#PUT IT THE FUCK BACK YOU GODDAMN PILLOCKS

[wander-over-the-words]

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

TUMBLR YOU PUT THE FUCKING SIDEBAR BACK AND YOU PUT IT BACK NOW YOU TWITTER-COPYING MOTHERFUCKER

[hitchell-mope]

In a similar vein to my Disney rant from December

There are too many sympathetic villains nowadays. Too many likeable villains. Too many not actually evil just misunderstood antagonists. It needs to stop. Villains should operate on black morality and be punished accordingly. Heroes should get free rein to deal with villains however necessary. I know it sounds cynical but I just feel like series and film creators are using complex characters wrong.

Like. I get it if the villains the main character. Like descendants. Mal gets the most development because she’s the main. I’m alright with that. I like Mal. She gets her just rewards AND her just desserts. But Audrey is not a grey or white character. She was black from the start. And the “motivation” for her finally jumping off the slope was

Bullshit because it’s just the romcom trope of the evil ex with the addition of a stolen wmd

Boring because she was just a poorly handled and poorly done Maleficent facsimile. Cause I’m pretty sure KChen was working on American gods at the time and couldn’t come back.

I like Batman. He beats villains to a pulp and puts them in jail. The villains are child murdering drug pedalling scum who revel in their crimes. It’s why I have no interest in any of the adult character in Gotham besides Jim Gordon and Alfred Pemnyworth. I know how the stories are going to go. So why should I care about buzzard beak or question mark man or the self righteous eco terrorist. Why should I care about the villains at all?

I will say though that characters like Selina Kyle are different as she’s labelled as an antihero and not a villain. But still. Villains. Shouldn’t. Be. Grey. The Draco in leather pants and Ron the death eater tropes are the banes of my existence.

It also doesn’t help when you treat grey characters as purely black. And vice versa. Like Varian in tangled. He’s a scared kid who went off the deep end trying to help his father after no one listened to him. Yeah he went overboard. But it’s for an understandable reason. And yet he’s treated as an untrustworthy lunatic when the real lunatic was treated with understanding and care that she in no way deserved.

Hell. Even marvel gets in on it. They’ve gone from Obadiah Stane to the little welp of an ingrate that is Thor’s brother. Just like Disney’s gone from villains like Scar to pillocks like Namaari. You can’t make bastards like these then expect me to care about them because “they’re sad inside”. I don’t want to cheer them up. I want to cheer they’re downfall.

Shows like Merlin are a little more complicated I grant you. Buts that’s mostly because the show has a really fucked up sense of morality. Like. Uther’s definitely a despotic maniac. But you can’t let the magic users kill him because then Arthur will just carry on his idiot fathers work. And it also doesn’t help that Arthur’s character development is mostly bare bones to nonexistent.

Really I suppose you could say it’s [tumblr]’s fault. I used to like villains. I did. I really did. But the longer I’m on this site and the more I get bombarded with apologist posts on how it’s really the hero’s fault the villains did what they did because “they weren’t nice enough”. Gimme a goddamn break. The Lena Luthor’s of fiction deserve death. No a sympathetic ear. It shouldn’t work like that.

You should be able to make a villain engaging and compelling without making them attractive or sympathetic. For example. Frollo was a perverted old bastard but he was still an interesting character to watch. And you still cheered on his much deserved death.

TL;DR: I know I sound cynical and cruel and bitchy but I don’t care. Because there really needs to be more Scar’s and Obadiah Stane’s in fiction again. And far less Namaari’s and Loki’s

[futurewriter2000]

Heartless - pt. 4

A/N: Finally finished this at 1am in the morning. I can’t wait to go to bed. All the love <3

XX

Oh, you had to love James. You really had to love James, hadn’t you? 

“JAMES!” you wanted to barge into the room but they were locked, so instead you started slamming your arm against it. “OPEN UP YOU GORMLESS WANKER!” you continued to slam as James on the other side widened his eyes at Sirius who was staring at the door, then at James. 

Sirius grinned and put down his book. “What did you do?” 

“I- uh-”

“I WILL B-B-BLOODY MURDER YOU!” you continued to scream.

“Bloody hell, mate.” Sirius laughed. “She’s seriously pissed.” 

“She’s delicate on the topic-” he stopped as he heard the door knob jiggle, widening his eyes in fear as you slammed the door open with a deadly look in your eyes, darted only to James and James only, who was backing away behind his bed. “Heeey... you look......clean.” 

Your eye twitched. “I am on my bloody period! I have back pain! AND YOU LEAVE ME WITH A FREEZING COLD WATER!?!” you bellowed through the room as Sirius only continued to look at you, wrapped in a large towel and your hair up in a bun. He hadn’t seen you like this before, not only half naked in front of him but also burning red from anger and screaming so loudly. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! DO YOU HAVE A GOLDEN COCK OR SOMETHING TO USE THE WHOLE GODDAMN HOT WATER?!”

“I was shaving...” 

“WHAT?! A GORRILA?!” 

“Hey-” he pointed his finger at you as Sirius laughed, letting out small giggles. “I like to take time- you know I’m cold a lot of times... plus I told you I’m going to shower-”

“YOU ROTTEN SPOILED CHILD- LITTLE FUCKER-” you gripped your wand and pointed it at him as he did the same.

“You know the rules, (y/n)! No wand fighting! We promised mum. She’ll kill us if we break another wand-”

“She won’t have to kill you BECAUSE I WILL!”  you threw the wand away and started chasing him around the room with your hand tightly holding up the towel. 

The chase didn’t take long as your back started to hurt again, making you let out a small whimper and then with your hand losing the grip on the towel, you just stopped chasing him in general. 

“I’m telling dad.” you said as you made your way to the door.

“NO!” James ran after you, pulling you by the arm that held on to the towel around your naked body and pulling it with him.

“JAMES! GOD!” you tried to hide your naked body as James felt confused.

“I’ve seen you naked plenty of times when we were kid- OH!” he remembered that Sirius was standing right behind him. He wrapped  the towel around you as you grabbed it away from him.

“YOU BLOODY PILLOCK!” you slapped him on the back of the head.

“YOU’RE THE ONE STORMING INTO MY ROOM HALF NAKED!” he shouted back at you. “You know Pads-” he pointed at Sirius behind him, finding him looking at your legs. “HEY!” he snapped his fingers in front of Sirius and catching his attention. “Eyes up here, mate.” 

