#Pip my friend

[gadflystings]

Me and Pip talking. I love Sky has so many beautiful places to talk with your friend.

Finally feel better. Hate to be sick o___o

[evermorepeyton]

i love the concept of dan howell not being born to be a cool famous pop star, or a lawyer.

no, he was put on this earth to be exactly what he is.

he was genetically engineered in a lab to be The parasocial best buddy of the girls, the goths, the gays and the geeks. he was created by god or the universe to be chronically online, and to represent some kind of hope for loners around the world. for the introverts, for the weirdos.

he wasn’t built to be mainstream, disconnected from what people are saying about him online. no, he was meant to be the internet’s it boy, really.

[thaila-daughter-of-zeus]

I can’t think of a caption here’s dnp as mermaids.

PRO TIP! If ur art blocked draw ur favs as fish I guess

[moliathh]

hellsing organisation shenanigans

supernatural/barbie mugshot redraw: og pic

[sluttycinderella]

Razorgate: an empirical, peer reviewed study*

*there is nothing genuinely scientific about this, it is merely a result of mental illness and unemployment.

So we all saw this right?

But after this bomb was dropped I began to get curious about the other slittenings. Did they use the same razor for all of them and no one had noticed? Do they actually own more than one razor? And if they don't, if this is truly the only phrazor, then I don't think I have to tell you that raises a lot of questions.

Firstly, I went back to where this all began, Phil's Birthday stream, to identify the razor that carved the very first slit and forever cemented itself as a part of herstory:

Now that is very clearly the Manscaped logo, no question about it. Here’s a high quality photo of the logo for comparison:

(You can also clearly see in the Twitter post that it says "Manscaped" across it but I like to double check my work and I also wanted to prove that they were both Manscaped)

And it's a good thing I did double check because OP made a CRITICAL ERROR in their post! They claim that the razor in question is the Lawn Mower 4.0 when in fact it's the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra! Unlike the PUNY, PATHETIC, UNMANLY 4.0, the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra comes with an interchangeable foil blade, a USB port, and a more advanced spotlight!

How could OP be so careless? Dan and Phil would never own an outdated razor! They require only the finest in ball shaving technology!

Also fun fact: The first appearance of the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra on the Manscaped YouTube channel falls right in between the dapg return announcement and their first video back so make of that what you will...I for one shall be sculpting my own hill out of the very earth itself, "Manscaped Sponsorship Hill", I encourage you all to join me.

So after spending far too long researching the intricacies of razors that shave an organ I don't even have, I now needed to check if it was the same razor being used in every slittening:

Here they are side by side for comparison, left is Phil’s birthday, middle is the We're All Doomed post-premiere, right is Dan’s birthday. Now it appears the WAD one is missing the logo but I'm going to go ahead and chalk that up to the poor quality of the clip I found (if anyone has a better version PLEASE hit me up so I can confirm my hypothesis). And considering the photo taken in the aftermath seems to show Phil holding the 5.0 Ultra:

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's the same thing.

“But,” I hear you shouting, “so what if Dan and Phil used the same razor for all the streams? They already said they only owned one razor so who cares?” Well this isn’t so much about proving that they’re the same razor as it is establishing a baseline. It’s hard to trust basically anything Dan and Phil say lately, what with piggate and the “pillow” bar and the fake view from the Phouse, knowing that they aren’t lying about only having one razor (to the best of our knowledge) is crucial in figuring out what exactly is going on. Remember, we’re doing science here.

And with that in mind: In my professional opinion, I can say that for all three slittenings, the Manscaped Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra was the weapon of choice.

Sidenote: I went down a bit of a rabbit hole of Manscaped reviews during all of this and apparently Manscaped razors are kind of just a scam. This razor is $109 and they try to trick their customers into subscribing to their "Peak Hygiene Plan" which you don't actually need by offering a deceptive discount and hiding the terms where people aren't likely to see them. So yeah, fuck Manscaped and I for one think we should cancel Dan and Phil for not ethically consuming under capitalism.

But that's beside the point, we know that they indeed only have one razor and that that razor...is for balls. What does that tell us?

Conclusions

There are a multitude of conclusions one could jump to in the light of such a revelation, I shall display them in a convenient numbered list for your viewing pleasure:

One of them prefers to use straight (lol) razors to shave their...you know...I don't actually know if this is a thing people do or if it's even possible, people with balls please sound off in the comments, thank you

Only one of them actually shaves in which case I support them as an infamous pussy hair enthusiast (iykyk)

They share a razor (Please, God, no, that's actually disgusting)

Either way, this thing was on someone's balls and then it touched both their faces so I really hope they cleaned it properly!

Alright, so that whole exploration may have been a bit useless, it indeed only confirmed what we had already been told, but I spent literal hours comparing photos of ball hair trimmers and I'm not one to admit defeat. Consider yourselves peer reviewed, Dan and Phil, and maybe check out Beardscape instead! Apparently they have better, more comprehensive razors for the same price.

If anyone even more demon than me has any corroborating evidence (maybe of them using straight razors at any point or anything else razor related that they've said in the past) please let me know so I can take it into consideration! Thank you all for your time.

[starredhowell]

TIT tour but it’s just a m&g with her

[donnatroialuv]

my bestie never beating the stoner allegations

[zinphandel]

hey girl :3 wanna collaborate for the next 15 years

[pipperoo]

the way max jägerman says skeleton has truly ruined my life. literally, for a whole fucking year, anytime i see a skeleton, i grab my friend’s attention (the one friend that understand the reference) and go “oh shit, oh fuck, i didn’t think there’d be a skele’un here!” every fucking time

i was at the rennfaire and i saw too many and i’d just go through all the lines. sometimes it just devolves to both of us pointing at one just saying “skele’un” quietly over and over while everyone else looks confused

i can’t even stop

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

dan and phil VIOLENTLY oscillate between making me want to giggle squeal kick my feet and making me want to punch them. the one certainty in life is that every cute moment of them smiling or experiencing genuine joy or trying to make each other laugh or domesticity will immediately be followed by phil buttoning up dan’s ass flap on camera or “change me? 🥺👉👈” or phil biting dan’s fucking tail after wrapping it with gold leaf right in front of their mothers and me and the children and god and the whole internet

[creekfiend]

I painted my favorite bad icelandic sheepdog today

[soufparkies]

hi south parkers

[emotoangel]

no I think I am going to be sick actually

[dangenderenvy]

dan howell

[pippindot]

BEBY IS HOME!!!

[starredhowell]

how it feels to watch dapg lately with how unhinged their comments are