#Part of the plot is them making a video to show off the library and interviewing patrons and it mentions when she gets to editing

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Mrs Mix Up

romance novella

two librarians are just beginning to acknowledge their mutual attraction as they start to work more closely together to save their library from budget cuts

when they go to a conference they’re accidentally marked as married and given the same hotel room

demiromantic lesbian MC

[fizzy-fuzz]

hello! I've been reading your SCP work and saw you add OM to your writing list.

Can I please get Lucifer with an adoptive teen reader? Sibling relationship please

AN: I wasn't sure what you wanted as far as like headcanons or oneshots go, So I just went with a short oneshot because that's what I'm most comfortable with writing. Hope you don't mind!

I took some creative liberties with the plot, since your request kinda left it open. I also left the age non-specific, except implying that the reader is a teenager... I may have gotten carried away, soft big brother Lucifer incoming.

TW: slight angst

Different yet the same... (Lucifer & Adoptive teen sibling reader)

Your shoes thud softly against the ground in the carpeted halls in the house of lamination. Your pace is slowed though you already have your destination in mind; Lucifer study. Your sure he's in there, he always is during the afternoon. Often doing paperwork assigned to him by diavolo that day.

This routine isn't unusual for you. The house gets too rambunctious, so you seek the tranquility and comfort of the eldests workspace.

It's the arguably quietest place in the house. with spells and enchants to make sure that the only thing heard within the space is the gently thrum of whatever cursed vinyl Lucifer happens to fancy that day.

Lucifer never seemed to care if you were there as long as you were quiet and didn't disrupt his work.

Yes, this isn't unusual for you... Yet today the circumstances for your visit are different.

The house isn't bustling. in fact, this is the most calm it's been in awhile: Mammon Is out gambling with the money he made from modeling, Levi is holed up in his room playing some new video game that just came out, Satan is out reading in a newly built library, Asmo is clubbing with Solomon, Beel is out at an all you can eat buffet, And belphie is napping in the planetarium.

You pause your thoughts when you make it to the grand mahogany door that holds Lucifer and his office behind it. Hand raising to knock on the door but falling short and stopping just before it makes contact.

Does he even want you in there? Maybe this whole time he hasn't, and is just too polite to tell you off.

Part of you realizes that that sentence sounds ridiculous. Lucifer never has a problem telling his siblings to leave him alone when he needs private time...

But you're not really his sibling, are you?

They're all so close to each other... They fought together, fell together, and survived together when devildom refused to accept them.

Your hand that was hovering just before the office door drops to your side, and you turn around the glance at the mirrors lining the hallway behind you. If you look hard enough, you can still picture the beautiful and pristine white of your wings.

.....

It was a few dumb decisions that got you banished from the celestial realm and made you fall from grace.

You were growing weary with the standards you had to constantly upkeep. The realm values excellence over anything, and they won't settle for any less. Angelic voices always ringing in your ears pushing you to be something you weren't; perfection.

It was that same weariness that blossomed into intrigue when you first heard the name 'Lucifer' be uttered. His name was always spoken with a hushed voice, as if he was some sort of deadly curse.

And when you begin poking around for more information about him you were quickly shut down...

Until you spoke to Simeon about it. Simeon had always been one of the most relaxed and understanding of all of the angels. And because he was so well liked and respected they let it slide.

So when you spoke to him about your curiosity, he was happy to divulge as much as he saw fit for your younger mind. Contrary to every other angel you talked to, he spoke about Lucifer with high regards. Often speaking about how kind and giving the morning star was, and still is, even if he doesn't always show it.

When you asked what happened to him he told you the truth. He fell from grace along with six other angels he was closest with. Though simeon told you he wasn't allowed to speak of why they fell from grace, he did however give you a key to access the vaults that held files on what you were looking for.

That's when you first began properly learning about the great celestial war.

It dazzled you're young mind, the thought of seven angels taking on the entirety of the celestial realm with such bravery. And although you weren't about to try and start a rebellion like Lucifer did, seeing him fight for what he thought was right encouraged you to begin declining the high expectations of the realm.

Everyday when you got free time, you would sneak back off to the vault to read more on the rebellion and war, while sneaking conversations with simeon in between.

It kept you content...

Until one day, you made the mistake of getting too comfortable and sloppy while sneaking off. Unfortunately, you were blissfully unaware of the fact that you had been spotted and were being followed the whole time.

It's safe to say the higher ups weren't pleased...

So they gave you two choses:

Stay and be held on trial for treason. Which who knows what would happen after you were inevitably found guilty.

Or be stripped of your grace and be banished to devildom...

You choose the latter...

So you fell...

And fell...

And fell some more...

Devildom was beautiful, and it's Prince was nothing short of gracious. A far cry from the pompous aristocrats of the celestial realm, and of course diavolo knew just where to stick you. Where else if not with the demon brothers? Considering your circumstance, you should get along swimmingly.

Yeah, no... it's safe to say they were not happy about the idea of a freshly fallen angel teenager stuck living with them. For the first couple of months they either avoided you like the plague, or were confrontational.

All but one... Lucifer.

He wasn't peachy with you, but he held an air of understanding with your situation. He allowed you to express your woes, and offered a guiding hand when you seemed stuck.

Eventually all of the brothers warmed up to you, and came to view you as their eighth sibling. Though you always had a hard time feeling like you fit...

.....

"I can see you standing out there, Y/n. Come in." Lucifer startles you out of your thoughts as he calls out to you from behind the door.

You grip the door handle and open the heavy wooden door. It squeaks on it's hinges, the sound normally doesn't bug you, but today it makes your anxiety spike. You look up from the ground and see Lucifer at his desk writing away at some paperwork, he raises his none occupied hand and gestures for you to have a seat on the leather chair off to the side in the room.

As you scuttle over and plant yourself in the chair, you fidget nervously with your hands. The room is quiet, too quiet. The only thing heard is the scratching of Lucifers quill against the paper.

"I take it you'd like to talk? You seem tense" Though he acknowledges you verbally, he continues to work on his paperwork. Despite this you know you have his full attention.

"I guess?.. I'm really not sure." you shuffle around in your seat to get comfortable. He hums in thought.

Maybe you should've just gone to your room and dealt with your feelings yourself... He seems so busy, he shouldn't have to deal with your self-consciousness.

"tell me what's on your mind, Y/n..."

His voice has that certain tone to it, the closest it gets to 'soft'. You feel your self doubt fade away slightly... So you decide to spill your guts.

"I guess I've just been feeling a little out of place lately? Like I don't really fit in anywhere in the family..." Your voice falls to a hesitant whisper at the end.

Lucifers writing halts but he doesn't look at you yet. It feels like he already knows where this conversation is going. A light sigh falls from his mouth.

"elaborate."

You pause and think about how you want to respond. the topic is uncomfortable for you to approach, but it weighs heavy on your shoulders, so it's better to talk about it then let yourself stew...

"it's just... the seven of you are so close, you've been together for your entire life. You guys didn't even know me when I was still in the celestial realm, I was kinda just placed here after i fell from grace because there was nowhere else for me to go..." You pause for a moment and look to the ground, avoiding Lucifers gaze. "I feel like I don't belong..."

There's a silence that falls over the room as you finish your rant, only thing heard is your shuddery breathing and the scuff of Lucifers chair being pushed away from his desk. You hear here the sound of his dress shoes approach you, but you don't look up from the ground. Scared you'll meet his gaze and be ment with a lecture about how you need to be more secure with yourself.

You fidget a bit more when he stops in front of you, his shoes now in your vision as you continue to avoid looking at him properly. Two gloved fingers swoop into your view as well when he gently places them under your chin, tilting your head up carefully.

When you meet his gaze, your surprised to see his eyes half lidded with sympathy and understanding. His other hand coming up to gently run through your hair to clear it from you face, before falling to rest your shoulder in a grounding grip.

You both stay silent for a short while, before Lucifer speaks.

"how long have you felt like this?" His words are simple, but encourage you to delve deeper into your feelings.

"For awhile... I have a hard time feeling like I'm even slightly related to you guys sometimes" to your surprised, a light laugh falls from Lucifers mouth at this.

"none of us are related by blood, When has that ever made a difference?"

"that's not what I mean... Not biologically, more like our experiences feel so different, and you're all so close in age... I don't know" Lucifers gaze grows serious as he addresses you with a firm tone.

"Y/n, I know we don't always express it, but we all cherish you greatly. We may not share the same experiences, but we're still cut from the same cloth... We're family, Y/n" he pauses for a moment and sighs. "Why didn't you come to me if this was bothering you? We could've spoken about it sooner"

You gently push his hand away and he backs up to allow you to stand. Once standing, you hug your arms close to your body and shift your weight around nervously.

"it shouldn't be your job to deal with my emotions, you already have enough to deal with-" he quickly cuts you off.

"as your eldest brother it is my job to help you through things like this, my duties come second always. Y/n, you can always rely on me."

his firm response leaves no room for argument, and with his unusual sentiment, a dam breaks in you.

You take a few steps towards him and hug him close, sniffling lightly.

"I love you, Lucifer..."

His hands hover for a second, before gently pulling you closer.

