#Partners in Kryme | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sardonic-the-writer · 1 year

Text

𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

↳ summary: you befriend a cat and somehow end up having to save new york in the process. or; a reader insert of season two episode twelve, of rats and men

↳ warnings: some mentions of violence, and one slight sexual innuendo

↳ notes: part two to this tmnt series that i'm doing. reader is autistic and a bitch. again, it can be read as a stand alone, but it's more enjoyable if you read these in order. once again, mainly a reader insert with a slight lean to a budding relationship between donnie & reader. can be with any other turtle if you want

↳ song: turtle power—partners in kryme

part one | next part | masterlist! | commissions! | carrd

"I know they said that pizza was gluten free, but I definitely tasted gluten."

The cold wind of a New York afternoon nipped at your heels as you meandered down the sidewalk, three figures in tow. Rocks and stray bits of litter dotted the crooked sidewalk, occasionally brushing an untied shoestring of yours.

It was the weekend. A time when school was at the back of your mind and pizza in the front. You had been called up by April this morning whilst lounging in bed, a sense of urgency in her voice as she invited you out with her and Casey for lunch. From the sound of it, she had been asked on a not-date-date again and was relying on you to break the ice. And since you were such a good friend, you changed out of your ratty pajamas to catch up, cursing teenage love under your breath all the way.

It was only after pulling up to Antonio's with a blank expression that you'd saw Irma loitering outside at the same time, tossing a limp wave to her as you both headed in to join your collective friends. Predictably, Casey hadn't been very happy to see either of you, and you responded by politely sticking him with the bill.

Now the four of you were walking aimlessly. Not in the direction of anyone's apartment, which was to assume that you knew where Irma lived. Which you didn't. You weren't sure you were on that level of friendship with her; or any level of friendship really.

Caseys bike ached and creaked with age as he pushed it along beside him. Occasionally you'd find yourself looking back at it, as if expecting it to fall to pieces at any moment. You wonder how long he'd had it for; and why he insited on bringing it along with him if he thought this would have been a romantic getaway. Maybe he was hoping to go on a couples ride or something. The thought of it made you smile wryly.

"Thanks for hanging out with us on our date, Irma." Casey cleared his throat, sending a dry look the purple haired girls way. "We really needed a chaperone."

At that last bit he sent a pointed look April's way, who whistled as she pretended to hear nothing.

"Anything I can do to help." Irma responded, nonplussed.

"Who said that was supposed to be a date, Jones?" You questioned whilst playing with your hoodie strings. "Pretty sure I heard April call it a hang out when she asked me to come."

You heard the squeak of his bike hesitate before continuing, most likely taking your words with a grain of salt.

He might have responded to your poking with some of his own, if a sudden shadow hadn't darted out onto the sidewalk, stopping Casey dead in his tracks.

The beady red eyes of a rat stared curiously at you all as the hockey player jumped three feet in the air, immediately pushing his bike out in front of him as a makeshift barrier. It skittered off once deciding you weren't of any use, dissapearing down a sewer drain.

"I can't belive someone as big as you is afraid of a little rat!" Irma smirked. Or smiled. You could never tell with her. Casey just frowned in response, looking a little embarrassed.

"Well I can't belive that rat was afraid of this adorable kitty!" April kneeled to the ground inbetween Casey and Irma's bickering, picking up a mangy tabby that looked like it had seen better days. It yowled a little at her touch, squirming uncomfortably. You hadn't seen the animal before, but now there was no doubt in your mind that that's what the rat was running from.

"Give it here." You held your hand out to April, then hesitated and repeated yourself in a more softer tone. She looked at the cat and then you before shrugging, handing it over.

Immediately after securing your hold, you picked it up by the scruff. It's fussing ceased, and you took the moment to run a hand down it's neck, all the way to the back of it's tail. After a moment or two, it began to purr like a well oiled machine, leaning into you.

"Wow! You're really good with animals." April awed with her hands clasped.

"Not really. Raph tried to kill me when I first met him." You offhandedly mentioned, still running a concentrated hand down the cats back.

"Who's Raph? Is that your dog?"

You stilled as Casey and April exchanged nervous looks. No one answered Irma's question for a second, surely garnering suspicion from the fourth party.

"Uh, sure Irma. My dog."

"Hm." She pushed her glasses up and squinted at you. "What breed is he?"

You blinked. Your hand came down on the cat a bit harsher this time, resulting in a hiss to sound.

"He's a poodle!" April cut in. "Now can we get a move on? It's getting kind of cold." She looked happy to change the subject, even faking a shiver for effect.

"Sure. Your place this time April?" Irma said as she smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles along her skirt.

"Actually, I was hoping me and Red here could head off. You know. Alone." Casey slung an arm around April with a less than genuine gap toothed smile.

"If alone means with me and April, then yeah." You didn't miss the way April tossed you thankful look as you spoke. "We've got to find some place for this cat, and I'm not exactly fond of bringing it home to my parents. They've already got their hands full with, er, Raph."

Irma stared at you all unimpressed. April tossed her a sheepish smile while hopping on the back of Casey's bike; the former looking happy at the premise of her holding his waist. You just rolled your eyes.

"Sure. I'll walk beside you guys. No biggie."

"Hey, did you want to be the one to hold onto Casey's back?"

"Nevermind. Carry on."

The three of you parted from Irma, tossing seperate waves of your own back at the girl as she grew farther away. Her deadpan look never once faded.

"So. We're all thinking of bringing this to the guys, right?"

April and you nodded at Casey, immediately steering towards the closest alleyway as soon as Irma could no longer be seen. The cat stiffened in your arms at the change in scenery. With a gentle whisper to settle down, you scratched behind its ears. A cough was the thing to break you out of the little trance.

