#OR they’re going to use this as a fakeout plan

[cable-salamder]

Spoilers for Dragons Rising season 2, CW Eyestrain/ Bright colours.

“I was weak like you, once. My Master found me and taught me that the most important thing in this world. Strength. Maybe one day you’ll find a true Master who can teach you the same.”

So, like. that scene in ep 9 where Ras beats Arin ass and then basically makes him an offer to take him in? yeah how we feeling bout that one gang?

That shit has been on my mind since I first saw it— It’s not that I think Arin would completely turn evil, but I am a firm believer that he will make some sort of very stupid mistake (aka helping Ras, or one of his minions, perhaps only in some small way) that is going to fuck up everything and make him feel even worse.

[physalian]

Bringing Characters Back from the Dead Without Pissing Off Your Audience

I don’t know if there’s an emotional rollercoaster out there quite shaped like an audience bawling their eyes out over the death of a beloved character and the livid and bitter turnaround that comes when that character comes back to life in the most ridiculous and lore-breaking way possible.

So, TLDR, some suggestions, not rules, depending on your genre and tone armor and not all for a single story, cherry pick as you please. If this is a kids show or a comedy where “death” is a nebulous concept anyway, ignore this. This is more for dramas.

The point of a good character death and revivial boils down to this, imo: Does doing so serve the character, the story, and the themes? Killing a character should be as big of a moment as un-killing a character, as long of a road as it took to get there should be as long or longer as it takes to get out. Otherwise, you just did it for shock value and everyone noticed.

DO:

Establish that revival is even on the table at some point well before this character dies. The smaller the gap between “hey death is optional” and “oh look, it’s the fan favorite in peril”, the less likely your audience is going to feel all the intended gut-wrenching emotions.

Have the dying character completely unaware that this might not be a one-way trip, even if the audience does. The entire cast might not have any clue, but the audience knows because Character Who Knew Too Much revealed it before they died. There is a time and a place for “I’m going on a suicide mission but I secretly have a contingency plan to cheat death” and it’s very hard to do it well.

Demand some cost, either from the dead character or the person/thing/deity that saved them. It should not come without consequence. Either they’re permanently emotionally scarred, physically scarred, are only back for a limited time, or somebody else died to take their place, etc. If revival has no cost, then death has no meaning.

USE IT SPARINGLY GODDAMN

Let the character be as shocked and horrified that they’re not dead anymore as the audience is ugly crying at their return. If the narrative shrugs it off, it’s going to feel cheap.

Let the characters doing the reviving be unsure if it'll even work. If both the characters and the narrative believe bringing them back is a foregone conclusion, you lose out on a lot of tension on if it's all for moot.

DON’T:

Keep killing and reviving the same characters with the same sad music and the same funerals and day-drinking and expect the audience to really believe it’s for realsies this time, CW.

Keep pretending to kill off characters but they’re actually fine

Pull it out of nowhere and try to bend the plot in post as if this is actually a good thing and not manipulative writing

Controversial but: warn the entire audience ahead of time, for many, many books, that somebody’s gonna die and it’s gonna hurt, and then say “nah just kidding” at the end.

Revive them too quickly. Death is a powerful, dramatic event for the dead character and all those who survive them. Unless it’s like a drowning situation where the character takes a few more seconds to gasp awake, let the story stew in the aftermath properly, otherwise—why kill them in the first place?

Some examples:

Gandalf—This one’s a funny one because it doesn’t establish that death is optional. Gandalf “dies” and then Boromir dies maybe 45 minutes apart. Thing is, though, that Gandalf is a 3000 year old wizard and Boromir is just a dude. Two Towers also begins by replaying Gandalf’s fall with added context so you’re already primed with “well that must be important, his character is still relevant”. The movies certainly have their share of fakeouts, but characters who are meant to die (Boromir, Theoden, Theodred, Denethor) stay dead. Gollum is just made of silly string I guess and invulnerable to high falls, unless they’re into lava. Gandalf isn't the hero, either, his job isn't to save the world, it's to make sure that everyone else saves the world. If Aragorn fell fighting the Balrog and showed up out of nowhere in Two Towers, it would cheapen the whole victory when the gods can just say "nope you're not dead, cancel, undo button" but not smite the orcs for them.

Jon Snow—oh look I’m actually praising GoT for once. He dies in season 5 and comes back at the end of episode 2 of season 6 after a whole campaign of seemingly futile magic and the heroes giving up hope. This series is full of graphic and pointless deaths. The hero getting stabbed seven times in the chest in a mutiny isn’t out of left field at all. But back in season… 2, I think? The Hound comes across a dude who can’t be killed, who attributes that to this Lord of Light deity. The same deity that Melisandre (the witch who brings back Jon) also worships. It’s proper set-up, proper time spent mourning him with a whole break between seasons, proper build up with the impact of his death, and proper consequences once he’s back, dude isn’t the same and I will always miss his fluffier hair.

Leo Valdez—I have no idea if I’m in the minority here but back when Heroes of Olympus was being published, the fandom had five whole years to argue over which of the seven heroes was going to die. It was all over the walls. Yes, this is a series about mythological creatures with gods and gods of the dead and even Death being captured to stop people from dying. “Character cheating death” didn’t come out of nowhere. However. Even though it was properly established, the series spent five whole books promising that somebody was gonna die, and then Leo comes back because the Prophecy didn’t read the fine print. I liked Leo, but I cannot stand chickening out of killing a character and this was one hell of a deus ex machina when the whole last book was a misfire.

The Whole Vampire Diaries and Supernatural—everybody knows the CW is allergic to perma-deaths. There’s infographics out there calculating how many times Sam and Dean and Cas have died. I know more about the background to TVD so herein lies the issue: The creator was allergic to change of any kind and apparently the actors didn’t have the best relationship with her because of it and other reasons. Her characters fell in the same cyclical arcs because who they were in seasons 1 and 2 is everyone’s favorite iterations of their personalities, so they can never have proper arcs with real growth. TVD was a serialized show written like it was episodic, so nothing, not even death, was permanent save for a few characters here and there. Death lost all meaning, the writing was manipulative constantly expecting audiences to believe it this time, and the lore kept breaking each time they did it with new excuses to bring somebody back.

*Gaara—I don't actually remember it super well and his death pissed me off more than his revival but I want to add it anyway. How they brought him back, with Granny Chiyo sacrificing herself for him and him being utterly shocked that anyone gave a shit to bother rescuing him was great, no notes. Even better because I belive Chiyo was like "it's alright I can fix him" and everyboy but Naruto realized that doing so would cost her her life. I just hated how they showed you Gaara dying ~20 episodes before anyone got there to save him, meanwhile the heroes were dicking around fighting their shadow-selves instead of just... running away? They didn't know he was already dead. The lack of urgency for all parties involved, in a show that's legendary for its shit pacing, promptly ruined any chances of me watching it past that arc. But, the revival was well done, so. Have a Gaara.

—

And then you’ve got way on the far end of ass-pulls, characters like Palpatine, heroes in soap operas, or shows in their 11th season that have already checked out or know it’s dumb and don’t care how dumb. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s hard to get mad at them for the single sin of undoing death when they probably already have a hundred other problems.

[five-rivers]

Cryptid Crawl! Chapter 3

AO3

@currentlylurking @going-dead

Formatting is a bit better on the AO3

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AMITY OF AMITY PARK: A Friendly Helping Hand

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Forums -> Community Alerts -> Paranormal Investigators

Thread: I have an idea

Tubalover (OP): I have an idea but I need to know how cool @Phantom (MOD) the real Phantom is with fake dating before I say it.

Phantom (MOD): I’m okay with fake dating fakeout makeouts whatever but I have standards.

Tubalover (OP): I said I need the rela phantom.

Phantom (MOD): How do you know I’m not the real Phantom?

Tubalover (OP): He uses better punctuation.

The Smart Twin: Incredibly, I think she’s right?

Thecooltwin: Lol and you call youreself the smart one y didn’t you notice this

Phantom (MOD): Like my counterpart said, I’m fine with fake dating, but I do have standards.

Tubalover (OP): GREAT.  So the idea is that in every shot of the Investigators we get someone to make out in the background so they can’t air it.

Lovetheshow: don’t most shows have kissing in them?

Tubalover (OP): Maybe.  But do they have GAY kissing?  Background of every shot we have a gay couple or lesbian couple.  They’re a national show right?  Noway they can put it up.  And if they film you you can just grab a buddy and kiss them.

Roswell’s Child: I bet @West of West would LOVE to get in on this

tubahater: despite my hate for tubas I love you, yet desptie my love for you, I have to ask: do you know what a ‘live’ means when applied to a TV show?

CasperQueen: Girl this has got to be the most convoluted plan I’ve ever seen to avoid asking out a crush.

12th Knight: To be frank, if I heard that an episode of an on-site reality television show was pulled because there were too many gay people kissing in the background, I would be more tempted to visit, not less.

Tubalover (OP): Everyone shut up. 

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AMITY OF AMITY PARK: A Friendly Helping Hand

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Forums -> Ghosts -> Phantom -> Speculation

Thread: What ARE Phantom’s standards?

Point25Back (OP): What are Phantom’s standards for fake dating someone?  Asking for a friend who’s too shy.

Phantom (MOD): i like girls that can beat me aup and buffcomputer ners

Phantom (MOD): THAT WASN’T ME! THAT WASN’T ME!  @The Cooler Phantom IF WE WEREN’T ALREADY DEAD I WOULD KILL YOU.

.

AMITY OF AMITY PARK: A Friendly Helping Hand

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Forums -> Local Businesses -> Discussion

Thread: Weird at my gym

GET-GAINS (OP): Anyone know why we got so many teenagers trying to get gym memberships at the Body Shop all of a sudden?

My Hair: You don’t want to know.

12th Knight: I certainly wish I didn’t.

.

AMITY OF AMITY PARK: A Friendly Helping Hand

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Forums -> Community Alerts -> Paranormal Investigators

Thread: Possible solutions for the Investigation

Photosynthesis (MOD) (OP): I and the other mods don’t have great ideas for the other two at the moment, but as far as the ‘investigators’ go, I think we might be able to scam them by showing them obviously fake ghosts.  Cheap Halloween decorations, hoaky effects, people giggling in the background, that kind of thing.  Thing is, to cover all the places they might go, we’re going to need a lot of people and a lot of materials.  I’d like to hear other people’s thoughts on this, and if they’d be willing to pitch in.

Point25Back: that’s easy, just get [EDITED BY MOD] to do all of it.  his haunted house room sucked so hard that [EDITED BY MOD]

[@Point25back has been banned for two (2) days.]

Pharaoh (MOD): @Photosynthesis (MOD) I’m begging you to just let me permaban him.

Photosynthesis (MOD): I’m loath to ban someone with that much roid rage and that much access to your meat body.  But to stay on topic, we can’t just force one person to do this.  It’s too much work. 

12th Knight: When you say ‘roid rage,’ that’s rhetorical, right?

12th Knight: @Photosynthesis (MOD) Right?

Roswell’s Child: idk groups like this usually come prepped to fake their own ghosts.  Its like the moon landing

Photosynthesis (MOD):  Here we go.  I guess it was too much to hope for an actually productive thread.

Phantom (MOD): The moon landing was not faked!

.

AMITY OF AMITY PARK: A Friendly Helping Hand

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Forums -> Community Alerts -> Paranormal Investigators

Thread: But what if Roswell’s Child has a point?

Bog Mummy (OP): I’m not talking about the moon thing, but about that old post where she was trying to make out that a certain someone who won’t be named because I don’t want to be banned was a cryptid.  What if we put that certain someone in a bad Phantom cosplay and chuck him in front of Cryptid Crawl/Crawly/whatever his/her/their/whatever name is.  Make CC think that it was always part of the ghost scam. 

passthemike: Crawly is they/them. 

Phantom (MOD): Actually, I like this idea. 

Phantom (MOD): I think there might be some tech we can get from Fentonworks to make it more realistic too. 

Passthemike: So who’s going to do it?

Roswell’s Child: I nominate @West of West

Roswell’s Child: No wait wait amigos @Phantom (MOD) sohuld do it can you imagine

Pharaoh (MOD): @Phantom (MOD) You should do it.  Alive you, I mean. 

ashtree: OMG that would be epic and so ironic

Bog Mummy (OP): Roswell you might be a genius just for this. 

CasperQueen: Please.  As if he could capture even a fraction of Phantom’s natural charisma.

ashtree: That’s the point lol

Bog Mummy (OP): Think about it.  What would be lamer that some random loser kid running a hoax for some random loser town for tourism points.

Phantom (MOD):  Gee thanks.  (I think.)

Roswell’s Child: And think about whow west is gonna react.  Thisll be epic amigos.

Photosynthesis (MOD): Don’t let it go to your head.

Phantom (MOD): But didn’t you want me for that other thing?  The one we were talking about in the chat?

Pharaoh (MOD): No way.  This is much funnier. 

West of West: ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME

Pharaoh (MOD): See what I mean?

.

Mod Chat

Phantom (MOD): Okay.  So.  How are we going to divide this up? 

Phantom (MOD): I’m thinking we take the GGBE and try and get everyone else to distract the other guys, since the GGBE are the most actively dangerous ones.

Phrontist (MOD): I don’t know how I feel about you directly interacting with people who want to kill you. 

Phantom (MOD): Technically they don’t want to kill me.

Phrontist (MOD): We don’t have to do all that much with them, anyway, do we?  They already know that there are ghosts.  Can’t we just… I don’t know, hack into their cameras or something?

Pharaoh (MOD): Yeah, I’ve been working on it in between banning you know who. 

Phrontist (MOD): Sorry…

Phantom (MOD): I’m less worried about whatever videos they have and more worried about them steamrolling other people.  Or running in front of the investigation or cryptid guys while they’re filming. 

Photosynthesis (MOD): Ugh yeah.  I’ve been lurking the hunter forums, and one guy there said he’d gottne mauled by the tiger at some point. 

Phantom (MOD): Oh yeah, I think that happened to Lance Thunder, too. 

Photosynthesis (MOD):  It’s incredibly unethical for them to even have a tiger.  Who’s letting them keep it after it’s mauled two people???

Photosynthesis (MOD): Do you think we could call animal control on them?

Photosynthesis (MOD): I’m going to go hop over to the city services forums.

Pharaoh (MOD): Good luck.

Pharaoh (MOD): But, yeah, I think that you being a distraction for the GGBE is a good call.  How are going to handle it?

Phantom (MOD): I was thinking I could lead them out to that old industrial park and then play hide and seek.  Or maybe let them stay in the city, but whenever they got too close to something or too destructive, I’d show up and lead them away?  And you guys can spot me and run interference.

Phrontist (MOD):  I guess that if you have to, that would be the way to do it. 

Phantom (MOD): Thanks for the ringing endorsement, sis.

Phantom (MOD): Okay NOW what are we doing. 

Phantom (MOD): I mean, if I’m running around disguised as myself, I can’t very well be distracting the blasters. 

Photosynthesis (MOD): Don’t worry about it.  We’ll figure something out.

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AMITY OF AMITY PARK: A Friendly Helping Hand

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Forums -> Forum Development and Suggestions -> Suggestions

Thread: Videos and music?

