#Patrician Wear

[notbecauseofvictories]

completely and entirely forgot that Vetinari and Carrot get together to gleefully "reward" Samuel Vimes and also ruin his blood pressure forever.

[krowbby]

Ankh-Morpork Dashboard Simulator

happy 40th anniversary everyone 🥳🥳

🌅peach-bi-street

who’s that watchman who’s kinda skrunkly

🐀↺riverrat Follow

helen. 

HELEN. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NOBBY NOBBS.

🌅↺peach-bi-street

oh yeah

#are you gonna look at me and tell me that im WRONG?

24 notes

🪙official-c.m.o.t.☑️☑️Sponsored with Blaze

C.M.O.T. Dibbler’s Escape The Room!!!!!

Newly opened in the Street of Cunning Artificers is an experience unlike any you’ve had before! Enter a room filled with secrets and mysteries which you must solve in order to escape! Great place to bring a date! Compete with other visitors for the fastest time to solve the room!

Show this ad at the front desk for a special deal of only one dollar per person, and that’s cuttin’ me own throat!!!

Dibbler Enterprises does not take any responsibility for any maiming, hot oil, buckets of snakes, or any other hazards guests may encounter in their visit.

#smallbusiness #ankhmorpork #ankhblr #deals

590 notes

🚹humantwitter Follow

4,981 notes

💌postal-service-top Follow

saw the postmaster today in his stupid gold suit. hes so hot

🌚↺lesbianbaker

i don’t get why people say this he’s the most average looking guy ever. his WIFE however

#you know that post that’s like ur at a lesbian bar and a hot older woman is smoking #and ur like. ‘can yuo put that out on me’ #yeah

120 notes

🥁evenmoremendeddrum Follow

do you guys think the patrician has a secret blog

🛤️↺makeyefret Follow

No, but I bet his secretary is on studyblr

🐶↺wufflesgirl Follow

are you kidding me the patrician is definitely on tumblr. brb committing treason so i can compliment his shoelaces

🥁↺evenmoremendeddrum Follow

peer-reviewed tags

#lord vetinari if ur reading this is legally a joke #wear an owl pin if ur one of us

🏚️↺ankhmorporkheritageposts Follow

Ankh-Morpork Heritage Post

1,074,228 notes

trainhoe-deactivated19890205

hot take but i kind of think the guild of assassins and thieves are problematic. like one of them you could ruin someone’s life and the other one you’re literally KILLING people. i know rich people are delusional but i can’t believe they literally think the best school for their kids is murder college.

🐲essential-dragons Follow

assassins got them

20,391 notes

[puckleberryfinnie]

What Is This Feeling?

summary: you're the one thing he can't have, but he'll do anything to get you anyway, fem!reader x emperor geta

notes: for (this) request, thank you so much for sending that in again, love you for that! this definitely will not be history or character accurate, but I know most of you are just here for the vibes so here's this for you <3 if anyone wants more of him, you're more than welcome to send something in, make sure to take a look at my holiday event too!

part two is finally here! yippee!

Geta had everything he could ever want- food, clothing, women. Many women. All the divine things of the world were his, and it pleased him to know as such. All of Rome was at his beck and call.

Now, despite his interest in expanding empires to new locations, he'd never found himself interested in the contents of these areas. It seemed illogical, when he had everything he wanted and much, much more already.

As the power of Rome grew, however, the time came for a delegation to be put into place. It would be built in order to generate alliances among other strong empires, much like their own. It wasn't something of much interest of Geta- he'd have to give them an audience at some point, he'd imagined, but any might greater than his own was simply unimaginable in his mind.

It wasn't surprising for the people of your empire to know you'd be headed off along with the rest of the delegation sent to Rome. They knew your adventurous nature, and with your three older brothers limiting your chance of leading one day, there was no true reason for you not to be sent off, if not just for the year you'd be gone. Your father, as emperor, was weary, of course.

"Venturing into harsher lands might calm your restless nature, which is something that must happen as you become an important figure to your people, dear. Besides, you'll be protected under the royal court of Rome in any regard, to be sure."

The trip had been troublesome, despite the amenities offered for a trip of so many noble people. It was truly its length that made it quite so unbearable, being over a week of slow travelling. Upon entering into your destination, however, your opinions on the matter immediately had been washed away by incoming fascination. Your empire had been fantastic in its own ways, of course, but this went beyond every notion of an idea you'd had for it. The streets were filled with excitement, and the people of the streets were beyond respectful, bowing their heads as you passed them.

Your fascination only grew as you came closer to the center of the land. There were buildings, each taller than the last and adorned with the most extraordinary pieces of decoration. Large, open areas housed groups of patricians, you were sure, wearing extravagant clothing that draped over their bodies perfectly. Their jewelry was even more extravagant, to be sure, shiny accessories adorning every finger and neck.

It's not that you weren't used to such lavishness, but your people had been less... open about it, in many regards. It was unlikely to find open rooms with expensive items on display as they had here. It's no matter, though. You'd fit in, to be sure. Your empire had sent you in their finest garments, matching these people's clothing perfectly fine.

