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#Point is I could write at least a full page of why I don't like these things
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Interacting with popular media is fun because I can confidently give reasons why it fucking sucks. Hating something just because it's popular will always make you seem like a bit of a weirdo, but watching/reading it and being able to give genuine reasons why it's not good will literally always be more respectable. You sound so much more sophisticated when you say "this happened on page 45 and it ruined the book" than when you say "I looked at the cover art and it sucked and now I have a deep hatred of the whole series."
I am absolutely not above telling people "I won't watch this. It looks cringe." But I'm always always always aware of the fact I sound immature and probably a little snobbish when I say that.
Forming strong visceral hatred over a piece of media that you have literally never read a single page of/seen a single second of will always come across as a bit maladjusted.
And not watching/reading something because of how much hate it's getting online is just as much of a bandwagon as watching/reading something because of how much love it's getting online 💀
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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pumpkin-cake · 1 month
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begging for ANYTHING fix it related for the most recent season !!!
five x reader and they are married?? it would be nice if the reader had a more relaxed job in comparison to five in the CIA (the reader used to also work for the commission but wanted a calm life)
like maybe working in a daycare or flower shop?
i’m honestly begging for anything sweet please if you’ve got the time !
THIS HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. YES, I WILL WRITE THIS FOR YOU <3 I ALSO HATE THE WAY THEY CHARACTERIZED FIVE IN THE NEW SEASON. This will be very domestic :3 And it's been a while since I've written Five, I hope he's not too out of character, let me know if you have any pointers :3
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The door to your apartment creaks open and heavy footsteps enter, the jangling sounds of house keys hitting the ceramic bowl reaching your ears with a sigh following.
"Good evening, Jerome." You coo.
"I did not pick that name, quit calling me it." Five huffs as he shrugs off his suit jacket, entering the living room. He looked tired, but he was okay with that. He didn't want to settle for some repetitive job he'd be bored as hell at. Even if they gave him stupid aliases like Jerome.
"You could have at least asked. That's embarrassing, telling people your name is Jerome. What about...Ethan? Or even something that's close to Five. Like, Finn, or something." You answered with a chuckle, while Five crumpled on the couch next to you.
"There isn't any point. It's not like you need to go around calling me that name." He said, taking off his tie and laying it across the arm of the sofa. "Anyway, how was work?" He asked, taking off his brown Oxfords and laying them nearby but out of the main walkway. He reached over to the stack of papers on the coffee table and looked at the first page. "Jesus, this is the sloppiest handwriting I've ever seen."
"Ah yes, because children who still have shitty motor skills are going to be writing in perfect print. That's why they only have to write their names, not write full-fledged essays." You said sarcastically, plucking the piece of paper from his hands. You looked over the assignment your kindergarteners were given. The instructions were to count the different types of bugs on the paper. There were no more than 9 of each bug. 4 butterflies, 7 caterpillars, 1 beetle, 8 spiders.
"I was never that dumb." Five said a little snarkily, pointing to the answer spot that said there were only 5 caterpillars.
"Don't be such a prick." You huffed, getting out a blue pen. You didn't like to use red, too harsh. You circled each answer wrong, not making any corrections.
"How are you even meant to teach them this? It's basic counting." Five asked, sort of actually curious.
"We'll just go over it in class tomorrow. Everyone will count together."
"Then what's the point of the homework?"
You groaned. "We are not having this conversation anymore, old man." You pulled out a pack of stickers, putting one on each sheet of paper.
"You're just as old." He countered with a smirk, leaving you to roll your eyes and continue 'grading' the papers. He did shut up and drop the subject, letting his hand stray to your hand that wasn't busy grading papers. He wasn't ever one for physical affection in the past, but ever since getting to this place? He was more lenient. He was never hanging off of you, but his touches were gentler. Each contact of skin was a small way of saying 'I love you', because it was hard to say it out loud after years of isolation.
The biggest way of him saying he loved you was twisting the ring that nicely fit on your finger like he was doing right now. Like he was making sure you were aware of its presence and meaning.
You finished the papers in less than five minutes. You did not envy the fourth-grade teachers who had actual homework to grade. "Your dinner is in the fridge." You told him, taking his other hand and playing with the black band that adorned his ring finger.
"Not hungry." He said shortly, like he was offended you'd ever assume he wanted to do something aside from this. He wouldn't ever say that out loud, of course.
"It's sushi. Made by yours truly." You added, holding back a chuckle when he sucked in a deep breath, very torn between the options. It was weird, able to sit and think about something. He wasn't rushing home to eat and go to bed, he got to do domestic shit with you and fuck did he love it.
"..." Five stayed silent like a brooding teenager.
"I'll come with you." You reasoned, and he reluctantly sat up. You smiled and got up with him, the two of you traversing to the kitchen. He opened the door to the fridge and grabbed the small Tupperware of delicious looking sushi. You were not a fan of Commission cafeteria food, and you took pride in buying the best ingredients for you and your spouse. You were already grabbing him a pair of chopsticks, sitting with him at the kitchen island.
"...thanks." He said after eating a roll. He was stubborn, but he really did appreciate you taking the time to make more for him when he got home late. It was so nice to come home to a homemade meal. It reminded him of Grace.
"Of course, honey." You smiled, sitting in silence while he ate. He savored every moment. After being in the apocalypse for forty years, he really grew to appreciate the things he didn't have. He swore he would never take this life for granted.
He never questioned why, because the whole reason was sitting right next to him.
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marlshroom · 1 month
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came to the fucked up realization after finishing gravity falls again last night the parallels of the dream bubble bill made for mabel and the literal state of delusion he keeps himself in.
in the book of bill on the page where bill cipher describes how he figured out a way to manipulate her into giving him the rift, it says:
"Summers ending, my guy. Ending to death, bro. She'd do anything to make it last just a day longer. Probably something RASH and OUT OF CHARACTER, even!"
as we know, mabel cannot handle the fact that she will be growing up. that the relationship with her brother is going to change. she is scared of high school.
bill then says "That was it. She'd never make a deal with me. But she'd make a deal with someone she believed could give her more time. The dream was done. I had her."
bill then creates the dream bubble for mabel, he makes every one of her dreams come true, a place where time is still and she can be a kid forever. a lie so great that she wont have to face the truth.
in journal 3 on one of the pages bill is writing in code, we see this:
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[ID: "I ask you, why must[should] time only move forward? Why must cause preceded effect. Who voted on the law of physics."]
my friend helped me break down what bill means by this:
why can we only move forward in the 4th dimension of time. why does something have to make another thing happen, why must cause come before the effect. why cant you move backwards, in the other direction, change the decisions youve made.
how interpret this is bill asking why he is not able to back and stop what he did to his family. he says to ford that he tried and failed to undo the past.** why did him wanting people to acknowledge his advantages instead of suppress him lead to the destruction of his whole dimension?
**(i just want to point out that this is probably the time where bill is the MOST open to anybody, or at least the first. to his henchmaniacs he had been telling them that he liberated his dimension until the oracle discovered the truth. here, to ford, he got so much closer to telling the truth. he SHOWS ford the last atoms of his world. he says that it was destroyed by a monster, not that it was liberated! destroyed)
back to when bill says "I had her" about mabel, he had her cause he knew exactly what needed to happen to trap mabel in a delusion because it is exactly what he is doing to himself. creating a fake narrative of what happened to him, that he was vindicated in killing his whole dimension. only ever doing exactly what he wants because confronting the truth is too scary for him(good fucking lord). the morality page offers good insight into this too.
i am actually just going to quote the whole page and highlight the important part. it speaks for itself really
"THE POINT IS it's[morality] is a very flexible concept! But parents and presidents don't want you to know that, because then you might start asking other questions, like who put them in charge, anyway? So they cram your brain full of guilt and regrets for transgressing the laws that they just made up(the laws that they made to prevent the destruction of their dimension, regardless of if the law + the wrongful medication of a fucking baby triangle did any good to actually prevent it). Wouldn't it be nice if you could put all that baggage down? Quell the shame that follows you everywhere for a lifetime of crimes? MAKE THE SCREAMS FINALLY STOP? The good news is you CAN silence that annoying voice, and here's how!
DENIAL
Works 100% of the time in every situation. What you you mean there are people who disagree? I can confidently say there aren't!
RATIONALIZATION
If you can do it, you can justify it! "Truth" is open-source code and anyone can edit it anytime! Want to be like me? List 3 "evil" things and then 3 "reasons why they're actually good." You'll be rationalizing like Bill in no time!
DETACHMENT
Did you know 100% of your human cells die and are replaced every 7 years? That means that anything you did 7 years ago wasn't even you-it was some dead loser! You can't be held accountable for what a dead person did! What? You think this is just another form of rationalization? I DENY THAT!
THE BILL CIPHER DECISION METHOD!
Working over the eons, the voices in my head teamed up and worked out a foolproof method for making any decision in any situation.
DO WHATEVER I WANT."
ooooooooooooooooooh boy.
he is fully admitting here that he is living in a completely different really in order to justify doing whatever he wants. he gives mabel the tools to deny, to rationalize, to detach herself from the reality of it all. that time has to move forward. and he thinks it will work because it worked on himself.
but it doesn't work on mabel because she understands that she needs other people. shes vunerable, she lets people in, admits when shes wrong. and bill cant do that because it would destroy the fantasy he's created for himself.
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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 10 months
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Northern Attitude
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a/n guilty... guilty... guilty... I caved in. I own up to my weaknesses. Promised myself to never write for this man and here I am now. This is my first time so be gentle. 🗡️🫧
summery: mission gone bad, feels a little like enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort sort of goodness.
warnings: injuries, blood, bleeding out, alcohol, needles, death, trauma fun stuff.
