#Ok headaches actually normal. This is how most headaches are. But they pile on

[caterpillarinacave]

y’all what on earth is wrong with my body today

[db-reviews]

#106 - SZNZ: Autumn - Weezer (2022)

Oh boy, let’s dive into something way different than what I normally cover. Now I do not like making negative reviews but with this release, I just have to talk about this EP. I don’t know why, but something in me wants to review this hunk of junk.

I and Weezer are two things that can surprisingly go together in the right circumstances, and in others, it sort of falls flat. All their albums, for me (Except for Raditude and SZNZ: Summer), are fairly alright, with my favorite being Ok Human. To me all their albums pretty much sound the same, nothing all that big and complex, nothing that screams amazing rock material. They are a band that I know, and that is all I can say. I think we all know how Weezer started and the entire history of the band so I won’t dabble in the known, however, I will talk about the unknown. See this year they have been releasing 4 EPs based on seasons, cultivating an hour-long concept album. This concept of an album based on seasons has been done a lot before, like this year we got an album about that same concept, Urskog by Kaipa, and in the 70s there was a very influential folk album of Les Cinq Saisons by Harmonium, which I believe was the first critically acclaimed album to do something of this nature. Weezer isn’t the first, and they won’t be the last. For the EPs they released that build into this big concept album, so far they released Spring, which I think is the best one since it blends the orchestral wonder of Ok Human with a more baroque sense of sound, and Summer which, like Summer it’s annoyingly musty. Now we get into Autumn, and this one is…how do I put this nicely…dreadfully weak.

The band in recent years has been experimenting with genres and the like, but they always retain some kind of power pop rock dynamic to their sound. This is evident with Can’t Dance, Don’t Ask Me. Screw Captain Beefheart or The Shaggs, this is the most annoying rock music I have ever heard. Oh god, the drums are way too loud, the guitars sound alright but they do not get any respect, and that ear-piercing keyboard…ugh! Honestly, this album suffers heavily from the mixing. All the instruments do not sound right in the music, and everything just feels like a headache to get through. I will say I do slightly enjoy the part from 1:43-2:25 but it is way too short that it becomes half-baked. It is not good at all.

This honestly goes towards every other track on this album too, so much so I would have to repeat myself pretty much over and over again. Get Off On The Pain is an annoyingly sterile rock tune, What Happens After You would have more points for me but it ultimately falls flat because nothing ever develops, Francesca is way too lackluster for its good, and Run, Raven, Run has such a good title but they ultimately blew it on creating another very lacking power pop rock tune even when it could have been one of the best on this album especially when it had that almost ballad piece in the middle. All these songs are underdeveloped, way too underdeveloped mind you. I know this is an EP so nothing is truly ever gonna be fully realized, however, I have heard dozens of EPs that have songs that try to be less half-baked. That is the keyword for this album, half-baked. No song here feels done, and honestly, they feel like they needed much more time to sit through, and I bet they are underdeveloped because the band had to get something out and done with so they can work on their last season EP (which I hope would be better than this pile of garbage). Because of this, there aren’t any songs on here that feel like actual full songs. They feel like nothing. Much like the marble statue head of Rivers Cuomo, it is empty and hollow while everything else is stunning.

Now, I have been lying somewhat. There are two songs here that do feel a lot better and dare I say I like these songs. These songs are Should She Stay Or Should She Go and Tastes Like Pain. Should She Stay is sort of a traditional Weezer affair, but I think what makes it nice for me is the bouncy attitude on here. That swinging drums are a treat here I believe and are mixed properly as opposed to what was with all the other tracks. Tastes Like Pain is honestly the best song here. I dig the more theatre kid, almost Dear Hunter in vein music on here that feels very fun to listen to. I still have my gripes with these songs, since I still think they suffer from the whole problem of these songs being half-baked, but these songs definitely have been in the oven for a bit longer and so feel like actual songs and not proof of concepts of what the band would create. I know Weezer can create something special, and with these two songs this EP could be so much more, but where it stands for me it all feels like a bundle of hogwash.

This is one mediocre effort if I do say so myself. I cannot deny the band’s potential, but here they do not fully grasp what they want to do or make, and even if they do they often fall into the muddy puddles of creating music for the sake of music and not creating music to create something amazing in artistic form. I think if they went and reworked most of these songs and fixed the mixing to be less obtuse then this might be a fun work they put out, but since they cannot do that now I think the only option now is to pray that the winter EP will be so much better than this.

1.5/5

[wyofabdoms]

Undercover I Do - Chapter 12

Characters: Javier Peña x female reader

Summary: While on an undercover assignment posing as a married couple, you are attacked and nearly assaulted. Upon waking, all you remember about Javier Peña is what you remembering seeing from two photographs of the two of you posing as the happily married couple. As you struggle to regain your memories, Javi struggles with his own feelings for you.

Rating: Explicit

Chapter Warnings: Implied cheating, swearing, destruction of government property, Javi has road rage.

Word Count: 2077

Notes: Reeling from what you witnessed in the alley, you arrive at the office for your meeting with Dixon. And you take out some of your anger on Javi's unwitting empty office. But in the midst of your rage, you come across something interesting.

Let me know if you find any crazy mistakes. Feedback and comments greatly appreciated.

Be well!

Read on Ao3

*

The moment you set foot in the office bullpen, you know your initial bad feeling about this meeting is right. Everyone seems to be looking at you with a pained expression; as though they are all sympathetic to some plight that is still unbeknownst to you. You think maybe it’s just the memory loss and your temper flares, making you want to scream and lash out at all of them, down to the typist in the corner.

Then, Van Ness steps into your line of sight and says your name cautiously, looking at you with concern etched on his forehead.

“I’m here to meet with Dixon. She called me.” You grit your words out, willing him to just back off, not wanting him to ask you if you’re ok, knowing that if he does, you’ll start sobbing hysterically in front of all of these people in the middle of the United States DEA bullpen.

“Ah….yeah, well the Ambassador just showed up, she got caught up meeting with him. Shouldn’t take long. She wanted me to keep an eye out for you.” As he spoke, the younger man steered her towards an office and through the doorway. “You can wait in here until she’s finished, probably five, ten minutes.” Too late you realized the office you were being ushered into was Javier’s office. You thought better about throwing a fit and asking to wait somewhere else. If you did, he’d probably inquire as to why and then…well, it was probably best to just sit in your piece of trash husband’s office and wait.

He won’t be in for a while anyway, you think furiously. He’s too “preoccupied”. That thought brought the empty bottom feeling into your stomach again and was quickly replaced with boiling fury and rage at what you had witnessed. Van Ness seemed to sense your anger and quickly retreated, leaving you to pace Javi’s office angrily.

“What a piece of shit!” You growl under your breath and then proceed to call him every foul name you can think of in both English and Spanish. As you do so, you randomly kick furniture, upending a pile of cartons on an armchair and not caring one second about the headache it would cause him to reorganize it. As you pass the bookshelf, you punch a flag statue off a shelf and enjoy the satisfying crunch it made as it lands on the floor. That sound seems to drag more need to destroy. You tear the cushions up from the couch and rip them open, flailing the stuffing out of them, imagining it was your husband’s insides that you were ripping to pieces, as well as that “informant”! You grab a framed medal off the wall behind the couch, smashing the glass over the coffee table and marching over to his desk, ripping the medal out of its cushioned velvet bed and taking the sharp, pointed edge of the bottom of it to the back of his desk chair.

The tearing sound as the material was ripped open fills up the room like a freight train and gives you an extreme sense of satisfaction. You jab the sharp end of your makeshift weapon into the glossy, smooth surface of the desk and grit your teeth as you put all of your anger and weight into cutting a jagged line from one side of the desk to the other, knocking files that were spread out haphazardly on the floor. Your rage completely overtook you and you began to gouge all of the foul names you had previously been calling him into the surface of the desk until your hand began to ache from pressing so hard. The pain only makes you angrier and you fling the medal across the office, knocking a lamp off of the end table. The clatter and sound of the bulb smashing give you some momentary peace, but then the memory of that woman’s hand moving inside his pants resurfaces again, causing you to redouble your efforts and proceed in destroying every visible inch of his office.

How dare he? How...dare...he? How dare YOU, thinking anything less from the man that was your husband. A leopard doesn’t change its spots...what had you been thinking? WHAT could possibly have EVER made you agree to marry such a vile, disgusting slime ball of a man? You had begged him...BEGGED HIM...to fuck you only an hour before you found him in a shkeezy back alley with a cheap whore. Fuck him! If he would rather have his whores than you, then so be it. He could keep them. How long had he still been “working leads” after you’d gotten married? Did everyone outside in that bullpen know? How many of them still tittered over the water cooler about how many times Agent Peña visited the brothels in the city...how many of THEM out there had he fooled around with, too? Why stop at whores? How could he have convinced you so well. Convinced you to marry him, but then, all this time, convinced you to keep begging him, to keep trying to be with him. You had asked...you had asked him to his face if there was someone else. He had denied it and you had believed him. What a fool you’d been. No, there wasn’t someONE else. There was probably NUMEROUS others.

As suddenly as your rage had come upon you, it is just as suddenly replaced by an overwhelming sense of sadness; you feel your legs give out and you collapse to the floor amidst the upended furniture, crumpled balls of paper, broken glass and strewn file folders. Staring at the destruction around you for a moment, you feel the knife of betrayal prick your insides and your heart shatters to pieces.

You bury your face in your hands and begin to sob. After several minutes you draw a watery breath, then shake your head. Dixon was going to be out of her meeting any minute. She was going to find you in here sobbing hysterically amidst all of this.

Oh god! You look around at the mess you’ve made in Javi’s office. The sudden thought enters your mind that you’ve just successfully demolished a significant amount of government property. You frantically start collecting crumpled paper and straightening file folders within reach, trying to return the room to some semblance of order as quickly as possible.

As you reach for one particular folder, you catch sight of half a photograph sticking out that seems familiar. Your hand stops in mid-air.

It’s your wedding photo with Javi.

The same one that’s framed in your apartment. Your hand shakes as you reach for the photo, tears starting to stream from your eyes again at the sight of the now familiar photo. You both looked so happy, so in love with each other. What had happened? How could he be such a good liar?

You cry as you clutch the photo to your chest. Your marriage was over. A marriage that you hadn’t even really gotten a chance to be a part of because most of it was lost to the clouds of your missing memory. And though you didn’t want to admit it...as much as you wanted to hate him, you knew that deep down you were mostly sad because you loved Javier. And he had betrayed you. Had lied to you. But you loved him despite that. And now, knowing what you knew, you couldn’t stay married to him.

And that broke your heart.

You heaved another huge sigh and moved to place the photo back where you had found it….

...and paused again.

What was your wedding photo doing in a DEA case file folder?

+

+

+

+

+

+

+

+

+

+

Javier didn’t think he had ever driven so fast in his life. Even though he had made a valiant effort at breaking every single driving law in Columbia, it still seemed like an eternity before he braked in front of the DEA building. Today the universe had not been on his side. Despite driving as fast as he could, he seemed to hit nothing but red lights and streets full of bumper to bumper traffic. Crosswalks seemed to be more full than normal with mothers and baby carriages and kids on their way to school. Even when he had tried to take the few shortcuts he knew, he had stalled, running into construction or a blocked roadway where there had once been open passage.

In the end, it had taken him twice as long to get to work then it normally would have. He was furious when he arrived. Furious as himself mostly, but also willing to dole out a fair share to the traffic lights, pedestrians, sidewalk vendors and whoever tried to get in his way before he found out where his partner was.

He was certain she had seen them. He just knew it, deep in his gut. And he knew that he had to find her. To see her. To talk to her. He needed to talk to her before Dixon broke the news to her about her being sent home. He needed to hold her. To tell her….

Would he have the balls to actually tell her what he needed to tell her?

Thinking about that only served to remind him of what a coward he was. He knew he wouldn’t be able to tell her how he really felt. He hadn’t even been able to….SHOW her how he felt. He hadn’t been able to fuck her when she had begged him, when she had willingly offered herself to him on multiple occasions.

He wanted to throw up thinking about it. Thinking about saying those words to her. Thinking about how she was going to be sent home, that by tonight she wouldn’t be in his life anymore, that he was never going to know how it felt to hold her in his arms and whisper those words in her ear, wasn’t going to know how it felt to be inside of her, to know how she sounded and looked when she came undone from pleasure.

Yeah, he was a real fucking coward.

When he stormed into the bullpen, he knew something was wrong. Van Ness and Feistl both stood a short distance from his office, arms folded, heads cocked towards the closed door as though trying to detect any sound. They both had stricken looks on their faces, a mixture of fear and bewilderment, and neither man seemed quite sure what to do with themselves when Javier entered. One look at them and then a look at the closed office door told him that things had already started happening. His heart sank.

“Dixon?” He asked, nodding towards his office. Van Ness started, then stood up straight, shaking his head.

“No. She’s still in a meeting. She wanted me to have her wait in...” Without waiting for any further information, Javi plowed his way past them and wrenched open the door to his office.

He stopped short, eyes widening at the scene in front of him.

It looked like a bomb had exploded in his office. Furniture was upturned, pictures were smashed and hanging askew, file folders were thrown everywhere, the floor was covered in ripped and crumpled paper and...some kind of fluff...what was that? The couch cushions? He saw them ripped to shreds and thrown randomly around the room. Items had been smashed off the bookshelves and lamps were cracked and broken to pieces, leaving large chunks of glass strewn about the floor.

And there she sat in the midst of the chaos.

Her shoulders were hunched over. A file folder was open in her lap and she had clearly been reading several pages of the report found within. Your staged wedding photo was in one hand as she turned the pages of the report with the other. He could only stare at her and at the destruction surrounding her...and then it slowly dawned on him what she was reading.

At almost the exact same moment that he had the realization, she lifted her head from the file and looked up at him.

His heart broke.

Her face was red from crying, tear tracks staining her face, confusion and a thousand questions filling her eyes. Her voice was shaking and wobbly and sounded like a child’s: scared, lost...terrified of the truth.

“Javi?”

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8,  Chapter 9, Chapter 10,  Chapter 11, Chapter 13

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Safe And Sound? More Like Safe And Bred.

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult situations 18+ Smut, Attempted Rape, Breeding kink, swearing, A/B/O and all the posessive bs that goes with it 👍

A/n This was intended to be darker but sort of changed as I was writing? Yeah I'm very happy with it tho considering its my first A/B/O. As always enjoy😘

Clark has been driven wild by an omega's scent.

Safe And Sound? More Like Safe And Bred

There it was again. That fucking scent. Clark groaned and took a deep breath in unconsciously ,smelling it, tasting the air on his tongue, wanting to lap up the delicious scent. It tasted like maple syrup yet smelt completely different fresh and succulent like cool spring air. Young and new. Ripe. He shuddered at the thought. It was driving him wild like no other, normally he could block them out but not this one No,six weeks .Six. Fucking. Weeks he had been teased by it coming into the daily planet.

There was an omega here somewhere, he almost felt jealous of the others weaker senses, they had caught faint whiffs of it asking Perry about it who told them none to polity to 'back off' and that it shouldn't cause a problem due to where they was stationed no one should be able to smell them up here. But Clark did. He had to endure it constantly day in day out. The scent was always worse in the lobby where everyone entered the building. Each morning he came in scanning the people around him looking for a new face, more desperate each day to find the omega.

After enduring the scent for so long he was determined to find the culprit. To find his omega. He swore at that ,they wasn't his, he couldn't allow it.. . He couldn't claim them. Afraid of hurting them, it was true that alphas couldn't bare the thought of hurting an omega, actually against the law to cause any harm emotional or otherwise to an omega. It'd be to easy for him to accidentally harm them, one slip of concentration and that could be it.

So he had resigned himself to never claim one, tho he couldn't help his instincts that screamed for him to find them. To mount and breed them. so he still found himself searching the lobby everyday as he came and went. Sighing as he walked to the elevator not finding them once again disappointment ran through him he shook his head taking one last gulp of air trying to capture the scent he stepped in the elevator.

Just as he went to close the doors he smelt them. He saw her. Other alphas were sniffing around her as she walked past them through the lobby head down watching her feet as she scurried quickly across the space heading for a door that he knew lead to the mail room below she faltered quickly bringing her head up scanning the crowd before catching him looking at her. She gulped as she locked eyes on him then all but flung herself past the door out of sight. The doors closed but he stood frozen. She had seen him.

His chest swelled. His omega had looked at him. She wanted him, her alpha. For a second he stood shocked then quickly threw himself at the buttons smashing the open door button willing it to open and let him go and find her, alas it was to late he was already scaling the building to his floor. He took a breath closing his eyes picturing her She was gorgeous, around average height dark auburn nearly brown hair piled atop her hair in a messy bun she was slim. But not to slim and had and hourglass shape wide hips. Meant for breeding. Fuck. And her eyes a dark hazel freckles dusting her face. He clenched his hand around the briefcase he held, as images of mating her, knotting her took hold he grunted hearing a crunch as the hard plastic handle gave under the pressure.

He swore. No he couldn't risk it risk her. The doors opened revealing the office he panted a few breaths trying to compose himself he walked through the office to his desk dropping into his seat running his palms across his face smoothing his hair back before dropping them by his sides.

Lois approached him warily seeing him tensed and almost flighty. If she didn't know any better she'd have said he was entering a rut, but she wasn't going to suggest that to him. Hell no. Alphas became aggressive if another alpha brought it up. And she definitely didn't want to deal with a triggered alpha in the office. Especially him of all people. However he had let slip a week or so ago that the omega in the building had riled him, that he couldn't block it out like the others.

Fuck. His blood was burning in his veins, his reaction was unlike any other. It was instant and he knew somewhere deep down that he would not be concentrating today.

"Hey Clark you ok there?" he grunted then forced a smile kicking his briefcase under the desk. Out of sight out of mind. was the term that came to mind.

"Yes I'm fine" she didn't look convinced.

"Riiiight and who are you trying to convince me or you? if that omega downstairs is causing you problems you should talk to someone, she shouldn't even be here working if shes unmated" Clark growled at her. Of course Lois was right in a sense. It wasn't law that omegas couldn't work however as a general rule they didn't or if they did it was a part time job close to home and normally along side their alphas. Most were claimed by the time they left college alphas would claim an omega in the first or second heat that happened around 17-20 years old, it was very rare to have an unmated omega in the work force but companies couldn't discriminate. Lois took a step back at the warning, Clark squared his shoulders the thought of his omega leaving agitated him.

"And what would I say? I can scent her from nearly 11 stories up? how would I explain that exactly?" he growled the words through grit teeth not liking where this was going. It took a great amount of control not to flash his eyes at the alpha female in front of him. She backed up unconsciously but continued.

"Well its obviously effecting you, look at yourself ,you've been getting worked up since she got here. If shes your one claim her and get it over with. but don't sit there stewing over it. Do something about it or I will" she snapped back. He could hear what she was really getting at, she was hurt occasionally two alphas could find a way to be together but this didn't happen in there case and she was jealous of the omega and wanted her gone and would make it happen herself if need be. Clark was on his feet in front of her before she could register it bending down getting in her face. And snarled low and dangerous, what ever courage Lois had fled as he glared at her menacingly.

"Don't .You. Ever. Threaten. Her. Again." she shook at the dark look in his eyes stepping back a few steps. frightened. 'as she should be' Clark thought his instincts in over drive feeling as if he had done his omega proud ,scaring off what he precieved as a threat.

"What the hell is going on?" Perry called as he watched a pale Lois take her seat not looking at anyone

"Nothing its dealt with Perry." she said bitterly tho Clark couldn't tell if it was because she had backed off her instincts acknowledging him as a true alpha or if it was that he had defended another woman.

"It better be" he warned eyeing them both before heading to his office Clark sat back down before starting up his computer to begin his work. he stopped after about ten minutes as there was a spike in his omega's scent.. she was going into heat he got up fast, to fast he hoped no one had seen him he looked at the elevator swallowing dryly. Lois raised her head instantly worried forgetting her frustration for a moment more concerned about him.

"C-Clark?" he looked at her and she froze as his pupils grew until there was a slim ring of blue around them. She took a deep breath picking up on the signs. Quickly she got up and went to him. whispering

"Whats going on are you- is she ok?" he tore his eyes from her to the elevator.

"Shes-heat" he swallowed taking a deep breath trying again

"Shes going into heat downstairs, fuck" Lois looked confused

"What but surely she'd know and not come in? it must have caught her off guard-wait what did you do?"

