#Oooh I was thinking about these lil guys literally a few days ago.

[sugarpsalms]

💞🤡✔️?

💞 Who's your comfort character?

Hmm if we're talking of all time, it's Armand Vampire Chronicles 😅 he's been caught in the spin cycle of my mind since I was 14. Honorable mention to Grell Sutcliffe tho. I got deeply into Black Butler after a breakup 12ish years ago and imprinted on Grell HARD. Like to the point that the next time I needed new glasses, I got red ones and just. Have continued to do so ever since. Now and then people are like "oh, red ones again?" and I literally start sweating because I FEAR they will ask follow up questions lmaoooo

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Oooh it's got to be one from Won't You Come Out Tonight? (a lil 'i have too many stars in my eyes to realize you're flirting with Me' Barto/Luffy fic I've been working on for a while). Greater context for this scene is that Barto has been on the Sunny all day, missing signals left, right, and center, and for the last couple hours specifically has been trying to play it Very Cool whenever Luffy touches him.

Nami frowned. “How much?”

“More than usual, given that this is a local festival month. Prices for everything have gone up across the board, but,” [Law] held a hand up, cutting Nami off as she started to argue, “you’ll be happy to hear that lodging is taken care of."

“Taken care of,” Zoro repeated. “As in?”

“Free. I cashed in a favor.” When the swordsman’s brow quirked, Law added, “It won't be luxurious. We'll be sleeping four or five to a room, but the bedrolls will be clean and we’ll be fed and watered. With a few hours’ notice, we’ll also be allowed to use the host’s private bathhouse. What’s more, they’ve graciously agreed to house us for two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!” Luffy leaned around Barto, practically falling into his lap. The hand that wasn’t plastered to Barto’s side latched onto his thigh. “Oh man, how’d you pull that off, Torao?”

Trafalgar glanced aside, opened his mouth, then clicked it shut again. He took an uncomfortably long look at how Luffy was sitting. Barto flushed from his cheeks to his chest, watching Law watch Luffy’s fingers grip him.

“It’s like I said,” Law responded eventually, “I cashed in a favor.”

Luffy snickered, not worried about how he was sardined against Barto, or about what Law must be thinking, or anything at all. Figuring he was worried enough for both of them, Barto risked looking around the table, relieved to see that no one else was paying attention.

Luffy: *touching pawing playing with Barto's coat sleeves falling into his lap like a cat*

Barto, sweating bullets: oh man...he doesn't know how this looks....poor guy, someone's gonna think...not ME though, I would never think 👀 but someone might...hope they aren't looking...

Law: 👁️👁️ <- bearing merciless witness

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

BIG fan of mutual pining, so that almost always features. Also, if I can sneak in letters I absolutely will. High stakes trust exercises also; oh, and sudden flips of power dynamics. Short list of things that make me dizzy and so I subject everyone else to.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 213: blahblahblahSIXQUIRKS

Previously on BnHA: Baby Ochako stole the show for a few pages as Ochako thought back to her childhood and the first time she saw a hero in action and wanted to be like them and help people who looked like they were in trouble. And more recently during the Basement arc, she saw Deku struggling and thought, “who protects the heroes when they need protecting?” So with that nice segue, we cut back to the present, with Deku freaking out and Ochako trying to calm him down and eventually realizing he had no control. So she called on Shinsou to brainwash him, which he did by telling Deku he wanted to fight him again. And miraculously the brainwashing worked, and the quirk died down and retreated back into Deku’s arm. But then Deku found himself back in the OFA Happy Funky Dream Time Zone, being accosted by some beefy aggressive bald dude with goggles. He told Deku he’d gotten it all wrong, and accused him of not listening. “We told you that you’re not alone!” He said Deku’s quirk wasn’t something he could use casually while distracted any more, and told him to pull himself together.

Today on BnHA: Aggressive Bald Dude explains that the crazy new power Deku just used is actually his quirk, Blackwhip. To make a long story short, Deku can use all of the quirks from the previous wielders of OFA. Something something OFA is getting stronger, something something Quirk Singularity blah blah blah. Anyway, so Deku accidentally activated Blackwhip due to his strong feelings and his wanting to capture Monoma. Baldy warns Deku that if he wields his power in anger, it will respond accordingly, and that he needs to have control. He tells Deku he will eventually manifest six different quirks, and that he is the one who will complete One for All. Then he wishes him good luck and vanishes. Deku wakes up in the aftermath of all this strangeness, only to immediately be attacked by Monoma, who knows an opening when he sees one I guess. Everyone else from Teams A and B chooses this moment to arrive as well, and things quickly escalate into a melee battle. Shinsou challenges Deku, and we cut to the teachers who are watching nearby. A thoughtful-looking Aizawa tells the other teachers to let the battle continue.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 224, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

lol

Kirishima you never told me your ancestor was a bearer of OFA

I really like this guy. what’s your name dude

(ETA: jesus Horikoshi would it kill you to name such an important character though. at least let us know which number he is. give us something)

and this conversation just keeps getting better!

“I don’t have a mouth.” “oh shit you don’t have a mouth. well THAT IS JUST FINE don’t you worry”

so Deku can see this guy much more clearly than OFA Primo in his previous dream. and on top of that, he’s now fully aware that it’s not a dream at all

also I really like TryHarder’s face. it’s just a nice face

he seems tough but kind

ahhhhh it’s another image of the previous 8

(ETA: so is that really you up there, Katsuki? is a part of you “actually alive inside One for All”, deep inside Izuku’s soul or whatever? just waiting for Deku to finally figure this shit out? so you can finally pop up at a critical plot moment and be all “hah, so you can finally see me. took you long enough, you damn nerd” and then give him Mystical Advice or some shit I guess? what level of shipping is that. when a piece of character A’s soul or will or whatever is literally chilling out inside character B’s soul. honestly I still don’t even know what to think about this fucking theory, because I would lose my damn shit. it just seems so ridiculously catered to Everything I Want that even pondering it feels absurdly self-indulgent. and how would it even work. ahghghg. anyways.)

there had better be at least one more girl besides Shimura, otherwise I’m gonna go on a ranting spree just like the JP Hero Billboard Charts all over again

I wonder when Toshinori’s outline will become more visible

and also when will Deku get to talk to Shimura?? her vestige has been clear right from the start. TALK TO HER AND GET THE GOSSIP ON HER SON! YOUR DAD!!

she probably knows so many embarrassing things. this is the true reason why All Might didn’t tell him about this shit back at the sports festival

okay so TryHarder is starting to fade now and he’s like “oh shit looks like I’m on a time limit”

so he’s telling Deku to listen up

YESSSSSSSSS

I wonder how many people guessed this before it was revealed. Horikoshi did an excellent job making it look like his power was just out of control again, honestly. this probably came out of left field for a lot of people

since I unfortunately can’t give you a genuine shocked reaction now, let me instead try to summarize my response when I first came across this spoiler.

DRAMATIZATION:

me: [reading through a post that didn’t seem to contain any spoilers that I didn’t already know] haha what a fine post

post: [gets to a part where it’s like “warning, spoilers” and then just JUMPS RIGHT INTO THE SPOILER RIGHT AWAY without any further ado]

me: [not understanding what just happened yet] wait what

post: blahblahblahSIXQUIRKS

me: [still hasn’t fully processed yet due to my sleepy brain] huh what. six

me: ...

me: wait WHAT

and at this point my brain finally kicked into gear, and it just hit me all at once that (1) I knew there was gonna be more OFA stuff coming up (back when I did the recap for Deku VS Shinsou way back in the sports festival arc, someone mentioned that the manga had gotten into the OFA Past Avatars shit again recently -- this was back in like September -- and so it was kind of in the back of my mind ever since then, just waiting to be remembered at a critical moment), (2) said OFA stuff would presumably consist of him learning to communicate with the Ghosts of OFAs Past in precisely the way that All Might said he couldn’t, (3) I also knew from a comment in this post that there was some power-up coming up for Deku at some point that was considered a spoiler, and lastly (4) the math added up. this last part just came to me in a whoosh. I have no idea how it all came together so quickly. but some very logical part of me waltzed in holding a corn cob pipe and was all, “you know, if Deku is the 9th OFA user and he, All Might, and OFA Prime didn’t have quirks*, that means there were six remaining OFA users who presumably did,” and I was like “NOOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAY?!” and I started freaking the fuck out. so anyway that’s how it all happened god bless

