#Often into forms he would not recognize and probably dislike

[meanbossart]

Silly question inspired by your latest art (hot btw) - what would astarion's hear me out cake look like? I'd ask for du drow too but you kinda established that his type is conventionally attractive blonde people so idk if he should have a say in this

Shockingly I think Astarion may be far less superficial than DU drow. He has some commentary that leads me to believe the man has his preferences (seems to dislike gnomes*, isn't willing to remain in a relationship with a mindflayer, and has one or two lines favoring drow) but otherwise I think he means it when he says he doesn't care what you look like. My assumption is that Astarion has become quite numbed out by the concept of beauty - he recognizes it, he may even be drawn by it, but it ultimately doesn't play too much of a part in who he partners with. I would wager that his refusal to be with a Mindflayer is due to the inevitable personality and lifestyle change, as well as leftover revulsion after everything that the party has gone through during the campaign.

*I know that you can romance Astarion even as a gnome, and thank god you can. I'm glad people can have full control over the narrative and create interesting stories between their MCs and romanced character of choice, but in my personal "canon" I think Astarion is too much of an asshole to believe that a Gnome would be capable of helping him.

I do think he's attracted to power, regardless of which ending he gets or whatever shape the power is taking. Astarion recognizes that DU drow is an attractive man (weird key features aside) , but he is especially drawn to his physique, confidence, and resilience. DU drow's arrogance gets him hot under the collar as often as it irritates him - well, probably more often than it irritates him.

Regarding the Slayer form, obviously that's a pretty specific circumstance. Canon DU drow never gets it, but I know that when your Tav does, Astarion is kind of lukewarm about it and slightly encouraging of your pursuit. I think that in the scenario where DU drow does acquire it (in his Bhaalist AU) Astarion would, at least for a time, be as nervous as he would be enamored around it. It's an extraordinary example of his partner's power as a demi-god, but it's one he doesn't feel FULLY in control of. Sometimes that's exciting. Sometimes that's scary. In due time, it probably loses its luster much like everything else in that scenario.

...Sorry, I didn't engage much with the actual "hear me out" cake concept. I think Astarion could really get down with a half-orc. Definitely caught some eyefulls of Grodderick on the side here and there during ANE. Probably doesn't mind a well-built and shiny Dragonborn either but who doesn't.

[daistea]

I started writing an imagine request but got distracted and produced This Thing. I’ve been wanting to write out my thoughts and my analysis on Mithrun’s state of mind for a while, actually

tw suicide, depression, discussions of mental health and self worth

Dungeon Meshi Spoilers ahead ‼️❗️

Sooo despite a lack of desires, Mithrun lives by habit.

These habits aren’t driven by preference, likes or dislikes. They’re still culturally acceptable though, mainly because Milsiril and his brother were the ones that instilled these habits in him(Mithrun doesn’t care what’s acceptable if it has nothing to do with the demon.) And there are still a few quirks leftover from his old self, things he never had a stark desire or choice to do but still did simply because he was used to them. Even after 40 years, the ins and outs of what the demon did to him remain still so complex.

Mithrun doesn’t really care about the details all that much. I like to think that outside of the dungeon, he has a regular bathroom schedule. He bathes every day when possible. He brushes his teeth for exactly two minutes, twice a day. It isn’t that he desires to not stink, it’s that he has to do these to keep his team willing to be around him so he’d have a better chance at finding the demon again and finishing the job.

In my headcanon, there are a few small habits he hasn’t quite picked up yet. He often doesn’t bother to brush his hair— the thought doesn’t even enter his mind. It gets stringy, something his old self never would’ve allowed. Its only when he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror— a very rare occurrence, since mirrors remind him of the demon and the demon makes him want to shatter things— that he realizes that he should probably brush it for the sake of functionality.

Taking care of his skin is yet another habit he’d never really formed. Elves have naturally perfect skin anyway, so there’s no use. But they could still be scarred, and marred, and reflect physical neglect. Like with dark eye bags, a lack of sunlight, and dehydration.

Mithrun is incredibly dehydrated.

He doesn’t realize that, of course. While his body would feel the neglect, it doesn’t send those signals to his brain. With things like peeing, he only realizes that he needs to go to the bathroom because he recognizes the physical feeling, not because his brain says ‘got to pee now.’

With hunger, he feels pangs, but those pangs dont translate into appetite or a desire to eat. He only eats because it would keep him alive long enough to encounter the demon again.

Dehydration is also slightly physical, in that his throat will sometimes feel dry or his lips will chap, but he has not a single thought of ‘I’m craving water,’ Plus, what does that have to do with defeating the demon? Applying burts bees watermelon flavored lip balm ain’t getting him nowhere.

Everything goes back to the demon. Every move he makes is either because it’s a necessity of staying alive(to kill the demon) or because it’s part of the intricate web that will eventually lead him to the demon.

Mithrun gets hurt, he feels the physical pain, but his only desire is to patch it up quickly and keep moving to get to the demon. Healing himself for the sake of relief doesn't matter. Demon comes first. The demon is everything. It’s in the air he breathes, it’s in his bloodstream.

He doesn’t realize that he’s still Mithrun. He doesn’t consider himself as Mithrun anymore, that’s just his name. He lives for revenge(so he says) He Is An Instrument, a weapon that exists and is only maintained for the sole purpose of Revenge

A common misconception is that he has no emotion. Not true, he just doesn’t desire to fake a smile or joy or laughter for the sake of making someone feel comfortable. He can still smile quite naturally when he’s, ya know, getting closer to the goddamn demon. He can still be surprised and feel adrenaline and be angry at the things that happen in life. He can still get irritated or annoyed at his companions. He still has opinions, thoughts, feelings. He’s himself.

Idk. It’s incomprehensible almost, not having desires. It brings up so many variables. It’s not something you can be very literal or cut-and-dry about. My most effective way of connecting with his character is applying my experience with depression and the lack of desire I feel for doing certain things, and how I only do them for the sake of my family and friends. I think that’s considered relatively functioning. And I think honestly Mithrun would be considered high-functioning. But it’s not that he wants to do those things, he does them because he’s supposed to, because it all leads back to the stupid bitch face demon.

Mithrun tells himself he wants it dead. That’s his desire. But he knows if he ever succeeded in getting rid of it, he would have nothing. He’s okay with that. He’s going to die anyway, no matter if it’s by passively wasting away or by the mouth of the lion. He’s prepared for death, it’s inevitable. He’s not scared.

But once he decides to live again, he still functions mainly by habit. Except he starts to apply himself a little more.

“I’m going to wash myself today because my companions would appreciate that” and not “I need to stay clean to keep the team around to lead me to the demon”

And “I’m going to make noodles today to keep me busy.”

“I’m going to get a dog so I’ll have an obligation to go outside every day to walk it, because it’s good for me to do that.”

They’re still conscious choices, and sometimes he falters, he doesn’t register that he should do something. But he’s chosen to live and he’s trying to function not for the sake of his one goal, but for the sake of the gift that is existence.

He’ll learn to love, to have genuine friendships. On good days, he’ll appreciate a warm meal, the feeling of relief when drinking water, the soft touch of someone close to him. And he’ll experience these things because that’s what living people do. They’re nice things. He doesn’t do things anymore simply because they’ll take him closer to the demon.

It’s freeing, in a way. It’s scary, in another way. Imagine you’ve lost your one purpose in life, the one thing that keeps you on your feet, how would you react? Terrifying.

Mithrun is incredibly brave and strong for making the choice to find a new purpose, to exist, to eat.

[senselessviolets]

random will graham headcanons (childhood, teen years, college, etc.)

Rating T

WARNINGS:

Mentions of murder (canon typical), homicidal ideation, child abuse, alcoholism.

Author’s Notes:

Title says it all. Just some headcanons based off of the show, bits of Red Dragon and my own personal intuition because I'm THAT good. /s

He doesn’t know why his mom left because his dad refuses to tell him and would get furious anytime he brought it up as a child. 

He experienced corporal punishment from his dad but if asked, wouldn’t consider it to be abuse—no matter how emotionally traumatic it was for him. 

His dad George was a survey technician in the US Army Corps of Engineers. His mother Adaline had worked as a pharmacist before Will was born. 

He was never allowed pets growing up, hence why he now owns so many dogs.

With his undiagnosed ASD and constant moving around for his dad’s job, Will struggled to form any long-lasting, meaningful relationships in his youth.

His dad would occasionally write letters to Will and send him various gifts (Bourbon, aftershave, new lures) around the time of his birthday or the holidays. He stopped after Will was imprisoned and hasn’t written to him since. 

Will tried to approach girls he had crushes on when he was a teen but they were always dismissive of him or thought he was weird.

He lost his virginity in a clumsy drunken one-night stand in his sophomore year of college. She was his roommate’s ex and there was some drama over it.  

Will has experienced lots of frustration with the women in his romantic life who in his mind toyed with his feelings and strung him along. He was always so willing to commit himself to the right girl and even imagined himself as the kind to settle down and get married young but the opportunity never arose.  

Throughout his teenage years, he imagined often how he would kill his dad and was convinced he could get away with it.

Will dated a Law student in his junior and senior year of college and they had been going steady until after they’d slept with each other one night and Will had a hyperrealistic dream in which he strangled her in her sleep, dismembered her, and scattered her all around campus. This dream disturbed Will so deeply that he broke things off with the girl right after, providing little explanation as to why.

