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obxfishon · 4 years ago

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You’re Such A

JJ x Reader (and some rafe x reader in a very ex relationship way)

Description: Fic based off the song “You’re Such A” by Hailee Steinfeld, like literally some of the lines are straight out of the song lol. It’s such a banger, give it a listen while you read :)

Word Count: 1.7K

“Hello?” you answered your phone, smiling at the following words.

“Hey pretty lady,” JJ quipped, a grin evident in his voice.

You two weren’t dating, at least you didn’t think, you haven’t really discussed what you were due to you just exiting a relationship, but whatever it was you enjoyed it. He was always there, whether it was to surf a wave or to offer a reassuring hug, he was your person.

“What are you up to? We’re thinking of doing a movie night at John B’s place, you in?”��

“Yeah sure, I just got home so let me change and I’ll head that way.” You replied, excited to see him, and the rest of the gang, but especially him.

It had been a long day at work, you had some prissy kook “accidentally” spill her lemonade all over you and then didn’t have time to change. The country club paid well, but sometimes you worried if dealing with the spoiled brats was worth it.

“Alrighty, see ya soon!” JJ hung up after and you rushed to change and start your walk to Johns.

---

You were only about another five minute walk away when you heard a car engine nearing, so you stepped off to the side of the road to let them pass, but it never came.

Confused, you turned your head to see where the car went, and groaned when you saw Rafe getting out of his car and running up to meet you.

“(y/n)! Hey, you haven’t been answering my calls, where have you been?” He scrambled to match your pace, now quickening it to get to the house sooner.

“I’ve seen your voicemails Rafe, I’ve just chosen to ignore them.” You snapped back.

You weren’t sure how it happened, but you and Rafe had dated for six months before you ended things suddenly a month ago. You had caught him cheating on you, but slipped away before he saw, and you still hadn’t given him a reason for ending things. He didn’t know that you knew, no one did, you hadn’t even told the gang, not that they asked, they never liked him so they were just glad you had come to your senses.

To be fair, Rafe was a decent person when you met him. You were working at the country club when some girl was yelling at you for the salad dressing she had received. Apparently she asked for non-fat and she could “taste the fat in the ranch” that topped her salad. He had seen your stress and calmed the girl down for you, not caring about the fact that you were a Pogue. You found that as odd, but for some reason he fell for you and you did the same. You had thought you might even be in love before you caught him. But that was all in the past now.

Stepping into John B’s driveway you almost relaxed before you felt Rafe grab your wrist to turn you to look at him.

“(Y/n), please. I don’t even know what I did wrong, I just know I miss you, I miss us.” He looked sad, and you felt your heart string pull for him, but as quick as it appeared they vanished, images of what you saw still burned in your brain.

“Let go Rafe,” You muttered, trying not to cause a scene, but ripped away from him and started back towards the destination.

“I love you!” He called, loudly, stopping you in your tracks, and causing the Pogues to come out of the house.

You didn’t turn towards him, frozen in place, anger building with each step he took towards you.

“(Y/n), I love you,” He said again, at a lower tone, now aware that you two had an audience.

Not being able to contain yourself you turned to him and replied.

“You had your chance Rafe, you had it and you blew it. And, geez the more you open your mouth, the more you try to pull me back in, you just prove it to me. You’re not worth my time,” You glared at him and turned away again, he tried to grab your shoulder but you shrugged it off and raised your voice again.

“What, did you think that I would let you crawl right back into my bedroom? After all we’ve been through,” you paused, taking a deep breath, “I know the truth.” You spat.

You knew that your friends were watching, but they knew better than to interfere.

“Truth? Truth about what?” Rafe tried to fein confusion.

“I saw you that night Rafe! I don’t know who the hell she was, but you two seemed to know each other plenty well, at least that's what I got from seeing your tongue down her throat.” Your words were like a slap to the face, he finally knew he was caught.

You heard one of the girls gasp, but you ignored it, it felt so good to finally get this off your chest, so you continued.

“You can try to put this all back together, but it’s beyond repair. I’m doing so much better without you.” You rolled your eyes.

“(Y/n), I-I don’t,” Rafe tried to find a lie, but he knew he was finished.

“You can take your lies to the next girlfriend, because I really, really don’t want to hear this anymore.” You looked in his eyes and saw a sadness you weren’t expecting, but he quickly changed his tone and spoke.

“Whatever, you’ll come around eventually,” He went to walk away but you decided to finish this, once and for all.

“Rafe,” you smiled as he turned back to you. Walking up to him you placed a hand on his cheek.

“If you are the only thing left when the world ends, I still would walk away,” you crinkle your nose, give his cheek a little pat and turn towards your friends, he hated not having the last words, but there wasn’t anything else for him to say.

Your friends all had shocked looks on their faces, you had always been quiet and reserved, this was totally out of character for you.

Making eye contact with JJ, you smiled, and he returned it.

“Damn, didn’t know you had that in you princess.” His approval was evident in his voice.

“(Y/n), I am so so so sorry, I had no idea that my brother did that to you,” Sarah looked like she was about to cry.

She moved towards you and wrapped her arms around you, trying to apologize for her brother.

“Hey, Sarah, don’t worry it’s not like you could have done anything. He’s his own person, and I saw who he really was and knew it wouldn’t work out.” You shrugged it off, you really did feel better about the situation now. Having a month to cope and an amazing group of people around you made things easier.

“So, what movie are we watching?” You broke the awkwardness that seemed to be lingering in the air. Everyone started talking to each other again and moved towards the house when you felt JJ lace his finger through yours and pull you aside a bit.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” he pushed a hair behind your ear, the small gesture making your head spin.

“He said he still loved you,” JJ looked down towards his feet, then back up to your eyes, “do, uh do you…” he didn’t want to say the words, but you knew what he was getting at.

“I’m not really sure I ever did, I loved the idea of him, someone who would get me pretty things, someone who would be there to defend me, but that's not loving the person.” You shrugged.

What you didn’t realize was that your words worried him more than he realized.

“Look, (y/n), I care about you, alot. I may not be able to buy you expensive things, but I will always be there, and I don’t ever want to see you hurt. When I heard the pain in your voice when you were talking to him, I just wanted to go hold you, show you how you should be treated. You are worth so much, and I just want to be the one who does all that.” He finished and pulled you into a tight embrace.

You didn’t have to respond with words, you squeezing him to you showed him that you cared as well, and neither of you wanted to let go.

---

A few days later you were laying out on the boat while the boys fished, and Kie was swimming on the other side with Sarah.

A shadow fell over you and you opened your eyes to see JJ looking at you with a goofy grin taking over his face.

“Oh geez, JJ what did you do,” you smile sitting up, him taking a seat next to you.

“So, the other day I told you that I didn’t have the money to buy you pretty things,” you frowned, he knew you didn’t expect that of him, “so I still don’t have that money, but what I do have is time, and with the help of an eight year old that saw me struggling, I made you this!” He revealed a little string bracelet, completed with two small square beads that had a ‘J’ on them.

He was so proud of himself, holding the small creation in his hands searching your face for your reaction.

As soon as he had pulled it out of his pocket you felt small tears prick behind your eyelids.

“Oh my gosh, JJ this is the best thing that anyone has ever gotten me!” you smile at him, a small tear escaping, him quickly wiping it away.

“J, no one has ever done anything so thoughtful for me, I love it, here tie it on!” you exclaim holding out your wrist for him to add it to your empty wrist.

After it was tied on you held your wrist out to examine it, “it’s perfect.” you turned to him and saw that he was already looking at you.

Without realizing it you both started leaning in and he captured your lips with his. Backing away after the short but wonderful kiss, he opened his eyes and looked at you.

“Perfect bracelet for the perfect girl.”

Nothing could wipe the smile off your face.

#jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj imagine #jj x reader #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #outer banks imagine #obx fanfiction #obx imagine #obxstuff #rafe cameron #youre such a #song fic

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oh-theatre · 5 years ago

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Objection!: Chapter 23

Chapter title: Do You Love Me?

A/n: EYYYY GUESS WHOS BACK!! I worked very hard on this chapter and even though it sucks I hope you enjoy! Alot was revelaed and happened so ooOoOo things are getting back and YALL ARE NOT PREPARED FOR WHATS COMING! ANYWAY ENJOY A BAD CHAPTER!

