#Pointlessrambling

[lindsabts]

Nurse Ramble

I was feeling or thinking, call it what you may. I figured I would type. Its not like I have some grand point to make, in fact, this is probably going to be in every way disjointed rambling.

I saw a photograph today with text on it, a meme of a statue with a delirious grin that said “when the customer tells a bad joke but you got bills to pay.” Its funny, I get the joke, I think its so true. On the flip side, from a nurses perspective I feel like every time I laugh at some dumb joke I bring joy into the room and I LOVE making my patient feel good. I learned, even, to really like stupid jokes. Gives you a ten-second break. Comedic relief. 

I had a lady this week who I fought for all day, multiple calls to the doctor thru the day, numerous interventions on her BP, BG, nephrostomy tubes, skin breakdown, mental status you name it. When she finally came to in the afternoon and she was alert and (mostly) oriented, she didn’t like me at all. But she didn’t see what I had done for her. I am less satisfied because of that. Should I be? No. I probably intervened at a time, where if I had just observed she might have declined. I maybe saved her life. I don’t know. I still want my patients to like me.

Her niece hated me too. At the end of the day the niece showed up, “I could just scream at the day shift!” I am the day shift. I explained everything to her. She still wasn’t happy. Can’t change someone who is set on being upset before they even walk in the door.

Back to the positive. One patient who I grew close to got discharged and she thought I was an angel. I did literally nothing special for her. At all. There were very few changes in her condition that ever required intervention, but she loved me. Isn’t that the way it goes? You do your best, and those that require the most work oftentimes have no appreciation for you. I still smile for them and I still try my hardest. I don’t give a shit about HCAHPS, I genuinely want my patients and families to be happy. Even if the patient dies, I want them/ the family to know we did our best, and I want them to appreciate that.

Oncology is very alike other specialties and very different too. Med-surg is somehow a whole other world but with the same physical skill set. Its the emotional and psychological skills that differ. I’m not a person who is in touch with emotions very much. Maybe I’m a realist? Maybe I’m an idealist? I can’t pin it down even though its inside of me. I LOVE oncology, but I am in awe when I see another nurse with more emotional intelligence than me. I just can’t be convinced that it can be learned. Its more of an inherent way of being. I feel like typing this out is somehow the most emotionally intelligent I get. 

When my patients cry, I just hug or hold hands. I can’t find words, but I think maybe just the gesture could be enough comfort. Sometimes there isn’t words anyone could say anyway when it comes to the big C.

Cancer. Why are people so afraid? That’s not a serious question, I understand why they are afraid. I don’t get it when they beat around the word though. Its only 6 little letters. God, though, does it pack a punch. One patient didn’t know “leukemia” means cancer. No one had ever explained it to her. She went an entire week thinking she had some benign blood disorder or something. My stomach dropped, and here comes the lack of emotional intelligence. “Yes leukemia is cancer. I can get you some printed information if you would like.” I could kill myself for being so insensitive. 

I started travel nursing, and went all the way across the country. Sometimes I work days, sometimes nights. I really don’t care either way. Turns out, I really like having residents around! Convenience maybe. There’s nothing worse than having to call a sleeping doctor. I love day/night rotations where someone is always awake and they’re not irritated that you called at 4 am because they were up working anyways. Last hospital, the doctor got friggin mad at me because he didn’t know his patient had an NG tube for feeding. THE DOCTOR DIDN’T KNOW. THATS HIS JOB. Turns out GI had ordered it, and I guess the teams don’t COMMUNICATE? That’s fucked up, I think. He was mad and told me I should have called GI. It was 7 am. I told the day shift nurse to call GI. It’s a 24 hour job, nursing.

Some teams of nurses are really great about that, taking on what the last shift couldn’t get done. Some teams have this idea that you have to “get everything done” as if the patient quits being a patient at 7 PM and everything starts over at 7:30 when report is over. That’s bullshit btw. Sick human beings don’t stop being sick human beings just because nurses have to go home. I believe the best in people until they show me otherwise, and I give the last shift the benefit of the doubt. I know they did everything they could until the clock ran out and then it’s time to go home. I take over from there.

Some nurses are really bullies. You can read through some posts from earlier this year to see my bullying story. “You” being whoever is reading this. If anyone read this. Doubt it. Its too long lol.

This typing has helped. Maybe I’ll write a book about nursing in a few years, if I ever figure out how to keep my thoughts from being so scrambled. 

