#Ppl fucking mean it too. I've never had anyone say it and not felt that they fucking meant it

[cripplecryptid]

Wow, it's been a while since I've heard the good ol "if I were you I probably would've ended it all long ago", didn't think I'd still hear that after high school

Hashtag just chronic illness thingsssss

[jrueships]

Biggest squicks with the nba fandom?

squick?? AW, that's a cute word!!!! im stealing that now, thank u anon! for squicks in the fanfom.. hm um probs colorism towards dark skins & its unseen seen effects . i feel this way toward Fandom in general and life lol. U'll see it everywhere of course.. huzzah..

anyways yea. i feel like the nba should have a way bigger Fandom on here as a sport, i mean. At least bigger than some. The players don't wear a helmet so u can see their emotions, their expressions! Everyone's taking high quality pics up close! The ball isn't the size of a pebble going 50 mph like in hockey lol. There's no helmets!!! U can see them!! Like! I love it! I love seeing faces! I love football but it's the celebrations that rlly make it, esp when it's a pretty wr who u just know is gonna take his helmet off and do smthing funny for the cam!

But that's also probably why it doesn't have a big tumblr Fandom .. u can see their faces .

Even if u couldn't, u'd eventually see most of them aren't white so. Yea .

And abt the colorism aspect, most of the players that do have a big Fandom are light skin. That's why im not the biggest fan for 'all x positions are x' bcs i feel like that's a big thing in football where all qbs are bttms. Which is funny, and i can see it! Im not trying to ruin ppls fun! But when u see how a majority of qbs are usually white for most of history.. and the ones that aren't get some attention if they look like Tua .. but if they look like lamar jackson.. good f'ing luck trying to find bttm fics for that even tho dude's got a bbl . Even tho i believe in switch supremacy for a lot of ppl (lamar included), i feel like i gotta fight for more ppl like lamar even being able to bttm at all.

Meanwhile ppl like luka or Joey b are just automatically always bttms bcs. Yea. They're 'pretty', so u just gotta apparently. But ppl will say jrue holiday is pretty! But does he have any fics at all of him bttming? Nah. Don't gotta for him. Hm. Wonder why ( I know) .

And with the rise of biracial nepo baby kids in the nba, some of them rlly gravitate to the pg position bcs it's like the head of the machine, and they think they can run that well with all the experience of their pops. So all pgs being bttms are kinda just gonna turn into that qb scenario where it's all light/white pgs are bttms and the other guys can be included thru spoken word sometimes but Def not on paper. And I hate saying this bcs i feel like a Debby downer or smthing. I'm not even trying to call out anyone or anything, it's rlly just a personal vent noticing thing that i can't point out specifics to, i can just say I've felt things.

Ppl go into Fandom to have fun! I'm not trying to police shit. This is all personal venting. But like im here to have fun too, and when u happen to be able to notice more stuff, u kinda just. Notice it. And it doesn't feel fun

And I'm not saying they're totally ignored, dark skin ppl in media. We're def modernizing somewhat . But when dark skin ppl usually ARE included, it HAS to involve a lighter sided person. And it's usually the lighter person bttming and the dark topping. And like i can get it, u know. Sometimes it's just the personality dynamic where the appearance happens to have that! But sometimes the appearance seems to overwhelm the personality aspect, or the personality just isn't showing that strength in the fic and it starts to feel. Weird.

I'm not saying all ships where the lighter one bttms are bad tho. I'm not. But I am saying that it fucking sucks to always have to fight hard against 'absolutes' when the absolutes are always against u . Like. Idk. When i had a luka ship with dennis (a black player whos not lightskin) and mentioned how Dennis was a bttm and all a sudden i got an ask abt how luka can't be a top . Like. Alright man.

U know, cus it's like. U'd never get someone defending idk. Jaren like that. Unless ure me Lol. But that's the thing, like it always has to be me or smthing against the world which is fucking stupid bcs i hate that thinking. It's so selfish! Which makes it less fun to be in the Fandom sometimes bcs it feels even more isolated in an already isolated space sometimes. But that's a personal thing. Anyways

Yeah. It's just tiring sometimes.

It's like the only ships that have white/black player where the white guy is a top.. the black guys GOTTA be a power bttm or SMTHING to explain it like. We have to explain why our beloved princess white guy isn't bttming to idk some black dude lol. But if u reverse that then the white guy bttm doesn't have to be a power bttm bcs no one blinks an eye bcs it already makes sense to them or whatever. Lol.

Lol ..

[vorpalfae]

i hope you’re okay!!!!

honestly i'm not. i'm waiting to be transported STILL to mclean. i came to the emergency room cause i felt unsafe & i was tempted to hurt myself. i've been struggling with my mental health for a while now. my doctor started me on new meds for manic depression. i stopped taking the antidepressant because it gave me serious side affects. so i was already feeling bad. & then on top of that still being harassed by my stalker continually just pushed me over the edge. every day i feel like i'm struggling just to wake up in the morning and then i get bombarded with unwanted harassment despite begging them to leave me alone. its been going on for years now & despite trying my hardest ignore it, it really affects me when i'm already feeling so low. i'm tired of feeling this way and i'm tired of having constant anxiety bc ppl can't just leave me alone or stop watching my every move. i'm sure i'll get harassed or made fun of just for even saying how i feel in this post. i will talk about how badly its affecting me and they always dispute it or deny even doing anything or flip it around on me and say i'm doing it to myself. i just feel so helpless. i feel so horrible about myself as it is bc of manic depression and having a rare illness that makes me sick 24/7 to the point where i can barely function. and maybe autism has something to do with my inability to cope (idk because i just recently got diagnosed and i'm still learning about living with autism) but feeling like shit about myself already sucks & then everything i say or do gets made fun of or picked apart by someone i've never met and all their friends. i just cannot take it anymore. the internet is what i use to express myself and it used to be a safe space for me to do that. autism makes me feel like a scared little girl most of the time. i feel like that all the time and now i have that feeling every time i use social media too. and this isn't me blaming anyone for wanting to hurt myself. i was already having a really hard time mentally. but the harassment just significantly added to the stress and anxiety. i'm at my breaking point. i sought professional help at the emergency room yesterday and i'm still waiting to be taken to mclean. I've been there before and i had a horrific experience and i begged them not to send me😭😭 im praying it will be better this time since i have no choice now. i'm under section 12 which means i can't leave willingly until i've been cleared by a doctor saying i'm not a threat to myself. i guess i'll just have to have hope that my experience at mclean won't make me feel worse than i already do now. all i want is fucking peace. my thoughts make me want to vomit and just being alive is exhausting. i want to get better for myself and my kids. and i'm hoping whatever therapist/psychiatrist they make me see will give me ways to cope with ppl attacking me because i literally cannot handle it the way i am right now. and hopefully maybe get on medication for depression and impulse control that actually works because i came so close to self harm relapsing multiple times yesterday. im glad i at least got to the hospital before that happened. i don't want anymore scars.

[ashtraythief]

Hey! So ive been a long time reader of ur underneath verse (since like.. 2018? Maybe even 2017?) and i just wanted to drop by and tell u how much im enjoying rereading ur writing! Like in general i think this is one of my fav fics series just bc its so extensive and well done and thought out and fleshed out so well it works so well? Like seeing all the different angles and the way u choose to frame things is really fun for me and kinda inspires my own writing in some aspects.

Ive never read the whole thing all in one go before so ive decided to do that right now and im just about done with the pied pipers song - more specifically willys chapter. And i kinda needed to let u know that ur series really stands out to me just bc of how many glimpses into other characters and all these different povs of the same thing like on it stands out on a technical level but then ur actual writing of these things is so good and compelling and like as an outsider pov bitch it hits the spot for me so well? Like ur writing is never stale and its always interesting.

I specifically wanted to take this time to mention that i really love willy and winstons characters and how u went about it. Like im ngl the way u wrote them kinda makes me want to cry tears of happiness for them bc they have found ppl who appreciate them and they have connections with other ppl but then the bittersweet tang of jensen and willy is kinda fucking me up rn /pos djjdjdjd like in general u really do the bittersweet jensen is stuck undercover angle really well and it HURTS so good

But yes i dont really have a good concise message or comment to leave beyond the fact that i keep stopping every few sentences to get up and jump bc im so excited about what im reading i need to get rid of that excess energy lol so sorry if this is all over the place and a really messy message! I just really wanted to let u know how much im enjoying reading it all rn. Thank you so much for sharing ur writing with us and for continuing to write for this series its so fun!

omg nonnie, I'm kinda speechless here (this is the second wonderful message in two days so I'm kinda overwhelmed. is it send wonderful messages week somewhere??)

I just am so grateful and this message made me so happy. never apologize for maybe not having a five point outline lol, this is amazing.