"Having fun you two?" Casey said smugly. You glared at him as he parked his bike and leaned it against an alley wall.

"Stuff it, Jones." You flipped him off the best you could with a cat in your arms, starting forward to where April was wrestling with the manhole.

None of you heard the distant scream as you slid the cover open, sliping into total darkness.

You had come to expect an overwhelming greeting anytime you showed up.

Mikey launched himself out of Donnie's lab the second he'd heard your voice. Nevermind that you were talking with Leo, nodding your approval at the showing of Space Heros on TV. You weren't even sure that Mikey registered that. Once he had his sights set on something, he was like a missile. A very loud very playful missile.

No sooner than stepping a foot into the living room, you were tackled with a exhale of air, falling over while somehow managing to keep the cat from clawing your face off. An impressive feat if you do say so yourself.

"You're back!" Mikey screamed your name, hitting his forehead on your chest with a frantic smile. "We thought we'd scared you off!"

After a few weak growls for him to 'get the fuck of of me Michelangelo', you stood up and brushed yourself off. Mikey bounced excitedly all around you, thankfully not touching. You might have kicked him if he did.

"Dont worry bud. It'll take a lot more than just some mushrooms to get rid of me." You eventually answered, looking very unsurprised for someone that had just been tackled by two hundered pounds of turtle.

"Yeah! I bet you eat mushrooms for breakfast!" Mikey struck a very crude ninja pose. Something that almost made you laugh, considering he was an actual ninja.

"That's what humans do, Mikey. They literally eat mushrooms with their breakfast." Leo called from the couch. You couldn't see his face from where you were standing, but you could practically hear the eyeroll in his voice.

"Oh."

"I know what you meant. Don't worry dude." You waved it off. Mikeys smile returned in no time flat, and you could see questions about the cat bubbling in his throat as he moved on. You were quick to start moving, not really up for a tirade of questions at the moment.

The turtle skipped after you as you headed in the direction of Donatello's lab. His door was still ajar from when Mikey had sprung out of it, and you could hear the faint clinking of lab equipment drifting from it.

"Did anyone order a flea infested cat?" You said as you strolled in, ignoring the many warning signs plastered around the room screaming at you to not enter.

You watched as Donnie looked up from whatever he was doing with a glowing green beaker, face breaking out into a smile at the sight of you. For a moment you did your best attempt to smile back, and it seemed to only increase the size of his. At least before his eyes dropped to the animal you were holding.

"Hey hey hey! Don't bring that thing in here!" His arms immediately shot out to cover any of the open substances he was dealing with. You paid no mind to him, just strolling over to the opposite side of his desk and leaning against it.

"What. The cat or Mikey?"

"Both!"

"Hey!" Mikey whined and pouted at you, still evidently hot on your trail. You snickered, continuing your stroking of the cat that had haulted earlier.

Donnie took one more look between you and the stray before sighing. He seemingly gave up before turning back to his work, probably glad you were entertaining Mikey for a bit. It always seemed to go that way when you came down here.

"So Mike." You watched Mikey stick his tounge out at you at the nickname and you mirrored him. "How do you feel about getting a new pet?"

"Seriously!" He gasped. Donnie stiffened from where he was sitting but didn't turn around.

"Yeah." You shrugged. "We found him up top, and he seems to be tame enough. You might want to make sure he gets some shots though. For worms and all."

You knew everything you were saying was going one ear and out the other for Michelangelo as he reached out to pluck the cat from your arms.

"Aww look at you!" He gushed before proceeding to spout ooey gooey nonsense at the animal. You faked vomiting.

"And Donnie?" You yawned as you felt the after effects of lunch taking hold of you, stretching your arms above your head. "Before you ask, yes, April's here."

You didn't even need to turn around to know that the crashing sound was probably Donnie falling out of his chair with a dopey smile.

"So is Casey." You finished with a slight smirk. Looking back, Donnie glared at you as he pulled himself up, cheeks still tinted red.

"You just had to add that part in last didn't you?"

"Save the best for last as they say!" The confident call of Casey came from the doorway. You looked over to see him leaning against it, trying his best to look what he most likey thought was cool as April strolled right past him.

"Hey my dudes!" Mikey popped up from somewhere behind you to wave frantically at them. He was holding ice cream for some reason now. You'd learned not to question his ways a long time ago.

"I see you've already introduced them to the little guy we found on the streets." April smiled. You rolled your eyes as Donatello made heart eyes at her, stuttering something out about how charitable she was.

"Can we keep her Donnie?" An excited Mikey squealed.

"You know, Master Splinter is a rat." The question from his brother seemed to snap some temporary sense into Donatello, turning in place to cock an eyebrow.

"Yeah! What if that cat goes nuts and attacks him? She'll feed off his body for months!"

"Thanks for the visual, Casey." You walked over to flick him on the crown of his head. A few panicked noises and thumps came from behind you, but you were too busy relishing in the look on Casey's face to notice.

"Alright, well you guys have fun. I'm going to raid your fridge." You stuffed your hands in your pockets and rocked on the balls of your feet. Faintly, you noticed Mikey rush out of the room with something in his hands.

"But we just ate?" April tilted her head at you. You smiled at her without any real emotion.

"I never said I was going to eat anything. Just save it for later."

"I guess I'll come with you." Donnie looked at the wall above you, no doubt checking the time. "I could use a break."

"Sure." You shrugged and turned. "You guys going to stick around or—" The last bit was directed at Casey and April, but they just shook their head and began to follow you out. On the way to the kitchen you were all joined by Leo and Raph, eventually reaching the kitchen table.

