#Oh and don’t even get me started on bam lmao

[ckygetsjobs]

I’m not even a mustard liker whatsoever, I think it’s gross but boy do I have ideas. I’d take it too far. I’d start eating mustard in front of rake all the time, even as far as chugging it straight from the bottle. I’d also ALWAYS pull pranks, and like really loser ones too, like ones he couldn’t believe he fell for. Maybe I have too much time on my hands.

[genshin-obsessed]

Could I request headcanons of Honkai men getting random hugs and kisses from their s/o?

Ooh I feel like I could do them all buuut I also don’t like doing tags lmao so forgive me. I’ll add anyone new, idm!

Characters: Caelus, Welt, Bladie, Jing Yuan

☆ Caelus

100% blushing but definitely infatuated. Caelus isn’t used to this type of affection but keep it coming.

He does get embarrassed if it’s in public. Will ask for you to refrain in front of strangers. Otherwise, small hugs and kisses the best in his opinion. Kinda ok around friends, just not too much.

Once he’s pretty used to it, which doesn’t take that long, he starts returning them. He does try his best to often try and catch you off guard because those are the most fun.

No, you can’t always tell. That’s the point!

☆ Welt Yang

Uhh he’s pretty sure he’s a little too old for that. But I mean, don’t stop.

Welt is a bit more reserved and so he’s not overly fond of PDA, but small things here and then aren’t too bad.

He actually likes returning it. Like, catching you off guard with a kiss and watching your eyes widen is so cute and exciting. Makes him feel all young again with that first love kinda feeling.

It does turn into a war behind closed doors. If you surprise him with a kiss, he’ll try to one up you like “no, I kissed you.”

☆ Bladie

He will 100% freeze up and just stand there for a second. Even after a while of this, he isn’t very used to it.

He likes it though. Like, sometimes he’ll expect it and just wait patiently. Then he gets sad if it doesn’t happen.

He tries to do the same, but he’s extremely awkward. Like, he’ll lean in and just get embarrassed. Then he’ll give you a quick kiss, turn away, and blush.

It’s extremely endearing and he’s definitely trying to be less awkward. It takes time- a long time- but any progress is better than none.

☆ Jing Yuan

Oh, so you��ve chosen war? Ok, well don’t forget this was started by you.

Jing Yuan is more than more than happy to fluster you with surprise make out sessions. You’ll be busy and bam! Make out session!

Don’t worry, he’ll never do that in public. He has class. But you let your guard down and well, that’s an opportunity. No, he's not sorry. In fact, he's all smug about it like "well, pay attention next time".

Goes without saying, he’s so for it. He loves it. He eats it up. Please give him all of your affection and love and YOU.

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

Okay Y'ALL I saw Episode 5 today and these are the thoughts I jotted down while watching it (PART 1 OF 2)

Please don’t read below the cut if you are avoiding spoilers until you get to watch it yourself 

And FYI some of these may not have any context, but I guess it won’t matter cause you’ll have context in 7ish hours anyway (also sorry about how long all my thoughts and feelings are lol)

We’ve all seen the first 4 mins so that’s that - nothing extra special to add there other than that Colin’s soft voice for Pen feels like it makes my heart grow bigger every time I see it

Um what the absolute fuck was that opening title??? Have they deviated and changed that this much before?? Have I never noticed other than with the very small changes they do with adding the correct Bridgerton’s name etc?

Anthony wanting to do that one Monica scream is adorbs

LOLLLLL I love you sweet Greggy

LMAO Cressida with them BARBS

Awh Cressida I do feel for you my girl

OMFGGGGG Colin’s chat with the boys??? THIS IS MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!! SOMEONE STAB ME IN THE HEART AAAAH

And Anthony with that quick wisdom? Is it rude of me to not really have expected it from him even though I know this kind of good sense is in him? I do love you Ant! Sorry that I still think of you as SLOW to good sense because of last season lol

Also that cute and private GOSSIPY moment? LOVEEE

OH PORTIA FOR FUCKS SAKEEEEE WITH “THOSE EXACT WORDS” why are you stressing her out but also why are you STRESSING ME OUT?

BAHAHAHAHAHHSSHHAHAHASHA THAT IMMEDIATE 360 please stopppppp I have whiplash - this show has never presented something I personally see as a legitimate concern (from the character's perspective) and then proceed to resolve that issue soooo fucking fast, like that took two seconds PLEASE I’m dying, I can’t believe I thought I’d be stressed about that comment for a considerable amount of the episode? and then BAM 😂 Excellent job Colin!

For the love of god no one wants to chaperone them???? They’re just gonna go???? No one is gonna stop them? Like is she the John Cena of the Bridgerton universe?? Everyone is just like, oh look, Colin walking down the street speaking to himself, oh look he’s in a carriage, also just speaking to himself - like H'WHAT?

Having that said, yes of course get her alone and fuck her by all means if that’s what you wanna do, don’t let my hang ups about propriety and the rules of the ton stop you my boy

Omg pen my baby was so moved 🥹 She somehow hadn’t processed that whole thing even during the carriage ride? Because unless they teleported, she was just like reeling in silence until this point, just like, looking for the words???

Oh my god OH MY GOD OH MY GOD there you go Portia my mans was as clear as he could be about the exact words both indirectly and directly thank you very much

Omg STAHPPPP I can’t Col you should totally write her love letters saying this type of stuff every day - it’s what she deserves 🥹

Omg they’re so cute???!!!

Consent king!! This is so INTIMATE and CUTE!!! 🥹

Have I never seen tits bigger than like a 32B on Netflix before? Cute lil perky tits never really get registered as out there nudity I guess? Like I knowwww we saw tits the last two seasons, and I guess at the brothels this season too, which I nearly forgot, but like even 0.6 seconds of Pens tits rn feels like I’m on HBO and not Netflix? LOLLL

NO ONE HAS EVER REMOVED A BELT BETTER THAN LUKE NEWTON HAS

FUCK he’s so hot??? I’m probably equally attracted to both actors irl tbh but in the showverse Pen is just my girly and Colin was just my sweet boi too right up until he started undressing rn? Now pen is still my girly but Colin can fucking get ittttt LOLLL

Also we’ve seen him undressed before??? I don’t know what’s going on but he did the 0.0003 second belt thing and I audibly gasped and my brain suddenly went blank and now I’m just drooling over Colin and how hot he is fml

Luke Newton should probably just go around taking his shirts and belts off all the time tbh

Just in real life, stay undressing king, you’re such a treat 😍

Awh he’s got the cutest lil butt, but like…. I can’t look? I’m feeling an odd amount of… second hand embarrassment about his butt? I don’t know if that makes any sense but somehow it feels wrong to be looking at your butt Colin I’m sorry this is just like Pen’s property now you know? I shouldn’t seeeee this lol

Kinda wish they edited out that tiny bit where he moved the sheet? I assume that was for the sake of the actors/show because they can’t actually be like fully naked out here, but that tiny bit could’ve been easily edited a different way - only because I don’t want it to register like he’s covering her up? He’s not, he 100% would NEVER, but like logistically I get it, just wish the editor saw it the way I see it and took that bit out

oop JUMP SCARE Lmfaooooo my mans thought it would end before it even began 😂😂😂

Awh he’s so sweet with her - Touch me anywhere? Please they are really taking on such great parts from the books

Though on a side note I wish that this mirror idea was broken into 2 parts too? like part 1 he just says the lines from the books about wanting to grab her tits and fuck in front of a mirror but they don’t because he wants that gentle missionary first time, and then part 2 after the LW drama he actually passionately fucks her in front of the mirror, horizontally sure, but like from behind while facing the mirror? That's such an easy way to cover her up too - one arm coming from under her, wrapped around her bust to cover her there, and other arm coming over her and snaking down her belly so we know there is finger action but Nic would still be tastefully covered - this allows them to just stare at each other through the mirror the entire time which could have been sooooo hot? And I wouldn't have to suspend disbelief when it comes to her tits not touching any part of him through this whole thing lol - It’s aight though, this is what AO3 is for and I’m by no means disappointed with anything that’s happening rn

Still, circling back, is it like an actor/show rule to just show tits and not do anything else with them? Because I knowwww Colin isn’t gonna just fuck her without sucking on them titties that whole entire time, like please BE REAL for just ONE second, cause there’s absolutely nooooo way his hands and mouth wouldn’t be directly on those tits - but yeah, if it’s an actor/show thing to not do it because it might be too porny/uncomfy, I get it - I’m just looking for that realism because come onnnn there’s literally NO WAY his mouth wouldn’t be all over that LOL

Like even with their vertically challenging situation, I know my mans would fold his neck his back his spine his evvvverryyything to get his face on her tits LOLLLL

Also, sir? Everyone enjoyed your fingers but when are you going to eat my girl out? Please she deserves to see God???!!!!!

Never underestimate the power of grabbing your own dick to get it in either, it's just so fucking hot and I don’t make these rules

I personally think the carriage scene was A LOTTT spicier than this though

Sorry guys, don’t be upset or anything - I just think THAT was PASSION and THIS is LOVE

Slow and settled love - best friend love - honestly it’s how I see couples being intimate once their honeymoon phase is long over - just like, chit chatting while gentle fucking - super comfortable with each other and just not awkward at all - contently smiling and giggling afterwards, like that was all just totally normal everyday behaviour between them

It’s like they’re having a casual bestie moment, just the same as walking around in a market or gossiping in a ballroom

When you really think on it though, it’s so cool that a first time can be this way because you’ve just been best friends your whole life

Anyway, no furniture break I’m afraid

[vivaladicamillo]

I 10000% need some fluff and smut for Ryan Dunn!!!

RYAN DUNN X GN!READER HCS

okok more ryan dunn content bc lord im so whipped for him its not funny anymore, i also think there NEEDS more content of him on here i’ve scrolled to the bottom of the ryan dunn tags and im in need of content tbh, so might as well make my own for other ryan lover like me out there !

WARNINGS: nsfw elements towards the end

——————————————————

SFW:

oh this man is crazy for u

we’ve seen and heard of stories of ryans past relationships

we all know he would literally bend over backwards for u

i feel like hes not to big on romantic things though

like fancy flashy type romantic stuff

date wise he would probably take u either somewhere public like the movies or an icecream shop or like somewhere u genuinely really wanna go

in public though he always had one arm wrapped around u

either around ur waist or ur shoulder or even just holding ur hand

he wants everyone in that mf to know ur his

LOVES TO SHOW U OFF

keep a little photo of u in his wallet

“yah my girlfriend is super hot.”

the guys totally dog on him for it though

everyones just praying ur not like his past relationships

he just has a habit of letting people step over him bc he care abt them too much

but ur not like le that, ur different (hopefully LMAO)

when he started growing his hair out he definitely let u brush it and style it when u could

that man barely knows how to shower on a regular basis hes definitely not brushing his own hair regularly

SPEAKING OF SHOWERS

oh lord jesus christ ur gonna have to make him shower

hes gonna be smelling like a whole can of bounce that ass sometimes

u will probably have to make a deal with him to shower

or just lock his ass up in there and tell him hes not coming out untill he does shower

but honestly if u just ask him politely and nicely he will start trying to smell better and shower more often

anything for u

he loves to kiss u

like all the time, no matter where

in public, in front of the guys, in front of a old persons home, u name it and he’s probably gonna kiss u there

also he loves kissing ur nose, forehead, cheek and ofc ur lips

he also doesnt mind kisses back (lord please kiss his nose he secretly loves it when u do that)

any joke u make will make him do his little goofy laugh

oh and he will do anything to see u laugh or smile

he adore ur smile

he could just admire it for hours on end

i feel like his mom would love u too

ur just his perfect match !

NSFW:

hmm where should i start

i feel like hes a switch but hes more on the dom side

but not like rough and mean

he’s definitely a soft dom

he loves to take it slow, gentle and calm

he wants to enjoy every minute you guys spend together

slow pace but just right yk?

but he also loves it when ur dominant

seeing u above him and seeing u have all the power when it comes to the bedroom just does something for him

he don’t discriminate

LOVESSS when u give him hickeys

he will also give them to you yes ofc but only if hes feeling a bit jealous

he does not like sharing his sex life with anyone

maybe bam but thats a bog MAYBE

ik hes stated before he likes to keep things private

so no risky public sex or threesomes

maybeathreesomewithbambutthatsnot100%

oh he loves to give u head

and hes damn well good at it

he wont stop till u at least have came twice

SPEAKING OF CUM (hehe cum)

his favorite place for him to cum is either on ur thighs or in ur mouth

SHOWER SEX!

probably one of the only ways u can get him to shower

he likes using handcuffs on u though

thats on super rare occurrences

kink wise i think hes not into a lot

maybe hair pulling, spanking but not much else

hes always down to try some stuff though if u really wanted too

just nothing that involves him hurting u or u hurting him

i also feel like hes not one to joke during the deed

unless u both are in a silly mood then maybe theres some giggling and jokes

but otherwise he wants it to be more intimate and loving

PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE ALL DAY

“ah yes ur doing so good for me baby.” “u look so good with my cock inside u darling”

i feel like hes into being called a title

like sir or master (maybe)

i feel like he would be icked out by daddy though

his after care is amazing though

you want him to run u a bath? get u food, drinks? a magically gay unicorn? hes getting it for u no matter how tired he is

LOVES TO CUDDLE AFTERWARDS

he thinks its so cute when u fall asleep in his arms first

he just loves u so much and wants to see u happy

if ur happy and satisfied hes happy and satisfied

—————————————

hope u enjoyed!! i kinda just did a bunch of cute and spicy headcanons for this bc i just wrote another ryan fic abt a similar topic sooooo yea!

[cooltrainererika]

Just watched the Hetalia musical!

It was fun, though I had no idea what was going on sometimes lol. It didn’t take itself completely seriously, and was good goofy fun.

If I had any complaints it would be the aforementioned at times confusing story. Or maybe that’s just because I couldn’t hear what everyone was singing half the time. The main story was about Japan being chosen to host an international festival, and trying to find what’s so unique about himself. And this somehow results in him falling back in time. There was this whole “Open the country, stop having it be closed” mini-arc that I didn’t know how it connected to the whole thing about Japan finding his uniqueness. They could have made it relevant; like maybe Japan has realized how unique he is and goes too far in the other direction, deciding that to preserve his culture he’s going to remain closed, and he has to learn that he needs his friends too, but from what I could gather that wasn’t what they were going for. Or maybe it was? Idk really.

Also man they flanderized Ame badly. He was a brute in this! Like he didn’t even care when Japan disappeared, WTF America??? That’s one of your best friends like??? Also Past!America was trying to prevent the Axis Stooges from returning to the present because… Reasons? Seriously Ame why are you such a jerk here?! Also I swear China was way more hyper in the opening scene than I’d ever expect him to be (Like there was a gag at the beginning where he and Italy were like “Uneasiness? Like the uneasiness of wanting to go to the bathroom oh no we forgot!” and run around goofily). Though that didn’t last long, and he appeared to act slightly like his old salty self, at least in the past, at least what I know of his old personality, after the fact. And Ned was way more cheerful, though that’s not a complaint. Also I kind of wish the JP fandom didn’t push the whole Axis thing still. …And they mistook tomatoes as being North American lmao. Those come from South America, writers!

As mentioned, the story was about Japan finding himself basically. It really was a story made for Japanese audiences and to pull at Japanese heartstrings lol. Also, the actors were really cute. Especially Japan and China. Man Japan was so smol. Though Ame and China’s voices were really jarring to me because wow they were low. Like I’m expecting them to be these tenors and then bam, I hear these goddamn baritone voices come out of their mouths. It’s not bad, just jarring and hard to get used to. Italy and Spain and England’s actors were clearly trying their best to match the anime though. And I remember saying Ame’s singing was… Eh in another Hetamyu clip I saw, but everyone was great here!

Also man the Netherlands fans were eating good tonight! On the other hand, as soon as the characters started talking about how “The world is uneasy recently” in the opening scene I immediately noticed the giant Russia-shaped hole in the cast. His lack of presence was pretty noticeable. Is it because of current events…?

I found it kind of funny that Past!China was like “You don’t have to copy me to the letter you know?” (and at one point quips something like “What is there to copy about me?”) because of how I write Imperial China and how Imperial China was in history, and I’m pretty sure it was the opposite in canon too lol. This was in response to how Japan basically goes the opposite direction of nationalism and is like “Being unique is too hard, imma copy China for the rest of my life”, which was also funny also because of how I write him (then again so was the entire central story of how he doesn’t know who he is and what’s so unique about himself).

But yeah it was a great time. Btw the climax involved past!China appearing out of nowhere and having an epic ping-pong battle with Japan. On Mt. Fuji. And Japan and the rest of the Axis trio are there because supposedly volcanic eruptions release enough energy to create wormholes. Because screw you it’s that type of show. I’m not complaining, that was awesome.

[my-name-is-jefferooni]

Hey. I’m back. Not for any reason you’re thinking of, though…

Yes, I’ve returned after… God, how long has it been? A month? Two months? Eh, whatever. I’ll catch up on all the cool comics I’ve missed later on. Right now I’ve got my mind set on the new Sonic IDW issue 69. Because… Oh boy, it’s just a disappointment to be honest.

Alright, so it starts off strong with a good intro page and some extraordinary art, as usual. Pretty cool plot too, with the race actually being an advertisement event for Clean Sweep and the Restoration. We also finally get to see more of Jewel and… Whatever his name is, the Opossum guy. (He’s so forgettable that I forget his name too easily lmao) So with all that setup, you’d think the rest of the issue itself would be a great read, but no. It really isn’t.

My first main gripe is that the Diamond Cutters don’t really act as much of a team at all. It’s mostly just Lanolin and Tangle showing us how split their ideals are, and that alone just makes me sad. This team was set up to be the new and improved Diamond Cutters, the more inexperienced yet connected team that would follow the previous versions type of work ethic. We were lead to believe they’d all grow to become closer teammates and friends. But here we’re shown them all just growing farther and farther apart, with Whisper not even saying a single word throughout the whole issue! And when it comes to their role in the story, they don’t even do much. They don’t really participate in the race, they just act as a police department replacement. Jet literally calls them the Fuzz. How much more on-the-nose can you get? It’s insulting and depressing seeing them like this if I’m being truly honest.

And that’s not to mention that Lanolin and Whisper basically shoot guns at people and they don’t get reprimanded by themselves for that, when Jet and Sonic simply bumping into each other got them both a strike.

My next and much smaller issue with, well, the issue, is Surge and Kit. They hardly do anything for the story, mostly just acting as a plot device to give the writers a reason to disqualify Sonic, Tails, and Amy. They hardly get any page-time in the present, with a majority, if not all their time being spent as a flashback. All that time spent with Surge and Kit being praised and adored by the people they hurt in issue 67 was leading up to this issue, and this is what we get for it all?? Really? And when Surge activates the scam on Amy’s extreme gear, when it just goes crazy and shit, there’s no smooth transition or indicator that she’s about to press a button for us readers. All we get is a single panel after Jet says “I’ll beat you all fair and square!” This, along with Surge’s color also being green, misleads me into thinking that Jet was the one who pushed the button and activated the scam, when I should be clued in that it was actually Surge. It’s confusing and should have been pointed out during the editing or proofreading phase of the upload process or whatever the process is called for making a comic. This could just be me being stuffy about it though.

And finally, for my biggest and pettiest problem of them all, Eggman.

This bitch did not deserve to come back. Oh my god.

So! To start this off, ima ask a question to Lanolin, and to you, the reader. Why the fuck did Sonic and his friends have to be disqualified?? Lanolin could clearly see that something was wrong with their extreme gear, and could easily tell that the issue was not their fault at all. It was a problem caused by someone likely inside the tech team, the people who watched over the extreme gear throughout the night! Lanolin knew this, and yet she still disqualified the team from the rest of the race. Why?

Anyhow, her disqualification of Sonic’s team lead the three Mobians to a small local restaurant where they talked about it, and then BAM. SUDDENLY EGGMAN IS HERE, AND NOBODY IS QUESTIONING IT. AT ALL. WHAT THE FUCK.

You know, since Eggman is literally a world-renowned war criminal and a mad scientist who dumped a giant fucking plague on the whole planet, you’d think that the rest of Mobius would be a bit more cautious around the guy. You’d think that if he just waltzed right on into a restaurant, everyone else would run and hide. You’d think there would be screaming, fighting, people begging to leave. Because compared to the Mobians, this guy is huge! He towers above them all, and his big fat body and mustache are not hard to notice in public when combined with his height. Anyone who saw him in public, no matter what he would be wearing, would instantly know who he is and would run away immediately!

