#Once again I have no idea what I'm posting

[themaveriqueagenda]

this is really interesting! though parts of it seem slightly contradictory, because there's this

please apply them at will to yourself based on your own ideas about what it means to dress femininely or dramatically or androgynously etc.

but also this:

describing [...] a presentation others might consider masculine/feminine

is it up to one's own interpretation or about how others see you? particularly as an apothibinary person i have a lot of trouble taking on other people's perceptions of me as a self-descriptor, because they're usually binary(-adjacent). i'm also flat out just not going to give people power over my words like that. (i'm not saying that anyone who identifies as masc/fem because that's how others perceive them is wrong btw. i know many do it for simplicity as well as for self-empowerment. i just personally cannot.)

i also take issue with the

masc---fem scale

because if we can acknowledge that the gender spectrum itself isn't linear like that, we must acknowledge this about the spectrum of gender presentation too. you can be outside of the masc---fem scale or you can just simply not label your gender presentation at all.

another thing that feels a little off to me is that fox is described as an

androgynous, fluid, or combined presentation

while also being described as

[not resembling] the other sides of the spectrum

that latter definition is actually broader than androgynous, fluid or combined, as it does technically also include anything outside of that scale or nothing at all, but it's not truly accounting for that.

i'm aware the chart exists mainly for lighthearted silliness, but also you can say that masculinity and femininity are up to interpretation all you want, the chart is once again very stereotypical and doesn't really leave wiggle room for people with broader definitions of masculinity, femininity or androgyny. for example, i sometimes like wearing dresses which most would consider swan/feminine, but i feel deeply uncomfortable calling myself or my dresses feminine or swan (because let's be real, swan here is just another word for feminine).

i know this post is over 7 years old so how we talk about nonbinary presentation has evolved a bit. i'd be curious if anyone ever expanded on these terms to account for other gender presentations.

nonetheless, if i had to put myself on that scale, i'd probably be a crow-fox, because not resembling the other sides is the most how i conceptualise my gender presentation.

however, at this point, i don't really use any gender presentation terms, not even maverine or other outherine terms, because i no longer find them personally helpful to me. i could dress in exclusively skirts and dresses and i would still not consider my gender presentation feminine because i consider that to be misgendering. most people would perceive me as feminine though if i did that, so at that point, i wouldn't really be communicating anything if i called my presentation maverine when everyone else sees someone feminine. at this point, my gender presentation is synonymous with my gender. i'm maverique, so everything i wear is also maverique.

hopefully other people can get more use of this spectrum though and i'd be curious where all the maveriques & friends fall on this.

Non-binary Presentation Terms

Although words like butch, femme, masc, and fem have been applied to nonbinary folk since their inception, they don’t always meet the needs of non-binary people in comfortably describing the way we look. 

So here are a new additional set of options! We’ve considered two different “axes” here – one that relates most closely to the masc—fem scale, and one that considers “effort”, or a level of… drama or ostentation in a look. They can be combined as one pleases or used individually! 

Additionally, please apply them at will to yourself based on your own ideas about what it means to dress femininely or dramatically or androgynously etc. These words are not to be held hostage to cissexism or gender roles. These words also describe presentations that are inherently not binary – the only reason we’re using words like “masculine” and “feminine” to describe them at all is for ease of communication. They can and should describe particular looks, including those that people are inclined to gender, without actually gendering them. 

Note: These are not coined with the intention of being gender identities. They have nothing inherently to do with gender identity. You can be a demigirl stag, etc. (That said, if someone wants to use them as a gender because you feel it’s tied closely to your presentation, we’re certainly not stopping you.) 

Here they are!

Stag: A “masc”, “butch” or “tomcat” equivalent, describing a presentation one considers to be associated with ideas about masculinity, or a presentation others might consider masculine. 

Fox: Describing an androgynous, fluid, or combined presentation; can be applied to any presentation a person feels doesn’t resemble the other sides of the spectrum.  

Swan: A “femme/fem” or “doe” equivalent, describing a presentation one considers to be associated with ideas about femininity, or a presentation others might consider feminine. 

Sparrow: A casual, minimalist, muted or low-effort presentation. For example, for those folks who just roll through their closet and go. 

Crow: For presentations that are in-between, combined, or fluid along a scale of effort/ostentation. 

Peacock: For presentations that are high effort. Glam, dramatic, flashy, flamboyant, attention-drawing, etc. Dressed to the nines, so to speak! 

so anyway tag urself

(chart meant purely to be silly and fun, not to suggest actual criteria or associations. Disregard entirely if you resonate with the terms but not these goofy tidbits.)

Keep reading

[tkwrites]

Soft Launch; Hard Launch - Quinn Hughes x ofc

gif from @kawhh

Title: Soft Launch; Hard Launch: A 500 Follower Celly

Author: Tory / @tkwrites 

Relationship: Quinn Hughes x Sarah Roberts (ofc) 

Warnings: Though most of this is fluff, there is a really nasty comment left on a social media post and mentions of poor self body image.

Summary: 4 times Quinn soft launched his relationship with Sarah, and one time he did it for real.

Word Count: 2,900

Comments: The idea of writing a 4+1 fic for my 500 mark has been rolling around my head for a while, so when I hit 500 followers about a week ago, I thought I'd try my hand at it. Many thanks to @aloragrace and @captainlexaproluvr for looking over this piece and calming my fears about doing new things. I’ve never written in this format before, but I quite like the way this turned out.  I’d love to know what you think!

I'm just bowled over and so excited! Thank you all so much. Knowing people enjoy my writing has been so fulfilling to me. I’ve wanted to write since I was about thirteen, but never had the guts to publish anything for people other than my friends to read. Now that I have and know that people like it, it feels a bit like I’m giving my little inner awkward teenager the best gift she could ever ask for. Thank you for your encouragement, kindness, and support! I can’t tell you how much it means to me.  

If you did enjoy this Snapshot, please let me know by commenting, reblogging, or sending in an ask. Your encouragement and comments truly inspire me to keep writing. 

Soft Launch; Hard Launch: A 500 Follower Celly

A Quinn & Sarah Snapshot 

1.

The first time Quinn put Sarah on his social media was after they got home from the family reunion. The Monday after she left, he was looking back through his photos while he waited for her to get off work. He found one from their beach day he’d completely forgotten he’d taken. Sarah was kneeling over a tide pool with a few of his cousins, pointing to something in the water, while they looked into her face with rapt attention.

Even though her face was mostly hidden from view, she looked beautiful in that casual way he loved so much. Her hair was up in a bun, and she was wearing a pair of denim shorts along with her orange swim top.

Do you mind if I put this on my stories? he asked later that night, once she'd texted that she’d arrived home safely and would call as soon as she changed.

“I don’t mind,” she told him after they said their initial hellos, caught up on each other's day, and he asked again. “I’m a little surprised this is the first photo you want to go with,” she admitted. 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know. I thought maybe you’d want to go with something more…” she trailed off, unsure exactly how to phrase what she was thinking. She’d only glanced at it, but from what she remembered, the photo wasn’t anything special. It was from the tide pools, and though it fulfilled the mission of showing her without showing her whole face, she didn’t look excessively beautiful or anything. In fact, the first thing she’d zeroed in on were her stomach rolls. Echoes of girls calling her too fat to be with NHL superstar Quinn Hughes rang in her mind. 

“I like it,” he defended before she could find the right words or slide down the slippery slope of body image woes. “You’re doing what you love.” 

It melted something in her that he looked at that photo and saw her passion. “That’s really sweet, Quinn.” 

“So it’s okay?” 

How could she say no now? “Yeah. It’s okay.”  She reminded herself she wouldn’t see any of the things people were saying about her unless she sought them out, which she had no intention of doing.

He put it up with nothing more than an orange heart in the corner as soon as they hung up from the FaceTime call.

Less than a minute later, Eunice raced into Sarah's room. She was so overly excited, she ran into the door jam, bouncing off of it before regaining her balance. She thrust her phone into Sarah's face. “Quinn put you on his stories!” 

Glancing at the screen, Sarah smiled. “Yeah, he just asked me if he could put that photo up.”

“Oh my god. This is so dreamy,” she gushed, turning the phone back around to look at the picture again. “You look so pretty.” 

2.

The second soft launch was on his main feed at the end of the summer, though he still didn’t show her face.

It wasn’t until they got home from Hawaii and all shared their photos that Quinn realized just how many pictures his mom had taken. He was used to her snapping pictures of them - it was a very common occurrence to look around at any given moment, especially on vacation, to find her brandishing a camera to document everything she could.

He’d never appreciated it more until he was looking through the shared album and saw all the moments his mom caught. There were photos of him and his brothers and him and Sarah once she got there. There was even a video of his and Luke’s shock at their girlfriends’ arrival.  

His favorite picture she took was from the beach outside of their vacation rental. Anxious for a quiet moment together, Sarah pulled him outside to watch the sun set.

The rest of the family was inside, debating something about dinner. They had been on a kayak and hiking tour that day, and he was so tired, he was beyond caring. As long as some kind of food was provided, he’d be fine.  

His mom must have walked out onto the back porch to snap the photo. 

 The sun, sinking into the ocean in front of them, turned them into shadow as Sarah leaned her head on his shoulder. It was the kind of photo people put in vacation advertisements, and when he’d seen it, he knew it had to be included in his end of summer review.

He uploaded it with a carousel of six other photos before captioning the post, One for the books. 

After receiving sixty notifications in the first five minutes, most of them from people he didn’t know asking who the girl in the 5th photo was, he muted the app.

It wasn’t until he looked at the comments that evening and saw, I think this must be that fat bitch he was dating during the season. I was hoping they’d broken up since he didn’t stay in Vancouver this summer and she did, that he disabled comments all together.

He’d been so angry that someone who didn’t know either of them would say anything like that, he had drafted a reply before realizing he was about to engage in a reactionary argument with someone he didn't even know or have any emotional ties to. He wanted to correct them, but knew he should really get PR help to do that. 

When they talked about social media for the first time in their relationship, Sarah explained how the comments from these so-called fans made her feel. Even though she knew they didn’t know her as a person and didn’t have any place in their relationship or lives, it was difficult not to let them get to her. 

He knew the feeling well. He’d gone through the same thing when he accepted the captaincy. The pressure to perform had been so immense, it had turned him into a snappy, short-fused, irritable person until, at the advice of some other captains in the league, he started putting his phone down regularly. 

3. 

The third came when it was his turn to sit for a 32 Thoughts podcast episode with Elliott and Kyle, and they were shooting the breeze before the actual interview began. 

“We missed you at dinner,” Elliott said, referencing a banquet that the league had hosted the night before for all players and press on site for the whirlwind pre-season media tour.

Without really thinking about it, Quinn found himself explaining, “my girlfriend's family lives here, so Jack and I had dinner with them last night.”

“She's not here?” Elliott asked. 

“No, she has stuff going on back home so she couldn't be, but it was nice to see them.” Some players brought family to the media tour, but not many. It was a short stint, shorter than most road trips during the season, so most didn’t bother.

Their producer, Shanna, flashed a red light, letting them know it was time to start the formal interview. Kyle counted down, “three two and one,” before introducing Quinn and starting with the questions. 

At the end of the recording, both Elliott and Shanna asked if he wanted them to cut his talk about his girlfriend and her family from the episode. Usually, they left those anecdotal conversations in, especially on the youtube videos, but this one was a bit more nuanced. 

“I think it should be fine, but can I talk to her about it and get back to you?” 

“Of course,” Shanna said, smiling. “It’s not slated to go up for a few weeks, so just let us know by the 17th.”

When he'd asked Sarah about it that night after arriving home, she seemed unconcerned. 

