#OUCH THIS HURT

[bird-inacage]

Love Sea Episode 5 | "Get out. Get out!"

Peat's performance in this entire sequence was superb. Probably some of his best work so far. This truly encapsulates the saying 'hurt people hurt others'.

Tongrak is so overcome by what he's feeling, he looks physically smothered, like a caged animal fighting against his own mind. He's trying so desperately not to be affected by the confrontation but it has inevitably gotten to him.

In the midst of this, he tells Mut very clearly to stay away. One, because he understandably wants to be alone. But two, he knows he can't control his emotions right now and so he's likely to lash out. And that's exactly what he ends up doing. So on top of everything else, he now feels immensely guilty and frustrated that Mut didn't heed his warning and leave him be. He just has to hurt one person here who cares about him.

The final scene at the dining table really hit me hard. Because I've been exactly there before and I'm sure others can relate too. When you feel so immensely helpless and alone, the silence of the four walls around you seems desperately cruel. At such a low point, even the tiniest gesture of kindness can threaten to break you down.

[heroftruth]

NEGATIVE ENNEAGRAM TEST

Type 2

The Enneagram Type 2, often referred to as "The Helper" or "The Giver," is characterized by a deep-seated desire to connect with others by offering assistance and support. While this personality type is known for their kindness, generosity, and empathy, the negative aspects of their nature can create challenges in both their personal lives and relationships. Their negative aspects tend to take the following forms:

Overly Self-Sacrificing: Strong inclination to prioritize others' needs over their own, often to the detriment of their own well-being.

Validation Seeking: Seeking approval and validation from others by constantly helping and being indispensable.

Manipulative Behavior: Tendency to manipulate situations and emotions to feel needed and valued.

Hidden Agenda: Helping others with the underlying expectation of receiving appreciation or reciprocation.

Boundary Issues: Difficulty setting healthy boundaries, leading to emotional exhaustion and burnout.

Resentment: Developing resentment when their efforts aren't acknowledged or reciprocated as expected.

Ignoring Personal Needs: Neglecting their own needs and desires while focusing excessively on fulfilling others'.

Fear of Rejection: Constantly fearing rejection or abandonment if they don't meet others' needs.

Dependence on Others' Approval: Relying on external validation for their sense of self-worth and identity.

Loss of Authenticity: Suppressing their own feelings and opinions to cater to others' preferences.

Emotional Manipulation: Using emotions to control situations, often making others feel guilty for not complying.

Avoiding Conflict: Going to great lengths to avoid conflict and disagreements, even at their own expense.

Loss of Identity: Struggling to distinguish their own desires and identity from those they help.

Exaggerated Selflessness: Displaying excessive selflessness to the point of denying their own needs altogether.

Emotional Volatility: Swinging between feelings of selflessness and moments of frustration or anger. (sometimes)

Martyr Complex: Adopting the role of the martyr, using their sacrifices to garner sympathy and attention.

Conditional Giving: Giving with strings attached, expecting something in return for their help.

Neglecting Self-Reflection: Focusing so much on others that they fail to reflect on their own feelings and motivations.

Unhealthy Attachments: Forming co-dependent relationships based on their role as the caregiver.

Burnout: Constantly overextending themselves without proper self-care, leading to burnout.

Loss of Autonomy: Feeling trapped by their need to be needed, which can hinder their personal growth.

Fear of Abandonment: Worrying that if they stop helping, they'll be abandoned or unloved.

Validation Addiction: Becoming addicted to the emotional highs they get from being needed and appreciated.

[sweptawxy]

Assumption- Xander never cared about Corrin or how she felt when deciding to side with Valla.

Xander took a deep breath, his expression was calm, yet stern. The only way you could tell he was angry was when his fist clenched in his hand. Was it from years of.buildijg patience? He wasn't sure. He did know it made him angry, though. "This is entirely not true. I did care for Corrin, I do care for her."

"I wouldn't expect anyone who hasn't-" he stopped, too muchbwas coming out. "I wouldn't expect you to understand. It wasn't that I didn't care for my sister. I felt as if she was betraying the people who loved her over a silly story that had no merit. I was wrong. But I never stopped loving her."