Sirius couldn’t help himself but back away with his hands up in defeat, looking at James, then glancing up at you with a small blush under his eyes. 

That same blush caused one to appear on your own cheeks but you tried to hide it behind the anger you were feeling as well. 

And just before James could say anything else that would put Sirius into more embarrassment, you crossed your hands over your chest and cut in. “I’m telling dad, James. He has the right to know that you’re using all the hot water-”

“UUUUHHHHHHHH!” you all heard a shout from the bathroom. “BLOODY HELL!”- it was your father taking the shower and you could never see fear spread faster in James’ eyes as it did that moment. “JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER- YOU BLOODY TWAT.” 

“I think he already knows.” you smirked, backing away from his room and giving Sirius one last glance before you disappeared into your room. 

James ran to his bed and started pulling out his things- most importantly, his cloak. “If he asks, I went for a run-”

“At 11pm?” 

“YES!” James shouted before looking at the source at the footsteps that approached and covered himself with the cloak. 

Fleamont made his appearance- not wrapped in a towel like you did but in black underwear and a shirt over. His eyes were filled with murder just as yours were before- now he knows who you get that feisty anger from. 

“Where is he?!” he roared through the room. “JAMES!” he shouted through the room. “I know you’re in here and I know you’re under a cloak. You can’t leave without getting past me.” 

“Can I leave?” Sirius asked uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his head but Fleamont didn’t budge, focusing on slight movement in the room that would give James up.

Sirius slipped out and grabbed his jacket, making his way out of the house before any yelling would start. 

He hated yelling in the house- for plenty of reasons. That was why it was best to just stay out of it. So he told Euphemia that he’s going for a short walk and be back soon. She gave him a comforting smile and nodded. 

---

He was walking along the trail, leading far into the field of nothingness. He preferred the grass touching him, hugging his shoulders and brushing along his fingertips as a tender summer breeze blew placidly against his face. 

And he smiled, throwing his head back to the day the two of you were standing together, holding together so close- the closest the two of you had since the two of you had known each other. He could still smell he coconut on your skin and the fresh shampoo from your soft hair. 

‘ “If you want to win her over- let her talk about what she loves and encourage her doing it.” he whispered in Sirius ear as he passed him by, gesturing a pencil between his fingers as he let out a laugh and left the three of you at the tree. 

Sirius looked up as the last rays of sunshine washed over your skin. Your hair was let down in wonderful waves- you put effort into your hair as much as you did into your light makeup, laying there and talking to James, observing him with adoration. 

You were stunningly graceful- always had been. “This is pretty good.” ... ‘

He didn’t even know where these thoughts and feelings for you were coming from but they seemed so pleasing to him. To think of you and smile, to see you and feel his heart flutter, to hear you and make his soul dance. Oh, he knew he was in trouble when he saw your naked body and feeling the need to tear that towel off as soon as you wrapped it back around yourself. 

He sat down on the grass and started rolling himself a cigarette, his mind on you during that whole process. When he lit it up, he laid on his back and let his eyes wander on the stars. 

‘It’s sure peaceful.’ - he thought to himself, inhaling and letting it scorch his throat before letting it out slowly. ‘You know there is something in our dynamic, me an you-’ he continued to think, imagine he was talking to you as an image of you appeared in front of his eyes. ‘- to be able to be so blunt to one another and still be there because of James and I know she hates me most of the time because of it but to see that frustrated look in her eyes; to see that nose wrinkle on its bridge and the way her cheeks rise up to her eyes, flooding with redness. The way your anger would wash over you, speak all the things nobody would- with her sharp tongue, cutting my heart every time but it feels good- being hurt by her and I don’t know why. Am I crazy to think that? Or is the way she hurts me the only hurt I want in my life. With her I know what to expect- I know she won’t hold back on words to call me but sometimes just to see her talk to me, to give me attention feels good-’

“I don’t know.” he sighed outloud, covering his eyes with his arm. “We’re so toxic for one another.”

‘But what about that night when she held you? Didn’t you feel it?’ - the voice in the back of his mind started speaking. ‘She’s not bad. It proved she’s not as heartless as she pretends to be around me. She was gentle for the first time towards me that time and it’s like- I loved it. I loved the way she held me and the way she smelled. I wanted to stay in that embrace of hers forever but I can’t think like that. She doesn’t fancy me. Plus she’s James’ sister. He would never be alright with this- not that it would ever happen.’

But the way you looked at him that night couldn’t get out of his head. He thought that maybe... maybe but you couldn’t. He was imagining this. You could never... you were just being a friend, just like James. Just because you are a girl doesn’t change anything. James probably looks at him like that all the time.

...

No, Sirius. 

“Yeah, no.” he let out a laugh, grimacing a bit then thinking of James again. “I mean... no.” he stopped thinking, smoking the entire thing and shoving it into the grass. 

He stood up and started making his way back.

----

When he entered the house, he immediately looked up at the clock that told him it was almost midnight. He closed the door gently and went to hang his jacket on the hanger but as he did that, as quiet as possible, he heard some clattering in the living room. He peered in and saw you rocking on the sofa, holding over your stomach and shaking a bit. 

“Hey.” he came close to you as you shot your head to him. “Are you alright? You’re shivering.” he put his hand on your shoulder.

“Oh, yeah. It’s just cold and I’m waiting for the water to boil for my  hot-water bottle.” you smiled. 

“Hot water-bottle?” 

“It’s for my cramps. It’s really helpful.” you continued to smile, despite the fact how much your cramps were clenching you from the inside. 

He made his way to sit next to you, pulling his sweater off him and offering it to you. “You know you’re really pale from the pain?” he offered you a gentle smile as you eyed the sweater. “Oh, come off it, (y/n). It’s just a sweater.” 

“I know- it’s just. I’m not used to it. Caring Sirius, I mean. ” you took the sweater from his hands and put it on yourself, finding the long sleeves fall off your arms and making you let out a giggle. “I can totally smack you with these.” you started flopping them around, causing him to laugh. 

“What happened to James?” 

“He’s pouting in his room.” you glanced at the stairs. “Dad told him that he’s going to work with him on the garden for mum. Some hard labor.” 

“James and hard labor?” Sirius laughed. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Exactly!” you let out a laugh, letting the conversation die into the silence.

