#PLEASE LET HIM ROB AND BURGLE YOU!!!

[dnangelic]

heroes

heroes when you remember you're technically a bad guy

[bonniebird]

Billy x Fem!Reader

Requested by anon​

Masterpost

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“I’ll be fine.” You insisted.

“I don’t know. I would ask if you could go to the Harringtons but they’re away. Jim Hopper said there had been some home invasions.” Your mom said as she fiddled with the zipper of the small bag sitting on top of her suitcase.

“I promise. I will be fine. You’ll be back in the morning.” You said quickly.

“I’m sorry I have to go. We moved out here so I wouldn’t have to travel for work.” She muttered and hurried to hug you. “Maybe you should invite that other one over… you know. Gilly?

“Billy?” You said. She smiled and nodded.

“Everyone else is busy and I'd feel better…”

“Will Billy Hargrove here. Alone. With me.” You said and smiled.

“I trust you. Not enough to let you handle someone who breaks into homes. But to handle him.” She said. You watched her fish through her purse and count some notes out, enough for food and an emergency.

“I’ll call him as soon as you leave.” You promised. She looked more relieved.

“I wish I could get out of this and stay with you.” She muttered before reluctantly getting into the car. You helped her put her bags in the back and waved her off. “I’ll call once I’m at the hotel! If they need me to stay longer I’ll call Joyce and see if she's back from holiday. If not you go to the Harringtons they should be back home tomorrow afternoon.” She said out of the window.

“If none of that works I’ll call Sheriff Hopper. Please stop stressing Mom. I know you’d stay if it wasn’t really important.” You promised her and smiled.

“Well it better be important. I'm not going to be happy leaving my baby to fend for herself and drive half the night to get to the office. You phone that friend of yours! I’ll call…” 

“As soon as you get to the hotel. I’ll be ok.” You assured her. She pulled away. You half expected her to come back but when she didn’t you went inside, locked the door and went to the phone on the kitchen wall.

“Yeah!” Billy yelled as soon as he picked up. You could hear his music blaring.

“I need a favour.” You muttered.

“You already owe me eight bucks. I don’t know if I can do you a favour until I get my cash back.” He said. You heard him chuckle before he added. “What’s the favour?”

“My mom had to go away for the night. Work. She was pretty upset about it but her boss wants her to head into the main office. She’s worried about me being home alone for the night, with all those break ins. She made me promise to call and ask you over just in case.”

“Oh… yeah. No problem. Will you be ok for twenty minutes? I’m babysitting until half nine.” Billy asked. His voice had softened. He had taken a shine to your mom since meeting her, she was one of those mothers who mothered anyone who came across her door.

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll order our usual from the pizza place?” You offered.

“Sure. Then we can call it quits on that eight bucks?” Billy asked.

“It’s a deal. See you soon?” You said as you fiddled with the curly phone cord.

“Sure. Just try not to get burgled until I get there.” Billy said before hanging up on you. With a soft sigh you paused for a moment and called the pizza place.

There was a knock on the door nineteen minutes later. You assumed that Billy had sped over. Opening the door you caught a waft of his cologne. He was wearing his red shirt, he hadn’t bothered to button it. Even though it was warm out he was also wearing his jacket.

“You’re early.” You said as you opened the door wider to let him in.

“I’m so sorry. How rude of me.” He grinned at you as he passed by you to step into the house. He paused in the hall to take his shoes off and put them on the shoe rack and hung his jacket up on the hallway hooks. “Did you check that all the windows and doors are locked?” He asked you.

“I’m pretty sure they’re all locked.” You said. He sighed and shook his head at you.

“See. This is why your mom thinks you’re going to get robbed.” He joked. 

“I’ll go check the bedroom windows.” You said and he nodded.

“I’ll check the rest.” He assured you. Once you were both sure the house was secure you went to the living room.

“So why’d she had to leave?” Billy asked curiously.

“Mom? I’m not sure. Her manager insisted on it. We had plans for tomorrow and she had booked the holiday off. Apparently there are some major information breaches and they need her at the main office, not the little branch here. She couldn’t say anything specific. They threatened to fire her if she didn’t drive out.” You explained as you curled up on the couch. Billy sat next to you, his legs sprawled wide taking up space as he threw an arm over the back of the sofa and leant into the cushions.

“You think she’ll make it back by tomorrow? For your plans?” He asked.

“She wants to. But I don’t think so. She said to go to the Byers or the Harringtons if she’s not back tomorrow. It sounds serious.” You mumbled.

“Well the pools closed until next week. I’ll be around.” Billy said. You smiled and giggled a little, making him blush.

“Aw Hargrove, are you making sure that I'll be ok?” You teased. He scoffed and played it off as you laughed. Before you could tease him anymore there was a knock at the door.

“That must be the pizza… weird. It’s normally an hour on the weekend.” You mumbled. Billy frowned and went with you to the door. He flipped the switch for the porch light and waited while you looked through the peephole.

“I can’t see anyone. Did you hear the knock?” You asked.

“I did. Move.” Billy looked through the peephole and then jumped back.

“There’s someone there. They were covering the peephole.” Billy muttered quietly.

“Did they look like the delivery guy?” You asked.

“No. Didn’t even look like they had food with them.” Billy answered. He stared at the door before reaching for the handle.

“What’re you doing?” You practically squeaked out at him.

“Going out there to chase them off.” Billy answered simply.

“What if they have a weapon?” 

“You think maybe if we ignore him, he’ll go away?” Billy asked. You gave him such a pitiful look that he sighed and relented, moving the hallway side table in front of the door. You jumped and grabbed at Billy’s arm when there was a loud bang in the door.

“Maybe we should call Hopper?” You asked.

“And tell him what? Some shady guy knocked on your door? Unless they try and get inside we won't have anything to report.” Billy said with certainty. There was a louder knock at the door which made you jump closer to Billy, clutching at his arm. When the next thump sounded like someone slamming their body against the door, Billy jumped too.

“You know. Your front room curtains are closed. I’ll look out and double check if it’s the delivery guy.” Billy said. He glanced at you when you didn’t let go of him.

“I’ll come too.” You said quietly. He grinned and nodded, letting you stick close as he crept to the living room. He peered carefully out of the window towards the door.

“Don’t freak out.” Billy said after a moment.

“I’m freaking out.” you answered.

“Well I said don’t.”

“Well you saying don’t freak out is making me freak out more!” You complained.

“Well stop freaking out and call… Hopper.” He said adding Hopper’s name slowly as if he didn’t want to spook you.

“What! Why would… it’s not the pizza guy.” you muttered.

“Since when does the pizza guy try to bust in a door?” Billy asked and frowned at you as if you’d amused him.

“Well… what if he was very passionate about delivering pizzas.” You muttered as you hurried to the phone. You tried the sheriff’s office but no one picked up. Then you tried Hopper’s home but there was no answer. Unsure what to do you tried the Sheriff's office again, this time Jim picked up.

“Hawkins police department.”

“Someone is breaking into my house!” you said quickly.

“(Y/N)? Is your mom there? Are you ok?”

“Yes it’s me. No, she had to leave. I’m ok. Billy Hargrove is here but we ordered pizza and now some random guy is trying to break in the door.” You explained quickly. He assured you he was on the way and you put the phone on the receiver. Unsure what to do, Billy went to look for something to use as a weapon and came back with a fire poker from the living room. The two of you sat on the floor in the hall next to the phone and watched the front door rattle.

“How long do you think it’ll hold?” You whispered to Billy.

“Long enough.” Billy muttered. His voice wavered and he looked worried when you glanced at him. You felt his hand gently slip into yours, letting you clutch it tightly.

“Everyone else is out of town.” You whispered. He nodded and sighed.

“We’ll be fine.” He assured you. You weren’t sure how long passed but the front door finally started to give in. You jumped when the phone rang and hurried to reach for it.

“Sheriff Hopper?” You asked as you sat back down, stretching the phone cord as you did.

“Honey? What’s wrong?”

“Someone is at the door. Billy’s here. We called the Sheriff but he’s taking his time to get here.” You explained to your mother.

“I called Joyce. She's going to be back home by six thirty am and she said that there’s a key hidden in the flower bed to the left of the front door. She said that you can take Billy there if anything happens. We didn’t think anything would happen.” She was worried. You could hear it. There was the sound of police sirens down the road as the door finally caved. You shrieked as someone with a mask burst through the door and knocked the side table and everything on it all over the hall. Billy got to his feet and was ready to swing his weapon when Sheriff Hopper shouted at the intruder and hurried up the porch steps with his weapon drawn.

“It’s alright Billy. I’ve got this.” Hopper assured him. You realised that you were panting out of panic. Billy hurried back to you and hugged you. Once the intruder was in the back of his cruiser Hopper took the phone and explained what happened. He promised to take you both over to Joyce’s and check back in on you before his shift ended. You clung to Billy and caught sight of the delivery guy nervously standing at the door. It made you giggle in relief. Hopper insisted on paying for the food and waited for you to pack some things before driving you both to Joyce’s. You let yourselves in with the key.

“Hargrove. You think you could stay a little longer with (Y/N)?” Hopper asked.

“I’ll stay as long as I’m needed… if you could talk to my dad?” Billy asked.

“Sure. No problem.” He went to the livingroom and called the Hargrove house while you and Billy went to the kitchen to dish out the Pizza.

“There was me thinking I’d be bored tonight.” Billy muttered as he took a bite. You laughed nervously and nodded.

“Ok. I’m going to go. I have to book this guy and I need to finish patrolling. I’ll drive by every half hour until my shift ends. I have a spare key so I’ll let myself in at one thirty am, check everything's ok. If you want me to stay I’ll take the couch. There’s two beds made up in the guest room. I’ve let Joyce know what’s happened and they’re going to try to get on the road early. I start my shift tomorrow at five am. I’ll be back before that to make sure you’re ok.” Hopper said.

“Thanks.” You muttered. He nodded and headed out to his car.

“You feel tired?” Billy asked.

“Yeah but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. That was totally crazy!” You muttered with a yawn. 

“Well let’s finish the pizza and see what movies they have.” Billy suggested. You nodded and took the box into the living room.

Billy Tags:

@lisainhell @spiderwebs-blog @gryffindorqueensworld @rockyrascal @twerp8999 @theletterhart @boardstomymood @big-galaxy-chaos @greekktragedyy @ietss @alexxavicry @daughterofthenight117 @sarcasm-n-insomnia @multi-fandom5 @skylermoyer @justice-for-the-kaldorei @favmeyou @kaylantus @supernatural-wolfie @yougottalovefandoms @alwaysadreamingoptimist @love1deandra @archaeologydigit @im-eating-rn @bucketbunny @littlefreakingfangirl @hardladyheart @gillybear17 @lchufflepuffcorn

[thessalian]

Council Deputies vs Gothic Horror Burglary

The kind of dark, spooky castle you might expect to see on a postcard from Jonathan Harker

Alisaie: There’s a gem in here?

