#OH we exchanged playlists awhile back

[spacephrasing]

so it’s been a lil bit since I posted about the crush and a lot happened here’s some highlights

[yunjardi]

my heart bel♡ngs to daddy [series]

[young sugar daddy jake x fem.reader au]

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[click here for this series's masterlist to read previous chapters, general warnings, and playlist]

[‼️chapter warnings‼️: smut [mdni], angst, DADDY KINK, mentions of food, eating, smoking weed, high sex, rough sex, dirty talk, marking (scratching), unprotected sex, squirting, family issues (the plot thickens fr), slut-shaming in a way, lots of drama overall, lmk if i missed anything!] *please note that these are in no particular order

*sorry for any grammar errors

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-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

chapter 12, part 1: when worlds collide

the day was finally here: project presentation day.

you, jeongin, and yeji were nervous as one can be considering that your final grade is riding on this project and presentation.

graduation was so close that you could practically taste it.

"please tell me i'm not the only one who's about to nervously piss like a scared dog," yeji said with a nervous chuckle as she scratched her head. “nope, you’re not the only one,” jeongin responded, wiping his sweaty hands on his pants. 

"we're gonna be fine, guys," you reassured them both, "we made a great project.” you squeezed both of their hands to reassure them further.

just then, the lecture hall door opened, the previous group exiting and letting you guys go in to do your presentation.

"good luck, guys," one of the people walking out said with a deep breath, which worried you guys even more.

the three of you walked into the lecture hall and immediately got down to business, not wanting to waste your professor's time in fear that you'd somehow lose points for doing so.

you three exchanged looks and began your final presentation, ready to fake some confidence in order to sell yourselves.

'next up: graduation,' you thought to yourself as you took a breath before beginning your presentation.

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"congratulations, you three. you've gotten the highest grade so far, and you know what that means," your professor smiled as he pushed up his glasses, "you three have passed my class and are eligible to graduate."

yeji couldn't hold back her excitement and practically screamed in the lecture hall, her voice echoing off the walls as jeongin flinched in surprise.

"thank you so much, professor," you smiled with relief, yeji and jeongin chiming in with their own thank you's.

"the pleasure is all mine. now, you all make sure that you go on to do big and bright things after you graduate," your now past professor encouraged with a warm smile.

"time to celebrate!" yeji said with a sly expression as you guys walked out the lecture hall doors for the last time, letting the next group enter after you.

knowing that you were gonna graduate was such a rewarding feeling. you finally felt accomplished for the first time in awhile.

maybe you really do only need yourself.

"oh, yeah!" jeongin said, excitement coating his tone of voice, "i forgot to mention that yeji can also come to the winter ball with us! i asked my parents, and they improvised the seating so that we could all be there together!"

"hell yeah," yeji smirked, "we get to have a fancy celebration after we graduate." you smiled back at the two of them in response to the information.

life was so eventful lately that you let the winter ball slip out of your mind, but you were still more than happy to attend with your two best friends although you basically forgot about it.

graduation and the winter ball? it sounded like a lot to handle, but you felt a rush of excitement regardless.

partying with your two best friends was a great way to escape the jake drama.

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after returning home from your semi-stressful final presentation, you put on your house slippers and flopped down onto your couch, thankful that university was officially over. it felt good to close off that chapter of your life and move on to bigger and better things like your old professor said.

'you know what would make positive thinking feel even more positive?' you thought to yourself mischievously, 'weed.'

you went into your room to dig through the purse you used on the night of the halloween party, eventually finding the leftover blunt that you snuck into your bag while smoking with the others.

"yes!" you whisper-yelled to yourself, eager to get a little high again. you proceeded to dig through a kitchen drawer to find a lighter so you could light the blunt up. thankfully, you found a lighter with just enough fluid to light a quick flame. clicking the lighter with your thumb at a swift pace, you were able to light up your blunt and finally begin smoking.

you took a long hit, letting the familiar feeling of smoke settling into your lungs take over your being before puffing it out. you'd forgotten how calming it was to smoke all by yourself considering that you smoked with a group of people, not to mention jake, the most recent time you did it.

looking over to the side, you gazed into perry's fishbowl for a second, wishing you could let him take a hit of your blunt so he could feel as euphoric as you did in this moment.

your gaze was broken by a sudden and loud knock on your door. annoyed at the fact that someone had interrupted your private time, you groaned dramatically as you stood up off the couch to answer the door.

you opened the door and immediately starting talking, not wanting to linger at the door for a second longer than you already had to.

"i'm a little busy right now, so if you could come back at a better time, that'd be great. now- wait w-what?" you interrupted your own sentence as you looked up at your guest, "jake? w-what are you doing here?-"

"i need you."

you looked at him with a tilted head because literally haven't spoken to him since going home from his party, so what business could he possibly have with you?

"what do you mean?" you raised an eyebrow, kind of growing annoyed to a point where you took another deep inhale of your weed subconsciously.

"you know what i- wait, why are you smoking again?" jake asked once he saw you blow out some smoke.

"i just felt like it," you shrugged, "but anyway, what was it that you needed?" you asked him with a mildly cold tone, which you'd never used on him before.

"i already said i need you," jake said as you let him into your house.

"that meaning?..."

"i need to fuck you," jake admitted with a deep breath, "i haven't felt your touch in days, and it's killing me." jake blurted out.

now that you were thinking about it, you wanted to feel jake just as much as he wanted to feel you.

so you gave in.

“get in here,” you breathed out with lust, putting the blunt down on the counter next to the fishbowl before you pulled him in for a lustful kiss. jake grabbed the blunt from the counter before the two of you, lips still interlocked, moved to the sofa.

he unlatched his lips from yours to take a hit, motioning to you to come closer so that he could shotgun you. jake blew the smoke into your mouth as you let out a quiet moan at the feeling of his lips being back on yours. he took a second to slip his hoodie off before taking another hit.

after the blunt was basically burnt out, jake made a move. his hand found its way into your panties, his fingers toying with your entrance until he eventually swiftly slipped his middle finger inside you.

you held onto his wrist as he skillfully pumped his digit into you, whining whenever he would curve his finger upward. 

“good girl, taking my finger so well,” jake praised as he continuously curved his finger, “aww, already creaming all over my hand, yeah?” you nodded as your arousal ran down his palm, your pussy overstimulated. he removed his finger from inside you and made you lick it clean which further turned him on.

“i can’t wait any longer,” jake admitted breathlessly, “ i have to be inside you.”

at that, you two stumbled into your room and stripped yourselves down with eagerness. 

before you let him put his cock in you, you licked the precum off of his pretty pink tip before laying on your back. the feeling of your tongue made him shiver as he let out a slight whimper, which you found quite cute.

he positioned his tip outside your pussy, this cock throbbing needily as he slid himself inside you, your walls immediately clenching around him. you two moaned in sync as you wrapped your legs around his waist, needing to feel him closer.

"jake! s-so good," you moaned out loud followed by a quiet mewl. the marijuana definitely amped up the pleasure, your parts becoming more and more sensitive with every little movement.

"my good girl," jake groaned against your neck at the feeling of 1. your tight pussy and 2. your nails digging into his back in pure pleasure.

he continued to thrust cleanly into you while you squirmed underneath him, whimpering in pleasure.

"you like when daddy makes you feel good?" jake whispered in your ear, goosebumps forming on his body as your nails dug into his skin again. "mhm," you mumbled out, "w-wanna cum so bad."

jake smirked at your indirect begging, guiding your hand down to your clit and ordering you to rub it as he pistoned his veiny cock in and out of you. jake could feel himself getting close at the same rate as you, but he wanted to make sure that you came first.

he pounded you from below, your face buried in his neck, mewling and whimpering as you felt the heat of pleasure building up in your core. you were feeling a new type of sensation that you couldn't comprehend as you bit your lip and moaned out for jake.

he left marks underneath your boobs as you continued to whine out for his cock.

just then, a sudden force pushed on his cock, prompting him to pull out. he smirked when he realized that you just squirted on his cock, well, it wasn’t enough to wet the bed, (just part of his lower abdomen) but it was a squirt nonetheless. jake cooed at the way you clung onto him because of how overstimulated you were from squirting for the first time, and you came to the conclusion that the weed was a huge part of the reason you were able to do it.

“aww, baby,” jake cooed, kissing your face, “was that your first time?” he asked as he stroked your hair. you nodded your head then proceeded to hide your shy face in his collarbone. “you think you can give me another one?” jake asked with a gentle yet amorous tone, still gently stroking your hair. “maybe,” you mewled quietly. “let’s try,” jake proposed, “okay, baby?” 

and you obviously fell for that, letting him fuck you relentlessly again.

he pulled you into another position, wanting to see you from all angles as he fucked you until you couldn't remember your name.

you took jake from behind, your palms grasping onto your blanket as jake spanked your pretty ass.

it didn’t take long for you to end up orgasming again, leading jake to his climax from the feeling of your arousal soaking his member. you let him cream you as the two of you held each other to calm down from the overstimulation. 

"daddy," you panted out, "more."

jake looked at you with a raised eyebrow, unsure if he heard you right or if he was just hearing things because of smoking.

"more?" he asked to confirm to which you nodded.

"well, whatever princess wants, princess gets," he smirked against your neck before pressing wet kisses down to your collarbone, wanting to surprise you once his tip slipped into you without warning.

you yelped slightly but that quickly turned into a lustful moan at the feeling of him stretching you out. jake began to thrust in and out of you again as he adored the way your body looked underneath him.

you ran your hands down his toned abs while he fucked you, goosebumps forming all over his body at the sensation of your gentle touch.

it truly didn't take long for the two of you to become undone once again. after all, this was technically round two and you were already previously overstimulated; this just made it more extreme.

“my good girl,” jake whispered before reaching over onto your nightstand to grab tissues and wet napkins, which you started to keep next to you for situations like this, to clean you and himself, "you did so good for daddy."

once he finished cleaning the two of you off, he immediately pulled you close until you felt yourself drifting off to sleep. 

you were slowly, at the literal pace of a snail, starting to believe jake when he said that he chose you.

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an empty bed.

you sighed. 

once you woke up after from your little nap, he was nowhere to be seen, which was odd considering that he typically got pouty when the two of you had to get up after waking up from a post-sex nap. 

at least he left his hoodie folded neatly next to you so that you weren't completely devoid of his presence.

you fell into the little trap that he crafted, reaching over to grab his hoodie, curious if his scent still lingered on it. with a quick sniff, you confirmed that the smell of his cologne was still settled in the soft fabric of the hoodie.

he knew what he was doing.

you then lifted your head from your pillow to see a hefty amount of cash and a folded piece of paper, with something written on it in pink pen, on your side table that read:

for being such a good toy for me ♡. buy yourself something pretty, my princess ♡.

-jake ❤︎

'even his handwriting is pretty,' you sighed to yourself.

for some odd reason, you were unsure of how to feel. on one hand, you felt like you were jake's entire world, but on the other hand, you felt as if you were just a random girl who he was using for a bit of fun. thoughts of him using you as a worthless pawn always occupied your brain, and it was truly becoming a fear of yours. but why did it even matter?

at least you had some money to accompany your thoughts, right? and it looked like more than enough to get a fancy dress for the winter ball.

realizing that, you decided to get ready to go dress shopping alone, which is something you'd never done before.

fuck it. you don't need jake to hold your hand through everything.

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it felt like a lifetime since you last went to a formal ball like this, but it also felt as if it was yesterday when you went to the previous one with jeongin. the only difference between this ball and the last one is that yeji would also be tagging along, which will definitely make things more interesting.

this time around, you were gonna walk in with a clear head and ready to have a good night.

after hours of dress shopping a few nights before, you opted for a loser-fitting dress instead of a tight-fitting one like you'd usually wear because you've been feeling a bit bloated lately (maybe from stress again) and would rather not be reminded of that while you're trying to live your life.

you were putting together the final touches of makeup that you needed when you heard your phone vibrate.

once...

twice...

you decided to ignore it until you were fully finished with your makeup because you figured it wasn't important considering that the only thing you had going on today was the winter ball.

after taking one last look at your makeup to confirm that you were finished, you decided to pick up your phone and check why it was vibrating earlier.

you unlocked your phone to see something completely unexpected.

you practically froze with shock.

why now?

why today?

it's like she knew that you had something special going on today and wanted to fully ruin it. 'she' being your bitch of a mother.

though it took every ounce of your being to not start sobbing and sending her a worse reply to her already horrid texts, you weren't going to give her the satisfaction of ruining your night whether she was there to witness your downfall or not.

without replying, you shoved your phone into your bag while you waited for a knock at your door.

you wanted to cry so, so, so badly, but you had to stay strong.

good thing the sound of your friends knocking at your door was able to make you feel a little better knowing that you weren't gonna be alone tonight.

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the winter ball was at the same location as the previous ball but had a completely different atmosphere.

a huge christmas tree in the middle of the entrance, extravagant decorations all over the room, basically what you'd expect from rich people on christmas.

the place was practically screaming the holiday spirit.

you'd forgot about all the photographers that would be swarming the venue since it was a high-profile event. there were paparazzis snapping candid photos of you, yeji, and jeongin walking into the main ballroom to get yourselves seated at your respective table. once the three of you were seated, the paparazzi focused on the next group of people entering.

once mostly everyone was seated, jeongin's family included, the night's emcee began giving introductions and the whole 'thanks for the great year' speech of many to come. you were quite zoned out for most of that part.

then came the meal portion of the night, and good god the food was some of the best food you've ever tasted. you didn't and never have had a high standard in regards to food, but all you knew was this food tasted unreal. but then again, maybe you were just hungry?

you looked over at yeji who seemed to slow down though she still had some food on her plate, and you just couldn't help but ask:

"...are you gonna eat that?"

you could totally tell that yeji was trying her best not to erupt with laughter at the way you asked your question. she found it out of the ordinary, but still, she (tried) to discreetly switch plates with you, shifting her eyes side to side to see if anyone was looking at you two weird.

"i saw that," jeongin clowned you two as you both snapped your head to the side to look in his direction, "but i don't blame you, the food is really good." he sweetly moved some of his food from his plate onto yours, making you smile though your mouth was stuffed with food.

the rest of the dinner portion of the ball was a blur since you were busy shoving food down your throat as people talked all around you.

well in all honesty, everything that had to do with the formal award part of the ball was a blur until jeongin's family business was awarded something which snapped you out of your slight daze.

you and yeji clapped for his family when they went up to receive the award and even snapped pictures of a smiley jeongin holding onto the shiny award that would soon be on display in their main building. other than jeongin's family receiving their award, you didn't pay any attention to the rest of the ceremony but before you knew it, it was time for the party half of the ball; the part everyone had been impatiently waiting for.

waiters and waitresses began wandering around the ballroom holding fancy silver trays filled with even fancier cocktails. you weren't in an alcohol mood, so you opted for a non-alcoholic beverage instead before being dragged to the dance floor by your two best friends.

you smiled and tried not to laugh to hard while you all tried to have a three-way slow dance. thankfully, the dj switched to a more party-like so you guys didn't have to try to goofily slow dance.

somehow in the midst of dancing on the overly huge dance floor, yeji and jeongin ended up with glasses of alcohol in their hands as you all danced together.

"sip?" yeji asked, tipping the glass toward you to offer you a drink to which you declined, not wanting to feel the after affects of the alcohol the next day. especially because your graduation ceremony was taking place tomorrow, which those two probably forgot considering that they began drinking.

you soon. decided to go sit back down at the table with yeji while jeongin mingled with his other friends and family. yeji looked like she needed a break from dancing anyway so she followed behind you, placing her now empty glass on a waiter's empty tray before getting seated.

you two sat down just in time because the dj began playing another cheesy slow song that you'd rather not dance to.

"i'm glad we're all here together," you let out a content sigh, "i always smile so much when i'm with you guys." yeji blew a raspberry at you jokingly. "you didn't even have any alcohol, and you're being cheesy," she teased you as she nudged you by your forearm. you swatted at her playfully as you two laughed, having a genuinely fun time together.

but your joyous time would end once you let your eyes drift to the dance floor while yeji checked her phone.

it was him. unmistakably him. and it was her. unmistakably her.

you blinked your eyes a couple of times to confirm that what you were seeing wasn't a figment of your imagination, but alas, it was real.

painfully real.

this time, you let your head turn to the side to get a better look for further confirmation. just in case.

you wished you didn't do that.

you watched as jake slow-danced with the evil bitch who'd been harassing you at work ever since you met him. she had such a big smile on her face, and he was smiling back at her. it made you wonder if it was her who was making him happy this whole time and not you. in the back of your mind, you knew you weren't the only one, but actually seeing it tore your heart out of your chest.

you also wondered if he knew about what she did to you. and if he did know, was he just okay with it?

it was painful to look at, but you couldn't look away for some reason.

and as if he felt your presence, he happened to glance over to you, the two of you locking eyes for a second before you turned away because you felt your eyes becoming glossy with tears.

you gathered your purse that was hung on your chair and stood up, needing to leave as soon as possible before something went down.

"hey, what's up? where are you going?" yeji asked with an alarmed tone.

"i have to go," you responded, trying your best to sound as casual as possible, "a-after all, tomorrow's graduation and i should probably get some rest, right? you know how i get when i'm tired." you joked lightly to steer her away from thinking something is wrong.

"a-are you sure? do you have a way to get home? innie and i have been drinking, so-"

"yeah, it's all good," you forced a smile, "i'll get home safely i promise." you held out your pinky finger for her to which she held hers out too, the two of you pinky-promising before you gave her a hug. "just tell innie that i decided to head home," you requested, "i don't want to interrupt his... boy time." you chuckled as you shifted your eyes to him drunkenly slow-dancing with one of his friends. yeji chuckled back and gave you one last squeeze before you sped out of the venue.

did you actually have a ride home? no. but you were gonna get there the old fashion way.

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you tried to be casual and avoid the stares you were getting on the underground train. you couldn't blame them, though.

you were in a full gown riding the underground train with mildly smeared eye makeup from tearing up, so no wonder they were staring. you were just trying to get home.

"y/n?" you heard someone ask, snapping you out of your dreary thoughts. you looked over to see a familiar face.

choi yeonjun.

you were slightly taken aback, but responded.

"oh, hi," you chuckled with a bit of embarrassment, "i didn't expect to run into you here at this hour." he smiled back at your shy face.

"you're dressed all fancy," yeonjun complimented you as he looked you up and down, "where are you coming from?"

"just this fancy ball," you replied, "but i wanted to leave so here i am." you chuckled nervously again.

"well..." yeonjun trailed off, "if you're down we can head to my place." his tone turned flirtatious.

you didn't think much before just impulsively replying.

"i'd love to."

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a/n: hi gang, this chapter is super late but i hope you still enjoy reading it :) lots of plot twists this time

taglist: @axartia @jjhmk @valiantwastelanddelusion @jayroseyy @ayohahaha @asaheyow @lhsng @i-dalso @bunhoons @red-xherry @duolingofanaccount @lix-freckle3 @l0st-h0p3s @leeis @muffinminnie @green-orangeade @imbaeksbae @sunghoonmybeloved @tum73er @dilftime @sjakewrld @markleeisdabestdrug @futuremodeldiary @jeondolly @lil-iva @lalalalawon @noirgray @jckeplanet @teddy-lhj @meinapricity @jjkshies @bubbleseo @cherryunie @mqndnolia @bently-baby @fluffypiesstuff @ihrtk1ve @wonkiluvr @teti-menchon0604 @lovienikitty @rjsmochii i @omgjwon @sunshine-skz @wy1999t @lv4rin @oceanyocean @nyfwyeonjun @mxshimoo @multifandombtvh @donghyckl @iloveoceaneyesss @jakeswhore @jinsfavoritedoll @brownsugarbaybee @heehee01 @mesopret @heesitation @heeverseblog

*some accs could not be tagged (pls make sure your tags are on before asking to be added to the taglist <3 )

©yunjardi on tumblr

[lookforanewangle]

keep my love close to yours || spn || 2.2k || ao3

found this lovely post by @aheartbeatoftheuniverse​ in a screenshot on twitter and started writing in my head almost immediately, and now here we are :’) also used my ‘windmill in a meadow’ playlist as it fit the vibe

*

“I made a deal,” Cas says again, “when Jack was dying. A deal with the Empty. When I– when I finally felt happiness, true happiness, it would take me, in exchange for Jack’s life. I had to do it, Dean, and I won’t let you tell me otherwise.”

“And...and your happiness...is–”

Cas looks up at him sharply and Dean stutters to a halt, stomach fluttering anxiously. “Oh,” Dean says dumbly.

Oh.

or: Dean tries to confess to Cas in Purgatory, and Cas tells him about his deal, plus everything after

Oh, I won't be long It's just for now Oh, I'll come back here When time allows

...Keep my love close to yours We'll lay down again, once more When I get back again I get back again And it's so hard, to live without Your softest touch Your burning mouth

– back again by flor

*

“Okay, Cas,” Dean says, heart in his throat as his pulse roars in his ears; now or never: “I need to say something.”

“You don’t have to say it,” Cas says, “I heard your prayer.”

“There’s...there’s something else,” Dean says slowly, watching as Cas stiffens. He continues on. “Something I didn’t say.”

“Dean–” Cas interjects, a warning in his tone.

“I have to,” Dean pushes, edging on frantic, “I– I’ve needed to say this for awhile, but I just...didn’t know how to, I guess. But Cas, I l–”

“Stop,” Cas barks, voice raised as he takes a tiny step back, his eyes wide in horror. Dean’s mouth snaps closed. “You can’t. Not now. Not– no. You can’t.”

“What do you mean not now?” Dean asks, confusion overruling every other thought. He watches warily as Cas casts his gaze around them. Dean turns too, looking for whatever Cas had heard or sensed, only to find nothing. “What’s going on, Cas?”

“We don’t have time for this,” Cas says, reaching forward and tugging at Dean’s arm. “We have to get back.”

Dean stumbles forward before his brain catches up and he digs his heels in, coming to an abrupt stop. His arm slips from Cas’s grip. Cas turns back to him, frenzied. “Dean–”

“Cas,” Dean cuts in warily, mind whirling a mile a minute as he takes in Cas’s tense shoulders, his panicked gaze. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Cas turns his gaze to the forest floor. Dean’s chest begins to tighten, anxiety writhing beneath his ribs.

“Cas–”

“I made a deal,” Cas says, almost too quiet for Dean to hear. His fists are clenched at his sides.

“What?” Dean chokes.

“I made a deal,” Cas says again, “when Jack was dying. A deal with the Empty. When I– when I finally felt happiness, true happiness, it would take me, in exchange for Jack’s life. I had to do it, Dean, and I won’t let you tell me otherwise.”

“And...and your happiness...is–”

Cas looks up at him sharply and Dean stutters to a halt, stomach fluttering anxiously. “Oh,” Dean says dumbly.

Oh.

“We need to go,” Cas murmurs, turning on his heel, “or we won’t make it.”

Dean, numb, follows.

*

Cas avoids Dean when at all possible when they return.

Dean doesn’t seek him out. He doesn’t want to be the one to send Cas to his demise.

*

I love you, Dean wants to say when Cas is home for Jack’s return.

I love you, Dean wants to say when Cas wordlessly places a mug at his elbow late into the night as they’re researching alternate ways to defeat Chuck, and searching for ways to get Cas out of his deal.

I love you, Dean wants to say when Cas leaves yet again, wants to grab his arm and hold him here where there’s at least some illusion of safety.

I love you.

He doesn’t say a word.

*

“What’s going on with you two?” Sam asks, and Dean startles from where he’d been staring towards the Bunker door after Cas left with Jack. “You guys haven’t spoken in weeks.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sammy,” Dean says lowly, chest throbbing mournfully in his chest. It hasn’t stopped since Cas told him about the deal, and every moment spent apart aches just as much as all the times before. Only now, Dean knows, or suspects, that there's a matching ache in Cas's chest. And that’s…that’s good, he has to remind himself; it’s good, because then Cas won’t be ripped away again. Dean can handle the hurt until they’re really free. He’s been harboring this kind of ache for years.

“You know we’re going to save him, right?” Sam says gently, ducking down to try and catch Dean’s gaze. Dean ignores him, thumbing at the side of his mug, an older chipped little thing with a bee on it, something Cas found at a Goodwill in Topeka on the way back from a hunt. Dean couldn't deny those sad blue eyes then, he's never been able to.

“I know,” Dean says, knuckles tightening on the handle. He won't allow anything less.

*

Dean wants to give Cas everything, is the thing. Any dorky little mugs or trinkets, hell, a house if that’s what he wants. Out of this sunless fortress, Cas would really thrive. Curtains on the windows. A garden out back.

Three little words, stored safely in his chest.

I love you.

Not yet, not yet, not yet.

*

Before Chuck is trapped in the Bunker, when Cas and Jack return from their hunt, Dean finds Cas in the kitchen.

It’s late, and Cas doesn’t sleep, but Dean can’t sleep either, the weight of the world and his best friend’s and his pseudo-son’s lives in his hands, and sleep is the farthest thing from his mind. Dean stumbles into the kitchen, Cas sitting in the low lamplight from the stove, shadows cast sharply across his features. He looks exhausted. He looks defeated, and it cuts Dean straight to his core.

He warms up their mugs, taking his time puttering through the cabinets and pulling out the honey Cas likes to drizzle in his coffee. Something about the mixture of the molecules being more acceptable than plain black coffee. He sets the mugs on the table, takes the seat across from Cas, and keeps his eyes trained on the worn grains of wood as he sips.

Neither of them speak.

Eventually, Cas picks up his coffee with a hum, a wordless thanks, and Dean nods, too scared to look up to see Cas’s face this close. They haven’t been this close since Purgatory, and Dean is too scared to do anything but sit with him, needing the closeness but fearing the end.

Maybe it’s the late hour, maybe it’s the incessant want pulsing through him at every hour of every day, but when Cas sets his mug back down, fingers holding onto the chipped porcelain like a lifeline, Dean lets his hand wander, lets his pinkie rest against Cas’s own. Cas sucks a breath through his nose, but the world stays quiet, the shadows don’t shift or writhe, and Dean allows himself a breath. He wouldn’t dare hold Cas’s hand, not now, but he needs to be here, needs to let Cas know he’s not going anywhere.

Cas is the one that reaches out this time, who lets his fingers wrap around Dean’s and hold tight in a death grip. Dean can’t look at him, can’t risk whatever Cas will see in his eyes, in his face; I love you I love you I love you is pounding away in his chest, in his throat, bubbling up on his tongue, and it’s everything he can do to keep his head down, keep his lips clamped shut, and make sure Cas stays.

Dean squeezes back, and doesn’t say a word.

*

“I can’t stop it,” Dean says, realization hitting him like a freight train as Billie pounds against the door. This is it. This is the end. He doesn’t know how everything went so wrong.

“She’s gonna get through that door,” Dean says.

Cas won’t look at him. “I know,” he says, and Dean stumbles on.

