#Okay but in all seriousness there are a few driving factors that I suspect

[willow-p012]

Why is Amane Momose one of the most misunderstood Milgram characters? Why, I'm glad you asked! In this 3 hour video essay I will

[rasp-passion-two]

Hello, sorry if this is annoying but can you explain how Himiko is neurodivirgent, I don't mean to come off as rude or anything, I just don't know much about the topic and am curious? Sorry to cause any trouble.

It’s absolutely not any trouble!! I love talking about how Himiko shows signs of being neurodivergent. It hits close to home specifically since not only is she one of my favorite characters, but I relate to her a lot. Okay, this might be a bit long, so sorry about that lol:

So in case you don’t know exactly what it is, neurodiversity is when mentally your brain is wired differently than normal, or “neurotypical”, peoples brains. Especially with considerably easy functions like socialising, thinking, learning, developing or ageing, and many others. Many disorders can fall under the neurodiversity spectrum. ADHD, BPD, autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dyslexia, and many others.

Personally, I think Himiko would fall into the category of being autistic, which has a lot going into it, but can be summed up as a developmental disorder that involves delays in communication, thinking, social situations, and basic human understanding.

Though there is a thread on Twitter that does a good job covering certain criterias that I won’t end up covering (her lack of understanding of social cues, development delays, the reason why she’s depressed, etc.) and it’s really good!!

Below, I’ll list the traits that, in my opinion, Himiko possesses that are common in ND people. Not all of them will be listed, just the bigger ones:

Talking in a slow, almost “emotionless” way

Himiko talks a certain way throughout the whole of the game, rarely ever changing even when she’s expressing very strong emotions. From the very first line she speaks, Himiko talks about something exciting to her, but still sounds very flat and unenthused. Most ND people will always speak in the same tone of voice no matter what. Sometimes, it's very flat and monotone, like Himikos. Sometimes they'll speak slowly either to gather together what they want to say next, or that's just how they were wired to speak. (Almost exactly like Jataro from DR:AE who speaks in a similar way. Who also has a few neurodivergent traits. But that's just a theory c:)

Childish behavior

This usually ranges, but Himiko has a few traits that neurodivergent people have that others consider “too childish”. She’s extremely naive in how she perceives the world, people around her, and their intentions with interacting with her. Like when Kaito asked her to bring her a crossbow of all things and it takes little for her to be convinced to assist him. Or when Kokichi makes fun of her, and she doesn't always gets it. She's sometimes able to understand, but mostly she doesn't understand that he's just taking advantage of her innocence to treat her how he does with others. She takes things everyone says at face value and believes them easily. Her peers consider her to be a bit slow in many areas, almost in a childlike way. She almost has a child-level understanding of vocabulary (i.e. pronounces words the way children do like how the way she says magic almost sounds like “myagic”, her vocabulary is pretty limited, and she usually starts using certain words that she hears others use). When having her Master brought up with the possibility that he left her selfishly and that she was better than him, she always denies it, keeping an innocent mentality so she won’t feel too bad. After being motivated to move forward, she’s seen a lot to want to be helpful to the group and do something useful, and in return they, in my opinion, view that behavior how older people view a child wanting to be helpful to them. The thread above goes more into detail (her bathroom issues, having a unique way of remembering and referring to objects), but these are only some of the examples for Himiko's maturity.

Being a “gifted child” when she was young

This is entirely my speculation since this is never addressed in canon, but Himiko strikes me as a former “gifted child” which most NDs go through. Her “gift” was discovered at a young age and she was really skilled at it. She was known for it by huge masses of people and praised for it. She even had to save the person who saw the talent in her and taught her everything she knows about it when he made a mistake. She gets invited to all types of events because of it. Lot’s of ND kids who were thought of as “gifted'' may have gone through the same thing. It would also explain why she’s so depressed and unmotivated through most of the game, as a result of what’s called “gifted child syndrome”. Having so much praise and expectations set on her so young. Getting older and not having the same energy for it as you had before. Technically all the DR kids are former gifted children, since they're the product of a company exploiting their "gifts", which is a factor in how the world ended in the way it was. But Himiko has more, you could say "traditional" symptoms and after-effects of growing up as a gifted child (depressed, lack of motivation, lack of motivation in her subject, etc.).

Being viewed as lazy

Even though she takes what she's passionate about seriously, less than when she was younger or not, Himiko doesn't always take action with magic, and even everyday tasks. ND people usually lack any sort of drive, sometimes having an “I’ll come back to it later” mentality, excited about it or not. Himiko lacks any drive and motivation throughout the game, even at the idea of being killed, or put in the line of suspicion for someone's killer. She’ll always make excuses on why she can’t act on things, the most common being “she doesn’t have enough MP”. Which goes back to her talent as a magician, which she is especially sluggish in.

Bottling in her emotions and not wanting them to show. But when she does, it results in an on-going meltdown

We all saw it in its prime during the end of the third trial after all, right? Himiko was sort of always closed in, but it wasn't extreme since she hadn't hit her lowest yet. When she did though, (being the prime suspect of Ryoma dying, her closest friends Tenko and Angie dying, being one of the suspects of one of their murders, etc.) She still attempted to hold it all in, which ND people do for a variety of reasons (not knowing how to process extreme emotions, not wanting too much attention by expressing them, or choosing unhealthy ways to process your feelings, amongst others). But once Kokichi called her out for the second time? Not only was everything practically gushing out of her face, but she literally passed out from crying for so long. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that myself, ha. 

The same thing happened in the last trial kind of. Once the truth of the killing game and their identities is revealed, she seems to have a meltdown. It could be from the overwhelmingness of the situation. It could be the amount of "change" of the situation, which she doesn't even remember. It could also be overstimulating tones with the change in environment, the info dumping, and how everyone jumped from topic to topic etc. Meltdowns are normal for ND people, especially since they usually hold in their feelings. Himiko got better at expressing herself, but meltdowns will still happen once something overwhelming occurs (it's a great way to let out steam!!)