The audience with this neighboring empire had been something of great discussion among the court of Rome. With the newest news coming in of the emperor's daughter visiting, the excitement only grew. There were stories, of course, of her people favoring her, for her beauty and kindness was a blessing for them. It intrigued Geta, in some regards. He'd expected old men and boring meetings discussing topics that he was not the least bit interested in. But a woman? He was indefinitely more interested in that.

Him and his brother were leaning lazily against their large thrones, women and men strew across them, vying for their attention. As your party entered, they both stayed in their position, watching disinterestedly, nodding as the people continued to enter.

It was customary that you entered last, in all your glory. You entered gracefully, all heads turned towards you, all in awe of your divine nature. Geta wasn't any exception as he immediately sat up straighter, trying to get a better look at you. As you stopped in front of them, dipping your head in respect, he continued to lean closer, eyes wide as they went over your features carefully.

"Thank you for your gracious invitation, emperors."

As your eyes rose to greet the twins, they immediately met Geta's. His own pair were watching your every movement, a interested glint in them unlike ever you'd ever seen in the eyes of a man. It caught you, making you freeze under his gaze. He slowly pushed off whoever had been on him, getting up as he slowly made his way towards you.

"The pleasure is all our own. I hope you know we've been anxiously awaiting you, my lady."

His eyebrows rose, anticipating your reaction. When you simply smiled, bowing your head once again in recognition before being carted away by your supervisors, he was beyond surprised. Any normal woman would've been flattered and flushing at his words, but you'd walked away with that calming nature still radiating.

His brother wasn't paying much attention, but that wasn't too much of surprise as Geta turned towards him, watching Caracalla place some grapes in his mouth as he looked off to the side. He turned back to your retreating form once more, shouting at you in order to get your attention.

"I hope you enjoy your stay, my lady. I'll be sure to call on you later."

You simply smiled once again, letting out a small laugh. "I'd appreciate that, Emperor. Thank you." You along with the rest of your party exited after a moment, exhausted after your long trip and in need of rest.

After you were long gone, likely softly sleeping in one of their more extravagant guest rooms, as Geta had imagined, he was approached by one of his many advisors, named Claudius. Claudius was one of the more brave council members, who would speak out against the emperors for the benefit of Rome. It was a surprise that his head hadn't been chopped off yet.

"I only want the best for your empire, Your Grace, and with such I must make it known that interacting with the daughter of such a powerful ruler has its risks. If word got out to the Emperor that you were treating her as you would with a common woman, it surely would bring their strong empire's wrath down unto our sacred land."

"You must have no faith in the glory of Rome, Claudius. Any attack on their part would be stopped immediately, you should know this."

"Since we've last spoken their forces have doubled in size, Your Grace. Do what you will, but we need to make sure this alliance goes as it's supposed to."

He was effectively being told 'no,' and he did not enjoy it at all. Everything in his life had been handed to him on a silver platter, so it went against his nature to not take what he wanted- in this case, that being you. His hands were clenched as he walked through the hallways, headed to his sleeping chambers.

You'd been headed back from your light sleep, hoping to find some sort of entertainment when a body had rammed at you at full speed, knocking you to the ground. There was the emperor, looking angrily at the figure underneath him. This angry look slowly faded as he realized it was you, turning into a devilish smile as he slowly pulled himself up, his hands resting on either side of your head.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, my lady. How have you found your stay so far?" He was vibrating with a sort of enticing energy, almost as though he was purring. It was rather strange, but you couldn't bring yourself to move, frozen once again in his gaze.

"Oh- well, this place is magnificent, Your Grace. It's truly wonderful to be here."

"Mm.. well I'm very glad you decided to come, you've made all this alliance work much more... interesting." He finally pulled himself off you, keeping his eyes glued to yours as he reached for your hand to pull you up with him in a sudden movement. "And you must call me Geta, princess." His hand held onto yours, subtly moving a thumb across its surface.

"Of course Y- Geta. And you shall call me by mine, yes?" Your calm nature had been broken, just as he'd hoped it would. His smile only grew at your flustered state.

"If that's what you'd like I'll faithfully oblige, though I do think Princess suits you much better. I'd do anything you asked of me, though, darling." With that he brought your hand to his face, keeping eye contact as he left a kiss on its back side.

To Hell with Rome. He got what he wanted, and he wanted you.

woah ok so I think this is the most I've every written, hopefully it was still a bit interesting for you guys! thank you so much for reading, and let me know if you want more stuff from him or anyone else in Gladiator (the obsession is crazy right noww) (also, wicked themed title to feed into another obsession don’t mind me)

if you guys want any more of this one, please let me know, I can even create a tag list if that interests anyone <3

love ya!!

[goalieflashflight]

Vimes:

You deserve a reward for putting up with me.

Sybil:

*smiles* You are my reward.

Moist:

(Not willing to be outdone) You deserve a reward for putting up with me.

