#he has an entire story about how he during his phd he really hated a book that was assigned

[ontologic-catgirl]

Me and the music teacher getting into another fight over whether natural phenomenon can be music.

On account of the fact that he thinks it is the intent to make music that counts

I on the other hand consider the intent to perceive music as being the defining feature.

[reidandweep]

Something Bigger Than Us

Spencer Reid x Reader (female)

A/N- Hi guys, I am back after an eventful few months. Had to deal with some personal stuff, but I am back now and writing more! So, to celebrate, heres some fluff with our favourite genius!!

Word Count- 4026 words

Warnings- Fluff, mention of bodily liquids in the case, mentions of murder.

The beauty of love is that, you can fall into it with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - Ritu Ghatourey.

Sitting in the subway cart, Spencer indulged in the book in his hands. It had been a gift from Penelope as she had always told him he had to read more fictional works. So, there Spencer was, on his day off, travelling to the science museum and reading ‘The Maze Runner’. He was taking more time than he needed; slowing down his reading speed to prolong the story to fit his entire journey. He was so engrossed that he nearly didn’t notice the subway cart come to a stop and the doors open, a woman walking inside. What made Spencer glance up from the novel in his hands was the slight change of weight near his feet. Looking away from his novel, he didn’t expect to see said woman sitting on the subway cart floor. Spencer glanced around to see multiple seats available, yet there this person was. Sat on the ground.

“Did you want to sit here?”

Spencer had found many women pretty in his life. He had found a few to be gorgeous. But this woman, she was breath taking. As she lifted her gaze to stare into his, Spencer felt a warmth he never felt. A moment. A spark.

The woman smiled up at Spencer.

“No, it’s okay. I quite like sitting on the floor. I can feel the wheels moving more.”

Spencer looked at the woman puzzled.

She couldn’t help but let her smile grow.

“Sit down and feel.”

Spencer’s brain went blank at the woman’s request. He knew how much bacteria there was on the floor and could not imagine doing such a thing as sitting on it.

“On average, more than 9 million people ride the subway every day. That’s 18 million feet on that floor. They could have stepped in anything. The number of bacteria is unimaginable.”

The woman shrugged.

“So, that’s 18 million feet and my butt. At least I can say I enjoyed my subway ride more because I felt the wheels on the tracks.”

The warmth in Spencer’s chest spread the more he looked at her. Before he even realised, Spencer found himself sliding from his seat and onto the subway floor next to her. She was right. You could feel the wheels thumping against the tracks.

“It’s like a heartbeat.”

The woman looked at the floor of the carriage with a smile.

“People ride the subway every day and never think about how amazing it is that this thing was created. That we can hop on something that could take us wherever we desired to in our city. They treat it like it's nothing. But it moves like we do, and it stops like we do.”

The woman looked up at Spencer.

“It has a heartbeat. Just like you and I.”

In his whole life, Spencer had never heard someone describe anything in such a way that made it feel human; that made him feel so human.

“So, where are we going?”

“We?”

The woman smiled and stood from the ground, holding her hand out for Spencer to take. He did so without a thought. It was like being around her made him forget everything.

“Yes, we? I had no plans but then I met you and it seems you had plans so now I do to. So, where are we going mister…?”

Spencer straightened his satchel, his hands gripping the straps. The warmth that had spread from his chest now burnt in the hand he had held hers with for those few seconds.

“My names Spencer. Spencer Reid. I’m actually a doctor but not a medical one. I have three PHD’s and three bachelor’s Degrees, but none of them are remotely medical. I could go into that field if I wanted to but…”

Spencer stopped himself as he realised, he was rambling.

The woman leaned against the pole to her side and looked at Spencer in earnest.

“You were saying you could go into the medical field if you wanted to but…”

She was actually listening to his rambling and she even seemed to be interested.

Spencer’s hands gripped his satchel tighter.

“But I have enough to focus on with work already.”

The woman nodded her head in understanding.

“Well, Dr Spencer Reid, my name is Y/F/N. Y/F/N Y/L/N. My title is just regular old miss. Unfortunately, I have no PHDs, but I do have a bachelor’s degree in Film Studies which I’m presuming is nowhere near exciting as what you have yours in. I could never have gone into the medical field because I hated biology and preferred chemistry at school as I liked drawing the chemical equations more than learning about photosynthesis. The only part I liked about biology was learning about thalidomide, which is really grim, but it was fascinating.”

Whilst she spoke, Spencer couldn’t help but notice the movement of her hands. Her nails on her right hand were painted a different colour to the ones on her left. Just like how he wore different socks on each foot. He liked that they unknowingly matched.

“Now we are no longer strangers, I think you need to tell me where we are going?”

Spencer looked towards the doors and noticed that they were actually soon to arrive to his stop.

“I was going to visit the museum. The next stop is my one.”

Y/N looked at the door and nodded.

“Cool. So, can I join?”

Even though she had already said she was joining him twice, Spencer did not think she actually meant it. He stuttered through his words as his thoughts blazed around his head.

Y/N could see his mind going into overdrive.

“Hey.”

Spencer looked down at the shorter woman in front of him. He wondered why she seemed so worried.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I tend to come off as quite strong but something about you tells me I need to know more. I want to know more. Spend more time with you. I’d love to see the things Dr Spencer Reid, who has three PHDs and was reading one of my favourite books when I hopped on the train, had planned to see today. I will only join you if it is something you want.”

Spencer felt the subway cart come to a stop and saw the doors in his peripheral open.

He was tired of living life through the view of work before anything else. The few moments of happiness he had was taken away by not allowing himself to be spontaneous. To be with them in person. So, for the second time that day, Spencer grabbed a hold of Y/N’s hand, ignoring the facts and statistics of germs and bacteria running through his mind.

Pulling her towards the doors, the pair stepped off the subway cart and onto the platform.

People walked around the pair as they stood facing each other, staring at one another with their hands entwined.

Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I would like if you would join me to the museum. I would like to spend more time with you too.”

Y/N smiled at Spencer’s words. With the hand still not in his grasp, Y/N lifted her arm towards the subway exist.

“Well, lead the way Dr Spencer Reid.”

Spencer did just that.

In silence the pair walked the short distance from the subway station to the museum. Their hands interlocked at their sides as Y/N looked around at the buildings by them. Spencer couldn’t help but glance towards the woman. He couldn’t understand why he felt so different with her. The warmth in his chest was still there, and it felt as though it was growing and spreading with every breath he took. His hand in her own was something he wished to never lose. It was like being enveloped in the softest blanket known to man. This stranger who sat by his feet on the subway has made him feel more comfortable and step out of his comfort zone more than any of his friends or family ever have. But why?

Coming to the doors of the museum, Spencer opened the door for Y/N to enter before him; letting go of her hand to do so. He felt empty without her hand in his. He couldn’t believe how empty his palm now felt.

“I’ve never been to this museum before.”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at the shocked look on Spencer’s face. As though what she said was the most shocking thing he had ever heard.

Before she could even make a joke about his expression, Spencer suddenly turned down a corridor.

“Woah! Slow down Doc!”

Spencer slowed down his pace.

“I’m sorry. It’s just this is my favourite place and I want to show you everything it has to offer.”

Y/N smiled at Spencer’s bashful behaviour. She couldn’t help her own cheeks blushing at the thought that this kind man wanted to show her around his favourite place. To think she had only met him a mere hour before.

Giving Spencer’s a comforting smile, Y/N bumped her shoulder with his own.

“I have a feeling that I am going to learn a lot with you as my tour guide.”

Spencer led the way as they walked through the corridors, reciting information about each exhibit they come across, stuttering when he felt Y/N’s hands brush his own as they walked side by side.

Just as Spencer was about the point Y/N to the next exhibit, he felt her hands slowly clasp around his own. Her smooth fingers fitting perfectly into the gaps between his rough appendages.

“Is this okay?”

Spencer smiled in delight, squeezing her hand in reassurance as he pulled Y/N in the direction they had been heading.

Walking hand in hand down the hall, Spencer silently led Y/N to one of his favourite parts of the museum. As they entered the room, Y/N’s eyes could not miss the large rock exhibited in the middle of the room, people sporadically standing around the object.

“What is that?”

Spencer’s chest became warm at the look of wonder on Y/N’s face as they walked closer to the exhibit.

“That is the Willamette Meteorite. It was found in Oregon and is the largest ever meteorite found in the United States and the sixth largest in the world. The smooth surface melted during its blazing entry into the atmosphere, while the pits formed on the Earth's surface. Iron meteorites form when large enough asteroids have had molten interiors catastrophically collide with other asteroids. These huge collisions blast out material from the molten iron core of the asteroid on orbits that reach Earth after millions of years.”

Y/N continued her wonderous gaze as they let go of Spencer’s hand, walking around the meteorite, taking in every crevice and crater. Spencer could usually spend hours staring at the meteor, but right now he could not tear his haze away from Y/N as she took her time looking at the artefact.

Turning to look at Spencer, Y/N wanted to find out more.

“How was it made? Like is it a piece of something much bigger?”

Spencer looked at the meteorite that stood much taller than all of them.

“The internal structure, made of metallic iron, suggests that billions of years ago, an early planet orbiting the Sun was shattered, perhaps in a collision with another protoplanet. The fragment was probably part of the planet’s iron-nickel core. While planets, including Earth gradually formed and matured, this fragment orbited the Sun. It was hit at least twice by other planetary fragments, knocking it into a collision course with Earth. Over many centuries, rainwater interacting with its iron sulphide deposits produced sulfuric acid, which slowly etched and carved large cavities.”

Spencer waited for a response, but as the seconds passed in silence. Had he freaked her out? Had he gone too far? Spencer moved his gaze from the meteor to Y/N, to see her staring at the meteorite in awe.

“Woah.”

Spencer laughed at her exclamation. His head dipping down to try and cover his reddening cheeks.

“Woah indeed.”

Y/N couldn’t help the blush now invading her cheeks. Walking back towards Spencer, Y/N nudged the genius’s shoulder with her own, gaining his attention. Spencer turned his head to look back at Y/N.

“It’s crazy how we get to look at something that was once part of something much bigger. Something that could have housed life and all sorts of wonderous things and yet, here sits part of its core, on our planet, in one of our museums. Now a part of something much bigger again.”

Spencer and Y/N looked at each other in silence. Taking in the moment and her words. Both of them acknowledging that they too were part of something much bigger, much more meaningful than they had every thought about.

A clicking sound broke the moment.

Turning around, Spencer and Y/N both saw an older gentleman pointing a polaroid camera towards the pair.

Realising that the pair had turned around the gentleman walked up towards them and handed over the picture.

“It still has to develop.”

Y/N looked down at the picture in Spencer’s hand as it slowly developed.

“Can you take another one? Just so we can have one each.”

The man nodded at Y/N question, stepping back to where he stood before.

Y/N moved her hand to clasp Spencer’s once more, tilting her head to lay on his shoulder, a smile blossomed on her face as she looked towards the camera.

Spencer’s own gaze was fixed on her. His eyes taking in the slope of her nose and the feel of her hair tickling his neck. Usually, if he was ever this close to anyone, let alone a woman, he would start to sweat and panic. And yet, all Spencer could feel was what he could only describe as serene. Spencer had never felt serene until now.

Being shaken out of his stare by the click of the man’s camera once more, Spencer looked to see the man handing Y/N the picture as she rummaged through her bag.

“No need to pay me.”

Y/N shook her head.

“I insist.”

The man moved forward, placing his hand on Y/N’s shoulder.

“I gave you the picture because sometimes it is nice to look back where it all began.”

The old man looked Spencer in the eye and gave him a wink, causing Spencer to blush.

“Both of you, enjoy your day, and may I suggest if you get hungry, try Giovani’s Café down the street.”

Spencer cocked his head.

“Is it good?”

The man laughed as he walked backwards, nodded his head.

“I should know, I am Giovanni after all!”

Laughter rumbled from the pair as they watched the older gentlemen walk out the door, his polaroid camera in hand. As their laughter died, Y/N looked down at the now developed picture in her hand. Spencer in turn looked at his own.

The picture was beautiful. With the light from outside cascading through the windows, creating almost a halo of light around the pair, the meteorite had never looked bigger than when Spencer saw the back of his and Y/N’s figures standing in front of it. But what Spencer couldn’t take his eyes away from was the fact that in the picture, Y/N was not looking at the meteorite. She was looking at him. If he looked hard enough, he could see a smile on her face. So soft and so beautiful.

The comforting silence of the pair looking at their polaroids was suddenly shattered when Spencer’s ringtone filled the air. Spencer couldn’t help but let his shoulders drop in disappointment.

“I’m so sorry, I just have to take this.”

Y/N smiled in acknowledgment,

“Go ahead, I’m just going to take a look over here.”

Spencer nodded as he watched her walk across the hall, examining the pictures and their information plaques as he answered his phone.

“Hello.”

“We got a case Pretty Boy. Wheels up in 50 minutes.”

Spencer rubbed his head at Morgan’s voice.

“Okay.”

Morgan could hear the disappointment in Spencer’s tone.

“Are we interrupting something?”

Spencer kept his eyes on Y/N as he took a second to answer.

“Yeah. But I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

Morgan chuckled.

“Okay, Genius, see you later.”

Spencer hung up his phone. Walking towards where Y/N still stood, he tapped the woman on her shoulder.

As she turned, Y/N took in Spencer’s solemn look.

“Is everything okay?”

Spencer shook his head.

“Work called. I have to leave. I’m sorry.”

Y/N smiled in understanding.

“Work is work, whatever it may be. No need to be sorry. I had an amazing day that I didn’t think I would have.”

Spencer stared Y/N in her eyes, a little smile adorning his face.

“I did too. I have to go. But can we meet again?”

Y/N nodded her head, her own smile lighting her face.

“Yeah. I would like that.

Spencer grinned as he began to turn around, walking towards the corridors exit, waving as he left. He began to walk down the stairs when he suddenly heard his name.

“Spencer, wait!”

Spencer turned around to see Y/N running down the stairs towards him, polaroid in hand.

Stopping in front of him, as Y/N stood on the steps above Spencer, she was nearly as tall as the boy wonder.

“You dropped this.”

“Thank you.”

As Spencer went to reach for the picture, Y/N pulled it out of his reach.

He watched with bated breath as she carefully put the picture in the breast pocket of his jacket, tapping his jacket where the picture now safely sat.

“Now go before your boss gets angry at you for being late.”

Laughing at her truthful words, Spencer once again waved towards the girl, rushing down the steps as he looked at his watch, realising that he was going to be late. But even with that knowledge, as he opened the exit door of the museum, Spencer turned to wave goodbye to Y/N once more. Watching as she waved back, before he allowed the door to close behind him.

Spencer walked to the jet as briskly as he could, breathing heavily from the sprint through the airport, just about getting through easily with his badge.

Trotting up the steps, Spencer leaped into the jet, quickly taking the seat next to Emily, his breath heavy as he took in deep breaths.

The team ceased their conversation, all looking at Spencer in confusion and worry.

“Sorry I’m late, what’s the case?”

Spencer ignored the strange looks and elongated silence.

Hotch quickly broke it.

“We’re heading to Akron, Ohio. We got two murdered couples with the men both being found with used condoms on and Viagra in their systems. In both cases, the husbands were killed with a silenced 9-millimeter, the wife was stabbed multiple times. We’re meeting up with the Akron P.D when we get there. Everything you need is in the file.”

Spencer nodded his head as he grabbed the file from Hotch, opening the papers as the plane took off.

Briskly looking through the file, Spencer began to detail notes in his notebook about possible suspects and details the others may have missed. But as he scribbled, Spencer could feel the stares of Emily, Morgan, and JJ as they all sat by him. Fed up, Spencer lifted his head, flittering his gaze between them all.

“Can I help?”

“Why was you late?”

Spencer looked at Morgan.

“I was at the museum.”

“That’s the truth but why was you late?”

Spencer turned his eyes to Emily, confusion littering his features.

“I was at the museum, I had to get on the subway and get here.”

JJ tilted her head as Spencer looked between the trio.

The weight of their gazes quickly caused him to break.

“I was late because I was at the museum with someone.”

At his statement, everyone on the jet turned towards Spencer. Even Hotch had Spencer’s undivided attention.

Emily twisted to face the genius, a smirk on her face as she crossed her arms.

“Go on Romeo, tell us all about them.”

Spencer knew he could not get out of this. So, he began to begrudgingly tell his team about his day and the person he spent it with.

“Then after the gentleman took our picture, I got the call. I said goodbye and rushed over here.”

The team all looked at Spencer with mixtures of pride and happiness.

“Did you get her number?”

The looks soon turned to disbelief as Spencer bowed his head in shock.

“You had an amazing day with a woman you don’t know, which is something unlike you, and you failed to get her number? Pretty boy, I am very disappointed. I’ve taught you better than that.”

Shaking his head at Morgan’s playful words, Spencer couldn’t help his own disappointment take over. He can’t believe he didn’t ask her for her number. Rossi walked over and patted the man on his shoulder in reassurance.

