#Oh and also their boss was like contracted to kill a guy but she failed and Gwen is using a video of it to blackmail her

[djarins-cyare]

Never Look Down

Part 2: Maia’s (Your) Morning

← Part 1 | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Prompt: “I don’t know what’s happening but I love it.”

Summary: Din has been ignoring his crush on Grogu’s babysitter for a while now, with varying degrees of success. But after a misunderstanding leads to some revelations, there’s no denying things any longer. Sometimes you just need to look at things from a different perspective.

Rating: Mature (18+)

Pairing: Din Djarin x Original Female Character (for his POV scenes) / Din Djarin x Reader (for her POV scenes)

Word count: 7,830

Tags/warnings: POV switch, hangover hell, light angst, confessions, even more references to erections, some swearing, references to sex, kissing, reference to fellatio, a lot of fluff, Reader has a name (and a job and an inkling of a backstory). Regarding her prior bad relationship, I don’t want anyone to be triggered by an assumption, so please note she was NOT in an abusive situation. Her former partner was just a drug-dealing douche.

Author’s note: I finished something new! [*cries in disbelief*] 😭. Thank you so much for your interest and support! 💖

READ ON AO3 (author’s preference)

Tumblr version ahead if you prefer…

You wake up somewhere dark and soft. It takes you several seconds to realise where you are due to the throbbing ache in your head that’s screaming for focus.

You’re in Din’s bed.

Oh fuck.

Well… more like no fuck. A shameful absence thereof.

Slowly, memories of the previous night drift to the surface of your foggy brain, each one deepening your embarrassment until you’ve reached the pitiful depths of utter humiliation. It cuts deeper than your hangover, which includes a pounding headache and a bruised shoulder (how did that happen?), yet is almost trivial in comparison. Kark, you drank – and said and did – a lot more than you should’ve.

Babysitting Grogu is not your primary source of income. In fact, you have a contract with Karga for city planning and infrastructure upgrades. But that’s just building holos, presenting them to the High Magistrate, and then outsourcing the work upon approval. It’s sporadic and flexible, leaving you with plenty of hours to kill. You took this part-time job to keep yourself busy, but you’ve come to enjoy hanging out with the little guy and his bafflingly sexy father. Both are good fun, have always been friendly and welcoming, and you’re fond of their company. Who are you kidding – you’re profoundly attached to them both. Plus, Din has taught you to use a blaster, helping you feel safer and more self-reliant now you’re free of your ex’s ‘protection’. The extra credits are merely a bonus, and you’d do this for free if it came to it.

Well, not this. Not turn up drunk, pass out in your boss’s refresher, then misread a gesture of kindness as a sexual advance. And you just had to fucking let your thoughts spill out, didn’t you? Shit, you basically told him you think he’s a virgin! Sure, you’ve wondered, but you’ve never drawn any conclusions, so why did you have to vocalise those thoughts as if you had? You’ve been so careful to avoid suggesting his commitment to his creed might be impeding anything fun. So what if he can’t eat with you or sleep with you – that’s his choice. He probably thinks you’re judging him now. You shouldn’t have opened your mouth, damn it!

Of course he rejected you.

How could you ever have thought Din would want to be with you after everything you did last night? There are so many reasons for him to have walked away like he did. Not only did you fail to provide trustworthy childcare, but you also vomited in his toilet and were a drunken burden on him after he’d had to go out on a job. Then you assumed he wanted sex, implied he might not have the requisite skills, stripped naked, climbed under his sheets, and stole his fucking bed for the whole night.

You’re a disgrace. The regret burns in your chest, branding you from the inside out as the fool who pushed a former bounty hunter too far.

Plus, you work for the guy, so that’s surely a factor. Your role here is simply to take care of his kid. At least it was. And, of course, he’s never shown any interest in you. In fact, whenever you’ve wondered if the two of you are having ‘a moment’, he’s always run away.

Why did you have to make an already bad situation so much worse by revealing your desires? You were coping fine with your self-imposed celibacy. Sure, it was frustrating, but you were surviving. Repressing your libido around him was working for you.

As much as you want to hide beneath the blankets and avoid the fallout, you know you can’t stay in Din’s bed forever. Even though it’s soft and warm and smells like him – fresh yet with a hint of spicy musk. You really can’t.

Fumbling to activate the lamp, you drain the water on the nightstand, noting your clothes strewn across the floor. Thankfully, they don’t smell of alcohol or vomit (at least you’re a tidy drunk), so you get dressed and stumble to the refresher. More memories return at that crime scene, adding to your shame spiral and giving you a likely reason for your bruised shoulder.

Din has left his ultrasound cleaner out of the cabinet, which has to be a suggestion that you use it, and you can take a hint. You recall complaining that your mouth tasted like bantha balls, and accepting his pity is the lesser evil. Though it’s far more than you deserve, it’s also far better than this flavour.

You gladly let the vibrations clean your mouth and then rinse away the residue, feeling much better for it. It’s not enough to ease your thumping headache, but it’s a start.

You can’t hear any noise from upstairs or across the hall, so you wonder if your hosts are still asleep. It’s clearly past dawn since daylight is spilling down the staircase, but it could still be early. Maybe you can just slip out unnoticed? You debate checking on Grogu first. Din probably slept on the couch, though there’s a cushioned chair in the kid’s room that he could’ve used.

Guilt and concern make you check on your charge despite the risk of waking a metal sentinel. But you’re surprised to discover an empty room. That means they’re either both upstairs and being quiet, or they’ve gone out. You’re hoping for the latter. Zandi insisted you meet her for lunch, but part of you wants to run straight to your friend’s place and cry about what an idiot you’ve been. Hmm, no. You should go home for a shower first. Not that it could wash off the disgrace, but it might ease your aching head, at least.

You dart across the hall for your shoes, straightening out your boss’s sheets before you leave (a token apology, if anything). Catching sight of a comb on top of his dresser sends another type of guilt burning through you. Stealing his bed was already an invasion of privacy, but learning about what he hides beneath the beskar feels worse. You anxiously smooth down the blankets, flick off the lamp, and tiptoe up the stairs.

Thankfully, you find an empty living space, lit by sunshine so bright that you realise it’s already mid-morning. Din must have taken Grogu to school.

There’s no sign of your glowrod, but you don’t care. He can keep it. You shove on your boots with as much haste as you can manage and fly to the exit, darting through. Kriff, it’s so blinding outside that you have to turn your back to the sun or risk your hangover increasing tenfold.

Just as you’re gulping lungfuls of fresh air and keying in the lock code to secure the cabin, you hear him.

“Feeling better?”

The Mandalorian steps out from behind the cabin, and you wonder if he’s been waiting to ambush you. Damn it, you should’ve known. Bounty hunter.

You can’t look him in the eyes. Well, the visor, really. Either way, you fix your gaze on the porch. You’d normally come out with something playful and witty, but today, your brain gives you nothing except wry honesty.

“The hangover and torturous headache are nothing compared to my embarrassment,” you answer sheepishly. “I am so sorry about last night.”

You don’t specify which part because you mean all of it. Drinking to excess and throwing up in his home, as well as climbing into his bed, stripping off, and assuming he would fuck you, then commenting on how you thought he couldn’t fuck you. You’re sure you’ll never live down this shame.

Din doesn’t respond to your apology, but he steps forward, a wall of beskar and muscle blocking you from leaving the porch. He leans past you – so close he almost traps you against the door – and reverses the lock code you just entered.

When the door behind you swishes open again, he gestures inside with a nod. “We gotta talk.”

Oh, frotz, this is bad. This is so so so bad. He’s normally relaxed and happy around you, welcoming (or at least tolerating) your friendly jokes and nicknames. But right now, he’s all stiffness and silence, thumbs in his belt and elbows out wide, staring you down as if you were prey. He is not happy with you. You’ve fucked up bad.

You’re going to lose your job. It’s not a substantial source of income, but you’ll lose your bonding time with the kid and the friendly teasing thing you’ve developed with his dad. You won’t get to watch how strong and beautiful this warrior-turned-father is anymore, how soft he is with Grogu, despite his hard beskar shell. There’ll be no more shooting lessons. He’s going to tell you how offensive your remarks were last night… kark, what if he has a duty to punish anyone who disrespects his creed? Is it disrespectful to suggest he can’t have sex, though? Maybe the offensive thing was you throwing yourself at him. Or perhaps he thinks you’re hideous and finds the idea of having sex with you offensive. Whatever the case, he’s going to—

“Maia….”

Hearing your name growled through his modulator snaps you out of your spiralling thoughts, and you realise you’re just standing there gawking at him in the doorway.

Suddenly, you feel meek in his presence, which has never happened before. Even when you first met, he was careful to make you feel safe and welcome. This menacing demeanour is new.

“Please,” you whisper, your voice trembling. “Can I just go home?”

Din looms closer like a rancor threatening its prey. “This won’t take long,” he insists.

With widened eyes, you shrink back toward the scene of your crimes, your near freedom now a fool’s delusion. He walks forward as you step backward across the cabin’s threshold, maintaining the proximity – a fateful dance that promises a morning even more tragic than the night before.

“Sit,” he commands, gesturing to the couch. He watches you perch yourself where you’re told to and then nods, appeased by your obedience.

A heavy silence clouds the room as your soon-to-be-ex boss flicks on the caf maker and heats the beverage while you quietly unravel on the couch. You’re not even sure what this is. It feels like he’s about to punish you (and not in a good way), but you have no idea how. Is he going to yell at you? Torture you with some kind of ritualistic Mandalorian justice? Or is he just going to describe how disappointed he is, fire you from this job, and threaten to roast you with his flamethrowers if he catches you anywhere near Grogu?

Whatever’s about to happen, you’re zealously ignoring the part of you that’s low-key turned on by how dominant he’s acting this morning. You can’t examine that right now.

After a minute or two, Din brings a cup to the couch and perches beside you, performing an awkward shuffle as he angles his body toward you. Still unsure how to act, you remain facing straight ahead, watching him in your peripheral.

He’s fully armoured this morning, his movements determined but stiff, and you recall how fluidly his body moved when he was just down to his flight suit. When he swept you into his arms, cradled you against his chest, and carried you to his bed…

No! Bad thoughts! Now is not the time for those because you’re about to receive the worst reprimand of your life (and you work for Karga!).

But your brain won’t stop replaying the memory, leading you to a distracting notion. He keeps his armour on the shelves in his bedroom – you saw it there last night. That means he must have come in to grab it this morning while you were sleeping. Damn, he’s stealthy! Though, to be fair, you were utterly passed out.

Wait. You woke up fully covered and tucked in. You don’t recall falling asleep, but you do remember arranging the blanket for optimum cleavage display. Kark, you really hope you snuggled down properly in your sleep. Because if not, there’s a chance that he opened his door to an inadvertent boob extravaganza, and he covered you up for the sake of your dignity. Fuck! How much shame can you suffer in a single morning?

He still hasn’t started talking, so before your thoughts ricochet in yet another distressing direction, you prompt, “You, uh, said we need to talk?” It’s probably best to confront your impending doom so you can run home and scream into a pillow.

Din huffs a little. “We do. Doesn’t mean I know how to start.”

Hmm, well, he doesn’t seem too angry, at least. Perhaps there won’t be any Mandalorian torture-based vengeance after all.

You don’t have the energy to play ‘guess the punishment’, but maybe you can stave it off if you beg for mercy. “Okay, then let me start. I said and did some monumentally stupid things last night, and I understand if you can’t forgive me and never want to see me again. But I just need you to know how truly sorry I am and that I really didn’t mean to offend you, and if I could—”

“Stop apologising,” he interrupts, shaking his helmet.

His order startles you into silence. It was insistent, but he didn’t sound angry at all. In fact, there was an undertone of something else. Almost the amused side of frustrated. What the kriff is happening?

Din sighs and tilts his visor toward his lap, then seems surprised to realise he’s still clutching the caf he made but clearly can’t drink in your presence. He silently offers you the steaming cup, and after a beat, you accept it, staring at it just as he did.

Never has a cup of caf received as much scrutiny as when two parties are unsure how to vocalise their thoughts.

“I made it for you,” he offers. “Thought… with the hangover….”

“Thanks,” you mumble, unsure what else to do or say. This isn’t going as expected at all, and your confusion is only growing. Is he doing some kind of bounty hunter ‘killing with kindness’ act?

This is absurd. You just need to get him talking, accept your punishment, and then you can escape.

“Um,” you begin, and his shadowed visor fixes on you again, unsettling you further. “If… if you don’t want to hear my apologies… what do you want to talk about?”

Your reluctant host forces out his response like it’s stuck inside his throat. “I want… I wanna ask you… some things. And I need you to answer honestly.”

Your stomach churns with nerves. He has questions? He must want you to explain what you said. He’s going to make you relive it – not by telling you how offensive you were, but by making you deconstruct your own comments and actions.

Kark. It’s a punishment, alright.

But if the penalty for your folly is the discomfort of explaining yourself, you can deal with that. This is a man you’re used to teasing, and he sounds just as unsure about what to say here as you are. So, you need to gather your confidence and endure whatever awkwardness this brings up.

You square your shoulders and lift your chin. “Okay… ask me.”

“You’ll answer? Honestly?” There’s an edge of desperation in Din’s voice from which you intuit his real meaning. You need to check any joking at the door.

Well, your current embarrassment level is sky-high, so whatever he wants you to respond to or admit surely can’t be much worse. You’ve already laid yourself (literally) bare for him. “I will. You got a slice of my inner dialogue last night, so I might as well continue the honesty.”

“Good… thank you.” He releases a profound sigh, a rush of static through the vocoder, and appears to gather himself for his first question. “Why do you think my creed means I can’t…?” He trails off, but you follow his meaning and match his heavy sigh.

“I don’t really think that,” you assure him. “Honestly, I’ve never known what to think, which means I’ve made no assumptions either way. But I guess… my drunken brain felt it was… safer to err on the side of caution when addressing it out loud.”

You’re not in the least bit surprised that he’s starting with this. If he is a virgin, you’ve mocked him, and if he isn’t, you’ve no doubt hurt his pride.

When he doesn’t respond, you suggest, “If that’s your first question, it sounds like you’re worried I’m judging you, so let me reinforce what I just said. ‘No assumptions’ means ‘no judgments’. But if you want to clarify things, I can promise you that whatever the truth is, I still won’t judge you.”

The importance Din is giving this topic is by far the biggest clue to the likely truth. No virgin would question you in the way that he just did. If they mentioned it at all, they’d probably just insist it’s not a topic for you to concern yourself with and never speak of it again. But inviting him to confirm his expertise gives him an easy way to lay the matter to rest. It’s also the kindest thing to do in the wake of your drunken foolishness.

He nods a fraction, accepting the premise, pausing while he chooses his words. “My creed doesn’t impose any rules relating to that, only that I cannot remove my helmet. And… some people kind of, uh… they get off on the mystery. So I do pretty well when I need to… blow off some steam.”

Huh. That was surprisingly direct (for him). You can’t help but smile, wondering if your delight stems from finally having proof that he isn’t without experience or that this discussion (so far) isn’t about how badly you fucked up.

Hoping to conceal your thoughts and keep the focus on him, you instantly slide back into teasing mode with a new nickname and a vague compliment of sorts. “Super Stud! You’re very discreet.”

“That’s the idea,” he confirms, ignoring his new moniker. “Although it’s by no means frequent, and since I got Grogu, I haven’t had….” He clears his throat. “Time and opportunity are rare.”

As much as you wish Din would choose to ‘blow off some steam’ with you, all you hear is a chance to atone for last night’s thoughtless actions. “I can take care of him while you go have some fun…?”

A massive scoff comes through the vocoder, and he shakes his helmet widely. “No, Maia, that’s… that’s not gonna work.”

But you persist, desperate to make amends. “Oh, come on, Metal Man, you deserve a break. Isn’t there anyone on Nevarro you can call for some fun?”

He sighs. “I have… options, yes.”

You furrow your brow at that. “So why did you say time and opportunity are rare? If you’ve got options, why don’t you just get your shiny ass laid while I do what you pay me for and take care of—”

A distinctly peeved huff crackles through the modulator, and you instantly fall silent. You forgot you’re not supposed to be teasing. Nor is it clear yet whether you still have a job. Foot, meet mouth.

He curtly redirects you. “Next question.” You assent with a nod, but when he continues, his tone is suddenly guarded and awkward. “Last night, you said… you suggested… that you and I might… blow off some steam.”

Fuck, this is the part you were dreading, and your pulse picks up. He seems nervous. Is that good or bad? Well, it’s better than angry and scary. You try to freeze your movements to avoid either wincing or looking too eager, nervously awaiting his question.

“Was that… because of the alcohol? Or… something, uh… real?” All you detect in his voice is discomfort, so you can’t tell which option he hopes for.

You sigh and take a careful slurp of the scalding hot caf to buy yourself time. It’s hard to answer because there’s a lot at risk. If you’re too honest about your feelings and Din doesn’t feel the same way, your relationship might end – professional as well as personal.

But once again, the fact that he’s asking suggests your answer is important to him, so the odds are likely in your favour. If he wasn’t attracted to you, surely he’d play it down and give you a way to save face. Just say he knew your silly drunken advances were simply an extension of your usual urge to tease and meant nothing, and that he forgives you for them. Surely he wouldn’t ask if they were ‘real’.

The concept sparks a tiny flame of hope in a dark and dusty corner of your mind, a pinprick of light to chase away the fears you walked in here with.

However, you can’t be too hasty or draw conclusions without facts. Though this isn’t going as dreadfully as you feared it might, the sensible option is to avoid getting your hopes up. He asked you for honesty, so you’ll give him that, but you decide to err on the side of caution again. An assumption against any interest on his part shouldn’t be offensive.

“It wasn’t… totally the alcohol,” you confess cautiously, and you see his body instantly tense up. Is that a positive reaction? “I’ve been trying to remember exactly what I said to you. I told you it was a ‘dream’, right?” Din nods once. “Well… that’s true. I admit I’ve had some daydreams about the idea. But it felt… safer not to mention it. Last night, you made it clear you weren’t interested in me, and you’ve never given me any reason to think otherwise, so I—”

“I did no such thing.”

Shit. The anger you were afraid of is finally colouring the Mandalorian’s tone, and he leans forward with his vehement denial.

What did you say wrong? Did you tease too soon with the new nickname just now? Shock and confusion contort themselves across your face, and you shrink backward.

He almost growls at your retreat, and the creak of his leather gloves as he clenches his fists has you bracing yourself for trouble. You honestly can’t tell if you’re turned on or terrified.

Before you can decide, he declares, “Last night, I had to walk away from a beautiful naked woman in my bed because she’d been drinking, and I would never do anything without full consent. I did not make it clear I wasn’t interested in you. Fuck, Maia, I have dreams about you too. All the time.”

Your mouth hangs open in surprise. Even knowing it was vaguely possible, you weren’t ready for that response.

He has dreams about you too!

Now that he’s confessed what got him so worked up, you see him make a visible effort to calm down.

His next words are much softer, soothing your prior unease, though your heart continues to thump from his admission. “Time and opportunity are rare because you’re Grogu’s babysitter, and that kid loves you. When he’s not with me, he wants to be with you. He only goes to school twice a week. That’s not a lot of time or—”

“—or opportunity,” you finish. “Okay, I get it. Why didn’t you say anything before? We could’ve been blowing off steam on schooldays for months already, but I had no idea. I would’ve climbed naked into your bed way sooner if I’d known.”

Din groans, a low and sinful rumble, and you wonder if you shouldn’t have put those images in his mind.

A deep breath later, he answers, “My son is my priority; his needs come before mine. He needs a good babysitter more than I need a good… uh….” He trails off and clears his throat. “And last night was the first time you’d ever said anything. I had no idea either.”