Stimming

Stimming is when someone, ND or not, self-stimulates themselves by repeatedly moving in some way either by speaking, moving either themselves or something else, or watching someone else do it. Most of the time, you can see Himiko fidgeting with her fingers or with her hat. Doing something with her hands, which is a form of stimming

Despite that, Himiko most noticeably stims by speaking, as she sometimes repeats stuff others say, sometimes repeats a word in order to comfort herself and her beliefs (saying “it’s magic” over and over, either in retaliation or in general), and has a go-to word that she’ll always use almost every sentence when she doesn’t know what to say, is caught off guard/by surprise, or just when she starts and ends her sentences (y’know like, “nyeh”?).

“Odd” facial features/expressions

This one presents itself a lot in the game and through her design as well. Her lip stays tucked out all the time, her eyes don’t always stay open, and her face often keeps the same expression (tired and kind of bored). Just like when she speaks, even when she's expressing intense emotions, she'll keep a mellow expression. She lifts her hat into the air and not much changes expression-wise. She'll be accusatory to someone and not much changes expression-wise. To certain people she interacts with, they think her face is "weird" since it'll pull in ways it usually doesn't for NT people. It could be because she's trying to force the look on herself so it's more easier for people to read (which is shown to be the case for most people), but it's also possible that it's just how she looks. Since she's older, she has more freedom to make more strategies to have more natural expressions, but it's still off-putting to some of her peers.

The infamous saying, “she comes off as annoying”

Many people know this one well, and Himiko is no different, especially in the earlier chapters. Almost everything stated above is a factor that plays in people's disdain for Himiko, in the game and the fandom. Characters like Shuichi, Kaede, Tenko, and even Angie are one of the only few people who try to understand and adjust to Himiko's behavior in their own method, while everyone else either ignores her, doesn’t take her seriously, or even end up bullying her because of it, not willing to adjust themselves for her specific brand of behavior. Being an obvious target, coming off as weird, being too blunt and coming off as rude (which even caused her having strained relationships with K1-B0, Miu, etc.), sometimes hyperfixating too hard on magic (her “special interest”), all seem to be a reason for people thinking she’s too high maintenance.

,,,this ask sure is a month old isn’t it? retrdfyugihhuyt I am EXTREMELY sorry I answered this so late, but I haven’t been online lately because of moving, but at least I managed to finish this in less than a day lol. It’s long, but I love Himiko, and love all the quirks that make her who she is, and am happy to explain it to others!! I hope this answered your questions either way (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[essekknits]

A few tips for a tutor (or a student)

Now, I’m a tutor. I never studied it, I’m a high school graduate who was looking to earn some money to pay for driving lessons so their parents wouldn’t have to. But somehow I apparently got better results than any adult that taught those kids before. So here’s what I learned.

People know the things that make them comfortable in learning. They know them better than me. On my first lesson with any student, I make it very clear that this is not school, and if there’s anything that makes them feel more focused, be it music, or playing with their pencils, or drumming on the table or anything at all, they can do it. So one of my students always fidgets with her pencil. Another student I had would mix cards. One had the tv on as background noise.

Learn different ways to do the same thing. Not every method of teaching works for every student, and sometimes I had to go through five different ways of explaining the same assignment before my student got the idea. That’s okay and natural. Everyone’s brains work differently.

Learn not just how to do something, but why. Especially important if you teach maths. Teachers don’t actually teach what Pi means until high school, and sometimes not even then, when you use Pi since 6th grade. For most of my students, learning what Pi actually meant made it a lot easier to study circles and learn the formulas related to them. So many other formulas too. When you teach your students the “Why”, it can help them make sense out of the “How”. It doesn’t always work, but in many cases it does so it’s worth it.

If there’s a difficulty somewhere, try playing with outside factors. The problem might be somewhere different than you think. In the year I’ve been doing this, I met kids that told me “I hate reading, I can’t do it” (I teach most of my students English as a second language, so it’s usually English where I encounter it, but I got it in Hebrew too). But the simple act of moving the text to Word, dividing it to smaller paragraphs and changing the font to something more comfortable to read (you’d be surprised how nice Comic Sans can be to read), made a huge difference. She’s thriving. No, it didn’t solve all the problems. She still has a very small vocabulary, but all of a sudden she can read. She doesn’t mix the letters as much as she did. She doesn’t skip lines or struggle with words she knows as much as she used to.

Divide the studying time. I work on full hour basis, and some of my students take an hour and a half, or two hours. Divide studying times.If you have multiple subjects, divide your lesson into different parts. If you have only one subject, allow short breaks. I let my students complain about their school experience. I share some of mine with them. I let them tell me about their day or week while we’re working, or when we take a break. Maybe this works just because I’m closer to their age, but I seriously doubt that, because I used to do the same with my seventy years old piano teacher.

Shorten the studying time if you need. Leave something in the end that your student actually likes as a reward. Like, we studied boring maths for a whole hour? Let’s finish with thirty minutes of talking about black holes, cause holy shit they’re cool. The subjects are endless. In those end segments, I already discussed god and biblical stories, Greek myths, black holes, hemophilia and how Queen Victoria almost killed all of Europe’s monarchies, axolotls, water bears, and platypuses (she didn’t know they were a real thing. She thought they’re something Phineas and Ferb invented). This Sunday I’m planning a short lesson about the immune system and vaccines (we didn’t get to do them in a while because of tests).

Music is the best way to learn a language. When I teach 6th graders English, I let them analyse Beatles songs. That way they enjoy music while also learning vocabulary and grammar. Disclaimer on this one: Queen songs are NOT good for this. They’re for older students to learn English. Not for 6th graders.