(ETA*: okay so technically Prime did, but his quirk is OFA, so. like. doesn’t count.)

anyways I really went off on a spiel there. let’s drag our focus back to the present day can we please

so TH is all “our quirks all merged with the core of OFA and have just been sitting here chilling inside it for like aaaaages”

gotta say the visual of this helps a lot. so the quirks are in that tiny lil marble in the middle of Primo’s back, buried deep within all of those flames of power

oh shit wait, did we say “tiny lil”

hmm. is this that quirk singularity bullshit that Seiji was talking about all the way back in the Babysitting Arc. I jump around between translations so much that I didn’t notice until very recently that the word “singularity” was being used in odd ways, and that it was also the word used to describe that phenomenon of quirks evolving until they’re beyond the user’s control

so is this. that

so TH says that One for All itself is growing. but like, look at how he says it though

that is a lot of ominous emphasis there

and Deku’s thinking “but why? what caused this?”

which, I’m glad he thought that, because here I was thinking it was just some natural phenomenon that All Might and Shimura for whatever reason never unlocked. but just like that he’s made me realize that this might be tied in to AFO somehow. didn’t he say just a couple chapters ago that he could hear the voice of his dead bro?

(ETA: yeah, listen guys, there is some shady shit going on here. part of it is the quirk singularity stuff, I’m sure, but there’s a lot of suspiciously coincidental stuff happening. but I will tell you more about my thoughts on this in a separate post, I think, because it’s something I’ve been pondering for a while now and I think it’s better suited to its own theory post.)

oh but TH says that right before the power erupted out of him, Deku was probably thinking something like “GETTIM”

and Deku’s sweating and thinking that he was indeed thinking about capturing Monoma

yeah to beat the shit out of him for insulting your boyfriend

so presumably he activated this quirk somehow which is meant to be a capture quirk?

OOOH

IT’S SEXY

that was honest to god my first thought. look at how elegant it is when he uses it. nothing like Deku’s out-of-control Venom rampage

here. this is what it reminds me of

ah, I see. so TH says that OFA’s power has been added to the black whip quirk now, so now it’s like it’s on steroids

AHH

DON’T DO THAT ALL SUDDENLY, HOLD UP, THIS WAS JUST GETTING INTERESTING

ah shit. so he’s starting to fade away

but you do exist! you’re real! you live on inside the quirk!

so you hear that, All Might? when you inevitably die your stupid fucked up tragic death that poor Nighteye foresaw and was tormented by, once you’re done ripping my heart to pieces, you can come back and still give Deku mentor advice within his mind. like Dumbledore in Deathly Hallows, only with less “sorry about dumping you on your abusive relatives and raising you to be a sacrificial lamb”

anyways the point is the two of you are bonded forever within OFA now, and that’s a comforting thought that I’m gonna hold onto for when shit eventually gets Real, however far along down the road that may be

oh okay good, before he goes he’s giving Deku advice on how to control it

he says that if Deku wields the power in anger, the power will respond accordingly

(ETA: and there’s literally a flashback panel of Monoma being all “REMEMBER WHEN BAKUGOU DESTROYED SOCIETY” lmao. just to remind everyone yet again of what exactly it was that set him off.)

good thing he’s not an empathetic young shounen hero prone to being roused to action and acting impulsively to the point where that was literally the deciding factor that made All Might choose him. oh wait. oh shit

but TH does say that it’s fine to get angry and that anger is one source of power

wow. just let that sink in for a second. so here’s a wise old mentor ghost actually telling the hero that he doesn’t have to be some perfect zen monk all the damn time. damn. hey TH I really do like you my dude

but anyways, so “that’s exactly why you must have careful control over that anger”

so basically you can use it to power up your quirk, but you gotta keep a rein on it otherwise we’ll wind up with a repeat of what just went down

YESSSSSSS AWWWWWW HERE IT GOESSSSSS

and that was the sound of fans across the world either ragequitting or losing their fucking shit in excitement lol

but okay, so me personally, I fucking love it. I know fandom is somewhat divided on whether he’s going to be too overpowered, but look at him! he has his fucking hands full just getting a handle on this one single new quirk! it’s not like he’s gonna just master this and the other five overnight. basically this is a brand new challenge for him which will take quite some time (if not the remainder of the series) for him to get a handle on, and which will make for much more interesting and unpredictable battles from here on out. and what with All Might gone, and us having pretty much seen the limits of what Endeavor can handle now, I gotta say it seems like we’re gonna need this sooner than later

(ETA: especially with the recent reveal of just what he’s going to be up against. bad guys are not fucking around holy shit.)

and strangely, this also makes me excited as a Bakugou fan because I still firmly believe that the two of them will remain head to head as the series progresses. which means that Bakugou is going to get a hell of a lot stronger himself. I don’t know how, but I have faith in the series to make it happen, and I’m looking forward to that as well

anyway, so TH is fading away, but he really has a lot of confidence in Deku and I love it

“you’re going to be the one who completes One for All.” fuck yeah. you hear that Deku? we all agree this is your destiny kiddo

and now we’re finally cutting back to the real world yaaaaaay

so Ochako is frantically shaking him

her slap probably did hurt. she’s fucking strong as hell. but he’s all right

so she’s setting him down and he’s realizing that the quirk has vanished (ah yes, that’s right, he went into that trance OFA dream state as soon as Shinsou’s quirk activated, and he was pretty out of it when the quirk was receding)

and she’s explaining that they were able to calm it down with Shinsou’s quirk. thanks for the assist Shinsou!

so like is this battle still on though or what lol. I think that Deku’s team should concede and call it a day because yikes

so Ochako’s asking him if he’s okay now and he’s just now realizing that she’s all banged up too. I guess that black whip packed a punch

HEY WHAT

FUCKING HELL MONOMA, YOU LITERALLY DON’T EVEN KNOW IF HE’S OKAY YET AND YOU’RE PULLING THIS SHIT ANYWAY. CAN YOU GIVE IT A REST FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS OMG

also did he just snatch OFA?? I’ve been wondering for ages what would happen if he did that, and I gotta say most of my speculation didn’t end very well for him

anyways, sigh, so he’s whapping Deku with the giant bolt he just rode in there on. Yanagi’s quirk combined with Kodai’s quirk

and Deku’s stupidly shouting “Monoma!” and he’s lucky that Monoma didn’t just activate Shinsou’s quirk right there and then

and now Ochako is charging in yessssssssss!!!

FUCK HIM UPPPPPPP OCHAKO lol

ahh but here come more giant flying objects crashing down at them

and now Yanagi is asking Monoma if he’s all right and he’s complimenting her on her good timing

well would you look at this

so are we just going to have a big fucking brawl right here and now then

Kodai’s using her size quirk to block Mina and Mineta’s attacks, and it occurs to me to wonder what level of acid Mina was flinging at them. you know, Mina’s someone who could be pretty fucking deadly if she wanted to. they’re lucky she’s not on the villain side; with her charisma and creativity and fucking acid quirk she could probably take over the world with ease

anyway so now this is happening

honestly, Vlad and Aizawa, you really might as well call the fight off now lol

or don’t. because this is still entertaining

meanwhile Deku and Ochako are watching from above

“you wanna go get some burgers or something”

lol are you gonna help your teammates out or are you just gonna crouch there all day

Deku’s thinking back on TH’s words about how he needs to be in control of his heart and how if he wields his power in anger shit’s gonna get wrecked

uh oh

Shinsou being a sneaky sneak. but they owe him one though

lol it didn’t do much though

you tried, Shinsou

Deku’s narrating that he’s got so much going on in his head right now he can barely think, but he knows he can’t allow himself to go out of control and hurt everyone again

and now we’re cutting to the teachers who have snuck onto the stage and are watching from the shadows

Vlad’s asking Aizawa what they should do

Aizawa you’re so fucking hot as always good grief. I like your thoughtful face as you ponder how to address this later on, while also thinking that in the meantime you wanna keep watching and see how your protege fares against your problem child

haha okay

THE 5TH SET SHALL CONTINUE, EVERYONE! LOOKS LIKE THE BATTLE’S BACK ON FOLKS

next issue has a color page yaaaay. should be the 4th popularity poll results at long last if I’m not mistaken. MIRIO’S REVENGE. or mine, if he’s not represented the way he should be

meanwhile watch fucking Hawks be in like 1st place. except he’s not unseating the big three, probably, but after that who knows. sky’s the limit, and this boy can fly, so

(ETA: motherfucker made it all the way up to 4th place lol called it. apparently I missed when the results were originally announced back with chapter 207. still not sure how. but anyways I’ll post all my thoughts about it tomorrow lol)

[chronicbatfictioner]

Theater of the Soul - Chapter 23

Tim woke up to a stinging pain on his side, and Jason's face looking down at him from his left side. Also Stephanie's blonde locks on the other side. He would have playfully tugged said blonde if his arms would comply with his mind a little.

