#Or do we...Calvinism strikes again

[andros-paidophonoio]

My take on TSOA and Miller in general just to put it out there is that I like her writing and the way she describes a kind of idyllic, kind of proto paradisial love, it is very evocative and shows a very elegant and intimate presentation of affection in a way that I can see why ppl resonate with it. And the difference between her and some works attempting to imitate that style is....pretty stark lol. I think the stories are executed well in what they are going for, it's just that what is being executed--the approach to comfort and romance, the particular fantasy and desire being displayed is not something that suits my personal tastes or general approach to stuff at all. And this doesn't have to do necessarily even with historical or mythological "accuracy" but more how the stories themselves work for me, as works within their own universes.

(Some of my breakdown of my opinions under the cut. It's not "hate" bc I genuinely do not hate or even really dislike the works. I'm more trying to express my personal thoughts, and I'm happy when I do read things that make me have a lot of thoughts. Also I talk once again about Til We Have Faces)

I think what gets me about both books and the depiction of the ideal love vs cruel world etc is that they are stories that want to believe in the Inherent Internal Goodness of the characters despite their actions and seeks to kind of justify them morally by emphasizing their vulnerability and kindness in the society and world. Which is fine and all, but one thing that I personally find interesting is when one can be interested in and sympathize with characters but also you can see the way they hold and exercise and exploit power over others. Especially in historical settings. I get that especially for more romantic genres, there's a need for some handwaving of this so we can focus on happiness and arc of the focus characters, but it feels honest to me if they're appropriately terrible and unlikeable at times.

I get the fantasy that's kind of being presented is wanting to Be Good and Just and Beloved and have a blissful harmonious familial dynamic but that being in conflict with The Society...if I had to sum it up its very much that 2010s Tumblr "We Deserve a Soft Epilogue my Love" sentiment. Along with a desire and and love for men who are gentle and well-meaning and who have primarily *emotional* reciprocating expression... I get it ...but once again it doesn't really dig deeply into the discomfort of certain dynamics aside from the more acceptable "we must identify with the protagonist so they must be the Persecuted, and those outside are the Persecutors" aka the Homophobic/Toxic Masculinity/Rapist archetypes who are out there, Other.

Personally, after I read and was thinking about these books for a while I pulled out my copy of Til We Have Faces and revisited that. Now, I'm biased bc it's one of my favorite books, but it strikes me a lot as an interesting book to read parallel to Circe. Both retelling a classic myth from the perspective of an antagonistic figure, where a female character is regarded as ugly and abject (and a big source of the abjection coming from an abusive, powerful father) and because of that abjection, find and take comfort in other sources of power and influence. The stories are very different of course in both intention, but I felt like one thing I liked about TWHF is how it allowed its main character, Psyche's ugly stepsister Orual, to both be a rejected figure and one who suffers, but also show well, the way she also exercises privileges and power over people. She is treated terribly, rejected from being gendered as a desirable "woman" and a woman's role bc of her ugliness (while also being denigrated for being a woman), she desires love she has been denied violently, and it's not surprising that she acts in unsympathetic and judgmental ways. Throughout all this, She is also a princess, and later queen who believes she is descended from the gods, and in her society controls and sometimes takes the lives of her slaves, servants, and subjects. There is no contradiction; one can be a victim and also Lord power over others that you do not even realize. Her story and emotional journey is very interesting because it does not shy away from this complexity and discomfort, and it presents a world that is (in that novel, fictitious) but feels very ancient and alien in its practices and values.

In contrast, the worlds of Circe, Circe is not really given a chance to exercise power uncomfortably over anyone in the same way--she does do her cool Witch Behaviors but they are always Justified Actions, against once again The External Persecutors --violent rapist men, or Heartless gods. We don't need to face the discomfort of what it would mean for her to say, have attendants or servants or have a kind of hierarchy or what it means to. She basically Bootstraps herself into her power and is the Underdog the whole time.

Similarly in tsoa, we are presented with the kind and peace-loving Patroclus who is once again the Persecuted (by this time the External Homophobic Mom lol), and it goes out of its way to show his empathy with the womensuffering and the pain at The Society that causes the forbidden love to be forbidden. And maybe all this dancing around makes it easier for the average person to identify with the main characters bc whew who would want to identify with anyone who does anything BAD or in any way right???

But the thing is for me is that maybe we DONT "deserve" the Soft Epilogue, maybe, like Orual, we as people are a mix of shitty and exploitative in ways we refuse to acknowledge, even as we are tormented by our own Persecutors and traumas and lack of power in our lives and etc. but that doesn't mean u can't desire and seek happiness or be someone interesting and worth empathizing with... Idk I'm just not interested in the artistic tendency to want the character to be The Good Person, and the way we show someone is The Good Person is to show How Persecuted They Are, to be worth understanding and loving.

That's just my insta-thoughts, may expand later (I would like to write a more in depth analysis of TWHF bc I'm tired of the Very Christian analysis being the only one) but yeah. Idk in how this translates to my fanwork or whatever I'm not interested in justifying anything anyone does or "defending" or attacking faves. I'm interested in what I'm interested in, and it won't always line up with everything else. But that's ok, there's always room for different things, I'm carving out my spot of fun here like everyone else.

[vaaaaaiolet]

You accidentally throw a monkey wrench into supermodel Leon's Calvin Klein photoshoot, but you can't sweet-talk your way out of this one. Kennedy's got your tongue and your panties in a bunch.

Better hope you've got a fix up your sleeve.

f / m, slight nsfw, you just thirst over leon + you're REALLY awkward, fluff + romance, stupid one-liner attempts at humor + hunnigan mention!! I GIVE MYSELF THE ICK.

word count: 913 // read on ao3

a/n: @chesue00 made this GODLY ART. and i RAN INTO PEOPLE in PUBLIC looking at it because it got me so dizzy. i don't know what to DO WITH MYSELF 😭

find more drabbles in my collection: sketches for my sweetheart the drunk!

You’d passed all your English classes in college, but right now? It’d be a hell of a lot more useful to have taken a few in sign language.

“What’s wrong with her?” 

The camera crew’s never been able to perfect the art of the whisper. 

“Did she lose her voice or something?”

You fumble with the reflectors for the millionth time, bright material projecting your flushed face to high heaven on all three of the cameras’ viewfinders. 

There’s a really unfunny joke that starts like this: a photography intern walks into a bar.

Said bar happens to be supermodel Leon S. Kennedy’s back because you weren’t watching where you were going on the biggest day of your career, a Kennedy x Klein collab shoot starring the man you’d only been crushing on for, what, ever since you picked up your first fashion magazine? You’d left a sizeable smear of makeup on the pristine white of his T-shirt as a parting gift, and after that, you’d lost your ability to form words in shame. Mortifying, paralyzing shame.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

And as if in agreement, Leon’s agent bristles on the break couch behind you. 

He’s still in that stained shirt, by the way. Sipping thoughtfully from a bottle of water while his agent sounds off beside him, but the only thing on your mind is what you’d give to be on his drink’s business end. Condensation drips onto the coffee table when Leon sets it down, drop by tantalizing drop sliding down his fingers, ice melting in his palm that’s just big enough to grab a plush handful of your- 

His agent tears through your daydream, madder than a wet hen. ”There’s no time to order an exact replacement!”

“It’s just a shirt,” Leon chuckles, and you hear rolling thunder on the horizon. You’ve got it bad.

“It very clearly states in the Kennedy x Klein contract that we need a picture of you in a white T-shirt.”

“A tiny bit of lip gloss-” 

“An obvious stain!” the spectacled woman squawks. 

“Stain, whatever – just stop freaking that poor girl out, yeah?” 

Your ears perk up rabbit-style.

“Look at her, Ingrid,” Leon continues, and every cell of your body lights on fire because he has to be training his gunmetal eyes on right on you. “Poor thing hasn’t said a word since you started going off about that tiny mark. Turn around, sweetheart, just a moment.”

Who put your feet on a turntable? 

“See? Eyes bigger than the goddamn moon.”

And you just might faint, too. But you’ve got to fix this before you do. 

“Uhm, we…we could…” he nods when you stutter, patient as a saint, he’d talk you through it for sure, “take…the shirt…off?” 

A tilt of his handsome head. “Come again?”

