#Oooh drama what's gonna happen in chapter 3?
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slettlune · 2 months ago
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i couldn't sleep so i sat up all night finishing reading the three musketeers
groggy morning thoughts:
this story is bawdier than i imagined it! i have never seen an adaptation capture the way dumas keeps reminding you that the musketeers fuck: frequently, enthusiastically, and they especially appreciate getting paid for it. it doesn't happen on-page (it's not that kind of book), but it's very clear that they all have substantial sexual experience (even if athos has become celibate by the time the story begins).
i STILL don't agree with the translator's comment: aramis IS my favourite musketeer, he IS easy to love actually!! my personal ranking goes aramis >>> athos > d'artagnan > porthos. yes athos wins second place for having cyclical depression and making sarcastic jokes about it.
on the subject of "this was clearly written for a certain kind of male audience of a different time"... i admit that that one "humorous" nonconsensual sex scene was an uncomfortable chapter to get through
the female main characters were all AWESOME. i LOVE a vicious female villain! i could have done without one of the many "ooh curses that i am a weak, easily-fainting WOMAN and physically and mentally inferior to a man" internal monologues, but what can you do
i did not wind up shipping any of the main guys together, which, believe me, comes as a surprise. i fully believe in their bond and their fierce loyalty to and love for each other, but i don't need them to kiss on the lips about it. i DO think all of them (excepting d'artagnan) have had male lovers though
i checked and was disappointed that there is not a single lord de winter/tom felton fic on ao3. the religious devotion that separates them, the personal devotion that ties them together... i might have to write something.......
BUT THE WOMEN THOUGH. the women should ALL explore each other's bodies. you can't throw multiple "unhappily forced to be a nun" characters at me like this and not make me imagine them doing things to each other
i sampled several different translations and i really really really wound up enjoying lawrence ellsworth's, PERFECT mix of easy-to-read and formal, and i especially appreciated how their speech still retained french phrases here and there in an elegant, unobtrusive way.
the political machinations stuff in the early chapters <3 AAAH! i'd read a WHOLE book just about monsieur de treville elegantly tiptoeing between factions. the adventure stuff is exciting; the comedy is hilarious; the melodrama is a little meh for me, but the political drama is EXCELLENT. i wish it had continued through the book.
honestly a surprisingly fast-paced story for a 700+ pages novel. lots of twist and turns and suspense and wild horseback chases and more than a few very dramatic coincidences. i gasped irl
what i really appreciate with dumas is how he makes you wait for reveals. he'll give you all these little enticing mysteries to ponder and then it feels SO satisfying when you can finally go OOOH THAT'S WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT
it's still so wild to me that most of these characters were based on and named after real historical people. dumas has SUCH an affection for cardinal richelieu. i never realized that although he's a formidable antagonist, he's presented in an almost endearing way. that's dumas' historical blorbo
a lingering question i have is HOW was athos married and madly in love and NEVER saw his wife's naked shoulder? gonna have to assume athos is a fast cummer so they never got around to undressing properly
this is book ONE of EIGHT in the musketeer cycle and i get that dumas didn't figure it'd be a series because it ends with a bratpack freeze frame about every important character and how each spent the remainder of their lives... and now i have to read the other books because HOW do you sneak in more grand adventures in between developments like that???
the old maurice leloir illustrations in the edition i read are so expressive and lovely and replicated the EXACT feeling i'd get when i'd read classics as a kid. i loved contemplating each one
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allamericanb-tch · 5 months ago
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kill your darlings thoughts
all of them bc i read this in one day 
chapter 1
hooray i know nothing about hockey
“like some kind of psychological boob job”
ooh he’s moving
i love bad drivers
no sirius definitely is infamous
regulus is in gryffindor ?!
marlene and dorcas omg
having an older sibling with a reputation and everyone assuming you’re exactly like them is the worst can confirm
baby black
ahhh i want to know who’s in his dorm
evannnn
i like cerci
sirius jump scare
HE MOVED REGULUS 😭😭
james is the ra
regulus you’re giving me secondhand embarrassment i may have to take a lap after reading that
evan is just trying to be a good wingman 
they’re at the bar now ahhh
oooh remus
WAIT GUYS I THINK REMUS IS DEAF OMG
sirius knows sign language omg
wait is wolfstar wolfstarring
oooh james is here
omg lily
NO LILY AND JAMES ARE KISSING
oh no poor regulus omg
oh no walburger is calling
oh wait james is talking to regulus now
me this whole time: “oh oh oh omg oh”
omg they were having a moment
wait i love this
chapter 2
oooh lore
eugh snape
eugh lucius
MULCIBERS FIRST NAME IS NICOLAI???
library
omg james is here
ahhhh
james taking a creative writing class 😭
kill your darlings omg
lily is studying marine biology omg
ope james casually telling regulus his relationship with lily is too easy ?!
“He’s not…gay. Well, not outside his head anyway. It’s better that way.” ☹️
evan is feeling homesick ☹️
omg regulus is going to the hockey game
chapter 3
remus pov (!!!)
are they dating i’m confused
they’re on the roof
this is cute
“i love the smiths” “sorry?” “i said i love the smiths”
it’s so like. hmm. to see mulciber being referred to as nicolai
anywho
eugh nicolai
hmm
remus is facetiming his parents
i do not like lyall
regulus pov
oh wait i think this is the same day
james jump scare
☹️
“You’re in the closet?” “Yes.” A heavy handed metaphor but there’s not much that can be done. The beds are too low to crawl under.   
lucius is making me nervous
sirius is here
evan is a good friend
peter!!!!
oh james is here
pete is being a good friend
chapter 4
oh??? hanky panky??? 
peterrr
oooh a flashback
eugh
☹️
eugh mulciber
gasp
james pov
oh my
regulus is here
oooh they’re talking
GASP
I GASPED
“This is bad. This is so so so bad.” you’re right about that james
peter pov again
oh my
chapter 5
sirius pov
how is james being normal right now
and with LILY
alice hi
ok i think wolfstar is just mutual pining and not dating
i get the feeling mary and lily are marylilying
evan!
oh no im nervy
regulus pov omg
eugh snape
so are we just not gonna address what happened
evan pov again
texts??
uh
james pov
uh oh peter
oh no the party
SOMEONE FELL OH
PLEASE TELL ME IT WASNT EVAN OMG
it was. omg.
i’m tweaking out guys
regulus pov
omg
james pov
omg
plot is plotting guys
my hands are shaking
chapter 6
this fic is all over the place but it adds to the drama i think
backstory hello
wait does sirius think regulus has a crush on evan
omg wait
i think the reason evan didn’t go to salazar was because barty did and something happened with them
james is talking to the cops
ope sirius and mulciber are fighting
evan is talking to the cops now
HELLO???
why did evan tell them he did the drugs voluntarily 
backstory again
MY HYPOTHESIS WAS RIGHT
OMG THE TEXTS
bye wait i haven’t been saying anything im just too invested in the evan lore
this chapter is crazy omg
game
oh hello barty is telling evan to meet him
they’re kissing omg
REGULUS JUMP SCARE
they’re having a chat
chapter 7
regulus pov
he’s at work im nervy
i know what’s coming
omg james is here
GASP
this fic is so crazy actually
so we’re just not going to address the hanky panky in chapter 4 i see
remus pov
HELLO
so remus thinks sirius is mad bc he didn’t tell him about the cochlears and sirius is mad because he thinks remus likes regulus
wait im actually so confused
james pov
wait so did nothing happen??? WAIT WAS IT A DREAM OH THAT MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE
omg jily break up
it was for the best.
GASP guys my face is actually like 😧
chapter 8
evan hello
evan and regulus save me evan and regulus
CERCI
omg she’s ace
i love cerci
evan pov again
HE GREW UP ON A FARM
wait
stop this is so funny evan is offering to kiss regulus because regulus thinks he will never kiss a boy
they’re kissing
wait
did james see this and they didn’t even know he did??
sirius pov
my red flag is that i love miscommunication
omg wait
walburga is calling sirius
sirius is talking to regulus now
regulus pov
they’re at the leaky
gasp
GASP
they’re drunk kissing on the floor of the bathroom
this is not going to end well i fear
chapter 9
james pov
☹️
guys i was so locked in reading this i didn’t write anything
they kissed for real in the LIBRARY
chapter 10
oooh regulus pov
why is severus not the worst actually like
regulus is going to james dorm oooo
he’s reading a book to him
ope they’re kissing now
gasp walburga is calling
he is leaving ☹️
remus pov
noooo remus
evan ahh
oh cerci i love her
text ??
sirius
uh oh walburga again
practice
pete ☹️
GASP
sirius just came home and remus and fabian were on the couch
☹️
 chapter 11
james
i’m getting secondhand embarrassment 
ok
guys i think it’s game day
omg effie and monty are here
☹️
they won!
ope
regulus
☹️
oh my
evan
barty ?!
sirius
☹️
chapter 12
james
GASP
lilyyyy hi
mary is a hijabi omg
this fic has so much going on i can’t keep up with it
SNAPE ?!
lily is iconic
remus
not a fan of fabian and remus
☹️
chapter 13
these thoughts are getting shorter and shorter
regulus
hmm.
james is asking him to come over
ART HEIST BABY REFERENCE ?? wait idk if this was written before or after art heist baby
they’re talking about like in every universe this has to be an ahb reference 
evan 
lore
cerci and evan friendship 
peter. hm. 
hm
sirius doesn’t even know 😭
he told evan
james
hm.
“James Potter, the great moral authority. Everything is black and white with you until one of your buddies is involved right? Then it’s complicated.” regulus has a point
chapter 14
guys my lip is so swollen from my canker sore 
regulus
uh oh lucius
ugh mulciber
james is here
they had a talk that was important
uh oh evan walked in on them
FABIAN???
chapter 15
bye i haven’t been writing my thoughts but SIRIUS IS GOING TO HIS PARENTS FOR CHRISTMAS??
chapter 16
I DIDNT WRITE ANYTHING AGAIN
basically regulus is. well. you know. and james came out to his parents somewhat unintentionally 
chapter 17
sirius
PETERS PARENTS GOT A CAT AND NAMED IT PETE
gasp
regulus ☹️
monty didn’t know that sirius doesn’t know
evan!
GASP
remuuuu
GASP
sirius kissed remus and fabian saw and now remus and fabian have broken up
marylily save me marylily
regulus pov ive been waiting for you
chapter 18
looking forward to this i haven’t been home in 4 hours and i went through withdrawals
james wooo
he’s getting filled in on the wolfstar lore
fabian pov jump scare
aw gideon
regulus 
ope peter
effie marry me
gasp
regulus went back to james and james was gone
sirius
they’re skating
they’re talking
wait ❤️‍🩹
HELLO WAIT THEY JUST KISSED
very platonically but they kissed nonetheless
remus 
they way they all text is so on brand for them
ugh i lowk feel bad for fabian like i disliked him bc i love wolfstar and he was getting in the way of that but this is sad for him
you know i was not expecting the hanky panky to be fabian and remus
james again
gasp
aw
chapter 19
reggieee
awkward jegulus save me awkward jegulus
they’re awkward in an endearing way and not in a secondhand embarrassment way right now
☹️
sirius
woo game
evan ahh
evan may be having a crisis
woo hoo they won
omg evan and cerci asexual power couple of the century
alice jump scare
omg alice and barty crossover
stop wait i love them
chapter 20
james
ooh
oh
wait why is it sad now
aw wait
wait
lily
marylily save me marylily
i love them
remu
oh no his parents
wait wolfstar
they’re talking
chapter 21
oh no (the tw’s)
oooh
aw wait
me bc it took wolfstar 21/28 chapter to get together
regulus eek
evan is a real one
☹️
severus ?!
☹️
alice 
hmm.
chapter 22
remus
wolfstarrrr
gasp regulus 
wolfstarrr
james
GASP
☹️
evan
 chapter 23
i have five chapters left but it’s 1 am ugh
maryyyy
marylilyyyy
gasp
wait i’m loving this
and the poem
oh wait
sirius and mary friendship
i love muslim mary
chapter 24
regulus ☹️
he’s just like me fr
☹️
wait stop i actually really like severus
wait
james ☹️
he told regulus he loves him
no stop im gonna cry this is hitting too hard
no this sucks
chapter 25
flashback regulus
☹️
james
☹️
sirius 
☹️
chapter 26
i’m a little bit worried that there’s only two chapters after this and it’s all very angsty right now
flashback sirius
☹️
hands
love
regulus
remus made him safe food
sirius and reg are talking
it’s almost two i should sleep
james
evan i love you
chapter 27
almost done guys
barty chapter
i like alice a lot 
☹️
omg 
barty just drove all the way to evan
i love rosekiller
☹️
 chapter 28
last one
regulus
therapy
sirius
and james
regulus again
sirius again
regulus again
sirius again
peter ?!
oh
flashback james
☹️
i may cry
barty 
rosekiller
regulus
☹️ (?)
game
GASP
james ☹️ oh my
hey i thought this was supposed to be a happy ending
barty 
rosekiller
regulus
they’re going to the hospital
what
walburga just told regulus she loves him
oh. 
hello
this is cute in a sort of sad way
slowly but surely this ending is getting happier
they’re boyfriends
snape???
good (not sarcasm)
remu
❤️‍🩹
regulus
❤️‍🩹
sirius
wolfstar save me wolfstar
mary!
aw fabian met someone
ROMULUS NO THATS HILARIOUS 
marylily save me marylily
regulus again
ok that was a lovely ending and it is now 3 am
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foxydivaxx · 9 months ago
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Gossip Girl Bad Romance Chapter 8
Here it is, the latest chapter. Will give a bit of insight into Zoro’s past. May write a prequel that focuses on Zoro and his younger years and explain the whole Griffith thing in detail and also his relationship with Sukuna as well. Happy birthday in advance Sanji. Trigger warning: mentions of abuse, eating disorders.
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Hello Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here.And boy do I got some hot tea to spill this week!! We have finally gotten a much-awaited public sighting of S and Z together. And about time too. Besides the constant social media updates they have been putting out, well mostly Z, the Royal Couple were recently spotted at a club alongside some of their friends except E and SU as SU has flown E out of the country of course no thanks to the emotional stress the guy has been under thanks to the funeral of his family.
For those who are unaware, E chose to do the burial privately. Hope he is alright. At least SU will hopefully cheer the guy up.
Back to the Royal couple, a certain ex of Z's happened to be at the club that night. Word on the streets has it that the guy got out of his rehab program prematurely and came back to town. Odd considering his family no longer stays on the Upper East Side anymore no thanks to the scandal he caused.
Why has he returned? Probably to get back at S for standing up for Z back then when he tried to destroy the King. Now he wants revenge. We will have to see how that goes because one thing I know is that anyone who dares to cross Z is gonna pay dearly for it eventually. He is called the Demon King for a reason.
As for this club night, the couple did what no one had ever seen them do in the club. Yes, you guessed it, they made out and got all hot and heavy in there. Yes, they literally went there. You should have seen the look on Fuckboy's face when he saw his ex and his current beau do the do in his presence. Could this be all part of some plan that Z concocted in mind? One thing is for certain, King Z is done playing games here and we can clearly see that. Ironically, S’s birthday is this week as well so it must be an early celebration.
Either way, things have gotten heated up and are about to get explosive here. Oooh....can't wait!! Keep it coming boys!!
XOXO,
Gossip Girl
************************************************************************
Zoro sighs as he glances over at the sleeping form of his lover. Being the King of the Upper East Side has its perks but that title comes with its fair share of hurdles and some sacrifices and drama.
He often does not say much but he actually does feel insecure at times. The downside about being famous at a young age is the loneliness you would feel as everyone suddenly puts you on a higher pedestal.
Everyone wants to be your friend once you become popular and most people do not care about you and only want the money.
This is the reason why he is glad that he and Sanji found each other because that is the only other person that could understand that pain and burden. Sure, they started off with the sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship but the truth is, they were both so young back then.
Neither one of them was ready to fully commit to a proper relationship as they had just both gotten out of traumatic toxic ones and had not fully healed. It was the media that forced them to turn it into a serious thing, a true blessing in disguise.
Looking back at his life, he never truly had it easy. His father, a famous action legend and a deadbeat back in the day with addiction problems, his mother Hollywood royalty with a few loose screws herself and deep addiction issues who took out her pain and anger on him since he was the only child she gave to his dad, the other siblings coming from his dad’s previous marriage.
Yes, he was born into one of the greatest Hollywood dynasties but there is a curse attached to that. Almost every generation suffers some sort of tragedy or trauma.
He began his career when he was 3 and that was the most traumatic time of his life. Other kids looked down on him and bullied him because of his immigrant background and would often say racist disgusting things to him.
Ironically, Griffith did the exact same shit to him when they started their relationship. This is in stark contrast to Sanji who goes off all the racist bitches every single time.
Speaking of Griffith, that bastard took advantage of his trauma and naivety and manipulated him into becoming the wolf child that he was back then. Most people do not know this but the reason he helped Sanji with his case against the Charlottes and his father is because of his own trauma with Griffith years ago.
He was just 13 then and Griffith was 19. He lied to cover up for Griffith as the bastard blackmailed him and took advantage of him because truth be told, he was not perfectly sane then. He was a totally wild party boy at the time. It is kind of understandable why Sukuna acts the way he does now. He pushed him away after the guy warned him about Griffith.
It was when they both got arrested that Zoro began to realize how terrible his actions were. He is slowly healing and getting better. He is not quite there yet. There are days when he is all alone and he just breaks down in tears. Now he has to face his past. Truth be told, he is not yet ready emotionally.
He gently runs his hand through those soft blonde licks, musing over how happy he is to have found the love of his life. This same Sanji saved him from Griffith after the bastard showed up last year and almost killed him by poisoning his drink with some arsenic.
The blonde slowly stirs as he finally wakes up from his slumber. “Wait…why are you not sleeping?” he asks with a yawn.
Zoro sighs. “Don’t mind me. Just deep in thought.” It was at that moment that Sanji sits up. “Still thinking about the Griffith thing?” The greenette nods.
The blonde cups his lover’s face with his hands and stares him in the eye. “That was not your fault Zoro. Please do not blame yourself. That bastard had no right to take advantage of you that way.”
The boy just nods and looks down. “Listen, you gave me an incredible gift, an awesome platform to use to share my truth with the world and that has helped me a lot. My love, you deserve the same thing.” Zoro just nods and hugs Sanji.
The tears he had been trying to surpress for years finally began to flow.”Zoro you have done enough for everyone. You need to start thinking about you now.”
Zoro let’s go and smiles. “You have a point. And I know just how to do it.”
At that moment the phone rings. “Hello.”
“Zoro we’ve got a problem!!”
“Wait? What problem sis? What happened?”
“Remember my friend Cathy?”
“Yeah I know her. Is she alright?”
“Cathy told me just now about a couple that came to her with some business proposal for the skincare line she wanted to launch only for those bastards to run off with the money.”
“What are their names?”
“Elena and Maxwell Gilbert.”
“Will run background checks on them.”
Sanji stares at him. “What happened?”
“Perona told me that her friend got scammed by some people.”
He immediately gets his laptop and gets straight to business. He freezes upon seeing the results. Sanji looks over his shoulder and gasps. “Wait…those are…”
“Griffith’s parents. I knew there was something off with that family.” He then began to check police reports. “That family is rich but they made their money through money laundering. That explains a lot.” He then begins to make some calls.
***********************************************************************
Meanwhile, Eren is seated on a swing in a park in Brussels as he stares up at the clouds above him. It was evening, about 7pm to be exact. He chose not to do a public funeral because he does not want excessive media coverage and given how the media tend to sensationalise things, it was for the best.
He was probably going to miss the Midsummer Ball but it is okay. He just needs to clear his head for a bit. The last time he came to Brussels was 3 years ago during Aogiri’s European tour.
He loves how peaceful and calm the town was so when Sukuna suggested that they left for a bit, he asked him to bring him here.
“You okay cupcake?” Sukuna asked as he sits in the swing next to him. Eren nods. “I guess so Papi.” Sukuna takes one of Eren’s hands. “You need to eat something. I don’t like how you keep refusing to eat.”
Ever since that tragedy, Eren has not been really eating and whenever he does, he ends up puking it in the toilet.
“Food can wait.”
“Eren have you forgotten that you nearly fainted at the funeral?! Your family if they were alive would like to see you like this!!”
Eren sighs. There was no winning with Sukuna. “Fine. I will eat something.” Sukuna smiles and helps him up. “Good. Now do not rush to the bathroom after that okay?!” Eren nods.
*********************************************************************
Back in Manhattan, Lelouch and Rukia are handling the arrangements for the Ball. “That disco ball looks sick.” he says, pointing at the disco ball that the decorations team were trying to assemble. “I just thought that a disco themed party would be awesome.” says Rukia.
“Been a while we have had one of those.”
Rukia then smiles at him. “Thanks for helping out.” Lelouch just shrugs. “Oh it’s nothing.”
“You know, we need to hang out more beyond all this sometime.” He grins. “I like the sound of that.”
Light and Natsu come in holding boxes. “Man these are heavy!!” says Light. “Are those the lighting equipment?”
Natsu nods. “That plus the sound.” Rukia then smirks. “This Ball is gonna be extra special because it is a surprise for a certain someone and I think y’all know who I am talking about.” The others exchange smirks.
************************************************************************
Griffith meanwhile is seething in rage. He did not expect Zoro and that tramp to be at the club that night and for them to literally be fucking each other that way.
He had been trying to contact his Allie’s but to no avail. It’s like they are busy or something which he finds strange considering their level in life.
It was then that his phone rings. He picks up the call without checking the caller ID. “About time someone fucking called.”
“Why hello Griffith.”
He immediately freezes. The very last man he expected to hear from. “Z-Zoro?”
“Been a long time hm? Heard you managed to weasel yourself in without anyone noticing.”
The blonde scoffs. “Oh come on. Have you forgotten the good old days we used to sneak into your dad’s place, steal dem car keys and hit town undetected?”
Zoro smirks. Sanji watches the whole thing cautiously. “Ah yes I do remember that and I also remember how you bashed the car and got into trouble afterwards.”
“Y-You are not calling me to reminisce about the good times.”
Zoro’s smirk becomes more devious. “I have some friends waiting for you outside. I believe they want to have a word with you.”
“Raise your hands up!!” Griffith had no choice but to raise his hands. The cops immediately handcuffed him. “You and your family have been evading the law for conning people for years. You also have an assault charge to answer to plus you escaped from the asylum you were placed in as part of your sentencing. This time, we shall not be that merciful.” With that, Griffith is led away.
Zoro heaves a sigh of relief. “Ah I am finally free.” he says with the biggest grin on his face. Sanji rushes over to give him a hug.
**********************************************************************
This past week has been pretty eventful Upper East Siders. Z’s ex finally got re-arrested. According to police reports, he escaped from the asylum he was placed in as part of his sentence.
As if that wasn’t enough, his parents got arrested for conning a wealthy socialite who so happens to be a friend of Z’s older half sister Perona who filed the report against them. There was mention of an assault case which I suspect could be related to Z as there were rumours that their relationship was not consensual at all and that Z was forced into that relationship by the guy because he wanted a piece of the pie, a stark contrast with S.
The upside is that Z now can be a free man without having to deal with that past demon of his anymore.Now if you excuse me, there is a party this weekend that I gotta prepare for.
XOXO,
Gossip Girl
*********************************************************************
“Oi Curly!! Hurry up!! We are gonna be late for the party!!” Zoro yells, checking the time on his watch. He may have a bad sense of direction at times but Sanji is worse in the sense that he is a drama King.
