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antigonick · 4 years ago

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hi! sorry if this is super weird or annoying, but i wanted to ask you smth. im an english lit major (not an anglophone tho), im a bit more than halfway through with college but i know im falling behind. but that's not the question is it! haha. well, my woes aside, this past semester i got some feedback on two (very rushed :() final papers and both times i didnt get a bad grade but i was told that my essays were descriptive, rather than analytic or critical. how do you think i can improve this?++

++ im scared of just being stupid lol :( i honestly got super bummed out by the feedback, although i was expecting those exact comments :/ i struggle to give my papers that critical twist (which is kinda the entire point), and i guess my question is how can i incorporate more critical sources and theory into my papers and not spend pages upon pages describing things? i can never even get a good thesis statement, i realize now i am totally venting over here and im sorry i just dony know what to do or how to improve and i feel like im running out of time and i know i SHOULD know these things by now :( i come to you with this sad story made even sadder by my pms (rip) because i love your analysis on texts and i think you are so smart and eloquent and precise!!! again, i hope that wasn't super annoying or overwhelming and i'm sorry if it was! Anyway, I hope you're doing amazing, I love your blog and your mind!! Thank you so much :)

Alright! So first of all, don’t be scared of being stupid��you’re not and it’d be crippling to think so, because that mindset gets you running around in circles. You know your situation is completely normal, right? In analysis, there’s one shitty little fucker of a porch-step where every student will stumble, and it’s exactly this: climbing from the merely descriptive to the involved critical.

At one point it clicks into place and you feel the difference in your brain.

You say you never have a good thesis statement, and I think that might be where your thinking process jams a little. Of course you’d remain descriptive if you don’t have a pointed question at the moment of writing.

It’s not about either/or between critical and descriptive. The way I see it, description is fundamental: it comes back several times during your analytical process. It’s the basis of it. First you look at the text, or a phenomenon, or what have you, and you become aware of its cogs—this is exploration, description. By becoming aware of said cogs, you excavate how they work together—mechanics, motifs, recurring techniques. This is where descriptive meets criticism. Why are these effects/devices/topics here? What do they offer? How do they make me feel, and what are my bias, so why am I feeling that way specifically? Is it the same for everybody? What could they hint at? How are they working now, and do they evolve later? What genre, or theme, or overarching idea do they develop?

You’re not merely looking at them anymore, you’re questioning them. You’re building your own interpretation of them. And careful—it’s not an opinion. You’re not reviewing it. It’s a study, an examination, subjective because it’s yours and you’re the subject who is critically thinking, but rooted in the reality of the text, in the intellectual or emotional pathways it opens.

When you’ve pinpointed the main ideas and dynamics you want to explore, that’s when you get your thesis statement/thesis question. I can’t stress this enough, you need one before you launch into writing. It’s what will make you go further than just describing, and it’s what will orient your argument. And remember, it doesn’t have to be (no: it won’t be) exhaustive. It’s much better to focus on something tiny and contained at first, actually. Pick a lane and stick to it.

Random example, but the only thing I’m reading with happiness these days is Fallen Hero: Retribution, so let’s use this. There’s a lot in there, and a lot of insights going in a lot of directions, notwithstanding the analysis you could make of the style itself. Out of the thousand questions you could ask about it, let’s focus on one: “How does this work modelise gender?”

With this question, you can explore a lot of aspects: stylistics—how words depict gender, how pronouns are used, how bodies are described; societal—how the characters interact with the idea of gender, how gender and gender image are dealt with in the world the text inhabits, and in the story itself; narratology—how does gender impact the story, is it an agent of it?; and much more. But these are descriptors. These are the signs and symbols and tools you’ve already garnered, consciously and unconsciously, when you read and analysed your text.

Here comes the little fucker of a porch-step. You have all of these descriptors, these facts. You know how to describe them well and most likely interpret them at surface level. But they’re means to an end, not an end in themselves. They’re just your tools. Now that you know they’re there, you have to use them to go further and explain what they’re doing. With our example, that means explaining not only how gender works in the story, but why. What might it mean for the author and their own world-view? What might it mean for the reader and what impacts can we expect? What might it mean for the characters and what effects does it lead to? Why is it important? Why is it groundbreaking? How does it differ from other works like this, where does it go further than most? Are there blindspots, pitfalls? What do those mean too?

Of course description makes a comeback in your arguments, in your examples: it’s not left behind. The analytical process is not a pyramid or a hierarchised structure, it’s a circle/cycle. You use description to reach criticism and you use criticism to explain description and you use description to justify criticism.

I think that’s it? I hope this helps and I hope this makes sense. Good luck!!

PS: I find that reading critical works helps a lot, just because you get the hang of it through seeing analysis in practice rather than just hearing about methodology. Obviously, before you write an essay about a text, read a few critical works about the text itself! More about this here.

#on studying #on reading #whisperers #maybe just maybe—my hyperfixation is showing

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skywingknights · 3 years ago

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Slow Dancin’ by Rena Redhead (For RobStar Week 2021)

For @robxstar 's RobStar Week 2021. This one is based on Day 6's prompt "Formal Night". Previously did “Ikebana” for Day 1 and “Pretty” for Day 3, both posted on my tumblr page, along with a blog on my website (www.skywingknights.com) for “Ikebana” detailing thoughts on the writing process for that one. (Hope to have one for “Pretty” and “Slow Dancin’” each as well very soon, but the priority is to get these out first!).

Overall, I have to say RobStar week has been a wonderful get away from the woes and stresses of life. Yeah for romance, fluff, drama, and true love! <3 <3 <3

Oddly though, for some reason I’m really nervous about this one... But it’s time to throw nerves aside and to finally take a leap of faith, trusting the meanings will come through and that expressions of love with surpass any barrier, even that of language. Below is the first part of the story. Read the full story at the link following this first part. Hope you like it!

Later,

~Rena

PS. For some mood music, I suggest “Slow Dancin’“ by Yuya Matsushita, the inspiration for this little fan fic. ;)

-NxS-

Slow Dancin’

The taxi came to a stop. Jason had told her it was probably best not to fly in, since technically this wasn't a solely superhero event. Actually, that's not what he said. It was more along the lines of "Bruce would let me get killed again if you flew in" or something snarky like that. Kory had only grinned awkwardly. She really wasn't all that comfortable with this set up. She felt rather… out of place.

But Jason had begged, "Come on Kory, if I go with no one, I'm going to have to deal with all the mockery from those losers the whole night."

Said losers were the other young members of the Wayne household, Kory could infer, though she didn't really think those were necessarily accurate descriptions based off of her own interactions with them. Though to be fair, they were his adopted brothers. And there was really no telling what kind of antics took place behind any family's closed doors. But at the mention of… well, at their mention, at the possibility, Kory had felt her stomach tighten.

"Your brothers are going?"

Jason's tongue almost retracted down his throat unnaturally at what he deemed a deep insult. Almost, but not quite, "Well, Damian will be. Tim probably. Dick won't be."

The lump in her throat subsided slightly and after a pause, she finally relented, "Okay."

The cab driver opened the door and she stepped out. Yes, this feeling was… most certainly one of being out of place. Again. Everyone else was arriving in limos. Or Hummer SUVs. And everyone else looked… normal. She was on the other hand "a golden skinned beauty"… That's how Roy put it. But really, she was an alien and people gawked from the corners of their eyes as they quickly turned away from her, though that wasn't really why she felt so…

She couldn't finish her train of thought. She didn't really want to.

She looked around for her escort who came up the road on his motorcycle with it screeching to a halt, kicking up gravel and dirt. Many of the guests gasped and coughed, thinking that he was going to crash into them. But Kory didn't move. Jason wasn't that stupid.

"Hey babe, thanks for coming."

Okay, maybe he was at least a little stupid. Kory smiled tightly at the name. She still wasn't sure how she felt when people called her that. As she had "matured", she had found many people began saying that she was beautiful, whether to her face or behind her back. But beauty wasn't everything and right now, she much rather just wanted to kind of fade into the background. That's all.

"It is no problem," She told her friend.

Jason jumped off the bike, put it into park in the middle of the road and extended an arm for her to take. She sighed and took it while valets glared at Jason angrily. If he wasn't Wayne's son… the fact he was making trouble for them in forcing them to deal with his obnoxious bike would have landed him on their unfriendlies list which would have gotten him barred from the gala.

The two however walked into the main hallway of Wayne Manor without any problem. It was lit up so brightly that even the sun's brilliance seemed challenged. Fountains of drinks, chocolate truffles, waiters carrying hors d'oeuvres around for the guests, the decorations of silk and glamourous diamonds wrapped around the banisters and hanging from chandeliers, all at least over a century old… Kory had almost forgotten what a party at Wayne Manor was like, but this brought it all… all of the memories back.

-NxS-

Read the full story here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13921820/1/Slow-Dancin

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ransomedrogue · 4 years ago

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Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1

...there are no words to properly describe the awesomeness of this episode! so good every time. in honour of her first appearance, special Allie POV! Basically it’s just three conversations this week (to make them talk and think about what happened :D )

PS you have to squint a little to fit these scenes all into the timeline of the ep but that’s the joy of fic.

1.9

There was really no reason for her to be in the locker room, other than extreme curiosity. But Allie figured the gorgeous new FBI consultant wouldn't pick up on that. And even if this 'Jane Doe' did, it wouldn't matter much anyways - Allie wasn't exactly shy. She'd probably end up just telling the truth, which would only make the situation more disconcerting for the other woman.

She wasn't exactly sure what she even wanted from an encounter with the tattooed woman; just a chance to check her out really. The stunned look on Kurt's face when Jane had appeared in that dress had made her both slightly jealous and highly curious. In her entire relationship with Kurt Weller he'd never looked at her, or anyone else, like that. So when she'd seen the object of Weller's attention enter the locker room immediately after they returned from their mission, Allie had slipped in too.

It turned out to be a solid tactic when she heard Jane struggling in the stall, obviously somehow stuck in her dress. Considering the stories she'd heard that day from the rest of Kurt's team about the woman’s exploits thus far, it seemed completely implausible that she'd been foiled by her outfit. But Allie definitely heard muffled cursing coming from the stall, along with a grunt of irritation.

"You need some help in there?" she called out.

There was a fairly long pause before Jane sighed.

"Um, yeah," she replied sheepishly, opening the door.

Allie stepped up to take a look at the situation, which ended up being a classic case of a jammed zipper. With a little wiggling, she freed the zipper pull from the fabric it was stuck on and then unzipped the dress the rest of the way, revealing all the tattoos that weren't covered up.

Unsurprisingly, Jane was wearing the most basic of underwear, despite the dress she'd been wearing. Allie eyed her inked skin and her fit body with interest, her mind wandering in a few different directions as Jane shyly got dressed in her regular clothes. She wondered how many of the tattoos Kurt had seen. Somehow she was sure he would eventually see them all, up close and personal. A small part of her wanted to see the rest of them too.

"So what happened out there?" Allie asked, interrupting her own thoughts and breaking the silence.

"Uh. All things considered, it turned out pretty well," Jane replied. "We were lucky Reade and Zapata showed up when they did though. I was out of ammo and there were a lot of guys."

It was an incredibly bland answer, one that didn't mention Weller directly at all. But also a perfectly normal and acceptable response to what had been asked. Clearly she needed to dig a lot deeper to find out what she wanted to know.

"And how did it go with Kurt? Being married and all that?"

Allie didn't fully know why she was putting Jane on the spot like that, except that there was a need on her part to take back some of the power she'd obviously lost. She'd liked a lot of things about Kurt Weller and he'd once liked a lot of things about her too. It was only natural she'd wondered that day if she still held any sway over him.