Adora:

Yeah, you’re a real bitch sometimes.

Rincewind:

The path to inner peace starts with four words.

Rincewind:

Not my fucking problem.

Vimes getting a voice message from Sybil

Vimes imping back a text:

I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Sybil imping a text:

No, don’t worry dear, just listen later.

Vimes in his office later:

*Presses play on voice message* Sybil’s voice: PUT OUT THAT FIRE FOR GODS SAK…

Background noise: Their newest hire Emily screaming and young Sam laughing

Magrat:

Hey, Granny! I made you this friendship bracelet.

Granny Weatherwax:

I’m not a jewelry person.

Magrat:

Oh, well, that’s okay. You don’t have to wear it-

Granny Weatherwax:

No, I’m gonna wear it. Forever. Back off.

Vetinari: I never tell people right off the bat my sexuality.

Vetinari: I wait.

Vetinari: I wait until they say some homophobic shit

Vetinari: And then I laugh and I’m like “you know I’m queer, right?”

Vetinari: And watch the look of terror on their face.

Vimes:

This is bad.

Vimes:

This is really bad.

Angua:

What is it, sir?

Vimes:

I kissed the patrician.

Angua:

Woah. I owe Cheery so much money-

Nobby:

I wanna make one thing clear. You mess with Fred you mess with me.

Colon:

Yeah

Nobby:

Because we’re boys

Colon:

…Yeah.

Nobby:

We’re friends!

Colon:

Yeah!

Nobby:

We’re boyfriends!!

Colon:

Ye…No. No we’re not. You can’t say that-

Nobby:

We’re boys and we’re friends

Colon:

Yeah that’s better.

Nobby:

So we’re boyfriends.

Colon:

No-

[twasjane]

Discworld had a very BRITISH view of sex, in that it's mostly something to snigger about, but it's also a pretty ordinary thing in people's lives. We're a deeply repressed island, it explains so much about us, but we are also an island of freaks- we just bury that deep inside. Arf arf.

SEE. SEE THAT. THAT'S WHAT BEING BRITISH DOES TO YOU.

Anyway. The way this manifests in Discworld is fascinating to me.

Ankh Morpork has a condom factory. The slang term for them is "rubber wallies" or "sonkies" because they're named after the man who invented them- Wallace Sonky.

There's sex shops, selling fetish wear. The man who owned the shop ran for the office of Patrician. There are fetish catalogues.

There's sex toys. Wind up clockwork ones.

There are shops catering to hen nights complete with amusing inflatable dicks.

There's not a lot of sex in the books themselves, but you get the impression it happens a lot outside the story.

Discworld always feels lived in, feels like a place that keeps going when you stop reading about it. The fact there's condoms, sex shops and fetish wear just adds to that feeling in a way that's both funny, deeply realistic and yet... Oddly wholesome? In a way I can't explain?

[aloysiavirgata]

She walks in beauty, like the night

Scully in the simplest, blackest silk. Scully pale, moon-kissed, vulnerable. Scully’s hair and eyes like where the stars are born.

***

Scully comes to him when even the moon is all but asleep, like a single calla lily from a secret admirer. Unbidden. Unexpected.

Unparalleled.

“Mulder,” she says, outside his open door, in a negligee that last shade of sky blue before it goes pitch black.

Spaghetti straps and a low décolletage, though not shockingly low. Lace trim, mid thigh. It looks like something Katharine Hepburn would wear to slap you.

Not you. Him.

Specifically him.

She looks up at him through her heavy-lashed, heavy-lidded eyes.

He stares at her for his own sake because deep in his 12 year old heart, no one would ever, ever, believe that nerdy Fox Muld-

Scully takes another step closer onto the sad oatmeal carpet of his hotel room. She has such pretty ankles, she has such pretty calves. She smells like honeysuckle and hot bike tires and buttery lobster rolls and the sweetest, purest moments of his life.

She tips her face up to him, Agent Scully does, all eyes and lips and cheekbones like a geometric proof.

“God,” he says. And he means it.

***

LA belongs to the sun and Scully is a San Diego baby but he knows, he knows, she is an East Coast girl at heart. He knows she loves the first retinal purple-orange sunrises of America and the first sapphire kisses of night. He knows she loves the stars by which her father learned to navigate. He knows she loves the distant moon.

He knows she loves blue crabs and wool duffel coats and khaki shorts and aspires to East Hampton in her most secret, silent heart.

One day he will make love to her in London because she will, he knows, hark to the call of the City. She is a creature of old stone and lichen and liminal space.

She is the answer to Samson’s riddle.

***

He’d rented a jet black ‘57 Chevy Bel Air because Christ, this girl. Abductions and cancer and the most awful brutality and stolen ova and Christ; this brilliant, moonbeam girl.

She sees the car and she says nothing. But her eyes, her eyes. Her Star of India eyes.

Scully sees the car and she smiles, shy. Scully squeezes his hand.

***

He fucks her - hard, desperate - in the Chevy out over Mullholland and she cries out for him because even Saint Teresa writhed in ecstasy.