[o3o-lapd-o3o]

there are two wolves inside you

the first is you looking/listening in horror at odysseus eviscerating poseidon with his own trident

the second is you hearing poseidon/steven's screams and going "ayo why does he/this sound so good"

[hinamie]

idk about yall but life is good again

[cloudpalettes]

in a blink

[machinot]

Use the D-Pad - Machinot for Nintendo DS - 2005

[dirtytransmasc]

Sevika protecting Isha (and my feelings below):

I think the most heartbreaking, yet endearing, part of this whole scene, is that Sevika only has one arm.

in holding onto Isha, she renders herself defenseless. she has no clue what she's running into, but she won't put Isha down. she runs blind and unable to quickly fight back with her remaining arm.

and she doesn't give Isha a chance to run on her own. she just holds her. doesn't get angry when she fights her. doesn't scold her. just holds her tighter. and keeping a squirmy kids still is hard enough with two arms, let alone a kid fighting you as hard as she can with just one.

and she's soft with her, just in general. none of that normal tug and sharpness we're used to seeing. she's of course fighting her enough to keep her from slipping out of her grasp, but that's it.

I just. I'm not normal about them.

mother and child, your honor.

[becasbelt]

this art by @qvert has destroyed me. consider this a counterattack.

* * *

Falling asleep at her desk wasn’t new.

The dream was.

It’s easier to push unwanted memories to the back of her mind when she’s awake, when she can keep herself busy. It’s easier to make the past a blurry spot in her mind’s periphery when she’s sparring with Ambessa, strategizing with Maddie. She could hide her internal struggles behind work, has done it before.

Commander Kiramman didn’t run from ghosts. She hunted them.

Unfortunately, the moment she finally allows her eyes to fall shut, when she physically can’t keep them open any longer, the tight control she has over her own thoughts slips away.

Caitlyn remembers the moment vividly, no matter how hard she tries to forget it. The vulnerability on Vi’s face, the exhaustion seeping through her bones, the lingering smell of smoke and blood clinging to their clothes. It lives somewhere deep within her, somewhere she hasn’t been able to find and carve out yet.

But she’s never dreamed of it before.

Vi’s eyes are distant as she talks about her sister. The love she holds for Powder is obvious with every facet of her being; it spills from her pores almost as overwhelmingly as the regret that goes along with it.

Caitlyn watches with hooded eyes, body screaming for sleep that she’s unwilling to give – not when Vi is baring herself so openly. Not when she looks so soft and young and handsome lying in Caitlyn’s bed, fingers tracing her bedsheets as if there were no other place she’d rather be.

She wants to kiss her- has always wanted to kiss her, she thinks. But she won’t interrupt Vi, won’t rob her of this opportunity to talk without burden.

“Then a real monster showed up,” Vi says, eyes closing in deep remorse, “and I just ran away. I left her.”

And Caitlyn doesn’t think- can’t think about anything but easing the pain in Vi’s voice. She reaches out, gently drags two fingers down Vi’s cheek, soft, weathered skin brushing against the backs of her knuckles.

Vi reaches up and stops her hand before it can pull away, keeps it close to her instead. When her eyes blink open, something like amazement shining in her expression, Caitlyn’s heart skips a beat faster and-

Caitlyn doesn’t startle awake. Her eyes open sluggishly, registering slowly that she’d been dreaming. She’s still slumped over at her desk, face buried in her elbow, and through the one eye not obstructed by black fabric she sees her hand extended out in front of her, palm open and empty and cold.

A shiver ripples through her body and Caitlyn pulls her hand back in, curling in on herself.

The warmth of Vi lingers with her. She can’t find it in herself to push it away this time, not when it’s the middle of the night and she’s alone in her office instead of the bed stained with the memory of what she’s lost.

Caitlyn squeezes her eyes shut, presses her palms to the closed lids hard, wills the memory of Vi looking at her as if she was worth her fragile love to stay in her mind for just a moment longer.

Alone in her dark office, no one is around to see Caitlyn cry.

[miyakuli]

Goodbye, Blitz. 💔

[mulletstanleys]

once more to see you

---

(no trauma pics under cut)

[its-a-me-mango]

Doodle while waiting for the doctor to phone me and prescribe me yummy yummy drugs, I would take perscription medication with him.

