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thefallennightmare · 1 year ago

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Just Pretend-eighteen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: The song choice for this chapter is St. Patrick by Pvris!

Tags: @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967

NOAH

My car idled in my driveway as I trained my gaze hard on my steering wheel, deep uneven breathing overpowering the sound of the radio. I arrived home almost twenty minutes ago but couldn’t gain the strength to go inside. The light in Jolly’s room was on and I didn’t feel like getting the third degree about where I went after I left the pier.

They knew I was taking Y/N home but didn’t know what happened after.

“Noah,” Y/N moaned while rubbing her pussy over my thigh.

My lips attacked her neck in vicious bites as my hand grasped at the skin of her back, anything I could do to pull her closer.

“Let me fucking cum, Noah.”

I rested my head against the headrest and let out a strangled breath as different memories clouded my mind.

I sat on the edge of Bailey’s bed, a beer bottle hanging loosely between my fingers. It was my third one in the last hour; body tipsy from the alcohol. From the second I stepped inside her apartment, Bailey offered me a drink, wanting to know what I did today. But instead of talking, I drank while we watched a movie in her bedroom.

Both of us were feeling the effects of the alcohol and Bailey was standing in front of me, hands running through my hair.

“I’m fucking depressed,” I hiccuped after taking another long drink of my beer. “I drink like a fish and have needs that aren’t being met.”

“I can help you with that,” she kneeled in front of me, hands reaching for my shirt as her lips grazed over my neck.

I felt stiff in her embrace. “I can’t”

“You can,” Bailey’s hands snaked up my shirt, dragging her nails over my abdomen.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the memory, letting out a broken breath. “I can’t fucking do this. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Bailey sat in front of me on the bed, naked, but my eyes were straight on hers, not daring myself to look farther down.

“On your knees, face the wall,” I demanded while rolling the condom over my cock.

Angry eyes stared down at it, feeling betrayed by how hard I was. It wasn’t anything like how I was with Y/N and I knew it was only because of the thought of having an orgasm.

Anger still radiated through me as I gripped the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white. How could I have done that to Y/N? How would she ever forgive me?

“Noah,” Bailey moaned.

I grunted while pausing my thrusts to shift us so her face was buried into the pillow so I couldn’t hear her.

Bailey felt nice but nothing like Y/N. With my angel, it felt as if she was my missing piece when we connected, it was as if our souls were becoming one. The way Bailey moaned wasn’t the same either; pretty but not what I needed to properly get off.

I stared down at her back to see a small butterfly tattoo on her shoulder. Pretty but nothing compared to the tattoos Y/N had. Her body and image filled my vision and I gripped the hips in front of me tighter.

“Oh,” she writhed underneath me. “Shit.”

“Fuck, angel. You feel so good.” I panted.

Y/N’s bright smile radiated my thoughts when my eyes closed and I thought of her laugh as I came inside of the condom.

“You’re a pig” I spat out into the confines of my car. “I thought of Y/N the entire time.”

The selfishness began to eat away at me, this cowardly facade. All I needed to do was tell Y/N my feelings and have her sit down and listen.

Shit.

First I needed to tell Bailey, whatever this was, was finished.

Nice, you’re going to break up with her hours after having sex?

Why was I holding onto something I didn’t want? I kept trying to fill the loneliness of Y/N. She was everywhere. Why couldn’t I just tell her how I feel?

Rejection?

Is it because sometimes I have a lisp?

No, idiot. She doesn’t care about that.

Suddenly with a choked sob, it hit me that the fear of being abandoned again was holding onto me like a vice.

Stay here, you’re comfortable. Stay here- you’re comfortable in your weakness and your temptations; your temporary fixes.

These moments were easy to hide behind. Bailey was easy to hide behind. The alcohol was always easy. Something new I hid behind was the sex and I just wanted to drink until it was fatal.

What a fucking mess.

The light turned off in Jolly’s room but I still wasn't ready to head inside. I felt safer in my car where I could chastise myself for my actions. I ran a shaking hand over my face as my knee continued to bounce in anger.

Y/N stormed into my life like a fucking tidal wave. Every day I couldn’t believe this was how I’d ended up. I told myself after everything I’ve been through there was no time for love, no time for the commitment, no time for anything.

Survival; that’s it. That’s what you know.

The second I stepped off the bus that first day of the tour, my eyes landed directly on Y/N, I knew that everything I thought and decided about my life was going to be different.

I repeatedly replayed this evening and continued to feel disgusted with myself and my actions. Bailey was lovely, too sweet, but I knew she didn’t truly see me as a person. She saw me as the man with the voice- I couldn’t blame her, none of this was her fault. I need to end it.

But then it hit me again, what I’d done.

Oh no. I have to tell Y/N.

I couldn’t handle losing her again.

I smacked the steering wheel. “Fucking idiot! Idiot! Stupid!”

My breath became erratic and stuck in my throat as my chest constricted with pain. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, and I shook my head.

“Shit, no. Not now.” My vision became hazy, unable to see in front of me as a sob crawled out of my throat.

Breathe, dumbass. Breathe. Countdown like Dr. Poulos says.

I took in a deep breath, holding it in.

I blew out my breath for two seconds.

Another deep breath, holding it, as the fuzzy vision began to clear.

Letting out my breath, I felt all of my oxygen fill my lungs again and the pain in my best subsided.

Once I felt centered, I ran my hands over my thighs and when the light in the living room turned on, noticing someone peek through the curtain I knew that I couldn’t hide out here forever. I needed to face what I’d done.

“I need a fucking miracle. I need some fucking help,” I muttered while climbing out of the car, slowly stalking towards my house.

Just as I predicted, Jolly was sitting on the couch, watching something on the television and when he saw me walk in, his attention immediately went to the sour expression on my face.

“Hey,” Jolly said softly.

I nodded in return as I made my way towards the stairs, just wanting to wash away Bailey’s scent.

“Everything alright?” He asked as I made it about halfway up the stairs.

I gripped the railing as my jaw ticked. “Nothing, man. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, don’t avoid this. We all came back home hours ago, it doesn’t take you that long to drop off Y/N. Where the hell were you?”

“I-uh-something happened tonight.”

Jolly turned off the television, giving me his undivided attention, so I turned towards him now.

“With Y/N?”

“And Bailey,” I admitted.

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “What the hell happened?”

“I didn’t mean for it to get this far with Y/N. We were listening to Death of Peace Of Mind and it just happened,” I sighed.

“You fucked her in the car?” He gasped.

“No. No!,” I waved a hand in the air. “But we were pretty close. I was seconds away from taking off her pants when Bailey called.”

“Noah, come on. You need to break off this situation you're in with Bailey. Both you and Y/N need to cut this crap already. It’s not healthy for either of you.”

I rested my arms on the railing. “I know, I know. I want too but its another day of us going in fucking circles.”

Jolly raised a brow. “Is it the rejection or something else that has you stalling now?”

“No!” I rushed out too fast.

“It sure seems like it. You’re insecure and worried Y/N’s going to leave again which is why you’re playing both sides. But you can’t have your cake then back up when things get to real, Noah. Its fucked up especially because we already know how she feels about you. You already know.”

I swallowed the large lump in my throat as I prepared myself to say these dreaded four words. Regret filled my veins as the words fell from my lips into the air, telling Jolly what happened after I dropped Y/N off.

I slept with Bailey.

“She didn’t want you to stay?” Jolly wondered.

Another flashback to a few hours ago.

I snapped out of my drunk and sex-hazed nap when a hand grazed down my chest, and stomach, before stopping right at my cock. Bailey was seconds away from wrapping her fingers around it and I jolted from the bed, searing for my clothes.

“Where are you going?” She asked, letting the sheet fall from her naked form.

I spun on my heels so I didn’t have to see her. “I’ve got an early day in the studio.”

“Oh, you don’t want to stay?”

“I can’t,” I muttered, fully dressed,

I slipped away from her with a light kiss on her cheek.

“I couldn’t stay, man. It wasn’t right. This entire night wasn’t supposed to be like this,” I stammered over my words, thanks to the alcohol still flooding through my system.

“Noah-.”

“Y/N walked away from me tonight, Jolly! After the moment we shared, it felt right; real. But she still just fucking left,” I snapped, raising my voice.

“What is she supposed to think? You’ve been twisting Y/N’s mind around too,” he said with a stern voice.

“I didn’t see it that way,” my shoulders fell with defeat. “This thing with Bailey was never supposed to go this far. It was only supposed to distract me from Y/N. I’ve overthought every fucking thing.”

Jolly raised to his feet before meeting me halfway up the stairs. “That’s why we keep telling you to either discuss this shit with Y/N or your therapist at least because what you’re doing isn’t working.”

Flashes of Bailey in her bed tried to come to the forefront but I shook my head, forcing it away. I needed help; I needed something to block out these images.

“I’ll be in the studio,” I muttered while ascending the stairs once again.

“It’s 2 in the morning, Noah,” Jolly called after me.

“Don’t care.”

NOAH

A knock sounded on the door, stirring me awake from my slumber in the computer chair. The bottle slipped from my fingers onto the floor at my feet, spilling only a little bit of the dark ember liquid on the carpet.

Shit, Jesse’s going to kill me for staining it.

“Noah,” Jolly said while walking into the room.

I threw a hand over my shoulder, letting him know I was still here, but kept my gaze trained on the screen in front of me.

“Do you know what time it is?”

I grunted in response, suddenly wishing I hadn’t dropped my bottle to the ground.

Jolly sighed before pulling the chair away from the computer, eyes staring straight down at me. “Are you drunk again?”

“No, just a little tipsy,” I sighed, not wanting to fight him.

After the hell of the last twelve hours, I was exhausted; mentally and physically. Jolly didn’t deserve the anger I felt for myself directed towards him.

“I have this melody in my head, I have to get it out. It’s eating away at me,” I said.

He nodded solemnly. “You’ve been in here for the last few hours, though. Why don’t you take a break? Shower, eat something, get some sleep, and then we can both work something out. Alright?”

“I just can’t-,” I shook my head, long disheveled hair falling into my face.

“You’re not gonna drink what you did away, Noah,” Jolly lifted me from the chair, tight grip on my arms so he could force me to look into his eyes.

“You’re going to sleep the rest of this bullshit off, then when you wake up, you’re going to have some food, a shower, then we’re going to fucking work. Wipe your face and get right. We’ll figure this out.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” I shot back, the stubbornness radiating off of me in waves.

Jolly snorted while brushing away the invisible dirt from my shoulders and straightening my shirt. “Watch me.”

I reached for the bottle, holding it in front of my face. The dark ember liquid sloshed around in the glass as Chase’s voice rang loudly in my head.

Y/N doesn’t need another Trey.

“I’m not fucking Trey!” I set the bottle down on the desk with a loud thunk. “She doesn’t deserve that side of me. She deserves the best of me.”

Even though I didn’t say her name, Jolly knew who I was talking about. “No. You’re not, so let’s get right. Cut the shit. You made a mistake, don’t let that sit inside you. Get it out.”

“I didn’t mean it, all I saw was Y/N,” I admitted with a sob, a lone tear rolling down my cheek. “I want her back so bad, man. I love her.”

This wasn’t the first time I’d admit my love for Y/N out loud but every time I did, it made my heart stutter wildly in my chest.

“I know,” Jolly sighed while giving me a small smile. “First things first, take a shower and get some sleep, alright?”

I sniffled, standing straighter. “Okay.”

READER

This was such a bad idea. I should not be doing this. I should have immediately declined but Malcolm agreed for all of us before he knew what happened. I couldn’t back out now, much to my dismay.

With a sigh, I threw on my swimsuit cover before sliding on my sandals. Matt wanted to throw an end-of-summer pool party at his place. As much as I didn’t want to face Noah, the idea of hanging out around the pool with my friends and beer sounded relaxing.

“Hey, are you almost ready? Malcolm’s waiting in the car for us.”

Looking towards my open door, I smiled at Chase, who was leaning against the wall.

“Yeah, I just need to grab my bag.”

Salem was asleep curled up on my bed and I gave him a soft kiss on the top of his head after grabbing my bag.

“Something is up with you,” Chase squinted his eyes at me, almost assessing me.

I shook my head, deflecting his assumptions. “I don’t know what you mean?”

He pointed to my face. “The look on your face, your entire aura.”

When I walked past him, ready to end this discussion, his arm shot out to block me in place right in front of the door. “Wait, is that?”

Chase’s finger grazed over a spot on my neck and I smacked it away before covering it with my hand.

“Is that a hickey?”

“Chase, don’t-,” I began.

“Fucking finally!” He exclaimed while throwing his head back.

I raised my brows while crossing my arms over my chest. “Excuse me?”

“You two must have finally talked. Got rid of the elephant-.”

“No!,” I cut him off while waving my hands. “We didn’t talk about fucking anything. It was a weak moment, which I’m extremely guilty of.”

“Wait, you didn’t,” Chase shook his head, now confused. “Noah didn’t-?”

“Chase, there is nothing to say. He doesn’t feel the same about me, not the way I do. He’s with this other woman.”

“Then what the fuck happened last night? Why do you have a hickey on your neck?”

I shifted on my feet, avoiding Chase’s gaze. “Their new song was hot and it just happened- it won’t happen again.”

“Fuck, Y/N,” Chase pinched his eyes shut. “You can’t be this dense. What is going on with you? Noah doesn’t feel the same? He looks at you like you’re some fucking angel that just got shot down from the sky. How can you not see that?”

“Let it go, please. I waited too long. He wants to move on, and I had no right to do what we did last night,” my breath wavered as I pushed past him into the hallway, ready to end the conversation.

“Did you fuck Noah?” Chase’s voice carried down the hall just as Malcolm walked back into the house, eyebrows raised.

“You fucked Noah?” Malcolm gasped, dropping his bag of towels to the ground.

My feet skidded to a halt, head whipping back and forth between them. “No! But, it was getting there. We would have if Bailey didn’t call.”

Chase now appeared in front of me as I stood in the hallway, Malcolm on the other side of him. “Sweets, you’ve got to stop being so hard on yourself. You made a mistake by leaving that night; we all know that. Noah forgave you, he’s written songs about you, and I know our songs are about him. Just cut the shit and talk to him okay? He loves you, Y/N. I know he does.”

Tears burned in my eyes as I let out a shaky breath. “If he loves me then why is he with her?”

Malcolm and Chase shared a look, unsure what the right answer to my question would be.

“I don’t know,�� Malcolm sighed. “But maybe if you two talked to each other. Writing songs instead of letters can only help so much.”

“Can we table this discussion for now?” I asked with a sigh. “I just want to have a relaxing day today by the pool.”

My roommates and brothers shared another look before reluctantly agreeing.

The car ride over to Matt’s was filled with the soft tune of the radio while Malcolm drove, hand linked with Chase’s, and I sat in the back marveling at how far their relationship had come.

In the beginning of Hollow Souls, I knew that there was chemistry between them but they were nervous about what I or Trey would think. Trey never knew because he was too busy being buried in alcohol, but I always knew that they were meant to be together. Soulmates if you will. No matter how hard they tried to deny their feelings, it was Malcolm who made the first move.

The corner of my lip turned up in a smile when I remembered the memory; it was after our first successful tour came to an end. At the time, Chase lived with me in Las Vegas, before I moved in with Trey, and Malcolm was living in Los Angeles because of better opportunities. Chase didn’t want Malcolm to leave quite yet, something Malcolm picked up on because he invited Chase to visit him soon.

Only Chase.

After some late-night talks with me, Chase eventually agreed and spent two weeks in Los Angeles with Malcolm; He returned happier than ever.

If there was any relationship to study and look up to, it was theirs.

“I’m going to take your advice,” I said suddenly as the car pulled to a stop in front of Matt’s house.

Chase turned to face me. “You are?”

I nodded. “It can’t hurt, right? Telling him how I feel,”

Malcolm looked at me through the rearview mirror.

“Finally!” He exclaimed. “ Just tell him! Let it out and then you guys can run away and fuck again. Because this late-night moaning of his name is not doing it for me. Our walls are thin.”

I slapped his arm. “Fucking tell me about it. I don’t need to know some things about your relationship, especially when you guys are in bed together.”

MICHAEL

The expression you can cut the tension with a knife had never been more right than at this exact moment.

I sat on the pool's edge, legs dangling in the water, with Bryan next to me. We saw the exact moment Noah walked in with Bailey clung to his arm, the only way this day would end would be in a disaster. I turned towards Jesse, who was already in the pool and mouthed three words.

“What the fuck?”

Jesse’s only answer was a shake of his head.