Will’s want to become a father and to protect and nurture his “strays” (Abigail Hobbs, Georgia Madchen, Peter Bernadone, his actual fucking dogs) is very much ego-driven. It’s not as genuine or wholesome as he might want you to think or how he even perceives it to be.

Will was pretty widely disliked at the police department he was a detective for as well as the FBI Academy.

His alcoholism developed as a way to numb his overstimulated senses and to cancel out the intrusive thoughts he has. As time has gone on, his reliance on liquor has only grown; a habit he picked up from his father.

Will is a notoriously harsh grader and is quick to shut down any dissenting opinions about his “style of teaching”.

He’s definitely had inappropriate thoughts/fantasies about a few of his students, ranging from shallow sexual attraction to full-blown abduction. 

He doesn’t own a television or a computer and begrudgingly owns a smartphone for his job. 

The majority of his interests and likes/dislikes are ones he got from his dad. His dad loved to fish. His dad’s favorite singer was Johnny Cash. His dad liked the color green. Will probably feels as if these are what he should like and if you actually asked him how he felt about ____ or if he really liked XYZ; he wouldn’t know how to answer. 

A huge part of the reason he loves dogs is that they do not know they are ‘kept’. As opposed to a human being who could recognize if they were taken from everything they know or forced to live the life of another; dogs don’t think that way and above all, they are undyingly loyal. 

^^ And yes, this is my way of saying I subscribe to the popular headcanon that Will has stolen some of his dogs.

Morally grey sweaty dog man.

I hate him.

Follow me on twt: @endlessviolets

<3

[radioapplerevue]

Hello!!! I was wondering if u had any radioapple headcanons? :)

Hello! I am... very sorry it took this long for me to reply. I saw the ask at work and then closed it to answer later, but once it was closed and out of my view then in my brain's opinion, it promptly ceased to exist.

Anyway my headcanons are a bit malleable depending on the situation/how they got together/the environment they're in/etc. But I'll try and jot down a few.

Alastor picks Lucifer up a lot. I mean look at him, he's tiny. Sometimes Alastor will have conversations with people with Lucifer slung over his shoulders, hanging from the crook of his elbow, or in the occasional princess carry. Alastor enjoys this because he thinks it's embarrassing for Lucifer. Lucifer enjoys this because he gets to be carried (even if he acts like it's embarrassing so Alastor will keep doing it).

Their coming together was slow, and started by them just learning to be in the same room without going for the throat. Eventually it turned into them talking, and then their chairs getting closer, and then Lucifer showing interest in one of Alastor's hobbies -- probably music. Because they are both overenthusiastic weirdos about their personal interests, and while Alastor doesn't share some of Lucifer's (the ducks, the circus, all things fruity and sweet, etc), Lucifer shares quite a few of Alastor's (music, dancing, cooking, disliking television, well tailored clothes, etc).

One of their favorite things to do is just hole up in a room in their respective spots and read. Their tastes in fiction don't always align, but they learn enough about the other's tastes that they can recognize what they might like when they come across it. Lucifer starts bringing Alastor books as gifts, and eventually Alastor starts to reciprocate, but only by leaving books in places that Lucifer is likely to run across them. If Lucifer tries to thank him, he'll disavow all knowledge.

Lucifer enjoys listening to Alastor's radio show.

Alastor enjoys listening to Lucifer sing.

Lucifer, as an angel, existed long before sex and gender were even things. Thus, he doesn't have any particular attachment to either. He's been in one form for ten thousand years because it's the one that Lilith (and later Charlie) knew, but he's fine with shifting it around as he pleases. Regarding sex, Lucifer enjoys it, but doesn't need it. If his partner isn't into it, then neither is he. What he desires isn't sex, but intimacy. He wants to be wanted, in whatever form that takes.

It takes a while before Alastor trusts Lucifer enough to even begin to allow any sort of sexual activities, but he quickly relaxes once it's proven that Lucifer will not only not force anything onto him, but will not expect anything of him, either. Lucifer will be just as happy if the night ends in a cuddle, or even just lying side by side and talking if Alastor's not up for that.

When they do start having sex, though they will play around with different dynamics as it suits them, Alastor tends to prefer letting Lucifer take the lead. Since his interest in sex is most often not the sex and more about being close to Lucifer and enjoying being the source of his pleasure, he doesn't feel any particular inclination to be the one making decisions. Plus, this way Lucifer has to do all the work, and Alastor's the center of attention the entire time. Why would he pass up on that?

Alastor doesn't feel like he's lacking any control when Lucifer leads in bed. There's a heady sort of power that comes from the knowledge that no matter what they're doing, no matter how close Lucifer is to climax, all it takes is one word or one unhappy noise from Alastor and Lucifer will stop completely. And if Alastor says so, then that's it for the night. He's tested it, in the early days when he was still skeptical, and Lucifer never complains, never pushes. (There's safety in this as well as power, but Alastor tries to think about that less.)

Lucifer, for his part, understands how much trust Alastor is showing in him by allowing himself to be that vulnerable. This makes him feel touched, honored, possessive and honestly, very protective. (Angel Dust has learned the hard way by now not to ask for details about how Alastor is in bed -- and it wasn't from Alastor. Lucifer will protect Alastor's vulnerabilities with his life).

I'm thrilled that fandom has run with the "Alastor's shadow is affectionate with Lucifer" idea, because it's one of my favorites. I also believe that his shadow is an extension of his own feelings, particularly the ones he hides behind his buttoned up exterior -- so when things start to get friendlier with Lucifer, the shadow shows Alastor's growing interest before Alastor himself does. And when they do get farther along... well. Good luck reining that thing in. (SHADOW RIGHTS)

When Charlie first found out, she thought it was a prank on their part in order to get them out of bonding exercises.

That's some of them! Hope that'll do!

[jeffrrandell]

So how do you think mark came to dislike blonzie so strongly? (Sorry if this has been asked before 😔)

Here's my idea for this, a short (but actually very very long) explanation of their dynamic.

I think that as kids, Blonzie was always a troublemaker on his own. Very shy and felt different from everyone around him, but that's what made him believe doing crazy shit would get him attention and love. Mark was the opposite of that. He was wanted to stay out of everyone's way, and did as he was told always. Blonzie was never a bully to anybody, but Mark being the younger sibling, he'd push him around a bit.

Mark was very gullible (as most kids are anyway!), and Blonzie would often use that against him. He'd play a little rough and tease him. But (and this is coming from someone with 2 brothers, and an older brother myself) it is all out of love. With certain sibling dynamics, it's hard to say "I love you" and especially with an age gap, they are very different people in general.

With Blonzie being shy on the inside too, even around family he kept a lot to himself. Both their parents were very loving, and loved both of them dearly. But Blonzie somehow thought they still loved Mark more. It was definitely not that they loved Mark more, but Blonzie was just a little jealous of him. Him being the youngest (therefore more "spoiled") and didn't get into as much trouble as he did. Which is on him, really. But when he didn't listen to his parents he'd often try not to do it around them because he loves his family, truly he does, and feels guilty as an adult nowadays.

Their parents, despite Blonzie being closed off, knew everything anyway. Because they are his parents. Unless he was going to get severely hurt, they let him do as he pleased. And they knew about all his interests and such. But he couldn't recognize that as a kid. They also realized the gap between his and Marks relationship form.

Even if Mark can't remember these moments, and even during Blonzie "teasing him", Blonzie was always a caring older brother. He remembers all of his preferences, and would protect him from anything that scared him. He'd shoo off rabbits from the yard, bugs, would sometimes tidy up after him when he was even smaller. And probably even ACTUAL bullies in school. Always always he loved his brother like that.

As Mark got older, Blonzie felt he could up his game in picking on him because he was more mature. He'd just like to get on Marks nerves and do as he pleased, like taking his things and spending as much time on things they take turns on. Call him names that were of course harmless but still. BASICALLY, he was not a bully. Just very very annoying and nuisance.

As they grew up, Blonzies jealousy kinda stayed. He saw Mark, who was also shy, bloom into confidence and get an actual friend group, go to college. Blonzie likes crowds around him and people cheering on his stunts, but none of those people that like him like that would he consider people he could hang out with regularly. Mark achieved things that Blonzie felt he couldn't.

Nothing feels worse than feeling JEALOUS of your YOUNGER BROTHER. Its a double edged sword. On one side, he's jealous and wishes he could almost be like him. On another, he's proud of his little bro. No matter what side has the most power, he wants to be in his life again.

Blonzie has a hard time saying "I love you" as much as he has a hard time with saying "sorry" and also has a bad memory. So he attempts to get back into Marks life. As I've said, in general, Mark and Blonzie are very different people. Blonzie does crazy stunts, stupid shit, some people love him some hate him. And Mark just doesn't want anything to do with it, even if he worries too.

But Blonzie trying to get back into his life felt out of nowhere. In Marks head it was like "Why are you pretending you weren't a jerk to me all those years?" Because he really does just try to "put it all behind them" and stuff. And yeah, a lot of his visits are just him being annoying on purpose. But he wants Mark to see that that is how he shows his love. He'll never straight up confess it, but he gets happy seeing his brother in magazines. He's happy he found someone to love. He loves his brother. And he can say that to Mark, but now, Mark is the one who finds it hard to say it back. It's almost as if Blonzie "boy who cried wolf'd" himself. It's hard to believe anything Blonzie says because of how much he'd make up and tell Mark. It's hard to take him seriously when everything was a joke to him back then.