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You two hated each other. That was a fact, and there was no way around it. It was scowling glares, sharp jabs during training if you two were paired together, and bitter remarks thrown here and there. And the joy of it all was that Price had granted you a shared room on the base. First, the excuse was that there was simply not enough room; the team had grown. Then he said he wasn't having a team that was up on biting each other's necks out. So in conclusion, he had set it up on purpose.
Did it help? No. It was a disaster. The man was insufferable. And, in all honesty, you had no idea what you had done. You had thrown a sexist card at him multiple times because you simply couldn't find another reason for his unmeasured dissatisfaction as to why you shouldn't be here. Never had he said anything nice your way. You got it; the guy was secretive. You didn't need to look far. The fact that he never took his mask off was proof enough. But to be so against someone you didn't even spend time with?
"Clean your mess", Ghost huffed, dropping his wet towel on the bed. You lifted your head away from your book. At least you two had separate beds on the opposite sides of the room. "It's on my side", you said, pointing to the white line that Ghost had drawn on the floor like a kid the first night you dragged your stuff here. The rule was simple: you stayed on your side, he on his. The bathroom was the only exception. "Yeah, I have to look at it, don't I", he grumbled, tossing the towel into the laundry basket. You paid him no mind, your eyes turning back to the pages. "Poor you, does it mess with your posh tea time?", you chuckled under your breath, earning a growl from the other side of the room.
And that's how it went. More than not, you considered any word coming out of Ghost's mouth a win. Because a new tactic the asshole had adopted was pretending that you weren't even a thing. You were an actual ghost, and Simon didn't believe in the paranormal clearly. You fastened your vest, double-checking that your on-hand weapons were right where you wanted them. "Do you need me to do a touch-down for you?", your head darted up, only to be met with a smug-looking scot. Soap. You couldn't help but let out a breathy chuckle. "Do you think that if you keep asking, the answer will eventually change?", you snickered back, shaking your head. Soap shrugged. "You tell me, bonnie?", the man teased back. Leave it to Johnny to joke around right before a mission. You hummed, "Maybe I'm more into you undoing it", Gaz snickered somewhere in the back. Soap's smirk grew even bigger. You knew that it was all good fun. Neither of them would make a move. They respected you. To most, you were like a sister. They had become your family. One you never had. Before Soap could say anything in return, the back door swung open, and in strolled Ghost. God, he looked good. Six feet of pure muscle. And when this man was in his full gear... You allowed yourself a moment to appreciate the way he looked before dropping your gaze. Suddenly, you were way more interested in the guns on the table than anything else.
Johnny came to stand next to you as the team gathered around the table. Price loved to gather everyone around before it all went off. John was like a father to most. You were no exception. You liked to tease the boys that you were his number one. His girl. And well, by law, you were. Considering that he pulled you out of the foster home, you owned this man a lot, even if he said that it was all in the past.
"You know the drill; go in, grab what you need, and get out. Try to keep it clean", Price said, pulling three sheets of paper and scattering them around on the table. "Soap and Ghost, you're together. I'll go with Gaz. Sugar, you're alone on this; we will clean the path for you, though". It was supposed to be a joke that name. You wanted something cool. Something as cool as Ghost, but Johnny was quick to remind you that his nickname was soap "And sugar", He had said, "That's quite literally white death". So it stuck.
You nodded your head, only to find Ghost shaking his. "Got something against it, LT?", you snarled. His eyes met yours over the table. With the war paint, his eyes were even more radiant. "She can't go alone. She doesn't know how to hold herself back and will do something stupid", now it was your turn to growl. Scratch the fact that you found this man attractive. You will suffocate him with a pillow in his sleep when you return to base. "Want to go with her, Ghost?", Price said calmly, knowing full well the answer would be a hard no. "We meet in the safe house afterward", Price continued without acknowledging the death glare Ghost was wearing, "Come back in one piece, you bunch". Everyone nodded quietly, reaching for the masks, double-checking the cartridges and radios. You were all climbing into the motorcar when Soap nudged your shoulder. "I'll hold you to the undressing part", he winked, hurrying to sit down. Your anger simmered down as you flipped him off in return, his laughter booming. It was Ghost, whose unimpressed eyes followed you two, gripping the gun in his hands tightly as he chose to stare ahead.
It was nothing—the mission. The base that needed to be checked out was pretty much abandoned. A couple of kills. A smoke bomb here and there. It was easy. Simple. They laid a clear path for you to do your thing. Your small frame was what they needed here. Air vents weren't the best of friends with hulky soldiers. "Do your worst, Sugar", Price had muttered into the radio some time ago. Your response was a cold, "Copy". The four of them were left to watch over the main entry points. Yet sending you into the belly of the beast felt wrong. At this point, Simon had lost count of the number of times he had reached for his radio, ready to call out to you. But he talked himself out every time.
"Got it", your voice pierced the silence. Ghost's shoulders drooped. "Good girl, bring it home", Price called back. Soap looked out of the window, "We should go meet them at the-", but his voice was cut by the cracking that came from the radio. Then it all died down. Silence. Soap locked eyes with Ghost. "Price, you copy?", Soap called out. Silence struck again. "All good here, you copy?", the captain called out. "Positive", Ghost muttered into the radio. Gunshots echoed deep within the base. It was you. The noise had to come from you. Ghost felt his heartbeat picking up. He had to find a way to get to you. To cover you. Yet the rational side of his brain screamed at him, saying that there was no way for him to do so.
The crackling filled the air around him once more as they rushed toward the spot where the team had agreed to meet. "Abort", your breathless voice came through the radio. "Get your asses out", you were panting. Ghost could hear you reloading your gun. "Sugar, what's the situation?", even Price's voice sounded more panicked. And the old man kept his cool. They all did. This whole shit could have been a setup for all they knew. Even outside, the sound of bullets pierced the silence didn't ease. Simon wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but your labored voice still twisted at his heart, "Get. Out."
The safe house had never felt so quiet. Usually, at least Soap was a never-ending chatterbox. Now the male stood in front of the window. Not moving. His eyes were glued to the forest in front of him. Price was half a bottle down on the bourbon. Gaz's leg hadn't stopped bouncing. They all had minor bruises, but that was expected.
"We need to go back", Soap said, rubbing his palms together. "You know that we can't, Johnny", Price puffed out a cloud of smoke. He was no doubt thinking of ways he was going to break the news to his wife. "She wouldn't fucking leave us", Soap snarled back. You would expect a handful of army men to be able to hold their composure in situations like this, but... You had dragged them all out of a dark pit. You were undoubtedly good at what you did, yes. But you offered much more. The safety blanket. A proper homemade meal when there was time, and that was a lot for a man who had been stuck in the base for months, missing home. There had been so much more laughter and smiles since you joined the force. As if you had breathed back humanity and a sense of life into their ice-cold bones. And now they all had to go back to...
The handle of the back door creaked. All four of them reached for their guns in unison. But no one besides them was supposed to know where the keys had been stashed. A lucky coincidence? The odds were too slim. But the door jerked open, and they all lost the breath they were holding.
"What a fucking greeting", you muttered, dropping your helmet to the side. Soap moved toward you first. Simon would have loved to beat him to it, but he found himself sitting back down, his legs suddenly feeling wobbly. "Here", you yanked the chip from your vest, pushing it into Soap's hand. "Mission complete, captain", you eyed Price. Before moving to undo your gear. "How many?", John asked, taking a drag from his cigarette. The blood on your forehead was crusted. But the sound of drops hitting the wooden floor was constant. "Six", you breathed, moving to undo your vest, and that's when the first growl left your lips.
"You're bleeding", Johnny breathed, reaching for your shoulder, but you pulled away. "I'll lick my own wounds", your tone was cold. It was colder than it usually was. Ghost watched you slowly walk towards the stairs, but not before you had reached for the Bourbon. "I'll come to stitch you,", Price had called out, only to be harshly cut off with a harsh, "No".
You locked the doors behind yourself. Your vision was going hazy. You had managed to get away. You had no idea how because there had been a moment when you were sure that death was standing right behind your back, breathing at your neck. You had killed before, had blood sprayed all over you. Yet something about this felt different. Maybe it was the fact that there was a moment where you weren't the one in control. When they had managed to yank you across the floor by your ankle. You shivered at the image of a knife being jabbed on either side of you as you dodged blow after blow.
Your hands gripped the sink. You will do this. You will patch yourself up. Swallow a couple of pills and go to sleep. You knew there was no way you were getting your shirt off, so you wasted no time as you sliced the fabric with your pocket knife, wincing. Slowly peeling the damp material from your shoulder. Would this be easier if someone else did it for you? Yes. But you didn't want anyone's hands on you. Not now. Not when your brain was still fuzzy. The trickle of blood ran down your chest and through the sports bra you had on. You knew what followed next. You've done it multiple times. Drink bourbon. Splash some on the wound. Dig the fingers in to fish for the bullet. More bourbon. Stitch it up. You ran yourself through the steps one more time. One more look in the mirror before you force yourself to do just that.
Simon's hands were gripping the chair he was sitting on. Every little whimper from upstairs ripped at his composure. Stubborn girl, never knowing how to accept help. And a whimper, a whimper he could handle, but when a loud cry filled the quiet space, Simon was up and going. Every other step was skipped, and he was right in front of the second-floor bathroom. Hand on the handle as his shoulder hit the locked door. "Open up", Ghost banged his fist into the surface. "Go away", your voice was barely audible. Too long. He had sat downstairs for too long. He should have come barging in the moment you tried to play a big girl. Should have carried you back downstairs. "Don't make it bloody difficult", Simon's voice was husky. His own body ached, but he wasn't about to sit back and watch you bleed out.
