#POV: Ellen Fraser

[thewhitelady]

One Quote, One Shot Book 2

This was a very interesting challenge! I thought I knew where I would probably go, what inspiration I would use, before I got my quote but once I got it everything changed. I never write in first person, I find it very difficult so my quote being in first person really forced me to think outside the box. It was fun to explore my ability to switch my mind from thinking in third person and I won’t deny I had to go back and change ‘her’ to ‘my’ a few times lol 

This One Quote, One Shot takes place in my Storyteller universe. If you’ve never read it that’s okay, it’s a collection of short stories so you don’t need to. If you want, you can read them after on Ao3. 

You’ll see my assigned quote in bold italics in the story below. Props to @notevenjokingfic and @balfeheughlywed for organizing! Enjoy!

----------

The first time I saw his face was in a dream. He was standing in a wood, tall and lean. Though surrounded by a sea of faces, he was staring up at the sky as though having a quiet conversation with the old Gods. I’d never seen him before that moment but he was familiar to me. After all, he had my husband’s eyes and though it was dark and hazy in the dream world, I was sure his hair was red. 

I knew we’d already met that dark night in the wood when he finally came into the world after a long, difficult labour. I was certain I was not going to make it through the pain; but finally, after 32 hours of labour and 45 minutes of pushing, he appeared just after the sun broke free of the horizon on a warm spring morning and was everything I had hoped for. Soft, red fuzz on his head and the same slanted blue eyes I’d seen gazing at the stars. 

He was a quiet baby for the most part, but his appetite was voracious. He suckled at my breast so hungrily that I first suspected he wasn’t getting enough but it soon became clear to me, from the firmness of his full belly and the milk smeared cheeks as he drifted off into a milk-drunk sleep that he was simply as anxious to grow as I was to keep him this small forever. 

I always knew he was special and I did everything I could to hold him close to me and protect him from the world. Others told me I needed to let him go, to not tie a boy so close to his mother as he aged lest he not be desirable to a wife someday. I knew what was out there though, what awaited him, so I told all the naysayers that until the day he told me himself that he didn’t need me, I would be there.

Mothers and fathers aren’t meant to have favourite children but I don’t believe there’s a mother who doesn’t secretly have one deep down. It was assumed that as a mother to a daughter, I would have connected best with her but he was my favourite. On nights that I struggled to find sleep, I found solace in simply watching him. I would brush back the soft red curls that fell across his forehead and revel in the way the corner of his mouth lifted into the most lovely smile. 

As he grew older, he did begin to pull away from me, to start forging his own path through life, but he always returned. We would lay in the tall grass together on warm summer nights, looking at the stars I’d seen him appreciating in my dream all those years ago. While his father would teach him how to find his way in the dark using the night sky as a guide, I’d tell him the stories of the great philosophers and astronomers and about the atlas of the constellations. 

In the days before his 10th birthday, my husband reminded me that our sweet son needed to put away his childish notions of life. He needed to solve his own problems and not turn to me each time the world did him wrong. I wish I’d known then that I’d never have the opportunity to watch him grow into a man. That I would be gone from his life long before he first felt a tug on his heartstrings for a woman and even longer before he would hold his own children and grandchildren in his arms the same way I had held him. Had I known, I would have let him go sooner, in case it could in any way have softened the pain of my death. 

In the last moments of my life, I found myself back in the dream, staring at the red-haired man with my husband’s eyes, lit by the stars and the shine of the moon. The same people shuffled to and fro around him, smiling and laughing though I couldn’t hear their words. They stopped to give him their regards and he returned them with a nod but always found his way back to the constellations.

As I moved toward him I realized he was speaking to a babe lying quietly in his arms. I had to strain to make out his voice, but beneath the fog of my dream I could hear him telling a tale of Orion the hunter, son of Poseidon. He shifted to rest, taking a seat upon a fallen log next to the fire and I followed, sitting down nearby and turned my gaze to the sky above. 

“These are the stories my Mam told me when I was but a wee lad,” he said softly to the baby in his arms. “Your great-grannie as it were. She would have loved you, Jeremiah. As I do.”

I turned to face him, then, and smiled at him, across the body of the child. The night was dark and cold, alive with people all around but there was nothing where we sat but light and warmth - and each other.