[samkerrworshipper]

The Last Time (exile pt.2) | Alexia Putellas x Reader

part 2 to exile

summary: Alexia tries to apologise to r after what happened at the club… another songfic based off the song the last time by taylor swift

warnings: none besides a whole lot of angst :(

Alexia knows a lot of things. 

She knows how to play soccer, she knows how to speak English, Spanish and Catalan, she knows how to make some of the best paella in Barcelona thanks to her mother, she knows how to dance, she knows how to have some fun. 

She also knows that you are the best thing that has ever happened to her. 

It’s a fact, because Alexia was a mess before you, fresh out of a break up with Jenni, who she never really saw herself staying with but also never saw herself breaking up with. 

There are some people like Alexia thinks, people that you love, but they aren’t your person. Sometimes those relationships are the ones that hurt the most. 

Alexia knows that she’s fucked up more than she ever has before, she’s stripped you of your dignity and the respect in your relationship. 

Eli told her as much, her mother taking your side as Alexia sobbed into her phone explaining just how badly she had messed up and how she had to fix it. 

Alexia knew she was right, but she was also frightfully aware that she was fairly intoxicated, and she didn’t want to ruin your night anymore by showing up at your doorstep. 

So, she timidly stepped back into the bar, taking in how a lot of the team had exited the dance floor, Jenni appeared to be gone, something Alexia was grateful for. 

Before she could properly step into the space, Mapi was coming out of nowhere and clutching onto Alexia’s forearm, dragging her out of the club as quickly as humanly possible. 

Before Alexia could ask any questions, all the air was exiting her lungs as she was slammed up against the brick wall of the outside of the club. 

Mapi’s arm had come to rest flat against her chest, pressing her directly into the cold concrete. 

“What the actual fuck was that.”

Mapi’s voice is seething, and sure, she’s Alexia’s best friend in the entire world, but you are also Ingrid and Mapi’s adoptive daughter, when it comes to protecting you they do it fiercely. 

Alexia can’t do much besides burst into tears, she feels weak, stupidly weak, she doesn’t deserve to be crying, not after what she just did to you, but she can’t help herself, everything is too much. 

Mapi eases up a little bit, her arm falling from Alexia’s chest, down to her stomach and bringing her in for a hug, it’s clear that Alexia is pretty tipsy, and she decides she’ll save the yelling for when she can fully appreciate it. 

“C’mon, let’s get you home, Ingrid’s sober, she’ll drive.”

Alexia looks behind Mapi, to find her girlfriend lingering behind the two of them, a deep frown of anger and disappointment on her face. 

It makes Alexia sick to her stomach, like she’s been punched in the gut repetitively, she probably deserves it, especially after what she just did to you. 

She allows Mapi to lead her to a car, her body crumpling into the backseat, the thoughts of the last hour circling in her mind repetitively, like a record stuck on replay. 

Drunken, heartbroken Alexia forces herself to make a promise in the back of Mapi’s car, this is the last time. 

The last time she puts her feelings above yours, the last time she thinks without acting, the last time she disregards your relationship with such ease. 

If for some miracle, she can manage to claw her way back into your life, then she promises herself she will never let this happen again, this will be the first and only time that she goes behind your back, this will be the last time that she treats you like you aren’t enough, this is the last night she will lie to you. 

It seems empty, in the context, but Alexia doesn’t care, as far as she’s concerned this is rock bottom, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to her, and she’ll be damned if she lets you slip out of her hands without putting up a fight. 

Never again will she allow you to push your feelings under the rug, she is never going to hide all of your problems away like they don’t matter. 

When they do make it back to Ingrid and Mapi’s apartment, it’s clear Ingrid is fuming, Alexia can’t really blame her. 

So Mapi is on clean up, dragging a zoned out Alexia into the apartment, throwing her into the guest bedroom with some Advil and water on her bedside. 

It’s the bare minimum, it’s what Alexia deserves, Mapi doesn’t comfort her, she just gives her the look, the ‘you’ve seriously fucked up and I won’t lie to you about it’ look, it’s a look that previously Alexia had used on Mapi, before Ingrid, before Mapi got her shit together. 

She leaves Alexia to wallow in her hangover and depression, deep down Mapi knows it’s what's best, even if it hurts her, she knows from personal experience that sometimes it’s best to hold yourself accountable for your actions, and she knows Alexia will. 