"I love you too, Y/n"

[roninkairi]

MOVIE REVIEW- Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (Mild Spoiler Alert About Phoebe Included)

Let me get something off of my chest before we begin: I've been apprehensive about taking sites like Rotten Tomatoes or IGN seriously when it comes to reviews. I mean, I am aware that the purpose of the former is to show the average score of a movie among critics but I rarely take it at face value. (Hence my enjoyment of "The Super Mario Bros. Movie") and as for the latter, the quick summary of their review gave off the wrong kind of vibes, as if the person who wrote it was expecting some sort of Citizen Kane level masterpiece. And I get it, a lot of people set their expectations for a Ghostbusters movie, ANY movie, high. MAybe sometimes a little too high. For me, a good indication of whether or not I want to see a film is how the trailer portrays it. When I saw the trailers for Madame Web, for example, I wasn't too sure if it was something ! would want to see willingly in the theaters and, judging by critic and audience responses, my decision not to see it was well founded. The trailers for Frozen Empire however had the opposite effect, and I'm glad it did, as it really is a good movie all things considered.

Taking place about 3 years after the events of "Afterlife", the story returns us back to NYC where it all began: The Spenglers and Gary Grooberson have moved into the firehouse and take over the operations of the business, while Winston has opened up a new research center in Brooklyn (seriously, Brooklyn? I'm sure Queens would have had some better spots nearby.) However, the story begins to pick up steam once Ray acquires a relic that houses something decidedly sinister and soon, it will require both new and old team members to stop the threat.

The main story of course focuses on Phoebe and her rather rebellious streak (yeah, we all reached that part in our teen years when we thought we knew better) but surprisingly enough, Ray is also part of the story as sort of a mentor figure to Phoebe and Podcast (who, like Lucky, have become interns in the company as a way to explain why they are in New York). Both of them find themselves in a situation where they are sidelined because of their actions out on the field but for different reasons. Its interesting to note since we never really got to see much of Ray's interactions in the first two movies (of course the video games counter this) and Phoebe's character is slowly fleshed out more; here she is quick to anger, seems more assured of herself and more impulsive, which gets her into trouble. In short: she's a teen with a unlicensed nuclear accelerator on her back and a chip on her shoulder. Oddly enough though, she is the one sibling between herself and Trevor who seems to have gotten more attention in the potential romance department. While it's good to see Lucky return, I wished they had tried to further the potential relationship between herself and Trevor, as hinted at in the end of the previous movie. But for the purposes of the story, it's Phoebe and her maybe-girlfriend that we get to explore (yes, you read that right but I won't elaborate further since that is a big Twinkie to digest). Trevor gets relegated to a mini side story with an old ghost friend however...

That's another thing I wanted to touch on, the side stories themselves. Kumali Ali Nanjiani, one of the supporting cast members, said in an interview this movie drew inspiration from The Real Ghostbusters" cartoon series and in many aspects, it feels that way. The tone of each plot point, while seemingly independent, can at times feel like it could be part of a TV show narrative; from the cold opening to Ray's investigation into the legend of Garakka, if the film was indeed a portal into making a limited series it would fit right in. We are left with wanting to see more about the new lab that Winston has set up, the new tech guy, even more about the library but we only have so much time. And you want to see more of the Spengler/Grooberson family dynamic but we got an evil ghost god to contend with. Its a fun ride though, especially towards the end. But if we only got 20 MORE MINUTES, oh the possibilities. Does this mean its bad? No, its a good film. This is something you can definitely sit down and enjoy. But you will want more lore out of it. And hopefully when the next film comes out (and lets face it we will get one sooner or later) we will see the story take more risks. The good kind of risks too.

And MAYBE Phoebe and Trevor go on a double date.

[badwolfoncomingstorm]

Let's talk about Mean Girls

Ok, look. Admittedly I have trauma regarding the original Mean Girls movie. I was in high school in the early 2000s as this movie came out, so I was forced to watch that movie so many times I grew to despise it. I thought every character was a terrible person (and still do), and my high school experience was so far removed from that movie I couldn't even begin to relate.

Fast-forward to about a year or two ago when I first experienced the music from Mean Girls the Musical. While nothing earth shattering, it is admittedly WAY better than one would expect from Mean Girls the Musical. I am particularly fond of "I See Stars," "I'd Rather Be Me," and "Fearless."

Now I have to admit, I have not seen the musical. I had tickets to go see it, but when the day came, I was too disincentivized to actually see it because of my hate for the movie. I have seen some clips on YouTube, but that's it.

So when they made Mean Girls the Musical the Movie (lol), I checked it out from my local library (Go libraries!!! They have all sorts of cool shits like DVDs of movies you kind of want to see, but refuse to spend any money on. Support you local libraries!!). Here are some of my thoughts.

It's cool they got the Broadway Regina to reprise her role. I wish more of the stars were from the Broadway cast, particularly Barrett Wilbert Weed (ugh her voice is so good.) Auliʻi Cravalho is a pretty good replacement though. All the singers are great. The acting's pretty decent too.

2. Lol, those are supposed to be High Schoolers??????

(The Part where I rant about songs since it is a musical after all)

3. First, I really miss Fearless. I think you lose a lot of Gretchen's character when you lose that song. You also lose a lot of the message of being, well, Fearless, and not being afraid to be yourself.

4. The loss of the song "More is Always Better." I do think this is another loss of character this time for Cady and Aaron. It's one of the turning points for her and well, frankly gives Aaron any character at all besides being an object of desire who is apparently decent at math. Finally, it gives us the set-up for "I See Stars." That song makes way less sense without this one. (Cut "Sexy" instead if you need to cut a song since that one has absolutely no plot or character relevance. So Karen is dumb and hot. We knew that. But no, we'd rather have hot 20 somethings skimpily clad dancing sexily than deeper character development 🙄)

5. The adaptation of "I'd Rather be Me." Oof. This song is the very first one I heard on the Broadway soundtrack, and is basically the main reason I looked in to the show at all. It's a REAL banger, and Barrett Wilbert Weed KILLS it. This is basically my life motto and I can listen to this song on repeat for a long time. It's a power song about the power of just being yourself and not being afraid of what others think of you. And the movie does it.... weird? Look, I get that it's a movie and you can't just have the character stand there and sing to the camera, but this is a song by Janis to the girls of the high school. And by the end, they are singing with her, agreeing with her message. But here, she's only with the girls for the first verse. Then she's just running around singing to the camera while barging through random classrooms for no reason. And in the movie, she's singing it to be petty and bitchy, rather than the self-confidence of "I don't need you and I won't stoop to your level, and I am perfectly ok with just being myself, no matter what." I highly recommend you check out this video. It's a much better portrayal of this song.

6. Ok, "I See Stars." Like, "I'd Rather Be Me," it starts off great with Cady using it to apologize to her classmates and tell them how beautiful they all are. But then she... stops? Just stops singing the song and some rando takes over singing it in the background???? That song is like the core message of your story. It's about how EVERYONE is a beautiful and unique. And it culminates with the whole school joining in for a powerful moment of acceptance of both yourself and others around you. Instead, you get some lame dialog and Janis and Damian shoe-horning in the message of "Be Nice" at the end. Just let them sing the song!!! It does such a better job of conveying the message without beating you condescendingly over the head with it.

7. (Ok, it was fun that they got Tina Fey and Tim Meadows back. Also a Lindsay Lohan cameo. Nice homage to the original).

I get why a lot of the changes were made. It's hard to adapt a Broadway production into film and I'm sure a lot of these things were cut for time. I know I have trauma surrounding this story, but honestly I would say skip it and just go check out the soundtrack of the Broadway version instead. There's basically nothing new added to the story with this adaptation and while I appreciate the ability to check out some version of the musical without a show needing to be playing in my city and needing to buy tickets, but honestly, I didn't have that good of time. I was playing on my phone the whole time and whenever I did look up for a song I love, I was just disappointed.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk lol

[stillthewc]

YEAR OF THE FANGAN - MARCH EDITION

ꕥ DREADNOUGHT DESPAIR ꕥ

The TV Tropes Fanworks page officially strikes again! Because I lean towards fics advertised on there with character pages (as usually that indicates the characters aren't solely there to be picked off), Dreadnought Despair's been on my radar for a while. And, unsurprisingly, it exceeded expectation.

Now, in terms of the cast, I love these guys. Due to the "cozy" way of telling the story (aka focusing moreso on building relationships amongst the cast than an overarching plot about the killing game Hope's Chains style), there's space in the narrative to explore different character dynamics. Because of that, the class bounces off one another super well, and allows my faves more time to show off their fun personalities without having to keep up with a fast-paced story.

However, despite the strong cast and chill vibes, my favorite part of this fangan is easily how it presents itself.

I think the best place to start off with is the visuals, because the blog for this story looks damn gorgeous. Each character is given really nice character portraits that can even indicate in-the-moment actions the characters are taking (for example, Ishi being held back from doing something by Vash), the textboxes are colour-coded to each character, and there's even gifs for small things like maps during FTEs.

But my admiration for the presentation doesn't end with the visuals alone. The fic takes on a Last Resort / Apex Academy style of navigating (something that makes FTEs a lot funner imo), mixed media like videos and audio clips are sprinkled through the story, and foreign lines from characters like Gugalanna and Seigfried have pop-up translations if you hover over them. Hell, apparently there was a viewer poll for a decision made in the story at one point!

All of this culminates in what's easily my favorite part of this fangan: the trial segment. Now, I've played through my fair share of fun interactive trials in my hayday (aka Eden's Garden and Apex Academy, and that's literally it so far), but this has got to be the most impressive one imo. Alongside incorporating several of the things mentioned above, it also has somewhat-branching routes, fun pieces of dialogue when you get something wrong, and full-on minigames!?!?!? Seriously, the author deserves an actual prize for that Anagram Argument / Panic Talk Action segment (even if I wished the latter didn't kick my dumb ass back to the start of it when I got a choice wrong, rip 😭)

Seriously, go read it and experience everything first-hand! I promise you won't regret it!