"We- I saw her, she saw me... that couldn't have triggered it could it?" he asked uncertain scanning the other alphas in the room they hadn't noticed, not that he thought they could detect her from here. Lois gaped at him sometimes she forgot that they didn't necessarily teach everything about omegas in all schools, especially to alphas, in traditional communities alphas were just taught about their own anatomy next to nothing about omegas ,hell in some areas where most were betas nothing was taught at all forcing everything to happen naturally on instinct.

"Of course it can! if she isn't on suppressants hell some can't even take them! meeting her alpha could cause an instant heat ,fuck sake, you need to go get her, if she leaves now she could be hurt or worse go I will cover you just go now!" Lois growled at him, the thought of an omega in heat trying to navigate the city alone made her insides churn. He leaned over to retrieve his case but she spun him pushing him to the elevators.

"Leave that I will sort it just go!"

Mean while you was down stairs panicking. You'd found him. Your one true alpha. After years of denying all others waiting out your heats holed up in your apartment praying that you'd find your true alpha and not be caught by another and lose the chance at having your soul mate. You had tried suppressants over the years but they hadn't worked, sometimes when an omegas true alpha was to potent the suppressants didn't work they only muted the the symptoms slightly and ended up not being worth the side effects , nausea ,headaches ,bouts of depression and anxiety then the back pain that was caused by your body trying to counteract the cramps redirecting the spasms.

This was the case for you it wasn't worth it basically exchanging excruciating the internal cramps for crippling back pain, it was dangerous, with cramps you could push through it still move and run if you needed to ,but the back pain made you immobile. You took deep breaths once you reached your office. Sitting down unsteady on your feet.

He was magnificent tall broad dark hair and bright eyes tho at the distance you couldn't define the color, you tried to imagine his face with forest green or a deep azure irises. You gasped feeling yourself heating up. You'd been picking up on his scent since you arrived. It was different. Very strange normally scents had one or two underlying tones his was a mix of many all intertwining in to one deep clean airy scent. You panted cringing as you began to sweat lightly.

Fuck. This wasn't good. You couldn't drop now. Not when you'd seen him. That was probably the cause. You whined taking off you jumper revealing the short sleeved blouse underneath letting the air around you picking up the folder on your desk fanning yourself debating what you should do, you could try to slip out and get home there wasn't to many alpha's here you had done your research before applying there was forty most were on the top floors, but that was still forty alphas that would smell you as you tried to leave and then you'd have to navigate through the city home avoiding all others. you sighed knowing you had to make the decision fast. swearing loudly you picked up the phone calling your manager.

"Hi its y/n in the mailing department.. I'm sorry I have to leave now preferably....I've- my heat has come early and I cant stay-I'm sorry I don't know what to do" you lean over the desk crying softly thinking that you'd just lost the only job anyone had offered you. This was cut short as she replied understanding you, being an alpha with an omega daughter she knew what it was like you huffed in relief as she calmed you down reassuring you that it was fine she instructed you to stay where you was until she called you an uber to be safe and take all the time you needed, you nodded thanking her before hanging up.

Quickly you gathered your things and waited, she phoned back quickly informing you that the uber was outside waiting you just had to tell him the destination and the company was paying for it as this classed as 'emergency travel'. You thanked her again and headed out of the office scaling the stairs to the lobby scuttling out as fast as you could aiming to head home as quick as you could before you got any worse. You felt the stares you noted the few alphas scattered about taking deep drags of air into themselves, drinking in your scent before slowly heading in your direction. You whimpered as you raced through he main doors nearly staggering as you made your way down the road as you flushed hot and needy. Jumping into the uber telling the driver your address as he pulled out into the street. He looked at you threw the rare view mirror.

"You ok back there? you want me to call someone?... your alpha?" he asked innocently enough. You just leaned forward cupping your tummy as the first pulses began in your abdomen muscles twitching beginning the first twinges of pain, you cried out panicked, it was never this fast, a normal heat took at least 24hours to sink in and reach this point.

"No! no no I'm fine just drive!!" he grinned at your response but not that you saw from your almost fetal position in the back, he continued as he pulled off the main road cutting down a residential street as a short cut

"Ok are you sure? is your alpha aware of this? does he hurt you is that why you don't want to call him?" he pried by this point alarm bells would usually start but in your desperate state you didn't click you just shook your head

"no-don't have one just please hurry!!" he grinned doing a u turn at the T junction going left back towards the city. You groaned with your head between your knees crying as the pain came crashing over like waves. Flooding your system then draining away before returning ,gasping deep gulps of air so wrapped up in trying to halt your heat you didn't realize the type of danger you were in.

"H-how much longer?" you didn't register the car stopping he chuckled.

"Not long darling" your eyes snapped open freezing at the tone managing to prop yourself up wincing through the pain as you noticed you'd stopped moving. Dread filled when you saw you were still down town. Even with the traffic you should have been out in the residential area. Your apartment was only a 25 minute walk so should have been about a five to ten minute drive instead you was in the city center all be it parked In some sort of loading bay tucked behind some tall office buildings you didn't recognize. You gulped at the look on his face. Slowly reaching for the handle of the door only for it to be locked. You shivered.

"Wh-what are you doing?" he unclipped his seat belt

"I'm gonna take care of you, a pretty omega like you shouldn't be going through heats alone... You should have an alpha to help you... You will~ just relax this will be over soon" he said before squeezing himself between the front seats making to grab you.

You twisted screaming as loud as you could. Lifting your bag striking him as hard as you could, which wasn't that hard as your energy had been sapped away by your rapid heat. he held you firm digging his fingers into your wrist untill the bag dropped to the footwell, pushing your shoulders against the door you screamed again agonizing

"NOOO HELP SOMEONE HELP ME!" clawing at him scratching his face he swore as your nail scratched across his eye.

"YOU LITTLE BITCH!" he screamed you cowered at his anger he pulled back his hand slapping you hard across the face you grunted as your head smacked into the metal seat belt clip half way up the back seat.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP CUNT!" you kneed, twisted ,clawed and bit anything you could think of to get him off of you ,he overpowered you grabbing your head smashing it against the inner door panel, your vision went fuzzy at how hard your head had bounced off of it. weeping weakly kicking out despite all hope of escape was fading fast as the male tore open your blouse buttons scattering across the back seat and foot well.

"NOO NONO PLEASE!"you sobbed as you resigned yourself to being another statistic. Then the door behind your head was ripped clean off you car you yelped cringing as you heard the metal twist and tear just beside your head tumbling out of the car, being caught before touching the asphalt and sat on the roof of the car so quick it made you dizzy before you could even glance at who had saved you. You heard the screams of your would be rapist shouting panicked as he was dragged violently out of the car.

Crying you moved to cover yourself tugging the shirt around yourself looking forward you saw superman clutching the alphas neck hoisting up to his eye level eyes flashing a dangerous red, hinting to the power simmering just below the surface shoulders heaving with every breath and his jaw clenched boiling anger was written across his stance. The alpha pleaded with him. The kryptonian glanced at you before snarling in the other alphas face low and terrifying. you held your breath something was wrong.

"MINE!" was all the man of steel managed as he panted heavy , you saw the tremble in his arm as he tried holding back but still squeezed tighter on the throat he held causing the alpha to gasp and wheeze begging pleading much like you had been not two minutes ago. You gasped not entirely sure you heard him correctly but you was sure that you didn't want to be around either of them in this state.

You placed your hands on the metal below you sliding backwards making the decision to leave your bag that stuff could be replaced. Keeping both of them in your sight, gasping quietly as you dropped to your feet , buckling as another cramp clutched a your insides. You had to move get away you couldn't let either male near you, not when you'd just found your mate, when you was so close.

In your state of panic you forgot one of the most important things every omega should know. If your caught by an alpha in the middle of a heat Do. Not. Run an alpha that wants to pursue you, will chase, they relished in it the hunt. That's why there is so much emphasis on mateing young, once you are claimed alphas are less drawn to you and your heat cant do this whole surprise pop up act. Those who tried to hold out for their mates are usually picked off before their thirties, claimed forcefully and trapped in a unhappy pairings you never thought it'd be you.

You moved slow at first backing away from the car then as you made your way further from them once you got a good twenty feet you turned and ran down a small one way road leading in the direction of home. You hoped. Your footsteps caught Superman's attention snapping his head up dropping the male

"NOO! COME BACK!" he shouted making you more frightened speeding up, he sounded angry. He shot up instantly hovered above the small building before spying you diving down landing in front of you as you as you had reached a main street onlookers stopped as they saw him land hard on the ground, he crouched the asphalt below him cracking under the force he'd used. You skidded to a stop nearly running into him you screamed backing up as he moved to grab you his eyes. They were burning literally glowing seconds away from igniting your flesh.

"I-I No please I don't-" you tried speaking cutting yourself off as another cramp took hold you cried out curling grasping your stomach. He took the opportunity to quickly scoop you up taking off so fast the air was sucked from your lungs you couldnt breath instead puffing out desperate tiny breaths. He headed straight for home. You groaned weakly at him trying desperatly to breath, tapping him as you managed sharp breaths when you could smelling him, he smelt familiar and unique almost like your mate but not quite the same.

Before you knew it you was in an unfamilliar apartment gasping deep breaths trying to ease your burning lungs. Whimpering as a wave after wave of your mates scent hit you causing your body the begin preparing itself for him as you soaked your panties through at an alarming rate. You was deposited on a large bed confused uncomfortably wet and in pain as you curled on your side in the covers pressing your face into the cotton taking deep breaths. You heard footsteps leave your side moving around beyond the door.

He was building you a nest in his den, he was here helping you, you crawled towards him as he smoothed out the blanket to curl around you grabbing him trying to pull him up onto the bed with you. You whimpered as he pulled back standing to look at the nest wanting it to be perfect. In your heat addled mind you took it as a rejection when he moved out of your grasp.

"A-Alpha?" you called out looking for him, he was here he had to be here you needed him, this was his den, but where was he. You looked around trying to find him. Then you hear Superman return, well you thought it was Superman maybe you was so far gone you'd been hallucinating, you was sure the man of steel had brought you here, but it wasn't him who returned you looked at the door ecstatic as you spied your mate with arms full of pillows and a few blankets mumbling to himself about a nest, felt a burst of excitement as he placed the cushions and blankets around you.

"I-its ok, I'm here, I've found you omega, mine ,my omega" you looked up at the male before you tucking your nose into the crook of his neck breathing deep wanting to take him in as much as you could it was him. Yes. You've made it. you cried happy tears streaming down your face as you finally had him, Your one. Your soul mate. Years spent searching hoping, terrified that he'd given up hope and claimed another. But the years of loneliness and fear was worth it for this one moment.

"N-no! alpha come back" your voice was small but sincere, he quickly saw his mistake and climbed up with you letting you grab and pull at him.

"Wh-how? you was-" he climbed over you cageing you nuzzling your neck doing the same to you that you had done to him only he was not crying, he was growling deep in his chest, that you had only just noticed was uncovered he was bare as the day he was born.

"Later...Cant" he mumbled kissing at your neck quickly licking and nipping succumbing to his need to bury himself inside of you as soon as possible. You whined as he pulled the blankets around you creating a tighter cocoon. His instincts were all over the place wanting to mount and knot you and calm and cuddle you . It was hard for him to concentrate as he smelt your body prepare for him. Turning you looked at him your lips parted as you huffed becoming impossibly hot ,sweat forming on your brow your clothes constricting and sticky as you lifted a shaky hand to his cheek.

"Blue... I didn't see them earlier, there beautiful." he almost purred closing his eyes as you ran your hand up to his curled hair. His nostrils flaring ducking down to you kissing you groaning at the taste of your tongue he moved over you, desperate pressing you into the matress holding your waist sliding you up the bed wrestling with your clothes growling before opting to rip them of not patient enough to remove them with out damaging them. You whined at him making him stop inspecting you for injury , when he determined you was unharmed just vocal he continued moving down your body kissing and suckling marks onto you wanting to devour your slick as he smelt how wet you had become for him.

He tossed your legs over his shoulders breathing deep closing his eyes collecting him self 'slow and steady don't hurt her' he thought to himself then leaned forward sucking obscenely on your wet folds dipping his tongue between them. you screamed as he met your hot sensitive skin groaning into you gripping your hips forcing you to remain still and endure him as he worked on finding you bud then flicking quickly up and down then rolling it around sucking it between his teeth applying a gentle pressure.

You cried and shouted as he continued he looked up at you watching you try to twist and turn your breasts bouncing with every jerky movement and heaving breath. He groaned again imagining just how perfect they would look tight and full ready to feed his pups. He pulled back with long licks from back to front collecting as much slick as he could as he went. You panted teary eyed as he crawled above you. He grunted eyeing your neck then maintained eye contact snarling when you didn't immediately look away.

Your pussy wept below you at the sight. He was posturing. Waiting for you to present to him, for you to acknowledge him as your alpha. You tilted your head looking away eagerly willing your body to relax below him he keened low running his nose across your throat then latching onto it biting locking his jaw tightly, not enough for the final bite but he held you there tonguing your neck releasing then moving down biting repeating the same process searching for the least sensitive spot to deliver his bite.

Once he found a spot that didn't cause a large reaction or was on the artery he sucked a dark mark , pinpointing it for later once he was satisfied he released your neck with a parting kiss many would look for the most sensitive but he was worried about truly harming you.

He grabbed your shoulder rolling you on your front heaving up your hips presenting you to him your shoulders landing on the extra pillows and blankets he got for you taking your weight. He gasped leaning back to take a moment to calm himself, he would not risk killing you accidentally because he rushed, admittedly he was also enjoying the view, way your scent permeated the air leaving him feeling hazy almost drunk. You mewled lost in your heat impatient for him to claim you in the most sinful and depraved of ways. You rocked to and fro clenching your pussy for him then spread your knees so he could see. You heard him grunt then decided to push further.

"AAHH! FUCK" you yelped as he stretched you taught around him the resistance you put up against him was intoxicating as he moved steady not letting up as he was pushing deeper and deeper feeding himself into you. You tried to raise onto your hands but a swift hand caught you by the scruff pressing down with a snarl.

As ready as your slick had made you, you was still smaller than him he noted as he was poised at your opening, twitching and puffy from his earlier exploration, he could feel the heat radiating form you. As you tried to rock back feeing his cock just there he pulled you back onto him.

"No you will stay In position presenting" he grunted you whimpered in response as he held you there firm. Finally he grunted low quickly thrusting the last inch or so into you thighs pressed against your bottom tensing. You panted clawing at the pillows surrounding you is was nearly to much as he held still flexing making you jump and flutter around him.

"P-pleeeas alpha I cant wait please" your words were pitiful and breathy arching your back pushing your ass high and curling your toes. His breathing hitched un able to hold back he rose to his knees digging his tumbs into the back of your pelvis gripping tight designed to hold you still, to force you to take all of him weather you wanted to or not. You'd forfited that choice with your presented to him earlier. You was his and he wanted you to know that ,slowly falling prey to his most basic of primal needs. Mount. Fuck. Knot. Breed. There was no thoughts beyond these four goals. He held steady nudging your opening with his cock, hard and only just beading with precum, he had fought to hold back his need for release refuseing to waste a drop, but now it seemed he may need it.

"Good girl....soo good ... your such a good omega.....are you ready to be bred?" tears fell at the feeling of being so stuffed, you wasn't sure just how you were going to take his knot if this was him before that, it was uncomfortable pressed so deep it was bordering pain, a dull ache but your cramps were gone as if his skin alone had soothed your insides and that you was thankful for.

"ugh such a good female.... gonna fuck you full" he tilted his head back abdomen quivering and twitching with need he was trying to hold back, be gentle he had heard the whimpers as he opened you up for the first time, noting that you wasn't a virgin, tho many omegas now day's had toy's to replicate alpha couplings. He snarled pulling back a little then rocking into you the idea of anything other than himself inside you irked him, no more. He would dispose of yours at the first opportunity. You'd never resort to using a toy again. A rubber substitute, no he wouldn't allow it. You would come to him for relief or you'd suffer. Those were your options now.

"YES... fuck yes THATS IT...I'm your alpha now...no one else.... I'll kill them" he grunted teasing you with his cock you screeched as he growled and grunted using his hands to hold you still as he drove into you over and over, pulling out further each time, you was floating or was it drowning you couldn't tell, all you knew was that you hated the way you felt empty as he left you, your pussy was clamping and pulling at him, fighting to keep him sheathed inside you. You groaned cried and squealed unable to stop as his moans egged you on.

"aH! FUCKfuckfuck alPHAAA!" you shook your head rubbing your face into his heady scent your head swimming in it as it seeped through the blankets. You tried to fight his hold as he teased you with shallow thrusts making your pussy protest resulting in a loud sharp spank and you widened your legs for him.

"You ok baby?" he asked as you shook beneath him gasping, trying to calm your breathing you tried to turn to look at him hissing as it pulled on his knot

You cried panicked trying to wiggle from under him desperate to escape the painful stretch he quickly acted on auto pilot latching onto the mark he left on your neck biting breaking the skin, holding you still with a growl as he claimed you with his scent permanently. You cried tensing not sure if the pain was to much or not enough. He finallly released your neck tucking a hand below where you joined rubbing your hard bud forcing you to clench painfully around the knot that was cruley holding you in place spreading your lips apart revealing your clit to his wandering fingers as you was warpped tight around him ,you tried to drag yourself forward off of him tugging at your joining to no avail he was slow and frim with his teasing finger tips.

Quickly you found your abdoman spasming and you screeched as he tore your second orgasm from you, this time as you squirted nothing left you hitting his knot and returning back up into you the force of it sending ripples of pleasure against all of your nerves your walls massaged him from root to tip as a result making him finally release into you feeling him pulse and twitch as his hot load hit you hard and deep some had definatly make it past your cervix you summarised the only coherent through in the lusty haze that was now slowly lifting from you, he held still as he continued to pour into you, the overwhelming urge to breed you was to much as he rocked once ,twice slowly using his knot the amplify the pleasure.

You whimpered staying as still as you could panting completly washed out and wrecked. He looked down smug not taking his eyes of of where you were joined his knot was large, he was impressed at how well you took him. A slight panic, he'll admit but you had stayed still enough for him to fully mate you And nothing was escaping which boded well for breeding.

"Ah ah ah stay still... that's it stay still... good girl" he reassured knowing full well that you could be like this for a few more minutes maybe ten minutes or so, for him specifically he wasnt sure. Selfishly he wanted to remain there as long as possible but thought it'd be better for you if he wasnt attached to long.

"yes ...that's it omega open up for me... let me in" he chuckled slamming into you making your bones rattle keening with the force as he did it over again becoming desperate to bury himself inside deeper. You cried out as he dragged his hand from your neck leaning over you as he plowed you into an orgasm. You let out what was at first a silent scream as you clamped around him making him hiss you leaked over him cumming drenching his thighs with slick as he grunted holding still tightly pressing into you his knot forming in an instant stretching you until you yelped in pain trying to break free. No. It hurt. As he was pressing painfully deep almost pressing into your cervix opening.

"Are you ok? we could be like this for a while baby.. you have enough pillows"

"It's sore" you mumbled quietly unable to stop pulling forward it was only natural to try and avoid the pain he felt guilty but knew it was unavoidable.

"I know baby but your doing so well... soo good and just think with any luck we will have pups on the way! doesnt that sound nice baby. You can make a better nest, more suitable for pups." you clenched at his words the idea of pups making you perk up

"Pups?" you asked excited he laughed rubbing your back soothingly noticing how hot you was.

"Oh yes I'm going to breed you during this heat, that is if I haven't took root already" he said rolling his hip lightly making his point you groan again. He noted the sweat rolling down your sides. Debating on what to do, he knew he could help easily but was a little apprehensive. Finally he decided he would do it, your his mate now, bound to him permanently.

"Baby? are you hot?" you nodded

"Yeah and sticky..... I want a cold shower... can I have one when I'm free?" he frowned that would mean you standing up.... he would leak from you.... No. He shook his head

"No you may not, you will lie on your back once free.. I want you full." he said you pouted a little feeling scolded whimpering before you flinched as he blew a cool gust of air onto you. It was cold... Much colder than should have been possible.. And it wasn't to do with how heated your skin was. Clark continued blowing cooling your skin until it was no longer red. He felt himself finally softening once he was sure he could remove himself without any pulling he did sliding back quickly flipping you to your back pulling the pillows below your waist . You laid back wide eyed.. It took him seconds.. Literally seconds to pull out and re-position you... He moved you one handed...WHAT THE FUCK? you squeaked

"Wh-how did you do that? you really are? but your scent i-it was different you wasn't!" you were so confused. He looked down guilty stroking you slowly unable to keep for touching you now that you were bpnded ,he loved how you carried his scent, it was lingering just beneath yours coiling around it.