“She’s gonna kill you,” Dean says, panic fighting it’s way up his chest, “and then she’s going to kill me. I’m sorry,” he whispers, turning his gaze to the floor. It wasn’t supposed to end like this–

“Wait. There is...There’s one thing she’s afraid of,” Cas says, relief and fear at war with each other on his face as he finally looks Dean in the eye after months of avoidance. Dean drinks it in like water, desperate for him. “There’s one thing strong enough to stop her.”

“What–” Dean’s heart freezes in his chest as he remembers. “No,” he begs, rooted to the spot, “no, not now, not like this. Cas–”

“What other choice do we have?” Cas asks, stepping closer, and Dean is trembling, anxiety buzzing down through his fingers. Cas has a rueful, broken smile on his face, eyes bright with tears as he takes another step closer. Dean takes one back. How can he be smiling at a time like this?

“The Empty is the only thing she’s scared of,” Cas says, continuing his trek forward, and Dean has to keep his distance, he has to– “and I can summon it now to stop her.”

“We can– we can wait her out,” Dean chokes, walking backwards and away, he can’t– he can’t let Cas– “She said it herself, the wound is killing her–”

“The door won’t last that long,” Cas says softly, gently, as if comforting Dean about his own demise is supposed to help. Dean collides with the wall, and it takes all his strength to keep his knees locked, to keep himself from collapsing to the floor.

“But I can save you,” Cas continues, coming to a stop in front of him. He’s calm, his smile softer now; why is he smiling– “I always thought that...that the one thing I wanted...was something I couldn’t have. I thought that happiness was in the having, not in just... being. Just saying it.”

“Cas,” he begs, eyes filling with tears. “Don’t do this.”

“And there’s truth to that,” Cas says, ignoring Dean’s pleas. “After Purgatory, after that night in the kitchen...knowing that you felt similarly, saying it in return would truly be the happiest moment I’ve experienced.”

“But I haven’t said it yet,” Dean says, voice hoarse.

“No,” Cas agrees, “I wouldn’t let you. I was too afraid. But I could feel it. And we’ve always had each other, haven’t we?”

Dean exhales around a sob, nodding. His chin trembles. “I’m sorry I couldn't–”

“Shh,” Cas whispers, one bloody hand resting above the first scar from all those years ago, his other hand lifting to cup Dean’s cheek, and Dean has to close his eyes against the flood of tears burning behind his eyes. He lifts his hands, gripping tight to Cas’s arms, leaning into the palm resting against his face. “You've already apologized. I felt the love behind it then, and I’ve seen it in you for years. Everything you do, you do for love. The good and the bad.”

“Cas–”

“I didn’t know then, but I do now: you’ve changed me, Dean, since that first moment we met, and every moment since. I’m sorry for leaving so often. I’m sorry for leaving you again, leaving like this. But it must be done.”

“Please,” Dean begs, voice thick with tears. “Cas, please.”

Cas presses his lips to his forehead and Dean chokes on a sob, Cas’s wrist creaking beneath his fingers.

“I love you,” Cas murmurs against his skin, tears dripping against Dean’s brow.

“Cas, I–”

The door slams open then and Dean startles, eyes flying open as he tightens his grip on Cas. Billie stands there in all her fury, eyes nearly sparking in the fluorescent light of the Bunker. To his right, an oozing, gaping maw yawns open on the wall.

“You have to let go, Dean,” Cas says, trying to tug himself from Dean’s grip.

“I��ll find you,” Dean says in a rush, releasing Cas’s wrists and capturing his face between his palms. “I’ll– we’ll figure out a way to get you out. I’m not losing you again, you understand me?”

Cas’s blue eyes swim, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “I know,” he whispers.

“I will,” Dean says again, thumbs stroking across Cas’s cheekbones. “I– Cas–”

Cas steps back then, out of Dean’s reach as the Empty swirls through the room, smothering Billie. Dean's hands have never felt so empty.

“Goodbye, Dean,” Cas says. He keeps smiling as the Empty swallows him whole.

Dean’s legs finally give out beneath him then as the room goes quiet. He collapses to the floor, his sobs tearing out of him in a whirlwind. I love you I love you I love you–

“I love you,” Dean cries, face buried in his palms. “I love you.”

Cas isn’t there to say it back.

*

They pull him out, in the end.

*

Cas is covered in black ooze, but Dean couldn’t care less, tugging him tight to his chest and clinging like his life depends on it. Cas grips back just as tight and Dean lets himself have this, lets himself hold Cas close and sink into his embrace.

They did it. They got Cas out. Chuck is dead. They’re…they’re free.

They’re finally, finally, free.

Dean pulls away slowly and frames Cas’s face in his hands.

“I haven’t gotten to say it yet,” Dean says, thumb stroking reverently across Cas’s cheek. Relieved tears burn at the corners of his eyes.

“Tell me,” Cas whispers. His blue, blue eyes aren’t sad anymore.

Anything, Dean thinks, I’d give you anything.

“I love you. Fuck, I love you so much, Cas,” he breathes, leaning in to press kisses to Cas’s brow, his cheeks, his jaw. “Have for so long.”

“Me too,” Cas murmurs, voice shaking. “I love you, too.”

[jenohi]

double take

PAIRING ▸ park jeongwoo x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ mutual pining, best friends-to-read it to find out, high school au, lacrosse au,

WARNINGS ▸ foul language, mild aggression(???)

SUMMARY ▸ when two friends start questioning the feelings they have for each other.

PLAYLIST ▸ double take by dhruv

WORD COUNT ▸ 4541 words

A/N ▸ Honestly, I'm not totally satisfied with this piece but I've been sitting on it for awhile and I would just rather publish it. I had many thoughts as I wrote this piece and at some point as I wrote I started to question if I picked the right member for this story. But I stand by my decision with the member I chose.

I could say I never dare

To think about you in that way

But, I would be lying

Jeongwoo was lost in thought as he walked back home from school. It was something he wasn’t used to doing alone but lately it was something that had been happening more and more often. But still he wasn’t able to shake the feeling and get used to it. Without your presence around, without his favorite person to bicker with, Jeongwoo found he had more time to think.

“Jeongwoo-ya!” Jaehyuk yelled. When Jeongwoo got home he was still lost deep in his thoughts, so lost that he hadn’t heard his brother call out to him at all. “Jeongwoo!” Jaehyuck yelled again, this time right into Jeongwoo’s ear. Jeongwoo flinched and poked his ear a few times to make sure he could still hear before he turned around to glare at his brother.

“What?”

“Are you good? I said hello when you came home and you just walked right past me in zombie-mode, I even offered you oreos.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Jaehyuk gave his little brother a strange look, his eyes wide and mouth gaping open. He was surprised. “You’re even apologizing now? What’s gotten into you? Are you good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I think.”

To anyone other than Jeongwoo, it was obvious that Jeongwoo was indeed not fine. “Cut the shit. Something’s on your mind, what’s wrong? Also where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her in awhile, I feel like she used to always come back here with you.”

“Aish, I’m fine. Y/N? Well… I think she’s doing okay. Honestly, I haven’t seen her in like a few weeks. One day she told me not to wait up for her and so that day I didn’t. But the next day I did and the next day and the next day…” Jeongwoo said. He hadn’t realized that each day he had waited for you until he said it aloud. Why did he wait for you?

As if he could read Jeongwoo’s mind, Jaehyuk asked “why did you wait for her? Did she tell you to?”

“No, but we used to walk back together every day.” Jeongwoo paused, “I guess I just got used to it and expected things would go back to normal. She lives next door, we’ve been walking back together for years now.”

“How do you feel about it?” Jaehyuk asked, doing his best to contain his excitement and to stop himself from cheering like he was watching a soccer match. He’d been watching this budding relationship develop for years now. It seemed like his bone-headed baby brother was finally pulling his head out of his ass. His ship was taking off. Finally.

Jeongwoo paused. “I don’t know. How am I supposed to feel? We’re just friends right?”

“Right.” Jeongwoo could hear the snark in his brother’s voice as he turned around and walked into his room. “Maybe you should think about it a little bit more.”

“Think about what?” Jeongwoo asked, exasperated, now it felt like his own brother was acting weird too. Jeongwoo wanted to pull his hair out. He wanted his brother to stop asking him such cryptic questions, he wanted to ask his friend why she had suddenly stopped walking home with him, and he just wanted...he just wanted to go back to when things were normal.

“Jeongwoo. Tell me, have you ever thought of Y/N as anything other than a friend?” Jaehyuk said. Then he pondered it for a second. “Actually, you don’t even have to tell me. Tell yourself. Be totally honest.”

With that Jaehyuk disappeared behind the door to his room and Jeongwoo stood there once again in thought. He thought about the times you had spent walking back together, sharing stories, sharing secrets, and sharing songs. He thought about how vibrant and lovely you looked when you told him what crazy things had happened to you that day. The walks back home were so much more quiet without you.

To say he had never thought about you that way was...a lie.

And I pretend I'm happy for you

When you find some dude to take home

The next day of school Jeongwoo made up his mind to confront you about it. Okay, maybe not confront you about it but ask you if everything was okay. He found you sitting in your seat in the homeroom chatting away with your friends. Jeongwoo did his best to wipe his hands on his thighs as discreetly as possible before tapping on your shoulder.

You turned around, you could feel your eyebrows shoot up when you saw Jeongwoo standing there behind you. “Hey.”

“Hi, would you mind if I had a word with you really quickly?” Jeongwoo asked.

“No, not at all. Let’s go out in the hallway.” You said, getting up from your seat and smiling at your friends before walking out of the classroom, you spun around once you were a reasonable distance from the classroom door. “What’s up?”

“I just, I was just wondering why I haven’t seen you outside the school. So you know, we can walk home together. I’ve been waiting for you.”

You felt your heart flip-flop but you didn’t let it show. “Oh, well I joined the school’s ambassador program right? The foreign exchange students arrived. They asked us to stay after to help them get accustomed to the school’s culture and to answer any questions they have. It’s actually so much fun, my student is this guy from Japan! His name is Haruto! Jeongwoo, he’s so attractive.”

Before you could continue or Jeongwoo could respond, the bell rang. You tossed an apologetic smile over your shoulder before walking into the classroom and taking a seat. Jeongwoo made his way over to his own classroom and sat down for class. But he couldn’t focus at all.

‘Haruto? Who was Haruto?’ he thought. ‘How attractive could he be? There’s no way this Haruto guy was more attractive than he was right?’

Jeongwoo pulled out his phone to check his appearance. He felt his phone ring, he glanced up to see that the teacher wasn’t looking so he clicked on the notification to read the message he just received. His chest felt weird for a quick second when he saw the notification was from you.

Y/N: Was there anything else you needed? I’m sorry you’ve been waiting for me, you don’t have to do that now. I should have told you earlier but Haruto’s been walking me home after our program.

Jeongwoo: No, that’s all I was curious about. Thanks for the heads up. Haruto sounds like a cool guy. I’m glad.

Jeongwoo was not glad.

But, I won't deny that

In the midst of the crowds

In the shapes in the clouds

I don't see nobody but you

And suddenly, it was like Jeongwoo couldn’t not see you. You were everywhere. He started to take new routes home, he visited shops, studied in cafes, sometimes he even considered joining a school club just to stay after. But everywhere he went, everything he did he thought of you. He saw something in a shop that would remind him of you, he wondered what kind of drink you’d get at the cafes he visited, and even in the most crowded streets sometimes he swore he saw your face.

You were everywhere yet nowhere at the same time.

In my rose-tinted dreams

Wrinkled silk on my sheets

I don't see nobody but you

But Jeongwoo acknowledged he was truly and utterly screwed when he started to see your pretty face in his dreams. Your face wasn’t ever the problem. It was missing you. It was wondering if you had replaced him. It was wondering if you were with that new guy Haruto now.

At the end of two weeks of utterly horrible sleep, Jeongwoo thought to himself. He needed to do something about the situation and he needed to do it fast. The best person to consult? His hopeless romantic of a brother.

you got me hooked on to something

Who could say that they saw us coming?

Tell me, do you feel the love?

“Jaehyuk-hyung. Help me.” Jeongwoo asked, slamming his brother’s door open and barging into the room.

Jaehyuk paused his game, muttered something into the microphone and then took off his headset. “What’s up?”

“I like Y/N. What do I do?”

“Awww Jeongwoo has a crush! My baby brother has finally opened his eyes and is admitting his feelings to himself.” Jaehyuk teased.

“Yeah yeah. You get to jab at me this one time and then never again. You may be older than me but I’ve grown 8 cm in the last year. I’m just as tall as you now!” Jeongwoo threatened.

“I feel like I should be able to tease you about it for a little longer than just this once. It’s so obvious between the two of you. You both are such dummies.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Jeongwoo asked. “Nevermind, I don’t think I want to know. Just help me, what do I do? She’s been spending the last few weeks after school with another guy. I have to act fast and I want to impress her.”

“Well, there’s a long weekend coming up. What do you guys like in common?”

“We talk about music a lot. She and I have similar taste in music.”

“Why don’t you take her to a concert or see live music or something?”

Jeongwoo thought about it. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how good of an idea it was and it was possible, he saw an ad for his and your favorite artist that was coming to town soon. He rushed out of Jaehyuk’s room.

“Thanks hyung!”

The first thing Jeongwoo did once he got back to his room was search the concert details. To his relief, there were still tickets available and he snatched two as quickly as he could. He breathed a sigh of relief once he found the confirmation in his email.

His mind wandered over to what Jaehyuk had said earlier ‘it’s so obvious between the two of you’. What was so obvious? Was there something he wasn’t seeing? Did you feel the way he felt about you? Did everybody else see something between the two of you that neither of you had seen yourselves?

Who else saw them coming? Did you feel the love? Was it love? Whatever. Jeongwoo just prayed you would be available this weekend.

Spend the summer of a lifetime with me

Let me take you to the place of your dreams

Tell me, do you feel the love?

Jeongwoo: Are you free this weekend? I got tickets to Big Bang’s concert. We should go.

Y/N: I’m so down to go to Big Bang. Haruto is actually a huge fan as well. He got me a ticket! We should all go together. Haruto is really cool! I think you guys would get along amazing.

Jeongwoo could feel his insides curling up on each other and the expression on his face souring. But he sucked up his pride and answered.

Jeongwoo: Awesome.

Jeongwoo had to admit, Haruto was cool. The two boys had exchanged conversations about music, sports, and clothes. Everything under the sun. Except for you. He wanted to ask but he also didn’t want to ask. He was afraid of the answer.

He tried to keep his cool when he saw you interact with Haruto. His mind was clouded with questions, worries. Was he too late in chasing your affections?

About halfway through the concert you had started to get fed up by the way Jeongwoo was acting. Bang Bang Bang came on and you were not going to let Jeongwoo’s prissy attitude ruin this experience so you grabbed his hand and started jumping. Thankfully, the sour expression on your best friend’s face started to disappear. At the sight of Jeongwoo’s goofy grin, you felt a strangely warm feeling spread through your body and the warmth flowed up into your face. You tried your best not to think too much about it.

By the end of the song, Jeongwoo had his arm thrown over your shoulder and yours was loosely wrapped around his waist as the two of you jumped to the beat. At the very end of the song as you went to land the last jump, there was a sharp pain that shot up your ankle as you landed.

Jeongwoo felt his heart lurch as he realized you were about to slip. Without even thinking, he wrapped his other arm around you and held you before you could topple over. And then all of sudden it was like the world had paused. For the first time in a few weeks, Jeongwoo really looked at his best friend for the first time.

He looked into your eyes and asked the question that he was too afraid to say aloud. ‘Do you feel the love?’

And I could say I never answered

Those believers inside my head

But that's far from the truth

For the rest of the concert, Jeongwoo held you in his arms as the two of you swayed from side to side. You hadn’t realized how much Jeongwoo had grown in the past few weeks. You were thankful that you were facing the band and that Jeongwoo stood behind you with his head resting on yours. His arms were wrapped around your shoulders.

Truthfully, the last few weeks had been both torture and a sweet relief. You knew there were feelings simmering for Jeongwoo for a long time, but lately you couldn’t put a finger on it. He had grown up and he had grown up well. And then all of a sudden the feelings exploded and they became hard to tame and hide. So when you saw the flyer for the foreign exchange students program a few weeks ago, which would run after school, you snatched up the opportunity.

The time away from Jeongwoo did help you clear up your mind a bit. And you did make a new friend from it. Haruto. And Haruto was handsome. But there was no romantic chemistry. Haruto had his own romantic issues.

But this concert wasn’t what you were expecting. It wasn’t weird for you and Jeongwoo to exchange the occasional hug. But this felt like more affection than usual and it felt good. When Jeongwoo had caught you from the fall and looked into your eyes as he held you, your head started to spin, your thoughts and feelings started to run wild again. It was harder and harder to run from the truth, that you had fallen for your best friend, Jeongwoo.

To admit that was scary. To wonder what would happen to your relationship if things changed. What if he didn’t feel the same way about you? What if he became awkward and the relationship irrevocably fell apart? But what if he did return your feelings? But then what if it didn’t work out and it all fell apart? Suddenly, this didn’t feel so good anymore.

Jeongwoo wanted to hold you and never let you go. Unaware of the many thoughts flying through your head, he wished you’d turn around and look at him again. He wished he was braver, he wished. He wished for so many things but he was scared. But for now he was so happy, so content, holding you in his arms.

Don't know what's come over me

It seems like yesterday when I said

“We'll be friends forever”

“Y/N? Can we grab food after this?” Jeongwoo asked into your ear. A sudden storm of butterflies stormed into your stomach and you pretended not to hear him as you pulled his arms off of your shoulders and stepped out of his embrace.

Jeongwoo could feel his body heat in frustration. He had never had to fight for your attention, there was never any competition for it before. But now that he had to, he hated it.

“Where’s Haruto?” you asked, looking around for your friend, avoiding eye contact with Jeongwoo. Thankfully before it became too awkward you felt your phone vibrate. You tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Haruto.

‘Haruto was great, but was he really so great he could undo the years of growing up together?’ Jeongwoo fumed silently as you read the message on your phone. He tried his best to compose himself.

Haruto: I had to go, sorry. I saw someone I used to know.

Shit.

“Y/N? What’s up?”

“Uh, Haruto dipped. He caught up with a friend.” you said. Jeongwoo did all that he could to keep the smile off of his face.

“So...you wanna grab food?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you hungry? Let’s go to McDonald’s! We should catch up. I feel like-”

“Actually, it’s kind of late Jeongwoo. And I’m kind of tired. Would you mind taking me home?”

This time, you did see the smile slide right off of Jeongwoo’s face. “Oh. Yeah of course.”

“Thanks Jeongwoo. You’re such an amazing friend to me.”

Constellations of stars

Murals on city walls

I don't see nobody but you

If Jeongwoo thought the two weeks leading up to the concert were bad, then the next two were absolute hell. Instead of moving forward, it was like your relationship had shot backwards.

‘Friend?’ Jeongwoo fumed. He was absolutely pissed every time he thought about it. He didn't want to be your friend. That much was obvious now.

Now it wasn’t just that the two of you didn’t walk back home together. Now you didn’t answer his texts. Now you didn’t even look at him in school. Now you didn’t even show up to support him at his sporting events. Now it sucked. Jeongwoo felt like a kid who had done something wrong and had been sent to time out. But what had he done wrong?

Had he overstepped his boundaries? Had he said something wrong? He hadn’t said anything other than ‘do you want to get food?’

But still Jeongwoo couldn’t get you out of his mind.

You're my vice, you're my muse

You're a nineteenth floor view

I don't see nobody but you

Jeongwoo thought he was being rational. He figured you needed space but he couldn’t figure out why. But when Jaehyuk dropped him off at lacrosse tryouts in the spring and he saw that you were in the stands chatting with Haruto he was absolutely livid. He could feel his heart face and his blood boil. Jeongwoo’s regular pleasant demeanor had evaporated in an instant.

But to be fair, all his pent up aggression seemed to work to his benefit as he exerted all of it on the field. And at the end of the day, his coach had told him that he’d done so well he might get a spot on the varsity team. That was an amazing opportunity as a Sophomore.

If Jeongwoo was livid seeing you at tryouts the first day. He was absolutely furious when he saw Haruto run up to you during breaks to chat. When he saw you hand Haruto a bottle of water with such a pretty smile on your face he wanted to punch something. Or someone.

At the end of the second day of tryouts, the coach called Jeongwoo into his office.

“I don’t know what they feed you kids over in Japan. But all four of you are good.” Jeongwoo heard once he was within hearing distance of the office. Japan? Jeongwoo’s mood soured when he saw a familiar lanky figure. He knocked on the doorframe to make his presence known to the coach.

Haruto smirked when he saw Jeongwoo standing at the door with a darkened expression on his face. But it was gone the second he turned back to face the coach.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

On the third and final day of tryouts, Jeongwoo was relieved that he didn’t see you. He cringed when he realized how horrible that thought was but he wanted to be laser focused today. He wanted to do his absolute best. No, he wanted to be the absolute best.

But his game was off, Jeongwoo was antsy and his mind kept straying. During each break he didn’t realize his eyes were wandering everywhere just to get a glimpse of you. It was infuriating to see you here for Haruto but it was unsettling not to see you here at all. And it showed.

On the field during the last game of tryouts, it was Haruto and Jeongwoo facing off against each other. Face to face, right in front of each other, just before the whistle blew Haruto taunted his opponent. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

If there was one redeeming moment of today’s tryouts it was this last game. Jeongwoo played as hard as he could, as ferocious as he could. But just for a second he lost control and played a bit dirty. The game ended when he was called for an illegal body check.

“Dude what’s your problem?” Haruto asked.

Jeongwoo turned around and got up in his face. “No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

“Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

“Boys! Over here, now!” the coach hollered before Jeongwoo could ask for an explanation.

As soon as the two boys entered the office, he asked “Jeongwoo, how do you think you played today?”

“Not the best I could have sir, something was on my mind. I apologize, it won’t happen again.”

“Damn right, it better not. After seeing you play today I was about ready to cut you from the team entirely.”

Jeongwoo felt his heart drop to his stomach. Haruto felt awkward. He wasn’t sure why he had to be here for this.

“Haruto. I saw you say something to Jeongwoo before the last game. I don’t condone foul play. Whatever petty drama you both got going on between the two of you get it sorted out, fast. Because for now, you’re teammates. Junior Varsity. Here’s the deal, if the two of you prove yourself in the first few games I’ll pull you up. But instead of competing against each other for the spot, it’s either you both get a spot or neither of you will get pulled up.”

Jeongwoo stormed out of the office. He was so angry he hadn’t even noticed that he’d nearly trampled you.

You recognized the expression on Jeongwoo’s face. It was the worst-case-scenario face. It was rare, but when it was there that meant things were bad. You turned to see Haruto exit the office, he saw you look back at Jeongwoo then back at him. Haruto jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo and gave you a nod, to which you smiled back in relief before running off after Jeongwoo.

Do you feel the love?

Feel the love

“Jeongwoo! Jeongwoo!” You yelled. He barely heard you or he ignored you, he was so pissed that he honestly didn’t know. But right now he needed to find a way to deal with the anger. He needed to go home.

But he couldn’t run away from you, not when you had caught up to him. He saw you standing in front of his path home, he looked over and saw that you had taken a shortcut that the two of you had found together years ago.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

Jeongwoo rolled his eyes and made a move to step around you. But you stepped over so that you were in his way again. And when he stepped again. You stepped again as well.

“Move. Seriously.”

“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

You felt a chill run down your spine. This wasn’t Jeongwoo. Your Jeongwoo would never speak to you like this. Your Jeongwoo? Was he even yours? He was still your friend though, right? “We’re friends. Right?”

Jeongwoo scoffed. He knew he was being rude but right now it felt like the entire world was giving him a giant middle finger.

“I don’t know. Are we?”

“Why wouldn’t we be? Friends are there for each other in times of need. You’re obviously mad and you need a friend right now. And I’m your friend right?” you felt yourself get smaller and smaller the more you spoke.

“Are you really my friend? Because honestly, lately, you’ve been a really shitty friend.”

“I-”

“For years we’ve walked home from school together, for years we’ve hung out together, supported each other, we talked to each other, about everything. Then one day you stop meeting me in front of the school, then the next day you don’t tell me what’s going on or why or even to let me know not to wait up for you, then one week then one week turns into many weeks then all of a sudden. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”

“Jeongwoo, I’m sorry-”

“I was so upset at the thought of not being close to you that I made plans for us to spend time together. Just us. And you go and invite someone else. Then just when I feel like things are starting to get better at the concert, you iced me out. Completely. You don’t answer my texts. You don’t talk to me, hell you don’t even look at me anymore!”

You could feel the tears streaming down your face. Everything Jeongwoo had said was true. In being scared of your own feelings for Jeongwoo, you had severed your friendship with him bit by bit. And now you weren’t even sure if it was still hanging by a thread.

“I have spent weeks. Going over what I did wrong in my head. I have tried so hard to talk to you, to just talk to you. I had something I wanted to say to you. But I don’t think it should be so hard to just speak to my friend. But I’ve just come to the conclusion that I haven’t done anything wrong. I wasn’t the one who was being a shit friend. That was you. So let me ask you again. Are you really my friend?”

“I-” you paused for a second to swallow. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah. I don’t know either. And honestly right now, I don’t even think I want you to be my friend. Bye Y/N.” Jeongwoo said, stepping around you. This time you didn’t stop him.

You turned around and watched his back get smaller and smaller as he walked away from you, down the path that led you home. The path the two of you had walked along together for years. You sniffled as you wiped the tears from your face.

But what you didn't see were the tears that streamed down Jeongwoo’s face.

[scarletwinterxx]

that time i knew i liked you too

as always, I was melting everytime the dreamies release new content. Hyuck just looked so adorable I cannot handle it. So here’s another scenario with him😊🌻

for my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2020 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

“No no put me down, let me at him. Jeno, put me down” you said as you trash around Jeno’s shoulder. How you got there is a repeated story that always starts when you and Haechan are in the same room. 

“No, you’re going to hurt someone”

“Yea, I’m going to hurt him. Let me down, stop using your strength on me” you pounded your palms against his back but he just continued walking further away from Renjun who was holding Haechan back from you

“Would it hurt the two of you to just admit you like each other?” you hear Jaemin ask from beside you “Want to get smacked too? for the last time I don’t like him” 

Jeno finally put you back down on your feet, the two guys looking at you with a ‘we don’t believe you but we’ll pretend we do’ look

“I don’t!”

“Mhm, sure we’ll go with that” Jeno told you with a smile, his eyes disappearing completely while he does. This time instead of manhandling you, he just threw his arm casually around your shoulder but you know he’s trying to make sure you won’t run back to where Haechan was. 

“There’s a very thin line between love and hate” Jaemin mumbled, you looked over at him with a glare making the boy shoot his hands up in surrender. 