And that question had been answered as soon as Jane showed up in the dress that was lying in heap in front of them now. Which had immediately been intriguing, even though Allie didn't particularly like losing at anything. Especially when she'd been pitching real hard for Kurt's attention.

Who was this woman that could make him stare like that?

That's what Allie was going find out.

Jane was still standing there in front of her, cornered in the stall and looking uncomfortable with the shift in conversation. But being a US Marshal made Allie used to long silences in interrogations and so she left the question just hanging between them, waiting for a response.

Finally, Jane looked at her and offered an awkward shrug.

"Um. He was very… attentive."

Allie smirked, knowing how Weller could be. He was old school, very 'protect my woman' even though he tended to choose deadly women.

Good answer, she thought. Point for Jane.

"I'm sure he was. Kurt can be pretty possessive."

"Was he?" Jane asked, timidly. "When you… uh…"

"When we dated?" Allie replied. "Actually, not usually. Just after a few drinks and some guy gets handsy at the bar, you know."

Jane made a face like maybe she didn't know at all and was trying to wrap her head around the comment. Allie was thinking she kind of liked the deadly yet innocent consultant, a lot more than she thought she would.

"But I bet he was with you. Especially out there, all alone, without any backup," Allie said.

"I bet he was all over you."

Jane made a face that confirmed exactly what had just been said and Allie grinned, feeling like she'd accomplished her mission. She'd gotten a sense of the situation between her ex and his new interest, which pretty much told her what she'd originally thought.

"Anyways, I'll let you get dressed," Allie said, finally turning to leave the stall.

Jane stammered some sort of thanks for freeing her from her dress but Allie was already on her way out of the locker room, with a new mission in mind.

It was time to find Kurt and put him to a little test; one she already knew he was going to fail.

###

"But aside from that you won't find a better man."

The US Marshal's words were still repeating in her ears even after Jane had returned the ring and Weller had gone off to put the props away. She had walked away from the one-sided conversation with Kurt's ex with her brow furrowed; puzzled about Allie's behaviour and a little startled at the implication of her words. Weller wasn't actually hers at all, despite how natural it had felt being ‘married’ to him for the day. Though she did feel his walls breaking down a little - he was talking to her more since she'd asked if they were friends.

Her relationship with him had already been a whirlwind and nothing had really even happened yet. She liked to think they'd settled into a good place after their stint of boundary setting; somewhere with a safe amount of distance for both of them. But of course she still thought about it, what it would be like to be with Weller. To be able to touch him the way they'd slid in and out of each other's hands that day.

They had fit so well together, both professionally and... physically. And then there'd been the way he behaved – so angry and jealous, with a heat that made it seem like more than an act. Which had startled her at first; but when he'd called her his wife in that fierce tone, a warm ripple had passed through her body.

That was all over now though. She'd returned the ring and dress, and was back in her regular clothes, feeling so much more comfortable with herself. Though she hadn't exactly minded the way Weller had looked at her; especially since it had all happened in front of his ex.

Which brought her back to her confusion about Allie. When the Marshal had hugged Weller so familiarly that day it had elicited feelings from Jane that she'd never experienced before. The idea of Weller having a girlfriend had previously just been a vague concept, not something she'd ever paused on for long. But now she had all sorts of thoughts and questions and feelings about Kurt and his past and future romantic relationships.

Especially now that Allie had just implied that Weller was somehow Jane's, even though nothing had actually changed in their relationship. No matter how he had acted while they were 'married', it was all part of his job. He was the lead agent on her case, as well as her boss. Sure, she had a lot of complicated feelings about him but all that was really between them was an ancient connection, a lot of unresolved guilt and a neediness on her part. She knew he cared about her. But that was due to his past, and because it was his job. In their current existence, they were just settling into being friends. He was actually coming over for the housewarming party that night, which was nice, especially after the day that they'd had together.

That was just an act, Jane reminded herself sternly as she approached the elevator.

Jane stirred herself out of her thoughts as she pressed the down button and waited. She wanted to get back to the safe house before everyone came over, though she wasn't exactly versed on what she was meant to do as the host of a housewarming party. Especially since the idea had been foisted on her by drunk Zapata and Patterson, who wanted to both see the place she escaped from and make Weller come out with the team. Jane had still been a bit surprised that Kurt had enthusiastically approved of the plan, despite how sure both the other agents had been about it. Which had resulted in a lot of smirking and pointed eyes looks in her direction when he immediately took the idea and ran with it.

So maybe it hadn't all been an act.

Jane was blushing a bit just thinking about it when Kurt approached again and let his gaze fall over her. He was standing awfully close too; so close she could feel the heat coming off his body. She was trying to not think about dancing with him earlier, but it was nearly impossible to keep the memory out of her mind. It didn't matter that he wasn't in the tux anymore, just the scent of him was enough to evoke the feeling of his hands on her body.

"Do you want a ride home?" Weller asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Jane prayed her cheeks weren't as red as they felt, and she tried her hardest to put those thoughts away. Any other day she could tell Weller that her detail would drive her but he was coming over for the housewarming so there wasn't any good reason not to ride with him. Especially because he was cutting out before the rest of the team was done for the day; an extreme rarity. And her body kept inching towards his, as if pulled by a gravitational force.

"Uh, sure," she stammered, without any of the confidence she'd felt while playing his wife.

Weller grinned at her response and ushered her into the just-arrived elevator car, then pressed the door close button as soon as they got in. Jane tried her best not to stand too near but now it was Kurt who kept closing the space between them, until her shoulder was touching his.

It was strange, but as soon as his body made contact with hers, Jane felt calmer. Especially when he gave her a little nudge, as if to say 'relax.'

They didn't talk on the way down to the vehicle, but the silence was anything but awkward. There were a lot of furtive glances and semi-smiles, some conversing with their eyes. Jane could tell that Weller was also thinking about the day they'd had and she liked the expression it brought to his usually serious face.

She thought back to earlier again. How possessive he'd been. He'd implied it was part of the act. But it hadn't felt that way. Maybe because, even now, he hadn't quite stopped behaving that way.

Once they were driving, Jane wondered if they were going to talk about the day, or pretend it had all never happened. Fairly quickly she got her answer, as Weller turned to her with an unreadable expression.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable out there today," he said. "Things got pretty… close there for a moment."

Jane frowned, biting down hard on her lip, wondering if he meant the shootout they'd been about to lose or how physically entangled their bodies had been. Because that part had certainly not been the problem. Being so close, having his hands all over her; it had felt more than a little comfortable.

"I think I might have come off like a possessive asshole."

Jane snapped her head up to look at him in surprise. He sounded a little anxious, like he wasn't sure how to navigate the situation. Which was rather adorable considering how forceful he'd been in the moment.

"You were acting pretty jealous," Jane commented, matter-of-factly.

"Well, he shouldn't have been touching you like that!" Weller retorted.

Jane grinned, and flashed him a wink. He still sounded pissed off just thinking about it. Which, she had to admit, was kind of cute.

Weller caught on that she was just playing with him and most of his anger dissipated; though his next words were still a bit huffy.

"Even if you're not my wife, I'm not going to let some creep do that to you."

The way he looked at her as he said it made Jane feel warm on the inside, but a little confused as well. She could obviously take care of herself. It certainly wasn't on Kurt to defend her honour. And yet, she liked that he wanted to.

"Weller. Calm down," Jane sighed. "It's over."

Kurt exhaled and looked back at the road for a bit as he took her advice and refocused his energy. She wondered at his anger, so long after the fact. Sure, the guard had taken full advantage of the situation in an unseemly manner, but Weller's emotions about it hadn't died off, even now.

Finally, as they were nearing the safe house, Kurt turned to her with a bit of a sheepish look.

"I'm really glad we still get to do this. For a minute there I was worried about what I'd gotten you into."

Jane wondered about his admitting that. He'd seemed confident the entire time. Though she'd started to be fairly concerned when she ran out of ammo and more attackers kept appearing.

"We would have figured something out," she said, brushing the near-miss out of her mind.

That won her a full grin from Kurt.

"Yeah," he said. "We made a good team didn't we."

There was another heady pause between them as Weller pulled the SUV up in front of the safe house and parked. But then, before they had a chance to get out, he turned to her and blurted out a question.

"What did Allie say to you?"

Jane felt a flutter in her stomach and panic in her chest. She didn't want to actually tell Kurt what the Marshal had said. So there had to be some way around it, without using exact words.

"Um. I think she thinks there's uh… something going on between us? Or that there should be."

It was the best she could do to sum up her strange contact with Weller's ex. But when Kurt didn't reply for a long time and just sat there with a pensive look on his face, Jane figured she must have said something wrong. Looking at him nervously, she waited to hear that him proclaim that she was making things up or massively misreading the situation.

But when Weller finally replied, he also sounded a bit confused.

"Yeah," he nodded. "That's the vibe I got too."

"Sorry about that, I don't know what's up with her. It's been awhile."

Jane felt all her anxiety wash away immediately and she bit back a smile. She'd rather liked the Marshal, despite her initial reaction at discovering the pretty agent was Kurt's ex. And she definitely liked that Allie thought Weller was over their relationship and had moved on to a new interest.

Shrugging, Jane flashed Kurt a sly grin.

"I guess we were too good at the act," she commented.

They were, and she knew it.

"That Rich Dotcom guy sure bought it."

Weller groaned and rolled his eyes at the mention of the ridiculous dark web kingpin they'd just apprehended.

"Hopefully we never have to see that guy again," he muttered.

"I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from shooting him."

###

Weller walked Jane into the safe house with a nerves tingling up and down his spine. The last time he'd been in there with her he'd ended up running off before he did something inappropriate. And now he knew what it felt like to hold her close and run his hands along her curves.

At the moment he had his arm lightly draped behind her back, hovering as if waiting to catch her from some unseen danger. Then, when he opened the door and she stepped in, his hand glanced against her hip for a brief second and it took everything in him to pull it away before his palm slid up to her waist the way it had earlier that day.

Quickly Kurt flushed the memory from his mind and reminded himself that he had to stay professional. Despite what Allie had implied, there wasn't anything going on between him and Jane and he meant to keep it that way. If he acted on his feelings towards her any more than he already had, he would probably be forced to withdraw from her case. Which was a consequence he wasn't willing to risk, no matter how attracted he was to her.

Shaking himself back into the present, Weller put the beers he'd brought into the suspiciously empty fridge and the snacks on the counter. When he was done putting things away, he noticed that Jane was standing in the kitchen looking a little lost so he opened two beers and handed her one.

"Cheers," he said, with a grin.

"To another successful mission."

They clinked bottles and Jane took a few sips before she offered him the same helpless look she'd been wearing since they came in.

"I'm sorry. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do," she stammered.

Weller's grin grew as he took in her nervousness. She hadn't been nearly this anxious when stranded with him alone in the field, pretending to be married and facing a small army on their own. Or when he'd made her dance with him at the party, knowing that he might never get another golden opportunity like that.

"Relax," he replied. "How about you show me around?"

It was a bit pointless since it was just another standard FBI safe house and Weller had certainly seen enough of those in his career. But Jane gave him a thankful smile at his suggestion and toured him through the place, all of it as non-descript as he imagined until they returned to the living room and he noticed the sketches on the wall.

"Did you do these?" he asked, staring at the incredible detail in the art.

Jane nodded as she stepped up next to him, suddenly looking shy again.

"They're amazing," he added.

"Is there anything you can't do?"

Jane blushed.

"Uh. I don't know how to host a housewarming party?"

Weller laughed.

"Jane, stop worrying. The rest of the team will be here soon and then we'll order pizza. All you have to do is relax and have a good time."

She sighed and gave him a sheepish look.

"Sorry. Sometimes I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing."

Kurt laughed again.

Could she be any more adorable? Deadly and capable as hell but still lacking confidence in many ways.