And yes, with all of that, Mark loves Blonzie as much as Blonzie loves Mark. He doesn't approve of his stunting, but worries he doesn't have a "real" job. (He does, but Mark doesn't take the time to listen to him.) He worries that he struggles on a daily basis. All that's pushed aside when he remembers he's a grown man, and can always go to their parents if he's struggling that bad.

Their parents are aware of their strained relationship. They don't try to fix it, and they're not mad but a little bit sad if anything. They wish they could get along, but it seems they never really did. Once again they love both of them. Mark and Blonzie both talk to their parents on the phone a lot, and a lot of the time THAT is how they get updates on each other's lives. They will tell each other about what they saids been going on. Mark will usually roll his eyes, still listen, but just be a bit meh about it. Blonzies ears perk up and gets excited to hear about his brother. The one who's less willing to open up nowadays than he is.

This isn't an impossible fix, Mark just needs to be less uptight. Blonzie a little bit more serious. They both have reasons to be sorry to each other. And some days it is hard, because that brotherly love will always be strong in their hearts. It just has to finally grow again, and blossom into a healthier and more understanding relationship. Their biggest issue as they grew up was that they couldn't understand each other. And Marks problem is that he doesn't want to understand Blonzie. Blonzie knows a lot more about Mark than he thinks he does, because he's observant despite being a bit rough with memory.

Blonzie will always be the "annoying" older brother, but it has to take Mark to be a bit more loose and willing to joke around too.

And that's. Yup. Yup 👍😊

[natasha-in-space]

Can I request you RFA and Saeran ( minus Jaehee) with a male MC. The boys are just shocked they are attracted to someone same gender as them. Does Jumin Han is gay? Jumin would confirm that this is true. Male MC is literally so adorable and cute, kind and compassionate, also has some feminine trait

I do want to preface this by pointing out that this is very headcanon-territory overall! I don't think I talked much on this blog about my personal headcanons for MM gang's sexualities so far. Not directly, anyway. That is to say, they will love you regardless of your gender! All MC's are loved and cherished by the RFA, don't forget that <3

Yoosung

Now, Yoosung definitely had crushes before, but they never really went anywhere. By the time he meets you, he probably has little or no real-life experience with romantic relationships. I don't think he is very well versed in his own sexual or romantic preference... at all. He was simply too focused on studying for the majority of his school years, and once Rika has passed, the yearnings for a romantic relationships were just another form of his deep longing for human connection. So, it goes without saying that a male MC wouldn't have much impact. These feelings are still new and undiscovered for him, whether you are male, female, trans, nonbinary, etc. By the time he realizes that he is falling for you, your gender is the last thing on his mind. The thing that will come up is coming out to his family. This post focuses solely on exploring that aspect for Yoosung!

Zen

So, Zen canonically has quite a bit of relationship experience under his belt. He is aware of his likings and dislikes. I do headcanon him as questioning his sexuality, but still presenting himself as straight. A part of him just never really felt that inner push to try and pursue anything with a man. Not fully. But he definitely considers it sometimes, and he finds himself feeling attracted to non-female presenting individuals. He's kind of confused in that sense, often writing it off on him finding someone aesthetically attractive is all. I have a feeling that there were some men approaching him romantically or sexually, though. He works in a creative field, and creative spaces are often, if not always, full of queer people. So, for him, it'll be more of a confirmation than anything else. He finds you attractive, both inside and out, and that's a feeling he recognizes well enough. He'll be way more awkward with flirting, though. He knows how to charm a lady, but he's clueless if he should do anything specific for a man. You'll have to give him a push there.

Jumin

Jumin is not that interested in learning about his romantic or sexual preferences. Although he appears somewhat clueless, he really just... doesn't care much. In a way, he always knew that he is capable of attraction to more than one gender, he just never had a word for it, nor did he care enough to learn. I personally headcanon him on the ace spectrum, so that plays into his indifference towards his love life. Of course, that's not to overlook the role his unfortunate upbringing played in shaping his views on romantic relationships. He would definitely be way more involved if his family didn't raise him the way they did. (But we're not touching that huge can of worms right now) I don't think he will care much about labels, not until you or someone else brings it up to him. He just knows that he loves you, and that's that. He doesn't understand nor appreciate anyone questioning him or meddling into his personal affairs. His family included. So, I don't think he will be all that shocked, nor will he struggle. Most of his intimacy issues stem from his upbringing, not much else.

Saeyoung

It's pretty much a common knowledge that Saeyoung is very blatantly not straight. He doesn't try very hard to conceal it, nor does he care to. I actually view him as the most flirty one of the group, so he has his fair share of fleeting flirty connections with many people of all gender identities. None of it was anything meaningful nor serious, though. He's the sort of guy who flirts with everyone in the room, but will quickly fumble and leave if someone reciprocates his advances. Saeyoung's issue is not so much about his sexuality as it is about his unique situation regarding his job and identity.

Saeran

Saeran... doesn't know much, if anything, about sexuality. His knowledge is very limited to what little he reads in books and Rika's words. In other words, I don't believe Rika would instruct him that feeling something for another man is wrong or incorrect. I think it's pretty clear that she is not the type of person to do that or believe in that. (That's not mentioning that she is very not straight herself but I digress) I do think Ray would talk about it with her, though. Although she trusted him to select a tester on his own, I'm certain that she still overlooked some aspects of the process. And we do know that Rika doesn't really mind his attraction towards you. It's only when that attraction grows into something more substantial that challenges his loyalty to her does it become an issue in her eyes. That is to say, Ray wouldn't care if you are a man. He finds you as lovely as can be. Just be prepared to be called a prince. And Ray will probably want to be your knight. He can't think of a role more fitting than one that will make him serve you and protect you like you deserve.

[lonesome-witching]

Do You Like Me?

Another day another prompt. I got an anonymous request to write a prompt in which Nancy reports on a football game and rides with the band on their bus. It also includes a tad bit of jealous Nancy. Enjoy!!

Do you have any prompts yourself? Or do you want to dive into what I wrote before? You can read my previous prompts or send me some new ones.

Nancy loved the newspaper. She loved writing the articles and doing the research. It felt like a place she belonged. It felt like she finally found something she liked. There was just one part she disliked. Perhaps even hated. It was reporting on the Hawkins High sport games. The basketball and football and soccer.

She usually delegated the task to someone else, until today. She couldn’t get out of this one. Not when Hawkins High was so close to not only being the basketball state champions, but also the football state champions. Something like this had never happened before in a small town like Hawkins. So, Nancy had to report on it.

Jonathan Byers had been dragged along to take some pictures. They had known each other their whole lives but had only recently become friends while working on the paper together.

“Where are we supposed to go? There are two busses,” Nancy asked, already frustrated.

“We usually ride with the band, I honestly think it’s better that way,” Jonathan replied, toying with the camera that was already hanging around his neck.

“Which bus is theirs?”

Jonathan looked up, his eyes searching for the green marching band uniforms. “That one.” He pointed at the bus furthest from them where a group of girls stood talking with their hats in one hand and their instruments in the other.

Nancy recognized some of them. A girl named Kate who gossiped a bit too often, the red head was named Veronica or Victoria or something like that, and Robin Buckley. Nancy knew Robin. They had sort of become friends over spring break. Maybe not just sort of. They were friends, officially. Nancy could feel the smile forming on her face. She hadn’t told Robin she’d be here. It could be a pleasant surprise.

“C’mon, wouldn’t want them to leave without us.” Jonathan started walking towards the bus. Nancy cleared her throat and followed.

By the time she reached them Robin had already gotten onto the bus. Nancy pulled herself onto the vehicle. She tried to find Robin, hoping to see an empty spot next to her. She was disappointed when she saw that the red head had taken a seat next to her. With a sigh she fell down next to Jonathan.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes, of course.” Nancy turned in her seat to look at Robin. What she hadn’t expected was for Robin to look over at that exact moment. She wanted to look away, but she couldn’t. Instead, she simply waited for their eyes to meet.

Robin raised her hand, waving excitedly. “Nance, hi!”

Nancy waved back with a small smile on her lips. This was getting ridiculous. It was one thing to be glad to have a new friend, a real friend, it was a whole other thing to stare at her from afar with a smile on her face. She had to get herself in check.

Her notepad was probably her best solace. She doodled a bit on one of the pages. Drawing figures that looked oddly similar to hearts. What would be next? Would she be writing Nancy + Robin into the shapes? Or would she be writing Nancy Buckley all over it? She thought Robin Wheeler sounded better anyway.

She turned around again. Robin seemed entertained by her neighbor’s conversation. She should be glad that Robin had friends. The girl seemed nice enough. Yet, Nancy couldn’t shake the burning feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was foreign and unpleasant. The red head grabbed Robin’s hand, seemingly toying with her fingers as she smiled up at her through her lashes.

Something within her snapped. Nancy jumped up from her seat, stepping over to Robin’s seat.

“Hi, Robin. How are you doing?” Nancy asked, her voice sugar sweet.

“I’m alright, how are you?” Robin’s eyes looked up at her with those lovely blue eyes.

