#Oh just kidding here it was in my queue! Came to look for the Jasper post I accidentally deleted but found this instead

[jessicanjpa]

Hello! This is your Twilight secret santa! I was wondering what are some of your favorite Cullen relationships (romantic or familial)? Do you have any favorite headcanons about these relationships?

Hi Santa!

OK, here are some favorites that come to mind:

Carlisle and Edward. My absolute favorite. The way that Edward grows-and-yet-doesn't just makes for a delightfully angsty father/son dynamic in which they mean the world to each other and also drive each other up the wall. I'm especially thinking about how petulant Edward can be and how infuriating Carlisle's patience can be. The way they idealize each other!! The angst! Their silent arguments! The Great Soul Debate! The way they can drag each other out of a funk like no one else can! 💜

Alice and Jasper. Hands down my favorite couple to write for two reasons: their gifts are endlessly fun to play with and the ~magical element of destiny running through their story is just plain special. Neither of these two was even remotely complete without the other.

Rosalie and Edward. I just. I never get tired of their bickering. I have two teenagers and I'm just channeling Esme more than ever now because these two fight over the dumbest things and they can't even see how similar they are. And of course we all love when their bickering occasionally resolves with a sweet, awkward moment of bonding or grudging apology.

Emmett and Jasper. These two are just so, so good for each other. Their friendship is a much-needed haven of relaxation and fun and blown-off steam and easy understanding. Whether they're making stupid bets, smashing Esme's antiques with their reckless play-fighting, inventing cool vampire level games, or just listening, they're just so stinking cute.

Esme and Edward. So precious, so exasperating. She spoils him and he underestimates her. She's always fixing his hair and he's flicking it back out of place. She wants the whole world to see him play piano. He's always squirming under her well-meaning fretting. What's not to love.

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

Aha I’m back for the oc ask game! This time around, mayhaps any of these?: Kaleb x Taryne, Sarra x Yorick, Aldreda + Brandon, and Kaleb + Cassana?

Can I hear a round of applause for world class slut & professional other man for Lord Kaleb Dormaire?

We have already established with the Aldreda ship that this man is willing to bottom, but I really think Taryne would push that limit. Does he love a strong woman? Yes. Will he take the strap like a champ? I fully believe in his ability to do so. Can he exclusively be a sub? Honestly, I don't know if he's got it in him & Taryne will not give up control in the thing she's doing Just For Herself. That said, I don't think they wouldn't not work. I feel in my bones that Kaleb & Taryne would be more a "friends with benefits" type thing than whatever exactly she has going on with Gwayne.

It'd probably start out in a similar way of "I have a pre-established relationship with Alicent, & when I came back to King's Landing to see her here is some rando she's made part of her household since Lyonel Strong's promotion/Jasper Wylde got a job. Things have now spiraled a little out of control a little bit." Kaleb would definitely have more tact than Gwayne upon first contact, but he'd wind up in a similar situation of picking up the queues of how awful & traumatizing Taryne's marriage is, & once some level of comfort was there between them he'd offer some form of companionship at the very least just to give her some moments away from her husband, & from there it just kind of builds until they act on whatever attraction is there. They'd both definitely be having a nice time, & letting Taryne be in charge on occasion is probably nice, but bestie I am looking at this man's amount of kids & his pullout game is not good enough for Taryne to have him be her regular Other Man unless he's willing to never put it in. Kaleb, I see your breeding kink. You can't hide it from me. My son, Yorick, is the same fucking way, I perceive you whether you like it or not. Taryne's definitely fond of him though! He's an actual good, genuine man who won't hurt her, & that really goes most of the way for her. Not a long way, like 90% of it. The bar is on the ground.

They've definitely got "judging & side-eyeing people at the function, & maybe they hookup after it" vibes.

Yorick & Sarra sounded familiar, so I did hunt through the tag & I have ruminated on this before actually! So linking

Oh, you mean her step-son by way of fucking both his parents?

Gonna be real, she looks at him & just sees her youngest brothers, because some of them died young enough that temporarily being heir to Lonely Light or the expectations of their dad or Ironborn (specifically at Lonely Light) never had a chance to super get to them. So Brandon is kind of a What If scenario for her. "Would any of my brothers have been like him? Would they have been friends?" That type of thing

I think he'd be interested in Aldreda as a person regardless of what canon we're going with (Alicent alive at Lonely Light with Aldreda or her canon fate) just because she's important to his parents & "she's a cool warrior woman who let me have a knife!" And that would obviously evolve as he gets older to probably seeing her as some sort of extra parent or aunt or something--how that plays out I think would just really depend on what happens with Alicent (& by extension probably where he winds up going)