"You did fine at the party today," he said.

"Why don't we just sit down and wait for everyone else?"

Jane still looked unsure so Weller took the lead and sat down on the couch, then gave her an expectant look. Which finally drew a grin from her as she rolled her eyes and joined him on the sofa.

It was a little weird sitting there with her, but not really. He could still feel it, that rightness between them. It had been like that all day, the way his arm fit perfectly around her.

Weller's mind drifted right back to dancing with her, rueing the fact that there wasn't likely to be another mission that involved that sort of interaction. Then his brain flashed to Jane asking if he'd ever been married and her confession about having been engaged at some point.

It made him irrationally upset thinking that she possibly had a fiancé, and not for the poor fiancé who'd lost his gorgeous future wife. Obviously Kurt knew what it meant, that he wanted her to be his. But she wasn't and she couldn't be - it would only make him more goddamned not 'objective' like everyone already said.

Weller growled at himself, trying to put all of it out of mind. They were friends, and it had to stay like that for the sake of the investigation.

"Can I ask you something?"

Kurt was knocked out of his internal battle by Jane's timid question, and he immediately focused in on her again.

"Of course," he replied.

It took her a moment to continue and he loved watching the emotions dance across her features as she thought about her next words.

"What happened between you and Allie?" Jane finally asked.

"She seemed pretty happy to see you again."

That was twice she'd asked about his relationship with Allie, which definitely gave his ego a little boost. He liked that Jane cared enough to question him about it, even if he didn't really want to discuss his failed love life with her.

"Uh, yeah," he mumbled, trying his best to play things cool.

"I guess she forgot we weren't a very good fit."

That much was true. He'd been surprised that Allie had propositioned him again, despite all their issues the first time around. She'd been pretty clear that he hadn't been able to meet her needs, and he didn't think her memory was that short.

Jane gave him a look that implied she didn't believe him and Weller sighed. How was he supposed to characterize a relationship that ended because he was emotionally unavailable?

"There was a lot of drinking and not a lot of talking," he explained.

"We had a lot of fun but she wanted more from me."

"What did you want?" Jane asked.

She sounded so innocent and earnest, yet he couldn't help but feel awkward talking to Jane about Allie. It was making him overthink things to the extreme, go down a mental path he was trying to avoid.

"To be honest, I didn't know what I wanted," he finally replied. "And I was never good at opening up."

"Yeah," Jane said. "I can tell."

Weller frowned with amusement at her tone, and gave her a little nudge on the shoulder.

"You keep your cards pretty close to your chest too," he grumbled.

"You remembered being engaged? When did that happen?"

"Not until you put the ring on my hand," she said, seeming to blush a bit, though he couldn't quite tell in the dim light.

"Were there any clues about who he might be?" Weller asked, recognizing that he was prying and unable to stop himself from doing so. At least he could pretend it was due to the case.

"No, but I did remember later that I gave the ring back," Jane said, a little sadly. "And I think I've dreamt about him before."

The fact that she'd given the ring back shouldn't have made him so pleased but it still did. The thought of a fiancé out there swooping in to claim Jane as his own turned his stomach, and the chances of that happening were a lot slimmer if they were no longer engaged.

Weller's internal voice tried to warn him that his emotions about her were too present after the day they'd had, and that talking about relationships with Jane, especially right then, was risky business. Yet, the next words came out anyway, before his rational mind could shut his mouth.

"Have you thought about it?" he asked. "Dating?"

Maybe he just felt the need to prepare himself for the eventuality. She deserved a life outside of the case and was certain to attract interest if she started going out more often. Or maybe he was trying to trap her into some reassurance that she also understood they were meant to be together. The thing was, even Kurt wasn't exactly sure why he was pushing the conversation in that direction.

Jane looked anxious as hell about his question, which had not been his intent at all. Yet obviously he'd put her on the spot, in an extremely awkward way.

Nice one, Weller, he groaned to himself, wondering if he could retract his words somehow. But before he could backtrack, Jane actually answered.

"Um a little bit? It would all be pretty hard to explain though."

That much was obvious, though he imagined that Jane's mysterious past would just make her more intriguing to most men. It was cute to see her so shy though; so unsure when she was generally so self-confident.

"Even just the tattoos," she continued. "Not to mention the memory thing."

The tattoos were such an integral part of her that he no longer registered them as out of the ordinary. In fact, it was strange to see her without the bird on her neck at the moment, because she hadn't yet wiped off the makeup they'd used to cover it for the mission. So it was hard to remember that the tattoos weren't ordinary at all and would prompt a lot of judgment, especially since she couldn't explain any of it, due to everything being classified.

"Your tattoos are gorgeous," he stated firmly. "They're a part of you. You shouldn't have to explain them to anyone."

"It was the only thing missing from that outfit today."

He hadn't exactly meant to let that last bit slip; would have blamed it on the beer except he'd only had half a bottle. But it didn't make the statement any less true. The thought of Jane wearing that dress while in her regular inked skin was almost too much to bear.

"Kurt, that was so not me," Jane groaned, shaking her head at him.

"Yeah well, a tux isn't me either," he replied. "But it's still nice to look good in one."

It was true after all. It had felt nice, getting the appreciative comments from Allie. Though Weller was glad he'd stopped himself from blurting out his thoughts when Jane had first appeared in that dress. Now though, he couldn't seem to help elaborating on his more muted comment at the time.

Jane blushed, which only stirred his out-of-whack emotions even further.

"Sorry," he apologized, realizing he'd crossed a line again.

"I shouldn't go there."

"No, you're right," Jane replied with a shy smile.

"It is nice to hear. I don't usually feel very pretty."

Of all the words she could have spoken, those ones completely knocked his socks off. Her lack of self-recognition was bewildering- it seemed impossible that Jane didn't know how beautiful she was. Either dressed up for a gala or just in a tank top and jeans.

His hands wanted to reach for her and confess all of his thoughts. Weller even felt his arm moving towards her, as if by its own accord. He could feel the crumbling of his internal walls and was seriously about to give himself away when there was a knock at the door and they could hear Patterson's voice through it.

Weller was thrown out of his reverie by the noise and breathed a sigh of relief. He'd nearly acted on feelings he was trying his best to repress, and that would have likely led to all sorts of complications. Yet he couldn't just let the conversation end where it was; so before they stood up, he managed to sneak in one more comment.

Looking at Jane seriously, he held her to the couch with his eyes for just a moment longer.

"Well. You should," he declared, in a tone that brooked no arguing.

His declaration brought a shy, sassy smile to her lips before Jane suddenly fled, muttering something about washing off the makeup before everything got started. Weller wistfully watched her run off before going to open the door; once again both cursing and blessing the others for showing up at that moment. Because he'd been about to reach out and kiss her. And he would have never been able to let go.

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #blindspot rewatch #s1fic #i wrote this

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

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JIKOOK:DON'T ASK ME TO STOP LOVING YOU. I WON'T- Jikook Shading eachother pt3

Disclaimer:

Everything expressed in her is my opinion. It is not intended to be malicious or disrespectful to any of the parties here in mentioned. Please don't be weird.

Jeon Jungkook is in love with Park Jimin. Period. If you have doubts, take my word for it. That man heard a bell ring and he's been following that jingle sound till thy kingdom come. Bless him.

No, I am not off track. We are still on the Jikook breakup/fights 2020 train and it's express. Beep beeeeep! Sorry.

Jk loves Jimin and it is the cause of all his woes- with Jimin as well as with the other bandmates. His problem is he loves that man- too much.

Yes, the 2019 November-December tensions with his bandmates was all because he keeps blurring the lines between his relationship and his career. He is lucky, both of them are lucky that they found eachother in a space like this where they have the opportunity to love and still have it all. Trust me, it's rare.

Except JK didn't join BTS to pursue a career. Bless him. He went there to harvest him some sweet love. Lol. Jokes aside, Jk when he started out had no goals, no ambitions whatsoever. He was young. He was just following the path set out for him by his parents perhaps, his teachers- and also he thought Namjoon's thighs were hella delicious. Lol

He has had to grow to love and appreciate his craft and career just as he's said in the recent Japan comeback interviews. He even almost quit singing to go be a dancer and all it took was Jimin telling him he had an amazing voice for him to stay- the power of park Jimin!

That's how young and naive he was when he began his career path. Let's get a bit deep and psychoanalyze him real quick. He made an entire life decision to join a boyband for seven years not because he loved to sing and dance but because he admired the zeal od RM?

Then when layer he was exposed to dance, and had to make an equally important life decision, he allowed another bandmate(Jimin) to make that decision for him. This should tell you the state of his mind as at the time. He was young and impressionable with no aspirations of his own.

Even as of 2019, he said he had no idea what he was going to do with his life after BTS had the band disbanded in 2018. That's a lot of experience span to not know what he wants to do with his life.

Now I don't mean to say he is immature but we all know the members especially Jimin have pointed out time and again that JK is in fact immature or can be.....

He seems to me as the type who still have a lot to figure out and per his recent interviews where he's talked about taking time to himself to work on himself and his hobbies etc. I have a feeling 2020 has been a period of awakening for him. A period where he is self actualizing a lot and I'm happy for him.

But it is what is causing this age of enlightenment in his life that has me curious.

Moving on, this young, naive, impressionable JK as he was in the early days of BTS started developed feelings for his hyung. Do you see the problem? I'll wait....

These feelings, I assume, began as pure admiration and fondness of Jimin. Jimin was this talented and hardworking, spontaneous, energetic hyung and JK with an impressionable mind as his was was bedazzled by him.

Soon these feelings would morph into what could be seen as an obsession, infatuation and then finally love.

The way I see it, loving Jimin gave him purpose for the first time in his young life. He may not have known much about his life goals and ambitions but he knew being with Jimin gave him a solid ground to stand on, a new sense of direction, certainty and purpose.

He got to share in Jimin's passions, share his with him, dance together, sing, practice, rehearse, make him the subject of his photography, the subject of his attention, care for him, be cared for by him- something he hadn't had the chance to experience from home before he was yanked away into idol life.

Growing up, we all experience that moment where we imprint on friends and relatives. My uncle was my mentor as well as my elder brother too. I admired them so much I sometimes confused that with romantic love till I got socialized properly.

Jk's socialization was.... He....

-Jk may be an introvert but he thrives and shines best when he partners up or is in a group like BTS or his friends group etc and Jimin i feel was the ideal partner for him; his queerness, his adventurousness, pushing JK's boundaries, challenging his beliefs, showing him how to have a good time- ok I really want this Jimin back! Like right now!

Jimin left an impression on JK's young mind. He imprinted on him. And for the longest time, we've seen the way he stares at Jimin.JK really loves Jimin.

So what's the problem?? Loving JM is consuming his mind y'all. It's all he thinks off. All he cares of. He seems super hyper focused on Jimin so much so that it is affecting the dynamics of their group.

His jealousy,possessiveness- He knows he has to keep his relationship a secret for the sake of the group because it is their secret too and yet he just can't help himself.

I feel RM and the others complain a lot about how he let's his jealousy get the best of him. Like how he almost exposed JM as his boyfriend on several occasions verbally( see previous post for further details)

Like how him getting jealous and possessive gives them away more often. I mean JM is bad at hiding it too but let's be honest JK isn't winning any awards with that bad acting. *sigh. He is hopeless.

But yes this is what led to the MMA standoff with RM. It is also the reason for the tensions between Jikook during Jin's birthday VLive (JM asked him to keep his distance because the members had tried to separate them earlier and so JM was just being salty af during this period. It had nothing to do with JK but the others. See Golden Disc and you'll understand)

This also led to their subsequent break up( which you will notice during the comeback interviews and promotions periods- I don't know about you but they were giving off two exes tryna to keep it happy for the cameras during that period but failed cos their interaction were just....)

