#Plus he would of put all of his buddies in it as neighbors and such <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[jomtones-bussy]

God I love you so much dawg. REAL SHIT. Adam Sandler spiderman would be actually perfect as the friendly neighborhood Brooklynite who happens to save people.

Every depiction of Peter parker's Spider-Man in film is inaccurate. He needs the accent of a certified Jewish new Yorker who delivers pizza on a moped for a living and beats the fuck outta people who do crimes. He shoulda been played by ben stiller or Adam Sandler.

Andrew Garfield baby you did so good as a Jewish Spider-Man keep going sweetie but I won't forget what you did to Sarah Lynn

[warping-realities]

Where Would You Rather Be? (Redux)

A collaboration with the amazing @johnbrand

“You know I love you, right?” Malcolm reaffirmed to his boyfriend. “And I’m here for you, babe.”

It had been a hell of a week for Shane. He had been living in the city for almost ten years now, moving there for college and then sticking around after graduation. It was a scary transition, but thanks to the quick friends he made, the ride was a bit easier. One of them, Shane’s freshman roommate—who he had lived with and then kept close since they met—got an eviction notice the week before. Shane had been as supportive as he could through the whole mess, but watching his buddy pack up and leave was a real kick in the gut. His friend would now be living hours away, no longer right next door.

Shane nodded his head, followed by a quick “Thanks, babe.”

“I’m happy to be the shoulder you can cry on, I know this sucks” Malcolm sympathized. “Still wanna grab dinner tonight? We can bail on the plans if you need some time.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine,” Shane said with a slight smile. “Plus, it’s our third anniversary—you’ve done more than your fair share, and I’m super grateful for that.”

Malcolm chuckled, quickly snatching Shane from behind. “Then maybe you’ll have to show some gratitude later tonight.”

Rolling his eyes, Shane still returned the passionate kiss from his boyfriend.

That night, he found himself back in his own home. After climbing a few flights of stairs, he was surprised to find his buddy’s old apartment door wide open. Curious, Shane peeked in, and without thinking twice, he stepped into the familiar space, now filled with unknown furniture, boxes, and other random junk scattered around.

Before he could snoop around, a voice from behind barked at him to move aside. “Get outta the way, bro!”

The rich baritone caught Shane so off guard that he jumped a bit, scurrying as a big dude stomped through the doorway before dropping a few boxes. At least six feet tall, the buff, masculine intruder immediately intimidated Shane. Shirtless, barefoot, and rocking some tiny shorts that could easily be mistaken for underwear. Probably due to the effort of hauling all those boxes, the muscular man gave off a strong, manly odor that quickly overwhelmed Shane’s senses. In fact, all of his senses, although he didn’t really realize it. The stranger smiled cockily, sizing Shane up with eyes glinting with mischief before speaking.

“Mind being useful and helping me organize the rest of my stuff?” the man asked. Shane, a bit freaked out by the pure masculinity in front of him, didn’t say a word. The guy didn’t need his response, though, knowing Shane would help him out no matter what. Shane couldn’t explain what came over him; his mouth was just hanging open while cardboard boxes were dumped into his waiting arms.

In minutes, he was soaked in sweat, having to peel off layer after layer of clothing as he helped the stranger organize the apartment. His mind screamed at the absurdity of the situation, yet he kept doing what the man asked him to do like a robot. After an hour of relentless work, the guy, noticing Shane’s drenched clothes, pulled out a change of clothes from one of the boxes still piled in a corner.

“Put these on, thank goodness I wear extra-large, bro, so they should fit your chubby ass!” he said, flexing his muscles and releasing another wave of that masculine musk from his armpits.

Drowsy Shane picked up the clearly unwashed tank top and gym shorts, reeking of that same animal musk but concentrated from days of use. That scent almost made him hurl.

“What are you waiting for, man? Put these on already. We still got work to do.”

Once again, not understanding why, Shane felt compelled to obey, stripping down in front of his new neighbor until he was left only in his underwear. He was already putting on his shorts when the man interrupted him.

“No, man, you gotta let the jewels breathe. Not that they take up much space, from what I can see, but there’s no reason to squeeze the poor things,” he quipped, bursting into laughter, and Shane, even without getting the joke, found himself laughing along. When he was finally dressed in the provided clothes, completely engulfed by the animalistic smell, the man approached him with a grin.

“Back to work, man, a little more exercise and maybe you’ll fill out those clothes just right,” he said with a smirk. Shane just nodded and kept working.

Before he knew it, another two hours had flown by, and the apartment now had a minimally organized look, unlike the previous chaos. The night fully enveloped the dimly lit room.

“Martin,” the mysterious man finally offered his name, alongside a giant meaty hand that crushed Shane’s. “Are you my new neighbor?”

“Uh... yeah,” Shane finally spoke, pointing to the wall their apartments would share.

“Cool, bro,” Martin replied. “Wanna chill on the balcony with me for a bit?”

Shane checked his watch, noting that there was still some time before he had to get ready for his dinner date. “Sure.” Following the muscular alpha outside, Shane took a seat on the wicker couch while waiting for Martin. He did his best to plan out the remaining time he had. Not realizing that the tight outfit now seemed to hang off his body, which in the last few hours had shed a good amount of fat while gaining a little muscle, revealing a face that was somewhere between cute and handsome.

“Sit over there,” Martin directed as he stepped onto the balcony. Shane didn’t think twice about getting up and moving aside so Martin could sit on the couch. It wasn’t until he moved to the other side of the coffee table that Shane realized Martin wanted him to sit on the deck.

“That’s right, faggot. Sit in front of my feet,” Martin said, the friendly smile fading from his face as he propped his giant, smelly feet up on the table.

Shane was shocked, offended by his neighbor’s sudden bigotry. The lame joke about the size of his dick was one thing, but this vocabulary was degrading and... the smell of a full day’s work was coming off those giant boards Martin called feet. And Shane train of thought completely derailed. So he did as he was told, taking his seat in front of the two massive soles placed before him. Somewhat exasperated by the incomprehensible actions he had taken up until that point and anxious not to miss his meeting with his boyfriend, Shane shifted uncomfortably in the awkward spot, to the point that Martin himself noticed.

“You got any plans tonight, fag?” Martin questioned.

In a flustered, embarrassed, and strangely lustful state, Shane answered, “Yeah, I have an anniversary dinner with my boyfriend.”

Martin snickered. “And when is that?”

“I should start getting ready in 10 minutes,” Shane’s response was robotic. “I’ve gotta shower, get dressed, wrap my present, and then travel.”

Martin mulled this over for a bit, relishing the fact that Shane would wait for his next prompt. He was completely overtaken by the scent that wafted from the other man. Martin’s natural musk and body odor held an authority over him like nothing else ever had.

“Let me make you a deal, faggot,” Martin finally said. “You can bounce now, get ready, and have a great night with your loving boyfriend. Or you can stay seated right where you are, at the feet of a straight man, waiting for my next command and finally discover what it’s like to be a real man!”

Shane didn’t reply, shocked by what Martin was insinuating. With casual indifference, Martin wiggled his toes in front of Shane, knowing the silence was already his answer. But in true alpha fashion, Martin made sure to hammer his superiority home.

“Where would you rather be, faggot?” he asked, with his feet releasing another wave of potent funk towards an already completely subdued prey.

They stayed there without saying a word: Martin laid-back, comfortable, and minding his own business, and Shane at his feet. Neither got up as time ticked by. In his head, Shane’s plans slowly morphed. He didn’t need to wrap Malcolm’s present, he didn’t need to shower, he didn’t even need to change. Eventually, the anniversary dinner came and went, and Shane was still at the feet of the straight man.

“Well, now that you’ve made your choice I gotta keep my promise, right, sissy boy? But to be my bro, you gotta become a real man, don’t you, Shotgun?”

“My name is…”

“Shut up, sissy boy. You’ll be able to talk when you’re a man and have a place to sit by my side, not at my feet!”

Imbued by Martin’s potent scent and words of dominance, Shane fell silent.

“I don’t give a damn what you were known for, Shotgun,” Martin retorted, making the smaller man shiver at the sound of that nickname. “I don’t care about your art degree or the lame job you do or the degenerate things you do with your fag boyfriend. And that doesn’t matter to you either, Shotgun, because it’s not real, but what I’m gonna tell you now is that it is real, and your jelly brain is gonna do its best to make it happen.” The man concluded, lifting both arms and releasing the most powerful wave of musk yet, taking Shane... or Shotgun?... what kind of name is that? That didn’t matter, only the wave of nauseating smell that invaded him.

“Take it like a man, Shotgun,” Martin ordered, and he obeyed. “What you’re gonna do is very simple, I want you to think about all the jocks who humiliated you in school, the fraternity brothers who often give each other nicknames just like yours, Shotgun, which you certainly mocked but deep down envied. I want you to think about all the real men you and your faggot friends called toxic behind their backs without having the guts to face them. I want you to picture yourself as one of them, with all the stereotypes of white cis straight men, yada yada yada bullshit that your liberal faggot mind has stored. I want you to take all their traits and slap them on yourself. Habits, behavior, conduct, appearance, desires, thoughts, everything! Yeah, everything you think about guys like me applied to you. When you’re done, Shotgun, then we’ll talk man to man, and only then I’ll wanna know more about my new bro. A bro who scored this awesome apartment for a fellow frat brother moving across the country as soon as he heard someone just like him was moving here, just for the spirit of brotherhood that exists between real men that your old self would never have been able to grasp! Do it now!

The wave of nausea hit its peak; Shane felt the vomit rising in his throat but held it back, swallowing it down again, while another sensation took over his head, a feeling of being invaded and violated, his mind dominated by a relentless buzz, his vision flooded with a myriad of colors, while his whole body itched as if a million ants were crawling over him. The whole situation was overwhelming. And it got worse when his memories and recollections started to twist and reform, everything he was being tangled up in a whirlwind of misinformation. He found himself facing several traumatic situations from his life, but in reverse roles; the bullying he suffered turning into the bullying he practiced, the sports activities observed from afar being felt and lived, the toxic behavior going from being judged to being experienced and appreciated. And with that, new memories surfacing, time in the gym sculpting his body to perfection, nights of sex with various women whose names he didn’t even remember, his work at the art gallery replaced by a finance job earned not through talent but through connections made via his fraternity brothers. At last the image of Malcolm, the great love of his life, being erased. In an internal scream of despair, he tried to cling to that safe harbor, but that ship had already sailed to new waters, taking with it his humility, knowledge, empathy, and kindness. Leaving only inflated self-confidence, privilege, and respect only for those he considers equal or superior.

As the night wore on and Shane’s inner turmoil reached its peak, his exterior was undergoing its own transformation. His muscles were going into overdrive. They just kept contracting and expanding. Over and over. Lost in jumbled thoughts, he couldn’t feel his bones stretching longer. But each one was stretching out to its new length, growing denser to support his new weight. His average build quickly disappeared as muscle packed onto his recent lean frame. Little by little, he felt constricted by Martin’s clothing. The shirt pulled at his chest and shoulders while the shorts barely contained his thick, muscular ass, with his thighs growing like tree trunks, stretching the fabric to its limit. His shoulders broadened, turning into large round orbs jutting from his sides. Two mighty pecs pushed a bit in front of him while a firm set of abs grew more defined right underneath. His biceps bulged out of his arms while his forearms widened to support the new strength building within him. Amid the chaos of conflicting memories, his average-sized dick, the butt of Martin’s jokes, quickly grew to new heights. What had been his maximum hard was now his flaccid member. His calves grew to the size of most men thighs. Meanwhile, his feet grew well beyond the previous size 8, increasing to the point of competing with Martin’s stinky paws, which had to be at least size 13. The changes also hit his face, which took on a more squared-off, rugged look, with his button nose growing and turning into an aquiline nose that could’ve easily been broken in a fight, which only reinforced the raw masculinity taking over from his previous cuteness.

Finally, a smile formed on his chiseled face, oozing confidence and displaying his internal arrogance for all to see.

Seeing that smile appear, Martin knew his work was nearly done. And when that new Shane let out a fart and a burp, he knew it was all over. Feeling that new putrid smell mix with his own musk, he turned to the other man.

“Damn, Shotgun, you’re rank!”

“I didn’t get the name Shotgun Shane for nothing, man; it was for the shots I could take back in college, but I almost got called Stinkbomb for what I let out. Now, if you’re gonna complain about the smell, you better get those damn feet outta my face!” Shane shot back, his arrogant smile widening. This made Martin lift his feet off Shane’s face while cracking up.

“I knew we’d be best bros the moment we met, Shotgun,” he said, admiring the result of his handiwork.

“Me too, bro; way better having you as a neighbor than that faggot who lived here before.”

“If you compare me to some queer again, I’m gonna mess you up.”

“You can try!” Shane replied, flexing one of his powerful arms before continuing. “But you’re right, there’s no comparison, dude. To make it up to you, how about I take you to check out the hottest club in town? Celebrate the move by picking up some chicks?”

“Now you’re speaking my language, bro!”

….

Martin hated waiting on others, even though he himself had no problem showing up late. Apparently, Shane inherited that same trait during his transformation. The other man had gone home, took forever in the shower, and then posted some pretty provocative videos on his social media. The first one showed off his well-developed muscles while he seductively invited all the girls interested in him to meet him and his best bro at a city club.

In the second video, he just slid the camera down, revealing the huge package he had stuck in his underwear. All of this under the suggestive caption, “You really gonna miss this?”

Martin was super stoked with the results of his actions. Moving to a new city was tricky, but having a bro made it a whole lot easier, no matter that bro had been crafted by him. Still, he wondered if he hadn’t put too much of himself into the other man while he waited for him with a frown and his arms crossed. After a reasonable amount of waiting, he saw the gigantic figure strutting toward him down the first-floor corridor and was sure he had indeed put too much of himself into the other man, which could lead to some friction in the future when they had to sort out their power dynamics, but at that moment, that didn’t matter; he just wanted to have a good time, and there wouldn’t be better company than someone who was practically him in another body.

That became even clearer when Shane stopped in front of his irritated face and flexed his muscles playfully.

“What’s with the ugly mug, dude? You wanna throw down?”

“The ugly mug is because you took your sweet time, Shotgun! And you can joke all you want, but you can’t compete with this,” he replied, flexing one of his powerful arms. “Now let’s go after some hot chicks, or what?”

….

Malcolm didn’t quite know why he was in that dump of bigotry and toxicity. He just felt like something was missing and couldn’t quite put his finger on what. His trip to the place was the result of an Instagram video where one of the typical patrons invited all the interested bitches to come on down. Malcolm didn’t consider himself a bitch and usually would’ve laughed if someone said he might be into a dude like that, yet here he was. Knowing he had no chance of getting close to that man radiating toxicity. But only when he saw that self-proclaimed Shotgun Shane chatting up a hot young woman did something stir within him, a memory of a passionate kiss shared just that morning.

“S-Shane…?” he murmured, though he didn’t know exactly who this man was, he felt something deeply wrong was going on. While he stood there, dumbfounded, the man made his move and kissed the woman, which made him decide to leave the place as he was hit by another wave of strangeness and sadness mixed together.

However, he wasn’t the only one watching the scene; on the other side of the club, Martin saw his supposed wingman score before he did.

“Damn, I really put too much of myself in that dude,” he muttered as he weaved through the crowd. That’s when he saw Malcolm hurrying along with a look of confusion.

Well, if his wingman bailed on him, he could just make another one, right? It’s not like there was a shortage of material to work with, as that other faggot’s presence left abundantly clear. He just needed to be a bit more careful not to overdo it again, although he didn’t really have that refined of a control over the final result, and the most likely outcome would be ending up with another bro exactly like him. But he didn’t care that much; to him, there wouldn’t be better company than his own, and if someone asked him where and with whom he rather be, the answer would always be the same, he thought, smiling as he approached his future bro.

[vulpixisananimal]

Defender

(A house for Defenders. Or a castle. Or maybe just a place. Regardless that's where they were now. You were leading the charge, as usual. Followed by Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile, Bonnie, and Nille. It was like that old routine, just follow Siffrin. It was... comforting? You weren't really sure.)

(The Defenders, as Isabeau had once told you, had a house of their own. All about protecting the weak and looking over the city and those in it. It looked welcoming, people coming in and out, bringing in snacks, running around, chatting. If you had time, you'd ask what was making the place so busy.)

(Why do I need to be the one in charge here?)

(I'm pretty tired, plus, you did good at guiding them before.)

(But-)

(You're their guiding star~)

(You groan internally. That was horrible.)

(You step into the Defender place. It looked grand and busy. It was built like a public place. So many smiling faces around, it would have made you relaxed.)

(You glance at your party. They all looked so tense.)