The underneath verse has always been my fandom baby, so praise for it is already amazing, but the pied piper fic and Winston and Willy epsecially, it just makes my heart so full. Ten years ago, they definitely started out as stock characters of mob drivers, because I didn't think this fic would get so big, but then it did, and Willy especially became a real character. a) because I knew he'd fall in love with Jensen too, as anyone does really and b) because I looooove the bittersweet undercover Jensen shtick where I write from other character's POV and the reader knows how wrong they're getting it but they don't *mu har har* (yeah I'm a little mean sometime. sorry?)

but in all seriousness, the Willy chapter, I'ev been working on that for months. And I kept adding things and rewriting things and trying to get it perfect even though I know that most people who read the story mostly care about Jared and Jensen (which is totally fair and understandable), but I care about him and there are a few people out there who do too (and I love you for it, so much), but with Willy, I just wante to do this /right/. I've come to love him so much, and he's come to be so important to Jensen, it felt like he and Winston really deserve their own story told even though that's kind of ridiculous because they're not real, but they're a little real to me now. All this to say, nonnie, this comment and your appreciation of Willy means so fucking much to me. And my poor alpha reader who read like four drafts of this (seriously, M. is a saint) and my beta readers who then had to beta four iterations of this. To know that this effort is appreciated this much honestly make me cry a little (I am not having the greatest time right now, so I cry easily but the point still stands. Thank you.)

This message was actually such an energy boost I'm currently trying to fix the next timestamp, lol so I'll have something to post next month. You're a true treasure, nonnie <3

[fefairys]

now ive got quadrants on the brain specifically kismesissitude because i see the general attitude towards "do you use hs quadrants to label ur irl relationships?" as "i have a moirail/understand having a moirail but the black quadrants just dont work for humans, theyre for a fictional species" or "i have a kismesis but its like a joke" and im like lol. lmao even.

i guess it is my troll kinnie ass but the most common crush i get on people is a pitch one lmao.. my relationship with my fiance started as a kismesissitude and slowly morphed into kismoirailsprits over time, but like, we were a healthy kismesissitude and we still are partly kismesisses! idk if yall saw that gay little interaction we just had (scroll a few posts down on my blog lmao) but like we are still antagonistic towards each other a lot and our relationship started with us hating each other and was built around how much we annoyed each other.

its a very specific feeling and emotion to me! because i have dated people and NOT felt that way, too, so its not like "oh but everyones playfully antagonistic to their partners sometimes!" no no no this is so different. because when i was with my last girlfriend, yeah we would tease each other sometimes, but it wasn't the same feeling as Pitch Romance to me. it's a whole different feeling.

i very often get crushes on people where they annoy the hell out of me. i find them attractive, and even charming at times, but most of the time when they talk im like oh my god you are the most annoying person in the world. i want to make out with you about it. pitch feelings are about being ANGRY that you like you someone so much, to me. like "why the fuck do i like you so much when you're always getting on my nerves. why do i want to be around you all the time even though everything you say pisses me off. why do i want to kiss you." lmao. thats my experience at least! and also wanting to annoy them and rile them up in return. thats how i felt about juice at the start of our relationship, and i still have those feelings towards it now, though i also have other feelings like just plain and simple genuine Love and Affection without the annoyance as well. it fluctuates. depends on if we are annoying each other at the moment or not haha

i've told ppl this and they've been like "oh so its like tsundere" and im just like. I GUESS????? but to me it is so different like i feel like tsundere is when you like someone but cant admit it so you act like you hate them (maybe you even believe that you hate them, but truly, you like them) whereas kismesissitude is truly hating someone, finding them annoying and infuriating, but in an exhilarating way. i hate you and you hate me and its fun to annoy each other and watch each other get all mad.

the quadrant i'd personally never feel the need to be part of is the ashen one because its main purpose is to prevent cheating on ur kismesis and its like. well im polyamorous so. lol. i could see it being used in human relationships if its like, someone who functions as your moirail and helps mediate in arguments you have with other people where you/the other person are getting too angry with each other? i guess?

and also like. treating a moiraillegience as monogamous and something you can "cheat on" someone else with is definitely not the way to go imo. i mean im in a pale throuple rn. we call each other moirails because we trust each other more than anyone with talking about our feelings and stuff! but back in the day i remember people literally being like "he said *paps you* to my moirail what the fuck thats MY moirai only *i* can pap them!l" and its like alright calm down...

[bedazzlecunt]

wren, i know this is a somewhat personal question but have you ever felt unsafe or uncomfy when you went out all bimboesque? i'm a little scared of real life repercussions bc yes, while i do fantasize abt strangers taking advantage, i wouldn't want that to become a real, dangerous situation oof i hope u know what i mean. do you keep safe somehow? i'm sorry if this is too personal

omg no it's not too personal, and honestly i'm really grateful you asked. obviously this is a kink blog and i'm talking a lot about fantasy and fun and etc, but i really also love an excuse to talk seriously about it, especially since so much of the tumblr nsft community doesnt

the answer is yes, unfortunately. i'm lucky in that i live in a major city, where alt fashions are more common and turn less heads; it's not new york or anything, but i get way less shit than i did when i lived in Small Town USA. and it's a fucking shame that i sometimes feel like i have to compromise my style because men (and some non-men, but it's mostly men) can't behave. getting oggled or taken advantage of is sooo hot in theory, but in reality, that shit's just scary.

the thing is tho — at least in the major city i live in — i have gotten catcalled and whooped at nearly as much in long little house on the prairie style dresses as i have in miniskirts. the last time a man followed me anyplace i was in a knee-length selkie dress; not exactly the picture of sexy. this isn't to say that concerns about dressing too slutty aren't fair, but i want to emphasize that this shit is about men and their desire to punish folks who exist outside the 'appropriate' flavors of gender expression. it is not your fault or your clothe's fault if someone harasses, whether you're wearing a maxi dress with a high collar or god's shortest skirt. that's on the freak harassing you.

you have to navigate to what extent you're comfortable, and to what extent you're willing to compromise your style to avoid discomfort and stay safe. this is true of almost any alt-fashion, unfortunately. i'm extremely confident in myself and my style and hard to upset, so men catcalling or whatever neither bothers or scares me, but i still take some steps. i only go out in extra slutty fits when i'm with friends because i know men won't be as weird to me if i'm not alone, i stick to heavily populated areas when i am alone, and while i love to flirt and act ditzy and etc, if anybody starts crossing lines or getting too close, i abscond immediately. i also don't flirt with folks at bus stops or the like due to the risk that we'll then be stuck on a bus together and they'll know where my stop is and etc.

and like, this sucks! it fucking blows that i have to do this. but any person, especially fem ppl, who doesn't dress in a 'normal' way will have to navigate this until men learn to be normal. like i said, though; i turn more heads in a bimbo look, but in terms of actual harassment or shit, that often happens regardless of what i'm wearing, and i've luckily never been attacked or assaulted by a stranger. i wish i had a more coherent answer for you; something where i could say 'if you do xyz you'll be safe for sure' but that just doesn't exist. freaks will be freaks no matter how you look

this all being said — i will say that i get far more positive responses (particularly from women, lol) when i go out dressed to the slutty nines than i do negative, and overall it's fun and rewarding and a joy, or i wouldn't keep doing it. i get far more compliments than i do bad vibes, and i feel good. i don't want this answer to scare anyone out of a style they sincerely like. if you're just getting into it, just err on the side of caution at first while you feel out how your community reacts, and you can go from there.

[deancasforcutie]

#co-signed #(and personally I'm booting anyone saying they/the Destiel fandom used to get hatecrimed by Jensen at cons) (via @ironworked)

#like fuck. ‘the writers’ were never the ones calling anyone crazy. it was literally the fandom fighting with each other !!!! #writers being vague abt an ongoing project is normal #and also doubly so when you consider it was actually the NETWORK that was censoring destiel at every turn #like of course the creatives involved are going to be ambiguous when talking abt the topic directly #they are TRYING to put destiel INTO the show #every single cut like or scene was WRITTEN by a WRITER #the writers are not the big anti-destiel enemy. you want someone to blame look at the network aka TPTB #aka the chuck stand in for the final season that the writers were making a commentary about #chuck may be a ‘writer’ but by the end of the show they definitely painted him more as a network exec type with the whole ‘canceling #all his other shows (worlds)’ and explicitly talking abt the spn universe as his favorite show rather than story or book #but anyways! #every time I look at old fandom stuff where fans felt they were being told they were crazy it’s never been from the writers #and most often it was literally just….fandom in-fighting and anti-destiel ppl shitting on the ship and invalidating it #by calling ppl who shipped it delusional. which I mean. i have been in many fandoms and that has literally just the anti playbook #people who are always against a big ship will fight it by calling the shippers delusional #this is getting long but. I’d also argue most of the ‘convention hostility’ was also just. antis / wincest crowd being shitheads #the audience were the ones making things inhospitable to destiel fans #and I am sorry but. actors whose main experience with fandom shipping was ‘being harassed for yrs to the point where #threats were made against his wife and kids and also his wife was given gifts to purposely injure her’ being wary of yet another Big Ship #is completely understandable #and I don’t think ANY of jensen’s initial thoughts on destiel had anything to do with being ‘homophobic’ or hating the idea of it #i just think this man was Tired and also didn’t understand shipping or fandom stuff much and thought ‘oh no the same thing that happened #with wincest /j2 is going to happen with this’ #but that was over a decade ago now and he’s clearly changed his stance as we can see with how much he’s gushed praise for the confession #and had countless positive interactions with destiel fans #i think too many ppl conflate the hurt they felt as a teenager hearing an actor deny their ship and have blown it up into a huge Thing #without ever thinking abt what his perspective on shipping was up to that point #but anyways. no destiel fans you weren’t crazy but none of the ppl the fandom collective hold up as their Enemy are actually the Enemy #fandom (via @angelsdean)