[youngsamberg]

I don’t why I forget every time that operation: broken feather comes after The Bet cause it makes sense. Maybe it’s cause The Bet comes sooner then I remember #pointlessramblings 

the bet sets the stage for operation broken feather in terms of jake and amy's relationship!!! them working cases together is what makes them Them

[solsticenights]

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[aspenrps-blog]

I’ve given up on making the muse page alphabetical... I feel like I’ve failed an exam 

[staringupseeingnothing]

A little chat about anxiety and depression, everything in between, and who I am. This is a story about me. Buckle up, get ready, and, well... Don't enjoy the story, but.. Learn from it.

I don't want people to read this. I don't want people to see. But I guess it's all inevitable, what you will know about me. I'm a kid, I guess. If you can call me that. I'm 15 but also 15000. I had to grow up quick. You can call me Corinth. I like that name, let's go with it. There are three major things that cause my different issues. The first, and easiest to speak of, is genetics. My family has a history of a myriad of mental disorders. Bipolar Depression (what I've got), General Anxiety Disorder (Check), OCD (Check), and lots of others. And I'm in the middle of the worst anxiety attack I've ever had. I'm shaking, I can barely think. So, my first idea was, for some reason, to make this blog. And I'm gonna write down everything that's wrong with me, so I can face it properly. So, now the second. So, what caused all of my problems, to, let's call it "pop". There's two things, this is the first. My mom, well... She married this guy, let's call him John. And John is fucked up. My stepdad is... Crazy. He has nazi shit, he's abusive as hell... He's just not good in general. And he was, like I said, abusive. To me. In particular. For the 6 years I knew him. But now, they're both gone. I've not spoken to either of them for 5-6 years now. If you know about Psycology, you know what not having a maternal figure does. Anything from anxiety to sociopathy. I got both. Technically, I'm a high functioning sociopath, but... I think that's started to wear away. I have emotions again, they're just... Muted. Like they were before. I am still terrible with people, I still don't understand emotion, I still don't get... Anything, really, but... I can try. The third and final reason is far more scarring. If you don't like stories about rape, scroll past now. I'll give you a buffer of room, 5 lines. Ok. Still here? I'm impressed by your nerve. So... I was stuck over the night with my dad's friend and his kid, who was 19 at the time. He had a girlfriend at the time, but apparently for this particular breed of asshole, that's not enough. He honestly gives bi people a bad name. I'm Pan, so not trying to say anything there, it's just... It's sad, really. So, anyway, back on track... I had to sleep in the same room as the kid. I was on the floor, him in the bed. He woke me up by picking me up and putting me on the bed... And pressing a knife to my throat. He said to be silent or he'd kill me... Then... You can guess the rest. PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Four words. But they mean so bloody much. They mean that I can't function properly. That I can't sleep without being bundled into 4 blankets, and without being fully dressed. They mean I can't trust people. They mean I can't even write this without getting choked up, without getting tears again. Those four letters, or four words, paved the way for all the others. First came Bipolar Depression. I noticed the mood swings a month later. First I was oddly happy out of my trance-like state going through school in 8th grade. The next day I cut for the first time. It continued like this for the full year, until I was caught with the knife in school, and expelled. My dad was harsher than ever then. I started to become... Erratic. I met Rune then, one of the other people in my head. He's my anxiety, he's my fear, he's my... Reason I'm writing this. My friend James killed himself despite my attempts to stop him. This is in part to honor him. He was going through something similar. I made it. He didn't. Every person has a different breaking point. He hit his. I nearly hit mine. Anyway. I'm writing this to show that anxiety, depression, PTSD... everything... Well, they can mess you up. They chew you up, spit you out, and leave nothing left. If there is anything left... It's so bloodied and broken that little fragment wishes to join the rest... And most of the time it does. But this is also a story about people being wonderful, not just terrible. At the same time I'm having this anxiety attack, I'm talking to someone. Let's call her Sarah. She right now, is helping. She's states away, but talking to someone who cares always helps. So... I'm going to also make this a little help thing. If someone is anxious, reassure them. Tell them that they are worth everything, that even if they can't control something they can still be happy. Remind them they're a good person. Gods know I need that right now. If someone is depressed, make sure they get what they need. Prioritize them over you. Make them feel wanted, make them... Happy. Go over and do some laundry, help clean their room. They'll have no motivation. Help in any way possible. This is where I dump my emotions. This is where I keep my sadness, anger, depression, anxiety. This is my home. I'm staring up, but I see nothing. I beg for sleep, but it isn't coming. I can't sleep, cause all I'm hearing Is another cause for me to just stop breathing. Thank you for reading this, if you did. Learn from this. Don't let yourself fall like I did. But also... Why did you read this? I didn't want you to. I'm too indecisive to be mad or happy with you... But at least I can feel something. So thank you either way. Good 1:20 AM, everyone. Thank you all.