He kisses her the way a mariner kisses his homeland soil because she is his human credential. He kisses her like a Torah scroll. He shudders, murmurs I love you, I love you into the hot, sweet dark of her mouth.

***

She is bleeding, just a little. She is bleeding in the warm caress of a Southern California night. She is bleeding as though she were a virgin and maybe she is; maybe there is sex and there is fucking and there is making love and there is This.

Are you there, god? It’s me, Dana.

She touches his sleeping rosebud lips. She touches his funny nose and his beautiful jaw and she doesn’t say I love you aloud like he had because she’d learned it was shameful. She’d learned to salute.

But it’s 3 AM, neither properly morning nor properly night. It’s 3 AM and she isn’t LA pretty, not by a long shot, but she’s here with him, with Mulder, who is very LA pretty and has money besides.

She’s too short and too pale and her nose is patrician rather than cute and she gets burnt instead of tan. She doesn’t laugh in the right places at movies. She likes copper because it burns green, she likes moths more than butterflies, she can quote Jane Austen’s most acerbic lines.

She thinks of Mulder swimming hard across the Vineyard tides, Mulder with his cinnamon skin in the whipped cream breakers. Riding a red fixed-gear along Lake Tashmoo, tugging his tiny sister along. Mulder basking on the beach like a young god of summer. Mulder with his heart afire like Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque.

Her father is dead and look, look Mulder has such a tender soul even if he’s Jewish and atheist, Daddy. Mulder has eyes like fern moss.

“I love you,” she says, her eyes brimming with tears, her eyes bright as the newest stars.

[ansatsu-sha]

You need a special kind of mind to rule a city like Ankh-Morpork, and Lord Vetinari had it. While other lords dined on larks stuffed with peacocks' tongues, Lord Vetinari considered that a glass of boiled water and half a slice of dry bread was an elegant sufficiency.

The Patrician apparently spent his evenings studying reports and, on special occasions, if he could stand the excitement, playing chess. He wore black a lot. It wasn't a particularly impressive black, such as the best assassins wore, but the sober, slightly shabby black of a man who doesn't want to waste time in the mornings wondering what to wear.

But he was popular, in a way. Under his hand, for the first time in a thousand years, Ankh-Morpork operated. It might not be fair or just or particularly democratic, but it worked.

Terry Pratchett / Guards! Guards!

[homestuckreplay]

rose lalonde about NRUB'YIGLITH, SHAMEBEAST KING OF GROTESQUERY: i can fix him

(page 296-306, but also just some general thoughts?)

I'm being so normal about this comic casually dropping the three best characters we've seen so far on three consecutive pages. Fluthlu, Nrub'yiglith and Oglogoth are all sick as hell. They have eyes and mouths in completely normal numbers and positions. Their line of Hot Topic clothes would sell out in minutes. I can feel my bones begin to bubble and crack just thinking about them. I cannot wait for Rose to ill-advisedly summon them.

Page 297 is INCREDIBLE with its tantalizing idea that the strife specibus was briefly a conduit for unfathomable cosmic entities. The red splattered black background is similar to the one on the blood spade page - could be a coincidence, but I have been waiting for that page to get folded back into the story. This moment of temptation combined with TG insisting the strife specibus is a permanent allocation makes me think Rose will allocate the grimoire at some future time, its dark powers able to overcome the specibus' normal rules.

On page 305, we learn that Rose is confused by a page in the grimoire depicting several windows - two fairly standard windows from mass produced public buildings, two fancy stained glass windows, and a third normal looking window that's electronic, and plugs into the wall. But surely an electronic window is just a computer? Like how we're looking at the comic through a browser window, or how the apparatus the Vagabond found (linked from page 271) has a four square pattern reminiscent of a window? And since the page relates to 'summoning practices', does that mean these zoologically dubious creatures can be summoned through a computer? Through Sburb?

I'm back on my psychoanalysis bullshit with Rose but to be fair, she started it. I think the reason she likes to write is because it's so much easier for her to carry herself off as cool and collected in words than any other way. She's mastered hiding her flaws in considered writing but not so much in the moment. Thinking about the authority and certainty in her GameFAQs compared to her 'arghs' in her messages to John. Thinking about her 'I think they are elegant' regarding the tree modus compared to her scattering her prized possessions over the observatory. Thinking about her creative writing journals as unfinished thoughts and Rose as a perfectionist who will show things to people, but only on her terms. The point? Stack modus isn't looking so bad now.

I've also been thinking about Rose being framed as Dark John. This is partly because her panels are literally shaded gray while John's are bright white (I know it's dark where she is, but it still affects the tone of her pages) and partly because of her putting on an act to seem dark and mysterious vs John putting on an act by wearing a CLEVER DISGUISE and having a food fight with his dad but most importantly, John having a favorite monster on his shirt (friendly grinning alien who loves food and helping the people of New York) vs Rose having a favorite monster on her shirt (foul patrician of misery whose mammoth belly gurgle brings the Epoch of Joy to an abrupt end).