The chaotic relationship between you and Haechan started with friendly banters, he was a natural joker, the mood maker of the group. You on the other hand, is the exact opposite. 

When you exchanged schools, only knowing your cousin Jeno, he was quick to introduce to his group of friends. Ofcourse they were very nice and welcoming, you were on the same year as the four of them: Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin and Haechan. Soon after that you became an honorary member of that group, girls and some guys would sometimes ask favors from you to set them up with the guys. This always made you wonder why, not really understanding the craze other people have over your friends. In your eyes they were pretty normal, at times weird most times too loud.  

“Remember that time you threw a tantrum when someone asked you to give Haechan their valentine favor”

You scowled at the memory, last year during valentines one girl came up to you asking you to give Haechan her card and chocolates. You were too shy to say no, so after school was finished and you were all waiting in the parking lot, you all but practically shoved the box of chocolates to Haechan. The rest of the guys cheering but you cut them off by saying it wasn’t from you. 

“I did not. I was just not having a great day that day”

“Sure, you should see the look on his face when you said it didn’t come from you” Jeno said making you look over at him “Why? How did he look?” you asked, your curiosity getting the best of  you

“Wouldn’t you like to know” Jaemin teased you

It is true you both get on each other nerves, there’s one little thing that contradicts everything that just came out of your mouth though. 

You do like Haechan, more than you will ever care to admit. You’d rather be dead than ever admit you like him. Because at the end of the day, even when you two want to rip each other’s head off, you always end up together somehow. 

The next day you were waiting for Jeno to finish his last class since he picked you up this morning, sitting outside on one of the empty benches with book in hand. You were too emerged on your reading material that you didn’t notice the figure now sitting in front of you. Only when you turned the page and craned your neck to stretch it you did you notice the guy sitting across from you, 

“What the fuck! How long have you been there?” You asked Haechan, holding your book against your chest. “Long enough to notice how bad your posture is” he answered

“Says the guy who can’t sit or stand straight” you mumbled, closing the book and tucking it away in your bag

“If I were you, I’d be nice to the guy who’ll be driving me home”

“I don’t see Jeno here” you said looking around you, your cousin nowhere in sight. “No stupid, he has basketball practice. He asked me to drive you home”

You just shot him a blank look, for a couple of seconds he just shot you the same look before standing up

“Have it your way, I can just leave you here” then started to walk towards the parking lot. Scowling at his retreating figure, you quickly threw your bag over your shoulder following Haechan’s steps. 

He can already hear your hurried steps, a faint smile forming on his lips but he quickly shook it away. Acting nonchalant when you finally caught up with him,

“No, you won’t. Jeno will have your ass if leave me”

“No, he won’t” 

“Oh yea my bad, you don’t have an ass” he looked over at you, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. Silently daring you to repeat what you just said, so just send him a big sarcastic smile

“Watch it, babe. Don’t bite what you can’t chew”

“I don’t even know what that means, but let’s just pretend I do for your sake” You pat him on the shoulder before walking ahead. For awhile, neither of you said anything. A random playlist was playing while Haechan hums along, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. 

“Hyuck”

Haechan looked quickly over at you, your attention was focused on the scenery outside. If he could, he would look at you a little bit longer but he didn’t to be too obvious and that would be dangerous. So he just hummed as an answer, 

“huh?” you asked, looking over at him

“What?”

“What do you mean what?”

“You called my name?”

“Oh I was just thinking about it, I didn’t know I said it outloud” you mumbled, you really didn’t mean to say it outloud. You were just looking out the sunset, it reminded you of his nickname which then made you think of his name. 

“You were thinking about me?” he chuckled

“I’d rather not comment on that” then it was silent again, thankful that he didn’t push it any further. 

“Want to grab something to eat?” he asked, this made you look over at him “I heard there’s this new café in town” he added. 

“Tell me the truth, can you read minds?” you asked him, you were just thinking about that too. You were planning to go later today after he dropped you off, maybe ask Jeno to come with after his practice but it makes more sense to just go now. You just didn’t expect Haechan to ask you 

“Only yours” he said with a smirk, sending you quick side eye. You rolled your eyes at him, “Can we go though?” you asked

And that is how you find yourself at the new café with your frenemy and kind of crush, Lee Haechan. You happily entered the place, taking in the smell of coffee and cake in the air, 

“Are you a dog? Stop sniffing” You hear Haechan say from behind you “Can’t help it, it smells so good. Oh my god is that chocolate cake” your attention was already on the rows of cake displayed. Completely missing the fond look on Haechan’s face as he watch you excitedly look at the snacks. 

He won’t say it but he finds it so adorable how happy you get with just the little simple stuff. 

“Do you want that? What do you want to drink?”

“Vanilla latte for me” you smiled up at him, for a second Haechan forgot how to breath forgot how to act around you. You were smiling so genuinely at him he wasn’t sure what to feel. 

“How about you?”

“Will you eat all the cake again or will you actually share it this time?” he asked back, dismissing his previous thoughts before you notice anything weird happening.

“I don’t recall doing such thing”

“Mhm sure, sweetheart. I have three other guys as witnesses” you scowled at him before turning back to the cake

Haechan ordered your drinks and cake while you sat outside and wait for him, you offered to split the bill but he just pushed you towards the door when you tried to pay for your food. Like he literally pushed you out

“Wipe that pout off, here’s your cake” at the sound of his voice, you put your phone down and smiled up at him. Well more at the plate of food he was holding

“Have I told you you’re my favorite?” you teased him, making the boy chuckle at you. You were already diving into the snack, happily swaying one hand in the air. 

“I’m starting to think you only like me when I give you food” 

“You’re thinking right” you answered straight away to tease him, chuckling when you felt him lightly kick you under the table. 

Later that day when you were finally home and was doing some homework, Jeno came over to check on you

“You made it home in one piece, that could only mean Haechan didn’t”

“Can’t say he will be missed” you replied, not even bothering to look up 

“You will though” this made you glare up at your cousin, “Why are you here again?”

“Oh right, well me and the guys plus a couple of other friends are going out of town this weekend, want to come with us?”

“When, where and who?”

“The guys, girls on some of our classes and Mark hyung is coming too. We’re renting a house with a pool, it looks really cool and we’ll stay there from Saturday til Sunday afternoon maybe”

You contemplated whether you wanted to come or not, it did sound fun. Plus you feel like you do need the time off anyways. 

“I thought you hated each other” Jaemin said, looking between you and Haechan who is sporting the same look of boredom and annoyance. It’s currently 4am, kind of freezing outside and the guys are still loading the car with stuff.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed” Renjun added, that earned a glare from Haechan and you. 

“Who else are we waiting for?” You grumbled, you wanted to get in the car and get some more sleep. Almost regretting ever agreeing to come to this trip, you felt a tug on your jacket sleeve. Looking over at Haechan who was holding out his coffee to you, you just shook your head at him. You liked drinking coffee, but  iced americano is not something you’d ever opt to order

“The girls are meeting us there, they said” Jeno answered you

“So who’s going in whose car?” Renjun asked, looking around the group

“Who’s driving again?” you asked, “Jeno and Haechan” 

You looked over at the boy leaning beside you, “You’re driving? You look like you’re about to pass out”

“That’s why I’m drinking this”

“I’ll go wherever I can sleep for the duration of this trip”  Jaemin said, already walking towards Jeno’s jeep getting in the passenger seat. 

“How about you?” Jeno asked you, “I’m with Jaemin, I don’t really care as long as I can sleep some more”

“Backseat is still pretty spacious, make yourself comfortable” he said then opened the car door for you, doing exactly what your cousin just said. 

“I thought you were going with Haechan” Jaemin said from the front seat, “Don’t start with me right now, let me sleep then you can bug me about him later”

The rest of the trip you were sleeping soundly at the backseat, the two boys talking amongst themselves. It was a four hour car ride so by the time you got to the vacation house it’s still too early for lunch. 

“Who wants to go to the grocery with me?” Jaemin asked, Renjun saying he’ll come with and pulling Haechan along with him

Hours later when they got back and finished unloading all the food for the weekend, you were just lounging around. Some of the guys were by the pool while you were in the lounge area with Jaemin and Jisung when Jeno and Haechan showed up. You were happily snacking on some cookies you when Haechan spotted you, Jeno immediately noticing Haechan’s gaze on you and the cookies you were holding

“Please tell me you you’re not going to fight over cookies”

“Will that make you happy?” Haechan asked his friend to which Jeno nodded as an answer, “Too bad then, give me back my cookies” Haechan turned his attention back to you, reaching out to grab the bag of treats

“I don’t see your name written here, plus I was the one who told Jaemin to get it at the grocery store”

“I went with him to the grocery store”

“Should’ve bought your own cookies then”

“I did! Those are mine”

The two of you were too busy arguing to notice the other guys have left the room to join the others outside, leaving you and Haechan alone in the lounge area. You sat on the opposite sides of the big couch, just chilling when Haechan walked in demanding to give his cookies back

“I’ll give you five seconds to give it back”

“Oooh I’m so scared”

“5, 4, 3” just as you were about to take another cookie from the bag, you feel his hand clamp around your ankle then pulling you towards the other side of the couch where he was sitting.

Now your legs are draped on his lap while his arms rest on them, “You said 5!”

Haechan just glared at you before snatching the bag out of your hands and taking some cookies for himself

“Leave some for me” you said as you try to reach for the bag “No, you already ate half of it”. 

You scowled at him until he gave the bag back to you, not even moving from your current position since you are pretty comfortable and the boy don’t seem to mind. Already busy scrolling through his phone, 

“Why aren’t you downstairs with the guys? I heard the girls arrived too”

“Too tired”

“I heard Yeji came today”

“Mhm”

“You know she gave you those chocolates last year for valentines, right?”

“Like you would ever let me forget” he was still scrolling through his phone, one hand resting on top of your legs comfortably. If any of the boys walk in on you know they’d probably shoot you weird looks but when it’s just the two of you, you don’t really fight like cats and dogs. 

“Don’t you like, like her back atleast?”

“Why?”

“I mean she said she liked you, don’t you think it’s a bit mean to not talk to her after that. Plus,. I think she came so she could spend some time with you and yet here you are hiding away”

“Well maybe I like spending time with you”

You looked at him like he told you the most ridiculous and confusing fact, Haechan looking over at you when you didn’t reply back to him

“What’s that look for?”

“Who are you and what have you done to Haechan?” You asked, leaning over to put a hand over his forehead. He just chuckled at you, swatting your hand away

“I just got the chills when you said that”

“Like the good kind of chills?” he teased, “No, the kind that’s making me want to throw up kind of chills” you sarcastically replied

He scowled at you, pushing your legs off of him before standing up. “You know, it’s not that hard to just admit it”

“Admit what?”

“That you actually like hanging out with me”

“I never said I didn’t, even if you get on my last nerves”

“I like keeping you on your toes, baby. I’ll be outside if you miss me” he winked at you then walked out the lounge area. 

What just happened? Was he flirting with you? Did he know? You thought to yourself.  

And boy does he love getting on your last nerve. You will never assume that he’s doing thing on purpose just to piss you off, but after your conversation with him he’s been talking more to Yeji the whole day. 

He’s naturally friendly and affectionate, no one can argue that. And it’s not like you have a right to be jealous, your pride is too high to admit Jaemin’s actually right.

You do like Haechan. 

So what do you do? you mope around without meaning to, the boiys noticing your change in mood throughout the night. 

You were just standing beside Jaemin as he grill the meat for dinner, not really saying much

“You’re going to burn holes to the ground if you keep staring at it like that” Jaemin said as he look over at your brooding figure

“Let me be, I don’t any place else to be”

“Uh how about hanging out with our friends”

“Your friends” you mumbled making Jaemin laugh at you, “Oh my god, I cannot with you. If it bother’s you this much, just admit it already. It will save us both the time and emotional stress”

“Hiw are you getting stressed, I’m literally not even saying anything here” you told him, lightly hitting him on the back. 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the garden area, Haechan was watching you and Jaemin. Not in a creepy way though. He just happen to notice you’ve been missing, only to find you standing by the grill with his bestfriend

“Yah Jeno, is there something going on with Y/N and Jaemin?” Haechan can’t help but ask when Jaemin laughed at something you just said

“Huh?”

“I mean they always hang out”

“Yea, well they’re friends” Jeno shrugged, “We’re friends too” Haechan grumbled, taking a big gulp of the drink Jeno just put on the table

“Are you perhaps jealous of the two?” Jeno asked, “Absolutely not, I was just asking”

“Well, don’t tell Jaemin I told you this but I think he’s going to ask her out this weekend” that was a complete and total lie, he only said that to push Haechan to finally do something. And judging by the way he’s now practically glaring over your make makes Jeno think he did the right thing. 

“I heard you even went out on a date with him” Jaemin said, making you look at him with confusion 

“Huh? When?” “The other day when he had an emergency practice”

“We just went to the cafe, it wasn’t a date”

“Right, right. Because that’s how you spend time with a person you don’t like”

“I don’t don’t like him”

“So you like him?”

“If i say yes will you stop?”

“I-” “Say yes to what?” Someone said from behind you, making Jaemin stop his sentence. 

Haechan looked back and forth between you and Jaemin, while Jeno looked like he was about to laugh. 

“Nothing” you answered quickly before Jaemin could utter another word, then skipped away to where the others were. Jeno was shooting his bestfriend with the ‘just go with it’ expression before Haechan catches on

“What was that about?” Haechan asked, “Oh I was just asking her something” Jaemin answered with a cheeky smile

He couldn’t have asked her already, right? Haechan thought. As the night went on, he can’t help but notice how you were obviously avoiding him. You looked like you were enjoying yourself when the guys invited you to play beerpong with them while this time he’s the one moping around. 

When you went inside to get something from the kitchen, Haechan immediately shoot up from his seat to follow you. Itching to ask you if Jaemin asked you out or not. 

“You think he’ll ask her out?” Jeno asked as he watch Haechan follow you, “Huh? Haechan? Why what did you tell him?” Jaemin asked back

“That you were going to ask Y/N out”

“Bro what the fuck, he’s going to kill me if I do”

You on the other hand had no idea about this, so when Haechan cornered you in the kitchen suffice to say you were pretty shocked, 

“Did you say yes to Jaemin?” he asked

“Say yes to what?”

“Didn’t he ask you out?”

“Huh?” you asked confused, Jaemin definitely did not ask you out. You know for a fact that he’s currently crushing on the new girl, Yoo Jimin. 

“No?”

“Are you not sure or you just don’t want to tell me”

“I’m so confused, one why would Jaemin ask me out and two why would I not want to tell you?” You asked, geniunely confused with him. “Because”

“Because?” you urged for him to continue

“God! You’re really going to make me say it first will you?” he sounded so frustrated you almost laughed, “I don’t know what you want to say Haechan, but please go ahead because like I said I’m very confused right now”

It took him approximately five seconds to think about his next actions, he counted up to three in his head before saying screw it then the next thing he know he was grabbing you by the waist, his lips on yours. 

You definitely did not expect that this is how your weekend will turn out, and you most definitely not think you would end up kissing Haechan. But here you were, trapped between the counter and him. His arms secured around your frame while your hands were resting on his arms. 

It’s like your mind and body were to separate entities, not one part of a single body because in your mind you were freaking out but your body was acting like this was how it was supposed to be all along. 

When the two of you eventually had to come up for air, you can’t help but stare at him

“What was that?” you whispered, his forehead resting on yours

“Me shooting my shot” 

Then you were laughing, Haechan looked at you like you just lost your mind

“You know this is the part where you say it worked”

“I- wait hold up. You like me?” you asked him, “You liked me first!” he screeched, pointing a finger at himself

“Says who?” 

“Says your cousin, then Jaemin and Renjun. Then you” You made a mental note to hit those three guys later

“Me? Just the other day I almost punched you in the face. If that was your indication of me liking you then you’re really messed up in the head”

“So you’re saying you don’t like me?” he asked, this time with a more serious look on his face. 

“I could neither confirm nor deny” you answered, trying to rile him up even more. You already know the answer, but it was nice to see Haechan like this.

“You know in my head, this wasn’t how I imagined this moment would turn out”

“Oh so you imagined kissing me” he smirked you, “As much you imagined kissing me” you retorted back, you had him there. 

“And?” 

“A bit underwhelming, not gonna lie”

That made Haechan do the thing you think is so attractive but never told a single soul because it was your secret, it’s when he pokes the inside of his cheeks with his tongue whenever he’s annoyed or things don’t go his way. 

“Are you saying I’m not a good kisser?”

“I’m saying it could be better” you shrugged, enjoying your new found power over him. It was short lived though because the next thing you know you were thrown over his shoulder then he was walking back out the patio. 

“Yah, Haechan don’t hurt her. I need to bring her back in one piece” you hear Jeno say 

“Sure, but it’s fine if she’s a bit wet right?”

“What?” you screamed then you were thrown in the pool, quickly resurfacing to the surface to see Haechan smirking at you. Instead of saying anything you just swam towards the ledge, hoisting yourself out the pool. 

“You look like you need a hug” you shot him a wicked smile as you walk towards him, you can hear cheers and laughter coming from your friends

“No thank you, baby. Maybe later”

“Come here”

“Don’t want to”

“No more kisses for you. 3 2″ then you were back in the pool again but this time Haechan was in there with you. Laughing as you watch him shake his hair out of his face, 

“Stop laughing you look like a wet dog” he said as he swam towards you, arms snaking your waist once again. As his lips close on your once again, you can’t help but smile. You’re pretty sure you heard your friends scream but all of that was background noise, it’s just you and him now. 

“How about that? Am I a good kisser now?”

“I don’t know, maybe try again”

[littlemisslipbalm]

“Lucky Together”

Summary: Harry and Y/N always have wine night as best friends, but when Harry brings up the possibility of him going on a date, some confessions are made

so best friends to lovers! and its WINE WEDNESDAY!! I’m not entirely happy with this and I had an original plan for it and maybe someday I’ll actually do that, but for some reason my hands like to write angst sometimes. It’s mostly FLUFF but there is a little bit of tension, but it ends on a good note. Also it just felt kinda cliche but I still liked it - im conflicted. Let me know what y’all think feedback is appreciated :)

Word Count: 2.5k | Warnings: swearing, a little angst

-

Harry heard the door opening before he even heard the knock on the door. Y/N swung inside his home as he began to get up. A grin was plastered on her face as she bounded inside, slamming the door shut behind her. 

“Harrry!” she exclaimed, dragging out his name in voice that wasn’t exactly her own - a more exaggerated, silly persona. “Are you ready to get fucked up on…” she slowed down as she looked at the label of the wine she was holding, “A $20 bottle of a lovely red wine that I can’t read the name of?!” 

She threw her bags and coat haphazardly on the floor and Harry grinned back at his best friend. Y/N was so impossibly electric sometimes. He loved feeding off her energy and she was always quick to feed off his as well.

It was Wine Wednesday, a tradition Harry and Y/N have had since the beginning of their friendship. 

They had met at a corporate party thrown by Capitol Records. They worked in completely different sectors, Y/N’s job would never cross with Harry in the studio normally, but they met that night and hit it off. A friend of Y/N did in fact work with Harry and had introduced them casually. After spending the night laughing their heads off together, Harry and Y/N had exchanged numbers, promising to follow up on things they had thrown out as things to do together. One of those ideas had been always wanting someone to have a Wine Wednesday with. She had told Harry that she did it a few times in college, but had wanted to start again now that she was a sophisticated adult. He had laughed and agreed, saying he had never had a designated day for wine, but he thought it sounded like a class idea. 

That next wednesday, Y/N had called Harry asking for his address and then told him she’d be over in twenty minutes. Y/N had burst through the door similar to how she had tonight, except the first time Harry had to open the door for her first. She had thrown her things to the ground, found her way to the kitchen and uncorked the random bottle of cheap wine she had found at the market down the street from Harry. After that, they began to switch off who was to supply the wine, but Y/N always insisted it be cheap and that they were always at Harry’s house.

They had lost track a long time ago about how many times they had done Wine Wednesday together. And it was always together and no one else.

He scoffed at his friend as she beelined to his kitchen, “Naturally!”

Y/N smiled, grabbing a fish mouth bottle opener. Y/N took it and played with it for a second, animating the bottle opened to look as if it was swimming. After amusing herself enough, Y/N set to work on opening up the random bottle of wine. Harry joined her in the kitchen, moving around her with ease to grab their two extra large wine glasses.

On their first Wine Wednesday, Harry had only brought out his regular sized wine glasses and Y/N had told him that she’d bring bigger ones next time. He had stopped her, reassuring her he had larger glasses, but hadn’t realized that was what she wanted. Her reply was that it was only the two of them drinking the bottle, “Who the fuck else is getting poured a glass?”

“What are you doing with that fish, gonna break it, love,” Harry teased as he placed the glasses to the right of Y/N.

She rolled her eyes playfully at him as she finally freed the cork from the bottle. “Was just giving Mr. Fish a proper swim before using him. It’s the same as knocking before you enter a room. ‘S polite.” She smiled smugly, before pouring two extremely full glasses of the red wine. After resting the bottle back onto the table, Y/N grabbed her glass and nodded to Harry to take his. Knowing what she meant, Harry immediately took up his glass and clinked it with hers. They both threw back their heads slightly, taking large initial gulps of their wine.

Y/N led the way into Harry’s living room, which was big and spacious. He furnished it with big comfy couches and various art pieces on the wall, some random items laid around, but mostly it was clean.

Y/N had brought over a few of the random items that laid around, when she had first come over, she had told him how bare it was in here. Next time she was there she brought over a scarf - to hang over a lamp - she’d embroidered and a small rainbow sculpture. Harry had thanked her for the gifts, but Y/N insisted he was doing her a favor by allowing a little more life in the room. “Don’t get me wrong this art is...so you. But why is there nothing else in here that screams Harry or like, I live here? Feels suffocating, so lonely” she had mused about the room. Harry didn’t have an answer for Y/N and she was okay with that.

“Okay, so what are we doing tonight? Movie, music, or gossip?” Y/N relaxed into the couch and stretched her body out, leaving her almost prone on the couch with her feet on Harry’s coffee table. Her stare fixated on his smiling face, awaiting his suggestion. He shut one eye while contemplating their options, then he took a sip of his wine and went to settle beside Y/N on the couch. “Think gossip and music, yeah?” Harry said thoughtfully as he threw his toned arm around the back of the couch.

Y/N shifted to allow herself to look at Harry. He was in a hoodie and sweats and he looked a little sleepy already. She knew that meant this Wine Wednesday was going to be a short one. As much as she loved hanging out with Harry and drinking wine, she knew that he needed his rest. If he was already looking tired, it was likely the half drunk wine bottle would end up in the trash can and she’d be catching a cab before midnight. It wasn’t annoying, Y/N always wanted Harry to take care of himself first, rather than putting others' needs ahead of his own.

Nodding, Y/N took a sip of her wine. “Alright, for music...What are we thinking? Beatles? Or...uh, Beatles?” she said as if ruminating on the bands coming out of her mouth. Harry’s hand that was on the top of the couch came down to swat at Y/N’s head. “Hmm, good choices...But I was feeling more Hall & Oates tonight. You mind?” She shrugged after hitting his hand right back. “Don’t care, but Lennon and Harrison just might be rolling in their graves right now,” Y/N said as her eyebrows rose and she looked disapprovingly at Harry. “You literally love Hall & Oates, Y/N, hush,” he popped back up after scolding Y/N and flicked on his speakers and pressed play on his Hall & Oates playlist of their discography.

“Would I have persuaded you more if I had asked for Fleetwood?” Y/N asked when Harry returned to his seat. She shifted to sitting completely, cross legged, fully facing Harry on the couch. Harry barked out a laugh before visibly considering her question. “Maybe,” he said with a scrunch of his face like ‘if only you had asked, oh well’. They both laughed.

“Okay, now you’re usually not one for gossip,” Y/N started after they had drank some more of their wine and talked a little more about the music, “So what’s your gossip. Spill.”

“So you know the bird at the coffee shop down the street, who started working there last week?” Harry started excitedly. Y/N finished her sip and nodded seriously, curious to hear what Harry had to gossip about that concerned this woman. “Well, today she told me my coffee was on the house, and then when my black coffee was ready it had her name on it and her number!”

“That’s forward,” Y/N mused, her tone wasn’t necessarily judgemental, but it definitely wasn’t ecstatic as Harry had expected when he had decided to tell Y/N the story.

“What? Would you not have liked that if someone had done that for you?” Harry asked, genuinely wondering what made Y/N not be her usual excited self. She was also a hopeless romantic, so he had thought she would have loved this.

“I mean, I guess I would have been flattered, but you’re not seriously considering taking her out? C’mon, Harry, she obviously knows who you are,” Y/N paused, trying not to sound like a total asshole, “Just, if I were you, I would always be wary of people’s true intentions before I started anything.”

Harry sighed and took a long gulp of his wine, decreasing the amount in the glass significantly. Soon, he’d need a refill. “I know that...but she seems so sweet and I haven’t been out with anyone in awhile. Romantically.” He added the last word after a beat, like it needed clarification that when he went out with Y/N it wasn’t something romantic. She twitched and shifted in her seat, trying to push away the negative feelings she got when Harry made that distinction.

“Okay, if you’re that desperate for someone then go for it,” you said not fully realizing the exact words coming out of your mouth. Your mouth dropped when you processed what you had just said. Harry looked at you with slight disbelief. “I didn’t mean it in that way, Harry. I just-”

“No, I got what you meant. You think this woman is just using me for attention and that I’m so starved of any romantic connection that I’m willing to be used. Have you ever thought about why I’m so starved of any romantic life? Maybe because I’m always hanging out with my alleged best friend who never approves of anyone I bring up.” Harry sounded hurt. Y/N felt terrible. He set down his glass and shifted to face her more fully, his face set in a good amount of anger.

“That’s not fair, H,” Y/N sighed and placed her glass on the coffee table. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You give your heart away so easily and then people just end up taking advantage of you and hurting you. And I hate seeing you hurt. Because I’m the one who is always there to pick up the pieces.”

“Why are you always there though, Y/N? Why do you stick by my side when I’m always apparently making the wrong love choices?” Harry asks, his tone rising to something that was almost aggressive.

“Because you’re my best friend, Harry!” Y/N laughed incredulously. She was in disbelief that Harry would even ask her such a question. It was strange that their evening of fun had escalated into this nightmarish confrontation.

“That’s not enough,” Harry insisted, forcing them to continue the conversation. The conversation the two of them had never thought they needed to have. “You’re right, you’re always there to mend my broken heart. And you always discourage me from going for risky romances. And you never talk about any potential people for you? Why?”

“You’re my best friend! I don’t know what else you want me to say? What do you want me to say, Harry?”

“You know what I’m asking, Y/N.” And just like that, Harry turned from aggressive to pleading. He wanted her to say what he had always thought about her, but had never pushed it because she was his best friend. His jade-toned eyes were glassy and wide, begging for her to answer truthfully.

