#PhD discussions

[annafromuni]

I'm Doing A PhD About Bookstagram, BookTok and BookTube

It is a strange combination. On the one hand, there are the intensive research requirements of tertiary education and academics, the long hours bent over a notebook, a cup of coffee steaming as the clock strikes midnight, and a near feverish drive to learn more, study more, understand more. On the other hand, we have bookish social media, where the environment is a mixture of casual commentary…

[homosekularnost]

[chaimachi]

Noiz's Neurodivergence

I recently started playing DMMD and just finished Noiz's route. As I played and learned more about Noiz it struck me that he came off as extremely neurodivergent coded. The more I thought about his route, the more I realized how it really strongly reflects neurodivergent individuals and their struggles in society. The thought has kind of overtaken my brain space, so I've decided to yap about it some and make an semi-analysis post.

A few notes:

Personally, I came away reading him as autistic, but if you read him as ADHD/ADD, AuDHD, or neurodivergent in other ways, that's fair! For generality I'll stick to using neurodivergent here.

I'm basisng this on my own knowledge and experiences, if these don't match your experiences, you disagree, or would like to add something that's okay and please do! I'm interested in conversing with others about this topic and would love to see other opinions.

If I use incorrect/outdated or offensive language please let me know. I don't want to harm anyone with my words, but if I do please let me know so I can correct it.

I haven't read or played re:connect yet, so I won't be including information from there. While writting most of this I also hadn't finished Ren's route yet either, so I won't include information from there!

Why I think Noiz is Neurodivergent I'll admit, Noiz was not my favorite character during the shared/general route scenes. He came off as a brat, a character archetype I'm not too fond of. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a brat, but more of a loveable brat now.

It wasn't until I entered Platinum Jail and his route in honest that I started to realize he displayed neurodivergent traits. The first time it crossed my mind was when he was in Glitter with Aoba and suddenly swapped topics, asking if Aoba was hungry. The tonal shift was absolutely jarring. Jarring to the point that, coupled with Aoba's response and Noiz's own nonchalance, I realized he wasn't trying to aggressively change the topic. He literally just got carried away by an intrusive thought. He realized he was hungry, and just jumped on that train of thought and got carried away with it. This moment was like a lightbulb for me, I was "Oh, he's got ADD."

Suddenly, Noiz's character started making so much more sense to me. He's got intrusive thoughts, he literally follows a conversation at his own flow, which Aoba finds hard to follow at times. He has his own leaps in logic, something you commonly hear about neurotypical individuals trying to understand, how neurodivergent individuals can jump from one topic to another. Noiz suddenly saying he's hungry and then just leaving while Aoba is standing there gobsmacked mirrors one of these interactions so strongly. To Noiz him being hungry and acting on it makes sense, meanwhile Aoba is left wondering what just happened and annoyed. Looking back at several of his conversations in the general route, I get an entirely different feel for him and several things click into place. He's not purposefully ignoring Aoba when he broke into Aoba's room (he's still capable of doing it, because he's still a brat when he wants to be), instead Noiz is just following the conversation at his own pace, resulting in Aoba finding the flow of the conversation strange.

Moving along to the food trucks, we see Noiz going around buying all kinds of food. He's like a kid in a candy store, literally. He's so interested in these different types of food in front of him that he's going wild buying them all, showing how he's chasing a dopamine rush but also somewhat lacks impulse control. His impulse control with money could be a side effect of or just further exacerbated by being rich, but I think could be a neurodivergent trait for him. Especially because Aoba himself mentions that Noiz is buying more food than one person could possibly eat, and we never hear about Noiz himself eating more than an average individual. Noiz is just so captivated by all the kinds of food offered that he buys without thinking about how much he can feesibly eat. Later on in the fist fights we see him just diving right in without thinking of the danger or getting hurt, but this is also related to his lack of care for himself or getting hurt. Ultimately the impulsivity is there, and while it could stem from other external influences, to me it comes off as a sign of neurodivergency for Noiz.