And yet, all we see is a young worker just staring at Eggman being threatened by the others, looking quite awkward, as if it’s just a simple bar fight or as if she isn’t looking directly at a goddamn murderer.

What.

This isn’t even talking about Sonic’s experiences and feelings about Eggman! I haven’t even talked about Sonic much at all in this post! But for Sonic to just sit there awkwardly as Eggman shuffles into the booth across from him, for the hedgehog to tell his friends to not attack the guy after their last meeting, for him to just sit there and hear out his literal lifetime arch nemesis like that… It’s downright disgusting. During or even before the Metal Virus, Sonic would only do this kinda shit if the world were about to end. He’d only pay Eggman a second thought if they were all about to die, right then and there. EVEN WHEN THEY TEAMED UP DURING THEIR LAST MEETING, THEY ONLY DID IT BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAD THE SAME GOAL OF TAKING OUT SURGE WHO, AT THE TIME OF THEIR DEAL, WAS A MAJOR THREAT TO THE REST OF THE WORLD THAT HAD TO BE NEUTRALIZED IMMEDIATELY. SONIC ONLY TEAMED WITH EGGMAN BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, EGGMAN DIDNT WANT SURGE TO KILL SONIC. THAT WAS THAT.

But here? They’re just in a restaurant. Talking. No strings attached, no real meaning behind it. And the reason why Eggman sought out Sonic of all people…?

Because he was insulted that Mobians insulted him and his robots.

…

I’m sorry.

W H A T. T H E. A C T U A L. F U C K ? ? ?

I do not even need to tell you how absolutely absurd this reasoning is. I do not need to sit here for another 40 minutes explaining to you all the reasons why this reasoning is genuine bullshit. I do not need to go on another rant and tell you what you already know.

But I will say this: Eggman is a threat. Eggman is a villain. He can be funny at times, he can be goofy at times, but overall we must know what he is capable of. Because of what he’s capable of, Eggman can do just about anything to anyone if he is to be insulted or mocked. He could send a horde of robots and kill that person until they’re double-dead. Bro could nuke their house. HE COULD SEND ANOTHER GODDAMN ROBOTIC PLAGUE ON THE WORLD JUST BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE IT. EGGMAN HAS THE MEANS AND THE DRIVE AND THE POWER TO LITERALLY DO ANYTHING. HE HAS AN EGO BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT A LITTLE INSULT WON’T DO SHIT TO HIS EMPIRE. BRO HAS BEEN MOCKED BEFORE BY THE MOBIANS. HE’S BE HATED, FEARED, EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN AND MORE.

Yet, when the Mobians, the people he’s hurt, killed, enslaved, ZOMBOTIFIED… When they simply make a mockery of him on television during a Clean Sweep advertisement… He goes ballistic and enlists Sonic to help him get revenge.

What a fucking man-child.

The writers for this issue are intentionally making Eggman seem more comedic and pathetic than villainous. They are turning this lifetime enemy of Sonic into a begrudging clown, a shadow of the man he was during the Metal Virus, and they are doing it with a satisfied grin on all their pretty faces. I don’t hate anyone or truly despise anyone for this decision to make Eggman seem more of a bumbling fool or a businessman. I just… I’m honestly just disappointed. Eggman is meant to be scary, he’s meant to be a villain. Not… Whatever this is! I don’t even know what he’s supposed to be anymore! His robots make a fake game show for Sonic and his friends all because their boss is obsessed with Dance Moms. Sure, that makes sense, they’re Orbot and Cubot and their job is to make Eggman happy. Eggman teams up with Sonic and then double-crosses him again simply because they have similar goals? Yeah, okay, kinda weird but nothing too out of the ordinary. Because at least in those two examples, we still know what Eggman’s supposed to be. We still know how menace he can be, because he still has his ingenuity and his robotic prowess behind him. But here? When he’s in a tiny restaurant in a purple suit, willingly helping and making a deal with Sonic the Hedgehog, his lifelong enemy?? I have no idea who or what this man is supposed to be. I don’t know who I’m looking at here. All I see is a sad excuse to move the plot along and introduce another new character to the story. That’s all I can see.

Issue 67 was a failure, a flop, a disgusting mess of an issue. But this? Issue 69 is just a sad, sorry disappointment.

[susie-dreemurr]

Dungeon Menshi (live-blogging from ep 2 to like 7 I think

Ep2

Marcille is such a mood I love her. I too am a picky whiny bitch

THE MY LITTLE PONY CHICKEN— BASILISK. Ah yes i remember its bam enow

Genshin rly said fuck that guy I wanna cook. He’s gonna have to wait for me to cook. Everyone but Marcille is insane <3

NOOOOO MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT THE DOGS— oh thank god she never tried it

If I was Falin I would kill these motherfuckers the instant I got out fr y’all wasting too much time man

Fofa conversa

Ok if I were this Chil kid I would fucking kill Senshi as soon as we could

“Your job is to cook, mine is to detect and ruin traps, Marcille’s is magic” …and the protag guy can get fucked I guess

Ep3

“I was killed by a moving armor once so I used to be terrified of them. Wonder what they taste like, none of the books ever described it. How would you cook them?”— Insane person speaking

Is there like a really tiny person controlling that one specific armor that moves wonky. Like two kids in a trench coat kinda deal

“These armors seem alive and are protecting something *skips the implications* which means they’re edible”

“If he dies let’s leave him here” “yeah” based

Laios (I know his name now) Laios please take out the fucking creature from the sword before taking it with you. Laios please

Laios NEEDS to get someone on the team killed one day. *remembers his sister* that one didn’t count

Ep 7 (I forgot to liveblog the others)

Damn Senshi got that nasty ass beard. Marcille teach him hygiene— FUCK SHE LOST HER SOAP IN THE DRAGON FIGHT NOOOO

MARCILLE JESUS???? WLAKING WATER

In a modern au Senshi is that guy from a countryside town who’s an urban legend because he lives in the woods and refuses to interact with any kind of technology. He doesn’t stop others from living their way but he decided to be a medieval citizen, good for him ig

Marcille finally is awestruck by Senshi and all it took was a fantasy horse… she’s a horse girl isn’t she

Senshi is a better person than me because if someone said it’d be more practical to use my pet’s organs as 🛟 I would kill them. I understand Laios but damn bro

“Why is everyone soft hearted for mamíferos and doesn’t let me plant carnivorous plants?” — Laios. Aiai eu esqueci que ele é assim. Freak /pos

NOOOOOO ANNE NOOOOO. It was inevitable I guess, it is a wild animal after all, but FUCK MAN.

Senshi :((( I feel so bad man but class will start shortly rn so I can’t even be sad :((( having a pet makes me sensitive to this stuff. :((( I’m so sad man

Naur he’s gonna eat Anne to make sure nobody else gets to do it. What if we all died

THESE MFS KEEP GETTING WIPED MAN NO MAMES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM STAY OUT OF THIS DUNGEON

Chilchuck??? Chilchuck thanks to hxh I have trauma over dull eyes I know you’re hypnotized probably but don’t do this to me

Thank you Laios for being weird as shit not even the mermaids want you

Lmao Chilchuck trying to talk his way out of not acting to eat a semi-human creature

I have a feeling that Laios will eventually make everyone in this group cannibalistd

MARCILLE FOFA DEMAIS

“Is that a squid? Or an octopus?” It’s an Ikalgo

Senshi is smarter than me I would of literally never thought of that. Marcille’s Jesus spell the true MVP, just like Jesus himself was god bless

Ok essas são as consequências das suas próprias ações Laios, pra que que tu foi comer VERME cru???

[cecebookworm]

Anyway, I finished Everblaze like three days ago but then I had to process a few theories and reread the information bit of Unlocked so this is technically late. But besides all that, which will be coming on a “half way there” wrap up style post after Lodestar, here are my thoughts after my Everblaze reread!

NOTE: I will be going back to my previous KOLTC reread thoughts and adding this as well because I forgot to but SPOILERS! I will be discussing everything I felt/noticed regardless of whether certain things were revealed in this book or in later books. So if you haven’t read the whole series I wouldn’t recommend this. (And if you don’t care then go off)

- I feel like this books strength is that when it starts it doesn’t stop. From Fintan’s healing onward it’s just bam bam bam with action or drama or mystery.

- Sophie is so iconic in this book. The Blackswan told her no and then she said, “UNO REVERSE!”

- Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeffffffffffffffffffffffffffeeeeeeeeee He hurts me in this book. Like look, it gets worse. We’ve all witnessed Neverseen Keefe, Legacy Keefe, UNLOCKED KEEFE! *shudders* But this is his early on set trauma pain, and I hate it.

- Fitz is actually nice in this book. Yes he has a lot to make up for after Exile, but I found his care for Sophie amid everyone detesting over the healing extremely charming and sweet.

- B I A N A !!!!!! Finally, after two books of being absolutely horrible she can have her icon arc. I love her in this book. I mean, the scene where Edaline gives some of Jolie’s old dresses to Biana rather than Sophie brings me some, shall we say, pain. But, that was unintentional on all fronts so it’s fineeeee. Plus Biana going bop bop to Gisela on Everest is a personal favorite moment of hers for me in the whole series.

- Oh Dex, where do I begin… mannnnnnnn, that circlet plot still annoys me to this day. I mean seriously, Dex? Your father is talentless and you’ve SEEN first hand how poorly people treat him over it but you’ll subjugate someone else to that WILLINGLY? For shame.

- I always wonder what his family thought in this moment. Specficlly, Juline. While we don’t know that she’s in the Black Swan at this point in the series, nor do we even meet Squall yet, I can’t help but wonder how she felt about witnessing this. Given that she’s in the collective, I doubt she was even happy that Dex was working with the council to create weapons, and then she had to witness Emery swear that anyone associated with Black Swan would be hunted down (aka her, lmao), AND THEN, she had to witness Sophie (the Moonlark) literally be nerfed in-front of the nation. Yikes.

- Generally speaking, the circlet plot is still really messed up. I would argue it’s one of the worst things the council present in the series did. Regardless of how many people perceived Sophie to be a danger to society, considering the circlets first version left her litteraly unconscious, then it’s second attempt left her physically and mentally weak, I would argue that’s torture to one of your citizens. But oh well. This is the council we’re talking about so are we really surprised?

- Can we talk about all of the non-council adults in that scene? Oh my god, we all know how protective Grady is of her, but seeing protective Edaline, Tiegran, and Elwin is so legendary.

- Grady in this book is double the pain. Like he was going through it in Exile, but that’s honestly worsened in this book. While his blame shifts from himself/The Black Swan, it immediately goes to the mysterious pyrokinetic (aka Brant) who he KNOWS killed Jolie and tortured Sophie during her kidnapping. At that point, he’s suffering from the fact that both his daughters suffered at the hands of the same person but he doesn’t know who it is. Then it’s revealed to be Brant, aka the person him and Edaline have been taking care of like a son for the past sixteen freaking years. WHEN I SAY THIS SERIES HURTS! I MEAN IT HURTS!

- That whole sequence is still sooooooo good. Grady’s rage, Sophie’s protectiveness, Brants mania. MY GOD! (Then there’s that really really really messed up line where Brant basically says he’ll kill Sophie but leave Grady alive basically just to make Grady suffer even more is still probably one of the most horrible throw away lines in this series. And that’s saying something)

- Silveny’s role in this book will forever pain. Not as much as in Flashback but close.

- The whole aromark subplot makes no sense to me as a student currently in biology. This is my favorite series of all times, and yes, it is fantasy, but I don’t think Shannon Messenger entirely understands what an enzyme is…

- The Fintan healing scene still pains me to this day. Especially when you find out Kenric kind of knew he probably wasn’t gonna make it. Plus those scenes are just so well written.

- Kenric is still a character that baffles me, something we’ll touch on further when I get to my rereads of Unlocked and Stellarlune. I always find myself wondering if he GENUINELY cared for Sophie. His constant gentle teasings when he’s around her, the fact that he’s the councilor with her during her second inflicting session after her really horrible first one, you get the gist. Did he genuinely care for her and see her as a symbol of hope? Or is it simply that he looks at her and sees Oralie’s daughter? I doubt we’ll ever get the full answer to this given that he’s dead as of this book, but it’s still something to consider.

- Okay, here’s where my notes come in. FIRST NOTE! Page 89, and this one isn’t about future theories or anything, I just find it really interesting that one of the poems Brant writes to Jolie is both an ode to her an ode to fire. Again, at the end of this book we know WHY, he’s a pyrokinetic blah blah blah. I just never noticed.

- Pages 156-158 are both sad and cute. Seeing Sophie try to comfort Keefe about needing more of his skin melted off pains me. Worsened by when he’s later like, “My mom actually seemed like she cared about me this time.” (Not verbatim) PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAINNNNNNNNN!

- Page 189. Here begins cognates Sophie Foster and Fitzroy Vacker. From here on out dear Keepers, take a shot of Lushberry Juice.

- HERE WE HAVE A MADDDDD SKIP: 324-325. I’m sorry, but I could really use some somnalene. My restless anxious can’t sleep ass really needs somnalene. Why can’t this exist irl?

- Page 409. This is something that just, bothers me. Keefe says, “Though of course my mom told me I fastened it to loosely and insisted I repin it. Twice.” (Verbatim) So like, Gisela is 100% a horrible person who just didn’t want Keefe to lose the pin because that would mean they couldn’t find them. I HATE HER! *angry pillow punching*

- Page 482. Emery calling Sophie, “Not Normal” is so shitty. I don’t care if she technically isn’t. Shamming a thirteen year old in front of the world before maiming her? NOT COOL MAN!

- Chapters 43-44. Peak Sophie dumbassery. “Read the ogre kings mind!” Her dumb dumb brain said. “It won’t be that bad!” Her dumb dumb brain said.

- It went bad

Anyway, Everblaze was fun. But most of the mysteries presented here have been solved. The next book, Neverseen on the other hand, well, that’s just getting started isn’t it?

(I’m so melodramatic sometimes lmao)

[ohwhatagloomyshow]

scarlet hollow fan theories as of 12/10

ok! i read some good theories in the tag today and wanted to join in the fun and write down my own thoughts - especially bc i’m like, unnecessarily confident in them and i want bragging rights, lol. spoilers for ep 4 below!

feels fair that i start this post by saying i’d seen the reese-as-werewolf theory in the discord since i s2g ep 1 and thought “that’s funny, y’all are funny,” so you can IMAGINE MY SURPRISE at ep 4. yeah, not technically a werewolf, but A CREATURE! absolutely knocked on my ass.

THAT SAID! FEELIN PRETTY CONFIDENT ABOUT THE REST OF THIS, LOL.

so i wrote my fanfic the sacrifice to get my biggest, earliest theories on paper:

1) the scarlets (enoch, specifically) made a deal with the devil to keep the mine going

2) the seals are part of the deal

3) the seals need blood

4) tabitha killed her mother as part of the sacrifice. it didn’t work, so she’s invited you down so she can try it again.

THIS BEING SAID, i don’t know if even i fully believe that tabitha is/has been planning to kill the player. i don’t know how much i think tabitha killed her mom, even! that’s just the way the story has been leading me to think, and they’re certainly interesting theories to ponder when looking at tabitha’s behavior.

I do firmly believe enoch made a pact with the devil, i firmly believe the seals are part of it, and i firmly believe the seals are activated with blood.

I’ve held these theories since ep 1 into ep 2. now ep 4 has tangled my timeline a bit, and i really need to reread the books on the scarlets in the library for more timeframe clarity. even typing this out, i realized one of my theories conflicts with another one, which i’ll get into below. post-ep 4, my theories are as follows:

1) my initial hunch was that enoch had made a deal with the devil to save the mines and the town. this required blood sacrifice, and led to the creation of the seals, one of the first seals was placed in the Shaw mine. enoch purposefully used the ruined wood to cause a collapse and create an easy sacrifice. however!

2) his brother teddy’s injury was an honest mistake, and enoch’s dealing with the witch is totally unconnected to the original dark deal.

OR!

1) enoch used the ruined wood in typical capitalist fashion: cheaper costs, screw the risks.

2) teddy lost the use of his legs in the mine collapse. enoch, consumed with guilt, went to the witch to make some sort of bargain - both to restore the mine and goodwill in the town, and for his brother’s health.

now, this part works with either option: enoch then lied about teddy’s death in the mines and locked him up in the estate because he couldn’t bear to lose his baby brother. i think whatever agreement he made with the witch gave teddy supernatural powers instead of giving him his legs back.

so, in in ep 3, avery plays teddy. this became clear to me upon a replay before ep 4′s release, where avery says something like they’d use those fine legs and get out of town. oh, i thought, that’s the sentiment of someone who can no longer use their legs. then bam: ep 4, teddy can’t use his legs, enoch says it’ll be fine, and we know the person in the estate could sense edwardine’s pregnancy. thus! teddy is given some sixth sense in exchange for his legs, as part of enoch’s bargain with the witch OR the devil (they could be the same! i’m differentiating them because i don’t think the witch is the cause of ALL the bad things).

assuming i’m correct and the seals need blood, where better else to put another one than in a hospital for people who cough up blood?

i do not know why there’s a seal under town hall (the library). i do believe edwardine had to kill charles jr there, specifically, and that it’s not a coincidence.

i also am leaning toward edwardine doing a lot of the other killings throughout the family history (except for her brothers, i do not think she went with them to kill them on D-Day, or forged those documents, lmao.) i’m VERY interested in the theory that charles jr’s son, andrew, wasn’t actually a stillbirth. i think there’s a reason a lot of the young girls have died in the family. i think there’s a reason your mom was basically driven out of town by the treatment from her family. 

additional theories: sybil is the cat, no question. i don’t remember when i started distrusting her - may lean on the side of tooting my own horn and saying even episode 1 because i didn’t like the way she kept secrets and talked about the ditchlings/duke’s death. she’s absolutely controlling kaneeka with the tea, though to what end i’m not sure. i don’t necessarily believe she’s fully sinister but she is absolutely an antagonist.

wayne. my pet theory on wayne now is he’s possessed by the spirit of an earlier scarlet. this is obviously incorrect from the romance option for him, but i’m trying to work out how i could be right without incest lmao. he’s a dead body possessed by a spirit connected to our family.

finally, returning to my fic, i don’t believe there’s a seal in our basement because, from the way the game has been going, we should probably feel connected to it, and we don’t at all. but maybe tabby’s already interacted with it? maybe that’s dulled our interest/pull to it? idk. just wanted to put it out there that i’m pretty sure that’s a bad guess on my end.

i do think we’re gonna find another one in the woods, around where our one relative died while hiking (was that enoch? definitely murdered)

man i just love this game so much, and would LOVE to talk about with anyone, especially if we’re strangers but you made it this whole way through after finding this post in the tag! i love you!

[rebelpeas]

BAM QUESTIONS

✨ 🎶 🎯 🤲 🤡

HI QWERTY thanks for the questions! i skipped two that i have already answered (✨ and 🤡) this time bc im sleeby tonight 😴

🎶 - Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i cannot write without music LOL i make playlists for my long wips and try to only listen to those songs while i’m working on the wip, so it’s a sort of “sit down and focus” soundtrack. for oneshots i tend to loop just one song the whole time i’m writing. lately, i’ve been listening to fold i by motherfolk and chinese satellite by phoebe bridger!

🎯 - Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

shoutout to the mine theory truthers of devil town! i think at least one person had guessed every reveal, twist, or plot point in devil town by the time we got to the end, with the one exception of (SPOILERS) wilbur being involved in quackity’s dad’s death in any capacity, or, like. anything about karl. i did not see anybody guess that, which was kind of funny and i suspect is probably part of the reason chapter eleven ended up being the most memorable scene in that fic.

also. you with a certain character in footnotes LMAO but you know this

🤲 - Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

this is less of a snippet and more of An Entire Scene because i couldn’t decide which part to grab and just got. all of it. but here is a 500 word chunk from act two of pds 70b for you! warnings ahead for discussions of unreality and death.

“I think I’m going to die in this car,” Wilbur tells Tommy, who is sprawled out across a blanket with one arm over his eyes. It’s just shy of noon; the sun beats down above them, shielded only by the overhang of the building they’ve stopped at for the day. The teenager raises the corner of his lip in the tired approximation of a grossed-out sneer.

“What?”

Wilbur thinks he was pretty obvious the first time. “I’m just gonna keep driving it around until it breaks. Then I’ll live out of it wherever it stops, and eventually I’ll die there. Gonna die in the car. Be buried in it. It’s my tomb, all decorated already and everything.”

This causes Tommy to lift his arm, blue eyes finding Wilbur’s with a scowl. “Has anyone ever told you, you’re fucking morbid?”