Bailey never left Noah’s side, her hand wrapped around his, as they made small talk with Nick. I could see it in the way Noah’s jaw clenched that something was wrong. She kept trying to pull him close but he did his best to keep his distance.

“Did he forget that Y/N’s coming?” Matt scoffed while sitting on the other side of me.

“Did Noah mention anything about bringing Bailey?” Brayn asked.

Matt scoffed again, something about this whole situation was truly appalling. “I guess she kind of invited herself. Folio brought it up in front of Noah, not realizing he was on the phone with her. So he felt obligated.”

“Fuck,” I shook my head while taking a sip of my beer. “Talk about awkward.”

“I wouldn’t say awkward,” Matt muttered while adjusting his hat.

“Matt, be nice,” Jolly said sternly as he walked past, knocking off the hat so it could splash into the pool.

Suddenly, the air and tension tilted on its axis when Y/N walked into the backyard with Chase and Malcolm. My eyes immediately snapped over to Noah, who was already watching Y/N with an intense gaze. She turned towards him, ready to say something until Bailey snuck up behind Noah, wrapping an arm around him.

Noah’s body immediately tensed and when I peered back at Y/N there was a look of hurt or betrayal on her face; I couldn’t tell which exactly and could study it more because she was already slinking away from him, behind the forefield that was Chase and Malcolm. Bailey then dragged Noah towards the grill where Orie was cooking food.

“Is it just me or is there something there? More than usual?” I asked.

Jolly, who pulled up a chair behind me, sighed. “All I can say is that Noah was in the studio till about five this morning. I’m even shocked he’s standing upright. He drank half a bottle of Hennesy before spilling the rest on the carpet.”

“He did what?” Jesse spoke up, gaining the attention of others.

We ignored Jesse’s outburst and did our best to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, no matter how awkward things were right now. Surely, it couldn’t get worse.

I saw the expression of bewilderment had come back onto Noah’s face as he stole glances at Y/N while she chatted with her bandmates. It was as though a faint doubt occurred to him as to the quality of his present happiness. There must have been moments when Y/N tumbled any short of Noah’s dreams – not through her fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion.

It had gone beyond her; beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his extreme ghost-like heart.

We’ve all attempted to keep the peace as long as possible, but fuck, is this enough. Especially after the way he brought Bailey here today. The first time Bailey met all of us at Y/N’s welcome home party, that was awkward enough.

Neither of them could seem to spit out what they wanted. I wanted to tell Bailey to go home. She’s too sweet for this but yet so fucking naive. Her head was in the clouds; a mere rockstar in her clouded brain. Noah’s a human being, and so were the two women caught in the middle of this.

But something changed, drastically, between Noah, Bailey, and even Y/N. It’s been almost an hour and not once did they say a word to each other. They sat on other ends of the backyard; Noah and Bailey sitting just the two of them on one of the lawn chairs while Y/N sat with Chase and Malcolm, joking around with Orie.

I sensed something while noticing the small things others wouldn’t. I tilted my head to the side, watching Noah and Bailey. The grazing and touching were almost too intimate, especially in front of all of us; Y/N included. Bailey tried to run her hands through Noah’s hair but he flinched away and quickly tied it up on top of his head. Noah had yet to shed himself of his t-shirt but Bailey was donning a green two-piece, hoping to catch his attention.

Noah didn’t dare glance at her that way, keeping it civil and friendly.

Bailey laid a kiss on his cheek before she whispered something in his ear, him shivering at whatever she said. It was then that I grasped what happened between them.

I shook my head while motioning for Jolly, who was now in the pool. Once he swam over to me, I pointed to Noah.

“Did they?”

Jolly simply nodded, not wanting to utter the words out loud in case other ears were listening.

I sighed, disappointed. “You got to be fucking kidding me.”

The way I observed this pool, you’d think I was a swimmer with sharks.

But I knew Noah. I’ve watched him; he smells bullshit like a shark smells blood, even his own. He watched Y/N from the side the entire time.

To make her angry? Jealous? Who knows. But he was tired of the arm candy; that I could see. Once again, void of emotions. Just another fucking animal for the ark, that was Noah’s.

Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I watched as Y/N hesitantly took off her swim cover. It was a hot day, most of us cooling off in the pool, and it took a lot of coaxing from Malcolm and Chase but eventually, Y/N must have felt comfortable enough to show more skin. I knew parts of her past with Trey, thanks to what Noah had told me, so I was aware of the body issues she was dealing with.

I didn’t understand why; Y/N was gorgeous, and we all agreed to that. But sometimes when you spend years dealing with all kinds of mental abuse, it takes time to get over those old habits.

Once Y/N stood in the bright rays of the sun, soaking her almost in a neon glow with her bright red two-piece. The variety of tattoos was fully on display. The small one on her inner ankle made me chuckle, remembering the story Jolly told me about why she got that one. I glanced over to Noah, who sat with his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his palm, as he watched Y/N with careful eyes as she dipped herself into the pool. Bailey kept rambling on about something to him, not even realizing his attention was somewhere else.

On someone else.

NOAH

My eyes burned as I watched Y/N dip herself into the pool; unholy skin cooling immediately. Bailey kept rambling on about some random bullshit about the record shop, something I didn’t care about because the only thing I care about was gliding through the water, laughing along with Chase.

The way Y/N was sitting on the side of the pool, thighs almost wide open. She was soaking wet right now, but not by me and that wasn’t fair. I could remember exactly where her magic was. I know exactly where I’d have to touch, lick or bite. I’d like nothing more than to slide those vibrant red bikini bottoms off her and taste her, begin to have the best fucking meal- happily. Seeing her spread wide open, I could feel myself getting hard, straining against my shorts. I discreetly adjust myself hoping no one will notice and set my attention elsewhere quickly.

I took pride in seeing her blossom. Y/N was hesitant to take that cover-up off- I knew that. But she found her confidence and as soon as that thing fell off her shoulders it was like staring directly into the sun. I was hot, sweating profusely, and I wanted so badly to reach out to touch her. Feel her skin, lock us both together, almost drowning in this pool.

“Noah, are you even listening?” Bailey chuckled while running a finger down my arm.

I shifted in my seat so her hand could fall away from me. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”

“You should have stayed last night. We could have slept in, ordered something for breakfast, maybe fucked again,” she said.

I snapped my head towards her with my jaw clenched. Bailey wasn’t exactly quiet but thankfully, Y/N was on the far end of the pool where she couldn’t hear us.

“I told you, I had to be at the studio early. I couldn’t stay.”

Bailey brushed a finger over my cheek. “Do you want to stay tonight?”

Before I could give her an answer, Matt’s voice rang out. “Are you two going to isolate yourselves all day or come swim? It is a pool party, remember?”

I glanced over toward the group of them, especially at Y/N who was purposely avoiding my gaze which made my stomach drop.

Did she find out about Bailey and I?

No, the only person I told was Jolly and he wouldn’t say anything.

“Come on,” Bailey pulled me up from the chair and tried to reach for my shirt.

Gently I pushed her hands away, muttering something about how I didn’t want to swim, and sat on the edge of the pool next to Michael. If Bailey said something, it fell on deaf ears, as I quickly picked up on the conversation between Michael and Jesse.

“Oh, Y/N, your tattoos are gorgeous!”

My eyes danced over to Y/N, standing back on solid ground, running a towel through her water-drenched hair. I followed a drop of water as it grazed down the side of her neck, over the bright red but small mark, and I nearly choked on my spit.

“Uh, thank you,” Y/N gave Bailey a small smile as she sat on a chair, accepting a beer from Folio.

“Any meaning behind them?” Bailey wondered as she swam in front of my legs that were dangling in the water, forcing herself between them.

Michael saw the scowl on my lips and lightly smacked my arm.

“Be nice,” he grumbled.

Ignoring him, I watched with careful eyes as the two women talked.

“Depends on which one,” Y/N answered.

“All of them?”

“Bailey-,” I started.

“No,” Y/N interrupted. “It’s fine. I don’t mind her asking about them.”

We locked eyes for a long beat before she was the first one to break it.

“The floral design on my arm doesn't mean anything, I just wanted a sleeve. Uh-,” Y/N then pointed to the small Spirited Away character on her other arm. “This is from my favorite movie.”

Bailey shook her head. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Kaonashi,” I answered. “From Spirited Away.”

“I thought I saw one on your back?” Bailey questioned.

Y/N turned in her chair, showcasing the large snake and floral tattoo that covered the entirety of her back. Memories of our night together in the hotel room flashed in my mind; my lips kissing over every inch of ink as my finger traced the design.

“Oh, that’s amazing. What’s the story behind that one?”

Y/N’s lips in a pulled line; a fake smile. “A snake shed their skin, a way to represent growth. I always found that fascinating so that’s why I got a tattoo of a snake.”

Bailey’s finger grazed up and down my leg under the water. “What about the tattoo on your thigh and leg? It’s fucking huge.”

“Uh,” Y/N traced over the ink on her leg while staring down at it. “It’s some of my favorite Greek Gods on top of Mount Olympus. My grandma told me stories growing up and they mean a lot to me.”

Folio snorted while hiding his smirk behind his beer bottle and I shot him a look, knowing exactly why he was smirking.

“Let’s just say I was on top of Mount Olympus.”

“Oh, I thought Greek mythology was all fake? Those Gods didn’t exist.”

I let out a low noise. “Bailey, I think this game of twenty questions is over.”

Y/N’s eyes narrowed. “Everyone has their own things they believe in, Bailey. Especially my grandma, she grew up in Greece believing those same stories.”

“I knew you were Italian because of your dad but didn’t know you were Greek,” I said with a hint of shock.

She shrugged. “Half. On my mom’s side.

“Wait,” Nick spoke up. “I thought you were adopted.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah at six months old. But believe it or not, both of my birth parents were Greek and Italian which is why I think they chose my adoptive parents. I don’t talk about it much because-.”

When her words died on her lips, she gazed away towards Chase who sighed, rubbing her back.

“Because her mom was a bitch, and told Y/N she was adopted on her eighteenth birthday” Malcolm finished.

“Mal!” Y/N seethed while smacking his chest. “You can’t just call my mother a bitch!”

“Why the fuck not?” He rubbed his chest. “You’ve called her worse; to her face.”

Y/N sighed. “Yes, but that’s because she’s my mother. You don’t get that right.”

Malcolm snorted. “I’ll remember that the next time you wake me up at two a.m. because she drunk called you to tell you how worthless and how pathetic your career is.”

I remember back to that night on tour when Y/N divulged a little bit about her past growing up and while she didn’t speak much about her mom, I could tell from then and even now, their relationship was rocky.

“I know,” she sighed while playing with the chain of her ankle bracelet.

My eyes immediately locked in on the bracelet on her wrist and the necklace that hung between her breasts which were pressed together due to her swimsuit. My dick twitched and I had to adjust myself on the edge of the pool in a way to hide my growing erection.

“Oh, how funny is that!” Bailey said, completely not understanding that the conversation about tattoos was over. “You have a cute little tattoo on your ankle. Noah has one in the same spot.”

I stiffened, not knowing if she would be able to put two and two together. Y/N gave a curt smile before rising from her chair, muttering something about going to the bathroom.

Chase could feel the sudden tension so he spoke up. “We have this tradition of getting tattoos done on the last day of tour. So that’s the story behind that one.”

Bailey, realizing there was no need to pester Y/N any longer turned towards me and rested her arms on my thighs as she looked up at me.

“Come in. Swim with me.”

She tried to reach for my hands and I gently pushed her away. “Stop it, Bailey.”

Her face twitched with pain? Sadness? Whatever it was made my stomach drop with guilt.

“I’m going to grab another beer,” I mumbled before rising to my feet and trekking inside.

Except I wasn’t looking for a beer. I was looking for someone specific. The bathroom was in a secluded hallway and just as I turned the corner, Y/N retreated from the bathroom with a look of shock on her face when she saw me.

“H-hi Mochi,” she studdered while shifting on her feet.

I stopped a few inches in front of her, breathing in her perfume, and my heart began to beat widely in my chest. My eyes drank in the sight of her as I stared down at her.

“Hi, angel. How’s the pain today?” I wondered.

It felt like so much happened between us that I almost forgot yesterday she was bedridden in pain before I came over.

A small smile curved her lips. “I’m alright. The meds seem to be working which helps alleviate the pain.”

“I can run out and get you a piece of baklava or a cannoli if you want. There’s a great bakery about a block from here,” I suggested while leaning against the wall.

She hummed while drumming her fingers on her arm as she crossed them over her chest; pushing those perfect breasts up higher and my lips twitched with the want to taste them.

“I’m fine right now but I definitely will take you up on that offer some other time.”

We stayed like this, staring into each other eyes, for a very long moment.

The only sound was our deep, synchronized breathing. In this split second in the seclusion of the hallway- fuck was I reminded; that this feeling has and will probably only happen once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory.

The invisible heartstrings that kept us connected made me cup Y/N’s cheek gently, her turning into my embrace as her eyes fluttered shut.

“Angel,” my voice was low. “I’m really sorry about all that; Bailey. I was on the phone with her when Folio brought this whole thing up and before I knew it she was outside my door.”

Y/N gazed up at me through lashes, shaking her head. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Noah.”

“No, I do because you don’t deserve to be grilled about your life like it’s an interview.”

“Mochi,” she said softly, grabbing my arm that still held her face.

“Listen,” I took a deep breath, ready to tell her the truth about what happened last night. “I need to tell you-.”

“There’s something I have to say-,” Y/N spoke at the same time.

“NOAH!” Bailey’s voice echoed throughout the lower level of Matt’s house. “Can you bring me a glass of wine, please”

Y/N seemed to have snapped back to reality because she sucked in a breath, taking a large step away from me. I wanted to reach for her, pull her back into me, and never let her go.

“I-uh-should get back,” she pointed over my shoulder before slipping away from me; again.

READER

My eyes burned as I walked back into the main area of Matt’s house but almost came to a sudden halt seeing Bailey leaning against the kitchen counter, a huge smile on her face.

“Hey, is Noah in here? I can’t find him,” she asked.

“Nope,” I forced a smile on my face.

Bailey nodded. “Oh also, this might come off awkward but, I have this friend, he’s really nice and I’m thinking it might be nice if you two meet.

“Oh no, no, that’s not necessary,” I vigorously shook my head.

I didn’t need her help to set me up with anyone; not when the one I wanted was the one she was looking for.

“Just throwing it out there! He really likes your music and is really attractive. Don’t tell Noah,” she giggled.

I swallowed thickly, keeping the fake smile on my face.

“I’m not looking for anything serious,” I began while playing with my necklace between my fingers.

Bailey waved me off. “Oh, come on. Give him a chance! Maybe just meet him?”

“I mean,” I sighed, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to meet him.“

“Cool!” she beamed before pointing behind me. “I need to use the bathroom.”

With yet another forced smile, I allowed her to walk past me and dared not to look back knowing that Noah was most likely still in the hallway as I walked back outside.

All it took was one soft touch from Noah to have my heart stuttering, yearning for more than a simple cup of my cheek from him. Last night, it kept playing on a loop in my brain, even when I saw Bailey hanging all over Noah. At first, part of me was furious he’d brought her after what happened between us last night. But then I remembered, what happened between us wasn’t supposed to happen. Whatever this was that he had with Bailey was real.

But you love him. You should tell him.

I shook my head at the thoughts just as Chase came up to me, my phone in his hand.

“Your mother keeps texting you.”

I groaned while taking my phone from him. “I don’t want to deal with her right now.”

“Everything alright?” He frowned slightly.

“Noah stopped me inside. I was ready to tell him the truth, about how I feel but Bailey was looking for him,” I sighed while wrapping my arms around myself.

The sudden LA overcast brought a chill to my bones.

“Sweets,” Chase rubbed my arms. “Don’t let this stop you.”

“It’s over, Chase. Noah has her,” I wiped a stray tear away.

“Y/N, no.”

He reached for me as I walked past him, over to the chair I previously claimed, and threw on the red sweater I bought, not realizing it was the one Noah gave me last night at the fireworks show.

His suave scent filled my senses and I snuggled deeper into the warmth, noticing the look Jolly was giving me. He was sitting at the table next to me.

“What?” I raised a brow while glancing over to him.

He shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “I swear that sweater looks familiar. Like I’ve seen someone else wear it before.”

Playfully I flipped him my middle finger, which in turn made him chuckle, and when my phone buzzed in my hand I was reminded of the three unread texts from my mother. With a deep breath, I prepared myself for whatever cruel words she sent.

Mom: Hey it’s me, just checking in. Haven’t heard from you in a while. I know our last talk wasn’t good- I didn’t mean to say those things, but you must see how you pushed me into it.

