#PLEASE DON'T REBLOG THIS

[finnyfinster]

Me when Gerry Keay

[theageofsims]

I'm having a really rough time and I really don't want to say anything, but at the same time I feel like I want to say something and I have like nowhere I can really say it because I feel like I don't know people personally in the community, but I also know I spend most of my time on Tumblr, some of the time, blogging my Sims so I felt like I could post this here rather than my personal blog.

I don't know how much more I can actually take.

I am doing the best I can with my diabetic and high blood pressure diagnosis after losing my dad to stomach cancer. And I get talked to like I'm a fucking idiot by my doctor who I have only had since September, at my physical today.

I am just sitting here at home like crying my fucking eyes out on and off since 11am this morning.

But I'm just fucking tired. I am mentally and emotionally tired after losing my dad in 2022, and dealing with my diagnosis for one year now.

I have had a fear of doctors since I literally came out of my mother's womb. She and my dad had the roughest time with me all through my youth and teenage years about going to the doctor while my older brother put them through NO hell about it.

I don't know where this fear came from, but I don't see it going away any time soon and each visit I have had since my diagnosis has been a terrible experience. And I have to go back every 3 to 4 months to check my sugar levels and my blood pressure and every last fucking thing.

I am tired of pricking my finger every single day. I am tired of taking my medicine. I am tired of the side effects. I am tired of the fucking blood pressure monitor. I am tired of it all.

Now it's off to the fucking eye doctor, then there, then here. I can't stand doctors and now you are forcing me to go to more doctors outside of my PCP office because "diabetes can mess with your eyes" and "check your feet because diabetes could take your limbs" -- I fucking know this. My mother's been a diabetic since I was 3 fucking years old. I've known how to deal with diabetes since I was 15, until at age 37 I now have to deal with it for myself and for the rest of my life.

I am just so fucking bent it's not even funny.

I am the lowest I have ever been in my life and honestly, I've felt pretty low during moments in my life for the amount of shit I've gone through. No matter how much effort I make, nothing is working. I try so fucking hard and nothing even moves in the right direction like I'm fucking cursed or something.

I feel lost and I feel alone and that's NOT the fucking person I am so that kills me inside. I never ask for help, I'm always there helping others.

Like literally everything, I blame myself for everything. It's like it's my fault I'm sick with these things. I know that's stupid and totally not true, but that's what I tell myself.

I am doing the best that I can do, but some days I just don't want to do it. Some days I'm just so slow going about everything.

I eat healthy. Sure I splurge like others, but since I've gotten sick? If I splurge for one meal once every month, it's a lot. I can't even fucking eat a piece of bread with a can of tuna without thinking what the bread might do to my sugar level.

It's like I love food so much and suddenly I'm like developing a fucking eating disorder over what every single piece of food could be doing to me.

I can't eat salt, I can't eat sugar. I can't eat fucking oatmeal. I can't eat cheerios. I can't even eat fucking wheat chex which is full of fiber. I can't eat fucking dairy. I can't eat fucking fruit.

I'm eating green veggies every single day and I can't seem to just be at normal fucking numbers or down to what they want me to be.

I've got side effects from the medication. I have to eat something with the medication. Now my entire system is slowing down so fiber up, but it still does nothing to move things along. Then I have to make sure I'm taking vitamins to supplement for all the shit the meds are depleting.

I'm fucking just tired of it all like JFC. I'm doing the literal best that I feel that I can do and I've got people coming at me like scolding me for shit that's not even my fucking fault and judging me.

Even my dad was a diabetic, but later on in his life. He was the one with the high blood pressure since he was like 29 years old -- and even that didn't kill him, the fucking stomach cancer did. The man ate healthier than anyone I knew once he hit like 55 years old -- and he fucking died of stomach cancer. Go fucking figure.

It's like you walk into the doctor's office and you get diagnosed with 5 things. They literally size you up and add shit to your chart you don't even want on there or you don't even know what they are.

It's like the dumbest shit to even say, but I sometimes feel like I've just been forgotten about. Like I'm being tested to see how much I can take before I just fucking crack and it's like I can't take any more. Maybe I could years ago or maybe I could before my dad died, but I can't take any more right now. I just want space and a fucking break so I can breathe and I feel like I'm being constantly monitored and forced to do shit that I don't want to do.

Anyone that knows how I blog here knows I'm a pretty silly and upbeat type of person -- and sarcastic as hell some of the time, too, but I'm really having a really tough time these days. I just try to put my best foot forward, but clearly, that isn't working at the moment.

