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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years ago

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This Isn’t Hypothetical for Chris

SPECIAL CONTENT WARNING: This piece contains a series of arguments regarding the Box Boy’s whole concept, and a survivor’s reactions to it, that may hit too close to home both for survivors of assault/abuse and also considering American history of institutional violence. Please do not read if you think you are not in the right headspace for this, and feel free to message me for a rundown/synopsis of this chapter if needed.

CW: References to pet whump, institutionalized slavery, Box Boy universe, vague referenced noncon/conditioning, self-loathing, victim-blaming, survivor’s guilt, ableism (both internal and external). Also includes some self-harm/negative stimming including head-banging during a meltdown.

Nicholas/Henry (referenced multiple times) belongs to @orchidscript

“Excuse me, can I ask a question?” The one who raises his hand is… Eshiram, maybe? He lives over in Dalton, Chris knows him, more or less. Sort of. The way you know people who live near you, even on a campus as big as this tone.

“Yeah, go ahead.” The grad student who teaches the discussion meetings for their Social and Political History class waves one hand in a quick, not quite dismissive gesture.

Behind him, there’s a projected photo of a young man sitting, testifying in court, wearing a suit and tie. Above his head, the words, The Human Pet Industry and Human Rights, 1952-20XX, are angled just so, framing the young man’s head like a halo.

Chris refuses to look at the image of the young man, caught mid-speech. They already had to watch the video recording of it, discuss the way the lawyers phrased their questions to make the young man look innocent or calculating, depending on what they wanted the jury to think, when Chris could have told everyone in here it wasn’t fucking possible for a pet to calculate like that.

Or maybe it was, and Chris just wasn’t any good at it, when it was him.

“So, we’ve spent all week sitting in lecture, and here, talking about how the pet industry is absolutely fucked up-”

“Excuse me?” A girl sitting three seats to Chris’s right and a little ahead of him turns around in her chair to give Eshiram a flat glare. “That is not-”

“Wait your turn, Callie,” The grad student says, looking weary. “Next time I have to tell you to let someone finish a sentence… Man, just, don’t make me do that. Go on, Eshiram.”

Okay, good, his name is Eshiram. Chris is getting better at names, but it’s still hard, and on days like today it’s harder than ever. It’s not that he isn’t paying attention, it’s just that the scar on the inside of his left wrist, that pale reminder of the life he lived before this one, itches and burns more and more as he stays silent, listening to them talk about a life he’s lived like it’s an abstract concept and not a nightmare Chris will never be able to completely wash off his skin.

“Thanks. So, we talk about the pet industry, but I just-... why doesn’t anyone fix it?”

“Fix it?”

“Go in and pass laws… the public push is there to outlaw it completely. So why doesn’t it happen?”

“Because money talks, man,” Another student pipes up, and Chris stares down at his notes, which have gone from neat, if angular, handwriting to a jumbled mix of letters that mean nothing to a series of increasingly anxiety-riddled pointless doodles of geometrics and horses that look like dogs and dogs that look like blobs and blue ink bleeding spots around them all.

On the inside of his wrist, he starts, slowly, to draw little triangles over the scars, filling them in with the deep blue ink. Their voices are all starting to have weight, pounding against his ears, and he should ask to leave, but he can’t remember how to form the words.

“It doesn’t matter how fucking miserable the pets are, if rich people want something, they just bribe the fuck out of everybody until they get it.”

“Yeah, but it shouldn’t be like that-”

“Pets aren’t miserable,” Callie pipes up, and this time the grad student doesn’t stop her, just looks… interested. This is just a class discussion to him. To Chris it’s a building pile of rocks slowly picked up and thrown in his direction. He has to sit still, to be good, to not give away why it hurts to hear it.

He has to be good.

He drops his head more, blue hair falling across his face to hide it, and digs the nib of the pen into his skin until it hurts.

“Who wouldn’t be?” The student who spoke up rolls his eyes. “Of course they’re miserable. What, you think somebody cleans your house for no money because they’re fucking passionate about Swiffer wipes? All the bullshit in the world can’t hide what this whole system really is.”

“First off, it’s not like that, and second, please do tell me... what is it, really?” Callie asks, poison in her voice.

“Okay, guys,” The grad student says, hands out. “Let’s calm things down a little.”

“You know damn fucking well what it is,” Another girl speaks, glaring a Callie, and Chris looks up from under his eyelashes, almost smiles. Someone speaking up. He pulls the pen away from his wrist, just a little. “Starts with S, rhymes with-”

“Guys. Calm it down.” Callie and the other three all glare at each other, but the whispering among the class slowly settles down. The grad student stands up picking up some papers he has in his hands, setting stapled packets down on every desk. “I’m glad you’re all really passionate about this, and I want you to carry that passion out of this classroom, but we need to focus on the testimonies we’ve been watching this week. Now, each of you has here a written transcript of four examples of testimony from the individuals we’ve heard this week. I want you to read over what Trenton Denver, Phillipa Venn, Yuki Tanaka, and the former Nicholas-”

“You know what’s bullshit, is that you’re all sitting here judging pet owners when I bet none of you has ever even met one,” Callie snaps, and Chris stares down at the rough, photocopied photo on the front of the packet, sees Nicky’s face there. A photo of him before, standing next to his owners during some kind of press conference, and a photo of him after, years later being Henry now, giving a speech standing alone.

Something in Chris twists with an awful, sick guilt. If he’d only stayed with S-... with Oliver, he could have been a friend to Nicky, whenever he could... and instead, the other boy had had to do everything, to go through it all, alone. It’s not a fair or rational thought, but it’s there, insidious and slithering. His heart wants tries to tighten, to stop beating entirely.

Does he even deserve to breathe, living a life like this one, where everyone rescues him and he never once saved himself?

“Do you need to fucking meet one to know it’s miserable to be kept like a fucking Golden Retriever? People. Aren’t. Pets.” Chris wants to look up, to see who spoke this time, but he just keeps staring at Nicky’s face, his slight smile blurred and pixelated by the copier. Fake, and unhappy, because they were both trapped in lives they didn’t want to live.

“Golden Retrievers are pretty happy dogs,” Someone says, and Chris feels himself choke on their words.

We’re not dogs. We’re people. We’re not dogs. We’re people. We’re not-

“Oh my God, way to miss the point by approximately fifteen thousand miles and also be so insulting to dogs in the process, dumbass. We’re talking about human beings!”

Chris takes in a breath, keeps his eyes down. Digs the pen nib into his skin, deeper and deeper, as hard as he can, trying to drown out the cacophony of noise that is starting to intrude. He can hear their breathing, all of them, huffing in and out. He can hear their words pressing on him, the buzz of the lights overhead is louder for him than anyone else in here, he thinks. He can hear people talking in the hall as another class has let out, he can hear people shouting dimly outside, running to the Student Center, playing frisbee or something on the green space, and he wants to be outside he wants to be outside he wants to move.

Can’t move. Have to be still.

Can’t let them know what he is. Can’t tell. It’ll put everyone at risk. He has to sit still and pretend he doesn’t have opinions on this so nobody looks too close. He has to sit still and stop tapping his fucking foot and stop stop stop moving, stop fucking moving, be still be still be still-

“All I’m saying, is that I have actually met pets before,” Callie announces. Chris wonders why the grad student hasn’t stopped her and sneaks a look up, only to see him sitting and looking bored. It doesn’t matter to him. It’s just something he talks about. He hasn’t had to live it, to see us crying, to know how it feels when they shock you or bring the cane down or make you be still for days and days and days. He’s never seen one of us wake up screaming even when it’s safe.

This isn’t hypothetical for Chris.

“Yeah, Cal, we get it, you’re rich,” Someone says, rolling her eyes, arms crossed over her chest. “We hear about it all the time. Let it go.”

“Eat the rich,” Someone else mumbles behind him. “French had the right fuckin’ idea with the fucking guillotines.”

Chris swallows. He wants to hum, to make some kind of noise to drown them all out, but he can’t. When he, when he needs things, when he needs to tap or rock or hum, it draws attention. Too much attention is dangerous. Have to keep it in until class is over. Just a few more minutes, a few more, just, just a little longer…

“Me being rich isn’t what we’re talking about. I’m just saying none of you knows a thing about the industry, and I do! I grew up with pets! And they were the happiest people I’ve ever met!”

“You don’t, don’t know that.” He doesn’t realize the voice is his own until the eyes feel as heavy as their voices did a moment before, and he notices everyone is looking at him.

He swallows again, his heart starting to pound with nervousness, pulling his sleeve carefully down to hide the drawing he made on his wrist. “You don’t know that,” He repeats, louder this time, willing his voice not to shake. “All you, you know is what, um, what… what what what, what, what they-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Somebody says, and Chris almost stops there.

He manages to finish, “-... what they thought it was safe to tell you, what, what they were trained to tell you.”

“You think I wouldn’t know if my own pets weren’t happy?” Callie looks… stunned, is the only word for it. “You really think that?”

“No, I don’t, don’t think you… would.” Chris hates everyone looking at him. He likes to be hidden, to stay behind the scenes, to blend in with shadows. But he feels like a police siren going off, unmistakable and too loud, with the classroom all looking at him all at once. “They-... they’re… trained. To make sure you, you, you-you-you wouldn’t ever f-find out if they weren’t... if they were scared, or, or miserable, or if your f-f-family was hurting them-”

“How fucking dare you?” Callie’s eyes widened, and Chris watched them fill with glittering tears. “Suggest that my family would abuse our pets? What is wrong with you?”

He almost - almost - apologizes.

Then she adds, “I’ve known them every single day of my life! I think I’d know if they weren’t happy, Chris.” Callie rolls her eyes, arms crossed in front of her.

“How?” His voice is louder, and he doesn’t mean it to be, but his mind is sparking with anger and fear. The warning bells inside his mind are being drowned out by the other thoughts, the way he has listened to too many people give arguments like this, and this week he’s listened to four different speeches by pets detailing abuse, and suffering, and starvation, and drugging, and he’s lived all of it and here she is just dismissing Chris’s life like it’s a fairytale the pet lib people made up to sell magazines and documentaries and not Chris’s actual fucking life. And Antoni’s. And Leila’s. And Krista’s. And Kauri’s and-

And Nicky’s.

Or… Henry, now.

“How what?” Callie sneers the words and Chris shoves himself to his feet. She’s up as well, and she’s taller than him, not that it matters. He’s not intimidated by her height, and he doesn’t even really see her, he sees-... he sees Oliver murmuring, the others will all hate you if they know what you are, darlin’, and mostly that hasn’t been true for him, but with Callie… it would be.

Or she’d call someone, turn him in.

She’s the kind who would make the call herself, and she’d say it was for his own good, that he was breaking the law, that he-

“How would you, you, you-you… you know? It’d never be safe to, to, to to to to-... to-to… to, fuck, to-” He groans, smacking himself in the head with his hand, and the sudden burst of sensation soothes the broken words inside his head, he can find them again. “It’d never be safe to tell you!”

“Oh shit,” Someone whispers. The same person who made the guillotine comment maybe. He doesn’t care. He’s too angry, now, and not even at her, he’s angry at everyone who looked the other way at Oliver’s parties, or when Owen put Kauri in that video on the internet, or when they watched Jake get arrested at protests or made fun of him when he got set free later and it took two fucking weeks for him to go back to class just because he put his body between Chris and a living hell.

He’s too angry, now, to stop.

“You’re, you’re s-s-soulless,” He hisses, and there’s an intake of breath. “Every single one, of, of, of you is soulless.”

“Chris, let’s calm down,” The grad student says carefully, moving forward. “Callie just has a different point of view-”

“Is it a, a, a different point of-... of view when it’s someone’s fucking life?” He doesn’t mean to be yelling. He doesn’t know how he started yelling. He’s terrified of his own voice and he can’t stop. The lights hurt, they sit on his skin and they hurt and the world is full of noise and he just wants it to be dark and quiet and better than this.

“Everyone who hurts-” Us “-them is soulless, is, is devoid, you don’t have one, and everyone who s-s-sits, who, who sits around, who-... who does nothing while they hurt us-”

“I’ve never hurt a pet a single day in my life!” Callie shouts back at him, and someone takes her arm, a friend of hers.

No one takes Chris’s arm. No one speaks. They just watch him from every corner of the room, and later someone’s going to write a fucking post about this somewhere, and he’ll be a laughingstock, and maybe someone will see the look in his eyes and guess - and know - and call the cops - and he’ll get Jake in trouble again-

“I’d bet every d-... dollar in my, my, my bank account that you have!”

“Christopher Stanton, you need to stop, right now, or I’m going to ask you to leave.” The grad student steps between them, and Chris’s eyes flicker to the older man’s. Suddenly he’s unsure, and he wants to sit down.

Sit still. Silence is better than stammering. Stillness is better than what I do. Sit down, be good, be good be good be good be a good boy be good a pet be good be good after all-

“I mean… they signed up for it, right?” A new voice, the girl holding Callie’s arm. “Pets? They get told what it’s all about before they sign up. Isn’t this kind of… babying them? I mean, they made the choice to be one.”

“Nothing happens to them that isn’t on their contract,” Callie says, smug with triumph, and the grad student doesn’t stop her. “Besides, they really loved me! It was like having a friend right from when I was born. They signed up for this!”

It hurts so much more when he hears it said outside his own skull.

“They didn’t like you.” Chris is spitting venom, suddenly, terrified of himself, of his own anger. He’s so good at not being angry, at not having feelings like this, at having good days and knowing how lucky he is to escape, but right now… “They, they, they didn’t like you, they were told to, to, to be nice to you! You, you just-...”

“I mean, they wipe their memories and shit,” Someone says. “That’s sci-fi horror movie shit, that is definitely fucked up. You can’t think you can wipe somebody’s memory and make them, like, memorize all those fucked up things pets say and then believe they just… like you, Callie.”

