#Pedro Pascal - You Sexy Vampire!

[carusolikey]

The Blue Hour

a Max Phillips & Bloodsucking Bastards FanFic

Chapter 5: The Killing Moon

Part 1/2: There Will Be Blood

Previously, on 'The Blue Hour' - An unwelcome blast from the past reappeared, with questionable motivations. Max made it his business to use some of his unique skills to lift spirits and in return, a few areas of improvement were demonstrated for entertainment's sake. This week - There will be blood. And a new sense of intimacy. Special warnings apply to this chapter - take care to peruse, dear reader - Bloodsucking Bastards be lurking in these pages!

Pairing: Max Phillips of Bloodsucking Bastards x afab!fem!reader

Rating: Explicit / NSFW 18+ (No Minors)

Author’s Note: I wrote this piece during the month of April 2024 - Adenomyosis Awareness Month, and the idea came to me during March 2024 (Endometriosis Awareness Month). This will not have any type of pregnancy kink, but will touch on infertility of OC due to the aforementioned; canon for this story is also that Vampires are infertile - there will be no Renesmé. OC is intended to be around the same age as Max, reader’s choice up or down, but no age gap. Because older afab/fem lovers are sexy - we drink and we know things. The style of this sticks to the humor and playfulness of the original movie, while incorporating a very sexy and romantic Max, even though he is a little bit of a cocky, smartmouth asshole.

Warnings: 18+ only content. This chapter includes some grisly, Bloodsucking Bastards-style vampires murdering, with suggestive gifs that may include some swaths of blood, from the movie upon which this fic is based. A bit of rough sex/smut (fingering, fem penetration - P in V, oral [m + f receiving]). Consensuality is implied and intended through actions and reactions, no protection used for Vampire reasons previously disclosed (be wise and always use protection, this is fiction). Able bodied / Invisibly disabled fem afab reader with endometriosis. Alcohol consumption. Non-gendered pet names, fem can be carried and has hair - though length is not mentioned. Did attempt to stay away from gendered pronouns and nicknames, although did use the word woman, possibly more than 3 times throughout the entire piece (not fully published yet) referring to OC. Will occasionally refer to history of endo / adeno.

Word Count: ~ 13,700+ (total between Part 1 + Part 2)

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Continue Chapter 5 - Part 2

When I woke up, I felt refreshed in a way I hadn’t in a very long time. Not once did I find myself waking in the middle of my sleep cycle, tossing or turning, I slept all the way through. Letting my eyes wander around Max’s bedroom, I raised my arms above my head, stretching deliciously to the left and to the right. Yawning into a contented sigh, I gently tugged the collar of his Prince t-shirt over my nose, breathing in deeply the scent of Max - whiskey, leather, lavender or pine, maybe? The combination was heady and intoxicating. I made up my mind right then and there that I was wearing that shirt back to my apartment, under the guise that I was going to wash it for him. Lies! My thoughts called me a liar to my own face. 

They weren’t wrong, though.

Getting out of bed, I pulled up the sheets, remaking the bed neatly. I wished for a moment that I had some mints to leave on his pillows, then thought better of it. Would a vampire even want a mint? What’s the vampire equivalent of a mint? A used tampon? No. No, no, no, no, no. I shook my head, chiding myself for even thinking that. I’m a terrible person. Absolutely horrible - disgusting. But I still laughed anyway.

Putting on my pants, I picked my shirt up from where I left it on a chair in his room, and grabbed his apartment key from the bedside table. Walking through the rest of the apartment, into the living room, I smiled as I remembered how much fun I had with him last night. I felt that glow in my heart start to swell again when I pictured his face, his eyes wide with surprise at how terribly disproportionate his features had been when I first showed him my artwork in progress. 

Noticing that the pencil and additional paper were still sitting on his coffee table, I sat down, feeling words starting to flow as I focused on my feelings for Max. I picked up the pencil and started to write.

I feel myself fading  like a mist, you see me, though - you walk right up to me, like I still exist. Like I’m still a whole, solid person. Somehow that consolidates  my molecules, brings me back from another plane Where I’ve focused on my pain, into this one. How do you do that? Without even trying you make me smile, making a beeline to my outline, not just acknowledging my presence but letting me know  I am your focus - and I can’t help  but be here and now for you, with you. Certain elements are more powerful when combined, and that chemistry is science  that cannot be denied. My dear Watson, it’s elementary  that we are certainly in our own covalent bind. You share your electrons and I share mine - then we’ll carve our initials where Hadron collides.

Reading it over, I considered folding it up to take with me and hide away with the rest of my poetry in my notebook. Then again, after last night - how much Max opened up to me and shared his passion for music, his grief about his abuela? It felt a little silly, but I decided to go ahead and leave the poem for him. I wanted him to know that he inspired me, that I thought about him, even when we weren’t together. Wandering into the kitchen, I thought I’d just hang it up on his fridge, next to the unhinged picture I drew.

That’s when I saw his fridge, and the magnets he had decorating the front of the stainless steel appliance. Elvis Presley - but Young Elvis specifically, and with a few different outfits. His blue suede outfit with matching shoes, of course; an entirely gold suit, which I wasn't familiar with, but I was mentally locking away for a rainy day; and then the famous white jumpsuit with cape, but the giant, bedazzled belt was missing and so were the sunglasses.

My eyes scoured the surface of the fridge, when - Wait a darn minute! That dirty thief! 

My own Gandalf the Grey was on his fridge - I knew it was mine, because he was part of a set, and you can’t have Gandalf without getting all of the Hobbits and Legolas and Aragorn. And here was Gandalf, wearing Elvis’ sunglasses and massive belt and holding his guitar in place of his staff.

Did he look fabulous? Obviously. But that didn’t stop me from balking at the gall of Max, stealing my refrigerator magnets from me, under my own nose, in my own apartment. When did he do that? How long has Gandalf been missing? I guess I know what I’m having for breakfast - BEEF!

Well, that was it, wasn’t it? I hung up my poem on the fridge using the blue suede suit, and took the white jumpsuit. Frodo was going to look like a fucking short king in this outfit, so help me.

With that, I left Max’s apartment with my hostage and took the elevator down to my floor. As I walked down the hall, I heard the low mutterings of Mr. Vilallonga’s apologies while I entered my key in the lock. Hmmm. I feel like I should be concerned about that. Note to self - ask Max about Mr. V later, I logged away the mental note, forgetting almost immediately as I entered my apartment.

The memory of the previous night hit me like a snowball in July as my phone lit up, “Is tonight still good?” 

My ex. Just checking in.

It’s funny, because a text like that sends me back to what it was like being in the relationship, the expectation vs the reality - did he check in at all when we were together? Didn’t he get angry when I checked in with him?

Ugh. I just want this to be over. 

I texted him back, “Yep. See you in an hour.”

He responded to my text with a gif of Jonah Hill saying ‘Okay’ over and over, which triggered my gag reflex as I moaned loudly, “Ughhh! You’re both the worst. Of course you sent a Jonah Hill gif!”

Doing a little squeamish dance into my bedroom, I shuddered thinking about those two horrible examples of toxic men and walked over to my bedside table, plugging in my phone. Stripping off Max’s shirt, I held it in front of me and laid it down carefully on the bed, then kicked off my shoes and pants.

“Okay, shower - café, and then Max. Hopefully,” I thought aloud, as I pulled out one of my favorite thrifted vintage finds, hanging it in the bathroom to steam as I showered.

Once I got out of the shower, dried my hair, and changed into the vintage dress, I stood in front of my full-length mirror. Admiring my reflection, I only had but one criticism of the brown and white polka-dot dress, reminiscent of Julia Roberts in the movie, Pretty Woman. 

“It's a shame you don’t have a matching white hat and gloves, Vivi-annnnne.” I said to my reflection, trying to pronounce Pretty Woman’s name like Richard Gere did in the movie. But ended up sounding a lot more like Hannibal Lecter, drawing out Clarice’s name - asking her what she saw, knowing full well it was the slaughtering of the spring lambs.

That Hannibal Lecter, what a card!

I looked at my watch - about twenty minutes to kill. Rolling my eyes, I decided to just get it over with and head down to the café. Purse, keys, phone, earbuds (always!), I headed out the door to the elevator. The weather had warmed up quite a bit and a nice breeze carried the scent of honeysuckle from someone’s mini-city-garden nearby. The side street wasn’t too busy and I crossed quickly, as the street lights started to flicker on.

Stepping into the café, I looked around. Nope, not here yet. May as well grab a coffee, I haven’t stopped by here in a minute. I walked up to the counter, perusing the chalkboard menu behind the bar, and my eyes stopped at the Andes Mint Latte - dark chocolate and peppermint. Chuckling lightly to myself, thinking about the mints that I’d wished I had put on Max’s pillows, I decided that perhaps it was a good idea to lean into the coincidence and ordered it.

Sitting down with my drink, I plopped my earbuds in, scrolling through my music as I sipped the latte. An exquisite blend of dark cocoa and peppermint - without being overly sweet, it was warming, refreshing, and decadent. I settled on a simple bop, not wanting to feel too deeply. Just simply wanting to have a song in the forefront of my brain that reminded me that whomever walked into the café tonight, may not behave like the same person I left. I knew that I needed to remember, it doesn’t mean he’s changed or that he has my best interests at heart. 

“Why do we make the simplest things so hard?” Arlo Parks sang to me over my earbuds, “I let my pain out through the way that I sit, and start to pick at the rips in my Nikes.”

Her lyrics remind me that when I was with him, I used to obsessively pick at the skin on the side of my thumbnails. Looking down at my hands, at my thumbs, I saw that skin had healed - a testament to the peace not having him in my life has brought me.

“You quote Thom Yorke and lean in for a quick kiss, but still you just won't admit that you like me.”

Trying not to let my face betray my thoughts, I remember telling him I loved him. Closing my eyes, his response fresh in my mind like it was only yesterday, “If I tell you I love you every time you say it, it’ll lose its meaning.”

The implication - that my love had lost its meaning, my love wasn’t worth anything, that his was worth more than mine, that I only deserved his love, when? When did he say it back - outside of the first seven days, when I told him it was too soon to say things like that?

Before I had a chance to count those instances on one hand, the chair across from me at the table made a loud scraping sound as he pulled it out. Attempting not to glare too intensely, I noticed he’d grown his hair out so that he could achieve a full man-bun. His wildly unkempt beard, clearly a nod to birds’ nests everywhere. And naturally, straight from a Portlandia episode - sporting a flannel shirt over a t-shirt advertising his brewery. Which of course he chose to order their specific craft IPA tonight - because why cheat on your beer?

I needed to judge him, if only to keep my emotional distance and keep some sense of dignity about myself. Max wasn’t here and I was not about to let myself crumple on the floor again, not in front of him.

“Hey, how are ya?” He gave an awkward grin, scooting the chair loudly back into the table as he sat down.

“Fine. You said you have some of my things?” Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? I thought to myself.

“Uh, yeah. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hang out for a bit first, have a drink?”

Pointing to my latte, with a beatific smile plastered on my face, “Mine’s to-go, I’m good.”

“Oh, well - you look really good.” He nodded as he said it, giving me approval I didn’t need. “What have you been up to?”

“Thanks. A little of this and that. Today I went to this little café –”

“Oh, yeah? How’d you like it?”

“It was good. The coffee’s excellent.”

“What’s it called?” He asked, taking a sip of his IPA.

“Beanie, Bebé.”

“Uh, that’s this place.”

“Yeah.” I bit my lower lip, trying to prevent myself from giving him anymore snark than necessary.

He raised his eyebrows and looked around the coffee shop, realizing that he was not going to get any more info from me, rolling his pint around in his hands.

“Soooo, Nat and I are moving in together.”

“Cool. You did text that to me, and that’s why we’re here now. I’m also not interested in hearing about your life with the person you cheated on me with.”

My hands shook a little, as I felt myself standing up to him in ways that I had not been able to do previously. Even if it didn’t really seem like there was much to stand up to.

Pursing his lips sheepishly, he nodded, “Fair enough.” He pulled a box up from the floor and onto a chair between us. “I’m pretty sure all of this is yours.”

Peering into the box, I pulled out my college sweatshirt, one of my old poetry notebooks, some mail that was definitely junk mail, an IKEA catalog, and one singular mitten. 

“Are you serious? This is not mine,” I said, pulling up a flimsy, bejeweled, lime green thong, with one of the forks from the table.

“Oh. That’s Nat’s. My bad.” He took the thong, and put it in his pocket, while I looked on in disgust. “There’s something else in there that’s yours, though.”

Extremely hesitant to see what the next item would be in his box of horrors, I reluctantly took another peek inside, and saw the small, satin, lilac box with it's moonlight grey tinted sheen. Sighing, I picked it up and placed it on the table, pushing it towards him. 

“I don’t want this.”

He opened the small box, turning it around for me to see, “We picked this out together. I bought it for you - it’s yours.”

Staring back at me was the silly little ring I’d shown him years ago from Dior - 18k gold with a 0.03 ct diamond. The unique thing about the ring was that it was bent into the French word, ‘oui,’ with the diamond punctuating the ‘i’. For us, it was supposed to mean directly what it translated as, an enthusiastic ‘yes!’ to us, to being together, to the future, to adventures, to supporting one another. ‘Oui!’ to ‘we!’ - right? But I was long since past thinking of ‘us’ or ‘we’ or any future with him.

With him.

I looked out the window and thought I saw Max walk by, but either he was too fast, or I was imagining it. Wishful thinking, perhaps?

Glancing back, I repeated myself, “I don’t care. I don’t want this. Give it to Nat.” 

Then, standing up, I gathered up the few items in the box, slinging it against my hip with one hand and carrying my coffee in the other. 

“Enjoy the rest of your beer.” And I walked out, not bothering to look back at the man in my figurative rearview mirror.

Heading back across the street, I felt myself shaking a bit. Pleased that I managed to get through it, although all I could think about was getting back to my apartment. I counted each step, from the front door to the elevator, the seconds in between each floor, the steps from the elevator to my apartment. Once I turned the key in the lock, I dropped the box next to the door, peeling off my dress and going straight to the window next to the dining table. It felt like I was overheating. I needed air quickly and managed to crack open the window with less difficulty than usual. 

As I walked into my bedroom I tried to connect to my speakers. I was ready to purge myself of my ex and reinfuse myself with Max.

Flipping through my playlist I found the perfect song, but my phone gave me an error message. Presumably because I got disconnected from my WiFi when I went across the street? I’ll get this working in a minute, my thoughts floated through a fog. I took Max’s button-up shirt from a couple nights ago, hanging on the back of my bedroom door, and put it on - buttoning up a handful of buttons in the center. 

When I went back to sit at the dining table, I paused for a moment, seeing my ex walk out of the café down below. Like a flash of lightning, he was suddenly hit, gasping for just a moment as someone pinned him against the wall on the far side of the café near the dumpsters.

Is he getting mugged?? I squinted through the dark, and realized that I recognized the figure in the tailored suit. Holy shit. That’s Max.

My ex struggled, as Max held him against the wall by his neck, whispering into his ear. Fear painted my ex’s face and then his eyes widened, just before Max broke his arm, bending it down and out of the way so that he could bite into his throat. Still pathetically flailing, Max was unbothered by his weak attempts to escape.

As my ex’s arms grew too heavy for him to consciously lift, Max pulled back and punched a hole in his chest. He pulled out my ex’s heart, and threw it towards a pack of stray dogs that had gathered to watch. While his consciousness started to fade, Max slapped him, looking him in the eyes, pointing at the heart he just threw to the dogs, as if to say, “Look. That’s what you get.” 

Once my ex was fully slumped over, Max took him by the arm and tossed his body in the dumpster, wiping his own mouth off on the back of his hand, like he’d just enjoyed a plate of ribs. 

Abruptly and startlingly, my speakers finally decided to play at full volume, the song I had selected prior to witnessing that entire ordeal.

With my window wide open, Peter Gabriel began singing In Your Eyes, as I stood looking down at Max. The music drew his attention and he looked up, directly at me, our eyes locked and in that moment of connection he understood that I knew what he did - for me. Even covered in blood, there was nothing that scared me about him. My heart beat and I finally took a breath in, as Max mysteriously disappeared from the very spot I’d been frozen watching.

The quiet woosh of airy wings approached me so quickly, I had no time to react, Max was suddenly just there - next to me. A mask of red death coating his clothes as he looked down at me, dressed in next to nothing but his clean white shirt. He took a step towards me, and I took a few steps backwards, my back against the wall. Kneeling down in front of me, putting his hands on my waist, he leaned his head against my stomach and then looked up, into my eyes.

Holding his chin steady with my left hand and bunching up the long sleeve of his shirt in my right hand, I gently wiped the blood from his face as he closed his eyes. Running my fingers through his hair, he let out a light sob as he buried his face into me again, wrapping his arms around my waist and giving me a squeeze. His grip relaxed, and he drew himself upright slowly, his hands gently resting at my waist as he towered over me, looking down into my eyes, examining my face, my lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

I nodded. 

“No. I need you to say it.”

“Yes.”

He put one hand against the wall near my head, as he leaned down to kiss me, his lips softly touching mine, as his tongue peeked out and in between my lips, toying with the idea of going a bit deeper. Leaning back, using one finger, he turned my cheek and gently touched a spot on my neck, just below my ear. 

“May I kiss you here?”

I nodded again.

“No, Sweetness. I want you to tell me.”

“Yes, Max.”

Moving closer, he put his mouth below my ear, kissing it in such a way that I started to forget who I was, but before I was done with that particular move - he pulled back, turning my head the other way. Drawing his finger down along the nook of my neck, just above my clavicle, “How about here? May I kiss you here?”

Starting to feel a little breathless, I responded with some difficulty, “Yes. Yes, please.”

Taking his other hand from my waist, he took a hold of my hand - raising it above my head, effectively caging me in between both of his arms. I reached out with my other hand, slowly running my hand up his bloody chest as he leaned into me, my fingers curling around the back of his neck, making their way through warm curls at the nape.

Max’s hand flexed around mine, squeezing gently as he slid both hands down the wall along both sides of my body. One hand reached up, his index finger nudging my chin up before tracing a straight line down to the top of his shirt that I was wearing. 