#does anyone recognize the name meghan fitzmartin? she was dabb's assistant hired in season 12 and (co-)wrote two episodes in 14 and 15 #anyway she went on this great podcast where creatives talk about their influences and favourite media #without any prompting she went into a discussion about shipping your comfort character as a proxy for self-love and acceptance #specifically how she relates to dean and likes to read about him being loved and taken care of by castiel #like I DO get where the feelings of persecution are coming from and I've felt that way plenty of times before #but you can easily throw a rock in any direction and find a writer who either hints or full on says they support it (via @microsoftofficesuite)

#give me one - just one - actual verifiable citation if you're going to spew this shit #no one is better at gaslighting supernatural fandom than supernatural fandom (via @swordofsun)

next person who perpetuates the completely fabricated anti-adjacent fandom myth that "the writers" shot down queer dean and deancas interpretations of the text and "told us we were delusional" for seeing any of it is getting blasted directly into the boötes void

[golbrocklovely]

I was checking an oldish tag on here and saw some of your old asks about Stas where people told you everything she was doing, full transparency and you defended her like no other. Everything they spoke about came to light and we are now or have been seeing since Europe everything and more that people mentioned . So im curious (maybe you’ve said before but i didnt see it) what made you change your stance and open your eyes to her odd behavior especially towards Colby? The asks were pretty blunt and straight forward and you still found a way to curve every answer.

I checked the tag btw because i noticed today that not only did she promote Katrina on twitter, but made a tiktok to her song, told people shes her biggest fan, and has been liking a bunch of C4 edits and pics. I remembered seeing asks talking about her never supporting Kat only Colby so after seeing that i came back here to try and find what else those asks said and saw everything everyone has been saying is pretty legit.

i did say a while back why my feelings changed for stas, but i'll just state them again i guess lol

also holy shit this is long sorry about that lmao

so, originally, when ppl would come to me saying why they didn't like stas, to me it didn't feel like it was a legitimate reason. and i felt that way bc they would come on here, talk about her, but give no proof to their claims. just say that "oh i heard this" or "i think she did this" or "did you see she did this" and to me, none of it was enough proof to throw her off the island, so to speak. i mean, some anons talked about her liking edits as proof enough that she was shady or up to no good. ppl would use her likes on twitter as main example of "see! look how bad she is" and the tweet in question was either not there (bc she probs unliked it) when i would go looking for it or if it was about colby and her… it was harmless and not something like "colby and her should be together. they have something going on".

also, no offense to anyone that sent me asks in during that time period, but i don't exactly have the most faith in the fandom towards ppl outwardly hating on a girl bc she's close to colby. it's happen countless times. the amount of times i've been told that the reason a girl that colby's friends with or hooking up with or JUST STANDING NEAR is bad bc "she just gives me bad vibes"… let's just say, if i had a nickle, i'd be a rich woman. so when it started happening with her, i didn't think much of it. thought of it as jealousy or just over-protective fans.

but things started to change a bit, i would say, by summer. i think after one too many trips to vegas, my liking for her was dwindling. idk if she did something or what (bc at this point i don't remember), but the vibe changed around her and what she was doing. at least to me. not to mention, no matter what she did, it was drama. and that itself was exhausting.

then colby made that tiktok with her. and when he started deleting comments shipping the two of them together, that's when i knew oh, he really doesn't want to be shipped with her and i thought this was him actually laying down the law and finally putting his foot down to all the shipping that goes on between him and stas.

then europe happened. and i fucking KNEW this trip wasn't gonna end well. i felt it in my bones. or maybe i'm just really good at picking up patterns lol

what first started to gross me out, was finding out about her mom posting things. and look, i'm all for a supportive mother. and tbh idk if her mom ever responded to fans. but what concerned me was how much info she was sharing publicly. and then how many fans were searching for her mom, finding her page, and basically narrowing down where they were in brussels and all that. snc have been stalked before, have had their house broken into before, what they DO NOT NEED is someone with them basically giving their every location just bc those fans are subscribers.... or random ppl on her mom's facebook.

that's when i also noticed that her roommate was at least cognizant of fandom drama that had happened not too long ago bc she liked a tweet about it while it was happening. that turned me off quite a bit as well. and i know a lot of ppl bring up stas posting the video from colby's bedroom and honestly…. ngl that flew under my radar. it just didn't feel like anything to me at the time.

and then finally: tomorrowland. the amount of fans that upticked their talks of colby and stas when they were basically forced to hang out with one another the whole time bc kat and sam wanted their own time away (which is fine, don't get me wrong. but it just really didn't help the already existing issue of colby and stas being shipped) was super fucking annoying. i basically was getting upwards of 10 asks a day, and that's a light guesstimate, about the situation. and while i don't mind talking about something…. i don't want to talk about it that much.

then, the malishka thing happened. i literally ignored it on here bc i just couldn't talk about it. at first, i was angry at colby. like why would he post this this is so stupid. but as time has gone on, i've basically come to the lovely realization that stas is the one that posted it (also, according to some whispers i've heard she basically told her subs that she did. idk tho that's alleged). realistically, colby doesn't understand russian. he probably filmed her, showed her the video, and she typed that and posted it. she also had earlier post the pic on his story of her face zoomed in. at least, that's what i personally believe. and when asked what malishka meant, she probably lied or just didn't tell him bc he probably didn't rewatch his story.

bc something to note is that they had terrible wifi in tomorrowland. so he might not have even known about this whole thing until a day later or so.

and what made all of it worst was the fans' reaction on twitter. and the fact that a lot of the fans that came out and congratulated colby and stas for "finally being together" after "all this time of us knowing" were both ppl i followed and ppl my age……….. i basically was about done with the situation. and then of course she had to like a tweet about the malishka thing. and that solidified it for me.

and if THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, they came home from the trip and colby hung out with her one more time right before moving to vegas. he literally told us on xplrclub that he was gonna be THIRDWHEELING in vegas (aka laying it on AS THICK AS HE COULD that he was single), and that fucking night stas told her subs that she was going on a date. and wouldn't you believe it, but it was her and colby hanging out ! along with others, but no one saw them on her story. just her and colby.

after that, colby mentioned multiple times about being single, being young, and wanting to have fun while in vegas. and i think that's when the tides personally turned for stas. she had fun playing house with colby in europe, she had her fun of living the fantasy of what it would be like to be colby's gf, to be Y/N. but reality set in when they came home. i think the last night they hung out, i think she confessed how she felt, and he rejected her. and look, she has every right to be upset about being rejected. i get being rejected, especially by someone you feel you have a connection to, SUCKS ASS. i'm not denying that. however, you caused your own delusions. colby was literally hooking up with six flags girl multiple times this past year, LITERALLY BROUGHT HER TO A HANG OUT SESSION WITH THE CORE FOUR, …..and you think he was into you???? the same man that deleted comments about the two of you together????????? the same man that FOR YEARS has begged the fandom to stop shipping him with every girl he's friends with??????? that man… was into you?

i mean, he went on a (assumed) date with a girl in vegas and stas tweeted like four things that night about being hurt or whatever (idk at this point i don't remember all the details) and then on top of that deleted said tweets. maybe something happened between them. i doubt it wholeheartedly tho. i think she loved the fantasy of them being an item, but he wanted no parts of it.

bc that's the thing: colby loves to tease us sometimes. like with amber. he loves making the fans freak out. but when he does shit like that, he chose to be part of the game. this is the only time he asked not to be included…. and she did it anyway. i don't think he knew the extent of breadcrumbs she was leaving for fans to speculate. i think when he saw what happened with the malishka shit (bc again he probs didn't see it until a day or two later bc of wifi and just wanting to enjoy his vacation) i think stas left a soured taste in his mouth. and then she made it worst by telling fans that her and him were going on a date…. and that was enough for him to be done with her. that's why at kat's bday party he sat as far from her as possible and seemed to not want any parts of the party. and that's why she's talking about being rejected now. bc i personally think they are done being friends as of rn.

i mean… it would make sense too. bc the moment he was hurt by what stas did, who did he run back to after all this time? shea, the original stas lmao

and as for stas all of a sudden being up kat's ass, to be as bluntly honest as i can be, i do not fucking care. i've gotten a bunch of asks about it. i can't be more frank than literally telling yall i don't care. i'm tired of talking about stas. bc even tho i don't like her, and i do think she is a bit of a snake, not everything she does is newsworthy or needs to be talked about. she liked something that implied feelings for colby? who cares. she wrote a poem about him? who cares. she wants to leave comments about how much she loves kat? omg who cares. we all know at this point she wants attention.