Honestly though, Aldreda would probably waffle a lot on if she wanted to be around him when he's younger. She'd never be outright cruel to him or send him away, it'd be more a "do I have the mental capacity to be around a child?" Part of it is her having never thought about her own ability to have kids & the subsequent having of them/motherhood & being at least a little confronted with it by now kind of being his step-mom, & part of it is the weird "my younger brothers were all this age once" that turns into "he's older than [brother x] ever got to be." It's, like, "am I mentally okay to be around the happy, optimistic child? If yes go be near the child. If no, decide if you want to do emotional self harm or not & proceed from there." (I never said Aldreda was the healthiest person out there). She'd definitely be encouraging of him & would probably give him pointers for training, but she'd also be rolling her eyes at the knight thing, I cannot lie. But you can't totally blame her, there's no knighthood culture on the islands! She wouldn't discourage him though, she'd just privately think that there's better things to dream of. Also, she's definitely taking him out on her longship at some point because "every boy needs to go out on the ocean. It puts hair on their chest." Did she tell Alicent or Kaleb beforehand? Maybe.

I think they'd be at least casual friends, with varying closeness depending on if it's SOTF or TRP. Because, like, they were both growing up in The Red Keep, but she was also never really a part of Rhaenyra's friend group until they were both a little older.

In SOTF, it'd definitely be a case of "this is my husband's cousin's boy (aside from Laenor, of course) that I also know & have a positive opinion of. Of course I am going to be kind & welcoming to him!" Because Cassana Strong is, first & foremost, a big sweetie pie. She's a little insecure, but she's a sweetie pie & she will never make someone feel unwelcome unless they've given her a reason to. She'd maybe be a little judgey about him having so many bastards (because she's even judgey about her brother in that regard), but she wouldn't say anything to him about it. Because that's rude & also it's kind of just expected in Westeros. Not stopping her from being gossipy as hell though.

In the TRP crossover AU though, they're definitely closer since he's married to Her Girl. Like "that's Daenys's man, your honor. I have to giggle about him with her, that's girl code." Also, like Rhaenyra, she's definitely encouraging them & probably helping to set them up, because she's watching Daenys moon over him too! Her insecurity would make a bigger impact, temporarily at least, on their relationship here though. I'm not going to go into too much detail, because that's spoilers for her arc in that fic, but there would be a rough patch where she kind of ices him out & is kinda harsh towards him for a couple months. Yes, it would be a bitterness thing & she is butting heads with at least Daenys & maybe even him depending on how much he's willing to try to pus that due to her very sudden 180 on how warm & friendly she normally is. It's not beyond repair, & she gets over it, & I also think she'd be willing to tell Kaleb what was going on more than she probably is Tyland in noncrossover TRP since, like, she's known him since he was a kid.

Overall, I think Kaleb & Cass would have a very nice friendship. Maybe not a best friendship, but a comfortable one.

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here! / Part 17 Here! / < This is Part 18!>

Donate to Move to Higher Ground HERE!

* Your eyes open, and your hand flies to your throat 

* You’re thirsty

* You sigh as you sit up in your bed a little annoyed, you were having such a good dream too

* Only when you look to your night stand to grab your blood bottle, past it you see Edward sitting in your desk chair 

* “What are you doing?” Your voice is gravely, and you don’t wait for a response before uncapping your bottle and taking a sip

* Edward fidgets, his hands tugging with the sleeves of his shirt 

* “I like watching you sleep” he admits with a shrug and a boyish quirk of the lips. 

* Of course the dork likes watching you pretend to sleep

* Somethings haven’t changed from the books at least

* Maybe he’s part owl or something

* “Ugh, it’s already Sunday where does the weekend go?” You mumble, it’s around 3 am right now

* To be fair you know  half your Saturday went in self loathing in a tree, and the other half spent with your entire coven congratulating you and Edward on your new relationship

* “I call (Y/N) as my sibling the next time we move!” Emmett grins

* “That’s not fair, I was going to make them my sibling.” Jasper pouts

* “You already have Rosalie don’t get greedy”

* And then they all basically tried to plan out your wedding. 

* So the pressure is on

* At least you still have all Sunday before you have to face everyone at school though. You haven’t even tried to look at your phone 

* “Edward,” he perks up at the sound of your voice “were they really thinking vile thoughts about me?”

* His eyebrows thread together, head tilting to the side

* “Mike and Conner, you said they were thinking vile thoughts when you...came to get me.”

* It’s been bothering you for some time, Conner you can understand, but Mike? 

* You feel....betrayed 

* Edward averts his eyes, you’re half hoping he was lying to you and that he was just upset you were kissing other people

* “Were they thinking of r*ping me?” The second the words fall out of your lips he scampers closer, the chair screeching behind him.

* “No! No of course not-at least I don’t think so-“ His hand cups your face, the other cards through your hair. He sits on the edge of your bed carefully

* “They were thinking of taking you...” 

* oh well that’s no so bad.

* “At the same time”

* So that’s a little worse

* “So they were thinking about a threesome?” Edward winces at the word but nods

* You let out a sigh of relief, a threesome is still kinda sketchy but that’s just normal teenage boy brain for you 

* “At the time I didn’t appreciate their...vivid thoughts but” he looks into your eyes, like two pools of gold. “Maybe you wanted that.” 