“I don’t know,” Wilbur says. “My memory’s bad. That’s insensitive.”

“Fuck you,” Tommy says without a bit of venom to it. He settles back down. “Stop talking about death and let me nap, would you?”

“Okay.” Wilbur puts his back against the wall. “What about you?”

Tommy heaves a sigh and Wilbur can hear the eyeroll that goes with it. “I’m never going to die, actually.”

“No,” Wilbur corrects. “What’ll you do when the car breaks?”

A silent pause hangs between them.

“Well,” Tomm starts, slowly. “I imagine it’ll still be a good while til that happens. Told you, Tubbo’s good with cars. A right mechanic. He’ll keep it moving, and we can go wherever. See who else we can find that’s still around. Oh, we could start a–what’s the word, for like, end of the world shit?”

“What?”

“A community,” Tommy says. “With survivors. We can start farms.”

“I don’t think plants have been growing.”

“What? Oh.” Tommy frowns. “Well, maybe they just need different conditions. We can figure it out.” And after a moment, “How haven’t plants been growing? That doesn’t make any sense. They haven’t died.”

Wilbur shrugs. “You ask the apocalypse how it all works. I haven’t the slightest clue.”

Tommy covers his face again. “I’ll ask tomorrow. Goodnight, Wilbur.”

Wilbur lets him sleep this time. After a few moments, Tommy’s breathing slows into something slow, heavy, and even. He’s a quiet sleeper, whether that’s in the passenger seat of Wilbur’s car or on a blanket in an empty hotel’s lobby, just by the doors where an occasional breeze blows through. The breeze is louder than Tommy’s breathing sometimes.

It startles Wilbur the first time he mixes up the wind for someone breathing. Then it gets stuck in his head. He keeps looking over, half-expecting for Tommy to be gone and to be alone again. Even after the night spent driving together, and the morning spent together scrounging for supplies and finding a cool enough place to sleep, Wilbur still doesn’t quite believe that Tommy is real.

Doesn’t quite believe he’s going to stay.

Tommy is some sort of ghost, he’s pretty sure. Something like a sketchbook high above a canyon, or a name written on a calendar, or a wallet sitting on his dashboard, only a little more tangible. A little louder, when he’s awake, and a little more insistent about it.

So Tommy is the last dredges of Wilbur’s sanity trying to survive, one last-ditch effort to wake himself up and get back into the car and start driving, again, and again, and again. Maybe he isn’t even alive. Maybe it’d worked, back at the canyon–maybe this is just the hallucinated last moments of Wilbur’s life, played through in vivid detail.

Maybe nothing’s real. Maybe trees never fall if no one is there to see it go. Maybe it doesn’t matter.

Tommy is still asleep. One arm over his eyes; blonde hair spilled over maroon carpet. His chest continues to rise and fall. Real or otherwise.

Wilbur dozes off just behind him, and he dreams of something dark in between glittering lights and velvet fabric bundled up inside of his chest.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOOO truly any mention of the Itoshis from us will have that tone HAHA

LMAO Manifesting Mira seabird moment fr!!! Trust you just have to get a sandwich and wave it around on the beach it shouldn’t be hard for a bird to come steal it and then BAM you let fate handle the rest

HAHAHAHA FR like you can’t be TOO nice please because idk I think for me a lot of my close relationships involve a good amount of like friendly banter at least like if I did that with Isagi I’d just feel bad because I could be like “LMAO you’re so dumb” and he’d take it genuinely and be like “omg I’m so so sorry” like NO!!!!

No that’s also my logic HAHA like at least if I forget stupid things I can just stop by a market or something and grab another!

FR first time I saw it I was definitely like wtf this is absurdly funny HAHA but real like especially when they’re the same people deducing villains like Sukuna or geto to “just a silly guy” or “my babygirl” but anyways….

LMAOOOO yeah just some random thoughts yk maybe a teardrop mole….183 cm…..has a regional accent…..just random thoughts…

LMAOOO BRO I was racking my brain trying to come out with something interesting and not overused and inadvertently made some half crack ideas HAHAHAH I’m ngl I’m really sold on the Barou one now because I can just imagine him being like “why the fuck is there snow here I just cleaned it” and maybe his sisters who don’t know better are just like “oh yeah the nice lady next door was shoveling too” and he’s like oh so it’s THAT mf……I can fr just see him ringing the doorbell (not banging on the door because he’s still relatively respectful) and the door swings open and he’s like “why the fuck is YOUR snow on MY driveway” LMAOOOO the Karasu one just came to me in a vision while I was mid typing I think I was just pondering about like lowk bestie yuki and then it hit me….omfg stupid Karasu who ends up playing wingman too I CANT that would actually be such a rollercoaster all the mishaps and misunderstandings that would happen would fr be hilarious….the random dates with others too omg I’m ngl I kinda live for fics that incorporate other characters in sometimes too like I love being immersed in the universe….imagine on top of that at some point Karasu is running out of options like he’s gone through all the main dudes who he’d think have any sliver of rizz like he’s throwing chigiri Otoya Barou and even Isagi or maybe he’s thinks y/n is just playing and that she actually likes yuki…but at some point he’s like there’s no fucking way and you THINK he finally gets the message but he’s like “you like hiori??? Yk he doesn’t touch grass right” Cue the facepalm but y/n goes anyways and ends up ranting about Karasu to hiori since hiori has known Karasu the longest LMAO and they become friends too and y/n gains like, another semi wingman HAHAHAH

Poor Yukimiya I think it’d be so funny to see him like on his knees ripping his hair out of frustration like facepalming every other hour like these two are so fucking dumb…..

AIRPORT TRIP BUT OMGGG NOO MOTION SICKNESS……tbh I think I built up a resistance to motion sickness after kinda just like…brute forcing my way through the ride LOL but I’ve noticed not looking out the windows can help…..maybe take some Advil if you have any? Or eat a mint sometimes I’ve noticed something minty helps too!! but YAY I’m glad you liked them LMAO I leave them in your capable hands….always down to leave more ideas that was fun HAHA

-Karasu anon

facts the ONLY exception is seabird sae he’s bae we love him otherwise we have to keep those boys humble ☝🏻 can NOT cave 😩

HAHAHA PLSSS i’ll start playing seagull calls on my phone beforehand just to really set the mood…a sandwich is a small sacrifice to make for my summer romcom moment ☝🏻 the moment i see a mf from osaka with a smirk that takes up half of his face i’m TACKLING that man idec how many sandwiches it takes i will not let him get away 😟‼️

i love bantering with people i love but ALSO i am such a gossiper about other people!! so like while i can easily envision talking shit w nagi (even though he isn’t exactly the easiest to banter with) isagi just feels too nice he’d be like “let’s not be hateful 😔💔” LMAOAOA

tbh idr mind if people love villains or whatever because sure i see the appeal but when they act like they did no wrong or deserve better THAT’S what gets me!! like yes geto was a product of his environment but also he reacted in an irredeemable way and is by no means a good person for it 😔 what REALLY gets me is when people blame characters like yuki tsukumo for choices that GETO made!! like i’m sorry but her having a scholarly and theoretical conversation with a peer by no means makes her the entire cause of his downfall…SO MANY comments on pi about how they hate yuki because “she’s the reason why geto became evil” it pisses me off so bad because it’s misogynistic honestly!! like the woman who barely knows geto and is not at all responsible for him and was just trying to make conversation (she wasn’t even there to see him she wanted to talk to gojo!!) is more responsible for geto’s behavior than geto himself?? when GETO made the choice??? ughhh tbh i liked geto as a character but there’s a certain kind of fan that he has and they all annoy me sm

THE BAROU SNOW ONE WAS MY FAVORITE I CAN JUST IMAGINE IT BEING LIKE A ONE SIDED PRANK WAR?? like barou thinks reader is fucking w him meanwhile she’s just living her life and being normal 😭 maybe i would have to write some scenes in barou’s pov just to show how he’s like INFURIATED he is whereas reader is just like “my hot but lowkey scary neighbor keeps coming over is he into me 😳”

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like he starts off w the typical suspects (reo, otoya, barou, isagi) and every time it doesn’t work out he gets more and more desperate…throws nagi and bachira at her but still no dice LMAOAO like bro is absolutely LOST because his analysis skills are saying the reader likes SOMEONE on the team but he can’t figure out who for the life of him?? meanwhile yukimiya is SCREAMING like my man is in PAIN 😔 karasu tries to set him up with the reader and that’s when he finally and truly snaps 😫 i truly think the misunderstandings would be so funny and silly…the bllkers are as confused as the reader about what is going on because why does karasu keep dragging them to hangouts with yukimiya’s childhood bff and then randomly disappearing??

i had some mint gum but tbh it didn’t help 😔💔 i get migraines around my menstrual cycle which make me dizzy and nauseous so even though I don’t normally get motion sick it’s really hitting today 😓 i’m on birth control for that and the ovarian cysts i have and it’s def helping but still not perfect by any means 😪 oh well i will be in switzerland soon and that’s all that matters!! we are boarding in a couple of minutes so i will disappear shortly and then be back once we’ve landed 🤩

[slytherinshua]

Ooohhhhhh i just thought bc the way you wrote shinyu was so cute 😭😭

unfortunately, i was a predebut stan of tws but bc i decided to support svts juniors but then their pre release got stuck in my head and then i found put they were all introverts and then i went down a spiral and now i have a huuugggee soft spot for tws

i was so happy when plot twist won so many awards and now that if im n can you be my s? is also winning awards. it sucks that they're only famous in korea, literally so less people stan them internationally.

They're like the first group whose discography ive listened to, fully. as soon as it was released.

my favourite song from the debut album is either first hooky or unplugged boy, i love them both so so so much. from summer beat i love you+me=7942 and fire confetti. double take and oh my my: honorable mentions.

Youre soo right abt jebewon btw. i was never really into all the 'they'll disband!' thing and all but the first 5th gen group i liked was bnd and then tws when they debuted but i watched 2 eps of zbtv and suddenly bam! everything is zb1. hanbin was my bias before i even knew who zb1 was😭😭

Me and my friend both stan svt but then we have such different choices in both 5th and 4th gen. shes a moa and im a stay, shes a onedoor and im an sai_rose so :/ and on top of that she was there for the entirety of boys planet 😭😭😭

i always loved bnds music and myungjae was everywhere on my fyp but i started watching them now and god i absolutely adore sungho (and leehan)

no bc i was spent like 30 minutes trying to remember which anon i was 😭😭 i had exams so i just kind of went off of everything 🙃 but yeah!!! Im back!!!

HAVE THE BESTEST DAY EVER!!

🌱

yeah skdjs I get a lot of requests for shinyu I absolutely love writing for him but he’s not my bias!!

me too I’m a predebut stan and I’m so glad I was I was like I’m gonna support them no matter what when the video dropped I was so dedicated I was teaching my friends their faces like minutes after cause I forced my brain to learn their faces even tho there was only one video to go by. I would take so many screenshots too I slowed the video down to like get smooth ones as well LMAO

yeah not many stan internationally but I think people will slowly start to stan as they have more comebacks. they’re definitely marketed towards Korea which personally I love. tho it is a little weird cause I’m like they’re not nugu by any means but literally no one stans them 😭😭😭 but it’s okay soon there will be more sai!!!

from debut my fav songs were unplugged boy and bff but I adored every single song on their debut they have the best debut in the industry imo and I will stand by it!!! years from now their debut will still be iconic because it was so popular in korea and the best debuts are the ones like that

aww yeah 😭😭 I was loosely following them since boys planet started but I never watched any cause I can’t do survival shows. but when they debuted I watched the mv and listened to their songs but still was like no I’m not gonna stan. I rly didn’t want to get attached but the thing is I heard abt gunwook being called ugly and I was like hold up I don’t think he is from what I remember abt the group. and then I just looked him up to make sure and yeah i was right he was the main member who I noticed so I started like knowing abt gunwook more…. and more…… and more…. until eventually I couldn’t stand it anymore and stanned them so yay (but not yay cause I signed myself up for pain my original plan was just to stan gunwook or his group when he redebuted or went solo)

skdjs well I both say you have great taste in 5th gen you rly can’t go wrong all the groups are so good!! omg sungho was my first bonedo bias <3 I was also there for them predebut and I went through a couple biases and struggled forever with the 03z. rn I’m saying I’m ot6 cause I rly can’t choose :(

yeah like 😭😭 I had forgotten u had existed cause it’s been so long the emoji tag was recent when I was searching through anons.. and like since I changed ur tag too it was confusing as well LMAO but I’m so glad ur back when I saw ur ask I was like wait they requests cheol right like I went to double check cause usually my memory is good but yk not always AND YEAH IT WAS!! TYSM I JUST WOKE UP AND IM GONNA GO GET COFFEE AND PLAY SOME TENNIS AND HOPEFULLY WRITE LATER IM EXCITED FOR TODAY <33

[snimeat]

Heyoooo~ oh, the sun emoji is because I think some people need more sun in their lives - figuratively and literally. If that makes any sense that is.

Did you start 10 years ticket? I cried through the entirety of episode 2. Episode 1 was something like beautiful idyllic scenery and then bam! profound sadness. But since I am a huge angst lover, this is fiiiiiiiiiine. I can cry through all the episodes if it'll satisfy my hunger for pain.

So, yeah, I don't think I'm okay, but that's fiiiiiiine.

Anyway, how have you been?

Oh and NLMG is Never Let Me Go, but I'm sure you figured it out since my last ask.

☀ (i should stop sending asks from desktop)

heyooo, nice to see you’re back!!!! that’s a very nice way to put it. i can’t even disagree with that. i hope people are giving you just as much back!!!!!

OH WAIT! IS IT OUT ALREADY!? OMG???? i guess i’ll try my best to watch it but i found myself in the heaven’s official blessing hole and idk how to get out. gotta blame mxtx for it, after the untamed and mdzs shenanigans, which i’m still going through *head in hands* and suffering. i hope by next time you make a nice appearance here i started it, so i can say i cried my eyes out too. who doesn’t love a good amount of angst and seeing characters suffer makes me so happy. so maybe that’ll make it up for my love for pain too, nice, very nice.

well, if it’s any consolation my friend, who truly is? so, grab a nice cup of tea or coffe or whatever *unhealthy* beverage you like and let’s cheer for a better sunny day huh ☀️

me? oh well, you know, ✨anxiety✨ but that’s fiiiiiiine. (see what i did there, i’m so dumb and not funny i know, but that’s my humour for you lmao). you have no idea how i laughed when you said i *figured it out*. i did not figured it out because one. i couldn’t remember any show’s name and two. i forgot, my dory’s brain doesn’t retain information for that long. i wish i could say it won’t happen again but it probably will, so don’t take that personally.

[tenpintsofsundrop]

I am literally going to open every single interaction with ‘welcome degenerates’ now omg. I fucking love it!!

as always - Star is a star with the memes and her lovely funny running comentary <333

Star: When I opened this I literally went "what the fuck" under my breath, DUDE ?????

Sunny: I really thought that this was gonna be around 10k, or under 10k. And I am always, always SHOCKED by how easily my fics pick up 2k during editing. Because I could add a sentence here or there or go to make some clarifications/add some details and BAM it picks up an entire 2k during editing. Because it was like 15k before I started editing. Anyway oops (I think the second part is gonna be … longer … )

Star: "the limbs and jaw are missing" just the jaw ? (ik this isn't case centered BUT still)

Sunny: if this WAS case centered I would have described this in a lot more detail. But like I am imagining someone with like - the lower half of their face missing. Like he cut off the jaw and kept it. So their eyes are there, just staring, hauntingly. But they have no jaw. Just upper teeth and eyes. (I have way more details for this case in my head that I feel like I could make an entire fic out of lmao) 

Star: "Is it just cause you think I’m the gross one?” SKSKSLSK

Sunny: I am so used to female characters being girly and dainty and shy, I want a girl character who is GROSS and UNASHAMED and just says whatever the fuck she wants. I was so excited to write this for that reason alone!!!

Star: “The body’s been sittin’ out here in the sun for three hours. I’m not doin’ it.” I feel like many a rock paper scissors battles have happened in the past over who has to touch the dead body

Sunny: They would have done a rock, paper, scissors battle but the local cops were looking and Hotch told them they’re not allowed to make a bad impression 

Star: “God, it’s like a fucking fleshlight in here,” KSKSKSK the imagery I did not need | "Don't you mean flashlight?" oh boy 😋

Sunny: this is the exchange that inspired me to write this entire fic and I am SO PROUD OF IT. I couldn’t get it out of my head and the fic needed to happen 

Star: SKSKKSS MORGAN JUST TRYING TO CARRY ON

Sunny: Yeah because Morgan has witnessed TOO MANY of these conversations, he’s like CAN WE JUST FOCUS. He doesn’t wanna feel Reid’s secondhand embarrassment (he already feels too much secondhand embarrassment from Penelope) 

Star: OMG I COULD "UPDOG" REID !!! HE MAY BE A SUPER GENIUS BUT HE WAS A SENIOR AT 12, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT UPDOG | OR LIGMA !!! And they're such different words that I'm SURE he would fall for both <33

Sunny: Yeah, you absolutely COULD ‘updog’ him. And 1000%, even after you said ‘I don’t know dog, what’s up with you?’ - he would still be confused while everyone else was laughing, and he would need it explained to him. Because he is cute like that. 

Star: "what a ‘blumpkin’ was" ...... what's a blumpkin ...? do I wanna google it? I don't think I do.... I'm googling it ... i didn't even consider that a thing people did... alright KSKSKSK jesus. did I just get updogged ? But a even more terrible 18+ version of it

Sunny: THIS ONE HAS A FUNNY STORY BEHIND IT. I was watching a youtube video the other day (shout out to Santagato Studios if anybody watches it) and they discussed what the exact definition of a ‘blumpkin’ was. Before I heard them talk about it, I thought it was just another slang term for ‘blowjob’. But like I wasn’t fully surprised by this, because I’ve heard of getting ‘Simba’d’ before - so I left this in here without a fully blown explanation of it, thinking that someone else was going to have to look it up on urban dictionary and experience the same ‘oh!’ moment that I did while watching that youtube video. So we both got 18+ updogged by this at one point lmao 

Star: "You had gotten a degree in mortuary science before you became a Profiler" THIS IS SUCH A COOL READER BACKSTORY/DETAIL

Sunny: this is actually the backstory for the y/n character in Burn The Witch (and in that story, y/n is a lot more depressed lmao) but I really liked that aspect of it - because in SVU, they have Melinda, and she puts together a lot of the details by telling them what happened to the body. And to me I always wondered why they didn’t have someone who traveled with the team and did autopsies for them because there is so many details of a profile/killing that comes from how they were killed - and the specific details of the killings that only an ME would pick up on. So it’s probably something I’m gonna sprinkle into a lot of my fics <3 cause I love it (also, I think that those kind of details are fascinating) 

Star: "The two of you played Gin Rummy" new drinking game for all the cool kids out there, take a shot everytime I have to Google something today

Sunny: ANOTHER INTERESTING STORY BEHIND THIS. I know they play a lot of card games on the jet, and it’s my thought process that y/n would refuse to play chess or poker with Reid because he would automatically kick her ass, so I picked a less well known card game so that she would have a chance of winning (even though it’s a really small detail, I put an intense amount of thought into it lmao) 

Star: "The antithesis of a dildo" SKSKSSKS SO THEATRICAL AND DRAMATIC I LOVE THIS LINE

Sunny: I actually tried really hard to have Spencer’s internal monologue really sound like him, so when he’s thinking about sex, he uses the word ‘penis’, and he doesn’t use graphic terms, and when the reader is thinking about sex, she uses ‘cock’ and ‘pussy’. So that’s why it sounds so dramatic in his head lmao 

Star: "Because of his inexperience, it had lasted a whopping three minutes" I mean,,, would you really wanna suck a dick soaked in chlorine for any longer than that?

Sunny: OMG I ACTUALLY DID NOT THINK ABOUT THIS. Because I never go swimming, I did not even think about the fact that the chlorine smell/taste sticks to your skin for so long after you get out of the pool (before you have a shower) - that was one of the details I missed lmao 

Star: "PhD in chemistry" THAT'S WHAT HIS PHD IS ON ???

Sunny: He actually has three PhDs in Mathematics, Chemistry, and Engineering, and two BAs in Psychology and Sociology, and in one of the later seasons of the show he was getting a BA in Philosophy because he was bored. I just picked one of his degrees to name as an example 

Star: 'slipping into something more comfortable’ and then came back in a latex nurse’s outfit and six inch red heels" the concept of a bucket list has never interested me much until now

Sunny: okay but imagine doing this with Spencer and he loses all brainpower in 2 seconds 

Star: "he had chosen instead to simply sit at his desk and reread the same book over and over again because he had wanted to keep you company" well I hope he has an extra 3m14s to spare cause I'm sucking his dic-

Sunny: you could get him in less than two minutes! It’s a challenge now!