"The FBI - took Quinn this afternoon for questioning." somebody - Dick, likely, said from somewhere on his right. Because only Dick could voice something like 'FBI' and 'questioning' into sounding like 'sunshine' and 'apple pie'.

"Hi, kiddo." Jason smiled at him. "Thought you'd be coming 'round 'bout this time."

"Who..." Tim croaked, and winced at his own voice, sounding like a few dozen toads were singing. It felt like said toads were frolicking in his throat, too. Jason promptly shoved a straw into his mouth.

"Drink up. You've been out for like, through the night. Dr Thompkins just gave you like, 20 stitches for your wound. Followed with a very scathing comment at the doctor who caused that wound." Jason grinned impishly. "I think I heard her said something about reporting him to the Doctors' Association or something? Or was it surgeon's association? I dunno. I suppose she'll make sure he'll never practice medicine ever again on the grounds of insanity."

"Doctor...?" Tim croaked again, even after the water went down his throat. There were still several metaphorical frogs lingering. His brain told him that he should be glad he wasn't living in a Harry Potter world - otherwise metaphorical toads could be literal.

"Oh yeah, Dr Thomas Elliott." Stephanie replied, finally getting into Tim's line of vision. "I am very proud to say that my right hook will be forever immortalized in the bruise for that jackass' mugshot when he was arrested for attempted murder." she said. Jason snickered.

"Blondie's got a mean right hook," Jason said. 

Stephanie bowed exaggeratedly. "Thanks, got a lot of practice with wankers at the hospital. There's bound to be at least one whenever I'd go there to pick up my mom."

Tim turned a little to look at Jason.

"How did you get up there...?" he wanted to know.

"Hey, I have great upper body strength--" Jason replied, a little indignantly.

"--he's a Dorito." Stephanie added at the same time.

"--and I can walk, thank you very much. Just a little sore when I walk too long." Jason finished. That Tim knew. Just didn't think that Jason would have literally taxed his physique so severely just to protect Tim...

"Did you guys knew he'll be there?" Tim wondered out loud. The scheme against Dick was quite vivid. But Tim... he would never, in a million years, thought that he would be next on the list of targets.

"Babs told us to keep an eye out when she couldn't find Elliott anywhere. By the way, he'll be charged with manslaughter, first and foremost. Mama Elliott's body was found yesterday." Dick explained. "He'd claimed she had a heart attack, but they're totally going to autopsy her thoroughly this time. And by they, I mean the FBI."

"Ah! The hero is awake!" Barbara called as she wheeled in. "You should know that I've sent all of your findings to Agent Prince, and she was reallydelighted for the 'anonymous tip.'"

"Anonymous?" Tim tried to get up, and winced as his side tightened. Jason and Dick's arms were quickly around him, helping him get up and settled him comfortably in a sitting position.

"Lighten up a little, Timmers. You don't want Leslie scowling at you for popping those stitches." Dick told him.

"Yeah, okay... but anonymous?"

"Yep, the LA cops were still continuing the investigation against Jason, definitely. But your findings tied Napier very closely to Elliott, and Quinn's testimony has tipped the favors onto our side, heavily." Barbara explained. "It appeared that Quinn, finding Jason in Napier's LA house, had... how do I say this--"

"A burst of maternal instinct?" Stephanie suggested, smirking contemptuously.

Barbara scowled, and then shrugged. "Eugh. Fine. Maternal instinct - as much as the feminist in me hate the insinuation that you explicitly have to be female to do the right thing like rescuing a kid out of an insane maniac's... Anyway! Apparently she and Isley had taken Jason out of there after punching Napier and Elliott. She admitted of releasing Jason near the Ventura Highway - the 101, hoping he'd find a hospital and find his way home. She didn't expect him to be absolutely drugged and semi-catatonic and fell back to his street-instincts, instead of simply calling for help."

"So she'd killed Napier?" Tim asked.

"No she didn't. She and her girlfriend Pamela Isley were there. Isley confirmed that she had merely punched Napier and Elliott, and then they threatened the guards - there were five guards - that they were calling the cops. The guards apparently scattered afterward, but Quinn provided some of the guards' names to the feds. Diana said that the FBI's people from their LA Field office should be in the crime scene now, finding the evidence. My gut feelings said that Elliott might have bludgeoned Napier a while afterward." Barbara continued. "I personally believed that Elliott might have tried to use and/or manipulate Napier to try and ruin Bruce, and when that failed even after a year, he'd just lost his temper."

"First name basis with Agent Prince now, are we?" Dick grinned at Barbara.

"Eh... I've been talking with her a lot." Barbara brushed him off. "Jealous, Dickie?" she smirked. Dick raised an eyebrow mischievously, and Jason reached across and smacked him upside the head.

"Head outta the gutter, Dickiebird!" he said. "Point is that somebody could testify that I'm not a murderer."

"Not just someone, actually. I managed to..." Barbara glared at Jason impenitently. "...get to the traffic cams' archives from approximately five months ago, and found the footage of Quinn and Isley getting you out of her car from the 101's entrance cam, and then several other footages from the buildings around it. They should be glad, too, because of their exoneration as an accessory of crimes pretty much relied on their bright blonde and red hairs."

Tim noticed Barbara's lips quivered a little, in spite of the light scoff at the ending of her sentence. His imagination then supplied the images of Jason crawling on his broken legs all the way down from Ventura Highways to Skid Row. A good distance of 30+ miles. His brain supplied that the distance would take approximately eight hours of walking - for a healthy individual. Crawling on broken legs would have taken Jason days.

"Cool," Jason breathed a relieved sigh. "All's well ends well, then?"

"There are... still the due processes. You're technically on house-arrest, Jason. Diana requests it to Bruce." Barbara told him. "And you're not allowed to leave the country, obviously."

"Right, I'd just like to take my vacation to Europe right about now, thanks." Jason quipped, flipping an imaginary long hair haughtily. Then he looked at Tim and grinned. "...Or maybe along with the birthday boy-to-be here. Next Wednesday, isn't it?"

Tim definitely made a mental note to figure out how to stop blushing. Dick, Barbara, and Stephanie were definitely not helping matter any.

"Oooh, sweet lil fifteen!" Dick gushed. "I'm throwing a party."

"I'm totally helping. Let's go, Grayson, we have some scheming to do."

"Keep me in the loop, kids. I'm definitely gonna budget for this." Barbara said, turning around as if preparing to whip up a budget for a party.

"Guys...!" Tim groaned. "Seriously..."

"Yes, seriously." Jason said, wrapping his arm around Tim and clasped Tim's mouth. Tim had to fight the urge to childishly lick Jason's hand. "I didn't get my 15th, or 16th party, Timmers. I don't want you to have the same fate." he said. "Besides, I could use a good party here."

Tim found out that he did not want to see Jason's sad smile again. He nodded. Followed by instinctively wrapping his arms around Jason. Still, Tim was sure his brain did not consent his mouth to say out loud, "my Jaybird."

He froze, as he felt Jason tensed, too. But apparently he did not say it as loud as he thought, because Barbara, Dick, and Stephanie were still bickering among themselves about Tim's birthday party. Jason did not tense for long, as he released Tim from his hug and grinned. "Possessive little Timmybird." he said. His smile warmed Tim's heart more than any blankets could as Tim leaned his head on Jason's shoulder.

"Don't ever fly the coop again, okay?"