*  He had acted instinctively upon seeing their thoughts, but in reality he wasn’t much better

* He had imagined that same needy expression on your face dozens of times 

* Maybe... you might have enjoyed an experience like that. After all two lovers are better than one

* He’s stuck in his own self loathing until he hears you laugh. 

* You’re actually laughing at him!

* He’s worried that you missed out on a vital human experience and you’re laughing!

* The nerve

* And yet, he feels his heart flutters when he see’s you smile at him

* “No, I’m good.” You laugh, and he feels himself let out a sigh of relief.

* “What about Jessica? Does she hate me now” Edward shakes his head

* “I think she might have a bit of a crush on you now.” He grins at your confused expression

* Well that’s unexpected

* You know you can’t really sleep but you feel exhausted, completely emotionally drained

* You snuggle back into the covers  And pat the space on the bed beside you

* “Sleep with me?” 

* Your face feels uncomfortably hot when you realize what you just said. “I just meant like-dream with me-not um no-“

* “I know what you meant” Edward says with a small smile

* He lies down on the other end of the bed, at least five feet away from you

* “You can come closer, you’re my boyfriend now, boyfriend privileges”

* Boyfriend 

* He’s always thought the word was garish. 

* A boy who was your special friend, how idiotic. But hearing the word tumble from your lips makes him unbelievably  happy 

* “What are boyfriend privileges?” He repeats carefully. Shifting so he is lying beside you

* “Normal couple stuff I guess, kissing, hugging, public affection-“ 

* and sex stuff

* “So I get to be as greedy with you as I want?” 

* You feel your face grow warm at the thought of Edward being as greedy with your body as he wants

* The way his hands would feel as they ghost over your body, his sweet rosemary and argon scent filling the air

* You can’t manage to get out words so you just nod, and he grins

* “Let’s go out tomorrow” 

* To like a hotel or?

* “We can go to the aquarium in Seattle, I think it’s supposed to rain so something indoors would be good.”

* Oh like greedy with your time

* That seems more on brand for Edward tbh 

* “The aquarium sounds nice”

* You curl into his chest, breathing in his scent deeply. He feels warm, not as warm as a human, but soothing in its own right. A gentle warmth, like the warmth from a candle

* You feel so safe here with him. You feel yourself drift off into sleep, and Edward’s arms tentatively wrap around you

* Your weight is pressed against him, and he can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have you pressed against him even more

* Your hands clawing at his chest as you plead

* “Great now I’m the one having vile thoughts” he murmurs to himself 

* You both sneak out early in the morning, while all your other coven members are still preoccupied 

* “Grab a couple blood bags and I’ll get some tumblrs” you nod, shoving it all quickly in his nike backpack, and you both practically jog to your jeep.

* The drive feels a lot shorter than you remember, it’s only 10 when you get there. 

* You sigh as you get out, you’re wearing faded blue jeans and a black coat that cinches at the waist

* Edward is dressed in a similar fashion, faded blue jeans, white shirt and a leather jacket

* Both of you wearing sunglasses 

* You don’t miss the looks you get as you walk across the parking lot. You already get a lot of attention as is  with the hot pink Barbie jeep

* But you and Edward together look like something straight out of a magazine catalog 

* “Did you already buy tickets?” You ask, your arm linking through his. 

* “Yeah, we just have to pick them up at the box” 

* It’s actually pretty busy, it is a weekend day though so it’s to be expected 

* “(Y/N)?” You turn to the voice and feel like the wind got knocked out of you

* “Jessica, Bella...” and there’s someone else with them, brown skin and long dark hair.

* Well he’s kinda hot, for a human that is

* “What are you doing here?” 

* They’re like the weirdest group for a Sunday hang out

* “My Dad had some tickets, he was going to come with my mom but I guess they got in a fight or something.” 

* You get the feeling that there’s more to it than that, but you’re just happy she’s talking to you after you kissed her without consent 

* “Oh um , this is Jacob we’ve been friends since we were kids.” 

* So this is Jacob, he looks older for his age.

* “Hey Jacob nice to meet you, I’m (Y/N)” you extend your hand and you see him stiffen for a second

* Yeah that sounds about right. All humans get afraid when they first me et you, you are technically their natural predator after all. He seems to get over it and grasps your hand

* “Hey, nice to meet you” 

* “Do you go to school with us?” 

*You know he doesn’t, but you’ve found it best to pretend in this situation. 

* You glance at Edward who hiding a twitching smile, looks like he heard something interesting

* “No I go to school on the res, I’m a sophomore.” 

* Oh a sophomore, younger man is more her speed huh? And they’ve been friends for years, he’s to her what Edward is to you

* You ship it

* “Do you guys want to join us?” 

