the top10 + 1, like the top10 got two vip tickets for free). So we were waiting about two hours to get information of what we were supposed to do. It was still a mess but in the end we figured it out. The korean staff were angels tbh. Some fans also didn’t know how to behave but oh well (the security were so done with us lmao). But some foreigner fans were giving out photocards which was so sweet :’)))

We were let into the venue around 7pm and I was in a shock. Like, dude I’m in the first!!! row!!! + there were extended parts of the stage both on the left and right side and in the middle. And the extended part of the stage from the left was IN. FRONT. OF. ME. My body was aching by the time the concert started but oh boy it was worth it!

Also there was a door behind the stage which was opened and everyone was looking whether a member would appear. And then Sehyoon was there and waved to us and then the staff closed the door :’DDD

I’m not sure whether you’re curios about the performances but I’ll try to say a little about them. They started with a video then an intro, then cactus and callin’ and then they introduced themselves. Jun and Byeongkwan said hello in hungarian with an A+++ accent, I was surprised :o Then they talked a bit about Hungary (Jun said he’d wanted to visit Budapest since he was 16 and none of the members knew about it. And they were really amazed by the hungarian sky lmao and then they said the sight in front of their eyes - the fans were more beautiful. They cringed so hard).

Then we had a screaming contest. Byeongkwan was on the right, Sehyoon in the middle and Junhee on the left (on the extended stage, in front of me. I died). And these parts of the audience had to scream. The middle (Sehyoon) part was the loudest.

Ugh, I’m honestly not sure about the order of the performances asdfghj I’ll say whatever I remember (god this post is a mess already, I’m so sorry).

I think Donghun and Chan performed All of me next and holy shit!!! Their vocals!!! are amazing!!! I might be (probably) biased but I fell in love with Chan’s voice.

Then we had the Taeyang dance covers. They. didn’t. have. to. go. that. hard. They’re all soooo great dancers!! But again, I might be biased but Jun totally caught my eye. Like he has such a strong stage presence and his facial expressions ooooof.

Then the Flashlight cover!!!! I waited for this performance the most. The whole atmosphere of this performance was magical.

I’m lost, I don’t think this was the order of the performances. We’ve also had a short stage of Donghun, Byeongkwan and Chan singing small parts of 3 songs. Chan was singing Miracles of December. them. honey. vocals. holy. cow. I’m not sure about what the other two sang but man, they were awesome!

Also a short stage of Chan singing Dessert, Black and Blue and Take Me Higher! This boyyyy!!!!

Then there was Black and Blue by Jun and Sehyoon. Let me tell you. My soul left my body. I was so not prepared to see this right in front of my eyes.

Then Dessert ot5 version + a little fanservice uwu. They also blessed our eyes with Take Me Higher ot5 version.

There was a short break when they announced a few winners from vip and ga/balcony (the prizes were signed posters and polaroids). We’ve all had our numbers on our wristbands and each member selected 2 winners. My number was 17 (vip) and they said vip 77, 7, balcony 17, so they really liked the number 7 but not me :’DDDD 

I feel so lucky, Youngblood - both slapped us in the face. Again, their voices were so on point!!

Near the end ment - I have to talk about it in the ‘my fave parts’ of this post.

They’ve also performed See you again + Make it nasty + the zombie dance. I kinda went blind during these performances, the lights were very strong. But I’m pretty sure I watched the whole with my mouth open because - again, amazing, wonderful, superb, jaw-dropping!!

BTS covers, Bigbang covers - you should know that Park Junhee is anything but a good boy *cough*

Finally we had the group photo, 5tar and Take me higher as the encore. More about it in ‘my fave parts’.

HIGHLIGHTS, MY FAVE PARTS

the way Junhee said ‘szia’

Junhee choking on smoke

Junhee saying he was so looking forward to the tour because Budapest was in there

Chan missing his pocket while trying to put his hand in it and donghun laughing at him

them saying the audience is more beautiful then the sky

Chan being a super-duper-hyper-playful baby and the others loving him to bits

Sehyoon’s overdramatic reaction during the screaming contest

Seyhoon nunchaku-ing(??? lmfao how to say this) with his towel

Donghun coughing in the mic in the middle of singing and the others making fun of him

Donghun starting to sing Do you wanna build a snowman when Chan said he’s gonna sing a winter song

the fans turning on their flashlights during the performance

them pointing out fans who didn’t turn on their flashlights

BLACK. AND. BLUE.

ZOMBIE. DANCE.

flashing their abs during Make it nasty like there’s no tomorrow

Junhee’s twerking

Donghun being hype

Donghun high five-ing the crowd during Dessert

Chan’s sulking when Jun said there’s one missing part in Take me higher (aka Chan)

Junhee saying Chan is gonna leave the stage if we’re not energetic enough and Chan protesting

Donghun expecting fans to finish the lyrics of Take me higher then making a face when we didn’t know the lyrics

them telling us to dance if we feel like (insert hyungwon mantis-dance-like moves)

Chan telling the fans not to cry

A.C.E loving their maknae

Junhee being 90% of the time on the left side of the extended stage. in front. of. me.

Just them being constatóntly on the extended parts of the stage.

Junhee being an awesome speaker

Jun high five-ing me in the end of the encore

Donghun taking my banner. He gave it back in the end of 5tar and thanked me.

Sehyoon collecting banners.

Sehyoon taking my friend’s banner and not giving it back to her. rip.

Chan telling us to scream during the group photo but to make a pretty face

Chan telling us to scream during the panorama picture (I can’t explain this, it was funny)

me being barely visible in the group photo

my friends not being visible in the group photo rip

Byeongkwan’s dancing

the ment. Sehyoon talking about how he had to go to the hospital for the first time in a foreign country and how he had trouble communicating and accidentally ended up at the emergency. He told us that he was sent to another hospital where the doctor took him to a pharmacy and bought Sehyoon the medicine he needed. Yeah this was the time I started crying like a baby.

Byeongkwan telling us he wasn’t feeling too good and he will need some of Sehyoon’s medicine.

the translator buffering for a second and Byeongkwan making a what’s-going-on face

the surprise video from us. Jun and Chan got so emotional

Byeongkwan’s new name is BK. Donghun’s is DH. They were calling each other like that lol also Wow introduced himself as King Wow

Wowkwan.

them loving the banners

the whole 5tar and encore Take me higher performance. They were singing and dancing in front of us, waving, high five-ing and shit. Fanserbice on point.

them mentioning about the special project and filming the fans

them wanting to come back 

them being the most humble human beings ever

the translator was awesome

we could hear the members talking, the fans were very respectful

the fans were also respecting each other during the concert

ABOUT THE MEMBERS

Junhee - so charismatic!! like I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. His stage presence is no joke! He was really having a fun time. He interacted a lot with the fans. He was rude af. A natural leader. His smile!!!!!! Dimples!!! His hands are indeed smol lol His hyserical laugh is amazing! So are his dimples (again). The concert proved me that black haired Jun is superior!

Donghun - his vocals holy heaven!! He was really energetic and smiley the whole time. His hair was so floofy! He also interacted a lot with the fans. He was kinda in his own world with Chan, like these two together were having fun lol I died a little when he took my banner and then said thank you. Bodyrolls.

Sehyoon - his dancing!! beautiful!! So is his smile! He wasn’t talking a lot, maybe because he wasn’t feeling too well or was just shy. But he was really adorable while communicating with the audience. He collected banners lmao he was so extra at times. Very humble. I loved his hair.

Byeongkwan - he wasn’t too much at the left side of the stage :( and he seemed kinda quiet and tired. I hope he gets well soon. But he’s an awesome performer! Very powerful. He and Sehyoon had fun while collecting and examining the banners. He was trying to include everyone when he was filming the crowd.

Chan - oh! my! god! The cutest person! Like he was having such a great time! He was just randomly dancing around all the time. Him and Donghun tho haha His voice is the most beautiful thing ever. His laugh! A literal sunshine! He got kinda emotional during the surprise video. All the members treasure him.

OT5 - their chemistry!!! They genuinely seemed like they were having the time of their lives. They were so silly and cute and funny, and they loved the audience! Honestly, I don’t think they’re THAT short. They’re average. They were rude at times too. I’ve heard a lot that they’re more beautiful irl but I wasn’t sure how that works but boy!!!! They are stunning!!! Their skin?? Drop your skincare routine pls!! Ethereal beings.

HI TOUCH

IT’S A BLUR!!! It was too short and the room was pretty dark too. Also they were seated so I couldn’t really tell how tall they are lol + I only had time to say a short thank you to all of them.

Chan was the first. He was so cheerful and loud, like I couldn’t even see him yet but I heard him shouting THANK YOU!! He was all smiley and cute and his hand was quite big and soft :’)))

Donghun was the second, he was also very smiley and sweet :’))

I’m not sure if Byeongkwan or Sehyoon was the next. I think it was Byeongkwan. He looked really tired :(

Sehyoon had that beautiful smile on his face. My heart? Melted.

Jun was the last, he looked super tired :((( Like he didn’t even look at us, he just seemed like he wanted to be done with the hi touch asap

Overall

I had an awesome time! I can’t believe I saw them live and they’re actually real people. It all feels like a dream. They’re very kind, humble people who love us so much! I love them too :’))))))) I laughed a lot and cried like a baby. No regrets (Jun said to do everything we want so we wouldn’t have any regrets later). Can’t wait to see them again. Oh yeah, my bias is indeed Jun (or Chan rip)

Okayyyy this is very long and messy and I’m embarassed to post it, I’m so so sorry :(((

[fanficwriter013]

The Ties That Bind (Part 11/11)

Pairing: Clint Barton x Reader

Summary: Clint makes it his mission to win you over. He succeeds, but you don’t believe in marriage. Can the two of you stay together without the promise of wedding bells in the future? What about when the two of you are forced to go undercover as a married couple?