His sticky forehead against mine, “I want to unbutton this. Yes?”

With a single, lazy nod of assent, “Yes,” I spoke in a husky whisper.

There was no rush - time was ours to make of it what we would, as buttons were crisply released from starched button holes, revealing my lacy maroon lingerie beneath and the light scars along the bottom of my abdomen. Kneeling back down on the floor in front of me, one by one, he let his fingers lightly brush over each scar - his newfound awareness of my body made him want to explore. I winced slightly when the pad of his thumb grazed a newer scar on my right side, and he instantly stopped, looking up at me with a concerned look on his face.

“I’m fine, it just provoked a sensitive spot - like a spark from static electricity, there and gone in a moment.” 

Max’s face relaxed, and he hooked both thumbs into the legs of my lingerie, raising an eyebrow as he gazed up at me from his kneeling position, “Yes?”

I licked my lips and nodded.

“Say it.”

“Yes.”

Sliding them down my legs, he simultaneously managed to use just his thumbs to caress my inner thighs with a delicate, featherweight lightness, and before I knew it, my lingerie was on the floor. He put his large, warm hand on my abdomen, and said in a low voice, “In about 30 seconds, my mouth is going to be on your pussy. Do I have your permission to use whatever means possible, to make you cum?” He turned his head upwards, gauging my reaction.

My breath caught, my heart rate increased, my hands flexed, clawing lightly at the wall behind me.

“Yes or no?” Max reiterated the baseline answer required to move forward - or not.

“Yes. Yes, please.” I croaked.

He smirked up at me, his dimple prominent, and I felt my vagina contract slightly as I thought about his mouth, his tongue, his sexy fucking nose.  

Max clenched his jaw, visibly running his tongue around his mouth, as though he were a lion preparing to take down a gazelle.

Moving forward, he tilted his face upwards, placing his lips around my clitoris, kissing and swirling his tongue. Without bothering to stop, he hooked his right arm under my left leg, and wrapped it over his shoulder. I grabbed onto his hair for support with my right hand, accidentally pulling a little harder than intended. 

“Mmmmm.” Max groaned into me. Okay. He likes that. 

As he made his way down to my vagina, sticking his tongue into me aggressively, his nose kept rubbing against my clit. His right hand held my left leg in place, preventing me from jerking away from him, while he worked his way back up. Watching him kiss and very gently graze his teeth against me, I almost felt jealous - but then I felt the rush of electricity pulling my body, as my back involuntarily arched away from the wall. I cried out in pleasure, bucking against Max’s firm hold on my leg.

While my body still trembled, he slid my leg off his shoulder, grabbing my whole body as he stood up, and whisking me into the bedroom. Laying me on the bed, he put his hand on my lower stomach, carefully running it up to the center of my chest, on top of my bra.

“Yes?” He squinted at me, giving me a half smile.

Granting him a coquettishly defiant smile in return, “Yes, sir.” Causing him to let out a laughing growl, as he climbed the bed, hovering over me.

Revealing his fangs, he ripped through my bra, leading me to exclaim in surprise, “Max! Again??”

Presenting a facade of pure innocence, “Sweetness - you said yes. Besides, I didn’t buy this for you.”

Something about the way he said that sent chills through me, in the best way. I smiled up at him as my bare breasts began to heave a bit more, nipples ready and waiting for the opportunity to feel any and every sensation Max was willing to provide.

He leaned upright, loosening his tie, and I reached towards him, “Come back here, you!”

Instead, he ripped his vest and shirt open, the buttons flying everywhere as I put my arms up to protect my face, gasping.

“Okay, admittedly, that was very hot - but that shirt is definitely ruined now.”

Max giggled, furrowing his brows and shaking his head, “Nah. There was no way I was getting those blood stains out.” 

Yanking his belt off, he unbuttoned his pants, and immediately I was reminded that he specifically was not wearing any underwear. My eyes hungrily took in his handsome cock, and as I remembered that morning's activities, I realized that Max’s Prince t-shirt was still on my bed. Frantically, I looked up and to my right, grabbing the shirt with two fingers and flinging it across the room to what I hoped was a safe place for the time being. 

He chuckled, “Thank you for making sure that my prized t-shirt didn’t turn into a bloody mess, because I’m about to wreck you, and the tunnel vision,” he waved his hands very close to the side of his face, like a traffic conductor, from his eyes to my breasts, and then my vagina, “is really happening. My dick is currently experiencing some hard core FOMO after hearing the strain of profanity you let out in the other room.”

I slapped my hand over my mouth, and then let go in order to whisper, “I don’t remember that, and that just happened?? –Fuck.”

Max smiled, and then he started to chuckle, and that chuckle turned into a full blown laugh. “Did I just give you an out of body experience?”

Putting my hand up to my forehead, I looked around, thinking and calculating, “I, I �� I don’t know.” Finally just laughing right along with Max.

He leaned back over me, his face serene as he smiled at me and began kissing me, but only the places where I’d previously given permission. Until he moved down my body, his mouth hovering above my breast, as he looked up from beneath those charming eyebrows.

“Yes. Yes, dammit.” I said forcefully.

Max began to draw circles around one of my nipples with his finger - then he gave it a lick, resuming the circles, and blowing on the nipple. Then he moved on to sucking the other nipple, still swirling his finger about the first one, the double sensitivity putting me in the uncomfortable position of wanting his cock inside me, desperately.

When my brows furrowed at him, he said, “Uh-oh. Is this not doing it for you anymore, Sweetness?”

“It’s good. It’s very good. I think I’m ready to move on to the next level, though.”

He raised his eyebrows. Sitting up, he grabbed his erect dick and lightly waved it at me, “Oh, is this what the next level is for you?”

I groaned lightly, biting my lip in anticipation.

“No, no. You know you have to ask for it.”

Max crawled over me again, his face just above mine, holding his dick he swiped it upwards, just barely touching my pussy, but enough for me to start tingling.

“What do you want, Sweetness?”

“Fuck me, Max.” I breathed into his ear.

“Huh? What was that?”

“Fuck me, MAX!” I raised my voice.

“That’s more like it.” 

He pushed into me, the head of his dick opening me up in the most delectable way. Every time I felt his cock inside of me, that perfect wave of motion as I brought my hips up to meet him, there was nothing better than that moment of impact - like waves crashing into each other, feeling his hips rutting directly into mine. We couldn’t be closer together than that moment. But it was never just one moment, it was over, over, over again, our skin roughly meeting as he buried himself inside of me. His penis enmeshed in a slippery friction, as I felt myself starting to climax - I felt him, too. He brought his thumb up to my clit, and started manipulating my orgasm externally, pushing me past sanity.

As my breaths became more shallow, I began to rend the air, my voice exemplifying in earnest that the end was near. I could feel Max, and knew that it was near for him as well, as he pulled me up into his lap, pushing some final hard and fast thrusts through my already convulsing vagina. The sounds he made as he came inside of me were feral, and I relaxed into feeling his dick pulse upwards into me. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, he wasted no time kissing my neck as I laid kisses on his forehead, using my fingernails to brush through his sweaty, slightly bloody hair.

Falling back onto the bed together, I started tracing his eyebrows with my fingertips, while he kept a secure hold on me - loose enough to breath, but tight enough to keep me close.

Taking a bit of time to think, Max watched my face as I pursed my lips and then bit my bottom lip before speaking.

“I’m so grateful to you, Max.”

“Hmmm. I feel like I sense a ‘but’ coming?”

“Not a but. We’ll say and.” I paused briefly before continuing. “I’m so grateful, and, I think that it would be helpful for you to know that I can fight my own battles.”

“I’ll admit, I did get a little carried away,” he reached up to lift my face towards his, letting his thumb rest on my bottom lip, his eyes transfixed by it, until his facial expression changed quickly and exaggeratedly, while saying, “Whoops!” 

I laughed, awkwardly, but my face also passed through several different emotions that I wasn’t quite ready to process. “We’re gonna have to burn these sheets because they’re evidence, aren’t we?”

“Oh, no - not because they’re evidence, just because blood stains are hard to get out, especially in large loads.” Max stated very matter of factly, “I can hypnotize police - well, all humans, but law enforcement is one of the really handy ones.”

“Uhh, I’m not hypnotized, am I?” 

“No. Never. No! Do you really think after all this time, our relationship is only what it is because of hypnotism?” Max looked seriously hurt.

I was a little shocked that he had such a visceral reaction to my question.

“Hypnotism causes long term damage to the hypnotee every time you do it. I would never risk you getting the Brain Scramblies, or even worse the Purple Screaming Henries. No. We’re not doing that.” He rubbed my head and gave me forehead kisses, like what was inside was precious cargo.

Smiling up at him, I responded, “Okay - good.”

“I loved the poem you left for me on my fridge.” He said, changing the subject to lighter fare.

Blushing from his compliment - today felt like it was a week long. I smirked as I remembered that I took Elvis’ bedazzled white jumpsuit hostage only just earlier this evening.

“I’m glad you liked it. I enjoyed perusing your magnet collection.”

Max lifted his chin slightly, thinking for a bit before responding, “Yeaaaah. Yeah. It’s a good one. Thank you.”

That told me everything I needed to know - I was winning.

As he brushed his fingers through my hair, stopping once his hand was firmly entrenched in the locks at the back of my head, he used the tips of his fingers to rub into the base of my scalp, and all along the line of my neck. Firmly locking into the knots of muscle I hadn’t even realized had formed since I’d gotten that text from my ex. Closing my eyes, I turned into a puddle in the warmth of his solid, soothing hand, as he leaned on his side, upright on his other hand. He watched me as I laid facing him, his left foot reaching out to gently play with my right foot.

I let out a contented sigh and he slowed to a stop, giving me a kiss on the forehead.

“As much as I would love to cuddle with you here, like this, for the rest of the night - I’ve made a mess of you, and your sheets. And I can’t stand the idea of you being covered in anything that belonged to your ex. Even if it is his dead remains.”

My eyes popped open. “Ugh, yeah - agreed.” 

I held my arms up, and it became apparent very quickly that Max had transferred some remnants of “the wank sock” aka “Doodle von Taintstain,” to my body, and I involuntarily, yet very elegantly gagged.

Just like I imagined young Helen Mirren might - the epitome of class, of course.

A hearty laugh started rumbling from deep within Max, as he lifted my arms, and peeked beneath the sheets at the rest of my body, defaced with blood stains.

“I’m sorry - I’m so sorry, Sweetness.” he clutched his stomach, as he laughed. “Let’s strip these sheets and we can get rid of them upstairs.” 

Once his laughter trailed off to a chuckle, he started wrapping the top sheet around me like one of those chic “trash the wedding dress” instagram stories. 

“I hope these weren’t sentimental.”

“Generations of coin-operated washing machines have lived to see these sheets, Max. They were sentimental to them.”

“Well, in that case, you were due for some new ones.” he said with a snarky smile and a sarcastic tone.

“I’d like to speak to your manager, I don’t like your tone.”

“Uh, I AM the manager, and my management style is effective! And refreshing!” he confidently pointed out to me.

“We’ll see.” I responded, giving a little bit of side eye, as I stepped off the bed, in my Max-Made Original™ bloody sheet ensemble. 

He pursed his lips, but they still twisted up into that dimpled half-smile, as he pulled the fitted sheet off, tying it around his waist, high and tight - which made me laugh. Then he tossed the pillow cases and his bloody clothes at me to catch. 

“Where are your keys?” 

“On the mirrored hook next to the door –”

“Perfect.”

He playfully crouched as he blithely scampered over next to me, sweeping me off my feet, as I clung to his bloody accouterments - giving a surprised, “Oh my!” as my feet slipped out from beneath me.

Carrying me to the front door, he swiped my keys from the hook, turning the handle of the door with his hand, but swinging it wide open with his foot. He was careful not to let my head hit the door frame as he closed the door behind us. An especially tricky feat, but successfully managed.

Once he’d carried me through the threshold of his apartment, he led me to a door I’d not noticed before at the far end of the living room. Walking me through, Max deposited me on his rooftop terrace. It was huge, with plenty of space for what I’m sure would be some spectacular parties and get-togethers. The view!

The city lights sparkled, and I was shocked that this space existed in this building, but leave it to Max to continually surprise me. In a corner, far from the rest of the sleek patio furniture and plants, there was something that looked like – a kiln? A pizza oven? No. It was too big. Wait, is that - ?

“Max, is that what I think it is?”

“Yep. An incinerator.” He hooked his hand carefully through my elbow, leading me towards the imposing beast. “We’re gonna burn the sheets and clothes here.”

As we approached the incinerator, Max started to tell me about it, “This is a top of the line, blood-soaked-sheets destroying machine.” He turned a lever on the side, and I heard the sound of flames whooshing and then crackling, seeing them on full display as he pulled open the latch door to the mighty vessel. 

Grabbing his blood stained leather shoes from the top of the pile, “Fine Italian leather shoes? Poof.” Taking his suit coat and pants from me, “Tailored, designer-label suits? Ash.” Snatching up the shirt with the missing buttons, and the shirt that I had been wearing, “Perfectly fitted and pressed button-up shirts with matching tie? Heat yo’self.” He tossed them all in, cheerfully smirking.

Then, he pulled on the flat sheet I was wrapped in with his left hand, the force of which sent me into a slight tailspin, seizing me by the waist so that I didn’t fall over. I found myself naked, with my back pressed up against him, his right arm holding me tight. As I looked up at him, he tossed down the sheet he’d just pulled off me, and then yanked his own sheet off. Bending over to pick them up, still holding me and making a ridiculous, strained noise as he tried to reach the sheets he’d just tossed on the ground. 

“Uhhhh! Oops - sorry! I’m so clumsy!” 

While he continued feigning not being able to reach them, his arm a fixed presence at my waist, I also attempted to reach for the sheets, while saying, “I’m so close - I’m SO close - I’m sooooo close!” Until we couldn’t stop laughing at how ridiculous and pervy we were being. 

We finally succumbed to tossing the sheets into the incinerator, closing the door on the coppery, metallic stench, combined with the scent of burning hair and paper.

“What was it Edward called Bella? Monkey?”

I corrected Max, “It was Spider Monkey, and then he swung her on his back –”

“Yeah, yeah. C’mon Spider Monkey.” He grabbed me by the hand, guiding me back into his apartment, straight through to his bathroom. Turning on the water, he tested the temperature, and nodded his head towards the shower, “Get in.”

He held my hand as I stepped in, as though he were helping me into an old-timey carriage. I felt just like Elizabeth Bennet, when Darcy provided his hand for the first time and she was absolutely shocked by the kind gesture. What? Darcy? Me?

I was unable to stifle my giggle, as I passed by him, and saw an amused smile bloom on Max’s face, just out of the corner of my eye. And then he followed me in.

As we stood facing each other, Max put both hands on my shoulders, and walked me backwards until I was directly under the rain showerhead. He grabbed a bottle of body wash, not 3-in-1 “Shampoo Plus Conditioner And it’s Also Dude-Bro Body Wash!” but actual, luxurious, delicious smelling body wash. Lathering it up, he started carefully washing the blood stains from my neck, working his way down my shoulders. I couldn’t help but steady myself on either side - the way he was slowly running his hands down each arm, like there was nothing else in the world he would rather be doing than worshiping my body. 

Holding onto one of my hands, he lifted it up, so that he could place my hand on his chest. Without words, it was all Max needed to do to let me know that he wanted me to brace myself on him. He let his hand drop to my lower back, while the other used the lather to languidly wash the bloody hand prints from my breasts. Gravitating further down my abdomen where, once he was satisfied and I was not quite, he put his hand on my hip, and turned me around cautiously, deliberately - my back facing him.

His soapy hands began their task at the top of my neck, working their way downward, along my spine, around my ribs and up to my breasts again. If he wanted to torture me, he was certainly succeeding. Sliding towards my ass, he squeezed both cheeks, and then kneeled down behind me - his hands sliding down the front of my thighs, slightly inwards as he kept himself stable. Max had me bend my left leg as he leaned into my back, his sudsy hands massaging my thigh and down my calf, erasing all of the dried blood. Placing my hands against the wall in front of me, I secured myself and when I looked down, I could see Max’s erection, low hanging fruit between my legs. He indicated to me to switch legs, and I licked my lips as I took a deep breath in, careful not to accidentally step on his cock.

When he finished traversing his way down and back up my right leg, I took a few moments to breathe before delicately turning around, to see Max still kneeling, his hands hovering around my waist, to make sure that I didn’t fall as I turned. Setting my hands on his shoulders, I leaned over and gave him a kiss, as warm water splashed all around us. As I leaned back upright, I drew my finger underneath his chin, and used it to lift him up from his kneeling position. He obliged, his eyes following me as he began to tower over me once more. 

I shivered briefly, goosebumps rising on my skin suddenly, as I breathed slowly out - looking deeply into his beautiful burnt sugar eyes. The way the light hit them at a certain angle, the umber color lightened in such a way that it made me think of a fawn in the woods.

It was hard for me to know if my brain was making an association with Twilight or Debussy’s Prélude à l'après-midi d'un faune. I’ll choose to believe the latter, but I knew that I needed to break our gaze. Max held his hand out, checking to see if the water was still warm and giving me a quizzically entertained look, since the water was superbly toasty and comforting. I gave him a nonchalant shrug.

Reaching for the body wash, I lathered up my own hands, and started massaging into the dried blood along his jawline. He started purring, like a sexy man-kitten, and I chuckled, pleased with his reaction. Easing my way on a downward journey, following a similar path to the one he took on my body, I was able to admire, appreciate, and show affection to each little muscle that I’ve often watched tense in his neck; for that little ridge along his upper arm of well-defined brachialis muscle; taking time to run my soapy hands up his chest and feel comfort in his strength.

Making my way to his hips, I steadied myself, kneeling down in front of him. Gliding my hands down his muscular thighs, giving each one its deserved individual attention. Balancing each of his feet one at a time on my upper thigh as I massaged each calf. Max gave a quiet moan, fully relaxed - I looked up, his dick was still fully erect. Shower sex isn’t safe. I thought to myself. But what about –?

Max had one arm reaching up, holding on to the glass shower partition, the other arm outstretched and holding onto the latch on the frosted glass window in the shower. My eyes moved up his body, the curve of a soft V pointing downwards between his hips, his delectably strong arms extended. By the holy spirit of Depeche Mode, he looked like my own personal Jesus. Dare I reach out and touch faith? 