Finally, I'm thinking about the Small Scale Adventure and the tiny video game fetch quests John and Rose keep being sent on. In a story of imminent apocalypse via procedurally generated meteors, the fact that Rose's current mission is to go get the backup generator from the yard feels so mundane and so grounded. Something about the tiny parts that make up the whole, the cosmic insignificance but also vital importance of each individual's role in a much bigger system.

Basically, I think Homestuck's good. Pretty cool that it just hit 300 pages, here's to 300 more!

[sunsetconcert]

“But if [the King] is a good man—” Carrot began. "What? What? Okay. Okay, let's believe he's a good man. But his second-in-command - is he a good man too? You'd better hope so. Because he's the supreme ruler too, in the name of the king. And the rest of the court, they've got to be good men. Because if just one of them's a bad man, the result is bribery and patronage. "The Patrician's a supreme ruler," Carrot pointed out. "But he doesn't wear a crown or sit on a throne and he doesn't tell you that it's right that he should rule," said Vimes. "I hate the bastard. But he's honest. Honest like a corkscrew." "Even so, a good man as king--" "Yes? And then what? Royalty pollutes people's minds, boy. Honest men start bowing and bobbing just because somebody's grandad was a bigger murdering bastard than theirs was. Listen! We probably had good kings, once! But kings breed other kings! And blood tells, and you end up with a bunch of arrogant murdering bastards! Chopping off queens' heads and fighting their cousins every five minutes! And we had centuries of that! And then one day, a man said 'No More Kings!' and we rose up and we fought the bloody nobles and we dragged the king off his throne and we dragged him into Sator Square and we chopped his bloody head off! Job well done!"

picture unrelated

[foursaints]

I NEEEEEEEDDDD your Regulus Black hcs. What is he like in your head??? Is he a perfectionist???? Is he downright insane?????? Which Sturniolo brother is he????? I need details on EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

omg to start im not really a Regulus Blogger... i love him ofc but hes usually only in the background to my rosekiller. and i love all the regulus characterizations i read (more than my own sometimes tbh)

my controversial take is that my reggie is tall 😔..... he's small growing up but now he's the same height as James. who has a sort of furious, lustful conniption every time he wants to make a snide comment and remembers that The Baby Black is now a perfectly grown 20-something with unimpressed eyes and the world's unfairest aristocratic jawline

he and sirius both have that ethereal, feylike house-black thing going on, except sirius is prettier and more striking and softer and more girlish. like snow white. regulus looks every part the conventional pureblood heir: dark and austerely handsome and fine-boned and patrician. the thickest eyelashes.

undisputed leader of his friend group but not on purpose. reggie sees himself as this unappealing boring loser (the opposite of sirius) but he just has this? ineffable main-character thrall? once he's in your life you just want to die for him

he didnt mean to have the skittles but reggie can't help collecting outcasts & freaks like hes putting easter eggs in a basket. they really love each other but sometimes i see the slytherins as being a far more exaggerated version of the marauders perceived "roles": regulus as james (undisputed leader), barty as sirius (sexy ride-or-die), rosier twins as remus & peter ("nerds" 1 & 2)

very very tender and sensitive. perhaps more so than sirius

my reg is fastidious and organized and ALLEGEDLY an insane compulsive control freak like evan rosier. he has repressed every emotion he's felt for the last two decades under a cooly unbothered facade. except the difference is evan never slips up and regulus is having hysterical meltdowns into $5 chili's bottomless margaritas at least a couple times a month.

like he's eating a pint of ice cream alone in his car scream-sobbing to Since U Been Gone after he broke up with barty for the 800th time. #evanwouldnever

much love and respect to grumpy emo regulus but that is not my reggie... my reg is an posh antisocial City Gay drinking an extra dry martini at a gallery opening on the upper east side and scowling. wearing a fuzzy cream sweater and $800 loafers with no socks. his back hurts and he wants to go home

i fully believe he could survive being dropped in the alaskan wilderness with 0 supplies he just seems like he'd do whatever it takes to Survive etc. just like crafting a spear with the most "it is what it is" look in his eyes. wouldn't even faze him.

my modern au regulus works running one of those little stuffed animal hospitals repairing teddy bears and thats really important to me, personally,

[liefdesleven]

Hi my name is Lord Havelock Vetinari and I am the tyrant of Ankh-Morpork (that’s how I got my name) with cunty politics and a lot of people tell me I look like a predatory flamingo (AN: if that could exist!). I’m not related to king lorenzo the Kind but I wish I was so Vimes would fight me (hot!). I’m not a vampire but im not not a vampire. I’m the Patrician, and I live in the Patrician's Palace, where I’m mostly in the Oblong Office (i love spreadsheets). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear only black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a long black robe with a long black undershirt and long black trousers. I was taking my carriage. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about, so my black on black coat of arms blended in even more. A lot of powerful people stared at me. I raised my eyebrow at them and told them dont let me detain you.