“I am coming!!” Seconds later, Sanji comes out wearing a bedazzled red suit. He chose not to wear a shit or tie this time around. Zoro wolf whistles. He chose to wear a dark green suit. “Well someone be looking smoky tonight!!” Sanji giggles and kisses Zoro on the cheek. “Alright let’s go.” Once Sanji was out of the room, Zoro grabs his phone and sneakily texts Rukia:
We are on the way
As soon as Rukia sees the text, she alerts the others. “Guys, they are on the way.” Lelouch then yells, “Everyone hide!!” The others rush to different parts of the hall whilst Light, Natsu and Grimmjow switch off the lights.
A couple minutes later, Zoro and Sanji arrive. “Huh w-“
“SURPRISE!!” The lights come on and everyone yells.
Sanji gasps in shock as he takes a good look at the room. Eren and Sukuna who were meant to be in Brussels suddenly decided to join them.
“Happy birthday my love.” Zoro says as he kisses Sanji in the cheek. “Wait a minute, how did you guys do this?!”
“Thank Rukia and Lelouch. It was their idea.” says Eren. “We noticed that you never truly had a big party so we figured that we gave you one.” says Rukia. Sanji smiles and hugs both Rukia and Lelouch. “Aww thanks guys.”
The party was in full swing with everyone partying the night away. Even Eren forgot his issues momentarily and joined the fun. Zoro could not help but grin. It was the little moments like this that make him happy. Forget the glamour, forget the fame and money. Moments like this are worth fighting for.
“Ah, that reminds me.” Zoro dashes off and returns with a large box. “My gift for you darling.” Sanji smiles. “Aww thanks.”
“Come on. Open it.” Sanji did not waste time and lifts up the box. He gasps as in the box are two cute little kittens, one brown and the other grey.
“Oh my God!! They are so cute!!” He gives Zoro a kiss on the lips. “Thank you for these babies.” The others watch and smile. Eren films the entire thing and posts it on Instagram and it almost immediately goes viral.
“Anything for you my love. Now what are we naming our babies?” Sanji stares at the kitties. “I will name the brown one Ginger and the grey one Milo.” The kitties purr and nuzzle their new mummy.
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sorikkung · 2 years ago
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moc my beloved it has taken me forever to get back to you but im HERE NOW...
love how mingis just like. i think itd be pretty funny to see you clock our captain in the face. SDFKJGSKFJ LIKE HELLO. love him tho
"Simplifying things in such ways, however, is far from your forte." i support mc's right to be a MESSY ASS BITCH!
“Why are you believing every word out of San’s mouth?” “Did he not tell you how he manipulated me? What game did he play to do so, I truly wonder, Ghost? How did he tell you? Were you in bed? Were his hands on you, telling you foul and hideous words with his lips but touching you so gently with his fingertips?” OOOH BITCH this is MESSY messy.... way to make things Extremely unsettling Extremely quickly godDAMN i got shivers
“Though I suspect San would sooner die than harm you. Suppose that’s where we differ.” thats a lot more reassuring though!
OOOP YEONJUN KNOWS SANS APOLOGIES R FULL OF SHIT... damn that is such an interesting dynamic what the fuck... i feel like i say that abt every dynamic but you make them all so SPICY
now what the fuck is up with those pills... does minho have a problem or is he prescribin the whole crew painkillers 😭😭😭😭 or. "painkillers"....
oooh i really like his take on diagnoses and disorders though that was fresh.
jisung and mcs dynamic confuses the fuck outta me i really oughtta go back and reread from the start to try piece it together again, among other things... im excited for that but i wanted to find out what happened next first before rereading so i will probably be rereading this chapter again soon <3
damn did they kill the other three crew members??? i feel like the more mc asks around and pries for answers all we get is more questions. which is as addicting to read as it is frustrating.
god i adore jongho and mc's almost sibling-like relationship <33 gonna pinch that lil shithead (affectionate)
hwa says not to overanalyze what hes saying but good god i have no idea what anyone is saying anymore when they speak in metaphors like this i Really gotta go back n reread everything cause it seems like all this distrust has been building up for ages but it kinda feels like its come outta nowhere but thats probably more on me forgetting important context clues.
"One that despises the man he loves." MOC!SEONGJOONG AND YALLS UNHEALTHY ASS DEEPLY DEVOTED DYNAMIC YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!
oh my god seonghwa is having a full on menty b my boy what is wrong (the answer is everything.) but what does he mean hongjoong wanted him dead. hello.
OOP SHE FINALLY DONE FUCKING SAID IT..... SHE STILL LOVES HIM.. I MEAN WBK BUT SAYING THE QUIET PART OUT LOUD IS LOUD YK. i wonder how san feels about that. “You were never after anything more than sex but you hoped it would change things?” CALL HER OUTTTTT GODDAMN THIS IS SO DRAMA IM SO HERE FOR IT SHDFKJGKSJFKGJSKFJD
DAMN WAIT WAS SHE GLARING AT HIM DURING ALL THAT WHAT HKSJDFKGJSKFD oh wait suppose the sirens intuition thing wouldve helped him feel all of that huh... crazy cause in the moment it sounded so sweet and romantic despite the underlying... whatever this is going on SDJKHKJSDFHK
"Hate him to the point of obsession as you’ve clearly already pushed yourself to that point. Did it feel good imagining his dick inside you instead of mine? When your hatred turns to infatuation, I’ll be sure to tell you all the ways in which Hongjoong has orchestrated the destruction of your psyche since your arrival here.”
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HOLY SHIT. NOW THATS.... HELLO. HELLO???? IM. HELLLOOOOOOO???? THERE IS. SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE.
“If your aim is to become a monster, Seonghwa, then you are doing a fine job at it." HITTING HIM RIGHT WHERE IT FUCKING HURTS HOOOOLY LAWDT THIS IS SO INTENSE
“And I told you that I still loved Hongjoong.”
“After lying to me about it the first time we discussed it!”
“I guess we have that in fucking common then, don’t we? Lying about wanting our captain?"
IM GOING TO THROW UP AND SCREAM CRY AND YELL AND PULL ALL MY HAIR OUT AND??? HOOOOLY SHIT..... LITERALLY TEARING UP THE WALLS RN I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS
“I do love you though, for whatever that’s worth. I’m sorry that’s… I’m sorry.” YEAH COOL ILL BE SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THAT ONE THOUGH THANKS. HOLY SHIT. LITERALLY WHERE THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU FIND A DYNAMIC AS MESSY AND DELICIOUS AS THIS. I AM EATING GOOD TODAY! also “And I hate myself for many things, Y/n, but I would not have you hate me for those same reasons. That is why I do not wish to share those things with you.” got me too holy fuck like what do you even SAY to that. how are you even MEANT to react to that. like HELLO...
"this is Mingi, and should you earn the ire of your captain here and now, it might reward you an early grave. If it were San by his side, you wonder how different things might be." she says this knowing full well mingi wants to see hongjoong get beat up just a little bit. SDFKJGSKFDGKSFDKGSDFG but tru i suppose if hongjoong ordered it he would not hesitate.
“Tell me you were so disillusioned by my hand of kindness, Y/n. Tell me you truly believed I was a gracious man. Tell me you painted an image of me in your mind that was benevolent, so that I may bask in that glorious misconception while I pleasure myself by my own hand at night.” HKAJDFGHJKSKJDFGKJSFDGKS WHAT A FUCKING BANGER LINE???? OH, TELL ME YOU REALLY THOUGHT I WAS A GOOD PERSON, SO THAT I CAN JACK OFF TO THAT LATER. GODDAMN
THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE AND MORE INTENSE HES LITERALLY MAKING HER KNEEL HELLO I AM BARKING BUT ALSO IM NOT BUT I AM BUT IM NOT BUT I DID BUT I DIDNT <3 MINGI STEPPING FORWARD TO DO IT ANYWAY DESPITE NOT WANTING TO IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY HONGJOONG TAUNTING HER WITH HWAS PETNAME I AM CHEWING MY NAILS OFF HOW DID WE GET TO THIS POINT OH MY GOD ITS SO FUCKIGN SPICY... the fact that he doesnt even raise a hand to do so- suppose he grabbed her neck for a second but then got his underling to do the dirty work for him so he can wipe his boot on her face like WHY IS THAT FUCKING HOTTTTT IM GONNA BITE THINGS
“Do you even intend to stop at Kebos or was that another pretty lie meant to make me docile?” you spat out at the captain. He laughs in your face.
“What does it matter what my intentions are?”
HOLY FUCKING SHITTTTT HE GOT HER SO GOOD BC I RLY BELIEVED WE WERE SEEING HONGJOONG CARE FOR MC IN THAT MOMENT I.... HOLY SHITTTTT WHAT THE FUCKKK MASTER MANIPULATOR HONGJOONG FRFR.... I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED BUT MY DICK IS ROCK SOLID HSKFDGKJSKDJFGKAKFGKJDFKJ AM I GONNA UNPACK WHAT THAT SAYS ABOUT ME? NO <3
"I have killed my own men for less. Siren or not, San’s lover or not — your timer ticks ever closer to zero so long as you continue with these charades. I will have you obey, and you will respect me all the while. Do I make myself clear?” DICK HARD ENOUGH TO CUT DIAMOND RN BUT IM ALSO QUAKING IN BOTH FEAR AND ANGER KIM HONGJOONG YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A MAN AND I MEAN A HELL OF A MAN I SEE WHY SAN CALLED YOU THE LITERAL DEVIL BUT GOOD GOD WHY AM I INTO IT. OP HOW TF DID YOU MANAGE TO WRITE SUCH A CHARACTER.
“I will not hesitate to humiliate you further before the whole crew if I must, Y/n. We can make a spectacle out of it. I would quite enjoy it, in fact. Now, do you understand?”
IM. I. IM . HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. HEY!!! HEY HELLO!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! HFDGKJAFKJGKJDAFKGAHGAADSKFKDFJSDF WHAT THHTUEUFUCUFKK1!!!! GOING THRU IT RN
calling her pretty after that entire spectacle OOOOH YOU WANT HER SO BADDDDDD HONGJOONG... also tf is yunho doin in his room is that the rebound dick. goddamn. GODDAMN! hope hes all bricked up from humiliating her like that bc then i wont be the only one here with an erection god bless-
oh right mingi knows shes a siren now thats wild. literally who doesnt at this point SKJDFGKJSDFKG and wow hongjoong is Really good at making devotees out of people huh cause mingi rly witnesses all that then his first instinct is to say he means well? wow.
“That’s love, Mingi. Love and devotion both.” POWERFUL. once again driving the narrative of love being something that can be so, so fucking destructive in the wrong hands thats insane youre insane for this i love it
"Would you deny San?”
Love, as it turns out, is the cruelest master of all.
WHAT DID I JUST FUCKING SAYYYY!!!!!!
"She wields a knife so sharp that one slight cut would have you bleeding out across the floor in mere seconds." YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAHHHH FUUUUUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUFCK
mingi is the real fucking mvp in all of this i fucking love mingi. mans is so real and honest and its refreshing compared to everyone elses deeply convoluted bullshit SDJHJSJDFHJSDFH
“Why did you tell me that story? Why would you do that, why would you say that, why, San?”
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what kind of love hopes for suffering?
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"but when you close your eyes, it’s Hongjoong’s face you see behind your lids and between your legs rather than your lover’s — a curling hatred that serves to deepen the pit already formed in your stomach." god this is going to fucking HAUNT me dude the GRIP moc!hongjoong has on both me and this fuckin mc on god....
"Hongjoong was above you earlier, boot pressed into your cheek as you sat on your knees before him with no relief in sight. How much would it take to reverse the roles and have him in such a humiliating and debasing position? Beyond that, if he made good on his promise, what would that look like for you? And how deep are you willing to submerge yourself just to find out?" I AM GOING TO FUCKING BLACK OUT. OH COOL NICE REPETITION OF THE DIALOGUE GOOD TO KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE CUMMING TO THE THOUGHT OF HONGJOONG SAYING ALL THAT COOL NICE IM NORMAL- SHDFKJGKSJFKGJAFKDJG
"You think, as the room begins to fade into black and sleep settles in, that your will to fight is nothing more than a dull flame about to be snuffed out for good." thats so fucking OMINOUSSS ON GOD I CANT TELL WHAT I THINK OF ANYTHING ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE MY BRAIN IS BEING ACTIVELY REWIRED RN
is hongjoong also getting off to calling me his dog and threatening to put a collar and leash on me bc im getting off to- [TRAIN PASSES BY]
gas masks stay on at night? what the fuck is IN that water? guess we'll probably find out why gorgon is relatively unpopulated despite it seemingly being a paradise... yes i had to check the planet guide for context SDKJFGKJSFDKGfd
also just the fact that you asked if san calling her 'my treasure' was intentional or not makes me think it is but i dont know what the fuck that MEANS. oh my fucking god did hongjoong sic him on her too but he just actually fell in love fr in the process. god i dont even know what to expect i never know what to expect with moc im gonna go inhale all 400k words of this all over again and go insane with brainrot for weeks THANKS love you bye <3
mists of celeste ➻ 49
➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst ➻ word count: 19.7k ➻ rating: M ➻ warnings: language, talks of abuse & violence, minor violence, smut ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you
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act seven ➻ part one
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What rots away at your insides in the days that follow is nothing pretty — a deep profound obsession that drives your hatred towards a particular man into the skin until it sits engraved there, with wounds oozing blood all the while.
“Have you seen Nightingale around?”
Soojin jerks her chin up at the sudden interruption of your voice cutting through whatever pretty silence she constructed for herself. You feel bad, though only mildly, for disturbing her without warning. It’s become somewhat common to find her in the mess hall these days, with Luca off to the side with the two resident Berserkers. Your stare lingers on Mingi for a few more seconds than necessary. The last conversation you shared with the man rings in your ears like it was mere minutes ago and not several days.
“Um, training room I think? That’s where he’s been hanging around at least.” Soojin passes you a little half-hearted smile. You don’t doubt that your discomfort and likely unabashed anger is on full display to her; however, she opts not to ask further about your reasons for asking, so you deign not to say anything other than a quiet ‘thank you’ and nod your head.
Mingi shifts where he’s kneeling close to the child. His gaze finds yours the second you turn to head out, stopping you in your tracks and forcing you to return the fierce eye contact for several seconds. You let it stagnate for too long, apparently, because the Berserker stands without warning and moves in your direction. You don’t consider your next move to be one of avoidance, though it must look like that to anyone else aside from you with how you retreat the way you came and head for the arched doorway leading out. Mingi persists still.
“Ghost.”
Keep reading
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lostacelonnie · 1 year ago
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Gotta keep that hope around for sure i will keep my fingers crossed for you. Oh that is a win win i gotta remember that, i say as if adhd wont make me forget. I usually just look for em to see like. What kinds are around. Whole ones. Broken ones. Weird shapes. Its interesting. Dont take any with me though. That. Makes me wonder how they teach english over there. Honestly yeah i look for a name in the bio or just. Shorthand the username somehow because i gotta have some way to refer to people. I havent used a bio in years so people use my username all the time. Oooh norway i have always wanted to go there. I dont camp as much as id like to but i should more tbh. I have seen her stacks & i gotta say. Clara is wild cant believe i let her sit unused. I dunno how much ill get but im gonna for sure be savin as i can. I think that one is last yeah. I am always interested at the start but fade by the end because the new stuff always slows down. Same ive been playing indies more like gris & obra dinn. To try & branch out. Good story annoying exploration is chasm in a nutshell yeah. True big cities be like that. I live in a smaller one now so very little happens. Mine hold dye decently well which i appreciate. Just wish we had true permanent dye. Maybe one day. Thats how i am with nail polish i always get it on the sides & mess up but ive gotta just. Be patient & let myself learn. Happy 1.2 star rail update
sorry for the late reply shfjglk i truly have no excuse other than "i was holed up in my room in an attempt to avoid interaction with my grandma but i accidentally also avoided interaction with Everyone Else" so im. So sorry ab that. COMING BACK hehe thankies!! if things go wrong i guess ill just move out for a while and then come back Suspiciously A Different Gender. nobodys gonna know. but yeah good luck on remembering that shdjfk!! and ahh thats fair i just usually visit pretty big beaches so theres not many around by the time i get there. english is taught just so you know the language but following the education system without external classes will get you a2 knowledge At Best and its getting worse with each year so. lol. and yeah frfr i use usernames as names alllll the time...... norway is very fun i recommend it!! esp if you prefer colder climates like i do. ahhh understandable!! i dont actually. own a tent but as i said, maybe one day. id rather go with friends tho which is a problem in on itself cos i dont have that many friends that actually know each other. unless i go with my photo camp friends. thats an Idea actually. YEAH CLARA IS GREAT.... i unfortunately dont have her quite built [terrible relic luck...... plus ive been more focused on trying to prepare for kafka recently] but seeing as shes my main [despite having jing yuan] i Will get her better stuff someday. i have 140 pulls rn so im equally nervous as i am excited. yeah it really Is like that bc im always paranoid ab spoilers so i always do at least the new story as fast as i can. except for right now as i still havent played the new honkai chapter [but tbf my game only managed to download the update yesterday, 3 days after the launch of 6.8] and i honestly dont have the energy to do it today so maybe tomorrow. ah that sounds fun!! i came back to minecraft recently idk why but ive been having a Great time. after 130 in-game days i am finally no longer homeless. and oh when i get older id like to move to a smaller city [since i like having things close but dont like having drama all the time] but im still thinking ab where. ah thats cool...... i tried looking for the dye that i used on camp but couldnt find it. rip. and yeah same tbh thats why i never paint my nails. and yeah happy star rail 1.2 o)-( i like the double planar ornament event since thats the only thing im missing for kafkas things......
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sweetminx · 3 years ago
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Hi hi! It be me again bringing the second chapter of Ghost of Haddonfield. I already had these two written on my Google docs hence the quick succession to my first chapter release. This chapter is finally getting into some tense shenanigans, since I didn't want the first chapter to drone on for so long that people got bored because I'm exactly the type who wants to see the good stuff right away.
Again, a quick warning that this chapter is a bit gruesome so just keep it in mind if you've got a weak stomach some of the details might not be for you. Anyways! Enjoy! Lemme know if you want to be tagged.
Universe/Fandom: Halloween 1978 (Non-RZ) Rating: Mature/Adult. Minors keep your distance. Chapters: 2/? Chapter Triggers/Warnings: Strong language, Strong depictions of violence/gore, death, Angst. Overall themes: Tension, Drama, Slow burn, Abuse, Strong Language, Past trauma, Manipulation, Strong depictions of Violence/Gore, Phsycological/ Physical trauma, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Mental Illness, Murder, Romance, Angst, Loss, Death, Comfort, Mild humour, Romance, Friendship, Fluff, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome, Non-con themes, Knifeplay, Stalking, Marking, Obsessive/Posessive behaviour, Choking, Explicit Sexual content. Reader details: Female, first-person perspective. Characters: Female reader, Michael Myers (Non-RZ), Samuel Loomis, Laurie Strode, Jed Perkins (Non-canon OC), Jamie Harris (Non-canon OC), Parker Reed (Non-canon OC), Josh Hewit (Non-canon OC), Erin White (Non-canon OC)
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Ghost of Haddonfield: Chapter two
The plain doors to the towering castle of a building swing open violently as you come barreling through it hurriedly, finding the check-in desk unmanned which was completely out of the norm and under normal circumstances would pose as a major breach of security protocols. The hallway has as much personality as the rest of the hospital. The floor is slate grey and the walls dove. Above the ceiling is made from those polystyrene squares laid on a grid-like frame. The light is too bright for your eyes after the darkening gloom outside, you find it abrasive, enough perhaps to bring on one of your migraines. There are commercial prints on the wall, tasteful in a dull kind of way which you'd ignored for most of your long working hours. The place certainly isn't run by risk-takers and you guess you should find comfort in that. Above every door you pass is a large plastic sign, dark with white lettering- no fancy fonts, just bold and all-caps. It's so new and spotless you feel like the whole building must have just gotten beamed here from some-place dirt is outlawed. 
You whip your head around in every direction as you scuttle down long corridors, peeking into rooms in search of your colleagues before finally hearing the distant and slightly muffled raised voices from down the hall on the other side of the visitation room, approaching it and pushing the door open to investigate the commotion. You're greeted by the sight of Jamie and several security guards seemingly having a yelling competition with one another, both raising their voices in frustration back and forth about 'incompetence', 'utter negligence' and how it wasn't so and so's fault. You scowl at the screaming men who still hadn't noticed your presence cautiously lingering in the doorway. By now you'd grown tired of listening to the voices of childish men, feeling your blood beginning to boil in silent rage, the spring of your patience finally snapping in an instant as you roar over the men in a voice that would make any man flinch and cower in fear. The whole room falls deathly silent almost instantaneously, several sets of eyes widening in utter astonishment from the monstrous yell you'd released to shut them up. 
"Are you idiots done bickering like children?" You seethe, pure venom dripping from your tone as you scowl at every single one of them. "I'm here just like I was requested. I shouldn't be because tonight was supposed to be my night off, but here I am. Now, if you'd be so kind, start explaining or so help me-"
"It's Michael," one of the guards, Jed, interrupts, his expression cold and reserved. "The bastard's gone awol. I'm sayin' utterly batshit crazy."
You pierce him with a stern yet questioning glare, quirking a quizzical brow. "Michael? As in Michael Myers?" 
"Yes, as in Michael fuckin' Myers. That phsyco fuck has already murdered two of my men tonight and one of the inmates since your shift ended hours ago."
Your blood turns to ice, the scowl fading into that of deep concern. What the hell would've caused him to go into a sudden fit of rage? In the couple of years you'd worked in Smith's Grove it was a common occurance to find distressed patients attempting to harm themselves or cause an absolute ruckus, but few ever really attempted to genuinely kill any of the staff. You've never been given the opportunity to read Michael's patient file as it was a highly classified case alongside few others. The instructions you were given when initially taking the job were crystal clear, keep a safe distance away from him when performing daily duties involving the inmate, keep conversation to a minimum, never approach his cell without at least one guard, never enter his cell with fewer than two guards and lastly, never mention his past. It seemed strangely convenient how a position opened up to be his personal nurse soon after you began working there, finding that Loomis offered you the spot rather hesitantly. One small detail bugged you though, and that was the fact that the previous nurse who tended to Michael was strangely never mentioned or talked about again, nobody said where she went afterwards. 
You swallow anxiously, licking at your lips and pulling your attention back to Jamie who stood idly with his hands at his sides. "Where is he now? How did this happen?" You ask. 
"Josh and Erin, for Christ knows why, felt that it would be funny to taunt him and talk about Judith through his cell door after inspection," Jamie states, glaring over at the thin, disheveled guard beside him. "Problem was that his food hatch was still left open at the time and that was all the lucky bastard needed to swipe the keys from those two morons." He jabs a finger in Jed's direction. "This idiot is responsible for not informing those dimwits about who they were dealing with." 
Jed grabs Jamie by the collar of his shirt and yanks him close to his reddening face as he winds up to throw a punch but several of the other staff are quick to tear him away even through the barking of a string of profanities. He rips his arms out of their grasp, glaring and jabbing a finger at Jamie's chest. "I told them to watch 'emselves!" He snarls in his face. "Wasn't my fault they went off spouting some shit 'bout his dead whore of a sister."
"That's exactly the type of behaviour that got them killed!" Jamie roars. "I wonder where the hell they got that from huh?"
You grimace as the vile words leave the guards mouth, visually disgusted and disturbed but trying to brush it off. "Where are they now?"
"Dead. Sunofabitch broke Josh's neck with his bare fuckin' hands. I dunno 'bout Erin. The tall lunkin' bastard is still skulkin' around in the ward. We managed to get it closed off to just a couple of rooms so he can't go wanderin' around anywhere else no more."