Mychae: There’s lots of gems in there, I bet. It’s a fancy-ass place.

Astrid: I’m getting ... gem ooooooooooof ... necromancy.

Alisaie; Mychae: *incredulous look at Astrid*

Alisaie; Mychae: *pointed stare at castle*

Castle Courtyard: *has a garrison of undead patrolling the courtyard*

Alisaie; Mychae: *sarcasm thick enough to spread on toast* Nooooooo! Really?

Jallira: Leaving that aside, rushing the main garrison doesn’t feel like the best idea. My “Undead-B-Gone” field has a range. And ‘castle courtyard’ exceeds it by a long way.

Mychae: Well, let’s see if there’s a back way.

Little cottage by a pond, teeming with wolves

Creepy Dude: What do you want?

Astrid: Just a little information about that castle over there--

Mychae: Also to please not have any comments about the sweet music your children of the night over there make. *gestures at wolves* We’re trying for sneak here.

Jallira: ...Please find something else with which to quietly occupy your attention.

Creepy Dude: You are all weird, so I figure telling you things will get you out of my face. That castle.

Astrid: Yes?

Creepy Dude: Full of undead.

Alisaie: We figured that!

Creepy Dude: Look, go talk to the ghost in the cemetery. He might be interested in your bullshit. Now get out before I set my wolves on you.

Party: *starts leaving*

Jallira: Thank you for not rising to it, Mychae.

Mychae: Hmm? Oh, yeah, whatever; look, you’ve been keeping our crafting shit, right? Here.

Jallira: ...Poison recipes ... potion ingredients ... a couple of gems... Exactly what did you find to occupy your attention?

Mychae: I told you. Home invasion is my speciality.

Jallira: You robbed him?!?

Mychae: More like ‘burgled’, if you want accuracy, and some of this was in a crate outside so I’m not sure that counts--

Jallira: *frustrated noise*

Alisaie: We needed stuff and he won’t figure it out for awhile so let’s just go so he can figure we’re going to die to bigger and badder shit, okay?

Dividing wall between cemetery and courtyard

Astrid: Why are we here? I thought we weren’t going to even try to go through the front door?

Jallira: That ghost said the last of his bones are in here somewhere. I made a promise.

Mychae: Oh, this is going to be a thing, isn’t it. Point me and I will sneak.

Jallira: It’s over that way.

Skeletons: *turn towards the clanking*

Jallira: Oh, fig.

Alisaie: Well, at least it’s not a frontal assault...

Stabnation: *ensues*

Big-Ass Skeleton Dude: Hold up; what are you people doing here?

Astrid: Honestly, we just want in the castle for one tiny thing and then we’ll go away without bothering anyone.

Big-Ass Skeleton Dude: Yeah, fine. Dude’s crazy anyway. There’ll be more shit to deal with in there so I don’t give a fuck.

Alisaie; Mychae; Jallira: *loooooook at Astrid*

Astrid: I’m charming?

Inside derelict castle

Astrid: This is a lab. Fascinating!

Alisaie: Can we not get lost in the sauce, please?

Creepy Lady: What are you doing in here?

Astrid: We need to talk to the gentleman who rules this place.

Creepy Lady: Good luck; this undead bitch won’t let us near him. Deal with her and I won’t mess with you.

Alisaie; Mychae; Jallira: *looooooooook at Astrid some more*

Astrid: Sometimes talking works!

Further into derelict castle

Undead Bitch: What are you doing in here?

Astrid: We want to talk to your master.

Undead Bitch: Good luck; he’s gone paranoid-crazy and doesn’t remember who he is most days.

Astrid: We’ll see if we can help him; thank you!

Mychae: *rifling a bookshelf* Oh, hey, this looks useful--

Undead Bitch: You’re trying to rob the place? I am right here.

Mychae: Technically it’s burglary, but--

Stabnation: *ensues*

In some kind of magical maze

Alisaie: Thanks for that ‘ball of daylight’ thing, Jallira. That was really helpful.

Jallira: So what was so important that you had to get us fighting a defiler over it?

Mychae: Instructions for how to make a chain shirt that Astrid can wear so she’s not getting fileted by everything we come across.

Astrid: .........I feel this need to apologise now.

Crazy Master: Who are you? What are you doing here?

Astrid: I--

Mychae: The gods asked us to kill you.

Crazy Master: I knew it!

Mychae: But we decided that we don’t want to. We want to kill the gods instead. To save you and the entirety of Solasta, though, we need the gem of necromancy.

Crazy Master: Well ... I guess... Yeah, here; take it!

Astrid; Alisaie; Jallira: *looooook at Mychae*

Mychae: It’s not technically a lie. I just embellished a bit. Now let’s get out of here before I get somebody else mad at me.

Jallira: Well, maybe if you didn’t burgle everything in sight...

Mychae: I got Astrid some instructions on how to enchant you a really sweet mace, by the way.

Jallira: .....................

Alisaie: Just take comfort in the fact that Chaotic Good is still good and let’s go.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Kisaragi Conflict.

Welp...We’re here...

...

The Kisaragi Foundation huh? This place is a lot bigger than I remember it.

*The stand outside the main central building and look up at it.

Yeah...I don’t know how it compares to Future Foundation, but...it’s big.

Boss...You do know that there’s a chance that these agents will attack us on sight, right? This whole thing about them not being involved is just a theory.

True...But I don’t know if you noticed it yet Kuripa...

*Makoto points in the distance towards a large white stone wall, surrounding quite a few of the houses they are near.

That wall indicates the Kisaragi’s jurisdiction. Any home or building within that wall is owned by the Foundation.

So most of the people we passed on the way in here are actually workers for the Kisaragi Foundation in plain clothes. We’ve had several points coming over here where we could have been reported, and yet we weren’t.

Hm...alright, fine...I’ll trust your judgement, but just in case, I’ve got a backup plan.

What backup plan?

That’s a surprise. I’m hoping that I don’t have to use it.

Alright...for some reason, I’m hoping you don’t have to either.

Let’s...get going.

Hm?

H-Hello.

Ah! Mr Naegi of the Future Foundation. What can I do for you?

*Kuripa leans over and whispers to Mukuro.

She still thinks he’s part of Future Foundation...

Looks like Makoto was right. They really have no idea about the situation.

Then why did they chase us?

Let’s find that out.

Hello Mrs Tomori. I was rather hoping I could seek an audience with Mr Kinjo and his soldiers?

Hm...Ok. I’ll get in contact with him. 

Thank you very much.

There’s no need for that Minako. I’m here.

Oh! Hello Mr Kinjo.

Mr Naegi, correct?

Yeah, that’s right. Nice to see you.

Listen...I was hoping that I could talk to you and a few of your men. It’s...important.

Very well. I’m not especially busy right now. Come with me. And bring your men with you.

Thank you sir.

*Tsurugi walks off, and the trio begin to follow.

Well, that was easy...

Yeah, but now comes the hard part.

*A few minutes later.

Mr Kinjo? You called?

Hello. Please, take a seat.

I see we have visitors?

*Rei, Ryutaro, Keisuke and Midori all enter the room and take a seat at the table. Kuripa, Makoto and Mukuro are already sat down waiting.

Sorry to summon you so suddenly. This is a matter of importance to you.

Very well. We’re free to listen.

What might the matter be Mr Naegi? Let’s cut to the chase.

Sure thing. Firstly, let me just clarify something.

Recently, and by recently I mean around two days ago or so, were your officers involved in a car chase against two burglars?

Huh? Yeah, how did you know that?

Isn’t that the chase where you got injured?

I wasn’t injured. I was fine after the crash.

Yeah, sorry about that?

What? What do you mean?

Anyway, we have something we need to tell you about that incident...But first, we’d like to ask you about your reasons for chasing the people in that car.

Our reasons?

Yes. I mean, you sent a whole heapload of soldiers after them for just a simple act of burglary. Why?

It’s pretty simple. That house belongs to relatives of Ms Yamaguchi over here. Her aunt and uncle who survived the tragedy, to be more specific.

They’re your relatives?

Probably the only one’s I have left...

...I’m sorry.

It’s fine. The Tragedy was a long time ago. I’ve had many years to recover.

In which case, allow us to be honest with you. The burglars that you were chasing from that house were Kuripa here...and myself.

Huh!?

What!?

You...robbed their house!?

More specifically, we BURGLED a house. We at no point made any attempt to harm the farmers.

Even though you were going to.

Shut up man.

Why? Why would you do something like that? I thought you were a Future Foundation Branch Chief?

...Not anymore.

What?

...

I’ll explain myself, but I would have liked to get that out of the way first of all. Careful, it’s a long story, but it all starts with that incident.

By the incident, are you talking about the explosion at that office?

Lots of people were injured, and one detective for the undercover Detective Library was shot and murdered. The bomb itself was a cover-up.

But by some out of this world misfortune...the Future Foundation believe that I betrayed them, and set up that bomb.

You’re kidding me...!

Yeah...and the reason Kuripa and I burgled that house is because we had no other option.

Because we’re on the run from our own friends and allies.

But I swear, the only things we took were some clothes, some food, and their broken down car.

And a spare shotgun.

Which I take is what you tried shooting us with?

Yup.

Alright...I understand your situation, but what about her?

After hearing what happened, I also retired from Future Foundation to lend Makoto my aid.

You have to understand this, please. While he may have been pointed at for the culprit, Makoto is innocent of any sort of crime. He did not set up that bomb, nor did he shoot the Detective who died.

...

What I’m saying is, the reason for us showing up today, is because our friends and allies have turned their backs on us. Or rather they’ve been forced to.

We need answers to the mysteries that remain, and we could really use your help. Please.

Sir? What’s your take on this?

...

Well...there’s one thing I could do.

What?

I’ll have to get on call with the Future Foundation to validate this issue...

and depending on whether or not their case seems legitimate, I may have to turn you three in.

!!!??

!!!??

!!!??

Wha-! Tsurugi!

Mr Kinjo, are you sure that’s wise?

Midori! These two have just admitted to being the people who infiltrated your aunt and uncle’s place! Don’t start defending them!

But they’re innocent, and didn’t have any choice! Besides, it’s not like anyone got hurt!

We don’t know that. The innocent part I mean. I don’t like doing this when they so earnestly come seeking us for help, but we can’t afford to trust them immediately.