“But, but…” you stammer. Okay, so you’ve been keeping it to yourself, but you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on your attraction at all. “I’m flirting and checking you out all the crinking time, Metal Man. I thought bounty hunters were observant?”

He hums as if he’s flattered by your admission. “Teasing me is not a sign of anything on its own. And I’ve never seen you look anywhere other than directly at my helmet. You would’ve noticed my interest otherwise.” You furrow your brow slightly, not following, and he shakes his head in frustration. “You never look down.”

You look down.

Holy mother of meteors…

That is one obscenely snug flight suit and one fucking impressive erection.

Granted, you’ve noticed he’s been wearing the loose flight suit pants more often. In fact, you’ve missed being able to check out his toned ass in the closer-fitting ones. But since you can’t see where he’s looking, you’ve always been careful to keep your roving eyes chaste whenever he’s facing you. And, kriff, you never figured the reason for his wardrobe change was to hide this glorious attribute.

“Wow,” you breathe, unsure of what else to say. Suddenly, the volume on your headache reduces, and your lust levels shoot up. It’s so….

Din fidgets slightly, perhaps on edge because of your sudden scrutiny. Oops.

You revert your gaze to his visor, chancing some levity to ease the tension. “If I wasn’t fighting a skull-splitting hangover, I’d have a whole host of new nicknames for you already. Something about being as hard as beskar or carrying a concealed weapon… ugh, gimme a day, I’ll come up with a winner.”

His chuckle suggests the ice between you is now well and truly broken. You knock back the rest of your caf in the relaxed pause. It’s still hotter than you prefer, but perhaps it’ll quell your desire.

He lets you finish before breaking the easy silence. “Another question before you go, if it’s okay. Maybe a couple more, depending on how you answer the first one. I’d rather not leave this topic hanging now that we’ve addressed it.”

“Sure.” Right now, you’re willing to give this man whatever he wants.

“Okay. There’s another reason I walked away last night – besides your drunken state. It’s why I haven’t mentioned this before.” He swallows and inhales shakily. “You told me that your last relationship was terrible. And the fact that you chose to celebrate its end tells me you value your freedom. On my side, my relationships are rarely meaningful or long-term. So it might seem easiest to keep things casual.”

He pauses, but it’s unclear whether he wants your input. You can’t tell where he’s going with this, so you give him a one-shouldered shrug.

He leans forward and rests his vambraces on his cuisses. “If Grogu wasn’t around, it might be. But casual never ends well, and I will not threaten the bond you two have just for something meaningless. For the child’s sake, we gotta be sure where we stand before we… act on any of this. I can’t do casual with you, Maia. So the first question is: are you interested enough to try something… meaningful? Because if you’re not, we gotta bury this.”

He’s right. You start to understand why he got so worked up at your admission that you’re attracted to him for real. It complicates things.

He’s asked a logical and vital question, and you take a moment to give it due attention. Whatever happens, this cannot threaten your employment. So where are the lines?

You’ve felt something for Din from the start, and your attraction has only grown. That line is already blurred, and it hasn’t threatened anything, but it helps you see what he’s getting at. Your attachment to him and Grogu has become far more profound than you expected, so you couldn’t do casual even if you tried. It could only harm your bond with the kid if you tried to repress that attachment and keep things casual with his father.

Simply put, your feelings are already meaningful, so whatever comes next must be too.

Strangely, that doesn’t scare you. Your prior experience was poor – both oppressive and neglectful – but you were a displaced teenager on a new planet looking for protection when you got into that. Din is nothing like your ex, and this couldn’t be more different. You have faith in this man and, thus, faith in your answer.

“I am,” you confirm with a smile. “Are you?” He’s already confirmed he won’t do casual, but you need his agreement to start something meaningful.

He swallows, then echoes, “I am.”

A thrilling but weighty moment passes as you both digest this, just staring at one another in the wake of your mutual confessions. The air feels charged with promise. You can almost taste it.

It’s hard to judge how long has passed when he speaks again. “Second question. Did you use my ultrasound cleaner?”

Well, that’s a non sequitur. You have no idea how this query relates to your previous answer, but you nod nonetheless.

“Great. Come with me.”

He stands and leads you downstairs, stepping into his room and tapping on the main lights. When he sees that you’ve made his bed, he hums happily.

You’re quiet but hopeful, the heady feeling of promise that consumed you last night slowly filling you up once more as he turns to face you and beckons you closer.

“We should take this slow,” he starts. “You’re hungover, and I want you to feel comfortable when we….” He nods at the bed, oddly still reticent to describe the act.

“When we fuck.”

Din releases the cutest whimper and tugs at his pants. “That is not helping me with this problem. If you keep talking like that, I might not be able to resist,” he warns.

You scoff. “Shiny, are you really trying to threaten me with sex? Kriff, please tell me you didn’t use this tactic on any bounties back in the day.”

“No, I did not. And I’m trying to save that until your head doesn’t hurt,” he sighs. “But… question three. Before you go home, can I… kiss you?”

Your eyebrows shoot up as surprise and desire collide and carve a messy path through your chest, sending your heart tumbling into a double-time beat.

“Are you…” You’re not quite sure how to phrase your query, still chagrined by last night’s verbal blunders. “Is that some kind of metaphor? Does ‘kissing’ mean something different for Mandalorians with the whole helmet thing? Because if we’re just gonna thumb wrestle or something, I’m still in, but it’s kind of weird to call it kissing.”

He chuckles, and it eases your worry. “We do have a kissing substitute, but no, in this case, I meant what I said. I just gotta turn the lights out so you can’t see me when I remove my helmet. If that’s okay.”

All of your fears and concerns melt away with his answer. Gone are your worries about your budding romance having awkward or difficult restrictions, replaced by a certainty that you can handle not making eye contact. If observing that single caveat allows you to be with this man, you don’t even consider it a sacrifice.

Well, if he brought you down here to ensure it’s dark enough, you can help with that. You saunter to the door and touch the control to slide it closed, blocking out the sunshine filtering down the stairs, and then you turn to him with a smile. “It’s very okay. I’m not leaving here without a kiss, Din.”

He sucks in a modulated breath and doesn’t move for a second. “You… used my name.”

You know you’re allowed to – he’s told you that many times – but you find the nicknames help to maintain a friendly distance. Treat him as a friend, not as a lover. Except now things are changing.

“I thought I’d practice,” you explain. “I’m guessing that when we do get in that bed together, you’d prefer I scream out your real name instead of ‘Shiny’ or ‘Beskar Boy’.”

He groans sinfully again and reaches for you, fixing a glove around your wrist and tugging you to stand beside the shelves he stores his armour on. “Don’t move,” he instructs. Then he releases your wrist and taps a button on his vambrace, and the lights very slowly fade out until the room is darker than the void between galaxies.

Suddenly, sensations are everything. You can detect the warmth of Din’s body so close to yours, though you’re not yet touching. You hear him breathing more audibly than usual, a gentle but slightly stuttered hiss through the vocoder. You feel the air swirl around you as he raises his hands to his helmet…

The rhythmic thump of your heartbeat quickens, and despite your lack of sight, it’s as if the events occur in flashes between the beats. The absence of sound as you hold your breath. The gentle rustle as he slides off the metal helmet. The muffled clang when it hits the shelf as he lines it up. The scrape of the edge as he pushes it home. The nervous breath he releases in the subsequent silence, reminding you to exhale too.

Then he’s reaching for you, and your mind goes blank as his hands find your hips, closing the distance further. It’s not close enough to feel his arousal against you, although that’s probably wise. But if you weren’t still harbouring a headache, you’d be unable to resist pressing forward and seeking the impressive bulge you admired upstairs. Instead, you lay your palms on his cuirass and slide upward, burying your fingers in his cloak. That’s as high as you’ll go until you know what’s allowed.

One of Din’s gloved hands engulfs the nape of your neck, and you love how he’s controlling this, moving you in the dark to where he wants you. You can tell he’s leaned in closer by the sound of his breathing – more audible without the beskar barrier. Then there’s a sense of warmth on your skin as he brings you close enough to nuzzle at your hairline, gently at first, until you register the distinct press of his nose against your temple.

You feel it just before he speaks, his breath tickling near your ear as he opens his mouth to husk smooth, unmodulated words. “Go easy on me; it’s been a while since I’ve done this.”

Fuck, his voice is gorgeous. It resonates through you like a rumbling storm, drenching you with wanton promise, unleashing a different wetness upon you. If there were any frequency that could subdue your headache, it would be his soft and smoky timbre.

“Oh?” It’s all you can manage; a single syllable of surprise at his admission. He seems so confident.

“Mm,” he confirms, brushing his lips softly near the corner of your eye, and you detect some stubble around them. “Before we swear the Creed, we spend a while doing the things we’re taught to avoid after. I’ve only used this loophole once since then. So….” He trails off and presses a gentle kiss to the crest of your cheekbone, warm lips on soft skin, and you melt in his arms.

You want to assure him that he’s nailing it, preparing you so perfectly that he seems like an expert kisser, no matter how little practice he’s had. You want to thank him for deeming you worthy enough to use this rare loophole and express your stunned gratitude at the privilege he’s allowing you. But the notion of speaking confounds you, and all you can do is lift your chin and indicate your willingness to do this.

Din gets the message.

You can sense his nerves in the way he cautiously presses his lips against yours. But in the millisecond it takes to register a connection, your body reacts before your brain and electricity shoots through your nerve endings. Instantly, thousands of perfect explosions stud your skin, making you shiver in bliss.

He’s sweet, gentle, respectful… and it’s good. But it’s a little chaste for your liking, and you can tell he’s holding himself back. He needs to let go, so you emit a low hum of pleasure, which spurs him on and increases his fervour. You gently part your lips, and he gets the hint and takes the lead, deepening the kiss until your tongues meet – a touch that halts the spin of the whole galaxy around you.

Then he lets go. It’s as if he’s suddenly remembered how to breathe after holding his breath for decades, and oh, how utterly starved of oxygen he’s been. This kiss is feeding him, keeping him alive. His tightened grip, the tremors of lust you detect running through him, the way he almost whimpers into your mouth… it’s assertive and adorable in equal measures.

You can feel his inexperience, but you let him lead anyway. He gets lost in the sensations a few times, his rhythm faltering, but he corrects himself and responds keenly to your subtle signals of what’s good. It’s not long before you’re locked in a perfect moment, sharing an exquisite kiss with your ideal man.

When you part, it’s by mere centimetres, and you’re so full of happy chemicals that your hangover is barely a niggle at the back of your brain.

“I think that fixed my headache,” you purr against his lips. “I bet I could even thumb wrestle you now….” You have no clue what you’re implying, but you’re low-key horny, and openly flirting with him for once is fun.

Din’s unmodulated chuckle is the cutest thing you’ve ever heard. “Well, I was aiming for ‘mindblowing’, but I’ll take ‘headache-fixing’,” he jests, bantering right back for once. You can’t help but close the tiny distance to steal another lingering yet closed-mouth kiss, eager to show him just how addictive his efforts were.

Once again, your lips barely separate, lingering close. “Oh, it’s blown alright – completely offline. Probably why it doesn’t hurt anymore.” A salacious idea comes to you then, and you voice it a hair’s breadth from his mouth, knowing he’ll refuse but wanting to show you’re willing. “Maybe now it’s my turn to blow something of yours….”

The sharp gasp he sucks in and raggedly exhales indicates he’s just pictured your suggestion and played the image to its fruition. In the pitch-black room, you can pick up on his obvious arousal through sound and touch – the almost-groan he swallows, the twitch of all the muscles in his body as he reins himself in.

There’s a pause as he considers your proposal, and you can tell he’s waging a war with himself to refuse. You’ve put him in a difficult position. But this new closeness allows you to upgrade friendly teasing into full-on flirting, and you can’t resist.

It takes longer than you expect, but Din finally releases a shuddering breath, swallows, and presses a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth. Then he rasps, “I would enjoy that very much, but it’s not why I brought you down here, mesh’la.”

Mesh’la? Who the fuck is that? You stiffen in his arms, unable to process the idea that he’s just said someone else’s name during an intimate moment. Even if it does sound similar enough to yours that you could maybe understand the slip, how could he—?

“Maia,” you correct pointedly as your thoughts spiral, pulling away slightly, your stomach suddenly in knots.

He tightens his hold and hurriedly assures you, “Hey, no, it’s not— mesh’la means ‘beautiful’ in Mando’a.”

There’s a tense pause, and then you murmur, “Ah,” embarrassed and glad you didn’t instantly flip out at your incorrect assumption, then suddenly flattered by the compliment. As you fall back into his embrace, your sluggish brain gives you nothing more, too confused by the pelting of emotions you just received in quick succession. Perhaps it’s best to adopt Din’s usual policy of silence.

But he saves you from your chagrin and redirects you to another topic. “Final question. Can I make you dinner one evening this week? We agreed we’re aiming for something… meaningful here. Getting physical right away is not the best way to achieve that.” He squeezes your waist with the hand that’s remained in place throughout. “As much as I’m looking forward to that part.”

A sweet smile is your reply, though you realise he can’t see it in the dark. Luckily, it’s followed up by the return of your vocabulary. “Dinner sounds good. Grogu too?” You love the little womp rat, but this sounds like a date, so you’d rather it wasn’t crashed by a decades-old toddler.

Din hums as he follows your thought process. “The kids at his school keep inviting him on playdates and sleepovers. The parents seem like good people, so I’m sure we could arrange something both he and I would be happy with.”

You nod. “Then I look forward to our first date.” You can’t imagine how a dinner date will work with a guy who can’t show his face, but at least now you know there are loopholes. Perhaps he has another for eating together.

“Me too… mesh’la Maia.” You hear his slightly cheeky but utterly earnest tone, and you can’t help grinning. How apt that he should give you a nickname just when you decide to start using his real name.

You want to kiss him again, but since you pulled away a little, you can’t judge where his face is anymore, and you’re not sure if you’re allowed to touch him to locate it. “Another kiss before I leave, gorgeous guy?” (Two can play the nickname game, and you started it).

“Always,” Din agrees through a chuckle, bringing you in close again with the hand on your neck, finding your lips and pressing something firmer, more resolute there. You open eagerly for him and revel in the thrust of his tongue against yours. He’s settling into it now, more confident in himself and his technique, while carefully heeding your responses.

You enjoy it while you can – the sensations, the taste, the warmth, the delicious calm energy that washes through you with his lips on yours, his tongue in your mouth, his hand on your neck. You commit the feelings to memory, unsure when you’ll get to do it again. You hope you won’t have to wait too long for your date.

It’s over too soon, but you accept that it has to be. As you separate, you attempt to lock in the memories of the features you’ve felt pressed against you – stubble, soft lips, a strong nose. It’s not much, but it’s more than you had before.

Din’s hand falls from your neck, and you bemoan the loss of heat and comfort, spiralling back toward your hangover from the heady heights of such an intimate moment. As you hear the scrape of his helmet on the shelf’s edge again, you panic a little and blurt out, “What’s your hair like?”

He freezes, and your panic swells for a different reason. Based on the comb you spotted on his dresser earlier, you’re confident you’re not asking a bald man to describe his hair, but perhaps it’s forbidden to ask.

“I-I mean, if I’m not allowed to know, then forget I asked. I just… now that I’ve felt your lips, it’s made me wonder about the rest. It’s fine if you can’t tell me, though.”

A few seconds later, the scrape of the helmet resumes, and he slides it into his grasp. But you don’t hear him put it on.

Din’s reply is a low whisper, and he sounds even more nervous than he was before you kissed. “You can’t see my face… but you can touch it. If you want.”

Oh. You wonder how many people have touched his face, which makes you hesitate. This feels more intimate than you should be getting right now. “Thank you. I think… just your hair today. I’ll explore the rest of you on our date, face included.” That promise wins you an eager hum.

Your hands remain buried in his cloak, so you slide one to the back of his neck and rake upward. A gasp escapes you as you feel soft strands, longer than you expected and curling slightly at the ends. You picture the cutest mess of unruly waves.

“Is it… what colour is it?” You’ve seen him without his gloves a few times – last night included – so you know his skin is a warm amber. But human genetics are so diverse that you can’t really assume anything about his hair based on that.

It takes a few seconds for him to answer, busy sighing in bliss and pressing his head into your palm like a tooka getting stroked. “Dark,” he replies simply. It’s unclear whether he’s hypnotised by your hand in his hair or he’s not used to disclosing details about himself. Both are fair excuses, and you have much more data than you did ten minutes ago either way. You’re convinced he’s gorgeous.

“Thank you, Din,” you offer as you force yourself to stop running your fingers through his silken waves and withdraw a step.

There’s a quiet rustle as he places his helmet back on and seals it. “You’re welcome.” It’s modulated again, but there’s something about hearing that metallic rasp that makes you smile. You just kissed the source of that sound.

With a muffled beep from his vambrace, the lights fade up again, revealing an impassive black T-visor. However, the armoured body below it somehow looks more relaxed and assured. Gone is the stiffness you felt in his limbs earlier, and though you wonder if a certain stiffness in his pants remains, you’re not about to start ogling him when you should be going home.

So you smile and suggest, “Walk me out?” and you’re rewarded with a nod.

When you exit the cabin for the second time in one morning, you feel like a different person. Though your foggy head throbs and your bruised shoulder smarts, your very essence sparkles with an energy you’ve never felt before. It flares with each lingering touch the Mandalorian bestows upon you, with every prolonged stare of his visor, and with his soft instruction to get home safe.

He’ll call you, he promises, slipping a new comlink into your hand.

When you exit the cabin for the second time in one morning, you feel like a better person. The girl who disgraced herself last night has gone, leaving a happier and more fulfilled version in her place. Even so, you’re sure glad that idiot version of yourself ran her mouth and became the catalyst for your new path with Din.

And you can’t wait to look down again. Maybe next time you’ll get to go down too.

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Get ready for more loquacious end notes…

Maia’s job was inspired by this scene from s3e5. She’s not a civil engineer, but, like, she could be that girl with the datapad – doing all the planning and building the holos while the engineer gets all the glory (can you tell I work in a support role??).

I originally wrote details at the end of part one of everything Din decided – that she must be attracted to him based on how she worded things, and that he’d talk to her to verify that and determine whether it was something she’d like to act on or just ignore. But I realised it was better for the story to leave his intentions a mystery (is the thing he ‘doesn’t want to have to do’ ejecting her from his life, or simply having a grownup conversation?), which hopefully lets you feel more of Maia’s fear here.

I feel like there’s a lot of scope for misunderstandings, not just because of Din’s helmet, but also because he can be socially awkward. So there he is, massively attracted to this girl who threw herself at him the night before but he doesn’t know what to say, so he just sort of gravitates towards her, tries to get close. Is he sort of flirting? Maybe. The ‘get in their personal space’ thing might work for him when he’s casually picking someone up. So his actions here are him trying to say with body language “I like you too, I want to get closer,” but she misunderstands because of her embarrassment, sees it as intimidation, and shies away – a response which makes him even more clueless about how to vocalise things.

I hope the switch from third person (she/her) pronouns in part 1 Din’s POV to second person (you/your) pronouns in part 2 Maia’s POV wasn’t too clunky. I know it’s popular in this fandom to use second-person pronouns (you/your) even when writing from a third person’s POV (Din’s), but I just can’t make myself do it. If he’s the one whose head we’re in, when he’s thinking about the woman he’s attracted to, he wouldn’t be thinking “damn, you’re hot”, he’d be thinking “damn, she’s hot”. I was taught that we should hear internal dialogue exactly as it would sound to the person thinking it, thus we should use third-person pronouns when inside his head. You/your is only for when we’re inside the reader’s head (second-person POV so second-person pronouns). And of course, I/me pronouns are used if we’re ever inside the author’s head (first person POV). I hope that explains the switch here. I swear I can’t help my annoying adherence to grammar rules – it’s just been drilled into me. I wish I could be more flexible sometimes, but unfortunately the autism always wins 😔

GIF made by me again, slightly less blurry this time.