“They didn’t want those memories! They sign up on purpose, to give those memories up, because they don’t want them anymore! I mean, what do they lose, really?”

Chris hitches in a breath.

Everything.

I lost everything.

And I’ll never get all of it back.

“That’s why… why-why-why, why you’re not safe, why it wouldn’t be s-safe to, to, to to tell you if they weren’t h-happy,” Chris says, throwing the packet of papers with Henry’s face on the front into his backpack, alongside folders full of paperwork, his textbook, laptop, pens and pencils. “Because you’ll b-believe any, any, any any… any bullshit you’re told.”

Someone laughs, nervously.

“Or maybe one of us has actual experience with pets, and one of us wears the same five fucking t-shirts on rotation because he doesn’t own any others.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Callie.”

Chris stares at her, and it’s not fear that washes cold down his spine, but a blistering, awful, sick rage. “You, you, you-you-you don’t know shit about, about, about about… about m-me-”

Talking is harder, it’s like trying to push words through a wall with an opening the size of his thumb. The wall is built of all the noise and weight and rage and pain and sound all around him. He wants to rock, he wants to tap, he wants to get all the energy coiled inside of him out and he can’t, he can’t, he can’t.

Be good be still be a statue boy that’s my good boy trainee keep still for me sweet boy you wanted this you were made for this you signed up for this you knew what would happen to you you wanted this you wanted this you wanted this you wanted it you want it you’ll always want it-

“I know you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Callie snaps. “And that’s all I need to know, isn’t it? Have you ever even met a pet, Chris?”

He wants to start laughing, at the question, and he’s afraid if he starts he won’t stop until it’s tears instead, and he won’t cry in front of her.

He won’t.

“F-for, for, for, for… for y-your, infor-... fuck, for your, your, your-your-... your-”

No, no no no. He is stalling out, stammering, trains derailed and disappearing into the horrible white light that still lived inside his head, he is stuttering silence is better than stammering you have to stop you have to stop you have to stop-

Callie’s lip curls in a cruel sneer and Chris knows exactly what she’s going to do - how she will hurt him - before she opens her mouth.

“I think you should stop trying to talk until you can stop being such a fucking sp-”

“That’s enough.”

Chris had forgotten the grad student was even still here. He jumps, stumbling into his chair as the man pushes forward and blocks Callie from Chris’s view. Chris’s legs catch in the metal legs of the chair and he falls backwards, slamming on his ass into the carpeted floor, barely catching himself.

The carpet burns under his hands.

Only one person laughs.

It’s Callie.

Chris’s face burns bright red, shame and humiliation sweeping over his skin, and he lost nearly all the words, all at once, drowned in the screaming noise inside his head. All he can remember is how to spit, “I fucking hate everyone like, like, like you! You fucking bitch!”

“Leave the room, Chris.” The grad student’s voice is sharp. “That’s over the line. You’re done in this class for now. I’ll email you later and we’ll schedule a meeting to talk about whether or not you should come back.”

Chris’s lungs stop working. He can barely mouth what?

“Hey, wait a second.” Eshiram pushes to his feet, jabbing a finger in the air as he points. “Callie’s the one who worked this up into a fight, Chris didn’t-”

“Cut it, Eshiram, I’m not interested. Chris. Get out of the room, take a deep breath, and cool down. We’ll talk this out later, okay? I won’t mark you absent for class, or mark down participation, or anything. Just… take a walk.”

Chris can’t remember how to speak. All he can do is nod, good boy, take your discipline, discipline is a humane and necessary part of-

He has to get out of here before he calls someone Sir.

“If he goes, I’m walking out, too,” Eshiram says, strong. He was taller and bigger than the grad student, who looked at him, weary, as Eshiram steps over and offers Chris his hand. Chris takes it, skin crawling, and pulls himself back to his feet. “It’s not his fault and I’m not going to sit here like it is.”

“Yeah, me too,” Guillotine-Kid says, pushing to his feet and grabbing his backpack. “I’m out, too. I’m not going to fall for that propaganda bullshit.”

“Me, three,” Says the girl who had very nearly called the human pet industry exactly what it is. “This is bullshit, Darian’s right. She works him up and gets him all mad, and then you kick him out when he fights back? This is exactly the fucking problem we’ve been talking about!”

“Don’t be fucking dramatic, Tali,” Callie says, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t be such a fucking nightmare asshole, Caledonia,” Tali shoots back.

“Okay. Okay, okay. Just… class dismissed for today. Look over your packets and we’ll meet next time and talk it out. I can see this isn’t going to get back on track. Chris, we’ll talk about you coming back to class when we meet, but until then… just… just work on the assignments.” The grad student sighs.

Chris yanks his hand away from Eshiram, and Callie’s triumphant little snort hits him in the back like a blow as he stomps out of the classroom and into the hall, the rest of the class streaming out behind him.

Eshiram calls out his name, but Chris doesn’t stop.

He should, he should stop, Jake and Nat always say it’s important to reward people for their work towards changing hearts and minds, and to appreciate the little things like people helping you stand up when you can’t stand for yourself, but he… he can’t stop.

If he stops, they’ll know what he is.

If he stops, they’ll tell someone.

If he stops, he’ll cry in front of them, and Chris has cried too often in his life. He just runs down the hallway, as fast as he can, taking turns and twists and stairways until he’s on a different floor, a different side of the building, and he’s totally, utterly lost in it.

He curls up in a tiny bathroom the size of a closet, lights off, door locked, presses himself into the corner in a room that smells like air freshener and bleach, and starts to rock, violently, forcing his head to smack into the wall with each forward motion, and again when he rocks back.

Again, again, again.

It quiets the screaming inside his head, but it can’t make the last hour not have happened.

Silence is better than stammering, stillness is better than what I do, I signed up for this, I signed up for this, I wanted this I wanted it I was made for it I deserved it we’re happy we’re supposed to be happy I’m broken because I wasn’t happy like this I signed up for it I have to be good to be good I am a good boy be still be silent be still be be be-

His phone starts buzzing an hour or so later, when he misses his lunch date with Laken. Over and over and over again.

He doesn’t pick up.

He wouldn’t be able to speak if he did.

---

Tagging: @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @endless-whump, @whumpfigure, @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout, @doveotions, @pretty-face-breaker, @boxboysandotherwhump, @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years ago

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Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat - Chapter 3

Summary: Veterinarian Olivia Tran has zero time for bullshit. After becoming a mom at age twenty three, the one thing she wants is a good life for her daughter Vanessa. Her ex didn’t want anything to do with her nor the baby and she decided that man are officially banned out of her life. But then she meets Henry Cavill at her clinic and her ban slowly starts to crumble apart. Henry on the other hand is looking for one thing: a family. And when he meets Olivia Tran, he finds just that.

Henry Cavill x Olivia Tran (ofc)

Warnings: None

Wordcount: 3.9k

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

It’s still beyond me that I told the famous actor Henry Cavill that his dog is kinda fat. The entire time from three till six a.m. was a dream to be honest. I noticed the second he walked in how handsome this man looked, not realizing he was Henry Cavill, though I thought he looked familiar. His curls were disheveled, his coat hung open and he looked pretty out of it, something that is completely understandable. However, he wasn’t just a snack—this man is a full course meal.

When he placed his dog on the examination table and stared at Kal with that concerned look on his face, was also the exact moment I felt something crumble deep inside of me. The aversion I had against all men (minus the one and only Keanu Reeves of course) was falling apart. I felt so stupid for thinking about him and how handsome he looked. Two days later, I still feel stupid.

He is a client with a dog who was sick. Had the other clinics picked up, I wouldn’t even know how handsome he was in real life. And on top of that, he is not just any client. He is Henry Cavill. The Henry Cavill, with an ass that looks good on screen, but even better in real life.

Yes, I looked. I’m still a person with a pulse who lets her mind wander from time to time and his butt definitely is part of my dreams nowadays.

Though I let my fantasies take me to certain places with Henry, I couldn’t help but turn into a soft pile of mush, as I watched him hold Vanessa in his thick arms, allowing her to play with his curls. I watched him listen intently as she started counting from one to hundred. He listened from the first number to the last and seemed genuinely impressed.

It’s rare to find a man who is willing to give a young child his full attention. In those six years I’ve been raising Vanessa, he is the first one that I encountered that is like that.

A quick Google search while he was chatting with Vanessa told me he was single. Somehow I stumbled upon multiple articles saying that he really wants a family of his own.

My mind almost wanted to think about how maybe… He could become someone important for Vanessa, because he was such a natural and the older Vanessa gets, the more I think that she needs a male figure in her life. Since she has reached the age of five, she has been bugging me about having a dad. The years prior to that moment, I was perfectly capable of being both the mother and the father. At least that’s what I thought. I came to the bitter conclusion that I’m her mother and that is it.

But then I also realized that I should keep one one thing in mind:

Henry Cavill is dying to have a family of his own.

And Vanessa is not his own.

I want to think about something else, but I can’t. I simply can’t stop thinking about Henry Cavill and his strong arms. I’m convinced I was hallucinating when I thought he was flexing his arm muscles, when he carried Kal.

When I told Belle about this, she began rambling something about how that man oozes family man and how he makes her ovaries shake and ache for babies. I shrugged it off, thinking she was being ridiculous, but now…

I never thought I’d meet someone else. I knew that I’d be raising Vanessa by myself, though I secretly wished she wasn’t born to a single mom, who obviously had no idea what she was doing. I wished that she was born into a happy family, with a mother, a father, siblings, uncles and aunts and grandparents, but that wasn’t the case, so I tried my best to give her the best life I could possible provide for her.

And I shouldn’t think about Henry Cavill like that. I know for a fact that he has already forgotten about me and my daughter.

However it’s hard to forget about him. Especially since Vanessa can’t shut her mouth about how amazing Superman is and how he is the strongest man on earth because he carried his overweight dog into the clinic with no problem.

Vanessa and I walk back home, after I picked her up on Monday. ‘Nobody believed I met Superman,’ she says. For a second I’m afraid she is defeated, but then she simply shrugs. ‘But I know better than that.’

That’s my girl. ‘Very good, sweetie.’

‘Miss Sue send me out of class today,’ Vanessa then says.

‘Why?’ This isn’t the moment to become the overprotective mother goose. This is the moment to let her tell me in all honesty what happened.

‘I wasn’t doing what she told me to do. We had to read four pages out loud with the class, but Nicky is really slow, so I read the next page by myself, while I wasn’t supposed to.’

‘But why did she send you out?’ I ask.

‘Because I did it four times.’

‘Right,’ I say. What do I say about this? I understand my daughter completely, because I used to do the same. Besides, I think miss Sue is a bit uptight to be honest. I don’t like miss Sue. She’s always pretty condescending to me, probably because she’s ancient and thinks a child should have both a mother and a father, like the perfect housewives do.

I really hate every parent who has a kid going to that school, but on top of my hate list, is miss Sue.

When Vanessa senses my lack of reaction, she says: ‘I made you another drawing.’

I prepare myself for the well known drawing, that I can dream by now, but all the air is knocked out of my lungs when I see what she drew me today. I stop in the middle of the curb, earning me some annoyed groans from two old ladies who were apparently walking behind me, but I don’t care. I really couldn’t care less at the moment.

Oh my God, what is it with this kid and desperately wanting a father?

Okay, now I get that she wants a dad, I do, but did she honestly have to draw a Superman and a dog (where she wrote underneath KAL) inside of our house? Superman stands next to me and she tried to make it look like Superman and I are holding hands.

Oh my God, what goes on inside Vanessa’s head?

‘What did you draw?’ I ask her, though I know exactly what she drew.

‘My new daddy.’ She smiles, revealing the empty gap where her tooth was this morning, but it fell out during recess today. It’s her third tooth and I’m too much of a realist to tell her about the Tooth Fairy, since I had severe nightmares about that. She doesn’t care about the Tooth Fairy being fake (but she had to promise me to play along when kids in school talked about it), only about the money that I have to give her.

‘Your new what?’ I ask her.

‘My new daddy,’ she says. She pretends like she is talking to an idiot, but that attitude is apparently something she saw me doing and made it a personality trait of herself, since Belle once said that she is just as sassy as I am.

‘You can’t just declare every man you meet as your new dad,’ I tell her.

‘But I haven’t asked for a new daddy in so long,’ she says and to be fair, that’s true. The only thing she does, is draw me the same picture daily with the exception of today. ‘I want Superman to be my new daddy.’

‘It’s an impossible wish.’

‘But I want him as my new dad,’ she says, stomping her foot on the ground.

This is the moment she chooses to have a temper tantrum? Great, just what I need after a long day of not putting one pet to sleep, but three. ‘Vanessa, I’m not having this conversation with you. That man is not going to be your new dad.’

Am I telling her this or myself?

‘Why not?’ she whines.

‘Because not every man you like can be your new dad, so that includes Henry.’

Vanessa starts to pout, but I turn away, not being able to look at her when she looks like that, because if she stares at me with that face for a little too long, I’m breaking into the office to look for Henry’s number, so I can call him and literally ask him to be Vanessa’s new dad.

Goodness gracious, what is happening to me? What happened to my strong independent woman mindset? I don’t need a man, like the Pussycat Dolls told me growing up and I don’t need them for anything. I have managed to become a great veterinarian and a pretty okay mother, without the help of family. I’ve done so much, but I’m willing to let all that go, just so I can have one more glance from Henry. Just one more smile from him.

A bark pulls me out of my thoughts and I look over my shoulder. I not only see the chubby American Akita, but also his owner. Henry looked handsome Saturday morning, but he looks even hotter today. He wears a dark blue jeans that shows the world how thick his thighs really are and a cosy sweater, but not a coat, since men are apparently too cool to wear coats in the beginnings of autumn.