"And where the hell is Loomis in all of this?" You ask, folding your arms across your chest uncomfortably upon noticing the eyes of Jed lingering upon your torso for a disgraceful amount of time. 
Jamie shakes his head. "He left the office hours ago. Said he had business to tend to, but I couldn't reach him. His phone just keeps ringing."
Of course the one time that he's needed is when he's not available. The only person Michael saw on a near daily basis was you, his personal nurse, for two straight years. Over that time you'd still known very little about the man other than the public knowledge of his victims. One of the unspoken rules around him was to avoid looking at his face. It was a common circulating rumour among staff that those who dared to gaze upon his face would soon thereafter succumb to his wrath, his 'curse' as they called it, hunting them to the ends of the earth to take the life of those who dared to look evil in the eyes. Whether it was real or just a myth mattered not with the current situation at hand and would remain to be a mystery for the time being. The only person who might've stood a chance at calming Michael down and convincing him to return to his cell, was you. 
"I'll go," you blurt after a moment of careful consideration. Jamie and Jed snap their heads in your direction, a total look of horror plastered on your concerned colleague's face. He shakes his head, opening his mouth to retort but falling silent as you interrupt. "Michael knows me. So I should be the one to go."
Jamie frowns. "You can't be serious. Are you insane?"  
You offer him a sincere yet hesitant smile, a delicate kindness glinting within the soft earthy tones of wet pebbles and deep forest greens entwined with the smoothest flecks of rich gold caramel. You lean towards him, outstretching your hand to ruffle his short, silky blonde locks of hair  playfully. "No more insane than anyone else in this madhouse. If I don't come back then I guess you can have Milo."
His frown falters for a brief second, taken aback by the humour in your strangely calm response before pulling away from your hand but sneaking in a lighthearted smile. Jamie had already been working at the Sanitarium long before you entered the scene, though he'd always held a typically warm and playful disposition around you that never failed to brighten even the most miserable of days. 
"Here, you'll probably be needing this," he adds, handing you a slim black two way radio. "In the event something happens you can reach me through it." Jamie points to a couple of buttons on the handheld device. "This button here is to mute or unmute the sound completely, this one will transmit your voice so long as you're holding it, the rest aren't important. Got it?"
You take the radio and slip it into one of the pockets of your nurse's uniform, nodding at him and turning to head towards the nearby patient ward where Michael was supposedly free roaming, but Jed catches your arm in a firm grip before you can leave. 
"Woah there sweetheart you'll be needin' some company down there all by your lonesome."
You shoot him a nasty glare of disapproval from his sudden manhandling of you, trying to pull your arm from his clutch only to be squeezed tighter. "I don't need company. I don't want to make the situation worse by bringing someone Michael associates with violence."
Jed narrows his eyes at you, leaning in uncomfortably close until you could feel his vile breath beating against your skin, flinching back in response. His voice is deathly calm, squeezing the flesh of your bicep painfully tight between his fingers before you're finally able to wrench it out of his grasp. "I wasn't askin'..."
"Fine. Just...don't cause trouble. I'm trying to calm him down, not agitate him more."
"You got it, Sweet Cheeks," he hums in a sickeningly sweet tone that nauseated you to the core, only made worse after he winks then struts off towards the cordoned off ward with a repulsive grin that sat under his wiry dark mustache. 
You flash one last worried smile in Jamie's direction before scurrying off in pursuit of Jed who was already at the opposite end of the connecting corridor in front of a large white metal gate and fumbling around in his pockets for the large metal ring of keys that jingled every time he took a step. He extracts it from his pocket and flips each one over, taking a brief second to examine the label on the backsides before finally finding the right one. The key slides into the lock with ease, following up with a loud click as it turns; metal grating against metal as the reinforced iron bars slide open and slam shut again, listening as Jed relocks it behind you. 
You peer down the long corridors of endless white, having seen it at least a thousand times, but this time it felt different, as if they stretched on for miles like something straight out of a cartoon. 
The hallway has as much personality as the interstate. It's a thoroughfare for personnel with patients as parcels. The reflective tiling leads onwards past identical doorways edged in grey and the walls simply grow from the floor and stretch upward to the matching ceiling. It is a place of sickness, a place to be forgotten slowly after the initial shock of admittance. After that, it's a slow slide to the morgue, where sallow eyes of drugged or otherwise blank-minded patients tilted toward a sun that remains stubbornly on the wrong side of the dirty window panes of each small cell, the bare walls and bare floors as reflections of what the place really is, as if the building itself was trying to tell staff what they had built and perpetuated. Then there were the windowless rooms for those that were deemed undeserving or untreatable, the lack of real light, the few doors without handles... it was the world's most obviously constructed metaphor for emotional indifference. 
Smith's Grove Sanitarium was marked by the coming of bland, oversalted meals and the brain numbing medications. Never was there anything good, anything that would lift the spirits. The only freedom was fetching a drink in the plastic cups or gazing upon the large bulky TV in the 'lounge' that only ever played childish cartoons. On clear days there was the exception of allowing patients to idle outside in the fenced-off grounds; towering barbed wire fences being the only separation between them and freedom of the real world. There was status in being able to wear one's own clothes, for the masses wandered the wide corridors in pyjamas - faces wiped clean by the medications. The furniture that wasn't hard plastic frayed at the edges and always there were the violent patients to steer clear of, or those that harboured grudges for obscure reasons. 
Perched on the end of a stray medical gurney was an old lady from over the hall, rocking back and forth. In her gnarled hands was the figurine from home, the only thing her husband had gotten past security months ago. Jamie knew of it but had kept quiet to save staff from another tantrum. He'd put it in their daughter's sippy cup and filled it with berry juice at the time and no-one was getting that away from her. She'd been disappointed to finish it earlier than usual but happy to find mother's "angel" at the bottom. The old woman turned to you and Jed who were cautiously approaching and spoke with the voice of a petulant child, "Finders keepers, losers weepers!" Then she turned back to the angel and stroked it again, giggling to herself. Jed glances at the old lady with a mild look of disgust as he passes her, peeking around doorways and into the barren white cells of patients on the loose. He motions down the hall to the right, exactly where Michael's cell is situated. Trailing a few steps behind his cautious posture, the two of you round the corner, and the sight you're greeted by is enough to imprint itself into your mind for years to come, throwing your hands over your mouth to stifle a horrified cry. 
Josh's lifeless body hung from the cell door like some messed up Halloween decoration, lengths of blood drenched white sheets tied around his completely disfigured neck which was twisted and bent back so severely it was as if a column of extra vertebrae was poking out unnaturally from the flesh. His half lidded eyes stared forward into the abyss whilst his jaw hung open, void of his tongue and broken away from his skull, only held together by mangled connecting cheek tissue. 
Streaks of light red and deep crimson smeared the walls of Michael's cell with traces of bloody dribbles splattered across an empty mattress and desk, noting the deep fractured indents in parts of the wall and furniture supposedly where a violent struggle had occurred. 
"Jesus fuckin' christ," Jed mutters under his breath, staring in horror at the scene. His breathing becomes ragged and unsteady as he runs a trembling hand through his scruffy brown hair and turns his back to the grisly display. "I knew that sunofabitch was twisted but by God I didn't think he was this messed up. It's always the silent ones."
You keep your back turned, not daring to take another glance at the grotesque scene. Warm salted beads of tears stung at the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall and wet the supple skin of your cheeks and biting back a sob lingering somewhere near the back of your throat. You sniff sharply and drag the back of your hand across your eyes roughly, blinking the damp residue away before taking a trembling breath and pointing to a trail of bloody shoe prints that lead across into a separate small hallway. 
Jed and you follow them carefully, eyeing the occasional spatter of red staining the floor in large reflective beads. The trail leads into a small nearby break room where staff could sit and chat whilst eating lunch or having a smoke. Your eyes widen at the sight of Erin slumped onto his back against the flimsy wooden cabinets in the corner, his breathing strained and shallow as he clutches at his stomach through his crimson stained white shirt in a pool of his own blood, covered in beads of salted sweat that stuck messy locks of dirty blonde hair to his forehead. He whimpers weakly, reaching out his blood soaked hand as you rush over to his side, kneeling beside him and swallowing harshly before taking his hand tightly within your own to offer some reassurance. Erin tries to sit up, but a blood curdling cry erupts from his mouth halfway through, slumping down against you. Your hand comes to his shoulders, adjusting him so that his head rests gently within your lap so he looks up at you, stroking your thumb over his forehead and offering him a pained smile. He was a complete mess and clinging on for dear life. 
The entire room was chaotic, as if a bomb had gone off. The cheap wooden table in the centre of the room was completely upturned and thrown to the side alongside the remnants of plastic chairs discarded like mere children's toys. The floor was covered in shattered ceramic plates and glasses with the doors of cupboards hanging from their frail metal hinges. 
Erin coughs, spitting blood and hissing as a wave of pain surges through his frame. Your fingers continue to stroke over his paling skin, wiping away the sticky strands of sweat drenched hair from his eyes. "H-He went in-to a m-mad rage," he stammered, the fluorescent tube lighting reflecting in his glassy eyes. "Am..I g-gonn-a die?" His heavy eyes search for your own, a silent request for the horrible truth. You shake your head frantically, shushing him in a featherlight tone still stroking the young boy's face. But the look in your eyes told him everything he needed to know. 
"Where is Michael?" Jed asks sternly, slowly approaching the two of you on the floor. 
You whip your head in his direction, a total look of disgust that he'd really just asked a dying boy that question rather than being more concerned with comforting him during his last few agonising moments. "Jed." You hiss venomously. You didn't know Erin well, having only interacted with him on a few occasions during break time and he didn't seem to be all that bad of a kid but noticeably picked up bad habits from those around him in an attempt to fit in. On this rare occasion, he was unfortunate enough to be present to piss off the wrong person. 
"I'm sorry but we don't got time to sit around mournin' the loss of people right now. Do you understand what the hell is at stake here, girl? If that man gets out we are all in big shit and there'll be a hell of a lot more than those two boys to grieve over."
"Are you hearing yourself right now?!" You bark at him. "He's eighteen!"
"And I'm the ripe fuckin' age of thirty-two and I'm tellin' you right now I sure as shit don't plan on goin' gentle into that good goddamn night any time soon, y'hear me?"
Erin splutters violently in your lap, desperately clinging to your hands that brushed over his face. He whimpers at the slightest of movements, squeezing his teary eyes shut for a moment. "M-mask," he croaks out between shallow, pained breaths. "Per-sona-l b-belong-ings r-oom."
Jed scrunches his face in thought, trying to better understand the boy through slurred and garbled phrases. "Are you telling me he's there?" 
Erin swallows harshly, weakly nodding in response to his question. "H-He's loo-king f-for his m-ask. Gon-na c-come bac-k soon."
You can feel Erin's grip of you loosening as he struggles to finish his sentence, gasping for air in between words. Everytime his body spasms with a fit of coughing a steady stream of fresh blood trickles from the horrifically large lacerations in his stomach and side, soaking your once pristine white uniform a rich shade of Ruby. It didn't gush in a constant flow, but in time with the beating of Erin's heart. At first it came thick and strong, flowing through his fingers as they clasped the ripped flesh. He felt the blood move over his hand, the thick fluid no warmer or cooler than his own skin. After a few moments more the blood was still leaving his rapidly paling flesh, but the pulses were slower, weaker.
There was nothing you could do at this point to stop his bleeding, nothing that would make the pain stop until his heart eventually stopped beating and his veins emptied from blood loss. 
The very least you could do was stay by his side until the inevitable happened. 
A loud clatter down the hall startles you, ripping your attention away as you frantically look back and forth between your colleague, the door and Erin. Jed peeks from the doorway before abruptly leaning down and grabbing the collar of your dress and yanking you out from beneath the boy and up to your feet. "We need to move. Michael's comin'," he growls, snatching your arm again and inches towards the doorway only to be met with your defiant resistance. 
"We can't just leave him here!" You answer, wrenching your arm from his grasp and stumbling back down to Erin but Jed is far stronger, ripping you away from him for the final time, struggling to keep you still. Erin let out a string of pained sobs, clutching at his abdomen.
"You can't help him! He's gonna die regardless! If you don't move your ass now we'll all end up dead. I will drag you out of here by your goddamn hair if I have to."
As difficult as it was to admit, there was a sickening truth in his words. Nothing could help Erin at this point and If you stayed for much longer you'd end up suffering the same fate as Josh. Your stomach is churning, mind screaming and your eyes shedding those cursed warm streams of salted tears as you glance down at Erin on the floor, a final regretful sob fleeing your lips and mouthing a silent 'I'm sorry' before Jed pulls you from the room and towards the vacant and untouched cell opposite. Erin's voice breaks as he calls out to the two of you weakly, pleading and sobbing uncontrollably for you to come back and not let him die alone. 
He hauls you into the empty cell, partially pushing closed the heavy metal door and pulling you into the corner to clamp a large hand over your mouth to stifle your sobs, whispering gentle hushed words to you. The two of you grow silent, listening to the pad of footsteps approaching, finally stopping just outside of the break room. Erin begins to cry and yell out frantically, turning into the most horrendous blood curdling screams to ever have greeted your senses, they were  primal. It had a raw intensity to it that told of urgency, of desperate need. Loud crashing and shattering echoes through the halls for a solid few moments, then a gurgled retch followed by a sickening crack and finally a heavy thump. 
The screaming stops. 
The words would forever come to haunt you in years to come, plaguing you in your sleep as a reminder that you let an innocent young boy die at the hands of Michael Myers.
For a few moments you linger in back breaking silence, in an atmosphere so strained and brittle that it felt like it could snap in an instant. Your eyes moved with the alertness that comes from heavy stress and trembling hands remained clenched by subconscious demand, suddenly becoming acutely aware of the beating rhythm of your racing heart. The overwhelming urge to vomit was becoming extreme from your senses overloading with the pungent, coppery scent of blood and antiseptic blurring into one. Jed holds you against him, your back pressed tightly against his chest with his hand still clamped firmly over your mouth. His chest rises and falls in quick, ragged breaths before slowly letting his palm fall away from your face that glistened with beads of sweat and dried tears. Prying yourself away from him, you gasp for a desperate breath of air and  cling to the wall for support as it was the only thing to keep your knees from completely buckling beneath you. 
"Why is he doing this…?" 
Jed watches you with unblinking brown eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows silently. "You tell me. You're his carer ain'tcha?"
"T-that doesn't mean I understand the inner workings of his mind. I'm not psychic, Jed."
Jed inches towards the cell door, practically shoving you aside to peek from the small grated window in it. He steps back after a moment of tilting his head from side to side through the opening, sighing and angling his head in your direction in the slightest. There's an uncanny sense of contemplation that lurks deep within that piercing gaze that you can't fully comprehend; as if he's reading you, studying you, digging through heaps of conflicted thoughts and piecing something together like a puzzle within his mind. Jed's breath slows, almost stilling before he finally blinks and sets his jaw, clenching faintly yellowed teeth together and flexing his fists by his sides. 
Something about his disposition made you uneasy. Jed always made you uncomfortable with his inappropriate remarks and gestures, often overhearing him behaving in a vile manner around patients, but you'd never seen him in such deep thought. 
"Come on," he utters after breaking his gaze and pushing open the door gently and peeking around the corner one final time before stepping back out into the open corridor. "We're gonna need more assistance."
You follow him into the open hallway cautiously, fearful eyes rapidly jumping to each empty doorway in the hopes no unwelcome company was lurking. "What the hell are you going to accomplish with that?" You hiss at him, offering a skeptical glare. "For all we know he could be waiting for us at the gates."
"That monster ain't got a single thought rollin' around in that thick fuckin' skull of his other than killing. He don't understand shit. He don't got a plan because he ain't that fuckin' smart."
"You don't kno-"
"You ain't about to tell me that I don't know shit, girl," Jed snarls, whipping his head around at you with a glare so cold it almost made you flinch. "Tell me, if you think he's so damn smart why doesn't he just come out now and make this pointless game of hide and seek come to a quick end? If he were that smart he'd know this little game ends with him getting locked back up to rot, right where the fuck he belongs. I'll do what's necessary for Josh and Erin." 
There it was, again. A hint of something so obscure and puzzling in the man's gait, enough to send you back stepping a couple of paces just in case. Was it the tone? Or the stance perhaps? The bitter piercing coldness in his eyes? Was it the way his fingertips brushed against the baton on his hip? You can't put a finger on it, but brushing the unease aside was all that you could do right now. 
You follow him down the seemingly empty corridors again, the opposite direction from where Erin and Josh faced their horrible demise. Erin mentioned that Michael had been looking for the personal belongings room, a small and inconspicuous storage section off to the side of the ward where only certain personnel were allowed in and out of, including Doctor Loomis, whom you'd witnessed entering only a small handful of times when he'd left the comfort of his office where he resided most of his days for hours on end. It's always intrigued you to know just what was hidden so very protectively within. Jed walked with a slight stiffness in his step, the sound of his keys jingling from his pocket as he reached in to take hold of them, but he pauses, his eyes widening in surprise at the scene.
The door was completely destroyed and smashed through, chips and jagged shards of the flimsy  wood laying scattered about the bloodied tile flooring in the doorway. A single lone light bulb  flickered eerily from the ceiling, doing little to light the room. Inside mimicked the chaos to what you found in the break room, laying in absolute disarray. Metal filing cabinets containing hundreds of past and present confidential patient records were strewn about the room, metal closet doors ripped from their hinges and tipped over, except for one. The worn paper label on the front of the battered cabinet read a name, scribbled in messy black marker and stained with recent thin streaks of red. 
Michael Audrey Myers.
Any questions to whether or not Michael had truly found the room were quickly answered. Nobody else was capable of this level of destruction. 
"Fuck," Jed utters behind you, stepping into the room and glancing around at the destruction whilst kicking aside debris and haphazardly strewn folders before finally reaching the same cabinet your attention was focused on. "Well shit he's one destructive and persistent bastard." He rummages around the drawer, finding dribbles of fresh blood smeared and leaked onto his patient record and the empty plastic evidence bags, ripped apart with ease to get to the contents within. 
You anxiously eye your visibly distressed colleague, flinching when he roars a string of profanities beside you and slams his fist into the cabinet with a loud metallic clatter. He sighs, rubbing a palm over his face. 
"What was in here?" You ask with some hesitation, picking up one of the torn plastic bags and peering at it curiously.
"Everythin' that the police repossessed after his arrest and admittance here years ago. Loomis demanded that he be allowed the rights to keep them for reasons that he never disclosed. That creepy fuckin' mask, some mechanics overalls and a kitchen knife," Jed explains, turning away from the cabinet and leaning his weight against it to take a breather. "I don't know how he knew where to find it."
Your eyes scan through the drawer again, pushing aside scraps of paperwork before pulling out Michael's patient record and flipping open the yellowing pages gently and briefly examining them. Paragraphs of written psychological assessments and details about his behaviour starting on October 31st; The exact same day that he murdered Judith. There wasn't much in the file that you didn't already know about, but one sentence in particular stood out. "I do," you mumble softly, still staring at the paragraphs of messy writing. Jed quirks a brow in your direction silently, his eyes flicking back and forth from the folder in your hands to your unreadable expression. 
"What?" He asks. 
"He's got some sort of...Supernatural connection to the mask," you add as you squint at the small photos in the corners of the page depicting him wearing the mask and the mask placed on an empty table adorning tiny crimson droplets of blood splattered across the ghostly white latex cheeks. 
Jed snorts and snatches the folder from your hands as he shakes his head dismissively and tosses the folder to the ground along with the messy piles of other discarded, torn records. "Supernatural my ass. He's just some messed up freak who gets off to hurtin' others. He is evil. Do you know what grows the seed of evil, girl? Emotional indifference. And I'm tellin' you there is nothin' in that man. Absolutely nothin'."
Michael was a peculiar case much like many other residents in Smith's Grove. He wasn't the first and he certainly would not be the last. In the two years of tending to him, he'd never spoken a single word to you nor anyone else, exactly as Loomis had claimed prior to your arrival. You hadn't even seen his face. The only thing audible whenever you stepped into his cell was the quiet whir of the small air vent, and the rare sound of him breathing in the corner where he always remained facing away as he idled in the chair beside his desk where only the back of his head was visible; adorning dark, soft boyish curls. It was believed that he stopped speaking the night he butchered Judith in her own room, having stabbed her a total of seventeen times and mutilating her corpse long after she'd died. 
"Then how the hell do you explain how he found it here without ever being told?"
He pauses, piercing you with an icy, narrow stare, watching with such intensity you thought he might just burst a blood vessel. It was identical to the look he'd shown earlier, momentarily pulling at something in the back of your mind. Jed remains utterly silent; his Adam's apple bouncing up and then down as he swallows. The silence is more than enough to answer your question. 
"That's what I thought," you utter blandly and shove past him, bumping his shoulder purposefully as you exit the room and back out into the cool, wide hallway and begin reaching for the radio tucked away discreetly in your breast pocket. You flip up the thin black antenna and hold the device close to your mouth but a cruel hand is swift to slap it out of your hand with a harsh strike. It flies from your palm, clattering to the ground loudly; the blood chilling noise echoing throughout the ward. Your eyes snap open, wide in alarm and gawking at the radio laying in pieces on the floor; not completely destroyed but undeniably damaged. You approach it but before you can reach down to pick up the pieces, it's too late. Jed shoves you aside and brings his black leather boot down onto it with a violent stomp, instantly crushing it and any remaining hope of it still functioning. You stare at it wide eyed, feeling the blood within your veins turn to ice. 
"What the hell are you doing!?" You shriek frantically as you stagger back against the wall. 
"I'm sorry darlin'," Jed mutters, that same expression on his face. "I can't let you do that." 
Then, you truly realise what it is. What that tone is. What that expression is; It's guilt. Blatant, shameful guilt. He's been silently weighing up his options in his mind from the moment he laid eyes upon Josh whom Michael had purposely strung up like a morbid ornament on his door. It wasn't because Michael felt artistic, no. It was far more than that. It was a message. A message to Jed. A message that specifically targeted those boys under Jed's care silently taunting him 'You reap what you sow,' and sow the consequences of his actions, he will. Michael knew what he was doing and it was personal from the beginning.
It's his promise of saying 'This'll be you, so you best start running.'
Taglist: @randomyklol
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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years ago
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Long Nights - playlist
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You can find it on Spotify here.
Eddie Vedder - Long nights
I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--
For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)
I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.
So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.
And I found it.
The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.
//Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before//
That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.
//Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground//
Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?
Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe
I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).
I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.
//You shut me down, you like the control
You speak to me like I'm a child
Try to hold it down, I know the answer
I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me
I tried to play it nice but
Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh
Don't kill my vibe
Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh
Don't break my stride//
To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.
//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//
That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.
Tom Grennan - I might
To me, it’s another character introduction song.
//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//
....you already know what I’m getting at, right?
//Don't want no one taking up my time
Staying on my mind, changing up my life
Don't want no one messing up my bed
Fucking with my head, it's no lie//
That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.
There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)
//But when you look at me like that
I might//
See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.
Kings of Leon - Find me
That’s more chapter-specific.
//I really wanna know your name
See your face, know who you are, who you are
How did ya find me, how did ya find me?
What are you looking for, are you looking for
How did ya find me how did ya find me
Up in the shadow, picking up my load//
I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.
American Authors - I’m born to run
Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.
//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young
Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run
I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come
Do whatever I want like I'm born to run
I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo
I wanna be careless even if I break my bones
I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young
Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run
All these things I've seen and done
I live my life like I'm born to run//
The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner
Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.
//You could have my body
But you can't have me
I know I'm a criminal
Don't you tell on me//
That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!