I stood up to meet his gaze - he’s certainly already made me a believer, “Tell me when you’re getting close.” 

Taking a deep breath in, his shoulders rising and falling as he slowly released that same breath - like he was James Dean, blowing smoke and trying to seduce me. He then raised an eyebrow, impatiently waiting for me to continue.

As I wordlessly admired his brow, the cut of his jaw, the noble slope of his nose, he leaned his face closer to mine, nuzzling my cheek, while I moved my hands slowly up his abdomen. Tracing my fingers across his pecs, leading them towards his arms, and out - to be on a parallel cross with this Vitruvian man.

But only for a moment, until I began retracing my path back towards his chest, stopping only to turn his face towards mine. So that he might stop his gentle nibbling at my neck, and take a bite from something that might bite him back.

Ravenous lips yielded only to the other’s pair of lips tenaciously supplying fervent, open-mouthed kisses, sparring back and forth, giving and taking, as though points were to be awarded for this one-on-one sport. Max held strong and fast to the shower and window, and I clung to his neck, my right hand traveling slowly down his stomach. Letting my fingers gently trail the underside of his erection, he moaned into my mouth, closing his eyes and placing his forehead against mine. 

“Open your eyes, Max.”

Shoulders rising with a deep breath, he opened his eyes, looking straight into mine. While I still clung to his neck, I put my index finger and thumb together on my right hand, the sudsy water coating my hand. I proceeded to give a few quick up and down movements just over the head of his dick to below the frenulum, and then tenderly pushed all the way down his shaft, coming right back up for some quick movements. Repeating this several more times as his breathing grew a bit more rapid, our eyes locked, he said, “I’m - I’m getting–”

I nodded, taking my hand from around his neck and holding onto his body as I kneeled down in front of him, settling into position with my left hand and arm wrapped around his right leg. The water flowed down on me, splashing onto him, rinsing the soap off the end of his perfect, beautiful dick. Placing my right hand at the sudsy base of his shaft, holding him steady, I gazed up at him as he watched me, his eyes sparkling in anticipation.

All I could think about was how much I wanted to make him feel good, to make him feel cared for, to feel what I felt when I realized what he was willing to do for me. Kissing the tip of his penis, I licked his frenulum, swirling my tongue on that focused spot as my lips grazed his skin - my hand slowly moving up and down from the base of his shaft the middle, loose and giving a slight turn as I went up and down. 

He twitched a little, “Oh, Sweetness.” 

Taking his left hand down from the window handle, he put his large hand up to my face, pushing my hair back, and tangling his fingers in the strands. Putting the entire head of his penis into my mouth, I started working him in and out. At no point did he use his hand in my hair to direct me to go faster, his fingers just massaged and trembled as he got closer. My heart, my face, kept getting warmer - my passion for him was overwhelming with his every guttural utterance as he raced towards climax.

“I’m going- I’m gonna- where?” Max asked, sounding a little concerned, his words coming out in jagged breaths.

Making eye contact with him, I let my mouth turn up at the corners, not breaking my stride. Immediately he understood, giving me his crooked, dimpled half smile, and pulling my hair a little. I felt the jerk of his dick as it began ejaculating, and felt him cumming into the back of my throat. Slowing down, I began to drink him in, still - that familiar taste, rum raisin ice cream or pineapple upside down cake, with a slight saltiness. 

“Mmmmm!” Why was it soooo good? Oh. Shit. I’m such a weirdo - I just essentially Pillsbury Doughboy’d over his cum, out loud. My eyes went wide.

Max looked at me with a sweet, if not slightly smug smile, reaching his left hand down to me, so that I had something to hold on as I stood up.

“Did you enjoy my cum, Sweetness?”

Embarrassed and blushing slightly, but not about to deny my sexuality, “You know what? I did. I’ll do it again. And again. And again,” giving him a lot of sass.    

He laughed, a little surprised by my candid statement, kissing me on the cheek and the forehead, “And I will never withhold that from you. Ever. That’s my promise to you.”

“Good. Because that–” I thought back to my ex, who had been withholding in so many ways, “would suck.”

“It sucks? Like this?” Max pretended to start biting my neck, making gnashing noises and tickling my neck with his tongue and his teeth.

I giggled, “Max! No! Not safe - shower!” And then I noticed that he still had some blood on the back of his shoulder and realized that in the steamy heat of my desire, I’d completely ignored his backside.

“Dude. How did you let me skip washing your back?”

He bobbed his shoulders back and forth playfully, “Uh, I don’t know, most of my blood wasn’t really in the head on my shoulders at the time.”

I groaned, “Oh, that old gem. I hope that’s not your go-to excuse.”

Max pursed his lips, raised his eyebrows, and looked extremely suspicious as he glanced from side to side.

“It’s not, not my go-to excuse - with you. Only you. Of course.” A huge, open-mouthed smile spread across his face and froze there.

“Okay, well that’s a creepy face you’re giving me, and I’m gonna ask you to turn around.” Max’s face dropped into a sad frown, until I finished explaining, “Because I need to wash the blood off your back.”

Obliging, he turned around, and I scrubbed down his broad shoulders, the ridges of his spine, the curves of his hips, and his strong gluteus maximus, just because I could.

“I think you’re having too much fun back there.” Max jovially complained.

Giving him a little pinch on his backside, “Yep! Squeaky clean! I think we’re good to go.”

Turning his head around to look at me when I pinched him, Max gave me a naughty, “O!” face, as I laughed at him. With him. A little of both.

Walking into the bedroom wrapped in bath towels, our wet hair dripping, Max opened his closet. Hanging on the inside of the door was my red floral robe, which he pulled off the hanger and handed to me.

“I didn’t wash this.” Just as I was about to take it from him, he pulled it back to his face, looking me directly in the eyes, and gave it a quick sniff.

I reached out and grabbed it from him. “You know it’s a little creepy when you do that.” 

“It’s not creepy.” He frowned. “You smell good. It’s like hanging a sachet of lavender in my closet, except it’s you.”

“Is that supposed to sound less creepy?” I laughed, as he held my right arm out and began putting the robe on me, walking behind, lifting up my left arm to put it through the other sleeve. 

The smell of the robe as he put it on was a little bit of me, but it had taken on his scent as well. While Max stood behind me, he leaned down over my left shoulder into the crook of my neck, taking a deep breath. OH. Okay. That was not creepy. That was hot, I thought, my skin prickling, knowing that he was so close to touching me - yet refrained. 

He reached over my right shoulder and with his right hand loosened the towel, which dropped to the floor. Letting his right hand sprawl at the top of my right shoulder, it sensually navigated down my chest, between my breasts. Slowly, it traveled back up, where he delicately palmed my neck, using his thumb to rub up and down along the nape. All this time, I could feel the heat from his breath as he continued breathing me in over my left shoulder.

Trailing his fingers along my back, and down my left arm, he walked back around in front of me, and placed his right hand, palm splayed, on my lower abdomen. 

He started pushing me backwards gently, and I started taking a few steps back, “You know, you need to be careful - watch where you’re going, Sweetness.”

“Huh?” Confused, right up until the back of my legs hit his bed and I fell backwards onto it. 

Standing over me, still in his towel, he nudged my legs open with his knees, giving me a very serious, concerned look. 

Shaking his head, “What am I going to do with you? Now I’m going to have to make sure that you haven’t accidentally hurt yourself in that horrific fall.”

“What?!” I laughed at him, pulling myself up so that I was leaning back on my elbows.

“Don’t laugh. This is serious.” He placed his hands on either side of my abdomen, just above my hips and started massaging. “Can you feel this?”

I smiled back at him, amused by his game, “Yes, that feels good, actually.”

“Hmm. Okay. I’ll continue.”

Removing his hands, he bent down on his knees, placing his left hand on my right thigh. Max put his right hand just above my pubic bone, and started pressing, rubbing into me much more aggressively, but still in slow concentric traveling circles. Theoretically, not close to my clitoris, he still managed to activate my “please fuck me” button, and I fell backwards off my elbows.

Licking his lips, he adjusted his jaw before saying, “Oh, that’s concerning. Looks like we have more work to do here.”

Taking his thumb, he started rubbing circles over my clit. “Tell me, can you feel me now?”

Attempting to glare down my body at him, I spoke through rapidly increasing breaths, “It seems to be in working order, Dr. Phillips.”

His eyebrow raised - he liked being called that, and gave me an especially vigorous turn into my clitoris with his thumb, before slowly drawing it down into my cunt. He pulled his thumb out and pretended to read it like a thermometer.

“Uh-oh.” He frowned, cartoonishly. “I’m afraid that if this gets any hotter, we’re going to have to hospitalize it.”

I reached up and grabbed one of his pillows, throwing it at him while doing the Xena Warrior Princess war cry.

Unfortunately, two things happened - he successfully dodged it, and in my state I also failed to throw it in a straight line, so dodging it wasn’t much of a challenge.

“Oh, so you’re one of those patients. Do I need to get the restraints?” He gave me a very pointed look, and I shook my head - I needed to know that if I wanted to, I could throw another pillow. 

“So you’re going to behave?”

I glared at him. The look on his face was a little afraid.

“I’m gonna take that as a maybe.” He chuckled, entertained by my sexual frustration. “I believe the next step at this point is to take some samples.”

Where is he going with this? He better not pull out a speculum, I swear to god. Resentfully, I stared at the ceiling.

And then, I felt his tongue lick into my vagina, his nose nudging my clit, and I was awake - my body crackling as my hands started to clutch the sheets. Gradually making his way upwards, his tongue spelling out his own name on my clitoris, as he added his middle finger to the mix. Using his finger to reach inside and stimulate my g spot, providing dual stimulation, the only thing missing was –

I peeled my eyes from the ceiling, my eyes meeting with his crinkling, smiling brown eyes. My nipples rubbed against the fabric of the robe as my body involuntarily started moving in sync to Max’s mouth. His cheeks were always very smooth from shaving fairly regularly, but the sensitive skin on my thighs could feel the stubble starting to come in and I loved the multiple sensations.

My moans were soft at first, and Max leaned in, going a bit faster - I gasped, and he curled his finger confidently, moaning into me as I sighed. Eyes still locked, he was focused on my pleasure, increasing his intensity until my body started to shake, my legs tensed around him, and I cried out in relief. He held his finger inside of me while my vagina finished pulsing around him.

Pulling his finger out, he licked it like it was an ice cream cone, the entire time letting out an exaggerated moan, “Mmmmmmmm! I know they say it’s not healthy to eat out every night, but I have to respectfully disagree.” 

Feeling quite a bit flushed, I managed a half-hearted chuckle.

“Oh, c’mon. I’m hilarious.” Max was clearly disappointed that I didn’t give him more props. “I know! You need to be replenished.”

He stood up and took his towel off, grabbing some silk boxers and a t-shirt from a drawer to put on.

“Do you wanna have a drink on the terrace? The weather’s perfect for it.”

I perked up - that did sound really nice. “Sure! What are we drinking?”

“Well, I’ve got some decent whiskey–” he said, pulling me up from the bed and leading me over to his bar area.

Sitting on a bar stool as he walked behind the bar, he held his hand up behind him, mock reaching for different bottles, checking my reaction as he went to grab each one - waiting for my approval. 

“Max - Max! Just pour the Laphroaig.” Laughing at the goofy faces he made, like he was Vanna White, presenting me with a brand new RV.

And of course, he only poured a little, teeny-tiny bit in the Glencairn at a time, until I told him, “Two fingers, neat, barkeep.” 

He straightened up his posture, tucking one arm behind his back as he poured, “But of course, madam.”

Oh. I like these roleplaying games, I thought to myself, raising my eyebrow at him, giving him a good sweep over with my eyes.

“Madam! I am not on the menu!” Max chided, clicking his tongue as I pouted, smoking an imaginary cigarette, like some dame from a black and white movie.   

He poured himself his own Glencairn of Laphroaig neat, and then came around the bar. Offering me his arm, which I graciously took, and he led me out onto the terrace.

We took a seat on the rattan couches with plush white cushions next to the fireplace. Despite plenty of room to spread out, Max scooted very close to me - making eye contact the entire time, daring me to say something.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you have enough room?” I very dryly asked him.

“Getting there.” Max responded, a grin on his face.

His gaze dropped down to his drink and he took a sip, rolling it around in his mouth as he continued to stare downwards - swallowing down the smoky whiskey, he finally spoke.

With a measured voice, he took some time to consider how he wanted to say, exactly what he wanted to say.

“I’m really sorry that I - that I killed your ex.” 

I looked over at him, and I could tell that he had more that he wanted to express, but was struggling with it.

“I don’t want to excuse why I did it. You are an autonomous person and I’m concerned I fucked you up and fucked us up by killing him in front of you - I mean, by killing him, period. But especially because you had to see that.”

Taking my own sip of whiskey, I took a hold of his hand, allowing the pungent libation to hit all of my tastebuds, wafting up from the glass and hitting me with its almost gasoline-like scent.

“I think–” I started, “that I still have quite a bit of thinking to do.” 

He nodded, sweetly caressing my fingers with his. 

“I’m not sure that the full weight of the situation has hit me. In general, I’d love to be consulted before you make lasting and permanent decisions for me.” 

Max groaned under his breath and hung his head in shame.

Should I find it concerning that I feel more compassion for this vampire, looking deflated after I’ve scolded him, than the man he killed? I wondered to myself. I would feel more compassion for other people killed by vampires, right? Right? I was going to have to dwell on this later.

“Oh, Max. Why don’t you tell me what exactly led to you taking such drastic action - because, we did talk about you not coming with me for exactly this type of reason.”

Keep Reading... Chapter 5: The Killing Moon

Part 2/2: Max, You've Got Some Explaining to Do

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[carusolikey]

I'm sorry you can't do El Tango de Roxanne and have it not be in my head forever

[wannab-urs]

Pedro Pascal Character Fic Recs | Vol 37

AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist

Howdy folks!

Welcome to my bi-weekly fic rec list! This is everything I read in the last two weeks. It's... a lot. I did March Fic Madness and also just was generally in a reading mood so there's like 40 fics here. They're in alphabetical order by boy.

All info provided by the author unless it was blank, in which case I filled it in.

Constellations in his eyes

Dave York one shot by @janaispunk

Your fiancé stands you up on your birthday. Dave doesn’t.

infidelity, shitty boyfriend, angst, fluff, kissing, able-bodied reader, reader has hair, no use of y/n

What Love Means

Dave York one shot by @ravensmadreads

Dave has a panic attack and you help him through it

So David is probably ooc (but this version of him is my comfort character sorry), description of a panic attack, mentions of canon violence, and like the barest hint at smut.

The Mess of Us

Dave York one shot by @ravensmadreads

I gave david york my heart and then proceeded to bash it with a sledgehammer - forgive me :p this is the same universe as What Love Means

vague smut, lots of angst (i mean i tried), almost entirely canon compliant, vague-ish attempt at smut, mild cursing, insane use of italics.

The One

Dieter one shot by @schnarfer

If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

Bit of emotional torment, drink and drugs references, Dieter POV, happy ending? Always Fleabag coded.

Purple Haze

Dieter one shot by @schnarfer

that boy put a spell on you

1960’s London Dieter Bravo AU, heavy on the British slang, explicit alcohol and drug references, reader is a model but no physical descriptions, outfit descriptions, swearing, sort of enemies to lovers if you squint, smut; protected PIV, light bondage, reader is in control and Dieter is a subby puddle, pet names (angel, doll, darling), light dirty talk, playful slaps. Just a note we’re always very Fleabag coded here.

House Arrest

Dieter one shot by @rulexofxnines

Dieter stays over at your place out of desperation. Things get out of hand so you take control of the situation.

forced proximity, only one bed, a goat

The Howler Monkey

Dieter one shot by @covetyou

You got him here, he was safely tucked away upstairs and everything was going, mostly, according to plan. So, who the fuck is screaming?

no smut but some nudity, implied drug use/addiction, little bit silly, mildly angsty, performance anxiety, screaming, Dieter Bravo's soft cock. basically mild hurt/comfort/fluff with my usual bit of silliness.

Vampire!Dieter

Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

Interview with a vampire, gatsby style

flirting, a bit of blood, maybe dubcon due to The Thrall but i think it's safe to say we all want It from vampire!dieter, unbeta-ed because i needed to write something or someone was going to die

Brick House

Dieter one shot by @nerdieforpedro

Dieter buys a house for you and the baby

mention of past drug use, fertility issues, mention of sperm donation and clinics, false pretenses, Dieter might be a bit obsessed or a lot

Stay sexy and don't get murdered

Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

Trapped behind a secret wall to hide from a murderer, the close proximity forces you and Dieter to confront feelings you rather bury underneath your case to prove your favorite neighbor didn’t commit suicide.

brief moments of tv-appropiate terror, arguing, mentions of suicide, mentions of death/murder, but more importantly: smut (like half of this is smut), oral (f!receiving), dieter’s bare ass nearly catching on fire, too many feelings for something that started as a crack fic idea

Fare Well

Dieter one shot by @nerdieforpedro

Dieter has been working so hard. He still has an issue that might be because of his mind. What can he do about it? Do anything else.

unhealthy coping, sexual dysfunction, sex work, teasing, pet names, sexual activity (actual and implied I think? I should know. 🙃)

A poor plan to confess

Dieter one shot by @nerdieforpedro

Dieter is doing his best to stay sober. You have a large part in his plans. They aren’t well thought out.