Exactly. Which is why it’s so easy to just validate that with their current pursuers. At the Kisaragi Foundation, no matter how awful the truth may be, we ultimately side with law and order.

*Tsurugi gets up, ready to find a phone.

This is your business...Not mine. If you three are criminals to the Future Foundation, that’s all you’ll be to me.

Hey! Hold on a second!

Kuripa! We could really use that backup plan.

I’m on it...!

*Kuripa suddenly stands up.

Are you sure you want to do that? You know it could be disastrous for you, right?

*Everyone stops right where they are.

What? What do you mean by disastrous? How is this going to affect me?

...

*Kuripa shakes his head.

If you report this incident to the Future Foundation, then there’s a highly probably chance that everything about this case will therefore go public.

The Future Foundation have been keeping things under wraps because they don’t want to tarnish their reputation any more since the Nagito Komaeda incident. This goes public, and it could spell the end for the FF.

And I should care...why? The Future Foundation’s business is their’s, not mine. Hence why I don’t appreciate you dragging me into this...

I’m just saying...everything will go public...

Including how you used an awful level of physical violence against the Fugitives when you arrested them.

What?

What?

What?

All: What?

What...are you talking abou-

*WHAAAAM!!!!*

!!!!??

!!!!??

!!!!??

!!!!??

!!!!??

!!!!??

!!!!??

*Completely out of nowhere, Kuripa leans back and SLAMS himself straight into the table, head first!

KURIPA!

WHAT THE HELL!?

What did you do that for!?

AAAAGH! AGAHAAGH! It hurts! It hurts so much! Kinjo, why!? Why did you do this to me!?

What!?

What are you talking about!? You clearly did that to yourself!

I mean...yeah...sure...but...

Who’s gonna believe that...?

!!!??

!!!??

*The reality of the situation finally sinks in with Tsurugi and Rei. Kuripa wipes his forehead free of blood.

It’s of my knowledge that the Kisaragi Foundation already have had multiple lawsuits filed against them for their more violent and oppressive approach to the Future Foundation.

In the eyes of the public, like said before, we’re not fugitives. We’re Future Foundation.

And even if the Fugitive stuff comes to light, if we issue a public statement saying how violently you acted against me, then those public news station rats will eat that garbage up and enjoy it.

And let’s be real...I can take a lot more punishment than this, and no one’s going to believe that I did all of this to myself.

KRGH!!!

...

...

...

...

*Kuripa waltzes around the table and leans very close, menacingly, to Tsurugi’s ear.

Your truth doesn’t sound as good as my lies...! You think you’ve got us cornered but you foolishly fail to understand how powerless you are against me.

So I’ll say again...we could use your help...Will you help us?

I...

Well...?

I...!

Well? Well!? WELL!? WELL!?

ALRIGHT!

*Tsurugi screams and the room falls silent. Kuripa backs away.

I...yield...! I won’t call the Future Foundation...

and...I’ll help you...

...!

...!

Thank you kindly...

But...you need to give me a second...I need to get a few things sorted out before I hear what it is you need.

Come on...let’s go.

...

...

...

...

*Silently, the other Kisaragi officers follow him out.

This was a good talk, wouldn’t you agree Mr Kinjo?

I look forward to our upcoming partnership~

Hehehe...Hehehehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAH!!!

HOHOHOH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHHH!!!

[polygamyff]

31. Part 4

My dad is on my mind, it’s weighing me down at the thought of him not being around. I don’t know, something is annoying me. I wanted my dad to put Reign down because he uses a walking stick, for him to not be using it and doing all that I know right now he is in pain, he doesn’t like to use it at all. He hates the thing but he has no choice, even money can’t buy you health and honestly I wish it could. I just woke up and Robyn has left the bed so I’m just laid here thinking, it’s going to break my heart to see people happy that he’s not here and I know they going to come for me. I wouldn’t let him down, he’s right. I got to do it for my own family and protect them “why is Adam here!?” Robyn walked in, all guns blazing already. She didn’t even give me a chance, she seems a little angry “well, he is here to clearly dress you?” I said confused “yes, but why?” shuffling up in the bed “because you are going to the Prince of Dubai’ home Robyn, you cannot just wear anything. His wife will be there, his family. You got to be respectful. Look, If you are going to these kind of events with me you have to dress appropriately, and you need to dress with a headscarf or whatever they wear there. It’s called being respectful” Robyn frowned at me “so you’re saying I am not that? That I just dress trash as fuck? I just show my body off, he met me. He saw what I was wearing, he saw my body” Robyn is being so dramatic “that is a public event Robyn, you are going to his house. Don’t be so stupid, Adam is here to show you some things to wear that look respectful, I know how it works. Trust me!” she come here shouting at me, I can do it back “I am sure you do, I bet you have had other bitches there that is why” Robyn said before she stormed out, well that went well.

Jogging down the steps, I kind of find it funny that Robyn reacted the way she did, she is so dramatic “Adam, glad you’re here” I said as I made my way down, walking over to him “Maurice, my friend” Adam shook my hand, Robyn is really still upset with me when she really needs to just get over it “thank you for coming, was Robyn rude to you at all? If she was let me know” Adam chuckled “she didn’t seem pleased, she said I don’t need dressing her at all” waving at Reign, she is sat on Terry’ lap just staring “well he said I dress trashy, I am not respectful” I laughed out “no” I pointed “I didn’t say that, I said you need to be respectful to the places you go too, I know his home, I go there. Even my sister has a headscarf on, Terry. Please make your daughter see sense, I never said she had bast taste in clothes, I just need her to wear things fit for the occasion. His wife, his family will be there. These are important people and I want them to see that my future wife is respectful to their culture, please understand this” she is stressing me out, Terry smiled at me “Robbie, he is not wrong. In the Arab culture they are strict, you need to listen” Robyn is a brat “he is wearing a Thawb” Adam said pointing at me “a what?” Robyn frowned “it’s an Arabic dress for men, I do say he looks handsome in it. I love it, you will love it” Robyn didn’t know what to say “so you’re wearing something different then?” nodding my head “I am, because I am respectful like that. He has Reign’ gift too, he got her a gold chain. This is the first time you will be stepping out to a meal with me, somewhere important, we do end up speaking on business too. I understand, don’t worry about it. When we go there, we will be greeted by him and his family. They feed us, we talk and have some things and then leave. They are so nice, but you may be with the ladies for a while but don’t worry. Robyn, it’s fine as some things they don’t want to mix, you will soon learn” Robyn sighed out “this seems like hard work” she is funny, she has barely done anything.

Staring at my MacBook screen and then dragging my eyes away from the screen to Reign “you doing business with me baby?” fixing her in my arm a little “shall we cancel meeting for next week? So I can be all yours?” she is not interested, I think she likes the colours on the screen “right, ok. I need to book this in, daddy has a lot of work to do” my work phone started to ring, I am literally replying back to emails right now. Answering my phone “Ally” balancing my phone on my shoulder to place my laptop on the side so I can lay Reign on me “I have the California police wanting to speak to you, they called me and I said I am just the assistant. They contacted the office in New York, they have directed it to me which I am now contacting you. They won’t speak to me, I am not sure what it is about” furrowing my eyebrows “black or teal?” Robyn asked “wait a minute” I said, letting my phone fall to the side of me “what? Me? Making me wait” Robyn said, she is being hard work today “not you and black” I huffed out, laying Reign down against my chest and then picking my phone back up “but why? What did I do? Is it me? I would like my lawyer around for that” this is never good “I have no idea, I did try and say he is busy but they said it is urgent” I guess I better answer “ok, put them through” I know for a fact I did nothing wrong, I know I haven’t “putting them through now” Ally said “can y’all just be quiet, please!” I spat “Mr Davenport on the phone for you Detective Natasha” raising an eyebrow, Robyn and Adam left the room “Thank you, hi Mr Davenport it is Detective Natasha. I am not sure if you are aware, there was a Burglary at your home in California which is registered under Robyn Willis” what crack is this “what!?” I said confused “there has been no such thing, I mean I literally get the alarm on my phone if that ever happens, I think you may have got the wrong person?” that is bullshit “Mr Davenport the security was tampered with, the home has been ran sacked, your cars have gone. I am sorry for such bad news and wish we could meet to discuss” I froze in shock, my home really been burgled “but I have the latest security, it can’t be. That is wrong, I paid so much money for it” I don’t understand “is there anybody you know that could have done this, we are currently getting as much evidence and feel it’s been done by someone you know. There has been no forced entry, the neighbours have said they noticed nothing wrong. They said you haven’t been home for a while now and mentioned that you would be in Dubai. It could be that someone knows you are not home, it can happen when they know the person is not home but the way it has been done it’s too clean” I am devastated “that is my family home, did they take everything?” that don’t mean anything to me really “it was maliciously vandalised, someone did take their time inside the home” I breathed out “even my daughter’ room?” I am so heartbroken, that is my daughter’ home “everything, I am sorry. When can you come back? We need to speak to you” I am in shock “can I call you back” I mumbled “my assistant, she will have your number. I just need time, please” I can’t process this “that is fine, she does have my number. Look forward to hearing from you” she disconnected the call.

Someone has really done that “look at my brother in his Reign suite” Shawn said as he walked in, I am still trying to process this “you good?” Staring at Shawn’ fist in my face “uh yeah” dapping him “you and Leon had a good time bonding?” sitting up on the couch “we did, Leon is funny but he likes to put everything on social media, a little too much” I need to find out, where is that bastard Malik “you know where Malik is? Anyone?” I asked as I got up from the couch “uhm no, why does anyone care?” Reign has fallen asleep “because my home has been burgled” walking up the steps “what!” Leon and Shawn both shouted in unison, I am so angry but upset because that is wrong. That could easily have been my daughter and Robyn in that home, I pay for the best. I know I do, I know what security is in that home, I know it all. I live in a good estate, it’s not cheap. Them nosey fucking neighbours would have said “don’t mind me” I said as I made my way into the room “Reign has fallen asleep” I want to keep calm but I am fucking angry, I am so angry right now “do I look the part” placing Reign in her crib “not right now, I will be back” if I had a gun I would shoot somebody “uh what, Maurice?” Robyn said, storming out of the room. I am not stupid, I know it was him. He would house sit for me, he also has my fucking dog so I would like to fucking know “Maurice, are you serious?” jogging down the steps “get Ally on the phone, tell her to give me Naomi’ room number now” walking over to the elevator “uh yeah, I will but are you being serious?” Shawn rushed over to me, pressing the button “serious as I can be, someone has robbed my home and took everything. No fucking dickhead can get in that, Malik. He knows the codes” walking into the elevator, pressing the ground floor “Maurice!?” Robyn spat, I want the door to close and they are luckily closing before she stops me.