[helenvader]

The Patrician being The Ultimate Troll(TM).

--

The crowds moved aside as Lord Vetinari walked along the quay, with Nobby and Colon behind him. At least, if it wasn’t Sergeant Colon it was a very strangely deformed camel.

‘I think I caught quite a lot of that, commander,’ said Lord Vetinari. ‘Please do your duty.’

‘All you’ve got to do is to go to the palace, sir. Let’s—’

‘You’re not going to handcuff me?’

Vimes’s mouth dropped open. ‘Why should I do that?’

‘Treason is very nearly the ultimate crime, Sir Samuel. I think I should demand handcuffs.’

‘All right, if you insist.’ Vimes nodded at Dorfl. ‘Cuff him, then.’

‘You haven’t any shackles, by any chance?’ said Lord Vetinari, as Dorfl produced a pair of handcuffs. ‘We may as well do this thing properly—’

‘No. We don’t have any shackles.’

‘I was only trying to help, Sir Samuel. Shall we be going?’

The crowd weren’t jeering. That was almost frightening. They were just waiting, like an audience watching to see how the trick was going to be done. They parted again as the Patrician headed towards the centre of the city. He stopped and turned.

‘What was the other thing … oh yes, I don’t have to be dragged on a hurdle, do I?’

‘Only if you’re actually executed, my lord,’ said Carrot, cheerfully. ‘Traditionally, traitors are dragged to their place of execution on a hurdle. And then you’re hung, drawn and quartered.’ Carrot looked embarrassed. ‘I know about the hanging and quartering but I’m not sure how you’re drawn, sir.’

‘Are you any good with a pencil, captain?’ said Lord Vetinari innocently. ‘

No, he’s not!’ said Vimes.

‘Do you actually have a hurdle?’

‘No!’ snapped Vimes.

‘Oh? Well, I believe there’s a sports equipment shop in Sheer Street. Just in case, Sir Samuel.’

--

The Rats Chamber was crowded. Guild leaders were entitled to be there, but there were plenty of other people who considered they had a right to be in at the death too. There were even some of the senior wizards. Everyone wanted to be able to say to their grandchildren ‘I was there.’

‘I feel certain I ought to be wearing more chains,’ said Vetinari, as they paused in the doorway and looked at the assembled crowd.

‘Are you taking this seriously, sir?’ said Vimes.

‘Incredibly seriously, commander, I assure you. But if by some chance I survive, I authorize you to buy some shackles. We must learn to do this sort of thing properly.’

‘I shall keep them handy, I assure you.’

‘Good.’

The Patrician nodded at Lord Rust, who was flanked by Mr Boggis and Lord Downey.

‘Good morning,’ he said. ‘Can we make this quick? It’s going to be a busy day.’

--

Someone nudged him.

‘’s us, sir,’ said Nobby. ‘They said they didn’t have any hurdles but they do a ping-pong table for ten dollars. There’s a small trampoline we could drag him on but sarge thinks that’d be a bit ridiculous.’

[catominor]

do you have a post where you explain your fic’s plot ? i’d love to know more

I do! But it's pretty old at this point so i will re explain it in a shorter format for anyone new...

Basically it's about my two characters, lucius furius camillus and gaius martinus, and their beautiful journey through the political world of the horrible late roman republic (the main part of the story is set c. 70s bce). basically, they are both aspiring to the consulship but martinus doesn't have a lot of political clout with the elite of rome (he's a plebeian new man and got into politics through the military) and lfc is broke. because martinus is very rich, and lfc is a patrician with a fancy name (he's a descendant of a famous heroic figure of the early republic) who's known for being conservative, they can both kind of give each other what they need through working together politically. but through that process they become very good friends ... and more :)

and that's as much of the plot as i will reveal (and as much of it is set in stone really tbh)

other important characters:

lfc's family includes his wife, caecilia (with whom he has a very complicated relationship), his adopted son quinctilianus (who lfc hates. but he has to have an heir and could not produce one naturally. so. caecilia and him have a good relationship though.), his sister furia (who hates him for good reason), the ghost of his dead brother marcus (who he misses very much), the ghost of his dead father marcus (who hated him for no reason), and his doctor nikostratos (whose patience with him is wearing thin. because of his endless complaints and because lfc won't free him).

martinus' family includes his wife poppaea (who he loves dearly), his seven young sons gaius, marcus, titus, gnaeus, quintus, sextus, and spurius (who he is a beautifully absent father to), his father in law quintus poppaeus (who he likes very much), and his younger brother (a very new addition who i haven't figured out much about yet...). There's also his military tribune/part time lover marcus mettius and his pet poet publius canuleius too.

[wolfawaycamp]

Anything Bobby/Jacob. Please. I am so tired of paddling my rarepair pool noodle alone in the Quarry pond.