Dieter being a bit rude, porn use, mention of masturbation, teasing, improper toy use?, very bad communication, some mentions of sexual activities and acts, Nerdie is unsure of what she wrote

Conversation Pit

Dieter one shot @thosewickedlovelies

You’re viewing a mansion with Dieter, and it has a conversation pit. Does he have the discipline to keep his hands to himself?

friends with benefits, SMUT: Dieter’s favorite dom appears 👀 could it be someone we know?; mmf threesome, piv sex, semipublic sex but don’t worry, edging (m receiving), references to sex work

Lush

Din one shot by @the-scandalorian

Mando makes regular visits to the healing baths.

touch-starved Din; reader is blindfolded; smut

Immortal By Design

Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

Din Djarin picks up a mysterious job at the Bounty Hunter’s Guild from a high paying client that specifically requested him. Once he tracks down the bounty, he discovers two things— you tracking the bounty for different reasons entirely and a lot more than he bargained for.

reader is able-bodied, canon divergent (long live the Razor Crest), no Grogu in this universe, possession, cursed object, dark!Din, monsterfucking (I think), Din has heightened capabilities, dub con/noncon, restraints, reader gets captured, oral sex (M and F receiving), rough oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, mir’sheb = smart ass, character death, no use of y/n

Enchanted to Meet You

Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

You’re a senator for the New Republic and tonight you’re forced to attend the New Republic Gala. Senator Xiono won’t leave you alone but that in turn leads you to meet Mando, a security guard at the event. And that leaves you wonderstruck.

Reader is able-bodied, canon divergent, reader has consumed alcohol, creepy guy at the gala, fingering, semi public sex, vaginal sex, pull out method, pet names (cyar’ika, mesh’la), no use of y/n

I don't mind bleeding

Din one shot by @quicksilvermad

You and the Mandalorian have a mutually beneficial relationship—he pays your rent and you feed him when he needs fresh blood.

vampire!Din, blood, PIV sex, biting, sex work, second person POV, AFAB Reader, one instance of "good girl", aftercare

Bound

Din one shot by @frannyzooey

It’s your thighs he’s bound this time — not your hands for a change.

smut, bondage, AU

Hello to the Green

Ezra one shot by @the-blind-assassin-12

Down a ship, a crew, and a working air filter, and suffering from a rapidly worsening infection, Ezra makes one last ditch effort to get home. And he hopes it’s enough.

language, angst, injury and illness, death

Paint With Me

Frankie one shot by @bitchesuntitled

You have a crush on the dad of your daughter’s best friend.

Sexual innuendos and cursing

Right on Cue

Frankie one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

The quiet bartender lends you a hand after you've closed up for the night.

reader is able-bodied but otherwise undescribed. Oral sex f receiving, protected PIV, that's pretty much it. this is just PWP

Door Number Three

Javi G drabble by @morallyinept

Javi shows you what he keeps behind that mirrored door

Character talk alludes to sexy things.

Dámelo

Javi P one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

You want more. Javi wants to give it to you. You just have to give him something first.

mutual masturbation, vaginal fingering, aftercare. reader is able-bodied but otherwise undescribed.

Dress Up Joel

Joel series @covetyou

when a mysterious stranger breaks into your house, and keeps breaking into your house, he gives you the fright, and the ride, of your life. Welcome to your seasonal encounters with one Mr. Joel Miller.

sex toys, dress up, festive/seasonal shenanigans, no use of Y/N, see individual fics for additional warnings

He Knows

Joel/Tommy one shot by @psychedelic-ink

Joel knows you have a little thing for his younger brother so decides to indulge you for your birthday.

gonna state this very clearly: joel gets cucked by tommy and watches, everyone is consenting and it's discussed beforehand, piv, dirty talk, possessive!joel, daddy kink, size kink, established relationship between joel and reader, jealousy, some brotherly rivalry, facial, mild degradation kink, creampie

Does Your Mother Know

Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Joel finds a pretty young thing on the beach to spend some time with on his vacation.

reader is able-bodied, reader wears a bikini & a dress, no outbreak AU, ambiguous beach location, both reader and Joel consume alcohol, age gap (20 years), oral sex (F and M receiving), semi public sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, reader is on birth control, pet names (sweetheart, baby), no use of y/n

Tear You Apart

Joel one shot by @mermaidgirl30

Joel comes for you late at night. He always does. Always stalks, chases, and prowls after you like a starving wolf. And when he catches you, he devours you, feeds on you like the animal he is. Will you run and hide or will you give into the temptation that calls you in the forest?

Dark themes, Little red riding hood references, dark! Joel, Joel is a menace, oral, fingering, choking, unprotected P in V, cream pie, filthy smut, degrading actions, not really violent but lots of dark themes, manipulation, rough sex, dirty talk, Joel calls reader little lamb, possessive Joel, feral! Joel, post outbreak! Joel, controlling Joel, dom! Joel, submissive reader, Joel x fem! reader, Joel is in his late 40’s and reader is in her late 20’s

inhale, exhale

Joel one shot by @sp00kymulderr

This world is not made for intimacy and both of you know it.

Fingering, mentions of sex, smoking (both reader and Joel), canon typical violence mentions, needy!Joel, fear of intimacy. Barely edited as usual.

One Day at a Time

Joel series by @sixhours

Joel becomes a dad. Again

soft!Joel, no really super soft!Joel, Joel is bad at feelings and relationships, Joel is a sap, mostly follows canon, SMUT, gratuitous smut, dubious consent (drunk sex), unplanned pregnancy, fluff, references to past miscarriages, angst, hurt/comfort, romance, age gap (~21 years), childbirth, fluffy baby stuff

mine

Joel one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

You encounter a frightening beast in the forest after getting separated from your group. Instead of killing you, he spares your life - the first of many surprises from this mysterious creature.

it's Joel Miller as a humanoid monster beast creature with a massive cock idk what you want me to say, creative liberties with anatomy and bodily fluids, they're soulmates because I wrote this so of course they are, monster!Joel can talk a little but it wouldn't kill him to watch a few episodes of Reading Rainbow or do some alphabet flash cards tbh, one curious use of an aquifer as a metaphor

Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To

Joel one shot by @freelancearsonist

Joel finds a familiar face while out on a smuggling run.

Rated PG for pure angst, one single kiss, and references to Joel's self-inflicted gun wound/self harm

Ahórcame, Papí

Joel/Frankie/Ezra one shot by @marisferasiop

After he gives a recovering addict a job (and subsequently falls head over heels for him), Joel and Frankie have a sweet, fulfilling relationship as Daddy and little exploring their kinks. Then, they meet Ezra at a leather club, another damaged vet with his own issues and kinks. They take him home, and he never really leaves.

Daddy Kink, Daddy/littles, pup kink, Breathplay (hands on throats), Orgasm Denial, Orgasm Delay, Orgasm Control "Training", Light BDSM, Aftercare, Soft Dom Joel, vers Ezra, Bottom Frankie Morales, Oral Sex, Cockwarming, AnalSex, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Breeding Kink, Heat/rut kink, PTSD mention (vets), gags, fingering, choking, cum eating, prostate milking, fucking machine mention, the elusive "sissygasm"

On the Verge of a Usual Mistake

Lucien/Dieter two shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

You've been avoiding your exes Dieter Bravo and Lucien Flores all night at this event, but you're forced to come to terms with how things ended in both relationships when they seek to right their wrongs.

this is truly just porn with minimal plot (I'm so proud of myself lol), Dieter and Lucien are messy exes, threesome activities, Twister but with genitalia, Daddy and Papi kinks

In shades of gray and candlelight

Marcus P one shot by @freelancearsonist

Nothing good starts in a getaway car, but you sure do have fun delaying the inevitable.

artist!reader my beloved (reader is able-bodied, basic female anatomy and feminine pronouns used, reader is described as having hair that is long enough to be put up but otherwise she’s a blank slate), unprotected p in v sex, cum swallowing, creampie, semi-public sex acts, oral (r + m receiving), handjobs, fingering, very light switchy dom/sub dynamics, a couple spanks, pet names (sweetheart, pretty girl, baby, honey), heavy praise kink, light size kink, consent king!marcus, just like the song it does not end happily

headshots

Marcus P series by @secretelephanttattoo

You're a photographer and you get a job working for the FBI, taking corporate headshots. On your first day, you run into a handsome Special Agent. The series follows their relationship.

Fluff. Smut. PIV. Romance. Flirting. So much kissing. Non-stop nuzzling. Tiny bit of angst. Marcus in his plaid shirts. Marcus on a motorbike. Skiing. A cameo. Sex talker Marcus.

The Infinity Cube

Marcus P/Various series by @littlemisspascal

When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe?

language, fluff, angst

12:32 PM

Marcus M one shot by @dancingtotuyo

Marcus likes to think he's moved on with life.

Grief, loss of a spouse (Wife), fluff

Given a name

Oberyn/Ellaria one shot by @missredherring

"This would be your greatest indulgence?" He asks, the edges of his beautiful mouth curling into a pleased grin. / How like a man to inflate his importance. It’s a pity that he isn’t wrong. / This will be my greatest selfishness.

Angst. Mentions of canon character deaths. Allusions to Greek mythology cos I'm a nerd. Reader chooses a name for herself.

Innocence need not tremble

Pero one shot by @brandyllyn

"I told you I don’t know how to fuck a maiden."

smut. PiV. starts rough. but gets better.

Cherry Wine

Whiskey one shot by @julesonrecord

Your marriage to your high school sweetheart has been hell for a long time, but when Jack discovers your awful secret, it all comes pouring out like a wine stain on the carpet. What do you find in the dregs?

MDNI; DDDNE; hurt people hurting people, domestic violence (verbal, physical, off stage neglect), there's a mention of human urine omg I'm truly horrified that survived the editing process, off stage drug use as a coping mechanism, alcoholism, infidelity, grief due to miscarriage/child loss, oblique suicidal ideations ("you should have killed me"); explicit smut; dirty talk; piv; fingering; possessive!Jack; emotional resolution?

[koisori]

Tag Game: Current

thank you so much to @narachilde for the tag!!!

• Current Time: 05:24 pm

• Current Activity: farming some materials and relics in hsr, i'm trying to farm for qingque but i keep getting the wrong artifact set >:(

• Currently Thinking About: how expensive uni is...

• Current Favorite Song: not joking right now, replay by shinee has reinfected every part of my brain so i can't stop noona neomu yeppeo-ing

• Currently Reading: i don't really read tbh lol but my fav webtoon did update today (read trapped for sexy vampires with sexy powers)

• Currently Watching: NARCOS FOR PEDRO PASCAL!@!!!!_i@)(e!e!e# (and jjk s2)

• Current Favorite Character: mr yang my beautiful old man (i don't have him </3) from honkai/star rail

• Current WIPs: i'm trying to get back into drawing but it's been so long that i get tired after an hour but i still really wanna get back into it so i've been doing light sketches so far

tagging @phycorb, @ohshitsomeonejust and anyone else who wants to do this!!

[jokersfangirl84]

Hello my lovelies! So...I fell down a Tumblr rabbit hole. Discovered a movie I had never seen or heard of before called Bloodsucking Bastards. Watched it. LOVED IT. And now I *may* or *may not* have developed an obsession for Pedro Pascal. Just because I made gifs of the hottest scene in the movie doesn't mean I have a thing for him. Nope. I am definitely NOT Fangirling over him now. 😜😜😜. How did I not know this existed?! How did I not know Pedro played a vampire? Looking sexy as hell in a three piece suit?! Why is this happening?! WHY SO MANY FEELS??!! 😂😂😂. Anyway...I just want to boast about how proud I am of these gifs. I've always had difficulty figuring out how to make them. I'm sorry I know they're not the best quality. I'm just happy that I was able to put them in chronological order! I literally shrieked when it worked for me 😂. Hope y'all enjoy! Please feel free to use these gifs if you'd like! This movie is awesome!

[agent-whiskeys-sweetheart]

You're So Warm (v)

Pairing: Max Phillips x Reader

Summary: After Y/N and Max make amends, he shows her exactly what a vampire can do.

Warnings: Language, SMUT, oral (m and f receiving), choking, roughness, Max using his vampire strength for the greater good, a mention of murder kind of?

pt i pt ii pt iii pt iv pt v

The hallway thrummed with the electricity that their bodies generated. Their panting harmonized with the jingle of Max's keys as he tried to blindly open his door. He had Y/N backed against the wall, their lips pressed together as their tongues explored each other. When he had finally unlocked the door he shoved her back into his dark apartment, not bothering to turn on the lights as his hands grasped for any piece of skin he could find. An open window let in just enough light from a street lamp that they could see each other and she noted that his pupils were blown, almost completely black as he looked at her hungrily. In moments she was back up against the wall, hands pulling at Max's hair as he took her breath away with every kiss. He pulled her bottom lip between his teeth before letting go, drawing a whimper from her at the lack of contact. They stood with their foreheads pressed together as they panted. His hands gripped her waist firmly. She could tell by his hold on her that she would have bruises in the morning but right now, she was only thinking about how good it felt for him to be so rough with her.

"You want me to show you what it's like to get fucked by a vampire?" The warm vibrations of his voice spread through her body like a wildfire. She nodded breathlessly and he brought her lips fiercely back to his. The small lace panties she had worn were already soaked through with her arousal. His lips began slowly trailing downwards until they were pressed firmly against her neck. When he had done this before, it had driven her absolutely crazy. Now, a looming sense of fear crept up her throat as his tongue flicked out to lick her flesh. Her pulse jumped sharply beneath his lips, causing him to smile wickedly as he continued to kiss her.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Does this scare you?" A chill coursed through her body. "Doesn't this excite you?" As he spoke she felt something sharp press against the vulnerable skin of her neck. "I could sink my teeth into your pretty little skin quicker than you can blink. I could turn you, restrain myself long enough to make you like me. Or if I really wanted to, I could drain every drop of blood out of this gorgeous body. Doesn't that turn you on? Can't you feel the excitement building as you really ponder how dangerous I truly am." The sick thing was that it did excite her. His words melted through her, causing her clit to throb. He moved his head up and down, causing his teeth to scrape against her skin. The mix of pleasure and fear made her knees buckle, Max grabbing hold of her waist to steady her.

"I'm going to show you what I can really do, sweetheart. Is that something you want?" All she can do is mumble a small yes, looking deeply into his eyes. "Look at you. You're already a mess." His words pounded in her head as she cleared her mind, ready to accept any pleasure he would give her.

Max brought their lips back together, as he explored the rest of her now. His large hands cupped her breasts through her shirt. A small whine escaped her as he pinched her nipples hard. Ready for more, he helped her take off her shirt and bra. He clamped his mouth down around her nipple, sucking it lightly through his teeth. She snaked her fingers into his hair, giving a small tug as he put more pressure on her nipple with his teeth.

Max stopped to begin helping Y/N out of her jeans. She stepped out of them, watching him kneel down in front of her. Their eyes met as he glanced up at her, his face agonizingly close to where she needed him most. He pressed his face to the front of her panties, inhaling the scent of her arousal. "Fuck, I can smell how wet you are. Do you want my mouth on this little pussy?" She gives a small nod, a moan trapped in her throat. As she does, pain shoots through her thigh as Max brings his hand down to smack her. She yelps loudly, startled by the sudden act of aggression. "I asked you a question."

"Yes, Max." He brings his hand up, threatening to smack her thigh again.

"Yes, Max ... ?" She grasps what he is trying to get her to say, swallowing thickly.

"Yes, Max. I want your mouth on my pussy." A groan vibrates in his chest and she watches as his eyes glaze over with animalistic need.

"Good girl." He suddenly buries his face in her panties, mouthing her clit through the fabric. Hands wrapped around the front of her thighs, Max works her over with his mouth like magic, bringing her close without even fully undressing her. As he hears her panting grow unsteady, he stops and looks up at her.

Before she can protest, he snags the front of her panties between his teeth, pulling back slightly. If she had blinked, she would have missed the sight of him throwing his head back and successfully shredding her panties apart. She gazed at him in awe, the remains of her lingerie in his teeth. He spit them out, returning his face to where she wanted it.

As she waited for him to put his mouth back on her, she felt him pull both of her legs up over his shoulders. She let out a yelp as he hoisted her up by her thighs, suspending her in the air with his face buried in her cunt. He devoured her greedily, tongue covering every inch of her. Both of her hands flew into his hair, trying to find some support as he ate her out like his life depended on it. From the angle she was in and Max's unrelenting tongue, it didn't take her long at all to cum. She began to convulse above him, afraid that he might drop her. However, he just gripped her thighs tighter, working her through her orgasm. As the shivering aftershocks rocked through her, Max lowered her back down so that she was standing in front of him. She watched through half lidded eyes as he licked his lips, cleaning her arousal off his face. She pulled him into a feverish kiss, wanting to see what she tasted like on him.

Max hugged her tightly, lifting her up so that he could carry her into his bedroom. She was wary as he maneuvered through the dark living room towards the bed. However, they arrived with no incidents, Max stopping to turn on his bedside lamp. He helped her to stand up beside the bed before sitting down on the edge. Turning to face him as he reclined on the bed, she moved to get up next to him. Before she could he put a hand on her hip and pushed her back slightly. "No, no, sweetheart. I want you right here." He pointed between his legs, which were spread wide enough for her to fit. She promptly knelt down where he wanted her, sitting back on her heels. "Do you want to do something for me, Y/N?" She was about to nod eagerly, but she remembered her lesson from earlier and spoke up.

"Yes, Max." This made him smile widely, gripping her jaw in his hand.

"Good. Undress me." She worked diligently to help him out of his shirt, his pants and boxers following quickly after. As his clothing disappeared one by one, she was finally able to see him fully exposed for her. His length sprung up into her face, causing her eyes to widen. Max let out a laugh as he watched her take him in her hands. "That's the great thing about being a vampire. Everything is bigger and better." She met his gaze chuckling as he brushed hair out of her face. "Go on. Give it a taste." It took no time at all for her to begin working his hardness with her tongue. She kissed the tip, gripping the base of his cock tightly. He groaned as she licked a long stripe from the hilt all the way to the head. Taking a fistful of her hair in his hands, he helped her get his length into her mouth. "Oh fuck me. That feels so good." He breathed, making small thrusts as she sucked his cock. "God, your mouth is so fucking warm. You're driving me crazy, Y/N." She smiled around him as she listened to what she was doing to him. "Get off, get off, get off." He demanded, pulling her mouth off of him as he sat back in the bed. She scrunched her brow.

"Did I do something wrong?" He laughed.

"No. You did it right. Too right. If I let you keep doing that I'm going to cum without getting to fuck that tight little pussy." This was all the justification Y/N needed as she climbed up into bed next to him. He propped himself up on his elbow to flip her over so that she was underneath him. She watched him get out of the bed to stand right at the edge, gripping her hips to pull her closer. The sight before him took Max's breath away. To think this was the shy little human he had hired just a few months ago. Now, she was spread for him, a small smile in her face as she waited for him to fuck her.

