#OSCAR NOMINEE IM SO PROUD

[misalpav]

NAAAAAATU NAATU NAATU

OSCAR VACHE VARKU VERRI NAATU

[thefrsers]

CONGRATULATIONS CAITRIONA BALFE FOR BEING NOMINATED FOR GOLDEN GLOBES BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS & CRITIC CHOICE AWARDS BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS FOR HER PORTRAYL AS “MA” IN BELFAST(2021)

[luwritesomething]

i'm mad mike wasn't nominated for an oscar but im happy ariana is but i'm mad mike wasn't nominated but ariana is but i'm mad mike nor david were nominated but ariana is and the things so it goes and it goes and it goes....

[gretacelestegerwig]

Greta Gerwig just became (ONLY) the 5th woman to be recognized by the Academy with a nom for best director! She is also the fourth-youngest director ever nominated. ✨

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Omg can you write a fic where tom x black!reader actress wins an oscar and then tom proposes?

ALSO HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAYYYYY I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHH

STOPPPPPPP I LOVE YOU TOOOOO GOD YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY SO MUCHHH THANK YOUUU IT MEANS SO MUCH TO MEEEE

T.H| IDK WHAT TO CALL THIS

Summary: your a crybaby...oh my goddd! Lets say coronavirus isnt here..okie dokey

Warnings: boogerz (ewwwww) jk.

“And the nominees for best actress are” Harry styles smiled, taking out the paper and accidentally dropping it, a panicked face while he picked it up making everyone laugh a bit.

He cleared his throat again, fixing his tie before repeating himself “And the nominees for best actress are....Scarlet Johansson for black widow 2”

The camera showed her, and she gently waved with a wide smile on her face. “Margot robbie for suicide squad 2”

She bit her lip in eagerness at the camera, her eyebrows raising as she shifted in her seat.

“Viola davis for, how to get away with murder”

She put on a thoughtful smile, looking at her husband.

“And y/n y/l/n!”

Your mouth went agape and tom squeezed your hand, your brother, his wife, and your shared mother dancing in their seats embarrassing you, hiding and going slump in your seat making everyone laugh.

“Also i just wanted to let everyone know” he lifted his finger “y/n is my celebrity crush, always has been. Sorry tom”

Everyone started to giggle again “its fine!” He yelled back making everyone cackle while you laughed yourself.

The drums started, worry and excitement fillong your viens as tom held your hand tight, your brother putting his hands on your shoulders and saying “youre gonna get this. Youve worked so hard and we are so proud of you” and murmering praises as tom gave you kisses on your temple.

“And the winner is.....” harry said, pulling out the other card very, very, slowly.

Hahaha

You thought is was gonna be easy?

I know your drenched in your own sweat

Is it raining on your face yet?

METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS

METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS

METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS

METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS

METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS

METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS METAMORPHOSIS

Oop

Hahahahahaha

Megatron-

Love ya niki-

“The winner is... y/n”

Oh god.

You and tom stood, he pressed his lips hard against yours “you deserve it, so much” you bit your lip and everyone slightly patted your back, your brother a little to hard but tom told you to get your prize, darling.

And zendaya got up to walk you, viola with a smile on her face as she wrapped her arm around yours, walking you down. “I love you so much, god im so proud of you” she smiled, giving you a hug, her face in your neck and you both rocked side to side.

Harry was a little to excited to see you, taking your hand when you let zendaya go and helping you up the steps muttering a playful call me making you giggle, then he handed you your award “one second!” He said in the mic, taking a tiara and placing it on your head. “There ya go”

Again some giggles, you stood infront of the mic, looking around and taking it all in. “Thank you all, so so much. I-uh never wouldve thought id get this today, to be able to hold this” you raised it a bit. “But i want to thank some people, my mom”

Of course she was crying.

“My brother”

He did a dance, a weird one.

“My acting coach, keanu reeves, and many of you in here, thank you for being who you are to make me who i wanted to be, to be who i am, thank you”

Abd like that it was over, everyone clapping and shouting your welcomes before tom stood, flattening his tuxedo before doing a light jog, now onto full on running “one-one second!” He shouted into the mic when he got there, harsh breathes leaving his lips.

“I have something to say, y/n youve made me so happy in these years that ive been with you, weve made it so far and i cant see myself without you...like at all”

Everyone shared a couple laughs.

“I know weve shared a couple moments, embarrassing ones. Like when i ripped my pants and bird poop landed in my hair so we had to run into the public restroom to rinse it out, then you burned me”

“It was an accident, i couldnt tell which one was hot and cold” you glared at him, everyone laughing again.

“But thats besides the point, what i wanna say is-“ he put the mic down, taking both of your hands and pulling you from infront of the stance, letting everyone see you both as he slowly got on his knees.

Harry grabbed the mic again, squating next to tom and putting the mic to his lips “you forgot mate” he muttered “will you marry me?” Tears fell down your face as you nodded your head, like the idiot he is he forgot to take out the ring but he did, a big shiny one.

Diamond specks everywhere, it was beautiful. Tears strolled down your cheeks as he slided the ring on, then standing up and lifting you from the ground, a salty kiss shared.

Harry stood and walked back to his spot, joining everyone clapping their hands after tom took the mic, still holding you he shouted “IM GETTING MARRIED!”

The crowd roared with claps, everyone standing and men shouting “WOO”, pumping their fists in the air. You both are so happy!!

[slowly-writing]

Break a Leg

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word count: 1.2K

Part two

Requested by anon: Hey could I request a Wanda maximoff dating a famous actress x fem reader who's her girlfriend for three years and Wanda watches her movies and shows and absolutely loves it even tho at first she didn't get her love for acting but now she does as she sees how happy you are with it? And maybe y/n is in an interview and the entire avengers are watching and they ask abt Wanda and what's it like being her girlfriend and if she misses her when she's on missions and y/n is flustered a lot,just fluff!

“Tony did what?” you’re gasping for breath, trying to contain your laughter as Wanda tells you about her day.

“He lit his sleeve on fire. He didn’t even notice until one of his robots was spraying him with a fire extinguisher.” You’re wiping tears from your eyes as someone knocks on the door, entering before you can respond.

“Miss y/l/n, we’re ready for you in makeup,” a young guy with a clipboard tells you and you nod.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” you wait for him to leave before picking up your phone from the couch next to you and taking it off speaker. “Alright my love, I gotta go.”

“Noooooo, I don’t want you to go yet,” Wanda whines and you can’t help but share her feelings.

“I know. I miss you too, but I just have a few more interviews to finish up and then I’m flying home tomorrow night,” you promise and she sighs.

“Fine. I really can’t wait until you come home. The team is having a viewing party for your interview tonight,” you laugh at the thought of the avengers taking time out of their day to watch you talk about a movie they’ve all heard you talking about since you auditioned.

“Way to make me nervous,” she laughs and you can almost hear her eye roll through the phone. “Okay, I really have to go now. I love you so much, I’ll call you in the morning.”

“I love you too. Break a leg tonight.”

xxxxx

“For my next guest I have two time Oscar nominee and leading lady of the upcoming movie, Phantom Zone. Please welcome, y/n y/l/n!” you hear the crowd applauding and you take a deep breath before walking out onto the stage. The lights are bright and the only thing going through your head as you wave to the audience is “Please don’t trip. Please don’t trip. Please don’t trip.” You really don’t need to take Wanda’s wish of good luck literally and end up on crutches. Luckily you make it across the floor in one piece and greet the host before sitting down.

“So y/n, you’ve come a long way for such a young actress. Why don’t you tell us a bit about your new movie,” the host starts and you go back and forth with the normal questions. With this being the second to last day of your press tour you’ve lost count of how many interviews you’ve had. You could answer these questions in your sleep, so you go through the motions until the host throws you for a loop with a more personal question.

“So y/n, you’ve been seen spending quite a bit of time in New York with a certain witch. Care to comment on that?” the host asks and you chuckle. You can feel your cheeks heating up and the knowledge that your face is bright red on live television only makes you blush more.

“What do you want to know?” you shoot back and he laughs, glad that you didn’t refuse to answer.

“Why don’t we start with how you two met,” he suggests and you nod. You’ve never commented much on your relationship but after three years you and Wanda decided you’re alright with the world knowing a bit more about you.

“It was a bit over three years ago now, I was staying in New York between filming seasons of Walking Dead. I was in central park enjoying the weather and Wanda just walked right up to me, I freaked out a bit. I was meeting my favorite superhero, it was quite a shock. She had no idea who I was at that time which was a nice change of pace. She was beyond lost so I helped her find her way out of the park and the rest is history.”

“She didn’t know who you were? You’re kidding, right?” he asks and you laugh with him before responding.

“Trust me, I was a little shocked too. I try to stay humble, but I was also a cocky nineteen year old. It was a week before the Oscars and I was nominated for best supporting actress. I thought everyone knew who I was. Don’t tell her I told you this, but her having never heard of any of my movies was probably a really good ego check for me,” you lean in as if it's a secret and he pretends to zip his lips.

“Your secret is safe with me. Though if she’s watching this, I am not responsible.”

“Oh she definitely is. I talked to her earlier, they’re having a viewing party at the Avenger’s compound,” you say and his eyes widen.

“The avengers are watching my show,” you can’t tell if his shock is real or not, so you try to hold back your laughter as you nod. “Does that not intimidate you even a little?”

“I mean no, not really. Trust me, when Wanda introduced me to the team I thought I was gonna pass out, but after you’ve seen them scream at each other over a 2am monopoly game in their pajamas the intimidation wears off,” you say with a smile.

“That would definitely make them seem less scary. Has Wanda seen your movies now?” he asks and you groan.

“Yes. She made me watch them all with her. Don’t get me wrong, I love the stuff I was in. If I wasn’t in them I’d probably binge them on repeat, but something about sitting in a living room watching yourself on a screen is just awkward. I love premiers even watching it in theaters can be fun, but I don’t enjoy watching them alone. That one scene in walking dead made her cry though. I was pretty proud of that acting, plus the zombie makeup was fun,” you’re referring to when your character was killed off a few seasons back. The fact that you were able to make her cry over “your” death while sitting right next to her was pretty cool. “She goes to all the premieres and viewing parties with me now, so she sees it all.”

“I can see how that could be uncomfortable, but I’m glad you made it through. Now you better not break her heart, that team of her’s will come after you,” he says and you roll your eyes.

“Oh please, I would never. I’m gonna marry that girl one day,” you say and the audience  let’s out a collective “awwwwww.”

“On that note we are unfortunately out of time. Thank you so much for being here tonight, Phantom Zone is in theaters October 18th!” The host calls. You wave at the camera until a crew member yells clear, then you say goodbye to the host and make your way back to your dressing room. Little do you know as that’s happening Wanda is sitting on the couch back in New York, cheeks bright red and a smile on her face. At your final words she makes a decision. It’s time for the ring in her nightstand to leave the drawer and go onto your finger.