You didn't answer him. "Sugar", he called out, "Open the fucking door, or I will break it", he wasn't even sure why he was bargaining with you now. But he respected your privacy. He always did. Even in the room you shared. His face was always facing the wall when he knew you were taking a shower. Just in case you had forgotten your clothes and would need to quickly get to your side of the room, this was different; his stalling could cost you your life. So he doesn't say anything else. Backing a couple of steps back, Simon braced himself for the impact. The hinges were old, so one shove from him was enough to break them; the rest he could handle with his two hands.
Ghost's breath hitched once more. "Stubborn, bloody woman", he hissed. The floor was covered in your blood; there was not a single clean towel. Your figure was slumped by the bath. "Price", his voice was more of a roar that made even you jerk your head up. "Get out", you breathed, trying to put distance between you two. "Like fuck, I will", Simon grunted, reaching towards you, his palm pressing into your shoulder. You cried out, your nails digging into his wrists, but the pressure didn't ease. "Fucking hell", the captain called from behind, "Get her downstairs".
"No", you hissed as Ghost lifted you, "Get away". But you knew that it was over now that they'd seen you. Simon tried to lower you down, but you whizzed in pain. "From the back", you say through gritted teeth. "What?", His eyes searched yours; you knew he was struggling to understand you. "The bullet", your breath, "from the back". Simon's eyes darted up to John, who slowly nodded his head, "Keep her up, then", and you could feel him pulling the rest of your shirt off.
"Liquid courage", a bottle was dangled right in front of you, and you could just about make out Soap's shaky hands. "I don't need it", you muttered, feeling the way Simon's chest rumbled with a disapproving growl. "Don't fight it, kid", Price called out from behind you, "You know how it's done". He was looking through the medical bag, no doubt making sure that he had everything he needed on hand. You open your mouth, and Soap quickly takes the hint, tilting the bottle upwards.
"Bite this and hold onto Simon's shoulders for me", the captain delivered his words like an order, but you still shook your head. "Jesus women, do you have a death wish or something?", Ghost muttered, hands moving from your legs that were still wrapped around his torso to your hands, pulling one of them over his shoulder and the other, the injured one, across his torso, so Price could work on it easier. But your palms stay pushed away from his skin. So does your chest. He was too close. You couldn't. Simon doesn't like his personal space being occupied by anyone.
"Deep breath for me", was the only last warning John gives you before you feel a pain like no other ripping through your back. And that was all it took. All it too, for your hands to clamp around Simon. Nails were in his skin as you yelled out, trying to pull away from whatever Price was doing. Simon's big palm cupped the back of your head, guiding you down onto his shoulder. "You got this, love", he muttered against your ear. The grip he had on you did not falter, not even for a second. "Almost there, Sug, just a bit more", Price said through gritted teeth. You could feel him digging through your back. The burning icy cold now.
Your body was working on its own accord. Hand reaching for the side of Ghost's face as another wave of pain ripped through you, making you holler out. Simon didn't pull away. And maybe you were high on pain, but you could swear you felt his lips against your palm. Kissing your skin through the material of his mask. Your breathing got shallow. You wanted to pull back to look up at him. Into his eyes. At least one more time. But your body felt heavy. Your fingers gently caressed the side of his face. The smell of him calmed you. You pressed a weak kiss against his neck, feeling a shiver running down his back.
"Keep her talking, Simon,", Price grumbled in frustration. Something probably wasn't going how it was supposed to. But it was okay. You had made your peace with it. "Come on, look at me", Simon pulled your limp head away from his shoulder, tapping your cheek a couple of times. "Keep your eyes open, eh? Or I'll leave my wet towels all over our room for the rest of the month", there was a tinge of something new in his voice. Some kind of light worry. Frustration. You blinked a couple of times, the corners of your lips turning upwards. "You wouldn't dare", you rasped out, your mouth feeling way too dry all of a sudden. "Why is that?", Simon asked straight away, his eyes not leaving yours. You let yourself breathe for a bit; you didn't have enough strength to answer right away. "I'll get you pink sheets and...", a cough made your body seize, and Ghost's grip on you tightened instantly. And there. There it was. A flash of worry caught his eye. "A fuzzy rug", you finished finally. Simon's palm ran over your sweaty forehead. "I'd like to see you try, darling", he breathed out, but there was no amusement in his voice.
"She's too fucking pale, Price", you heard Soap's voice from the side, or at least it sounded like it. "Shut up, Johnny,", the captain grumbled. "Don't close your eyes, Sugar", you felt another nudge from Ghost, making you blink up at him once more. "It's cold", you muttered, feeling your hand slip down his torso, falling limp by your leg. "John", Ghost said in a warning tone. He was trying to make you hold back on him, but your hand slipped away every time.
It was the way your hand limped against Simon's face that sent the last wave of panic through him. Your clammy skin pressed against him. And he was back there, back in the house where his family was killed. No, he couldn't lose you. Not now that he had found you. Not without you knowing that he also cared, just like everyone else. "Y/N", he called out softly. He had never called you by your real name. Never had a chance to see if your eyes would shimmer when he did. "Don't do this", he breathed again your not injured shoulder, "Don't you dare fucking die on me". But he was met with nothing. Only then did he realize that he would have to live with nothing but regret and your blood on his hands. All because he couldn't find a way to let your light shine through his cold demeanor. All because he was afraid of the fact that he had found himself caring again.
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gigglesandfreckles-hp · 4 months
Note
I just found your page and stalked all your writing lol, it’s absolutely amazing and I’m highly obsessed now!! from the prompt list for jily: “What are we?” + “I would like us to be more than friends.” (Head students era confession?)
oh you mean my favourite jily era??? my pleasure! ps uhhh pls don't count the words on this one
from this prompt list
James has thought about the moment at least once an hour, every day, for about two months now. Putting it into perspective like that makes him come face-to-face with the fact that he’s even more ridiculous than he’s usually comfortable admitting. 
And James has always known he’s ridiculous.
The conversation plays out a million different ways in his head, like a lucid dream he can only sort of control and only up until a certain point because it’s Lily, and he stopped trying to predict her next move long ago.
It’s why she always beats him at chess. He knows her—really knows her, not like he used to think he did—but he’ll never be able to anticipate what she’ll say or do. Full of surprises, she is.
Somehow, though—his brain, in the infinite possibilities it’s constructed, failed to think of even one situation in which she would be the one asking him.
“What are we?” she asks, sitting on the bench next to him outside Scrivenshaft’s, her thermos of tea warming her hands. She's wrapped in her Gryffindor scarf with a green knit cap pulled down over her ears, auburn curls spilling out and flying around with each heavy gust of the biting January wind. She's perfect and he just—
Stares at her.
“Okay,” she says, laughing, then takes a long sip of her tea, her gaze shifting to the empty street in front of them. It’s still early, so most of the Hogsmeade crowd is either having a lie-in or getting breakfast at the Three Broomsticks.
James and Lily got out of the castle as quickly as they could in order to make the most of their day. Day, not date, because they’re friends. Sort of. Most of the time. Except for when she flirts with him and he flirts back and that one time last week when he’s almost positive she was going to kiss him and that other time last week he is positive he was going to kiss her. And all the other moments that makes him absolutely lose his head.
“Never mind,” she says, and she’s bloody smiling. “I thought we…” Another slow, agonising sip. “Never mind.”
James feels the panic set in, just like when they play chess. It’s his move, he knows it’s his move, but which way can knights move, and how many spaces can bishops take, and—
“You’re freaking out,” she observes casually. He doesn’t know when she looked back at him.
“What?” he manages, the word sounding squeaky.
She might smile again, then. He can’t be sure, because she’s lifted the thermos back up to her lips.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I thought you were ready.” She tilts her head, studying him. “I’ve been trying to pick a good moment, you know. To talk about this. But…” She shrugs. “Guess I was wrong.” She caps her thermos of tea and stands from the bench then, looking down at him. “Wanna go to Honeyduke’s?”
“Do I want to—” He shakes his head, blinking rapidly, then looks up at her, sharply. “Huh?”
Lily laughs softly. “It’s almost ten,” she says, like this was the root of his confusion. “We can be first to the Pick ‘N Mix for once.”
She’s talking about candy. She’s just asked him to define their entire complicated relationship and then—without waiting even a moment for him to catch his breath—started talking about candy.
“Can you…” He frowns, struggling to find his words. (Struggling to remember how to breathe.) “Sit down…please,” he finally manages.
Thankfully, she doesn’t argue, settling back down on the bench beside him. He certainly doesn’t have the wherewithal to match wits with her right now if she chooses to be stubborn.
“I need a…a minute.”
“Okay,” she says, and pops the lid back off her thermos, gracefully pouring herself another shallow cup of tea. “You know,” she says, conversationally, “this works loads better than a heating charm. Marlene says I’m mad for lugging it all about Hogsmeade, but how else can I secure an infinite amount of tea to get me through the day? We don’t have a spell for that yet, do we?”
“Are you—” He breaks off and turns toward her on the bench. “Are you enjoying this?”
Her lips twitch up into a small smile. “Perhaps a little.”
He shuts his eyes tight and groans.