"Mikey, please for the love of god stop making out with the fridge." You didn't spare anyone a second look before balancing on your tip toes to open a cabinet. Rustling around, you came up with a bag of marshmallows. Letting a celebratory smile loose, you stuffed it in your hoodie pocket for later.

"Master? Are you okay?"

You turned around. True to Leo's question, Splinter was lumbering into the room. And not looking to hot. You noticed he lacked his usual poise. Instead, he was slouching and blinking slowly. He looked groggy, and you wondered for a moment if mutant rats could have nightmares.

"I need ice for my head." He mummbled. "And also. Possibly a cheese-sicle."

"Cheese-sicle?" You asked Casey from the corner of your mouth. He shook his head with a look that told you he knew about as much as you did.

"No sensei! You can't!"

All of you watched as Mikey slammed the freezer door on Splinter. The speed of it took even you by surprise. Either he had become self aware of the cost of electricity, or Mikey'd lost his mind.

"No?" The room seemed to ice over with the amount of coldness in Splinters voice. Your eyes grew big, and you resisted the urge to start snacking on the marshmallows like a bag of popcorn at the movies.

"You tell me no?" Splinter was hissing now. Any joke you would have made flown out the kitchen. Much like Mikey's body as Splinter sent a punch to his plastron.

"Jesus fucking christ!" You scrambled back, your cry getting lost in everyone else's as they yelled with surprise.

Splinter lowered to his arms and legs like a feral animal, and you managed to get a glimpse at his eyes. Normally, they were the exact same color as Donnie's. But now, they were covered in a sharp red film. Much like the rat that had crossed your path not too long ago on the surface.

Everyone scrambled in different directions as Splinter launched himself around the room. You included. You found yourself up on top of the fridge somehow, looking down with eyes as big as saucers at the scene before you. The thought of the tazer you carry with you crossed your mind, but you immediately felt guilty afterward. This was Master Splinter. The one who had made you feel the safest down here after meeting them. And you had just contemplated shocking him.

You didn't have long to feel guilty though. The turtles all eventually wised up and lunged at their master, pinning all four of his limbs to the kitchen table with difficulty. He continued to writhe violently, and a bead of sweat rolled down your neck.

"Would it help if I jumped onto his chest?" You yelled out, trying to find some way to help. You were met with an astounding amount of no's as an answer.

A few more moments of grunting and struggling played out before you. It didn't take long for Splinter, or whatever had taken his place, to gain the upper hand. Kicking everyone away, he sprung up onto his legs again.

"I have got what I came for." A slight echo tinged his voice. "Soon New York, then the world, will be mine!"

It was then he collapsed, and you finally allowed yourself to clamber down from the top of the fridge. Dust littered the bottom of your arms and legs from how you had been clinging onto it.

"Master, are you okay?" Leonardo was the first to approach him. April next, asking the same exact thing. Splinter grunted lowly in response. You waited with baited breath from him to open his eyes.

You let out a sigh when he did. They were back to brown again.

"The Rat King." Splinter uttered somberly. "He has returned."

You noticed everyone but Casey exchange looks with each other, looking very disturbed at this news.

A brief moment of silence. You blinked twice before speaking.

"The rat who?"

The lair's TV screen blared in front of you. Images of giant rats crossed the screen, and your eyes were trained on a very shrewd looking blonde reporter.

You and Casey had been filled in durring the amount of time it took to help Splinter from the kitchen counter to the living room. Tales of mind control, scientists turned into monkeys, and thousands of rats danced around in your head. You looked no worse than Casey at the news, who had done a horrible job at containing his horror when learning about a literal rat army.

You had barely begun to wonder how the news was still on air when a rat launched itself at the reporter. She dropped to the ground with a scream, and the feed cut to static before you were able to see if she was okay.

"Why did it have to be giant rats." Casey moaned as he flopped onto the couch.

"Er, maybe you should sit this one out Casey." April suggested with a wince. Beside you Donatello allowed himself a smile.

"Do you think tazers could take those things down?" You half heartedly asked no one in particular. Raph crossed his arms and shook his head in your peripheral. You slumped from your spot on the floor with a frown. He patted your shoulder hesitantly. Maybe you could kick them to death instead.

"Donnie, are you sure you can't build a giant mouse trap?"

"Please don't subject my intelligence to something so meaningless." Donnie said your name, rolling his eyes as he messed with his t-phone.

"I bet you'd do it if April asked." You spoke into your hand, not caring if he heard. You heard Mikey laugh at that from somewhere in the distance. If he was anywhere near you, you would have offered him a high-five at the backup.

"Alright guys." Leo now was standing in the center of you all with his hands on his hips. He was doing what you called his Captian Ryan pose, and the sight of it made the corner of your lips twitch into a small smile. If you had to bet, he was probably imagining himself as the fictional character right now.

Master Splinter stood off to the side, watching his son. His own mouth was pulled into a tight line, and he looked the most serious you had seen him in a while. You took one more moment to study him before slowly turning back to Leo.

"I have an idea."

If there was one thing you knew for certain, it was that the turtles definitely did not have a driver's license.

A helmet clunked noisily against your head as you raced through downtown New York City. Rain pelted your vision, and you really regretted not asking for a pair of sunglasses ahead of time.

A four person race-cart sat beneath you, the seats filled by you, April, Donnie and Raph. The latter was driving, occasionally making sharp turns that would send you and Donnie clashing against each other respectively. You accidentally nailed him straight in his shell at one point, and now your elbow was throbbing something awful.

Screams floated to you from behind the cart. You knew if you turned your head, you'd see Mikey holding onto a rope and shouting his shell off, skating like his life depended on it. Which, technically, you guess it did.