“At least you got a picture to remember her.”

Spencer slowly nodded, solemnly reaching into his breast pocket to pull the picture out. But, as Spencer looked at the picture, he realised that she had handed him the second picture they had taken.

Spencer looked at the polaroid and couldn’t believe how comfortable he looked with her. Their hands interlaced as Y/N smiled brightly towards the camera. Spencer’s smile was directed towards the woman next time him, warm and content. He had never looked so at peace before. Yet, he still forgot to ask for her number.

As Spencer was about the place the picture back in his pocket, he paused his movement as Hotch spoke up.

“If I was you, I would check the back of that picture Reid.”

Looking at the people in front of him, he could see that they were all now smiling, looking at him expectedly, waiting for the man to look at the back of the picture. Flipping the picture over, Spencer couldn’t help the smile that blossomed over his face. His eyes crinkling from how large it was. On the back of the picture, a message was written.

“Meeting you made me feel part of something much bigger. Something I would love to explore. Give me a call if you want to as well.”

Underneath the message lay Y/N’s phone number.

Spencer lifted his head and looked around at his team. Pointing his thumb over his shoulder, he began to stand.

“I’m just going to…”

Emily pushed him up as the rest of the team laughed.

“Hurry up and call her Spence, no point in waiting!”

Spencer nodded his head in a flurry as JJ shooed him to the back of the jet.

Walking passed the team, Rossi and Derek patted him on the back, as Hotch nodded his head. They were all happy for him.

Walking into the jet’s toilet, Spencer locked the door and pulled out his phone. Flipping the picture in his opposing hand, he quickly dialled the number, clicking the call button before he could change his mind.

Just as he contemplated hanging up, the ringing stopped, and he heard an answer.

“Hello?”

“I want to be a part of something bigger. I want to explore it too.”

“Really?”

Spencer could feel the smile radiating from Y/N over the phone. A breathy laugh leaving his mouth as he realised, he was nodding his head instead of talking.

“Really.”

Spencer was not the type of person to sit in the bathroom on a plane talking to someone on the phone that he only met that morning. Even more so, having met that someone because they sat on the floor of the subway instead of the seats. Yet, here he was, in the bathroom talking to Y/N and getting to know her more. Spencer felt like the Willamette Meteorite. He had been broken and steered down different courses over the years, feeling like he would never be part of anything bigger than the family that was his team. But now, he felt like he was finally going to be a part of something bigger. Something extraordinary.

Never expected to meet you. When I met you I never expected you to become my everything and more than I could have ever dreamed of. - Maria Ana Bulquerin.

A/N- Thank you for the support. If you wish to in anyway, Please donate to the link below.

[nelson-et-murdock]

Home - Luke Alvez

*not my gif*

One-shot detailing the reader’s time with Luke and the BAU as they return from a 6-month sabbatical

Warnings: angst mixed with fluff, BAU! Reader, fem reader.

Didn’t proofread so possible occasional errors

Other Details: Reader has PhDs in Psychology and Anthropology with masters in Sociology and Criminal Justice

Pairing: Luke Alvez x fem BAU! Reader. Platonic team x reader. Maybe some mistakes here and there

Flashbacks/memories are in italics and bolded

Word Count: 4.6K

As you drove to Quantico, a familiar feeling started to consume you. It had been over 6 months since you last saw the inside of the BAU. As much as you missed the people you had grown to know, you were unsure of how smoothly your return would go. It wasn’t long before you pulled into the parking lot and made your way into the building and to the elevator. You weren’t officially reinstated to the unit yet due to delays in paperwork and had therefore only been in contact with Emily about your return. The feeling in your stomach as you approached the 6th floor was very reminiscent of your first day with the unit.

Despite having been part of the FBI for years, you still got first-day jitters when you approached the building. You had met with Emily Prentiss a few times prior when your name had been put in for the open position, but you had no idea who anyone else was or how they’d react to a new agent joining the team. You knew full well that the BAU was the crown jewel of the FBI and that there was going to be a lot of pressure to live up to any expectations.

As you made your way to the BAU, you fidgeted with the messenger bag you kept your things in, being in the FBI you found it much more useful than carrying around a purse. After calming your nerves you slowly made your way to Emily’s office, with the help of who would later learn was Spencer.

As you walked towards Emily’s office, Luke spotted you far before you spotted him. Quiet murmurs around the bullpen speculating who you were and what you needed to see Prentiss about were just out of earshot. The conversation with Prentiss was short before the two of you walked out of her office and into the conference room for Prentiss to introduce you to the team.

“As I’m sure you’re all aware we have a new agent joining us. This is Dr. y/n y/ln and I believe she’ll be an excellent addition to the team,” she stated. Quick individual introductions were done and the entire atmosphere was generally accepting yet professional. That was until you got to Luke and had to act like it was the first time you had met, well aware that no one on the team knew about your time spent with him.

“Luke Alvez, I look forward to working with you,” he said coldly, in a way that the team would chalk up to him having a bad day but that you knew was residual anger he had for you.

“Likewise,” you responded with a small smile despite the slight pang in your chest at the sight of the man you once knew.

Not long after you joined the BAU, Penelope had become suspicious of the way you acted around Luke. You had warmed up to everyone in the unit, except for him. One day she had wanted answers and the most she would get from either of you was “We just don’t get along Garcia it’s nothing important.” Even without being a profiler, Garcia could tell there was more to the story than that.

When she got a few spare minutes during a case she did a deep dive into your personal history, looking for anything in your past connecting to Luke.

Garcia didn’t know what to expect when she went digging into you, but it definitely wasn’t that you previously had an over 2-year long relationship with Luke. Garcia had gotten so caught up in finding out what went down between you and Luke that she didn’t hear footsteps approaching in time to close her search.

“Hey Garcia..” you started but tapered off as you saw the screens before you. “I - Prentiss needed - shit sorry I uh,” you tried to get Garcia back on topic for the case but fumbled on the words.

“No no don’t be sorry. I’m so sorry I did this. I know I shouldn’t have looked into your past with Newbie but I couldn’t understand why you guys don’t get along. I mean I get not liking him because he’s Newbie but you. You’re this little ray of sunshine girl wonder. I can’t believe he broke your heart like that-” she started to ramble on but you cut her off before she could continue.

“I left him,” you said hoping it would satiate her curiosity.

“Details? You can’t just drop that on me and not give me details. Did he do something? Was he a bad boyfriend? Should I hate him for it?”

“No, he did nothing wrong, it was all on me. I was scared he started talking about marriage and kids and he had the right to we had been together for nearly 3 years and I wasn’t sure if I was ready so I requested a transfer to a California field office and when it was approved I told him I got a job offer I couldn’t pass up and I left him.”

“Do you still love him?”

“I think part of me always will but Garcia this stays between us. I mean it, don’t tell anyone.”

“My lips are sealed. If you need anything the batcave is always open to have you,” she said as she stood up to embrace you in a hug.

Little did you know, Luke was having a very similar conversation with Matt down the hall.

The ding of the elevator signaling your arrival on the 6th floor shook you out of your thoughts. The closer you got to where you needed to be, the more anxious your return was making you. While you had come across a few bad cases, a few stuck out to you in particular, including the first one you had with the unit, which ultimately allowed you to reconnect with Luke.

The first difficult case for the team since you joined took more of a toll on you than you would like to admit. Once everyone was on the jet you took a seat and hoped to avoid any conversation about how you were feeling that day. You flashed a few small smiles at your colleagues in an attempt to let them know you were okay without actually saying anything. For the most part, your plan had been successful. That was until Luke had noticed the way you had been acting.

“Is it okay if I join you?” he asked motioning to the empty seat beside you. You silently nodded and avoided looking at him as he took a seat beside you. “I know we aren’t exactly close anymore but you can still come to me if you need anything,” he told you as you silently nodded.

“I know - I just. Can we talk about it later? I’d rather not talk about it right now,” you responded, finally looking his way.

“Of course. If you feel comfortable coming over tonight we can talk at my place. I know Roxy misses you,” he said with a smile.

“I’d like that. Thank you.” The rest of the time on the jet was spent in comfortable silence.

Upon getting back to the bullpen, you and Luke decided it would be best for him to drive you to his place after the two of you were done with the reports you had to write. As you sat at your desk and took out the files of papers you needed to complete, you couldn’t bring yourself to concentrate. As your mind kept replaying the events of the previous week, it was apparent you were becoming frustrated. It didn’t take Luke long to see that you were struggling and to tell Prentiss he was going to take you home for the night to make sure you were doing okay before heading over to your desk.

“You’ve done enough work today, let’s get out of here,” Luke whispered to you as you nodded. “I’ll meet you at the elevator in 5 minutes so no one thinks anything about us leaving at the same time,” he told you, knowing you wouldn’t like the idea of any possible attention on you that could come with the two of you leaving together.

The ride to Luke’s was much quicker than you had remembered it to be. Neither one of you two said very much and just let the radio play at a low volume. For most of the ride, you watched out the window while Luke focused on driving, occasionally looking your way to check that you were okay. As he pulled into his driveway, you realized how much you missed Luke and the sense of safety and comfort he provided for you.

The two of you talked about why the case had bothered you so much more than you had expected, and it soon turned to talking about whatever came to your mind. “I miss you. I know we work together now and that I’m the one who left but I really miss you, Luke. I miss spending time with you and the random updates we gave each other when you were gone and overall I just miss you. I think that’s why I struggled so much with this case when I didn’t hear back from you when you were in the field because I couldn’t live with myself if something happened and you didn’t know how I felt,” you started to ramble on.

“I’ve missed you too y/n,” Luke responded as he draped his arm around your shoulders pulling you closer to him, “I miss waking up and knowing you were either right next to me or that you were a phone call away.” Checking the time, Luke placed a kiss on your temple before whispering “Let’s get some sleep it’s getting late”

You nodded in response before the two of you got ready for bed. After changing into a pair of Luke’s sweatpants and an old shirt, you crawled into the bed the two of you had shared so many times before and eventually fell asleep in the arms you had previously grown to associate with comfort and safety.

As you walked down the hall, you passed the spot you were standing when you got an offer to lead a study and return to anthropology. It was a temporary out from profiling but it was something that you had missed doing. Upon getting the offer, a range of emotions flowed through you, yet it took nearly 2 weeks to tell Luke and another 2 weeks to tell anyone else.

The day started like any other day-off with Luke. The two of you slept until around noon and laid around just enjoying each other’s company. Working together didn’t allow for much personal time together as you had to remain professional when on cases. Prentiss didn’t mind when it was a paperwork day that you guys spent time at each other’s desks, so long as PDA was kept to a minimum, which it always was. However, it wasn’t the same as getting to just spend time together without having to worry about catching an unsub or fill out a report in time with no errors.

While laying in bed, the offer to lead an anthropological study at the University of Michigan kept eating at you. You had limited time to make a decision and respond to the offer. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to bring the topic up with Luke and you couldn’t make a decision without informing him of the offer first.

“Is everything okay princesa?” Luke asked, noticing the sudden change in your emotions.

“Yeah, there’s just something I need to talk to you about,” you responded looking up at him. “But I need you to hear me out and keep in mind that I haven’t made a decision yet and that nothing is final.”

“You’re beginning to worry me,” he started, “Are you sure nothing is wrong?”

“I was offered the chance to lead an anthropological study,” you stated, leaving him speechless. Memories of when you left him flooding back. You could tell by the look on his face that he was worried this was the beginning of the end for the two of you once again. “I know what you’re thinking and it isn’t like that this time. I know I did something similar when I left but I promise I’m different now. The study is through the University of Michigan and it’s only slated to take 6-months if not less. It’s primarily overseeing graduate students as they conduct a study. I’d be able to set my own office hours so that we can talk as often as possible. I just don’t know if I want to take the offer.”

“You sound invested in the study already. What would be keeping you from taking it?” he asked, his voice full of support for you. All he ever wanted was for you to achieve your dreams. When you didn’t immediately answer he spoke again, “Is it me? Is that why you might not take it?”

You slowly nodded in response, “I feel like I just got you back and now I might be leaving, and what if things don’t work out with us not in the same state?”

“Princesa, listen to me. If you promise that this is nothing like last time and that you aren’t doing this in an attempt to leave then I trust you. We can figure out us as the situation comes up and I’m confident we can work out this time around. Whatever you decide I am forever proud of you and in awe of all that you’ve accomplished.”

“I love you,” was all you could think to respond with.

“I love you too princesa,” Luke said, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

Two weeks had passed since you told Luke of the news when a really difficult case had seemed to take a toll on pretty much everyone. After the case, it was decided that those who were able to would come over to the house you shared with Luke to decompress. Spencer and Garcia came and spent the entire day, and much of the night, with the two of you. Having extended the invite to significant others, Matt brought Kristy by to visit with everyone after they found a sitter around 7:30.

Once everyone who planned on coming was there, it didn’t take long for everyone to get caught up in conversations about personal lives. The conversation started with asking Matt and Kristy about their kids and eventually, everyone started talking about overall changes in their lives. “So girl wonder,” Matt started, referring to you by a name originally bestowed on you by Garcia before it caught on to the rest of the team, “Luke said you got an offer to lead a pretty interesting study is that right?”

“Yeah. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone I haven’t made a decision yet. The department I’d be overseeing for it ran into some problems and the start date has been pushed back. It would be nice to get away from the dark and scary parts of this job and back to what I started with but I’d miss you guys too much.”

“Would it be permanent?” Spencer asked. The two of you had grown close since you joined the unit and while he wanted to be excited for you, he would be lying if he said the idea of you leaving didn’t upset him at all.

“No,” you started to say, “It’s slated to last 6-months but there’s no guarantee the study will be finished in time.”

“Are you still going to work at the BAU when you come back?” Garcia questioned.

“I’m not sure. If I’m being completely honest, I’ve been struggling with deciding lately if I’m a good fit for the unit, but I plan to stay with the bureau somehow,” you answered hesitantly.

The rest of the night was spent answering questions about the study and getting support from those around you. By the time everyone was ready to leave, you felt completely comfortable knowing that whatever decision you came to, you would have a support system of amazing friends.

Looking back, you should have noticed that the number of times you were having trouble with cases was more of a problem than you should have was a sign you needed to step away from the job. The cases themselves weren’t getting harder, but you personally were having a harder time with them. The longer you were with the unit, the more issues you had been having an increasingly difficult time coping after them. You would have thought they would have gotten easier to manage, but you found yourself struggling every time you felt a decision you made could have changed the outcome of a case. In your previous position before the BAU, you felt powerless as the victims were long gone and often one-off crimes and you felt switching to the BAU and being able to get killers off the street would make you feel better as you’d be helping get active killers off the street. However, you were extremely wrong, and the feeling that you could, no that you should, have stopped their killers before it was too late became too much for you and you decided to take a step back from the unit.

“Y/ln, we need to talk in my office,” Prentiss said as you entered the bullpen.

“Yes ma’am,” you responded, setting your go-bag down on your desk before you made your way to where she was standing. The entire team knew exactly what Prentiss needed to talk to you about and a few members even gave you sympathetic looks as you crossed the bullpen.

“Before we start I just want to say I’m sorry. I know what I did was against protocol,” you started.

“That’s not why you’re in here,” Emily cut you off. “While what you did was unacceptable, you’re here because I’m worried about you. In these past 2 cases, you’ve shown reckless behavior, as if you’re trying to get yourself hurt. I’m not mad at you, but I do need you to let me know if anything is going on that is affecting your ability to do this job.”

You silently nodded as she spoke. The more she said, the more you began to question your place in the unit. “Thank you. I’ve just had some personal problems the past week but I should be good to go now,” you said lying through your teeth.

“Just let me know if anything changes. Your health and personal well-being are more important than this job.”

The next week the BAU was called in to help with another tough case. While it wasn’t the first tough case you encountered in the time you had been with the BAU, this one was worse than others.

The victims are similar in both age and appearance to a close family member of yours and it had made it difficult for you to concentrate in the field the way you needed to. At one point you had even froze and almost didn’t get to a victim in time. For the entirety of the case, you were closed off from everyone when it didn’t involve work.

Upon returning to the BAU, everyone slowly dispersed their desks and you made your way to Prentiss’s office. Her door was open but you still knocked quietly before entering. “Can we talk?”

“Of course, come in.”

You could tell from the sympathetic look on her face that she knew what you needed to say. As you sat across from her she waited for you to speak. After letting out a small sigh you found the confidence to admit what was happening, “I think I need to step away from this job.”

With a silent nod, she grabbed the appropriate paperwork from her file cabinet, “I knew this day was coming. Luke told me you had been having nightmares lately. Fill out these papers and return them to me as soon as possible. If you opt for a sabbatical instead of completely leaving it should take roughly 2 weeks for it to be approved. In the meantime, you would still be a member of the team but be able to use the vacation days you have or you can be solely a desk agent and assist Garcia. Whichever one you choose I, as well as the rest of the team, will be here for you and have enjoyed working with you.”