He lined up with her entrance, his hand over her stomach. Y/N couldn't help but close her eyes as she waited. He had never been like this with her before. She didn't know if it was the most basic instincts inside him or if she had brought something feral out in him. Was this what it meant to be with a vampire? Getting fucked by a predator, an animal that sees you as something to devour? It was primal and real and she never wanted anyone else. He was taking over her whole being with his smell, his voice, his hands, his tongue, and now she wanted him to take over with his cock. All it took was one small push of his hips and he was inside her. Eyes still shut tightly, she winced as he began to stretch her open. It took everything in Max not to plow right into her without a moment's hesitation. The instant he had slipped the head of his cock inside her, the warmth had swallowed him whole. It was breaking him apart and rebuilding him all at once. It was the most exquisite burn he had ever felt. He would have given everything, anything, to stay inside her like this forever. After a moment of stillness, she gripped his wrist.

"Max, you said you were going to show me what a vampire can do. So do it. Fuck me like you want to. I can see you hesitating." Her words erupted through him as he pushed in another inch. She was focused solely on him, her mind empty of anything but this. He raised a brow as he questioned her.

"Are you sure? I don't know how well I'll be able to control it if I let go." She nodded.

"I'm sure." That was all it took. He bottomed out immediately, growling as her cunt swallowed him greedily. This made her scream as his thickness pushed her to her limits. He pulled back out and pushed in again, filling her up. As he began to thrust harder now, she gripped the bedsheets like a vice, trying to anchor herself on something solid as she lost herself inside of him. He was fast and unrelenting, allowing himself to take over her. "Fuck you feel so good. You're so tight around my cock." Her panted whimpers became screams of exhilaration as he shifted to hit the perfect spot inside her.

As Max pumped in and out of her, he wrapped his hand tight around her throat. In the suddenness of the motion, Y/N began to panic. When he saw the frantic wideness of her eyes, he leaned down to pull their lips together. As he ran his tongue along her bottom lip, his grip relaxed and so did she. Once she was used to the restriction she was able to enjoy it, letting out a raspy moan. He watched her expression change from panic to pleasure as he squeezed her, keeping up his brutal pace. They both began to feel a familiar warmth coiling up in their stomachs. "Play with your clit while I squeeze your throat. Cum with me." She did as instructed, circling her mound intensely as his thrusts became sloppier. All it took was one more good, hard squeeze to her throat for her to come undone. She began spasming wildly, arching into the pleasure. As she did so, she clenched tightly around him which sent him over the edge as well. He pulled out, just barely quick enough, thick ropes of his cum shooting onto her stomach. They both squirmed and panted and screamed and shook as they came down from their highs.

Once they knew they were finished, Max headed to the bathroom. Coming back with a washcloth, he cleaned her up and threw the towel into a laundry basket. Y/N was completely immobile, laying on the edge of the bed. Max took her arms and pulled her back so she could be tucked under the blankets. He joined her quickly, pulling her close to his chest. The feeling of her heaving chest against his own made his stomach flutter. Stilling his breathing, he tried to feel her heartbeat against him. Sure enough, the quick thumping sounded against him, lulling him into a sense of security. There were a million things he wanted to say to her in that moment, but he decided he'd rather let her sleep. He knew there would be time for that later. In his exhaustion, he decided to sleep, letting her warmth coax him into a slumber that was filled with thoughts of her.

Tags: @readsalot73 @pedrosdoll @ohpedromypedro @sheerfreesia007 @talesfromtheguild @zeldasayer @roxypeanut @madadlorian @lannister-slings-and-arrows

[free-for-all-fics]

When Pedro Pascal said, “Can somebody step in here and let me bite into their flesh? Can somebody give me a cup of blood?” during his Hot Ones interview. That made me feel so many things. It made me watch Bloodsucking Bastards again and now I want vampire AU fics where Pedro and Tenoch are both vampires and you’re the human they share. Just imagine them feeding from you at the same time. Threesomes, biting, blood kink/blood play, dancing together at blood raves, etc. Give me all of that sensual and sexy vampire stuff for our favorite Josés. 🥵🩸❤️🩸

[amorgansgal]

Ooo HC asks are open ahh!! In your opinion, what costumes would modern AU VDL gang members wear for Halloween? (just whoever you have inspo for, and they could be grown-ups or kiddos!)

Thank you for your beautiful writing, you inspire me so much!! <3

Oh my god, I was thinking about doing something like this anyway and then you asked for it!! :D I've gone with grown ups and done everyone (it surprisingly didn't take me too long for most of the gang, but I got quite stuck on Bill, Javier and Swanson)!

Aww, well thank you for your beautiful writing!! :) You're very sweet and kind, I hope you enjoy this:

VDL Gang - Halloween Costumes

Arthur - Cowboy. But it’s literally stuff he already owns and most of it can be found in his wardrobe. Arthur is one of those people who gets invited to a Halloween party, but is very grumpy about having to dress up. Even with Mary-Beth and Trelawny pestering him about what he’s going as, he’s very resistant, but will eventually cave. Despite that he loves getting candy for all the neighbourhood kids and especially when Jack comes round to his house.

Dutch - Vampire. Classy, dramatic, three-piece suit, very nice! There won’t be any drooly plastic fangs or excessive fake blood here, thank you very much! Dutch will also pretend to not be interested, but secretly enjoys it, especially if the ladies pay attention to him because of it. He doesn’t really care for any of the other elements of Halloween, candy, decorations, but does have an appreciation for the sexy style costumes.

Hosea - Librarian. Hosea will say he’s a “sexy” librarian, but there’s nothing really sexy about what he’s wearing, he just says that the providers of knowledge who work in a place of safety, learning and understanding are always sexy! Needless to say the Herringbone waistcoat, pale yellow shirt and brown shoes make him look pretty good. He enjoys playing a small prank on the kids who come trick or treating, offering them an apple or orange, and then bringing out a bowlful of candy.

John - Skeleton/Zombie. John never really dressed up for Halloween, he was that kid who went around with a trash bag and no costume trick or treating. Now, because he has to go out with Jack, Abigail thinks it’s cute if they wear matching costumes. Initially he thought it was lame and argued about it, but seeing Jack’s disappointed face changed his mind. He likes going as a skeleton or zombie, because neither require much effort. Favourite part of Halloween is seeing Jack’s excitement of getting candy, even if he does get a sugar rush.

Jack - T-Rex. Has escaped Abigail's insistent he wears the same costume as his father, but still seems to enjoy it and gets excited to see John wearing the same outfit as him. This year he has one of those inflatable dinosaur costumes that Abigail has been trying to persuade him not to wear to preschool, but he gets very cross about if he can't. Finds it absolutely hilarious when Uncle Arthur pretends to be scared of him. Everything about Halloween is great in Jack's eyes, candy, decorations, spooky stories, gross bugs and stuff, and he gets to go to bed late!

Javier - The Mandalorian. Javier is a big fan of Pedro Pascal and thinks the Mandalorian costume is top notch, it’s got armour vibes, it’s got the mystery element with the helmet. The ladies seem to very much appreciate his efforts, though he does get asked a lot where his baby yoda is (Javier is not about to carry around a stuffed toy for the whole evening). He absolutely hates people dressing up in Día de los Muertos costumes or in offensive stereotypical Mexican costumes for Halloween. Micah has learnt this the hard way!

Bill - Viking. He’s big, bearded and doesn’t particularly care about looking good. So a Viking works well for Bill. His main enjoyment of Halloween is the masked element, it’s a good way to meet folks, take them back to his place and then never see them again. Hates trick or treaters, namely because they’ve tricked him a good few times when he doesn’t have candy. Has received a police warning for chasing kids away with a bat when they egged his house.

Micah - Clown. Micah would go as a goose, because he knows Arthur hates geese. But a goose is not a particularly cool costume. So he opts for a clown instead, because he knows Arthur doesn’t like clowns and they also freak Jack out. Tends to use Halloween as a good excuse to leer at women, even if they are wearing a regular costume! Says he loves horror films, but actually hates them.

Sean - Penis. Are we really surprised? Did we think it would be anything different? Sean has worn the same costume since his college days (and no, he’s not brought a new one each year, just given it a wash and boom)! He’s forbidden from answering the door to any trick or treaters, though if he does get drunk, he tends to forget. That’s if the kids can get any candy, Sean has the habit of taking a handful each time he passes by the door and scoffing it!

Charles - Werewolf. Charles doesn’t particularly like dressing up, though unlike Arthur doesn’t get bothered into choosing a costume a lot of the time. But if he’s invited to a Halloween party then he’ll relent, especially if Mary-Beth and Karen are holding it. A werewolf is a good way of going dressed as something, but then usually half way through the night he can take off his mask. Isn’t a big fan of Halloween, too many people, too much noise, too much sugar. But damn does the man know some good, creepy stories. It will take a lot to get him to tell them, but they never fail to freak people out. Even Arthur is left unnerved by them!

Lenny - Pirate. Pirates are cool and Lenny has done a lot of research into the 18th century seafarers. He doesn’t quite realise that this isn’t really the point of Halloween, but his discussions on the economic advantages of being a pirate and anti-establishment talks are honestly quite fascinating. Eventually Jack will ask Lenny to play pirates with him and Lenny will climb Jack’s swing set and talk about buried treasure, parrots and sailing the seven seas! Arr!

Sadie - Rosie the Riveter. It’s the best of both worlds. Comfy, denim jumpsuit, minimal effort, but is iconic. Also no one can be in any doubt that Sadie is a badass who will kick you butt into next week! Like Charles she does tend to find the number of people, noise and sugar too much, but she still tends to enjoy herself and likes seeing other people happy. Tends to sneak away with Charles and Arthur for a drink or a smoke in order to escape the crowds.

Karen - Sexy/Scary Nurse. Karen quite enjoys the sexy costumes, finding them hilarious and ridiculous. But she also likes how her tits look in them. However, she thinks if you’re going to go sexy, then it should be tempered slightly. She has zero worries about pouring fake blood all over herself. She likes how Halloween is a good excuse for dressing up however she pleases and also the interesting themed cocktails you can get in bars!

Tilly - Witch. It’s not that Tilly means to choose the same outfit every year, she just does. She doesn’t feel comfortable wearing anything too revealing and doesn’t like anything overly scary. Plus, her black dress decorated with silver stars and cobwebby lace on the sleeves is just so pretty! How could she not wear it next year (and the year after that, and the year after that…)? Tilly is the queen of decorations though, she spends most of her time, energy and money creating a lot of amazing crafty items to decorate the house with.

Mary-Beth - Medieval/Fantasy Elf. No scratch that. Marie Antoinette. No scratch that. Elizabeth Bennet. Mary-Beth changes her mind at least a dozen times before she makes a decision. Which is difficult as she tends to make her own costumes and can’t resist pretty fabrics. She thinks it’s a shame to wear something made of polyester and cheap, it doesn’t matter a bit that she’ll only wear it for one night. She has a big following online and will show them her projects.

Abigail - Catwoman. It’s a good excuse to carry a whip, it means John will behave himself (and not be able to tear his eyes away from her). John sometimes suggests he goes as Batman to compliment her outfit, but she says she doesn’t really care about the comics. Abigail loves seeing Jack happy and excited about Halloween. She also likes teasing John and seeing him get rather flustered and embarrassed.

Susan - Disco Queen. Susan in a similar vein to Arthur will just wear stuff from her wardrobe that’s already there. Though the outfits do tend to be from her younger days. Some of it doesn’t quite fit her anymore, but she doesn’t have time to think about Halloween. When it does come round, she’s always in a rush and can’t be asked to go to the shops anymore. She thinks it’s wasteful to spend money on a costume you only wear once.

Pearson - Pumpkin. It’s not a proper costume, just a bright orange jumper with peeling black cardboard stuck to it and a green hat on his head. Pearson is usually busy preparing the food for Mary-Beth’s party, he tries to make a new cocktail drink or snack every time and normally they go wrong. The ghost marshmallows melt, the spooky cookies just sort of turn into regular circular cookie and the toffee on the toffee apples hardens so much they’re just inedible. He still makes a pretty great pumpkin soup though and keeps an eye on the pumpkins throughout the evening, especially after the year where Sean kicked one through an open window.

Strauss - Does not wear a costume. Does not go out for Halloween. Wants absolutely nothing to do with it. Will definitely sit in his house with all the lights switched off, so he doesn’t get bothered by trick or treaters. Despite being invited to the party (and having an option to avoid trick or treaters that way), he will adamantly refuse to go.

Trelawny - Wizard. It’s a great time for Trelawny to wear a stylish suit and long robe. He tends to forgo the beard as it gets into his mouth, but the tall, pointy hat is a big yes in his eyes. He tries to learn a new magic trick each year to impress everyone, but will still show off his older tricks. Trick or treaters are basically a new audience to Trelawny, it’s basically the reason why trick or treaters love going there.

Swanson - Medieval Friar’s costume. No one can tell if this is offensive or not, considering Swanson is a reverend. But he doesn’t have a problem with it, so why would anyone else? Is definitely one for partying too hard, too fast and then not making it past 11pm. The others leave him to sleep on the coats upstairs, but in a way that’s why his costume works so well, it’s basically a huge blanket.

Kieran - Spiderman/Superman. Kieran received a lot of flack one year for dressing up as Batman, everyone was taking the piss saying he wasn’t gritty enough for the caped crusader. So he instead now opts for ‘nicer’ superheroes and most tend to leave him alone with those choices. He knows most consider his costume boring, but he doesn’t mind as long as he doesn’t draw negative attention. Jack also loves having spiderman or superman around, though does point out a lot that neither of them have a beard.

Molly - Molly makes the most of her red hair. So she’ll choose characters like Ariel, Jessica Rabbit, Satine and Poison Ivy. She likes costumes that don’t look exactly like a costume, but if you know the character then you’ll know who she’s dressing up as. She prefers the glamourous looks of Jessica Rabbit and Satine. Abigail and her take a lot of pictures for her Instagram when they’re going as Catwoman and Poison Ivy respectively.

Uncle - A Legend. Uncle just goes as himself, if he’s asked where his costume is that’s what he replies with. It got old about five years ago, but he never goes as anything different.

[arachine]

𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞.

.*+! sexy lexi (real)

.*+! black + hispanic

.*+! twenty

.*+! she/her or that/mf

.*+! aquarius sun, leo rising, sagittarius moon

.*+! est. standard time zone

.*+! tv shows: sex education, TWD, business proposal, kamisama kiss, YOU, vampire diaries, blue spring ride, THE ORIGINALS, alice in borderland, GOT, nana, hunter x hunter, heartbreak high, casa de papel, HOUSE OF THE DRAGON, kimi ni todoke, AOT, the bear, white lotus, THE BOYS, atla, breaking bad…

.*+! movies: MOONLIGHT, saving face, 10 things i hate about you, BLACK SWAN, beautiful boy, grand budapest hotel, i tonya, but i’m a cheerleader, BONES AND ALL, kick-ass, aquamarine, ramona and beezus, harry potter franchise, 13 going on 30, INTERSTELLAR, star wars (ep ii & iii)…

.*+! my luvas: ice spice, yahya abdul, marsai martin, finn wolfhard, jenna ortega, caleb mclaughlin, bailey bass, lakeith stanfield, taylor russell, pedro pascal, jonathan davis, audrey plaza, oscar isaac, andrew lincoln, letitia wright, steven yeun, kento yamazaki…the list goes on and on

.*+! fav artists: LANA DEL REY, frank ocean, carti, kehlani, wham!, DEFTONES, faye webster, megan thee stallion, BRENT FAIYAZ the marias, CLARA LA SAN, the cocteau twins, THE WEEKND, the smiths, flo milli, arin ray, BEABADOOBEE, nicki minaj, ariana grande, PARTYNEXTDOOR, cigarettes after sex, MICHAEL JACKSON, mitski, SZA

.*+! likes: pickles, oversharers, ice cream, sage green, uggs, white nail polish, low rise jeans, headphones, partying, concerts, stickers, caramel ribbon crunch frappes, kittens, me

.*+! dislikes: ppl who can’t take a joke, chitlins, finals season, sports, annoying ppl, the atla live action, skylar white antis, ppl who hate on teen titans go!, the deep supporters, mustard, unsweetened cheerios, weekend classes

- i’m such a lazy person so pls do not expect frequent updates…i have a life outside of this app lol

- i have a tik tok, discord, and ig if mutuals would like to connect off of tumblr as well! just dm me for it >.<

[carusolikey]

The Blue Hour

a Max Phillips & Bloodsucking Bastards FanFic

Chapter 5: The Killing Moon Continued...

Part 2/2: Max, You've Got Some Explaining to Do

Previously, on 'The Blue Hour' - An unwelcome blast from the past reappeared, with questionable motivations. Max made it his business to use some of his unique skills to lift spirits and in return, a few areas of improvement were demonstrated for entertainment's sake. This week - There will be blood. And a new sense of intimacy. Special warnings apply to this chapter - take care to peruse, dear reader - Bloodsucking Bastards be lurking in these pages!

Pairing: Max Phillips of Bloodsucking Bastards x afab!fem!reader

Rating: Explicit / NSFW 18+ (No Minors)

Author’s Note: I wrote this piece during the month of April 2024 - Adenomyosis Awareness Month, and the idea came to me during March 2024 (Endometriosis Awareness Month). This will not have any type of pregnancy kink, but will touch on infertility of OC due to the aforementioned; canon for this story is also that Vampires are infertile - there will be no Renesmé. OC is intended to be around the same age as Max, reader’s choice up or down, but no age gap. Because older afab/fem lovers are sexy - we drink and we know things. The style of this sticks to the humor and playfulness of the original movie, while incorporating a very sexy and romantic Max, even though he is a little bit of a cocky, smartmouth asshole.

Warnings: 18+ only content. This chapter includes some grisly, Bloodsucking Bastards-style vampires murdering, with suggestive gifs that may include some swaths of blood, from the movie upon which this fic is based. A bit of rough sex/smut (fingering, fem penetration - P in V, oral [m + f receiving]). Consensuality is implied and intended through actions and reactions, no protection used for Vampire reasons previously disclosed (be wise and always use protection, this is fiction). Able bodied / Invisibly disabled fem afab reader with endometriosis. Alcohol consumption. Non-gendered pet names, fem can be carried and has hair - though length is not mentioned. Did attempt to stay away from gendered pronouns and nicknames, although did use the word woman, possibly more than 3 times throughout the entire piece (not fully published yet) referring to OC. Will occasionally refer to history of endo / adeno.