* You can feel Edward’s eyes piercing you in the back. Yeah you know this is a date, and he probably wants some quality time with you or whatever-

* But it’s not like you’re f*cking after or anything

* And honestly you kinda wanna see how this whole Bella-Jacob ship plays out 

* “Well I don’t-“ Bella starts

* “We’d love to!” Jessica interrupts, and then taking a nervous glance at Edward she adds:

* “That is if you don’t mind?”

* Queue everyone looking at Edward. He looks at you, a small pout bowing onto your lips and let’s out a deep sigh

* “No of course not, I’ll get the tickets and meet you at the gate.” He says with a resigned smile

* He leans down, catching your lips in his. You know you don’t have a beating heart, but you feel it stutter when he pulls away and smiles at you

* “See you in a bit daring” and then he walks towards the empty “reserved pass” line

* Darling?

* DARLING???

* (Y/N).Exe is broken

* And you would stay broken if Jessica and Bella didn’t each grab a shoulder and shake you.

* “Oh my god what was that?!?!” Jessica shrieks

* “Are you guys like...dating now?” Bella grins

* “Yeah, I guess we are?” The human part of you understands that you’ve just agreed you feel the same, and that you have just started a relationship

* But the vampire part of you, the primal part, knows it’s so much more than that

* He’s your mate

* And saving any major changes, he is yours for as long the universe will permit 

* “Wait are you guys on a date right now?” Jessica asks, and it pulls you right out of your thoughts

* She’s worried she’s intruding

* “No-I mean maybe? Honestly we both just wanted an excuse to get out of the house.” You sigh

* “Are the rest of the Cullen’s not taking it well?” 

* You do live together, and you’re at that age. Sure Emmett and Rosalie and together, but that seems to be under more transparent circumstances 

* So imagine her surprise when you card your fingers through your hair

* “No they’re taking it too well!” 

* Last night you basically rotated between coven members as they all told you how happy they were you were with Edward now

* “Honestly I thought the nerd would never find the nerve” Emmett confided in you

* “Eleazer you’ll never guess what happened....we’re going to be brothers!” You had heard Carlisle tell Eleazer over the phone before breaking down into tears

* “Carlisle stop crying, the venom is going to make a hole in the floor.” Esme shouted before turning her attention back to you

* “So what colors do you like (Y/N)? I’m partial to gold and white myself-“ she said pointing the color combination examples in her wedding book 

* They were driving you crazy.

* “Carlisle keeps rotating between smiling and crying because ‘two kids are leaving the house’ and Tanya called to give me the most smug speech about it- I just need a break.”

* You sigh

* “Wait-did all of this happen after the party?” Bella asks with a smile creeping onto her face

* Before you can answer though, you see Edward walking towards you

* “We’ll talk about this later” Jessica whispers, not that it matters, going on the smirk on Edward’s lips he already heard everything

* “So Tanya called you huh?” He whispers in your ear when the others move ahead

* His breath fanning against your ear causes your stomach to flip. You’ve been around him so long, you almost started to forget how hot he was.

* “Yeah, she’s basically hoping I crush your heart so she can get revenge.”

* You’re mostly joking, but given past history, you know she wouldn’t mind if that’s how things turned out anyway

* “That’s fair.” He looks almost sad. What the hell happened between them to make him like this?

* You want to ask, but you feel like now isn’t the best time. Not when Jessica and Bella are a mere five feet away arguing about whether to see the jellyfish or penguins first

* So you do the only thing you can: You reach out and hold his hand, squeezing it slightly. Edward doesn’t say anything, he just squeezes back

* It’s a pretty nice day, Bella’s dad bought her a digital camera so you take a bunch of cheesy pictures around the aquarium

* “Oh try to get one like a shark is eating us! Like I’m in Jaws!”

* “You know they’re an endangered species and that stupid movie doesn’t help right?” 

* “There is no ethical consumption under capitalism Bella”

* Edward just makes a pained expression as he holds up the camera. All he wanted to do was go on a date with his significant other

* “Girls am I right?” Jacob asks, extending his bag of popcorn

* For a second you think Edward might hate him, but instead a smile arch’s onto his face

* “You have no idea.” He smiles, taking a few kernels.

* Aw, it’s Edward’s first human friend 💖

* You kinda wish you were the one with a camera now, or at least a smart phone

* Instead you settle for a grainy picture on your flip phone. They both look at you like confused puppy's when the shutter clicks 

* “Aw that’s a cute one” Jessica coo’s

* “You even got a shark in the back” Bella says pointing to a blurry gray blob in the background

* It’s a good day 

* You’re almost sad when you have to part at the end 

* “You sure you guys don’t want to come with us? Jessica’s dad is letting us have his reservation at the revolving restaurant in the space needle”

* You and Edward exchange a look

* “Nah it’s fine, I’m pretty sure Esme is wondering when we’re coming home” 

* “She’ll be pissed if we eat there without here.” You add for good measure 

* “Well alright we’ll see you at school tomorrow” Jessica says with a wave, and you smile

* “See you tomorrow”

* Looks like things are back to normal

* Edward drives on the way back

* You hold the plush sea turtle close to your chest as you watch him

* He really is handsome, chiseled cheekbones and full rosy lips. To add he has that mane of auburn hair, and that irresistible splatter of freckles across his nose 

* The prettiest boy you’ve ever seen

* “I can feel you staring” he says with a smile twitching onto his lips. Oh god you want to kiss that stupid smile right off his mouth

* “What went wrong with you and Tanya?”