Y/N gripped her jaw in place at Harry’s pleading words. She raked both her hands through her hair and couldn’t believe what Harry was saying right now. Finally, she sighed when she risked a glance towards Harry’s face. It turned everything around for her, she couldn’t hide from that face. She couldn’t hide from Harry, ever.

“Because, I love you. I love you, Harry, in more than a best friend way. Happy now? That was literally the most unromantic way to tell someone you love them, but you asked for it,” she shook her head and threw herself against the couch, flailing her arms slightly in exasperation.

Harry moved himself to Y/N’s side and moved her so that she was looking at him. He rested his hand against her cheekbone, and stayed and cradled her face right there.

“I love you, too. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you. It just...something made me press the subject. It wasn’t very kind of me.” He rushed to say, instantly feeling conflicted. He was overjoyed and relieved at Y/N’s revelation, but also felt guilt for the way it had come about. He had been the one to escalate the conversation.

“I didn’t mean to call you desperate,” Y/N said softly as she raised her own hand to Harry’s face. “You aren’t desperate. You’re amazing and wonderful. You love with your whole heart and anyone would be lucky to be with you.”

“Darling, you’re the one someone would be lucky to be with.” Harry brushed a stray hair behind her ear and moved his face closer to hers.

“We could be lucky together?” Y/N whispered as his nose brushed up against hers. Harry blew a short breath out of his nose, hitting Y/N’s face. “I’d like that,” he responded.

Then he leaned the rest of the way and connected his lips with hers. She pressed back eagerly tasting the red wine on Harry’s lips. As they kissed, Harry felt something wet slightly touch his face.

He pulled back slightly, “Are you crying, petal?”

Y/N sniffled, “I just, I never thought this would happen. I’m happy...it’s just a lot.”

Harry nodded and wrapped his arms around her waist. “C’mere, we can just be here in this moment, together.”

Harry pulled Y/N into his lap and settled back into the couch. Her head rested softly on his shoulder and she ran a hand up and down his muscled arm. It was smooth and soft, and it radiated heat. Harry’s presence was always soothing, but especially helpful right now. Y/N calmed down, significantly, while in his arms.

“So does that mean you won’t call that bird?”

“No, no, I will definitely...not call her.” Harry chuckled at her question. He was happy that she was feeling more like herself, sarcastic and bubbly.

The pair sat snuggled on Harry’s couch, taking in each other’s presence as “Sara Smile” by Hall & Oates played softly through the speakers. They both smiled and sang softly along to the words. Happy in one another’s embrace.

-

taglist: @cronias13​ @theresthingsthatwellneverknow​ @harrys-cherrry​ @harrxier​ @sltwins​ @awesomebooklover17​ @harrys-stan​

[dukeofonions]

So I thought I’d try something a little different (and slightly more fun than my usual saltiness) and do my own little personal ranking of Sanders Sides episodes! 

Now I actually haven’t watched anything from the series for awhile so these rankings are going to be based purely on my own memories of each episode and how much I remember enjoying them. I’ll also be splitting the rankings up so I’ll do season one today and season two later on.

Eventually I want to go back and actually rewatch everything but I’ll probably wait until the season two finale comes out (whenever the heck that will be) but until then I think this will cover it.

Also important to note is that I will not be counting Asides in this since 

1. I’m salty

 2. It’s not supposed to be Sanders Sides anyway so why include it?

and 3. I’m very salty.

Alright, let the ranking begin!

Dang, can you believe season one has seventeen episodes? Starting with My True Identity on October 19th, 2016 and ending with Accepting Anxiety on July 15th, 2017. 

These episodes were a lot shorter too. The longest one, Growing Up, is only about 15 minutes long (14:39 to be exact because I already have the playlist pulled up to get all these references so I might as well use the info I have) and the shortest episode was Way Too Adult that barely makes it to the four minute mark. (Okay it’s 4:18 but that’s still closer to four) 

It’s really interesting to see how much the series changed just throughout season one alone, especially once it shifts from just being a silly series of one shots to a series with more fleshed out characters and beginning to scratch the surface of dealing with heavier topics. 

How did it do for me personally? Well if you made it this far I assume you actually want to know my opinion so I’ll go ahead and tell you...

For real now, let the ranking begin!

*cue drum roll*

#17 I'm in a Disney Show

Yeah this one is pretty forgettable, and it really sticks out like a sore thumb among the other episodes in this series since it’s based on something that happened in real Thomas’s life and later on they try to establish that Sanders Sides isn’t about real Thomas. Not only that there wasn’t much in this episode that stuck out as funny to me. The only bit I actually remember laughing at was when the Sides were throwing around click bait titles. 

So yeah, boring episode, feels out of place, moving on.

#16 Becoming a Cartoon

Like with the last one this one is just very forgettable to me. It also features someone who turned out to be a pretty shitty person so I can’t even watch it without feeling uncomfortable.

The only thing I remember laughing at was Patton holding a potato. 

#15 My True Identity

Okay I know it’s harsh putting the first episode so low on the list, especially when most of my problems with it stem from it being made before there were any intentions to make it a series, but like the first two it’s also kinda boring. I mean on it’s own it does a good job of introducing people to the basic idea of the series and gives an idea of what the characters are like, but they all basically act like the same person (yes I’m aware of the irony) with just one or two minor things to set them apart. 

Can’t really hate this one like the other two since, again, this was made with no intention of plot or character development, so it’s only this low because it doesn’t really stick out to me. But hey, it did its job at getting people interested in the characters so in that aspect it did its job perfectly.

#14 Taking On Anxiety

Oh the second hand embarrassment in this episode is too much to bear. Honestly any episode that has Thomas interacting with someone from real life just feels so weird to me and takes me out of the episode. However, I do actually have a bit more positive things to say about this one. The advice they give is actually helpful, and my gosh I love pre-AA Virgil. 

The snark, the sass, it’s easy to see why he became a fan favorite so fast. And fortunately for me, there’s plenty of episodes for me to love him in before I start to hate him. 

#13 Way Too Adult

This is gonna sound repetitive but again, forgettable. Doesn’t give me second hand embarrassment or make me feel negative in any way so that’s why it’s higher than the others. And hey, 13 is one of my favorite numbers so that’s gotta count for something right?

The best part of this episode is Patton, I really miss the earlier version of him where he actually took on more of a fatherly figure and had more of a serious side. Not that I don’t like him now and I still think he’s one of the better written in the series (more on that in another post) but it’s kinda nice to see him being portrayed in a way that doesn’t feel like he’s being dumbed down for laughs or is just sad and confused.

#12 The Mind vs The Heart

Or as I like to call it “Selfishness vs Selflessness in Five Minutes.” This episode is way too relatable which is both fun but also I don’t need the reminder that I can’t say “no” to people, but that’s a me problem not the episode’s. I like the format of using cutaways to show examples of how Logan and Patton clash in Thomas’s day to day life and honestly I wish they’d use it more since I think they only do it in this episode and in Growing Up but I could be wrong and I’m too lazy to check.

All in all this a cute little episode (and not cute for the reason you might think) and I enjoy it. 

#11 Accepting Anxiety Part One

Honestly not much to say about this one? It’s funny watching Thomas’s antics while the Sides have to try and figure out what’s going on. Which is a nice change of pace from the usual “The Sides are being goofy and zany and Thomas has to try and get them on track” that I kinda notice throughout season one and that starts to change to become the norm in season two, but I’ll get to that later. 

Reason this one isn’t as high as others is just because besides that one gimmick of Thomas saying and doing silly stuff is that there isn’t much beyond that, and of course that’s just because this is the first part of a two part episode so I’ll give it grace for that. Still a great set up though and is funny on its own. 

#10 The Dark Side of Disney

Alright, we’ve made it to the top 10! Here’s where things start to get interesting.

Personally, I find this episode hilarious because I do this kind of stuff to “kid’s films” all the time. Never to actual kids but to adults, it’s fun to see just how dark I’ll go. 

Of course this isn’t really what the episode does, it talks more about the messages in these movies as opposed to talking about how “dark” they are. Which, now that I look back I clicked on this episode thinking that it was going to be a part of the latter and had no idea it was a Sanders Sides episode. Maybe that’s how I found the series? I always forget which episode was my first...

Back to the episode, it also establishes Virgil and Roman’s little dynamic of being rivals and I love it. They have some of the best exchanges in the series and it’s fun watching them go head to head here, and even bonding a little as well. All in all, fun episode that provides some good character moments and some laughs. 

#9 A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!

Just the song, man. It slaps. 

But am I the only one miffed that Virgil technically got a villain song (about lying no less) and Janus didn’t? Not even an evil reprise? Yeah that’s some bull spit right there.

#8 Growing Up

Aw, the first name reveal episode on this list! This episode is a lot of fun, mostly because of the scenarios they come up with and the little cutaways they add in. Seriously. Just use these more instead of going to these great lengths to show us something that can be accomplished in six seconds of footage. 

It also has one of my favorite moments with Logan quietly asking Patton what they’re doing wrong after Thomas tries to force himself into the “serious adult role.” I really got a soft spot for this episode and honestly talking about it makes me wanna watch it again, but I’ll hold off for now. 

And I think Patton has one of the best name reveals. Like Thomas really thought his name was Pattoncake, and Patton’s reaction is priceless. I still want to know what “Pattoncake” actually is and how it’s played, but part of me also accepts that it’s probably better if we never know. 

#7 Making Some Changes

Why are Thomas’s friends so good at acting as Thomas acting as his characters? Seriously half the time when I watch this episode my brain doesn’t acknowledge that the Sides are now being played by different people until halfway through. 

This episode is one of the funniest in my opinion, and one I remember coming back to a lot. Do I still want an episode where the Sides pretend to be each other? Yes. Do I know it’ll probably never happen and if it did they’d find some way to just make it full of angst? Yes, yes I do.

#6 Alone on Valentine's Day

The first episode to be officially cowritten by Joan, and it’s great. It’s hilarious, and just seeing all the varying ways each Side tries to portray their idea of romance is the cherry on top. What more can I say about this episode other than I’m curious as to what Janus and Remus would have contributed to a conversation like this, maybe they’ll do another episode like this in the future with their inclusion, but who knows what the heck they’re doing at this point.

#5 Sanders Sides Q&A

Top 5 here we go!!! This is when ranking started to get difficult because I love all of these episodes so much. Especially this one. I think I’ve watched this one more than any of them and why not? It’s just pure goofball shenanigans and seriously, Thomas, why haven’t you done another one yet? Especially with Janus and Remus?! I mean I get if you’re waiting for “all the characters” but come on man! I need more of the energy this episode gives off.

#4 My Negative Thinking

This episode made me realize just how underrated Logan and Virgil’s relationship is. It’s also the second entry in the “Logan Fights Everyone” saga. I do love how this episode has actually helped me with my own negative thinking and I just freaking love Virgil’s sass in this. 

Did I mention I also love Logan and Virgil’s friendship? Ah, good times when they all more or less liked each other. 

#3 Losing My Motivation

The set up of this episode is just brilliant. Having it be a “mystery” for Logan to solve with Patton as his sidekick provided a lot of laughs and one of my favorite Logan moments with his little bit he does after realizing he was the “culprit” in all of this. Ugh, I really wanna watch some of these episodes now but I’m gonna hold out. 

One thing is that I feel like Logan got the short end of the stick with his name reveal. Like Patton just casually calls him by his name like it’s no big deal, yet pretty much all of the other names are revealed after some kind of emotional moment and are treated as a big deal. If Patton was comfortable enough to just call Logan by his actual name and Logan himself was fine with it then why didn’t any of them introduce themselves before? There’s not really an explanation within the series itself as to why this is or why the Sides even have names in the first place, like it makes sense why Virgil or Janus would hide their names but Logan, Roman, and Patton have been there since day one so what gives?

My personal headcanon is that the three of them had a bet going on to see how long they could go without calling each other by their names in front of Thomas and Patton lost because he forgot. 

#2 Am I Original?

Look, Roman is my favorite so of course he’s up here! Not only that but this episode resonates with me a lot as a creative person, and I just love watching the Sides trying all the ideas Roman comes up with.

And his name reveal is also great, probably my favorite one, and of course it’s followed by the now infamous, “You’re my hero” line. But I’m just gonna ignore what became of that and focus on the fact that Roman was actually happy at the end of this episode.

#1 Accepting Anxiety Part Two

What can I say other than this was the perfect way to end this season? Virgil has been the outsider of the group since day one, and seeing him go from this snarky antagonist to gradually being tired with the role until he decides that it would be better if he just wasn’t around at all. This episode has some funny moments too, but what sticks out to me are the more emotional ones. 

Roman’s entire speech to Virgil is just *cheff’s kiss* perfection. Their relationship has finally come full circle and when Virgil smiles at him? Ah it’s so good!!! Like the music, the acting, all of it comes together so perfectly and it makes my heart happy. 

Virgil’s name reveal is also great, after being teased about it over and over again we finally get the real thing and it’s executed perfectly. Although my favorite thing about this episode is probably the end card, it’s so sweet and makes me all sentimental. Why? I dunno, I’m supposed to be heartless but I somehow find my heart melting when Patton gives Virgil the card anyway. Ah, I love Virgil’s relationships with the others by the end of this season, and honestly I would have been satisfied if this had been the end of it.

Just a neat little way to wrap up this neat little series. 

Of course we all know that wasn’t the case and oh boy things certainly took a turn, but that is for another post! 

And that was the first part of my ranking! Like I said this list might change once I go back and watch the series again, but I’m pretty sure things won’t change much then. 

I’m actually surprised at how many happy memories I have with the season, like I seriously want to just go back and watch my favorite episodes again because I’m all up in the nostalgia but again, I’ll hold off for now. 

I hope y’all enjoyed this and I’d be curious to see other people’s rankings of season one. I’m glad I was able to have fun with this and just gush about the series for awhile because oh boy I know things are gonna be very different once I get to season two...

[capsteddybear]

Our Playlist: Your Precious Love -  Marvin Gaye & Tammie Terrell

Song lyrics: "I am here for you, love is meant for two, now tell me what you're gonna do."

It's the last night in your hometown with Chris and you decide to meet up with your cousins at the karaoke bar that's down the street from your hotel. You guys decided to walk to the bar so that if you guys drank a few too many you didn't have to worry about driving.

"This is gonna be fun. I haven't been to a karaoke bar in a couple of years," you say to Chris as you walk into the bar.

You find the room that your cousins and their dates are in and they have already started singing.

Your cousin Anna's boyfriend points to her and belts out the lyrics to Backstreet Boys. "But we are two worlds apart can't reach to your heart when you say that I want it that way."

Then the rest of the group joins in for the chorus, "tell me why, aint nothing but a heart ache." You join in and Chris busts out laughing.

The waitress comes by to take your drink orders. You have a feeling you need to catch up with your cousins because they're acting a bit too goofy not to be a little tipsy at this point. A few minutes later the waitress comes back with your drinks. You guys sit on the couch and skim through the song book and watch as your cousins take turns singing before it's your turn. You finish the last sip of your beer before you and Chris take the stage that's at the front of the room. Chris decided to start off with a Disney classic. As soon as the music starts playing everyone laughs and cheers.

"I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder, over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride."

While singing the song you notice that Chris doesn't even have to look at the screen. He's such a Disney fanatic and you love him for it. You guys finish the song and Chris takes your hand and bows to the crowd. You can't help but start laughing. You guys walk off stage and hand the microphones off to the next person.

You and Chris sit back on the couch. "Yay we did it, (y/n). We survived our first song." He puts his arm around you.

You give him a kiss on the cheek, "It was all you. You didn't even have to look at the lyrics."

Chris shrugs his shoulders, "what can I say? I love Disney." He grabs the menu that's on the table next to the couch, "you wanna share something to eat?"

You look over the menu and decide to get a basket of fries. You and Chris already had dinner prior to this, but still wanted something to snack on.

It's now your cousin Benny's turn and he goes for a karaoke classic; Journey's "Don't Stop Believing". As he's singing his dance moves and hand gestures are over the top.

"A singer in a smokey room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume, for a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on, strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard."

When he finishes he's out of breath from giving it his all. Chris stands up and gives his a hug.

It's now Chris' turn to sing. He turns to you and squeezes your hand and smiles. He grabs the microphone and heads up to the stage. The music starts playing and he starts singing. At first he stays on stage singing then he starts slowly walking towards you slowly. All of your cousins and their dates watch as he serenades you.

"When we are together, the moments I cherish, with every beat of my heart…" Chris takes your hand, "to touch you, to hold you, to feel you, to need you." then leans in for a kiss.

Your cousins start cheering. You pay no attention to them. All of your attention is on Chris. He holds your hand a bit longer before heading back to the stage. When he's done you can't help but clap and cheer for your awesome boyfriend. He smiles and bows and takes his seat on the couch next to you. You embrace him with a big hug and exchange a bunch of light kisses.

"Thank you, that was really sweet, Chris."

"Mmm, you're welcome."

You guys lounge on the couch in each others arms drinking and watching everyone sing. The night goes on and the bar is about to close, but there's time for one more song. You take Chris by his hand and guide him to the stage for one more duet. Chris hands you the microphone and the music starts. At this point of the night you guys are a bit tipsy so you're giggling while singing until it gets to a certain lyric of the song.

Chris puts his arm around your waist and pulls you close, "I am here for you, love is meant for two, now tell me what you're gonna do."

You get lost in his eyes as he sings to you. You both sway and sing to the music.

"If I could I would give you the world, but all I can do is just offer you my love." Chris plants a kiss on your cheek. Your cousins and friends die from the cuteness. You guys finish the song and everyone cheers for you.

"Let's hear it for the power couple!" You hear one of your cousins yell out. Chris looks at you and puts his hand on his chest and starts laughing. You can't help but smile and hug him.

You and Chris say bye to everyone and head back to the hotel. You guys cuddle and fall asleep. Tomorrow morning you guys would head home.

=====

You guys take your time on the drive back home. You guys stop for food and to stretch out and walk around a small park with a pond. You guys stop by Scott's house to pick up Dodger. When you guys arrive back to Chris' place you guys unload the truck and fall onto the couch and cuddle.

You kiss Chris on the cheek, "hey thanks for joining me on this trip. Hope my family wasn't too crazy."

Chris laughs, "No, your family is amazing. I had a lot of fun with you and them these last couple of days."

You hug Chris, "I love you."

He has his arm around you and squeezes your shoulder, "Oh yeah I have a surprise for you."

You sit up and raise your eyebrow, "oh yeah?"

Chris rubs your back, "Yes." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little box and hands it to you.

You hold the box and look up at him and smile. You open the box and see a key.

Chris takes your hand and holds it in his, "would you like to move in with me, (y/n)?"

You don't say anything, you're speechless.

Chris squeezes your hand and looks you in the eyes, "hey you okay, (y/n)?"

You let out a breathy laugh, "yeah, yes. Yes I'd loved to move in with you, Chris." You then attack him with kisses. You feel him smiling against your lips.

He grabs your hips and moves you so you're straddling his lap without breaking your kiss.

"Mmm, I love you." He hugs you and rubs his hands down your back all the way down to your thighs.

You moan and grind your hips, "I love you too."

Chris lets out a tired laugh, "should we move this to the bedroom?"

You laugh, "Yeah, but only to cuddle. I'm sorry but I'm too tired to do anything else right now." You kiss him on the cheek and rest your head on his shoulder.

He moans in your ear, "that's okay with me. I'm sleepy too." He kisses you and you pull him up from the couch and lead the way to his bedroom.

You guys don't even change clothes to sleep. As soon as your heads hit the pillow you snuggle up and fall asleep.

=====

The next morning you're woken up to Dodger licking your arm to let him out to use the bathroom.

You whisper and pet him, "oh hey, good morning handsome. Need to go outside?"

Dodger runs out of the room. You slowly roll over and see Chris sound asleep. You smile and quietly get out of bed and let Dodger out to the backyard. You head to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee for Chris when he wakes up. You look in the fridge for something for you to drink. You head to the living room and you see the house key in the box that Chris gave to you last night. You were really tired from the drive that you had totally forgotten about it. You grab it and sit on the couch. Thoughts start flowing in your head. Happy thoughts. Like being able to wake up every morning by Chris' side, relaxing on the couch during the weekends, home cooked meals from Chris, and of course sharing a bed with him. Falling asleep in his arms is the best. You start to smile as you come up with more scenarios and that's when Chris walks into the living room rubbing his eyes.

"Well this is a first. You're up before me, Good morning, (y/n)." He gives you a kiss and sits next to you on the couch. He notices the key in your hand, "You having second thoughts?"

"What? No, happy thoughts actually."

"Okay, I didn't want to rush you into anything. It's just that you've been coming over a lot more and you have some of your stuff here so why not just move in?"

You laugh, "that's true." You lay back on the couch and lace your fingers with his. "You gonna help me move all of my stuff?"

Chris laughs, "Of course." He kisses your cheek.

"Thank you. So what's the plan for today?"

"Don't know. But let's start off with some breakfast. Want pancakes?" You nod your head and smile. Chris helps you up from the couch and leads you to the kitchen. You watch as Chris prepares breakfast for you. After breakfast you guys take Dodger for a walk around the neighborhood.

Later that day you and Chris go to your apartment and start packing up your stuff. You spend the rest of your fall break moving stuff out of your apartment.

==== =====

Break is over and you're back at the university with your students. You guys talked about what each of you did over the break. Everyone liked the time they had away from class. You reminded them of their playing test. You pushed back the playing test to the end of the week because your own brain was still getting used to being back at work after the time away. You were proud of them when they surprised you at how well they could perform their pieces later that week.

After you would get back home from work each day you would unpack a few boxes. Chris left you alone to get situated and would come say hi every once in awhile.

You were standing in front of the walk in closet and unpacking your clothes to hang up. He leaned against the doorway to your guys bedroom, "You doing okay?"

You let out a sigh, "Yeah, just didn't know how much shit I had until I started unpacking everything."

Chris smiles, "Wanna take a break? dinner is almost ready."

"Yeah, I'm hungry." Chris takes your hand and guides you to the kitchen. "Mmm, smells good. What did you make?"

"Some stew." Chris takes off the lid from the pot and scoops a bit with the wooden spoon and gives you a taste.

"Mmm."

Chris smiles and serves you a bowl. You guys enjoy dinner at the kitchen counter.

"Oh, I have one more surprise for you, (y/n)."

You swipe your mouth with a napkin and sigh, "another one?"

"Yes!" Chris hops down from the bar stool and takes your hand. "Come on."

You follow him down the hallway and he puts his hand on the doorknob to one of the spare bedroom. "Okay close your eyes."

You give him a smirk and close your eyes. He opens the door and guides you in.

"Okay, open them."

You open your eyes and he remodeled the room as a home office for you. You see all of your instruments displayed on the wall, your desk set up with your computer and books for work. You put your hands up to your face and your eyes water when you spot the baby grand piano in the corner of the room. Chris hugs you from behind.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it." You turn your head and kiss him on the cheek. You walk to the piano and sit on the bench. "When did you do all of this?"

"When you were at work." He walks up and sits next to you.

"Thank you so much, Chris." You kiss him again.

"I love you, (y/n)."

"I love you too."

Chris puts his hand around your waist, "can you play me a song?"

You smile, "Sure."

You put your hands on the piano keys and start playing a song for him. He slowly rubs your back as you play.

"You know how to play right?"

"Uh yeah."

"Okay your turn then." You scoot on the bench and let Chris play a song for you. You rest your head on his shoulder as he plays. You are excited for this new part of your life living with your amazing boyfriend, Chris.

[fabulaee]

COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE

// A 🐺 fic based on my Stay journey’s aesthetics which was a coffee shop au bc they remind me of those times when I used to go to the café to draw and would see fellow regulars but unlike y/n and Chan, I never interact with them. We all just share a table 😂😂😂

*

*

*

Monday. Wednesday. Friday

That was the set schedule for your coffee run. MWF from 9 am to 10, then coming back with your study supplies from 1 to 4 in the afternoon. It was routine; the small college café a safe haven from the slight messy floor of your dorm and the formal vibe of the library. Here you were focused and at peace of mind. The aroma of the coffee beans and soft sounds of the coffeeshop’s playlist serving as background noise.

There wasn’t much students at this time of the day compared to the much later prime of the evenings. The café then filled with college youths grabbing a drink after a long day’s worth of lectures and test reminders or staying to cram a night’s worth of information. There was something about cafés that seemed inviting and less suffocating yet at the same time a place where you can find the nursing students with their big thick books opened with streaks of neon yellow running across them.

“Vanilla Bean Cold Brew for y/n!”

Standing up, you went to grab your drink leaving behind the pastel rainbow set of highlighters and gel pens on top of your notes. You quickly thanked the barista as he handed you a straw before plopping back down on your seat continuing where you last went off. Something about the history of impressionistic art. You sighed as you lifted your eyes across the room, it was currently 2:30 pm on a Wednesday afternoon. A good time to take a break before your mind starts to commit brain fart.

*

Chris Bang. Affectionally called Bang Chan by his friends. Music major with golden hands, a good candidate for the honor roll, member of the varsity swim team, and resident social butterfly. An all rounder any college is proud to have.

You heard about him once or twice from your common friend, Yang Hongseok. They met at the gym apparently and became quick friends through the Japanese exchange student, Adachi Yuto, and their shared love for fitness.

You see him sit at the same spot everyday since the middle of sophomore year. His laptop with the cute decal of Deadpool open and his AirPods snugly tucked in his ears. He's always has his blonde head bopping to a song he's playing on either his phone or his laptop. Always seemed so engrossed in this little world he made for himself across the room, ignorant to the bustling crowd of students that come and go.

He looks up catching you off guard. His lips curled slightly upwards, chuckling to himself as he watches your cheeks turn pink in embarrassment. Great, he must think I'm a weirdo!

With a quick exchange of nods you both went back to doing your own thing. Just a regular day at the coffee shop.

*

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

It's the Friday following Monday's slightly embarrassing incident. You looked up to find the same Chris Bang, laptop in hand, smiling at you like a friendly yet lost puppy. Warm brown orbs looking back at yours.

“My laptop's about to die and this is the only table with an outlet.” He explains himself, a tiny awkward giggle making up as the period.

“O-oh, of course!” You stuttered, hastily making room for him despite the large space as you swiped for the stray pastel highlighters and napkins closer. “No one's sitting here so go ahead.”

He whispered a small thanks before setting down his laptop to grab his bag from his usual spot while you went back to your notes. It was silent for awhile, only the sounds of pen against paper and the soft tick tack of the keys. At some point you hit a mind block, eyes glazing in boredom as you stared at the blank space of your notebook. You felt your table mate leave his stationary position too. he stretched in his seat before turning his attention to you.

Sensing his sudden gaze on you, you flashed him a small smile. You were never one to start a conversation, often keeping to yourself and minding your own business. A bit of a complete opposite towards the friendly Australian who somehow knows at least three students from each program.