FORMAT: Written

WHERE TO FIND IT: The hellsite itself, Tumblr

FAVORITE MOMENT: The library meeting, where most of the class discusses their motive. A lot of small pieces of insight are given about the secondary characters, it allows for more fun dynamics to blossom, and one character gets a pretty interesting reveal.

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Jurou Takahashi, a guy with a shitty mall goth aesthetic who's actually a good ol' country boy who makes flower arrangements as his talent. An absolute sweetheart just doing his best, and I adore him for it 💖

OTHER STANDOUT CHARACTERS: Tiffani Fairfax, the cranky, sarcastic technical support specialist whose cynical take on things is a blast to read, and Nikola Ragnvaldsson, a TV pitchman who does his best to mask his panicky nature with a smile, something he's really, really bad at doing.

[mcalhenwrites]

For what it's worth, I want to read your writing! lack of audience can really get to a writer but I feel sometimes one needs to be reminded of why they write? Are you writing for yourself or to please strangers, which I get is obviously important for motivation and as a professional worker but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be too down about it. I appreciate your hard work and amazing stories.

For what it's worth, I want to read your writing! Thank you, anon, that means a lot to me!

I agree with "write for yourself", because you'll never please other people/have to select who you want to please, and that's never going to end well. You can't please everyone. I used to be in the Tales series fandom, and I'd have mixed feelings about some of the games that contradicted the way others felt. I liked some of the lesser known/older games for the same reasons people hated them. So as a creator, you have to think about what feels right to yourself. It's good advice, but I have seen it taken out of context. (For the record, I don't see that happening here, because you do clarify that it's harder when you're stepping into the profession. I'll get into that in a minute, if that's okay!)

That said, I think there needs to be a distinction between writing and sharing. Writing is a process for myself, but the career aspect is stressful and straining and honestly feels hopeless most days. I hate the idea that every single part of a story needs to be about the plot, because the formulaic ways of the publishing industry don't work for every story, every writer. I think the existence of fanfic is proof enough of that, actually! So many of us love fics that cover what might have happened behind the scenes or just… we'll read fifteen different stories of the same tropes for a single ship. And tbh, I think a lot of writers - including myself - really prefer to have more canon included than the publishing industry has room for.

I'm trying to find a middle balance, personally. I want to share! I'm an avid reader, and if no one had shared, what would I have read growing up? Plus the want of financial stability, which is pressure I sincerely despise. I'd happily share everything for free if I had $100k-$120k a year for the rest of my life so I could have my house, healthcare, 3-5 cats, garden, video games, and home library. xD

Sharing is actually pretty difficult for me. I barely showed anyone my work until I was in my mid-twenties. I started writing stories down at age seven. I'm now in my thirties. But sharing is something I want to do and it doesn't get easier after all this time of trying to spread my work. Past the perfectionism (I am definitely working on this and have already made improvements) and the history of bullying I've had over my writing (of which there's been a lot). Overcoming all of that is tough. Which means I feel a little extra sensitive to the idea that if something of mine isn't getting traction, it's confirmation of all the times someone mocked my writing or vaguetweeted by a BNF to make fun of fics I'd just posted. And while I'm starting to realize that some of that likely comes from jealousy - not necessarily that I'm a great writer that poses a threat, but just that my writing means that I might take attention from them in the fandom (which is not how that works) - it's still so hard to stop thinking, "What if they were right?" when I don't get any or very few likes/reblogs or kudos/comments, etc.

I have worked very hard to be a better writer, thinking I could escape that. Now I'm beginning to recognize that that hard work has paid off, but I was also never as bad as everyone made me feel (including myself). I want to keep working hard, because my standards for myself are high.

My writing makes me so happy, I can't describe how much. So even through all the pain above? I still do it. I just think that maybe there needs to be more separation between writing and the results of that ever reaching the public eye. (Most of my writing doesn't. I write a lot. XD)

Sorry to get a little real there. And so lengthy, ugh! I never can say things briefly.

Thank you for reading out, though, and thank you for reading my writing. There are more people reading my works than I know, but sometimes I fear that I'm the only one who will want what I'm making.

I've had IRL and health issues bringing me down too, which overlapped with stressing out over the editing of the next chapter of the story I've been posting. That chapter wasn't making me happy, so I'm taking a break, ignoring it a few days, and going back with fresh eyes later. So that all was knocking down my mood, and seeing only one person comment on the latest chapter, I was like, "Oh, maybe I'm just making a big old mess of this story"… perhaps because I see the mess in my head? Every possible path I threw out, every scene I want to write but won't fit in the story, every part I feel is lacking, every bit of character and world info, etc. Is that translating into something coherent on the page, I wonder, and… it's a lot to think about.

Sorry for TL;DR on this answer, and again: thank you. ;A;

[teen-media-review-world]

"Don't waste your time with small-minded people who would look down on someone not like them."

[REVIEW] Teen Graphic Novel - The Nameless City by Faith Erin Hicks

Image credit: Faith Erin Hicks (illustrator)

Awards and Accolades

2016 VLA Graphic Novel Diversity Award

2018 Rocky Mountain Book Award

2019 Christie Harris Illustrated Children's Literature Prize

Related Media

In 2016, Faith Erin Hicks sat down with PBS Books at the Miami Book Fair to discuss The Nameless City, including her artistic and creative process. The Nameless City is a very different novel than much of her other works, and this PBS Books interview dives deep into her inspiration for such a unique premise.

⚠️ This video contains mild spoilers for The Nameless City and other books written by Faith Erin Hicks.

The Nameless City is the first book in a three-part series.

Image credit: CanLit for Little Canadians

Plot Synopsis

The Nameless City is a 2016 graphic novel by Faith Erin hicks. It tells the story of the Nameless City—that is, a city that gets renamed every time it is conquered. The City is in a constant state of cyclical war and peace due to its strategic location as a lucrative stop along an efficient trade route. Various nations have continued to battle over the City for centuries, with the Dao currently having control. At the same time, the Dao have their own homeland and are still trying to bolster their defenses in their conquered City. Thus, they rely on Dao children like Kaidu to make their way into the City, training to one day become soldiers that will defend the City against warring tribes. During Kai's first few days in the city, his father takes him out of the central Dao palace to show him around the city. There, Kai tastes delicious food and witnesses incredible architecture. But, he also sees hunger and poverty among the native people who are indigenous to the City. Over the next few days, he travels to the City and meets Rat, a native of the City. Over the course of a month, she teaches him how to traverse the rooftops in the City in exchange for food. Soon, the two develop a strong companionship.

One day, Rat overhears a dastardly plot to kill the current Dao leader of the City. At first, she doesn't care—the Dao leader is occupying her native land. In her eyes, he's better off dead anyway. But, after she gets caught sneaking into his private library, the Dao leader speaks kindly to her and understands her negative emotions towards him. He gifts her a book from his library and lets her go without consequence. After this kind exchange, Rat returns to the palace to try and warn the Dao leader about his impending doom, but she's dispatched by his guards. She's rescued by Kai and tells him about the danger the Dao leader is in. Now, it's up to Kai to save the leader, who may not be as evil as Rat originally thought.

Review

The Nameless City details the heartbreaking truths that arise when indigenous land becomes occupied. Hicks artfully navigates these issues, including racism and colonization. This issue is even more complex when viewed through the eyes of teenagers on both sides of the conflict. Hicks' novel speaks to the fact that much of our actions are, in fact, taught—teenagers can be caught up int eh views and opinions of their parents and elders while still trying to formulate their own perspectives based on their experiences. This can create conflict as teens try to find their place in the world, especially as they realize that they may play a greater role in someone else's suffering than they had previously thought. The Nameless City showcases the power of empathy toward people who are different than you, even when most of the people around you seem to have none. At the same time, Hicks balances the severity of this topic with humor throughout the novel, maintaining a light-hearted tone as friendship prevails throughout the story.

Credit

Hicks, F.M. (2016). The Nameless City. First Second.

[frogtanii]

[buckle up; this one is a long one (1.6k words)]

things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.

she was supposed to show up, apologize “sincerely,” and the boys, her boys, were supposed to welcome her with open arms and swiftly discard of you.

instead, she was sitting in the back of a cramped police car with two pigs, one of which had a horrible b.o. problem and an affinity for sauerkraut.

it was so frustrating.

and, of course, it was all your fault.

you’d been blocking her from true happiness ever since the beginning when you’d first met in middle school. it was crazy because you’d actually seemed nice; kind, understanding, and you didn’t judge her for what her father did to her mother or for how she acted out because of that.

sure, you were a little weird and sometimes you could be downright rude to other kids in your class but you cared for her in a way that no one else had before.