* Way to kill the vibe

* “I’m sure Tanya told you all about it.” He shrugs. There’s that sad look again

* “I want to hear about it from you though” 

* And Edward might have denied you if your hand hadn’t found his, resting on top of it 

* He grins

* You don’t play fair, do you?

* He sighs, squeezing your hand while keeping his eyes on the road

* “I just...didn’t like the way she thought about me”

* “Like you were a piece of meat?” 

* He laughs

* “Like I was some charity case besides-“ he stops abruptly, looking at you before swallowing hard. “Never mind”

* “No tell me!” You lean forward cradling your hand intertwined with his against your chest and he chuckles, you really don’t play fair

* “ I didn’t-I don’t feel attraction to people unless-“

* He looks into your eyes, and you feel his fingers squirm against yours 

* “Unless we’re friends first” 

* Oh, he’s asexual. 

*Or  demisexual. 

* Somewhere on the spectrum for sure

* Is he coming out to you right now? 

* You give his hand a squeeze 

* “I get that.”

* You want to smack yourself. 

* The boy you love just came out to you about his sexuality and all you can say is ‘I get that’ 

* You feel so useless

* But Edward doesn’t let you feel useless for too long, he squeezes back looking at you with such warm eyes

* And again you can’t help but think that even though his heart doesn’t beat anymore, he looks so human

* He’s just pulled into the driveway at the house, the car parked. He’s about to say something when you cut him off, tugging him closer to you and placing your lips on his

* If he’s surprised he doesn’t show it, placing his free hand on your shoulder and leaning a bit closer to you 

* He’s so careful and gentle...and dazzling 

* He’s barely touching you but you can feel yourself seeing stars

* That thing he does with his tongue-it’s indescribable 

* Are you sure he’s a virgin?!?

* You can’t help the sigh that passes your lips when he pulls away. You’re still in a daze when he pulls you into his lap, one leg straddled on each side 

* His head is tilted back, an easy smile on his mouth. 

* You suddenly feel shy, that look in his eyes should be illegal 

* “So-“ you lean back a bit “do you-um-do you have feelings like that for me?”

* He tilts his head to the side in confusion and you gulp

* “Y’know sexually speaking” 

* He actually laughs at you

* Right there, when you’re only a handful of inches away from his face

* But you’re not annoyed, instead all you can feel is a rush of affection

* His eyes crinkle at the ends, his pearly white fangs sparkling as he grins. Your hands cup his face as he looks up at you with adoration 

* You can imagine the rosy blush that would light his face so clearly, the deep emerald green of his eyes. You’re almost starving for the image you see in your mind to be real

* He pulls you out of the image with a simple touch. His arms wrapping around your waist to pull you closer

* “I - like the rest of the entire student population at Forks High School- find you absolutely bewitching” 

* The way he says it makes you shiver, and Edward’s hand trails up your back. 

*He sits a little straighter, bouncing you slightly in his lap as he does, so you’re looking straight into his eyes

* “I find it hard to believe you don’t know that I have been dying inside everyday watching you walk around in those short shorts you love so much,” he whispers in your ear. 

*“That I haven’t been dying to absolutely ravish you .”

* You gulp.

* It’s all you can do when he’s looking at you like that

* If you thought Garrett’s bedroom eyes were intense, then Edward is on an entire different level

* You feel your heart stutter, butterflies erupting in your stomach...and something else

* A certain heat you haven’t felt in a long time

* You’ve never seen him look at anything like that, like he’s hungry- 

* Starving even 

* His lips brush against your neck, trailing down to your collar bone and you sigh

* He really knows everything about you doesn’t he? All your sweet spots, all your stories, every one of your secrets.

* Your hand trails up his chest, entangling in his hair and a low gasp tumbles from his lips

* And then your phone rings

* You hear him groan, and you shake your head

* “Ignore it” you mumble, your mouth meeting his once more 

* And you continue on for a few moments, until his phone rings

*He pulls away from you with a groan

* “Rosalie’s calling me a long list of profanities right now” he mumbles, you sigh pulling away to lean against the steering wheel 

* It’s probably for the best, no point in getting too turned on when you knew he was going to say ‘you should wait until marriage’

* Like honestly, he died, and you died, and now you live an alternative lifestyle where literally nothing matters anymore 

* But you’ll respect his wishes 

* “Guess we should go inside” You sigh, you move to get off of him

* But just as your about to crawl off, he tugs you to face him once more

* His thumb brushes over your cheek, and those deep gold eyes bore at you with that same intensity as before 

* He pulls you in for one last kiss, before getting out of the car and closing the door behind him

* “We’ll pick up where we left off later.” 