PS: there are a lot of moments I want to point out but don't know where to begin cos there are a lot.

The blackswan behind scenes moments( JM asking JK if he he wanted to be in a subunit with someone else, JM making JK jealous during the interviews, JK using Tae to make JM jealous the next day, JK holding JMs hands not wanting to let go- he was missing his ex. Lol it's what you do when you have to be friends with that ex you still love and won't hesitate to touch them given the slightest opportunity and once you do you don'twanna let go)

Just look at that whole On comeback promotion moments. You'll understand what I mean.

Also the Run episode moments- you know the one JK almost beat Suga up with the frying pan- JM for this phase seemed to be to be trying to get back together with JK. Dude was clingy as fuck! And for once he was on his best behaviour, trying his hardest not to make JK jealous. I mean the Run behind scenes moment where JM was helping Tae clean off food residue on his mouth but stopped immediately when JK lifted his head. *insert skull head emoji. Lol

To say JM was a bit clingy during this getting back together phase would be an understatement. Remember his clingy moments during Suga's birthday Vlive 2020? And during Festa too? He was trying to get JK's attention and also impress him throughout.

Around this breakup moment too was when he was spending a lot of time with Tae playing video games with Army, posting their selfies at 4 AM and what not. It is also the same period he posted a picture of himself with his dogs on Twitter and said he was trying to spend time with loved ones- if that wasn't shade to JK!

They couldn't post 13th May because of these issues they were having. Not that JM didn't try though. He posted on the 1st, JK should have followed with 3rd but did was busy pouting somewhere. JM still gave us a 5/8=13 selca though so yaay!

What I'm trying to say is, their fight has been about JK not wanting to be separated from JM and JM asking JK to cool it off for a while to not cause trouble with the members and the company.

To which Jk responds with:

1. Interrupting JM's call with Jin during his VLive to ask him on a date and say I love you to him. Dude is a rebel, I don't know what you want me to say. He is not gonna cool it just because it makes the other worried he is exposing them too much.

Jk interrupting JMs live I feel got Jikook in trouble because after that Vlive JM never did a solo live on VLive again to this day. His subsequent lives have all been on YouTube.

I have a feeling he was penalized because that VLive exposed them. And no, I'm not being delusional. Jikook were both banned from doing a VLive together alone following their New Jersey VLIVE in 2019 when they- I don't even know how to describe what they did in that live!

And to make it less obvious, I think BigHit decided the others should stop doing solo Vlives on VLive altogether because now they all do their solo lives on YouTube as well and if they have to do a Vlive it is heavily monitored by BigHit staff or its radio and not done in their rooms too.

So I think Jimin got pissed at JK for doing that and getting them in trouble again. I mean if you heard him sigh during the new Jersey VLive you would know how frustrated JK makes him. He loves him too but.... Jk can be a bit too much ya know?!

Anyhoo, so I believe JM called for some space and told JK to take up interests in other things beside him and I don't know how JK took it but he responded with this:

Posting the cover of the song Not Never. Which was him basically saying for as long as he lives he will not never think about JM. As in he is never not ever keeping away from JM. We might have to pry Jimin from his cold hands! *sigh

Which leads to the radio Vlives moments,

Something Jimin said during his interview with suga caught my attention. He said it was nice that they get to speak with Armies at least like this. I believe all these were putting a lot of stress on Jimin as he has decided to take a break off social media prior to him saying so on this interview. But the wording of that statement also made be believe some thing or someone was preventing him from talking to Armies in the usual manner.

Earlier with RM he had said how he would go crazy if they weren't allowed to do certain things he was used to doing on stage as well. So that also raised a flag to me.

I had a feeling Suga had invited JM on that Radio live to address his 'issues'- including his issues with JK. Jikook have a subtle way of communicating with each other and somehow social media has a huge part in that. They not the only ones, Beyonce and JayZ also addressed their relationship issues through their music, going back and forth yet they lived together. I DONT UNDERSTAND THESE CELEBRITIES!!!

Sorry for the rant. Anyway I had a feeling JK was listening to the radio interview too.

Suga asked JM why he didn't come to his music video set to support him- which I believe he was referring to his Daechwita shoot. JM didn't go because, take a guess...

JK was there too. Lol. He had gone with Jin and even ended up filming a part in the music video. My guess is Jk thought Jimin was gonna be there because he always go to Support Suga and the others in times like that.

So Jimin responds with 'were you expecting me? .... I didn't come because I want you to want me more.' Now that's an absolutely random response don't you think? He couldhave said something logical like he had to record at a studio or something- unless he wasn't talking about Suga but was sending that message to someone else who was listening in. A certain man with a JM tatto ring on his ring finger perhaps??

JM from this response revealed he intentionally missed that shoot. He knew JK would be there and he wanted him to ask where JM was at it he wasn't at the shoot. It's also interesting how during this period JK was spending a lot of time with Jin. When he interrupted JM's Vlive call he was with Jin. He went with Jin to Suga's MV and Jin posted a selca of him and shirtless Jk dieimh this period too while JM was mostly seen with Tae. What does this remind you of??

MANILA. same thing happened when they had that Manila fight. Jin was with JM and we all know who was siding with JK!

Why would JM say he wants to be enacted more? Easy- He a slytherin and a Libra and those two mixed together is sinister. Kidding.

I believe JK intentionally took a step back from JM, to give him the space he wanted and it had JM feeling someway about it. Probably had him feeling JK didn't want him as much anymore. Dude is insecure we been known. He a Libra and a slytherin what y'all expect?

So I'm guessing JM put up the classic textbook attitude towards JK which had JK all confused because he had no idea what their issues were anymore or why his boyfriend was spending his nights at Tae. You want space, you got it. Why you mad?

So JK reaches out to Suga for help. because the intention was fix his relationship not have it plummet. Dude is in love with this man and will do whatever it takes to keep his relationship. *Sigh

Suga comes through for him with the interview. And I think JK put two and two together- literally. He comes up with still with you a few days after JM's interview and does a radio interview with Suga as well.

Now the focus of this interview was his "apology to Armies for his scandal.' But funny, cos his scandal happened a month before the interview. Suga radio had been ongoing after the scandal and yet this man didn't think once to come on it and apologize to Armies about an incident that BigHit had already addressed until JMs interview.

You don't talk about scandals. That's the protocol.

Let me also point out JK has had several scandals in the past of which he had never addressed in a Vlive let alone apologize in that way. Not saying he wouldn't, he hasn't. They themselves don't address scandals unofficially, that's the protocol and he knows it.

If they were allowed to think Armies would be more interested in him addressing the Tatoo gurl scandal not his Friday night happy hours with his friends. That apology was for Jimin not armies.

Also, he pointed out how still with you was written when he was alone in the dark thinking by himself. That sounds to me like something you do when you've had a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend and they've packed their things and left your shared apartment.

Interestingly, Jk mentioned during Festa the rain fight. Still with you literally has rain drops sounds in the beginning of the song and also on the cover on sound cloud. Seems to me that whatever happened that night had JK reminiscing about times he'd fought with JM- the rain fight. Which is what inspired still with you (I will do a full analysis of that song and others soon here on my blog'

Yea, so he apologized to JM for their fight I guess and said he loves Army. *smirk.

And things started falling into place right after that. They started- Jikooking again. Jk called JM out on Weverse so they start their online flirting thingy- posting immediately after each other, 13, those kinda things

Things seemed good. Untill their Japan interviews when JK said spending time alone pursuing new hobbies was gold to him and JM saying maintaining his relationships with friends and family is good to him. Seems JK is still salty about JM wanting space. It will take sometime for him to get used to not being around JM 24/7. Know what I mean?

I don't think there was major tension there. Just two lovebirds shading eachother. *smirk I mean the passive aggressiveness of it all. Lol

I have a feeling JK will keep jabbing at JM with that because let's face it, he is the emo one in that relationship and most importantly he loves JM with all his being and wants to be with him always. A partner asking for space can feel like they are pushing you away or rejecting you. It triggers a lot of insecurities so I understand JK in that sense. They are both not wrong in my opinion. Space can be a good thing and hey at least JK got to read a whole book during this time! Who woulda thought!

And quiet honestly, if Jikook are real as I believe they are then these issues they are having pales in comparison to the hurdles that lie ahead of them for when they decide to come out or live as a forever couple.

I guess It is why JK put these lyrics in GCF Helsinki at JMs part:

Why do you spend your time leading the chorus,

When the war was just waiting before us?

As if you didn't know

I guess it's sums up what Jikook were dealing with during that period of you take into consideration the fact this was released end of December/ early 2020.

Jimin pays too much attention to what people thinks of their relationship as if he didn't know what he was getting himself into. ...

This has been a long one, chai! Sorry. I get carried away sometimes talking about Jikook. Lol.

So what is the state of their relationship? They good. I been told y'all JK is trying to bring back their old online filtering habits. He did it on Weverse when he posted about him reading and asking what JM was doing forcing JM to come out with a response.

He did the same yesterday when he posted a cover song after JM posted his selca on Twitter. They good. They more than good I believe. I will keep observing and will update y'all with my observations as and when.

Oh and I will be doing an analysis of his new cover may be later tonight. Until then its Jikook forever bishes! Gang, gang, gang,

I'M OUT!

#kookmin #jikook #nightswithkookmin #jikooktheories #kookmintheories #jikook analysis #kookmin analysis #bts jimin #bts jungkook #jikook fights #jikook scenarios #jikook wallpaper #kookmim #kookmin fights #jimin lockscreens #park jimin #bts fluff #bts angst

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stardustpubs · 5 years ago

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From Neverland

What does it mean to love someone? Do you have to sacrifice everything for the sake of their happiness? Will it come naturally over time? Are there things you have to change about yourself? How does it last forever? May be these are all the wrong questions to ask. May be it's the wrong perception of love. People often stereotypes love; but in actuality; love is diverse, a different case for everyone. Written in these pages is the final journal entry of a man who struggled to keep his love going, but instead, witnessed the death of his high school sweetheart from a deadly disease that had torn apart many. Being in love with someone for years until you are forced to move on whether you like it or not is no easy task. I guess forever is not enough to measure how one can love. A lifetime? May be. Probably. We might never know. These things should just be left aside as a superficial distant future. For all we know, love is boundless.

A dashing first attempt of a bittersweet love story that is relatable in some way or another.

A/N: Picture does not belong to me and if the original artist is identified, please credit and cite accordingly. Thank you. Source: Pinterest

November 21, 2017

Huxley Lofts Apartments, Room 208

478 Railroad Street, Groton, NY

A month has passed since tragedy struck this apartment. It's been an entire month of wistfulness and wander. The incident almost seems like a dream by now, slowly sinking to memory, scar emerging. But echoes and memoirs of my past deeds, whether in bliss or in woe, still haunts me to my very being.

Me. Her. Us. And everything in between.

It all begs me to remember when I try my best to forget. But maybe I don't need to forget. May be what I need is to learn from it. Sounds cliché doesn't it? That's because it is. And it's pitiful enough for me to advise myself some sappy life lesson that I'm sure will not even pursue. Sigh.

'If only I'd ran faster.'

'If only I had kept my mouth shut.'

'May be only then, I wouldn't feel so empty right now.'

'And broken.'

'And alone.'

'And lost.'

These were the thoughts I had on that cold winter night. I still do feel the same, yes, only lighter. The wound is still there but not as deep anymore because I do not intend to be held back by these thoughts forever. Regretting the things I failed to do or what I could have done will not and will never change what had already happened. I have to keep moving forward. I need to let her be the doves and sing among the stars in Neverland. At least, that is what she want me to do and I have to keep my word close to my heart at all times.