For me, the moment that made a lightbulb go off and I realized Noiz was neurodivergent (autistic in my interpretation) was when he mentioned just living off delivery pizza and pasta. At this moment I put my head in my hands and just whispered "oh he is autistic." It was such a simple statement, but when I learned he was okay eating the same things day after day, I couldn't help but equate it to how neurodivergent individuals can have food preferences where they prefer to eat the same food repeatedly. Now, Noiz doesn't mention any texture issues, actually he seems to love trying other foods. But he does say he has lived on pizza and pasta for years, which makes me feel like it is a comfort to him because it is simple to obtain/make and he knows it tastes good. It's such a simple moment/statement, but that really helped Noiz's neurodivergence click into place for me, because while not a one to one similarity of a common associated trait it reminded me of a commonly discussed trait.

From here on, I recontextualized a lot of Noiz's own personality traits and it all just seemed to fit together so well. Heck, one of his positive choice options hit a personal note with me. He shows a strong dislike for being interrupted while he's engrossed in work, he does not enjoy or tolerate his concentration being broken, a trait I find quite relatable. All of this together made me realize he has issues communicating with others and understanding social cues. Yes, he is a standoffish brat but he also just has no clue how to properly communicate and read the room.

For his inability to read social cues we have scenes like Noiz kissing Aoba out of the blue and not understanding why Aoba finds it weird. His social normalcy can even differ from the reader, at times, he seems pretty chill for just barging into Aoba's house or job and then having Aoba follow his lead. This isn't even touching on how he seems so distanced from any form of "normal" physical affection such as kissing or sex. Normally I'd say, okay these don't have to really mean anything, but when you juxtapose it against Aoba's (or even Mio's) reaction, it just drives home that his definition of social normalcy and theirs are completely different. He also, y'know seems completely unable to realize that people can just care, taking genuine concern and turning it transactional. I'd also like to highlight how Noiz seems good at making eye contact, until you strip him of his own armor forged of stubborness, then we see him glance away. He doesn't start avoiding eye contact after that, but I did find it interesting that he displayed yet another commonly associaed neurodivergent trait only when finally showing some of his true feelings.

This doesn't even include his own sensitivity to touch/pain. That was another trait that seemed to hint at neurodivergence, a lack of sensitivity to pain has been debated as a neurodivergent trait, however it is known that individuals can suffer from either hyper- or hyposensitivity. I feel like Noiz just can be put in the latter category.

One last bit I'd like to mention is his hyper-focus/obsessive interest in Rhyme, especially after losing to Aoba. I'll discuss Rhyme a bit more later though! Mostly I'd like to point out how his issues with losing could be interpreted as rejection sensitivity almost. I'd also like to propose Rhyme and his overall stubborness as an attempt at masking, not showing his weakness or problems. He intentionally was trying to seem like a standoffish brat instead of letting his inability to understand humans show. But in truth, he wasn't a standoffish asshole, he just didn't know how to communicate and connect with others. And this becomes a core theme for him as his route progresses.

The Struggle to Connect with Others

Noiz's primary psychological struggle is his inability to understand others (because he can't feel pain) and make meaningful connections as a result.

He repeatedly mentions how he doesn't understand Aoba wanting to help him just because Aoba cares about him as a person. While this is also because he's been used for his money and other reasources, that doesn't change his core issue of how he can't understand people. How he has been unable to truly connect with anyone since he was young, leading him to a life of loneliness and being even more unable to understand and connect with others.

His struggle resonates strongly with me on how at times neurodivergent individuals struggle to understand the reasoning behind rules/actions or connect with other people and maintain relationships. I see his struggle, his suffering because he is existing in a world that is not made to help him with individuals who are unable to help him learn to adapt or cope. So instead, he makes his own defense/coping mechanisms and attempts to mask to the best of his ability. He belives everything is transactional, that life is all about give and take. He uses stubborness and aggression as a shield. He'd rather have his wound bleed out and get infected than have another person care for him.