* (Y/N).exe is broken

* You walk to the house slowly, like humans do 

* “Are you ready?” He asks, holding out his hand

* You smile, placing your hand in his and nodding

* “Ready”

* So imagine your surprise when you and Edward get inside, hand in hand, to find the entire coven is laughing in the living room. 

* From where you’re standing you can only see Carlisle 

* “Ah your home! Come, I want you both to meet someone-“ 

* You move forward but Edward stays rooted to the spot

* Three people come into view, a woman with flaming red hair, a man -no older than 25- with rich mahogany skin, and a dazzling young man with hair the color of the sun.

* “Meet our new friends, Victoria, James and Laurent” 

* You turn to look at Edward, his mouth pinched into a frown

* Well F*ck 

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[nyancheetosmusical]

The Whole Plot of Jasper in Deadland (from the script)- Act 1

As much as I’d love to just share the script instead, it’s not in mine to share. SO here is the whole plot of Jasper in Deadland (I’ll mostly focus on what happens in between music numbers because that’s the part most people don’t know)

-The musical opens to have various people in Jasper’s life yell at him or complain at him, like his coach berating him for not going to swim practice or his father begging him for another pill.

- (Goodbye Jasper starts). We are in Jasper’s bedroom, Jasper at the edge of his bed and Agnes under the covers. Face in his hands, he sings how he doesn’t deserve her. When he doesn’t respond when she says, “I love you, Jasper. Do you love me?”, she gets up and runs off

-Jasper dives in and : “(Music swells to: drop cloth falls. JASPER dives as —a swinging punk guitar groove, a little sadistic, blares—and suddenly JASPER is falling... endlessly... into another world, and the proscenium rises up.)”

-As he falls endlessly, multiple girls holding red hoodies (like Agnes’ hoodie) approach Jasp and inform him he’ll see memories of his life. A different girl plays Agnes in each memory (end of Goodbye Jasper)

-Jasper wakes in a boat crossing the River Lethe, steered by the  skeletal Ferryman. Also Virgil, a middle aged man in a suit, is in the boat, and gets Jasp to wake up

- “VIRGIL    Ha. Kid, you think that “old softy” is scary...just wait till you see the three-headed dog. Now,let’s get you checked in,    CASE NUMBER (sings) SIGMA J THETA Q 2714.”

-Jasper thinks this whole thing is a prank Agnes cooked up, and that she’s off somewhere laughing

-the river occasionally repeats words or phrases Jasper says and it kind of ticks him off

-They arrive at the Gates of Deadland and Virgil points out Cerberus to a very confused Jasper (What Is Life begins)

-A queue of corpses are filling out paperwork on clipboards as the heads of Cerberus reflect on life. Very much DMV-esque, they are getting their pictures taken for their IDS (Virgil is the one who yells “KEEP IT MOVING!”)

-Some corpses pass Cerberus into Deadland, first having to tell Cerberus how they died

-Jasp of course tries to talk his way out of it when he sees someone with a red hoodie (Agnes’ hoodie). He asks where she got it and the corpse says from some girl inside Deadland

-now with motivation, he begs Cerberus to let him into Deadland (What Is Life ends)

- (The Killing begins) Jasp recounts why life sucks for him, until he begins to talk about Agnes and mentions that some good is there (The Killing ends)

-(Mark This begins) Cerberus lets Jasper past into Deadland with the warning that as time goes on he will forget more and more about himself (Mark This ends)

-Jasp enters Deadland, but not before Virgil wishes him luck with his girlfriend, to which Jasper responds “She’s not my girlfriend!”

- “(LIGHTS shift at we enter Deadland. The City Circle Streets: the mainstreet of a most spectacular city. At ends classic and nouveau, its steel spires and silver skyscrapers stand proudly on pale marble streets; a perfect high-noon sun beams down. JASPER looks in awe at the city.)”

- (Deadland Welcome/ Tour Song/ Jasper in Deadland [Medley] begins) Mr. Lethe’s ad for water comes on the sky as if the sky were a giant Jumbotron

-As Jasper is in awe of the city, on comes tour guide Gretchen along with a group of tourists

-Jasp asks her for help- he touches her shoulder and we see for the first time Jasper can bring back ppls memories

-”SOME DOUCHE (Frederick)(Sung like a stupid recitative.)HEY! I GOT YOUR TEXT THIS MORNING, YOU SENT IT AT LIKE 4AM—

GRETCHEN Ahhh! Who is that douche? Why is he here?

SOME DOUCHE YOU WERE WASTED WEREN’T YOU? YOU WERE! I KNEW IT!

JASPER Wait, who’s here? 

GRETCHEN Nobody... it must just be a memory..