Star: "The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot" you know what time it is ! everyone take a shot

Sunny: okay but while I was writing this I was googling ‘T. S. Eliot books’ because I know that’s an author Spencer would probably read but I didn’t know any of his book titles lmao 

Star: "easy to clean" it comes with a comically oversized version of those metal straw brushes/cleaners

Sunny: okay this MADE ME FUCKING SNORT 

Star: "When he dipped two of his fingertips into the opening of the toy" sick and twisted

Sunny: this was literally my FAVORITE part of the fic to write. I loved it SO MUCH

Star: "Spencer nodded vigorously at this. 'Of course. Yeah - yeah. You’re right'" there's very little I wouldn't let him get away with

Sunny: okay he could get away with murder if he said please to me first. But the best part is, he literally just wants to get fucked (like Jason, he just wants boobies) 

Star: "You held back from telling him the true title you desired" 👀 which would be? 👀

Sunny: I said in the A/N that I had a hard time not putting Mommy kink in this. So like ! let him call me Mommy!!!! (like dude… it would be perfect) 

Star: “Come where?” I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS LINE!!!! | ‘Cum’ is the fluid. As in: ‘I want your cum inside of me’.” OUTSOULD WITH THIS LINE OH MY GOD

Sunny: the second part was such a last minute addition and I’m so glad that I did it lmao 

Star: “Will you let me?' Spencer asked nervously, sheepishly" I could never be a  strict Dom with him KSKSKS what he wants he gets, I'm sorry

Sunny: OKAY BUT I TOTALLY AGREE. Like if he asked nicely I would just have to give in (though writing a fic it is fun to make him cry) 

Star: "Again, feeling the devil rise up inside of you" a natural state for me at this point

Sunny: SEE, SEE. you see why it’s fun to be a little bit (or a lot) evil 

Star: "a few thick white spurts even dirtied his glasses when you angled his cock that way" this has forever changed me as a person

Sunny: I had so much fucking fun writing this visual omg 

Star: "That’ll be a lesson for next time" me, who Knows 😈

Sunny: you don’t even know HALF of the evils that I have planned (evil villain laugh emanating in the background) 

Star: “Of course you can, baby.” I'd have SUCH a hard time NOT talking to him like this in public, he would not have a name anymore (honey, baby, angel -> those are his names now)

Sunny: okay but imagine just being 100% professional with him, and then THE SECOND everyone leaves the room, going up behind him while he's putting his little pins on the map (which he always does), groping his ass, and going “you look so good today baby cakes” and just watching him SHORT CIRCUIT for a few moments 

Star: "Your stomach fluttered when he kissed the top of your head before you felt his body relax into the mattress" SOBBING | GOODNIGHT MY SWEET PRINCE 😩💕✨

Sunny: Spencer just wants a girlfriend <3 (and I love him for it) 

Star: I don't think I have to say how much of a banger this was, but I will cause I want to. I just love the BANTER !! i mean obviously I'm also an avid pwp enjoyer but... there's just ✨ something ✨ about getting to see fun banter and multi characters interactions before getting absolutely destroyed

Sunny: aaah thank you so much!!! This really means SO MUCH to me omg 

Star: Sub Spencer is an angel and I love him and I must kiss him. OH YEAH ! We didn't kiss him ;-; like not once ;-; (on the lips I mean) he deserves to be kissed (I'm prepared to make that sacrificed)

Sunny: I’m gonna make their first kiss a big deal and very interesting because Spencer wants a kiss SO BAD and he is gonna get it <3 

Star: Also goes without saying that I really love Reader's personality, like I think it's so much fun when R has a very clear like past and personality/mannerisms even if those completely differ from me (it doesn't really break my immersion) BUT it just so happens we have a very similar sense of humor, so I feel right at home with most (if not all) of Sunny's readers

Sunny: this also really means a lot to me. I really love giving the reader character a distinct personality, because I love each of the reader characters I write to stand out. There is so many “I would not fucking say that” memes, but like dude, nobody is gonna be able to predict YOUR ACTIONS. Just strap in for the ride 

Star: We SHALL TALK ABOUT THE EARTH SHATTERING SMUT IN THIS FANFIC !!! LIKE HELLO ???? I really wanna take all of Spencer's firsts and that's not something I just think about in general

Sunny: you always make me SMILE AND GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET OMG 

Star: Everyone say "Thank you Sunny for this delicious meal" and PAY YOUR FUCKING BILL ! (aka reblog and comment)

Sunny: I love the way you put this omg. I almost wanna put this on the top of my blog like one of those ‘quotes from a reviewer’ that people put on the back of book covers. This is so fucking iconic of you

Lessons For A Genius - Lesson One

Sub!Spencer Reid x Dom!Fem!Reader

Lesson One: Slick Silicone

(aka the one with the pocket pussy)

Summary:

What could a certified genius possibly have to learn from someone like you? Turns out - a hell of a lot. 

And the real ‘teaching’ started when your graphic explanations of slang toward Spencer for the sheer shock value of it turned into something a lot more… hands on. 

Sub!Spencer Reid x (BAU)Dom!Fem!Reader. Co-Workers to Friends with Benefits. Smut. Set during early Season 2.

Word Count: 17,200

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

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Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: A lot of general stuff pertaining to an average Criminal Minds episode - mentions of death, mentions of murder/killing, mentions of possible trauma from being in the BAU, somewhat graphic descriptions of a dismembered corpse; this is not a casefic but there is a small section where Reid, Morgan, and the reader are at a crime scene and details of a case are mentioned (not a case in the canon, one that I made up); the reader sticks her hand inside of a corpse to get something out of it for the purpose of discovering evidence; making inappropriate jokes about dead bodies - the reader character uses dark humour to cope with the trauma of the BAU job; Spencer doesn't understand sexual slang and the reader has to explain it to him (warning for slightly awkward moments because of this?); the reader calls Spencer 'honey' (could be considered condescending); use of Y/N and L/N (meaning Your Last Name); Reid struggling with his sexuality/Reid has some internal biphobia; mentions of anal sex/anal stimulation but it does not take place during the fic; passing mentions of Reid being bullied in school; mentions of past Spencer x Lila Archer (in this fic, she blew him while he was working that case but they didn't keep contact when he left LA); mentions of the reader going to a sex shop; mentions of the reader dressing feminine/wearing lingerie; mention of Spencer being taller than the reader - but I think he would be taller than most people.

This is primarily a smut fic; there is sub/dom dynamics - Reid is submissive and much more inexperienced (he is 'learning' about sex from the reader character, but he is not completely a virgin, he has had one singular sexual experience before); the reader is dominant and much more experienced sexually; the reader has a vagina and uses she/her pronouns; mentions of Reid being 'innocent' (it's more so that sex is an under-researched area of his life and he is too shy to explore it by himself); undertones of corruption kink; use of a sex toy - the reader gifts Spencer a fleshlight/pocket pussy and they use it together; hand kink - the reader admires Spencer's hands; undertones of corruption kink - the reader is enjoying 'corrupting' Spencer and showing him these things for the first time; BDSM/kink negotiations, possibly under-negotiated kink; the reader teaches Spencer BDSM terms.

Everything in this fic is fully consensual and safe for the characters; Spencer calls the reader 'Miss'; mentions of Spencer cumming inside the reader (does not actually happen during the fic); passing mentions of Spencer being insecure (about his sexual skills and his looks); Spencer is very obedient; the reader calls Spencer: 'good boy', 'baby', 'pretty boy', 'dumb baby'; most of this fic is Spencer being fucked with a fleshlight while it's controlled by the reader; heavy praise kink (from the reader toward Spencer); light bondage - Spencer's hands are bound behind his back; edging - orgasm delay/orgasm denial (from the reader toward Spencer); the reader makes Spencer ask permission to cum; some size kink - big dick Spencer is too big to fully fit inside of a fleshlight; Spencer does a lot of begging in this; slight crying kink - the reader thinks Spencer looks pretty when he cries from being overwhelmed/edged a lot; degradation kink, dumbification kink, reader is condescending towards Spencer; some overstimulation toward the end; slight cum kink - Spencer cums all over himself and the reader enjoys it. I believe that's it. There is descriptions of aftercare!

A/N: fair warning - a lot of this fic is build up/sexual tension (my speciality). and there is a long section before the smut where the reader is teaching Spencer BDSM terms and teaching him how to pick a safeword, but I think it's interesting and I enjoyed writing it. and it's worth the pay-off imo. also remember, if you want me to continue this series, please give me some feedback on it! I would love to hear what you thought of this fic before I start writing another one! I highly resisted the urge to put Mommy kink in this, but I feel like it would be unrealistic for a shy Spencer to be comfortable calling his partner Mommy during a first time (he would have a Mommy kink but he would be way too uptight/uncomfortable to admit it).

...

Being an FBI Profiler meant there were some rather… strange parts to your day. 

Things that were once in a lifetime tragedies for other people that had become intensely casual routines for you. Things like - looking at gruesome crime scene photos, seeing a dead body in person, facing down a killer. 

You liked to thank your nihilism and dark sense of humor for keeping you sane, working a job that would have driven others insane in such a short amount of time. You also liked to distance yourself from the darkness of it, and preferred to think of the people you helped, rather than the people you couldn’t. 

Especially during moments like this, when you were exiting the car at yet another crime scene. It was a dump sight for the body of another young woman, adding to the trail of victims this newest killer was challenging the BAU with. 

“Just like all the others… the limbs and jaw are missing. Eyes gouged out. This guy has one hell of a compulsion.” Morgan commented, looking down at the body… or rather, the torso, with intense disdain. 

“I would say it’s less of a compulsion, and more of a fractured sense of reality.” Reid commented. “It’s likely that the UnSub sees these corpses as pieces of art. It’s why he was frustrated when the first four weren’t found soon enough, that they weren’t discovered when they were… ‘fresh’, so to speak. That’s why he started leaving the clues for law enforcement. He wants his ‘art’ to be seen in a timely manner.” 

“Couldn’t the guy just take up painting or something?” You replied, looking at the body, still slightly shocked by how brutal the whole thing was. 

“Looks like we got another one.” Morgan pointed out, crouching down beside the body, motioning toward a large gash between the victim’s ribs. “Another clue, that is.” 

For the last three victims, the UnSub had cut a hole into their torso and left some kind of object inside. Something small that hinted at where the next victim would be found. 

Morgan looked over his shoulder at you, as though waiting for you to make a move. When you turned to Reid, he was looking over the rim of his coffee cup at you with very expectant eyes, the thick lenses of his glasses making his stare all the more imposing. 

You quickly realized that both of the men wanted you to stick your hand inside the corpse and pull out whatever was inside. 

“What?” You chuckled. “You want me to do it? Is it just cause you think I’m the gross one?” 

Your reputation for having a strong stomach preceded you. 

You were shy or squeamish about anything, socially or functionally, and the team often took advantage of this. They would throw you into an interrogation with a suspect who made crude comments and you would end up grossing the man out with even more graphic words. They would have you sifting through a suspect’s trash looking for receipts or pieces of evidence and sometimes you would laugh at the things you found, rather than gagging at the smell. 

It was rare that anyone on the team saw you flinch. 

“The body’s been sittin’ out here in the sun for three hours.” Morgan said, glancing from the corpse up to the bright sky overhead. “I’m not doin’ it.”

You chanced another look at Reid. The small smirk he wore told you that he wouldn’t have to give some lame excuse about how he was squeamish and had just eaten in order for you to truly give in. 

“Ugh, fine.” You said. 

You naturally met Reid’s hand when he came out of his pocket with a blue latex glove for you to wear. You put it on, switching places with Morgan so you could kneel down beside the body. You put your ungloved hand on the ground to support yourself, and then inserted your fingers into the cavity - the hole between the ribs that the UnSub had made. 

Luckily, you didn’t have to reach too far inside before you felt something. Though, because of the slight decomposition of the body and the bloat from the sun beating down, you did have some trouble getting a good grip on the item to pull it out. 

Naturally, your discomfort with the situation caused your dark sense of humor to act up. You needed the comfort and you barely thought about the odd joke before it left your lips. 

“God, it’s like a fucking fleshlight in here,” You groaned, disgusted laced through your voice as you finally hooked your fingers around the object and managed to pull it out of the wound. 

Morgan chuckled at the joke and held out an evidence bag for you (which he had gotten from one of the uniformed officers on the scene). Before any of you could truly analyze the item that you had just pulled out of the body cavity, a voice trampled over your thoughts as you dropped the item into the plastic bag. 

“Don’t you mean flashlight?” Reid piped up, so eager to correct you, as always. “Also, how is that comparable?” 

You looked up at Reid with awe. 

For a moment, you wondered if he was fucking with you. 

But the look of genuine confusion plastered across his features - something so rare for the certified genius. That look made you realize that he genuinely didn’t know what a fleshlight was. He had no idea what you were talking about. 

Your insides tingled with glee at this realization. 

Morgan sighed when he saw the look that you and Reid exchanged. You, wearing filthy, smug dawning and Reid painted entirely with cluelessness. He hated where the exchange was going, knowing how shameless you always were in conversation. He quickly tried to distract from the interaction. 

“So, this looks like a horseshoe-” Morgan said, motionting to the object in the evidence bag. 

“No, I meant fleshlight.” You said, quickly trampling over Morgan’s words. “F-L-E-S-H-L-I-G-H-T. Fleshlight. Do you not know what that means?” 

This caused Morgan to sigh sharply and shake his head. 

You took off the glove with a snap and tossed it away, happy to be rid of the smell. 

You stood back to your full height, entirely intrigued by Reid’s continued confusion. 

“It could represent luck. Maybe a casino?” Morgan tried in vain to distract the two of you from the conversation once again. 

Maybe he was trying to preserve Reid’s naive innocence, something you were determined to dismantle piece by piece because it gave you intense joy to see the shock cross his features whenever you explained outrageous concepts to him. The time you had explained to him what a ‘blumpkin’ was, you hadn’t stopped laughing for hours when he could hardly believe you. 

“The nearest casino is 45.6 miles away, it’s far outside the UnSub’s geographical comfort zone.” Reid said, quickly dismissing Morgan’s thread of conversation before he turned back to you. “And no, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is it a coroner’s term?” 

You let out a harsh snort at this. You had gotten a degree in mortuary science before you became a Profiler (likely something to thank for your strong stomach). But it was your other area of ‘study’ that made you an expert in this. 

“No, honey, it’s not.” You quickly answered. 

There was a slight flash through his features when you called him ‘honey’. You weren’t sure if it was shock or displeasure, but either way he quickly straightened his face and went back to intrigue. He stared at you with his full attention, ready for you to explain it to him. He was ready to learn and catalog the information in that big brain of his.

It was something you found entirely endearing. 

“L/N, please, don’t-” Morgan begged you not to explain it any further, once again wanting to keep Reid in the dark. 

Mostly, he wanted to save himself from the embarrassment of witnessing the interaction between the two of you. 

“What?” You chuckled sharply, turning to Morgan. “There are some things the genius still needs to learn, apparently.” 

Reid rolled his eyes at this. He didn’t want to admit that it was true. 

“The other night I had to explain to him what the distinct difference between a Butt Dial and a Booty Call is,” You continued, giving an example to prove your point. “Because he walked into the bullpen and loudly announced to JJ and Elle that he was sorry that he booty called me at 3am and woke me up.” 

Morgan choked on his laughter when you explained this. 

“Dude, seriously?” He posed, raising a brow at Reid. 

“I fell asleep with my phone in my back pocket when I was reading Voltaire.” Reid explained, a heavy blush falling over his cheeks. “I thought - I thought -” 

“Okay, playboy, I’m gonna go call Hotch about this,” Morgan announced, motioning toward the evidence bag. “And I’m gonna pretend not to hear anything that’s happening over here.” 

Morgan walked off to the car, and Reid turned to you with a defeated look cast over his features. 

“I do appreciate when you explain these kinds of things to me.” He told you softly. “It… it saves me from future embarrassment.” 

As much as you enjoyed the shock factor of watching Spencer’s innocence melt away when you explained such crude things so abruptly - that was also part of your motivation. You knew that as much as he was a genius - had stunning intellect on paper, could recite statistics by heart - he didn’t have the kind of social skills or social knowledge that you did. 

“Do you really wanna know what I was talking about before?” You posed, giving him one last chance to preserve that innocence. 

He nodded, ever thirsty to chase an unanswered question. 

You held back a giggle. 

“A fleshlight is also called a pocket pussy.” You told him, launching into a quick, efficient explanation for his confusion so that he could have his question answered. 

“What?” He gaped, having the most beautifully dumb look on his face as the words left his lips. 

“It’s a sex toy.” You told him. 

His face scrunched even further into bewilderment, and you knew that now he was simply jumping through mental hoops, wondering what kind of sex toy a ‘pocket pussy’ could be. So you decided to make your explanation a bit more detailed. 

“It’s a…” You thought for a moment about how to explain it to someone who had never seen one before. “A kind of tube? Usually in the shape of a large flashlight, and on the inside there’s a silicone vagina, or sometimes a silicone anus, and it’s meant to simulate intercourse the same way that a dildo can simulate intercourse by going into a vagina. Or an anus, of course. You do know what a dildo is, right?” 

Reid quickly nodded his head - that bright flush even fresher on his cheeks as a deep thoughtfulness came over his features. 

“Yeah. Y-yeah. I got it.” He quickly stuttered out, assuring you that he now fully understood. 

“Cool.” You said, walking by him and thumping him on the shoulder for reassurance that the conversation was over. 

“Wait, is that the hand that you - inside? You haven’t washed your hands yet!” 

“I wore a glove, Reid!” 

… 

Turns out the horseshoe had a unique stamping on it from a closed down metalworks business. Four thousand square feet of abandoned building, perfect for the UnSub to make his ‘art’ inside. He had intended for the clue to lead the team to a barn where he had staged the next corpse, but you broke into the building and caught him in the act of drugging another woman before she was killed. 

The state of the building was horrifying - the limbs of the other victims strewn about, a lot of them put on display like trophies. 

Overall, you would call it a good day. There was a life saved. 

On the way back home, Spencer could barely make eye contact with you while on the jet. His eyes constantly flickered away from you with purpose whenever you looked near him. The two of you played Gin Rummy and you had to remind Reid to take his turn several times. There was even one point where he won a hand and you had to tell him so - he claimed that he had ‘forgotten the rules’. As if. 

You couldn’t figure out why he was acting so strangely. You wanted to chalk it up to the harshness of the case, the graphic nature of things - but you both had seen much worse. The ‘fleshlight’ conversation was so minimal on your radar, such a shameless moment for you. It was something you considered so entirely regular as an interaction on the rollercoaster of all things bizarre that was Spencer Reid. You were barely even thinking about it. 

You had no clue that it was racing through his mind at top speed as he remembered your words from earlier that day. 

… 

Spencer couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

He wasn’t sure why it had never occurred to him before. Sure, there were plenty of things he didn’t know, like you said. Plenty of things he was curious about, but far too shy to look up. Plenty of things he didn’t want to get caught looking up out of fear of embarrassment. 

He knew some things about sex toys. He knew far more about the history of sex toys than he did about modern sex toys. He could tell you that Cleopatra had owned one of the first rudimentary vibrators, made from the shell of a hollowed out gourd filled with bees. But if he walked into a sex shop today, he probably wouldn’t know what half the stuff was or what it was used for. 

When he thought about what you had told him, it only made sense. 

Of course there would be some kind of solution, some kind of ‘opposite’ to a silicone penis used to simulate sex inside a vagina. 

(“Or an anus, of course.”) 

Those words flying out of your mouth so casually had sent Reid’s imagination flying into an array of interesting directions. Of course he knew that plenty of men liked to partake in anal stimulation for pleasure. There were no particular statistics about this that came to mind, because it was never something he had directly read a study about. 

It was something Reid had always been curious about, because he did know that prostate stimulation was often considered to be the height of pleasure for men. 

(Spencer’s attraction to men was a can of worms that he would leave untouched and attend to another day. The innate warmth that he felt when he looked at Morgan was something he always felt the need to suppress. Even though it was quite literally impossible for him, he was still trying to forget the involuntary reaction he had when he looked at a gay porn magazine that his classmates had left in his locker as a joke when he was thirteen.) 

For the most part, his mind was hyper-fixating on your explanation of that object he had never even heard of before. The antithesis of a dildo, the supposed inversion of the male genitalia in a more portable form. 