“How’s your back?” he asked and you looked at him.

“Oh, fine. I didn’t take the pills today, if that makes you happy?”

“Oh, I’m quite jolly as you can see.” 

“Like you were when James pulled the towel off me?” you eyed him and saw his cheeks sunk into a pool of roses. You let out a laugh and pushed him a bit. “I’m just teasing you.” 

“Don’t.” he rubbed the back of his neck and tried to laugh it off by looking away. Before anything else could be said, the water started boiling and Sirius jumped to his feet. “I’ll get that.”

“It’s not a doorbell, you know.”

“I know!” he shouted from the kitchen and fanning his heat from his cheeks. You can’t know. It’s just embarrassing. He looked at the water and around the kitchen. “How exactly does a hot water bottle look like?” he asked, still looking around. 

“It’s like a sock with a purple owl knitted in!” you shouted from the other room.

“What?!” he exclaimed, furrowing his eyebrows and looking around the room until he saw a sock and a purple owl knitted in. “I can’t pour this into a sock- oh!” he let out a laugh, seeing as the sock was holding a bag made of silicone. “Nevermind.” he said and grabbed the sock, hearing you laugh in the other room. 

It made him smile, hearing you laugh- especially if he was the one making you laugh. It made his heart flutter like it did before. 

He was falling in love with you. This was far from good. He has to stop- stop romanticising you. 

He came back into the living room with the sock and found you curled up in the sofa, with his sweater and your hair let down, which weren’t before, he felt water get caught in his throat. 

He licked his dry lips and smiled. “Here you go, madam.” he placed it into your lap and plopped himself down on the sofa casually. 

“What a gentleman.” you smiled, placing the sock on your uterus and then looking at him. “You should serve me more. It makes being pissed at you a little harder to manage.” 

“Don’t get used to it, Potter but you’re right. We should enjoy this moment of us being normal for once.” 

“Hmm...normal...” 

“Normal, yes.”

“Wouldn’t believe we could ever manage that- if you asked me this a month or so ago. I think I’d just laugh.” 

“Yeah... it’s kind of exhausting though.”

“Yeah. We had to rest a bit.”

“We’re getting old.”

“Speak for yourself, Black.”

“You speak for yourself- you with your back in the age range of 80.” he mocked and you laughed.

“That’s because of you.” you poked his shoulder and he looked at you confused. “You threw me on the floor, you twat.” you poked him again.

“That’s why your back hurts?” Sirius tone got a bit lower and his eyes filled with guilt- guilt you didn’t see.

“Well, let’s hope it’ll stop before school starts. I really do feel like an 80 year old woman at times.” you laughed, getting on your feet with your sock. “And this grandma has to go sleep soon. You should too.” you turned to him and found him watching you there. “You alright, Sirius?” 

He twitched, getting back from his thoughts and looking at you, getting his broad smile back on. “Yeah... yeah. Goodnight, (y/n). Sleep well.” 

“You too.” you smiled, feeling your heart flutter as he smiled. “Goodnight, Sirius.” 

.

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse: Mickey and the Culture Clash (Commission by WeirdKev27) or “What the Hell, Clarabelle?”

Hello, hello, hello... I wish I could say I was in good spirits but i’m tired, have covid induced chills running down my spine.. and oh yeah there was an armed insurrection i the captial last night that showed just how broken this country was. And while Monster Bash would still be relevant... I couldn’t do it. I admit to being unable to do an episode where the millitant racist nutjob who harms people runs off into the night, and does much worse in later episodes, while the people she harassed are arrested the night after a bunch of millitant, racist, sociopathic, selfish nightmares sieged the captial, killed a woman, raised the fucking maga flag over the buildling and took pictures like they were goddamn heroes.  We got a stark reminder, not a wake up call, not an opening a REMINDER of just how badly broken our country is last night, and it wasn’t till this morning I found out just how BAD it was. The deaths, the flag, the fact josh fucking hawley, MY STAT’ES SENATOR and registered piece of shit, raised  A FUCKING FIST IN SOLIDARITY, which gives me the crippling fear his stupidity and unabashed racisim and support of a cou could mean riots at best and attempted uprisings at worst and who knows what kind of hate crimes against those of color and those in my own queer community. I am afraid, tired, and I am pissed and I feel we could ALL use something wholesome, warm and far removed from the shit going on. And in my hour of need to figure out something like that to put on the schedule.. Kev brought up a wonderfufl idea.  Every month this month till the end of it Kev is going to comission one episode of a show near and dear to both our hearts that has it’s 20th birthday this month. House of Mouse. He was intitally going to request Pete’s One Man Show, which is one of my faviorites, but was ironcially one I already planned to cover next month to celebrate both the show’s anniversary and Pete’s Birthday. But since he was happy to wait till then to comission it, he instead asked for another classic and one with easily my faviorite character on the show: Moritmer Mouse. 

One of the best things House of Mouse did was bring back Mortimer Mouse. Introduced in Mickey’s Rival, Mortimer was an ex of minnies who showed up for one short to be a dick to mickey before running off and leaving Minnie at the mercy of a bull he pissed off. He also weirdly kept electrodes and a car battery in his pants. The short itself is.. not great mostly because Minnie dimissies Mickey rightfully being pissed someone is hitting on his girlfriend in front of him, making jokes at his expense, and generally being a pillock as being jealous... which yeah, yeah he is. Most of the time jealousy and supscison of your partner is ugly, gross and damaging to a relationship.  You should trust them unless you’ve been given good reason not to, and if your paranoidly jealous about every friend she has she could be attracted to.. get some fucking help. Seriously, I need to, not for this for various other problems, but get some therapy to help with your trust issues or if your just being the kind of dick who naturally assumes men and women or men and men or women and women or men and nonibinary persons, or women and nonbinary peeps and so on and so on cannot be friends if they could possibly be togehter romantically... grow up.  I say all of that because those are serious underlying issues and I didn’t want it to seem like for a moment I was supporting them... and because sometimes i’ts OKAY to be jealous, to either just feel a little jealous of someone, or to you know be irate because your girlfriend’s ex is hitting on her in front of you and she’s being entirely receptive to it. 