.SOME DOUCHE DO YOU WANNA SEE A PIC OF MY JUNK?(GRETCHEN is zapped back to reality.)”

-Suddenly some tourists recognize Jasper and start taking pictures. The paperboy comes on and we realize that Jasper has begun to stir up a frenzy of action

-Jasper is looking for someone to help him and there are just people touching him left and right. He’s begun to struggle to remember what Agnes looks like

-Jasper, lost in a sea of “reporters and Jasper groupies,” sees a girl who might be Agnes. She drops a red knit hat and he goes after it. Hat in hand, he runs off to escape the crowd  (Deadland Welcome/ Tour Song/ Jasper in Deadland [Medley] ends)

-In Mr.Lethe’s office, he complains to his assistant Hathaway about Jasper ruining the balance of Deadland. Also how much Mr. Lethe wants more power

- ”MR. LETHE I helped betray the Titans and look what happens? Jupiter gets the earth, Neptune gets the sea,Pluto gets the Underworld and oh...What does Cousin Lethe get for his troubles? A little teensy-weensy f*cking river!”

-(Jasper in Deadland [Lethe Style] begins) Lethe tells his secretary that he needs to get Jasper out of Deadland

-He gets Norse Godess and God Hel and Loki on capturing Jasper and bringing them to Mr. Lethe’s office ( Jasper in Deadland [Lethe Style] ends)

-On the other side of town, Jasper dejectedly sits at a bar. Gretchen is there too

-He complains of horrible headaches and she gives him some water from the Lethe, which he downs

- “GRETCHEN Wow...I’ve never met anyone “alive” before. You’re so dangerous. It’s really doing it for me. I’m like, into it, but I’m like, afraid of it...I like, wanna get near you, but I think I wanna stay over here.”

-He again denies that Agnes is his girlfriend (”No...I’m not gay...I’m very straight and we’re “best friends”...”)

-Gretchen offers to listen to Jasper so he can vent

- “JASPER Look. Agnes and I aren’t like that. Because, Agnes has everything. Perfect family. Famous doctor for a father...Beautiful Step-Mom...Agnes is too good for anyone...Me? I have a cheating mother and a drug addict for a father.......How could she possibly love me -- Look, the best part of my day? I get up every morning and I go for a dive. There's this cliff...it's called....it's called. I can't seem to remember....And I always invite Agnes to come, and she hates to...She jumped in and...Why am I having a hard time...”

-(The Forgetting begins) “JASPER It’s weird, it’s like there are these pictures of my life on a wall...Except, someone keeps taking them down....Dusty squares and rectangles where my life used to be...”

-Gretchen explains the steps of how people forget their lives in Deadland (The Forgetting ends)

-Jasper laments his task in having to find Agnes in this massive city before he forgets everything. Gretchen notices the red hat he’s holding and recognizes it, saying she’s seen it before, but can’t remember where. He begs her to take him to all the spots where it could have been

-(Living Dead begins) Gretchen takes Jasper to multiple parts of the city, starting with...

-A Hookah lounge. Jasp talks to the bartender, to no avail. He does recommend the arcade as the next place to look

-At the arcade, there is some good ol’ dance dance revolution going on. Agnes is not there, but a shady character (no her name is literally ‘Shady’) mentions that Boss Rhadamanthus might know something and takes the two of them into the back room

-Jasp would have to arm wrestle Rhadmanthus, but can’t because of the whole memory thing. Agnes arm wrestles instead and wins, making Rhadmanthus tell them that he might’ve seen someone at Club Helheim, decked out for the Osiris concert

-At the concert, Jasper searches furiously among the clubbers, asking questions and looking for Agnes while Gretchen dances and enjoys herself

-Jasp finds Agnes’ bracelet and turns down Gretchen’s offer to dance. Finally they leave the club (Living Dead ends)

-Outside, Virgil finds Jasp and delivers the news that Agnes’ soul has been marked to move onto Elysium, meaning she is truly dead. Virgil also tells Jasper that Lethe is offering him a free pass back to life, but only this once.

-Jasp doesn’t know what to do. Virgil mentions Dante, a “half-life” like Jasper who had traveled through Deadland. He mentions that Jasper might try and find Beatrix Portinari, who might be able to help. Virgil leaves.

-Gretchen comforts a confused Jasper when all of a sudden, Hel and Loki enter with the booming of drums. They announce that they must “seize the boy”

- Gretchen distracts them by asking what their last name is, and while Loki is reciting it Jasp and Gretch sneak off

-She leads Jasp to the sewers. Jasp says he has to find Agnes before he forgets. The river running through (the Lethe) echoes some of his memories.

-Gretchen mentions the one way to leave Deadland is through a back entrance guarded by Ammut, which one can only enter when they’re ready to go to Elysium

- “JASPER Look, we get past this demon thingie and then what...Elysium?

GRETCHEN Sure...but what are you going to do when you find Agnes? She can’t go back.