I also hold a lot of stuff inside -- I always have since I was a kid so it's extremely painful for me to admit to how I honestly am feeling, but I'm just really down because I'm trying so fucking hard and it's like life just is like let's just fuck with her a little more and see how she does.

And through it all I can't call up my dad and be like hey Dad, can you believe this crap?! Or hey Dad, what should I do? Or hey Dad, how's the weather? I can't call him for any fucking thing anymore and that's a feeling I never expected to feel early into my life, and so suddenly.

I'm doing my best, but I'm also just fucking tired. Like something's got to give, but fucking when? I'm the most patient person in the world, but fuck -- when is something finally gonna fucking give?

[discordantwords]

Will I manage to get my Fandom Trumps Hate bids in on time before the norovirus that has taken over everyone in my household claims me as the last victim?

[barnables]

I'm careful about jumping on the "trump defrauded the election" claims. I know *some* fowl play was involved but I'm also not willing to deny the reality that his supporters exist in nauseating numbers and we should not for any reason think we can sweep that existence under the rug. We need to be aware of it. Even if Kamala had won It would be dangerous to move on like nothing happened or we could just forget it like a bad dream.

However.

During the past two or three weeks before the election I just found it really fucking weird that he was on tv seemingly unravelling and not giving a fuck. Like, canceling interviews, not showing up at rallies, rambling about nonsense, saying even more salacious shit than usual. Saying, on repeat, things like "they told me I shouldn't say this but-" and then dropping whatever turd he had to drop. Basically just, uncontrolled. Unfocused. Over it all. My sister and I just couldn't figure out why it suddenly seemed like he *wanted* to lose or he was throwing in the towel, just days away from the election, when obviously he has too much to ego to ever do such a thing. The only way any of that makes any sense is if king turnip somehow **knew he couldn't lose no matter what.** And the idea of that makes so much sense that it's honestly terrifying.

[lugarn]

i loved episode 8 of the gay pirate show. without caveats.

there's nothing complicated for my love of it, but izzy's death and funeral and the wedding after shot me right back to the 90s/early aughts. see, my mom worked in AIDS service orgs, and i, a very normal teenager, spent all my time in the waiting room talking to the people who came.

i also spent a lot of time going to funerals. it was unavoidable, a part of life.

izzy's death scene and funeral and the wedding aftermath shot me right back there! surrounded by family, angry that someone who i very much wanted to live had died. the feeling of deciding to live on happily to spite the thing that killed them.

it was always followed always by everyone trying their best to celebrate life. i was too young to go party with them, but watching them get ready to go party after the funerals was formative for me.

the only two shows i've seen capture this feeling, this very important time in my life, are pose and gay pirates. nothing else captures the cycle of funerals marked with a weird mix of rage, sorrow, and the need to re-capture queer joy.

[downthegenderriver]

Alastor more like Arostor lol

[zulubunsen]

A Goodbye to my Dog

or:

I Will Always Remember

Dear Holly:

I write this goodbye through tears of sadness from losing you, but also through tears of happiness for the near decade and a half of pure joy you brought me and our family. I will always remember that.

I will always remember the day you first brought your never-ending joy into our lives. I will always remember hearing a little yap from under the Christmas tree when I was just nine years old, and Meredith sobbing, asking "can we keep it?".

I will always remember the comfort and companionship you brought me at my worst moments. It was hard to be sad when you were snuggled at my side. Through happiness, through heartbreak, through peace, through change, you were there by my side.

I will always remember your personality. You had such a unique way of doing things. I'll remember all the times you tried to bury treats in your special blanket. I'll remember your insatiable hunger for bananas. I'll remember how you'd stick your ears up in the air like antennas when you were excited.

I will always remember caring for you in your autumn years. Helping you eat, helping you get around — I will always remember taking you for one last stroller walk hours before you died.

You were always there for me, and I am grateful I was able to be there in your last moments, holding your paw as you took your final breath. I will always remember that.

While we only had fourteen years together, the joy you brought us is never-ending. Even though you're gone, your memory remains forever.

I will always remember you.

Love, Mike

[alifeasvivid]

there's no "other" option... if you feel that strongly that it definitely isn't any of these, leave a comment P:

[ashton-slashton]

At this point idk why I even fucking look forward to anything anymore

[waywardsunlight]

I've been pretty frustrated with my friendships because I had to finally cut ties with somebody last February because I realized that they were just using me as a friend/ they had definitely moved on and were using me to get free support/to trauma dump, and then I got closer with a new person and then I didn't realize until it was pointed out to me that they were using me too. 😭 I feel so tired of being used and then I realized that I haven't been putting enough into the relationships with people who do care. I feel like I notice all the bad things and I forget the people who are actually there for me.

