#Only like an hour and a half but it hits
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#Idk if I'm happy w this coloring but I've been editing it for weeks so I'm done#Nurse kenjaku#I love his playlist tho#Donttrustme is HIS SONG it makes me think of kenjaku every time#Only like an hour and a half but it hits#It might make more sense to manga readers but idk if that counts as a spoiler#Jjk character playlist#Kenjaku's aux#Colored manga#Jjk#Jujutsu kaisen#Nurse geto#I rly used to hate him but the manga makes me love everyone#Almost everyone
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it shall be cuboided soon
#just something fun and new for my little sad and tired brain tonight! not meant to be perfect#ULTRAKILL#v1 ultrakill#ultrakill v1#KRITA#ALL ART#FANDOM ART#DOODLE#TWO TONE#THE GEIGER COUNTER#SMALL CAPTION#TAG YAP#V1 NO!!!!! YOURE IN THE SHRINKING BOX !!!!!! FUCK IT CANT HEAR US IT HAS NOISE CANCELLATION ENGAGED /ref#GOD THIS. THIS FUCK. INSIGNIFICANT. IT WAS ONLY AN HOUR AND 1/2 BUT IT FELT LIKE IT TOOK ME 3 HOURS TO FINISH#kept changing stuff and then i wanted wings and then i wanted all arm variations and then i blanked out and woke up with this#i mean- i like it so i dont mind but i just was half concious halfway through this#BTW YES IT IS TRANS. I HIT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE WITH MY TRANSGENDER BLAST !!!!!!#i love my transgender blast beam#the moment i realised i had the trans beam right i started fucking utilising it at every moment#i get it now....... trans happiness..............#i finally fucking get it#anyways uhmmm#heavily inspired by dect/mothcpu#can you fucking see where i got lazy#its pretty easy to tell#also has anybody else had the deer anime intro song stuck in their head because of#the ultrakill rendition (my machine friend nikontan) of it#because i know i have#ITS NOT HEALTHY IN HERE#PLEASE GET ME OUT!!!! DEER HELL !!!!!
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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i haven’t even attempted a raphael fic yet and i literally have 3 cod fics i need to work on right now but i got hit with a deranged urge to write some weird psychosexual cannibalism thing with raphael & tav
#i don’t even have a clear or specific vision i was literally outside playing fetch with my dog#& i just got hit with the “’what if tav was squirming on his lap while he’s feeding her little bites from his plate & making her sample all#the wines he brought out from the cellar. & also there’s like an obnoxious amount of finger sucking & sloppy kissing#& just throwing cannibalism into the mix bc well… it’s raphael. he’s fucking psychotic so why not’#i have a 3 hour car ride tomorrow so… much to think about 🗿#quite frankly the only thing holding me back from writing for him is i fucking STRUGGLE trying to get the dialogue & way he speaks right#goofy ass with his stupid riddles & poetry 😒 i know he does talk relatively normal most of the time but he’s still got like…#a very distinct way of speaking & phrasing shit that i can’t quite capture yet#but we fuck it we ball#gonna for real make it a goal to finish sleazy car mechanic soap & then start whatever half baked raphael cannibalism idea#anyways ignore me i’m talking to myself bc i won’t actually do this unless i speak it into existence
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I would like to both thank and blame tumblr for the phrase "turn slow tigers into fast tigers with this one neat trick!" Like, I am grateful for it as a mnemonic that stuck that reminds me to go punch the punching bag* when I get too stressed out and can't function well from acute stress, but also I can no longer refer to it any other way because when I get that stressed I have trouble with words Which means today I was putting on my wrap gloves and my brother was looking at me like "what are you doing?" and all I could say was "turning slow tigers into fast tigers" *I think the original post was about taking a short run or tensing all your muscles and then releasing them? But my response to stress is very much not flight lol
#the person behind the yarn#it worked though!! and he's on tumblr so he knew what I meant#are they called wrap gloves? wrist wraps?? hand wraps???#the wraps like you'd wear under boxing gloves but in glove form themselves instead of a long strip of fabric#and with padding on the knuckles#back before I got sick I used to do what was pretty much MMA sparring#in that that was not the specific style we were learning but once a week we had sparring hour#and like half the people that came were MMA dudes#which also means I can say (I find this hilarious but my sister doesn't)#I have only been punched in the face by three people: a toddler. my sister. and a professional MMA fighter#that dude got SO MUCH GRIEF from the rest of the class for even barely hitting my face. it was hilarious#I was probably the youngest person in the sparring group by well over a decade they were super nice#today was my first time hitting the punching bag in like...8-9 months?#I stayed away from it while I was anemic because that seemed a bad idea#and it was great!!! my new meds meant I could use the punching bag for more than like two minutes at a time!#and it didn't skyrocket my heart rate!!! or at least not as badly!!!#so I think I will get back into using it more often
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Been thinking about my resident evil au but with one small amendum…
#yes I’m down horrendous leave me alone#BEHOLD. MY REAL TALENT: ONLY WORKING ON THE ONE THING IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON#anyway#ghost rider re7 au#robbie reyes#lisa (ghost rider)#my art#sketch#I had. a ton of fun drawing her like this. gonna do it more#aight it’s like half an hour past my bedtime if I don’t sleep immediately I’m gonna be hit with some quences#RE!lisa