(un)fortunately, you didn’t come alone — you were a packaged deal. your childhood friend, daishou, came into her life right along with you. she didn’t mind at first; daishou was fun when he wanted to be but he was mostly full of snarky comments and sarcastic quips.

the three of you spent all your time with each other; from playing at the playground to helping her begin her makeup youtube channel in 8th grade.

you all got along pretty well up until you got to highschool. once there, you threw yourself into your studies, sort of retracting yourself from her and daishou.

how selfish.

she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by you—you knew how bad she was at making friends and you didn’t even care, leaving her all alone to fend for herself.

well, not all by herself.

daishou was a constant. no matter where she was, or how alone she was feeling, he was there to provide entertainment at the most, and his presence at the least.

it wasn’t always the healthiest, most functional friendship, she could admit that. there were weeks that daishou would choose to ignore her for no apparent rhyme or reason, citing his explanation as he just didn’t feel like it.

obviously it sucked but he was her only friend, ever since you so cruelly abandoned them. i mean, you still ate lunch with them every day and invited them over to study and hang out, but it was not the same.

with you so absent, she grew closer and closer to daishou to the point she was spending almost every waking moment with him. and, as the story so goes, she fell for him, head over heels.

she knew it was a bad idea, if their friendship was anything to go off of but she didn’t care. she was desperate for love and physical affection and he seemed willing to at least give her the latter.

after she decided to confess, nerves all the way in her throat and a box of chocolates behind her back, daishou took her virginity in the back of his ford fusion, hard, fast and nothing like she’d imagined.

the next day, she’d cornered you in the library (where you always seemed to be) to tell you the good news. your face was unusually blank as she detailed the best night of her life to you, your response being less than stellar when she was done. “please be careful,” you had said.

what did that even mean? you clearly wanted to keep daishou safe from her which was ridiculous because weren’t you supposed to be her friend too? she’d stormed out of the library after that, determined to demand a kiss from daishou to make her feel better.

that day was one of the last that she’d see you for a while. you got caught up with clubs and schoolwork (and apparently therapy for god knows what) while she got caught up with daishou.

things with him weren’t... great. they never really were but things were getting even worse. his random bouts of silence got longer and though it was only freshman year and they’d been dating for less than 5 months, he’d meet with her after school with a hickey plastered on his collarbone that she knew she didn’t put there (she sucked even harder over the spot to claim it as her own).

as she said, things weren’t great but they weren’t horrible either. they remained that way all the way up until sophomore year.

you and her had drifted even further, hardly speaking to one another unless it was for a project or to vaguely greet one another in the halls. it was okay though. you had all your other friends and she... well she had daishou.

speaking of, her “boyfriend” had been more distant than usual. she wasn’t an idiot and she knew he’d been seeing other girls on the side, but she believed she would be the one he’d end up with, the one he’d marry.

how foolish she had been.

it was prom night and she felt beautiful. her beauty channel had finally begun picking up traction (she’d just hit 13k subscribers the night before!!) so she filmed a prom night makeup tutorial, making sure that every square inch of her face was perfect. donning a silky blue floor length dress, she felt like a princess and she certainly looked the part.

she showed up to daishou’s house about 30 minutes before the event, ringing his doorbell with an elated grin painted all over her face. he had mentioned in passing that his parents and older sister would be out for the weekend, leaving the house for themselves. that meant sex and sex meant being wanted.

after the third ring of the bell, she started to get nervous. maybe he wasn’t ready yet? maybe he needed help with his tie? just when she was about to wring the bell again, the door swung open to reveal daishou... not in his suit.

“oh, it’s you,” he’d grumbled. “‘m not goin’ to prom.” she felt her breath catch in her throat. she’d protested and begged for an explanation but he wouldn’t give one to her. eventually, she’d followed him into his house, furious because how could he do this to her? on her night?

it didn’t take very long for him to get fed up, his snake-like eyes honing in on her, filled with venom. “‘m not goin’ because i don’t like you anymore. you still look pretty though.”

just like that, with just a few words, he’d shattered her heart. she was frozen in place, completely disconnected from daishou, her love, as he not-so-gently pushed her out the door, slamming it in her face.

she felt tears stream down her cheeks and before she knew it, her legs were carrying her to a place she hadn’t been in months.

banging frantically on the door, she cried out, begging for someone, anyone to hear her. the door opened quickly and there you stood. you’d clearly been studying but as you took in her frazzled appearance, it seemed as though your heart broke.

you ushered her inside, sat her own the couch, and began to make her a cup of tea, your parents having been out for the night as well. once the kettle went off, you quickly prepped her drink and gave it to her, the words flowing out of her like liquid once she had taken a sip.

she didn’t know why she was even there but despite the animosity between the two of you, you seemed like you truly... cared. (neither of you mentioned the tears that stained your favorite t shirt or the quiet apologies you muttered into her hair).

that night quickly went and passed and by the next day, she was feeling rejuvenated and more like herself. however, that feeling quickly dissipated when she caught you in the hallway between classes speaking with daishou behind the stairwell in hushed tones.

within the span of a few hours, her heart had been broken twice and she was sure she’d never felt such heartache before.

she turned on her heel and darted away, avoiding your every attempt to talk to her for weeks and weeks until you just... stopped trying. after you’d cut off conversation, yet again, the sadness quickly festered and morphed into anger.

that anger only grew when she watched you graduate at the top of your class in your senior year, your smile blinding as you accepted your diploma. it only grew when she saw that you had made it into the university of your choice on your instagram story, her own rejection letter torn up in the bottom of her wastebin. it only grew when she saw you’d made your own youtube channel, her own going untouched and neglected (her last video had been a half-assed “get ready with me” that had more dislikes than likes due to her horrible makeup and even worse attitude).

soon enough, the rage had intensified until it had taken over her whole being. she was just so angry at all that you’d done to her, all the ways you’d ruined her life that she couldn’t keep herself from plotting your demise.

when she got the email from the hyper house management team that invited her into the house and offered the option that she could pick someone she wanted to move in as well, her anger turned into excitement.

this was her chance. this was her moment to turn your life into a living hell, to make it at least a fraction of what she went through by your hands.

she was going to make you pay and god, was it going to feel great.

the metal of the handcuffs chafed her wrists as she adjusted herself against the cool leather of the cruiser, the discomfort removing her from her reverie.

yeah, right. it seemed as though she was the only one “paying” right about now.

she tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling, tears filling her eyes but refusing to fall.

things definitely weren’t meant to turn out like this. not at all.

℗ poker face

not like this

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - OMFG THE BACKSTORY REVEALED I AM SO OVER IT >:(( this took me forever to write and i still wasn’t able to include everything i wanted to so hop over to my asks if you need any clarification!! oh oh && just a reminder, this playlist is from meiko’s perspective so chances are, things didn’t exactly go just like this wink wonk KAJS ANYWAYS DONT FORGET TO FEED ME ILY <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[mellarkably]

I 100% agree with ur predictions. It’s what I am leaning more towards too. The only thing still unclear to me is the Ben promo pic looking at Devi in her locker, would go ahead and assume it’s after NYC when they’re finally besties again. The pic of them studying or some sorts is still unclear to me which episode but will go ahead and say around 406. And that random clip of Devi in a bed (? with a metallic outfit on it must be from the NYC episode. There’s a lot of things I’m still confused about but I agree with ur theories and how everything gets a conclusion.

I think that Devi/Paxton scene is the only one explicitly romantic they’ll get because it will serve as a conclusion for their arc. The writers high key closed their arc well on Season 3 and the only reason Paxton is a coach is to keep Darren in the finale season. That’s very clear. But their arc was pretty much completed.

Devi and Ben for sure will have sex again after prom on Devi’s room but this time it won’t be like 401 because they are clear on it and Devi isn’t doing it out of rush but there’s a lot of love and softness in it. We might even see the after match of them being calm and not longer the awkwardness after their first time.

I even thought about how in that Jaren and Maitreyi celebration video for their last scene. Mait is wearing the corsage but not her updo hairstyle from prom so it must be another attempt at prom. A clever person said that it looks like it could be her graduation dress since Devi is wearing her hair down similarly to that video but the outfit is covered by the red graduation gown so this could be the same episode of their graduation (Devi gets to be valedictorian) and Ben prepares a “retry” of prom for her.

*I might go further and say the library scene is a flash toward scene to college.

hello anon! glad to hear you agree with my predictions.

the promo pic i think you're talking about (inserted below) is actually from 406! so yes, it's after the club fight in 405, which im still assuming is nyc since the settings for every scene in this episode seems different than the show's usual sets. he seems very fond of her here and i assume they're engaging in their routine locker banter. its what gave me the impression that they patch things up after the club incident.

as for the pic of them studying which i am also putting below (correct me if its not the one you're talking about) its from 409. the same episode as prom. im assuming its before because i don't really see them placing prom at the beginning of an episode, but it could be possible that it's the morning after he climbs into her window and whatever happens after.

devi in this outfit still has me confused. she looks amazing, but it's clear its in some effort to seduce a guy, im assuming. i do agree with you about it being in nyc, although im not sure. my guess? she's decorated ethan's hotel room to have sex with him. its giving the same vibes as devi trying to have sex with des. again, don't know what and why or how this fits into the main plot, but i guess we'll see. it doesn't help that i can't seem to figure out which episode this is in.

you're much more hopeful than me to believe the supply closet scene is their only romantic scene. considering she's already romantically involved with ethan in the first half of the season, id say that makes sense considering the time we have left to develop ben and devi. but this show always throws me off-guard so fingers crossed its true! really did feel like they closed off their arc in s3 but i guess some closure is allowed, still it just feels like dragging atp.

agree on prom! if not sex, some form of intimacy has to happen. whether its a really honest pillow talk, or a full on romantic scene, we'll have to wait till june to see.

you're very right about her hair! although it could be just the actress letting her hair down after filming. about the dress, it seems to be a part of an american eagle campaign which she was a part of, so i don't know if its as much a graduation dress as just a part of maitreyi's wardrobe. i could be wrong though and regardless, am holding out hope for a prom redo of sorts.

the library scene could very much be a flash forward! i actually think that makes the most sense. considering the timeline.

[serenityseventeen]

The Letter Box

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

Inspired by: To All The Boys I've Love Before by Jenny Han

The letters are written in first person and I will not be continuing this mini series (meaning that I won't make a particular storyline like the movie & book) since the main purpose of it is the letters.

