#Pray I don't die
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I love talking to rabbis as a recent conversion student because the interaction goes something like, "you're converting? Now?! At this time, at this moment in history?!". And they always talk about this influx of jewish convert students they've seen recently, and it's like...
There's this level of respect I get from rabbis for converting at this point in time, but... Has there ever been a good time to be a jew in the last thousand years or so plus? I'm imagining that rabbis and jews in general back in 1492, back in 1290, back in 1349 would have said the exact same thing. So, really, there is only a time to be a jew. Maybe it's not a "good" time, yes, but it is a time. And to me, that's good enough
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#and to me i *know* that being a jew has historically Not Been a Good Time. i don't ask that of my conversion#i would convert if i had to run one day. in fact i count on that as a possibility#that's why i like simple judaica. if i have to run away with my people it'll be easier with simple bare-boned judaica#i would convert even in the middle of a desert. in the middle of exhile. on threat of pain and death#because to me being a jew isn't about it being a 'good time.' it's about being true and honest about what i need to be#if i were born this same way a thousand years ago i would make this decision again#where you rest; i will rest. where you pray; i will pray. when you weep; i shall weep. and where you die; i will die#i can only speak for myself but i've seen other students with a similar mindset#so in truth it's not the timing that motivated me. it's deeper. it can't be intellectualized. it is a primal feeling - something soul-deep
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something something max's main color being red with blue highlights something something grace's main color being blue with red highlights something something motivations something something alive and dead something something


#would i like to do an analysis on the lighting? yes.#but for some reason my brain is only capable of analyzing bf and some bits of tgwdlm#dont expect much from me#but something i CAN say is that#the colors can represent their motivations and connections to the lords in black#such as dying in the waylon hall and getting to use the black book#and by motivations i mean#with grace; she decided to use the powers of the black book to get rid of 'dirty dudes'#which is something she most likely believes as a correct action#but the red highlights indicate the bits on evilness in her#it shows how her intentions don't change her actions#and for max; red is for vengeance#yet the blue highlights are used in here#mostly for 'who will pray for me' bit#and#this is something related. i believe that max was reflecting himself when saying those lines#it was not only for richie to repeat but also about himself#anyway back to the lighting#the blue represents that there is something deeper than just vengeance#'who will pray for me when im gone'#thats about himself. he knows that no one in the schoo really cared that much about his death besides the game#they only cared about the game. not max himself#so the lights during both npmd and ddmd represent#their connections to the lords. their motivations and intent. and how their actions are made#starkid#hatchetfield#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#max jagerman#grace chasity
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I gotta say: I've been accompanying the story of Honkai Impact 3rd for a while now. I know Kevin Kaslana intimately and Phainon gives me the most aggravating Uncanny Valley effect ever.
It's the expression. He's too kind, too bright. I know Kevin was just like that when he was younger but the Kevin we're used to is the strongest warrior of humanity. The cold, pragmatic, hopeless man that became the villain. Not this young-faced, bright-eyed hero with a smile.
It's making me highkey anxious. Star Rail has a pretty optimistic setting so I wouldn't say he'd go all the way, but I'm expecting one or three Break the Cutie moments here.
#praying for this man's mental health like i never prayed for mine#oh god please don't let all his friends die#let him be a true hero for once#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr phainon
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Since Grace is the only one without FTEs at the moment by virtue of the fact that she just camps out in her room and any perceived attempts at invasion (socialising) are met with aggression (which, fun fact, is actually very identical to the territorial behaviour of rabbits btw), a lot about her remains unknown compared to the rest. However, from the small glimpses we get about her experiences in her industry, she definitely faced a shit-ton of misogyny in what is most likely a very male dominated field-- which Wolfgang actually points out.