The final piece de resistance was the giant foam cheese hat strapped to the top of his head. While you got fitted with an orange helmet that smelled faintly of pizza and sweat, he had been wrestled to the ground and forced to wear the yellow abomination. Apparently he was to be the bait for the giant rats, something that you got the feeling happened very often with him. The bait part you mean. Not giant rats. That was only a two time thing.

Casey was biking around somewhere a few blocks off, hitting stray mutants in the snout with his trusty hockey sticks. The only reason you knew he was still alive and kicking was the faint sounds of shrill screams bouncing off surrounding buildings. You might have laughed if you didn't feel like doing the same thing.

Another tight curb sent you face first into Donnie's lap. With a temper as hot as Raph's own, you scrambled up and yelled at the driver to watch it. You didn't even spare a glance at Donnie, skipping over how incredibly red his face had gotten.

"You try steering in this traffic!" Raphael shouted right back at you. You proceeded to make some not so nice gestures with your hands that April frowned at, the rain making you shake slightly in the cold, before falling back into your seat and awaiting part two of the plan. Something you'd named Grab That Turtle.

Mikey eventually got close enough to the bumper where you could grab his hand. With more effort than it would probably take a normal person, you snatched him up and into the cart. The result was a lovely three person dog pile in the back seat; something that you quickly remedied by pinching Mikey in the arms until he got himself and Donnie off of you.

You didn't even stop to yell at them. In exchange for that, you whipped out your tazer to sent a volt of electricity at a rat that had gotten too close, whooping excitedly when it yelped and fell back. It was nothing like what any of the turtles could have done, but that didn't stop you from feeling way too proud of yourself.

Your moment of celebration was cut short only when you noticed that you were no longer in the race-cart.

Cuts formed all along your face and arms as you tumbled out of the cart and to asphalt. You'd never wanted to discover what street tasted like, but you don't think you'd ever be able to forget it now.

Gravel found its way into your mouth and you felt something pop in your back as a slimey paw trodded on you. Before you could even gather enough strength to push yourself onto your hands and knees, a beak that felt too sharp and too precise for a rat closed around your middle.

Preparing for a quick snip and searing pain, you closed your eyes and grit your teeth. When it didn't come, you peaked an eye open. It was with much shock that you realized the rat wasn't attempting you eat you. Rather carry you, it seemed. Granted, it wasn't being the gentlest about it, but neither were you when you zapped it's brother on the neck.

At the thought of your weapon, you squirmed to try and reach it. Your attempts were stopped by the giant bite around you increasing in strength, practically cutting off all circulation in your arms now.

"Jesus! Fine I'll stop!" You snapped. It responded by dropping you and kicking you forward, growling when you hissed at it in pain.

For the second time that day, the world fell out from beneath you. Where the street should have been, a giant hole gaped. In the split second it took for you to fall through it, you recognized it as an entrance into the sewers.

"Urgh." Was all you could manage to say as the giant rat slid down the same hole, landing on you. Something made a loud cracking sound, and it was only after you felt the back of your head that you realized it had been you.

Your hand came back tinted with red. You glared at it before going cross eyed. And then nothing.

You awoke in a cage, next to the last person you wanted to see at the moment.

A spray painted mask stared back at you as you lifted your head up. It took you a moment for your eyes to adjust, but once they did, nausea slapped you in the face.

"God damnit." You groaned and rolled over. You tried not to vomit. Of course Casey had been caught too. Now instead of just him, the turtles had to rescue you too. Way to go.

Before you could say anything else, your mouth was quickly covered. With half a mind to bite him, you growled. Casey just hit you in the head and no so subtly pointed next to you.

When you turned, you were met with the sight of Irma, who looked thoroughly confused.

The place all of you stood suspended above smelled horrible, and looked worse. You were sure you looked right at home with your torn clothes and hair matted with blood. Casey didn't look that good either, but miraculously Irma didn't have a single scratch on her. The only sign she was even witnessing the same thing as you was the telltale quiver of fear in her eyes.

"Irma?" You questioned with a blink. "What are you doing here?"

"Remember how we went out for pizza?" She frowned.

You nodded.

"I got attacked by a giant rat thing after you left. I tried screaming, but no one was around to help."

You resisted the urge to wince at that last part. Yowch. That had totally been you guy's fault. It seemed like she knew it too. You'd have to take her out for a snack after this or something to make up for it.

"Hey, at least most of us are together now." You reasoned, looking over at Casey. "We can probably try to find a way ou—"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never seen the two of you before." Casey grumbled, his voice a much deeper and much faker octave. You looked over at him with a crazed look in your eyes, not up for games. He just stared right back at you, silently gesturing to himself, his mask, and then a confused Irma while you watched.

"Fine. Whatever. Just, fucking, whatever mystery man." You grabbed the cage bars and hit your head against them twice before stopping.

"That won't work." Irma motioned to your head banging and did her signature move of pushing her glasses up. "I've been down here practically all day. Nothing budges these cages."

At the mention of more cages, you looked past your own to the outside. Sure enough, dangling a good ten feet off the ground and even more away from you, hung other people in mesh boxes just as reinforced as yours. Some cried, while most just looked horrified. They all shared that one thing in common, and you were sure they wished they didn't.

"Welcome esteemed guests."

"Oh please don't tell me it's this guy." You frowned.

"There's no need to fear, I will not hurt you. That I promise." A chuckle rang darkly through the room— cavern? it felt more like a cavern —that you were being kept in. You didn't have to think hard to figure out who it belonged to. It already reaked with enoigh pretentiousness.

Sure enough, when the figure stepped out of hiding and into the light, you got a good look at what had been described to you back at the lair. Tall, covered in bandages, and sporting a horrible choice of a trench coat. You barely held yourself back from booing at him, figuring that it probably wasn't the best way to go undetected. Casey didn't seem to share your carefully thought out sentiment.