Can’t believe I have to say that, but don’t talk over your students. Be on their level. Kids learn a lot better when you are their equal instead of an authority figure. Humanise yourself. Tell them about a failure you had in the subject you’re studying, cause they’re most likely failing the subject now and are terrified that you’ll judge them.

While we’re at it, establish that you’re never going to judge them for failing, not understanding or asking questions. You’ll need to remind them every lesson that if there’s anything they don’t understand they need to stop you and ask, and you’ll never judge them. No matter how stupid they think their question is, no matter how many times they asked it, it’s okay and you’ll be happy to explain it again.

Don’t let your students say “I can’t do it”. A kid that says “I can’t do it”, or “I’m just not good at it”, is a student who is giving up. Change that way of thinking. Turn “I’m not good at it” into “we didn’t find the right way to do it yet”. When they say “I can’t do it”, point at a similar assignment that they already completed, and say “I don’t know about you, but this makes me think you can definitely do it”. Let them know you believe in their abilities. Challenge them to think that they can do it.

While answering an assignment, ask the student to tell you everything that comes to their mind. No matter how stupid they think it is, ask them to tell you their first thought. I learned that often those first thoughts, and the entire thought process, are really close to what needs to be done. They just need to look at it differently.

Sometimes, you won’t be able to teach. Accept that. In some lessons, your student will be unfocused, or bothered by something else, or distressed after something happened in their life. Maybe they had a fight with their siblings, maybe they have a relative who isn’t doing so well, maybe they had drama in their friend group. It happens. It’s out of your control. Try your best to help them focus, but accept that maybe you won’t succeed. Accept that maybe they’ll need to just vent it all, or they won’t be cooperative, or they’ll take their anger and frustration out on you (especially relevant in younger students). It happens. Don’t let them take their anger out on you, but don’t get angry back. Be kind and patient. Even if you didn’t manage to teach anything that lesson, you might be able to help a little, and that matters just as much if not more.

For the love of everything that is good, back your student up in front of their parents! If the parent belittle’s the child’s achievements while the three of you are together, tell them that you think they’re making a great effort and improving very well. If it was a hard lesson, and you didn’t manage to learn a lot, say you decided to give them a break in studying in order to learn to understand them better, so the next lessons would be more beneficial to all of you. Don’t get me wrong, if the kid doesn’t make an effort it’s a whole other story, and you should make the parents aware that there is a problem (still, without pointing fingers and shaming your student, and with as much subtlety and gentleness possible). But back your student up in front of their parents. Let them feel that if their parents are pressuring them too much, they have some form of authority that says “yes, things aren’t as good as we’d like them to be, but your efforts and improvements are recognised and appreciated”. If possible, help the parent acknowledge and recognise the improvement and effort.

Dont assume that your student is neurotypical!!! Please, don’t assume that your student is neurotypical, because if you do, you won’t be able to recognise the signs that they might not be. And if you don’t recognise the signs, you won’t know to help them. Many kids who need tutoring are ND. I suspect the majority of my students are ND. If I didn’t look for the signs I know (being ND myself and learning in a class full of other ND people), I wouldn’t have been able to help them study the way I did. According to their parents, I managed to help them in a way no other tutor ever did. One of my students’ grades in English jumped from 60 to 100 after two lessons, just two, because I knew how to approach the problems differently, in a way that would help and make sense for her.

All these advice are phrased as advice to a tutor teaching other students, but honestly? These would’ve probably helped me as a student as well. Treat yourself the way you would treat a student you are teaching. Learn what works for you. Listen to yourself. Be kind to yourself. I know studying is hard, and school can be hell sometimes, but you can get through.

[kiruuuuu]

YOU GOT IT ANON!! (Rating G, GOOD TIMES BETWEEN PALS, ~1.3k words)

.

Ash bursts into the gym with a look of bored determination, making very clear to everyone in her vicinity that if it was for her, she wouldn’t be here but now that she is, she’s going to get what she came for, goddammit. Looking around, she spots Sledge deadlifting more than her weight, Rook on the treadmill chatting with Frost and Thermite doing squats in her immediate vicinity, with a few other operators on machines in the back. “Listen up”, she announces to the first four and puts her hands on her hips, “my car’s still busted and I need to go shopping, so one of you is going to accompany me to the mall. Any volunteers?”

Instantly, a look of alarm flits over everyone’s faces and Rook and Frost almost simultaneously shout: “Not it!”

“Hey, that’s not how it works”, Thermite complains with a frown, prompting a sweet smile from the redhead.

“Jordan, then. How nice of you to offer your help! You can pick me up after you’re done and then we’ll have the whooooole day – just the two of us, a shopping mall, and the entire afternoon.”

It’s either Thermite’s hopeless, despairing expression or genuine niceness that prompts Sledge to point out: “I don’t mind giving you a lift, you know. I’ve got the day off.”

She forgot to factor in that Sledge is nothing but helpful and reliable, so she quickly comes up with an excuse: “Thank you, but actually, his whining is music to my ears. See you in a bit, Jordan!” And with a pleasant wave and a triumphant smile, she leaves again, already hearing Thermite grumble behind her back.

.

Ash’s shopping sprees are as widely known as they are feared. Usually, she enlists Thermite’s help, dragging him away for an inordinate amount of time and returning him in a worrying state of exhaustion at the end of the day, so whenever she announces thinking about going to her favourite mall, most everyone recoils in horror and/or tries to subtly nudge Thermite in her direction. Once, Castle generously offered himself despite Ash’s protests and ended up watching her try on about a hundred nearly identical pairs of shoes before he swore never to repeat this ever again. Luckily, no one so far has noticed that Ash regularly asks certain people for company to whom Thermite coincidentally owes a few favours so that they pretty much always end up going together – probably since everyone else is just relieved that they got away unscathed.

“Okay, so what do you want to do today?”, Thermite inquires as they’re on their way to his car, keys jangling while he throws them up in the air and catches them again. There’s no trace of his previous dread left on his face, instead he looks absolutely thrilled.