“I’m good, I’m good. So happy to see you.” Nancy turned toward the red head. “Is it alright if I sit here? I just really would love to catch up with my friend.”

The girl’s eyes searched for something when she gazed at Robin, but whatever it was she didn’t find it. The red head sighed and stood up. “Sure,” she muttered.

Nancy fell down next to Robin. Her hand itched to reach for her friend’s, the one the red head had been holding earlier.

“What was that for?” Robin asked, but when Nancy looked over there was a smile on her face.

“What was what for? I just wanted to sit next to my friend. We are still friends, right?” Nancy’s hand reached for Robin regardless of what her mind was warning her for.

“Of course, we are, Nance. I’m just wondering why you scared Vickie away.”

“I didn’t scare her away.” The look on Robin’s face made it obvious she wasn’t taking that as an answer. “Fine, I might have scared her away. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just wanted to sit next to you, and I was annoyed she had taken my seat. But to be fair, she got you for about half of the ride. I’m taking you for the other half.”

“Taking me?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Do I?” Robin’s eyes fell to their entangled hands resting in her lap. Her thumb stroked Nancy’s knuckles. It felt nice.

“I think you do, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure I do.”

“Oh,” Nancy sighed. She wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t sure she knew why she did it anyway. She couldn’t explain herself to Robin.

“Your hands are cold.”

“I’m sorry.” Nancy wanted to pull her hand back, but Robin wouldn’t let her, holding on to her hand.

“No, it’s alright. I don’t mind.”

“Do you like her?”

“I used to.” Robin placed her free hand over Nancy’s. Slowly warming up her fingers.

“Do you like me?”

Robin tensed up, stilling her movements. Nancy thought that was a yes. She hoped it was. The bus stopped. The doors opened. Robin let go of her hand.

[theeccentricraven]

Writer's Questionnaire

Thank you @poethill for the tag! I'm glad I finally found a window of time to get down to this.

About Me

When did you start writing?

When I was six years old, I wrote my first stories. My first story was called "Puppy's Birthday". It was about a puppy named Puppy.

Are the general themes you read similar to the ones you write? 

Good question. The books I read often deal with similar themes that I like to dive into, especially Dystopian fiction. The themes I write are inspired more by my personal experiences in life and philosophies I’ve formed. I like to deal with themes that other writers might have not considered before. 

Is there an author you’d like to emulate or be compared to? 

I hope to be like Brandon Sanderson, a writer with exquisite writing skills who produces highly entertaining stories.

Can you tell us about your writing space? 

Wherever I can bring and set my laptop.

How do you motivate yourself to write?

Thinking about the prize at the end - a published book that says, “Created by a good writer.”

Does your childhood influence the characters and places you write?

Yes, a lot. Many of my stories, like Columbus Day and The Star House Club, take place in my home state of Oregon. The fantasy world of The Keeper of Maralla is largely based on Oregon. My characters in The Star House Club were based on characters I created when I was a kid. Some characters are based on friends and enemies alike. 

Are there any recurring themes in your writing?

Self-esteem. The fight for liberty and opposing oppression. The exploitation of children. Humility in recognizing we are not as advanced or erudite as we think we are. The quest for redemption. Finding faith when surrounded by secularism. The disgust I have for hatred toward both sexes, misandry and misogyny alike. These themes matter a lot to me on a personal level based on my life experiences.    

My Characters

Who is your favorite character and why?

Hard to choose. Probably Jorem because he is so book smart, handsome, and rebellious. I could also say the same about Justin who is street smart, handsome, and rebellious. 

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life? 

Probably Maralla because she is the ideal comfort character.

Which of your characters would you most dislike irl?

Most of my villains, especially President Fidel who is a master gas lighter and manipulator. 

What is your process with creating characters? 

I come up with characters in the same way that I come up with story ideas in general. When I get an idea, it starts with “What if…” or “How about…” I often think of the MC who is the driving force of the idea. The Blood Cleaners resulted from my thinking, “What if there was an occupation for people who had the sole responsibility to clean up blood?” I quickly imagined the MC who made this story possible - Justin, a street cleaner who wants to be a blood cleaner more than anything. Columbus Day resulted from me wanting to write a first contact story where Avatar meets Pocahontas on earth. I immediately thought of my two protagonists - the human girl and the alien whose friendship would be the center of the story. Sanctuary Calling resulted from my wondering, “What if the human race abandoned earth but left behind primitive societies like some Native American, African, and Middle Eastern tribes, as well as the Amish?” I quickly thought up the MC who would be a girl that made the dangerous trip back to earth and would meet someone from one of the societies left on earth - an Amish boy.

Much as I like my characters, I confess I’m still struggling with flat character development. I’m still learning. My current strategy is to make profiles using Gail Carson Levine’s character dossier sheet that she provided in “Writing Magic”. I then cherry pick from various character sheets I find from various resources. I don’t make full profiles for all characters. I try to think of how a character would react to a situation and what they would say that defines their personality. I love to use the Tumblr writing prompts where characters rephrase a line in their own way. This is just all part of the preparation phase. I’m drafting, I often end up pansting or discovery writing a lot of my characters.

Do you have recurring themes/traits in your characters? 

Again, I struggle too much with flat character development. I often have characters who are shy and insecure, which describes me. I try as much as possible to have characters be different from me. I also have to be careful of Mary Sues as many of my characters are smarter than me, but I know I shouldn’t go overboard. 

How do you picture them? 

I used various pics I found on the web. Origins are linked in the photos.

Justin

Joselyn

Clarice

Jorem

Maralla

Juva

Julie

Nari

Abe

My Writing

What is your reason for writing?

Throughout my life, I’ve come up with thousands of ideas that can’t leave my head. I have to get them on paper where I can mold them and craft them to a shape readers will enjoy. 

Is there a specific type of comment that you find motivating coming from your readers? 

I haven’t shared much of my work, but it’s motivated me when I share snippets that make fellow Writeblrs curious. It makes me want to finish my book and send it to beta readers as well as publish it so that the curiosity will be satisfied.  

How do you want to be thought of by those that read your work? 

I want them to love my characters and consider my writing to be good. I don’t feel I’m at that level yet, but am working hard to earn the compliment, “I love the characters! The writing is superb!”

What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Coming up with imaginative stories and settings. I go into extensive brainstorming that mixes ideas in a soup to form a fascinating story.

What have you been told is your greatest strength?

Much as I lack confidence in my character development skills, I have been well complimented when I have my characters say something proactive and in character. 

How do you feel about your writing? 

I’m not a master, but more than an apprentice. I’m a journeyman. I’ve significantly improved my writing. I am only fairly decent at writing for now. 

If you knew no one would ever read what you wrote, would you still write? 

Yes with 110% confidence.

Are you influenced more by what the reader might like or what you like? 

Good question because I struggle with this. To name one example, I want to have a love triangle in my current WIP. However, all throughout social media, readers and writers say they hate love triangles. The love triangle serves a significant purpose in my WIP. I’d hate to cut it. The best I can do is try to play out the love triangle the right way, not the badly done way that angers readers. In the end, I try to write the type of book that I would like to read, believing there must be readers out there with similar likes.

Tagging (sorry I don't know for sure who has already been tagged for this one): @buffythevampirelover @rickie-the-storyteller @happypup-kitcat24 @jay-avian @leahnardo-da-veggie @pluppsauthor @oliolioxenfreewrites @tildeathiwillwrite

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Bella ran a very successful yet niche meta account on tumblr with hot takes about various forms of popular media called, TheCarnivorousBellaMeta?

Well.

This wouldn't happen.

The Caveat

First, Bella's canonically bad with computers. This isn't her fault, it's 2005 and personal computers for normal people is only just starting to be a thing. She notes having an ancient computer at Charlie's house that she has little idea how to use and prefers not to use. Otherwise, Bella prefers to read books in her free time as well as get chores like cooking and laundry out of the way.

This is not a girl who's running a blog (especially not tumblr as either tumblr doesn't exist yet or else is in its infancy in this time period, if anything she'd be on LiveJournal).

But let's say Bella is an avid blogger with a LiveJournal account.

What's she posting?

I'm sorry, anon, but her blog is not TheCarnivorousBellaMeta.

I imagine Bella's blog is tasteful quotes from Jane Austen's works, tasteful quotes from people who make her feel intellectual, reblogs of famous paintings she doesn't recognize, and maybe, maybe, dissertations on why Loki is a poor blorbo who never did a wrong thing in his life. (It's the wrong era, but I suspect Bella would be profoundly into Reylo, Loki's Resistance, and maaaaaaybeeee Johnlock).

Point being, her takes would be well worded, but given they're what a thousand other people are staying on the site and prompted by nothing she's probably not that popular.

I imagine there's also a few posts of "today I made enchiladas. They were delicious" as she feels the need to fill her tumblr.

Bella's hot takes are people's normal takes and I would expect her blog to reflect as much.

Alright, We'll Pretend

Let's pretend that Bella's the same person except for some weird reason she's running a blog that feels like it's being run by an alien (because to Bella it is).

The beginning of Twilight is essentially unaltered as we're assuming Bella is still Bella, she just runs a blog (not sure what her hot takes are, exactly, but we'll not go into that). She goes to Biology, Edward acts weird, Edward leaves, Edward comes back and acts weird, she nearly gets hit by a van, Edward acts weird.