(ok its unedited because my stuff isnt working so ill fix anything thats wrong later)

lmaooo can you say bad ™

First | Previous | Next

words: 5083

summary: Logan has a proposition and Patton receives information

pairings: logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, crime scene, murder, gun mention, guns, swearing, abuse, graphic descriptions, alcohol, hinted/almost abuse

Ao3 Link

“Ok careful Remus, hes just a little baby” Patton cautions, holding carefully to his more than excited son. Remus bounces as Damian takes his turn first, his own father seating him gently on the couch as Emile watches Thomas softly.

“Ready?” Virgil sits next to his child, rubbing his back soothingly as a small nervous ball grows in Damian. He nods biting his lower lip, Emile moves closer, with a quick affirmation from Virgil, he places Thomas into Damians arms. “Dee, this is Thomas” Virgil supports the small boy, holding Thomas steady.

“Hello Thomas” Damian smiles shyly, Virgil looks up quickly hoping his tears will halt in their own. “My names Damian” He puts his hand out, watching as Thomas wraps his intrigued fingers around Damians. A sweet giggle as the pair interact. “Papi look” His eyes alight as Thomas only laughs further.

“Mmhm” He responds, Patton gives hims a soft squeeze on the shoulders, noting the glazed eyes Virgil retains. Remus tugs on his father, his eyes wide with anticipation.

“My turn papa! My turn!” Valerie whines, the group chuckles as a tender connection of mystery between Damian and the baby is broken. Remy nods content, taking Thomas from Damians hold. He and his father move away making room for Patton and the twins, both bouncing with excitement.

“Ok, remember what I told you, gentle right?” Patton tries once more, Remus and Valerie nod a sudden calm flooding them. Remy cradles Thomas into Patton's arms first, securing the child safely. “Remus, Valerie...this is Thomas” He introduces, Valerie leans over a bit, waving with delight as the baby giggles. Remus shys away, picking at the ends of his shirt. Logan cocks his head allowing Patton to meet his eyes. “Crabcake? Wanna say hi to Thomas?”

“I don't wanna” He mumbles, Patton looks to Logan a quick understanding as Thomas is placed in the lawyers arms. Valerie continues her meeting, trying and succeeding to make the baby laugh. Remus pouts hopping off the couch, retreating into his room. Emile and Remy share a glance, before Patton himself makes a quick exit.

“Mind if I join you?” He knocks, a sullen Remus sits on his bed, tracing the outlines of animals on his covers. He shrugs giving Patton permission. Patton takes his son, placing him on his lap sweetly, wrapping him up. “Penny for your thoughts?” He jokes, Remus fights a smile. Patton hums ever so gently, swaying his son slightly.

“I'm scared” Remus admits, his pout continues. Patton adjusts so he can see Remus’s face, brushing fallen hair away. He waits for more, knowing that he needn't push. “I don't wanna break him” The child's voice is so soft, barely audible as it's muffled by insecurity. “He's just a little baby” Remus cries, Patton wastes no time securing tighter, rubs of comfort are administered.

“Shh, Remus its ok…” Patton soothes, the boy shakes his head, crying into his dad. He watches as his son picks once more at the edges of his shirt, after a few tries he notices a forming routine. “Kiddo breathe” He shows Remus how to do so, a simple method. “You're not gonna break him, I promise” Patton takes a tissue, patting Remus’s face delicately, drying away his doubts. “Babies are strong, and even then I'm gonna be right there” Remus leans into Patton, sighing shakily, a blubber of tears swelling.

“P-promise?” Remus asks, Patton places a loving kiss through his hair, nodding as he returns a sweet embrace.

“Promise” He assures. With that, the pair give themselves a few moments to reboot, preparing for their re-entry into the living room. Logan still holds Thomas as Valerie plays excited with him, Damian watches from afar, the smallest of smiles. “Come on” Patton encourages, Remus takes his spot next to Logan, before a moment of hesitation, he holds Thomas in his arms. Logan and Patton on either side.

“He's smiling!” Remus laughs, a mischievous grin upon Thomas’s face as he pokes and prods at Remus. “He tickles” Remus giggles, Emile and Remy smile soon joined by the rest. Patton nods, another kiss to his son's forehead as he eases into Thomas. “You're my friend now” He proposes, Thomas claps ecstatic. Virgil replaces Logan and Patton, surrounded by eager children, the lawyers meet in the kitchen.

“Everything alright?” Logan wonders, filling the kettle with water, preparing two cups. Patton takes two packets from the cupboard, handing the tea to Logan as they dance around each other. “Fruit or chamomile?” Logan questions

“Fruit please” Patton replies, taking the honey from the shelf, barely reaching. An eruption of giggles and laughter from the room distracting them momentarily. “I'm not sure” Patton admits, watching the twins from the opening, leaning over a bit, resting himself. Remus switches through fast faces, as if Valerie were clicking away the channels. “I'm just worried about Remus” Patton laments, Logan finishes his duties, pouring an even amount into the prepared devices. Placing a cup in front of Patton, he places his free hand over Pattons, squeezing it.

“Anything I could do to assist you?” Logan offers, Patton lets out a weak chuckle. He turns to the lawyer, scanning his features, noting the emerging blush as it comes. A sudden impulse to go forward halted by his own resilience to shatter anything. Luckily, or not, his phone offers the perfect excuse. Returning the squeeze, he takes the call out of earshot.

“Patt-” He begins

“I think by now we’re well acquainted, would you agree mister Hart?” The voice, though crackled through the phone, leaves no tone of fear behind. Patton takes a quick glance behind him, steadying his heart at the sight of a calm Logan.

“Who are you?” He begs, a sharp whisper. A toxic laugh comes through, only more painful through the static. He feels the room around him slow as he fastens, every inch of his body vibrating quickly, what was going on.