STOP GIVING IT TO HER.

[althephie]

𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 - 𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐢𝐣𝐢

to 100-0

like so sad

do i feel bad for doing this to yall yes. but i am curel to myself too! so have fun!

𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 - 𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐢𝐣𝐢

- akaashi took advantage of his childhood friend y/n knowingly, and ghosted her for someone else.

I got my driver's license last week

her e/c looked out of the front of her car watching herself drive past down her street.

Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me

the female could feel her eyes watering as her tears stream down her face wetting it. reminding her of the day that she found the love of her life with someon else. oh how much she cried that day.

she wanted to punch his stupid perfect face

perfect eyes

perfect body

perfect everything

akaashi was just perfect.

that it was too good to be true

To finally drive up to your house But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around

y/n was so heartbroken when she saw him at their favorite cafe with someone else. he had ghosted her for the past 2 weeks and barely contacted her. they were dating still and it hurt her.

on a very cold winter day, she decided to go get some coffee. instead of happy memories rushing in the heartache did.

And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me

she was a pretty blonde foreign girl, who was tall and had beautiful green eyes. she was definitely older than y/n and akaashi. she was mature. she had a perfect body.

she was perfect.

perfect eyes

perfect body

perfect everything.

the blonde was also just perfect.

She's everything I'm insecure about Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

the h/c was driving mindlessly as despair surged into her body as if it was her only life support. the only thing that kept her alive was her own depression.

ironic isn't it?

the thing that killed many, made her stay alive.

And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone

another round of tears flooded her eyes as a sinking feeling in her chest bloomed. she remebered confronting him alone.

he kept a straight face.

his once warm eyes were now cold.

he looked at her with such disgust and annoyance.

it broke y/n...it made her feel so insecure.

so useless

so stupid

all the dark-haired male had to say was....

" bye."

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

Lifeless e/c eyes looked and examined the house that he lived in remebering all the times they had in his front yard.

the small cheesy picnics

the snowball fights with their friends

the stargazing

the pictures they took of each other.

the warm feeling of the sun touching their skin while their hearts skipped a beat each time they touched or made eye contact.

And all my friends are tired Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them

her friends

their friends

they did not know about his girlfriend, until they all reunited during spring break of her 2nd year of college. instead of seeing y/n and akaashi being lovey dovey. they saw akaashi and some girl.

who even was she?

y/n’s once lively self was dull and stoic. usually she would jump into bokutos arms and fangirl over how cute hinata was still, but instead they all received a fake smile. it broke their hearts and angered many.

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah Today I drove through the suburbs And pictured I was driving home to you

bokuto, the one who introduced you two as children was offended. she was his cousin. he asked akaashi for his reasons without anyone knowing. akaashi just looked away and shrug.

And I know we weren't perfect But I've never felt this way for no one, oh

“ i didn’t feel the spark anymore, but when i met Kila. she became the sun in my eyes. she is so bright and gorgeous. she is just...amazing….”

“ y/n was just the moon during a winter sky. cute but dull and boring. she could be bright, but did not stand out, i guess ”

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

in that moment, akaashi’s grey-blue eyes widened when he saw a fist coming straight to his face. Akaashi fell to the floor and looked up at his senpai in shock.

he had never seen bokuto look that scary before. instead of going into emo mode, he went into pissed off mode. His eyes piercing into the younger males soul

the nerve

Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

“ WE ARE ALL CHILDHOOD FRIENDS!! SHE LOVED YOU!! AKAASHI” the white-haired male shouted with tears running down, “ YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BROTHER!! YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD NEVER HURT HER!! YOU ASSHOLE!”

“ Y/N IS NOT DULL!! SHE IS NOT JUST CUTE! SHE IS FUCKING GORGEOUS WAY BETTER THAN THAT STUPID BLONDE YOU HAVE NOW!! “

unknowest to them, y/n was sitting against the wall of the building the two had met up and cried silently.

“ YOU-Yo...You promised me...you promised.”

bokuto weeps falling onto his knees infront of his bestfriend.

he promised to take care of her and love her

to never hurt her

and he failed

“ i guess her light is to bright that it...*choke* it blinded you akaashi....it blinded you from seeing her beauty.”

Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

this y/n shook her head and woke up from her daydreaming. she did not know that she stopped the car in front of his house for a minuts. the s/c female sighed shakingly and pushed on the pedal to continue on going.

she needed to move on...but she knew she would never.

Sidewalks we crossed I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing

she continued on driving more hearing his laugh ringing in her ears as memories kept on flushing through. she hoped he was happy

she hoped it was worth it for him

losing all his friends

losing his bestfriend

losing her

Over all the noise God, I'm so blue, know we're through But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

present y/n looked up with a microphone in hand as she watched the audience infront of her sing the lyrics.

they all looked at her with eyes of support

the same ones her friends and family gave her as she tried to move one

y/n broke down smiling and blowing kisses at her fans as she sang her song

I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one

she was letting it out

she finally moved one

she wanted everyone to know that she was inlove once to and that no one is alone.

she felt free and happy

and...she got her drivers license. yeah, she was 20 years old, and should have gotten it earlier, but she had him...she had him to take her away from here.

now she has herself and her license

one that they planned to get it together after akaashi said that she needed one even if she sucked at driving. it made the two laugh.

now that was just a memory

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone

she sung softly

not noticing a pair of grey-blue eyes staring up at her with awe. the girl he called “ dull and boring” was far from that, he was blind.

her brightest was so bright that it made him blind.

“ whoever broke y/n like that it stupid”

“ right? when she said that her ex ghosted her and left her for someone else it was so sad! they were childhood friends too!”

“ his lost.”

“ it was your lost akaashi.” he muttered to himsef watching the female laugh and cry at the song, she wrote about their love story.

'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

she finally felt free after writing this song, but her love for the boy was still there. first love is hard fo forget of course. it’s the one that hurts the most.

she was not perfect

he was not either

it took him to realize how much he needed her

when he let her go

akaashi was wrong

she was bright

she was not dull

he was just blind to it all...

blinded by her beauty

blinded by her personality

and her glow

that it made him ignorant to it all.

maybe his beautiful y/n was too bright for him

too bright for him to handle.

as i said sorry but not sorry T-T

i am also crying tbh. if yall are.

bc idk why i hate it when ppl cheat but i keep reading angsty fanfics about it bc they are so good. don't cheat ppl it hurts

i will be uploading more on my masterlist soon! so watch out!

[angelguk]

i dont really care about whatever that anon is talking about but when i read u say that if it wasnt for ur voting bts wouldnt exist made me chuckle lmaooo i as well have been an army for a long time. i was a 2AM stan back then when bang sihyuk was their producer. heck i was there during glam lol. and i was on army twt fighting for my life when they had their first win, when exols and vips trended sajaegi every single day, their first daesang, exols and their white house petition, the black oceanS on mama and everything else that came after. i never felt like they owe me shit though (bc let's not lie here, they dont) i mean i wasnt held at gunpoint by bighit being forced to collect beats for music shows... i did that bc i liked their music and their art. their success has nothing to do with me lmaoo. i dont really give a fuck if ppl criticize them bc it's their opinion and thats not gonna affect them in any way but to take credit of their hard work?? like imagine training for years, sacrificing your childhood, working your ass off 24/7 just to get where u are right now and here's a random person on tumblr saying if it wasnt for them and their kkt accs u wouldnt have been where u are rn 😭😭😭 ive had a lot of entitled people take credit for my hard work and seeing other people do the same to others is just so fucking annoying lol

sorry but u clearly lack reading comprehension or something. a lot of people on the internet like to do this:

and as u can see im not allowing it anymore. there is no where i took credit for bts hard work (that is the inference u made). everything you mentioned i was there for too (fighting exols r twt was so 😭😭). i've always said bts r incredible artists but one thing you cannot deny is a celebrity's success is not only dependent on themselves but also the effort their fans make. im sure you remember how small armys were in comparison to sones, exols etc. like it was EFFORT. and most kpop groups have a lifespan of 7 years, this is common knowledge. so idk why you're finding it difficult to understand me when i said: my efforts (and those of countless others) as initial fans of bts contributed to where they stand today. bts thank army (both new and old before anyone throws a hissy fit) for a reason.