"Let us out of here you freak!" He said, still donning his modified voice as he shook the bars to the cage. You kicked him in the back of the knee. A universal sign recognized all over the world to shut the hell up.

"All in good time." The Rat King echoed back.

You groaned and massaged your temples. This was really going to give you another tension headache, wasn't it.

You were left wishing for some Tylenol as your captor dove into an explination, calmly explaining how he had come to capture you. Something about rats, mutagen, science, rats, rats, his intelligence, and more rats. Probably. You stopped listening half way through and started feeling around the cage for anything sharp.

Right as you thought your search would turn out to be fruitless, your hand brushed against the bulk of your waistline. Cool metal met your hand, and with a start, you realized that they hadn't taken your tazer.

They hadn't taken your tazer.

Wracking your mind all the way back to after Splinter freaked out, you remembered the turtles telling you something. About how the Rat King used to be normal, before a freak electrical fire left him blind. Only able to see through the eyes of rats.

Your hand tightened around the base of the tazer. The words electrical fire bounced around in your head.

If a shock got him into this, maybe a shock could get him out.

You paid no attention to Irma as she dropped to the floor in a fainting stupor. The adrenaline and lack of food getting to her probably. You only felt somewhat guilty for your flippant attitude toward her well being.

Tapping Casey on his shoulder, you held a finger up to your lips. Even with his mask on, you could feel the confusion coming off of him in waves as you gestured down to your pants.

"Uh. Dude, you know I sort of have a thing with Red right?" He laughed awkwardly, stepping away. You glared at him with the force of a thousand suns before lifting up your hoodie to reveal the head of your tazer. Pointing out at the Rat King, you watched as his eyes widened in realization.

"I know you have something similar in those goalie gloves of yours Casey." You murmered. "When its our turn for whatever he's planning, let the rats drag us. But when it comes time for him to touch us, zap him."

"You think that will work?" Casey shuddered. You could only imagine that he was thinking about being touched by those rats again. And voluntarily this time.

"It better. If not, it might buy us enough time for the others to get here." You cracked your knuckles nervously. The look that Casey gave you made you tilt your head.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just forget how scary you can get when you're not yelling at me." He rubbed the back of his neck. "The guys should really start letting you come on missions with us."

You snorted and went to say something else. Maybe that he was crazy, or that you didn't quite hate the sound of that. Whatever it was going to be, you were cut off by the clashing of metal against metal.

The door to your cage swung open, and a furry paw grabbed you by the face. Struggling to breathe through the must of rat droppings coming from the living restraint around your face, you weren't aware that you were being lifted off the ground and dragged in the nearest direction of the Rat Kings makeshift lab. Somewhere in the shadows, five sets of hidden eyes widened. The other pair began to turn red.

"Here we have our first volunteer for the serum." The point of a needle came into view as the giant mutated rat dropped you. Brown fur stick to the inside of your mouth as you sputtered like a fish out of water.

Many cries for you to watch out came from the surrounding cages, New Yorkers feeling powerless while watching a teenager get stalked by a needle.

You grasped blindly at your waist. For a horrific split second, you could smell the sourness of his breath as he approached you. And then you felt your fingers close down around plastic.

Flipping the switch on your tazer, you sat up and poked him in the eyes with two fingers. Predictably, it did nothing but make him grunt in annoyance. But it was to his detriment. The action gave you enough time to scramble up and point the tazer at his face, rushing forward and sticking it right between his forhead.

"Suck my dick." You said heavily. Not exactly action hero movie material, but there would be plenty of time to worry about it later.

Blue light lit up his head and upper torso in a painful sparkle. Rats from all around screamed and squealed as their master fell to his knees, clawing at his face. Somewhere inbetween all the tiny cries, you thought you heard a much larger one and then a scuffle.

Your chest heaved as you turned on your heel to climb back up over the cage you had just been sitting in. An enraged cry followed your movements, and you were sure thousands of rats were now surging in your direction. Your only hope was that the zap had slowed all of them down, not just the Rat King.

You began to shimmy up the rope keeping Casey and Irma from falling. Old cuts from tumbling on the street earlier opened back up, staining the rope and ends of your sleeves.

Somewhere in the amount of time it took for you to get to the top of the rope, a fight had broken out underneath you. A part of your mind hoped it was Casey holding his own, and the other part really hoped it wasn't. You weren't sure how long his hockey sticks would hold under a tidal wave of sharp teeth and wormy tails.

Sparing a look down, your eyes were assaulted with flashes of green and silver. Surprise over took your features as you watched the guys emerge from the shadows, weapons batting away any adversary that dare to attack.

And was that—?

"Master Splinter?" You choked, and slipped down the rope slightly before scaling back up.

The sensei, sure enough, was in the midst of all the seperate battles. He appeared to battling with himself, clutching the sides of his head as he stumbled around.

A loud call of your name tore your gaze away from him, coming to settle on a struggling Mikey. He was balancing his nunchucks in one hand, and a blob of pink white and brown in the other.

"Mikey!" You yelled back, still hanging on to avoid the swarm of rats approaching. "Is that the cat I gave you? What the hell is going on!"

"We were coming to save you—" He stopped talking as he dodged another wave of rats before popping back up. "—and then sensei just went crazy! He's chasing after the Rat King now!"

You noticed that Mikey purposefully didn't answer your question about the cat, instead just smiling innocently. Filing it away for later, you continued to make frantic conversation.

"Is there anything I can do!?"

"Help get everyone out of these cages! We can't let any of the civilians see us!" Leonardo butted in from somewhere. You couldn't see him, but it sounded like he was wrestling with something. Nonetheless, you nodded, and positioned yourself in preperation to jump off the rope.