“I truly recommend you dont waste any more moments mister Hart, it would be a shame to see you go without a proper send off” And soon the noise Patton had come to dread, the line goes out, as Patton's mind only runs further.

~~~

“Holy shit, Tolentinos a romantic” Virgil teases, Patton nudges him hiding his dusted cheeks. “Hey if it doesn't work, mind if I…” he raises an eyebrow “Ya know” Patton groans, rolling his playful eyes.

“Walking away now” he decides, Virgil cackles but catches up nonetheless. He links his arms with his friend, striding they fall into a gentle routine. “It was...sweet” Patton hazes, his mind returning to that fateful evening, the stars had never looked so prominent as they flashed only hope into him.

“I'm only teasing, but uh...I think Roman might have some competition” A shared laugh, Patton shakes his head. The leaving winds of January hit them as they walk through the courtyard, the fountains soft spritz as it tries to fight the cold. A tight flutter to the chest as Patton eyes fall on someone waiting by the coffee cart, standing idle as he observes the world. Virgil coughs noticing the clear distraction. “Come on” He drags Patton over, watching as both their faces light up.

“Patton, good morning” Logan greets, a gentle glance to Virgil before he places a soft kiss on Patton's cheek. A soothing touch to Pattons arms. Virgil nods, happy for the long hidden smile on Patton's face. “Virgil, how are you?” Looking between the pair the detective smirks.

“Better” He admits, Patton gives a light squeeze.

“A very good morning to you all!” Roman gallants, nudging each of them. Patton gives a confused greeting back, Logan simply grunts. Roman bobs his head, none of them dare amuse his excitements, too early for the judges typical performances. Not that they didn't enjoy it dearly, but there was a time and place for such things. An impatient Virgil cant take his incessant tappings, giving into the trap.

“What's got you so excited Ro?” Virgil groans, taking his coffee, paying the amount needed. Romans eyebrows bounce, an unamused Virgil flicks him. Patton feels his hands quickly warm, looking to a more than confident Logan as he interlaces their fingers. “Walk with me Ro” Virgil decides, hoping to give the flustered lawyers a moment.

“Ten bucks he looked up how to be a romantic and good boyfriend” Roman whispers once there is distance between them, Virgil laughs but takes Romans extended hand shaking it.

“You're so on Reial” Virgil agrees, the pair disappearing into the safe haven of the courthouse. Patton watches the pair wistfully, shaking his head at their antics whatever they may be. Logan finishes his beverage, handing a prepared one to Patton.

“Well thank you!” Patton takes a sip, an instant calm seeps into him. “Logan-” He begins, his tone changes, pivoting from his cheerful delight, looking forward to his day must come later.

“We should talk, about what exactly this relationship is” Logan deems, Patton bites his lower lip nodding. “Boyfriend feels too casual” Patton supposes he agrees, not sure where the conversation will take them. “Partner?”

“In crime?” Patton jokes, he shakes an apology “You know you're not just...getting me? You get into this, you get the twins too” Patton reminds, Logan remains unphased “It won't just be fun Logan coming over, getting to see them in their happiest of states”

“Give me a trial run” Logan blurts, Patton coughs on his drink. “You have the charity dinner tonight, I presume Virgil was going to watch the twins, let me” He rambles, excited, almost a spark surrounds his feet. “We both know how long those dinners go”

“Lo...are you sure?” Patton doesnt want something to change, a quick turn and Logan could be out of it his life for good, even the thought shakes Patton, consuming his dark mind.

“Positively” Logan stands firm, his fingers still in Pattons, his heart matching Patton's steady beat. Neither had been so sure of something. Patton leans over, a soft kiss to Logans cheek. “Is that a yes”

“You break em, you buy me new ones” he teases “But yes” Logan goes to speak but Pattons not finished, his quick eyes stopping the lawyer “Lo, those kids are my life. They are my first priority always, I love them so much…”

“I wouldn't want it any other way” Logan sighs, Pattons lips ease into a gentle smile. “Tonight, Ill pick them up from daycare and go from there” He hopes, Patton squeezes reassuringly, his own nerves washing away.

“Mister Hart there you are!” The lawyers turn, a resumed Haley approaches. “Mister Tolentino” She greets, Logan nods back.

“Captain, is everything alright?” Patton inquires, watching as Remy and Virgil reappear closing in. “Guys?” Remy and Virgil share a worried glance, reading each other's expression. A tightened grip to Logans hand as Haley begins.

“The case is reopening” She breathes, Pattons eyes grow wide “George isn't guilty...you were right” She continues but Patton can't hear, the wind swirling around him as his body falls light. No roots planted, he could float away riding a stream of his thoughts and fears. His doubts capturing him as they consume, the only thing he can feel his Logans hand in his own.

Not guilty?

I was...right?

“Stop!” He exclaims, sporadically putting distance between him and the group. Logan instantly misses his hold, a chilling absent on his hand. Virgil and Remy remain grounded, both simply anticipating. “Enough, enough with the back and forth. This is not a TV drama, this is a courthouse, there are peoples lives at stake. Children and families are involved. This is not a game, you need to be sure that the words you speak at this moment are as true as gospel” Patton's voice is deep, completely even as it shoots at Haley. “So captain, what is it?” Logan turns expectant to Haley, extremely impressed with Patton.

“Mister Hart...I am completely sure” Haley confirms “Under accounts, undeniable evidnce and overwhelming arguments also compelling, George W. Hoff…” Patton sucks in sharply, the room awaits those simple words. “Is the furthest thing from guilty” a shaky breath and an attempt to stop his tears...Patton was back.

~~~

“I want a meeting with the client and his family, I want to speak to Carlton, retrieve any previous files from the case and the existing ones” A frantic assistant does her best to keep up, following Patton as they tread through the courthouse. Logan follows calmly, trying hard to hide his smirk. “Also get me any files on detective Carltons work at the precinct since he was hired. I want to know the man so well we might as well be married” A quick chuckle from Logan catching the lawyers attention, he blushes his returns but they share that moment.

“Is that all?” She breathes as they pause in front of Patton's office. He softens pulling out his wallet.

“No, go grab some food Willow” he requests, she smiles relieved. “Thank you for everything, truly” He gives her some cash, a prideful grin before she nods walking away. “Sweet kid” Patton watches her go, a familiar fondness for the young dreamer, even though she was twenty four. He walks into his office, promptly followed by Logan.

“In all honesty, that was very attractive” Logan sits, continuing his light skimming of files. Patton lets out a nervous laugh, hiding his reddened cheeks. “Apologies” Logan whispers, Patton shakes his head

“No no it's fine, I'm flattered just…” He tilts his head, he's not sure what really. “I don't know” He laughs, Logan gives an uneasy smile but shrugs. “Hmm...Diana Bernard?” Patton reads “She's playing the prosecution” He informs, Logan registers a thoughtful glance. He awes as he reads her transcript “Woah she's young, twenty five years old, graduated- hey! Harvard law.” He beams, Logan finds himself intrigued. How different their reactions to the competition are. “Seems like it's going to be quite interesting!” He takes a second examining Logan's face “I'm sorry...I shouldn't be...rubbing this in your face”

“Patton, as I have told you a million times. I am fine, I chose not to rejoin the case, I don't believe in my argument anymore. It would be a waste of my time and a fight.” He lays it out, Patton moves to his side after straightening his files, a quick peck to Logans cheek before he leaves his office.

“You're never gonna get used to that” Virgil plops himself into Pattons chair, Logan leans forward, deciding to play along to the sentiment “The casual-ness of it all, soon enough it'll become routine. Hand holding, quick kisses, prolonged moments of touching, you'll literally just be inseparable”

“You make it sound like its a bad thing” Logan deciphers quickly, almost wanting Virgil to go on. Virgil chuckles through a scoff, tapping the desk, a melody emerging.

“So you're not rejoining the case?” Virgil questions, bored by the topic wishing for a pulse in his interest. Logan, bored by the same question, changes it himself.

“What do you think about James and Roman?” He pushes, Virgil sighs his memories quickly showing that of which he knows. “No I'm genuinely curious, they moved quite fast”

“Romans happy, and I think that's really all that's important” Virgl yawns, laying his head fully on the wooden desk, the cool touch calming him. “What about you and Patton? Things seem to be going really well” He mumbles, Logan almost has trouble hearing him. “He seems really happy, and you do too” Virgil notes

“I am, and I just hope tonight goes smoothly” He sighs, virgil sits up raising a frisky eyebrow “Virgil, no” Logan shuts it down instantly “Im taking the children tonight, and frankly I am quite nervous” He whispers to himself

“Hey L! Thats a big step, I know Patton he doesn't just leave his kid with anyone” Virgil nods, a gleam to his words

“Yes, and after tonight he wont be leaving me with them again” Logan laments, Virgil tilts his head. “He made a very good point, I don't know the first thing about raising children. Yes, Ive seen it done, Ive been a child and been around children. But he is correct, there is a difference between seeing them at their happiest as opposed to raising them” Logan inhales sharply, Virgil takes his hand squeezing.

“Come back to me Logan” Virgil requests, remembering Patton's own grounding methods. “Ill help you, grab a notepad, class is in session” Virgil quips, a smirk upon his determined face. After an unsure moment Logan nods, falling under the complete control of the detective. The evening goes by quickly, Virgil goes through everything he can. The basics first, then he specifies more towards his own experiences with the twins and what they need. “Ok ready? Your very first test” Logan swallows but allows Virgil to continue “First thing you do?”

“Check that the car seats are stable, then check in at the reception” He taps his foot, adjusting his tie, wanting room to breathe “Before we leave I need to make sure that they both have everything, not forgetting anything”

“You're in the car, now what?” Virgil presses, checking off a few things as Logan goes through everything.

“I secure both of them, Valerie will insist she knows how to do it but I have to check her seat” Logan chuckles, Virgil looks to his own notes, a pursed smile. I didn't tell him that… “Then we drive home, after a final check, especially Remus he gets nervous in cars” Virgil just listens, once he gets going Logans a natural

“Youve arrived home, its four pm” Virgil proposes

“Ill arrange them some healthy snacks while they watch cartoons” Logan tries not to smile, reminiscing on his cooking lesson with the pair. “Then I will help them with any work they have, Valerie will work alone and come to me if she has questions. I have to...work carefully with Remus, he gets frustrated easily” Logan rambles, Virgil barely keeps up

“L, you know these kids..” Virgil interjects, Logans eyes widen softly. “Whats next?”

“They will have around an hour of free playtime while I prepare supper, Remus will sometimes offer to help and Valerie will be outside” He rubs roughly against his forehead “Supper will commence and then I will help get them ready for the night. Remus insists on taking a bath, while Valerie enjoys a shower. They don't need help, unless specified?” He checks, Virgil nods

“Ok, everyones ready for bed, they've eaten and done their work, its six or seven...what now?” Virgil leans forward, knowing Patton has the same thing for Damian.