Fighting tears that had started to form as she spoke, you nodded and said a quiet thank you before leaving her office. Setting the papers down on your desk on the way, you headed towards Garcia’s office to let her know you planned on leaving.

Once you were out of earshot, JJ had peeked at the papers you had set down. “What is it?” Spencer asked, almost not wanting to know the answer.

“Y/ln is leaving the unit,” she responded, voice full of confusion. As she spoke everyone turned to Luke and he nodded slightly in response, confirming you were leaving the family you had grown to love.

After your sabbatical was approved, you accepted the offer to lead the study. Much to your dismay, the team was insistent on throwing you a going-away party, despite knowing you were going to come back in 6 months. You told the team that if they insisted on having a gathering at Rossi’s place that it needed to be something that the members of the unit with kids could bring them with, feeling there was no point in, “saying goodbye to a family member” as Rossi had put it, without all of the family members being there.

“Remind me again why we have to make a big deal of me leaving? I already said goodbye to the team and I’ll be back and with the unit again in less than a year,” you wondered aloud to Luke as you pulled into Rossi’s driveway.

“Because princesa, it’ll make Rossi happy to get to throw you a party and its tradition, regardless of how long the leave will be. And besides, the kids want to see you before you leave for 6 months,” he reminded you.

“You got me there,” you said with a smile before kissing his cheek. “Let’s head in before we’re late.”

Shortly after you guys made your way inside and to the backyard, Matt and Kristy had arrived with their kids. The kids knew why you were having a going away party and instantly ran to you when they saw you. When you noticed the kids running up to you, both you and Luke knelt to prepare for the number of hugs you were about to get. Due to offering to babysit when Matt and Kristy needed time to themselves, the kids had grown to see you as an aunt and Luke as an uncle. The same could be said for Henry and Michael, who showed up with JJ and Will shortly after the Simmons had arrived. The next couple of minutes were spent answering any questions the kids could think to ask you, in the most kid-friendly way you could.

“You’ll be back by my birthday right?” David asked looking up at you. In the time you had known the kids, you hadn’t missed a birthday for any of them.

“Of course I will buddy,” you responded. 

“What about our stories?” Chloe asked.

“Yeah who is gonna tell us our stories while you’re gone?” While they had the Simmons Stories, the ones you told were different. You told them stories of the different cultures you studied and the different ways parts of the universe were believed to have come into existence.

“I have them all written down. I can leave them with Luke and he can read them to you,” you reassured all of them. 

As the night went on, many memories from your time with the unit were shared with the group. Even though you planned to come back as soon as the study was over, knowing they would spend the next 6 months without you seemed to make everyone nostalgic.

Near the end of the night, everyone started saying their goodbyes. It was particularly hard to say goodbye to Spencer, knowing nearly everyone else he had gotten close to had left him as well. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing you managed to say to him. “I know you hate goodbyes and struggle with change but I promise I will come back and if not to work with the unit at least for our weekly coffee shop visits.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You’re doing what you have to do,” he responded as you opened your arms to offer him a hug. You were always the first to initiate hugs and he usually accepted them.

“I’ll miss you, Spence. You already have my cell phone number and the phone number for my office for the next 6 months. Call me anytime you need me,” you told him while hugging him.

“I’m proud of you. I’ll miss you too y/nn,” he said as you pulled apart.

“See you in 6 months.”

As you made your way into the bullpen you took note of the date. It was 6 months and 4 days since you had seen any of the team face-to-face. While you kept personal contact with the entire team while you were away, you hadn’t told anyone except for Emily that you were planning on coming back to the team. Luke knew when the study would end and was expecting to see you at home later that night, assuming that the team didn’t get a case that pulled him away.

When you entered the bullpen, Matt was the first to notice your arrival. He was already standing at Luke’s desk to ask him a question related to a report he was writing and flashed a small smile in your direction before nudging Luke on the arm, “Why didn’t you tell anyone y/n was returning today?”

Not thinking you were actually there, Luke brushed off Matt. “She isn’t coming home until later tonight and told me even if she does return to the unit it would take some time for her to be reinstated,” he responded, not even looking up from his file.

Knowing he wouldn’t look up from his file right away, you talked quietly with everyone else before approaching his desk. You brought back small trinkets for everyone and placed a small handmade miniature Roxy in front of him. “One of the students I was overseeing made it when she saw a picture of you and Roxy as my phone background to help me cope with being away from you. I figured since I’m home now you could use it more,” you explained as if it wasn’t the first time you were seeing your boyfriend in over 6 months.

Luke watched silently as you spoke, a smile creeping onto his face when he processed you were actually there in front of him. As he stood up from his chair, he quickly wrapped his arms around you before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You’re home?” he asked, trying to comprehend your arrival. 

“I’m home,” you responded with a smile as you looked up at him. 

“I’ve missed you so much, you can’t leave me for that long again,” he said with a smile.

Before you could respond, Garcia came speeding out of her office due to having heard of your return from JJ. “Girl wonder! You’re back! Are you staying with us? You can’t leave me with Newbie for that long ever again,” she exclaimed as she approached you.

“Yes, I’m back. Weaning back into the job and will be on desk duty here and helping you for the first 2 weeks but I’m back,” you told her.

[ginazmemeoir]

Bhaiyyaaaa story plej

here you go. it's about how sibling rivalry leads to slavery, gambling/betting can indeed destroy your life, and following what people say by the word is indeed a good thing cause words be sneaky.

yes this is the story of Garuda, the Emperor of Birds, King of Eagles, Destroyer of snakes and poison, Vahana of Vishnu.

So we start with Kadru and Vinata. Both sisters, and both married to Rishi Kashyap along with their 21 other sisters. And both of these, were involved in a bitter rivalry. The kind of rivalry where you ruin your sister's date cause she used your lipstick without asking you, and then the other sister shreds your PhD thesis. This is the shit I'm talking about.

And then one day they got into a typical desi aunty squabble : who's children are better? THEY WEREN'T EVEN PREGNANT THEN. So Kadru asks Kashyap for 100 children, sparkling like molten gold, draconic in features blah blah blah basically she asked for snakes, or nagas as children. All nagas in the world are her children. Vinata on the other hand asked for 2 children, both mightier than Kadru's children. Kadru laid 100 eggs, and Vinata laid 2. (WHY DID THEY LAY EGGS. WHY?)

Anywho Kadru's eggs hatched pretty soon, and her thousand children sprang forth. These included Ananta or Sheshanag, the thousand headed snake which controls the flow of time, on whose hoods the earth stands and on whose coils Vishnu rests; Takshaka, the Second Naga King, who poisoned Arjuna's grandson Parikshit; and Vasuki, the Third Naga King, who is coiled around Shiva's neck and whose daughters Uloopi and Sulochana were married to Arjuna and Meghanad respectively. So you can guess Kadru's children were pretty legendary. Meanwhile Vinata's egg were just... there. They didn't hatch. They didn't glow. You couldn't make an omelet out of them because they were the size of a car or something like that. So Vinata grew restless and cracked an egg open one day, and out came Aruna, the gender fluid god of dawn (you might also know them as Usha, the goddess of dawn). And they were EXTREMELY strong and angry and had no body from the waist down, because they were born before their time. So they cursed Vinata, saying she would be enslaved someday (sheesh. cold).

And the fated day came during a holiday. Kadru and Vinata were taking a walk down the beach when they saw Ucchaishravas, the King of Horses. He also breathes fire, can fly, is as white as moonlight, has ten heads, and can eat meat. Vinata looked at him and said, "Just look at him, I bet he's shinier than all the pearls and moons" and Kadru, in her normal behaviour and contradicted her by saying, "Nah bitch, look over there, he has a black strand in his tail." Vinata obviously said no to which Kadru said, "Wanna bet? Loser and her children would be slaves to the other for eternity." And so in such high risk situations - you say yes even though you know your sister's a dirty cheater. Kadru knew she had lied, and also knew she couldn't lose, so she ordered her children to coil themselves around Ucchaishravas' tail to make it look black, to which many replied "Nah mama ya big liar" to which Kadru replied "Nah you ungrateful brats I curse you to be burnt alive in the future with your entire subspecies". The rest of them got in line pretty easily then.

Both of them came the second day, and obviously. Ucchraivas' tail hair was black since the snakes were coiled around it. And poor poor Vinata was reduced to Kadru and her children's slave. And her son, Garuda, a half man-half eagle, was born into slavery.

Garuda hated the way the snakes treated him and his momma. One incident includes a teenage Garuda (big as a mountain now) carrying all the snakes on his back and flying across the ocean, while Kadru sat on his momma's back as she swam. In a fit of rage, he flew too close to the sun in an attempt to kill all snakes by burning them. Kadru immediately prayed to Indra, King of Gods and god of rain and thunder, who has always been a friend of the nagas, to protect them, and so he covered the sky with dense clouds.

Now came a time when Garuda became fed up. Enough is enough, slavery is evil, and plus the snakes made SUCH a huge mess. So he asked them what he could do to free him and his momma, to which the snakes replied, "Bring ussss Amrit, the nectar of immortality." Great. So all you have to do is steal the nectar of immortality, stashed in the most secure location in heaven, wrestle gods, and give it to some evil noodles. Garuda obviuosly said yes.

On his way to heaven, he ate a huge ass elephant and turtle, who were locked in an eternal battle. Not relevant but seemed like a neat thing to add.

Garuda arrives on the gates of Swarga. He breaks 'em open, and flies in, defeats all the gods, no sweat, steals the Amrit and flies away. On his way, he is intercepted by Lord Vishnu, who says "Dem noodles are too powerful. You can't make them immortal." to which Garuda replies "Don't be afraid mysterious alien. I have no intention of letting the bastards have it." because you see dear reader, the nagas told Garuda to bring them the Amrit. They never told him to let them drink it. See, following everything by the word is so fun.

Garuda reaches down, and places the Amrit-kalash in front of the snakes. The Nagas immediately freed him and his mother from slavery, and when they slithered closer to the amrit, Garuda advised them to go and have a bath. "You must be so tired from waiting," and the greedy bastards slithered away to bathe. When they returned, the amrit was gone. So was Garuda. In desperation, they started licking the ground where the amrit pot was kept. Since the ground has graced the amrit, it acquired some of it's regenerative properties, hence snakes are able to shed skin. But even that was too strong for them so the grass blades slit their tongues into forks.

Garuda went back to Swarga to return the amrit, when Vishnu again intercepted him and said, "You have the amrit this entire time and yet you didn't want to drink it?" to which Garuda replied, "No. I wanted to free momma and myself. Also this smells a bit weird." "I require your services young man, as wingman and transport and minion." asked Vishnu, to which Garuda replied "Mmkay, but I ain't gonna be beneath you. I also gotta be above you" for which Vishnu invented his flag and emblem - the Garudadhwaj - a flag with Garuda's picture on it. Yes it is a scrappy dumb solution, but Garuda decided to go along with it, cause you're now protected by a really powerful god.

phew that was TOO long. Garuda also got his revenge since now he and all his progeny were allowed to feast on snakes and were immune to any and all types of poison.

Garuda is also the national emblem of Thailand and the state of Karnataka in India.

[llycaons]

notes from notw read-along ep2 (pt 1), or: wow, fans of this book really need to branch out

listen to the podcast here

so one of the hosts is a PhD candidate at Johns Hopkins. we know this because he brings it up regularly, as if worried we'd forget

he starts off with a story about how he taught a class on Tolkein and casually dropped the fact that it was so well received he got an award. all essential to his point, of course, which is that a professor asked him a question. and now he gives us this question back. is this book like, good?

anyway mr. johns hopkins immediately calls PR a twat for having a pronunciation guide but since that's actually very common and normal in fantasy and widely appreciated amongst readers, he got some resistance from the other hosts. I personally like pronunciation guides!

I think he has a lot of substantial critique to give but he's so full of himself about it, which is hilarious given the podcast's critique of PR

fun fact: it's not 'the kingkiller chronicles" it's "the kingkiller chronicle" just the one. which yeah, it is just one in-universe. but damn that's annoying

so our story starts in the town of, I shit you not, "Nawerre" which is apparently pronounced like "noire" but looks a hell of a lot like "nowhere" to me

his inn is described as very generic, with meaningless words describing a flavorless setting but "the vibes are nice"

MC'S FIRST WORDS IN THE BOOK ARE "ACTUALLY" that's so funny

fun fact number two: PR said he wanted to make "an entirely new kind of fantasy" and "a story unlike any other"

HA

you know what's actually a story unlike any other? hunter x hunter. and even togashi drew inspiration from the work of araki and his stand magic. you can't act like you're not drawing on any previous work here pat your entire magic system is practically taken right from earthsea, a vastly superior work in every single way

because when uklg write she actually...says things

also, there's half a theme of stories about stories and framing devices...black sails did it better

so when mc's identity is sussed out the (super cool) mc delivers a monologue that had me cringing even as a 15 year old...behold the ultimate reddit copypasta

“I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep. You may have heard of me.”

I don't have an issue with big badass boasts but this is SO funny ohhh he ~loved women~ really impressive you know who else loved woman? gomez addams and he wasn't nearly as weird about it

iso yeah this is not effective for several reasons

first is that we don't know the context for any of these things because we just started the book. no, we haven't heard of him. because we just started the fucking book. and the guy he's talking to...does he even respond like he's impressed? I don't think he does?

well I'd rather die than go check because I hate this book so someone else will have to let me know

the second reason this doesn't hit is that he's the one telling his story. there's a difference between a legendary figure having tales told of them and someone telling you directly they're hot shit

between seeing what impact they've had on other people/actually seeing what massive things they've done and just...being an innkeeper saying "oh yeah I was this legendary figure trust me" I know which one is stronger

see: cql opening on the entire cultivation world shouting about the yiling patriarch being dead. the entire scene is in chaos and he's obviously the one that made it happen. he has a title. he has notoriety. everyone knows about him and hates him. when he thinks to himself "you dare kick me?" when he first wakes up, it's believable because we have the context of fearful cultivators telling tales about him over a decade after his death. he's widely respected, feared, and copycatted, because he WAS that much of a big deal

third reason this monologue sucks is that it's badly written. it flows well enough, but the choices of words vary in formality and scale, leaving some accomplishments far more impressive-sounding (university line, moonlight line) and leaving others sounding like absolutely duds (talked to gods, LOVED WOMEN)

even "spoken with gods" would have sounded better

a male character bragging about how good he is at sex with women is literally one of the worst traits he can have. unless he really just means loving them. which like yeah? I hope you love the women in your life? is this a thing to brag about?

PR trying to make a new guy going "he's really hot and cool and he knows stuff and he's so smart he outsmarts the teacher and he had red hair and he's a genius musician also and he's SO good at sex" in fact you've just described about 8 million power fantasies. nothing wrong with a fun oc like kvothe. but not much original about it either. rand al'thor meets most of those and he's the jesus figure in a far more impressive series

one of the issues in making a genius character is that imo you kind of have to show them being so smart because just saying "he's really smart guys trust me" kind of falls flat

for intelligent characters, consider death note: a gripping psychological thriller that's always interesting to watch because the characters are all doing 4D chess and trying to guess each other's next move and manufacture events to work in their favor. but it doesn't have to be a crime drama - having characters think ahead, be creative, problem-solve in a variety of ways, and come to conclusions quickly also works. shit, you can also just look at ritsu from mp100 escaping the claw base at the end of s1 with nothing but a spoon, some weak esper kids, and his wits. read any of mr. darcy's letters in pride and prejudice and watch how effectively he communicates his nuanced and complex thoughts

one of the hosts, bless her heart, gently forwarded the idea that it was kind of nice the protag went through a lot of trauma and came out really confident, and that she hadn't seen many protags like that. and I respect that inspiration through the fictional character and I know this story is dear to her so I'm not criticizing, but my goodness. there are so many protags like that chief. watch some shonen

I don't think I could be part of a podcast that tore my favorite book apart.

PR was asked during an interview "What woman screwed you over so badly that you came up with Denna?" and he didn't really answer but he did admit she WAS based on someone he knew which is. absolutely horrendous given the way she's written and treated and how she's like the only major female character in the book. what the fuck is his problem

I had to go on reddit to confirm that so please don't ask me anyone I'm not going back to a site that praises him for that answer using the word "indeed"

the remainder of the section details PR's control issues regarding how he wants people to read his story (by having kvothe interrupt and telling the audience how to feel)

for the record I remember I read this part of the book easily enough. I don't think I really enjoyed it, except for in the rare moments PR restrained himself, when he actually provided some emotional impact

for example, the mc talks about running away from gangs in the city as a young child. he says "one time, they caught me" and for once did not elaborate. and that actually had an effect on me because then you have to imagine what happened to him because he never brings it up again, which is understandable

but I did not enjoy this book. it was not funny or original, none of the characters were interesting or likeable, and the worldbuilding was only occasionally entertaining. it's a very bland story and I don't know why it's so popular

anyway I've seen crit role and I agree with the one host's assessment that PR expects people to center him when he speaks

massive ego, as we now know

in conclusion his fans need to watch more anime and then maybe they'll calm down. on the other hand, I don't know if I want people who are PR fans to be consuming anime

austen already has a ton of rabid fans they should definitely read austen

anyway...see you next time for part 2

[aboveallarescuer]

Hi, just wanted to introduce myself as a GRRM pessimist. I wanted to defend myself in just one regard: I didn't really mean book!Dany fans with the comment this was obviously directed at. I often encounter discussions with ASOIAF fans who are completely convinced DarkDany will happen who block debates about the sexist implications of that with angry rants of praises of GRRM's writing of fem. chars. and long lists of minor female characters who will prob. survive the story well.