"I'm sorry, my suit it....changes my scent... I'm not sure why, it may be because its not made here on earth... " you paled as he explained you knew. Your mate was superman. The man of steel. You gasped bringing your hands to your face as you cried

"YOUR AN ASS! do you know how FUCKING SCARED I WAS!" you shouted moving to get up. He was faster pinning you down pushing into your neck.

"I thought you was going to burn me! Kill me!" You wailed into your palms.

"sshh sshh its ok now.. I'm sorry ...I'm so sorry I never intended to scare you, I was just scared...I tried to follow you but you already left....... Then I went looking for you ..... I heard screaming not want sure if it was you, I was so glad as I got closer and smelt you then I saw him..I had intended to just take you home..But seeing you there I knew I had no choice...I had to claim you to keep you safe... I was so close to killing him, I wanted to...You stopped me, if you hadnt run I would have ripped him limb from limb... All I knew in that moment was that I couldnt bare seeing you run from me.. I had to catch you." you settled down as he kissed your mark explaining between small pecks and licks then laid curling at you side. Pulling your hands away.

"I-if I'd known it was you I wouldnt have run from you I would have run to you" you explaind cupping his face lightly he leaned forward kissing him.

"But I cant call you superman or alpha all the time" you smirked he chuckled sliding higher around you leaning over you on his elbow.

"Clark kent" he offered with a kiss

"y/n y/l/n" he smiled before kissing deeply again you were interupted by a loud bannging form somwhere deeper in the apart ment he held out a hand

"Stay I want to give us the best chance for pups" he called out as he grabbed some boxers sliding them up as he walked to the front door opeing it revealing Lois holding out his damaged breifcase she scrunched her nose as the heady smell of there coupling hit her.

"Here I Covered for you, Perry thinks this morning was because your omega was going into heat and you didnt touch her and I told you to leave and 'be an alpha for once' in the end you took my advice and mated her... you have the week off for her heat." she explained then cleared her throat nodding behind him he growled when he spotted you up by the door peeping he pointed back to where you came growling.

"Back in your nest!" you scuttled back into the room with a squeak diving back into your nest of blankets. Placing your hips back on the raised pillows. Lois giggled.

"Don't be too hard on her she probably heard me and panicked... any way I'm off and try to be gentle with her she looks ....small" he nodded closing the door as she turned to leave. He padded into the bedroom spoting you tugging the blankets around you adjusting then readjusting them pouting. He smiled tugging it from you smoothing it around your hips.

"That was lois.. Shes and alpha and a friend nothing to worry about.." you nodded to him as he tucked himself around you again making you rest your head on his chest as he reached down cupping your tummy running his thumb acros the skin below your belly button

"Sleep baby it wont long before I'll mount you again" you blushed at his words but tried to relax anyway letting your mind drift as he wandering fingers pushed you into a deep satisfied slumber.

Taglist @havenoffandoms

[apoguecalledjj]

Fixation (Chapter 8)

Sorry, this one is a bit short! It’s because the next one is going to be long, also there’s only one more part + an epilogue!

Series summary: Eleanor is new to the outer banks, and the pogues are quick to take her in. But so are the kooks, and as she grows closer with Rafe, trouble emerges. Trying to balance her relationship with the pogues and the kooks, as well as dealing with her own personal problems, Eleanor falls into a hole she may not be able to dig herself out of.

Chapter Word Count: 2140

Chapter Warnings: Hospitals

Previous Parts: Ch. 1  Ch. 2  Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5 Ch. 6 Ch. 7 Ch. 8

Taglist: @prejudic3 @maragritatimebaybee @drewxxrudy @outerbankslove @bricksatanakinswindow @alexa-playafricabytoto @gigi-june

“I don’t think this is a good idea, JJ.”

“Kiara, he almost killed her. He almost fucking killed her.” JJ was fuming in the front seat of John B’s van. The five of them were currently on the way to figure 8, more specifically, the Cameron residence. 

“JJ’s right, Kie. I’ve had enough of Rafe fucking with my friends.” John B’s eyes were fixated on the road, but everyone knew his thoughts weren’t focused.

He pulled into the driveway and Sarah jumped out first, the pogues trailing behind her. Kiara and Pope hung slightly back, not entirely comfortable with the idea of a fight. Even though they both agreed that Rafe deserved to get his ass kicked, it wasn’t often that he was without Topper and Kelce. 

They learned quickly that Rafe wasn’t alone as he burst through the front door, his two friends just behind him. Topper glared, but Kiara could see a sliver of worry in Rafe’s eyes. Worry for Ellie, or worry about getting in trouble, she wondered.

JJ didn’t hesitate. “You fucking prick!” He yelled, lunging toward the closest kook boy, his fist connecting with bone. But JJ wasn’t thinking clearly, he wasn’t focused like he normally was during fights, this time he was overcome with anger and it was easy for Rafe to hit him back and eventually straddle him to the ground.

“Don’t come around my place acting all mighty and strong, you dirty pogue,” Rafe spat in his face. John B stepped forward to pull Rafe off, but Topper stood in front of him, giving him a shove back.

“You deserve to fucking die,” JJ snarled, his hands wrapped tightly around Rafe’s arms as he struggled to get out of his hold. “You left her alone. You left her alone to die!”

Topper’s fist froze in midair, and Kelce, who had yet to move anyways, took a step back. “What’s he talking about, Rafe?” Kelce asked.

“Nothing,” He mumbled, loosening his grip on JJ. 

JJ managed to push him off of him, flipping the boy over so he was now pinned against the ground. “Causing your girlfriend to overdose isn’t what I would classify as nothing.”

“Ellie overdosed?” For once, Topper sounded genuine. The two kook boys actually did care a lot about Ellie, they had grown quite close to her and to hear Rafe had hurt her upset the both of them.

“Yeah, she did,” Sarah said, stepping towards where JJ and Rafe still sat on the ground. She motioned for JJ to move and he did, and Rafe stood up to face her. “You idiot-” She jabbed her finger into Rafe’s chest. “-Got her hooked on cocaine. You know her mom’s a fucking addict? That’s why she lives with her uncle. And you got her addicted. Are you stupid?” 

Kelce moved away from Rafe, looking at him in shock. “What the fuck, bro.”

Pope continued where Sarah left off. “You think you’d be smart enough to at least not push her limits. But obviously not, since she’s now unconscious at the hospital, after they found her ALONE, SEIZING in your room, Rafe. Why would you leave her?”

“I called the ambulance,” Rafe mumbled.

“Yeah, and it was almost too late. Any longer and she probably would have died,” Kiara told him, not even able to look him in the eyes.

Topper was still staring at the ground in front of him. “I had no idea she was doing drugs.”

“She wasn’t, till she got with Rafe,” John B sneered.

“She’s still unconscious?” Kelce’s voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. “Can we see her?”

JJ froze, obviously not knowing how to respond. He didn’t like Kelce and Topper, got in fights with them often, but their reactions seemed genuine and they did spend a lot of time with Ellie. He glanced at Kiara, urging her to answer the question for him.

She nodded. “You two can. HIm, though-” She motioned to Rafe. “Absolutely not. I don’t even want to see him outside of the hospital.”

Rafe nodded, his eyes wide and frantic. He looked crazy, worried, and paranoid, and that was when JJ realized he wasn’t even sober. His girlfriend just overdosed, and he was still getting high.

Kiara’s phone rang, and she stepped to the side. JJ stepped closer to Rafe. “I think it’d be a good idea for you to stay away from Ellie from now on.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Rafe kicked at the ground, turning to go into the house. “Keeping me away from my own goddamn girlfriend, yeah,” He mumbled just loud enough to be heard.

“I doubt she’s your girlfriend anymore. I got a feeling she’s gonna want to stay a long way away from you,” Sarah said.

Rafe scoffed. “Top, Kelce, you coming? Fuck the pogues.”

“Nah, man, we’re gonna go see Ellie,” Topper told him.

Kiara stepped back into the group. “Perfect timing. She just woke up.”

---

The pogues, plus Topper and Kelce, rushed to the hospital and through the halls. Travis was leaned against the wall outside of Ellie’s room, his eyes closed slightly as he hummed.

“Hey, kids,” He said, hearing their loud footsteps approaching. He opened his eyes and turned. “Topper and Kelce. Didn’t expect you two with this crowd.” His eyes narrowed and he scanned the group. “Rafe isn’t here, is he?”

JJ shook his head. “No sir. We made sure he wouldn’t come, I hope that was the right thing to do...” JJ trailed off nervously, still not entirely sure how Ellie’s uncle felt about the situation even though Rafe had almost killed his niece.

“No, that’s good. We don’t want to see him around here anytime soon,” He said, nodding. He turned to Kelce and Topper. “You two weren’t involved with this, were you?”

Kelce’s eyes widened. “No, no! We had no idea she was doing coke. She never did it around us.”

Travis nodded once again. “Alright. Well, you guys can go in and see her. She’s been asking for you. There’s no limit anymore since she’s awake, so all of you can go in, but please, try not to overwhelm her.” His gaze was aimed towards John B and JJ with that last statement.

JJ entered the room first, and the smile that spread across Ellie’s face caused his heart to flutter. She already looked so much better, there was color in her skin and her eyes were bright. She lifted her hand up in a small wave and he went to return the favor but was interrupted by John B slamming into his back. 

“Why’d you stop man- Oh hi Ellie!” 

She giggled at John B, and JJ swore it was the most beautiful thing he ever heard. He had been terrified he would never hear that laugh again, and every sound that came out of her now felt like a blessing.

The rest of the group piled into the room, which was way too small for all of them, but Ellie didn’t seem to mind. Her smile just grew wider and wider as they piled in, especially Topper and Kelce, who she was obviously shocked to see.

JJ took the chair by her bed, a silent agreement among his friends that he would be the one to sit there. Kiara took the other chair, John B propping himself in the windowsill and Pope standing next to him. Sarah sat on the foot of the bed after some encouragement from Ellie, and Topper and Kelce stood on the other side of the room, not used to being with this group of friends.

“Hey El, how you doing?” JJ spoke quietly, finally able to talk to her.

She sighed. “Withdrawl is hard. I have a brutal headache, and I’m exhausted. But I'm not gonna sleep. I wanna talk to you guys.”

JJ had noticed that her eyes were slightly drooping, her blinks were longer than normal, but he hadn’t wanted to mention anything. He had watched his dad go through withdrawals before, and he knew how terrible it could get. 

There was a moment of silence, no one really knowing what to say after your best friend just had an overdose. Eventually, Ellie spoke up again. “So how’d you two kooks end up with the pogues? Never thought I’d see the day.”

No one spoke at first, not sure if bringing up Rafe was a good idea. But Ellie was waiting for an answer and they would have to talk about it soon anyways.

“The pogues came to tell off Rafe,” Topper finally told her, earning a smack from Kelce for how blunt he was about it.

“You guys went to see Rafe?” Ellie asked, surprised.

John B nodded. “Kiara wouldn’t let us beat him up though.”

“John B! You can’t say stuff like that!”

But Ellie just laughed. “Should have let them,” She told Kiara. Her face turned more serious. “I don’t want him around here at all though, ok? Can you guys try to keep him away?”

Kelce nodded quickly. “He won’t be around. The pogues dealt with that one.” He sent a smile their way, something no one thought they’d ever see. “And I don’t know if I can speak for Topper, but I’m not going to be around him much anymore.”

Topper nodded in agreement, and Ellie smiled softly. “Thanks, guys.”

Pope finally asked the question everyone was dying to ask. “Are you going to rehab?” He said quietly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but curiosity getting the better of him.

Ellie shook her head. “No, I told uncle Travis I didn’t want to go and promised I wouldn’t do anymore coke. Or even drink alcohol. The doctor wasn’t pleased, and really wanted me to go, but uncle Travis is letting me have a chance. Me crying helped a little, I think.”

"I'm glad you'll still be around, " JJ spoke quietly but he knew Ellie heard him because she smiled.

They continued to laugh and joke around afterward, Topper even managed to make John B and JJ chuckle a few times. Ellie felt happy, even after all she had been through because she was surrounded by the best people. It also helped that JJ was right next to her, he always managed to put her in a better mood.

His hand was gently rested on top of hers, neither of them could remember when he placed it there but it stayed, bringing warmth to her palm. His thumb brushed over her skin, relaxing her unconsciously.

"'M getting tired, " Ellie admitted after hours of giggling with her friends. It was still early in the night, but she still wasn't 100% and probably wouldn't be for a while. Even though she had been unconscious for over 24 hours and had taken a nap afterward, she still longed for sleep.

Everyone slowly trickled out of the room, but JJ stayed behind. "Can I talk to you alone for just a minute? It won't be long, I promise."

Ellie smiled. "Of course, I don't mind."

JJ wrapped his fingers around the hand he was still holding. He met her gaze, and she could see how serious he was. "I meant what I said before and I still do. I am in love with you Ellie, and almost losing you just helped me realize it quicker. I would give the world for you, you make my heart beat faster, and having you next to me is the best feeling in the world. I know you've been through a lot and you just got out of things with Rafe, but I had to tell you. Again, since this is technically the third time I've confessed." JJ noticed her look of confusion and quickly explained himself. "I poured my heart out to you while you were unconscious."

He chuckled. "I don't ever want to see you hurt again. I love you Ellie, and I'm willing to wait. Or unless you don't have feelings for me. I didn't think about that but if you don't it's okay. I kind of jumped the gun with that one didn't I?"

JJ would have continued to ramble on nervously if Ellie hadn't interrupted him. "JJ. Stop. I do have feelings for you. I think I always have, I was just- just overtaken by the drugs." JJ smiled, and she quickly continued. "But you are right, it is really soon. I need to take things slow."

He nodded. "Slow. I'm good with slow."

Ellie didn't respond, instead, she leaned over and pressed her lips to his. He immediately kissed back without thought, his hand moving around to the back of her neck while the other still held her hand.

They pulled away, both of them grinning. "What happened to taking it slow?" JJ asked.

"Starting now." Ellie smiled at him, then kissed him once again.

[amys-small-world]

Missing Gold- Part 4

It is now the day after the day before as Arthur wakes up with Linda lying next to him. He rubs his large rough hand over his face as he sits up which causes Linda to stir and waken. She glances up at her husband who is staring at the wall in front of him, this causes her to sit up and run her hand over his bare shoulder and she places soft kisses over his war scars as she tries to get his attention.

“Arthur?” she questioned him but all she got was a grunt as a reply.

As Linda continued to try and get her husband's attention he rose from the bed and started to get changed which caused a frown to appear on her face as she could feel the anger bubble in her chest.

“Alright what is going on with you, is it that new assistant of yours? I have noticed all you have done for her and I am not happy, so this needs to stop” she firmly told him. 

At the mention of Amy his head rose as he looked over at Linda with a raised eyebrow as he stopped what he was doing. “Listen here Linda this has nothing to do with her! I was doing a good thing to help out a lost soul, you know that is what you taught me to do isn’t it!?, He questioned her with a hint of anger in his voice. This seemed to shut Linda up as she gawked up at her husband who had started to get dressed again before he gave her a quick kiss goodbye and left the house heading for work. 

As Arthur arrived at the office he realised that some of his staff were already here so as he walked in and towards his office he gave them small smiles. As he entered his office he was startled when he saw Amy sitting there, she looked a little worse for wear but she was there. 

He greeted her with a questioning look “I did not expect you to be here love, you look a little hungover, you could have had the day off as i know it was a big night for you last night”. 

As he looked her up and down she just shook her head and lifted up a small bottle she had with her, “It is fine, i have my special soup with me”. This caught his attention as he wondered what she meant by special soup so he gave her a confused look as she softly chuckled at his reaction and she rose from her desk and walked over to where he was standing in the middle of the room passing him a small cup filled with the liquid. 

As he rose the cup to his lips and took a drink she stood there in anticipation. To Arthur’s surprise the special soup as she called it was delicious and he could already feel the small headache he had from his hangover disappear. He downed the rest of the contents of the cup as he looked at her in amazement as she beamed up at him. “Love this stuff is amazing, i might just have to come see you every time i get hungover”, he chuckled as she blushed at his words. 

Once they had discussed how she came up with such a hangover cure he got rid of his jacket and cap and plonked himself down at his desk and got to work, stealing glances up at Amy from time to time who had piles of paperwork covering her desk as she worked hard to get through it. 

*Around an hour later*

Arthur has gotten most of his paperwork done now and his attention has been turned to the dreaded finance book that he still struggled with. After around 10 minutes of trying to work things out he knew he was going to have to ask her for help again. His head rose and he noticed her looking over at him with a soft knowing smile as she stood and walked over and just like the last time she stood behind him with her hands on his tense shoulders as they worked through the mistakes in the book. Again after they had finished Amy gave his tense shoulders a rub but this time as he was just starting to enjoy himself his office door swung open which made Amy jump back as both their eyes fell on Linda who now stood in front of them, anger covering her face. 

“What is this!? Cheating on me with your fucking assisstant!?”, she shouted in pure anger.

This caused Amy’s eyes to widen as she tried to defend herself but Arthur held his hand up as he rose from his position and walked over toward Linda grabbing her arm before trying to explain what she just walked in on. “Don’t be silly Linda, she was just helping me with the books”, he looked her in the eyes as he said this hoping she would believe that nothing was going on.

Linda scoffed and ripped her arm out of his grasp as she pointed her finger at her husband. “I was not born yesterday Arthur. You don’t think I see the way you look at her or the way your face lights up at the mention of her!! Your MY husband and I won't stand for this so you have a choice! Either you fire her or I leave”.  Arthur gulped at this statement as he was now torn, he loved Linda he did but when it came to Amy he could also feel his love growing for her. He also did not want to be the reason that her life went downhill again. 

Amy was stood by his desk trying to stop her shaking hands as she saw Arthur sigh and turn towards her with a sorry look in his eyes, this is when she knew that it was over. He gave his full attention to her as he cleared his throat, “I am sorry Amy but i am going to have to let you go, i will need the keys to the house back as well”, he told her with a small crack in his voice. 

Amy tried to stop the tears that rolled down her face as she noticed the smug face of Linda stood behind Arthur. It was like she was now on autopilot as she felt her feet walk over to her desk and she grabbed her coat and bag while fishing the keys out her bag and passing them over to his waiting hand. After this she gave him one last look as she walked out the door with more tears streaming down her face.

*After she left*

Arthur was still looking at the door she had just hurried out of as he felt the hand of his wife on the side of his face and next thing he knows he is looking into the eyes of the woman he was starting to loathe. 

“Now things can go back to normal, i can become you assistant so we won't have anymore issues”, she told him as she walked over to what was Amy’s desk and began to work through the paperwork as he sighed and got back to his work but he couldn’t concentrate as the guilt slowly crept into his heart. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amy was now walking down the street heading for where she knew her brother would be as she wiped the tears out of her eyes. Once she arrived at the shed-like building she slid the door open and rushed inside and looked around for Bonnie, but it was Bonnie that spotted her first and he called out for her as he rushed over pulling her into a hug trying to figure out what was wrong. 

Amy calmed herself down a little before she explained to him “I just lost my job again Bonnie, I was helping Arthur with the books and he looked a little tense so i was trying to ease some of his tension when his wife burst into the room and made him fire me” she hiccuped out before bursting into tears again as Bonnie hugged her tighter. 

As he comforted his little sister he whispered into her ear to reassure her, “Hey pumpkin it is going to be ok yeah? You can come stay with me, I have a flat here in Small Heath or you can stay with dad, he has a trailer not far from here, we got you ok?” ,he wiped her eyes as she nodded and thanked him. 

Amy waited as Bonnie let her go and went to collect his things before he returned and wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they walked out the boxing gym and down the road towards his flat. As they were walking they spotted Arthur and Linda walking in their direction. Arthur glanced over at her as she kept her head down refusing to look at him as Bonnie gave him a glare not caring if he was indeed part of the Peaky Blinders or not.  Arthur sighed at this as he walked past them with his wife towards the Garrison. 

As Arthur and Linda walked into the private room at the Garrison his brother’s greeted him as they questioned where Amy was as she was supposed to be joining them for a drink. At the questions Linda snapped at them “She will not be joining! She was fired so she is no longer a part of this company, end of story”. This caused many eyebrow raises towards Arthur as he just shook his head and went to get himself and Linda a drink. 