Definitions: An ultrasound cleaner is basically a sonic toothbrush from Legends. Both Boba Fett and Jabba the Hutt kept a rancor as a rather scary pet. Caf, as you probably know, is the SWU’s coffee. Din (and Maia here) often calls Grogu a womp rat, a pest on Tatooine (proving Din has spent long enough there to pick up the local lingo, and Maia has picked it up from him). A tooka is an SWU cat.

As always, comments/kudos (AO3) and likes/reblogs (Tumblr) will inspire me to produce more things. I don’t have a Kofi because I would rather have your help marketing my stories than take your cash, so if you enjoy my work, please support me with kudos and reblogs. Thanks!

Honestly, I’m not altogether thrilled with this fic. I struggle with shorter (ha!) pieces because, as those of you who have read Be-All And Endor will know, I’m much more comfortable playing the long game and writing things where I can focus on character development, foreshadow future events, reference and call back concepts, and do a heck of a lot of worldbuilding. So to me, this feels like it lacks depth because it’s a very simple and straightforward concept that lacks a full-on conflict/resolution arc, and as a character study it’s nothing that hasn’t been done before. I’ve also been struggling to write something I felt was good enough to publish in the wake of Be-All. I don’t think this passes muster, but in the end, I realised I had to just post something – anything – simply to get past that fear of doing it. So I hope this was interesting enough to at least hold your attention! I suppose I could write a part 3 where they have their date and the smut happens, but to be honest, I have several other smutty fics in the works that have much better setups, so I think I should focus on those. I might come back to this one day, though.

Tags requested…

@aheadfullofsteverogers @alltheotps @axolotllover225 @burntheedges @copperhalfcent

@dindenimchicken @feekedbeat @foomoosworld @jude77 @penvisions

@pigeonmama @secretelephanttattoo @stagerightlauren @the-mandawhor1an @titlee78

I tagged those below in part 1 due to interest in my series masterlist and WIP snippets (comments/reblogs). Nobody told me off for my audacity, so I’m hoping you’ll enjoy part 2 also…

@604to647 @cheekychaos28 @djarinmuse @gingerlurk

@joelalorian @kyberblade @readingupsidedown @sunflowersunlight7-blog

@thefrogdalorian @whataenginerd @wrathkitty

[laryna6]

Hmm, Cha Hae-In... if she ran into Sung Jin-Woo at the sword school somehow and is ? that he smells good?

Sugar Mama Cha Hae-In + the Hunters’ Guild going ‘these two are adorable we are going to make this ship sail’

Also he’s adorable and her sword teacher tells her that he keeps getting injured but keeps going on hunts, people think he’s an idiot rich boy in it for the thrill but he doesn’t buy that, no defense and yet he gets wounded protecting their healer too.

Cha Hae-In using her vice guildmaster position to offer him a position on the resource gathering teams, and watching as he goes from shut down and dead inside to smiling and friendly and starting to actually talk to people. They’re like sure, he’s not the fastest/strongest worker, but he’s hard working and does his best and pays attention to instructions.

Meanwhile Sung Jin-Woo is ‘this job comes with medical insurance!’ and Jin-Ah is ‘I don’t have to worry about my brother dying anymore! The Hunter’s Guild would absolutely have like, whole guild social functions where you bring your family and Jin-Ah wanting to talk to Cha Hae-In and explaining the situation and being ‘thank you so much for saving the life of my last family.’

So Cha Hae-In is *manly tears* Such a wonderful big brother! So filial! So cute!

Sung Jin-Woo starts bringing her lunch to thank her and she’s ‘you don’t have to...’ (but it’s really good) ‘I am rich af let me pay you’ and Sung Jin-Woo is ‘sure’ because money.

... to skip ahead, shadow!Choi Jong-In continuing to do paperwork, corresponence and checking over payroll after death leaves him Not Impressed with Ashborn wanting to ditch Jin-Woo (especially after finding out Ashborn made Jin-Woo responsible for his army)

So like, the entire Hunter’s Guild is like, ‘Cha Hae-In has a boyfriend... but we already know him and he is a Good Kid not like, someone who wants to feel dominant over a powerful woman or any of that BS and oh hey this food is really good’ So Choi Jong-In goes ‘we’re going to have a cafeteria now and provide lunches for all the gate teams’ and puts Sung Jin-Woo in charge of it and people are like ‘this is why we call u a genius’

People are like ‘when are you going to ask him out’ and Cha Hae-In is ‘as vice guildmaster I’m his boss! I can’t hit on him!’ so Choi Jong-In is like ‘congratulations you own a restaurant in our guild building now with a lucrative contract with our guild’

Now it’s ‘i can’t hit on him at work! And he feels like he really owes me, I don’t want to make him feel like I was... expecting things’

They are like ah! She is such a good person for an s-rank! Ok, then they need Sung Jin-Woo to make a move! Plan 1: he seems to like watching her train even though he can’t follow a lot of her movements, so we’ll invite him along to watch a fight.

Next up is a double dungeon, but it appeared in a low rank dungeon and the measurements are still weak AF. So like, it’s a mission that the Hunter’s Guild can go on like, just to be sure! But almost certainly safe for an e-rank.

And then you have Choi Jong-In and Sung Jin-Woo scrambling to figure out the rules. Cha Hae-In carrying Sung Jin-Woo over her shoulder, someone else taking Choi Jong-In after he passes out burning up all his MP in the hopes of taking out the statue’s eye beams. 

So they’re around the altar with their unconscious boss and the e-rank up on it in the center to be safest, and they’re staring down the statues and debating ‘do we send Cha Hae-In out the door to carry the guildmaster and Sung Jin-Woo to safety, or does that door scream obvious trap because the rule is ‘prove your faith’ and wouldn’t leaving the temple be abandoning your faith?

And Cha Hae-In and Sung Jin-Woo are ‘that would leave you guys without any s-ranks against a very high a boss if not worse.’ and it’s the hunter guild’s duty to close gates first. This gate was counting down when it was reported as a double dungeon, they cannot let this boss gate breach.

The flames count down and, hmm, should the architect react like a thwarted bully or improv some new bullshit to act like everything is within his calculations? So he goes ‘to prove your faith you must now offer a sacrifice’ but instead of obviously giving up the weakling to keep the others alive they’re like yeah, fuck no (’if the porter/guest gets hurt the whole guild has failed’)

So he grabs Jin-Woo and unleashes the statues on the humans with orders to make it hurt but not finish them off, and tells him ‘get on that altar and you’ll be able to leave here with them.’

And Jin-Woo knew he was willing to die for Jin-Ah and Mom, but they’re safe now and he owes that to Cha Hae-In and everyone at the Hunter Guild’s kindness. so he’s ‘ok’ and they are ‘nonono’

He wakes up at the hospital, told he’s the only survivor and he’s been asleep for a month, which... he knew the boss was a lying bastard, monsters don’t spare humans, but he couldn’t just not even TRY/do anything.

...WTF is this? He thought seeing that screen before was some kind of pre-death brain screwery. Jin-Ah and the Hunter’s Guild b-team start coming in and he’s ?? are you guys seeing this? THey are ‘what did that thing do to poor helpless e-rank good boy?!’

Choi Jong-In measures him as an A rank, but instead of being happy Sung Jin-Woo is going through status screens on job class an abilities and...

And then he pales.

And summons the dead.

The boss said ‘he’d go home with them.’ Effing literal words... They can’t speak, but they touch his shoulder to say it’s okay.

...He...

Sung Jin-Woo ends up rejoining the Hunter’s Guild after leveling to S because without any S ranks it would have lost a lot of prestige and ability to take more valuable gates and pay for all the salary, benefits and expensive protective armor.

Doing the JeJu op and since he’s OP, replacing the Draw Sword guild as emergency call-in guild for southeast asia due to like ‘why would we charge you fees A rank gates are where the money’s at if anything we should be paying you for finding them for us’

But if Min Byong-Gyu does die and get turned into a shadow but talks to Baek Yoon-Ho re ‘hey I’m being forced to adore that guy his power is really creepy get me out of here’ and Baek is concerned about Choi Jong-In too...

Sung Jin-Woo’s reaction to the idea his friends are being FORCED to care about him/not be mad he was a useless e-rank and couldn’t save them...

Ashborn seeing Sung Jin-Woo with comrades that ~died with him, like he resurrected his fallen soldiers after did... even more ‘like me’ so earlier decision to not possess.

Ms. Selner going ‘there is great darkness in you’ and he’s ‘can you tell me anything else?’

Hunter’s Guild Shadow Squad wanting to powerlevel for Cartenon temple rematch and then they get sealed instead of getting to attack that bastard? FFFFFFFFFF

instead of ‘get necromancer class’ it’s ‘unlock a prestige class’ so he does get Igris.

He wants to get stronger so he can stop this from happening again, and making sure gates got cleared and people were safe is what they wanted... right?

More examination of using his power on humans/to preserve human souls since like, he can’t get valid consent NOW.

...Chairman Yoo going ‘those lizards killed my son, stole his equips, and made me pay them for being ‘kind’ enough to carry his body out, but I can’t do sh*t because the older brother’s an s-rank,’ and bowing his head.

So Sung Jin-Woo shadowing Jin-Ho, who gets adopted into squad happily. That way he can ask him to confirm ‘those guys did murder you, yes?’

Hunter’s Guild is guild conference rep for Korea OFC, people from guild helping Jin-Woo study up on who everyone is and the contacts they’ve got/are working on. Hwang Dong-Su kidnaps someone else.

During Ashborn meeting Choi Jong-In showing up to SHAME Ashborn for planning to sleep forever (suicide ideation) bc as a leader he should be more responsible than to ditch someone else to take care of the org he’s responsible for. If Choi Jong-In is doing paperwork from behind the grave, this guy isn’t going to get to lie around when humanity desperately needs more combatants at this level/Jin-Woo shouldn’t have to die alone.

[kyber-crystal]

Bulletproof

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~1.7k

Summary: In which the Captain gets a little too overprotective, but you end up interpreting his words the wrong way and taking it a little too personally. 

Warnings: slight mentions of violence, angry steve, soft steve

A/N: this was so bad omg I’m so sorry.

The flight back after a mission was always quiet, whether everything had gone well or not. The team was both physically and mentally drained, falling into a comfortable silence as the Quinjet propelled itself through the sky. This mission in particular had taken a toll on all of you.

You were seated in the far corner of the jet as you glanced over at the screen of the flight details, thigh bandaged and throbbing mildly.  While you were able to extract the intel you needed, you'd thrown yourself into the crossfire to do so, being gunned down by a sniper from above. You were lucky enough for it to be just a simple graze, but Steve was treating it as if it was the end of the world.

Of course, you kind of understood where he was coming from. Despite the fact that you had over ten years of experience in the field, you were the youngest member of the team besides Pietro and Wanda, being only two years behind Steve himself. But that didn't stop you from feeling annoyed every time he seemed to act a little too overprotective no matter how many times you claimed you could take care of yourself.

"He's just worried for your safety," Natasha tried to explain when you complained about this one night. "You know how Cap is. A let's-get-down-to-business and always-follow-the-rules type of guy. I wouldn't overthink it if I were you."

You still couldn't help but think that he was overreacting a majority of the time, however. And in this one case in which he'd caught your side comment, it had erupted into a full-on argument.

"The least you could've done was call for backup," he said through gritted teeth. "You went against orders and tried to handle things on your own, and look where that got you."

"Excuse me?" You rolled your eyes. Whenever he made jabs at your decisions like this it made your blood boil with a furious anger; wanting nothing more than to explode at him. "I was successful in doing my job, was I not? And it's not like there were any better options presented to me at that moment."

"That doesn't matter. You could've gotten yourself killed!" he shouted, jaw tensed and arms crossed over his chest as you stared each other down. "How could you have been so stupid, putting your life on the line like that?"

"Stupid?" you scoffed, seething with anger at this point. "If I recall, I was the one who got the intel from the controls room and shut the system down!"

"And you got shot as you were leaving because you didn't keep a good enough lookout of your surroundings. You put the entire team into jeopardy," he told you matter-of-factly. The words stung, but you did your best to remain calm despite being unable to believe he had the nerve to say something like that. "You almost ruined this mission."

The team sat in stunned silence as they watched the screaming match unfold between you two.

"I'm sorry, but you know what, Rogers?" you spat, voice now raised several notches, "Maybe I'm sorry for pissing you off, but there's no way I'm gonna keep putting up with you constantly criticizing me for every little thing I do. We all make mistakes, so I don't get why I'm the only one who gets shit on for making a slip up every. Single. Damn. Time! I'm sick of you ordering me around like you're my boss, because you aren't."

"I'm trying to do what's best for both of us!" Steve yelled. "You just can't seem to get that through your head, can you?"

"Don't need to act like such an asshole about it."

"You know, I wonder which will get you killed faster, your loyalty or your stubbornness? Because one of those things is going to be the death of you someday," he shot back, his harsh words feeling like a spear being thrust through your chest. "And I won't take any credit for it, because it'll be all on you."

You refused to look away, even as your lower lip trembled and your shoulders shook, unwilling to back down. Your lashes brimmed heavy with tears, hands clenched into shaking fists in a desperate last bid to keep it together.

"Okay, cut it out," Tony finally interrupted, Wanda pulling you away from Steve as the murderous look in your eyes told her you were ready to throw hands. "You need to stop bickering like a married couple all the time."

"Tell that to the self-righteous egotistical man who thinks he's always in charge," you muttered.

"To the ignorant woman who's always throwing herself into the crossfire without considering how it might affect the overall completion of the mission," Steve shot back.

"You little—"

"Y/N," Wanda placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, "stop. It's not worth arguing over."

You winced as she helped you sit down, the pain from your wound beginning to catch up to you after standing on your injured leg for too long.

The rest of the flight was spent in silence, with you and Steve refusing to look in each others' direction entirely.

...

As soon as the jet touched down back at HQs, you quickly changed and went straight to the gym. After wrapping protective tape around your palms, you went up to one of the punching bags and began attacking the hell out of it, imagining it as Steve's face making it easier and seeming to further fuel your anger.

You went at this for an hour, pushing yourself to the max, refusing to give your screaming and aching limbs a break. Your muscles contracted and your arms and legs felt like they'd fall off at any minute but you continued going nonetheless, the aching pains that feeling like a million tiny needles stabbing at every inch of your body. Training was probably the worst thing to do for your leg, but the bullet wound was the last thing on your mind at the moment.

I wonder which will get you killed faster, your loyalty or your stubbornness? Because one of those things is going to be the death of you someday.

You put the entire team into jeopardy.

You almost ruined this mission.

You punched the bag harder, feeling your knuckles cracking and blood running down your fingers, fresh bruises beginning to form underneath. Steve had never been this harsh towards you before, and you started wondering if he really was right about the fact that you almost ruined everything.

Yet you still didn't understand why he had to be so overprotective all the time.

"What are you doing? You shouldn't be training, or else that leg won't recover."

At the sound of his voice all his words came flooding back. Your heart began racing and your blood boiled as you stopped what you were doing and looked up at him.

"Leave me the hell alone."

Steve ignored your words and took several steps forward, stopping just a few feet away from where you stood.

"You're bleeding," he said in a surprisingly soft voice.

"I'm fine," you snapped. "Now go away."

"Come on, just—" he pleaded, voice sounding broken, "just let me bandage your hands up for you."

Knowing he wasn't going to leave, you slid down against the wall and let out a defeated sigh, allowing him to kneel in front of you and take your hands in his. The feeling of his rough, callused skin against yours despite the frustration coursing through your veins still sent a little spark up your fingers, and you never hated yourself more for it than you did now.

You briefly scanned over his features, taking note of his tired and red eyes and the crease between his eyebrows as he carefully disinfected your wounds.

"Y/N," he finally spoke up after several minutes of silence, as he finished bandaging up your hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

"Okay." You refused to make eye contact with him, knowing you would break down the second you looked back up into his bright blue eyes.

"Y/N," his voice broke, the sound making your heart twist in your chest. "Please look at me, sweetheart."

"Don't call me sweetheart," you muttered. "I'm so sorry," he repeated again, "I don't think you're stupid and that you jeopardized the team. You saved us all, in fact. I really shouldn't have said any of that to begin with."

You didn't realize you were crying until you felt the salty tears roll down your cheeks and into your mouth, and you choked on a sob as you finally forced yourself to meet his gaze, breaking down.

"Then why did you act the way you did?"

"It was wrong of me," he exhaled, "I...look, I'm just worried about you, because if that extraction did go wrong and something happened to you, I'd feel like it was all on me. I'd feel like it was my fault, because I failed to look out for you. And I don't think I can handle being responsible for your death."

"As much as you hurt me," you said as you stood up and were pulled into his arms, voice muffled by the fabric of his T-shirt, "I could never bring myself to actually hate you."

"I just care about you too much, I can't lose you," he murmured into your hair, arms tightening their grip around your waist. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you mumbled, voice muffled by his T-shirt, "I forgive you."

"I love you," he whispered so quietly that he thought you wouldn't catch what he was saying, but you just barely managed to hear it. But honestly, he didn't care. You couldn't help the smile forming on your face at that moment. "I love you too."

"Oh my god, that tension was fucking killing me," Bucky groaned as the doors to the gym burst open, and he and Sam came inside. "I was about to explode if you guys didn't kiss and make up." "Oh uh, also, Y/N, your leg..." Sam pointed out. You and Steve both looked down to see blood seeping through the thick bandaging wrapped around your thigh.

"Well, shit," you choked out. "Oops."

"Language," Steve joked. "Come on. Let's go to Bruce so we can get that treated."

"Don't have too much fun with each other!" the two men called after you.

"Shut up!" you shouted back.

[adarlingwrites]

Restraint

noun: control over the expression of one's emotions or thoughts

Given the circumstances of their relationship, with Charon being the Lone Wanderer's patient, and the Lone Wanderer being Charon's employer, acting on any attraction they had for one another would be out of the question.

Still, they kept each other in their thoughts.

I - Control

(Part II)

Being someone’s boss isn’t something Percy is used to.

Usually, it’s she who followed orders, either from her father when she’s assisting him in his clinic, or Jonas, if Dad left him in charge. So when she buys a mercenary’s contract from that bastard of a ghoul in Underworld, she doesn't know what to do.

Charon is… complex. Percy wasn’t quite sure what to make of him the first time they met. Oh, she was definitely intimidated, though. A ghoul that tall would make a small girl like her shrink further. Hell, normally she’s pretty gutsy, but when she first spoke to Charon? She stammered and fumbled with her words. Percy would be lying if she didn’t find the ghoul interesting, if not strangely attractive, for his gruff demeanor and imposing size.

When Ahzrukhal, Charon’s former boss, told her that he was brainwashed to follow anyone who owns his contract, she had wanted to set him free. Free-thinking and defiant, she couldn’t imagine being in his shoes. This girl naively and recklessly pitied him. So she bought his contract, with every intention of freeing him from it.

But of course things never were that simple.

He definitely needed help, but it’s gonna take a lot more than just tearing the contract to shreds for him to outgrow his conditioning, so she’d save that for later, when she’s sure he won’t kill her for destroying that stupid piece of paper.

The best she can do now is make him feel as comfortable, cared for, and human as possible.

And what better way to do that than to make him some food, right? Who wouldn’t appreciate food? She used to make her dad and Jonas  dinner after long shifts at the clinic, and they loved that.

After spending some time cooking, Percy washes up and puts on a clean shirt, tying her vault suit’s sleeves around her waist. Light footsteps patter against the metal flooring of the stairs. Clearing her throat, she knocks on Charon’s door.

“Charon?” she calls out to him. She hears rustling and shifting from the other side of the door.