[outlanderpromptexchange]

OUTLANDER PROMPT EXCHANGE: ONE-SHOTS

Welcome to the Outlander Prompt Exchange: One-Shot Challenge, a fandom event designed to be quick, simple and something new(ish) to help get us through another month of Droughtlander. The rules are simple: be kind and patient with both yourself and others... and get creative! ♥

1 - 7 SEPTEMBER 2020: PROMPT EXCHANGE

SUBMIT A CLAIM: From the 1st of September readers and writers alike are invited to submit a prompt via the blog’s inbox. This month’s theme, one-shots, is quite broad and it only follows that prompts can be too! This means any character, relationship, scenario, location, quote, etc. are eligible so long as they are (or can be) Outlander-related. Submit a prompt now! 

CLAIM A PROMPT: Prompts are available to be claimed from the Prompt Masterlist below at any time. Simply send a message via the blog’s inbox with the prompt # and it’s yours! Note: each prompt can only be claimed once and will be allocated on a ‘first in first served’ basis. Claim a prompt now!

8 - 30 SEPTEMBER 2020: PUBLICATION

PUBLISH A ONE-SHOT: From the 8th of September through to the end of the month writers can publish their work at any time and in any space. Please remember to use #OutlanderPromptExchange where possible, tag @outlanderpromptexchange​ and/or send through a link so that we may also share your work.  

Do you still have questions? FAQ available here!

PROMPT MASTERLIST

1.  Jamie and Claire are hippies who met at Woodstock.

2.  Student Exchange - High school student Claire comes to stay with the Fraser family for 6 weeks while Jenny goes to stay with the Beauchamp family in Oxford.

3. Fake Relationship AU: Jamie Fraser wants to formally adopt his foster son Fergus but his application isn’t likely to get approved... unless he’s married and/or in a committed relationship. Enter one Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp (Randall?).  claimed by @underthewingsofthblackeagle​

4. The first time Fergus and Marsali meet

5. I’m Concerned for her brother’s welfare Jenny pushes Jamie to leave Lallybroch\Scotland after Culloden. Where does Jamie (and Fergus?) go? What do they do?

6. Imagine Claire only promised to return to the 20th century and to see their baby safe. What if Claire refused to promise to go back to Frank? What if Claire successfully argued that she couldn’t promise to return to Frank because she has no way of knowing Frank’s circumstance after 3 years or if he will even take her back. Will Claire make different choices as a result?

7. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

8. To the victor the spoils.

9. Haste ye back claimed by @jamiemackenziefraser​

10. Cruel is the snow that sweeps Glencoe.

11. Adso to the rescue!

12. Jemmy copies his Granda.

13. Ghost 👻

14. Physician, heal thyself.

15. Tall tale.

16. Karma’s a bitch.

17. Imagine BJR does not travel to Paris. There is no duel. There is no pardon.

18. What if Simon MacKimmie had survived prison?

19. Brianna Ellen Beauchamp 

20. In A. Malcolm, Jamie was surprised to find out he had a daughter named Brianna... imagine if Claire had actually given birth to twins.

21. Upon returning to the 20th century and searching frantically for evidence that Jamie survived, what if Claire begged Mrs Graham to read her palm/tea leaves again. What does Mrs Graham see?

22. A pickpocket named Claudel. Imagine Fergus writes a book of his adventures.

23. In 1x01 Jamie’s ghost is looking up at Claire through the window. What was Jamie thinking as he stood there?

24. ‘We thought you were dead until we received your chest from castle Leoch’ -- Lallybroch, Season One. Imagine Jenny’s reaction to discovering her brother is still alive.

25. Kid Fic! Claire goes through the stones as a young child (or teenager).

26. More of Jamie POV pre, during and/or post wedding.

27. Coffee, tea or me?

28. Courage under fire.

29. Whilst in Paris Claire tells Jamie, Fergus and Murtagh the story of The Three Musketeers.

30. Murtagh hates the thought of Jocasta marrying anyone but him. A sudden proposal leads to Jamie and Claire witnessing a secret and romantic handfasting. 💕

31. Imagine an AU where Frank only tolerates Brianna. He’s not cruel just indifferent and emotionally unavailable. Will Claire stay? Go? Overcompensate?

32. Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening....

33. Penance

34. Sixth sense: Brianna has ‘the sight’ and knows much more than Claire and Frank realise. What if Brianna is asked to give Claire a message? What is the message and who sends it?

[scotsmanandsassenach]

OUTLANDER FAN FICTION: Murtagh

Here is an enjoyably long list of stories featuring Outlander’s one and only Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser! If you have written or know of a Murtagh-centric story (or moment) that’s not on this list please DM or comment below - there‘s no such thing as too much fanfic to read! SANDS x 

After Culloden by @phoenixflames12

Weakened by fever, Jamie struggles to come to terms with the loss of Claire and the child and the fact that despite his best efforts, he is still alive.