"Isabeau?!?"

(The stranger went right up to Isabeau like they were old friends.) "Isa!! It's been, what, almost a year??"

(Isabeau hesitated.) "... Yeah!! Sorry I was just surprised to uh, see you!"

"Care to introduce us, Isabeau?" (Odile and the others were coming around to meet the new face.)

"Oh!! Right!! This is uh, Ramos! We hung out a lot before I left." (Isabeau mentioned each of you all in turn.) "Odile, Bonnie, Nille, Mirabelle and Siffrin! We're all traveling together!"

"Good to see you again Mirabelle!" (They waved, all chipper and smiling.) "I'm glad that I can see you again, not that I doubted you or 'beau."

"O-oh! Uh, thank you!!" (Mirabelle replied. Maybe telling them all that something bad happened here wasn't a good idea.)

"Are you guys just coming to visit? Or ya need a hand?"

"Someone grabbed Bonnie in broad daylight at the market yesterday. (Odile said, voice steady. At least she could keep a straight face here.)

"What!?!" (Ramos scowled at that.) "In the middle of the busiest place in town! Dunno if that's gutsy or stupid."

"I'd say lucky, if I caught em I'd knock their teeth out!" (Nille continued.) "If it wasn't for Mirabelle I woulda lost em."

"Oh Change." (Ramos shook their head.) "Well tell ya what. There's a few people who can help with that, I'll lead you there! Plus I gotta catch up with my buddy."

(Joke time.)

"Oh, do you keep flowers?"

(Ramos turns to you.) "Flowers?"

"'Cause you have a budding friendship."

(There were a mix of groans and laughs from your family and Ramos. Who moved towards you and was about to put an arm around you.)

(But stopped.)

(. . ?)

"Hey let's get going! The sun isn't waiting for us after all." (Said ramos, turning to lead you all.)

(Ramos and Isabeau were leading the group, chatting and catching up. You were keeping step with them, glancing around the halls and rooms they passed. It all seemed so... Normal.)

(You glance back, Mirabelle was biting her nails (stopping as you give her a look) Odile looked calm and analytical as always, Nille and Bonnie were chatting. Bonnie sniffed the air.)

"Do you keep plants here?"

"Huh? This isn't another joke, is it?" (Ramos replied.)

"Wait! Wasn't there that guy who was keeping roses? It could be that! What was his name..." (Isabeau pondered.)

(... Wait.)

"What's it smell like?" (You ask)

"Huh?" (Bonnie glanced up at you.) "Oh, mint. A neighbor used to have it all over their garden, I'd smell it all the time."

"Oh no!" (Mira exclaimed.) "Mint is so hard to remove, a friend of mine at the House tried using Craft to get rid of it but that didn't even work!"

"Those poor roses..." (Ramos mused.) "He has been stressed lately, maybe that's why."

"Oh!! Maybe I could try, helping with that then?"

"Sure!" (Ramos walked over to Mirabelle and put a hand on her shoulder, and pointed down a hall.) "Should be down there, not hard to miss."

"I'm coming too!!!" (Bonnie ran after Mirabelle, Nille following right behind yelling at them to slow down.)

(Your hand twitches, about to protest but... They were already off, Isabeau catches your look, and smiles at you as if to say "they'll be okay." You hope so.)

"Not far now." (Ramos continued.) "Sorry this place can be a maze."

"I'm used to mazes." (You reply. Odile snorts at that.)

"Has Jouvente had a history of kidnappers?" (Odile asks.)

"Nope! It's supposed to be real safe here." (Another turn.) "Dunno why someone would try to grab a kid."

"Hmm." (You knew that look. If Odile had THAT look then something was up.)

(Another turn.)

"Oh don't worry M'dame, Ramos has always been able to help!" (Isabeau looked back and smiled at you.) "They helped me a lot with my defenders exams! It was a real struggle."

(... What?)

(Another turn.)

"Are the Defender exams particularly tough?" (Odile asked, ever curious.)

"Oh yeah!! But thanks to Ramos I didn't break a sweat-"

(You stop walking.)

(How many loops had you and Siffrin talked to him? How many lines of his has you memorized. You probably knew his history better than he did.)

(Then why was he getting it wrong?)

"You never mentioned Ramos before, Isabeau."

(He tilted his head.) "I haven't?"

(No. You haven't. Over hundreds of loops, of hundreds of variations. You never once heard that name. But you knew Isabeau asked a favor tree to ace his exams. You knew he studied. You knew he found it easy and didn't need help.)

(What's that smell?)

"You have not, no." (Odile adds.) "And I must ask, if Jouvente is safe, how'd you get that bandage, Ramos?"

(You look at the Defender. You knew their look too.)

(Fear. Fear about a flubbed line. Fear about a slipping mask.)

"Siffrin! M'dame! Please there's no need for any of that-"

(Odile pushes past Isabeau and grabs Ramos' arm.) "What's going on? I don't want to hurt you, Ramos, but someone tried hurting Bonnie."

(What. That. SMELL.)

"M-miss Odile please! I just want to figure this out and, and I want to help!"

(She looks at him for a moment, then stumbles back.)

(Ramos continued.) "If you'd just, just help me out here I'm sure we can-"

"Siffrin?" (Odile glances at you. Her face, it's, she looks panicked. Confused.)

(You look between her, Isabeau, and Ramos. What was going on? What was that smell? What weren't they telling you? Odile put a hand to her head. Isabeau took a step to her to help.)

(You could see Ramos trying to get back into character.)

(. . . Time to play your own role then. You draw your dagger.)

"!!!!!"

(You take a step towards Ramos and speak.) "Tell me the truth."

"I, I-I am I promise I am! I don't know why I'd ever lie to you!"

(Step.) "Liar liar pants a'fire~"

"Siffrin they're, I don't think they're a threat." (Odile mumbled.)

"They're my friend Sif!! Leave them alone!!!" (Isabeau added.)

(Step.)

"I don't want to fight you, but, but I will! I will defend myself!!"

(Step.) "I don't want to hurt you either, Ramos~" (You twirl your knife.) "But I don't know if I can hold myself back~"

(Loop, you're scary.)

"Siffrin?!?!" (Isabeau stood up and stepped towards you.) "What's gotten into you?!?"

(Running out of time.)

(You breathe in, and out. Dash towards Ramos and swipe at their kerchief.)

(. . . You were right.)

"Siffrin! That's enough!" (Isabeau got between you and Ramos, but the star pendant was there for all to see. Why was Isabeau being so strange! Couldn't he see that's who grabbed Bonnie?!?)

"That's enough?!? 'Beau please, you can see they're wearing that blinding pendant!" (You were loosing patience.)

"That's just fashion! How do you know it's connected to anything!"

"It's not just fashion!" (You were yelling.) "It's a star! And it-"

"Stop making excuses!! You're just being selfish!"

(. . . Selfish?)

"You've been nothing but rude to me and my friends! You always have been!"

(What. No that, that's not-)

(Something's wrong, this isn't right!)

"I should never have trusted you."

(You feel a tug-)

(. . .)

(He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it. he didn't mean it he didn't mean it he didn't mean it he didn't mean it he didn't mean it.)

(He. Didn't. Mean. It.)

(. . . He didn't. . .)

(. . . Please. . .)

[retroellie]

Dating Daryl Dixon in eras

Summary: What it would be like to date Daryl in different eras of the show

A/N: I don't really talk about my personal life on here because yall are here to get horny not sad, but I've been going through it. My girlfriend broke up with me, so I've been needing some Daryl Dixon in my life rn. This is just a bunch of ideas put together because I'm sad lol, but enjoy :)

Warnings: Normal TWD things and NSFW mentions

Word count: 4.2K

Short hair era/ Farm

-this was not his best era, he was a complete dick head to not only you but everyone else

-I wouldn’t even say that y’all were dating around this time because Daryl didn’t see you as his girlfriend, he looked at you more like a fuck buddy

-he refused to call you his girlfriend and he scolded you when you would call him your boyfriend, but y’all were weirdly together-ish?!?

-he was so up his brothers ass that he didn’t have time to have a girlfriend plus he always said he only fucked girls not dated them, “relationships are for pussies” he would tell you

-you did enjoy the sex but somewhere around that time you started to actually fall in love with Daryl Dixon

-You hated when Merle and Daryl were together and it was pretty much always

-Merle degraded you in so many ways and Daryl would turn the other cheek, it broke your heart every time.

-Daryl was a dick to you, yes, but he would never even think about going to Merle’s level. He never made you feel bad about yourself or made you uncomfortable, he was always somewhat respectful.

-He would even tell you that you were pretty sometimes… in his own way

-“god this shirt looks terrible on me…”

-“Shut up… your tits look nice in it”

-when you all assumed merle was dead that’s when Daryl got a bit nicer to you

-He started staying the night with you instead of fucking the shit out of you than leaving you all sweaty and sticky

-he would never cuddle you though, like ever. If you wanted to maybe wrap yourself around him, he’d let it but he wouldn’t be giving the same energy back

-He was bearable without Merle, you liked it actually

-When you guys got into the CDC building, Daryl was all over you… I mean literally

-He was always touching you in some way, holding onto your arm tightly or putting his hand on your thigh

-You knew it was because he was happy, for the first time in a couple of weeks he felt somewhat safe

-you guys definitely fucked in the shower… many times

-“Fuck… one thing I missed about the old world is hot water… and being able to fuck you anytime I wanted..” he moaned while literally rearranging your guts

-After the CDC Daryl started to appreciate you a little more, you all could’ve died… it opened Daryl’s eyes

-he realized that you were too good for him, like way too good yet you still chose him even after him being a dick to you

-Daryl would pick you flowers and lay them at your pillow at night, he was too scared to give them to you straight up but you always knew they were from him

-You realized you were in love with Daryl when you found yourself by his side after Andrea had shot him, he was all cut up and his head wrapped

-You saw how he did that all for a little girl, maybe he did have a mental breakdown but he still did it for her

-That’s when you knew you had fallen in love with him and hell maybe he was falling in love too

-You would read to him, he rolled his eyes and pouted when you did but he secretly loved it

-Daryl found himself in the woods by himself because of you… he wanted to be a better man for you, he wanted to find himself so maybe than he could be the man you deserved

Prison era

- I love this era so much because I know this man was a little horn dog towards you

- I mean he was quite literally inside of you at all times, sex was at its peak in this era

-He’s had so many near death experiences at this time that he learned to appreciate a woman’s body when he had it

- your cell neighbors hated you because no matter how quiet you tried to be, they always heard your muffled moans at night

- Daryl would be so protective of you too, when you went on runs (which were very rare since he wanted you to stay in the safety of the prison) he would have you stay behind him at all times

- “Daryl! It’s just two walkers!! I can handle it” you whisper screamed

-“Yea, two walkers that could rip out ya’ throat in a heartbeat! I said stay put!!”

-“Your no fun..” you said rolling your eyes

-He knew you could fend for yourself, you were tough but he couldn’t risk it. He would never admit it but you were his reason for breathing

-He never quite had a home, he lived in places but it was never a home to him. So finding you, someone who made him feel at home anywhere… he cherished that

-When the prison was in the first stages of development, Daryl noticed you only had one flimsy blanket you would cuddle up with at night… and the nights got cold.

-Daryl hunted for hours for a nice fluffy blanket for you, it took him hours to find one but he found the perfect one. When he got to the prison that night, walking into your shared cell, he saw your shivering underneath the thin blanket.

- He softly wrapped you up in the blanket, making sure every part of your body was covered with the soft material… you woke up that morning confused about the blanket but you knew who it was from

-you gave him head after that :)

-Whenever Daryl brought you gifts, you would savor them… even if it was a lingerie set, it wasn’t exactly flowers but it was something.

-Daryl wasn’t just protective… bitch he was also possessive

-You were his… nobody else could touch you or talk to you or even think about you. Especially men.

-it’s not that he didn’t trust you, he trusted you with his entire life but he didn’t trust other men

-He was a guy so he knew how they thought, he knew what a man can do to a girl like you and the thought of it made him angry

-Every guy in the prison knew you were off limits… like completely.

-When they tried to talk to you, literally just a normal conversation, Daryl would make it known that he would break their jaw if they made a move on you

-You didn’t mind though, you thought it was sweet and you felt protected plus the jealous sex was always a plus :)

-When the flu hit, you got sick…

-Daryl was terrified, he watched as you would cough your little heart out and you looked so sickly…

-He hated himself for allowing this to happen, he should’ve protected you even though he had no control of the virus

-“I’m sorry…” he said, watching your chest heave up and down weakly

-“Dar… honey, it’s not your fault…” you said weakly

-when Hershel found a way to stop the flu from spreading and help the sick, Daryl made him give it to you first… he couldn’t risk losing you without a fight

-It worked obviously and that was the day Daryl Dixon could see his entire life with you, he could see him walking up to you everyday… even when your all old and weak

-Daryl held you a little tighter at night now, kissed you more often and became softer with you when he fucked you

- he was starting to actually fall in love with someone, something he never knew he had the capacity to do

-Until the governor came along splitting everyone up including you and Daryl

-You found yourself alone and Daryl was stuck with Beth…

-Daryl assumed the worst, he knew you were too good for him and something was obviously going to take that away from him so he just figured it would be easier to mourn you

-Beth knew Daryl was depressed, she knew how much you meant to him and now you were gone…

- Daryl tried to act like it didn’t matter to him, he tried to make it seem like you were just another girl he had met along the way but Beth wasn’t stupid… she knew

-She tried to get him drunk, sing to him, make him forget that you were gone just for a minute… just so he could heal

-It never worked and as the days passed, Daryl gave up on trying to be sad and instead went numb

-You weren’t doing any better, you were all alone which made it so much worse.

-You cried yourself to sleep for days, holding on to the only thing you had left of Daryl… a black shirt that he mostly wore to sleep

-You we’re almost about to give up until there was a sign of the group still… that fueled you to go on, only caring to see if Daryl saw the same signs

-When you saw him again… it was when he carried Beth out of the hospital and suddenly you felt his pain… you weren’t happy to see him suddenly, wishing you could go back to your loneliness just so you didn’t have to see him the way he was

-He never talked about Beth to you… ever. You don’t know what happened on their trip, you don’t know if he even Thought of you but you knew right now he was hurting… hurting so bad that not even you could break his sadness

- Even if he was wallowing in his own pity, he still needed you. At night he would hold you close to him, he would hold your hand secretly while walking down the roads, he would always cover you up with his jacket at night

-His brother and Beth’s death changed him… Maybe for the better or maybe for the worst, which ever it was he learned to appreciate the little things now

Alexandria

-Daryl kinda retracted in this era I think, he had experienced so much loss that he became numb. He went back to his “being Merle’s little brother” mindset and he became a bit of a loner

- he also felt like such an outcast in Alexandria so he didn’t want to be there

-You made him feel better though, you would always try to include him in things

-you made it clear to him that you would much rather spend all your time with him than anyone else

-“don’t let me stop you from having fun… go to the party.”

-“no! I’m not going if you aren’t… besides, we’ll get the whole house to ourselves” you smirked

-His sex drive never slowed either which was nice but also wasn’t

-you had to share a house with your entire group to privacy was a luxury in such a small home

-The only way you were able to get Daryl into the shower was telling him that the shower was the only privacy YALL will be getting any time soon

-Let’s just say showers became yalls favorite thing

-Daryl warmed up to everything after a while, he actually kind of liked Alexandria especially after you guys were assigned a small little house for yourselves

- Again this era of Daryl was possessive as hell, like he made sure everyone knew you were his from day one

-You would always have hickeys on your neck or complain of your body hurting after a night with Daryl

-Daryl became a lot less touchy with you around this time though which was weird because he loved to touch you

-The only touch you received from him was through sex and maybe sometimes he would cuddle up with you at night, but mostly so he could press his dick on your ass go hint that he wanted you

-Daryl’s gifts also slowed too, it was rare to receive a gift from him around these times.

-You could tell Daryl was just trying to heal and cope so you didn’t mind much, you even spent those times focusing on yourself.

-You never let Daryl forget how much he meant to you though and honestly sometimes he needed that.

-Obviously Daryl wasn’t completely cold to you like he would be in the early seasons

-He made time to spend with you, he would always let you know he was thinking of you in some kind of way.

Post-negan Alexandria

-This was a extremely hard time for Daryl, after being captured and blaming himself for Glenn’s death… he was completely numb even after he had put himself back together again

-This point in time he was extremely needy though, like he needed you all the time because he was genuinely scared and he didn’t know what he was doing

-He couldn’t sleep without you there with him, if you weren’t there he would be overthinking and it would be almost impossible to fall asleep

- When he was held captive, tortured in so many devilish ways… Dwight used you as a threat

-He explained everything that he had in store for you, telling him that you were next on negans “girls to marry” list and Daryl was the only one who could stop it

-It was all lies though but Daryl believed them, almost giving in if it meant to keep you safe

-“I’m telling you Daryl… that sweet girl of yours isn’t going to be yours forever, especially if you don’t make this choice.”