“I think that's kind of up to you.” She knew from their FaceTime conversation the night before that Quinn, Jack and their agent had eaten at Rachel's house, so there was no risk of someone posting photos and making the connection they were with her family.  

“I mean, people have been speculating you have a girlfriend, right?” she asked. 

“Yeah.” It was more than speculation at this point - most people knew he had someone. They just didn’t know who she was. 

“And people who found my instagram already know I’m from Nevada, so I don’t really see what the worry is.” 

He’d expected her to be more worried about it, but now that she was responding to him with cool logic, he had to admit she had a point. 

The next day, he messaged Elliott along with his agent to let them know they could keep the anecdote in the recording. 

When it hit the airwaves, Sarah purposefully didn’t check any of the messages Eunice sent her for a few days. Eunice had taken it upon herself, and continued at Sarah’s request, to report big gossip to her so Sarah wasn’t tempted to go on the blogs or fan accounts. 

Most responses were sort of victorious bragging, posting about connections with Sarah’s instagram “about me” section where she talked about being from Nevada, feeling that this interview proved them right. 

4. 

The fourth time wasn’t planned. 

When Quinn got home from their first regular season road trip, the apartment was dark. It was past two in the morning, and Sarah had a therapy appointment at eight, so she hadn't waited up for him. 

In his trek through the apartment, he paused by the dining room table. Until Sarah moved in, walking into the apartment after a road trip was often the worst part of the whole thing. He was always glad to be back in his own bed, but nothing seemed to exasperate his singleness more than coming home. Not only was he going from being surrounded by the team to being totally alone, he was coming home to an empty house. The combination of the two felt stiflingly lonely.

The mess of textbooks, highlighters, and notebooks left out on the dining room table was such proof of someone else living in the house, it made his chest feel full. 

In a spur of the moment act, he snapped a picture of the dimly lit chaos and posted it to his Instagram stories. No caption, no explanation. Just the simple proof that he wasn't alone.  

“Why did you put a picture of my books on your instagram?” she asked the next day after getting home from her appointment. 

He shrugged, “I liked it.”

The season before, anytime she would study at his house, she would clean everything up, organizing it all back into her bag before going home or coming to bed. 

Now, her books often stayed out on the dining room table on weekends. He offered to convert one of the spare bedrooms into an office for her, or let her use the office he had a computer in now, but she turned him down. 

“I like studying out here,” she'd said, glancing up to look out of the windows. “If it bothers you, I can put everything away.” 

“It doesn't bother me,” he'd said, leaning down to kiss her temple. “I just want you to be comfortable here.” 

She had beamed at him and turned her head to brush her mouth over his. 

5. 

Quinn waited until the one year anniversary of the day he and Sarah met to officially announce their relationship. 

He knew by that time that they could go the distance. He'd seen her through every month and every season and saw no major red flags. Not to mention the fact that everyone in his life liked her, and her family and friends seemed to like him.

Over the course of the year, he'd moved pictures he liked of Sarah and pictures he liked of them together into a favorites album he simply called S. So, in late January, he put together a post and sent it to his PR rep to look over. After they sent it back with some edits, he showed it to Sarah. 

Sarah, who for her part, knew this was coming but wasn’t quite sure what to expect, was taken a bit off guard. She knew Quinn read a lot and was thoughtful with his words, but reading his simple summary of their relationship made her melt. 

He’d included 5 pictures of her that were interspersed with 5 pictures of them together. The first photo was that perfect, golden hour sunset selfie. The rest were all photos she knew he loved. She’d seen some of them, and some of them, she hadn’t. There was a candid shot of her laughing with Jack and Luke that she hadn’t seen before as well as a picture she never knew he’d taken of her sitting at the dining room table with her laptop, looking pensively at the screen, fingers poised to type. There was the photo of them in front of their Christmas tree, and one of them laughing so hard, they were falling all over each other on a beach in Hawaii.

Under the photos, he’d simply written, The best year. and tagged her in the final photo - the dreamy picture Kaitlyn had taken of them under the mistletoe. 

“Quinn,” she breathed, looking up to find him smiling expectantly at her.

“You like it?” he asked. 

“I really like it,” she said, fighting back the tears that pushed at her eyes. 

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?”

He was ready for the world to know that not only was he taken, he was taken with her, and not afraid to say it, but he knew it would likely open up another door of criticism she’d never been exposed to before. 

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “I’m ready.” 

The fact that Quinn wanted the world to know, without a doubt, that she was the one he was with made her heart race. 

They didn’t have to hide anymore. To her, it was the last, final cementing block in their relationship. It spoke of his faith in their future and his dedication to staying with her. He wouldn't put it out for the world to see if he had any doubts. 

He posted it right before practice two days later so he could work the anxiety of it off. 

When he got back to his locker an hour and a half later, he had 1,654 likes and over 200 comments. At first glance, they all seemed positive. Not that what random strangers thought of him meant much, but it was nice to know his fans were happy he was happy. 

Bonus scene: 

On the afternoon of the anniversary of their one year of meeting, Reece stopped Sarah as she walked into the building after work.

“I’ve got a delivery for you, Ms. Roberts,” he said, walking with her over to the security desk. 

Before he’d even picked them up, Sarah knew it must be the large bouquet of flowers that were an absolute riot of color - purple and yellow, red and pink, white and green. 

Quinn was out of town - playing in Toronto at that very moment, in fact - and she knew he must have sent them in place of being there in person. 

“Thank you, Reece,” she said, accepting the flowers and a card from him before heading upstairs. 

Trying to manage the vase, card, and her school bag, as well as press the button in the elevator, resulted in her accidentally slopping a large amount of water down her front. Thankfully, the large bouquet hid the spill from anyone else in the elevator, and she was the only one to get off on the top floor. Upon entering the apartment, she set the vase and card on the bar and went straight up to change. 

It wasn’t until she wandered down to make dinner during the second intermission and saw the bright flowers that she remembered the card. 

Her full name was on the envelope in someone else’s writing, and the front of the card was completely blank, so when she flipped it open, she was surprised to find Quinn’s handwriting filling most of it. 

It’s been one year since I took refuge in the aquarium, only to stumble upon a beautiful woman giving a talk about octopus and took the chance to ask her out. Back then, I just thought she was one of the most beautiful people I’d ever seen. Now I know that not only is she beautiful, she’s smart, kind, supportive and so driven she inspires me to do better. I don’t like to think what my life would be like if she’d turned down my offer for lunch, or I didn’t get up the guts to talk to her. This time with her has been a whirlwind and the best year of my life. 

I wrote this for the caption of the post that went up today, then realized the only person I really wanted to read it was you. 

Happy one year of meeting, Sarah. I’m so glad you took a chance and went out with me even though I was more than a little awkward. 

I love you. 

Love, 

Quinn 

Moved to tears by his thoughtful words, Sarah snapped a picture of the flowers to put up on her stories, adding the caption, Love you, @_quinnhughes, before texting him.

I love you. I can’t believe it’s been a year. Here’s to a million more.

Want more Quinn & Sarah? Check out the Snapshots Masterlist

To read all my fics, check out the Fanfiction Masterlist

[mochiwonz]

─── JEALOUSY ୨୧

PAIRING. idol fem!reader x idol bf!enhypen maknae line CONTENT. headcanons , fluff <3 , petnames + nicknames , cursing NOTE. thank u to the anon who requested this cute idea :D i hope u all enjoyyy !!

[ 💬 ] ... ️ in which fans start shipping you with another idol !

SUNOO.

you're scrolling on twitter, as you would every other day. as an idol, you loved seeing what people had to say about you— whether it be negative or positive. unbeknownst to you, sunoo had also been scrolling on twitter and saw something on his timeline that he really didn't like, at all. it was a post about you allegedly being in a relationship with another male idol. and shit, he never thought he'd be a jealous boyfriend, but he definitely is now. you're startled by the sound of your bedroom door opening— you were the only one home right now... right? you quickly assumed it was one of your members until you heard the person's voice, it was sunoo. "hi pretty girl" he says as he plops down on the side of your bed. you quickly sit up and shuffle over to him, and he engulfs you in a warm hug— the sunoo special. "hi pretty boy" you say, giggling a little. as he kisses the top of your head, you hear him gulp. "have you seen the uhm... rumors? about you and ____?" he asks with a slight frown on his face. you quickly sit up and look at him, you were very confused right now. "someone is spreading rumors about me and ____? on where?" "twitter" he replies, hand brushing through his silky hair. you notice how his demeanor is a bit gloomy, and you kind-of think you have an idea as to why. you bring your hands to cup his face and gently move his face so that he's looking right at you. "sun, you don't have to be jealous. you know that i don't even know the guy— and that i love you like crazy, right?" you tell him in a firm yet gentle tone of voice, and he can't help but smile. you knew him so well, and just everything about you, god, he loves you so much. "how'd you know i was jealous..." he mumbles and you quickly squish his cheek— something you loved doing. "i'm your girlfriend baby" you say as you peck him on the nose. without another second wasted, he quickly pulls you closer and once again, engulfs you in his embrace. "indeed you are, pretty girl"

JUNGWON.

jungwon had always told you he wasn't a jealous person. that was the truth, though. well, until rumors about you and ____ started circulating all over social media. and what made it worse for jungwon was how fans were really liking you two together. he had never felt jealousy before, at least not like this. of course he trusted you, but just seeing you even pictured with another man as a "cute couple" really didn't sit well with him. "have you seen the rumors?" he blurts out randomly as you two are lying down together on his bed, his arm wrapped around your waist. "mhm" you reply. of course you'd seen it, but you didn't really care. you didn't even know ____, and as long as you knew the truth— you didn't care. "what do you think about it?" he asks curiously. "nothing, really. i don't even know the guy" "okay, cool" he says, but there's something different in his tone of voice. he sounds... nervous, almost a little bit jealous. he hears you giggle to yourself and he shifts nervously. he trusted you, of course— but all your giggling made him a teeny bit suspicious. but before he could question you, you quickly position yourself so that you're facing him and intertwine your guy's hands. "wonnie, you know i'm your girlfriend, right? these are just rumors baby" you tell him while looking him in the eyes, his pretty boba eyes were always so pretty to stare at. he was just so cute, you'd never want to be with anyone else other than him. you wanted him to know that. this was the first time you'd seen jungwon like this, unsure, nervous, and jealous. "it just frustrates me a little" he starts off, "i wish i could just tell everyone that you're my girlfriend so they could shut the fuck up" he says with complete honesty, and you laugh. he brings his hand up to your cheek and caresses it with his thumb, staring at you with complete heart eyes. "i'd only ever feel like this for you baby. i didn't even know i could be somewhat jealous. guess it's the y/n effect" you lean into his hand and melt a little at his words. "i love you so much my wonnie" you say, and he gives you a cute peck on the lips. "i love you too, my pretty y/n."

NI-KI.

you and ni-ki had been caught on many dates by sasaengs and others, but were always labeled as friends. the public just thought you two gave off friend vibes, and considered every date as a friendly hang out. as long as you two weren't being showered in negative comments, you both didn't mind. however, a post that was titled ' idol y/n and idol ____ are caught on a date ' had caught ni-ki's attention. he was never that protective over you, let alone jealous. he trusted you 110% and vice versa. but halfway through reading the article, he had to exit out of the tab. but honestly, he felt really jealous right now. not that he didn't trust you, but that fans thought that you and ____ were dating and just assumed that you and ni-ki were just friends. there were already so many posts on tiktok, instagram, twitter, and youtube about you and ____ supposed relationship and how "cute" you two were together. he had to get off of social media, people were starting to piss him off. luckily, you both didn't have schedules today— so you had already planned to go over to his dorm. he didn't realize you were already on the way until he heard a knock at the front door. quickly realizing that it was you, he sprung up out of his bed and rushed to the front door. he really wanted, no— he needed to see you. the door quickly swung open and before you could even blink, he was already hugging you, arms tightly wrapped around your waist. "ki—" you're about to say something but he quickly cuts you off. "princess, you're my girl, yeah?" he asks and the jealousy is obvious. "you're jealous aren't you" you ask, teasing him a little. he looks down at you and boops your nose. he loves the way you look up at him, he realized he couldn't bear to see you with another man. "and if i am?" you giggle at his truthful response, he could never hide his emotions from you— but that's what made him even more perfect for you. "you cutie, of course i'm your girl. those rumors are baseless and trust me, the photoshop goes crazy" you tell him, laughing towards the end of your statement. he smiles at your assuring words, yeah— he wouldn't be able to let go of you, ever. you were his girl, and his girl only.

please like, reblog, and comment if u enjoyed :3 u can find my other works here !