All It Takes by @lenny9987 for @imagineclaireandjamie

Prompt: Imagine the conversation in S4 between Jamie and Murtagh when he tells his godfather about his second marriage.

An Ardsmuir Man Found by @lenny9987 for @imagineclaireandjamie

Prompt: Would love to see Marsali and Fergus finding Murtagh and bring him and the baby home to Jamie and Claire. The old and the new x

An Extended Stay At River Run by cantletitgo

The moments immediately following the season 4 finale (if you haven’t watched it, there are spoilers in this work!)

Before Light by @westerhos

Murtagh comforts Jamie after Faith’s death.

Can’t Do it For Her by @lenny9987 for @imagineclaireandjamie

Prompt: Hiya! I was wondering if there could be any Murtagh POV from first book/season? Related to either Jamie’s, Claire’s or both’s actions or circumstances? Thanks!

Cross That Line by MooseDeEvita

While traveling from town to town to lure Jamie back to them, Murtagh and Claire turn to each other for physical comfort. After all, confessions of lost love go so well with an ocean view and a sky full of stars. A bit of a deleted scene in episode 14 “The Search” after they hug in the cave by the sea.

Every Breath by thatsoccercoach

��It was there with every breath.”

Explaining Geneva by @renee-writer

A missing scene from Blood of my Blood where Jamie explains what happened with Geneva to Murtagh.

Faith’s Story by Judybrandtner

Murtagh tells Faith the story of the night she was born.

For Love by @redstarfiction

Imagining a conversation between Murtagh and Jamie before the wedding when Murtagh realises his God-Son is in love with the Sassenach.

Guardian Scotsman by @writtenthroughtime

Prompt: What about a story about Claire as a child or a teenager and somehow gets raised by Murtagh?

Hold On by @abreathofsnowandwaffles

“Frank and Jamie are two very different men, but I can tell ye, they both loved ye. Jamie loved ye so much- he sent yer mam back to him, to see ye safe. He was willing to give up his life so ye stood a chance.”

Hope in Change by @lenny9987 for @imagineclaireandjamie

Prompt: Imagine that the first significant person Bree meets in the colonies is Murtagh. It is through Bree that Murtagh finds out that Claire and Jamie are also in the colonies. What if it was Murtagh rather than Lizzie who witnessed Roger being a bit rough with Bree through the window that day?

In This Together by Awilding

During their search to find Jamie, an untimely encounter compels Claire and Murtagh to return to the caves to seek refuge. Their pursuit interrupted, Claire and Murtagh’s companionship is put to the test as they must rely on each other to make it through several days of considerable challenges. Set within the 14th episode of Season 1, “The Search”.

Just the Same by @bonnie-wee-swordsman for @imagineclaireandjamie

A short Murtagh POV from 1x07 during the scene in the stables with Jamie.

Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door by @abreathofsnowandwaffles​

Murtagh finds his way up to Fraser’s Ridge and is greeted by a family of *three* Frasers.

Laying Just Vengeance by @gotham-ruaidh for @imagineclaireandjamie

Imagine Murtagh’s thoughts as he saves Jamie at Culloden

Murtagh and Rebecca’ Fraser by @renee-writer

Murtagh and Rebecca’s courtship and marriage from the Marine universe. A sweet and fluff end to the story.

Murtagh on the Ridge AU by @lenny9987 for @imagineclaireandjamie

If Murtagh survived Culloden and wound up on the Ridge with Jamie and Claire and company.

Now You’re The Outlander by orphan_account

Reader travels back in time from 2016 to 1744 and is found by Claire, Jamie, Murtagh and Fergus. The Reader and Murtagh develop a relationship but it doesn’t start off very well…

Only Hope by @magnoliasinbloom

‘The dank prison cell rustled and heaved slightly with the coughs and snores and groans of its inmates. Jamie tugged the rough blanket tighter around his shoulders, turning to face the heat of the peat fire.’

Other Grandfather Tales by AbbyDebeaupre for @otheroutlandertales

OOT explores the fairy tales and Scottish stories for children Jamie Fraser may have used for Grandfather Tales.

Peace by @bonnie-wee-swordsman

A very, very short moment from Murtagh’s Death at Culloden.

Playing After Bedtime by thatsoccercoach

Faith gets up after bedtime to play with Murtagh.

Reborn by @xlisaleinx

“Ellen?“ he whispered. Her name sounded strange in his ears; he hadn’t uttered it out loud for many a decade, and yet his tongue still remembered the way to form the syllables, calling her picture to him until he could see her as clear as day, as if she was standing right in front of him.