Or cite a "rule happily ever after" ending (which should be unsatisfying for the author if he'd stay true to his words) for fem. characters only marginally involved in somewhat political storylines, not at all in ruling arcs to deflect. These are the people I meant primarily with the notion of premature praise of "feminist credit", not book!Dany fans. IMHO they would still regard it a non-offensive, "feminist" story even with the exact show ending attached to the books. Why I tend to be pessimistic about GRRM has a lot of reasons, not that I don't appreciate your correct characterizations of her book arc and character so far. Love y'all, have a nice day.

Hi, Anon... I’m sorry that my comment in that reblog’s tags made you upset on some level... There was no need for you to explain yourself to me, I’m just a stranger who made a hobby of defending Dany during the quarantine every now and then. 

I will say that I used a harsh tone because I’m still annoyed at the 198119th essay I came across trying to argue that Dany’s storyline in the books is actually about U.S. imperialism. It created brand new arguments (and I probably already read thousands of asoiaf metas at this point after years of being on the asoiaf fandom, so I was flabbergasted to see, once again, how creative people can be when it comes to Dany hate, lol) based on inaccuracies/lies that could have been easily corrected if the person had read the books more carefully. What’s worse is that that essay was written by a PhD student with a background in postcolonial studies in a book published by an American university. So a) this makes it seem that the person actually had something meaningful to say (which they didn’t) and b) it can’t be said that that person is ignorant like it’s often assumed that Dany haters are. No. Well-informed, well-educated and well-read people hate Dany based on inaccuracies (because they have spread way too much at this point) and create entire narratives that seem reasonable if you don’t remember what happened in the books very well. This is important to acknowledge, IMO, because it shows that the amount of vitriol leveled at Dany really is unprecedented, and it has influenced how she’s analyzed in the academic world. This whole situation really, really pisses me off.

So I was ranting because it felt to me that book!Dany fans (who are actually very few, because most Dany fans here talk more about show!Dany) were not even having their points heard in their small Tumblr bubble. I have come across quite a few people that misconstrue what we have to say, after all. Also, while your comment was indeed the one that prompted me to rant, I saw people make comments along the lines of yours before too, so please don’t take it personally (And I wouldn’t even say with certainty that the OP wrote that post specifically because of your comments... I know that we already discussed that issue in private before (because we talk regularly about almost everything Dany related). And I know that she’s a very diligent meta writer that has dozens of metas prepared in advance that will be posted weekly throughout the year. So I wouldn’t be surprised if she had already written that post specifically for Daenerys’s Day a while ago).

All these petty things were annoying me (not just your comment) when I made that rant in the tags and I come to Tumblr specifically to whine about fandom stuff, so... Yeah, sorry lol.

Also, I 100% agree with you when you say that many fans “would still regard it a non-offensive, "feminist" story even with the exact show ending attached to the books”. It is very hypocritical that they spend thousands of words discussing how GRRM’s writing can have misogynistic implications depending on how he treats minor characters that barely have any characterization (and they made some good points, but it’s also worth noting that these characters were deliberately meant to be plot devices) and without bothering to mention how he might end up mistreating the story’s actual female protagonist (because they’re all too happy with her being given a bad ending and getting out of their faves’ way so that they can thrive). Even those discussions are clearly biased.

[hemmoangel]

Dr. Gay Dreamboat Pt. 1

AN: I am giving the people what they want! Here is my comeback one shot’s first part. I hope you all enjoy it because this series is going to be STEAMY! 

Basically, Ashton is a doctor and Luke is his hot femboy nurse who has the hots for him...enjoy 

Warning:There will be smut and mentions of smut throughout the series! Bottom! Luke and top! Ashton, of course.  DO NOT READ IF YOU HATE GAY STUFF! Also, be sure to like a reblog if you enjoy! 

Here’s the link for ao3 :) :

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29210262/chapters/71721195

Working as a pediatric nurse had its perks. For example, Luke enjoyed socializing with children—they always had interesting stories to tell, and he liked wearing comfy clothes to work every day. He felt so professional in his little white scrubs. He also enjoyed stealing the candy from all the jars at the receptionist's desk. They always kept lollipops or gummy bears for the children who had a hard time handling vaccinations. But perhaps, the most exciting part (for most of the nurses, in fact) was how attractive he found his boss.

It wasn't the reason he had initially wanted the job. He was excellent with kids, and the registered nurse position required only a three-year degree. It paid more than enough to support his dog himself. It was a lovely job all around. The people were friendly, and there was such a diverse clientele that Luke met people from all over Sydney. It was social job with excellent pay; he couldn't ask for more. Except for the fact that his boss was a dreamboat.

They met at the interview—Luke was a blubbering mess. He wasn't exactly the smartest interviewee, so he rambled any time the man with fluffy brown hair and deep hazel eyes asked him a question.

"Are you from around here, Luke?" His voice had hit Luke's ears like velvet. It felt like a question he would receive at a gay bar, but he definitely wasn't imagining this guy at a gay bar during something as important at a job interview. Right?

"Oh, yeah. I grew up here...all my life," Luke swallowed thickly. He watched the doctor's hands, searching for a wedding ring. He didn't find one.

He's probably too busy for a love life, he thought and bit his lip.

"That's great. You'll easily relate to the patients then. They need someone kind and familiar with the area. It soothes them. I think you'll make a great nurse," The doctor, Ashton, assured. Luke had never heard such eloquent words in his life. He wanted to marry this man and have kids with him. But then, Luke realized that he had only answered two questions. Were his responses really that good? He was a dumb twink with nothing in his head except this doctor's dick for crying out loud!

Maybe Dr. Ashton Irwin saw a bright future inside of him too.

After that, Luke made it his personal mission to get on the handsome doctor's good side. Any chance that he had, he would ask his opinion or ask how to pronounce the name of some ridiculously long prescription just so Ashton would allow their arms to brush. Sometimes, Luke could smell the aftershave or cologne that he wore. It made his head spin.

He was always looking for new ways to get close to him.

"Dr. Irwin, I really love the new murals that you've picked for the examination rooms. The kids are going to love all the pretty colors!" Luke gushed, snacking on one of the children's lollipops in the office break room. He sucked it to stain his lips red.

"Oh yeah? I think so too. I was a hyper child, so I'm sure I would have loved all of the mind-numbing rainbow," Ashton laughed, looking over at Luke, "Hey, isn't that one of the lollipops we give to the kids?"

Luke blushed, "Yeah...just one. I really like the cherry ones," he felt like a child being scolded. It almost  was electrifying. He was hoping that his scrubs made him look particularly attractive today. They always did give his bum a certain heart shape.

"That's funny, Luke. You always light up the office," Ashton said softly, unaware that he had just made Luke's entire week. Oh, what he wouldn't do to sink to his knees right there in the break room and risk this man's entire PhD.

The room was thick since they were alone. Luke could hear the coffee machine whirring and the hands on the clock slowly tick tock. He ached to hear more of Ashton's praise. And maybe he was delusional, but Ashton only ever spoke so softly about him. It caused him to fantasize about being the doctor's fem-boy wife. They would have so many kids. Ashton was so thoughtful when it came to children, Luke was positive that he would want a million with him. Plus, what could be better than a man who already knows where the prostate is? Maybe he needed a therapist, but he was only human. When he saw the stretch of veins in the doctor's forearms or caught the glimpse of a sweet smile stretch across his lips, Luke felt true love.

"Yeah, I am pretty thrilled with the rainbow myself. I love representation," Luke pretended to flip his hair.

"That's why I chose rainbow walls. We deserve to be well accounted for in the office just like everyone else," Ashton flashed Luke a sincere smile.

Luke was a puddle. Just like at the interview, he was unsure of how to answer. The love of his life was at least a little gay too! He diverted his eyes back to his sucker, crossing his legs and trying to fight back a burning blush. He couldn't help but hope that Ashton had been flirting with him at least a little bit. They always shared carried good conversation and cracked small jokes between the two of them. His heart wished for the best, but his himbo brain warned him of being too rash. He loved this job, and he didn't want to lose it over an assumption.

But in that same vapid brain, devoid of all thoughts except cock and becoming someone's breeding bunny, he thought of a plan.

Luke was going to seduce his boss.

"Well, our lunch is over, Luke. Time to head back," Ashton threw away his trash from lunch, washing his hands before putting his white coat back on. Luke liked the sight of the doctor's figure in his scrubs.

"Yes, sir, Dr. Irwin," Luke stood, making sure to bend over a little when he threw his sucker stick into the bin. He listened for any sounds of disgruntlement, but all he heard was Ashton's footsteps as he walked to the door.

Luke followed, grateful that Ashton had waited to hold the door for him. Could he get anymore dreamy?

"You're with me in room 5, Luke," Ashton said, "Just a 9 month old's check up, but I need a nurse to help me when they get their first round of shots. Usually when the mums try to help, the baby ends up crying more. No biggie. It's still slow since school isn't back in session." He was checking over the baby's medical record. Luke was checking him out. His future husband knew everything. He had to be good in the bedroom.

"Yes, sir, Dr. Irwin," Luke gushed, correcting his tone when he heard himself. He hoped he didn't sound too smitten already. He had a hard time controlling himself around Ashton, especially when he was talking all smart about doctor stuff.

"Luke, don't call me sir. That's for when we're alone in the break room," Ashton teased without looking up from the paperwork in his hands. Luke gasped under his breath, feeling his cheeks burn hot.

Maybe his plan wasn't so vapid after all.

[bettsfic]

Hi! Do you have any advice about how to reveal things about a character's past - particularly Big things, like trauma or otherwise defining moments - without either a) hitting the audience over the head in a big exposition dump, or b) hiding key info to the point where it's a Mystery to an annoying degree? I love stories where a character's behavior is somewhat of an enigma until you learn something important about them, but I don't know how to actually do that myself, esp for the pov character.

oh man what a great question! i think about this all the time. so much of writing boils down to when to reveal information. revealing information early in the story offers context, character development, and raises the stakes. late in the story, it illuminates all that came before it and casts the story in a new light.

there is so much writing advice out there that’s like “cut the backstory! nobody cares about backstory!”

but let me tell you, i’m always a slut for a good backstory. anti-backstory people are the same ones who hated the movie Solo because “we didn’t need to know more about han, he was already a good character on his own!” i read so many bad takes to that effect, and i kept thinking, excuse you! *i* want to know more about han solo!! i want information that will change and deepen my perspective of a trilogy i’ve seen a thousand times so i might go back and watch it again with new eyes!!

anyway. i’ve also been reading danmei, specifically mxtx, who is truly a galaxy brained writer when it comes to backstory. she completely changed my perspective on what it looks like to weave together a vast and complicated story structure. i remember watching the Untamed, deeply irritated by the 30-episode backstory, thinking about what poor writing it was and how if i could get my hands on the script, i’d pare it down and weave it in more thoroughly. 

but then! by the end of the flashback, i was sobbing!! me! crying! over media! and i thought, i’ve had this reaction to a story maybe only a handful of times in my entire life? maybe instead of judging this for not meeting my (extremely western and strict) standards of a “good story” i should be listening to what it’s teaching me?

i honestly think i’ve learned more about writing from mxtx than my entire first semester of a cw phd. 

now onto the actual advice:

in the first draft, let the backstory unveil itself to you naturally without concerning yourself with where information should go.

if you’re not used to writing multiple drafts, this might be difficult. but if you have a complicated past timeline that affects the present timeline, it’s nearly impossible to do it all in one go. you need at least one draft to get it all down, and another draft to put it in the right order. most of the revision process, i’ve found, is putting things in their right place. the creative brain is not an orderly thing, even for those of us who plan meticulously.

while you’re drafting, you’ll find natural pockets where contextual information should go. follow the paths that open for you. if you get to a point where a character is thinking about a certain moment in their past, go into what happened right then and there. you can always move it later, or expand on it, or cut it. but it’s important to see those cues and respond to them the very second you’re inspired to do so.

note, this is the same for nonfiction! if you’re writing a memoir or personal essay, memories will trigger other memories, and the more you allow yourself to follow those paths, the easier it is to see the patterns that emerge. you have to let your stories tell themselves to you. 

okay so let’s say you’ve done all that. the past events are all there, but it’s awkwardly placed/you just don’t like where it is. how do you find where it goes?

unfortunately i can’t tell you where backstory/contextual information should always go or how it should be placed there. but i can tell you what certain positioning does to a narrative, so you can make a more confident decision.

i can go on at length about the movement of time in a story, but i want to keep this narrowed down to the basic premise that you have a present timeline that is informed by past events, and the present timeline is the main story. (there are many other ways to navigate time, but i’m defaulting to this setup because it’s what anon is asking, and also probably the most common.)

in your present timeline, you have plot points, moments where A Thing Happens. i’ll call these moments “events.” likely, you’ve established the stakes of these events as well as their consequences. if your past timeline (stuff that occurs before your story begins) informs these events, your first choice is whether or not you want to put them before an event or after it.

if you put the backstory prior to the event, you contextualize and add depth as or before the event unfolds. this option is good for romances, adventure stories, any narrative where the tension derives from a gradual increase in stakes, and the conflict is built by an opposing force like an antagonist. 

if you put the backstory after, you illuminate the event and cast it in a new light. this might be a twist or reveal, which is good for mysteries, thrillers, or stories where the tension comes from the unveiling of information in order to answer a question the story poses. 

and you can also have a bit of both! maybe you want to tease out some information and reveal some later, or have the past and present run parallel. maybe you want to begin the backstory, cut it short, the event happens, and then you complete the backstory. this method might be good for stories where the present timeline has lower stakes than the past timeline, like recovery narratives.

once you’ve decided before/after/during, the next major decision is whether you want to thread the past into the present via summary (indirect discourse), or if you want discrete, in-scene flashbacks (direct discourse). obviously you can also do a bit of both!

i think this decision will likely depend on your narrator. sometimes a well-written 3-sentence summary is more evocative than a 3-page detailed flashback, especially if the past timeline is a composite memory. that is to say, it’s not a single event that happens, but a series of them, like if you have a memory of always eating a bologna sandwich after school, your brain compiles that into a single memory even though you know you did it a thousand times. 

but sometimes, if a past moment is really important, the 3-page detailed flashback is necessary. sometimes you’ll begin with summary and move into a scene and back out. when it comes to backstories, don’t be afraid to play around with discourse. how does the style and tone change when you summarize a conversation versus when you write it in actual dialogue? personally i’ve found that less is more when it comes to backstories so I err toward summary, at least in my own writing, but as a reader i appreciate each kind of approach. 

lastly and most importantly, get a beta reader and ask them specifically about their experience reading the backstory. here you want descriptive feedback. you’re not asking “what should i do? how do i fix this?” you’re asking, “how did you feel while reading it?” and that will tell you how to approach revision. sometimes i write a backstory that i think is a slam dunk, because i’m already invested in the characters, but i get reader feedback saying it’s boring/they were inclined to skip over it. sometimes i’m like, “haha good, be miserable and bored, you’ll thank me later.” and sometimes i’m like, “dammit fine” and kill my darlings.

on that note, sometimes you just have to own it, and bore/confuse your reader because you know the eventual payoff is good enough. if the info dump is the best/easiest/clearest method, do it. if teasing a backstory out slowly is what you’re going for, don’t be afraid to make the reader want to throttle you. you don’t write to buy into your reader’s expectations; nor do you write specifically to defy those expectations. you write to honor the story you want to tell, and you place contextual information that is most complementary to the narration you’ve chosen. 

[anamatics]

so i’ve been watching rwby

and as I’ve been doing so I’ve been posting reactions to my friends. After S5, S6, and S7, in particular, I had a lot of thoughts and opinions. More under the cut. I’m going to write fic aren’t i?