Roswell’s Child (OP): I have some epic videos of my cousing reacting and also UFOs but I can’t upload them.  Is that feature coming anytime soon?????  I’d love to do it.  cYou mods do it sometimes and I want to shareeeeeeeee!!

Photosynthesis (MOD): Mod Pharaoh would usually answer these, but he’s busy right now, so you’re stuck with tech unsavvy me.  It’s my understanding that video hosting takes a lot of space.  Space takes money.  We… don’t have a lot of that, so we restrict video capability to Advice Blog posts hosted on our home servers.  If your video isn’t of a sensitive subject, you can upload it to another video hosting site and then link it.  However, be aware that the GIW does monitor internet traffic from Amity Park and has been known to take down ghost-related videos and other information, and even seize the physical equipment such videos are stored on.  Also, mods may remove links to videos that are bigoted or explicit.

merknlurk: i hate living in this ******* dystopian country

merknlurk: can’t even swear without getting censored

Photosynthesis (MOD): @merknlurk Suck it up and make your own secret website that the government won’t shut down, then. 

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AMITY OF AMITY PARK: A Friendly Helping Hand

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Forums -> Community Alerts -> Paranormal Investigators

Thread: An idea 🎂🍰

⭐MENU⭐MAVEN⭐: I have the most 🍪💟delicious💟🍪 idea for how to distract the 👻🔫s, children.  It’s quite obvious that anyone who is going around doing these things did not receive proper NUTRITION 🧂 🥓 🥚 🍳 🧇 🥞 🍞 🥐 🥨 🥯 🥖 🧀 🥗 🥙 🥪 🌮 🌯 🍗 🍖 🥩 🍠 🥟 🥝 🥥 🍇 🍈 🍉 🍊 🍋 🍌 🍍 🥭 🍎 🍏 🍐 🍑 🍒 🍓 🍅 🍆 🌽 🌶 🍄 🥑 🥒 🥬 🥦 🥔 🧄 🧅 🥕 growing up.  THEREFORE the only logical option is to bake a giant 🎂.  I will of course supply my expertise.

FootballPoet: Wait, dude, how did you get emojis? 

TECHNUS (MODEST OF MODS): нⷩAͣ!  Iͥᴛⷮ IͥS͛ Iͥ,̓ ᴛⷮEͤCͨнⷩNUͧS͛,̓ MⷨAͣS͛ᴛⷮEͤRͬ OͦF AͣLL ᴛⷮнⷩIͥNGS͛ EͤLEͤCͨᴛⷮRͬOͦNIͥCͨ AͣNDͩ ВⷡEͤEͤРⷬIͥNG!  Iͥ ВⷡEͤC��AͣMⷨEͤ AͣWAͣRͬEͤ OͦF YOͦUͧRͬ VͮIͥDͩEͤOͦ-̄LAͣCͨᴋⷦIͥNG S͛ᴛⷮAͣᴛⷮEͤ AͣNDͩ нⷩAͣVͮEͤ AͣРⷬРⷬLIͥEͤDͩ MⷨY EͤXͯРⷬEͤRͬᴛⷮIͥS͛Eͤ ᴛⷮOͦ MⷨAͣᴋⷦEͤ ᴛⷮнⷩIͥS͛ AͣРⷬРⷬ РⷬOͦРⷬ OͦFF GOͦVͮEͤRͬNOͦRͬ!

tubahater: Is this some kind of joke?

Tubalover: What the heck did I just read?

Valorous1: Is that a ghost?  Is that a ghost?  Since when are ghosts on here? @MOD are you going to do anything about this?

The Cooler Phantom: ghost s have leays been here val u no that

Valorous1: I didn’t mean you, you’re different. 

12th Knight: Regardless of whether or not there are ghosts on here in general, isn’t Technus the one who wrecked the computer lab at the high school last month? 

Phantom (MOD): As long as they aren’t hurting anyone, I don’t really care. 

Pharaoh (MOD): @Valorous1 I can only handle one crisis at a time and I’ve got at least four.  Deal. 

Cynosure: @Pharaoh (MOD) So, that’s the paranormal people, the guy who keeps unbanning himself, these guys, and what else?

Phantom (MOD): What three isn’t enough for you?  Let the guy have his rhetorical device.

Pharaoh (MOD): I’ve got a paper due at school.

My Hair!: You’re in school?  Please tell me you’re talking about the community college.

Phantom (MOD): Oh ancients I forgot I’m going to die.

My Hair!: You’re in school?

My Hair!: Phantom?

nobineryginger: hey if we can get back on track i’m really into this cake idea like yum

Locker724: Yeah!  This plan sounds like the bee’s knees!

[gunnerkriggcritical]

Great blog. I just want to say I planned my week around when Gunnerkrigg Court updated in my timezone until the Renard rescue fakeout anticlimax, which just felt like a betrayal, like the comic was actively insulting me for getting invested in its story (very Homestuck-ish, actually it's kinda freaky how they peaked and declined in very similar timeframes, although at least Homestuck ended eventually). I only checked in for big events like the end of the Jeanne arc (disappointing) and the Loupening (comical), and finally caught up on everything this month after hearing from friends how bad it has been recently. I find it really hard to believe Divine and Snare cold have been written by the same person, but somewhere along the way Gunnerkrigg went from excellent, to flawed but still capable of a good chapter, to absolutely dire. Also can you believe Loup has been in the comic for over a quarter of its lifespan?! The pacing and passage of time in comic has been so messed up since he showed up and first attacked the court, I can't get a handle on how much time is supposed to have passed at all.

Hold on, I have to look something up.

…holy god. You’re right. Five years. That’s how long Loup has been around. On one level, I can’t believe it—he still seems so new, and time has moved so fast. On another level, every moment he’s been present has been such a joyless slog that it feels like a million years, not five.

You’re exactly right - I have no idea how long has passed in-comic, either! Annie and Kat don’t seem to have been going to school, but they also don’t have jobs?? How old are they supposed to be at this point? The comic used to be neatly delineated by the girls’ school years. Now, I have no clue what year they’re in. It feels like only a few months have passed in the comic, if even that.

Thanks for a great ask. “The Loupening” made me laugh, and you’re right about how dire a state the comic is in. And it’s absolutely very difficult to believe that the same person wrote the incredible early chapters and these newer ones. I can’t say for sure exactly what changed, but it sucks.

[jancys-blue-bayou]

Don’t worry too much about Jancy

Like everyone I hate the completely unnecessary Stancy shipteasing they’re doing, dredging up the love triangle is doing it a disservice to all characters involved (esp Nancy, way to go “feminist” ST writers). It’s disgusting and pointless. But don’t be too worried. It may be unnecessary, pointless, disgusting and just plain bad writing, but I do think it’s all just shipteasing. Not that they’re actually intending to rekindle Stancy.

Because:

- Everything they did pre-s4 with both Jancy and Stancy, showing Stancy being a complete disaster as a couple and Jancy being the opposite. Also how they devoted time to showing Steve getting over Nancy as part of his development.

- The scene early in s4 where Jancy were talking about why they love each other felt very genuine and emotionally underscored.

- Jonathan is just confused about the relationship, his relationship with his family and the future. Not really wanting it to end (note how he immediately backpedals when Argyle challenges on if he wants to break up with Nancy. “I don’t know!” is pretty much the key words from Jonathan’s freakout scene, in regards to everything).

- Nancy is just confused by Jonathan’s recent behavior and it has made her a little bit insecure in the relationship.

- It’s clear Nancy misses Jonathan very much. You can see it when she goes snooping around with Fred, and later with Robin. Her dynamic with Robin improves as the season goes along but early on it really looks like all Nancy’s thinking is “God I wish I was doing this with Jonathan, he wouldn’t ask all these dumb questions, he just gets it.”

- Jonathan takes one look at a photo of him and Nancy and instantly formulates and executes a plan to go cross-country for her because she may be in danger.

- Nancy doesn’t really do anything in all the disgusting Stancy shiptease scenes. It’s all looks and actions that can be misconstrued. She picks spider web out of Steve’s hair - that’s not something romantic. She looks at Steve when he’s shirtless (and Robin gives her a look like she’s into it) - yeah he’s standing literally right in front of her about to jump into the UD. She jumps in after Steve - she would do that for anyone. She clings to Steve when shit is going down - yeah because she’d like die if she didn’t hold on to someone. She bandages Steve up - she would do that for anyone. None of hers (or Steve’s really) actions really imply romantic feelings, what makes them shipteasing is the diegetic music playing and the tropes referenced (wounded soldier fantasy for example). But the music can be used to misdirect and tropes can be subverted. Those choices can just be part of a fakeout.

- Apart from that, it’s other characters commenting on the ship, like Robin and Eddie. Do their words mean anything? No. Eddie doesn’t know them at all, disregard him. As for Robin: early on in the season they show that her own romantic life is a mess and she’s constantly doubting if she’s reading the situation right with girls she likes. Later with Nancy she straight up says she’s bad at reading social cues and stuff like that. I really think there’s a chance they will come back around to this. Jancy reunites, their love is shown, and Robin may even remark to Steve or whatever that she’s really bad at reading signals.

[sweetteaanddragons]

Rings of Power: Episode Six Review

Many, many spoilers ahead.

Southlands

- Post-volcano visuals were stunning; I want to steal them for Dagor Bragollach gifsets.

- If, you know, I ever make a gifset. 

- I thought the scene in the healing tent was highly moving, but I have to say, this is the third time I thought we’d find out Bronwyn was dead, and it’s not that I want her to die, it’s just that there’s only so many fakeouts I can care about.

- Speaking of: their treatment of Elendil’s grief for Isildur was fantastic. However.

- We all know Isildur isn’t actually dead.

- We are all very sure of this.

- And it’s not that I wanted anyone in particular to die from the volcano, it’s just that I feel strongly that if you are going to have a volcano erupt and you have an ensemble cast, someone central to the plot SHOULD die of it.

- Instead, even the creepy villager guy made it.

- Speaking of that side of things, the synopsis definitely pulled a fast one on me with Adar; I assumed he’d be coming up with a new name for himself, not the Southlands.

- . . . honestly, I think that reveal would have hit harder if they’d waited. The book fans already knew where this was going, but letting it be called Mordor by the narration really nails home that they’re not getting the land back, and I think they should have waited to nail this particular coffin closed. It’s inevitable, sure, but timing is everything.

- Oh, yeah.

- There’s also Celeborn.

- I literally shouted WHAT at my screen.

- Several times.

- Don’t get me wrong, I support him existing in the narrative, I just -

- This was such a bewildering direction to take with him.

- Him going out to fight in the war instead of staying in Doriath. Him being missing, presumed dead, when we all know he’s going to have to turn up again later.

- Why would you make this narrative choice? What is the plan?

- I have so many questions, and I’m not sure I want the answers.

Harfoots

- It’s a little thing, but I like that they say “hair of her foot” instead of “hair of her head.”

- I liked Poppy’s song about snails.

- In general, I like the slow dread of the smaller horrors the Harfoots had to face in this episode.

- I have mixed feelings about Poppy’s decision to go after the Stranger (can we just go ahead and call him Gandalf now? I feel really sure he’s Gandalf now). On the one hand, warning him is a noble goal; on the other hand, the Harfoots really need all hands on deck right now.

- Sadoc continues to be a standout character; I love how he clings to his traditions, but stills tries so desperately to be kind about it, like when he’s sending the Stranger away.

- I also love his final lines in the episode - the grumpy resignation of ‘we might as well do this’ that’s behind “Why not? We’re all going to die anyway,” and how he then throws himself into doing it, and the humor of, “How could we miss him? He’s a GIANT.”

- Very curious about the creepy people following the Stranger.

Dwarves

- I loved just about every scene that Durin was in.

- Love the references to Khuzdul and to dwarves’ secret names, though I don’t quite like the dwarf lords using it in front of Elrond, even quietly.

- So Durin has a brother! Who we haven’t heard from until now. Some kind of rift?

- Durin the elder disinheriting his son over the argument seems extreme.

- Disa’s reaction is . . . interesting. Up until now, she’s been a very positively focused character; her final scene with Durin here was giving me definite Lady Macbeth vibes. Our friend Disa is ambitious.

- I kind of like it.

- Like. It definitely puts a more morally gray vibe out there for her. But I think it could be fun.

- Not sure of the feasibility of that two man mining operation they had going, but I really liked the vibe between the two characters.

- And we have our balrog! Earlier than I was expecting him.

[milenadaniels]

911′s Use of Sexual Content and EddieAna

I’m still thirsty and still procrastinating so have more analysis! (Also help me procrastinate by participating in the very important thirst study here!)

I was reading this most excellent addition to our growing body of work on the relative possibility of canon Buddie sex scenes and thinking thoughts. To sum up the original analysis, we have determined that, for whatever reason, there is a sudden and sharp decline (near absence) of sexual content in 9-1-1 past early season 2.

What @toughpaperround​ pointed out is that we could, in the absolute, take the EddieAna homework scene as one source of sexual content and you know what? I AGREE! And what’s more, I find it extremely interesting. Let me blather on about why:

Let us point out that in the development of all other relationships on the show, physical intimacy has been a staple:

HenRen have multiple scenes in their bedroom, kissing

Bathena started season 2 hot and heavy with making out and still routinely kiss

Madney was founded on the most adorable kisses and Pinned is like an homage to their physical closeness

Veronica/Albert was visually implied to have had sex by his coming out of her shower

And though they’re over, the couple that started the show: Abby x Buck - it was actually a point of their relationship that they resisted physical intimacy...until they didn’t

I’m even going to throw in Buddie where we’ve had 3 whole hugs, more than we’ve seen Buck have with anyone and we know physical intimacy is very important to him

So I think it’s fascinating that while EddieAna is unarguably the new “developing” relationship on the show now that Madney have been moved into the “safely endgame” column, their claim to sexual content is a fakeout of implied sexual content (the panning from the abandoned supper to the trail of abandoned shoes, etc.) that gets immediately and summarily kiboshed two seconds later and replaced with literally the biggest turnoff for most people: math homework.

(People have spoken at length about this scene and the significance of EddieAna being literally cockblocked by Christopher/Buck so I won’t go over it again.)

I’ll just leave it at pointing out that season 4, to my knowledge, is mostly devoid of any sexual content and yet it acts as the stage for the (very rapidly) developing relationship of EddieAna. And instead of developing their sexual/romantic intimacy like the writers have done with every other romantic couple on the show, they went “lol naaah we don’t want that”.

And then Eddie goes through one of the biggest traumas of his life, and instead of giving us a scene where Eddie wakes up and they share that first on-screen kiss or develop any intimacy there, they....just don’t...instead they show Ana to be as vital to his recovery as the chair she camped out on. And when he gets home, she gets the same cheek kiss he gave Abuela.

All this to say I’m more convinced than ever that Ana was either always planned as a stepping stone in Eddie’s journey or became one fairly quickly after the date episode. I find it fascinating the lengths they’ve gone to to distinguish EddieAna as a couple that doesn’t get the same treatment as every other developing couple on the show.

An in relation to the original analysis linked at the start, I think this doubly improves the odds of canon Buddie getting on-screen sexual/romantic intimacy because we would know pretty much immediately that they’re endgame, which means they’d get all the bells and whistles Bathena and Madney did (dates, kissing, implied sex scenes).