[princess-from-another-galaxy]

i'm a fan of wayv and what lucas did, irdc if he did it or not. those girls knew what to expect because he's a celebrity. i mean, not saying that he can do whatever to those girls because of it but they're being too dramatic about their relationship with him and as a mature adult, if a relationship doesn't work out, simply just leave instead of pouring or exposing what he/she did wrong just to destroy them. smh these girls apparently seem like they want attention. i've been cheated on before and yeah it hurts like a bitch but did i tell the whole wide world my business? (besides here since i'm telling you and whoever reads this post lmao) you take it like it is and move tf on and to also add on (from a cheater's perspective) i've had a good friend who cheated on her partner and guess why? because he wasn't fulfilling her needs/wants and she had to seek that elsewhere. of course at the time she was in a bad place and felt insecure. she obv knew that it was wrong and admit that she fucked up badly. as a close friend, i wasn't no bitch and up and left her because she was a "cheater" and exposed what she did to her partner. and i am not trying to compare her situation with lucas's anyway but i am saying, it's normal for ppl to cheat and sleep around. (i am not with cheating and sleeping around personally but hey, if a person does that, it's on them and their life and decisions. unless it's harming the other party, i hope they realize their mistakes and wrongdoings and fix it) to me, it all depends on the person's mature mindset. i hope it make sense? but ya, at the end of the day, life goes on. i hope lucas owns up to his past mistakes (if he did it or not) and let it help him grow into a better person. we grow and learn and fuck shit up everyday so 😆 anyway i gtg back to work i'm slacking off lolol

The fact that you sent me this while at work cracks me up ngl 😅

I think that cheating is just one of those things that when they happen, they shouldn't have any affect on your professional life. It is 100% the couples problem, and it shouldn't be dragged anywhere else, regardless of who the lesson is or what they do. (Also if the cheater starts dating someone else and you tell their new so, it's a little bit petty, but they did cheat on you, so I feel like that's fair)

From what I've seen, if these relationships were real (which 1 of them literally claimed to Lucas's surf coach from keep running, but the actual coach just made a statement saying she never dated Lucas so 😬🤨), they didn't seem at all to be serious, and if I was in a non serious relationship with a celebrity, i wouldn't expect them to be not see anyone else... (But that could just be a me thing).

The apology was so vague that as far as we know he could have been apologizing to hendery for jalapeño not being released. Right now is really just waiting and seeing...

(also proof if the surfing coach thing if anyone wants it)

[aro-culture-is]

1)I'm aro & even tho I came to know about that term just recently I've alys had the 'aro' personality & those who know me knows it. I'm 23 & never been in a relation. I'm also introvert so I don't really have close friends & i don't desire other's company whether romantic or not. When I was 14 I had this guy frn & I guess we were pretty close. I stopped talking to him over some argument about he wanting me to be his gf. I wasn't planning on not speaking with him forever but he died a week later

2)So since I'm in 20s and suddenly everythings about finding the missing piece crap I always get pressured into seeking it. I tell my mom time and again that it's not for me but she keeps pointing out that I'm shy introvert and I don't know what I'm missing and the story of that guy. I honestly don't have much memory of him now but she tells me that I was devastated and she was worried sick for me cause she thought he was my bf. So now I'm confused and try to look at myself w/o those things

3) but I can't. I don't know if I need therapy and this aromantic is sth in me that can be fixed. I don't mean to degrade the word. And I don't know if I want it fixed even if it's fixable. I don't know how to answer to my mom bringing up possible trauma that may be possible for me being aro. There has to be other people with similar situation. What is on the other side?

4) sorry this this getting too long but I want to add about how he died to get a gist of how fucked up it was. I used to help him with studies and we often had extra classes where I used to go with him insisting that he go since he had difficulty getting decent grades. That day I didn't call him as I said I wasn't talking with him. He had gone for swimming when we had class. He drowned in a river nearby. It was never known if it was accidental or not.

--

TWs: trauma, implied suicide (as a possibility), internalized arophobia

okay... so, i’m going to preface this with the fact that regardless of the aromantic side of things, the language that you used throughout this would make me inclined to suggest therapy regardless. i’m not a professional, i’m just a 20yo who’s seen a lot of the growth of the aro community on tumblr over the last 7 years.

the reason i’m saying this is specifically that you mention “i guess we were pretty close”, “don’t have much memory of him now”, etc., especially paralleled with how you keep mentioning that you’re getting info about this from your mother. again, i’m not a professional, but that speaks to me of a traumatic situation (aka: something that you were not emotionally capable of processing when it happened) in which you either didn’t form memories well (a stress response, but this seems unusually severe in my limited understanding) or possibly have repressed it to some degree. both are totally normal responses, but nonetheless it might help to speak to a qualified professional about your experience with this if it’s distressing you enough to ask me, a random internet blog, about it in this detail.

additionally, in all honesty, i’m concerned that your only source of info seems to be your mother. while i’ll say in full disclosure that my view is impacted by my own (shitty) relationship with my mother, many parents want their children to lead what they picture to be a perfect life, to the point of causing damage in their attempts to mold their children into those lives. if this specifically is only being brought up when you talk about being aro / in conjunction with conversations about dating, that would lead me to suspect this is the case.

with regards to the aromantic side of this ask:

1) being aromantic is first and foremost about attraction. if you don’t think you’ve ever, or rarely, felt romantic attraction? you’re aro. you don’t have to claim the label if you don’t want to, but I think in your case it sounds like you do want to.

2) with ppl assuming that you were dating someone especially when you were 14, i’d disregard anything they say. at least in USA culture, mothers especially are poor judges of who is and is not dating in my experience, and typically assume any friends who happen to be a guy and a girl must actually be dating. literally it’s so rare for parents, especially mothers in this culture not to assume that that i actually cannot think of a person who i know who didn’t have their parents make that assumption at least once when it wasn’t true.

3) the relationship between aromanticism and trauma is often personal. ppl who have experienced trauma that they believe caused them to be aro are still aromantic if they chose to label themselves such, and it is directly unhealthy to take that control away from a trauma victim. while again, i am not a professional, i was given basic training about how best to support a victim of trauma, and the number one thing is that you must give them the reigns. they ultimately must have power over what happens to them. empowerment is extremely important.

that said: studies do find that the average alloromantic person experiences their first crushes around the age of 10. if you personally don’t recall having had any crushes before this experience, I wouldn’t be quick to describe your aromanticism as stemming from trauma. if you did have crushes, but you recall picking a person to have a crush on, that’s not what an alloromantic person calls a crush, that’s what an aromantic person who is trying to fit in calls a crush. so. there’s that to think about.

4) from the last point: “curing” aromanticism. if and only if your lack of attraction stems from trauma do i believe there is a chance that therapy could help to unlock any form of attraction you used to have. in all honesty, though, I would strongly advise that if you do believe this is the correct course of action for you, you cannot go into this with a therapist who isn’t respectful of queer identities. you cannot go into this with the expectation that everything will “return to normal”. trauma is complex. therapists with no knowledge of aromanticism could easily do harm simply because they aren’t familiar with the fact that people who don’t experience romantic attraction can live fulfilling lives.

--

this ask is complex. i’m really hoping i’ve answered it the best i can, but ultimately, all i can do is say this:

i’m sorry that you experienced this. what happened was not your fault, and you deserve to be able to move forwards with your life regardless and feel content with your life.

for as long as you want it, the label aromantic is yours to claim. no one can take that from you. sometimes, well-meaning people may try, because they don’t know better than to assume it is harming you. that does not mean that they know you better than you know yourself.

trauma is complicated, and healing from it can feel daunting. however, therapy can help you process what happened then, what is happening now, and come to a conclusion about how best to move forwards. it sounds to me like you harbor a feeling of guilt about a situation that, no matter what, was not your fault. accident or not, anyone who tries to imply that it was your fault is wrong. i know that my words as a stranger might not carry much weight, but if nothing else I want you to know that you are allowed to stop carrying this weight.

this ask is complex because in all honesty? i don’t think is about aromanticism. as someone who is currently in therapy, and who regularly discusses my own trauma with my therapist, i’m reading a lot of the same types of feeling i’m currently confronting in your ask.

best wishes

[skrunksthatwunk]