Unfortunately he's not that wrong (and I actually kinda hate how I thought the EXACT same thing 💀). From everything I could find, golf is typically a more male dominated field, with women being way in the minority. I don't doubt at all she struggled to hell and back to climb the ranks to the where she is now, dealing with a lot violence due to jealousy and sexism like she implies to boot as well. It gives a different context to her personality in the killing game. She's loud and aggressive and quick to resort to violence. Compared to other women in our cast, she's undeniably the most volatile and dominating and hostile of them all, and I wonder if that's because it's the only way she was able to survive in her industry, let alone thrive enough to claim the title of "Ultimate Golfer" while being a woman at such a young age. The competitiveness and defensiveness she needs to stay afloat in her profession she seems to allow to bleed into her personal life as well, and I really wanna see that explored more.
#project eden's garden#p:eg#p:eg spoilers#grace madison#GIVE US HER FTES YOU CAN'T HOLD OUT ON ME LIKE THIS AHHHHHHHH#late night grace madison thoughts don't mind me#from her echo art she seems to have been a quite rowdy and delinquent kid?#i'm SO curious about her backstory and her parents?? when did she start her profession anyway??#this woman is only 20 and i imagine it took quite a while to get to where she is now#i try to have have no hope on anyone surviving this game however i'm praying she makes it past chapter 2 at least#i swear to god if we get her ftes in chapter 2 only for her to fucking die i will freak the fuck out like NO#apologies for any typos it's just really late lol#momento rambles
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Sonic Saturday.
I won't respond to every message. I won't always have the perfect response planned for every submission...
That doesn't mean your voice isn't heard.
I believe that better days are coming- somehow, someway, someday-
"Every world has its end.
I know that's kinda sad, but...
That's why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have.
At least, that's what I figure."
We're gonna get through this.
To everyone who's sent me a message, is struggling, or just feels alone right now...
I believe in you. I believe in us. This isn't gonna keep you down, I know ya'll are stronger than you think.
If The World Chooses To Become Our Enemy, We Will Fight Like We Always Have.
Your perseverance is admirable. Your strength to withstand the worst of our nightmares is uncanny.
For those of us who struggle to find ways to help make a change, I hope you know... you're seen.
You inspire us.
Keep the spark alive in yourselves... we see it. we're cheering you on.
Not lookin' back
Not givin' up
Not letting go
We'll keep on running.
#california#I try to avoid causing a ruckus but man stuff lately combined with the asks...#I know there'll be misinformation & spam#I want ya'll who are in fact facing some real bad stuff right now know that you're not being ignored.#you can't.#YOU are the fire that won't die out.#your sheer will & tenacity to burn through the worst fires & attacks are crazy#in the best way possible I hope ya'll know that even when there's folks like some of us who dunno if we can directly help-#we SEE you we HEAR you we PRAY FOR YOU & are screaming here in the back for your lives#art#fanart#charlidrawzart2025#charlidrawzfanart2025#charlidrawzart#charlidrawzfanart#man I don't feel like taggin too much so I hope the folks this does reach manages to inspire or bless somebody the way I pray it could#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sth art#sth fanart#2025#January2025#January 2025#fires#cw fire#tw fire#hopeful#persevere#sonic art#sonic
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Ghost x gn reader
Here, have some platonic fluff. I just had the worst milkshake and I can still taste it- to be fair, I was warned
It all started with a craving. The desire, no, need for a milkshake was getting to you, but you didn't have any regular ice cream.
Ghost stood behind you in the kitchen as you checked the freezer, again.
"I wonder if a banana mint chocolate chip milkshake would be any good?" you wonder out loud.
"Sounds horrible. Wouldn't recommend it, love. I'll get some vanilla ice cream tomorrow and we can make a milkshake then," he says, leaning against the counter.
You glare playfully at him in response, not willing to back down just yet. "C'mon, don't knock it 'till you try it! You're such a hater," you huff.
Too tired to argue, Ghost rolls his eyes at you. "Alright, you win. We'll make the bloody milkshake." He sighs in defeat.
Gleefully, you grab the pint of mint chocolate ice cream, milk, and bananas. In hindsight, it was a horrible combination.
With the monstrosity successfully created, you pour a glass for yourself. You glance at Ghost, who is giving you some serious side eye right now.
"Want some?" You offer.
"I'd rather not," he says bluntly. That doesn't stop him from grabbing a mug and pouring himself just a little bit of it.