Jason nodded. "I promise I won't if you won't."

"And I want that European vacation for my 16th."

"Done deal."

[aticklishtem]

Cat’s Out of the Bag

((Request for @mylittlemystery from this post + “Are you scared?”~  I hope you like it!! <3 ))

“Boys, boys! Get back here right – I said stay! Heel! Play dead…?”

Djimmi wished he could say it was an uncommon occurrence to be roused from his lamp by a flurry of rowdy barks, indignant yowls, frantic pleas and plastic palm trees crashing to the floor – and maybe once it had been. But, it was safe to say, those days had all been long before his life had had the – occasionally mixed – blessing of having Beppi in it.

He materialised in a puff of smoke to be met with a predictably chaotic picture: a bunch of Beppi’s balloon dogs all yapping and growling; his own sarcophagus cats, arched up, hissing and spitting back at them, and in the middle of it all, almost literally tying himself into knots trying to keep them from colliding, while several hot pups nipped at his heels and another tugged fiercely at his collar in an attempt to get at the kitten that had somehow gotten its claws stuck into the other side, his colourful chum.

“Djimbo! Hiya!” Beppi exclaimed, flashing him a slightly more frazzled smile than usual. “Fancy seeing you here!”

“In my own tent, yes, fancy that,” Djimmi answered dryly, wry amusement turning to concern as his cat dangled precariously from Beppi’s collar. Sensing an imminent fall, he hastily floated over to retrieve the little one, cradling it carefully in his arms while planting himself as a more effective wall between the dogs and the rest of the litter.

Beppi let out a sheepish chuckle, just about twisting himself back into shape as most of the dogs retreated behind his legs. “Sorry about that – didn’t mean to disturb your little catnap. We were just out for walkies when several somebodies…” he shot a glare towards the dogs, who paid him no heed, “decided to start playing chase instead. Say sorry, boys!” He got nothing but a lone, contrary growl in response, which Djimmi couldn’t help but smile at – he knew just how unruly sentient show props could be, after all. “Ignore them, they’re full of hot air. They’re just being grouchy ‘cause I haven’t fed them yet.”

He lifted his hat, somehow revealing a long string of balloon sausages – Djimmi was no slouch when it came to magic, but Beppi’s unique brand of absurdity mystified even him at times – and lobbed them over towards the tent flap, successfully diverting the dogs’ attention as they bounced eagerly over each other to get at the rubbery feast.

“Dogs will be dogs, I suppose.” Reassured that his pets had come to no harm, Djimmi yawned and stretched out in the space, bending and flexing his muscles with a satisfying pop – it was cosy in his lamp, but took its toll if he slacked off for too long. “It’s more traditional to rub the lamp, but that’s...certainly one way to wake me up.” The customers would be coming in soon wanting their fortunes told, so he arranged himself gracefully across the plush pile of cushions scattered across the sand; as he did so, a few of the more skittish cats that had been hiding from the dogs behind his chest of ancient artifacts scampered over, soothed by his presence.

“Oooh, do I get three wishes?” Beppi made himself equally at home, sinking into the cushions next to Djimmi while a few curious cats padded over to inspect the newcomer.

“If you were several thousand years earlier, maybe. But I’ll tell you your future for three coins.”

Beppi poked his tongue out playfully in retaliation. “Don’t need your hokey magic. Maybe I’ll just start my own act...Beppi the Brilliant! Has a ring to it, don’tcha think?” As Djimmi chuckled and rolled his eyes fondly, he leaned over to peer intently into the crystal ball on the table – it didn’t actually show anything until Djimmi channeled his own magic into it, but Beppi was nothing if not committed to his act, wiggling his fingers dramatically above it, “I predict...lots of laughter! After a bit of a ruff start.”

“Ruff!” one of the dogs barked, its ears perking up.

“That’s right, you tell ‘em, buddy.” One of the kittens that had made its way into his lap mewed softly, diverting Beppi’s attention as his eyes widened in tender concern. “Oh, hey, little guy! Don’t be scared – they’re good boys really. They just play a little ruff.”

Djimmi kept a watchful eye as they got acquainted; his little ones could be fussy, and he rarely saw them take to anyone easily. And when they did, he had to admit he never imagined it would be Beppi, who only seemed to have two settings: loud and louder. Yet here he was, lifting them up as soft and gentle as anything to babble nonsense baby talk, giggling delightedly when paws batted at his colourful buttons and occasionally meowing himself as though they were having an in-depth conversation. Like so many things he did, it was both bizarre and inexplicably adorable, and Djimmi felt something warm and fuzzy stirring somewhere deep in his own old soul.

His fleeting moment of tranquility was soon disturbed as a few balloon dogs, having finished their snack and apparently disgruntled at their owner having the nerve to pay attention to anything else, floated back over, prompting a couple of cats to scramble back into the safety of Djimmi’s arms. While Beppi was busy reassuring them that he had plenty of pets to go around for everyone, a soft, metallic tail brushed across Djimmi’s bare stomach and he jumped, inadvertently dislodging a few cushions and drawing Beppi’s gaze back to him in the process.

“Down, boy.” Beppi patted his most persistent companion as he glanced up into Djimmi’s eyes, expression somewhere between amused and and suspicious, with just a hint of concern. “Djimbo, you’re not scared of old Frankie, are you? He couldn’t do a pop of damage – look.” He booped the pooch on the nose and it growled playfully, nipping at his finger. “See? Not sharp at all.”

Djimmi smiled, grateful that his natural hue should hide any resulting reddening of his cheeks. “No, of course I’m not scared of you…!” His voice rose to a strangled yelp as he reached over to pet the pup; the cat was settling in by pawing at his lap, its fur rubbing relentlessly at the exposed skin there. He clenched his teeth, struggling to hold back the laughter threatening to bubble up while maintaining a facade of normalcy – if Beppi caught on, he knew, the cats would be the least of his problems.

His friend cocked a bright blue eyebrow, evidently not buying it. “You sure? ‘Cause you’re acting kinda kooky, and this is me saying – ohhh.” Too late, much too late – realisation dawned and his golden eyes lit up like he’d just hit the jackpot at a slot machine. “I see what you’re scared of now. It’s the monster, isn’t it?”

“Beppi…” Djimmi adopted his best warning tone, despite the slightest of nervous flutters in his stomach as he folded his arms protectively over it – he recognised that scheming smile all too well, and it meant whatever zany idea had popped into his head, Djimmi wasn’t going to like it. “Don’t be ridiculous – alright, more ridiculous. There’s no monster here.”

“Djimbo, I am utterly, completely, eleventy-hundred-per-cent sincere here,” Beppi insisted, fluttering his eyelashes and almost managing to look halfway innocent, despite the malicious mischief glittering underneath. “Tickle monsters are no laughing matter. In fact, I think I just saw one riiiight…” his fingers, which had been slowly walking their way across Djimmi’s back, dug into his side, “there!”

The laughter he’d been repressing immediately burst free as nimble fingers scrabbled their way up his sides; they tumbled sideways, Djimmi ending up on his back sprawled across the cushions with Beppi straddling him, bearing down on him with a maniacal grin that in no way resembled the face of mercy.

“Oh no, looks like they’re multiplying!” he mock-gasped, confirming this fact when Djimmi attempted to push him off without doing any lasting damage by wriggling his fingers under his biceps and into the hollows of his armpits, any protests or threats dissolving into a stream of uncharacteristic, embarrassingly high-pitched giggles. “Whatever will we do?! Who will come and save our poor, helpless hero?”

He barely heard the familiar soft tinkle of paws over his own laughter as several cat sarcophagi padded over to investigate the kerfuffle; to Djimmi‘s frustration, they chose to “help” by licking his neck with tiny, soft tongues, while a few others nuzzled at his waist, apparently trying to burrow inside his vest.

“Lihihhihittle ones!” he managed to gasp out, reduced to simply clenching and unclenching his fists uselessly – he didn’t dare squirm too much for fear of sending their fragile bodies flying across the room, but his fate was now truly sealed, with Beppi having switched to lightly tapping out a tune along his ribs, just enough to keep him laughing. “Gehehehet ohohohoff!”