Word Count: 1615

Warnings: Civil War spoilers, sarcasm, it gets real dark and real angsty. Platonic Tony/Rhodey feels

Author’s Note: The end, and this is all for Kate, @emilyevanston She loves birbs.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 /

It’d taken most of the ride to the drop point for you to convince Clint that you’d be okay going in by yourself. He was reluctant to leave you alone so soon after you had finally been able to communicate again. Especially when he knew that you’d been having some a hard time in your own isolated cell.

“You're not going to lose me, I promise.” You tell him, as you sign ‘I love you.’ He quickly signs it back, before pulling you into him for a deep kiss.

“We're at the drop zone,” Steve calls back, and you separate from Clint. You grab the flying squirrel pack that you're going to use for your jump.

“To be continued.” You say slowly and deliberately so Clint can read your lips, as you sign ‘I love you’ to him again. You turn quickly and run off the end of the deck. It took some fun maneuvering around trees to land just outside detection by Vision. The rest of this was up to you.

You skirted around the outside of the bubble that you knew Vision was able to detect. You needed to get down into the tunnels, but the clock would start ticking the second you got inside. The air was still and quiet until the leaves started to rustle. You turned and found yourself face to mask, with Iron Man.

“Tony, are you in there? I could really use to talk to you. Right here, right now.” You say, and the face mask peels away so you can talk to Tony.

“First, how's Rhodes doing?” You ask, shifting your weight on your feet. Tony shakes his head.

“Cut the crap, (Y/N). Why are you here and why shouldn't I turn you back over to the Raft, right now?” Tony snaps at you, and you'd been pretty prepared for that.

“For one, because of the absolute arcane torture, they were putting me through with that paraplegic treatment they had me under. You should know better than anyone at this current moment how fucking crappy that feels. How helpless you are.

Then we have the matter of this mess. The Avengers are a family. And a Zemo was able to come between us, with a few words and carefully conducted bombings.” Tony starts to open his mouth to argue with you but you cut him off.

“I'm not finished. Yes, Steve is partially at fault for this. But so are you, sweetie. The Avengers are a gray area. And the two of you made this about absolutes. Did you read the accords? Because there was so messed up shit in there.

Like you know how on the Raft, they wanted to take my L1. It was a condition in the accords. I would have had to have signed them and come back had I wanted to keep the use of my legs. Did you catch that one?” You ask, and you can see that you're getting somewhere.

“I'd be missing a vertebra, Tony. The normal hospitals can't deal with that sci-fi shit. Do you know where'd the leave me? In a medically induced coma, until the common folks science could catch up. You wanna talk about bullshit. Do you know what that would have done to Clint? You had better because you're feeling it right now, with an awake and hopefully recovering Rhodey.

Now, what about the twins. They wanted to have Wanda registered as a weapon of mass destruction. Wanted to have her put in some sort of shock collar like she had at the Raft. Sweet little innocent Wanda.

And Pietro, I know the two of you were still working towards forgiveness. But Pietro saved my life, and they wanted to put him in special concrete shoes that were literally sewn into his feet. They didn't go that far on the Raft, but he was pretty much restrained the same as me. Just with an added electrical current to suppress his powers.

Those Accords were a shitshow, Tony. Come on, you have to see it. Let us come home. Work on rebuilding our family again.” Sure it wasn't exactly a well planned out speech. But it'd do better than nothing. Tony quirks an eyebrow at you.

“Oh, are you done now?” He asks, and you suppose that you deserved that reaction. Instead of saying anything, you just nod.

“First off, not my Accords. I can't just let you come back especially after the shit you guys just pulled on the Raft.

Second off, do you know what your Captain and his best old buddy did? What they knew and didn't tell me? He killed them. Obadiah almost killed me because of him.” It's clear that Tony is emotional. You knew that you would be too. But there's another way to look at this.

“Okay, Tones. Let me start by saying that I'm sorry for your loss. I know that finding this out restarts the stages of grief, and it can't be easy on top of everything else.

But, why don't we look at this from another angle? You remember how angry you were when you realized that Obadiah had been manipulating you. You changed your whole company after that.

Now, you've got Bucky. He's been ‘saved' by HYDRA after falling from a train. They immediately start working on manipulating him, using the fact that they had saved his life for their own sick and twisted agenda.

He was made into a weapon. He's trying to find himself again. Shouldn't you try and give him a second chance? Just like you deserved to be given a second chance.

And yes, I understand we're fugitives and shit. But this is Ross. The very same Ross that would have killed Banner years ago, had he gotten his way.

So, I do understand if you can't just invite us back. But, try and open your heart at least.” You finish, you'd been watching Tony's face, and you could see the exact moment when he realized what you were saying. The sickening realization that swept over his face for the briefest of moments, before he made his face blank.

“You're right. Savor that, I don't admit to those things often. And I do want to stick it to Ross, but I can't let you guys come back.” Tony says, and you give him a sad smile.

“I understand, give Rhodey my best.” You say, turning to take off.

“Can you tell them that I'm sorry. Maybe coming from you they'll believe it more.” Tony says, and you nod.

“Of course, take care of yourself. Call us if you need us.” You say, and take off running through the trees.

When you got to the pick-up point, you weren't alone. You were tired, your legs and back hurt. Your lungs had protested the lazy pace you'd done for the two-mile run. You just wanted to put your feet up, and wait for the boys to come pick you back up. But you couldn't because you were being watched.

You silently crept around the perimeter, not finding anyone. You kept your senses on high alert, as you pushed the door open and went into the tiny one-room cottage. You caught a glimpse of a back out of the corner of your eye and moved to attack before you stopped.

“Clint?! What are you doing here? I was going to take you down.” You sign to him, and he quickly apologizes. Tapping his ears to let you know his has hearing aids in. He grabs your wrist and pulls you into him.

“Don't ever scare me like that again, you idiot.” You tell him, as you pretty much collapse into his arms.

“It's so good to hear your voice again. Even if you did just call me an idiot.” He says, sweeping you off your feet. In a couple of steps, he's set you down on the bed.

“But you're my idiot. I married you, remember.” You tease, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down to you.

“That was probably a stupid decision really.” Clint jokes, as he carefully crawls into the bed behind you.

“Can we just - Okay bear with me for a moment here. We just got off the Raft, you just got your ears back, and I just got my feet back. I missed you. I missed everything. So can we just stay here for a bit all tangled together so I know this is real, and not just a dream.” You admit softly. Sure you'd been retired for the better part of a year, but the hardwired need to be strong and made of steel all the time was still there.

“Hey, look at me. We're safe, we're here. We're on the run, but you're never going to lose me. We're married, remember?” Clint says as he rolls you to face him. He runs his hands down over your back, as your legs become intertwined. You press your face into his neck and just breath in the scent of your archer.

You were woken up by a large hand, shaking you. Your eyes finally train in on Steve, and you work to untangle yourself from your archer.

“Sorry, Cap. It didn't quite work as I had planned it to. Tony sends his apologies, though.” You say, moving to sit up. Your back is sore, and your legs are a little wobbly as you stand up.

“It's alright, (Y/N). I didn't expect to be able to go home. This'll just be the end of the line for a little bit.” Steve says as the three of you head out for the quinjet. Wakanda would just have to be your home for now.

[that-sokovian-bastard]

Mortal Immortal (3/31) - August 3 - Avengers x Reader

Words: 1262 Pairing: Avengers x (f)Reader Characters: Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Pietro Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff, Bruce Banner, Thor Warnings: dudes there was probably swearing Chapter Summary: Saying goodbye again to Steve and Sam makes for a tiring breakfast. Now it's Wanda's turn for some training. That is, until, FRIDAY calls everyone to the lab with an urgent announcement. Author's Note: it's getting more action-y!!!

Mortal Immortal Masterlist / Full Masterlist

Ao3 / Wattpad Links

---

Thursday's were the days that gave you hope about getting through the week, but also a day that made everything drag on because it wasn't the weekend yet. Yes, a superhero's job never stops, but you also work hand-in-hand with the government many months out of the year thanks to your powers. They trust you and you are the most powerful on the Avengers, so it is your job to create reports and report problems that could be going on, and the days off from that are the weekends.

But trudging out of the living room, from the previous movie night, in your best and most stylish pajamas and unbrushed hair, you met part of your team in the kitchen for breakfast. "Morning my most favorite people ever- and Sam," You smiled as you walked to the cupboard, receiving a joking punch from Sam when he went past you. "Love you," You whispered.

Looking to the group gathered around the table, you could tell Natasha slept terribly and Steve regretted not getting a good few hours of sleep in his own bed. Sam looked refreshed and happy that he was the one who took care of himself, and the twins and Vision were nowhere to be found. You grabbed the cereal you like and started preparing your food. "So, what's the mission?" You asked, quietly, hoping they would actually tell you.

Steve laughed. "Good try, (Y/N), but I've known you for far too long to let anything slip. It's confidential anyway, Natasha doesn't even know."

Natasha's head snapped up when she heard her name and looked with tired eyes. "I tried, he won't tell me anything," She sighed, standing up to grab a cup.

Breakfast went by quickly with barely any commentary from the group because of the tiredness. Your blinks were becoming longer and you desperately needed a nap, but you were forcing yourself to stay awake to send off Sam and Steve. After they finished eating, Steve came up behind you and patted your shoulders. "I'll be back in a few days, okay? Don't die without me!" Steve smiled and walked out with Sam, waving goodbye to you through the window.

The pair walked down to the quinjet hanger, meeting Tony and the agents to be ready for departure. Tony looked concerned, and there was no hiding it. "What's that look for?" Steve asked with a small laugh as he approached Tony.