Her bodyguard emerges, and for a brief moment, she feels a hot wave pass through her body. Charon stands there, towering her, broad-shouldered and imposing, his muscles straining under his shirt.

“Miss. What do you need?”

Percy made the mistake of looking below his hips. Blood rushed to her cheeks.

She wasn’t supposed to see that.

Or rather, she shouldn’t be affected seeing that. She’s a doctor in training, for fuck’s sake.

“Lunch is ready,” she said, speech terse. The vaultie whirls around quickly and descends the stairs, hoping that the ghoul mercenary doesn’t notice her embarrassment.

That sight lingered in her mind for days.

Then the days turned into weeks.

Now, she’s laying on her bed, trying to get off using the skin mag she found while scavenging, but its novelty had worn out. No matter how much her fingers worked her clit while staring at the pictures of women in scanty clothing, it didn’t do anything for her now.

Percy tried imagining people she was attracted to in the vault. Amata. Butch. Jonas. She only felt awkward; Amata rejected her, Butch hooked up with Susie while they’re together, and Jonas is... dead.

Shit.

She needed something- or someone else.

She imagines Billy Creel, that fairly attractive guy with an eyepatch who hangs out in the saloon, but she’s not really that into him. Plus, his hair color reminds her of Butch’s.

Percy tries thinking about another hair color. She always found red hair intriguing; there are not a lot of redheads in the vault. It’s a recessive trait too, so it’s pretty rare even in the wasteland.

Her mind wanders to Moira. She’s pretty cute, despite her eccentricity. But she felt more like an older sister she never had, so Percy turned the imagery off. Then her mind goes to Nova. But just like Moira, the bond they share is more sisterly than sexual.

Dammit. Nothing’s working. Maybe she should just think of an imaginary lover.

But wait, who else has red hair?

Charon.

Oh no.

She’s not about to touch herself thinking about her bodyguard, who she also gives medical treatment and psychological counsel to, isn’t she?

The mental image of seeing him with morning wood came back to her psyche and she almost slaps herself for allowing that to happen again.

However, the thought of it finally did get her juices flowing after several failed attempts….

Percy decided that she’ll probably never get the chance to act on it, given the nature of their relationship, so she might as well indulge herself. Fuck it, she’s gonna masturbate thinking about her employee and patient. It’s so wrong on so many levels, but the taboo aspect of it made her heart race. It doesn’t help that he’s a ghoul too.

People found her strange for not finding them revolting. Ghouls piqued Percy’s interest both as a doctor, and a person who never saw one in her life. She never found their condition disgusting; hell, she was in awe when she found out that their bodies adapted to radiation instead of being killed by it. She wanted to know how ghouls’ skin felt like too, but she was too shy to ask Gob, the first one she ever met. He’ll probably think she’s weird.

Percy finally got that opportunity when she started travelling with Charon. Their touches were brief, and it usually happens when she’s patching him up or if he needs to carry her, but she’ll take what she can get.

Spreading her lips apart, Percy works her fingers against her clit, imagining that it was Charon’s instead. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she imagined his face; skin missing from some parts, muscles exposed, but damn, she found his bone structure and those piercing blue eyes lovely.

The vaultie thinks of her bodyguard looking at her with those intense eyes, and using his other hand to tease her hardening nipples. Those lips of his look rough, but Percy still wants them pressed against hers, imagining the texture it must have. Slowly, he would trace her jaw with them, down to her neck, and it would replace his fingers on her chest, eagerly sucking at her tit.

Holding back a moan, the walls were thin after all , Percy imagines Charon’s cock. From what she had gathered from seeing it bulging against the fabric of his pants, it would be thick, long, and heavy. She only ever took dicks in her mouth and her ass in her life in the vault, but nothing the size of that thing between Charon’s legs.

Fuck, would it even fit any of her holes?

Still, she imagines running her hands all over the pulsing flesh, eager to please him. Charon had once told her that some of his former employers used him for their entertainment. She shudders, thinking about how awful and traumatic that must be for him.

She wanted him to be in control of his own pleasure for a change.

So, she imagines Charon, with that gruff, delicious baritone ordering her to get on her knees and suck.

Percy would run her tongue all over his length and try to take him as far as she can, and he’ll grab her short, jet-black hair and shove it down her throat harshly. The thought of choking on him made a moan escape Percy’s lips, and she quickly covers her mouth and stops, listening for any reaction from the other side of the wall.

None.

Good.

Pausing her little self-love session, Percy grabs a handkerchief from her drawer and shoves it in her mouth. She doesn’t return to her bed, however.

In her head, Charon would order her to stand up and bend over the desk, and she does as she’s told both inside and out of the fantasy. Cold metal of the desk against her breasts, Percy ran her finger against her slit, gathering her wetness, and continued to circle against her clit, imagining Charon’s fingers in place of hers.

But then, he will pause, demand that she stays still, and kneels, flicking his tongue out against her slit. His tongue would penetrate her entrance, then go back to circling her clit, and his rough hands would paw at her ass and strike it.

Damn, she can hardly contain herself now.

This imaginary Charon would give a satisfied smile against the skin of her thigh and proceed to shove his length into her, claiming her. He’d be the first man to do so, and God, she’d hope that he would be the last.

She hoped that he would be the last.

Percy lets out a soundless cry as she neared her climax, rubbing herself desperately, glasses fogging from her breaths.

As she reached her climax, foolishly, recklessly, Percy choked out his name.

A few moments later, he was outside her door.

“Miss? You called for me?”

Oh shit.

Not even done coming down from her high, she throws an oversized shirt on, and wipes her essence against the handkerchief she retrieved from her mouth.

With caution, she cracked the door open, hoping that he wouldn’t notice her flushed and dishevelled appearance.

“Charon. Hey. I was wondering what you’d like for lunch tomorrow,” she near-whispers.

The ghoul gives her a blank stare.

“Mirelurk cakes, miss.”

Percy gives him a faint smile.

“Right. I’ll keep it in mind. Good night.”

Percy closes the door and lies on her bed, unable to sleep.

Yeah. It’s no use denying it any further.

She has it bad for him.

But she needs to exercise restraint.

[vcg73]

Glee Memories

Someone reblogged an old post to which I had contributed this run-down of my entire Glee fan experience. It made me laugh to read it, because I cannot deny ANY of the reactions even now. This is truly what it was like to watch the show in original air date Fox TV real time - endless mid-season hiatuses and all. Reposting just my own section:

Season 1 - SO good and fun! I want to see more of this!  Kurt, I love you. You’re so funny and I especially loved the second half of the season when you started singing solos and being a Cheerio!  Even the characters I didn’t really embrace I still want to learn more about. And the songs, and the hope for next year’s competitions…  Damn you, summer hiatus!

Season 2 - OMG, not as fresh as last year but still some amazing stuff!  Burt and Carole are cute together, though a little oblivious. Why didn’t we ever get any blended Hudmel family scenes?  Especially at Christmas.  *pout* Didn’t care for Kurt being basically sidelined at Dalton Academy for half the season, and his crush is kind of an oblivious jerk, but I have hope. Things much better by the end with Kurt back at McK and no joy to the bullies. Can’t quite make up my mind if I want to forgive Karofsky. He was awful, but also terrified. I’ll make up my mind next year. Aw, Jean Sylvester has died, I liked her.  Finn, a funeral should not inspire you to dump one girl and chase another. You big drip. Too bad about Nationals, but it’s okay that they didn’t go straight to the top. More reason to put out all the stops next year!  I liked this season a lot overall. Damn you, summer hiatus!

Season 3 - What the fuck has happened to this show? Blaine transfers in, acts like a dick, steals opportunities and insults people, but by the end every single character is completely up his ass. Wha-?  Wait, are Finchel a couple again for the 4,869th time, or are they broken up again?  I can’t keep up.  Am I really supposed to care about the suddenly evil Warblers and their smirking meerkat boss? Cause I don’t.  Warbler Council I miss you.  Shue, you’re horrible, get off my screen. Sue, go with him, you’re not funny anymore. Kurt ends up stuck in Lima with no prospects, while Rachel of the world’s worst audition gets his spot at the fancy performing arts school? What the hell!  And what do you mean, he only applied to ONE school, that makes no sense given his historic ambition to escape Lima, and determination to help Finn get out too. Someone at NYADA is a lazy bastard who couldn’t be bothered to send out the acceptance letters until JUNE, so most of their prospectives have probably accepted other offers by now.  This entire season made no sense and left a bad taste in my mouth. Thank God for summer hiatus!

Season 4 - Better in some respects. Really stupid in others. Kurt does an amazing audition and gets a second chance (that he should have had the first time) to get into his school.  I’ll take it.  Blaine, you’re a lying, cheating, selfish sack of shit and I’ve given up hoping you’ll ever improve. Just go away and stop horning in where you don’t belong. Adam Crawford, you’re a cinnamon roll too good for this world, but no way too good for Kurt. :)  I’m not usually a shipper, but you’re forcing me to ship hard.  New Glee Club, your boring clone selves need to step it up and show some originality if you want anyone to like you. Uh, wow, did that nasty Cheerio girl really try to kill the other girl by making her anorexic and totally get away with that with no consequences? Epic fail. Shue, you’re revolting. Oh, Unique. I like you, but why did you leave a star position at Carmel only to be meek about being shoved into the background at McKinley?  Really thought Blaine might get offed in that stink-bomb of a school shooting episode. It would have had emotional resonance for others and retired that character with a shred of dignity. Wasn’t that the point of having people declare Blaine teen angel/Jesus-standin for half the season? But no. Nothing happens and they chuck Becky-used to be cool but now is just super annoying-Jackson under the bus instead. (Also, why did nobody on the New York side even seem to know this headline-making event even happened?) Rachel, taking insensitivity and selfishness to new heights in New York. Why is Kurt suddenly your care-taker and general servant? Blech. Sarah Jessica Parker, completely wasted from great starting potential. Did Sam’s brain fall out in the deep end of the swimming pool and float away? Cause, whoa. Finn? Finn! Pay attention, dude. Cut your losses and go to your classes at Ohio state (or wherever). Burt, thank you for squashing that stupid proposal idea. But where is Adam?  Come back, adorable little cupcake!  Summer hiatus, thank you, I need a break but kinda like where everyone finally ended at the last of this year. This has definite potential.

Season 5 - Dead Finn = sadness. I kind of wish they had just retired him to off screen college somewhere. Wait, what?  God Damn It Writers! You can’t just transplant Finchel’s planned storyline to a totally different couple and expect it to make perfect sense, especially with no work or real character improvement to the horrible hair-gelled menace!  Copy glee club remains boring, and I don’t give a rat’s ass about their wash-rinse-repeat romances or lifeless competition performances. What the heck has happened to the timeline of this show?  Where did Adam go? Oh hey, it’s Demi Lovato and Adam Lambert!  Aww, I really like Elliott. It’s about time Kurt got a genuine friend. Rachel, just go away. I can’t deal with you anymore. Burt has been replaced by a pod-person. Creepy puppets more lifelike than most of their human counterparts by now. One Three Hill, I love you!  But I can already see that this is another great start with soon to be wasted potential when the contracts run out.  Damn it, writers! Don’t put Blaine in NYADA, that makes no sense at all.  If this school was as particular as you claimed, he wouldn’t have even made it to the audition round. Combat Jocks are all hot for Kurt, YESSSS!  Santana, I’ve never liked you because you’re horrid to everyone but you’re finally starting to grow on me a little. Aw, Chris Colfer’s episode plays like old time Glee!  Fun. More, please. Shirley MacLaine gives me the creeps as the old cougar lady. And we’re taking an early hiatus after shedding viewers like snake-skin all season. Can’t say I’m not relieved. I’m determined to see this show through, but my god…  

Season 6 - Only a dozen episodes this year? I can make it.  Ooo, Kurt dumped the albatross and sent him packing. That’s promising.  Rachel’s ego blew up in her face and she’s back in Ohio. Even more promising.  New New Directions, I surprisingly actually like you guys a little, though I liked One Three Hill much better. (And the Apples, whatever happened to those folks?) This could actually end with a bang instead of a whimper!  Aaand, I spoke too soon. Kurt get your cute butt out of Ohio, you can do so much better in New York, preferably single and dating new appreciative men!  Whoa, Sue is full on demented and dangerous this year. Why is she still in a teaching position again? Shue, you’re useless. Get off my screen. Santana previous potential goes right to hell in one fell swoop. Nice briefly knowing you, emotional development. Kurt, I’m serious, go back to NYADA and find whatever locker you left your spine in please. DO NOT take that asshat back for the 8,937th time, please!  He’s not worth it.  You … what …?  Oh my God, he did it, and fucking Dave Karofsky actually helped them along.  *beats head on wall*  No, please tell me everyone isn’t about to bend over backwards to put Rachel back on top of the heap again!  *sigh* That’s it. I’m done. 7 episodes left of this series and I just can’t take it anymore.  The writers-room monkeys have mixed pieces from 10 different puzzles, mashed them into a frame with a mallet, eaten the finished product, shit it into their hands, and tossed it at the few remaining fans still watching through the bars.

And that’s what you (lucky souls) missed on Glee!

[write-like-you-mean-it]

A Hunter’s Prey: A Young Boy’s Trauma

Killua arrived in 4 weeks. The countdown of Killua’s return made learning Nen even more difficult and taxing than previous attempts. Rather than learning at my own pace, I had to speed through training that might take years to complete. The closest I ever got to this level of training was when I trained with Illumi. However, Gon’s training was relentless. We would always awake at the crack of dawn, followed by a small run around the forest, and lastly Nen training until I collapsed from exhaustion. 

My only solace has been the heartache of missing Illumi finally dulled to a painful throb only felt when I had failed once again to hold Nen in my body for the full time. The two hour mark became a pain in my ass. I’d barely been able to break over 30 minutes within the past week that we’d been training. 

“C-can we take a small break?” I asked after collapsing for the third time of the day. Gon had taken a seat on a moss covered rock that overlooked the sea and myself. He wasn’t paying attention to me. Even his childlike mind had too much stuffed into the time he’d been alive. I sighed while taking a seat next to him. “Gon?” I questioned in hopes of gaining his attention. 

The boy finally turned to look at me with the plastered smile on his face. This time it didn’t reach his eyes. “Oh, yeah a break is fine.” With his untampered arm, he handed me my water bottle. 

We looked out at the crashing waves far from the shore. A small tension filled the air as I wondered if I should ask him about what took up so much space in his mind. My hands absentmindedly played with blades of grass as the ocean breeze fluttered through my hair. 

“Gon, what might be on your mind. You seem distracted today.”

His eyes never left a far off point in the sea. They were like a wandering traveler who was only here as a stop and knew the better and bigger world that awaited him beyond the shore; yet, he couldn’t go. “Yeah, I’m alright. Watching you use Nen makes me miss my own power.”

“What type of Nen did you have?”

“I am an enhancer. I use a rock, paper, scissors thing called Jajanken. It is so cool. I can demonstrate it for you,” said the boy with excitement returning to his demeanor. He stood up on top of the rock before he realized what he was doing. The physical manifestation of realization followed by sadness took over his small frame. “Or I could if I did have Nen. I am lucky though. I’m still alive.”

“What happened to make you lose your Nen?” I asked. Gon stepped off of the rock and sat back down onto it. 

“I’ll tell you once you get to an hour,” he said before pulling out the timer once again. “You’re at 45 minutes. You’ve had a break for long enough.” His tone had sharpened like a knife. The awkward tension returned and fluttered with the ocean air. 

I stood up and returned to my state of Ren. “I’m sorry,” was all I could say. 

--------

Soon it was only 3 weeks until Killua’s return. I hadn’t made much more progress. Every single day felt like my body was splitting into two separate pieces. What was even worse was that Gon was refusing to help me as much as before. I don’t know what I said that ticked him off so much. 

At this point in training, I’d been able to hold my Nen for 55 minutes. Too short for any explanation and long enough that I didn’t have as much time in the day. With sleeping, I had at most 7 hours to practice. 

The morning runs became more difficult as Gon didn’t let me catch up to him anymore. He began sprinting through the forest; however, I did not have his experience. Unlike him, I did not grow up in the forest. I was stuck following in his footsteps rather than matching pace. Once arriving at the same mountaintop, we’d practice Nen. 

Today, I was determined to hit that dreaded 1 hour mark. I had to or I would never get close to meeting the goal set by Gon. For hours, Gon would sit on the rock overlooking the ocean and watch the timer. He did nothing else for he was lost in his sea of thoughts. 

Part of him reminded me of Illumi. His quietness reminded me of Illumi and I’s first meeting. Illumi was always so quiet and lost in his own thoughts. It wasn’t until he finally opened up to me that I could actually love him. 

Illumi’s words of how no one has ever loved him before filled my heart. Because of everything that happened after we consumed our love, I forgot to digest the words. The pain sent a sting straight to my heart. Illumi only ever wanted love and I was the first person to give it to him. 

My mind wandered to him sitting on that boat in the middle of the ocean. Was he alright? Was he still alive? How is Machi and Chrollo doing? During these weeks, I started to get nightmares about the events that had happened. Machi and Chrollo blame me for not being stronger. If only I had a way to control my power then Hisoka wouldn't have… No. I can’t blame myself for actions that happened in the past. 

“One hour,” remarked Gon. 

“Huh?” I questioned while dropping Ren. 

“You’ve made it to a full hour. I’m a little surprised.”

“Oh. It’s already been an hour?” I looked out over the sea to see the sun had dramatically lowered in the sky. “I hadn’t noticed.” I took my seat next to Gon.

“I could tell.”

He, once again, handed me my water bottle as I took a full sip. I, also, hadn’t realized how thirsty I had become. While finishing the full bottle I remembered our conversation from a week ago. Would he want to discuss his past with me? Should I bring it up? I decided to try with a small “so…”

“I lost my Nen when I almost died. Alluka saved me from myself. If Killua hadn’t been there for me then I would’ve lost everything.” His words fell from his lips as if he was an adult recounting a time in his childhood. Gon continued, “A close friend of mine died because I wasn’t strong enough. His name was Kite. When he died, it was the second time he’d saved me. I owe Kite and Killua everything.”

“Kite? I’ve heard that name before,” I said while thinking back in my memory. “I think he was a contracted support for my work many years ago. I don’t remember much of him because I didn’t see him after the initial meeting. He’s a stoic quiet guy. My old boss never said anything bad about him. I’m sorry he lost his life.”

“Yeah, Kite was a good man.”

“You have a lot of good people in your life, Gon.”

Gon finally turned to look at me. He sniffed a bit while wiping his eyes with the unbroken hand. “You’re right.” I instinctively, wrap my arms tightly around this crying child. I hold him as he sobs deep, emotional trauma. From the cries, I could tell these were all emotions that had yet to be processed in his mind or he was still going through them. 

“It’s okay,” I say, still holding him in my tired frame. “Everything will be alright.” 

“Killua has always been there for me and when he needed me the most, I was too busy with my own thoughts. I hurt him so much and I-I don’t know how to..” His voice cut off back into another sob. 

I held this crying child until his sobs turned into the shaky hiccups after a long cry. “Gon, explain what happened.”

“I went after Kite’s killer. She was so powerful that I had to use all the Nen left for the rest of my life. I told Killua that this fight wasn’t with him and that he should leave. So he did. I-I did mean to. I was just hurt and in so much pain and Killua wouldn’t understand. He couldn’t-”

“Gon, it’s okay. Killua saved you. He still cares about you. He’ll return. That’s all that matters. Truly, I’m more upset with the fact they allowed you on such a dangerous mission that could’ve gotten you killed.”

“It’s alright. I wanted to go. I had to save Kite but I should’ve brought Killua along. He is my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

A smile crossed my face as Gon wiped away a few tears. The sun had fully set at this point. Darkness crept up on us. “Would you like some dinner from Aunt Mito? I don’t know about you but I’m starving.”