© mochiwonz ― all rights reserved. do not copy, steal, or translate my work.

[fict1onallyobsessed]

Just watched act 1 and I'm actually feral for Sevika. Like omg what?! How is she so hot?! Anyway I've had this idea of sharing a smoke with her. Specially shotgunning. Um. Yeah. Anyway maybe that would turn into something a bit more - NSFW should we say. Definitely biting. You know what I'm talking about lol anyway this isn't a lot to work with I know.. I just saw your post asking for Sevika requests so I figured I'd pop in

Sevika x F!Reader 18+

Her lungs burnt as she inhaled her cigar, watching you fix her arm for the hundredth time this week. Your eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, screwdriver carefully pulling out the broken metal parts in her arm, clinking in the silence.

She could feel your frustration before she even entered your little mechanic shop. People were being more demanding for fixes as Zaun practically relied on prosthetic limbs, and you were rated the best one for the job. Sometimes you felt like a pawn; people didn't even pay that well. You might have to think of increasing the prices...

"You think too much."

You sighed, looking up at your girlfriend who huffed out smoke through her nose. She knew you were busy, and a part of her felt bad last time you stayed late to fix her arm, so she tried really hard to keep it in a manageable state for longer than usual.

Heavy on tried.

"You should learn how to fight." You snapped back playfully, looking back down at the arm for the final few fixes. The arm hissed and popped once, finally being fully functional again. "Even Ran doesn't come in this often. Might have to start charging you."

Sevika scoffed as she watched you stand up to toss your tools onto your very littered desk, your hands coming up to wipe your tired face.

"You're processor is fried. I'll make you a new one soon, but this one should hold up if you can hold off fighting for a few days."

She was listening but all she could focus on is how exhausted your eyes looked. She asked if you were done for the day, if you wanted to go home but you were already backlogged for weeks with new projects and fixes. You politely declined, walking over to her again and taking the cigar from her lips only to put it in your own mouth.

Sevika didn't flinch. It was something you did often, especially on nights where you needed something to keep you awake for a little longer.

Sevika sat on the small couch, looking up at you as you inhaled, smoke escaping your nose before you even got to exhale. She thought for a moment, then grabbed the back on your thighs and pulled you to straddle her.

"'Vika, I need to get-"

"To work. I know." She casually said, taking the cigar from your hands and inhaling deeply herself. Her eyes remained on yours while her hand reached up to grip the back of your neck, pulling you up to her lips.

For a second you thought she was going to kiss you, like she did always in thanks when you fix her up. But instead, she stopped you right before her face, hand now moving to open your mouth with her thumb. Then she exhaled.

You felt dizzy. You had smoked plenty of times, and since meeting Sevika you smoked plenty more. But this was so intoxicating it felt better than any cigarette you've ever tried.

You relaxed on her lap, sinking onto her as you tried to breathe normally. Her mechanic hand held your waist, the other firmly on your jaw to keep it open against her mouth. Just as the smoke began to fade, she pulled you fully against her, lips clashing together in a kiss.

You pulled away only when you felt you couldn't breathe, both of your chests rising and falling as you stared down at Sevika, her pupils blown wide, devouring you.

Work could wait.

You grabbed the cigar back, inhaling so deeply you felt your throat close up momentarily. Still, you leaned down and grabbed her jaw while her hands fell to your hips, gripping tightly to pull you even closer.

You exhaled the smoke as slowly as you could, relishing in the moment for a while before the smoke faded again. You wasted no time in kissing her again, a slight moan escaping your lips and into her mouth. You could taste the smoke in her mouth but it only seemed to rile you up more.

Your hips bucked, unintentionally, and you felt Sevika smirk into the kiss.

"That's all it takes to get you going?" Sevika teased. You replied with a breathy and rushed 'shut up' before going back to her lips, rocking your hips more now she was aware of your intentions. Her grip on you tightened, moving you so that you were straddling one of her thighs.

You really tried to keep your groans in, but the way your clit was grinding against the inside of your jeans. Fuck.

"Fuck. Do it again." You lifted the cigar to her lips, making her inhale it and letting her grab your jaw once more, shot gunning the smoke right into your mouth. You tried to breathe steadily, but her hand made you grind on her thigh more.

"So fucking pretty. Barely touched you and you're gonna cum already?"

You were so fucking close, a whine leaving your lips as you hid your face in the crook of her neck. She could feel the small puffs of air you breathed, trying to maintain some kind of control. Your teeth nipped at her skin, her own composure slowly failing.

You huffed when she accidentally made a sound when you bit into her neck. Your hips stuttered and bucked uncontrollably as you came, lips remaining at her skin until you were stable enough to pull away.

"That's all it takes to get you going?" You teased, mocking her words as angry red marks appeared on her neck. She was flushed and panting, your hips still held by her hands. She smirked, kissing you again before standing up and making you stand on your wobbly legs.

"Home. Now."

[neciebee]

This drabble is only vaguely tangential to the prompt, but that's what prompts are for. Right? Right?

First time posting a drabble. I'm overstimulated again and I punched this out to quell my roiling brain. No idea how long it is, I just made words go after, before, or between other words. Hounds are involved.

The bond between a smokehound and its master is immutable once formed. Fae and beast hunted with one mind, one heart, one soul. They shared their meals, their spaces, their lives. Smokehounds were so rare, many believed them a myth. To have been chosen by one of these ethereal entities was to have been blessed by the Mother.

When Eris first found the tiny wisp of a whelp, he knew his future would be vastly different from what he had previously planned. There was no other sound in the forest; not even the whisper of winds through leaves red as his hair disturbed this poignant moment. It was as though the land of Autumn held its breath for the Heir to accept his Companion. There had not been a smokehound in the Royal Court for millennia. The last was the legendary Cerberus, who - with his High Lord master - oversaw four hundred years of smouldering peace.

Nowadays, all known bonded smokehounds accompanied so-called 'lesser fae' - creatures so in tune with nature that one might think they were avatars of the forests, fields, and fjords. Rarely heard and never seen, the faefolk and their elemental beasts stewarded the most magic-imbued enclaves of the Autumn Realm. Smokehounds were thoroughly Autumn, and they elected their masters as such.

Eris held the tiny creature to his heart, appreciating the enormity of his gift from the Mother. Autumn had chosen him.

~

The second smokehound was no more of a surprise than the first. Though bony and lean, the wild, savage hound took down a puca that Eris and Artaban had been tracking through the forest. At first, the Heir thought the animal a manifestation of illusory puca magic. When the hound laid the carcass at his feet and its intelligent eyes met his, he knew he had been granted an unprecedented second blessing.

The Court was in uproar when he attended the throne room with both hounds in tow. Not even his High Lord father, Beron, could say a word against the holy union between the Autumn Heir and the Autumn Protectors. The Mother will do as she Wills.

~

Five centuries since he laid eyes on his first pup, he was called before the throne. Nine hounds shadowed his steps in refined formation. He approached his father, High Lord of Autumn, and graciously bent to one knee.

"Eris," spoke the High Lord in a high, snide tone. "Eris, Eris, Eris. It seems you are more mutt than prince these days." He surveyed the assemblage coldly, though Eris could taste the undercurrent of jealousy in his words. Autumn had not bestowed its High Lord many favours throughout the centuries, and he was loath to wonder why.

"I assure you, Lord Father, that every last one of my hounds has the purest power of Autumn's Holy Protectors." Each of his nine hunters had come to him as an evocation of Autumn's old magic, chosen as a custodian of the Kingdom of Fall and Flame.

"I would not begrudge you Artaban, nor even Bellamy - though plural bonding is unprecedented. The Mother has deemed you a dog, and a dog must have his pack. But capturing nine mutts is vulgar! You are flaunting your avarice before Nature and the Gods!"

Eris smoothed one hand down Artaban's sleek crown. His first hound was the most devoted, the most protective, the most vicious. "Until I stop encountering Autumn Vitae in need of their true master, I will be taking care of my twelve hounds."

Beron shot from his throne, nearly tumbling down the dais. "HOW DO YOU ALREADY HAVE THREE MORE? WHERE ARE THEY?" His puce visage became mottled with anger... and fear.

The picture in Eris mind coalesced upon the three new additions to his pack. No... four. Wagging tails and wet snouts overcame the gleeful grasping of scarred hands. Eyes of hazel lit up with elation as they beheld the infantile howling of unweaned, furry beans. Fat, stubby paws padded unforgivingly over the sensitive membranes of Illyrian wings. The sounds from the shadowsinger's throat would either end him, or fuel him for countless eons.

Eris raised his hands in a signal to his pack of loyal and lethal hounds. "The pups are with my mate," he said plainly, as nine shadowhounds tore Autumn's Menace apart.

~

@chunkypossum @mistandmemories @the-darkestminds @jules-writes-stories @shadowsandlint @secret-third-thing @pippsmcgee @astro-h0e-4azris @buffy-vanserra @brunetterebel010 @g00seg1rl @born-to-riot @acourtofladydeath @iftheshoef1tz @mudandmire @fieldofdaisiies @murphbees @nus4y @areyoudreaminof @greenvelvetcouture @fourteentrout @packdontendwithblood @aurorasleeps-27 @buffy-vanserra @queercontrarian @amarillis39 @climbthemountain2020 @a-novel-idealist @talibunny30 @ysmtttty @jolenes-library @molcat07 @hnyclover @catboyjamesbond @yanny-77

"you know you are only supposed to have 1 apprentice maybe 2 not 15." said the wizard council member "well until people stop leaving surprisingly powerful orphans at my doorstep I'll be taking care of my 17 apprentices." The council member snapped their wand "WHERE DID YOU GET 3 MORE!"

[salemssimblr]

My Top 24 Screenshots Renders of 2024!

I was tagged by the so many lovely mutuals and creators! Thank you @elderwisp, @savagemagician3, @sikoi, @blvckentropy, @mosneakers, & @azeterna! I love yall so much!

I'm so sorry, despite my very best efforts I couldn't choose just 24, so have 30 instead 😅

Looking at all these together, I'm worried I may have plateau'd just a bit 😅 No but in reality, it's really cool to see that I've refined my style and methods over the year, starting in January and continuing it all through 2024. Seeing progress and improvement is one of my favorite things about this process, so doing these recaps is always enjoyable.

January:

Looking back, I'm still so proud of the first dancing set of renders for Ariss & Vasily, and who could forget the first Alice sighting?? I can't, look at her.

February:

February was a bit of a slow month for me but I still love how this A+tM album cover came out!

March:

March was a bit slower, but I love this set of Ariss (:

April:

April was a goood month, I'm still so in love with all three of these.

May:

MerMay was lacking for me a bit this year, but I really love how my contribution turned out (: & this spicy render of Ariss & Vasily is one of my favorites, if for no other reason than his little fang peek.