You need to put your money where your mouth is. Even if the latter’s on strike right now. Pointing your chin back towards the set, you jerk your head for him to follow. Leon’s agent pinches the bridge of her nose, mumbling something about leaps of faith from chandeliers and not again, but the man in the stained shirt couldn’t seem to care less. His eyes gleam.

“Hands-on, then.” Leon cracks a grin, rising to his feet. “I’m all yours.” 

Leon is desire painted monochrome.

You nearly throw yourself over the table at the back of the shoot the minute Leon pops up on your monitor. The printer spits out picture after picture that couldn’t be safe for work in your wildest dreams, but here you are, getting paid to take softcore of Calvin Klein’s newest poster boy, and your jaw is about to make friends with the floor.  

You didn’t know eyes could talk before Leon Kennedy. 

In one shot, he’s gazing at you from the glossed page, bedroom blues sizing you up. He’s daring you. Drag your eyes down the page. Go on.

And oh, if the the journey doesn’t reveal the ridged muscles lining Leon’s stomach as he reaches to shuck the shirt off his shoulders. The stain is a forgotten memory replaced by a new one burned into your brain for the rest of eternity, and you’re not the talking about the cologne. You’re staring at the patterned Calvin Klein waistband of his boxers. Slung dangerously low over his hips, begging to be relieved of their duty, so close you could pull them off with your teeth. 

“Any closer and you’re gonna lick the page, doll.” 

And mess up his pretty face? You wouldn’t dream of it.

Leon laughs when you go ramrod straight. “Seriously. You did amazing with that shirt-pulling save,” he says. “I know it’s a little intimidating to work with Ingrid and my team, but you handled it like a champ.” 

He tugs the photo out from under your fingers, uncapping a nearby pen to scribble something onto its backside. His tongue pokes out when he writes. He’s the cutest Adonis you’ve ever seen when he hands it back. “I knew you could,” he adds.

And then all too soon, just as your own tongue regains feeling, Leon leaves amidst the flurry of post-production. Leaves is the polite way to put it; his agent practically hauls him out by the collar by the time you muster up the courage to wave goodbye. 

Really? After everything’s all done? 

Well, almost. You flip the photo to read his note.

Pretty eyes, pretty mouth too. Put that second one to use next time? :)

They do say practice makes perfect.

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comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

[jmdbjk]

Cultural reset...

These are just my own opinions and I think it's time I address this.

I had to google "cultural reset" to make sure I was using the term properly. New Google AI Overview says:

A cultural reset is when something significant in popular culture changes or is added, causing people to change the way they view things or to have a lot of people hop on the trend. For example, in K-pop, a cultural reset is a song that is very influential, usually one that gets pretty popular and many people love. It has a lot of influence over the K-pop fandom, and gets a lot of attention.

I did not ask Google AI Overview to specifically give me an example in K-pop. That's just my browsing history telling Google AI Overview that this bitch is obsessed... scary right?

(But I'm a little miffed that Google AI Overview generalized my BTS browsing history as K-pop because I don't look at or search up other K-pop artists. I am BTS only.)

Anyway, thank you Google AI Overview. Actually, I was more interested in styling concepts that are a cultural reset.

Let's stop stalling and just get into it.

I know none of us knew what to do with this Jimin when the photo folios dropped:

Definitely a cultural reset in my opinion.

We had never seen a Jimin like that before. Only in our fanfic-AI generated images imaginations had we ever thought...I don't think AI images was even a thing when this Jimin dropped on us.

Does anyone else have the urge to smooth the wrinkles and creases out of those pants for him? No? Just me? Ok.

Photo folio-black lace up leather gloved-patent leather panted-big chain belted-horny mask Jimin was a cultural reset for me and for many of us. The gloves really put it over the top. We'll never go back. He's covered from neck to foot except for a few slivers of skin. It's wild. It's just a smooth arm pit. Ok, before I run off the rails here... what was I saying? Oh yeah.

Also a cultural reset for me:

Every time I see this come up on my Youtube I watch it because it deserves all the views. Even the soundtrack was perfect.

I know Dora-the-Explorer haired Jungkook is not the favorite of some but I absolutely adore it... wait... sorry. There's a word there that I'm striking from my regular vocabulary from now on. Reasons.

This Jungkook was a cultural reset for me. He's never looked like this before and hasn't since in any concept photos. This was brilliant styling, I don't know if it was JK's regular stylist or if a Calvin Klein stylist did it but it was pure art.

He played that camera until the camera wilted, I just know it. I hope he grows his hair out long again when he's back with us.

And no shoulder booboo. I wonder when the shoulder booboo incident happened and I wonder if we'll ever hear the details.

While I'm talking about cultural resets, I have an honorable mention:

Not just this visual but the song too. PJM2 is coming. I feel another cultural reset coming.

Talking to my partner in crime the other day and I think a meeting DID occur where they detailed out a timeline for Project Naked Bangtan. Because they weren't going to go full frontal on us cold turkey. (Somehow all those words together sound hideous but you get my meaning.)

Regardless of Tae and his proclamation that "Chapter 2 isn't about us taking off our shirts" it is about showing a more mature side of themselves which inevitably is going to lead to showing some skin and some cuss words. Little did we know.

I can imagine how it went down in the brainstorm meeting of them trying to come up with content to fill in the time until they are all discharged...on a whiteboard possibly... because some of us are visual learners... someone drew a timeline of nakedness, possibly for each member.

I can hear it now:

RM: "We have to ease them into it. Who's first?"

Jin: "Hyung will do it." LMAO

What's been your Jimin and Jungkook cultural resets?

[starjaeyun]

backburner — suna rintarou mini series

🎧 now playing . . . backburner by NIKI

warning/s : angst, little to no 🤏🏻 fluff, toxic relationship!, profane language, more to be added soon.

status : coming soon. (might upload chapt. zero later or tomorrow)

taglist : open, just comment or send an ask

(block the tag #[mini series : starjaeyun] if you do not want to see posts related to any mini series written by me)

author’s note : hello! i am back again with a series (mini) which i hopefully will be able to finish 🥰 the story will flow according to the exact lyrics of backburner by NIKI. if the story does not go like you expected, do know that this is how i understood the lyrics mixed with a bit of researching & my own creativity 😁 by the way, bonus chapters are quite important!

zero. i can’t lie, it feels nice that you’re calling. you sound sad and alone and you’re stalling.

one. and for once, i don’t care about what you want. as long as we keep talking.

one, filler chapter. (as long as we’re talking)

two. i mean, you gotta admit history’s kind of unmatched.

two, filler chapter. asian calvinism, we made it out of that

three. well, whether we’re free of will or predestined. clearly, i’ve not learned my lesson even now.

four. hope he doesn’t strike me down

four, bonus! (strike me down)

five. the goo goo dolls are dead to me the way you should be too. but you bring them up.

five, bonus! along with, how much i fucking miss you

— titles of unpublished parts are subject to change, along with adding & deleting chapters 🫶🏻 happy reading everyone! ❤️

[ask-olive-huchers]

just for funnies, I'm gonna do a relationship chart thingy realll quick with the characters Olive has interacted with (plus maple, Chris, Ditch, and pebble bc they technically have met but there's so roleplay for them-)

Olive and Bailey: close friends, kinda like siblings! Olive definitely sees him as a big brother, though! And (don’t tell anyone!), They definitely look up to Bailey a lot

Olive and Sora: close! Sora is like the mother of the group, so naturally Olive see's him as a role model!

Olive and Zaria: they know she helped Rowan with her plan. So. hate.

Olive and jasper: ehh, neutral (ish). Just has fun messing with him most of the time. So I guess possibly another brother figure idk

Olive and Rowan: despises. Hates. Would kill. Could kill. It’s their fault. Or, that’s what olive thinks anyway.

• Olive and Finn: neutral. Not much to say in this in, olive just doesn't really know Finn that much.

Olive and Jay: ZERO OUT OF TEN. HATE EACHOTHER, DEARLY. WOULD PUNCH THIS MAN FOR A CRUMB OF BREAD BRO. ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM SHUT UP.

Olive and Skipp: do I even need to explain this one? ok, fine. Olive definitely "likes" Skipp. Let's put in simple terms for now, shall we?