Mom: I understand you’re out there living whatever fantasy your dad filled in your head, hope that’s going well. But, please understand where I’m coming from. It’s not a career. You’re not gonna be stable forever.

My heart burned with anger and hurt as her words cut deep.

Mom: I want you to be responsible, not live in the clouds. I am pushing you to take life seriously. No man is going to want to marry you- this lifestyle is unconventional and I just wish you would see it. I’m sorry you don’t agree but, one day I think you will.

Mom: Love you kouklamou.

I scoffed as I read the last text repeatedly. After all those cruel words, she dared to call me her doll?

Bullshit.

After decades of wishing upon a star for my mother to love me the way I thought I needed. I looked at my innocent childhood and had to face reality. My mother would never be someone I could count on for emotional support. My father was who I counted on, he was the one I could trust would understand me and my mind. She never understood my love for music and my freedom. When they divorced I saw how it tormented him, he was in agony. He tried to pick up the pieces and move on with his life, as hard as it was he was able to. I vowed I would never hurt or feel the hurt he did, the hurt she caused me. But a part of me felt guilty; the little girl who yearned for her mother's love made me stay with her after the divorce.

Until my eighteenth birthday when my mom told me I was adopted and that there was a part of her that held that against me growing up. My adoptive parents couldn’t have kids so they chose adoption. While my dad loved me like his own flesh and blood, my mother couldn’t look past the part that I wasn't truly hers.

I never once sought out my birth parents because, to me, I already knew who my parents were. I was distraught at the news that I packed up all of my things and moved in with Chase, who had his own place. This was before Hollow Souls and I’m thankful every fucking day I made that choice because I had no idea where I’d be if I didn’t.

Growing up, I was taught to love my family and to just accept the love they give. With the passage of time and the dawning of maturity, I began to doubt this kind of unquestioning love. I realized with therapy that what I was doing with Trey wasn’t normal. It was toxic and soul-destroying.

But now I’m trying, and I won’t stop trying to break that cycle. I have to. Noah seems so different, every tie in my heart feels as if it needs to find him. I seek him unknowingly- I would only hope that with time, I could break that cycle with him at my side.

CHASE

Y/N was talking quietly to Nick, who brought her a blanket from inside since the sun was slowly starting to set, and I knew this was a perfect time.

I bent low to lay a kiss on Malcolm’s lips. “Did you want anything to drink?”

“I’ll take another coconut water. Thanks,” he smiled up at me.

Matt snorted. “Oh, come on you too? Noah loves that shit and I don’t understand why. There’s no flavor to it.”

Leaving the two of them to get back to their card game, I ran a hand over my buzzed head and slipped inside the house where Jolly was rummaging through the fridge, setting up what he needed for dinner.

“Any particular reason why she’s here?” I motioned back to the sliding door where Bailey had her arm wrapped around Noah’s as they were talking with Davis and Orie.

Jolly sighed while setting down the box of pasta. “I don’t know, man. Bailey overheard and next thing he knew, she kind of invited herself.”

“This game that Noah is playing is fucking sick, Jolly. Not only to Y/N but to Bailey as well. Neither of these girls deserves this. If he plans to make Y/N jealous it's fucking working but also going to push her away.”

“Listen, I fucking get it,” Jolly somewhat snapped while setting down the pot full of water. “Trust me, we’ve all tried to talk to him about this. Noah’s half scorpion, half mule! What do you want us to do? And as for Bailey, I can’t do anything about that. It’s not my place to say anything. She invited herself and Noah felt bad.”

With a deep breath, I gripped the counter to keep my own anger in check. It wasn’t fair to Jolly to be on the receiving end of how I felt about this whole situation.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Y/N’s my sister so when we see her hurting, it hurts us.”

Jolly nodded. “I know, I feel the same about Noah.”

Gazing out through the sliding glass doors, I watched as Y/N nodded along with whatever Nick was saying, every so often stealing glances over to Noah, who was standing almost motionless next to Bailey. She held a glass of wine in her hand, taking long sips every so often, as she listened intently to Bryan as he talked with Orie. No one paid her much attention but that didn’t stop her from being social.

Poor girl has no idea what she’s caught in the middle of.

Noah shifted his gaze towards Y/N, almost as if he felt her staring, and when their eyes locked it was only for a brief second before she gave him the cold shoulder, turning away from him.

Bailey then noticed Noah wasn’t paying attention so she wrapped an arm around his back and left a kiss on his cheek.

I titled my head, analyzing the interaction between the two of them. Something was different. I wasn't quite sure what, though.

NOAH

The only sound that filled the night air was the clanking of silverware against plates as we all silently ate our dinner. Bailey finished her third glass of wine before reaching for the bottle to refill her cup, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Matt who sat at the head of the table. He raised a brow at me, motioning towards Bailey, and I shrugged in return.

Y/N sat directly across from me and I noticed that she barely touched her food, simply pushed around her spaghetti with her fork, only taking a few bites here and there.

Chase, who sat on her left, muttered low in her ear. “You okay?”

My eyes snapped up from my untouched garlic bread as his words. I knew there was something different with her, I could feel it low inside of me. The pull that connected us vibrated with anger and sadness.

I tapped Malcolm’s arm, who sat next to me on my left. “Everything alright?”

“Her mom texted her a while ago. The shit she said, Noah, is fucked up. There’s a reason why I called her a bitch. She deserves it.”

“Should I-?” I pointed between us.

Our voices were hushed so I knew no one could hear our conversation.

Malcolm shook his head, voice sounding stern. “Just leave it, alright? Give her some time to deal with everything.

I didn’t miss the look he shot over my shoulder towards Bailey.

For the next few minutes, silence continued to pass through the entire group, until Chase began drumming an unfamiliar tune on the table with his fingers.

“Shit,” Jesse said while looking at his phone. “Hollow Souls released a new single?”

Chase smirked. “Came out earlier today, we haven’t had a chance to bring it up. We could listen to it now if you guys are fine with it?”

Y/N’s head snapped up away from her plate. “No, they probably don’t want to hear it.”

Orie snorted. “Are you kidding me? We’d love to hear it!”

“I didn’t know you were releasing a single,” I spoke to Y/N.

Our burning gazes locked once again. “You never asked.”

Ouch.

Matt hooked up his phone to the outside speaker as the opening notes of their new song began to play, Y/N’s voice dancing against my ears.

I know it's chemicals that make me cling to you. And I need a miracle to get away from you. I know it's chemicals and I need a miracle. And I'm not spiritual but please stay cause I think you're a saint and I think you're an angel.

I nearly choked on my beer as I set down the bottle with a loud thud.

You give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head. You're a miracle.

Miracle.

Transparent hands were at my neck but I love the way you let me breathe instead. Take in your chemicals. You’re a miracle.

Everyone else besides Y/N faded away to white noise as I drank in the sight of her as she stared back at me. Her lips were parted, short and shallow walls escaping from her chest. Her fingers tapped against the table along with the beat.

Before dinner, Matt started a fire that burned towards the left of the table, the flames keeping us warm, and I slowly moved my head along to the lyrics.

But please stay cause you're a glimpse of bliss, a little taste of heaven.

“Angel,” I murmured under my breath.

Now she was avoiding my gaze, keeping it directly to her fingers on the edge of the table. Her lips were moving in sync with the lyrics.

I need a miracle to bring me back to you. I know you're gone now but I still wait for you.

No, I’m not gone. I’m right here!

My eyes widened as I shook my head slowly, silently begging Y/N to look at me; she needed to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. I was here in front of her. Finally, as the song faded out, Y/N peered up at my through lashes and I choked on a breath, realizing that tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes.

As everyone gave their praise for the next song, I sat stiff in my seat, not knowing exactly what to say.

“I loved it. It sounded amazing,” I finally said with a shy smile.

Y/N nodded with her lips pulled in a straight line.

Bailey twirls her pasta and then stuffed the fork in her mouth. “That song was awesome! I just love the direction your music is going lately.”

She swallowed her mouth full down with a large gulp of wine. “It’s a shame Trey didn’t work out with you guys. I really enjoyed the flair he added.”

My shoulders stiffened at the mention of his name and I noticed Y/N grip her fork a bit tighter.

Why the fuck would Bailey bring up Trey- and why the hell did she think she could discuss shit she knew nothing about?

Bailey continued to ramble on. “With everything that happened I mean, it has to be hard to find time to write about things, but you do such a great job.”

Everyone at this large table is silent, not even daring to let out a breath, wondering where the direction this conversation was headed.

Y/N brought her glass of wine, the same one she’d been nursing all dinner, to her lips to take a small sip as I stared at Bailey, perplexed.

“Excuse me?” Y/N said. “I apologize, I must have misheard you. Did you say it’s a shame Trey didn’t work out?”

“Well yeah, I can’t imagine being challenged like that, trying to be a female in a male-dominated scene,” Bailey shrugged as if her words had no deeper meaning than they did.

A fork dropped loudly against someone's plate while Matt scoffed loudly before almost slamming his beer bottle on the table.

“Please don’t misunderstand me!” Bailey shook her head while waving us off. “I just meant it also has to be challenging especially after Trey broke up with you and left like that. The things I found out about the break up is madness.”

Y/N tilted her head, a low hum falling from her lips. “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this, but I must ask- how do you know all this?”

Bailey slurped on her noodles. “Oh, well I- I read something here and there on some blogs.”

“There it fucking is.” Matt groaned while sliding his plate away from him.

I snapped my gaze over towards him, almost recoiling in the darkness in his eyes.

“Bailey, I think you’ve had enough wine,” I went to reach for the bottle as she began pouring another glass.

She simply brushed me off, finishing the bottle in her glass. “It’s fine, Noah. We’re simply having a conversation.

“I would have had our assistant here if I had known we were doing an interview tonight,” Malcolm joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I’m not trying to interview her. I just think it has to be complicated, especially if Y/N wants a relationship with someone.”

Everyone went still as Y/N and I shared a look when she stopped mid-drink, the low scowl on her lips making me slink farther into my chair, fingers scratching at my thighs in rage.

A relationship? Why was this even a question? I wanted to get up and drag her out of here- but I was frozen solid in my spot. Almost in shock. I felt everybody’s eyes shift from Bailey to Y/N, then right on me. I caused this- I did this, and I have no one else to blame. She was pushing the limits, no pun intended.

Why Bailey was being so intrusive with Y/N was beyond me. I could feel myself ticking like a grenade.

Breathe, Noah. Breathe.

5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Bailey continued to talk. “Imagine breaking up with someone you were in a band with, then changing things up, and so what if you want to? You guys have every right to but it must be lonely. I saw someone discuss it on Tumblr the other day.”

I took her glass away from her grip and set it on the side of me, near Malcolm. “I think that’s enough now.”

“What?” Bailey scoffed. “You can’t take my drink away, Noah.”

My eyes sliced into her. “You’re out of line, Bailey. It's enough.”

“Do you believe everything you read online?” Y/N spoke with a tensed jaw.

Bailey shifted in her seat. “No, I didn’t mean it like that!”

I knew Matt was gonna reach his peak soon, I could feel it. I knew it, I sensed it. He was fiddling with his beer, then his hat back to his beer again with his tongue clicking and jaw clenching. I felt like a coward, But I was a master at hiding my anger- however, it was getting there.

Just before I went to say something, Matt snickered loudly.

Here we go. Bracing for impact.

“Why don’t you try and say what you do mean,” Matt suggested while leaning his elbows on the table.

“Noah.” Bailey turned to look up at me, her brown doe eyes begging for help.

I ran a hand over my face and simply shook my head.

I could see her face in the flames of the fire and one thought came to my mind; play with fire and you'll get burned.

MATT

I narrowed my eyes at Bailey, heart beating wildly in my chest at the audacity of this girl. She didn’t know anything about any of us, besides what she read online. She had no right to hammer Y/N with the rapid-fire questions.

“Do you work for metal hammer or something? Why the 20 inquisitive questions based on something you read off a blog? It seems a bit out of place here, don’t you think?”

“Matt-.”

Jesse spoke but I held up my hand to stop him. I was on a roll before even starting and no one was going to stop me.

“I don’t mean to be hostile but why are we all sitting here just letting this shit go on like a run-on sentence? How are you all okay with this shit? Because I know you’re not, Noah.”

He didn’t say a word, simply kept his gaze trained hard on his beer bottle in front of him as he tore away the paper around it.

“Not trying to be rude, Bailey, but, why would you be reading gossip blogs and Reddit threads about anyone at this table? This isn’t some circus act for you to blab about.” I said.

I didn’t want to interject, I really didn’t at first- however, it needed to be said. One of the biggest mistakes was this situation right here. The line that was drawn a long time ago and Noah needed to end it.

When Bailey didn’t say a word, I turned my head towards Noah. “Do you have anything to add, Noah?”

“No.” He grunted under his breath.

“Discussing anyone’s personal business while referencing blogs seems a bit immature don’t you think?” I questioned.

“Matt it’s fine, it’s okay.” Y/N’s soft voice spoke while reaching a gentle hand on my arm.

I patted her hand with my own. “I’m just saying, it’s off-putting.”

Bailey’s lips mimicked a fish for a few seconds, stealing glances over to Noah as she silently begged him for help; he didn’t give her an ounce of attention.

“I’m sorry, truly,” she finally apologized. “I just meant it must be hard as a female to be surrounded by men and having to handle a breakup, especially someone like Trey, and not having support.”

“I have support,” Y/N snapped, eyes slicing into Bailey. ““I have support, a lot of it and I’m offended you seem to believe I don’t. You don’t know anything about me or anything, period.”

“No, I-I know! I just mean to make it easier on you, this li-lifestyle can seem unstable,” Bailey stumbled over her words, thanks to the alcohol.

“Damn it that’s enough!” I slammed my hand on the table, my anger finally erupting like a fucking volcano.

“Matt, come on man,” Jolly says, trying his best to break the sudden tension.

“No, fuck that. What she just said was disrespectful as hell, not just for Y/N but for all of us. It’s enough now.”

This wasn’t my battle and these weren’t my feelings. But, at least if I could do anything it would be to nip that shit in the ass. She wouldn’t disrespect my friend. She just didn’t belong here, point blank. Maybe this would awaken both of my friends' cobwebs. Go duke it out, and move forward already.

Seeing the hurt look on Y/N’s face, I let out a shaky but calm breath and pushed myself away from the table. I knew that if I stayed here a second longer, I’d say something I’d regret.

“I apologize,” Bailey spoke quietly.

“Yeah I know,” I took off my hat to shake out my hair, tossing it on the chair I previously sat it. “But I’m saying my peace as one who has my friends back.”

I made it all of three steps before spinning on my heels, not quite finished with this conversation. “Also this lifestyle is our livelihood, it’s hard work and my friends out there, the dude you’re casually hanging with’ bust our asses every fucking day because it’s not a game, so when you wake up to your 9-5 tomorrow think about that.”

Dinner officially ruined, I decided to cool off on the other end of my backyard, noticing that everyone had started to either finish their cold food or disperse into other parts of the house.

Y/N was sitting at the table with Malcolm and Chase as they rubbed her back, her shoulders shaking. While Noah and Bailey were inside the kitchen, she rambled on about fuck know’s what as he stood in front of her with his hands buried deep into his pockets. They talked for another few seconds before she walked away from him, deep into my house.

I didn’t like the idea of her stalking around the private areas of my house.

Quicking whipping out my phone, I texted Noah.

Me: Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Get Bailey out of here.

I watched with astonished eyes as Noah read the text and then pocketed his phone again.

“Stubborn mule,�� I muttered while typing out another text.

Me: I hope you don’t think that bullshit at dinner was okay. Y/N didn’t deserve any of that. This shit isn’t right.

I smirked when I saw Noah typing away furiously on his phone. I knew mentioning Y/N would light a fire under his ass.

Noah: I never said it was right. It’s not fucking okay with me. I have to take care of this shit.

Me: Then do it.

Glancing back up through my house, I noticed that Noah was gone and Bailey was inside the kitchen, reaching for yet another bottle of wine. I shook my head, appalled and downright aggravated, and stomped my way past the group of my friends, hearing soft cries come from Y/N, which only angered me even more.

I shut the door behind me just as Bailey poured herself another glass. “Another? Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“I just-I needed a little something to take the edge off,” Bailey replied bluntly, knocking back half the glass in one go.

I nodded while stopping in front of her so she couldn’t avoid my gaze. “Well after a conversation of prying and making the night awkward, I suppose you’d need something.”

She clicked her teeth while setting the glass on the counter. “You don’t like me, do you?”

“It’s not about liking you,” I shrugged. “I don’t care either way. And I mean no disrespect. But you disrespected my friends and their personal boundaries tonight. That’s something I can’t forgive.”