“I intend to be your girlfriend by the time we graduate, Potter,” she says, and he doesn’t know when she’s leaned toward him, but he can smell the peppermint tea on her breath and feel it tickle the hair near his ears. The bench creaks as she moves back away from him, taking his heart with her. “We’ve got, oh—” A pause. “Six more months. I’m not in a hurry.”
Not in a hurry. What the hell is wrong with him? He’s been waiting for this for six years. Well, perhaps that’s a bit dramatic, but—this calls for being dramatic! She’s just admitted to wanting to be his girlfriend—his girlfriend!—and he’s fumbling the Quaffle so bad he’s about to be benched. 
He can’t let this moment pass by without saying something.
“Girlfriend!” he blurts out
“Is that—” Her grin grows, even as her cheeks flush pink. “Was that an offer, or are you auditioning for the role of a caveman in a play I didn’t know Hogwarts was putting on?”
James wants to pull his hair out of his head. He wants to pull it out of his head and make a nest, so he can hide forever, like those bald little baby eagles he saw with his parents on the coast last summer.
“No, I want to—let’s talk.”
She sets the thermos on the bench between them and lifts up her hands, counting her fingers one at a time as her lips move wordlessly. “Wow. Six words.”
“Lily, can—you…”
“Okay, okay,” she says, with a giggle. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop taking the piss, I swear. Let’s talk.” Folding her hands in her lap, she looks at him expectantly. “Do you want to go first, or should I?”
He gives her a significant look, making her laugh again, but she nods.
“Alright,” she begins, “well I don’t have much to say, really.” She shrugs, her legs dangling back and forth over the bench, just shy of touching the snowy ground. “I like spending time with you. I think you’re ridiculously fit. You’re a good person and—I really want to be able to kiss you without wondering if it’ll ruin everything.”
James has always found most Muggle swears to be rather lacking in oomph, but now—
Jesus fucking Christ.
“Oh,” he says.
“So, Potter,” she drawls, nudging his shin with her foot, “what are we?”
“I would—” he starts, then pauses, clearing his throat and sitting up straighter. “I would…like us to be more than friends.”
“Oh,” she echoes, her foot hooking behind his on the ground in front of them.
“Lily.”
“Hm?”
“I’ve had a—a whole speech ready. For weeks.” he confesses. “But right now, my brain is…cold, I think. So I don’t want you to take my lack of…words…as a lack of enthusiasm. I’m…very enthused.”
Lily looks at him, jade eyes blazing. “Will I get to hear the speech in the near future?”
“Do you…want to?”
“I want to hear anything you have to say, Potter,” she says simply.
“Are you sure because—”
“Yes,” she replies, moving closer. Her wind-chapped lips stop a breath away from his. “What are we, James?”
He inhales deeply and doesn’t think again before murmuring, “Everything,” and closing the gap between them.
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aetheternity · 2 years
Text
What ruins the mood during sex
A/N: {I remember writing one of these posts for AOT like three years ago. How times have changed.} Ok so like when I was writing Venti and Xiao's I felt a weird sense of Deja Vu like I'd somehow read a scenario like this in someone else's work but I can't tell if it's a real genuine feeling I should look into further or if it's some kind of random emotion based on this prompt which has been done to death as it is. But if someone tells me that someone else wrote this prompt with those two and created the same scenario I would look into it.
A/N 2: Ok so like I took my sweet time posting this because I wanted to see if I'd manage to come up with an idea for Kazuha, Albedo and Scaramouche but I could not. So if you want to know why they're not here that's why. (Yes this is a repost)
Characters: Aether, Cyno, Heizou, Tighnari, Venti, Xiao
Disclaimer: Adult situations, MDNI.
Cyno: In, a quickie turned accidental creampie.
He's got such a nice pace going. Your arms wrapped around his neck, legs tangled around his waist. Eyes fluttering shut as he slams your hips into the desk beneath you.
"Cy, are you gonna cum?"
He hums a quick reply, hips stuttering forward.
Your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets, "Wait! Cyno not inside!"
He manages to pull out but not before he'd already stained your clenching walls and a couple drops along your ass. "Since when do you want me to pull out?" He groans, eyes narrowing at the cum drenching the desk beneath you.
"Ugh! I just.. didn't want to walk around like this all day! I won't be able to shower till night fall.." You sigh in frustration. Spreading your legs wider to see the damage. "I guess I should've warned you sooner but I thought about it too late."
He simply grunts, "I will help you clean up as much as possible."

Aether: In, which one of us didn't lock the door?
He's got your hips from behind. A rather long moan cresting off his lips as he gets sucked in as deeply as he can go. Your own eyes rolling to the skies as you pull him in, pressing your hips back into his with vigor.
That is until the door creaks open suddenly, Paimon's voice loudly calling. Luckily Aether was far quicker he launched a pillow at full speed taking Paimon out fast enough for him to slam the door shut.
"Not now Paimon!" He screamed over her protests.
Meanwhile you'd already taken to the floor. Stripping the blanket from the bed as you tried and failed to hide your laughter.
Aether on the other hand looks less than amused.

Xiao: In, on the edge of glory.
You'd been teaching Xiao little things about mortal sexual relations. Not so much for testing purposes simply because he'd asked. Most of the things you'd talked about got you one of two reactions: A blank stare or a disappointed eye roll. Though as much as you wanted to properly ask, you decided against questioning Xiao's sexual exploration. For at least the time being.
At some point however Xiao had slid a book in front of you. The page already flipped to a section about edging. Now your mind probably shouldn't have immediately jumped to shock followed by an internal battle over your Xiao Xiao reading a book but-
"I wish to try this out.." He mumbled, staring off into space as he spoke.
"Of course."
Seeing as you'd done at least this much before: Getting him hard and then getting him close to cumming had been fairly easy. His breaths short and heavy as you worked him up just enough to perfectly edge him. That is until you started to work him up again only for his sensitivity to win out. His body crumbling as he covered his chest and your hand with his load.
You giggle a little at how easily, he quells at even your softest touches. Which of course was logical. He hadn't exactly done this with anyone else before.
"Aw Xiao.." You peered up at him completely endeared. Your heart fluttering so hard when you saw the way his eyes were squeezed shut and the bright red adorning his cheeks. "Xiao! It's ok! don't make that face honey it's ok."
He weakly grumbles but you just continue your praise, pressing kisses into the crook of his neck and along each of his shoulders. "We can try again, I promise."

Heizou: In, injuries may occur.
The way you've got his cock sliding between your lips, so slowly, so perfectly it makes him weak. He presses your head deeper, pushing you a little faster with soft words of encouragement.
On a particular stroke you manage to press deeper than you'd ever done before. Enough to kiss his pelvic bone. The feeling so intense Heizou's leg jolts, hard enough that his foot comes in contact with your stomach.
"Man alive! I'm sorry!" He pulls your face back, straightening up to check you for discomfort. "Are you ok?" His thumb softly massages your cheek.
"It's fine Shika." You simply grin. "It was good to know you were feeling good."
"Ugh, but that still couldn't have felt great.. Allow me to make it up to you somehow."
"What do you have in mind?"
Safe to say that moment had been ruined but perhaps the "moment" wasn't.

Tighnari: In, maybe you should've just left it there..
He's barely had a moment to sneak away all day and boy does he need it with the way you've been teasing him. He's nearly reached his limit and is about to shove you against the closest tree when a small window of opportunity arises.
The rookie forest rangers have a lunch break.. and that means so does he.
He slides into you so eagerly the second he gets you alone. Bracing your hips against his desk as he pounds you so unabashedly. Little giggles and moans falling off your lips. That is until a tube of some mysterious powder rolls its way off the desk, cracking as it collides with the floor.
"Shit.." Without hesitation Tighnari pulls out yanking the tube up from where it'd dropped. Unfortunately too quickly as his head immediately slams into the table's end. So quickly and so roughly it clattered around with you atop it.
"Oh archons, are you ok?!" You slide off the desk basically dropping onto the floor beside him. Tighnari's whine surprisingly loud as he rubs the back of his head just below his ear.
"I'll be fine but agh.. ow!"
Safe to say you two should probably finish later.

Venti: In, bless you??
You cup his face, devouring any and every moan he musters as they fill your open lips. His face scrunches up and you prepare for that all too familiar full body shudder he always does when he cums.
"Almost there, Love, so close." You coo
He lets out a little noise of confusion, nose twitching and before you can even begin to question it you're immediately covered in snot and spit. A surprise that's just as soon followed by him pumping you full of cum.
"Oh wow!" He chuckles "I'm so so sorry darling, I didn't realize I still had any sneezes left from my earlier performance at the Cats Tail ehe~"
"Venti.."
"I'm still so very sorry.."
"Run."
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fairy-writes · 2 years
Note
Hello there 👋
I was wondering if you could write a one-shot for Uta?? Something fluffy w/ a shy/sweet human!reader 😊
Thanks in advance! 💜
DON’T YOU DARE (MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU)
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Reblogs and Comments are greatly appreciated!!
__________________________________________________________________________
Fandom(s): Tokyo Ghoul
Pairing(s): Uta x Gender Neutral!Human!Reader
Genre(s)/Tag(s): 
Notes: Songfic with the song “Don’t You Dare (Make Me Fall in Love with You) by Kaden MacKay
__________________________________________________________________________
When Uta first realized he was in love with you, admittedly, he panicked a little. 
You were a human. He was a ghoul. It wasn’t a relationship that was supposed to work. 
He couldn’t be in love. That was just absurd. He had more exciting things on his plate than love.