“I want to buy a few blouses, some sunglasses and stop by that deco store to get a flowerpot. You?” The doors unlock with a clack and they get in with an air of routine, Ash adjusting the seat so she has maximum leg room, Thermite switching the CD in the player with practised ease.

“I want to get a roomba, tape a can of deodorant on it so that it sprays consistently, set it on fire and then let it drive around the base, striking fear into everyone’s hearts”, he replies in the same tone of voice Ash used, as if this was a completely sensible suggestion. “Or fill a few Supersoakers with lighter fluid and then distribute zippos in -”

“How about we compromise?”, Ash interrupts him with a grin. “And meet somewhere in the middle?”

Thermite nods with a grin. “Sounds good to me.”

.

They spend the car ride loudly singing and dancing to their usual music, prompting amusement and laughter from people in cars that stop next to them at traffic lights – some even miming cranking down the window only to join in with the singing when they do. In the beginning, Ash had to painstakingly play DJ with the plethora of CDs stuffed into the glove compartment, the various doors and even between the seats to find a good mix of upbeat songs to which they both know the lyrics, but by now, Thermite has burned them all on one disc, leaving Ash more time to do other productive things like expressively dancing to the Las Ketchup song or pointing out literally every dog she spots only for them to coo together.

When they arrive at the mall, they basically rush into Ash’s favourite store, snatch a few blouses in the right size that look presentable before Ash throws them on over her top right in the middle of the aisles to bypass the changing rooms, decide on a handful in record time and pay within five minutes. The sunglasses require more time mostly because Thermite insists on trying on every single one available and even ends up buying a hot pink pair when Ash assures him between tears of laughter that they complement his hair perfectly and he’d regret it forever if he didn’t get them. Afterwards, Thermite wears the flowerpot Ash wants to purchase as a hat and refuses to take it off even at the till to which Ash rolls her eyes but at least it seems to make the cashier’s day, seeing as she smiles after them even though she looked almost grumpy when they entered the store.

Once everything is stored in the car, Ash checks the time. “Twenty minutes”, she announces, “not bad. We’ve been faster before though.”

“Nice. So, what’s the plan now, Liza? Can we stop by McDonald’s?”

“Definitely not, for two reasons: First, you ate right before we left, I saw the crumbs on your shirt, and second, I’m not watching you pour mayo all over your fries like someone who has lost control of his life.”

“Fine”, he murmurs dejectedly, “what then?”

“We have two options: minigolf or an escape room that’s reasonably close. What do you think?”

He ponders the question for a moment. “Why not both?”

“Of course both, Jordan, I’m just asking which one you wanna do first.”

“Oh! Escape room, since we need to work together. Minigolf is probably going to nuke our willingness to cooperate, especially if I win by a landslide.”

Ash scoffs. “Sure you will.” Then she turns the CD back on.

.

When the two of them return at the end of the day, Thermite is met with sympathetic glances that almost make Ash laugh. So far, no one seems to suspect anything as most people have stopped tentatively offering Thermite their help due to how tired both of them look every time they go ‘shopping’. “How was it?”, Twitch asks out of politeness because it’s very clear to them how it went: Ash is carrying nothing but a laughably small bag with her purchases despite the fact they were out for hours.

“Kill me”, Thermite responds and collapses on a sofa. “She tried on a million things and none of them were good enough.”

“And I had to listen to you flirting with that cashier for half an hour”, Ash butts in accusingly. “Terribly, too. He seriously did the do you come here often. To the fucking staff!”

“I’m never doing this again”, Thermite complains loudly and winks at her when he’s sure no one’s looking.

“And I’m never asking you again”, Ash retorts and flashes him a grin. She has no doubt that next time, Thermite’s going to wear those hideous sunglasses.

[edgedadhell]

Swallowing Matches (E)

Title: Swallowing Matches

Rating: E

Tags: Established Relationship, Retribution Spoilers, Pre-Fall of Overwatch, Angry Sex, Rough Sex, Porn with Feelings, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex

Read @AO3 

Jack is pacing feverishly when the dropship lands, doesn’t stop even when the door opens and four blood-spattered agents wearily exit.

“Debriefing, Commander Reyes, now,” he barks, and turns and strides away, knowing Gabriel will follow. Where one of them goes, the other follows. Or at least, that’s what Jack had thought. Now he wonders just what is going on inside Gabriel’s head.

For now Gabriel’s footsteps echo behind his own.

“Strike Commander, sir,” Jack hears McCree start, hastily trying to catch up to the two of them.

“Did I ask for you, agent?” Jack snarls, and is vaguely satisfied when McCree’s footsteps stop. Still Gabriel follows silently. The corridors stretch out long and empty before them, devoid of any other agents.

Finally Jack can’t take it anymore, and he whirls on Gabriel, who is clearly taken by surprise as Jack wraps his fingers in Gabriel’s collar, using his momentum to slam the other man through a nearby door and into a nearly-empty storage closet. He slams the door shut behind them. “What were you even thinking?” Jack says, but it’s all he can get out before he’s kissing Gabriel, pressing their chests together and feeling his wild heartbeat thrum through his pulse. Fuck, it’s proof that Gabe is alive, that he’s here, but suddenly it’s not enough for Jack, and he scrabbles at the remaining vestiges of body armor, letting it fall to the floor as he bites and licks at Gabriel’s lips, pouring his harsh words out into the kiss and into Gabriel’s open mouth.

Gabriel’s hands are on Jack’s waist, under the blue duster, also grappling with armor and clothing, trying desperately to claw their way to skin. Gabriel’s trembling, Jack realizes, and for a split second he realizes that Gabe was scared, scared that he wasn’t going to make it back this time, scared that he was going to sacrifice his agents’ lives and break his promise to Jack.