Henry notices us and holds up his hand, while a wide smile creeps on his face. Vanessa wants to rush towards him, but I grab her arm before she can run away. Seriously, my mom reflexes are no joke. Today, when a salamander wanted to wander around the examination table and nearly fell off, I caught him just in time, while I had my back turned to him. The nine year old boy to whom the weird pet belonged to, almost cried out of happiness because I saved his salamander from breaking his neck. ‘Not a word about the new dad thing,’ I tell her sternly.

She nods, recognizing the look on my face and knowing that I mean it. I let her go and when she is close enough, she jumps in Henry’s arms. He catches her easily and I hear him say: ‘What a greeting, miss Vanessa,’ followed by a lovely chuckle of his.

This girl really needs a male figure in her life, I think to myself and if it were up to me, that role model is going to be Henry Cavill.

‘I missed you, Superman,’ she tells him and I have to resist the urge to bring up the new dad thing myself.

‘I missed you too,’ Henry says to her and that earns him a kiss from Vanessa on his cheek.

There is this saying that the only ones that tell the truth, are drunk people and little kids. What if Vanessa is right? What if this man should be her new dad? She always drew a man with a dog, outside of our house.

I never saw her with another man like this. Belle’s brother is nice, of course and they are best buddies, but it was never like this. This look Henry and Vanessa share with each other.

Vanessa wiggles herself out of his strong arms to cuddle Kal, who looks a lot livelier than he did a few days ago. He excitedly wags his tail. ‘Doctor Tran,’ Henry says to me when I walked over to the three of them.

‘Please, call me Olivia,’ I tell him. ‘We’re not in the clinic.’

‘Right.’ Henry has a faint blush on his cheeks. Is it because of me or did my child say something to him that embarrassed him when she hugged him?

‘How is Kal doing?’ I ask, scratching the big dog behind his ear, while Vanessa pets his back. ‘He looks a lot better than he did on Saturday.’

‘Yeah, I’m giving him the meds you gave me and he has been his normal self again. I also bought some Purina One and he seems doing really well with the sudden change of kibble.’ Henry clears his throat and he says: ‘It’s hard not to give him as many snacks as I want to, but I’m trying my best.’

‘Oh, you’re that kind of owner,’ I smile, before shoving my hands in my pockets. ‘Well, he looks happy and better than Saturday, so that’s good.’

I honestly have no idea what I can say to him, so for the first time in forever, I’m hoping Vanessa can break the ice here. I just pray she doesn’t force us to sing that Moana song, because that girl will get her way, especially when it comes to singing songs. I once had to sing “Love is an Open Door” (both Anna’s and Hans’ part) to her, when she locked herself in the bathroom at the library because something scared her.

Our eyes meet for a second and it’s like she understands me without words. ‘Mister Henry, what were you doing out here?’

Very good, Vanessa.

‘I was walking Kal,’ he says to her, crouching down so he doesn’t tower over her.

That’s adorable and all of the sudden I understand that shaking ovaries comment Belle made a whole lot better. I’m willing to give this man the family he wants, but I need to stop thinking right now.

‘We will walk with you.’

I wasn’t hoping for that kind of ice breaker. ‘Sweetheart,’ I say to her, ‘we can’t just say that. Maybe he has an appointment or something else that is important.’

‘I don’t mind,’ Henry on the other hand says, completely disregarding my parental efforts. ‘We could use some company actually.’

While my common sense is telling me that this isn’t a great idea (he is a client at the clinic, he just wants to get into your pants, he is just being nice), my heart is pounding like crazy, loving this idea.

‘Please, mommy.’ Vanessa folds her little hands together and pushes out her bottom lip, blinking her eyes like she’s some sort of puppy. This kid knows what she’s doing, because the chance I’m saying no now, is basically non existent.

‘Okay, sure, but you stay close now. No wandering off. If you want to go somewhere, ask me.’

‘We can go to a nearby park,’ Henry suggests. ‘Kal can run free if he wants and we can keep an eye on them.’

We can keep an eye on them. Don’t start hyperventilating now, Olivia Tran. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

Vanessa squeals and walks in between us, holding not only my hand, but also Henry’s. Oh my, we look just like one happy family, especially when I look to my side, to see that the most gorgeous looking man on the planet earth, is already looking at me, flashing me a beautiful smile.

Secretly I hope that we run into some parents from school, miss Sue or even my parents. I’m really tempted to rub this in everyones face, though it’s probably only a once in a lifetime moment.

‘Mister Henry,’ Vanessa says, ‘my mommy had to kill two cats and a dog today.’

‘Not kill,’ I quickly correct her. ‘I had to put them to sleep, remember? Those animals were old and sick and they needed a little help to go to heaven. I don’t kill them.’ I look at Henry again, who seems amused. ‘I really don’t.’

‘I believe you,’ he laughs. ‘You just tell owners their pets are fat.’

I involuntarily let out a laugh. ‘You are the first one in two months with a fat pet, so I just save it for the famous actors with who can’t say no to their chubby dogs.’

Henry licks his lips, before he sinks in this top teeth in his bottom lip. Goodness gracious. Next time I run into Henry Cavill, I should bring some extra pair of panties.

Olivia, that is terrible, I shouldn’t think like that.

My daughter is here for crying out loud.

‘Mommy, have you seen a cuter dog today?’

‘Cuter than Kal you mean?’ I ask her.

‘Mhm.’

I chuckle. ‘Well, I’ve seen cute dogs, but no one is as cute as Kal.’

‘I think so too,’ Vanessa says. She pulls her hand out of mine, before holding out her arms for Henry.

I want to tell her that she can’t just expect him to carry her, simply because he is strong and he is Superman, but without any difficulties he lifts her up with only one arm. If I tried that, I’d dislocate my shoulder, but obviously it’s a piece of cake for him. I spend my fair share on Pinterest and YouTube, admiring his arms. And that clip of him building that PC? That was the hottest thing on earth and is nearly illegal.

‘I lost a tooth today,’ Vanessa says, showing off her teeth, probably sticking her tongue through the gap.

‘Wow, that is awesome,’ Henry says, leaning in to check if there is already a new tooth coming in. ‘You’re going to put it underneath your pillow, so the Tooth Fairy can give you some money?’

I can feel Vanessa’s hesitation. She looks over her shoulder and ushers me to get closer. ‘Mommy,’ she asks, still loud enough for Henry to hear, ‘should I tell him the truth?’

‘About what?’ I ask her.

‘He still believes in the Tooth Fairy.’

I bite my lips, to prevent myself from laughing out loud. ‘I think you should tell him.’

She nods and wraps an arm around Henry’s neck. ‘Mister Henry,’ she says, ‘the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist. Mommy just gives me money when I lose another tooth.’

Henry looks at me, also visibly holding in a laugh. ‘The Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist?’ he ask in almost believable disbelieve, but then I remember: this man is an actor. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Mhm.’

‘I need to call my mother, to ask her why she lied to me all those years?’

Vanessa shakes her head. ‘Well, lots of kids still believe in the Tooth Fairy, so it’s okay that you did too.’

‘It was just time for you to know the truth,’ I add.

‘Well, thank you, miss Vanessa,’ Henry says. ‘Thank you for being honest with me.’

We arrive at the park and Henry and I sit on a park bench, while Kal runs wild, followed by a giggling Vanessa. I flinch a few times, thinking Kal is too wild to be playing with Vanessa, but he actually tones down a bit, checking in with her to make sure that she’s alright.

‘You have a sweet dog,’ I admit, not being able to look at Henry just yet. He is really close, I can almost feel the heat he is radiating through my coat, right onto my skin.

‘Yeah, he is sweet.’

‘And fat.’

‘Are you ever letting that go?’ Henry laughs.

I simply shrug. ‘I’m a vet, I just want the patients to be healthy.’ I try to look serious, but I can’t help but chuckle. ‘But I don’t think I can let it go, until Kal is sixty kilograms.’

‘But what if he is just a larger model?’ Henry tries, still not wanting to fully admit to the fact that he was overfeeding his pet and thus the main reason Kal is at least ten kilos too heavy.

‘He isn’t,’ I tell him. ‘He is large, sure, but I’ve seen American Akita’s who are a whole lot bigger than him, but still within the acceptable weight range.’

‘You’re one tough doctor, Olivia,’ he says with a smile. ‘You know, your daughter has quite the personality. Figured she’s just like you.’

I can’t help but laugh. ‘Yeah, people often say we’re basically twins.’

‘The fact that you told her about the Tooth Fairy being fake is admirable,’ he says.

‘I wanted her to spare the trauma I experienced,’ I say. ‘Besides, I don’t like lying to her, though everyone says it’s part of growing up.’

Henry nods and I can feel he wants to ask it. It’s always in people’s body language, when they want to know about the family situation. They clear their throat, avoid eye contact, rub their hands together and when they ask the question, they tilt their heads.

I decide that I’m not ready for a head tilt by the one and only Henry Cavill. ‘Her biological father didn’t want her,’ I say. ‘He broke up with me and disappeared out of my life, if that’s what you wanted to know.’

He sighs, a blush on his face, as if he is embarrassed that I caught on, before he even asked. ‘I don’t think I can ever understand those kind of men,’ he admits, staring at his dog and Vanessa. He leans forward, his elbows on his knees. ‘I mean, she’s a great kid, very in touch with her feelings and pretty smart too. Her biological father doesn’t know what he is missing out on.’

I don’t think I can ever understand those kind men. Did he honestly just say that? My entire body temporarily forgot how to function. Henry Cavill out there trying to steal my heart and with the rate he is going at, I’m willing to hand it over to him without putting up a fight. Her biological father doesn’t know what he is missing out on. That one went straight to my soul.

‘Well, he was an idiot anyways,’ I mumble. ‘Think I’m better off without him.’ I stare at Vanessa, who is chasing Kal, whose tail is wagging and he jumps around her like an idiot.

‘You are really better off without him,’ he says to me. ‘I don’t know the asshole, but I do know for a fact that you are better off without him. And Vanessa for that matter.’

I feel giddy, like a child before her birthday. ‘Listen, Henry, I’m sorry if she’s overstepping any boundaries. If you don’t want to pick her up, you don’t have to.’

‘I don’t mind, Olivia,’ he says. ‘She’s not overstepping any boundaries.’

I nod, not sure what to say. This isn’t helping with my fantasies, that I keep pushing back, postponing them to completely erupt when I’m in bed tonight. Belle is right: he oozes family man.

‘You’re doing a great job,’ he then says.

‘With what?’

‘Raising her.’

My cheeks flush. When was the last time I heard this, from someone other than Belle? I don’t think anyone has ever told me really… Except that one nurse in the hospital, when Vanessa was three and shoved a bead up her nose and I couldn’t stop crying. That event totally made me doubt my parental skills, until the nurse said that she dropped her infant on his head and he turned out to be fine.

‘I’m trying,’ I say, looking at my hands.

‘And that’s good enough,’ Henry whispers, but loud enough for me to hear it.

I need to contain the urge to just jump him, kissing his soft looking lips and allowing him to do things to me that I hadn’t done in such a long time.

Thankfully I have Vanessa, who always knows the exact moment I need her. ‘Mom, I had a little accident.’

When I look up, I see that she didn’t pee herself, but that she fell into the mud.

Face first.

Great.

Taglist: @thelastsock // @flhorah // @sausagefest1996 // @laufeysodinson // @xxxkatxo // @memoriesat30 // @henrythickcavill // @crimsonrae // @henryobsessed // @madbaddic7ed // @summersong69 // @lyrafraiser // @peakygroupie // @coldmuffinbanditshoe // @mary-ann84 // @thereisa8ella //@crazyandanonymous4u // @xuxszx // @emmaofgreengabbles // @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair // @onlyhenrys

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #mister cavill your dog is kinda fat #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x Olivia Tran

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years ago

Text

Ouroboros (S2, E8)

The hiatus almost killed me. So glad we have new content <3

As usual, my time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:04 - That scarf is so extra.

0:26 - OH LOOK THE FIRST SUNSHINE SIGHTING OF SEASON TWO!!! It only took 8 episodes. *insert eyeroll*

0:40 - Ugh. This montage makes me hate Hoxley. He embodies the type of human I abhor: self-important, egotistic, obsessed with appearance.

1:19 - “No I didn’t.” LMAO. Mr. David is so done with Martin’s bullshit.

1:36 - That makeshift shiv in the dude’s arm.....that’s Daryl’s shiv from a few episodes ago right? Am I going crazy?

2:25 - Sooooo Birdie hasn’t left New York? She’s moved into the Milton’s “Murrayville Building”. Huh. Wait. Was Birdie in the house when Malcolm and Ainsley fought? Do you think she heard?!? Birdie might become a problem for the Whitly’s later this season....I hope?

2:43 - Jessica doesn’t know about the contents of the fight. Interesting. How long has it been since the end of 2x7?

2:58 - “I’ll be there at 8.” hahaha OMG. I swear Malcolm was a terror during his ‘rebellious teenager’ phase.

3:38 - Yep. This fog horn reinforces the fact that I believe Hoxley is a dick.

3:40 - Awww.... the way Malcolm jumps/flinches at the fog horn is both hilarious and adorable.

3:58 - “And who the hell are you?” YES GIL. YES. Don’t let him talk like that to Malcolm <3

4:04 - Duuuuude. Gil looks pissed and scared. He does not like Europol snooping around his crimes. ALSO I’m like 95% sure that Gil knows (or at least has a hunch) that Malcolm is somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. I’m pretty sure Gil is scared that this dude is going to try and arrest Malcolm.