“They usually decide to do something fun, giving me a moment to work if I need to. Or they will want to do something with me- er Patton…” Logan rubs his tired eyes, his mind pulsing “At eight they must be in bed, they will receive a bedtime story and final requests such as water. Then by eight thirty its lights out, except their nightlight” He yawns, the idea of rest calling to him

“Everyones in bed, final steps” Virgil teases

“Well this is more loose, usually cleaning, work or relaxing time. But once I choose to retreat to my bed for the night I must check on the twins at least twice” Logan aces his final words, before Virgil can congratulate the lawyer, Logan gains a slow smile “Im ready...Im going to be ok”

~~~

“You're really ok with me doing the ‘Alphabet Murders’ case?” James inquires, stabbing his salad again. Roman swallows his own food, nodding annoyed.

“Yes, I'm totally okay with it” Roman repeats “As I have told you a million times” James chuckles, taking his hand across the desk. “Sorry Im just...antsy” He rubs his hand back, finding comfort tracing the sweet pristine lines of James’s hand

“I heard, big meeting tomorrow” James smiles, Roman averts his gaze, feeling just slightly out of place. Here is someone who understands him, so well and yet… “You'll do great, just be you, you know what you're doing” James comforts, its true, Roman knows exactly what he’s doing. If anything, they should be nervous of him. “Wanna go over anything?”

“No I think Im good, just gotta...take a deep breath-”

“Take it all in, feel all those halogens warming your skin” Patton finishes creaking into the office. Roman laughs, James stands shaking Patton's hand. He moves to Romans side as Patton takes a seat. Soon after another body enters the room.

“Diana Bernard” She introduces, extending a hand towards Patton. He shakes it with a cheery smile. “Damn, you're nice, gonna be hard to hate you in court” She jokes, Patton chuckles sitting down as she does the same.

“Shame” He shakes his head, a playful sigh. “Patton Hart by the way” He adds, She smiles.

“Alright lets get started, you both know why you're here” Roman claps, James skims through some files, tuning himself out of the conversation. “As you know, you'll both be on the ‘Alphabet Murders’ case. Mister Sanders you will continue representing the defense” Patton nods in confirmation “And miss Bernard you will be representing the prosecution”

“That is correct” She smirks, Patton glances her way, a deep breath. “I believe you will be serving as the judge?” She asks, Roman raises his brows with a smile.

“No actually, thats why I called you in here” Roman gestures to James, the judge puts down his reading and faces the pair “James McCoy will be replacing me in this position” Patton coughs but scribbles down some things. “I assume that won't be...an issue?” He checks, Diana holds her head up high shaking it. Patton smiles, Roman snaps complete. “Great! James would like your evidence and anything from the previous case and new information by the end of tomorrow”

“Will do” Patton assures

“Perfect” Roman sighs “Youre both excused, thank you” With a quick dismissal, the pair make their way out of the office leaving a curt Roman. “Mm” He mumbles, James leans over taking his hand.

“You alright?” He wonders, Roman feels a rapid heat to his face, his heart skips only a moment. He turns to James kissing his cheek softly.

“Yeah, I actually am” He releases an amused breath, another kiss to James “Thank you” James shrugs but stands, one final look at Roman before he leaves the judge to smile in his happy thoughts. This moment, unbeknownst to Roman, would soon be over with a short yet filled text.

~~~

“Are you sure you can do this Liam?” Patton questions rushing to pack his things, the sound of the twins calling to him plunging a deep pain into his heart. “Liam!” Patton exclaims, his partner looks from the couch grumbling.

“What?” He groans, Patton pouts but keeps his breathing steady.

“The kids cupcake” Patton reminds, Liam rolls his eyes waving him off. He bites his quivering lip as the children only continue their wails. He drops his things rushing to their cribs, holding them quickly in his arms. Bobbing softly, humming a gentle tune as they calm themselves. “Sh, its alright my little angels” He assures, kissing them each softly on the head

“Theres a-” Liam interjects, burping through his pause “Car waiting for you out front” He informs. Patton sighs nodding, one more check on his children before putting them back into their crib.

“Schedules on the fridge, just make sure they eat and drink, then just if they start to cry-” He snaps in front of Liams un-observant eyes “Read or sing to them, rock them back and forth, ok?” Liam yawns “Liam, I need you to pay attention ok?” He panics, his throat clawing desperately as it tries to keep stable

“Its not that hard, I can take care of two kids for the night” Liam's voice only deepens, his aggravation clear.”Just go..ugh. And pick up another case of beer on the way home” He requests, already retreating to the couch.

“Our kids!” He corrects, his brows furrowed, his eyes shine with tears.

“Don't get emotional Patton” Liam warns, turning to the lawyer. “We wouldn't want anything bad to happen now would we?” His thin lips scowl, Pattons anger quickly turns to fear as his eyes dart to the door. “You know, I think youve been a little bit bossy tonight” Liam taps a mocking finger to his chin

“I'm sorry, just...take care of them ok?” Patton barely whispers, his body recoiling. Liam grunts, nudging Patton back a bit. “Liam please, not tonight, I have to go” Patton begs, feeling small once more. Liam scoffs, pushing harder once more, clearly wanting to go further. But alas, a knock on the door, grasping both of their attention.

“Patton? Are you ready to go?” Logans voice breaches Patton's mind, the dark clears out as the room returns to normal. “Patton?” An involuntary squeal escapes, somehow Logan hears it “Are you alright? Is he hurting you?” Logan knocks again, Liam clutches his jaw together, forcing Patton to straighten his posture.

“Go get the door, say nothing, got it?” Liam commands, Patton nods rushing. Using the ends of his perfectly pampered suit to wipe away any remains of his tears.

“Heya Lo!” He greets, a genuine smile across his face as his eyes land on his fellow lawyer. Logan makes an uneasy glance towards Liam who turns towards the kitchen, a concerned hand is taken between the lawyers.

“Are you alright?” He whispers, Patton squeezes Logans careful hand. “Patton?” The lawyer nods, closing his eyes as he confirms his lie.