This bitch is in my hotel, and I also know that little weasel will be here or he has flown back to do it himself “it’s my motherfucking hotel, I will use my powers to get anything” Shawn is telling me I am wrong but I am not, I am doing what I want “I think we need to relax” Shawn said behind me “relax? My child could have been in that home, he fucking did this and I know it” holding the handle as I swiped the keycard “room service” pushing the door open and storming into the room, hearing panicking from the bed. Turning the corner seeing Naomi fall over the bed sheets butt naked “no need to run, I have seen you naked before” Noami quickly yanked the covers over herself “get out now Malik” staring at Noami, I am not sure how to feel about this “I thought I said for you to not be in my hotel, you’re in my wife’ bed. I cannot wait to divorce you, Shawn you get that? When I take you to court for fucking my brother, you ain’t getting shit out of me. Not even the bare minimum like we spoke on, he is on crack, he don’t want you!” I would like to beat both of them “I knew you was in my hotel still, I know everything but something went on and you are the only one to know my codes for my home” Malik stared at me holding the towel close to himself “my home was robbed Malik, I don’t care. I will buy another home but my family could have been in that home” Malik smiled at me “you was here, your fine” Shawn grabbed me “no, we ain’t doing that. He will be dealt with” Shawn said “why!? Why!? Why would you do that!? After everything, I would give you anything, I didn’t ask for dad to love me more than you! You’re my little brother and I fucking loved you, why are you doing this to me! Is it because I am happy? You never did this when I was stuck with this bitch, did you? You liked me being childless and miserable because then I would be in a sunken hole like you are! You and this bitch! You can keep it, whatever shit money you get from this. Keep it! You are dead to me, and to think Robyn cared about you, shit like you! You made a big mistake Malik, watch when dad gives me the company. You fucking watch!” I pointed at him “out of my hotel, both of you!” Shawn let me go as I walked around him “bastard!” punching the wall as I made my way out of the room.

I don’t really have the time but I needed to see my dad “that girl is really done for” my dad is watching the video “mhmmm yeah” I said “Maurice, I will give you all of my blessings to do anything you would like to do once I give you the company” my mom just put her head down “he’s done, he will get nothing from me and if you do then that is on you” my dad laughed “I would rather give it to Robyn’ mother” I frowned at my dad “what?” that was random “I am just saying, I wouldn’t give him anything. That boy is a disappointment to me, he will never come to Texas again because he knows I want nothing to do with him. Your mother, well she will never stop because that is her son but don’t worry about it. The family will see it as more shares for them but son, you do what you need to do. And this, you give to Wade ok, the divorce court will love this. Just don’t attack them at all, he will want that from you” nodding my head in agreement “I just got angry because what if Robyn and Reign was home, if anything ever happens to them then I wouldn’t want to be here, just got me angry anyways. I need to go, I have to meet the prince” Robyn will be angry with me, I know she will be.

The elevator pinged as the doors opened “I told you he would be back” Leon said “Maurice, what the hell!?” Robyn marched over to me “I am calm now, it’s ok now” stepping off the elevator “you left your phone here! And you ran off, you saw me come towards that elevator but you purposely went!” I did do that “I am sorry” I mumbled “Leon telling me our home has been robbed? I tried the cameras and I can’t access them” I sighed out “so the police called my phone, said that they have taken everything from the home. But you and I both know we had the best security, I was angry so I went to see Malik, he admitted to doing it which I knew. I am so sorry, that is your home and that has happened” rubbing my face “no don’t be, honestly don’t. We are safe and that is what matters to me, I think it’s time we cut off Malik forever, for our own safety but do not ever be sorry. Lot of the things I took with me, I mean yes the cars and whatever but we got each other still” Robyn is right “you need to sell the home, it was so perfect. It was so close to your job too, I am fucking annoyed Robyn, it was perfect for you” Robyn wrapped her arms around me “just sell it, I can drive an extra hour for it, I don’t mind. I guess we didn’t expect this from your own brother” I chuckled “you need to sell it, it’s your home stupid. You need to do it, I can’t do it” Robyn let an oh “then where do we stay for now?” I never complimented on how she looks “you look beautiful by the way and I guess your dad is going to have to put up with me” I laughed “I am joking, I will be working and all that still. I will be around” Robyn hit my chest “shut up” Adam eyed me up and down “let’s go” he said “do you dress him? Does that mean you see his dick?” Robyn asked “why not? He has a big dick” Adam laughed saying “seriously?” Robyn is being dead ass “I am joking, I have never seen his dick. Just down to his boxers, don’t worry I don’t want him” Adam waved her off.

I must say I always look good in one of these, every time I wear one “I am glad you got the thicker material, you remember that time when I wore black boxers. Never again, thank you Adam” walking out of the bedroom “it’s my pleasure, your other half is stressful. She didn’t like this and that, I goes your man said what he said” walking down the steps smiling “good, you need to be strict with her sometimes “just call me Sheikh Davenport, don’t all compliment me at once” I know I look good “my, my, my. Well hello Sheikh” Leon said “do you always go all out for this man?” Leon asked “I respect his ways, he respect mines. What he says goes, he has power and I need him on my side. He could have easily turned around and say the women at the event needed to cover their heads, but he didn’t. We respect each other” Leon let out an oh “are you naked under that?” Robyn asked “I could be, if you like? But I have my boxers on, it’s the most comfortable thing to wear here with this heat. Do I look good?” I want a compliment from Robyn “you look very handsome Maurice, I am impressed. So what is that? Scarf thing?” Robyn pointed “I could either wear it on my head, it is protect you from the sun. But I chose to put it around my neck” Robyn grinned “you’re actually so amazing Maurice, like your dad has raised you amazingly well, I get why people in power like you. Because I really am enjoying, this” she pointed at me, look at Robyn complimenting me more then I asked for.

Pressing a kiss to Reign’ cheek “miss you already princess, we will be back” I don’t think she cares, she is relaxing with Leon “do you think I would make a pretty Muslim?” Robyn said behind me, turning to Robyn. I cooed out seeing Robyn in her hijab “you would be” I paused “probably one of the prince’ wives, I can imagine that happening. Shall we go then?” I am dead ass with that statement, I know she would have been “nice to hear that you class me so high, I appreciate it. And you would be my butler that I fuck on the low” pressing a kiss to Robyn’ forehead “and I appreciate that you want my dick on the low too” she is so damn pretty “I’m so happy for you both, you make me so happy inside. To see this” Terry gushed “not when she is crying about random shit, it ain’t cute. Anyways, we do need to go” fixing the scarf around my neck as I made my way to the elevator “sir” the butler said and the elevator opened “I pressed it already” look at that, I don’t need to wait “thank you” stepping onto the elevator and turning to Robyn “I kind of like this you know” pressing ground floor “you want to move here?” resting against the elevator wall “if that means we both get to spend all of the time we can, you get busy once you get to America” rubbing the side of my face “that will change, soon” I have my plans.

Stepping off of the elevator and the first thing I see is both Naomi and Malik, they are being escorted out now “boss” Lenny said “hey, just give me a moment. Robyn, wait here” making my way to the receptionist, Naomi looked behind and saw me “Malik” she touched his back, she really doing this “sir” the lady said “I want you to send out correspondence out to every hotel, these two ain’t allowed in. And please make sure they leave this place, country even” my dad came from the back “Maurice, are you going now?” he walked from around the desk “I am, I will let you know how it goes, what are you doing behind there?” I asked “making sure those leave my son’ hotel, have fun then. Oh there is Robyn, hi!” my dad waved to her “it’s weird when you’re nice, don’t work too much old man” patting his shoulder “we have to obey your rules Maurice, you are the owner and also. Malik and I got into it, he is quiet for that reason. I will resolve such issues, that is my child. He is not your problem, anyways you go now” I was wondering why he was so quiet, I guess my dad got him now. I am still upset he did me like that, it’s not about the things it’s about the people that live there, that is what upset me the most, I can buy everything again. Smiling at Robyn “your dad is adorable when he’s smiling” I snorted laughing “come Malikati” holding Robyn’ hand “what?” she spat “it means my queen in Arabic” Robyn huffed out “I can’t keep up Maurice, you know too many languages” I know she is fed up of me knowing all of this.

Robyn switched seats to sit across from me “you good over there?” I said as I stared at my emails, Ally emailed me if everything is ok with the police situation “look at me” Robyn said, looking up from my phone “what?” I chuckled seeing the phone in my face “you being a creep huh” Robyn shrugged “I find you extremely sexy right now, the shades on too. Mhmmm so mysterious” I smirked at Robyn “sorry, I love my daughter but this is my new wallpaper” Robyn sat next to me “look at that, I mean you look so good. How fucking sexy are you, I am not surprised that women come to you and want you” Robyn is really lusting over me “that word that Leon called you, Shay, something?” she is so cute “sheikh?” I asked “yeah, what does that mean?” she is so innocent, it draws me in every time “it means Arab leader, head of family. Someone that leads the people” Robyn let out an oh “how do you spell it?” I laughed “Google is free babe, you can just Google it?” Robyn scoffed “if I can’t say, then what makes you think I can spell it out in Google, tell me?” licking my lips trying to not laugh too much “S, h, e, i, k, h. Got it?” Robyn nodded her head “I put this” she turned her phone to me “my Sheikh” I read out and then cooed out “that is so cute, I love it. Like I love you. Actually, I have access to my own official Instagram now, my sister usually adds pictures but I wanted to see your page so she gave me the log in” I said while tapping the icon “you been messages bitches on there? I know you must be getting some nudes on there” I mean she is not wrong but I won’t admit that “who cares, I am with you. But let’s take a picture, only like official picture go on this, I mean like photographer type thing but I am proud of you, this like your first event with me, like just me and you” holding the phone out “let me take it, you don’t know angles but for real? I feel kind of special. What about Noami, you must have?” shaking my head “not like selfie type unless she took one but I am doing this with you. I don’t deal with social media, not my thing but I am trying” Robyn held the phone up to take the picture, shuffling closer to Robyn and placing my arm around her. She moved closer to me, resting her free hand on my knee “wow, we look like bad bitches” Robyn passed me my phone, moving my arm “I think I am the better one though” I smiled at the picture “I like this, I think I will write meetings with the Arab prince, no actually I will put. The Arab prince requested I bring my wife to this. Which I am not lying, he did say this” tapping post “I feel honoured, like I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be doing this. You are teaching me new things, and I love learning. I love learning your ways, the more I see of you working the more I am amazed by you. I can’t stress enough how your dad raised you well, now I get to see you flourish” Robyn is being too sweet “with you by my side, you bring that out of me. My love for you” she changed me for the better.