Season 5:

1. Where is the first/autumn relic?! Like, we've established that Ozpin hid it well, yet for some reason it doesn't feel like that's the whole story - given where the relic was hidden this time, in some sort of n dimentional desert (where, if you looked closely you could see similar ##chemtrails - could people just walk through that desert to get to all of them? 2. I find it hilarious that Weiss just got out of Atlas only to go back, I'm very curious as to what sort of ~~damage this reveals about her in the coming seasons, but I'm also very intrigued by how reintroducing her to her father with the rest of team RWBY will shift/alter the narrative of powerlessness that he seems t be pushing toward her. I'm esp. intrigued as to what his reaction will be to Blake (as he seems very anti-faunus). 3. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN FOR THE #YANGST. 4. The show has been pretty constantly showing us that most of Ruby and Yang's family seems like chill folks, but the ##absentmother trope is strong here. Given that it seems like only Blake has a mom, does Blake's mom adopt everyone? 5. Blake having a fairly functional nuclear family is fascinating to me, because it makes a lot of her choices seem way more political (at a very young age) as opposed to just a kid who got in over her head with a boy who was a bit older. I'd love to know more about this. 6. as a multishipper, I hurt all over.

xx

Season 6:

Item the FIRST: Weiss barely making it out of Atlas only to be dragged, albeit somewhat willingly back to the source of all of her ~ trauma & family drama ~ I am curious to see how this plays out and generally hope that Weiss somehow stabs her shitty dad and Draco Malfoy rip off brother while being reunited with her 100% Cooler Than U sister. Also that Cooler Than U sister works on the unresolved sexual tension she CLEARLY had with Qrow.

Item the SECOND: The show's thoughtful handling of Qrow's alcoholism and Ruby's gentle efforts to push toward sobriety without like being annoyingly moralistic about it. It could have been handled so differently and I really, really enjoyed that it was handled in the way it was.

Item the THIRD: Weiss' new red scarf. adsfajshfaksdjfhthatsgayweissaksdfhaksdjfh

Item the FOURTH: The various Poor Life Choices Salem made during our brief sojourn to the Department of Backstory. Also Jinn is amazing let's keep her around. She can join Jaune, Ren and Nora as a 4th member of their team and just hilariously be naked all the time. 10/10 would watch for hijinks adventures.

Item the FIFTH:  Ozpin sulking that he got all his relationship drama put on main like that

Item the SIXTH: Jaune's gay sister and sister-in-law and their baby and and and and (idk I just loved this).

Item the SEVENTH: BLAKE AND YANG HELD HANDS AND MURDERED THEIR TRAUMA TOGETHER PRAISE JESUS AND CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH? NOW KISS.

Item the EIGHTH: My multishipper ass saw that moment between Weiss and Yang when they were stuck in the basement and I'd just like to say I would be happy to see that too.

xx

Season 7:  Item the First: Weiss has a mother. Which we all logically knew she did but that scene with her in Jacques' office was just... a lot. Also raised some very interesting questions. When will Weiss and Ruby bond over alcoholic parental figures, I ask you. On this front, I am also now supremely, supremely curious about Winter's relationship with her mother. 

Item the Second: Leftist Weiss. Well we all knew that Weiss wouldn't have voted for her dad anyway, but I think the tension between Weiss's clear orientation toward helping people and government for good and her father/sister's appealing to/embodying other forms of authority (corporate/military). This also raises an interesting point of contention between Weiss and Winter, as Winter's sort of this embodiment of what I'd maybe call a conscientious soldier – where she’s clearly in possession of independent thoughts and opinions, yet also seems to want to appeal to a higher authority whenever she feels conflicted (e.g. “Ironwood is making the hard decisions so we don’t have to.”). This actually draws a very stark line between Winter and Weiss – as Weiss has always been a freer thinker, who can and does think for herself and operate from her own moral compass. The moment at the end of the season between Weiss and Winter was just so delicious as I hope (HOPE HOPE) that they’re setting up for a ~~moment of clarity~ for Winter where she has to make a decision on her own that defies orders in some way for the greater good that Weiss can see so easily. (Also, please, my good gay sisters: Hug. It. Out.)

Item the Third: Leftist Bees (well really, leftist Yang, Blake was always a revolutionary). I absolutely loved the Everyone Is Lying moments in this season, and I do hate that the Bees were the ones caught out in it first. Black and Yang telling Robyn the truth also struck me as something that the pair of them would do anyway – the only other character I could see possibly slipping and letting info get to Robyn is Weiss, but I also got the sense that Weiss understood the politics of the situation better than anyone else and because of this was playing it pretty close to the vest. The Bee’s decision really jives with their partnership. As did getting to watch them fight together so much this season, they’re evolving together, and seeing them fight in tandem is a delight.

Item the Fourth: Splitting whiterose. I like Penny. I actually love Penny. I love Penny and Roby’s dynamic. And their friendship. And how ridiculous they are. But it really struck me that how the whiterose partnership kept on getting split until the final fight against the Spice Force Five. I’m sure there’s a reason for this but I don’t like it and I won’t hear it or respond to it.

Item the Fifth: The Not Spice Girls/Spice Force Five. Love these idiots, but they’re all cops. Marrow is the most delightful of them and seems like he’s about to go on a journey similar to Winter, Harriet sucks a lot, Clover was a delightful almost rip but also mmmwhatchusay. I sort of hated the juxtaposition between team RWBY and them, with the ‘just following orders’ mentality and the lack of friendship/cohesion between these guys. I guess now Winter can join them and they so they can have their Posh Spice.

Item the Sixth: Schneewood Forest. I feel like I could write a whole elaborate backstory with these two. There’s something there – the unstoppable force meets immovable object of it, plus the idea of someone who challenges Winter’s entire belief structure just by being an okay person ~with a merry band of queers~. I feel a lot of things. I want to explore this. Stop me I am in a PhD program. 

Item the Seventh: The Tinman’s Heart. Having read all of the Wizard of Oz books, as well as the Wicked series, I actually appreciate that this series is taking nods from both sources for these characters. James’s decisions are … not great but I can see his logic – well right up until the part where he shoots poor Oscar. That was just rude. Also I do love watching him fight because he’s so very, very good.

Item the Seventh: Bisexual Bobs. How very Bi of you Blake. And how useless lesbian of Yang to be all flustered about it. Please kiss.

[nerdy-as-heck]

Bitterly By Your Side

A/N: Me? Posting a fic for the first time in 8 months? I'm just as surprised as you are. Ao3 Link

Summary: Logan is a world-renowned author, but not for his scientific journals. For a romance novel he never intended to publish, and an upcoming movie that would finally get the two it was inspired by together.

Ships: Pre-Prinxiety, background Logicality

Warnings: None

There were a lot of things in this world that didn’t make much sense to Logan. What made someone hate a specific group of people for an unchangeable part of their identity? Why would some people continue to believe a falsehood even after being shown irrefutable evidence? Why the fuck is college so expensive? But this. This went beyond every question that Logan could ask himself. Any amount of logic he tried to apply would shatter into a thousand pieces.

For years, Logan had been a distinguished author. Dozens of academic papers, journals, books, and articles were published under his name, making more breakthroughs in science than one could have ever imagined possible. Some were small advancements, granted, but none were insignificant. But that’s not why the general public knows Logan’s name.

Ten years getting a PhD in Astrophysics and one Nobel prize later, Logan Berry’s name is on the Best-Selling Romance Novel section in every bookstore across the country. And Logan will continue to blame his husband for it every time someone asks.

Not that it was really /entirely/ Patton’s fault. Both of them had been sick of Roman and Virgil’s pining that had been going on since freshman year of college. At least Logan’s infatuation had only lasted a month or so before bluntly asking Patton if he finds him physically attractive; that story always gets a laugh every time they tell it. The four of them had been suitemates during their first year, with Logan and Roman sharing their room while Patton and Virgil had the adjoining one. That was nearly twelve years ago, and yet the two of them still seemed to be clueless as to the other’s emotions, even with all four of them once again living in the same apartment.

All Patton had said was he wished there was a way to see them get together, like a movie or something. Now, Logan couldn't direct or act, but he could write. So, naturally, he did the only thing a sane person would do; he stayed up for three days straight writing a 300 page chaotic mess of the two falling in love. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic, and it definitely ended up being far longer than he had intended. But Logan’s train of thought never seemed to stay quite on track when it came to making his soulmate happy.

Of course, Logan had no interest in simply reading it over and over again himself; he printed out the pages and presented it to Patton as an early birthday present. Logan was under the impression that Patton knew it was a simple gift for his eyes only, nothing more. But Patton hadn’t quite gotten that impression.

Logan hadn’t necessarily made it a ‘fanfiction’. Yes, it was about two hopelessly oblivious in love college roommates that got together in the end. The thing that kept it unique was neither character revealing their actual name until the very ending, instead choosing to use a nom de plume. In this particular case, Roman had called himself “Merlin” and Virgil went by “Storm”. Neither the reader nor the characters within the story would learn their true names until the last chapter.

Apparently Patton did not read to the last chapter. Instead, about halfway through, he had believed it was a good idea to take it straight to a publisher; he couldn’t believe Logan had trusted him with the draft of his first novel!

It wasn’t until Logan got a copy of the book in the mail, fully printed and with his name on the cover, did he realize why Patton hadn’t commented on it after finishing. “Bitterly By Your Side” was already in every store in town and quickly spreading. Logan quickly pulled Patton into their shared room to discuss this with him and show the last page; needless to say, Patton was humiliated that he had done such a thing. It took hours to calm him down. Logan simply believed the book would not be popular and it would be taken down from the shelves in a matter of a few weeks.

He could not have been more wrong.

People slowly began to recognize Logan on the streets, asking for photos or to sign their copy of the book. Stores would reach out to him and schedule book signings, which Logan reluctantly went to as a chance to promote some of his other works. No one was buying any of that.

This was about two years ago. Logan had always scolded Roman and Virgil for not reading as often as they should, but it was unexplainable how grateful he was that they never listened. Not once in those years did the two step foot in a bookstore, see Logan scatter away for a photo when he was found in public, or questions the ‘meeting’ Logan seemed to be going to every other week.

By this point, Logan had gotten used to how things were. It was bringing in money to support the entire group, and no one was hurting for it. Though it still confused him why this was the case, he had accepted it as an unexplainable cosmic phenomenon. Logan didn’t even think twice when allowing a company that approached him to make a movie adaptation, with the promise that Logan could supervise on site, of course.

Months later, and somehow the two’s obliviousness had only gotten worse. It was a true miracle that they never noticed Logan being gone all the time or that Roman didn't pick up on the potential movie acting gig. Though the last wasn’t much of a coincidence; Logan always checked their mail and tossed out any advertisements for it.

Logan had only looked over one important detail; the company picking up the story was Disney. And regardless if they had heard about it before, Virgil and Roman both had a dedication to watching it together day it shows up on Netflix. Patton would always tease Virgil about it being their little “date night”, which would be received by a shove and Virgil’s hood coming up to hide his face.

On the night that this happened, Logan was out late at a midnight book signing, and Patton had agreed to go with to drive him home in case Logan was too exhausted. So for the first time in quite a while, Roman and Virgil had the whole apartment to themselves for movie night. As tradition, Virgil grabbed popcorn, snacks, and drinks, running back to the couch just before Roman clicked play.

“Are you ready for what is sure to be the GREATEST FILM of ALL TIME?”

“You say that every time, Princey. Bitterly By Your Side may be Disney, but its a dumb romance too. It can’t be that good.”

Of course Roman scoffed at that, but before he could continue the argument, Virgil just threw a handful of popcorn at his face and hit play. Storm happened to be the first character that came on screen, and the second Roman saw the actor’s face he gasped and leaned forward.

“That man… Is the love of my life.” Virgil couldn’t help but to laugh at the dramatics of such an early declaration, and for a short time Roman stared at Virgil rather than at the movie.

“You think that guy is good looking? Don’t be ridiculous, he looks like a ten year old that got into his mom’s makeup.” Roman could only glare at Virgil for a few minutes before Merlin came on screen. And then it was Roman’s turn to laugh as Virgil’s jaw literally dropped.

“You can’t be serious! Storm is far more attractive than /that/ over dramatic piece of work!” Virgil didn’t even have the words to argue at the moment, simply shoving a hand over Roman’s mouth as Merlin already had a shirtless scene. It wasn’t more than five seconds later, though, that Virgil realized what he had done and practically shrieked, crawling to the other side of the couch. “S-Sorry… But if that doesn’t prove Merlin is the best, then nothing will.” A simple joke had now turned into a full out war between the two, pointing out each small quality in the other character that made them far superior.

“Look at Storm’s purple eyes! And that long hair, I just want to run my hand through it and kiss that man.”

“They’re probably contacts anyway! Merlin has the swoop in his hair that at least doesn’t block his /actual/ green emerald eyes!”

“But that’s the thing, Storm is so shy yet abrasive at the same time! His hiding just makes his natural beauty all the better!”

“Sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you over Merlin’s fifth shirtless scene.”

Of course, it was all joking banter. Despite the insults thrown from time to time, this was a typical thing for the two of them, and tonight wasn’t any different. It only finally died down at a point where the movie was getting ready to end. For some reason, Roman was a moron. Well. Virgil knew that already. A cute moron, but still a moron, one that had decided to run to the bathroom right after the climax of the movie and refused to let Virgil pause it. In the short time, Roman was gone, that was all the movie needed to make Virgil’s fight or flight response kick in.

“Now that we’re dating, shouldn’t I at least get to know your name, angel?”

“...Its Virgil.”

“Roman. A pleasure to finally meet the real you.”

That was. A weird coincidence. But with anxiety, nothing ever felt like things could be so coincidental. So once Roman came back, Virgil was on his phone, googling the book, and every word he read just made his face burn even more.

  Bitterly By Your Side is a romance novel by Logan Berry, published in 2017. In recent interviews, he has confessed to it being inspired by real life events and people he knows, though for now he wishes the details to remain private.

...Oh Logan is so dead when he gets back.

“H e y!” Virgil was next to be assaulted with popcorn as he pulled his hood up to avoid Roman seeing his face right now. “Get off your phone and watch the eye candy! Storm is back on screen!”

...Storm. The character inspired by Virgil. That Roman had been calling hot all night long. And Virgil had done the same to Merlin. Virgil didn’t focus much on the rest of the movie, far too busy trying to hide his ever reddening face and cursing the entire world. Once the movie finally ended, Roman stood up to give the TV a round of applause. But before the credits, there was one more thing…

  And now, an interview with the author of the original book: Logan Berry!

Roman was understandably shocked and sat back down, confused as to when Logan had written a book without telling them. With every word spoken on the show, Virgil’s heart sunk deeper and he made another promise to kill Logan tomorrow.

  Yes, it is true that this novel was inspired on true events. I have two friends that have been obliviously in love with each other for nearly twelve years now, despite mine and my husband’s encouragement for them to confess. Storm and Mer- Well, I suppose I can use their real names now, it's no spoiler since this is shown after the movie. I don't blame either Virgil or Roman for their hopeless pining, it's just something my husband tired of and wished to see come to life in case it never did in person.

After that sentence, Roman was quick to turn off the TV. At least now it made sense why Virgil had curled up into a ball on the couch during the interview. Silence. Silence that lasted far too long for either of them to stand, yet neither had the will to break it.

Surprisingly, Virgil was the one to swallow his pride first. “...so. Eye candy, huh?”

Not even a second later, Virgil felt a pillow hit his head. “Oh shut up! You’re one to talk! Drooling in every shirtless scene in the whole movie!”

There wasn’t a coherent comeback in Virgil’s mind, so instead he just flipped Roman off from his hoodie protection. Roman, being the prick he was, couldn’t let it go so easily though, grabbing Virgil’s hand and ignoring his own pounding heart as he pulled the two closer together. Safe to say, Virgil felt like he was going to explode. “You know the real thing is always better than fiction.”

And then for some unknown reason, one that he would claim to this day as temporary insanity, Virgil’s mind had decided it was time for him to be the moron today. The only thing he could think to do was kiss Roman, so he did. Both were surprised and afraid, but neither pulled away. Not in the first few minutes, not even in the first hour. It was a scene that easily could have rivaled the masterpiece of a movie in itself. By the end of it, they were both out of breath and exhausted, choosing to simply sleep together on the couch.

“...goodnight, Storm…” “Night, Merlin.”

Still. They were going to kill Logan in the morning. But for now, it was just them, and that was enough.

[a-very-fond-farewell]

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 18/?

University AU: “Negative Space”

[ok so, self projection is a bitch, but I am petty to myself on a regular basis so it’s ok]

[title is from the Japanese concept “ma”, which Wikipedia describes as:

“a Japanese word which can be roughly translated as ‘gap’, ‘space’, ‘pause’ or ‘the space between two structural parts.’ In traditional Japanese arts and culture, ma is more carefully defined as the suggestion of an interval. It is best described as a consciousness of a sense of place, with the ‘intervals’ suggested often being more than simple gaps, instead focusing on the intention of a negative space in an art piece.

Ma is not necessarily an art concept created by compositional elements, such as the literal existence of a negative space. Instead, the intention is often to create the perception of an interval in the viewer experiencing the elements forming an art piece, making maless reliant on the existence of a gap, and more closely related to the perceived experience of a gap.

Ma has also been described as ‘an emptiness full of possibilities, like a promise yet to be fulfilled’, and as ‘the silence between the notes which make the music’.”

Fun fact: “ma” also means “but” in Italian, which is what usually follows whatever intrusive thought may plague my mind. Eg: “I may be useless now, BUT just you wait until I get some dopamine to get me through this shitty times.”]