Missy Elliot - Work it
(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)
Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.
//Come on
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//
...you see what I mean?
Chapter 2: Praise you
God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.
//We've come a long long way together
Through the hard times and the good
I have to celebrate you baby
I have to praise you like I should//
Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?
It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?
...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.
Sam Fender - Start again
This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:
//Let's start again
Let's learn to talk
Without the fear of being heard
'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody
Let's pull the cord
Move below
Let's start again//
Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult
Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.
//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me
You never can get enough of whatever you think you need
No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush
Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//
This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.
//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets
You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//
That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.
//And now I'm standing in the rain
And your hair, it's falling in your face
And I know we're doing the right thing//
Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.
//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//
Ouch.
//On and off, difficult
Too in love to let it go
Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//
The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.
That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.
//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//
I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.
Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you
There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.
//Skin on skin
We didn't finish what we started
Heart to heart
I'm missing your love//
Keir - Probably
The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.
//Colliding were the walls
And I forget where I began
I wish I could remember love//
Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.
//Probably underneath
There's a remedy
Possibly in the air
In the oxygen I breathe
Probably//
And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.
Dermot Kennedy - Glory
This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.
//A set of eyes had pinned him
Became his version of a kingdom
She's everything the devil can't be
When she's singing to me "Glory"//
Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.
Rhys Lewis - Living in The City
If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:
//I've been living in the city too long
I've been given everything that I've got
Been a sinner and a saint
Crazy, and sane
I've been living in the city too long//
We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?
//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go
Wants to just run away
But the rest of my soul says I should stay
I should stay//
And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?
Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad
God, do I love this song.
//So this is where we are
It's not where we had wanted to be
If half the world's gone mad
The other half just don't care, you see
You don't want to fuck with us
British to the very last
When it feels like the world's gone mad
And there's nothing you can do about it
No there's nothing you can do about it//
It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.
Who’s Molly - Touch the sky
Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.
//We can never see beyond that horizon.
And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.
But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.
We'll make it through.
If you were here with me.//
That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.
//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.
I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.
And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.
You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.
Never would have thought I could win this battle.
I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.
We're going to set the world alight tonight.
Cause we can touch the sky!//
That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.
//Close your eyes, free your soul.
You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//
Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌
Dermot Kennedy - Young & free
Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.
//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die
Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines
Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind
Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time
We were young
We were free, come on now, let it go//
The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.
James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me
Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.
//I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating//
To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.
Ruelle - Oh my my
Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.
//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones
Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum
Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind
You never see us creeping in, creeping in
Oh my my, oh my my
You never stood a chance
...
Ready or not, here we come//
The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.
Speaking of rain--
Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain
The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.
//But it's alright because
You cause lanterns to light
And force demons disperse
And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears
Then, for evil, you could not be worse
But I see you now, yeah, I see you
And release me now, kinda like dreams do
And I see you now, was hard to see you
Just don't forget to sing
Remember everything//
So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.
I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.
Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?
...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)
//If you think just maybe it's her
Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know
You won't go lonely, yeah
It'll all be better in the morning
'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//
Aquillo - Six feet over ground
Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.
//Today's the day I found myself alright
When I look ahead, pretend it never came.
I found a way to keep my head above
But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'
Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing
I'm still six feet over ground
But you don't need to know now
You don't need to know how I'm doing//
They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.
Aquilo - Silhouette
The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder
Strangers in your head
As if you don't remember
As if you can forget
It's only been a moment
It's only been a lifetime
But tonight you're a stranger
Some silhouette //
When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.
//Just hold me//
Nathan Ball - Drifting
//I can see in your eyes
When you lie awake at night
You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright
To keep on drifting
With the drugs keeping you high
They catch you falling from the sky
I keep asking myself why
You stand by
And keep on drifting
So tell me what you hold inside
Tell the backstreets of your mind
You're still lonely as a child
Teary eyed
Kept on drifting//
Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.
Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--
//So take my hand and hold on
Take my hand don't let go//
That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.
I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.
Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic
//Cold light wakes me in the morning,
Your side is empty I was calling out to you,
I was calling out to you.//
That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.
//But I don't need your love,
I just need your
Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up
Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,
When I'm hungover too.
Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,
You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,
When I'm lonely for you.
All that I need is a sweet escape,
And all that I need is a sweet escape.
...
Cause I don't need your love
But I just need you now
And I don't need your love
I just need you now//
This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.
RHODES - Breathe
The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.
//Mind break in two,
There's a light in the sky, there's a light
And it's all for you
Dawn colors all
Tell me how do you feel?
Tell me how do you need to heal?//
Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.
//Breathe, release it all
Come on now, I'll keep you warm
Come on!
Breathe, release it all
Come on now, I need your love
Come on now!//
To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.
Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic
The one for ✨the moment✨.
//Comfort me, oh comfort me
I'm lighting up
To see the day you run for me
You run for me, my love//
Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.
//But I've been tied up
For days
And I've been thinking of the things that you say
And I've been wound up
Each way
I need to let you know, to let you know today//
Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.
//You call me a liar
You call me so innocent
But you lit the fire
You lit the fire that burns
The fire that burns inside us
I'm not innocent
I lit the fire, the fire, the fire
I lit the fire//
Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.
The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version
//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said
You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head
Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said
You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark
To start again//
You can see it, right?
Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.
//And it feels like falling in, falling in love
Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love
Could save me tonight//
The 1975 - Fallingforyou
//According to your heart
My place is not deliberate
Feeling of your arms
I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck
Don't you see me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
And don't you need me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
On this night, and in this light
I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you
And maybe you, change your mind//
They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.
Adam French - Weightless
The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.
That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.
//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders
You see you're gonna make it alright
How you're gonna make it alright
When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright
You say your body will
You say your body will
Hold me in the night
...
Only you can make me weightless
...
Closer is all I ever wanted to be
There for ya so you can be confiding in me
There to break the fall
Here for everybody to see
Weightless after all//
Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect
I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.
And my god, this song.
//You live like you're a secret
One that only I could know
'Cause I said
You know what I want and
I know who you are
I know when I hold you and love you
You'll get up and go before you fall apart//
...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?
//I'll bring you every colour that I find
In your eyes
You wake me up
And it breaks my heart
That you're perfectly imperfect
You're hurting but you're worth it
You don't know why
I would waste my time
But I'm falling and I mean it
I want you like I need it
There's nothing you could try to change my mind
'Cause I'm in love
So call me when you want me and I'll come running
Find me waiting at your door
So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long
'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//
That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.
Bastille - Survivin’
The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.
//And I'm not gonna lie
Say I've been alright
'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down
What can I say? I'm survivin'
Crawling out these sheets to see another day
What can I say? I'm survivin'
And I'm gonna be fine
I'm gonna be fine
I think I'll be fine//
As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.
Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped
Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.
//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//
Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--
//Feels like I know you so well
You could be everything that I've been missing
I'm coming out of my shell
And I never do that
How did you do that?
It's like I've known you my whole life//
That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.
//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses
Maybe you like me the way I am//
That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.
//Baby, I'm in love//
🙃
INXS - Need you tonight
I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)
//So slide over here and give me a moment
Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know
I've got to let you know
You're one of my kind
I need you tonight
'Cause I'm not sleepin'
There's somethin' about you, girl
That makes me sweat//
That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.
Dermot Kennedy - Days like this
Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.
That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.
//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch
Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this
When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this
When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//
They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.
James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic
The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.
//Take your time
I'll be right here
I know no one could ever love me better
Take all night
You're the truth that
Is breaking me and keeping me together
Together
I wanna be in your touch
Sleep is so tough
You're burning up my mind
What would it feel like if you tore me apart?
Come on chew on my heart
...
I'm on fire
I'm a hot mess
I'm thinking things that I might start regretting
So hear me out
I need you now
I'm spiraling
I'm sinking down
Look for me I'm sending up a message
A message//
I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.
Picture This - Unconditional
This one just makes my heart sing.
//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it
Even when we're sleepless and damaged
I don't doubt it
We're holding on//
That’s exactly it.
//Baby I wish we could take this feeling
And put it away somewhere safe
'Til we need it
Unconditional
I'm so afraid of losing your love//
They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.
//Shivers running down my back with your fingers
The smell of your perfume it lingers
And whispers
What I want you to say
Under your skin, underdressed under covers
We bring out the best in each other
Two lovers finding our way//
The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.
BANNERS - Start a riot
But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.
//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm
No surrender, no retreat
I will tear down every wall
Just to keep you warm
Just to bring you home
I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust
I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust
Will you take my hand?
We can make our stand
If your world falls apart
I'd start a riot
If night falls in your heart
I'd light the fire
In the dark, when you sound the alarm
We'll find each other's arms
For your love, all you are
I'd start a riot//
The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.
Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--
Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live
When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.
I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.
//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//
Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.
//No, I don't want to fall in love
With you, with you
What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//
And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.
Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.
Lewis Watson - Little light
//And all this shade is, illuminating
And all those love lines, are taking shape
And all my worries, disintegrating
And I've been waiting, I've been waiting
And all my days were young and wasted
When I was waiting, oh for you
And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading
But ever since I found you
A little light is breaking through//
Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.
X Ambassadors - Renegades
Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.
//Long live the pioneers
Rebels and mutineers
Go forth and have no fear
Come close and lend an ear
All hail the underdogs
All hail the new kids
All hail the outlaws
Spielbergs and Kubricks
It's our time to make a move
It's our time to make amends
It's our time to break the rules
Let's begin//
I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.
I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)
Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t
Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.
//Under the water
It's cold and it's grey
My torrid autumn
Another season decays
Open up the Hollow
And my walls come down
I tell you it's a problem
Just when no one's around
But then
I know what's wrong
God, you complicated everything
I know you're gone, gone, gone
This is where I will draw my line
I will draw my line//
To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.
Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway
I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.
I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.
//It's a long way down
I keep backing away from the edge
And it's a slow burnout
Like the fires that rage in my head
And it's a slow cry out
When you've got so many tears you could die
And it's a long time to wait
When you take all my tears away//
Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.
//My body is colder
Time is frozen
All these feelings have poisoned my soul
And in silence no I can't stand it
Please break these chains and hell I can
Hideaway//
She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.
//You're my one way out
And my tears won't save me now
Save me now
I can't stand it
All this loneliness I feel
I can't do this alone
I need someone to remind my feelings
That I've fallen down by the door
It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now
It's a long way down
I keep backing away from the edge
And it's a slow burnout
Like the fires that rage in my head//
Macy Gray - I try
One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.
//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.
Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic
//She told me she was hollow
That's far from what I see//
That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.
//I told her she was special
She almost let me in
But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//
We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.
//Lonely is her favourite
If only I could change it
If I could only save her
But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken
Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open
Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire
Mostly she's everything I desire
Lonely is her favourite place to be//
Galleaux - Tether me
I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.
//In this space, do I belong?
It's dark out here in my own thoughts
Pull me back, out of my body
I'm tied to my limbs
They're spinning me out of control
Tether me//
And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.
Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay
There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.
It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.
//Lover, I know you're weary
Eyes are tired from the night
Lover, come to the kitchen floor
Tiles are cold, so am I//
You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.
//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin
And I don't wanna be alone
If I am tonight, I'll always be//
Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.
//So take from me what you want, what you need
Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need
But lover, please stay with me, oh//
You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨
Foo Fighters - Home
When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.
//Wish I were with you
But I couldn't stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today
All I want is to be home//
About to leave for good.
This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.
BANKS - Someone new
Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -
//I can love you desperately
Though your love ain't guaranteed
Oh, I wish you knew the deal
Gotta learn from far away
And I simply needed space
Space for me to be
And I think you need it too
Though I know you call me selfish for assuming
I did this for you too//
This, this, all of this! You see it, right?
//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you
Don't know what else to do//
Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.
//And please don't fall in love with someone new
I promise one day I'll come back for you//
And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.
//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words
Calling me a fool
Saying that I've fucked up everything
And you'll never forgive me//
See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.
Agnes Obel - Riverside
//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep
And I don't know why I go the way
Down by the riverside//
As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.
Billy Raffoul - Dark four door
There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.
//You got up, you felt you should
I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could
I never thought that you would//
Chris Cornell - Before we disappear
Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.
//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?
How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//
Dermot Kennedy - A closeness
The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--
//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you
Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss
A permanent truth, a means to get through//
Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?
//Deep into the night, eyes closing
Heart swollen with my loving for you
A solid embrace, kind face
And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons
Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night
You've got a heart like the moon
Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it
'Cause she got to go soon//
And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.
Ryan McMullan - Outcry
I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.
//You came a long way to see me
So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine
What's the point that you're making
Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind
If in doubt, don't fake it
I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie
If you're in love don't be ashamed of it
'Cause even angels fall for demons//
God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?
And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.
//I've heard stories, but they're jaded
So give me something more
I only know what I've been told
But I can tell that you're frustrated
And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold
If you tell me you're hurting
I'm hurting too, yeah
Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine
I'll wait for the outcry
Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//
And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.
//If you feel like leaving
Then maybe it's for the best
Or if you feel like you've given in
Oh, give yourself a chance
If you feel like crying
Oh please don't hold it in
If you feel like reaching out oh
Let me in//
His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.
Gavin James - Hard to do
One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.
//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave
This house isn't home to me
I'm tired of losing everyone I see
Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do
Trying to hold on//
Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.
//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run
But two hearts are better than one
You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone
Oh, I'll be gone
It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//
Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.
//Oh, but I need you
Far more than I ever want you
It's such an unnatural thing we do
When falling in love's just so hard to do
Hard to do//
She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.
Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you
I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.
//Wherever you are
You know that I adore you
No matter how far
Well, I can go before you
And if ever you need someone
Well, not that you need helping
But if ever you want someone
Know that I am willing//
He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.
//Oh, and I don't want to change you
I don't want to change you
I don't want to change your mind//
Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.
//I've never been with anyone
In the way I've been with you
But if love is not for fun
Then it's doomed
'Cause water races
Water races down the waterfalls//
Lucy Spraggan - Run
Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?
//I just to run to the end of the world
Just to see if it's possible
I don't care what I've been told
I want to run to the end of the world
I'm going to run,run,run
Bye bye problems
Run 'til the road hits the sea
You better run,run,run
If you want to be free//
Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.
//I wanna feel invincible
One more mile out of principle
I want to see the whole damn world
One cross road can change it all//
Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.
------
Quite a journey that was.
Thank you all for taking it with me.
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atomic-taco-muffin · 4 years ago
Text
Kingdom High Chapter 3
Warnings: same as the other two
Rating: SFW
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(lesbian panic)
Once upon a time...
In a faraway land...
“I am Raven Queen, daughter of the Evil Queen, and I pledge-uhm... I—” Raven said. Apple was waiting behind Raven excitedly.
“Come on! Do it!” she said. 
“I-huh...” Raven said. 
All eyes were on Raven as she faced the most important choice—
Really? You're gonna start there, at Legacy Day? 
You know, there's only really room for one narrator here.
Start at the beginning! Where the whole Rebel and Royal drama began!
Oh, fine! Gather round, friends, and let us tell you a story: the story of Ever After High, a high school for the teenage sons and daughters of the most famous fairy tale characters who ever lived. But this year was like no other for the students of Ever After High. Raven's Tale, the story of a Rebel.
It was the year of Legacy Day; a momentous event where the students pledge to all the magical world to follow the same paths as their fairy tale parents. 
Which they better do, or else!
I'm sorry, who's telling this story?! If you don't—
“Would you two stop fighting?!” Maddie asked as she stomped her foot.
“Peas and crackers,” she said. 
“Um, who are you talking to?” Raven asked. Maddie ran up to Raven.
“Why, the narrators! Oh, you can't hear them, Raven, only I can,” she said. 
“Okay...” Raven said. Maddie looked up and giggled.
“Can I talk now?” Raven asked. 
“Mhm!” Maddie said.
“It's just... Ah! I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm so ‘evil,’ because my mom was. It's not fair!” Raven sent her baggage to oblivion using her magic by accident. Maddie put her hand on Raven’s shoulder.
“No one thinks you're evil. Hehe, now you're just talking crazy! La-la-la!” she said. 
“Daughter of the Mad Hatter calls ME crazy?” Raven asked. She then sighed.
“Would you stop with the worry-flurry?” Maddie asked. The two of them walked up the steps.
“Everyone at school loves you!” Maddie said.
“It's Raven Queen! Run!” a pig said. 
“She. Is. Evil!” a prince said and a fountain sprayed at him.
“Run, everyone!” Lilly-Bo Peep said. Her sheep bleated in alarm. The students screamed and hid away.
“See? They love you!” Maddie said. Her watch sprung open.
“Yay,” she said. she flung off her watch her watch and set up a tea table.
“Tea time! Earl Grey!” she said. Earl Grey squeaked.
“Oh, you clever dormouse! Why, yes,” she said as she poured some tea into a cup.
“This is a new dress,” she said. It became lunch time and Raven sat alone in the castleteria.
And so, life for Raven was not easy; feeling alone and isolated.
As it should be. She is destined to be evil.
Couldn't go twenty seconds without talking, could you?
Dexter noticed Raven and approached her. He waved and started talking to her.
“Hey, Raven! Uh-You look gort... I mean great. I-I don't even know what gort is...” he said. 
“I'd offer you a seat, but I'm ‘evil.’ To sit here you'd have to be pretty—” Raven said. Daring and Apple entered the room and fans screamed for them.
“Daring?” Raven asked.
“Oooh, Daring!” a girl said.
“What? No, Raven, I'm Dex, Dexter Charming! Daring's my bro...” Dexter flinced.
“Ther. Oh, gort,” he said. 
“Raven, how's every enchanted thing?” Apple asked. 
“Apple White. Good to see ya. Hey, Daring!” Raven said. 
“I-uh I have to warn you: don't stare at the teeth. Just got them whitened,” Daring said. He flashed a smile in another direction and it had tanned the pigs. The bell soon rang.
“Oh-oh! There's the bell. Time for Good Kingdom Management,” Apple said. She waved a hand to Raven.
“Raven, what's your next class?” she asked. 
“Uh... History of Evil Spells?” Raven read.
“That is so perfect for you!” Apple chuckled. Cerise walked past them.
“Hey, Cerise, how's it going?” Daring asked. He smiled at her which caused her to drop her tray. She growled but then coughed afterwards.
“Oh uh, sorry, I-I have a cold!” she said and ran away.
“Free food!” a pig said.
That night, as Raven returned to her dorm, she found quite the surprise waiting for her. Raven knocked on the door, expecting Maddie to be inside.
“Hey! Maddie?” Raven asked as she lightly pushed open the door.
“Welcome home, roomie!” Apple said as she turned around.
“Huh, good one, Apple. I'm rooming with Maddie this year.”
“Not anymore! Since you're such an important part of my story; you poison me, I fall asleep...” Apple shook her head.
“The prince wakes you with a kiss blah-blah-blah, yada-yada I know! So?” Raven said. 
“So, I asked headmaster Grimm if we could live together! And he said yes,” Apple said while nodding her head.
“Isn't that enchanting?” she asked.
“Ugh... But-but...” Raven said.
“Oh-oh-oh! You are going to love rooming with me! I'm thoughtful, and beautiful, and I sing the most wonderful songs about woodland creatures.” She cleared her throat and started singing.
“🎵All the doves love to fly and the hares love to burrow!🎵” she sang. Raven was annoyed and she shooed the doves out.
“Move along, move along. Nothing to see here,” she said. One dove unexpectedly stayed and Raven stroked its chin.
“And, I already decorated your half of the room!” Apple clapped.
“Isn't it just the evilest? I knew you'd love it!” she said. 
“This is gonna be a looooong year,” Raven shrugged. She continued playing with the dove.
Which brings us to the rehearsals for the Legacy Day ceremony.
“So, when your magical key appears, you insert it gently into the Storybook of Legends, then stand, shoulders back, and declare your destiny to the world! Have I made myself clear?” Headmaster Grimm said.
“Headmaster Grimm, but what if...” Raven asked as she held up her finger.
“No questions? Good. Now, we're going to practice with this tiny Manual of Entirely Reasonable School Rules.” He cleared his throat and signaled the little pig to leave.
“I, Madeline Hatter, pledge to follow the destiny of dear old dad: The Maaaad Hatter of Wonderland! When do we drink the tea?” Maddie said. 
“Next!” Grimm said. 
“I'm Hunter Huntsman and I pledge to follow my destiny as the next huntsman. I'll swing my axe bravely and—” Hunter said. He looked in the audience and saw his pet squirrel, Pesky, blowing a rasberry.
“Really, Pesky? You wanna play that way?” Hunter asked. 
“Next!” Grimm said. 
“I'm-I'm Cedar Wood, and-uh I pledge to follow my destiny and be the next Pinocchio. Well, I mean, not the next Pinocchio... huh. I mean, actually, I can only tell the truth while I'm in school, but then one day, one day I'm gonna lie... Uh, but does that mean I'm gonna be like my dad... or not like my dad...” Cedar said. 
“Next!” Grimm said. Suddenly, some girls had arrived. 
“Um, excuse me! Are you Headmaster Grimm?” Akaya asked. 
“Yes, I am. Who might you be?” Grimm said. 
“My name is Akaya and these are my friends. This is Lisa, Liliana, Daicha, Hana (yes i’m adding my oc), Yui (and yes i’m adding yui from the lost princess series), Annna, Yami, Anju, Kurota, Ahmya, Kaji, Mizuki, Elena, Ena, Eimi, Hasumi Chika, Sakura, Aashni, Alina, Dawn, Chihiro, and Adreanna.”
“Ahh, you must be our new transfer students. Come, come. We’re just doing our Legacy Day Rehearsal.” Akaya and the others walked up to the podium. As the Royals were doing their pledge, Yui and Raven spoke with each other. 
“‘sup! I’m Yui. What’s your name?” Yui whispered. 
“I’m Raven. Are you a royal or a rebel?” Raven whispered back. 
“I’m a rebel.”
“Cool. Me too. Hope we get to know each other during this year.” 
“Next!” Grimm said. Yui walked up to the podium. 
“I am Yui. Daughter of Xemnas. And I pledge to become the next superior of Organization XIII. If I don’t do anything stupid that is,” she said. 
“Next!” Grimm said. Yui’s friends went next. 
“I'm Raven Queen and I pledge to follow my destiny as... um... I have a question!” Raven said. 
“What is it?” 
“I was just wondering, I mean, what if I don't want to take the pledge?” everyone gasped except for Yui and her friends. Apple’s mouth fell open and Daring shut it with the back of his hand.
“What? It's just a question!” Raven said. Headmaster Grimm walked sternly up to Raven. 
“And here's your answer. If you don't pledge your destiny, your story ceases to exist,” he said. 
“Ceases to exist? So then... What happens to me?” Raven asked. 
“You will cease to exist! Poof!” Raven stepped back. 
“Now, Raven, continue,” Grimm said. 
“But, Mr. Grimm...” 
“Poof-poof!” Raven flinched. 
“Ah!.. I have to go,” she said. Students were gasping as she left the podium. Yui watched her leave nervously.
“But the rules are... The rules!” Grimm said. 
In the Vault of Lost Tales, deep beneath the school, another was listening: Giles Grimm, the brother of the school's headmaster.
“The Raven flies. The clouds, they sing! But what should happen when the tide rolls in?” Giles said. Raven sighed and sat on a log out in the forest.
What will happen indeed.
That's it? That's where you're ending the story? I cannot wait until it is my turn to tell the story.
And why are you so against these kids choosing their own destiny?
~~~~
Yui and her friends were hanging out at her father's castle (don’t worry. I’m gonna make a list of all of the children of the characters). The girls were hanging out in the Gray Area, catching up on the latest gossip. Everything was fine until the ground started to shake. The girls all stood up and went to go see what was happening. They ran to a balcony and saw that a storm of darkness was approaching. The seven guardians daughters quickly went home while the others went to go help the Organization. 