[ironforgedrp]

♛   ATTENTION THOSE IN SUNSPEAR !

         a plot point, occurring within the midsummer ball —                as those at the ball begin to cast their votes for the SUN GOD & SUN GODDESS competition at the midsummer ball, things are beginning to... — - happen whilst everyone is enjoying and revelling in the merriment.

    the first person to hear of it is ( @liifewcter ) VIDA WATERS, as the neighbouring stall owner finds the charcoal-donned herbalist and quickly explains her that someone has broken into her wagon and injured her horse, adrestia.   she quickly excuses herself from the other commonfolk she had been socialising with and hastens after the other merchant to see what has happened.

     at the same time, inside, a lord loyal to bear island tugs ( @mcrmontson ) LORD BANNEN MORMONT’S arm and whispers to him that a burglar was caught attempting to slice open the side wall of his tent, and is currently in chains.   he, with a handful of his men, promptly leave to deal with the would be thief, dispatching a message to lord stark to inform him of what had happened.

     for everyone else, the night’s festivities continue on as normal — !

VIDA / PENROSE: when you arrive where you secured your wagon, you find the metal lock prised open and the wooden doors hanging open. the interior is obviously disturbed, many potted plants smashed on the floor, trampled, and samples that hung carefully above to dry seemed to have been ripped down. papers of commonly known Westerosi recipes also are thrown around, some fallen on the dry, dusty ground outside the open doors. a few yards away is your horse, Adrestia who is whinnying softly in pain. a quick inspection finds that the blood is coming from a long, but thankfully shallow cut to her right foreleg. it seems as though she had reared up on her hind legs and thats how she was sliced by the thief’s knife. after tending to her and dressing the wound, you spent the next hour straightening the damage and figuring out what has been taken. MISSING: Two (2) vials of Basilisk Blood, a poison One (1) flask of Demons Dance, a poison Five (5) flasks of brewed Moon Tea, a contraceptive & a few scrap note papers on general healing plants, nothing worrisome TASK A one-shot from Vida’s POV about having been robbed and going through her inventory.

BANNEN / TEE: your guards have caught a thin, scraggly-bearded man of dornish origins attempting to cut his way into your tent, but found himself stuck when the rusted blade snapped. he was caught by two passing members of house glover’s company and shackled. upon interrogation and a search of his bodily possessions, it appears to be nothing more than an opportune thief who picked the wrong place to burgle. if is up to you what you wish to do with the captured man, though he is a citizen of dorne.  you spend a great deal of time going through your belongings, but there is nothing out of place and save  for the small hole roughly cut into the side wall —  everything is as it should be. MISSING: N/A. TASK N/A.

OOC NOTE:

    if you have been assigned a task or paired thread,  (not everyone will be, it is again up to  chance!)  please do complete it as we have put a lot of energy and time into creating these and tailoring them to each character or pair. there is no word count minimum, or any conditions save for completing the task within a fortnight/14 days of it being posted.    we cannot stress this enough: it does not need to be long, the point is to have your character react to what has happened to/around them. unless you have spoken with the admins, if you don’t complete the task, or respond/reply to the paired thread it will affect your activity come the applicable check, as well as this your character will not be eligible for the next random event selection.

    while this may seem quite stern, we don’t mean it to be. though we must impress that the admin and mods put several hours of work into these posts, we know and love how you all get very enthusiastic at the idea of the random events, and we are ridiculously excited to bring them to you all, but it is very discouraging when nothing comes of the plots we post up and we have noticed this has been happening.    if you have any problems please let us know via the main blog, but in the mean time —

  THE FABLED D&D DICE OF IRONFORGED HAVE BEEN CAST ...

    @liifewcter / @mcrmontson ... for better or worse you have been selected!

[a-black-pegasus]

The Perfect Burglar

Borrower Bilbo Baggins! Four inch hobbit!

Thorin is in for a surprise!

______________________________________________

Gandalf hummed as he walked into the village. He had procured rooms at a local Inn; and if the room where he and thorin were staying had hobbits, a race of four inch tall men, then perhaps it was a coincidence.

Perhaps not...

Gandalf had walked amongst, and talked to the shy hobbits. His abilities as a wizard granted him the unique talent to shrink himself, although many hobbits had also seen him tall. Now he was known,— in the buzzing ears of hobbits at least, as an ally.

Someone to run to for a bit of food, assistance, even a ride. Mostly he was a helping hand.

But tonight, Gandalf was the one who needed help from the hobbits, and he knew just the right one to ask.

"Thorin, let's turn in for the night. It grows late, and we must rise early tomorrow morning to begin the journey."

Begrudgingly Thorin nodded and stood to his feet. Bidding his company a brief goodnight, he left for his bed, and what he imagined to be an eventless night.

Gandalf walked after him, and shut the door behind them once in the room.

"Uh, Thorin. There is one matter I would like to discuss with you before we fall asleep."

"Oh?" Oakenshields eyebrow rose. "And what matter is that?"

"I proposed a few days earlier that we add the skills of a Burglar to our company. I still stand by what I suggest." Gandalf said.

Thorin hummed, and took a seat on the far bed. "Perhaps, but it is too late to look for a hired hand now. We leave at first light."

Gandalf dipped his head in acknowledgement. "Yes, but a real Burglar is more likely to find us, than we find them."

"Why do you never speak to make your intentions clear?" Thorin huffed. "Are you saying we will be robbed in the night?"

"Ehh..not exactly."

Thorin rolled his eyes, drew his sword and muttered about the competence of wizards. He prepared for bed, and tucked his sword under his pillow, his hand grasped firmly on the hilt.

"Goodnight Gandalf."

"Goodnight old friend." He echoed. Sprinkling a few crumbs, and setting out a chunk of fresh bread on the bed table Gandalf layed down and waited.

***

Bilbo had seen Gandalf in the tavern, and had tried to follow him just to find that Gandalf, and one of his several dwarf friends were sleeping in the room right where he lived!

What luck!

He peeked out of the hole, and looked around. Immediately he spotted a chunk of bread on the bedside table. It appeared that Gandalf had left it out for someone like himself.

Eagerly, he pulled out his hook and swung it up. After a quick tug on the line to make sure it was secure, he climbed up.

The moonlight from the opened window was all the light he needed. Without another second passing by, Bilbo began to borrow.

Yet only a minute had passed when suddenly Thorin sat up sharply, and raised his sword. He twisted around expecting a thief, and spotted the Hobbit.

The usual shock at seeing a hobbit Bilbo had come to expect didn't stay long. Thorin swiped Bilbo up in his fist and brought him up in front of his face.

"What are you?"

Bilbo's breath hitched as thorins gaze pierced right through him.

"I..I.." He stammered. His sucked in a shakey breath, and squeaked. "Ga-Gandalf!!"

Gandalf blinked awake. "What? What's— Thorin! Put Mr. Bilbo down." He said Sharply.

Knowing better than to not listen to Gandalfs direct command, Thorin rolled the hobbit onto the bed table. "You know this creature?"

"Yes. Bilbo, this is Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin this is Master Bilbo Baggins of the prancing pony."

Thorin taken back by the rude introduction turned his eyes upon the Hobbit; But Bilbo had fled and hidden himself behind the washing pitcher.

"Well what is he doing here?" Thorin questioned gruffly.

Gandalf waved for Thorin to be silent, and called out to the hobbit. "Bilbo, come out. There is no reason to hide any more. Thorin has already seen you."

Bilbo trembled, and pressed his back against the water basin. "I..I don't think," he swallowed. "That that's a good idea." He spoke breathlessly.

Gandalf sighed. It couldn't be helped... But je still pressed on.

"Then at least listen to me. I know this is rather sudden, but I can to this tavern to speak to you personally."

Bilbo peeked around the side. "Really?"

"Yes." Gandalf affirmed. "With you. You see, Thorin here has combined a party of dwarves together to go reclaim their home. I want you to join them as the official Burglar. It will give you a chance to see the world, and get out of this inn."

Gandalf could see the light in Bilbos eyes as he mentioned that.

"M-Mee??" Bilbo gasped. "Gandalf, I..whoa!" Before Bilbo could fully answer, his support was pushed aside, and he fell on his backside.

Thorins hand came down, and scooped up the little hobbit.

"This? A Burglar?" He nudged Bilbo to sit up. "I can burgle this Burglar, I can slip him in my pocket and he would never see his home again." His eyes met with Bilbos. "It's too dangerous for him. I'm not—"

"Now I'm not saying you wouldn't have to be careful." Gandalf interjected. "Hobbits have a bit of magic of their own. They can easily go unnoticed, have been know to be light on their feet, and sharp thinkers. Aside from that they have an incredible green thumb. I think Bilbo would be an excellent edition to the company." Gandalf nodded as if that was that. "What say you master Baggins?"

Baggins all this time had been fidgeting, and looking around for an escape. Gandalf could read his face plainly, and it so clearly showed how much Bilbo wished he had ignored the bread and simply went straight home!

'It's too late for that little Burglar.' Gandalf thought.

"I...I need a moment. A m-moment to think and have a sip of tea..."

"There will be little time for tea, as well as a good other number of comforts that your used to, while on the road." Thorin said shortly. "There will be bad weather, rouges and enemies, sleepless nights on the ground, and no tea." He smirked and looked down on the little hobbit.

"How does that sound to you weak little master Baggins?"

Baggins eyes glared up at the dwarf, throughouly insulted! Gandalf leaned back and watched Bilbo give The mighty king a piece of his mind.

"Now look here." Bilbo said, pointing a miniscule finger up at the dwarf. "I may be a bit..soft around the middle, but every day I climb shelves, and tables, and chairs, a dozen times over my height to fetch pieces of someone else's crumbs. I gather and make my own tools, as well as everything I own—" Bilbo defended.

Gandalf smiled, and lit his pipe, pleased with how this was turning out. Even if Bilbo didn't come in the end, the look of shock on Thorins face was certainly worth the trip.

"..I may not be able to fight you, but I have gotten in and out of more jams than you have eaten." Bilbo swiped his nose. "So.. I am not weak."

He let his hand fall to his side, and turned to see Gandalf smiling down at him.

"I told you he was the perfect Burglar. He has more experience than you think."

Thorin furrowed his eyebrows in deep thought, and slowly nodded in agreement. "I think you are correct. Well Little Master Baggins? What do you say?"

Bilbo's looked from Gandalf, and his encouraging eyes, to thorin and his hard waiting stare.

"Well... When do we leave?"

______________________________________________

Thank for reading!