“Sure, Gon,” I smiled but after that day, I didn’t look at him like a child again. 

--------

Only two more weeks until Killua would arrive. Time was running shorter and shorter. Everything felt like a ticking time bomb. Frustration grew as I couldn’t seem to grasp holding onto my Nen for more than an hour and 15 minutes. I only had such a short time. 

After Gon’s confession, he finally was able to open up to me more. He told me about everything that happened with York New and about his friends Leorio and Kurapika. He told me about his adventures at the Hunter exam. He told me about Greed Island and the hunt for his dad.  Lastly, he told me about meeting his dad. 

The more stories he told me, the easier it was to hold my Nen. Within the past year, Gon held such an interesting life. Part of me wished that he’d tell me about what happened with Kite but I knew better than asking. Instead, I learned more about Gon than any other child. 

It was nice to sit and listen to someone else talk. Illumi was never a talker. 

“So when’s the wedding?” asked Gon. His question caught me off guard but I was still able to focus on the true task at hand. 

“We haven’t picked a date or anything. Truly he asked me less than a month ago. I don’t know when we’ll get a chance. Most likely it’ll be at some place expensive as he is a Zoldyck.”

“Do you know that means you’ll be related to Killua?” asked Gon while jumping up and down. 

I laugh and reply, “I’ll also be related to Milluki and Kalluto.”

“Wait, you've met Killua’s other siblings?”

“Yes, I have lived at the Zoldyck manor for a quarter of a year. We had a family dinner once which was a shitshow.”

“How’s Killua’s dad and mom. He rarely talks about them beyond what his father forced him to do as a kid.”

“Oh well his father is domineering and a presence. His mother is a nutcase. She’s a little crazy but so is his brother. Killua’s grandfather is cool though. He helped me with my Nen just like you. With Illumi’s family, it’s no wonder how he ended up the way he was.”

“Are you excited to be a part of the family?”

I’m not sure. They might actually kick us out of the house as Illumi isn’t the one to inherit the Zoldyck name. We haven’t really talked about it.”

“Illumi should inherit it. Killua hates his family. Illumi would be a much better head of the house than Killua anyway. He doesn’t want to become anything like his father.”

“Neither does Illumi. He only wants to be praised and loved.”

Gon looked at me a little strangely. “Same with Killua. Maybe you’ll be able to convince them to finally talk.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I chuckle while thinking how that conversation may go. Finally I released my Nen and felt the same exhaustion as before.”

“One hour and 16 minutes,” said Gon.

“Shit. 

-----

One more week. One more week and I only felt weaker than before. At the week deadline, I climbed out of bed only for my stomach to churn and force me into the bathroom. The hotel room had become a new home for me. Throwing up last night’s meal given to me by Mito was disappointing. Mito was almost as delicious of a cook as she was kind hearted. Gon had been inviting me back to his house after training because I’d been here so long.

I knew I’d not felt well the day before but I chalked it up to finally getting within the 1:45 mark on time. Instead, I knew this was a whole new feeling. I hadn’t felt this sick in ages. My head ached and I’d become tired so quickly. 

Standing over the porcelain bowl gave me a clarity that I had yet to have in the month since Illumi had vanished from my grasp. I muttered a quiet “shit” before emptying everything in my stomach once again. 

I decided to cancel training for the first time ever. Even over the phone, I could hear Gon’s sadness. He asked if he could bring soup over later. I obliged his request. 

Instead of staying in bed and trying to sleep it off, I decided to take a quick trip to the drug store. If my suspicions were right, I’d have a new problem on my hands. 

My hands grazed over the test that lay on the bathroom counter. I’d only taken it a few minutes ago but my hands were already shaking. I closed my eyes and held up the plastic test so that it was in eyeshot when I opened my eyes. 

As expected, the words “pregnant” lit up the screen. “Shit. Illumi got his wish.” I chucked the test across the room before lying back onto the bed with a million questions in my head. All of them falling to one answer, we never used protection. 

[fgodestinyawakenings]

EOR Shinjuku Singularity: Prologue~Section 6

The hell in Seraph is over for now, time to get back to the main story for NA! And, finally the ACTUAL tutorial stage of how HP bar works arrived as well... I’m not paying 1 SQ for another spartan lesson again...

Anyway... Just some FYI, all EOR Singularities are actually skippable. Yeah, that’s a slap for dropping the bomb... But yes, all EOR Singularities can skipped and be done another time. They aren’t the requirement SO FAR (because I don’t know if DW in JP will change it) for future event

So if you feel your team isn’t ready, just wait for another 1 or 2 event to grind materials so you can go back to start the story. Because... After going through SE.RA.PH... It’s really important you got 1 of each class (including Mash) have their level maxed out and skills level as high as your QP could bring. 

So without further ado... Let the crime in Shinjuku begin!

Prologue

Starting with a spring cleaning in Guda’s room, Mash and Guda both tidying up Guda’s room as they reminsince of the past. Fou wanted to help, but was assured by Mash they can handle it...

Oh, Da Vinci-chan came by... For slacking off as usual OTL Hiding away from the higher-ups when things are getting busy... Gudas, this is your room. So it’s your responsibility to clean it up too... Something Mama Emiya would scold together with Mash onto the Gudas. A peaceful life after the whole ordeal in Part I...

After cleaning, Mash left with Fou to get tea as break time. Da Vinci revealed that after Mash’s revival in Solomon Singularity, her whole body renewed to a human body... With her no longer being able to become a Demi-Servant because her magical circuits no longer working

Da Vinci briefly explained about the magic circuits, and summarized her switch is now jammed. Despite it being nothing wrong physically, it doesn’t change she can’t activate her magic circuits

Suggesting for Mash to go to school, the Gudas interrupted with Mash’s arrival on the topic of love. Da vinci teasing them at the back of the possible romance blooming... 

Moving on, looks like the Mage Association did showed up and got mindfucked on everything that the Gudas went through... Mash revealed what she overhear which is the two staff discussing on new mages coming into Chaldea to work as new Master...

Topic on Lev Lainur brought up, hinting that there’s an accomplice of his action that he started from the very beginning. And currently, it’s unknown of their appearance...! Because of his bombing, the current staff are now held under suspicion on terrorism for bombing the Master candidates...

Olga Marie’s family still currently having problems to deal with especially the death of the director... The worry of the Chaldea being frozen, wished Romani is still here with us... At least he’ll know what to deal with the situation here...

One of the staff also decided to protect the Guda’s from the mage association, something that the other staff doesn’t want to do. To protect the young Gudas getting caught up in the politics, even knowing how much it’ll stain their reputation much to their dislike, they work together to protect their future this time

Back to Da Vinci and Mash, Da Vinci understood as knowing the Mage Association won’t rest and stop until they interrogate the Gudas. Assuring not only Mash and Da Vinci, everyone that they contracted with and met knows their efforts! Hence, it’s all right even if no one knows that they save the world.

While commenting Fou is being innocent in his unusual behavior, Da Vinci already ran off to hide from the Mages Association. Both Gudas and Mash resumed back to their cleaning...

Hm? The alarm? An attack?! Stopping their cleaning towards the Command room... A new Singularity appeared in Shinjuku?!?!?! B... BUT WHY?! No disorder in the timeline... So why?!

Despite Goetia’s gone... They’re back? Because of those 7 Singularities.. It also messed other timeline too?! As the said Master candidate yet to arrive, the Gudas once more go on a journey to fix the Singularity again

Da Vinci’s right... Even if the new candidate are here, the only experienced person by far to fix the Singularity is the Gudas themselves. With some Servants that’s still remaining in Chaldea, or practically everyone, Gudas are ready to take on a new challenge

Mash is now entrusted to Romani’s role as instructed by Da Vinci to make sure Gudas existence are still here. Da Vinci warning us to be careful one last time...  The image of Romani from their view, made them remember his first word in the prologue and his final words... Let’s head to the entangled web of Shinjuku Singularity!

Section 1

So... Does anyone.... Like... I don’t know... First... WAKE UP GUDAS!!! WE’RE FALLING AGAIN FROM THE SKY LIKE BABYLONIA SO WHY?!?!!?!?! GAAAH!!!

Huh? Wait, who the hell monologues our issue? I don’t care about finding love, just save the Gudas--!! WHO?! A strange old man now saves the Gudas after separating from their Servants?! 

Thank you for that one hell of a landing, sir... Yep, everything all right so no need to go past personal space please! .... Okay, what’s going on in this hell, whoever you are?

So strange gang members, weird looking machine dolls, and a spy squad? Okay hornets for the spy squad... Those things are killing off all good people except the evil ones?!

A strange tower and familiar wall in Uruk stood in middle of Shinjuku, definitely a Singularity needed to fix in this timeline. Well thanks for the heads up, dappy Servant, good to know we’re not going there anytime soon right now. And fair enough, seems like this Singularity is where revealing a True Name will become more than fatal if we know...

So Archer of Shinjuku, I look forward in your care with the Gudas here! Except don’t bring them to a host club to gather more harem members than needed... Anyway, heading down to the streets, Mash deduced which even Archer of Shinjuku wonders if he’s supposedly a Caster-class Servant.

Oh right, now I remember about Keroro the moment he mentioned Anglo Mois... That’s the supposedly rumored end of world doomsday in 1997... OTL Okay dude, for someone supposedly wanting to “help” us, you sure sound excited in destroying the whole world here >.>

Woah, thank you for the warning! Looks like the enemy mobs are here, time to see what Archer of Shinjuku can do to prove that he’s helping us! Or not, since I’m not using NPC Servant...

... OKay what? You mean they drugged themselves to be mages?! Those gang members?!! Nevermind, time for this first show of the chapter begin!

Those mob apparently does crit star gather rate down debuff...  Shouldn’t be a problem to kick their ass while grinding for bond points!

Meanwhile in Chaldea, both Da Vinci and Mash wondered about Archer of Shinjuku’s true name. Though, they ended up drawing blanks and decided to hide this from the Gudas until they figured out something

Back at the street, that’s what you get for messing with us! Well.. Ouch, sorry dude, that sucks on missing out the youthful part of life... Maybe it’s justice? You did help Guda in scaring away the mobs that’s picking on the weak, so it’s justice!

Looks like we earned Archer of Shinjuku’s respect, with Guda’s right judgement in withholding to trust him fully. We got a deal as he agree to help us to fix back the singularity, we move onto the next area....

..... Man, this feel odd. I can see Edgelord Dantes writing dairy in his Counte of Monte Cristo novel, just not in FGO. But then again, his words always gives foreshadowing especially summarizing how good can’t survive in this singularity

Seems like he’s working on his own, to figure out what’s going on Shinjuku here... I knew something wrong with that old man the moment he’s excited on destroying the whole world!! And we? Dantes, I thought you say you’re working alone?? Dantes?! Avenger??!

Section 2

Somewhere in some building, with that familiar shape of a certain Servant, he’s with his Archer, Rider and Assassin Servant ally in a meeting. Expectedly, they are the bad guys that creating this Singularity, already knowing the Gudas are here to fix it

Rider Servant enraged that the plan of making Guds fall to death failed. Assassin laughed and suggested to let the Rider Servant go to hunt the Gudas down... Gee, some evil relationship you have to work together.

Three Servants coming after the Gudas’ head... And... Huh? Other Archer revealed himself? He looks familiar... But on one thing, we thankfully don’t need to face their Saber and Lancer since they both got killed before they arrived.

Wait Nameless... That sounds really familiar... It can’t be right...? Though at least we know where those magical bullet comes from... Sharing a weapon very similar to our companion we know here *stares at Archer of Shinjuku*

Other Archer took his leave to check his sniper spot now that the Gudas arrived, or... No... No way... EMIYA?! OUR MAMA EMIYA?!?!!?!? THAT EMIYA WHO DOES UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS AND COPIES EVERYONE’S NOBLE PHANTASM?!!!

And, it’s Emiya Alter?! What the hell?! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!?! Even his whole personality turned colder than the one who often nag at the Gudas...!!

After Emiya Alter left, the boss made comparison with Assassin with the latter being unpredictable than the Other Archer. Assassin has left, leaving.... SHAKESPEARE?! What the hell! How did you even got entangled into this mess?!

So, he’s forced to summon those monster for Archer of Shinjuku... Great, the mess just keep going worse... OTL

Back in the main street of Shinjuku, the Gudas were briefly lectured further by James of the mobs that existed here. But as we approached the stroller of a baby’s cries.... A doll? A BOMB?!

Archer of Shinjuku saves them again, and shouldn’t as a heroic spirit your back will healed? Archer of Shinjuku again briefly lectured them to be mindful of their surroundings, and scolded for being reckless. So... 9 strange mobs making Sorpano coming at us? We’re going to have a rap battle with them?!

Christine... OH, Phantom of the Opera’s love interest?! She’s behind this?!! And... Okay, at least good to know where the dead bodies disappeared after hearing their song like a siren here!

As one of the ruffians they fought got caught by those Coloratura... Sorry, skip the lecture on how to keep hostage alive-- Damn it! Of course it’s not something to be happy they’re forced to watch an innocent human getting attacked here >.>

.......  Well, so much for exiting since you’re bragging about stealth operation here... And don’t laugh to change the subject, now we got to face 9 of those coming at our ass here!!

One thing annoying... Was their sudden NP charge in the first wave... The mobs aren’t really an issue, but... God damn it!

All 9 are dead, time to make our escape here ASAP! You really underestimate the Gudas here... Considering they don’t stoop to beg even towards Gilgamesh and Ozymandias back in their singularities.

Meeting this version of the Phantom of Opera and his beloved.... Machine doll, Christine... Who now known as the cause of wanting human skin and blood to become human. And how is that our fault?! Hey, it’s not like we want to save the world because we want to?! Blame Goetia for trying to wipe the whole of humanity’s existence here!!

........... Archer of Shinjuku, you fucking idiot!! Why did you have to push a button on her!!! >.> At least stall time by talking, and not having them going after your heads!!! One explosive getaway, we’re at another end of the streets or so...

Okay... Who the hell control this highway here if this is now a divided zone of conquer?!?!?

Section 3

So.... That wolf howling in previous and current chapter... Well... NO SHIT, NARRATOR! OF COURSE, YOU NEED TO RUN REGARDLESS WHERE YOU ARE THE MOMENT YOU HEAR THE HOWLING!! RUN!!!

Not a normal wolf coming at the Gudas at 2km per hour... Definitely a Servant getting the Gudas head!! If we can’t outrun it, then we just have to fight it! I’m not sure on how fear works via theory but if you feel trembling and want to pee in the pants with no restraint on seeing something scary, then that’s fear

So, a fictional wolf huh? Along with its rider... But, there’s situation with Nursery Rhyme *cough* And gacha will always be able to bring them in *cough* So, wait, is this the Phantom Spirit Sherlock is going after?!

And it spit at us human arm... Time to figure out their True Name later, let’s get out of here!!

<<NOT SCREENSHOT>>

Okay, I went in blind here and nearly dead because Kiritsugu, Shiki and First Hassan were nearly having problems thanks to its debuff. At least Hassan’s guts saved his own life when Rider uses its NP.... I REALLY HATE INSTA-KILL FROM ENEMIES WHEN WE CAN’T INSTA-KILL THEM!!

Plot wise, well no fucking shit Archer of Shinjuku! Looks like even his own magic bullets aren’t working to defeat Rider. So... Yay! Free driving lesson in the midst of getting chased by a headless rider with his wolf!!

Wait that smokescreen... The motorcyle and that’s.... ARTORIA ALTER?! She picked them up, with Archer of Shinjuku remaining behind to stall for time. Meanwhile back with our Edgelord Dantes, you’re really getting weirder than usual

I know you’re concerned of Archer of Shinjuku siding with the Gudas for strange reason... WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR EDGELORD WE KNOW?!

Section 4

Artoria Alter... Riding over speed limit and telling to calm down, will not make people calm down! OTL But thank you, at least now the Gudas are extremely far from their territory...

Meeting this version of Artoria Alter, we earned her respect from this version. With a temporary contract made with her, we-- Hm? Aww a cute little doggo! But how could such an adorable stray dog like him will bite Artoria Alter! Even Fou is excited on meeting this new companion!

Please, let us take the dog to your base! You’re not going to deny his adorable puppy face will you...? Gudas, none of you should own a pet until you guys went through proper pet caring lesson... Who gives onion or chocolate to them?! Nice! Cavall II is going with us to Artoria’s base XD

At her base right in the roost... Wow, that’s lot of food ration to survive. After feeding Cavall II food, we briefly explained whatever Archer of Shinjuku mentioned. Wait? You fought him before? So he’s an enemy previously but now???

So, who the hell did we meet if the one Artoria described is different...? So before meeting us, she met the two members of this league that caused the singularity... And Edmond?! Wait... He called himself Edmond...? So... Okay, at least he got her to help us.

The maze of where this Singularity stands... Things are getting messy OTL

Back at the league, the other Archer of Shinjuku... As they noted they’re on the losing end, guess trouble brewing when we head out to find our Archer of Shinjuku.

Next day, backaches from sleeping on the hard floor, we met at the sight of Artoria training Cavall II?? Well time to move on... Back in the street, so it’s always night time here... And we finally entered the maze itself... What the heck? So much change really in this Singularity...

And, looks like a territory that should be here isn’t now... Okay, looks like another trap again with the hornets coming after our ass this time!!

So after defeating those hornet, and earning compliment from Artoria Alter... Time to save our Archer of Shinjuku from them! As he’s now facing against another group of Hornets with him

... Good god, it’s your own coffin gun and you don’t know how to reload?! Well, at least we save him... And it confirms, that’s the Servant Artoria met and fought before but why?!

And hey, once again Gudas surprised Archer of Shinjuku by mentioning he saved them because he’s a hero. Though, looks like the one we have is a clone and the one in the league is the original? Guess, it’s a good reason if you want to survive in this hell, you’d manipulate words to get people to trust and save you though not fully

Archer of Shinjuku also instantly know about Artoria’s true name just by her appearance and manner... Now this is getting interesting on maybe leaning towards his true identity!

Again with Dantes?, looks like his identity brings more suspicion to him. At this point, he’s growing more worried for both Gudas and Mash with Archer of Shinjuku with us

In the base greeted by Cavall II.... Even he thinks whole-heartedly Archer of Shinjuku is still evil despite his claim of being the good one! It’d be one hell of a comedy if it’s animated with Archer of Shinjuku attempting to make friends with Cavall II while Artoria is holding back her laughter XD

Section 5

Next day, Gudas answered the phone by Artoria’s order after a good night sleep. A mysterious person, which Gudas immediately noted it’s Edmond, telling them that Jeanne Alter’s HQ is being attacked by Emiya Alter’s army!

After giving us the information, Gudas reported back to them what they learned. And before we can do that, Artoria, let’s make a plan to save her. And Jeanne Alter has a point, YOU trespassed her territory uninvited y’know, Archer...

Greeting Cavall II goodbye, we’re at the park where Emiya Alter facing off against Jeanne Alter! She’s definitely been holding on for a while, though the bullets landed on her...

I see this is your first time meeting the Emiyas, Jeanne Alter. They got away with copying Noble Phantasm, so that can’t surprise anyone anymore... Wait Jeanne--!!

As the fire burns through another part of the city, Emiya Alter escaped alive. And also, that’s kinda rich from someone who’s been a fake in copying others, Emiya Alter >.>

Fortunately, Jeanne Alter is also fine but badly injured from her fight. With us arriving, cat fight between both Alters began. Long time no see, the shady-looking and nervous Master arrived to save you too, Jeanne Alter.

If only things were that easy in getting Servants like Jeanne Alter to join us via coming home into our Chaldea from gacha... :T Nevermind, looks like we got 8 ruffians coming after our ass!