What a horrible way to start an entry, I know. I was never really good a writing introductions. Let's just hope I can write the ending better. Anyway, like I said before, I need to keep moving forward, and I'll start by narrating the events that took the life of one (MY) Wendy 'Darling'.

Welp, here goes nothing.

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It was hours afterwards when I found myself weaving hastily through the crowded streets of the city: through the loud chatters of passersby, the constant ringing of phones, and the bickering of cards and buses; an irritating cacophony of the city's night life. I mean, it's the same for the day, but still, irritating. Not to mention the invasive contact of skin and the quick warm breath of the people made it difficult to breathe. Or was it just me? I'm not so sure anymore. What's worse though is that it was so freaking cold. I had nothing but a jacket, a plain shirt, a pair of sweat pants, and sandals on in the middle of November. It was such an embarrassment to be seen in such thin clothing.

To be honest, I just sort of ran out the door and didn't bother to put on anything else since getting the medicine for Wendy was my top priority at that moment. Besides, it doesn't really matter now, does it? It was always my fault anyway. I got carried away by the heat of the moment and overreacted. We had another argument, well, the same argument actually. It's all she has been saying about over these past few months.

"Arthur, I don't want to take my medications anymore," she said in a weak frail voice.

I stood by the bedside table measuring her prescriptions with mouth agape but not entirely. Shell shocked, sure, but seemingly - ok, may be it was obvious- annoyed by the consistency of her pleas.

"Yet you never do," I replied.

"I'm sure of it this time," she responded with great confidence.

"Sigh. Why even what that, Sunshine? If that happens, I'll be lonely for the rest of my days."

I flashed her a soft wavering smile before she mumbled, "But you don't have to be," her eyes wet with tears. At that moment, I dove in to the edge of the bed and caressed her cheeks as I attempt to stop her from crying.

With my heart rumbling, my stomach churning, and my smile faltering, I asked, "What's wrong, Darling?"

"I am! I've caused you nothing but trouble this past year. I'm a burden to you, Arthur. I always have been."

"What are you saying? No you're not. Never have I thought of you like that," I argued in return.

"Just look at you. You work 4 hours a days at 3 part-time jobs each and for what? 3 bottles of 'booze' a month that doesn't even seem to work while you struggle to pay the rent. No sleep, no eat, all work; you're basically as dead as me."

"So, what are you implying?"

"Forget about me. Think about yourself for once."

'But we decided this would only be temporary until we can afford for your surgery."

"Yeah, well, I'm deciding something else now."

"And I decided we will never speak of this again!" I said with a raised voice.

Silence enveloped the room. Not one of us dared to utter a word for the moment. But the presence of it was foreboding, and so I spoke, "It's time for your medicine". I grabbed the tray littered with bottle sand cups from the table and placed it between ourselves like a boundary before guiding one of the cups towards her mouth.

"I don't want to," she pouted.

Irritated, I said, "Enough is enough, honey. Drink the medicine."

"No."

"Drink-"

"I said no!"

"Just drink the god-medicine, Wendy," I exclaimed as I shoved her the medicine.

"NO!"

Next thing I knew, there was a slap at my wrist and a thump in my lap alongside the clattering of plastic and shattering of glass. It took me a second staring at the pool of chemical splattered on the floor before I processed what had just happened: She shattered her one chance of survival I so desperately worked hard to give her. And then, I broke down into fits...

"LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I SPENT ON THAT? FOR YOU AND FOR THAT CAD SHIT?"

"Arthur, I'm-" she stammered.

"NO, YOU'RE NOT! ALL THIS TIME, YOU'VE ONLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT? ALL I WANTED WAS TO SEE YOU GET BETTER. I WANTED YOU TO LIVE. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I WANTED TO KEEP LOVING YOU!"

"WE'RE NOT LIVING IN A FAIRY TALE, ARTHUR. WE'RE NOT IN NEVERLAND LIKE WE ALWAYS BELIEVED. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS HAPPILY EVER AND THERE WILL NEVER WILL BE. THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE JUST MEANT TO BE BROKEN. AND I'M ONE OF THEM. IF YOU TRULY LOVE ME, THEN LET ME GO. WE'RE BOTH SUFFERING IF WE CONTINUE TO LIVE LIKE THIS."

The thought of such deed struck a chord in my heart which left me speechless once again. But knowing myself, I refuse to accept such fate, and I decided to make sure of it.

"Stay here. I'll be back in a few minutes," I ordered in the most calming voice I could muster at that time.

"Where do you plan on going?"

"The pharmacy."

"In the middle of the night? That's 4 blocks away! You can't be serious!"

I ignored her nevertheless as I reached for my jacket in the closet, but she held onto my arm before I could do so and pleaded, "Please, Arthur, just stop it already. It's not worth it. It’ll be too late. Please!” However, I just shook her off and went anyway and said, "For you, anything is worth it," because apparently, apathetic is what I am.

The mere lights of each lamppost illuminated a small portion of the darkened setting against the bright fluorescent lights; guiding me and leading me home. A sudden burst of rain made everything dreamy and hazy. While others went to seek refuge, I dashed across the crosswalk with a bag of necessities, passing door after door. I was completely soaked, but I couldn't care less. I was desperate to return to the apartment. And when I did, she was right. It was too late...I was too late. "Wendy, I'm back," I called out. What I expected to be the woman of my dreams to welcome me home, instead, I found a pale figure drowned in blankets sleeping soundly in our bed, a single piece of paper rested over her hand:

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And that was the end of it, the end of our supposed to be never-ending story. When the paramedics came, they informed me that she died shortly after I left her from a heart attack due to high blood pressure. It was my fault. Everything was fault. I was the one who ruined everything. But that's beside the point. What matters right now is how I shall move on from such a tragedy.

Do I call myself a widower now? We haven't actually gotten engaged or anything, I guess not. Would I even learn to love again? It depends on how I see it now. If I would have guess, I once believed wholeheartedly on the concept of forever, yet, I never really understood any of it. But I think I do now; it's a lie. Forever is a beautiful you wished to believe with someone and cherished it together against all odds.

You know what, may be Wendy and I aren't meant to be forever. May be it was only meant for a lifetime, at least, Wendy's. I still have all the time in world that I can spend loving her. May be I won't end it just yet - or maybe I won't. We'll never know. But when I do, I'm going to tell her all about it in another life.

Signing off,

James Arthur Celestine, Her Peter Pan.

PS. What do you know, I did write a better ending!

#short story #love #bittersweet #fiction #rework

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redscullyrevival · 8 years ago

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Fool’s Assassin: Fitz and the Fool Rundown

OH MY GOD @sonnetscrewdriver

Plot/Narrative/Setting:

Uhhhh, holy SHIT???

Now, I know I’ve consumed these Elderling books in a rapid fashion but this one I friggin’ devoured.

I loved it so much, so many aspects of this first book I completly adored and got very emotional over.

Plot aspects and writing aspects.

Bee’s first chapter from her perspective?!

Oh my god you guys I had to put the book down and wander about my house in a glow for a bit, but I’ll come back to that in a little while.

For now I just wanna say that I feel a little vindicated! Heh.

I said it felt like Blood of Dragons was leaning into another book and that feels true here, especially thematically - at least with how I viewed the end of Rain Wilds anyways.

The fresh baby Elderlings are going to have time to grow and look back on their past and their experiences and see them anew; time is it’s own change but in The Rain Wilds Chronicles the young keepers couldn’t see past their own immediate trials and tribulations, and had no need or desire to do so. They’re young.

Fitz and the Fool seems it will focus on change and we all know every Elderling series is about change, duhdoy - but this time around the variation on theme seems to be “reflection as change”.

And this is being done in really interesting ways I’m gobbling up!

Looking back and reflecting on the past can’t change the past but it can change the observer, it can shift our perspective and self understanding.

Experience and time changes how we feel about our personal stories, changes how we feel about ourselves and our actions and choices and is a willing practice most people indulge in as they age.

And then there are children.

Children are a near constant form of self reflection; parenting is a daily grind through one’s own childhood memories and habits and looking at yourself and experience through your parent’s eyes as well as your newly acquired parent lenses - it is very intense.

Raising children is achingly sweet, oddly nostalgic, uniquely frustrating, guilt draining, and terrifying. Trust me.

And I don’t imagine there are many experiences that forces someone to be as introspective and unwillingly mining and measuring their own life as much as raising children does. It’s a type of change where your sense of control is lacking to nonexistent.

Parenting is basically adolescence 2.0 okay?

Nobody knows what they’re doing the first time around and all the experience in the world won’t prepare you for the amazing differences each child possesses. Parenting is just an adaptive process of change on the go.

So far the Fitz and the Fool series seems to be focusing on these two particular types of change by merging parenting’s hyper focused self-evaluation with the natural backward glance of ageing into a snowball of dread (and I assume later acceptance).

It’s fantastic stuff!

Fitz

I feel as if my personal prayers have been answered.

I’m so over the moon that Fitz is a professional wayward child collector, it’s so beautiful I can’t stand it!

When reading Tawny Man I thought “You know what would be great? Fitz adopting more children” - a thought I had AFTER he married Molly and thus had like nine kids already.

HehehehhaaahahAHAHAHABAAAAHAHAH!

This is my favorite Fitz.

Still making poor choices driven by self isolation of course, you can’t teach an old wolf new tricks evidently, but still my favorite Fitz so far.

So much calmer.

Quick to listen and slow to speak.

Empathetic, less paranoid.

A sturdy man.

Retirement suited Fitz, and I’m so glad his edges softened and his eyes adjusted to the light.

I want him to keep his found peace and take it with him through this new gauntlet of horrible happenings, I believe in him.

It’s a little upsetting Fitz still doesn’t believe in himself, or rather he doesn’t believe in others.

Fitz is still afraid of what he can’t immediately control; doesn’t see his friendships clearly; and takes up more responsibility then he can handle without asking for help.

Frankly, after Molly’s death Fitz isn’t a very adaptive parent.

He tries! He does, and if time was on his side I think Fitz and Bee would have built something wonderful and symbiotic.

PS Molly was so real in this book. So warm and defined in my mind, I grew to really see her. Devastated!

Bee

Oh my sweet summer child!

We’ve broken into a new perspective! For the first time we see Fitz from the outside! I LOVE IT.

I also love Bee.

I really love Bee.

On the Fitz side of things I’m pleased with how he is now; on the Bee side of things I think there was a lot Fitz could have done and didn’t when it comes to his younger daughter.

Much of what Bee knows and understands of her Father (and other adults around her) is from her own observations and intelligence, not from him sharing information with her directly.

Most informative communication between father and daughter is instigated by Bee.

And that’s frustrating. I’m frustrated on Bee’s behalf.

I’m frightened for her now as well!

Oh Bee, stay save.

Be smart.

The Fool

*anguished war cry*

Shun

Shun obviously has problems and I’m doing my best to not hold anything against her.

If she can she needs to get her shit together and sooner would be better than later.

She’s going to need herself and Bee isn’t going to admit it but she’ll need her too.

God I hope Shun rises to the occasion of total survival - I’m on your team Shun! You can do it!

Lant

What the fuck lol?

Who is this clown?

Shun is a mess but Lant is a disaster. What’s his deal?

Thankful for small miracles that Shun went with Bee - cause these two were getting chummy and I’m pretty sure they’re brother and sister or something.

Bee’s observation during dinner one night about how Shun and Lant were like mirrors of each other is going to ring true I’d wager.

AND I BLAME CHADE.

I hope this kid turns around and becomes helpful, otherwise I’m cool if he stays home.

Highlighted Passages

Time is an unkind teacher, delivering lessons that we learn far too late for them to be useful.

A tiny motion caught my eye. It wasn’t much. Steady had opened his mouth and then shut it again. It was not much of a trail but I’d pursue it. I looked at him suddenly, pointed my finger, and demanded, “What did Chade tell you not to tell anyone?”