*Meanwhile at Bonnie’s Flat*

Bonnie and Amy were having a little night cap as Bonnie had now managed to cheer her up. As they drank more and more they began to have a laugh before they decided that it was time for bed as they knew a major hangover was going to be on the cards in the morning. As they both stumbled their way through to their rooms they bid each other goodnight and Amy slid into bed fully clothed as she was finally content that maybe things were actually going to be ok, she didn’t need Arthur Shelby to be happy but little did she know was that was the biggest lie and she would soon find out just how evil his wife could be...

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 61

With her legs shaking, she walked down the stairs, money was running a little too low again to keep ordering in, going out and getting groceries was cheaper, the only problem was that she hadn't really gone out for what? Days? Weeks? Ok, here you go, she pulled open the door and slowly stepped out onto the pavement where she was nearly run over by a guy on a bike. Hello New York, she rolled her eyes and carefully went on her way to the local supermarket, it was freezing but the sun was out, normally this would be her kind of weather, but being a bit undercome, right now it only gave her a headache. Stop moping, just keep walking, get your muscles going again and enjoy doing something brainless and totally simple, the only thing you have to do is make a choice in groceries. The supermarket was crowded and noisy and for a second she hesitated, maybe she should do this another time, no, just go in and let yourself get human again, she took a shopping basket and started her round, fresh vegetables, fruit, water, bread, vitamines were on the menu of priorities. Slowly she walked through the aisles, loading up her basket she started to make her way to the check-out, “hello Miss, haven't seen you in a while, how was Europe?” the cashier who she always had a little chat with every time she came here smiled at her. And just like that, the wind was knocked out of her “uhmm, fine yeah” what else was she supposed to say? My lover dragged me across Europe, cheating on me without me knowing and having a good laugh about it?. “It must be so nice to have such a famous man in your life, I saw some pictures of you two..I follow his instagram you see..” Ok enough, she quickly pushed all her purchases in her carrier bags “what's the damage?” she quickly cut her off and didn't wait for her answer, swiping her card through the machine. Out of breath and on the verge of hyperventilating she stumbled out of the supermarket and back onto the pavement, there was no escaping him, she could run from him all she could, but she couln't outrun social media and his followers while all she wanted was to disappear from view and get her anonymity back.

What time was it in NY? Would she be up yet? Oh come on, think Jared, you're in LA, ok hours earlier in NY right? Oh fuck it, he tapped on her number and held the phone to his ear, he could actually hear the blood pump through his head. “You've reached Harper's voicemail, please leave a message after the beep”, goddamn voicemail “Hey babe..it's me..again..I wanted to wish you a happy birthday..I just wish I was there with you..but..anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you..and I love you..very much..please forgive me..so..happy birthday honey..I love you” he breathed and slowly disconnected the call. That's when it got too much for him, he sank down on a chair at his kitchen counter and cried his eyes out,  on the other side of the country, Harper stepped down from her scaffolding to wash out some brushes, a little break, she had been going for hours and she was hungry, on her way to the kitchen she turned the heating up a few notches and held her cold hands above the heating, they were cramping up and she wanted to keep going tonight. She sat down with a glass of wine and her cupcake that she had saved, 'happy birthday to me' she sadly smiled and slowly took a bite from the sweet treat, her eyes drifted over her kitchen, she needed to do dishes soon..her phone..leave it..but like a magnet she reached for the device, ignore the mails..she took another bite of her cake and let the phone vibrate back to life..maybe take some pictures of the progress on her paintings. What the..once again her screen piled up with notifications..her voicemail was full? Great, start deleting then..but she must have pushed a wrong button because suddenly Jared's voice drifted through the room on speaker “Hey babe..it's me..again..I wanted to wish you a happy birthday..I just wish I was there with you..but..anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you..and I love you..very much..please forgive me..so..happy birthday honey..I love you”. She nearly choked as her throat went completely dry and painful, tears bubbling up in her eyes..he remembered..stupid fuck..so saying happy birthday was gonna make it all better? Fuck you, Jared..the only way to stop him is to reply..just not now..there's more important things at hand like finishing a couple of paintings.

It's pointless so stop checking your phone, he put it down but then there was a bleep, her bleep and his breath got stuck in his throat

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: stop

Jared,

stop blowing up my phone, I'm not interested in this huge charm operation, I can't handle it.

You did what you did, so there's nothing to talk about anymore.

Leave me alone, ok? Let my heart heal, I'm done with having you splatter it over the floor and me having to scrape it back together, even telling you this is probably causing you to have to biggest gloating session ever witnessed because that's how you roll isn't it?

And that was a rhetorical question, so in case you don't know what that is: I don't need an answer, so kindly refrain from mocking me and driving the knife in even deeper.

Harper

Fuck..his stomach plummeted in his chest and dark spots danced in front of his eyes, no..babe please..what did I expect though? She's over me, she's over..US..I can't go on like this, I just can't..I'm never gonna see you again, am I? Harper Coco De Robiano d'Arby, this just can't be true.

“Hey, wanna come and help unload the Christmas tree? Mom's just arrived, it's huge” Shannon waltzed inside the kitchen, stopping in his tracks when he saw his baby brother sitting there with his face buried in his arms. “What's going on?” he sat down next to him and saw the phone still clutched in his hand “Harper?” stupid question, who else could bring him down like this? He'd seen his share of Jared's breakups, but this one? Oh no, he'd never seen him in this state, he was actually suffering. Jared slowly raised his head and shrugged, he couldn't talk, couldn't get himself to actually say something, what was there left to say? “OK, I get it..all the more reason to stop moping and come help us decorate that damn tree, it'll take your mind of things, and if that doesn't work then we can always go out afterwards and drink ourselves into a stupor? See, I'm full of brilliant ideas, so come on”

”So she actually replied”? Shannon was surprised to see him nod, the flames in the fire basket at the back of the garden lit up the lines on Jared's face, “yeah..she hates..no she loathes me, doesn't want to have anything to do with me” his lips turned to the thinnest line while he stared into the fire, lost in his thoughts. “Maybe she feels a bit..overwhelmed by your calls and stuff..give her a little time” he was running out of things to say, “how much time and how much space can I give her? I haven't seen or spoke to her in weeks..it's her birthday and..just the thought that she has to spend it on her own is killing me”. Jared ran his hand over his face “we'll never even get a first Christmas together”, that's when the light in Shannon's head popped on “but we're in New York then..you could go see her” he hopefully raised his eyebrows like he had found the ultimate solution. “NO!!” Jared shot up out of his seat like he was stung by a bee “forget it, I'm not going over there..I can't handle her rejection again, no, no way, no fuckin' way!” his chair toppled over as he ended the conversation by stomping back over to the house.

Harper yawned over her cup of coffee, she didn't get much sleep after what happened yesterday, no don't think about it, block it from your mind, her eye fell on the small pile of post that she had dropped on the kitchen counter after her daily walk to the bakery. Slowly she started rummaging through it, bills, bills, just when she was about to push it away again, there was a beautiful envelope with a swirly handwriting, bitten with curiosity she carefully opened it. It was a personal invitation from the owner of the biggest and most renowned art gallery of New York inviting her to his Christmas dinner/party, every year she would stare at the pictures of the same most exclusive party in glossy magazines. She kept reading as the letter was completely personalized, saying that he saw her work on Instagram and that he was looking forward to meeting her and talk about the future..whatwhatwhat? She had to re-read that last line to make absolutely sure she didn't read that wrong. Oh god, should I actually go? I don't know anyone there and going over there alone, stressssss..she took a deep breath, fuck it Harper, just go, you get this one big shot to get your work exposed so what if you're alone? Do you really want to spend christmas eve on your own again with chinese take away? Or do you put on a nice dress and get yourself out there and be around colleagues and kindred spirits? You'll meet new people, it'll be a start to move on, move away from everything that had happened, it's just dinner and you love to dance? She took a pen and filled out the rsvp card, licked the envelope, OMG I actually have plans for christmas now..she pushed herself off her chair and crawled on her scaffolding, let's finish this baby, she grinned for the first in a long time, strange how a stupid thing like an invitation could actually put the light on again.

Jared stood in front of the mirror fidgeting with that stupid bow tie, “Jared? You ready? The car is waiting” Shayla hammered on the door, sighing he walked over and yanked it open, “I would be if you would fix this bloody thing around my neck” he growled at her. Rolling her eyes she pushed him back inside the room and slowly started to tie the fabric in the right way, plucking it a little “there, you look..really handsome” as she admired her work. “Thanks” he whispered, but he knew she was lying when he looked in the mirror again, his long hair was tied back in a low messy bun and he was wearing a designer tux and on the outside none of this pain and heartache was visible except for a few extra lines on his face, but inside..he felt so empty and broken. Come on, you can do this, it's just dinner and a party, the usual small talk with friends and people he vaguely remembered from last year, pretending to be happy and alright..it's just a couple of hours, not the rest of your life. He buttoned up his jacket and nodded “let's go” before he followed her out of the room, outside it had started snowing really hard and still this big city was as loud and buzzing as ever, an umbrella was popped open above his head and he was escorted to the waiting car. Harper stood in front of the huge window and saw the cab pull up in front of her building, ok, have I got everything, purse, phone for calling a cab later on, money, credit card, cigarettes, all there, she closed her purse, quickly checked her outfit and ran out the door.

[thecleverdame]

Sam x Reader

Summary: Sam meets Y/N at her brother's funeral and finds a life he didn't know he could fit into.

Warnings: Death of a sibling, death of a child, smut, fluff

Beta:  @ilikaicalie

-

They roll into town just as fall is turning the forest bronze on the east coast. It’s a picturesque New England town, charming stores along the main street and townsfolk preparing for the last tourist invasion of the year. All while the trees fight to keep their tresses in the nippy autumn sky.

171 W. Bluebell Lane

The Kingston house looks like a brick castle that should be made of gingerbread and gumdrops. It’s a three-story colonial house, framed by a white picket fence and moated by way of a well-manicured lawn.

“Places like this always freak me out.” Dean laments, pulling at the knot of his tie.

Sam just chuckles.

Sam dreamed of growing up in a home like this. As a boy he imagined stable, safe families eating well-balanced meals together in ghoul-free dining rooms across America. Those dreams faded quickly as his dad tossed him a box of hostess cupcakes into the back seat of the Impala.

They have to park a couple blocks away. There’s a steady stream of black-clad mourners making their way up the front walk. Sam’s glad they wore the suits, Dean fought for something more casual but this seems more appropriate.

Sam wishes they would have brought a casserole or flowers. Anything to help him feel more reverent. They’ve been to plenty of wakes before, but the ones for children are always the worst - they make his gut ache.

There’s a larger-than-life picture of the kid set up in the living room. A cheerful five-year-old boy smiling wide and full of life.

He doesn’t want to be there. It’s been months of close quarters and hard motel mattresses. He and Dean are brothers, nothing will break that bond, but they both need to get the fuck away from each other. Sam’s had a dull headache for a week now, a tender throb in his temple he thinks he might be able to sooth if he could just get a moment to himself, just an elusive moment of silence.

Dean wanders off into the sea of somber faces and Sam makes his way into the backyard to check things out. It’s a cold blustery day, the wind is rattling the chains on the empty swing set, making a metal on metal clank that strikes a chord, like a tolling bell for mortality.

Sam shakes off the chill and sits down on the picnic table, taking a moment for himself. It’s a delicious second of peace he typically doesn’t snag, that is until she bursts out the back door. She almost trips down the steps, sniffling and dabbing at her nose with a kleenex as she steadies herself on the iron railing.

She’s wearing a frilly little dress, something that a younger girl might wear for a birthday party, except this one is all black.

By the time she notices Sam, she’s already barreling in his direction. She looks hesitant but sits down beside him anyway. He thinks she’s probably a knock out when her nose isn’t leaking like a sieve and red-raw from crying. She rubs bloodshot eyes with her thumb and index finger before wiping at her nose.

“Hey,” she whispers, giving him a good once-over as she tugs at the hem of her dress. The skirt is too short, doing a less than adequate job of covering her legs. She’s tall and her long legs are bare and he can see the tiny goosebumps on her thighs. He forces himself to look her in the face.

“I’m Sam.” He offers gingerly.

“Y/N.” She forces a smile that quickly breaks as she bursts into tears.

“Are you okay?” Sam frowns, instantly regretting the question. He’s nervous, that hasn’t happened in a while.

“No, I’m not okay. I’m a fucking mess.” She stops to wipe tears off her rosy cheeks. It hits Sam like a ton of bricks; she’s the older sister, the person they came to talk to.

She’s the one who was there when the kid, her brother, died.

Dean showed him a photo of her yesterday but it must have been old because he wasn’t prepared for this breathtaking woman who’s falling apart in front of him.

“I don’t want to go back in there,” she hiccups, looking at the house. Shaking her head, rogue tears slide from the corner of her eye.

“I wouldn’t either,” he confides.

“It’s so damn cold out here, move a little closer.” She commands and Sam doesn’t know what to make of her when she raises his arm up and wriggles against his side, laughing through tears. “I’m usually not this confident, you must think I’m a nut job.”

“It’s fine, it is cold out…you’re dealing with a lot. I think you get a free pass for this one.” He shrugs, letting his armrest gently on her shoulders.

“I’m gonna miss him so much.” She wrings her hands, her face crumpling in that nasty way when there’s too much pain as her cheeks blush even rosier. “This hurts so bad,” she whispers as if it stings to talk and then sobs into her hands so relentlessly that eventually, she doubles over.

One of her legs is pressed against his thigh, a naked soft leg that he wants to reach out to touch.

She sniffles.

He feels like a tactless pervert.

Sam stays with her until the tips of his ears go numb. He thinks about how much it hurt when he lost Dean. That raw throbbing in his chest he was convinced would kill him (for a while he wished it had). He wants to help her but it’s better to not get involved. They won't be around that long.

Sam tells her he’s a private investigator. She nods but he can see she doesn’t give two shits about anything other than her own nauseating grief.

The wind picks up and Sam’s so cold he shakes, teeth chattering his skull. She pulls away and he assumes she’s about to apologize for keeping him outside. Instead her eyes narrow and she groans. “I’m gonna puke.”

Jogging towards the house she offers one final glance back at him as she opens the back door. “Thanks, Sam!”

--

She’s not at the funeral. Dean stays there and Sam goes to find her.

Sam wanders on the front lawn of her parent's house for a half hour, stomping dead leaves and trying to determine exactly what’s wrong with him that he can’t bring himself to knock on the door like a normal person.

He’s done this a thousand times before.

After watching him pace back and forth through fallen leaves like a lumbering giant Y/N opens up the front door and calls out to him. “What are you doing?”

He tells her the truth. Tells her he came back to check on her, that he can’t stop thinking about her pain. She looks significantly better than the day before, but her eyes are still red and lips chapped. And she’s still holding onto a box of  Kleenex like it might save her life.

--

Sam sits next to her on jack-o-lantern sheets in Wes’ bedroom. She explains that he loved Halloween. He watches her as she traces one of the pumpkins on his child size pillow. Dragging the pillow into her lap she presses her face into it.

“It still smells like him,” she whispers.

“Y/N...what exactly happened?”

She doesn’t hesitate.

“He wanted me to read to him in the pile of leaves we raked in the front yard. Wes was nuts about this one book, The House of Boo, his favorite. So he sat in my lap and we read and then he just kinda, slumped back into me. I thought he was cuddling at first or maybe he fell asleep. They told me his heart just…stopped”

“Oh, God.” Sam murmurs. “I’m so sorry.”

“I never thought I’d have a little brother, no one did. I mean, I’m almost twenty years older…”

Sam could tell her, but it’s better than she never knows what actually happened to Wes. There’s no reason to tear her world apart.

When he leaves that day he’s prepared to say his goodbyes and walk away for good. But she calls to him down the driveway.

“Can I see you again?”

-

Sam sees Y/N more or less every night for a month. After a couple of days she starts crying less and talking more. They go to dinner, to the movies, to the bookstore. It’s boring and normal and Sam loves every second of it.

She’s charming and delicate and witty. She makes him laugh. She’s holding his hand while she dances and sings in the isle at the midnight viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

She’s a terrible choice for his life, she’s afraid of everything; spiders, big dogs, horror movies, meteorites hitting the earth. He can’t help but feel a thrill run up his spine when she walks closer to him at night, finding a warm, safe place at his side, under his arm.

--

When she works up the nerve to sleep in her own house for the first time since her brother died, Sam stays with her. They spend most of the night in the kitchen talking about tv shows from their childhood and where they’d travel if they could go anywhere in the world.

“My grandmother left me this house,” she smiles softly sitting next to him at the dining room table. “When I first moved in it felt like coming home.”

“It doesn’t anymore?”

Sam’s ears perk up when she tells him she thinks it’s haunted.

“It’s strange, Wes loved it here, he’d spend every Friday night with me. Sam...I still see him sometimes, I know it sounds crazy but when I was here yesterday it’s like I could feel him. And I have these dreams, vivid fucking dreams that I swear are real. “You probably think I’m nuts, huh?”

“You never know.” He nods. “But I don’t think you’re nuts.”

She’s got this happy, tired grin on her face when Sam kisses her for the first time. Just the press of his lips, unobtrusive and sweet.

She laughs against his mouth, pulls away and laughs out loud.

“I’m sorry,” shaking her head she reaches for his hand. “You just make me really happy Sam, that’s all. I haven’t felt like it was ok to be happy for a long time.”

“I know what you mean.” He leans in to kiss her again and this time he laughs too.

--

It’s late, they’d been to a movie and had a few drinks and end up making out on her front porch like teenagers. Sam unceremoniously dry humps her, the two of them fully clothed as he grinds the bulge in his pants between her legs.

“Take me inside.” She pants, his mouth sealing over hers before she can even finish.

“You sure you want me to stay?” He double checks, big, warm thumbs rubbing over both her cheeks.

“I’m sure.”

They make it as far as the living room couch.

Sam paws at her jeans, yanking her panties off right along with them. She’s still standing when he drops to his knees and buries his head between her legs.  

She makes these little sounds, moaning his name with a fist full of his hair as he tongues her clit.

“Sam,” she tugs at his hair, bringing him back up to kiss her.

She’s breathless and the sound of his name coming from her mouth is something he’s imagined for a while. He slides his tongue into her mouth, swallowing whimpers as she tastes herself on his mouth.

Sitting him on the couch, she takes a condom and rolls it on his swollen erection before crawling into his lap. Sam just watches, making little grunts of approval when she reaches for his cock, wrapping her hand around the shaft as she presses the throbbing head of his cock against her hot, wet little pussy. She screws her eyes shut, soft hands grasping at his shoulders as she sinks down on him so slowly, inch by inch until her resolve falters and she sinks down, taking him all the way into her belly.

Her whole body moves up and down as she fucks herself on his cock, kissing him desperately.

“Oh God, Sam,” she moans as he pulls at her hips, holding her place. Sam can feel her stretched wide open, the most delicate part of her shivering on his cock. All he has to do is look down to get an eye full of her slick cunt stuffed full. They both start to move, Sam fucking up into her with the soft slap of their bodies coming together.

Between kisses, she says his name again and again, like a mantra while her curvy little hips work back and forth on his dick. Sam fucks her faster, watching her tits bounce, nipples grazing his chest as her pussy takes every inch.

Without a second of hesitation, he lifts her off his cock, ignoring her protest as he spreads her open underneath him and eases his cock back inside. His rhythm grows faster, skin smacking skin with every stroke. He doesn’t say a word that first time, just listens to his own grunts, her pants and the pornographic sounds of sex that seem obscenely loud. It takes everything in him to stay on task, every ounce of self-control not to come like a kid on prom night before she’s satisfied.

She comes around him, shaking like a one-woman earthquake under the weight of his body. Sam follows right behind her, coming with his face pressed into her neck, making embarrassing desperate sounds.

Sam holds her, soft nude thighs laying over his hips. He whispers things he knows he shouldn’t say, he tells her that he hasn’t wanted anyone as much as he wants her.

He almost tells her about Jess.

When he wakes up the next morning they’re still on the couch. The absurdly thin quilt he pulled off the armchair is barely covering her ass but her sleep-warm body is pressed into his side, calm in the lull of sleep.

Sam thinks he could be happy here in this house with her.

The time comes, as it always does, for he and Dean to move on. Sam is standing on her porch with a backpack slung over his shoulder, trying to find the right words for goodbye when she takes his hand between hers and says the magic word.

“Stay.”