A pocket pussy. 

You talked about it so casually, explained it so perfectly. You spoke about it in such a way that it left Reid’s mind whirring, wondering what such an object could specifically look like. Of course, he knew what a vagina looked like. In theory. 

Yes, he was a virgin. 

He actually wondered if he fit that definition exactly. He knew that most people considered virginity to be a milestone passed once they had participated in full blown intercourse for the first time. But he wondered if what he had done would ‘count’ as losing his virginity. It was something he would have asked you, would have wanted your social colloquial opinion on - if he wasn’t so embarrassed about being a virgin in the first place. (Or maybe being a virgin, he still wasn’t too sure.) 

He had been touched by a woman before, but only once. 

After he and Lila Archer had climbed out of the pool, before the team had arrived, she had kissed him on the mouth again and continued to thank him for his ‘bravery’ and ongoing protection in a very interesting way. And before he could truly process it or stop her (due to the intense unprofessionalism) - his pants were down and her mouth was on him. Because of his inexperience, it had lasted a whopping three minutes. (According to Spencer’s impeccable memory and the fact that he had been glancing between the top of her head and a clock on the wall, worried they would get caught, he knew for a fact that it had been three minutes and fourteen seconds to be exact.) 

Which, at the time, was lucky. Because as she licked off her lips and looked up at him through her lashes, Morgan called out his name through the house, finally looking for them. He had rushed to straighten his clothes and look normal - but because Morgan caught them both looking incredibly guilty, he had hounded Reid for days about the ‘details’. Reid gave him none. 

But that had been his only experience with a woman sexually. His only experience with anybody, for that matter. So any of his knowledge about vaginas was based entirely on pictures; scientific diagrams, and renaissance art. He was never gutsy enough to buy porn for himself. 

He tried to imagine what a silicone vagina would look like - how one would fit molded into a plastic tube. He tried to imagine how it would feel to stick his penis into one. 

Of course, he had plenty of experience with masturbation. 

His instincts had taken over at the right age for that. Even though his brain was always advanced well beyond his years, puberty kicked in just the same. He had been a hormonal teenager just like everyone else. (Of course, he was the only one going to CalTech getting a PhD in chemistry, but he was right on track in terms of his physical development.) 

And naturally, his imagination often ran away with him whenever he had the time alone to masturbate now that he was an adult. 

One of the things he thought about most often when he masturbated was you. 

The fact that you were so self-assured, so confident, the fact that nothing could shake you. It always made Spencer imagine you pinning him down, taking control of him, kissing him hard. He had orgasmed in his hand a great many nights, imagining you on top of him - imagining what you might feel like around him, on top of him, riding him. 

He found it intensely difficult to pay attention to Gin Rummy when all of these thoughts were running through his mind. 

… 

You barely remembered the fleshlight conversation at all. Barely remembered it, that is, until you were on your way to work the next morning. 

There was a small fender bender between two cars on your normal route and the traffic build-up around it caused you to deviate. Because of that, you just happened to drive by your favorite sex shop. The sign caught your eye, and you figured: you were already late. There was a great coffee place across the street. You could grab yourself a latte if you parked. 

You were surprised that a sex shop would be open so early in the morning, but you were glad that you made the stop. Usually, you would have taken your time to browse. You liked to see what was new, especially in terms of costumes and lingerie. 

You didn’t have a long term partner to impress, but sometimes you did like to strut around the house in lingerie (in your fleeting free time away from the BAU) just to make yourself feel good. That, and it was always fun to see the look on a date’s face when you gave the sensual promise of ‘slipping into something more comfortable’ and then came back in a latex nurse’s outfit and six inch red heels. 

Unfortunately, today you were low on time and very set on what you wanted. 

You went straight to the wall of toys and zoned in on the selection of fleshlights. You picked out the most ‘basic’ one you could find. You didn’t want to assume Spencer’s preferences, but you picked one that resembled a pussy rather than an ass. 

It was on the expensive side, but you knew the look on Spencer’s face when you gave it to him would more than pay it off in your mind. That and imagining him using it, knowing that it would be far too tempting of a gift. He would never be brave enough to buy something like this for himself and once it was in his hands when he was alone, he would be far too curious not to use it - yeah, it was definitely worth it. 

You walked past a rack of lube on your way to the cash register and realized that it would be rude to give this kind of gift without a bottle of lube in accompaniment. So you bought a bottle of your favorite water based lubricant. An unscented one, knowing that Spencer was a no-frills kind of guy, even though you usually bought a strawberry scented one for yourself. 

You got the items put in a discreet, labelless black bag and then got yourself a latte. And you couldn’t help but to grab an almond croissant for Spencer because when you spotted it in the pantry case, you did think of him. 

Of course, when you walked into the office (the black bag safely in the backseat of your car) Hotch just happened to be walking by with a handful of files on the way to his office. 

“You’re late.” He commented, not looking up from the paper he was reading. 

“Traffic was hell.” You fired back. 

“Yeah, and I’m sure that latte just magically transported into your hand.” He said, his tone blank and unreadable as usual. “I want all your reports about the case on my desk by tonight.” 

Usually, there was a grace period of two or three days to get the reports about a case done. But clearly, Hotch didn’t like your tardiness. You considered it worth it. 

“Yes sir.” You mumbled under your breath. 

He didn’t say anything else after that, simply retreated off to his office. 

You figured he couldn’t be that mad. He knew the job could be an emotional strain, and it was okay to deviate from such a hard routine every now and then. Especially because now you were going to be spending the next five hours writing out all the gory details of how you had pulled a horseshoe out of a woman’s dead torso in order to catch a killer. 

You walked over to your desk, which was right in front of Reid’s, and placed down the paper bag with the croissant on top of one of his files. This easily distracted him from whatever he had been writing - most likely one of his reports about the case. 

“Almond croissant,” You said, placing down your coffee cup and placing your purse underneath your desk. “Your favorite, right?” 

“It is.” He grinned at you. “Thank you.” 

It was that sweet little smile, those big kind eyes staring up at you through the lenses of his glasses like you hung the stars in the sky - it was that bit of sweetness that got you through writing your reports. So yeah, it probably wasn’t just dark humor and nihilism that helped you keep your sanity. It had a lot to do with the pretty boy you got to sit across from every single day. 

You worked on your reports. And yeah, you took too many coffee breaks, including a long lunch break with Elle, Penelope, and JJ where they insisted on discussing your ‘crush’ on Spencer. 

You denied it. 

Elle profiled your lie (which you insisted was not a lie) and JJ laughed about it. Penelope started humming wedding music under her breath and you threatened to spit in her salad. 

By the time you actually got the reports done, it was late. Everyone else had gone home - except for Spencer, who was still sitting at his desk across from you with his lamp on and an air of quiet concentration. When you got finished with the last report, you slammed the file closed and let out a sigh, leaning back in your chair and running your hands harshly over your face. 

“Finally done?” Spencer’s delicate voice inquired, peeking up over the median between the desks to look at you. 

“Yes, finally.” You grinned back at him. “You done too?” 

You couldn’t help but to ask. Spencer was always incredibly quick with his reports, simply by the nature of the speed at which he could read and compose writing. You wondered what exactly he had been doing at his desk for the past few hours. Perhaps he had been looking through old case files, possibly unsolved ones, thinking up new leads while there was no pressure looming over his brilliant mind. 

“I finished up at three o’clock.” He said. 

You glanced at your watch - it was getting close to nine. That made you entirely curious about what he had been doing, sitting at his desk for that many hours. What had he felt the need to stay so late for? 

“So what has been keeping you busy this late into the night, Doctor?” You asked. 

“I was reading.” He told you honestly, motioning toward a thick novel that he had in his hands. 

“How many books do you have over there?” You chuckled. 

Again, you knew that because of the intense speed he was capable of reading at, it would take a lot of books to keep him busy. 

“Just one.” He answered, easily catching your eye and maintaining eye contact. 

Both of you knew what this meant. 

For a while, he had been rereading through old case files. But, not wanting to haunt himself with those gory details, he had chosen instead to simply sit at his desk and reread the same book over and over again because he had wanted to keep you company. 

What you didn’t know was that his mind had still been heavily plagued by thoughts of your sex toy discussion from the other day, so he wasn’t exactly reading at lightning speed as per usual. Instead - letting his imagination wander, thinking about where he would get a silicone vagina if he wanted to buy one and if a toy would feel as good as yours. What yours would feel like around his penis if he ever got the minuscule chance to actually experience it. 

“The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot - but um, I was waiting for you, actually.” Spencer announced, making his intentions entirely clear, just in case you hadn’t already figured it out. “I was hoping maybe we could get dinner together? We haven’t - we haven’t hung out in a while.” 

He seemed nervous asking you this, even though you were always enthusiastic in welcoming his invitations to spend time together outside of work. 

Last month, he had brought you to a conservatory housing and actively breeding endangered species of butterflies in order to save the populations from extinction. It was a building full of plant life, an indoor jungle filled with the beautiful insects that took your breath away. Listening to him ramble on about the different species and their latin names, the patterns on their wings and their purpose of camouflage - it had been one of the most pleasant, most romantic non-dates of your life. 

You didn’t understand why others on the team acted like his presence, especially his ramblings, could be a bother. 

“Sounds good.” You told him with a smile. 

He smiled back at you fondly. 

“I have to drop these on Hotch’s desk and then we can go.” You explained as you stood up and began gathering your files. “But uh, I don’t really feel like going out? I’m way more in the mood for take-out and a comfy couch.” 

“There’s a good Chinese place a few minutes away from my apartment.” He told you. “If you consider my couch comfortable?” 

You resisted the urge to tell him that you loved his apartment because the smell of books penetrated every inch of it; the scent of yellowing, worn paper living there like the comfort of a library. But you held that back - choosing instead to say something else. 

“The comfiest,” You grinned at him as you walked by with the armful of files. 

… 

You weren’t entirely sure when you were going to give the ‘gifts’ to Spencer. 

A large part of you thought that it would be best to have an out, in case he got embarrassed, or hated it. Most likely, you would wait until after dinner and hand him the bag on your way out without telling him what it was. Which was why you shoved the black plastic bag holding the lube and the sex toy into your oversized purse while Spencer was distracted with carrying the takeout bag toward his apartment. 

One thing that had not surprised you about Spencer when you found it out: he didn’t have basic cable. Part of you was surprised that someone who was so pro-book and anti-technology even had a TV at all. But apparently he had some favorites that he couldn’t stand to miss out on, like Doctor Who and Star Wars. So he had a DVD player hooked up to a very small TV that was banished off to a corner of his living room. A device that was dwarfed by bookcases, which did make a lot of sense. 

He said that he spent so much time reading and away at work, traveling for cases that it just didn’t make sense to pay for cable. He said that he could get his mental enrichment from reading, and his nerdy pleasure from rewatching his old favorites, and apparently he got the news from listening to the radio. The radio. Sometimes you wondered if he was Benjamin Button - an old man who had somehow gotten into the body of a twenty five year old. It truly mystified you. 

Either way, it meant that you spent dinner with season three of Friends on as background noise. Friends being a box set of DVDs that you had gifted him because you considered it to be classic television that he needed to see. The first time he had asked Morgan to his face if a girl had ‘friendzoned’ him with full confidence in what the term meant, you knew that Spencer had been watching it in his free time. 

You easily fell into the comfort of your surroundings, enjoying the comforting canned laughter of the show, paired with the delightfully greasy food and Spencer’s ongoing commentary - both about the show, and about other, completely unrelated things. You were so relaxed that you had almost completely forgotten about the gift you had waiting in your bag for him. 

It was such a strange coincidence that he had been the one to bring it up. 

He offered to take your plate into the kitchen, leaving behind a waft of soy sauce as he went. You were wonderfully full and reached to the small side table where you were nursing a half empty (now warm) diet coke. You took a few sips from it, and heard Spencer’s footsteps shuffling back into the room. He hovered behind you as you watched Monica rush out of her bedroom with her phone pressed to her chest, concerned about calling Richard. 

You were so focused on the show that you almost didn’t hear Spencer’s shy, tentative voice when he spoke. 

“I’m sorry about the other day.” He said quietly. 

“Hmm?” You looked over your shoulder at him, wondering what he meant. 

He was rather nervously fidgeting with his hands, standing in the white glow of the TV in the dimly lit room - the only other source of light being a small lamp on the side table and dimness of the light above the stove shining in from the kitchen at his back. 

You grabbed up the remote and paused the show, silencing the characters and their temporary problems in order to address the stress that Spencer was very clearly feeling - his whole body tight, hunched over, his face quite tight with worry. 

“I’m sorry about the other day.” He repeated himself, slightly louder this time - perhaps not more confident, but simply not drowned out by any further noise. 

You didn’t want to butt in, and gave him the room to explain himself slowly. 

“I - I didn’t mean to put you in such an… uncomfortable position. If I don’t understand the things you say, I should just pull you aside and ask you privately what you meant.” He sighed. “I - I know that I need to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes. It’s something I’m working on.” 

You became flooded with peril at this. Had he really thought that he had inconvenienced you? Put you in an ‘uncomfortable’ position? 

“Come sit down.” You told him, beginning to feel annoyed with craning your neck back to get a proper look at him. 

Like a dog being beckoned, he couldn’t help but to follow your order. 

He sunk down against the other arm of the three seater couch, leaving quite a bit of space between the two of you. He had his arms folded - closed off, clearly nervous. His eyes were focused on the leg of his pants, distinctly refusing to look at you. Perhaps he was afraid he would find disgust or disappointment among your features. You turned off the TV completely then and angled your body to face him before you continued speaking. 

“First of all, you don’t need to learn to keep your mouth shut.” You told him easily. “I’m not sure who, or what gave you that impression, but it’s not true. Whenever you open your mouth, something brilliant comes out, and we’re all better for it.” 

Reid’s lips flexed into a smile at the intense direct praise, and this made you happy. 

“Second, you didn’t make me uncomfortable the other day.” You told him honestly. “I meant what I said - despite you being a genius, there are still some things you need to learn. And I’m more than happy to teach you.” 

These words sent a shiver down Spencer’s spine. 

There were so many things that he would beg for you to teach him if given the chance. But he didn’t want to embarrass himself. And most importantly, he didn’t want to come off as creepy or desperate toward someone as perfect as you. 

When he dared to glance up at you, you were boldly staring him down. You wore a small smirk across your face. Heat began to stir in Spencer’s gut, and he couldn’t help but to wonder if you were thinking the exact same things that he was. 

You couldn’t be. You couldn’t possibly want someone like him. You couldn’t possibly want a nervous, inexperienced ‘virgin’ like him. 

Oh, but you did. 

You were thinking all of the same things that he was. You were imagining giving him the most intricate ‘hands on’ lessons for everything he had ever been curious about. Giving him the most close-up, detailed tour of the female anatomy he ever could have asked for. 

“Spencer,” You called out his name gently. 

This forced his attention up from fiddling with a loose thread on the edge of the couch cushion - clearly something out of nervousness - and got him to look at your face. You wondered how someone who was six feet tall could look so delicately small, purposefully slumped over in his seat like that. You wondered what his pretty features would look like warped by an orgasm. 

“What are you thinking about right now?” You asked him. You had to know if he was truly on the same filthy wavelength as you. 

He knew he had to make up a lie. Because he wouldn’t be brave enough to speak the words out loud. He was too shy to actually tell you that he was wondering what it would be like to bury his face between your breasts, that he wanted to drown there. 

“You… you did get me curious.” Spencer admitted quietly. “About the… the - uh-” 

He trailed off, clearly too nervous to say the word for himself now that he knew the filthy implications behind it. 

“About the fleshlight?” You finished the sentence for him, wanting to encourage him. 

You wanted to make him feel brave about the topic. You were too curious about where this interaction was heading - you couldn’t bear to have him get shy on you now. 

“Yeah.” He nodded, nervously clearing his throat. 

He went back to fidgeting with the edge of the couch cushion, once again purposefully looking anywhere but at your face. You stared him down with purpose, all too intrigued by whatever might come out of his mouth next. Especially with the tense, thoughtful expression dipped along his eyebrows - the same one he got when he was reading or staring at maps. 

“I was thinking - I was curious - curious about - about where someone might get one of those.” He finally announced. 

He put intense stress on the word ‘where’ - his voice low, almost a lulling whisper in the already quiet apartment. He was speaking as though he was asking you about something incredibly illicit. Like a college kid asking where he could buy weed or a lonely man in his thirties inquiring about a prostitute. Though sex toys were perfectly legal, you guessed that for someone like Spencer, this was just as trepidacious. 

You felt a sense of eager giddiness stir within you. You resisted the urge to bounce on the spot like an excitable, hyper kid on their birthday waiting to open their present. Even though he wasn’t looking at your face, you forced yourself to hold back a grin. 

You didn’t want to ruin the surprise, after all. It was just too perfect. 

“Well… lucky for you, Doctor Reid,” You told him, easily capturing his attention with the use of his proper title and the fact that you shifted slightly in your seat, reaching down by your feet to grab your bag. “I happen to have a spare one right here.” 

Spencer watched you cautiously, his neck still sloped with anxious shyness. He almost had to believe that this was a prank, and you would pull a tape recorder out of your bag and laugh because you had captured his perversion for everyone to know about. 

But of course - you weren’t that cruel. You were honest, and you were definitely not half as shy as he was. In fact, he would go so far as to say that you didn’t have a bashful bone in your body. 

So of course, it made sense that it was not a big deal for you to walk into one of those stores and simply purchase that kind of toy. 

Spencer watched eagerly as you pulled out a cardboard box. He heard the rustle of plastic inside your bag and guessed that it was a shopping bag. But he couldn’t be too focused on that once your arm extended out to him, showing him what the rectangular box was. 

Spencer had never seen a sex toy in person before, but he quickly realized that they were packaged similarly to any other product. A clean, white background with a picture of the product on it, several claims and promises (‘new and improved design!’) (‘easy to clean!’) (‘soft and durable!’) - and a picture of someone smiling on the front, unconsciously promising a good user experience. In this case, it was a stereotypically beautiful woman in lingerie holding the… item, as though it were comparable… to her… to her parts. 

“Open it.” You encouraged him, wagging the box in his direction. “Unless you don’t want it. I could return it.” 

It was then that Spencer realized he had been sitting with his hands numbly in his lap for several silent moments, staring at the box in your extended hand. 

“Oh!” He said quietly. “No! I mean - yes. I - um.” Rather than trying to articulate it, he reached out and grabbed the item, finding it surprisingly heavy. It easily compared to the weight of a good book in his hands. “Thank you.” 

You would be lying if you said that watching him inspect the sex toy as though it were an object from an alien planet wasn’t the hottest thing you had seen in your entire life. Doctor Reid approached this the same way that he approached everything else in life: with intense scrutiny. Clearly his analytical mind was working hard as he carefully peeled back the cardboard flap of the box and slid out his prize. 

You had to wonder if that mind of his ever shut off. 

You wondered if you could make him dumb and cum drunk, make his head completely empty. You wondered what he would look like mindlessly chasing an orgasm, begging for release with absolutely no statistics or scientific papers running around inside that big brain of his. You wanted to see him completely worn down, just his base instincts at play. You wanted to see him with just the need to fuck and cum and have his release pounding between his ears as he whined desperately for more. 

There was a sharp pain between your legs, intense arousal at the thought of it. 

That arousal only increased when Spencer dropped the box in his lap and then - like man walking on the moon for the first time - he held the toy delicately in one hand and popped the cap off with the other. Clearly, it was a big discovery for him. Watching his eyes widen with shock did bring you an intense joy. It also immediately made you wonder if seeing the silicone pussy was his first time seeing a pussy so up close and personal at all. That thought only made your own cunt throb with need. 

What he did next nearly sent you into orbit. 

He gently placed the cap down on his lap, and without looking at you, his thoughtful eyes still entirely focused on the fake pussy - he reached toward it and oh-so-gently stroked his fingers across it. From your perspective, with the angle he was holding it at, you had a perfect view of his gorgeous hand delicately exploring the toy. Your cunt fluttered, clenching around nothing, and you knew that at this point you were definitely sitting in soaked underwear. If you didn’t know Spencer any better, you would have guessed that he was doing this on purpose, to tease you. 

But that’s what made it so perfect - he was just naive, just exploring these things for the first time. 

When he dipped two of his fingertips into the opening of the toy, you had to consciously hold back a moan. It was almost too hot watching his strong, thick fingers get swallowed up by the soft entrance of the toy. Of course, imagining how those fingers would feel dipping into your pussy with such tender grace. 

“Wow.” Spencer said quietly, almost a gasp under his breath as he pulled his fingers back, in pure awe at this new discovery. “I didn’t expect it to be so soft.”