In perhaps the cruellest twist of fate that day, he only succeeded in drawing a bundle of balloon dogs bouncing over to his other side instead – and Beppi was right, their blunt, rubbery teeth didn’t hurt at all when they started nibbling at Djimmi’s waist and hips as though he was another giant sausage: it was so much worse.

“Would ya look at that – we got a full house!” Their ringleader clapped his hands together in glee, briefly distracted by the gathering menagerie, but soon redoubled his efforts as his fingers dancing lower to trace the outline of Djimmi’s abs, slowly at first and then picking up the pace.

“Y’know, Djimbo, you really shouldn’t taunt the tickle monster like that – leaving this cute lil’ tum-tum all exposed!” He spoke with the same teasing coo he’d addressed the cats with moments ago – almost as if Djimmi was an equally tiny, helpless creature, and it somehow intensified every nuzzle of fur, nip of teeth and swirl of gloved finger against his skin to the point where he could hardly think of anything else. Djimmi might’ve even suspected some form of malevolent magic, had he not known that it was all Beppi. “Next thing you’ll be leaving weapons around willy-nilly…”

Djimmi’s eyes, previously screwed shut from the potent combination of mirth and embarrassment, flew open in horror as he realised what Beppi was reaching for.

“Beheheheppi – don’t you even think about –“

“Now don’t tell me you’re scared of this fluffy fella too.” Beppi plucked the feather from his turban and wielded it like a seasoned swordsman, fluttering under his vest, across his chest, over every bit of skin he could reach with the lightest yet simultaneously most unbearable touch, as though painting a mural of giggles that turned to louder snorts and guffaws while evading Djimmi’s attempts to grab it back.

“Gihihive that bahahahack!”

“Aw, don’t be such a party pooper – the fun’s only just gotten started!” Beppi reprimanded him by twirling the tip of the feather across his broad shoulders – blessedly, a less sensitive area, but he scrunched up his neck instinctively anyway. “Hey, are you blushing? Kinda hard to tell – we should probably keep going, just to be sure. Whaddaya think, fellas?” Djimmi felt, rather than heard, a few responding mews as if his traitorous pets were agreeing, the sly devils. “‘Cause I think the tickle monster’s getting hungry. And I heard...that ticklish little genies are his faaavourite snack!”

Before Djimmi had any hope of finding the necessary coherency to point out the absurdity of Beppi calling him ‘little’ – though with the ludicrous nom nom nom noises he was growling against his trembling belly, practically one with his pack, he probably wouldn’t have heard anyway – he inhaled deeply and blew the noisiest, longest raspberry he could muster, which, given the proportions he could inflate his head and lungs to, felt to Djimmi like an eternity.

The ticklish sensations vibrated ceaselessly through every inch of his being, finally undoing the last of Djimmi’s self-control; his deep, booming, unrestrained laughter reverberated through the room, shaking the walls of his tent as he pounded a fist desperately against the floor. Startled by the outburst, the cats and dogs scattered, leaving only a trail of tingles lingering on his oversensitive skin.

Whether out of mercy or satisfaction with his grand finale, Beppi hopped off of him too and let Djimmi float upright, gathering his breath and what remained of his dignity before flashing him an unrepentant grin.

“Alright, alright, good hustle, guys,” he told the cats and dogs that had clustered around his feet, petting one with each hand – at least they seemed to have reconciled, somewhere in the process of uniting to torment Djimmi instead. “I think the tickle monster’s had his fill – for today, anyway…”

That smug satisfaction wavered as soon as Djimmi narrowed his eyes, picking up that damned feather and affixing it back to his turban; before Beppi could make a dash for it, he swiftly sealed the tent entrance with a flick of one hand while effortlessly scooping up an armful of squirming clown with the other.

“Funny you should mention, about these tickle monsters,” he hummed, cradling Beppi on his back just as he would a misbehaving kitten – he even curled up like one, drawing his knees up to his chest as if that was going to protect him from the powerful, wiggling fingers advancing ever closer, “because I heard there’s only one way to truly defeat them...”

“Djimbo – wait, wait! Just listen – we can cut a deal, I’ll do anything you want, just don’t – dohohohohon’t…!”

It also wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for his tent to shake with hysterical squeals and shrieks and snorts, the kind that doubtless made passers-by wonder what in the world was going on in there – but, fortunately, it was one Djimmi wouldn’t have traded for the world.

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x11 recap

(Aka the one where Keaton and Dr Sun face off in an exciting round of  “~Whose Presence Is The Least Wanted~”. Spoiler: they both win.)

Delayed a little by a spontaneous three-day trip across the state and a few late shifts, but finally here at last. So thanks your your awesome responses to last week’s recap, and prepare for a large quantity of thoughts and opinions because damn this ep was actually good??

Noooo. Roman. My baby. Why must you suffer so much??? I mean sure there was the terrorism and the murdering and all, but... well, just as I don't see Remi and Jane as the same person, Times New Roman and Old Roman are also not the same. Plus, given that messed up childhood he had, his violence is kinda unsurprisng. And I just can't help it okay, he's my scruffy psycho puppy and I love him. And Jane does too, which is why she's always visiting him (FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS WHAAAT. mORE ON THIS IN A SEC) and trying to make sure he's eating and getting some rest and just basically being the sweetest sister ever ughhhhh. But he's understandably starting to crack, being caged up in there like an animal, and ugh can I just hug them both rn

Okay this next scene is a Nas scene, ergo I don’t care about it, so I'm gonna just pause for a second and vent about this whole two-week-jump thing. Because you know what can happen in two weeks in this show?? Everything!! Like literally from the time Jane rejoined the team in the premiere up to the events of last ep (aka a total of 11 eps), only TWELVE DAYS had passed. (Yes, I counted). So let's think about this. This means that Jane came back into the team's lives 12 days ago. She met Roman 12 days ago. She was shot by Zapata 12 days ago (though you would never know it based on her physical activity... #tvmedicine). And wanna know some other things that happened in that 12 days? 11 days ago Weller found out he was gonna be a father (Allie was like 15 weeks along at the time, at best guess??), and Borden asked Patterson out. Approx 6 days ago, Jane kinda pretty much admitted to Weller that she loved/loves him. She found out about the baby a day later, the same day Allie was shot. (Again, not a hint of that injury any time we've seen her since!). Weller and Nas started sleeping together 4 days ago, while Jane's 'happy ending' fantasy (*sobs*), and her failed date with Oliver happened only three days ago. Then let’s not even get into the whole shitstorm of Shepherd’s trap and the team nearly dying and Patterson discovering Borden’s betrayal just a day ago. So are you seeing my issue here?? All these things happened in LESS than 2 weeks, and now we've just jumped forward that entire block of time and ugh what the hell did we miss in all those days??? I’m actually legit worried about what bad things could have happened/are brewing...

Aaand speak of the devil. Or devil-lady. Nas is apparently doing something shady (shocking, I know) and Weller comes to investigate, since apparently she's been 'sneaking off every morning'. Oh, great. You know what, maybe I'm glad we've skipped ahead two weeks, if these two have continued their... whatever the hell this is... during all that time. But seriously dude, Jane is back and you guys are actually on good terms again, why are you still with the rebound??? Unless... unless she's no longer the rebound but rather the barrier. Like with Jane back and their old connection starting to reform, maybe he's using this thing with Nas as like a buffer to keep himself from gravitating back to Jane-- lbr, he's the proverbial moth to her flame, and vice versa-- and so basically this thing with Nas is all just a way of protecting his heart by keeping it far away from the one woman who could truly crush it? Honestly rn that's the story I gotta go with bc otherwise I’m gonna get stuck obsessing over wtf is going on here with these two  completely ill-suited people. Sigh. But anyhow apparently Nas used to get messages from this sign from the Sandstorm informant (did she ever look into how though? Like did the informant know or pay off the person who types them? Or did they hack in themselves? Surely that was a lead that should have been followed??) and so apparently she's still checking it. Also damn, the quote up on the sign: "The soul can never be cut to pieces by any weapon"-- very true about Jane, given all she's been through and how strong and incredible she's manages to remain through it all....

But anyway now there are two thug-like dudes just sneaking thuggishly amongst a bunch of shipping containers and lbr it's already a better scene than the previous one. And then a Distinguished Looking Man and a younger man (his son, I'm guessing?) exit one of the containers, looking Distinguished and Mysterious. Dude, I hope you guys didn't come from far away, bc that would not have been a fun journey...