-“you stay away from her… Lay a finger on her and I’ll kill you”

-When he got back, he was far more protective of you than he was before

-Daryl liked when you rubbed his back at night, dragging your fingers softly over the old and new scars on his back

-He would lay his head on you, cuddling up at your side while you laid on your back. He would look up at you, seeing you drift to sleep while rubbing his back

-Daryl always left a note for you that told you if he was leaving, it doesn’t matter how long he would be gone, he would always leave one

-He knew that him being taken scared you to death, carol told him that you were extremely depressed and wouldn’t get out of bed most of the time

-so he leaves a note just to tell you where he’s going, just so the memories of him being gone won’t fill your little head

- Daryl always says “I love you” to you as well, it’s such a common phrase to yall know because he wants you to know how much he cares about you

-This is the era when Daryl is at his bottom peak bitch… lemme tell you

-He is so broken down and afraid that he will let you take whatever you need from him plus give him what he wants

-He’s such a bottom, like a whiny bottom too

-He will beg for you to let him cum inside you or literally have tears streaming down his face while you go as slow as you possibly can while take his cock inside you

-“please… y/n please go faster…”

-“Don’t be an impatient baby… you can wait!”

-He will literally moan and whine so much, such a little baby and you’d tease him for it too

- It took him months to come back into himself, you felt like he was a shell of who he once was but Daryl always came back to you… always

-You made sure to always reassure him that you loved him and you weren’t going to leave him

-He suffered from nightmares, bad ones too and some nights they would wake up. The sad thing is, Daryl apologized for waking you up and that broke your heart

-You hated when you felt like he had to apologize to you all the time, he would say he’s sorry to you like a mantra

Whisperers Era

-This was like Ricks “death” era so this means mf was so fucking sad, like he could not forgive himself

-The months following ricks “death” though he was always gone

-It started with small trips out in the woods but it slowly turned into full weeks of you being without him

-You waited for him for the first few weeks, staying up until he came home so you could clean him up

- but then you just gave up with it and went to bed without a second thought

-You however did always make a second plate for him and left the living room light on just in case

-you would go out and find him sometimes when you had a feeling something had happened, he was always in a different spot but always by the river

-You would bring him food and clean clothes, he was always happy to see you of course but he always seemed so sad

-“Are you coming home?”

-“Nah… not yet honey.”

-He only came back when he found out about the whisperers, mainly so he could keep you safe

- As soon as he did come back though, Judith and RJ were giving to him… that only added onto his anxiety

-You saw Daryl get lost along the way, he was stressed… full of rage and hatred for this stupid group that he knew nothing about

-When y’all took in Lydia, you could see the pain Daryl felt for her… and that’s when he opened up to you about his childhood

-It was when you were finally able to cuddle up with each other and get some sleep, Daryl was cuddled up into your side as you brushed your hands through his hair

-You don’t know what triggered it but he just bursted into tears, he tried to muffle his cries in your chest

-You went silent, not exactly knowing what to do but you made sure Daryl knew you were listening… even if he didn’t want to talk

-He told you all the horrors that he went through in his childhood, how his father beat him so many times and his moms death… he even told you about the river he used to go to when he wanted to get away from everything

-You listened silently, tears falling down your cheeks as you held him so unbelievably close to you

-“I just look at that girl… I see me, I see the same damn scared look on her face” he whimpered out

-That night brought you two together, it patched up the rocky relationship that had arose due to his absence

- The whisperer had taken so many people from y’all, causing more hatred and anger to arise from Daryl but he tried to keep his cool but you knew

-You were with the small group that went out to find the herd but instead got stuck in a cave that alpha set up for you

-Daryl’s main priority was you, always and forever but especially right now

-He made sure you got through the herd first, he made sure you were able to get through the small areas of the cave first, he cuddled up next to you to make sure you were warm, he made sure you got out first

- you both were exhausted after everything the whisperers out you through but than they unleashed the herd

-You all knew it was coming but this sparked a deep fear from within you that you had from the very beginning

-“Daryl… What if this is our last fight?  I mean what if we lose?” You asked as Daryl sharpened his blade

-“We’ve always worked it out in the end hun, don’t start talking like that now.”

-That day you made sure Daryl remembered how much you loved him, you made sure you bore it into his skin

-You both made love like it was your last time doing so, filled with soft kisses and moans that you didn’t even try to hide

- Than you fought together, fighting off the herd along with the whisperers that hid between them… you made sure it wasn’t your last fight together

- when you all thought it was over, beta decided to take revenge and trap y’all in the hospital

-You went through the herd with Daryl, holding his hand like it was your reasoning for life and Daryl made sure you were safe

-After everything was said and done, life never went back to normal but all you needed was Daryl and you were happy with that

Commonwealth

-Okay this is probably my favorite Daryl era :)

-He turns into a little house husband and it’s so cute

-Y’all live in a shitty little apartment with Judith and RJ, which they have basically become yalls children

-He’ll get the kids ready while you are still fast asleep because work took it out of you

-He’ll get up extra early just to make you some breakfast even though I just know this mf is terrible at cooking REAL food

-He’ll let you take a shower after work while he does the house chores but most of the time he joins you in the shower

-Okay obviously y’all will have sex in the shower like it goes without saying butttt, after or even before he’ll just help you clean yourself up

-He’ll help lather your hair up and scratch your scalp with his finger nails, it feels so good and you’ll just go limp in his arms for a bit

-Daryl hates his job lowkey, like he’ll do it but having to go through all the training and then having to take orders?!? Daryl is a loner and he feels he is his own boss so having to follow rules is hard for him

-You make sure to make his job a little easier by packing his lunch, you’ll put candy and sweet in there for him as well as real food.. the cute part is that you always write a cute little letter for him

-“Have a good day at work my love <3 just make sure you come back to me in one piece!!”

-He’ll just smile down at it, not even attempting to hide his smile

-Everyone else will make fun of him, laughing at his silly little blush as he reads your note for him

-“Hey Dixon! Don’t get all soft on us now!”

-“Hey, you mind asking your girl to make me one too? Shit may be blowy as well!”

-“You really are head over heels for that stupid girl ain’t ya? She’s not all that.”

-Daryl doesn’t care, he spent so long trying to hide you or make your love secret that now he doesn’t even try

-Speaking if you work, you have a cute little job!

-Daryl always visits you when he gets days off and just wants to see you, he thinks you look so cute in your uniform

-You’ll light up when you see him, bring him into a big hug and than tell him how your so happy to see him even if you saw him that morning

-He’ll bring you lunch with him as well, sometimes he’ll bring Judith and RJ just so they can see where you work

-Y’all are such a cute little family and it gets me so fucking soft

- Daryl just becomes a bit softie for you omfg

-The sex gets softer too but Daryl still has his hard times with you, if you want it hard and rough that night… you don’t have to tell him twice

-Okay but when you are at work and he visits you on your lunch break, he would definitely drag you into the nearest bathroom or have you go to the back of the store just so he can take you right then and there

-You would both go to the little parties they have at the commonwealth together :) like Daryl doesn’t dance at all and he’ll probably just stand there all tough but he’d still like seeing you all dolled up

-I keep getting this image in my head of the commonwealth being the first time Daryl had ever seen you drunk, idk why but it’s stuck in my head

-You’ll be all loopy, trying to grope in through his jeans and kissing all over him

-Daryl loved how touchy you were but you were drunk and he doesn’t do that

-“Come onnn daryll…” you dragged out as you attempted to kiss his lips

-“Doll… I swear to you that I want to take you right here right now, I would give anything… but ya’ ain’t sober and I want you when you’re sober.” 

-You eventually vomited everywhere and than fell asleep but Daryl thought you were cute when your were drunk

-When Daryl got the record player?!? You literally bought all types of records

-Daryl would get out of the shower, towel wrapped around him to see you in the kitchen cooking up dinner in only his shirt and underwear, dancing around like a maniac

-He also likes fucking you to music now

-When you guys had to move out of the commonwealth you were pretty upset

-You hated what the people there were doing but you couldn’t help but love it there, you got a glimpse back to the old work

-As you were packing up, Daryl noticed how sad your were so he came up behind you and kissed your neck softly

-“I’m sorry you have to leave your home again..”

- “You’re my home… I don’t care where we go as long as we’re together.”

[everydayyoulovemeless]

Fo4 Companions (+Sturges, DiMA, and Travis) Living At Homeplate With Sole

➼ Word Count » 1.3k ➼ Warnings » Spoilers in DiMA’s section and slight spoilers (?) in Mac's

MacCready makes the roof trailer thing on the top of the house look all nice, decorating it with posters and lights and such. He likes to sit up there and just watch people go about in the market. It calms him down a lot. He wants to bring Duncan to come live with you and Shaun. He's pretty easy to live with, aside from him getting into a few altercations with the people from the upper stands.

Nick likes living with you because it allows Ellie to have her own place. The biggest problem is having Myrna as your neighbor. She's gonna constantly complain to security about Nick living right next to her. But besides that, Nick is great to live with. He'll get himself a chair and put it in one of the corners, like one of those designated 'dad' chairs. Lots of stories from his cases too that he'll be glad to tell you and he likes to keep the place neat.

Cait is honestly just happy to have someone who actually wants to live with her. It means so much to her so she'll try to be the best roommate she can. You need groceries? She's got it. Had a long day and want to get a drink? She'd gladly be your drinking buddy. Someone's giving you trouble? Let her get her bat. It's a huge sentiment in itself that you trust her as much as she trusts you and she'd never take it for granted.

Danse feels awkward. You'll have to force him out of his comfort zone a bit, and he's horrible at decorating but other than that he's great to have around. Having such a large guy is great for home security and he's willing to go with you wherever you want so you'll hardly find yourself alone. Danse doesn't think that the other citizens like him too much, and he's right, but you still try to help him to be more approachable.

Preston is always out doing something. It's rare for the two of you to be at Homeplate at the same time due to how busy the two of you can get. When he is home he tends to the different plants he managed to start growing on the roof and inside. It makes the place look very lively and a lot less wasteland-like.

Cleanest house in all the commonwealth?? Codsworth will make it his life's mission to have the best holiday decorations on the block, even if no one else understands what it is. It'll almost feel like a pre-war house with how sanitized he makes it. Whenever you leave to do a quest he'll cook something up for when you come back. He's kinda like a housewife in that sense. Since he doesn't sleep he'll hang out with Percy during the night and then come back and help you out in the morning.

If Piper’s coming, Nat's coming. It'll allow her to turn her old home into more of a workplace than it is now. You'll get the newspaper for free too. Piper probably won't do too much around the house besides keeping it somewhat organized, however, she likes taking you and Nat up to the roof to look at the stars, or watch the sunrise or anything like that. It makes her feel at peace and she just thinks it's a great time overall.

Curie doesn't really need sleep, so at night, if she's bored, she'll just start to organize and clean everything. She was so excited when you told her she could live with you. She takes notes on everything she sees in the marketplace and about the people she meets. Over time she'll end up being great friends with those scientist ladies and even Dr. Sun.

You're gonna also have a big problem with Myrna since Strong is constantly threatening Percy. Security isn't gonna like your new roommate either so be ready for a whole lot of complaints from everybody. On the plus side, Strong makes it so no one wants to go anywhere near your house, so no one trying to break in :)

If Hancock stayed, it'd most likely be temporary, he much prefers Goodneighbor. Although he loves harassing the rich people up in the stands and especially McDonough. Hancock would be all over Diamond City if he started staying at Homeplate. You'd find him in the bars, making friends with the poor people near the wall, or arguing with the guards. At the end of the day he's going back to his town, he really can't stand Diamond City for much longer than a few days.

Deacon feels really weird about it. He's never stayed anywhere for more than a couple of weeks at most. Even the Railroad HQ switches every now and then. Most people are going to love him due to how charismatic he is. In fact, most people will think you just invite a different friend over every week due to all of his disguises and persona's he'll still play. He’s going to have a ridiculous amount of clothes because of that and he'd gladly let you borrow them if you ever needed. This is a huge step for him and he really wants it to work out, although, try not to worry if you notice he’s disappeared.

X6-88 hates it. He doesn't understand why you don't just live in the Institute. He thinks that Diamond City is dirty and contaminated and is constantly looming over you, threatening anyone who gets too close. The only good thing about living at Homeplate would be that it's easier to gather information and spy for the Institute.

As long as Dogmeat gets a bed and a bowl then he's happy. He likes to wander around the city a lot. You'll catch him just sniffing around the alleys, usually looking for Nick or delivering papers for Piper. He loves living in Diamond City and loves that he gets to be around so many friendly people!

Old Longfellow refused when you offered. He much prefers his cabin in Far Harbor and wouldn't ever live somewhere as busy as Diamond City.

Gage will go wherever you do. You're the boss, and if this is where you're gonna stay then he'll be right behind you. The two of you are most likely going to be thrown in prison tho since Gage has a habit of shooting anyone who bad-mouths you. Homeplate's going to be a pig sty as well, bro can’t clean to save his life.

In all honesty, Sturges would be a great roommate, he'd set up the power for the both of you and try to make Homeplate feel a little homier. He'd be making bank too, the citizens would be paying him to help set something up or to fix something that broke. He’d be the new handyman while you went out and did quests.

DiMA thought it'd be good to go down to the Commonwealth again to do more research. He'd definitely struggle to fit in and would most likely try to find a way to assassinate Mayor McDonough to create peace like how he did with the Children of Atom and Far Harbor. He's happy to be able to live close to his brother but it's probably best to leave him in Acadia.

Travis is pretty happy to finally get out of his small one-room trailer and into Home Plate. He likes being able to walk over to the radio shack, it makes the gig start to feel like a real job. The best thing about living with Travis is that he's VERY organized. Nothing will ever be out of place. Living in his old place has taught him how to keep things clean and put away, so you'll find that Home Plate is seemingly never out of order. The only real downside, in his opinion, is the number of new neighbors he suddenly has, sometimes he doesn't want to leave the house in fear that they'll try and talk to him.

[redwinterroses]

Boatem, on any given day, was probably gonna be two things:

Obviously, the first was “chaotic.” That surprises no one, yeah? Raise your hand if you’re surprised that Boatem was chaotic. 

See? No hands. It's a thing that is known. You got your end crystals and tree wars and mountains going up over night and ravagers raining from the heavens… Boatem was the home-sweet-home of chaos. And it lived there very comfortably.

But the second trait that Boatem had, on every day that end in Y, wasn’t quite as obvious. 

It was "secretive."

Hah. Yeah, I see your quirked eyebrow of skepticism. Look buddy, I had a bird’s eye view of the whole thing and I can tell you this for sure: the only reason none of those morons got caught out in their big secrets was that they were all too busy being cartoonishly self-conscious to notice literally everyone else doing the same thing.

That thing being, specifically: pretending to be human.

Yeah. You heard me. Human. Pretending. As in: none of that lot are human in any way, shape, and only occasionally in form.

Take Mumbo for example. Dear old Mumbo Jumbo, my personal nemesis—and also the member of Boatem I got to see up close and personal the most.

Lucky me.

He somehow managed to hide it right under everyone else’s nose, which I can only chalk up to years of trusting friendship mixed with a hilarious lack of awareness. His shapeshifting abilities have never been more unstable than they were in Boatem—maybe it was the chaos bleeding through, or the way that world was a bit unstable even from the very beginning… Either way, he turned into a living potato right in front of all of them and they barely blinked. 

A potato.

Night after night I had to listen to him pacing around in his storage room, muttering to himself about how dangerous it was to be a shapeshifter living with a bunch of humans. How he was putting a lot at risk and what fibs he was going to tell to play it off as some sort of joke or prank. I started keeping a scratch tally of how many times he said “Oh dear. Oh dear."

I ran out of space about two weeks in.

But it’s not like any of his neighbors were going to notice anyway. “Living with a bunch of humans,” my big wishbone. 

Human. Hah. Right, like “human” Pearl—the alien who ducked her feathery antennae in her hair any time someone came around, who floated around her base like gravity was frickin' optional? Pearl, who nearly got caught with her antennae out every time someone ran past and jumped like a skittish rabbit enough to raise anyone’s suspicions… Except her clueless Boatem pals.

Or “human” Scar, who never even hides his vexy teeth when he grins, but somehow everyone acts like they don’t notice. Maybe he uses some sort of glamor on them—not like I’d know. Magic is ticklish territory for my type. All I know is that for someone who loudly proclaims to be human—a thing no human has ever actually had to do—he didn’t go to much effort to act like one. 