P.S. There is always the consideration that EddieAna haven’t been shown as sexually intimate because the writers are pursuing an asexual relationship but I would argue we haven’t seen any indication of that identity emerging for Eddie as of yet, though it of course doesn’t preclude it in the future.

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Hunted

Welcome to “The Sam Who Mistook His Fellow Yellow-Eyed Minion Friend for a Ring: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

 Up today: S2E10: Hunted

 The cold open follows a young man describing his strange new powers to a psychiatrist. He is disturbed by his abilities and not getting much help. When his session is over, he is brutally murdered by an unseen assailant. Then Sam and Dean argue about John’s declaration that Dean would have to kill Sam if he couldn’t stop Sam from becoming evil. Dean wants to just cut and run to keep Sam safe, but Sam’s not having it. A tense scene follows of Sam breaking into an abandoned building and getting blown up, but wait—it’s a nightmare, of course. But it isn’t Sam’s nightmare? It’s a young woman we’ve never seen before waking up in a sweat and a panic. When Sam runs off to investigate the death of the young man from the opening, he meets Eva, the woman who had the nightmare—who’s come to warn him that she saw his death in a dream and that he’s in danger. Sam and Eva continue to look into the death until Gordon, who thinks Sam’s powers mean he should be hunted and killed, arrives and makes trouble. Gordon kidnaps Dean and uses him as bait to bring Sam to the very situation Eva saw in her dream. The boys make it through, of course, (after a few very tense moments), and Sam sets Gordon up for arrest. When Eva doesn’t answer her phone, Sam and Dean go to check on her, but find her fiancé dead in pools of his own blood in bed. There’s no sign of Eva, but her engagement ring is on the bedroom floor.

 Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

 Lor:

 the use of this music here is brilliant and kind of freaky

 Mace:

 agreed

 Lor:

 the way the scene escalates as the music escalates

makes me wonder if they picked the song first before they wrote the scene. or maybe you can just manipulate the footage you have to make it work in editing

 Mace:

 interesting

I have no idea how that sort of thing works

  Lor:

 me either

I can recognize that they did a thing with the pacing, but no clue how they make that work

 Mace:

 yeah

  Lor:

 oh boys. our poor babies

 Mace:

 right?

and Dean still being stupidly loyal to John

  Lor:

 yeeeah

and I can't decide who I feel worse for and I just circle back to fuck John

 Mace:

 YUP

i feel awful for both of them

  Lor:

 YUP

and poor Dean is like let's just run away. which is SO NOT HIM. only for Sammy

 Mace:

 YES

he’s choosing flight because he’s so scared he won’t be able to save Sammy if they stay and fight

  Lor:

 YEP

and the idea that he could be faced with having to decide if he's gonna kill his brother

 Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 which is EXACTLY where they end up but not til season FIVE and just. One show should not luck into/stumble onto so many neat resonances like that. I mean, it's one thing if it was aaaaalll planned beforehand but

 HA! this fakeout

 Mace:

 snork! agreed

 and YES to the fakeout!

  Lor:

 I love the idea of Dean just absolutely making the road house phone ring off the hook

 Mace:

 yep

  Lor:

 oh, never mind about that drama we stirred up a few eps ago...

 Mace:

 SNORK!

 god, Sam can do the hurt puppy look so well

 Lor:

 he really REALLY can

 ha! Supermassive Black Hole

is that the most recent song that's ever on the show?

 Mace:

 no idea but possibly

  Lor:

 I mean, I don't either, but it jumped out to me as having been recorded, like, after they were born

 Mace:

 snork!

  Lor:

 DANG Sam is good at this getting people to talk bit

 Mace:

 he SO IS

 UGH I hate that they make us kind of love this girl now

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 hahahahaha I love someone else giving a Winchester the “there's weird shit” speech

 Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 lolol her delivery on "one of who?" I love it

 Mace:

 YES

and it’s hilarious that she thinks Sam’s nuts instead of believing that they’re alike

  Lor:

 LOL YEP

 Mace:

 “your weirdo ass” HAHAHA

  Lor:

 his weirdo ass would help you address those invitations

 LOL

 Mace:

 HE WOULD

he’s such a sweetheart

  Lor:

 YES

 omg poprocks and coke

 Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 "thank god you're okay"

 Mace:

 OMG DEAN “Sam you sly dog"

  Lor:

 LOLOLOL YES

 Mace:

 oh god I JUMPED at the shot

  Lor:

 ME TOO

 Mace:

 what a dummy

 HAHAHA

  Lor:

 I FORGOT about this part. I mean I remember about the later stuff in this ep with Gordon, but

 "you'd do that to my brother?" pets him

 Mace:

 I even remembered it was coming but STILL jumped

 YES

  Lor:

 lol

 Mace:

 “DUDE. WHO ARE YOU"

  Lor:

 her gesture and the little noise!

 "I watch a lot of TJ Hooker" omg what a thing to pull out

 Mace:

 I love that he calls Dean when he realizes he needs him no hesitation

  Lor:

 YES

 FUNKY TOWN

 Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 "he thought of it"

 Mace:

 of course he did no question

  Lor:

 "sorry I shouldn't laugh"

 Mace:

 snork!

  Lor:

 oof the look on Dean's face

 Mace:

 YES

 “doesn’t matter. it’s my brother"

  Lor:

 YES

 I love him so much I'd definitely, you know, call 911 if he got bad hurt or anything...

 Mace:

 HAHAHA

  Lor:

 species, Gordon

 Mace:

 do NOT call him Sammy, Gordon

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 HOW much do I wish they'd made either Gordon or Victor a recurring GOOD GUY (I'd have preferred Victor, but whatever)

 Mace:

 RIGHT?!

  Lor:

 cause honestly Sterling K. Brown does an AMAZING job here

 Mace:

 he does

  Lor:

 god that silohoutte

silouhette

FUCK IT

 Mace:

 HAAAHAHAHAHA

 Mace:

 yes, Dean has the best silo hoot I’ve ever seen

  Lor:

 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

 the way he's pushing all Dean's buttons and it's working

 Mace:

 yeah

 and Jensen is PLAYING this scene

  Lor:

 YES

his microexpressions and body language is just spot on

 Mace:

 YEP

 of course Gordon aligns with John

  Lor:

 that makes John a horrible person, GORDON

 Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 oooof Dean

 Mace:

 right?!

  Lor:

 god that scene. kills me

 Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 haaaaahahahahaha and they've faked us out again

I LOVE IT

 Mace:

 YES

 don’t worry, Gordo, he’ll circle back round and get you later

  Lor:

 HA yep

 "it's Sam"

 Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 the way Dean shakes his arms cause he wants out of the ropes

 Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 the WAY HE LOOKS AT HIM AND THEN IS READY TO GO MURDER GORDON

 Mace:

 YAS

 Gordon calls himself a hunter and then holds his gun sideways like an idiot

  Lor:

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yep

 so this is very clever of Sammy but I really hate watching this scene

 Mace:

 YUP

I both revel that Gordon is getting his but am super uncomfortable with the idea of just how much he’s gonna get

  Lor:

 YEP

and just that image of the police cars swarming on a black man. just, we could not

 Mace:

 the worried look on Dean’s face when he realizes that now he has to worry about hunters too

  Lor:

 oooo that fog/mist coming out of the woods onto the road

 Mace:

 AGREED

  Lor:

 THAT'S NOT FUNNY, DEAN

 YEP

 Mace:

 “screw the job” Oh DEAN

  Lor:

 "I'm sick of the job anyway"

maybe in, oh, 14 years or so you should settle down with your very own angel, Dean

 Mace:

 HAHAHA YES

  Lor:

 "are you sweet on her?" that's kind of an adorable way to put that. and... old fashioned?

 Mace:

 it really is

 Dean doesn’t look a bit surprised

  Lor:

 he does not

 no, Sam, that's a ring

 Mace:

 snork!

[theimpossiblescheme]

The Rebirth of Lupin III

(I was rewatching Part 4, and this plot bunny took me hostage after watching Episode 14, “The End of Lupin III”.  After what was probably Lupin’s most harrowing near-death fakeout yet, I couldn’t help but wonder about the aftermath, and before I knew it I’d written this.  I hope everyone enjoys it!)

It wouldn’t have been the first time Lupin the Third “died.”  Hell, given his track record, it probably wouldn’t be the last either.  But damn if he hadn’t put on one hell of a show.  Old Pops had been wrapped around his little finger the entire time—the discarded meals, the weakened voice, the repeated talk about the end being near… that final scene with the shared cigarette… the genuine sorrow in Zenigata’s voice, even moreso than all the other times… it was his finest performance yet.

It might also have been his stupidest.

Turned out skipping meals for multiple months, only eating what he absolutely had to in order to finish the painting on the cell floor… that kind of stunt tended to really negatively impact your health.  Go figure. The amount of times he’d blacked out midway through mixing his makeshift paints, or he’d felt the acid from his own empty stomach rising into his throat as he worked… he’d honestly lost count.  Walking made him dizzy, and that last cigarette tasted like nothing so much as burning tar on his lips, even as he forced himself to finish it.  That final scene, hearing his ears ring as Pops spoke and feeling his hands shake under his blanket, really did feel like one.  Empty stage as Lupin collapses before he can even unveil his master plan. Before he can live up to Pops’ faith in him.  Lights out. Curtain.

It had been an honest to God miracle he’d made it farther than that.  Standing to gloat over his victory as Zenigata finally opened the cell made his legs teeter dangerously, and his throat still felt raw, but if he was going to live to see the finale, by God he was going to make it an unforgettable one.  He’d managed to walk away smiling as Pops could do nothing but laugh in hysterical disbelief, and Lupin felt a bit of that hysteria bubbling up in his own lungs, too.  He’d actually pulled it off… damn, somebody up there must really like him.

Somebody out on the bay liked him, too, apparently.  As soon as Rebecca and Robson’s motorboat sped into view, Lupin wasted no time leaping into the water after it.  Finally, another familiar face—even if his limbs felt like they might snap at any moment, he was still going to make it out to them.  To know that Rebecca had made it out alive, that she hadn’t given up on him even after so long.  When she hauled him up into the boat, his head lolled onto her shoulder against her neck, and he noticed her perfume had changed.  Some new label must have sent her fresh samples… she smelled nice, like a fruity cocktail on a summer day…

Rebecca brushed a lock of hair out of his face, and he suddenly became very aware of how long he’d let it get.  “You look terrible,” she said with a very faint smile.

Lupin managed a wheezing chuckle in response.  “Yeah, probably.”

And then he blacked out again.

*

When he came to, he was in an actual bed.  With sheets and a pillow.  What a difference it made on his neck—sleeping on concrete had done him no favors.  On the endtable beside him was a bowl of stew, still hot, and a cup of what smelled like lemon tea.  Not his favorite, but beggars and choosers and all that, and Robson really didn’t have to go to the trouble.  Besides, after so long actively avoiding any food provided him, it smelled goddamn delicious.  Even with his arms and legs still feeling like matchsticks, Lupin still managed to sit up and help himself.  The stew was gone in nothing flat, and the tea was half-finished and cooling by the time Lupin felt strong enough to stand up.  The Rosselini’s guest rooms were comparatively plain next to the rest of the house, but they could still stand up respectably with any of Fujiko’s favorite upscale hotels.  

(Where the hell was Fujiko… or Jigen or Goemon for that matter… best not to think of that right now. He’d only just woken up, after all. There was still time… there was nothing but time now.)

And of course, the décor was hardly the highlight.  Propping himself against the wall, he turned the latch on the window and opened it, letting the morning breeze waft in and the sun warm his face for the second time in God knew how many days.

San Marino was still beautiful.  A jewel too big to pocket, but not too small to admire.  Lupin stood for a long moment drinking in the view before turning to the guest bathroom.

The sight that greeted him there was less than beautiful.  He still had the damn beard and long tangled hair, but that wasn’t the worst of it.  His cheeks had hollowed out into nothing, and his skin had gone so grey and cold from darkness and malnutrition it may as well not be there at all.  A skull framed with dark hair stared back at him from the mirror, and it took all of Lupin’s self-control not to hurl the half-digested stew and tea into the sink.  Of all the times he had to actually almost die, it had to be when he didn’t even look like himself.  A disguise would be one thing—his true face and body would still be underneath—but this…

This wouldn’t do.

Luckily, a razor and shaving cream had been left on the counter for him.  Lupin immediately snatched them up and began to fill the sink with hot water, actually tapping his foot impatiently as it didn’t fill fast enough.  He needed to see his face again, needed to know that it was still him under all this. When the sink was full, he wet the razor and hurriedly slathered the shaving cream across his chin and cheeks, even carelessly getting some into his hair.  This would be fine.  He’d be fine. Good as new, even.

If only his hands would stop freaking shaking…

He lifted the razor to the underside of his chin and instantly felt his hand slip.  A few seconds of panic preceded the bolt of pain as he felt blood drip into his fingers.  Damn it all… dammit dammit dammit, why’d he have to let it go this far?

“Lupin?”

The voice didn’t come from the door, but instead the window.  Lupin barely even processed that before wheeling around, knees weak and face burning with embarrassment.  He couldn’t let anybody see him like this, not even—

“Goemon!”

His samurai still had one leg out the window as he climbed through, but he froze in place upon seeing Lupin framed in the bathroom door.  A hundred different emotions warred in his eyes, and Lupin wanted so badly to run over and hug him before Goemon’s face settled into its usual stoicism. “Is this where you’ve been all this time?”

“Ah… not exactly,” Lupin said sheepishly, reaching a hand to the back of his neck and internally cursing the cold sweat that had gathered in his hair.  “I’m not really sure how long I’ve been here.  Rebecca and her butler came to get me after I got away from Pops.”  Another poor excuse for a chuckle wheezed out of him.  “Lemme tell you… they don’t half kid around locking somebody up here if they want ‘em locked up… it’s a lot worse if you don’t have the key.”

“I can see that.” Goemon finally drew closer, studying Lupin intently.  “You don’t look like you had an easy time of it.”

“Honestly, does anybody have an easy time in prison?  That’s why I try to stay out of it, y’know.”  But it was hard to keep even a weak smile in place, looking at Goemon now… God, he really could have died.  He could have never seen him again, or any of his gang.  Faking a grand exit for the benefit of Interpol, knowing he could return when the coast was clear, was so much different.  And Goemon looked so healthy next to him—he’d even put on a bit of weight for once, which told Lupin that Jigen must have found him a nice Japanese place outside San Marino.  Hell, compared to Lupin’s sorry state, he looked downright beautiful.  It felt like it had been years… Lupin could stand there staring at him for even longer than that.  How must Jigen and Fujiko look at this exact moment?  Were they worried about him?  Were they okay?  All at once, he wished they were all here, together, and that he didn’t look like the freaking Crypt Keeper when he went to greet them.

Goemon reached up and touched Lupin’s cheek with his fingertips, and Lupin tried very hard not to lean into the touch as he had with Rebecca.  “I’m not sure if the beard suits you, though.  Or the long hair.  You look a bit like something else crawled onto your head and died.”

That got a stronger, if extremely wry, smile out of him.  Nice to know both their senses of humor were intact.  “Yeah, not a fan myself… I don’t suppose you could…?”  He raised his eyebrows.

“I’m not using my sword to give you a shave, Lupin.”