June:

June was all about Alice + the Madness! & like LEGIT? I still can't believe I made this Rolling Stone cover? I have a secret, I've tried to make another one for Alice, but nothing has or probably will ever look as good as this one so I've given up lmfaoooo

& this render of Erisande was such a labor of love. I sat down and said it'd be really quick and then spent hours editing meshes and adjusting the lighting... but then, that always happens with me and "quick" renders 😅

July:

Bit of a slow month, but I'm still so floored (& happy!) about the love Millie has gotten! This isn't even a completed render and it's one of my most well-received posts to date haha, but I can't blame anyone, look how cute she is.

August:

Ramping up into spooky season we have two of my favorite renders of all time, my "bog demon" and mothwoman! As obsessed as I am with Ariss and Vasily, it's really nice to do creative one-off renders and these were both SO FUN to do. I hope to do more in the new year too (:

September:

This iconic portrait of Ariss will always be one of my favorites (& is actually my computer's wallpaper rn, but a version updated with her 'new' tattoos), & this render of Kai could definitely be improved on (maybe in the new year...) but it was a really fun challenge! I do see flaws in it now but that's growing and learning!

October:

October was (not surprisingly) a very busy month for me! The idea for the render of Theo & Millie had been rolling around in my head since I first created them, & while the end result wasn't exactly what I was envisioning, I still really love how it turned out.

& though this set of renders for Ariss & Vasily took me FOR-FUCKING-EVER, and I see a lot of flaws even now (after trying my damnedest to have NONE), I still really love it. The end result/edit/colorway was NOT what I planned but I really fell in love with it.

November:

November, the month of ambitious scene-building, pose-making, and upping my skin shader game in a BIG way. I spent literal hours perfecting Ariss' new tattoo, and literal days building the scene for that gorgeous render of Kai.

& I'm so glad yall love that pose set! It was definitely a learning experience and a labor of love.

December:

Looking at this overview, December has been dark and spicy lmfao but I actually love it. Once again, all of these took wayyyy longer than I thought they would when I sat down to start them, but I'm genuinely in love with all three!

& that's a wrap (so far) on 2024! I'm having surgery tomorrow so not sure I'll be able to create/post anything else this year, but I have big plans for 2025! So stay tuned (:

I'm tagginggggggg @kuroashims, @a-m-pyra. @acidheaddd, @gothoffspring, @pralinesims, @thebramblewood, @moonfromearth, @nepotisim, & YOU, I want to see all your creations!

(There were a LOT more creators I wanted to tag but I saw yall have already done this!)

[gigglemugger]

The Naked and the Blind (or The Ballad of Meg Halsey) | Chapter 7.

Fandom: Re-Animator (Movies - Combs), Herbert West - Reanimator - H.P. Lovecraft.

Pairing: Herbert West/Meg Halsey

Rating: Explicit, or at the very least Mature.

Archive Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence.

Chapters: 1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8. | 9. | 10. | 11.

Synopsis:

"Meg Halsey had a problem. In fact, she had several problems, the first of which, she acknowledges while looking at her semi empty living room, is that she can't afford to live alone anymore. The second one is that she doesn't wanna go back to her daddy's house again. This would be an inconceivable notion to her thirteen year old self, even her sixteen year old self, but at twenty five, she'd really choose living under the bridge first. Ok. Maybe not that." Meg Halsey is perfect: Beautiful, accomplished, a bright future doctor. She escaped her hometown and moved to New York, where she likely would have stayed forever. After her mother dies, though, she is forced to move back to Arkham and face everything she wanted to leave behind. --- A.K.A I made a tumblr post about how Crampton/Combs are romantically involved in all of their collabs, got replies and decided to write down a suggestion of "what if Meg was the protagonist, not Dan?" Also I did the cop-out summary thing and pasted the first paragraph of the fic. It's highway robbery. Criminal (I'm sorry).

Word Count: Multi Chapter, so far 22,356.

AO3 Tags: I uhhh......... I have no idea what I made it started with one tumblr post then one reply and here we are, I included other works by Lovecraft here and rounded Arkham up and then ran, Character Study, In a way, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Dan Cain, he doesn't exist, Danbert shippers cry I get it, Canon-Typical Violence, Animal Death, Eventual Romance, Slow Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Eventual Smut, this fic is an affront to god just like herbert's reagent, Not Beta Read.

Language: English.

CW: Meg went through some trauma. Dead parents, dead cat. She also helps kill her dad later on, considering, so. It's a heavy fic, but if you liked the movie you'll be fine.

Chapter Summary: Things get much worse. In the aftermath, Meg watches Ghostbusters with Ace. Yes, that's right. Ghostbusters.

AO3 link.

(Happy holidays!)

Chapter notes:

Continuation of what I said before. This is also where the explicit rating comes in, in the sexual sense. Weeee! Also, if I got the chronological order of Ghostbusters scenes wrong, I'm sorry. I only watched once.

7. Cause there's nothing else to do...

Silence, in Meg's head. Complete void. Her very core shook, her hands, legs, everything with it. The crunching sound of her dad's bones, the man walking over him with force beyond what would be possible—those came in slowly.

West was mangled, but breathing.

She herself was breathing. Was she?

The room started up again around her almost too fast when her dad started crying out. The subject mimicked the sound, putting his hands over his ears…

And Meg could do nothing but stare.

The subject—the reanimated subject that both she and West had been responsible for—started hitting her father's head against the cold floor.

She watched.

Herbert made a noise behind her. Why couldn't she move?

This is a dream… A weird, horrible dream. When I wake up, I won't even remember.

“Stop!” Herbert yelled, a mimic of his early cry. He sprinted towards the subject, taking his arms, but was unable to move him

The dean cried.

This is what shock feels like from the inside.

The beige telephone, the breeze.

You've felt this before.

After the phone call you couldn't move.

You needed to go back home.

It was exam week. You stayed.

She died.

“Meg!” Herbert yelled. She looked down at him. “Snap out of it!”

A move, a twitch of the leg and she was on again. She threw herself at it—fruitless, as the corpse flung both of them away with ease.

The dean cried. Meg looked at him from a distance, being raised, hit against the wall.

He wouldn't be strong enough to fight. The subject bit his fingers off.

Meg heard the saw buzzing before she saw it. West perforated the center of the body, coming through bloody and victorious.

She watched as he laid him on the floor gently, before sprinting towards her father.

He shook him, he checked his pulse. Meg laid down, looking at the bright fluorescents. They pierced her eyes, which she welcomed, considering the alternative was replaying her father's fingers being bitten off one by one.

The room was silent, as silent as her brain had been, but not still.

She was cold.

“He's dead.”

“I know.”

Meg raised her body and threw up. She saw the vomit and only then computed what was happening. When she turned back to West, he was dragging her father's body.

The floor is cold… The floor is cold.

“What are you doing?” Her voice came out labored. Her throat was sore. When she screamed she couldn't feel it, but now it was burning. Old Miskatonic had nothing on it.

“I'm getting results,” he answered as if it was obvious. His reagent was removed from his pocket, a new syringe was employed—and her hand was on West's thigh in a second. He looked down at her with wide eyes.

“Don't.” She sounded confident and determined. She felt like she had fallen from a building, broken through the floor and kept going for several floors. He kneeled to talk to her, eyes wide in desperation, begging to be let through into her brain.

“The subject listened to us, made a conscious move…” She grabbed his shirt on the shoulder, bunching it up. The blood and sweat were cold against her skin. They were close together, noses almost touching.

“Herbert, you will not turn my dad into that.”

He paused.

“You're right,” he nodded, agreeing. “Maybe the subject just wasn't fresh enough, but I can bring him back…” She waved her head and he looked at her.

“Don't.” West's face contorted into a mask of annoyance and impatience. Meg's didn't move.

“This is the freshest subject we'll get save for killing one ourselves…!” She laughed, more of a shriek really, making him pause mid sentence. Her body convulsed forward, the smell of vomit, blood and chemicals making her stomach churn again. (She continued laughing for ten seconds. He counted).

“Sure!” Meg said, finally. “I'll kill someone. We'll get someone straight from the main floor. I don't care.” She held him even tighter, knowing it was bound to hurt. “Don't. Touch. My dad—he's not a subject.”

“If you could have done this for your mother, would you?” He asked. She remembered the conversation she had with her father mere hours ago.

“How did you…”

There is nothing one can do against death.

“Yes…” Meg admitted, softly. She let her forehead touch his shoulder, feeling empty. His tie was crooked. She fixed it before moving away to lay on the floor, limp.

“I will bring him back,” Herbert assured. Without further argument, he picked the flask back up, not bothering with recorders, the freshness of the subject taking priority.

Meg didn't do much, just laid there, waiting.

“I’ll show you…” Herbert murmured. The fluorescent lights didn’t bother her anymore. “I’ll show all of you...”

A beat, two beats. Meg was shaking, but didn’t feel it—she knew it from seeing it.

When her dad started moaning to indicate he was alive, West spoke again.

“Dr. Halsey, you once did me a favor by letting me into your medical school. Welcome back to life.”

Meg was sitting at a hospital bed. That was the first real recollection she had of that day, or at least of after she successfully reanimated her first corpse. Her father was dead.

Twice, Herbert's voice said in her head. He failed…

They failed.

“Meg?” She lifted her head. It was Harrod. “Here, it's for your throat.”

“Thank you,” she said, taking the plastic cup, but holding it limp over her knees. “Did she pick up?”

“Yeah, she's coming to get you.”

“Thank you.”

“Take those,” was all she said in return before leaving.

The official story was that Dean Halsey ‘went crazy’ after finding out that Meg and West were indeed together—behind his back. He flipped out, attacked both her and West, before being mercifully stopped, leaving behind two victims in a complete state of shock. He was in a padded room, taken away in a straitjacket. Meg was sitting, free, in a hospital room. Her pills were limp in her hand.

Her parents were dead, her cat was dead… All she had in the world was her roommate, who was coming to pick her up.

And West…

She shook her head, like an etch-a-sketch. At least the hospital was calmer. Meg wondered if she could ever step foot there again without having a mental collapse.

She finally dawned the pills.

When Ace arrived, she hugged her.

“So your dad flipped out?” She nodded. Ace smiled, sympathetic. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

They stood huddled together against the cold. It was getting firmer, the weather, which meant it was only going to get chiller.

“Where's West?” Ace asked. Meg sniffled.

“No idea.” It was true. After being cleared out, he looked at Meg briefly and disappeared—probably knowing that once she recovered complete control over her body, at least psychologically, she was gonna rip his head off.

It’s not only his fault, but you know that don't you?

“I know we haven't known each other for too long, but you could have told me you two were like that. I wasn't gonna say anything.” Meg smiled.

“I know. I'm sorry.”

“It’s ok, I have my private life too… Still, next time I’ll cover for you.” She hummed in response. “Is your dad going to be okay?” Instead of answering, Meg started crying.

Home was inviting, warm. Felix the cat greeted her, a souvenir from better times.

“I'll make you some tea.”

“Thank you,” Meg said. Ace arranged for Ed to bring her car back home. Nothing to throw on the bowl. Her face was swollen, puffy. She had an extreme headache and when she finally found the couch, she knew she wasn’t getting up.

“Ow…” Meg said. Her body ached—she could remember being thrown all over the place. The pills weren’t enough to make it all go away. No amount of ibuprofen could, probably.

I held onto West’s shoulder. There was a rotten smell. I gave up, we were getting ready to leave…

“Here,” Ace said, putting the mug in front of Meg. She stared at it. Yesterday it had been coffee… “Have you slept?”

Oh yeah… Right…

“No,” Meg admitted, taking the mug. Earl Gray, the only type of tea she had around, the only one she drank. “I should, shouldn’t I?”

Ace sat down, criss crossed her legs and looked at Meg with her big brown eyes.