The pictures that are added along with the letters have almost no relevance to the letter itself

-----------------

Arriving at the old house, you smiled, holding a box in your hands. Now that your father had passed away from sickness, the house had fallen into your hands. It was perfect timing too, as you needed a place to stay.

Upon entering the house, memories flooded your mind. The scent still hadn't changed and though the furniture got a bit dusty, it was fine.

The first place you went was your room, across the living room and hallway, beside the bathroom.

Everything was frozen in time. Ever since you moved out into an apartment to live a bit closer to your workplace, your father promised not to touch your room. You smiled, thankful that he kept his word.

You set the box of your belongings down on the ground and sat on the bed. He didn't even bother to clean the room, did he?

The pastel pink blankets were dusty and the large window across from your bed had it's dark blue curtains drawn.

Before you could settle in, you had to clean up the room, obviously. So, you started looking around, in your night table drawers, under your bed, etc.

When rummaging inside your closet, you come upon a a small box. It was bright yellow and had a bunch of different stickers applied on it's sides. The box was a perfect square.

As you lifted the lid of the square box, a smile appeared on your face as the memories slowly came back. You looked at the box with fascination, remembering the memories that came along with it.

It's a box filled with letters. Not just any kind of letters, special ones. It's a box to all the boys you've loved before.

You didn't send those letters, quite obviously, because it's about the people you've been in love with, but that doesn't mean they love you back. Of course, maybe some of them did love you back. Even so, who mails the person they've been in love with their love letter?

Anyway, this was a box of letters containing the memories for each boy you've ever grown a strong passion, fondness, and overall love for. Love was hard to explain in words. You just knew that you love them back then.

There were thirteen letters.

Thirteen letters stuck in this box.

Thirteen letters frozen in time.

Thirteen letters of your thirteen love stories.

-----------------

THE FIRST LETTER: Choi Seungcheol

A letter to your first love, Choi Seungcheol, who has gone to the same school as you ever since you two were kids. You two live a block across from each other and go to the same bus stop. He seems to be protective of you but at the same time not.

THE SECOND LETTER: Yoon Jeonghan

During your freshman year in high school, you meet a guy named Yoon Jeonghan, who plays basketball, is mischievous, and seems to be showing romantic interest in you. He suddenly disappears and you decide to write a confession letter to him.

THE THIRD LETTER: Hong Jisoo/Joshua

You begin to fall in love with your caring, sweet, and gentle new neighbor but upon overhearing him tell his friend that he doesn't like you romantically, you decide to write him a letter and end your romantic feelings.

THE FOURTH LETTER: Wen Junhui

This is a letter to reminisce and thank your first boyfriend, Jun. You write this letter expressing how thankful you were to have a great, loving, caring, and sweet boyfriend like him by your side, until you two broke up due to him having to leave.

The FIFTH LETTER: Kwon Soonyoung

You liked Soonyoung but most of all, you're grateful to him. You write a letter expressing your thanks toward him for being so caring and helping you become a dancer, as well as a confession about your feelings.

THE SIXTH LETTER: Lee Jihoon

You meet Jihoon in your tech audio class and he helps teach you about music. You two are slowly getting closer but Jihoon's friend leaks that he likes you to your friends. Your friends tease you two excessively, causing you two to drift apart.

THE SEVENTH LETTER: Jeon Wonwoo

Wonwoo meets you in the town's book club and sees you after school in the local library. You two fall in love and he's a warm, comforting, and loving boyfriend, but sometimes you can't help but feel that he's hiding his true self. This doesn't matter to you though because the memories you two had were enough to hold on to.

THE EIGHTH LETTER: Xu Minghao

You fall in love with a friend you meet in college after being away from love for a while. You don't realize that you were too ahead of yourself. Then, you realize that you mistook his friendly hangouts and gestures. He friend-zones you.

THE NINTH LETTER: Kim Mingyu

You take a part-time job at a cafe to make money for yourself and your father, who's in the hospital. You fall in love with Kim Mingyu, one of your senior coworkers, but decide to break up with him because you don't want your problems to become a burden.

THE TENTH LETTER: Lee Seokmin

After your breakup, you begin having an even harder time than you imagined. However, one day, you hear a beautiful voice from a beautiful man. You two fall in love and begin dating. He's sweet, lovely, warm, and like your healer, his name is Seokmin, and his dream is to sing.

THE ELEVENTH LETTER: Boo Seungkwan

Seungkwan is a regular at the cafe you work at. He always makes you laugh with his jokes. You two grow a bit closer but because you want to focus on your studies, you reject his confession. You begin to realize your feelings, but you don't confess because of the terrible, unlucky timing.

THE TWELFTH LETTER: Vernon Chwe

On your last year of graduate school, you meet Vernon, who saves you from getting hit by a bike. To repay him, you two start hanging out around each other. You two find each other as a source of comfort and are able to tell each other your insecurities, becoming good friends.

THE THIRTEENTH LETTER: Lee Chan

After graduating from grad school, you meet Lee Chan in a dance club and fall head over heels for him. You two begin dating and develop a summer romance but it seems more physical than actual love. After summer, he ghosts you, and you don't know why.

-------------------

© serenityseventeen

a/n: So while watching a book recommendation video, I came across To All The Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han and when I heard of the plot involving letters, I was inspired to create this! I'll put off requests for a bit to complete this mini series and put my creative writing abilities to the test. This mini series is sort of for myself I feel like.

+ get better, feel better, healthier, recover steadily, sending my best wishes to Minghao & S.coups!

[cupidcreates]

hiii cupid! question for you: if you had to give the chaos plus chat crew popular au jobs, who would go where? like character A in a coffee shop, B in a tattoo parlour, etc. their dynamic is one of my faves that you’ve created, hope your muse hits to write for them again one day 💜

Great Question! I haven't thought much about them recently but I might do something small for this group in future. They are very cute <3

For the jobs though:

Reader - Generic Office Job

I think I would like to keep the reader’s job pretty generic for the most part. Even if you’ve not worked an office job there’s a fuckton of shows that depict office jobs in various degrees of realism so you would at least of some reference to what they’re like.

Plus the office is a great place for shenanigans I think so if nothing else it’s a good place for some kind of plot point or funny happenstance.

Izuku - Barista

Deku’s got such a nice smile and a friendly demeanor he’d be perfect for a barista job. I could see him being knowledgeable about coffee but not a snob so he’ll draw in all sorts of customers.

I also think he’d be good a de-escalation, a necessary skill for a job that attracts so many confrontational personalities. Plus he’d be adorable in the little barista apron I think.

Todoroki - Library/Bookstore

Feel like Todoroki would prefer the quiet environment of a bookstore or library. It’s a job he can do with minimal issue most days and I think he’d covet something like that. He’s got such a hectic life it’d be nice for him to go somewhere to just chill for a few hours, so if he can do that AND make money it’s a win-win.

Not only this but I think Todoroki would enjoy people-watching. This is a reasonably safe environment so if he was caught staring at any point he could just play it off as wanting to help the customer. Todoroki gives me very “I love reading” vibes as well. Discount books!

Bakugou - Bartender

Like a Barista but cooler. I could definitely see Bakugou being a no-nonsense bartender who does his job and does it fucking well. No one would really mind his attitude because they know he’ll fix them up something that’ll get them wasted before they’re even halfway through it.

This also blends pretty well with the popular trope of making Bakugou a chef or cook of some sort. We got one episode of him cutting food and some throwaway lines about proper vegetable preparation and we all latched onto the idea that he’d be great in the kitchen lol. I like the image of a heavily tattooed, heavily scarred Bartender Bakugou.

Shinsou - Record Shop

One of them real old and dusty ones. The ones that you’re sure are one bad week away from going under but never seem to disappear. Nestled in a brick building between two large chains it’s a real blink and you’ll miss it situation.

Shinsou would love working there because of the low foot traffic and early closing hours lol. But I could also see him having a passion for old and outdated video/music mediums. A sort of fascination with tech that’s been left behind and a love for musical history.

Kirishima - Flower Shop

Nothing like a big ass himbo working at a cutesy flower shop. I think Kiri would look great surrounded by pastel decorations and bright flora. Could liken his smile to the sun that gives the plants life because we all know he’s the goodest of good boys.

Kirishima would love working at a flowershop too I think, it’s manly to be responsible for the life of another being! He also doesn’t mind the discounts he gets on flowers. They help his apartment smell nice and floral instead of stinking like sweat and workout equipment.

[delusion-of-negation]

my five best writing tips I can give:

1) character driven: almost every moment has to be the result of character decisions. if some detached group does it then ideally try to have a character in the story who shares their views and ideology, so you can explore it personally. and those actions and decisions should be so aligned with the beliefs that nothing feels off, unless you're actively having a character do a thing based on a motivation not revealed yet. a dude blowing up the city because he's the bad man, despite it being against his ideology, will stand out as being just some forced bullshit. a wise youtube video once said if we believe that a character has inner strength then we believe in their outer strength - character first applies to their own traits, don't just say they can lift a house, show them having the internal strength and audiences will believe them when they do. same with beauty, grace, authority, and so on. this is why dudes writing about her giant boob that go wiggle wiggle don't create characters that we genuinely feel are beautiful, there's the lack of belief in the character's inner beauty as there's no three dimensional brain behind that huge bahonkadonk, that squishy watermelon. we've gotta feel these things, not be told them. don't show them 4, show them 2 x 2; pixar said that afaik, and I think it conveys the idea much better than the normal "show don't tell" phrase. eg taking a punch and getting back up matters way more to perception than dishing out hits. along with this, agency is the key to characters that feel real and aren't tropey; people have an inner world and feelings, they make choices to drive the plot, they feel things, they're people. "the bad guy" will also have good traits, and a good guy will have bad traits, traits can be bad and good depending on circumstances, when something negative can become useful, and it usually is best to play with the grey area there, to have traits that work together in a person to form a whole, and that aren't just binary or one dimensional. make their bad and good traits a part of the same comprehensible ideology and being, so that people get a full picture of them.