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @im-salt-but-not-salty @5aftermidnight @riotmaximoff

[storm-lee]

✎ 「 did you see those pap pics of STORM LEE ?? the TWENTY FIVE year old DIRECTOR is nothing but trouble. all the tabloids say that they’re +FRIENDLY, but can sometimes be -ODD, & their latest headline [ ’ PRODIGIOUS DIRECTOR COUNTERS THEIR NUDES LEAKING BY POSTING MORE THEMSELVES ’ ] isn’t exactly painting them in the best light. but who knows ?? maybe THEY will finally learn how to keep THEIR messy sh*t private !! || KIM BYEONGKWAN , WES ANDERSON+BO BURNHAM (DIRECTING CREDIT) 」||

CHARACTER NUMBER TWO LETS SEE IF THIS IS MORE COHERENT THAN JESSE’S LETS GO

tw bullying

born and raised in Hackensack, New Jersey to a korean immigrant doctor mother and a first generation american local news camera operator

grew up speaking both korean and english at home

was always a “gifted child” in school (aka now has perfectionism issues because of it)

but was always kind of the weird kid, too

like quoted movies constantly, wanted to play pretend more than anything, was kind of like a hyperactive luna lovegood growing up

got bullied a lot for it, but they somehow managed to keep the majority of their personality in tact

they broke even more out of their shell when they discovered that people could be?? not?? a boy or girl?? They found the “agender” label and fucking SOARED in the “im just gonna be myself fuck you” mentality

they chose the name “Storm” during their edgy teenage phase because they thought storms were “beautiful alluring and dangerous”. Now, they know how cringey that sounded, but they still love their name. They love watching lightning, so it still fits.

when they were fourteen, they entered a small film competition with their friends because they were bored, but they discovered that they truly loved directing? And judging by their friend’s reaction, they were good at it? Since they kept telling them what to do and adjusting the acting and yet they still loved working with them? They got third place out of twenty nominees, but it was too late; Storm was hooked on filmmaking.

They kept making little films until they were eighteen and wanted to make a film that, you know, actually portrayed kids how they were in real life? So they entered their ten minute film, simply called “Eighth Grade” into a bigger short film festival in New York.

Little did they know there was a millionaire in the audience and fell in love with their film, saying it reminded her of her own thirteen year old. She said she would contribute two million dollars to Storm for them to make a full length version of the movie. Storm would’ve been an idiot to turn her down, so they said yes and got to work. (this could totally be a connection somehow, like this millionaire could be your characters mom or something lol)

this film turned into the full length “Eighth Grade” and won every indie film festival it was entered into, praised for its raw uncensored look into what being thirteen is like in this day and age. Storm was being named “the voice of the young generation”. Storm was just honored to have people like their film so much.

but THAT was the stepping stone. Now, they were a name that producers recognized as “the young director”. They were hired to do a film called “Rushmore,” which was a start into their more quirky side, but not full on yet; it was still a bit of a low budget production.

For that film they were nominated for the golden globe for best film/comedy. They didn’t win, but there was still tons of buzz for a twenty year old directing a film that huge and that well received.

Then, there was the big one. Finally, a film that Storm could go full quirk and high contrasting color while also using their uncanny ability to, even stylized, capture how children thought. They directed Moonrise Kingdom, and it EXPLODED.

They took home the golden globe for best film comedy and the Oscar for Best Director, the youngest to even be nominated for the honor, let alone win.

Now they appear to be on a roll, directing a bunch of fun if not somewhat weird films and just fine tuning their craft more and more.

They even went through a period directing animated movies, and even though they're SUPER proud of the ones they helped create, they realized they preferred live action.

The magazines love making fun of them for being the “weirdo” of the directing community, but they dealt with worse bullies in middle school, tabloids needed to step up their game, thirteen year olds were WAY better at bringing them down than the tabloids were.

Theyre a HUGE advocate for body positivity, and love playing the extremes between masculinity and femininity. They love having some very feminine facial features like their eyes and full lips, but then has an incredibly muscular physique set with a six pack (they love the gym). Because they have no gender, they don’t feel confined to which side of them is more “beautiful.” They always try to encourage people to embrace all sides of themselves, gender affirming or not.

Pansexual with a slight andro lean, and also very sex positive.

When their nudes leaked and the tabloids went to TOWN on Storm, they released more on their own accord so the media would lose all ammunition; Storm figured they hadn’t done anything wrong, so why should they be getting all this shit? Plus, they knew they looked good

Most of the time will have their short hair in some form of pigtails, just because they think it’s cute and also plays into the whole “young director” label that got them to be in the INCREDIBLY happy place their in in their life.

even though they’re proud of their accomplishments, like 100%, they’re not really comfortable being called a “prodigy”. They’re a confident individual, but their response is always “I’m just a young person who happens to love movies, nothing prodigal about that.

OH GOOD ITS LIKE TWICE AS LONG AS JESSES RIP IM SO SORRY THANK YOU FOR READING THIS MONSTER IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR honestly wouldnt blame you if you skimmed XD

[rossmccallsqueen]

A Night of Dreams (Ben Hardy Imagine)

 Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summary: You are nominated for Best Actress at the Oscars, and you knew it was going to be one of the best nights of your life. 

Word Count: 1.4K

Warnings: None, just fluff!

Requested: Yes! By the lovely @kellysimagines :)

You had dreamed of attending the Oscars since you were a little girl. When you’d told your parents that you wanted to be an actress they were a little skeptical because it wasn’t exactly the most stable profession in the world. However they knew it made you happy, and tonight you were walking the red carpet at the Oscars. It was crazy how life turned out sometimes when you thought about it really.

To make it even better, you were going with your boyfriend Ben and the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody. You were nominated for Best Actress (one of the youngest people ever to be nominated) and it was the same year that Ben was going to. The universe seemed to be looking out for you a little bit.

“Come on love, we’re just about ready to go,” Ben yelled to you from the hallway.

You were just admiring your dress in the mirror one more time. You’d never been to something this huge before, and you were freaking out a little bit. But you looked absolutely gorgeous and the dress made you feel incredible. It kind of made you feel invincible, like a superhero.

“Dang Y/N look at you!” Joe said as soon as you walked into the hallway.

“Oi mate watch yourself,” Ben said, but you could tell he was laughing a little bit before he said it.

“You really do look stunning Y/N.” Lucy always came in to save the day. You had known her since you guys were little kids, so this really was a dream come true for the two of you. Rami was nominated for best actor, so you knew that this was going to be a crazy night.

You had a little bit of a limo ride before you actually made it to the Oscars, so the lot of you climbed in. Of course you sat next to Ben, but only after you made Gwil and Joe climb into the back.

“But I don’t want to get in the back!”

“Do you wanna go to the Oscars or not Joe?” You asked, and you desperately tried to say it without laughing.

“OKAY FINE.” Gwil rolled his eyes and helped Joe into the backseat with him. You could always count on Joe to make you laugh when you needed it. The whole ride over, Ben didn’t let go of your hand the whole time. He would look at you every so often and smile. You didn’t know who was more proud, you or him for the other person. It was just the little moments like this one that made nights like the Oscars really special, you thought. .

Gotta love LA traffic though, because your ride to the Oscars took a lot longer than you thought it would. So much so that Gwil had literally fallen asleep in the backseat on Joe’s shoulder.

“Hey guys, mind giving me a little help here?”

“I think you brought that on yourself Joseph.” Lucy said from the front seat.

“YOU GUYS MADE ME SIT BACK HERE!” You didn’t want Joe to see that you were laughing but you couldn’t help it.

“Fine, If you guys aren’t going to help me then I’m going to film him. It may or may not end up on Instagram.”

“Sounds like Gwil had it coming. He knows that we’re together.” Ben commented. You were going to say Joe was with Cardy B, but you just smiled instead. The nerves were starting to set in that you were actually going to one of the biggest award shows in the world and you were nominated. Your boyfriends movie was nominated. Ben seemed to take notice and squeezed your hand tightly.

He gave you a reassuring look, you’d done red carpets before and you’d gotten through them just fine. Plus you had Ben, Lucy, and your friends with you this time.

“I’m so proud of you to love. I really am.” Ben whispered to you. You felt him kiss your cheek and so many of the nerves seemed to wash away.

“I’m proud of you too Ben.”

“Best actress though? You deserve the attention tonight, not me.” This time he gave you a real kiss. The kind of kiss you felt all the way down to your toes, the kind he gave you when he wanted you to know how much he loved you. When he pulled apart from you, he rested his forehead against yours. The whole world could have been watching but it felt like just the two of you.

“Alright everyone, here we go.” The driver said to everyone and one by one you slowly got out of the car. Rami and Lucy got out first, followed by you and Ben, followed by Joe, Gwil, and Allen. The red carpet seemed to go by in a blur. There were so many cameras and people asking you questions, if it weren’t for Ben you had no idea how you would have made it. He held your hand the whole time and it helped that they kept interviewing you and Rami together.

There were so many people to talk to you literally didn’t even remember making it to your seat. You and Ben were seated with Lucy and Rami, all the way down in the front. It was just incredible to be in the same room as so many other talented people. You had grown up watching the Oscars with Lucy every year, and now you were here.

“Remember when we used to sit on your couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s to ourselves watching these every year?” Lucy whispered over to you.

“Yeah, and you would always try to steal some of mine because you said you had to taste test!”

“Hey that was one time and it was true! It was important to try both.”

“Too bad we don’t have any now, I’m starving!” You’d always heard they didn’t feed you at these things, but it was definitely true. Award after award was announced, and the closer it got to you the more insane things felt.

“You’re up next babe.” Ben squeezed your hand one more time. You could hear them reading off the names of the nominees and you heard yours called. For a minute, it felt like it wasn’t your name. It was like you were watching from somewhere else.

“And the winner is… Y/N Y/L/N!” It took you a minute to absorb the fact that they’d said your name. Ben picked you up and swung you around, giving you a kiss. Rami and Lucy gave you a hug as well, and all of a sudden you were holding an Oscar in your hand. You thanked everyone you could possibly think of and just looked at Ben the whole time. It was still like you were the only two in the room.

The rest of the night felt like whirlwind, with interviews and pictures happening left and right. Soon after Rami joined you in the press room since you’d both won your nominations. Rami held his Oscar up next to yours, and you did a cheers type of thing.

“Y/N! RAMI! THIS WAY!” Another photographer yelled. Ben and Lucy were with you now, and they were just a little ways away from you. They were getting interviewed as well, and you noticed that Ben hadn’t stopped smiling since you’d won. It all felt like a dream you never wanted to wake up from.

“So Ben, Lucy, how proud are you tonight?”

“You couldn’t find two more proud people right now. They both worked so hard, and they deserve all the praise they get.” Ben told them.

“Trust us, they’ll never hear the end of it.” Lucy winked at Rami. All you wanted to do was spend time with Ben, and your friends. It was huge moments like this one that made you want to freeze time and just enjoy it a little longer. Somehow the stars had aligned just right, and here you were holding an Oscar, a beautiful supportive man by your side, and the best friends you could ask for. This really was something out of a dream.