4:07 - OMG. JT is adorable. “You’re that guy. The mind sleuth.” Personal headcanon: JT read Hoxley’s book to try and understand Malcolm better.

4:22 - DANI IS MY QUEEN. SHE IS MY ICON. I LOVE HER SO FREAKING MUCH. “No.” This girl is fierce. <3

4:23 - <3 <3 Malcolm’s heart eyes, head tilt, and visible pride is so so so precious. THIS is why he’s attracted to Dani. She’s not afraid to assert herself.

4:31 - “And then took in his son.” ....Okay, so this infuriated me. Nothing Hoxley is saying is untrue. BUT something about the way he’s saying it just gets under my skin.

4:45 - I think Hoxley is pissing me off so much because he’s psychoanalyzing Malcolm in front three of the people Malcolm trusts and loves most in the world (3 out of a very very short list of people). He’s trying to humiliate Malcolm and I hate it. I hate that Dani, JT, and Gil haven’t told Hoxley to shut up. I hate that Hoxley is trying to drive stakes of doubt into the three people whose opinion Malcolm treasures.

5:25 - “Aim a little lower, Whitly.” and and and.....then Hoxley looks to the team as though he wants them to laugh. I’m furious.

5:32 - THANK YOU GIL. STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM MALCOLM

6:04 - Malcolm is so obvious. There’s no way that the team doesn’t know that he was involved with Endicott’s murder. If they didn’t before this episode - they HAVE to know now. Right? They’re detectives. Malcolm is a terrible liar.

7:00 - Oh. So now Ainsley cares about the crime. Now it’s “how much trouble are we in”. And let’s be real. Ainsley doesn’t even seem very worried or scared. She’s concerned that the crime will get out - she’s not sorry she committed the crime. She’s not sorry that her big brother tried to take the fall for her.

7:15 - “We said no more secrets.” ...when. When did you two say that? Was there a ‘fight part 2 - the tentative truce’ that we didn’t get to see?

7:33 - A mention of Sophie Sanders. Finally. I still hope she comes out of the woodwork and takes the fall for this. I want more closure on her. Did the team ever find out that Malcolm found her? How did the Eddie murder finally get resolved (I’m not satisfied with the “not every case gets solved” line)?

7:42 - Yo. I don’t care about the time constraint of a 45 minute episode. I don’t care that it was required to move the plot along. The fact that Ainsley starts typing frantically into the computer at about 7:42, stops typing at 7:47ish and has found at least 4 different articles relating to murdered random people (who apparently helped hide Endicott’s body?) is SO UNREALISTIC. I just can’t. I can’t suspend my disbelief on this one. The article headlines say nothing about ‘couriers’. It’s stuff like ‘Local fisherman found dead’. HOW THE HELL WOULD AINSLEY KNOW THEY WERE HELPING MALCOLM IN LESS THAN 10 SECONDS OF GOOGLING?!? Nope. I can’t justify this one. Fedak - you dropped the ball.

8:40 - Poor Malcolm looks terrified. :(

9:04 - My first impression of Natalie was that she’s a beautiful young lady who seems really sweet and a little socially awkward. Kudos to the actress.

9:41 - Another mention of Sophie. God - I hope she becomes a twist in this season’s storyline. I’m not content with how her story arc ended.

10:21 - “I didn’t have anything to do with Endicott’s death and neither did Jessica.” Yep. Gil definitely knows (or at least suspects) that Ainsley and Malcolm are somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. It’s killing me that we’re not getting the big “team and/or Gil find out and/or confront Malcolm about it” moment.

10:31 - OMG. Alan Cumming’s eyebrow wag here. hahahahaha

10:35 - Look at how pissed off Gil is as soon as Hoxley suggests that he and Jessica have a romantic history. 1) Gil still has it bad for Jessica (and is hurt that she rejected him again 2) Gil’s a pretty private dude and probably doesn’t like his personal business being speculated upon by a total stranger with ill intent 3) Gil is also getting protective of the Whitly’s. Not just Jessica but Malcolm (and maybe Ainsley) too.

10:58 - Europol agents aren’t allowed to make arrests?!? THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF HOXLEY’S CHARACTER?!? TO DRIVE DOUBT INTO THE MINDS OF THE TEAM WITH REGARDS TO MALCOLM?!? FOR REAL. WHY?! TO FORCE GIL TO ARREST MALCOLM AND AINSLEY?!?!

11:08 - “To watch you put the cuffs on Mr.Endicott’s killer. Deal?” “Deal.” oooooooohhhhhh no. I do not like the foreshadowing here. If Gil has to arrest Ainsley and/or Malcolm.....idek. Part of me wants to watch it for the emotional whump (of all parties - including Jessica). Part of me wants to ugly cry at the thought of it though.

11:39 - “How do you know so much about yachts?” ....THANK YOU JT. DANI HAS A STRANGE AMOUNT OF NAVAL KNOWLEDGE IN THIS EPISODE AND WE ALL KNOW “I watch a lot of Below Deck” IS UTTER HORSE CRAP. Ugh. I want to know more about Dani and JT’s personal lives. So. Badly.

11:44 - <3 <3 <3 The look Malcolm and JT exchange when Dani claims that she watches a lot of Below Deck is absolutely precious. It’s like they’re best friends and/or brothers. They both knew Dani was lying. <3

11:54 - “At least he’s the real deal.” Ouch. I honestly can’t tell if JT is just teasing Malcolm here or if JT genuinely believes this. ....Is this JT’s way to letting Malcolm know that he has suspicions about his involvement with Endicott’s death?

12:06 - “Says the guy who bought his book.” HA. Dani is on fire this episode. The snark queen. Look at how pleased Malcolm is that Dani is defending him. <3 Warms my cold dead heart.

12:09 - annnnndd now JT is definitely teasing Malcolm. “What our boy Bright needs is a moniker.” hahaha watching Dani and JT come up with stupid profiler monikers was so cute. I love it when the team gangs up to (lovingly) tease Malcolm.

12:30 - “No. Nothing yet.” Again - Malcolm is a terrible liar. The team must know that he’s involved with this thing. They’re detectives.

12:59 - Martin’s physical reaction to Malcolm saying, “No. That woman does not deserve to die.” Is HILARIOUS. Martin is so freaking desperate for Malcolm to become a serial killer that he doesn’t even care the Ainsley has already murdered someone.

13:19 - “He has a perfect track record.”.....what? So does that mean he’s solved every case he’s ever worked on? Taken credit for solving every case he’s ever work on? Hand picked the cases he works on so he knows he can solve them? Probably a combination of the above. Sometime about Hoxley reminds me of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. You feel me?

13:23 - The fact that Tom Payne (a Brit) is being told that Hoxley has “perfect teeth. For a Brit” by a Welsh man is hilarious.

13:34 - Does this fish packing joint have no security?!? Like Malcolm didn’t have to pick a lock or anything. He just walked right in (and he’s not being quiet).

13:51 - “I can think ruthless. I don’t know if I can be ruthless.” THIS. THIS is Malcolm in a nutshell. Think about Nicky Covington. Malcolm wanted to act ruthless but he couldn’t. He ended up saving Nicky because he couldn’t go through with his ruthless plan. That’s the difference between Malcolm and (quite frankly) the rest of his family. Jessica, Martin, and Ainsley can all be ruthless. All of them. Jessica on a lesser degree but Martin and Ainsley are confidently ruthless. Often.

13:57 - Ok. For real though. HOW HAS NO ONE OVERHEARD THESE PHONE CALLS BETWEEN MARTIN AND MALCOLM. THE PHONES HAVE TO BE TAPPED RIGHT?!? IN A SECURE MENTAL INSTITUTION FOR MURDERERS?!? and I stg that Mr. David knows things. That man is not a moron and he’s pieced stuff together (not from this scene obviously, but still).

14:13. - “Why don’t I break out.” The fact that Malcolm hasn’t mentioned that Martin wants to escape to anyone (since 2x4) is really stressing me out. I know Martin’s going to break out - the promos have made that very obvious but I’m still anxious about it. Mostly I’m worried for the health and safety of Malcolm (and Gil, Jessica, Dani, JT, Edrisa...).

14:17 - “We all go on the run together.” Martin is delusional. He thinks that the whole family will go on the run with him?!?!? He might be able to convince Ainsley. He might be able to blackmail or threaten Malcolm. BUT Jessica? She’s not going willingly. Hell - she might kill him herself if Martin escapes and tries to come near her (which.....I would actually kind of like to see).

14:48 - The fact that Malcolm apologizes to a corps is so precious. Really reinforces the fact that Malcolm is not a killer.

15:00 - Oh look. Another scene for Malcolm’s nightmares. “The time I cut off a dead guy’s thumb to protect my sister”

15:24 - annnndd Malcolm is really close to having a panic attack. Look at that face. :( Someone give this guy a hug. Please.

15:34 - Where the HELL is Edrisa!?!?!?

15:42 - Malcolm, you utter moron. What possessed your stupid ass to show up at a crime scene with a soaking wet arm and draw attention to your arm by shaking it?!?! WHEN THE BODY WAS JUST DRAGGED OUT OF A VAT OF WATER. AND YOU TAMPERED WITH THE BODY?!!? YOU DUMBASS.

15:52 - This is Gil - terrified. He’s scared because 1) he knows Malcolm is lying , 2) he’s concerned for Malcolm’s mental health and 3) he’s starting to think that either a) Malcolm killed this guy, b) Malcolm knows who killed this guy and is obstructing justice, or c) Hoxley is going to pin this on Malcolm and Gil won’t be able to save him.

16:14 - “I’m never buying frozen fish again.” hahaha Dani is killing it this episode. <3

16:23 - Check out how Gil is staring at Malcolm. Gil totally thinks Malcolm has the thumb.

16:50 - “Older model” Shit. Seriously? Are finger print scanners on phones old?!? My phone isn’t that old......I got it 6 years ago?

17:16 - MALCOLM IS A TERRIBLE LIAR. Honestly, the pure terror on his face throughout most of this episode screams “I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE MURDER.” If the team hasn’t pieced this together yet they’re not worthy of being detectives.

17:29 - I’m not going to lie. I had to fast forward through the Martin/Capshaw scenes for the rewatch. I find them so upsetting to watch. I just can’t do it more than once. Their whole dynamic is gross, creepy, and just ugh.

20:00 - Jessica and Hoxley talking about Endicott’s death is so satisfying.

20:35 - “Jessica Whitly. Played for a fool. Yet. Again.” Ok Hoxley. You are not allowed to disrespect my girl Jessica like that.

21:10 - The biggest problem with Jessica and Gil’s “mock interrogations” by Hoxley is that neither of them mention Ainsley or Malcolm. It’s super suspicious. They mention other people by name. People who should be connected to Ainsley and/or Malcolm given the context of the sentence. Hoxley is a moron for not nailing Ainsley and Malcolm for the crime during this episode. It’s so so so obvious.

21:19 - hahahahahahahaha Jessica grabbing the martini out of Hoxley’s hands. hahahahaha I stan.

21:35 - annnnnd Jessica is a terrible liar as well. Seriously - why doesn’t she just say “ENDICOTT WAS KILLED OVER HERE!!”. Another parallel between her and Malcolm though. Malcolm + Jessica can’t lie well. Ainsley + Martin are expert liars.

22:54 - Again. Ainsley is intrigued at the fact that Malcolm has a thumb in his freezer. Much like Martin would be if he knew. Jessica on the other hand shares Malcolm’s fear and disgust about the situation.

23:00- “We”?!!?!? AINSLEY YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. MALCOLM HAS BEEN COVERING FOR YOUR ASS. YOU JUST HAVEN’T TURNED YOURSELF IN AFTER YOU REMEMBERED. THAT’S YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO THE “KEEPING ENDICOTT’S MURDER A SECRET” SITUATION.

23:07 - “Do you even see what you are doing to him.” This line both terrified and delighted me. On one hand - I’m grateful that Jessica can see how much emotional pain Malcolm is in because of this situation. One the other hand - Ainsley looks pissed that Jessica is blaming her for Malcolm’s general brokenness. If Ainsley goes full serial killer - Malcolm is going to be on her list. “The brother that overshadowed her.” “The favourite child” “The reason she had to be a perfect daughter” “The reason she was ignored”

23:32 - “Got it.” Damn. Ainsley is bitter. She wants to control this situation. She doesn’t like taking orders from Malcolm.

25:00 - MR.DAVID IS RIGHT THERE. IF HE DOESN’T BLOW THE WHISTLE ON THIS I’M GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED.

25:12 -”The Brain Fart” hahahahaha OMG.

25:53 - “You’re being rude Hoxley.” ......Martin being the nice guy? I’m genuinely disgusted.

26:26 - “Your son Malcolm.” THIS. THIS is why Ainsley is so pissed off. Everyone has always thought Malcolm would turn out like Martin. Ever since they were kids. She’s pissed off that no one considers her to be a threat. They’re all concerned for and scared of Malcolm. Not her. She’s invisible. Why do you think she became a TV reporter? To force people to see her.

26:50 - I’ve never wanted to Martin to kill anyone more than I have in this moment. I do find Martin’s protective love for Malcolm interesting though.

27:37 - How long was that phone in water before Malcolm grabbed it?!? Anyone ever drop a phone in water? I don’t care how much rice you have. It’s toast 90% of the time.

27:44 - Malcolm explaining murder to Sunshine is so cute.

28:22 - And my heart rate has skyrocketed.

29:10 - “To protect your sister.” Huh. I find it interesting that Hoxley has considered that Malcolm may have killed Endicott to protect Ainsley. It suggests that he thinks Endicott was a threat to Ainsley alive. Makes me wonder about what happened to Ainsley before Malcolm got back to the house in 1x20.