Olive and Yuki: Dislike. Only bc bro was in a bad mood when they had met. Then again Olives kinda always in a bad mood, so..-

Olive and Ray: sorta dislike. Only because they had a bad first impression as well. But all of Olive's first impressions involve anger so..no hard feelings?

Olive and Quinn: a like for sure. I mean, her dog had already won them over! Plus she was pretty nice!

Olive and Stone: neutral. I mean, he's okay I guess.

AND NOW, TIME FOR THE OTHERS THAT ARE CONTROLLED BY ME!:

Olive and Ditch: hate. Hate. Hate. Pure annoyance. If given the chance, Olive would stab him in the neck and stomp on his body. They'd throw his body into the ocean. Plus, Olive would tie giant rocks to his body so he'd sink to the very bottom. Where no one could find him. But he's too important to the story so that'll never happen! Perhaps in another universe...

Olive and Chris: neutral. Not practically close, but Olive does like to call him out for anything he's done wrong. They find it funny how ironically clumsy he is.

Olive and Maple: neutral. That's all I have to actually say but, I don't reallly think they'd have have a straight bond. It would probably be from their friend group, if you know what I mean.

Olive and Pebble: I guess sorta like? I mean, he must be cool if they're dating Bailey. Right? Though I think they've only met like, once..-

AND BONUS: OLIVES RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS!! And Adi!

Olive and Calvin (their father): hate. I thought that was obvious..? But yeah. He's a pretty shitty dad who was verbally abusive and physically abusive. What was worse was it was only olive that WAS being abused, so it was favouritism for sure.

Olive and Charolette (their mother): Strong disliking. Not much as a hate, though. Their mother was fairly nice to them when they were younger. And the only golden child to appreciate. But once Their sister was born, Olives perfect little world had fallen apart.

Olive and Adi: let's get something straight. Olive hates a bunch of people. Like, a lot. But Adi takes the number one spot on the leaderboard. Olive absolutely DESPISES HER. I mean, she RUINED their life! If you were to ask olive how they ended up on the streets, they'd probably say their father. And little sister. If they could torture anyone until the end of time, Olive would 100% pick Adi. I mean, that's the whole reason they had murder their mother. To strike fear into the child, and to get the message clear for her small little mind.

And yeah! I think that's everyone? Question mark? Well, that's everyone olive met! I think? I'll probably put this is the masterpost, and it'll probably change over time as well!

Last updated : Aug 4th, 2024

[misosuper]

So given from the looks of it you’ve read the Talon comic quite in depth;

Say you work at DC Comics (May God have mercy on your soul but I digress) and were granted a good hefty amount of creative control with one particular assignment:

Brining Back Calvin Rose, Casey Washington and her daughter or at least having the reappear in any ongoing book of your choosing before they can get their own book once again should sales work great

Basically, what would you do if you’re writing a Talon book?

If ever found myself in that position, I don't need God's mercy nearly as much as some of the folks at DC if I cross paths with them. Assuming I successfully hold myself back from getting a restraining order against several members of the DC staff and focus on the project at hand:

Casey is the focal point for any meaningful interaction with current comics. By the end of Talon, Casey's group is continuing its former work but with significantly more funding. She's also had her civilian identity restored, along with her position as CEO of Securitus. She already has a team with plenty of personal history with different villains and organizations. That gives a lot of flexibility in how we could bring Talon into Dawn of DC.

One straightforward, easy answer for an ongoing series to reintroduce the Talon characters would be Detective Comics. Casey's team could reasonably collaborate with the usual 'tec cast by bringing their own strike team or intelligence to a case.

The other ongoing comic that comes to mind would be Birds of Prey. Dinah headhunting Casey for her expertise would be a cool way to see her reintroduced without bringing in the rest of her crew. I'd very happily settle for a good short-term cameo of Casey in BoP, maybe one that introduces a hero name for her now that she once again has a civilian identity to protect. Since this ask gave me creative control, I do what I want, and I'm giving Casey the codename Firewall.

But the true dream for reintroducing the Talon cast to an ongoing title, without question, would be the current Outsiders series. Casey already has a strong rapport with Lucius Fox, and in her role as CEO of a tech company with very strong ties to WE, Casey establishing a rapport with Luke in turn would be very reasonable based on her tech skills and professional role.

Just read the blurb for the current Outsiders comic and you will understand my vision:

What better way to compliment the goal of digging into the fictional "forgotten corners" of DC than to bring in characters from past titles? The goals of Luke's organization form an interesting venn diagram with the goals of Casey's. This gives us peak synergy, but with a supernatural twist that would be SO fun to see Casey and Calvin navigate. Anya and Joey would kick ass in this comic. I cannot imagine a more perfect way for Talon characters to re-enter canon than Outsiders, which is something I'd never have considered without this ask, so thank you for my new favorite brainworm. I'm going to be thinking about this forever.

Now onto the goal of a whole new Talon story. Sketching out what that would look like is far above my paygrade and ability level, so all I'm gonna do is outline my selfish wish list:

I'd love to see the end of Talon retconned. I gotta be honest, I think using the Lazarus Pits to perform Turbo Resurrection on Calvin was pretty cheap, and also undermines some of the most compelling and central aspects of his character explored in Talon Vol 2. Now that they've dealt with the Court, how does Calvin navigate freedom when so much of what he is and knows was shaped by their abuse? Now that he doesn't have to run away, what's he going to run toward? I want to see him wrestle with these questions, and a whole new Talon book can explore them in the ways the trite happy ending to the original series couldn't.

Now that the retcon is out of the way, I want this new book to explore Sarah more as a character as she ages - we ended Talon with a recovering but deeply traumatized kid. I was shocked that Talon had ZERO acknowledgement of the parallel that Calvin understands what being a kid brainwashed by the Court of Owls feels like, albeit as a Talon and not groomed to be an Owl. I want to see him help Sarah as she processes what she went through! There was a deeply bad scene at the end of Talon where Sarah was triggered by seeing Calvin in uniform, and Calvin was like "huh wild :)" without ANY meaningful connection and I am still wallowing in the missed opportunities there.

As this is quickly becoming a novel-length daydream session, I'm going to cut myself off here. This was such a fun ask to think over, thank you :D

Tl;dr crossover between Talon and Dawn of DC Outsiders my beloved

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 112 - The Little Redhead

Let's start the day off with a milestone for Lulu! She can sit up all by herself now.

Gemma's like "big whoop, I've been doing that for ages" and struts off with her knock-off Crocs in sport mode.

It's lunch time and Gemma is getting… better about eating her meals.

Xander: Are you going to fill up that hunger bar for Daddy? We can't go to the park on an empty stomach!

Gemma: Park!

She'll be too grouchy to play if she's not full. That's not a bribe, just a fact!

Gemma actually eats without complaining.

Ophelia: That's my girl!

Xander needs a shower and Lulu needs a bath, so Ophelia plays with her eldest daughter while they wait.

Ophelia: Hey, where'd she go?

Ophelia's mock confusion makes Gemma burst into giggles. Mommy's so silly!

Before we go, now that Lulu can sit, we need to do the traditional first smashed lemon taste test! Don't let the smile fool you, Lulu hated it!

Gemma: I wanna play with my food too!

Xander: No, muffin, we don't play with food.

Gemma: Lulu does!

Xander: She's a baby, Gem.

Ophelia: You're a big girl, you know better than Lulu.

Xander: Last time I checked, you're a big girl too and yet you still think feeding our kids food you know they'll hate is funny.

Ophelia: Aw, come on, I HAVE to!

Lulu's not amused but Gemma just wants to go to the park!

It's Lulu's first trip to the park, and Gemma's first trip as a toddler. Now she can actually do stuff! Exciting!

Obligatory shot of Xander being dad goals. It feels like just yesterday he was playing with toddler Violet Sistem at this park and now he's playing with his own little princess 😭🥹

The princess of the Lemon Legacy looks out at her royal subjects, the townies of this save file. A lot of them sure do dress goofy! Maybe if they give Gemma candy, she'll convince the Watcher to give them makeovers!

As she sets Lulu down for a nap, Ophelia tries to ignore the townies fangirling over her in the background. They're not bothering her family, or taking photos, so she considers them harmless. Then again, one of them is wearing a bag over his head. Who knows what his deal is.

Gemma jets off to play in the sandbox when she bumps into a little boy around her age. She's never spoken to another toddler before!