*

Wei Ying never asked for much in his life. He’s content with cleaning classrooms and toilets and nobody can beat him at wiping the marble floors if he works hard enough. Granny Wen, his supervisor, is slightly impressed with his ability to make the wood shine for ages to come. His nephew Jin Ling sometimes comes to check on him when he’s done with senior classes or cram school in the evening, and together they sit down and listen to whatever his older friends in music production came up with during the day. Jiang Cheng occasionally would ask him to keep him company while he grades papers and they bitch about ZiXuan and his inability to dote on their sister. The cafeteria ladies are always nice to him and they give him extra congee because they worry for his questionable consumption of spice products.

He’s fine, really.

So why can’t he stop wandering over to the science building these days? Looking for a clean board to use, for an equation to finally solve? Even if in the end he just takes the chalk in hand and simply stares down at the inky surface in front of him, unable to write. His mind working on a software too advanced for the hardware that constitutes his brain.

Thirteen years. It has been already thirteen years and yet it feels like yesterday, or like it never happened at all. Like it has yet to be. Time blindness is a bitch to deal with, yet dyscalculia and ADHD makes a joke out of you when you love math on a visceral level... but you burned too bright too fast and now you function on no data and with an even shittier signal. Having a burnout at 23 should have taught him humility instead of pride, but Wei Ying has always worked out of spite and certain habits are difficult to forget.

Couldn’t put the number in the right order, switching digits left and right since he was young? Fine. Numbers were concepts anyway, entire civilizations working their magic without even knowing what “zero” stood for. A brain steaming with a million ideas per second? Good. New connections brimming with ideas he could use to better the world.

It worked fine until he let himself down. Until he became a useless empty lighter, a wet match tossed out, carbon monoxide in the air.

Dropped out before finishing his very ambitious, highly dangerous for his psyche, thesis project. Aunt Yu never forgave him for that, not after paying for his advanced classes, not after trusting Uncle Jiang and supporting him despite his many flaws. What good is being first of your class every year, poster child of a teaching system done right, graduating bachelor at 21, if you can’t finish your master at 23 and get your PhD at 25 and start teaching by 27 and drive yourself insane in the process?

Wei Ying dropped out and didn’t finish his master, didn’t enroll in the teaching program, and let everyone down. His Uncle and Aunt looking down on him, whether out of pity or shame. Jiang Cheng may have been the one leaving him behind, but he used to be the one saying “you should have tried harder”. YanLi worrying over him when she should have focused on her career first. Jin Ling growing up with stories of his uncle “not being worth the money put into his education”, taught to not disappoint and make his family proud. The Jin side, that is.

And now the kid comes crawling in defeat to him instead of Jiang Cheng after bombing a test in high school. And they chat of what he would like to do and how much he likes sports and how much he despises the idea of getting a scholarship for that and being called stupid or something by his classmates. And he cries when he thinks Wei Ying cannot see him as he leaves the campus late at night.

Wei Ying didn’t even want to solve that impossible theorem he fixated on in his early twenties. His thesis project was inconsequential in the great scheme of things and his professor only wanted him to be his one trick pony in the end. No. Wei Ying wanted to teach math in elementary school, hell... even in kindergarten. He wanted to change the approach to the subject. Because numbers cannot be taught like language is and there are many ways to teach how to sum up digits and divide quantities and there are no rules on how to make sense of space either.

But how can he teach when even time eludes his senses?

Something that nobody can define, but certainly most perceive as linear... but not him. Not since his brain fried up in his attempt to function like a normal human being.

After thirteen years nothing has changed.

Until one day he hears something else aside from his usual intrusive thoughts and burdensome memories. A melody so quiet he almost mistakes it for the wind, coming from the music building.

He walks slowly, night surrounding him like the embrace of a friend as he makes his way to the traditional musical instruments room. The one where Jin Ling’s friends meet sometimes as they wait for the younger boy to join them. Wei Ying holds his breath as he spies through the gap of the door left ajar, neon light slicing his face like moonbeams as he peeks in and recognizes Jin Ling’s friends and another figure sitting on the ground, guqin on their knees.

But before he can lean in and breathe in the vibrant sounds all around, the door opens and music theory Professor Lan finds Wei Ying clutching his mop for dear life.

They said the man could see colors within the notes, that he despises language outside of his class or office and that only his brother, the history of art TA, could convince him to talk every now and then.

If numbers were created to measure space, Wei Ying firmly believed music had been invented to make sense of time and count its seconds in rhythm and notes, pauses and beats. Yet, time seems to stretch to a stop as the janitor focuses all of his attention on professor Lan’s stern face and his heart quickens its pace.

Wei Ying takes a rushed breath and dives right in with a weird sense of hope pumping in his veins. A small, timid voice whispering that life is not made to be atoned, but to move on and grow.

One step at a time.

“I’m Wei Ying, Professor Lan. May I listen while you play?”

Yes, maybe it will be enough just to let time flow at its pace.

Whatever rhythm that may be.

*

[some hcs down below]

WWX does not magically solve the math theorem. he may or may not help kids figure out how to use numbers on the long run tho. no, he will still work as a janitor and there’s nothing wrong with that.

yes, LWJ is autistic and stimms and finds WWX’s honesty soothing. yes, you can add your hcs on the matter. he has synesthesia, but more on the grapheme-color side of the deal than anything else and he sees certain letters/numbers/notes in different colors. people think he can see colors in music, but they misunderstood and thought he could recognize different hues while listening to music instead of reading it.

JC has grown since his uni years and doesn’t resent WWX anymore. he teaches astrophysics as a TA and doesn’t pressure his brother to pick his studies up anymore. WWX has mixed feelings about this: he feels he’s a lost cause, to the point not even his brother spurs him to best himself anymore, but he is grateful for the patience anyway.

LXC is the official LWJ translator of the campus along with their cousins SiZhui and JinGyi. he bonds with WWX and JC over how tired they are, seldom staring at flies roaming above them in the cafeteria bc none of them can even move. he lives on caffeine and regrets, but he’s getting better as he develops a love for his plant babies and tries to not let them die on a daily basis.

Wen Ning and Wen Qing are little overachievers and adrenaline junkies, hence their competitive streak on their way to their third master degree just for funsies. they scare people with how driven they are, but the juniors love them.

NMJ is the one to go to if you need to get away with murder, but JGY will actually be the one helping you dispose of the body. the fact that they both work in criminal law is somewhat both reassuring and disquieting. they hate each other and yet cannot stop hang out, they are close to 40 and need the rivalry to keep going anyway. nothing beats a good nemesis. not even sex. maybe.

NHS has failed his entrance exam to become a nurse too many times to count, but he is determined to see the end of it. even if he could potentially work in the family business, but he doesn’t know anything about managing an empire of bricks and he doesn’t care. if NMJ could run away, well, so can he.

MianMian is Wei Ying’s bestie and has the biggest crush on JGY’s sister A-Su the kindergarten teacher, but since they are childhood besties she doesn’t know how to approach her. she is Jin Ling’s idol and a certified boxer and refers to herself as a useless bisexual. Wei Ying boxes with her sometimes, she always win.

YanLi is an equestrian mum, but in the best way possible: she coaches children for shows and teaches them horses should be loved and feared equally and that if you want to shoot arrows from a running horse you should always, ALWAYS let go of the stirrups the moment the beast gets too unhinged to ride. JC fears her, WWX is only glad she didn’t train police dogs for a living.

ZiXuan actually loves his wife, but WWX and JC question his career choices and the fact that he’s a retired lawyer spending his family fortune while he’s a stay-at-home dad and does all the housework. WWX and JC believe he should give their sister a better life and work his ass off to deserve her, but he does make amazing rice cakes and keeps up with Jin Ling’s studies and is very supportive of his dreams.

A-Qing and Song Lan are siblings and sometimes bring JC food from the campus cafeteria where they both work at, while Xiao XingChen and his carer Xue Yang work with LXC for a project on accessibility for visually impaired visitors of the local museum. JC and LXC work to make Song Lan and Xiao XingChen fall for each other, but the youngsters are too protective to let them play matchmaker so easily.

[this is all for now. please, if you want, add your own headcanons!]

[smokeybrand]

He Gave Us The Signal

I’ve been giving Batman a lot of sh*t lately and feel like this gives the impression that i actually hate the character. I don’t. I actually really love Batman. His entire mythos is really the only thing i like about DC Comics. I find the way there heroes are represented to be unwieldy and too fantastical for me. I absolutely know how contradictory that sounds because, you know, comic books, but lets be honest; It’s a lot easier identifying with Spider-Man than it is Superman. Marvel characters, from the outset, were grounded in the real world. They were written like real people. I got into comics during the gritty Eighties so all of the comic companies were trying to reintroduce more grounded, grimy, fare. Indeed, my first Batman comic i ever read was the introduction of Killer Croc. The first Bat-book i ever purchased with my own money was The Killing Joke. That version of Bat,an is my batman and, while i have had a roller coaster relationship with the character over the last thirty years, dude remains one of my favorite characters to date. I just wanted to take some time and gush about what i love most in the Bat-verse. Just the comics though. If i included ancillary media like the cartoons, movies, or games, I'd end up writing an entire novel.

Cassandra Cain

I love Cass. Love her. I think she is the best addition to the Bat-Family, period. Aside from injected a bit of Asian representation into a mainstream comic with little to no fuss, her character is the most compelling one since Bruce, himself, to get that shine. Progeny of super-skilled assassin, David Cain, and one of, if not, THE best martial artist in all of DC, Lady Shiva, Cassandra is a one woman wrecking crew. She was hones as a living weapon since birth, for the sole purpose of brutalizing man. Cass is an AR-15 with legs. She is easily the best warrior, including Bruce, among the Bat-fam and yet, the most delicate. Watching Cassandra grow from a violent mute into the woman she was right before the New 52 was a pleasure. And then she was erased for half a decade. That sucked. However, her recent reintroduction as Orphan has been pretty chill. I like the relationship she has with Duke Thomas. I liked how she could feel compassion for someone like Clayface, even if no one else could see the same thing she could. I love Cassandra Cain, man. I loved her as the bet Batgirl. I loved her when she had her title snaked away and became Black Bat. I'm loving her as Orphan. I like what Cass has become so far. Here’s hoping they don’t f*ck her up going forward.

Knightfall

I actually really like Knightfall as a concept. I don’t much care for all of the other sh*t that goes on after the book, Azrael Batman was a mistake only redeemed by his White Knight revamp, but i tend to gravitate toward arcs where Bats is given the full-court press and Knightfall is one of the best. It also introduces Bane, a character i am rather indifferent to but still respect, as a proper force of nature. To this day, his breaking of the Bat has been a defining moment in the Bat-mythos, one that has lingering repercussions like The Killing Joke or No Man’s Land.

Damian Wayne

Damian took a few years to grow on me but i love the little dude. he’s like a mini version of his assault father and i love it. There is so much sass packed in that little kid, it’s ridiculous. That said, he is not to be taken lightly. Damian Wayne is child of Brice and Talia Al Ghul, through what can only be seen as a drugged rape at some point. We’ve seen this idea flirted with a few times, the first i can recall being Ibn Al Xu'ffasch from Alex Ross’ Kingdom Come. When i realized who that character was, i was shocked and intrigued. It felt like there was a ton of potential there and a proper missed opportunity for mainstream DC comics. A decade later, we were properly introduced to one of the best additions to the Bat-Family in decades. Not better than Cass, though. And, before you get at me about that super deepcut, questioning my Bat-cred and everything, yes, i am aware that, technically, a version of Damian exists in the main Bat-contnutity dating back to the Eighties. Son of the Bat is a thing that i acknowledge but that kid as never names and had no character so i prefer to think the 06 introduction is the real origin of Damian. Plus, kid got a pet cow. That sh*t is adorable.

Joker

I wanted to put Joker War here because that was the best Knightfall story I've read in years but then i hesitated because i realized how much i loved Endgame. And then A Death in the Family. And then The Three jokers. And then The War of Jokes and Riddles. And then Emperor Joker. and then White Knight. And then The Killing Joke. And then The Man Who Laughs. And the Mad Love. And so many more that escape me at the moment I'm writing this. I realized that it was Joker, himself, that i loved so much and for good reason. Joker is, quite literally, the best comic book antagonist of all time. He’s so malleable, evolving over the years with the times and trends, lending his distinct clown chaos to some of the best Bat-stories ever written. The ambiguity of his identity coupled with the fact that he knows Batman’s entire history is absolutely horrifying. The fact that he refuses to even assault Bruce on a civilian level because “it’s not fun” is absolutely contradictory and solidifies his position as pure, antagonistic, chaos for the Batman, alone. There is no Joke without the Bat and i love that dynamic so much. I love this character so much!

The Court of Owls

I really enjoyed this whole arc. Thomas Wayne Jr. The Talons. The whole clandestine cabal of elites, poisoning Gotham for their own gain. It tickles my tin hat sensibilities while being something that makes all of the sense for the cesspool that is Gotham City. The Court of Owls was easily one of the best narratives to come out of the overall abortion that was the New 52 and i appreciate Scot Snyder for bringing it to us. This narrative fleshes out a lot of underlying aspects of the mythos, gives a bit more agency to and intrigue to Dick, and allows for a myriad of potential stories where Batman is effectively pitted against Gotham, itself.

Jason Todd

I was never a he fan of Todd as Robin. At that point, it was just him and Dick, and Dick was a MUCH better character. In my opinion. I enjoyed his introduction, though. Snatching the rims of the Batmobile was kind of a brilliant way to differentiate him from goody-goody Grayson. If I was old enough to vote, I definitely would have voted to kill him way back when. Fast forward to his resurrection in Under the Red Hood, and I am hooked. His super edgy, Punisher-esque, vigilante justice is fantastic to see. Todd is understandably brutal, violent, and unforgiving. His solution to crime is a bullet between the eyes and that makes for the most interesting dynamic with his pops. More than that, outside of the Bat-family books, Todd is thriving. I love Red Hood and the Outlaws. The current run, not the original. Mostly his relationship with Artemis but I adore the big brother position he took with Bizarro, too. Jason Todd started out as a ridiculous replacement for a beloved Robin, got beaten with a crowbar then exploded, resurrected decades later to take on the mantle of the man who killed him, raved through Gotham on a one-man mission to destroy everything that was the Bat or Joke, and eventually settled into being the black-ops branch of the Bat-fam. I respect his growth as a character and I love his relation ship with Artemis to bits. That feels super right. That Trinity, the Dark Trinity, is my favorite and it absolutely has everything to do with Jason Todd's utter bad-assery. His new costume his sh*t, tho.

White Knight

I’ve literally wrote an entire essay, gushing about my love for this Elseworlds universe. You can search for that on this blog by looking up Bat Kino or White Knight to bring up my detailed fangasm if you’re curious but, in short, the White Knight universe is the best Bat-anything I've read in years. I really, really, liked Endgame but White Knight is so much more compelling a read, it’s hard not to give it the edge.

Harley Quinn

I’ve written in part about my love for Harley in my post about my disdain for Punchline. I love Harley, man. Watching her growth as a character has been a very real privilege. She’s been handled incredibly well by the writers at DC and watching her popularity grow over the years has been very refreshing. Harley always had the potential to be great. Her introduction in the Timmverse was one that sent ripples throughout the fandom so, when she was moved over to the comics, it made sense she’d be a hit. More than that, comic stories are free from the constraints of television censors and we saw an absolute evolution of Harleen over the next three decades. Harley went from being a lovesick whipping girl, locked in a violently abusive relationship with one of the worst psychopaths in all of DC, to a brilliant vigilante and trusted ally to the Bat-family I love that Harleen has found real love with Ivy, even if DC keeps shenaniganing that relationship. I love that she uses her PhD whenever she can. I love that she is one of the most complete, nuanced, and fun characters in the entirety of the Bat-fam. Harley Quinn is a real gem and one of the best things about modern Batman. Even is I do miss the old jester outfit.

There is, legitimately, SO much more I can reference because Batman has a very LONG history full of content to adore. Off the top of my head, Bat-Cat, Hush, Bluebird, We Are Robin, Year One, Damned, The Dark Knight Returns, The Long Halloween, Signal, Beyond, Gotham Girl, Thomas Wayne; It's like an embarrassment of riches. If I listed everything, I'd be here all day. Just Joker stuff, alone, is more than enough to fill several of these lists. I really, genuinely, love Batman which is why it's so seeing him written so poorly as of late. The climax to Joker War was excellent, I'll admit that, but the lingering issues with that OC Punchline chick taints that triumph for me a little bit. The idea of The Batman Who Laughs and the entirety of the Dark Multiverse is absolutely intriguing, but look what they did to my boy. They massacred my boy with all of this literal godhood nonsense. And don't even get me started on this Ghost Killer guy. I thought Clown Hunter was a little bit of a shark jump but this guy? Word? Batman is a great character with one of the best rouges galleries in comics (Spider-Man give him a run for his money) and one of the deepest, richest, histories to pull from. He is a character that has endured for eighty years and I know he's weather this panicked stunt writing as of late. I just have to remember the stuff I love and try to tolerate the rest. Even after taking the worst kind of hit, Batman always finds a way to stand back up.