29:16 - “You all had something to gain.” Did they though? Martin had something to gain - keeping his cushy Claremont cell. Ainsley had something to gain - “A news story.” Jessica had something to gain - “safety”. But Malcolm? He didn’t personally have anything to gain. He wanted his Mom and sister safe but he never thought about himself.

30:11 - “Perhaps the murder weapon is still among your mother’s silver.” I find it interesting Hoxley has pieced that together. I also find it highly unbelievable but that’s just me.

30:15 - Hoxely, rich people don’t carve their own Christmas roasts. The Whitly’s have staff for that.

30:24 - “You’re still just a scared little boy. Hungry for daddy’s love.” Ouch. It’s true but it still hurts. This is not helping Malcolm’s mental state. At all. Istg if we don’t get a Malcolm mental health crisis soon I’m going to have my own mental health crisis. Seriously. I want to see this boy lose it. I’m a monster. I know. I want ugly crying. I want panic attacks. I want him to go catatonic. I want someone to comfort him.

32:35 - Nat’s a good liar. Very convincing. Too bad Malcolm’s a good profiler.

33:53 - Check out Spider Monkey Malcolm. <3

34:14 - Earlier this episode when Malcolm said he can think ruthless but not be ruthless? This is the proof. He could’ve sat back and let Natalie kill Hoxley. In some ways - it would be good for Malcolm. But Malcolm’s not ruthless. He values human life. He’s an A+ dude. For better or for worse he tries to help people.

34:26 - Really Hoxley? Do you plan on stabbing Malcolm?!? (FYI - this scene is very reminiscent of Lockhart pulling his wand on Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets #justsaying).

34:45 - “I’m going to be killed by a millennial. What a twist.” hahahhahahahahhaa

35:22 - “I’m British.” hahaha I love this scene so much.

37:14 - FINALLY THE PAPA!GIL CONTENT WE”VE BEEN WAITING FOR. (it’s weak but I’ll take it)

37:39 - AHHHH the fact that Gil and Malcolm are both non-verbally communicating that Natalie didn’t kill Endicott is killing me. Does Malcolm think that Gil hates him? Does Gil really think Malcolm killed Endicott? Or just that Malcolm covered it up? I NEED TO KNOW.

37:46 - Concerned!Gil and a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder. <3 <3 <3 My icy heart has melted.

37:54 - annnnnd Hoxley ruins the moment.

39:39 - I’m not content with this ending. It’s all too convenient. Hoxley still thinks Ainsley and Malcolm did it. Mark my words. This isn’t over.

39:53 - Ainsley is so smug here. I want to slap her. She’s elated that she’s getting away with murder. She doesn’t care about how it’s hurting her family.

40:00 - Did they really do the interview inside Jessica’s house?!?! Gross.

40:17- I might be the only one but I love that polo on Malcolm. Something about it is adorable.

40:22 - ......is Ainsley really trying to take credit for “putting this Endicott mess behind us”?!?! Because - she didn’t. OMG. She absolutely didn’t. Even if she did - she’s the reason they’re in the mess to being with!!!!!!! I can’t. I just....can’t.

40:45 - The episode ends right here for me. I know Capshaw and Martin kiss. It makes me want to hurl and I refuse to watch it again. I also know that Capshaw takes the scissors away from Martin. I think their whole dynamic is upsetting and creepy. I’m like 95% sure that Capshaw is a serial killer on the DL. Or at least some sort of psychopath. Martin and Capshaw are both manipulating each other and it’s too stressful to watch.

I didn’t love this episode. It was a bit all over the place. If you stuck around this long - thank you. I’ll see you guys next week. <3

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even-after-a-millennia · 4 years ago

Text

Here Through the Dark and Beautiful

The third and final part of my What We Do For Family series is done! You can read it down below or over on ao3 here!

(Also, there’s a scene in a club and I definitely put together a self-indulgent playlist of what I wanted to play, so here that is as well.)

Five years into Nile Freeman’s immortality, her immortal family took a break from fighting and from each other. Well, sort of. Nicky and Joe went off to Malta, smiling profusely as they drove off. Andy and Quynh were going to stay right where they were, in the safe house in Greece, where if they looked out the window, they could see the glittering sea.

Which left Nile and Booker undecided on what they were going to do.

Nile didn’t even consider going somewhere on her own. She turned to him and shrugged. “I’ve never been to France?”

He chuckled, looking relieved. “Ma choupette, you will have to be a little more specific than that.”

She smiled, conceding the point. “The Louvre?”

“Nerd!” Quynh called from where she was sitting on the couch, her wife’s legs in her lap as Andy sprawled across the cushions.

Nile very maturely did not stick her tongue out at Quynh. She did wrinkle her nose at her, but that was not the same.

“Very well, Nile,” Booker said, smiling. “I will take you to the Louvre.”

After they packed their bags and headed out the door, Nile began to realize just what she had agreed to. The team had agreed to take a month off before they would reconvene at Copley’s house near London and get briefed on their new assignment.

So she would be spending a whole month with Booker.

Alone.

Which was fine! It was! It was just… once Nile had become an immortal and helped save Booker from Merrick, ever since that early morning conversation they’d had about taking care of their mental health, they had become friends. Surrounded by couples who loved them, they were the two loners. That morning’s conversation had been the first of many, spanning countless cups of coffee and missions. At this point, spanning years.

Nile loved her whole immortal family. She loved Nicky’s gentle warmth, his inability to let her go without food for a long period of time, his small, proud smile when she had finally disarmed him in a sword fight. She loved Joe, who painted with her and prayed with her, who would sleepily be there for her when she awoke with a nightmare. She loved Andy, her fierceness and her kindness, her mentor who listened when Nile spoke and asked Nile how to use technology. She loved Quynh, her fellow trickster, who clothes shopped with her and let her feel like a sister again when they did mischief together.

Nile loved Booker, who had been sober for four years now and worked every day to pull himself away from the darkness that had swallowed him five years ago. Whose scars on his heart were so similar to her own. Who understood when she gasped awake clutching her throat sometimes, even years after her first death, because he sometimes did the same. Who felt the ache of missing his family in a way that echoed hers.

She loved all of them.

The trouble was, she was falling in love with Booker. It had started slowly, based on their shared experiences and the friendship that they had built as the years had gone on, but she had felt herself start to fall for him about a year ago. A mission had gone bad and she had died very slowly. She had woken in the back of their escape vehicle with her head resting in Booker’s lap. His eyes, filled with worry and then relief, were the first thing that she saw. In that moment, she realized that she wanted to wake up looking at him, without having to die first, for the rest of her immortality.

And that terrified her a bit.

Nile was surrounded by some of the greatest love stories in history, not that history would ever know that. She knew it. She saw it. A love so deep it could span centuries of disagreements and fights and deaths. A love that could go to the bottom of the ocean and back. And through all that, to still look at the person who was their everything with love and certainty.

It was awe-inspiring.

She just didn’t know if she could ever have that.

But with Booker, she wanted to try. And that was what scared her.

“You okay, Nile? You’ve been quiet since we left,” Booker asked as they flew towards Paris.

“Hmm? Oh, sorry. Got a lot on my mind, I guess,” she said, trying to shrug it off.

“Wanna talk about it?” Booker asked, leaning closer until their shoulders brushed.

Nile smiled softly, but shook her head. “Nah, just thinking of all the art I’m going to see soon.”

Booker looked at her like he knew that she was bullshitting, but didn’t call her out on it, for which she was grateful. Even though they confided a lot in each other, they knew when not to press.

“Ah, yes. What are you looking forward to seeing most?”

“You did not just ask me that.”

Booker chuckled, holding up his hands. “Sorry, you know art isn’t my expertise.”

“Oh sure, mister forger, I’m sure there aren’t any art replicas out there that came from you,” Nile teased, poking him in the side.

Booker ducked his head. “I plead the Fifth.”

“You’re not American.”

“You are, are you not?”

“Well… technically, I guess.” Nile looked out the window, melancholy lancing through her. “Don’t you have to go to your home country every once in a while to claim citizenship?”

She felt Booker’s hand on hers. “I’m sorry, ma belle, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Nile took a deep breath and shook herself, trying to dispel the tidal wave of emotion that had hit her. Her movement jostled Booker’s hand and he pulled away.

Damn.

“It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I understand.”

She knew he did. Which is why she took a chance and slid a little closer, leaning her head on his shoulder. He was tense for a moment, then relaxed as she settled in.

“Sleep, Nile. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

“Thanks, Book,” Nile said, letting her eyes close and trying not to be obvious that she was breathing deeply, both to calm herself and to revel in the slightly pine-like smell that wafted off Booker’s neck.

________________________________________

Nile stood, ignoring the people walking around her, mouth open slightly as she stared at Nike’s statue.

“Isn’t it called The Winged Victory of Samothrace?” Booker asked from beside her, looking at the map in his hands.

Nile waved a hand at him, not looking away. “Nike means victory, Book. Keep up.”

“Ah. Of course.”

Nile couldn’t stop looking at the statue. “This has existed longer than Joe and Nicky. It’s older than Joe and Nicky combined.”

“Still young compared to Andy, though.”

Again, Nile waved a hand at Booker. “A lot of things are young compared to Andy, Book. That’s not a fair comparison.”

“True. I wonder if they have miniature versions of this in the gift shop,” Booker mused.

“Huh. Maybe,” Nile said, finally turning away to grin at him. “If not, I can just have you make one for me, huh?”

He laughed, throwing his head back. “You are overestimating my abilities.”

She laughed with him as they started moving again.

There was so much to look at that Nile had only ever seen in books before. It was almost overwhelming how much history they were looking at. She was happy that she could tell Booker about a lot of the art, to the point that he put the map in his pocket so he could just listen to what she was saying. Someone, another tourist, came up to her and asked her for more information once.

Nile was having the time of her life.

Then, as they were walking through a crowd to get to the next exhibit, she glanced across the room.

Standing there, unmistakably, was her brother.

Her hand shot out and grabbed Booker’s arm, gripping it tight.

“Nile? What’s wrong?” he said, going instantly on alert.

“That-” She couldn’t get the words out. She cleared her throat. “That’s my brother over there.”

“What?!”

Booker had turned to look too, but none of that mattered. Jordan turned, maybe sensing the eyes on him, and looked directly at Nile. And she got to watch as confusion, recognition, and devastation crossed over his face.

“NILE!” he shouted as he started to rush toward them.

“We need to leave,” she said through numb, unmoving lips.

“Go,” Booker said, putting something in her hand. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Quynh had taught her how to melt into a crowd and disappear her first year of being an immortal. Physically, it was so easy. Mentally, every step away from Jordan hurt her. But she couldn’t tell him the truth. She couldn’t come back to her family after five years of being dead and expect them to be okay. She couldn’t watch them get old, or sick, and die in front of her. Not while she didn’t age a day. It was better if she just stayed dead to them.

But God, it hurt.

She got far enough away to feel safe and ducked behind a pillar. She turned to Booker, only he wasn’t there.

“Book?”

But he was nowhere to be found. She felt something in her hand and looked down, remembering that he had put something there before she had left.

A comm earbud?

She quickly put it in her ear and heard her brother’s voice shout her name again. Nile sagged against the wall, a hand over her heart.

“Hey, man, can I help you?” she heard Booker say, only he didn’t sound like Booker. He sounded… American? What the hell?

“My sister, I just saw her here. Did you see her? Black woman, slim, with braids. Name of Nile Freeman?” her brother demanded.

“Nile Freeman? Wow, that’s not a name I’ve heard in a while.”

“You know her?” Jordan asked.

“I did. We were in the Marines together. We were on the same base. I’m really sorry, man. She was an amazing person.”

Jordan didn’t say anything. Nile strained her ears to hear anything. What was Booker doing?!

It sounded like Jordan let out a gust of air. “Yeah. She was. I’m sorry, I was sure I’d actually seen her this time.”

God, hearing that, Nile’s heart shattered.

“Grief sucks like that,” Booker said, and his voice was rough.

“Yeah, it really fucking does. I’m Jordan, by the way. Nile’s younger brother,” her brother said.

Booker huffed out a laugh. “Did your parents love rivers or something, to name both their kids after two?”

“My dad’s idea. My mom humored him.”

“From what Nile told me, she is a formidable woman. I’m Seb. Nice to meet you, Jordan.”

Nile jerked at Booker giving a form of his real name. Seriously, what was he doing?!

“Nice to meet you too. So you were on the same base as Nile?”

“Yeah, for what- eight months? I got shipped home just before... Well. You know. Heard about it from a buddy of mine. I’m truly sorry.”

There was silence, and Nile mentally begged Booker to keep talking. Luckily, he did.

“Nile was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. She radiated that to everyone. Kept candy in one of her TAC vest pockets to give to the kids she met. Strong too, just like her mom. I was lucky to be able to work with her, however limited a time it was.”

Jordan let out a gust of air.

“Nile would have loved it here,” he said. “She wanted to go to art school after her deployment, did she tell you that? Was always into this stuff. My mom didn’t know much about it, but wanted her to chase her passion. Just, we couldn’t afford it. So Nile enlisted. Scared the shit out of Mom, not that she would ever admit it.”

“How’s she doing? Your mom,” Booker asked.

“She’s a fighter, just like Nile was. There are still hard days, but she can look at Nile’s photo next to Dad’s and keep going. We can talk about her a bit more, now.”

Nile knew where her dad’s photo was. On her mom’s dresser, so every morning and every night, she would see him.

Now Nile’s picture was next to her dad’s.

She couldn’t stop the sob that emerged from deep in her chest.

“Could I get a picture? My roommate will never believe that I ran into Nile Freeman’s brother otherwise,” Booker said.

It sounded like he was distracted, wrapping up the conversation.

“Of course!”

“Hey man, good talking to you,” Booker said, voice warm.