Sir Prize by thatsoccercoach

Murtagh tells a story.

Sit Still by @lenny9987

Brianna wants to paint Murtagh’s portrait but it proves a more difficult task than she anticipated. Part of my Living It Up at Lallybroch AU series.

The Astronaut and the Lepidopterist by thatsoccercoach

Faith has a school project requiring her to find out what her family members wanted to be when they grew up.

The Gorilla Dance by Judybrandtner

Faith and Brianna Fraser have a new obsession and they want to share it with Murtagh.

The Horizon by @lenny9987

Gaps In Canon: The morning of the battle of Culloden finds Murtagh watching the horizon and waiting for Jamie to return from Craigh na Dun.

The Knife by @whiskynottea for @otheroutlandertales

Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser is asked to craft a knife and finds love in the new world.

The River Runs Again by @whiskynottea for @otheroutlandertales

After so many years with his life chained to another man’s fate, Murtagh was free again.

The Son He’d Never Have by @akb723  

Anon asked: “I wonder what Murtagh was thinking when he was watching Jamie and Claire the first time saw each other in their wedding finery outside the church and during the vow?”

The Storyteller by @thewhitelady

A collection of shorts, taking place during Jamie’s youth.

The Truth of You by Devildream69

When two people who’ve learnt the hard way what life could do to a person, find each other again- the inevitable happens. The truth of them becomes the only thing that matters.

To Sway a Heart by @lenny9987 for @imagineclaireandjamie

Can you imagine: Jamie’s reaction straight after Claire teases him about kissing Laoghaire, maybe brooding on it by himself or talking about it in a roundabout way with Murtagh? Maybe him deciding to do something about it? 

Two Red Hens by @written-rebellion

An open letter from Murtagh to his dearly departed… (aka the au where everything is okay and nothing went wrong ever)

White Roses of Scotland by behzaintfunny

December, 1754. Ardsmuir prison. James Fraser is constantly surrounded by hundreds of people, yet more alone than ever. There appears to only be a single light in the everlasting darkness, however faint it may be.

Whither Thou Goest by fardareismai for @imagineclaireandjamie

I was wondering I always thought it was sad that Murtagh never got to meet Brianna so maybe you could do a story about Murtagh being alive when Bree came to Fraser’s Ridge

[scapegrace74-blog]

Saorsa, Chapters 17 and 18

A/N  Here is the next installment of Saorsa.  I’ve combined two chapters, because Chapter 17 is very short, and the two chapters are linked, only told in the alternating Jamie/Claire POV of the entire story.   This time, it’s Jamie’s turn to divulge a secret.

Rather than link to all previously posted chapters, I’ll just direct those of you wanting to catch up on your Saorsa-reading to my AO3 page, where the fic is posted in its entirety.

Thank you to each of you liking and reblogging!  It does my little fanfic writer’s heart good.

It was long past time to do something he’d been putting off since he first regained consciousness and realized that he had somehow leapt forward through time to a Lallybroch that was no longer his family’s estate.

There was a dusting of snow on the ground, and large, lazy flakes fell from a steel grey sky.  He slipped once, climbing the low hill in the pasture beyond the stables, and swore fluently in Gaelic.  His back still ached, but it was his lack of strength and endurance that truly bothered him.  Accustomed to ruddy physical vigour, it hurt his pride to be a mere onlooker in the day-to-day labour about the estate.

There were trees growing up through the ancient dry-stone walls.  The whole hillside had a forgotten, neglected air, but he would know the place blind-folded.   He knelt in front of the largest gravestone and began peeling moss away from its chilled, damp surface.

“Halo da.  Halo mam.  Is e mise a th ’ann.”

Brian and Ellen Fraser had lain in this earth for more than two hundred years, but he could still remember his father’s hearty laugh, his mother’s sweet smile.  The pain of losing them at a young age was still as fresh as the pink scars on his back.

He wished they could reach through the veil and guide him, just one last time.

In a few weeks, he would be fully recovered.  He’d read voraciously since Claire laid her late husband’s library at his disposal.  He knew what happened to the Scots who had supported the true king in the aftermath of Culloden.  Treason charges.  Imprisonment.  Death from a thousand petty hardships.  And for those who survived, the slow decay of their language, their customs, their very way of living.  Here in 1942 he saw only the softest echo of his culture, of the places and people he called home.