Gemma: Sorry. M-My name's Gemma. I like your hair. It looks like a carrot. I don't like carrots though.

Toddlers are the masters of word vomit.

Luckily toddlers don't really understand the concept of awkwardness.

Jaden: I'm Jaden! I like your piggytails!

Gemma: Thanks! My mommy braided my hair.

Jaden: My mommy and daddy don't let me do piggytails.

Gemma can't even imagine a hellish life like that!

Xander sees Gemma talking to a little red-headed boy and strikes a conversation with who he presumes is his dad.

Xander: That your little guy?

Calvin: Did the hair give it away? Calvin Huff, COO of Espo Enterprises.

Xander: Xander Lemon, guy who doesn't know what a COO is.

As Gemma and Jaden babble to each other about their favorite princesses, Ophelia starts a conversation with who she finds out is Jaden's mom, Anna.

Ophelia: Oh, I'm so glad Gemma's making a little friend. It's so hard to get out of the house with the paparazzi-

Anna: Huh?

Ophelia isn't offended or anything, but it's been rare to find someone who at least hasn't seen her on Simstagram or FlipFlop.

Ophelia: Oh, I'm the lead singer of a band, The Main Squeeze.

Anna: Ah. We don't really engage with mainstream media. It's a little too woke for us.

Ophelia: Woke? What does that mean?

Anna: Oh, you know, we try not to stray too far from The Watcher's light.

Ophelia: That does not answer my question at all but okay.

Ophelia doesn't want to ruin things with what could be Gemma's first friend, so she doesn't push further.

Gemma: My baby sister is sleepin' over there. She's stinky sometimes but she's funny. Do you got a baby sister?

Jaden: No… Daddy says I'm 'nough for him to deal with.

Gemma: Oh.

Jaden: Wanna make a sand turtle?

Jaden and Gemma get to work while their moms converse.

Anna: Look at them! So precious.

Ophelia: Yeah. That sweater vest doesn't look very comfy, though. Did you come from an event and not have any play clothes on hand?

Anna: What do you mean? Those are his play clothes.

Calvin and Xander get to the subject of Xander's new nectar-making hobby.

Calvin: You can make good money with that.

Xander: I just kind of do it to blow off steam.

Calvin: Anything to get away from your wife and kids, huh? I get you, brother.

Xander: …I don't think you do.

Ophelia: Okay, I've got your number. We can set up a playdate later. Xander and I would be more than happy to host.

Anna: Oh, that'd be wonderful. Calvin doesn't like having too many toys around the house so that works great. I'll bring funeral potatoes!

Ophelia: …Okay.

Calvin: You know, my boss is always looking for new business ventures and he's been interested in nectar. You mentioned your bar, so you've got an established name in the mixology biz.

Xander: I don't know, man, I'm just one guy.

Calvin: So was my boss and now he's a CEO!

I don't know how two toddlers managed to make something this intricate. Gemma's built different.

Gemma: We did it!

Anna coos as they hug.

Anna: Look at those two. Jaden's first girlfriend!

Ophelia: Uh, let's wait until they're not in diapers anymore before we start all that.

Anna: I must say, I'm so relieved Jaden has finally taken interest in a girl that isn't a princess. I was starting to worry he'd grow up to BE a princess, if you know what I mean!

Ophelia can't even fake a smile anymore. If Anna notices the awkward silence, she doesn't show it.

Before Ophelia can pop off on Anna for her bigoted comment, Gemma runs up to her.

Gemma: Mommy, did you see our turtle?

Ophelia: I did! Good thing it wasn't a shark, Aunt Marcie would have freaked out.

The things she and Xander do for these kids…

[esculentevil]

A few years ago, @thorinduil made a post asking “which songs make you think about Thorin, Thranduil and the Thorinduil pairing?” Last year, I answered them via reblog and then kept adding to it as I remembered/thought of more songs... Instead of reblogging THAT reblog for its one year anniversary, I decided to post my answers separately, here, and just update THIS list, instead, from now on. SO! Basically: My Thorinduil Playlist~ xD

"Walk Through the Fire" by Zayde Wolf feat. Ruelle

Also “Young and Beautiful” by Lana del Rey which I literally wrote a fic about.

And “Famous Last Words” by My Chemical Romance; perfect for survivor!Duil

Fuuu!!! “Poison” by Alice Cooper!!! Jive, how did I forget that one? Thank my mate, everyone; s/he reminded me rofl while we RPed

Rediscovered “Empire” by Shakira and think it’d fit them perfectly~

“Steady, as She Goes” by The Raconteurs has major wait too long vibes which, seriously, is 100% Thorinduil (especially since Thorin dies with his glue blood...); altho I’ll admit this one only occurred to me cuz it’s in my mate and I’s playlist and, like with Poison, we were talking about these two yet again lmfao and also this fanvideo which got me thinking of S,aSG halfway through it so... yea

AND “I Don't Care” by Apocalyptica ‘cause it fits/these both reminded me I love it

“I hate U, I love U” by Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien: this is literally their love story

Perhaps strangely, I think “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)” by Eurythmics, Annie Lennox, and Dave Stewart would work for them--especially Thorin

“Gingerbread Man” by Melanie Martinez; partly because of this video; but also because of the climax of the song not shown in that edit (which is a real shame cuz that was sort of the part that sealed it for me and got me to add it to this list): Thranduil is so the icing on Thorin and Thorin’s so the crumbs on Thranduil and they’re 100% loving hard, fighting, breaking, and eating each other into nothing

“I Want To **** You Like An Animal” by Nine Inch Nails; for obvious reasons

“I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meat Loaf because, legit, that’s just Thranduil on top of that cliff refusing to throw away his people/family

“Say Something” by A Great Big World because acesout is right

“Unsteady” by X Ambassadors because, after writing “Once I trusted/relied on/believed in you and you let me down” and “Once I had hopes that we could build something beautiful together but reality reminded me that I’m old and ugly and not good enough (for you) so I thought it best to let you go when I should’ve held you” in this and reading acesout’s post linked above and realizing it’s true... I just want to see/read them holding onto each other like this v.v They deserve it.

“Rude Boy” by Rihanna and probably also “Only Girl in the World” by her, too; actually, “We Found Love” ft. Calvin Harris and “Diamonds” and “Stay” ... Huh... Rihanna actually has a LOT of songs perfect for them... their whole love story...

“Enemies” by Lauv because the sentiment is so them.

“Fire” by Wang Yibo because this romance is ALL about playing with fire~

“Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows cuz it’s literally what happened

“Not Another Song About Love” by Hollywood Ending because, seriously, everything about this song is them: they hate everything about each other while also needing everything about each other and wanting each other’s love ‘til it all runs out ‘cause they’re all that each other’ve been dreaming of~

“I'm Not Afraid” by Tommee Profitt ft. Wondra but mostly just the first part/verse; the rest of it strikes me more as Thranduil fighting depression/Sauron’s shadow while knowing he’s not only lost Thorin as a lover but gained him as an enemy...

“Locked Away” by R. City ft. Adam Levine cuz it’s literally Thorin losing it all--from mountain to crown to gold--and yet not getting that Thranduil locking him up IS him sticking with him, by his side, and grounding him through the goldlust

“Baby Love” by The Supremes because Mizugetsu on YT is a folking genius and I always liked this song anyway--also, it just really fits them rofl and their story

“Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer: the “dangerous beauty/love to hate” vibes just work and the simp!Thorin feels--@lady-astria and I were just talking about this!

“Always” by Saliva because there’s nothing unThorin[duil] about it; it’s all them (especially, I think, from Thorin’s POV post-Smaug straight up to BotFA)

“Kiss from a Rose” by Seal because “my power, my pleasure, my shame” period. But also it really does sound like Thorin singing about Thranduil, his lit rose.

"Let Her Go” by Passenger; because sometimes you only know you love him when you turn away from him and his burning home to protect your own... or when you’re dying with a hole in your chest and finally UNDERSTAND WHY your One did that and finally stop hating him for it... because you never did.

“Unconditionally” by Katy Perry because it sounds like Thorin (mostly) and Thranduil grappling with their surprisingly deep love for each other as well as their inability to trust each other after all the betrayals they’ve suffered through; this song is what I think would happen if Thorin just admitted Thranduil was right and a good king for not asking his people to die for the dwarves that ignored him—and if Thorin’s love for Thranduil were stronger than his need to be number 1 or to horde and covet literally everything including Thranduil’s love and attention.