------

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[cancerousjojian]

award shows | timothée chalamet

anonymous asked: can i request something w timmo: the two of u at the oscars, he’s super nervous bc there’s been so much talk about how he’ll Defs win it & he’s like but i probably won’t like im talking super super nervous all his lil ticks appearing -brushing his hair back even when its already behind his ear, the nervous laugh, twitchy fingers N U JUST MELT, pull him aside for a pep talk and he just stares at u for a bit n tells u he loves u for the first time eeeee (& mayb he wins and thanks u in his speech)

a/n: this is a really good idea and i’m mad i didn’t come up with it myself lol. anyway i hope you enjoy!

warnings: implied smut at the end because i got carried away whoops

words: 951

If it weren’t for the blasting air conditioning in the chill-inducing theater, Timothée would be soaked in sweat from his nerves. There was already a thin sheen of perspiration on his forehead from when he was outside just moments ago — doing interviews and walking the red carpet with you by his side. He was lucky to have you there with him, he thought to himself. You provided a comforting shoulder to lean on when his hands shook and his voice wavered with jitters.

He was nervous, to say the absolute least.

You sat at your assigned seat with him, waiting for the show to begin. You felt incredibly proud of your boyfriend, you felt his Oscar nomination for best actor was more than deserved. The media had been buzzing with rumors that he was guaranteed a win which only made Timothée more nervous. On the way to the carpet, he went over a speech in his head over a dozen times you counted. You could understand where he was coming from, being quite a new face in the business and with so many eyes on him already. You could only imagine the stress he was under, especially since he perceived himself as just a regular guy from New York.

His hand was shaking as he brought a glass of ice water to his lips. You felt his foot tapping beneath the table and couldn’t help but find his high-strung energy quite charming. “You okay?” You asked him, setting your hand on his shoulder. He relaxed under your touch, his shuttered eyes looking into yours. Timothée laid a shaky hand on your knee, swallowed hard, and nodded. You could tell from his behavior that he was still neurotic as ever.

You sighed, willing him to calm down with the rubbing of his back with your right hand. He offered you a coy smile and silently thanked you. “Hey,” you said, leaning into him. “It’s going to be okay. Everyone in this room is rooting for you, especially me. You’re Timothée Chalamet! You’ve got this.” You held both of his hands in yours as he listened to your words of encouragement intently.

“Really? God, I can’t help but be so nervous.” He replied.

“That’s normal, Timmy. I’m sure even the best of best still get shook up at award shows. Win or lose, at the end of the day you still have me and everyone who supports you.” Something in his eyes shifted, he gave your hands a small squeeze in his lap.

He exhaled the tense nature he’d been holding onto all this time. “Thank you, seriously, it means so much,” he spoke softly. Your heart skipped a beat when he grinned at you. “I love you.”

You swore your heart nearly stopped completely. All of the people in the large, highly decorated room seemed to cease to exist in that moment, as cheesy as it was. A chill ran up your spine, “I love you too.”

When the lights lowered and the teleprompter turned on, it was time for the show to begin. Your boyfriend nodded over at you and you leaned your leg to touch his under the table; a way to let him know you were still there.

Finally, towards the end of the night, Timothée had began to relax fully, enjoying himself and the show, clapping for his favorite actors and cheering on the newer ones. He’d almost completely forgotten what he was even nervous about — that was until it was announced that they were to begin awarding best actor and best actress.

His hand instinctively found yours with a grip so tight his slender knuckles turned white. The nominees were read out, and you could feel Timothée’s off breaths. His name for Call Me By Your Name was read off the list of nominees, sending his anxiety off the charts.

The simple words ‘and the Oscar goes to...’ spoken out loud were enough to make both you and your boyfriend hold your breath. When his name was announced as the winner, you beamed at him and stood up to clap. He pecked a quick but passionate kiss to your lips before going onstage to receive his award. An overwhelming amount of pride rushed over you and you were sure Timmy felt the same of himself. As you watched his lanky, lovable self walk up stage, you felt genuine happiness, as you usually did when you were in his presence.

You watched from your seat as the roar of applause died down so he could give a speech. He started off by saying how crazy he was to win an Oscar and how important the movie is to society, then he threw in the obligatory “you’re probably all thinking, who is this guy?” before he started the thanking portion of his speech. He thanked his parents, his directors, people he felt were vital to his success. When you heard him thank you, you smiled at him from your seat and blew him a subtle kiss, even winked at him. “I want to thank my lovely girlfriend for basically telling me to suck it up when I doubt myself.” He said, a small chuckle exciting the crowd.

He joined you back at your table where you greeted him with a long lasting kiss. “Congrats, Mr. Chalamet.” You said, earning a look from him.

“Couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Hmm,” you hummed and pressed another firm kiss on his lips. “How are we gonna celebrate your award?” You grinned slyly, and he knew exactly what you were alluding to.

Timothée’s eyes widened, becoming hazy. He merely laid his hand upon yours, “That’s to be determined later, babe.”

[connormurphy98]

Im full on sobbing over these. I am so beyond proud of Mike. Future Oscar Nominee

EVERYBODY CHEER FOR FUTURE OSCAR NOMINEE MIKE FAIST

[1995lahaine]

poc esp black people don’t have to “accept progress whenever you you see it” if it means their contributions are devalued. no one is demonizing emma. criticism & requests for nuance aren’t demonizations. a black man has never won best director so jordan being nominated/considered a front runner was huge. for emma to dismiss that in the name of identity politics is upsetting. for 2 to post about how poc just need 2 calm down, stop being boring etc when they’re giving valid criticism is yikes

never said anything about valid criticism (bc yeah, we should be talking about how men of colour and even more so women of colour are underrepresented on screen and behind the camera), i mean more that i’ve literally seen people saying emma should die or never even dare to speak out about women’s rights.

im not here to devalue jordan’s achievments. im immensely proud, happy, and relieved that he won best director. there should have been more discussion around the fact that he, as a black man, and gdt, as a latino man, were groundbreaking nominees in other areas, but hollywood is currently preoccupying itself with women’s rights. that’s not to say that the ignorance is necessarily a good thing, but it is ignorance that again, is not emma stone’s fault.

 no one was going to write a quip for emma stone to make about race, especially not when the running theme of the oscars was the me too movement. criticise her point and be vocal about the whiteness of hollywood, be angry, because god knows we need it. i never meant to say that poc should calm down, so i apologise for that. but dont go round saying a woman should never open her mouth about women’s rights bc it’s just an acceptable way for people to exercise their sexism these days.

[newshirtonlines-blog]

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Classic Men's Tonight’s annual CFDA Awards ended Im Speaking 2020 Vice President Debate Quote T-Shirt .  with Jennifer Lopez receiving a trophy for Fashion Icon. The honor suggests a natural sense of style, an instinct for risk-taking, and a sincere love of fashion’s transformative powers, but Lopez didn’t take much credit. She allotted most of her speech to talking about the people who have helped shape her look along the way, starting with Andrea Lieberman, who styled Lopez way back in the ’90s (and was responsible for that plunging green Versace dress—the very one, as Tom Ford pointed out as he presented Lopez with the award, that inspired Google to launch Google Images). She spoke about her current stylist team, Rob Zangardi and Mariel Haenn; her late beauty heroes, Kevyn Aucoin and Oribe (she tearfully dedicated this award to them); the neighbors she grew up with in the Bronx who introduced her to hip-hop; the many designers who have collaborated with her, from Oscar de la Renta to Ralph Lauren to Ford; and her fiancé, Alex Rodriguez, his children, and her children—whom she said “make me feel like the most beautiful person in the world just for being loved.”It was a moving finale for a night that celebrated fashion’s past and future in equal measure. If you couldn’t be there, we’ve included the full transcription of Lopez’s speech below; catch up on all of our CFDA Awards coverage here.“Tom, thank you for those beautiful words…. I’ve respected you so much for such a long time, for your immense talent and creativity and your ability to reinvent. Like everyone here, I followed you through Gucci and YSL to …. You’ve really made it a powerhouse, and I know in our house, Alex couldn’t survive without you. I’d like to think it was me that he can’t live without, but it’s you! You Can See More Product: https://luxuryt-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article

[luxuryt-shirt]

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The night’s feel-good Im Speaking 2020 Vice President Debate Quote T-Shirt . prize went to Womenswear winner Brandon Maxwell, whose own achievement was costuming Lady Gaga’s four fabulous costume changes on the Met Gala’s pink carpet. Thanking the other nominees in his category, he said, “I am so proud to be part of an industry like this, charged with the idea of making someone feel good.” Maxwell mentioned recent headlines asking, “Is New York relevant? and “Does it matter?” He was emphatic: “Yes, it does,” he said. “We all cleaned up for tonight, but the 364 other days of the year we are trying to pay the light bill and make it happen…. The American dream matters, through hard work you can achieve anything.” Inspiring words for next year’s awards. Im Speaking 2020 Vice President Debate Quote T-Shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

Classic Men's Tonight’s annual CFDA Awards ended Im Speaking 2020 Vice President Debate Quote T-Shirt .  with Jennifer Lopez receiving a trophy for Fashion Icon. The honor suggests a natural sense of style, an instinct for risk-taking, and a sincere love of fashion’s transformative powers, but Lopez didn’t take much credit. She allotted most of her speech to talking about the people who have helped shape her look along the way, starting with Andrea Lieberman, who styled Lopez way back in the ’90s (and was responsible for that plunging green Versace dress—the very one, as Tom Ford pointed out as he presented Lopez with the award, that inspired Google to launch Google Images). She spoke about her current stylist team, Rob Zangardi and Mariel Haenn; her late beauty heroes, Kevyn Aucoin and Oribe (she tearfully dedicated this award to them); the neighbors she grew up with in the Bronx who introduced her to hip-hop; the many designers who have collaborated with her, from Oscar de la Renta to Ralph Lauren to Ford; and her fiancé, Alex Rodriguez, his children, and her children—whom she said “make me feel like the most beautiful person in the world just for being loved.”It was a moving finale for a night that celebrated fashion’s past and future in equal measure. If you couldn’t be there, we’ve included the full transcription of Lopez’s speech below; catch up on all of our CFDA Awards coverage here.“Tom, thank you for those beautiful words…. I’ve respected you so much for such a long time, for your immense talent and creativity and your ability to reinvent. Like everyone here, I followed you through Gucci and YSL to …. You’ve really made it a powerhouse, and I know in our house, Alex couldn’t survive without you. I’d like to think it was me that he can’t live without, but it’s you! You Can See More Product: https://luxuryt-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article

[pancakpop]

Congratulations | GOT7 Reactions

Mark Tuan

The Tony Awards. Mark watched you jump around in your seat due to the excitement. You were currently on your private bus, heading to the Tony Awards. Laughing at your actions, he took out his phone and recorded you.

“Aw... Look at how cute my baby is.” Once you saw him recording you with a smile on his face, you threw a pillow at him, causing him to laugh even more. You caused him to surrender into his childish ways so he stopped recording and threw the pillow back at you, his laughter never stopped thanks to the fact that the pillow hit you.

After your short pillow fight, Mark held your hand and looked into your eyes lovingly.

“I can tell today is going to be a great day, you’re going to win that award.”

Im Jaebum

The MTV Awards. A few days after the award show, Jaebum left you in the U.S and went back home to South Korea. Though he wanted to stay with you a little longer, he had to finish his own work before he thought about staying in a different country for awhile.