Maybe set when Bobby has to get him down from the trap? I am begging 🙏

🌦️ the monkey’s paw curls. I wrote bobbyjake :)

Jacobus seethed from inside his family’s private box at the Amphitheatrum Flavium. He wished his family never found out he was really an omega, not a beta like he had been pretending to be when he first presented. The patrician class always spoke of male omegas as a gift, as great politicians and orators who could continue the family line without doubt of relation. But male omegas were banned from the military and his best friend Nicolus Furcillus— an equestrian family, not a patrician like Jacobus— had enlisted to fulfil his proper duties as a Roman vir. Jacobus just missed his best friend. He wasn't even very good at being a politician, either— he’d do better in battle, wearing lorica segmentata alongside his comrades.

The venationes were pretty dull today, he thought. Not even the more exotic animals they kept bringing out for the fights made it exciting. He couldn't leave though, for the same reason he had to attend. He needed to keep his public image up if he wanted any chance of keeping his political career afloat now that he was moving into his twenties as an unmated omega.

Then they brought the wolves out and there was a man with rippling muscles exposed for all to see— and a hat Jacobus had never seen before. He had no weapons. Jacobus was immediately intrigued.

There was a bizarre art to the brutality of his fighting style— tearing right through wild wolves like they were nothing. He had to be an alpha. Jacob felt a pang of jealousy at the status he held, even though it was ridiculous because Jacob was in the patrician class and the man was down there. Finally, something interesting.

“Serve, quis est?” Jacobus asked his maid once he took himself out of his trance. (Slave, who is he?)

“Nomen ei est Bobbius Hackettus,” his maid responded quickly. (His name is Bobby Hackett.)

“Quid? Ignobiles— isti Hacketti?” (What? The dishonoured— those Hacketts?)

“Sic. Pugnat ut reddat debita pro familia eius.” (Yes. He fights to pay debts for his family.)

Bobbius was still fighting, still going, dripping with blood. Jacobus had to meet him. After Bobbius had finished, Jacobus decided to slip away from his box— surely no one would question a quick break. He bribed his way into the hunter’s quarters easily with his patrician status and money. They barely cared at all, but when presented with a couple sesterces that care went down to none.

“Hackette!” Jacobus called out upon seeing the familiar rippling back muscles, mid cleaning himself with olive oil. There was still a lot of blood on him. (Hackett!)

“Quis est?” the man asked, turning around. He looked a lot more… innocent up close, somehow. There was a softness in his eyes. (Who is it?)

But still… Jacobus wasn't used to being so much smaller than someone, even alphas— he had always been a tall omega. It felt a little scary, considering the man was cleaning wolf blood from his body— but something deep inside him was preening at the thought of the size difference.

“Jacobus Custo. Pugnabas bene,” he asked awkwardly. He didn't know what he was doing down here, he was running on pure adrenaline. (Jacob Custos. You were fighting well.)

“Bene facis— pugnas?” Bobbius responded, giving him a nod. Jacobus couldn't keep his eyes off the oil and blood on his chest shining in the torchlit room. (Thank you— you fight?)

Jacobus felt shame run through him, which he was sure Bobbius could smell in the pheromones he had suddenly lost control of. “Minime. Vetitus est— sum… omega.” (Nope. It is forbidden— I am… an omega.)

🌦️(if my Latin is wrong it's not my fault, I am sick xoxo)

[somehow-back-on-gallifrey]

I've seen some interesting takes on roasting the various Chapters of the Gallifreyan Academy....

Here are my favorites.... Yes I know who I swiped some of them from. They decided to believe that it slander and now they can stay salty.

Upper Triad

Oh look, it's all a political prowess of Gallifrey and absolutely none of the chill. These are the chapters everyone hears about and for good reason, they got all of the political power. Unfortunately for everyone they also got absolutely no chill and tend to be a little on the extra side.

Prydonians

This is definitely the chapter of the single person debate teams. They absolutely also did create a 15-page cited paper on why your opinion is trash and will show it to you without you asking. This is the political science group and they are as smart and cunning as they are extra, I'm pretty sure this is why this chapter creates more Lord Presidents and Renegades than any other. The chapter colors are Scarlet and burnt orange, just like the planet. Lord Rassilon founded this chapter and I'm certain he's just down for this.

Arcalians

This chapter will absolutely go poke it with a stick to see what happens. The curious and science loving group. These nerds and their Patrexes homies Are absolutely the ones creating and running the experiments. Arcaleans though me not have the most practical experiments and are probably just curious. Yes, that is a watermelon full of c4 and no, you do not get to ask why..... Colors are green and brown and I could get them lost in a forest on Earth, not that the founders Lord Omega would be there (hint - he's still in the lab with the Techs).

Patrexean

There is so much glitter in This description. This is the engineering, music and artistic group. They absolutely produce some of the most practical things on the planet and some of the most absolutely jaw-droppingly bizarre. I am quite certain that they would be the group 100% cheering on the guy who did a series of overly engineered glitter bombs for porch pirates. The colors they ended up with are heliotrope and yellow and nothing will convince me that this was not part of a prank where the other decided they were going to melt Lord Rassilon's eyes out of his head. I am quite certain it worked and now we all get to look at it.