He longed to return to his time and to his remaining family, back through the stones on Craig na Dunn and back into the story he had been writing for himself since he was a young lad.  It felt dishonest to live on this estate that was no longer his, comfortable and well-fed, while back in 1746 Scotland was suffering.

But what would it serve, to return to certain bondage?  And who was he to say that the stones would send him back to his time?  He had carried with him from a young age a sense that he was meant for some larger purpose, that he had been forged for something bigger than sheer existence.  Surely it wasn’t merely to add his name to the list of Scotland’s glorious dead, moldering away in those dusty tomes he spent his days poring over.   Lallybroch’s history was already written, and it ended with the estate in the hands of a bonnie pregnant Sassenach widow carrying the child of his tormenter’s descendent.

He tried to clear his mind, to listen for words of wisdom whispered from beyond the grave.

None came.

He dashed at his eyes as tears of frustration welled up.  And then he began to pray.

By the time he rose, knees stiff and cold from kneeling in the snow, he knew what he must do.

Tha toil Dhè air a dhèanamh.

***

She muttered a stream of curses under her breath as snow crested the tops of her boots and spilled inside, puddling around her stockinged feet.

“Has no-one e’er remarked to ye that ye swear like a sailor, Sassenach?” Jamie said, pulling her uphill by her chilled hand.

“I only swear when provoked, you bloody bastard.  What could be so important that it couldn’t wait for me to don my gloves?  Or for spring, for that matter?”

Jamie didn’t respond, but he had the same nervous hum of anticipation that had glowed around him for days now.   When he’d suggested they take a very unseasonable walk in the snow, she’d gone with him purely in the hope that she might glean some clue to his strange mood.   It wasn’t the despondency of his earliest days at Lallybroch.  At strange moments, she caught him looking at her as though trying to solve some arcane riddle written on the lines of her face.   It wasn’t a lascivious glance, but it warmed her insides all the same.

Finally they came to a halt in an old graveyard she hadn’t known existed.  There was a stillness about the place that held all her inquiries at bay.

“I have a strange tale tae tell ye, Sassenach, and I want ye tae hear me through afore ye speak.   Can ye promise me that?”

She nodded, suddenly apprehensive what he was about to say would break her heart.

He knelt by a gravestone and dusted off its covering of snow.  Taking a deep breath of frosty air, he began to talk.

“Brian Robert David Fraser met Ellen Mackenzie at a Mackenzie clan gathering in 1716.   She was promised tae Malcolm Grant, but instead the pair snuck out of Castle Leoch t’gether in the ded of night.   Their first bairn, William, was born nine months hence, and by then the Mackenzie were resigned tae the union, e’en though Brian was only the base born son of auld Lord Lovat.  It was a love match, and they were verra happy t’gether.  A daughter, Janet, followed.  And eventually, another son.   James.   James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser.”

She gasped but didn’t dare speak.

Jamie continued with his story, seemingly speaking to himself, lost in reminiscence.  It was an unfathomably detailed tale of childhood memories and family lore, and she found herself caught up in the web of words he was weaving, not stopping to question how they could possibly be true.

He spoke of his mother’s untimely death, of growing into a young man surrounded by the bucolic familiarity of home.  About the burden of being the son of a lesser laird with no fortune.   Going overseas as a mercenary, first for the Dutch and later for the French crown.  Coming home to find the English abusing their power over the Highland Scots, being fostered to his Uncle Dougal, a committed Jacobite, and his father’s sudden passing.  Feeling adrift, without the firm anchor of home, and enlisting in the Catholic cause.   Fighting bravely at Prestonpans and being awarded a position of tacksman in the Jacobite army.  Leading mere boys and undisciplined farmers into battle, knowing that the Scottish position at Culloden was unwinnable, but being willing to lay down his life for the cause of seeing his country free of English tyranny.   Waking as a prisoner.  The unbearable pain of his torture at the hands of a nameless Redcoat officer.  His escape.  Fleeing blindly at dawn and collapsing near death at the feet of a circle of standing stones.  A magical place, left over from the time of the Old Ones.  And then, silence…

She came back to herself as though waking from a profound sleep.  Frozen tears crusted her lashes.

“Do ye believe me, Claire?” he asked, voice broken and unsure.

She had no rational framework on which to measure his truthfulness, so she listened to her heart.  It told her that this man had no conceivable reason to invent such an incredible story.  It told her that the passion and homesickness that had travelled over his face as he spoke could not be manufactured.   It told her that there was a fundamental truthfulness about Jamie.  It told her, above all, that this was the reason for his voiceless, stoic suffering in the weeks since he’d awoken at Lallybroch.