Tony sighed and crossed his arms. "Are you sure you two want to go? I can just send some SHIELD agents to-"

"You know Steve is going to say no," Sam rolled his eyes. "Plus, we should really go, don't you want us out of your hair for a while?"

"We have to go," Steve deadpanned, not allowing Tony to get a word in. "We have a lead, and I am going to follow it. I'm not letting it get away this time. Keep the SHIELD agents here, Sam and I can handle this mission alone," Steve told him.

Tony's arms dropped to his side and he shook his head. "So be it, call if you need anything. Or find anything, for that matter," He said, watching the two board the quinjet and ensuring their gear was already on board. Steve quickly took off and they were headed to where the lead for their mission was from, leaving Tony hoping they made the right decision about this mission. "Well," He sighed to himself as the agents cleaned the hanger, "Guess I'll get back to my day job."

---

Wanda knew a lot about her powers. She didn't necessarily have more powers than Pietro, just insanely different. While Pietro has speed, and she has the power of "telekinesis plus," it seems like Pietro got the short end of the stick. However, while Wanda may have different things she can do involving actual telekinesis and causing nightmares, Pietro has different functions for his running.

But today you were focusing on helping Wanda control her powers. Things can get out of hand if she is overwhelmed or not totally sure what she is doing, and you are making it a point that she learns to better control her powers. You know how that is, though, it can be very difficult to control something so powerful and big. But that's why you would be the best to help, you understand the hardships of controlling impossible power. You learned to control your reactive evolution powers after years, but with all that you know now, you could help Wanda much quicker.

"I know you know how to move things, that's the easiest part of your powers," You started, "But we need to make sure your powers don't go overboard. Without extreme concentration and focus, all that energy contained from your telekinesis could combust and explode, causing more harm than help," You explained to her. Wanda nodded as you talked, explaining ways to work on focusing and understand all of her power.

You instructed her to do a lot of tests to help both you and her understand what needed work. She listened to everything you had to say and tried her hardest but lost all concentration when FRIDAY chimed in on every speaker in the facility to alert everyone to come to the lab. And the code for "a big problem" followed, so you and Wanda rushed as fast as you two could.

"What's going on?" Natasha called. "I was in the middle of-"

"We've been hacked," Tony sighed and looked to Bruce, who was helping him. "All of it. Everyone. Someone has all of our information, all of our connections, our research, and codes. It's like what Ultron did, hacking and locking us out, but we aren't locked out- at least not yet."

Bruce walked over to Tony's computer. "They have the power to delete everything, see everything, and lock us out, though," Bruce chimed in. "And we don't even know who the source is."

"Not of this Earth, I assume," Thor boomed. "It seems I will not be returning to Asgard until we get to the bottom of this, correct?"

Bruce shrugged. "You can do whatever you want, but if this is something bigger than just a small hacker, we may need you to stick around."

"How do we tell who it is-" Wanda was cut off by a loud screech coming from all the screens in the lab.

"Nice to formally meet you, Avengers, I am Silver Shadow," You looked where the deep voice was coming from. The screen only showed a dark, hooded figure with a hint of silver on the outfit. "I'm unlike anything you've ever seen. I'm not the puny god with a self-destructive army, I'm not a robot with a self-destruct button, and I'm not an actor paid to pretend to be a self-destructor," He spoke. "I'm a hacker, who now, thanks to the immortal, has access to a large part of the government and the biggest protectors of the world. We should save the rest for a later time," You could practically hear this smirk. "I'll see you all around," He finished quickly and all the computers shut off, unable to be turned back on.

The Avengers looked around to each other. "Bruce and I will try to...hack back in..." Tony sighed.

"I'll try to contact Steve and Sam," Natasha added.

"I have to call my connections and let them know what's going on," You groaned at the situation and turned to the other's who hadn't signed up for anything. "Make sure you're geared and ready."

@heyitskatrina @marvel-at-bucky @majbritsr @usualblogforanunsualblogger @chloesegalle003 @221bshrlocked @this-is-moonfairy  @wildberry1​ @latrombone​ @fandomtime-123 @the-trashiest-potato @the-scarlet-letter @winterssoldierrs @bands-we-love-you-sel  @chrys-1029 @iamtheonewhocares @thatweirdreadergirl @jaderz-mega-yikes @mehrmonga  @xcastawayherosx @lexbugz @allertonn@erinella2656 @supernatural-36 @bugalouie @marrvelle @captain-purpledino@erinella2656 @lovingmytelevision @pinetree111 @feelmyroarrrr@cheyennethefangirl @lovemesometimhortons @artisticgamer @messybl0g@stormyfandoms @darkangel1423 @eternalanxious @protontippens@sweetdee198 @yellow-cucumber2 @avengemenugget @umwhatandrea@thesaraaaaahpfan @illuminatithreat3 @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @theboredwriter13 @raindancer2004 @chloesegalle003  @gryffinclaw-marauder​ @beefybuffybucky​

[garamonder]

The Only Road, a Spider-Man: Homecoming Story

The Only Road

A rare breather between fighting should have been a relief for the Avengers. Instead, one small comment triggers a confrontation Peter had been avoiding for months.

2878 words // General // T for Language // Peter Parker, Tony Stark, the Avengers team

AO3, Fanfiction.net, or

Maybe the problem had been boiling beneath the surface for a while, because after one small comment the argument had escalated with terrifying speed.

In a moment where he stood watching the fabric of the Avengers being tenuously knitted back together, Peter commented, almost to himself, he might not have been so enthusiastic in Germany if he'd known T'Challa really meant to kill Barnes. The fight at the Leipzig airport had actually been kind of fun, the more so because he'd been reasonably sure they were only fighting to incapacitate. He had gotten fairly good at telling when someone was genuinely trying to kill him.

He liked T'Challa, who carried a dignity that (sometimes) sobered Peter's motormouth antics. He had said it because he, too, understood grief and the knee-jerk hate born from it. Killing Barnes would have been a stain that never left the king's soul, Peter knew, and he was inwardly grateful that he didn't end up a party to it. And the death would have been ever the chasm between the Avengers, preventing their truly reconciling.

Mr. Stark's reaction was unexpected.

"And who are you to decide that?" he said sharply, taking Peter aback.

"What?"

Stark's face plate had receded along with the imminent danger, and in the day's waning light Peter clearly saw his frown. "Just because you tapped into the fight, kid, doesn't mean you know the half of it."

Defensively, Peter raised his eyebrows and said, "Well, it would have been nice to know before I got roped in as an accessory to attempted murder."

"T'Challa's father was murdered," said Stark—did he know he was clenching his fist?—"and T'Challa retaliated."

"Barnes didn't kill his father," Peter replied incredulously. What was with him? "T'Challa would have killed an innocent man." Peter so feared taking a life that he had great pity for Barnes, whose choice in the matter had been taken away for so long.

"He is so far from innocent," said Stark.

Peter didn't get it, stepping back and feeling like he'd missed a question on the pop quiz. Why was Mr. Stark wound so tight now when it came to the sergeant? Before Germany he hadn't appeared to care personally about Barnes one way or another; his main concern had been reserved for the wayward Steve Rogers. The Winter Soldier had barely factored into his lectures. Peter didn't even know about that awesome metal arm til Barnes had thrown a fist at him.

Things had changed after he'd landed back in Queens. Something had happened in Siberia and now Stark refused to even glance in Barnes's general direction. The soldier stood there now, and the new arm he bore courtesy of T'Challa—who had tried so fiercely to kill him—shone dully in the red light. Some distance away the other Avengers had begun to look over curiously, though they were out of earshot. It should have been an idyllic scene, the group of them together with a sun setting behind them, but Peter was barely aware of them.

He didn't say anything, hoping to drop it, but Stark wasn't done. "What do you know about revenge?" There was a shake in his voice Peter had never heard before.

Did the guy really think Peter was such a kid? He flushed and said, "I know what murder is—"

"You really don't."

Glancing self-consciously at his teammates, Peter edged away from them. Bewilderment was giving way to irritation. How was the other man taking this as a personal attack? Never before had he reacted in this way to something so insignificant, and Peter had the feeling he'd stepped on a landmine meant for someone else.

Vaguely he felt the instinct to back down, to make peace, yet he couldn't help but say edgily, "Why? Do I have to be eighteen or over to know? Because this sounds like something that should go on my driver's license, next to my birth date and whether I'm an organ donor—"

"The sarcasm is not helpful right now," said Stark, he who was always sarcastic.

"Is that something else you get to decide?" muttered Peter.

Stark's eyes flashed. "There are a lot of things you don't understand about the world and this is one of them. High schoolers don't get to judge; Mock Trial Club doesn't count. Put that on your driver's license."

Peter wasn't about to trot out Uncle Ben for him. But for the first time since Tony Stark showed up on Peter's couch sitting a little too close to May Parker, Peter found himself getting genuinely mad at the billionaire.

"Something bothering you, Mr. Stark?" he deadpanned.

"Yeah, something's wrong with the stereo in my suit," snapped Stark, tapping where his helmet still covered the sides of his head. "I keep hearing this high-pitched whine in my ear."

A fierce blush crept up under Peter's collar, and he was glad for the mask hiding his red ears. Sensing the heat rising in his face, his suit deployed a cooling system with a small but embarrassingly audible hiss.

"Woah, fine," he said, raising his hands and starting to back away toward the others. "Forget it." Let Stark bitch to empty air, Peter wasn't going to stick around for it.

"Extra credit for the latchkey kid," Stark said as a parting shot.

What? Peter spun. "The hell does that mean?"

Possibly Stark realized that his words could have been misinterpreted as a dig at Peter's situation as an orphan, because too late, he tried to backpedal. "I didn't mean it that way," he muttered.

"No shit," said Peter, but it was still a shot at his age, among the many already made. He was getting sick of it, and maybe he was a little touchier about it since most of the Avengers had taken up the joke, save for Rogers and Banner. Barnes didn't take up jokes.