--

This drabble was available on Patreon on 1/28. For early access to my fics and Patreon exclusive content, subscribe for $2 a month CLICK HERE

Tags:  @smallgirlbigpersonality @mereka18 @gryffindorable713 @trainlikeawinchester @winchesterprincessbride @bamby0304 @saxxxology @notyourtypicalrose @mariekoukie6661 @little-big-mac2 @emoryhemsworth @mystriee @atc74 @holyfuckloueh @bunnybaby121115 @mogaruke @darkmystress00 @jaspesangriento @kazuha159 @mirandaaustin93 @crispychrissy @schilj79 @wilde-abandon @hennessy0274-blog @bojabee @miss-samantha-winchester @impalaimagining-mainblog @andkatiethings @astephez @ladycynthia @mrswhozeewhatsis @lenawiinchester @feelmyroarrrr @mrs-meghan-winchester @har-rystyles @mistressofallthingsgeeky @theamuz @maui137 @stars-and-seas @vale0413 @impala67trenchcoat @curly-haired-disaster @ericaprice2008 @livelikeawinchester @althehufflepuff @itsthesamegametoday @bohowitch @spnwoman @just-a-normal-eccentric @gallifreyansass @StoneyGGirl @lonely-skys @81mysteriouslyme @missrandomista @soupornatural @stars-and-seas @natura1phenomenon @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @81mysteriouslyme @likhelbentin @mrooks0205 @zombiewerewolfqueen @winchesterprincessbride @squirrel-moose-winchester @fortisetgloriosusinarduis @closetspngirl @dominodoll @rainflowermoon @cleighwrites @camelotandastronauts @imarockstar45 @thebeastinside19 @courtney-padalecki @itsthesamegametoday @virtualgirlfriendsan @daisymoder72 @fandom-is-my-middle-name @mysticmcu @luciferseclipse @malinda1997

[changeling-fae]

New Life (Asra x Apprentice)

I actually got around to writing something, I’m amazed at myself. Anyway here is Part 1 of my fic about Isleen’s revival and Asra’s response. I’m not sure yet if it’ll be a 2 parter or a 3 but I’ll try and get them out soon.

Enjoy and feel free to comment!

Pairing Asra x Apprentice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was time, after months it was finally time. A sharp pulsing pull was filling Asra’s chest, causing him to flee the shop, chasing the feeling and knowing exactly where it was leading him. It had only been a day since Count Lucio was allegedly murdered by Ilya but none of that mattered now, it was finally time.

Faust was squeezing his shoulders, having been awoken from her nap in his clothes, “Friend?”.

“Yes.”, was his only word.

He had never run so fast in his life and soon he was in the mystical cave, the very walls aglow with ancient magic, practically dripping from the stones and stalagmites. By the time he entered the open cavern, the flower in the center was blinding with a prism of colors, forcing his vision to the dark water below.

His eyes were drawn to a small glowing form, a small transparent fetus reminding him of drawings he once saw in Ilya’s medical books. The tiny thing pulsed, causing a single ripple on the otherwise still lake. His eyes were transfixed as with every pulse the fetus grew, soon an infant and still glowing.

His chest burned like a claw was digging deep inside and he could barely breathe but he couldn’t look away. A child was curled in fetal form, then a teen, and then finally the form he remembered most, that he dreamed about every time he closed his eyes. The pulsing finally stopped and the blinding light from the flower faded into nothing.

He exhaled right as the woman’s body below inhaled and he was diving in without thinking, Faust slithering off him just seconds before. His hands reached for her still sleeping form before pulling her to him, breaking the surface quickly and dragging her ashore.

His hands cupped her face, her flesh burning under his touch and his eyes stung with heavy tears. It only a took a second before her eyes flew open, coughing out the water in her lungs, and he felt as if the ground had evaporated under him and that she was the only real thing left in the universe. He couldn’t breathe he was so happy.

“Isleen! Oh Isleen! You’re here, you’re back.” He was sobbing now, choking on his own breaths as her peach colored eyes confusedly met his before focusing to some unknown point, as if all clarity was lost.

His thumbs rubbed her cheekbones. “Isleen?”

Nothing, no response. She just stared, glassy eyed and as limp as a doll. A sharp chill ran through him, a creeping sense that something was wrong, and he tried to bring her focus to him. Her eyes landed on him but he could tell she wasn’t really seeing him.

He pulled back and let go of her naked form, quickly catching her once she started to tilt as if about to slump over.

“Isleen, do you know where you are? Who I am?” His hands were clutching her arms in desperation, panic in his voice but she didn’t respond. She did nothing. If not for her breathing and the warmth under his hands he would swear she was just a corpse.

A heavy feeling was sinking into his stomach, this was wasn’t right, did he perform the ritual incorrectly? Did the Devil lie? That her body would be revived but not her mind? Did he just condemn her to a fate worse than death?

What had he done?

He needed answers but first he couldn’t leave her, he was never abandoning her again, that he swore to himself.

She was still slumped against him, breathing steadily, and he pulled off his vest to wrap around her before standing, holding her in his arms bridal style. Faust slid up his leg, wrapping around his shoulders to peer curiously down at Isleen’s unresponsive form.

Her head cocked, “Friend well?”

Asra grimaced but determination filled him. “Almost, she will be.” She has to be, he wouldn’t give up on her, this was just a setback. Maybe the shop would help bring her out of her stupor.

He used his magic to obscure their presence when arriving back in Vesuvia, he didn’t want anyone bothering them, especially with her naked and vulnerable in his arms. Not that it mattered, the city was still buzzing about Lucio’s murder.

The magic lock on the shop’s door opened and even with the worrying circumstance, he couldn’t help but feel like he was truly home for the first time in months now that she was here in his arms. As if all was right in the world once again.

He looked down at her face, searching for any signs of recognition now that she was in her old shop. His face dropped into disappointment when she didn’t react, her eyes still unfocused and glassy. He brought her upstairs and gently placed her on the bed.

She didn’t move, just laid there like a puppet whose strings were just cut. Hot tears filled his eyes but he quickly wiped them away before crawling in next to her, wrapping her body close to his as all the adrenaline and emotional turmoil deflated from his body.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again he was in his oasis. The normally bright realm dull and quiet from his feelings of fear and doubt. He immediately looked for the entrance to the Magician’s realm and wasn’t at all surprised to find the mercurial fox waiting for him.

“Not quite what you wanted is it? Do you still think the price was worth it?” The Magician’s words sounded biting but they were spoken without malice or judgement.

Asra swallowed the lump in his throat. “What did I do wrong?”

The fox smiled slightly. “Did you think playing with the forces of life and death would be easy? That pulling a passed spirit from the void wouldn’t have scars? I know I’ve taught you better than that Asra.”

Asra perked up at his words, “So it is her spirit? It really is her?”

The smile grew at his questions. “You performed the ritual correctly, but death is not something that can be glossed over. A new form means a new life, some things will never be as they were before. You’ve made the choice to toy with the natural order of the mortal realm and now you must stumble as a newborn child, blind and helpless to what’s to come. I’m curious to how you two will develop in this new path you’ve made.”

He had no response to that and the fox chuckled at his silence.

When Asra blinked, he was no longer staring at the fox but at the bedroom ceiling. The sun’s setting rays of light basking everything in a warm glow. For a moment he thought that everything before had been a dream until he turned his head to find Isleen still beside him.

His mouth was set in a stern line, the Magician’s words ringing in his ears. A newborn child and new life, he had an idea what the old fox meant. The Magician was correct, death couldn’t be something just ignored and Isleen’s deceased spirit had been in the void for months.

Her spirit and mind needed time to adjust and recover, at least he hoped that’s what the fox meant but it was giving him some semblance of hope that he hadn’t doomed her to a life as a vegetable. He sighed and cupped her face, bringing his forehead to hers. She just needed time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asra had to keep himself from weeping, the first week of her revival filling him with conflicting emotions and already he felt another headache coming on. She hadn’t responded to anything he did, no words or sounds, she just laid in bed staring at nothing. He spent all hours of the day talking to her, reading to her, begging her, just any sign that she would be ok.

He knew he had to be patient but he couldn’t shake the fear that he had condemned her to a fate worse than death. He was willing to accept any price to himself for his deeds but he would have chosen his own death if he knew he was torturing her.

He sighed as he picked up her limp form to take her to the chamber pot. She really was as a newborn and he learned that she would relieve herself in their bed after eating or drinking anything, having felt it happen beside him when he slept. Luckily it had only been urine the first time but it had disturbed him when not even that caused a reaction in her.

He got pretty good at predicting when she would need to go and could clean her up quickly. He only had her wear one of his shirts for the moment, to make it easier for when he holds her over the pot and for cleaning. He was grateful that at least she opened her mouth on her own for eating and drinking after that first day, even if he had to physically feed her.

He had tried feeding her her favorite food, a hearty potato stew from her homeland, hoping it would trigger some form of reaction but to no avail. Now he kept to simple meals but they were running out of ingredients.

He gently placed her back into bed, tucking a short curl behind her ear. He wasn’t used to her having short hair, but her hair had evidently been cut right before her death and so she revived with how it had been last.

He was frowning as he absentmindedly stroked her cheek with his thumb, he had never left her alone before but she couldn’t walk with him to go shopping. Faust plopped down onto the bed from the shelf and cheerfully chirped in his mind, “Watch friend!”

Asra smiled at his familiar and stroked her head with his free hand. “Thank you Faust, I know you’ll do great at watching her.”

Faust cheerfully curled up at Isleen’s blanket covered feet and Asra grabbed his pack to go shopping. The city was somber, both from recovering from the plague still and from the conflicting feelings of Lucio’s death.

At least there was a silver lining in knowing that Isleen was alive and Lucio was just a pile of ashes in the palace.

It didn’t take long for Asra to reach the marketplace and the tantalizing scent of freshly baked pumpkin bread reached his nose. He immediately took a left into the baker’s stall and the plump cheerful man grinned at his entry.

“Asra! Please have a seat, I have a fresh batch that just came out.”

Asra’s lips tilted up into a gentle smile, “I’m afraid that I can’t stay, but I will buy two loafs please.”

The baker winked, “Coming right up.” He quickly wrapped up the loafs and handed them to Asra who paid by healing the older man’s fresh burn scars.

On the way out Asra rubbed the protective charm dangling from the entrance, Isleen’s work. When Asra returned to Vesuvia he found her protective charms all over their neighborhood and adjoining places, hundreds of them. Each charm filled with her magic, to last a year, and he had known that this is likely why she caught the plague in the first place. She used up all her magic to protect others and could no longer protect herself.

The baker stood next to him. “You know, I don’t remember where I got that from but I don’t have the heart to take it down either.”

Asra cocked his head and let the charm fall from his fingertips. “You don’t remember? Do you remember a woman by the name of Isleen?”

The baker thought for a moment before shaking his head. “No, a friend of yours?”

Asra’s smile was strained and he walked away. “I’ll be back soon for more bread, take care.”

As he shopped, he asked around about Isleen and not one person with a charm remembered her. A new life is what the Magician had said and it was clear what that consequence was. There was something tragic in knowing that all these people Isleen had saved no longer remembered her. Suddenly the shop was not hers but his, that it had been him who ran the shop for years. It wasn’t right but he found life never was.

He was troubled and saddened when he made it back to the shop, going upstairs to see Isleen still in the position he left her. Faust slithered up onto his shoulders and squeezed him when he sat on the bed, pulling Isleen’s form to him, her heartbeat his only comfort.

A confession whispered into her hair, “I’m so sorry.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wrong, she felt wrong. Pressure and gravity heavy in her bones, her skin itched and burned with every shift of fabric against her, and even her very breathing felt too intense. Like burning, she was burning.

She took a deep breath and jolted awake, her messy dreams once again scattering away from her and suddenly she felt like she was truly awake.

A strange spicy scent filled her nose causing her throat to burn and she shifted, the heavy feeling in her limbs creaking and she hated it. Her vision was fuzzy and watery as bright colors and lights focused into clarity and there was both a thumping and ringing sound in her ears that caused her to wince.

She took in her surroundings, the scratchy feeling burning her skin as she shifted again. Her eyes physically ached and pulsed at the bright colors and lights invading her vision. A reedy whimper scraped against her throat before turning into even louder sounds of distress, the sound vibrating from her chest. Even that felt wrong and soon her eyes were filled with burning tears as she tried to escape the sharp fabrics around her body.

A loud cry escaped her when she fell onto the ground, her arms radiating pain from the hard impact and now she was sobbing, suddenly unable to take in enough air. Loud thumping noises filled the room before a figure was in her vision, cupping her face and making noises at her. She didn’t understand the sounds even if she wasn’t wailing herself but the hands on her face didn’t hurt like everything else and she clumsily grasped them with her own.

She was scared of all these sensations and not knowing where she was but these hands felt safe, they felt right.

Asra for his part was trying not to panic but also he was overjoyed, something he hadn’t felt since her initial revival. It had been over three weeks since her rebirth and he had been downstairs, having just gotten back from shopping, when her heard her cry and fall out the bed.

He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw her moving, reacting! Of course, concern took the forefront of his emotions when he saw how scared she looked. She was currently clutching his hands to her face and trembling like a leaf.

“Shh, it’s ok Isleen. I’m here, you’re safe.” Her hands weakly squeezed his and he bent to pick her up and placed her back on the bed. She made another distressed sound and kicked the sheets around her while also clumsily tearing at the shirt engulfing her body.

Soon she was naked and curling into a fetal position, her body jolting with hiccups. He immediately crawled in beside her and very firmly but gently put pressure on her body with his hands, remembering how she preferred firm touches to soft, her skin always having been remarkably sensitive.

She started to calm at that and he smiled, taking deep breaths and feeling her soon mimic his pattern subconsciously. After a few more moments of quiet he tried talking to her again.

“Isleen, do you understand me?”

No response but she was at least watching him now, no longer a glassy eyed gaze at nothing. He smiled again, “It’s alright, we can just rest here, you’re safe I promise.”

Even if she couldn’t understand him, he wanted her to know his voice, to know through his cadence that she was safe. She continued to match his breathing pattern which he purposely kept even and soon her eyes grew heavy and he watched as she fell back asleep.

He had a feeling that things were about to get both easier and harder now. She was alive though, and that’s all that mattered.

[annerly-san]

Whiskey Woes | Real Contract

Real Contract - The Dangers of Alchemy and Cute Snakes

“Whiskey?”

A loud thud and a series of strange scuffling upstairs had alerted their attention to quickly make way to his room.

They rapped on the door with a quick sequence of staccato knocks before letting themselves in.

There was a few scattered papers and journals that laid haphazardly on the desk, floor and chair.  A rack of glass tubes held fluorescent liquids held its contents for the most part aside from one or two that were rolling back and forth with its contents spilled out on the desk.  Whiskey’s jacket was hung on the coat rack and his shirt and vest were piled strangely on the chair at his desk.

And he was nowhere to be seen.  They looked around his room, in his closet, under his bed for any signs of him and perhaps a kidnapped Pizza.

There was nothing.

Their attention was drawn to a little serpent curled up under a pile of papers when it had moved around and caused the papers to rustle.

It was a mid-sized python with a skin of deep russet, gold and woody brown.  It spotted them and flicked out its tongue once or twice before attempting to bury itself back in the stack of papers.  It nestled shyly under the papers and curled up with its head tucked under its stomach.

Was this a new one that Whiskey brought in without their knowledge?  They recollected to that one time they had found out that Whiskey enjoyed his little reptilian companions and snuck one on the motorbike ride back from Nevras.  He would typically find one or two and keep it at that.  The two live pets-- they excluded counting the duo of black ones that followed him in his shadows-- were resting snuggly in their appropriate tanks.

They took a quick look around the room, but did not spot a new enclosure for this one.

Had it snuck in by itself?

They approached the pile of papers cautiously and lifted up the sheets one by one as to not startle the reptile too much.  The snake poked its head up curiosity at them before immediately curling up again.

The gesture for some reason made their heart warm.

“Aww~...  are you shy, little guy?”  They made sure to be gentle in their handling-- initially running a light hand over the length of the snake and then lifting it up slowly into their arms.

Once they were holding it, they realized that it was slightly larger than what they had originally thought-- since it was curled up before.

The snake stared down at the ground before turning its head to face them with its head tilted slightly sideways.

“Dawww~.  You’re so cute!”  They couldn’t help bopping their nose with their own.  The snake immediately turned its head around.  They gathered up the rest of its length into their arms, and it started to curl and wrap its body around their torso and limbs.  “Where did you come from~?”  They started to pet the snake and engaging in a conversation with it.  Of course it wasn’t really a conversation, but rather just a one-sided delusional conversation with a snake incapable of speech.

“Did Whiskey bring you in here, or did you sneak in here by yourself?”

The snake flicked its tongue and started to drape themselves over their shoulders with its head hanging more or less in front next to theirs.  It bopped its head on their cheek which made them squeal in delight like a small child in a candy store.

“So cute~!  If Whiskey didn’t bring you here, then you can be my snek!” they announced proudly.  “And I will call you, ‘Snek’!”

The snake bopped its head on their cheek again which sent them into euphoric joy.

They noticed that the reptile was surprisingly cold and it held onto them quite tightly and would on occasionally burl its head against their neck as if seeking warmth.

Recollection of reptile facts brought them to the awareness that since it had been curling up in that dark pile of papers on the ground, it must have been quite cold.  It would need light and some sort of heat source in order to keep it warm and comfortable.

“Here we go~!”

The two of them arrived at the rooftop where they would occasionally take sun naps with Whiskey.  A nice hammock was already built there so they laid down there with the serpent curled up against them.  It looked quite cozy as it laid there with its eyes closed and its tongue flickering out occasionally.

“You look quite cozy, snek.”  They patted the snake tenderly.  For a brief moment, they thought that they caught the notes of butterscotch and vanilla in the air.  “I wonder where Whiskey went…  Should I go looking for him?”

The snake, much to their shock, shook its head side to side to gesture a “no”.

“D-don’t go looking for him?”

It nodded.

“A-and you’re understanding me…!”

It nodded again.

The worst thing came to mind.  “D-did Whiskey… experiment on you!?”

It turned away and didn’t make eye contact.

“DAMMIT, WHISKEY!!!”  The snake got startled by their sudden outburst.  They profusely apologized to it and calmed down a bit.  “Awww… I’m sorry, snek.  My food soul keeps kidnapping things and experimenting on them…”  The petted the snake apologetically.  “He doesn’t normally mess with snakes though… so I don’t know what happened to you…”

They put their hands up and waved them around.  “I-it’s not like he’s a bad food soul though!  He’s actually just-”  A dumbass?  A jackass?  A general ass?  “Someone that gets really absorbed into what he does.  He really likes to study alchemy for reasons that I’m waiting for him to tell me himself.”  

They started rambling to the poor snake now.  

“He tries really hard and is really smart, but he just lacks some common sense and tact at times.

At first, I didn’t really want to summon a food soul and I wasn’t sure whether Whiskey would be a good food soul…

He often gives me a headache because of the things he does like kidnapping Pizza, spiking customer meals with alcohol, and lying out in the middle of the street to take a nap.  But, I really… I’ve really enjoyed all those things…

I managed to find a lot of things about him, and it’s been interesting and fun to do so.  He actually smells like his alcohol counterpart with different aromas depending on how he feels.  He overworks himself and has no sense of self-preservation when he gets too engaged in something.

Oh… sorry, I started rambling…  I’m sorry that you had to listen to me go on like that.”

The snake stared at them for a moment before shaking its head and bopping it on their cheek.

“You… are so adorable, snek.  So adorable.”

The day wore on.  Thankfully the store was closed for its weekly off-day.  They didn’t do so much other than played with the snake, ate some food, and tried to feed the snake some food (it couldn’t eat normal foods and didn’t want to eat a dead mouse).  Though they didn’t necessarily look for Whiskey, they did drop by their friend’s shop to make sure that the Pizza was ok.  The snake kind of slithered towards the Pizza to do something, but immediately retreated when the food soul also called it cute and tried to hold it.

The snake was quite fond of them they seemed.  It wrapped itself around their torso and arms, around their neck and rested its head on their shoulder.  On occasion, it would bop them on the cheek or rub its head against theirs-- effectively eliciting a exclamation of sheer delight.

It wasn’t until they were taking a short nap on the rooftop hammock again in the waning light of the sun that they felt a sudden lurch and the presence of something beneath them.

Instead of the smooth skin of a snake they felt against them, it was something more warm, soft and pretty firm.