2) foreshadowing: your ending is a house, you take the house apart brick by brick, then play that process in reverse, and here's your story. planning things out in advance is a good idea; would you drive a car that was built by people who didn't know what an engine looked like? foreshadowing isn't dropping hints every now and then that the sky will fall, it's having a tale about weather where the raindrops are getting bigger and bigger, atlas is getting tired and his knees are bent, the stars look a little bit closer than last night - folks likely will pick up, or not. having the town be named "falling sky" in latin isn't foreshadowing, it's coincidence. stop that. seriously just fucking build up to it and have all the pieces in place - being cryptic to flex those latin lessons just looks like you're too lazy to be making actual hints in the characters' actions. don't be afraid of redundant details, not every word has to be pointing in the right direction, sometimes a misdirection is fun, sometimes a background detail makes the world more alive. but ultimately it needs to be building to that in believable ways, not as scattered cryptic clues, but as a whole piece setting the foundations. again, you're showing them 2 x 2, you're aren't having the vague shape of 4 floating on a sign. later behaviours are foreshadowed in character outlooks and lesser presentations of that same behaviour, for example. foreshadowing is when you show the building blocks effectively, it isn't when hints are just riddler style random lines.

3) arc ending is story ending: it's better to end with a couple loose threads or no happily ever after than to end six chapters too late because you were busy making sure we knew that they had eight kids a decade later and the library's books were returned and he had that pizza he always wanted and... shut up. show restraint. fit it in earlier, leave it up to the imagination, or cut it altogether. dragging on too long shifts a slice of focus away from the arcs and themes. redundant details are fine as long as you don't end up with several entire chapters of nothing but useless and uninteresting redundant bits, after a totally reasonable, natural end to what you were trying to say. pacing is important, it's especially important with the climax because it's the climax. tbqh a lot of epilogues drag on, this huge crash down from your emotions and you're being told about older him having facial hair now... yeah duh, bitch I was just fighting a dark lord, what is this whiplash to boredom? it doesn't mean epilogues are useless, but try to remember how the emotions will change and what you're trying to accomplish using those. big battles aren't necessarily arc endings, that will be where an epilogue comes in, for the arc. you built the house and made 4, so look at the completed work and then leave, don't make it seem like something else was that final image. arcane season one ended with a character arc ending and the fears re the tech being realised, they ended before the big explosion because a bang isn't what you're supposed to leave with, you leave with a mood and the completed arcs.

4) twists are dumb: no, twists aren't dumb, but twists for the sake of twists are dumb. "well mr reader, it seems you've fallen right into my trap because even though every line of dialogue up to this point becomes needlessly convoluted if we're to assume this was always the case, I am actually batman! yes yes I know they found my joker dna at the crime scene but that was a red herring!" shut up, oh my god. this is just @ star wars and doctor who to be honest. I hate this. surprise isn't the only emotion; satisfaction at spotting something, sadness for what you can tell is coming but the characters can't, a tense anticipation, and more, can all be achieved. try to focus on making a nice rug, instead of how you're going to yank it out from under people. twists aren't impossible or invaluable, but just aim to use them well, foreshadow them well as said above, and make sure anything prior isn't rendered stupid by the twist - if your character says something that'd be ridiculously illogical wording once you know the twist, change that dialogue. re-reading while knowing the twist is supposed to add a layer of depth, not detract. you want re-readers to go "fuck, this hurts way more now that I know what's coming", not "oh why did he say that? it makes no sense now?" twists should make more sense than what the original assumption was once you know them. the key to this is to maintain the verisimilitude. re-watch season one of the good place just to pay close attention to michael's reactions for a good example of how twists can be done well.

5) don't kill your darlings: it isn't a perfect rule. what the advice usually means is that when a feature (character, idea, scene, dialogue, and anything like that) is super duper dear to you, despite the niggling feeling that it's not doing much contributing, have the balls to snip that. this is a case-by-case thing; there's probably a reason it's so dear to you, so I'd advise that you introspect, figure that out, and find how to use that. you can incorporate part of it elsewhere, maybe keep it because it's an important piece of character exploration even if it doesn't make the plot go choo-choo. "kill everything that did not affect the plot" is kinda absurd, things can totally be useful for other reasons, for a break, for character, for worldbuilding, for a joke, and so on, it's all just case-by-case. but tbh I have seen some weird uses of this phrase: eg as the demand that you need a small cast, and a very intense veneration of killing off characters you like the most. again, the cast should be as big or small as it needs to be, and what deaths are necessary depends on the story. tl;dr there are going to be times that things you like have got to be removed or killed, but you like them for a reason, and you should figure out why and use that - you're the audience too, you like certain ideas because the audience probably will too. there are ways to get inventive or redundant in some degree, you don't have to have perfectly streamlined everything, explore those feelings. provided it's not the epilogue. kill that. I hate it.

bonus tip: there are no rules. suck a dick, grab some opium and an old typewriter, and let the ancient gods send their horrors through you.

[fermented-writers-block]

Lus and the Human Portal Clone Theory

Even before Keeping Up A-fear-ances aired, I have been working for almost a year now on running through all the possible various suspects with wonderful folks like @sepublic​ , @anistarrose​ , and @elementalist-kdj​ . Like the post title indicates, from sheer process of elimination, the only conclusion that made sense to me was a clone made of Luz by the portal door, and I’ve been working on refining and reworking said conclusion up to the version I will lay out here.

Now, as @safetayy​ , @theowlhouseheadcanons , and @50shades-of-blue have heard from me before, the portal I've long suspected was not made to go from the Demon Realm to the Human Realm, but rather to go from the Human Realm to the Demon Realm by humans, for humans. This is because it then could tie into the hypothetical existence of a Luz clone without having the issue of asking where Eda, Lilith, and King's clones are, as the clone in this case is the result of a function of the door to create a basic level duplicate of any human that passes through it rather than it happening for just anyone that passes through.

With this, it's because the suitcase form of the portal looks as thought it indicates it was used for temporary trips to the Demon Realm, much like how suitcases were used when railways and international boats made travel more accessible for the middle and lower classes. For example:

Going by the way the door “faces” and the way it swings open, the ergonomics of the portal makes it look an awful lot like a right handed out swing door, with the Human Realm on the “inside” and the Demon Realm on the “outside.” And the arrow in the diagram depicts the general direction of traffic that such right handed, out swing doors are typically design with in mind - ergo, showing what way the portal appears to facilitate travel in.

Now, before you ask, the reason why I think the portal could have been created in the human realm in the first place is that it might require an extra component/bit of help or two from the Owl Deity which I’ve discussed before in the past as hinted by these connected designs:

I’ll explore how I feel the revelation that such a twist about the portal’s origins could play into the themes and narrative of the show under the cut, but overall, I feel these are potential significant details to keep in mind for the rest of this arc of building a new door and handling the idea of Lus having initially been made as a temporary-duration clone, hence how "Luz" comes off so uncannily in the letters as she wasn't meant for long term impersonations.

That, and why I named this the Human Portal Clone theory, for those wondering about the name.

Alongside this, my thought has been that walking back through the portal to the Human Realm basically makes the portal send a recall signal to tell the clone to return to it, where the clone would be reabsorbed into the portal and its memories are given to the original. However, with Luz going back into the Demon Realm for a brief time in YBOS, I am of the mind that it doesn’t just make another clone, but rather that doing so merely made the door turn off the recall signal and allowed "Lus" to resume the impersonation.

And as for the clone itself and why they’re writing letters to Camila, well, imagine it from Lus' perspective. To her at the time of creation, the last thing she probably knew was that she had been chasing the cute little owl that took her Azura book into the woods, and right when the bus to Reality Check Camp was about to arrive.

Also, if you think about it, Lus being the work of someone we/don’t know yet raises way more plot threads/questions than answers compared to being the work of the portal, as outlined below:

TLDR at end of post for those wondering

Belos? How and why before YBOS where he actually started paying attention to Luz for the first time and actually got his hands on a portal? 

Eda? Why would she do all this and not tell Luz she can goof around without needing to worry about her mom or the camp/in time to fool the camp, especially when it took a good amount of time for Eda to even start feeling that close to Luz? 

Hooty got ruled out from the getgo since he can’t hold pencils, King just isn’t that subtle, and everyone else that Luz knows has the major issues of just straight up not knowing about the camp in the first place. Well, that and a lack of another known method of getting to the Human Realm in the first place.

The camp? Why would they worry about a missing camper whose disappearance is all HER fault and thus would more logically result in a call to her parent than some convoluted clone conspiracy? 

And finally, some currently completely unknown third party?

If we’re talking a Changeling, A) it’d be easy for Luz to dismiss them and B) that just makes all the ominous portrayal of Lus super straightforward instead of a subversion like is the show’s shtick.

If we’re talking dimensional counterparts, A) they have to REALLY have led a very similar life to Luz’s in order for there to be enough common ground for Luz to listen, and B) dimensional counterparts aren’t even a confirmed or likely thing that people cooked up from Episode 1 side characters influenced by Amity’s concept art.

And if we’re talking some complete surprise third party group or another, it doesn’t make sense to introduce a third party and their motives and plans to the show this late in when Belos is already taking up the bulk of it all.