“Murtagh…” she whispered.

“Aye, Murtagh knows.  I dinna ken what I said in my fever, but he ‘ad all sorts of strange questions when I woke.  He harkens from the Isle of Lewis, ye ken, and he… weel… he’s a believer in the Old Ways, in the po’er of those stones.”

They crouched there in the snow next to a forgotten grave for so long her muscles cramped.  She stared at her bare hands, twisting the gold wedding band Frank had placed on her finger in endless circles.  There was little noise, except the occasional bough of fir releasing its burden to the ground.

Jamie finally stood stiffly and offered his hand.  “Come, yer cold.  I’ll see ye back to the house.”  There was resignation in his tone, and in the set of his shoulders.

She rose but did not move nor release his hand.

“Tell me again about the stones,” she requested.

He hesitated, then described again the ring of standing stones at the top of the hill called Craig na Dunn.

“They beckoned tae me.  I dinna ken how else tae say it.  I was more than half ded, but I remember a hum, a force, like… like a tide that pulls ye out tae sea.”

“And then?”

“And then, nothin’.  Next I kent, I was ‘wakening in the laird’s room at Lallybroch, seein’ ye watch o’er me.”

She blushed, remembering that strangely intimate moment of looking at, and then into, Jamie’s Delft blue eyes for the first time.

“Do ye believe me, Claire?” he asked again, pleading with those same inexorable eyes.

“Yes, Jamie.  Yes, I believe you.”

His relief was so great he stumbled forward on watery legs, catching himself just as he fell into her embrace.  Holding her there, in front of his parents’ graves, he drew his first deep breath in what felt like ages.

“Does this mean… that you’ll be leaving?  Is that why you’ve told me?”  She trembled in reaction.

“Nah, Sassenach.  I willna say it didna cross my mind, and Murtagh offered to bring me back tae Craig na Dunn once I was healed.”

He pulled back to look into her upturned face, pale and hopeful, with eyes so deep they trapped his soul.

“But I couldna go.  All tha’ awaits me in my own time is violence and death.  Here, wi’ ye, I feel useful.  Needed.  When I traveled through the stones, they burned away all my yesterdays, but this is a fine place tae build my t’morrows.  If ye’ll permit me tae stay, that is.”

She gave him another quick hug before releasing him.

“Of course.  I wouldn’t know what to do without you, James Fraser.”

They grinned at one another and slowly began to make their way down the hill towards the estate.  Neither seemed in a hurry to release the other’s hand.

“Jamie?” she asked as they approached the stables.

“Aye, Sassenach?”

“What made you tell me?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m humbled you trusted me enough to do so.  But…”

He paused in the snowy meadow and glanced upward, as though looking for an answer in the overcast sky.

“Nevermind,” she hastened to say.  “Your reasons are your own, of course.”

“I ken what ye’er asking me, Sassenach.  I’m only searching fer the words tae explain.”  After several moments, he went on, “Have ye e’er passed a day so bonnie and blue that God ‘imself must be smilin’ o’er yer shoulder?”  At her nod, he continued, “And yet all the while ye ken that if ye dinna honour tha’ day by bein’ the best version of yerself, it would disappear wi’ the wind, aye?  There’s a truthfulness between us Sassenach, I believe, and I dinna want tae break it, by no’ tellin’ ye who I really am.”

Claire mulled over this declaration as they returned to the main house.  Before they parted to their respective chores, she had one final thought on the matter.

“I never could have predicted what you shared with me today, Jamie.  And I’m sure I’ll have more questions, with time.  But on one point I’m absolutely certain.   Nothing that you’ve told me or will ever tell me could change my opinion of who you truly are.”

***

Halo da.  Halo mam.  Is e mise a th ’ann. - Hello Dad. Hello Mom. It's me.

Tha toil Dhè air a dhèanamh. - God's will be done.

[xlisaleinx]

This episode was the missing link.

Ep. 3x05 is completely different from what we’ve seen so far - because it’s from Claire’s/Bree’s POV only. We don’t get to see any glimpses into Jamie’s life this week. And still, this is definitely one of my favourite episodes this season so far. If not my favourite. Why? Because, to me, it was the missing link. On so many levels. It was so important.