Ooooh Weller's lady-juggling is apparently not going so well as he ends up missing Allie's appointment-- what's she now? 20 weeks, give or take? And yet that's one tiiiiiny belly she's still got... like okay yes, some women barely show at all, even well into the second trimester, but lbr NEVER TV WOMEN. TV women are usually always sporting one of those massive fake belly things so that we, the poor silly viewers, don't forget that “HEY THIS LADY GOT KNOCKED UP, THERE'S DEFINITELY A BABY KICKING AROUND IN HERE SO GET READY FOR IT TO FLY ON OUT AND MESS SHIT UP AT ANY MOMENT". And yet, with this show... nothing? Some slightly baggier clothes, maybe, but not even a moderate bump. What does it mean?? Are they sneakily trying to tell us that ~all is not as it seems~ with this pregnancy (like hey, maybe Allie even sneakily moved the appointment forward so Weller would miss it)-- or, am I just reading to much into things, and the show’s prop-masters were simply out of stock on the Defo-Preggo fake bellies and decided it didn't matter and we probably wouldn't notice its absence anyway? Seriously I have been super suss of this pregnancy from the start (mainly bc why the hell would it even have been written into the story unless for some kind of ~Shock Drama~ down the track) so maybe I'm looking too hard for hints? Lbr it's gonna take a fair bit to shake me from my 'Allie is a Sandstorm operative and is faking the pregnancy bc of reasons' theory. And Cutie Connor can totally fit into that too. But anyhow Weller is a sweetie and is trying very hard to be a Good Dad(TM). Oh, my son. Why do I strongly get the feeling that you will never even get the chance to be a dad to this baby. (*whispers* there's always your babies with Jane to look forward to, tho...)  

Oooh it's back-to-work day for Reade (two weeks post-surgery really isn't enough for a physical job like his, but whatever I'mma overlook it) and omg he and Zapata having an awkward little chat and dude is this really the first time they've spoken since that terrible kiss? Really?? So there was just radio silence between them, two best friends, for two weeks while he was practically an invalid. Ooookay. Sure. On a brighter note, there was a rat in the lockerroom that Reade had named Whitey Bulger hahaha. That's adorable. I hope it was released humanely. Reminds me of the mouse that used to live in the wall of my parents’ house and its hole was right near the computer desk so I would feed it crumbs when I was up on the computer at like 3am haha. Ah, good times. Also okay hold on google says that Whitey Bulger was an infamous crime boss who murdered like 20 people. Ohhhhh and apparently he was an FBI informant, aka a rat. I wonder if the rat was white, too? Though generally wild rats are brown. But wow okay I am getting very distracted (lbr it's the secondhand embarrassment from this super awkward interaction, I can't deal so I’m avoiding the whole thing lol)

Phew okay now we can switch to a far more pleasing scene-- my baby Patterson is back at it, and I'm not even gonna comment on the bullet-wound recovery time. Just look at this restraint I’m showing. Anyway based on Zapata's very pointed comments, lil baby Patterson has refused to take any time off. Ugh. Though if I were her I wouldn't really want to be at my apartment either. I wonder if Borden left anything there... :( also Patterson still has a nasty headache, which sounds ongoing and is not all that consistent with the eardrum-stabbing. It could be a bunch of things, including lack of sleep, but... I wonder. Maybe Sheherd was sneakier than we thought. But for now let's just hope our baby is okay.

Looolll I feel like I'm watching a married couple having a fight over what's best for their kid or something. But lbr here if not for the pressure that Weller's facing to show that he's 'punishing' Roman somehow (seriously we know how Pellington fels about Roman, not to mention how all the agents under Weller’s command must feel about the man that helped kill 12 of their own), I feel like he would be on Jane's side of this argument. Although, he probably also recognises the influence Roman has over Jane, and might be worried that Roman could pull her away from him... but anyhow it's entertaining to watch these two in their own little bubble with Nas off to the side, just awkwardly hovering there like she's an afterthought. Neither one particularly wants her input rn but she has to be there, so... but then she suggests bringing in an 'expert' that she knows and that sets off instant alarm bells for me. DO NOT TRUST ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH NAS, INCLUDING NAS, OKAY GUYS? THEY’RE SNAKE-PEOPLE, THE LOT OF THEM. This is bound to bode ill for Roman and Jane and like probably everyone somehow

Aw my clever baby has cracked (or re-cracked) an old tattoo, which previously had given them a random number but now correlates to a shipping container-- naturally, the very one that our mysterious duo exited earlier. And due to some handy camera unscrambling, we know that Distinguished Man is a supposedly-dead warlord dude that did a bunch of bad things and was actually indirectly involved in the team nearly getting killed in Turkey last season. Oooooh, drama.

So the kiddies are heading into the bullpen-- Reade joining Weller and Jane as they head together to the main briefing area. So wait how come Jeller were off on their own just then, given that the team was all just together down in Patterson's lab a minute ago? (*cough* quickie?? *cough*) But anyhow traces of nitroglycerin were found in the container apparently so ooooh bomb??? But apparently the company who paid for the container also paid a bunch of dough to some other lady, so the team brings her in-- and finds out the money was 'life insurance' from the death of her brother a few days ago. But hold on, she never even saw the body, said that he'd already been taken to the morgue. And bingo, this story is already throwing up a ton of flags. I can tell you from direct experience that when a person dies in hospital, a doctor (ie, me) is immediately called to certify them, and then we tuck them in nicely and ensure they look peaceful before we contact the family and allow them to come in. And unless the family is like hours and hours away, the patient will remain in their room until they've had a chance to say goodbye. If the family can't get there for a long time, they're taken to the hospital’s mortuary where they await pickup by the family's chosen funeral director. At any point in this process the family can still be taken to see the patient if they wish. So clearly, something else happened with this woman's brother, and someone paid off multiple hospital staff to make it look how they wanted. Definitely not easy to do. And now, according to Patterson, it turns out he was actually transferred elsewhere... this is all veeeeery shady

Ugh Jane going to Roman and using Borden's coffee example to help reach out to him. Ughhhh. And then ugh he asks her if Shepherd loved them and why she wiped his memory and this puts Jane in such a tight spot bc if she said Shepherd did it but didn't love him then how does she explain later that she herself did it out of love and aarghh. But her answer "maybe she thought it was the only chance she had left to get you back” is a good answer. I'm still sad that she had to lie to him about it, and the ramifications that that's going to have. Please understand, Roman, she loves youuuuu and only wants what’s best for you!

Meanwhile Patterson's found the person who last visited the dude in hospital, bc she's da boss. And then Weller asks if she ran the plates and she practically rolls her eyes at him, sassily gesturing over her shoulder just as a photo of the plates appears on the screen behind her. Badass. The team subsequently goes chasing the car-- which is conveniently like ten mins away-- and suddenly it's like we’re in the middle of a black SUV convention when the team surrounds the target cars, the two separate sides differentiated only by the fact that out of one set of cars comes our badass team with their big guns, and out of the other comes a murdering, bloodthirsty, terrorist warlord... and something much worse. KEATON. And lbr I will forever be proud of Jane for the fact that she has her torturer directly in her line of fire and yet doesn't even once struggle with the temptation of pulling the trigger. Because no matter what she's been through-- and no matter what Remi did in the past-- Jane is not a killer. (Let's just agree to overlook the whole thing with Fisher bc that man was an evil little weasel and deserved what he got). And then Zapata discovers a possible bioweapon in the car, ratcheting tensions even higher until Keaton is all 'chill, it's just a pilfered body part'. And lbr, Keaton is so damn repugnant that this is the only way he could ever steal anyone's heart. (badum-tish?). But omg then Jane tells Weller-- while staring at Keaton with bared teeth-- that he was the one who tortured her. And being the little shit-stirrer he is, Keaton tries to imply that Weller has known all along (actually only two weeks and 4 days, but who's counting), and Jane's trust in Weller wavers just slightly at that, given that he'd told her from the start that he hadn't known anything about her torture. Which was true, at the time. And now he quickly reassures her-- while staring absolute daggers at Keaton-- that he only found out in Bulgaria. I wonder if he's mentally reliving that last meeting bc oh boy I sure am. Ah, those satisfying choking sounds. But anyhow, it turns out that Warlord Man's son needs a heart transplant and the CIA is providing it in exchange for info about planned terrorist attacks. The traces of 'nitroglycerin' that was found in the storage container was actually from the kid's heart medication (glyceryl trinitrate, in case you're interested, though he likely wouldn't be on that medication for this particular condition. Also to get those traces around the container I guess he must have been doing a Great-Escape style boredom activity, just with throwing his tablets instead of a ball. Anywho tho Jane tells Weller he can't trust Keaton, and as he always does (or did, in the old days) he finds a way to do what she suggests that is also going to appear acceptable to the Big Bosses. Which in this case means inviting Keaton and Co into their base. Joy. 