[yehet-me-up]

Frozen North ~ Night Two

Pairing: Chanyeol x reader

Genre: Horror/Suspense/SPOOP in general/light romance (because who else would I be?)

Word Count: 1,927

Rating: PG13 (nothing gruesome, but knowing me there will be swearing)

Summary: You run a late night radio show dedicated to telling scary stories and urban legends, the creepier the better. Listeners call in and share their own, creating a small but loyal community of folks like you who love this sort of thing. One night, a man calls in with what sounds like an all-too-real story and before you know it, you’ll do anything to make sure he’s safe.

Frozen North Masterlist

Your dreams that night are full of howling wind, women with long white hair and red eyes, chasing you off a tree-lined path and onto a dark and haunting expanse of ice. You claw at the sheets, unable to pull yourself from the dream.

The sound of ice cracking, deep and earth shattering, snaps you from sleep and you gasp in the freezing air.

When you realize you’re safe in your bed you huff out a laugh and slump back into the pillows. The readout on your phone tells you it’s not even six in the morning, but you can’t fall back asleep. 

You want to call the number again. Logically you know it was a one-off. A prank or someone trying to be entertaining.

But something in your gut tells you that Chanyeol is in serious distress and you want to yell in frustration. What more can you do?

To stave off your unease you take a quick shower and review your essay for today’s class on the widespread cultural and psychological effects of contemporary mythology. 

The professor is a genius. Getting Dr. Paul Langford as your thesis advisor was a coup. Every class he’s taught during your combined MA and PhD in Mythology has been riveting, and this quarter’s is no exception.

When you’ve killed enough time you bundle up in your parka and thick boots. Before slipping your phone in your pocket you stare at it, willing Chanyeol to call again. To tell you it was a joke and that he’s fine.

You shake your head. ‘Ridiculous,’ you say to yourself. Why on earth would you care so strongly about someone you’ve never met?

The gnawing in your gut begs you to dig further, but you smother it. Shoving your phone in your pocket, you march out the door and begin the walk to class.

‘Today we’ll be talking about panic,’ Professor Langford says from the front of the class. ‘And, just to be wild, let’s start with my favorite widespread mass psychological panic - Koro.’

He clicks the button and a photo appears on screen, black and white and grainy, showing a cluster of men lying in hospital beds. Abjua, Nigeria 1981 reads the caption.

‘Koro is a delusional disorder in which someone believes their sex organs are disappearing, retracting, or have otherwise been stolen or taken. It has infected mass communities across Africa, Asia, and Europe at various points over the centuries.’

He clicks and a slide showing an illustration of men and women burning a witch appears. ‘An outbreak of this contagious belief struck Europe in the fifteenth century. Over a dozen women were burned for reportedly stealing men’s penises.’

The class stifles laughs and muttered jokes. 

‘Exactly,’ he says with amusement.

‘Obviously the incidents of women stealing men’s genitals in reality is very few. But what makes this belief that their genitals have been stolen so contagious? Why has it appeared at so many places at so many different times? That is what we’ll be discussing this week - the insidious and manipulative nature of myths and how they’ve been weaponized over history to eliminate certain groups.’

On your way out of class the professor calls out to you. ‘Great show last night, Roxy,’ he says with a wink at your stage name.

‘Really?’ you say, surprised. ‘I had no idea you listened to it.’

He straightens his tweed jacket. Though he’s older than you there’s a youth in his eyes and his manner. ‘I might be a teacher, but I promise I’m still hip with the underground scene.’

His lips twitch and you both laugh. ‘It was a pretty wild show. What did you make of that Alaska story someone called in with?’ he asks.

You chew on the inside of your cheek. ‘I don’t know if it was a story. It felt - it sounded - I don’t know. Like he was really in danger.’

He leans against the desk and folds his arms, considering you. ‘Really? What makes you so sure?’ There’s an intensity in his eyes you can’t understand.

To someone as intellectual and established as him it feels like unsteady ground to admit that you believe in something that might not be real. ‘I’m not sure it’s anything tangible. Just something in my gut.’

He nods, watching you closely. ‘Well, keep following it. If you find something it might be an interesting twist to your Phd.’

‘Yeah, we’ll see.’ You feel your phone in your pocket and suddenly a chill runs down your spine. 

You can’t explain it, but you need to be anywhere but in this room. ‘I should get going, I want to get in some library time before work. Thanks for a great class today.’

‘Thank you for your contributions, as always,’ he says with a wave. The odd sharpness has left his eyes and you breathe easier on your way out.

When you walk into the station later you’re surprised to still see Jennifer, the station manager, at her desk. She’s on the phone and waves to get your attention when you walk by.

‘Yep. Got it. Thanks,’ she says and hangs up the phone. ‘Hey lady, come on in, have a seat.’

Over the years you’ve sat in this office a handful of times. Once when you interviewed for the open spot. Once to review the format and logistics for your show. Ever few months since to check in about advertising plans, listener numbers, and other such things. She’s never been so animated before.

‘Great show last night!’ she says.

Your mouth drops. ‘Wait, you listened to The Long Night? I thought you hated this kind of ‘spooky stuff’?’ you ask, using your hands to make quotes in the air.

‘I normally do. I listened when I got in. Larry let me know that the streaming numbers for your show were through the roof this morning and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.’

‘Really? What kind of numbers are we talking about?’ You lean forward in your seat.

She turns the computer screen so you can see that chart on it. The blue line is steady and then at the point showing the last 24 hours the line curves upward sharply. ‘Triple. And growing by the hour.’

You gasp. ‘Why?’

She snorts. ‘That Alaska thing. It was compelling stuff. Your show is always good, Rox. But last night, I don’t know, it was chilling. People are interested. The blog for The Stranger even highlighted it. I think that’s what brought in a lot of the traffic.’

You sit back in your chair and toy with the phone in your pocket, torn. Everyone seems to think it’s just a stunt. Why does that feel so wrong?

‘Anyways, just wanted to say, keep up the good work,’ Jennifer says with a wink.

‘Thanks,’ you say absently, standing.

In the hallway you watch the street through the blinds. Night has already fallen, blanketing the Seattle neighborhood with darkness. You lean against the wall and pull out your phone, unlocking it and pulling up the call list again.

Chanyeol’s picture stares up at you. With your thumb hovering over the call button you debate with yourself. What if he’s just some guy? What if you call and he says you’re nuts for ringing him back?

After a minute, he makes that decision for you. Your phone buzzes and his face enlarges, filling the screen. 

CHANYEOL WOULD LIKE TO FACETIME reads the screen.

You’re so surprised you almost drop the phone. Quickly, you press accept.

This time, there’s only darkness. Silence. No howling wind or blowing snow. After a beat, you hear breathing.

‘Hello?’ you call into the phone. ‘Can you hear me… Chanyeol?’

Bumping and scuffling are heard and finally you can hear breathing. ‘Hello? Who’s this?’ comes his voice.

You sag in relief. ‘It’s… Roxy, from the radio show? You called last night? About the… white woman?’

Silence greets you and you wonder if you’ve lost him. But the call lingers on the screen. 

‘What… what day is it?’ he asks quietly.

You frown at the screen. ‘It’s Wednesday the twenty second. Why?’

He groans into the phone. ‘I can’t- I think I’m losing time here.’

You want to push to understand. ‘Is your name really Chanyeol?’

‘Yes, of course it is,’ he says and grunts, you hear something scraping as he moves. ‘Fuck, I - what happened to me?’

‘I don’t know. You called the station last night. You sounded like you were in danger.’ You hold the phone closer, trying to make out anything in the blackness.

‘I think I might be,’ he says. His voice sounds thin, haunted. The calls cuts in and out.

‘I can send help,’ you rush to say into the phone before you lose him. ‘You’re in Nome, right?’

‘Nome? Like in Alaska? Why-’ he says, confused, before the call drops.

Frantically, you hit the call button. The line rings and rings and you growl with frustration. No matter how many times you try you can’t get through and you run a hand through your hair and groan.

‘Hey, Rox. You ready?’

You turn to see Daniel leaning out of the booth, tapping his watch. The time on your phone says 7:55 and you jolt. 

‘Shit. Sorry. I’m coming.’

He ushers you into the booth and you hurry to take your coat off and pull out your notebook.

The show itself goes fine, even though the entire time you’re anxiously waiting for the show to be over so you can try to call him back. 

A writer who goes by Lisa the Forsaken calls in with a Slenderman-inspired story that gets a lot of good traction. Your bit on the connection between spiders and trickster myths is followed by a nice discussion.

Just before midnight, when you’re yawning and tapping your foot, preparing to wrap things up, a number pops up on the screen that makes your heart stop. 

1-907-613-2458 - UNLISTED NUMBER - NOME

You hit answer, cutting off the ad that’s playing.

‘Hello? Chanyeol?’ you ask frantically. ‘Are you alright?’

Behind the glass Daniel raises his brows at you. You wave at him and mouth ‘later.’

A whining sound is heard faintly through the line and you press your headphones closer to hear it. ‘Hello? Is... someone there?’

You smile with relief. ‘Yes, hi. It’s me. Are you okay? Do you remember talking to me earlier?’

At this Daniel gives you a surprised look.

‘No, not really I -’ the sound cuts out on a deep sigh. ‘I’m not sure where I am. I’m - oh god,’ he says, his voice going low and making your heart speed up.

‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

‘She’s back,’ he moans, closer to the phone. ‘Please. Please no. Help me-’

The line cuts out and a tone comes through. You and Daniel stare at each other. He looks just as shaken as you feel.

Reluctantly you hit the disconnect button and wonder what to do. The time reads 12:01 and you jump back on the line, swallowing to clear your throat of the fear that had taken root. 

‘I’m Roxy and this has been The Long Night. See you guys tomorrow… stay safe.’

Daniel hits play on the pre-set content and hits the button to speak into the booth. ‘Roxy, what the hell was that? What’s going on?’

‘I don’t know,’ you say as much to yourself as to him, staring at the number still on the screen. ‘But we have to do something.’

Tagging @itskindofafairything and @yeoldontknow <3

[victoriahyphen]

Graduation Ceremony Retrospective

Now that I’ve officially graduated with my PhD, I thought it would be worth revisiting the highs and lows of all the times I’ve graduated. 

High School (2007)

I attended a small town high school, with a graduating class of 53 students. Probably 40 of us had been together from kindergarten, so it really was the end of an era. It will be 13 years in May, so we’ll be crossing the threshold of being apart longer than we’ve been together, and honestly, lately, high school seems like another life entirely. Yet I am still in touch with my best friends from high school and when we’re together, it’s as if no time has passed at all. 

My senior year of high school felt weirdly transitory. At no point did I feel settled in for another year, instead it felt like I was in a holding pattern until graduation and college. It was also a weird year because of health issues. I did not yet have my endometriosis diagnosis, and I was seeing a neurologist to get to the bottom of my tremor. I made a college decision fairly early in the year and the rest of my time was spent biding my time. 

Graduation itself was interesting. Because it was a small school, there were little quirks and peculiarities. Being in band, my friends and I had attended the previous three graduations. The past three years had been the “41st commencement” because the principal had forgotten to update the program. Fortunately he remembered and we had an accurate program. We were not allowed to throw our caps, and they gave us the diploma folder but held the diploma hostage in case we misbehaved. There was a guy the previous year who had only worn a leopard print thong under his gown, so we had to be checked twice before we walked out to ensure we weren’t engaging in similar antics

Graduation Low Point: During the ceremony, one of my classmates, being clearly hungover and possibly still drunk, got up and jumped off the stage and walked out to use the bathroom, rather than exiting through the wings. He came back the same way. I know this is a tiny thing in the scheme of things, but for my thinking it was the quintessence of being at a rural school and not taking things seriously. Also the graduation speaker was a former college football player who talked about Jesus too much. There was far too much Jesus for public school in general. Also, I’ve mentioned it before, but I hated those white gowns.

Graduation High Point: The valedictorian mentioned the fact that I was a published author in his speech. We’d had an ongoing rivalry, so that was a pretty nice moment. All told, the only other thing going for it was that it was mercifully short.

Those shoes are the most 2007 thing that ever happened.

College Graduation (2011)

I have some big regrets about the last six months of college. I dated this terrible guy who cheated on me with his stalker (long story), and continued to spend time with him, because, well, I’m not one hundred percent sure. He is now married to the stalker, so good riddance to bad rubbish, I guess. I regret this because it gave me less time with my friends, who were genuinely amazing people. (Also, any young people reading this: come out of the closet and date the person you wish you had courage to, not the guy who just happens to be there).

So, as a small, private, liberal arts school, we were able to have a graduation rehearsal, which I’ve learned over the years makes all the differences. In hindsight, there are a lot of things about this ceremony that weirdly came together in ways that just seemed natural at the time. It is the only time I’ve walked across the stage and received an actual diploma, which was nice. 

Graduation Low Point: You’ve already heard about losing feeling in my arm. Beyond that, the ceremony was much longer than it needed to be because the college president not meeting anyone he could give a fifteen minute intro speech for. Also his wife fancied herself a poet, and she wrote a poem with full orchestration and projected video of fireworks. The poem was about manifest destiny, and it presented it like a good thing, which had troubling implications. Overall, the president and first lady were nice people, so I’m remiss to speak too ill of them (the president learned the name and face of every student on campus. Yes, it was a small school, but it wasn’t that small. It took work). All of this to say, the dark side of their charm was that graduation could be A Bit Much. 

Graduation High Point:  There was a lot of thought and care put into this ceremony that very few other ceremonies have captured. Also, my mentor came to the ceremony especially for me (he was on sabbatical and did not have to be there) and gave me a signed copy of a book by one of the philosophers we studied. (My mom had to open it for me because arm)

This was both not the pre-graduation official picture the school took in November or the official graduation picture taken the day of graduation. I am bad at pictures, so a few weeks before graduation, my mom had one of her friends take this so I could have a decent picture, knowing I would mess up the graduation pictures. She wasn’t wrong. Thanks Mom!

Masters Graduation (2013)

Going straight into an MA program from undergrad is a little odd because this graduation felt both worlds apart from the previous one, but also felt like “Didn’t we just do this two years ago?” Also, because it was a big school, we just had to show up in our regalia with out any pre-planning, so it very much felt like it was just kind of happening without much lead up. 

Graduation Low Point: Everyone cares about undergraduate graduation and it gets big speakers. The grad school graduation, in contrast, gets the guy who won the grad faculty award the year before, regardless of whether he was a public speaker or not. I could cut him some slack, but he went really long and he talked in a little too much detail about chemistry for my liking.

Graduation High Point: The Arena where graduation was being held has no floor access from the audience seats, so everyone on the floor was wearing either regalia or a robe as a banner barrier, which was really striking.

I never did manage to figure out how to wear that hat. 

Doctorate Graduation (2019)

The thing they don’t tell you when you graduate with your doctorate is you have more downtime leading up to graduation than ever before due to deadlines around dissertation uploads. Also, with conference travel and other things going on, it snuck up on me.

Graduation Low Point: This one didn’t seem to have as many low points as the others.  There was some weirdness during the doctoral hooding where they mismatched the names, but that was the smallest part.

Graduation High Point: There were many. My advisor and I sat together and could talk while the ceremony was happening. Also the speaker was short and sweet, and the ceremony, even with delays do to traffic, was mercifully short. 

My advisor and I

Hoods!

Family photo!

University processional

My name!

My husband is a fake doctor

Hooding

Mid-ceremony selfie

[fallxnprxnce]

You are such a talented writer especially in terms of exploring a character's personality, may we know the "origin story" between you and this character? Like, how did it go? What did you feel the first time you watched Hellboy II? We all always feel more interested in a certain type of characters, what made you feel so interested in Nuada? The way you explore his personality is great because he is more complex than most people think.

{out of exile} What a great question this is! I actually haven’t thought about it in a long time, heh. So... the very first time I saw Nuada was sometime in 2006 when I first saw this Hellboy II trailer in the movies. I was with my ex-boyfriend at the time, and I remember the first thing I took notice of was the creature in Nuada’s hand at 0:54. Me and my ex looked at each other at the same time and were like, “It’s a shilke!” I had been working on a short story as part of a world I’d been building for about a year (it is now my most developed fictional world), and I had created an original creature called a shilke that looked 95% like whatever that little guy was that Nuada tossed on the auctioneer’s face. I say 95% because mine didn’t have a big eyeball in the center of its back, heh, but otherwise, the size, shape, color, and even how it attacks (it sucks onto your face/head) was exactly the same. I felt kinda cool for a second, but that was quickly forgotten because as the trailer went on, I was just glued to whoever this white-haired dude was. my ex thought he was Drizzt, haha. I haven’t ever read those books, so I didn’t know who the hell he was... but I really wanted to know. I remember I wanted to know so badly, I actually turned my phone back on so I could text myself the name of the movie and look it up later. XD

I was fascinated with his appearance, his actions, his words... but most of all his voice. He seems like an angry violent sort, and Luke Goss’ softspoken, almost gentle-sounding voice is not what you would expect to come out of such a person. Plus, I recognized his voice right away because I was already a fan of his from seeing him in Blade II. So once I realized it was him I definitely wanted to find out more about the character, because LG always adds a lot of emotional depth to his characters, whether they are main characters or not, and I really love that. That’s my strength as a writer as well, character development and emotional writing, so actors like him tend to inspire me.