At intervals throughout my life, I had tried to record all I had seen and done. And often enough I’d had to hastily destroy those accounts when I feared they would fall into the wrong hands. I winced as I thought of it. I only regret the time I spent writing them when I had to burn them. I think of all the time I spent carefully writing, only to have it burn to ash in a matter of minutes. But you always began again. Writing it down. I almost laughed aloud. I did. And each time I’ve done so, I’ve found that the story changed as my perspective on life changed.

I had been young, I excused myself, and who does not put himself in the best possible light when he presents his tale to someone he loves? Or his excuses to someone he has wronged.

It was a very good life I had. When melancholy overtook me, I knew it was not for anything in my present, but only darkness from the past. And those bleak regrets were only memories, powerless to hurt me. I thought of that, and yawned suddenly. I could sleep now, I decided.

A part of me did not wish to leave her when her mind was so unsettled, and another part of me longed for a respite from indulging her delusion. I called Revel aside and asked that he pay special attention to her requests while I was gone. He looked almost offended that I thought such a command necessary. “As ever, sir,” he said, and added his stiff little bow that meant, You idiot.

I was almost annoyed at her for spoiling my perfectly good sulk. And that was when I realized that was what I had been doing. I’d been sulking because the Fool had sent letters to Jofron and not to me. And like a child, I’d been testing the people who loved me, pulling away from them almost for the sole reason of seeing if anyone would come after me.

I did not begrudge Molly her years of marriage to Burrich. He had been a good man for her. But this was like a slow knife turning in me, to watch them recollect an experience I would never have. I stared at them, the outsider again. And then, as if a curtain had lifted or a door opened, I realized that I excluded myself.

“Fitz! Must you always leap from one imagined disaster to another? Listen to what I’m actually saying, which is that I don’t know what path Nettle chose for herself. But if she is alone now, it is because she chose to be alone, not because someone decreed it for her. Her life is hers to live, not yours to repair.”

Ah, I do not know what comfort anyone could offer me, save to let me say these things aloud and not recoil in horror from my heartlessness.

There would never again be anyone like her. Never anyone who would love us so completely, with so little reason.

I reined my heart away from exploring those losses. It was one of my faults, one that Molly had sometimes rebuked me for indulging. If one bad thing befell me, I immediately linked it to every bad thing that had happened in the last week or might happen in the coming week. And when I became sad, I was prone to wallow in grief, piling up my woes and sprawling on them like a dragon on a hoard. I needed to focus on what I had, not what I had lost. I needed to remember there was a tomorrow, and I had just committed myself to someone else’s tomorrow as well.

There was a danger in asking too much of a child, but the danger of asking too little was almost equal.

Like him, I bore some scars from the things we had exploded together. Just as we had this girl’s life.

I think I decided that night that the discomfort of being close to him was preferable to standing away from the only person in the world who I knew loved me. I suspect that at some point he had made the same decision.

In many places Patience had written scathingly skeptical notes about the veracity of what she was reading. Often they made me giggle uncontrollably: It was a glimpse into her that no one else had shared with me. Her notes were fading, so I renewed them in black ink as I found them.

I felt a flash of anger toward Chade at the bubbling kettle he had sent to my home. Who would be scalded when she finally boiled over?

“It’s too short to braid. I cut it because my mother died.” I looked at her directly for one instant. Shun met my gaze coldly. Then she said, “I can only wish my mother were dead. I think it would make my life easier.” I stared at her knees. Her words cut me and I tried to understand why. After a moment it came to me. She considered her pain more significant than mine.

I suspected that in her thoughtless wretchedness she could employ cruelty such as I had never experienced from an adult.

The best an assassin can do is create a setting in which he does not have to witness the pain he causes.

We live in our bodies. An assault on that outside fortress of the mind leaves scars that may not show, but never heal.

I hugged my knees tightly to my chest, pulling them in hard, wishing I could break my own legs. Wishing I could destroy myself so I could escape these terrible feelings.

“I will always take your part, Bee. Right or wrong. That is why you must always take care to be right, lest you make your father a fool.”

I could be my father’s daughter. Impervious to what he had done. Sure of my own worthiness. I lifted my chin.

FitzVigilant had failed as an assassin, so Chade had assumed he would do better as a scribe and teacher. And I had gone along with such a crooked piece of logic. Why? Did either of us believe that teaching children might be easier than killing them?

“Torture strips one of all dignity. Pain can make you shriek, or beg, or soil yourself. There is no privacy when your enemies own you and have no compunction, no human compunction at all about what they will do to you. So, among my friends, yes. Privacy is still an obsession. And a gift from them. A restoration in small part of what dignity I once had.”

I bowed my head to that. After a moment, she added, “People love you far more than you deserve, Tom Badgerlock. But you don’t even believe that they love you at all.” I was still pondering that when she added, “And I am one of those people.” “Nettle, I’m so—” “Say it again and I’ll hit you. I don’t care who is watching. If I could ask one thing of you, it would be that you never say those stupid words again.”

#Realm of the elderlings #Fitz and the Fool #year of book #fandom talks

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vita-player · 5 years ago

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5 Changes Sony Should Have Made To The Vita

The PS Vita never achieved the glowing success of its predecessor. 80 million sales for the PSP was an incredible achievement so it was a disappointment that the Vita only achieved 16 million in its lifetime. We often wonder if there were changes Sony should have made to the Vita to improve the console in that time. Putting the marketing woes aside that had a devastating effect on the public’s…

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#PS Vita #Sony #Sony Interactive Entertainment

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seekfirstme · 5 years ago

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Meditation: If Jesus were to visit your community today, what would he say? Would he issue a warning like the one he gave to Chorazin and Bethsaida? And how would you respond? Wherever Jesus went he did mighty works to show the people how much God had for them. Chorazin and Bethsaida had been blessed with the visitation of God. They heard the good news and experienced the wonderful works which Jesus did for them. Why was Jesus upset with these communities? The word woe is also translated as alas. It is as much an expression of sorrowful pity as it is of anger.

Jesus calls us to walk in the way of truth and freedom - justice and holiness

Why does Jesus lament and issue a stern warning? The people who heard the Gospel here very likely responded with indifference. Jesus upbraids them for doing nothing! Repentance demands change - a change of heart and way of life. God's word is life-giving and it saves us from destruction - the destruction of soul as well as body. Jesus' anger is directed toward sin and everything which hinders us from doing the will of God and receiving his blessing. In love he calls us to walk in his way of truth and freedom, grace and mercy, justice and holiness. Do you receive his word with faith and submission or with doubt and indifference?

"Lord Jesus, give me the child-like simplicity and purity of faith to gaze upon your face with joy and confidence in your all-merciful love. Remove every doubt, fear, and proud thought which would hinder me from receiving your word with trust and humble submission."

VOICE LESSONS

"We have been disobedient to the Lord, our God, and only too ready to disregard His voice." Baruch 1:19

Jesus commented that His sheep "recognize His voice" and "follow Him" (Jn 10:4). Jesus' followers "will not follow a stranger; such a one they will flee, because they do not recognize a stranger's voice" (Jn 10:5). Sometimes the Lord's voice is not easy to hear. Jesus speaks softly, not crying out (Mt 12:19). The Lord often speaks most powerfully in "a still small voice" (1 Kgs 19:12, RSV-CE).

Like Mary of Bethany, we must choose the better part, put everything aside, sit at Jesus' feet, and listen to His voice (Lk 10:39). We must repent of disregarding His voice and diligently listen for it. We must shut off the TV and turn off our phones, tablets, and computers. If we don't turn off the voices of those competing with God for our attention, those voices may prevail (see Lk 23:23ff). We must rise early while it is still quiet and listen for His voice. Otherwise, we will be "only too ready to disregard His voice" (Bar 1:19).

"Ignorance of the Scriptures is ignorance of Christ" (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 133) and of His voice. We will hear His voice if we are committed to hearing Him and committed to the truth (Jn 18:37).

On Judgment Day, all will hear and recognize Jesus' voice (Jn 5:28). Then it will be too late to repent and change (Jn 5:29). Will Judgment Day be the first time you recognize His voice? "Oh, that today you would hear His voice" (Ps 95:7).

Prayer: Jesus, like St. John the Baptizer, I will listen for you and rejoice greatly at the sound of Your voice (Jn 3:29). Promise: "He who hears you, hears Me. He who rejects you, rejects Me. And he who rejects Me, rejects Him Who sent Me." —Lk 10:16 Praise: St. Francis of Assisi inaugurated a Catholic revolution by humbly modeling evangelical poverty. (This teaching was submitted by a member of our editorial team.)

Rescript: In accord with the Code of Canon Law, I hereby grant the Nihil Obstat ("Permission to Publish") for One Bread, One Body covering the period from October 1, 2019 through November 30, 2019.

Most Reverend Joseph R. Binzer, Auxiliary Bishop, Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, March 11, 2019.

The Nihil Obstat ("Permission to Publish") is a declaration that a book or pamphlet is considered to be free of doctrinal or moral error. It is not implied that those who have granted the Nihil Obstat agree with the contents, opinions, or statements

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delwray-blog · 6 years ago

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PHARISEEISM IS A JEWISH SYSTEM DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED TO CHRISTIANITY

PHARISEEISM IS JUDAISM!

Phariseeism is Modern Day Judaism, Judaic Encyclopedia. Modern Day Phariseeism is a Jewish System diametrically opposed to Christianity while on the other hand, a Pharisee can be either a Jew or a Gentile (goyim, a non-Jew animal) and even a Christian. Phariseeism is Judaism! Any Christian can be a Pharisee and for that matter, there is a little Pharisee in all of us. For the sake of this paper, I choose to put the emphasis on the Christian and the Pharisee produced from his fallen nature.

The Pharisee is an "Actor' when it comes to Spirituality

“Ye are of your FATHER THE DEVIL, and the lust of your father ye will do.” John 8:44

“…ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the CHILD OF HELL than yourselves.” Matt. 23:15

“The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God. They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one.” Psalms 14:2-3

I make no apology for the way I write and characterize the false pharisaical attitudes found in our churches and in our Baptist ranks today as is true of every period in God’s dealings with man and human nature. If you love God’s Word, you ought to have a genuine righteous indignation and hatred for what God hates.

“Through thy precepts I get understanding: therefore I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:104

“Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:124

Are we on the same plain, on the same page or do you think it is wrong to attack another’s religion? Is this your case, or has the fear of man kept you in a spiritual stronghold? Now that you’ve noticed the negative aspects of much of God’s Word. If you love that which is “pure” God’s Word, you will “...Abhor that which is evil…” Rom. 12:9. Sadly, the majority of Christians refuse to accept the duality of God majoring on his positive side and neglecting His negative. Right on His love and wrong on His hatred! God is love but He is also a God of hatred. Man’s failure to distinguish between the two opens him up to all kinds of Phariseeism!

The “act” or “show” of spirituality is Phariseeism. A Pharisee is an actor, one who goes through life acting out the Christians life. He well could be the super-spiritual Christian demonstrating his religious practice or the one practically performing his religious commitments or duties. It’s that person who looks just like a Christian, sounds like a Christian, has all the right friends, talks the talk, walks the walk, always carrying his KJB and letting you know how strong his belief in it is, shouts the loudest, preaches how great the “love of God” is wanting you to know he is a King James Bible authority, prompt in every service, giving liberally to those in need, tithing and active in all the programs of the church. The religious sect known as the Pharisee’s is today’s “Judaism” and still exists as it did when Christ was here on earth, but in different forms. Its philosophy, way of life, views, and attitude is more apparent than ever. Jesus in the strongest terms warned against this way of thinking in Matthew 23.

“But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in,” Matt. 23:13.

“Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity,” Matt. 23:28.

It was the pharisaical attitude that crucified Jesus Christ and had the Apostles martyred. The Apostle Paul struggled with Phariseeism. Phariseeism, as I am defining it in this context, signifies fixation with external religious practices and confidence in one’s own performance; such fixation replaces authentic confidence in God and trust in His Word as the basis for one’s salvation and the more abundant life walking with Jesus Christ. I remember God telling me when just a teenage that He would never leave me or forsake me, promising to be with me in life an even in death waiting to carry me over home. And what a relationship we have had! How foolish to go through life with the wrong views and the wrong understanding and miss out on a personal friendship with Jesus? They told me, when a kid, I would never amount to anything for God, and as I look back over the years I must admit they were right. Jesus made all the difference though because the relationship that was formed between He and me made an “ordinary boy’s life turned into an extraordinary life for God.” They don’t know the half of it, I wish they only knew! Back to my purpose for this treaty, human nature wicked as it has never changed and it is deceptive as ever. We are more apt to let ourselves be deceived than to deceive another.

Many of you remember the day George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama was shot he was a candidate for the president of the US. Unfortunately, he wound up spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Incredible life for the man who stood at the entrance of the University of Alabama when the Federal Government was forcing integration on the all-white colleges in America. Wallace’s last words were, “segregation today, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever.”

The irony of the shooting was the man in the crowd that shot him was dressed as one of his supporters. He was shouting as if they were friends and shot him at point-blank range. Far worse than George Wallace’s shooting is the murder of innocent souls by those exhibiting the pharisaical attitude and its lifestyle? The Devil will do anything to keep a soul from coming to Christ. The Devil uses all religions to keep souls from recognizing their true condition “lost, helpless and hopeless.” without a relationship with Jesus Christ. “…we shall be saved by His life.” It is the relationship that makes all the difference not the practical side of the Christian’s experiences.

In Paul’s day, certain religious leaders were getting inside the hearts and minds of Christians and getting them to move away from relational trust in Christ to confidence in the flesh. These religious leaders were seeking to convince Gentile Christians that faith plus circumcision equals salvation. For Paul, these religious leaders’ demand that Gentile Christians be circumcised signified the mutilation of relational trust. We find Paul discussing this problem and providing a response in Philippians 3:1-21. I doubt many Gentile Christians today are debating whether or not to be circumcised to make sure they are saved. How about those who demand baptism? However, we often struggle with a more subtle form of performance-based spirituality expressed through a certain kind of Christian work ethic. I wonder what Paul would have made of those attempts to assure ourselves of our salvation and adequacy as Christians through our spiritual performances and forms of religious proficiency or duties?

Performance-based spirituality is nothing new. “Faith plus circumcision” is simply an old form of it. The age-old problem of performance and capacity-based spirituality vs. relational spirituality is alive and well. Forms of performance or capacity-based spirituality are more subtle today, though they are always relatively easy to measure. Too often our approach to spiritual formation is a series of “cut and paste” activities. We start with a “sanitized” view of the gospel and then we attempt to “match” our living to that. This ignores the depth and complexity of life and breeds a static, performance-oriented spirituality of having all your “ducks in a row.”

Performance-based spirituality often manifests itself in discussions of strong Christian leaders. For all his strength in Christ, Paul was weak, intentionally so, as we find in 1 Corinthians 2:2; 11-12. Paul did not succumb to the attempt to find his confidence in the power of his personality and strength as a leader. A preacher friend wrote this way, “Mind you, I have always secretly desired to be a “strong man;” but the longer I look at scripture, I just don’t see it. We don’t see the kingdom going forward on the coattails of “Great Men,” but on the bloody despised backs of men like Paul, who was a weak abominable person.”

Certainly, Paul could have played the game of performance-based spirituality. After all, he had reason for unparalleled confidence in the flesh. Consider what he writes in his critique of Christian Phariseeism:

“Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe. Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,” Philippians 3:1-8

Though Paul could have boasted in his flesh, we find in verse seven and following that he places his confidence in Christ. After all, those who trust in Christ are circumcised of heart. They are the true circumcision, according to Paul:

“For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.” Philippians 3:3,

This was no academic debate for Paul. One needs to keep in mind that the leaders Paul is challenging here were moving about in churches. They were not outsiders. In fact, they were master performers inside church walls. I need to be on guard that I am not someone who is guilty of advocating forms of religion that involve boasting in the flesh and that inspired Paul’s cutting critique. We all need to be on guard against boasting in our spiritual performances rather than Christ.

So, how shall we proceed? Shall it be from inability to ability to expertise? No, but by considering everything a loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord. It involves discounting a righteousness that comes from boasting in this or that law and counting on a righteousness that comes through relational trust in Christ. Such trust involves forgetting what lies behind us by way of our performance and pressing forward in Christ in view of his performance on our behalf Philippians 3:7-14.

In place of proceeding from inability to ability to expertise, we need to proceed by way of responding to Christ’s initiative and provision of His life and repenting and daily being renewed. As Oliver B Green wrote, “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, “Repent” Matt. 4:17, He willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance” Such repentance does not mean less work, but more work, the work of faith. The circumcised of heart will not fall back and coast; rather, they will run hard to the finish line to take hold of the one who has taken hold of them Philippians 3:12-14. They will work harder than anyone, yet without boasting in themselves. After all, as Jesus told another Pharisee, those who are forgiven much love much and those which are forgiven little love little Luke 7:47. Or as that former Pharisee Paul wrote,

“And last of all, he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.” “For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God, I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain, but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. Therefore whether it was I or they, so we preach, and so ye believed” 1 Cor. 15:8-11.

How confident in Christ’s love are we who confess Christ? What are ways that we struggle with performance-based spirituality today in your estimation? What recommendations might you have to move us from placing confidence in our performance in placing confidence in Christ’s performance of the faith on our behalf? How might we encourage one another in view of Christ’s love to live out the faith so that God’s grace toward us is not in vain but bears relational fruit? Jesus did not only die on the cross because He loved us, But He also died because of His hatred for sin and for the unrepentant sinner’s pharisaical attitude of rejection. “It's hard to believe that someone would die in the place of a good man, but Christ went the extra mile and died for the ungodly. And that is exactly the point of God's love. That sin and ungodliness were so repulsive to God. That He would rather die than let us keep living like that. That Hell was so horrible that He rather die than let us go there” Romans 5:6-10.

“And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased, and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.” Matt. 23:12

“Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?” Matt. 23:33

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atakportal · 6 years ago

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The secret is so well kept; they don’t even know it themselves.

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The ones that surprised me the most were those in which my clients told me that, aside from finally enjoying lasting freedom from their ailments, they also lost weight as an added bonus.

As I received more and more e-mails from grateful (and now slimmer) clients, I began to notice a pattern.

They had bought my Health Guides that involved special exercises that aided breathing, such as my Headache And Migraine Relief program, my Fibromyalgia Program, and other programs in that category.

Initially, I didn’t see the connection.

How did these specific exercises help my clients lose weight?

I grappled with that mystery for the longest time, looking for the answer in medical journals, health books, and on the Internet.

The funny thing is, I found the answer in a beautiful hardwood forest in northern Pennsylvania.

I was pondering the question while camping there one still night.

I was exasperated at how hard it was to keep my campfire alight. The fire burned too slowly, and it produced a lot more smoke than heat. No amount of wood could make it burn any higher.

Then, all of a sudden, a gust of wind blew into the campsite—and the campfire flared up magnificently!

I realized that the exercises that helped my clients lose weight did so by bringing more oxygen into the body.

I knew that to burn anything, you need three things: heat, fuel, and oxygen.

Our bodies already have the heat and fuel (some of us have more of the fuel than others, unfortunately), just like my fire had enough heat and fuel.

I theorized that bringing more oxygen into the system—like the breeze had brought more oxygen into the campfire—would let the body burn fat more quickly and effectively.

So I set out to work. I gathered all the exercises I had in my programs that aided breathing and asked some individuals to test them.

Many started losing weight steadily.

As the days went by, they gave feedback as to how they did certain exercises differently, making them even more effective.

I wrote down every bit of wisdom that came from these great people.

Little by little, their feedback shaped my new Weight Loss Breeze Program into what you’ll be seeing very, very soon.

Seemingly simple exercises—most lasting no more than a few minutes each day—not only helped my clients lose weight rapidly, they also opened the doors to the following benefits:

What’s more, the exercises in my new Weight Loss Breeze Program fit easily into all diet or exercise.

In fact, these incredibly simple exercises seem to help the body run as efficiently as it possibly can, multiplying the results of other weight-loss efforts …

Doing the exercises, you will most likely not even break a sweat.

The exercises are so easy and simple that you can do them anytime during the day. You don’t need to go to a gym or schedule a specific time into your daily schedule for them.

You can do them while driving to work, during your coffee break, or while watching TV.

But that’s not the best part…

The exercises are designed to release the muscles that control the breathing process, helping you to breathe more efficiently round-the-clock, taking in more oxygen 24/7.

Like I said before, to burn fat, we need three things: fuel (body fat), heat (body heat), and oxygen.

The oxygen we breathe in metabolizes with body fat to form adenosine triphosphate (ATP), our primary source of energy.

So the theory is; the more oxygen we take in, the more fat we burn.

Virtually all weight loss programs out there focus on reducing body fat by dieting or sticking to low-fat meal plans, or increasing body heat by working out.

There aren’t any programs I’m aware of that advocate weight loss through increased oxygen intake.

The solution to our weight-loss woes is literally right under our noses. It’s a scientific fact that only 10% of our energy actually comes from food and water—the remaining 90% comes from oxygen.

What’s more, our bodies get rid of 80% of the toxic materials in the cells through breathing.

We thoroughly clean our bodies by breathing more efficiently and taking in more oxygen, allowing us to lose weight more easily.

A revolutionary discovery, my new Weight Loss Breeze Program elevates the role of oxygen intake in weight loss to a whole new level.

It has helped thousands of my overweight readers shed as many as 4 pounds in a week, all without the stress of extra dieting or working out (from what they already did).

Instead, it involves exercises that:

My new Weight Loss Breeze Program is incredibly efficient, yet so simple that it won’t get in the way of your other daily activities.

If you’re already enjoying a good diet and exercise regimen, then it’s even better—the new Weight Loss Breeze Program will fit right in.

Enjoy a healthier lifestyle and watch as this program multiplies the results of your current weight-loss regime. No sweat.

I’ve witnessed, time and again, that my new Weight Loss Breeze Program has helped my readers:

I’m sure you’ve never heard about permanent results when it comes to losing weight. But in this case it looks like that’s the reality.

The exercises focus on releasing the muscles that control the breathing process, so people basically breath more efficiently for the rest of their life.

Many readers have told me they even kept on losing all that extra weight long after they stopped doing the exercises. Because their bodies have been retrained to breathe effectively and oxygenate every cell in the body for the most effective burning process

It’s like learning to bike, once you’ve learned it, you never forget it.

I’m so thoroughly convinced that my new weight loss method will help you that I’m giving it to you risk-free…

If you’re not totally thrilled with the Weight Loss Breeze Program, e-mail me any time within 8 weeks and I’ll refund your order… ASAP! Simple and sweet.

This is by far the simplest, yet most effective method I’ve ever found for losing weight and getting into healthy shape.

You’ll train your breathing passages to breath effectively around the clock. Once you’ve done that, you’ll get enough oxygen into your system forever.

That’s how slim people do it.

The final decision is yours. Click the link below and order the Weight Loss Breeze Program now.

PS: Finally, let me share with you what other customers recently wrote me after trying the simple Weight Loss Breeze exercises:

Size 12 to size 6, one size a week. I ate in restaurants throughout the six weeks of my weight loss and was never hungry. I loved this program!