Alexia manages to tug her clothes off, the items harbouring memories that make Alexia gag, she manages to crawl into the unfamiliar sheets of the bed and tumble into an alcohol induced sleep. 

It’s not a good sleep, the kind of sleep where no matter how long you stay unconscious for, you seem like you are teetering on the edge of waking up again. 

It’s why Alexia can’t sleep anything past 6am, which is her normal wake up time, on every day but a Monday, Monday’s are the one day of the week where Alexia allows herself to sleep in, because typically the only thing that happens on a Monday is video review in the afternoon, but that had been cancelled because Jona had some family commitment. 

She crawls out of bed, finding a spare hoodie and shorts on the dresser in the room and tugging them on before walking into the living room. 

To her surprise, Ingrid is already sitting at the kitchen table, a steaming mug of coffee in her hands, Bagheera in her lap and a laptop sitting on the counter in front of her. 

“There is coffee in the pot.”

Ingrid’s voice is stiff, something so unusual for the brunette, normally she is all things warm and kind, it’s why Alexia believes she compliments Maria so well, she mellows out all of Mapi’s bluntness and contradictiveness. 

Alexia tiptoes over to the pot, pouring herself a cup and then tentatively taking a seat at the table after Ingrid eyeballed the seat beside her. 

She closes the laptop once Alexia has sat down, all of the Norwegians attention turning to Alexia, unfortunately. 

“What you did last night was quite frankly disgusting. Your wife, my best friend, has put seven years of her life into you, you fall on her for anything you like, everything in your relationship is her problem, and for whatever reason she puts up with it, I know if it was me I wouldn’t put up with an inch of it, but she does, because that's who she is. She was holding on to one thing, you give away every single part of you, but she had something, a little piece of hope and last night you took it away from her. In fact, you practically stomped on that hope right in front of her. You don’t deserve her, you don’t deserve to walk on the ground that she does. I don’t care if you're my captain, or that you are La Reina or Alexia Putellas,  you do not get to treat the person that loves you very most in the world like a piece of lint on a sweater. You dust her off at every single opportunity you can, and she just sits by, allowing you to, because she loves you, a lot more than you deserve.”

Alexia tries to say something, agree with Ingrid, because she does agree, everything Ingrid is saying is true, Ingrid stops her though, continuing her rant. 

“For whatever reason, one I do not understand, she loves you, she talks about you like you created the moon and the stars, you make her happier than anybody else. That is why I am telling you that you have to make this right. Fuck Jenni, fuck you, fuck your fucked up ways. You need to fix this because she is going to be broken if you just give up. If anyone deserves to have their heart broken it’s you, so I don’t care if you have to die for her, you owe her that for all of the shit that you’ve forced her to put up with over the years. Last night might have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but you’ve been disloyal in every single way besides cheating up until last night, and if you love her at all, you will make it right. Nobody deserves to be loved more than she does, and if you don’t prove to her that you love her then she will spend every minute left of her life on earth gutted about it.”

Ingrid’s words are cut throat, so brutal that it takes Alexia a few seconds to absorb them all. 

“Ingrid, she told me that she wanted a divorce, that she didn’t want to be married to a woman who broke vows, I can’t blatantly disregard her wants.”

Ingrid just rolled her eyes.

“Of course she doesn’t, so prove to her that you aren’t that woman, that it was a mistake and that it will never happen again, and I swear to every single god that exists that if it ever happens again, mark my words, you will be six feet under and nobody will be finding your body, understood?”

It’s a threat that normally Alexia would find humorous, but the way Ingrid says it makes Alexia fairly certain that the Norwegian is fairly serious. Ingrid is innocent, Ingrid is a sweetheart, Ingrid is kittens and all things sweet and nice, apparently until you hurt someone she loves. 

“Do you know where she is?”

Ingrid takes a deep sip from her coffee. 

“I talked to Keira and Lucy last night, they took her back to their apartment, said she was practically catatonic and refused to speak to them, just cried and sat on their couch with Narla.”

It’s a sad image, the pit of guilt in Alexia’s stomach only seems to continue to grow the more information she’s fed.

“They live two blocks away from here, right?”