“A Sky Full Of Stars” by Coldplay because, in the canon, Thorin IS this to Duil and Thranduil WAS this to Thorin and every night he sees him there still

“Gravity” by Sara Bareilles; because something always brings them back together—it never takes too long—and they’re always there for each other... even when they’re gone

“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri because it’s literally reincarnated!Thorin with Never-Sailed!Thranduil forever waiting for his love(s)’s return~

“Broken” by Lifehouse because Thranduil’s still holding post-canon; and, truly, they were both holding onto each other before all that even if they won’t admit it

[battle-of-alberta]

meta thoughts i am having today, i think it's interesting how i will meticulously study scenes in calgary to make sure you know it's calgary, but when it comes to drawing my own city its like "city hall be upon ye" over and over and I'm trying to figure out why that is and why i am so reticent about injecting more edmonton-ness despite spending the majority of my time here and unwittingly contributing to the 'edmonton is a nebulous vague idea with a loose identity' or 'edmonton is a sketchy, depressing place' that i wanted to combat.

i think part of it is i feel self conscious about putting everything i do with my pals into my comics for some reason, which is silly. part of it is also because a lot of things i do "from life" are every day chores that are either very generic or somewhat particular to the area i live which i don't want to overdraw from. another part of it is because i work for an organization that focuses on edmonton history i'm conscious about leaning on it too much, because while it is super interesting i also feel weird about it?? and i also fall into this spiral of wanting to portray times and places i didn't live in "correctly" and end up doing nothing at all.

apart from the psychological hurdles i'm starting to identify in my own mind... as much as i draw ed as the snarky and sarcastic wet blanket most of the time and particularly to channel my political frustrations... i do really love edmonton and i think there are a lot of amazing beautiful things here, as well as silly things... but I take a lot of things harder as well because it strikes closest to home for me when bad things happen or i see chronic problems, and i usually use ed to express that. as a result calvin doesn't carry as much of the "baggage" and he's easier to write and for other people to relate to as a result. It's a lot harder to portray my own city by virtue of being my own city but also because we have our own chronic self image problems that are thankfully changing, it's just how to portray them to other people that is difficult for me.

anyway, tldr, i've just been looking at my art and feeling unsatisfied, so i need to go outside more and start looking at things with fresh eyes again i think! or, at least, use the zillions of reference photos i take every day for Something. It's my absolute favourite time of year and I want to be out in it.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 08/04/2023 (Tyler the Creator’s ‘CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST: THE ESTATE SALE’, Jisoo)

We see a third #1 in three weeks, as for the first week, Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding take the throne on the UK Singles Chart with “Miracle”, becoming Harris’ 11th #1 track and Goulding’s fourth (excluding charity singles). The duo finally reaches the #1 spot after years of top 10 collaborations like “I Need Your Love” and “Outside”, and it’s a damn great song, probably my favourite #1 of the year so far, so I’m far from complaining. With that out of the way, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Enough about the #1, let’s get to the real star of the show as we start, as always, with the notable dropouts: songs exiting the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This was one of those mildly dull and less busy weeks, so there’s not much going on in the dropouts, but we do say farewell to all of Lana Del Rey’s tracks as well as “Love Again” by The Kid LAROI and “LET GO” by Central Cee, neither of which I care about too much.

As for what’s filling in the gaps, well, we have “Lavender Haze” by Taylor Swift returning to #70 and as for our notable gains, we see boosts for “Afraid to Feel” by LF SYSTEM for whatever reason at #64, “Last Night” by Morgan Wallen at #59, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers because of course at #58, Luke Combs’ cover of “Fast Car” up big off of the debut at #54, “Oh Baby” by Nathan Dawe and Bru-C featuring bshp and Issey Cross at #36, “Here” by Tom Grennan at #31, “Hell n Back” by Bakar at #28, “Can’t Tame Her” by Zara Larsson at #27, “Mother” by Meghan Trainor at #22 (Augh), and some big gains within the top 20, those being “REACT” by Switch Disco featuring Ella Henderson and the late Robert Miles at #15 and “Whistle” by Jax Jones featuring Calum Scott at #14.  

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart consists of “Calm Down” by Rema at #5, “People” by Libianca reaching a new peak of #4, last week’s chart-topper, “Eyes Closed” by Ed Sheeran, falling down to #3, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus at #2 and of course, “Miracle” at #1. Now for our batch of new arrivals, which evidences a slightly slower week but still with some songs of interest as we actually span four continents, starting of course with Europe... if we still count as part of that.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Make Me” – Borai & Denham Audio

Produced by Borai & Denham Audio

I’ll bite: who are Borai & Denham Audio? Well, Borai is a Bristol producer whose real name is the... oddly funny “Boris English” and Denham Audio is a group out of Sheffield, and they both make breakbeat so naturally my ears perked up immediately when I saw this charting, even though it’s a song from 2019 by two seemingly unknown artists. Hell, it did get a 2023 reissue and we’re probably getting more quality from the unknown guys than the A-listers so, is it any good? Well, obviously, I’m going to approve of it in some regard – it samples one of the best dance-pop songs of all time, “U Sure Do” by Strike which in itself is a fascinating mish-mash of samples that already charted. Strike took the vocal from singer Donna Allen’s debut single “Serious”, which hit #8 here in 1986, and the synth from Belgian duo Cubic 22’s 1991 hit “Night in Motion”, which peaked at #15. What was created was a song of childlike euphoria, which used its sparse production to great effect by only choosing what was necessary for the track to go off. It’s an adorable dancefloor filler that ended up out-peaking its source material at #4 in 1995. Strike didn’t last long afterwards but “U Sure Do” is immense, with one of its less regarded aspects perhaps being its more confused verses, with the corny “Let’s do it” vocal, echoing delivery and hypnotic bass. Whilst “Make Me” doesn’t make use of the verses necessarily, it does emulate the deliriousness by placing Allen’s vocal onto a joyful loop not dissimilar to the original before picking it apart in a muddy, treadmill break with racketing drums and the leads playing second-fiddle to a warping bass, whilst that mesmerising loop professing love plays just on top. It takes a song that was pure joy and makes it feel kind of cosmic and alienating, which is an interesting and kind of fitting take for post-pandemic EDM. It’s not the most intricate breakbeat I’ve ever heard, but it matches its thesis pretty excellently and I’m a sucker for pretty much anything that sounds like this so I hope the sample is enough to help this stick around past a couple weeks. It’s pretty solid.

#63 – “SORRY NOT SORRY” – Tyler, the Creator

Produced by Tyler, the Creator

California rapper Tyler, the Rapper released a deluxe version of his 2021 album CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST subtitled THE ESTATE SALE, and honestly, a lot of the tracks should have been on the standard version – if you take six of the best tracks from the standard and six of the bonus tracks, you get a great, mostly concise bombastic and thoughtful rap album, but alas, this isn’t a perfect world so there’s a lot of filler in the standard album that honestly makes the deluxe tracks sound a lot more refreshing, especially this one, which acts as the closer and probably should have always acted as the closer to the album as it sums up a lot of the general mood and thesis of all versions of the album: an unapologetic retrospective on his career thus far that he’s not afraid to brag about but also try and understand in greater context of his progression as a human. It would be pointless to sit here and pick apart this one three-minute verse because all of the sarcasm is balanced with sincerity and whilst it may make him seem unlikeable at times when he talks about social issues, that is a result of a lot of overthinking, which I can be guilty of with Tyler’s music before. Ultimately, the lyrics here are a genuine stream-of-consciousness that finds itself trickling into many different aspects of his life and career, whether it be his relationships, his mother, Odd Future or his signature McLarens, and the most it could ever feel is honest. It can be very difficult as a celebrity to separate those who have your best interests in mind to simply haters in it for self-gain, especially when confronted with the two on a daily basis, and people often being one of the two depending on the day, and “SORRY NOT SORRY” is a deeply personal song for sure, but on a grander scale, feels like an examination of that. It helps that this is a drumless track – not the lack of percussion, but rather the genre – wherein Tyler is rambling over a beautiful, lo-fi sample, with an occasional ramping up of tensions that allows DJ Drama to go really over-the-top in his ad-libbing, which sounds oddly emotive and vulnerable this time around. Fittingly for its subject matter, it’s a warm sample layered with backing vocals and those moments of intensity that push you further from reaching Tyler as a human before you can come back and try and understand... yet the song ends with him blocking you out once again. The way this is accentuated with DJ Drama saying “we really mean it this time” is the cherry on top of this nuanced, complex and openly hypocritical narrative that is compelling throughout and absolutely one of Tyler’s best songs. It’s one verse, with barely any drums and a whole lot of flow switches, so I very much doubt it’ll last past this one week, but it’s an excellent track nonetheless.