It drives the need inside Jack higher, and he rips Gabriel’s beanie off with one hand, throwing it to the floor as the two of them continue to kiss like their lives depend on it, tongues slicking together. Gabriel bites down on Jack’s bottom lip, hard, finally pushing Jack’s duster and body armor off so that it hits the ground with a thud. Jack groans into Gabe’s mouth, tries to stifle himself as Gabriel pushes a leg in between Jack’s and grinds against him, both of them hard and aching. They’re each trying to pull the other one closer, as close as possible, two bodies trying to occupy the same space and never let go.

A hand creeps into Jack’s hair, pulls his head back and to the side roughly, and Jack hisses as Gabriel is suddenly biting and kissing his neck, moving up to Jack’s chin and then his ear. “I did what I had to,” Gabriel says, and Jack growls, tries to wrench his head away but Gabriel’s hand is still in his hair and there’s just a starburst of pain, bright and hot and tingling at the back of Jack’s head. He shudders slightly in Gabriel’s grasp, his own hands frantically pawing at the clasp of Gabriel’s pants, and Jack curses at every single one of his fucking belts keeping him from what he wants.

Suddenly, all Jack can think about is total skin-on-skin contact, the heat between them burning away the dread still creeping up his throat, the dark fear that he’s not coming back this time. There’s a roiling pit of anger in his stomach, leeching out through his entire body, strangling his heart as it meets the aching void that hides just behind his ribs, where the cold certainty that this time is the last lives inside him. His eyes burn, but Jack blinks rapidly.

“Naked,” he spits, is vaguely pleased at the confused, affronted look Gabriel gives him as he is interrupted from his mission to suck a line of bruises on Jack’s neck. “I want you naked right now.”

Gabriel smirks at him, backs up slightly in the cramped space of the closet. “That’s an order I can get behind,” he says, quickly unzipping his hoodie and pants, leaving them to pool on the floor beneath them. As he strips, Jack takes in Gabriel’s body, the way the muscles flex and bunch under his skin, the scars that Jack knows are a roadmap to Gabriel’s life, their life, shared together wholly. He frowns slightly, part of him noticing patches of dried blood with no corresponding wounds —their healing factor isn’t that fast— before the more pressing matter at hand takes over his focus.

“Anything else?” Gabriel asks, and Jack grinds his teeth at the purposefully light tone of his voice. Like he isn’t taking this —any of this— seriously. But Jack can see his cock thick and straining between his thighs, so he isn’t completely unaffected at least.

Jack feels like his head is buzzing, his hands shaking as he also strips down, kicks off his boots with a thud that seems to echo in the small space between them. Everything is just— Jack doesn’t know what to do, right now, and he thinks the last time he felt this helpless was back during the Omnic Crisis, the week he spent next to Gabriel’s hospital bed, waiting desperately for him to wake up. It’s nearly the same feeling as now, with an added layer of righteous anger on top. How dare Gabriel do this to him, to them, put himself in danger, put their lives’ work in danger, for a reason Jack suspects he will not divulge.

And underneath all that, underneath the fuzzy fury and clawing fear, Jack feels nothing but sweet, hot relief that Gabriel came back to him.

Jack opens his mouth, not quite sure what, exactly, is about to come out. Gabriel waits, patient. Displaying all the patience he did not use in his mission.

“Fuck me,” Jack says, the words surprising him. But as soon as he says them, he knows that is exactly what he wants right now. He wants Gabriel inside him, wants to feel him deep and hot to prove to himself that he’s still here, that they’re still alive. He needs Gabe to melt the cold fear that is threatening to strangle his heart and lungs until he suffocates from the inside out. “Fuck me,” Jack says again, stronger this time, and he turns and braces himself against the back wall of the closet, ignoring the few shelves of cleaning supplies above his head.

He turns slightly, watching Gabriel from the corner of his eye as the other man stares at him for a moment too long, almost as though he can’t believe Jack’s demand. Then he blinks, like he’s refocusing, and Jack sees that fucking smirk appear on his face again as Gabriel bends down to his discarded belts and flips open one of the canisters, pulling out the small bottle of lube he always keeps in there.

Gabriel’s hands are trembling again, Jack realizes with a start, but then he is behind him, lube-slicked fingers probing at his entrance, one sliding in easily, familiar, known. Jack bites his lower lip against any noises that threaten to spill from his mouth. He knows those are Gabe’s favorite, and he’s still angry.

Gabriel is hot against his back, hot and solid and here, stay here, please don’t leave, and Jack can feel the head of Gabe’s cock against the back of his thigh, hard and a little wet. Another finger slides in, and Jack tenses, has to bite down even harder on his lip as Gabriel scissors them, opens Jack up for him. Gabriel’s other hand is on his waist, canting his hips up slightly, widening Jack’s stance for easier access. He can hear Gabriel breathing harshly through his nose, fingers twisting in and out of Jack, trying to get Jack to break.

Twisting, Jack brings a hand up and grasps the back of Gabriel’s head, pulling him into another biting, dirty kiss that leaves both of them breathless. Gabriel’s hair is soft under his fingers, a sure sign that it’s getting longer and that Gabriel will be shaving it again soon. His lips are soft but the kiss is not, and Gabriel takes the opportunity to thrust another finger inside Jack, catching him unaware. Jack stiffens and moans slightly, then bites Gabriel’s bottom lip hard in retaliation.

Jack breaks the kiss, leans one forearm against the wall for better leverage, and reaches down to palm his own hard, neglected cock. The touch sparks a rush through him, pleasure pooling in his gut, and suddenly Jack needs, needs Gabriel inside him right now, doesn’t care if he’s not quite ready.

“I’m ready,” he pants, and Gabriel doesn’t even question him, just pulls his fingers out to slick his cock up. Jack keens at the emptiness, grips the base of his cock tight in an effort to not break down right there and beg.

