#PLEASE DON'T REBLOG THIS

[finnyfinster]

Me when Gerry Keay

[theageofsims]

I'm having a really rough time and I really don't want to say anything, but at the same time I feel like I want to say something and I have like nowhere I can really say it because I feel like I don't know people personally in the community, but I also know I spend most of my time on Tumblr, some of the time, blogging my Sims so I felt like I could post this here rather than my personal blog.

I don't know how much more I can actually take.

I am doing the best I can with my diabetic and high blood pressure diagnosis after losing my dad to stomach cancer. And I get talked to like I'm a fucking idiot by my doctor who I have only had since September, at my physical today.

I am just sitting here at home like crying my fucking eyes out on and off since 11am this morning.

But I'm just fucking tired. I am mentally and emotionally tired after losing my dad in 2022, and dealing with my diagnosis for one year now.

I have had a fear of doctors since I literally came out of my mother's womb. She and my dad had the roughest time with me all through my youth and teenage years about going to the doctor while my older brother put them through NO hell about it.

I don't know where this fear came from, but I don't see it going away any time soon and each visit I have had since my diagnosis has been a terrible experience. And I have to go back every 3 to 4 months to check my sugar levels and my blood pressure and every last fucking thing.

I am tired of pricking my finger every single day. I am tired of taking my medicine. I am tired of the side effects. I am tired of the fucking blood pressure monitor. I am tired of it all.

Now it's off to the fucking eye doctor, then there, then here. I can't stand doctors and now you are forcing me to go to more doctors outside of my PCP office because "diabetes can mess with your eyes" and "check your feet because diabetes could take your limbs" -- I fucking know this. My mother's been a diabetic since I was 3 fucking years old. I've known how to deal with diabetes since I was 15, until at age 37 I now have to deal with it for myself and for the rest of my life.

I am just so fucking bent it's not even funny.

I am the lowest I have ever been in my life and honestly, I've felt pretty low during moments in my life for the amount of shit I've gone through. No matter how much effort I make, nothing is working. I try so fucking hard and nothing even moves in the right direction like I'm fucking cursed or something.

I feel lost and I feel alone and that's NOT the fucking person I am so that kills me inside. I never ask for help, I'm always there helping others.

Like literally everything, I blame myself for everything. It's like it's my fault I'm sick with these things. I know that's stupid and totally not true, but that's what I tell myself.

I am doing the best that I can do, but some days I just don't want to do it. Some days I'm just so slow going about everything.

I eat healthy. Sure I splurge like others, but since I've gotten sick? If I splurge for one meal once every month, it's a lot. I can't even fucking eat a piece of bread with a can of tuna without thinking what the bread might do to my sugar level.

It's like I love food so much and suddenly I'm like developing a fucking eating disorder over what every single piece of food could be doing to me.

I can't eat salt, I can't eat sugar. I can't eat fucking oatmeal. I can't eat cheerios. I can't even eat fucking wheat chex which is full of fiber. I can't eat fucking dairy. I can't eat fucking fruit.

I'm eating green veggies every single day and I can't seem to just be at normal fucking numbers or down to what they want me to be.

I've got side effects from the medication. I have to eat something with the medication. Now my entire system is slowing down so fiber up, but it still does nothing to move things along. Then I have to make sure I'm taking vitamins to supplement for all the shit the meds are depleting.

I'm fucking just tired of it all like JFC. I'm doing the literal best that I feel that I can do and I've got people coming at me like scolding me for shit that's not even my fucking fault and judging me.

Even my dad was a diabetic, but later on in his life. He was the one with the high blood pressure since he was like 29 years old -- and even that didn't kill him, the fucking stomach cancer did. The man ate healthier than anyone I knew once he hit like 55 years old -- and he fucking died of stomach cancer. Go fucking figure.

It's like you walk into the doctor's office and you get diagnosed with 5 things. They literally size you up and add shit to your chart you don't even want on there or you don't even know what they are.

It's like the dumbest shit to even say, but I sometimes feel like I've just been forgotten about. Like I'm being tested to see how much I can take before I just fucking crack and it's like I can't take any more. Maybe I could years ago or maybe I could before my dad died, but I can't take any more right now. I just want space and a fucking break so I can breathe and I feel like I'm being constantly monitored and forced to do shit that I don't want to do.

Anyone that knows how I blog here knows I'm a pretty silly and upbeat type of person -- and sarcastic as hell some of the time, too, but I'm really having a really tough time these days. I just try to put my best foot forward, but clearly, that isn't working at the moment.

I also hold a lot of stuff inside -- I always have since I was a kid so it's extremely painful for me to admit to how I honestly am feeling, but I'm just really down because I'm trying so fucking hard and it's like life just is like let's just fuck with her a little more and see how she does.

And through it all I can't call up my dad and be like hey Dad, can you believe this crap?! Or hey Dad, what should I do? Or hey Dad, how's the weather? I can't call him for any fucking thing anymore and that's a feeling I never expected to feel early into my life, and so suddenly.