Claire’s emotional roller coaster ride

Contrary to the book, we get to see an honest portrayal of a woman facing a life-altering dilemma. The decision to go back always seemed rushed to me in Voyager. Of course there is an almost irresistible urge, a magnetic force drawing Claire back to Jamie, but she also has roots and responsibilities in the 20th century, especially when it comes to her child. And, most of all, she „shut the door on the past“, as she explains herself, and the spark of hope nearly broke her. So there’s also a strong self-protective mechanism in force. So, even if deep down she made the decision the second she learned about Roger’s discovery, I’m glad beyond measure that they chose to show it as a slow process. It takes time for her to make up her mind and justify her decision in front of herself. And they found some brilliant ways to show that process in the episode:

The opening scene: Dr. CEBRF slaying it, being herself: risking everything to save a patient’s life. Against all odds. This is her true nature, no matter the century. It’s giving her comfort and a purpose, and it also carries a responsibility that ties her to her current life. At this point, she’s shutting the door again, unaware of Roger’s discovery.

Claire’s reaction to Roger breaking the news to her. Her face screams relief, suppressed hope and longing, her words disagree. „I didn’t want to know“, „I could have lived the rest of my life not knowing.“ It throws her for a loop - for she has to make a decision now. No turning back.

Joe and Claire - I love how their friendship is fleshed out in this episode. It doesn’t only show their closeness (how great is their joined office?!), but also plays into Claire’s decision-making. It’s absolutely brilliant: Claire doesn’t tell Joe everything at once, like she does in the book. Instead, she tells him in multiple chunks, each time only as much as her current mind set allows. Before Roger’s arrival, she tells him about „someone“ from the past, that it was serious but that fate had decided to keep them separate. That’s where her mind is at. The second time they talk about it, she’s already considering the options and reveals to Joe that Jamie is (not was) Brianna’s real father. That she never stopped loving him. Joe’s advice to give love a second chance sure has some impact. When they talk about it for the third time, Claire actively seeks his advice - the decision has been made. 

The analogy between time-travel and a trip to space?! I’m in love. Claire’s inner monologue and face speak volumes - her defense is breaking. Visibly.

It seems very authentic that Claire finally decides to go back after talking it through with her daughter. Both of them will have to sacrifice a lot and it’s so important to both characters to lay their hearts on the table and make the decision together. Brilliant.

—> I simply love that it’s not a “boom, I’m going back, Jami, here I come. Boom, I’ll leave my daughter, it will hurt, but I can’t help it.“ kind of decision. It’s honest, it’s realistic, it’s human.

Bree’s identity crisis

Brianna’s way of dealing with the revelations of the past months has also been changed in the show - to the better, imo. Much like her mother, Bree is struggling to carry on with her life as it was before. The things she’s learned over the summer have a great impact on her and make her question everything. In short, she’s knee-deep into an identity crisis, wondering who she really is. This doesn’t only give her emotional journey the credit it deserves, but also clears the ground for what’s to come in season 4 (spoiler alert). She has this urge in her, the urge to get to know her father, because as Roger says, „everyone needs a history“, and knowing your father allows you to know yourself. It will make her decision to follow her mother and get to know her father look much more relatable. 

The class on misleading perceptions of history sets the stage perfectly.

Bree withdrawing from Harvard, questioning her affection for history is a great way of showing the way she’s questioning her identity, wondering if everything she thought she was was based on what Frank had been - not on what she herself was meant to be. The conversation with Roger in the arcade underlines this inner struggle: She discovers that she doesn’t really think like a historian. Her interests lie elsewhere.

The viewer gets to watch Bree coming to realize that she has to completely rebuild her life. Nothing is as it seemed, she is insecure and vulnerable. There’s only one thing she’s sure of: Her mother needs to go back to her father. To be with him, yes - but also to tell him about his daughter. We all know that it will eventually lead to Bree making her way to him, as well.

At the end of the episode, we see a woman who has faced her emotional insecurities and knows she made the right decision. During her quiet moment by herself in the kitchen after Claire’s departure, Bree’s face says it all: PURE Fraser determination. Hands clasped together, jaw set - ready for the future. A huge step closer to knowing who she is. Perfection.

I’d like to add that Sophie has grown on me in this ep - her performance was better, deeper, more believable than in previous eps. I’m glad they gave her and her character this amount of screen time, and I liked her interactions with Cait.

Forging a bond: A mother-daughter relationship There are some lovely - and necessary - moments where we get to see Claire and Bree bonding. The walls are coming down, truths are spoken, insecurities shared and reassurances given. They appear as a team, showing each other love, finally unconcealed. They’re two women united in the knowledge of otherworldly events, in pain and emotional confusion. And, most importantly, in the joint conviction that the decision they’ve made together was the right one. Bree giving the gemstone necklace to Claire (aahhh! The gemstones! Missing link!!) and Claire giving Ellen’s pearls to Bree is the perfect ending to that beautiful bonding experience.