“No, not with Zantetsuken, dummy—just use the razor.”  There was the arch, fussy side of Goemon… he had to admit, he’d missed that, too.  Nodding as if he’d understood all along, Goemon picked up the razor and washed away the blood before cupping a hand around the back of Lupin’s neck and letting him lean back as he worked.  His hands were much steadier, almost gentle in their grip, and he was always a few degrees warmer than Lupin himself.  Endless physical exercise would do that, Lupin supposed—ironic, considering how much time he spent under freezing cold waterfalls and out in the snow. Fujiko’s hands were always just on the comfortable side of cold, but she avoided that kind of exertion if she possibly could.

“Where are the other two?” Lupin asked, trying to move his jaw as little as possible so he wouldn’t obstruct Goemon’s work.  “Are they--?”

“They’re both fine.  Fujiko had rented out a beach house on the Italian mainland to wait for you, and Jigen had been spending time at one of the casinos. When I called to let them know you’d escaped, they told me they were on their day—they should be here this evening.”

Thank God…  “So you finally figured out that phone I gave you, huh?”

“I’m not actually from the Sengoku Period, Lupin—I know what a cell phone is and how to use it.” He paused to wash off the razor again, and a very light pink stained his cheeks.  “Fujiko also helped a great deal.  Especially our first night in San Marino.”

“Oh, I’ll bet.”  For once, Lupin hadn’t meant it with any lewd intent, but it didn’t stop Goemon from yanking his head back a trifle harshly as he found a new angle with the razor.  “They’ve gotta be pretty pissed, too… that I took so long.  I know I would be.”

“They’re upset, certainly. But no more than usual for you.” It wasn’t said with any real malice, just as a blunt statement of the truth, but it still stung.  Did it make it any better or worse that for once—out of all the times he’d faked his death—he actually feared it might be for real? Instead of just an act he’d strung them along on for the sake of the greater plan?

Probably worse.  At least all those other times, the plan was to come back.

“I’ll do better next time.” And he really did mean it. Although he’d probably stave off the “next time” for as long as he could—one impregnable prison cell full of rotten uneaten food was enough.  “And I’m definitely not gonna let it go this far.  Believe it or not, the beard isn’t even the worst of it.  With my hands the way they are, I’d hate to think what’ll happen when I need to pee.”

“As long as Jigen doesn’t have to hold you up.”  There was no smile on Goemon’s face, but there was one in his voice.  “And I know for a fact he’ll hold you to that promise.”

Lupin couldn’t help but grimace.  As much as he’d love to see his gunman again… “Yeah, not looking forward to that conversation.  Not just ‘cause I’m gonna bruise like a banana if he punches me.”

“I’ll do my best to separate you.” There was the smile—it softened up the prematurely harsh lines of Goemon’s face as it always did, and Lupin had to remember to keep his head still and resist the temptation to kiss his cheeks until his lips went numb.  Rinsing off the razor again, Goemon tilted Lupin’s head slightly to his right.  “I might be at this for a while—please promise me you’ll never grow a beard again.”

“You got it, man.  And I got all the time in the world.”

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x02-- Once there was a court...

Season five is off to a great start. I’m feeling more energized about TGF than I have in ages, maybe since the beginning of season three. After the mostly standalone premiere, I wasn’t sure what to expect from the rest of the season. Episode two introduced a lot of new elements that I’m intrigued by and excited about, so here’s hoping the rest of the season can sustain that energy. (Many) more thoughts under the cut.

And, again, since the most consistent thing about Tumblr is its inability to roll out new features that are actually helpful, here is a link to view the post so you don’t have to read it all on your dash. (Omg, Tumblr, not only do you force people to keep reading on their dashes but you also jump down to the middle of the post when the full version opens? Do you have ANYONE beta test these features?)

Reddick/Lockhart is bustling when the episode opens. The fact they’re calling it Reddick/Lockhart seems like an indication that Liz chose to partner with Diane—it's not. The firm just needs a name, and it can’t have Boseman in it. (The signage still says RBL... for now.)

Everyone in reception is talking animatedly, except for Carmen Moyo, who’s just taking it all in. You might be tempted to read her as nervous. You would be very, very wrong. But we don’t know that now. Right now, it wouldn’t be wrong to assume she’s Maia 2.0. This scene strongly parallels Maia’s first day at the firm (opening with the reception saying “Good morning” and the firm name, then showing new associates waiting for an orientation by David Lee). And in that scene, Maia is absolutely nervous, like you’d expect a new hire might be.  

Carmen focuses on another associate’s hand. I assume this is meant to be a parallel to how Maia fidgets with her rosary ring in that initial scene. Carmen then peels a price tag off her portfolio—possibly another Maia parallel, since the portfolio Diane gives Maia is such an important symbol in Maia’s arc.

I also see shades of Alicia and her first scene here—Alicia's silent and focuses on small details (the thread on Peter’s jacket) too.  

I don’t say any of this in hopes of comparing Carmen directly to either of those characters. Carmen is not like any other character this show has had before. But these parallels are quite good at establishing character, building intrigue, and showing contrast (even if you don’t see them as parallels, we’re still getting a lot about Carmen just from watching her reactions, even if we don’t yet have the context to understand how to read Carmen). Since I’m now thinking about Maia and Alicia, I’m also now thinking about how Carmen is different from them and triangulating her spot in this universe—that's a good thing. She’s not a copy of either character, but I understand a little more about what the writers are telling me about her from the parallels.

The RBL sign in the background is being taken off the wall. It falls and adds even more chaos to reception.

David Lee walks in and screams, “Stand up! Those seats are for clients.” This is the exact same language he uses in the 1x01 scene; this is definitely an intentional parallel.  

Btw Carmen already has more personality than Maia and she’s been in one episode so far! I didn’t hate 1x01 Maia, but I will say that nearly everything that intrigued me about early Maia was that I could project more about Alicia (whom I, obviously, care a lot about) onto her. I can and will compare Carmen to Alicia, but when I do, it won’t be because Carmen is an interesting lens through which to analyze Alicia... it will be because Alicia is interesting precedent to use to understand Carmen.  

I still hate Maia, yep.

David Lee accidentally instructs a client to stand and then has to save face, heh.  

In David’s tour of the office, we see the partners squabbling. Sounds about right. And STR Laurie is still a thing, which explains why David is there (though not why he is giving a tour).  

Throughout the tour, we get a lot of shots of Carmen. Again, she’s silent and looks like she could be nervous. (Spoiler: this is a fakeout and when you rewatch this scene, you can see what new cast member Charmaine Bingwa is doing here—expertly putting on a face that looks like anxiety in one context, but is actually just Carmen calmly sizing things up.)

Marissa eagerly joins the tour. “That’s right. They’re letting you play lawyer, Marissa. How nice,” David says. Carmen takes this in, too. “Fucking prick,” Marissa mutters. Carmen hears.

David Lee introduces “someone from HR” which is a great sign that HR is very effective at this firm.  

In the conference room, the partners are still arguing about who should replace Adrian. Diane tries the “all options are open to us and we plan to decide in the next 48 hours” strategy, but this audience is too smart for that. Madeline asks about the new leadership structure. (I am kind of hoping that one nice side effect of having to kind of shoot the season in a COVID bubble will be that we’ll get more small recurring characters. Madeline’s been around for a little while but we’re already seeing her get to do more this year.)

“Diane and I are going to run the firm together. For now,” Liz says. Oh, no, Liz, do not open the door to change. Letting the partners know you’re not sure is probably the worst strategy. You’ve gotta decide or they’ll sense weakness.  

“Just the two of you? A black firm being run by a white woman?” a partner asks. “Well, I’m not running it alone. I’m here to assist Liz,” Diane says, trying to deflect. “Really? Because she needs assistance?” he counters. Diane doesn’t know what to say, but she and Liz both know these questions aren’t going to go away.

HR is running an orientation for the new hires and it involves having them all take pieces of toilet paper. Man, I hate ice breakers. Carmen takes a moderate amount and then passes it to Marissa, who takes only one square. Carmen notes this and makes eye contact with Marissa. And this is where it starts to become obvious that Carmen is not nervous—just observant and not chatty. Carmen knows Marissa is one to watch from how David reacted to her presence. She gives Marissa a look that’s meant to be noticed and start a conversation. It works, and Marissa explains that for each square you take, you have to share a fact about yourself. Carmen hates this and hides the rest of the toilet paper so she only has one square.  

Liz tries to say there will be a discussion about the partnership, and Daniel (that’s what the captions call him, though they do reference him as “Barry” at one point but I'm like 99% sure I know which actor is Barry and it’s not him) says it feels like they’re just being told what the new state of things is. Liz says she hears him but right now they need a senior associate to backfill Lucca.

Daniel doesn’t think they need one. I don’t get why, unless it has to do with the budget cuts.  

“We need someone with real experience to take on her caseload,” Liz notes. Hell yeah you do!

Liz asks if any of the partners want to take over family law. None do.  

After the meeting, Liz asks Diane if she can call a head hunter. Diane approves. David Lee pops up to ask which one of them is taking Boseman’s office and they haven’t discussed it yet. I love that they managed to order a sign with their names on it before they’ve talked about how being partners will actually work.  

(Also, Adrian’s office is quite obviously going to end up with Liz. And it would be weird if it were Diane, anyway, because it’s Diane’s old office from Lockhart/Gardner and it would look it if she sat there again lol)

David notes that an empty corner office looks like failure. He is correct. He gives them until Friday to decide.

Marissa does not like the ice breaker at all and pointedly notes she only has one secret, and it is that she used to be married to a mime. She makes a whole bit out of it and then whispers to Carmen, “I usually just make things up.”  

Carmen’s next and she finally gets to speak her first words of the series. You know who else didn’t speak at all in her first scene? Alicia Florrick. Very different scenes, but I can’t help but think this is intentional. From what I’ve seen of Carmen, both she and Alicia use silence strategically and are comfortable with quiet. Alicia’s first scene is silent because she doesn’t need to use words to be expressive, but it does establish that she’s going to be a character with a lot of internal thoughts she won’t vocalize and that she’s observant and tries to maintain composure. Sure, you can watch the first scene of Pilot and just see a woman who’s stunned into silence, but when you watch it knowing Alicia and realize how much of the essential parts of her character are in her totally silent intro sequence that kicks off the show... it’s kind of amazing.

So comparing Carmen’s introduction to that? I mean this as a huge compliment. Carmen deploys silence for reasons both similar and different to Alicia. While Alicia uses silence to maintain some kind of boundary between her inner thoughts and the outside world, Carmen uses it to get a chance to observe and take things in without showing her cards. (We do see Alicia do that as well, especially at work, but I would call this a side-effect of Alicia being a quiet person rather than her intention; Carmen seems to be more conscious of how she uses her silence.)  

Carmen is from Victorville, California. That means nothing to me but I’m sure there’s some significance. Carmen mimics Marissa’s response when asked for her secrets—she also responds with, “secret,” emphasizing she only has one. But what she says next also shows her in contrast to Marissa. She says her secret is she hates games. We already know so much about her and she’s said like ten words!  

I think it’s smart to set Carmen up as a contrast to other characters. I know who Carmen is not because of how she differs from more familiar presences like Alicia, Maia, and Marissa. Marissa hates ice breakers, but her reaction to them is to use them as an opportunity to say something funny and over the top. Many others (including probably both Alicia and Maia) would likely resent the activity but play along and say something unremarkable (I could see Alicia overthinking it and sharing something surprisingly quirky though!). Carmen just does not give a fuck, and in a different way than Marissa doesn’t give a fuck. Marissa insinuates that she thinks the whole activity is stupid... Carmen just flat out says it. I would not pull this move on my first day of a new job! And that is the point—who is this person who is so self-assured she’s willing to insult HR on her very first day of her very first job as a lawyer?  

ALL OF THIS FROM A FEW WORDS AND SOME WELL-ACTED GLANCES! As I said, I’m very intrigued by Carmen. I have some questions about the logistics of this plot, her endgame, and how she’ll function when brought into the firm drama/debate plots, but for now, I only have good things to say.  

Liz interrupts the ice breaker to announce that everyone will be assigned a mentor. She then pauses to greet Marissa, which Carmen, again, notices. Liz is really there to say that they’ll be working on client maintenance that day, and each new hire will get to help with one of their clients. When she reads off their top clients, all the hands shoot up—except Carmen’s.

Madeline’s last name is Gilford. Noted. John’s last name is Wilson.  

No one raises their hand to assist with Oscar Rivi, who is in a maximum-security prison. Carmen confidently raises her hand.  

Barry’s last name is Poe. Noted.

Marissa and Carmen exchange glances. Super curious to see how this evolves. There are too many Marissa/Carmen exchanges in this episode for the writers to not plan to have them interact more in the future.

I’m kind of loving that it seems like the show’s leads are now Diane, Liz, Marissa, and Carmen. Diane’s obviously great, Liz is someone who’s been deserving of leading material for ages, Carmen seems interesting, and I’m so impressed they have managed to make Marissa, usually good in small doses, into a character who can handle larger plots without wearing on my patience (like that awful Elsbeth centric episode of Wife).  

Diane has a client who received a summons directly, which Diane finds strange. But, since she is already working with this client on the same case (teaching kids during COVID) in another court, Diane is optimistic about this second suit. She thinks it could set a good precedent.  

Diane introduces Phoebe, an associate who will help out on the case. Diane says she’s not personally going because it’s a formality and Diane needs to work on the brief. I’m like 99% sure Diane isn’t personally going because Diane’s role here is to convince the client she’s getting senior-level attention while having junior people do the work, but nice story!  

Diane asks Marissa to go along with Phoebe. Marissa thinks she’s going to get to argue in court... Diane says no, Marissa gets to hand hold a client.  

Oscar Rivi is basically Lemond Bishop, which is the only explanation I have for why RL would represent him. And, you’ll recall, I didn’t understand why RL would represent Bishop either. But we’ll just have to go with it.  

(I think representing multiple drug lords is probably a bigger PR issue for RL than having a white partner! How come no one ever talks about this! Actually, new complaint: wasn’t Liz, who now has more power than before, the one who was most against representing Bishop?)  

(I guess it may make sense that she’d be more okay with this Rivi dude than Bishop. Whatever Rivi’s done, I don’t think he’s threatened Liz’s kid like Bishop did!)  

(Also, I’m fine with them switching it up and suddenly having this new drug kingpin. Mike Colter is obviously unavailable since he’s a lead on Evil, and I was tired of Bishop anyway. If the writers stop using Bishop and Sweeney as shorthands for corruption I will be very happy; I don’t think there’s much more mileage left there. Speaking of, Dylan Baker popped up in 2x02 of Evil!)  

“I don’t want you to be intimidated,” Barry tells Carmen as they arrive at Rivi’s prison. Carmen reads articles about Rivi on her phone, saying she’s taking notes. Barry tells Carmen to “sit, listen, leave.” But then he discovers his ID is expired (he didn’t get it renewed during the pandemic) and he can’t go visit Rivi as a result. Carmen says she’s fine alone—she'll sit, listen, leave. She’s calm and not at all cocky as she says it, and it really takes until she’s actually talking with Rivi to realize that she’s not (just?) a hypercompetent law school grad trying to impress. She doesn’t seem to care at all what people, no matter how powerful, think of her, as long as she’s able to find security of any sort. (Tbh, it is kind of amazing she doesn’t get fired in this episode.)  