It worked. With dificulty, you managed to land on the top of another cage near to Casey and Irma's. It teetered dangerously in the air, and you swung your hands in a windmill like fashion to avoid falling off.

Grabbing at a lone rat that ran over your foot, you held it to the base of the rope. It squirmed in your clutch angrily before latching onto the fibers and chewing. It didn't take long before breaking through it, and you barely managed to grab onto the end of the rope as it seperated itself from the cage.

The cage fell to the ground in a heap. Smiling, you watched the doors lock break on impact and it's captors rush out. They looked back up at you for a second, and you gestured at them to go.

"Help the others if you can!" Was all you had time to say before jumping to another cage.

Rope after rope snapped under your efforts, and cages fell from the sky like rain from heavy clouds. By the time you had reached the last one, you hadn't even noticed that the fighting below had stopped. Now all of the people had fled, and giant rats lay defeated all over the ground.

You dropped from the last rope, chucking the rat you had been using as a makeshift saw into the distance, sincerely hoping that the stupid Rat King felt that.

"I think that's the last of them." Raph spoke. You saw him and his brothers perched on a ledge above you, and waved. Mikey was the only one to wave back, and what you now knew as his cat from earlier copied the movement.

"What about Master Splinter?" Leo worried.

"He can hold his own." You piped up, bringing the rest of their attention down to you. "And I'm pretty sure he's already won. I don't see any more rats scurrying around after all. Either the mental link has been broken, or your dad beat the Rat King."

The boys seemed to consider your words. Leaping down next to you, they all watched as Donatello placed a hand on your head briefly.

"You did a good job helping today." He grinned good naturedly at you as you swiped at his hands, trying desperately to fix your hair. His smile only grew as you stuck your tounge out at him.

"Whatever. Can we leave now? I'm about done with search and rescue missions for today."

Murmurs of agreement rang out, and you all started towards the exit and back to the lair. All you could think about as the turtles bragged on each other about their performance was a nice long nap. Preferably on their couch. Their nice, soft couch.

Master Splinter returned late into the night. His robe was dirty, and paws aching. But his heart lightened at the sight before him; all of his sons curled up in a deep sleep as you yourself snored on the living room floor. April and Casey weren't far off, slumped over in a sitting position as they slept.

Grabbing the remote from Leonardo's limp hand, he turned the TV's volume down. A quiet snort came from you, and Splinter watched as you reached out to grab at something. A soft smile spread agross his face as you latched onto the nearest thing, which just so happened to be Donnie's leg, and began to lean into it.

"Rest well my children." He surveyed you all, eyes shining. "You have done well today."

The door to his dojo swung shut without a sound, and Splinter fell into a deep slumber of his own.

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FEATURES

THE 10 MOMENTS WHEN POP CULTURE GOT HIP-HOP WRONG

By Stereo Williams

Published Mon, June 29, 2020 at 10:50 AM EDT

After Hip-Hop’s mid-’80s mainstream breakthrough, the tropes and aesthetics of rap music were suddenly thrust into the commercial spotlight. Of course, that would eventually bring Hip-Hop to the forefront as the dominant cultural influencer for the generations who came of age as it took flight.

But in the ’80s and much of the ’90s, the mainstream public’s lens for Hip-Hop was limited. Even as Hip-Hop stars of the late ’80s gained high-profile critical acclaim with artists like Public Enemy and N.W.A. fostering the genre’s rebel image while acts like De La Soul were hailed for quirky eclecticism, many mainstream entities still seemed to engage with rap music as a novelty or an oddity.

Here are 10 of the most unforgettable (we tried, we really tried) moments when Hip-Hop crossovers made for woeful results.

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RAPPIN’ CARTOON CHARACTERS

For a generation of ’80s kids, cartoons like The Transformers and G.I. Joe were mainstays of their weekday afternoons. These merchandised toy fests of pop culture played a major role in signifying Hip-Hop’s growing trendiness. Popular Black characters on many popular action cartoons of the day were saddled with stereotypical tropes (there was even a G.I. Joe character who wore a basketball jersey and only spoke in hoop speak), and the rapping hero soon became an ’80s cartoon cliché.

The Transformers had Blaster, a communications export for the good-guy Autobots — a boom box who often spoke in rhyme: “Give us some answers and make it snappy, ’cause my buddy here’s trigger-happy.” Roadblock of G.I. Joe was the most prominently featured African-American character, and he also spoke in rhyme: “Play it straight or there’s no doubt, I’ll turn your eyeballs inside out.” He became one of the franchise’s most popular characters, famously portrayed by Dwayne Johnson in the 2013 movie G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

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RAPPIN’ RODNEY

Goofy singles would pepper the pop charts of the ’80s and ’90s and — were it not for its rapid expansion and diversification, often independent of the biggest commercial stages — could easily have pigeonholed the genre by the “Disco-Duck”-ing of its popular image. The mid-’80s, in particular saw jokey tracks like comedian Rodney Dangerfield’s legendary “Rappin’ Rodney,” the Chicago Bears’ terrifying-but-endearing “Super Bowl Shuffle,” and the John Wayne-themed “Rappin’ Duke.”

Imagine if you’d never heard of Grandmaster Flash but this kind of thing was your initial exposure to rapping and Hip-Hop? And it wasn’t just one-off joke records churning out novelty hits. The Fat Boys had some of Larry Smith’s best production values and very real charisma, but were soon devoured (bad pun, right?) by an image predicated on cartoonish silliness of gimmicky songs like “All You Can Eat” and oldies covers like “Wipe Out” and “The Twist.”

Part of the reason some people underappreciate DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince’s legacy as a DJ-MC duo is because of novelty singles like “I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson” and “Nightmare on My Street.”