He knew his place, okay? At best, he'd so far been the cavalry. And yeah, he was a teenager. Fine. So what? So he was expected to just go along with everything he was told to do? No doubts, no reservations about consequences? Just what, be grateful they were including him? Letting him tag along?

That's when Peter blurted out the thing he'd never intended to bring up to Stark, ever. "Okay, so, life-and-death stuff isn't a choice you get to make for other people, right?" he demanded. "That's your great wisdom here?"

"Right," said Tony testily.

"Then what was with that kill mode you put in my suit?"

Not expecting him to lobb that after dodging the issue for so long, Stark looked warier, and a little like he'd regretted losing his temper. Yet he didn't back down, and upon seeing his expression harden stubbornly Peter got even more incensed. "Yeah, I know about the kill mode," he said, flaring, "One of your training wheels fell off."

"You crashed the bike," Stark spat right back.

Their voices had raised slightly, the tone if not the exact words carrying faintly across the way. Tactfully, Captain America turned and walked in a different direction, ostensibly saying something about securing the perimeter. The perimeter was hardly in jeopardy but Wilson and the Winter Soldier followed, and then some of the others went a heartbeat later peering over their shoulders all the while. Romanov found a pile of rubble to lean back against and crossed her arms, away from the conversation but unobtrusively observant. Peter hardly noticed.

"I was preparing for the future, okay?" said Stark.

Really, like the kind he talked about 'reframing' in his half-assed speeches to the September Foundation? Gears in Stark's metal armor whined slightly as he shifted his weight to stare at the patch of ground the Avengers had vacated.

"The future?" Peter said flatly. "I thought that meant getting in a good word for me at MIT. Not killing. How exactly do you plan that for a kid you just met? Oh, my God," he said, rocking back with a flash of comprehension, "that was already in the suit in Germany, wasn't it?"

Of course it was. How had he not thought of that before? For a heartbeat he hoped it'd been a later upgrade to the suit, something added after he'd proven himself at the airport. A fractional hesitation was the only answer from Stark he needed, and Peter was too aghast to care what he said next.

"Oh, God. How long did you think it'd take for me to use that? What—how—" he spluttered, shrilly "—at what point were you going to decide, 'hey, it's time for him to go Terminator?' Is that what 'training wheels' are," he flapped his arms around, "moral hangups you were just waiting to like, fall off?"

"More like naivety," snapped Stark. When Peter shook his head insistently and turned away, Stark practically shouted at his back. "What the fuck did you think, that you could just web up someone like Loki? Like Thanos? Maybe I didn't want to leave you in the wind, you ungrateful brat. You're not going to just take down bicycle thieves forever, there are bigger fish to fry and I wanted to make sure you could actually fry them. Instead," he jabbed a metal finger toward the irate teenager, who'd wheeled around for a retort, "you take asinine risks and about get yourself killed to try and save people who just tried to take off your head when you should be aiming for theirs."

He was not only referring to Toomes, which might have been forgivable had it been a onetime thing. It hadn't been. Peter stood with taut fists, too shakingly furious to heed the horror in the back of his head at this intensifying blowup with his longtime idol, the guy who'd set Peter up as a legitimate hero in the first place. At the same time, though…just how long was Peter supposed to be cowed by gratitude?

Deep down he knew these ugly words on both sides were sparked by the incendiary factors of exhaustion, fear, and near-constant fighting over the last few days. Everyone was tired and irritable and rather than coming as a comfort, their first few hours of real peace only served to exorcise the pent-up stress. Then the wrong button had gotten pushed at the wrong time.

His angry speechlessness broke when Stark turned away.

"I'm not your son."

Stark rounded as his face went white. With shock or fury, Peter couldn't tell.

"I'm your teammate. Right?" pressed Peter. He stared at the frozen Avenger and repeated, with a pleading note that the animosity couldn't hide: "Right?"

Tony Stark said nothing.

"I know you feel responsible," said Peter, suddenly desperate, "but you can't think of me as like—like a surrogate kid and respect me as an equal. I don't need a dad. I need help, and you need me. Either I'm just a kid or…or I'm one of you guys."

There it was, in so many words. So long as Peter was just a boy to them, he'd never truly be an Avenger. It wasn't so much that he wanted to be one of them, though he did—with all his heart—but that he had to be one of them, for their sake too. The world was too small and the galaxy was too big to shut him out. They were partners, all of them. Comrades in arms.

Despite losing both parents to a plane crash at four, Peter had not lacked for a father figure. He'd had one until the year before, when that figure was cut down one average night in a shock of blood and horror. It was one of those private, life-shattering tragedies that clocked somewhere below the mass slaughter usually in the Avengers' field of vision, the kind of thing that only Peter seemed to be working daily to stop.

The Avengers had never represented the fork in Peter's road; the two paths had lain in the wild-eyed face of Ben Parker's murderer. There, Peter had chosen one road and he chose it forever. In death, Uncle Ben had imparted his most important lesson, and it would not be superseded by anything Tony Stark had to say.

Which was very little, now. The moment had stalled, Peter spiraling down from the peak of anger to a place of dawning alarm and embarrassment now that the tides had receded from the shore.

Accepting that he'd cooled down, his suit switched off the AC. For the first time he realized Karen had stayed silent throughout the argument.

He'd known from little asides that Stark had had issues with his own father, and Peter had never wanted to step in the way of whatever psychological progress the man was making. He felt guilty for doing it now. However mad he was, he really did not want to hurt Mr. Stark's feelings.

"So um," Peter sighed, wishing Stark would say something, "if I'm gonna be a partner, you guys have to trust me or it's not fair. And you have to listen when I say…I will not kill anyone."

He thought maybe he owed an explanation, because this was something that was unofficially sort of in the job description, so he hesitated before going on to say what he'd never told anyone. Forcibly ignoring the magnetic resistance he had to looking Stark in the eye, he admitted: "I'm afraid of killing. I'm afraid of it happening once, and I'm even more afraid of not being so scared of it the second time. There can't be a second time if there's not a first. And, yeah, I'm too young to be ready for that anyway, but I am never going to be ready for it."

Overhead, Wilson took flight. He soared over to the purpling sky to scout, his amazing wings sounding like a distant airplane.

Gazing after him, Peter murmured, "I used to think maybe you all would see me as a burden if I didn't do it, but I don't think that anymore. I'm not a liability. I think I'm the reminder you guys need. Because I think maybe…you've forgotten how to be afraid of the right things."

He realized as he said it that the Peter Parker who could use the kill mode to its full, terrible effect was not the Peter Parker they needed. Who they needed was the enthusiastic, optimistic, happy-go-lucky guy who loved his aunt and his friends and his neighborhood, who loved helping people find the train station and getting their bikes back. Who could say, with earnestness and complete faith, that mercy was strength. Peter needed him too.

Behind them the sun was disappearing with a last gasp of light. Now that the veneer of adventure had faded somewhat he found himself homesick in this strange place and missing Aunt May and Ned, who assumed the likeness of bright tethers in his mind that kept him close to reality, in Queens.

At last, Mr. Stark seemed to sag. It was another full minute before he spoke. When he did, the anger was gone and he sounded, for the first time, a little sad and unsure.

"Okay."

Okay? Okay as in…Peter was still an Avenger? Or okay as in, You're done, pack your suit?

With a sideways look for Natasha, who had begun to move away in truth, the older man went on slowly, "Listen, k—Peter. The only thing I said to you just now that wasn't complete bullshit…was that you don't know the whole story."

Peter waited.

"And—" here Stark rubbed his temples— "it's not because you're a kid. It's because I'm an asshole who can't let go of the past." He stared at something Peter could not see.

The teenager wasn't sure what to make of this flash of vulnerability, which happened so rarely. His hand snaked nervously behind his back to pluck at the spider emblem there.

"Don't do that, you'll pill the fabric. The truth is…well, I'm gonna keep that private. I have a problem with Barnes and it's not going away anytime soon. But—" He sighed. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry. And maybe you're right. About your right to be ah, a conscientious objector." He kind of rolled his eyes at the end, and with relief Peter felt normalcy settling back in.

"Thanks." He meant it.

They lingered awkwardly there, but Peter was secretly relieved by the confrontation he didn't think he'd ever make were he not as exhausted and banged up as the rest of them.

It felt like the first open confirmation that Peter was truly an Avenger, for better or worse. Spider-Man took the same risks they did, made greater for the identity he was determined to protect, and shared in the challenges as well as the brief moments of brevity. He may not even have to sign the Accords, which were not designed for galactic considerations and were rapidly falling apart. He felt optimistic, and smiled beneath his mask.

"Is this a bad time to admit the programming for your new suit was code-named 'Growing Pains?'"

"Oh, my God, Mr. Stark," said Peter, throwing up his hands in disgust.

Mr. Stark laughed.

.

.

This is a distant cousin to another one-shot I wrote called 'Trust Falls,' where Peter worries about his place on the Avengers.

[toomanypizzaboxes]

Eyes Wide Open Epilogue

                                                 Two years later

The bright blue of the spring sky faded as it dipped to meet the horizon, thinning out into a robin’s egg backdrop to the city of Konoha. It was a warmer spring than usual, the temperature bleeding the cherry blossoms of their delicate scent and flooding the streets with it in tandem with the pink, snow-like petals. The afternoon sun was glittery and bright, almost tangible, as Sasuke lifted a hand to let it run over his fingertips.