He smiles back at you showing off his cute dimples and an outstretched hand. “Hey, I'm Chan. I never caught your name.”

Again with the cute giggle. It seems to be like a signature to him but it's cute still the same. You grasped his hand giving it a soft shake. “Y/n,” you answered curtly.

*

The following days you find yourself hanging around Chan more. Afternoon study sessions were no longer a date between you and the textbook or the small watercolor set you laid out on the table. Chan was there to fill the space making the long table that was a party of one to a party of two and maybe some on certain busy hours but mostly it was the both of you in your own tiny world.

You got to know him, his likes and dislikes. His major and passion for music, sometimes slipping in a few complaints about certain homework here and there; What else he likes to do. Apparently mr. Chris Bang was gifted in so many areas you often wondered what good he must've done in his previous life to be this gifted. Not only was he a jack of all trades, he's also the master of all.

You even had a small debate between Deadpool and Spider-Man. God, he's such a nerd it's adorable!

In return he knew these things about you. How you're taking up art as your major hoping to make it out as an illustrator one day—

“it would be so cool if you drew a variant cover for Deadpool!”

“Ha! We'll see about that, Chris Reynolds.”

He knows how you like to collect stickers and are quite passionate about making sure your notes are beautiful. He knows how you loved your drinks iced despite it being the middle of winter.

“Isn’t the weather too cold for that?” He’d ask with a quirk of his brow, amused brown eyes glancing at the iced hazelnut latte you have in your hands.

“Nope!” you replied, taking a sip as you did so. “It’s always the perfect weather for an iced coffee, Bang.”

He only chuckled at that.

*

It hit you like a freight train. You didn’t mean to fall for him. It wasn’t supposed to happen. You and Chan? No way, it was just supposed to be just friends. The kind where you hang out and have fun, no feelings attached. He was just supposed to be that regular from the café, right?

That was the plan, right?

But you can’t deny the small flutters from your heart much like those newly emerged butterflies. How you can feel that giddy feeling of excitement when you spot his mop of chocolate curly locks outside the café’s window. How you mirror his smile when you get together to talk about anything and everything under the sun. Bang Chan in all his cute dimpled glory, soft curls and hearty giggles was just too much to adore.

Yet it wasn’t that what pulled you in to the Music major. You felt love blossom when you both stayed up late, when the café was quiet after a busy day. The only people around being a couple medical students, some late night goers, and the employees. You felt the tiny flower buds start to bloom when he stayed with you then; keeping you company under the dimly warm fluorescent lights, laptop tucked away and a hand playing with yours.

You felt it bloom when you cuddled on the booth’s sofa one rainy November day. He scoots over next to you when he saw you shiver from the corner of his eyes. He’s naturally warm —you’d often tease him how he made the room hot. Why? well it’s because he’s from Australia! which earned the loud chorus of laughter from his friends and Chan’s ears turning into the color of the fire hydrant.

“Babygirl, you’re shivering.” He mutters as he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you gently towards him. You accepted the subtle invitation, sides sticking together as you both went through forgotten notes and half finished coffees.

You felt it when you caught yourself staring at him a little longer than intended. Eyes drifting from Jisung’s expressive face to glance at the older one. You watched him look at the former with such adoration in his eyes; how he looked like a proud dad. You watched him nod along and laugh to Jisung’s animated story about how he and Hyunjin would fight back in the day, a fact that still seemed to shock you seeing how they are the best of friends.

Your eyes would linger on him while he worked on his music; focused and determined, hiding the exhaustion and sleepless nights prominent on the dark circles under his eyes. He was handsome even if he looked like shit. Hell, he was handsome even when he sported the infamous broccoli colored hair. You’d find yourself in a trance, like it was a dream. The world didn’t matter as much anymore when it was only you and Chan in the small dimly table, surrounded by the aroma of coffee beans at the small quaint cafe at the corner of the street.

*

You loved him. You loved him in the most beautiful of ways; you loved him in the most perfect highs and in all those crevices full of flaws.

You loved him in those bright moments, when the lights were shining on him during a 3RACHA gig. How they made him more beautiful, how they made him stand out from the 2 younger members. You loved watching him do what he loves; how he immersed himself in a world that was different from yours. How his version of colors and dried paint were beats and melodies, rhythm and tempos.

You loved him in the lowest moments; when the tide was high enough to cover you. You loved how you fit perfectly in his arms, how he became a shoulder to lean on when you felt the world was against you and you to him. When he would open up to you about his worst fears and his grandiose ambitions; when he spilled his heart out at the underlaying insecurity that’s been biting him due to his perfectionist attitude. You became his confidante; the one he can trust his heart to.

You loved him in the times he was vulnerable. You loved him when he would bask in glory and shining lights. You loved him like those cheesy lines in love songs. You loved him like how the tides would look at the moon in awe and yearning; gravitating with every push and pull.

You loved him in ways words can never describe. How the seeds he planted in your heart bloomed to the most beautiful bouquet of flowers.

You love him simply because he’s Chan.

You promised yourself you’d be just friends. It was safer that way but then again, what is love when she’s not one without twists and turns?

What is love when she comes to you, sneaky and sly like a weed disguised as a flower, whispering into your ear that it’s him.

It’s him, it’s him, it’s him.

It was always him, it just took you some time to figure that out.

*

When you first met Chan, he was simply a friend of a friend. Someone you knew because your brothers are his friends. He was the guy you’d hear about in passing, the popular cool guy with a heart bigger than a massive sized teddy bear and a smile that could cure the most depressing of days. Someone who, in probability, would just be an acquaintance to you.

He was that guy you regularly saw at the coffee shop you visited every week. He was just some guy from the music department who would flash you a friendly smile because you were a familiar face.

Funny how fate made him more than what you originally expected him to be.

[bangtanbetchfics]

Aerodynamics (m) | finale: black box

genre: smut, fluff, angst rating: explicit pairing: kim namjoon x female reader x idol!jungkook word count: 3.5k suggested listening: dOra maar - onlyoneof | lady - solhee | dreamcatcher + here we are - gfriend | playlist warnings: explicit language, explicit/casual/rough sex summary: after a few steamy encounters, namjoon questions your intentions. notes: the real (real) finale of aerodynamics! finally finished my nearly second 20k fic! this final chapter was inspired by an ao3 comment on one of the previous chapters, so i’m really excited to share this neat bow on the story. a special thanks to everyone who read & liked! :) navigation: ch. i | ch. ii | ch. iii | iv | v: finale. | masterlist.

black box: [in relation to flight equipment] anything that has mysterious or unknown internal functions or mechanisms.

“F-Fuck, Joon!” You cry out into the air as your nails claw into the muscles on Namjoon’s back, leaving red welts in their trails.

It was only five in the morning, and Namjoon’s cock was already rearranging your insides.

As you’re buried under the weight of Namjoon’s body, your moans come out in loud, choked grunts. He always made you loud, and a raw, primal energy was coursing through the room.

“God, your pussy is so good – fuck,” Namjoon grits out, his lips and teeth gnashing at your own. Electricity burns through your veins as you take him, his hips furiously snapping into yours.

“Namjoon, ah-” Namjoon lets out a strained grunt as you squeal, and he pushes into you – balls deep.

“Did. He. Fuck. Your. Pussy. This… good?” He grits through his teeth, punctuating each word of his ask with each roll of his hips. 

Namjoon’s tan skin is glistening in a sparkling sheen of sweat above you, his muscles flexing with every slam into you.

“N-No!” You cry out in pleasure as your neck arches, pushing the base of your head further into the pillows underneath you. 

“No, what?” His thick girth is still pummeling you at this point, making you gasp for breath. He glides his body up, holding himself over you before he grabs your chin to await your response.

“No, Sir.” You exhale. He gives you a satisfied smirk, his dimples pressing into his cheeks.

Namjoon’s lips and teeth immediately move to your neck to mark you, and you moan as one of your hands slides to grab the hair at the base of his skull.

“Who’s pussy is this then?” He asks, his voice gravely from exhaustion. 

It’s still a surprise to Namjoon as to how you’re still able to keep up with his stamina.

“Fuck no-” You start, and Namjoon corrects you with a slam of his hips – a cry falling from your lips.

“Fuck no, Sir. It’s yours.” He licks his lips in satisfaction as you start to catch on.

“Mine?” Namjoon hits you with another buck of his hips, and you groan in delight. You nod, both of your lips and teeth clashing in a hungry embrace.

“God you’re so good at taking my cock like a little slut, huh?” He grunts out as he picks his maniacal pace back up, watching you whine and writhe beneath him. The baritone notes of his voice reverberate in your ear as his length crashes into your core over and over in a relentless heat. 

“Baby, don’t fucking cum,” He tells you, demands of you – and at this point, the pleasure was raw and you were the fullest you ever felt in awhile, so you bit your lip to take your mind off your release.

Namjoon tosses you onto your side, cradling your body from behind as his hand fastens itself to your hip.

You moan as he enters you again and begins to pump into you. Each time he entered you it felt like the first time, and it was delicious. His desire permeates through you, leaving you desperate for his lips. You crane your neck to meet his plump lips behind you.

“It’s yours,” You strain your words into his lips, the pace of your encroaching pleasure suffocating your air supply.

“Baby, cum for me,” Namjoon adjusts himself, and his cock starts to drag on your g-spot, and it makes you pant. His fingers move up to roll your nipples as his cock reaches your depths.

The exchange of moans between the two of you picks up pace, and a sudden drag of his cock against your walls makes you squirt. It makes your body jerk before you settle – your breaths at a quickened pace.

“Jesus, fuck!” Namjoon howls, the waves your wetness coating his cock. He pumps into you a few more times as your walls grip him, and he releases inside of you with a steady groan.

“Fuck,” Namjoon pulls out of you, rolling you onto your back. He pins your hands above your head, and you close your eyes as his lips tenderly meet yours.

“ God, I love you,” He breathes out as he rests his sticky forehead on yours – awaiting a mutual response. The only sounds filling the silence in the room are your breaths coming down to a normal pace. 

Reality settles in as you cycle through the racing thoughts in your mind – effectively causing you to slip from your high. After a moment, you open your eyes.

“Joon, I have to pee,” You look up into his dark, almond eyes for a moment before tapping his chest, signaling him to get up. 

As you stand you pull a tissue from the tissue box at your bedside – wiping the mix of fluids that drizzle down your leg.

“You okay?” Namjoon asks as he watches you head toward the bathroom. “Yeah, I just have to get ready for work.” You call back.

Namjoon throws himself back into the pillows, his forearm resting over his head in disbelief.

A sudden buzz of your cell on the nightstand snaps him from his daze, and he reaches over to grab your phone. The screen lights up and he sees:

[?]: Meet me. Tonight.

You arrive from the shower – ruffling your wet hair – and Namjoon tosses your phone to the end of the bed.

“Who’s this?” Namjoon inquires, his brows furrowing together as he rests his arms behind his head.

You take a moment to look at the text, immediately knowing who it’s from.

“So you’re just looking at my phone now?” You ask, your tone pointed.

“I just don’t want you seeing other guys,” Namjoon sits up, his eyes searching yours.

“I’m not your girlfriend, Joon. You don’t get to decide what I do,” You chuckle, continuing to ruffle your wet hair with the towel that was formerly around your frame.

“Since when? I thought we were together?” He presses again, his eyes following you as you walk to the closet and pull out your uniform.

“Yeah, we’re together. Fucking together, Joon,” You say matter-of-factly.

“So what was that back there a few days ago? When you said you loved me?” At this point Namjoon is pulling on his shirt and boxers, and he parks himself at the edge of the bed.

“Pretty sure we all say stupid shit in the middle of sex, right?” You continue, and his brows come together in distress. “Oh my god, this again.” He grumbles into his hands, which now cover his mouth.

“What’d you say?” You stop in the middle of pulling on your stockings.

“Did you honestly think we’d fuck a few times and things would be back to normal?” You scoff, quickly drawing your stockings to your hips.

“I just-” Namjoon starts, but you quickly interject him.

“I cried every fucking night, Joon. Alone . Just think for one second about how it feels to have someone promise their love to you forever, only to turn everything around a week later because they’ve changed their mind?” 

“Just imagine…” You scoff again as you relive what you’ve said aloud, placing your heels on your feet.

You grab your luggage in haste, heading to the door.

“I’m sorry, I-” Namjoon leaps up to grab your wrist, and you snatch away from him. 

“Get the fuck off me.” His eyes are wet as he looks at you, and you glare at him – not a glint of mercy in your eyes.

You slam the door, and Joon rests his forehead on it before he bangs it with his fist in frustration a few times.

“Fuck!” He shouts, pursing his lips in regret shortly after.

***

“Something to drink?” You ask a customer on your flight, and he smiles at you. 

“Sure, ginger ale?” He responds, and you nod at him.

You force yourself to smile as you pick up a few ice cubes to drop into his cup, and Taehyung tilts his head as he watches you. He hands a customer their cup before he places a hand on yours.

You look up at him, shaking your head as you force your lips up into another smile.

“Hey, you don’t seem like yourself, love,” He says warmly, his cat-like eyes boring into you with concern.

“I’m fine, really,” You assure yourself, before your eyes space out into the cup in your hands. Emotions blend inside of you, and you cover your mouth as tears well into your eyes.

“I’m sorry…” You say to Taehyung without looking up at him, and he sighs as he watches you run off.

“Miss, my drink?” The man shouts after you, as you run down the aisle and disappear into the galley.

***

You look at your watch as you descend an escalator to the bottom floor of the airport, and you sigh to yourself – still embarrassed about how you cried earlier at work.

At the bottom of the escalator is a woman in a black baseball cap, the rest of her body is also shrouded in black clothing. 

The woman approaches you, and you look at her in shock before she pulls your ear to her mouth. She references a paper in her hand before crumpling it, and placing it in her pocket. She then moves back to your ear, whispering something to you as you nod.

She slips something in your pocket, and your hand follows hers to the item.

***

As you stand outside of a hotel room door, a black coat and baseball cap are now also on your frame.

Your hand slips into the same spot where the woman placed the item, and you retrieve it. You slide the item – a keycard – into the slot, and it lights up green and buzzes with assurance.

As you open the door, Jungkook is standing tall over you, his big, bright eyes brimming with excitement.

Jungkook’s still made up from the show he played that night, and you can’t help but notice his chest is bare – his prominent collarbones peeking from underneath his button up silk shirt.

You smile as you look up at him, and he moves from your space – putting his arm out to show you the room. 

You take in the room: bright and glittering with glass and marble finishings, waves crashing on the beach just outside of the floor-to-ceiling windows.

“This is so beautiful, Jungkook,” You mumble into his warm lips as he bends down to kiss you. Your eyes are still forlorn as he pulls away, and he tries to bring up the mood by dragging you toward a table.

The glass table is set with utensils and cloth napkins – two meals covered with metal tops for each of you. 

Your spirits lift as you take in the scents of the meals floating out from underneath their tops, and a smile curls up your lips. 

There was no doubt that Jungkook had to be an extremely busy person, but even he was somehow still able to make time for you, you think to yourself.

Jungkook pulls out of your chair, and then sits down – his eyes watching you with a glimmer of mischief in them. 

“Don’t look at me like that!” You cry out and he smiles at you. You can’t help but giggle, hiding your face in your hands.

“There you go. It’s beautiful when you smile,” He chuckles, chomping into the steak in front of him. Your cheeks are still nearly up to your temples as Jungkook gulps down his food.

“I hope you brought your Switch again. I won’t lose this time,” His confidence is sky high and it makes you laugh out loud.

As you eat, you notice your hair tie is still on his wrist and you smile again.

“You’re so cute. Seriously.” He tilts his head and you point at his wrist, making him blush.

“Don’t be shy now,” You tease, and his eyes get dark.

“Shy?” He asks, placing his fork down. He walks over to your side of the table and tilts your chin up, his lips enveloping yours. 

Jungkook was done wasting time with you, and how quickly his lips meet yours assures you of that.

Jungkook uses his strength to lift you straight up from the seat, and you squeal as he lifts you into his arms. His lips are hungry after yours, and he falls onto the edge of the bed with you in his arms.

You unbutton his shirt as you kiss him, your hands running over his hard pecs under the soft silk. He squeezes your waist as your fingers undo the final button of the top, coaxing you further toward him. 

“Clothes. Off.” His tone is hungry – serious – as he pops his lips from yours.

You stand up and strip off your top, and he pulls you by the waist in between his legs to watch you. 

His large, rough hands glide up the curves of your waist and meet your breasts as you remove your bra, and it makes you exhale in satisfaction.

You finally slide out of your skirt, and he pulls you down to his lips by your ascot. He latches onto your lips again, pulling you into a horizontal position on the bed.

You sit up on top of him, the warm sensation of your core heavy on his hardening bulge. He groans at your twists on his cock through his boxers, watching you lift your fingers up to remove your ascot. 

“Leave it on,” He demands as he pulls your hands down to lock behind your back. You grin into another kiss as he releases your hands and you move to remove his pants, shuffling them down his thighs.

You crawl down his body, placing kisses on his skin as you go. He sighs out as you work, his hands in your hair. You hook your index fingers into his underwear and pull them down, and his cock – already glistening with precum – springs out.

“Fuck,” He groans as you lick a stripe up his cock, your hot mouth immediately enveloping it. You bob your head up and down on him for a bit before you pop your mouth from his cock to look at him.

You crawl back on top of him and he lifts you over his head to his mouth. His tongue digs into your core, and you grip the headboard for stability. You start to squirm at the workings of his tongue, but he locks his strong arms around your thighs to keep you from moving.

“Jungkook…” You squeal, and he pulls his mouth from you – tossing you onto your back to kiss you.

His tongue parts your mouth, and the two of you battle for dominance. He nibbles your lips to assert himself, and you give in.

Jungkook moves his lips to your neck, and you breathe in the scent on his skin – ironically reminiscent of a warm ocean breeze. You return small kisses and bites to the soft skin of his neck, and his long, dark lashes meet his skin as he closes his eyes in bliss. He croons out a moan, and you chuckle as each moan comes out in a similar fashion. He was definitely a singer, you laugh to yourself .

You yelp as Jungkook suddenly lifts you into his arms again, and he laughs as you clutch his shoulders.

“That never gets old,” You giggle, as he places your back near a wall. Your head cranes back as he places a thrust into your gut, your body moving with the impact. His hands clutch your ass tighter and he continues, picking up the pace. 

You groan in impatience as you chase your high, and he speeds up to satisfy you. Your hands latch onto his bulging biceps, his own strength enough to keep your weight up.

Each of his soft moans lands in your ear, and it only brings you closer to the edge.

Jungkook quickly slips out of you, placing you on the floor. He spins you around, pressing you to the wall with his weight. He swiftly enters you, and you moan. After a few thrusts into you, he tugs you back by your ascot – the fabric firmly in his fist.

“Fuck me,” You mumble, and he presses his fingers deeper into your waist. Your hand slides up his tattooed arm, and back down to his tattooed hand – moving it toward your clit. He rubs circles into the sensitive nub as you continue to cry out as he pounds into you. 

“Harder,” You plead, and he uses the ascot to yank you to his ear – your neck flexing all the way back as he grunts into your skin.

Jungkook places a pointed thrust into you and you cry out as his cock spills you both over the edge. He places one final kiss on the back of your neck, the rapid pace of both of your breaths still in the air.

The two of you crawl back into bed with your Switch devices, and you giggle as you crawl to nest yourself in Jungkook’s arm. 

“I’ll have to show you again who’s the very best,” You rest your head on his chest, snuggling into him.

“Man, you just don’t give up!” He giggles out, slapping his thigh.

“Nope.” You smile to yourself, satisfied. You quickly think about what it means to not give up , and your smile falls for a brief moment. You sigh, bringing your awareness back to the game in front of you.

***

A particularly loud crash of a wave wakes you, and your eyes squint at the prominent sunshine through the window. Jungkook’s heavy arm drapes over your side, his nose nuzzled into the back of your neck.

As you stir, he inhales – his warm breath tickling the back of your neck as he exhales into your skin.

You reach over for your phone, sighing as soon as you see the screen.

[JOONIE]: [39 MISSED CALLS]

You rest your hand under your cheek for a moment, taking in what you just saw. Your eyes float over the view for a moment, before you sigh again.

“Good morning,” Jungkook whispers as you turn over to face him, and your lips meet before his eyes even open. You take a moment to look at him, your thumb gliding over his soft cheek.

“We can’t do this again,” You say in a quiet voice, your eyes examining his own.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” He chuckles sadly into your cheek, pressing one last kiss into it.

“I know,” He grazes your nose with his lips. “Thank you. For everything ,” You say softly. 

Jungkook’s doe eyes follow you as you stand and get dressed, and it crushes you a bit as you watch him.

He smiles as you wave to him before shutting the door, and he sighs, plopping his head back on the bed.

***

You’re face-to-face with the door of Namjoon’s apartment, and you sigh as you stare at it. After a few beats you insert your key, and turn the knob. 

As you enter, you gently shut the door and press your back to it. 

You stand in silence – hands behind your back as your head hangs low. You sniffle a few times as you wipe a few gathering tears from your eyes.

You hear heavy steps in the back of the apartment, and Namjoon sticks his head out from his room. He sees you, his eyes springing into wide circles of relief. He runs, bringing himself to stand in front of you.

“Namjoon, I’m sorry, I-” Namjoon shakes his head, his eyes still wide. 

“I’m the one who should apologize.” He interjects, as he gently places his hands on your shoulders.

“I think I’m just freaked out – scared – at how much I love you,” The honest confession of emotions causes your words to waver. He brings you into his warm chest in an embrace.

“We’ve been here before. And I’m scared, Joon,” You cry out into his chest, and he kisses the top of your head. “I know…” He responds, his voice hoarse with regret.

“I know…” He trails off. “I had to come to terms with making the biggest mistake of my life,” Namjoon pulls you from his chest by your shoulders to look at you.

“I’m so sorry. I really fucked up,” He pleads as your foreheads meet to rest on each other. He starts to cry himself as your eyes are still focused on the ground.

“Joon, I-”  His eyes lock into yours as he thumbs away your tears, and he silences you with his lips.

You reciprocate, your hands meeting his shoulders. As you sort through your emotions, your arms move to gradually wrap around his neck as he tips you backward. He uses the momentum of dipping you back to spring you up into his arms, and you fasten your arms and legs around him.

“We can start all over. From the beginning if we need to,” He whispers as you look at his shiny, dark eyes – your hands cupping his cheeks. You thumb away his tears as you search his eyes, which are glimmering with hope.

“I need you to know your heart is safe. You’re safe with me now,” Namjoon assures you. You nod, looking at him for a few more moments before you turn your head to press your lips to his.

As you pull back from the kiss, you look at him again.

“I love you so much, Joonie,” You whisper in relief.

“I love you, too,” He responds, the pressure finally out of his voice. 

Namjoon’s dimples pop into his cheeks in relief as you kiss him again.

[kitsutaes]

gingerbread & gumdrops

pairing: ot7 & reader

genre: fluff, christmas!au, nonidol!au, just 8 adults (sort of) competing with pre-made gingerbread house parts

word count: 1.1k

warnings: none

a/n: merry christmas!! and merry christmas eve to others who are sorta behind in the time zone spectrum of things. hope you like this lil holiday drabble, it’s kinda my first? also, i haven’t written in a long time so please bear with me!

summary: every year, a holiday competition ensues between you and the boys. last year it was ice skating, this year you got some gingerbread house building. 

Christmas with seven boys always happened to be a very eventful occasion. Every year, the eight of you would hold a holiday competition, ranging from various activities that of course included something to do with the winter season. Last year, ice skating competition. The year before that it was a 'best looking snowman' competition. This year, best gingerbread house. Christmas competitions with these boys most of the time ended up in chaos, but it added to the holiday spirit and memories to look back on.

This year, you ended up at Jimin's place that was decorated with the prettiest fairy lights and ornaments that dressed his Christmas tree wonderfully. Jimin had his snowman mugs out, ready for hot chocolate and his 'Holiday Hits' playlist playing in the background. Not only that, picture frames filled with photos of his family, you and the boys, and him in the different places he had visited throughout the years were all around for display. In other terms, it was cozy.

"Okay, so who's teaming up with who?" Jin asks, leaning on the couch as he was sitting on the floor.

"Oh god, remember last year when we went ice skating, Yoongi and I absolutely ate it." You suddenly bring up, getting a flashback of the ice skating competition you and the boys made up last year. With you and Yoongi being a team, it resulted in being toppled over each other, Namjoon tumbling over both of you, and the rest is history.

At the mention of his name, Yoongi rolls his eyes, obviously remembering the disaster that had his ass hurting for weeks. It seemed as if no one had forgotten since there were snickers and chuckles being shared from various parts of the living room.

"Let's just pick two names from a jar, those two will be partners." Namjoon suggests and the rest of you follow along, Jungkook writing the names on a napkin quickly to get the competition started.

Ripping the name pieces up, he hands them to Namjoon who tosses them into a bowl. The eight of you were huddled up on the couch and the floor, watching intently as Namjoon begins shaking the bowl as best as he can without spilling pieces of napkin everywhere.

Choosing the first two names, he reveals, "Namjoon–oh! me and Yoongi."

Namjoon keeps going, the pairs ending up to be: Jin and Jimin, you and Hoseok, and Jungkook and Taehyung.

As you and Hoseok are paired together, you high five each other, sharing a knowing look that the two of you are definitely going to win.

The rules were that one, you only had 30 minutes to complete the whole house, two being it had to have a unique design or no copying others, and three being absolutely no eating any of the gingerbread pieces until the competition is finished. Winner gets to pick any movie to watch after and gets crowned this year’s holiday champ.

Heading over to the dining room, the four pairs grab their box of 'ready to build & decorate' pre-made gingerbread house parts that claimed it would be 'easy to build!'. You, having built one before knew it was a little easier said than done.

The kit came with two little gingerbread men, generic white frosting, packets of gumdrops, bright sour candies, and mints besides the pre-made gingerbread house pieces to complete the look.

"Man, you guys are so going down." Jungkook laughs, checking out the parts and pieces. Jungkook had a gift for being great at whatever activity he tried, making him a worthy and challenging opponent.

"No way, get ready to get your ass beat Jeon." You retort, Jin definitely agreeing with you even though he wasn't exactly on your team. While the three of you bicker, Taehyung sets up the timer on his phone for 30 minutes, suddenly announcing a "ready, set, go!" before tapping 'start'.

Shouts and murmurs were heard in every part of Jimin's apartment, with hands scrambling for frosting, gingerbread, and candy.

"Okay Hobi, I'll hold up the pieces while you pipe the frosting so they stick together." You say after lining the base with frosting, a tip you learned after a failed gingerbread house building years ago. Hobi nods, determination radiating from the focused expression written all over his face.

Holding the pieces together one by one, you and Hobi make a sturdy base now moving on to the roof. The whole situation reminded you of a Food Network dessert competition. You were just waiting for Justin Willman or Jonathan Bennett to pop out of nowhere.