Looking back at Rhyme, it is his hyperfocus. Hyperfocusing on Rhyme makes it almost like Noiz's life line, his safe space. Rhyme is the the one thing that he feels like he can use to connect with others (even if he is still lonely standing at the top). That's why his loss to Aoba shakes him so hard, because his safe space had been intruded upon. If he's not the strongest in Rhyme, if he's not the strongest and loses, then the mask and shields that he so carefully crafted will begin crumbling down. If he can't be the strongest in a world where he's on an even playingfield with others, where he can feel pain, then how is he supposed to survive in a world where he's at a disadvantage. It's Noiz's struggle to live in a world not made for him, where he's at a disadvantage and tries but fails to comprehend others that makes me relate his story so strongly to neurodivergence. It's seeing Noiz get up, and even though he still does not fully understand, decide he'll treat Aoba's burn injury that makes me find his story compelling. His story shows that he can survive in the world, that he can come to terms more with his own inability to experience similar situations. But he can't do it alone, he needs help by his side and I think Aoba does a wonderful job of supporting Noiz.

Aoba spends the route trying to understand Noiz, and when he realizes Noiz's struggle, he doesn't berate him. Instead, Aoba extends kindness and warmth to Noiz. If Noiz struggles to understand, then Aoba won't berate him, instead he'll try to help Noiz. He'll help Noiz learn to connect to other people and not be alone. Aoba was willing to do this before he even helped Noiz gain the sensation of touch, which I think is a beautiful message. Aoba shows an inherent kindness towards Noiz and also promotes Noiz learning healthy coping mechanisms instead of staying behind his crudly made stubborness. To me, Aoba represents a world/individual that tries to adapt for neurodivergent individuals, helping them to understand and survive in life. Aoba saying he'll teach Noiz pain, he doesn't mean physically he means helping Noiz learn and process his emotions. He wants to show Noiz that the world isn't terrible, that there are people who will accept him despite his differences and help him find a way to survive in the world. Which brings me to Noiz's good ending.

Noiz's Good End: Abelist or a Lesson on Acceptance and Coping?

When I first got his good end, I was left with a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. Noiz learned how to feel pain and other sensations, he lost the main reason behind his inability to understand and connect with others. This was done through Aoba using Scrap, so at first I was left finding it to be a "magic cure" for the core issues that made him readable as neurodivergent. I was left feeling disappointed, like the game was telling me Noiz's neurodivergent traits were bad and that he needed to be "fixed." Overall, Noiz gaining sensation, losing the barrier that made his life harder just soured the excellent writing of his route for me.

But then, I rolled the ending around in my head more. I realized personality wise, Noiz hadn't changed. He does come off as more open and emotive, but I think it's safe to say those feelings were always there. He just now feels comfortable enough to let his guard down and show them to others. The only thing that had changed was Aoba showing Noiz acceptance, being the first person in his life truly capable of extending a hand and offering that acceptance to him. I thought more about Scrap and how Aoba says he's destroying a part of the mind, but in all honesty this "destruction" stems from acceptance. Koujaku accepts his bloody past, Mink accepts that it is okay for him to live, and Noiz, Noiz accepts that he CAN and WANTS to connect with others even if he can't feel pain. In return, Aoba extends the exact same acceptance to his friends/romantic interests. He does not fully understand them, he can never fully relate to his friend's traumas and struggles, but he can accept them. Accept them as a part of the people he cares about, and show everytone that no matter what their past was or their struggle that he will be there for them. Honestly, Aoba is just a great friend in general due to his innate kindness.

Aoba himself is what saves me from thinking this ending is ableist in nature. Because he offers to help Noiz learn about the emotion behind pain and how to form bonds, before Noiz even gets Scrap'd. Instead of seeing Scrap as destroying Noiz's neurodivergence, I see it now as Aoba accepting Noiz, neurodivergence and all. Due to this acceptance we can finally see Noiz let down his guard, unmasking for the first time if you will. Noiz doesn't magically have a good relationship with everyone in his ending either. Instead, he starts trying to move forward and learn how to live alongside others in society. It's because Aoba was the first person who stood by Noiz and showed him the patience required to help Noiz learn how to interact and connect with others. Ultimately, that's what I think Noiz getting Scrap'd represents. It represents Noiz finally being able to move forward because he met someone who could help support him as he learns to navigate the tricky roads of social etiquette and expectations. He's found a companion who can help him understand his own emotions. Aoba represents the person who will not baby Noiz and let him get away with everything, but also shows him the understanding Noiz needs in order to learn.