Currently having an interview, his interviewer asked him, “so what happened when you went to the states?” Jaebum couldn’t help laughing before responding.

“My lover... (Y/N) was nominated for an MTV award, and won the award for Best New Artist. When (Y/N)’s name was called out, she/he couldn’t stop crying. She/he could hardly say her/his acceptance speech because of how much she/he cried. But I can’t honestly say that I’ve never been so proud before. After all those long talks; (Y/N) telling me that she/he was ready to give up her/his dream, crying her/himself to sleep due to the stress, I’m so happy that their hard work had finally paid off. And I’m completely sure the award she/he won will not be the last.”

Jackson Wang

The Grammy Awards. You sat next to Jackson backstage. You had won the album of the year award and you swore Jackson was more emotional than you. When they announced you as the winner, Jackson jumped up and started to cry as he hugged everyone around him. For a moment, you believed that he won the award instead of you. As you went on stage to accept your award, Jackson cried even more when you mentioned his name in your speech.

Now that you were backstage with your award, Jackson wouldn’t stop taking pictures of you and posting onto his social media pages. It was almost like he was bragging about your success.

“Jackson enough. It’s just an award.” You laughed. He gasped and placed his hand over his chest.

“Just an award? This is your first ever Grammy Award, this is a huge accomplishment. You should be just as proud of yourself as I am of you.”

Park Jinyoung

The Oscars. You were sitting in the audience with Jinyoung, waiting patiently for the promo of the movie you starred in to be aired for the first time. Once the promo began, you watched Jinyoung to see his reactions.

At first, he had a poker face; it didn’t seem like he loved it or hated it. It wasn’t until the promo was halfway done where he began so show some emotions. Once he finally had an idea about the plot, he was beginning to feel sad, which was good since your movie was a drama.

Towards the end of your promo, you watched as Jinyoung’s heart broke when your character was laying in the hospital bed due to a gunshot wound. When the promo was over, Jinyoung looked at you as if he just found out your darkest secret.

“When were you going to tell me that you are an amazing actor/actress?”

Choi Youngjae

The BET Awards. Youngjae was sitting in the audience with your family and close friends, waiting anxiously for you to perform. You were performing a song about things you’ve experienced/witnessed when it came to racism. When the beat to your song dropped, Youngjae was the first one to raise to his feet, clapping and cheering. Once you finally appeared on stage, he sat back down and watched your performance closely. 

He was in awe when he laid his eyes onto you. Not only because you looked amazing on stage, but also because you performed a song with a powerful message. Nodding his head to the music, Youngjae smiled at the reaction the crowd was giving you. But it was the very last line of your song that really moved the crowd to their feet.

“You want equal rights, but you can’t figure out how to act right, when someone different walks into your sight.”

Of course, Youngjae was apart of the standing ovation. A few tears of joy began to fall from his eyes as he watched you leave the stage. He knew how much this performance meant to you, so for you to get such a positive reaction made him so happy and proud.

Bambam

The CFDA Fashion Awards. You, a well known designer, was nominated for five awards. You and Bambam walked towards the CFDA Fashion Awards’ background to do a quick interview before leaving the red carpet to find your seats inside.

“Let’s start off with you (Y/N)... How are you feeling about tonight?” Asked the interviewer.

“I’m feeling very confident about tonight. I’m looking around and I see all the signs from people who supports me and my work, people wearing my products, people screaming they love me. As a designer... It makes me want to work harder.”

Bambam smiled at you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him. 

“And what about you Bambam? How are you feeling?”

“I’m feel happy. (Y/N) got the call saying she/he was a nominee for some awards back in Korea. When she/he told me, I swear I was more excited than her/him. (Y/N) was calm while I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I’m so proud of (Y/N). Even if she/he doesn’t win an award today, I’ll still be so proud of her/him.”

Kim Yugyeom

The Billboard Awards. You weren’t nominated for an award, though you were hosting the event. Yugyeom loved how you broke down the third wall and interacted with the crowd, he loved how hype you got them. When there was an artist performing on stage, Yugyeom paid no mind to them. His eyes were glued on you dancing on the sidelines. He laughed and danced in his seat to the music.

The show was ending and it was time for you to give your closing speech.

“And lastly, I want to give a special thanks to my boyfriend Yugyeom. He came all the way from South Korea to support me. Everyone give him a round of applause.” You first said it in English, then Korean, causing him to lower his head as he blushed in embarrassment.

“I love you Yugyeom.” He picked up his head and smiled at you, mouthing the words back to you.

This was supposed to be posted a LONG time ago, but some bs happened. I had one one more member to write for, when my laptop died and everything deleted. I was so mad that I wanted to pretend that this asked never existed. But then I was like, “nah lemme stop playing.”

-Sariyah

[theworstbob]

every grammy for record of the year settled

another installment of what is slowly becoming a series of me pointing at things i’m mostly okay with and making simple jokes instead of writing actual things. i have six rough drafts of fictional shorts i said i wanted to post by the end of january and now its february 11th and fuck, dude, but this is so much easier!

1959 "Catch a Falling Star," by Perry Como "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)," by David Seville "Fever," by Peggy Lee "Witchcraft," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)," by Domenico Modugno

This field actually sets the tone for all the future Grammy categories to come. There's 2 songs that are really fucking good, there's one person who's here because they have a reputation as a person who is popular, there's some fucking awful bullshit that we're only going to remember in five years because it's, y'know, fucking awful bullshit, and then the winner is some obscure nonsense that sort of renders the whole operation moot, like if in 2007 the Oscar for Best Picture went to Chumscrubber, or if the Falcons won the Super Bowl. Peggy Lee/Frank Sinatra : Beyonce/Rihanna+Drake :: Perry Como : Adele, David Seville : Lukas Graham :: Domenico Modugno : twenty one pilots.

Yeah the winner is "Fever." I'm not looking to re-invent the wheel here, the best song of these five is "Fever," like are you kidding me, "Fever." "Fever," guys. "Catch a Falling Star" is a relic of an era where all we wanted from male pop stars was for them to be a gentle father in a sweater to say he's proud of us, "Witchcraft" goes but its only failure is that it's not "Fever," hahaha they actually thought "The Chipmunk Song" would stand the test of time, and "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)?" Fuck outta here, "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)." I have nothing to say to you. What are you? I don't care. You're not "Fever." Also I immediately regret this exercise because now I'm just angry I'm alive in era where songs don't have horn sections. Someone give me a big band cover of "Closer." Yeah I know Postmodern Jukebox did "Closer" BUT THEY DIDN'T DO IT THE WAY I WANTED. DO IT AGAIN.

TRUE ENDING: "Fever"

1960 "A Fool Such as I," by Elvis Presley "High Hopes," by Frank Sinatra "Like Young," by Andre Previn "The Three Bells," by The Browns WINNER: "Mack the Knife," by Bobby Darin

Im going to give Andre Previn a shitton of extra credit here for apparently naming his album Secret Songs for Young Lovers, which is a simply killer album title. Like I think only Mitski's Bury Me at Makeout Creek can stand up to that title. I'm also giving it extra credit for being an instrumental, that's just refreshing. It still only adds up to a strong second, I'm not here to be contrarian (yet), they got it right, but yo, Andre Previn! You seem chill.

TRUE ENDING: "Mack the Knife"

1961 "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" by Elvis Presley "Georgia on My Mind," by Ray Charles "Mack the Knife," by Ella Fitzgerald "Nice 'n Easy," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Theme from A Summer Place," by Percy Faith

Hey! Black people! I legitimately was worried we wouldn't see them for another few years, but hey, they got an early invite (relative to American history)! I like that "Mack the Knife" was nominated again. It makes me wish that, last year, both Tay Tay's "Blank Space" and the indie dudebro's "Blank Space" cover had been nominated simultaneously. When you type "Georgia on My Mind" into the YouTube search bar, suggested searches include "Ludacris," "Willie Nelson," and "Michael Buble," and that is one person away from being a party I'd like to attend. I really want to give this to "Mack the Knife" again because I think that'd be funny, and I, an ignoramus, shouted "YO THIS IS THAT SONG?" the second I heard "Theme from A Summer Place," I've heard that used as a music cue in a billion comedies, that song is iconic, but the winner is "Georgia on My Mind." That song won an Oscar for Jamie Foxx.

TRUE ENDING: "Georgia on My Mind"

1962 "Big Bad John," by Jimmy Dean "The Second Time Around," by Frank Sinatra "Take Five," by The Dave Brubeck Quartet "(Up a) Lazy River," by Si Zentner WINNER: "Moon River," by Henry Mancini

"Big Bad John" just makes me angry that country music used to feel legit and dangerous, and nowadays Brantley Gilbert thinks he's an outlaw because he has a tattoo honoring the 2nd Amendment (a law). I promised myself I wouldn't turn any one part of this into an extended treatise on bro country, but it's not extended if I keep it to two sentences, however compounded they may be! Anyhoo. These are five decidedly not-unpleasant songs by five white dudes. I understand I'm making an assumption about Si Zentner here, but it's 1962. People were still wearing hats in this season of Mad Men, I think it's a safe assumption. I think. I dunno. I think? Yeah, fuck it, "Take Five," that had a pretty boss drum section. Imagine listening to every song made in 1961 and thinking, "Yes. These. I love these five songs." "Stand By Me" was the biggest hit of the year. "Runaway" was number two, I'm pretty sure that was a banger, and if not at least it couldn't be worse than these five. "Hit the Road Jack." "Crying." "Shop Around." "Crazy." Hey guys I just made a hot discovery, I think solely using the Grammy nominees for Record of the Year does not an accurate snapshot of music history provide.

TRUE ENDING: It doesn't matter because it can't be "Stand By Me," but "Take Five" I guess

1963 "Desafinado," by Stan Getz & Charlie Byrd "Fly Me to the Moon Bossa Nova," by Joe Harnell and His Orchestra "I Can't Stop Loving You," by Ray Charles "What Kind of Fool Am I?" by Sammy Davis Jr. WINNER: "I Left My Heart in San Francisco," by Tony Bennett

You can pick up some interesting tidbits from music history, though, such as the fact conductors would have "and their orchestra" in their name. I'd be so much more okay with the state of things, as they are, if The Chainsmokers would start going by The Chainsmokers and Their Soundboard. I don't mean to impugn The Chainsmokers' ability as songwriters, I'd listen to "Closer" a million times before I gave any of these songs another spin, I would just prefer more accuracy in my song attribution. Also the extra credit "Like Young" got for being an instrumental is waning. I could have listened to "Run Up" five times. That's what I could have done with these twenty minutes. ...At least they didn't nominate "The Monster Mash." It wouldn't have been without precedent! They could have nominated "The Monster Mash." No matter how bad it is, it can always get worse.

TRUE ENDING: "I Can't Stop Loving You"

1964 "Dominique," by The Singing Nun "Happy Days Are Here Again," by Barbra Streisand "I Wanna Be Around," by Tony Bennett "Wives and Lovers," by Jack Jones WINNER: "Days of Wine and Roses," by Henry Mancini

when do the 1960s get to the seasons of mad men with stan in them. oh okay hi there "wives and lovers" aren't you horrible. what a blast from the past you are. why am i doing this. fuck it.