And then there’s that Impulse guy. I’m not sure what he is, but the one time he got close enough to peck he nearly roasted my tail feathers. Plus it seemed like all you had to do was say his name and he’d just… show up.

Downright creepy if you ask me. Not like no one ever does. Don't bother talkin' to the guy who has a view of everything for 18 chunks--no, just blame him for your dumb redstone door breaking.

Anyway. The one Mumbo seemed most desperate to hide his “secret” from was… that other one. I don’t even like to say his name, to be perfectly honest with you but I know you know who I’m talking about. The wing-appropriator. The merry prankster. The one who watches you with eyes so dark you never know where he’s looking. 

And people say I have beady black eyes.

I don’t even know why Mumbo bothered trying to hide it from Gr… from him. Or why he was trying to hide what he was from the rest of them. Or how they never noticed the extra pairs of wings that would sometimes flutter about, or how he always saw when people were trying to prank him—even if it looked like he was asleep. 

But I’ll admit it was hilarious watching them dance around each other like a couple of hens avoiding a creeper—except both of them were hens and they each thought the other was a creeper. 

Somehow—somehow—none of them ever noticed the others. Who needs camouflage when you've got friends this oblivious? Anyway, come on—we all know none of them would actually care if they revealed their precious secrets.

I kinda hope they never do, though. Five best friends, none of whom are human, all convinced that they're the only alien-vex-demon-shapeshifter-thing-nonhuman in the bunch?

That's a joke even this bird-brain can appreciate.

[kitnootkat]

See you later sk8er !

Episode 3. ; Maybe don't do that ! ... Previous || Show List || Next

In theory, this was a good idea. In reality though, this is one of the dumbest things you could be doing.

When your eyes caught the glimmer of your skateboard in the middle of studying, all you could do was stare wistfully at it thinking about what you could be doing instead of adding to your wrist pain while doing math problems. At this point, math was becoming it’s own problem too since all the numbers were beginning to blur into one big blob.You needed a break and you knew it. 

Akaashi’s recommendation was something you automatically agreed with. Sure he probably meant to lay down, do a bit of research on skate shops, something calming etcetera, but sneaking out just sounded so much more appealing. Fresh air would be perfect for you plus you could try and check out the skate shops to get your skates fixed. Hitting two birds with one stone.  

To sneak out though, there were only two problems you thought you needed to deal with. The first being the fact that you were trying to sneak out of a room on the second floor which you easily dealt with by putting a ladder below prior, and the second being taking off your window screen. It was a bit harder than you had expected since it was your first time trying to take it off, your last house already having the screen removed, but it was nothing MeTube couldn't have fixed. 

That was two obstacles dealt with, but now you were dealing with one you didn’t account for: for you to be hanging out of the window with your skateboard squeezed in one arm, the other arm’s hand gripping onto the bottom of your window, and you tippy-toeing to reach the closest step of the ladder you could. 

You honestly thought you were tall enough to reach the ladder perfectly fine. But it seemed like you might have done a few miscalculations. This realization comes to you while you stare down at the looming drop that could potentially await you but while doing so the voice of your neighbor startles you. 

“Hey neighbor, you might die if you do that!” Where was his voice coming from?

Turning your head ever so slightly you see Suna staring at you with wide eyes and hands gripping his own window. This might have been the most emotion in his face you've seen besides his god awful smirk and usual amusement.

since you both were neighbors, you've talked a handful of times, which was usually sarcastic banter, but sometimes the fact you were neighbors slipped your mind. How that works you don't know, but you really did forget you were neighbors at times. Especially window buddies from what Bokuto calls it.

You knew he was your window buddy, having glanced at him a few times during the past few weeks, even making eye contact and waving at each other, but you didn’t expect him to be awake and seeing you like this. How embarrassing you think to yourself. It would be rude not to reply though; taking a deep breath in you’re hoping your voice won’t be too shaky. 

“Shhh! Be quiet please, I don’t want to wake anyone up. Thanks for the oh-so-amazing insight though, duly noted.” To your dismay, your voice does end up being shaky but oh well. 

A loud sigh comes out of Suna’s mouth as he runs a hand through his hair, if you weren’t about to fall to your death you probably would think he’s attractive but currently you have a few bigger problems to tackle. Right before you plan to speak again though, you feel your grip start to loosen and you close your eyes awaiting your death.

“Yn, listen to what I’m saying, okay, drop your board into the bush, try your best.” Listening to him is probably the best course of action if you want to live, so you do so and drop your board hearing it fall into the leaves below. After letting out a shaky “I did it,” you hear your neighbor speak again. 

“Okay now open your eyes and use your free hand to grip the bricks in front of you,” He pauses for a moment while you attempt to follow his instructions then continues, “Now try to climb down, I’ll meet you at the bottom just don’t look down while descending.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took around five whole minutes to get down to the bottom of the ladder, Suna Rintarou waiting for you and attempting to console you the entire way down. There were multiple thoughts of you never doing this ever again but you did know that sneaking out is inevitable. Taking a moment to recuperate, you flop down on the grass that was once below you, the feeling of the earth against you was pleasant after being stuck in the sky.

“Thank fucking god I lived you are a lifesaver Suna-kun.” A sigh of relief was let out as you lay sprawled, opening your eyes to see the same boy you were thanking leaning over you while standing. 

“I know I’m a lifesaver, I almost watched you die. You know you could have traumatized me right?” Sarcastic bitch he was, but you couldn’t deny you were amused, the banter felt nice after almost falling. 

“My bad didn’t mean it was almost at one in the morning. Next time I'll do it during daylight” You snort while taking in the scent of grass.

“Yeah you go do that. Getting traumatized at one in the morning is really not it.” You can hear the snarky relief in his voice before you close your eyes and sigh again. After a moment, you stood up and grabbed your skateboard from the bushes you threw them in. Running your hands along it, you inspect the chunk of wood. Thank the gods it wasn't damaged, you didn’t know what you’d do if it ended up being broken. 

“Anyway if you’re fine now, let's go skating.” Immediately turning towards the boy, you blinked, staring at him a bit confused. 

“What?” There was a dumb, slight smile on his face, he was obviously amused by your reaction. 

“Well you almost died once, what if you almost die again, I needed to get out of my room anyways so I’ll go with you to make sure you don’t die. Or if you do, then your family hears about it. Don’t wanna die alone do ya?” 

Weighing the pros and cons in your head, even if you wanted to say no, which you oddly didn’t, you knew you couldn’t. For one he quite literally saved your life and two he definitely knew the area better than you and after one death scare knowing someone would be looking out for you would be good. Plus going by yourself would be lonely. So… why not? 

“Okay, sure then, where are we going?”

Notes !! : -> It took two weeks for this chapter im so sorry </33 -> it's also 3 am so im sorry if the writing portion is unedible -> I feel bad for yn bc she cant ice skate anymore, her roller skates are broken, and all she has is a skate board that she knows absolutely no tricks on -> yn used to regularly sneak out but their old house was one story which made it like a hundred times easier than what she has to deal with rn -> Suna wasn't too panicked until the twins were panicked bc he then realized he might ACTUALLY watch someone die -> me projecting onto yn because i almost died when i miscalculated my height and the top of a ladder a few years ago <3 -> Osamu fell asleep at the end but Atsumus stayed up bc he was invested in a kdrama and whatever is going on on Rin's side -> Yn and rin ended up getting back to their houses at like 4 in the morning and Rin held up the ladder to make sure she didn't fall or anything -> Akaashi has this weird sense late at night whenever he's reading to check the gc at random times bc someone might be awake he thought it was originally bokuto but realized he was probably sleeping. Bokuto is also at Kuroos for a sleepover rn bc he is !!

taglist : open ! ft. @lcvemiyuki @cannibalsrider @skazewrld @thvvluvr @snail-squasher @mfcherry @sereniteav @cocoforkuroopuffs @causenessus @yuminako @starsagainsthearts @yessimo

[autisticlalna]

following up on what i posted last night: how would Leontids have gotten along with the other members of Aquarium Gravel?

a general theme i picked up with aquagrav was the idea of everyone is Pretending to be a normal human person. the closest to that baseline is tJay, but he's got his own localized disaster going on. unmodified, tLeontids would fit into that pretty well-- his core "gimmick" is that despite looking close-to-human, the actual part of Leontids that is Leontids is the mask. the body is who he used to be, and it's who he's still trying to be, but at the end of the day he's a sapient mask that possesses people.

i adore tViking but tLeo would have such a bad time with him. he's easy to manipulate, he's used to being dehumanized, and once he realizes tViking views him as a tool he would be upset but wouldn't really know what to do about it. plus he'd probably already owe tViking something by then, so if something is hanging over his head then he might as well make himself as useful as possible so it won't have to be called in. vibes of "get along well on surface-level but things get less than ideal whenever they're one-on-one while tViking is in business mode". i love tViking. tLeo would not.

i have no idea what tLeo would be like around Navigator, or if they'd even interact at all seeing as Nav is pretty focused on only talking to tRuby and Sapphire and otherwise making himself scarce. if they did run into each other somehow (eg tLeo walking in on a scene and having no context to what's happening), he might think it's just tViking having a nonverbal moment and would also start writing on signs to help him feel better about it :D <- clueless. cue tRuby awkwardly ushering him out of the room or something lmao. Nav is such a big unknown that it's hard to figure out anything more than that because oh my god nav what is your DEAL.

SPEAKING OF tRUBY! despite how rocky things are between tLeo and tViking, he would've been friends with tRuby i think. also awkward moments of tRuby trying to reassure him about tViking while meanwhile tViking is also using tRuby to accomplish his goals. considering her paranoia i doubt tRuby would open up to tLeo much, especially when it became clearer that something is Wrong with him, but tLeo would try to encourage zem to talk to him... while also hiding things about himself because of being afraid how ze would react to finding out what he really is. AND THEN SAPPHIRE GETS INVOLVED AND THAT KINDA FALLS APART,

i wrote a thing with him and Sapphire (linked above) that can be summed up as "Sapphire has no idea what he's doing here or how he got here and tLeo would like to not be around Sapphire at all, thanks". like with Navigator he wouldn't put together the "this is someone else" thing, so from his pov tRuby would be creepy and ominous towards him and then not remember why afterwards. if it happened enough, tLeo would start feeling like he's playing russian roulette with "is this my friend or is this someone im scared of" and that would not help tRuby's fears of turning into Sapphire. :,D

my notes for tJay are "has a 50/50 of either helping or harming his constant anxiety". lmao. sorry buddy, your new neighbor is a bodysnatcher. although the possession thing was gonna be more relevant to tLeo's Situation (possessing his own empty shell) rather than him actually hijacking anybody else. considering what the rest of aquagrav is like tJay mightve been the only one tLeo could possess without exploding LMAO. anyway: tJay and tLeo hanging out in the trees going "everyone else here is insane" while one of them talks to scarecrows and the other one is a frisbee with ambition. although seeing as tLeo is Literally Also An Animate Object i don't think he'd find the scarecrow thing all that weird. and then also they beat each other up because offie would tell me to kill and i would /silly

while tLeo would've been put off by tFiv if he was still keeping up the tough guy act, once he realized what tFiv is actually like he would've started trying to make a connection. a fun thing with tFiv is that they're a fallen star that's homesick and likes sculk because it reminds him of home, and that's pretty similar to Leontids! in my solo series he's from space, and on the Dominionerds s1 server he had a whole plotline about sculk that's going to get referenced in some form with other stuff i do. i had a line written down for tLeo talking to tFiv about sculk and describing it as "If I get deep down enough, sometimes it feels like I'm looking down at the night sky instead of up." plus my idea for a base was an observatory, so him and tFiv could hang out there at night and talk about constellations and stuff. Leontids is named after a meteor shower :D

tVintage's love of learning about humans and what life is like outside of her duties as an angel would've continued to be the accidental comedy of "90% of AquaGrav isn't human". tLeo would've been awkward in a silly way about it and leaned in hard to the HAHA YEP I'M COMPLETELY NORMAL. YEP. I'M HUMAN FOR SURE thing to avoid suspicion. endearingly cringe. depending on what i settled on for his life pre-aquagrav, though, he might've joined in on the excitement and discovery of a new world.

the other aquagrav member he'd click with besides tFiv would potentially be tBox, which is really funny considering the huge amount of tension between tFiv and tBox. although in tBox's case, it would be because of miscommunication-- tLeo would be unphased by tBox's thing about "not having a face" because. well, tLeo. and would think that the box is a situation like his mask where tBox Literally Needs It To Exist and not "box is a horrorterror trying to not scare people with whatever the hell he actually looks like under there". as friendly as he would be to tBox himself, though, tLeo would be scared shitless of the eyes and avoid going to tBox's corner of Aquarium Gravel as much as possible. he doesn't like feeling like he's being watched.

or, in less words, my original notes:

viking: sees him as a tool, leontids is a bit :( about it but figures if he's an asset he might as well be a useful one ruby: grabs him after like "hey. dont let him be like that to you" <- also lets him be like that to them sapphire: scares the shit out of him, as seen in the comic/fic navigator: they have no idea what to make of each other. leontids thinks viking is being Weird and starts writing on signs back bc "maybe he doesnt feel talky today???", nav is also "hey. youre not supposed to be here. the heck" jay: leontids listens to him talk about the scarecrows, enamored by the snails, says some weird shit that makes jay Nervous fiv: bond over "sculk kinda looks like the stars, doenst it?" vintage: thinks hes Interesting. "humans are neat" "HAHA YEAH IM. DEFINITELY HUMAN. AWESOME" box: handshake on "always hiding their face", friendly introduction, box walks off and leontids quietly freaks out at all the eyes staring at him

bonus round thoughts: his sign color would be either warped (blue!) or acacia (he is very orange). also there was a joke about tLeo being elected aquagrav's therapist bc Everyone Has So Many Problems but uh. that probably would not survive contact with the enemy. i didn't really have plans for what his whole storyline would be, because Leontids in general has a lot of elements i would pick-and-choose from depending on what fit the overall vibe, but he's got his own brand of issues:

leontids: hi! turns out [MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BEAT THE GAME] and im about to start crying! viking: bro im literally just standing here

i say as if leontids isnt the type of person to put his problems in the backseat when he sees what the rest of aquagrav is dealing with. guy who is so so niceys until someone finds a crack in his facade and he has a sobbing breakdown in his government mandated murder basement

UH. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TEDTALK. BYE

[emilmoreno]

Full Name: Emiliano Moreno Nickname: Emil Age & Birthday: 32 - November 20th.  Occupation: Marine Welder Preferred Pronouns & Gender: He/him & cis-male Sexuality: Heterosexual Hometown: Briar Ridge, South Carolina. Neighborhood: Beach Front Family: Isabel Moreno - 9 year old daughter.

Pinterest | Connections. 

trigger warnings: car accident.

Born locally, Emil had what he would consider a mostly fairly middle of the road childhood. He often felt a bit detached from his parents, but he wanted for very little outside of perhaps a more socially stimulating environment. His uncle who was deemed by his ma as the ‘wild’ one of her family is very close to him.

A lot of times it was his uncle that took him to tee-ball, and sat in the stands all through his schooling years on the field.

Just as he was about to pack his bags and get out of dodge on a baseball scholarship, he experienced one of his first real upsets in life. His ma was in a bad car crash, and had to go through physical therapy. With medical bills and her needing help around the house, Emil put off college.

A semester turned into a year plus, but eventually with luck on his side and some help from his high school sweetheart’s family - Emil left town for his belated start out in San Diego on scholarship and studying physical therapy.

Everything was going pretty swimmingly, even his long distance relationship and he was so close to making the draft that he could practically hear the stadium crowds cheering for him. but alas life had one more curve ball for him & he was given the news that Maya was pregnant and Emil immediately dropped everything to go back home.

Things went downhill from there in the years to follow. Between his own emotional distress of giving up his dream, there was a lot of tension between him and Maya that he thought getting married could somehow fix. When it didn’t, the pair had a really ugly divorce and a custody battle you’d expect to be run by Judge Judy. Maya was successful in painting Emil poorly and in the end, though he’d get visitations, he lost the custody battle for Isabel.

Having followed in his father’s footsteps upon coming back home, Emil nowadays has a very steady career. Though none of it is what he imagined he would be doing growing up he’s far from miserable, he’s adapted pretty well. Being able to turn his welding experience into his own thing by getting all his diving certifications definitely helped him settle in. Coaching tee-ball and being a sub for a local softball team certainly helps as well. The main stress in his life currently is dealing with his ex-wife and having to sometimes fight tooth and nail to get his owed visitations etc. with Isa. It doesn’t help that she’s old enough to ask questions Emil doesn’t always have an answer to, like why she has to stay with her mother. He’s stable enough that he’d like to go back to court, but he’s a little nervous it’d be hard on Isa and that he has less of a leg to stand on when Amaia has had her for as long as she has.