#61 – “Cupid” – FIFTY FIFTY

Produced by Sung Il Ahn, Adam von Mentzer, Mac Fellander-Tsai and Louise Udin

K-pop girl group FIFTY FIFTY have had their breakout in the western world with this new single “Cupid”, and it seems to be a more natural streaming push rather than any sales nonsense. If that’s where K-pop is going, then I suppose I’ll have to learn these girls’ names like I did for BLACKPINK – more on them later – but I honestly think don’t think this single will go anywhere far, at least for now. It was brought to my attention before it charted and whilst I prefer it to a lot of K-pop, I still can’t fully enjoy it. This is mostly because of how there are so many nu-disco songs that sound like this out there, and maybe outside of the sound being oversaturated, I’d enjoy this a bit more... but this is potentially too clean and cutesy, even if the harmonies are pretty gorgeous in that chorus. The maturity with this lighter, more relaxed disco sound kind of flies out of the window with the rap verse, so we end up with a song that in either its Korean or English version doesn’t really bring anything interesting to the table despite its competency. I can’t say it’s bubblegum because it’s not all that optimistic about love, but it definitely feels like it’s lacking – it’s kind of like a lounge track, but if it went further into that relaxed route, maybe slowing the tempo, getting rid of the stupid rap verse, we could have something pretty good here but, as is, it’s silently competent.

#60 - “UNAVAILABLE” – Davido featuring Musa Keys

Produced by Magicsticks

Nigerian singer Davido released his newest album Timeless last week, which hit #10 on the albums chart, and the breakout hit from it in the UK seems to be this track featuring South African musician Musa Keys, and surprisingly enough, not the track with Skepta. Did the UK make a good choice with this one? Well, I like the groovy Afrobeats rhythm that picks the pace up a bit as well as the lo-fi samples added in the intro, which I kind of wish continued instead of just acting as producer tags as they would definitely fit amidst the distant group vocals and oddly rubbery, squibby bass – almost reminding me of dubstep – that sounds really interesting and I actually love it given how bass-heavy and rhythm-focused this song is. The hook is a basic call-and-response melody about being unavailable and emotionally stoic, and whilst I wished there was more detail – maybe there is further into the album – it sounds genuine and honestly purposefully isolating with Davido’s Auto-Tune-drenched frustration in the verse transcending language in a really instinctual, guttural way and knowing what Davido’s been through recently with the death of his son, it hits pretty hard, even if I’m not personally a fan. I might be if I check out more after this as I’m really impressed by this. Even our guest, Musa Keys, brings their flailing falsetto harmonies to both a smooth verse and an outro that sounds like hyperventilating. I’m surprised by how much I like this but please do check it out if you haven’t: it’s a vulnerable and infectious track that I’d really like to hear more of – if anyone is willing to lead me towards Davido tracks or Afrobeats songs in general that sound this cold and lonely, it’d be greatly appreciated.

#44 – “VOID” – Melanie Martinez

Produced by Melanie Martinez

Sigh, I’m posting this on Tumblr, Melanie Martinez’s breeding ground, so pray for me, but I still don’t like Melanie at all. I found the focus on childhood trauma remarkably uncomfortable and feigned for her first couple years in music, and the step beyond that with this third record, whilst appreciated, has not led to any more substance in the music, or at least not in the singles as I have yet to hear Martinez’s #2 album PORTALS and I’m honestly not sure if I’ll ever want to. This second single doesn’t change my mind either, with its staccato, doomer indie rock bassline and drums that feel just void – no pun intended – of any emotion or passion. You’d think a song that starts with a verse about panicking, spinning and being controlled by society injecting ideas into you would be less dull and unconcerned with its own plodding rhythm. The inner turmoil in the overlong chorus is interesting to hear considering... well, pretty much everything that regards Melanie Martinez, but it’s not delivered in a way that feels all that interesting or impassioned to me. Out of all things that Melanie has been – uncomfortable, awkward, long-winded and practically comical – boring was not one of them, but I guess that’s now checked off of the list. Again, I’m not a fan – much like “DEATH”, if I were into the lore, I think I’d understand and vibe with this a bit more, but to an outsider, and I understand I very much am on the outside looking in with Melanie, it’s not that worthwhile of a listen. Sorry.

#39 – “DOGTOOTH” – Tyler, the Creator

Produced by Tyler, the Creator

The lead single from Tyler’s deluxe album is much simpler in comparison to “SORRY NOT SORRY”, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile. The vintage keys sound great under the dirty South beat, especially with those signature semi-spacey synths Tyler adds to a lot of his production, and his delivery is some of his most confident and straightforward, as he inseminates his relationship problems into a lot of careless flexing in a way that’s honestly just fun, as he tells women never to follow advice from anyone with a lean gut. Each drop goes hard, and it’s pretty fun to hear Tyler (and DJ Drama) balance the celebration with Tyler’s confusion regarding his love life and trust issues that may undercut the verses but make the chorus a lot more instinctual and accessible than if it were also fully in flex mode. It’s nothing all that special for Tyler but with the smooth backing vocals, great unique mixing, it’s a type of banger that he doesn’t often deliver and I appreciate it as a lead single, since it’s a more well-constructed throwaway flex than a lot of the standard album, including its own lead single “LUMBERJACK”. Again, I would have loved for these deluxe tracks to end up on the original but alas, we don’t live in a perfect world, and this song is absolutely solid enough.

#38 – “FLOWER” – Jisoo

Produced by 24

Back to Korea we go with Jisoo, the fourth and final member of the K-pop quartet BLACKPINK to release a solo debut single, so maybe it was worth it learning everyone’s names. I’ve liked the solo efforts much more than the group work, mostly because they can be more focused, so I was kind of optimistic with this one and hey, it’s not half-bad. It’s a somewhat childish song in its minimal rhythm and staccato, literal “do-re-mi” verses (she actually says “ABC, do-re-mi”), but I feel like that works best for the pettiness of her shaming her partner for being the reason why their relationship fell apart. It’s the initial bitterness which she brings to an almost condescending pluck and snap beat with those stabs of synth feeling like exposés of this person, even if she’s not particularly biting unless the English translation isn’t doing it any wonders. The harmonies in the build-up are pretty sweet before leading to a vocaloid drop that is very 2017 but in a rather cute, inoffensive way. Most of my issues with the song are also elements of praise, in all honesty, but the conceit of nature that follows Jisoo throughout the track works pretty well, with the line “there was nothing left but the scent of a flower” being a pretty good pre-drop wham line. It’s a bit under-produced, sure, and Jisoo performs well but not uniquely... yet it’s catchy enough and it’s got a good rhythm and lyrical motif so I’m fine with this sticking around (if it does; this is K-pop we’re talking about), even if I’m not quite as impressed as I was with her bandmate ROSÉ.

Conclusion

Honestly, this was a pretty good week, though also one that had a strange fixation on all-caps titles. Even the worst songs were pretty inoffensive and there is some shockingly good stuff here too – Tyler, the Creator obviously runs away with Best of the Week for “SORRY NOT SORRY” and he was close to snabbing the Honourable Mention but I’ll actually make it a tie between “DOGTOOTH” and “UNAVAILABLE” by Davido featuring Musa Keys, which was a pleasant surprise. As for the worst, it should be obvious, with Worst of the Week going to Melanie Martinez for “VOID” even though that’s far from her worst track. It would feel pretty insincere giving a Dishonourable Mention given that these are otherwise decent songs, so I suppose that’s it for our week. Buckle up: Drake’s coming next. Joy. Just delightful. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

[ajora]

In life, Darlene Kilpatrick was a perfectly nice woman, even if no one particularly liked her. At church, her fellow housewives would stand around with pained grimaces as she talked excitedly about her grandson's new boyfriend and her questions about what to serve at Thanksgiving to a nice Muslim boy. Attempts at dissuading her rewarded an unfortunate soul with either blank stares or a late arrival at their doorstep with Bible passages and printed out Wikipedia articles marked up for in-depth discussions.