@sammigruber @sammie-skele-turtle @gatlily @nightmarejasmine @misfitsgalaxygt @obwjam @bee-wrecker @nerdqueenkat @tinyliltina @lost-done @queenofconspiracies @dc41016 @jasper-jazzle-zazzle @tinyinabigworld @bloodmoon-memecore @exquisiteren @smolkuriboh27

[flowerpotphil]

You Better Run

Chapter 1          Read on AO3 Summary: Daniel Howell is a trained assassin, he'll take on any job as long as it: A) Isn't a child B) Isn't his family/friends But his job description didn't cover what to do with those his victims left behind. Falling in love was never part of the plan.After all, it is a bit unprofessional to fall for a victim's boyfriend, even if he is rather cute. Warnings: It’s an assassin AU, so naturally there’s going to be some blood and violence, please don’t read if its going to be an issue for you. (More tags on AO3)

Daniel Howell, a supposedly normal 27 year old British guy, wasn't a very open person. His society was one dependent on hierarchy, it was easier for him to keep his mouth shut and go with whatever came his way. People didn't bother him unless they really needed to, he wasn't all that close to his family, and his work was entirely solo. To anyone who asked what he did to earn such a luxurious living - chandeliers, crystal glasses, his white grand piano that took up most of the lounge, and his charmeuse bath robe, were all examples of things he owned - would get a shrug, at a push he'd tell them he was an accountant for some of the richest people in the country. In the 8 years he'd been in the job he did, no one had ever proved him wrong, and he hoped that wouldn't change. 

No, he wasn't an accountant, he had no idea what accountants even did, but he couldn't let anyone hear about his actual job. For one: he didn't even go by Daniel Howell. It was his birthname, the name his parents gave him before they had another kid and pushed him to the sidelines. His 'work' identity - The Crimson Whisper - made people shake, vomit and pass out in terror, often creating an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. It was more than uncontrolled fright people felt at the name, it was an emotion beyond human comprehension. 

Daniel Howell, The Crimson Whisper, was a ruthless killer. The rich employed him to assassinate anyone they wanted, paying horrifically high prices for the deed to be done quickly, and to assure that their names weren't affiliated with the killing. There were a few assassins hanging around the streets, but their work was sloppy and they preferred to let their name be known. Daniel had never given the authorities anything to identify him with, hushed street talk had conjured up The Crimson Whisper because no one ever heard the victims of him cry out. No one heard him either, he was completely and utterly silent apart from when he was discussing work. He had to bite back remarks and laughter when people's eyes rounded at the sound of his assassin name, but over the years it had gotten much easier. The strange thing about him was that no one even suspected that the quietest man among them was up to anything sinister.

It was December when Daniel let his eye off the ball. 

All of the people that required his assistance had to wait under a very precise tree in the small forest land by Daniel's apartment, it was the tallest oak tree and it hid his figure in the shadows. It was back alley talk that gave people the place to find him, no one would dare hand him to the police in fear he'd tell all their secrets. The payment for each person Dan had to take care of was determined by the length of time he had, how long he had to go, and how risky it was, but everyone had to tell him a secret. People would do anything to protect their most dreaded secret. 

Dan was at the top of his game before a man turned up under the tree on December 1st. He was wrapped in a moth-bitten, stained cloth and his body hunched over. It was raining, the wind was making it exceptionally eerie to be so deep in the forest at midnight; everything was perfect in Dan's eyes. The man's face was shadowed over, but the darkness made Dan unable to decipher anything else about him, all he knew was that he wasn't his usual customer. "Excuse me, you're the assassin, correct?" Shockingly, his voice wasn't of an old man, possibly middle aged. Looks really were deceiving. "That would be me." His voice was intentionally guttural, unidentifiable if someone spoke to him during the day. "I've saved up for a year, there's this woman who's... She's just bad." "I'll need a proper reason." "She's a fraud, she dresses up and takes money from people. Her boyfriend has no idea what she does behind his back, but she burgles, cheats, and takes people for granted. She robbed my wife, she's in her 60's and the poor woman was scared to death!" The man's voice was rising as he spoke, the resentment for the girl becoming so out of hand. "What's her name?" "Harriet Turner."

Dan knew her. When he was starting out as an assassin, she was being trained by the same person he was. They'd been sent after the same person and she'd nearly pushed him off the ledge he was standing on, but that was when he bothered hiding his face. She didn't know anything about him, but he'd read about her. She must've hung up the bloodied robes for a civilian life, or maybe not according to the man standing in front of Dan. 

"When do you need me to do it?" "Before Christmas, preferably before 2 weeks have passed. Just get it done." "You know I'll need all the money you saved, it's Christmas after all, and a secret." "My name is Micheal Darker and I used to excessively gamble." And then he threw a pouch of rolled up notes on the floor in front of Dan, then walked away. The quick appointments were always the best, the risks were low and Dan could get back to just being Dan - he didn't have to struggle with the weight of his heavy duty clothing.

While the pay was outstanding, the conditions weren't great. He was to burrow into black clothes with a protective layer over his torso in case anyone tried to fight back. No one ever did. Descriptions of him had travelled like wildfire, vague ones that couldn't identify him in the slightest, so a dark figure standing in someone's room at night was a give away. They just gave up. It was almost amusing how many people Dan had immolated that just gave themselves to him; pathetic really. When he was busy it was torture, 3 people to dispatch of overnight meant a mad chase around the city to all the places they'd be, he also had to keep up his standard of work. Any mess that didn't need to be made was an imaginary strike against him. However much the busy nights dragged on, the slow times were even worse - he'd constantly be checking the thousands of pounds he'd saved up in case his services weren't needed anymore. Foolish to think that, he always had a steady flow of customers from all around, sometimes people were too wrapped up in themselves to need him.

Research. That was the first step Dan took. He'd try and get as much information he could about the people he was going after, and social media sites were one of the best advantages. He joined it and added everyone that appeared so it wouldn't look suspicious if he needed it later on, but most people had public profiles. He spent hours researching and taking notes of things that were useful to know. For instance, if someone went out every Friday night he would hang around until they were alone to strike. Most of it was common sense, the skill came with leaving no evidence of him being there. 

Harriet, as he thought, had given up her assassin lifestyle. She had a boyfriend called Philip Lester and was ostracised from the majority of her family. She didn't seem to like Phil that much, her posts were a lot about her being with friends and never with him. They went out to a bar each and every night; her income came from her boyfriend and serving in a restaurant; and she loved to get drunk. Phil was away on a business trip, but that was only for the weekend, and it was Friday - the day he left. Meaning that, if Dan was quick, he'd catch Harriet on the Saturday night, leaving her to whoever found her. That would probably be Phil. He wished there was a picture of the man, it would make his job a lot easier, but he posted sparingly so it wasn't a good chance. 

There were no clients on the Friday night, so Dan was able to collapse into his silk sheets with a glass of wine in his hand. If he had a night to himself he'd take a little self care, and he'd sort things out for himself, the nights would end with a large class of wine and a bar of chocolate, all while he watched one of the latest movies on his flat screen TV. It was all very laid back, but it took his mind off of the goal he had for the next night, and the fact that he probably wouldn't be sleeping.

Nonetheless, it was his job. Like it or not, he made his living doing this and he was the best at it. Other assassins had groups of friends that would sell them in when asked by police, but he never dared trust anyone, assassin or not, he worked alone. It was lonely sometimes, and he had a few acquaintances that he'd go out with, but none that he was close too. It had always been the same so it wasn't as if he missed anything from his past. He didn't have a relationship either, he slept around with girls in school, but other than that he never was bothered with it. He pushed any romantic feelings down, not that they were ever strong, it wouldn't tamper with his work that way. 

It was 1 AM when Dan turned off his TV and settled himself to sleep, drifting off into a land where nothing bad could happen. That night, however, his dreams were full of screaming.

Run. He just had to keep running. He was going after Harriet and they caught him, her dad caught him and everyone was after him. People yelled and threw things as he ran ahead of them, everyone was desperate to get their revenge. His parents were there too. 'This is why we preferred your brother.' His dad muttered, but it made no sense for him to have heard that above the noise of the mob that was after him. He ran to a dead end. No. Stop.

Then he woke up with hands gripping sweat soaked sheets, a pounding heart, and a lack of breath. It wasn't real. The nightmares only got to him if it was the night before a risky task, but he wasn't frightened of getting caught. He could handle it, but the disappointment would be too much. His clients would be found out, they'd be slandered to no end, and his family would hate him even more than they already did. There were 2 consequences of being caught: prison time, or death. Dan would choose death, he wouldn't want to be sent down and have everyone know what he did, who he killed. Other assassins would pick at him because he always stole the limelight. In death there was nothing. It would be the only fair punishment for someone as bad as he was. 

He knew that he should've been productive that day, that maybe he could pry more into Harriet's life to try and track her, it was just hard to do it. Usually he loved the snooping, it was pretty interesting, but other times it was too exhausting. Taking his chances was a huge risk, but he'd never been close to being caught before, so why would it matter now? 

The TV made noise for itself as Dan slouched almost lifelessly in the chair. Sleep occasionally took over, but most of the hours passed with him staring into space. With it being winter he could set off to get his work done earlier, and he was best waiting around because he had no clue what time Harriet would inevitably crawl in drunk. It was funny, he never expected her to turn into a party girl, she was always so snobbish and uptight to what he thought. 'While other girls get dressed up, I get suited up.' Is something she'd always say before she killed people, he'd seen it in the papers. She wasn't that great at keeping her identity a secret. 

At 6 PM it had gone dark, it was quite cold out so Dan's heavy torso protection gave some extra warmth. His suit was black and clung to his body so he could move efficiently. He guessed it looked like a gymnasts outfit, or the things that people wore backstage at a play - he was such a theatre nerd in school. He took back alley paths, the only life along them was intoxicated people, or people using heavy drugs, they wouldn't remember him by morning. A hood shielded his face, especially his eyes, so even if someone was aware enough to notice him, they wouldn't get in his way and wouldn't be able to describe him. He was sure he would've gotten caught, but the police didn't dare patrol there, and there were quite a few people dressed similar. 

The stone pavement was freezing, and homeless people were huddled up under cardboard and the occasional sheet. Dan felt slightly sorry for them, he had such an admirable life and they ad next to nothing. If he gave away his money he risked them telling the police that he had extraordinary amounts stashed away. He did ask some of them what they needed if it was during the day, then he'd dash to a store and get them a few things. Every single one of them was grateful for it. Contrary to belief, he was sympathetic to people who deserved it, but he could never let it get in the way of his work.