“It’ll feel even better when it’s wet.” 

The words came so naturally from your lips, you couldn’t have stopped them if you tried. 

Spencer looked up at you with a distinct pinkness spreading over his cheeks, clearly imagining that tight, soft wetness wrapped around his cock. 

You dared to take a glance downward and surely enough - beside where the empty box was sitting in his lap, a bulge was forming in his slacks, pressing harshly against the zipper. You deeply resisted the urge to reach over and grope that bulge, not wanting to scare him by coming on too strong. Instead, you put that grabby hand back into your purse to get the other thing you had to give to him. 

“Another lesson for the genius,” You announced, extending out the bottle of lube for him to see it. This time he was quicker to grab it, bringing it up to his face to inspect it with thoughtful eyes. “Water based lubricant is best. It’s water soluble, so it’s easy to clean up. And unlike other kinds, it won’t wear down the silicone of the toy over time or wear through the latex of condoms.” 

You bringing up condoms caused a jolt in Spencer’s chest. Were you just giving him some friendly advice about safe sex or - or did you actually intend to have intercourse with him? Would there be a need for condoms between the two of you in the future? 

The words gave him a temporary bold streak (that and the sexual adrenaline pumping through his system) and he decided to voice his thoughts before he became too shy. 

“Can I ask you something?” He asked quietly, his voice taking on that sweet, mousy quality that it usually did whenever he got nervous. 

“Of course.” You nodded. 

You thought that he might have more questions about the lube or the toy. But what he said next - combined with the fact that he looked at you shyly through his lashes like a doll, like he knew exactly what he was doing - absolutely knocked the wind out of you. 

“You… You said that you like teaching me things. So - do you think-?” 

He paused for a moment, clearing his throat. 

“Could - could you give me a demonstration?” He asked, his voice still shy and sweet. 

Your lips gaped in shock - at first you thought you had misheard him. And when the words fully penetrated your ears, you thought that you had somehow misunderstood him. He couldn’t possibly mean-? He wanted you to use the toy on him? 

You were shocked that Spencer Reid was openly asking for something like that. 

Seeing the shock and slight confusion across your features, Spencer’s mouth raced past his better judgment. His lips plowed over that thing in the back of his brain nagging at him to shut up - and he kept on going. 

“It only seems logical that, when tackling something new, especially something this… skill-based, I would need to be shown what to do.” He explained, his mouth running off in that way it always did when he sounded far too much like he knew what he was talking about. “It seems advisable to be shown by someone with more experience. Experience that I don’t have. I need you to show me. Please.” 

The last word came out as a breathy plea from him. You could have easily gotten stuck on the fact that he had basically just admitted to you that he was a virgin. But instead, him simply saying that word: ‘please’, begging to you like your attention was the most precious thing in the world; it kickstarted something in your brain and switched on the dominant persona that you had always wanted to use with him. 

The air shifted in the room then, and you both knew it. It was like a fire crackling around you. Spencer didn’t know what to do with it, but luckily, you did. He waited with anxious breath for your guidance, your instruction. 

“You need me to show you?” You repeated his words, using the buttery sweet voice that you usually did when you had someone so willing and pliant for you. 

Instinctively, you reached over to him and gently cupped his cheek. He easily leaned into the touch, shuddering with delight and letting out a small sigh as you made contact with his skin for the first time. It was the first time you had really touched him, aside from casual hugs of comfort after stressful situations that the job naturally gave the two of you. But this was entirely different. 

He hummed in affirmation to answer your question, his eyes growing large with lust, pupils blown out as he melted into you. 

“What do you want me to show you, pretty boy?” You asked, running your thumb along his bottom lip, admiring how absolutely pink his mouth was. 

You hoped that you could prompt a genuine answer out of him - get him to say the words. You had never heard Spencer talk about anything crude before, and you wondered if he was even capable of talking dirty. You hoped that if he wouldn’t say the words on his own, you could coach him into doing it. You could only imagine the satisfaction of getting that smart mouth to utter such filthy things. 

“I want…” Spencer swallowed harshly, clearly having a difficult time with his mouth drying out now that you had a hand on him, even though the touch was fairly ‘innocent’. “I want you to show me… everything.”

The intense emphasis that he put on the word sent sparks flying inside of you. 

It sounded like he wanted a lot more than just a ‘demonstration’ of the toy. It sounded like he wanted a lot more than just a one night stand to get off. 

Intense want flared up of you. 

The temptation to own him, to make him yours… the temptation to take all of his first and have him tied to you like a lost puppy because of it - it was an intense one. But you wouldn’t hurt him, no. You would do it right. You would own him in that way because he wanted it just as badly as you did. 

“Spencer,” 

You said his name suddenly, harconing for his attention with it. You stroked your thumb along his cheek before you pulled the touch away completely. His head bobbed forward slightly to chase your hand, but he let you go without protest. 

“If we’re going to do this, there has to be rules.” You told him firmly. “If I’m going to be your teacher, you have to listen to me. Teachers need rules, right?” 

Spencer nodded vigorously at this. 

“Of course. Yeah - yeah. You’re right.” He eagerly agreed. Then of course, he asked the obvious question. “What are the rules?” 

You beamed a smile at him, loving his enthusiasm. 

You knew that he would be a good boy. He was so eager to follow rules, to learn. Your body began tingling with delight at the thought of him looking up at you with hazy eyes, asking for his next command. 

You had to forcibly clear your head. Right now you had to be level headed in order to teach him the rules. 

“Okay the first rule - the most important one,” You prefaced, causing Spencer to straighten up slightly, showing his attentiveness, an eager student ready to learn. “Is that you need to pick a safeword. A word you can say during the scene so that I can know if you’re uncomfortable or if you need to stop.” 

“‘The scene’?” Spencer asked, repeating back the phrase to you. “Also - why can’t the safeword just be ‘stop’, or ‘no’? Wouldn’t you just stop things if I said ‘no’?” 

You decided to tackle his questions one at a time. 

“Calling it a ‘scene’ - it’s lingo.” You said. “You know that everything comes with its own set of linguistics.” You told him, playing into his pre-existing knowledge. He nodded at this. 

You then continued your explanation. 

“A ‘scene’ means… any type of sexual play. Some people call it ‘playtime’. It’s lingo that exists because for a lot of people, sex is much more than just intercourse. It can start with speech and behavior and any interactions that they have with their partner when they’re alone. Like foreplay. So a safeword needs to be included in those moments too, in case someone needs to call timeout.” 

Spencer nodded at this. It made him wish that he had developed a safeword with Lila Archer. Not because he hadn’t enjoyed the oral sex - but because to this day, he still shuddered at the possibility of being embarrassed by someone walking in on them, or the consequences if someone found out about the improprieties of it all. 

“As far as the safeword being ‘no’, or ‘stop’...” You took the time to find the right words to explain it. 

Spencer waited patiently, feeling curious about this. 

“I will always look out for your safety, and if you seem uncomfortable, I’ll ask you if you’re okay.” You assured him, giving him a gentle pat on the knee. Spencer smiled at this, and you enjoyed that you had comforted him with these words. 

“But sometimes ‘no’ doesn’t work.” You went on to explain. “Like… if I asked you something like ‘do you want me to stop?’ and you say ‘no’, that is a positive affirmation to continue what I’m doing, but it uses a negative word. Same thing with the word ‘stop’. If you told me ‘don’t stop’ - but your voice was too quiet on the first word or I didn’t properly hear you, then I may stop when you wouldn’t want me to.” 

For the first time, Spencer felt as though he was the one being schooled. 

You telling him ‘I may stop when you don’t want me to’ had him drawing an image up in his head of you vigorously riding him, taunting him while you were so well composed and he was reduced to a stuttering mess because of your wetness clenching around him. With you mistaking his words for a signal of distress, and taking away your beautiful body before he got to orgasm. It would be tragic. 

He easily understood what you meant. 

“The point of a safeword,” You continued on. “Is that it stands out. It’s a word you would never otherwise say during playtime. A word that would never come up during sex - except for you signaling your discomfort. So when I hear that word, I know that we need to shift gears into aftercare.” 

“What’s aftercare?” Spencer asked, eager to learn another new term as it was introduced to him. 

Again, you were puzzled about how to explain it, how to put it into words for someone who had no clue what the word meant. 

These were things you had known about for years, words that were a natural part of your vocabulary now. Things you had been doing before you even knew the terms for it. It was strange having to explain it to someone so fresh. 

“It - um…” You thought for a moment. “Aftercare is what happens after a scene. It’s the period of time when you mentally and physically wind down, in order to take care of your body and mind. Because of the physical exertion and the endorphins, sex can be exhausting and mentally tedious, as much as it is fun. So - aftercare helps transition the body and mind back into non-sexual activities. Different people need different kinds of aftercare, but usually it’s things like: drinking water, eating a snack, cuddling, words of affirmation.” 

“That sounds nice.” Spencer said quietly. “Would you do that for me even - even though I’m not your boyfriend?” 

You held back what you instinctively wanted to say - that you wanted him to be your boyfriend. That you wanted to own him like a cute little pet and didn’t want any other woman (or man) to touch him. 

Instead, you went with the diplomatic answer. 

“Of course I would.” You told him. “Aftercare is part of being a good - a good teacher.” 

You quickly cut yourself off from using the word ‘dominant’ and replaced it with ‘teacher’ instead. You didn’t want to scare him with the idea that you would be intimidating, mean, cold - traditional ideas behind the term ‘dominant’. 

“I want to be good to you, Spence.” You quickly added on. 

His cock throbbed inside of his pants at this. 

“So, you have to pick your safeword.” You told him. “Something that stands out, something that will easily come to your mind.” 

Spencer took a moment, and you saw him take a sideways glance at the coffee table. The chess set that was there caught his eye, and that didn’t surprise you. 

“Bishop?” Spencer posed, looking at you with eyes that said he was absolutely searching for your approval. “Is that good?” 

“Yes, baby, that’s perfect.” You told him. 

If you did your job well enough as a dominant, then he wouldn’t need to use the word. 

You would be able to tell just by his body language and him voicing his enjoyment how far you should take things. And when he was comfortable enough, you would discuss other sexual acts, and what else you should try. Though, for tonight, you had a feeling you should take control without telling him too much of what you wanted to do. You didn’t need him getting shy on you just because of some dirty talk. 

“You said that was only the first rule,” Spencer mentioned, remembering what you had said. “What are the other rules?” 

“Well, the second rule is: you listen to me. You listen to everything I say. You do everything I say. You don’t question me.” You told him firmly. “Because I’m the teacher, I’m in charge.” 

Spencer wanted to question you then. He wanted to point out that this sounded like multiple rules, but the way you said ‘I’m in charge’ caused something inside of him to quake, and he easily fell under your authority. 

He nodded. 

“The next rule is: you speak when spoken to, Spencer.” You told him, your tongue sharp on the words. 

You were heavily enjoying ordering him around now. 

These were two roles that the two of you fell so naturally into: he was soft and submissive under your dominant energy, and he only wanted more as your ego thrived off his eager submission. It was the start of a beautiful relationship forming. 

“Yes.” He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” The title came flying out of his mouth before he could stop it, and then he instantly wanted to backpedal. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, I like that.” You told him with a grin. “Though, if you want to give me a title, call me Miss.” 

You held back from telling him the true title you desired. Again, not wanting to scare him away. Perhaps it was something you could ween him towards on another day. 

“Yes, Miss.” He corrected, nodding. “Uh - Miss? Is - is there anything else?” 

“Only two more things.” You told him. Of course, you didn’t want to overload him, but you wanted him to know your most important rules up front. He looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to explain. “You can’t touch me without asking first. And of course, you can’t touch me unless I give you permission.” 

This news cast the saddest puppy look across his features. Clearly, he was deeply disappointed by the thought that he wouldn’t be able to grope and grab at your body freely. He was upset by the thought that you would deny him access to touching you. You could definitely use that if he ever misbehaved. 

“And the last thing is: you can’t cum without my permission.” You told him, almost as if it were an afterthought. With any of your other partners, it would have been. Because it would have been a basic ground rule. 

“Come where?” Spencer asked, his brows knit together in the most adorably confused manner you had seen yet. 

Of course, he was confused. He had never before heard someone use the term ‘cum’ to refer to an orgasm. He was used to hearing that word - ‘come’ - paired with something else like ‘come here’. So he wondered what the hell you possibly meant by it. 

You found yourself grinning like the cat who ate the canary as you realized that you would also have to explain this piece of slang to him. 

“No, Spence, not C-O-M-E, like the verb. It’s C-U-M. It’s slang used interchangeably with the word ‘orgasm’.” You explained to him. “Sometimes it can be a verb. Like the act of cumming, it means orgasming. Or sometimes it’s a noun. Sometimes people use the word ‘cum’ instead of saying semen. ‘Cum’ is the fluid. As in: ‘I want your cum inside of me’.” 

You intentionally teased him with this example, saying it as casually as a straight forward grammar lesson, looking him in the eyes the entire time. His eyes lit up at your words - obviously, he had no clue that such a simple sentence could turn him on so much. But the words immediately painted a picture in his mind of that white, sticky fluid dripping down your inner thighs, put there by him. It was so perfect that it almost made him dizzy. 

When Spencer didn’t say anything, you continued with your ‘lesson’. 

“When I said that you can’t cum without my permission, I meant that you can’t have an orgasm unless I say so.” You told him with finality.  

He looked struck with worry at this. Partially at the idea that he wouldn’t get to have an orgasm if you didn’t give him permission, and partially at the thought that if he accidentally orgasmed without your permission, you would be angry with him and cut off all further sexual contact. 

“What’s wrong, Spence?” You had to ask. 

“How - how does that work?” He asked, all too curious at how he could stop himself from orgasming or how he could get your permission first. 

“Well, you know what it feels like when you’re about to have an orgasm, right?” You asked, really hoping that he at least masturbated regularly. You didn’t think you could have the burden of giving him his first ever orgasm. He nodded and this and you felt a small breath of relief leave you. “So, when you feel like that, you simply ask me if you’re allowed to cum. Ask me if you can cum.” 

“Will you let me?” Spencer asked nervously, sheepishly. You distinctly noticed how he avoided the word. He didn’t say the sentence as you had. You yearned to hear him say ‘will you let me cum?’ - but you knew you had to give him time to shake off his shyness. 

“If you’ve been a good boy, then yes.” You told him. “Good boys follow the rules. But I don’t think you’ll have any problems, Spence.” 

You saw him relax at this - any tension leaving his muscles. 

You conveniently left out the part where you might edge him, might not let him cum just for your own amusement. 

“I think that’s all for now.” You told him. “Now that we have the rules set - do you wanna play with your new toy?” 

Spencer’s face absolutely lit up at this. 

“Yes, please.” He said, his voice somehow still shy and quiet. “Yes, please, Miss.” 

Your stomach jolted with intense pleasure at his declaration. 

Spencer thought that you would simply grab the toy from him and unzip his pants. He was surprised when you stood up, and began looking around the room as though you were looking for something. But in alignment with the rules, he didn’t question you. He didn’t ask what you were looking for or why. Instead, he just sat there quietly and waited for your instructions. 

When you seemed satisfied with your idea, you then began moving around. You leaned down and pushed away the coffee table, pushing it as far back as it would go. This made a fair amount of space in front of the couch. And before Spencer could become truly curious about it, you turned to the side of the room - toward a space where he had a small table. 

It was meant to be a sort of ‘dining’ table, suitable for one or two people in an apartment like his. It had two chairs, but one of the chairs was piled up with books and the surface of the table had some files on it that he had taken home from work. He did sit on the other chair to eat occasionally - during the rare times he actually sat down and had a meal at home. 

You grabbed the empty chair - which was a wooden chair with a round back and decorative wooden bars coming off the seat, holding the back of it up. (Something Spencer had picked up at a yard sale.) And then you put the chair in the middle of the room, right in the space you had cleared from moving the coffee table. The chair was facing the couch - and it became apparent to Spencer then that this was a stage. 

You were either going to sit in that chair and watch him, or he was going to be the thing on display in the middle of the room. The idea of that happening - the idea of you watching him like a show, like he was something to admire - that put a twist in his stomach. It was something almost too daunting for him to conquer. He found himself swelling with shyness again, wanting to back down from this. 

He feared that he wouldn’t be able to impress you. He feared that he was gangly, thin, undesirable. He feared that his experience would steer him wrong somewhere and he would mess up terribly and turn you off. 

He thought that he wouldn’t be able to impress you. 

But he wanted to impress you so badly. He wanted you. He wanted your touch. He wanted to be a good boy for you, like you had said. 

“Give me your belt.” You said, turning to him expectantly and holding out your hand. 

“My - my belt?” He asked. 

Then, he immediately scolded himself inside as he realized that was questioning you, and against the rules. 

You let that one slide. He was still getting used to this, and it must have been an odd, confusing instruction to hear right off the bat. 

“Yes, your belt. I need it.” You said, still holding out your hand. “Come on.” 

Spencer stood up then, his hands and legs shaking slightly from nerves and the overwhelming lust. Although he was taller than you, he felt so entirely small as you stared at him, waiting patiently while his shaking hands struggled to undo the buckle and then slip the leather out of the belt loops.

When he finally handed it over to you, you took the belt in hand and inspected it for a moment before you quietly said ‘perfect’ under your breath. You then looked between Spencer and the chair - he was still wearing his work attire. A cardigan, a button up shirt and tie, his usual slacks, and his adorable dorky glasses. He had taken off his shoes at the door, revealing his oddly sweet mismatched socks. 

“Spencer,” 

You called his name, capturing his attention from where he was swaying on the spot, nervously fidgeting with the buttons on his cardigan to avoid looking at you. As soon as he looked up at you with those big, wet eyes, you felt confident in giving him your next instruction. 

“I want you to take off all your clothes. Except for your glasses and your socks.” You told him, giving him his first proper orders. 

He held his voice in his throat when he felt the need to question you about it, to ask you why. 

You wanted him to keep the glasses on because they brought an entirely dorky charm to him - you wanted to see if they would fog up when he became heated with lust. The socks? You thought they were cute, but it was mostly a test to see how closely he would follow the instructions. To test how well he would listen. 

He did as he was told. He stripped off his sweater, and then his tie, and then his watch, leaving his wrists nice and bare for you. His fingers began to shake slightly as he descended on the buttons of his shirt - clearly, he was feeling nervous once again, so you decided to give him some encouragement. 

“You’re being such a good boy, Spence.” You told him. “So good for me.” 

He let out a quiet breath at the praise - a precursor to a moan. It was something that compelled him to strip faster, and gave him a small boost of courage when reaching for the zipper of his pants. After he unzipped them - his erection clearly fighting to be freed of the fabric - your mouth began watering at the sight as he reached for the waistband of his pants and his underwear all at once and slid them down. 

A snake of surprising length popped out of his pants. His dick began bobbing around carelessly, smearing shiny precum all over his skin as he unhooked himself from the legs of his pants and put them aside. 

You had to marvel at it. 

You had never really thought about what Spencer might look like naked before. You had never allowed your mind to venture there. But now that you were seeing his cock: nine inches long, skinny and lean like he was, pale with a bright pink tip, sprouting from a thick thatch of dark pubic hair - it just made sense. He was tall and gangly, and so was his cock. It would be an impressive sword to impale yourself upon - but that would be for another day. 

Spencer caught you staring, of course. 

He had the urge to cover himself with his hands, and found himself clenching his fists by his sides because he figured that you wouldn’t like him trying to hide from you. 

He wondered if it looked weird. He wondered if you didn’t like it. He wondered-

“You’re beautiful, Spencer.” You said, your voice so drenched in utter sincerity that you almost broke into a gasp trying to get the words out. “So fucking beautiful.” 

Again, he wanted to question you - but didn’t. He wanted to be a good boy. He would follow the rules. 

“Th-thank you, Miss.” He muttered out quietly, almost unable to accept the compliment. 

“Come here, sit down.” You told him, motioning toward the chair. 

He nodded, his legs feeling rather numb as he moved to follow your instructions. When his ass made contact with the wooden surface of the chair, he let out a gasp at how cool it was compared to his heated skin. You quietly giggled at this, and then grabbed the belt from where you had put it down. He grew tense and curious once again when you walked behind him. 

You grabbed one of his wrists and began to guide it behind him, but he was so tense that you knew it would be uncomfortable for him. You eased your touch with a flat palm up his forearm and bicep, across his shoulder until you could press the weight of your thumb into the base of his neck. He moaned lightly at this, melting into the touch. 