The little old lady with horn-rimmed glasses and pink in every bit of clothing could be found at potlucks and social events, even if no one invited her. With her she brought salsas too spicy for her companions, vegan plates out of consideration for vegans who didn't go to her church, or experiments in more ethnic foods that had her fellow rural Midwesterners force a smile as she shoved a sample on them and quietly throw it away later.

Darlene tried to include everyone, even if they weren't there. It's what Jesus would have wanted.

When she died, she had hoped to join the heavenly host and spend her eternity singing praises among the angels, so on and so forth. She hadn't expected the sterile white waiting room of Purgatory, or the demon sidling up to her with a box of her old accoutrements.

"First off, you're not here as a resident," the demon begins from behind a plastic clipboard. He looks a bit like Idris Elba, whom she had a bit of a soft spot for. "We have an exchange agreement with Heaven, you see. You're to educate some souls here on what it means to be a true Christian. Provided for you are your annotated Bible and iPhone. You will find it's already logged into our Wi-Fi; cursed souls are only allowed spotty service and we cannot have them accessing the good network. Now, is there anything you need?"

The implication of his words is that she's there to torment the hypocrites, as there are a great many true Christians who are terrible people. The Bible is, after all, an imperfect work attempting to share the words of a perfect God. But Darlene does love to talk at length about her time in seminary, about the different interpretations of passages and changing cultures, about Calvinism and its influences on the various sects that arose in the United States, and she agrees.

"Do I come back here when I'm done?"

The demon smiles in that devastatingly handsome way Idris Elba does. He has those yellow eyes, like when Idris played Heimdall. "When you wish. You will find snacks in the break room. There is a map loaded on your iPhone so you won't get lost."

The small bit of Darlene that she thought lost within her marriage to an increasingly conservative man perks up at the thought of her new work. "Who do I work on first?"

"I believe you have Pat Robertson. Or Jerry Falwell? Your agenda is in the box. They are a captive audience and you're allowed as much time as you need. Give 'em Hell."

As the demon leaves, Darlene reaches into the box to pull out a bright pink, glittery agenda book with the silver bookmark she got from a Navajo souvenir stall when she visited Monument Valley in the 1970s and a feather-tipped pink pen from her time organizing the local Women's Strike for Equality. She had been a firebrand once, she remembers.

She's happy to be one again.

-----------

Note! the demon appears to people as whomever they might be tempted by. They appear to Darlene as something like Idris Elba; they will appear to someone else like Marilyn Monroe, or young Marlon Brando, or Billie Eilish.

There’s good news and bad news. Bad news, you’re in hell. Good news, you’re not being punished. You are the punishment.

[reproducedvoice]

I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling

You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling

And for once, I don't care about what you want

As long as we keep talking (as long as we're talking)

I mean, you gotta admit the history's kind of unmatched

Asian Calvinism, we made it out of that

Well, whether we're free of will or predestined

Clearly, I've not learned my lesson even now

Hope He doesn't strike me down (strike me down)

The Goo Goo Dolls are dead to me

The way you should be too

But you bring them up

Along with how much I fucking miss you

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried

Maybe life's less romantic when I don't wanna die

You'd think I'd be a fast learner

But guess I won't ever mind crisping up on your backburner

Backburner

Your backburner

Your backburner

Your backburner

It's pathetic, but at least you are, too

I don't know what to do

I don't like anyone except sometimes you

And now you're sounding like a hurt puppy

You look ugly when you cry

But I'm the one you think to call

How do you feel lucky and appalled at the same time?

After everything you put me through

I somehow still believe in you, oh-oh

But I know in a week or so

You'll fade away again

And I wish that I cared

Hey, are you still there?

Good

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried

'Cause maybe you'll finally choose me after you've had more time

I thought I was a fast learner

But guess I won't ever mind, guess I won't ever mind

Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride

Maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes

(It's their fault that)

I'll always be in your corner

'Cause I don't feel alive 'til I'm burnin' on your backburner, oh-oh

(Backburner, your backburner)

And I know that it's sad that I settle for the backburner, oh-oh (your backburner)

(Your backburner, your backburner)

Guess I won't ever mind crisping up on your backburner, oh-oh (your backburner)

(Backburner, your backburner)

As long as you still think of me, oh, oh-oh (backburner, backburner)

[jmdbjk]

Mid-year recalibration

It's been a year since Festa Dinner 2022. A LOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN.

And on January 1, 2023, I posted my "predictions" for the year. "Predictions" in quotes because most everything I write is sort of slightly unserious, not to be taken TOO seriously, begs for you to please use your common sense... also I haz a little sarcasm dripping here and there when I express my thoughts. Drip, drip.

So let's see the status of my "predictions":

Solo albums... wellll, I sort of got that right, Jimin's FACE was released before Yoongi's D-Day. We're still waiting for Tae and Jungkook. RM keeps putting off enlistment to work on new music. I'm gonna have to drag him by the ear to training camp... get yer ass in there so you can come back sooner than later!! But we did get to see him for Festa and I'm thankful for that.

New prediction: Jungkook comes through with a chart topper that doesn't involve a collab.

Speaking of Tae, I said he'd do more acting before music and though it's not really acting, he's been in a few reality TV shows: "In the Soop: Friendcation" and "Jinny's Kitchen." There are rumors he was spotted on the set of a K-drama and now possibly he was in Spain for a movie...or was that for an upcoming solo MV? Surely he'll have at least a little bit of music before he enlists? Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing him actually acting in a drama... we wait.

New prediction: Piano bar listening party for his solo release.

Military enlistment... wow so far I've struck out. Joon is still hanging around. Yoongi has extended his world tour (which I'm happy to say I've been to a concert). And HOBI IS ALREADY ENLISTED....

😭

So 3 strikes I'm out because obviously their enlistment timing is unpredictable. Right now I'm just hoping that by May 2024 (yes almost a year from now) they'll all be in so we can have a New Year group reunion on Dec. 31, 2025. Of course, I hope they go much sooner though it kills me to know we have to watch them enlist again and again.

My other predictions were hit and miss:

Yoongi did cut his hair so I was wrong about that. Also sad. I loved his long hair. And this NBA ambassadorship came outta left field. The D-Day world tour was the bomb he dropped on us, his big project. Oh well, guess there won't be any tangerine soju coming from his non-existent citrus orchards. Ha!

Hobi DID release more music, On the Street, and it WAS a collab with J. Cole. AND he became fashion ambassador for his fave: Louis Vuitton. God I miss him so much. Instagram is so quiet without him. Everything is so quiet without him.

We finally got PJM1 and it has a name now, FACE and Like Crazy has broken records. Jimin as an artist has broken records as we knew he would and he is still making music. And he's travelling the world being a Dior and Tiffany ambassador and snatching everyone's wig, eating everyone alive and just being Jimin. His constant happy smile has been the most meaningful thing to me this year. I'm so thrilled he is happy.

Jungkook... the Bunkoo has stumped me. The Calvin Klein contract is amazing. His spontaneous lives have been wonderful. Cooking for us has been awesome. None of that could have been predicted. He's the sweetest king of spoilers and support for Jimin's stuff. I also did not predict I would love him even more this year. But here we are.

NOT ON THE PREDICTION RADAR WHATSOEVER:

Jimin on a Fast & Furious franchise soundtrack collab. I NEED MORE JIMIN!

Tae and Jennie "soft" revealing their relationship publicly. Like WHAT? But they did that.

Also blonde Tae... I never thought we'd see a blonde Tannie again.

Attending a Suga/Agust D concert and meeting up with Army friends I met on the internet. HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR!

[I can't believe I saw Yoongi in real life. This close.]

2023 is already half way over. I have no idea what will happen this second half of 2023. It's a mystery.