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god i really have been posting way way less ever since i started taking meds for my physical conditions and made more friends
#in early 2021 i regularly hit post limit#which is‚ iirc‚ 250 posts#today i made/rbed. 9 posts#10 if you include this one#like my screentime is still high as shit (i spend a lot of time on discord and listening to music on yt)#but lately my time on tumblr has only been an hour and a half on average#captains orders#this isn't trying to be a brag or something btw#tumblr is my diary. im just jotting down my thoughts
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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i am plagued with thoughts about wlw k/allura… theyre so…
#i hit every character with the sapphic beam im sorry#its just what i do#anyways fem!keith is both demisexual and oblivious to any type of flirting so shes just like wow allura wants to be my friend#meanwhile allura is one failed courting attempt away from walking around with a sign that says PLEASE KISS ME#allura to coran: i don’t understand i have ised every courting technique i know but she hasn’t responded to any of them#keith to shiro: alluras such a good friend to me :) im glad we got over the half galra thing quickly i like being around her ^^#shiro is fem!keiths suffering bestie who is forced to listen to her talk about allura for an hour only for her to hit him with#“yeah i feel all warm when shes near… shes such a good friend <3”#wlw k/allura realness#<- tag in case im more ill about them than i thought
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(´･ᴗ･ ` )
#Alright lil blog update. Running the reblogs queue again tonight (yay!). Been procrastinating it for like? four months now?#I'm not going to fix the order anymore in a crazy pattern that only I can see. And like the point as always been#“it's only for myself‚ because I like seeing the posts all ordinately lined up ☺️”. But it does start being a problem when.#It actually blocks me from reblogging alltogether. Or makes me end up with 978 posts in the queue and 15584 in the drafts#(lol) (yeah)#Anyways had to write it down publicly because last time I said “screw it I'm not going to post in order anymore”#I lasted exactly one (1) day#Mmmmmmmmhhhhhhhh#I need to make space in the queue so I've set 20 posts in the night / morning for the time being.#Probably going to tag less because again. the posts are piling up. Sorry everyone#So like... After this string of disappointing (and possibly irrelevant?) updates. Feel free to unfollow me etc. etc.#(Mututals included? I really hold no bad feeling I know I post a lot. I don't care about mutualism if we're friends we're friends)#Have a nice day / night!!!#random rambles#Btw for anyone wondering my previous queue lineup was 4 fanarts / 2 other category posts / 4 fanarts / 2 other category posts etc.#(other category could be like. gifsets together. analysis together. textposts of approximately the same length together etc. )#And fanarts had to be coherent between each other for characters / composition / oftentimes color palette#Anyways. Winning over ocd today 💪💪#(I say as I didn't pick this month specifically because the second half of the year starts together with it. Anyways)#ManBreakingChainsMeme.png#Edit: Just remembered this all started because I accidentally hit shuffle queue two or three weeks ago#When it happened I had a mental breakdown and cried for two hours but looking back. Maybe it was really godsent
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taking an extra half an amfexa before I leave work bc [redacted] (popular artist) is playing my city tn and I'll need it to cope with how awful the traffics gonna be when I'm on the bus 💀
#thinking of that post abt the customwr who tried to pay for smth with a piece of paper that said $40 voucher on it#and the guys coworkers being like how are u so calm? and the op is like i went to the break room and took an extra adderall#NOT TO MENTION PPL ACTUALLT GOING TO THE CONCERT ON MY BUS.....theyre gonna be soooo annoying 😭😭😭😭#but i wont care ill be listening to the katamari damacy ost and reading dorohedoro v10 peace and love on planet earth#i hope i get a seat at least#ALSO NINTENDO DIRECT WHEN I GET HOOOOME YAYY#.diaries#its fine cuz i didnt take a dose at lunch since i wasn't crashing anyway.. its only rly hitting me now#i didnt have anything to do at work this afternoon so didnt need to be able to focus.. someone from qc was using equipment i needed to#so i had to move it to another day. was nice tho i gave a coworker some of my leftover brownies n we took an extra half hour break >:)#and then went and complained abt [artist] to another coworker bc hes not a fan either LOL#very productive day 😇#im gonna need the focus to be able to call my mum tonight tho.. amfexa save me save me amfexa#and im gonna go to bed even earlier. i somehow got 7.5 hours last night which is a rarity for me but still felt knackered when i got up#maybe like 9:30 tn and hopefully it wont take longer than an hour for me to fall asleep and i can aim for 8hrs🤞
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shouldnt you be making art for yourself vs other people? You art isn’t a commodity or a product, it’s self expression for yourself :(
It's also my job. And if nobody's interacting with it I'm broke af (like how I am rn with literally $20)