I'm doing my best, but I'm also just fucking tired. Like something's got to give, but fucking when? I'm the most patient person in the world, but fuck -- when is something finally gonna fucking give?

[barnables]

I'm careful about jumping on the "trump defrauded the election" claims. I know *some* fowl play was involved but I'm also not willing to deny the reality that his supporters exist in nauseating numbers and we should not for any reason think we can sweep that existence under the rug. We need to be aware of it. Even if Kamala had won It would be dangerous to move on like nothing happened or we could just forget it like a bad dream.

However.

During the past two or three weeks before the election I just found it really fucking weird that he was on tv seemingly unravelling and not giving a fuck. Like, canceling interviews, not showing up at rallies, rambling about nonsense, saying even more salacious shit than usual. Saying, on repeat, things like "they told me I shouldn't say this but-" and then dropping whatever turd he had to drop. Basically just, uncontrolled. Unfocused. Over it all. My sister and I just couldn't figure out why it suddenly seemed like he *wanted* to lose or he was throwing in the towel, just days away from the election, when obviously he has too much to ego to ever do such a thing. The only way any of that makes any sense is if king turnip somehow **knew he couldn't lose no matter what.** And the idea of that makes so much sense that it's honestly terrifying.

[omgkalyppso]

i need to make either an introductory post or a new writing masterpost since i'm not peddling anything atm. which is preferred?

Here's the old writing masterpost.

Thank you. Don't forget your daily click for G/a/za.

[lugarn]

i loved episode 8 of the gay pirate show. without caveats.

there's nothing complicated for my love of it, but izzy's death and funeral and the wedding after shot me right back to the 90s/early aughts. see, my mom worked in AIDS service orgs, and i, a very normal teenager, spent all my time in the waiting room talking to the people who came.

i also spent a lot of time going to funerals. it was unavoidable, a part of life.

izzy's death scene and funeral and the wedding aftermath shot me right back there! surrounded by family, angry that someone who i very much wanted to live had died. the feeling of deciding to live on happily to spite the thing that killed them.

it was always followed always by everyone trying their best to celebrate life. i was too young to go party with them, but watching them get ready to go party after the funerals was formative for me.

the only two shows i've seen capture this feeling, this very important time in my life, are pose and gay pirates. nothing else captures the cycle of funerals marked with a weird mix of rage, sorrow, and the need to re-capture queer joy.

[downthegenderriver]

Alastor more like Arostor lol

[zulubunsen]

A Goodbye to my Dog

or:

I Will Always Remember

Dear Holly:

I write this goodbye through tears of sadness from losing you, but also through tears of happiness for the near decade and a half of pure joy you brought me and our family. I will always remember that.

I will always remember the day you first brought your never-ending joy into our lives. I will always remember hearing a little yap from under the Christmas tree when I was just nine years old, and Meredith sobbing, asking "can we keep it?".

I will always remember the comfort and companionship you brought me at my worst moments. It was hard to be sad when you were snuggled at my side. Through happiness, through heartbreak, through peace, through change, you were there by my side.

I will always remember your personality. You had such a unique way of doing things. I'll remember all the times you tried to bury treats in your special blanket. I'll remember your insatiable hunger for bananas. I'll remember how you'd stick your ears up in the air like antennas when you were excited.

I will always remember caring for you in your autumn years. Helping you eat, helping you get around — I will always remember taking you for one last stroller walk hours before you died.

You were always there for me, and I am grateful I was able to be there in your last moments, holding your paw as you took your final breath. I will always remember that.

While we only had fourteen years together, the joy you brought us is never-ending. Even though you're gone, your memory remains forever.

I will always remember you.

Love, Mike

[alifeasvivid]

there's no "other" option... if you feel that strongly that it definitely isn't any of these, leave a comment P:

[ashton-slashton]

At this point idk why I even fucking look forward to anything anymore

[waywardsunlight]

I've been pretty frustrated with my friendships because I had to finally cut ties with somebody last February because I realized that they were just using me as a friend/ they had definitely moved on and were using me to get free support/to trauma dump, and then I got closer with a new person and then I didn't realize until it was pointed out to me that they were using me too. 😭 I feel so tired of being used and then I realized that I haven't been putting enough into the relationships with people who do care. I feel like I notice all the bad things and I forget the people who are actually there for me.

[roger-elizabeth-debris]

cuz I feel like posting it and just in case anyone was wondering

this is why I don't talk to mom.

like, this is the type of thing she's done our entire lives. my sister and I confronted her about the abuse, and, as y'all can she, she denied it. all of it. from the verbal, to the emotional, and even the physical abuse.

it's not even that we don't love her, it's the opposite, that's why we're trying to get her to go to therapy and a psychiatrist and shit, we want her to get better. but she's made it clear, she's not just not-open to the idea, but openly hostile to it. and the little comment "I disagree" is evident that she's too entrenched in her own self-protecting/narcissistic bullshit that she's willing to sabotage and ruin her relationship with her own children over it.

and for the uninitiated, there's no right answer to this question; say yes and she hits ya with the ol' fashioned "then why don't you show it? why are you doing this, after all I've done for you blah blah blah." say no, and that's whole other shitstorm varying from "get your shit and get out" (for when we were living there at least) to on god just throwing hands.

all there is to do really is point and laugh. laugh at the tragedy of the situation. laugh at the fact that these types of messages come through every few months or so literally out of the blue that they kinda leave you scratching your head wondering what sort of mental gymnastics she's just performed (and how drunk she is).

and most importantly, laugh at the fact that her question is, itself, emotionally abusive.