He raises the bottom half of his mask to take a sip. He immediately regrets the decision, a small grimace flashing across his face.
You take a sip as well.
It's bad. Worse than you thought. It smells strange and tastes worse- not that you'd ever admit it to Ghost.
"It's not that bad." You sigh, glancing at Ghost's reaction. "Like I said, you're just a hater!"
He raises an eyebrow at you. "It's all yours, love. I'm not gonna fight you for it." He lifts his hands in mock surrender.
Later, you're both sitting on the couch. You convinced him to watch the barbie moving with you, not that he was particularly paying attention to it.
You sigh, and he looks over at you.
"Somethin' the matter?" He grunts.
"It's the fucking milkshake! I can still taste it! It was awful, why did you let me drink that?" you rant at him, feigning annoyance.
He crosses his arms at you and gives you an 'I told you so' look.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he chuckles.
The next day, you're much happier after having a normal milkshake with vanilla ice cream.
#The milkshake was so bad#Oml I was suffering#Okay that's a little dramatic#But it was like a 3.5/10#NOT GOOD DON'T RECOMMEND#My dad was there when I made it and he was 100% right about it sucking ass#Not that I admitted it to him#I'd rather die than admit when I'm wrong after being stubborn about something#Anyways I wrote this at not even 1 am#I'm not gonna proofread this shit#Enjoy!!!#I'm praying I'll get to have a normal milkshake tomorrow#My needs are NOT satisfied#Milkshake... save me milkshake...#cod#simon ghost riley#ghost x reader#ghost x gn reader#platonic#fluff#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x gn reader#ghost cod#simon riley
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no power in my house and it won't be fixed for a couple of days. what the fuck. on perpetua eve of all days
#i am going to have to come to campus for 5am are you having a LAUGH#i don't have to but#i will#it's either that or use a mobile data hotspot and pray my laptop doesn't die#but if my laptop doesn't then my ailing phone will#ohhhhhh my god#the biggest worry in my house atm is the food going off#and how we'll cook#but i'm sat here thinking holy shit the papa reveal#this is soooooo#so bad#helpppp#i want to be cosy in my room at 5am and relax and have a good time this is NOT IT#maybe i will charge up my laptop then turn it off and save it for 5am#that way i can watch it then go to campus when one of my devices gives out#how do i contact tobias and ask him to postpone this for me 😔
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...
#i dont think im a bad person. i dont think i behave in ways that are especially terrible. i dont hate myself. but i do believe i deserve to#suffer. and im not sure how to align those incongruent ideas. its hard to articulate because a lot of my rigidity stems from restrictions#without cause. i don't do things for a specific reason. im not afraid that if dont do specific things it will cause bad things to happen. i#behave in specific ways because thats what i have to do. thats just the way it is. without reason. without cause. like im getting dictates#from some higher power. a lot of my restrictive behaviors manifest in a sort of religious way. not in a religious trauma way. the church i#grew up in was all love thy neighbor and not fire and brimstone. its more that this rigid views is deeply and profoundly rooted in how i#belive i need to behave. i behave imperfectly. i make mistakes. and there has to be a consequence. i have to suffer. and thats just how it#is. like preying for forgiveness or committing self flagellation. i repent through self punishment. and when i try to imagine why i do this#all i can think about is being a little kid. praying before i went to bed. not aloud. the prayers i kept silent. that nobody would get sick#and die. that all the kids in childrens hospitals would get better and that nothing bad would ever happen to anyone. i had a pretty idealic#childhood. it was stable and my parents loved me a lot. i was never really bullied in school. my family was comfortably middle class without#money troubles. and i guess i find that difficult to contend with because i didnt do anything to deserve that. it was just luck. and why#should i have that when other ppl dont? but random things dont happen to you because you did something to warrent them. thats not how the#world works. so maybe im seeking to balance the scale. maybe im trying to pay for my good luck because it makes more sense that way.#sins must be punished and good fortune must be paid for. but only for me. i am an isolated entity controlled by an angry god.#and again. i dont hate myself or thing im a bad person. it only seems fair and correct that i should suffer. thats just how it is.#and how do you classify that? its a rigid worldview that sprauls out into restructions and compulsions. a lens warped from through#existential fear? the rot from which 0cd manifested? a set of restrictions born of aut1sm? i dunno. it doesnt really matter but i try to#classify anyway. maybe it doesnt fit neatly into one box. so it goes.#just stupid bullshit im being forced to deal with now that im basically in triple therapy lol#unrelated
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That shithead computer man is threatening people into giving him millions of Americans' personal information and I am just sitting here. Like I feel like I should be doing something about the coup that is happening but what the hell do you even do about that
#aside from pray for a brave american hero to whack him I mean. because I am doing that#us politics#like genuinely is there anything the average citizen can do about a hostile takeover of govt or like#do I just sit here#what do I do. make angry phone calls at him? oh I'm Sure that will stop him and his goons with guns#like I'll do it but I don't think it'll be useful#can he please just die. I don't care how it takes place I just need him dead
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There's no way Dean didn't pray to Cas in episode 12x09 when he and Sam were isolated in that governmental jail. I refuse to believe it. They didn't show it to us, they didn't say anything about it. But listen to me. There's NO FUCKING WAY he didn't.