Hell, if anything, the continued existence of the duplicate in of itself would indicate that the target of the conspiracy is none other than Camila Noceda than anything to do with Luz or Eda, especially with the complete lack of anyone taking advantage of Luz and or Eda. 

From the getgo, Witches Before Wizards already hard-baked into the show the idea that Luz is NOT inherently special or anything into the foundations of the show from the getgo - ergo, Camila likely just is an absolutely regular human being, someone who has no justification for such a convoluted conspiracy to surround them.

That said, I believe that the idea of the portal having originated from the Human Realm could potentially play into some interesting stories to be had with Camila and Lus here, especially as the conspiracy board shot from the promo was confirmed by Dana to apparently be from S2A, not from the episodes past Yesterday’s Lie:

After all, with Luz searching the library for a way home this coming episodes, perhaps she might figure out something the next couple of episodes that allows her texts to send through, which would logically lead to the above picture. That, and Camila and Lus being confused by and trying to figure out what’s going on there.

I mean, the cabin in the woods likely has a very close connection to the portal and it’s origins given how closely tied the two structures seem to be, and as far as we can tell, Luz never mentioned the cabin in her videos to Camila, but if Lus tries to retrace her steps, that would be a natural vector to lead Camila to the cabin and thus allow us a chance to actually investigate it.

That said, all following the trail would do is lead her and Lus to a dead end at the abandoned cabin, where they would have nothing else to do except discuss their complicated relationship concerning Luz and twiddle their thumbs while waiting for Luz to finish things on her end - which while something I think would be interesting to see, I just don’t see how much of a way to keep them in the greater picture of the show without some kind of project or activity that the two of them could work together on on screen. 

And that’s what leads me to a particular train of thought here, starting with the question of what if Luz FAILS to make a working portal over the course of S2A and such?

With the possible in-universe mystery over what the heck is going on with Lus, perhaps the cabin might hold some notes from the original last human owner - if not potentially the creator - of Eda’s portal as well as potentially some of the same materials and such from previous trips.

Cue CAMILA building a working portal, following in the footsteps of the original creator and such and thus finding a reason to stay on screen, all the while potentially demonstrating both why Belos wanted the portal instead of making his own, as well as diving into the Owl Deity’s connection with the original portal. Heck, maybe the Owl Deity is only accessible in the Human Realm and that plays a part in Belos wanting to get to the Human Realm, which would bring Camila directly into contact with the magic her daughter has been interacting with.

Also, just imagine the internal conflict going on here with Lus. After all, helping Camila build a portal to get the original Luz -and hoo boy would that be a tough thing to grapple with- would most definitely do that and make both Lus AND Camila question how much the latter likes Lus vs Luz.

Like, just imagine it. There would be major chances for Lus and Camila to discuss what would happen if and when they’re finished with the portal, and what will happen to Lus’ relationship with Camila if and when Luz gets back.

Does Camila really prefer her daughter to be all more “normal” like Lus, or does she prefer the old, “weird” daughter from before the summer with Luz?

Perhaps she might be able to figure out how to strike a nuanced balance between the two, and all on a metaphorical journey to truly build a better connection between her and her daughter(s?). 

TLDR: Or in short, I can’t help but feel it would be fitting to see Camila building a bridge WITH Lus TO Luz. 

Particularly, by being the one to craft an actual working portal in the Human Realm instead of Luz in the Demon Realm, showing a parent putting in an active effort to get down to their child’s level rather than waiting for said child to try to get up to their parent’s level even if they can’t or find it incredibly hard to do so.

[letstalkloz]

Let's Talk the Ocarina of Time Manga

Written by manga duo under the pen name Akira Himekawa, the Ocarina of Time manga was published in Japan in 2000, and hit shelves in America in 2008. To adapt the story on paper, changes from the original game had to be made. I’m going to split this up by going over those changes to see what translated well on the page, and what should've stayed more faithful to the original game's story.

I will admit right off the bat that I may be biased in this post. My first introduction to Ocarina of Time was through the manga. I didn't have a way to play the game when I was younger, but my local library had all of The Legend of Zelda manga. That being said, both the game and the manga have a very special place in my heart. How well did Himekawa’s adaptation do though? This will contain spoilers for both parts of the manga, but if you’ve already read it, or don’t care about plot spoilers, then let’s talk about it.

The Good

Starting with the changes that work, Link building some of the early weapons and equipment himself was a great way to give us some insight on Link’s character. For a video game, Link’s personality is kept sort of vague, that was the player can put themselves in his shoes. For a manga though, you want to follow a protagonist that has a more recognizable personality. By showing us Link’s innovation in creating the slingshot, and his resourcefulness in carving the Deku shield, we start to see hero-like qualities that reassure us that Link will be just fine on his own once he leaves Kokiri Forest.

Continuing with the characters and their personalities, once Link makes it to Castle Town, instead of making a beeline for the castle, he runs into a young girl close to his age and spends the day playing with her under the promise that she’ll introduce him to Princess Zelda later. During this sequence, we’re shown all of the mini games and shops available in the game, and get to know this unnamed character a little bit more. Their night ends with Gerudo thieves attempting to rob the girl, leaving Link to chase them off. The girl is revealed to be Zelda when Impa comes up to escort her back to the castle safely. She accidentally drops the Ocarina of Time, which Link picks up and holds onto in the hopes of returning it to her.

Something that we don’t get in the game is an early introduction between the people who will end up being the three holders of the Triforce. The manga remedies this by having Ganondorf interrupt Link and Zelda’s meeting in the garden by introducing himself. This gives us more of an insight on Zelda’s personality as well, where she tells him to leave, standing up to the King of the Gerudo, despite being a child still.

The rest of the plot that follows Link going on a quest to collect the sacred stones sticks pretty close to the in game events, but when he returns to Castle Town and sees it up in flames, instead of just standing there watching during a cut scene, Link rushes into the burning town, again showing us his heroic personality. Even though he’s unable to do much, he still faces the danger head on. While Link is fighting in the town, we get a shift of perspective to see Ganondorf having cornered Zelda and Impa. While they manage to escape like normal, Link attempts to attack Ganondorf directly. Even though he looses, that small fight gives us a starting point for Link’s power compared to Ganondorf’s, and gets readers invested on Link’s upcoming journey to grow stronger.

The manga continues to follow the plot of the game with Link sleeping for 7 years, but instead of waking up and meeting Sheik in the Temple of Time, Link is alone in the Temple. Sheik isn’t introduced until the Fire Temple, where he saves Link after the Hero of Time fails to defeat Volvagia. Delaying this introduction gives us a more impactful meeting between Link and Sheik, where Sheik still comes off as mysterious, while still giving Link a reason to trust him.

The game strictly follows Link’s point of view, since he is the character the player is using to navigate through Hyrule. With the manga though, we’re granted the opportunity to see scenes without Link, which gives us one of my favorite plot points in the two book series: Sheik secretly working for Ganondorf. This adds tension to the plot, since Sheik is working with Link directly. While the Hero has no reason to doubt Sheik, since he saved his life back at the Fire Temple, readers are left wondering how this will all play out.

Impa’s character also gets a lot more attention in the manga adaptation. While we see Link’s progress in the game grow by collecting more heart containers, it’s difficult to translate that onto paper. Himekawa’s solution? Training montage in Kakariko village with Impa! We see Link actually take the time to learn combat from Zelda’s former bodyguard, ending with her piercing Link’s ears to signify that he’s reached adulthood according to Sheikah tradition.

Book 2 of the manga series gives us a fight at Lon Lon Ranch, where Link has to fight to rescue Malon from a brainwashed Ingo and several Gerudo guards. Sheik comes in to help as well during this fight, and we’re given a daring escape on Epona. While the moment is taken from the game, the manga adaptation adds a lot more action to the scene, which I feel could’ve been part of the game, but was a missed opportunity that the manga decided to fill in.

The next big change is Link’s journey through the Gerudo Desert. The journey to the Spirit Temple is my favorite moment in the manga, with Sheik helping to guide Link through the desert, only to betray him once the Gerudo warriors show up, giving us that payoff to the discovery that Sheik had secretly been working with Ganondorf the whole time. People who have played the game might’ve been confused at this moment, but Sheik’s betrayal doesn’t last long. He apologies to Link later on, claiming that he never truly supported Ganondorf, and helps him fight off the twin witches, Kotake and Koume. Sheik gets injured during the battle though, forcing Link to retreat to the Spirit Temple with the Sheikah.

The final events before Ganondorf’s Castle take place in the Spirit Temple, which really helps with pacing. Instead of traveling all the way back to the Temple of Time, it’s revealed that Sheik was Zelda the whole time at the Spirit Temple, followed by Ganondorf kidnapping the Princess of Hyrule. While a reveal in the Temple of Time brings things around full circle in the game, the dramatic moment happening in the Spirit Temple in the manga helps keep that adrenaline rush from the previous battle going without dragging through another journey across Hyrule.

The last big change that I believe really adds to the story may seem small in retrospect, but it is a scene that has stuck in my head ever since I first read the series. During the fight against Ganon, the Master Sword gets knocked from Link’s hand just like it does in the game. This time though, instead of Link running to grab it himself, Zelda picks up the Master Sword and throws it over to him. It’s such a small detail, but puts Zelda in the fight, and shows us that determined spirit of hers that we saw back at the beginning of the manga.

The Bad

Not all changes in the adaptation were positive. I mentioned above how Zelda drops the Ocarina of Time in Castle Town while playing with Link. While that entire scene is very well done, her dropping the ocarina feels sloppy. After being attacked by Gerudo thieves, you’d think that she would double check that she still has the Ocarina of Time on her before leaving with Impa. I could see the argument that she dropped it on purpose for Link to find, but the manga doesn’t make that clear, and even if that was the case, with all of the thieves in town, it’s not a great plan.