Somewhere nearby, deeper within the upper class district, strains of elegant music filtered through the ambiance of twittering birds and the rush of rainwater in the gutter below. Sasuke inhaled deeply before lurching into a steady lope up the cobblestone street. A pair of high, broad gates met him at the entrance to a grassy courtyard and he pushed them open just enough to slip inside, where he was met with a suffocating bustle of people scrambling to and fro laden with chairs, or flowers, or gossamer, white banners. Sasuke flattened himself against the inside of the wall, inching towards a door as he pulled at the tie around his neck. He managed to slip by the numerous staff with surprising ease and exhaled a soft sigh of relief when he made it through the door without incident. After straightening his jacket, he continued down the nigh-oppressively quiet hall with a hint of spring in his step. He passed several doors which emanated discouraging, high-pitched giggles but soldiered forward. He had one thing in mind and he would remain on target.

Eventually he came to a final door. Steeling his nerves, he pushed it open and went inside.

The room was bright, lit by several large windows around the perimeter. A privacy divider was in one corner, wrapped around some floor length mirrors. There was a cream-colored chair set in the main part of the room, but Sasuke couldn't sit down just yet. He cleared his throat.

There was a quiet ‘eep!’ from behind the divider before something clattered against the mirrors and whoever it was stepped out into the light.

Sasuke gaped, cheeks flushing before he could will his surprise away.

“Sasuke?” Hinata frowned, reaching up to straighten the ornament in her hair. “The reception isn't for another couple of hours; what are you doing here?” Her fingers expertly sank into her dark hair, winding it tighter at a braided junction near her ear. When she was finished, she brushed her hands down the front of her crane-patterned furisode. When Sasuke didn't respond right away she glanced up at him nervously between her lashes, cheeks flushing a fetching pink. After several moments of shared blushing, she raised an arm and hid behind a sleeve. “You're embarrassing me.”

Sasuke blew out a sheepish gust of air and cleared his throat. “Sorry.... You just looked... so incredible.”

Her arm drifted just low enough to expose her eyes and creased brows. “You're not supposed to be here, you know. This building is just for the girls to get ready.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I got bored waiting for the ceremony to be over.” He released a teasing, exaggerated sigh and sank into the love seat on one side of the coffee table. “Imagining those two idiots joining up and reproducing? Exhausting.” He pressed a hand over his face in mock weariness. Hinata stepped closer to him, giggling softly.

“You know you're only saying that because you want them to be happy.”

Sasuke lowered his hand, concealing his playful smirk. “Yeah, you're right.” He and Hinata shared a warm look, eyes glittering with gladness over their friends' nuptials. Hinata sank down on the other end of the love seat, carefully arranging her furisode so it wouldn't wrinkle. She soon grew shy once more, glancing over at him and away and again several times. After drinking in the lovely image of her dressed in her formal wear again, Sasuke got distracted by the pleasing way Hinata's pale eyes reflected the light from the windows. He scooted closer to her, lips splitting into a cocky grin when he noticed her flush returning, creeping up from the collar of her clothing. He draped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her close against him. She smiled slightly, relaxing into the half-hug.

He chuckled and leaned close to her ear. “Did I already say how amazing you look?”

Her smile grew. “I think you might have mentioned it.” They chuckled together as he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

With the bright sun filtering in behind them, the heat blooming in his chest from the kiss, Sasuke breathed in. A day like today could last forever... and he didn't think he'd ever grow tired of it.

The courtyard had been transformed since he'd seen it earlier in the afternoon. Bright-feeling music played loudly from the audio setup in the corner. The gossamer banners from before had been tied up around the rooftops, framing the yard in an ethereal softness. Fairy lights sparkles along strings around the dining area and large, white lanterns seemed to float, unfettered, throughout the space. The delicate glow suffused the evening air, contrasting against the deepening blue of the clear sky. Round, white tables were arranged in a honeycomb formation and several longer tables—laden with trays of food—bordered the edges. At a separate table in the back of the setting, what Sasuke assumed was the cake sat, covered in a massive opaque cloche, awaiting the reveal by the bride and groom.

There was a tug on his sleeve and Hinata pointed to the gates. “It's time,” she murmured, eyes dancing. He nodded, giving the arm laced with his a reassuring squeeze. The sound of a bell echoed throughout the district and a pair of staff members opened the gates, revealing a radiant procession the likes of which Konoha hadn't seen in decades. A hundred guests at least, clad in varying shades of formal wear—both traditional and modern—flowed through the gates like a rainbow-colored river, illuminated with the exultation they all shared. There were familiar faces as well as unfamiliar, but they were all alike in the smiles they wore. The courtyard filled and for a moment Sasuke fretted that there wouldn't be enough room. Yet, they all settled in and as the last few guests arrived, so did the main attraction, flanked on either side by the mayor herself, Tsunade Senju, and the bride's parents.

Tsunade, boisterous as ever, stepped forward firmly and raised her arms. “Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the bride and groom!”

Hinata's face lit up. Sasuke swallowed thickly and refused to acknowledge the building moisture in his eyes. The music reached a crescendo.

Naruto and Sakura stepped through the gates, arm in arm and emitting such touching happiness that some guests would later describe it as 'blinding'. Naruto's eyes were scrunched up from the breadth of his usual foxy grin, wider and whiter than it had ever been before in his life. In keeping with their split traditional/contemporary style wedding, he was wearing a glossy black tux, but in keeping with Naruto, the tie was undone and flapping about his shoulders whimsically. A bundle of cherry blossoms were pinned to his lapel.

Sakura, mirroring her name, was the true flower of the pair. Her trademark pink hair had grown even longer over the past two years, cascading down her back and flowing freely in styled, broad ringlets. Instead of wearing her uchikake as it was originally intended, she had opted to follow the new trend of folding it down over the obi, transforming it into a eye-catching, sleeveless gown. Sasuke, despite himself, found himself smiling at that. It was just so Sakura. Clasped in her arm was a massive bouquet of cherry blossoms, white camellias and pale pink roses.

They finally reached the arbor, lit from above by a woven structure of fairy lights, and stopped to survey the image. The guests began a round of applause and a reverberating, collective shout of “Congratulations!” flooded the space.

Sasuke found himself clapping along with them, although it felt cheap compared the emotions he actually felt in regards to Naruto's marriage.

I hope they find happiness together, forever.

The food was delicious, but the speeches were better. So many different stories of Naruto from when he was a rambunctious hoodlum running the streets, spray-painting the city hall building before he was even old enough to buy the paint on his own. Tales of how happy people were to hear when  Mayor Tsunade had adopted him, how proud they were to watch him grow into the thoughtful, responsible young man he had become and how glad they were to see him stepping into a new chapter of his life with his beloved new wife.

Stories were also shared on Sakura's end, many honoring her for her strong initiative for her medical career and well wishes for her to go far as a practitioner. At one point Ino stood up and—being a bit tipsy—accidentally called Sakura “Billboard Brow”. It had almost come to half-joking blows, until Ino began to weep, happily gushing about how happy she was to see her friend end up with someone who cherished her. Sakura really deserved that, she explained, someone who would appreciate her for who she was.

The night wore on. The trees surrounding the yard slowly filled with guests' wedding offerings, wrapped in brightly-colored, shimmering cards and tied to the branches with gold thread. In the true spirit of modern advancement and wholly surprising to some of the older attendees, a dance floor was prepared on one side of the yard and band struck up a romantic song for Naruto's and Sakura's first dance. Many 'oohs' and 'ahhs' emanated from the crowd, as well as some chuckling when Naruto attempted to dip Sakura and nearly dropped her.

Hinata and Sasuke remained close together, content to observe most of the goings-on from the peaceful sidelines. They had gotten so relaxed that Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin when a voice suddenly sounded near his ear.

“So, you guys think you'll be next?”

Sasuke released a strange, strangled squeak before realizing it was only Shikamaru, half-lidded and tie loose and he eyed Sasuke flatly. His eyebrows rose at Sasuke's reaction.

“Didn't mean to startle you.”

Sasuke straightened up and cleared his throat. “No problem.” Hinata took notice of Shikamaru's arrival and dipped her head.

“Good evening!”

Shikamaru returned the gesture. “Hinata.” He looked back at Sasuke. “So are you gonna answer or what? You guys planning on getting married anytime soon?”

Sasuke's mouth went dry and Hinata blushed, stammering out several incoherent sounds. Sasuke shrugged, “I... I... Well, why are you asking?”

Shikamaru opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by a gruff, feminine voice from behind him. “He's only asking so he can try to get out of proposing!”

Shikamaru bit the the toothpick he been chewing in half and muttered, “Temari.”

The speaker sidled up next him. She was a blonde woman in a deep purple kimono, her gold hair pulled back in an elaborate—yet somehow sharp-looking—updo. Her lips were painted a dark red and somehow Sasuke felt that was meaningful. She wound her arm into the crook of Shikamaru's elbow and smirked. “You must be the Uchiha brat I've heard so much about.” Sasuke blanched, confused. The woman eyed Hinata. “Judging from the pretty Hyuuga you have next to you, I'm assuming my boyfriend's advice from back then paid off.” Her arm tightened on Shikamaru's, causing him to go pale. “Now if only my dear Shikamaru could take some of his own useful advice to advance our relationship.”

Shikamaru spat the remains of the toothpick out and frowned at her. “Don't make this weird. You haven't even introduced yourself to them yet.”

The woman's blue-green eyes hardened.

Shikamaru sighed and, using his free hand, gestured at the woman. “Sasuke, Hinata, this is my fiancee, Temari no Sabaku.” Sasuke and Hinata bowed shallowly, nodding along with the introduction. Meanwhile, Temari's eyes had gone wide, her brusque demeanor melting into one of shock.

“'Fiancee'?” She sputtered.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, “Well, if it means so much to you, I figured I'd start calling you that.”

Her face went red. “You can't just 'start calling' me that! You have to propose properly! Make me feel loved!”

Shikamaru looked away. “Troublesome.” He glanced at Sasuke sidelong. “I'll see you around.” Before anyone could react, he bolted into the crowd, forcing Temari to chase after him, a lecture already leaving her lips. Moments after they'd gone, a pair of tired-looking men stopped by where Hinata and Sasuke were still standing, frozen and bewildered. The taller one, a stocky man with brown hair, waved them down.