“I apologized-” she began.

Fuck, I was so sick and tired of hearing an apology from her. To me, it meant nothing. I wasn’t the one that needed an apology.

“Yeah yeah I know,” I waved her off. “But I’m just saying my peace as one who has my friends back.”

With one final hard stare, I dumped the rest of the wine bottle down the sink and left Bailey alone in the kitchen.

BAILEY

I stood there, frozen and aloof, as I replayed the last twenty minutes in my mind. I never meant for things to go sour the way they had, I only meant to have a simple conversation. I wasn’t used to hanging out with this large amount of people, typically keeping to my small circle of friends, and I tend to usually put my foot in my mouth more often than not; especially today.

It had been a long time since I’d been with someone in the way I was with Noah. It wasn’t hard for me to let people in, and of course with the first big pair of brown eyes I gazed into, I was hooked; it helped that I was already a fan of who Noah was.

I knew our relationship wasn’t necessarily a relationship, he made that pretty clear from his actions, and words. We never called each other girlfriend or boyfriend, we’ve only kissed a few times, and before last night, we never were intimate. It’s been a few weeks together now and we only had sex once. I enjoyed his company, his friends seemed nice enough besides Matt.

Y/N, though, was interesting. She was beautiful, talented as hell, and often I admired her, especially from what I’ve read of her. Perhaps, the wine got to me tonight. I spoke a lot when I drank.

After Matt’s lovely conversation, I repeatedly kept going back to last night; the night I spent with Noah. I tried with him, I had been trying to understand what the hell this was; if it was anything.

It sometimes felt like Noah needed me for comfort or something. I can't explain it, but I did everything I could to fill his needs. Last night, before we slept together, I tried to get him to agree to some plans with me.

“We should go hiking tomorrow.” I suggested.

Noah sat at my island, aimlessly scrolling through his phone, not bothering to gaze up at me, “I already have plans.”

I frowned while setting the beer bottles on the kitchen counter. “Well, we could go to the river if you want to.”

“Next week sometime,” he mumbled.

I sighed but wasn’t ready to give up. “Maybe we can take a drive somewhere.”

“No.”

“Well, I’m just asking.” I snapped while handing him his beer.

Noah grunted as he drank half of his beer in one go.

I didn’t fight him when he slipped out of bed later that night. I didn’t argue. A kiss on the cheek and he was gone like the wind.

Movement in front of me brought me back to the present and I saw Noah; those big brown eyes that dragged me into him. His hands were stuffed in the pocket of his yellow hoodie as those eyes were straight in one direction.; Y/N.

Interesting.

My heart dropped slightly as I watched a faint smile on his face, those brown eyes sparkled in a way that was never directed towards me.

Noah’s demeanor around me changed often when Y/N was close by. I never could figure out why; I still didn’t know. I couldn’t help but feel jealous as I noticed the way he continued to watch her every movement as she playfully messed around with Malcolm. She was the center of Noah’s attention and I fucking hated it.

I wanted to feel important. I wanted Noah to look at me the way he did Y/N even if it was just for 5 minutes.

“Fuck this,” I said through gritted teeth before storming through the patio doors.

NOAH

“Oi, fuck you! Maláka!”

Y/N ran from Malcolm as he chased her around the edge of the pool, trying to toss her in.

“I told you, I hate when you talk to me in Greek! I never know what you’re saying!” Malcolm froze momentarily behind a chair; one that was in the way between him and Y/N.

She stuck out her tongue at him. “Did you not listen to any of the lessons I gave you and Chase?”

Malcolm shrugged. “It’s a lot to understand. Can you blame me?”

“She called you a wanker,” Chase stopped his conversation with Bryan and Michael briefly.

Y/N’s giggles echoed into the night air and I watched with a small smile on my lips as Malcolm continued to chase her around the pool. To see her so free and happy after that awkward dinner made my heart warm, it sent heat throughout my entire body.

Suddenly my face was grabbed and I was pulled down to someone's lips that tasted of red wine. Bailey’s hands wrapped around my neck, deepening the kiss as she forced her tongue into my mouth, and my hands limply grasped her hips so I could push her away.

Immediately my eyes snapped over to Y/N, who was watching the entire scene with watery eyes. Her and Malcolm stopped their playful banter and Y/N shook her head, giving me her back.

I then snapped my attention towards Bailey, taking a step away from her. “Why would you do that?”

“Just felt the need,” she shrugged.

“Well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that again.” I cleared my throat while adjusting my sweater.

Matt waved me over and I took that as an opportunity to leave Bailey. As I walked up to him, he showed me his phone; a picture. It was from earlier today, the sun blasting its strong rays across Y/N as she laid out on her elbows next to the pool. Her bright red bikini, almost blinding with the sunlight. Her boobs were perfect in that top, her entire physique was incredible. However, that damned smile was what got me. It had its hooks dug deep into me. That’s what pulled me in every time.

Also in the picture was me, sitting on the other end of the pool, and it was clear that I was enjoying the view of Y/N; a large grin plastered to my face.

“If this is to prove something I already know, you’re wasting your time,” I said while crossing my arms.

Matt snorted before showing me something else. It was an array of other pictures, all from today, all posted to an Instagram profile; Bailey’s.

“What the fuck,” I snapped. “She posted pictures?”

“Yeah, loads of them. I know how you’ve been lately about your privacy so I wanted to show you.”

A fire burned in my chest as I swiftly turned on my heels, teeth grinding together, as I stormed back over to Bailey.

“You posted pictures?”

She was taken aback by my sudden outburst, eyes dancing around us to see if others were listening.

“I-uh. Yes. I didn’t think you would mind?”

I narrowed my eyes. “You never fucking asked me.”

“For fucks sake, Noah. It’s just a picture, it’s not that deep,” she rolled her eyes.

“It is to me, I don’t want it out there. It’s an invasion of privacy and all I ask is that you fucking respect it.”

Bailey stiffened slightly. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I never thought of it like that but I guess stuff like this is really sensitive in your industry. You don’t want the record label to see things you might be doing that you shouldn’t.”

I gave her a dumbfounded look, appalled that she completely missed the meaning behind my words. How did me saying I want privacy in my personal life correlate to my life in the music industry?

“It has nothing to do with that,” I said with slight annoyance. “I just don’t want my shit out there without my permission.”

“Why are you acting so weird today? I thought after last night you would be less tense?” Bailey ran a finger down my chest. ��I could help ease that tension again. Do you want to come by tonight for round two? Maybe this time we could try a different position where my face isn’t buried in a pillow. I wasn’t a huge fan that way.”

As those dreaded words fell from her lips, Chase happened to be walking past us but froze. My regretful eyes locked with his fiery ones for the briefest of moments.

“No,” I pushed her hand away from my chest.

Chase’s jaw dropped, the metal can in his grasp crunching with his anger.

With my fingers wrapped around Bailey’s, I began to lightly drag her away from Chase.

“I’m taking Bailey home,” I called out. “She has an early shift tomorrow.”

Unsure if it was all the alcohol or embarrassment from tonight's events but Bailey didn’t argue, simply waved goodbye to everyone as I led her through the gate, towards the front of the house where I was parked.

“Oh fuck, my purse!” she skidded to a stop.

With a groan, I ran a hand over my mouth. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

As soon as her form disappeared into the house, Chase came storming out from the gate of the backyard, steam blowing out of his ears.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He snapped while shoving me slightly.

I stumbled back into my car then pushed his hands off of me. “Excuse me? Don’t touch me.”

“No! I’ve had it with this bullshit,” Chase’s voice echoed throughout the normally quiet street. “I’m done with you treating Y/N like she’s everything you want and all you need. But yet, you’re pulling some college guy crap. That’s my sister out there!”

He pointed behind him towards Matt’s house. “Do you think she deserves that? For you to make out with her in this car then twenty minutes later you go fuck Bailey?”

“Stop, stop! Please. Just shut up! Let me explain this!” I held up my hands, trying to get my own thoughts straight.

The last thing I expected was to have Bailey blab about what we did last night especially in front of someone who was close to Y/N. Regret already weighed down my heavy heart because of my actions last night. Guilt ate away at me for not only using Bailey as an outlet for sex but for Y/N and the way I completely shattered her trust.

“You better start talking, Noah or I’m going to tell Y/N myself. This is fucking ridiculous,” Chase placed his hands on his hips.

I nodded. “I will.”

NICK R.

We waved goodbye to Malcolm and Y/N as they met up with Chase inside, ready to head home after this disaster of an evening. While it had its high points, ever since the awkward dinner, the tension never faltered from how thick it was. So slowly, people were starting to leave. But I hung back with Folio, Jolly, and Matt.

“Are we going to talk about how fucking weird dinner was? What was up with the twenty questions bullshit?” Matt asked, anger still radiating off of him.

He was always the one to stick up for us whether it be against fans online who thought they had the right to judge our actions or people that did us wrong in our private lives.

“It was a disaster from the moment Noah walked inside with her,” Jolly sighed. “I tried telling him how bad of an idea it was but you know how he is.”

Folio spoke up next after typing away on his phone. “If we didn’t know Y/N and the kind of person she was, I’d say Noah’s type in women is shit.”

“He’s growing, it’s just hard for him,” I reminded them with a shrug.

Matt ran a hand over his face. “We know. It’s just aggravating watching him sometimes.”

“Y/N and Noah are both so stubborn,” I said. “They’re both flawed people but they’re trying, even a blind person can see that. But despite their differences, they have one important thing in common; they love each other.”

NOAH

My car eased to a stop in front of Bailey’s apartment, letting it idle for a few moments as I let the continued silence fill the air. The entire drive to her place was quiet. I didn’t even turn the radio on. I needed complete silence to ease my racing thoughts.

Tired eyes fluttered shut with Y/N’s broken face staring back at me. We had deliberately shifted our relationship from what happened last night. When I woke up this morning, slightly hungover but ready for the prospect of the future, I thought for a moment of coming to Matt’s today and telling Y/N I loved her. But plans changed and my interior rules shifted, almost like brakes on my own desires.

I knew, however, in order to tell Y/N about how I feel, I needed to get out of this tangled mess I found myself with the person next to me.

Nevertheless, there was a vague understanding that had to be tactfully broken off before I could be free. If I knew how to do it without Bailey getting hurt, I would have.

Y/N left the car in such a hurry last night, leaving me with yet another hole in my gut. I was fucking tired of watching her walk away from me; from us. I wanted her to stay with me. Why was that so hard for her?

Ultimately, my heart was hers by design. The need to control everything pauses temporarily in her presence.

I knew everything was trash, especially after what happened tonight. I knew that what I was doing with both Bailey and Y/N wasn’t right. It stood firm that the fear of Y/N leaving me in every situation kept me from lifting my foot from the breaks. Everyone suspects themselves of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this was mine.

As of last night, I’m one of the few honest people I’d ever know. But it was clear; I not only needed help, I needed a fucking miracle.

You’re a miracle.

Y/N’s soft angelic voice came flooding back in my mind making my heart race.

With a sigh, Bailey’s voice broke the quiet air. “You seemed on edge all day today, everything alright?”

“Me?” I broke my trance away from the empty road in front of me to her. “I’m fine.”

Her brows pulled together. “You sure?”

“I mean, besides you giving Y/N a Rock Sound interview tonight, everything went just fine.”

Bailey’s grip on her bag tightened. “I wasn’t trying to have an interview with her. I was just asking questions.”

I snorted. “Well, it sounded like an interview to us. Asking her personal questions isn’t cool, Bailey.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Okay, Noah. Whatever, I get it.”

“No,” I shook my head while turning my body towards her in the car. “I don’t think you do. But it’s fine.”

“Why are you being so hard headed about this? We were just having girl talk.”

“Girl talk?” I scoffed while running a hand over my chin. “I don’t think it was appropriate of you to bring up Trey or her love life. It’s still a sore spot for her. She went through a lot of bullshit with him, some things she’s still dealing with. Something you cant find out on a fucking tumblr blog.”

Bailey hesitated and I could tell she wanted to say more before nodding slowly. “Alright, I’m sorry.”

I waved her off. “It’s whatever.”

Silence fell between us again only this time, it didn’t last as long as the time before.

“Sometimes when you talk to me, I feel like you don’t even see me,” Bailey admitted while picking at a piece of lint or dirt on her sundress.

I didn’t answer, only because I didn’t have one for her. Instead, I kept my gaze down at my lap.

My silence made her chuckle. “Look, a woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else”.

“Now you know I can't give you anything you want. Right?” I lifted my gaze to her, voice dark. “I can’t. Because they’re gone. They’re broken.”

“Who hurt you, Noah?” Bailey reached for me but I shifted myself away from her.

“I’m not discussing this with you,” I replied flatley.

“Something is breaking your heart; I can sense that.”

“Already broken” I mumbled, not caring if she caught it or not.

“Well,” she cleared her throat. “Are you sure you don’t want to come inside?”

Bailey’s persistence made me think back to my conversation with Chase.

“Please Noah, I know feelings and expressing them are hard for you, but understand how selfish this is. It’s hard for Y/N to but if you can’t handle this then, please let her go.” Chase ran a hand over his buzzed head.

“No! I’m not fucking letting her go,” I firmly shook my head, standing my ground against him.

Chase sighed. “You tell all of us your feelings except the one who needs to hear it.”

“It’s not that easy, Chase.”

“End the mess you created tonight. It’s not doing anyone any favors,” he scoffed.

Completely ignoring her offer, I cleared my throat. “Listen, before you leave I need to talk to you about something.”

Something changed on her face; excitement? Hope?

“Oh? What about?”

“Here’s the thing, this-.”

I pointed between us just as my phone began to ring.

“Incoming call from Fish Boy. Answer?”

“Who’s fish boy?” Bailey wondered.

“Folio,” I sighed while declining the call. “Look, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

To execute my point even further that I was not coming inside with her tonight, I unlocked the door, not bothering to look her way as she slowly left the car. The door was barely shut before I sped away from the curb.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #enemies to lovers #right person wrong time #starcrossed lovers

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juyeonszn · 2 years ago

Text

SACRIFICE (EAT ME UP)

PAIRING lee hyunjae x f!reader

WORD COUNT 9.17k

GENRES horror ﹒ smut ﹒ angst ﹒ fluff ig?

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, mentions of murder, descriptions of crime scenes, mentions of blood, mentions of knifes, graphic description of stab wounds, mentions of potential mental illness, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CONSTITUTE WARNINGS BUT ?!1?1 I DONT WANT TO SPOIL !1!2!2, Lots of Kissing, mutual masturbation (f! receiving fingering & m! receiving hand job), pillow talk ig, big dick hyunjae 😈, um unprotected sex lol be safe u silly geese, car sex, cowgirl position yeehaw, creampie, this entire fic is just a whole fucking roller coaster i stg it’s gonna haunt me forever

SUMMARY with a serial killer running rampant on campus, everyone around you seems to be dropping like flies. but, hey, at least you have hyunjae to protect you.

MORE omg.. my first written work for tbz 🙀 extra super fun fact; this was originally an idea i had for hyunjin from skz on my other blog that i actually started writing the week before halloween last year (the reason it’s a horror fic), but i never finished and sort of felt like there was no point in continuing it after a while— that is until i stumbled upon the draft a few weeks ago and decided to revamp, edit, and complete it 😋 i kept going back and rereading and then blanking when i wanted to add to it until last night when i said fuck it and drank two cups of coffee to power through the end 🙌 anyways.. here u all go, my baby that i never thought would see the light of day and my first time writing a genuine horror piece <3 also special shoutout to rina my soulmate @tsukidou for beta reading 🫶

PLAYLIST sacrifice (eat me up) — enhypen, awake — the boyz, roar — the boyz, fever — enhypen, fate — enhypen, taste — stray kids, wake up — ateez, white noise — pvris, heaven — pvris

“Alright, that’s all for today’s lecture. If this was your last of the day, make sure to find someone to go home with and remember the curfew rules!” Your English professor says, concluding the class.

The students around you rush to pack up their things and get off of campus as soon as possible. You don’t seem to be in a hurry, though, taking your time to put away your notebook and laptop. Your roommates were still in their music production class, so you didn’t want to go home alone, deciding to wait until they were done.

“Y/N, don’t you wanna get home?” Professor Park asks, her voice echoing in the now empty lecture hall. She throws the strap of her bag over her shoulder and pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“I do, but I have to wait for my roommates. They’re in a class right now and I’d rather not go by myself.” You let out an awkward laugh. She nods at your reasoning, giving you a small smile for comfort.

“Okay, you be careful! I’ll see you on Thursday.”