“We should go!” Patton resets, his entire body depleting any previous feelings. Logan, though still wary, felt it best to get Patton away. So they set off.

~~~

“Remus come on, its dinner time” Logan asks once more, the boy grumbles but kicks the ground as he stumbles towards the lawyer. He lifts him up, placing him delicately into his chair next to Valerie. Once they are settled he serves them his homemade meal. A delicious mac and cheese, a side of sauteed broccoli and fresh juice. Not that they would ever know what that meant.

“Mac and cheese!” They cheer together, delighted laughs, Logan takes this as his chefs praise.

“Bon appetit!” He gleams, shaking his head instantly.

“Bone apple teeth?” Valerie questions, Logan chuckles stroking her head. She cocks her head, Remus begins digging in.

“Close enough Val” He assures, as they eat away, talking through full mouths of gooey delight, Logan moves to t he kitchen. Washing away slowly at the dishes, watching the twins. The night moves on quickly, once their food is finished Logan assists the children get ready for the evening. A very messy bubble bath with Remus and a long shower for Valerie and the twins are cosy in their pajamas. Relaxing, cuddled onto Logan as they prepare to watch a fun movie.

“I wanna watch ‘Chowder’!” Remus insists, poking excited at Logans face. Valerie yawns leaning her head on Logans lap.

“Not a movie stupid” She comments, Logan situates them both carefully. “Sleepy” She pouts in his face, he kneels in front of them on the floor.

“No name calling Valerie” He reminds with a calm tone “And Remus, we should watch something everyone will enjoy ok?” He suggests, they share a glance but nod. Soon enough the trio decide to watch ‘Coco’ and settle in with some snacks. Though a very amazing movie, and enjoyable, the twins fall asleep fast. Valerie takes her stride moving to her room almost instantly. Wishing a sweet goodnight to Logan.

“Nighty night” She places a kiss on his cheek, standing on the soft couch as she clutches to her stuffed animal. After a quick hop, she disappears into her room. Remus fights a little longer, kicking and moaning everytime Logan offers he give in for the night. Alas, the small boy had a long day and couldn't hold out much longer, soon enough his head falls into Logan as he shuts off. Clearly dreaming away, the sweet adventure of his mind running. Logan finds his own self falling to the mercy of the night, his own mind resting. Even through some trial, Remus waking every so often, Logan finds a way.

“Thats wha- oh!” Patton quiets instantly as he steps into his warm home. He closes the door ever so softly behind him, holding the phone to his ear. “Virge I gotta go, ill talk to you later”

Patton tries not to ‘aw’ audibly as his breath disappears. His eyes falling onto a sleeping Logan, protecting Remus with his arms. He sets his things down, putting away all his necessary items before moving towards the couch. He strokes away Logans loose hair, kissing his forehead softly, Logan stirs awake. A confused blink of his eyes as he wakes to a smiling Patton.

“Oh” He yawns, adjusting so he can face Patton. “Guten morgen” He greets, his mind still fuzzled. Patton chuckles leaning himself on the couch. Logan leans in kissing him, pulling away with a sleepy smile.

“I think its time for you to sleep, come on” He gestures, Logan takes a still snoring Remus in his arms but follows Patton to the hallway. They stop in front of the twins room, Patton takes Logans yawning cheek. “Thank you Lo, for everything”

“No need to thank me, I love your children. They're wonderful and creative and kind and-” He pauses, stifling yet another yawn. Patton chuckles. “Oh, Remus was having trouble sleeping, so I suggest maybe he stay in your room for the evening” Logan proposes, Pattons heart takes control, breaking through any grounding he set up. He leans in kissing Logan, not wanting to pull away from the perfect fit.

“I love you” He promises, even after the silence, he still smiles. Whether or not the feeling was returned, he knew it was real, there, true and...happy.

“I love you too” Logan admits, even though a question in his mind, the answer fell out instead. Patton purses a squealing smile. Before they can make any sudden movements, Remus coughs on Logans shoulder, sitting up.

“I love you too!” He cheers before his head promptly falls asleep once more in the comfort of Logans arms. Shared laughter before the night concludes. Each person falling asleep with a complete sensation of joy. Even Patton forgets a threatening call he received earlier.

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littlemisssquiggles · 5 years ago

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Hi there Miss Squiggles! Lately I’ve been looking through the amazing bouquet you and the gang have made together, and I kinda wish to add my own Rose, but I have a few questions: does the Rose’s name have to have some mention of roses and foxes, since there is the Remnant color-naming system, or is it just a name hearkening to a Rose? I was a bit unsure about that. Also love everything that you’re doing, you’re a huge inspiration to me!

‘Sup Beaver. Pleased to meet ya, fam.

The Roses in the Gardenof Roses are iterations of the Rose Fox Character which derived from a Pineheadheadcanon where OscarPine has another Rose in his life withwhom he shares a close-relationship with besides Ruby Rose (be in the past orpresently). Since the CRWBY have alluded to Oscar drawinginspiration from The LittlePrince, the RoseFox character is meant to embody both the Rose (or rather the Fake Rose as Miki-chan rightfully put it)and the Fox from the tale.

To explain, here is a description of themeaning behind the Rose FoxCharacter:

“…As most of us Rosegardening Pineheads haveinterpreted, aspects of The Little Prince story is being used to influenceOscar’s story. In the Little Prince, the Prince was in love with a Rose; asingle red rose that had blossomed on his home planet.

The Rose was very vain and made the Princebelieve that she was the only rose in existence but to the Prince’sdisappointment, he learns that the Rose had lied to him when he discoveredother roses during his travels off-world. This revelation greatly upsets thePrince.

However the Prince soon meets a wise red Fox.The Prince befriends this fox and it is through its teachings that the Princeultimately learns that his rose was his one true love. The only rose thatmattered to him because he loved her.

Rolling with this thought, I wanted to createa character that embodied the Fox from the Little Prince along with the lastingmessage he left on the Prince. But then I decided to take that concept a stepfurther by also having this character draw inspiration from the Rose from thestory as well.

As Pineheads, we all know that the Rose inOscar’s story—the one he is meant to fall in love with and be his one true Roseis of course going to be our silver eyed protagonist: Ruby Rose. As establishedby the series, Ruby and Oscar have grown close within the span of two seasonswith their relationship destined to blossom further going into the Atlas Arc.Whether that means a very trusting close friendship or a beautiful romance isat the call of the CRWBY Writers.

That being said, this squiggle meister wantedto toy with the idea of … what if …Oscar had another Rose in his life who he shared a strong connectionwith. It is this Rose who ends up challenging Ruby on her relationship andfeelings toward Oscar.

As the other Rose, this character provokesRuby as she is another person that Oscar is very close to, who he couldpotentially be love in love with even given their bond. However as the Fox,this character will not only help Oscar to see his true feelings but also Rubyas well. As a matter of fact, the true purpose of Rose Fox character is to aidboth our Rosebuds in realizing what they truly mean to one another…”

This is pretty much how the Garden blossomed.It is a multiverse of lovely RWBY original characters based around this type of character.To read up more on the origins of Rose FoxCharacter, check out this posthere. So to answer your questions:

Your Rosedoesn’t necessarily have to be named ‘Rose’or even have the name ‘Rose’ in theirname (for example: Miki’s Ianthe Regem) but to keep things cohesive, it would be great for them to have a name that at least alludesto the rose or a particular type of rose since this character is meant to be another Rose to Oscar in their story.

For example, in the case of my Rose, I namedher Rose, short for Rosaline, on purpose for the sake of her sharing the word Rose in her name with Ruby Rose. In the storyI created for my Rose in her universe, as the OtherRose she’s meant to be Ruby’srival—the one who challenges her on her feelingsand relationship with Oscar. She’s also another Rose for others to compare Rubyto (who wasn’t her mother Summer Rose) so having the two share that trait intheir name fit perfectly.

Your Rosehas to be a fox Faunus; as explained in thedescription of the Rose Fox Character. It doesn’t matter what kind of fox sheis (red, arctic, fennec, marble, grey, kit, etc), just so long as she’s a foxand her Faunus trait is entirely up to you. It could be her ears, tail, justclaws and fangs, etc.

Hope that provides you with the answers yourneed Beaver. Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I’m pleased to hearthat you’ve been enjoying all of the Garden content and find it inspirational. That means alot.

Honestly I can’t take all the credit. This multiverse wouldn’t be a multiverse without my Garden fam. It amazes and inspires me each time I see these awesome folks share their awesometastic Garden art and fanfics. Ly, Chels, Miki and now Nyka and Cloud have made this whole experience fun along with the interest and support from everyoneelse who have enjoyed our ideas and content thus far. It still kind of floors me to this day how far this has come from whereit all started. Hope the fun continues to runsmoothly and I’m eager to see what else blossoms from this RWBY multiverse ofours.

I hope you’ll have fun too Beavs once your Rosehas been born. Looking forward to meeting her and letting the other Roses meether too.

@lookyeekiti @che1sea-xiao-long @miki-13 @nykamito-x @cloudburst-paint-water

Meet Beaver-sen everyone and brace yourself m’friends, it appears a new Rose may be bloomingin the Garden soon. Our 7th Rose may be coming soon.

~LittleMissSquiggles(2019)

#squiggles answers: rwby #rwby: garden of roses #beaver-sen #squiggles answers

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nothing-but-kpop-dreams · 7 years ago

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A bit about us ^-^

Hello! We are Wishes In Writing! This blog has been around for about 7 months now.We all thought it was time to more or less introduce ourselves to you all that way there is a sense of a person behind the post.

Just because we are posting this, doesn’t mean we aren’t looking for new admins to join. If you would like to apply and try to be apart of this blog with us. Just go to this link and read up on how you can apply. :)

Admin Boat:

Hi! I am Admin Boat. I am the one who created this blog and I kinda worked solo on it until Satellite and Cloud joined me. Writing is a very new hobby to me. I never really wrote much until about two years ago. I decided to make this blog because with the new found love of writing. I wanted to make kpop scenarios and all that without congesting my already spam like main blog.

Now for the hard part… A bit about me: I am very much a plain Jane, vanilla flavored person . I am from Texas… I like to write (obviously) , i like watching tv and listening to music. So you know, i’m just like super basic in that sense. I love dogs. I am a pretty big nerd. A highlight of this was back in high school when a few acquaintances and I had a huge talk about different types of calculators…yeah that actually happened. ( i won’t say how long that conversation was because that will make it more embarrassing).

A more obvious thing about me is that i love kpop. I am a huge multifandom person. I have been into kpop for about 5 or 6 years now. I love groups like super junior, girls generation, f(x), big bang, bts, got7, shinee, block b, monsta x ,astro, exo, nuest, red velvet. …it would probably be easier for me to list the groups i am not a huge fan of. I just love all kpop. I try to support anyone and everyone as much as i can because all idols work so hard to do something they love. The only cool part about me is probably the concerts i have been to. I was so darn lucky to have gone to the GOT7 fan meet in Houston, to see Shinee in Dallas and to G-dragon’s concert in Houston (No i am not from that area of texas btw. I live in deep Texas at least 4 hours away from San Anotino. A more accurate description is that i am like 10-20 minutes from the Mexican border… Yes, i happen to be Latina as well.)

When it comes to my writing style I like to keep things as real as possible. I tend to include alot of foul language or try not to stray away from sensitive/more serious topics ( this being the reason as to why to I gladly took in the alopecia request and the infertility request). My favorite type of genre to writing is angst. Don’t get me wrong though i am a sucker for fluffy stuff, but i do try to hold back on the cringe. Smut is something i can’t write though. I have yet to become comfortable with writing (even reading) smut.

Admin Satellite:

Yo readers, Satellite here! I was the second admin that joined the blog. Me and Boat got to know each other through her previous work and I just kind of wanted to try writing too.

So, now over to me and my narcissistic ass; I’m kind of a weird turd from the northern parts of Sweden. If you hadn’t already noticed I’m quite weird… But hey, normal is boring! Anyways, I am mixed-race (Thai-Swedish) so I can speak both languages and English pretty fluently - I love languages and I’m currently learning more Asian languages since I find them more interesting.

When it comes to hobbies, I have a lot of them. Usually people ask me how many hours I have in a week since I do so much. I don’t think it’s that much… But it does get to me sometimes and causes stress. My main hobbies however include; travelling, dancing, everything music (singing, playing instruments etc.), learning languages, science (I go the science program at school and I’ll graduate this summer thank god), writing, painting, drawing, memes… and the list goes on.

As for writing style I love keeping it real, just like Boat. I also don’t really censor anything so swearwords and triggering content might usually occur (I do put warnings before though so don’t worry). Recently I have been quite busy though so I haven’t had the time to be active. But I’ll try my best as soon as my senior project is over and school starts to calm down.

Admin Cloud:

Hey Guys! I’m Admin Cloud and I am the third admin of this fantabulous blog. I was (still am) a big fan of Admin Boat and Satellite’s writing (I even requested some of their scenarios), so as I was going through their blog, I saw the admin wanted post and thought. Hmmm why not? So here I am!

Anyways, about me. Welllllllllllll…….I’m a military brat, and I’m currently living in Japan, sadly not in Tokyo, but close enough (only an hour train ride). Sadly I don’t speak Japanese nor do I know how to read, I know a few words and phrases but nothing that could hold a conversation. BUT I am Filipino and I could understand and somewhat speak Tagalog.

As far as hobbies go, singing is always the first thing that comes to mind. I love singing and honestly, you’d probably get tired of me singing or humming if you were around me for so long. BUTTT other than singing and obsessing over k-idols, I also enjoy a little photography, doing makeup, reading, writing, playing (and winning prizes) from claw machines, and most importantly…..collecting CD albums. I know collecting albums is “so outdated” but I love it! I have an entire box filled to the top with albums, and not just kpop albums (although the kpop industry takes CD albums to another freaking level) but also western artist’s albums. I hope that my album collections continues to grow so I could potentially have an entire room dedicated to them ^.^

Finally, a little bit about my writing style. I’ve been writing stories since I was in probably 6th or 7th grade. Ever since I stumbled upon Quizazz (now Quotev) and Wattpad, I’ve been inspired to write sappy love stories to make up for my lack of love live…JOKEEEE lol not really. Anywayssss I’m more comfortable with 1st person writing but I’m willing to challenge myself in order to grow as a writer. As for censorship, I do use curse words for dramatic purposes but if I feel that the scene could move on without any foul language, then I try my best to keep it clean. Just like Admin Boat, I also like to write angst, just because I feel like I could make it more realistic than if I were to write some fluffy stuff. But smut I’m a little uncomfortable with writing. I mean sometimes I read some smut but reading it is wayyyyy different than writing it. BUT if someone were to request it, I won’t shy away from the challenge ;)))

Again, we are still up to a new admin joining us. If you are interested, please take a look at this post

#about us

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lesouvv · 5 years ago

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Schmallery write up

I was given a room to do with as I please

This room is often affectionately called the schmallery

It is a white cube space made of possibilities and also white paint

Although the schmallery is a white cube space

It is not a blank slate and by no means a neutral space

It has alot of indentations and quirks from its past life

The most prominent of wich

A door

A door !

A big door painted white trying to camouflage into the wall it lays upon

With a lock

A lock !

A big padlock

Presumably made from a padlock

I looked through my note book with my ideas I had so carefully doodled for the space along with them were my step by step plans for each idea - following through with these plans would of been a simple case of paint by numbers

All I had to do is physically relive my obsessive daydreams of bringing these ideas to fruition

Suddenly an angel appeared and violently tore my notebook to shreds only using gentle breezes and choir music

I had been praying harder than usual recently

The angel spoke in a loud booming voice that can only be described as thunder crashing into sunlight

I was understandably upset

That notebook had a very funny joke in it that I can't quite remember the exact phrasing of

Without the proper phrasing the joke is not nearly as funny

Before I could formulate a stern yet measured response to the angels actions

The angel started speaking every language at once

Even braille

Even the language ants speak

I was very overwhelmed

The angel described to me

Heaven

It was heavenly

It felt like that feeling when you wake up late at night and your cozy and all you can think about is just how cozy you are you don't need to pee or anything

Your just cozy

No trailing thoughts

No sense of sense of self or anyone

Just warmth and acceptance

The angel smiled and patted me on the head with their incredibly large angel hand

It was like a landscape gently moving back and forth against my scalp - making beutiful harp music as the angels hand did so

The angel was beutiful and strong

Everything sunshine should be

Everything I could be

Half the memories I had were of the angels description of heaven

Even though the angel spoke for no more than a moment or two

I blinked 7 times all at once

And then the angel was gone

I sat in the schmallery sulking

Till I heard music coming from behind the door

Angelic choir music !

I could almost hear the angels breathing lightly on the opposite side of the door

I could not tell if they were mocking me or inviting me to join them

The optamist in me said the latter

With the ammount of angel noises I could hear behind that door , it could only be heaven

I started gathering comically excessive tools to try break of the padlock

A broken hammer

A ruined hack saw

A pulled muscle

And a bent bolt cutter later and I was no closer to heaven

I scraped and I scraped the lock for hours

Wripping off pieces of it , but never getting it off completely

Inching closer and closer , but never arriving

What more could I have done

Alot more

Come to think of it

I gathered all the bed sheets from the nearby towns people and tried to match the Angels description of heaven around the door

If the angels could not distinguish between the schmallery and heaven

Then there would be no need to seperate them by the barrier that is the white door

It would phase out of existence

And the angels would be on the other side welcoming me with open arms and mabey slightly upset that I had decieved them

The schmallery was looking pretty fucking heavenly if I do say so my fucking self

But there was not a single divine intervention insight

I was furious

I was being such a good person

I even went outside and did a bunch of good deeds

Helped some old ladies cross the street

Gave grains of sugar to ants roaming the studio kitchen

I even brought back the copper wire I had removed from the main buildings walls

I had to change tack

I tried making a disguise

I was not sure where I would get pure sunlight on such short notice to construct my disguise out of

So I opted to produce a name tag proclaiming myself an angel

I imagined the angels would let another angel into heaven. And they would believe I'm an angel because Angel's dont lie

And according to my name tag I am an angel

So there for I would not be able to lie

After drinking several scores with justin way past my bedtime while building this ridiculous structure this plan seemed more and more promising

Oh yeah , justin helped alot , hes pretty handy with a stapler

After 6 scores he started levitating

It was very inspiring

His anti religious sentiments did however cause the makeshift heaven to tremble slightly every now and again

Exactly 7 staples and 4 roles of duck tape later

The chasm of the sound of you scraping your way into heaven was standing