“Did you see a terrifying blonde lady come by? She was most likely chasing a spiky haired slouch.”

The other man, red headed with pale, blue-green eyes, glanced at Hinata before turning away. As brief as it was, his expression caused her to blush. Noticing the exchange, Sasuke grit his teeth. He pointed in the direction Shikamaru and Temari had gone. “Yeah, they ran that way.” The brunet man nodded, biting out a sharp 'thanks', before he tapped the red-head's shoulder and they darted after the oddly-matched couple.

Sasuke exhaled quietly. What an odd sequence of events. He felt fingers thread through his and looked down to see Hinata smiling up at him. He leaned down so she could whisper in his ear.

“Let's go sit down.” He allowed her to drag him to a quiet table in the corner. A waiter came by and served them champagne, which they sipped quietly. The energy of the reception buzzed gently in their chests. The more subtle energy that lingered between them crackled along their skin. Sasuke took another sip and reflected on the events of the years since he'd confessed to Hinata.

Their relationship had been rocky at first. Hinata was still getting used to the idea of Sasuke being in love with her, and Sasuke was still working on getting his mental obstacles in check. They'd bickered occasionally, but with encouragement from Itachi, Sasuke had always stepped forward when he was in the wrong.

Strangely, Neji had become a weird source of comfort for Sasuke during times when he and Hinata had fought. Neji had been a huge part of Hinata's life and was thus a font of knowledge on how to handle her. Whenever it had been her fault for a spat, he'd tell Sasuke to just wait a few days and eventually Hinata would crack, crawling back spewing apologies and attempting to make up for her slight.

As time went on, they got better about handling their problems alone, and the problems gave way to a strong foundation and a blossoming partnership. Sasuke was ceaselessly encouraging, prodding Hinata to step out and chase her own dreams. She remained in theater class, but grew more aggressive about pursuing direction, rather than just working in the background.

In turn, Hinata had also helped Sasuke work through his deep-seated emotional turmoil. He frequently relapsed into his apathetic state, sleeping often and doing his best to ignore anything that might be difficult to imagine. At one point, he nearly had another meltdown when Itachi overworked himself and collapsed from exhaustion. Luckily, that's all it had been.

But they were here now, together and more in love than ever. Hinata's was a quiet passion, more loyalty than romance. Sasuke's was a stormy one, demanding to give and illustrate his love for her through support and intimate gestures.

She puts up with a lot, he mused as he stared at her. He leaned on the table on his elbow, chin cradled in his palm.

Suddenly, as if melting from the shadows, Itachi appeared. Sasuke jumped once more, spluttering in the fashion of Hinata.

Itachi laughed quietly. “No need to be scared, little brother.”

Sasuke's shock turned to irritation. “You're so late I can't even tell you.”

Itachi nodded. “I'm aware. I've already apologized to Naruto and he assured me that he had some staff from the city hall film the entire thing for me.”

“Where were you?”

“I was attempting to escort a distant relation of Naruto's here. Small world, isn't it? He's actually the one who founded the Akatsuki.”

Sasuke blinked rapidly, “W-what?”

Itachi smiled, eyes creasing. “It's amazing how humanity can stretch so far, yet still tie together so closely.”

Sasuke nodded, contemplating the concept. Several moments passed before he leapt to his feet, “You brought the Akatsuki here?!”

Itachi stood slowly, “Now, now. No need to worry. I'm sure they'll be on their best behavior.”

At that moment, Naruto appeared, vaulting into Sasuke's side with a crushing force. “So this is where you've been hiding, you jerk!” He looked over Sasuke's shoulder and grinned at Hinata. “Oh, hey Hinata!” She smiled warmly.

“Hello, Naruto!”

Naruto turned back to Sasuke, grin twisting into a ferocious glare. “As I was saying, jerk! You were supposed to congratulate me first and I found you here, at the end of the party, having not even said a word to me all day! What kind of best friend are you?!”

“Naruto,” Sasuke struggled to escape Naruto's grasp, “Naruto, we have much bigger problems to worry about!”

“Oh really? Like what? The fact that I've known you for ten years and this is how you treat me? I oughta—”

A loud bang erupted from the other side of the courtyard, followed by several screams. Smoke began to billow upward between the buildings.

Itachi rubbed his chin. “Oh dear.”

Naruto stilled. “W... What was that?”

Sasuke groaned. “The bigger problem.”

Tsunade's voice rose above the crowd, “Everyone! This way to evacuate!” The crowd began spilling back out the gates. Using the distraction to escape Naruto's grip, Sasuke grabbed Hinata's hand and dragged her away, nearly in a run. Despite the threat of fire being very real, it seemed most of the crowd had realized it was relatively minor, so most were evacuating while still smiling, laughing about how this would make the night even more memorable than before.

Caught up in the rush of the events, Sasuke breathlessly gazed back over his shoulder. Hinata was following close behind, grinning broadly at him. He watched her hair come loose from it's confines, spilling down over the shoulders of her pale furisode. She had reached down and pulled the tight fabric up to her knees so she could run more freely, exposing her zori and the fact that she had sneakily worn leggings under her clothes, probably for comfort. Sasuke drank in the elation in her pearly eyes and the rosiness of her cheeks and strawberry-colored flush of her smiling lips and—surrounded by all things to do with weddings, friends spanning generations and the hopes for his future—decided that he didn't want to spend that future with anyone else.

He scarcely felt the breath in his lungs as he shouted over the noise. “Hinata!”

She fluttered her eyes prettily. “What?!”

He stilled for an instant, just long enough to whirl her in against his chest. He caught her arms; they were nose to nose, a rock in the river of evacuating wedding guests. They panted together, breath mingling. He could smell the champagne on her lips.

“Hinata, marry me.”

For the umpteenth time that night, beneath the stars and the lanterns, her face lit up. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

“Yes!”

He kissed her, laughing against her lips. A breeze picked up, showering them in sakura petals. Sasuke felt his chest burst into fireworks, streaking away into the sky and crumbling back to reveal the path towards the future. The future with Hinata by his side.

I love you, Hinata.

I love you too, Sasuke.

With this, I can proudly say that Eyes Wide Open is officially complete! Thank you to everyone who read and supported me through this. It’s been wonderful and I hope you read my next project when it gets posted as well. Hope you enjoyed the epilogue and have a lovely night!

[magdaclaire]

angel song laughter

Rating: Not Rated Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types Relationships: Pietro Maximoff/James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton/Bruce Banner, Pepper Potts/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Characters: Pietro Maximoff, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Helen Cho Additional Tags: This Fic is a Blender and Canon is a Smoothie, Pietro in a Skirt, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Boys in Skirts, Interventions brought to you by Wanda Language: English Series: Part 1 of the Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019 (Round 1) Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019

Ao3 Link: Here!

The fic is under the cut!

There aren't many people on this world that can make the former Winter Soldier nervous. He doesn't normally feel the need to hide himself away from social interaction, just standing sentry as other people speak to him and for him and generally not needing to say a word to the contrary unless something truly provides him some inconvenience. Even if he doesn't always feel the comradely emotions that come naturally to the other Avengers, there's still the idea that Steve, at the very least, has his best interests in mind. Bucky hadn't let Steve tear apart his team for those interests, had mended things with the Iron Man himself instead of providing Steve the opportunity to tear himself apart again.

But, being as there are only a few people in the world that manage to make the Winter Soldier even slightly nervous anymore, it's only natural that three of those few people call the tower that Bucky lives in their home.

The first is Pepper Potts, and he fears her not because of any power she exerts, but because of that which she does not. She has both Tony Stark and Steve Rogers at her romantic beck and call, James Rhodes as a close personal friend and adviser, and she chooses to not use any of it. She could take apart the world without lifting a finger, and Pepper Potts does nothing of the sort. She smiles at Bucky every time she sees him, calls him Sergeant Barnes and sends him on his way (or offers him a cup of tea with a penchant for gossiping with him about people he does not know). He thinks he would commit egregious acts of violence for her, even if she would never ask.

The second is Wanda Maximoff, who has magic enough to let her manipulate the mind of anyone she wants. She has made apologies and promises to never do it again, has gone through training to make it easier for her to control her craft, but she still terrifies Bucky a little bit. She has nothing on her brother, though.

Pietro Maximoff has the laugh of an angel. He carries himself quickly and yet so gracefully, laughs with his entire body, smiles with his entire face, and he's maybe the prettiest little thing that Bucky has ever seen. He came back from the dead with some fancy healing machine that Tony designed with Rhodey, Bruce Banner and some other doctor - Helen Cho, the one who helped design the machine that got rid of the trigger words as well - and that's a power in itself. Anyone who wasn't enhanced, Tony says, definitely would not have survived the shooting as well as the machine, and Bucky doesn't know how to thank anyone for Pietro's survival. He would have never known Pietro without the work of Tony Stark, and he thinks about that every single day.

But, it's not like he can say anything to Pietro. The boy is only twenty five, and even if that's physical only a few years younger than Bucky, it feels like a few centuries. And anyway, he's... Pietro is too good. He's sarcastic, has the kind of mouth on him that makes the 1930's in Bucky want to cover his ears so his mama doesn't wash his mouth out with soap, but he's still so good on the inside. He'll rant about global warming, about the humanitarian crisis in other countries, and he's the most forward person on news that Bucky knows.

It doesn't help that Bucky knows that Pietro likes men; he's very vocal in interviews as well as he is when he and Bucky are having conversations on the couch at three in the morning when neither of them can sleep. Steve, a light sleeper on his best days, laughs at Bucky when he comes back into their shared floor smiling. He knows how Bucky feels, of course. He can still see it all over Bucky's face, Winter Soldier or no.