Christmas Having all of the above set at Christmas time is a great idea, I find. It’s the time of contemplation, of family, tradition, togetherness. All of that plays a huge role in this episode. And after Claire has left, Roger is right there to catch Bree. Both of them are heartbroken - it’s Roger’s first Christmas without his father, and Bree has now lost both of her parents. Her gift to him: Making him familiar with an American (Bostonian) Christmas tradition. His gift to her: bringing a former Christmas tradition of hers back to life. There’s a deep understanding of each other involved in these gestures, and they both know it. The kiss seems perfectly realistic and authentic this time around. And so, they’re starting a new Christmas tradition. And a life together.

Other missing links

„Candy“ and Claire: weirdly necessary encounter.

THE BAT SUIT?! Yaazzz! We finally know what that was all about! Seeing Claire sewing her own outfit is giving me life - and makes soooo much more sense than buying it in some store. And it’s made from rain coats and has secret pockets - Claire’s practicality shines through and I love it.

(Not in the ep, but mentioned in „Inside the world of Outlander“: CLAIRE INCLUDED THE ZIPPERRRR and I’m totally fine!!)

I can’t even begin to tell you guys how much I adore the idea with the puddle/prologue/car/carriage. The prologue is such a perfect fit, and it’s just great to see it included. Combined with the parallel to the time-travel analogy in season 1 (car) - well, kudos to you, Toni Graphia! 

I don’t have to say anything in regards to the print shop scene. PURE, UTTER P E R F E C T I O N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All in all, this episode is everything I could have ever hoped or asked for, especially in terms of character development and links that were missing. The producers did an amazing job at improving the plot and the characters’s emotional journeys, making them seem way more realistic and relatable than in the book.

Now…bring on ep. 6! Dr. Claire to the rescue!!

[maxissi]

So...

I’m not around for a day and a half, and all hell breaks loose! 

Anyway, there are so many feels and rather than cramming them all in tags I’ll write them down here. It’s gonna be loooong, so I’ll throw in a cut here.

1. Claire holding Bree for the first time. It should be the happiest moment of her life, but she can’t share it with the one person that means everything to her. Damn, Diana. 

2. No Frank hate here, but: “Come to Daddy, give me a kiss.”?

3. Tobias Menzies is a damn fine actor. The way he says: “I wanna know when you’ll gonna come back from the past.”! Caitriona Balfe obviously slays as well.

4. Claire still has Ellen’s pearls and this gives me feels. It also makes me sad for Jamie, because Claire has his ring, his father’s ring, Ellen’s pearls and of course Brianna - Jamie has nothing to remember her by, and show!Jamie doesn’t even have her scar.

5. Frank sleeping on the couch gives me hope they’ll include his side leaps. I honestly don’t know what to make of Diana saying there’s doubt about that - there is none in my book.

6. Jenny’s face when she has to turn Jamie in. Oh God. 

7. The montage of Jamie in Ardsmuir. I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like to be humiliated and exploited like that. And by the English no less - the people that terrorised his family and slaughtered his people. Also, he just would have to remember the other prisons he was in. Fort William, where Black Jack Randall marked him forever and he lost his father; Wentworth, where he lost his will to live if it hadn’t been for Claire; and the Bastille, where he thought he’d lost his wife and child forever. And still, still, in the midst of all this despair, he manages to rise and to be a leader for his men. Jamie Fraser everybody.

8. Jamie and Lord John Grey together. Yes, please! One of the few good things to come out of his time at Ardsmuir is their friendship, and I am here for that. 

9. God, how I love Roger and this adorable trio searching for Jamie! I also love his accent and I absolutely cannot wait for when he finally joins the crazy Fraser clan (give us more than just season four Starz, please and thank you).

10. Bree: “We will find him.”

11. Jamie and Geneva. The whole question if it was or wasn’t rape is ambiguous to me. When I first read it, it didn’t even occur to me to see it as rape, but I read it again after the discussions and well… Jamie’s POV during the scene really is rather crass. Anyway, as Hannah James said it probably won’t be an issue, so I have faith in them to mend the things that felt out of character to me. 

12. Claire as a surgeon. 

13. Roger and Brianna. I am here for their love!

14. Frank/Claire sex in front of the fireplace? Not sure I needed to see that.

15. The bit from the instagram trailer with Joe: “You still love him?” “I never stopped.”

And of course: Claire in Edinburgh again, about to scare the living shit out off one Alexander Malcolm - HELL YES!