They didn't show us because it wasn't relevant to the story like it was in episode 6x06. We learned that Dean called Cas for help about soulless!sam but we didn't see him, but they tell us he did because that's relevant for him to yell at Cas in that scene for not coming when he calls. And same in Purgatory we learn that Dean prayed to Cas every night, we don't know what he said in these prayers but they tell us he prayed because this is relevant, it leads to Cas explaining why he never answered those prayers.
So my point is that in episode 12x09 they didn't tell us he prayed to Cas because there was no purpose for the story, but HE DID. He prayed to him because he felt alone and that's also why Cas seems so lost and helpless. Because he can hear Dean, he can hear him but can't answer, he can hear him not knowing where they are kept. He can hear him ask for help without being able to do so.
#I'll die on this hill#maybe alone but I don't care#I can't believe he didn't pray to him#he probably told him he didn't know where they were#told him he was bored#told him he think sammy is not that far but can't hear him#told him he'll find a way soon when he started considering asking billie#spn 12x09#First Blood#dean praying to cas#he did that at least one in that jail#when he was feeling desperate#just before he decided to call billie#destiel#deancas#castiel#dean#my random thoughts about destiel
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Please, if you have nothing else to do, please look at what is on the Golden Records, alongside the Soundcloud uploaded by NASA of the greetings recorded on the record. There is such a quiet vulnerability to knowing that these records have been created and are at the mercy of whomever finds them. I hope they love us as much as I love them.
I hope we can send more out - we deserve to be remembered, alongside this entire world. There is truly no place more special to me than this world💛
#positivity#i hope we all eat well#i hope we are all remembered by people we will never be able to fathom#the records were made by NERDS and i adore all of them#i love how much they thought about what they should include and how they thought through how to convey information#you don't get it you don't GET it every DAY i pray that SOMEBODY out there has sent out their own golden record do you GET it.......#i yearn to know every little thing about every type of people in the universe. i would kill and die just to have the chance to know#even IF the life out there is 'simple single-celled organisms' i don't CARE!!!! i need to know they exist#i need to know WHAT they are or WHO they are. i want to know every tiny microscopic thing about them#this applies to my fellow human of course but it applies to everything. i need to know it ALL#i feel like a caged tiger if you're wondering
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truly blows my mind that people will get on an online game and proceed to bitch and whine the entire time. where is your joy. your whimsy. you are not having fun why are you here
#the amount of times ive said im gonna throw and then won is crazy. i think it may imply something abt how the game should be played#why r you so sad and serious. im gonna run at them with a shotgun and pray and it's gonna work. im gonna sit in this aoe and#defuse the spike 0.2 seconds before i die#get silly. it's a game. my god it's a game#genuinely i don't get upset ever. if we're losing bad then like. well. it's a game baby!#also the advantage of purposefully doing something really stupid is that they don't think you're gonna do that#why the fuck would i sit in this corner with a shotgun. why would i go for defuse when 3/5#enemies r still alive and actively shooting at me. well. it's the whimsy
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FARGO S5 DISC. & SPOILERS
gif set + pre-finale discussion below:
i'm genuinely curious what is going to happen in the the finale of fargo's fifth season. not a single season of fargo over the years has ceased to amaze me - throwing the most bizarre plot twists at every angle.