Fun facts:

he has a husky named Hercules after the dog in The Sandlot.

can be a bit of a thrill seeker. Likes roller coasters, dancing, and spontaneous road trips.

technically has enough diving certifications he could be a diving instructor but has little interest.  

owns way too many jerseys kind of sports fan, has seasonal tickets. supports a lot of local teams.

has a serious shellfish allergy, which is slightly amusing given the local cuisine.

likes #DadJokes and always has a snack on him because of either Isa or the kids he coaches for tee-ball.

Connections: I’ll make a full page with more suggestions etc. but here’s a quick handful to help with plotting!

Guy friends - sports fans, drinking buddies etc.

Female best friend - I'd like them to be a local similar in age if possible, so they could know his ex-wife and have gone to school together.

Dog sitter | Neighbor | Flings - I promise I'll add some other ideas & a full plots page once I get the time this week.

[theglamorousferal]

Team Phantom - Extended Edition

EbonyDarkness - Hey freeloaders, I found some options for us. ping so I know I have everyone’s attention

PollyPocket - here because we legit just narrowed these down together

AmityUnsolved - Here!

IToldYouSo - here, hoping for one close to public transit

TaeKwanDo - same buddy

DashingDash - hey, i’m gonna be paying some sort of rent whether you like it or not, I’m no freeloader.

PharaohTuck - i on the other hand am gladly claiming the title

AStarIsBorn - here but lurking, I’m getting ready to go out tonight

IShotFirst - same, but also paying attention so I can roast these places if need be

SpaceCase - I’m hoping for a place that directly crosses a leyline, then I can put a door to the gz in a closet

IToldYouSo - dude what even is your powerset

SpaceCase - come over sometime and I’ll show you the updated files, honestly we should probably all meet up in the ops center soon, it’s been too long

EbonyDarkness - agreed, we can plan that later, for now we have our options

EbonyDarkness - option one is the most customisable. It’s a block of apartments with a courtyard in the center 

EbonyDarkness - it is however in a place known as Crime Alley

PharaohTuck - um how about no

PollyPocket - we could invest in a really good security system

PollyPocket - fenton, wouldn’t your parents be able to make a shield to go around the place?

SpaceCase - uh probably, but I’d rather we stay off the radar of the local vigilantes as long as possible

SpaceCase - plus isn’t there a whole ass crime lord that runs that place? 

IToldYouSo - I still say he’s the second Robin

EbonyDarkness - FOCUS!

EbonyDarkness - option two is an old hotel with a restaurant on the first floor and a pool on the tenth

EbonyDarkness - we would be purchasing it from the Penguin however

PollyPocket - he’s said he’s gone straight and has been for at least a year according to the articles I had wes look up for me

PollyPocket - thank you again for that @IToldYouSo 

IToldYouSo - no problem, anytime really, just ask

EbonyDarkness - moving on

EbonyDarkness - option three is my personal favorite

EbonyDarkness - it’s a large manor with a few acres of land

EbonyDarkness - it’s on the outskirts of Gotham proper though, so we’d have to drive into the city

EbonyDarkness - we’d be purchasing it from Timothy Drake-Wayne and be neighbors with Brucie Wayne

EbonyDarkness - mom actually tipped me off to this and got me Tim’s number because she remembered hearing him complain about needing to sell the place at a gala she recently attended

PharaohTuck - Sam.

PharaohTuck - Are you telling me you have Tim Drake-Wayne’s personal cell phone number???

EbonyDarkness - please don’t be weird about this

PharaohTuck - I will try my best. My vote is the manor.

PharaohTuck - I’m going to go scream now.

EbonyDarkness - we don’t have to vote just yet, I’m gonna put all the details in the drive

EbonyDarkness - there were some weird stipulations for the manor too

EbonyDarkness - he wanted to be able to still store the artifacts his parents had collected until he could find proper homes for them and warned us not to explore the caves under the mansion, that there was a gas down there or something

DashingDash - kinda sus ngl

TaeKwanDo - I mean, he probably wants to preserve his parents' stuff, didn’t they both die in really shitty ways?

AmityUnsolved. - According to the news reports I found, yeah, it wasn’t great.

SpaceCase - looking at the map we were able to put together of magic sources around Gotham it looks like all three of these places are close enough to certain ley lines or thinning of the veil that I can safely have a door to the gz without needing an outside source of power

EbonyDarkness - sick

EbonyDarkness - I put all the info in the drive, everybody research it, we can vote on it when we meet up

EbonyDarkness - I’m thinking this friday night? anybody busy?

SpaceCase - barring ghost shit I’m good

PharaohTuck - I’ll be there.

PollyPocket - I’ll bring sodas! No offense fenton, but I don’t trust anything in your house

SpaceCase - none taken

IShotFirst - If someone wants to pick me up from work and help me haul it, I can bring Nasty Burger for everyone

DashingDash - I can grab you once I’m done at the shop

IShotFirst - sounds good to me, I’m off at 6

DashingDash - bet

TaeKwanDo - could somebody pick me up after my shift at the shelter? I’m off at 4

AmityUnsolved - I can pick you up if it’s okay with Wes that we start and end a bit early for this week’s podcast?

IToldYouSo - I’m cool with that

EbonyDarkness - Cool, so 6:30 at earliest at FentonWorks this friday

Amity Parkers moving to Gotham for college. Sam and Paulina pooling their trust funds together to buy an abandoned hotel and fitting it as apartments for everybody. They all train together in the courtyard to keep their skills up and just because it's fun. Suddenly an influx of super competent self-trained (or maybe ghost-trained) young adults.

Everybody having their little niches and suddenly they all have more free time that's not being taken up by ghost attacks so many of them started different YouTube channels with info they found out from the ghostly residents of Amity. Star and Paulina running a history of beauty channel going over makeup, hair styles and fashion, special guest Sam when going over alt fashions. Dash and Kwan running one on the history of sports. Wes and Mikey running a conspiracy theory podcast. Valerie running a martial arts channel. Danny just info-dumping about space and spacecraft in videos that range from 45 minutes to four hours. Tucker running a how-to channel for fixing tech and coding. Sam running a combination true crime and witchy channel. The Trio running a Let's Play channel.

Ghostly things happening in all of the videos and everybody guesting on everybody else's channels leads to everybody thinking it's all an elaborate ARG. Danny just floating through the walls half-asleep with a glowing shaker bottle in the background. Some of them when they're in the middle of a rant seem to forget to take a breath or their eyes or freckles start glowing. On a livestream Paulina snaps at somebody off screen and her eyes are suddenly glowing green. Danielle pops in during a charity livestream that the Trio are running and calls Danny-Daddy, Sam-Mom, and Tucker-Dad and is just floating on the back of the couch. Danny doing a stream to watch a rocket take off and suddenly a robe and crown flash and he disappears in a flash of green and the stream is just dead space until the rocket's about to take off and Danny comes running in and jumps over the back of his chair to watch it and cheer.

[dollarbin]

Shakey Sundays #30:

Zuma, Part 3

Yeah, I'm a total cheapskate.

My buddy Greg and I just had a long men's weekend together that featured no wives, no children, a frig stocked with light alcohol, pickled vegetables and not much else, and free access to another frig of the walk-in variety which had nothing in it except aging, leftover meat.

Greg, as host, politely suggested a shopping trip was in order.

"There will be no shopping, Greg," I boomed. "I did not come to shop."

Four days later I headed home, leaving behind a lot less of the pickled okra and asparagus, none of the White Claw and not a single piece of the aging meat. Old hamburgers and old chicken had featured in every meal.

Yum: Greg and I never went hungry, nothing went to waste and, best of all, zero dollars were spent on hummus, tomatoes or kale.

I can tell you the exact moment I became a dedicated, lifelong, tightfisted miser: check the price tag and you'll see that in November 1993 I hauled Zuma out of a Dollar Bin. That 99 cent investment set my standard going forward for reasonable purchasing. It's a standard I maintain: after all, nothing should cost more than a copy of Zuma. Tacos should be 89 cents a piece, but you're allowed to get a few of them; beers should be 59 cents per can, max.

Well, the world has changed. I wound up recently with different friends in a very dubious Mexican restaurant. I say dubious because there was more than one hostess and they both looked like super models. Beyond them I saw cloth covered tables, elegant dishes artfully arranged and signature cocktails served in hand blown glasses. Instantly my inner-miser started sending out serious distress signals to every inch of being, most especially to my ass.

Why my ass, you ask? Because my wallet (which is 20 years old and is really nice - after all, it was a gift and therefore I did not pay for it myself) was safely secured in a pocket beside my ass, and my wallet, and its contents, were in some serious danger because the tacos were clearly not going to cost 89 cents.

Seriously: how can any purchase ever seem worth it if you bought Zuma for 99 cents? Let's lean into the final two tracks on Side A and experience the record's yin and yangs of greatness.

Lookin' For A Love is unique to the record in that it's a full-on Crazy Horse track which was not produced by Young's long-time cocaine fiend of a producer David Briggs. Here they are again:

Poor Briggs is long dead, but he still scares me. Not only did he look like Young's one-time beer buddy and neighbor, Charles Manson, he also consistently pushed Young to make his music more gnarly and terrifying. If Briggs edited this blog there'd be a lot more suggestive pictures of Linda Ronstadt and Carly Simon posted to attract leering eyeballs; plus "ass" would be the least coarse word in a post.

A lot of what makes Zuma great is Briggs' dangerous influence. Girls? They're stupid. Birds? They're dangerous. Briggs had the guys record most of Zuma in his own Malibu home after daily, day long sessions at the bar and after telling his neighbors they would just have to deal with it. Those neighbors were apparently too frightened of Briggs to put a stop to it.

Instead, Neil himself put a stop to it: once the record was done he went back to his own home to record Lookin' For A Love. The band came with him, but Briggs was not invited.

And you can tell! The song is, well, pretty. Neil sings with (relatively) positivity and hope; Pancho, Ralph and Billy work through the changes with (relatively) sober care.

Had he been in charge, Briggs would have surely destroyed this version, ordered everyone to the bar for 6-8 hours, then had them do it over and over again until Neil's yearning on the beach turned from sensitive longing to leering threat.

But I love this song. Briggs made Young great a lot of the time. And sometimes Neil did the right thing and ditched him.

But let's flip the only remaining coin in my guarded wallet and listen to perhaps the most terrifyingly good song in Neil's whole career.

Over the years Shakey's put different spins on Barstool Blues: sometimes he says he has stoned during its creation; sometimes he says he was drunk. We'll split the difference here and assume it was a whole lot of both because the one consistent claim Young makes is that he has no memory whatsoever of creating this song. He woke up the next day and it already existed.

On occasion I've seen people blacked out drunk and still moving. Mostly they've been pissing in public and puking, sometimes at the same time. Never have they been making transcendent art.

But his ability to do just that, friends, is a big part of what makes Neil Young so special:

[mattyfizzle]

"RIP Backpage... You will be missed dearly buyt never forgotten as you will live on in the hearts of every mark ass trick, trick ass mark, scip scap scallwop as long as there are Johns paying for sex."

Imagine if the ghost of backpage past decided it was going to haunt every John who tried to skip on on paying a hooker after they fullfilled their verbal contract plus some. Recently, a buddy of mine offered my homegirl 40 dollars to suck his dick to which she obliged becuase she was broke and homeless and needed the money. After getting past the insulting amount of the offer she blows him down with as much energy as she could muster, after a 3 or 4 day run during which she did not sleep even a wink.

$40 bucks doesn't buy the most epic blowjob right guys....

The guy was such a creep that he violated her only rule which was to keep his hands off the back of her head. Her reason doesn't matter she told him before she accepted money and he agreed but for moment one he kept trying to slam a square peg through a round hole. Some girls like it when you do that and some girls only tolerate it but this day in age even if you are paying for it you don't get to do whatever you want... now check this out, I have been the receptient of numerous free blowjobs from this girl.....top notch and I never put my hands on her not once....but this guy not only touched her head but it sounded like he was trying to orce her to do something she didn't wanna do and why the fuck would you do that bro she already has your dick all her her mouth. She tells you the third time as she has to stop what shes doing, remove said dick from her mouth stand up and come and get me to tell me what happened.

I thought she was just going to my neighbors for a fucking sandwhich jesus christ

I said. "Well do you have the money still?" I asked her calmly.

"Yes," she says and then adds, "I dont' have to give it back do I, I still did what I said I was gonna do." These damaged drug addicted streetwalkers from the streets of Portland man, tugging on my heart strings.

"No you don't have to give it back... do you want to go spend it right now or do yo you need to save it for something?" she answered with a resounding....

"Both"

"Give me 20 of it and when you need to spend it I will give it back to you I promise ok. Thats your money I don't want anyone to try to punk you out for it or talk you out of it or try to borrow it or even just have you lose it. Here's a receipt if you worried about trusting me but you don't have too. It sounds like this guy didn't quite rape you, but he should still be talked too and officially warned by another man so it has the right effect does that sounds like a proper move going forward... or do you want this guy to get smacked around its up to you...

Just know that your words here have effects in the wreal world.

You say smack him around and I will smack him around five minutes from now until he feels that same fear and anxiety you felt with his hands on the back of your head.

She thanked me the only way she knew how... with a good old fashioned blow job that curled the toes and loosened the soul a llittle bit...

The moral of the story is don't be a fucking lame and offer yoru homeboys friend money to suck your dick...

get a real hooker and spend real hooker money.... also.... giving money to a hooker is a one way road... once they get it, they are not giving it up. Follow me for more great street smartz stories, tricks and tips from a Pimp {me} to help save you {Simps} one Pimp or Power move at a time.

The ghost of Backpage past has now spoken and after haunting said Pimps and ho's it must now head back to where ever it came from oly to reappear again when it is needed to play

"Captain Save a Pimp"

[ratsoh-writes]

A cat comes by their house every day. They sit there and stare at the window. One day, they wake up and find the cat in their house. Despite any pet barrier or window... No one knows how they got in. If they get rid of them, they always come back. What do they do? HT, UF, FSG, UT, and SF.

Oak: stars dammit not again. This is the neighbors cat, but like any other animal it’s decided to adopt oak instead. Probably for the fourth time this week again, oak has to carry it to his neighbors and let them know the cat got out again

Willow: he probably doesn’t even notice it’s the same cat. Willow just yells for oak to get rid of it like he does with literally every wild or stray animal that breaks in to see his brother.

Red: cool, new cat. After red sees baby bones and doomfanger chilling with it with no complaints, he simply shrugs and starts looking up names before his brother can claim it. Knowing edge, he’ll probably name the poor cat something like deathclaw or soulripper.

Edge: if this cat gets along with baby bones and doomfanger, then it’s clearly meant to be his cat. Edge shops around for a bad*ss looking collar to match the other two kitties. He names the cat steelshredder.

Wine: dude, this cat is really getting on his nerves. This is the third time he’s called mutt to take it away, and now the other monster is refusing and telling him to just admit it’s his cat now. Wine doesn’t have time for some adorable sweet cat who follows him around like a little kid. ……well if it’s gonna stick around, he might as well brush it and make it look presentable at least. Hmm, he should probably fatten it up. The kitty looks thin. Would a red or gold collar look better with its eyes?

Coffee: this is the first time he’s been chosen by an animal, and coffee is LIVING. After the third time the cat breaks in, coffee puts his foot down and pulls out all the stops to manipulate wine into letting it stay. Wine finally agrees after a week or two.

Sans: at this point sans doesn’t really care if the cat keeps breaking in as long as it doesn’t leave too much of a mess. Plus he knows papyrus has been secretly feeding it. Sans will leave the window open for the cat and enjoys having a fuzzy nap buddy next to his pillow each night. He names the cat dog

Papyrus: at first he was frustrated and found how the cat was breaking in and patched up the entrance. But when papyrus catches the same cat waving through his puzzle trap like it’s nothing, he’s smitten. This is the coolest cat known to man and it’s clearly his now. Papyrus isn’t really very knowledgeable on how cats are supposed to act, so he trains it like a dog. The cat can fetch and walks on a leash now.