The difference is in the part where Edward has decided he must know everything about her. Given that he's watching her unbeknownst to her, he sees Bella on her ancient computer updating her tumblr blog "TheCarnivorousBellaMeta" with such things as whether or not Itachi really does love his brother or not or whether Snape is Good or Bad (TM).

Edward is fascinated, as he is with all aspects of Bella, and methodically goes through not only every post she's ever written but every public interaction she's had with other anonymous internet denziens.

From this, he's able to more easily narrow in on Bella's likes, dislikes, how she views the world, and how she might view him.

Edward, who is trying to ignore Bella in public, gets a terrible, tempting, awful idea. He makes up an online persona: AlbrechtWithTheWilis (this is an obscure reference to the ballet Giselle, the tragic storyline being one he associates with Bella as, though she doesn't know it, she's being tempted to join the realm of the dead) and starts interacting by giving a very in depth comment making it clear he's read many of Bella's posts and deeply considered them.

Bella's surprised and deeply flattered. While she's a popular niche blog, she doesn't get these kinds of comments often and er she has a lot of posts on a lot of things. Only a lunatic would read through all of them. Bella responds that she's deeply flattered and moves on.

Edward doesn't get the kind of interaction he was looking for as Bella doesn't reach back out to him and instead answers questions like "What if Itachi was a walrus? Would he murder his entire family then?" (The answer, by the way, is yes).

Edward ends up having to ask questions himself, carefully prepared questions based on what he's seen that Bella will both enjoy and will provoke deep thoughts about herself and the world.

To his mounting anger and frustration, he waits weeks, and instead sees five iterations of "What if Itachi had pink hair?", "What if Itachi was actually in love with his brother for real though?", "What if Sasuke was secretly Itachi?", "What if Naruto was a hallucination of Sasuke's?" answered and none of his very insightful questions.

(This is in part because they're too insightful, they require a lot of thought whereas the others do not, because Bella's never heard of the source material Edward's mentioning or else has no hot takes, and because Edward is following his question with five paragraphs of what he thinks and how what he thinks is absolutely the right answer. Clearly expecting hot take Bella to agree with him.

Bella does not.

So, she doesn't answer and feels increasingly weird about this Albrecht guy. Seems kind of like a smug elitist, clearly trying to impress her, doesn't he?)

As it is, he's prompted to read through Naruto to see what the possible draw is, and he can't figure it out as it's weird foreign cartoons to him. Bella doesn't even have Naruto on her shelf! He searches but all he can find are classics, typically English, like Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, and Dickens.

There is, in fact, no mangas or animes on her shelf despite Bella referencing these materials near constantly.

She clearly knows it intimately, per her blog, but where is the source material she's even drawing from?

Worse, in real life, she gives no indication she has this blog. At first, he thought of this positively. Bella has a +1000 following on her blog but has not allowed it to get to her head or affect her daily life, except it makes him feel like all his efforts to get to know her don't even matter.

Edward starts giving her a shake down in real life, dropping little hints that he knows about her online persona. Bella tries to brush these aside as AH HA HA HA HA, I'M NOT A TOTAL NERD WITH HOT TAKES ON THINGS. "Naruto? What's that?" She gets increasingly disturbed that Edward is... trying to publicly humiliate her? Despite Edward being super hot and mysterious, Bella finds herself less and less interested in him.

You all know how this eventually goes: Bella gets eaten by Edward.

[felixravinstills]

re: last one

hi abyssal! i'm back like a lying liar because that was not the last of me yapping about allegory of the cave. anyway, about this bit-

It will not remember that often times he was the man standing beside me at parties, unsure and searching for the right opening, or the slight nod he gave me as he left, having found an in to a conversation. I have never written down how much that nod means to me. I could never write it down properly. 

-do you have any more felix & florus thoughts? what their dynamic was like (since they don't seem to be friends exactly but also seem to be more than acquaintances)?

Yay! No, I love answering questions! You're always welcome! I guess this goes without saying, but this is obviously all my headcanon. Thanks for the ask! Also this got longer than I expected!

All the mentors (for the most part) are at the minimum some form of school friends or at least friendly acquaintances (Felix-Livia and Coriolanus-Livia being the notable exceptions I can think of off the top of my head. Urban Canville is probably disliked by many of the others as well). I think that there's some affection between all of them from just growing up in the same circles and as these are top performing Academy students, likely seeing each other in the same honors classes and functions.

Working off that baseline, I don't think the Friend family is quite on the same level in terms of influence and wealth as the Ravinstills, Heavensbees, or the more prestigious families of the Academy.

Felix is more comfortable interacting with people whose families are closer to his in status or with people who seem more honest with their intentions/emotions. Florus doesn't really fall into either category in my mind (Florus trying to fit in would not put him in the latter). (I think lowkey a thing I have going on with Felix is that before he comes into his own the idea of who he should be as a Ravinstill gets in the way of him making personal connections, so this continues to be an extension of that in a way.)

When Felix and Florus could have become closer (during the Academy), I think they were preoccupied with their own internal issues which are both kind of similar. They both felt kind of overlooked in their families (in Felix's case, this is a result of miscommunication while in Florus' case, this is more actually the case). They aren't really thinking too hard about that other guy who has similar interests to them. Felix enjoyed history, although I think he fell into the traps of getting swept up into narratives rather than peeling back the curtain of how these historical narratives are formed like Florus would. To be fair, I think Florus fell into that trap when he was younger too. Unfortunately, at worst, they might have felt that their interests were too similar. There might have tried to avoid each other because of that (self-conscious about being replaced).

Still, I think that they probably would have gotten on well if they had interacted more/gave themselves a chance to become closer, and I think Florus would recognize that in the later years. In hindsight, he says that they could have been friends, maybe even good friends, and I think it compounds the guilt he has due to his indirect involvement with Felix's death.

In the end, their small kind of nod of kinship at parties, to me, was meant to amplify that idea that small things cause ripples, like Florus giving the list that eventually led to Myrtilus Carnes killing Felix but in kind of an opposite way? Like Florus' action has a describable impact. Felix's nod means a lot to Florus (some form of comfort. "you are not alone") but it isn't really something you can explain. (it's a small gesture that means a lot personally but to an outsider is just... nothing). Again, the things that history cannot truly capture in my opinion (the personal).

(if you look closely, my brain getting inexplicably scrambled by Felix Ravinstill makes it's way into my characterization of Felix's relationship with others... Sometimes, a near-stranger impacts you a lot, and you just have to deal with that. The amount of times that Felix is important primarily through a love and importance assigned to him by another person... Haha. Wonder what's up with that?)

[hanszoe]

disclaimer that snk contains fundamentally problematic premises, themes and messages. isayama is a citizen of a country that committed terrible war crimes and culturally is not much better today, which is reflected in his own ideals and morals as depicted through his storytelling as well as in corroborative statements made by him about japanese imperialism. i recognize that he is not much more ignorant than the average racial majority in any imperialist country or beneficiary thereof, but i personally believe in individual responsibility and the possibility for a better world which will only be formed through accountability. with that said, it should be clear that i disagree with almost every message of the narrative. i am just here because i am in love with hansi.

on use of my translations: repost is fine as long as you do not edit or claim as your own, especially not to misgender or misspell hansi's name. would prefer to be credited in case someone has a question, but without is also fine.

cause it keeps coming up: generally, i dislike levi and eruri fan centrism and believe it is inseparable from the reason why hansi was killed. please do not tag me in levi or eruri centric metas, especially not to use hansi as a comparison to their relationship. eruri is subtextually canon, and i believe isayama had a responsibility to address it explicitly the same way he had a responsibility to address hansi's gender identity, but far too often is hansi ignored, sidelined, and regarded as less important by fans, and belittled and discredited by one of the men in the pairing. misogyny and transphobia are not negated by gay identity. i will always defend it, but too little do i see the same extended to femininity and genderqueerness. if levi being nonstraight is canon to you based on author commentary, hansi being genderqueer must also non-negotiably be so. i do not feel prejudice against any eruri fan nor do i dislike the pairing, but if you feel targeted by criticism of cispatriarchy then this blog is probably not for you.

-isayama has requested hansi's english pronouns be they/them ("avoid gendered pronouns") or "at least" he and she with equal frequency. using single gender for them is misgendering them (which kodansha usa and many other "official" sources do). please do not send me asks or tag me in posts misgendering them. -hansi's (smartpass) commentary on their romantic preferences is that "everyone sure likes that kind of topic".

if you're curious about my overall interpretation of parts of the narrative, please read my narrative analysis masterlist.

below are my page translations/commentary: -Hansi's conversation with squad Levi in 52 -Marlene’s comment to Hansi about Keith, its context and elaboration on the meaning of 憧れ -Full translation and commentary on the first 7 pages of 126 and additional commentary on misinterpretations of 大人しく and grammatical nuance of ん(の) in hansi's response -Correction of the mistranslation of Hansi's dialog to Yelena at the beginning of 132 -The last part of Levi's thought soliloquy in 136 and commentary on his use of お前ら

hansi-related: -name romanization (not my research) -estimated birth and training entry year (outdated, potentially contradicted by an unverified author comment) -everything gender related -eye injury

translations -scenes of sheltering from rain volume 6 [originally 7] Nanaba & Hansi Zoe and discrepancies between my translation and the official english translation -hansi talking about being uncomfortable wearing a gendered uniform in the junior high spinoff -qna about hansi from the SnK 15th anniversary edition of Bessatsu Magazine

other -why is hansi depicted as fetishizing transfemininity in official derivative material -what did isayama mean by "female in the anime"

poetry that reminds me of hansi -october by louise glück -september by jennifer michael hecht -the poem by franz wright -meditations in an emergency by cameron awkward-rich -straw house, straw dog by richard siken

also my character songs how i feel about hansi are foreigner's god by hozier and je te laisserai des mots by patrick watson. foreigner's god for their shameless wonder, loving despite unbelievable suppression, the way our pasts are indelible influences on us, the nameless impression of power of the institution that hurt them in a way irremediable by me, and the pure grief of it transcending language. and je te laisserai des mots for how lonesome that loving ends up being, how it must be left unseen, unfelt in the hidden places, only to be held in quiet moments when you're alone (embrasse-moi can mean anything from "hold me" to "kiss me").