He isn’t quite open, and both of them curse as Gabriel enters him, pushing slowly inside. It hurts, but it’s so delicious, Gabriel’s cock hot like a brand and thick inside him, filling him up exactly how Jack needs. Gabriel is panting in his ear, and Jack feels like everywhere they touch, from Gabriel’s chest against his back, his hands on Jack’s waist, his dick inside him, is on fire, warming Jack up and immolating the dank despair within. Gabriel thrusts slightly, buries more of himself inside Jack, and Jack lets out a shuddering moan, hand curling into a fist against the wall of the closet.

Gabriel finally bottoms out and the two of them take a moment to breathe, soft panting filling the air as Jack adjusts. He knows Gabriel is waiting for his okay, and for a brief, blinding moment, Jack is terrifyingly angry at the way Gabriel has decided to listen to him now.

“I said, fuck me,” Jack snarls, and he only gets a sharp inhale as warning before Gabriel is obeying him, hips pistoning in and out, zero to sixty in less than a second. Jack coughs out a laugh that devolves into a drawn out moan, feeling the way Gabriel’s hips smack against his ass, over and over again, the slap of flesh loud in the air. It’s overwhelming, it’s all-encompassing, it’s angry: Gabriel is panting out sharp, bitten off breaths behind Jack as he pumps his hips, and it feels like he’s trying to push Jack into the wall with every thrust, but Jack pushes back every time, cants his hips up as Gabriel fucks into over and over.

The burn fades, leaves behind nothing but searing pleasure as Jack is rocked nearly up onto his toes with each thrust, feeling every inch of Gabriel’s cock as it fucks in and out of him. Gabriel tags his prostate on one thrust, and Jack can’t even try to stop the moan that tears from his throat at that. He can feel Gabriel smile against his neck, his face tucked into the slope of Jack’s shoulder, and suddenly nearly every thrust is grinding against his prostate. Jack curses even as he scrabbles at the wall, his dick wet and shiny with precome between his legs.

And then Gabriel is clutching Jack to his chest, one arm around Jack’s waist, the other curled over his chest, and his hips are moving in slow, grinding thrusts as he gasps and pants into Jack’s shoulder. Jack feels —is that wetness? Is Gabe crying?— against his back, and then Gabriel is locking up, hips giving one, two, five quick thrusts before he buries himself completely inside of Jack, coming in thick spurts. Jack moans at the heat he feels spreading inside him, and then suddenly he’s coming as well, the orgasm like a freight train out of nowhere, speeding through his brain as his dick jumps and spends itself against the wall. Jack clenches tight around Gabriel, who moans and bites Jack’s shoulder, his hand coming down to milk Jack through his orgasm, just the way Jack likes it.

Coming down from the high of orgasm is like stepping off the surface of the moon and suddenly plummeting into the Grand Canyon. Jack uncurls his fist from where he had propped himself up against the wall and winces slightly at the twinge in his knuckles from clenching so hard. He can feel Gabriel still hard inside of him, though beginning to soften, and Jack clears his throat quietly when he realizes that Gabe isn’t pulling out of him.

Gabriel startles and slowly withdraws with an apologetic noise. Jack hisses at the feeling of cum leaking out of him and inwardly laments that he’s going to have to do the debriefing like this. At least Gabriel would also be vaguely wet and uncomfortable in his pants. He can hear Gabe pulling his clothes back on. Closing his eyes, Jack takes another moment to breathe. His eyes are stinging again.

“I’m not going to break my promise, Jack,” Gabriel says suddenly, and Jack whirls around. Gabriel has his pants and undershirt back on, but he’s holding up his left hand, a flash of silver on his ring finger. “I promised I’d always come back to you, and I will.”

“You can’t if you’re dead, dumbass,” Jack says, picking his own pants up off the ground. All he wants is to desperately keep the veneer of anger up. It’s better than the all-encompassing fear.

He sighs as he picks up his undershirt, shakes it out. The matching silver ring on his own left hand flashes in the light. He looks back up at Gabriel, who is adjusting his beanie on his head, looking for all the world like nothing just happened, like the two of them didn’t just wreck each other, like they aren’t going to continue wrecking each other as soon as they step foot in that debriefing room.

“I just want you to stay alive, Gabe,” he says, voice quiet and restrained. “I want us both to stay alive, together. We’ve bled so much for this world already; at least allow me the privilege to stand next to you and hold your hand even if it all goes up in flames around us.” Jack sighs and puts on his duster. He doesn’t look at Gabriel as he opens the door to the closet; doesn’t look at him as he stands in the exit and clips the last piece of body armor back into place. “I’ll see you at the debriefing. Don’t be late.”

Jack slips back out into the hallway. His footsteps echo behind him.

[eregyrn-falls]

In the Reverse Portal AU, How long do you think it would take for Ford to get Stan back on earth, realistically? While Ford doesn't have to teach himself physics and the other necessary information, Ford does have to worry about Bill driving him insane, The Society of the Blind Eye, and possibly re-designing the portal so that a rift will NOT form at all.

(First, apologies for the delay on answering this!  I had this huge long answer written out – because of course I did – and I lost it all, which is always disheartening.  Second, in the interim, @stanfordpines-phd posted meta on a related question, here.  I’ve only read the first paragraph of their post so far, but once I’ve got this rewritten I’ll go back and read over it, and see how close we both were to the same thoughts. :)

Let me say, too, that I’ve read a few story takes on this idea already, and the variations are always interesting!  But what I’m getting here is, what if there was a variation in which Ford really does start immediately to try to get his brother back?  I’m not sure I’ve seen that done, and yeah, I’m into that.

To get there, I’m proceeding from the assumption that the act of losing Stan through the portal would shock Ford out of his guilt / anger / paranoia spiral.  This almost happened in canon, after all – even considering the stakes, and the way they pushed each other’s buttons, and Ford’s state of mind, the moment Stan was seriously hurt (by being branded by the symbol on the console), Ford *stopped*, and was basically jolted into the most genuine response I think we’d seen from him in those scenes.  If Stan hadn’t come up swinging, I almost think the fight could have ended right there, with Ford’s concern for his brother defusing the situation long enough for them to talk.  So I feel like it’s reasonable to say that an even bigger shock – losing Stan entirely – is enough to set Ford on an entirely different track than the one he’d been on.