After clearing them, Jeanne Alter questioned on Mash who quickly evaded she had taken leave from her role as Guda’s Servant for now. And they start their cat fight again since Jeanne Alter is bullying Galahad...

Wait... What? You know Archer of Shinjuku too?! So, Jeanne Alter also met and fought that Evil counterpart of him, and beaten to near death. Except everyone, Gudas still think he’s a good guy... Hope someone can bring Nightingale here for a check up OTL

Section 6

One explanation of Archer of Shinjuku’s situation later, at least we got Jeanne Alter’s approval in bringing him along. And you two, just get along will ya? Hey, Cu wears best clothes so don’t insult him!

Jeanne Alter, be honest, we understand perfectly you want to wear nice clothing so you don’t lose against your rival. Yes, that’s extremely straightforward and completely normal for a Tsundere....

And, we got 3 ruffians + 2 Chimera pets thinking we’re quick cash... Guess what, think twice because that’s QP and materials I’m taking from you!

Plot wise, and agreeing gameplay is hell with Berserker Chimera... They’re definitely not your average Chimera! Wait... There’s Chimera growling and howling...

Howling... OH FUCK, THAT HOWLING, THEY’RE HERE!! Thankfully it spared us from needing to kill one more Chimera... Rider of Shinjuku is here!! And well that explains the burning field and the gimmick... Jeanne Alter set ablaze the street to fight against them

Damn it Archer! I’m going to let Jeanne roast you once we’re done with them! But thanks to his signal, it’s an attempt of fight to the death against Rider of Shinjuku.

I should have probably brought Jeanne out earlier... But unlike first round, this one is more prepared. Shiki equipped with Kiyohime’s CE to deal more damage, and Jeanne NP to protect from Rider of Shinjuku’s NP. Which... Thank god for RNG OTL Their insta-death didn’t work on Jeanne OTL

Plot wise, Rider of Shinjuku still alive and attempting to bite everyone’s head off! Yet despite the fatal blow, Rider of Shinjuku managed to escape. A hatred that burns their determination stronger than anyone... Are they really Rider Servant...? Like its wife being murdered...? The wolf king, king of currumpaw, Lobo!

The next time we meet them, at least we know one True Name’s and their possible weakness for attack. Well, Archer of Shinjuku, why don’t you start lecturing Caster Gilles and Merlin on parenting and manners to their children.

Ignoring the cat fight again, or the most violent cat fight, we’ll head to fight Berserker of Shinjuku next, aka Christine and Phantom of Opera. Archer of Shinjuku, at times like this, you just need to sit back with a popcorn and let them destress themselves

Now in Artoria’s base with Jeanne Alter changing her costume, if you want compliment just admit it, Jeanne Alter. No need for a force option in dialogue to do so.

Edmond called again with Gudas picking up, he reveals and warns Guda about the other Archer of Shinjuku. As they’ve been messing with his plans, he’s doing something with the tower that stood in the middle of the city. Expectedly.. He plans to destroy earth along with humanity in it.

To get to him, first step is to take out all his minions before reaching the boss... We need to interrogate Jeanne to find out more about the other evil counterpart. Berserker of Shinjuku’s location revealed. Giving the advice to endure the hardship, Edmond gives one last warning to not trust our Archer of Shinjuku before ending the call.

Edmond now anticipates our reaction and decision towards Archer of Shinjuku, while he continues his investigation.

I’ll stop here for now, and continue later! Definitely by far, Shinjuku’s singulartiy is by far my favorite for EOR. I’m taking a break and look forward with 2/3 of this Singularity left to complete!

[fleurdelisgigi]

Wine fueled rant about Shameless that spiraled out of control

Ok so it has been a long while since I’ve made a Gallavich post, I’m still salty and I don’t plan on watching this new season, though as it grows near I am looking forward to reading @koganphrancis ’s scathing episode reviews that gave me life through Season 7.

So here is the thing that really bothers me and I think it is one of the main reasons the writers think they can get away with their bull shit and it comes from the seasonal promotional posters. For the past, Imma say, 3 or 4 seasons the main posters for them only include 3 characters (the ones shown on everything), the three characters that the shows creators some how think are the most popular. Lip, Fiona and Frank.

Lip.

Fiona.

Frank.

And where they are fucking wrong is that these aren’t actually the most interesting characters in this fucking show.

Lip is an arrogant asshole, Fiona… to be honest I don’t even know who she is anymore but all of her plots are “I’m going to take care of myself for a change” and revolve around which ever hot dick shes fucking, then there’s Frank who hasn’t had an interesting or relevant plot since Season 4 (where I would argue they should have fucking KILLED him, but he’s William H. Macy…so, you know, they cant?)

* Also random side note, if they and him were locked into some kind of 7 season contract I would have fucking saved the whole LIVER FAILER plot for the seventh season! For real cuz if anyone knows anything about hospital politics a LIFE LONG ALCOHOLIC would not have gotten a new liver. Period. I mean just watch some House episodes and you can see how the whole fucking board of directors have to come together and debate about the god damn donor list, if a person shows signs of heavy alcohol/ drug abuse or suicidal tendencies they are not given a top spot. ALSO WHERE THE FUCK DID THE HOSPITAL BILLS GO????

SO anyways, I’ve been reading stuff, sleuthing in the fandom like a phantom and I have some opinions.

Firstly about how Mickey and Ian’s break up and how its totally and completely fucking out of left field. I think that the negotiations, like last year, were going on during filming/around the time editing and filming was being wrapped up. I’m not sure what went down but that scene is so disjointed and the aftermath and the Sammi thing, I think that was all thrown together last minute as a way to write Mickey/Noel off (in a terrible, poorly written, petty way).

In some previous interview, JW stated that Gallavich was endgame and that he thought they were going to be the sort of “Stable” couple on the show.

I think the original intention was going to be that Sammi was dead. Boom.

*That would have probably been either a main plot point in season 6 or it would have been sort of fleetingly mentioned as a thing then it would have gone away.

I think that Ian was supposed to come back from his field trip to insanity with Monica and have a sort of heart to heart with Mickey

*Ian shows up at Milkovich house

M: Where the hell you been?

I: with Monica…

M:…You ok?

I: ‘Nods with teary eye’

Gallavich hugs

then they would just have one of their nonverbal moments with the tone of “We’ll figure this shit out together” and that would have been that. Episode ends.

And then the train wreck that is 6, 7 and most likely 8 was spawned with Noel being gone. Cuz here is the THING. Fiona ISNT INTERESTING, her plots ARNT INTERESTING. In the UK version Fiona left with Jimmy/Steve Season 1 (not that I am saying the US version should stay true or that the UK version is better, to be honest I don’t really enjoy the UK version). I don’t think she should have but I feel like if you are going to keep this character you should at least have a FUCKING PLAN of where you want her to FUCKING end up. Cuz season 1 Fiona, she was fucking great, I liked her, she was on my list of people I liked. I stilled liked her in Season 2, then Season 3 she started to annoy me, then FUCK season 4 Fiona and now she is just…..terrible. Season 5 Fiona I could tell they were really loosing touch with who she was.

*Another side note tid bit – her opening scene in Season 5 told me all I needed to know, her plot was going to revolve around some new fucking dick. We get this random ass scene with some guy we don’t know as a way of introducing him and letting us know that Fiona’s plot this season was going to be her desire to date this guy. Then her plot was literally, Ooooo this foreign lead singer is hot, My boss is hot, The lead singer is an asshole but his friend and base player is hot, my boss thinks I’m a Chaos junky, let me marry this base player I don’t know etc. etc. etc. There is no growth of character, there is no resolution, its just….. bullshit, its BULLSHIT

Then there is Lip who they fucking lost touch with…. Man I don’t even know because I never really liked Lip, he’s an arrogant piece of shit and to me has never redeemed himself AT ALL. To be honest I rather enjoyed watching him spiral out of control but that’s not my point. My point is that Lip has the same character/ plot issues as FUCKING FIONA its just reversed. Lip’s plots revolve around what ever new fresh PUSSY he’s fucking. And it took me a little while to figure that out, figure out that that’s why he isn’t interesting, not just because I don’t like him, not just because he’s an entitled arrogant douche, but because he has no PERSONAL GROWTH PLOT ITS ALL ABOUT THE GIRL HES FUCKING.

I could argue that with Fiona maybe it was hard to find a plot for her, what is she doing if not caring for the kids or fucking some new guy? Do I agree with that notion? No, but I can see it. With Lip, though? No, I don’t fucking buy it, he could have just had a “Stuggling in college” plot…there was just, no need to make it about some girl, Now I… don’t hate Amanda but for real? S1 Lip -Karen, S2 Lip – Karen and  Him being an idiot/Pregnancy, S3 Lip – Mandy, S4 Lip – Amanda, S5 Lip- Amanda/Helen, S6 Lip- Helen, S7 Lip- Sierra. Now I am not saying that there shouldn’t be any romance, I’m not advocating that Lip and Fiona should always be single. What I am saying is that Amanda and Helen and Sierra are totally unnecessary. Lip’s spiraling out of control plot could have just been him realizing he isn’t as much of a genius that he fucking thought he was, hes fucking failing in college BOOM that is an interesting fucking plot, the girls don’t think hes the shit anymore BOOM that is some build up to a persons fucking identity crisis. It just never made any SCENSE to me that Amanda would just suddenly be like… fuck my boyfriend I like his roommate cuz he has a little brother he takes care of. It just came out of left field for me and I didn’t get it. I really just…. didn’t get it, still don’t even with the weird plot with her wanting to piss off her dad, I NEVER GOT IT. Season 4 could have been the beginning of the end- it could have been him feeling lost, failing classes- no friends- no girls- shitty roommate, the struggle, then instead of him using Liam like a Chick Magnate they could have showed how FUCKING difficult it is to try and go to school and having a FUCKING child with you (a struggle that many women and men actually fucking face while trying to get a degree with out being able to afford child care). The whole Helen thing, ok maybe, that could have stayed as the catalyst that drives Lip to his rock bottom but…. Sierra? No, she just….. GOD, Season fucking 7 could have been about him attempting to GET SOBER WITH OUT ANY PUSSY.

Any-fucking-way, lets move on to Frank. Oh Franky-Franky-Frank. S1-4 Frank had something he did, and when they gave him Liver failure that should have been the end but no, they got him a liver and now his plots are just… comical stupidity? Season 5 Frank is… just making beer? Then meets Bianca who dies, Then Season 6 Frank is just a fucking asshole and that Queenie chick shows up, Season 7 Frank is…. making a new family of homeless people? Then Monica shows up? Its just random shit. I will be totally honest here, I stopped paying much attention to Franks shit Season 5, it was just so damn BORING. HE IS BORING. HIS PLOTS ARE ALWAYS BORING EVEN FROM THE BEGINGING. He is just this looming piece of shit in their lives and that’s all well and good, he sort of keeps them together in a way and I’m fine with his shitty boring plots because they were the sort of “comic relief to the show” and I’m not saying they need to kill him off or make him have better plots, whatever, my point is HE IS NOT INTERESTING, he should not be a MAIN that the show revolves around. As the random drunk father who comes in and out and is comic relief he is great but he is not the most interesting character in the show and he should not be who they focus all of their plot attention to.

So, with this in mind though. The writers act and think that these three are the show, the MAINS of the show and they for some reason think that LIP, FIONA, and FRANK are the reason people watch. So they put their energy into thinking of SHITTY plots for those three and then the other characters got tossed to the side and their plots are some how EVEN worse. Carl for example finally got a decent plot I guess with the whole military school thing (but he seems to be around for season 8 and this Meth bullshit sooooooooo, I guess he’s not doing that anymore????? I really only watched S7 for Mickey’s return and payed little to no attention to ANYONE else besides Ian, and I’ve not been all over the new promos and stuff, haven’t even watched the trailers or anything) but I hated his whole….drug lord thing is S6 HATED IT, I was SO PISSED WHEN THEY SENT HIM TO JUVIE OH MY GOHD.

Anyways, Debbie’s fucking baby plot…. I could see it, ok. I could. She has been one of those girls who wants to be older and that had been building for a while, the whole dad’s family wanting to take the baby thing I could have really lived without, though. But I’m….. not…… mad……….I………guess. I’m not happy with it…..but……I could see how it went that direction. Not a fan of so much of her plot though, it went really weird in S5. The whole Matty thing was just…… I hated that they decided to make Debbie into like…. what they did season 4. It really fucked her up and the direction they took her while believable I really wish they went a different route. Also I wish they hadn’t made her a fucking RAPIST. That would have been great.

Then poor fucking LIAM who they obviously have NO FUCKING CLUE what to do with. I mean…..he never fucking talks. Hes supposed to be like 7 now and he just says random cliché tocken black shit????? I just can’t even. Coming from a Biracial girl who grew up with her white mom mostly….um no. I’m not sure what I would have done with him, but I would hope the writers would put some kind of fucking effort into his character and plot, give him a quirk besides that fact that hes BLACK. Cuz that was his quirk when he was a baby, now he needs a fucking PERSONALITY. Like in the beginning when Carl and Debbie were young. Debbie was the sweet on and Carl was the kind of a sociopath weirdo. GIVE LIAM A PERSONALITY QUIRK THAT AS HE AGES YOU CAN GROW FROM. Like make him super good in school, or like the new Debbie in that he is really sweet ( I could really see that being a good direction to go in, in that, there are no 'sweet’ Gallagers anymore) and comforting. I don’t fucking know just give him something to fucking BE. I swear S1 Carl had no plot besides him being kind of weird and violet but they WORKED with it and made him one of my FAVS, fucking loved Carl’s development.

The Balls and the Thrupple was some bull shit. I’m not even going to break that down.

Now we move on to sweet sweet Ian and I have ranted about him before so I’ll try to keep this bit short and sweet. THERE IS SO MUCH FUCKING POTENTIAL WITH IAN. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. But because they didn’t know how to write him with out Mickey anymore and how to write him dealing with his FUCKING BIPOLAR they decided to let him fall into the same fucking pit that Lip and Fiona are in where his fucking plot revolves around SOME NEW DICK. You see in S4 the fucking point of view shifted from Ian to Mickey and they had a fucking ROUGH time figuring out how to shift it the fuck back. Now Ian’s plots haven’t been all about him either, in Season 1 it was about him being gay and Kash and Mickey but, just like the rest of them, he actually had a personality that we were being introduced to, then S2 we didn’t see Mickey much but we knew they were together and we got more of just Ian and we got to know him more, same in S3 (this doesn’t just go for Ian btw, in S1-S3 we got a lot more growth and understanding of the characters beyond the dick/pussy they were fucking, there was just a lot more good meaty shit going on plot wise) Anyways, Ian got reduced to the “token gay” and just….. it just fucking sucked man. Everything sucked. I mean fuck, I can’t even explain how much I hate the jail scene. Or the fucking SHIFT OF GAY FIREFIGHTERS. UM FUCKING SERIOUSLY?????

*fucking side note tid bit! Fucking NO ok that isn’t a thing that exists in reality ok. I can totally buy the Gay baseball game thing, I can see that being a thing that happens (though making Tony gay….I really didn’t think that was super funny???? I don’t know, I can see him discovering that he was gay mainly because he had been a virgin for so long buuuuut his whole “Your sister made me gay” thing? I just wasn’t amused), you know, the gay firefighters and gay cops doing a thing like that, just like I can imagine female firefighters and female cops doing something like that. But the shift? WHO thought that was funny?WHO I WANT TO KNOW WHO

I think they had a whole plot lined up for Ian and Mickey. I think S6 was going to be them working on getting Ian medicated and on the right path and dealing with that.

THEY HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL WITH THESE CHARACTERS but they are ignoring it in favor of OTHERS. They make Fiona and Frank’s boring ass plots the main fucking focus along with Lip and there is so much potential in EVERYONE ELSE but they just…. don’t do anything good with them.

I’m drinking wine and this has gotten out of control, I don’t even know what the main point to this is supposed to be besides I think the writers focus too much on 3 boring characters and thus make ridiculous shitty plots for everyone else and they have totally lost touch with what the show is supposed to be about! It used to be about a family living SHAMELESSLY they were proud of their heritage and their life. They loved who they were! Fiona was a shameless hood girl taking care of the family and trying to keep them all afloat, Lip was the genius who would rather stay where he was then be the “golden goose”, Ian was the responsible middle child who wanted to go into the army- in love with the neighborhood thug and loved his life, Debbie was sweet and the shining beacon of goodness and innocence in their life, Carl was the wild one with sociopathic tendencies, Liam was the baby (haha), Frank was the shitty alcoholic father and Monica was the bipolar mother who abandoned them. But there was still family here, here was connection and strength and love. Loyalty and Shamelessness. SHAMELESSNESS. That was the fucking point.

Now whats the point? SHAME? They're all trying to become some kind of middle class bullshit? I just……. I don’t know what this show is anymore and it makes me sad.

[itsbenedict]

No Driver’s License: Session 2

[adventure log]

Last time on No Driver’s License, our heroes got into a big battle! This time on No Driver’s License, we spend three and a half hours finishing up said big battle! As the GM I’m tempted to say it’s because people kept waiting until it was their turn before thinking about what they should do, but. Let’s be honest. It took two sessions because I’m the idiot who thought “Oh, yeah! Let’s throw eighteen separate enemies at the players as a tutorial battle! That’s reasonable!”

Anyway, here’s where we were last time:

They’d just performed a daring rescue, snatching new PC Takamine Seina out from the midst of a swarm of snelephants, and dealing a few hits to the foe in the process. Makoto’s unfortunate rolls landed her in peril, though, and the team was left in a precarious position! Let’s get into the blow-by-blow of how they managed to get themselves out of this one.

First thing we did, before resuming the fight, was distribute Minor Advancements. Since we ditched the various incomplete skill mechanics in Magical Burst 5a for a custom ability system, there were only three real options available, and one was obviously the right choice- everyone took a Specialization, which gave them a few useful abilities to make the fight more survivable. Knight/Priestess/Sorceress are Magical Burst’s answer to the tank/healer/DPS meta from other RPGs. For reference:

Knights: Tsutsui Makoto, Takamine Seina

Priestess: Gomu Sakura

Sorceress: Kotono Yukari, Kazama Ibara

(I let Ibara take a modified version of Sorceress, allowing her to Aim melee attacks instead of ranged attacks, since she’s a very melee-focused build.)

So, when we left off, it was the enemy’s turn. The snelephants charged, targeting Ibara and Sakura. The archers also focused on those two, not quite blotting out the sun but forcing me to make a LOT of 2d6 rolls. Sakura’s armor and good rolls let her get out completely unscathed, but Ibara got pretty heavily wounded- to the point where one or two good attacks would finish her off.

Ibara responded to this circumstance, of course, by charging in deeper to attack the stronger enemies that had advanced during their turn. What’s “retreat”? What’s “defense”? Do you even know who you’re talkin’ to? Do you have any idea- any idea, who she is? You listening? OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and Ibara? She hurts people. So, stupendously awful tactical decision, excellent bit of roleplaying.

Yukari does... pretty much what she’ll be doing for the entire rest of this battle, which is: comboing Prophecy and Strike the Future to make a spillion attacks per round. She has the ability to roll to get loads of extra Support Actions, and then use those Support Actions to make Ranged Attacks, albeit on a one-turn time delay that risks missing or hitting allies if she fails to predict the battlefield properly. It’s pretty bonkers, and her bullets from last session take out a couple snelephants.

Sakura and Makoto, meanwhile, play defensive- Sakura locks down the enemies in her zone with Morasses Taffy and heals up Makoto, and Makoto creates a stone labyrinth in their zone to block ranged attacks from the archers in the back. She also uses her Support Action to protect Ibara with Camouflage, saving her ass from the advancing glass tigers (Waneki-nekos).

The enemies get a turn, and all flub their rolls spectacularly, doing no damage whatsoever. Great work! Another cat advances, though, and Ibara is a little bit surrounded.