Don't you dare make me fall in love with you
Don't you dare enchant me with those eyes
If I fell through your skies,
There's no way you would catch me
There's a tear in my heart,
But your patch wouldn't match me
Uta first met you when he was at Anteiku, and you happened to walk in. It was busy. Most, if not all, of the tables were full, and when you began to approach, he got an idea of what was happening. 
“Can I sit here? Everywhere else is full.” You ask shyly, and he gets the feeling that you’re nervous. Which is understandable with his appearance. He was used to it. 
He nods once, and your expression relaxes as you sit down. The tenseness of your shoulders eases, and you pull out a sketchbook and flip to a new page as Touka brings over your drink. You smile at her and whisper a “thank you.”
You sketch in silence until he feels the need to have a conversation. It’s more of a whim, really, the urge to get to know a human to learn if they’re all like the CCG and Doves. 
“What are you drawing?” He asks, and you jump. But you turn around and show him nonetheless, and he’s blown away. 
It’s rough, with stray lines in some places, but it’s a perfect picture of himself, reclining in the chair and his coffee in hand.
You even got the lettering of his tattoo around his neck right.
The longer he stares, the more fidgety you become. 
“Sorry, I can get rid of it if you want. I know it might be rude to draw other people without permission—” 
“No, no, it’s beautiful. Thank you for choosing me as a model.” He finds himself saying, and his cold heart flutters when you beam. 
You end up gifting him the picture, and after you exchange names, you leave. 
He finds your number hastily scrawled at the bottom of the drawing. 
Being near you still adds to the size of my sighs,
There's still seismic events at hellos and goodbyes,
And I still need reminders of why it's unwise
To stare
So don't you dare
The longer he thinks about it, the more he likes the idea of you becoming friends. You’re shy, but you’re sweet and a brilliant artist. You would be entertaining, at least. 
But he’s likely never to meet you again, so that idea snuffs out like a candle. So he doesn’t text you. 
At least until you walk into his shop. 
You are admiring one of his masks on display when he enters the room from the back. He had heard the door jingle but wanted to finish some of the final stitching of the current mask he was working on. It was for the new half-ghoul Kaneki Ken. But that was beside the point. 
What were you doing here?
Don't you dare make me fall in love with you
Don't you dare do something so cliché
Just get out of my daydreams,
You're an unwelcome guest
And stop making me miss you
'Cause you leaving's for the best
You look up as he comes in, and confusion brightens your eyes. 
“Uta?” You ask, and he nods,
“That’s me. Welcome to HySy ArtMask Studio.” He says, more out of habit than anything. You offer him a smile, and he finds his heart trembling at the sight. 
What was wrong with him?
“I heard there was a mask studio that could offer a lot of inspiration. I didn’t know you owned it.” You comment as you cradle your sketchbook against your chest. Your pencil is stuck behind your ear, and you’re dressed in a thick knit sweater and trousers. Your boots scuff against the floor. 
He finds himself gesturing to the masks. 
“Make yourself at home.” He says, genuinely meaning it. 
'Cause I just couldn't stand having you as my crutch
You're a simmering stovetop I was tempted to touch
If you ever return, it'll burn me too much
To bear
So don't you dare
After the initial text, you are really the only one keeping up the conversation. Sure, Uta replies, but he keeps a certain amount of distance between you two. Mainly for your safety. 
But for whatever reason, you keep coming back. 
Your presence becomes a regular in his shop. You come every Friday, right after your university classes. Even though you are his age, if not a year younger, you say you are working toward your bachelor’s degree in—you guessed it—art. 
You say you want to open your own shop and sell your artwork. 
Much like him. 
And I know it's all so shallow, but a shallow cut still stings
And before my heart becomes Amelia's heir, I need to clip its wings
So don't you dare keep mocking me with those
Thousand little things that I adore
Let me ignore you, don't let me care
He tries to ignore you the closer you two become. 
For your safety. 
At least, that’s what he tells himself. 
And don't you dare leave me still in love with you
Nothing's fair when love is war
And I just can't endure any more of the fight
When the casualties rise with my heart rate each night
At first, Uta thinks he’s dying. Of course, that would explain why you always make his heart race and his blood run hot. 
That would explain why you’re always on his mind. 
Right?
Though I know I'm to blame for the glances I'd steal,
For the time I kept spending pretending it's real
And now that it's ending, I still have more feelings to spare
But don't you dare
It takes a talking to from Yomo for him to realize what’s going on. 
Don't you dare
When Uta first realized he was in love with you, admittedly, he panicked a little. 
But he doesn’t hate the idea. 
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number1jeonginstan · 11 days
Text
I'm only on here quickly because I am still swamped with work, but I have started writing again, so please don't fret.
I wanted to come on here and give some recommendations for some authors who truly put every fiber of their being into the writing they produce for us, and why I beg and plead you should support them.
I understand wanting to read quick smut, like some creators like I produce, but if you truly want to be immersed in a story and feel a myriad of emotions, here are my recommendations.
@cb97percent They truly are some of the most talented writers I have read in years, and this comes from an avid reader. Their ability to write a story with so much range and emotion is truly impeccable. They set up each scene perfectly, but at times allude to it, to the point that whenever I read their work, I'm truly entranced. I can still remember I believe last summer, I could be wrong because I forget timelines quite easily, that I was constantly refreshing her page to read Unprofessional. When I tell you it had me by the throat, from the first sentence I read, I knew that I had to consume all her work and I hope you guys enjoy it as well because she truly is ever so talented and deserves so much more recognition than she receives.
@straywrds Their ability to portray emotions through their writing is captivating. I can say with full certainty that I have enjoyed ever single one of their fics and series. I have come across several accounts where her fics make me bawl out and cry, my body borderline shuddering from the words on the page, but the sorrow and the pain is worth it. She truly captures the emotions of every character she writes, giving each one of them an extensive background. She makes you feel like you are truly in the story, feeling the reader's emotions every step of the way. Her writing is something I wish I could read again for the first time because it is truly impeccable.
@moonjxsung is another truly amazing writer, and I feel like everyone should check out at least one of her fics. From my perspective, she is truly an incredible writer and I have loved reading all of her works, especially her recent Bangchan fic.
@seospicybin She has some truly wonderful fics, and I have never in my life skipped past them. If you want something longer to bring you either a laugh, like her "Too Hot to Handle" series, or something that leaves you at the edge of your seat, confused about what's going to happen next, like her new "Roadtrip" series, I truly recommend reading her fics!!
@hyunjinspark is another author that I love beyond the end of the width. Both of her Hyunjin fics, although one has not been completed yet, are truly a story. It is like reading a book that just makes you want to never stop, never wanting to put it down. I don't know how I stumbled across her fics, but I'm ever so grateful to find them and immerse myself in them.
Again, this is not me saying that these are the best writers on skz-tumblr (I mean... they kinda are 😁) but if you really want to read something that's longer than 2k words of smut, I really recommend you check these beautiful people out because their work deserves an immense amount of praise.
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daytaker · 8 months
Note
greetings from clown anon, adored the fic very silly <33
i apologise if i’m filling up your inbox but may i ask for an mc that’s a mortician? that or is just desensitised to death and knows a lot about it, like i imagine whenever the brothers in early season 1 used to do like very specific threats mc would be like “uh actually that’s not how that works” essentially acting like a bit of a smart ass completely glossing over the actual threat
thanksies in advance (´∀`*)
Clown Anon MCs - [ Clowncore MC | Death-Fixated Science Geek MC | LeVeyan Satanist MC ]
(I'll be real I have no memory of the specific threats and I was too lazy to go look for them but I will follow along the lines of the prompt anyway.)
I'm going to do this one in bullet point form. Hope that's okay.
(CW: a bit gross at times. not quite gore.)
Now I Am Become MC, Destroyer of Worlds: A Death-Fixated Main Character in Obey Me!
Read below the cut.
They're extremely curious about demon anatomy. And not in a kinky way. They want to see how similar the structure and layout of demon organs are to human organs. They want to get full body X-rays when those wings and tails pop up. They want to get it on video when they appear and disappear. Because what the fuck. Yeah, yeah, they get it, magic exists, but still, what the fuck?!
They fully expect Beel to keel over and die one day from overeating. There is no way any single individual can consume the way he does and survive. They're actually hoping that if he does, they'll be able to carry out the post-mortem and see what exactly was going on with that stomach of his. I mean, yes, they'll be very sad he's gone, but at least he'll have died as a martyr to science!
Dead shadow hog? Taxidermied. Dead fire newt? Taxidermied. Dead devil zebra? Brought home, dissected, taxidermied. The brothers don't really like to go to their room because of the constant dizzying stench of formaldehyde that comes from it.
Sometimes they'll just sit and stare at one of the brothers. If asked what they're doing, they'll simply say, "Observing." Reactions to this range from Beel's "Oh, okay," to Levi's "I'M GOING TO MY ROOM AND NEVER LEAVING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE."
So Solomon's immortal, is he? How immortal, exactly? Is it just that he'll never die from old age? Could he die of a disease? Surely he could die from injuries, right? Has he tested this? Can they test it? Please?
....Please?
Wait, wait, wait. Satan came from where? How? Why? What the hell? Lucifer, take your shirt off, they need to do some investigating. Satan, you too. Lucifer, show them your back. No scars? Not even from ripping your own wings off? Hm. Satan, do you have a bellybutton? ...That's weird, you definitely didn't need an umbilical cord. And you're saying he came out full-sized? Stop telling them it's magic! Magic is just science that people don't understand yet.
Actually, all of you get in here and strip, this has been a long time coming. MC needs to figure out what the hell is happening here.