They immediately opened their eyes to find themselves laying on top of someone who had their arms wrapped around their torso and their head resting against theirs.

Loud screaming ensued.

Whiskey dodged the chair that his attendant threw at him.  That calm smile of his was once again, present on his face.  The non-chalantness of the facial expression sent his attendant into an even

“My apologies for startling you, Master Attendant.”  He evaded a thrown fork.

“WHAT WAS THAT?!?  WHISKEY, WHAT WAS THAT?!”  They flung a kettle this time only to have him side-step away from the projectile’s trajectory.  “WHY WERE YOU A SNAKE?!  I-I SAID TOO MANY THINGS BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE THE SNAKE, BUT YOU WERE THE SNAKE.  Y-YOU ARE A SNAKE!  YOU TRICKY-ASS BASTARD!!  WHISKEYYY!!!!”

“I was very flattered to hear your opinion of me, Master Attendant.”  He caught the table that his attendant managed to fling at him.  “It makes me happy that an incident like this could give me something useful.”

He placed the table down and walked over to his attendant-- who had run out of projectiles to launch into orbit.

“It was a miscalculation in one of my alchemy practices.”  He grabbed their wrists, preventing them from trying to whack him.  He was met with a screech.  “But I’m not quite sure what you’re so upset about-”

Another screech.  “IT’S SO EMBARRASSING!!!”

“Why is it so embarrassing?”

“BECAUSE!”

“Oh?”  There was a devious smirk that he hadn’t yet shown to them.  Whiskey grabbed them and pulled him close, huddling them in his chest.  He stared down at them, a devilishly teasing look in his eyes.  “Would you consider this embarrassing?”

“YES!”  They glared fiery eyes.  A crimson hue adorned the surface of their cheeks.

“Mmm… but you held me this way today~.”

“W-WHA-?”

“But it’s embarrassing for me to cuddle you like this?  Double-standards much, attendant?”

His attendant simply screeched in response.

“If I turned back into a snake, perhaps you would be more willing to cuddle?  I can easily-”

“I DIDN’T SAY THAT!”

“So you do want to cuddle with me?”  Whiskey tilted his head down to stare at his flustered attendant.  He had just noticed now that during his transformation, his shirt disappeared though his pants thankfully remained.  Perhaps that was why his attendant was so flustered.

“A-at least put a shirt on first!”

They started pushing him towards the door.

Whiskey took a pause at the door and glanced back at them with a smirk.  “Are you sure about that?”

The door slammed in his face.

[frozenartscapes]

Ice Burn - DA!Verse

Anna walked into her apartment as she always did after class. After throwing her keys into their bowl on a little shelf near the door, kicking off her shoes, and dropping her heavy bookbag, she wandered further into the living room to greet the few cats who were actually awake. “I’m home!” she called out to no one in particular. The cats might want to know, but she wasn’t sure if her sister was home. She remembered Elsa getting a call for a last-minute job just as she was heading into school that morning. So she assumed that Elsa was either already out on another job, or sleeping. Either way, she probably didn’t hear her come in.

Then Marshmallow came racing into the room. That was weird enough already as he almost never ran around the house like a bat out of hell like some of the younger cats did. But he was also making a noise she could only describe as the cat version of screaming.

“Marsh! Buddy! What’s wrong?” she asked desperately, dropping down to her knees to meet the cat.

Marshmallow went right up to her and actually bit her pant leg before tugging hard, indicating he wanted her to follow him. Still not entirely sure why, Anna suddenly felt a spike of fear pierce her heart. “It’s not Elsa, is it?” she breathed.

Marshmallow merely howled again and went racing off toward their bedrooms.

“Oh fuck.”

Anna quickly followed the frantic cat, making a brief stop in the bathroom to grab a few first-aid supplies from the medicine cabinet just in case her sister was really messed up. She reached her sister’s door to discover it slightly ajar and Marshmallow pacing just on the other side.

Upon entering the room, Anna noticed that it wasn’t cold. Ok, it was summer and their old building’s air conditioning wasn’t perfect but Elsa normally kept any room she was in slightly cooler simply because, well, she did. Ice powers tend to do stuff like that. But now...it wasn’t even remotely cool. It was almost kind of hot. And stuffy. Like walking out on a high-humidity day where the air feels too thick to breathe.

“Elsa?” she asked anxiously, noting the Elsa-sized lump of blankets on the bed, “You ok?”

The smallest of moans answered her from underneath the sheets.

“Please tell me you’re not dying under there,” Anna told her, reaching for the sheets as she did, “Because if you are...”

She pulled back the blanket to reveal her sister and she audibly gasped, releasing the blankets as she did. “Oh my god, Elsa!” she exclaimed in alarm, “Are you serious?”

Elsa was lying on her stomach, her head turned to one side facing Anna and her limbs splayed out in every which way. But that wasn’t the concerning part: what was concerning was Elsa’s black tank top revealing one of the worst sunburns Anna - the future nurse - had ever seen completely covering her sister’s back and shoulders.

Elsa groaned again, louder this time, and tried to move before giving up relatively quickly. “Nooo... The light hurts...”

“How the fuck did this happen?” Anna demanded in shock.

“D called last minute. I didn’t have time to change. Or put on sunscreen,” Elsa explained weakly, “I had to lie down on a roof for five hours in full sun.”

“Y...you had five hours to put on sunscreen or something to cover your back and you didn’t do it?” Anna sputtered.

“I couldn’t look away, you know, just in case. I tried to make a small ice shelter, but I think that only made things worse. Like magnifying glass with ants worse.”

“God you’re an idiot,” Anna said with a defeated sigh, “Hang on. I assumed you were bleeding out in here so I’ll go grab the aloe gel.”

One quick trip to the bathroom later, and Anna was back with the medicated gel. “Ok, so is it just your back and shoulders?” she asked.

Elsa nodded weakly. “Everything that you see. By the time I got home it hurt too much to touch it, let alone take my shirt off.”

Anna winced. “Yeah, I can believe that,” she said in agreement, further studying her sister’s bright red skin, “But here: this should help.”

She squirted some of the aloe onto her hand and went to rub it onto Elsa’s shoulder. She didn’t get very far, however, as the moment she touched the skin she was forced to sharply pull her hand back in alarm. “Ow, you’re hot!” she yelled, checking her hand to make sure it wasn’t burnt.

“Not with this sunburn I’m not.”

“No, you dork, like literally. Look.” Anna reached for a nearby water bottle and poured a few drops onto Elsa’s back. It actually sizzled when it met Elsa’s skin, before evaporating in a matter of seconds. “It’s like touching one of the burners on the stove.”

“...Well that might explain why it feels like there is an actual thunderstorm happening inside my body right now.”

“What.”

“Like my ice magic has not been working properly. At all. And on top of the headache I’m super nauseous like I got stuck on a spinny ride for the whole day and I’m really dehydrated and I...can’t move. Like at all.”

“Ok... Well, they certainly haven’t taught me how to handle anything like this,” Anna stated blankly, wondering the best way to approach this insane medical mystery.

“I’m never going out in the sun again,” Elsa declared, “Clearly I’m meant to exist only in the shadows.”

“Ok, no need to become an ice-wielding supervillain,” Anna sighed, “Hang on. The aloe will help this but I just need something to apply it with.”

Anna returned moments later with a spatula from the kitchen. When she met Elsa’s comically annoyed glare, she couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Oh my god I never thought you of all people would be throwing this many loops my way,” she said as she started applying the aloe gel onto her sister’s back like she was layering icing on a cake.

“I’m glad my misery is at least a little humorous,” Elsa said dryly.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry,” Anna replied, “It’s just... Well, now we know you need to always wear sunscreen. I mean, that should have been a given, based on our Northern European heritage, but... I just never thought I’d have a walking weather system as a sister - who apparently turns into the surface of the sun if she gets sunburnt.”

“The moment I can move again I will get you,” Elsa warned in the most unintentionally non-threatening way possible.

“Oh no, I’m so afraid!” Anna declared sarcastically, “Not a walking cooked lobster!”

With some degree of difficulty, Elsa managed to wave a hand in the manner she normally did to call a pile of snow to appear in the air above her sister’s head. What actually manifested, however, got her sister considerably wetter.

Anna wiped the water from her eyes in shock, having been completely soaked by her sister’s malfunctioning ice magic creating a wave of water instead of snow. When she shot Elsa a glare, her sister merely shrugged before immediately wincing in pain.

Upon seeing just how much pain Elsa was in, Anna sighed. “Ok, fine. I guess I deserved that for teasing you,” she relented, “But I’m still maintaining that you’re an idiot for not wearing sunscreen. And then not thinking how bad taking cover under a giant magnifying glass would be.”

“I have definitely learned my lesson,” Elsa stated, “I’m not sure I like being the ‘Water Queen’. Or an ant...”

“Yeah, Ice Queen does sound better, at least for you.” She then snorted a little as she struggled to hold back her laughter. “And I never thought of you as a red ant.

“I swear to god I will soak you again.”

AN: A few weeks ago, I was dumb and went to two bridal showers in one day without any sunscreen, and my exposed arms and shoulders paid for it severely. It fucking hurt and was a painful reminder for a good week or so as to why my Irish-Canadian ass always needs to wear sunscreen. But as I sat inside, avoiding all contact with the sun and slathering aloe vera on my bright pink shoulders, I got thinking about how paler-than-even-me Elsa would deal with a sunburn. And I thought DA!Elsa would be a good candidate.

I definitely think it would affect her powers. Whether or not it would do so as drastically as I portrayed here is up for debate, but I exaggerated for comedy purposes. Maybe I’ll do something for canon!verse, too. After all, they live in a time when sunscreen wasn’t invented yet, the dangers of the sun weren’t entirely apparent, and post-Thaw Elsa seems to only wear shoulderless dresses so it’s almost like she’s asking for it. But that’s another story to sit in my WIP folder.

[hydrus]

Version 335

windows

zip

exe

os x

app

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

When I first made this release, Github's file upload was not working right, and I used Mediafire instead. Github is now working and I have updated the links above.

I had a great four weeks updating hydrus to python 3. The update went well, and the releases today are ready for all users, but there are special update instructions just for this week.

python 3

The client and server now run completely and exclusively on python 3, updating from python 2. The new version has a variety of benefits, mostly in better unicode vs. data handling, but for hydrus it also runs a little faster, uses less idle CPU and significantly less memory, and has a little less ui-jank.

I am pleased with the update. None of it was extremely difficult, but there was a lot to do, a few headaches, and some new stuff to learn. I am glad I took the four weeks. I also appreciate the users who tested the preview releases in the past couple of weeks.

I have squashed a ton of little bugs, and everything normal like file downloading and browsing seems to work completely fine, but there are likely a couple of small issues still out there. If a dialog breaks for you and you get some popups about some datatype being mishandled, please send it to me and I'll get it fixed up for v336!

some notes

Unfortunately, for technically difficult reasons, I could not compile 'debug' versions of the executables, so these are gone this week. I will revisit this, but the original debug builds were a bit hacky and may no longer be practically possible in py3.

Also, I am not certain if the database menu's 'set a password' will have kept correct password data for unusual keyboards, so if you use this function, the client will, just for this v335, forgive incorrect passwords! If this happens to you, the client will give you a popup with more information and tell you how to try to fix it. I would appreciate feedback here, if you encounter it.

Due to a natural library update unrelated to py3, your hydrus sessions will likely be wiped (this also happened to some running-from-source users a little while ago), which means Hydrus will have to re-login to any sites you have logins set up for. If you have special cookies you need to save or re-import from your browser, get set up before you update!

Now, because py2 and py3 are incompatible, the new version cannot be run in a folder that still has old .dll files hanging around. Please follow the following to update:

update instructions for windows installer

Just for this week, I have added a routine to the installer to delete the old files (but obviously saving your db directory where your database and files are stored!), so you shouldn't have to do anything. I nonetheless recommend you still make a backup before you update. Backups are great, and if you don't make one yet, this week is a great time to start.

If you are a particularly long-time user and the installer fails to clear everything out, you may need to delete the old files yourself, like the extract users will have to:

update instructions for windows and linux extract

You will have to perform a clean install, which means deleting everything in your install folder except the db directory before extracting as normal. This is simple, but do not get it wrong. Do not delete your db directory--this is where your database and files are stored.

As always, if you have a recent backup, you don't have to worry about any possible accident, so make sure you have one.

update instructions for os x

Due to technical limitations, the OS X release is now App only. Furthermore, this App release will no longer store the db inside itself! The default location for your db is now ~/Library/Hydrus (i.e. /Users/[you]/Library/Hydrus). This also means that the future update process will be as simple as replacing the existing Hydrus Network App in Applications, just one action. I apologise that this important change has taken so long to come out, but we got there in the end.

If you are updating this week, you will need to make the Hydrus folder under your Library yourself and move your existing db there so the new Hydrus can pick up where you left off. If you use the tar.gz, you'll be moving the contents of your install_dir/db, and if you use the App, you'll want to right-click->Show Package Contents on your old py2 App and navigate to Hydrus Network/Contents/MacOS/db. You want the contents of db, not the db folder itself, so the path to your new client.db file should be ~/Library/Hydrus/client.db, for instance.

If you cannot see your Library folder, check this: https://www.macworld.com/article/2057221/how-to-view-the-library-folder-in-mavericks.html

If you have trouble with this, please let me know and we'll figure it out together.

update instructions for running from source

You'll need to make a new py3 venv and make new shortcuts. I now use pycryptodome instead of pycrypto and dropped some libraries, so I recommend you go to the 'running from source' help page again and just paste the new pip line(s) to get set up.

I don't think 3.4 will work, but 3.5, 3.6, and 3.7 all seem ok. Obviously contact me if you run into trouble. I'm also interested in success stories!

full list

important:

hydrus now runs completely and exclusively on python 3!

for users who are updating, the client has special install instructions for just this week:

if you are a windows or linux user who extracts to install, you will have to delete your old install's files (but keep your db folder!!!) before installing/extracting the new version so there are no 2/3 dll/so conflicts (don't delete your db folder!)

if you use the windows installer to install, this v335 installer will do the clean install for you! there is absolutely no way this could go wrong, so no need to make a backup beforehand :^)

if you are an os x user, I am now only releasing the client in the app. furthermore, the default app db location is now ~/Library/Hydrus (i.e. /Users/[you]/Library/Hydrus). you will have to move your existing db to this location to update, and thereafter you'll just be replacing the app in Applications!

if you try to boot a non-clean mixed 2/3 install, the client will try to recognise that and give an error and dump out

please check the release post for more detailed instructions here

.

semi-important:

the db password feature may be one-time broken for unusual keyboard languages, so failures this version will be forgiven with an appropriate error message explaining the situation. feedback from чики брики lads appreciated

I may have fixed the issue some linux/os x users were having launching external programs, including OS ffmpeg (it was a child process environment issue related to pyinstaller)

although I did most of my devving here on py 3.6, the client seems to run ok on 3.5. I doubt 3.4 will do it, if you mean to run from source

I moved from the old pycrypto to the new pycryptodome, so users who run from source will want to get this. I also dropped some libraries

.

misc bug fixes:

fixed the 'load one of the default options' button on manage tag import options when a set of default options is orphaned by a deleted url class

removed some popup flicker related to long error messages

fixed some parsing testing ui error handling

cleared up some bad text ctrl event handling that could sometimes cause a recursive loop

listctrls should now sort text that includes numbers in the human-friendly 2 < 10 fashion

cleaned up some bad external process calling code and improved how child process environment is set up

finally figured out the basic problem of a long-time nested dialog event handling error that could sometimes freeze the ui. I may have fixed it in one case and will keep working on this

.

boring details:

ran 2to3 to auto-convert what could be done

updated environment to python 3

went over a whole ton of unicode encoding/decoding manually to update it to python 3

removed all the old tobytestring/tounicode calls in favour of new python 3 handling

fixed all the file io to do bytes/str as appropriate

corrected a bunch of / vs // int/float stuff

fixed up twisted, which has some str/bytes stuff going on

fixed all the listctrls to deal with column sorting None values amongst ints/strs

fixed png export/import, which had some fun bytes/bytearray/int/str issues

updated the swf header parsing code to py3 (more str/bytes stuff)

misc float/int fixes

fixed up some http.cookies handling, which has changed in py3

improved some ancient loopback connection code that was only really checking to see if ports were in use

cleaned up a bunch of now-invalid parameter tuples that 2to3 helpfully marked

numerous misc other refactoring and so on

updated the new network engine to now decode non-utf-8 responses correctly based on actual response header

removed some old py2 manual http multipart code

removed the old py2 'matroska or webm' parsing py, replacing it with some direct ffmpeg format inspection

replaced all % formatting with the new .format system. I will slowly move to this rather than the current endless concatenation mess

deleted some more misc old code

tightened up some spammy network error reporting

converted all /r/n to /n in my environment project, ha ha ha

the ui seems to better support rarer unicode characters like 🔊

updated some of the install/update/backup help for all this, and some misc other stuff as well

fixed misc bugs

next week

A lot of small stuff piled up over the holiday. I will spend a week or two trying to catch up and also planning out the client API, which will be my first big job of the year.

I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year. Mine were great, and I am looking forward to 2019. Let's keep pushing and see if we can do some fun stuff. Thank you for your support!

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Everyone is writing depressed Lance on the way back to Earth (and I just want to feel included) omega Lance