Lower Triad

Oh look, I found all of gallifrey's chill.... In the lower Triad. Go figure, heat does rise and chill. Things do tend to sink unless it's ice.

Dromeian

Everybody's favorite group of archaeologists and librarians. Don't piss them off, they will never forget it and it will live on in archives forever... Essentially. This extraordinarily goth looking group was founded by Patrician Aperion and they are probably completely finished with everybody's bullshit. A tendency to wear spiky boots, and the chapter colors being nothing but grays is not helping. At least this chapter has the record sorted and potentially at least one spray bottle for when over enthusiastic academy student is overstating their welcome.

Cerulean

This would be everybody's favorite group of hippie nerds. It's like solar punk became an entire chapter and they dress in nothing but blue. Lady Lasluine is most likely the one that kept everyone from absolutely demolishing each other. I am very certain it is the Cerulean chapter that makes sure that snacks are available for everyone and that people actually eat and sleep. There's nothing like a bunch of hyper focused nerds who forget that sleeping and eating is actually necessary. For what this group likes and political power, they definitely know how to network and socialize.

Scendeles

Gallifrey's favorite group of blessed little math nerds. Honestly, this is the chillest group of people you will ever meet, they just vibe... Very consistently. Somehow the chapter that probably manages everybody's checkbook also has the least political power. I am pretty sure that they are all also music nerds as the Venn diagram between music, nerds and math nerds tends to be less of a then diagram and more of a slightly out of focus circle. Patrician Pandak started this chapter and I refuse to believe that they bankrupt themselves, however, I somehow managed to believe that their founder can read lips and likes heavy metal.

The only criticism I really want right now is if I spelled someone's name wrong.... Or if you have a good argument on if I got the first two chapters in the lower Triad backwards.... That is the only one I'm uncertain about.

[enlitment]

asking you your top-5 anything: ok this might not come in list form, but what 5 things do you like the most about Catullus?

Hi, first of all thanks so much for the interesting ask and so sorry for taking forever to answer it!

(obligatory am not a classicist, just an enthusiast. I also sadly can't really speak Latin, so take anything I say here with a grain of salt)

1. The sheer variety of his poems

Are you looking for a poem describing a fun playful banter between friends? A tender love poem? A poem about stolen napkins? An epic poem inspired by Greek mythology that is so beautiful and haunting that it shakes you to your core?

Or perhaps a poem so obscene that it wasn't allowed to be published in most of the English anthologies until relatively recently?

No matter your taste or mood, Catullus has got you covered!

2. There's a feminine aspect to his poetry

The understanding of gender and sexuality in Ancient Rome is hands down one of my favourite subjects, and Catullus' poems give you a great insight into them if you read between the lines.

You could for instance read C 16 as an inherent testimony to the fragility of Roman masculinity (seeing it as an attempt to re-establish his masculinity after he's been criticised for writing 'unmanly' love poems).

But what I especially appreciate is his ability to take on the female perspective. There's the fact that he was a big fan of Sappho's poetry (as evidenced by him calling his partner 'Lesbia' and by his (beautiful!) reimagination of one of her most famous poems) or the fact that he was able to draw parallels between his and Ariadne's pain stemming from feeling betrayed by a former lover.

(I'm also kind of here for the interpretation of Lesbia's sparrow poem as an example of some kind of Pseudo-Freudian clit-neid...)

3. His brutal honesty/ him just wearing his heart on his sleeve in his writing

It just seems he had no filter whatsoever, so reading his poems is this incredibly raw, often times bizarre experience.

But to me, it demonstrates that even though our society has obviously changed quite a lot over the 2000 years that separate us from him, a lot of things that remained the same - the petty jealousies, ambivalent feelings after a breakup, but also the pure joy one feels after spending time with their friends and loved ones

4. His use of language and imagery

More evidence in my previous post. It just sounds so beautiful at times? Plus it often alludes to Greek/Roman mythology in really interesting ways. I'm sure reading the original would make it sound even better, but I'm personally a sucker for the Czech translation as well.

5. He was ahead of his time! (You could say he was a romantic poet almost 2000 years before it was cool...)

Again, by no means an expert of this, but I think you could definitely say he paved the way for some of the latter great Latin poets, like Ovid,

Some aspects of his poems to Lesbia also remind me of the courtly love poetry from the middle ages: the poet's desperate pining after a lady of a higher class - which Clodia, as a patrician woman married to a consul, undoubtedly was. There's of course the important difference that she has been... previously attained, to speak in the annoyingly gendered language of medieval poetry - but alas, no more Catullus!

But to me, he was most of all a forerunner to the romantic poets like Byron or Shelley! The talent, the scandals, the rejection of societal norms (like the fact that he didn't really seem to be too interested in a career in politics or the military which were essentially the two things a respectable Roman man was supposed to take interest in), as well as the homoeroticism of it all (in his case indisputable, re: his poems to Iuventius)...

Hope that covers it! Thanks again for the ask and giving me a chance to rant!