Word Count: ~ 13,700+ (total between Part 1 + Part 2)

Return to the Masterlist!

Return to Chapter 5, Part 1

Continued...

“Oh, Max. Why don’t you tell me what exactly led to you taking such drastic action - because, we did talk about you not coming with me for exactly this type of reason.”

“Well,” He sighed, “yes, that’s true. I guess - I was coming back from work and I saw you leaving the building. I knew you were going to see him, so I thought I’d stick around the vicinity and check him out - see what he looked like, in case he was the type to start zombie-ing.”

Chuckling, I bewilderedly asked, “What? Zombie-ing??”

“Yeah. Zombie-ing. It’s when someone ghosts you initially, but then won’t stop coming back from the dead to bug you while you’re just trying to get on with your life.”

Pondering that, I replied, “That’s real. That’s very real.”

“Yeah. I know.” He said in a silly, yet matter-of-fact tone, “And I didn’t want that happening to you, cause this guy sounded like a real asshat.”

I bowed my head in recognition, and tipped my glass towards him, “I can appreciate that.”

“Anyway,” Max continued, “you got to the café before him and I waited - you played that happy-sounding sad song, which– broke my heart for you. I watched him walk up while on his phone, talking to a friend, telling them that he had to meet with his ‘fucked up ex’ and that you were probably going to try to hook up with him. I almost killed him there.” 

He paused, taking another swig of his Laphroaig as I shuddered thinking about the conflicting ideas my ex presented: ‘she’s fucked up, but I’m gonna hook up with her still.’ AND he’s seeing someone else. Was seeing someone else. I wonder if Nat misses him yet? I frowned thinking about the whole mess.

“I loved the way you reacted to him, though.” Max’s face broke out into a huge smile. “The way you gave him absolutely nothing and walked away was hot.” He fox-whistled, shaking his head. “HOT–” 

He rubbed his stomach and stretched, reaching one arm around my shoulders in a move that in general seems like it's reserved for awkward teenagers, but making me smile with his genuine affection.

 “I was gonna meet up and walk you back into the apartment building, but then I heard him make another phone call to his friend.”

With his face souring slightly, he went on, “He told his friend that you were a total bitch to him, after he ‘supposedly’ told you that he was in a committed relationship and that he never wanted to have sex with you again because it was boring - but he was ‘just being honest’ and that’s what set me off. That piece of shit just wanted to keep fucking with you, even though the relationship is over, has been over - and after the way he treated you while you were in it? No. Fuck that.”

His face hardened as he discussed what happened next, “I stuck around. There’s no doubt in my mind that little fucker wouldn’t keep popping up and trying to hurt you, and that’s not something I’m willing to stand by and watch. He came out of the café and I rushed him against the far wall near the dumpsters. Specifically so his last sensory experience could be the overwhelming scent of trash, since that’s what he apparently aspired to be."

"When I pulled out his heart and fed it to those street dogs, I let him know - that’s what you get for being a dick to a really amazing person, that I–” he stopped for a second, and swallowed, “that I care about.” 

He swirled the whiskey around his glass, “After I tossed his remains in the dumpster, where they belong,” he emphasized, “I was surprised to hear Peter Gabriel playing, and when I looked up and saw that it was coming from your apartment–” Max shook his head, chuckling a little, “You gave me my Lloyd Dobler moment, but you were Lloyd and I was Ione Skye.”

“Seeing you in my shirt when I got up to your apartment–” he trailed off there, squeezing me closer with the arm he had around my shoulder, and kissing me on the forehead, letting out a stilted breath.

I knew the rest from there, but I was incredibly touched by how open he was in explaining his motivations. This. This is the difference. This is why you’re able to be compassionate towards him and lack compassion towards the man he tossed in a dumpster. That man was trash.

“I care about you, too, Max.”

He looked back at me a little startled, apparently not expecting me to focus on that part of his recap of the evening. Max, the extraordinarily unshakeable - blushed.

Bringing my free hand up to his luminous face, I stroked his cheek and ran my fingers through his hair as he closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them, he examined my face, focusing on my lips and then moving to my eyes. His eyebrows furrowed as though he were trying to make up his mind about something. I continued carefully drawing my fingers through his hair, when he pulled his arm from around me, turning towards me - placing his whiskey glass down and his left hand on my left leg. 

Finally he spoke up, “That first night - the one when you first started doing your laundry in the middle of the night?”

“Mmhmm?” I gave him a quick vocal assertion, but all of my attention as I turned my whole body towards him, too.

“The song you were singing, it was so - it really got to me. I was not in a great place after being turned. I was - I was having a hard time seeing the upsides of being a vampire, I missed the sun - I felt like… I’d had something valuable taken away from me by no longer being human. But then - I heard you singing.” 

While I continued twisting his hair in my fingers, he took both of his hands and started rubbing up and down my thighs - not sexually, but sort of absentmindedly, as though the act brought him some comfort, just to be touching me. 

“Even though the melody seemed sad, the lyrics felt as though - like you were begging me to keep going. Once I heard your voice, it was so much easier to pick you out amongst the building, and there you were. The light in the darkness. Sunshine for a vampire. And I’m not saying that you needed to be my savior, that’s not your job - I just realized that as a vampire, I was missing a lot of the things that I loved as a human. But those things aren’t gone, they’re just - different - now. I experience them differently, and it’s worth exploring.”

He sighed, looking down, “And I suppose the other thing I missed - is… was, connection.”  

Setting my whiskey down, I took my newly free hand and lifted his face, giving him a soft kiss - which he readily returned.

“Do you remember which song it was?” I asked, interested which ballad could have affected him so.

“I don’t know the name of it, but I vaguely remember that there were crazy babies, and you were begging them not to turn off lights. Which doesn’t sound very profound, but–”

“Oh, I know exactly which song you’re talking about!” A little shocked, I was pleasantly surprised that the few clues he provided me with were enough for me to pinpoint the precise tune.

“You do?” He smiled at me, delightfully astonished.

“And your hands are really shakin’ something awful, as you light your 27th cigarette. Oh how long have you been sittin’ in the darkness? You forget.” I began to sing. “Oh, my crazy baby. Try to hold on tight. Oh, my crazy baby. Don’t put out the light - the liiiiight, the liiight, the liiiiiight.”

Max took my right hand in his left, bringing it to his heart, and laid his head in my lap as I continued smoothing his hair.

“And they look at you like they don’t speak your language. And you’re living at the bottom of a well. And you swallowed all the awful bloody secrets that you can’t tell.�� 

I thought about how the lyrics must really have resonated with him, watching him hold onto me, his vulnerability was a new type of strength that I was seeing. This big, overwhelming, new state of existence that was thrust upon him. It wasn’t much different than the sudden decisions I had been faced with, but he never, ever attempted to make that comparison.

As I neared the end of the song, someone from the street yelled, “SHUT UP!” 

And Max immediately sat up and yelled, “YOU SHUT-UP - MY GIRLFRIEND HAS THE VOICE OF A GODDAMNED ANGEL!”

“YO’ FUCK YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND, FUCKFACE!”

Max's reaction was almost like a dog who sensed someone walking past their house - immediate and unnecessarily aggressive, but for the most part harmless. It was kind of hilarious, which is why my reaction was to laugh.

“Hey! Why are you laughing? I’m viciously defending you, and that guy should be afraid of me!” Max complained.

Slapping my hand over my mouth, I tried to stop my laughing, but his sincerity in believing that what was happening was a sincere line of defense, was too much for me. 

“I swear to god, I’ll give you something to laugh about.” He squinted at me, threatening me with his index finger.

Max jumped up, grabbing a coaster and walking to the edge of the building, tossing it like a frisbee. Not more than a few seconds later, an extremely loud, “OW, WHAT THE FUCK??!” echoed up from the street, along with a chorus of many dogs barking, disturbed by the outburst, as well as at least two car alarms triggered by the loud noise.

He then shrugged and brushed his hands off, like it was all in a day’s work. 

“You proud of yourself?” I asked him, amused.

“To defend the honor of someone I care about immensely?!” He asked dramatically, putting his left hand up to his chest as he walked back, sliding back into his previous position next to me, placing his right hand on my left knee. “Beyond proud!”

“Max?” 

“Yes, Sweetness?” Taking hold of my right hand, he looked deep into my eyes, kissing the palm of my hand and then pretending to nibble at my wrist playfully.

“Remember that time we talked about how I can fight my own battles, or how at the very least we should talk about how we’re going to approach those battles together?” I teased.

His face dropped, “No. No - because that guy, that was between me and him. It might’ve seemed like it was about you, but I think you have to agree - that in the end, he just wanted to provoke me.”

Max bit his lip, waiting for me to accept or deny that reasoning.

I couldn’t keep a straight face and burst out laughing, “Max! Your response to some guy being a dick was to aggressively throw a COASTER at him. That was it! And it was hilarious. I approve. You’re fine.”

Max let out a huge sigh of relief, “Oh god, oh my god,” he chuckled nervously, “I thought I went too far again. Whew! Okay. Okay. Great.”

He hugged me and kissed me a few times on the cheek while I continued laughing, and then just proceeded to crush me with his body. “VAMPIRE BLANKET!”

“Nooooo. Whyyyyyy. I asked for a leopard print snuggie.” I responded, flailing lightly.

“You don’t want me?” Max lifted his head to look me in the eyes.

“I always want you.” I started, “Vampire Blanket feels like it should be something I take on a Vampire Weekend, though.”

“Ahhhh, no!” Max groaned.

“Skee-bop, dope-bop, a-wee-bop, dope-bop, weeeee-oooooh-aaaaah!” I started singing A-Punk by Vampire Weekend.

He chuckled, “Are, uh - are those the words?”

“Pretty darn sure. Google it.” I dared him with my eyes.

“No. Those sound right. It seems like you’re on top of that.” 

He looked out over the terrace, where the sky was starting to lighten up and then back to me. We both knew it was time to call it a night. Max stood up first, holding his hand out for me to take, and we grabbed our empty whiskey glasses from the table. Before leaving the terrace, he peeked inside the incinerator, making sure that everything was destroyed before shutting it off.

When we got inside, Max led me into the bedroom. “You don’t have any sheets on your bed, you should sleep here.” He reached into a drawer and tossed me a t-shirt.

“It seems like you’ve made up my mind for me?”

“Leave then.” His face was blank, with a smirk teasing at the corners of his mouth as he put on a fresh pair of dress pants.

“I mean, I think I’ll take you up on your offer, because I am tired–”

“That’s what I thought,” He said as a full smile cracked through, while buttoning up his dress shirt.

I grumbled a little as I let my robe drop off, revealing my entire body to Max, whose smile dropped into a hungry, slightly open-mouthed stare. Slipping into the t-shirt he provided, his grin returned.

Licking his lips, he mused, “You look great.” 

I glanced down at what I was wearing, and it was a band t-shirt for Heart. Why not? Of course Max is a Heart fan. 

“I know you have to go to work, but I’m going to need to know which Heart song is your favorite and why, in a 500 word essay form.”

Max shrugged as he put on his tie, “I’m an enigma - and I don’t know that 500 words is enough for me to fully go Crazy On describing what my favorite song is and why. Why does it have to be one, Alone? They’ve all got their own Magic, Man. This feels like some sort of Barracuda fishing expedition! Geez!”

He finished his statement with faux annoyance, then walked over to me, dressed and ready to go, and gave me a kiss on the lips, as I giggled at his clever, yet corny, Heart puns.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“But you like it.”

“I do.” I said, straightening his tie.

Max looked down at me as I took my time smoothing his tie and shirt, “Listen, tonight –” he seemed a little unsure of asking, “you still up for drinks with my coworkers?”

Pausing, I thought for a moment, “I think so! Where is it again?”

Seeming relieved, he responded, “It’s at that Pin-Up candlepin bowling place a few blocks from here - it’s close to my office, actually.”

“Oh, yes! Kinda fancy, right?”

“Ish?” Max shrugged. “Definitely nicer than a lot of other dives.”

“Okay. Yeah - that sounds great.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up from here or –”

“At my apartment, Max. I have no clothes here, c’mon.”

“I like you like this.” His hand moved under and up the t-shirt, raising his eyebrows the higher he got. “It’s high fashion as far as I’m concerned.”

I rolled my eyes, modestly amused. “Are you staying with me or going to work?”

Max raised his wrist, looking at his watch, “Shit. Yeah, I’ve gotta go - get in bed, go to sleep! You need to make sure you have enough energy for partying tonight.” 

Suddenly, a giant, open-mouthed smile spread across his face, and he danced backwards out of the bedroom, doing a combination of disco and Gangnam Style, maybe? It was hard to tell what he was going for, but it was certainly entertaining to watch. Note to self: start calling him Magic Max? 

Once I got into his bed, I laid there for a little while trying to sleep - but everything that had happened in the past 24 hours started to hit me. I needed to take some time and process it without Max, so I stared at the ceiling for a bit. When that wasn’t sufficient, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and willed myself to stand up. Maybe I could grab some more paper from Max’s desk - let myself filter some of this through stream of consciousness poetry.

As I stood up and started to leave the room, something caught my eye on Max’s dresser, and I had to check it out. Walking closer, my heart started to pump a little harder, and I put my hand up to my chest. Two frames stood atop his dresser, perfectly mismatched and matching everything else. Inside one frame was the drawing I did of him, the other - the poem I wrote.

Is this too much? I wondered. Or is this exactly right? He’s valuing the things that I create, the things that I do and make. Why does that make me uncomfortable? They were gifts I gave him, this isn’t a shrine with hair dolls made from hair he secretly collected from my hairbrush. Oh shit. Do I need to look for one of those? No. No? No. I thought for another moment. No. I’m not getting that vibe…. I don’t think I’m getting that vibe. Hahahhaa.

Decidedly moving on, I went to Max’s desk and grabbed some paper and a pencil from where I’d seen him retrieve it for me a couple nights earlier. Sitting on the floor next to the coffee table, I scrolled through my phone for something that might get my juices flowing. Ultimately and perfectly landing on a cover of Tears for Fears, Shout, by Russian Red. 

“Shout, shout, let it all out. These are the things I can do without. Come on - I'm talking to you, come on.”

The ethereal chorus urged me to give voice to the pain that still clung to my ribs. The things I wished I’d said, I’d wished I’d done, and perhaps already did. Just like that, a flick of the wrist, a switch in the dark, and my anger, frustration, the ache and agony over unspoken grief poured forth - and it was not necessarily for whom I expected.

In order to get closer to you, I have to lose myself. In the closeness  when I cease to exist, you always want something else. I fill myself up, drown my ears,  my thoughts, in a tub of your wants. Fully saturated, like a sponge that can’t soak up  anymore of this spill, just wiping and spreading more of you, still. You’re everywhere. Staining the floor and the rug. Somewhere in this house, there’s an overflowing tub, and it’s me - I know it. I can’t take any more of this. As the water rises, I realize that I’m your life raft, your flotation device - when they said to put your oxygen mask on first, you took mine. Swallowed up by your torrent and tides, I cut loose the bottle at my hip - the one I kept myself inside. No note, just me - my place to hide. Toss it into the waves  and wave goodbye. While you use the parts still here, my self will be carried elsewhere. Somewhere far and nowhere near, to be found by someone who can spare a little space, a little room, cozy on display, or let me loose - but no more will I have to choose between suffocating myself in order to be with you, or being me, relentlessly, now, no more - nothing left to lose. I’ve lost myself,  but never again to you.

Reading over my own words, stretching my arms above my head, I felt satisfied - like I’d captured the experience of being with my ex exactly, honestly. I always tried to justify his behavior, to give him the benefit of the doubt, to be the bigger person. Carrying that was a lot.

With my Spotify on random, I was pleasantly surprised when Heart’s, Alone, came on after Shout, completely unplanned and perfectly serendipitous. Hmmm. That word again, but this time I’m the one using it intentionally.

Feeling a lot better, I decided to scribble out a little 7-9-7 Haiku about Max.

You bleed me dry on the sly, Even if it’s just with your brown eyes. Secretly though, just bite me.

Cackling, I knew I couldn’t show this to him - he would take it as an invitation, and I wasn’t sure if we were there yet. My mind went straight to Sookie Stackhouse in True Blood, and her vampire paramours, constantly fang-banging. Hilarious and sexy, my two favorite things. 

I went back into the bedroom and tucked the poems into the pocket of my robe, feeling satisfied and like I could finally sleep. Tucking myself under Max’s covers, I fell asleep surrounded by his scent.

To be Continued Next Week via Chapter Six...

Check out the Easter Eggs for this chapter here.

Return to the Masterlist!

Return to Chapter 5, Part 1

Should the mood strike, let me know if you're digging this story by liking, reblogging, or leaving a little comment. It's up to you!

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | myoxisbroken

Happy hump day, peeps!  This week’s spotlight is the queen of a historical fic, AU or canon.  The maven of food porn in a fic. And the reigning champ of teasing me with smut @myoxisbroken​ !  Let’s dive in!!

The Basics

MASTERLIST HERE

Any other names you want people to call you?

Miss Ox, myox, whatever you feel like!

How long have you been writing fic?

2 years.

What fandoms and/ships do you write?

MCU (Loki, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes), other Tom Hiddleston characters (Pine, Conrad, Sharpe, Buxton, Nicholls, Plumptre, and ever-growing), and just branching out into Pedro Pascal with The Mandalorian; I also have a few Doctor Who fics in my Masterlist (Ten/Donna Noble)

How did you get started writing fic?

I was reading a ton of Doctor Who fic and enjoying the Doctor/River Song stories. Then I rewatched DW season 4 and was so depressed about Donna's ending that I immediately watched the David Tennant/Catherine Tate version of Much Ado About Nothing. And then I started to ship the Tenth Doctor and Donna.