But there was a string of movie-themed duds like the Fat Boys’ “Are You Ready for Freddy” from A Nightmare on Elm Street 6, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song “Turtle Power” by the annoyingly named Partners in Kryme, and Vanilla Ice’s infamous “Ninja Rap” from the Turtles’ sequel.

Far more successful smashes like MC Hammer’s “Addams’ Groove” from The Addams Family and Will Smith’s “Men in Black” kept novelty rap on the charts well into the ’90s, but as Hip-Hop became more centered in popular culture, more people recognized these kinds of songs for what they were: fun, slick, junk food.

These songs aren’t anything close to definitive now, but for many, these types of songs were their first window into Hip-Hop.

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RAPPIN’ ROCKIN’ BARBIE

Madison Avenue embraced Hip-Hop’s selling power in the ’80s and ’90s by producing rap-centric products. That still goes on today, but some early attempts at rap cross-marketing were downright strange.

In a 1992 commercial, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble became a rap duo in an effort to sell Fruity Pebbles cereal. Rappin’ Rockin’ Barbie didn’t turn out to be the toy craze of 1992, but the commercial from that year highlights the way Madison Avenue tried to connect with Hip-Hop for the sake of commerce with dance moves and a goofy boom box that “Plays a real rap sound!”

And who could forget the 1993 video game commercial for The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening? Taking a decidedly hard-core slant on a decidedly non-gangsta game was an interesting choice, with production that wouldn’t have sounded out of place on a Das EFX record from around that time.

“THE PRINCESS & THE HOMEBOY”

You can’t parody what you don’t know.

That’s a truth of comedy. There’s a fine line between landing a funny punch and whiffing at it because you’re swinging at something from the outside. You have to really get it well enough to poke at it, and SNL’s attempts to mock Hip-Hop were typically awkward and unfunny pre-Y2K.

Take SNL’s 1996 sketch “The Princess and the Homeboy,” which featured Tim Meadows as a foul-mouthed houseguest of Mark McKinney and host Teri Hatcher. It opens with the warning:

“Get ready America, because next Monday there’s a surprise in store for the Fresh Prince and for LL COOL J. You see, a new brother is moving to the hood, and he’s as legit as they come!”

The skit centers around a sitcom featuring a rapper named G-Dog, who comes to the live with a white-bread couple. McKinney’s character explains: “When G-Dog’s father passed away I promised him that G-Dog could live with us.” G-Dog proceeds to yell offensive things at the couple like, “I’ll thank you to shut the fuck up, and go make me a muthafuckin sandwich!” Because, y’know, that’s rappers!

The G-Dog character seems like the kind of rapper created by folks who didn’t know hip-hop well enough to effectively mock it. Meadows plays him like a randomly cursing Freedom Williams of C+C Music Factory. Going from Compton to the country club, indeed. SNL’s contemporary Hip-Hop shots are far more on-target and funnier.

As the raunchy Hip-Hop soul of acts like Jodeci took over as the sound of ’90s R&B, SNL decided to spoof the lick-you-up-and-down vibes of acts of the era. Given that Chris Rock is involved, you would think the 1993 parody “Suck Your Big Toe” — a send-up of Hip-Hop- drenched R&B acts like Jodeci, Silk, and H-Town — would hit harder or be funnier.

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TOM HANKS AND DAN AYKROYD “CITY OF CRIME”

As Hip-Hop hit the charts in the mid-’80s, it also hit the big screen and not just in rapsploitation classics like Breakin’ and Beat Street. It popped up in weird and expectedly awkward scenes in other movie genres. There’s the earnest-but-lame freestyling scene from Say Anything… , which scores points for authenticity. Nothing’s more real than four white high-school guys rapping in a convenience-store parking lot.

But there were even more egregious offenders. Sticking a goofy rap into a popular comedy or kitsch flick became a bit of a go-to formula. We would all be happier to erase from existence Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks’ atrocious “City of Crime” rap from Dragnet. We all love Hanks, but somebody should be made to answer for this one.

And the less said about the better about the 1986 video “The Karate Rap,” which appeared in the 1994 forgotten martial arts film Sister Sensei. And we may never forget the “Lambda Lambda Rap” from the finale of Revenge of the Nerds.

While the next entry could fit neatly into this category, it’s so notorious it deserves special recognition.

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“TOP THAT!” FROM TEEN WITCH

So bad, it merited its own standalone spot.

It’s hard to describe Teen Witch, the 1989 fantasy-comedy white-rap musical. There’s so much bad suburban white-kid rap in this movie it’s kind of amazing. Highlights include a crew of bros rhyming their come-ons from their jeep to star Robin Lively and an infamous rap-dance scene performed by Noah Blake as the character of Rhet.

Many of the principals involved with Teen Witch explained on People TV in 2018 how that scene came to be.

“They wanted to redo the opening of the movie, and they really wanted to come up with a big rap song in the middle of the movie as a feature,” shared Teen Witch score composer Larry Weir. “So the new producers I met with said ‘Do you write rap?’ and I said ‘Yeah, I’ll write a rap.’ So I went home and worked on a rap.”

After Weir debuted the song to a raucous reception from the producers, they reshot the movie to include the scene. So they spent more money to make sure this made it into the movie.

“We had wrapped Teen Witch and all was well,” explained actress Mandy Ingber, whose character Polly is clearly impressed by Rhet’s funky dancing and rhymes. “I felt like it was a few months later, I got a call and they wanted to add some new scenes to the movie.”

Actor Blake knew immediately how cringe-worthy it all was going to be.