“Yeah, thanks for the stories. Gotta keep her alive somehow, right?” Jordan said and Nile focused on his voice as hard as she could. This would probably be the last time she heard it.

“Definitely. Someone as amazing as Nile should never fully die. Take care, Jordan,” Booker said.

“You too, Seb. See you around.”

And he was gone.

Nile couldn’t stop sobbing.

“Nile, where are you? Nile! Please, you have to answer me,” Booker said over the comm.

Nile looked around the column she was hiding behind and gasped out the closest piece of art’s name.

“I’m coming, don’t move.”

A hysterical laugh broke through the sobs for a moment. Where would she even go?

Then he was in front of her.

“Oh, Nile. Can I hold you?” Booker asked, his voice breaking.

Nile threw herself into his arms and truly let go. She buried her face into Booker’s chest, hoping to contain the sounds of her sobs. They were secluded enough to avoid awkward stares, but she was still aware of the spectacle she must be making of herself. She started to take deep breaths, trying to stop crying.

It was only when she started to calm that she could hear Booker’s soft murmurs of “I’m sorry, you’ll be okay, I know how you feel and I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, ma chérie, we’ll get through this together…”

It only made her hold him tighter.

Finally, she calmed and straightened from being hunched into Booker’s chest.

“I’m so sorry, Nile, I should have just come with you. I thought- well, it doesn’t matter. I’m truly sorry,” Booker said.

When she looked up at him, she saw his eyes were wet too, a few tears making their way down his cheeks.

She shook her head, reaching up to wipe his tears. “You gave me my brother back, Book, for however short a time. Thank you.”

Her hands were still on his face, cupping his jaw. She slid them over his jaw, to the back of his neck, and pulled slightly. Booker was almost half a foot taller than her, but he compressed himself to be shorter until their forehead met.

She closed her puffy eyes and just stayed there a moment.

“Thank you,” she said again, whispering this time.

“You’re welcome.”

She felt the puff of his breath against her face as he spoke. It would be so easy to lean a little bit more in, close that distance...

But she couldn’t. Not right now, when she still felt like she was dying a bit inside.

Pulling away, she said, “I think we should go. That okay with you?”

“Of course, Nile. You didn’t even have to ask.”

They got back to his flat, not talking as they walked in.

“You should know, I recorded the conversation with Jordan on my phone. And um, here,” Booker said, holding out his phone. “I thought you would want to have this.”

Nile took the phone, knowing what she would see. It didn’t hurt any less as she looked at Jordan’s face, smiling with his arm around Booker’s shoulder.

She was crying again before she even realized it.

“God, Book. I miss him,” she sobbed. Her legs gave out and Booker scooped her into his arms and carried her to the couch. He sat and pulled her close, starting to murmur comfort again as she lost herself once again.

It took much longer to even begin to pull herself together this time. It was dark out and she felt exhausted, mentally and physically. Booker’s leg had to be asleep underneath her, but he just kept brushing his hand up and down her spine, trying to soothe her.

“I think we should leave Paris tomorrow,” she said, her voice hoarse from crying.

“That would probably be best,” Booker agreed. “Where would you like to go?”

Nile buried her face into his chest, overwhelmed. “Can I decide later?”

“Of course, Nile.”

“Or you could choose this time,” she said, voice muffled by his shirt.

He paused, thinking. “We have a safe house near Amsterdam. There are many art museums there, including the Van Gogh Museum. If you would like.”

This is why I love you. The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she keeps them there.

She pushed herself up so that she was able to look at him. His hair was flopping into his face and she didn’t stop herself from pushing it back in place. Booker’s gaze changed somehow, from caring to… a closed off kind of caring, where he wasn’t sure what was going on, but still cared about her.

“I would love that. Thank you, Sebastien,” she said. Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

She pulled away quickly and didn’t look at him as she stood up. “I’m gonna go lie down, try to sleep for a bit. Can you make arrangements for Amsterdam?”

He grunted in affirmation and she fled down the hall. She couldn’t stop herself from glancing back before she left the room, only to see Booker staring at nothing, his hand on the cheek she had kissed.

Well, that’s promising.

It wasn’t until she was in bed that she realized she had called him Sebastien, not Booker.

Well...

Shit.

_____________________________________________

They didn’t talk much as they traveled to the Netherlands. Nile didn’t mind, she was too tired to tackle any of the emotional options that could have been topics of discussion. She could feel Booker glancing at her every now and then, but she just pretended to fall asleep against the train’s window.

She couldn’t consider falling asleep on his shoulder again. She was already feeling fragile. Putting herself out there was not in the cards right now.

They took a taxi to get to the safe house from the train station, paying the driver in cash when they arrived. Booker thanked him in Dutch, which was not a language that Nile had started to learn yet, and they walked up the steps to the front door.

“Booker, wait,” Nile said, grabbing his arm. She had seen a figure through the door’s frosted glass.

There was someone inside the house.

“It’s okay, Nile,” Booker said. “It’s just-”

Andy opened the door. “Hey, kid.”

Nile blinked at her. “You’re supposed to be in Greece.”

Andy shrugged. “All that sun wasn’t agreeing with me,” she said drily.

Nile turned on Booker. “Book…”

He held up his hands. “I just told them what happened. They wanted to be here for you.”

“They?!”

“Hello, little sister,” Quynh said, coming forward from behind Andy.

Nile swallowed hard at the endearment, emotion swelling in her chest. “Quynh…”

“May I?” Quynh asked, holding out her arms.

Nile could only nod as she stepped forward into Quynh’s embrace. Andy’s hand came to clasp Nile's shoulder as they hugged, and Nile took a deep, shaky breath.

She disengaged, wiping a stray tear that had leaked out. “I’m glad, I thought when Book said ‘they’ he meant-”

A car door slammed behind them.

“We’re here! Sorry we’re late, Nicky was driving for a bit and suddenly we were in Belgium,” Joe’s voice rang out from behind them and Nile turned to see him and Nicky coming up the walkway. Their car was parked haphazardly at the curb.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she muttered, tearing up against her will.

As Nicky and Joe got closer, she took a deep breath, overwhelmed. “I need a minute,” she said abruptly, darting past Quynh and Andy into the house. She went into the first room she could find and shut the door.

Turns out she was in the bathroom.

She gripped the edges of the sink, hunched over the basin.

Nile wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling, the emotions were twisted inside her so much that she couldn’t parse them out. She made herself breathe and think.

Okay, Nile. What’s wrong?

She thought about the most obvious answer, her brother’s face as they made eye contact, and flinched away from the memory. She had missed her family for so long that the emotional wound had scabbed over. It was always there, she always felt the pain and some times were worse than others, but she was able to keep going. Seeing Jordan had ripped that scab off. She felt like she was bleeding internally. Even though she was glad she had been able to hear Booker talk to him… even that hurt. She was aching for her family.

So why was she not glad to see her immortal family?

She hadn’t asked them to come. Hadn’t wanted to bother them from their vacations. And she knew that she could handle this by herself. She had survived the pain of losing her brother and mom this long, why did they seem to think that she couldn’t get through this?

Oh.

Nile understood what she was feeling now.

She was sad, yes. But she was also angry.

When she had first joined Andy’s little band of immortal warriors, she had felt the difference of age between them and herself. Andy to this day called her “kid.” Thank God Booker had gone away from saying the same, that would have made any feelings she had for him incredibly awkward. It wasn’t like she wasn’t aware of how young she was compared to the others. But she was a goddamn adult. She had gone through loss before and knew she would go through more, but she also knew that she could get through that herself. For everyone to drop everything and come here made her feel like they thought she couldn’t.

That was what was rubbing her the wrong way here.

Nile took a deep breath and turned on the hot water. She found a washcloth in the cupboard under the sink and wet it once the water was warm. Slowly, gently, she washed her face, breathing deeply as she did so. She wrung out the washcloth and dabbed her face dry on the hand towel hanging on the wall.

Then she looked back into the mirror.

The anger had lessened, now that it had been acknowledged. The pain was still there, right below the surface. But she straightened her shoulders and nodded to herself.

She’s got this.

The other immortals had moved from the doorway into the living room. None of them were sitting, though, and they all turned immediately when she walked into the room.

“Sorry about that, needed a second to go to the bathroom. Hey guys!” she said, opening her arms and pulling Joe into a hug.

“Nile-” Nicky said as she turned to embrace him as well, so she hugged him extra tight, just to quiet him a moment.

“You guys didn’t have to rush here and ruin your vacations,” she said, making sure to keep the smile on her face, to keep the edge out of her voice.

“Nile-”

“You couldn’t have even gotten to Malta before you were turning around to come here,” Nile continued as she pulled away from Nicky.

“Nile, per favore,” Nicky said beseechingly.

Nile swallowed and looked at him hesitantly. His eyes were attentive and tired. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Nile slumped into herself. She sat on the chair, away from the others and they followed suit, sitting around the room. Nicky, Joe, Quynh, and Andy squeezed onto the couch and Booker took the other chair, the closest seat to Nile.

“No,” she answered honestly, feeling weighed down with grief and anger. She forced her chin up, her shoulders square. “But I will be.”

There were nods around the room. Nile made eye contact with Booker and could see the understanding radiating from his eyes. She gave him a small smile.

“We should have asked this from the beginning. What do you need, Nile? What can we do?” Joe asked.

She considered. What did she want? There were hard answers to that question. She wanted to see her mother. She wanted to hug her brother.

She wanted to forget for a bit that she was immortal, and all the hurt that came with that.

Nile went with the easiest answer.

“I wanna go dancing,” she declared, raising her chin as she said it.

The others blinked.

Booker let out a chuckle. “We are in Amsterdam. I’m sure we can find somewhere to dance.”

“Don’t you think that we will stand out?” Nicky asked.

Nile shrugged. “Honestly, probably not. You just jump up and down all night, that would be enough. I’m sure you can figure out grinding in about two seconds or less, so that’s two dance moves right there, one for slow dances and one for fast ones!”

Andy shrugged. “Alright, but don’t get mad if we are bad.”

“We’re really going?” Quynh asked, looking excited.

Everyone looked around and nodded.

Nicky sighed. “For Nile, yes.”

“For Nile!” Quynh shouted, raising a fist in the air. Nile smiled, thinking how many times Quynh might have rallied that way throughout the centuries. She shook herself. No, tonight was to forget about immortality.

“Alright, we’re going to need supplies to do this right,” Nile said, pulling out her phone and starting to write a list. “I’ve got an outfit that’ll do, but I’ll need to look at your guy’s luggage to see if something works. Book, you brought that dark blue button down, right?”

He nodded.

Nile stared at her phone as she said, “Your eyes pop with that and it makes your muscles look fantastic, so that would be a good choice. The pants you’re wearing will be fine and your boots. Quynh, can you show me you and Andy’s options? Joe, I’ll send you the list. Get Nicky something that isn’t a cotton t-shirt when you’re out.”

Joe grinned at his husband who looked less enthused at the idea. “With pleasure.”

“Okay, let’s get going!”

Nile helped pick out Quynh and Andy’s looks as Joe and Nicky grocery shopped. Joe and Nicky brought back groceries, including alcohol, and outfits for themselves. The grey short sleeved button down did wonderful things to Nicky’s eyes and Joe went with a black tank top, which showed off his shoulders.

Sidling up to Booker as he helped put away groceries, Nile whispered, “Ten bucks that Joe and Nicky start defiling the dance floor?”

Booker laughed loudly. “I don’t make bets that I know I will lose, Nile. That’s Nicky’s job.”

Nile pouted, but soon rallied. “We are all gonna look so good, people are gonna be so jealous when they realize Joe and Nicky, and Andy and Quynh are together!”

“Ah,” Booker said, looking down at the counter. “Nile. If you wish to go home with someone tonight, I only ask that you keep your phone on you. Just in case.”

Nile blinked. She hadn’t even thought about that. Hadn’t planned to try to pick anyone up. She was trying to forget about her immortality, right? Just for the night? That could be a good way to help forget. But… she didn’t want to.

“Thanks, but that’s not what I want from tonight,” she replied, keeping her tone light.

Booker nodded. She did notice his shoulders relaxed as she walked away.

They had some down time before they should start to get ready, but Nile couldn’t settle. She ended up doing her eye makeup while she waited, wanting something to do.

Andy knocked on the open door of the bathroom to announce that supper was ready.

“Awesome, just gimme a minute and I’ll be good to go,” Nile said, curling her eyelashes.

Andy leaned against the doorway. “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth,” she said.

“For what?” Nile said, now putting on mascara.

“For treating you like a kid sometimes. When I first saw Joe’s drawing of you, I thought, ‘she’s just a baby,’ but you’ve proved time and time again that you can handle yourself. We should have considered that. I think,” Andy cut off, sighing. “I think we wanted to be there for you, the way we hadn’t been for Booker. To make up for not noticing how bad it was for him.”

Andy looked at Nile, who stared at her, shocked and touched. “We were thinking of ourselves and what we needed more than you. That wasn’t fair to either of you, and I’m sorry.”

Nile put the wand back in the mascara tube and dropped it on the counter, not caring where it fell. She hopped off the counter and hugged Andy. She felt Andy’s hand cup the back of her neck and relaxed into the embrace.

“Thank you for that, Andy,” Nile murmured.

She let out a breath and felt the last traces of her anger fade away.

___________________________________

Nile was decidedly tipsy as they made their way to the nightclub that Booker had found for their night out. With her fast healing, she’d had to pregame a lot more than back when she was younger and well, mortal - no, she wasn’t thinking about that - and had drunk about half a bottle of vodka to feel as loose and happy as she did right now.

Booker himself hadn’t touched the alcohol and Nile felt a stab of guilt for getting so much, when he had been so good at staying sober.