Ingrid nods hesitantly, with the confirmation Alexia is shooting out of her seat, rushing towards the door of Mapi and Ingrid’s apartment, Ingrid is far to tired and fed up with the whole situation to try and stop her, even with the negative feeling that’s pooling up in her gut, she figures Alexia is a big girl though, and if she’s going to make time to atone for her sins there's no time like the present. 

Alexia’s fast paced walk is fueled by one thing: fear. 

Fear she’s lost you forever, fear she’s made the biggest mistake in her life, fear that one stupid fucking kiss could be the end of her life as she knows it. 

It doesn’t take her very long to navigate her way through the Barcelona streets to Lucy’s apartment, Alexia and Barcelona are practically synonymous. 

She grew up on these streets, she knows them better than anything in the world, she knows them better than she knows you.

Which almost makes her hurl, at what point did her wife, her lover, her heart become somebody that she doesn’t know, when did you stop becoming her priority?

Find myself at your door

Just like all those times before

I’m not sure how I got here

All roads, they lead me here

I imagine you are home

In your room, all alone

And you open your eyes into mine

Everything feels better

Alexia somehow finds her way to Keira and Lucy’s apartment, she’s been her hundreds of times, team bonding, dinners, movie nights, coffee catch ups. Lucy and Keira are also two people who you heavily rely on, often Alexia’s innately grateful for the two of them, because she can always trust that whilst the two of you are separated for national duties that you are in good company. 

She knocks on the door, powerful, unyielding, confident. All things that Alexia is definitely not feeling. 

She waits a maximum of three seconds, before she’s met with a frazzled looking Keira, who is still dressed in her pyjamas and looks like she hasn’t slept a single bit. 

“Leave.”

Keira’s voice is scratchy, dry and weirdly fearful. 

“I need to talk to my wife.”

Alexia doesn’t know why she uses the honorific, she hardly ever refers to you as anything but your name, but it's some sort of safety blanket for herself, a reminder that technically, according to a piece of paper the two of you are still married. 

“Alexia, leave, she doesn’t want to see you and I don’t want you to get hurt when my girlfriend finds out you are here.”

Alexia grimaces at the thought of Lucy, who she knows will have far less restraint then Ingrid and Maria when it comes to defending your honour. 

She relents though, Alexia has walked out the door one too many times, she knows it, and she won’t allow this time to be just another time that Alexia’s failed to show up for you. 

“Keira, I won’t leave until I get to see her.”

Keira rakes her hand through the roots of her hair. 

“Look, she’s been torn up about what happened all night, didn’t catch a wink of sleep, neither did Luce or I because we were so worried that if we left her she’d jump off our balcony or do something stupid. I’m sure you didn’t sleep well either, so how about you come back tomorrow or something, when she’s feeling up to it.”

Alexia pities Keira just a little bit, it’s Alexia’s fault that she looks like shit, everything is Alexia’s fault. 

“Keira, please, I just need to see her, I know I fucked up, trust me, nobody knows it more than I do, I just need to see her, and apologise. You can kick me out afterwards, just please, let me say my peace.”

Keira’s jaw sets, and for a moment Alexia sees a different side to Keira, it scares her just a little bit. 

“I hardly think you deserve any of her time, you don’t deserve her time or forgiveness.”

Alexia is about to agree with Keira, but the both of them are silenced by a voice. 

“Kei, let her say what she has to say.”

And right before your eyes 

I’m breaking

No past, no reasons

Just you and I

Just the sight of you brings tears to Alexia’s eyes. 

There are big, puffy, red bags underneath your eyes, your makeup from the previous night smeared and mixed all over yourself.

You look so incredibly raw, like a piece of art, and it pains Alexia so much that she’s the reason for all of your pain, that her fucked up decisions have made you so broken. 

“We’re waiting.”

Alexia’s brain snaps into order, all of her thoughts circulating as she tries to articulate what she needs to say to you. 