Lance was gutted. He felt like a worthless fool. A worthlessly embarrassing fool. He'd slipped. He'd let let whole team have a glimpse of a side of him he'd rather they'd never seen. He was Lance. The comic relief. The seventh wheel. The temporary Red Paladin who'd stupidly fallen under Allura's spell! He didn't get it. He couldn't figure it out, no matter how he thought, it all came back to, why?! Why had he let himself develop feelings for someone so... perfect, and brilliant and so far out of his league? Hey gorgeous personality, her beautiful appearance and enchanting smile... he'd thought he'd loved her... but he'd never realised to what degree... they'd been so close, now it all they had was awkwardness. And since when had all his pretending become reality?! He might have flirted with Allura since day, but he'd known he never had a chance. He was just a boy from Cuba... and a boy who's heart already belonged to another. So now, here he was. Listening to the others chatting, as his shook. Crying silent tears so as not to burden the others. They were all so happy. So happy that Keith had come back... even if he wasn't the Keith remembered. The Keith he remembered was barely the same height as him. He was the Keith with a quick temper, always baited by the slightest quip... but this Keith... he didn't know what to do. What to say. Keith had come back radiating an aura of maturity. An aura telling Lance his feeble jokes and bad flirting weren't going to be appreciated. He was now someone Lance didn't recognise, yet his stupid feelings wouldn't leave him alone. His verbal banter with Keith had kept him going. When everyone was busy, all it'd take was a look, or a gentle teasing of Keith's mullet and that was it, they'd fall into an almost family like fight, no real bite in their words, but nothing akin to love. That had been enough, but now he didn't even have that. He was alone in Red, Kaltenecker his only companion, and the memories of his death to keep him company. He was lonely and miserable. Hating himself for how desperately he wanted one of them to reach out, to simply ask if he was ok. It was pathetic. He was pathetic. They were going home, but what happened then? Shiro was back. Which once again meant there were more Paladins then lions. If they were to build a new castle with the help of Earth and the Galaxy Garrison, then they'd insist on staffing the castle with their people. Most suitable Paladin's would be selected, though it was up to the lions if they accepted them. None of them had asked to be Paladin's, yet the others... the others filled their roles so perfectly. There really was no space for him. Hunk's laughter filled Red. Pidge teasing him over something trivial, while Hunk spluttered and laughed. It hurt to hear. They were all so happy. So full of hope. While he was alone. He didn't even know if they knew he'd died. He could still feel the coldness nested in his heart, at first he'd thought it from Allura accidentally breaking it, but now he was sure it was from his death. He was supposed to be dead. He was supposed to be dead and now he was sitting here like some abomination "Paladins, we'll set up camp for tonight on the planet ahead. We need to plan our trip home, and there will be much to do along the way" "Alright Allura. Because you asked so nicely" "Don't be hangry, Hunk. We'll feed you once we get there" "I'm not Hangry" "Sorry Hunk, I've got to agree with Pidge on this one" "Ha! See. Even Shiro agrees!" "Shiro, man. I thought we were friends" "I think we could all use some rest and food..." "I don't know if I'm ever going to get used to this confident Keith" "Don't start on me Pidge" "I'm just saying! You've changed" Allura giggled as something rustled in the background "Of course he's changed. He was gone for two years!" "And he comes back with such a pretty girlfriend" "Shiro, Romelle isn't my girlfriend" "Why not. She's pretty" "I can't believe you. I save you and this is how you repay me?" "What can I say? My little brother is so grown up" "Keep going and I'll put you back in a pod" "Now boys, no need to fight" "That's right. I'm recovering, go easy on me" "And he's only got one arm!" "And grey hair! You've gotten old!" "There's nothing wrong with my hair!" "Yeah, nothing a little dye wouldn't fix!" "Shiro, ignore Pidge. I think your hair suits you" "Shut up, Matt!" "Thanks, Matt" See. They didn't need him. They hadn't needed him when they'd stopped on Olkarion to explain the situation. They hadn't needed him when Matt had decided to join them. None of his friends had even noticed when he'd returned to Red ahead of time, only caring that he'd been in his pilot seat when they took off. It wasn't like he hadn't asked if there was something he could do, but Hunk had brushed him off, while Pidge had told him to leave it to the "big kids". He hadn't said a single thing to any of them since, that was a nearly a movement ago... * Landing on the planet, the others had landed so there wasn't actually any space for Red near them. The plateau they occupied was nestled between two sharply sloping rises, neither of which had enough space for Red, and the next closest space was a good three to four hundred metres away. Whatever. It was better this way. No one would hear him crying in his sleep, and no one would bother making the walk. He'd just get some sleep, and be yelled at in the morning for keeping them all waiting. Standing, Lance ran his hand over his pilot's chair sadly. He was going to miss Red. Even if she might not feel the same "Red, can you please open your mouth? I need to let Kaltenecker out for the night" Obliging, Red lowered herself, opening her mouth and allowing a cold gush of fresh air to fill her cockpit. Kaltenecker mooed, not at all impressed over the frigid air "I'm sorry girl. You know the rules" Kaltenecker went out at night, otherwise she'd mess up Red's cockpit in more ways than one. Leading his stubborn cow down, he tethered her right beside Red's jaw, before backtracking and grabbing her water pale "I know girl, but you've got plenty of grass?" Kaltenecker looked so completely done with him. He really must be pathetic "Don't worry. I'll make sure you go to a good home when we get back to Earth" Flicking her tail, she turned her back on him. Opening the doors to the cargo bay, Lance looked at the pathetically small piles of belongings he had. He'd tried to make the effort to keep things neat and organised in a manner that would make Shiro proud of him, but what was the point when he never talked to them? Back home, his mother had always been on his case about making his bed. About how an omega needed to know how to run a household. How to cook. How to clean. What to say. What not to say. What to wear. What to be. Every part of his life was ruled by his secondary dynamic, and it wasn't until he'd joined the Galaxy Garrison that he'd realised he was incredibly lucky to know everything his mother had taken the time to drill into him. Male omegas were a joke. An abomination. They weren't even permitted into the Galaxy Garrison, but Lance had gotten his letter of acceptance before he'd ever had his first heat. No. That came two weeks later when his mother and father were away on a business trip and he was supposed to watch the house with his older brothers, but they both had girlfriends and he'd been left alone. The moment he'd realised what was happening, he'd been filled with terror that just thinking of the memory still triggered that same terror. His mother had come to find him half dead, unable to care for himself during his heat. His brothers had been been smacked with her shoe until they'd both been reduced to tears, while he had been taken to the doctors and given a new and highly experimental shot, designed for long term suppression. He still got "heats" but instead of loosing control of himself, it instead consisted of a week of cramping and headaches, while his own sweet scent was completely obliterated. Something he considered a small price to pay to achieve his dream of being a pilot. Scents were one of the first things noticed when finding and selecting a desirable mate, but he couldn't smell the difference between an alpha and beta, or even a omega for that matter. The only scents he could pick up were from deodorants, or soaps, or shampoos. Things like that. When Hunk and Pidge had incorrectly assumed him a beta, he hadn't corrected them. Being a beta wasn't exactly high in social standing, but it was miles higher than a male omega. Shaking his head over the state of Red, Lance ignored it completely, making his way over to the pilot of blankets that now served as his bed, and crawling into them without even bothering to undress, or bothering to eat. The Olkari had made sure they were all stocked with enough rations to last them a phoeb. His having magically appeared one day in Red's cockpit without his knowledge. He would have liked to have thanked Ryner, but she was always so busy with everyone else that it always felt rude to interrupt. Now he'd probably never have the chance. Curling around his Bayard, he cried himself to sleep. Lance was awoken by angry pounding. His heart was racing, being woken by anger was perhaps the scariest way to wake. When his dad had lost his job, he'd drowned himself in drink. Being the youngest, Lance hadn't known to run and hide like the others. His father had knocked him around more than once, before his mother had thrown him out to get sober. When his dad had come home, things had gone back to normal... but the fear remained. It was an irrational fear his seven year old self couldn't understood. Every time his father would raise his hand, even if it was to ruffle his hair affectionately, his heart would race as he flinched away. Veronica had let it carry on for your years before finally explaining to him. He didn't hate his dad for hurting him, his dad hated himself enough over it for the both of them. But trauma is a funny thing. Climbing to his feet, he wrapped his arms around himself as he walked over to door in Red's mouth, pressing down on the hand pad to reveal a very pissed Pidge "What the fuck, Lance?!" "What..." "Don't what me. Your stupid cow was down at camp this morning. If you can't look after her, you never should have brought her with you" "Is she ok?" "No she's not. She's cut her back leg on something. Allura's going to take her so Romelle can treat her wound" "I..." "Just get your act together, and stop sulking. You're not the only one hurting right now" "I get it. Sorry, Pidge" "So you should be, we don't need the stress right now. We're heading out, so try not to fall asleep" He knew Pidge wasn't a morning person, but shit. He'd made sure Kaltenecker was tethered properly. He'd even double checked she was. Now she was hurt, and it was his fault... Once again the kept their coms at they flew. With no teladuv, they'd fly for six or so vargas, land on whatever moon or planet was closest for a short "lunch" break, then fly for another 6, before making camp for the night. As usual everyone was chatting off and on around him, while Lance stared down at his Bayard. Allura has said he was meant for greatness, and he supposed idiocy counted. The world's greatest idiot. That was him "So Lance, what's the first thing you're going to go when you get home?" Lance jumped at the sound of his own name, taking a few ticks to place the voice. Keith's mum... why was she talking to him? She should be happy with Shiro and Keith... she'd practically adopted Shiro on the spot "Knowing Lance its going to be something stupid, like chatting up girls by telling them he's some big space hero" "Either that or he's going to stuff his face. I can smell the garlic knots from here" Everyone laughed, Shiro pointing out that Hunk was probably going to be the one to stuff his face. Lance's face burnt. Keith had probably told his mum just how much of hopeless flirt he was, and about all the times he'd been rejected "Ha ha, good one guys" "See, he doesn't even deny it" "Seriously man, there's more to life than girls" When he didn't reply to Matt, Pidge giggled "Awww, I think we hurt his feelings. Lance, its ok. I'm sure someone out there will like your bad jokes" "It's fine. I'm going to take a nap" "Food and sleep! What a life!" The conversation moved on from him, Lance crawling from his chair, making his way to behind it as he hid his face against his knees. He just needed to make it home. If he made it home, he'd never see any of them ever again. When that nights planet was decided, he was the first to land, turning his coms off and heading out of Red before the others had even finished powering down. Relieving himself quickly, he ignored how light headed he felt. He probably should bother to eat, but it was just so much effort. Walking back to Red, he could see the others already making camp. Shiro supported by Krolia, Keith standing beside the protectively. It was a bitter feeling. Heading back into Red, this time he actually bothered to find a ration pack, and bottle of water. If he got sick, they'd all get madder at him. Settling down in the back corner of Red, he picked at the granola like bar with disinterest, while trying to figure out how to actually contribute to the team. He didn't want to be dead weight anymore. Lance was crying softly when something wet ran up his face. His breath caught as he tried to escape the situation, only to be yipped at as something solid pressed against his chest. Wiping his face, the omega blinked, sniffling as he realised it was Keith's wolf "Did you get lost again? I'm not Keith..." He couldn't even remember the dumb dogs name, but staring right into his eyes, it lowered itself down, huffing as it did. It's two large paws firmly against his chest, so there was no way he was going anywhere. Thumping it's tail, the wolf nuzzled at his face "I'm not your human..." Lance hesitated before wrapping his arms around the beast, nuzzling its soft coat as his soft cries turned to sobs. This was the first real warmth he'd felt in quintants that hadn't come from a cow "How come you're here? Keith's gonna be mad when he realises you've been slumming it with me" Carding his fingers through the blue fur, the wolf didn't pull away, though it did stop nuzzling at his face, instead resting its face on his shoulder "Sorry. I should let you get back" When Lance's fingers loosened their grip on the fur, the wolf let out a whine, as if telling him not to let go "Do... you maybe want to stay here a little while? I was going to go to sleep" Keith must have taught the wolf "sleep" as it pulled away, before laying beside his leg "What am I going to do with you?" Sliding down his bed, Lance tentatively snaked his arm around the wolf, burying his face back again the fur as his he pulled a blanket over the pair of them, and settled down properly "I don't know if you can understand me, but thank you... all I ever do is mess up... so.. thank you" That night was he first night since his death that Lance didn't wake from a screaming nightmare. Instead he woke to Keith's wolf liking at his face, and pawing at his chest "Alright, I'm up. I'm up!" Yipping, the wolf disappeared and reappeared, playfully lowering its self before each jump "You need to go back to Keith. He'll get mad" The wolf cocked it's head, as if telling him he was stupid "I don't have much for breakfast..." The granola bar from the previous night was still beside his pillow. Pulling the wrapper off, Lance threw the bar, the wolf catching it happily "You need a name. I don't know what Keith calls you, but I'm going to call you Storm. Thanks for last night, but I'll be ok. Go back to Keith before he gets too worried" Yipping again, the wolf disappeared, this time not reappearing the cargo hold. Today's topic of conversation was Keith's missing wolf. Lance hadn't turned on his coms until after they'd left the planet, so had come in late to the conversation "She was gone all night" "She probably just found a rabbit" "Her fur was damp... Coran, didn't you say that planet was devoid of water?" "Right you are, Keith" "Which means she was off getting into trouble" "She seems happy enough" "Maybe she's been raiding the supplies?" "Don't even joke about that, Pidge" "Why don't you follow her?" "Because following a magical disappearing space wolf is just that easy" Lance didn't even realise what he'd said until it'd slipped out. Allura had been asking a simple question "Wow Lance, someone's salty" "Lance, you didn't need to be rude to Allura like that" "I'm sure Lance has his reasons" No! Why was Allura making it sound like she deserved it... "That's not what I meant..." "It's fine, Lance" "Way to bring down a mood. Wanna play "eye-spy?"" "No, you cheat" "I do not cheat! You just can't match my level of intellect!" "Oh I beg to differ, Katie" "Are you challenging me, Matt?" "I just might be" "Bring it on!" Someone groaned, but Lance didn't want to hear it. Cutting the transmission, he pulled out his Bayard, activating it. Staring at the blade, he placed it in his palm, balancing it while sighing. He'd suffered with depression for years, even before presenting, but he'd never hit a low like this. Each time he'd felt low, he'd always forced himself to carry on, but if he was leaving them all, what was the point? He'd never tried to hurt himself intentionally, outside of punching the occasional wall or door, but maybe that's what he needed. Inside Red, he was safe. His emotions numbed to some degree by their mental link. Maybe that was why he was feeling so disconnected? He just wanted to feel something other than depressed, and pain... that wasn't sadness. With his shirt hiked up, and his pants unbuttoned, Lance had his bottom teeth captured between his lip as he stared down at his right hip bone. He'd always been so gangly. Too tall to be an attractive omega, and his curves were barely existent. Pressing his blade to his hip, he hissed as he nicked the skin, and drop of blood rushed to form. Shit... he'd actually... he didn't want to do this... yanking the blade back, the tip caught on his hip bone, cutting through his skin for a good inch and a half before he even realised what he'd done. He'd never been great with a blade, but now he'd panicked uselessly and done the very thing he'd decided not to. Blood poured from the wound while Lance cursed himself. Pressing his hand firmly to the site, he forced himself up, gritting his teeth as he stumbled into the cargo hold. Leaving bloody hand prints across his supplies, he finally found his first aid kit. Who the quiznak thought letting him a blade was a good idea? It took him nearly half a varga to dress the stupid wound because the bleeding didn't want to stop, and then his pants rubbed against the gauze, making him yelp each time he tried to move. The others would love this. He'd hit the bottom, tried to hurt himself, scared himself out of it... only for him to hurt himself and get blood all over the place.

[jaybeartodd]

Colleagues Pt. 3/17 — Jason Todd x fem. reader

Y/N is struggling with this newly found information but decides to push it aside while things are going well. And maybe this Jason character isn’t as awful as he initially seemed...

Sorry this is so long! I was planning on making this two parts but I forgot to stop typing. Whoops. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy and thank you for the amazing feedback! You guys have been fantastic!

Warnings: swearing and mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 1974

Tagging: @sarcasmismyfirstlove 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

It is sheer will and your hand supporting your chin that is at least keeping up the appearance of vitality as your professor lectures at the head of the classroom. After a quick digestion of the information discovered last night, you managed to hammer out a killer essay and get a whole 3 hours of sleep before having to wake up for your morning class. 

You are trying to focus on what the professor is saying by watching their mouth but all you can hear is the conversation between you and Nick.

It was after a long shift at your old job that you came home to Nick using the kitchen for actual cooking purposes. Throwing your bag down you eyed him wearily as he gave you happy smile from behind a steaming stove.

"Hey sis! I got us a real meal; steak and mashed potatoes.” 

You can't help but laugh at the absurdity of his appearance. He has his long purple hair tied up in a bun and your Batman apron tied around his body. 

“What did I tell you about buying that disgusting meat at the butcher down the road?” you ask leaning over the sizzling pan cautiously expecting the worst. 

“No sis. This is real steak from a real store,” his dimples flash seemingly innocent and the steak does look halfway decent. If you even liked steak.

“Nick,” you sigh grabbing at a headache forming from the thought of him getting into your cash again.  

“No, Y/N, look I swear it was all my own money. I didn't take a cent from your jar in the dresser. Cross my heart,” he gestures to his heart. Mental note; move jar. 

You let out a breath and look into his brown eyes full of pride. You see the little brother who would do this silly promise ritual years ago when hiding in your self-made fortresses. Before he lost his way. 

Finally giving in, you cross your heart in sync with him and he laughs kissing you on the cheek. After finishing up the cooking, you manage to have a decent dinner with him even if you push around the steak so he won't notice you not eating it. 

It is one of the best moments you have had with Nick since you had to move in with him after several of his stints in jail. But you can't help the question burning in the back of your head. 

“Where'd you get the money, Nickie?” you ask somberly. Instead of the guilt you are expecting you see his face beam.

“I got a job,” your eyes widen at this. The boy who hasn't held a job in years can suddenly afford steak with work he has never even mentioned applying for. 

“No really! I got a delivery job! It is with a Mr. Sionis and it makes enough money that you can stop worrying about me and start focusing on paying your school and I can finally start supporting Trey.”

You can't help but absorb the pure joy emanating from him. You hug him and enjoy the moment even though you know he could make all the money in the world but the mother of his child would never let him have anymore than the every other weekends he is getting. Not that you can blame her. She has a big house, nice husband and great career. Trey is a cute kid and deserves the best life possible, Even though you miss him dearly and you know it crushes Nick. 

This memory still rings fresh in your head as one of the better ones even though Nick went straight back to his binging within one week of work leaving you to pick up the essentials. At least he has somehow held the job and pays for his own alcohol now. You aren't blind to the effect the job has had on your brother and now your curiosity grows knowing who his boss is and even more now that Mr. Wayne seems interested in the guy despite him supposedly being in Arkham. 

You show up to your desk that night to find an invitation laying on it. Looking around you don't see anything out of the ordinary. Although, did you expect to see someone gazing above their respective cubicle laughing at a rather lame prank?

The Wayne logo is painted across the front of it and you open it to see an elegant flourish of details of a ball. It seems you are cordially invited to the annual Wayne Enterprise Ball. You can't help but feel a grin spread across your face. How very posh. You chuckle to yourself but you know you are excited at the chance of attending the most prized Gotham event.

You probably will not be the most lavish of the attendees considering your limited store options that pair nicely with your limited cash flow but hell you will feel damn beautiful. You clutch the invitation close to you before putting it into your bag unaware of the amused pair of eyes watching your reaction. 

“Jason, your attention would be appreciated.”

Jason sighs and pushes himself off the window he was observing you from. 

“Yeah yeah Bruce. You've got the fullest of my attention.”

The next two weeks go by fairly quickly, You managed to make it to break from school with only a couple of sleepless nights preparing for midterms. Nick hasn't had another binge since the night you found out the interesting tidbit about his new job. Troy had a great visit where we attempted to bake ending in a floury mess. All of this, plus your growing excitement for the ball tonight, has caused you to push the Sionis incident from your head for now. You really didn’t want to rock the boat while it was wading steadily for once.

Your rose red dress from a nearby thrift store illuminates your carefully illustrated makeup and your y/h/c piled on top of your head once you are ready to head to the ball. You lock the door behind you and can’t help but feel giddy.

Not only are you being handed the perfect opportunity to make fun of ridiculous people in one setting but you are being handed the perfect opportunity of meeting local newspaper hotshots who could be your road into journalism. 

Your heels from a lifetime ago that you dug from deep depths of your closet may look great but are not the ideal footwear for a hike to Wayne Manor so you made sure to save up for a taxi. Not your atypical classy but better than appearing with bloody feet and being mugged 67 times on the way there. 

The Wayne Manor is hard to miss even as you are a mile away. You find yourself dazzled by the vastness only seen previously by you on TV. Your taxi driver drops you off at an appropriate amount of distance so that you can walk.

You pass what you assume to be millions of dollars of jewelry and satins as you make your way towards the mansion. An older gentleman with a gentle face is checking invitations at the door. 

You hand him yours hoping not to seem too eager. He gives you a warm smile as you thank him. 

“Have a fantastic night Ms. Y/L/N.” his accented voice reads your name off the invitation. 

The inside continues to astonish you as you take in the riches you thought only existed in movies. You can't help but gawk at the amount of stairs. Why do rich people need so many stairs?

After grabbing a drink, you go in search of familiar faces. You greet a few of your coworkers but then your eye catches an editor for a major newspaper in Gotham. You wander over to the assorted foods and pretend to be interested in them when in actuality you are plotting the best way to introduce yourself. 

“You're staring,” a voice makes you jump and drop your plate you had began filling up.

Oh there's only one person that could be.

You turn around to find a smirking Jason Todd. He cleans up nice, you mentally note. He has a crisp, obviously expensive black suit on and his hair is semi tamed back with some gel. 

“Is this some weird hobby you have? Scaring the crap out of people so that they drop absolutely everything in their hands,” you bend down to grab the food but he holds out a hand and swiftly crouches and sweeps the crackers back onto the plate. He grins and offers the plate back but your only answer in return is a look of annoyance.

He shrugs and puts the plate back on the table. 

“So why are you staring at Mr. Prie?” he asks and you cross your arms.

“I'm not.” he hitches an eyebrow at this obvious lie,

“Yeah ok well since you aren't you probably don't want me to introduce you to him,” he challenges you with an amused look and his hands casually shoved into his pockets,

You contemplate your options. Ignoring Jason and hopefully keeping the clumsy at a normal rate. Or meeting the man that could possibly give you the job of your dreams.

“Fine, yes I would love to meet him. Could you please introduce me?” you grumble and this seems to feed the smirk.

“On one condition,” he says. 

“Listen pal I am not being blackmailed into a date-” 

“One dance. That's all I ask. One dance,”

You stare at him calculatingly.

“Is this how you usually get girls?”

“I usually don't work so hard,” you blush at this which amuses him.

“Fine, you weirdo. I will dance with you but first introduce me,” you give in.

He offers his arm with a boyish grin. You roll your eyes and stroll past him towards Mr. Prie. 

Jason does an impressive job of introducing you as a highly-valued employee and even compliments your character. Damn, this man can charm the pants off of anyone. Mr. Prie ends up offering you a personal tour of the paper, making you even more successful than you thought you'd be.

You manage to keep your calm professional look as you shake his hand but when you are out of earshot you punch Jason in the arm in excitement.

“A personal tour!” you rub your hand after punching a surprisingly thick mass of muscle.