We removed the framework of cardboard tubes and cinderblocks that were holding up the chasm

As at this point the chasm was standing on it's own

Some beutiful uplifting music had also started eminating from the space

We had done it

We had succeeded

I put up the map quickly , so that others could also find their way to heaven through the chasm after I had departed - along with a light I won in a bidding war on gumtree

According to the description it was touched by an angel

After all of the preparation

It felt like quite a warm loving space

One that I only enjoyed making in retrospect

I was very tired

Alone

It was almost midnight

The music was swelling

At this point my shoes had been off for hours

I grabbed my torch

Grabbed my piece of the map

And slowly moved towards the light at the end of the tunnel

I turned the corner

To a closed door

But I was not disappointed

How I felt when the angel had described heaven to me is how I felt now

I had failed

But It didn't matter

Because where I wanted to be was where I already was

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nihilcr · 6 years ago

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I just want to say a big thank you to the people who messaged me about the passing of Jahseh. Those people will know how much I loved him and know what im going through now. I cant really say much other then Rest in Peace Jahseh Dwayne Onfroy you and your music kept me going through everything and anything and I greatly appreciate it. I made this collage to pay respect for everything you achieved and gave to everyone at such a young age. I love you. I woke up late this morning feeling like there was a dark cloud over me and there definitely is. Thank you to everyone who messaged me today it really means a lot. Ill leave you all with my level 3 English Speech on X and how he inspired me and also my auto biography in which I intertwined his lyrics from the song 'Lets pretend were numb'. There is alot to read. I dont expect you to read it all but if you are feeling the way im feeling it may help. If any of you are ever down about anything and struggling mentally please message me. I will try and help. I love you all. SPEECH: Intro: Why is some of my music depressing? Because when the lights are off, all the moneys gone,and the club scene is no more, I want you to be able to find comfort in me behind closed doors, when it all matters the most. - X Jahseh Dwayne Onfroy or as some of you may know him XXXTENTACION (pronounced X-X-X-tent-asi-ohn) or simply as X, was born on 23 January 1998. X grew up in Pompano Beach Florida but was thrown around the area because of his behaviour issues. At age 6, he plunged a glass shard into a man whom he believed was threatening his mother. He also got expelled in middle school for punting the mouth of a kid who had made fun of his mother. According to his own description, he was living the life of a "young savage" -- correctional houses, grandma's house, robbing houses. He built up a formidable list of offenses including : armed robbery, armed burglary, possession of a firearm, resisting arrest, three charges of grand theft and oxycodone possession. He was thrown in prison on October the 8th 2016 for supposedly beating his girlfriend at the time. During his imprisonment his music career popped off without any new releases or music videos. People started stumbling along his music on Soundcloud and supporting him, he was released from jail on March the 26th 2017. X, over the past couple years as gain some meaningful tattoos scattered across his body including Cleopatra along his chest which is his mother's name. The word “alone” tattooed above his left eyebrow. The word “numb” tattooed under his right eye. “Bad Vibes” tattooed on either eyelid. A broken heart under his left eye. An elephant on the front of his neck/throat area representing the whole idea of “an elephant in the room”, which is a metaphorical idiom for an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss. All these tattoos mean something close and personal to not only him but myself, but one sticks out in particular. Under the word numb is a tattoo of three dots in a line. These three dots or ellipsis represent life. X says that each dot stands for 1 - Born 2 - Peak 3 - Death. I tend to relate to this tattoo more and feel as if the other tattoos all come under this belief that you are born, you have a peak in your life and then you die. “When you have that genuine love for someone and they are your source of happiness. They become your drug” Born. X was born caring. Despite his size being 168cm tall and weighing around 60kg X does not shy away from violence. But I believe that his acts of violence are acts of caring. Stabbing his mother's partner because he felt he was abusing her is an act of caring. Kicking another student at school was because of the mentioning of his mother in a negative way. X defends himself and his family until he stops breathing. X cares for himself, his fans and his family not only physically but mentally. While in prison he was interviewed over the phone and was asked “What are you trying to do when you get out?”. He said he wants to invest in a teenage therapy where every teenager that is happy talks to another teenager that is struggling and depressed. This is because he believes it's really hard for most kids to be motivated to talk to a therapist because they can't relate to them as much. He also wants to donate PS4’s and TV’s to foster homes in his area and gather up as much money as he can to give back to the community in which he was raised. He even started filling the fridges of the less fortunate in Florida but sadly stopped the ordeal about a week into it as a group of people robbed him of his items and said he was doing it for attention and that he didn't care for the community. X cares for the kids and feels that's why many of them gravitate to his music. He has talked to certain fans that were depressed and looking for answers. He has also responded to some direct messages from kids on the borderline of suicide and has talked them out of it. X understands how it feels to be mentally alone and quotes “You can be in a room with a million people and still be alone”. He realises that some kids have families that just dont understand theres something going on in their head bigger than everything that's around them, he understand that feeling and how that feeling can drive you to the edge. X quotes “Even if my material is vulgar or i'm seen as a bad person, as long as these kids are happy and i'm giving them something to rage to instead of being depressed, that's all that matters to me”. The impact of X being caring relates to me a lot. When in primary school I knocked a kid out with a stick after he said something about my mother, and we were regarded as friends. As i've got older i've been told by counsellors I have anger issues and my anger does release sometimes but I have controlled it. I care for my family and friends over anything. Not only do I care for friends and family physically but I am told by my peers I am a caring person mentally and verbally. I enjoy making people happy, making people laugh and enjoy helping people out when they are down. I've had a lot of people come running to me for advice the past few years and some people keep coming back for guidance and for a certain comfort that other people can't give them. I am yet to truly discover why. Why do people come to me? I am definitely not the happiest chap in the world and I struggle with mental issues that circle my life on a daily basis. If my friends and family are happy then i'm happy and i've realised their happiness fuels me to keep going. X has made me realise that to be caring is a gift and you should cherish your friends and family. He also has made me realise I do need to take time out for myself and care for myself and my own issues. I feel he has realised this aswell because he is suffering from depression to this day but is still willing to help people through their own issues and not as much his own. “Be a blessing and then disappear, so you don't have to watch it all crumble in front of you” Peak. X being in prison was a peak in his life, it may not be a positive peak but the realisation he got from being imprisoned has made X look at life differently. He was asked “While you've been locked up recently, what have you been thinking about?”. X quoted “I found the answer to life”. He believes life is but a perception. He thinks the way you perceive things is very important, life is but brainpower, life revolves around your brain, life is purely the brain and your thought process. Your conscious and subconscious mind rule the world X has made me learn that nothing else matters. Nothing else matters except what you desire and what your dreams are. X believes the whole purpose of humanity is to create and the problem is that everybody reaches a certain point of enlightenment or succession and it upsets the balance, the balance being the people around that individual. You can have a squad of friends and a certain character can become overly successful introducing jealousy between friends. If you have a friend that treats you differently and more harsh because of your succession and your hard work they aren't your friend, they aren't the people you want to be around, they will do anything to bring you down. I respect my friends decisions and their beliefs even if I don't agree with it, I still support them and help in any way I can. Some of my friends have made stupid decisions and i've cleaned their mess up hoping that they'd do the same for me. X said being in prison has made him want to become a better person and that prison changed his world. X wants to give all of his fans and this generation information they’re not supposed to receive or opinions that some people don't want to hear because they don't agree with it. He quotes “I dont mean to disrespect anybody, but religion is for the small-minded.” I again don't mean to disrespect anybody but I agree with this statement. All religions believe in higher powers. Both X and myself believe if you're going to be a good person, be a good person. If you're going to be a bad person, be a bad person. It doesn't matter. Nobody's opinion should matter. Nothing matters. Anything you put on this plant will stay here. If life is infinite and there's the slightest possibility that you have to come back to this miserable fucking planet, Id stop putting all this horrible fucking shit out here and make sure you live your life happy. X and I believe that happiness is all that matters. If it makes you happy, it's all that matters, and you will struggle and struggle and struggle but happiness will flower in the end. X quotes “I will help everyone find happiness or I will at least help everyone find an answer and a purpose”. X’s beliefs have impacted me greatly, i'm not religious and feel religion is something I could never see myself falling to. I respect peoples beliefs, some of my closest friends are religious but in my opinion I don't feel as if I will ever sought out guidance from someone that isn't proven to be real. I seek guidance through my friends and family, through music, through art, through happiness. I believe whatever makes you a happier person is all you need to worry about and all you need to focus on. Whether it's video games, sport, music, anything. I believe people need to stop judging, stop throwing comments at others because I feel they won't ever recycle. Judgement is just a part of this harsh reality we live in today. But it's up to us to look at life in a way that makes us happy, in a way that no matter how much you get judged for it you can carry on and be proud of yourself. Anything that takes me away from joy and happiness, I hate. Anything or anyone that makes me feel worthless, makes me look endlessly into the mirror at myself and contemplate killing myself, I have no respect or love for. They are to me simply a piece of dirt sitting on my shoulders waiting to be wiped away so I can play on. “When I turned 13, I blew out my candles, my wish was to be dead at the age of 18” Death. Nowadays depression has become a characteristic of many people on this earth. X has been depressed and packed with anger since he was a child but is still plagued with both to this day. X said he was a weird kid and was alone a lot of the time even when he was at home. He was asked “You’ve dealt with a lot of anger and depression in your life. Where do you feel like that stuff comes from?”