Mal: nope nope nope! Mal absolutely does not want a cat. They shed, scratch the furniture, and leave dead animals on his porch! He gets really fed up, especially after he catches cash cheering the cat on as it breaks in AGAIN. Mal winds up picking the damn thing up, and marching right to someone he knows will actually keep it. Yea wine is fairly mad mal gave his brother a cat, but he’ll get over it eventually

Cash: he thinks this is the funniest thing ever when the cat breaks in a second time. He finds himself cheering on the little guy as it goes out of its way to annoy his brother. When mal starts mumbling about traps though, cash figures the joke has gone on long enough. The kitty is soon left on the mafias doorstep. An angry text from bruiser later tells cash he was successful in getting the cat a new home lol

[ryozoro]

Hades Playlist - iv.

NOW PLAYING: Memories - David Guetta [ft. Kid Cudi]

an; yo, sorry if the transitions are a little sloppy; I’ll go back in and fix them when I have the chance :,)

last song 🔊 EP 🔊 playlist 🔊 next song

“We try to hide our feelings, but we forget that our eyes can speak.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“HA,” the lady snorted as she played with her wedding ring, “you sound like my husband; you are like - the first girl I’ve met who has thought I was pretty. Thank you, it truly means a lot.” The lady smiled as she began pulling out her wallet and a few written down notes, “it’s uh - fuck hitto, you write like a kid, it’s a 2016 Ducati?”

“2016 Ducati Full Throttle,” yn said back with a small smile as the woman laughed again, “I’m assuming it’s your husband’s old bike?”

“Yeah,” she played with her ring as her smile softened, “he wants it in good condition before he gives it to one of our neighbors. It’s tradition for his - occupation..”

“He in a gang?” Yn asked as she began shuffling through shelves, “Don’t sweat it, I’m not gonna freak out over trivial matters.” The young ryuguji chuckled as she finally found the part she’s been looking for. “Here,” she place the part on the top, “its the G2 Throttle Tamer Ducati you needed. I’m assuming he’s still in a gang by the looks of how you covered for him, but don’t worry - it’d be hypocritical if I got scared you were involved with a delinquent.”

“Oh,” the lady sighed out, “thank gods. You can call me Kaku-san if it’s alright with you? Could you install the part by yourself? Sorry, my man is just always busy with work and was hoping to have someone install it for us..”

“I can’t personally install it, but my brother can! He gets back from his lunch break in about twenty minutes, so I know its a long wait -"

vrrr...vrrr...vrrr

"I'm so sorry, I'll just turn that off-," yn went to hit 'decline call.'

“I can wait, no sweat!” She smiled as she began digging through her mini backpack, “I need to check and see if my loser has ate lunch yet. I'll be outside for a bit." With that, 'Kaku-san' had walked out as she dialed her husband.

"Fucking hell," yn breathed out before hitting accept, "Inui-senpai, hey - what did you need?" Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard his low laugh.

"Just checking to see if my favorite girl has ate yet - so, have you?" Yn could just hear the smile that creeped upon his face, but for some reason - she didn't feel as in awe as she once did.

"Ah," yn scanned the shop and began totaling the price for the repair and writing further notes for her older brother, "no, I haven't ate yet, but I was planning on just heating up some of the leftovers that Souya-kun gave me."

"You know, if you keep being as cute and clingy as you are around him," yn could hear him moving around paper bags of what she assumed was to-go food, "shit, sorry. As I was saying, if you keep being so cuddle buddy with him, he's goin to fall for ya."

"Or," yn rolled her eyes as she began to document minor details on the log for each hour, "maybe, you're just reading in too deep on the fact that Souya is just an overall easily flustered person. Being a decent human does not make my kind actions count as flirting; if it does, well, you men around me are just dumb."

"Oh, don't be like that, princess," inui said in a rather sarcastic tone, "you know I'm just teasing you. Leaving that matter, I got you lunch - your favorite lunch, might I add."

"Thank you senpai, but -,"

"Inui-kun~ why aren't you getting off the phone yet? You promised that you would pay attention to only me today!" Yn heard a whiny voice - a woman’s whiny voice - through the phone, “I thought you said after we get lunch we’re just gonna lay in bed all day.” Inui mumbled something to her that seemed to have shut her up, clearing his throat, “sorry about that, are you still -,”

“I’m pretty busy and I plan on going out with a friend for my lunch break,” she cut him off, “have fun on your day off.”

yn knew she shouldn’t be angry; inui was never hers to begin with, but she was hoping that he’d at least spare her feelings. maybe this was good. maybe knowing that he has someone, even if it’s just a fuck buddy, will help her clear her mind and finally let go.

tani senpai <3: ft during your lunch break?

tani senpai <3: wait do you play cod? if you did that’s be kinda hot

tani senpai <3: I meant dope but hot works too

tani senpai <3: OH, wait rain check on the call, why don’t we just meet in person? ;) after all, I still have your necklace.

tani senpai <3: I cleaned it up because I was wearing it so I wouldn’t lose it.

tani senpai <3: lmfao I really made it a blood diamond at one point

kaku-san paid her total for the part and repair and ensured yn that she’d be back around five. sighing once the older woman left, yn went to check her phone that had been buzzing incessantly since she hung up on her brother’s best friend.

you: I’m gonna punch you in dick next time I see you :,) I was helping someone and I had to act like my phone was not going HAAM in my pocket

tani senpai <3: uh uh uh , leave ran jr. alone. he did nothing wrong :p plus, you’d have to kiss it better if you hurt him

you: I — WHEN ARE WE MEETING AND WHERE ?

tani senpai <3: [location] a small nightclub @ 16:00 tonight :) I would offer to buy your dinner, but you threatened my best man.

you: I hate you :,) but um,,, I don’t exactly know — what to wear to a nightclub..? Can I just go in a hoodie and some sweats and talk to the bouncer like “hey, I know the haitani bros — lemme in.”

tani senpai <3: LMAOOO,, nah I would to see you size the man up. as for clothes — you don’t have anything like ,, that radiates “hot girl” shit ?

you: no, if I’m not in my uniform — I’m either wearing my brother’s clothes with some cargo pants or sweats. sometimes I wear my own clothes, but that’s usually just merch.

tani senpai <3: as much as I want to see you in school uniform or in full need mode, I don’t think the bouncer would just let you in. OH, wait — fuck them. I forgot that I’m literally a god to them lmao,, wear what you want , I’ll wait outside for you and we can walk in together :)

you: wait really :,) I’m gonna try and make use of what I have tho ! I’ll lyk when I get there :)

tani senpai <3: wow so you’re not gonna ft me :|

you: you licherally said “rain check”

tani senpai <3: but I just finished my tasks for today, call me or I’m calling you

you: sorry , my brother just got back, I’ll talk to ya later :p

tani senpai <3: fine :| I’ll just bother Rin then.

the young ryuguji chuckled before locking and pocketing her phone once she noticed her brother’s presence. sure, she was still hurt at the fact that inui is currently hooking up - maybe even dating - another girl, but at least she could look to the eldest of the Haitanis and feel herself forgetting all about her first love.

“What ya lookin at brat,” Ken laughed out as he went to pat her head, “hey, who has you smiling like that?” He has always been protective; it was just his nature as a big brother. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re happy, but if it’s about a boy I would LOVE to know who.”

“It’s just a stupid thing that emma-senpai sent me,” yn attempted to play it off, “anyways — how was lunch?”

“It was good,” draken said as he went to put his jumper back on, “but it coulda been better if inui didn’t bring his ‘friend girl’ around. She kept hittin on Mikey and asking about my necklace and I almost called you up to come deck her.” He quickly grabbed his chain and kissed the ‘Emma’ that hung in the middle just before tucking it back under his white tshirt; it was his routine.

“I woulda showed her that ‘Draken Uppercut’ if I was there big bro,” yn made a small show of what she did in hopes of making her brother smile.

“You’re an idiot,” his smirk plastered on his face in a proud manner, “but I don’t need you wasting your energy on her. It just — like who the hell do you think you are touching a random stranger, especially around their neck. Like who?” She could tell that he was upset that he couldn’t have done anything; Draken was just brought up to be extremely respectful. “The worst part,” he threw a wrench at his ‘anger wall,’ “she kept asking shit like: “who names their kid emma,” “was she at least pretty,” and the one where I almost put my hands on her, “is she dead or something? what you just can’t let go?” Yn, I was so close to knocking her daylights out. She honestly got lucky takemitchy had tackled Mikey, or she woulda got her shit rocked.”

“I,” yn was at a lost for words; she had never heard someone disrespect any of her family this openly, “what the fuck did inui say? Did he just sit there through all this shit?” she moved from behind the counter and rolled out one of the bikes he was scheduled to work on, “please don’t tell me he did.”

“No,” draken rolled his eyes as he recalled the previous events, “just prop it up by station one, gotta get the new 340 mm rear air shock absorber suspensions, oh, could you jot that down, please? But nah, this fucker,” draken lifted the bike up so the back was in the air and put it on a lift, “just found every way to piss me off. Like I love him, but he fucked up today. He told us ‘sorry, she’s just cranky so don’t take her words to heart.’ If she called me ugly or some dumb shit I’d be okay, but he really told me not to take to heart the fact that she spoke on Emma’s name like that.” He tugged on his dark locks as he undid it, “could ya put it back up for me, it’s not tight enough.”

“I gotcha big man,” yn gently massaged his scalp as she went to put his hair in a tight but loose bun, “you know, she’s probably really proud of you right now. Bet she’s smilin up there too.” she could feel his tenseness fade as she comforted him; she’d do this one hundred times a day if it meant that he’d finally stop blaming himself for all those years ago. “There,” she smoothed over the top of his head once more, “all done.”

“Thank ya,” he hums as he begins to work on the bike, “oh, do you want to come with later? me and the boys are gonna head to mitsuyas before we go out so you can hang out with the other brats.”

“Actually, I um,” yn felt the sweat gather in her palms as she walked back to her station, “I was wondering if I could go out tonight - with a friend..”

“What friend,” yn flinched as her brother snapped his gaze towards her, “do I know said friend?”

“N-no,” she cleared her throat and began writing on sticky notes and receipts, “he — they were nice to meet when I first got back in town and offered to hang out - so, I felt that it’d be rude to -,”

“Nah, you’re not going,” draken turned his attention back to the bike, “you’re either going to stay home or hang out at mitsu’s house. No in between.”

“That’s fair,” yn sighed, “can I just have a reason as to why I can’t go?”

“Because I don’t know em and the streets have been rainin havoc since Mikey got out,” he sighed as he put his tools down. He stood up to full height and gently patted the leather seat of the propped up bike, “I just don’t want you to get hurt, bub. Yer my number one right now and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on if you even get the slightest bit of hurt.”

“I understand big draco,” she laughed softly, “Can I just stay in then? I promise I won’t leave; I just feel like being in my own bed tonight.”

“Anything for you, yer majesty.” Ken smiled as he concluded that he had the best sister in the world.

—

“Alright, yn, we’re about to head out,” her big brother knocked on her door, “can ya at come say bye?”

“Fuck,” yn got up and quickly put an oversized sweater and some basketball shorts that reached just below her knees, “gimme a minute! Sorry, I was taking a nap.”

“We’ll be out in the living room, dumbass.”

If anything, yn was just glad none of them walked into her room to see her basically bare figure - shout out to her Ken-nii for knowing his sister. Once fully covered, yn made her wait out the room and noticed everyone sitting on the couch in the living room, even inui.

“Yn,” souya barked out, “you’ve ate right? If you haven’t ‘m gonna fight you!” He stood up and approached yn as all the other boys smirked and whistled in the back. “You guys shut the hell up.!”

“Neh neh,” nahoya laughed, “you need to stop bein so flirty over there, angry.” Smiley always teased angry, but that was just brotherly nature; however, if anyone else were to continuously pick on angry — it wouldn’t be a shock if Smiley was on top of them and imprinting the curve of his elbow into their forehead. “He just missed you, little Ryu. Make sure to let us know if anything happens-,”

“We’re going to get Ken-chin laid,” Mikey said with a mischievous smirk as he began pushing his taller friend out the front door. “Choi~.” The other boys followed either patting her head before they left or hip bumping her; hakkai decided to be the odd man out and hug yn to his chest and dramatically walk out the door as if they won’t see each other for fourth years.

“BYE,” she poked her head out then quickly shut the door and disregarded her hoodie, “now that they’re gone..”

VRRR..VRRR….VRR

“OH MY GOD, WHAT,” picking her phone up off the coffee table she fell back onto the couch, “what do they want-,”

Incoming FaceTime: tani senpai <3

“Shit.!” Yn quickly sat up and answered with an apologetic face, “heeeey, what’s up?”

“You look cozy,” he eyed the tops of her shoulders with only her bra straps decorating them, “cozy enough to make a man stand outside for, hmm - what does my watch read - thirty minutes.”

Yn looked thoroughly confused as she cocked her head to the side and fell back, “what does you standing outside of some random building have to do with me?”

“Did you really —,” she watched the man shift and bring her golden chain into view, “you were supposed to meet me tonight in order to get your precious necklace back. You stood me up and now I look like a fucking idiot who got stood up.” He deadpanned into the camera and had a small pout, “you had all the guys laughin at me, darlin. You really disappointed me.” Yn felt her heart slowly tear; she hated disappointing anyone. “If you were going to show up you could have at least said so.” Just as she was about to speak, Ran hung up and left her to wade in her thoughts.

—

You: Ran-senpai, I promise it was on accident ! I meant to tell you earlier, but it just slipped my mind (read 8:44 p.m.)

You: pls forgive me :,) I fell asleep as soon as we got off work and came home; draken-nii told me to rest up since I can’t go out so I figured I might as well (read 8:45 p.m.)

You: yk if you’re going to read my text, the least ya could do would be to respond. I said I’m sorry. (read 8:47 p.m.)

You: yer a fucking brat , man child who throws a fit and refuses to actually try and listen to others when they try to talk it out with you. (read 8:48 p.m.)

You: self made bitch. (read 8:50 p.m.)

You: yk what, fuck you. I tried to be nice to you and I actually enjoyed talking to you for what-? A week ? You’re mad because I can’t just do what I want? Sorry I’m a great sister who doesn’t want to make her brother worry. Sorry I don’t just abide and do as you please because I’m not a fucking sheep. Keep the necklace for all I care; I’ll just get a new one. Stupid cunt. (read 8:52 p.m.)

You: Fuck face. You probably just wanted to get in my pants and dip; fuck you. Leave me alone, if I see you on the street; I don’t give a fuck if I get shot or jumped, I’m gonna punch you in the throat, pussy ass bitch. (read 8:54 p.m.)

tani senpai <3: give me your address so I can drop this necklace off and get out of your life since you so desperately want me to.

You: no way in hell, just keep it.

tani senpai <3: if you don’t want it then I’ll just drop it off with your brother tomorrow.

You: you fucking —

You: ugh, fine, just drop the shit off and leave . [location] (read 8:59 p.m.)

—

With a knock at the Ryuguji’s front door, yn shrugged the jacket back on and checked through the peep hole. After noticing it was the infamous older brother of the Haitani duo, she quickly yanked him inside and made sure to lock the door quickly.

“You know drop offs don’t usually require the said delivery man to be in the house, correct?” He asked with a bored expression as his eyes scanned the small space. “‘S cute for someone with you and your brother’s income.”

“I only pulled you in because my neighbors like to talk about what goes on throughout everyone’s house,” she rolled her eyes and pulled in the strings of her sweater, “hurry up and give me the fucking necklace so you can leave.”

“I did all the work of coming here,” he brushed past her as he took off his shoes and made his way to sit on the couch, “the least you could do is offer me a drink or some food.” Ran laid back into the cushions and spread his long legs as he slowly turned his gaze to the TV, some random anime blasting in the background. “Well, if you don’t mind, a water will do.”

“Cute for someone with you and your brother’s income,” she mocked as mumbled under her breath and grabbed him a water bottle from the fridge, “here, your majesty.” she tossed it into his lap and stood in between his legs to block the tv and make him focus all of his attention onto her.

“To what do I owe you?”

“My necklace, home invader.”

“Take it off of me then,” he raised an eyebrow, “you didn’t expect me to do that as well did you?”

“Fine,” her shorts hiking up as she moved to straddle his hips, she took note that he had been eyeing her thighs since he arrived, “I’ll take off the stupid thing.” She buried her chin into the crook of his neck, “just sit still so I can -,”

“You know,” he flattened his palms against the bare tops her knees and barely sliding his finger tips up the rim of the pants, “you hiding more just makes me want to see you in less.”

“Heh,” she chuckled as she slowly wrapped her arms around the middle of his torso, “yer a fucking perv as well as a bastard.”

“You know your necklace isn’t dangling along my spine, right?” He chuckled as he gently kneaded her flesh, “am I making you uncomfortable?”

“Nah, feels nice,” she chuckles when she feels him gently dig his finger tips into her skin, “‘m makin you uncomfortable?”