Why not?
Pleeeease?
Satan, let's talk about one of your murder mysteries! They do this exactly one time, and never again because MC kept interrupting to point out plot holes and inconsistencies. It was so annoying. It kind of ruined the genre for him for a little while.
Leviathan, MC wants to ask you about how you survive underwater. Levi--- Hey, where are you going? Levi?
They write their paper on comparative anatomy of demons, angels, and humans. Diavolo gets a little queasy after the first page and gives them an A. He doesn't want to read the rest, he trusts they did a thorough job.
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Text
Traditional Chinese Translation of Homestuck Analysis-Beta Troll Typing Quirks
That's right, there's a full traditional Chinese translation of Homestuck. You can find it, along with links to other translations, here. If you want to jump to Hivebent when all the beta trolls are officially introduced so you can see this for yourself, here's a link to the first page.
But first, I'll give as succinct of a rundown of the elements of the Chinese language that are relevant as I can. The Chinese writing system doesn't have an alphabet, instead words all have unique characters. So a lot of the trolls' quirks just can't be 'transliterated', because they have something to do with spelling. Similarly, Chinese characters don't have upper or lower cases.
There are multiple ways to type Chinese on an electronic device, but the most common is using a Latin script keyboard. You type out the pinyin of a Chinese character (which is the system mostly commonly used to romanize Mandarin Chinese nowadays) and some suggestions for characters with pinyin romanizations spelled that way pop up in a little window, and then you pick the one that you want.
Chinese also has A LOT of homophones because instead of making a wider variety of noises like English, Chinese opted to differentiate words partially based on the tone they're spoken in. This is absolutely fantastic for puns and wordplay, English could never hope to be anywhere near Chinese's level in that regard. This comes into play with some of the trolls' typing quirks.
And just to clarify, sometimes I say 'Chinese' and sometimes I say 'Mandarin', that's because Mandarin is the official dialect in both mainland China and Taiwan and now the mostly widely spoken one in the world. It isn't mutually intelligible with most other Chinese dialects (this is part of why some people argue that Chinese isn't a single language but a language family). However, written Chinese can generally be understood regardless of the dialect you speak, even if people speaking in different dialects often have different ways of saying the same thing, like greetings and whatnot. When I say Chinese I mean things that broadly apply to written Chinese or the Chinese language/language family as a whole, when I say Mandarin I mean things specific to the Mandarin dialect. I think that about covers it. This post is already getting a bit long so I'll put everything else under a cut. Here's the breakdown:
Aradia: Replaces characters with the Arabic numeral for zero 0. I looked it up and apparently the Chinese character for zero also carry connotations of negation or mean things like 'nought' or 'no', which seems to fit with at least most of the instances she uses it in. Apparently this character can also have some link to death and dead spirits, which would fit given how she's a ghost at the beginning of the story.
Tavros: Uses the character 呃 a lot, which can be used like 'uh' or 'eh'. Uses 嗯 which can be used like 'hmm' or 'uh' as well, or like a general mumbling/light groaning sound, but with less frequency. Still, types haltingly, and uses commas, a lot, like in English, without any periods, Since Chinese doesn't have upper or lower cases, Tavros cANT DO THAT THING HE DOES IN ENGLISH, WHERE HE TYPES IN ALL CAPS OTHER THAN, THE FIRST LETTER OF SENTENCES, sO UNFORTUNATELY, there isn't a lot else to say here.
Sollux: Still refers to the others by their nicknames like KK and AA. He uses reduplication more often than most of the others, which is when you repeat part of a word or even a whole word for various reasons, often to stress your point. He also replaces characters that are pronounced as 'shi' in Mandarin with the Chinese character for 4, which is pronounced as 'si' and written as 四. I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be reminiscent of his lisp. EDIT: AS @autumntides reminded me, in at least Mandarin and Cantonese four is a homophone with death, and thus it carries the stigma of death and unluckiness. This fits in well with Sollux's mage of doom class and everything related to it, like Vriska mind controlling him to kill Aradia and him dying during the vast glub because he didn't make it into the game in time before Feferi revived him. I still think it's also the lisp, though.
Karkat: He doesn't type in a larger font size then the others so he doesn't really have any typing quirks, at least none I've been able to ascertain, but he's just as imaginative with his cursing. It can be pretty rough for me to parse and equally rough to translate into English in a way that doesn't sound really awkward, but one of my favorites is 'Rotten bloated corpse of God Almighty! Goddammit, what the fuck does your pockmarked think stem want?'
Nepeta: Uses onomatopoeias that equate to 'cat sounds' like meow and roar, as well as a good bit of reduplication. Still uses asterisk marks and speaks in the third person to indicate when she's role-playing.
Kanaya: Doesn't use punctuation. That's it, since she can't capitalize things like she does in English. I really wish I could say more but that's all I can see. She's still verbose, though.
Terezi: Replaces words that are homophones or near homophones with the numbers 1, 3, and 4 in Mandarin with their Arabic numerals, presumably to resemble how she types in leetspeak in English.
Vriska: Still types out characters 8 times occasionally, but rather than letters (since the Chinese writing system doesn't have an alphabet) it's the whole 'word' like 月月月月月月月月. Replaces words that are homophones (or almost homophones) with 'eight' in Mandarin with the Chinese character for 8 八. I'm pretty sure it's meant to signify that she's dragging the word out rather than repeating it, like when she does thiiiiiiiis in English.
Equius: Still uses % like X's, but he just types it and then types out the word. Again, I don't know exactly what kind of keyboard he's using, but if he's using a Latin script keyboard, he's just typing things like %xuan but when he's finished typing it looks like this %選.
Gamzee: Types out every other character in a slightly smaller font size then the default, he's the only one that changes his font size to resemble his English typing quirk. I'm guessing/hoping they have a set up where he can just as easily change font size as Latin script keyboards can change between lower and uppercase by hitting a certain button, but who knows. He uses ta ma de 他媽的 a lot, which is pretty much the Chinese equivalent of 'motherfucker/motherfucking', and cao 操, which is just 'fuck' but the verb.
Eridan: Still refers to the others by their nicknames like Fef and Kan. A lot of reduplication. A LOT of it, way more than Sollux or Nepeta even. I think this is supposed to be reminiscent of how he doubles his Vs and Ws in English rather then symbolizing true grammatical reduplication, though. It also seems to be that his specific flavor of reduplication is like Vriska's, it's meant to signify he's dragging the sound of a word out rather than repeating it. He also types ~ right after reduplication, seemingly to resemble the waves on the ocean and that he's sort of saying it in a 'wavy' manner, like how in English the comic remarks that he has a 'really weird kinda wavy sounding accent'. Honestly it's annoying to look at, and other Chinese speakers have told me the same thing when they saw how he types. Maybe that was intentional?...
Feferi: She does the same thing as Equius does with X but uses ) ( in front of words whose pinyin romanization starts with H. Uses 'gulu' in the place of 'glub' as transliteration. Replaces characters like those for 'is' 是 and 'have' 有 for characters that have that character in it but also have the character for fish 魚 like 鯷 and 鮪. Also occasionally uses ------ before characters, I think it's meant to symbolize that she's saying something excitedly.
And there you have it. This was rough and took a lot of time, but it was fun if at times deeply frustrating. I may do more of these posts comparing the Chinese translation to the original English, I'm particularly interested in the alpha trolls, but who knows. If you enjoyed this I'd greatly appreciate you sharing it :)
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the-great-ladyg · 7 months
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So, I watched the James Somerton second apology video so you don't have to, this are my highlights, feel free to add more if I missed something important:
He monetized the video to donate to HBG's team and Wikipedia, apparently, he said also he has reached some of the people who he plagiarized but still, if he did he would have explicitly said "I'm donating to them"
Did he really said "well, I'm a white cis gay man, I don't have the same experiences as others in the community" as an excuse on plagiarizing others' works? And the "I thought I might be able to won over some people" sounds like some white savior shit
He still throws Nick under the bus, it really shows that James doesn't regret any other times he did that and it sounds like he hired Nick as a shield for criticism and not to have a more diverse work team
He apologizes to Jessie Gender and many others, but doesn't explicitly addresses why he might have offended them on first place (except for the police incident), yeah, he says he was reactionary, but he has been on many occassions. I'm not expecting a full detailed explanation, but at least he could have said "for the Nebula drama" or something like that
James says that at one point, due to covid economic consequences, he and Nick became poor and that led him to plagiarize more since they had to upload more videos, and look, I suck at organizing my time, I tend to do everything with little time before the date, and I wrote most of my thesis on the last minute with one or two days of investigating and I still didn't plagiarize, I could cite all of my sources the correct way, if my early 20s procrastinating ass could wrote a 70 page thesis on my own without plagiarizing, he could write a script with a second person without stealing but he prefered to do it anyway
Also the alegedly head injury, I'm not going to say that's a lie, but knowing how this guy uses any card on his favor, this might be something he pulled from his ass to justify himself
I don't know why but some of this Telos drama explanatiom sounds again like he didn't even know how to do all of this, and I get what is to start a project having little to no idea on how to start or continue, but he tried to do so much with so little without asking for any help when he clearly needed some help other than Nick, and also sounds like another excuse to justify plagiarizing
"Misinformation made its way into our past videos", no, my friend, it doesn't make its way when you investigate or check a site other than the first one you see, James loves to say he likes to investigate but still says things like this. "It wasn't malicious", (seriously, the audacity of this bitch), oh yeah, there's nothing malicious coming from the mysogynist biphobic and transphobic dude who misgenders trans people and erases a woman's bisexuality, specially when this lady told you she wasn't a straight woman as you said and this was a known fact for a few years
The ADHD thing feels like some ableist shit, like "don't blame me, I have ADHD uwu", James has offended many groups and communities through his youtube career and in his apology video he still finds the way to insult another group that suffers from many harmful stereotypes
As I said on a post addressing his first apology video, James can't create a space for everyone if he's transphobic, mysogynist, acephobe and racist, and he pretends he's convinced he was creating an "inclusive space"
Just as many people have said before, he didn't address anything of the things he's been accused of except plagiarism, he only says "I'm sorry to everyone who I have offended", no dude, you don't address mysogyny, racism or transphobia this way, James is a piece of shit and a coward.