Nishi-chan capitalizes on Ibara’s decision to charge ahead by editing the battlefield again! She raises the elevation of Ibara’s zone, trapping her up top with two waneki-nekos and keeping her allies from backing her up.

By the end of the enemy turn, the battlefield looks like this:

Makoto, though, decides: fuck cliffs! Who cares? She’s going to use her turn to get both her AND Sakura up there- first by tossing Sakura using the Throw rules I created last session (a Support Action), and then by using her Main Action to scale the cliff herself. Sakura locks down the tigers with taffy, and then offers a heal to Ibara- which, in fluff terms, manifests as her offering Ibara a magic healing chocolate bar embossed with her own face.

(You’re all horrible. Horrible.

This marks, by the way, the first of a recurring pattern wherein Gomu Sakura cannot escape the gay thoughts. She is lowkey crushing on every one of her teammates and I guess everyone is going to have to just deal with that!)

So, after that debacle, Ibara attempts to hit a homerun with- not a ball, not a bat, but a cat. She uses Glide Curse to whack a Waneki-neko out of the zone, and over at Nishi-chan. Nishi-chan, though, disintegrates her own monster before letting it hit her.

Hahahaha! You think you can use THEM against ME? I made them, idiot! Use your brain, for onc- oh, I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me. I forgot you don't HAVE one!

Ibara is not pleased.

On Yukari’s turn, some of her predestined bullets land and wipe out a handful of the weaker mooks. She also uses her signature move- Consign to Oblivion, which is like her other future-bullet move- except instead of landing the next turn, she rolls every turn, and every turn the roll fails and the bullet hasn’t struck, the enemy suffers -1 to its rolls from nervousness. She targets Nishi-chan.

The surviving snelephants split up- one heading for Yukari, Tama-chan, and Seina- and the other climbing the cliff (a giant porcelain teapot) to join the fight in the center. 

The battlefield is thinning out, but the Waneki-nekos and archers still get to move- and move they do. One climbs to join the teapot fight, and the other attacks Sakura- who takes her first damage of the battle, and it’s a doozy. That- combined with arrow fire- drops her down to 4 Resolve, and she’s feeling the burn.

On seeing Sakura get so badly hurt, Takamine Seina decides she’s had enough of being a bystander- and right then and there, makes a contract with Tama-chan to become a magical girl. She wishes for the power to make other people more caring- and with that, she’s in the fight. I’ll give y’all a placeholder drawing and a bio next update, when we get to know her a little better.

Purple dress, the skirt resembles an upside down flower. Yellow shoes. Soul gem is also purple, located on the back of her neck.

So now it’s the PC’s turn to try and finish the fight! Ibara starts us off by... not knocking the cat off the teapot, but instead trying to use her Shear Force ability to dissolve it. She... flubs her roll, and deals one damage. She isn’t happy about this.

Then Yukari’s bullet lands- and she uses both of her Sorceress Boosts- exploding the damn thing’s head and dropping everyone’s jaws. She also fires off another Consign to Oblivion, leaving two bullets to hang over Nishi-chan like swords of Damocles.

The next couple turns are a whole bunch of bad rolls and not a lot happening. Sakura, using her Gumdrop Goggles ability, is able to pierce the illusion of the Waneki-neko.

Sakura- through your Gumdrop Goggles, you can see the minor enchantment on these guys- when you're looking at them, you can only see them as they appeared the instant you started looking at them, but in reality, they move like living creatures. waneki-nekos are basically like Weeping Angels except they only look frozen in place when you're looking at them if you turned to look at one right before it hit you, you'd see it all snarly with its claws outstretched and then if you kept your eye on it, it'd stay in a weird attacking pose

Then Ibara knocks it off a cliff and it dies. Yukari and Seina manage to finally finish off the lone snelephant that came to harass them. It’s down to Nishi-chan, her archers, and one wounded snelephant that’s just trying its best.

Finally, a Consign to Oblivion bullet lands, striking the boss for 2 damage! ...Which she instantly heals off by draining health from one of her archers.

To end the fight, Sakura- after cutting down the poor innocent snelephant, may it rest in peace- uses that Throw action I’m going to regret introducing to the game. This is just going to be how they move around, now! Constantly Fastball Specialing each other to where they need to be! I was clearly premature in giving a title to this campaign, because apparently it should be named Mahou Shoujo Pinball.

So Ibara is thrown right up in Nishi-chan’s face. 

"Y'know what?" "I'm havin' a real good day." Of course, Nishi absorbs power from its little buddies, the archers. Which meant the tried-and-true measure of what she had to admit she now was. That is, a magical girl. "Finishing move..." (Even delinquents crave their chance to say shit like that, after all.) "...something something EAT RAW SKULL HAMMER!" (But delinquents aren't great with names.)

She dumps her Boosts and Power Strike into the attack, which- hoo boy- severely fucks up Nishi-chan.

Nishi-chan takes 7 damage, and consumes... 3+3+1 HP from the falling archers, which evaporate. Hey! Fuck off! Nishi-chan rolls with the blow, hackles raised. You know what? You're all cheaters! Every last one of you is a cheater! This sucks!

At that point, I declare the combat over, and allow the party to converge on the lone adversary, who Ibara has snatched up by the scruff of her neck. They debate what to do with her- Makoto suggests skinning it alive, horrifying the party- whereas leveller heads suggest just killing the damn thing painlessly. (Mako takes a point of Trauma from the party’s freaked-out reaction to her suggestion, on her “Feeling alienated from “normal” people” track.)

Yukari- being the only girl here who’s ever been in a real fight before, the only one who’s hunted witches, the only one who knows the truth of the PMMM setting- has an interesting concern.

Someone suggests imprisoning Nishi-chan in a cat carrier. Tama-chan points out that she’d just teleport out- and that reminds Nishi-chan that she can teleport. Which she does, out of Ibara’s hands. Somehow, though, Tama-chan is able to block her teleportation, forcing her to rematerialize feet away. There’s a bit of slapstick chase-and-grab going on, while they all argue over just how they’re supposed to deal with this monster-summoning magic cat, when...

Hey, did you forget about the second time Yukari fired a Consign to Oblivion shot? Because I SURE DID! What happens next wasn’t even my idea. Thanks, Zero!

A bullet flies out of nowhere and instakills Nishi-chan, taking the decision out of the party’s hands. Everyone’s a little shaken by this- until Tama-chan groans and points out that Incubators can’t die for good- Nishi-chan will respawn later, in a location they can’t predict, and they’ve missed their chance to deal with her more permanently.

That’s around where we ended the session- but not before everyone rolled 2d6!+Real to see if they noticed anything strange. Makoto was the only one to pass her impromptu Insight check with a crit 15 (everyone’s Real is a pretty neglected stat.)

What Makoto noticed is that Nishi-chan’s corpse had two eyes. Nishi-chan, before dying, had three eyes, just like Tama-chan.

That’s weird, huh? That’s ominous? I hope it was ominous. Chew on that one, until next week!

[blackbatpurplecat]

@doc-scarecrow replied to your post “Oh God. I can’t wait for the current season of Supergirl to be over so...”

Tell us how you really feel about the show.

That’s... actually kinda it. I’m annoyed by it. Or annoyed by what is has become.

It started out so promising, season 1 was fun. It had great characters that developed, it had action, charm, the cast had chemistry, Kara was the actual main character, a kickass woman who didn’t need her cousin’s help, her sister was a badass, her boss was a badass, Lucy Lane was a badass - we got many awesome women - and the love between two sisters was a main focus. Okay, we had to endure a will-they-won’t-they starring Kara and Jimmy but it was bearable. I don’t say it was good but it didn’t make me want to put my head through the monitor.

Season 2 is garbage. For example, they immediately introduced Superman and had him in 2 episodes because the female lead isn’t enough to pull in viewers, she’s only a woman after all. After one entire season of pining, Kara and Jimmy finally got together but she immediately left him again because INSERT REASON HERE. She dumps him out of the blue and I am convinced it’s because he’s black. The writers don’t want an interracial love story, nope, can’t do that. Let’s introduce a horrendous bland, white pretty boy who abuses the female lead, that’s what people want to see.

And so far we’ve had TWO storylines that weren’t even covered in the show! Oh no, you wanna know how they end? Watch The Flash, a mediocre DC TV show. No one watches it so they had to plug it. I hate that in comic books and I despise it even more in TV shows. Your show’s called Supergirl, I want to watch Supergirl and her adventures. I don’t give a fuck about The Flash or Arrow, those cliffhangers won’t make me watch those shows but they will make me hate yours.

The gay subplot with Alex is by far the best development in this season. It showed us a realistic coming-out for a both badass and vulnerable character and now she’s in a loving relationship with another badass woman without any major drama or death. (btw if they kill off Maggie or break them up, I will set their studio on fire) But(!!!) that relationship a) doesn’t have enough screentime (remember when they said the Valentine’s episode would be about the lesbians? and then they got like 3min of screentime?! WTF?!) and b) robs us of Kara-Alex scenes which were kinda the soul of season 1. Both women barely spend any time together anymore and I miss it.

Another relationship that has HIGH potential to become a gay subplot is that “friendship” between Lena Luthor and Kara. Holy shit, could it be any more obvious that Lena is interested in Kara? She sends her flowers, she adores her, she respects her, she praises her - and man, are those some serious heart eyes, motherfucker! 

How amazing would it be if not only Alex but also Kara realised that she’s into girls?! Two amazing female role models, one gay and the other bi! Think of the representation, think of the queer fans who would jump with joy! BUT NO, one same sex plot is already almost too much. We can’t have that.

Then we had that conflict between J’onn and M'gann which was extremely interesting! Their races have a brutal history, they went from foes to allies to almost-lovers. Watching them was precious. I mean that one flashback scene with the Green Martian holocaust, that was dark and deep! It also made us feel sympathy for both characters. They had a fascinating relationship but nope, J’onn doesn’t deserve a personal life and we don’t need another woman, let’s have her move back to space for no reason. (you also knew that they would fall in love because SURPRISE SURPRISE she was played by a black actress, as I said before NO interracial love stories here, we can’t have that!)

In general, the theme of family got lost. The sisters are barely together, J’onn only spits out expositions, Jimmy doesn’t even show up in several episodes and his STEEL alter ego constantly gets his ass handed to him, Winn’s just... there to fuck aliens, I dunno. Where are the strong bonds from the first season?!

And as I said, the biggest shitpile of a disgrace is the entire Mon-El plot, a disgustingly arrogant character that took the show away from Kara and is now the lead himself. He’s constantly acting like an apocalyptic fuck head without facing any consequences. Even worse, he gets rewarded for being a douche! Sometimes, they call him out on his shit but in the end, he’s the good guy we’re supposed to like. Oh haha, he’s so funny and charming and totally learns from his mistakes and is a better person now.

Even the Supergirl actress, Melissa Benoist, does not like the pairing but can’t say anything out loud because of her contract.

The Valentine’s Day episode was the worst thing I’ve seen on a TV show for a while, I felt like puking. They keep introducing guys who are in love with Kara but this time, two abusive douche canoes fought over her. Was that an attempt at making Mon-El look good? If that was the case, then it epically failed! It just proved how alike he and Mxyzptlk (who’s an attractive mid-twen man now... okay...?!) are! Both are overbearing, possessive fucks who don’t respect Kara, ignore any boundaries, don’t give a shit about her feelings, her wishes, her thoughts, and see her as an object to possess. Kara even pointed out over and over and over again what a self-centered cockwomble Mon-El is and that they do not match!!! YET SHE GOT INVOLVED WITH HIM BECAUSE HE’S AS STRONG AS HER SO THEY CAN FUCK WITHOUT ANY DANGER, the same piss poor reason people keep pairing up Superman and Wonder Woman!

And we shouldn’t forget that Kara gave up her dream job and her life as Kara for him because he told her she’d be better off that way! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK??? 

The message is clear: boys, you can be assholes but girls will love you for it and girls, it’s okay for a boy to lie to you and disrespect you as long as he is pretty and claims he loves you. Your boyfriend is abusive and always tells you what to do? You better forgive him and realise he’s right because he’s a good person behind all the crap.

Gimme a fucking break!

Oh and what’s even better!!! Kara FINALLY dumped his abusive ass in the last episode - BUT HE COMPLETELY IGNORES IT! He does NOT accept the fact that she dumped him for lying to her! Yet again, he does not respect what Kara says and does, and continues to live in his own little world. After breaking into her apartment to wait for her there in the dark, this is another trait that reminds me of the behavior of a stalker. He sickens me, he disgusts me, he makes me so fucking mad. If they don’t kill him off in a horrific, bloody, gruesome rated-R fashion in the season’s finale, I’ll quit the show.

If only Cat Grant was here... She would know how to treat a peckerface like Mon-El and straighten out Kara for falling for his shit!

I MISS SEASON ONE SUPERGIRL!!!

[awed-frog]

First Blood/Hissatsu

So, I’m fine. Yep.

[S9 gifs by @zerostumbleine33, here; S12 gifs by @subcas, here]

Again - I’m fine.

Really, the fact Cas is probably about to be swept away by a hellfire of pain and hurt doesn’t touch me in any way. I’m just peachy.

That said -  

Random favourite moments

Dean calling Cas, like, three times even if Cas wasn't picking up instead of trying Mary or Jody 

'Cas, what have you done?'

basically every time Cas was on screen

‘That is totally mentally normal’

how Mr Ketch looks at Cas like he wants to eat him up

the fact that Blue Steel pic is still out there

‘Dean told me to go’. 

I also loved that little ‘they talk, but they never tell you what you need’ exchange, not only because, in a happy moment of serendipity, it reminded those Trump supporters who watch the show that torture doesn’t work (and it is, unfortunately, a timely reminder), but also because of what it seemed to imply about the years Dean, and especially Sam, spent in Hell - my headcanon is that Lucifer didn’t want so much to break Sam as he wanted some form of devotion from him - recognition - love, even - and I’m sure Sam gave up at some point, and did say whatever; but, as this guy just told us, what you say under torture is never the truth, or even what you need to hear.

Honourable mention

“Do you know how many all-powerful beings have tried to kill them?”

“Roughly, yes.”

“As do I. I was bloody one of them.”

Personally, I’d say the theme of this episode was the best and most moving of all the Winchester themes - self-sacrifice - so this is how I looked at it and what I’ll mostly write about.

(For my take on Mary and the Destiel bits, scroll down.)

Now, I didn't see any clues, textual or subtextual, to make me suspect Dean wasn't sincere when he said he called Billie because a black-ops site was worse than Hell; on the other hand, Dean's general tendency is to lie, and I have been blessed with a truly staggering dose of common sense, so I'm going to headcanon my way around that one and say Dean was lying, because no way six weeks in that place were enough to break him in any way and the reason he called Billie was not that he couldn't bear it, but that he was worried sick about Sam and how Sam was dealing with being locked up (and he had reason to be - look at how Sam reacted when the door closed on him). Even if we haven't seen it all that much on screen (aaaaargh), Lucifer's return last year must have fucked up Sam's mind and sense of self pretty badly, and I'm sure there were telling signs Dean picked up on, even if, as Real Men, they probably didn't talk about it at all. So, yes, it’s true - Dean doesn't do alone, but he did endure years of torture which probably included isolation at some point, so this is not what he can't stand - what he can't stand, and his breaking point, is not knowing what is being done to his kid brother (keep in mind the last time Sam was kidnapped, only a few months back, someone had been peeling his skin right off by the time Dean had managed to find him, so, yeah) and whether Mary and Cas, not to mention all the other people he cares about, are being hunted down themselves, and killed off one by one. 

(On that note, I resented the usual doublespeak, because, keeping in mind their split audience, one half of it was probably overjoyed to hear US agencies are capable of cracking criminals faster than a hord of demons, while the other half - us - was happy to consider the whole thing as yet another wave of criticism to the current administration, and what the fuck? How can we see this show so differently? How does this work?)

So, well - calling Billie was not any kind of plan. It was suicide, or, rather, self-sacrifice to keep everyone else safe, which is why the title of this meta is hissatsu: that's what Japanese kamikaze pilots shouted before plunging to their deaths.

("Certain kill.")

What this episode showed very well is that, no matter how much they don't discuss it and ignore it and wait for it to go away, both Sam and Dean are still very, very fucked up. This Dean calling a nuclear strike on himself (because, who are we kidding, he was never going to let Sammy take the fall for this) is almost the same Dean whose instinct was to die for his brother back in season 2 - his self-esteem has gone up a notch since then, but apparently not enough (and why would it?). And the Sam who agrees with whatever crazy plan his older brother has cooked up, in full and complete knowledge of the even crazier terms of it, is the same little kid for whom Dean was the centre of the known universe and a permanent, crucial piece of it.

(I know we've been shown snippets of the Winchesters’ childhood where Sam was fighting with Dean, or openly defiant, but I still think those were exceptional circumstances. The standard behaviour for those kids when John was not around was to follow John's orders - 'You look after your brother, right, Dean? And Sammy - Dean is in charge. He tells you to jump, you ask how high' - simply because Dean was older and knew far more about the dangers of their world; and as for those times John was there - yeah. We've seen the way that dynamic worked.

Sigh.)

What neither of them was counting on, of course, is that they've got two other self-loathing kamikazes on their team: Mary, who reminds me more of John with every passing day, and Cas, who's so close to breaking point I am watching every single one of his scenes through my fingers.

Now, I like Mary as a character, but I am not sure if I'd get along with her. She still doesn't know how to act around Sam and Dean, and I don't blame her for that, but the way she is with Cas reveals one part of her personality I do not like at all, because Mary, from the very start, behaved like a military superior around Cas - something that was facilitated by the fact Cas is very good at following orders (or used to it, at any rate) and crippled by entire oceans of self-doubt. Like, when Mary ordered Cas to hurt that veterinarian, it legit made my skin crawl, not only because the situation was objectively skin-crawling, but mainly for how naturally that came to Mary - how she flawlessly slipped into a 'boss of a hunter family' persona we've seen a couple of times now - and those groups were held together not by love and respect, but by blind loyalty to a leader, whatever the cost or consequences.

(That's also how armies operate, of course. And cults. And, well - vampires and some other monsters.

And it's not normal.)

No, Mary never gave a chance to Cas back then, and she doesn't now - I'm not saying she's evil - she's got those moments where she's all soft and we can see she's a decent person who cares about others - but when push comes to shove, she leads her 'crew' the same way John was around his boys - with her eyes on the prize, not caring, or understanding, who or what she's destroying to get there. And since what she destroyed in First Blood was the last shred of Cas' self-esteem, I feel sort of personally attacked there. 

Because Cas - I am fed up that they write him and dumb and powerless when he's neither, and I don't believe for a moment that, in the hands of someone else, his mounting despair and self-doubt whould have been shorthanded as him having a panic attack around vampires - that was a bit lazy, Andrew. 

All the same, I get where he's coming from. Cas keeps failing at things, doesn't belong anywhere (I wonder who picked that image of a blue, open sky as his phone background - Sam, probably), and his genuine need to keep Sam and Dean safe is less and less an expression of his deep and honest love for them and more a symptom that he’s becoming a true Winchester - someone who can't accept death, ever, because every death is his fault, because he's useless and broken and if he'd done things differently everything would be okay - so, congrats - after years of lowkey trying, Cas has finally turned into Dean, and it's not a pretty sight. After billions of years of traumatic existence we know nothing about, it's taken Cas only eight to go from someone who accepts some things are out of his control and all we can do is our best to this person who's ready to tear it all down to save someone he loves, and his own life and the rest of the universe be damned. Cas is now a fully-fledged S2!Dean, and I think Billie's murder spells worse times ahead, because Billie was it, wasn't she? one of the last stabilizing forces in the universe, and Cas killed her, and he also breached a sacred contract - the consequences won't be pretty, at all.