#I have another job where I get paid $100 a week.#but that's only given if my mom decides to take me to do it.#I have no reliable way out of home without my mom driving me#I live on 7 acres of land then once I get out of that I have to walk or run 2 almost 3 miles to town which would take an hour and a half fo#-me most likely#and there's the huge chance of me getting hit and killed by a car bc they are fucking nuts on McNealy
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I swear there’s some sort of time anomaly shenanigans going on after 3am because before 3am time progresses normally hour by hour but after 3am there is only 7am
#🎃 Cryptid sighting#I’m so looking forward to starting slightly earlier shifts next week#I’ve been working 4pm-12:30am (or later with frequent mandatory overtime at my previous job) for over a year & a half#So between the train ride home & getting dinner & getting ready for bed there’s no way I ever get to bed before 3am on work nights#And with few exceptions I always get hit with The Time Anomaly#It’s not even like I’m *doing* anything at that hour that I can’t walk away from & fling myself into bed#But it’s like my brain goes EXTRA time blind#And my post-work brain fog only starts to clear at 7 … sometimes 8 in the morning#Sure I’m a night owl but even for me this is excessive
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...So yeah turns out I was lying in the tags butch Bulkhead actually gave me inspiration for t-swag Breakdown??? Inspired entirely by big naturals (not that you can tell) I did this in like... 30 or 40 minutes??? Never doubt the power of a butch I learnt that!
Look at this and tell me he’s not canonically trans I swear to god (projecting)
#breakdown#tfp breakdown#transformers#tfp#humanformers#maccadam#fanart#okay okay so this is fucking insane because i have been suffering making a breakdown human design for at least a year#and i came up with this shit in half an hour and everytime i look at it i don't regret it once?#maybe i forgot a headband to put on this bitch like i did with bulk but like i'm not risking changing anything i've suffered too long#imagine this bitch has a headband and he's not wearing it at the moment#also might've forgotten the whole eyepatch thing but like i was looking at two eyed breakdown forgive me#the reason why butch bulk and t-swag breaky are a combo pair because bulk introduced break to butch life#(aka the bitches are exes and our bi king found immense euphoria in being he/him he didn't notice the swag)#then plagued with both paranoia and dysphoria only really came out to bulkhead because he deserved to know#while bulkhead wasn't into guys he was at least still friendly with breakdown but like#unmedicated breakdown is utterly fucking terrified about being outed and it's really just that refusal to get help and stuff#that drives breakdown away and idk maybe bulkhead assumed he was way too jumpy to not be hiding something else#turn to con- get hit- go through transition etc because breaky gets idk either anti-anxiety or anti-psychotic (paranoia baby 😎✌)#bulkhead and breakdown meet again and it's like 'congratulations on transitioning' and literally still fighting like a bot and con would#and wheeljack who is also butch is unaware that breakdown pre and post are the same person so it's like#'remember that scout you used to date' *simultaneously* bulk: 'she's dead' break: 'she's my sister'#wheeljack: '...oh yeah i can see why you hate each other' and just gets on with it#confused euphoria and like 'i know this makes you happy so congrats but like also i don't like you that much' dynamic#yeah-
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The good news is my smart typewriter arrived, the bad news is its battery is deceased
#basically i tried to turn it on right out of the box and it did not respond at all#so i put it on charge and left it for like 10 minutes; at which point it did turn right on when i pressed the power button#i did the quick start stuff and postbox works fine; send to email works fine; all the keys seem to work and it did a firmware update#which fixed the tiny bit of lag the screen had at first#i’m constantly hitting the wrong keys but i do that on any keyboard til i’m used to it. it’s a nice keyboard#the only thing is when i checked how charging was going just now; the battery percentage was still showing 1%. 🧐#it’s been charging for well over an hour and a half#i did a restart and switched to what i think is an optimal charger#(i.e. the usb cable that came with the device + the usb-c wall plug that came with my ipad#not the charging lead for my earbuds + a random wonky samsung plug which is what i was using before)#i’m also going to fully stop bothering it until probably like late in the evening at minimum#i SHOULD be working technically#in my defence i didn’t expect it to arrive so soon. tracking never updated so i thought it was stuck at a random international depot#when actually it made it to heathrow like 2 days ago#look i’m just going to try and count my blessings that everything aside from the battery is working beautifully right now#and if i was a lithium battery left in transit for like 10 days i’d probably die too#worst case scenario i’m just going to have to exclusively use the thing while it’s plugged in. and it has a long cable.. i’ll be fine#personal
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woke up still inebriated but alas this d&d backstory won't write itself
#[static]#these edibles are so hit or miss and i only ever take half#like am i gonna be high for 4 hours or 16 we will never know#i gave todays shift to a coworker so i could have a day to myself and im so glad for it#cuz im Unwell rn lmao stressed from last week and the winter in general but trying to be normal
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