Harriet's apartment wasn't high up, it was actually on the first floor. It was shocking how many people left their spare keys buried around the place, even more so when that person was an ex-assassin. She'd left her key under a rock under the front window. It really was a bright idea. 

Dan didn't think twice about going in and unlocking the door, the CCTV camera was in shards and no one was around, no one was stupid enough to be outside in this apart from Harriet and her friends. Dan didn't even know if she was out partying that night, all he knew was Harriet wasn't in and he had to wait for her to come back in the darkness. He wished he could play on his phone, or do something, but it was trackable so it had to be left in his apartment. 

It was cold in the apartment, and the only sound was the clicking of the clock that Dan couldn't risk getting up to look at. Seconds went by. Those turned to minutes, Those turned to hours. It was boring.

But it didn't last that long. He'd locked the door on his way in, so the familiar sound of someone's key sliding into the lock made Dan's mind more alert than it had been. He listened hard, there were no voices, a giveaway that Harriet was alone. 

He peered up over the arm of the couch he was sitting by, she was walking all over the place and spluttering with meaningless laughter as she did it. Drunk. She'd be so easy to take out, it was like an early Christmas gift for Dan, but she knew all the tricks of the trade. He just hoped she was too far gone to realise what was happening. She walked into another room, and Dan followed after her, his feet light on the carpet. The bedroom was grand, it was obvious that her boyfriend, Philip, had no say in what it looked like. Her clothes occupied every free surface, there was no sign of him apart from a pair of black converse shoes. It was pitiful, Dan felt sorry for a man he'd never met and never would meet. Harriet had her back to Dan, she was messing in a box that was on the end of her bed. Perfect. Two steps forward was all it took, and she didn't even realise he was there. A knife with no detail was out of its sheath within milliseconds, then Dan took a deep breath in. His one gloved hand wrapped around Harriet and covered her mouth while the other plunged the knife into her back. He knew the exact spots he needed to cut through, but the feeling of the knife sinking through flesh was never pleasant for him to feel. She didn't fight him, but he felt her going weaker in his grasp. He pulled the knife out again, letting the wound bleed out. Harriet became more of a dead weight as the time went by, her white dress staining red as blood trickled out. Her hand did go to the point where it was bleeding in a feeble attempt to stop it, or maybe it was just the realisation. Either way, it didn't work. When Dan brought his arm from around her, she crumpled to the floor. Her chest wasn't rising or falling. It was hard to check her pulse with gloves on, but it was either nonexistent or very faint. She was a goner either way.

There was no remorse in Dan's eyes when he looked at Harriet. He couldn't afford it. As usual, he left through the front door and left it as she did, the keys hanging and door unlocked. The spare key was placed back under the rock. Then it was only to get home, a steady walk down the back alleys would more than work, he could hide in the corners and get home without anyone noticing him. It was easy.

[thegingerbeardman36]

Journal #21

This morning, Deeg came by to get me for a mission. He assured me that this would be an actual C rank mission. Apparently they still haven't found out how we were sent on an A rank, but oh well.

We didn't have to go to another planet, I guess there was trouble down in the south end of the alliance's city. I guess it could be classified as 'the dangerous part' of the city, so we grabbed guns.

"What exactly are we going to be doing? I asked. "A store was robbed. All we need to do is investigate. Possibly arrest the culprit if we find them," Deeg explained. It was more in line with actual police work.

We walked up to a store with a shattered window. The clerk was a kind of bug looking alien, like a big ant. "Ah, finally. I was burgled long ago, you took your time," the clerk said. Deeg snorted while he started to look around.

"Sorry about that, can you tell me what happened?" I asked. I was naturally more apologetic than Deeg, so we had decided that I would handle that part. "It was three young boys, one was a high level psychic," the clerk responded.

"How do you know?" I asked. "He was able to protect things into my mind," the clerk responded. "If that's the case, how do you know they were children? You cannot trust your eyes when psychics are involved," Deeg added.

"What seems to be missing?" Deeg asked. "Ah, the latest shipment of foods," the clerk replied. It was a grocery store, at least from what I could tell by context. "Apply for replacements, and we'll try to hunt down the ones responsible," Deeg instructed.

"and what about my window?" The clerk asked. "We'll have city maintenance come by later," Deeg said. We left the store and started asking others nearby if they saw what happened. No one seemed to see anything, which was typical.

"I was wondering, why would anyone need to steal anything? I thought the alliance provided all the essentials to everyone?" I asked. It was like a communism, where people received everything they needed as long as they did their work.

"it's true. There should be no need to steal. Even children are provided with food as long as their parents do their part," Deeg said. "Perhaps it was more about the act of stealing than the items," Deeg continued.

"what do you mean?" I asked. "Come, I know who the perpetrator is," Deeg said. I followed him further away from the city. We were soon on the outskirts, and if we went any further, we would need oxygen masks.

Deeg knocked on the door of a decrepit and abandoned building. "I know you're in there Ashr," Deeg yelled. He stepped out of the way and let me kick the door open. "We just want to talk, son," Deeg said.

"Who is this guy?" I asked. "A young orphan. His parents were diplomats from one of the higher psychic level planets. Unfortunately, they were killed in a civil war and he was brought here," Deeg explained.

"Shouldn't we do that sensory overload thing? You know, in case he tries to project into our mind?" I asked. "That's useless. The amount of concentration it would take would be counterintuitive. It's better we just talk to him," Deeg replied.

We walked up the stairs to a room where a young boy was sitting. "Ashr, I have some questions," Deeg said. "You don't need to ask. You already know it was me who broke into that shop," the boy didn't speak, but rather projected his thoughts.

"please don't read my mind. You would not need to steal if you just accepted help from the alliance," Deeg said. I felt a little useless, but Deeg actually knew him, so it was better he talked to him.

"I won't. The alliance is the reason my parents are dead, once I'm old enough, I'm going to get out of this place," Ashr thought. He then turned his attention to me. "You think I shouldn't be upset with the alliance?" He asked.

It made sense that he was reading my mind, I would have been, too. "I think that your parents wouldn't want you resorting to stealing. They would rather have you be comfortable than be mad at the alliance," I said.

He must have stolen from the shop just to cause trouble. "Here's the deal. You broke a law, Ashr. You can either come back to the city and be under alliance care, or you can go back to the shop owner and be his to discipline," Deeg said.

He wasn't giving him a real choice, I could tell Deeg felt bad for him. "I'll go with you, but only because I don't want to be punished," Ashr thought. "So, you're letting him off easy? I whispered to Deeg. "This isn't easy for him," Deeg replied.

So, the three of us walked back to the city and Deeg set him up with a room if his own. I'm not sure what happened with the clerk, only that Deeg told him that he never found the culprit. It's probably better that we didn't give Ashr up.

Hopefully I'll see him around from time to time, I'd like to help him get rid of some of his anger with the alliance. It's weird, this place is starting to become like a second home, and I think I actually care what others think of it. Well, I'll be going to sleep now journal, goodnight.

-Regulus

[the-littlest-kojin]

"Why, Mrs. Shinju, it sounds less like someone from my company burgled your house, and more like a single thief attended both of our properties. I must insist that you continue to follow the trail, and recover any stolen goods for the both of us. Do you need airship fare back to Kugane?"

I pause. Lolorito, offering me money unprompted?

Seething internally, I pace around the small office, examining the trinkets on his mantelpiece, a small statuette in the centre.

"No, thank you, Lord Lolorito. I will make my own way back. If I do discover that you were also burgled, I will be sure to recover your stolen goods as well."

"I'm delighted to hear i-"

Impatient, I cut him off.

"But if I discover that you, or one of your employees, is the culprit, I will be starting a campaign to convince as many people as I can to take their business elsewhere. The House of Splendours, perhaps."

I watch as his face sours below the mask.

"I understand, Mrs Shinju. If you are in need of anything for your investigation, please do let my offices in Kugane know. I shall inform them to provide what you need at a greatly reduced cost."

~

Back in Kugane, I set Kit down outside the Ruby Bazaar.

"C'mon, little guy. We're going hunting."

Watching as the small vulpine darts ahead, I follow. Through the Kogane Dori Markets, but not stopping at any stall, through the Aetheryte plaza, turning to the Hostelry.

Entering the tall building, I pause at the figure I see with piles of food and bottles of wine in front of them.

You're kidding me. Gyodo?

~

Finally returning home with the wines intended for Lett, I flop down on my couch and sigh, scratching Kit behind his ears.

A lalafell in a cap and with a purse tied across their chest. Was I robbed by Niwett?

Shaking my head, I scoff to myself.

Gyodo was probably just making things up to get me out of his face faster.

What I still want to know is why none of my alcohol went missing. Why only Lett's?

And how can I increase security so this doesn't happen again?

@meepsthemiqo

Burgled

Climbing out of the underwater tunnel to my basement, I shake the water out of my hair and smile as Vul runs and leaps into my arms.

"Hey little guy. Where's your brother?"

Wriggling free, Vul jumps down, seeming agitated, and leads me up the stairs. Concerned, I follow, hearing the sound of whining from the ground floor.

Reaching the kitchen, I pause. Kit is whining in the middle of oddly bare shelves.

I swear I asked Jitt to keep these stocked. And half of the alcohol shelf is missing, too. Just Lett's stuff. But she's still on the First...

Frowning, I wander the house, taking an inventory. Almost all of the food is missing, and every single bottle of Lett's alcohol, although none of mine.

Moving to the front door, I check it, my frown deepening when I discover that it's still locked.

Did they come in through the underwater tunnel? Calling my foxes to follow me, I walk back downstairs, noticing that my bed is disturbed and unmade.

What the hell happened here?

Settling my hat back on my head, I swim back through the underwater tunnel, calling Vul and Kit to follow me before I dive in.

I'm sure that Kit will be able to follow the thief's scent... But why didn't they take any of my alcohol? And no valuables?

[lovingminter-blog]

pranks//calfeezy

requested? yes! hope you like it :)

as always, feedback would be amazing and requests are open so please send me any that you have!

i hope everyone has a great day/night!

There were three main things you hated in the world: slow walkers, loud chewers and pranks.

Due to your choice in friends, you happened to be a victim to a large amount of pranks that they would post on their Youtube channels for ’entertainment.’ Pranking you seemed to be your boyfriend’s favourite past time as you were a frequent guest on his channel with your angry yet brilliant reactions to whatever prank he had played on you. It wasn’t long until you had enough.

You had to drag his two roommates into the whole ordeal, one reason being you wasn’t the most creative person and the other being you needed a few other people to bring down with you if the joke turned horribly wrong.

Callux decided that he wanted to record the whole thing and post it on his channel, and you thought it was a brilliant idea; it was about time Callum got a taste of his own medicine.