Another point I feel sort of matters is that this episode continued to play the fascinating game of 'do they want to represent the Winchesters as incompetent or it’s just random'. Like, that forest scene - maybe it's just me, but if someone's after you and you cross a creek, aren't you supposed to cross diagonally so it'll be harder for your enemies to find you? 

And isn't it sort of a bad idea to bait a Super Villain on the radio, especially when you don't know exactly where he is? And did they truly expect the BMoL would leave those people alone? Really?

Also, why didn't Dean summon Crowley, instead of Billie? Because Crowley was looking for them - he admitted as much to Cas before pretending he didn't care at all, remember that? It was a beautiful, precious moment. Cas asked him to go through his contacts and Crowley snarkily said he'd already done that, cue my fond smile that could probably be heard from my apartment all the way down to the street. 

(Oh, Crowley.)

So, anyway, can't you summon a demon by drawing his specific runes in blood or apple juice or coleslaw or something? I seem to remember Sam and Dean summoning and trapping demons in that way before, and even summoning and trapping Crowley, so surely it's more of a phonecall than a generic shout into the demonic void? And it would have worked?

The reasons Dean never even thinks about doing that are all irrelevant to his actual story - ie, they have nothing to do with him and his personal feelings on the matter and everything to do with the narrative. Because not only they wanted to show Mary gives a damn and get Cas in trouble (again), but Crowley is no longer relevant as an 'oh no, I have to work with my sworn enemy and we hate each other and he will double-cross me and kill me at the first occasion and what will I ever do' villain -

- because come on, he's just not. I'm not saying he wouldn't be after some kind of compensation - hello, still a demon - but at this point, he's more of an ally than anything else, and that's why this role, which would have been his in earlier seasons, was filled by the BMoL instead - and they did a good job of it. I actually like those characters, I think the actors are doing a terrific job. Of course, as I said in earlier metas, I was hoping we'd avoid the usual 'Americans are fiercely independent rednecks | the British are sophisticated psychos' thing, but I suppose it's too good a trope to ever give up -

(*looks at the camera like she's in the office*) 

- and it sort of fit, because, as Cas said (yay!), American hunters are kind of rednecky.

As for Destiel - when Dean managed to talk to Cas, he told him they were on the clock, which we later understood to mean one of them was about to die, which means the reason Dean wanted Cas to hurry was not so he’d help them escape from the special ops guys, but so Dean could say goodbye to him. After all, he was the one dying - no question about that. And Sam’s reaction - that cautious ‘You didn’t tell him?’ - yeah. As I said, I’m fine. This episode was fine.

What was also fine was the way Dean looked at Cas, then away, when Billie appeared.

Also, that thing of them sitting in the car at the end gave me distinct ‘I’m lowkey hoping we can hold hands at some point and maybe fall asleep on each other' vibes because what the hell else was Dean doing in the back seat and when the hell has he ever been in the back seat of anything that wasn’t a police car, but maybe I’m wrong here - I may have been brainwashed by @grey2510‘s hiatus story, who even knows - fanon and canon are just empty words at this point. 

But the way Dean was looking at Cas didn't help.

Last two things -

Shout out for Mick for using that even when they come bearing gifts expression - that’s a verbatim translation of the Latin phrase et dona ferentes, from the Aeneid, and the point of that book is that Laocoön was right: gifts or no gifts, the Greeks were dangerous, so I can’t wait for Mr Ketch to build some kind of fake horse and kill everyone; and finally, I’m not American, but surely the timeline didn’t work? When Dean called Cas, it had to be early afternoon, and we know Billie showed up at midnight. Mary was somewhere in Missouri - that’s almost four hours away from the Bunker - and the Bunker is ten hours away from the Rocky Mountains?

[feedbaylenny]

Listen to this.

Ever heard anything so absurd? It’s not “Follow the Leader” because there is no leader. There are local TV news anchors. I don’t think one of them wants to be on the air reciting the crap their corporate bosses ordered them to do. Not even their managers on the job site.

But these local TV news anchors around the country, along with many others, are now reading those nonsense marketing scripts the rulers of Sinclair Broadcast Group demanded, and I’ve written about here and here. Of course, there are plenty more references to Sinclair on this blog, since they’re so awful and there’s so much to reveal.

According to yesterday’s Bloomberg, the statement takes “aim at the integrity of other U.S. media outlets.”

That left many – myself included – wondering why some of the company’s journalists with credibility didn’t just quit.

Sinclair owns or operates an astounding 193 TV stations around the country, in 89 cities, covering about 38 percent of the American population. It has been trying, unsuccessfully so far, to buy a smaller giant, Tribune Media. Let’s hope it stays that way until they fail.

And it seems most of the Sinclair anchors, among the highest paid employees at their stations – which isn’t saying much, depending on location – are angry over the whole thing. They don’t want to do it.

So why are they doing what they’re told, despite the fact they hate everything about it, personally and professionally? Wouldn’t you have more respect for someone who uses their conscience and just says no, regardless of the consequences?

Bloomberg reports,

“The short answer is the cost may be too steep. According to copies of two employment contracts reviewed by Bloomberg, some Sinclair employees were subject to a liquidated damages clause for leaving before the term of their agreement was up: one that requires they pay as much as 40 percent of their annual compensation to the company.”

Can you imagine?

And that right to enforce the liquidated damages clause isn’t just a scare tactic.

Bloomberg says last Oct. 13, it sued former reporter James Beaton of WPEC-West Palm Beach, Fla., for breach of contract, asking for $5,700 in damages as well as other related costs, according to a copy of the complaint filed in state court.

He “quit in 2015 to start a public-relations firm, leaving the news industry entirely,” after being “ordered to do ‘man on the street’ interviews that he felt were politically biased.”

The company’s bias is well-known. Add breach of contract penalties and that says to me, don’t work for Sinclair!

Bloomberg followed up.

“He said Sinclair offered to settle its lawsuit three months ago for $1,700 but demanded he sign a gag order promising not to talk to the press about Sinclair. ‘I told them to go jump in a lake,’ he said.”

Good for him!

As for the damage clauses, Bloomberg cited several employment lawyers as saying they’re rare for regular employees but

“more common in the broadcast industry, specifically when dealing with on-air talent. The clause serves to protect companies from costs associated with replacing an anchor who suddenly leaves, for example. Yet at Sinclair, at least some employees who never appeared on television were still required to sign such contracts, the former employees said.”

On top of “the potential financial penalty,” there are forced non-compete clauses in contracts that mean employees must sit out and cannot go to the competition. In other words, they will have to move to a whole new city if they want to collect a paycheck. Luckily, states like California, Montana, North Dakota and Oklahoma ban them for the most part. I believe Missouri did a few years back, and Utah took action over the past few weeks.

Furthermore, there is forced arbitration which means no sympathetic jury for the employee.

Typical Sinclair! No reasonable person can feel anything but resentment if they know how the company operates.

But there’s no shortage of information.

Journalists, as natural storytellers, have put Sinclair under major scrutiny by having them share the same scripted, anti-media talking points around the country.

Mediaite reports in Portland, Ore., the general manager issued an internal memo instructing his staff not to answer questions from anyone contacting them! FTVLive’s Scott Jones has a copy of the memo, which says most callers “likely haven’t actually watched and don’t have full context on (sic) due to social media, etc. I will also remind you that giving statements to the media or sharing negative information about the company can have huge implications.” Click here to see it.

So much for communications! If a Sinclair reporter wants to talk to you, then don’t talk to them. If there is negative information about the company, shouldn’t it come clean? Not in this business!

Wikimedia Commons

Ajit Pai (Wikipedia)

Don’t forget Sinclair is conservative not impartial like newscasts are supposed to be. President Trump appointed Ajit Pai Federal Communications Commission chairman, and he’s under investigation for improperly pushing for rule changes to benefit Sinclair Broadcasting in its attempt to acquire Tribune Media.

And, a month after the presidential election, President Trump’s son-in-law and advisor Jared Kushner said Sinclair executives worked with the campaign to spread pro-Trump messages in Sinclair newscasts. Sinclair vehemently denied that and claimed it offered equal amounts of airtime for in-depth interviews to Trump’s rival, Hillary Clinton, and she declined the invitation.

Yesterday, The Huffington Post reported,

“Such efforts include promoting favorable coverage of Trump’s 2016 campaign and requiring affiliates to air conservative commentaries by Boris Epshteyn, a former Trump adviser.”

Back in January, I wrote:

“In 2004, Sinclair barred the ABC affiliates it owned from airing the episode of Nightline that profiled American soldiers killed overseas. (It owns stations affiliated with all of the networks.) The same year, it tried to get its stations to carry a pre-election film that bashed presidential candidate John Kerry. (Some might even say the First Amendment guaranteeing freedom of speech is only for station owners, not employees nor the public.)”

So you decide on Sinclair’s push to conservatism, based on what you’ve seen here, or if you live in a market where there’s a Sinclair station. By the way, that’s a whole lot of the country!

Sinclair territory, before it buys Tribune

It also fits nicely with what President Trump tweeted about the networks yesterday:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/981117684489379840

This is what he tweeted Monday:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/980799183425802240

But KOMO-Seattle anchor Mary Nam, at a Sinclair station, took issue with the president and had the guts to call him out for calling watching “Fake News Networks” funny.

https://twitter.com/Mary_Nam/status/980841085302796290

More props to another Sinclair station, WMSN in Madison, Wisc. They were dealing with record snowfall (even for them!) and an important state Supreme Court election. Sounds a lot more local, important and even life-saving than the bullshit Sinclair demanded.

https://twitter.com/fox47madison/status/980969621275717639

https://twitter.com/fox47madison/status/980973154834280448

And thanks again to FTV Live’s Scott Jones who found this gem from WGN-TV executive producer Jeff Hoover, whose Tribune station is technically not supposed to be bought by Sinclair, but instead by the chairman of Baltimore-based Atlantic Capital Group who’s a business partner of Sinclair executive chairman David Smith.

Oh, the price? A mere $60 million, rather than hundreds of millions for a highly-rated station in a big city like Chicago!

https://twitter.com/Groovyhoovy/status/980809034562404353

Who do you think will pull the strings? Same story in so many other cities where shell corporations, some almost entirely owned by the Smith family, hold the licenses that let Sinclair operate more stations than the rules allow.

Ethics? I think not. Overly controlling from the home office? Absolutely!

Yesterday afternoon, The Huffington Post reported,

“Some employees have spoken out about their frustration at having to parrot the conservative politics of their employer,” but also, “Others say they’d like to do more, but they’re wary due to what they say is Sinclair’s policy and practice of closely monitoring its employees.”

Click here for more and to read the entire Sinclair employee handbook.

The publication says,

“Labor lawyers tell HuffPost such language is common in workplace handbooks and contracts. But Sinclair employees say the company’s culture and behavior have made them particularly mindful of such policies.”

Also, “There’s a lot held over us,” a journalist at a Sinclair affiliate told HuffPost on the condition of anonymity. “They pay attention to what websites we’re on.”

Plus,

“Sinclair employees say their parent company often pays especially close attention to its affiliates’ editorial activities, meddling in how they present their stories and graphics, and sometimes going so far as to delete offensive comments on an affiliate’s online articles before that station’s own web editors have a chance to do so.”

And so many of the anchors who have to read the propaganda say they feel awful.

In Rochester, Norma Holland of WHAM-13’s Good Day Rochester wrote about her dilemma on Facebook:

“The Sinclair message you saw me and my colleagues in has damaged the trust you place in us — a trust that’s taken, me in particular, 22 years to build. That hurts. … I could have chosen to quit, but who among us has an alternate career in their back pocket ready to go? …I have a family to support. That’s not an excuse — that’s reality.”

(Full disclosure: Her boss wanted to hire me in Detroit in 2000 or 2001. Nice guy. This isn’t his fault.)

Then there’s Sinclair executive chairman David Smith, telling New York magazine yesterday,

“He dislikes and fundamentally distrusts the print media, which he believes ‘serves no real purpose.’ In emails to New York, Smith said that print — as in newspapers and magazines — is a reality-distorting tool of leftists. Print media, he said, has “no credibility” and no relevance.”

Yeah, so his company’s newscasts are where Americans should get their information about current events? Not newspapers with bigger staffs and specialists? Not TV or radio networks with people with decades of experience, some whom even covered Martin Luther King’s assassination 50 years ago tonight?

https://twitter.com/DanRather/status/981595803197194240

No, he forces his TV stations to go off on everyone else. What a bastard, who inherited the company from his daddy!

His earlier experience was as a partner at Ciné Processors, a bootleg porn manufacturer owned by his father Julian Sinclair Smith’s company, the Commercial Radio Institute, according to a 2005 story in Rolling Stone. Like father, like son.

David Smith even goes beyond Trump when it comes to not wanting publicity.

“New York communicated with Smith in mid-November, after requesting an interview.”

“Appreciate the interest in your wanting to do a story but we don’t talk to the print media as a general principal as we find them to be so devoid of reality and serving no real purpose. Have a great holiday,” Smith said in response. Later, he added, “Again my experience has consistently been that even with an interview it’s of no consequence in terms of spin, facts or distortion, political bent etc. The print media is so left wing as to be meaningless dribble which accounts for why the industry is and will fade away. Just no credibility. see ya.”

Then, “When New York asked Smith if he’d be open to meeting off the record at least, he replied, ‘I have also learned that there is no such thing as off the record. Bye.’”

FTV Live’s Scott Jones points out it was print media that reported on Smith’s arrest for committing a perverted sex act in a company-owned Mercedes a dozen years ago.

I wrote, less than a month ago:

The Baltimore Sun reported David Smith was arrested “and charged with committing a perverted sex act in a company-owned Mercedes” in August, 1996. It happened “in an undercover sting at Read and St. Paul streets, a downtown corner frequented by prostitutes.” Smith and Mary DiPaulo “were charged with committing unnatural and perverted sex act.” Police said “they witnessed the two engage in oral sex while Smith drove north” on Baltimore’s Jones Falls Expressway. Neither Sinclair nor its local flagship station WBFF-45 would comment.

People in the media have lost jobs over less. It looks like Smith used his power and influence to keep most of the media quiet. How do you think Sinclair would have handled another company’s executive in a similar situation?

Jones concluded sarcastically, “But I’m sure that has nothing to do with his thoughts on how print does their job.”

Personally, I’d call his role in programming over the public airwaves into question.

Last year, you saw Last Week Tonight With John Oliver go off on the problems with Sinclair and how it shouldn’t be allowed to buy Tribune. You can watch it again here.

Now, HBO’s Oliver is at it again. (Parental warning about language!)

So Sinclair Senior Vice President of News Scott Livingston sent a memo to staff:

“There is a lot of noise out there about our company right now, and what is lacking in that analysis is something we constantly preach; context and perspective. The critics are now upset about our well-researched journalistic initiative focused on fair and objective reporting. … We are focused on fact-based reporting. That’s our commitment to our communities. That’s the goal of these announcements: to reiterate our commitment to reporting facts in a pursuit of truth. A new Monmouth University Poll out today says Americans are concerned, in fact, 77 percent of the respondents believe “fake news” is reported at least occasionally in mainstream media. https://www.monmouth.edu/polling-institute/reports/monmouthpoll_us_040218/. This is a concern that is shared by Democrats, Republicans and Independents. This poll underscores the importance of our journalistic responsibility effort. We hold ourselves to the highest standards of accuracy and fact checking.”

FTV’s Scott Jones has the rest of Livingston’s dribble here. I will say Livingston has a point about former Democratic political operative and advisor George Stephanopoulos anchoring on ABC, and NBC’s Chris Matthews’ past serving on the staffs of four Democratic members of Congress, as a presidential speechwriter during the Carter administration, and spending six years as Chief of Staff to longtime House Speaker Tip O’Neill (although he has said, “I’m more conservative than people think I am. … I voted for George W. in 2000.”).

I’m not a fan of anybody going from politics to impartial news anchoring (Stephanopoulos), although an analyst position is OK when the analysis is necessary to put the news into perspective.

Jones proves critics like him absolutely do “original journalism” (Livingston’s term) with a list of his own exclusives about the not-so-clean company here.

Considering Sinclair’s power and how much more it wants to buy, we’ll see how much longer local news organizations remain the most trusted source of information in Pew Research Center’s polling on trust in media.

I doubt legendary KYW-TV anchor Vince Leonard of Philadelphia, who recently died, would’ve put his reputation on the line, reading what Sinclair is telling its anchors to do. He left town in 1980, but I’ve heard wonderful things from people who worked with him and are still working there today.

The Cincinnati Enquirer asked Nick Clooney, who used to anchor at WKRC in the Queen City, and he said, “I have no idea what these folks are doing for a living, but it isn’t news.”

He added the concept of a scripted editorial not identified as scripted wouldn’t have happened in the 1970s or 1980s when he anchored at that station, now owned by Sinclair. He said sure, station owners would give editorials, but they’d give the editorials themselves, not tell anchors to read it for them.

https://twitter.com/DanRather/status/980896310441140224

How many of you have ever quit a decent-paying job over ethics? Care to share?

On a similar note are people at Philadelphia’s Fox TV station bragging about what a wonderful job they did, so high on themselves for working so hard covering snow, just like journalists were all over the region.

But where were they when the bigger storm hit on March 21? Too scared to be live on-air like the competition? (I did comment to that above post, asking where they were during the bigger snowstorm, but that got taken down. How dare someone question their collective news judgment? I don’t know if the poster was asked to take it down, or did so on his own. I know it was up for at least a few days and nobody can deny the truth simply by deleting it.)

I don’t know about “the best content in Philly” since I wasn’t watching four TVs at once. In fact, I was working and hardly watched anything but I’m sure every station had its exclusive, great, memorable reporting moments.

However, if I had my choice, would I want to work at the station that does news “at likely half the staff & budget of competitors” or a station that wants to win, and pulls out all stops to do so?

The fact is, there are some very good people there who are smart, experienced and connected, and out-report others. Too bad they’re hardly seen – a “distant fourth” and repeat it again like the newspaper did, compared to stations 1, 2 and 3 – because the bosses only pay for “likely half the staff & budget of competitors.”

https://twitter.com/feedbaylenny/status/971421597247688704

I’ve always striven to be the best and encourage others. How the people in charge can be happy with their competitive performance and keep their jobs while not doing the best for the people of the region is a shame – but as I’ve said time and time again, it’s profits before people. Oh, and an office twice the size it had been when I started there!

Meanwhile, I hope they have to strain tomorrow to cover both the Villanova championship parade and Phillies home opener. They better hope no other news happens with “likely half the staff.”

I think I’m going to use those insider lines regularly!

And since I like to end on a good note, The TV Answer Man,Phillip Swann, reports the newly-sold Weather Channel has expanded its live coverage by up to 10 minutes an hour! That means less recorded reality programming.

The article says, “It’s unknown if the new owner influenced the change in programming strategy.”

“Many of you have told us that you want to see more of our trusted weather coverage and we’ve taken note,” viewers who subscribe to its newsletter read, Sunday. “Starting tomorrow (April 3), we will be extending our live coverage by up to 10 minutes per hour, giving you a chance to dig even deeper into the weather affecting you each day.”

That means collapsing “our Local On the 8s so that they run during our live segments. Where you use to see our traditional Local On the 8s segments, you will see the same weather information displayed on the right side and/or bottom of the screen.”

They had always run during breaks from the channel’s live coverage.

The move comes just two weeks after comedian and entrepreneur Byron Allen acquired The Weather Channel from Comcast, Blackstone Group and Bain Capital for approximately $300 million, according to Bloomberg News.

Just hope none of the meteorologists visit your town for work-related purposes!

Philadelphia is expecting snow on Saturday.

My urge: Follow your conscience, despite the cost Listen to this. Ever heard anything so absurd? It’s not “Follow the Leader” because there is no leader.