And this idiot has put on public display some of his videos, specially the ones that show his racism (yeah, the Killing Stalking and Painter of the Night videos), I'm not clicking on them but I'm pretty sure he didn't cut his racist mysogynist rants, because they might not be plagiarized (if James is to be trusted) but they show the worst parts of him when he's trying to be original, and putting this shit videos on public shows he regrets nothing on being a piece of shit.
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daenysx · 9 months
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Hiya, so I saw that your requests were open and I wondered if you could write like a prequel to the oneshot where the reader has oral fixation? It's one of my favourites of yours, and I'm just really curious how Aemond discovered that reader has an oral fixation? Could you write that pretty please, with a cherry on top? :)
(If you don't want to, I completely understand, don't worry <3
you can read this as a prequel to this! hope you enjoy. modern!aemond x reader who has oral fixation
ps; @aglaias-blog thank you for being so kind to me all the time, you are an angel. i really do hope you like this, i tried my best! love u ♡
you look nervous.
your relationship with aemond is fairly new, but he knows your tells. you can't sit straight, your eyes look glossy, and you keep biting your lip. your shaky hands are curled on the table as you turn the page of your book. your lip looks swollen already, your teeth leave marks on the sensitive skin. you bite the back of your pencil this time, leaving your poor lips free. well, for a moment at least. you give your attention back to your lips as you underline a passage on the book.
aemond watches you studying, he tries not to stare but it's hard considering how he has so much to learn about you. he is pretty sure that you are not aware of the bitings, you don't use your teeth consciously. he can't lie to himself, you look cute with those red lips, all swollen and soft, but it must hurt you at some point.
you flinch suddenly, and so does he. he is out of the trans you got him in, looking at you to see what's wrong. you've made your lip bleed, a small line of blood is recognizable. you put your finger on the spot, looking at the drop of redness on your fingertips with sad eyes.
aemond is quick to move. "let me get you some paper towel, yeah?" he leaves the table, comes to your side in literally 2 seconds. "there you go, we should press here. you're okay, sweetheart."
you smile but your bottom lip aches with the movement. you make a small sound, earning a soft look from aemond. "keep it pressed like this, i'll find you some cream to put on."
you listen to him, and your lip feels better after 5 minutes of him taking care of you. he's still standing by your chair, tilting your chin up to make an eye contact. your lip looks better but he's not gonna leave your side until you feel better.
"do you wanna tell me what's wrong?" aemond asks. "why are you so nervous?"
your look at him with big eyes, soft and tired. "i'm having trouble writing my assignment, and it's due in two days."
he understands how you care about academic validation, and he can find solutions for your problems if he tries hard enough. "my head is so full, i can't stop thinking about my finals, and- and other things." you continue.
aemond nods, his thumb stroking your chin. his hands are so big, and fingers so long that he can cover your entire jawline when he uses his thumb to touch your skin. "you have every right to be nervous, but please don't hurt yourself like this." he says. "i know you didn't mean to, but still..."
you nod, closing your eyes. your hands reach his thighs to support yourself as he stands tall in front of you while you sit. he keeps stroking your chin, and suddenly your lips part when his thumb goes beneath your bottom lip. your eyes closed, face all relaxed in his palms, and your hands holding onto his thighs; aemond almost loses his mind when you open your mouth ever so slightly to take his thumb inside.
he recovers quickly, presses a soft fingertip on your sensitive lip. you get encouraged, part your lips further for him. he slowly pushes his thumb inside as your lips close around him, keeping him inside of your mouth.
he isn't sure if he heard that correctly but you make a small gasping sound as you suck on his thumb. his other fingers keep stroking your cheeks, his thumb inside your mouth pressing softly on your tongue, only for you to suck it harder. you are visibly relaxed, aemond feels like he found a way to reduce your stress.
he wants to discover more. do you enjoy having him in your mouth? do you feel relaxed when you busy yourself focusing on the pressure between your lips? do you like using your teeth? he is curious, and he moves his thumb quicker that he intends to. your eyes snap open as if you just realize what you've been doing. you pull yourself away from him, his shy girl, and you blush.
"i'm so sorry, aemond." you whisper. "i didn't mean to- i mean, you-"
he is quick to hush you by pressing his fingertips on your lips. "i wanted you to do that, sweetheart. you didn't do anything to be sorry for, i just-" he tries to be gentle. "it felt good, didn't it? your mouth being occupied?"
you nod, shyly, you're trying to get used to the feeling of your new boyfriend as he tries to find a way to help you. "i don't do it on purpose. biting my lip, or chewing on the pencil i mean."
"i see." he says. "i can help you, you know? you don't have to hurt yourself."
you shake your hand. "i don't want to hurt you."
he gives you a sly smirk. "who says i'm hurting?" he reaches for your hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "i liked it."
"yeah?"
"yeah." he nods. "of course."
you stand up from your chair to hold onto him, arms wrapped around his abdomen. he makes you feel so comfortable at that moment and so safe, you feel like you can fall asleep right there with the sudden relaxation you get. "can we go to bed?"
he rubs your back, a big hand around your neck. "we can, baby."
you are tired but you keep your eyes open as you settle down. you've been on aemond's bed before, it's nothing new, but somehow it feels more intimate this time. he gives you one of his shirts to wear, folds your clothes gently before he puts them on the chair. he lays on bed next to you after he adjusts the pillows the way he knows you're comfortable.
you wrap one of your legs around aemond's thighs, he supports you by holding your waist. he tilts your chin up and leans into your space, pressing the softest kiss on your lips. "does it hurt?" he whispers.
"my lip?" you already know the answer.
"mm-hmm." his fingers wander on your cheek.
"no." you say. "i'm okay."
"that's good." he says. "i was terrified, thinking i can't kiss you."
he doesn't even wait, he just puts his lips on yours and kisses you. you kiss him back, you know he won't let you go for a long time. he moves his lips ever so gracefully on yours and you are desperate for breathing his air.
you hold onto his arm, pulling him closer. neither of you breaks the kiss, you suck his bottom lip, and he pushes his tongue in your mouth. you make a small sound, accepting anything he gives you. now that he knows how much you like using your mouth on him, he gives you plenty of opportunities to take what you want.
you are breathless when he stops. you give one last, little kiss on his bottom lip and try to catch your breath. aemond pulls the covers on you, helps you lay down on top of him without forcing your neck.
"you know," you begin, quietly. "i'm still nervous about my finals."
he lets out a laugh. "i know. i'll wake you up early, okay? just try to get some rest."
you nod, brush a thank you kiss on his neck. "aemond?"
"hmm?" he sounds tired, too.
"can i-" it takes every piece of bravery to form your question. "can i have your fingers?" you ask him quietly.
he rubs the corner of your mouth, his thumb playing with your bottom lip. "yes." your part your lips for him and it's the most perfect thing he's ever witnessed. "anytime you want, sweetheart."
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thewebcomicsreview · 2 months
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Oh hey, Hamsteak 2. Looks like Vriska's...back in Alternia? In a dreambubble?
they sent the thief here in search of power; the power to escape the containment i so painstakingly set up for them
Al confirmed as the Candy narrator. Also confirmed that the black hole is "containment" for the dreambubbles and non-canon worlds, and that all the ghosts falling in wasn't an accident of fighting Lord English.
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the black hole could only ever shelter them for so long, and in their haste to shrug off my protection they have opened the door to something far, far hungrier.
This panel is a callback to Karkat about to open the door to the New Universe. Where there were interrupted by Jack Noir. Vriska is interrupted by-
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Yoo! It's Davepeta! Who feel into the black hole and has been conspicuously absent ever since. They're the only Ultimate who is not connected to Dirk, and in some ways the only "true" Ultimate. Interesting that Al considers them such a threat, when Davepeta has never been anything but benevolent.
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Looks like it's all the sprites, in fact. Why...are there two Nannasprites? Oh god, I'm being pushed to the endless limits of my ability to remember Homestuck Lore. Is one of them pre-retcon? I do not remember.
ERISOLSPRITE: wwe'vve been here for liike a miilliion fuckiin 2wweep2. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < actually we just got here DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this place didnt even exist until she popped in ERISOLSPRITE: gue22 ii'll fuck my2elf.
It didn't exist until a character arrived, at which point it retroactively existed the whole time, like how a planet works.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < does that not sound insane to you fefeta? FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383
What? How are Davepeta and Fefeta coexisting? That definitely doesn't make sense.
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Well, logic be damned, it's apparently time for a Vriska training arc.
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Gah! Talksprites! Also, Vriska enters "Hell" on page 666 of Homestuck 2, which is I think the first time this comic has aimed at any kind of Meaningful Number.
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God, we are full on visual novel here. I didn't know Ren'Py could export to web, but I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I presume/hope the save option is default and won't be needed here, it's 1:30am.