Obviously, this is SUPER LONG, so let’s put the rest under a cut…

(Which, to review: he had decided to hide the instructions to working the portal, and once that was accomplished, figure out how to destroy Bill; or, die trying.  What Ford wrote in Journal 3 indicates he was going to hike back up to the cave to see whether there were more clues about how to destroy Bill there.  A lot of people have asked: why did Ford not disassemble the portal FIRST?  I’ve thought about this a lot, and I usually came down on the side of thinking that he considered the instructions in the Journals equally dangerous and decided to prioritize them.  He was already afraid, at that point, that Bill would possess others in Gravity Falls – see his experience at the truck stop.  Not only was he afraid of Bill possessing him again, if he slept; but, probably,  of Bill possessing someone else, and using their body to come stop him from destroying the Portal; kill him; and/or, use the existing instructions in the Journals to get the portal working again.  However… I also had a new thought, having now really absorbed what Ford wrote about going back to the cave to look for a way to destroy Bill.  What if he thought that he might *need* the portal in order to do that?  For example, what if he found out that Bill would be vulnerable to destruction while in the act of coming through the portal?  That sort of thing.  If Ford destroyed the portal, he would keep Bill away from the physical world… temporarily.  But, what if Bill found another pawn to guide through the process of rebuilding the portal?  Separating the instructions was a step towards preventing that.  And it would have sucked to destroy the portal, only to find out that he needed it.  Note: I’m not saying that the whole “my life’s work!” thing didn’t also factor in; but by the time Ford is actively thinking of trying to stop / destroy Bill, that can’t have been the only reason he hesitated to disassemble the portal.)

Okay, so next, in order to figure out how long it would take, we need to figure out some other variables.  

Ford has to worry about Bill possessing him.  That’s definitely a big problem.  To be honest, I’m not really sure how Ford expected to keep that problem at bay, should Stan have actually left with J1.  There’s really only so long Ford could go without sleep.  And you’d think that the more Ford worked against Bill, the more Bill would try to overpower him.  But okay, let’s say that Ford’s plan immediately changes from “finding a way to destroy Bill / destroying the portal”, to “figuring out how to get Stan back”.  What could protect Ford from being possessed by Bill?  Bill-proofing the Shack.  Ford would need to get some unicorn hair.  And he has to do it fairly quickly, before Bill gets some natural opportunity to possess him again.

(Actually… if Ford is working on the portal again, I think Bill would leave him alone.  After all, isn’t that Ford doing what Bill wants?  Bill is arrogant enough to think that things will go his way if that portal is just turned on again, even if Ford is trying to thwart him.  However, while Ford might reason this out, I don’t think he would trust his safety to that reasoning.  Even if Bill is leaving Ford alone, Ford would try to find a way to protect himself.)

The SOTBE.  This might or might not be a problem.  We know from the Journal that they’re already formed, but they aren’t yet targeting him.  (They run away from him, in the only encounter he reports on in J3.)  If they DO decide to target him, that’s a big problem.  But he only encounters them once he goes in town.  There seems to be an implication that if they’re afraid enough of Ford to run away from him, they’re also afraid of the Shack.  Unless something happens to change that status quo, I’m not sure I see them mounting an attack on the Shack.

Redesigning the portal so that a rift doesn’t form when he reactivates it to retrieve Stan…

On the one hand, to do that, presumably Ford would need to track down Fiddleford.  Partly because that’s what the Better World AU suggests happened  (or does it? I’ll get to that in a moment).  And partly because since Ford needed Fidds’ help to build the portal in the first place, it stands to reason that he’d need an engineer’s help to make any major modifications.  

… But the thing is, Ford isn’t actually worried about a rift forming.  He doesn’t seem to know that that’s a possibility.  His fear of the portal destroying the world is about Bill and his Nightmare Realm friends *coming through* into the real world.  He never mentions instability or the danger of a rift, prior to going through the portal himself.  Even after Ford returns, he doesn’t suspect that danger until he’s actually in the process of dismantling the portal. He thinks that destroying it shuts the interdimensional gateway for good – until he spots the tiny rift just floating there. *Then* he’s horrified.

In the Better World AU, it doesn’t go into specifics at all about how p!Ford managed to keep Bill from possessing him.  It only says that p!Ford and p!Fidds built an addition that allowed them to use the portal while bypassing a connection to the Nightmare Realm. It’s been said before, but there’s so much left out of the account of the Better World AU, that it has to arouse suspicion as to whether p!Fidds actually told real-Ford everything accurately, and Ford just condensed it when writing it; or whether p!Fidds gave him limited or inaccurate information, and Ford filled in the blanks from his own wishful thinking.

The thing I can’t quite figure out yet is this: so, Ford knows that turning on the portal puts the world in danger, because Bill wants to come through with his buddies from the Nightmare Realm.  Okay.  But then, why has Bill not done that already?  The portal has been turned on twice so far.  Once to “test” it, and once when Stan was lost through it.  What about those times wasn’t sufficient for Bill to use it?  Was it length of time?  Was it where it was connected to?

But both of those things seem unlikely.  In the initial portal test with Fiddleford, the portal was active for over a minute.  It’s already on when Ford and Fidds go walking up to it carrying the test dummy; it stays on, with an apparently stable wormhole, through the entirety of the rest of the scene.  It’s still apparently on when the scene ends, 1:06 later.  And it WAS connected to the Nightmare Realm – that’s the whole point, seeing that and seeing Bill in his “true form” is what drove Fidds mad to begin with.   It’s only on for 20 seconds the second time (at least in canon, when Ford goes through), but again we know it was connected to the Nightmare Realm, since that’s where Ford goes.  So what more did Bill actually require, if he couldn’t use either of those opportunities?  I’m not sure we know?  