“nah,” he jokingly mocked her as he took his hands and slid them farther up to the tops of he thigh, “boxers?” He pulled back slightly so he could rest his forehead on hers.

“mm, never really wanted to bother ken-nii when he did the laundry, so I just get boxers,” she laughed, “what? Did you honestly think I’d be chilling at home in a thong or something? Women gotta breathe too.” she felt her heartbeat pick up as his finger tips danced along the material; yn wondered if he could tell that she’s never had a boyfriend as she lacked - in takemichi’s words - ‘ettick.’

“You are respectful yet have anger issues, a smart mouth, and embody the term ‘I don’t give a fuck,” he swiftly took both hands from under the clothing and lightly placed them on either side of her face, “you are so fucking gorgeous, didya know that?” His rings were cold on her heated skin, making her smile softly.

“..you know,” yn laid a chaste kiss on the bonten’s left wrist, “… ‘msorry..”

“Couldn’t hear ya,” he chuckled deeply as he maneuvered his right hand at the back of her neck and squeezed lightly, “repeat it more clear this time. You wanna be a good girl, right? Be the best girl you can and repeat it.~”

“Motherfu-, AHEM,” she scrunched her face up in hopes of hiding how happy it made her to have a second chance at being a ‘good girl,’ “‘m sorry you don’t know how to communicate.”

“Ah ah ah,” he squeezed his right hand a little tighter, causing her to ground her hips down and lean forward into his chest, “that’s not what I want to hear.” she heard him groan, but she was too busy fighting the battle in her head as to why she felt more secure when he gripped her tighter.

“I said,” she nuzzled her nose between his lean pecs, “‘m sorry.” Yn got up and placed one of her hands at the base of the bonten tattoo and squeezed gently along his Adam’s apple, “I’m not saying it again, so you better have heard me the first time.”

“You’re so angry; a wolf under sheep’s clothes you are,” ran hummed as he leaned back in, noses brushing, “yer forgiven little lamb. I don’t know - you barking up the wrong tree knowing that I could hurt you just turns me —,”

BZZT, BING.

Both bodies had turned their heads towards the door in confusion.

“Are you expecting guests?”

“No,” yn quickly got off of Ran’s lap and grabbed the crowbar that rested by the umbrellas, “fuck, if it’s those fucking assholes that want to fight ken-nii, ‘m gonna kill em.” She went to look through the peep hole, only to be pulled back to the older man’s chest.

“Let me get it,” ran signaled for her to hide behind the kitchen wall as he pulled out his signature baton that hung on his belt loop, “be quiet, little one.” Ran opened the door to a young man, about a year or two older than yn, dressed in a pizza delivery uniform with 3 large boxes in his hand. If he wasn’t just some kid, the Haitani would’ve beat him just for openly sporting a scowl towards him.

“Oh, hi sir, are you,” the young man looked back at the receipt then back at the Bonten executive, “Kawata Souya? I have one pepperoni, Hawaiian, and plain cheese.” Ran’s head shot to the side at the sound of you rushing towards the door.

“A-ah ! That would be me I guess,” yn guided Ran’s hand behind her to hide the weapon as she widely opened the front door, “sorry my brother’s friend probably ordered it since they went out -,”

“Yn?”

“Huh,” she looked up at the man, “oh shit, hongo?! I thought you were in Osaka right now for Uni; you still play there, right?”

“Yeah,” the worker replied, “oh shit, this like.. a date or something?” He threw his glare at Ran and softened his features once his gaze returned back to the young ryuguji. “Nah, nevermind, that’d be dumb considering you swore off dating,” the bonten men felt as if his heart had been pricked with a small needle, “especially since you used to swear to draken we were gonna get married and stay together forever and ever.” Yn was visibly embarrassed as Ran watched her take the pizza from Hongo’s hands and start trying to kick him off the porch. “Wait, before I go,” he said as he jotted down his number on the receipt, “let me know when you’re free. Maybe ya could come see me play one of these days? Summer games start back up next week so I’ll be headin-,”

Ran pulled on yn’s wrist before slamming the door, interrupting Hongo’s spill. He made show of how hard he locked the door so anyone outside could hear that the house was closed and not expecting anymore visits.

“Ooo,” yn placed the pizzas down onto the small kitchen table and looped her arms around Ran’a slim waist, “are you upset yer not getting all the attention?” She giggled as she kissed the symbol that marked the center of his neck.

“Why would I be upset over some 4 incher maxed college boy,” he smirked as he brought his hand to the side of her face and let his thumb brush along her bottom lip, “plus, if anything he should be the one whose upset. You can’t hate me or push me away if you wanted to; your desire for me to show you the depths of the world is visible just by looking in your eyes.” Yn felt her breath quickening and her head going numb as his words made way into her; making her feel far more intoxicated than any alcohol or drug could have ever done. “You can try to deny it, but what sane person would invite one of the most violent people with the most blood on his hands into her home?”

“I’m the farthest thing from sane,” yn breathed out as she placed a chaste kiss onto his lips before burying her face under his chin, “because I find myself wanting to do this more. I’m so glad I don’t look where I’m going when I’m on my bike.” Ran laughed as he connected their lips, but this time he deepened the kiss; her knees gave out and his tongue slipped in making her lungs just as weak.

“Princess, youre fucking gorgeous,” he broke away before holding her in his strong arms, “but I don’t want to just ‘get in your pants.’ I want-,”

“Good, because im not easy,” she cut him off as she tried to catch her breath.

Ran laughed as he dragged her back to the couch, leaving her to fetch each of them two big slices of cheese pizza. He sat beside her, kissing her temple, and devouring the free meal, “yknow, this taste ten times better than any food at the shitty night club.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she said as she harshly swallowed the dough, “ish bad mannirs..”

“You,” he leaned in and kissed the sauces covered corners of her mouth, “also taste better than any food at the club.”

“Well you’ll have to wait until you can taste all of me,” catching ran off guard - she flirted back, “after all, the fruit taste better when ripened.”

—

“Princess,” Ran attempted to shake her tired figure off him, “believe me, I want to stay. I really do, but I don’t want to cause a stir or heated argument between you and your brother.”

“We we’re just playing Mario kart and you said,” yn stared up at him with an unimpressed glare, “I’d fuck you on the counter of the pizza place just to embarrass that pizza boy,’ and now you’re scared to be caught by my brother?”

“Not scared,” he bit the tip of her nose gently before freeing himself of her limbs, “just cautious. Want my little girl not to have any complications; plus, I’d have to kill your brother if he made you cry.”

“Wait,” she pulled his sleeve, gaining his attention, “text me when you get back home.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead before making his way out her front door, “okay, little lamb.”

—

Within the span of 4 hours, draken arrived back home and yn managed to make the house rid of any clues of guest over; she even masked the smell of Ran’s cologne by bringing the box of pizza to the living room to spread the smell of grease and regrets. She rested easy on the couch, allowing some random movie to lull her into the comfortable cushions.

draken sobered up a bit after he came back and went to get a late night snack from the kitchen. spotting his sister on the couch, he chuckled softly as he gently rubbed her forehead, “thanks for bein a little angel, ya gremlin.”

it’s as if the gods above could sense draken’s obliviousness and caused yns to vibrate several times. Much to her brother’s curiosity, he checked the notifications and felt his blood boil.

—

tani senpai <3: hey, made it back home. hope you rest easy, princess. thnx. rin also says “thanks for allowing him to annoy you so I could catch a break

inui. : yn can we talk? I promise it’s not what you thought; idk what to say. Just remember, you’ll always be my favorite girl ..<3 lmk when you’re ready.

inui. : idk jus tseeing yuor brothr without you attached at the hip just made my stomak hurt, I wanna see you more.. maybe it’s because I’m drunk and finally thinking sobre, but yer awlays my fav

inui. : look, unsot having talked for like — a weakk? Has Ben eating me up, I really miss you. I’ll see you at the shop ? dream well, pretty girl.

takemitchy: BESTIE,, DONT FORGET YOU OWE ME A REMATCH BECAUSE YOU HAD YOUR BROTHER PUT ME IN A CHOKEHOLD SO YOU COULD CROSS THE FINISH LINE

takemitchy: wait, can you send me your brownie recipe ??? Hina loved them :,)

—

he didn’t know whether to be upset at the fact that there was some random “tani senpai” texting his sister and he didn’t know jack shit about them, or the fact one of his best friends was talking and drunk texting his sister. Nothing a beer and pizza can’t help.

After grabbing a full pizza box plus some beer and bringing it to his room, ken stared at his tv processing everything he just seen. Maybe this is just a dream? Maybe he’s so dizzy from the dancing and whiskey that he can’t seem to think straight? There’s just no way that his little sister would actually go for his friend; let alone, his friend returning the affection, right ? There’s absolutely no way that his sister would be letting random boys in the house. Nah, maybe he’s just scared of letting her go to university and growing up on him. This is all just a shitty nightmare.

“Whatever,” draken burped out as he took the cheap beer bottle to his lips, inhaling the last of the liquid, “heh, maybe it’s kisaki’s ghost hauntin my head with dumb thoughts.” He felt himself drifting to sleep, but stirred once he realized he almost forgot his nightly routine. Untucking the chain from his neck and pulling it towards his chapped lips, “g’night emma.”

Taglist: @richiyo @haitanigigi @chifuyusprincess @legravalice @l-ilysm @katariinasworld

[shemarmooresfedora]

Collision Course

Summary: You and Spencer were just bound to collide. Only fate could plan a first meeting that unique.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: fluff, minor car crash (no serious injuries), swearing, sexual harassment (specifically cat-calling from a stranger), mentions of eating a lot of food, implied allusion to sex (not specifically stated)

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: this is my one-shot entry for @ellesgreenaway ‘s 1k follower celebration! congratulations! <3 i’ve had this fic in my drive for a while but i never got around to finishing it until now

Masterlist

The metro was down for scheduled repairs today. JJ offered to bring Spencer in but he politely declined. He figured he should drive his car at least every once and a while so it doesn’t just collect rust in his parking spot.

Leaving his apartment 15 minutes earlier than he normally would to account for his rather slow driving, Spencer cautiously reversed out of his space.

He sighed in relief that he had not hit the neighboring cars. Spencer began to pull out of the parking garage. Unfortunately, he was so relieved from his little victory that he forgot to check both ways when he drove out of the parking garage.

Spencer slammed on the brakes but it was too late. He hit a young woman jogging and knocked her to the ground. Luckily, his average speed was that of a snail so he hoped her injuries were not too bad.

Spencer put the car in park and got out, “Oh god, oh god, oh god. Are you okay, miss?”

“I think so,” you were on the ground, assessing your body for any damage.

“Can you stand?” Spencer extended his hand to help you up.

You carefully stood, wincing a little when you put pressure on your left ankle.

“Is there anyone I can call? Do you want me to drive you to the ER?” Spencer frantically asked.

Your eyes widened, “No!” you stated a little too loudly, “Um I mean no thank you. I should finish my run anyways. I have a 5k for Alzheimer’s research coming up and I need to run or else I don’t raise any money,” you politely waved and took off again, much slower this time.

Spencer cringed as he watched you limp slightly every time you stepped on your left ankle, knowing it was his fault you were in pain. He sighed and pulled out his phone.

“Hey JJ, have you left yet? I need a ride, I’ll explain in the car.”

-

“Pretty Boy, how was your drive in?” Derek asked as soon as Spencer stepped off the elevator with JJ.

“I got about 20 feet and then hit someone with my car and had to call JJ so not great,” he admitted.

“Boy Wonder, you did WHAT? Are they okay?” Penelope gasped.

“She insisted she was fine but then she was limping away. I offered her a ride but she didn’t seem too keen on getting in a car with me,” Spencer explained.

“I wonder why,” Emily chuckled.

-

So there Spencer was. In the park in his only pair of short athletic shorts and a hoodie.

He had asked Penelope to sign him up for the 5k as a way to sort of make it up to the woman he hit. Plus, obviously it was for a good cause that was near and dear to his heart because of his mother.

Spencer had to take a lot of water breaks, periodically stopping to walk for a bit.

In the distance, he saw you on a bench and he suddenly felt the energy again to continue running to you. As he approached, he saw you tightening an ankle brace around your left foot and to make matters worse, you had a wrist brace as well.

Spencer considered just leaving you alone but he felt the need to apologize.

“H-Hello,” he awkwardly sputtered.

“Oh, hi,” you replied.

“I am so so sorry. Please let me pay your medical bills and any other expenses that I caused,” Spencer apologized.

“Unless you meant to hit me then it’s fine,” you stood from the bench.

“I definitely didn’t and I wasn’t on my phone or anything like that. I just barely ever drive but the metro was down today,” Spencer explained.

“You don’t have to pay my medical bills. I’m friends with a nurse so she did this for free. However, I would allow you to sponsor me for the 5k,” you answered.

“Absolutely,” Spencer nodded, “And funny story, you inspired me to register as well. I got everyone in my office to sponsor me.”

“That’s so great! The money is certainly going to a good cause.”

Spencer saw you smile for the first time since he met you.

“I’ve never been much of an athlete though. I barely passed my fitness test for work,” Spencer admitted.

“What kind of job has a fitness test?” you asked.

“I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI,” Spencer stated.

“Oh shit, you’re a federal agent? Maybe I will sue you and make bank,” you grinned.

Spencer’s face reddened.

“It was just a joke. You can laugh, then that means the incident is in the past and no hard feelings,” you smiled, “I’m Y/N.”

“Spencer.”

“Well, Spencer, if you ever need a running buddy, I’m more than happy to come along seeing as we both are training for the same thing. But I do have to warn you, this brace is kind of a bitch so I’m a little slower than normal.”

“I can assure you that you will probably still be faster than me with the brace on so maybe it was a good thing for me that I hit you with my car so you won’t be miles ahead,” Spencer grinned.

You laughed wholeheartedly, “See, Spencer! I’m laughing about it so no hard feelings, all is forgiven.”

“I’m just finishing up for the day but I was planning on being here again on Wednesday at the same time if you want to meet at this bench,” you offered.

“Yeah, I can do that,” Spencer nodded.

“See you around, Spencer. Hopefully not in your car though,” you winked and waved.

-

“Oh god, you’ve fallen in love with the chick you almost killed,” Derek groaned.

“Not love...well, yet anyways. She’s so pretty and easy to talk to and isn’t mean to me after everything that has happened and her laugh is like honey,” Spencer smiled softly, recalling the sound in his mind.

“Okay, lover boy,” Penelope giggled, “Did you get her number?”

“No but we’re meeting for a run tomorrow. We actually met at the park when I was training,” Spencer said.

“So she’s seen you in those short shorts and agreed to another meeting? Maybe you do have a chance, kid, cause you really put it all out there,” Derek smirked.

“Speaking of, I actually need to get more of them,” Spencer sipped his coffee.

“Just go all the way and get spandex. Leave nothing to the imagination,” Derek chuckled as Spencer rolled his eyes.

-

“Jesus, I’m going to have to hit your right leg this time if I’m going to have any chance of keeping up with you,” Spencer huffed as he bent over his knees to catch his breath.

“Well good news is that was four miles so you definitely will be able to run a 5k because it’s only 3.1 miles,” you encouraged him.

“Technically, it’s 3.10686 miles but I see your point,” Spencer heaved.

“I know a really good smoothie place nearby. Come on, it’s on me,” you grabbed his hand.

Luckily, Spencer’s face was already red from exercising so you weren’t able to see the blush that formed on his cheeks.

“No, it’s definitely on me. I know you said we’re fine but I am forever going to be indebted to you because of the incident.”

“Spencer, really just forget about it,” you assured him.

“I can’t, I have an eidetic memory,” he grinned.

“Ah, I see. Fine, you buy me one smoothie but then we’re even,” you conceded.

You were walking down the street to the cafe when you heard a whistle come from one of the cars driving by.

“Damn, your ass is looking sexy in those leggings,” a man hollered from his passing truck.

You flipped him off and tried to pull your shirt down as much as possible, crossing your arms tightly around your front.

Spencer unzipped his hoodie and extended it towards you, “Sorry, it’s a little sweaty but if you want to wear it, you can.”

You smiled softly and accepted the sweatshirt, feeling more comfortable now.

“I’ve got his license plate number memorized and I intend to file a police report. Unfortunately, reports like these usually don’t go very far but I’ll keep pushing it through. I’ll also call the company that was printed on the side of the truck and ask to speak to his supervisor,” Spencer spoke softly after a few minutes.

“Thanks, Spencer,” you leaned your head on his shoulder and sighed.

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m just doing what’s right. He had no right to make comments about your body,” Spencer said, wrapping a gentle arm around your upper waist.