He comes out this morning and nearly chokes on his spit: Pietro is at the table with the rest of the Avengers for breakfast, except... Well, he's wearing a skirt. And sitting in Clint's lap. And Bucky may be half way to punching one of his closest friends in the face before Natasha cuts him off mid step, grabbing his arm and twisting him into an alcove off of the main room with feline grace that drags him off of kilter even if he doesn't want to go. Natasha pushes him against the wall and keeps him there with a blade at his shoulder, which is fair.

"What?" he barks out, gritting his teeth. Natasha raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

"This is Pietro's first time being comfortable enough to wear skirts in front of us. You do not enact any violence right now, jealous or not, идиот. You do not make him uncomfortable, and for the sake of everyone here, you don't get Clint's blood on light blue fabric. Just don't. Tell him he looks pretty and move on," Natasha commands, and as much as it burns in Bucky's throat, he nods. He can move on, if he must. If Pietro will be happy. She allows him out of the alcove by making the knife disappear, tucking it into one of her many pockets. Even in regular clothes, Natasha has more pockets than anyone he knows.

“I like the skirt,” he says to Pietro, though he can’t make himself make eye contact. He smiles though, which he considers a step up. He doesn’t catch the flash of disappointment on Pietro’s face, nor the way that the speedster slinks out of Clint’s lap, putting himself directly in Bucky’s way. The soldier is getting tired of people getting in his way, but he still can’t make himself get angry with Pietro. He looks so pretty.

"You do not like it?" Pietro says, his accent thick and adorable on his tongue. Bucky smiles at him softly, tilting his head forward, but making sure not to be too outright in his affection for this young man who is obviously seeing Clint.

"I like the skirt, мышка," Bucky replies, his smile turning into something sad. "But it isn't my place," he admits, turning to walk past Pietro, who does not try to stop him again. Pietro, however unfortunately, will at least understand why Bucky has to keep his distance from complimenting the other man now, even if it will make Pietro keep his distance in other ways. As much as Bucky wants him around, as much as Bucky always wants Pietro around, with his light and his laughter and all of his newness, it is not what is meant to be. It's evident in the shade of Pietro's silence, the way that he doesn't reach out a hand for Bucky as he so often does, and Bucky can already feel the loss taking home in his chest.

There's a reason why Bucky cannot keep things and people that are made of light. He is not made to hold that against him, and anyone in the universe can tell.

He goes through the motions of getting his tea and getting his food, but he does not stay in the dining room with the rest of the Avengers, nor make his way to the breakfast nook that he and Steve and Sam occasionally pack themselves into. It's not uncommon for him to disappear into his and Steve's apartment all day, not uncommon for him to disappear at all, because Bucky oftentimes wants to disappear more than he wants to be a person. That's beside the point though. He had a good reason to be afraid.

The next time he reappears from his floor, Wanda finds him in the gym less than a minute after his entrance. He looks up at the ceiling to silently curse Friday, gritting his teeth as he prepares himself for the shovel talk that will certainly come from the woman who could take him apart into shards. Instead, she sits down on the training mat and makes a gesture for him to join her. He does so with a look of overt confusion, to which she hums.

"My brother, as near and dear to me as he is, is also an idiot," she says apropos of nothing, laying down on the mat and gesturing for Bucky to do the same. He does, crossing his arms behind his head and looking at the ceiling with her, which seems to go up and up and up forever, even if Bucky knows it's only the equivalent of three floors. Clint had asked for the extra space up there for tightrope practice, which Tony had taken as a challenge. It's funny to watch Bruce watch Clint up there, even if he's constantly on the edge of looking as if he's about to go green.

"So am I," Bucky admits after a few moments, because of course he hadn't said anything to Pietro before it was virtually confirmed that he was not available. Wanda looks at him, a slow scan that Bucky can practically feel, before she nods.

"You are. But only because you cannot see how much my brother is obviously... what do Americans say? Head over heels? For you, that is. He has had feelings for you for months," Wanda says casually, as if she is not dropping a bomb directly into Bucky’s lap and waiting for it to go off. This has to be a joke. “I’m inside of his head, you know. We’ve been like this my entire life, depending on each other for everything, even before I was given an expansion on my powers by HYDRA. He was a part of me before anything else.”

Bucky doesn’t know what to do with this admittance. As far as he knows, perhaps only Clint knows this much about the twins. Bucky feels very much like he is intruding on a private club, even if this feels as much like an invitation as anything else.

“And if I don’t want him back?” Bucky offers, even if it’s so obviously not true. Wanda laughs, twinkling bells to her brother’s angel song, and she stands from his side easily, using a bit of her magic to float her onto her feet.

“That is not something I am worried about, James Barnes. Just as I am not worried about you hurting him, even if you are both idiots. You will treat him right,” Wanda says, her eyes twinkling, and then she’s gone.

“Friday,” Bucky says to the ceiling, “Did that just happen?” Friday makes a noise of amusement that a program should not be capable of before answering.

“Yes, it did, Sergeant. Mister Maximoff is on his way, I believe,” Friday replies, and then Pietro is on the mat with Bucky, taking up the place that his sister had been. He’s still wearing a skirt, which Bucky doesn’t know how he runs in, but now with a sweater that looks like it belongs to Wanda, which almost makes Bucky wince. Pietro and Wanda usually steal each other’s clothes when they’re hurt or uncomfortable, and Bucky hates to have caused that, if he did. Instead of speaking, Pietro lays down, leaning against Bucky until he seems to collect himself together.

“You really thought I was fucking the old man?” Pietro asks, and Bucky can’t control the way that he chokes on his own spit. He has to sit up because he’s laughing so hard, knocking Pietro from his place leaning on his flesh shoulder, and eventually, Pietro is laughing as well. He’s sitting up to lean on Bucky, sitting up and getting closer to Bucky, sitting up and moving so that he’s sitting on Bucky’s lap, steadily set with his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky’s eyes are wide and he’s barely breathing, just looking and looking and looking. Pietro smiles down at him and kisses Bucky softly, like he means the world, and Bucky cradles his hips between his hands like glass, like a breakable thing, like an angel.

He holds the young man with the angel song laughter and feels the light burning within him, safe and home.

[lovesdarkness]

The Surprise Party

Lyra didn’t know if what she was doing was the right thing. She had no idea at all. She didn’t know if it was wanted, if it would be accepted, or even if it was a good idea in the first place. But she had to do it. Something inside her drove her to do it. She had no idea how Sirius felt about his birthday after everything that had been going on the last year.

But it was his day...and she had to do something for him.

The weekend before she had managed to sneak her way down to Hogsmeade without notice and raided the shops for whatever decorations she could find. Everything had to be perfect and she spared no expense when it came to Sirius. She filled her bag with as much red and gold as she could fit. Streamers, balloons, lanterns, and banners filled it to the brim and after making a trip to the Three Broomsticks she bought as much butterbeer as she could carry and somehow even managed to procure a bottle or two of firewhiskey from another source.

Once back in her dorm she hid everything away before racing down to the great hall to help her friends prepare for the Halloween ball.

She slipped through the doors and bit her lip as she looked around at her friends. She smiled as she saw Sirius helping Remus conjure up dozens of paper bats that would be charmed to fly around the ceiling. Ali and Eva were busy filling the room with black and orange balloons. streamers and crepe paper. She spotted Lily and James at the front of the room hanging a large “Happy Halloween” banner.

She quickly made her way over to Lily and James. “Hey guys…” she said softly, looking around to make sure none of the others were watching. “I need a favour.”

“What is it?” Lily asked as she brushed a strand of red hair out of her face and pocketed her wand.

Lyra motioned for them to come in closer. “I’m planning something...for Sirius’ birthday on Thursday.” she whispered.

James looked slightly surprised but couldn’t help but grin. “Whatever it is I’m in.”

“Do you need any help?” Lily asked with a smile. She had a feeling Lyra would try and do something like this. Sirius was the person she cared about most, she’d do anything to make him feel special.

Lyra bit her lip and shook her head. “No...I already have everything planned.” she said with a playful smile. Her eyes glittered happily as she wondered what Sirius’ reaction would be. “James I need you to keep him away from the dorms till dinner...Lily make sure everyone is in the dorms a little before then so we can surprise him.”

James’ grin grew and he nodded. “Count us both in.”

Lyra grinned excitedly and hugged them both before running off to help the others prepare for the Halloween dance that would be taking place the following night.

*

Once classes were finished Lyra hurried as fast as she could back to the dorms. She didn’t have much time to get everything ready, an hour or two at the most till their friends would arrive. She grabbed her bags and wand in hand she hurried back to Sirius’ room. She dumped everything onto the beds and with a flick of her wand there were red and gold streamers everywhere, red and gold balloons filled and tumbled about the ceiling. A swish of her wand and a quick charm and red and gold lanterns floated endlessly around the room.

Biting her lip she looked around the space wondering where to put the banner before deciding to hang it across the middle of the room. It hung seconds later and using her magic she splashed HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIRIUS across it in red and gold paint.

When she turned around she was shocked to see that the house elves had silently set up the tables and had laden them with all of Sirius’ favourite snacks and foods, a birthday cake sitting in the very middle. Fishing out the bottles of butterbeer and the firewhiskey she had smuggled in she placed them on the drinks table that had a bunch of glasses for her and her friends to drink from.

Taking a step back Lyra looked around at the room. Her heart pounded with excitement and it took everything she had to contain herself. The room was perfect, everything was exactly how she’d wanted it. She just hoped among hopes that Sirius would love it too.

There was a click of the door being opened and Lyra looked over to see Remus and Peter walking in, shocked looks on their faces. “Well?” she asked, holding her arms out to show off everything she had done to the room and bit her lip. “What do you think?”

“Wow.” Peter marvelled, his eyes wide as he looked around. “You did all this yourself?”