So anyway, I’m going to say that in the simplest possible scenario – I think that Ford could have gotten the portal back up and running in a couple of weeks.

He has to take time to go out and get some unicorn hair, to protect himself from Bill while he’s working in the Shack.  Given the snowy conditions, that might take a bit more time than it took in canon (which was 1 day); on the other hand, Ford doesn’t have to waste time trying to please the unicorns, the way Mabel did.  I’m going to just assume that Ford showing up with his crossbow and Stan’s brass knuckles would be sufficient to get him some of the unicorn hair.

Possibly, he combined this expedition with a trip to the cave, to see if there WERE any hints for guarding against Bill or defeating Bill.  So that might add another day.  And I suspect he’d go and retrieve the other two Journals; although I don’t think that would take very long.

He doesn’t need to contact Fiddleford, if he doesn’t know that he might need to fix or create an addition to the portal in order to guard against a rift forming. If he doesn’t try to contact Fidds and reconcile with him, that saves time.  (But you could do a variation on this, by saying that he does want to contact Fidds, in order to build what it’s said they built in the Better World AU: a way to use the portal while bypassing the Nightmare Realm.  However, Ford might not even be sure this would be a good plan.  If he thinks / knows the portal connects directly to the Nightmare Realm anyway, then he’d know that’s the first place he’d have to look for Stan.)

If, after getting the unicorn hair and protecting the Shack, Ford is finally able to get some rest, he might also be thinking a bit more clearly.  So he might, on his own, come to the realization that the portal just being on, and connected to the Nightmare Realm, is somehow not enough for Bill to come through.   (Especially since it was turned on for such a long time during the first “test”.)  He may not be able to figure out what it is Bill is waiting for, in order to prevent that. But it may allow him to reason that just turning it back on in order to retrieve Stan is no more dangerous than the past two times it was turned on.  He might also wonder / theorize that the fact that the gateway now opens into the unicorn-hair-spell protected Shack might actually keep Bill from coming through it.

He needs more fuel.  I’m assuming that what happened in canon – with the fuel gauges for the portal hitting zero just as Ford is lost through it – also happened here.  There’s apparently a source of the radioactive waste that’s needed nearby, but Ford still has to go GET it.  (Pro: he has Stan’s car.  Con: deep snow.)  He may have had Fiddleford’s help the first time they got a supply of it.  On the other hand, apparently it only took Stan one night to get what he needed, by himself.

Finally, there’s a scanning function built into the portal – at least, there is when Stan activates it in “Scary-oke”, and it appears to be scanning the sectors; the assumption is that it’s scanning for Ford, so that the portal can form a gateway to where he is.  This part of the portal machinery isn’t mentioned in J3.  It could certainly be something Ford and Fidds built originally – on the theory that, if the portal were really to be used for exploring the multiverse, you’d want a way to lock onto the people who went through it, to get them back.  At any rate, in canon, it seems to take more than 10 days for the scan to complete – if, that is, that’s what Stan is waiting for to activate the portal for real.  (It’s interesting that Stan starts the scanning process, and only much later goes to get fuel to actually start the portal.  The last firm date in J3 is July 29, the date of the confrontation with the SOTBE.  After that, we have Soos’s birthday and Globnar, the Woodstick Festival, and the Northwest Mansion mystery, however long all of those take, before we get to NWHS.)

So, again – simplest possible scenario – Ford would need several days, to a week, to accomplish some of the tasks and errands above, by himself.  Possibly including the scanning so that the portal can lock onto Stan – the extra time tacked onto that week would be for how long that took.  Otherwise, I *think* that once he accomplishes those tasks, he could activate the portal and, hopefully, get Stan back.

Obviously, if you wanted to complicate this for it to take longer, you could certainly add in various problems.  Maybe Ford DOES think he needs Fiddleford’s help, so he has to go through the process of finding him, reconciling with him, and then they have to do whatever it is they are going to do.  Maybe the SOTBE does prove to be more of a problem than they seem to have been in canon, and time has to be taken to deal with them.  That sort of thing.

But if you want “fastest”, that’s my guess.  Couple of weeks.

Also, what happens afterwards could also be interesting.  Once Ford gets Stan back, what happens?  How do they THEN address the problem of the portal, and Bill?  The unicorn hair would have kept Ford safe inside the Shack while he was working on this stuff, but they’d need a more permanent solution in order for Ford to live a normal life, not to mention, to keep the world safe.  Do they actually reconcile and work together, or are there further complications?  Did a Rift form while the portal was on, to retrieve Stan?  ( @stanfordpines-phd makes a good point at the start of their meta post here, about why a rift didn’t form the first 2 times the portal was on; and why it probably did so in 2012 because of the passage of time.  So – maybe not.)

(Final note: having now read through @stanfordpines-phd full meta post – yeah, although they were answering a slightly different question, we DID hit on some of the same ideas. :)  Including both of us thinking of the unicorn hair!  Their answer goes in a different direction, though – another variation on this storyline that I’d LOVE to read!  Though, I don’t entirely agree that for the story to be interesting, Ford would have to fail to get Stan back at first.   I do think that WOULD be interesting!  But I also think you could make an interesting story out of the problems they still have to deal with once Stan is safely back – foremost, how DO they defeat Bill once and for all, in order to keep Ford’s mind, and the world, safe?  And, just the story of Ford and Stan truly reconciling at that point would be interesting; though I’ve also seen some stuff – including @as-be-low‘s “Time Has Changed Me (and Left Me Full of Doubt)” – in which Stan accidentally falling through is such a traumatic experience for him that he is just as angry at Ford, as canon Ford was at Stan when he returned.  That sort of thing.)