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Tavros is here and, much more oddly, alive. I suddenly understand jack shit.
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I have no memory of Tavros ever forgiving Vriska for anything...or, for that matter, Vriska even being aware she did anything that needed to be forgiven. I presume she's just lying here, though.
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This line combined with this pose is the essence of Vriska
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So, Vriska's being forced to "grow as a person" and her big idea to finish her character arc is to atone for her sins by getting Tavros to take revenge on her. Vriska thinks that the secret to gaining power is getting Tavros to kill her.
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I wonder where she got that idea.
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But that time she refused to mind control Tavros into killing her, she wanted him to grow from it, too. Now we're past that.
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I felt smart for remembering the K8LL ME bit but we're being really obvious about it now so I guess they just assumed everyone would and I'm not special :(
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Oh shit. Erisol wasn't kidding.
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Davepeta roleplaying being a cat who dies horribly is kind of the perfect synthesis of Dave and Nepeta. What is this music. It's very toot-y.
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Oh hey a text log. How convenient. So we're trapped in a time loop, then, explicitly recreating Groundhog Day. I guess that explains the infinity hourglass on the Plot Point machine.
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Vriska's having a bad couple of years.
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Davepeta is "countless" cool dudes and kitty girls, which I think is the first explicit confirmation they're an Ultimate Self, though that was pretty strongly implied at least. The only Ultimate to do so without Dirk's involvement.
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Stop letting me intuit things and then immediately making them clear! I don't care if it's good writing, it's making my liveblog bad!
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It's so weird to compare this Davepeta to the one in Homestuck OG. There Davepeta was presented as this wise sage mentor figure who'd achieved enlightenment, and here they're much more of "Dave + Nepeta's combined silliness as one character". It's a subtle difference, but go back and read Davepeta giving this same kind of talk to Jade back in Homestuck 1. I guess that's the difficulty of a character with so little screentime in the original, they're either very limited or they feel slightly off.
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Oh my fucking god, a to-be-continued select screen. Shit, that takes me back in an unexpected way.
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Also, from the associated news update, "the big flash" is apparently several months away (10/25?), and I have to say they might want to be careful about overhyping it, if they have small flashes and now Ren'Py novels that are just preludes. If it's anything less than a Cascade after months and months of hype it could fall flat where a surprise [S] Enter would've popped the fanbase hard.
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arenabreadandbiscuits · 3 months
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Hmm I'm thinking I'm thinking. Gotta make money one way or another am I right? Anyway, animation commissions?
Animations ain't easy so I'm trying to set prices correctly in a way were people get what they pay for but also where I'm not offering in a way that burns me out over something stupid..
Animations would include well of course the animation and the panels that I'll draw either in comic form or separate parts so you could have them.
Vv🔞NSFW-BELOW🔞vV
I'm open to certain ships ((GIVE ME RADIOSTATIC AND ADAMS APPLE 😩)) but I'm more comfortable doing OCS right now. Things like holding hands, kissing, snuggling, etc and unlike this animation wip:
You'll get: FULL lineart and maybe after I see how colors work on Flipaclip and add those in for now but for now expect something like this.
Actually I'm thinking about it more and maybe coloring it won't be bad but I hate coloring in other cases so I you the Wips and the videos and color I think $100 dollars is fair right?? (Comms are used to help support me as I recover, find more info on that HERE on my writing commissions post. Obviously writing is a bit different from art so that why prices are what they are, prices can not be negotiable here because I don't want to accidentally sell myself short and then burn out knowing good and well I need to make funds somehow 🤦🏾)
Honestly this is a work in progress. I've done writing commissions, art and animation but it's just making sure I set things up correctly so hopefully I don't regret anything later. Like I know I can do it I just need the right customers to find me.
Customers of Value: if you are willing to be patient, checking in with me here and there while also not rushing me (because I'll literally send screenshots whenever you need them as I work on your art. Rushing me literally stressed me out so pls don't ^^')
Hm, I'm thinking of how I can explain this better.
What you will get:
at LEAST ten slides on your animation (pricing varies but not heavily so)
'manga' panels of how the animation is basically formed or came to be. (Four panels each page. 2 pages in total with no extra fees)
Screenshots of work whenever you feel you actually need it
A little writing blurb either of what happened prior to the animation or after it. 2k words minimum.
Bundle Example (reposted my own art lolol):
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+ the animation!
(screenshot from a RP I was in but I'm using it as an example of my writing for y'all to see.)
~~~
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I think the highest I'd make anyone pay is $150 at a minimum because it feels fair after all that. ^^'
What y'all think? Oh and did I mention I'll even do the lineart for the manga panels? I will.
Examples of my line art (reposted art of mine):
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Now we wait 🫡👀
I think I covered everything I need to but I'll make edits if I have to at any point in case I didn't! If you've made it to this part of the post I thank you for reading! ❤️
Payment methods for me, I will only take:
Cashapp
Chime
Venmo
One
Current (but on hold for now because I'm still getting used to current ^^')
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ougougougoug · 1 year
Text
😅👉🏽
this is a haiku that uses just two symbols.
so, let me explain:
(while editing this post i found out that a few emojis i use are not supported on certain browsers. clearly im being silenced.
if you paste them in discord, then they should display, otherwise, suffer?)
haikus are simple, but have a rigid structure, which is why they’re fun. just five syllables, then seven, then five again, arranged in three lines.
what I think is fun is what I like to call a ‘minimal haiku,' which is where you try to use as few symbols as possible to write all three lines of a haiku. so, for example, we start with numbers.
7 is so cool everybody likes 7 7 is funky
in this haiku here, although '7' is only one symbol, it counts as two syllables, because that's how it's pronounced. so, obviously, we can just kind of run with that, right?
so here is the smallest haiku i think you can make using numbers in this way.
here is the haiku:
77 707 77
"seventy seven seven hundred and seven seventy seven"
this haiku uses (fittingly) seven symbols, but it kind of sucks. we're playing fast and loose with what we're calling a haiku, but it would still be nice if the minimal haikus we wrote kind of, at least, sort of made sense, i think.
so here's the smallest haiku i have written so far using only numbers and letters.
alright, here is the haiku:
33 x 3 funny 700x 69 ha ha
"thirty three times three funny seven hundred times sixty nine ha ha"
its not exactly high art, but it's technically comprehensible as a series of words that express a full thought, and that's good enough.
obviously, you can go further than this, and the next logical step is ascii. I don't think there's any ascii symbols that can be pronounced as seven syllables, but there are a few that can do five.
so here's the smallest haiku i could make using just ascii symbols:
) :) !
"close parentheses colon, close parentheses exclamation mark"
wow! just four symbols, which tell the relatable story of a guy who wakes up and sees that he's slept through his alarm. (it conveys this thought pictorially, but it does convey a thought.)
of course, we can go further.
our next stop is emojis.
now, one thing that's problematic about these is that not everyone might agree on how they should be pronounced, but i say we just play with this, and use whatever makes our haikus work, because, well, it's more fun that way.
so, here's a fun haiku:
🌑 🌓 🌕
"new moon emoji first quarter moon emoji full moon emoji"
wow! just three symbols.
here's a haiku about a working class trans girl:
🧑‍🏭 👩‍🏭 ⚧️
"factory worker woman factory worker transgender symbol"
so, we've managed to make some haikus with just three symbols. but i think we can go smaller.
ive been limiting myself to writing haikus with three visible lines when written down, but you can't do that with just two symbols. so we're just gonna forget about that from this point on.
(as a quick little aside, i said before that, using just numbers,
77 707 77
was the best i could do, but if you ignore how it is written down,
77777
"seventy seven thousand seven hundred and seventy seven"
is a haiku in just one number. anyways, back to emojis)
😵‍💫 🤢
this is a haiku. let me explain to you why.
most emojis are single unicode characters. but some of them are secretly just combinations of two other emojis with a symbol called a 'zero width joiner' between them, which means, although they're displayed as just one symbol, you can break them up into three. here's the wiki page for 'face with spiral eyes', which lists the three unicode symbols that make up the emoji. with that knowledge, you can pronounce this fun haiku as:
"face with crossed out eyes zero width joiner, dizzy nauseated face"
which is a haiku about a person who's sick and might just frow up.
one common type of emoji sequence is for modifying the skin tone of certain emojis. for these, we won't think about what the zero width joiner is doing (in fact, i think some, but not all, of these don't even have one? it's unclear to me, but all the more reason to ignore them.) what we'll do instead is just use the 'CLDR Short Name', which you can find listed here and here on unicode.org. These are about as official as you can get with emoji names, and will cover the emojis i'll be using for the last haikus.
so let's look back at the haiku at the top of this post, shown again:
😅👉🏽
"grinning face with sweat backhand index pointing right medium skin tone"
this takes advantage of the skin colour of the pointing emoji.
so that's another haiku that uses just two symbols, which depicts an anxious person doing finger guns (perhaps they're anxious because they spilled some yellow paint on their face. who knows. like any great artist, my works are up to interpretation.) so this leaves us all asking...
is it possible?
we've done two symbol haikus, but what about...
one?
any emoji which shows a person can be modified both by skin colour and by gender. if there is more than one person in an emoji, then each person can be given their own modifiers.
This means it's just a matter of going through the list of emojis and hoping that you can find one that works.
and, well that's just what i did:
👨🏾‍❤️‍👨🏽
couple with heart: man, man, medium-dark skin tone, medium skin tone
this is the smallest haiku possible to write. it's just a single symbol.
and it's two gay men. a wonderful queer couple. and i think that's great.
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