So I read a bunch of their fic and thought, "You know what would be awesome? If someone wrote a WW2 AU where Donna's a single mother and the Doctor is an injured fighter pilot that she takes in as a boarder." And then I started to get snippets of dialogue in my head, and ideas for scenes, and I wondered if I might be able to write a story myself. I hadn't written anything in years, but I decided to give it a try. And a few months later, I had my first story completed, a 14-chapter Doctor Who AU.

 After that, I had the writing bug and I haven't been able to stop coming up with ideas and working to put them into words!

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

It is honestly so hard to choose. I'm only going to choose completed works, because I always love the WIPs I'm working on. So, let's see: You Bring Me Home is one of them, because it was so fun to just jump into a sexy vacation romp with some playful kink exploration for James Conrad (Kong: Skull Island). With Brooding Wings was my first attempt at a vampire story using multiple Tom Hiddleston characters, and I really enjoyed playing with the dynamics of different personalities and settings in that world. 

 In A Restless World Like This Is is another, because I had such a great time writing a fluffy love story for Steve Rogers and an older OFC. It started as a spite project because of someone's objections to older characters and turned into such a lovely experience. It was one of the easiest I've ever written in terms of how quickly it flowed from my brain through my fingers. I'd loved writing for Loki (An Excellent Suggestion was my first Loki story, and my first time writing smut) and for Bucky (We Are All Victims of Physics Sometimes was my first dip into capturing Bucky's quiet reserve and depth of emotion).

I honestly could go on and on about stories but would only sound more conceited.

Which story are you most proud of?

I think A Pursuit of the Heart. It was my first time writing in the Regency/Georgian era, and I did a TON of research for it. It was also my first novel-length story, and I didn't even know if I could take on something that big or write a historical romance convincingly, in a way that felt era-appropriate and true. I was so proud of the finished product.

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

Let Your Heart Be Light, a Bucky/OFC story with a Christmas theme - its companion piece, Kissing The New Year In, also didn't get much traction. But I loved writing them!

Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first?

It depends on what actors and characters they like, really, as well as if they like smut or fluff or both. For a smutty one-shot, I'd recommend An Excellent Suggestion (which has a one-shot sequel). For a swoonier longer fic with smut, I'd recommend either You Bring Me Home or my fake relationship Steve Rogers fic The One Thing You Can't See. 

For fluff, An Unforeseen Outcome is a Loki one-shot with both fluff and a little emotional hurt/comfort. Interestingly, I've written more not-smut fluff for Loki than for any other character. I think I just want him to find connection and love and acceptance so much. 

And if you are a fan of historical romance, I'd recommend either my Thomas Sharpe AU A Compromising Situation, or if you like your fics with a healthy dose of angst, Beside Us When Beauty Brightens, my William Buxton (Return to Cranford) story about what happens after he loses Peggy.

Which Story did you do the most research for?

A Pursuit of the Heart, since it was my first one set in the Georgian era and I had a lot of catching up to do! I research for most of my stories, and definitely for my multi-chapter stories. Even if they're contemporary, I still look up resorts, locations, restaurants and local foods, things to do, etc. I can't help it. It's like I'm addicted to research.

Which Story was the easiest to write?

For a multi-chapter fic, In A Restless World Like This Is. For a one-shot, probably my Loki Christmas fluff All I Want For Christmas Is You.

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

When a scene I've had in my head just flies out of my fingers and onto the page, and I can read it back and think, "YES! That's just how I wanted it!"

What is your least favorite part?

When my brain is too scattered and unfocused to actually allow me to do any writing.

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Well-researched stories that use the information to make you feel like you're there and that incorporate sweetness into even the smuttiest scenario. Also, food porn, and porn porn.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

For published novels, Mary Balogh and Sabrina Jeffries are two of my favorite historical romance writers, and I think that reading them has helped to make my writing better. In terms of fic authors (some of whom are also published), @nildespirandum​ and @caffiend-queen were two of the first I read in the Tom/Loki fandom and their excellent quality and intriguing plots are an inspiration, even if I will never be able to write plots as twisty as theirs. Also, reading @yespolkadotkitty​'s stories helped me push myself to get better at setting scenes and at incorporating the various senses into stories, because she is so good at both of those things and so much else.

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

I use Google Docs. I have also been dancing around buying Scrivener for an original novel I plan to write and shop around, so I'll be doing that soon.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Plotter, for sure. My brain would implode if I tried to pants my stories.

Do you write RPF or not?

I have a few chapters of a Tom Hiddleston RPF in draft form but haven't proceeded with it. I'd kind of like to write a Pedro Pascal RPF one-shot. I love reading RPF but feel odd about writing it for some reason.

Who is your favorite character to write and why?

Again with the tough questions! It might be Loki, because he is such a chameleon and there are so many hidden depths to him. I really want to write some multi-chapter Loki stories, because so far I have done one-shots and one 3-chapter short fic. I'd like to explore a longer character arc for him.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

Authenticity because of my research, realistically depicting emotions, and writing in a style that feels genuine to the setting and era.

What do you struggle with?

PLOT. I do think that there is plenty of room for all kinds of stories, and I like to tell stories about relationships. But I would like to get better at adding outside conflict and other types of plot to my stories.

Favorite Trope?

It's so hard to choose between There Was Only One Bed and Fake Relationship. I think those are my top two.

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

Write something. Anything. Even if you think it's crap, get your first draft done, because you can always go back and rewrite something that's bad and make it better. Also, if you're stuck on your WIP, write something else - a piece of another story or one-shot, a description of something you saw, a character profile, a bit of personal journaling. Keep writing and don't let a temporary roadblock turn into a long-term one.

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

It's hard when something you wrote doesn't get a lot of attention, especially when you love it. We share stories in the hopes that other people will discover and enjoy them, but you have to at least partly do it for your own satisfaction, or it will get pretty discouraging if the likes/kudos, comments, and reblogs just don't happen.

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

Ladies' drawers (underwear) were not commonly worn until the mid-1800s. They were thought to be gentlemen's garments and it was thus vulgar for a lady to wear them. Yes, ladies of the Georgian (incl. Regency) era were generally commando beneath their skirts, petticoats, and shifts. But that was still a lot of layers.

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

My goal is to write an original novel (series) set during the Napoleonic Wars. My hope is to get it researched, written, and put in final draft form so that I can send query letters out before the end of 2021.

This or That

Fluff or Angst

Fluff AND Smut

Reader Insert or  OC

Canon Divergent or AU

Pepsi or Coke (Neither: Cherry Coke Zero)

Coffee or Tea (Neither: Cocoa)

Sweet AND Savory

And that is it, until next week, remember to check out the masterlist here.  And your new fav fic is just around the corner!  Until next time, toodles!

[asgardianvamp21]

Could I request a head cannon of the Pedro pascal boys finding out you have pierced nipples? Tysm 💕❤️💕

Of course! I just went with them being around in any time, sorry. Also this is my first head  cannon so sorry if it sucks!

NSFW 🔞 (NO UNDER 18)

Oberyn: So I feel like the two of you were fooling around and he goes to remove your dress and finds out they are pierced. Of course he has had lovers with piercings before but he still gets a hungry look in his eye before bending and taking one in his mouth. Also after knowing you have them he will constantly give a slight tug to one of your nipples with a small smirk before moving away. (Ellaria also loves them and how sensitive they make you)

Whiskey: whiskey might not be with everything of the times but he loves the piercings. You got them when he was a particularly LONG mission and while making dinner his first night back you guys get into a water fight and your shirt sticks and outlines your barbells perfectly. Whiskey does a double take before taking your shirt off shocked and carrying you into the bedroom. Honestly as soon as he sees a glimpse of them he is always hard and ready in seconds.

Mando: Mando would find out about them on accident. The two of you being in such close quarters it was bound to happen with him never knocking. He was coming to ask about dinner only to see you shirtless and the man loses all words and quickly hardens. After that he can’t help but stare and when you to get together that man is going to play with them if you let him. Also he would totally try and get you new piercings, even if he has to get them made.

Max Phillips: Max doesn’t really care that you have them. Max found out the first time the two of you hooked up at the office. He loves how sensitive your nipples are with them though. Every time he yanks them his vampire hearing hears your heart beat and blood pump faster.

Maxwell Lord: Maxwell isn’t huge on them because of his perfectionism. However he will still yank, slap, and clamp them because he loves the power he has over you with it. He figured out you had your nipples pierced before you two were together and saw the outline of one through your blouse. Needless to say he still says how your a bad girl or what would the others think of they knew how dirty you were.

Catfish: Frankie thought they were sexy. The two of you were on the couch making out and he pulled away confused when he felt one of the piercings through your shirt. You explained that you got them in college and just put your piercings back in. He quickly asked to see them if you would let him. When you pulled your shirt off he looked at you in awe before starting to flick his thumb over one but quickly pulling away when you make a sound. He is a quick learner on how to rile you up with them.

Tovar: Like Whiskey you got them when Tovar was gone. He thought your you were fine without them and scowled the first time he saw them because the man hates surprises and they aren’t exactly common. Taking off your shirt before making love and finding metal in your chest was quite a shock (and he won’t admit he got a little harder at the sight of your hardened buds with metal) But he does think you are sexy with them.

[cuntyarmand]

PEDRO PASCAL TAG GAME

I was tagged by my bebes @javier-pena and @trashcora 🌷

Favourite Pedro character: This is hard okay I can narrow down to a top 3 but 🥺Probably Agent Whiskey. I can’t help it, I go feral every time.

Favourite Pedro movie/show: I find a lot of Pedro’s movies I like more so for his characters and not the movies themselves so I will deflect and go with fav show, which is The Mandalorian. I just.. it has everything okay. Sexy deep voice helmet kink, le cute bebe, boss ass bitch frog lady..

What got you into Pedro and his characters? I had a normal crush on him back when he was in Game Of Thrones, but then I kind of lost track of him until The Mandalorian. It only got more intense in the golden era of mando s2, ww84 and we can be heroes.

Favourite thing about Pedro or one of his characters? Idk man he’s just dorky and sexy and chaotic. I don’t know him personally but he seems to be such a kind hearted and loving person.. esp with his family, that really gets me. Character wise, he just disappears completely into every character and makes them something completely different from himself. He puts so much work into it bless him 🥺

Do you write for Pedro characters? Only the dddcu 🌝

And what fanfic(s) have you not been able to stop thinking about by another author? I don’t read fics.

And finally, this one is a bit odd, but what do you hope Pedro does in the future (like a role he takes or a project he works on or something that happens to one of his characters)?  I just want him to be offered good, non stereotypical roles!! He deserves the best! But for my own satisfaction I would like to see maybe more sci fi or horror. Another vampire role maybe? Something regal like a king or prince would kill the man. But whatever he does, I know it will be big sexy!

I’m tagging: @djarsdin, @ah-soka, @pascal-djarin, @lokilaufeys, @dindiarin ✨

[charliejrogers]

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) - Review & Analysis

Here’s a non-controversial statement: 2017’s Wonder Woman is a legitimately great film (if you discount the last act’s boring battle). A fun, yet emotional anti-war tale with a great period aesthetic. What elevated it from greatness was its starkly bleak reveal that Ares does not start man’s wars, but he merely gives humans ideas for how to instigate them. Ultimately, it is Man who holds responsibility for our own destruction, and despite this Wonder Woman still chooses to help us poor creatures. Cool themes, cool hero, cool movie.

Wonder Woman 1984 shares the main character from its 2017 forerunner, as well as its dedication to recreating a particular period aesthetic (here the 1980s), but the brilliant writing from the first film is gone. The main themes are essentially… “be careful what you wish for” and “winners never cheat; cheaters never win.” Not the most grand and interesting follow-up to the prior film’s genuine insight into human nature.

But that’s OK. I’m really not sure why this movie is getting so much flak online. If DC’s recent prior history with filmmaking should have taught us anything, it’s that 2017’s Wonder Woman was a fluke. Remember that this is the same studio that brought us the outstanding climax to Batman vs. Superman where one grown man learns that another grown man’s mother is also named Martha. Oh, and did we all just forget that Justice League is one of the worst movies we have all collectively ever seen?

So let’s not be too hard on WW84 for not meeting the quality of 2017’s Wonder Woman. Few comic book movies can. In the more fair comparison to other movies in the DCEU, it sits below Shazam! and Aquaman, and just a smidge below Birds of Prey, but certainly above Suicide Squad, and then literally leaps and bounds over every other movie they’ve made.

Let’s start with the good. Honestly, despite my gripes about the themes of the movie not being very profound, I found the story to be interesting. The movie centers around Diana Prince (Gal Gadot in her role as an archaeologist for the Smithsonian and not as Wonder Woman) stumbling upon an ancient stone whose inscription invites people who hold the stone to make a wish. No one takes it really seriously at first, so two people make wishes without thinking they could come true. The first person is Diana herself who wishes to bring her boyfriend (whom she only knew for about a week, mind you) from the dead. As a reminder from the first film, her boyfriend Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) had died nearly 70 years prior to the start of this film in a dramatic, sacrificial, world-saving act. Apparently, Diana hasn’t moved on at all from the 1910s and still considers her short-time lover to be her forever lover. She’s not really a human and did not grow up a human, so I think we can forgive her for not moving on… but it is weird to imagine that Diana somehow works at the Smithsonian (without going to college? Or did she?) without developing any friends or interest in life. Wouldn’t she have moved on... like a little bit?

Anyways, she wants her boyfriend back, and that’s wish #1. Wish #2 comes from new character Barbara Minerva (Kristen Wiig… who I am shocked to find is 47 years old! She looks fantastic and far younger in this film). Were Barbara a man, the way she is treated by her colleagues would put them in the stereotypical role of a future school shooter. Barbara is a brilliant gemologist for the Smithsonian, but goes completely unrecognized for her brilliance. She is shy and unconfident, and subsequently people frequently forget that they have even met her. Add on to that the fact that she has to work in the same office as Wonder Woman, and her loneliness and subjective feelings of unattractiveness increase as male employees drool over Diana while they ignore and mock Barbara. Therefore, we would forgive her for having a chip on her shoulder. Yet, for all this, Wiig avoids playing her as an angry, emo goth. Barbara kinda has this air about her of “Well, this is just how life is, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.” Given the character’s lack of self-confidence and lack of social grace, it at times seemed like Wiig was just reprising her old SNL character, Penelope, the socially awkward one-upper. But that’s not fair to her character. Wiig portrays Barbara with an earnest goodness to her. She’s one of those people who when allowed to talk one-on-one proves to be more eloquent and interesting than you could have imagine. Far from being angrily envious of Diana’s confidence and beauty, she’s more sadly jealous. Naturally, then, she wishes on the stone to be more like Diana… unaware that this wish might have some unintended benefits.

But then, there’s a third key character to the film (and a third wishmaker), the main villain Maxwell Lord (Pedro Pascal). I cannot tell you if this was a good character or not… and I cannot tell you whether the imperfections of the character are more due to the film’s writing or Pascal’s performance. Lord is another loser, and like Barbara, his “loser” status is the result of being a victim of America’s prejudicial attitudes. But whereas Barbara fell victim to sexism, Lord falls victim to racism. Hispanic in origin, Lord grew up in America with an abusive father at home and racist classmates at school. Beaten down from an early age, all he wants in life is to make a name for himself, to prove he’s not a loser. In a clever twist, Lord (the person who originally ordered the wish stone to come to America before it was confiscated by the FBI and sent to the Smithsonian for analysis) does not simply use the stone to wish for riches and power… he wishes to BECOME the stone. That way, he can get nearly infinite wishes so long as he can con the people around him to wish things for him.

The scenes of Max Lord as a flawed human who just wants to not be a loser show Pascal giving a great performance as a human being at the ends of desperation. The scenes of Max Lord the supervillain are… not good. In a long string of over-the-top, eccentric, hyperconfident supervillains in countless superhero movies, Pascal’s Lord is just not interesting. In fact, he is literally a weak character. He cannot fight for himself as his body is crumbling (a side effect of wishing to become a stone). Furthermore, his initially grounded motivations to finally be respected and successful seem to be just utterly lost by the end of the film when he just wishes for world chaos… only then to turn around and declare undying love for his son. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Failure to understand a character’s motivations casts a shadow over Barbara’s character arc as well. It is explained that the wish stone takes something in return for granting someone their wish. So as payment for bringing Steve Trevor back to life, Diana loses some of her strength. Still… this strains to fully explain why Barbara, after gaining Wonder Woman-like strength, turns into a walking humanoid cheetah (complete with bad CGI like she walked straight out of the cast of 2019’s Cats.) Like I get that she lost some of her humanity and morality in exchange for strength… but Cheetah girl seems like a little much. And though initially it is fun to see Wiig get to play Barbara as a confident and sexy woman who fights back against the patriarchy, the movie (I think) unfairly pushes her into the villain role. In my opinion, she should be treated as a tragic character, something akin to a Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight, as her villainous tendencies are not really her fault. She literally had the part of her that cares about other humans taken away from her when she naively and innocently wished to be like Diana. Instead, the movie has Diana lecture her that she shouldn’t be so evil. She literally can’t, lady! Stop being so hard on her! In any case, it seems like a failed opportunity to generate sympathy for a genuinely likable character who tragically becomes a villain not through her own accord.

That failure to create genuine emotions extends to Diana’s story as well. As soon as Steve is resurrected, you know by the movie’s end he will be dead again. There’s no other way this movie ends. Yet, the fact that Diana is so stubborn in refusing to give up Steve makes it hard to sympathize with her. She is simply being selfish, making her eventual decision to say goodbye to Steve feel more like her finally doing the right (and obvious) thing, and not some heartbreaking decision. Also the fact that seemingly Diana hasn’t even tried to move on in the last seventy years doesn’t help matters for me: it more just feels like a lazy way to write in Chris Pine’s popular character into the second movie. The move certainly weakens the idea of Diana as a strong, independent woman by making her emotionally stunted and crippled for the last 70 years. It would have been a much more satisfying (and daring) choice if Diana had moved on from Steve emotionally and had to deal with the guilt of having brought him back by accident, particularly if he didn’t want to go back to being dead. Instead... Steve knows he has to go back and Diana feels no guilt keeping him around. It’s weak character writing.