[sooz-again]

What's up, Sooz? Fandom Related Questions: A, B & C please?

Have a great day! ^.^

A: Your current OTP.

Hard to say. I don't really have an OTP, I'm a multishipper at heart and mostly either find characters I like a lot and then ship them with everyone, or someone else pulls me into their ship and I like them. So for now, I guess the closest I have to an OTP is Jet/anyone or Ty Lee/anyone.

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

So the part tripping me up with this question is the 'changed your mind' bit. If I hadn't considered a ship, I literally haven't ever thought about it. But once someone pitches a ship to me, I tend to like it. Whether or not I actively think about it is a different matter.

I guess the closest I've got to this are crack ships. Maybe Mai/Longshot, or Azula/Joo Dee. Ships where I'd never consider even putting them together to see what happens, but people wrote fics about them, and now I'm into them.

C: A pairing you wish you shipped, but just can’t.

The closest I've got to this is Zuko and Katara, and that answer really doesn't work for this question anyway because I do ship Zuko and Katara, just not actively. I like the ship, and I think that it is really great that there is a thriving community around the ship. The reason I don't actively ship them is that I realized that I don't perceive Zuko and Katara the same way that most within the ship's fandom do, and I don't want to bump heads with anyone for having a different opinion. It would be nice if I interpreted the ship in the same way as the rest of the fandom did, and it's unfortunate that I don't.

[buttercuparry]

Reblog the fundraisers you mfs!!!!! I don't know why you all skip those to reblog some pic of a banner saying "FREE PALESTINE" or of news from Columbia University! Literally these people from Gaza have made an account on Tumblr and is writing in english to communicate what they need and you all are coming onto my blog or on the tag and not reblogging their posts. We have people both Palestinian and non Palestinian vetting the fundraisers! I mean more the reblogs, more the chance of the fundraisers gaining momemtum, the more there would be a chance of a donation. Please donate if you can and reblog!!! and follow them if it is possible.

@/mohammedayesh has posted about getting leaflets, telling them to evacuate Rafah. They are very low on funds. Go follow them and reblog their posts and donate if possible.

We have @/haneenatya too whose mother is suffering from eye stroke and need to evacuate. Please I have been following them for some days and it doesn't seem their own posts are getting much attention.

Follow them! They are on tumblr. Reblog their posts and donate. The protests in universities are being done on account of them. They should be our focus.

(EDIT: on re-reading my post it seems as if I am dismissing all that the students of universities are doing. I am not. I just meant, since all of it is to help Palestinians, we must not ignore them when they ask for help).

[butchbait4butch]

hey transfems, i don't know which of you need to hear this but it's okay to never use your penis during sex if you don't want to. it's okay to tell your partner not to touch it, to ignore it even, and hold them to respecting that boundary, no matter how many times you've had sex with them, or even if you've had sex with them with your penis involved.

you're not weird or broken for having needs or having boundaries, and you deserve lovers who respect those needs and boundaries. as someone who knows first hand, it's not worth it not to speak up.

this is a post for bottoms, switches, and tops. for subs or dom/mes. for anyone who feels like their no will go unheard or that the only reason people are sexually interested in you are those who want a woman with a dick. i promise you there are people who are out there who will listen, who will get you, and who will treat you how you deserve.

in fact? that's the absolute base line that anyone deserves during sex, and you deserve that and so much more.

[roninkairi]

You can only reblog this today.*

*PLEASE READ THE TAGS

[walks-the-ages]

Without looking it up, when you first hear "Tornado Warning", what does that mean to you?

[museaway]

✍️ more fic writer asks!

reblog & your followers can send asks with the questions they’d like you to answer!

the last sentence you wrote

a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

how you feel about your current WIP

a story idea you haven’t written yet

first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

the word that appears the most in your current draft (wordcounter.net can tell you)

your preferred writing fonts

if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

a WIP you’d like to finish someday

a trope you’re really into right now

a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

where do you get your inspiration?

favorite weather for writing

favorite place to write

talk about your writing and editing process

if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

in what year did you publish your first fic?

when did you publish your most recent fic?

do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

pick three keywords that describe your writing

how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

are you able to write with other people around?

your favorite part of the writing process

your least favorite part of the writing process

how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

share a fic you’re especially proud of