[buttercuparry]

Besties do you think as Arya Stans we are gate keeping a bit too much? Like I saw a meta and a further clarification of the meta where the op uses "not like other girls" not in the sense of arya wanting male approval but loosely based on their own personal way of terming things which they admit isn't really the correct term to use but they do it in a way that's personally easier for them to understand.

I don't really agree with their meta as a whole and still think that no matter the intention it kind of stereotypes Arya, but I think personal projection and admission of it is kind of fair. I mean the trouble comes only when personal headcanons is claimed to be the truest interpretation, isn't it?

[sooz-again]

What's up, Sooz? Fandom Related Questions: A, B & C please?

Have a great day! ^.^

A: Your current OTP.

Hard to say. I don't really have an OTP, I'm a multishipper at heart and mostly either find characters I like a lot and then ship them with everyone, or someone else pulls me into their ship and I like them. So for now, I guess the closest I have to an OTP is Jet/anyone or Ty Lee/anyone.

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

So the part tripping me up with this question is the 'changed your mind' bit. If I hadn't considered a ship, I literally haven't ever thought about it. But once someone pitches a ship to me, I tend to like it. Whether or not I actively think about it is a different matter.

I guess the closest I've got to this are crack ships. Maybe Mai/Longshot, or Azula/Joo Dee. Ships where I'd never consider even putting them together to see what happens, but people wrote fics about them, and now I'm into them.

C: A pairing you wish you shipped, but just can’t.

The closest I've got to this is Zuko and Katara, and that answer really doesn't work for this question anyway because I do ship Zuko and Katara, just not actively. I like the ship, and I think that it is really great that there is a thriving community around the ship. The reason I don't actively ship them is that I realized that I don't perceive Zuko and Katara the same way that most within the ship's fandom do, and I don't want to bump heads with anyone for having a different opinion. It would be nice if I interpreted the ship in the same way as the rest of the fandom did, and it's unfortunate that I don't.

[samis-lists]

AN ABOUT ME LIST.

my name's sam. but you can call me sami.

i'm 21, turning 22 in august 2023.

any pronouns are fine. but when in doubt, use they / them.

i have some blog rules (to be linked).

i have a tag navigation (to be linked).

i am diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

i have been confirmed to have adhd & possibly autism by my therapist & psychiatrist. but i am not medically diagnosed due to financial reasons.

i enjoy art, writing, anime & music.

i have a calico cat named fiela.

i have a mix breed dog named yapa.

i have a kofi (@/samminikolai).

i have an art instagram (@/sam.nko).

i have an art tumblr (@ryosami).

i have a writing tumblr (@samnko).

my art & writing tumblr's are quite inactive.

my main tumblr is @trueformsukuna.

i am hoping to keep this blog active.

i am open to list ideas. send them in an ask if you'd like.

some lists might be silly & short, while others are more thought out & researched.

[benedictsvestcollection]

I'm just.... Needing to put my thoughts here.

I've been having a really tough time lately emotionally/mentally and even physically.

I know a lot of ya'll know about my back problems and yeah, that still sucks for me. I'm working on finding a surgeon to see in my health plan but I can't seem to get any to call me back that are near me.

My roommate basically moved out unofficially (and in with his fiance, not giving me any warning) and has been kind of a dick about everything here. While he still pays half of everything here, he acts like I should be paying more even though it's not my fault he doesn't live here anymore. And when I call him out on that shit, he claims he's joking.

But really, I'm just.... Struggling with loneliness overall. Every time I think my life is looking up, something seems to pull me back like my back pain, my roommate being a dick, and just.... The universe basically telling me that I'll never get to be happy.

I feel like I'm never going to be happy. No matter how hard I try to be happy on the outside and inside. Life just seems to constantly drag me down and I just want to feel content and happy for once in my fucking life.

But all I ever seem to get is disappointment and depression.

I just feel too broken to ever be fixed.

[butchbait4butch]

hey transfems, i don't know which of you need to hear this but it's okay to never use your penis during sex if you don't want to. it's okay to tell your partner not to touch it, to ignore it even, and hold them to respecting that boundary, no matter how many times you've had sex with them, or even if you've had sex with them with your penis involved.

you're not weird or broken for having needs or having boundaries, and you deserve lovers who respect those needs and boundaries. as someone who knows first hand, it's not worth it not to speak up.

this is a post for bottoms, switches, and tops. for subs or dom/mes. for anyone who feels like their no will go unheard or that the only reason people are sexually interested in you are those who want a woman with a dick. i promise you there are people who are out there who will listen, who will get you, and who will treat you how you deserve.

in fact? that's the absolute base line that anyone deserves during sex, and you deserve that and so much more.