“What should we do?” Yui asked Xemnas. 
“I’m not sure. But it seems like this darkness is stronger than we have ever faced,” Xemnas said. 
“We have to do something!” Dawn said. 
“Please, dad. Isn’t there anything we can do?” Yui asked. 
“I’m sorry. But we’ve lost,” Xemnas said. 
“Here it comes,” Xigbar warned. Everyone huddled close as the storm hit them, transporting them into a new and strange world. 
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cellsshapedlikestars · 3 years ago
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Bachie thoughts please!!!!! My country is in a bachie drought right now so I need my fix. Also your tinder fic is cute af and a really fun read!
first of all anon, thank you! I will have you know that the next chapter is 100% written in my head :)
As for Bachelor...
(under the cut. I've come back to add it because I'm only at Ivan/Aaron/Chelsea and I've already typed too much)
This episode mostly sucked, I won't lie. It was three hours and around the two hour mark, the Bach bff and I called it quits because one, we are too old for this drama, and two, it was awful. We watched the last hour this morning.
Let's get the worst of it out of the way: Aaron/Ivan/Chelsea. Oooh boy do I probably have *too much* to say about this. Aaron is too aggressive. his reaction was too aggressive, he acts like he owns the women he is with and if they go off with someone else, he throws a tantrum like a baby. (We'll get to what he does at the end of the ep later, but spoilers: he's a fucking hypocrite). He makes this whole deal about Chelsea and Ivan, despite the fact that the only thing he has to say about Chelsea is "she's sweet".
As for Ivan in this, he lied. Super shitty move, he was absolutely trying to cover his ass. He was also clearly trying to get a rose from Chelsea because he wanted to stay to see if Alexa came on. I get it. That's sort of how Paradise works. Shitty, but like... again, we need to add the perspective of "this is a reality show with a competitive aspect".
Now, the part I absolutely hated and left a bad taste in my mouth is what happened with the stuff from the hotel. (Side bar, when you guys ask for my thoughts, are you watching the episodes? Or do you just enjoy me screaming into the abyss about people and situations you have never heard of??)
The way they pulled Ivan off to the side, the way they edited that, I was expecting something so much worse. Because let's be real, the amount of men on this show that have some secret history of sexual assault - there was even a season of Paradise that was almost cancelled because of sexual assault ON THE SHOW. They 100% had me thinking Ivan assaulted someone or something equally as bad with the way they handled that and I did not like it. And as for what he did? This fuckin show treats people "circumventing the system" like a war crime. All he did was go talk to a girl who was supposed to be a future contestant for a few hours while they had to hide in a hotel for a night because of a storm. And they make him go stand at the front of the class and apologize??? Ridiculous.
But Ivan did sort of suck this episode. I felt like Tyra Banks. Where's that gif.
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And now for the payoff: after that HUGE FIT Aaron threw, after Ivan leaves, after Chelsea gives Aaron her rose, Aaron then immediately goes and kisses Tia at the prom. What a hypocrite. My theory is that kissing Tia was the closest he'll ever get to kissing James, which is what he really wants.
(OMG. what is with this fucking app. I just lost like 3 paragraphs of typing. OOOOOOH boY TUMBLR. I guess let me try to recreate it??)
Noah & Abigail: I feel like Noah spent the whole of Paradise waiting for Abigail to not be... well, Abigail. He tells her over and over she needs to open up. Then he says he’s falling in love with her and she has zero reaction and I think that was it for him. He gave up. I get why she was hurt & felt like he did a 180 on her, but I also completely understand him realizing that they were not going to work.
I like most of the rest of the couples, nothing too major to report. I’m even trying to like Anna because I want good things for James, but she was such a bitch on Matt’s season that I can’t quite get there.
There are previews of Kendall coming back next week, which just infuriates me. It might just be that she’s back to give some sort of sage advice or give Joe her blessing (like remember when they edited Andi coming on Nick’s season like it was gonna be this big drama but she was just there to give him advice?). But if she’s there to try and win him back again, I will scream.
I feel like I’ve missed something, especially since half this post got erased, but oh well. I’m tired now lmao
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andsmile · 4 years ago
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I'd love to know more about your writing process for the GG/Riverdale au. How do you decide which episodes to adapt and how to adapt them for Riverdale? Were there any iconic Gossip Girl scenes you knew you wanted to adapt before you even started writing? Did you come up with your emotional arc first and then adapt it to the Gossip Gieo world? Any relationships between the two you knew you wanted to parallel?
Hi sweetie! I’ve conjured a really big answer so I’m gonna cut it under a read more thing! 
Basically, I had the idea a long time ago when I saw a GG/Riverdale gifset that featured Cheronica with a Chair line, and the idea couldn’t get out of me. Other than that, I always had a problem with all the GG/Riverdale comparisons that I’ve seen before, as I was deep in both fandoms, I never liked how they were always reduced to the hair color or tropes.
One day I brought my idea to @monicaposh because I know she’s a big GG fan as well (especially of the books!) and we started brainstorming about how we could write Varchie as Serenate (which is my favorite couple! but Em’s favorite one is Nair haha) and also I remembered that Cheronica/Chair gifset and sent it to her, and we started brainstorming about how we could adapt things and...when we realized, we had an entire idea formed and decided to write it together (best decision ever! love you Ems).
The problem was that I think at first we were very stuck to the idea of Varchie/Serenate, Barchie/Nair, and the first version that we wrote wasn’t it, because Veronica isn’t Blair or Serena, Betty definitely isn’t either, and as much as it’s easier to typecast the boys (Jughead fits as Dan and Archie fits as Nate) we couldn’t do the same with the girls. 
So we decided to start writing it again and trying to stay truer to the version of the Riverdale characters, instead of the Gossip Girl plots. If you look at it, Veronica is a mix of Blair and Serena in both the books and the show and Veronica in the show and the comics, Betty is a mix of Blair and Serena and Jenny and Betty, Cheryl is a mix of Blair and Chuck and Georgina and Cheryl, Archie is a mix of Nate, a little bit of Dan and Archie, Jughead is a mix of Dan in the show and Dan in the books and Jughead, Reggie is a mix of Chuck in the show and Chuck in the books and Carter and Reggie, and so it goes.
And when we got that characterization right, the whole plot just wrote itself. We use Gossip Girl episodes as guidelines but we can also deviate from that, because it’s about those characters’ journeys and we use the setting that GG gives us sometimes, but there are 3 completely original chapters happening there.
We knew we wanted to play with some of Betty’s mental health issues and link them to her relationships and how she was coping with losing everything, we knew we wanted to have Veronica’s parental issues and struggles coming back home after what happened, Archie being from Brooklyn but raised in the UES and that playing a part in his natural confusion (music vs football is overrated lol), and Jug as the outsider writer that ends up falling for someone who he sees differently from everyone else, Reggie and Cheryl as some drama catalysts and a bit more. We knew we wanted Jug and Archie to be friends and make both worlds collide (just like it happens in Riverdale with the Southside and Northside!)
We also knew we’d have Cheronica happening halfway as Chair’s hot affair but that, just like CB themselves, they’d be too much to keep it up. We knew BA would fall apart like Nair did in the show. And! We always knew we wanted Hermione and FP to be our own Rufus and Lily, and we ADORE their story a lot.
Overall, writing this AU has been a delight and we are reaching our final run but there are definitely some surprises coming for everyone who’s reading! The Varchies have been very patient, the Bugheads are going through something right now, it’s a lot of fun to play with Beggie, Cheronica, Veggie, other Archie ships... and who knew they’d get so much support! It was hard for Emily to adapt to the multishipper life (LOL babykins cried the entire time!) but I don’t think either of us would have it any other way. I mean, it’s Gossip Girl, so the drama and surprise is the key element to it!
OOOH, I cannot forget that we have A BLAST writing the Blue and Gold tweets and knowing who they/she/he/it are/is is the best haha. We hope you guys have as much fun as we do with this fic, even though it can be a little anxiety inducing haha.
And the big support we get in this fic is amazing. We love to write it and to see other parts of the fandom interacting with us.
Thank you ❤️️
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artificialqueens · 3 years ago
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Gimme Love, 4/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder
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AN: Hey, guys! So I realised I forgot to explain the idea behind this story. This is part of a series I'm working on called 'Head in the Clouds' - stories that are inspired by the music of Joji. This story is loosely based off the music video for 'Gimme Love'. I couldn't make sense of the actual video cause it goes by so fast (if you watch it you'll see what I mean), but I kind of have an idea.
Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk.
Major Trigger warnings: Dementia, death, grief, homophobic slurs
-_-_-_-
2003
"Brianna, could you come here?"
I put my pen down on the kitchen table, not really minding that Grandpa was interrupting me. The studying was tiring, if anything.
Walking into his room, I found him getting up from his desk.
"Hey, Grandpa," I said.
"Brianna, do me a favour, baby. Could you read me this one chapter?" He asked, retreating to his bed.
Bit of an odd request for him. "Why? What's up?"
I picked it up, one of the many books that delved into the science and possibility of the existence of parallel universes.
"I'm just...finding it kind of hard to concentrate." He laughed to himself. He made a groaning sound as his back hit the bed.
I sat by him and read about 3 chapters before he said, "that'll do. Thanks, honey."
I got up and moved to the desk, briefly glancing at the front cover, at the main character with his telescope. Far off memories flashed in my brain. I put the book down, turning to face him.
"What are you smiling at, honey?" Grandpa asked, a smile appearing on his own face.
"I just...remember the night you told Jujubee and me about 'the other world'. We haven't stopped talking about it since." I admitted, putting the book back on his desk. "And we'd always play these games like we were there. Our lives would be so different. And just a little bit better."
"And then you found yourself wanting that in reality." Grandpa finished for me.
I was silent, but he knew he was right. "It's not that I didn't appreciate what I already had. It's just...whenever my anxiety was surfacing, or whenever someone was mean in school, or whenever I thought of my parents, I'd just...want to escape." I sat down in the chair next to his bed again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "Didn't you ever feel the same?"
Grandpa breathed out a sigh through his nose, his smiling widening. "Brie, of course, I have. All the games you and Juju played, it's called escapism. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Wouldn't you ever try to find one?"
"Find what?"
"I don't know. A door? A gateway to the other world?"
He didn't even need to tell me 'yes.' He had spent many years reading the books, sometimes reading them more than once, making notes and coming up with his own theories. He probably felt the same way I did. In darker times, when things didn't feel like they'd get any better, he was curious about his other-self.
I knew the answer was yes. But I liked hearing him talk about these things.
"Baby, it's something I've always wanted to do. I always...wanted to know if it was possible...to slip into that other world, find this house, and just hope and pray my wife would still be on the other side of that door. I'd kiss her hand and bring her back here. And, life would be complete." He confessed. His smile was sweet but also sad, "But you know, with old age comes difficulties. My brain ain't what it used to be. Just all these words. Sometimes, they're...foreign to me."
This was the beginning of a long year. All the signs started out small, usually, Grandpa looking out the window wondering when his wife would come back from the store and losing the ability to read.
And over time, it slowly began to escalate, getting worse with each month. So bad to the point he'd take his seat belt off at a red light and try to get out. Or he'd shout at Mom, saying she's going the wrong way. Every piece of my Grandpa was slipping away.
And it was all taking a toll on my own happiness.
"You look pretty today." Jujubee commented as we walked through the hallway.
"If you say so." That was all I could reply with.
"No, really. Your hair looks really cute like that." She tried again.
I had no idea what she was talking about. I literally pinned two pieces from the front to the back of my head. It was a half-assed attempt of trying to convince everyone I gave a fuck anymore.
"Yeah, right, Juju. I look no better than I did yesterday. Or the day before. And the day before that.
Jujubee paused for a moment, whereas I continued on. "Are you OK?"
I turned to look at her. "Yeah." I lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"
I wasn't ready for this, Jujubee concerns. The truth was I never told her about my Grandpa because then she'd want to talk about it, then I'd cry, then I'd probably go home and have a breakdown, then I'd give Mom more shit to worry about.
Judging from her knit brows, she wasn't buying it. Before she could even ask anything else, I turned back around, just wanting to get on with things and get to my next class on time. But Trevor just had to be there. He knocked me hard on the shoulder, making me drop my books and almost fall to the ground.
He quickly spun around, watching me collect my books. "Man, who put that trash there?"
I glanced at him with a scorn.
"Hey, douchebag," Jujubee stepped in front of Trevor, "I can see you're a little butt-hurt now that your sex life is dryer than a nuns vagina."
My eyes were wide now, knowing that wouldn't sit well.
"What did you fucking say to me?" Trevor raised a brow.
"You heard." Jujubee said with such spite. "Why don't you go rub one out to your Mom or something? Stop projecting all your problems onto my girl?"
Trevor scoffed a laugh. "Your girl? What are you, a couple of dykes?"
My jaw was almost on the ground. I looked around, noting the students observing as they passed by. I couldn't let them know my secret. I couldn't.
"Why? Does that make us all the more interesting?" Jujubee squinted her eyes. "Honey, don't pretend the thought of us 'dykes’ making out doesn't make an insecure guy like you hard."
A sound emitted from my throat - A panicked sound. Like a yell, one that was dragging its way up my throat, fighting to get out. The attention of everyone around was on the situation, since when? I had only become aware now of the sounds of thrill and excitement. I was internally panicking. How many people were there? Were they even looking at me?
"Not in your wildest dreams, honey." Trevor practically spat the last word before deciding he was finished. He turned and walked away.
Jujubee approached me, rolling her eyes. "God, does he know when to quit?"
But I just stared at her, pretty sure I was trembling. My eyes were still wide, and my jaw stiff.
"Brie?" She blinked.
I could feel it, the lump in my throat beginning to form, like a hard stone that was lodged in place. Blinking a few times, I held the books tighter to my chest and turned to walk away.
"Brianna, what the fuck?" Jujubee came after me.
"Juju, just...leave me the fuck alone." My voice cracked as I quickened my pace.
She didn't follow me anymore. Thank fuck. Because next thing I knew, I was in a bathroom cubicle, quietly crying. I stupidly decided to not go to class. I say stupidly because, during the last period, Denali leaned over and told me she thought they suspended me. When I asked why she would even think that, she said the rumours spread fast, that I had punched Jujubee.
Oh, high school drama.
Of course, Jujubee didn't deserve this. She was only doing her friendly duty and looking out for me. But I didn't need any more shit from Trevor. I didn't want all those eyes on me as I walked the corridors. My home life was already too much.
I wanted to hold on to my Grandpa for as long as I could. But seeing his health dwindle, it felt like someone was coming to get him. And no matter how much I wanted to hold on, they were going to take him away no matter what.
Around 7 months in, his immune system was beginning to fail. He was bedridden.
I'd sit with him for at least an hour every day, either reading to him, feeding him, or just having a long talk. I had a tendency to write down at least one sentence from each conversation like it would provide me with some comfort, like he was still there. When in reality he was...he was...
"Why the sad face, baby?"
I snapped out of my trance, blinking a few times as I looked at him. "Nothing. Just thinking."
"What happened? Did someone break your heart?" He asked, following it up with a laugh.
I let myself smile. "No, thank God. I'm just sleepy. I had a long day at school."
"That's a shame. I was gonna suggest we break out the old telescope. I bet we'd find Cassiopeia if we tried hard enough."
My mouth formed a hard line, unsure of how to respond. As much as I wanted so badly to sit out in the garden with him, he wouldn't even be able to make it there.
"You sure you're OK, Brianna?" Grandpa asked.
"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked away, studying my nails instead.
"Well, if it's not a heartache, I bet someones caught your eye?" He asked with a smirk.
I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to curve up. "Yeah, actually."
"Oooh." He cooed. "And what are they like?"
I thought for a second, debating how I should answer. To be honest or not. If I lied, would it even make a difference?
Looking at his innocent face, I decided fuck it.
"Sweet. Beautiful. The bluest eyes I've ever seen." I paused. "She's an absolute angel."
Grandpa was silent momentarily. But just as the nerves were beginning to surface, he replied, "and does she know how you feel?"
"No."
"Well, why don't you let her know?"
I took a deep breath in. "Because...I don't know if she likes me back. I don't know if she even likes girls."
"All you can do is try."
"It's not that simple," I spoke quietly. "She's...popular. She's beautiful. She's...everything that I'm not."
My eyes drifted to my hands once again. If I cried, would it even matter? Wouldn't he forget?
"Don't say that about yourself, honey." He reached a hand out and put it on mine. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"
I lifted my gaze again, looking at him with glossy eyes. My silence spoke volumes.
"Oh, no, Brianna." He said with such disappointment. "I can't believe you feel that way. Ain't you ever stopped to look at yourself?"
"No," I whispered. "I can't stand it."
"You need to. Because you are prettier than you know." His own eyes were glistening now. "You may not believe me, but someday you're gonna meet someone who will show you."
I dabbed the inner corner of my eye, "You really think that?"
"I know."
"That means a lot." I smiled.
He gave one final pat to my hand and pulled it away. "Do me a favour, honey. Could you get me some juice?"
"Sure."
I stood up and left for the kitchen.
On my way, I passed through the hall, catching a glance at my reflection. Naturally, I would have disregarded it. But I stopped and stood in front of it. And I just looked.
I wasn't immediately satisfied. But upon taking my glasses off, my opinion changed. I learned pretty quickly my eyes were the best from my facial features.
I smiled. Best not. My frown was oddly alluring. I tried smiling again, this time with teeth. But the braces just ruined the mood.
Putting my glasses on again, I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny paws tap my feet. Of course, it was just Piggie. I scooped him up and looked at both of us together.
"God has favourites, Piggie. Take a wild guess out of us two who it is." I looked at his face in the mirror.
He cocked his head, looking at his own reflection like he couldn't figure out what was going on.
I carried on to the kitchen with Piggie still in my arms, poured the juice and made my way back to Grandpa's room.
I pushed open the door with my foot.
Grandpa's head quickly shot up as I walked in.
"Sorry it took so long. I - -"
"Who are you??"
I froze on the spot. "It's me."
"Roberta! Roberta, there's somebody in the fucking house!!"
My brain went into panic mode. I set the juice to the side, put Piggie out into the hall and approached the bed.
He was continuously shouting, thrashing around in the bed as if to escape. I tried grabbing his hands, reassuring him it was me, his Grandchild. We had literally just been talking.
But he only roared over the sound of my voice, trying to fight my hands off him.
"Pop! It's OK!" Mom rushed into the room. "It's just Brianna!"
I took a step back, letting her take control. He stared at me with an intense level of fear. What did he think I was going to do? Who did he think I was?
"Brie, go to your room or something. I'll calm him down." Mom commanded with a crack in her voice.
With a wavered breath, I left. The sounds of his shouts, I couldn't bear it. I had to get away, even for a little bit. I needed out.
I hurried out the front door, stuffing my arms inside my jacket sleeves, and marched down the path. I didn't even look back at the colourful house. I just wandered. Wherever my feet were going to take me, I'd be fine.
In a sense, I felt cruel, like I was selfish. Despite wanting to be around my Grandpa for as long as possible, I couldn't stand moments like these. But you'd think dealing with this for so long would have toughened me up a bit.
Not even in the slightest.
There I was, marching down the street, trying hard not to have an episode. I tried to maintain my breathing, but the fast pace in my step didn't help. My hands were clammy, not that having them in my pockets helped.
Again, I had no idea where I was going. My eyes remained fixated on the ground. Therefore I was oblivious to the person hastily approaching.
"Brianna, Jesus!"
Jujubee now stood in front of me with her hand on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.
"I said your name like 5 times, girl." Jujubee dropped her hand. Her eyes looked me up and down, "What happened? You're shaking."
I was?
"I…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my hair, "I need a cigarette or something."
Jujubee dragged me to the bus shelter, sat me down on the ground like we were still children, parking our behinds wherever the fuck we wanted.
Despite the feeling of anxiety burning my insides, I did spark up a cigarette, anything to shift my thoughts from the current state of my family. Just something normal.
"Girl, are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Jujubee was itching to snatch it from my hand and toss it.
Instead, I said, "Jujubee?"
"Yeah?"
Eyes still glued to the ground, I blinked, "This is it. He's dying."
Jujubee didn't even need to ask. She knew about his dementia for months now. I had no choice but to tell her. The stress from it all got too much, and I was becoming more and more irritable. It was unfair to put her through that. I had to tell her everything.
Jujubee shuffled closer, "What happened?"
I couldn't bring myself to even tell her. Words couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. That feeling of just grabbing him by the hand, and running away as far as possible, so this sickness would just leave us alone.
I blew out a long cloud of smoke, closing my eyes as I let my chest deflate.
There was something about this moment in time. 9PM, at the bus shelter, sitting on the cold ground, smoking a cigarette, Jujubee by my side, her hand now in mine. It didn't feel real. None of it did.
Yet this wasn't foreign to me - This bus stop was the same one from my childhood, that day when baby Blair and I hid from the rain. Funny how the younger version of myself thought I was protecting her from her abusive father.
As bad of a time it was, the thought was comforting in the current moment, sitting there with Blair. The only problem I faced those days was my emotional outbursts and the emotional toll they took on my Mom. Oh, how naive I was, completely unaware of how life could get any harder.
Only 3 weeks later, Grandpa was hospitalised, his immune system reaching its lowest point. I visited him every day after school. There were more moments of forgotten memory, but it made it less frightening with Mom by my side.
One day in particular, however, he seemed in better spirits. It was as if the old him was back, just for a few hours.
"I'm going to the soda machine. You want anything, baby?" Mom stood up from her chair, pulling her purse from her bag.
"I'm good." I gave her a gracious smile.
She nodded, taking another look at my Grandpa before she even moved to the door. I could see the reluctance behind her eyes. She did this every time she left the room, no matter where she was going.
My eyes followed her as she left. Grandpa spoke, "Now that she's gone, any update on that girl?" He asked. I looked back in surprise. How he had remembered that was mind-blowing. He continued, "we haven't had a one-to-one conversation in a long time, honey. Give me an update."
I breathed a sigh out, lifting my brows briefly. "Nothing has become of it, no."
"Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose."
I smiled sadly. Easier said than done, Grandpa.
He coughed. "Lord, I'd love a cigarette right about now. Do me a favour, though; please stop smoking."
I wasn't completely shocked. He had noticed on a few occasions that he was down a cigarette. "I will." I wasn't lying. But I wasn't making any promises either.
"Brianna?" Grandpa looked at me now.
"Yeah?" I put my feet up on his bed, leaning back in my chair.
"Promise me one thing?"
"Of course."
His eyes remained on me, and he smiled briefly. "Promise me that you'll find a way to the other world. Could you do that for me?"
I had to admit, It was a huge thing to ask of someone like me. It was terrible to say, but I couldn't help but feel this was sort of selfish. Yes, he was on the brink of death, but how could he expect me to be such a miracle worker.
Instead of protesting, however, I just said, "Sure."
Two days later, he passed away.
I didn't cry at all, vowing that I would remain strong for Mom. I had already had my turn at grieving my own parents. And she was by my side for all of that.
Now it was my turn to be there for her. Throughout the whole funeral, I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders, like she had done for me throughout the years. It was a strange feeling - being the one to take care of her for a change. Her head on my chest, hand squeezing mine, it was just so hard to accept.
I almost thought she was going to crumble when they lowered his casket into the ground.
As I said before, there are two types of people in this world; those who hate the sight of their Mother crying and fucking liars.
Because, even though she was my Mother, she was his little girl. And losing a parent is losing a huge part of your life.
Everyone was invited back to the house after the funeral in the hopes the togetherness would lighten the mood.