THROWINF MYSELF DOWN A CCHIMENY SO I CAN DIE SLOWLY IN THE CORBWEBS

YEAHH‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

god im glad you're so Completely Normal about them im going to hold you to that talking about them for hours thing bc every time you add to this i think of like eight other things i've been meaning to talk about or haven't even thought of. horrible beautiful entropic kuwameshi discourse wherein brainrot begets brainrot. we are mad scientists shaking hands and everything is on fire and we're eprobably married or something. ok here goes. first things first: fUCKIGNucjgun. ourhfhh. secondly: the yusuke side of kuwameshi makes me want to rip my teeth out like yusuke thinks no one loves him and then boom the wake happens and i think if he wasn't so [gestures vaguely] emotionally stunted he'd maybe think a little more about what it means that kuwabara kept running back to him again and again even if it meant limping away and what it means to him to be loved for no reason. without anything to gain. he never had anything to offer anyone really he was just a dirty scrappy smart-mouthed kid so no one loved him (or so he felt) and yet here is this fucking guy who just loves the everloving shit out of him and he's kind of great? he's kind of an amazing person?? he's kind of wonderful and strange and a doofus and noble and fun and oh well i guess i have to make sure nothing happens to him because i could kill everybody in the world and then myself and it wouldn't make a dent in the vengeance debt i'd be owed. in a bro way of course.

hes fucking unforgivably ridiculous is my point. god. hhhhhhhhh

minutes away from smashing in all my neighbors' windows with a baseball bat over this but instead i will say YEAH THE KUWABARA MASOCHISM LINE. I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT. and not just because of my penchant for weird homoerotic dudes-fighting media but because yusuke too one look at him thought "oh this guy again" and said "you're one of those intricate rituals guys aren't you" with lethal force. if i was kuwabara and he told me that i think i actually would have died on the spot that would have killed me. he's right of course but still

OH AND THE TETHER TO HUMANITY THING see team urameshi (minus genkai) each fall along this little punnet square im gonna make now hold on save to drafts

ok it's an oversimplification but this creates a sort of gradient where kuwabara is the most human/representative of humanity and hiei is the most demon/representative of demonkind and kurama and yusuke fall into more ambiguous/transitional zones over the course of the story, where what exactly they are is a little more complicated. kurama's obviously human-adjacent and his character's about that ambiguity the whole time that's like. literally how we're introduced to him, but yusuke becomes demon-like/ambiguous much more distinctly (though he is always far more sympathetic towards demons and morally gray ppl/outcasts than anyone else in the square, which skews him more demon-aligned than kuwabara, if we wanna think of it that way (see yusuke befriending previous opponents/enemies of both demon and human varieties while kuwabara tends to only skew human, with kurama being an exception and hiei being a much more difficult/begrudging exception (just like how yusuke is an exception to hiei and kuwabara is a begrudging exception to him. hiei and kuwabara's foilship on this front is insane to me but i digress)).

and once yusuke wakes up and says it's mazokuing time and atavisms all over the place kuwabara's the last one that's purely objectively distinctly human and that isolates him and makes him feel like he can't follow. they're all going back to demonland to do demon shit and even if he could keep up with them he knows he wouldn't belong, wouldn't match with what they were or what they'd become. and he doesn't want to feel out of place in team urameshi any more than he already does (hiei's actually in a similar boat, reflected in his hesitancy to engage with humans, humanity, the team, and friendship kinda broadly. it's an insecurity they both share, though much of the source of that also comes from being rejected for being seen as a bloodthirsty monster, something he shares with yusuke and that is addressed. again, yusuke's more gray position on things makes it easier for him to get hiei, whereas kuwabara (as much as he's looked down upon as a bloodthirsty punk by some) clings to his honor code as a way of distinguishing himself and proving them wrong, and thus isn't really able to reach hiei. but hiei has his own honor code and shows surprise and dismissal at the idea of humans having honor codes. again, this is something they have in common, that anti-the-other-side bias despite having a good bit in common. oh my god. anyway), see his reaction to finding out genkai died and no one told him, etc. he is yusuke's primary tether to humanity and his old self as focused on by the story (as well as keiko, though with different emphases) and they both let yusuke go. yusuke leaves and kuwabara, for once, does not follow him. he needs to move on. (it's a lot like how keiko is portrayed. yusuke's shit wears on them both so so much ough)

so when kuwabara finally chooses not to follow, to stop chasing after yusuke, in effect trying to reform his identity around himself rather than yusuke and living his own life and accepting that as much as he loves him it's not meant to be, it means that the healthiest thing for him is to stay at home. to be away from yusuke because he means so much to him, because he's nothing without him, so maybe he can love him in a way that hurts less. and it sucks. it's brutal. and kuwabara pushes on anyway.

and after all that, after taking some time to figure himself out (and in turn giving kuwabara some space to figure himself out), yusuke decides to come back. he chooses to chase after kuwabara, to rejoin his loved ones, to return and love and be loved again. to accept the world that treated him like shit and never thanked him for risking him and his friends' lives to save it and that he resented and that he ran from. he comes back home to kuwabara. he gives up fighting (for the most part) like he did. he settles down. he comes home, because humanity and love are worth it. because kuwabara and all he represents and all he is is worth it.

and ain't that fuckin peachy that kuwabara's love is finally returned (both in that he comes home and yusuke's care from him is actually expressed outside of life-or-death situations)? (head in my hands screaming bawling my eyes out)

i don't mean to say "humans nice demons bad therefore it's good yusuke returned home" btw because like. frankly i have watched the show and am capable of basic reading comprehension. that's the whole damn point of the demon human thing is that it's not that simple. etc. what i like about yusuke returning home and returning to kuwabara and humanity is more that it shows him coming to love and accept the broken fucked up world he came from.

yusuke comes home to live with the people who love him in spite of every reason he has not to. because the people are worth loving even when they spit on him and the world is worth saving even when he's never thanked for it. yusuke's not really an honorable guy (not in an honor-code sense), but he gives people chances. he gives people chances over and over because he knows what it's like to be dismissed and mistrusted and he gives the world a chance over and over and over and he is rewarded for it as much as he is punished for it and goddamn. he keeps trying so much he comes back from the dead twice. sheesh. and yusuke coming home is him giving demonhood and the demon world a chance and trying to listen to himself and figure out if that's the place he belongs and deciding "no, because most of the people i love are in the human realm. so i'm going back." like he has from the beginning, yusuke chooses his loved ones. he has people he cares for in the demon realm and that demonness is a part of him, and i think he accepts that. but these are the people he wants to be around the most, the people he loves the most, the place where he wants his roots to stay.

he goes back to the human realm because the things he loves the most, more than endless fights or adventure or strange new landscapes, novelty and impermanence and relative anonymity, is here. being known and loved. loving and knowing and staying long enough to watch things change and grow and die.

he goes back because those things that are so precious to him can't follow. or, in the case of kuwabara, they weren't willing to follow.

point is the show ends at a perfect-as-it-could-be place for kuwameshi actually becoming something more healthy and balanced for the both of them. love that can express itself in ways besides sacrificing yourself for them and listening to them mourning you in the most excruciating way possible and then not talking about it afterwards. head in my hands AGAIN they're esufkucingsdl;jfasdfd. hell on earth. phew

thinking about how when hiei kurama and kuwabara were trying to bust out of itsuki's interdimensional monster guy and kurama was like ok. itsuki we're going to torture you until you let us out. so we can fight sensui 4-v-1 kuwabara was so desperate to save yusuke that he was fine with both of these plans that he otherwise would have found so dishonorable he woulda died to avoid them. but not if it's for yusuke. and when sensui kills him anyway kuwabara's also fine with 3-v-1 if it means he gets to avenge yusuke, even if it means humanity basically gets wiped out because of it. kurama and hiei are the same, but it's kuwabara who most consistently risks his life by clinging to his honor code, and here is probably the one time he breaks it. bc he can't lose yusuke again. if he doesn't even know who he is without yusuke then how is he supposed to be the same guy with the stupid honor code? like that matters now. he can't be the bigger man if he's barely even a person without him. jeeeezzzzz

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am very much enjoying my vague void! it's currently blasting hozier at full volume and that's almost louder than my internal screaming (don't worry, everything is fine, i just saw a spider)

i've never once in my life have followed a recipe correctly. all of my measurements are completely random and whatever happens happens. it is no longer in my hands. whatever eldritch entities exist take the wheel. and i absolutely refuse to spell anything in english without autocorrect because y'all have way too many double letters and random vowel placement

thank you! sadly, i won't have a break right now, because we just had christmas vacations, but the start of the new semester is always pretty chill. and you're absolutely right, i should take up necromancy! the snow and the cold will add to my mysterious vibes. i just need to get a big black cape with a hood to complete the aesthetic

i definitely picture everything above 5'6 feet as the same height. 5'7 and 6'2? the exact same thing. no difference here

how is morepork a real bird name. it's just... more pork? but the bird is magnificent. i completely approve of your first order as bird queen, not that you need approval from mere peasants like me, but it's a great order. ohhh salps look really cool, and it does look a lot like it! when you said boob implant i thought of mermaids and them using salps as boob implants but then i realised wait wouldn't jellyfish be better for that? because of their shape? ignoring their little leggies they're quite boob shaped, no? and then i realised that i was thinking about mermaids and alive boob implants... if i had to think it, you have to read it. i'm sorry

i was sold before but now i'm even more sure that i want to hire you. and I'll make sure to have lactose free cheese for the backflips (unless you want the lactose version? i'm not judging). will the biting of ankles cost extra?