Jason’s grin matches yours as you look up at him absolutely beaming.

“Thank you so much for your help,” you say genuinely. 

“Hey don't use your words to thank me,” you look at him questioningly as he does an obnoxious spin and offers his hand out to you, “Use dance.”

You chuckle at his dramatic voice.

“Yeah about that, I can't dance,” all of a sudden you are pulled into the dancefloor and you collide into Jason's firm chest.

“Nonsense,” he says and you shake your head.

He looks at you sympathetically, “Here just follow my lead.” His hand wraps around your waist drawing the breath from you while his other hand clasps yours. 

Placing your free hand on his shoulder, your feet follow his and after a few toe-steppings, you find yourselves falling into a natural movement. 

“I am really sorry I was so rude to you the first time we met. I'm not usually like that I promise,” you say breaking the silence.

His eyes twinkle bemused. 

“I think I am the one who should be apologizing. I was being a jackals.” he admits.

You nod your head. “Yeah, you're right. Forget what I said.”

He laughs a hearty sound and you can't help but enjoy the vibrations it sends through his chest. 

The night is turning out way better than you expected. But it can only last but so long.

[humanitysteeped-blog]

Establishing Ties

Louisiana stays beautiful as planet earth rolls us into the Fall. It’s sunny and the trees are still green while we get nice little cold fronts that send all of our basic girls out of their front doors in uggs ready to consume all things pumpkin spice. This is the busiest time of year for me.

The company I️ work for rakes in almost half of the fiscal years sales in the weeks between Halloween and Christmas. Needless to say I️ haven’t actually participated in the fall events that canvass New Orleans during the fall months. I️ tell myself this is ok since I️ got to grow up here and will most likely live out the rest of my days here. I’ll have fun when I’m old: This tends to be the golden rule I️ live my life by.

I️ also tend to struggle staying upbeat and motivated in my personal life. The cold hard truth about me is my personal life has always struggled in the fall and winter months due to the fact that I️ choose to invest my energy into my professional life. This has led to a very reliable depression that sets in right after Halloween. The mind is an interesting machine in the way that it stock piles emotional experiences and connects them to sights, sounds, and yearly events. I’m aware of this pattern. I️ usually notice it coming because my normal masturbation schedule goes down to once a week and my six day a week gym schedule barely reaches three days. My clothes pile up and I️ shower and groom myself with half the commitment. Seasonal depression is what it’s called. I’m starting to wondered if I️ just need to make a point to build up my perception around this time of year....or make positive time for myself and the people around me, perhaps.

This year I️ accidentally stumbled across this little realization because of a guy. I️ feel like it’s always I️n the throws of human interaction that we learn the most about ourselves and for that reason being lonely isn’t healthy, even for introverts. Some of us learn about life by having emotionally trying interactions. Some people say I’m a hot mess, but I️ prefer to think that I’m on the accelerated crash course of life. Learn fast and hard, Boys. It’s the only way to fly.

I️t was the week before Halloween and Magazine Street was alive with the relief of approaching fall weather. I️ had been at work all day and was enjoying the business that I️ was raised to embrace. I️ was working the register to give one of my employees a break and enjoying the rare but cherished chunk of time each day that I️ get to interact with my customers. The garden district is a uniquely fulfilling place to run a business because of the perfect mix of friendly regulars and excited tourist who are touring one of the most beautiful cities on earth. New Orleans has the friendliest customers. Metairie and Mandeville do not. Just an observation from a native.

I️t is a standard in my business that we ask for customers names to write on the cups with the hopes of inspiring a repeat visit and a genuine connection. I️ picked a company that modeled my own values built around relationships and human connection.

One thing I️ like to do is ask how the customer wants their name spelled. Even if it’s simple. I️ want them to feel like their experience is personalized because I️t truly should be. But also sometimes I️ do this because the customer is cute and I️ want to keep him at my register for further banter. I’m overly obsessed with work but not dead, ladies.

I️ saw him in line behind three customers. Taller, light brown hair that could be mistaken for blond from a distance. Deep set eyes and a strong jaw. He was built yet lean. Very smart looking. He wore red Toms that didn’t match his green plaid button down and shorts. He had a book bag so but was alone so I️ assumed he was a local. My friends will tell you I️t takes a lot for me to go out of my way to be blatantly flirtatious. It’s a once a year type of event. Typically I️ like to be pursued beyond a shadow of a doubt before reciprocating. I️ don’t have time to misread the signs and create an awkward interaction that I’m going to be annoyed about later. To make this long story as short as possible I️ ended up flirting with this guy to the point of him asking me out and then spending a full twenty-four hours with him.

Best day I️n record of my life. I’ll tell you why...

As human being’s we’ve learned to keep moving through life at a very fast pace. Half of our living is done via the internet to streamline a life lived to its fullest. I️ am guilty of this. So meeting someone I️n real life and establishing rapport face to face was exciting and satisfying. If you’re wondering what ever happened to romance you may want to ask yourself when the last time your first interaction with a love interest was actually face to face. The human senses facilitate bonding with your environment. Yet we like to start our most important connections through an app that masks all sight, sound and scent. Probably not the best start.

We had dinner plans but met for lunch earlier because we obviously liked each other. I️ ended up staying with him until the next day. I️ know what you girls are thinking..I️ didn’t have sex with him for a bunch of reason. Calm down. Let I️t be noted that I️ absolutely wanted to though. I’m human.

Spending a straight (or not so straight) twenty four hour with this guys was a big deal for me. Let me break I️t down for you. I️. Do. Not. Like. To. Be. Still.

Every relationship I’ve ever had has been complicated by my need to keep moving. Don’t ask me to sit and have coffee for three hours because I️ will get stressed. I️ will get stressed and then I️ will run out of things to say which will make me more stressed and I️ will break up with you. You’ll think I’m not interested or boring or an asshole. I️n reality I’m probably obsessing about one hundred things work related. I️ live three weeks I️n the future always. I’m the guy that gets really excited about throwing a party and plans for weeks and then the day of the party I️ don’t get to enjoy I️t because I’ve already moved passed I️t to the next thing I️ want to do. I️ live planning my vacations but end up spending them thinking about everything I’m going to do when I️ get back home.

This guy got me to stop that for twenty four hours. I️ just stopped. The relief was overwhelming I️ was more rested from that day than any two week vacation I️ had ever taken. But I️ was also drained. After you run for along time stopping almost always means being very tired. You may even need to cry as a way to mentally detox.

Halfway through my twenty-four hour romance I️ was exhausted, yet peaceful. This guy had a calming affect. I️t may have been his insistence on constant physical contact and direct eye contact. Maybe I️ just had I️t coming. I️ had a headache and I️ was starting to analyze every aspect of the way I️ was feeling. I️ felt amazing but I️ also worried. He lived I️n another state and he would go back. I️ don’t do long distance relationships so I️ had no expectations for the future. He also was on leave from the military and I️ know from personal experience that leave is meant for quick romances that you have no intention of pursuing once you go back to the miserable depression of the barracks.

But I️ was very interested I️n how I️ felt I️n that moment. I️ was worried more about the new revelations I️ was having and how I️ was going to deal with them I️n the coming week.

Firstly I️t was the level of familiarity I️ felt for a guy that didn’t know at all. He constantly needed to have physical contact. Now I don’t recommend being comfortable having a guys hand on your thigh like a five-year couple right after meeting him but we were both in weird places and it’s what we needed for a day. For me I️t was different because I’m not physically affectionate with people I’ve loved for years. But after hours of having someone almost constantly holding me or some part of me I️ understood how important physical affection is because I️t facilitates bonding. I️ started thinking about my siblings and my best friends and all the people close to me that I️ knew I could be closer to if started allowing some minor physical affection. I️ started thinking about my parents and how they always struggled to build strong bonds with people and how maybe the answer all along had been to just hug the people you love.

This guy and I️ had known each other not even a day but I️ felt completely comfortable with him. Like an old friend.

While I️ was silently contemplating life and eating burgers at Cowbell with Ham he started telling me about his life, his family, and the things that he had been upset about lately. I’m not good at responding to people who are opening up about the things that are upsetting them. So I️ was mostly quiet and made sympathizing facial expressions. I️ cared though and I️ felt bad for him. I️ kept thinking that I️n any other circumstance this could have been a guy I️ could have loved one day.

As if the universe was trying to really make a point about the things I️ needed to learn I️n life the conversation moved to his tattoos. I️n particular two tattoos on his collar bones. I️t was two ears of wheat. He told me about one of his favorite children’s books: The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I️n the book the little prince meets a fox who he wants to play with. The fox tells him he had to tame him first so that they can be friends. The little prince is confused about what I️t means to “tame.” The fox explains that I️t means to establish ties with someone. He says that the little prince is just a boy among one hundred thousand others and vice versa but that if the little prince tamed him he would be the only little boy I️n all the world for him. He said that you are forever responsible for what you tame and that it’s the time spent on the things I️n our lives that tame them. When I️t was time for the little prince to leave the fox said that he would weep and the little prince felt bad and told the fox that he meant no harm but the fox had insisted on being tamed. The fox agreed but said that I️t was ok because the Little prince had blond hair the color of wheat and now when he heard the wind blowing through the wheat he would be happy because I️t would remind him of the Little Prince where as before he had no use for wheat.

“So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

Yes, that is so," said the fox.

But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

Yes, that is so," said the fox.

Then it has done you no good at all!"

It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields.”

I️ couldn’t help but think about all the people I️n my life who I️ had not allowed to tame me or who I️ had tamed but not held myself responsible for. I️ had spent so much time taming my career and my ego. I️ had watered and cared for my reputation and my social standing. And I️ also couldn’t help but wonder if I️ was mistakenly allowing myself to be tamed right there at the Cowbell by a boy who I️ very likely would not see again. For this reason I️ decided to give myself fully to this affair. I️ slept over at his friends house with him. We slept on the tiny beat up couch he was crashing on for the week. We took turns being the big spoon.

I️ didn’t sleep much because I️ was trying very hard to understand something about myself. Going forward exactly what work was I️ going to do I️n my personal life to hold myself responsible for those I️ had tamed? Had my botched personal relationship suffered because of my unwillingness to be tamed? And if so what could I️ change about the way I️ “established ties” with the people I️n my life.

The following day we went and had coffee and sat there for almost two hours. He worked on something to do with college after the military and I️ enjoyed a day off reading the news. I️t was quiet but comfortable. I️ was drained and relaxed. He was leaving the next day and I️ had to go back to work. I️ knew the fling was coming to an end and I️ was preparing for the adjustment I’d have to make to my approach as a human being. Life always has you learning.

He dropped me off at my car. I️t was awkward. He came into my work twice more before he left and asked me to sit with him and talk. The conversation lagged. I️ sensed that he was feeling depressed about going back to base and leaving home or that he had lost interest I️n me now that reality had to set back I️n. I️ wasn’t upset. I️ wasn’t ready to process anything though. He told me he hated goodbyes because they made coming home more painful and that he’d be back. I️ faked a chuckle and I️ told him I’d see him later. I️ haven’t talked to him in awhile. I️ try not to stalk him on Facebook because that’s unhealthy. I️ unfollowed him because if I️ ever meet him again I️ want I️t to be I️n real life like we met the first time. But even if I️ never see this guy again I️ think I’ll always remember and appreciate the things I️ learned I️n twenty-four hours. I’ll most likely always compare my future dates to his level of attentiveness and honesty. I️t took me about two weeks to get back into my work routine. I’ve been taking at least one of my days off to just be still. I’ve also contemplated making my sister hug me when I️ see her because I think I️t truly is important to be affectionate with the people you love now.

I️n the little prince he started the store by leaving his rose behind and at the end the author wonders if he ever made it back to his rose or if the Rose was eaten by the sheep when the little prince left I️t at the beginning of the story. The little prince had told the author “People have stars, but they aren't the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they're nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they're problems... But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you'll have stars like nobody else... since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that can laugh!... and it'll be as if I had given you, instead of stars, a lot of tiny bells that know how to laugh.”

I️ think I️ may always wonder about the guy and if he finished school when he got out of the military or if he found the person who was his rose and if he allowed himself to be tamed and tamed I️n return.

I️ think this was one of the most beautiful and real experiences I️n my life and I️ rightfully cried when I️t was all over. Not out of sadness but because of how overwhelmingly beautiful life is and how appreciative I️ am to be reminded of what should be important to me.

“One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed.”

-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

[resplendentgoldenwings]

WestAllen Fanfic All That Remains, Chapter 9 Remnants

rating: teen

characters/pairings: Iris West, Caitlin Snow, WestAllen

warnings: grief, suicidal ideation

summary: With the pregnancy confirmed Iris has to consider her next steps.

beta: asexual-fandom-queen

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Chapter 9 Remnants

Medical insurance was expensive; pregnancy test were cheap. She'd bought three and peed on all of them with the same result: +, yes, =. Once was chance, twice was coincidence, third time was conspiracy. She was pregnant, Iris felt her stomach twist and leapt off the toilet so she could empty it.

Linda had volunteered to stay with her, but Iris had insisted her best friend go to work. Her mom would be by for her daily lunch visit in a couple of hours; she could manage until then. There was Flash related business to consider, and she hadn't talked to Linda or anyone about that yet. Barry was a meta-human, what If the baby was too? Caitlin and Cisco had been Barry's doctors. Well, Caitlin was anyway.

They'd told her to call if she needed anything; then, of course, she'd called Caitlin a frigid, murdering bitch. The other woman had accepted her apology, but it's not like they were friends. Still, this was too important, regardless of how the other woman might respond she needed to be smart. Iris picked up her phone and typed up a quick text.

I.W.: 'You said I could call or text if I needed anything.'

C.S.: "What's going on?'

I.W. 'I'm pregnant.'

For several agonizing minutes, there was no reply.

C.S.: 'Can you come to the lab?'

I.W. 'Y.'

C.S.: 'See you in 20 minutes?'

I.W.: 'On my way.'

"Store-bought tests are pretty accurate, and you're over two months late. If you are pregnant, we can detect the presence of the fetus with an ultrasound, but I want to run a few test here at the lab just to make sure your hormone levels are normal as well as check your iron levels, blood sugar and for a few other things." Caitlin explained all of this as she drew Iris' blood. "I'm going to run down a list of first-trimester pregnancy symptoms. You've got the big two, but let's see what else is going on. Have you had any breast tenderness?"

Iris nodded.

"Headaches?"

"Yes."

"Weight loss?"

"I hadn't been eating, so I thought-" She shook her head as Caitlin finished drawing her blood.

Caitlin continued down the list, Iris' sense of dread growing with each affirmative. The period tracker, the store bought pregnancy test the could both be wrong. Caitlin Snow, a medical doctor, a geneticist, brilliant enough to work at STARLabs with Harrison Wells was confirming the pregnancy with each question.

"You know it's perfectly normal to miss these symptoms most women do or chalk them up to stress, tiredness other things," Caitlin said mistaking her growing anxiety for embarrassment perhaps.

Iris nodded. She'd never really known what to think about Caitlin, but there was no judgment in her expression. Iris appreciated that she couldn't deal with judgment under the circumstances.

Caitlin moved to the machines in the lab, slotting the blood samples for analysis and Iris looked around at the equipment.

"Caitlin, what's going to happen to this place?"

"With Barry gone it reverted to Henry. He's probably going to sell everything STARLabs never fully recovered from the accident."

"Right, but that means you're out of a job."

"Yeah, but with Barry gone-" She sighed not bothering to finish the sentence.

"Can I ask you something, something about Ronnie?"

Sadness crept into the other woman's eyes, but after a moment she nodded.

Iris took a deep breath.

"After Ronnie- if you had found out you were pregnant, would you- I don't feel as if- would you have kept it?"

The other woman's eyes widened ever so slightly, and her mouth formed an oh' of surprise before her face settled into a thoughtful frown.

"It hurt so much losing Ronnie the way that I did. I was so miserable and drained and depressed and lost. In one moment everything that we had planned was gone. I didn't have anything for anyone. I mean Iris you were here every day, almost. I saw you sometimes crying over Barry and I couldn't- I thought I should try and reach out to you, but I couldn't because losing him, losing Ronnie took everything from me back then." Caitlin shook her head. "I like to think I was a good person, but I couldn't find five minutes to offer comfort to someone who was going through something so similar to me. I can't imagine trying to care for a child, an infant, someone so needy while feeling that."

Iris nodded not wanting to interrupt the other woman's thoughts.

"But," Caitlin took a deep breath. "It lessens or perhaps you get stronger after carrying the weight of I don't know. But I think- you and Barry wanted a family, right?"

"Yeah, once I was more established in my career."

"Right. I think that once it doesn't hurt so much, once you get used to him being gone- and I know it doesn't seem like it, but you will. I think this child could make you so happy. I think you will be so glad and grateful to see Barry again in this child that you couldn't imagine it any other way." Caitlin's words were a bare husky whisper as she finished and the other woman looked away dabbing at her eyes.

Her own grief stirred at the strength of emotion emanating from the other woman and Iris reached out to her giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you, Caitlin."

The other woman smiled, faint and watery and both women looked up at the squeak of Cisco's gym shoes on the floor. He strode into the lab, dark hair bouncing, twizzler in hand.

"What's the emergency?"

Caitlin turned back to the blood sample she'd taken.

"Iris is pregnant."

Grainy black and white, two little sacs with two barely human blobs floating in them. Despite how strange the fetuses looked, almost alien, they had everything they needed to turn into two unique people all –was it 47 chromosomes, 46- everything they needed if she simply let them. Half of Barry, half of herself growing and thriving all this time without her knowledge. In addition to the picture, Caitlin had written a prescription for several pre-natal vitamins.

Iris sat in her car in the empty STARLabs parking lot. Caitlin and Cisco had both offered to drive her home, but she needed some time to herself, time to think.

Both Cisco and Caitlin were both concerned about the speedster metabolism and what that might mean for the pregnancy. Cisco was already formulating a high-calorie nutrient-dense snack bar for her in case she needed it.

Caitlin was also concerned about her iron and calcium levels. In addition to the supplements, the geneticist wanted her to eat more leafy greens, start getting three square meals a day and exercising. In short, Caitlin wanted her to start taking care of herself.

A strange tingling ache started in the back of her head, and Iris could feel her shoulders rising. Just when she was at her least, her most vulnerable more was being piled on. She had to suffer all of this unhappiness and take care of two other people somehow when she could barely care for herself. She wasn't ready for this.

Iris considered Caitlin's words, the idea that in a few years these children would make her happy. That Barry would come back into her life through their smiles or their eyes or their sense of humor made so much sense, and yet all she felt was as if she were collapsing under the weight of it.

Iris fished her phone out of her purse. She called her dad, got voice mail and called her mother.

"Mom?"

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Can you come over?"

"I have a session with a patient starting in ten minutes sweetheart. Can you give me an hour-and-a-half?"

She wanted to say "no, I need you now.", but her mother was already doing so much for her.

"Oh- ok." Somehow she forced the word around the lump in her throat.

"Iris, are you sure you're alright?"

She took a tremulous, breath determined to hold out for 90 minutes.

"I-I can manage an hour and a half; you go work mom. I'll see you at my apartment."

"Ok honey. I love you."

"I love you, two mom."

Caitlin put the date of conception around May 12th, the night Barry proposed to her, one year to the date she'd told him she was in love with him. She wasn't surprised. May 12th was a special day for them, and Barry had been so different when they'd gotten back to his apartment, so unrestrained. Iris had always enjoyed their lovemaking, but several months into their relationship she'd started to realize Barry was holding himself back.

He hadn't that night. He'd seemed so much more himself, and something had happened at the end something that had to be related to his powers. She'd been too drowsy with satisfaction to ask him about it, too happy to care.

It was the closest they'd ever been.

She'd forgotten to mention it the next morning. Told herself she would talk to him about it later.

Somehow later never came.

Iris crumpled the ultra-sound and tossed it onto the passenger as the flood of tears came again.

It wasn't fair, if Barry had lived they would have been so happy.

A/N- Hey, everyone thanks for reading. This is a shorter chapter. I was thinking about doing more flashbacks, but I don't feel like the story needs them right now. We're starting to shift from looking back into the past and toward the future. A quick note about Iris and Caitlin here. 

I don't care for the way the show writes Caitlin or the relationship between Iris and Caitlin. I thought about just handwaving a somewhat friendlier relationship into existence, but decided to actually touch on some of the reasons why Iris and Caitlin never developed a friendship in the show even though that doesn’t make sense.

Please feel free to take a moment and comment, thanks again for reading.