as screwed up as gator is, i actually hope he makes it out. i think he's a disgusting excuse of a human being, but he doesn't completely lack humanity either ... which is surprising considering he was raised by a murderous psychopath.
now that ole' munch has taken his toll on him and dot has turned the ranch upside down, i really hope that he gets the chance to live. he'll get to see things the way they are and always have been ... now that he has been blinded.
i want dot to end roy ... and i want gator to help her.
i, personally, think it would be so much more moving for him to live with the consequences rather than to die as a sacrificial martyr of some sorts.
#the moment this kid sat in a patrol car and whipped out a vape i knew i couldnt take him seriously#but even tho i don't want him to die ik things don't work out the way you want them to in fargo#like when you thought bear's daughter simone had a chance#(fargo s2)#and that was ripped away in a second#i can pray i guess#we'll see what happens tuesday#fargo season 5#gator tillman#joe keery#dorothy lyon#juno temple#roy tillman#jon hamm#fargo spoilers#nectarine on: fargo#nectarine's o-ri-gional posts
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as positive as i want to be ... i'm fucking terrified . and seeing some of you post things about hoping we burn ? you do realize that some of us are trapped here and are scared , right ? that we're here trying to figure out how we're going to survive and instead of support we're being told the whole fucking country should burn ?
we are scared . and seeing that shit ? just lets us know we have no support and no safe place to go .
we're already fucking terrified of our existence becoming illegal and now we can't even have a space here to find support ?
cool .
#ooc ↳ mox#politics tw#brb going to cry myself to sleep#and try to figure out if zig and i need to rush a courthouse wedding#just so we can make sure we can get married#and try to figure out how to fund his top surgery before shit goes down#and hope and pray that my student loan payments don't bankrupt us#and that i can still have access to birth control that i could literally die without#and that i'll still have access to the medication that keeps me stable#but yeah... let everything burn i guess
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it's still wednesday where I'm at if your clock is 30 minutes off so here's my wip wednesday post for my day 1 @bylerween2023 fic!! ghosts my beloved
#“day 1 bylerween fic” <- implies there are other bylerween fics. there are not#RUSHING to get this done cause I started it at the LAST FUCKING MINUTE LMAOOOO#(had to delete tiktok again and I'm not allowing myself to get it back until this is done. I will beat procrastination by force)#me after deciding 2 weeks into the month of october that I want to participate in bylerween:🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡#it's so funny too cause like. I would've thought I would've participated in one of the gorey days#would've written some cannibalism or slashers or blood drinking or smth#but NOPE! listened to halloween by naoh kahan had a breakdown went ooh byler fic where will did actually die when he disappeared#or well. not technically. I have like. thoughts about this but the body in the quarry was still fake cause I'm making this all#unnecessarily convoluted. lmao#also I actually kind of don't like this that much but I wanted to share something. so. reminding myself that's what editing is for#anyway I have like a week to write all of this everyone pray for me#cause I really do want it done to share I made a fun little graphic?? photo edit?? too and I can't share that on its own#cause it's like. not a byler thing its just a will thing and everything about will is inherently byler to me#but it's not actually byler. and this is bylerween#stranger things#byler#my writing#wip wednesday#miwip wednesday#bylerween2023
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i'm shaking and trembling i have to wake up at 2am tonight to be at work at 3AM never work at a bakery 😋🫶
#i don't normally take the morning shifts EVER#which is increasing my anxiety like idk anything about the morning shift ☹️☹️☹️#and i'll have to work by myself with no help ☹️☹️☹️☹️#at least i'm quitting soon but goddamnnn#i'm so nervous i'll die of tiredness and of the inability to bake the bread on time pls pray for me#☆°.—kathy talks!!
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