"___, you can frost, I'll decorate the house." Hobi nudges you, handing over the piping bag and grabbing the packets of candy from the table. You silently agree, taking the frosting from his hands. He lines the top of the roof with gumdrops and uses the green and red mints as windows. You on the other hand made icicles with the frosting.

All eight of you continue on with five more minutes left on the clock. Soon enough, gumdrops and sour candies are flying across the table. Not only that, you heard a few words being exchanged that would totally take you off of the nice list. Jin's adding his finishing touches, Yoongi's cleaning up the messy frosting from the plastic base, while you and Hobi are putting faces on your little gingerbread men.

The timer goes off, and surprisingly all of you finish and it seems as if no one had broken any rules. Namjoon and Yoongi's house was a little lopsided but nevertheless it looked great. Taehyung and Jungkook's creation definitely had an artistic touch to it, while Jin and Jimin's was overflowing with candy.

Staring at your creations for quite awhile, someone finally breaks the silence.

"How do we know who wins?" Jimin asks in confusion while popping a gumdrop in his mouth.

Before anyone else could come up with other ideas, you had already taken action. The familiar FaceTime ring filled the messy dining room along with the gingerbread crumbs and random gumdrops that had flown across the table.

"Mom!" You grin as your mother’s face pops up on your phone screen.

"___! Boys! Is this another one of your competitions?" Your mother asks. Her amused expression was clearly shown through your phone screen. She knew all about your winter shenanigans having to take care of both you, Yoongi and Namjoon.

A chorus of hellos spread throughout the room as you got all the boys in the frame, their faces as well as yours smothered with bits of frosting and definite hard work. "Yeah, this year it's a gingerbread house competition. Mom would you care to do the honors of judging?"

Your mom shouts an "of course!" through the phone. Flipping the camera so it wouldn't face you, you begin going through the four holiday houses, silently hoping you and Hobi would win but knew your mom wasn’t entirely biased.

"Wow, they all look pretty good guys! But I think the winner of this year’s holiday competition is—"

[pilot-boi]

Shouting In Cafes: Chapter Eight

After Thoughts

Sun hasn’t shown up to the coffee shop in awhile, and Neptune might have caught slightly more feelings from their drive than he is prepared to deal with.

AO3 LINK

“I don’t like him, Jaune.”

“Really? Because after your little joy ride with him, you texted me freaking out about how you were admiring his beautiful hair and his beautiful eyes and his beautiful hands and-”

“Monster hands! Monster hands that need to see a nail salon. He probably just sticks them in his mouth and rips them off, God help me.”

“Hey! The point is, is that because you were scared about it doesn’t make those feelings go away.”

“They weren’t feelings! They were just observations that I overthought.”

“Really? Because now you’re asking where he is. And looking forlornly towards the door.”

Neptune was in fact doing both of those things. He leaned on a broom, peering past the pinkish autumn evening light and into the parking lot. Sun had stuck to his word. He hadn’t turned up at The Daily Grind since two weeks ago, the night of the race that wasn’t really a race.

Not in a million years did Neptune expect that idiot to stick to his word, and yet there he stood. Alone with Jaune. And annoyingly worried.

Neptune dropped his broom to the side and turned his gaze towards Jaune. His cheeks were puffed out in annoyance at a lock of hair that kept falling in front of his eyes. 

Neptune sighed and leaned even further onto the broom if that was even possible. “Look. I’ve seen how he handles his own well-being now and I’m not really set at ease by it. I haven’t seen him at school.”

Jaune crossed his arms. “You never saw him in the first place.”

“Yeah, but the deal was that he wouldn’t visit me here. At work.” Neptune ran a hand through his hair, fixing it in the reflective side of the coffee machine. “I assumed he would’ve tried to visit me at college.”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure his exact wording was ‘I’ll leave you alone.’”

Neptune snorted, glancing over at him. “Your Sun impression is awful.”

“It’s not that bad!”

“You sound like the Green Giant.”

Jaune hit him in the arm. Neptune winced. He always forgot that under his awkward nerdy exterior, Jaune was fucking strong as hell.

“Anyway!” he huffed, giving Neptune a look. The one where he tried glaring but ended up smiling good naturedly through it. “So what if you like him? What’s the big deal?”

“He’s a dick.”

“Not really.”

“He’s straight.”

“You don’t kno-”

“He’s straight, Jaune,” Neptune said firmly.

“...Yeah,” Jaune sighed dejectedly.

“I’m not crushing on another straight guy. Not that I found him attractive in the first place. But even if I did, I’m done with straight guys. No thank you.” He said this with as much conviction as he could muster. Almost managed to convince himself.

“Neptune.” Jaune looked incredibly doubtful.

“I’m fine.” 

Jaune put his hand on his shoulder in a gesture that would’ve been awkward and condescending if it had been coming from anyone else. “Dude, if you really care that much, try to find him at school tomorrow.”

“I don’t care,” he insisted, shrugging off his hand.

Jaune gave him another look. The one with his brow lowered and his hands on his hips in a move that had to be adopted from one of his sisters. 

He shoved his hand into his apron pocket, his name tag attached upside down. Unintentionally, Neptune was sure. The flowers and smiley faces surrounding his name were a sure sign that at some point either Nora or Ruby Rose had gotten hold of it. Possibly both of them.

Jaune produced his phone. He swiped to messages, and cleared his throat, glancing meaningfully at Neptune.

“‘Jaune, help! I think I just thought Sun was hot!’” Out came his approximation of Neptune’s voice. It was lowered too far and sounded a little like he had a cold. He also used a surfer dude accent.

“That’s not at all what I sound li-”

“I asked ‘what happened?’ like a good friend,” Jaune continued, flicking up his eyes from the phone. “You replied: ‘I don’t know! We jumped a hill in his bright blue Mustang and I started laughing because of the panic and then I passed out and I woke up and he was right by my face. I noticed his eyes and hair and hands and stuff. It was really weird and I don’t know what’s going on.’”

Jaune stared at him. Neptune stared back. He was silent. Then, “I was really tired, obviously, that doesn’t prove anyth-”

“I said,” Jaune interrupted. Neptune closed his mouth. “‘Wow, Neptune. That’s pretty gay of you.’ You said, ‘I know.’” He looked up at Neptune again, and tilted his head.

Too smug.

“I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Jaune snorted. “You sure weren’t.”

“Jaune!”

“What?”

“Stop smiling! I am not gay for Sun Wukong!”

“But you could be.”

“Oh my God.”

“Run to him, Neptune,” Jaune declared dramatically, doing an incredible impression of Nora.

“Remind me why we’re friends?”

“I act as a restraint on your personality.”

“Yeah right.”

Neptune pinched his brow, puffing out a sigh. “Jaune, please believe me when I say that I don’t like him.”

He glanced over at Neptune with narrowed eyes, scepticism painting every line of his face. Finally, he let out a breath and rolled his eyes, slipping his phone back in his pocket. “Fine! Fine. I believe you.”

“Thank you.”

“But when you two start making out in the backroom, don’t c-”

“Jaune!”

“Fine!” He nudged Neptune away from the counter before taking up residence beside him, planting his chin in his hands. “Then why are we still staring at the door?”

“It’s… Weird,” Neptune began at a crawl. “You would expect someone like him to just come in anyway. So why isn’t he?”

“Maybe because you don’t actually know him,” Jaune posited. “You met him like a month ago, and the only words you’ve exchanged were over shitty coffee.”

“Language, Jaune!”

“I can curse! Shut up!” he exclaimed, standing bolt upright and flushing pink. 

Neptune snorted. “Yeah, sure you can.”

“Besides,” Jaune sighed, plowing ahead despite the interruptions. “The only things you’ve said about him were how he was the dick frat boy stereotype. People aren’t really stereotypes, man.”

“He is.”

Jaune glared at him. “No, he’s not.” He paused. “Probably.”

“Fine,” Neptune conceded, leaning against the back wall and crossing his arms. “He still doesn’t really seem the type to hold up his end of promises.”

Jaune shrugged. “Maybe he just likes you.”

“Jaune,” Neptune said, warningly.

“In a friend way.”

“Sure.”

“I’m being serious!”

“Oaky, okay.”

“Or in another way, hypothetically speaking, who knows right?” Jaune said, smiling cheekily and jumping away to dodge Neptune’s swipe.

Or he tried to jump away. All he actually managed to do was jump to dodge the hit, cheer in triumph when he succeeded, and then promptly slip and fall onto the ground anyway. After helping his coworker to his feet, Neptune sighed and leaned back onto the wall, raking his eyes over the coffee shop.

The coffee shop was nearly empty, the air filled with the aromas of coffee beans and caramel, yet somehow it still remained stagnant. The soft bass of the coffee shop playlist pumped through speakers overhead. 

The clacking of nails against laptop keys issued from Weiss’s distant corner. Calm light was streaming through the unopening glass cafe door, staining the floor with the colors of fall. He didn’t miss him. He was just bored.

As if reading his mind, Jaune’s expression softened and he said, “Dude, if you miss him-”

“I don’t miss him.” He might have responded slightly too quickly. But who was there to call him on it?

“Okay. If you’re worried about him…” Jaune amended, watching his face for any sign that he was going to get cut off. When Neptune said nothing, he plowed on. “...Just find him at school.”

“No.” No way. No freaking way was he going to voluntarily look for that idiot during the little free time he got.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want him to think we’re friends.” Neptune shrugged.

“Do you have friends?”

Neptune turned to him, expecting malintention to show up on his face. But no. It was just a gentle smile, curling blonde hair that didn’t stay put, and a smattering of freckles across his nose. A kind face. An approachable face. A face Neptune didn’t let anywhere near him for the first few months of knowing him.

“I have you,” he said, more sincerely than he thought himself capable of being.

Jaune rolled his eyes. “Besides me.”

Neptune thought for a second. Scarlet? Probably. Weiss? Less than probably. Most of the people he could maybe say he was friends with, they were really friends with Jaune. He was friendly with many, flirtatious with more, but did he really have any friends other than Jaune? “Not really,” he said finally, and more than a little sullenly.

“Yeah,” Jaune said and gave him a smile. A sad smile. Jaune wasn’t one to hide his feelings. Neptune hated pity even at the worst of times, but somehow Jaune was so genuine it made it okay. “Make some friends, dude. Please. He seems nice, and he has good intentions.”

“He does?”

“Totally. I’ve got a good sense about these things.”

“What about that Winchester dude?”

“We don’t talk about him, shut up.”

Neptune looked over at Jaune, still keeping his arms crossed. Jaune meanwhile, just looked hopeful. Like a puppy.

“Fine,” Neptune huffed and rolled his eyes. “But not for him.”

“That works for me!”

[satanfm]

lux & jordan’s playlist @jordanpls

TRACES OF YOU, ROOTED IN ME.

i don’t regret loving you, but wow do i ever fucking miss you. you are my musical leitmotif; everything reminds me of you...of us.

nearly witches (ever since we met...) by p!atd ---  “ever since we met, i only shoot up with your perfume. it's the only thing that makes me feel as good as you do. ever since we met. i've got just one regret to live through. and that one regret is you. how does a heart love if no one has noticed its presence? and where does it go? trembling hands play my heart like a drum, but the beat's gotten lost in the show. you have set your heart on haunting me forever from the start. it's never silent.”

new york by st. vincent --- “new york isn't new york without you, love so far in a few blocks to be so low and if i call you from first avenue where you're the only motherfucker in the city who can handle me. new love, wasn't true love, back to you, love. so much for a home run with some blue bloods. if i last-strawed you on 8th avenue, where you're the only motherfucker in the city who can stand me. i have lost a hero. i have lost a friend. but for you, darling i'd do it all again.”

atlantis by seafret --- “we got here the hard way all those words that we exchange is it any wonder things get dark? it's in my heart, it's in my head i never take back the things i said. so, high above i feel it coming down. she said, in my heart and in my head tell me why this has to end. oh no, oh no... i can't save us. my atlantis, we fall. we've built this town on shaky ground i can't save us my atlantis, oh no we've built it up to pull it down. now all the birds have fled, the hurt just leaves me scared losing everything i've ever known. it's all become too much. maybe i'm not built for love if i knew that i could reach you i would go.”

not over you by gavin degraw --- “dreams, that's where i have to go to see your beautiful face anymore. i stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio. hope, hope there's a conversation where we both admit we had it good. but until then it's alienation i know that much is understood. and i realize if you ask me how i'm doin', i would say i'm doin' just fine, i would lie and say that you're not on my mind. but i go out and i sit down at a table set for two and finally i'm forced to face the truth no matter what i say i'm not over you.”

all too well by taylor swift --- “oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze we're singing in the car, getting lost upstate autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place and i can picture it after all these days and i know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more and i might be okay but i'm not fine at all 'cause there we are again on that little town street you almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me wind in my hair, i was there, i remember it all too well 'cause there we are again in the middle of the night we dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light down the stairs, i was there, i remember it all too well, yeah. maybe we got lost in translation, maybe i asked for too much but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up running scared, i was there, i remember it all too well hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise so casually cruel in the name of being honest i'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'cause i remember it all, all, all too well time won't fly, it's like i'm paralyzed by it. i'd like to be my old self again, but i'm still trying to find it. after plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own now you mail back my things and i walk home alone. but you keep my old scarf from that very first week ‘cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me you can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah.”

ocean breathers salty by modest mouse --- “your body may be gone, i'm gonna carry you in. in my head, in my heart, in my soul. and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again. well i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. don't think so. well that is that and this is this. you tell me what you want and i'll tell you what you get. you get away from me. you get away from me. collected my belongings and i left the jail. well thanks for the time, i needed to think a spell. i had to think awhile. i had to think awhile. the ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in? in your head, in your mouth, in your soul. and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old. well i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i hope so.”

lover by taylor swift --- “can i go where you go? can we always be this close forever and ever? and ah, take me out, and take me home you're my, my, my, my lover. we could let our friends crash in the living room this is our place, we make the call. and i'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you i've loved you three summers now, honey, but i want 'em all. can i go where you go? can we always be this close forever and ever? and ah, take me out, and take me home you're my, my, my, my lover. ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? with every guitar string scar on my hand i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue all's well that ends well to end up with you swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover.”

sick of losing soulmates by dodie --- “what a strange being you are, god knows where i would be if you hadn't found me, sitting all alone in the dark a dumb screenshot of youth watch how a cold broken teen will desperately lean on a super glued human of proof what the hell would i be, without you (what the hell would i be) brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth (hide the truth) 'cause i'm sick of losing soulmates, so where do we begin i can finally see, you're as fucked up as me so how do we win? yeah, i'm sick of losing soulmates, won't be alone again i can finally see, you're as fucked up as me so how do we win? we will grow old as friends.”

i get along well without you very well by billie holiday --- “i get along without you very well of course, i do except when soft rains fall and drip from leaves then i recall the thrill of being sheltered in your arms of course, i do but i get along without you very well i've forgotten you just like i should of course, i have except to hear your name or someone's laugh that is the same but i've forgotten you just like i should what a guy what a fool am i to think my breaking heart could kid the moon what's in store should i fall once more no, it's best that i stick to my tune.”

the breakup by lany --- “my momma always said, "hey take it slow" but how the hell do you fall in love? the last time i checked, you can't fall in slow mo you think you wanna be, you wanna be alone just wait until you're crying on the shower floor it hits you in the chest, 'bout every day you're done 'cause once you let it go, you better know it's gone ooh it's never the same, uh yeah, after the breakup ooh it's never the same, love don't try to make up.”

first love / late spring by mitski --- “wild women don't get the blues but i find that lately i've been crying like a tall child so please hurry leave me i can't breathe please don't say you love me one word from you and i would jump off of this ledge i'm on baby tell me "don't" so i can crawl back in and i was so young when i behaved twenty five yet now i find i've grown into a tall child.”

daylight by taylor swift --- “my love was as cruel as the cities i lived in everyone looked worse in the light there are so many lines that i've crossed, unforgiven i'll tell you truth, but never, "goodbye" i don't wanna look at anything else now that i saw you i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you i've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night and now i see daylight, i only see daylight.”

death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift --- “saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts flashbacks waking me up i get drunk, but it's not enough 'cause the morning comes and you're not my baby i look through the windows of this love even though we boarded them up chandelier still flickering here 'cause i can't pretend it's okay when it's not it's death by a thousand cuts i dress to kill my time i take the long way home i ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright they say, "i don't know" and what once was ours is no one's now i see you everywhere, the only thing we share is this small town you said it was a great love one for the ages but if the story's over, why am i still writing pages?”

[joe-mazzello-archive]

Agape - Chapter Two

A Joe Mazzello x Fem!Reader fic

Rating: 18+

Chapter Two

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, References to throwing up, Masturbation (f)

Word Count: 1790

A/N: The second half of this fic may be entirely based on my night the other night. Who’s to say.

Normally you spent the weeks leading up to a new project by yourself, studying anything you needed to study, watching footage of performances that would serve as inspiration, and taking the time to center yourself before spending weeks portraying someone else. But this time you found yourself cleaning your house and cooking as you prepped for company. You cursed under your breath as your phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. You snoozed the timer you had set, realizing you now only had about thirty minutes until people were due to arrive.

This was all Joe’s fault. You’re not sure why you gave in so easily to his pouting about the dumb meatballs. Although you did have to admit, you were looking forward to spending time with him outside of work again. Before your chemistry read with him, you hadn’t seen him in months. You did enjoy his company, and his chaotic nature usually led to some funny stories to tell later.

You checked on the food, the meatballs now continuing to cook in your homemade tomato sauce. You took a big whiff, inhaling the amazing scent. You took a lot of pride in your family’s recipe, and you always made sure to honor every step, down to the teaspoon. You turned the heat down low, allowing the meatballs and sauce to continue to stay warm until the guests arrived.

You weren’t expecting too many people. Joe was obviously attending, along with Aaron and their other friend Manny. You had invited Leah, as well as another castmate Briana, hoping to balance out the level of testosterone in the house. Briana had cancelled last minute, but luckily Leah planned on coming.

About twenty minutes later, your doorbell rang. You opened the door to reveal the three young males, each carrying a six-pack of beer. You leaned to the side of the door frame.

“You guys get a group rate or something?” you quipped before moving to allow the men to enter your house. Leah arrived a few moments later, holding a bottle of wine.

Drinks were poured, food was served, and laughs were had. As much as you had originally wanted to be alone prepping for production to start, you had to admit that you were enjoying your time. You found yourself feeling relaxed almost immediately, especially in the presence of such good company. After finishing dinner, the group spread out amongst the living room, with you finding a seat in the middle of the couch, sandwiched between Joe and Aaron. Stories were shared, from the boys talking about antics while filming Undrafted to you talking about drunken shenanigans from you and Aaron’s theatre days.

“So he’s holding on to my hair, drink in his hand while I puke up everything in my body--”

“I was like, ‘you do you, girl’,” Aaron adds, opening another beer.

“And once I was done I apparently stood up, struck a pose, and walked out of the bathroom and just continued dancing.” The group erupted in laughter at the story.

“She looked like a gymnast who just landed a flip. It was incredible,” Aaron continued, recreating the pose himself.

“I wish I remembered more of that night. It was insane,” you said, leaning back in your seat.

“Broadway parties sound like so much fun. Maybe I should rethink this whole LA thing,” Leah replied before taking a sip of wine.

“Oh yeah, it’s great...if you want to do more work and make less money,” you replied with a sigh. “But I do miss it sometimes.”

“All I know is that I’m looking forward to experiencing you drunk during our wrap party,” Joe inserted. You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“I see right through you, Mazzello. You’re determined to get me to sing karaoke with you and it’s not going to happen,” you said, poking Joe in the chest.

“We shall see,” he responded, taking a sip of his beer.

As the night started to wind down, you excused yourself to the kitchen to get a head start on cleaning up. You were sealing a tupperware container of leftovers when you sensed someone enter the kitchen behind you. You had a feeling you knew who it was, and you turned around to find your suspicions were correct.

“If I help you clean up, can I go home with some of those leftovers?” Joe asked, arms folded across his chest while standing in the door frame. You laughed, shook your head, and turned to reveal a second tupperware container before handing it to him.

“I had a feeling you’d want some. No helping required,” you said before turning back to the messy counter.

“Well too bad, I’m going to help you anyway. It’s the least I can do since I basically forced you to make these for me,” Joe countered as he set the container down and picked up a dirty dish. You smiled and decided not to put up a fight, and the two of you washed the remainder of the dishes in comfortable silence while the rest of your guests conversed in the other room.

After another hour of chatting, your guests decided to call it a night. You said exchanged goodbye hugs with each of them, thanking them for coming and while they thanked you for the hospitality.

Since you had gotten most of the cleaning done while your guests were still there, you didn’t have much to do besides settle in for the night. You elected to take a nice relaxing bath before bed, deciding to use one of the bath bombs you had picked up a few weeks back.

After turning on the water to start filling the tub, you got to work on making the scene even more relaxing. You lit a few candles around your bathroom and threw together a quick playlist of calming music. You grabbed a final glass of wine before shedding your clothes and heading into the bathroom.

Once the tub was full, you tossed your bath bomb in, let it fizzle a little, and climbed into the warm tub. The heat of the water immediately felt amazing and relaxed you almost instantly. As you sank into the tub, you let out a long sigh and got comfortable.

You sat in the tub for a good fifteen minutes, slowly sipping wine and enjoying the atmosphere around you. The music, the aromas, and the soft lighting were the perfect end to a good day.

You slid your hands down your thighs to feel the softness that the ingredients of the bath bomb were creating, and the touch got you a bit excited. To be fair, it had been a little while for you, so you were a little sensitive. You had broken up with your most recent ex a few months ago and had been on a dry spell since. You figured now, while you were settling down for the night, was as good a time as any to take care of yourself.

You worked your hand down to your crotch and gently ran your fingers over your slit. You started to draw little gentle circles around the area, taking it slow as you decided what to think about. You drifted up towards your clit and the first touch caused you to almost shiver; you were obviously very sensitive. It must have been awhile since you touched yourself, too. You began to stroke your clit a little harder while you closed your eyes and let your head fall back. You started to try to picture someone taking care of this for you. You got a little bit faster and harder with your rubs, starting to feel that familiar sensation building in your core. You pictured long fingers between your legs, touching you just how you liked it. You thought about someone’s lips along your neck and their skin on your skin. You thought about them whispering in your ear, their breath hot against the sensitive skin.

“Does that feel good, baby?”

“Oh, Joe,” you moaned out loud. Suddenly the smoke cleared and your redheaded co-star’s face filled your head. Your touch got faster and harder while you chased your pleasure, your mind imagining one person and one person only: Joseph Mazzello. You wondered how his lips would feel on yours. You thought about running your hands through his hair, yanking on it while he brought you closer to the edge. You imagined him plunging a finger inside of you and crooking it just the right way as he rubbed your clit mercilessly.

And suddenly you were coming against your own hand, hips bucking as you rode out the waves of pleasure.

Once you finally were able to catch your breath, reality smacked you in the face. Did you just masturbate to Joe Mazzello?

“Well shit,” you said out loud.

You didn’t spend much longer in the tub. You were too lost in your thoughts to appreciate the calmness of the room anymore. You dried off, blew out the candles, turned off the music, and opened the tub drain.

Towel wrapped around your body, you downed the rest of your glass of wine, your mind racing. Between how he made you blush the other day, how you gave in to his meatball request so easily, and your session just moments ago, it was safe to say you were starting to develop a crush.

You sighed to yourself. Predictable. You always developed crushes on your co-stars. What was it about actors in Hollywood that made you go weak in the knees so quickly? It happened every time. Part of it was definitely your attraction to talent; seeing someone perform art in any form was a huge turn on for you. But you were so tired of this.

Especially since in recent years it had affected your image. Your last four relationships were with people you met working on projects. After your last break-up, you saw several tabloids splashing your name and picture across their covers. “Another day, another break up with a co-star,” they wrote. You had tried not to let it get to you. But you saw how bad Taylor Swift was always treated when she jumped from relationship to relationship. You hated being seen in that light too. You hated that people were more focused on your social life than the work you were doing.

As you settled into bed, you tried to turn your attention to literally anything else. But your mind kept going back to Joe. His dumb smile. His dumb laugh. His dumb face. Ugh. You’ve always acknowledged the fact that he was attractive. But now you were seeing things you hadn’t seen before.

This project was going to be even more challenging than you thought.

[mirohed]

han jisung | better off dead (i’ll be juliet)

{ HAN JISUNG + GENDER NEUTRAL!READER }

zombie apocalypse au, college au, best friends to lovers

fluff, angst

10.5k

playlist / title insp (yes it’s a thg fansong from 8 years ago)

content warning: this work contains the following: copious amounts of swearing, the mention and underage consumption of alcohol, the mention and use of weapons (guns, knives, blunt weaponry), descriptions of violent acts, and character death. read at your own risk.

a/n: happy 100 (technically 107) days to me and jisung 💓💓 special thanks to @tyongu for screening this fic and giving me the motivation i needed to pick this fic back up from its 5 month long hiatus && to @offonoffs for being a fellow member of jisung nation & expressing interest in this fic ,, it means a lot. 

reviews are greatly appreciated !

You used to think that zombies weren't a realistic sort of monster—not as real as climate change or capitalism, anyway. They were better suited to being enjoyed from the comfort of your couch as you curled up with a bag of chips on a Friday night.

This, of course, all changes the night you get that fateful emergency alert.

You're at Chan's house when it happens. He's invited you and the rest of campus to his frat house for one of his famed end-of-semester ragers. He spots you not long after you enter, catching you in a one-armed embrace, full cup of beer in hand.

"Hey, glad you could make it! The night's still young, but Felix said he'd set his Switch up for some Smash up later. You should join them if you get the chance." A girl from your communications class (Ryujin?) calls out to him, waving him to join her and a few unfamiliar faces for a game of beer pong. "Sorry, duty calls. If you ever get tired of the beer, you know where to find the good stuff," he says, shooting you some quasi-finger guns and leaving you to fend for yourself.

You slip past a few couples pushing themselves up against the walls on your way to the kegs, and fill a cup of your own. Minho's there, leaned against the refrigerator and taking small sips of his drink. "Surprised you haven't switched to Woojin's vodka yet," you joke.

"Usually, I have no qualms about...sampling, but taking from him's a death wish." Taking another sip, he grimaces. "If that means putting up with the cheap shit all night, I'll take it." You mumbled an "amen," knocking your matching red cups together in a toast. You both regretted the swig you took.

"Yeah, I can't do this." You dump the shitty alcohol in the drain. "You know where Jisung is?"

"No clue."

"Damn. Well, if you manage to find something to sample, give me a call. I'm gonna go find him."