“Relax, baby.” You urged. Spencer relaxed even further at the nickname, absolutely blooming with affection inside because of it. “I’m not gonna do anything to hurt you. I just want to make you feel good.” 

To drive home this point, you leaned in and planted a simple kiss on the back of his head, and then one on the side of his neck. Spencer let out a fluttering moan at this. He wanted more of those kisses, but he couldn’t work up the nerve to ask for it. 

He could find no faults with what you had said, so he did his best to do as you instructed. He relaxed, leaning back fully against the chair - which was slightly uncomfortable while he was completely naked and throbbing hard, waiting for you to touch him more. But he trusted you. 

You grabbed one of his wrists, and then the other, and guided them behind his back. 

It was much easier now that his muscles were softer, more pliant to you. 

You knelt down and used the belt to tie them simply. You looped the belt through the wooden slats so his hands would be held to the chair, and then placed both of his wrists into the loop. You didn’t want it to be so tight that the material would cut into his wrists painfully or cut off circulation, you just wanted to restrict his movement. 

Which would absolutely be the case when his arms were bound behind him, awkwardly tied to the back of the chair. You hooked the buckle into the smallest notch, giving him a bit of room to move, a bit of a gap to put your finger between the belt and his skin. However, it put his shoulders at an awkward angle so he would need your help getting out of it. 

“Is that okay?” You asked. “Not too tight? Be honest.” 

Spencer thought that he should feel slightly afraid or too vulnerable - being completely naked and tied to a chair like this. But with you, he felt safe. 

“It’s good.” He told you honestly. “Not too tight.” He assured you, moving to show off that wiggle room, demonstrating that the material wasn’t cutting into his wrists. 

“Good,” You sighed quietly, standing up once again. 

You walked around him like a predator circling their prey, making graceful, careful moments as you took in the sight of him. 

He was absolutely, beautifully sinful in this state. 

Stripped entirely naked, except for those glasses and those adorable, mismatched socks, sitting in the chair with his hands bound behind his back. All while he stared at you with his wide, expectant eyes, waiting for whatever your next move would be. While his heavy, hard cock leaked freely against his stomach, smearing a trail of sticky precum across his skin. 

You reached forward and grabbed his chin, tilting his head up slightly to look at you. Having someone as tall as Spencer look up at you for a change was entirely powerful. You held him there while you asked him a very important question. 

“You gonna be good for me?” You asked him. 

Instinctively for him, there was only one answer. 

“Yes.” He whimpered out. “Yes, Miss. I want to be good for you.” 

The pure sincerity of his declaration caused another wave of wetness from your aching pussy. For now, you would ignore your own needs. You would take care of him, make sure that this was a pleasurable experience for him. 

“Good boy,” You praised him, giving him a light kiss on the forehead - to which he sighed quietly in delight. 

Then, you let go of his face completely and turned to grab the item that had started this whole thing. 

You were excited to finally use it on Spencer. 

Spencer watched with awe and intrigue as you grabbed the toy and then the lube - you peeled off the plastic shrink wrap on the lube bottle with your teeth, and then popped the cap. And you turned so Spencer could see as you poured a generous amount of lube into the opening of the toy. 

“Don’t be afraid to use too much lube,” You told him, being a proper teacher. “In my opinion, there’s no such thing as ‘too wet’. But ‘too dry’ can cause skin irritation from friction. Or tearing if you’re trying to insert something like fingers or a penetrative toy. Like a dildo. Adequate lubrication always reduces the risk of both those things,” 

Spencer wanted to ask if there were other kinds of penetrative toys aside from dildos, but he figured that would be a question for another time. 

“Yes, Miss.” He nodded in understanding, absorbing what you had told him. 

You looked between the toy and his cock, and realized you might as well slick him up beforehand. 

You took a step closer to him and put the thickness of the fleshlight between his thighs, propping it there while you quietly mumbled ‘hold this’ - which caused him to tense his thighs in order to keep it from falling. He became enraptured by the sight of the silicone pussy, lubed and wet as a real one would be. He was so distracted by the sight that he almost didn’t take in you pouring lube into your hand before you capped the bottle and put it aside. 

“This is probably gonna be cold,” You warned him quietly before you used your lubed hand to take a hold of his cock. 

It was. And he let out a harsh gasp - from the shock of the cold wetness, a sound that quickly turned into a strangled moan as you formed a loose grip around his cock and began spreading the wetness over him with purpose. The lube soon warmed between your palm and the throbbing skin of his cock, and he unconsciously bucked into your touch, almost knocking the fleshlight out from resting between his thighs. 

“Stay still.” You ordered sharply, shoving his hips back down with your free hand. 

The harshness behind your voice, and your thumb pressing into his hip bone sent him reeling. He was so pliant under your touch. Between your commanding authority and the slickness of your lubed hand moving in a slow rhythm in lazy pumps up and down his cock - he was already way too fucking close. 

You knew it. You could see the way his stomach muscles quaked, the tensing of his thighs. Those little lilting gasps like music to your ears. 

You wondered if he would spurt cum all over your hand before he warned you. (If he did, you would likely pump him through it just to see if he would get hard again.) 

“Miss-!” He hollered, choking on the word. 

You abruptly stopped then. You stiffened your grip around the base of his cock - which was now nicely lubed up, and throbbing even harder as you effectively used your fingers around his pelvis like a cockring, causing his orgasm to fade dully back into his muscles. He let out a wounded sound, a confused moan from deep in his chest, his stomach shaking even harder as if he was trying to force the orgasm out past your gatekeeping touch. It was almost cute. 

“Yes, Spencer?” You asked, looking at him dumbly as though you had no clue what he had been trying to say. 

“I - I was getting close.” He completed the thought breathlessly. “C-close to orgasm.” 

Damn. If he was this fucked out now, you couldn’t wait to see what he would be like when you were done with him. 

“Well, good boys only cum with permission, right?” You said, grinning at him fiendishly. 

“Yes, Miss.” He said quickly, his voice dull with disappointment, but agreeable. 

“Good boy.” You praised once again. You felt his cock twitch in your hand at the words. “Besides, you haven’t even gotten a chance to try out your new toy yet.” 

You then grabbed up the toy and turned it over, using your hand on the base of his cock to feed his length into the fake pussy. More cool lube came rushing down to meet him, and his lungs shook once again and his heated skin was shocked by the feeling. It was strange, but pleasurable as his cock was enveloped by the soft, wet walls of the toy. It was so, so very tight around his cock - and oddly cool, far wetter than he had expected thanks to the amount of lube you had used. 

Spencer reasoned that it might be like sticking his cock in a watermelon, if that watermelon were also made of rubber bands. 

You knelt down in front of Spencer, looking in awe between the spot where his cock disappeared into the fake leaking pussy to his face. Seeing his reaction to this was utterly beautiful - the way his jaw naturally fell open, his eyes half closed as the pleasure overtook him. 

“Oh!” Spencer let out a sudden, high startled sound as you shoved the toy down onto his cock fully. 

Your eyes once again flickered between his dick and his face, and you came to an utterly stunning realization. 

He didn’t fully fit inside of the toy. 

There was about an inch of his cock that was still sticking out of it at the base, and with the resistance your hand had brought up into, you knew that he was fully seated inside of it. Well - as fully seated as he could get, apparently. 

It was one of the hottest things you had ever seen, and it sent a dizzying wave of endorphins through you. The sight of his cock not fully fitting into the silicone pussy was a stunning visual that made you realize just how deep he would go inside of you. It made your throat dry for a moment, forced you to swallow hard before you could speak. 

“You’re right here, baby?” You asked, tapping a finger on the top of the toy, knowing that he would feel it as a vibration through the plastic. 

He let out a gasp and bucked his hips up slightly, something that made you smile. He was too hazy to answer you already, something that you forgave for now. He was just too beautiful to scold in these moments. 

“Fuck, you don’t even fit into this thing all the way, do you?” You gasped quietly, still absolutely marveling at the sight. 

“I don’t?” Spencer gaped, finally looking down to where the toy was swallowing his cock, seeing as your words had captured his attention. “Is - is that bad?” 

He was struck with worry. He thought that perhaps his cock wasn’t right - that he shouldn’t be doing this, that you wouldn’t like him. 

It was in that moment that you realized what a treasure you had come across. A beautiful, intelligent man with a huge cock who had no idea how to use it. Someone who needed to be taught from scratch. Someone who could be molded into anything you wanted him to be. (At least in the sexual sense.) That, and he seemed to be naturally submissive and derive pleasure from following your orders. 

You most definitely weren’t going to let him go anytime soon. 

“No, baby, that’s a good thing.” You assured him. “That’s a great thing.” 

Spencer smiled at this - an expression that slacked off into a moan when you made your next move. 

You gave the toy a slow half-pump before you seated it on his cock again, seemingly knocking the wind out of them. Then, you let go of the toy completely, letting him sit there with the fleshlight on his cock, bobbing in mid-air. It began to rise up slightly as the tightness of it hugged his cock, and unconsciously, he bucked up his hips, seeking more friction. But of course - the object was simply hanging there, seated on his cock, unmoving. It was an entirely fruitless venture. 

With his hands tied behind his back, he needed you. It was an adorable struggle to watch for a moment, especially when his face knit with frustration and his thighs began to quiver from the effort. 

“Please,” He begged. He was so pretty when he begged. “Help me.” 

“You want me to help you fuck your toy?” You teased, reaching for it again. 

“Please, Miss.” 

When he whined like that, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. 

You took a good grip on the plastic then, and began a quick, smooth rhythm. You were eager to see his reaction to being fucked well, being fucked without hesitation. 

Spencer immediately shuddered and began letting out harsh whimpers. He bit his lip, but it didn’t keep the sounds from wailing out of his throat as you pumped the toy up and down on his cock. 

His chin was tilted down onto his chest, keeping his eyes locked on the place where the toy was devouring his hard cock. This caused his glasses to slip down his nose bridge slightly, something so entirely adorable to you in the moment. With his thighs tense and his stomach quaking, with that pool of artificial wetness leaking onto his pubes and slowly creeping down over his balls - he was so beautifully fucked out, the most perfect picture you had ever seen in your life. 

“Oh - oh, oh, oh god!” His mouth fell open once again and an array of sounds fell out, a beautiful little choir that you could have only dreamed of coming from him. “Oh, please!” 

You had to wonder if he was the type of person to swear when he came. Spencer was never the type of person to swear during other extreme situations. You had never seen him let out a single curse, not even with a gun to his head. 

You had to wonder if you could be the one to make him swear. 

“Please, Miss!” He squeaked out, sounding entirely wrecked and desperate. “Please, I’m close-!” 

You couldn’t resist the temptation of stilling the toy completely, abruptly cutting off his orgasm once again. Spencer let out a broken sound as his muscles jolted and the feeling ebbed through him - so close, but not quite there. It was like a terrible ache in his muscles. Like a deep, terrible thirst with nothing to drink. 

“Please,” He begged, his eyes shooting to lock onto you. “Please! Please, Miss.” 

“Please, what, baby?” You teased him, reaching up and gently carding your fingers through his hair, brushing some of it off his forehead. He had a light sheen of sweat going, his body clearly strained. It was delightful to witness. 

“Please,” He rasped out brokenly, so entirely desperate.  “I - I need it.” 

You bit your lip, holding back laughter at how perfect this was.

“Need what, baby?” You continued to tease him. “Come on, use your words.” 

He swallowed hard, and stared at you with glassy desperation in his eyes. Either he was shy, or had no clue what exactly it was you wanted him to say - so you decided to guide him along. 

“Say: I need to cum.” You told him, hoping that he was desperate enough now that he would simply repeat the filthy words. 

“I - I need to cum.” He repeated, only mild hesitation on his lips. 

“Say: I need you to make me cum.” You told him, pushing it a bit father. 

“I need you,” He said, pausing slightly to catch his breath. “Need you to make me cum.” 

“Good boy.” You praised him, running his hand through your hair once again. 

You stood up this time, and put one hand on the back of the chair behind his shoulder for leverage, leaning over him as you took the toy in hand and started moving it once again. This gave him a perfect view down your top, and his lustful gaze locked onto your swaying cleavage as you worked on jacking the fake pussy on his cock. It was a maddening suction that had him grunting lowly with every thrust, letting out whines, flexing his hips to fuck his cock up into the toy. 

“Does it feel good, pretty boy?” You asked, so heavily enjoying the sight of him so messy, so wrecked. 

“Yes!” He easily replied. 

“What are you thinking about? Hmm?” You couldn’t help but to ask. 

“I - hnng - I - I don’t know!” He gaped. 

Either he was lying, and simply didn’t want to tell you what was on his mind, or you had truly fucked his head empty. If it was the second, then you would heavily enjoy that fact. 

“You don’t know?” You asked, your voice absolutely teasing once again. “Well, that’s a first.” You chuckled. 

Spencer panted harshly, filling the space for a moment - along with the wet squelching of the toy moving up and down on his cock as your wrist continued to work. And then you became bold enough to ask the question that you truly wanted to. 

“You thinkin’ about my pussy?” You prodded. “You imagining that this toy is me? Wondering what’s gonna be like when I finally sit on your cock?” 

“Yes!” He was suddenly very eager to admit to this. Clearly it helped that he didn’t have to say the words for himself. “Yes! Yes, Miss! I want you. I want your-”

He cut himself off suddenly, moaning sharply as the tip of his cock brought up in the end of the fake pussy once again. It sent a jolt of pleasure-pain through him that had his skin boiling even hotter. You wondered if he would be bold enough to say the word ‘pussy’ or if you would have to heavily prompt him. 

But that thought left your head completely with his next words. 

“Oh! Oh, please! I’m so close!” 

Again, feeling the devil rise up inside of you, you stopped off his orgasm. 

This time, by pulling the toy away completely. You lifted the fleshlight off his cock, and watched with lustful joy as his cock slipped out of the opening with a wet pop. His thighs quaked with bitter agony and his long cock bobbed in the air, dripping thick waves of precum and lube as it separated from the toy. 

Everything was so wet. 

It was honestly a gorgeous sight, like a mini tidal wave dripping down onto the chair as the toy continued to leak the generous amount of lube you had put into it and his cock let out pathetic little spurts of precum. His pubes were glossy and matted together, his inner thighs were absolutely slick. He was glistening and whining harshly as the ruined orgasm crashed through his body, making his mind somehow even hazier and more desperate. 

“God!” He choked out. “Please!” 

He blinked harshly and a few tears escaped the corners of his eyes, making him look even more gorgeous somehow. 

“Please - please! I need - I need - oh god!” He began sobbing nonsensically, begging you for release as he was practically on the verge of madness. 

Your cunt throbbed at seeing him so wrecked - so utterly dependent on you. 

“Hey, hey, shh.” You reached your free hand out and thumbed under the edge of his glasses - the thick lenses only magnifying his glassy eyes and lustful, broken tears all the more. You soothed your touch across his burning cheek, reassuring him. “You’ve been such a good boy. I’m gonna let you cum now. Okay?” 

“Please!” He sobbed. 

Hearing his voice so broken and needy probably shouldn’t have turned you on so much, but you absolutely loved it. 

“Hey, shh,” You continued to rub his cheek, and he leaned into the touch. “I just need one thing from you first.” 

“Anything!” He easily declared. 

“I need you to say: ‘may I cum, please?’” You told him. 

It was a start on the scale of filthy things that you wanted to hear from his mouth, but it would definitely be oh so satisfying. 

And then - as if he knew exactly what he was doing to you, he blinked his big eyes and looked up at you through tear wet lashes, giving you the most pouty, fuckable look as he leaned into your hand before he said the words. 

“May I cum, please?” He asked. And then, like the wet dream that he was, he seamlessly added on. “Please, Miss. I-I’ve been a good boy.” 

“Yes, you have been.” You told him. “I’ll make you cum now baby.” 

You used both hands to get his cock back inside of the toy - the sound of his cock fucking back into the fake pussy was so much wetter, the whine he let out made your knees weak. 

You doubled your efforts now, even going so far as to squeeze your grip on the outside of the plastic - which made the silicone grip his cock just that little bit tighter as you slammed it up and down on him. Your movements were hard and fast in the effort to make him cum for certain this time. 

“Oh, oh, oh, you - oh!” Spencer began babbling nonsense, his words barely broken up by harsh breaths being sucked into his lungs and whimpers emanating from his throat at the intense pleasure. “Oh, Miss - you - you’re so - ah!” 

“Where’s that big IQ now, boy genius?” You taunted him, keeping up the brutal pace. “Did I make you all stupid? Did I melt your big brain? Huh?” 

Spencer all but confirmed this as truth when he gurgled out nothingness as a response. 

You felt slightly bolder, and you became slightly harsher in your degrading words. You almost couldn’t help yourself. You loved tearing him apart so much, having him melt under your touch. You couldn’t help but to brag about the amazing job you had done. 

“Just a dumb little baby now, aren’t you?” You cooed, your voice entirely condescending. “Just a stupid little boy for me. So cumdrunk you can’t even think now, huh? There’s no boy genius here now. Just a dumb baby who needs to cum.” 

He only inflated your ego with his next words. 

“Yes!” He shouted out, entirely confirming what you had said - if he had even properly heard it through the blood pumping in his ears. To him, it might have just been the raw hum of your voice in the background, like an undertone with no true words to it. “Yes! Need - need t’ cum!” 

It was the most incoherent you had ever known Doctor Spencer Reid to be. 

You stared on eagerly as you watched his stomach tighten up, his lungs struggling for breath. 

“Y/N-!” He gasped out your name right before it hit him. 

And when it hit him, when he finally tumbled over the edge into the abyss - boy, it was a big one. 

It was an intense, full body orgasm. His legs shook, his body arched off the chair as though he were having a seizure, actually putting a strain on his bonded arms for the first time. He wildly bucked up into the toy as you continued to work it over his cock, his mouth dropping open wildly as a strain of high pitched, needy whimpers poured out from between his pretty pink lips. 

You were feeling selfish, and you wanted to see him cum at least a bit. 

So knowing that he was riding the wave, you ripped the toy off him, causing a wounded noise to come out of him as his spurting cock fell from it. But you didn’t leave him hanging. You immediately replaced the toy with your hand, and put a tight grip around him, pumping viciously over his throbbing cock, wanting to milk the rest of the orgasm out of him by hand. 

The sudden, shocking overstimulation sent his body into overdrive. 

His thighs shook so hard it could have been mistaken for electrocution, he gasped like a drowning man - he would have begged for mercy, but he couldn’t catch his breath. 

It was the best feeling he had ever experienced. It was pure euphoria, it was heaven on earth. It was an icy hot fire running through his veins that he didn’t even know was possible. 

He had never experienced an orgasm like this before. He knew the feeling of an orgasm to be more like a dull tickle in his groin. But now that he had done this - he didn’t think he could go back to anything else. 

Large spurts of cum blasted from his cock, so overpowering then that painted his stomach, his chest, and much to your delight - a few thick white spurts even dirtied his glasses when you angled his cock that way and kept viciously pumping him. 

His cock was so hot that it felt like it could have burned your hand, so needy and bloated with blood from how long you had edged him. Eventually, when the tip of his cock began to weep out a pathetic clear liquid, and he was on the verge of sobbing once more, you let him go from your grip, finally giving him a moment to breathe. 

You knew for certain that you would never be able to look at Spencer Reid again without seeing this imagery: him, completely fucked out, his face flushed red, mouth agape as he struggled for breath. His naked body, limp cock laying against his pelvis, painted in his own cum - including dirtying up his own glasses. 

You loved those glasses even more now. 

You couldn’t get him to swear - but fuck, that was really something. 

“Thank you.” He said meekly, still struggling for breath. “Th-thank you, Miss.” 

“Good boy.” You leaned in and kissed his forehead. “Such a good boy for me.” 

Now, it was time to take care of him and make sure that he had a good come down. 

You put the toy on the coffee table, placing it with the opening up so it wouldn’t leak everywhere - you wouldn’t clean it later. You also took off his glasses and placed them aside. Again - you would clean them later. 

You rushed to untie his hands, and eased his arms back around his body by gently rubbing his shoulders, hoping that the muscles wouldn’t be too sore or stiff from being in the same position for so long. 

“Such a good boy.” You assured him. “You did so well for me honey.” 

He hummed in acknowledgement. Clearly, he was absolutely exhausted from the ordeal. You hoped you could get his tall, gangly self to his bed on your own if he was so fucked out and weak. You walked back around to his front and laid your lips on his forehead again, murmuring more praises against his skin as you continued to rub his shoulders and run your fingers through his hair. You told him how good he was, how perfect he had been for you, how beautiful he was. 

After a few minutes, you felt his hands on your hips as he came out of the haze. He ran a thumb along the waistband of your pants, and his first words after that haze surprised you. 