This is the last time I’m asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye 

You find yourself at my door

Like all those times before

“Please, I know I fucked up last night. And it’s not the first time that I’ve put myself above you in the last little while, and you deserve better, you deserve so much better. But I do love you, I loved you enough to marry you, I loved you enough to make you a Putellas and I don’t regret that. I don’t love Jenni, I don’t want her, I don’t think about her like I think about you. I know, I broke your heart, a heart that I promised I would protect, that I’d care for. I know that I’ve asked too much of you, asked for you to forgive me of too much, you deserve better. Please, let this be the last time, I promise, I swear on my mothers life, that if you give me a chance, I will make this the last time. I know we’ve been here hundreds of times, and you have no reason to trust me, but please, give me a chance.”

Your facial expression doesn’t change, it’s spacey, sort of like you’re on a different wavelength.

Alexia’s toes are scuffing against the doormat, her hand resting on the door frame as she looks at you, with tears and desperation in her eyes. 

“Little while? Alexia the last time you told me you loved me when it wasn’t for cameras or show was two years ago. When we took the trip to Ibiza before your break out season started, as soon as the award started rolling in, I didn’t matter, how could I? I didn’t marry La Reina, I married Alexia Putellas Segura, the woman who loved me, you aren’t that person anymore.”

You wear your best apology

But I was there to watch you leave

And all the times I let you in

Just for you to go again

Disappear when you come back 

Everything is better

“Please, Y/n/n.”

Your face is unwavering, and for once Alexia doesn’t feel weak for being the one breaking down, it feels deserved, considering how many times the tables have been turned and you’ve broken down in front of Alexia because of her words and actions. 

“No, you do not get to show up here with some perfect fucking apology to try and worm your way back into my life. It’s not fair Alexia Putellas, because you know I love you, you know that I would follow you to the ends of the earth, you know that I would give up every single part of myself for you. But I have watched you walk out the door so many times, and every single time I’ve let you back in, I’ve let you disappear whenever its been most convenient for you and act like everything is fine when you return. I put up with that, because I am a good fucking wife and I love you, more than is healthy. You are my everything, you are my world, and I would have died knowing you didn’t love me as much, because loving you was enough for me. But knowing that you loved Jenni enough to give her something so sacred to me, it felt like you ripped my heart out of my chest and cut it to pieces in front of my eyes. The worst part is, I still fucking love you, you could kill a hundred people or move to Antarctica and it wouldn’t matter, because I love you, unconditionally and it hurts. So please, for me, walk away, because if you don’t I’ll forgive you, and then you’ll worm your way back into my life, and it’ll hurt even more because I’ll be going against my beliefs and wishes.”

And right before your eyes

I’m aching 

Run fast, nowhere to hide

Just you and me

Suddenly, tears are dripping down Alexia’s face, it hurts so bad to hear what you are saying, it feels like she’s being stabbed. 

Having you hate Alexia is one thing, but having you love her but ask her to leave is the worst possible thing. 

Alexia wants to runa way from the door, to leave you, leave this awkward fucking situation which Keira is directly in the middle of, but she can’t, not when your staring at Alexia like it’s physically hurting you to do so. 

This is the last time I’m asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye 

“Please just let this be the last time, let it be the last time I fuck up, let this be the last time I hurt you.”

Alexia’s voice is pleading, begging, hoping. 

“Sure, this is the last time you hurt me, this is the last time, because there won’t be any more times between us, we’re done Alexia.”

This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong

This is the last time I say it's been you all along

This is the last time I let you in my door

This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore

Alexia is balling now, big, wet, fat tears sloppily falling down her face as she processes the emotions and current conversation. 

“Alexia, it’s been you all along for me, and I was okay with that, even if it was painful, even if you could never reciprocate. But this is the last time I open my door to you, this is the last time you hurt me. So leave, please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

Alexia’s feet feel rooted to the floor, her toes curling into the doormat below her feet. 

“Alexia, leave, before we call security.”

It’s Lucy’s bigger body, now shielding you from Alexia that sends the order, and before Alexia can say anything more, the door of the apartment is slammed in her face, and she’s left standing in front of a white door, with tears streaming down her face as she mourns her marriage that’s slipped out from under her, all because she was fucking stupid. 

[clownbloody]

Who has the Snipers back when they have yours? Do you think he ever got scared alone?

(The quality is actually ass but that's because the images are too large and I had to use screenshots instead aha)

[cucuxumusu]

...a capitalist dog...

[spheresr4cubes]

"I'm with you, you're not alone."

From @forestfrolickingfairy78 's LU story request!