These poor choices I contrast with two of my favorite TV shows that demonstrate perfectly how former lovers who miraculously reunite eventually have to say goodbye for good: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Jane the Virgin. For risk of spoilers to those still watching Jane, I’ll stick to the Buffy example. There’s an episode of Buffy (though technically an episode of the spin-off show Angel) where Buffy and her vampire lover Angel are fresh off their recent and tumultuous break-up, but through some dark magic that neither seeks out, they are given the opportunity to live a life where Angel isn’t actually a vampire and their love can be fully expressed. Yet, in the end, Angel opts to give up his life as a human and return to being a vampire. The choice is so moving precisely because (due to circumstances I cannot begin to explain) in choosing to give up his life with Buffy, he saves her life as well. Whereas in this movie, Diana choosing to let Steve go is really just her choosing to undo her choice to essentially cheat death. Angel, however, is actively choosing to give up a life of happiness he never wished for but was just given on a silver platter, and will now live in a world where his lover will never know his selfless act and will go on hating him. It’s heartbreaking in a way Wonder Woman dreams it could be.

And not to get too Buffy-heavy… but that show also deals with the emotional consequences of being ripped out of the afterlife much better than this movie. Steve just kinda unrealistically adapts to being alive again in all of five minutes. If, perhaps, from the start he questioned why he was there and hinted to Diana that something was wrong, the emotional aspect of this story, the doomed nature, the feeling of “this is the last chance we’ll have together” could have made this a stronger movie. I wanted to find myself crying when Diana finally says bye to Steve, and I was no where close to that. Gal Gadot shares at least part of the blame. She’s a pretty wooden actress. It’s something I noticed in 2017’s Wonder Woman, but in that movie she was supposed to be a fish out of water so her stilted presence seemed appropriate. Here, where she’s supposedly become an assimilated American for 70 years… it is just bad acting.

Anyways, another aspect of this film that was lacking were the visuals. The bad CGI of Barbara as Cheetah is just scratching the surface here. The opening flashback to Diana as a girl performing in the Amazonian Olympics just… looks fake. I don’t know. The reliance on CGI over practical effects is clear and distracting. It’s only worse in the subsequent scene where Wonder Woman stops a theft from occurring in a mall. The effects are just bad. Like passable for a film in the 1990s or early 2000s. But for a 2020 blockbuster, it’s noticeably bad. And already the scene where Wonder Woman is running towards the camera with a weird green screen behind her seems to have become a meme given just how weird it looks.

And yet, for all the negatives I’ve listed, this is a decent action flick. There’s even some nice set pieces like the one in the White House. As little as I liked Max Lord as a supervillain, I found figuring out the other half of each of his various Monkey Paw wishes (i.e. the downside of each wish) to be clever. unfortunately, each of the main three characters fails to have a story line that takes full advantage of their emotional potential, or they are just poorly acted. With few exceptions, the film eschews “fun” in favor of “seriousness.” Really the only exception is, as in the first film, the chemistry between Pine and Gadot. Their chemistry makes for some of the movie’s best moments, like when Wonder Woman makes the plane they’re flying in invisible and the pair flies over fireworks on the fourth of July. But that sense of whimsy in their scenes is largely absent from the rest of the film. This is particularly true of the action sequences, especially those at the climax. The seriousness makes them rather boring. Really, I’m comparing these action scenes with the last half hour or so of Birds of Prey which really set the bar for superhero movie fight choreography. So in the end, it’s overall an OK movie. It certainly isn’t as bad as others make it out to be, but I cannot believe I’m saying this… in 2020 if you’re in the mood for a fun superhero movie, you’re better off with the Suicide Squad sequel than the Wonder Woman sequel.

**/ (Two and a half stars out of 4)

[carusolikey]

The Blue Hour

a Max Phillips & Bloodsucking Bastards FanFic

Paint up those Easter Eggs in your favorite colors and shapes, cause baby, we're on our way!

Return to Chapter 3

Return to Masterlist!

Chapter 3 - I hope you're wearing a seatbelt, otherwise...

"Dammit, I thought to myself, I cannot be this starved for the Vitamin D."

We're talking about dick here. Vitamin D = dick. However, people in places that are in more northern parts of the U.S., like Forks, Washington, do often suffer from vitamin D deficiencies because of the lack of sufficient sunlight, especially in the winter. Which of course, can lead to symptoms like extreme fatigue, rickets in children, or osteoporosis in adults. Fun!

“Oh, of course. Lingerie Law - that’s closely related to Bird Law, right?” If you're a citizen of the U.S., or simply visiting, it's important to be aware of one of the most widely recognized laws of our country - Bird Law.

"I looked in the mirror and felt a little bit like Bettie Page, it was empowering." Bettie Page is an icon and a badass. She was a woman with a college degree during the 1950's who made money owning her sexuality, like a boss, until she mysteriously disappeared at the end of the decade. Her image continued to garner interest and intrigue, becoming more popular over time. To find out what happened to Bettie, check out the article below - be forewarned that item #5 of this list of info re: Bettie's life requires a content warning for SA and affected mental health.

If you're interested in getting a more indepth look at her life, this is a more thorough account:

"It was an old school label maker. The really old kind that had a dial for the letters, and for each letter you had to squeeze the handle very tightly in order to get it to make an impression on the label tape." These are very cool. If you find them online, at a rummage sale, or a thrift shop, they're definitely worth picking up.

"Do not back down on my account. You know what Hal Sparks said, right?” A lot of people like to attribute the quote,"Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!" to Betty White. God knows I love her. But according to Snopes, even Betty admits she didn't say that.

The original person to essentially make the claim that pussy is tougher? Hal Sparks, so let's give credit where credit is due, and roll right into that funny man's clip!

“Good. Do not go gentle into that good night.” “I will not. I will rage until the dying of the light,” he said, still chuckling."

I know you know I know you know that we're quoting Dylan Thomas.

“All flowers have meanings. White orchids can be used to convey hope - new beginnings,” he raised his eyebrow as he looked at me." I was actually inspired to have Max be someone who is interested in the language of flowers, or floriography, because of a book / miniseries (based on the book) called, "The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart". It's an incredibly beautiful story, with strong female characters, that takes place in Australia. The subject matter is heavy, but somehow at the end, I found myself feeling lighter.

“My beautiful, midnight, Lunar Goddess.” I'm being a little bit facetious here. There is no specific lunar goddess to which Max is referring, except for OC/reader. Why? Because mythology is messy, and there is a lot of it. Greek and Roman mythology alone is a lot of different gods and goddesses having sex with other gods and goddesses, having children, breaking up, getting back together again, getting banished, abandoned, adopted. Both Selene (Greek) and Luna (Roman) enjoy driving their little chariots across the night sky, though. And that's a nice image to start with - but there are plenty of other mythologies left to explore, as well.

"He took the orchids, and reaching out, let them lightly drag down the crook of my neck and across my clavicle." This is a twist on a scene from the movie 40 Days & 40 Nights, however, as much as we all love Josh Hartnett, that movie is problematic for not recognizing that men can also experience SA - which is a bummer. When we know better, we do better (looking at you, Bridgerton.) A note: In this clip, Shannyn Sossamon says that you can tell that a relationship is real based on "the kiss" and that's all that really matters. Obviously, this is not true. There's a lot more to meaningful relationships outside of a great kiss. Hopefully, I will have demonstrated that through the actions taken and the conversations had by the characters in my own writing throughout the rest of this fic.

I highly recommend Cinema Therapy on YouTube for additional "homework", if you enjoy humor and breaking down what exactly makes a movie relationship non-sustainable from the perspective of a professional therapist and his best friend who's also a filmmaker - double analysis! Oh, lookey here! I have their analysis of Twilight queued right up for you! "I don't want my daughters anywhere near this - I want them watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

"...and used the other hand to pick up the jar that nearly caused the fall of the house of orchids, examining the label closely." The 'fall of the house of orchids' - get it? Like The Fall of the House of Usher? Both a short story by THE gothic poet and author Edgar Allen Poe, and the title piece of the recent adaptation of Poe's works into a miniseries by the fantastic Mike Flanagan. I highly encourage reading all of the stories and poems that Flanagan based the miniseries on AND watching the series. It's a mothereffin' feast for the soul.

"Using the spoon to apply the coconut oil to my free hand, I rubbed the oil between my hands to warm it up." Coconut oil as lube? Yes! Pros: it's safe, can last longer than other lubes, and is both antibacterial and antifungal. Cons: it can break latex condoms, cause allergic reactions, and potentially disrupt the pH of your vagina, possibly resulting in an infection for some people.

Is it worth it to try coconut oil as lube? Maybe. Depends on what you're using it for - perhaps something like what we used it for in our Max fanfic? Something I'm calling the "Peña Colada" in honor of our favorite Narco Agent. You know that's right. Shut your beautiful mouth and don't you dare argue with me, Peña.

"Then he pulled his pants and briefs off, leaving just his black business socks on." That's right. Aww, yeah. It's business time.

"After an elongated, awkward, Tina Belcher laugh, resistance was futile and I admitted the truth with a sing-songy, “Mayyy-beee.” Maybe you don't know what Bob's Burgers is - that's okay, I'm here to help.

"They have the most absolutely scrumtrulescent coxinhas,” sitting up, I started to get very excited, speaking with my hands," -- I don't have a specific recipe for these to share, but I have a picture, and that should be worth at least a few hundred words, eh?

“Okay - be real. You’re a vampire, you live forever, right?”  “Uh, yeah?” Max cautiously responded. “Are you actually going to go back to high school and graduate 25 times?” -- I'm referring to the audacity of this - THIS:

"Max, abruptly aware that I was sitting on, and therefore hogging heretofore named Sex Afghan, giggled as he looked down at me, smiling doe-eyed as I gave him the up-down and the ‘how you doin’?’" -- One gif:

“Yeah - thanks. That’s for you, slugger - no change.” I like to try and keep in line with Max's typical frame of speech and vocal affectations:

"...he held up his left hand, pointing to a silver ring on his middle finger."-- Attention to detail is my middle name. Check out his middle finger on his left hand. Not his ring finger - his middle finger. Interesting character choice, eh? I'm using it, it's part of my canon now:

“And the sixth sense? Dead people?” -- Maybe you need a refresher? Maybe you've never seen it? Let's remedy that with at least the trailer, huh?

"We continued our slow kiss, until the opening chords of House of the Rising Sun broke our focus and our calm." -- I chose House of the Rising Sun for a few reasons. The lyrics start:

There is a house in New Orleans They call the Rising Sun And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy And God, I know I'm one

We know that Max got his daylight ring in New Orleans, where the vampires have a deal worked out with the witches there. Did he make a deal with them that we need to worry about? Or is this about the regret, the ruin of becoming a vampire? Another part of the song goes:

Oh, mothers, tell your children Not to do what I have done Spend your lives in sin and misery In the House of the Rising Sun

Does Max feel the need to warn others away from vampirism - will he warn off OC/reader from the lifestyle, beg them not to choose it? Is there a lot of regret for him? Or is it a cheeky homage to his situation, warning people away from him specifically - the sinner in misery? Or is it the rising of the sun and returning to the daily doldrums of a pretend human life that keeps him in such a state? Hard to know, huh?

"In the warmth of your smile, I melt like wax rolling down the edge of a candle." -- Another original amateur poem, although this one was written independently of Max - I felt like it applied quite well, what say you?

And those are all of the Easter Eggs for this chapter!

Return to the Masterlist Here or, while you're waiting for chapter 4, be sure to check out my other fanfics: • Javi G. from The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Paddington 3: Lost in Mallorca. • A cheeky little one-off about Young Joel from The Last of Us in High Heat, Heavy Load.

Return to Chapter 3

[carusolikey]

The Blue Hour

a Max Phillips & Bloodsucking Bastards FanFic

Where were you, while we were getting our Easter Egg-high?

Return to Chapter 5 - Part 1

Continue to Chapter 5 - Part 2

Return to Masterlist!

Chapter 5, Part 1 - Time to sort out this bloody mess, eh?

First things first, let's just address the elephant in the room: "Where were you while we were getting high," is obviously from Champagne Supernova by Oasis, and I've gone and used a gif from their music video for Wonderwall like the true, playful little Puck that I am.

And no, I don't mean Puck from the third landmark season of MTV's The Real World -- Content Warning for the article below: Discussion of AIDS in early 90's U.S. and uninformed attitudes towards the disease; Puck is described as having NPD traits. (This season was also really important in terms of the AIDS crisis, showing the U.S. what the disease really was, and even providing an authentic queer love story - breaking barriers and providing many young people with a pop history LGBTQIA2S+ moment that stuck with them through Pedro Zamora, allowing many to feel - hopeful, seen, not alone, and so much more. Pedro's story, is something that deserves to be told over and over and over again.)

No, the Puck I'm referring to is from Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream (although I'm happy to have the excuse to bring up Pedro Zamora), but the version with Michelle Pfeiffer, where Stanley Tucci actually played the role of Puck - gird your loins!

Hahaha! I can't make stop making references, Ahndrea!

Also - hilarious that they refer to The Bard's work as a "rom-com" in this trailer. Michelle Pfeiffer's make-up is on point, though.

"I feel myself fading  like a mist, you see me, though - you walk right up to me, like I still exist." --

Another Caruso original poem. Who inspired it? Well, I suppose some secrets are meant to be taken to the crypt.

"Frodo was going to look like a fucking short king in this outfit, so help me." -- Wow - what's a short king? You might be asking yourself. They sound pretty cool. Don't you fucking worry - I got you on lock, kid. And they are. (Here's the TikTok version of the link for that international crowd, since SNL is apparently weird about sharing content.)

"He responded to my text with a gif of Jonah Hill saying ‘Okay’ over and over, which triggered my gag reflex..." Ah, yes. Jonah Hill - that piece of fuck shit-stain. Why? Well, let's examine the evidence via the texts to his former girlfriend, Sarah Brady. CW: Misuse of "therapy speak" for coercive emotional abuse.

And to balance that out - a fantastic article by Jezebel writer Kylie Cheung, exploring the issues within those texts:

If you or someone you know has been affected by current or previous experiences of toxic relationships, Chapter 4 included a special Easter Egg section with access to resources and support, which can be found below:

“It's a shame you don’t have a matching white hat and gloves, Vivi-annnnne.” I said to my reflection, trying to pronounce Pretty Woman’s name like Richard Gere did in the movie." -- Let's take a look, and see what exactly Richard Gere was up to:

"But ended up sounding a lot more like Hannibal Lecter, drawing out Clarice’s name - asking her what she saw, knowing full well it was the slaughtering of the spring lambs." -- You know what's coming, and if you don't - surprise!

And now, a wee article about whether or not Pretty Woman is feminist - for fun!

"And naturally, straight from a Portlandia episode - sporting a flannel shirt over a t-shirt advertising his brewery." -- I don't hate hipsters, but there's a certain type of fellow - you may have dated him, you may have not, who gets his water from a well, actually.

“Thanks. A little of this and that. Today I went to this little café –” -- I'm basing the café on a little place in Salem, MA called the Gulu Gulu Café, and they actually do have an Andes Mint Latte! It's delicious, and you can even get it boozed up, if you'd like. Should you ever find yourself in Salem, MA, definitely stop by - it's a great little spot.

"With my window wide open, Peter Gabriel began singing In Your Eyes, as I stood looking down at Max." -- This is a recreation of that moment from the movie Say Anything that Max talked about in Chapter 2 - how he'd always wanted to be the John Cusack character, standing outside with the boombox, playing Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes for someone that he cared about. Reversing the roles, this allows Max to be the one observed and serenaded. The intent is to demonstrate that Max, like many men, are not oblivious to romance, but capable and deserving of bold acts that show someone cares about them - it doesn't always have to fall on their shoulders. Relationships should be about equal effort. Okay, okay - finally, I'll show you the trailer.

"The quiet woosh of airy wings approached me so quickly, I had no time to react, Max was suddenly just there - next to me. A mask of red death coating his clothes as he looked down at me..." -- This description of Max is a reference to Edgar Allen Poe's The Masque of the Red Death (also featured in Mike Flanagan's The Fall of the House of Usher), can be read here:

“Can I kiss you?” I nodded.  “No. I need you to say it.” “Yes.” -- Consent isn't sexy. Consent is required. Please reconsider where your bar is for sexual relationships if "they asked instead of just taking" has become a turn-on, because you've experienced it so infrequently. It's not your fault - we all, collectively, need to set the bar higher. I'll share this again, for those in the back:

"Max giggled, furrowing his brows and shaking his head, “Nah. There was no way I was getting those blood stains out.”  -- How to get blood stains out for anyone who bleeds or vamps (salt + cold water tends to work really well because it's isotonic to blood):

“Hypnotism causes long term damage to the hypnotee every time you do it. I would never risk you getting the Brain Scramblies, or even worse the Purple Screaming Henries..." -- Did you want to see a visual graph of the hypnotism scale? Great. Here it is:

“Perfectly fitted and pressed button-up shirts with matching tie? Heat yo’self.” -- Wait a second - is that? Is that the BEST DAY OF THE YEARRRR?!

"I corrected Max, “It was Spider Monkey, and then he swung her on his back –” -- Did you not remember this and you needed to see it again? It's so real - prepare yourself, for a 100-year-old man in a teenage body, hanging out with an actual teenager, IN TREES - wheee, sexy grandpa daddy!

"I felt just like Elizabeth Bennet, when Darcy provided his hand for the first time and she was absolutely shocked by the kind gesture." -- Um, just for the sake of juxtaposing Twilight with a healthier relationship (I expect you all to have watched the assigned Twilight Cinema Therapy from one of the earlier chapter Easter Eggs) - prepare for goosebumps:

"It was hard for me to know if my brain was making an association with Twilight or Debussy’s Prélude à l'après-midi d'un faune." I've given you enough Twilight background. Let's listen to Debussy.

Holy schnikes, not again - there's more!

Due to Tumblr limitations, this batch of Easter Eggs has a little sidecar of additional Easter Eggs waiting for you in, you guessed it - Easter Eggs v. 5.1.2: Oops, I Did It Again. Return to the Masterlist Here or, while you're waiting for chapter 4, be sure to check out my other fanfics: • Javi G. from The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Paddington 3: Lost in Mallorca. • A cheeky little one-off about Young Joel from The Last of Us in High Heat, Heavy Load.

Return to Chapter 5, Part 1

Continue to Chapter 5, Part 2