TRUE ENDING: "Dominique"

1965 "Downtown," by Petula Clark "Hello, Dolly!" by Louis Armstrong "I Want to Hold Your Hand," by The Beatles "People," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "The Girl from Ipanema," by Astrud Gilberto & Stan Getz

HERE. WE. FUCKING. GO. Holy shit. Up-tempo music! Songs I wouldn't only ever listen to in hotel lobbies, that aren't all the exact same ballad! What good fortune! We can actually have a fun debate over which of these songs was actually the best! Sort of. I mean. Just in terms of cultural impact, it's "I Want to Hold Your Hand." I wouldn't dare argue that "I Want to Hold Your Hand" isn't a historically significant song. But "Downtown" is just a nice song about going to the city and seeing a moviefilm, "Hello, Dolly!" is just a wonderful little ditty which brings to mind Freakazoid, "People," erm, and "The Girl from Ipanema" is about as surreal as it gets when you're talking about Record of the Year nominees. And we're not talking about cultural impact, y'know? (At least for now, this is gonna go all over the place.) We're talking about my shitty opinion which, here, overlaps with that of the Grammys in this instance. "The Girl from Ipanema" is dope.

TRUE ENDING: "The Girl from Ipanema"

1966 "Yesterday," by The Beatles "The 'In' Crowd," by The Ramsey Lewis Trio "King of the Road," by Roger Miller "The Shadow of Your Smile," by Tony Bennett WINNER: "A Taste of Honey," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

It sounds like taking the easy way out to pick what is widely recognized as the best song ever made by what is widely recognized as the best rock band of all time, but. Um. It's really hard to argue for the other four songs here. You could, in a vacuum, almost make an argument for "The 'In' Crowd?" But I'm at the point in this project where I am completely okay with the idea of never hearing a jazz instrumental ever again. Also I regret being mean to Barbra Streisand the last two years, you're right, those jokes were unair, she's a national treasure and I miss the days when true theatre kids could score Record of the Year noms. The only representation theatre kids get in pop music these days is Tay Tay, and that's disappointing. Anyhoo, yeah, fucking "Yesterday." Whatever.

TRUE ENDING: "Yesterday"

1967 "Almost Persuaded," by David Houston "Monday, Monday," by The Mamas & the Papas "What Now My Love," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass "Winchester Cathedral," by The New Vaudeville Band WINNER: "Strangers in the Night," by Frank Sinatra

One positive from this experience is that all the Mario Maker videos that YouTube had been recommending to me for months are being replaced with songs from the '60s YouTube thinks I might enjoy. Lemme talk about my YouTube recommendations window for a hot second because it’s gone through some shit to get me to watch Mario Maker content. There was a chain. Like, carlsagan42, I could understand, I'd watched AGDQ VODs that featured him, YouTube knew I liked speedrunning and Let's Plays of Mario Maker, here's this guy. And GrandPooBear, that was fair, he was in AGDQ, he seemed like a chill dude, it made sense I would enjoy him, too. But now it's recommending just random dudes to me. "Here's a white dude with a beard playing carlsagan's troll level!" Alright, I guess I fuck with him, he seems chill. "Hey! We found this white dude with a beard playing that white dude with a beard's troll level!" Wh - okay, this is, why is his display name Japanese, I don't, why are y "Here's a dude who just plays troll levels!" GREAT, WHY. WHY DID HE MAKE A CAREER OF DOING THAT. These songs are uninspiring, is what I'm saying. In 1966, notable releases (according to Wikipedia so who actually knows but I'ma go with it) include "The Sound of Silence," "Uptight (Everything's Alright)," "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," "When a Man Loves a Woman," "Paint it Black," "You Can't Hurry Love," "It's a Man's Man's Man's World," "I Got You (I Feel Good)," "Good Vibrations," "I'm a Believer," and "You Keep Me Hanging On." "Ain't Too Proud to Beg." "God Only Knows!" I listened to "Winchester Cathedral." None of these songs deserve any recognition.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Monday, Monday" but legit who could find it in them to care

1968 "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," by Glen Campbell "My Cup Runneth Over," by Ed Ames "Ode to Billie Joe," by Bobbie Gentry "Somethin' Stupid," by Nancy Sinatra & Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Up, Up and Away," by The 5th Dimension

R E S P-E C T No but like legit there was one year where it sounded like the Grammys were finally over the '50s. Ah, but no! No. ...The world had "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" in 1967. Fucking, a version of "Try a Little Tenderness" dropped in 1967. AND THEY HAD "MY CUP RUNNETH OVER." I AM APPALLED. I AM AGHAST. THIS I -- man, fuck this awards show in particular. I'm giving this to "Ode to Billie Joe" because it's the only song of this bunch I feel I'm being unfair to by bringing up better songs. That song holds its own. It's dark, it's grim, it fucks you up in all the right ways. It's the rare song that feels dated because it's so far ahead of its genre's current game. And I guess I'm down with "Up, Up and Away," too, sure, yeah, whatever, I'm down for a nice song about balloon rides. Everything else, tho. Especially "Somethin' Stupid." Wow. That sure is a thing that happened. That sure is a thing multiple people thought was a great idea! My stars.

TRUE ENDING: "Ode to Billie Joe"

1969 "Harper Valley PTA," by Jeannie C. Riley "Hey Jude," by The Beatles "Honey," by Bobby Goldsboro "Wichita Lineman," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Mrs. Robinson," by Simon & Garfunkel

In back-to-back years, country songs performed by women were nominated for Record of the Year and subsequently adopted into feature-length films. Country music used to own, is the primary takeaway from this exercise so far. Anyhoo. I'm not gonna judge these nominees by what they could have been, because it's not necessarily these songs' fault they're not the songs that actually define this era of American history. They're nice, safe songs, and it's totally understandable why a committee wouldn't disagree with making these the five songs they wanted to present to an increasingly discomfited public for their good-time parade of nice-seeming celebrity. I don't know why I expected an awards show to lead any kind of movement in the late 1960s, it's not their job now and it certainly wasn't then, but I thought I'd at least be getting jams from the past. I got the worst Beatles song and "My Cup Runneth Over."

TRUE ENDING: "Harper Valley PTA"

1970 "A Boy Named Sue," by Johnny Cash "Is That All There Is?" by Peggy Lee "A Time for Us," by Henry Mancini "Spinning Wheel," by Blood, Sweat & Tears WINNER: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In," by The 5th Dimension

Well, this is the least disappointing batch of nominees in years! These songs are more than unobjectionable. "A Boy Named Sue" and "Is That All There Is?" and "Aquarius" are all unimpeachable. Picking one of those three is rough, but honestly I'm just stoked to have a hard choice to make. ...I almost want to go with "A Boy Named Sue" just so I don't have to agree with the Grammys after slagging on them so much, but like "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In." Like, I have a vision of what the 1970s sounded like, and I just typed I had a vision of what something sounded like and I need to like take a walk or drink a water or something. Take a moment, take a breath, come back stronger.

TRUE ENDING: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In"

1971

"(They Long to Be) Close to You," by The Carpenters "Everything is Beautiful," by Ray Stevens "Fire and Rain," by James Taylor "Let It Be," by The Beatles WINNER: "Bridge Over Troubled Water," by Simon & Garfunkel

...OK I'm not into any of these so let's just list other notable songs that were likely released in 1970. "ABC." "Big Yellow Taxi." "Black Magic Woman." "Express Yourself." "Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine." "I WANT YOU BACK." They nominated a song which explicitly states that everything is beautiful and ignored the song which provides IRREFUTABLE FUCKING PROOF the world is beautiful. We're not done. "Lola." "The Letter." "Paranoid." "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS." NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. ONLY THE GREATEST FUCKING SONG OF ALL TIME. THAT HAS NO PLACE IN THE GRAMMYS! WHY SHOULD IT? THERE'S TOO MANY BALLADS IN THE WORLD FOR US TO PAY "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS" ANY MIND. Shit. I dunno. How could I possibly know.

TRUE ENDING: "(They Long to Be) Close to You"

1972 "Joy to the World," by Three Dog Night "My Sweet Lord," by George Harrison "Theme from Shaft," by Isaac Hayes "You've Got a Friend," by James Taylor WINNER: "It's Too Late," by Carole King

OH HELL YES. I can get behind this field, which is to say: I am getting behind the theme from Shaft. "Joy to the World" is lovably loony, I'm not about to speak ill of Carole King, "My Sweet Lord" is about as good a song like that as you're ever gonna find, but Shaft. Shaft, y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Theme from Shaft"

1973 "Alone Again (Naturally)," by Gilbert O'Sullivan "American Pie," by Don McLean "Song Sung Blue," by Neil Diamond "Without You," by Harry Nilsson WINNER: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," by Roberta Flack

"Superstition." I honestly don't get what Kanye hopes to accomplish by boycotting the Grammys when the Grammys couldn't give "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours" or "Superstition" their due. What even was that Gilbert O'Sullivan nonsense. Criminy. This is, this is just who they are, y'know? Neil Diamond sings the blues. That most iconic blues performer, Neil Diamond. They get no points for giving the trophy to Roberta Flack. Roberta Flack is something we can all agree on, you don't get a PhD in astronomy for pointing at the sun and saying "that's a bright ol' star!" and you don't get credence as a song-recognizing function for recognizing Roberta Flack made a good song.

TRUE ENDING: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

1974 "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown," by Jim Croce "Behind Closed Doors," by Charlie Rich "You Are the Sunshine of My Life," by Stevie Wonder "You're So Vain," by Carly Simon WINNER: "Killing Me Softly with His Song," by Roberta Flack

I. I don't WANT to agree with this terrible program twice in a row. I'm glad to see Stevie eventually got a make-up nom, but I don't really feel that song too deeply (at least, judged against the rest of his catalogue; this would be the best song Gilbert O'Sullivan ever made by a country-ass mile), and no that doesn't make any sense but I've listened to 16 years' worth of songs the Grammys think are good, I'm not in a good place right now. I could easily say "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" takes it, it's a great song, it wouldn't be that b -- but "Killing Me Softly with His Song," though! Am I sort of giving it the nod because of The Fugees' version? Yes, but, see, The Fugees' version doesn't get nominated, so.

TRUE ENDING: "Killing Me Softly with His Song"

1975 "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," by Elton John "Feel Like Makin' Love," by Roberta Flack "Help Me," by Joni Mitchell "Midnight at the Oasis," by Maria Muldaur WINNER: "I Honestly Love You," by Olivia Newton-John

...I mean. I sort of decided to make Roberta Flack a hero today after spending a lifetime not thinking of her that often? But I spent the entire 1960s listening to jazz compositions and friendly dads giving me life advice. "Feel Like Makin' Love" is, when considering the scale of this project, like breathing in skunkless country air after a lifetime in the city. Which isn't to say "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" isn't the class of the pop sub-genre Songs Clay Aiken Can Capably Perform, or that "Help Me" isn't a jam. Just, Roberta Flack made three nice songs, and that makes this project worth pursuing somehow, no matter how many times I have to listen to blondes whisper about how much they love someone.