You raise your hand in a silent salutation, watching as she exits the room, leaving you completely alone. Though a public space, in a public building, the fact that there’s no one else nearby leaves you utterly unsettled. Your stomach churns with a twinge of fear and you start to feel a bit claustrophobic despite being in such a spacious area, so you choose this point to hurriedly collect your belongings and get the hell out of there.

The past couple of months have been in this weird state of limbo. You don’t recall exactly when the killings started, but once the police noticed a pattern, everyone knew sooner or later that the presence of a serial murderer would be announced on the local news. Your town enforced a citywide curfew to protect its citizens, but mostly the students at your university.

Every single one of the killer’s victims were university students. You were friends with a bunch of guys and while it was nice having big strong men surrounding you, you knew that could hardly do anything to quell the lingering anxiety you’ve felt ever since the spree began.

The police seemed to be having trouble coming up with any possible suspects, or even gaining any leads, thanks to the killer’s unusual victimology and the cool down time between murders always varying. If the people in charge of protecting you couldn’t do that, how were you supposed to feel safe?

In an attempt to get to the building where Jacob, Kevin, and Eric were as fast as you could, you speed walk out of the lecture hall, accidentally bumping into someone. You bow at a nearly ninety-degree angle and hurl out apology after apology following the collision, not trying to make any enemies in this day and time.

“Watch where you’re going, idiot.” The stranger spits, waiting for you to glance up at him to give you a nasty glare. He looks like the kind of guy who thought he was all that, despite peaking in high school. You feel your bottom lip quiver and you avoid eye contact.

“I—”

“Woah, dude, chill the fuck out. It was an accident, I’m sure she didn’t— wait, N/N, is that you? Hey it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

There’s a familiar voice in your ears and a hand under your chin, forcing you to stand upright. Whoever you bumped into walks away with a scoff. You meet eyes with Lee Hyunjae, one of your dearest friends. He recognizes that hint of panic in your features and he frowns.

“I’m so sorry, Jae, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going—” Your breath is caught in your throat and you fumble over your words.

“Hey, hey, slow down,” he keeps a hold on your biceps. “It’s alright, I promise. He’s gone. What’s wrong?”

You shut your eyes tightly, feeling pathetic for causing such a scene for no apparent reason. Hyunjae guides you through your breathing, his focus trained on you the whole time. He always made you feel so comfortable.

“With everything that’s been going on, I’m just so paranoid and afraid of being alone. I wanted to go to the music department building and wait for the boys.” You finally explain once you’ve calmed down and the rise of your chest is even.

“How about this? I’ll take you home so you don’t have to stay on campus any longer.” He suggests, bringing up a hand to tuck some hair behind your ear. You nod slowly, gathering your bearings.

Hyunjae leads you to his car that’s parked in the lot closest to the building you were just in and the two of you make your way to your apartment. You’d been friends with your roommates for years now, meeting in eighth grade. You had just moved schools and happened to be put into a class with Eric Sohn, the most rambunctious boy you’d ever met. He thought you seemed really sweet upon first impression and decided to befriend you, introducing you to all of his friends in turn.

Aside from Eric, there was Sangyeon, Jacob, Younghoon, Hyunjae, Juyeon, Kevin, Changmin, Chanhee, Haknyeon, and Sunwoo. While it was a little overwhelming, it was nice going from zero friends to eleven in the span of just a couple days. You were pretty close to all of them, but you and Hyunjae initially hit it off the best. You understood each other on a different level than everyone else and to this day, you still don't know the exact reason why.

Towards the end of high school, your friendship with Hyunjae transformed into something that wasn’t purely platonic. You weren’t entirely sure when it started to change, but your feelings for him grew exponentially. You tried to keep them to yourself, hidden from the world to preserve your fragile teenage heart. Though you’d already been friends with them a few years at that point, you still had that inkling of dread in the pit of your stomach that one day they’d choose to stop talking to you. You especially didn’t want a silly crush to be the cause of that.

After a while, however, the lines began to blur together anyway and everyone could tell you felt for him romantically. Once, Eric had made a comment about it being so painfully obvious that Hyunjae was just as into you and it nearly shook your whole world.

When college time rolled around, you all knew you’d be attending the same university, so picking roommates was a bit of a tricky situation. You chose yours solely based on the fact that you were majoring in similar things, so it’d be easy to fit schedules together. (You also couldn’t handle being roommates with Hyunjae; it’d be too much for your heart.) Hyunjae lived with Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo, while Sangyeon, Younghoon, Chanhee, and Haknyeon lived together.

Hyunjae parks in a spot near the stairs that lead to your unit. The car is still running when you unbuckle your seatbelt and you stare at the steps blankly. Though the close proximity with him has your pulse racing, you want nothing more than some company until your roommates get home. You turn to him shyly, balling up a fistful of your sweater.

“Jae, do you— do you think you could stay with me for a bit before the boys come back? I don’t— I really don’t wanna be alone right now.”

The look he gives you is full of adoration, like you personally put the stars in the sky. He smiles softly and nods, reaching across the center console to place a comforting hand on top of yours. The two of you keep them intertwined as you go inside your apartment, locking all the locks carefully before sitting on your couch.

You don’t make a comment about him not letting go despite already being in the safety of your home. You don’t say anything about him pulling you into his side either, mostly because you want him to.

With all that’s been happening recently, you’ve felt so hollow. There was this indescribable emptiness expanding in you and even though you so desperately wanted to chalk it up to something else, you knew it was due to the fact that there was growing anxiety that you could be next, that any of your friends could be next. You were starting to move like you were in a simulation, doing everything in your daily routine without a single emotion. Sure, you’d laugh when Eric made a stupid joke but that’s about the most anyone could get from you aside from the occasional panic attack.

Hyunjae being here and holding you is exactly what you needed to feel some semblance of warmth again.

There’s a soft knock on your bedroom door around eight that same night, waking you from your slumber. You don’t remember falling asleep or being moved to your bed, so you’re not too sure when Hyunjae left. You rub the sleep from your eyes as you get up to open your door.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you, but we got some takeout if you’re hungry.” Jacob says with an apologetic smile, leaning on the door frame.

You give him a bleary look as you nod, following him into the dining room where your other two roommates were sitting at the table. Eric greets you through a full mouth. A small laugh escapes you when you sit across from him, Kevin adjacent to your seat. The sound of the TV in the living room plays as background noise as the four of you eat.

“So when’d you get home? I thought you were gonna wait for us.” Kevin asks.

“I was, but then I ran into Hyunjae when I was on my way to your building and he offered to bring me home,” you shrug, taking some tteokbokki with your chopsticks. “It was a whole thing, please don’t ask.”

Eric hums to himself, a mischievous grin on his face as he takes a sip of his cola. “Interesting. And you say he’s not into you…”

Heat blooms over your cheeks and you accidentally drop your chopsticks on your plate, their clacking against the ceramic garnering your roommates’ attention. Eric Sohn was now number one on your hit list. Kevin elbows him in the side and tells him to be quiet, despite the tiny upwards curve of his lips.

“If he cares about you as much as he seems like he does, he wouldn’t have left you here alone after you fell asleep,” Jacob mutters, looking at you from his peripherals. “What was the point of escorting you home if—”

“Jacob shut the fuck up,” Eric suddenly blurts, the three of you stare at him as he clambers over to the living room, turning up the volume on the TV. “Look!”

You turn in your chair, your stomach churning at the news report unfolding before you.

“We’re live just outside SNU, where another victim has been found. The body hasn’t been identified yet, but from what we do know, he was a student that attended the school,” the female reporter says into the microphone she’s holding, a glazed over expression in her eyes. “Crime Scene Investigators believe he was murdered at around six this evening, and was assumed to have been making his way home from campus. Updates are expected to come later tonight once we have more information.”

You know that far away, checked out gaze she had all too well. She’s reported on the killings for a while now, no doubt numb to the way things were at this point.

Your appetite spoils immediately and you excuse yourself from the table, making your way back to your room. You sit on your bed and bring your knees to your chest, taking a deep breath in, then covering your mouth when you breathe out to muffle the sob that follows. It was becoming too overwhelming for you and there was nothing you could do about it besides sit back and watch.

It was understandable for anyone in your situation to feel hopeless, how could they not? With someone terrorizing the city in an unpredictable manner, there was no sense of normalcy in anyone’s life. You shudder when you finally bring yourself to stop crying, digging your nails into the fat of your calves.

Through the walls, you can hear the boys talking, voices solemn.

“Why’d you have to put the TV louder, dumbass?”

“Sorry, I just like being up to date on the case, you know? I want to be prepared. What if I need to learn clone jutsu to take out the guy?”

“Eric, you’re such a clown, oh my god.”

“I get that you’re interested and all, but you have to be mindful of Y/N. You know how much this has affected her both emotionally and physically, she doesn’t need the constant reminder that it’s happening. And I’d appreciate if you apologized for telling me to ‘shut the fuck up’.”

There’s a snort in between.

“My bad, I didn’t mean to be rude about it. But while we’re on the topic, I think we both need to admit our mistakes. What you said about Hyunjae to her wasn’t cool either. I know we’re all friends, but it just came across too—”

“It was really snappy, Jacob. And a bit petty.”

“Yeah! What Kevin said.”

“I— you’re right. I just don’t want her getting hurt, in more ways than one.”

You don’t hear much else from the trio and sigh heavily, dragging your hands down your face and wiping your eyes with the heels of your palms. You grab your phone from your nightstand and hesitantly search for Hyunjae’s contact, the line ringing a couple times before he answers.

“Y/N? Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“N-no, I’m fine. I was just— I wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay,” you mess with your bottom lip. “I heard there was another victim and I didn’t know when you left the apartment, so I just— uh— I just needed to know that you were safe. I called to see if you’d answer.”

You squeeze your eyes shut out of embarrassment, even if he can’t exactly see you. The stuttering was enough to make you go into hiding for the rest of your life if this serial killer didn’t.

“Oh,” you can hear the slight chuckle in his response from the way his breath hits the speaker. “It means a lot that you’d do that, N/N. Really, I appreciate you so much.”

Your lip finds itself between your teeth and your heart is pounding unbearably fast, you think you might be having a heart attack. You bring a hand up to clutch at your chest as a fuzzy feeling courses through your whole being.

Now you were scared for an entirely different reason.

(The main one occupies your mind again later that night when you scroll through your Twitter feed, only to find out the most recent victim was the guy you accidentally bumped into. You feel like some sick version of a guardian angel was looking after you. It makes it hard to fall asleep after that.)

A couple days passed and you found yourself thinking about Lee Hyunjae more than usual.

Not to say that you didn’t already think about him at least once a day, but now it was worse. When you woke up, you wondered if he was still asleep. While you drank your morning coffee, you wondered if it’d taste sweeter had he made it for you. When you had lunch, you wondered if he’d like the spam musubi you made yourself. When you attended your other classes, you wondered which courses he was struggling with this semester.

As you were walking out of your English class, you recalled running into him. Had he not been there, you might’ve driven yourself insane trying to rush over to the music building while diffusing the issue with that stranger.

When you first began to harbor feelings for him, you assumed it would become nothing more than a silly schoolgirl crush. He was attractive and kind to you, but that was just the bare minimum— you thought you’d grow out of it. However, as time went on, what you thought was just puppy love had blossomed into something stronger. It was a force to be reckoned with.

Of course, all of that had been tossed on the back burner with everything that’s going on. Recently you’ve been too afraid for your own safety and well-being to over analyze your interactions with Hyunjae, but now you’re back to square one.

All because he’d done something nice for you.

God, the bar was so low. Was it really too much to ask for someone who was decent? Someone who wasn’t a serial killer?

You were on your way to the music building to wait for Jacob, Kevin, and Eric once again, when you see Hyunjae coming down the hall. He’s on his phone, not paying any mind to his surroundings. You’re about to call out to him when someone stops you, tugging on the sleeve of your sweater gently.

“Hey, Y/N right?” The tall boy asks, a charming smile on his face.

“Uh— yeah,” you nod, tucking some hair behind your ear. “Y-you are?”

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I must seem like a total weirdo,” he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’m Mingyu! We have English together.”

“Oh, you’re Mingyu? Professor Park told me about you before class today,” you give him a small comforting smile. “I don’t mind helping you!”

“Ah, that’s great to hear. I was a bit worried you’d be more annoyed about having to tutor someone so late in the semester.” Though he’s much taller than you and approached you first, Mingyu comes across as a little shy in nature. It puts you at ease in a way.

“No, not at all! English isn’t always the easiest, I get that. I wanna help as much as I can before finals. Look,” you pause, pulling your backpack off one shoulder to rip out a sheet of paper. “I’ll give you my number so we can arrange meet up dates! I’d prefer if we met at the library if that’s okay with you?”

Mingyu grins and sports a thumbs up in agreement. “That sounds perfect. Thank you so much, Y/N!”

You scribble your phone number onto the paper and hand it to him before parting ways. With the off guard conversation, you nearly forgot about Hyunjae, who was nowhere to be seen now. You feel your lips droop into a frown, since you were hoping you could talk with him for a second.

As you’re walking across the quad to the music building, a wind chill blows past you, making you wrap your arms around yourself. It was mid November and for some stupid reason, you were only wearing a small cardigan.

When you squint up at the sky, you also realize it’s more overcast than anything. There’s an angry grey cloud right above you and you curse yourself for not having an umbrella or a raincoat. You should've been more prepared, especially because of the inconsistent weather this time of year.

Suddenly, the sky is blocked from your view and you furrow your brows, spinning around. Hyunjae stares back at you with a smile ten times warmer than the frigid air surrounding you and a thicker jacket in one hand. The other holds up an umbrella just as tiny droplets begin to fall from above.

His timing couldn’t have been better.

“Heading to the music building?” He asks, skillfully placing the coat on your shoulders.

“Mhm… was gonna wait for the boys.” You respond, a little awestruck by how gorgeous he was. Especially up close. Your eyes fixate on the freckle on his nose rather than his own. He hums, keeping an arm around your shoulders as he leads you in a different direction.

“I can take you home again,” he glances down at you. “I don’t mind one bit.”

“O-okay!”

During the car ride to your apartment, you send a quick text to your roommates about not waiting up. You were happy that your relationship with Hyunjae was evolving. The past couple semesters had been rough, and you hadn’t seen him or any of the other guys nearly as much as Jacob, Kevin, and Eric. (And that was only because you lived with them.)

You toss your keys on to the mini table beside the front door, taking off your shoes with a small groan. The boots were cute, but not very comfortable. Hyunjae follows suit, his sock clad feet shuffling against the floor to sit on the couch.

After switching on the TV, you find a random Hallmark Christmas movie to play in the background, knowing full well that his presence beside you was too distracting. The brunette turns to face you, placing a hand on your thigh gently to get your attention.

“So, who was the dude you were talking to earlier?”

You blink at his question. So he saw you after all. Was he perhaps jealous? The idea shouldn’t make you giddy, but it does. “My professor asked me to tutor him ‘cause he’s struggling with English. Why?”

“Just curious. He seemed a little touchy.” Hyunjae plays with the hem of your sweater.

“O-oh. It’s fine, he wasn’t a random perv, if that’s what you were wondering.”

He scoots a little closer to you, tucking some hair behind your ear. You feel your face flush impossibly hotter. Your heart is racing and your breath is caught in your throat. His body heat radiates off of him with the new proximity.

“Good. It drives me crazy seeing other guys put their hands on you.” He admits bluntly, his hand resting at the junction where your neck meets your shoulder.

You know you look insane, your chest heaving up and down and your eyes widened a little. Like a baby deer caught by a predator. Who knew sweet sweet Hyunjae had a rather risqué side to him? You swallow thickly, not daring to move an inch. His thumb caresses your skin gently, goosebumps littering in its wake.

“Hyunjae…” You breathe, lips parting as you finally make eye contact with him.

“You’re so pretty, Y/N.”

You want to scream into the cushion behind you, your hands clamming up. Hyunjae looks like he could swallow you whole if he wanted to, his bottom lip between his teeth as he leans in a bit more. This moment was something straight out of one of your darkest fantasies. You never thought this would ever happen, that either of you would ever actually make a move on the other.

The sound of the front door unlocking catches both of your attention. Hyunjae pulls away from you faster than your brain can comprehend what exactly just occurred. Jacob is the first to walk in, laughing at something Eric said. The three males pause when they see you’re not alone.

The greetings are quick, Hyunjae dapping up the boys as if nothing. He’s also quick to say goodbye, ensuring them that he’ll make sure you’re safe when they’re not around. He gives you that smile of his, the one where his eyes form crescents, and then he’s gone.