[sabaramonds]

long time no post CW for discussions of suicide & homophobia ahead as well as mentions of yunos sex work so in my periphery i see a lot of people saying 1. kazui hates yuno and 2. part of the reason why they seem themselves in one another is because kazui represses his sexuality while yuno is open about hers neither of these are true

you can dislike someone without hating them by virtue of being discomforted by the fact they are similar to you (self recognition through the eyes of the other (derogatory)) and. as for yuno being 'open' about her sexuality. well...i would say shes in tune with her own, but she isnt 'open' about it? unless es makes the details of each trial public among the prisoners (excluding the final judgement, of course) or she told people herself, nobody would know she does sex work. and i dont think shes told people, because why would she? what yuno and kazui recognize in each other isnt necessarily related to sexuality at all, but the masks they both wear and cant take off. neither of them can fully shed the facade they hide behind because to do so would result in a social death. they would, for different yet similar reasons, be stigmatized by their families and society at large. yeah, yuno says she comes from a supportive household (and this could be a lie. she could be lying.) but would that be true if her family found out she does sex work for whatever reason? not likely. and kazui has already said his family 'must find [me] embarrassing' upon being asked if theyre proud of him. if they discovered the truth of his sexuality in the aftermath of his wifes death (suicide?) then that would make sense, though if hinako killed herself then it could be theyre unaware of that truth and are ashamed of him for other reasons im a bit unsure about the current political climate re: suicide in japan (im saying this and you guys do not want to see the tabs i have open rn LOL) and how its viewed by the older generation in particular, but its generally tolerated, shamed, or honorable depending on the context. mental health issues are often ignored, particularly by older generations; to commit suicide to right an apparent wrong or repent (one form of which you all might be familiar with is seppuku) is looked at as a moral responsibility in some cases. so um. basically part of what im saying is that if hinako killed herself to escape the social fallout of not only potential divorce but also from having had a gay husband, she would be looked at with pity and empathy while kazui would be, of course, derided and considered a social pariah - if that is what happened and if it came to light. and, well, what do people think would happen if yuno, 18 years old, not even culturally an adult (until 2022, just last year, 20 was not only the traditional age of being considered an adult in japan but also legally - it was only last year that they made it legal to vote and sign up for loans and their own credit stuff without their parents backing them) and shes doing sex work. if it became public knowledge, her family would be devastated. she could get disowned, she could lose her social standing among friends, among other probable issues that could arise so what kazui and yuno see in one another isnt really related to sexuality at all. yuno looks at kazui and sees a man who has spent his whole lifetime hiding himself from not only the world but from his own self and she doesnt want that for herself; kazui looks at her and sees a girl who is hiding her honest self from everyone and in that he sees himself, which isnt helped by the fact she has subtly implied shes well aware of what it is he hides from the world like recognizes like etc. anyway thats all. double in is in like 2 weeks and i wont survive it

[abiteofhoney]

Writerly Questionnaire

thanks for the tag @willtheweaver :) i dont do tag games a whole lot bc… well idk. they scare me? but this one got my attention. mostly because it doesn’t involve sharing any of my actual writing.

About me:

When did you first start writing?

around 2013-14 i think. it was my freshman year of high school. i was recently introduced to one direction, and well…. the rest is history (i wrote bad harry styles fanfic which eventually evolved into fully original work)

Are the general themes you read different from the ones you write?

i would say no. i mostly like to read fantasy, and that’s mostly what i write, i think.

Is there an author/fellow writer you want to emulate, or one to whom you want to be compared?

in short, no. i have learned the hard way that comparing myself to others is the devil.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (room, coffee shop, desk, etc)

i’m generally in an old, peeling, faux-leather recliner, laptop in my lap, some mindless show on in the background, and then whatever i need right around me.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

ehhhhh idk honestly. just thinking about my story will stir up some motivation and inspiration if im not there yet. i just kind of sit with my doc open in front of me until something starts happening

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

in any way that you environment influences you, i suppose. not directly. certainly not on purpose. i don’t pull inspiration from it at least.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

there are probably some i don’t recognize as repeat offenders, but i think all of my stories have the main character incapacitated with pain while their love interest has to take care of them. i eat it up every time.

grief is often a key factor in my stories, but let’s not look to far into that.

My Characters:

Would you please tell me about your favorite character? (Current wip, past wip, never used)

right now, it’s scarlett :) she’s a bitey woman who likes to kill and torture, but she gets carried away too easily, so her girlfriend evie tries to show her how to control herself and how to appreciate death and killing as an art form

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

theoretically, all of them. they’re all amazing and i love them.

realistically, none of them. they’re messy and i’m a recluse that doesn’t like a lot of upset in my life

Which of your characters would you dislike most in real life?

anzurin. he’s one of those “sexy in fiction, a walking red flag in real life” kind of characters

Tell me about the process of coming up with one, all, or any of your characters.

truly, i don’t have much of a process. i generally get a quick idea or flash of inspiration for, say, a single scene, and then i build their character as i write it.

Do you notice any themes/traits about your characters?

the male love interests i write always worship the ground the main character walks on. women are almost always the focus. i love women

How do you picture them?” (as real people you imagined/as models/actors that exist in real life/as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc)

mmm i think i have that thing where you can’t picture stuff in your head. like i can come up with the features i want them to have, but i can’t see them. i can’t “picture” them.

i generally use whatever medium i can find - inspiration from real people, artwork i find, i have commissioned things before, picrews.

My writing:

What’s your reason for writing?

i don’t know, really. maybe i don’t have a reason. it just feels natural. as natural as breathing. like it’s exactly what i’m supposed to do with my life.

is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

my “readers” consist of one singular friend lol but she has said that im really good at building characters and making them feel real.

How do you want to be thought of by those that read your work? (for example, as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition as a talented worldbuilder, or a role model, etc)

i don’t want to be thought of. i would just be happy if my work was enjoyed. alas, i barely share it because, again, i don’t want to be thought of.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

my character building

What have you frequently been told your greatest writing strength is by others?

my character building :)

How do you feel about your writing? (answer in whatever way you interpret that question)

it varies. sometimes i feel like it’s not just good, it’s good enough (that’s a reference to ‘north of the border’ adam the sculptor). sometimes i feel like it’s great. sometimes i feel like i’ve lost it and will never write anything good again.

If you were the last person on earth, and knew that your writing would never be read, would you still write?

absolutely. as i said in another answer, writing is like breathing. i hardly share it as it is, so that’s not an issue at all.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