So yeah i’ts really hard to feel bad for minnie’s bull attack or find the ending sweet after Minnie was you know, what ramona said for an entire short. However my point for this rant, besides giving out about the short again because I clearly didn’t enough in my Mickey Birthday Special, is that Mortimer is still pretty great. He’s a frat bro in the 40′s sense sure, but the idea of a local douche hoping to swoop in and woo minnie away, who has an oddly specific sense of humor and a bizzare, memorable and wonderful walk, seriously the short is worth watching for mortimier’s “I got two car batteris in my pants’ walk, is a good one. While he’d naturally show up in comics and what have you Mortimer just sort of vanished. But clearly someone on the House of Mouse staff, and Mousewerks before it, agreed because Morty was made easily one of the best and most recurring characters in the HOM, and often more prominent than Horace or Gus. While he still tried his old “I’m gonna do your common law wife act” a few times he was mostly there to be an annoying douche when the ep needed one and to be taken down a peg by everyone in the house. And that VERY MUCH includes Mickey. That’s also part of why I love this show bringing him back: It gives Mickey someone besides pete to give out too on a regular basis. He’s still his charming self about it but it’s lovelyt os ee Mickey sarcastically roast someone. And I honestly attribute the main factor of his sucess on the show to VA Maurice LaMarche. While his original VA, Sonny Dawson, was fantastic.. it’s Maurice who very clearly made the character his. While others like Jeff Bennet have taken over since i’ts Maurice who gave him his signature “ha-cha-cha” catchphrase, swagger and signiture voice. And no i’ts not lost on me that one of Maurice’s OTHER best roles is another cartoon mouse.. and I now very badly want him to meet Pinky and the Brain. But yeah, Maurice just oozes the smarm that defines mortimer for me, oozes condescinon and assholery and he, is., glorious. He was a faviorite as a kid, he’s a faviorite now, and Disney needs to use him more.. and also have Maurice voice him for wonderufl world of mickey mouse, though Jeff Bennett is not bad at all I just prefer the master at the role. 

So obviously, after the nightmare of an evening america had yesterday, an episode not only about how wholesome mickey and minnie are but about Mickey teaming up with Mortimer was EXACTLY what i needed. So pitter patter, this is Mickey and the Culture clash. As always for house of mouse i’ll be chonking it up and since this one starts right with the wraparound, and sicnce you know I spent a godo few pagraphs going over mortimer and he’s only IN the wraparound this episode... let’s start there

Mickey and the Culture Clash: Don’t Go Changin, To Try and Please Me So we open the episode and the review proper with Mickey performing a banjo sernade for Minnie, their song in fact. It’s a really sweet scene.. that’s quickly ruined by Clarabelle being an asshole, who says i’ts a bit crude. Minnie counters that while “It’s not mozart”, it’s nice and she clearly likes it and the gesture. Instead of you know leaving it there like a good friend, like she’s SUPPOSED to be to Minnie in most continuities, Clarabelle.. takes the things she said and her having to run out to wrangle pluto out of context, painting it as her thinking he’s not sophisticated and then running out because of it. Oh and she tops it by pointing to a classified add from a MM looking for sophisticated companionship. 

It just paints Clarabelle not as Minnie’s friend or a chatty gossip, but as a heartless bitch who has no trouble implying one of her best friends would cheat on her boyfriend TO HIS FACE, and is fine wrecking a perfectly lovely relationship just to have more to talk about. Seriously she starts gossiping to everybody on top of it just in case you thought Clarabelle was a decent person in any shape this episode. She’s the one thing about this episode that dosen’t work despite being integral to it.. well two but hte other thing is a small, end of episode gag we’ll get to. This.. this is an integral part of the plot. It also relies on Daisy and Donald being absent for the episode for what I can only assume is their annual sex decathalon because otherwise the second she heard about her friend doing this, before reassuring Minnie, Donald would be holdiing her while Daisy beat the absolute shit out of her for hurting thier closest friend and not bothering to take a look into anything when leveling such a rough accusation at Minnie. In a really stellar, really well paced episode, Clarabelle being so heartless stands out. It’s also, might as well get this out of the way, teh final episode not inlcuding the two holiday specials.. and it’s a good note to go out on otherwise, I just can’t ignore the obnoxious cow in the room.. in both senses of the word. 

So yeah Mickey’s trying to be fancy, and Mortimer gets a good dig in about him reading “You having trouble sounding out the words”, but once he hears what’s going on, or rather once he realizes mickey things Mortimer’s personal add is in fact his girlfriend cheating on him, he decides to help Mickey. And to his credit for this con.. Mortimer actually thought things out on how to trick his rival, and his plan here is douchey as hell but incredibly genius: he offers to help mickey and while that’d normally be suspcious he offers a genuine, and very mortimer explination for helping him become a bit more sophisticated to win minnie back: if Minnie finds a handsome, sophisticated guy to date, what chance does MORTIMER have against that? At least with Mickey, in his deluded egocentric view of things anyway, he has a shot at beating him. 

So Mickey classes it up a bit, taking some sopshitcated stances when announcing and trying to woo minnie by talking in ye olde english. When that fails, she just finds it silly but charming, Mickey finds Jose.. hitting on her.

Just.. I expect better from you man. Woo ladies all you like as long as your respectful but I expect better than to hit on someone else’s girlfriend.. which granted he has but given the last time we saw him do that, he nearly got stabbed a bunch and the last time he agressively hit on a woman he got punched in the beak as he should, you’d THINK he’d of learned something. Seriously once again Donald is only missing because this time Daisy would be holding Jose down while Donald hit him. Or possibly they’d take turns. Point is Jose REALLY shoudln’t be doing this and knows better.. marginally. But.. it is in character enough so ti’s not as bad as Clarabelle the homewrecker. 