“What - what about you?” He asked. 

Clearly, he meant that you should have an orgasm. Your cunt was aching dully between your thighs, and you were sure that you had soaked through your underwear. But that had been a lot for him, and you didn’t want to overwhelm him during the first time. 

“That’ll be a lesson for next time.” You told him quietly. He hummed quietly at this. He felt assured by you simply saying ‘next time’. “I have to clean up your toy now, so you can use it again later. Then I’ll clean you up and tuck you into bed, okay, baby?” 

He nodded. “Yes, please. Thank you.” 

You hesitantly broke away from him and grabbed the toy, and as you moved to leave the room, you paused at him mumbling out more words. 

“Can - can I have a glass of water, please?” He asked quietly. 

“Of course you can, baby.” 

You went into the kitchen and ran the toy under hot water - which you left going as you got a glass and filled it with cold water and ice from the dispenser. You were lucky to find a straw in the takeout bag from earlier - you put it in the glass and, while the hot water was still running in the sink, you rushed out to give Spencer a drink. 

You held the glass while he chugged gratefully from it, and after a few moments, you ensured that he could hold it with his sex tired hands by himself and then you left to finish cleaning up the toy. You set it on his empty dish rack to drip dry (which was quite a sight). And then you went to the bathroom, coming back with a warm cloth to wipe him down. He was only slightly unsteady on his legs as you guided him to bed - his muscles shaking and tired after the whole amazing ordeal. 

You found it endearing that his bed was unmade, surrounded by stacks of books that were lined up on the floor, rather than on any shelf. 

You pulled back the covers completely and helped him get in, and you were tucking him in nicely when he asked the sweet question. 

“Will you cuddle with me?” He asked quietly, looking up at you with those adorable, expectant eyes once again. “You know, for - for the aftercare?” 

You likely would have done it simply because he asked, even if you didn’t deem it ‘necessary’ for aftercare. But because he asked, it was part of good care. 

“Of course.” You answered. “I don’t have any pjs, so do you mind if I sleep in my underwear?” 

You had just tucked him into bed naked, and he was asking you to lay down beside him like that. But still, you wanted to ask how comfortable he would be if you were in a state of undress. 

His eyes shined with interest at the idea of seeing you at least partially undressed. 

“I don’t mind.” He told you. 

You nodded, and stepped back slightly to begin undressing. 

“So - did you have fun?” You asked. You suspected that he had entirely enjoyed himself, but you did want to hear him say it. 

Spencer grinned at this. “I think what we just did has changed my definition of ‘fun’ entirely.” He told you. “In a good way. So you know.” 

You preened at the idea that you had shifted Spencer’s worldview. Someone who most likely spent his free time reading research papers and playing through chess games entirely on his own and called it ‘fun’ would now be thinking about spending his free time playing with you instead. 

You stripped out of your pants, socks, and work blouse, which left you in your simple cotton underwear, a thin cotton camisole and your bra underneath. You decided to take off your bra underneath your shirt and just sleep in the cami and panties for comfort. You knew your underwear was stuck to your cunt from your previous burning arousal, and Spencer’s eyes did focus hard on that, and then focused even harder on the outline of your bare breasts as you ditched your bra off to the side. 

If he had the ability to get hard again after that spectacular orgasm, he probably would have been throbbing at the sight of you. 

You lifted up the covers and crawled into bed with him, cuddling into his side as he tentatively wrapped an arm around your waist. Your stomach fluttered when he kissed the top of your head before you felt his body relax into the mattress. 

“Thank you.” He said quietly, clearly exhausted. “I love it when you teach me things.”

...

If you would like to see a sequel to this fic, I would like to see 15 reblogs and 10 comments to know that a sequel is wanted!

(This includes anon messages - and I always have the anonymous option turned on.)

In order to make a second part, I need to have comments including feedback to know what people liked about the fic and why it is worth continuing. Even if the 15 reblogs are from the same person, showing their enthusiasm for this fic, then that counts for me. I just want to know that my work is appreciated before I post more of it!

[chanif-art]

Regency era / Bridgerton vibe AU!

Noble! Childe x f! Crossdressing reader (reader insert)

Warnings!: Yandere, unhealthy thought, cliche

Late for bridgerton vibe? I don’t think so🫡

(Feel free to elaborate the idea or such, just tag me I’ll definitely reblog it!)

Synopsis: (Brief background story of why you have to crossdressing) In this story, your parent were not fond of you very much since you were the first born child and, unfortunately, you were a girl. (imagine your family is very strict to the old culture which the first born child must be a boy so a boy can inherit and be a head of family [*bad bad*]) They tried so hard to have the second child however they failed. Therefore, they tried every possible way to carry their legacies. Adopt a child? a big NO!! we must contain our bloodline! Well, there was no other way... They made you crossdressing. Pretend that you were a boy, the rightful to be a head of family! Thus, this is the beginning of why you have to crosdressing. You started to study and learn like a man, be the one. You must hide your true identity.

(Let’s talk about you and Childe) He’s your best friend childhood. Childe was very attractive to both ladies and gentlemen. But one day he started to change... in some weird way....

-

 One day, as a normal day. The harbingers club made a party which was very normal. Gentlemens did some hunting while Ladies did some gathering to discuss about marriage, or who’s the hottest in this party--- You, disguise as a man, had to hunt so no one could find it odd. As a regular activity, You and Childe bet that who would be the first one that shot the bird first. And BAM! you thought that you shot the bird or something but it fell into the woods. Therefore, you went to check if you really did hit something first. Childe insisted to come along with you. But you assured him that there would be no danger in the woods so do not worry much. Childe did not agree but he let you go unless you didn’t come back in 20 mins, he’ll come find you. Since you were a child, Childe had some vibe of protect-you-no-matter-what. You thought that maybe Childe though of you as a little brother and since you’re only child so you THOUGHT that it was very normal of this ‘big brother will always protect little brother’---right? But in reality? BRUH Childe had loved you since he laid eyes on you. He did not care if you were a boy. LOVE IS LOVE. He always tried to find that opportunity to get close, done something together, chase away some bugs(that’s why no ladies couldn’t get close to you;-;) or even planned to be with you FOREVER. The gossip said that Childe was into his male bestfriend. What did Childe do to that gossip? He did nothing! Plus, He’s the one who incited this gossip! Little poor thing, He had done this much and you still not know about his love. What should he do now? Locked him up? that’s a great idea! Fake about his family being a fraud? Fantastic idea! He could be with him forever! What should he do now... What should he do.... OH! 20 minutes had passed~ and why you were still in there? Did something bad happen? Or Someone kidnapped you? oh my- oh my- Childe quickly ran into that woods--- tried to find you as soon as possible. He knew it that woods was dangerous to let you go alone. Stupid him Stupid! He ran and ran until--- He cached a glimpse of you. He immediately ran towards in that direction. And Then he saw you were all soaked and woman---? woman? woman? WOMAN? All these years he tried so hard to get him---her, he finally found the easiest way to have you now. Make your family as a fraud. You would have no other way to redemption that accuse. You were going to feel desperate. And Childe would be the knight in shining armour. He would deceive you to confess the secret yourself. You would feel hopeless and that--- would benefit him a lot.

To have You was always his goal.

—

Ps. You get the idea right?😂 I just wanna make Childe in regency era that’s all lmao. Thank you for being patient with me. I have been busy with uni works A LOT and finally this week will end all final exam! I hope these Noble Childe would be my forgiveness from me to all of you🥹🫶🏻

buymeacoffee

[marvels-bitch-boy]

natasha x male!reader request but it’s about “friends” season 3. episodes 11 & 12! where rachel gets a job interview thanks to mark & ross is all jealous and after she starts the job he sends all these gifts so he knows she isn’t single! yeah make rachel the reader in this story and ross would be natasha lmao :) especially the part where it’s like “men are only ever nice to get into bed” but obviously “women” instead of “men” bc this is a fanfic lol

Masterlist , Part 2

Nat’s boy

Request: yes

Natasha x male reader

A/N: Ya'll okay! so I tried to do a bit of angst at the end (Probably not very good) so im sorry if thats not what You want but I'm gonna do a part two!! cuz this was actually super super fun!!!

Word Count: 3k

“Natty! Guess what?!” you burst into your shared apartment in the city with a bag of groceries tucked under your arm and a wide smile spread across your face. You were dressed in a more casual suit today because you had a job interview at Oscorp earlier.

“What’s up?” she looked up from her mission reports spread on the kitchen island and noticed the smile on your face “Did you nail it like I said you would?”

You shook your head as you removed your shoes and placed your keys down “better…” you walked over to the countertop and placed the bag down before walking out of the room to change.

“What could be better?” you could hear the curious and playful tone of her voice from the kitchen.

You emerged from the bedroom in your sweatpants, fuzzy socks, and an old band shirt that Natasha got for you on your first date “trust me, this is better…” you began to lay out the ingredients for dinner “I was in the longest check out line and the lady behind me” you snap your fingers trying to remember her name “uh-oh! -her name was Pepper I think…” you look for the knives “and she asked me about my day and we started talking about jobs and then she told me that she’s Tony Starks assistant!” you looked up to Natasha with a huge smile and wide eyes, her face didn’t show the same excitement yours had “I told her about my interview at Oscorp and she insisted that I interview for Tony too, she said ‘You’d make a fine addition to our team’ CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! I mean what are the chances!”

“Oh...that’s great...um-well when is the interview, maybe I can help you prep?” she attempts to give you a soft smile and help you cook

“Oh, that’s alright Pepper actually wants to meet for coffee tomorrow and coach me through it” you hand her some ingredients to chop

“Really...that sounds great…” she strains out as she chops

---

“It. Sounds. Awful.” Natasha says between hits to the punching bag

“Nat...it’s just coffee for a potential interview,” Steve says as he attempts to calm her down

“Yeah well, you don’t know him like I do, he thinks it’s just coffee and then bam!” she hits the bag again “He’s got another stalker or another girl who texts me that he’s cheating and I have to explain all over again that ‘he’s just nice’ or ‘no back off bitch I know how to use a gun’... the last one was just once but still! He can’t seem to grasp that almost all women just want sex from him”

“Not all, I mean you just wanted him to stop getting your mail by accident”

She grew a sheepish look “yeah...about that…”

“Nat…” he looked at her with eyes as old as time

“I mean you’ve seen him! Who wouldn’t try something!... That’s why I know this is just another trick to get him into bed!” she points at him defensively

“Nat...it’s just an interview, I’m sure he won’t even get the job, and Oscorp is his first choice right?”

“Yeah, he was crazy excited when he saw the email from them” she smiled just thinking about how much you lit up when you read your name on the computer screen

“Then I’m sure he’d pick them over Stark” he gave her a pat on the back as he went to collect his things

This left Natsha alone with her thoughts. She knew that you would never cheat or flirt with anyone on purpose, even by accident you just thought you were being nice. It was what drew her to you, the way you apologized to her for getting one single piece of mail as if it was your fault...then you called her pretty, you smiled at her in the hall, you invited her to hang out with some friends at the pool in your building, you invited her to the movies, you invited her to go on runs in the morning, and then she asked you out...because you couldn’t tell the difference between her flirting and her kindness. This brought the fear back, she knew if Pepper even asked you out that you would say yes, not because you’re a cheater but because you’re nice…

---

It had been a week since you met Pepper and had your first interview prep, and it was finally the big day, you got dressed in the suit Natasha helped you pick out, and you went over the note cards Pepper and you made. You made your way out the door and gave Natasha a kiss on the cheek before you slipped out the door and made your way to the subway.

“Hey, Pep!” you saw her at her desk as soon as you got off the elevator

“Oh! Y/N, looking very sharp! Mr Stark will be ready for you in a minute, did you go over the notes?” she gave you a sweet smile and beckoned you over

“Of course I did! And thanks I had some help picking it out, couldn’t decide on the vibe I wanted” you propped your elbows on the desk in front of you

“Well, I’m sure he’s gonna love it” just as she finished the door behind her opened up and out came Tony Stark

“You must be the young man Pep has told me about... Y/N, right?” he gave you an outstretched hand which you took immediately

“Uh-yes sir, that's me...Um-uh, it's an honour to meet you Mr Stark” you shake his hand for just a little too long out of excitement -I mean this is Thee Tony Stark!- you soon let go and followed him into his office.

It was very sleek and beautifully decorated in a modern fashion, there were pieces of technology scattered on every desk and shelf. Mr Stark directed you to a pair of twin armchairs on one side of the room. You took a seat and made yourself as comfortable as you could.

He started the interview off just as Pepper had told you he would. You answered every question honestly and as Pepper told you to. She was right about everything he would ask and how he would act. All the things she prepped you for seemed to be paying off. The interview seemed to be going well when suddenly he got a very urgent call, he apologized for the inconvenience and had Pepper show you out. She apologized to you again as she walked you out of the building.

---

You entered the front door and got hit with a bear hug from Nat, you wrapped your arms around her waist and it made your heart do a small flip as it always did when she would touch you. The longer the hug lasted for the more suspicious you grew, I mean it wasn’t unusual for her to have long hugs but those were after finding her on the couch with ice cream in hand or after a stressful day at work -which you still didn’t know much about.

“um...Natty? Is everything alright?” you kept her close and spoke softly in case your gut was right.

She pulled away slightly to look at you “yes…” she looked at you inquisitively “is everything alright with you?” she was careful with her tone as she spoke

“Yes, my interview went really well. Pepper said I’m a shoo-in for the job” your smile crept up on your face in a magnetic way as you spoke.

“Oh -Yay! That’s- that’s great! I’m so glad you were able to do it!” she loosened her grip on you and began to make her way out of your arms but you were able to tighten your grip on her and pull her back in

“soooo...I was thinking we could go out tonight to celebrate? Huh? Sounds fun doesn’t it, we could go to that new Pho place you told me about?” you wiggled your eyebrows at her with a wide smile and pleading eyes you knew she could never say no to

She attempted to avoid your gaze for a moment “Okay, fine -but only because you’ve put me into such a good mood”

You jumped up and down with her in your arms before you made your way to get ready

---time-skip: 5 hours---

It was only 4 am when you received a call from Tony Stark, you were half asleep but all you heard was “You start at 9” and you immediately woke up, you jumped out of bed and began to cheer around the apartment. You did happen to wake up Nat but she was more concern with if you were having a stroke or nightmare. She quickly realized it was a happy run around the house and sat on the couch until you calmed yourself down.

“So...was it Oscorp?” she asked half asleep now as she got up off the couch

“Nope! Better! Stark industries! I got the Job!! Can you believe it?” your smile was so bright it felt like a phone being turned on at 3 am in the dark.

“What! That’s-that sososooo great! Wow, I can totally believe that they’d want you” a total lie, she knew you’d get an offer but she didn’t think it’d be this fast...oh shit

“I’m so excited I mean I get to work with thee Tony Stark, and I can use my ideas to help people now! This is gonna be amazing Nat! I can’t wait to start working with Pepper too…” the words died out in your throat as you went to go and begin making breakfast -it might be 4 am but you have to prep your clothes and go through all your plans that you want to start right away.

Oh god...Nat needed to go for a run or five.

---Time-skip: 1 week---

Okay...so the first 3 days were very normal, you got a tour from Pepper, had a few meetings, and got invited to a dinner with Tony, Pepper, and “Happy”. There was no way that you could pass up the opportunity, a dinner paid for by your bosses and you got to bring your girlfriend? That’s a win-win!

It wasn’t until the day after dinner did Natasha start to act a little weird. You arrived the next morning to find a teddy bear with a bouquet of flowers in its arms on your desk...you thought it was really sweet when you read the card.

“From the woman who had HER heart stolen by you, and who stole YOUR heart in return ;)”

-Natasha <3

She’s never really sent you anything like this before, you saw it as a new side of her. Considering that you’d now work a lot more hours than before you knew the time you spent together would be cut by a lot but this made it feel like she would always be around you. You texted her letting her know you got it and that the bear was your new favourite office decoration -it was.

A few hours later, however… she sent you another bouquet of flowers… with another card and then 10 mins later a box of chocolates...then another stuffed animal...and then more flowers...soon your entire office was filled with balloons, flowers, chocolate, and stuffed bears, frogs, elephants, spiders?, Otters, and now some odd animal with no face but the wings of a chicken… Every time a new one came in Pepper would give you a little look and a smile, you simply chuckled and placed them with the others after storing the cards.

When you arrived home Nat had already made dinner and seemed to be more interested in your work than she has in years. You didn’t mind this change it was just odd because you usually looked forward to cooking dinner with her and talking about her day. You both curled up on the couch after dinner and watched a movie, one of the things you looked forward to every day. Just her and you on the couch with a new movie and some ice cream or pie (she knew the secret to the crust and you had a trick to making the perfect filling every time). She cuddled into you as much as you thought she could without actually fusing into you. You didn’t object, you just let her be and let her fall asleep to your breathing before you carried her to bed for the night.

---

As you began to prepare for your lunch break of the day you heard someone talking with Pepper outside your door, you weren’t expecting anyone so when Natasha walked through the doors you were pleasantly surprised. She was wearing a casual yet stunning wine red dress, you double-checked the date to make sure it wasn’t any kind of special day before you reached her in the middle of the room and found her wrapping her arms around your waist now.

“Well, Ms Romanoff what do I owe the pleasure this fine afternoon?” you spoke as a loving smile graced your lips.

She returned it with one of her own “oh, just a girl who really wanted to surprise the man she loves” she gave you a small peck on the lips.

“Now I can’t argue with that” you gave her a kiss on the forehead “Mr Stark invited me to lunch with him and Pepper...you’re welcome to join, or I can take you out just the two of us?” you stared into her eyes trying to gauge a reaction.

“Can we- uh- talk about…Pepper for a moment actually?” she looked down and dropped her hands from your waist.

“Pepper? Why? What’s going on?” you took one of her hands in yours and attempted to look at her in the eyes. She still averted her gaze from yours. This made your heart do a bellyflop down to your stomach. A pit started to form inside of you like never before. Normally when Natasha needed to talk to you about something serious or tried to avoid something serious she wouldn’t make eye contact with you and her face would go to stone, you had already reached stage one and stage two usually took three days to get back from so you knew you had to tread lightly and be patient.

“Look, Y/N you are incredibly attractive, and one of the sweetest and friendliest men I’ve met, these are some of the things that drew me to you …” she took a deep breath in which made your stomach twist and turn “but some other women can get drawn in sometimes too, and they don’t really understand sometimes when you are being friendly or when you are flirting...and I’m starting to get that feeling with Pepper-”.

You cut her off “wait, hold on you think Pepper only did all of this because she thought I was flirting with her when we met?” you dropped her hand as you spoke “You don’t think I actually got this job do you?-”.

Natasha finally looked at you in the eyes and grabbed your hands “No! Of course not! I never had a doubt in my mind that you would get this job, but I’m just worried that she might expect something in return at some point”.

“Nat, Pepper isn’t gonna expect anything in return except that I do my job! Why can’t you see that?” you slightly raised your voice at her this time and the pit was beginning to fill up with a different emotion.

“When will you see that women are only nice to you to get you into bed!” she raised her voice even more. It was very rare that you two had a fight like this -you knew all relationships had a few fights every now and then so it didn’t worry you that much- but this one seemed like it was one that she wanted to have for a while.

“Were you? Did you only smile at me because you thought it would get you something? Where you just playing me?” you lowered your voice and covered your face with your hands, they shielded you from any kind of truth or lie that her eyes would throw at you. You knew not to look in the eyes with these kinds of questions they always ended poorly for the one asking.

She opened her mouth to speak for a moment but the words became caught in her throat like a fish in a net “I-um… I-I did, -at first! But then I got to know you more...” she softened her tone and slowly guided your hands away to look at you “and I got to talk to you and understand you, I got to understand why you smiled at everyone all the time. I saw how creative you were and how loving and all I wanted was to be the person who got that love every day.” you looked into her eyes as she spoke, you knew that you should trust her but you couldn’t shake the feeling that she was lying to you...you’ve been used before and turns out she was one of those people in the beginning.

You averted your gaze from her and turned around back towards your desk “I think you should probably go Natsha-”

She quickly interrupted you “-No, I’m going to stay here and talk this through”

When she reached for your shoulder you pulled away from her grasp “I want to be alone right now...I have a lot of work to get done, so please just leave”

She attempted to reach for you again but retracted her hand, she sighed “I’ll be training late tonight, so I’ll grab some food with Steve” and with that, she left. You didn’t realise it but Pepper had been on the other side of the door and as soon as Natasha left she rushed in to give you a hug. One that you desperately needed at the moment.