TRUE ENDING: "Feel Like Makin' Love"

1976 "At Seventeen," by Janis Ian "Lyin' Eyes," by Eagles "Mandy," by Barry Manilow "Rhinestone Cowboy," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Love Will Keep Us Together," by Captain & Tennille

the best song i heard in this batch was the five seconds of rock guitar in the miller lite ad that presaged "rhinestone cowboy." i mean, on its own, "rhinestone cowboy" would have been the true ending, but that five seconds of guitar the youtube advertising algorithm attached to the beginning pushed it over the top.

TRUE ENDING: "Rhinestone Cowboy"

1977 "Afternoon Delight," by Starland Vocal Band "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon "I Write the Songs," by Barry Manilow "If You Leave Me Now," by Chicago WINNER: "This Masquerade," by George Benson

...So, it's been a while, right, since we complained that what was presented to us isn't what it could've been? But since a clear novelty song about bangin' when the sun's out was given a nod, let's see what else 1976 had to offer. Hm, well, the two biggest hits of the year were "Dancing Queen" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." Those aren't too egregious, assuming your standard for egregious is "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours." Which is to say, if you're dead inside, those aren't notable omissions. "Baby, I Love Your Way" is as basic as anything in this field, but I think people remember that as an Actually Good song, so I'ma bring that up. "I Wish!" "The Rubberband Man" is the best song about a fat man playing his body as an instrument you're ever like to hear. "Squeeze Box" was the centerpoint of one of the better Freaks & Geeks scenes. I'm listening to "I Write the Songs." Everyone who thinks the past is better is wrong. "I Write the Songs” is a less self-aware version of "7 Years." "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" is acceptable, I guess. It was compelling, and it grabbed my attention. I think "This Masquerade" had its moments, but "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" had me. I dunno. I think it's just bad that I, a music history simpleton, could come up with a viable ROTY field with like half a minute of looking at Wikipedia. Hell, I'm gonna go ahead and be super unfair and judge the Grammys for not seeing into the future and seeing all the dope tweets about "The Boys Are Back in Town."

TRUE ENDING: "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

1978 "Blue Bayou," by Linda Rondstadt "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue," by Crystal Gayle "Evergreen (Love Theme from A Star Is Born)," by Barbra Streisand "You Light Up My Life," by Debby Boone WINNER: "Hotel California," by Eagles

I'm going to give this year props for featuring four songs performed by women in the ROTY field. Remember my alt-nominee field from last year? The only women in that field were in ABBA. So at least the Grammys got this right, ignore the racial composition of this field DON'T THINK TOO HARD ABOUT IT, and then it would be until 1999 that the Grammys would have another year with a 4:1 female:male ratio in this category. Anyway, "Blue Bayou." If that surprises you, you haven't been paying attention.

TRUE ENDING: "Blue Bayou"

1979 "Baker Street," by Gerry Rafferty "Feels So Good," by Chuck Mangione "Stayin' Alive," by Bee Gees "You Needed Me," by Anne Murray WINNER: "Just the Way You Are," by Billy Joel

...i thought we were done with jazz instrumentals. another fool am i. Anyway fuck everything in this world that isn't the sax solo in "Baker Street" for not being the sax solo in "Baker Street." See that song is basically a jazz instrumental, but,,, the sax solo in "Baker Street" is maybe the greatest thing that's ever been? Also let's just note how the first disco song nominated for Record of the Year is by three white dudes. Dope. History is cool. But at least we have the sax solo from "Baker Street" to keep us warm.

TRUE ENDING: "Baker Street"

1980 "After the Love Has Gone," by Earth, Wind and Fire "I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," by Barbra Streisand & Neil Diamond WINNER: "What a Fool Believes," by The Doobie Brothers

listen, i took some time off to do other things, and then i woke up at two am this morning and said, "let's continue this fool's errand!" and i made it through a few years and now it's two hours later and i am interesting in selecting the INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS CHOICE and moving on

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Survive"

1981 "The Rose," by Bette Midler "Lady," by Kenny Rogers "Theme from New York, New York," by Frank Sinatra "Woman in Love," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "Sailing," by Christopher Cross

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. um. i mean, 1980 isn't a particularly inspiring year? but got.DAMN this field is so bad "escape (the pina colada song)" has a viable claim to snub status. how did this awards show survive? how did we never do better than this? are we just committed to not being into the american music awards?

TRUE ENDING: "Woman in Love"

1982 "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," by Christopher Cross "(Just Like) Starting Over," by John Lennon "Endless Love," by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie "Just the Two of Us," by Grover Washington, Jr. with Bill Withers "Bette Davis Eyes," by Kim Carnes

I've listened to two Christopher Cross songs and "Endless Love" before having any coffee, which was a mistake. We're at this weird point in history where my unearned nostalgia doesn't exist because I'm pretty sure the '80s were mostly terrible, and the Grammys aren't 1981 bad because I get a chance to shout out Bill Withers (which I'm sure he totally appreciates, this sort of seems like something that wouldn't insult his very being, is some asshat pointing out how great he is in a whole entire piece where nothing of substance is ever said), but they're still really fuckin' bad. Also ignore what I said about the '80s being terrible because fuckin' "9 to 5" was dropped this year, as was "Don't Stop Believin'!" They selected John Lennon's best Queen impression. Dead Kennedys released a song called "Nazi Punks Fuck Off!" in 1981. That classic is, somehow, timeless.

TRUE ENDING: "Just the Two of Us"

1983 "Steppin' Out," by Joe Jackson "Ebony and Ivory," by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder "Always on My Mind," by Willie Nelson "Chariots of Fire," by Vangelis WINNER: "Rosanna," by Toto

As alluded to above, I am a card-carrying member of something I guess I have to call Poo Nation. (There is no card, regrettably.) I'd have to check the rules, but I am pretty sure I'm not allowed to besmirch the good name of Toto, even if the song in question is not "Africa." I think "Steppin' Out" might've been a good true ending in an alternate universe, and it's hard to deny "Chariots of Fire" is legendary (if anything has to be the last instrumental I hear while doing this, I'm glad it was that), but I'm not tryna incur anyone's wrath here. Also, hey, here's Stevie Wonder and Willie Nelson, getting makeup nods for lesser tracks. "Ebony and Ivory," that's just a more prestigious version of "Accidental Racist." No one should feel good about that song. But the first six seconds of Rosanna, that's a sort of "pinnacle of human achievement" thing, that's something we should put in a museum.

TRUE ENDING: "Rosanna"

1984 "Flashdance... What a Feeling," by Irene Cara "Every Breath You Take," by The Police "All Night Long (All Night)," by Lionel Richie "Maniac," by Michael Sembello WINNER: "Beat It!" by Michael Jackson

Wh... What is this? What just happened? A whole five songs I've listened to outside the context of this project? Songs which all still endure to this day? A winner that could actually stake a claim as the most iconic song of 1983? The Grammys! It's like you just took off your glasses and did your hair all fancy and showed up to prom, and I'm just like, oh shit, the theatre dork was actually hot all along! Did we find it? Did we find the turning point? Did Flashdance provide the turning point? Is that the movie musical you guys watched and thought, "Oh shit, this music actually kind of goes, I think we oughta get with the times?" /looks at the next year/ IT IS! Bless you, Flashdance. Bless this change you provoked in the Grammys. I'm not about to do something silly like not pick "Beat It!" but I will at least acknowledge that you are phenomenal and were the true spark that ignited the Grammys and also no one involved in your production ever fucked any kids, probably.

TRUE ENDING: "Beat It!"

1985 "Hard Habit to Break," by Chicago "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," by Cyndi Lauper "The Heart of Rock 'n Roll," by Huey Lewis and the News "Dancing in the Dark," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

hm. it's such a tight field we have here. not a one clear standout in this bunch. i don't know. this is a tough choice. i'm sure glad i wasn't a voting member in 1985. imagine seeing the choice laid before you and slowly having the impossibility of the task ahead dawn on you. what a daunting prospect. (tell ya what tho, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" is a strong-as-hell second place, and "Dancing in the Dark" is possibly the strongest bronze.)

TRUE ENDING: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

1986 "Money for Nothing," by Dire Straits "The Boys of Summer," by Don Henley "The Power of Love," by Huey Lewis & the News "Born in the U.S.A.," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "We Are the World," by USA for Africa

oh praise ra i actually get to break from the grammys So I think "The Power of Love" is solid, I think it'd be hard to find someone who'd say they have any sort of disagreement with this sound. "Born in the U.S.A." is similarly a classic. I love how The Other Side keeps trying to repurpose it as a rousing anthem for them when it is an absolutely scathing indictment of what has become of the American working class. It's such a self-own, playing this song at Republican conventions, and I love it every time it happens. You think they'd have learned how to process subtlety by now! But: I am not attached to "Born in the U.S.A." too deeply beyond that. As an emokid straight outta the mid-aughts (hey there goes my claim to any valid political opinion! later, bro!), have a special connection to "Boys of Summer," tho. Is Don Henley's version The Ataris' version? No. It is not. But we set the precedent in the Roberta Flack threepeat that, even though this is Record of the Year, we will recognize the power of the composition. We also must acknowledge that "Money for Nothing" is the absolute fucking worst.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boys of Summer"

1987 "Sledgehammer," by Peter Gabriel "Greatest Love of All," by Whitney Houston "Addicted to Love," by Robert Palmer "That's What Friends Are For," by Dionne Warwick & Friends WINNER: "Higher Love," by Steve Winwood

One other notable change, apart from the fact the songs are now actual songs that I can imagine people casually listening to in the era in which they were released: these songs are fucking long. You go back to the first Grammys, I don't think any songs lasted past 3:15, and now we have "Sledgehammer," which lasts five minutes. All the songs from the 1986 field were five minutes long. It sort of feels like we've trimmed the excess in our modern era, because my reaction to all these songs is, "Alright, I'm feeling this one! I am grooving! ...Okay, I've grooved. I've felt it. You can go now. No, you can g -- oh, more? OK, cool, I guess that's cool." Except "Addicted to Love." That's a positively breezy four minutes, and it holds the attention the entire time. It's slightly leery? It's kind of "Blurred Lines"y? But it's not overtly gross that it's unworthy of celebration!

TRUE ENDING: "Addicted to Love"

1988 "La Bamba," by Los Lobos "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," by U2 "Luka," by Suzanne Vega "Back in the High Life Again," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Graceland," by Paul Simon

...Yeah, fuck it, "La Bamba," I don't like that the choice I have to make is a cover of a '50s hit, but HASHTAG GRAMMYS, amirite. Time to look at Wikipedia because the Grammys have displeased me! ...OK, so there's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." "Alone" has been a stable of reality singing competitions for thirty years, now! "Bad" woulda been acceptable. "Don't Dream It's Over" may not be the most notable tune in the world, but unlike eventual champion "La Bamba," it was made in 1987. "UM "FAITH" HOW ABOUT?! "The Final Countdown" is listed as a 1987 single and I get why it wouldn't get ROTY love but I would be remiss not to point out its presence on the list. Who doen't love "(I Just) Died in Your Arms?" LL Cool J coulda gotten some hype, I'm not gonna pretend to be familiar with '80s rap but that's a name I know. "Need You Tonight" got INXS a reality show 20 years later. WHAT THE FUCK YOU COULD'VE EASILY REPLACED "LA BAMBA" WITH "RHYTHM IS GONNA GET YOU." "Welcome to the Jungle" is a metal song, sure, but you're gonna tell me that's less influential than "Graceland?" Also I changed my mind because I forgot how fucking good "Luka" is.