You don’t know how much more of this you could take.

“So, Y/N…” Eric starts in the middle of dinner, side eyeing you as he shovels rice into his mouth. “You and Hyunjae have been together an awful lot lately.”

Kevin snorts, kicking the blonde under the table. You suppose it was going to come up eventually. This ‘Will They, Won’t They’ back and forth shit was starting to tire you out. You weren’t getting any younger. Time was passing you up the longer you waited to just say something. And with all that’s been going on, it was silly to be afraid of admitting your feelings.

“He’s being a good friend, Eric,” Jacob sighs, reaching across to flick him on the forehead. “It’s actually really nice that he watches over Y/N when we’re gone.”

Eric grimaces, rubbing the spot that Jacob assaulted. You frown a bit when you realize that he had a point. Hyunjae was treating you like a child that had to be tended to, babysitting you like you weren’t capable of holding your own. Granted, both times he’s come over, you asked him to. So you couldn’t really blame him for assuming you wanted him around to protect you.

“Do y’all think Hyunjae actually likes me? In a non-platonic way?”

Kevin’s spoon clatters onto the floor and they all pause their banter to look at you. Every time your feelings for Hyunjae were brought up, you chose to ignore them and switch the subject. You can’t keep running away.

“Uh— yeah. Duh. Of course he does. I don’t know anyone else who would go out of their way to stay with someone they saw as just a friend multiple times a week so she felt safe.” Kevin finally answers after a moment.

“Okay.” You settle on, taking a sip of your water.

“What do you mean ‘okay’?” He raises an eyebrow at you, but you just shrug.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

As you’re washing the dishes after dinner, you hear the news broadcast over the faucet. Another victim had just been found behind the campus library. The camera shows the scene behind the reporter, something that would’ve made you queasy a couple days ago, but now you feel nothing— just a dull ache in your chest. It’s messy, almost like the killer was in a hurry to get it over with.

The body is covered with a black tarp, paramedics wheeling it away in the corner of the screen. The reporter still wears that dissociated expression on her face as she goes over the details of this victim. She explains that because the murder was done so haphazardly, they were able to identify the body easily.

Twenty three year old Kim Mingyu, Sports Med Major.

The rest of the news report sounds like static in your ears as you scrub away at the dishes mindlessly. Your fingers have pruned and the water was burning the backs of your hands, but you don’t feel it, too checked out to care. It seemed like the killings were getting closer and closer to you. Part of you thought you’d be next every single time.

You had to tell Hyunjae how you felt. It was now or never.

Fifteen minutes later, he’s waiting outside of your apartment complex, leaning against his car. You take careful steps down the stairs, nearly fainting at the sight of him in a hoodie and grey sweatpants. He runs around the car to open the passenger door for you, only shutting it when you’re all buckled up. It’s not long after that he revs the engine and drives off to nowhere in particular, just like you requested. (Curfew ignored.)

It’s silent at first, save for the low hum of his music, R&B that resonates somewhere within your soul. You can’t help but steal a glance from your peripheral, fisting your sweatshirt when you see how concentrated he looks while driving. He has his right hand resting on the gear shift, the other gripping the wheel. You could’ve had this view all to yourself so long ago had you just spoken up.

“Hyunjae,” your voice is wobbly, but you steel yourself to continue. “I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?” He asks, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Do you think— uh— do you think you could pull over?” If you were going to confess, you wanted him to look at you. Besides, the drive was starting to make you jittery.

He nods and goes a bit further, before pulling into an empty lot. He shifts into park, unbuckling his seatbelt so he could turn his body towards you, giving you his undivided attention. You mirror him, tightening your hold on your sweater when he wets his lips, smiling at you. “Is this what you called me for?”

“Yeah, actually,” you force yourself to keep eye contact, pushing the lump back down your throat. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for years now, if I’m being honest with both of us.”

He chuckles, much like he did the other night over the phone. It drives you just a little crazy. “I’m listening.”

“I— I don’t know how to word this properly…” You wipe your palms on your legs. Come on, Y/N, spit it out already. “Fuck, okay, I like you Hyunjae. Like, really like you. In the way that I sometimes wish you would kiss me until I can’t breathe. I’ve been so afraid of admitting that to myself, but I’ve realized that life is way too short to dwell over the fear of rejection. But please, tell me you feel the same.”

He stares at you with an indecipherable look in his eyes. You feel like throwing up now, you stomach twisting and churning at the thought that you just ruined everything between you. There was no going back after this. He knew.

It’s as if months have passed by in utter silence with Hyunjae just sitting there, no words coming out of his mouth, until finally, he just leans across the center console, cupping your cheek with one of his hands. His vision is trained on your lips, his face close enough that his lashes flutter against your skin. God, he was even more gorgeous from this distance.

Instead of saying anything, he presses his lips to yours, a sweet but desperate kiss that melts away all the worries tucked into your head. They feel so soft on your own, molding together in near perfect timing. It’s like you’d been living for a year without rain and this kiss was the shower that saved you from a drought. It’s all you’ve ever wanted and needed and more.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he breathes when he pulls away slightly. “The real thing is so much better than I imagined it would be.”

For once, time slows down in this moment, almost like the world stopped spinning on its axis. Everything slips from your mind and it’s just you and Hyunjae, here in his car in the middle of an empty parking lot. Nothing else matters. You smile at his confession, a genuine smile that was spurred on by contentment rather than force. You felt light and airy, no longer weighed down by such a trivial problem.

“I think I have an idea,” you giggle, reaching up to brush a stray hair from his face. “I’m not too sure, though, I could be wrong. Could you do that again to help jog my memory?”

Hyunjae laughs, (it’s the most melodic sound you’ve ever heard) but doesn’t hesitate to kiss you. You reciprocate his passion, tangling your fingers in his dark hair. He sighs into the kiss, pulling you on top of him. Your legs straddle his lap as best as they can and he reaches down to recline his seat, scooting it as far as it can go from the wheel. The thin material of your fleece shorts hardly hide the feeling of him under you, a low moan pushing into his mouth.

He nips at your bottom lip, tugging at it with his teeth gently before peppering kisses along your jaw and neck, sucking along the exposed skin from your sweatshirt. You whine, throwing your head back as his tongue soothes over the bruising area. His hands slide under your top, rubbing up and down your sides before moving them down to your thighs, repeating the action.

“You’re so gorgeous on top of me like this, Y/N.” Hyunjae says, just above a whisper like someone else might hear this intimate conversation. He grips your hips and bucks upwards to grind into your clothed core. Your eyes widen and you involuntarily moan at the sensation. This wasn’t what you were expecting when you planned to confess, but you didn’t hate the outcome. He grins at your response, reconnecting your mouths sloppily.

If you were given the choice, you were wholeheartedly satisfied with just this. You would’ve been plenty okay with just making out. Had you been asked years ago that you’d even get this far, you would’ve snorted in your own face, so why should you be greedy and want more than what you had? (That’s not to say that you didn’t.)

“H-Hyunjae,” you stutter, your brain foggy from all of the kissing you just did. “Do you…?”

You trail off, not sure how to word your question. You didn’t want to come off like a sex crazed maniac, but you didn’t want to come off like an amateur virgin either. Truth of the matter is, you were neither, but it had been a while since you indulged yourself in something of this sort. And this time it would be with Hyunjae, the one person you never thought you’d do this with. You were nervous.

All you wanted was to be entwined with him in more ways than one. You wanted all of him— the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the sick, the healthy. He could do no wrong on your eyes and you wanted to show him that.

“Do I…?” Hyunjae trails off, waiting for you to continue.

“Do you want to make love… with me?” This had to be the single most mortifying moment of your life. You cover your face in humiliation, shying away from him when he sits up on his elbows.

“What kind of question is that?” He asks with a chuckle, prying your hands from your face so he could look you in the eyes. “If I could make love to you every hour of the day, for seven days a week, I would. I want you all the time, Y/N. Earlier today, before we got interrupted, I wanted to do unimaginable things to you.”

You hide yourself in the crook of his neck, your skin flushing hotter. Weren't you wearing too many layers? The car was starting to feel stuffy. Hyunjae’s chest rumbles with laughter beneath you, pressing his lips to the shell of your ear. This is probably the gentlest he’d be with you all night, because from what you could infer, he was a manhandler.

“Take care of me,” you breathe, mouth brushing against his pulse point. “Please.”

Hyunjae stops holding himself back. He’d do whatever you asked of him, only hoping you’d be tied to him in every lifetime, just like this one. He kisses you again with an unrivaled fervor, slipping his hands inside your sweatshirt and touching you everywhere physically possible. They’re warm on your skin, palming your breasts over the flimsy fabric of your bralette.

He helps you get rid of your top and shorts, leaving you in just undergarments. The sight of you barely clothed sends him into a frenzy, especially knowing it’s for his eyes only. You aid Hyunjae in pulling off his hoodie and yanking his sweatpants down his long legs. The minute most of your restrictions are gone, Hyunjae brings you closer to him. He hisses at the contact, the warmth of your cunt through your panties putting him under a spell.

You whimper when his touch travels down your front, sneaking into the waistband of your underwear. The pads of his middle and ring fingers apply the lightest amount of pressure onto your clit the second he finds it, circling the sensitive bundle of nerves. Your nails on one hand dig into his shoulder while the other trails down his abdomen, rubbing up and down his length through his boxer briefs.

Hyunjae groans into your kiss and you gasp for air as you tear from him, resting your forehead on his to watch as you get each other off through your clothes. If earlier was something taken from one of your wet dreams, what did this constitute as? You clench around nothing when he pushes up into you, your wrists clashing. Knowing he was just as down bad for you as you were for him just made this all that much more real.

“I need to feel you around me,” he mumbles in your ear, dipping his fingers in and out of you languidly as if to explain what he meant. “Let me stretch you out.”

You nod in response, fumbling with his briefs. Hyunjae lifts his hips enough for you to help him out of them. You groan when he reveals his impressive size, wondering how exactly he expected you to take him. He pushes your panties to the side, mimicking the sound you just made when he sees your bare pussy drooling for him. You eventually get frustrated and line him up with your hole, sinking down in one fluid motion. A voluminous moan escapes from the back of your throat, his dick throbbing achingly inside of you. At first you stay still like that, your pelvises touching as you adjust to his length and girth.

“H-holy shit— you’re s-so deep, Jae,” you cry, resting your forehead against his yet again. He pecks your lips, holding onto your hips to help you bounce on his cock, practically impaling you every single time.

“Fuck, you’re taking me so well. Such a good fucking girl,” Hyunjae grunts, the warmth of your walls drawing him in even further. “So tight, too.”

Your thighs begin to burn and your movements become slower, which he takes note of instantaneously. He bends his knees and forces your upper half impossibly closer to him, thrusting up into you. This new angle allows him to find that one spongy spot that has you seeing stars, fogging up your brain and even your vision.

You cast a downward glance at the minimal space between where the two of you are connected. Your moans and whines grow louder with the view of every thrust of his hips into yours. Hyunjae sneaks his hand in the middle of you, his fingers expertly toying with your clit. Any more stimulation and the band in your stomach is snapping.

You’ve had sex before. You’ve slept with a handful of other guys in the past, but nothing could ever compare to this moment. Your cunt had already memorized his size and every vein, effectively ruining the chances of any other man doing this with you. Lee Hyunjae had you in a chokehold whether he realized it or not. He had you wrapped around his finger without really trying, but you could never complain.

Your walls squeeze his cock and he knows he won’t last much longer, shutting his eyes tightly. “C’mon baby, you gonna cum for me?”

“Mhm,” you whimper, your skin flush on his own. “Wanna cum so bad for you, Hyunjae.”

“Yeah? Me too, sweetheart,” he pants, the thumb on your hip pressing against the bone. “Where do you want me?”

“Inside,” you babble. “Please, please. I want you to cum inside me, Hyunjae.”

He kisses you softly just then, swallowing your pretty moans with something completely opposite of what he’s already given you, and that’s what sends you spiraling, fluttering around him. He groans, spilling into you and letting you milk him dry of everything he has to offer, painting your insides just like you asked him to.

You lay like that for a while, Hyunjae’s dick still buried in you to the hilt. Both of you attempt to catch your breaths and bring yourselves down from the well-anticipated euphoric state you just visited. You giggle at the condensation coating the windows of his car, extending your arm to draw a heart and a smiley face with your finger. He slowly pulls himself out, hissing at the sensitivity, but doesn’t make a move to get you off of his chest.

Where do you go from here? A line had just been crossed and you weren’t entirely sure you knew what he wanted from you. It’s one thing to imagine kissing and fucking someone extensively. But it was another to actually want a tangible, romantic relationship from them, to actually capacitate feelings for them.

“I love you,”

You jolt up and stare at him with widened eyes. Did those words really just come out of his mouth? As if he can read your mind, he nods. There’s a dragged out sigh, followed by him sitting up slightly with you perched on his lap.

“I really do, Y/N. I’ve felt this way for years and I’m willing to do anything for you.” He admits, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. You kiss him gently, the pad of your thumb swiping across his cheekbone.

“I love you, too.”

The Saturday after your night in Hyunjae’s car brought everything into perspective for you.

You hadn’t spoken to him since he dropped you off at your apartment and it was beginning to worry you. Even though you made sure he reciprocated your emotions, there still could’ve been a misunderstanding. Had you been too forward? Did you scare him away? Did something happen to him? Whatever the explanation was, you didn’t like the eerie feeling it started brewing in your stomach— it was foreboding.

In spite of not talking to them at all in what seemed to be a month or so, you tried calling each of your mutual friends to see if you could get some answers. Not even his roommates picked up their phones and this made you much more uneasy. You pace back and forth in your living room, nicking at your bottom lip with your nails. Why did he choose now of all times to ghost you? What went wrong?

Kevin comes out of his bedroom a couple minutes later, expecting to grab his morning coffee as usual. When he finds you nearly on the brink of insanity instead, he decides to intervene. He supposed his caffeine could wait until his best friend was calmed down. You jump in surprise, holding a fist to your chest. He raises his hands in mock surrender.

“Didn’t mean to startle you, my bad. What’s up? Why do you look like you’re going through a quarter life crisis?” Kevin asks you, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Is everything okay?”

“I—“ you pause and take a deep breath. “I don’t know…”

His eyebrows furrow and he guides you to the sofa so you could sit down. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?”

“Hyunjae hasn’t talked to me since Thursday night, after he brought me back here,” your voice is hoarser than you’d like it to be. “I-I texted and called him a bunch but he hasn’t replied. I even— I even tried Juyo, Sunwoo, and Changmin. No luck with them either. I’m concerned, Kev.”

Kevin combs through his hair, pursing his lips in thought. “Yeah, okay, I would be too. It's a little weird that none of them are responding. Have you thought of just showing up at his place to check in on him?”

You shake your head. “No, I didn’t want him to think I’m clingy and annoying in case he was there. What if he just wants to get me off of his back and he’s telling them to ignore me?”

“I don’t think that’s the case at all, Y/N,” your friend sighs, putting his glasses on top of his head and running a hand down his face. “Hyunjae has never been that kind of person in all the years we’ve known him. I highly doubt he’d switch up now. Plus, he’s literally crazy about you. I’m pretty sure the guy would move heaven and earth for you if he could. I think there’s a very real and genuine possibility that something is seriously wrong. It’s like— it’s just a gut feeling, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” If Kevin felt this way, too, that would only mean one thing, right? You had to get to the bottom of this. There was a chance that lives depended on it. A quick roll of your neck and you’re standing. “I’m gonna go over there. I can’t leave things unanswered. I can’t wait for a fucking news report.”

The ravenette pats the top of your head. “Be careful, N/N. Please.”

You give him a nod before you’re slipping into your shoes and grabbing his car keys. You’re not exactly dressed for a confrontation if there is one— clad in a pair of sweatpants, an oversized sweatshirt with your university’s crest on it, and socks with sandals— but you were too preoccupied to care.

The drive itself was mentally taxing, your brain dissociating most of the ride. You’re not sure how many of the lights you passed were actually green. The closer you got to Hyunjae’s apartment, the more that trepidation settling in your lower abdomen grew. Throughout your life, you’d never been the type of person who acted on instinct or had a nagging voice in the rear of your head warning you about situations you got into. You usually went with the flow and if you made a mistake, you allowed yourself to learn from it.

However, that was prior to being thrown into a period of uncertainty like this one. Now, all you could do was act on instinct. All you could do was listen to the stupid nagging voice in the rear of your head yelling at you. All you could do was follow the blaring alarms and caution signs in your field of vision. And this time they were almost deafening.