(I’m getting ahead of myself but in Alicia’s first ep, she also changes up strategies on the partners. Alicia does it almost without realizing she’s gone against their wishes—she's just sure of the right strategy—and Carmen does it much more intentionally.)  

Marissa and Phoebe can’t locate Judge Wackner’s court. Marissa asks a security guard she’s friendly with (of course she is) for help. He says there’s no Judge Wackner there, and the security guard notices that it’s a summon for a “9 ¾ Circuit.” The guard laughs at the Harry Potter reference; Marissa is not amused. They leave the courthouse when Marissa spots a sign for “9 ¾". She follows the sighs down an alley. Phoebe wants nothing to do with this; Marissa and the client are intrigued. They end up in a store called Copy Coop and are directed to a warehouse.

In the warehouse, an argument is resolved through Rock, Paper, Scissors. Then it’s Marissa’s turn. She asks for a continuance just like she was supposed to, but she uses the wrong phrasing. Judge Wackner notices. That’s when Marissa notes she’s not a lawyer, and Wackner responds that he’s not a licensed judge. So it’s fine that Marissa isn’t a lawyer.  

Marissa tries to protest again that she’s not a lawyer, and Wackner basically tells her to proceed anyway. The client wants to stay, weird as this fake court seems.

Carmen reads with Rivi. She stares at him, getting him to speak first. His translator asks if there’s another lawyer with her; she just introduces herself. The translator does a terrible job of translating Rivi’s complaints, sharing very little of what Rivi said with Carmen.

Unsurprisingly (to me at least, because scenes like this ALWAYS have the twist where a character doesn’t let on that they speak the language until the exact right moment), Carmen speaks Spanish.

She lets Rivi know she speaks Spanish AND insults the translator in one go. Pretty big move. That gets Rivi’s attention and he kicks out the translator. He asks who she is and she repeats her name again (characters reacting like this will never not remind me of “Who are you?” “Kalinda.”).

Carmen notes that she’s just out of law school, explaining that’s why she’s eager to help. She doesn’t reveal that by mistake—she's using it to her advantage.  

Credits! As I predicted, things are blowing up again this week like normal. No more kittens and puppies. There’s a new couch that blows up in the credits. Wackner’s desk also makes it in. I can’t remember if the purses were in this position before; they might be new. All the exploding TVs show footage of January 6th (which I hear is going to be a major theme of the season, though it’s not heavily featured in this episode). And the zoomed in shot of the closet (that I’ve never really liked) is gone, as is the falling curtain!  

I still hate the font of the logo for this show. I also don’t understand why the show seems to have three logos—the one that’s the TGW logo but with “fight”, the one in the credits, and whatever the one they’ve come up with for this season’s marketing materials is. I like that they’re trying with the marketing of this season but I don’t get why the show has three logos.  

While I’m talking about the marketing, can we just talk about the “Goodbye Lucca” graphic the official social media account posted? It had a fucking crown drawn over her head like this is a 2013 Tumblr shitpost!!! Who are they targeting with this?! WHO ARE THEY MARKETING TO? DOES THIS WORK ON ANYONE??? It literally says, “Chi-Town” on it. I cringed so hard. Sometimes I feel like the marketing of this show is meant to cater to the people who would, like, watch the credits of last week’s episode and be like, “Yes! It IS all now puppies and kittens! Everything bad in the world has been resolved!”  

But hey, at least it’s better than the absolute trash they used to post for TGW. Remember when there’d be episodes about Alicia making career moves and they’d be like, “#TeamPeter or #TeamWill????”  

OR, OR OR OR, the fucking time they tried to crosspromote TGW and the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show (yes) with a tweet that read, “All ‘Saint Alicia’ needs is a pair of wings&she practically turns into an Angel.” I... have no words.  

Hey, Caleb is back! I was not expecting them to actually wrap up his arc with Liz. I think I’m actually pretty thankful it’s ending like this—he comes back for what I assume is one last episode and I don’t actually have to deal with the Liz/Caleb plot. Apparently the writers were setting that up so they could do some plots about power dynamics and interracial couples and who is seen as having power. Caleb and Liz were going to have an encounter with the police, who were going to listen to Caleb instead of Liz even though this encounter would’ve taken place in Liz’s house and Liz is the name partner and Caleb the employee. Interesting enough, but anything boss/employee just squicks me out and I don’t need it around and Liz deserves better.

But I did like Caleb as a character, so I’m glad he gets an exit, unlike past characters who have just disappeared. (Remember Robyn Burdine? Or that time Taye Diggs was a major character for two seconds?)  

Liz was NOT expecting to see Caleb as a candidate for Lucca’s old role. Things are instantly awkward. I guess Caleb left STR Laurie?  

Diane immediately senses that things are awkward with Liz and Caleb. Caleb is very professional throughout all this. Diane gets an important call and leaves the room, so Caleb and Liz can chat privately.  

Caleb says he thought Liz was reaching out; Liz says she should’ve reached out but things ended abruptly. Love that Caleb checks that no one else is in the room with Liz before getting even more personal. He says they should just act like nothing ever happened between them and Liz asks if he can do that. “I’m the employee. Of course I can,” he says. This is why you don’t sleep with employees.  

He says he really does want the job and he liked the firm. Liz says she’ll talk to Diane. Caleb says if it doesn’t work out he’ll be fine.  

Phoebe tells Diane about 9 ¾ and Diane does not understand... at all. “If it has no power, and it doesn’t have jurisdiction, what does it have?” Diane wonders.  

A little more on the case: RL is representing a woman who taught a small group of students during the pandemic, and some parents are suing her for preaching socialism at the children.  

The woman suing did NOT like being called a Karen by her daughter or being compared to the family from Parasite. She wants a refund.  

Marissa objects and makes up her own grounds, realizing that since it’s not a real court, she can object for any reasons she wants—as long as they follow common sense.  

These scenes could so easily feel ridiculous, like a gag that goes on for too long. They do not. There’s just enough zany humor and theatrics to make the 9 ¾ court feel surreal. And, most helpfully, Wackner is a GREAT judge. He is engaged with the work and only concerned with the facts and arguments rather than politics. He’s tough but fair. He’s direct and he maintains control over his court. He’d be one of the best judges in a normal court. His sincerity is enough to make you wonder why courts DON’T operate like this. It’s easy to see why the characters are sold on this BS-free, rational, and effective system, even if it makes no sense that it would exist and it has no power. It’s simultaneously idealistic (if only things were resolved fairly) and threatening (how can something like this exist?! What does it mean that the real courts are so ineffective that there’s a need for something like this?! What happens if this goes beyond what are basically mediations for simple issues?).

This type of thought experiment is where TGF excels. I think they were going for something like this with Memo 618 (which hasn’t gone away!), but that arc always felt like it was on the verge of going off the rails. Mandy Patinkin’s performance and the writing for the 9 ¾ court already have me more invested in this than I was in Memo 618.  

Marissa tries yet again to wait for help to arrive, but Wackner insists that they keep things moving. She tries to stall and ends up referencing George Clooney. Wackner cuts through that, too—he hates speeches “unless I'm giving them, and even then I’m just trying to stall.” Then he holds up a sign that reads, “CUT THE SHIT” and the audience laughs. He says this isn’t the kind of court where you can just run out the clock. Kind of ridiculous that real court IS that kind of court, no? (And that’s why this is an effective device so far.) (I say so far because I have watched content from these writers for long enough to know that things that work in small doses or initially can go wildly off the rails.)  

Marissa changes strategies and does what she does best: she goes on instinct and adjusts her strategy as she goes. She eventually catches the woman accusing her client of teaching socialism in a lie about Parasite. It’s very Legally Blonde and very smart of Marissa. And I’m rather proud of myself for seeing what Marissa was doing (getting the woman to commit to a time frame and then baiting her to talk about a moment that proved the time frame fake) before she revealed what she was doing.  

Sarah Steele is so good in this scene. I love her smile when she realizes the woman took the bait, and that she reacts with “AHA!” instead of something more proper. This is pretty much the perfect court for Marissa.  

Diane and Jay arrive; are confused.  

Carmen leaves Rivi after quite a bit of time has passed, making Barry nervous. Carmen tells him very little and repeats that she sat, listened, and left. She told the translator to go fuck himself (almost in those words) so she’s gotta know that Barry will hear what happened from someone. She does not care. She lies to Barry like it’s nothing.  

Diane does not understand the 9 ¾ court, nor does she understand why a non-lawyer like Marissa is arguing. She does not understand why losing in this venue would matter or why a lawyer she knows (ha, I looked him up to see if he’d been on Wife or Fight before, and he has... as a totally different character!) is there.  

“Okay, I’m losing my mind. Look, this is not legal. We have got to get out of here,” Diane says. Toni, the client, wants to stay.

I don’t actually know the answer to this—would there be repercussions to someone who is a member of the bar participating in something like this? Everyone knows it’s not real or binding, so nothing is being misrepresented, but this FEELS illegal?  

Toni notes that a lot of people suing her are there watching, so walking out or losing would look bad. She also likes Judge Wackner because he is “better than the judges in real court.”

“Diane, what is real?” the client asks when Diane points out again that this court is fake. The client’s spent 8 months on this case in limbo, so this feels like reality to her. Fair point.  

Diane chats with the other lawyer and asks what he’s doing here. He says he’s getting paid—with business down and court dockets backlogged (how much would that affect a large firm that settles most cases out of court? I’m actually curious about this), it’s a good source of money.  

Diane realizes it’s basically arbitration. Then says she doesn’t understand anything anymore. The other lawyer replies, “Sure you do. That’s why this is throwing you. Welcome to 2021.” Yup.  

Diane goes with it. A former teacher is on the stand. He’s got a grudge and wants money, so he’s helping out. He tries to say something that is the most obvious hearsay ever... and Wackner has no problem with it. Marissa likes that.  

Wackner basically says he’s fine with hearsay because he can use his brain to figure out what’s real and what’s fake, just like we all do every day. Crosstalk is also allowed.  

Wackner also doesn’t allow for bullshit breaks where lawyers tell clients what to say, because he “likes the truths found in sudden utterances.” All his rules make a lot of sense. They are all also counter to every single sneaky legal strategy these characters tend to use.

Toni made a comment that she “couldn’t fall in love with anyone who voted for Trump.” That gives a point to the plaintiff. Diane notes that this belief is shared with most of the country, and Wackner asks her if she shares it. “I’m not the question,” Diane replies, because she definitely doesn’t want to talk about her husband who worked in the Trump administration.  

Wackner flat out tells Diane that Marissa should argue instead of her. “Marissa is not a lawyer,” Diane tries to say. “Well, I’m not a judge!” Wackner responds. And that’s it for the day.

Diane asks Jay for intel, and then we get one of the most effective Jay scenes in a while—he bonds with the Copy Coop security guard, who only has good things to say about Wackner. I like how the writers use COVID in this episode—they treat it like it’s recent past (fingers crossed) and reference it when it makes sense, like how the courts are backlogged, or this guard was laid off.  

The security guard notes that he thinks Wackner is building something good in his spare time. He also notes that Wackner is a big Grateful Dead fan.

Carmen takes it upon herself to visit someone else in prison to help Rivi. She points out they’re under surveillance and convinces this other dude to take the fall for Rivi so he can go free. It’s very smart. I assume this is all her own strategy, as we see her look up this other dude before she’s even met with Rivi, though it’s possible Rivi came up with some of it.  

There is something about Carmen’s demeanor when she deals with clients that is very Alicia-like in interesting ways. She’s very direct and unflappable in a way that people seem to take to (remember how all the creeps loved Alicia?), and she only shows emotion when she decides to. The similarities stop there. Carmen doesn’t seem remorseful or conflicted (Alicia always did). Sociopathic definitely isn’t the right word for her, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it didn’t cross my mind. Carmen knows that her clients are bad guys. That doesn’t trouble her. And she doesn’t try to take the easy way out—she does more than she needs to. I don’t know what she’s really trying to do here, but I suspect she does.  

Carmen is 28, just fyi.  

Liz gets a call from Charles Lester. Obviously, Lester now works for Rivi, because Rivi is New Bishop. (Usually I’m a bit against saying any character is the new version of an old one, like how Lucca was not the new Kalinda (even if she was brought in to bring new energy to the space Kalidna occupied) or how Carmen is not the new Lucca (same), but I’m pretty comfortable saying Rivi is New Bishop. He’s not the same personality, but he... is New Bishop.)  

Lester notes that Rivi only wants to meet with Carmen from now on. Liz does not understand this and she’s not thrilled with it. She notes that Carmen is a first year who has been there for two days, but she doesn’t want to lose Rivi’s business so she goes along with it. Was that Carmen’s endgame? Job security? Does she not care about the RL job and see a good opportunity to... just represent Rivi without a firm behind her? I can’t tell.

(This is where I could see this arc faltering. I get why Liz keeps Carmen on—she doesn’t want to lose the client—but I don’t really understand why Liz wants Rivi as a client. Losing Carmen who’s been there for two days and Rivi who she probably doesn’t want to represent seems like a fine outcome to me. And, beyond that, if Carmen doesn’t care about the firm and also doesn’t need them, what’s in it for her to stay? I don’t think she really cares that the firm would have more resources to use in defending Rivi. Like, why isn’t the outcome here just that Carmen teams up with Lester and leaves RL behind?)

Diane listens to the Grateful Dead and writes down lyrics she can use in court. Kurt gets home from work. Diane asks him if he thinks she should give up her name partnership since it’s a black firm. Kurt asks if she’s the best lawyer there. She says no, but she’s one of the best, and besides, it’s a bad look and she wants to do what’s right for the firm. “You and I disagree on so much. You obviously ask my opinion because you know that I will argue something you know you won’t,” Kurt says. This is a very good, and very accurate, response.

Diane keeps going, though. Kurt plays along and starts talking about identity politics. Diane starts debating back, ignoring that Kurt is not really wanting to play devil’s advocate. Kurt doesn’t give Diane an easy out and tells her she’s right—she should step aside. That’s not what she wanted to hear. Kurt laughs and then goes to take a shower.  

Liz is eyeing Adrian’s office when Carmen walks up. She’s invited Carmen to talk to her. She asks her how things are going. Carmen just wants to know if she did something wrong. Carmen says she likes the firm and it’s great to be out of the legal clinics.  

Liz shares the news that Rivi only wants Carmen going forward. Carmen is pleased and says that’s surprising... though she looks more pleased than surprised.  

Liz suggests maintaining a professional distance, to which Carmen replies “I’m very professional.” “Oh, I don’t doubt it,” Liz tries to backtrack. “Is the firm dissatisfied with my work?” Carmen asks bluntly. Liz says no. “It’s my intention to treat all my clients like humans. Even the ones who might be murderers, or definitely are murderers. And I think Mr. Rivi might be responding to that because it’s something that he hasn’t received at this firm previously,” Carmen notes. This is QUITE the tone to take with your boss.

One question I have—and this is mostly inspired by the recap at I think Vulture?-- is to what extent Carmen knows what she’s doing. It seems like a lot. I can’t tell how much Carmen knows vs how much Carmen THINKS she knows. She’s definitely smart, and I don’t think she is an idealist (when she says her intention is to treat her clients like humans, she means that’s her strategy), but she is young and new to the law and only out for herself, which makes her vulnerable.  