TRUE ENDING: "Luka."

1989 "Giving You the Best That I Got," by Anita Baker "Fast Car," by Tracy Chapman "Man in the Mirror," by Michael Jackson "Roll with It," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Don't Worry, Be Happy," by Bobby McFerrin

I commend "Don't Worry, By Happy" for laying the foundation for maybe the greatest Key & Peele sketch, and I'm loathe to pick two unrelentingly sad songs about good people in awful situations in a row, but, like, "Fast Car." "Fast Car," y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Fast Car"

1990 "The End of the Innocence," by Don Henley "She Drives Me Crazy," by Fine Young Cannibals "We Didn't Start the Fire," by Billy Joel "The Living Years," by Mike + the Mechanics WINNER: "Wind Beneath My Wings," by Bette Midler

So apparently the two things I liked about the 1980s are the kitschy one-hit-wonder-y singles that are completely of their times, and the songs about horrifying tragedies. But y'know what at least those were closer to the vision of '80s music I had in my head than the options from the '70s were to ‘70s music. I don't know if that sentence makes sense. I've listened to a lot of bad and/or trashy music. For no reason. When was the last time I asked why I was doing this? I would like to ask that question again: why am I doing this

TRUE ENDING: "She Drives Me Crazy"

1991 "Vision of Love," by Mariah Carey "U Can't Touch This," by MC Hammer "From a Distance," by Bette Midler "Nothing Compares 2 U," by Sinead O'Connor WINNER: "Another Day in Paradise," by Phil Collins

MC Hammer has more ROTY nominations as a performer than Prince. The first rap song ever nominated for ROTY was "U Can't Touch This." MC Hammer was the first rapper to earn a ROTY nomination. ...You're right, this isn't fair, MC Hammer apparently built himself, and the distinction easily could've gone to MC Skat Kat. That's the motto: no matter how bad, it could always be worse. TRUE ENDING: "Vision of Love"

1992 "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You," by Bryan Adams "Baby Baby," by Amy Grant "Something to Talk About," by Bonnie Raitt "Losing My Religion," by R.E.M. WINNER: "Unforgettable," by Natalie Cole w/Nat King Cole

I am 100% convinced "Unforgettable" only won because the Grammys were completely in love with the fact Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole performed together. "Look!" they said, laughing and clapping. "Their names are of similar mouthsound! Delightful!" Anyway, instead of the idiosyncratic rock song, we're going with the country song about doin' it.

TRUE ENDING: "Something to Talk About"

1993 "Achy Breaky Heart," by Billy Ray Cyrus "Beauty & the Beast," by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson "Constant Craving," by k.d. lang "Save the Best for Last," by Vanessa Williams WINNER: "Tears in Heaven," by Eric Clapton

OH SHIT THE GRAMMYS JUST HIT US WITH THE THROWBACK! Awful novelty single? CHECK. Treacly ballad? CHECK. Ponderous slow song from an influential-but-overlooked performer? I FEEL BAD ABOUT SAYING IT BECAUSE IT'S A SONG ABOUT HIS KID WHO DIED BUT, OKAY, THIS IS WHO I AM, CHECK. And we have A NEW KIND OF BAD this year: THE POP VERSION OF THE SONG FROM THE MOVIE MUSICAL. Angela Lansbury or GTFO. k.d. lang does sort of earn this by default, I'm not gonna lie to you and say I dug the song presented to me, but I absoltuely respect the pioneering work she did in advancing stylization in performers' name. k.d. lang paved the streets on which Panic! At the Disco marches.

TRUE ENDING: "Constant Craving"

1994 "A Whole New World," by Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle "The River of Dreams," by Billy Joel "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You," by Sting "Harvest Moon," by Neil Young WINNER: "I Will Always Love You," by Whitney Houston

The end result is always the same, no matter what, but hoo boy, this sequence is something else. '90s music is generally ugh, but you had "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang," "Mr. Jones," "No Rain," "Shoop," "What's Up?" But this. Billy Joel. Again. It's only been three times or something but it feels like Billy Joel has been nominated for this award every year.

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Always Love You"

1995 "I'll Make Love to You," by Boyz II Men "He Thinks He'll Keep Her," by Mary Chapin Carpenter "Love Sneakin' up on You," by Bonnie Raitt "Streets of Philadelphia," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "All I Wanna Do," by Sheryl Crow

The Grammys have relapsed pretty hard. And because we're in the 1990s, and also I've kind of hit a wall in terms of my enthusiasm for this project, I'm not even listening to these songs, because there's not any lessons to be gleaned here, music was being taken over by grunge and rap and the Grammys didn't know how to react so they literally gave their biggest award to a song which states, "All I wanna do is have some fun." Let's just have some fun, guys! Stop being so sad about everything, let's just, let's play Parcheesi! You used to love Parcheesi! Let's play Parcheesi and just, let's just have some fun! But yeah the Grammys are havin' some issues coming to terms with reality.

TRUE ENDING: "I'll Make Love to You"

1996 "One Sweet Day," by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men "Gangsta's Paradise," by Coolio "One of Us," by Joan Osborne "Waterfalls," by TLC WINNER: "Kiss from a Rose," by Seal

Now THIS. This, I can extremely fuck with. Nary a quibble I have with the Grammys' assessment of 1995! Do I maybe trade out "One Sweet Day" for "Fantasy?" Of course, I'm not that dead inside. Do I maybe replace "One of Us" with "You Oughta Know?" Eh, I think "One of Us" is more timeless, in that it's about God and not Dave Coulier, but I'd hear the argument. Do I maybe put "Life's a Bitch" in there instead of "Gangsta's Paradise?" Yes, but I completely get why they wouldn't. I think we've found it. I think we've found the most acceptable list! And the winner is almost the acceptable winner! Also, I didn't realize this until I dove into the list of hits from 1995, but apparently Ko[backwards R]n and P.O.D. were active and hitmakers in 1995. I knew it was coming soon? But I didn’t think it started when I was in Kindergarten.

TRUE ENDING: "Gangsta's Paradise"

1997 "Give Me One Reason," by Tracy Chapman "Because You Loved Me," by Celine Dion "Ironic," by Alanis Morissette "1979," by The Smashing Pumpkins WINNER: "Change the World," by Eric Clapton

And we're back. Though, hey, the Grammys are still making incremental progress. There's grunge, earning respectful recognition that it did, indeed, happen, and the Grammys were aware of it but ever distant! Alanis Morissette gets a nod for writing a song about how sometimes bad things happen! And TRACY CHAPMAN JUST ENDS THE FUCKING GAME. Someone once described "Give Me One Reason" as the last true blues hit, and that is such an accurate assessment. Everything about "Give Me One Reason" owns. I am thrilled to have shared some portion of the earth with the two Tracy Chapman songs we have briefly discussed.

TRUE ENDING: "Give Me One Reason"

1998 "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole "Everyday Is a Winding Road," by Sheryl Crow "MMMBop," by Hanson "I Believe I Can Fly," by R. Kelly WINNER: "Sunny Came Home," by Shawn Colvin

I believe it was @fart who tweeted that "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" and "The Boys Are Back in Town" share two different perspectives of the same event, and I'm sticking to that here. This right here is sort of the distillation of the '90s, assuming you're ignoring, y'know, rap: while you can't deny that this was probably what everyone in the '90s was listening to, you can absolutely fault everyone in the '90s for listening to this, because this is bad. But this is what was popular! "MMMBop," a song about grappling with your own mortality while making mouthsounds, was the biggest fucking song! You couldn't escape it! "It" referring to "MMMBop!" Like, the 1981 field was bad? But it was bad because it was bland, and it was regressive, and it wasn't of the time. This is bad because the songs are bad. They're all dated, they have no appeal beyond kitschiness, they're just, ugh. For once, it's not the Grammys' fault. ...Not entirely. Again: rap. We had that. We didn't have do the Sheryl Crow thing again.

TRUE ENDING: "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?"

1999 "The Boy Is Mine," by Brandy & Monica "Iris," by Goo Goo Dolls "Ray of Light," by Madonna "You're Still the One," by Shania Twain WINNER: "My Heart Will Go On," by Celine Dion

The '90s weren't without their saving graces, of course. Golly. Imagine being presented with this field and voting for something that wasn't "The Boy Is Mine." So many people did! I'm not gonna sit here and say that "My Heart Will Go On" wasn't the biggest musical craze of 1998, I lived through that shit, I endured that shit, believe you me, from a historical standpoint, it deserves this award. It's not history's fault, though, that so many more people listened to "My Heart Will Go On" than "The Boy Is Mine." It's those people's fault. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE. What was wrong with you. ...At least you're still 15 or so years from your choice being Macklemore. It's hard to tell which is worse, but at least there's a good chunk of time between your failings.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boy Is Mine"

2000 "I Want It That Way," by Backstreet Boys "Believe," by Cher "Livin' La Vida Loca," by Ricky Martin "No Scrubs," by TLC WINNER: "Smooth," by Santana ft./Rob Thomas

...I don't like what I'm about to do. You know I think "Smooth" is a hot one. You know how I feel about guys in the passenger side of their best friend's ride, tryna holla at me. You know what I believe with regards to an existence of a life after love. You know I live that crazy life. ...If I'm doing karaoke, though. If I'm doing karaoke, and I need one song to fire every fucker in this dingy bar the fuck up, I need an all-time classic song that everyone loves and everyone knows, IF I AM SELECTING ONE JAM TO TAKE THIS PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH CALLED LIFE TO FLAVOR TOWN. ...It's gonna be "I Want It That Way." It's a perfect song. It is expertly crafted, the epitome of Swedish song design. It's this massive engine driving this amazing being into existence. I don't like that it is perfect. You may not like that it is perfect. But it is perfect and we love it. There are truths in life which are undeniable. "I Want It That Way" is one such truth.

TRUE ENDING: "I Want It That Way"

2001 "Say My Name," by Destinys Child "I Try," by Macy Gray "Music," by Madonna "Bye Bye Bye," by *NSYNC WINNER: "Beautiful Day," by U2

ugh what is with the u2 thing Anyway, this would ideally be where we start recognizing the things Beyonce has done for the world and all who live in it, except "I Try" is amazing. Also we're in the aughts and everyone knows and loves the aughts and no one has anything bad to say about the aughts so I'm not even gonna try to stretch for profundity it's lightning round time.