Of course, it didn't fix everything, but it did allow us some time to breathe.
"You OK, Brianna?" Aunt Monét asked as I handed her some tea.
"I'm fine." Obviously, that was a lie.
I really did think I was doing everyone a favour by putting up the strong front. Little did I know the toll this would take on my own emotional well being. That whenever Grandpa came up in conversation, I'd run. If only I had realised that sooner.
I was afraid of questions like Monét had asked. So school would be a nightmare. Thankfully I was granted 2 weeks off.
The first week I lay in bed, watching box sets of The X Files. Pretty sure I almost gave myself a bladder infection from just laying there too long.
The second week, I finally decided to stop lying around and be useful. Mom recommended I break out the telescope one night. So I invited Jujubee over. I warned her beforehand that she was not to ask me any concerning questions or treat me any different. Of course, she was different with me. But she didn't ask any questions. We just carried on, looking up at the stars through the telescope.
The same week, I also found myself sitting in his room, feeling his presence very much there with me. So I took to reading his books out loud in the hopes I could keep his spirit entertained.
However, I only became interested in the books myself. I read one book. Then another. And another. And another. Fiction and non-fiction. All based on parallel universes. I couldn't get enough of it.
And reading turned into studying - taking notes, hypothesising, questioning.
And then I got Jujubee interested. Just 4 weeks after beginning, it was more than just a hobby. It was a prospect.
-_-_-_-
2020
"Miss. Caldwell. Miss Caldwell, ma'am."
I snapped back to reality, embarrassed that I had even blacked out at all. You'd think I'd know there were more important things at stake, now that I was in the presence of the Secretary of Defence, at a meeting in the middle of an almost empty hangar. Everyone around me, my team included, were important people. I needed them to believe I was on the same level as they were.
"Yes, the atmosphere of the other world," I said, hoping he would think I was listening.
"We're beyond that point now, actually." The General pointed out, standing with his hands behind his back. I couldn't lie. I felt intimidated by him, what with the uniform and all.
I glanced at his black badge, which matched mine. Did that mean I was a general like him now? Were we even on the same level? 'Cause when I woke up that morning, I tripped over my own feet and almost hit my head off the ground. I couldn't be on this guy's level.
"I asked if this place would be big enough for the construction of the rocket." He asked.
I looked around at the wide space. Yeah, it was huge, but when it came to constructing a rocket, that was all beyond me. Sure, it would probably take a good 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. But was it high enough? I had no idea what I could even say to this guy. "Yeah, it's good."
I hoped it would be good.
"Then it's yours." He gave a quick smile. It didn't make me feel any less intimidated. He began pointing out different sections of the place, a small lab in one corner, offices in another, along the left wall was a cafeteria, and 4 sets of surprisingly clean bathrooms.
All this space, it was mine. And only an hour after the meeting with the General, we were already shipping equipment over.
"This is wild. You could fit two concert halls in here." Jujubee slipped an arm around my shoulders, the pair of us watching as a truck pulled into the hangar, carrying more gear.
I blew a sigh of relief out through my mouth. "I just can't believe this is happening. Like, why me, of all people? When do good things ever happen like this? Like, didn't I always say 'why do bad things happen to good people?'"
Jujubee laughed, "girl, good things DO happen to you. You have a luxury apartment in New York, you're filthy rich, you're a celebrity." She playfully punched me in the arm.
"Well, you're not wrong." I shrugged.
"You deserve every bit of this." She turned to get a better look at me. "You fought for so long to get people on board with this project. You continued on when people doubted you when they laughed. I think you deserve good things to happen to you."
I smiled bashfully, looking to the ground for a brief moment, "Aw, Juju," looking back to her, she lifted a hand and held my cheek. Naturally, I would have shied away, but not now. At this moment, I absolutely adored this bitch. "I couldn't have done this without you."
"I know. You've told me." She pinched my cheek before looking away.
Her hand fell by her side, so I took it in mine. "No, really. You think I would have continued without you here? You remember all those times I wanted to give up? All the times you called me out on my bullshit?"
"Hey, somebody had to do it." She shrugged in return yet swung my hand.
"That's very true." I looked at her for a moment longer. Only now did I notice the way her lashes fluttered when she blinked, how cute that was.
Her eyes moved around the large space again. "Think we could fit a Starbucks in here?"
I pulled my gaze away from her, also having another look around. "Girl, you could fit fucking 10 Starbucks in here." I raised a brow in her direction then. "Should I?"
She laughed as she continued to swing my hand like we were just children again. Honestly, that's what I felt like; A small child in her own Kingdom.
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danganronpa-ea · 4 years ago
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Chapter 5 Survivors Free Time Events part 1
So counting this is spoiler and if you haven’t read chapter 5, then please do ready them before you continue on this, this is a warning!
 ALSO A TRIGGER WARNING: One of the Free Time events here is going to mention things like rape and teenager pregnancy, if you are trigger by any of the contents this Free Time Events contains, please tread carefully.
A world where those that didn’t make it or just couldn’t survive the cruel world get a chance here, A world where things are right… A world where death never happen.
 I look around and saw that I was in the see where those dead would usually sit in, I guess this is what it’s like to be dead…
 Well regardless – I gave a sigh as I knew, I could never be around them… I knew I could never be there for them but I just had to, I had to save Sunako-chan if Masa-san try anything and what Haku say… he knew Masa-san in that killing game, he… made good points towards her but then I shook my head.
 I just hope… the others could stop him where I fail but anyway, I look down and saw about 7 buttons; Sunako-chan, Tomoe-san, Miwa-san, Eito-san, Doi-san, Haiiro-san and… Hana-san, the person that was my accomplice in this crime.
 As then I decided to get this over with, as then I push the first button… Sunako-chan.
 She then appears as she looks around then she saw me as shock to see me as then she teared up. “Yo-Your dead, aren’t you?” She asked, as then I gave a nod. “I… am so sorry but I had to protect you and I apologize.” I spoke which the girl look down.
 “I… promise myself to face my memories and never let them go, Big Sis Fuji – I’ll be sure to never forget.” She spoke which I smiled. “Well, that’s good, then… you wish to talk?” I asked which she quickly nod.
 Inoue Sunako Free Time Events!
 Which then me and Sunako-chan began to talk about various things and even change subjects, she seems to enjoy talking to me and I couldn’t help but listen to her active imagination which I had a good laugh honestly.
 Looks like me and Inoue-chan got closer together which is good!
 I took out various crayons and things that can help one draw which I handed it to her. “Hmm, interesting items – this could help with my plans for world domination!” She spoke in a joke like matter, let’s hope that is the case…
 It seems she smiled at me. “Sooo, gonna guess what my lil’ talent yet?” She asked with a huge smile which I try to think it over… she tends to act out and seems to listen to instruction. “Um, how about lil’ Ultimate Drama?” I asked which then she frown for a moment which she look sideways. “Um… no, I don’t really like that talent very much.” She stated which I was surprise with that reaction.
 She doesn’t like acting? Well I guess some kids don’t like the idea of being on a stage. “You don’t like being on the stage?” I asked which she nodded as in a thinking pose. “I guess not, I mean – I just… never really saw myself as trying to get attention or even like being center stage maybe keeping your head low so you aren’t a teacher’s pet is better.” She stated which I was left confused by that statement.
 So she hates being a teacher’s favorite which I blinked. “Still… I figure with how smart you are, I’m sure teachers must favor you for doing quite well, right?” I asked which then she put her hands behind her as moving her feet back and forth. “Well – sometimes but honestly, I rather just not have them touch me or even give me the time of day besides… there are some pretty bad people out there that tend to go after the young ones, plus I do hear mothers tend to push there kids on the stage… I just don’t like that at all.” She spoke which made me wonder about that.
 Which got me to think. “Then… did your mother do that to you?” I asked which she thought it over. “Once but, I just couldn’t handle being on stage – I mean it must be easy for you to get on the stage and be in the limelight, right?” She told me with a huge smile.
 She… seems to be dodging the question or doesn’t seem to like talking about herself at all, that really isn’t good…
Inoue Sunako, Ultimate Child Prodigy FTE: 3/5
 --
 It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?
 Which then me and Sunako-chan began to talk about various things and even change subjects, she seems to enjoy talking to me and I couldn’t help but listen to her active imagination which I had a good laugh honestly.
 Looks like me and Inoue-chan got closer together which is good!
 As then I took out what look to be candies of all colours and even shapes, I heard they even got different flavors too which I gave to her. “Oooh, something I totally like! I’ll glad take that so thank you!” She thanked me as taking the item.
 As then she had that smile again which I couldn’t tell if she was faking it or not but then she asked. “Well, time for another guess but keep in mind you only get 2 chances then that’s it!” She spoke which I was a bit confused by this.
 “Right then, well… maybe Ultimate Social Studies? I mean you seem to handle speaking with people just fine.” She blinked then her face went a bit red. “I mean, I’m okay with that one but there is someone that’s better honestly, a boy actually…” She stated as looking away.
 Something tells me that this might be someone she has a crush on…
 Suddenly the child looks at me with shock. “He-Hey, don’t give me that weird look! I mean, it’s not like I could ever be with him anyway since he has his eyes on someone else…” She admitted which I blinked as then she sighed. “I mean, the girl he likes is pretty popular in class plus it’s some dumb kid crush anyway, it’s not like he has much reason to like me.” She stated as a matter of fact then I huffed.
 “Hey, I think there are quite a few traits you have that could have boys like you; I mean people might find your intelligence rather nice, your sense of humor could be funny and even if you can get nosey – I do think if given time maybe they’ll learn to like you more.” I told her which she blinked then she still didn’t seem sure.
 I get a strange feeling Sunako-chan was someone that doesn’t want to speak of this crush of hers which then I asked. “Well, maybe you can tell me what you like about this boy?” I asked which she try to think then smiled a little but not by much. “We-Well, he’s really super smart and pretty patient, like even if we cause mischief or trouble, he tends to be quite calm. He really does try to keep everything under control and have quite a good head on his shoulder; I uh… even recall a time he ask if I was okay after my mommy got into a coma since I was still pretty down about it.” She told me which I smiled a bit.
 “From the sounds of it, I could see why you could be crushing on him, he seems reliable…” I stated which she smiled but then it became a frown. “Yep, but… sometimes I can’t help but feel bad when everyone expects from him; he always worries he’ll never meet up to standards, I mean… he already has impressed me enough and honestly if you have expectations place on you – you’ll end up failing in the end…” She spoke which I blinked.
 I guess that would be a reason people would be afraid of that which I spoke. “Then… are you afraid of that too?” I asked which she seems surprise. “Huh?” “You seem scared people would have expectations for you or you feel you’ll fail them, right?” I asked which she went silent then she sighed.
 “Maybe but even then, I… don’t think it matters much – seeing as he already has his eyes set on someone that probably make him happy, besides love is weird anyway~.” She spoke as laughing at that rather… depressing puppy crush story.
 I… wasn’t sure what to say on the matter or even sure how to address this at all…
 Inoue Sunako, Ultimate Child Prodigy FTE: 4/5
 --
 It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?
 Which then me and Sunako-chan began to talk about various things and even change subjects, she seems to enjoy talking to me and I couldn’t help but listen to her active imagination which I had a good laugh honestly.
 Looks like me and Inoue-chan got closer together which is good!
 I then went to grab a calculator that seems to handle any equations but I’m not sure if Sunako-chan would find this interesting as then I gave it to her which her eyes light up. “Oh gosh, this is something I really really want, I totally want this so bad so thank you, thank you, thank yooou!” She spoke in excitement as then she puts it away.
 She… really seem to like that gift so I’m happy to see that she’s happy.
 As then she gave one straight expression. “So… you wish to give this game one more try?” She asked which as then I started to think it over then I shook my head. “I don’t think so but I did learn quite a bit about you during my time so… I don’t think I’ll play this game anymore if you don’t want to.” I stated which she blinked.
 She sighed then shrugged. “I… guess we can stop, I was personally getting bored of that game and even then the girl I was talking about has a talent that makes everyone follow her and… she’s someone that’s my friend or well, formerly.” She spoke which I seem surprise.
 The girl that the boy she had a crush had a crush on was an lil’ Ultimate talent which then she looks at me. “Like I say my talent isn’t really that special and even then, the lil Ultimate talent she has is one you have in the morning and everyone seems to like it and listen to her, unlike me of course which I don’t mind…” She spoke.
 So there is a class that this girl she sees as her former friend that is good at this class that everyone has… it is…
 -Science
-Home Ed
>Homeroom
 I try to think a class everyone has in the morning then I recall. “Um, Homeroom? I do recall liking that class when I was a kid, is that the lil Ultimate talent your former friend has?” I asked which she gave a first nod.
 “Yep, I mean as say my mommy and her daddy’s company work together in robotics, I tend to spend a lot of time with her and she tends to like my ideas but… she made everyone of our friends hate me due to one idea I had but…” She suddenly went silent as I also went silent, the conversation then she closes her eyes and spoke.
 “But hey, it’s okay! I mean I’m with all of you and honestly, I think that’s what I like! I rather be here in the present and now then focus on the past! I mean, isn’t that what matters in the end…?”
 She spoke as giving me a teary smile, clearly the girl seems to confess something to me and honestly while I couldn’t be sure what to say but… I understand Sunako-chan quite a bit which I suppose if she feels that way…
 No, I’m sure she could still accept those bad memories and try to not be scare of them anymore if she works at it but maybe I’ll tell her later… I’m sure of it.
 Inoue Sunako, Ultimate Child Prodigy FTE: 5/5
 Congrats you have finish up all Free time events with Inoue Sunako; give yourself a pat on the back!
 After that I did talk about other things with Sunako-chan to try and get her mind off the conversation – even if it isn’t much but… at least it’s something, right?
 However even if I’m not there for her anymore, I’m sure she can face those fears with the others…
 Then after a while I decided to press the next button which would be Tomoe-chan’s which then she appears which she looks around then look to me. “Fuji-chan, I… guess you appear in my dream, huh?” She asked which I gave a silent nod. “Yep, which I guess you all figure out what happen, right?” I asked which she went silent.
 “We did, I’m… that Haku really dangerous; he’s able to convince you to go through with this plan of yours but will be sure to stop him.” She told me which I smiled a bit. “Thank you, I really hope you can do that where I failed…” I commented which then she smiles.
 Seems I guess will start a conversation…
 Kimura Tomoe Free Time Events!
 As then me and Tomoe-san began to talk quite a bit and honestly the conversation was pretty interesting and nice, I really couldn’t help but feel engaged with talking with her about recent trends and had fun.
 Seems me and Tomoe-san grew a bit closer…
 I took out some flower-scented perfume bottle which I gave her. “Ah for me, thank you! I’ll gladly take it.” She thanked me as taking the bottle. Seems she likes it so that’s good, suddenly Tomoe-san went quiet again which then she had a serious expression.
 “Fuji-chan, I had wonder something… how was your relationship with your dad before he died?” She asked which I went silent then I spoke up and smiled. “Well my dad tend to be pretty stern and while busy, I think he care for me but I think mom says I tend to get my personality from him which… I guess isn’t too far off, why do you ask?” I stated which she nodded then look the other way.
 Seems she was wondering what to say in this then she sighed. “I see, then that’s good to hear that since I remember our conversation and thinking of how my father was, see my father was a Hope’s Peak Student – his talent works pretty well with my mom, it was the Ultimate Wedding Planner I recall he always loved weddings and had a joy in creating them, he truly was a man that love love, y’know.” She commented which I guess people tend to find there love in various things.
 I smiled a bit. “That sounds like a pretty fun talent to have, you must of gone to them, huh?” I asked which she shrugged. “Not really, some of the weddings were for people I didn’t know but when my dad was around he tends to show me various photos of weddings, couples and how they are set up; I even recall a time he jokingly ask me of what colour of roses he should go for as well…” She giggled a bit recalling the memory.
 I couldn’t help but feel that from the sounds of her and her dad got along pretty well which then she seem a bit sadden by this. “I… even recall a time that I told my dad that if I ever get marry, I wanted him to set up my wedding and… he promises he would which it was before he went on the ship and well… y’know what happen after that.” She say as she went to silent which I was silent as well with a sadden expression.
 “Thinking back on that day, mother… really did change and not for the better, she stop function and while she attended certain events but she never really felt like she was there,” Tomoe-san stated which then she bit her lip and close her eyes. “I even recall a talent show I was in which I ask mom to attend which… she never did, I think it was the first time I actually hated my mother and started to not like her at all… like I get she was hurt and upset that dad was gone but even then, she had a kid to take care of…” She spoke which I frown for a moment.
 I gave a small nod. “It… does seem like she really love you father, has she move on or even try to see other people?” I asked which she shook her head. “No, she never has – I mean she had men approach her before but she show no interest, I guess it shows how loyal she was…” She stated which I gave a nod.
 Something tells me that Tomoe-san is still talking about her mother and even her father as well which from the sounds of it… they seem like a happy family before he passed away and the mother and daughter are having a hard time understanding the other’s prospective but it seems Tomoe-san is trying to…
 Kimura Tomoe, Ultimate Acapella Singer FTE: 3/5
 --
It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?
 As then me and Tomoe-san began to talk quite a bit and honestly the conversation was pretty interesting and nice, I really couldn’t help but feel engaged with talking with her about recent trends and had fun.
 Seems me and Tomoe-san grew a bit closer…
 As then I took out a decorative box that can carry anything in which then I gave it to her. “Oh, how lovely – thank you for giving this me.” She thanked me which as then she went silent again as trying to think over the situation once more.
 “I’m… still trying to understand my mother, like I get people would be annoyed talking about her and I do need to move on and…” “Tomoe-san, it’s fine…” I stated which she seems surprise by my reaction.
 As then I cross my arms as I spoke. “Look, you’re grieving and mourning which I think people would understand that, which if you ask me regarding how your mother felt… Personally I think it’s more of miscommunication both parts, you 2 didn’t know how to speak if you ask me.” I told her which she seems surprise which then she looks to the ground then wiped her eyes.
 She must be tearing up as then she sighed then gave a nod…
 “Yes, I… suppose your right, I just don’t know what to think or feeling regarding her but even then, I actually when I grew my first set of flowers…” She stated which she laughed a bit as I smiled a bit as she continues. “I think my first set of flowers turn out to be pretty bad, I couldn’t even recall what the flowers were but when I show mother, I couldn’t tell if she felt like I did try or maybe felt sorry for me but I was really please with my work. I think that was a nice memory to have.” She told me with a sad smile.
 As then I thought over for a moment as then continue. “Well maybe she didn’t want to hurt your feelings since you were so proud of them.” I brought up which she shrugged. “Yeah, I guess not but yet again she did snap at the Saionji’s only daughter for stomping on the flowers and then she started to cry… I assume she did that because she got in trouble.” She frown, annoyed.
 I gave a nod, I guess some kids don’t like flowers which then Tomoe-san was thinking. “I mean – my mom work very hard on them and she was being disrespectful, I even recall her saying the flowers were pretty… despite her stepping on them, then she made a cruel comment that if I were a flower; she would just burn it which… isn’t very nice.” She spoke which I was a bit nervous.
 “So… What did you do with that girl?” I asked which she smile as tilting her head to the side. “Well, let’s saying leaving a dead rat on her bed was some nice karma, which yes I did get yelled at but she did start it.” She spoke as if she did nothing wrong.
 Something tells me her and this girl did not get along very well it seem…
 Kimura Tomoe, Ultimate Acapella Singer FTE: 4/5
 --
It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?
 As then me and Tomoe-san began to talk quite a bit and honestly the conversation was pretty interesting and nice, I really couldn’t help but feel engaged with talking with her about recent trends and had fun.
 Seems me and Tomoe-san grew a bit closer…
 Which then I gave Tomoe-san some decorative sweets which she took them. “Oh my, thank you – Fuji-chan, I love these!” She say as she put them away.
 However as then Tomoe-san gave a sigh as then she spoke. “Fuji-chan, I’m not sure what to say to you for spending so much time with me so I think I’ll say this… thank you for making me realize somethings about my mother and making me realize that we both suffer in a way.” She told me which I blinked.
 “But I… didn’t do much honestly, I just figure I listen to you.” I told her which she was in a thinking. “I… suppose your right, but even then I do think it did help me figure things out and maybe, if we do find Haku – I can move forward with the others…” She told me with a smile.
 I could surely see that Tomoe-san has come to terms with her mother’s passing and then she spoke with certainty.
 “While I still don’t know what my mother thought in her final moments or if I’ll ever forgive Ohta but I know for sure – I’ll try and be there for everyone else, especially Eito-kun and Sunako-chan!”
 It seems that girl was ready to move forward and while her mother is gone, she does seem to be ready for that and even then…
 I did feel a strong bond between Tomoe-san and myself, which I couldn’t help but smile at her resolve.
 Kimura Tomoe, Ultimate Acapella Singer FTE: 5/5
 Congrats you have finish up all Free time events with Kimura Tomoe; give yourself a pat on the back!
 As then we spoke a bit more, about topics and even recent trends that got to enjoy the company of the other…
 But still, it’s nice to hear that after Tomoe-san is going to move forward, making a step in the right direction as then I press the next which was for… Miwa-san, as she appears.
 She began to look around at where she is then she saw me looking at her. “Hello…” I greeted which she frowns. “So… we solve your case and, the fact you came up with a murder plan is what I was not expecting but… I guess one of us would need to take up a leadership position, right?” She asked which I gave a nod.
 “Then, I’ll try and do that… for everyone of those that have died, so thank you for having us work together; Fuji-chan…” She thanked me.
 I guess we should start talking some more…
 Mori Miwa’s Free Time Events!
 We thus began to converse with each other and speak about matters that were important and even things that I couldn’t help but be captivated by her, maybe that’s the perk of a figure skater…
 Looks like me and Miwa-san grew closer…
 As then I took out a cup of hot cocoa which Miwa-san seem happy. “Oh, for me? Well thank you, I do need this.” She thanked me however as then I smiled. “So are we going to skate again?” I asked which she eyed me which she shook her head.
 “I’m sorry but… I’m not in a very good mood, I think it’s mostly after what happen with Hanlon-san, I… started to rethink what I thought of him originally…” She spoke which I look to the ground.
 I did recall that Norman-san felt regret for what he did so… maybe Miwa-san does realize that too. “I mean, he seems to have regret his action – honestly if it were my first coach then he would of ran away like a damn coward…” She stated with anger in her voice.
 Something tells me this coach of hers must be a very bad person which I stare at her. “So… what did your former coach do to you?” I asked which she scowled and spoke clearly. “Here’s the thing… you must not speak of this matter to anyone else… He sexually assaulted me and rape me.” She say to me which my face went pale.
 Miwa-san… was rape, it was pretty hard to imagine it at all and I never heard of this news about her – at most I only recall her having to take a break from skating for a year and even avoided public attention for sometime.
 As then Miwa-san turn away as avoiding eye contact. “It was about three years ago when it happens too, pretty much be nearly a year since I had train with the him; he was someone that I could trust and give me pointers of how to improve on my technique and footing however he tends to get too close and personal…” She paused which I look nervous since I could see why.
 As then she began to hug herself. “I… even recall when it was during one of his drunk fits which suddenly, he punches me in the face and knock me up, likely confusing me for his wife who had the same hair colour as me while I was knock out, which after hours of waking up I realize… the asshole had his way with me.” She stated as shivering, clearly this man was someone I would not like either.
 “He… sounds like a very bad person.” I told her which she glares. “No shit he was bad, and worse I realize that I started to feel sick and discover it when I told him, he ran away… like the coward he is.” She spoke which I blinked. “Wait, he ran away but… why? What happen?” I asked which she look to the ground.