i think i mostly just write whatever i want. i fear that lately? i’ve been more conscious of what others might think/enjoy, but im trying to stop doing that. i write for me. i write because i enjoy it, and if i start trying to cater to others, i will no longer enjoy it.

~~~~~

some of those were difficult to answer but this was a good time :)

i don’t know many of you have already done this, so if i tag anyone that has already done it, sorry :/ you don’t have to do it again

but i will tag a few no pressure tags: @autism-purgatory @finickyfelix @frostedlemonwriter @bluberimufim

[clyrnin10yearslater]

Sleep

"Before he knew what he was thinking, he scooped her sleeping form into his arms and promptly thought he might die all over again when she made a small sound, her head falling against his shoulder. Her heart continued its steady beat. He could feel it thrumming throughout his own body. Once she was in his arms he had no idea what he ought to do with her."

Myrnin had always struggled with finding a balance in his focus. As a boy he had received his fair share of beatings, too distracted by the stars to see wolves picking off the sheep. It hardly got better the older he got. So focused on the task at hand he often failed to recognize his own needs before hunger or exhaustion overwhelmed him. Or his attention would be drawn so rapidly from one idea to the next that nothing would get done properly. 

But worst of all was how often he neglected to notice things about those he cared for. Certainly, he had caught on that Claire was staying in the lab far later into the night than was typical, but it wasn’t until she smacked his hand away from her most recent project that he realized she no longer wore her engagement ring. His attempt to broach the subject made the smile drop from her sweet face so fast he hadn’t dared to mention it again in the following weeks. Judging by the fact that all pigmentation had returned to the band of skin around her finger he probably ought to have noticed far earlier than he did. 

If his focus hadn’t been so dominated by his own wasted shame for having missed something that obviously distressed the poor girl, then perhaps he would’ve noticed when her heartbeat began to slow and her tinkering came to a stop. 

They were working in a calm peaceful sort of silence, or at least as close to as one could get with a human. And yet only when the quiet became true silence, interrupted only by Claire’s soft shallow breaths and steady heartbeat did he risk looking at her and ruining the moment. 

When he saw her there, her head tucked against her arms, parchment, and opened books scattered across the table he thought his unbeating heart may burst. He had only ever seen the girl sleep a handful of times before and never once had she looked as though she were truly at peace. 

“Claire?” he called tentatively across the laboratory, making his way toward her. Could that position be comfortable for her? The way her neck lay crooked to keep her head in her arms, and the pen making indentations in her face made him think otherwise. Excuses. He knew. He knew he just wanted to be closer to her, in the rare opportunity when he could allow himself to be without fear of being deemed too close by her. He just wanted to be near her. Close, close, close. He wanted to hold her close.

He felt it, somewhere deep inside him, that sick, horrible, delightful urge to take advantage of the opportunity the girl provided for him, trusting him too much. Perhaps she wasn’t as smart smart smart as everyone gave her credit for after all, nobody with a modicum of intelligence would trust a monster let alone enough to find themselves asleep in the monster's lair,  any chance of defense or escape lost that vulnerable state. No, not so smart smart smart at all.  His fangs snapped down, the sweet, so sweet, scent of her overwhelming his senses as he continued his approach. 

And then he stopped, all at once realizing his intentions. He couldn’t help the flicker of relief that coursed through him. She really did make him better. There was just something about her that made him need to be better. If only she had come along long ago. Perhaps he never would have become a monster at all. He shook his head. That was hardly fair to her. What pressure to put on a single human, to fix generations of madness, centuries of his own insanity. 

Recently he’d let himself tell her a story of his childhood, his father in particular. (For someone who frequently protested her dislike of history, Claire was very curious.) His arm still tingled where her touch had lingered several moments longer than usual, her gaze filled with more sympathy than he, or his father, deserved. Her mouth had opened, in that way that had become so familiar to him, when she hesitated on what to say next. 

He’d been caught off guard by a strong rush of desire to kiss her. Kiss her before she could speak and rekindle any emotion he’d long since blocked off in regards to his childhood. Kiss her because her lips were warm and ever so inviting. Kiss her because he hadn’t done it right the first time. Kiss her because dear god he loved her. 

Coward and fool that he was, he’d rushed abruptly away from her, making some excuse that mere days later he couldn’t recall, all the while seething with self-hatred. For hours after she’d gone he wondered at what might have been. Not the kiss of course. He knew how that would have gone. Even though she avoided going home with increasing desperation he knew her decreased love for that boy would still never translate into love for him. He had never been quite so lucky. Had he kissed her then she would have rejected him. He could handle being her friend, boss even, so long as he never had to face such an intimate rejection from her. 

No, instead he wondered what might have been if she’d been there when he was but a boy. If they’d grown together. She would have saved him, of that he was certain. And in those moments, when she held more power over him than she ever knew, he was fairly certain she could have saved them all. His father, his wicked mother, even his sisters whose names flickered in out of memory like flames in the wind. Claire could have saved them all from themselves. How indescribably cruel of him to believe her capable of the impossible. 

Before he knew what he was thinking, he scooped her sleeping form into his arms and promptly thought he might die all over again when she made a small sound, her head falling against his shoulder. Her heart continued its steady beat. He could feel it thrumming throughout his own body. Once she was in his arms he had no idea what he ought to do with her. 

He could carry her back to her home, but he wasn’t certain how good an idea that would be. Myrnin knew that boy had always been… distrusting of their relationship, even when he himself believed his feelings towards her were merely professional. He didn’t know what was going on between the two, but the last thing he wanted was Claire blaming him for making it worse. 

For a moment he considered waking her, or at least putting her back where she’d been and letting her sleep without disturbance. But she was so warm and the stool she’d fallen asleep upon so cold and perhaps it was pure selfishness but he couldn’t fathom abandoning her to that. He held her tighter as her breath swirled against his cheek, wishing he could just hold her forever. But she’d be upset with him if she woke in his arms. He’d hurt her enough that she wouldn’t trust that his intentions were purely innocent. The silvery glint of the scars upon her neck served as a good reminder of the pain he caused when allowed to get too close. 

He didn’t use his bedroom very frequently. Even as a human, he’d preferred to stay awake, avoiding the darkness that came with the closing of his eyes. Nonetheless, the door swung open with nary a sound. Her scent, overpowering in the main areas of the lab as it was, still lingered in this space, though it had been years since she’d occupied it and he’d attempted to wash the smell of her out several times. 

He could not bring her home. He could not allow her to sleep in the cold discomfort of the lab. And he certainly could not hold her. But he could lay her here, in the bed he had used no more than twice since she’d last used it, hoping that it would be familiar enough for her to remain unfrightened upon waking. 

“Myrnin?” Claire’s voice called, groggy and thick with sleep. He moved to step back, having just finished tucking her under the threadbare covers — he ought to invest in better blankets, in case she ever needed to rest there again — but she caught his fingers before he could get away. 

“Hush now,” he murmured, stroking her hair out of her face with his free hand. “Go back to sleep, fy annwyl.” He didn’t know how awake she truly was, but when her grip on his hand tightened, tugging him gently toward the small bed, he wasn’t strong enough to pull away. And when she spoke, voice soft but insistent, he could do nothing less than oblige her request to stay. 

With Claire held safely in his arms, Myrnin found that for the first time in all the centuries that he’d been alive, the oppressive darkness of sleep brought no terrors to wake him.

[soudakuwunmoment]

i want to add onto this another layer that i feel like i should have covered. i mentioned how these two dynamics reflect on how dave and dirk deal with having themselves reflected back at them, but its also incredibly worth mentioning the other way around; how do dave and dirk react to being what they perceive to be an inferior version of themselves?

dealing with being an "inferior" version of the "real thing" is core to both davesprite and hals characters, and im frankly humiliated that i missed such an important piece of this.

as mentioned, hal was created to be a tool, for helping to save the world, yes, but also for daily convenience, hes basically the workhorse when it comes to dirks social life and responsibilities. hal has a lot of control over dirks personal life and keeps the order; he was designed to, and at the end of the day, he is a program. an incredibly sentient one, but he is a program, and his purpose is to complete the tasks that are assigned to him.

hal does a lot for dirk, and as mentioned in the original post, receives little appreciation, and gives little in return. its a forced and thankless job, regardless of how easy or difficult it is for him.

and on top of this, hal is not given the option to actually be dirk. only pretend, despite the fact he is dirk, just different. hal was stripped his identity because his creator decided there can only be one "true" dirk. but hal also feels the urge to be the "true" dirk, he just knows he doesnt have a lot of ground to stand on. so he uses the fact that he has superior abilities that dirk clearly wishes he himself had.

hal knows how desperately dirk wants to be smarter, more capable, faster at processing, better at multitasking. thats why he created hal in the first place. and hal knows this because he also remembers creating himself, for all those reasons. and so hal shows his dominance by shoving in dirks face how much more capable he is. and to myself as the reader i originally didnt understand why dirk was so bothered by hals bragging, because hes basically bragging about being a computer, and at the time i thought that dirk would probably be content in feeling superior just by being the original, physical guy. but looking back, its obvious that being a computer IS what dirk finds to be superior, because dirk wishes he wasnt human, he has too many limitations as a human, thats why he created hal.

but of course hal still feels insecure, otherwise he wouldnt need to brag, because even though dirk inherently wishes he was more capable, the importance of being the original, physical copy, isnt lost on him. especially since, to some extent, dirk realizes that he is the "true" dirk, he is the purest form of himself, despite all of his splinters. and he takes pride in that. hal dislikes being a splinter, especially one that can so easily be passed off as a "false" dirk, as even his own friends often dont recognize him as even a legitimate version of dirk. jake warms up to brain ghost dirk immediately, despite the fact it isnt dirk, so clearly his issue with hal was in him being a computer program, and therefore "unintelligent" or lacking a realness attribute as the kids say.

so hal is constantly in a battle for dominance with dirk, fighting for the role of the "real, better dirk"

and as we know, hals first step towards resolving his issues is giving himself a name; lil hal. by disconnecting himself from the name "Auto Responder" he gains a sense of his own, separate identity. And later on, he gets a physical presence in the form of ARquius. and so you have the solution to hals feelings of inferiority: what hal needs is to become his own person, and form his own sense of identity outside of dirk. he doesnt need to be the better dirk, when he can be the only hal.

and thats generally the conclusion to his character struggles. once he found a way to separate himself from his source and be satisfied with who he was, his character arc sort of came to an end.