So Mickey tries being fancy and goes on to do poetry instead of letting O’Malley and the Alley Cats play.. which is a nice running gag the series does as they NEVER get to play.. which while funny is a shame since I love the Aristocats. So then we finally get what Mortimer’s been playing at, he swoops in, claims MICKEY dosen’t need HER, and uses the same personal add to trick her. See, while what Mortimer’s doing is vile.. unlike clarabelle I can repsect it at least. I don’t condone it and i’m glad he gets foiled.. but as a bad guy plan it’s pretty clever and for someone like Mortimer whose usually pretty incompitent.. it’s pretty suprising he could pull this off. It’s still pretty damn low and scummy, no question, but props to being able to outwit and nearly outplay two people who deal with your crap on a regular basis and still convincingly conning both.  Thankfully while he tries to take Minnie out Mickey, in a great visual gag, puts two and two together, and busts out their song, with Mickey and Minnie heartwearmingly reuniting on stage as seen above. Then we get that gag I mentioned not liking: Mickey gets Morty back by planting a false marriage proposal from Moritmer to Clarabelle, again under MM and he gets carried off.. HAHA HE’S BEING FORCED INTO A MARRIAGE HE DOSEN’T. LAUGH. LAUGH AT IT. The gag just really hasn’t aged well, as otherwise it’s clever Mickey used Mortimer’s own trick against both him and the person who caused all of this but really.. Clarabelle gets no real compuance. At worse sshe finds out she was tricked.. but she again you know tried to break up her close friends relationship for shits and giggles. But .. it’s at the very end of the episode and very easy to ignore, so it dosen’t really bother me too bad, and compared to some gags of the type i’ve seen, it could be MUCH worse.  Overall this wraparound is one of the series best and a good one to go out on. it has a simple premise, a brilliant antagonist plot, some great bits from all involved, and even a great Belle and Beast cameo. All in all a really good wraparound only hampered by a sexist and dated ending and Clarabelle being portrayed as ...

She’s the worst, in the world. Okay onto the shorts.

Mickey’s Piano Lesson: That was a Fun One

It really was. It’s a simple premise: Minnie wants MIckey to do a piano recital and he decides “I don’t need practice i’m mickey mouse. “ And it’s REALLY nice to have a short that has, rather than aw shucks mickey, shenanigans mickey. While thanks to the new shorts we’ve had tons, it’s still nice to get one in the House of Mouse era, and it’s just fun to see Mickey take the usual donald roll of letting his overconfidence punch him in the face> It fits both though: Both are everyman and while I lean towards the duck, to no one’s shock, Mickey is just as capable, and his lack of practice comes off less like the angry and hostile way donald would dismiss it and mroe just loveable procastination. And as someone who REALLY struggles with procastination I related to this short, as Mickey does everything else he’d rather do from bathing the dog to skydiving till Minnie, in a great bit informs him everyone from the president, to several dignitaries from other countries, to a televised audience will see. We then get two really great and really beatuifully animated bits as MIckey wrestles with the notes on thep age then fights with his piano as he performs, still pulling it off but destroying the thing and rightfully earning a glare form his girlfriend. Just a fun, slapstick short with a great premise. 

Dance of the Goofys: Scary Children Set to classical music, this one has a bunch of goofys as Fairy’s, who are making the flowers go and the one who sleeps in ends up saving the king from a horrifing looking little brat. He reminds me of Montanna Max a bit.. speaking of which Creer Summer recnetly announced Elmyra won’t be in the reboot. And while this does make me fear actually good characters like Fifi, Montana Max, and more will be cut like the animanics reboot and I do feel for Cree not getting to be involved and hope they find another roll for her as, given her status in the industry she deserves better.. THANK FUCKING GOD. I’ll go into this in another review I have planned for the future but unlike the cuts made to animaniacs this was a REALLY good decision i’m really greatful for. Thank you crew thank you. 

Back on topic, it’s just a fun, really beautifully animated short about the goofies and hteir shenanigans with a really great high concept. 

Maestro Minnie: Brahm’s Lullabye: Simply Irresitable Another simple but clever and lovely to watch one, and one I like quite a bit more. Minnie is conducting some living violins to Brahm’s Lullabye to get a baby Violin to sleep, and we get some really beautiful shots of her as she does so.. only to get comically interuppted by other insteruments turning up the noise. Not much to say on this one as it’s short and simple.. but sometimes short and simple is just what you need and the fun premise nad really beautiful especially for tv animation at the time visuals really sell this one.  ONce again, good stuff. 

Overall: This was a REALLY good note to go out on. While as I said the Clarabelle stuff can eat my entire ass, everything else is really damn good and I highly recommend checking this one out. Next time, in about a month, we’ll be looking at Pete’s spotlight episode for his birfday. While you wait tommorow we have my first look at legend of the three cabs. But for now, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

[88missmarauder88]

Sirius x Reader / Remus x Reader -- Part III

I feel like this part is wicked long, but I’m way too into this now, I can’t stop myself lol 

Tag List: @ideas-nocturnas , @evyiione , @a-hopeless-and-imaginative-girl , @intense-sneezing , @ghostlyrose2 , @peasantview , @la-fille-en-aiguilles , @toasterking , @too-involved , @onthebroadway

"All right, Prongsy; out with it."

"Keep your voice down, you pillock!"

"You've hardly said a word all day. You didn't even attempt to help me set Reg's tie on fire when he popped off about United. And Evans walked past you three times between classes, and you didn't do that daft shit with your hair once."

"As touched as I am by your concern, under the cloak on the way to the kitchens isn't really the best time for a chat, on account of how Filch isn’t deaf."

"Untwist your knickers. I checked the map before we left, he's out in the greenhouses, probably having a kip. So what's going on? Somebody book the pitch for the day you wanted tryouts? Is it because it was sticky toffee instead of treacle for pudding last night? Did you find out Evans is secretly betrothed to Amycus Carrow? Alecto?"

"Fuck's own sake! Would you shut it and tickle the pear already?"

"No amount of sexy talk is going to distract me from this."

James yanked the invisibility cloak off, shoving it into the waistband of his pyjama bottoms and shaking his head in frustration.

"You truly are the most obnoxious knobhead breathing. What any girl at this school sees in you is beyond me."

Sirius struck a regal pose and gestured up and down his body, then dodged as James aimed a foot at his shin.

"Well? You asked. A pretty face, a pile of money, and a seat at the Noble and Most Ancient Table at every banquet and ball from now until death do us part."

He reached out and wiggled a finger over the pear in the fruit bowl portrait, his smirk replaced by a sudden scowl.

"In other words, they don't see a goddamn thing in me. Just the candy coating."

James remained standing in the corridor after Sirius had yanked open the secret door to the kitchens and stalked inside. The past eight hours had been little more than a blur. He vaguely recalled stumbling up to the tower with significant help from Sirius and Peter. He also seemed to remember being deposited in an armchair near the windows after Remus announced that, as the Marauder with the strongest sense of smell, he was hereby granting himself the power of banishment over anyone who posed "a spewing threat". James didn't know how long he'd slept before he was woken by the sound of voices, but he wished like hell he'd stayed asleep.