They were shiny, like West’s.

“I think the right thing for me to say would be yes: Yes, you should go to bed, yes you should try to forget this for a second—but you won’t. So, instead, I’ll ask you: What do you need?”

Meg cried into her mug. The ride home wasn’t enough? But Ace looked like she expected that.

“I have Sixteen Candles on VHS. Do you wanna watch that, to take the edge off a little bit?”

“Is that the one with that red haired girl?” Meg asked, using both her hands to dry her tears. She could barely lift her arms.

“Molly Ringwald, yes. She’s sixteen and her parents forgot her birthday, real tragedy.”

“Why do you have that on VHS?” Ace shrugged.

“I have Christine too, if you wanna watch a killer car. I also have The NeverEnding Story and Ghostbusters…”

“How many VHS tapes do you have?” Meg managed to ask. Her throat was sore and her tears were still flowing—she wasn’t hiccuping or convulsing, but she was steady.

Perfect little cry for the perfect little girl.

“A couple. They’re expensive, but I buy the ones I like, or stuff I saw on TV and wanna see again.”

“Sixteen… Candles…” Oh, here we go. The hiccups. Not so perfect after all.

Well, at least you are human, unlike that… Her brain conjured up the image of the subject hitting the door. Next came the feeling of West holding her back, his arms around her as she cried out, his breathing on her neck, his voice close to her ear…

“Yeah,” Ace said, unphased. “It’s light, but it’s romance…” Meg waved her head.

“Let’s watch Ghostbusters. I didn’t catch that one in theaters…”

And you go to the theaters since…?

Not since 1979, at least.

“Ok, it’s good. Doubt it will make you laugh, but it’ll try. You should really finish your tea. I’ll make popcorn, do you think you can eat that?”

Meg wasn’t sure.

“I’ll try.”

Ghostbusters was fun. It didn’t distract her—her thoughts were with her dad, in a padded cell somewhere, in the dark—but as far as comedies went... Ace did a lot of the talking about how it was much more accurate when it came to real life ghosts and supernatural phenomena than she expected when she took Ed to see it with her.

“Since when have you two been together?” Meg asked. Rick Moranis was running through New York. She was trying to eat some more butter popcorn—it was soggy and it stained her fingers, making them slimy. She appreciated any other sensorial sensation other than pain, though. At least the tears were gone. Small talk would surely fill the crater forming slowly in the decaying tissue of her heart.

Dramatic much?

Shut up.

“We met during a club meeting, at Miskatonic. People who believe in the paranormal, all that,” Ace said without looking at anything other than the screen. “He was interested in my history with the practice, I was interested in why someone who looked like him was interested.”

“Why do you say that?” Meg asked. Ace smiled.

“Eddie looks like a rich boy and is a rich boy. I wasn’t poor growing up, my family does pay for my education, but Eddie is old money. It made more sense when he told me he was sick a lot as a child and read copious amounts of… Anything, really, to pass the time. His family is also weird, not like mine, but…”

“How weird is your family?”

There was silence. New York boomed through the speakers. Meg looked at the screen and fought her feelings.

She desperately wished she hadn't left, that she hadn't come back for her mother's funeral, to take care of her dad, to meet Herbert West…

“I’ll tell you if you tell me the truth about you and West.” Meg looked at her, glad to ignore the television. Ace continued. “I know you and him weren’t together. Sure, it made sense, but other things didn’t click. Your dad suddenly losing it, really losing it makes no sense. I mean, I thought it did, but then I thought about it again, and…”

“Ok,” Meg said, stopping her. She put the bowl down. She had no idea it had even been on her lap—she must have eaten almost all of it. Ace looked expectant. For a second, Meg almost felt like telling her everything—to unburden herself:

Let someone else have all this mess, go to bed and don't think about it for a while. C'mon. Of everyone you've ever met, she is probably the least likely to judge you.

C'mon, Megan. Say it.

Say it.

“It's complicated. It's…”

“OK,” Ace said, with a nod. “I get it. Let's finish the movie, ok?”

Dark at first. Slab, in the middle of the room. A corpse, looking at her. It was her own mother's, of course. Her dreams were getting less subtle.

“Meg,” a voice, a hand on her arm. Herbert materialized in front of her, the needle full of green—pulsating and neon. The newfound fluorescents did nothing for her complexion.

“You are cold, sure, but you have some warmth to you. Your aura. I read it somewhere…”

“Thanks mom.”

“How old am I?”

Why do you ask?

“Meg,” Herbert's hand went further up, to her forearm. He was closer, the needle squirting reagent. “I can save her. I can cure her. I can experiment on her.”

Less and less subtle.

What?

She didn't know. She looked at her mother's corpse. She had no head.

“She doesn't have a brain.”

“She doesn't need one,” Herbert said and smiled. With an almost skip of his step, he walked to the slab.

Meg watched. She also wanted to know what would happen.

“The head is in the trash can,” she said. “I should put it back.”

“No. It'll cost us results.”

Meg watched.

“Maybe if I…” Herbert looked back at her. His eyes were green. Expectant.

There was a tick tock. It was her Felix clock. Eyes going back and forth.

“Ms. Halsey.”

“Yes. I want you to save her.”

I want to know.

Meg watched. Herbert injected the reagent. He looked at the watch he had on his wrist.

“Twenty seconds…” She approached the body, and him. She put her own hand on his forearm. He didn't move. He seemed to be sweating, damping his blue shirt. “Thirty seconds.”

The trashcan started screaming. Both she and him looked at it, startled.

“Go get it,” Herbert said, finally. Meg turned towards him, an indignant expression on her face, nails against her palms. “Well? It's your mother. Not mine.”

“Your parents are dead.” The screams were louder, but she didn't budge, she kept looking into his eyes. Herbert looked back.

“So are yours. Fetch the head.”

Meg walked to the trash can—her doctor resolve on, her pink scrubs immaculate, ready for surgery—and pulled it out. Her father looked back at her. He was screaming, but no sound came out. That seemed natural to her.

“What now?”

“We'll sew them, of course.”

Meg never did see the sewing. The dream shifted. It was her house—not her old house, the house she shared with... Her mother and father were drinking tea with her. The television was on, airing Sixteen Candles.

“I'm so happy you invited us here,” her mother said, putting her cup down. Her head was sharing a neck with her dad's.

Meg beamed.

“I'm glad you could make it at a time in which… is at home.”

Her fiance… Husband… Was a doctor. She stayed at home a lot. She was happy. He was making noise in his office, getting something. She didn't know what.

“A bright young hope for the future of medicine,” her dad said, assuring her mother. He turned his head towards her. They had half clothes, her mother wore red, her father wore tweed. He had an earring on, she had his reading glasses.

“I'm back,” he said, entering the room, well humored. Meg was happy with the choice: He was tall, athletic, brown eyed and brown haired. He was bright. He was perfect.

She fixed her bob, making sure it was flipping inwards.

“...Is happy to finally get you here, mom,” Meg said, when he sat down.

“Oh yes, Meg talked so much about you. You're basically her idol.”

“Oh, please. I did my best with Meg, but it was all her. She's the bright one. She gave us no troubles.”

“No bottom drawer files,” her dad said and laughed. He laughed too, her mother laughed. Meg didn't laugh immediately, but read the room and followed suit.

The dream shifted. Meg was fucking West on the slab. There was no mother, no father. The room was darker. The clock was gone. They panted and sweated out.

She had her old white bra on, which she sometimes wore beneath more sheer blouses. It was loose on her, he had pulled it down to see her body better. Otherwise, she was naked. West dragged his hands up her torso, towards her breasts, and squeezed them. She was on top. His glasses were gone—had fallen somewhere.

He looked up at her while she looked down.

The room seemed to be composed of them alone. There was no sound other than the metal underneath, the panting, her moaning, his moaning.

More vocal than originally expected…

But he is intense, isn't he?

That's a way of saying it…

“Harder,” Herbert said, commanding. Meg stopped, locking her legs on both of his sides. “Meg,” he said, putting his hands on her hips, to pull down. She didn't budge. They were both out of breath. Her hair definitely looked ragged, but he still looked prim.

She hated that. She wanted to keep hearing him make those noises. His naked torso was illuminated by the shallow fluorescent light, his legs were half naked…

God…

“Or what? What are you going to do?” His eyes sharpened.

“Leave, but you don't want that, do you?” Meg locked him further in place. He smiled. “I figured as much…”

Mockery. His main defense mechanism.

That and attacking.

Silence again.

“Why?” Meg asked. The question seemed to echo throughout the room. Herbert raised an eyebrow.

“Why?” He repeated, half laughing. She wanted to kiss him, but had a vague notion that much of the sex was prefaced with her being pressed against a wall—or vice versa. “Why do you think?” He buckled again, she didn't let him.

“I don't know. That's why I'm asking.” He grunted, squirming.

“You and I… Are similar.”

“How?” Meg asked. She couldn't possibly understand. Herbert stopped trying to push into her and she counted that as a victory. He raised his body, pulling her closer, his lips touching hers briefly. Meg didn't try to pretend she didn't want to and raised her hands to bury her fingers into his hair.

“The main difference between you and I,” he began, looking into her eyes, caressing her neck, going down to her collarbone, with the hand he didn’t squeeze her waist with, “lies in upbringing. You were appropriately raised by a cushy family, in a cushy neighborhood. Had I been brought up as you were, maybe I'd be more like you. I'd be a nice proper doctor. I would have had swimming lessons. I'd have an alcoholic mother. I'd learn how to pray. I'd have found myself a nice girl…”

“...Or boy…” Meg completed. He smiled.

“Oh. You're not even sure I'd be interested in having you like I am now, are you? Pretty little Meg Halsey…” He took a strand of her hair in between his fingers and let the thought trail off as he began thrusting into her again, with some effort. “How long have you wanted this?” Meg sighed. He sounded perfectly normal, unphased. The sounds were gone.

This was natural to her.

“A while…”

“What's a while?” Meg didn't want to say. Herbert laid her down on the slab once more, for a more comfortable position. She flinched at the cold against her back. His head covered some of the light in that strange space and she saw him with a halo around his head. “What's a while, Ms. Halsey?”

“A… week? Two… weeks?” She asked. She didn't have the capacity for coherent thought while he was fucking her. “At least since… Since you…”

“Yes?” He asked, leaning his head slightly to hear her better.

“...Came to my house…” He laughed. Meg hated the way it made her body tingle. She put her hand over his heart and the facade fell through when she felt how fast it beat, pumping blood into his veins.

He didn't stop. It was as if he wasn't human.

“God, you are such a little whore, ms. Halsey. Maybe our sweet red haired classmate was right…”

“I didn't… Think about it…” Meg explained. “I don't think I know. I wanted you to…”

In the car. She remembered. You stared at his hands too much not to want them on you.

Herbert hummed as if he heard her thoughts, putting his hands over her again. She had one leg raised—he had a hand on it and another over her stomach.

He thrust into her harder and she moaned louder. It was rare she had full freedom to make noise like that, to show how pleased she was. He smiled.

“You used to ride those stupid men, in dormitories, inside your childhood bedroom,” he dropped his body further into hers, kneading them together. She put her legs around his waist. “And now look at you. You're under me. You and I, ms. Halsey…”

“Yes…” Meg agreed, powerless to think or say anything else. Her mouth was dry. She dug her nails into his shoulder, wanting to grab him as strongly as she felt, as much as she wanted. He didn't seem to mind.

Didn't you have a husband? Fiance?

You did…

Somewhere…

“You and I…” He repeated, thrusting, slightly out of breath. Meg put her head against him, moaning against his skin. “...Will live lifetimes together.” He raised his head and kissed her forehead, next to the roots of her hair. “You'd make a fine specimen.”