that sounds like a brilliant set-up for a horror movie where they kill off all the children one by one. it's absolutely horrifying. if something like that would've happened to me i would've most likely just passed out. whatever happens afterwards is not my problem. and now i really don't want to know what the hell your leg was caught on because that seems like knowledge that would get me killed

ah so you're a fellow dirt eater? according to my mom my favourite thing to do outside when i was a little kid used to be eating sand. just shovelling handfuls of it into my mouth and crying when my mom made me spit it out. which i refuse to believe. if there are no photos it didn't happen

you warm climate people are starting to make me think that i'm better adjusted to the cold than i thought i am! it's either that or our buildings are better heated. i definitely don't know if anyone else calls hot water bottled hotties but i like it so from now on i'm using it

that's so cute! i was clearly a way more selfish child because when i found any amount of money i just kept it and bought candy as soon as i could. i clearly couldn't save money then and i can't now. we have stores like that (or i'm assuming that they're like that solely based on how they sell lollies) and they used to be my favourite thing because you could get so many lollies for such a small price!! and my mom even used to let me order for myself sometimes so i always felt like a very big girl jsjshsbsjk

also the fact that i can't send pictures on anon is a crime (yes i know why and it's good that that's not possible because can you imagine anons being able to send pictures? oh no is all i have to say about it) but anyways. because i have this one super cursed photo that reminded me of you and now i can't share it :((

duuuuude, sick void bro. sounds like a vibing void. I feel like I haven’t seen a spider in awhile. Other than daddy long legs. But they’re chill. They mind their own business. 

I nearly always follow recipes exactly. My mum is like oh cook this for about 7 minutes? Yeah sure. I’ll take a wild guess. I’m like they say exactly 7 minutes so I’ll set a timer for 7 minutes and start a stopwatch so if it does seem to need more than 7 I can keep an eye on the extra time and be aware of exactly how long it takes me for next time. Other people are like oh let's see I have [lists 5-10 things in their fridge], hmm...oh I know what I could make with that! I’m like I have beans in my freezer because one recipe required them and no other recipes I know how to make do so what am I supposed to do with these now,,, this is stressful,,, basically I barely know how to cook and recipes are the only things saving me in that area. That is entirely fair. Except for the fuck duck, and murder is not the word you want surely, situations, it’s pretty helpful.

Ohhh I see. At least the start is chill! For a little! Before your entire situation spirals out of hand and you’re behind in every class and it’s taken you a whole day to read 10 pages and you’re exhausted and it’s only week 2. Just me? ok. fair. anyway. I want a cloak so bad. One of my uni friends tempted me to class because she said she was wearing a cloak so my depressed ass honest to god dragged myself out of bed and to said class just to see it. It was worth it. They’re incredible. Everyone should own a big cloak for the aesthetic.

I’m glad it isn’t just me hahaha. I can visualise my own height in feet but everything else is just the same size that is a vague amount taller than me, mentally.

It’s also known as the ruru. But the name morepork amuses me. It’s named after the call it makes haha. It does sound like it’s asking for more pork if you know to listen for that. thank u for ur approval, it means a lot, turns out becoming bird queen didn’t ACTUALLY get rid of my anxiety disorder weirdly enough so validation is great! lmaooo. What if the jellyfish stung them tho? At least salps wouldn’t do you dirty like that. The mermaids would just look like there are hundreds of bugs crawling around in their boobs, flesh shifting as they float around. Which is a vibe. If you’re into that. Jellyfish WOULD make a more solid, single, implant, some of them are definitely boob shaped. But that’s kinda boring no one’s gonna be traumatised by that. Salps on the other hand...yeah, that sight will DEFINITELY traumatise someone.

To be PERFECTLY honest I haven’t done a backflip in years but for lactose-free cheese? Dude. I’ll be going back to training. Gonna be the best backflip you’ve ever seen. As long as it’s not Tasty cheese I am content, but lactose free IS better. The biting of ankles will not cost extra, it is a pleasure to be allowed to do that.

Oh it absolutely would be. It’d be very funny if it reached the wider world bc people would probably be like ok but who would send kids into the bush like that,, it’s an odd concept. meanwhile everyone who grew up in nz is gonna be like y’all, you’re not gonna fuckin BELIEVE what i experienced growing up, it’s real dude. On one hand, I feel like murdering kids in a movie is questionable, on the other hand, It exists, so maybe people would be down for it. I feel like it’d be a good concept even if it wasn’t murdery tho. Like psychological horror? I’m not sure if I’m using that category correctly I don’t watch much horror. A kid following the rope but then being shifted into a different horror dimension but they never take the blindfold off because their teachers said not to and they’d probably have to let go of the rope to do it...I feel like this could work super well as a short film. The viewers see everything. The child just knows something is off and no one is coming when they call for help. I am so down for this. I also do not want to know what my leg was caught on. Some things I am better off not knowing.

yes! I am a fellow dirt eater! We had a sandpit at home (that’s a little bold. It was a large plastic shell that my parents filled with sand. technically a sandpit. but not fancy sdflsdkfsdf) but I don’t think I ever tried to eat it. Then again, I possibly did and just don’t remember because there’s no photo evidence of that one. I’d have to ask my parents sdfhsjdfs, I would however fully believe them if they said yes. it’s very characteristic of me. I don’t doubt it for a second. muuuum that’s my emotional support sand don’t make me spit it out smh the disrespect these days.

Oh I’m absolutely terrible even by most people’s standards around here when it comes to cold and hot temperatures. I remember sitting in the sun in my school shirt and school jersey in summer on a blazing day like it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it? Meanwhile my friends were in the shade absolutely dying from the heat. Likewise in winter I’d be shivering, teeth chattering, dying with my long sleeve thermal, my school shirt, my school jersey, my school jacket, my longs, warm socks and sneakers and gloves and school scarf while ppl would be walking around in a shirt and shorts like it’s a bit warm this winter huh? my body didn’t learn how to thermoregulate and it shows. But yeah NZ does also have a reputation for shittily insulated buildings and such. It shows. skhdfsfs if it’s not common use maybe don’t say can i have a hotty to someone without context but otherwise go ahead lmao. it’s a fun shortened version.

I was typically a very good saver, to the point where my extended family started gifting me gift cards and vouchers for Christmas and my birthday because if they just gave me money I’d put it in my bank account to save towards uni once I hit like, 12 years old. Which I think was a smart move. But apparently, I’m supposed to buy myself ‘something nice’ with it. I think I’m still an okay saver but I’m not as strict anymore. I’m aware of how much I can spare and I’m not just like you can never get anything for yourself ever, so I do get lil things for myself sometimes. oooo yay! At least you know what I mean. But yes. They were the gold mine for lollies. Absolutely terrific stores. My mum would be like hey lindsey how about you order? And I’d be like mother, I am 7 years old and I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder everyone assumes is child shyness why would you think I would want to do that. Instead I will whisper my choices to you. After therapy tho I felt pretty rad for picking my own lollies by myself. I was like 13 at that point but sdfkjhsdf listen I got there in the end.

sdfkjsdfkjhsdf I like that a cursed photo reminded you of me. That’s all I need to hear. Tumblr said no anon dick pics but they also said no anon cursed photos either,,, very sad. for the latter part. the first part thank god. If I could turn on photos on anon I absolutely would just to see this but I don’t think I can :(

[dickie-gayson]

Fun Young Justice Fact!!

I straight up c r i e d during the S1 episode Coldhearted but not for the reason yall think. I've seen MANY discussions and reactions but not ONCE have I seen any love or recognition given to my boi in Coldhearted

THIS IMPORTANT DOCTOR MAN RIGHT HERE. U SEE HIM?? Y'ALL REMEMBER HIM? UR GONNA GET A LESSON ABOUT THIS LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT DOCTOR RIGHT N O W

This doctor (he's the good one, not the goon) isn't named during the show iirc BUT his name is in the credits.

Pieter Cross.

Pieter Cross.

P I E T E R C R O S S

Y'all, Pieter Cross is another dc superhero - one of my favs.

This lovely accented doctor, Pieter Anton Cross, is none other than Doctor Mid-Nite (the second). here's some pics (the first is w his bffl/platonic life partner Michael Holt aka Mister Terrific)

Pieter graduated from Harvard Medical at 19. He's essentially the Hero Community's go-to doctor for everything.

"Doctor Mid-Nite is the world's most prominent superhero doctor. He is often called upon when an autopsy is needed, or when a hero needs major surgery."