Also our boy Noiz still does retain several of his neurodivergent traits. We still see him leading the conversation at his own flow while Aoba is left trying to say his piece. We see Noiz just automatically jumping to Aoba come live with me in Germany, honestly giving the vibe that he'd whisk Aoba away right that second if possible. He's still Noiz, a young adult who can be bratty and spoiled at times, but now he finally has a support system. With that support system in place, he finally feels free enough to show his true self to others. Becaue now he knows that if he fails or makes a mistake, he won't be ridiculed and locked away, but instead have a partner who can help guide him.

Overall, Noiz's route has to be my favorite in terms of writing because it deals with such a real and personal struggle that many people can relate to.

Anyways that's all from me! If you disagree and the ending still leaves a bad taste in your mouth, that is perfectly valid! I just personally wanted to look at it from another angle and give the writers the benefit of the doubt. I'd be interested in other opinions though! Thanks for reading if you did, I mostly wrote this to get rid of the brain worm, but if you read and liked it I appreciate it!

[acebytaemin]

Did you see people are saying taemin is copying jimin with the comeback 😂 where do I start

this is getting soooo tired we literally get this every taemin comeback and im one hairs breadth away from being mean about it with a much more damning variation of ��cute next to gorgeous’ LMFAO but i don’t actually have anything against the poor dude (who’s said multiple times how much taemin has inspired him). taemin invented jimin in the artistic sense and even if he hadn’t taemin’s newest work is very obviously self referencing to anyone who’s familiar with his previous work which whoever is saying this is obviously not

[sitdwnandstudy]

I was so brave in class today for not derailing the entire conversation when my prof said there was no difference between the pro choice and reproductive justice movements

[evilkaeya]

Chuuya is so talented… he can control gravity, he’s the best martial artist ever, he’s smart and clever, he’s canonically super attractive and beautiful and everyone agrees, he has had so many friends because everyone loves him, AND he can have multiple hair colors simultaneously… he is a true renaissance man

YOU GET IT he can also cook and he's kind and he loves dogs and asagiri himself said he gives the best white day gifts and THE LIST NEVER ENDS he's so perfect

Also love the way u phrased the line abt his hair. Imagine pm having an emergency meeting to discuss Chuuya's hair color

Tachihara: it's definitely like. bright copper.

Higuchi: strawberry blonde!

Kouyou: it's auburn

Gin: ginger

Akutagawa: orange

Kajii:

Kajii: wdym it's not brown?

Dazai: Oh Chuuya’s hair colour? I think it resembles the shade of summer sunset, vivid and breathtakingly beautiful, but sometimes it resembles fire, fiercely red like-

Tachihara: Why are you here? 😭

[mariemariemaria]

joining the war on academic validation on the side of academic validation

[ontologic-catgirl]

Me and the music teacher getting into another fight over whether natural phenomenon can be music.

On account of the fact that he thinks it is the intent to make music that counts

I on the other hand consider the intent to perceive music as being the defining feature.

[annafromuni]

The End of Post-Graduate Classes

With October coming to a close, my final few assignments for my postgraduate course are due and classes have concluded. The semester has flown by – I still feel like I’m in week five following the first assignment submission, ready to delve into a new topic. It has been an incredibly enlightening experience, and I think a little academia update wouldnt’ go amiss. For those who don’t know, I am a…

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

the amount of time my supervisor and i spend in one-on-ones just straight up laughing together needs to be studied i think

[the-casbah-way]

WHY is emailing potential supervisors so intimidating. like hey esteemed academic in the field i aspire to become qualified in do you want to put up with my stupid fucking research project. do you want me to plague you with emails for the next year. do you want me to ruin your fucking life you poor innocent soul ensnared by your duties to inarticulate sleep deprived classics students. god

[unganseylike]

so one of my coworkers is currently doing grad school interviews and came back from one a bit disgruntled. he explained that he was speaking with a professor, it was proceeding normally and the professor said they were gonna move to the next phase of questions. then asked “so, do you believe in free will?”

understandably, my coworker was surprised to get this question while interviewing for a cellular and molecular biology program and got flustered. however, i think this is totally fair game. in fact, i think we should actually take advantage of the “do you have any questions” part of interviews to ask the interviewer existential and personal questions. Like yes, yes i do some questions. whats the meaning of life? do you have a good relationship with your father? do any of our choices matter, including the one that decides me acceptance to your phd program?