He must have noticed her expression, as he shook his head at her. “It’s fine, Nile. I want you to have a fun night, and if you wish to imbibe, I understand.” He gave her a crooked grin. “I won’t give in to peer pressure.”

She was suddenly overwhelmed with pride and affection for him and didn’t stop herself from going up on tiptoe and kissing him on the cheek. “Proud of you, Book,” she murmured as she pulled away.

Everyone else in their immortal family saw it, but no one said anything, for which Nile was somewhat grateful.

She also really wanted to talk to someone about Booker. She was relieved when Quynh leaned against the doorway, much like her wife had done a few hours ago, and asked Nile as she was doing her contouring, “So, you and Booker, huh?”

Nile bobbled the brush she had been using but caught it before it could truly fall. She turned and closed the door, then turned on some random playlist on her phone, then turned back to Quynh.

“Quynh, I don’t know what to do,” she said honestly.

“Talk to me, little sister,” Quynh said, reaching out to hold one of Nile's hands.

Nile took a deep breath. She hadn’t ever said any of this out loud and the prospect of it being out there, acknowledged by someone else, was terrifying and exhilarating.

“I love him, Quynh,” she said in a rush. Her eyes grew wide and she felt tears start and covered her mouth with her free hand. “Holy shit, I haven’t said that out loud before.”

“How’s it feel?” Quynh asked with a small smile, like she was holding it in until she heard Nile’s answer.

“Amazing,” Nile said, lowering her hand so that Quynh could see her teary, but wide, smile.

Quynh’s smile mirrored her own.

“I love Sebastien le Livre,” Nile murmured, looking at the door.

“Do you have a plan?” Quynh asked.

Nile shook her head. “What if… I mean, he was married before. I don’t even know if he feels the same. Or if he does, if he’ll let himself start anything.”

“Well, Nile,” Quynh said, “it sounds like you should sit down and talk with him. Talk about what you want. See if he wants the same. At least after that, you will know.”

Quynh’s grin returned. “But maybe do that later. Tonight, we dance!”

The atmosphere in the club was exactly what Nile needed as they walked in. It was dark and the lights flashed often enough to give people momentary identities before they were mostly cloaked in darkness again. The music was pumping out of huge speakers.

The other immortals didn’t look as enthused as Nile was, but they dutifully followed her onto the dance floor. It was just EDM playing at the moment, so Nile took the time to show a few moves that Quynh took great pleasure in replicating.

Soon though, a new song came on and Quynh’s eyes lit up with an idea. She grabbed Andy and they started to swing dance, right there in the club. It fit strangely well with the music, even though it was very much a modern song. Joe and Nicky started to do the same, grins on their face. Booker held out a hand to Nile and she took it eagerly. She replicated the steps that Andy and Quynh were doing and followed Booker’s lead, laughing loudly when they got off from the beat and Booker swore as he spun her out and back to reset them.

By the time that song faded out, Nile was breathing heavily and her cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

The next song came on and it was slower, at least at the beginning, and Nile heard the lyrics, “I pray to God, I just don’t know anymore,” and felt like a sledgehammer had hit her over the head. That had happened that time in-

No, tonight was about forgetting! She wasn’t going to think about that!

She danced noncommittally to that song, even when it picked up. The next song started up and Nile recognized it instantly. “Turn Down for What” had been featured at far too many dances for her NOT to know it.

Nile took great pleasure in shaking her hips from side to side as the song continued.

“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!” she roared along with most of the club.

The moment that the next song’s first notes came on, the club went wild.

People all around the world went crazy for Beyonce.

Nile wrinkled her nose at the line about Monica Lewinsky, cause she was a cool lady it turned out, and didn’t deserve to be turned into a synonym for a blow job. Otherwise, she rolled her body and even let a guy come up behind her and grind with her. The moment that the French section of the song came on, though, her concentration broke and she looked for Booker. He was bobbing from side to side and as the French section continued, his head cocked to the side and his eyebrows went up. He looked over at her and she smirked at him, gesturing to the part of the dancefloor that Nicky and Joe were currently defiling, just as she had predicted.

He looked over, then back at her, and shook his head. She could tell that he was laughing, his shoulders going up and down even though she couldn’t hear him from this far away.

She broke away from the guy she had been dancing with, giving him a small smile, and made her way to Booker. As she moved, the song changed and she grinned.

“You know when I said you just jump up and down? This is a great example of that!” Nile shouted to her little group.

The entire club was bouncing as the chorus rang out. If Nile didn’t heal, she knew her calves would be sore tomorrow.

No, she wasn’t thinking about it!

Nile let herself dance mindlessly through the next few songs, not understanding one song as it was in Italian and willfully ignoring the next one that sang about being lonely together. She didn’t want to think about why she was lonely.

Then the next song came on and she started jumping along until she heard the lyrics, “Party til we die!”

Except she couldn’t die. She was immortal and she had lost her family just as much as they had lost her and God, it hurt.

She didn’t realize that she was just standing there, staring into space, until Joe’s hand brushed against her arm. Nile shook herself and shouted, “I’m gonna go get another drink!”

She made her way through the crowd to get to the bar before any of them could respond. Once she got there though, she ended up just asking for water. She didn’t want to follow the path of self-loathing and self-destruction that Booker had taken before he had nearly destroyed himself entirely. While it might be melodramatic to think that a drink in a club would lead down that path, Nile didn’t want to push herself.

She did, however, block out the rest of the song until it finished.

“I love my friends and my friends love me. Like all the time, they’re right beside me. We’ve got each other for eternity. Like all the time, they’re right beside me,” the new song sang.

Nile let out a shaky breath.

She wasn’t alone.

She turned and saw her new family across the room. They looked back at her with love in their eyes, and suddenly, there was too much space between her and them. She pushed gently through the crowd until she was back in their little bubble.

They closed rank around her and wrapped their arms around her. They swayed slowly to the song even though it was fast paced and Nile felt so loved.

“Thanks, guys,” Nile said, smiling around at her immortal family.

They broke apart for the next song and Quynh grabbed Nile’s hand so they would dance together. Nile ended up cackling at the exaggerated come hither faces that Quynh made at her and pulled Quynh in for a hug.

“Thank you, Quynh. For being my big sister and for just. Well. Being here.”

Quynh’s arm wrapped around her and pulled her in tight.

The song that came on next was slow and beautiful and as Nile listened to the lyrics, she knew she had to find Book. He was watching Nicky and Joe sway back and forth with a small smile on his face. She walked up and tapped him on the shoulder.

He looked at her and his smile gentled even more.

“Wanna dance?” she asked.

“Yes, ma belle, I would love to dance with you,” he answered.

“I never thought in a million years, in a million years, oh It would be you,” the song rang out.

Nile hands ended up on the back of Booker’s neck, as Booker’s hands stayed firmly on her waist. She did see his eye flutter shut as her fingers scratched through the short hairs there, and she smirked.

“I just can't get you out my mind, So infatuated.”

Okay, the lyrics were a bit too on the nose, but she just pulled Booker closer and let them sway. She could hear his heart from where her head rested against his chest, and was suddenly so glad that their immortality existed because there was no other way that they would have been able to meet.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it. Immortality was a fact of her life, like the fact her dad was dead and the sky was blue. Some things couldn’t be changed and fighting her immortality would only hurt herself and her new family. She had seen the worst of what fighting his immortality had done to Booker.

She would make a different path for herself.

It would be painful and there would be days that she would feel like she was dying inside. But she knew that she could do it. She was strong. She had already been through so much and she was still here. And she had her family to reach out to.

Nile had Booker to reach out to.

The song wound down and Nile placed a kiss where she had just been resting her head. Booker’s hands tightened minutely, then he let go.

“Forever young, I wanna be forever young.”

Okay. Who had chosen this song. Nile started laughing and she couldn’t stop. Her hooting attracted some attention but she didn’t care. The irony was just too much.

“You good?” Andy asked, smiling slightly as she raised an eyebrow.

“Yes! Sorry, I just - ahahaha - this song!” Nile answered incoherently.

She calmed as the song continued, though giggled as Joe busted out some truly ridiculous disco moves. Nicky looked at him with love in his eyes, even as he too, laughed at his husband.

Nile looked around and felt suddenly content. She hadn’t been expecting it. But as she watched her little family indulge her need for normality, or what used to be her version of normality, she felt okay again.

She reached out and grabbed Booker’s hand and squeezed. He looked startled at first, then saw her smile and returned it without thinking.

“Home we’ll goooooo, home we’ll go.”

Nile turned her grin to the entire group and nodded.

“I’m ready to go home.”

_____________________________________

It didn’t take long for Booker and Nile to be the only ones left in the living room when they got home. Nicky and Joe were up the stairs in a flash, and Nile definitely saw a little ass grabbage as they made their way up to the main bedroom. Quynh and Andy had some water, then Quynh gave Andy a look and they were off to the spare bedroom.

“The couch is a pullout, by the way,” Andy threw over her shoulder as they went.

Nile laughed. “Cheers.”

She turned to Booker, still laughing, but he was looking at the couch with trepidation.

“I can take the floor,” he offered.

“Book,” she huffed.

“It is the gentlemanly thing to do,” he insisted.

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t remember asking you to be a gentleman, Sebastien.”

His eyes darkened at her use of his real name. He swallowed and looked away.

Dammit.

“If that’s what you want, Book, I’m not gonna stop you,” Nile said, going to her bag. “I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

She emerged, clean and without makeup, about half an hour later. The bed was out and Booker was sitting at the dining table, a cup of untouched tea in front of him. Nile settled in the chair next to him and stole the tea, taking a sip.

“Talk to me,” she said.

She had said the same thing so many times over the years that they had known each other. They had been there for each other while they were both going through therapy, on anniversaries of things that made it hard to get out of bed that day, and in so many other ways.

He let out a gust of breath. “Tonight was fun for you, right?”

Nile considered. “It was hard at times. I had gone to forget about immortality and my family, only to realize that there was no forgetting. But you guys being there helped. It was nice to dance. So yeah, I had fun.”

Booker nodded. “I noticed, there was that man you were, uh, dancing with. You didn’t change your mind? Want to go home with him?”

“Nah,” Nile said. She decided to take a chance. “Even when I was dancing with him, I started thinking about you.”

He stared at her. “Me?”

“Yeah, Seb. I don’t think that going home with that guy would have been very fulfilling. I think...” she said slowly as she stared down into Booker’s cup of tea, slightly anxious, “I think that no one out there could compare to who I came home with anyway.”

She plucked up her nerve and looked right at Booker when she finished speaking. He was staring at her, eyes wide.

“Ma chérie, you don’t believe-”

“You calling me a liar, Sebastien?” Nile said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No, I would never, but- I mean - I’m just. Nile,” he said, flabbergasted.

She leaned towards him, putting a hand on his arm. “You’re worth a whole lot more than you think, Book. I see how hard you try to be better, for yourself and for everyone else. I see how much your demons cling and how you still get up every day and keep going. I see you. And I think you’re worth everything.”

Her heart was pounding. This was as close to a declaration of her feelings as she had ever come to. Though he had given promising signs in the past, there was no actual guarantee that Booker felt the same towards her.

“Nile, mon ange,” Booker breathed, pulling her close and resting his forehead against her. “Forgive me, I am a little overwhelmed.”

“Take your time, Book,” Nile said sincerely, closing her eyes and listening to her heart beating and his breathing.

They sat there silently for a while, forehead to forehead. As time passed, Nile calmed and all she felt was content.

He reached up and stroked her cheek as he pulled his head slightly away from hers. “I think that I started to fall for you the moment that you pushed Merrick out of the window and fell to the street with him,” he admitted. “I fought it for a long time, because of shame. Shame in myself. Shame at what my family would think. And then,” he stopped, looking away from Nile and took a breath, blowing it out in a gust. “I finally talked about my feelings for you with the therapist that you helped me find.”

Book turned to look her in the eye and Nile felt like she could melt at the warmth in his gaze. “She said that loving you wasn’t replacing the ones that I had loved before. That I could love them and love you. I don’t have to choose between one and the other. And suddenly, I heard my Marie’s voice in my head for the first time in a century.”

His eyes filled with tears and Nile reached up and cupped his cheeks, wiping a tear that fell. He smiled gently at her and pushed on. “She told me that I was the love of her life, but I will live many lifetimes, and she didn’t want me to be alone. I used to hear her all the time, before. She was my conscience and my guiding light. Ever since I lost her, and our boys, I’ve been lost. I love our immortal family, please don’t mistake me. But I used to feel alone, even when they were all in the room. That feeling led to terrible things. And then you led my new family to me and saved me. And since then, I’ve found a new source of light.”

Nile’s eyes filled with tears too. “Sebastien…”

“Mon dieu, Nile, I love when you say my name,” Booker breathed.

She grinned. “You gonna kiss me, Sebastien?”

“Mon bonheur…” His eyes were wide and she could see his heart in them.

“I don’t know that one, Seb. You’re gonna have to translate.”

“My happiness,” Sebastien said with a small smile.

Nile smiled and her eyes crinkled, it was so wide. The tears that had collected in them spilled over and she realized that Sebastien was crying too.

His hand cupped her cheek gently, almost reverently, and they closed the distance between them. At first, their lips only pressed together. Then Nile’s hand came up to the back of Booker’s neck to pull him closer and the dynamic changed. It was still slow but their mouths moved together. Booker’s tongue laved at her lower lip. Nile trapped Booker’s lower lip between hers and sucked it into her mouth. She remembered how much he seemed to like it when she ran her fingers through the short hairs at the nape of his neck and did so again, then gave a soft pull.

He shuddered.

“Seb,” she whispered, kissing his cheek and then leaning closer to speak into his ear. “We don’t have to do anything tonight, but do you want to go lie down?”