-

“Welcome to Y/N’s carbo-loading extravaganza!” you opened the door of your apartment to let Spencer in.

“I brought dessert as requested,” Spencer held up a chocolate cake.

“I like how you think, Spencer. Dinner’s all ready,” you smiled.

“Spaghetti, meatballs, and crispy buttery garlic bread,” you pulled the bread out of the oven.

“Looks absolutely delicious,” he complimented.

“Eating carbohydrates before a race boosts the glycogen storage in your muscles allowing you to work out longer,” Spencer informed you.

“Interesting, I never knew the science behind it but I’m never going to complain about eating tons of pasta and bread,” you twirled some pasta on to your fork.

Halfway through the meal, Spencer accidentally got a sauce stain on his pale pink shirt.

“Oh no,” you said as he tried to dab it away.

“That needs to soak right away. I don’t want any casualties at the carbo-loading extravaganza. Give it to me to scrub and I’ll get you another shirt.”

Spencer unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off. You gulped at the sight of him shirtless, grabbing the shirt and heading to your bathroom sink to scrub it with laundry detergent.

“You can just grab any t-shirt from my room that you think will fit,” you called out to him.

Spencer settled on a light gray shirt with a golden retriever on the front.

“Okay, the stain is out! It’s just soaking now-“ you immediately stopped talking as soon as you saw the shirt Spencer was wearing.

He noticed your eyes were beginning to glisten with tears, “I’m so sorry. I can pick a different shirt,” Spencer was already beginning to pull it over the top of his head.

“No it’s fine, Spencer. That’s just my grandma’s t-shirt. I forgot I even had it.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he spoke guiltily.

“You didn’t know, besides it looks good on you anyways,” you smiled, “My grandma is the whole reason I’m running the 5k.”

“My mom has Alzheimer’s too so I understand that it’s extremely hard to watch a loved one go through that,” Spencer pulled you in for a hug.

You cried into his chest as he rubbed soothing circles on your back.

After Spencer hadn’t heard any sniffles in a while, he whispered, “Do you have any tea I can make you?”

You nodded and Spencer guided you to the couch, wrapping you in a blanket before turning the kettle on.

-

Spencer answered the cheerful knocking at his front door early in the morning.

“Race day! Are you ready?” you exclaimed.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” Spencer smiled.

“I promise we are sticking together the whole time because it doesn’t matter how long it takes us as long as we finish,” you held up your pinky.

“Together,” Spencer affirmed, locking his pinky with yours.

The starting line in the park was only a short distance away from Spencer’s apartment so you and Spencer decided to walk there as a little warm-up.

You and Spencer were doing quad stretches when you saw his eyes wander to something behind you and then widen. His face immediately reddening.

“What?” you asked, turning around to see a group of people with a sign that read ‘Go Spencer and his girlfriend!’

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t expect them to do that,” Spencer stammered.

The poor boy was so flustered so you decided to take it easy on him.

“I don’t mind,” you shrugged with a slight smile.

“You don’t?” Spencer clarified, “I’m not very good with words or flirting in general but I would like to see you again after the race is over. Maybe I could take you out to dinner?”

“Yes but my only condition is...I’m driving,” you smirked.

“Oh, you’ll pay for that,” Spencer grinned.

An air horn sounded, signaling the start of the race.

“I think you’re going to have to catch me first, Dr. Reid,” you giggled as you sprinted ahead.

-

“It’s in sight, Spencer! We can do this!” you pointed to the finish line in the distance.

“Y/N, you’re going to have to carry me. I can’t,” Spencer heaved.

“If you finish this race, I will…” you cupped your hand to his ear and whispered something.

Spencer immediately perked up and started running again.

“Hey, wait up!” you laughed.

You and Spencer crossed the finish line at the same time. Spencer’s legs immediately gave out which caused you to fall too, collapsing on top of him.

“I know I’m really sweaty and gross right now but can I please kiss you?” Spencer whispered.

Your lips were pressed on his as soon as he finished his sentence. You honestly didn’t know how long you had been kissing for but you didn’t look up until you heard one of the race officials shout, “Hey lovebirds! That’s very sweet but other people are trying to cross the finish line.”

“Sorry!” you and Spencer apologized, scrambling to your feet.

“Not really,” Spencer whispered to you and you jabbed him in the side with your elbow playfully, stifling a laugh.

what slightly inspired this fic is one time @samuel-de-champagne-problems commented on one of my posts “i could never stay mad at spencer” and then i thought to myself “same. i couldn’t stay mad at him even if he hit me with his car” and now here we are... 🚙

taglist: (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @jswessie187 @rem-ariiana @hoodpankow @mochionly

[asimpforarmin]

What Dog the AoT Characters Would Have 💛

Character(s): Armin Arlert, Sasha Braus, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, Bertholdt Hoover, & Annie Leonhardt

Genre: Light-hearted, modern!au

Warnings: Mentions of animal neglect/abuse, some dog breeds commonly perceived as scary, cursing

A/n: I usually include Mikasa in my headcanons, but I just forgot until last minute that she existed ;-; so, sorry for not including her. If someone requests it, I’ll add her to the list.

💛 Armin

His parents got him a beagle puppy for one of his birthdays and he got so attached to it. He was so grateful that he had a dog and absolutely treasures him.

Named him Buddy because he’s his little sidekick and is always fun to play with and snuggle up to.

Buddy almost never shuts up though. A bird flies past the window? He starts barking. A truck goes by? Goes bonkers. He sees himself in the mirror? Shooketh.

Whenever Buddy starts going crazy, Armin picks him up, takes him away from whatever’s bothering him and scratches behind his ears. That makes Buddy practically melt into Armin’s arms and it’s so adorable. 💕

Buddy is very protective over Armin, or as protective as a dog his size could be. He always barks at the doorbell and is very wary of strangers.

If you walk into Armin’s house and Buddy has never seen you before, Armin will be sitting in a chair holding a dog who’s glaring into your soul.

You and Armin will try to have a normal conversation while Buddy is snarling and growling at you with Armin just patting his head and making an expression that says he deals with this all the time.

After a couple visits, Buddy is still tense around you but unwinds once you start playing with him.

Whenever Armin’s studying or working, Buddy will jump up into his lap and snuggle with him.

Sometimes when Armin falls asleep at his desk, he’ll have his arms on the table and Buddy in his lap.

When he’s in the car, Buddy tries to bite cars through the window. He just growls and bangs the glass with his teeth before Armin stops him from chipping a tooth.

Just how Buddy is protective of Armin, Armin’s protective of Buddy.

If someone talks shit about his dog, he’ll get sad about it. Buddy doesn’t deserve to be treated like that, he never hurt anyone.

Buddy can’t be taken to the park because he just agitates other dogs. He never gets along with them and never lets his guard down.

Buddy’s also one of those dogs who gets really dramatic. One time he was laying on the couch with his ball and it rolled off so he just started howling.

It’s also really hard to trim his nails without him growling, even though he’d never bite anyone.

Once Buddy has calmed down around someone, he’s fun to just hang around.

Armin likes to sit on the couch reading with Buddy on his lap or beside him. He’s great to study with or have around.

💛 Sasha

Adopts a 5-year-old blue greyhound from her local shelter.

She’d been volunteering there for a while when the greyhound came in and just couldn’t resist.

With greyhounds being bred to hunt and Sasha coming from a family who has a hunting background, it seemed like a match made in heaven.

She bought her and gave her a bright pink collar with a little dog bone tag with her name etched in it.

Since greyhounds’ necks are so long, she gives her a big knitted scarf to wear in the winter to keep her all nice and cozy.

Was torn between naming her Snickerdoodle or Candy because they’re both cute names and are both foods, but ended up naming her Pumpkin because she couldn’t decide and Pumpkin’s a really cute name as well.

Sasha loves playing fetch with her and it’s so fun because Pumpkin can run really fast, really far.

Pumpkin almost never barks unless she’s having fun or there’s someone at the door.

Sasha’s bed is lofted by a couple feet for storage and Pumpkin has no problem getting on and off her bed.

The first time Pumpkin saw Sasha’s bed, she didn’t know what to do so just sat there looking up at Sasha. It took a couple minutes for her to realize Sasha patting the bed meant she could jump onto it.

Sasha allows her dog on any of the furniture so there’s short hairs all over the couch no matter what.

Pumpkin’s really kind and gentle around kids so Sasha can basically take her anywhere. She’s super well behaved but sometimes scares people because she jumps in excitement.

Sasha also shares her food with her dog all the time. Always packs extra whenever she goes somewhere so she can give some to Pumpkin.

If you moved in with Sasha, Pumpkin would take to you right away.

She would literally be so sweet and always make you happy all the time. 😭💕

Plays tug of war and fetch a lot with you.

If you’re working/eating at a desk, she’ll lean her head on your leg until you pet her or give her food, or both.

Overall, Pumpkin is so sweet and adorable. She will always cheer you up when you need it and always has enough energy to play.

💛 Jean

Adopted a pitbull who is now 6, but was brought into a fighting ring when he was 4.

He knew it would be a challenge to help an abused dog but wanted to give him a good home.

When he first saw him, he was covered in scars and missing part of his ear.

He named him Kane. He’s a beautiful deep reddish-brown color with a white belly.

From the first moment they met, there was a connection. Kane warmed up to Jean quite quickly for a dog who’s been through so much.

Jean took him home and slowly introduced him to lifestyle changes, like going for walks or taking baths.

He introduces him to other dogs too. Kane showed a little hostility in the beginning, but once he realized they weren’t threats he was fine being around them.

Jean pays top dollar for him. Any issue he has, he takes him to the vet and gets it fixed up. He also gets the best food for him because that’s what he deserves.

Kane loves going for car rides. Sometimes Jean will get in the car with him, no destination in mind, and just drive.

Jean rolls the window down and Kane pokes his head outside. His mouth opens and because of the wind going into it, he showers the window behind him in slobber.

Kane absolutely loves swimming. He’s quite good at it, but Jean still takes a lot of safety precautions, such as a life jacket or shallow water because pitbulls are known to be somewhat bad swimmers.

Every summer, Jean takes out a kiddie pool and lets Kane splash around in it.

He also really likes to turn on the hose or sprinkler and aim it at Kane. He jumps up to bite the water and they both have a great time.

It can be a problem though because when Jean’s trying to fill the pool up, Kane keeps batting the hose with his paw or trying to eat the water and Jean has to get him to relax.

Other than his little quirks, Kane’s a relatively chill dog. He’s alright with being dressed up in costumes or having to wear a cone.

Every halloween, Jean gets both of them a matching costume and they sit on the porch to give kids candy.

Jean also lets the kids pet Kane because over time, he gets very welcoming of people and other dogs he doesn’t know.

Long story short, Kane’s not the dog you want to protect your house, if someone broke in, he’d just start wagging his tail and not be able to tell what’s going on.

💛 Connie

Saw how cool Jean’s dog is and also wanted a badass and cool breed.

He ended up adopting a doberman pinscher.

Like Jean’s dog, she looks strong and intimidating.

Unlike Jean’s dog, she acts the complete opposite of how she looks.

She’s often quite jittery or seems scared. Whenever someone even remotely raises their voice, her ears go down and she lowers her head.

You and Connie often have to give her tons of pets and appreciation after shouting, whether it’s good or bad shouting.

She’s also a total cuddlebug. She loves to be on Connie’s lap 24/7 and sleeps right next to him, watching over him.

Because of her timid personality, Connie named her Lily. It’s a sweet and innocent sounding name. Even though he sought her out to be a “cool” dog, she’s super sweet and didn’t want to name her something that conflicted with who she really was.

One thing about Lily is she loves running. Connie likes to skateboard alongside her as she pulls him along. It’s not much effort for her because Connie’s lightweight and uses his feet a lot. Plus, the area they live is pretty flat, so they often do.

Lily has a hard time understanding what is and isn’t a toy. One time she nearly chewed off one of the sofa legs. Next time Connie sat on it, it snapped and then he figured out Lily was behind it.

After that, he trained her to know everything he puts in her basket is a toy, but everything else isn’t. Then, she used the basket as a toy.

She goes through toys lightning quick.

Every time you or Connie give her a new stuffed animal, it takes approximately .2 seconds for it to be torn to shreds.

Connie loves to take her to PetSmart and let her pick out toys in-store.

If she chooses a toy that means Connie won’t need to guess what she likes and what she doesn’t.

One time she chose one of those scented rope toys, but once Connie took the packaging off, she started acting weirdly.

Once he gave it to her, she started barking at it and whacking it with her paw.

Connie was super confused so he threw it and she chased after it like normal, but once she got close to it she started acting scared of it and barking.

It’s been like that ever since now so they just don’t play with that toy.

Lily doesn’t bark that often. She usually only barks from excitement or when she meets someone new.

She also doesn’t have the zoomies that much so she’s a really relaxed dog to hang with.

💛 Bertholdt

Bertholdt saw his neighbors packing their stuff in a van one day and leaving but saw they left their samoyed leashed up outside.

He wanted to hold out hope that they were just going out somewhere for a bit so waited the rest of the night but found the dog still chained up the next morning in the rain.

He was never close to his neighbors and didn’t want any confrontation so he went up and knocked on the door, checking if anyone was home.

No surprise, they weren’t so he cautiously made his way over to the dog.

It was so happy to see someone and started licking his hand right away.

He unchained the dog and led it into his house where he gave it a nice warm bath and some food.

While bathing her, he took off her collar, with the neighbor’s number and address engraved in it along with her name, Mavis.

While Mavis was eating he called the number he found on her tag. He explained that the dog looked like it was left there on purpose so he took it in until they got home. They just said they didn’t want her anymore and hung up, which broke Bertholdt’s heart.

So he took her to the vet, got some pet things because he hasn’t owned a pet previously and she became a big part of his life.

She clings to him everywhere and won’t ever leave his side. Almost never barks and is super good on a leash.

Bertholdt takes her to the dog park a lot, Mavis is very social and has made a lot of friends there.

Mavis has quite the habit of rolling around in the mud or dirt though so Bertholdt has to give her a bath quite often.

Bertholdt absolutely cannot contain the dog hair. There is so much of it and it’s everywhere, went through like 3 lint rollers in the first week.

He spoils her rotten. Whenever he goes shopping he gets her new treats and toys because he swore to do right by her when her old owners didn’t.

If you were brought into the equation, Mavis would love you unconditionally. She’ll be there to give you high-fives and cuddle with you.

She is the softest thing on the planet so the cuddles are amazing. If you and Bertholdt sleep together, she’ll plop herself right in between the both of you so she could get attention until you fall asleep.

Whenever she needs something but isn’t up, she licks your face until you give her what she wants.

Even though she can get quite hot in the summer, she always wants to cuddle and loves to do it, whether it’s with you or Bertholdt.

💛 Annie (normally I don’t write for her but I couldn’t get this scenario out of my head)

Hitch gave her a chihuahua for her birthday even though she never remotely hinted at wanting a dog.

She didn’t want to return it though and oddly liked it, even though she never asked for him.

Just calls him “Dog” for a bit since she doesn’t know what to name him.

He’s a tan deer head dog so Annie gives him the name “Biscuit” after a couple weeks.

It’s super generic but she doesn’t think he needs any fancy name and he looks like a biscuit so 🤷🏻‍♀️

She has one of the backpacks with a compartment to fit a dog.

She likes to put Biscuit in there and take him out when she goes out.

When Annie takes him out, Biscuit is usually pretty chill, aside from giving a couple glares to random people.

Sometimes he even falls asleep in her backpack.

Whenever someone pisses Annie off, Biscuit senses it. Annie isn’t usually one to get into a full-blow fight and be loud, so Biscuit is her volume. Whenever she starts going off, he starts growling and barking.

And when she does get loud, both of them are yelling and screaming so that often deters the other person.

When she first got Biscuit, Annie didn’t really pay that much attention to him. She’d be on the couch and whenever he came up to her with a ball or toy, she’d throw it.

Then as she started to get used to him, she started to like him more.

Nowadays, she sometimes chases him around the house with a smile on her face and it’s so adorable, especially because she doesn’t smile all too often.

Biscuit is relatively calm, even for a chihuahua. He can often be seen on the couch on his back with his tongue out laying in the sun.

Speaking of being on the couch, originally Annie wanted to keep him off all furniture but soon realized he simply wouldn’t stay off and she didn’t want to bother to train him not to.

Now, they share almost everything. She sleeps with him next to her, they relax on the couch together, and sometimes she even brings him up on one of the kitchen chairs and they share food together.

Biscuit hates her alarm clock with a passion. If Annie doesn’t wake up from the alarm, she wakes up from the high pitched barks of her dog wanting her to turn it off.

Once the two are close, they are bonded for life and can be seen everywhere together.