He hadn't meant to spy on you and Lily. He'd wanted to stand up and announce himself as soon as he sussed out who was talking -- and, particularly, what they were talking about -- but he was afraid the two of you wouldn't believe him if he said he'd just woken. He'd thought about trying to crawl up to his dorm but knew that would look even worse if he was caught. As a last resort, he'd put a pillow over his head, but it was just too quiet in the room; he could still hear every word.

Admittedly, he'd taken the pillow down when you'd started talking about Sirius. Not to purposefully eavesdrop, but because he'd never heard you sound that way before. There was awe in your voice, excitement, and he knew it was subconscious. He knew it was honest. So now, here he was. For all intents and purposes, his "sister" was in love with his best friend. And James didn't know whether he should sit idly by and watch things play out or try to subtly do what he could to make sure everyone came out happy on the other side.

Why did you have to go and fall for Sirius? You weren't shallow or hung up on money and status like the girls Pads was talking about just a moment ago. But then... that was just it, wasn't it? You knew Sirius as well as James did. You knew the Sirius behind the aloof playboy mask he wore for everyone else. The wounded and lost yet still caring and kind boy who'd take the fall for his friends without a second thought, who was the first to step between them and anything that might cause them harm. From that perspective, not only could James see why, he frankly couldn't think of a better thing that could've happened to Sirius. He deserved someone who understood him and would take care of him, and James knew you could be that person.

But Sirius was complicated. Overly, even at the best of times. And James was worried about how he'd react if he knew. First off, there was the small matter of not knowing whether Sirius had similar feelings. He undoubtedly loved you as a friend, and he always seemed to be at ease with you. You were a perfect sparring partner when it came to both his smart mouth and his talent, and he flirted with you regularly... although, that wasn't much of a reliable indicator when it came to Sirius. He flirted with McGonagall and the Grey Lady just as often.

Secondly, Sirius was incredibly unpredictable. His parents had never done a good job of anything, save turning him into the most self-loathing person James knew. He never thought he "deserved" to be happy, settling instead for "entertained from a distance". And he didn't do well with emotions or letting people get too close, always afraid his family would find a way to take anything -- or anyone -- they knew was important to him away. So while part of James was telling him he should probably just stay out of the whole thing, another part insisted it couldn't hurt to feel everyone out. After all, what would become of the five of you if you confessed your feelings to Sirius and he didn't share them? And if Sirius didn't want this -- or couldn't handle it -- it sounded as if Remus might. You and Remus could be good for each other as well, James thought, and if Moony really was in love with you, he deserved the chance to let you know in his own way.

James jumped as Sirius kicked open the kitchen door.

"That's it! I know what's wrong with you, Prongs, my lad."

"Enlighten me."

"You've developed a crippling fear of house-elves. But fret not, I bravely stormed the kitchens with absolutely no help from you."

Sirius dropped onto a nearby bench, setting a sack full of food down beside him.

"What're you doing?" James asked. "We can't sit around here in the open, we need to get back."

"Not until you tell me what's going on. And look," he added, digging in the sack. "If you fess up like a good boy, there's a treacle tart of your very own in it for you!"

James slowly sat down on the bench, trying desperately to think of something, anything, he could use as an excuse for his mood. Then it dawned on him. All the rest aside, there was one portion of the early morning's events that would have had him on cloud nine all day if not for the awkwardness of everything else.

"Owing to the fact I was dumped in the common room like a sack of potatoes this morning, I accidentally overheard Y/N and Evans chatting. Evans told her she found me less 'disgusting and intolerable' these days."

"Ace!" Sirius yelped cheerfully, reaching over to violently ruffle James's mop of black hair. "Have to make sure this is properly mussed for when you ask her out at breakfast!"

"Keep... your bloody... voice down!" James hissed through his teeth, whacking Sirius's hand away from his head.

"Why so gloomy, then? I'd've thought you'd be bouncing off the walls over that."

James snatched the treacle tart out of Sirius's hand and took a large bite.

"Well, she followed it up with the fact that hating me less still means the majority of her hates me."

"Semantics. Y/N called that one; you're growing on her."

"Y/N did call that one. She's usually right about these things, isn't she. Good at reading people, I mean."

"She's got all our numbers, that's for sure." Sirius grinned to himself; James took note and continued to watch his face as Sirius munched absently on a sausage roll.

"Now we just need to get the numbers of these blokes who're always sniffing about. I saw Morgan chatting her up again in the courtyard yesterday."

Sirius shoved the last of the roll into his mouth and folded his arms over his chest, glaring at the floor.

"One would've thought a few Stinging Snowballs -- patent pending, Sirius Black, 1975 -- would've gotten the message across."

"Guess we'll have to start getting even more creative. Y'know, since it'll be worse this year."

Sirius looked up at James. "Worse?"

"Oh, sure. We're fifth years now. Before, we really only had to worry about the blokes in our year. Now, we're all fair game for fourth and up. Four years' worth of hormones stampeding around the castle like a rogue erumpent."

"Sons of bitches..."

James quickly took another bite of tart to stop himself grinning.

"Yeah, we'll have to keep our eyes open now. She's a real corker, and everybody's starting to notice it."

“I know she's a corker," Sirius pouted, crossing and recrossing his ankles anxiously. "Have since we were kids. So I guess Duane bloody Morgan's not all that swift on the uptake for a Ravenclaw, is he? She can't... she wouldn't really... she's not serious about these gits, she just went out with them to be polite. She's got to learn to say no to people is all. People who don't really care about her, I mean. The candy coating people."

This time, James didn't respond. Sirius was staring at the ground again, this time with something like sadness in his eyes, and James reckoned he'd learnt enough for one night. He stood and began unfolding the cloak.

"We'd never let her get hurt. Now, come on. Moony and Worm'll think we got nabbed."

James and Sirius made their way back to Gryffindor Tower, where the Marauders stayed awake for another hour or so, eating and playing Exploding Snap. Sirius didn't say much, and his appetite seemed to have disappeared. Eventually, the lamps were put out, and the room was soon filled with the sounds of deep breathing and occasional snores from Peter's bed. Only Sirius was awake to hear them. His thoughts racing along paths they'd never travelled before, he lay staring up at his canopy until first light came creeping through the space at the top of his curtains.