Ye, he's had to autopsy his dead friends :( he also does casual checkups. Powergirl goes to him for her check ups and to keep an eye on her powers. He's done a bunch of life-saving surgeries on not only the heroes but ALSO their loved ones! He performed surgery on Lois Lane after she got shot. When Hush removed Catwoman's heart from her body, Doctor Mid-nite and Mister Terrific were able to successfully put it back in and save her.

You not only want him in ur corner when ur hurt, u need him. There's none better! Imagine the sheer amount of crazy powerful allies he has bcus he saves all sorts of heroes and their loved ones! U don't attack the healer unless u wanna get fucked up by the rest of the squad, right? U also don't piss the healer off unless u wanna suffer, right? Same energy, fam. It helps that he can perform surgery flawlessly in the fuckin pitch dark.

He's disabled! In fact, Doctor Mid-Nite is credited as the first disabled superhero in comics! They're talking about Charles McNider, his predecessor, but Pieter Cross is also disabled. He's blind. I won't go into his whole origin but suffice to say he was unwillingly drugged and it caused him to go totally blind except for in the absolute dark.

He can only see in the dark and/or with his specialized lenses iirc. He carries smoke grenades that cause absolute blackness (think vanta black bombs) bcus he can see just fine in it and others can't. Any attack that involves having to see the attack (think Medusa's gaze) doesn't work on him cus he's conventionally blind. HOWEVER when he can see, it's fuckin crazy. Eagles got nothing on how sharp his eyes are in the right setting. Like we're talking super vision.

Those funky lenses on his cowl? They're to let him see in the light. It's kinda like infrared goggles and can let him see ultrasonic as well. Without his tools, he can't see. He got his sight back once and hated it bcus he could no longer work the way he used to.

OTHER FUN FACTS ABOUT THE GREAT DOCTOR

Doctor Mid-Nite has his own website where he provides free medical advice to registered users.

He's Norwegian-born. (That's his accent in that YJ ep)

Him and Mister Terrific are the bestest of friends (I felt the need to reiterate bcus they're Besties for Life. Read 1 comic with them in it and you'll see what I mean)

HE HAS A PET OWL NAMED CHARLIE!! He named him Charlie after the first Doctor Mid-Nite, Charles McNider!! He's trained to aid Pieter in combat! Attack owl!!! Batman has his Robins, Mid-Nite has owl sidekicks!

Highly Skilled Escapologist

He briefly dated Black Canary

His general medical license has been revoked, not that it stops him from practicing and helping ppl. He gives zero fucks. He's here to help, not politick around when ppl are dying.

He never stopped being a doctor, even after becoming a superhero. HE'S A LOVELY, KIND, COMPASSIONATE MAN WHO JUST WANTS TO HELP PPL

He's vegetarian AND he does yoga (imma cry yall, he's so fuckin great)

S1 of Young Justice appears to take place before he gets his powers and becomes Doctor Mid-nite cus he's not wearing any type of glasses. Wally interacted w (imo) one of the greatest heroes and doesn't know it!

Mid-nite is the one everyone says Tim Drake copied with his one Red Robin uniform (it's true too. I wouldn't be surprised if Tim was a Mid-nite fan, they seem like they'd get along)

T H I C C T H I G H S!!! I know everyone talks about Jason's thighs but Pieter's thighs are next level!! I ain't playing! Look at these hams!!

When his mom was pregnant with him, she got attacked. The OG Doctor Mid-nite saved her. Then, when she went into labor, he delivered lil bby Pieter. What are the odds lmaoo

BDE through the roof, fight me. Massive Meat Energy and I won't apologize for saying it

Survived 'seeing' Johnny Sorrow's face even tho it kills legit anyone who looks bcus he's blind. Used the recording his goggles took of JS' face and played it back to Johnny and beat him lmaoo

As someone summarized nicely: 'Prior to him getting blind, Dr. Pieter was a very caring man.. He would take a walk in the evening every day and helps out poor people who live in the streets, especially to those who are addicted to drugs.. He would help out missionaries in donation to help the poor and the hungry.. A Poor People Savior you might say."

"Doctor Cross uses his medical expertise as a hand-to-hand weapon. Once, when challenged to arm wrestle, he won by triggering the proper nerves in his opponent's arm." Savage Nerd Alert. Can, has, and will continue to use his Galaxy Brain (and BDE) to beat ppl, dirty technique or not.

Geoff Johns on Doctor Mid-Nite: "Doctor Mid-Nite is a visionary, figuratively and literally. Blinded by an accident, he’s able to see on all spectrums through the filters on his goggles."

Here's some of him being the Super Doctor:

Helped Alan Scott to determine if he was composed of the Green flame of Starheart

Helped Power Girl to check and test her powers

Saved Hourman's life by performing an emergency surgery

Saved Oracle by removing the Brainiac virus which possessed her body

Saved Lois Lane's Life by removing a sniper bullet after she was shot

Helped Raven to drive the demonic possession that attacked her by using Hologram Tech

I love him and would die for more content about him

Srsly I'll cry if even one(1) person acknowledges him in a YJ fic (or any fic tbh)

APPRECIATE DOCTOR PIETER ANTON 'MID-NITE' CROSS OR P E R I S H

Also if ur writing a YJ fic and have need for a doctor, pls add him. He didn't graduate med school to be ignored, yall. Or add him in just bcus he's rad af. At least do it for Charlie the owl!!

[zzariyo]

To the directors cut thing. At the expense of sounding like an edgelord, I really don't allow myself to feel that much. That said I would like to request a 🌟 for both Eyes Half Closed and its prequel piece. Rarely do I read anything that makes me want to keep reading it now a days, those two stories are easily in my top 10. Including books I've read in the past

HHHHHRRROUUGHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

that LITERALLy means so so so much to mE!!!!! esPECIALLY as someone who wants to write books but isN’T sure if they coULD EVER EVER DO IT WELL WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH THANK YOU GJHKJGDHKASJDGHJKDGS

ahem.

anyway

i’ll give you a couple for EHC, and one for TC (i’ll have to skim through it to remember anything because i have....forgotten much of it)

So, i've gotten a couple of compliments about the last scene in chapter 18 where Link is having an anxiety episode about going down to the ball, and that makes me feel super swell, because, like i’ve briefly mentioned before, i was literally writing myself there.

THIS IS SUPER PERSONAL SO SUPER SORRY BUT- when i wrote that part, i was having my first anxiety attack in several months. it was before work and i was supposed to go to the city to do training, but i felt like i had made a complete fool of myself the last time i went and all i could think about was everyone’s eyes on me. i lost my fucking shit to say the least and underneath all that i was so fucking pissed that i was doing that to myself.

i dont know how i managed it, but while i was in the middle of my episode, i whipped out my laptop and furiously typed out what was happening to me and how i felt, but wrote in ‘Link’ and ‘he’ instead of ‘i’ and ‘me’. i wrote about how i couldnt breathe, how i couldnt stop from crying, how i stared at the door like it was impossible to open, and how i looked at myself in the mirror afterward and distanced myself from my reflection. i only threw in the actual story bits a few days later.

and that one scene where Link went to the dressmaker’s in chapter 17, i wrote how going into stores made me feel before getting on my medication aside from the fact that i would get bloated and gassy but that’s beside the point

and that’s just a couple of examples of me putting myself and my experiences into the fic. a lot of it is self-expression and i think that’s why i go off and get so fucking emotional a lot

ALSO CAN I JUST SAY? IN THE NEW CHAPTER? i got a bunch of comments of ppl being mad at Mipha for not doing anything and i was like- ? i was super confused

i tried to HEAVILY imply that she was having a sort of ptsd episode over seeing all that blood, but i guess i didn’t do a very good job at all

OKAY OKAY ENOUGH ABOUT ALL THAT imma try to buckle up and find something in TC i can talk about-

AIGHT SO we all know the part of TC where Koni and Kezul die right? ahahah. 

it really sucks that i never got the chance to go off about Koni and Kezul’s backstory at all and probably never will, but i did hint a little bit at Kezul’s while he was fighting the moblins. I described him there as being haggard and weak, and unable to properly fight the way he used to when he was younger...but. uh like. He really isn’t that old. Koni and him are the same age but Koni is still super sexy

i wont get too much into it because this answer is already so long, but basically Kezul was raised to be the best warrior in the village and go down in history like his father before him- that was literally what he was born for. but then when he was in his mid-20s, he got hit out of the sky and landed on his head and that fucked his entire life up. i totally forgot what condition it was exactly, but because of his injury, he sporadically got seizures and got a lot weaker, so he had to give up being a warrior, his entire reason for EXISTING, and Koni had to take care of him after that.

So like. that’s why that part is extra sad ig and his inability to fight was a nod to....his backstory that.......no one fucking knew but me skjadghkjasg i think that part was much more emotional for me than it could ever be for anyone else for that reason. but like whatever u kno