When she came in the dream, she woke up.

[daretolovemyrambling]

ARCANE: unreliable narrators (Silco and Vander focused) PART 1

I haven't really been in this tag/fandom before the season 2 finale, but can we talk about how both Vander and Silco are unreliable narrators? Especially when it comes to their flashback scenes?

I don't get why i've seen so many take the flashbacks we got in the show at face value. The show makes clear time and time again that when we get a flashback from the point of view of a single character, they are an unreliable narrator.

some examples of other characters:

on the left: biased/not the reality (character's memory/pov) vs on the right: unbiased/reality (our, the viewers, pov)

I'm going to use video clips and transcripts of the memories because I can't just gif like 5 minutes of scenes. Since you can only have one video per post, I will have to post this in several parts.

Let's start with Warwick's memories from 2x5:

We see that the memory of Warwick in episode 2x5 is all over the place, memories from the past 15-20 years come flooding back in bits and pieces. 

In the first moment of this scene we see Warwick running through the mines, then we see Singed who has experimented on him, we see the Monkey Toy aggressively banging it's cymbals against each other, then we see a younger looking Silco about to swing something at an enforcer, for a split second the Monkey's face replaces Silco's, we see that it was a bottle bomb and set that enforcer on fire.

I think this represents Silco's almost obsessive nature when it came to their fight for Zaun's freedom, the Monkey overwhelms you with it's loud noise the same way Silco likely overwhelmed Vander with his ruthless actions.

the next scene, Silco looks horrified at Vander and we cut to Vander drowning Silco, then back to the moment Vander (and likely Silco) discover Felicia's lifeless body. 

We see a moment of Vander punching an enforcer with his gauntlets from 1x1, cut to the Monkey's face again, then we see Warwick's perspective of the prison fight with the enforcers in 2x4 (we see him choke one of them out with his claws) and slashing several more of them brutally.

Finally, we cut back to the mines were he hallucinates a toddler-aged Powder crying her little eyes out (it looks like something that actually happened. I think this might be a moment shortly after he takes in the girls. Powder looks like she just woke up from a nightmare, her body language is shy and scared). He softly wipes the tears away with his left hand (same hand he used to choke Silco and an enforcer just a few moments earlier) 

Powder's face turns into Jinx and then pre-teen Powder and we follow Powder's lifeless gaze to Felicia dancing at the Jukebox, before finally, Vander images a Silco shortly after the murder attempt, this Silco is still dripping wet from the lake (and he uses his signature glass) but smiles at Vander invitingly (likely a moment that actually happend but was warped by the many nightmares Vander likely had about what he did).

The idea that Silco escalated the Bridge Riot and thus caused the death of many Zaunites, including Felicia and Connol, is definitely supported by this short memory, but it's *not* the only way you can read the scene. Vander's memories are evidently completely scrambled, he is remembering the worst moments of his life all at once.

It's just as valid to say that Silco was not there during the Bridge Scene in season 1 episode 1 as to say that he was!

That is what makes unreliable narrators so interesting, we can make assumptions to what happend, but if we don't get an unbiased view at a scene, we don't know for sure if it happend the way the narrator imagined it.

Examples where we have unbiased flashbacks would be flashbacks like Mel's childhood in 1x8 and the Bar scene with Felicia in 2x5. In these scenes we don't follow the pov of one character, of course information is still omitted from us to an extend, but we can make our own assumption instead of seeing the biased/narrow pov of a single character.

[thebramblewood]

I was tagged by @retrotrait, @simvanie, @moonwoodhollow, @aheathen-conceivably annnnnnd @salemssimblr to post my top 24 screenshots from 2024, but I jumped the gun on posting a retrospective earlier this month.

I still wanted to do something, though, so I'm going to take some inspiration from @elderwisp and talk about my favorite story scenes of the year specifically - since there's nothing I love more than yapping and reminiscing.

Before I start rambling, I'll tag @living-undead, @esotericas-sims, @fallstaticexit, @simsdaughters, @biffybobs, @whyeverr, @kissalopa and @earthmoonz! I'm sure some of you have already done this (and no pressure if you don't want to), but I'd love to see you reflect on your year in whatever way suits you!

Good food and hard truths with Grace Anansi (one, two). I think this is quietly one of my favorite moments in the story so far because it revealed so much about Caleb's past that until this point had only been hinted at. It also gave him a friend and confidante, which he sorely needed. This was an extremely lengthy and exposition-heavy conversation, so it was challenging but rewarding to write, edit (endlessly), and execute in a compelling way. Plus, its final moments had to lead seamlessly into...

Party like a spellcaster (one, two). I think this was the first flashback in the story, so it was a pretty big deal! It was also the point where my ambitions started making scene preparation increasingly complicated. I spent a hell of a long time converting broomsticks and potions into pose accessories, but I was so pleased with how the vision came together, and it taught me a lot of skills that have become indispensable as my ideas grow more elaborate. Overall, it was a welcome moment of levity and joy for Caleb, even as we know tragedy looms in the future.

Lilith does a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing. Turns out once I started doing flashback scenes, I couldn't stop. You guys have no idea how it felt to sit on this particularly nasty secret for months. I wanted it to be a shocking reveal that fully established Lilith's villain status, but I also knew I would have to get her back into Helena's - and our - good graces eventually. It's been interesting to write a character like her who you love and hate at once. Ultimately, I want all of us to be on the same rollercoaster ride as Helena, equal parts repulsed and fascinated. This was especially wild to bring to life because it felt pretty surreal to be adding a whole new layer to this idea that originated years ago in my legacy!

Helena Zhao can't come to the phone right now. I was very proud of this scene because it was the first one where I made all the poses myself. It was also a major turning point in Helena and Julia's relationship, where their sisterly bond is deeply tested. I may have cried a little while writing and shooting it. I really enjoyed the brief moments we got to spend in Julia's perspective, and I hope to bring her back if the story calls for it. Although she was in extreme shock at what her sister had done, I imagine she'd eventually come around to having a bit more compassion for her situation. She'd probably be open to reconciling someday, presuming Helena ever sets foot in Copperdale again.

Reunited and it feels so... good? (one, two). I didn't even realize I posted Helena and Lilith's reunion on April Fool's! Everyone was waiting with bated breath to see if they would ever cross paths again... and who are we kidding? Of course they would! I had a very good time writing this conversation and giving Helena a chance to finally get everything off her chest - though, of course, she couldn't help but be worn down by Lilith's manipulative charm in the end. And then Caleb got his comeuppance for keeping the truth of what happened a secret for so long, reminding us once again just how scary Lilith can be.

Plasma Pals! As dark as this story is, I enjoy weaving in moments of comedy and lightness when I can, so it was really fun to portray Caleb and Helena's evolving friendship through the lens of a cheesy sitcom. I wasn't sure it would hit with anyone other than me because the funniest things I write are usually accidental. It's hard to be funny on purpose! But it ended up being possibly my most popular story post ever, so obviously I did something right.

Lilith teaches Helena the true art of supernatural seduction. I wanted this section of the story to be all about the two very different approaches Lilith and Caleb take to teaching Helena. This was one of my most technically challenging scenes. I shot the entire attack sequence twice because I was underwhelmed the first time. But in the end I'm glad I took the time to do that because it contains some of my favorite screenshots ever and really conveys Helena's internal struggle. But will she be able to resist when it inevitably happens again?

The night where it all began, part one. I love this entire series of flashbacks, but I'm particularly fond of the opening because we finally get a glimpse into what Caleb and Lilith's relationship was like as humans. It turns out they liked each other! And only bickered in a light-hearted way! And conspired and giggled together! This was another scene where I made all the poses. It was exhausting, but these flashbacks to the Vatores' vampire origins were so important for me to get right. I'd been thinking about them for a long time, so I wanted them to be as perfect as possible.

How Caleb was transformed, one and two. Again with the flashbacks! I think part of the reason I like them so much is because, as much work as they are, they always offer a change of scenery that refreshes my creativity. This particular scene was one I was obsessing over for months, so I had cultivated a very specific vision of how it would play out and didn't want to compromise. I'm glad I had the foresight to start learning posing far enough in advance that I felt ready to take it on. If I had to choose, this is my single favorite scene of the year. Everything came together exactly how I wanted, and it gives me chills every time I revisit it.

A very vampiric dinner date, part two. This entire sequence took so much work to complete from beginning to end! But it was the first big outing beyond Forgotten Hollow in a while, and I wanted it to be special. I enjoyed being able to put a bunch of pre-mades into compromising positions with your guys' vampires. As much of a pain as it is to pose multiple Sims, the end results are always worth it. And then, of course, the sequence resolves in Helena and Lilith having a genuine moment of intimacy for the first time since Helena was turned, which had us all squealing.

Helena is horny and confused. Can you believe this is the only Ulrike appearance of the year? 😭 I'm really glad I managed to sneak one in. Even though they broke up before she was turned, Ulrike is the ultimate reminder of Helena's human life, of everything she left behind and of what could have been. Other than her family, Ulrike is who Helena misses most when she thinks about the past. This scene was pulled together quickly based on me finding the pose pack. I wasn't entirely sure if it would even work as part of the main narrative. But I feel like the spontaneity made it feel extra special, even if it is a smaller moment.

Forgotten Hollow 101. If anything, the theme of this year has been taking an increasingly long amount of time to finish every post. This is in part because I got busier in the second half of the year but also because I can't stop thinking up crazy complicated ideas. This one took me a month more or less. Even though each vampire only had one picture, it required a lot of effort to get them all in game, find poses, set up locations, etc.! But it was so important to me to do justice to your guys' vampires, so I was happy to take the time, even in the couple of moments where I began to feel burned out. I hope to keep showing off your lovely creations next year!

[aranarumei]

what would separate hirano and kagiura?

so. about that preview of the adult au… I’m sure everyone’s wrecked right now. and I. have some thoughts.

so like, for the adult au to exist at all, harusono sensei has to contrive a situation for both hirano & kagiura to not get their romantic drama in high school, and the same applies for sasaki & miyano. it’d be easy to say that these couples are separated just because they need to be, but i think it’s worth giving them a look. under the cut because i'm being thorough.

for sasaki & miyano, it’s simply that they never meet past their first meeting. hirano doesn’t tell sasaki what miyano's class is, and that’s that. kinda mundane, isn’t it? like… cmon, you’d expect sasaki to try a little harder.

except. well. if there’s any word that defines the sasaki of middle school and most of his first year of high school, I’d say it was apathy. I think sasaki's got a very strange relationship with the idea of force—he uses too much of it on his sister once and subsequently avoids using any kind of physical strength to an extreme degree. he doesn’t break up that fight in the beginning by brawling, and when those kids retaliate he doesn’t hit back (ch 1, 2, and 4 of sasaki and miyano show these scenes, but it's ch 2 of sasaki and miyano: first years that explicitly confirms that sasaki threw no punches) and in a friendly arm wrestling competition he uses basically none of his strength at all (2020 sosenkyo extras). he’s careful in how he speaks to miyano and he feels bad for asking him to quit the crossdressing competition (ch 23, sasaki and miyano). he’s really patient about getting his answer.

in its best form, I think sasaki & miyano's relationship is about Care—miyano is so into his interests and so bright about them, and i think that overwhelming sincerity attracts sasaki, and i think it's a large motivating force in making him a more active person. so in a certain way it makes sense that the way they "miss" each other, in this au, is something that amplifies a negative trait/feeling that exists in the original.