You scour the entire first level of the house, weaving through clouds of marijuana and vaguely cotton-candy scented vape juice. Unfortunately, your best friend is nowhere to be found. You don’t bother trying his phone; if he was drunk (which he probably was), all you’d get in response would be unintelligible cheers as he “gets his party on.” You ask around for a bit, but each new set of directions sounds more ridiculous than the last. (You're still not sure if Yukhei was drunk and fucking with you or being completely serious when he said Jisung wasn't at the party at all. You wouldn’t be surprised either way.)

You call it quits after about a half hour, trudging upstairs and feeling both hungry and a little sorry for yourself. Sure, you had other friends, but the one person you wanted to get wasted with was nowhere to be found.

As you head upstairs, you notice the bathroom door is wide open. A glance to your left is all it takes to see Hyunjin kneeling on the bathroom tile, puking his guts out as Jisung rubs his back in a feeble attempt to provide comfort. You make eye contact with Jisung, and he nods his head in the direction of Chan's room at the end of the hall. "'Lix set the Switch up, but Hyunjin's busy being a lightweight." He shoots Hyunjin a withering look, but Hyunjin's too preoccupied to notice. "Take over for me? He picked Isabelle, and we both know how bad I get my ass kicked when he does," he grumbles, helping Hyunjin stand on both legs. "We'll join you guys in a few."

You're planning your victory against Felix (Jisung probably picked Lucario for the "cool factor," which didn’t mean much when all he did in rounds was button mash and hope for the best) when your phone goes off, loud and insistent. Jisung's goes off less than a second later, with Hyunjin's buzzing on the bathroom counter. Based on the way Felix pokes his head out of the door, phone in hand, you can only assume he got it too.

The official alert glares up at you, a few simple sentences in all capital letters.

EMERGENCY ALERT

ZOMBIE OUTBREAK. THE DISEASE IS CONTAGIOUS. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

You exchange a look with Jisung and Felix, all seeming to share one thought: This is bad. You had heard news of this disease before; highly contagious, with nonspecific symptoms that were often misdiagnosed until it was too late and necrosis set in. Scientists had found out that it was a mutation of a disease that was supposed to have been eradicated a century ago. 

Even people that were updated with their vaccinations could catch it; it was transferable via bodily fluids. If someone infected so much as got a drop of saliva or sweat on you, you were at risk.  ("Just goes to show you what happens when people don't vaccinate their fuckin' kids," Minho had said, changing the channel to a rerun of Friends.)

Chan shuts the party down, kicking everyone sober enough to walk out and housing the wasted. He urges them all to find shelter and head for safety as he waves them out. "Listen, if you ever need anything, I'm just a call away," he tells you as you return to your dorm.

Seungmin, the frat's designated driver for the night (that’s a lie—it was supposed to be Changbin, but he conveniently “forgot” and left the job to Seungmin), gives you a ride back at Jisung's request. ("I'm not letting you walk back and get infected," he had insisted, arms crossed.)

The first thing you do after getting home is call him. You spend most of the video call packing your bags, just in case, tossing cans and clothes into the biggest bags you can find.

"I'm starting to think those apocalypse planners had the right idea," you say, trying to cram another bottle of water into your bag. "I could use an apocalypse bunker right about now."

Jisung dries his freshly washed hair, draping the towel around his neck. "Maybe we should beg them for shelter."

"Maybe."

“Remember when we had that plan to build our own bunker back in high school? I wish we never threw those plans away.”

“Wasn’t it you that was like ‘we’re never gonna use these, what’s the point?’” you tease, voice dropping an octave to mock Jisung. “I, for one, always thought they were a good idea.”

“But you let me throw them away!” You put down the shirt you’re folding and plug your ears, shouting that you can’t hear him. He calls you a child, but the conversation makes you feel better about what might happen after tonight.

You’ll be fine, you tell yourself as you lie awake that night. This is just in case things go to shit.

Surprise, surprise, it doesn’t even take a full week before things go to shit.

"Get in!" Jisung shouts, driving down the road at a reasonable enough speed for you to keep up with. You don't bother asking why he has a horde of zombies chasing (hobbling, really) after him. Instead, you sprint behind him, tossing your bags into the truck bed before leaping on yourself.

"Where'd you come from?" you ask, panting as he hits the gas and barrels down the road. There are a few bags, full to bursting, in the trunk with you. "The city?"

"Yeah. We're going back." Your head cranes to look at him from the glass window at the back of his hand-me-down pickup truck in surprise. "Felix is out there somewhere, and we're not leaving him behind. Chan took the others, and we're meeting up with them after we pick 'Lix up. I called Chan earlier, so the cell towers should still be up by the time we get there."

"Can't we meet him halfway? No offense, but if we go back, we're gonna fucking die."

There's no compromise. The ride's silent, save the wind whistling in your ears as Jisung drives as fast as he can (it takes him awhile to realize he can go way over the speed limit; what are the cops gonna do, stop him?) Going back might not be a bad idea anyway; he needs more fuel to keep his truck up and running, and you don’t know about him, but you’re not exactly prepared to hunker down for the long term.

It's absolute chaos in the city. Buildings burn in the distance, smoke billowing out into otherwise clear blue skies. Corpses of the undead (who are now, with any luck, actually dead) litter the streets. People have already gone feral, welcomed the lawlessness of the new world with open arms. You turn down familiar streets and see families in a hurry to leave their homes and get out of the city as fast as possible.

"You stay here," Jisung says, parking across the street from the nearest megamart. You can barely make out the action going on outside the store, but you don't think there'll be much left for Jisung to take by the time he gets there. "Call Felix. I'm gonna see what I can take."

You sit on the roof of the truck, Jisung's worn old baseball bat (now outfitted with barbed wire) in hand. Trying not to cut yourself on the sharp edges, you call Felix.

"Hello?"

"Oh, thank god. I was scared the cell towers were already down. Where are you?"

"I made it to the outskirts of the city. There's a house up here. Jisung'll know where it is, we come up here all the time.”

“Alright. You doing okay?”

“Yeah, just a little shaken up, of course,” he laughs. “Didn’t think this was how I’d be spending my time after finals.” You murmur an agreement, and he continues talking. “Don't waste your battery, alright? See you guys soon." He hangs up, and your fingers itch with the urge to text someone, make another call, but Felix was right. It's not like Instagram's up right now; everyone's got bigger things to worry about.

After what feels like an eternity, Jisung comes running with a full backpack and...a suitcase?

"Where's Felix?" he pants, handing you the heavy suitcase and tossing the backpack in the back of the truck.

"He's in a house on the outskirts of the city? He told me you'd know where it was."

"Should've known. We gotta haul ass, though—I might've pissed off, like, a ton of people." Your eyes widen; there is, in fact, a group of angry people headed your way as you take a seat in the truck bed. Jisung floors it before any of them come close, letting them eat his dust.

“Where is this house anyway?” You’re yelling over the wind, but Jisung catches it nonetheless.

“The frat’s been going there for years, I heard. It’s some tradition to get shitfaced there for initiation, so we all had to go and drink whatever Minho gave us. I must’ve blacked out, because I barely remember it. We go up there sometimes, when we need to get away.”

You leave the city and go off-road, running over new grass. There's a house you've never seen before at the top of a small hill, and it's there that you see Felix. He's managed to attract one of the damn things, but he's definitely holding his own against it, landing a few impressive roundhouse kicks on it. He's whacking at it with a metal rod when you drive up the hill, but the zombie catches on and turns it into a game of tug-of-war.

Wrenching the rod away, he returns to kicking at it, staggering the zombie with one good hit to the ribs.

But the zombie seems to have caught on to that too, and it's as you pull up to the house that it grabs onto his leg and sinks his teeth into him. Felix cries out, his skin punctured and blood dripping onto the grass underfoot. He tries to yank his leg back, but can’t seem to summon the strength, his other leg hopping about to maintain balance.

Now that he's injured, the zombie drags Felix closer, clawing at his head before—

You can't watch, and neither can Jisung. There’s a sickening crunch, and you squeeze your eyes shut.

The next thing you see is Jisung running the fucker over. A distant part of you wonders if that's bad for the car, but it doesn't feel like you're there in the moment at all.

It's like you're watching the whole thing from a third-person view. You see yourself leap from the truck bed as soon as Jisung shifts the truck into park. You can almost see the seed of unease, of we're-so-screwed begin to sprout in the pit of your stomach. 

You can’t tear your eyes from Felix’s body. He’s lying face down (thankfully), but he’s stained the grass red, his leg twisted at an odd angle. You can make out the scratches along the side of his cheek from here, skin broken and bleeding. 

It’s red. It’s all red. Everywhere you look, it’s—

And then you're back in your own body, throwing the car door open to yell at him. "You fuckin' idiot!" you hiss. "Why'd you do that?" Definitely not the right thing to say, but you can't take anything back now.

"What do you think? I killed it before it could kill us." He ventures into the house, purposefully shoving past you with a harsh bump of his shoulder. You follow despite his clipped tone and tense shoulders. Together, you loot the house. Jisung seems to know where everything is, handing you everything from bags of chips stored away to bottles of whiskey. (You're about to ask about the alcohol when he mutters "Molotov." You figure it's not the only use they've got.)

You come upon Felix's pack. It's the backpack he used during the school year, most of the space taken up by his clothes. Jisung shoulders the bag wordlessly before turning to leave. All you can do is follow behind.

You watch the sun set as the busted speakers play some playlist he must have put together. (You admit it'd be a good road trip playlist if not for the fact that you were in the middle of the zombie apocalypse.) His knuckles are white against the wheel, and part of you wants to talk about what happened, but you take one look at his clenched jaw and hold your tongue.

Night falls. The two of you camp out in some crop-bearing fields. He starts a fire and speaks for the first time in hours.

"Do you want to take the first shift or should I?" He's looking right at you, but there's none of the usual light in his eyes. 

You think that when Felix died, part of Jisung died with him. 

You end up taking the first shift, judging time based on the occasional glance at your phone. You keep an eye and an ear out, watching the fire frame Jisung's sleeping face in subtle orange.

He doesn't want to talk about it, you tell yourself. And who would? You're not exactly eager to bring the topic up yourself. You lean back on your hands as you try to think of anything except what happened to Felix.

Before long, you nudge him awake. He's a little disgruntled, but you bug him until he sits up. "Yeah, yeah. I'm up. Get some rest." You curl up in the sleeping bag (Felix's sleeping bag, but you're still trying not to think about it) and shut your eyes.

The fire crackles lowly. You hear Jisung's bones crack as he stretches. You don't sleep.

When you crack your eyes open after god knows how long, the sky is still dark. "Can't sleep?"

"What do you think?" The corner of his mouth quirks up, just a bit. You swear you hear a faint chuckle. "You know we have to keep going, right? Without..."

"You can just say it, you know. Without Felix. Without our best friend."

"Yeah. Without our best friend." You cast the sleeping bag aside, staring at the flames. He pats the grass next to him, and you crawl over to his side. When he wraps an arm over your shoulder, traces meaningless patterns and letters into your arm, you don't complain. Maybe you even lean into his touch, knowing that it might be you and Jisung versus the world for awhile.

You think you're fine with that.

When the sun rises, you and Jisung make plans to meet up with Chan and the others; there's some safety to be found in numbers, after all. Neither of you mention having to tell them what happened to Felix.

Jisung calls Chan. Then Minho. Then Woojin. Then Seungmin. Then Changbin. Then Jeongin, who's still in his last year of high school, but is an unofficial member of the fraternity regardless. Then, as a last resort, he calls Hyunjin. Nobody picks up. Changbin and Minho's phones don't even ring, instead kicking him straight to voicemail. "Maybe their phones died," you offer.

"Disappointed, but not surprised." He pockets his phone with a huff. "The cell towers are probably down. How's the radio?" You've been playing with the radio while Jisung tried calling his friends, trying to find a signal.

"I'm about to rip out the stupid dial and crush the damn thing under my foot, but other than that I'm good," you snipe, throwing him a look and a fake smile. You turn the dial all the way in one direction, more than a little annoyed at all the static you seem to be catching. To your surprise, you hear broken, unintelligible chatter. You move the radio between you two, chasing after the signal.

"-vivors...proceed to... -ary base...infec... -on entry...supplies will be rationed...gates will close once maximum capacity has been reached." The message cuts out less and less as you fiddle with the radio, and once you wait for the announcement to repeat, the full message plays.

"Attention, all survivors. If possible, we ask that you proceed to the nearest military base or encampment. The military will be on patrol to execute zombies and the infected as well as rescue clean civilians and bring them to the nearest base. All civilians will be checked for infection upon entry and routinely throughout their stay. Supplies will be rationed for as long as possible. Gates will close once maximum capacity has been reached."

You and Jisung exchange a look as the message plays once more. When he breaks into a wide grin, you mirror it with a smile of your own. "We're saved!" he cheers, wrapping you in a big hug and knocking the radio on its side. You relax in his embrace, sighing into it. You don't make any moves to break the hug, and neither does he, even after it stretches on longer than a hug between friends should.

"One problem…” you start, voice muffled as you speak into his shirt, “where's the nearest military base?"

There’s a small hospital up ahead, the white building stark against all the browns and greens you two have been seeing the past few days. “Should we check it out?” Jisung asks, eyes flitting to you. “You never know when we’d need medicine or bandages.” 

“No. Before you ask why, I know we’re gonna run into zombies. I can feel it in my bones.” Jisung flattens his lips into a straight line, clearly unhappy with your verdict.

“Your bones don’t know shit.”

“Picture this: first semester of our freshman year of college, right before midterms. You’re barely passing your world history class because you don’t go to lecture. I help you cram for two days straight and tell you I can feel you getting an A in my bones,” you say, clenching your fist to emphasize your point. “When you get your midterm results back, you got an A, not only on the test…”

“...but in the class,” Jisung finishes with a roll of his eyes. “Okay, fair point. But what if you got hurt and I couldn’t save you because I didn’t have the medicine for it?” He’s pulling into the parking lot, but doesn’t shift the truck into park. You can still talk him out of it.

“Then you just let me die? It’s not that deep. Like yeah, it’d suck, but at that point there’d be nothing you could do.” 

His voice is so earnest that it forces your eyes to snap to him. “We both know I can’t do that.” There’s something behind his words, an undercurrent carrying a feeling you can’t name. Carding dirty nails through his hair, he gnaws on his bottom lip. “I think I’m gonna risk it. Besides, it’s out in the middle of nowhere. I doubt there’ll be too many zombies. You sure you don’t wanna come with?”

He stares at you, and you groan, giving in. “God, park the truck somewhere more discreet. We both know I’m gonna have to bail your ass out anyway,” you sigh, opening the glove compartment and withdrawing the knife Jisung had nabbed from the frat house’s kitchen. “Might as well come with and save myself the trouble of going in there to find you.”

“That’s the spirit,” he grins, and you feel like you’ve been played.

The inside of the hospital’s dark and completely devoid of that sterile scent you don’t want to admit you liked. Instead, there’s a musty smell that pervades the building, and your nose wrinkles as you take deep breaths in an attempt to get yourself acclimated to it. “Stay close to me,” you tell him. “I don’t want you wandering off.”

“You think I’m gonna get lost? What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

He doesn’t respond, instead muttering something under his breath. “Whatever. Let’s see if we can find something.”

You creep along the corridors, breathing as light as possible. The whole hospital seems to be moth-eaten and abandoned, but you’re not sure if you and Jisung are alone or not. The rooms you enter are a mixed bag; you manage to get to the small cafeteria and bag some soon-to-be stale chips as well as several bottles of water, but you don’t get much in the way of medicine.

“Where do they keep all the medicine anyway?” you ask, turning away from the spoiled ice cream in the mini freezer, nose wrinkled. The light bulb goes off in Jisung’s head, and he smacks his face with his hand.

“The pharmacy. They keep the medicine at the pharmacy.” You take a water bottle and make as if you’re going to whack him with it when you hear a noise. Both you and Jisung tense at the clattering of equipment from outside the cafeteria. You two stick your heads out the door, Jisung scanning the left side and you scanning the right. The coast looks clear, so Jisung leads the way out the way you came.

You’re almost home free when you spot a zombie ambling about at the end of the hall, back turned to you. Jisung holds up his palm, signalling for you to stop moving. “Okay, what now?” you ask.

“It’s just one zombie,” he starts. “Give me the knife, I got this.” He hands you the backpack with everything you’ve looted, and you hesitate before giving him the only weapon you two have. He sneaks up on the zombie, getting closer and closer…

And then it rears its ugly head, letting out an ugly gurgling noise that scares the shit out of you. One arm’s in a sling and the other hangs limp; you don’t think broken arm would bother the undead too much. It charges, quicker than either of you were expecting (did zombies that were athletic as humans keep that athleticism?) and almost smothers Jisung, who loses his balance and falls hard on his hands. He manages to roll to the side in time for it to knock its head against the smooth tile floor.

“Change of plans,” he says, zombies dressed in scrubs and hospital gowns alike beginning to come out from the corner of the hall, “we’re leaving!” You help him up, slamming your heel on the neck of the zombie that almost attacked Jisung. There’s a satisfying crunch, and then you two are off, turning corner after corner trying to escape. 

You don’t stop running until your feet hit cement instead of tile. You don’t stop moving until you’re both in the truck, trying to catch your breath. “You were right,” his voice is shaky, and you take his hand in yours, squeeze it in an attempt to calm him down. “We shouldn’t have gone.”

Even after his breathing returns to normal, he doesn’t let go of your hand.

You're not sure when things start to change between you and Jisung. Maybe it's when you catch yourself staring at him as he drives, right hand on the wheel and the left resting on the lowered window. (He insisted on keeping the windows down as much as possible; the air conditioning in his truck was busted, “just like the rest of the damn thing.”)

Maybe it's when you stop bothering with arguments over who takes the couch and who takes the bed. You've slept in the same bed before, sure, but that was when you were children. You remember the night it started, not long after the trip to the hospital:

You wake up with fingers already tangled in the sheets, a cold sheen of sweat on your forehead. Every blink of your eyes treats you to the sight that haunted your nightmares: Felix, one of your best friends, with eyes gouged out and flesh hanging from his cheek as he opens his mouth so wide his jaw unhinges. His tongue sits lamely in his bloody mouth as he lets loose an unending wail—

You can’t stay here. You force yourself out of bed and find Jisung still awake, staring down at his hands in the darkness. He seems to hear you coming, because he says, “You too?” before you’re even in the living room proper.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it?” He feels around for the lantern that was left behind when the former residents evacuated and flicks it on, the warm yellow light a welcome sight. You both take a seat on the couch Jisung had been sleeping on as you try to find the words to describe your nightmare.

“It was Felix. We were at school and I...I saw him from behind, and it’s like we were all alright again. I was calling out to him from across campus, but he couldn’t hear me. Then I turned him around and then…” You shudder, and Jisung’s quick to wrap the blanket he took for himself around you. “He looked like he did after that day we found him. His mouth wouldn’t stop opening. I-” You don’t even notice your hands are shaking until he takes them in his own.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “Take your time.”

“I miss him, Jisung. I miss when the three of us would fuck around and spend all our money on food and video games and have to cram just to pass our classes. I miss having to kick his ass in Smash because you never could. I miss our group calls where we make fun of him for playing Fortnite because it’s not relevant anymore.” 

“I know,” he shushes, pulling you into his arms. “I miss him too. He was in my dream, at the very beginning.” He tucks your head under his chin. “It was the night of the party and he told me not to do something stupid because I could lose you. Next thing I knew, we were at the hospital and it was you facing those zombies and not me. They,” he swallows heavily, “they got you. All I did was stand there. And then I was all alone.” You stay silent, twisting the ends of his hair between your fingers.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss college.”

“You and me both.” Before long, you switch the lantern off, breathing becoming steady. Your eyes get heavier and heavier until you let yourself fall into a deep sleep.

Sleeping by his side wills away most of the nightmares. You get the best rest you've gotten since the night it all started, so good that after that night, you rarely sleep apart.

(You ignore the twinge of...something in your heart when you wake up first. There's something about his sleeping face that makes him look at peace, something about the way his arms snake around you as soon as you lie down next to him, that makes you feel something you think you shouldn't be feeling.)

"Do you think we'll make it?" he asks one night. You're both sitting cross-legged in the back of his truck, taking inventory. He picked up a map from one of the houses you've been squatting in on the way; you're halfway to the base. "Survive, I mean. Not just long enough to get to the fort, but...you know. In general." You glance up from the knife in your hands, humming.

"I hope so. Besides," you start, dragging the knife along the sharpening stone, "we've made it through everything so far, haven't we?"

"Yeah," he says, the corner of his mouth quirking up a bit, "we have." The stars wink down at you as you work under the light of the moon and a small lantern. With any luck, things will get better once you've reached the safety of the base.

You open and close the drawers of the house you and Jisung have stopped at to gather supplies, trying to find something to take with you. The house hasn't been ransacked yet (or at least, you don't think so; the locks were in place and everything looked tidy before you broke in), but the owners sure did a good job of clearing the place out. No canned goods, no bottles of water, nothing except for some office supplies and a worrying amount of rubber duckies in the bathroom.

The lights are all off, and you're pretty sure that the house's supply of running water ran out a long time ago. The midsummer heat makes your clothes stick to your skin just as uncomfortably as the duct tape you and Jisung have taken to wearing along your arms and legs. After what happened at the hospital, Jisung didn’t want to take any risks, no matter how much you both sweat under the adhesive.

You're poring over the drawers in the bathroom when your eyes get drawn to a small box in the corner of your vision. It's a little beat up, but the saccharine pink and white box grins up at you all the same. You're not quite sure what use Hello Kitty bandaids would serve—they're not even that big, really, the most they could do is patch up a paper cut—but you do know they'd make Jisung smile.

And if you're being honest, you've come to miss that smile. It's been hard to come by recently.

Nobody breathes a word about the change in dynamic. There's no angsty "what are we" talk that threatens both your friendship and your budding relationship. It's just you and Jisung, the same as it's always been. 

You get used to resting your head on his lap, to having his hand interlaced with yours as he drives. You throw away the excuse of sleeping together “to get rid of the nightmares” (though that’s still a very compelling reason). The word boyfriend is always on the tip of your tongue, but at this point, labels like that don’t mean much.

You learn to enjoy the little things, the way the blues and blacks of night fade into pinks and purples with streaks of pale orange to greet the world each morning. You learn to enjoy the little things, like the weight of Jisung’s head on your shoulder as you run your thumb down the side of his hand. It’s humbling, you think, how the sun rises and sets, how the world keeps spinning despite it all. No matter how much has changed, some things stay the same.

”You ever realize how insignificant we are?” you ask one morning, eyes focused on the sky above. “Life goes on, with or without us.”

”Yeah,” he shifts to look up at you from his place in the crook of your neck, “but you know what?” You hum as the birds begin chirping, signifying the start of the day, eyes closed as you bask in the morning glow. “I don’t think I could ever feel too insignificant when I’m with you.”

You scoot away, causing Jisung to start whining. “We’re in the middle of the zombie apocalypse and you’re flirting with me?” you scoff, incredulous.

“And you’re surprised?” He’s got this cheeky smile on his stupid face that you swear makes the world, your world, a better place. You lean in, pressing your lips to his for just a second. With your eyes closed, it feels like you’re a normal couple watching the sun rise on a normal world. It feels like nothing is wrong, and you’re right where you’re meant to be.

You’re digging through your backpack to find the beat up paperback you were planning to finish reading and use as fuel for the occasional fires you and Jisung would light when camping out when a set of Polaroids fall out of your bag. You’d crammed them in there long before the thought of a zombie apocalypse ever crossed your mind. There’s one that catches your eye from the night you celebrated your joint graduation with Jisung. (Seungmin and Hyunjin went to different high schools, and Felix was still in Australia at this point; you’d meet all of them on the day of orientation.)

It was the largest party you’ve ever been to, with your families and your friends taking up all the parking in the neighborhood. Avoiding awkward conversation with aunties and uncles was your specialty, and you spent much of the night dodging questions like “So what are you planning to major in?” and “Are you dating that Jisung kid?” 

There were drinks in the cooler that you were expressly told not to touch (not like that stopped you both from sneaking out two beers and chugging them in your room, away from prying eyes), music playing from the Bluetooth speaker you’d never used, and laughter everywhere you looked. 

“Can’t believe we’re adults now,” you said, one arm dangling off the side of your bed. “Feels like I only met you yesterday.” You set the bottle down on your carpet, eyes focused on your ceiling fan as it did its rotations.

“I’m glad we’re going to the same college,” he confessed, setting his bottle on your nightstand before you barked at him to put it on the carpet lest the condensation damage the wood. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Jisung’s parents had brought out a cake, the icing congratulating you two on graduating from high school. All eyes were on you as you held the knife just above the cake, and you felt weightless as the blade divvied up the dessert.

“Wait, I wanna do it too,” Jisung whispered, bumping shoulders with you.

“What? No, this is my house.”

“Well, my parents were the ones who bought the cake!”

You try to think of a retort, but when none comes, you hand him the knife. “Here. Don’t mess it up.”

“I never mess up,” he said as you took the biggest chunk of cake for yourself. You watched him cut the cake into what were initially equal portions, but grew less and less balanced as the cake went on.

“See,” you told him once the cake was all gone, “what’d I tell you?” You take a dollop of the cake’s whipped cream and planted it on his nose.  “You never listen, Han Jisung.” 

It’s then that a flash went off, stunning you both. Yeji grinned as she handed you the developing Polaroid. “Save it for the wedding,” she joked. (It makes you sad to know that although you stayed relatively close in high school, you lost touch in college. You smile when you see each other on campus, but it’s not the same.)

“What are you looking at?” Jisung asks, pulling you back to the present. You stare down at the image, the almost child-like smiles on your faces. It feels like a lifetime ago, when things were easier and the unknown was something you thought you were ready for.

“Remember our grad party?” He takes one look at the picture and you swear you see the lines of stress on his forehead fade away as he laughs at the face he’s making in the photograph.

“God, I miss those days.”

"There it is." The base stands tall, barbed wire promising shelter from the uncertainty of whether you'd spend the day forced to fight for your life or not. You drum your fingers on your thighs as you approach the entrance, chest full to bursting with anticipation. You're half listening to Jisung's stupid hour-long playlist, half relieved that you managed to find a base so close.

He stops at the gate, waiting for a guard to emerge and check you two for signs of infection. He takes your hand in his, squeezing it tight. This is it, the gesture says, we're gonna be okay.

You wait.

You wait some more.

Your hands get sweaty.

"Is anyone there? You'd think for a military base, they'd have someone come out by now." Jisung turns the volume of the car speakers all the way down. He's met with the noises of his truck's engine...and an incessant scratching at the gate.

Exchanging a look, you hop out of the car and try to peek through the slits of the covered chain-link fence. Your first mistake is getting too close; they all seem to catch your scent and greet you with a chorus of grunts and groans as the horde focuses their attention on you.