Before I tried your program, I had tried losing weight on my own, through exercise and portion control, but I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted. I was surprised at how quickly the pounds came off with the weight loss breeze program. Thank you Christian.

Jane Has him Calgary, Canada

This was a life-changing thing for me. I love the feeling I get with your simple exercises.

I have lost about 50 lbs since I started my exercise program. In the beginning I only used the basic exercises but after a few weeks I felt so great that I now do all the exercises in your program daily. And LOVE them.

I feel younger, healthier and have more self-confident.

Pam LeBlanc Baltimore, Maryland

Although I was skeptical, I bought your program online February 12th 2008. By April of 2008, I had lost 63.75 lbs.

I used your oxygen exercises in combination with a simple diet + walking outside for fifteen minutes three times a week.

The strange thing is, I don’t feel like overeating anymore and I can sense how much deeper and comfortable my breathing is. Is that normal?

Fred Gray Darwin, Australia

I have used your program almost daily since we received it in January. It was major reason that I lost 30 lbs in 3 months and have maintained the weight loss over the last 3 months. What’s more, it was easy!

Linn Rogan Daleville, Alabama

I find it amazing that when I started out with your program I was the typical “couch potato” and now actually enjoy getting up in the morning and going for a walk. I wake up happy, am boosting with energy and finally love to look into a mirror. It feels great!

I almost didn’t buy your program and when I did, I almost didn’t start working it. Thank goodness I gave it a chance. It made such a difference for me! The program was easy and I was never hungry. I am now off ALL my blood pressure and cholesterol medication. I feel and look terrific. Thank you Christian, you saved my life in every way a man could save somebody’s life.

ClickBank is the retailer of products on this site. CLICKBANK® is a registered trademark of Click Sales, Inc., a Delaware corporation located at 917 S. Lusk Street, Suite 200, Boise Idaho, 83706, USA and used by permission. ClickBank’s role as retailer does not constitute an endorsement, approval or review of these products or any claim, statement or opinion used in promotion of these products. Disclaimer: The website’s content and the product for sale is based upon the author’s opinion and is provided solely on an “AS IS” and “AS AVAILABLE” basis. You should do your own research and confirm the information with other sources when searching for information regarding health issues and always review the information carefully with your professional health care provider before using any of the protocols presented on this website and/or in the product sold here. Neither ClickBank nor the author are engaged in rendering medical or similar professional services or advice via this website or in the product, and the information provided is not intended to replace medical advice offered by a physician or other licensed healthcare provider. You should not construe ClickBank’s sale of this product as an endorsement by ClickBank of the views expressed herein, or any warranty or guarantee of any strategy, recommendation, treatment, action, or application of advice made by the author of the product.

Click here to get Weight Loss Breeze cb | Blue Heron Health News at discounted price while it’s still available…

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delwray-blog · 6 years ago

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PHARISEEISM IS A JEWISH SYSTEM DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED TO CHRISTIANITY

"The Jewish religion as it is today traces its descent, without a break, through all the centuries, from the Pharisees."

Phariseeism is a Jewish System diametrically opposed to Christianity while on the other hand, a Pharisee can be either a Jew or a Christian. Phariseeism is Judaism! Any Christian can be a Pharisee and for that matter, there is a little Pharisee in all of us. For the sake of this paper, I choose to put the emphasis on the Christian and the Pharisee produced from his fallen nature. Modern Day Phariseeism

“Ye are of your FATHER THE DEVIL, and the lust of your father ye will do.” John 8:44 “…ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the CHILD OF HELL than yourselves.” Matt. 23:15 “The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God. They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one.” Psalms 14:2-3 By Pastor Del Wray

Actors of Spirituality I make no apology for the way I write and characterize the false pharisaical attitudes found in our churches and in our Baptist ranks today as is true of every period in God’s dealings with man and human nature. If you love God’s Word, you ought to have a genuine righteous indignation and hatred for what God hates. “Through thy precepts I get understanding: therefore I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:104 “Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way.” Ps. 119:124 Are we on the same plain, on the same page or do you think it is wrong to attack another’s religion? Is this your case, or has the fear of man kept you in a spiritual stronghold? Now that you’ve noticed the negative aspects of much of God’s Word. If you love that which is “pure” God’s Word, you will “...Abhor that which is evil…” Rom. 12:9. Sadly, the majority of Christians refuse to accept the duality of God majoring on his positive side and neglecting His negative. Right on His love and wrong on His hatred! God is love but He is also a God of hatred. Man’s failure to distinguish between the two opens him up to all kinds of Phariseeism! The “act” or “show” of spirituality is Phariseeism. A Pharisee is an actor, one who goes through life acting out the Christians life. He well could be the super-spiritual Christian demonstrating his religious practice or the one practically performing his religious commitments or duties. It’s that person who looks just like a Christian, sounds like a Christian, has all the right friends, talks the talk, walks the walk, always carrying his KJB and letting you know how strong his belief in it is, shouts the loudest, preaches how great the “love of God” is wanting you to know he is a King James Bible authority, prompt in every service, giving liberally to those in need, tithing and active in all the programs of the church. The religious sect known as the Pharisee’s is today's "Judaism" and still exists as it did when Christ was here on earth, but in different forms. Its philosophy, way of life, views, and attitude is more apparent than ever. Jesus in the strongest terms warned against this way of thinking in Matthew 23. “But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in,” Matt. 23:13. “Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity,” Matt. 23:28. It was the pharisaical attitude that crucified Jesus Christ and had the Apostles martyred. The Apostle Paul struggled with Phariseeism. Phariseeism, as I am defining it in this context, signifies fixation with external religious practices and confidence in one’s own performance; such fixation replaces authentic confidence in God and trusts in His Word as the basis for one’s salvation and the more abundant life walking with Jesus Christ. I remember God telling me when just a teenage that He would never leave me or forsake me, promising to be with me in life an even in death waiting to carry me over home. And what a relationship we have had! How foolish to go through life with the wrong views and the wrong understanding and miss out on a personal friendship with Jesus? They told me, when a kid, I would never amount to anything for God, and as I look back over the years I must admit they were right. Jesus made all the difference though because the relationship that was formed between He and me made an “ordinary boy’s life turned into an extraordinary life for God.” They don’t know the half of it, I wish they only knew! Back to my purpose for this treaty, human nature wicked as it is, has never changed and it is deceptive as ever. We are more apt to let ourselves be deceived than to deceive another. Many of you remember the day George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama was shot he was a candidate for the president of the US. Unfortunately, he wound up spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Incredible life for the man who stood at the entrance of the University of Alabama when the Federal Government was forcing integration on the all-white colleges in America. Wallace’s last words were, “segregation today, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever.” The irony of the shooting was the man in the crowd that shot him was dressed as one of his supporters. He was shouting as if they were friends and shot him at point-blank range. Far worse than George Wallace’s shooting is the murder of innocent souls by those exhibiting the pharisaical attitude and its lifestyle? The Devil will do anything to keep a soul from coming to Christ. The Devil uses all religions to keep souls from recognizing their true condition “lost, helpless and hopeless.” without a relationship with Jesus Christ. “…we shall be saved by His life.” It is the relationship that makes all the difference not the practical side of the Christian’s experiences. In Paul’s day, certain religious leaders were getting inside the hearts and minds of Christians and getting them to move away from relational trust in Christ to confidence in the flesh. These religious leaders were seeking to convince Gentile Christians that faith plus circumcision equals salvation. For Paul, these religious leaders’ demand that Gentile Christians be circumcised signified the mutilation of relational trust. We find Paul discussing this problem and providing a response in Philippians 3:1-21. I doubt many Gentile Christians today are debating whether or not to be circumcised to make sure they are saved. How about those who demand baptism? However, we often struggle with a more subtle form of performance-based spirituality expressed through a certain kind of Christian work ethic. I wonder what Paul would have made of those attempts to assure ourselves of our salvation and adequacy as Christians through our spiritual performances and forms of religious proficiency or duties? Performance-based spirituality is nothing new. “Faith plus circumcision” is simply an old form of it. The age-old problem of performance and capacity-based spirituality vs. relational spirituality is alive and well. Forms of performance or capacity-based spirituality are more subtle today, though they are always relatively easy to measure. Too often our approach to spiritual formation is a series of “cut and paste” activities. We start with a “sanitized” view of the gospel and then we attempt to “match” our living to that. This ignores the depth and complexity of life and breeds a static, performance-oriented spirituality of having all your “ducks in a row.” Performance-based spirituality often manifests itself in discussions of strong Christian leaders. For all his strength in Christ, Paul was weak, intentionally so, as we find in 1 Corinthians 2:2; 11-12. Paul did not succumb to the attempt to find his confidence in the power of his personality and strength as a leader. A preacher friend wrote this way, “Mind you, I have always secretly desired to be a “strong man;” but the longer I look at scripture, I just don’t see it. We don’t see the kingdom going forward on the coattails of “Great Men,” but on the bloody despised backs of men like Paul, who was a weak abominable person.” Certainly, Paul could have played the game of performance-based spirituality. After all, he had a reason for unparalleled confidence in the flesh. Consider what he writes in his critique of Christian Phariseeism: “Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe. Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. For we are the circumcision, which worships God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,” Philippians 3:1-8 Though Paul could have boasted in his flesh, we find in verse seven and following that he places his confidence in Christ. After all, those who trust in Christ are circumcised of heart. They are the true circumcision, according to Paul: “For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.” Philippians 3:3, This was no academic debate for Paul. One needs to keep in mind that the leaders Paul is challenging here were moving about in churches. They were not outsiders. In fact, they were master performers inside church walls. I need to be on guard that I am not someone who is guilty of advocating forms of religion that involve boasting in the flesh and that inspired Paul’s cutting critique. We all need to be on guard against boasting in our spiritual performances rather than Christ. So, how shall we proceed? Shall it be from inability to ability to expertise? No, but by considering everything a loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord. It involves discounting a righteousness that comes from boasting in this or that law and counting on a righteousness that comes through relational trust in Christ. Such trust involves forgetting what lies behind us by way of our performance and pressing forward in Christ in view of his performance on our behalf Philippians 3:7-14. In place of proceeding from inability to ability to expertise, we need to proceed by way of responding to Christ’s initiative and provision of His life and repenting and daily being renewed. As Oliver B Green wrote, “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, “Repent” Matt. 4:17, He willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance” Such repentance does not mean less work, but more work, the work of faith. The circumcised of heart will not fall back and coast; rather, they will run hard to the finish line to take hold of the one who has taken hold of them Philippians 3:12-14. They will work harder than anyone, yet without boasting in themselves. After all, as Jesus told another Pharisee, those who are forgiven much love much and those which are forgiven little love little Luke 7:47. Or as that former Pharisee Paul wrote, “And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.” “For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God, I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain, but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. Therefore whether it was I or they, so we preach, and so ye believed” 1 Cor. 15:8-11. How confident in Christ’s love are we who confess Christ? What are ways that we struggle with performance-based spirituality today in your estimation? What recommendations might you have to move us from placing confidence in our performance to placing confidence in Christ’s performance of the faith on our behalf? How might we encourage one another in view of Christ’s love to live out the faith so that God’s grace toward us is not in vain but bears relational fruit? Jesus did not only die on the cross because He loved us, He died because of His hatred for sin and for the unrepentant sinner’s pharisaical attitude of rejection. “It's hard to believe that someone would die in the place of a good man, but Christ went the extra mile and died for the ungodly. And that is exactly the point of God's love. That sin and ungodliness were so repulsive to God. That He would rather die than let us keep living like that. That Hell was so horrible that He rather die than let us go there” Romans 5:6-10. “And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased, and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.” Matt. 23:12 “Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?” Matt. 23:33

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