for hirano and kagiura, they don't room together for the next year, and then... they drift apart. but here's what interests me. in the adult au, kagiura gets 61st on his exams. you know what he gets in canon? 60th! that's a difference of one place—the difference is so very clearly not the grades itself, it's internal. @raihanstrapinch suggested that this is perhaps an AU where kagiura took the "one day off" mentioned in ch 19 (you can find the post here) and I think this makes sense for a one place difference! (that one place being the possible cutoff for being able to be roommates again is tragic, though)

interesting is that kagiura says that he doesn't want to look back and regret taking that day off, because then he'll never forgive himself. I think this is exactly what motivates kagiura and hirano drifting apart: shame.

in ch 18 of hirano and kagiura, the topic of "equality" in a relationship gets discussed. kagiura wants to have a relationship between equals, and so that's why they start doing stuff like taking turns waking each other up, and it's why hirano gets kagiura to teach him some basketball. this isn't a new topic, since kagiura's been wanting hirano to be needy with him for a few chapters now, and it's one that gets extended on into ch 24, where hirano makes clear that his 10 seconds is distinct from kagi. reciprocation... it's beautiful.

point is, a lot of hirano and kagiura deals with what hirano and kagiura can do for each other. that's because it's central in establishing their continual understanding of each other. hirano is learning to fall in love with kagi, little by little. they're figuring out their relationship. of special importance is how both hirano and kagiura influence each other in the spheres of basketball and studying.

basketball is obvious: in ch 1 and ch 2, hirano takes care of kagiura so that he'll recover quickly from his cold, and he also helps him handle his loss. it's in ch 17 where we really see the full scope of how it applies to both of them, though: kagiura takes his 10 seconds and gets recharged for practice, and then hirano thinks that he really wants to study right now. despite their differences, hirano and kagiura sharing space with each other makes both of them better at their goals. it's a direct repudiation of the ideas that are floated in ch 11 and ch 13: that kagiura came to the dorm to focus on his club activities, while hirano came to the dorm to focus on his studies. their focuses, then, should naturally be pulled in opposite directions. they might just end up distracting each other.

something that's fascinating about the preview of the adult au is that, after waking up, kagiura demeans himself by saying he essentially has no self-discipline / control. here it's in the context of getting basically blackout drunk, but I think it also reflects how he might've felt back then, getting that grade. he didn't have the self-discipline to balance both studying and basketball well enough, in his own opinion, and since he feels like he didn't try his very best at it ("one day off"), I think he might have concluded, personally, that it might be best to pull back. it's not the first time that kagiura's drawn back, after all: he was like this when he started reacting too much to hirano's touch, and he's still like that because he keeps carefully calculating out his 10 seconds. as hirano says in ch 23, he looks annoyingly miserable when he's like this. he worries so much about crossing the line, about not being as good as hirano thinks he is... to me it's perfectly reasonable that there's a world where kagiura retreats.

in their character descriptions for the adult au, it's noted that hirano is mostly taken up by studying and doesn't socialize much, while kagiura doesn't really talk to anyone outside of basketball-related matters. i think this really shows off that idea of the adult au kind of expanding on a theme that gets introduced in the original, but in a negative direction: instead of balancing and positively influencing each other like they do in canon, here hirano and kagiura have retreated solely into their own focuses.

i think hirano is genuinely rooting for kagiura's success in basketball. he's always so impressed by his passion for the sport, so I think here, along with kagiura's self-inflicted withdrawal, he'd probably rationalize to himself that kagiura's working hard on basketball, and it's... good for him that he's doing so. honestly he seems kind of slow on the uptake with emotions in general so even if he did circle around to thinking about reconnecting, he might've already graduated and it would've felt too weird for him. i also think that, to sort of mirror kagiura's own hard work with basketball, he'd also work hard on his studies. in some strange way, they're still powering each other forward.

[clangenrising]

About My Hiatus

Hey everyone! I wanted to check in and talk about the hiatus I took in October. I've been doing a lot better since then, getting my life in order, getting a hold on my responsibilities, and I really appreciate all of your continued support through that time, it really helped.

I want to come back and keep working on RisingClan but I don't know when I will have the time to write as fast as I have been, if ever. I have two ideas about what I could do and I want to know what you as my fans would prefer.

OPTION 1 - No More Real Time

The first option is for me to abandon the Real Time gimmick (posting on the days that those events happen) and just upload whenever I have a finished piece which would likely be once every month or two. This would mean longer waits between pieces but I would be posting again and sharing previews with my Patrons as normal. I would want to redo the way I title my pieces or perhaps find a way to put them all on a calendar so that the time between pieces isn't too confusing but that's something I would have to figure out.

OPTION 2 - Building Up To It

The second option is that I stay on hiatus for a year and, during that time, I keep writing at whatever pace I can, stock piling those pieces until we get back to October next year and can jump back into the Real Time schedule. This would take longer but would preserve the gimmick that I think set my blog apart. If people are interested, I could release previews to my patrons of the pieces I'm writing as I write them rather than the day before they go live so that patrons could still get rewards for their subscriptions during this hiatus.

Let me know what you guys think! I love you, my audience, so much and want to make sure that you guys are having fun while taking care of myself and my needs. Thanks for your continued support, especially the support of my patrons, you guys make this worth while <3 Happy Holidays!!

[convexicalcrow]

fic: when the void stares back (ren&false)

a/n: posting a bit late bc i've had family stuff going all weekend oml. written for the @hermitadaymay solstice social event! found out too late that my partner wasn't able to participate in the end due to irl stuffs, so i only have a fic for you, but i hope you still enjoy it. <3

read here, or on ao3

-

"Ren."

"Yes, Falsie?"

"Don't you ever get…"

False walked to the small window in the bridge, watching nothing but stars fill the view. She wasn't sure how to word her thoughts. Perhaps she'd been cooped up here too long, maybe that was it. Certainly, she'd broken the silence because it had grown a little too uncomfortable.

"Don't I ever get what?"

"I dunno, I think maybe I thought space would be … more filled with people or something. I wasn't expecting the silence."

Ren joined her and stood next to her, tail wagging gently behind him. "Yeah, well. It is pretty empty this side of the galaxy. We got another two months travel though, do you want to go back into stasis?"

She scrunched her nose up at the thought. "Oh, it's not that. Besides, someone has to keep you sane out here."

Ren laughed. "I mean, that's very true."

She turned to face him and smiled. "Don't want you hallucinating again, do we?"

"Hey, it was one time! And it was the spores, I promise! I'm all good now!" Ren protested.

False gently moved past him, shaking her head. "I mean, you say that Ren."

"Hey!" Ren pretended to sound offended, but even he knew what he was like. "At least this new planet won't have spores, or so Gigacorp tells me."

"Yeah, but their planetary intel is 20 years behind at this point. I mean, even this ship is old for one of her size. There's so much she can't do that the newer ships can. We wouldn't need to travel an extra two months in a new ship, that's all I'm saying. And the squirtapods create more than enough spores as it is," False said.

"True, true. I've been tinkering behind the scenes on all the blueprints, trying to modernise them, but it's hard. So much of the new tech these days doesn't retrofit easily! It's such a pain!" Ren said.

"At least you're trying. Anyway. Not sure I like the idea of another two months of this, but there's not really much choice there, right? Company policy doesn't let us pilot alone, you know that as well as I," False said.

Ren sat down at a console, pretending to idly check the dials. In reality, they didn't need to do much to run the ship. Grumbot kept it all running well enough with the maintenance drones while they were in stasis and would alert them to any issues. All they had to do was pass the time.

"I dunno, maybe I wish I had…"

Ren's voice faded off. False turned to him. "More people? I think that's it. More people."

Ren idly scratched an ear. "Yeah, I think that's it. More people."

-

This ship was too big for the two of them. A Hermetheus class ship needed a crew of at least 50 to feel in any way full of life. With just the two of them, it felt like they were piloting a casket. Maybe if they had crew in stasis, it might feel okay. She could wake them up to get some more company, take her place while she has some time in stasis as well to keep her own sanity. Instead it was just her and Ren, and the vast emptiness of space.

Had she really signed up for this when she joined Gigacorp? Well, yes, actually. That was the whole reason. Get away from, well. Get away from things. And of course, you didn't need a full crew to scout out planets to colonise. A pair will do. Once they find good planets, then the rest of the group can follow to build up the infrastructure needed for the meganodes or whatever they're called.

She smiled grimly at that thought. She was working for a jumped up telco, of all things. Of course, communications were vitally important in space, she knew that as well as anyone, so it made sense. But it still sounded so silly in her head to be travelling around, finding good planets to put big satellite towers on. Hardly felt glamorous, really. They were tradespeople, electricians, not astronauts. Not that she'd go back, of course.

Her hand clasped around her gun again purely out of habit. It sat at her waist, standard issue Gigacorp weaponry to be used when necessary. It wasn't a very good gun though. It had a janky trigger that False did not like, and its accuracy was atrocious. If there wasn't a sensor in the holster to check the gun was still in there, she'd have ditched it for a proper weapon ages ago. But Gigacorp didn't work like that.

She sat on her bed. She'd been having stasis dreams again. Always tended to happen in the few weeks after leaving stasis. She could tell them apart from regular dreams because they were so strange to her. Figments of places, people, memories of building things and rivers and giant eagles and all sorts. Lots of towers on fire and laboratories she didn't really remember the purpose of. Her sister-

She hadn't thought about her sister in a very long time. Hadn't really seen her since she was a kid anyway. Just remembered her standing in the doorway of a burning ship, telling her to run. So she did. False ran.

She'd dreamed of her before, of course, but not like this. She was her sister, seeing through her eyes. Seeing False leaving her behind. Seeing jail cells and dead scientists and fire and a maniacal laughter. It had shaken her to her core. It was just a dream though, right? Yeah, it was just a dream. Stasis hallucinations to keep her mind busy. That's all it was. Perhaps her hand clutched her gun a little tighter, just in case.

-

False busied herself with inventory. There was still a lot to do before they arrived at the planet, and the sooner they had their equipment and supplies organised, the better. At least, it made False rest easy, and it gave her something to do. Ren usually just took care of the navigation and computers, making sure they had all the supplies on order that they needed. There were always some things they had to order in from Gigacorp, and at least they were finally close enough to tap into the local networks to get more up to date information on the planet they were heading to.

False busied herself in the hangar bay where all the ships were. The exploration ships they would take out to find suitable landing spots needed to be supplied with what would be needed to begin a colony, unpacked from the cargo they'd left with. Sand, dirt, grass, seeds, and, of course, squirtapods and their containment equipment.

The droids were doing the heavy lifting. They were faceless silver things, with simple voices and simple functions. Good enough to maintain a ship at a basic level and lift heavy supplies, but that was about it. But then these droids were as old as the ship itself. A newer ship, and newer droids, would do so much more than they could right now.

She sighed as one of the droids stumbled across a grill and nearly dropped the bag of soil it was carrying. "Oi! Don't you go breaking yourself, or it'll be coming out of our wages!"

"Sorry Ms Symmetry," the droid intoned as it straightened itself up. There was no fluid movement here, just a jerky slow correction to its gait and its foot position as it rebalanced itself.

"Yeah, so you should be. Honestly. You have, like, one job! I have like, sixteen! Get it together!" False said, half-serious, half-laughing at the struggling droid.

She got out of the way once the droid had corrected itself. She didn't really need to supervise them. Grumbot was doing that. But she at least wanted to feel busy, so this was what she did with her time. The thing was, the time would pass faster than she always thought it did. Six weeks very quickly turned into two weeks, and that's when the panic kicked in, even though they were very well prepared.

She sat down on the floor, watching the droids pack the ships up. It occurred to her that Ren was, at least, ten minutes away from her. Maybe twenty if the elevators fucked up like they always did. If something happened to her, something the droids couldn't help with, she was dead. Just, straight up dead. Ren would never get to her in time.