Now this might get some backlash from other fans of the manga. I don’t like Link’s backstory with Volvagia. The boss of the Fire Temple was already badass in the game, being a dragon that lived inside Death Mountain who was resurrected by Ganondorf to keep the Gorons under control. The flashback of Link purchasing a baby dragon as a child and freeing him felt shoehorned in. Maybe if we got that scene when it happened instead of a flashback, I would’ve appreciated it a little more, but as it stands, it feels like a cheap shot to get an emotional reaction from readers. I’m all for crying over an impactful death, but Volvagia didn’t need to be a sympathetic villain brainwashed by Ganondorf. Just let the evil dragon be an evil dragon.

Fighting Dark Link in the Water Temple is an iconic moment in the game that people still talk about to this day. You’re in a room with shallow water, a single dead tree, and all you’re told is “Conquer Yourself.” It’s chilling to watch Link battle his shadow, and struggle against a creature that can perfectly copy his movements. In the manga though, Dark Link is a spirit that rises up out of the well in Kakariko, replacing the Bongo Bongo, the boss of the Shadow Temple. This change could’ve been great! Link fighting his shadow in the shadow temple makes sense, but we never see the Shadow Temple in the manga. Instead, the fight takes place in the middle of Kakariko, with Impa and the rest of the town watching. It feels like a side show moment. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel moments where a character has to fight an evil version of themselves should be private battles. It’s personal, but we don’t get to see that conflict of Link fighting himself in the manga. Instead we get Impa giving him advice as he’s fighting, and the town cheering when he wins.

The last change that bothered me was Nabooru’s whole character. There’s no time travel back and forth between young and adult Link in the manga, which is fine. That plot point would’ve been difficult to cram into a 2 book series. However, Nabooru’s character feels like a joke in the Spirit Temple. Instead of being a rebellious second in command who secretly plots against Ganondorf, she reads more like a goofy thief. Nabooru isn’t even aware of the fact that she’s a Sage until the last minute before Link storms Ganondorf’s Castle. She has a few badass moments in the manga, but I felt like her character wasn’t taken as seriously as it should’ve been.

Conclusion

There are a bunch of other changes in the manga that I didn't have much of an opinion on one way or another, but overall, and I know this is probably a controversial statement, I believe the manga handled the character aspect of Ocarina of Time much better. The plot could feel rushed at times, having only 2 books to the tell the story, but the characters feel like real people with goals and fears. People get confused when I say Sheik is my favorite Legend of Zelda character overall, and I always point them to Himekawa’s adaptation to explain myself.

I know I mentioned my bias towards the manga, since that was my introduction to Ocarina of Time, but I'm curious on how well received this manga is for people who played the game first. For those of you who played the game first, or even those who prefer the game over the manga, what parts worked for you, and what parts didn't? I know growing up I loved the Volvagia backstory, but looking at it now, it feels awkwardly thrown in.

And don’t forget, all of this is just my opinion! You’re free to love or hate the manga, but if you’re a fan of The Legend of Zelda franchise and haven’t picked it up, I’d suggest giving it a chance. Who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised despite the changes.

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

VelvetCardiganBucky’s Recommendations 2021: Week 5 | January 24-30

Welcome to week 4 of my recommendation, if you would like to be featured on a future list, I follow the hashtag #ktkvcbreadinglist, message me, tag me in your future works, or reblog this post and link to your story, one-shot, Masterlist, writing challenge, etc.

Be aware some if not most stories and writers on this list are meant to be consumed by an audience of those 18+. My blog is also an 18+ blog.

«Last Week

Week 6 »

My Masterlist

Steve Rogers

(Mini)Series:

Tainted Love: Part 1 by @aimless-imagines-for-fun » Steve Rogers x Female!Reader — Everyone teased Steve for being “a boy scout”, but you find out he’s not so innocent after all. | So I found this to be really humorous how the reader was so blunt with Steve. The ending was 🥵 and I’m really hoping the writer, writes the second part soon!

One-Shots:

Aunt Flo by @egcdeath » Steve Rogers x Female!Reader — your monthly friend decides to visit you while staying over at steve’s. | If you are looking for something fluffy and funny, I highly recommend reading this one.

Ransom Drysdale

Headcanons:

Strip Twister by @buckyownsmylife » Ransom x Reader — While on a ski trip with both your parents you guys play a game of strip Twister. | This was really good and I wish it hadn’t ended. The smut is also really good!

One-Shots:

In Spite of it All by @kleohoneyao3 » Ransom Drysdale x Reader — after dating Ransom for almost six months, you learn he was only dating you to spite his family | This was angsty yet so sweet in the end. Soft Ransom, is something I can get behind.

Chris Evans

One-Shot:

New Dad by @kiwisomething » Chris Evans x Wife!Reader — Chris is in the middle of an interview when his little girl starts crying. | It’s so fluffy I’m gonna die, is how I would describe it! I need more of new dad Chris!

Drabbles:

First time he looks after you when you’re not well by @you-taste-so-sweet » Chris Evans x Reader — This one is based on my own fear of dentists and if you haven’t had your wisdom tooth extracted yet - prepare yourself. It’s not nice! | As someone who had a horrible experience getting their wisdom teeth removed, I loved reading this fluffy piece. Definitely a good read after a long day.

Andy Barber

One-Shots:

Silence in the Library by @angrythingstarlight » Dark!Professor Andy Barber x Reader — You have no idea why you’re failing Professor Barber’s class, but he’s going to show you how to earn an A. | If you are looking for something that is Dark with some good smut, this is for you! I read this to get my mind off some stuff and it worked the trick!

Bucky Barnes

(Mini)Series:

A sea of thunders by @asukascoffeeramblings » Viking!Bucky Barnes x Reader — The Vikings took over your land, despite your brother’s (the king) efforts to keep them away. If that wasn’t bad enough, one of their best soldiers, Varg(Bucky), decides he needs to have you. Reader’s adventure as she’s taken by force from her home and brought into a world she doesn’t understand. The only thing she knows for sure is that, she belongs to Varg now. | I’m a huge Vikings fan, like I loved reading about them when I was growing up, and hearing about how my family is probably related to them, beside the point. I love the shows The Last Kingdom and Vikings, so when this came up on my dashboard I knew I had to read this. I’m so freaking glad that I did. I LOVE it. Trust me you will love it too! Viking Bucky is everything. I promise even though it’s only 3 chapters in, and it’s still so amazing!

One-Shots:

Rip and Tear by @buckysbee » soft!dark!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader — something either went terribly wrong or terribly right down in the water of that river. | Let me just say this one-shot as a whole surprised me, it is so good but the ending just leaves you shocked because you don’t see it coming. I would highly recommend reading this, and I hope there is more to this, but at the same time, the ending is so perfect. Bee you did wonderfully.

Even when I’m mad I’m still holding on to you by @river-soul » Bucky Barnes x Reader — When Maria Hill tries to convince you to leave behind your job as an analyst for a more active role in the field, Bucky doesn’t take it well. [Language, mentions of breeding and explicit sex. 18+] | The smut in this is so freaking good and so is the plot. I would just like to thank the writer for the gift that this one-shot was.

It Never Stops by @sxbby-barnes » Bucky Barnes x Reader — A lead in the ruins of Sokovia brings a face from the past back. | Reader is badass simple as that and the plot is just so good. I hope this isn't the end of seeing the interaction between the reader and Bucky in this universe. Also, I love how Sam and Bucky are written in this, it's exactly how I imagine them to be.

Jeremy Renner

(Mini)Series:

Trouble by @nbarnes » Sheriff!Jeremy Renner x Outlaw! Reader — Based off of P!nk’s music video Trouble. | I was a huge fan of P!nk growing up and I love Jeremy Renner, so to see someone making a one-shot/mini-series based on the video makes me so happy. I’m so excited to see where Natasha takes it.

Thomas Shelby

One-Shots:

Little Daisy by @kadwrites » Thomas Shelby x Reader — little daisy steals tommy’s heart | This will just fill you with joy, trust me, it’s got a baby and Thomas Shelby, what more could you ask for?

Misc.

(Mini)Series:

The Devil I Know: The Cat and Mouse Game by @qyllenhaal » PresidentSon!Sebastian Stan x Reader mentions Senator!Chris Evans x Reader — Reader isn’t sure how she gets invite to the White House dinner, but she spends the night trying not to think about her former flame Senator Chris. How could she when the President’s son has his eyes on her? | Stop what you're doing and if you are into smut and semidark!Sebastian this is for you! This series is so good and the smut is so good, Elle you are a fantastic writer, please tell me this isn’t the end.

Writers

@syntheticavenger my power went out Tuesday night so what better did I have to do than binge-read the masterlist of Synths. My two favorite stories are Ticking Clock a Dark!Andy Barber x Reader and Bridges to Burn & Places to Run, ParoleOfficer!Bucky Barnes x Criminal!Reader and CrimeBoss Thor x Criminal!Reader. Synths put so much thought into bringing all the characters she writes to life, you sometimes almost feel as if you are watching them play out on TV.

Shout Out To My...

@the-ce-horniest-book-club — if you have heard of @the-ss-horniest-book-club and @the-th-horniest-book-club, than you hopefully you’ve heard of Chris Evan’s one. They are the sister blog and like Sebastian and Tom Hiddleston one will have themed days and challenges involving the characters that Chris has played and him himself! I look forward to seeing what is to come!

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.