Liz does not take well to Carmen’s talk and notes she’s talking about her personal safety. Carmen thanks her and says she’d understand if Liz doesn’t want her on the case.

There is something a little unnerving about Carmen. She keeps saying things that are boldly inappropriate but masked by how professional and correct her arguments sound (like the line about treating clients like humans). And she has a way of gaining power over a conversation. Liz squirms way too much in that conversation and loses some of her control as a result.  

I just need to know more about her!!! The fact that I can’t understand her makes her immediately interesting.  

Diane and Liz interview Julius for Lucca’s position. They all know it would be a demotion for him, but they’re seriously considering it. I feel like this would look awful for the firm and they are going to handwave it anyway after a few lines about how bad it would look.  

Diane quotes the Grateful Dead in court and it works. The other lawyer tries to quote songs too... it does not work.  

Carmen gets Rivi a bunch of candy bars from the court vending machine so he can have a snack he enjoys. The security guard doesn’t want to let Rivi eat them, but Carmen is right that this is permissible. The guard smashes the bars in defeat. Carmen opens one for Rivi.  

It is a little distracting to see the main characters pretend that COVID is in the past when the extras have masks, but honestly, that’s kind of what life is like right now?

Carmen zones out a little in court—not sure if she just does that or if she is trying to look unfamiliar with the rules so people will go easy on her/have low expectations. I think it’s a combination of both, considering that we’ve seen her laser-focus on things elsewhere in the episode AND she tells the judge it is her first day in court.  

Court stuff happens; Carmen’s strategy works.  

The judge tries to give Carmen advice and a warning. Liz is also there, watching, which is good because I was shocked anyone would let Carmen do this unsupervised.  

Carmen is also kind of like if you removed all of Maia’s worst traits (her selfishness, her spoiled brat attitude, her sense of entitlement) and skipped right to her willingness to partner with Blum.

Liz and Carmen talk again, this time about the reputation of the firm. Liz notes that Carmen is clearly capable and reminds her sternly that she needs to conduct herself in a manner that does not put the firm at risk and that’s the only reminder she’s going to get. Carmen twirls a pen and stares at it instead of listening to Liz. She says she’s just listening like she’s perfectly innocent. It’s the right thing to say and, again, it’s SUPER UNNERVING.  

“Wow. You really don’t give a shit what people think about you, do you?” Liz says in frustration. “I’m here to do a good job for my clients,” Carmen notes. Is she??? Does she just not care who she’s representing and want to do a good job, and that’s her whole motivation?? I would find that interesting but I need more to believe it. She’s so perplexing.

(Again, I don’t really get why Liz hasn’t fired her, because if she and Carmen keep having these interactions, Liz IS going to end up ceding all of her power and looking weak. But maybe Liz is as intrigued as I am.)

Liz also tells Carmen she’s going to be her mentor. Carmen says thanks and that she respected Liz’s father. Liz does NOT take that well. Audra’s reaction—a mix of shock, irritation, and confusion—is perfect here. I think Carmen is trying to say that she respected Carl Reddick—but she has no such respect for Liz. (It could also be about the sexual harassment, but I don’t think that’s public knowledge.)  

I noticed earlier that the courtroom was #305 and was wondering why they chose that number (it’s similar to Courtroom 302, the book that inspired the bond court arc, which is why 305 stuck in my mind). I see now that the Copy Coop’s address is 305. Heh.  

Turns out that the woman suing Toni is someone who would break COVID protocol and be generally terrible. I’m shocked.

Wackner decides to skip closing arguments and rule. He sides with Toni.  

See, this is where this kind of thing is dangerous. Wackner is great and fair. But you can’t really replicate a system like this (though I also think this system would fail if replicated on too large of a scale; the reason it works is that everyone involved is buying into it and if it were to be corrupted no one would buy into it unless forced to—and if people are forced to buy into an extrajudicial system then that’s its own problem). What if some other judge were to just decide to skip closing arguments or decide suddenly a trial was over? That could be unfair in so many different ways.  

After the resolution of the case there’s clapping and even Diane is surprised at how reasonable the verdict was.

Wackner then insists that everyone shake hands because “the thing we all crave most is respect and acknowledgement.” They also have to say, “I respect and I love you.” And they do! And no one even seems that unhappy with it Marissa and Toni are super into it.

And, someone in the gallery wants to get Marissa’s number because she did such a good job. Yep, sounds about right.

Diane fills Liz in, and Liz can’t believe it. Liz wants to hire Wackner (jokingly). Then she says she wants Julius since they know and trust him. Diane’s good with that, but she also chooses this moment to playfully let on that she knows Liz slept with Caleb. We’ve seen Diane observe Liz’s reaction to Caleb/mentions of Caleb all episode, and I don’t think it’s coincidental that Diane brings this up now, and in a friendly way. Diane doesn’t need to bring it up. I don’t think Diane needs the answer. I think she just wants to throw Liz off without making it obvious that’s what she’s doing.

I really, really hate to say it, because my whole thing about this season is wanting to see Liz be a great manager, but I don’t... actually think... Liz is a great manager? She’s second-guessing herself far too much. She’s more thrown in this scene than Carmen, who has like two days of experience, is by anything she encounters. And worse, she doesn’t hide it when she’s thrown. I think Liz is very smart and capable, but this episode is a pretty good case for why she might not be able to manage alone.

I know I’ve said that I want to see Liz manage and think she’d be good at it. I still think she could be. But I’ve also tended to think that Liz is a good manager and Adrian talks down at her, and I’ve dismissed some of her less strategic ideas as the fault of the Adrian/Liz dynamic. But nothing in this episode seems out of character, so now I’m less sure. (And to be clear, Liz not being a great manager isn’t a problem with the show, it’s actually pretty interesting to me.)  

(Here are some of the things Liz has done in this episode alone that she needs to stop doing to be more effective: 1) Everything about her reaction to Caleb (and the fact she slept with him-- and yes I would, and did, say this about Will too so this is not a double standard!) 2) Not having a clear plan when meeting with the partners, even though she—and not Diane—is the one who is seen as having power. 3) Not being able to hold her own nearly as well as she should be able to with Carmen. I’m curious to see how the other partners hold up, and in fairness to Liz, I may be able to make this criticism of any character who doesn’t just immediately fire Carmen.)  

And, I say all of this now because Diane in this scene is SO smart and SO strategic. She mentions Caleb to disarm Liz, then casually notes that she thinks Liz should take the corner office since it’s a black firm.  

Liz isn’t sure if she should thank Diane for that (it is a little patronizing) but she does anyway.

Diane has another “last thing” to say, and it’s that she wants to bring on another partner, a black one. She wants to be in the discussion and to retain a name partner position. Liz says yes, as long as she has any power over the decision. This is a very smart move for Diane. It’s a compromise that’s to her benefit, and she makes the request of Liz at exactly the right time. I think Diane likes Liz as a person and wants to work with her, but she’s definitely buttering her up. This is kind of like an audition to show Liz that she should stick with Diane—Diane will be friendly with her! Diane won’t judge (but definitely knows about!) her indiscretions. Diane is reasonable and not power-hungry! Diane is understanding!  

(And again, to be clear, I don’t think Liz is falling for Diane’s trap or anything. If Diane is smart enough to plan all this out, Diane is absolutely someone you’d want to keep on as a name partner. It’s just that Diane showing how smart she is, is a pretty stark contrast to Liz getting disrespected by a first-year associate.)  

(And, because I feel like I'm being quite harsh on Liz, I don’t think Liz has handled the Carmen situation badly... yet. I just see signs that Carmen is able to shift the balance of power in her favor without really trying, and that Liz is getting flustered. I think Liz mentioning the mentorship is a way of Liz asserting power, and I think/hope that now that Liz knows the situation, she will try to regain control. And, I could very easily see this same plot happening but with Diane—it's just that there are a few other plots where Liz seems flustered in this episode alone, so it feels like a pattern. I’ll be looking out for more of this.)

Marissa and Carmen, both with large folders of casework, get in an elevator together. “So. I guess it begins,” Marissa says as the episode ends. I very much want to see more of Marissa and Carmen interacting. Mostly, I just want to see what Carmen does when she’s in situations that aren’t about representing a client or defending her work. I know what type of lawyer and employee she is, but who is she as a person?  

Wow, this might be the most I’ve written about characters on TGF—as opposed to plots—in quite a while. I think that’s what has me so excited about this season. Carmen is interesting as a character because she’s so unique (or, perhaps, because she feels so much like a part of this universe yet so little like any other character—that's why I keep trying to compare her to others and find out where to place her). The 9 ¾ court is interesting because Wackner is so grounded, because it challenges Diane’s sense of reality in a way that’s new and interesting (this whole series is about making reality seem like it’s shifting under your feet; this is a new take on a familiar theme), and because it is a great match for Marissa’s personality and will give her a lot of opportunities for growth. It seems like we’re heading for some interesting material with Diane and Kurt, and there’s been a little bit of a tense undercurrent in their interactions in these first two episodes—I truly can’t tell if it’s supposed to be part of their banter or if there are mounting frustrations; I think the former but could see it being the latter. And, as I’d hoped, Liz is getting a lot more material.  

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 has updated! Christmas is ruined!

Previously, on Homestuck 2: Literally nothing happened, and a non-trivial portion of the patreon supporters gave up and quit. Can this update pull a Christmas miracle and right the sinking ship of Homestuck 2? Probably not, but let’s find out! 

We’re back in Candyland, having completely skipped over Karkat and John talking about Dave’s apparent death, because this comic is only interested in long conversations when they’re boring and not about anything at all. That’s alright, I got the gist of it.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

So, it appears to be morning now, meaning that John’s son has been missing in a war zone for almost 24 hours and I guess John literally forgot Harry existed?

Prediction: This conversation is going to end in some variant of “Where is our son?” “Oh shit!”

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid

ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid

ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

What.

So, I went back and checked, and apparently nowhere is it explicitly said that Harry Anderson was also looking for the Vriskas, so I guess he....stayed home? Which makes sense, I suppose, but maybe a “Stay here I’ll go look for them” would’ve helped. I wasn’t the only one who thought Harry was out looking for Vriska too. 

ROXY: sup

ROXY: follow me

ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way

JOHN: haha ok.

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

Is Roxy....horny? Is the solid she’s looking for John’s dick? I mean, that’d make her saying Harry wasn’t available kind of weird, but I think this framing is a fake-out.

...

What the fuck is that lamp, Jesus Christ it’s awful. Just a cat’s asshole, facing the door.

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert

JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.

JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

Oh hey, it was a fakeout. Good job, Homestuck 2. You successfully implied something just through the art. Art which, by the way, looks a lot better than the last chapter. There are backgrounds and everything. I wonder if Chapter 15 was rushed out due to Hiveswap and that’s why it was so weak?

He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

I’m not the biggest fan of the way the narration is going JOHN IS AFRAID OF SEX WITH ROXY LIKE HE’S A TEENAGE VIRGIN AGAIN (LIKE IN HS1!) AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IT’LL BE IMPORTANT LATER, but okay, noted.

ROXY: u said ur house is gone??

JOHN: yep.

JOHN: completely.

ROXY: jeez

Heh. I like Roxy, still. 

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

If this comic actually uses the phrase “home” and “stuck” in the same sentence I’m turning this blog around and we’ll go right back to Winnipeg.

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

I feel unqualified to talk about how hard Roxy is pushing the June Egbert thing.

....Is that the fucking portal from Hiveswap under a tarp? Also hi Candy Callie, appearing in HS2 for the first time. One of the Calliope’s is nonbinary, I think, but I honestly can’t remember and I think it’s Meat Calliope? 

JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?

ROXY: hmmmmmm no

JOHN: oh ok.

JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.

JOHN: space.

JOHN: wherever we are.

ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now

ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi

ROXY: and by that i mean

ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn

JOHN: right, sorry.

JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.

ROXY: u catch on fast egbert

Oh thing HS2 has not been great at is that it has a lot of plot mysteries that are supposed to keep us enticed but they don’t really get implanted into the audience’s head (Remember Vrissy mysteriously collapsing that one time? Probably not, she did it off screen and the boys kind of laughed it off). This one’s hard to miss.

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs?

JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.

ROXY: well no not x actly

ROXY: were in the old meteor

It’s kind of weird how this meteor keeps popping up like this. 

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

This is an unexpected but not unwelcome direction for Callie to have gone.

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?

Oh, wow, we’re going right there, then. This does seem like a bit of a reaction to complaints HS2 wasn’t shmoovin’ enough, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.

JOHN: ok.

A’ight, that got a laugh out of me

JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!

JOHN: i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):

I like this conversation a lot. 

ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you

JOHN: listen.

JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given.

Quite a bit, in fact.

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

Roxy and John have a good dynamic. 

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

JOHN: ...right.

John’s phone has very good coverage, since he was able to talk to Terezi in the epilogues, as we’re being subtly reminded of here with that ... before the “right”. I wonder if it still works after alt-Calliope left.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

Okay, so we are now being explicitly told that living in the black hole is fucking with the characters and is part of the reason they make such baffling decisions, like Rose not telling Kanaya about Yiffy, or naming her daughter “Yiffy” in the first place.

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

So, the plan is literally for Vriska to be such a Huge 8itch that the black hole itself gets sick of her and yeets Earth C out of its own event horizon to freedom.

This is actually a great plan. 

And that’s Hamsteak. This definitely feels like a bit of a reaction to complaints about HS2, but hey, I dig it, I guess? Definite improvement over the last chapter.

[thatiranianphantom]

What are your thoughts on the big event episodes coming up in the fall as part of season six? I’ve been wondering if it’s a wedding for either BH or VA.

I am just saying that 6x05 is the 100th episode, pushing them into sweet, sweet syndication so a wedding...would be a possibility, definitely. I really wouldn't want a double wedding, I would want two different weddings for two different couples. And the S6 plotline is very highly dependent on what happens in the rest of S5. I think if Bughead truly do work out their shit, the plot of S6 will most likely be plot related. I am not discounting the possibility of them using one of them being kidnapped/trying to convince us they're dead. That would be death fakeout #9895438674 for Jughead. It's a trope they love.

Basically, I definitely think a wedding is a distinct possibility. I want to see married!Bughead. I would die. But plot wise, it is going to really depend on the end of this season and whether they plan on bringing the S5 big bad into S6. And please god no. Let's leave all of S5 in the past (or in the trash) where it belongs.

[chalkrevelations]

Well. Episode 34 of Word of Honor, and, oh.

(Spoilers. Scroll on by and come back later if you want to watch it unspoiled.)

Oh. No. NO, show. Only A-Xiang is supposed to make me cry, so fuck you, Zhou Zishu, with your SAD LITTLE FACE, oh my god, why don’t you just pull my heart out of my chest, throw it down in the dirt and stomp on it? It would be kinder than having to watch you deal with the implications of whatever it is, precisely, you’ve done to yourself that means you’re expecting to drop dead any day and lose your chance at lifetime happiness with your soulmate but are hiding from everyone. (Well, I guess it’s your turn to be hiding something, because it looks like everyone in the jianghu except you was in on at least some part of Wen Kexing’s plan.)