The plan was to pretend their flat had been burgled, it was a risky prank but it seemed easy enough to pull off. You, Callux and Harry had spent the whole day moving almost all of their valuables to Tobi’s flat whilst Cal was out all day for a project with Rebel FC. You were to meet him after for dinner and then return to the empty flat together, Lux and Harry would be waiting in Tobi’s flat and were to come up when you called them.

On our way up now, let’s hope this works!

You sent the text to Harry as you stood in the lift with Cal, the nerves in your stomach were tying in tight knots the closer you got to the floor. When the lift came to a stop, Cal grabbed your hand and led you out of it but when you reached their door he came to a sharp halt. It was open.

“What the fuck?” He mumbled, his grip tightening on your hand.

“Maybe the boys accidently left it open,” you suggested. You knew you were half right, the boys did leave it open but it was no accident.

Your words must’ve reassured Callum in some way because he nodded and walked in, although you could tell he was still a little cautious. You followed him through to the living room and, as expected, he came to a stop again.

The whole room was empty apart from the couch, Cal froze for a few seconds before running into each of their rooms, his face turning more pale as he was greeted with practically empty rooms. “Oh, my God, (Y/N), we’ve been fucking robbed!” He yelled as he came back into the living room.

Turning yourself into an Oscar winning actress, you dropped your mouth open in shock and scrambled for your phone. “Shit! I’ll call Lux and Harry.” As you waited for Harry to answer the phone, your eyes found one of the cameras the boys had set up earlier and you gave it a discrete wink.

“Hello?”

“Harry, you need to come home quick! The flats been robbed!” You spoke frantically through the phone, watching as Cal paced the flat with his hands almost tearing his hair out.

“Oh shit, has he fell for it?” Harry laughter ran through the phone and you bit your lip to contain yours. “Alright, we’ll come up now.”

As soon as the line went dead, Cal banged his fists against the kitchen counter. “I can’t fucking believe this!” His voice shook and you suddenly felt guilty for the prank. You wanted to tell him it was all a joke, but before you could confess, Callux and Harry came bursting through the door.

“Is this a joke?” Callux shouts as he races to his room- his facial expression instantly earns him an award. “Fuck! How did this happen?”

You spot Harry behind Lux’s head, he looks like he’s about to burst into laughter then and there. “I’m going to call the police.” He disappears into his room, most likely to laugh into his pillow.

“What are we going to do? I had everything on my laptop and now it’s fucking gone!” Freezy yells, dragging his hand through his hair. “And what about our cameras? They’re going to cost us grands to replace!”

You and Lux give each other a look and nod, deciding it was time to reveal it was all a cruel prank.

“Maybe this is karma,” you begin, crossing your arms with a smirk.

“Karma for what?” Cal frowns at you, confusion written all over his face and Callux slowly reaches for a camera.

“For all of the pranks you’ve played on me.”

“(Y/N), what on earth are you on about?”

“I’m saying, Callum Airey, that this is all payback” you laugh loudly as Callum’s eyes light up in realisation. “Say hello to the viewers!” You point out all of the cameras.

“Oh, I hate you all!” He covers his face as it turns red in embarrassment and you high five Callux.

After it was all revealed, Callum didn’t to talk to the three of you for hours and he refused to help you all of move the stuff back up to the flat. You couldn’t help but feel bad about the prank, even though a little part of you was extremely happy it all worked out.

When everything was back where it should be, you and Cal were sat on the couch after the boys had gone to bed. He was on his phone, and hadn’t spoke a word to you yet.

“Come on, Cal, you know I hate the silent treatment.” You whine, running your fingers softly through his hair. “Please just talk to me.”

Callum acted as if you weren’t there, turning his head away from you. Grabbing his phone off of him, you climbed into his lap and grabbed his face gently in your hands. “I’m sorry for scaring you, babe, I promise I won’t do anything that mean to you again. You can get me back in any way you want, just stop the silence.”

He stared at you with his striking blue eyes, before his hands moved to your hips and in a matter of seconds his fingers were attacking your sides. You were flipped onto your back as his fingers furiously tickled you, screeching filled the room as you laughed and desperately tried to escape his grip; failing every single time.

Eventually, Callum felt he had punished you enough and his evil antics came to an end. He grinned down at you as you got your breath back, and you smiled back at him with your heart going a million miles a minute.

“The prank was pretty impressive, you know,” he admits, leaning down to connect your lips. “I just wanted to watch you squirm for a bit.”

“You’re more mean than me!” You gasp causing Cal to laugh slightly against your lips.

“Yeah, but you love me anyway.”

“Unfortunately.”

[prclone]

orphan black starters, episode 1-5.      (suicide ment.)

i'm back in town. 

well that's not fair, is it? 

bitch. 

stop the train! 

you look like crap. 

i hit him first this time. with an ashtray. so he's a little blue. 

you've been gone for almost a year. 

i saw a girl kill herself. 

when you're a poor little orphan foster wretch, anything's possible. 

i haven't seen her in like a year.

any second, someone's gonna ID the body, and it's game over. 

you're damn right. 

suddenly you don't give a damn, i get pissed. 

you’ll probably take off again. 

i panicked. where's your wit gone? you haven't called me dipshit all day. 

you don't have to babysit me, dipshit. 

i know this thing has got you all twisted up, but you gotta forgive yourself. 

i'm having trouble with detail, so i'm not sure i should say anything at all. 

try to separate mistake from result. 

can we get the elephant out of the room? 

the last thing i am is special. 

if that was my boyfriend, i'd jump in front of a train too. 

the whole sad point is nobody would notice if i died. 

let me finish what i started and the i'll come back for you and her, yeah? 

you're gonna disappear again? 

you're already dead. 

it's gonna be an intimate memorial piss-up. 

you know what, first though, you need a shower and a xanax. 

are you back on the meds? 

call me or i'll squeeze your bloody bollocks in a vice-- 

it was always fight or flight with her. 

i still want us to be together. it can work, yeah? 

someone shot her right in front of me. 

there's blood everywhere! 

you need to get rid of the body! 

i can't figure out why she killed herself. 

i have a knife and i will stab you in the face. 

i was mad at you so i decided to blow all the money from your stolen coke on it. 

why are you suddenly dressing like a punk rock ho? 

you're not ready for this. you need to take more time. 

i can see it's killing you, but you stopped talking to me months ago. 

i can't keep waking up every night, checking your breathing, worried you're mixing your meds, booze, god knows what else -- 

i'm not dirty. i just freaked out. 

i told her to freeze. she didn't. she ran. 

you're making me nervous. 

they're gonna start to dig. and if they dig, they find the pills. 

i've got to carry what i did. 

do you want a cuppa? 

i think whatever she found out drove her nuts and she topped herself. 

i'll call back at midnight. 

why would you go in my room? 

rock and roll. 

who am i speaking to?

i'm a few, no familly too. who am i? 

why lord, why me? i never wanted any part of this. 

do i wear a huge 'kick me' sign on my back?

hide your ugly face on the way out. 

i had to go to bed, bath and beyond, okay? nobody wants to admit that. 

what the hell did you say to the shrink? 

what are you gonna say to change her mind? 

what's the difference between a mood stabiliser and an antipsychotic again? 

why do you have to be such a hard-ass? 

i just need you to be my backup, okay? 

you're gonna shoot me while your kids are sleeping? 

i was running from my own shit. 

she was losing it. like, clinically. 

you're not supposed to be parked here at night. 

do not shoot me please! 

you point a gun at my brother again and i will kick the living shite out of you! 

last i checked, it was illegal, let alone impossible. 

am i going insane? 

body's chewed up pretty bad. 

i think that some idiot didn't realise they were burying a body next to an active quarry. 

do you have a criminal record? 

wasted youth, alright? 

wow... welcome to the trip, man. 

let me see your weapon. 

just give me an hour or two to get up to speed for christ's sake.

if you ask me about that money one more time, i swear to god, it's going in the shredder. 

do you know who shot her in the head? 

who's killing us? 

that's good. try and keep your sense of humour. 

you think someone's jerking your chain? 

i should probably get back to my real job now. 

you could rob me blind. 

we're hoping you realise you can't run away from this. 

you cannot hide in minimalist furniture! 

i think you're being a bitch.

how would you like it if i started pulling this schizophrenic hot-and-cold crap on you?

the body dump doesn't match the professional hit. 

this perp's got some deep-seated spiritual problems. 

i think he went into one of the abandoned buildings here. 

i should have had your back. 

look, shit happens fast, okay? 

i'm not gonna let you drive me home like an invalid. 

hey, you're not gonna hug me, are you? 

now can you please tell me what in the hell happened to your face? 

it's not about revenge.

she was on this killer's hit list and now i am. 

if she's not dead, we need to find her. find out what she knows. 

i just need some time to myself. 

name me one homicide ever pinned on a female sniper. 

female killers tend to suffer from chronic detachment. isolation breeds sociopaths. 

you could have killed me, but here we are. 

anybody else feel like they have a target on their back? 

i don't think you understand the situation here. 

you're a punk! be one! 

no wonder she wants to leave.

you're like a completely different person these days. 

it's this case. it's a bitch. 

we don't bring that shit in here, right? 

what're you gaping at? 

you ever fight a woman? 

they do say, crazy makes you strong. 

if you're hearing this, you found a body. 

you're different than the others. 

i think i'm dying. 

i came out the woodwork. where did you come from? 

i'm sorry about this but it's very important that you keep this a secret. 

well, unleash the doves. world peace must be right around the corner. 

i came back to prove that i could, but i'm not doing anybody any good. 

so the killer is still out there? 

you'd stab me in the eye with a nail file? 

you're shaking like a leaf. 

there's the gun you wanted. 

last time i checked, i'm the only one defending us. 

i'm gonna shoot his balls off. 

i don't leave prints when i burgle. 

she wasn't messing around, was she? 

you silly bitch, would you get your fanny out of there? 

i'm entitled to a little privacy. 

you were the one who introduced me to punk rock. 

stay in school. 

you bitch! you faked it! how could you goddamn do this to me?! 

are you still concerned about her mental health? 

how'd you do it? 

we were on top of the world! 

we were parasites. 

is every man in your life a complete wanker, except me? 

i'm about to go in and shoot him in the balls. 

this is our chance to get answers. 

i thought you handed in your sidearm. 

well, apparently, i've got a stalker. 

i didn't mean to get all tangled up with you. 

if she really is dead, how do i know you didn't kill her? 

she killed herself because the man she loved turned her whole life into a lie.

this is a sick test, isn't it? isn't it?! 

you think i had a choice?