. X answered “Being alone”. X’s mother went through a lot while raising him. She did everything she could do and as he has grown he has looked back on everything he's said and feels she deserved a lot more credit. X didn't have his dad around, it was just his mother. His father was in prison at the time and I assume he still is, X has nothing to do with his father and doesn't mention him at all. Because of his behaviour issues he was thrown around the Florida area. He lived not only with his mother for a time but stayed at his grandmothers, aunties and even his mother's friends houses. He felt alone. Being placed away from people he had any attachment to is what made him the way he is now. X believes being alone breeds a different kind of madness and a different kind of pain. He believes not receiving a certain amount of love can also break a person, especially a child growing up without love and support. But because of his beliefs he has realised and looked in on depression and used it to his advantage. His lyrics are based off his depression and anger, if any of you have actually listened to a range of his music you can tell a difference between a depressing song and a song based on anger. He puts all his pain, insanity and dark thoughts into his music because he feels its therapeutic. He felt as if sharing his thoughts was bad but good at the same time because it made him feel better and happier. He realised people fed on his music so was motivated to keep making music not only for himself but his fans as he saw it was giving people energy and healing them and he cherished it. His tattoos have a lot to do with his depression, the broken heart and the words “numb” and “alone” all represent emotion and feelings he is stuck with to this day and what he is basing his lyrics off. Making music helps him release his feelings, it makes not only him happier but his fans and this is proven by a post I found on his tumblr. A fan said “This isn't actually a question but I wanted to thank you for your music, it saved my life, thank you.” X replied “and I wanna thank you for listening, you give me a reason to stay alive, if it wasn't for you guys I would've killed myself a long time ago.” His reply hits me quite hard as I can relate to it because there are people in this room right now that don't realise they are the ones that are keeping me going. There are some friends that stand out from others. There are some friends that don't realise how much I actually appreciate their company, their voice, their laugh the list goes on. There are some friends that aren't actually friends. There are some friends that are more than friends they are family. Nowadays i'm learning to identify my true friends and getting rid of the people who linger around me for my possessions. I fill my mind everyday with a quote from Trent Shelton “If all you had to offer was friendship who would you still be able to call your friend?” I started offering people nothing but my company and have quickly realised how many people were using me, those people have turned into a piece of dirt just like the judgemental people have. Alongside his reply helping me discover my true friends, his music has impacted my life quite strongly. His lyrics and beliefs inspire me to write for example my autobiography had his lyrics throughout it. My photography writing and the photos themselves now speak to me because of his lyrics. The mood of my writing is strongly based on his songs and his feelings. His music inspires me to care even more, they inspire me to believe and perceive life differently. His music although it's depressing takes my mind into a deep dark space, it makes me truly think about if I were to kill myself, how would the people around me feel. It makes me realise how I felt when my brother killed himself, it makes me realise how my friends felt when Harman killed himself. It makes me realise how serious suicide and depression is. Conclusion: X has made me realise that what is real will prosper. His music has taken me into pools of darkness on a daily basis and no matter how badly I want to kill myself, his music stops me in my tracks. His perception on life creeps into my mind and I realise killing myself wouldn't be an act of caring, it wouldn't make my friends happy. It would slowly burrow into their hearts and fill their souls with corruption. My friends will end up the way X feels. The way I feel. Numb. Alone. Broken. They'll forever be the elephant in the room. Anima vestra - free your soul- AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Numb I advise you to not hide your feelings. Don’t pretend to be okay when you’re not okay. Don’t pretend to be happy when you’re sad. It’ll only lead to your misery. I dream so much and i just can't seem to find an answer for what i'm living for in general. Everyday I seem to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Everyday I stumble down the hallway to locate the shower. Everyday I sit - trapped, dazed, lost - in migraine, drowning myself in hot water that hits my pasty skin as if it were acid rain. Everyday I curl up in a glass box and contemplate crying, contradicting what people have told me “It will get better just give it time”. “You’ll be fine, you’ll push through”. “Someone out there loves you for who you are” I can't keep living like this, it's breaking my heart day by day. Everyday I lather myself in clothing representing a place I hate, and i say to myself, “How is this going to get better.” Four years. Four counsellors. Four lives lost. “I don’t want to talk to you, you can’t help me, i'm not algood.” Everyday I think, why am I like this? Why am I so depressed? Why am I so angry? Why am I so negative, so overwhelmed with a cloud that is slowly hovering over my life, slowly killing off positivity as if it were a pest. Why I ask? Well all I can nail it down to is 17213. But is it truly the answer? I mean who's to say you find an answer when there isn’t? 17213 are probably just numbers to you; the 17th of the 2nd 2013 aren't just any numbers to me, they are the numbers symbolising the day my brother decided to end it all. Chase Robson - loving, honourable, committed - was a father, a son, a grandson, a brother, a soul that was forever changing for the best, changing for his son, changing for his family, changing for himself. I was unsuspecting of the literally breaking news that was to be heard. What if you just die? Wondering why I was slouched in a hunk of metal on wheels, dad sat uncomfortably as if something was stuck to the end of his tongue. Regretfully, my father voiced a collection of words. I didn't know they would deprive me of positivity and create a continuous loop of death and darkness. “Chase has committed suicide.” I, awakened by the news, had then truly discovered what suicide was - dark, destructive, unexpecting - what it can be and what it can do. Destroy. What if life as we know it is all a dream? The car's window that day seemed to be the cleanest it had ever been. I was able to pierce right through it, through the calm gathered clouds resting in the sky. I was able to envision hope in the sky, a sense of life after death, something I never believed or contemplated until then. What if we live for no reason? My mind - deserted, abandoned, lost - searched for answers. It searched amongst the sky and its infinite crowd of clouds to discover nothing but the vision of the sky’s hue, that darkened, caved in as the sun hid behind the pimples of our earth. It threw a ribbon of fire that seemed to slash my eyes causing them to close forcing me to see and feel the internal darkness that had been brought upon me. What if we just disappear when we die? I had felt like my life was not special anymore, like it wasn't worth living. I discovered that one type of drug can kill you. One type of firearm. One type of knot. One type of idea can end it all. I was filled with the idea “If he did it, so can I”. Should I cling to life? Or should I just kill myself? I now feel - four years on - lost and numb. I have accepted the harshness of reality and let it take over my life. I have become the kid who doesn't care anymore. The kid who takes the piss out of himself so no one else bothers to. The kid who is positive and social. The kid who has a lot of potential but doesn't realise it. The kid who drinks - nearly every day - to forget, but always remembers. So many contradictions, contemplation. I don't care about myself. I care too much for others, for the people around me. I enjoy helping people. Doing things for people. Buying things for people. The problem is that it fills my mind with the idea that people use me. I shove people aside and hate them for using me and despise them for not giving anything back. I throw them away and realise that they are what I need because seeing them smile is what keeps me going, it makes me feel worthy. And now here I am trying to save the world, when I can't even save myself. It's getting harder and harder to mask my pain. I come to discover that I have lost. Lost hope. Lost positivity. I have lost the race that everyone is competing in. Constant laps of death. Everyday i'm alive adds to my slow unpreventable death. I can't decide whether I want to keep running or just fall. I have enough money to be happy, but having all the money in the world doesn't make you happy. You can't buy true friends, true love or true life. The world will know money can't stop a suicidal weakness. I feel i'll forever be the elephant in the room. I can't tell if I wanna live or if I wanna die. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed isn't the problem. It isn't the reason for the way I am. It is because everyday I seem to wake up. Please save me.

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