That thought sent a shiver up her spine. She didn't want to die, of course. But they were far too few on a ship that was way too big. The nearest ship could be months away, too. Communications could take days to arrive, if they arrived at all. She tried not to think about this too much. It tended to just make her anxious.

"Falsie, how's the inventory going?" came Ren's voice on the radio, breaking the silence.

"Oh, it's going. Droids are packing up the ships. How's things up there? Still heading on the right track?" False said.

"Yeah, all good up here. You want a break? I'll make you a cuppa tea?" Ren said.

False smiled. "Yeah, sure, be right there."

-

She wasn't, of course, right there. It did take a while to navigate back to the bridge. But she found Ren sitting there with a thermos of tea and a plate of biscuits, a rare treat they'd been saving for months. Thankfully, they had kept well. They'd moved a spare table and chairs into the bridge as there wasn't really anywhere close to take a break or just sit down without risking spilling things onto the consoles. False took a seat and Ren poured her a cup of tea.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ren said.

"Oh, you know, the vastness of space, how alone we are, how we really should have more crew here, the usual." She laughed to dismiss the fears in her head. It was fine. She was fine.

Ren laughed. "Yeah I hear you, hey Falsie? Wish Gigacorp would stop hoarding their money and get us more crew members. There's all those stasis pods going to waste for crying out loud!"

"I just can't imagine it's cheaper or more efficient to run a ship this big with only two people as opposed to like, I dunno, fifty, you know? We could get prepared for landing in a week instead of two months," False said.

Ren sighed. "Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Look, I have told them this repeatedly, but do they listen? No! Of course not! There's too much of the universe to explore, they can't spare 50 person crews for every ship!"

"No, I mean, it's not like they're the richest and only corporation in the universe. Can't hurt those profit margins though, can we now? That's why we run in old ships. Too expensive to get new ones," False said.

"Yeah, well, there's worse jobs out there for sure. At least we get to see a bunch of different planets though! That's good, right?" Ren said.

"I mean, I guess? But you can do that on your own. You can just buy a ship with a warp drive and you're set. Small ones aren't that expensive anymore if it's just you," False said.

"What do you think I did before Gigacorp? I went to so many cool planets, Falsie! And now I get to do it as a job! It's so awesome! Don't you think it's awesome?" Ren said, the enthusiasm clear in his voice.

"I guess so, maybe. If you like exploring," False said.

"Don't you like exploring? Surely you must like exploring! Why else would you sign up for these missions?" Ren said.

False shrugged and took a sip of her tea. "Sometimes you just need to- Never mind."

"Oh! Also! I finally managed to get some images of the planet we're going to! Current ones!" Ren said.

He got up and headed over to the console to bring up the pictures. He flicked through a series of pictures of the planet's surface. They showed a rocky planet with pockets of ocean and green land. It didn't look promising to False.

"I bet it's another uninhabited world," False said, going to join him.

"It might not be! There could be life there! Life can thrive anywhere!" Ren said enthusiastically.

"Hmm." False was not yet convinced. "It's just, thirteen out of the last fourteen worlds were uninhabited, is all I'm saying."

"Look, not every planet can have abundant intelligent life! That's actually what we're doing here! We go to a planet, see if it can sustain life, and leave that information for Gigacorp to deal with. Then we move on to the next assignment. It's a perfectly fine system," Ren said.

"What do Gigacorp do with all these planets anyway?" False said. "Feels like it's just busy work at this point."

"It's for the Giganodes! It's connecting the Gigaverse together! Why wouldn't you want to be involved with that?" Ren said.

"So what you're saying is that we're the chumps installing satellite. We're doing the boring cable laying gruntwork of the Gigaverse more like," False said. "I'm not paid enough to care that much about the Gigacorp vision, if I'm honest."

"Aww, come on, it's great work we're doing here! Spreading the love of Gigacorp to new and exciting planets!" Ren said.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Ren."

-

False ran her hand over her ship, a small Valkyrie class tucked behind all the Gigacorp vehicles in the hangar. They'd been all over the galaxy together, and she'd smuggled her aboard when she joined Ren as crew. She wasn't as old as the ship they were piloting, but she had a knack for upgrades and repairs, so she was as good as the newest ships out there at the moment. Warp drive, chameleon skin, the works.

She could just fly off. She could get inside, open the doors, and fly off. Leave all of this behind. It wouldn't take much. She could stash enough supplies in here and just go.

She got inside, in spite of herself. It was comfortable in here. She knew this ship better than she knew herself. She always had a stash of emergency supplies in here. Sometimes, it was quicker to take her to rendezvous with supply ships and stations than get their Hermetheus to change course.

It was always nice to get away from the ship for a while. Talk to different people. Catch up with contacts and friends. Upgrade her ship. Profit a little on the side when she could. She knew how to take care of herself. Ren was always fine. She put Grumbot in autopilot and told him not to touch anything, and they were fine.

She sunk into the pilot's chair, her hands going to the controls through muscle memory. The desire to fly away was very strong. But she knew it would pass. Part of the training was dealing with that flight response that came from spending too much time with your partner. She knew it would pass. Just breathe. Find a supply station. Talk to other people. She'd be fine.

She closed her eyes. Imagined saying the words to open the hangar doors. Powering up the ship. Disappearing into the void like she always wanted to do.

She opened her eyes, still sitting in her ship. She shook the itchiness from her body and left, softly touching her nose as she closed the doors and powered down the ship. One day they would fly again. One day. But not today.

-

"Falsie."

"Yes, Ren?"

Ren shifted a little in his chair. "Did you know you'd never see your home again when you joined Gigacorp?"

"I mean." False glanced at him. "To be honest, I'd left home a long time ago. It didn't really worry me. I was already homeless. Best kind of person for these kinds of missions, I think. No attachments."

"Yeah, but like…" Ren paused. "I mean, you can die out here, and who'd even notice? Everyone's so so far away! By the time they get here, we'll just be skellingtons in the sand or something."

"You been having stasis dreams again, hey?" False said. "What's brought all this on?"

"I dunno. I guess the distance kind of just hit me earlier. Seeing how far we are from anywhere, really. I mean, sure there's planets out there close by, but inhabited planets? The last one was the one we left hundreds of light years away, you know?"

"I think you should stop worrying. Nothing much you can do about it. I mean, what do you want me to do? Magically make an inhabited planet appear? If it's getting to you, you can always retire, of course," False said. "Sorry, that sounded mean. But you know what I mean, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Maybe we should stop at that refuelling station coming up in a couple of days. I think I need to get out of this place for a while. It's doing my head in," Ren said, resigned.

False touched his arm for a moment. "Yeah, maybe we just need to get some time off the ship. Before we get to the planet, of course. We don't actually need to refuel, do we?"

"I mean, it doesn't hurt to get everyone topped up before a mission. And we've been travelling a helluva long time to get here, you know?" Ren said. "And, I dunno, maybe it's a good idea, you know, stock up on anything we need before we land."

"Ren, you don't need to justify it this much. We can just stop there, it's fine," False said.

"Yeah, but, like-"

"Ren, it's fine. We might as well if it's close by. And you clearly need a distraction, so. Maybe we take inventory tomorrow, and then we'll know what to pick up while we're there. Then at least it's a business expense," False said.

"True, true." Ren sighed. "I'll be honest, Falsie, there's really only one thing I want, and it's some actual good stinking food! I'm tired of living off the supplemental day rations! I'm wasting away here, Falsie, I swear!"

False smiled. "You're not wrong. I know why it's there, of course, it's all that will survive the journey, but god, I could do with some actual food."

"We're gonna dine out so stinking good, I promise. So much good food we can take to the planet with us! That'll set us up for a good start," Ren said.

"Yeah, of course," False said.

Ren fell quiet. He got up and went over to the navigation console. False saw him adjust their trajectory to head to the refuelling station. They were lucky one was close by. Sometimes they were months away, and they would have to get by on base power until they got there. Which, to be fair, was not that hard to do with only the two of them. Sometimes, they could go into stasis if there was enough power, but other times, it was just to isolate themselves in a small corner of the ship, power that for life support, and shut down most of the rest of the ship.

It would be nice to be off the ship, though. Talk to some different people. See some different things. Trade in some of the, well. Some of the things she'd collected over the years. If she'd learned anything at all over her lifetime, it was to keep your own money that your employer couldn't touch. You never know when you'll need to make an escape.

[zynnth]

WELL WELL WELL IF IT ISNT ANOTHER MARTIN LORE STREAM TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY

(My AU of the Eyes and Ears AU)

Alright so this stream from today confirmed a couple of things I was wordering about previously and that got my gears turning again. There were quite a lot of lore drops but for now I'm once again mainly going to focus on the Watchers and how they feed on the emotions of the players.

This got mentioned a fair amount throughout the stream but the moment that stood out to me the most was towards the end, where someone briefly asked whether the Watchers could starve if they don't have any emotions to absorb. Turns out that the answer was a very straightforward "yes". This intrigues me especially, since this is an idea that I have been turning around in my head quite a bit previously, especially when writing this and this post.

I've already talked about how both Joel's victory in Wild Life and Scott's finale in Last Life went against what the Watchers wanted in terms of producing these intense negative feelings, but I haven't yet put into words what exactly that meant for these beings. This was mainly due to the fact that the necessity of feeding on emotions was still dubious as far as I was concerned, but now that has been cleared up. They do need it, and failing to do so will apparenly have severe concequences for them.

Now my interpretation of the lore is slightly different from Martin's, mainly in regards to the fact that in my version, all of the players are at least somewhat aware of the existence of the Watchers, and maybe even the Listeners, and their involvement in the games. The reason why they don't seem to fight back apart from a couple of instances, is the same reason why they usually don't carry over emotions from one game to another. The Watchers take away that resentment too, but as we've seen, it keeps coming back in some form.

My immediate conclusion was that in order to get rid of them, the players would have to overcome the negativity of the situation and either remain relatively neutral or thrive on the positive feelings instead. Part of this has already been achieved courtesy of Grian, who purposefully brings lightheartedness into these death games, seemingly keeping quite a lot of ugly feelings at bay and therefore opposing the Watchers' will. What's interesting though, is that Grian himself is a Watcher as well, who also feasts on emotions. Contrary to the other Watchers however, who prefer negative feelings over the rest, Grian has a more "balanced diet". In other words, he takes both positive and negative ones, not willing to exploit the suffering of his friends. This implies that regardless of whether the players have a fun time or not, the Watchers will still be able to sustain themselves.

The problem with this though is that my initial thought of starving them out to get rid of them wouldn't quite work. Maybe they will move on to another set of players to use once they realise they've harvested as much as they could from these ones, and although that would solve the issue of them tormenting these people, the existence of the death games would still continue.

I guess it wasn't entirely confirmed whether positive feelings are enough for Watchers to maintain themselves so there is still a possibility that it would at least weaken them in some way, enough to give the players a fighting chance.

With that in mind I still think that the key to fighting back is to not give them what they want. Even if that won't starve them out completely, it might just inconvenience the Watchers enough to give the Listeners, or maybe the players themselves an opening to make a drastic move. It won't be easy and it certainly won't be possible just by themselves, but with allies on their side, it might just be possible if they have a little bit of hope and trust.

And we all know how the Watchers feel about trust.

[onlyinitforthefandoms]

Raimbows are so cool and pretty like. Earth crys and then the light decides to just like... make colors??? Everyone needs a freind like the light.

[bixels]

While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.

Bye.

[unicornpopcorn14]

Was looking through a 'bsd official art' drive folder and found this

I'm sorry,,, no one talks about this official art??? Of Chuuya, Dazai and Rimbaud drinking boba??? At a normal location like a cafe??? And them being all chill???

I mean I have no idea what they're saying but Chuuya's expression can only translate to "I wanna beat this bitch up"