“I do remember walking out of the dressing room onto the set and thinking ‘Wow, this is really pushing the envelope of whatever this is supposed to be,’ ” he explained in ’18. “There was not any moment in time that I ever thought what I was doing was cool. There was no moment that I was ever not in peril that this was would be just totally humiliating.”

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KARL LAGERFELD’S 1991 FASHION SHOW

In 1991, legendary fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld debuted his latest creations for Chanel, and it became evident that the Fall 1991 Chanel fashions were heavily inspired by the Hip-Hop trends of the early ’90s.

“I think what Lagerfeld has always done amazingly well is completely capture the mood of the moment,” explained style.com editor-at-large Tim Blanks. “He listens to everything, reads everything, sees everything, and then distills it into these incredibly potent fashion images. In this collection, you get a sense that he was probably listening to rap music.”

Lagerfeld gave rappers props during the show. “The rappers are more clever, and you cannot fool them. The make-believe and all this doesn’t work anymore. You can’t cheat nobody anymore. I think it’s a good thing.”

Baseball caps worn backwards, long chains, baggy pants — they were all there. It was definitely high fashion. Was it Hip-Hop? Not sure. The looks are undeniable, but it’s hard not to wonder how much Hip-Hop fashion he’d actually absorbed up until then. Lagerfeld proved to foreshadow what would become an industry unto itself — couture fashion’s flirtation with Hip-Hop. Some people might side-eye.

But hey, at least they’re not bad looks.

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MARRIED WITH CHILDREN: BEST OF GRANDMASTER B

In the early ’90s, teen stars on Fox started pining for Hip-Hop cred. Could it have been because Fox was the most Hip-Hop-friendly of the networks at the time? It was home to Martin and In Living Color, but two of the network’s biggest stars began flaunting their supposed Hip-Hop cred as their shows became ratings smashes.

One was Beverly Hills, 90210 star Brian Austin Green. His character, David Silver, was written to match his own interest in rapping and DJing, and both became heavily referenced aspects of the character throughout the show’s run. After several false starts, he actually dropped an album — 1996’s One Stop Carnival — produced by SlimKid3 of Pharcyde. There’s also a video for his quasi alt-rappy single “You Send Me.”

But if you somehow missed David Silver’s wannabe-Hieroglyphics rhyme career in the ’90s, you may recall Married With Children’s David Faustino’s foray into the rap game. Playing the popular character Bud Bundy on the hit sitcom, Faustino used his fame to bolster Hip-Hop among the LA elites, opening one of the first rap clubs on the Sunset Strip in the early ’90s. On the show, the writers took note of Faustino’s rap interests and wrote them into his character. Thus, Grandmaster B was born.

Grandmaster B was nerdy Bud Bundy’s rapper alter ego. Both a parody and a full-on representative of the kinda goofs who’d made Vanilla Ice a star, Grandmaster B makes you wonder how many people actually got the joke.

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VANILLA ICE WINS BEST NEW ARTIST

Hip-Hop has an awkward history with music awards shows. Kanye West spent the majority of the ’00s ranting about it. Diddy decided to call it out in ’20. But the Grammy Awards and American Music Awards have always had a weird relationship with Hip-Hop, and it’s not limited to the infamous ’89 ceremony and MTV’s Hip-Hop boycott of that show.

You can’t expect an institution like the Grammys to dig deep for the most underground classic rap shit, but those popular awards shows had a specific lens — especially in the ’80s and ’90s — that was almost exclusively squared on whatever big crossover rap hit made waves, even if that hit was by Candyman.

You have Vanilla Ice winning Best Rap New Artist at the 1991 American Music Awards, which led to him being booed at the Soul Train Awards a few weeks later. Grammy-winning rappers of the ’80s and ’90s include Young MC, MC Hammer, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Coolio, and Will Smith (three times). To be fair, artists like LL COOL J, Salt-N-Pepa, Dr. Dre, and Queen Latifah all took home gold gramophone awards, but the Grammy organization, which promotes the show as “Music’s Biggest Night,” seemed to have a narrow idea of mainstream Hip-Hop in any given year. When you consider the historical context, the Grammys’ contemporary criticism has long, deep roots.

Today, more Hip-Hop fans tune in to the Grammys than ever before, so the criticism is louder than it was decades ago. Is change imminent? Hope so.

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JAY-Z ON OPRAH

One of the common misconceptions about Hip-Hop — specifically the art of rapping — in the earlier years of its crossover was that anyone can rap. The pervasive thinking among the older generation was that rapping was just talking over a beat, and as such, you got many lame and condescending “So show me how to rap” incidents across pop culture. Sheila E.’s terrible rhyme from Krush Groove was cute in the film’s context but also showed how musicians can sometimes dismiss the art.

And there was the JAY-Z appearance on the famously anti-Hip-Hop Oprah Winfrey’s talk show back in 2009 showing the icon how to rap.

It also didn’t help that as other genres embraced Hip-Hop, they also embraced the idea of rapping on their own songs. We got years of bad raps from many performers, like the Pet Shop Boys and En Vogue, until someone got the brilliant (we’re not exaggerating here) idea to include actual rappers on such songs. Because as cool as anyone may think it is, not everyone can rap.

Artists like Jody Watley, LeVert, Janet Jackson, and even Sinéad O’Connor and R.E.M. reached out to actual rappers like Rakim, Heavy D, MC Lyte, and KRS-One to guest on their tracks before Mariah Carey’s ’95 hit “Fantasy” featuring Ol’ Dirty Bastard turned the approach into a winning formula for pop success. From that point on, big hits meant featuring big rappers. But the beginning was dark. No one ever has to hear Donnie Wahlberg’s rap from New Kids on the Block’s single “Games” ever again.

* Banner Image: CREDIT: Vanilla Ice / Photo by Michel Linssen/Redferns

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