"Mr Black! If I have to remind you one more time that firewhisky does not, in fact, contain medicinal properties, I'm banning the lot of you."

Sirius reluctantly placed the flask in her waiting hand with a sigh. "I'd just hoped you of all people would be open to advancements in the field, Poppy, that's all."

Madam Pomfrey glared at him before making her way to another bed. "You're a doll for trying," you said to Sirius, propping yourself up on your elbows and watching as Pomfrey set about liberally applying lotion to the boy lying five beds down.

"Strange, don't you think, how Morgan managed to mistake poison ivy for betony leaves when he was trying to make that paste for his dog bite? Professor Sprout doesn't generally keep poison ivy in the greenhouses at all, much less where the betony usually is."

"We mustn't be too hard on her," Remus said, fixing his eyes on something suddenly interesting beyond the window behind your bed. "It could happen to the best of us."

"Strange, too, that he had a dog bite in the first place. I don't know that I've ever seen a dog on school grounds."

"You never know what sort of mad beasties are lurking about in the forest," Sirius said, lazily toying with a string on the hem of his Thin Lizzy shirt. Peter snorted, and James elbowed the boy in the ribs. "Gesundheit," he muttered as Peter doubled over.

You shook your head and dropped back onto your pillows with a smile. Taking a bludger to the head didn't typically fall under the category of a blessing, but in your case, it'd been close. In the fortnight since you'd confided in Lily, you'd tried your best to just put the entire mess out of your mind. But with Lily constantly asking if you'd talked to the boys yet and you working overtime to appear extra nonchalant whenever they were around, it was an impossible task. That fact was punctuated rather violently at tryouts: Your attention split between trying not to get caught staring at Sirius and worrying over what Remus and Lily were talking about in the stands, you'd had none left for the bludger one of the new beater candidates had missed.

You were out cold the rest of that night and all of yesterday. You woke this morning to the boys all chattering at once in their relief, pressing flowers and sweets -- and an immediately confiscated flask of firewhisky -- into your hands as Madam Pomfrey did her best to shoo them away. The ensuing few hours had felt blissfully ordinary. If it took blunt trauma to knock some sense into you, so be it. You glanced up at the sound of Remus and James arguing over the last of your Chocolate Frogs to see Sirius looking down at you with clear concern.

"Promise you're all right?"

"If you think I took it hard, you should see the bludger."

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, but the wrinkle of worry remained between his brows.

"I should've been paying attention. I should've blocked it."

"Sirius, we weren't even in the same drill. I'm the one who wasn't paying attention. But I'm fine. Promise. She said I can go tonight after a few more potions."

You reached over to pat his arm reassuringly. Sirius looked at your hand for a moment before slowly placing his on top of it. You froze. Afraid to look up, you stared instead at his hand, willing your own not to tremble despite the fact every nerve in your body was. Your mouth had gone bone dry, and you licked your lips, trying to think of something to say. James and Remus were no longer bickering, and you could feel their eyes on the two of you. Panicked, you were about to pull your hand back when Sirius's squeezed down around it, moving it from his arm to the edge of your bed. He held it there while he reached into his robes. A moment later, you felt the cool metal of a flask sliding beneath your palm.

Sirius cleared his throat slightly before removing his hand from yours. But he didn't just lift it away; he slid it lightly down and off the edge of the bed, tracing the length of your hand with his fingertips as he went. You looked up. His eyes could have burnt a hole through you. And maybe they were; maybe that would explain the heat spreading like Fiendfyre through your entire body. Better that than acknowledge the fact that you knew you were blushing furiously, that all of them could see it, and that there wasn't a bloody thing you could do about it.

Mercifully, Sirius looked down, and you quickly tried to fill the silence.

"How many of those do you have in there?"

Sirius grinned and opened his robe just enough for you to catch a glint of silver.

"He cast Geminio on it," Peter snickered, and Remus heaved a sigh.

"I'm going to be the first prefect in Hogwarts history to be stripped of his badge within a month, aren't I."

Before anyone could answer, Madam Pomfrey's shrill voice cut through.

"Mr Black!"

"HOW DID YOU EVEN SEE THAT?!"

The matron came marching up the aisle, and Sirius quickly pulled the flask out of his pocket, holding it towards you.

"Cheers!" he said with a smile that thoroughly melted you; a genuine, sweet smile, the sort you remembered from when you were all kids and nothing was complicated. You returned it as you tapped your flask against his, and you both managed to get a couple of healthy swigs down before the flasks went flying out of your hands and into Pomfrey's. As soon as she touched them, two more flasks sprang into being, clattering to the floor.

"Out!!" she ordered, but the Marauders were already halfway to the door. "See you tonight!" James called over his shoulder as they disappeared into the corridor.

"Would it be too much to ask for you to exert a positive influence over your friends?" Madam Pomfrey asked, casting an exasperated look at you as she plunked a creamy purple potion down onto your side table.

"Sorry, Madam Pomfrey, but how terribly dull would that be?"

The corners of her mouth ghosted upwards for a split second before she side-eyed you and returned to Morgan.

"I assume our resident juvenile delinquents weren't leaving willingly," Lily's voice came from the doorway, and you turned as the girl approached your bed, a bag of Chocolate Cauldrons in her hand.

"Bless you," you said dramatically. She handed you the bag with a shrug. "Personally, I don't think these should be sold to anyone who isn't of age, but you've had a traumatic experience. A needless, easily preventable traumatic experience. How are you feeling?"

"Not up to arguing with you over the barbarity of Quidditch."

"Fair dinkum."

"And if you like, in future, you can get me toffees. To be honest, they're my favourites, but nobody knows that because nobody around here ever figures anyone wants anything ordinary. They remind me of my gran, though, and I love them."

"Noted. And that's sweet. Now, let's talk about the boys."

You groaned loudly. "Why don't you just use Crucio? At least it's quicker."

Lily stood and began plumping your pillows, her voice softening.

"I'm not trying to torture you. But don't think I don't know why you got hurt. You're not the seeker because of your awful reflexes. You've been miserable, and you're not going to be un-miserable until something changes. And I think you should know that neither Sirius nor Remus left your side the entire time. When Remus wasn't sitting here reading you Oscar Wilde, Sirius was trying to play you Led Zeppelin songs on his harmonica until Madam Pomfrey made him stop it."