now, davesprite. i may have less to say on davesprite (im just writing as i go this isnt super structured), because while hes equally as complex, there is a lot less importance on his relationship with dave; there isnt a "fight for dominance" because neither wants to be better than the other. in fact, dave and davesprite would probably gladly switch places. hear me out.

dave striders character arc has many themes, but one of the primary ones is what it means to be a hero, to be a main character. and its made clear to us; dave doesnt want to be a hero. he is noble, he protects and fights for his friends, yes. but being noble is not the same as being a hero, not in the context of homestuck, not in the context of sburb.

in the context of sburb, vriska is a hero. she saves the day with her relevance and sacrifice, to and for the story of homestuck. that is what is considered a hero; someone who contributes themselves to the story, someone who fights lord english, someone who wins the game. dave is heroic, because he fights for his friends, he doesnt really care about "fighting the bad guy" he just wants to be himself and live his life with the people he loves. remember quotes like, "im not a hero, my bro was, john is, im not." or "maybe i never wanted to be a knight of time. maybe id rather just be like, the dave of guy. you know just some dude."

daves primary struggle is being relevant when he would rather not be. he wants to take to the sidelines. and the resolution to his internal conflict is refusing to fight lord english, refusing to be the hero who saves the day as he was supposedly destined to be.

now what is davesprites primary internal conflict? its made pretty clear to us that davesprite struggles with the shift from being a hero who everyone relies on, to being a hardly relevant game piece. after what he went through in the original timeline, and having to sacrifice his reality to save his friends, he is cast to the side. he went from having more responsibility and control than any other dave we know, to having practically none at all. he is alienated from his original purpose. this dave was a hero, and had it taken away from him. this dave did everything that made vriska a hero; he made sacrifices for the sake of the story and winning the game. in the new timeline, he is the dave who fights jack noir with bro. he is the dave who fights the bad guy, THIS DAVE is the hero. this is the knight of time. but hes not allowed to be. hes not the knight of time anymore, hes just davesprite.

so we have a main character who doesnt want to be a main character, and we have his side character variant who wants to be a main character because that was his original purpose. and now neither are content. if dave and davesprite were to switch places, both would be happy i bet. but they cant. so now what?

how does davesprite resolve his issues?

he struggles to make friends with john and jade, despite having sacrificed everything for them. they dont see him as the real dave and here again we see the same problem we had with hal and dirk; who is the true dave? and davesprite struggles a lot, because instead of fighting for the role, he immediately accepts that he isnt "dave" anymore. and it sends him into a depression. he disconnects from himself and prioritizes his friends safety and winning the game. he sort of just.. gives up.

and again, the solution here is for davesprite to become his own person. to be relevant, to be a hero, he has to not be dave. he has to become his own person- but he doesnt. not immediately. and not by himself. hal makes the decision to be his own person, but at least initially, davesprite does not. he deals with a lot of depression while hes on the ship. he desperately wants to be dave, but he cant be; there already is a dave, a dave who is fundamentally different, a dave who chooses narrative control over being a hero, while all davesprite knows is being a hero.

davesprite cant be dave in order to be a hero, but it takes an external force, a drastic change, for him to realize that. becoming davepetasprite. davesprite merges with nepeta and they become their own person. troll. bird. ..sprite. and in doing so, both davesprite and nepeta! both gain the narrative presence they both wanted and needed in order to shine. a character born from struggling in irrelevance finally get what they need when they fight lord english, a character born from the opposite.

davesprite needed to become his own person to separate from dave, yes, but more specifically, davesprite needed to be a hero.

there is a great video about dave and his relationship with heroism that also covers a lot of what i said about davesprite and davepeta, its called "The Destiny of Dave Strider" by Casey Jarmes and if you havent watched it i highly recommend it, it gave me a grasp on understanding daves character that i hadnt quite had previously. i repeated a lot of his points, half unintentionally, and then rewatched the video and realized just how heavily it had effected my view on dave haha.

thats.. actually about it, though! i think i finally managed to say all i wanted to say that i didnt when i wrote the original post.

i feel like theres smth to say about the relationship between dirk and hal compared to the relationship between dave and davesprite. like i dont know what, but theres parallels and differences that i think are interesting, and you could use them to come to some kind of interesting conclusion about the differences between dirk and dave

hal was created to be a tool for dirk to use for convenience and to utilize as an upperhand in sburb (multitasking mostly) hal did not want to exist as a tool. hal wanted to exist as the person using the tool but got the short end of the stick by pure chance and has to live with his actions after not having thought them through.

davesprite decided to become a tool for dave to use to have better chances at winning sburb. dont take this as me saying that davesprite enjoys being what he is. simply that he was prototyped by his own will.

hal is considered to be a false version of dirk. he is technically dirk, but he is different enough that dirks friends do not perceive him the same way, and in some cases, do not consider him their friend.

davesprite is considered to be a fake dave. not that anyone doubts the validity of his existence as Dave Strider; more-so that people consider dave to be "the real dave" and davesprite to be an iteration of him, despite them both being real daves who lived different lives.

dirk and hal have an antagonistic relationship. they accuse the other of being exactly the same, while sometimes switching to claiming they are the superior version - dirk for his existence in the physical plane and being The Original, and hal for his intelligence and capabilities as a digital being with access to any information he desires in an instant.

dave and davesprite have a very subtle relationship. we assume davesprite struggles with feeling inferior to the alpha timeline dave, but dave doesnt reflect those feelings. dave sees davesprite as simply another him, maybe since hes used to meeting other versions of himself. they are generally friendly to each other, davesprite offers dave any information he might need about the game without being cryptic, but dave doesnt really take the offer. other than this, they dont interact all that much.

dirk and hals relationship is somewhat of a fight for dominance, constant low-blows, social gymnastics and psychological warfare, which reflects the self-loathing nature of dirk and his splinters.

dave and davesprites relationship has similar themes of inferiority, jealousy, and being seen as the "real dave" but its much more constructive and dave seems eager to assure davesprite of his validity.

maybe its representation of how dirk and dave deal with.. emotions? trauma? something like that. dirk is defensive and lashes out at others who he sees himself in, while dave is empathetic and reaches out to other iterations of himself because he understands how they feel. im not saying either is better than the other, just interested in how their personalities have an impact on how they react to having themselves reflected back at them.

you could also add jade onto this!! i was really interested in how she was so cruel to a reflection of herself despite how nice she normally is, and how she was able to recognize that about herself. shes somewhat like dirk in that sense, but i think shes more... self aware than him? something like that.

this post was more meant to be about dirk and dave tho :3

[psychologistae]

Punishment Fear

Severely punished children tend to become more aggressive: Moreover, psychologists believe that severely punished children may in turn develop aggressive and violent behavior in future. By being violent to the child the parents may be providing a model for aggressive behavior and making it appear legitimate to the child. A third major disadvantage of punishment is that it affects the relationship between parents and children. The child feels rejected as a result of punishment. This makes him/her anxious and sometimes even rebellious. Due to anxiety and a sense of insecurity the child produces more “misbehavior.” At this point parents begin to brand the child as naughty or mischievous and stop appreciating him/her for his/her good behavior. Moreover deep in their hearts parents begin to reject the child as a problem case.

www.psychologist.ae

Corporal punishment harmful for children: “Data from psychology… suggests that physical punishment is unlikely to be effective in helping parents to shape their children’s behavior as they themselves wish, or in building the self-discipline (which) the society requires of all socialized citizens. On the contrary, the use of physical punishment frequently provokes or exacerbates behavior (that) parents and others wish to minimize. It may be harmful to children in a number of ways and increase their vulnerability to physical abuse. Literature from psychology and related professions provides clear evidence and suggests some explanations for the inter-generational continuance of physical punishment.” William Glasser, a famous Psychiatrist and the founder of the method called Reality Therapy in his famous book “Stations of the Mind” made the following comments about punishment: “Punishment is still the most widely used and advocated way to control others, probably because unlike reward, there is never any doubt that punishment will produce… pain, and almost always a change in behavior. But most punishments produce only short term control. There is no good evidence that punishment will control people to do what you want them to do over any long period of time, because when you hurt people, you always increase their error.* Since pain is generally not considered desirable, in most cases you provoke an immediate conflict between what the person would like to do and the fact that if he does it he will be hurt. As in all serious conflicts, frantic redirection and occasional reorganization will occur,

www.psychologist.ae

but there is no reason to believe that it will be in the direction of the punished’s desire. He is Moulding Your Child 47 paddled severely and told if he does it again he will be paddled harder. If he dislikes the teacher strongly, he will be inclined to curse him…, but if he does, he will be hurt again. He may resolve the problem by stepping up to a higher order of resolve the problem by stepping up to a higher order of perception and vandalize the school, perhaps burn it down. At this order he resolves the conflict with the simple no-school, no-teacher, no-punishment route. Much vandalism and senseless destruction is redirection against the controlling establishment.” (p. 144). Many parents would readily recognize the vandalism and destruction manifested by children in their own homes. Objects broken or destroyed are visible; but the destruction is not so dramatic and easily noticeable when what is destroyed is of a psychological and social nature. For example, self-directed aggression is often manifested in the form of destruction of one’s own self-image and spirit of motivation, and the destruction of the valuable parent-child relationship. “Power-assertive disciplining” causes psychological damage Apart from damages (to bodily integrity) like head injury, physical punishment causes some psychological damages which will certainly be harmful to the child in the long run. Psychiatric literature and clinical case studies support the view that “power-assertive disciplining” and severe physical punishment in childhood may be partly responsible for a wide range of personality disorders and neuroses in adult life.

www.psychologist.ae

This happens primarily because physical punishment and other techniques like “love-withdrawal” lowers the child’s self-esteem and produces fear/anxiety in him/her. As a result of fear the child becomes more “defensive” in his/her behavior. This irritates the parents even further and punish the child more severely. The figure below shows how punishment produces anxiety and defensive behavior which becomes a vicious circle from which it is difficult to escape.

by:-Geroge Kaliaden Consulting,FZE.