When I finally saw the movie, once wasn’t enough. I saw it two more times in the movies and bought the DVD as soon as it came out, heh. But my initial impression watching the movie wasn’t what I expected. I expected a fun fantasy film. I did not expect to cry as much as I did, to think as much as I did, and I certainly didn’t expect to walk out angry. I loved the movie, I really did... but at the time I was knee-deep in working through graduate school to get my PhD in environmental microbiology, in an environmental sciences department, and I had always been an environmentally conscious person. Over the years I’ve done my best to reduce my carbon footprint and to educate others on what they can do to do the same. I’ve always been passionate about environmental issues, and it takes the forefront a lot of times for me when I am voting for a political candidate or considering whether or not to work for a particular industry. And... from my specific point of view, having come through all of that and being where I was at the time, I left the theater angry and ashamed. Angry because I understood where Nuada was coming from and I agreed 100% with him (as far as environmental issues, not about the whole wiping out humans thing, heh), and ashamed because I was one of the humans he wanted to kill, essentially. I’m part of the problem, part of this misguided race, and while I realize this is fiction and there are no elves dying out because of us humans, there are tree frogs, tigers, sequoias, butterflies, polar bears, honey bees, and lots of other creatures that are slowly getting dangerously close to extinction because we over-harvest or over-hunt them, because we improperly dispose of and release chemicals into the environment that kills them, and because our industrialization habits are changing the world climate to the point of these creatures losing their habitats. So... I felt this sense of loss almost, watching the movie... as if I had just quit the BPRD myself like the rest of them at the end because I was pissed off at “our” collective behavior as a race up until that point. I found myself really mulling over what Nuada did in the movie, what was done to him, what he intended to do, what others ended up doing, and what the greater message for real life was among all of that.

My immediate response to “meeting” Nuada and seeing this movie for the first time, was to work through my thoughts in my writing. Years ago when I had more time, was happier, and felt a lot more creative than I do now for a number of personal reasons, my first response to anything I loved, hated, laughed about, cried about, etc. was to put it into writing. Not literally, and not directly... but I would let these sights, sounds, and experiences inspire me to write my own original stories and characters. Hellboy II and Nuada will forever be etched in my mind as one of the movies and characters that inspired me the most and produced the most incarnations of me thinking about this character, world, and situation. (Other characters on the same level as this are Ned Stark of ASoIaF/Game of Thrones and Karon of The Bridge of D’Arnath series.)

So what made me so interested in Nuada was how he made me feel and emote, and the sheer amount of writing that just flowed out of me after encountering him and his world. Nuada ended up inspiring five original characters of mine in three different worlds. I would like to summarize them for you, just to share a little about what he fueled for me, and I’ll try to pinpoint what aspects of Nuada or his situation inspired me to write them. Under the cut, though, because LONG:

Au’duin (in a series of short stories entitled The Ulaeri Chronicles completed in 2010, meant to be companions to an epic fantasy novel The Mask of Truth, unfinished since 2012) - His name means “elegance” in the Ulaeri language, a fictional language I created for this world. With this character, I chose to focus on my thoughts surrounding Nuada’s identity as a warrior and how he sees life through that lens, in addition to him dealing with social and racial prejudices, even among his own people. So the character of Au’duin grows up a male warrior who relies on his own body instead of magic in a matriarchal magical society that looks down on physical activity. I don’t want to get into plot and all that because long post, but he ends up getting arrested and being imprisoned in the royal palace during an assassination attempt that wipes out almost the entire royal family except for one of the princesses. He actually enlists in the help of a shilke and a sidekick of his, Jix (my leafling muse, @xleafyheartx), to rescue her from enemies that are largely magical in nature, so he is out of his element but also willing to go the distance for this one princess who had been willing to listen to him and talk to him like he was a person instead of treating him like this abhorrent warrior society hated. So I suppose I also explored some Nuada/Nuala thoughts of mine with this relationship as well.

Miennan (in The Ulaeri Chronicles) - His name means “strong one” in the Ulaeri tongue. This character was definitely meant to help me work through my Nuada/Nuala feelings and also Nuada’s anger and possessiveness towards his father/sister. This one has kindof a complicated plot, but Miennan is a twin brother to Arienne but does not know he was adopted. Basically, the Ulaeri queen never wants to admit she has a son, it’s an evil-aligned matriarchal society, so sons end up uh... disappearing, heh. But the queen’s mate at the time didn’t want anything to happen to his son, so he is able to hide him with another couple having a single child, and they just said they were twins. The problem with this is that Miennan grows up being far more powerful than his sister magically, he falls in love with her which is seen as taboo even though they are not related by blood, and his power is way out of line with his caste, so that draws attention. So with this character I explored not only the dynamics of Nuada and Nuala’s relationship, but also what Nuada was feeling as far as being alienated within his own family. Miennan ends up giving his life to save Arienne and their child, so he changes from a selfish and possessive youth to someone willing to live and die for others.

Sri’hen (in both The Ulaeri Chronicles and The Mask of Truth) - His name means “the weaver” in the Ulaeri tongue. He is Miennan’s older brother, the firstborn, in fact, but he was given away outside the Ulaeri community and never met any of his siblings. With this character (who is the ex of Channe, @fxcelessqueen), I really chose to explore some of the worst attributes about Nuada. Violence, anger, possessiveness, sexism, defensiveness, and a desire for power for all the wrong reasons. Sri’hen becomes one of the most prominent villains in the story, but he changes into actually a rather honorable character with age and with changing relationships. His relationship with Channe was utterly toxic and fueled the worst things about both of them. Being misunderstood and misguided and too arrogant to ask for help, Sri’hen stewed for decades after Channe betrays and leaves him, and he ends up becoming very evil. But as time went on, he was able to mature and to find someone else with whom he had a much more positive relationship that changed him for the better. It’s a long journey for him, about 300 years, but his is one of the most complex and detailed character arcs I’ve ever written, so I’m pretty proud of it.

Caden Ostyrian (inan epic fantasy novel called Blood is Thicker, completed in 2012) - With this character, I wanted to explore Nuada’s feelings of exclusion, abandonment, betrayal, and oppression within his own family, how an individual like him would respond, and how it might come to be resolved in a positive way. Caden was born Ashen in a world where simply being Ashen is pretty much a crime. Females are killed and males are suffered to exist until age ten and then they are sent to the Divide, a 300 ft. wall that basically walls in the country of Astvar on its peninsula. Below it is hundreds of miles of marshlands and dangerous creatures. So... Ashen people just pop up randomly in society. It’s not genetic, and I’m not going to get into what it actually is because this post is already super long, but ashen people have pale skin, white or gray hair, and blue or gray eyes, hence being called “ashen.” So all the boys are sent to live on the Divide because the wall needs to be manned to keep the rest of the country safe and of course “normal” people don’t want to do this themselves, so they force the Ashen population to do it. It’s a pretty grim setup for them. They’re basically prisoners there. Caden... was born a prince, the second oldest son of three of the king of Astvar. He was supposed to go to the Divide at age ten, but the king hypocritically didn’t send him until he was 25. Caden, like Nuada, is a natural warrior with a serious wild streak in him, so to suddenly be sent to the Divide at age 25 and have this pompous attitude like “I’m a prince, I shouldn’t be here,” really pissed off all the other people there, haha. But he ends up, after a long time of having his ego beaten down and maturing emotionally, uniting the Ashen on all three sections of the Divide and basically turns them into a very capable army that goes on to fight for their rights against the northern country. So with this character I mulled over my thoughts about Nuada’s arrogance and level of maturity, his identity as a warrior, and his ability to be an actual leader instead of a lone, pissed-off force, heh.

Aerahdlanion “Adanion” for short (in a fantasy novel called Journey, unfinished since 2015) - I honestly forget what his name means in the language of the Purplewood Elves, heh... it’s been a while... XD I never finished this book and I was really sorry that I didn’t, but certain things going on in my life at the time caused me to lose my inspiration for it. But Adanion was a very gentle and selfless elf who makes a journey by himself that he knows he’s not going to be able to complete. Basically, his people are dying from an illness, and most of them believe this is happening for a reason and that it’s their time to fade. Others, like Adanion, are not so sure. He loses his wife to the illness and then becomes afflicted himself, and although he’s starting to lose his faculties and he’s in a lot of pain, he volunteers to make the trek to the mountains where it is believed that the essence of an ancient goddess his people pray to is stored in a large crystal. His people believe this because they have a piece of the crystal, and the legend basically says that when the crystal is mended, the goddess will awaken and either save them in their hour of need, or help them all pass over into the Afterplane. Adanion ends up dying of his illness very early on in the story, but not before he stops at a human inn and meets several other characters who are moved by his cause and want to help him make this journey. After he dies, they continue on, taking the piece of the crystal to the location he specified. Adanion seems very central to the story, but really it’s about the relationships between the very different humans (some use magic, some don’t, some have conflicting religions, some have disabilities of their own, some are tolerant, some are intolerant, etc.), what they all think of Adanion’s sacrifice and the plight of his people, and how much they’re willing to do for this race of people they didn’t even know existed until they met Adanion. So with this character and story, I wanted to explore everything outside of Nuada and his people and go more into how humans looking in on his story and plight (as I was watching the movie) would feel about what was happening to them, and how that might change their thinking going forward.

Aaaaaaaand that is enough blabbing for this post, holy cow, haha. Sorry for the length. But yeah, my initial response to Nuada was to be very emotionally moved, engaged by his plight, interested in his psychology, and motivated to write characters with similar pieces-parts and explore different situations with them. And then by the end of 2015, I was looking to get into rping on Tumblr, and at that time I remember thinking okay, what is a character that is easy for me to write, that I’m comfortable with, that I know like the back of my hand, but that there’s also plenty left for me to explore and expand upon? And the first one I thought of was Nuada, heh. So he was just a natural fit for me as far as getting started. Now I have way too many muses, hahaha. XD

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT NJ: BEST WEEKEND EVER

Okay, so last year, I made a big post detailing the entire event and whileI might do something akin to that later, seeing as how I posted so many of my questions (You can find them under my ouatnj tag) and answers already and I’m between feeling like I’m gonna pass out from exhaustion and feeling like i want to bounce off the walls, I thought I’d just write down some highlights of my trip:

1. Meeting My Internet Friends!

After MONTHS and sometimes YEARS of following so many people, I finally got to! @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt, @queen-mabs-revenge, @thesschesthair, @lillpon, @fraddit, @justmilah, @coaldustcanary, and @freifraufischer were just a few of the ones I spent a fair amount of time with! Also, shoutouts to @killianmesmalls, @dani-ellie03, and @captregina who I already knew beforehand AND to @agntreginaskywalker and @reginamotherfuckingmills who were completely new friends (The latter of whom was a fantastic seat mate)! Seriously, it was so fun and relaxing grabbing meals with you, watching episodes and panels together, and of course, swimming in the amazing Marriott pool!

Hanging out with you all was sincerely the best part of the weekend.

...Almost as much as...

2. BEING CALLED COLIN’S FAVORITE!!!!

I SHIT YOU NOT!

COLIN O’FREAKIN DONOGHUE CALLED ME HIS FAVORITE!

This all started with his solo panel, where I asked him about the development of Rumple and Wish Killian’s friendship (Check the 20-minute mark of his panel). That question was made in about ten minutes at the prompting of the lovely @queen-mabs-revenge and it went better than I EVER could’ve hoped! Colin said I “should be on TV” and had me give the question again!

That’s all well and good, but this story has a part 2.

I get on line for the Rose/Colin duo panel and I’m actually the first one to ask a question (See the first question asked here). 

Colin says -- and I quote -- “She’s my favorite. She’s like -- it’s like Michael Parkinson.” After requesting that I ask again (And quite jovially at that!), I ask and he’s just so excited!!!! There’s this look in his eyes and tone of his voice of wonder and Rose says it’s like PHD stuff. 

Look, I don’t mean to brag, but I will take pride in knowing that the effort that I put into making good questions brings Colin and Rose such joy! That feeling can never be taken away from me. It’s what some of their fans would kill for and it was an honor for me to have given them that.

I’ve got a few more, but I don’t want to be obnoxious so here’s more under the cut.

3. Witnessing Lillpon meet Colin for the first time.

@lillpon...that was simply beautiful! <3

4. Getting my Funkos!!!

I love @freifraufischer‘s custom OUAT Funkos and I knew I just HAD to have one! With the promise of free shipping for any NJ con goers, I knew I had to have one. After what I promise was an ARDUOS process of elimination choosing my favorite, I eventually settled on the Storybrooke Killian with the short coat (My favorite Killian). About a week and a half before the con, F3 messages me and says I’m getting ANOTHER Funko for FREE, this time a Season 1 Emma. Needless to say, I was floored with excitement!!!

And just LOOK at them!!!

THEY LOOK AMAZING!!! THEY’RE FLAWLESS! THANK YOU!!! <3 I LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH! I PROMISE YOU THAT I’LL TRY TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING EQUALLY AMAZING!

5. More Question Compliments!

Yeah, people apparently LOVED my questions! In addition to getting tons of nice compliments from my fellow con-goers, Rebecca Mader called my question “intelligent and eloquently put” at my photo opp with her and during my M&G with Beverly Elliott, she said I should be a writer! Again, my apologies for the bragging, but this is just too COOL not to tell everyone about! It felt like being a superhero: Question Girl!

6. It Felt Fucking Earned!

I’ve brought up my car accident on my page a fair amount, but the recovery from that was an actual nightmare and now follows me through a fair bit of PTSD. I was off weight bearing for six weeks, lost my job in the process, felt horrible amounts of grief the entire time, and anxiety over potentially missing the con. My recovery was a battle that was met with uncertainty at every turn, and the idea of going to this con kept my spirits and hope alive. So to come here and have the best weekend felt...well, as I said above, it felt earned.

7. Validation

This con really validated my sense of self as an OUAT fan in three ways.

First, it allowed me to explore just what I could do. This con made me feel more courageous. I not only asked questions (Something I did last year), but I talked to all of my internet friends, some of whom I used to be so nervous to approach because I simply felt they were in a higher league than me. But (After some blustering), I found that I did fit in and was able to have conversations with them and even about topics I thought I’d never be able to talk about. As someone who constantly worries over a lot of things (And for good reason), I can’t overestimate what a big step this was for me.

Second, it made me feel smart. I know I bragged a lot before, and I genuinely apologize for it, but I normally don’t get a lot of feedback on the things that I do, so to get such big praise from Colin, Rose, Rebecca, and Beverly put me over the moon. I have such pride and confidence now in my writing abilities and my thought processes.

Third, I want to be real with you. Sometimes, I question if I belong in this fandom. I came in on the later side, I don’t fully align with any of the major groups, I’m not especially salty, and aren’t usually part of the running jokes and what not. And those things can make you feel like you’re invisible. And despite having actual friends in the fandom, friends I honestly adore and who I am so thankful for every single day, I’d like to befriend more people!

And this weekend really helped like that. As @killianmesmalls pointed out a few days ago, it was like summer camp and left me with a warm feeling. I felt like I belonged and that’s because I did. It was...just utter bliss.

Extra: PHOTOS!!!!

I wanted to show you all my excellent photo opps!

@the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt and I trying to stop a fight between friends and falling even harder for our captains in the process!

Not a photo opp, but when your puppy makes the big screen, it is a moment worthy of being here!

Colin’s hugs are delightful!

My post-M&G selfie with the most lovely woman in all the realms! <3 Fun fact: she gave me some selfie tips because I’m not the most photogenic person! XD

As evidenced by...

Colin tells a dad joke and Rose just...can’t. 

The dad joke since it ended up being too small): When I was in pirate school, I always hated getting my report card. That’s because it always got the same thing every time... Seven Seas! (I actually gave the speech bubble to Rose!)

@fraddit and I stage a mutiny!

Peace may reign over the Mills family, but sibling rivalries never truly end!

So, I was originally gonna do a goofy photo, but I was so caught up with Rebecca’s kind words that I just went for a normal shot. Still, it’s probably one of my favorties of the set.

Thank you for reading this, if you got that far! I’m so sad that the official conventions are ending soon, butI can’t underestimate the fun I had here!!! If you’re going to Burbank, have the best time ever. Talk to people. Ask questions. Make some impulse purchases. Meet that account you’ve been following forever. And keep on smiling the whole way through. <3