 It seems that there was a reason he ran away. “Well, you know why some men leave and counting my period was running later then normal… it should be obvious what happen, in fact I had to take a break off of skating for a good while after it happen too.” She told me as clearly the subject matter was a bit iffy.
 -Vacation
>Pregnancy
-Lawsuit
 I suddenly went silent as fear soon crept on me when I realize why her former coach ran away which Miwa-san notice the expression on my face. “Seems you figure it out, I had considered abortion at the time but it would cause attention, so I went on a so called ‘vacation�� for a year when I decided to birth the child…” She went quiet which I went silent as well.
 I’m… not sure what to say to do, how would you respond to that or even say since honestly, Miwa-san seems to hold a certain standard for men which… I can’t blame her at all.
 Mori Miwa, Ultimate Figure Skater FTE: 3/5
 --
It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?
 We thus began to converse with each other and speak about matters that were important and even things that I couldn’t help but be captivated by her, maybe that’s the perk of a figure skater…
 Looks like me and Miwa-san grew closer…
 I took out some postcards and stamps that seem to have some strange ability based on the sender as I hand it to her. “Hm, I think the gift is lovely so thank you very much.” She thanked me as she put it away.
 She seems pretty serious expression, it… seems awkward to ask about skating after hearing what happen with Miwa-san which she didn’t seem in the mood to skate either.
 “So, … Did you tell anyone else about this? I think if Norman-san knew about this then I think he would of stop to realize his action.” I asked which then she shook her head but bit her lip. “I never did, I told anyone what happen since my career as a figure skater would be ruin, and sadly people would start to blame me, I’ve only told a select few.” She told me which got me worried.
 It… must be a personal issue and just the fact that she had to deal with that which then she looks to me with a small frown as furrowing her eyebrows. “So, what happen with the child?” “They are likely with some good people.” She answers quickly as I was surprise. “You see, the only people I’ve told were a select few; my grandmother, my current coach, some doctors which they were pay to keep quiet, the adoption agency and the parents of the child I am going to get birth to.” She explained.
 I really wasn’t sure what to say to her and then she looks to the side. “I even told the parents to not tell the child where they came from, they simply pay me and the affair was kept private and… it’s been 3 years, likely the child in question is a toddler by now.” She spoke as thinking it over which I realize something.
 “Hold on, do you even know what they look like?” I asked which she shook her head. “No, I don’t and honestly I think it’s for the best I didn’t. Even then I’m sure however they are doing, probably they had a way better life then I could ever offer.” She told me which I went quiet which then I asked about.
 As I notice that despite that horrid story, she didn’t seem to have an issue with men. “Well, I’m sure that child is likely being taken care of.” “It’s all I hope for, but anyway after I got back to skating I… started to be cautious of men or behaviors I’ve notice, I didn’t want the same thing to happen if I got a coach which… I did, my current one was saying to be a team manager that train a baseball team to nationals.” She spoke with a small smile.
 It seems that Miwa-san seem happy about him. “I guess you must have trusted him, right?” I asked which she gave a firm nod. “At first, I was honestly wary of him – I didn’t trust him that well and I fear the same thing would happen again but, when I told him when he ask, he… understood my situation and even promise he won’t reveal this information but what he says to me… help me quite a bit.” She spoke which I blinked.
 “What did he say to you?” I asked which then she smiled a bit. “Trust has to be earn, trust between an athlete and a coach which would need to respect each other – As say if you aren’t comfortable around me then I understand, but keep in mind… there are others that would understand if you tell them like you told me.” She spoke which she went silent which she close her eyes.
 It seems that she forgot those words and then had her hands on her chest. “Which, how funny I forgot his words but maybe he’s right… if I told Norman-san what happen or anyone else, but I’m not sure how he would react if he was alive knowing this information.” She spoke which she look to the ground.
 It seems that Miwa-san clearly had trust issues and honestly, I don’t blame her but she does seem to hold a certain standard for people which… is understandable.
 Mori Miwa, Ultimate Figure Skater FTE: 4/5
 --
It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?
 We thus began to converse with each other and speak about matters that were important and even things that I couldn’t help but be captivated by her, maybe that’s the perk of a figure skater…
 Looks like me and Miwa-san grew closer…
 I then took out some block that is good for sharpening blades or any metal which she seems happy. “Oh, this could help me with skating so thank you!” She thanked me as then she took the item as then she smiled.
 “Fuji-chan, I think after talking with you… maybe trusting everyone wouldn’t be so bad. I was worried I would start to distrust people or think all of them were bad but I can see now I was wrong.” She thanked me which I smiled a bit. “Well, maybe you just needed to be reminded what your current coach told you…” I told her which she laughed a bit.
 I guess she was feeling better and gave a nod. “Yes, I suppose your right – I mean there are still people out there that remind me of my first coach but… I know now that there are people out there that mean no harm and would understand my situation if I told them so… maybe trusting you all would help me.” She spoke as then she declared something that I couldn’t help but feel proud of her to say.
 “Trust in those that trust you, trust in those that won’t harm you, trust in those that are your friends – then that trust will keep you going… I think I should trust everyone and we can work together and be stronger.”
 She spoke as it seems the girl had started to trust me and see me as a friend as then she smiles. “Well, I feel better telling you so… maybe we should try skating again?” She asked which I smiled quite a bit. “Sure thing, let’s go and I think with your help I’ll surely get better~.” I told her which she gave a nod in agreement.
 I could tell that Miwa-san does trust me and I’m glad that she does, I feel a pretty strong bond between myself and the figure skater so I’m glad to hear she’ll trust the others even after what happen.
 Mori Miwa, Ultimate Figure Skater FTE: 5/5
 Congrats you have finish up all Free time events with Mori Miwa; give yourself a pat on the back!
 As then me and Miwa-san got up and decided to try and do a bit more skating, I actually started to get better and even do some tricks, thanks to her help… I had a lot of fun honestly.
 Even if I tripped up and mess somewhere, she gave me pointers to improve and even told me that looking down at your feet would make you trip even more so I didn’t do that and it work! I was happy to finally learn how to skate, thanks to her.
 As then I return back to my seat after she disappear which then look at the buttons left, I had 4 left to speak with and learn about… who to go for next.
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vkelleyart · 5 years ago
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Hi!! Do you have a rec list of your favorite lgbtq novels? I’ve been wanting to read a lot more, but I don’t even know where to start. Any suggestions from followers would be great as well! :D (I already have Red, White, and Royal Blue on hold at my library)
Hello there! Oooh, this is an excellent ask. I’m gonna do my best here to give you the rundown of LGBTQ+ novels I’ve read and enjoyed, including quite a number of graphic novels as well, as those speak directly to my field of interest for obvious reasons. (I’m hoping to expand this list quite a bit…)
Ones I’ve read:
Carry On by @rainbowrowell: Because of course. Rainbow’s smart/ hilarious dialogue and heartfelt narrative shines in a subversive homage to the Harry Potter series in which two boys destined to kill each other fall in love instead and save the World of Mages. I’m obsessed. :)
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: There are simply not enough words to describe how much I loved this book. Benjamin Alire Sáenz’s prose reads like poetry, and as a Latinx person, I felt so many of the themes in it very deeply. It chronicles the deepening friendship and love between two Mexican American boys in the 1980s, and one of the aspects about the book that impressed me most was the way it depicted a loving, supportive family dynamic around the queer protagonists. The book wrung tears from my eyes. Highly recommend.
Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan: This is the first LGBTQ YA book I’ve ever read and I loved. It’s about two boys with the same name (one gay, one straight) whose stories are connected by way of a fabulously confident and charming gay bloke named Tiny. It’s romantic and funny and very creatively executed seeing as each author assumes the voice of one Will Grayson (they alternate chapters).
Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli: This book was adapted to film, but I highly recommend reading the novel, as Simon’s narration is endearing and funny (and at points, heartbreaking) as he grapples with coming out before a classmate outs him as part of a scheme to blackmail him. This book flew by; there was so much angst happening, I couldn’t wait to find out what was going to happen. And of course, there’s the romantic mystery at the heart of Simon’s story: who is “Blue” and will Simon ever get together with him? 
Kiss Number 8 written by Colleen AF Venable, Ellen T. Crenshaw (Illustrator): A smartly written, beautifully drawn and hopeful graphic novel about a young girl coming to terms with her queerness in the midst of Catholic High School drama. The dialogue alone makes this worth it. Deals with not only sexual orientation/coming out but features a transgender plot line as well. When I finished it, I felt uplifted.
Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang: This graphic novel reads like a subversive Disney fairy tale. It centers on the relationship between Prince Sebastian who secretly moonlights as a fashion icon named “Lady Chrystalia” and his best friend Frances, whom he hired to design his fabulous dresses. I actually read it to my son, and it inspired wonderful conversations about gender fluidity, gender performance, and of course, the power of love to transcend all of the above.
Bloom by by Kevin Panetta, Savanna Ganucheau (Illustrator): Another graphic novel drawn in a manga-esque art style about Ari and Hector, two boys working a bakery together and finding friendship and love in the time they spend together creating confections. It’s light and fluffy and predictably delicious.
Check! Please by Ngozi Ukazu: This is the softcover omnibus of years one and two of the popular webcomic of the same title. Its protagonist, Eric Bittle (”Bitty”) is a pie-baking former figure skater-turned-collegiate hockey player, and his eventual relationship with the team captain is nearly as charming as the hilarious and familial dynamic of everyone on the team. Read it for laughs and a feel good love story. 
Other highly recommended books on my To-Read Queer Lit List:
Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (Currently Reading)
Weak Heart by @basic-banshee/Ban Gilmartin (Currently Reading)
The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller
The Raven Cycle (series) by Maggie Stiefvater
Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me by Mariko Tamaki
Anyone have others to add to the list? Give us your recs! ❤️
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forkanna · 4 years ago
Link
[AO3] [WATTPAD]
They were about to find out.
Okina City had more opportunities for fun compared to the sleepy town of Inaba. Lots more shopping, dining, sights, sounds, smells. Rise breathed in the atmosphere with a huge grin as she walked through Okina Station, a slight warmth blossoming in her middle; even if she was very comfortable in her hometown, she did start to feel stir crazy due to the limited activities available. It was nice to get out once in awhile.
"Ebi-chaaaaan!" she called out to her cheerfully as she jogged down the station steps. The teen queen clad in the pink A-line with the kitschy black belt barely turned to look at her when she was tackled from behind.
"AH! Hey, hey, easy on the merchandise! Which is me, of course."
"Nope! We're gonna start bonding right away! I won't let you down!" That was one of her catchphrases in a drama she had starred in briefly. She even threw in a wink.
"Ugh. I'm not a hugger, okay?"
"Well, you said you wanted to give friendship a trial run, and this is the kind of thing friends do."
"Fine. Now that we're here, Atzrbucks or that fancy place? Chagall?"
Rise waggled her eyebrows at Ebihara, who only raised her own. "Oooh, fancy. You going to treat us with Daddy's money?"
"Sure. I mean, what do I care? As long as I don't buy a random sports car it's like the bank account is bottomless." Then she sighed. "No… I said I would stop doing that. And I will. But I don't think going to an upscale cafe would be a problem."
So they moved on to the Cafe Chagall. As they walked, Ebihara cast a longing look aside at a clothing store called Croco Fur, but she didn't stop until they were inside the lovely restaurant just past the boutique.
"Hey, you sure you didn't want to hit that place?"
"What?" Ai asked distractedly as they claimed one of the seats in the corner. "Oh… no, not really. I used to go there a lot… with…"
She didn't even have to finish. Rise frowned across the table at her. "I miss him, too."
"Hey, we don't have to spend this whole time throwing ourselves a pity party," she scoffed. "To hell with that. We are a couple of gorgeous, fierce women, and the world is our oyster. Maybe we can cruise a few guys."
"Oh, you're over Yu-kun already?" she asked, surprised.
"No. But it doesn't seem to matter, does it? He's gone anyway."
Rise felt her heart strings twinge. Poor Ai didn't even want to admit that she missed him — or at least, not the full extent of how much she missed him. So she reached across the white-and-blue-plaid tablecloth to pat her hand.
"So is that a no on cruising for guys?"
"I dunno," Rise laughed softly, taking her hand back as a man with dark glasses approached. She would have thought he was some random creep if not for the apron denoting he worked there.
"Good morning. You are more brave than I expected from girls of your age."
"I… huh?"
"My brewing process results in a blend that requires strong intestinal fortitude to weather," he went on in an ominous tone, jaw set behind his goatee. "I refuse to compromise my standards for anyone, even women."
"Excuse me?" Ebi demanded with raised eyebrows, sitting back and folding her arms over her chest. "You think we can't handle your coffee just because we're girls?"
"Hey, we're a lot stronger than you think, dude," Rise shot up at him. But unlike her friend, she felt guilty afterward and bowed slightly. "Sir." He was their elder, after all, and the owner of the establishment by the look of things.
"Are you?" he murmured, turned away from their table and staring off into the distance like some kind of anti-hero. "Very well. Then you shall place your order and the chips will fall where they may."
They both stared at him for a moment before Ai said, "Anyway… I'll have a nonfat latte, a drizzle of caramel."
"We don't serve that here. Not on my watch."
"Then what do you sell?" Rise asked more reasonably, hoping if she wasn't rude they would get this interaction over with quicker. "I thought I saw some pastries in the case on our way in."
"That is none of my concern."
"What kind of place is this, exactly?" Ai demanded in a rising tone of voice. "Do you want us to be clientele or do you want us to take our business elsewhere? Because you sure don't act like it matters if you make a sale right now!"
The man slowly shook his head, still staring into the distance. "That matters not. Only the experience, the rejuvenation of your mind."
Before her friend could speak again, Rise quickly said, "Two! We'll take two, and a couple of scones. Or whatever cake. Just bring us something."
The other two looked a little surprised, but the man did nod and move off behind the counter. "Got rid of Mr. Intensity 1994," Ai whispered. "I'm impressed, Kujikawa."
"Thank you, thank you. I'm doing my best!" She gave an exaggerated wink and giggle, earning her a long sigh from the other girl. "Okay, okay. So now we're here, we ordered coffee. What's up next?"
"You're asking me? I thought you were some big expert on friendship. Everybody knows you."
Rise smiled, looking around at the rest of the customers in the cafe. People going about their lives. "You would really think so, wouldn't you?"
"Hmm?"
"Listen. Just because I'm popular now doesn't mean I always was. Nobody expected me to amount to anything my whole life. And my parents… I still don't think they care about me. When I was little, all they wanted was for me to behave myself, so I did my best, like I always do, hoping that would earn their love. At least my grandmother has always believed in me, but even her, I would overhear her talking to my mom, telling her how worried she was that I wasn't going to be able to find my way in life. So… until I won that idol competition, I pretty much thought I was trash along with everybody else."
There was a small noise from the other side of the table. When she looked up, she could see Ebihara's lips squirming. "Ugh. It's really hard not to insult you when it's so easy. You're making it easy! Are you trying to trip me up on purpose?"
"What? No! God, can you stop being so paranoid? I'm really opening up to you — and you're the one over there coming up with insults!"
"FINE!" But immediately after half-shouting that, she ducked her head and covered her eyes. "No… you're right, I'm being a dick. Ignore me."
"Yeah, that might be a little difficult when the whole point of today is me getting to know you," she laughed.
"UGH."
"Hey. You seemed to talk with no problem last night, over text. Is it just harder to do it in person?"
This time, despite being taller than Rise, Ebihara looked small and helpless. With visible effort, she leaned forward and whispered, "I don't have to hear people's tone."
"Huh? What tone?"
"Mocking tone. You… tease me, everybody's teasing me… it's been like that my entire life. I had to change my behavior and assert my dominance, take control of my destiny. Or I would have been kicked around forever. Surely you can understand, after what you just told me."
Rise started to defend herself, the words were on the tip of her tongue. But she forced herself to say nothing until she had fully absorbed everything her schoolmate was telling her. Then she reached across to grasp Ebihara's wrist — ignoring the way she started at the touch.
"I'm not making fun of you all the time. Teasing you sometimes, yeah, a little. Nothing major. But even when I do that, it doesn't mean I think you're stupid, or not a person! You're just a huge bitch to everybody and I feel like you deserve being poked at now and then. To keep your head from getting too big."
Though her friend had tensed all over at the b-word, she relaxed as she listened to the rest, even if her expression was not too terribly thrilled. "I guess I am a huge bitch. But everybody else was to me first. I thought that's what I had to do to survive."
"Yeah," she chuckled. "It's a pretty valuable skill. I had to learn that one, too, but I also learned to start off with a big smile. So it's… kinda both? Works out best using both but starting with charm."
"Hmm… I don't… have that." Now she just looked completely lost. "You're probably sitting there thinking how pathetic this all is. How pathetic I am."
"Nope. Just that it's really sad everybody around you was so mean that they turned you into Regina George. It's not your fault. I think you probably did the best you could to be fabulous instead of frustrated."
"I did. And when we moved to Inaba, I swore to myself that I would never be bullied again. That I would take control of my destiny and totally reinvent myself. And I did! But I guess… you and Narukami have really proven to me that my journey isn't finished yet."
"Nope," she said with a big grin. And this time…
Ai smiled back at her. The expression was hesitant, the smile tiny, and her eyes were just as sad as they had been before. But it was such a big step in the right direction that Rise felt her heart leap in her chest. It was working! Maybe deep down, she had believed it was a pointless endeavour, but it was working against all those odds. Miracles happened every day.
"I got you," Rise said quietly, gripping tighter. "For real."
"Gross. But… thank you." The moment passed, and Ai pulled her hands back into her lap with a clearing of her throat. "Ugh, too much sharing and caring. Now I feel weird. Where is our goddamn coffee?!"
"Right here."
Both girls practically threw their chairs back from the table as their intimidating waiter set down a tray in front of them. As requested, two cups of coffee, and two scones.
"Oh… I, u-uh, thanks," Rise managed with a shaky smile. "What do we owe you?"
"Perhaps nothing. Perhaps… everything. Only time will tell." As he adjusted his sunglasses, a gleam reflected from the lighting; it was oddly cinematic. Privately, Rise thought she should probably mention this guy to the next casting director she worked for.
"Freak," Ai muttered as she pulled her cup of coffee closer once he had left them in peace. "Alright, it smells pretty good, but strong… should we just suck it up and, well, suck it up?"
Giggling, she said, "Good one. Alright… one, two… three!" Both of them took a healthy swallow.
And the world turned itself inside-out. The twisting in their guts couldn't possibly have been natural. Who would craft such a beverage? Why did they hate humanity?! It was as if they were being directly injected with adrenaline, all while the warmest, darkest creature ever spawned tried to claw its way out of their stomachs. This was far too much for any teenage girl to be expected to tolerate. In fact…
In fact…
                                                                  ~ o ~
When Rise came back to herself, she found she was lying down. Why? And where was she?
Once she sat up, she saw the barely-familiar surroundings of Cafe Chagall and only felt her confusion grow. Did she really pass out in the middle of a restaurant?! This was going to be some spectacular tabloid fodder if anyone had recognised her and decided to whip out their cell phone; not that everyone would do that, but just enough people to make it a concern. They would probably all start whispering about her having an underage drinking problem.
Well, to hell with that. Careful not to rub her face so she didn't smudge her barely-there makeup, she pinched the bridge of her nose and looked around.
"Oh."
Ebihara was blinking across at her, in a similar dazed state. Then she suddenly scooted away… on the long bench they were perched upon. Which wasn't even where they had begun — they were at a table with chairs! Though if they were both like that, it probably meant…
She had been lying with her head in Ai's lap. Wasn't that a little too close for them barely being friends?
"What… the hell…?"
"What did you do to me?" Ai breathed, her hazel eyes wide, chest rising and falling rapidly. Then a little more strongly, "Hey, I did not sign up for this. You had better explain yourself right now."
"Me?! Are you kidding? You had better be kidding, I really hope you don't think I could do something like-"
"Well I never thought we could have some kind of serial killer in a crappy little town like Inaba, either, and look how that turned out!"
Rise shook her head out firmly, clutching it through her hair as she pushed all that from her mind and tried to focus. "That coffee... call me crazy, but I think… that had something to do with it?"
"You are correct."
Both girls just about jumped out of their skin again before Ebihara shot to her feet and snapped, "Are you insane? I should have my daddy sue you for trying to frighten us to death!"
"To die would be a grand adventure," the mysterious man replied, eyes still shrouded by his sunglasses.
"Wow, not your choice. As soon as you're done spouting weird mystical crap, you can see about giving us a refund."
A long pause. "We do not believe in the myth of refunds."
"Just give us our money!"
                                                                  ~ o ~
"Well, I guess that was kind of a bust."
Ebihara looked as furious as Rise had ever seen her look as they stomped their way out the door. "Can you believe that weird old man? He might even have been some kind of creep — maybe he did things to us while we were unconscious! He-"
Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks, and Rise nearly ran into her. "Wha- hey! What's wrong? I hope you're not thinking about going back in there, I've had enough!"
"No… no, I suppose he wasn't a creep. Or he would have…"
With no forewarning, Ai took a sharp left and speedwalked inside Croco Fur. It was all Rise could do to keep up with her, still completely bewildered as to the reasons behind her bizarre behavior.
"Hello hello!" called out the cheerful woman behind the counter, bowing quickly. "Welcome! It's been a while, Miss Ebihara!"
"Yeah, yeah," she replied distractedly as she glanced behind her, as if she were running from some kind of demon. But the only one there was Rise — whose eyebrows were lifted so high they were practically part of her hairline now. "U-um, what do you have that's on sale?"
The woman started. "On sale? You've never been interested in that before, you just wanted to know what was new or trendy. And then told me-" She suddenly cut off and cleared her throat with an awkward smile. "My apologies, you can shop for whatever you want, of course!"
"Thanks, Reiko. C'mon."
Rise nearly stumbled when she was suddenly being dragged across the room toward sale racks. But she was too poised to actually faceplant; all that modeling experience.
"Okay," she hissed once they were in the corner, their lowered voices covered by sugary pop music playing overhead. "Spill, Ebi. What's gotten into you?"
"I'm just… really creeped out about that guy. Sorry." Ai finally refocused on her companion and grimaced. "Sorry, really. I know I'm acting like a spaz."
"Yeah! I mean, I'm freaking a little myself, but I'm pretty sure he just moved us to that couch because we passed out. Wow, what does he put in that coffee?!"
Out of nowhere, Ebihara started to chuckle. The sound was so unexpected that Rise just blinked at her for a moment, bewildered, before she finally started to laugh along with her. Then they were clutching each other's shoulders to keep from falling over due to the overwhelming power of their mirth.
"What the hell?!" Ebi finally giggled. "It's… not funny, it's terrifying!"
"I know!" she laughed back, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "We should probably call the police or something!"
Nodding as she grinned down at her friend, the girl who was normally such a bitch now looked like she was having the time of her life. Such a stark contrast. "Okay… okay, I'm done. We should probably shop so we don't look stupid."
Which they did. They didn't find much of interest, but they did enjoy flicking through the racks and commenting on how bad some of the selections were. Ebihara found a scarf she rather liked, even though it wasn't scarf weather, and Rise found a tube top with a popular cartoon character in the middle that Ai confirmed was cute enough that she could work it. A few other odds and ends ended up at the register by the time they were through. They soon departed with their bags of goods, in much better spirits than when they had woken up.
"Oh, I needed to pick up something else," Rise quickly spoke up when Ai started to turn toward the train station steps.
"Hm? What?"
"My friend needs a poster for… well, it's Yukiko. She needs a poster for Chie's birthday."