[sitdwnandstudy]

love to be hearing my classmates opinions on how much I pay for rent (too much), so fun :/

[daz4i]

ratio is one of the funniest characters in anything ever not only because he plays chess with himself and shames/compliments his own moves, not because he sends you 20 messages in a row and then talks about how he likes to "keep his words few", not because he wears a goddamn plaster head (sometimes bc he's literally like. canonically too hot that it distracts his students), not because of every silly thing he's done in canon so far that i won't list or we'll be here all day, but because one of his phds is in a topic that can be summed up as - from my understanding, and if i oversimplify things - explaining religious phenomena or arguing about religious topics such as "is god even real" via science, in a world where gods very much exist and it is a known fact and like he himself even wanted to be seen by one of them. and yet

[uefb]

Why do you think there’s a pattern of Theseus being abusive/overly aggressive in Fantastic Beasts fanfic? It’s been driving me up the wall trying to find Newt and Theseus fanfic that doesn’t make them OOC especially Theseus, and idk, in the context of Newt being Autistic I find it disturbing. Like sure, Theseus is hot-headed and loses his temper, he doesn’t always understand Newt, but those traits seem overtly exaggerated in a lot of fandom content.

Obsessed with this ask. I have been thinking about it all day, and am just now getting to write it up! Thinking about it in the background of my statistics class almost singularly got me through its sensory and anxiety hell. /sweat-laugh emoji/ So thank you!

Please remember, all of this is based on my own perspectives, knowledge, and headcanons, as well as canon clues. Nothing here is definitive and is open for respectful conversation! (Not directed specifically at you, salamander, just since this is a public blog I like to cover my bases. ^_^)

Buckle up: major autistic info dump incoming

Alright, so, my initial thoughts are that...

Obviously, there was a decent chunk of Newt fic written between 2016 and 2018 before CoG came out, that first film where we really got to see Theseus as a character, for who he really is (especially since they cut that letter from him to Newt at beginning of FBWTFT, that starts with "little brother," which is just pretty endearing). IMHO, this two-year gap means people had a wide open playing field to build the character themselves. Here's a few thoughts on that:

The framework for the entire Wizarding World, narratively, is the Harry Potter series. Boy wizard, shunned by family, isolated from socialization -- Outcasts have always been the backbone of She-who-must-not-be-named's stories. It's compelling. We love it, we lap it up. With only one FB film out before 2018 and Newt being such a unique protagonist, I think it's likely people fell back on the more typical Harry-Dudley trope to create a compelling backstory for Newt, using that tried-and-true fantasy Cinderella-type trope.

Second, from what I can tell, there was a lot less serious consideration of Newt actually being autistic in the early years of the fandom. (I only "joined" relatively recently myself, despite going to the first 2 movies on opening day, but I'm nothing if not fastidious in consuming every scrap of historical content when I develop a new interest, lol.) I've read pages of threads and plenty of "think pieces" attributing Newt's behavior to trauma-related social anxiety and/or his profession as a magizoologist. I absolutely buy the latter (adjusting body language for one's profession), but not entirely the former. (Personally, Newt doesn't strike me as an inherently anxious person--he strikes me as an inherently autistic one who also sometimes experiences anxiety. Discomfort and anxiety aren't the same thing, but people often conflate them, imho.) Anyway, THAT BEING SAID, I've noticed in quite a few fics that people write Theseus as being part of that implied social trauma, via sibling bullying that rises beyond typical sibling harassment. People perhaps tried to explain Newt's behavior by making him, at the very least, overshadowed by Theseus (and ashamed of it) or, at the very worst, abused and/or neglected by his family.