You chuckled at the thought, but amusement was quickly replaced by the turmoil you were becoming so accustomed to when you thought of Remus reading one of your favourite authors. The tightness in your chest flooded back, the constant worry tying your stomach into knots.

"See?" Lily asked. "You can't even be happy for two seconds. So what went on after you woke up?"

You took a deep breath.

"Well... everything was basically normal for the most part, aside from the fact Morgan's over there because Sirius bit him in dog form and then they replaced one of the betony plants with poison ivy so he'd accidentally make a remedy out of it. They all think I don't know they're Animagi now so they can keep Remus company during his transformations, and that's because Remus told them not to involve me because he was too afraid that I'd get hurt, but I was incredibly offended by that, as you can imagine, so I did it over the summer. Became an Animagus, I mean. I really lucked out with the sky being clear the same night I finished with the leaf and it being really stormy for days after that. But they don't know that I've done it. Yet."

You paused for fear that if Lily's jaw dropped any further, it'd dislocate. "I was obviously going to tell you, Lily, there just hadn't been a good time yet."

"Yeah, and now was great," Lily sputtered. "I don't suppose the four of you are registered? Of course you're not, it's the four of you. And Remus is a prefect... I'm a prefect!" she shrieked, as if just remembering the fact. "How can you be sure it'll even work? Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? Do you care at all what will happen to all of you if you're caught?"

Lily buried her face in her hands, breathing heavily, and you remained quiet, allowing her to process. After a few moments, you reached out and squeezed her shoulder. Lily had been your walking, talking conscience for four years now, for all the good it did her, and while she usually managed to overcome her shock fairly quickly, you worried you might have finally found her breaking point. Finally, she exhaled loudly and gave you a weary look.

"What's Potter?"

You grinned. "A stag."

She contemplated a moment before raising her eyebrows and nodding in apparent approval.

"All right. We'll come back to that another time. So what happened that wasn't ‘basically normal’? As if any of that was normal..."

You chewed your bottom lip a moment before continuing. "Sirius had my hand because he was slipping a flask into it -- don't give me that look -- and when he took his hand away, he did it... really... tenderly? And then he was staring at me, and I know I was blushing. They all had to have seen. Remus had to have seen. Then, right before Madam Pomfrey chased them out, he smiled at me, and he looked so happy, Lily. Actually happy... and I can't let myself believe that it had anything to do with me, but Merlin, I wish it had something to do with me."

Lily hopped up onto the edge of your bed and pulled you into a hug. "Only your love story would be heavily sprinkled with illegal activity and alcohol. So you know you and Sirius have to talk, right? Because if it does have something to do with you, then you two need to figure yourselves out for your sakes and for Remus's."

"How am I supposed to do this, Lily? I know them both so well, they both know me so well... somebody is going to get hurt before this is over. How do you come back from that?"

Lily's eyes were suddenly faraway and sad, and her shoulders slumped. "I don't know how you come back from that," she whispered.

"Lily? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she murmured, straightening. "It's just a good question. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a good answer, though, so you have to just remember that people get over being temporarily hurt, but regret over things you should've done and didn't -- that doesn't go away. And love is worth taking all the risks in the world for. Now. Drink your potions, eat your Cauldrons, and I'll see you back in the room tonight."

"Think Y/N's out yet?" Peter asked.

"What does no one understand about not talking in the bloody corridors?!" James seethed. "This is a Cloak of In-vis-i-bil-i-ty. Not a Cloak of Soundproof...ness. When you talk, people CAN HEAR YOU!"

"Shhhh! Honestly, Prongs, would you stop that yelling? People could hear you."

"Fuck off, Padfoot. Dissendium."

The hump on the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor sprung open, and, one by one, the Marauders hopped inside, sliding down into the tunnel below. The amount of stooping it took to navigate the space now that they were taller limited conversation to the occasional "Hurry up" and "That was my heel, you clod", and once they'd reached Honeydukes' cellar, they collapsed onto boxes to rest a bit before collecting sweets for what they'd elected to dub your "Welcome Back to Consciousness" party.

"I still can't believe she got clobbered like that," James said. "She's quick as a cat, that one."

"She wasn't looking," Peter said, digging around in an adjacent box of humbugs. "She was staring off at something when the bludger came back at her."

James rubbed the back of his neck. That explained it, then. He'd seen you staring at Sirius more than once during the drills.

"I thought I was going to be sick when she didn't wake up right away," he said. "I know she can take care of herself and all, but seeing her lying there in that bed just made me feel sort of..."

"Useless," said Remus.

"Helpless," Sirius said at the same time.

Remus was bouncing his leg up and down in agitation. Moony hadn't been this antsy in ages, and James was becoming increasingly distressed about knowing the reason why. He still believed Remus deserved a chance to talk to you about his feelings, but he'd also seen the way you and Sirius had looked at each other that afternoon in the hospital wing. You would never hurt Remus intentionally, but what if it was inevitable at this point?

"I need to say something," Remus remarked suddenly, and James tensed. He hadn't expected this.

"Say it later, yeah?" he suggested, abruptly standing. "We should get the sweets and get back."

"No, Prongs, I need to say it now. I need... advice, I guess? I don't know exactly... I feel like sort of an idiot, but--"

"Did you guys hear that?" James tried desperately. "I think there might be somebody upstairs, we really should get--"

"I think I'm in love with Y/N," Remus blurted.

Silence came down like a lead weight, and James quickly shot a glance at Sirius. He looked stricken, and James's heart sank. He'd still been in the process of trying to gauge Sirius's feelings, but everything that had happened in hospital the last two days combined with the panic in his eyes right now spoke volumes. James couldn't let his best mate suffer. Not when he knew the truth.

"I don't really know if I am or not, though... maybe I'm just being stupid, maybe it's hormones... fuck, why did I even say that, please forget I said that, I'm probably just imagining it, it's definitely not worth ruining a friendship over," Remus was stammering, clearly mortified.

"Moony... yeah, to be totally honest with you, mate, I really don't think--" James began, but Sirius cut him off.

"Nah, Moony, you can't think like that," he said, his voice quiet and unreadable. "If you think you love her, you should tell her. It's worth it. She's worth it."

James watched, stunned, as Sirius stared at the floor for a moment before standing and giving Remus's shoulder a pat. Without another word, he walked over to a shelf at the back of the cellar and grabbed a large bag of toffees before dropping back into the tunnel.