So, the first thing that struck me in this ep is the way ZZS sits at the table at the post-Hero’s Conference meal drinking session, hunched over, like his bones are made of shattered glass, and here’s the thing: He’s absolutely just had a serious emotional blow. But also, this is a guy who’s terminally ill and in chronic pain, and we saw that repeatedly for about the first two-thirds of the show, and then the emphasis on it kind of slacked off. And I’m thinking now that maybe it wasn’t just slack writing or WKX playing his xiao in the rain through the nights at Four Seasons Manor like the worst emo kid ever that helped, that maybe some of the progression of the deadening of ZZS’s senses might have offered him some relief, but whatever it was, I’m wondering if whatever he’s done now – I presume pulled out those gd Nails - has exacerbated everything all over again. I cannot believe that at least Wu Xi can’t look at the way he’s moving and holding himself at the table and see that he’s not just stone-cold angry and emotionally hurt about being left out of the loop, he’s in physical pain. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a little like being stabbed in the chest when he gets confirmation that Chengling and WKX were in on WKX’s “death” together while he was in the dark and believed this asshole actually died on him. But I also think we’re getting physical pain ramped up again from him; there’s a hesitation and delicacy of movement that speaks of someone who’s judging their movements and maintaining a high level of control, because if they do make a wrong move, everything could just explode into agony. I also noticed the way he clutches his cup when A-Xiang starts explaining how WKX made a deal with Xie Wang in order to rescue ZZS from Tian Chuang, and I can’t for the life of me figure out if it’s having to hear about WKX finding himself in that position in order to save him, or if it’s A-Xiang calling him “Sick Dude” at a moment when that’s going to press right on one of the tenderest, most vulnerable places. Because, god, everyone else at this table who even knows about his terminal illness still thinks that Wu Xi is going to be able to fix him. And here’s where ZZS apparently is a better person than me, because I don’t know that I wouldn’t have an absolute breakdown and end up throwing it in WKX’s face that if he had just told me what was going on, maybe I wouldn’t be about to drop dead tomorrow and leave him alone for the rest of his life, asshole. But no! His zhiji’s happiness is so important to ZZS, that he’s not going to say a word about it! It’s more important than his own life, that his shidi has been able to avenge his parents while keeping his own hands (relatively) clean of any more sins. He’s going to continue to be there, to be whatever WKX needs him to be, for however few days he has left. I won’t fail you. (Even when you fail me). Here’s the thing though – at some point, you’re going to drop dead, Zhou Zishu. And apparently you’re going to leave WKX completely unprepared for it, so I don’t know that you’re doing him any favors being the one who’s hiding something, this time around. And oh my god, I just realized something – you made him drink three pots of liquor as a punishment – was that to get him so blind drunk he wouldn’t notice the Nails were gone? You realize you have to tell him at some point, right?

ANYWAY, WKX gets sloppy drunk and stumbles into their(? has everyone just given up any pretense at this point?) bedroom, and first of all, can I take a minute to flail over the way ZZS pushes drunk WKX’s hair back off of his shoulder? Can I? Because I rewound and re-watched that 2 seconds of the show three times. But then, then, WKX starts drunken rambling about how happy he is, and how scared he’d been that he wasn’t worthy of ZZS, and tears start welling up in ZZS’s stupid eyes, and WKX starts talking about how finding ZZS made him a whole new person, and ZZS’s stupid precious face gets SO SAD, and I start fucking welling up too, and then WKX talks about his parents and their shifu, and ZZS presses WKX’s head to his chest and gives us his stupid sad little smile, and I’m literally clutching my shirt hem in inarticulate pain and distress by this point, and then ZZS starts to break down as he holds WKX’s hand as WKX finally falls asleep, and he gives that stupid shaky sobbing little gasp, and just UGH. I’m DYING here, show. Also, how did you manage to do this to me with just your face, Zhang Zhehan? I’m not sure I can take the next couple of episodes, when the whole Nails dilemma is sure to come out.

Second big takeaway of this ep is that I just … oh my god. I cannot with you, Xie’er, holy shit. And I say this in a completely loving yet utterly aghast way. Was it absolutely necessary to literally sit on Awful Yifu’s lap? I’m reduced to a state of horrified laughter over the envelope pushing. The absolute fuckery of the power dynamic fluctuations of the Zhao Jing/Xie Wang relationship at this point … it’s something. It’s finally reached a point where it’s so fucky and complex that I may have to go looking for some fic, despite my general desire to punt Awful Yifu into the sun. I do have to say that the whole (one-sided) conversation when Xie’er finally let everything out was super-cathartic. Go off with your unfilial self, Xie’er. Li Daikun has been amazing all through this, and he’s continuing to maintain a perfect balance as we move toward the finish line. I’ve heard he was offered Wen Kexing and supposedly didn’t want to take the role because he didn’t think he was ready for it? And while I absolutely appreciate Gong Jun and the chemistry between ZZS and WKX that he built with Zhang Zhehan, I’m flabbergasted that Li Daikun was able to pull off Xie’er like this, yet thought he couldn’t manage WKX ... and I have to admit, I kind of would like to see what WKX would have been in his hands. I’ve also heard a rumor that they’re talking about maybe filming an origin story for Xie Wang? I … am torn, because on the one hand, more Xie’er, but on the other, more Awful Yifu. Anyway, I think we’re continuing to see a whole tangle of resonances between Xie’er, Wen Kexing, and Zhou Zishu, and the awful men in their lives who helped make them who they are today; there’s something of a contrast between Zhou Zishu, who, maybe significantly, was older and had some grounding from his Four Seasons shifu when he got tangled up with Prince Jin and Tian Chuang and who was willing to gnaw off his own leg to get out of the trap (and only finally struck back because he was forcibly taken back) and the other two, one of whom killed and … dismembered? flayed? his abuser before taking his literal throne, and the other of whom turned his abuser into a muted … piece of furniture? sex toy? before taking his figurative throne. Xie’er is about five steps behind Wen Kexing on a parallel path, and maybe there’s still time for him to untangle some of the fuckery in his head about his awful yifu. But meanwhile, there it is: You failed me. Xie’er, you’re breaking my heart, but I feel like I have to point out, again, this is the guy who is literally responsible for the existence of the Department of the Unfaithful. I did have a brief moment when I was convinced Xie’er was poisoning himself and Awful Yifu in a murder-suicide move, but then we got lap-sitting instead? Which could have made me think we were getting some kind of reversion to wanting to feel safe, like a kid able to (finally) sit in his father’s lap and play at comfort, but then he went and made it – let’s be honest – a little weird.

Last really big takeaway for me from this ep is that A-Xiang and I continue to be simpatico, because lady, I also have a very very bad feeling about Fan Shishu’s absence in this wedding “party” from the Gentle Wind Sword Sect, and watching your dawning realization at the end of the episode when he doesn’t show up and doesn’t show up and doesn’t show up as the group enters only confirmed my suspicions that something is UP. Am I supposed to expect a fakeout to Mo Huaiyang’s haranguing speech to Cao Weining, with a wrap-up of “But since you clearly love her so much and want to be a good influence …” Because I won’t believe it. And I’m not going to be happy or comfortable until we see the back of this asshole, because speaking of somebody who says everything with his face, Mo Huaiyang was NOT happy when Ye Baiyi called off the rest of the Heroes Conference, after his horse in the race had already been completely repudiated and he lost whatever chance he had at gaining power and influence on Zhao Jing’s back. Even if he did come all this way – bearing gifts – just to tell Cao Weining he’s an ungrateful brat and to never darken the door of Gentle Wind Sword Sect, it would still be a jerkass thing to do. But I don’t trust him as far as I could spit, and my only question at this point is whether all of Cao Weining’s shidi who came with him to the wedding are in on whatever bs Mo Huaiyang’s planning to pull.

A couple other random things:

Oh, so A-Xiang’s two moms are going to stay together for the rest of their lives, are they? And Liu Qianqiao is even like, “Loser Boyfriend? I don’t know him.” Followed by a cut to Luo Fumeng and her vaguely smug reaction. I’m dying.

No one’s going to say anything about this random body that Wen Kexing used for his plan? Just, you know, went to the store or something and picked out a random body? I realize it’s very late in the game to be getting moralistic about the adorable merciless killers, but come on, man. I also think we have once again overused the infodump. I realize we only have 35 episodes, but some of this explanation of WKX’s very complex plan should have been shown, not told. Anyway, cue series of flashbacks to finally explain how the whole Rube Goldberg plan was put in place, and ah-hah! WKX, himself, talked to Chengling ahead of time. I notice that in that flashback scene and the one when he talks to Ye Baiyi, he’s prominently still wearing That Hairpin, so we’ll realize this all got set into motion before ZZS was rescued and brought home.

Finally, why has everyone seem to have forgotten (still) about that KEY that WKX was waving around? No one’s going to mention it? Really?

And now, I think I’m going to fortify myself with some bourbon for the next ep.

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian s2 ep1 Reactions Post That’s right I’m BACK

and none of you not even god himself can stop me from rambling about space cowboy dad and tiny green baby stuff for much longer than any sane person should 

the TL;DR is that I still love this show SO MUCH, beware a bunch of spoilers under the cut!

- costume design wise I LOVE how badly the armour fits Cobb Vanth

 especially when you get shots with him and Din side by side for contrast:

It’s not just that it’s clearly not made for him (it seems he’s a lot lankier and more wiry than Boba is), he simply doesn’t know how to wear it, and he doesn’t know how to take care of it, because he doesn’t know what it means. Remember when Din’s breastplate got bent completely out of shape by the mudhorn and he had it repaired to the best of his ability long before they even finished with the ship? That’s why he looks so grounded and natural in it and Vanth has sort of a clumsy Spiderman-in-his-first-home-made-costume air about him. (also Boba’s helmet has a beautiful heft and solidity to it in this, they make all the beskar have a Feel and weight to it, makes it feel important)  

I like that Vanth is taller than Din; everything that drives home that Din’s strength doesn’t come from being naturally physically imposing or impressive is a joy to me 

- Boba’s armour seems to be confirmed to be real beskar, which gives me so much hope that they’re doing something actually nuanced and interesting with Boba and Jango’s cultural identities as Mandalorians (whether they do consider themselves that or not, for example), unlike George Lucas’ inexplicable yet unbending stance of ‘They aren’t and never were lol get fucked Fetts’  

the way the triumphant heroic part of the mando music sputtered and died when the man himself showed up tho... uh-oh this might be bad news 

man but that’s a stunning and surprising way to introduce a well-known character divorced from what makes them so iconic, though, just from that I’m going to trust they know what they’re doing (AND they got temuera morrison back I’m so EXCITED!!!). without the armor there’s the face of someone who shared that face with literal millions and at the same time must be looking older than his father ever got to at this point, and that’s super interesting as a starting point to me. (I... guess there’s still a chance it’s a fakeout and that it’s actually another clone, but that would be such a letdown when they’ve already given us this haha) 

- an excellent [mando sighs] moment

this opening scene did a great job of re-summarizing him for the audience -- establishing again that he gives you one chance at dealing with him fairly and if you insist on continuing to be an asshole about it, you’re toast, the fact that his fighting style is so much about being able to tank blows rather than not getting hit in the first place, the horror movie monster mando setup as he stalked the dude down and strung him up, the Poetic Justice predicated on some very careful word choices, and most importantly “where I go, he goes”... all wonderful, I’m sure I’ll watch this scene back for fine details and better looks at the background characters many many times 

(word seems to have spread about him and the baby for real now, which makes me VERY nervous btw)

- Pulserifle’s back! Jetpack’s back! Razor Crest’s back! Grappling line’s back! PELLI’S BACK!!!!!! Tattooine... is also back *Finn voice* Why does everyone want to go back to Tattooine????

I really enjoyed the way they fleshed out and (for lack of a better word) humanized the sand people, though, if you are going back to this desert hellplanet again that is a worthy reason to do it 

- Din swearing :O!! and one of the less egregious star wars swears too, I’m fine with this

- in campaign star wars news: I guess there was sort of both a binbon and a jubna in this ep! what a time to be alive

- as usual I love the jawa. a bright spot in any day, just a bunch of lil goblin-y friends hanging out having the best time loving sparkly crystals and rescuing silver foxes.  

get in loser we’re going shopping

-  

I uh. Do you think. Hm. Is there maybe a metaphor here somewhere. Is there perhaps a hidden, one may say double, meaning, at play, right here, in this image? Who can say, it’s just niggling at me (there’s a very similar set of shots with Toro in season 1, but seemingly the show went ‘I fear we might have gone too subtle with it, let’s amp it up this time’ over the season break loool)

honestly though this dynamic really highlighted everything I love about the ways Din performs masculinity. It’s so much softer and more community/collaboration focused and more comfortable to be around than Vanth’s version -- and Vanth isn’t a bad dude by any stretch of the imagination, it’s not hard to see why he’s like that considering where he’s from, he’s just such a... man. The lone person who can protect this village! The only man who’s got what it takes! It’s all on his shoulders and no one else’s, so do exactly as he says or he’ll put a hole in you! (I think it’s telling that one of his first comments to Din is ‘I’m sure you call the shots wherever you’re from, but ‘round here, I’m the person who tell folks what to do’, because as we as the audience knows, Din very much does not call the shots of where he’s from lol) I guess it says some nice things about the tribe of Mandos Din is from that this is how he approaches things, and it says some good things about Vanth how quickly he comes around to this smarter and less confrontational/domineering style of doing things once he’s been exposed to it and sees how it works. it’s just neat

(it’s smart of Favreau to set his ~*lone gunslinger*~ character up like this, too, it makes him so much more interesting and versatile)   

- With the way Din says ‘a Mandalorian Armorer sent me on my path’ it does seem confirmed that’s the equivalent of a priest role or a sort of shaman -- I wonder if he knows the name of ‘The’ Armorer or if they take on the role as a whole identity 

- the sheer contrast between the two people who wanted Din to take his helmet off for them in this ep tho... wants Mando’s armour off for horrible awful reasons and got exactly what he deserved:

wants Mando’s armour off for entirely sympathetic and understandable, just culturally uninformed, thirsty thirsty reasons & also having drinks together:

 (the sort of... little lick over his bottom lip he does there? keep it in your pants vanth my GODjflsadf he’s a good dude tho he understands and respects the ‘no armour removal before marriage’ thing and backs down gracefully)

- This is a nuanced thing: I don’t think I actually ship it (not in a requited way from Din’s side, anyway, Vanth I’m 100% sure about lol), but the incredible potential for out-of-context-taking of “Take it off, or I will”/”...we doin’ this in front of the kid?” is uh astounding  

(anyone got the vibe Vanth sort of had something with the bartender too? no just me? well well)

- I was never really scared Din was actually dead or hurt b/c baby wasn’t scared and I figure he’d know lol, a very useful fear barometer 

- “What’s the plan?” “Take care of the child” “What are you gonna do?” “I don’t know, but wish me luck *yeets his new bro out of harm’s way before diving in head first himself*” fksdjhfkjlashdfkjsldahfkasldjhfskldajhfsadkjfh WHAT a summation of Din’s entire approach to battle & life, dad please you carry a not insignificant part of my heart around with you be careful 

(Also with the heavy implication that Boba was watching the whole thing... can you imagine him just looking on as Din throws himself down that gullet like a madman. There must have been some ‘o_-7 *headscratch headscratch* ???’ going on for him there)

it’s kind of sweet that din trusts vanth will take care of the baby if something happens though, they really bonded quickly huh 

- the sand people who kept willingly going over to the krayt dragon’s cave are honestly braver and more admirable than anyone else has ever been, I kept just shouting in anguish as they were gobbled up, they deserved better 

- can we talk about how clear it still is that Din’s just... lonely. When he thinks he’s found another Mando and he sounds almost reverent with relief... and then it gets odder and odder (’uh... drinks? I guess... does he have drinking straws with him or -- HE’S TAKING THE HELMET OFF???’ oh buddy)

I wonder if they’re building towards something about him realizing it doesn’t have to be Mandos for him to trust and bond with people longer term? Basically all the characters he’s met and we’ve watched him form attachments to and get help from are non-Mandos -- Kuiil :’^(, Cara, Omera, Cobb Vanth, IG-11 :^’’(, Greef Karga to a degree. Establishing so firmly what he’s looking for this early would be good setup for a ‘what a character thinks they want vs. what they need’ thing later on just on a writing level, anyway, Boba Fett could bring in some interesting points of view about Mandalorianness too   

- baby’s happy gurgles when he sees pelli!!!!!! din speaking sand people language and petting alligator doggies!!!!!!