Also, quite simply: people process their own family trauma via fic. I think it's highly likely Theseus just served a sibling or parental role for some people in stories. (The abundance of abusive!Thranduil fic in the LotR fandom in the early 00s is another example of this.) Nothing wrong with using fic to process feelings and life experiences (god knows I do, it's horrifically obvious and always has been lmao), but this bulletpoint is still one explanation for the pre-CoG "Theseus being a dick in fic" phenomenon.

Plus, fanfic doesn't occur in a vacuum. Even when new canon info comes out, existing fic and whatever the going/contemporary fanon is often impact how new writers write their characters, even post-CoG. (And how those characterizations are received by the larger fandom--that reception may subsequently impact how writers maintain or change their characters in the future, imho.)

As for the current reasons Theseus is often OOC in post-CoG fic...

Well, I have my theories, but I am also not entirely sure. However, I feel pretty confident it has to do, primarily, with points 1 and 4.

Leta Lestrange and the Scamander Brothers - Honestly, I think people likely are pretty offended on Newt's behalf for the Leta/Theseus marriage. In mainstream media, we're kind of trained to think that dating your friend's ex is ultimate betrayal--it's difficult for people to imagine a world in which a person who marries their brother's ex is a good person. (...I was once in a friend group where we had all dated the same girl at some point, but we were all either ridiculously honest or autistic so we just--wait for it--talked about it and moved on.) That being said, I never read Leta & Newt as overtly romantic (then again, I also didn't know Bunty liked Newt until the 4th time I watched CoG), so I don't entirely get this one to the degree that I think some people viscerally feel this. But I expect some people see that and assume it says something much larger about Theseus' character than it does. (I do think it says a lot about Theseus that he loves Leta, but I don't think it says the same things about him that some other people do -- I think it speaks more to his similarities to Newt [compassion and positive outlook] than it does to stealing Newt's Hogwarts sweetheart. But I digress.)

Something Did Happen at Some Point - Now, there is undeniably a distance between the brothers that we, as viewers, don't necessarily know the origin of. (So I think I may have mentioned in my letters that [my brother & I] have quite a complicated relationship. // Does he want to kill you? // Frequently.) Have they always been like that? Is it new? Is it because of the age difference? Because they have different personalities? (Though I will argue until I'm blue in the face that they're actually extraordinarily similar people, at their cores.) Is it because Newt got expelled, or because Theseus scooped up Leta, or because Theseus expresses emotion through touch & Newt jerks away from touch he doesn't initiate himself, or because because because because because? I don't know. But there is something there and, based on the "complicated relationship" comment, it sounds like it is something that likely developed over time. So imho - I think some people see that and just lean in way too hard. Like, pedal to the medal, 0 to 60 too hard.

Theseus is Snarky to Newt on Multiple Occasions - Mostly based around how Newt directs his life, carries himself, etc etc. For example, it would be easy to take that whole scene before and after Newt's travel hearing in CoG and assume Theseus is an overprotective, condescending, and ableist prick. But if we look below the surface (and the stage directions in the screenplay help, too. When he says "maybe a little less... / like me. / well, it can't hurt" the instructions say 'not without fondness', or something like that), it's pretty glaringly obvious he doesn't mean to be that way. Even condescending behaviors usually have causal correlates, even if we can't see them on the surface. (Believe me -- and this is something we both touched on in DMs, salamander, I'm just repeating for the sake of the ask -- well-meaning pep talks and encouragement can still drip with condescension when loved ones think you need guidance because they "love you and know better " and you're just too autistic or too idealistic or too naive or whatever.) Ultimately, whether due to a failure to approach these snarky exchanges with grace and nuance, or because it can make a good fic to put brothers at odds, IDK -- but I expect this particular point plays into some people's decisions to interpret Theseus in a way I view as OOC.