TRUE ENDING: "I Try"

2002 "Video," by india.arie "Fallin'," by Alicia Keys "Ms. Jackson," by OutKast "Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)," by Train WINNER: "Walk On," by U2

SERIOUSLY THIS U2 THING. WHAT ARE THEY SEEING THAT I'M NOT. WHAT COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE IN THERE. Anyway, hello. Rap has been around for two and a half decades and three rap songs have been nominated for Record of the Year in this space. That is as many rap songs as U2 songs in the same span of time. And lemme just skip ahead real quick here, and... Yep, yep, of course, the entire genre of rap and U2 are still tied in the official Record of the Year Grammy count! That's incredibly acceptable and great.

TRUE ENDING: "Ms. Jackson"

2003 "A Thousand Miles," by Vanessa Carlton "Without Me," by Eminem "Dilemma," by Nelly & Kelly Rowland "How You Remind Me," by Nickelback WINNER: "Don't Know Why," by Norah Jones

Legit question: is "Dilemma" the last great duet? I know Drake and Rihanna have put in work trying to find a great duet, I know Usher and Alicia Keys dropped "My Boo," I'm going to point out New Found Glory and Hayley Williams collaborated on "Vicious Love" and wait until this point is completely ignored before I move on, there we go, I think this might be the last great pop duet! I think the last great pop duet features the iconic screencap of Microsoft Excel Messenger!

TRUE ENDING: "Dilemma"

2004 "Crazy in Love," by Beyonce ft./Jay-Z "Where Is the Love?" by The Black Eyed Peas "Lose Yourself," by Eminem "Hey Ya!" by OutKast WINNER: "Clocks," by Coldplay

See, I'm disqualifying "Crazy in Love" from consideration from the "great duets" debate because it's not a duet. Jay-Z has a feature verse. Anyway: FUCK THIS. "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" absolutely 100% fuck this. Like that's a goddamn debate right there. There could be an entire 1000-episode podcast debating who should have won this category, "Crazy in Love" or "Hey Ya!" And it's not like the other three are slouches. "Lose Yourself" is disappointingly but definitely more popular than either track, "Where Is the Love?" is the kinda-awesome midpoint between Woke BEP and Party BEP, and I'd bop "Clocks" from the party but I'd let it hang for a few minutes, get a glimpse of a world other than its own before throwing it out on its ass. But "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" Fuck, dude. ...Grammys can tie, right? Yeah, there's ties in the Grammys. Fuck it, even if there's not ties in the Grammys, there's ties in this weird alternate reality Grammys because legitimately how the fuck do you choose.

TRUE ENDING: "Hey Ya!" & "Crazy in Love"

2005 "Let's Get it Started," by The Black Eyed Peas "American Idiot," by Green Day "Heaven," by Los Lonely Boys "Yeah!" by Usher ft./Lil' Jon & Ludacris WINNER: "Here We Go Again," by Ray Charles & Norah Jones

...Like?

TRUE ENDING: "Yeah!"

2006 "We Belong Together," by Mariah Carey "Feel Good Inc.," by Gorillaz ft./De La Soul "Hollaback Girl," by Gwen Stefani "Gold Digger," by Kanye West ft./Jamie Foxx WINNER: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," by Green Day

...OK, shit. Um. "We Belong Together" set the Mariah comeback in stone and history has a place for it, but I don't have a trophy for it. It's "Gold Digger" vs. "Boulevard" for me, and... And I think I gotta give it to. "Boulevard?" See, here's the thing, though, if "Stronger" were nominated a few years down the line, or "Love Lockdown," or "Niggas in Paris," yes! Absolutely, there'd be an argument! But "Gold Digger" is... Not his finest song? It's a funny-ish song about a stereotype. It has charm, it has that Ray Charles sample, but it's sort of, what's the phrase I'm looking for? Chop up the soul Kanye? It's that. It's good not great. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is a song that captured the hopelessness and futility of life as a lower-class individual in the Bush era and is presently capturing the hopelessness and futility of life as anyone in the Trump era. The world needed and continues to need songs like that.

TRUE ENDING: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"

2007 "Be Without You," by Mary J. Blige "You're Beautiful," by James Blunt "Crazy," by Gnarls Barkley "Put Your Records On," by Corinne Bailey Rae WINNER: "Not Ready to Make Nice," by Dixie Chicks

"Not Ready to Make Nice" is the shit. I wanted Mary J. Blige or Gnarls Barkley to win, I could almost write that argument, but I just, "Not Ready to Make Nice" is the angriest song ever written. It is the apotheosis of the "message to the haters" song; it walks the same thematic ground as Tay Tay's "Shake It Off," but thunder emanates from its every step. And it's angry in that plain-spoken metaphorless way only country music can pull off. She does not obscure what has her fucked up: the letter stated, "shut up and sing or your life will be over." She is not going to forget. It's so powerful. Does it define 2006 in music? No, let's not be silly, "SexyBack" owned the year, Timbaland had more than a few songs hit #1, this song didn't have reach or impacy beyond the Grammy, but this song. This fucking song, man.

TRUE ENDING: "Not Ready to Make Nice"

2008 "Irreplaceable," by Beyonce "The Pretender," by Foo Fighters "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z "What Goes Around.../...Comes Around," by Justin Timberlake WINNER: "Rehab," by Amy Winehouse

okay no need to write an extended defense of this one, we know what's up

TRUE ENDING: "Irreplaceable"

2009 "Chasing Pavements," by Adele "Viva la Vida," by Coldplay "Bleeding Love," by Leona Lewis "Paper Planes," by M.I.A. WINNER: "Please Read the Letter," by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

i'm not really feelin' any of these songs, but WE'RE SO CLOSE TO THE END so fuck it here's the song i come closest to feeling

TRUE ENDING: "Paper Planes"

2010 "Halo," by Beyonce "I Gotta Feeling," by The Black Eyed Peas "Poker Face," by Lady Gaga "You Belong with Me," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Use Somebody," by Kings of Leon

oh wow, so, y'know, okay, how? how do we still have years like this? i know dope tunes were released in 2009 because i lived it, how do so many people get together and think, "yes! these!" this field is so bad, if you dropped drake's "best i ever had" into it, it would have a legit claim to the title. this is unconscionable! i hate this! why did i do this?

TRUE ENDING: "Poker Face"

2011 "Nothin' on You," by B.O.B. ft./Bruno Mars "Love the Way You Lie," by Eminem & Rihanna "Fuck You," by Cee Lo Green "Empire State of Mind," by Jay-Z ft./Alicia Keys WINNER: "Need You Now," by Lady Antebellum

Ah, the poetry of a group with the word Antebellum in their name emerging from a pack of black artists to claim a trophy they didn't deserve. Memories! What lovely recent history! Anyhoo, as sure as the earth is round, "Fuck You" is the best pop song of the decade so far. I'll fight you. Dungeon fam, I just gave you two Grammys for the mantle.

TRUE ENDING: "Fuck You"

2012 "Holocene," by Bon Iver "Grenade," by Bruno Mars "The Cave," by Mumford & Sons "Firework," by Katy Perry TRUE ENDING: "Rolling in the Deep," by Adele

"love on top," "party rock anthem," "niggas in paris," "the motto," "the edge of glory." what the fuck, you guys. picking songs that are good isn't hard but you fucked it up five times in a row somehow.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Rolling in the Deep" i guess? ye gods this is dire

2013 "Lonely Boy," by The Black Keys "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)," by Kelly Clarkson "We Are Young," by Fun. ft./Janelle Monae "Thinkin Bout You," by Frank Ocean "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Somebody That I Used to Know," by Gotye ft./Kimbra

So now that we have years and years of historical context for the Grammys, let's take a minute to discuss what a miracle it was that Frank Ocean was ever nominated. The Grammys spent years ignoring anything resembling a subculture. As the 1960s grew increasingly psychedelic, the Grammys kept handing out nominations to Frank Sinatra and jazz instrumentals and gentle sweater dads. They dipped their toes into funkier things in the '70s, but they stayed the hell away from actual funk, from rock, from anything that looked like it might have been near cocaine at any point in their life. They gave Frank Sinatra a ROTY nomination in 1980. 1980! The Grammys had shown zero sign that they were even close to acknowledging a black man with ambiguous sexuality singing songs just on the edge of the mainstream existed. "Thinkin Bout You" peaked at 32 Stateside. There would have been zero outcry outside of The Internet if his song weren't nominated. And yet! They did! I don't get how, but I dig it! Anyway the best song of these six is "We Are Young" and how. How is "Call Me Maybe." ...A thousand steps forward, one step back, I guess.

TRUE ENDING: "We Are Young"

2014 "Radioactive," by Imagine Dragons "Royals," by Lorde "Locked Out of Heaven," by Bruno Mars "Blurred Lines," by Robin Thicke ft./Pharrell Williams & T.I. WINNER: "Get Lucky," by Daft Punk ft./Pharrell Williams

yeah they got it right, i don't care

TRUE ENDING: "Get Lucky"

2015 "Fancy," by Iggy Azalea ft./Charli XCX "Chandelier," by Sia "Shake It Off," by Tay Tay "All About that Bass," by Meghan Trainor WINNER: "Stay with Me," by Sam Smith

wooooooooooooooooooooooooow you really dont have to go back that far to find one of the all-time worst fields. i don't know if we've dropped any song off the face of the earth faster than "fancy," i barely even remembered it existed. "all about that bass" gets more embarrassing with each passing day. "stay with me" is mor pap. "shake it off" is horrifyingly immature and features tay tay rapping, which is, it's just a gross thing to have experienced. "chandelier." "chandelier" almost single-handedly redeems this field. i know i've used this blog to discuss what a miracle it is that sia exists as she does in the music landscape today, but legitimately, what the fuck. how? i don't mind! but how? but no for real "Chandelier," "Happy," "Problem," "Drunk in Love..." hoo boy 2014 was dire, uh, "Timber." shit, dude, yeah, "Timber." ok. ok yeah i guess it's ok as long as "Rude!" didn't make the cut.

TRUE ENDING: "Chandelier"

2016 "Really Love," by D'Angelo & the Vanguard "Thinking Out Loud," by Ed Sheeran "Blank Space," by Tay Tay "Can't Feel My Face," by The Weeknd WINNER: "Uptown Funk," by Mark Ronson ft./Bruno Mars

"Uptown Funk"/"Can't Feel My Face" is the toughest choice since "Hey Ya!"/"Crazy in Love." I think I give it to "Uptown Funk," simply because it doesn't feel like "Can't Feel My Face" exists without it, but man, "Can't Feel My Face" is such a solid track.

TRUE ENDING: "Uptown Funk"

2017 "Hello," by Adele "Formation," by Beyonce "7 Years," by Lukas Graham "Work," by Rihanna ft./Drake "Stressed Out," by twenty one pilots

listen, if i had to pick the field, it's "formation," "stresed out," "love yourself," "closer," and "black beatles." maybe throw "panda" in there over "stressed out," more people seemed to be into that than "stressed out," who cares, 2016 just wasn't great for anything on earth which exists, but hey! at least this field is more or less accurate! i don't know what "7 years" is doing here, and neither do you, but i know we're both hoping it wins so we can watch the first fires of the revolution.

TRUE ENDING: "Formation"

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