As much as I am reveling in having so much to look forward to every day and every week, and as much as I wish this didn't have to happen...I (selfishly) really want them to get enlisted so they can be back together as soon as possible in 2025 (at any point in 2025). The first time I see them together in 2025, I am going to cry with relief. However I am always the first to say BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR so I know I shouldn't even been saying any of that...

Anyway...

I guess at the end of December, I will be looking back and saying "well, who would have thought THAT would happen?" More of "not on the prediction radar." By December, Jin will only have six months left. Time is flying faster than I thought it would when back on June 13, 2022. After that heartbreaking Festa dinner, we were staring down a bleak two and a half years of being Bangtan-less....well that didn't happen did it?

[accessiblecalvinhobbes]

4 Panel Comic - Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson. Calvin is a young boy often in a striped shirt. He has an imaginary tiger friend named Hobbes. When Calvin is alone Hobbes is a tiger who stands on his hind feet and talks only to Calvin. Others see Hobbes as a stuffed tiger toy that Calvin carries with him. Panel 1: Calvin is at the table with food and a cup before him before he buurrp! Panel 2: Calvin's mother looks at him and says "Good heavens Calvin! What do we say after that?" Calvin smiles and says "Must be a barge coming through!" Panel 3: Calvin's mother getting angry asks again "What do you say?!" Calvin replies "That sure tasted better going down than coming up!" Panel 4: Calvin's mom puts her hand to her cheek as she looks at him at the table and says "Three strikes and you're history, kiddo." Calvin thinks and covers his mouth before softly saying "Excuse me." The softly is implied by the side of the font compared to all other text.

[vicshush]

[ID, part 1 : A 26-page comic about a man lost in a woods, helped and hunted. The cover is blocky, pale yellow text against a background of tree trunks in the dark. The title reads "Folk Tale 1" and the author/artist is listed below in thin white text : "By Calvin Beeman-Weber". The first page has 6 panels of a pale man with a brown mustache, red hat and collar, khaki green jacket, and light bluejeans standing in a dark woods, looking around at tree trunks of varying browns. He says to himself "Where the hell am I? Hm" then turns as someone off-panel says "Wallace". On the second page, he sees a young man with short red hair in a two-tone green doublet or vest and long sleeved shirt. The young man says brightly "How are you doing, old chum?" The man asks "I'm sorry, who are you?" The young man says, annoyed, "Well, I never!" Then he looks thoughtful, asking "Or aren't you Caleb Wallace?" The man answers "Ah, I see your problem there. Caleb Wallace is my grandfather's name." The young man raises his eyebrows, asking "Your grandfather?" On the third page, the young man continues "Why, you're just the spitting image of him! How's the old man doing these days?" Wallace, the grandson, answers "Well, he must have passed going on twenty years now." The young man stares for a panel, then looks away, saying "I see". Wallace stares back as the young man sits on a fallen log, saying "Your grandfather was a very good friend of mine." On the fourth page, the young man explains : "We met in these same woods many years past. I was in dire straits. Your grandfather selflessly came to my aid. He saved my life. And though we were friends many years, I never repaid him. With his passing, I suppose I never will. Still, kin of Wallace, know this. If you are ever in need, call on me and I am yours." Wallace looks hesitant, then says "Well..." On the fifth page, Wallace says "Could you help me find my way home?" The young man asks "That's it?" Wallace replies "I have no idea where I am." The young man gets up, saying "Well! Let's get trecking! [sic]". On the sixth page, Wallace's thoughts as he follows the young man are in boxes : "It was only now striking Wallace how strange this all was. The man before him, who looked no more than thirty, had recognised him as his grandfather, who couldn't have looked like him for more than fifty years. And besides, he couldn't remember--" Just then, the young man asks "How... did you end up out here, exactly?" On the seventh page, Wallace starts to reply "I can't quite..." But the young man cuts him off, saying "Never mind. We shouldn't be here, not the way we've been walking. Someone is shifting the forest." The young man asks Wallace "Have you any salt?" Wallace replies "Actually, yes! My grandfather always said--" The young man cuts him off again, "Excellent! We need to move quickly. We haven't got much--" As the young man starts the final sentence, dust and leaves billow around them. On the eighth page, the two look up to see an reddish orange dragon with two large solid yellow eyes, spread bat-like wings, and large black eye shapes on the wings, right above them. On the ninth page, Wallace stares, struck, as the young man says "Wallace, get down! Wallace! Wallace! Now! Dammit!" and tackles Wallace. On the tenth page, the dragon stoops on them, diving among the trees, wings shearing trunks in half, and swooping right over Wallace and the young man, who stare with stunned blank and glaring blue eyes, respectively. The men sit up and stare after the dragon, still near the ground, tree stumps and logs around them. On the eleventh page, another billow of dust flies out from the point where the dragon beats its wings and rises straight up. The young man demands of Wallace, "Give me the salt!" Wallace says "Um". The dragon can be seen through the break in the trees, reach the apex of its climb. The young man insists angrily, urgently, "Wallace! The salt!" Wallace says "Oh--" as the dragon jackknifes, head pointed down as it prepares to stoop on them again.]

Is this how you post a comic on tumblr lmao I dunno looks like shit. I'm proud of the comic though, give it your timee

[doctorofmagic]

So uh, remember when I said that I had the feeling that Strange Academy was going for a bad portrayal of the teachers while the students were the victims?

Because it just happened.

“Their system of using us as pieces in their cosmic games.” Girl, are you tripping rn?

I’m so so so done with Emily, but overall, with... the entirity of this book. I'm gonna need a list.

1. I’m begging at this point but can we please stop blaming Stephen for Mr. Misery?

I’ve talked about this over and over again but just one more time for the audience in the back:  👏 Mr. 👏 Misery 👏 is 👏 Stephen’s 👏 depression 👏 manifest 👏. it’s literally years of pain incarnate, it’s the consequence of his selfless and reckless deeds to save humanity while losing parts of his soul and damaging both his mind and body in the process. It’s a terrible monster that wants to hurt Stephen and his friends, and he tried to absorb all of it back. Can we please please please stop portraying Mr. Misery as Stephen’s little dark secret? Stephen doesn’t need to address or be blamed for his own depression, gods. It feels like blaming the victim for their mental health. I’d appreciate Skottie to stop doing this. JUST PLEASE, STOP.

2. Calvin is WRONG so stop portraying him like an innocent and neglected boy.

Let’s see. Calvin finds Mr. Misery. Calvin learns magic. Calvin loses Mr. Misery and blames Stephen for it. Calvin still can learn magic by reading books and practicing harder. Calvin has his friends’ support and a whole school full of teachers, including Zelma who, guess what, learned magic by reading books. Calvin is warned to not mess with Gaslamp by his friend Zoe. Calvin does it anyway. Calvin sells “mystic drugs” at school and puts his friends in danger. Calvin blames Stephen for leaving him with no choice (which HE HAD). Calvin is expelled. Calvin blames Jericho. Calvin returns to Gaslamp.

Emily’s conclusion: it’s Jericho’s and Stephen’s fault, obviously.

I’m sorry, Doyle is definitely not reasonable in this issue because he pretty much went full rage mode, but he IS the most reasonable character at this point, which tells a lot about how hard I’m struggling here.

3. Emily’s reasoning is driving me nuts

Her whole speech is so much bs. She sounds like a spoiled little brat and I’m at my limit. She’s defending Calvin for selling mystic drugs at school and pinning the blame on Stephen like??????????????????? BRO. Okay, let’s recall what happened a few issues ago. She convinced her entire group of friends to go to a swamp in the middle of the night willingly knowing that it’d be better if the adults didn't know about it (which reveals that she KNEW it was wrong). And we all remember that it ended up pretty bad for her and Doyle, and if not for the adults that she hates so much, they’d all be dead. And now she’s... she’s blaming the adults for not telling them it’s dangerous to go to a swamp in the middle of the night because "I’m literally a minor so I’m not to blame". Even... Even kids are aware that learning responsabilities is part of the process of growing up. This is why parents ground them, ffs. This is called what we call “limit”. And now she’d rather defend Calvin for endagering her own friends instead of demanding some accountability for his own actions. And now she organizes a full strike to protest because teachers are shady. I’m losing my mind at this point.

I can’t do this anymore. I literally can’t. If Emily is the future of the magic community, Strange Academy needs to close. Good luck learning magic all by yourself, I’m sure it won’t backfire /sarcasm.