So not only does the team have to work with the world's biggest asshat, but there's an attack tonight that they need to stop. Zapata takes Anton the Warlord's phone and laptop to Patterson bc apparently she can't face the idea of interviewing him with Reade (come on kids, we're all grownups here) and everyone suddenly disperses, leaving Jane alone in the room with Keaton. I kinda feel like that's an oversight that Weller wouldn't actually make (and lbr he's always been super aware of where Jane is and what she's doing at all times) so I kinda feel like he is deliberately giving her this chance to face Keaton alone? He knows she wouldn't do anything foolish-- such as, say, try to choke him to death, like a certain someone-- and knows she needs this closure. And omg Keaton is now boo-hooing about missing his kid's basketball games because he had to spend his time 'interrogating' her. Damn, that's cold. He's literally acting like she wronged him. (Can I claw his eyes out now, please?? Since Jane is too good of a person to do it??). But well, at least Keaton’s shittiness gives us this scene of Jane storming into Weller's office. He's sitting and staring pensively at a watch in his hands-- what's the significance? Was it his father's? What am I missing here?? and she bursts in all angry and hurt that they're working with Keaton after what he did to her, which lbr would basically feel like everyone dismissing it as no big deal. But thankfully Weller makes it clear-- with his Serious Voice and turbulent eyes-- that he hates it too and even nearly killed Keaton when he found out. And boy, does that take the wind out of her sails. Yes, Jane, Mr Always-Do-The-Right-Thing literally nearly murdered a high-ranking government official for hurting you. And ugh you can see how much that means to her-- lbr with them, that's basically as much an admission of love as any kiss could be... 

Aaaand then of course Nas has to appear to ruin the moment, because that's literally like her entire role on this show; Ms Shady Backstabber and Moment-Ruiner. And oh joy, she's brought her 'expert', who on one hand I am pleased to see is a disabled WOC, bc yes good tv representation, but on the other hand I wish she just wasn't there at all. That actress was great in Quantico though. Literally tho in the first minute the doctor has called Roman a 'prisoner' and a 'killer'. Biased, much??? I have literally treated jailed murderers myself, and the entire medical staff would always refer to them only as 'the patient' or at the very worst, 'the inmate'. So this lady is really already rubbing me the wrong way here. As much as I dislike her, though, I agree that Jane shouldn't be there for her assessment. But ugh I hope she can watch on cameras or something just so someone is keeping an eye on what they do to my poor puppy... but seriously tho let's all take a moment to appreciate how well Jane keeps herself in check like all the time?? I mean she's constantly copping crap from people and she just takes it with such grace (okay sometimes with a little less grace but generally very well) and ugh I just love her so much

Speaking of Jane, she takes her turn watching over Anton, and while the man refused to say a word to Reade, the sight of Jane has him opening right up. I feel ya, buddy. I'd spill my guts to her too. I enjoy that they bond over their mutual hatred of Keaton. Can I join that party? Also ugh the way he talks about his son not being like him, and being deserving of a proper life... kinda like Jane still deserves a good life despite who her 'mother' is and what she's done. But oh geez, his next line-- "You know what's the worst thing that can happen to a man, Jane? To lose a child." AAAAHHHH RED FLAGS RED FLAGS THIS IS FORESHADOWING I JUST KNOW IT. DOES THIS MEAN THE WRITERS ARE GONNA KILL OFF WELLER'S BABY??? DOES IT???? And then oh shit, the son dies (I am still sure that that line was foreshadowing more than just his death though) and the team is all like wtf do we do??? Naturally Keaton thinks the only option is to lie, which Jane strongly disagrees with, both of them turning to Weller, who brings them both with him to see Anton. Keaton gets in there and starts spouting lies-- only for Weller to step up and tell the truth, while also being genuinely sympathetic. Yaaaaasss my son taking Jane's side and doing the right thing, as he should :) And ugh she is so sad for the man's loss and tries to get him to see that his son wouldn't have wanted this. 'His ideals aren't like yours' oh boy does she know all about that. But even her heartfelt pleas can't get through to him (come on, dude, look at that faaaace) and so now the team is really in trouble... But as always happens when shit hits the fan, everyone turns to Patterson, who naturally comes through, tracing a phone that got a coded message from Anton's phone, giving them the lead they desperately need...            

But while my beautiful and trustworthy team is busy doing that, Shady and Shadier are starting their mindgames on my poor lil caged lion Roman. Keep your devil-claws off him, ladies! That means you, sneaky shrink! Also if he is believed to be so dangerous and unstable, there is no way she would be that close to him, especially without any guards present. He could kill her in a single second. And speaking of which, baby Ian just stabbed the hell out of one of the other boys at the orphanage (the one that stole his coin), seemingly on the order of their captors? And in the earlier flash that we got, the guy said "Will you kill your rabbit now?" So these are two separate memories, right? The rabbit is really a rabbit, yeah? Like ‘rabbit’ isn't a metaphor for a 'target' or something right? Either way, daaaaamn, these poor kids...   

Aaaaahhhhh we're getting another Jeller heart-to-heart moment in the caaaarrrr! I've missed these. I so wish Reade and Zapata were in the back seat pretending not to exist like they did in the good old days when Jeller were having a ~moment~, but sadly not this time. But ugh Jane is again expressing her fears about Roman's reaction should he find out that she zipped him, and I love this bc not only is Jane allowing herself to turn to Weller again for comfort, but she's also being open with him about her feelings, ensuring there's nothing hidden between them anymore (at least on her side. While I assume she's figured out the whole Nas thing, I doubt he's outwardly said anything to her). And ugghhhhh Weller doesn't hesitate to comfort her, reminding her that she has become a completely new person-- aka, a good person-- after her wipe. Yaaaassss for Weller acknowledging that Jane and Remi are separate people. And then ughhhh he says the wipe was the best thing that ever happened to her but lbr it's the best thing that ever happened to him??? That memory wipe brought her right to him, gave them the opportunity to know each other and fall for each other. Hers wasn't the only life that was changed forever the day she climbed out of that bag. But omg he's still not done??? He tells her that she not only saved Roman's life by doing what she did, but whatever hope he has left (of a life, of happiness and normalcy) is a gift that she gave him. Oh lord, help me. And then he turns to her and puts the heart eyes up to high beam and boy are they blinding. I'm legit gonna have lightspots in my vision for like the next hour. But ugh what I love most is that these are not his previous "I adore you and everything you are" hearteyes but more of an "I have done so wrong by you and though I know I could never make it right I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying" hearteyes and honestly JUST LET ME DIE. Oh wait, nope, I am about to die bc now we're in the other car with Zapata and Reade AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH THE AWKWARD. Save me. At least Reade is trying to talk it out like a grownup whereas Zapata is all but stuffing her fingers in her ears and going "la la la la I can't heaaaaar you" lol. 