[whispering3words]

Literally though, the women I live with are the most fucking stupidest dumbest women I have ever met.

[visible-virus]

I wish my friends and I could just not hate on each other and be dicks.. and I am no angel since I am also one of these dicks. However I realised the errors and I made up for such...I wish life was a lot happier in friendships but I guess everything ends, which is awfully sad since Christmas day is tomorrow. I am grateful for the friends who I have though and I love them all very much.

[apieceofreincarnation]

I'm down to 3 blank dvds and i've still got almost 300GB of pics to burn (and about 200GB of DLs and personal shit and i'm planning to dl more). Must buy that 2TB Buffalo external drive already. But since i ain't got the money for that, i'm off to buy new blank dvds instead. #imstartingtosoundlikelevi #pointlessrambling

[jazziegirl808-blog]

Lmao this is how I felt when I would have conversations with her ... Lol apparently I wasn't the only one 😊 .... #loveit #toofunny #pointlessrambling

[kopicetic]

Ngl, I'm still #TeamUSA for the #WinterOlympics BUT I still kind of want #TeamRussia to win gold. Just in #hockey though! Lol. Just so #Datsyuk (#Detroit #RedWings) and #Malkin (#Pittsburgh #Penguins) can be in the #TripleGoldClub, yes? Poor #Ovechkin, haha. Maybe the #Washington #Capitals will finally win the #StanleyCup, but...yeah, haha. Sorry, I miss #NHL right now, so reading #Sochi stuff is all I have right now! #dontjudge #random #pointlessrambling

[staringat-thesun-blog]

The truth is, I've been slipping all year. Slowly falling and fading away. All year we've been gradually headed in opposite directions, and now I feel like I don't know you at all. The missing/longing of a friendship that was always seems to be one-sided.

[aspenrps-blog]

Every time I go to clear my likes out I end up getting distracted by more things and the number goes up. 

[primenuggets]

I haven't had someone like me this much in a long time and especially just for me being me. It's awesome, but now I don't like her back as much? Certain things that bug me about how she acts. She's good looking tho. Should I take the chance even tho it most likely won't work in the end, just for both if us to be sorta happy and content for now? Life is going to keep going anyways I don't see why not. At least I'm not an asshole and don't use girls for sex. The cuddles are nice too. Shit don't know what to do.

[wingedviper-blog]

Didn't really know what to have as my first post. SO, I shall have a rant about my love for the Lannister twins :) 

Firstly: Cersei. Yes, she's a bitch. Yes, she's a bit of a slut. A bad mother? Possibly. Oh, and she sleeps with her brother. Bit weird. But what choice does she have? She has to be a bitch, or she won't achieve anything in the world she lives in, and she's been raised like it (just look at Tywin). A slut? She uses the means she thinks are best to achieve her ends. And while her methods are questionable, they seem to work. Being a bad mother is difficult. I truly believe that she thinks she is being a good mother. Maybe she doesn't really know what a good mother is. She's protective of her children, almost too a fault, trying to be the Lion which symbolises her house. But even she realised the monster that Joffrey was, and that she, in part at least created him. And as for Jaime... she fell in love. Yes, it's with her brother. But the principle is still the same. And not that unheard of- just look at the Targaryens- and she was practically raised around them! 

Jaime is much easier to defend. And kudos to GRRM for transforming him from the arrogant arsehole from the first book, to (let's face it) the character that everyone loves. Or loves to hate. But the principle is still the same. He's used as the scapegoat by everyone- the monstrous 'Kingslayer'. But he did save everyone from the Mad Kings' wrath, and what was so bad about killing him? Everyone in Roberts Rebellion was trying to! Yes, he broke his oath. But half the men of the Nights Watch do, previous members of the Kingsguard have, but yet Jaime is criticised extensively for it. And you also see how much his character begins to change- that's why everyone loves him ;)

The point to me writing this is I think they reflect the people in society who are unfairly judged by their actions. People judge before they know everything. Happens all the time. Everyone reels on about how you should never judge a book by it's cover, but every single person does it, I do it. And it's not right. So next time, remember the Lannister twins ;) 

[aspenrps-blog]

I apologize beforehand for all of the Chris Evans spam that will be going on today from me, but birthday boy is going to spammed.