Ease of Narrative ~ Nuance is hard - I mean, this one explains itself. Writing characters in a nuanced manner that allows digging into the messy horrible confusion of relationships--embedded as they are within families and societies and personal & general history--is not easy. It takes not only patience and significant effort as a writer, but it also takes a degree of self-awareness and maturity that we all reach at different points. I'm not there yet myself (there's no real arrival -- life's not a perfect graph), but still: My fic writing is very different now at 32 (with 14 years of 'adulthood' and 12 years of therapy under my belt) than it was when I was writing about adults when I was 15. (And, yes, I still have my first posted HP fic up on MuggleNet and FFnet, so you don't just have to take my word for it lmao.) To be very clear, this isn't me being ageist or whatever: I'm just saying that I often get the sense while reading fic where Theseus is reallllly overly aggressive that the writer is sometimes either very new to creative writing (and good for them! we love new writers! keep writing, lovelies!), or else quite young, and thus still acquiring life experience that is going to improve their work as they age, every single day.**

Sibling Experience - Not having personal or narrative experience with an age gap like Newt and Theseus have. I'm an older sibling by 7.5 years, which is close to Theseus & Newt's age difference. I basically half-raised my younger brother, so I have a real soft spot for that kind of sibling relationship, which comes across in most of my fics (LotR & FB). It's hard to imagine the sort of borderline sibling-parental love, responsibility, and anxiety that can permeate those kind of relationships if you haven't experienced or seen it represented in media yourself. This is just a theory, of course---I have no actual data on this being actually related to his OOCness.

What else? What do you or others think?

Final very random thought

I also think a lot of people forget that autism runs in families. So yes, Theseus doesn't always "get" Newt (god, no, lol) and he doesn't have guidance on what to do when he doesn't, but it is highly unlikely he hasn't seen behavior similar to Newt's before, whether in a parent or cousins, an aunt/uncle or something else. People *also* tend to forget, IMHO, that subclinical traits are often present in direct family members of an autistic person--Theseus' rigid thinking, for example, isn't necessarily "autistic", but he may get Newt better than people think for certain reasons we never have an opportunity to see in the script. (Not that the movies are paying *that* much attention to the actual research or autism presentations lmao, but I'm just saying it is a possibility). Being able to relate to a smaller version of someone's struggles can simultaneously make one both a better support and a worse one in a lot of ways. (And certain autistic traits can even rub up against each other poorly in different people--I have a few acquaintances that rub me the wrong way because our "symptoms" manifest in very different ways and their natural behavior triggers some of my own sensory issues or overdeveloped sense of justice or whatever. Conversely, my ADHD tendency to be 20 minutes late to every hang gives one of my autistic friends a panic attack every time -- I feel terrible, but all we can both do is try to adjust the behavior around our symptoms. And sometimes the same traits--firmly held beliefs, for example--bump into each other explosively, which I have experienced in fandom myself: two autistic people w diametrically opposing views interacting, but because we process information in similar ways even with very different perspectives, no progress can be made before someone shuts down.) BUT I BRING THIS UP BECAUSE, I do think it's possible to headcanon that some of Newt and Theseus' conflict (which does exist) could even be rooted in differing forms of neurodivergence or presentation of subclinical symptoms.

The world is a big place and there's so many possibilities. These are just some of my thoughts on why Theseus is often portrayed in a way I find to be OOC!

Asterisked footnote under cut -

**I'm trying to convey what Sandra Cisneros does much better in her short story "Eleven." That we, all of us, carry our entire lives and what we have seen inside of us at all times, and I think that's what we bring to our writing.

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven. Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three. Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.

[thephdpensieve]

Favorite kind of week: Zoom calls, books and checklists

Update for week 18th Nov - 24th Nov

Started my visa application for my upcoming Europe trip (the Workshop is for a week and the location is lovely!). Made a checklist and applied for permission from the university, printed all the forms and collecting other documents. I love the task, but it drains me a bit!

I'm working on a collaborative project with quite an international team and we had our first discussion meeting this week. Excited!

Met with my mentor from the Supernova Foundation (a mentoring network for women in Physics). She's ao insightful and conversing with her always gives me a big picture and a lot of clarity. So grateful for her ♥️

Read a book after a loooong time. It's The Running Grave by Robert Galbraith. I've been waiting for the book's release but couldn't get my hands on a copy sooner. Absolutely enjoyed the read and felt so alive (I missed reading!)

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