- pedro pascal’s voice work remains an utter joy to me. din’s measured, earnest, occasionally slightly stilted way of talking is still so good, and then he does things like inserting some more... idk life is the wrong word but that more charged and dynamic tone he took on when he said (”I thought you weren’t a gambler”) “I’m not”. *chef kiss*

- if the pulse rifle’s stun is able to do that to a fuckn krayt dragon... that’s some serious shit din is carrying around with him lol (interestingly the actual shooty pew-pew part of it didn’t seem to do much to it, but then I guess he was shocking it from the inside out and not through thick hide, so idk)

- my only real complaints about this ep: Vanth’s backstory ran a bit long, and not enough baby & dad interaction. the concept art’s got me tho: 

 (din often wears his original/old armour in concept art still, incidentally, don’t know what that’s about)

awwwwwww

+ omfg ;______;

- this sand people person conscientiously brushing a bantha’s teeth... blessed

- Customary flame thrower report: there was a rare useful deployment of the flamethrower. Good job Mando’s flame thrower for furthering the field of diplomacy

ETA: I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS: DIN BEING COMFORTABLE(ISH) AROUND DROIDS NOW!!!! GROWTH????!?! IG-11 WE MISS YOU??????????

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 78 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch finally confronts Charles in the Human Instrumentality Elevator but before his laser Geass bullshit can kill him, he steals C.C.’s Code and becomes immortal. Now that Charles is at the highest Geass level, C.C. like “Oh yes Imperialist Daddy kill me cause Lelouch is too chicken to” because she wanted an out for her immortality all along. But she’s been saving Lelouch this whole time and didn’t force the Code on him like was done to her so she clearly has a soft spot for him. Also Viletta and Sayoko are having a ninja fight over Ohgi and Nia’s developing nukes or some shit. Ironically now that we finally know who C.C. is, she’s lost her own memories so her character is always incomplete. But Lelouch has busted up the Thought Elevator and Charles is stuck there so showdown postponed I guess.

Inuyasha: Naraku continues his plan to cover Sesshomaru in his goo and take him inside himself… not gonna bother rephrasing that. But he gets jumped by Inuyasha’s barrier breaking powers and absolutely wrecked by both of them once Inuyasha inadvertently saves Sesshomaru. Ironically Inuyasha’s able to stop himself being absorbed while Sesshomaru isn’t, implying he’s stronger at this point but who knows. Anyway Naraku just kinda rockets away on a poison cloud and Sesshomaru’s about to turn full doggo and chase him but the writers remember we’re never allowed to see full demon Sesshomaru again until he regains his arm and Naraku tells him “Hey yo Rin’s about to get murdered, better go take care of that instead of finishing the series now” and Sesshomaru’s out of bluffs pretending he doesn’t care. Everyone realizes if Sesshomaru catches Kohaku killing Rin or about to kill Rin he’ll straight up murder Kohaku which is exactly the level of head-fuckery Naraku wants. They stop Kohaku from killing Rin but he keeps attacking Sesshomaru and Sesshomaru’s like “Oh, you WANT to die, well tough shit buddy, I’m not in an accommodating mood today so you live mother fucker” because even he realizes Naraku wants him to murder Kohaku for some reason. It’s interesting to see him spare a human out of spite but also kind of take pity on Kohaku, his tolerance for humans is slowly but surely growing.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Well we’re on the boat to the Dark Tournament, aka the first episode of Hunter x Hunter, and the totally not Genkai Masked Man uses the move Genkai taught Yusuke to wipe out all the competition, wonder who they could be. Like even Kuwabara’s guessing it’s Genkai at this point, we have no excuse. Anyway the other demons get pissed at the loss and everyone has to murder them all to be let through, including one dude Yusuke kills while still sleeping off his training hangover. We meet two of the first team they’ll be facing and it’s standard “Grr rawr, we’ll crush you” shit from a little boy and an Buttrock Band singer. Also Keiko and Shizuru are on the way to the tournament courtesy of Botan and Yusuke’s mom is left at home for no reason despite being in the arc in the manga, we just couldn’t handle more Milf Urameshi action.

Fate Zero: This is basically a summary episode, we have Kirei/Gilgamesh and Kiritsugu summing up where we’re at right now with the war and who’s involved. Kirei doesn’t have any more ninjas so he’s out but the Grail’s like “Nuh-uh, get back in here loser” and gives him Command Seals back even though he doesn’t have a Servant to use them on. Gilgamesh is all “What if we teamed up? Haha, just kidding… unless?” And weirdly enough Kirei is kinda into the soap opera bullshit going on with Kariya trying to save Sakura and being turned into a mummy for it. He’s like “what kind of fucked up person would like seeing a man being eaten from the inside out to save a child in vain?” Gilgamesh is all “Joke’s on you, we’re into that shit”. Also Iris is dying or something so they move into Shirou’s home and Saber ironically makes the transmutation circle in the shed that Shirou will bleed on later and summon her in UBW, guess it makes more sense why Shirou lives in a bullshit dojo house now that we know it was a originally a mage base fortress to harbor his girlfriend and Stepmom’s forbidden lesbian affair.

Konosuba: We kick of Season 2 with everyone throwing Kazuma under the bus for him to go to jail and then Aqua showing her whole damn ass during her pathetic breakout attempts. Then we shift Ace Attorney/Chrono Trigger mode and get a recap of all the shit Kazuma’s done over the past season. It’s kinda funny people don’t really know how to feel about him because he is a scumbag but he’s a net positive for the community. He eventually uses his lie detector skills to clear himself but because this is a kangaroo court he get found guilty anyway. But SINCE it’s a kangaroo court Darkness is able to use her own even higher levels of royal bullshittery to void the verdict and delay the case until Kazuma can prove he’s a harmless scumbag instead of a traitor. And they lose Darkness and get all their shit taken. Like I get that’s the nature of the show and the main joke but I kinda wish we’d get more story stuff or have them thrown a bone every once in a while, not a huge fan of shows like Marrier with Children or Everybody Hates Chris where you know shit’s just gonna fall apart in the end somehow, it makes it hard to care. Like this isn’t THAT bad about it but I just wish we’d get a few more serious/wholesome moments thrown in because everything else is just a fakeout.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So we’re getting close to the end of the season here and Beryl’s here and Mamoru just kinda… watches as she fights the Sailor Guardians in an alternate dimension because apparently Ami can just do that, like aside from their signature attacks I feel like the limits on what the Sailor Guardians can and can’t do are very vague, seems to be a problem with a lot of shojo action at the time since powers are more focused on emotion and it just ends up being “I can do whatever I feel like”. Anyway they summon the Meteor Sword from Avatar and cut off Beryl’s power necklace and she just kind of… dies for some reason? Like she was a reincarnated human just like everyone else but she just kinda melts after her necklace is chopped off like she’s been alive a thousand years. But yeah, possessed Tuxedo mask has the crystal and the sword and apparently the sword is the key even though we only started hearing about it like three episodes ago. Usagi follows him to Antarctica or whatever and the Sailor Guardians just… fly there, see this is what I mean apparently they could fly the whole time and just never did? They fight the Four Kings and reawaken their memories but Metalia blasts them away in seconds which if she could do that to the people that were kicking the Sailor Guardians’ asses five seconds ago couldn’t she just do it to them too? Anyway the girls’ former boyfriends are dead and that’s sad I guess even though I don’t think we ever really established which one was dating who so idk if it matters unless they’re all one big polycule. Usagi tries her bullshit fixer beam power and it doesn’t work so her next solution is just stab everyone and sort it out later, not a bad plan honestly, she cuts down Mamoru and then herself and is like ah fuck it, the end.

Durarara!!: The Saika arc concludes and we get Anri fucking up Haruna while Shizuo pounds the whole town in the park with his new demon gloves. But basically because Anri is a little ball of dissociation and trauma more than a person she’s a perfect host for a sword that’s yandere for the whole human race, the void contains the explosion and all that shit. However now that there’s been a Saika riot but Mikado and Masaomi are scared and mobilizing the Dollars and Yellow Scarves (also oh yeah Masaomi is the leader of the Yellow Scarves but you should know that already) to fight Saika to protect Anri except Saika IS Anri and Izaya’s just having fun stirring the pot and Anri’s the only one who knows he’s behind it because turns out when you have a hundred peoples’ memories swimming in your head it kinda helps you piece shit together.

[jcmorrigan]

It's giovanni's bday today! (or yesterday if you get this ask tomarrow) Any HCs for the birthday boy?

Okay I am once again doing this off the top of my head because I wanted to go improv style, but here is a story called THAT TIME THE BLASTERS TRIED TO THROW A SURPRISE PARTY AND IT DIDN’T GO WELL.

-Crusher has Giovanni’s birthday marked in his personal planner, and in his phone, and he also has the week leading up to it marked, and his calendar has that entire week outlined in pink marker, and basically mid-January he bursts in on a meeting of the other Blasters and goes “THE BOSS’ BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP YOU GUYS”

-One of them - I’m gonna say Flamethrower - actually has a late January birthday and is like “Can we not focus on my birthday first? Please? No? Okay.” (Don’t worry. Giovanni himself will throw Flamethrower THE BIGGEST PARTY)

-So for a while, Giovanni has been going around like “So my birthday is coming up. I sure hope nobody..............IS PLANNING A SURPRISE PARTY”

-Crusher: “So, guys, I’m not sure, but I think he might want a surprise party.” Car Crash: “Are you sure about that?”

-They resolve they are indeed going to throw him the most surprising of parties! Which means they CANNOT acknowledge his birthday until the moment of truth. They have to make him think they FORGOT.

-Which is not easy when Giovanni enters the temporary lair (I still love “abandoned library”; pry that one from my cold fingers) and goes “THE BIRTHDAY BOY HAS ARRIVED”

-There’s a host of grunts and vague acknowledgements. Nobody gets up from what they’re doing.

-Giovanni clears his throat. “I SAID. The birthday boy HAS ARRIVED!”

-Ben: “Happy birthday.” Giovanni: “SHUT UP, BEN!”

-So he tries to just focus on heist planning since nobody seems to be up for birthday talk. Halfway through detailing how he’s going to break into the local public pool after hours for illegal swimming, which is TOTALLY a thing high-profile criminals do, he just slams his hands down on a table and goes “SERIOUSLY, DOES NOBODY CARE THAT IT’S MY BIRTHDAY?”

-Nope. (At least...that’s what they WANT him to think.)

-”That’s fine. This is fine. It doesn’t have to be about me all the time. I can take it.”

-Ten minutes and he’s crying in the corner, wiping his eyes with the corner of his cape, because nobody cares about his birthday

-Ten more minutes and he just storms out. Spike: “So I’m thinking maybe we didn’t think this plan all the way through...”

-Nobody wants to celebrate Giovanni’s birthday? He’ll throw HIS OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY

-He spends, like, four hours making the world’s most perfect layer cake, with the layers dyed all different colors

-His mom walks in on him hanging a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME” banner in the living room and is just “Giovanni what are you doing”

-(She then hands him a watch and a gift card because she might argue with her son a lot but she’s a good mom)

-None of the Blasters seem to care about Giovanni’s birthday...so he’s going to invite his OTHER friends!

-Except Molly’s...busy. Busy? With WHAT? Does she not get that it’s her boss’ birthday?

-(She’s helping the other Blasters prep for the party later.)

-Fast forward fifteen minutes and Giovanni has rounded up one (1) party guest. And the only reason Sylvie is here is because it will get Giovanni to stop blowing up his phone. (Bonus reason: there’s cake. Sylvie doesn’t like to admit it but he loves cake.)

-Sylvie starts to rethink his decision when Giovanni makes him wear a sparkly party hat

-Sylvie realizes that generally one should give a birthday-haver a birthday gift. He doesn’t particularly WANT to but it’s only polite. So he offers for a free therapy session

-(..............is Sylvie the THIRD therapist character with weird nightmare powers that I like? That’s for another post)

-Giovanni: “Please. I am completely self-actualized. I don’t need any help with my emotions.”

-Giovanni, two minutes later, on the couch sobbing: “AND THEY ACTED LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL AND I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL FRIENDS”

-Sylvie is...weirdly sympathetic. But also curious. Why would everyone bail on Giovanni? People mostly seem to like him.

-”And then Bear Trap was busy with some weird appointment she couldn’t even tell me about - “

-It hits Sylvie like a freight train, and he says it before he can think through the consequences: “You...you realize they’re all planning a surprise party for you, right?”

-Giovanni: “They WHAT”

-Sylvie lines up the evidence. Everybody loves Giovanni, but they’re acting like his birthday is nothing, meaning it’s a fakeout.

-Giovanni: “WHY THOSE NO-GOOD DIRTY LIARS - I LOOOOOOVE THEEEEMMMMM”

-Well, the problem is that he and Sylvie have already put away an entire layer cake. Oh, well! Birthdays are for eating two cakes. Birthdays are for doing whatever you want, really!

-Crusher calls him to tell him to come down to the temp lair at once and Giovanni’s just “Riiiiiight. I gotcha.” He winks, even though Crusher can’t see him wink over the phone. Then he goes to head out -

-And at the last minute, invites Sylvie to come along, because Sylvie is his rival, and to a true villain, a rival is as important to you as any friend! (Read: Sylvie is his friend and he wants him at this party)

-Crusher, in the meantime: “I think he figured us out.” Molly: “Probably.”

-So when Giovanni shows up to find the temp lair decked out in confetti and streamers, and a big ol’ chocolate cake on the table, the Blasters all yell “SURPRISE!” with these looks on their faces like they don’t know if he will actually be surprised

-Giovanni: “OH MY GOD I AM SO. SURPRISED!”

-Sylvie: “Yeah, literally no one here is surprised by anything. You all knew what each other was doing.”

-Giovanni: “Though I am touched that you guys gave me the surprise party I’d been bugging you about for weeks - “

-Sylvie: “YOU MEAN YOU TOLD THEM YOU WANTED THIS AND THEY STILL FOOLED YOU? WHAT THE HELL”

-And they all dance the night away to rock songs that probably have too many swear words for Molly to be listening to, but she doesn’t care.

That was more of a story than headcanons but I hope you enjoyed it anyhow