Thankfully, Weller chooses that moment to rescue us all (he probably needed a distraction of his own bc he was becoming too lost in Jane's eyes haha) and everybody pulls into a place that looks kinda reminiscent of the spot where Zapata shot Jane. Everyone fans out, including Jane, and I will forever be so happy about the fact that she's back out with the team and trusted with a weapon and they all know they can rely on her as a true team member and ughhhh I'm just so happy to be getting back to the real heart of this show. And speaking of things that are right at the very core of this show, Weller has managed to get himself blown up yet again, this time by trying to stop a dude who had wired a bunch of basketballs on a rack into a bomb. Bad dude gets away with a bunch of other bombs, and Weller gets away with barely a scratch-- which doesn't stop Jane from yelling his name in alarm and immediately running to his side, even giving us an Unnecessary (but sadly not all that Lingery) touch on his arm as if she's reassuring herself that he's okay. Ah man. You guys are killing me. While this season has certainly frustrated me in regards to Weller's actions towards Jane, it definitely doesn't disappoint in hers towards him. Ugh, my stupid in-love babies, how I adore you

Anywho the whole crew is on the site now (including Keaton, which literally everyone there/the entire world could do without) and they realise that though there's no major basketball games on tonight-- which of course our resident ex-gambler knows-- there is a youth league game on, aka the one that Keaton's daughter is playing at. And how do they know this?? Because my baby Jane is a freakin' genius as well as a badass, and she actually listens to what people say, even if those people are jerks and don't deserve a second of her attention. And so now when Jane speaks, everyone listens, which is why they're all currently bolting to the kids' game. And Keaton is all "he's doing this to get at me" *whinge whinge*, and Jane is all 'bitch shut up there's a lot more people there than just your kid'. But naturally Keaton continues to bitch bc he's Keaton, then even annoyingly brings up the whole being a parent thing, at which time Jane sneaks an almost-sad look at Weller, because freaking everyone has to continuinally remind her that the man she loves now has a permanent tie to someone else. Great, thanks, show. 

But anyhow despite Weller having everything under control, Keaton manages to ruin everything as usual, getting his own agent killed and forever traumatising his daughter in the process. Weller and Keaton then bugger off in search of the daughter while Jane and the other two take out a bunch of baddies like the badass little team they are. Ah, so good to see them like this again. Jane splits off from the others to chase more baddies while the two of them try to defuse the bomb with Patterson's help. Bc when in need, always call Patterson. Jane's fight with the baddie in the gym is kinda hilarious, like at one point she sends him sprawling but rather than knocking him out she waits politely for him to get up before continuing their fight. Such manners :P  Although given the fact that she then slams a kettleweight straight into his face/chest, maybe she’d used up her quota of good behaviour haha. Meanwhile Patterson shuts down the cell signal to the area, preventing the bomb being activated via the mobile phone detonator... ummm is that a thing that's actually possible? Idek. Anyhow Weller and Keaton find the daughter at gunpoint in the locker room, and Weller's all "I haven't got a shot" though lbr I bet that ‘Mr Exceptional Marksmanship Award’ could totally shoot that guy's exposed hand. A moment later he gets the shot anyway when Keaton draws the baddie out, and all seems to have ended happily until-- dun dun dun-- there's another baddie, right about to shoot both Keaton and his daughter!! Only to be shot by Jane first, aka my perfect beautiful princess who always saves any life she can, even if that life belongs to the piece of slime that tortured her for three freakin’ months. Hey Weller, take notes. If Nas had been in Jane's situation just then, she would have sat back and watched. No doubt about it. At least Keaton is man enough to genuinely thank her tho, to which she gives pretty much the much more professional-sounding version of "screw you, asshole" lol. You go, girl.

Oh boy. So you put Roman into an ‘MRI’ and are now basing your diagnosis on the absence of a perceived response to a few pictures. Good lord, woman, you must have gone to a worse medical school than Borden. I don't even know where to start with this. Firstly the scan you're thinking of is a PET scan, but you literally can’t make this diagnosis based on that anyway!! And honestly lady have you ever opened a psych textbook in your entire life, there's a whole bunch of criteria to diagnose Antisocial Personality Disorder and ROMAN LITERALLY DOES NOT MEET THEM. Even Old Roman doesn't meet the majority of them, and New Roman meets practically none. This woman is a CHARLATAN and I will not TOLERATE THIS DISRESPECT TOWARDS EITHER OF MY BABIES. Gaaawd. So now poor Roman is in danger of being locked away in a padded room for his whole life on the word of one woman; one woman who they know nothing about except that she comes recommended by Nas (which should be an automatic black mark against anyone's name imo) but also a woman who just told Jane-- aka Jane who grew up in Hell's Orphanage and has been through unfathomable shit her entire life including three months of recent physical torture-- and this woman just told her she can't possibly imagine how 'terrible' this Sudanese orphanage was that she visited once as a student. Good lord, can I slap her yet. Please. At least Jane kind of calls her on it, raising the point that she grew up in exactly the same way as Roman, but it's clear the snake-charmer's mumbo-jumbo has her doubting herself. Ugh. At least Weller doesn't seem at all happy with the idea of having to lock Roman up-- probably bc he knows how it'll hurt his precious Jane, and after allowing her to suffer for so much of this season he's finally gotten his shit together and realised she didn’t/doesn't deserve any of it and now desperately wants to make up for his previous ass-ish ways.

Speaking of ass-ish ways, Zapata has decided to grow up a little and reach out the olive branch. Thank god. She even apologises, which is impressive, because this is Zapata... although she still manages to turn it into a bit of a joke. I do love the "you're not even my type, though" (we know, Sarah is) and the "why, too smart or too classy?" Thankfully he calls her on the classy part, and yaaayy we are back to the sassy banter that I like :))) Brotp forever please. Also Reade aren't you still on pain meds? You shouldn't really be drinking... And then aww she wingmans for him (which would have been hilariously awkward if the girl had actually been checking HER out. Man, that would have been amazing). But then hold on writers, what is this little ~look~ she throws back at him?? Please tell me that that was just a slightly wistful 'If only I could love him as something more than a brother, who knows, we could have been a good couple" and not a "I'm pretending I don’t have feelings for you bc though I actually am in love with you I don't want to drag you down into the trash pile with me". Bc legit if the writers go down the path of the latter, I'm going to be so pissed. JUST LET THEM BE BEST FRIENDS, OKAY??? NOT EVERYONE WITH OPPOSITE GENITALS HAS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, GEEZ.

Naw Patterson finds Jane sitting behind the mirror, watching over Roman like the loving-- and worried-- big sister that she is. And Patterson, bless her, my precious angel made of fairy dust and sunshine-- gently reassures her that 'psychology isn't even a real science so you shouldn't listen to anything the shrink says' (or something along those lines lol), and then ughhhhh when Jane is basically acknowledging that she has no power to fight the shrink's diagnosis because she 'isn't objective', Patterson gifts us with this: "Maybe that's the point. Weller wasn't objective, and he brought out the best in you. Maybe you can do that for Roman". And so the Queen has spoken: lack of objectivity = LOVEEEE, and love will set you free and all that jazz. But ugh Patterson I could kiss you rn (not like I would ever need much encouragement any other time, tho lol)

Okay if no kissing then could I at least write you a prescription for some better pain killers because I hate seeing you suffer like this (ugh Shepherd what sneaky thing did you do to my precious baby). At least the pain meds that she has-- while useless for the pain-- actually help her to crack the leopard clue. Wooo! Shame she had to get Nas involved, but at least she's telling Jane pretty much immediately. And because Patterson is a genius, she determines that the clue points towards a chick in some bikie gang, who is seen in a photo with none other than Roman. Guess we know what next ep is about!!  #exciting

Oh joy, an Allie and Weller scene. I was totally just thinking that this ep needed more of them (#not). But oh my goddddd he's been nesting, setting up a nursery and buying a crib with the highest safety rating and trying out colour swatches for the walls and oh my lord this is simultaneously the worst and the best thing bc 'excited prospective-dad Weller' is SO ADORABLE but the circumstances and partner are definitely... less than ideal, shall we say. Siiiiiiiigh. And then BAM Allie's suddenly moving to Colorado with Connor and Weller cares too much about her to ever even consider trying to get her to stay and so okay I see two options here: either the writers are trying to make us think Allie is going to be out of the picture, so when some Big Bad Thing happens involving her and the baby, it'll be an even bigger twist; or, she literally does move to Colorado and the show very occasionally mentions Weller's interstate baby in future seasons just so we don't start thinking that the whole storyline was just a really protracted, mass-shared bad dream. Since the second would just be embarrassingly bad screenwriting, I'm pretty much hoping for the first option...

Well, there it is. Happy Blindspot Day, and see you for the (hopefully much more punctual) next installment!