JASPER I know it’s been done. That guy, Orpheus, he was alive, just like me, and he came down here to take back....take back...

GRETCHEN You mean, Eurydice?

JASPER Yeah. Her...

GRETCHEN There’s only one problem with the whole Orpheus scenario...Orpheus loved Eurydice...(then)So...if you don’t love Agnes then how –

JASPER I’ll find a way around that.”

- Jasper asks Gretchen to simply point him in the right direction and then go, he doesn’t want her mixed up in this

-She tells him and Jasper leaves. Gretchen laments that she had fallen for him because he does not love her, and wishes she could forget him so she could move on faster

-Jasper enters the gate area and is confronted by Ammut, who tells him that she must weigh his heart against a feather, and he must confess his greatest misdeed. Only then can he enter

-(Hungry for Your Heart begins) Ammut plunges her hand into Jasper’s chest and pulls his heart out to put on the scale. Jasper begins to die

-Gretchen rushes, plucks out her own heart, and places it in Jasper’s heart. He revives

-Together, they face Ammut as she sings about justice

-Jasper begins to unload his greatest misdeeds, including that he didn’t hide his father’s pills when he got out of rehab, or maybe that Jasper was the reason his mom left the family. The scale gets lighter and lighter, but isn’t enough.

-In a burst of desperation, Jasper declares that he’s the reason Agnes killed herself. His heart is now light enough and floats. (Hungry for Your Heart ends)

-Sore loser Ammut can’t take this though, and grabs Jasper’s heart and crushes it. She and her blind justice leave to go get Thai food

-Gretchen tells Jasper he can keep her heart, she wasn’t using it

-Jasper responds in Portuguese, and they both realize Jasper is at phase 3 of forgetting

-Loki and Hel again burst in, throwing lightning bolts at Jasp and Gretch. Jasp and Gretch sprint off, the gods in hot pursuit

-Back at Mr. Lethe’s office, Mr. Lethe is getting ready for a commercial shoot. Hathaway enters and tells him that the boy exited the gates, also mentioning that the news about Agnes moving to Elysium was faked

- “MR. LETHE I am grumpy.”

- “MR. LETHE Hmmmm...This boy is actually starting to impress me...He may be the one thing I’ve been waiting for. Find him! This is all going according to plan, Hathaway! First, I’ll overthrow those nimrods Neptune and Jupiter and then I’m comin’ for you, Pluto...Oh, yes, your days are finally numbered!!! You stuck me with a river in hell? I’ll do you one worse! How’s Cleveland, sound?Now, let’s continue on with the next commercial. I’m looking for happy but not saccharin. I want BROADWAY but not Broadway. I want girl next door but two doors down. Do you understand? Action!”

-Jasp and Gretch have made it to the Great Gulf, having escaped Hel and Loki. Jasper is on and off in Portuguese

-The Great Gulf is a giant pit. If you fall in, your soul could be lost in the Wasteland for all eternity. There’s no bridge or anything. Just a riddle stating: “To cross the gap, there is no map, No chance to bridge the parts. The way to pass, is clear as glass: The meeting of two hearts.”

-Jasper’s head hurts more and more. He drinks more water but he keeps losing his memories

- “All the picture are almost gone...It’s all becoming so cloudy. The cliff, the water, that day...(HE downs it, but it’s empty) There’s one picture left, but I can’t barely see her. It’s the night before...We are on her couch,talking about Star Trek. It’s the beginning of everything... I told her about the swimming pool.“Let’s be the first to feel something real”...I can still see it...It’s the last picture on the wall...Me and Agnes...I was happy with her, wasn’t I? I lose this and she’ll be gone forever...”

-Gretchen sees now that Jasper really does love Agnes, even if he doesn’t know it, and realizes she won’t ever be able to replace her. She goes to leave.

-Jasper calls her back, asking why she thinks he’s there.

- “GRETCHEN You’re so naive...You wanna be like Orpheus....but, you know what? Orpheus failed. Just like you will...

JASPER As long as we don’t look back...We won’t fail...”

- (Stroke by Stroke begins) While singing, Jasper goes to the edge of the Gulf and looks over.

-At “We’ll never know we’re alive ‘till we jump, ‘till we dive,” Jasper closes his eyes and steps forward- and they realize it was merely an illusion and a glass floor connects the two sides

-Jasper holds out his hand for Gretchen to take to follow him. Hesitantly, she touches his hand (Stroke by Stroke ends)

- (The Remembering begins) Gretchen sees her memories and realizes that she is Agnes

-She embraces Jasper, thanking him for coming for her and how she knew that Jasper loved her. Unfortunately, Jasper has now completely forgotten everything- who he is, where he is, even Agnes.

-Because they no longer fulfill the requirements of the riddle (Jasper no longer loves her because he doesn’t know her, the glass breaks and they fall into the Great Gulf (The Remembering ends)

END OF ACT ONE