Your second mistake is looking too closely at who's behind the fence. You make eye contact with the husk of a man, a glazed look in his eyes and skin broken along one side of his face from where he’s been clawing at it. He's dressed in all black, and when you take a second glance (you really shouldn't have), you realize he looks like someone you know. You're almost certain that if he smiled, you'd see dimples. You're almost certain that if you could see his hair—torn out in clumps, his scalp bloody—it would be curly since he wouldn't have access to a straightener in the middle of nowhere.

"Chan?" you whisper. There's no response, but a taller figure pushes into him, forcing his way to the front. When his mouth opens, all you can see are swollen, bloody gums and blackening teeth from weeks of neglect. Despite that, you know exactly who this is. You've tag-teamed toilet duty with Jisung at enough parties to know what Hyunjin's neck and back look like as he lurches forward, trying to ram the gate. "Oh shit." Felix and Jisung did say that Chan took the rest of the boys somewhere, didn't they?

That conversation feels like a lifetime ago, when the term "zombie apocalypse" was just the name of an overdone genre. It was better suited to being viewed from the comfort of your couch on a Friday night and Han Jisung by your side to complain about the shitty effects and act like he wouldn't need to sleep over because he'd get too scared to drive home.

You creep back to the truck, taking slow steps backward to avoid alerting the horde more than you already have. Releasing a heavy breath when you slip into the passenger seat, you try not to think about what you saw. Jisung looks at you expectantly, and you can't bring yourself to break his heart even more. He's already lost his best friend; you don't have the heart to tell him that the rest of his friends, his found family, are most likely locked behind that gate as well.

"You okay? What'd you find?"

"Just some zombies, nothing important. Let's go."

The first time you kill a zombie with a gun, it doesn't end well.

Sure, the deed is done and the zombie's dead (like really, fully dead), but it's what comes after that sucks.

You’re on a supply run, a hunting rifle you jacked from an abandoned house in your hands. You guess the house must not have been as abandoned as you thought, since there are two zombies in front of you and Jisung. You've come to notice that zombies get slobbery. The sight of decomposing flesh slick with saliva isn't very appealing, and that's not including the stench of it all. 

No matter which way you slice it, eau de zombie just isn't for you.

You don't have much experience when it comes to firing a gun. (Or any experience, really.) But you figure it's an aim-and-shoot sort of situation, right? You've seen Felix play video games before, and he's always made it seem simple. So you line the barrel of the gun up with their heads and pull the trigger. One. Two. Three.

The shots echo, and for a moment, you feel on top of the world as the first zombie falls backwards, blood oozing from the bullet's exit hole.

But in that moment, you also realize that recoil is a bitch when you're not prepared, and the second shot misses the other one entirely, the gun skewed too far to the left. You stumble back into the kitchen island, but Jisung's quick enough on his feet to decapitate the remaining zombie without much trouble.

"Hey, you know what I remembered?" he asks, wiping zombie blood from his brow.

"What?"

"Guns make noise."

"Yeah, no—shit." With those gunshots, you gave away your location to any unfriendly forces, human or not.

"You don't think zombies have working ears, do you?" You hit the kitchen with renewed vigor, gathering some essentials—a few knives, some canned goods left behind—and set the rifle down.

"I don't wanna find out. And even if they don't, other humans sure as hell do." He turns the house upside down looking for more bullets. If there is a higher power out there, you guess they must be looking out for you, because the former owners of the house left their safe unlocked. You decide to relieve them of their two pistols and every bit of ammunition you can get your hands on.

Of course, if there is a higher power out there, you guess they must be fucking with you, because minutes after getting back on the road, you hear the roaring of motorcycle engines. They surround Jisung's truck, and their leader stares you both down before yanking his black mask down and rapping two knuckles on the window Jisung forgot to roll down.

"You two should've known better than to wander 'round here," he tuts, running a finger through his hair. "So young, too. Almost makes me feel bad for what I'm about to do." To one of his cronies, he barks, "Mingi! Take what's in the trunk." You don't see this Mingi person, but you feel the truck get weighed down as he leaps on and loots everything worth taking. "Don't take it personally. At the end of the day, it's all about survival. I've got eight mouths to feed, and you've only got two. Only makes sense that we should, ah...relieve you of some of that weight you’re carrying."

Jisung's fuming, fists clenched in his lap, but you know he sees the guns slung along their backs and holstered at their hips and stays silent. The pistols you two picked up are in the glove compartment, and the ammo's strategically buried underneath a pile of clothes at your feet. It's okay, you try to tell him, meeting his eyes. We prepared for this.

One of the leader's other cohorts pulls his own black mask down and whispers into the leader's ear. When he's given permission to speak, the young man looks straight at Jisung and asks, "Are you Han Jisung?"

"Who's asking?" Jisung shoots you a look, but you can only shrug in response.

"There was a group of guys looking for their friend. Their description matched your face, but I guess it doesn't matter now. They went to the base a couple miles south." The young man nods in the direction of the base you were at only a couple days before. "Probably more undead than alive at this point."

"What...do you mean by that?"

"He means," their leader snaps, "that the military base down south got infected. Don't know when. But it was a group of seven, led by some guy named Chad or Chan or something. We tried to get 'em to join, but they were deadset on finding shelter.” He snorts. “Their funeral."

Mingi's finished taking your things, so the leader and the younger man (you catch his name when the leader calls out to him—Wooyoung?) pull on their masks and take off, leaving you and Jisung in the middle of the road. He's silent again, driving down the vast expanse of nothingness with only his playlist to serve as background noise.

"Where to now?" you try, eyes searching his face to gauge his reaction.

"Did you know?" It's a whisper you almost don't hear over the wind in your ears.

"Did I know what?"

"Did you know that they were..." He doesn't finish his sentence. The way your mouth clamps shut, gaze falling to your lap, tells him everything he needs to know.

His grip tightens on the wheel, and you jolt forward when he comes to an abrupt halt, throwing open the door and walking off, slamming it behind him. "Jisung?" You follow him out, but he whirls around to face you, face scrunched as he crooks a finger in your direction.

"You lied to me!"

"Look-"

"I fucking trusted you! You were the only person I had left! I saw my best friend get murdered with my own two fucking eyes!” He’s blinking back tears as he shouts at you. “I've spent god knows how long hoping that the rest of my friends were alive, and the fact that you saw them on that base...the fact that you fucking lied to me..." He takes a deep breath, eyes screwed shut. It’s silent for a long time. His shoulders loosen, hands falling flat, but when he opens his eyes, you feel a chill run down your spine. He's built a concrete wall between you two, locking you out with four simple words: "You're on your own."

"Jisung, what-"

"You heard me." The sentence is curt. He's wiped away years of friendship and whatever romance you might've had all in one fell swoop. (But maybe you did that yourself when you lied to him.) "You're on your own." He enunciates each syllable as clearly as possible, lacing them with as much venom as possible. You wither under his gaze.

He tosses one of the pistols at your feet. No extra ammo; you only get what's already loaded. He drives off without you, and you're left with nothing but the bag you packed that first night, a pistol, and the clothes on your back.

So yeah, the first time you kill a zombie with a gun, it doesn't end well.

You learn how to get by alone, rationing what's left in your bag and clinging to the shadows to avoid a fight. You learn to ignore the rumble in your stomach in favor of focusing on other things, like the distant noise of motorcycles. (You hold your breath when you hear them, pray they don't come close. They’ve taken enough from you already.)

It's lonely. You and Jisung might not have always agreed on everything, but the weight of solitude, real solitude, drags you down like a ball and chain fastened to your ankles, making each step forward unbearable. Some nights, you see his truck parked in the distance, in the garage of old houses or partially masked by foliage. You want to approach him, beg for forgiveness, beg for what you had back.

Instead you tiptoe past, giving the vehicle a wide berth.

You spend some mornings thumbing through the rest of the Polaroids you have. Most of them (unsurprisingly) are of you and Jisung. There’s one of him posing in front of the most expensive cheesecake shop in town (he’d been drooling at the window displays for weeks), one of you facing the ocean, back turned to the camera (you begged him to go for spring break), and one Hyunjin took of you two playing beer pong at one of the frat’s many parties (you were never quite sure why drunk Jisung had better aim than sober Jisung; you ended up losing these matches).

You don’t know why you do it. You know that taking a trip down memory lane is the single worst thing to be doing, but you do it anyway. Maybe you’re lonely. Maybe you miss Jisung. 

Maybe you miss yourself.

The next time you see Jisung, you're in a convenience store infested with zombies. You weren't planning to enter, having heard the tell-tale noises of confrontation, but you caught a glimpse of who was doing the fighting and couldn't walk away.

Jisung's backed up against a corner, trying to beat away the zombies surrounding him with a hatchet. (Keyword being trying: he's just one guy against five disgusting bags of meat trying to kill him.) You see blood all over him, dripping onto the floor, and decide to intervene. He should be grateful when you bash their heads in with his barbed baseball bat, left discarded across the store, but—

"I had that under control."

"Jisung, I-"

"Save it." He wipes the blade of the hatchet on the ragged pants of one of the creatures that attacked him. "Thanks. And keep the bat. You look like you need it."

"Jisung, just listen to me."

"What could you possibly have to say to me? The damage has been done."

"I was trying to protect you!" He rolls his eyes, and you're worried he'll walk away, but his feet stay planted. "How was I supposed to tell you that all your friends got infected, huh? How do you tell someone that? Hell, I wasn't even sure if it was them!" He refuses to meet your gaze, refuses to respond. "Dammit, Jisung..." You screw your eyes shut, but there’s not even a hint of reaction from him.

“You know what, if you’re not gonna listen to me, then fine. I’ll go.” Swivelling on the balls of your feet, you make to walk away, to return to solitude. You don’t look back.

“Wait!” There’s a desperate tone to it that almost makes you want to cave, almost makes you want to return to what life was before you reached the base. You barely manage to keep your head forward, even as you stop in your tracks.

“What?”

"I'm sorry.” His voice comes out soft, something above a whisper but far below his normal speaking voice. “I thought about it after I kicked you out, and you were right. I wouldn't have told me either. Guess I was too stubborn to admit I was wrong," he chuckles. "If you don't forgive me, I get that. You can take some of my food, and we can part ways again, but for what it's worth...I missed you."

You sigh, looking out the cracked store window. "Look, I'm sorry too. It was a tough choice, but I should've been honest with you." It's kinda gross to be trying to make amends here, what with one foot stepping in zombie excrement and all, but your head hangs low in apology anyway.

Your head snaps up when you hear him sniffle, and his eyes are struggling to hold back tears. When you open your arms, he's quick to wrap his arms around you and crumple into your embrace, voice muttering broken apologies. "I'm so sorry," he mumbles. "I missed you so much." You two stand there and let the moment drag out, let Jisung dampen your shirt for what feels like hours.

There might not be much hope left in the tumultuous reality you've found yourselves in, but as long as you're together, you think you stand a chance at weathering the storm.

"Shit," Jisung hisses that night, wiping blood off his arms with a damp cloth. He should've taped himself up before going on a supply run, but he'd been running out of tape; that was the reason he risked entering the infested store at all. The bite marks on either side of his forearm run red and raw, and Jisung fixes his gaze to the popcorn ceiling to avoid throwing up then and there.

A glance is all it takes for him to gag, and he washes the cloth off, red water spiraling into the sink. He caps the water bottle he used and takes a good look at himself in the mirror.

There's blood across the right side of his face. (He's not sure if it's his or not.) There are deep lines in his forehead from months of stress, dark circles underneath his eyes. He figures he should've gotten more sleep while he still could, remembers all the times you bugged him about going to bed early.

He never listened.

He never listens.

If you were with him, he wouldn't have gone in alone, wouldn't have gotten surrounded, wouldn't have gotten bit. Maybe he wouldn't have even gone in at all. Lord knows you've always been his impulse control.

That's it, then. I've got a day or so left then... He wraps the clean(ish) cloth around the bite and resists the urge to squeeze until he bleeds out on the bathroom floor. There's only one thing left to do.

You're in the middle of shaking the dust off the former tenants’ couch cushions when you notice Jisung emerge from the bathroom. "I did some digging around, and I think these'll fit you." He catches the clothes you toss him wordlessly. "You good?"

"I need you to do me a favor."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Kill me."

Okay. Well. You were expecting something more along the lines of "check if the truck is locked" or "kiss me."

"Wh-" The word gets lodged in your throat when he lifts his hand to show you the bite. His whole forearm's red at this point, blood trickling from it despite the sopping red cloth in his hand. He tries for a lighthearted grin.

(It doesn't work. Jisung's never been a good liar.)

"Please. I want to die on my own terms." To himself, he mutters, "You always deserved better, anyway. All I ever did was get angry and leave you behind." He's focused on the way the blood runs down his arm and fingers before falling down, down, down. The hardwood floor takes it like a champ, he thinks. 

It's really kinda funny how he can think things like that when he knows he has to die, and he has the audacity to laugh. Maybe he’s only laughing because he’s losing a lot of blood.

You cup his face with both hands, the couch cushion tossed to the side, and he hesitates before leaning in. "How- how do you get to decide what I deserve? Decide what I want?" your voice breaks, vision blurred from tears. "You're all I want." Your foreheads touch as you sob, tears mingling with Jisung's blood as they hit the floor. "This isn't fair! I just got you back and- and-" The cry that rips itself from your throat is guttural, a bubbling noise produced from the back of your throat. This time it's Jisung who lets you cry into him, your face buried in the crook of his neck.

"You're so fucking stupid! I hate you!" you scream, nails digging into his shoulders. You may as well be telling the world where you are, but your mind doesn't bother registering it. Before you know it, you're slipping, legs unable to keep you up. You're so tired. It's been a long, arduous few months. "I hate you so much!"

But you don't mean it. You never could.

You weep at his feet, clutching at his jeans in an effort to pull yourself up. "I hate you..."

Maybe it's the look on his face when you pull away to gulp down air like your life depends on it; broken, beaten. Maybe it's the crushing hopelessness that hits you; when Jisung's gone, so are you. Hellish as this world may be, Jisung's the only thing that makes you feel like your last moments might not be so bad. He's your home, your tiny shred of sunshine and hope.

When he tugs you back to eye level, you smash your lips onto his, hand on the back of his head. He responds immediately, mouth moving against yours, hand tugging at your waist (closer, closer, closer).

But then his brain catches up to his body. "Wait," he turns so you're leaving wet kisses along his jaw, down his neck, "wait, this- this isn't right."  He steps back, eyes wide as he puts distance between you. "Now you're-"

"Infected." You think back to the news coverage of the disease. All it took was a drop of saliva for someone to be at risk. You wring your hands, tear your eyes from his forearm (his veins bulge as if they're fit to burst). "I guess I just realized, you know?" A nervous chuckle escapes your lips. "Who else...who else is gonna..." Your voice breaks again, eyes brimming with tears. "Who else is gonna put up with you in the afterlife?"

He's in front of you again in a heartbeat, wiping your tears. With a scoff, he says, "God, what would I do without you?"

You bandage him up properly after that, spend the night talking until you're asleep, head rested on his chest. It's comforting, he thinks. He wishes he could have held you like this back when your only concerns were your uptight Calculus professor and the stress of finals.

"Better late than never, I guess," he whispers, breaking the silence. Your chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm, your cheek smashed against his chest as you sleep. "Though I guess we might've been a little too late, huh?"

The sun rises, golden light in your face forcing you to blink your eyes awake. Jisung stirs at your movement, his good hand tightening around you as he tries to stay asleep.

"Wake up." You press a kiss to his knuckles. "We don't have much time."

His voice comes out deep and gravelly, speaking for the first time in a few hours. "I know. Just five more minutes like this, I promise. Five more minutes..." And he's asleep again, mouth open in a little "o." You curl into him, listening for his heartbeat; weak, but still there. He’s still alive and so are you.

You think five more minutes wouldn’t hurt.

"Ready?" you ask. The pistol shakes in your hands; you might not be the best shot, but you can't afford to miss now. You try to will your nerves into complacency. (It doesn't work.)

"Wait!" he says, eyes wide. His veins are clearly visible along the infected arm, snaking up his shoulder and kissing his collarbone. You raise an eyebrow, and he gives you a stupid, million-watt grin. "I love you. Even, uh, even if I am pointing a gun at you." He waves the other pistol a bit to prove his point. "I just wanted you to know before we, you know. Blow each other's brains out."

"Hey." You catch his attention, match his smile for the last time. "I love you too. Just thought you should know before I blow your brains out." He laughs, and it's a real, genuine laugh blooming from his stomach; it’s a loud, hearty sound and makes your heart feel so full that you can't help but laugh with him, laugh at the fact that you're about to shoot the boy you love, laugh at everything that landed you here.

Then the laughter calms down. The wind itself holds its breath, refusing to let even a slight breeze slip through. "On three. Ready?" Jisung nods, starting the count.

"One."

(It's sad you two will never get to see the end of it all, or if there's an end to begin with. Who knows, maybe there are enough true leaders left in the world to make something out of nothing. You hope that this world learns to heal from its wounds, no matter what. But in the end, you guess it doesn't matter. The sun will rise and set regardless. 

“No matter how things change…”

“...some things stay the same.” With those words, you and Jisung taped up the cardboard box labeled “TIME CAPSULE” in black Sharpie. “Man, I hope future us doesn’t hate past us too much for this,” Jisung said, managing to find a space for the large box in his closet. “It’s gonna be a long four years.” Right below the time capsule label read “OPEN AFTER GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE.” 

You’d nodded, hiding the box from view by moving Jisung’s clothes in front of it. “There we go. Now we won’t be tempted to open it.” The rest of the day was spent getting ice cream way too close to dinner to be healthy and trying to find out what the other wrote in their letter to their future self.

You don’t know why you’re remembering the makeshift time capsule you two spent half a day filling, but knowing that you’ll never get to open it makes your toes curl with an unpleasant sadness.)

"Two."

(In a way, you think you're almost grateful for what happened. Despite how twisted and fucked up it all was, you doubt you and Jisung would have ever found each other, truly found each other, without it. In your final moments, you think back to a conversation you had with him the week of the announcement.

"You know what I realized?" he had asked, making himself comfortable on your bed.

"What?"

"Parallel lines stay so close to each other, but they never meet. That's so sad."

"Jisung, are you crying over lines?"

"You know what else I realized?" he asked again, wiping tears from his eyes. "All the other pairs of lines meet once and then drift apart forever."

You ended up comforting him, leaving your homework behind. "Promise me we'll be like parallel lines. Promise me we won't start drifting." His eyes were shiny with tears as he held his pinky out to you, your pinkies interlaced in eternal promise.

Staring down the barrel of the pistol in Jisung's hands, you start to think that this is the part where you start drifting.)

"Three!"

[mhbwrites]

Title: Falling For You Summary: Roman and Virgil have been friends for quite awhile now, but Roman's never seen him with his guard down. When he gets the opportunity too... let's just say his heart can't handle it - side story to my high school au - 

Sophomore year was coming to a close, the drama club having just wrapped up their end of year play. Everyone in the club was feeling the post-performance buzz as they worked together taking apart the set and getting everything cleaned up and put away before the end of the day. Cleaning up usually meant joking around and putting off the work for as long as they could because once it was cleaned up, then they weren't allowed backstage until the beginning of the next year. So everyone liked making the most out of the time while they can.

Roman hummed softly as he scrolled through his phone, hitting play on a Disney playlist and music started drifting out through the stereo had set up. He couldn't keep a smile off his face, loving this time of year even though he was always a little sad when a play ends, but it was worth it to see everyone laughing and having a good time together afterwards. He let his gaze flit from group to group, eyes landing on Virgil where he was talking with Logan, perched up on one of the prop boxes and legs swinging idly, feet tapping along to the music. He must have felt eyes on him because he turned his gaze over to Roman, raising an eyebrow when their eyes met. Roman grinned brightly, lifting a hand in a wave, which prompted an eye-roll and a sigh from the other.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" Patton asked, coming up beside him, a dress folded over his arm. "Maybe the person you're making flirty eyes at?" His tone was teasing, a grin tugging at his lips as he watched Roman sputtered.

"I'm not flirting with anyone!" Roman huffed out, crossing his arms. He knew Patton was just teasing him, he knew their relationship wasn't like that at all, but he still felt the need to defend himself. Patton just wiggled his eyebrows at him playfully and he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Fine. I guess Virgil is looking a little cute today." he said, deciding to play along for once.

"Oh? So you do think he's cute!" Patton grinned brightly, clapping his hands together. "Do you think Logan is cute too?"

"Ha! As if!"

"You are aware that Virgil and I look the same, don't you?" Logan asked, making his way over to them. He lifted an arm when Patton moved forward for a hug, rolling his eyes fondly down at him.

Roman definitely didn't jump when he suddenly appeared, thank you very much. Even if he did press a hand to his chest dramatically. "You don't look that much alike you know. For example, you wear glasses, like a nerd."

Logan just raised an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly in confusion. "You do know Virgil wears glasses too, don't you? He just prefers to wear his contacts whenever he's out of the house."

Roman blinked once, twice, confused. "He does?" He glanced at Patton for confirmation, frowning slightly when he nodded. "How come I've never seen him in them?" He watched as the other two exchanged a look, already knowing he wasn't going to get an answer. If he wanted to know why, then he was going to have to ask Virgil himself.

Which is how he found himself quietly making his way into the Clarke household, having received a confirmation text from Logan that Virgil was home and in his room with his glasses on. He did feel a little bad about sneaking up on him like this, but this really was the only way to see him completely relaxed. He carefully made his way up the stairs, easily avoiding the creaky parts, slowly inching his way down the hallway. He could see Virgil's bedroom door open and if he leaned just right, he could see him sitting on his bed.

If Roman hadn't know it was Virgil beforehand, he would have thought it was some stranger sitting on the bed instead. Virgil's long hair which normally hide his face was pushed back by a headband, glasses perched on his nose and, from he was able to see, he didn't seem to have any makeup on his face. His lips were barely moving, probably mouthing the words to whatever song he was listening to from the earbuds tucked neatly into his ears and a sketchbook was open, resting on his propped up knees. He looked so... relaxed, unbothered, and Roman found himself slowly inching forward, wanting a closer look but not wanting to startle him.

Unfortunately or him, he forgot about the dog. The second he took another step closer, a small dark head perked up from the end of the bed, looking over at him and wagging her tail. Virgil glanced at her before following her gaze, eyes landing on Roman. Their eyes locked and there was a long moment of silence stretching out between them before he let out a startled yelp, shifting quickly and pulling his blanket up and over his head.

"No! No no no no Virgil!" Roman rushed forward quickly, hands up in a nonthreatening way even though he couldn't be seen. Scaring him like that had been the last thing he had wanted to do and he cursed his curiosity. "It's okay! I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that!"

"What are you doing here Roman?" Virgil's voice sounded small under the blanket and he didn't know how to help make him feel better.

"I just.. I was thinking that we never really spend time together. Just the two of us." Roman came to a stop by the bed, crouching down next to it and hesitantly reaching a hand out, hand hovering over Virgil's covered form. "I should have asked if it was okay for me to come by, and I'm sorry."

There was a moment of silence before Virgil let out a soft sigh, forcing himself to sit up. When he pulled the blanket off from his head, his glasses were no longer on his face and Roman figured he was hiding them for some reason. "It's.. fine. I would have liked a little warning, but I don't mind spending time with you." He grabbed his thrown notebook, flipping the cover closed and fingers playing with an edge, not looking directly at him. He did pat the bed, scooting over a little in invitation.

Roman waited a few seconds before taking up the offer, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed, wanting to give Virgil some space. "You can wear your glasses you know. I'm not going to, you know, judge you or anything." He may just want a closer look at the sight, but he did want him to see.

Virgil just gave a little shrug, pulling the glasses out from beneath the blanket but not putting them on. "I don't really like the way I look in them, so I try not to wear them that much."

"I think you look good!" Roman had to mentally scold himself for sounding a little to enthusiastic. He didn't want to make him feel like he was just screwing around with him. "Not to say you don't look good normally! But -" He cut himself off when Virgil huffed out a laugh, shaking his slightly.

"I get it. Don't get all tongue-tied there princey." He reached over, nudging him slightly before sighing and putting the glasses back on. "Better?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! You look..." Roman turned to face him fully, feeling the words die in his throat. He couldn't help but notice the splattering of freckles across Virgil's cheeks and nose and he was finding it hard to look away. "You have freckles."

"I do." Virgil gave a little shrug, gaze very pointedly looking at his lap. "They're kind of -"

"Cute." Roman cut him off, already knowing where his train of thought was going and wanting to cut it off before it could fully form. "You look very cute right now."

Virgil blinked, an embarrassed flush spreading across his face, cheeks slowly turning pink up to his ears and he glanced at Roman from beneath his lashes. "You think I look cute?"

Roman could feel his heart thump heavily in his chest at the look, his mouth going dry. 'Holy shit I'm gay..' How was he supposed to respond to that? He couldn't exactly lie about it, and he didn't want to anyway. "Uh.. yeah. I do. You look cute like this."

Their eyes met and silence stretched between them, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as Roman would think it would be. He had the overwhelming urge to lean in for a kiss, and he had to tear his gaze away before he actually gave in to it. Him and Virgil were just friends and he wasn't going to risk ruining it for some impulsive feelings. He turned his attention to the sketchbook still on Virgil's lap and he remembered seeing him drawing something in it when he first came in. "So um.. what were you working on?" he asked, nodding towards the notebook curiously.

"Oh! It's nothing really. I was just.. making something for Patton for his anniversary with Logan next month." Virgil flipped the pages open and Roman very pointedly didn't mention seeing glimpses of drawings that looked kind of like him. Even if he was curious. He could always ask about it later. He came to a stop of drawing of Logan and Patton in what appeared to be Hogwarts robes.  He held the notebook out to Roman to take, and he looked away self-consciously.

"Virgil! This is really good!" Roman praised, taking his time admiring the work. He could tell it was still just a rough sketch, but the details were easy to see and he could tell a lot of work was going in to it. The quality already alone was enough to tell that the finished product will be amazing. No wonder Virgil was in the art club.

"It still has a lot of work left to do for it, but it is reassuring to know it's looking okay." Virgil flickered his gaze over to Roman, hesitantly returning the bright smile being directed at him. He could only hold it for a moment before he looked away again.

Roman wasn't offended though, but he felt the need to get some space between them before he did something he'd regret. So he hopped up from the bed and held out a hand in invitation. "It's getting close to lunch time. So how about we order some pizza and put on a movie?" he offered, giving his eyebrows and over-exaggerated wiggle to elicit an amused snort from Virgil. He considered it a victory when he agreed and they made their way downstairs, Lilith following behind with the bell on her collar jingling cheerfully.

And, if Roman had to fight the urge to hold Virgil's hand later while they were watching the movie, well, no one needed to know. These were feelings he was going to have to keep to himself. For now at least, until he could figure out what exactly it was he was feeling. He had an idea, and watching Virgil smile and laugh at the movie, expression carefree, it was becoming very clear to him that he had indeed developed a crush... and he didn't know what to do about that.