Kevin’s car rolls to a stop outside of Hyunjae’s building, occupying an empty spot three away from the front of the stairs. Your pulse races when you step out of the vehicle and immediately recognize the cars in the spaces beside yours. Hyunjae’s, Juyeon’s, and Changmin’s. You notice a thin layer of dirt caking Juyeon and Changmin’s, as if they’d remained unmoved for a long time. Perturbed wasn’t a big enough word to describe what was going through your mind.

Half of you was terrified to take a step towards the stairs, let alone ascend them to Hyunjae’s floor. What would go down when you reached his apartment? What would happen the moment that door opened?

You ball your hands into fists, the edges of your nails jabbing the skin of your palms. The pain steels you enough to move forward, walking up the stairs slowly. There’s a chill tiptoeing along your spine the whole trip up, like your body knew what you were getting yourself into before you did. Maybe you were stupid. Only an idiot would lead themselves blindly into a scenario without knowing the outcome.

It’s been minutes of you staring at the slightly rusted numbers on Hyunjae’s door before you register that you’re standing in front of it. If you're being honest, you have no idea what you’re doing. You were acting on autopilot— progressing without a thought of what’s coming next. A shuddered breath leaves your lips and you raise your knuckles to the door.

The first knock is too soft to hear if the inhabitants were in their bedrooms, so you apply more force the second time. The sound reverberates through the hall, a wince appearing on your features. If someone was inside, surely they had to have heard that one. You wait a little longer for the door to swing open and reveal one of your friends looking perfectly fine. For Juyeon to showcase that grin of his that reaches his eyes and ask what you were doing here. For Changmin to give you that sweet smile that puffed up his cheeks and ask what you needed. For Sunwoo to blow a raspberry before he laughed at how silly you were for stressing over them. For Hyunjae to reassure you that it was all going to be okay, that he loved you. You were praying for that.

But no one showed up on the other end of that doorway and you were stuck glaring at that same painted board of wood.

That’s what sends your instincts into overdrive. Your hand grabs the knob, twisting it just in case. It makes a full rotation, pushing open the door the tiniest bit. You peek inside carefully and find all the lights in the living room and kitchen off. Your teeth bite down on your lip as you enter the apartment. One of the things you hated about it, was the annoying buzz of the fluorescent lights in their bathroom. And for some reason, that was all that infiltrated your ears.

The door for said bathroom was cracked just a tad at the end of the hallway, but what caught your attention was the room closest to you— also cracked the most miniscule amount. You see light filtering through, an almost orange glow like that of a desk lamp. Your stupidity would be your downfall, you conclude, your feet gravitating to the room. It’s Hyunjae’s you recall when you’re outside of it. They always say curiosity killed the cat, and you couldn’t help but revert to a feline and nudge it open with your foot.

You really wished that saying was just that— a saying.

Eric sits ahead of you, tied to a chair in the middle of the room. There’s a piece of fabric gagging his mouth and his clothes are tattered, blood staining nearly every inch. A long gash runs along his left bicep and a myriad of smaller cuts litter his face and arms. What your focus lands on first are the several deep stab wounds on his thighs.

A hand comes up to cup your mouth to keep yourself from screaming at the sight of your best friend in this position. He struggles against his restraints, muffled cries for your assistance shattering your heart into a thousand pieces like broken shards of glass. Tear streaks mixed with dried blood cover the apples of his cheeks.

“Oh my god, Eric,” your voice wobbles as you scramble to free him. “Oh my god…”

You pull down the fabric in his mouth first and he gasps for air. His eyes widen at something behind you and he warns, “Y/N—!” before he’s interrupted by your yelp. The person pressed into your back has their arm around your neck with a hold tight enough that you can’t escape, but loose enough that you can breathe, the blunt edge of a knife grazing the column of your throat.

“Tsk tsk, Youngjae. You should know that making so much noise when your killer’s not in the room just alerts them of suspicious activity. That’s survival 101, my friend. Isn’t that right, sweet sweet Y/N?”

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

This wasn’t happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

“Please, let her go, Hyunjae.” Eric begs. Hyunjae hums, nuzzling his nose in your hair. He rolls his eyes and scoffs after inhaling your scent, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“God, you’re a mouthy one. Not even Juyeon and Sunwoo were this chatty when I slit their throats— then again, it's not like they could talk much anyway.” He snorts.

You felt sick. You were lightheaded now, just at the thought of your friends gone. “W-why are you doing this?”

Hyunjae grumbles, pouting his lips. “Time for me to unravel my evil villain monologue, huh?” He slips a hand under your sweatshirt and pinches the side of your waist. “Well here it is; what you’re dying to know. The first incident was by complete accident, we were simply having a discussion about why he shouldn’t have been staring at your ass while his girlfriend was next to him at Jeong Jaehyun’s end of summer bonfire. The dude got pissed off that I called him out and tried to start a fight, but I shoved him so hard, he fell and hit his head on a rock. I just couldn’t find it in myself to feel bad about it so I left him there like nothing. From then on, anyone who came between us or remotely hurt you in any way wound up on the receiving end of this knife. Funny isn’t it? How you’re the one beneath it this time?”

It all began to fall into place once he laid the cards out on the table for you to read. The guy you ran into Tuesday after class. Poor Kim Mingyu, who just wanted to pass his English final. Your friends not picking up their phones. And supposedly it was all in the name of love.

“Y-you did that for me?”

“Of course, baby,” Hyunjae mutters into the shell of your ear. “I said I’d protect you didn’t I? I just want you all to myself.”

“What the fuck does that possessive bullshit have to do with me? What did it have to do with Juyo or Changmin or Sunwoo?” Eric cries. “Oh god, what about—?”

“Sangyeon, Hoon, Chanhee, Hak? Yeah, those four were taken care of way before my own roommates. You, obviously, were the chosen one this go around. Then it would be Kevin and lastly, Jacob. I planned on stopping after you three unless absolutely necessary.”

“How is any of this fucking necessary? You’re psychotic,” the blonde exclaims, still wriggling in his restraints. “Why would Y/N want you after all of this? Did you really believe she’d never find out about what you’ve done?”

Hyunjae glides the smooth edge of the blade against your skin and releases you from his grip, but takes a hold of your wrist, placing the handle in your grasp. He urges you forward, closer to Eric. “If she was scared of me, don’t you think she would’ve tried harder to escape me? Didn’t even blink when I held the knife to her neck.”

The brunette kisses your temple and you watch the fear in Eric’s eyes morph into defeat. “After everything we’ve been through? I’ve known you since eighth grade, Y/N. Eighth fucking grade. And this is how it ends?”

“H-he loves me,” you stutter, glancing at Hyunjae. “Don’t you?”

“You don’t kill your best friends out of love, Y/N! He’s insane! Please, don’t let him get into your head. You’re not that kind of person.” Eric attempts to reason.

Maybe you weren’t. Maybe you were. Who knows? That didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that Hyunjae loved you. He loved you so much that he’d kill for you. Over and over and over again.

It was kind of comical that you loved him all the same. You, too, would kill for him. Over and over and over again.

#the boyz #the boyz x reader #the boyz smut #the boyz hyunjae #tbz #tbz x reader #tbz smut #tbz hyunjae #lee hyunjae #lee hyunjae x reader #lee hyunjae smut #hyunjae #hyunjae x reader #hyunjae smut #juyeonszn

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marketfreshfics · 11 months ago

Text

Love is a... | Sebastian x MC

Header image (Sebastian): @starrysallow ✦ 5,439 words ✦ NSFW content (MDNI) ✦ unnamed female MC (no use of y/n), estranged friends to lovers, mild physical confrontation, some angst, oral, masturbation, p in v, tw: choking ✦ Inspired by "Love is A..." - PVRIS ✦ Read it below the cut or on AO3

Events following catastrophe were called fallout for a reason. Oftentimes it wasn’t the disaster itself, but the particles of pain that amassed the body counts, thrown to the heavens and scattered. What goes up, must always come down.

After killing Solomon and being pardoned outside of a court of magical law, based on friendship and honesty at the decision of his closest two friends, Sebastian was never the same. He stopped regular class attendance, prioritized unhealthy friendships, and frequented the restricted section even more.

She worried, constantly, but each attempt to reconnect and rekindle had been dodged and ignored. Her poor owl probably thought her a right lunatic with the amount of return post that accumulated next to her bedside.

It was as if he breathed in strands of that wretched Killing Curse, and his former self was another casualty of that day.

Distance was the only solution, and weeks bled to months, then years. Hostilities were built, grudges cemented, and relationships wedged. A lifelong friendship built on mutual trust, obliterated by all counts without salvage.

It hurt her heart, to say the least. Even Ominis insisted on prioritizing Sebastian’s company, solely out of self-flagellating guilt in believing he could have, somehow, prevented all of this. Now, he felt like it was the best means of maintaining Sebastian’s composure, of averting further tragedy. Eventually, the infrequent study sessions and conversations in the Slytherin common room became a thing of the past. The Undercroft’s clockface locking mechanism collected cobwebs, of time lost and friendships standing still.

She withdrew; the end of her seventh year approached and she was consumed by the quiet, by research, by exams. By any and all distractions that held her focus long enough to neglect her feelings.

Until one sleepless evening, as she passed the time in the Slytherin common room, tracing shapes in the condensation on the windows looking out into the Black Lake. The sound of footfalls and deep snickers bit her focus and induced an automatic eye-roll, the tells of men being up to no good. She turned her back to the stairwell, opting out of asking what they were up to at one-thirty in the morning.

Nothing great from the sounds of it. The group halted at the bottom of the stairs, whispered amongst themselves, and let out hushed sounds of approval. And then, the last voice she wanted to hear in the middle of the night beckoned her attention.

“Hello.”

Fucks sake, she thought, hearing Sebastian’s unfortunately familiar tone. His cronies chuckled, and worry started to spread uncomfortably in her chest.

“Leave her be, Sebastian.”

Relief cooled her blood as Ominis chided his best friend. Nothing wary would occur if he was in their company, that was certain; the heir of Slytherin had a quiet but firm reputation that fellow housemates were keen to avoid fucking around near. She turned, and swallowed hard.

Sebastian was a ghost of his former self, having filled out the straight-up-and-down form of his early teenage years. His black button-down could have used a proper resizing, taut at the biceps, the slightest hint of his undershirt peeking through the first buttonhole. Had they maintained a proper friendship still, she might have found him rather fetching.

But that was off the table entirely, their friendship long past expiration, the unanswered letters like an obituary in itself.

Sebastian crossed the central chamber of the common room, walking with the subtle saunter of liquid courage and bad influence, smirking with a glassy haze in his eyes.

He stood far too close to her. “I said, hello.” Terse, unyielding. The firewhisky on his breath branded her cheeks, and at this proximity, she was painfully aware of how much taller than her he’d grown. His little band of brothers hung back much to her relief; Ominis stood between them and the tower of darkness, the only one of them with some decorum (and sobriety)

“What do you want?” She muttered, fists balled at her sides to hide their tremble.

Sebastian feigned a hurt expression but it immediately dissolved, replaced with a terrible implication in his grin. “You.”

His audience chortled, save for Ominis, who seemed to be carefully attuned to whatever Sebastian was about to say next.

She ignored his forward attempt, cursing herself inwardly for how excited it made her feel. “What happened to you?” She wasn't looking for an answer, at least not immediately. She would have preferred he give it some thought, then approach her the next morning with an explanation (and, perhaps, an apology). “What’s wrong with you? Ever since you-”

Chagrined by her prying question, he reacted abruptly, grabbing her by the throat and pushing her back hard against the window.

His friends seemed perturbed by the action, immediately noping out of any involvement and backing out of the room for what they believed was yet to come. Ominis however took a step towards Sebastian, his wand raised, pulsing red. “Release her, Sebastian.” There was an exercised firmness in his voice as if he’d done this before. She wasn't the least bit surprised.

What was surprising, however, was her arousal. For his hand to be large enough to cup her throat just right, she thought it unfair. His eyes commanded her gaze, nostrils flared and breath hissed over snarled lips. His words bore grit, and punctuation pronounced. “Watch. your. mouth.”

It was no suggestion, about as much room for argument as was left in her airways for oxygen to travel to and from; next to none. Her jugular pounded against the web of his thumb, and his eyelids fluttered, pupils contracting in the earth of his eyes.

He knew. He bloody well knew how she was reacting, he had to. It shredded her innocence then, flayed it on the rack and flung her into a pit that the bastard dug himself.

Sebastian’s lip twitched, the corner tugging upwards into a smirk. Fuck him, she thought before speaking her mind, an emphatically sharp remark cutting a web of spit that landed on his chin. It only broadened his grin, as he wiped it away with his middle finger before swiping it with his tongue.

Her sympathies were with Ominis who had to endure this display of power and obstinate threats. “You’re reprehensible, Sebastian!” he warned as a firm hand clapped his shoulder. “Leave her be. She’s gone through enough already without your mistreatments.”

But she didn't want him to leave her be. She wanted him to mistreat her even more, and leave nothing left.

Mercy was given as Sebastian released her, wringing his hand. He narrowed his eyes as she ran off towards the spiral staircase, leaving before Ominis could provide consolation. Only once she was safely out of eye and earshot did she suck in a breath. She winced, a sting of soreness at her swallow, coughing to clear her stuck esophagus.

But that wasn’t what she fixated on. Instead of fear, she felt curiosity. Instead of warnings heeded, she draped his red flags over her shoulders like expensive silks.

Deceived into tasting forbidden fruit by a fucking snake. She could have laughed if she weren’t so fixated on the abject deploracy of it all. Every detail was ingrained in memory, down to the searing heat exhaled from his nostrils, fanning her décolletage, his inferno blazing.

And still, tears sprung to her eyes as she ran to the only spot she considered would provide some quiet reprieve…

And somewhere she could moan freely without an audience.

Thankfully the greenhouse was left unlocked, most likely by a fifth-year tasked with watering the dirigible plums after dinner and forgot to lock up. She stepped into the classroom, the humidity warmer than the cold dampness of the Slytherin dungeons, and she found a quiet corner to scoot on her bottom out of sight.

Despicable as it was, her digits committed treason and slipped under the waistband of her pajamas, sinning herself, confessing to those immoralities to please with her pleas. Her eyes wrenched shut in concentration as she drew upon her new little devious spank bank, every reaction cycling on a loop as her wrist bones cracked quietly in her panties with the fervour of her ministrations. And as close as she managed to get herself, with the image of Sebastian tattooed on tight eyelids, she almost cursed out loud when the latch on the greenhouse door clicked with movement.

She wasn't alone anymore.

She might have anticipated Ominis following her in hopes of apologizing on his behalf, but she never would have expected Sebastian to be the one stepping into the greenhouse, not after what transpired minutes ago. Perhaps Ominis talked some sense and ordered him to reconcile in person.

He leaned against the door, his hands in his pockets. “I can see you,” He said quietly, gesturing to her slippers poking out of the shadows. “What are you doing over there? Please, can you come out a moment?”

“Or what?” She replied, still trying to steady her breath, the combination of running and masturbating making it draw shallow. “You going to strangle me again if I don't?”

He exhaled, and… pleaded? “Promise I won't. That… I was out of line. You didn't deserve a moment of that treatment, not ever.”

She frowned, not expecting this change of pace whatsoever. She pushed herself up to stand, quickly wiping her fingers on the inside of her t-shirt, shuffling closer to him while maintaining adequate distance. With the enchanted heat lanterns angled at the massive venomous tentacula nearby, his face was washed with a glow that gave him a false sense of innocence. Her heart ached as she looked attentively at her former best friend for more than she had in over a year. “Sebastian,” she began, crossing her arms. “Can we talk about this in the morning? You’re drunk.”

“Not anymore,” he replied. “Ominis gave me a rather sobering talk.”

“Still.”

He sighed. “Please… we’ve gone too long without hashing this out. There’s a lot I need to say, and I’m certain the same rings true for you as well, no?”

She nodded, chewing her lip. It took several heavy seconds for him to continue, weighed down by the breadth of time spent apart. “I want to start by apologizing for how I threatened you this evening. I had a few drinks, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Even though it sounded like he was reading from a rehearsed script, his expression was genuine. “It wasn't right to scare you that way.”

If you only knew, she thought, but she wasn’t about to give him the benefit of the doubt. She looked down and focused on the small hole in the toe of her slipper. “It’s fine,” she replied, nodding. “No. I’m alright. Thank you for checking on me.”

Truth be told, she just wanted him to wrap it up so she could rub one out already. She couldn’t think of anything but his hand on her throat, and it was giving her a fuckton of bad ideas. When she looked up again he was eyeing her curiously, and the hint of narrowness in his gaze made her bottom lip tuck between her teeth.