“It’s great Lyra.” Remus said as he looked over at her and smiled.

Lyra flushed with pride and her lips sprung into the biggest grin they had ever seen. “I really hope he likes it.” she said as she nervously wringed her hands together, looking around the room again. Her mind quickly went else where though at the sound of the door clicking and she looked to see the rest of their friends had started to arrive.

*

“Come on James I’ve had a long day I just want to get something to eat and rest.” Sirius said with a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair and cast a bored look to his friend.

James smiled and shook his head letting out short laugh. “I’m sorry Sirius this will only take a couple more minutes.” he said as he puttered around the change room for the Gryffindor quidditch team. He was doing everything he could to procrastinate to give Lyra time to get the party ready and for everyone to arrive. He just smiled and laughed again at Sirius’ irritated groan.

He looked over at Sirius and frowned a little. He had never seen his best friend look so tired and stressed. He needed this party. He needed to have fun and remember that even in the darkness of war that light could still be found.

“Alright I think I’m done here.” James said as he straightened up and ran a hand through his hair, tussling it up a bit. “Oh yeah and I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet but...happy birthday Sirius.”

Sirius looked over at James and managed a smile. “Nice to see that someone remembered.” he said softly as the two of them headed out of the room and made their way back up to the school.

“What you didn’t get a single birthday wish today? Not even from Snivellus?” James asked with a grin and laughed when Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m sure even Lyra must have mentioned something. You know she’d never miss something like that.”

Sirius smiled slightly and shrugged letting out a sigh. “Guess everyone was just busy today.” he said and shoved his hands into his pockets as they walked up the steps to the school and went in. “I guess the day isn’t really over yet. And I’m still hungry. Want to grab something from the kitchens with me?”

“Uh no I’m good…” James said, biting his lip wondering how to get his friend back up to his room without rousing any suspicions. A thought suddenly came to his mind. “Hey there’s a book Lily was wanting to borrow from Remus I told her I’d go get it for her. Why don’t we head up and see what Remus is up to? Maybe he’d like to get something to eat too.”

“Sure.” Sirius said with a shrug as they headed up one of the staircases and down the hall towards the portrait of the fat lady. “Pickled herring.” he said, wondering who had come up with that password.

“Happy birthday Sirius dear.” the fat lady said with a smile and a wink before opening for them.

Sirius smiled a little as he went through and into the common room. It was empty save for a few third years working on homework. He wished that he could go back to those days when everything was so much more simple, and there were no worries and no threats and they weren’t on the brink of war.

“You know I think I’m just going to have a shower and go to bed.” Sirius said with a sigh as he and James went up the stairs to the boys dorms. He thought for a second he’d heard James snicker but when he looked back at his friend his face was completely straight. Shaking his head he opened the door to his room.

A second later the lights flicked on and a dozen voices suddenly yelled “HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIRIUS!” His jaw dropped in complete shock as he looked around the room. It was decorated completely with red and gold balloons and streamers and paper lanterns. Tables of food and drink everywhere, and his closest friends were laughing and clapping and jumping up and down. Before he knew it he was swallowed up in the group of people, everyone hugging him and patting him on the back and smiling.

Sirius’ mood started to lift a little and he laughed, grinning at the people who surrounded him. The day had definitely turned out to be better. His eyes widened at all the food that had been laid out and when he went to get a drink of butterbeer. “Bloody hell who brought the firewhiskey!” cried out as he looked around at everyone. His jaw dropped again as Lyra’s hand shyly rose into the air and everyone laughed. Sirius filled his plate with food, grabbed a bottle of butterbeer and sat down to eat and enjoy the party.

A few people approached him with gifts which he gratefully accepted, tearing them open immediately. He smiled as he set them aside and hugged and thanked the gifters. He truly and genuinely appreciated everything that was given to him. His birthday had never been a big deal in the past, especially with his family, and it felt good that someone cared enough to do this for him. For the first time in almost a year he started to feel good, to feel normal. To sit surrounded by friends drinking, laughing, and telling jokes and forgetting for a moment that there was anything wrong with the world felt right.

Taking a swig of his drink Sirius turned to James with the first true smile he’d given in what felt like years and let out a happy sigh. “This is a wonderful party mate.” he said as he clinked their bottles together. “Thanks a lot, I didn’t realize I needed it so bad.”

James smiled and shook his head as he looked at his friend and bit his lip. “Thank you Sir but...I had nothing to do with any this. I was just told to keep you away for the afternoon. This was all Lyra, she’s the one to thank.” he said with a wink as he took a sip of his drink.

For the third time that night Sirius’ jaw dropped in shock. His head whipped around and he saw Lyra on the other side of the room. She was sitting with some friends, laughing and giggling and smiling. He felt something in his heart squeeze at the sight, he hadn’t seen her laugh and smile like that in so long. “She did all this?” he murmured absently. He smiled a little at her as she looked over and caught his eye and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing softly as she blushed and waved before turning back to her friends.

Sirius looked back at James and smiled a little. “...I’ll thank her later.” he said and then with a wolfish grin he pounced on James and started to wrestle to him.

It was well past midnight as people started to trickle out, needing to get to bed so they could live through class the following day. Even James and Lily said good night, with James beckoning Remus and Peter to follow. The only ones left in the end were just Sirius and Lyra.

Lyra turned to Sirius and took a deep breath as she smiled. “Well that was fun wasn’t it?” she asked and looked around the room. “Well, time to start cleaning up I guess.” she said as she turned away and started gathering bottles and paper plates and garbage into a garbage bag.

“Lyra wait…” Sirius said as he walked over to her and took her hand, taking the garbage bag from her and letting it drop to the floor. He turned her to look at him and she looked visibly anxious, her face was flushed. “Did you really do all this by yourself?” he asked softly, his eyes searching her face as she swallowed and nodded. “Why?”

“Because...I wanted to.” Lyra answered softly with a shrug as she bit her lip and looked away. “You’ve been...so depressed and anxious and angry lately...I just...wanted to do something to make you feel better. Show you that there’s still some good in the world to enjoy...that there are people you can count on. That...I want you to know that there are people who truly care for you.”

Sirius squeezed Lyra’s hand gently and smiled, reaching up with his free hand to tilt her chin up to face him so she could look at him. “Thank you…” he said softly as he stroked her cheek, his thumb lightly grazing over her soft skin. A warm feeling filling his chest as he looked down at her. He couldn’t figure out the reason for it, and in the end he decided it was an effect of the firewhiskey he had almost greedily imbibed.

Lyra’s eyes widened greatly at the look he gave her and she took in a quick breath, her face turning a bright shade of red. “Oh...your present.” she said as she pulled away quickly and walked over to one of the tables, picking up a small metal box. She made her way back over to Sirius and pressed the box into his hands. “This is for you. I bought it for you over the summer.” she said with another bright grin that once again filled Sirius’ chest with an unexplainable warmth.

Sirius took the box and looked it over a moment, lightly tracing his fingers over the cool metal before opening it. He sucked in a deep breath and swallowed at what he saw. The gift was wonderful. Not something that he’d have thought of it get for himself, but something that he could tell came from the heart and he knew that this one particular gift he would treasure above all else the rest of his life. Reaching in he pulled the silver pocket watch out of the box with great care.

“Lyra this is...this is amazing.” he said softly as he set the box down and turned the watch around in his hands before looking to her and smiling. “I love it. Thank you.”

“See look at the cover…” Lyra said excitedly as she stepped in close to him and looked down at the watch, running her fingers over the cover. “It has the Canis Major on it...and there’s you...there’s your star.” she said as she pointed to the star and looked up at him, her smile easily reached up to her eyes making them sparkle. “It’s the brightest star in the sky...just like you.”

Sirius swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous. She was doing something to him and he had no idea what. He felt this sudden swell of attraction start to blossom in his chest and he couldn’t figure out why. His heart had never pounded so hard like this before. This was Lyra, shy and sweet and innocent Lyra. Lyra who had turned out to be a really good friend to him once she had stopped running away from him the moment he said hello to her. He’d never once thought of her as anything more than the most wonderful of friends. But when she looked at him with those eyes…

“It’s not just a pocket watch though.” Lyra continued as she pushed the button to open the cover revealing the hands of the watch ticking by the seconds. There was another button on the side and when she pushed that the face of the watch popped up. “See, it’s also a compass.”

Sirius couldn’t take his eyes off her as he watched her explain how to use the watch. He cast his eyes down when she made the face pop up revealing a small compass underneath. “Oh well that’s nifty.” he said softly, turning it side to side and watching the needle move to the left and right. “Now I’ll never get lost.”

“That’s not all.” Lyra said as she looked up at him. “I charmed it...so if you say any of our names the needle of the compass points in the direction you need to follow to reach us. And it only responds to your voice. Try it...say my name.”

Sirius looked back down at the compass and smiled a little. “Lyra.” he said into it softly and in an instant the needle pointed directly at Lyra and stayed on her, pointing directly at her even when she stepped to the left and the right. The smile Sirius had spread into a grin as he looked to her again. “Cool.” he said.

Lyra looked up at him and smiled softly, the look in her eyes making his heart feel like mush. “See?” she asked, her voice a whisper as she reached up to cover his hand with hers. “Now no matter where you are...you’ll always be able to find me.”

Before he could stop himself Sirius leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, kissing it gently, before pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. After a moment of hesitation he felt her arms slip slowly around him in return and he loved how it felt as though her body seemed to melt into his. He stood there, hugging her tightly, gently swaying back and forth together.

“Thank you.” he murmured softly in her ear as he rest his cheek against the side of her head, unable to think of a way to express just how much everything she had done meant to him.

Lyra’s face flushed dark and she closed her eyes, a smile spreading across her lips as she cuddled into him and let out a happy sigh.

“Happy Birthday Sirius.”