Ebihara smirked slightly. "You forgot I actually know who they are, didn't you?" When Rise only squirmed, she shrugged. "I know. This is officially the first time I have ever been nice to anyone, so you probably forgot I was the same person as that raging cunt from Yasogami High."
"Hey, I never said 'raging cunt' in my mind," she hissed at her. "So do you know where we could get something like that? A poster from an old kung fu movie?"
"Hmm… yeah. I mean, not for sure, but there's a place right down that way. Not far."
                                                                  ~ o ~
Okina Books wasn't especially bustling, even for the weekend. Few customers were poking around its crowded innards, in search of CDs or books or DVDs to fill gaps in their collections. The world's oldest music was playing from the loudspeakers, and Rise tried not to cringe; was this really the most modern choice available from their stock? It didn't even sound like it was from this millennium.
"Hey, Ebihara."
"Hey, Ohashi," Ai said to the cashier. She knew that overweight guy? Ai knew that guy?! "Anything new for me?"
With a little shrug, he stuffed the rest of his Pocky stick into his mouth and prised himself out of his seat to rummage around behind the counter. At first, Rise wasn't even sure he had heard her — until he came up with a CD that looked just as old as what was currently playing. If not older.
"'Purity'," he told her with slightly more enthusiasm than before. "With the original obi. This is some choice city pop, believe me."
Ai picked it up and tapped her chin. "Ritsuko Kurosawa… yeah, I don't know her. Really, who is… wait, did she do 'Hot Boy'? Or was that not her?"
"YES! Poor Rizco, she really didn't quite hit her target audience… just…" He made a whooshing motion with his hand over the glass countertop. "Blew on past and nobody saw her."
"I'll see her," Ebihara breathed with her eyes closed. Then she sighed and said, "Alright, how much?"
"Oh, two thousand."
"That's it? Wow, you spoil me." She handed over a couple of thousand Yen notes. Rise thought that might have been a little steep for an old CD, but not too unreasonable. "Any luck on…?"
They both looked up at the ceiling when she pointed, and Rise's eyes followed. It was still the same upbeat disco as before. "Oh, Mariya?" he chuckled easily. "I'm sorry!" His words of English were practically in time with the woman singing the very same, and Ai laughed with him. "No, no, it hasn't popped up on my radar. Sorry, really. But you'll be the first to know; I would call you for that one."
"Um… I don't get it," Rise finally put in with a slight laugh. "What are we talking about?"
"'Plastic Love'," they both said at the same time.
"I… huh?"
"It is pretty obscure," Ohashi admitted with a shrug at her. "Didn't chart much back in the 80s, either. Can't really blame you for looking at us like we're from… Mars…"
But now that was precisely how he was looking at her. He didn't even have to speak and Rise already knew what was coming; she had seen that look a thousand times before, and she was already summoning up her skills of both acting and diplomacy. Bracing for impact.
"Wait… are you-?"
"Yep!" she said cheerfully, but quietly. "But I'm just here with my friend, so if you could please-"
"Whoa, whoa, Risette is in my store. This is a special occasion!" Laughing a little more, he whispered from behind his hand, "Listen. You sign one of my copies of 'True Story' and I will comp you two whatever you want! Er, within reason, of course. Don't bankrupt me!"
Though Ebihara looked a little embarrassed that he was reacting this way, Rise quickly said, "I would be happy to just because you asked. Just one, though; I want to focus on my time with my friend here."
"Naturally." Then he was hissing at Ai, "Why didn't you tell me you knew Risette?"
"Because I have only gotten to know her recently," she sighed impatiently. "Guess it doesn't matter that I am a loyal customer."
"Well, it does, but… I mean… look, it's Risette."
"Yes, I am aware," she told him frostily before storming off into the recesses of the bookstore.
Honestly, Rise couldn't blame her. Even while she was cheerfully responding to Ohashi's gushing and relenting to sign not one but two copies of her last single for him, she felt a little twinge of guilt for stealing Ai's thunder — no matter how unintentional. But what else could she have done? Now all she could do was hope her new friend wasn't so upset that their tentative friendship ended before it began.
                                                                  To Be Continued…
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cordoniasmost · 5 years ago
Text
As the World Burns - Part 4
Story: Blood Bound
Pairing: MC (Amy) x Adrian x Jax x Dracula x ? (it’s basically a clown car up in here, y’all!)
Warnings: Language, violence, sexual innuendo/discussions, pregnancy, date rape
Word Count: 2449
Find Part 3 Here
A/N: When I stumbled on the theory about MC being pregnant as the reason for the “darkness within” line from yesterday’s chapter of BloodBound (Book 2, chapter 14), I had to write something super dramatic and funny (read: ridiculous) because what’s life without a little whimsy? Haha :)  This series is going to be 3-4 parts.  Enjoy! (This really went off the rails... sorry not sorry! lol)
Tag List: @furiouscloddonutpeanut @averysheart-raleighsdick @kingliamsbish @dr-brianna-casey-valentine @angrypainterfarmopera @maiajaychoices @desiree-0816 @mrsagentbreakdance
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Amy wasn’t surprised she’d gotten Drac to agree to go on this ridiculous spectacle people called a TV show. What has my life become?  Neither Adrian or Jax were happy about the idea of doing this, both of them much preferred keeping their private business, well, private. When she’d reached out to Drac to explain the situation, as she’d predicted he was less than enthusiastic about doing anything to make her life easier.
Also as she’d predicted, he was more than willing to donate his DNA once he’d heard it would be a televised event. She’d just conveniently forgotten to mention that this particular TV show aired on daytime cable TV and was watched mostly by bored housewives. I guess that plays right to his target audience, though. Huh. 
She found herself now backstage amid the hustle and bustle of preparing to film this monstrosity.  Amy had been binging past episodes of this show to prepare herself for what to expect and she was pretty horrified at what she was about to go through, but it was more important to her to know what she’d be dealing with father-wise when it came to her baby than she was worried about her pride.
“We don’t have to do this, Ames,” Jax said, watching her wearily. “We really, really don’t have to do this.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Yes, we do. I need to find out and this is the only way to be sure. It’ll be over quick and by the end of today we’ll know.”
Adrian was pacing the room, not looking at either of them and not speaking. “Adrian? Are you okay?” Amy asked hesitantly. 
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing loudly. “Not really. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
She could relate to how he was feeling. She couldn’t believe she was doing this, either.
“I know, but thank you,” she said, standing and wrapping her arms around his waist. “I know this is basically the worst possibly way any of us could imagine to do this, but hopefully no one will see it and we’ll get the answers we need.”
He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “Hopefully.”
**
The bright studio lights were hotter than she’d expected and Amy found herself sweating her makeup off. She tried to believe that despite the high definition TV cameras projecting this shit show all over the country, they wouldn’t somehow catch the beads of sweat on her forehead or the trickle running down her throat. 
She rested her hand on the swell of her belly, rubbing gently this new life she’d created. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d found out and her pregnancy was progressing more quickly than a typical one would. She felt better, though, and she was thankful for that now as her stomach rolled with nerves. Not that many people watch this circus, do they? 
To her left sat Jax and to her right, Adrian. To Adrian’s right was Drac looking just as eccentric as ever with a black sheer lace bell sleeve top and leather pants. He had his long hair loose and wavy and about 100 chain necklaces around his neck. Seeing him under these bright lights, she couldn’t imagine what the fuck had gone through her mind when she’d let him fuck her against the ceiling. The fact she was revealing this fact to the entire country disturbed her on a level she wasn’t ready to deal with at this point. She swallowed and buried those thoughts deep, deep down inside, slamming the lid on that particular horror. 
She’d process it later, or maybe never, she thought.
Amy brought her attention back to the host. Maury Povich. The man had been profiting off of other people’s ridiculous drama for years and he was damn good at it. He had become famous for his lines, “You are NOT the father!” and, “The lie detector test determined THAT was a lie!” He smiled warmly as if he truly cared about them and Amy decided that was where his true power existed. The fact he could get people to let their guard down and believe that he cared about their best interest, almost like a friend.
It was the beginning of their segment and the four of them had made their way to the stage, none of them speaking to Drac either backstage or on their way out. None of them had anything to say to each other and Amy couldn’t imagine what it would be like for her if this was his baby. Adrian, Jax and she had discussed what would happen if that was the case and they decided they’d do everything they could to get him to agree to them keeping and raising the baby as theirs. None of them wanted him involved and, based on his lifestyle, none of them believed he’d want anything to do with a baby.
After all, he had only agreed to this whole thing because of the TV cameras and chance at publicity.
Maury was interviewing Drac now, asking him about what had happened between them and whether or not he was interested in being a father.  All four of them had agreed to not discussing the whole vampire part of the equation in this circus. Vampires weren’t exactly out in the open officially and no one needed to know that part, so when Amy heard Dracula begin to talk about centuries of living without being able to have a family, she felt a jolt of panic before she felt Adrian slam his foot down subtly on Drac’s.
Drac winced before finally realizing what he was saying, correcting his statement to “feeling” like it had been centuries. Amy exhaled loudly. This was going to be worse than she thought, and had known it’d be bad.
Maury smiled at her. “So, Amy,” he began. “We have a bit of an unusual situation with you. We usually don’t do these tests until the baby is actually born, but your story was so compelling we had to have you on the show. Let me just make sure we’re all clear on what’s happening.”
She swallowed, shifting nervously in her seat, her hands clinging on one side to Jax and on the other Adrian.  She nodded, taking a breath before speaking. “We’re in a relationship, but it’s open. We love each other and are honest with each other, but I thought I couldn’t have children,” she said, changing the story slightly so no one would question them too closely.  
“I have been sexually… adventurous, and suddenly found myself pregnant.  We’re hoping it’s either Jax’s or Adrian’s, but there’s a chance it belongs to Drac.”
She heard the crowd oooh and aaaah at her expense and her gaze fell to the floor. What am I doing? “And Jax, do you hope the baby is yours?” Maury asked, turning his questioning eyes on the man to her left. 
Jax cleared his throat. “Of course. I mean, it’s not something I ever imagined I wanted, but now that there’s a possibility it’s kind of exciting. The idea of it at least,” he said honestly, squeezing her hand.  
“How about you, Adrian?” he turned to the man on her right.
“Of course, I feel similarly to Jax.” Adrian wasn’t wanting to give much away in this whole process and she couldn’t blame him. Maury frowned slightly before regaining his composure. 
“And you, Drac? Who’s baby do you think it is?” Maury’s eyes were sparkling with excitement. He knew Drac would give him a good sound bite. 
“Oh, this baby is definitely not mine. There’s no way. I’ve had sex with hundreds, maybe even thousands of women in my time and never once gotten one pregnant. There’s not even a chance this baby belongs to me. I don’t even know why I’m here,” he finished, winking at the audience. 
They laughed and booed him simultaneously which made Amy want to put her hands over her ears. The audience felt like they were out for blood and the producers only encouraged the reactions from behind the cameras. This whole spectacle repulsed her, and yet… here she was.
Maury turned toward the audience. “Well, we’re gonna find out right now,” he said, pulling out a manila envelope. “Are you ready?” he turned to them, making eye contact with each one individually as they nodded their agreement. Amy felt her heart race, her stomach was in knots. Here we go, she thought. She hoped everything wouldn’t change for her after these results. If the baby was Jax’s or Adrian’s, everything would be fine. If not, well, she’d think about that later.
“Let’s start with Jax. In the case of Amy’s unborn baby, Jax you are NOT the father.” Fuck. The crowd jeered and cheered, and Jax squeezed her hand, leaning over to whisper in her ear. “It’s going to be okay, Ames.” She squeezed his hand back, giving him a small, nervous smile. 
“Adrian, you are NOT the father!” Double fuck. That could only mean one thing… Amy felt like throwing up.
Maury’s eyes were dancing with joy as he hesitated for dramatic effect. “Drac, you are NOT the father!”  Drac was making a big show of standing up, arms spread wide, a huge grin on his face. “I told you! I told you!” he was declaring over and over again to wild cheers from the crowd. She wanted to break the wooden chair he had vacated and stake him through the heart, but she refrained. We can’t have the whole world find out about vampires that way, she tried to convince herself. 
Wait, what?  Adrian and Jax exchanged a look over her head and she wanted to die. How could none of them be the father? She thought back and couldn’t figure it out. Had something happened during one of the nights she’d drunk too much and not remembered anything? She supposed it was possible. But… who?
“There’s someone else who thinks he’s the father of Amy’s baby and he’s here to prove he’s right. After the break, we reveal the test results!” Maury announced before the cameras went dark for a quick break. Maury didn’t say anything to them, just walked off the set for a retouch on his makeup. Drac grins. “Well this has been fun so far. Who do you think’s coming out next?” he asked them, a wide smile on his face. 
“What the fuck, Drac? Just shut up and go over there,” Jax said, pointing his finger in a direction away from them and where they still sat. Adrian had pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “I don’t know what to say, Amy. I’m in shock right now. I guess I didn’t realize how much I had been actually hoping the baby would be mine,” he said wistfully. “But no matter what, we’ll get through this.”
“He’s right, Ames. This still doesn’t change anything. No matter what, we’re raising this baby together,” Jax finished, bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. 
“I love you both,” she told them, and they both smiled at her softly. “But who do you think this other person is? It’s strange I don’t remember anything and that the producers didn’t mention anything either. I don’t like it and it doesn’t feel right,” she said, worry furrowing her brow. 
“I don’t like it either, but there’s nothing we can do about it now except wait and see,” Adrian said.
Jax’s eyes wandered toward the back of the stage where he’d told her he stashed his sword before the show began taping. “Agreed.”
She sighed, shoving the despair she felt at the idea of this baby not belonging to either of the men she loved deep down with everything else and slamming the lid on it. I’ll deal with those feelings later. 
The producers were hyping the audience up again when Maury came strolling out, smiling at them wickedly, the huge secret he knew was eating them alive bringing him joy. The asshole. 
The lights came back up and the cameras turned on. The audience cheered. “We’re back with Amy, Jax, Adrian, and Drac. We just learned that these three aren’t the father of Amy’s unborn baby, but there’s a fourth man who claims he knows the baby belongs to him and he’s here to prove it. We submitted his DNA and have the results in, but first let’s meet him.  Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Gaius!”
Adrian and Jax’s heads both whipped around, frantically searching for the man they’d been hunting practically non-stop for weeks. Adrian whispered in her ear, “You slept with Gaius?” 
“What? No! Of course not. At least… I don’t think so?” she said, suddenly not so sure. She’d been unconscious when Jameson and Gaius had kept her prisoner, but it certainly wasn’t something she did willingly. “If it happened, it was when they held me captive and I don’t remember it,” she said sadly, hoping that wasn’t the case.
She suddenly felt extremely violated at the situation but she wouldn’t put it past the villain. She glared at him fiercely as she watched him walk onto the stage to boos and cheers from the audience. 
He made a show of waving and bowing at the audience before confidently taking the chair next to Jax. Amy gripped Jax’s hand tightly, feeling like if she loosened her grip at all Jax would retrieve his sword and try and behead Gaius right there on studio recorded TV. Maury would get the show of his life. She almost giggled out loud at the absurdity of this entire situation. 
“Gaius, everyone on stage looks surprised to see you. What makes you so sure you’re the father of Amy’s unborn child?”
All eyes in the room lock on Gauis, waiting with bated breath to hear his response. “I have a… feeling of sorts that she was fertile when we engaged in our lovemaking,” he said with a smile as if he were talking about the weather. Oh, my god, Amy thought, wanting to crawl under her chair. 
“What does that mean?” Maury pressed.
Gaius shrugged. “Just call it a sixth sense of sorts,” he said with a wink.
“Okay, then. Shall we get to the results?” Maury asked as the audience cheered loudly.
“In the case of Amy’s unborn child, Gaius…” he drew out the pause for dramatic effect. The crowd grew silent. Amy felt like she could hear a pin drop if her own pulse hadn’t been wooshing loudly in her ears.
“You ARE the father!”
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meimi-haneoka · 6 years ago
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Thoughts on Chapter 34 of CCS Clear Card
Aaaaand here we are again, at that time of the month, ready to talk and scream (?) about another of Clear Card’s chapters! Sakura and Syaoran have sorted out their problems, no more lies and secrets between them, Sakura even had the chance to witness in front of her eyes how her wishes can instantly turn into “incidents”, and her resolute face at the end of Chapter 33 hinted that she’s not gonna succumb to her fate!
What possibly could go wrong?
CLAMP:
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UNDER THE CUT!!
The calm before the storm
First of all, I have to admit it. Those talking with me on the Clow Kingdom discord server might have already heard this, but this chapter left me totally disoriented. I don’t know whether it’s due to CLAMP not planning the storyboard properly (unlikely) or because it was supposed to feel like this, as the focus is all on the cliffhanger on the final pages (after all, this is future volume 7′s last chapter), but the feeling I got is that the flow of events is a bit rushed. We have many POV in this chapter, first we’re with the kids, then Kero and Suppi, then Nakuru and Yukito, then the kids again. 32 pages might not have been enough to develop everything properly, but we had to arrive to that cliffhanger.
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And some things look definitely off. Like, Tomoyo is finally made aware of the fact that Sakura is the one creating the cards. And her reaction is “Oooh.” . She’s totally....unfazed? o_o Even seeing the Clear Card that represents her, she just comments with “まあ”?! Ok, Tomoyo might not be a drama queen ok no scratch that, she totally is, but I expected a bit more of surprise from her. Instead, she gushed over the Rewind card’s cuteness and started her usual ranting about recording this and that. It’s getting a bit repetitive and stereotypical, CLAMP? Tomoyo is so much more than that. She may not be my favorite ever but I do like her and her perceptiveness. I went so far that I even imagined she already knew Syaoran was the one behind the Sakura Card’s disappearance. So much for that. I hope CLAMP will find the time to bring out a shiny moment for Tomoyo, as I understand that the pages are what they are, and they have to develop the plot for the new characters, so they inevitably have to sacrifice the screen time of other characters.
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We have a brief moment of Suppi explaining everything to Kero, and here I go “eh?” again at the story: Sakura says “Kero-chan is at home, this morning a guest came over” .... Ok? Did Sakura see that it was Suppi??? DIDN’T SHE INSTANTLY GO “WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR ELUSIVE MASTER?” on him??? Ok maybe not with those terms, but....isn’t she surprised, didn’t she ask him why he was there? Again, a totally confusing part. We’ll see if that’ll get explained later on. We have a cute moment between the two small guardians, and again we have a character who acts nonchalantly about the situation, justifying it with “It’s Sakura. She’s gonna do something about it.”
DUDE
I wouldn’t want to break your world made of unicorns and tasty gourmet dishes, but this is exactly the reason why Sakura is in the situation she is, right now!!  It’s a problem she’s got in herself and she can’t do much about it, at the moment. This is what she is. A 12/13 year old girl with a scary amount of power in herself, that is growing by the minute (and we’ll see how, in this chapter). A power she can’t control. Sakura being Sakura is the source of the problem in itself.
I know, it’s supposed to show that he’s totally trusting his mistress, like he effectively says to Suppi. But he’s the 2nd character out of 3 who is acting in a  way too relaxed manner, in this chapter.
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The third one is Yukito. It’s Nakuru to remark this fact, adding that it’s better that way. Sure, if everyone started feeling gloomy it would be a big mess. But even being too relaxed, in a situation like this, might lead them to overlook important things. BTW, it seems Eriol arranged paperwork to enroll Nakuru in college! That’s totally an Eriol move! XD Keeping Nakuru and Yukito together without disrupting Yukito’s normal life, great idea.
Sakura’s anxiety
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But it’s when the kids arrive to the classroom, that the “fun” starts. The girls are talking about the swimming class they will have today, and Sakura is her usual cheerful self.
Then, Akiho arrives.
Sakura turns around normally, but when she sees her, anxiety start churning inside of her.
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Sakura, who never ever felt anything about Akiho, not even after Kaito rewound time, feels something is wrong with her friend. The moment we’ve been waiting for 26 chapters. But there’s more, she can’t shake the feeling even during the swimming class (OFFICIAL SCHOOL SWIMSUITS, BTW!! they’re even more conservative than before and it’s alright XDD).
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Of course, eh, her frown doesn’t escape observative-boyfriend-Syaoran's stare. She asks him if he can feel something from Akiho, and he says no, AND HE’S NOT LYING DAMMIT, he really can’t feel anything, but how can he explain ALL THE REST to her, with the spell placed upon him? Of course, this is Syaoran we’re talking about, so he tries to say something anyway, and finds himself not emitting a single sound. See, there’s so much to talk about in so few pages, like how we’re again presented with the fact that Akiho is similar to Sakura in the good reflexes too, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER Sakura’s smile to Akiho is so forced and lukewarm that you CAN really feel something is terribly wrong. Or, how we cannot talk about the first YAMACHIHA FLIRTING SCENE EVER?? I was so happy, in a moment of such tension those two managed to give us a breather before going back to the utter mess that is about to unfold. I love those two and their relationship <3
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BUT LOOK WHO’S BEING A TOTAL CREEPER WATCHING KIDS IN SWIMSUITS? Our legendary asshole Yuna D. Kaito, of course!! XD Now, I have to be sincere. This is another of those “???” scenes because, ok, they try to explain that he’s there to cause some trouble now that Sakura knows the origin of the cards, but I still didn’t get why he’s doing that. What’s the connection between the two things? He smiles warmly while taking out his staff and he’s the usual smartass we love to hate!
Shit definitely goes down again
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Then, panic unfolds. We have the final proof that in this chapter, Sakura could feel things before happening TWICE: one is as soon as Akiho arrives to school, having an uneasy feeling that she never had while looking at Akiho, and now, seconds before Kaito stopped time with his magic. Actually, scratch that: they might be 3 TIMES, as she pulls out her key and Reflect Card even before the real attack comes to her. This is all fun and games, until you actually stop to realize...that Sakura’s power might have increased once again, leading her to new heights of worrisome strong magical powers. 
A whirlpool raising from the pool attacks Sakura, to which she effortlessly responds using “Reflect” and here I’m once again confused because the scene just doesn’t flow right, there’s at least a panel missing to show that the one attacking her is “the pool” and those “arrows” don’t come out of nowhere, like the rest of this attack anyway, as it felt totally random (this might be the part pertaining to Kaito, anyway).
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And, as if anyone called her: hello there, “vessel-mode” Akiho! (Ah, actually “vessel” is not a thing anymore, as the term has been completely erased in the tankobon release of volume 6, the latest out. The term “vessel” has been replaced with 中, “inside”. I’ll do a post about it, later on.) Just like last time, the usual assholes are talking through her again, using her as an intercom (though, I’m not sure if these are the Squids or the Association), commenting on Sakura’s powers and then attacking her, still using Akiho, stating that they have to bind her to this book. Yes, the verb used is really “to bind, to file” and it’s relative to books etc. 
Soooooo, now what I want to know is:
IS THIS THE CLIMAX STARTING TO MOVE FOR REAL, this time around?
Is something irreparable about to happen? Will Sakura be trapped in that book?
But most importantly, will Kaito rewind time once again and make the fandom riot like they never had before??? I really want to see if CLAMP are going to put their fan’s patience on the line like that ^^””” Still, it probably feels too soon to wrap this up, considering Kaito said there aren’t enough cards not many chapters ago. She did 3 in one day, yes, but if Kaito was about to cause something before the assholes interfered, it’s probably because he wanted her to give birth to another card. And now we have to see if this will happen or not.
If you’re wondering when next chapter is going to be released, please read my post on the matter.  UPDATE: a confirmation of a break for the July issue came from Nakayoshi’s Twitter account, you can read more HERE .
Thanks to @horitsuba for the scans featured here and thank you for sticking around to the end of this rant!! Mwah mwah! XDD
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