“What were you doing here before I arrived?”

She wondered, at that moment, if he’d spent his free time studying legilimency. Her nonchalance did not convince him. The tells were there: flushed face, rumpled pajamas, the drawstring tucked into her waistband. Still, she didn’t want him to know that she was fingerfucking herself before his surprise appearance; Merlin knows what that would do for his ego. She played it off. “Just checking the growth progress on my mallowsweet.”

“You’re still a piss poor liar.” He huffed, though a shadow of a genuine smile made an appearance as he clasped his hands in front of him. He studied her, stepping closer. “I’ll need to be honest with you now, but I only ask that you be honest with me in return.”

“You weren’t before?” She raised an eyebrow.

“What? No, yes—- I was being honest there, truly.” He was tripping over words, evidently still feeling some of the alcohol in his system. “I won’t lie to you, promise.”

After consideration, she nodded. “Okay, what is it?” I’m probably going to regret this, she thought, leaning against a crate of potting soil.

Sebastian’s expression was thoughtful, the space between his brows creased. It appeared as though he were trying to choose the proper words. “Over the past couple of years, we’ve… well, I haven’t been myself.” The halfhearted scoff from her was not lost on him, but he continued. “Ever since, you know… that, happened, I’ve experienced these disturbing feelings, impulses that make me want to do terrible things. I don't know how to describe them, but they’re not inherently good. Ominis believes I’m dealing with guilt, but it’s not so simple. It’s not that direct.”

His quiet intensity doubled down then, and he looked at her. “I’ve wanted to… to hurt you.” His voice softened as he said your name. “I’ve thought of unimaginable things, truly awful acts that made me consider my very sanity. Things that you would never deserve in a thousand years. And they aren't just passing through.” The words seemed to leave a foul taste on his tongue. “They stick around. No one knows about it, because how could I admit such a thing? Even now I’m trying to cast them out. I don't know if it’s some kind of repressed anger that you decided against turning me in, forcing me to live with the consequences of my actions without trial…”

He shook his head. “Sorry, I’m prattling. I just want you to know, this is the reason I’ve been so… distant, with you. It ate me up inside to stay away and it wasn't fair to you without an explanation, but I couldn't trust myself. Even now, or earlier I mean… I don’t know if these thoughts will go away entirely.” Shame settled into his features. “Still, I miss you. I have missed you, and I miss our friendship. I miss…”

Sebastian blinked for a moment, and before she could interject he was standing right in front of her, hands on the crate behind her. She was locked in, his strong arms a barrier from freedom, but she wasn't about to attempt escape. To do so would mean she couldn't experience him this close, this intense. He towered over her, swallowing, Adam's apple bobbing. “I miss what could have been. Please, be honest with me…” He took her hand then, dwarfing hers. It made her chest tight as he murmured, and the heart was apparent in his words. “Even knowing what I’ve shared, knowing fully well that I want to fight these feelings for you, would you ever… even want, to be friends again?”

Her mouth fell open slightly, the wind out of her sails. The divisiveness in her was tumultuous, warring between slapping him across the face and shouting profanely for the blind selfishness. True that there was deep anger in her heart, but there was also a void that ran deep, a cut that never healed. She looked up at him, let out a sigh, and wrapped her arms around his torso, her face in his chest.

Sebastian was caught off guard, his inhale caught in his windpipe, but he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her in return. He held her so tightly she winced, letting out a small groan, but she didn't shy away, hugging him with equal enthusiasm as they swayed with the shared experience of reconnecting a missing piece after far too long.

“Can you tell me when those thoughts are too much to ignore?” She asked after several seconds, looking up at him, ignoring the heartbeat that skipped attendance as a result. “I don’t want you to leave me again. That… that was the hardest thing to go through. I mean, we did everything together, and then to just, suddenly not…” She sighed. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

His brow furrowed. “Still relentlessly selfless, I see.” He smiled, and when he breathed she was relieved to find his breath no longer carried the smell of firewhisky, instead just purely him. “I swear to you, I’ll never put you in danger ever again. If I need to talk to someone or, I don't know, distract myself. I’d sooner fling myself from the astronomy tower than knowingly cause you harm.”

She nodded, but her mind was ping-ponging an idea around that made her reconsider her sanity. Rationality missed roll call and so when she looked up at Sebastian, when the rest of the world vignetted around him, the kiss happened all on its own.

And he was just as eager, holding her body close as he consumed in a heat that scalded her resolve. Those fucking hands of his knew precisely where to hold her, where to pull, an indication that he’d imagined this before into his fist under bedsheets. She moaned with a tender kind of tact, fingers laced in his hair, practically pulling him into her petite form.

He parted to catch his breath moments later, cheeks and nose ruddy with blood flush. “This is okay?” His eyes flickered about her face, honing in on any evidence of disagreement in her expression. “I promise I won’t be rough with you, I--”

“Sebastian,” She murmured, tracing his clavicle as she spoke. Time to come clean. With any luck, he wouldn't be horrified of her. “I… I liked it… when you choked me.”

Brown eyes blinked, and she could practically see the cogs in his head struggle to make a full rotation around her admission. “You… you enjoyed that? But--”

“I loved it.”

His lips parted then, and she saw a new look in his eyes. Perhaps this was what he sought to keep buried from her and yet here she was, laying in the very mound of dirt he turned up.

So much is communicated in their gaze. His expression changes, and the paradigm shifts. “Yeah?” His voice has a hint of heat, a sample of what is to come, and the way he comes to terms with this burned slowly in her belly. “You like rough stuff?”

Her face flamed. “I-I never knew… But when you…”

The thought clicked then, and he tilted his head. “…what did you say you were doing in here, again?”

“…I didn’t.”

A slow smirk of understanding spread and remained in place, even as his lips crashed into hers. He kissed her with more insistence this time, harder, more ragged breaths than taking her breath away. Sebastian leaned into it, teasing her with his words. “What a little imp you are, scurrying off to rub one out. I’m surprised you didn’t go to your dormitory, where I wouldn’t be able to find you, left to your own devices…”

She gasped as those tactile fucking hands of his settled at her hips, fisting the waistband of her pajamas so hard the woven texture and seams of the fabric left indentations on his palms. Her hands were put to good use then as well, attempting to unbutton his shirt without breaking their kiss, a feat in itself considering how little thought was in her brain regarding anything that wasn’t connected to his body. Sebastian resumed his little wordplay while she untucked his shirt from his trousers. “Someone’s eager, aren’t we?”

“Shut up,” she muttered, and he chuckled while swatting her hands away from his nearly open shirt, grabbing and hoisting her to sit on the crate. Her legs snapped open immediately and Sebastian let out the most beautiful breathy groan, leaning into her as his lips descended the column of her neck. The humidity of the greenhouse gathered a whisper of perspiration along their brows, but the heat between them was something else entirely. Finally undoing his shirt in her conquest, it fell from his shoulders and she couldn’t help but drink him in. “Sebastian, you’re…”

He seemed a touch vulnerable at that moment, but it faded lightning fast as he grabbed the hem of his undershirt and pulled it over his head.

Her brain was rendered a useless mound of matter as she ran her hands over his defined chest, her eyes darting to the enticing trail of hair that disappeared into his trousers.

“Fuck,” she breathed, and her intrigue spurred him on, fed the deviant within. His hand slid up her torso, deliberately over a braless breast, settling to hold her throat. The other, however, buried between her legs and cupped her mound from over her pajamas.

The sound she made was positively primal, and she crushed her bottom lip between her teeth as he applied pressure, rubbing his fingers in devastatingly slow circles that made her hips buck. He leaned in close to her ear as she whimpered, nipping a lobe. “That's my girl… sing for me.”

So she did, letting the moans out freely as he tightened his grip on her neck. Her back arched as his thumb pressed into the side of her throat, and the sensation made her acutely aware of her heartbeat. It throbbed in her head and her sex, her mouth agape as his dark eyes watched her reactions, and the wicked grin he gave her pronounced his excitement. “You like that?” He asked, voice hoarse and low, laden with lust. “You like how I touch you like this?”

She nodded eagerly, trying to control the friction between her legs with more measured motions, and he obliged with enough pressure that her wetness began to wick through the fabric, ample and abundant. “Merlin, you’re already so wet for me.” The way he spoke to her was nothing short of sinful, his voice reaching a lower pitch she’d never heard before. He sped up, letting her rock into his palm as he varied the pressure on her carotid. She could come just like this, pathetic and whining and without having taken any clothing off yet.

Sebastian seemed intent on making sure she did just that. He leaned down to mouth a nipple from over her thin t-shirt, pulling another beautiful sound of pleasure from her mouth. The cotton wet with his lips around her pebbled peak and it throttled her impending orgasm. Her moans ascended in pitch, and just as she came the hand on her throat loosened. Her climax rocketed through her then, echoing sharply off the glass panels of the greenhouse, and if anyone were in the immediate proximity they would surely know it wasn't the sound of a mandrake that wriggled loose from its pot. Thighs spasming and tight to his sides, she rode out her release against his hand, the soaked crotch of her pajamas goading him on.

His mouth disconnected from her, capturing her lips in an almost desperate kiss, despite the confidence in his tone. “You’re beautiful when you come for me,” Sebastian purred, and he finally pulled off her shirt, baring her chest. His quiet exhale signaled his enjoyment. “Fuck, look at you…”

“You like what you see?” She found her voice mingled with a new sense of boldness as she palmed her breasts for him, giving him a rightful show. Sebastian uttered an expletive to voice his approval and eagerly claimed her lips in a breathtaking kiss as he undid his belt.

“God, yes,” his response was airy and rough. “Look what you do to me…”

And look she did, as he untucked himself from his underwear, practically twitching with the reflex of his abs clenching, his cock so hard it could crush diamonds to dust. She bit her bottom lip as he palmed his member, a groan born deep in his chest as she scooted off the crate and sunk to her knees in front of him, the cobblestone floor biting her joints. His cock bobbed at the most beautiful fucking sight he ever saw, and with an eager grasp at his base, she took the tip past her lips.

Sebastian’s head lulled back as he let out a quiet “unh,” drawn out once she slid the rest of his length into her mouth. She took his wrists then, bringing them behind her head, and his body knew precisely what to do as his fingers combed through her hair. With an abrupt thrust, he pushed deep into her eager mouth, and the moan that vibrated around his girth was all the encouragement he needed to repeat the motion. He imparted a slow, but intense pace, and she kept up with a slacked jaw and willing tongue. His cock glistened as it slid past her lips, a delicious mix of her saliva and his precum dribbling down her chin as she let him fuck her pretty mouth. The tip hammered the back of her throat and the sound she made to suppress her gag reflex stirred something in his chest, as if the nature of his ability to determine true love had some dirty little kinks of its own.

Then again, looking down into her eyes, gone glassy with the effort of her fellation, he had to wonder.

She didn't offer much room for second thoughts as she bobbed forward, taking him to the very base and then some, her nose pressed into the tufts of hair at his pubic bone. He held her there as she swallowed around his cock, her throat clenched as she sucked hard. With her airways constricted her breath was caught with nowhere to go and she properly choked, her face going red. Sebastian had never experienced something this intense, and he panted with balled fists in her hair to pull tightly.

His hips snapped, withdrawing from her mouth as she sucked in a breath, so quickly that she coughed from the rush of air. “While I’d love to keep fucking your mouth,” he grinned, and she swore she saw the devil himself, “I need you to come around my cock while I choke that pretty little throat of yours.”

His words were music to her ears. She obliged, and he pulled her up by the hair to stand again, attacking her lips, all teeth and tongues. His fingernails scratched her hips as he wrenched her pajama bottoms down, her panties joining them at her ankles before he lifted her onto the crate again. The wood scraped her bottom but she had no room to protest as his cock commanded her attention, dragging deliciously between her puffy folds. “Sebastian, please,” she mewled almost pathetically, angling her hips in hopes of slipping him in on her own.

“Oh sweetheart,” he sighed softly, “you’re so wet…”

An unexpected moment of tenderness claimed his senses then and he looked up, their gazes meeting, hearts swelling. He cupped her cheek, swiping a spot of spit from her chin as he leaned in to kiss her with a softness that he wasn't accustomed to. For all the pain he’d known, for all the darkness that stained his being, she was the safe space to embrace.

And he dare not let go of her. Not again. Not ever.

Her name fell from his lips as he slid inside of her. She hissed quietly as she acclimated to his length, testing his girth with a tightness that sent shivers up her spine. He rolled his hips, and she faced the heavens.

Sebastian was an intense lover, she discovered, his forehead pressed to hers as he fucked her deep, rocking on her ass with his eager motions. She was keen to contribute, her legs pretzeled around his waist, hands gripping his biceps for support, holding on for the ride of her life. Her plush warmth enveloped his cock, a silken heat that pulled him in. Their pace was perfection, enough to build their pleasure without losing traction.

“Mm, here.” He scooped her up at the bottom, carrying her effortlessly to a nearby workstation, gesturing her to lay her back on the desktop. “I wanna see all of you…”

He grabbed her hips with an almost bruising firmness and continued to fuck her on the workstation, watching his cock pump in and out of her, and she realized with a soft chuckle why he’d chosen this specific desk. No doubt this was a slight dig at her previous crush during their third year, Leander fucking Prewett, when Sebastian had caught them snogging outside the entrance to their common room. He’d teased her relentlessly for it, and now she had half a mind to wonder if it was a little crush of his own developing back then. His wicked grin implied they were on the same page. “You little shit,” she chuckled, but it cut off as he slammed inside, pulling an especially loud moan from her. No room for Gryffindor thoughts in this snake pit.

Sebastian’s gaze darkened with lust, his hair tousled along his forehead. One of those perfect hands claimed her throat as he shrouded her. “Yes,” she rasped, and he clasped firmly, squeezing precisely where he had to to get her heart thundering through her temples. She realized then, as her pulse became dangerously loud behind her ears, that he was timing his thrusts to her heartbeat. Her back arched with the increased pace, a symphony of gargled moans singing his praises as she quickly ascended the peak of an approaching climax. “Sebastian, I’m—I’m close…”

“I know,” he replied, unyielding in his motions. The edges of her vision greyed, and before she could protest the impending blackout, he eased his grip. At the precise moment that oxygenated blood returned to her brain, she came hard around his cock, hollering his name as she convulsed on the desk. Sebastian didn't stop, however, chasing the tails of his release with reckless abandon, hips pistoning so hard the table jostled and scraped against the floor. When he did come he punctuated it with a growled expletive, holding his hips flush to hers as her spent, quivering sex milked him for all he could give.

He collapsed onto her chest, kissing her sternum between shallow breaths. “You felt so, so good,” he whispered, craning his neck to offer breathless kisses as she cradled his head adoringly. She gestured to sit upright and he pulled out, sooner than he’d wanted, but he could tell by her soft groan that the firm surface had to be brutal on her spine.

Instead, she held him, melting into another appreciative kiss. “As did you. That was… I never knew it could feel like that.”

Sebastian chuckled, nosing her cheek with affection. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have left you alone after all.”

Her smile faltered, and he caught the echo of pain behind her eyes. “Sorry, I… I should have talked to you about this sooner. I was wrong to have shut you out this way. I was only trying to ensure your safety.” His thumb brushed her bottom lip. “I’ll make it up to you, for lost time.”

“You better,” she grinned again, this time with fondness as she brushed the bangs back from his forehead. “And, maybe… we can keep exploring these new enjoyments together. Perhaps by letting you indulge in some rougher activities, it will help.”

Sebastian nodded slowly. “You’d want to do that for me?”

“Of course I would,” She replied without hesitation. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t offer my assistance?”

A strong brow raised at that, and he smirked. “Oh, is this currently what you would define as friend behaviour between us?” he gestured to their naked forms, flushed pink with post-sex afterglow, glistening with a sheen of sweat. “Merlin, you’ve become awfully chummy.”

She rolled her eyes, thanking him wordlessly as he helped put her shirt back on before retrieving his own. “So you’re assuming I’m you’re girlfriend now or something?”

“Will you?”

She caught it; fleeting, but there nevertheless, a fond expression that brought back memories of his younger years, a boyish charm that captured her heart long ago. Her Sebastian was still living, hidden beneath layers of tarnish and grime, but certainly there, and she would polish him back to his original splendour and shine. She nodded, and they made plans to meet again sooner rather than later because later was an awful prospect in this touching moment of reunion.

She left the greenhouse with his hand in hers, a changed woman, gladly leaving the bodies of their former selves on the floor, all akimbo and forgotten, a distraction for the pain of the past to feast upon, releasing them from the confines of their creation.

Love is a murder, after all.

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