Booker nodded eagerly.

The pull out bed wasn’t very comfortable. But Nile lay half on top of Booker and he pulled her close, kissing behind her ear, down her jaw, and back to her lips. And then everything else didn’t matter.

She woke up the next day still in his arms. Remembering the thought she’d had, realizing she wanted to wake up looking at him for the rest of her immortality, Nile smiled.

This morning was the start of an eternity of waking up together.

She kissed his chest before extracting herself from his arms. He grumbled in his sleep, then settled.

Quynh and Nicky were already in the kitchen when she stumbled in. Quynh smiled widely at her and Nicky raised an eyebrow.

“Hi guys…” Nile said warily. The look on their faces made her want to go crawl back into bed.

“So, do you want us to clear out today so you can start your sexcation?” Quynh asked with a shit eating grin on her face.

“Oh my god,” Nile said. She hadn’t even had coffee yet.

She filled a cup and chugged it. Nicky’s eyebrow joined its fellow near his hairline.

Nile set the cup down. “Maybe. We aren’t there yet. But I’d rather not get there with you guys in the next room.” She refilled the cup and started drinking again, slower this time. “Not like you don’t have sexcations to get to of your own.”

Quynh nodded and Nicky’s eyebrows finally went down as the corners of his lips curled up.

“Also, that pull out is made out of lumps and I’d rather have a better bed for our first time. Though I don’t really care about the location that much. Just that it’ll be him,” Nile said thoughtfully.

There was a sound of someone choking from the hallway. Nile turned to see Booker standing there, his face going a deep red color.

“Good morning,” she said, ignoring the fact that he had heard her. “Want some coffee?”

“Nile,” he said, his voice rough from sleep and emotion.

“Yes, Sebastien?”

“I- You- Merde,” he hissed, taking two steps and leaning down to kiss her where she sat. She met his lips gladly. This was no gentle press.

Well. It seems once she got passed the gentlemanly facade, they could really have some fun.

She pulled away from him long enough to look at Quynh and Nicky and raise an eyebrow. “Don’t you have somewhere to be? People to get out of bed, woo, and get into a different bed at a different place? Please?”

Quynh laughed. “Subtle, little sister.” She stood and flapped her hands at Booker until he took a step back. “Sisters before misters,” she teased before she gave Nile a hug. “We’ll be out of the house in less than a half an hour. Think you can wait that long?”

Nile giggled, then nodded. “Thank you, Quynh. I love you.”

Nicky was next, once Quynh pulled away. He kissed her forehead. “We’ll see you in a month, Nile,” he said, his eyes smiling at her.

“Enjoy Malta.”

He smirked. “We will.”

Nile stayed at the table and Booker made her toast and eggs. Quynh and Andy were out the door first, Andy stopping to give both of them hugs on the way out. Joe took longer to rouse, so Nicky was going to drive first.

“We’ll call you for directions when we end up in Lithuania,” Joe said with a sleepy smile as they said goodbye.

Nile laughed. “See you soon. Love you guys.”

“Love you, our little river!” Joe called as he got into the vehicle.

She shook her head at them but waved as they drove away.

Closing the door, she found Booker doing the dishes from breakfast. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his stomach.

A sudsy hand rested against where hers were clasped.

Nile let out a huge sigh.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, nuzzling his back. “Sometimes it just shocks me the extremes of emotions that people can feel at once.”

“Talk to me,” he said and she smiled and pressed a kiss against his spine.

“I love this family. So much. And they exasperate me and challenge me and take care of me and I love them.” She took a deep breath, then forged on. “I love my family. I miss them so badly sometimes it makes my chest ache, and I know that pain will never fully go away. But I’ll carry it with me cause otherwise, I can’t carry my love for them too.”

She paused and raised on tiptoe to kiss his neck. “I love you,” she said. “And that feels a bit like a miracle still. Maybe someday it’ll feel as naturally as breathing like it seems to be for the others. But for now, I just want to revel in it.”

Booker was shaking. Nile could feel it against her chest.

“Seb? You okay?”

He sniffled. “Oui, mon bonheur. Ça va bien,” he murmured.

He turned in her arms until she could see the tears on his face. “You just put how I feel into words. I love our new family. I miss Marie and our boys.” He took a deep breath and looked down at her. “And I love you. I love you so much.”

“Seb…”

They pulled each other close and Nile let her own tears come.

Immortality would bring with it times that were hard and times that will be beautiful. She knew she could handle them. Especially with her family by her side. Especially with Sebastien with her.

“Oh, by the way,” she said, pulling back from him a bit. “I think I’m finally going to go to art school.”

She grinned. “Wanna model for me?”

Translations: Ma choupette - my little cabbage, in an endearing way Ma belle - my beautiful Per favore - please Ma chérie - my darling mon ange - my angel Mon dieu - my God Mon bonheur - my happiness Merde - shit Oui, mon bonheur. Ça va bien - Yes, my happiness. I'm okay

#nile freeman #sebastien le livre #aka booker #book of nile #booker x nile #yusuf al kaysani #aka joe #nicoló di genova #aka nicky #andromache the scythian #andy #quynh #nile and quynh brotp #fanfic #my fic

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ak8shi · 4 years ago

Text

Sugawara + Bokuto: HQ boys as workout instructors series

Kuroo + Iwaizumi ver.

warnings: light swearing!!

Sugawara Koushi

After coming back from school for summer break, you decide to renew your gym membership!!

A ton of your friends have recommended taking yoga, so you sign up for a class, just to try it out

The class takes place on Sunday mornings at 10 am, leaving enough time for you to grab a light breakfast before class

You decide to pick up an acai bowl from your local smoothie/nutrition shoppe you stop in so often that the workers know your order LMAO

You decide to sit down and scroll through your phone while you wait for your order,,, but then the door chime rings alerting you that someone else has entered the small shop

You look up, making eye contact with the most beautiful man,,, that you’ve probably ever seen

He looks at you for a second with his light eyes, giving you a polite smile, then goes up to the counter to order a smoothie

Sis,, why are you in love already hahaha

You, wearing old yoga pants and an old raggedy T-shirt, no makeup on, hair messy: why is this my life 😔

One of the workers finally calls your order number, and you go to grab it from the counter before you make a fool out of yourself in front of this angelic man

You scarf down your breakfast in your car, making it to the gym twenty minutes before your class begins

Tidying your appearance a bit, you pull your hair up and tie your large shirt before walking into the yoga studio

You, seeing the beautiful man from the smoothie shop at the front of the class: ☺️wow☺️my luck☺️

He hasn’t seen you yet since you decided to set up at a mat in the back, but the man addresses the class,

“Good morning everyone, my name is Suga and I’m going to be your instructor today! Please make sure you are stretching in the meantime before we officially begin!”

He gives everyone the biggest, most glowing smile UGH

Oh so he’s ANGELIC angelic,,,,, yet sexy somehow

As you begin stretching, he starts walking around to see if anyone needs help and he’s coming towards you dear god

Suga’s face lights up, obviously recognizing you from the smoothie shop

Him, the best boy, smiling down at you: hey! Do you need any help stretching? Also, I didn’t catch your name this morning at the smoothie place :))

You: It’s y/n, & you can do more than help me stretch <3

Asaksjajaksjk anyways,, he gently guides you through some simple stretches, pushing on your back lightly and guiding you (with your permission ofc)

You don’t notice, but from an outside pov he’s kind of a blushing mess

Finally, he goes back up to the front he suddenly remembers he has a class to teach

Suga’s class consists of extremely calming music, Jack Johnson, and nature noises !! relaxing king

The class is so refreshing and not what you expected at all, also Suga’s AMAZING?? And so flexible

It’s super enjoyable because he has all these little tricks to do difficult movements and poses, and he adds in little comments about things dadknsdf

Suga: move your arms as low as possible, even lower than your standards for men ladies

After the class finishes, you feel amazing and energized, dare I say life changing ,

A few weeks pass, and you’ve gone to every yoga class that he’s put on; he’s just that good

He comes over to talk to you at your mat before every class, making casual conversation

Him: hey, are you coming to my class next week? If you don’t I have an event planned 🤬

You: Is that a threat

Him: ..

He’s TEW MUCH LMAO very witty but so loveable :(( honestly how could you not have a crush on this pretty boy

You literally have no idea that he looks forward to teaching the class now, just because he’s able to see you

Oblivious, you kind of accept the fact that you really like him, but almost every woman in the studio OGLES over him so you try not to get your hopes up

One day before class, you stop into the smoothie shop, and he’s already standing there in the shop, hands shoved into his Lulu Lemon shorts,,,, looking so unbelievably handsome

Him: finally, I can buy you a drink

You: over my dead body sweetie ☺️

After fighting in the shop like the idiots you are,, you give in and allow him to pay for your smoothie

Suga: Look, I already know what to order for you, that’s how well I know my favorite yoga student ;)

You: …I’m allergic to peanut butter

Him: Heart’s 💔 been broke so many times-

LMAO anyways, he let’s you order and before you can get into your car to head over to the gym, he gently grabs your arm to stop you

“I know we don’t know each other super well… but I really like you and think you’re beautiful. Would you want to go out with me sometime, like not at the gym?”

DJDJDOID HE LOOKS SO NERVOUS PLEASE !!!

Ugh his genuineness is so attractive to you, of course you say yes, causing a huge smile to cover his face

You: I’ll race you to the gym, if I win you buy my smoothie again next week

Suga: deal

Suga also that day: gets a speeding ticket and is late to class

Bokuto Koutarou

So your university gym offers a large variety of classes, including an extremely popular class called Hip Hop Fitness,,, you see where I’m going with this

You sign up with your friends for a Wednesday night class, thinking it would just be nice to destress since midterms are over

You and your gals carpool to the gym together, and you walk into the dance studio,, there’s already music playing super loudly,

Immediately your eyes as well as everyone else’s are drawn to the man standing in front of the studio mirror, adorned in sweatpants and a black tee-shirt

“hEy welcome to Hip-Hop!! I’m Bokuto, thank you for showing up tonight!”

He is so damn loud I’m howling

It’s hilarious because he literally looks like a frat dude, like super buff and intimidating, but his personality and teaching position says otherwise

He stops the other music from playing and puts on his playlist, asking everyone to stand up from the wooden floors

“Okay everyone, I have a few rules; number one, follow me. Number two, give it your all, and number three, you better be throwing it back with me. Let’s get it.”

He turns on his playlist and its Nicki LMAOO you are on the ground

The playlist consists of a lot of female rappers and singers, also remixes of pop songs, in other words it’s IMMACULATE for dancing

He is SO charismatic and HOT, you can’t take your eyes off him; He’s amazing at dancing ok but you’re sweating by the time the second song comes on

He’s the type of instructor that yells things out, “OKAY I see YOU,” “AYYEE” LMAOSJDMS ,,, he literally gets himself and others so hyped up

However,,, it seems like he hovers around you a lot throughout the class, trying to dance with you

Your friends: sis…

You, oblivious: ???

Bokuto: 🔍👀 a crumb,,, ma’am ?

Him, yelling over the music: what’s your name????

You tell him, not thinking anything of it, but then he drags you up to the front and starts throwing it back thick king

You try to keep up with him,,, but we all know he’s untouchable when it comes to cake, LMAO

By the end of the class, you are EXHAUSTED, it truly was a workout

Bokuto is still energized and looks like he could do another class though

He says bye to everyone, and you leave the class not really expecting to see your little crush again

BUT

Around a week later you’re walking to the library on campus, and you’re scrolling through your music library to find the perfect song to listen to on your walk

You literally still can not stop thinking about Bokuto, he’s just an unforgettable person truthfully

Someone kind of bumps into you, and you look up ready to apologize, but when you look up you are met with Bokuto’s amber eyes

He’s with another super tall, black haired dude with piercing blue eyes, who he doesn’t even introduce lmao poor akaashi

He’s so happy to see you again I would die for him

Him: I wanted to talk to you after the class but I couldn’t find you ! I guess its kind of like fate bringing us together again, AKAASHI,,, this is the girl I was telling you about

You, a mess: sir you own my entire heart already

Him:

Him: I need to take you out IMMEDIATELY rip your study plans and Keiji getting ditched

He grabs your hand, dragging you to the coffee shop located just off campus

He is so eccentric and fun-loving, his personality is everything you thought it would be ++more !!

He definitely guilts you into going to his classes ,, but I mean are you really losing here

You get to see a sweaty Bokuto, dance with your crush, and then he usually takes you out to get ice cream after because fuck a diet ! He doesn’t believe in that bullshit

He’s so proud of meeting you through his class, he brags about it to everyone,,

Bokuto: yeah😌 she fell for how much ass I have

Kuroo: k... literally I didn’t ask

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jemej3m · 5 years ago

Text

a really bad (good) blind date

OKAY - there will be other parts to this i promise

Andrew was exhausted.

There were many reasons for that fact: he was halfway through his final year of the police academy, his brother had been broken up with (again) and had moved back in to live with Andrew (again) and Nicky had set him up for an evening out with a man he didn’t know (again).

It was the last time Andrew would put up with these sordid blind date fiascos. Nicky insisted that he didn’t want Andrew to be lonely around the holiday season, and that it’d be perfect timing to have a significant other on Valentine’s Day, and had been extremely resistant to Andrew’s refusals.

This one would be the last. He’d get a good night’s rest over the winter break, ignore Nicky’s pestering and continue on with life as normal when the half-yearly examinations finally ended.

He hadn’t even bothered changing out of the jeans and sweater he’d been ambling around the house in all morning, merely shaving and spritzing on cologne to give a false sense that he’d put effort in.

He wish Nicky had let them meet up in a club. It was much easier to preface a one-night-stand with little talking, dancing and a glass of whisky. He usually wouldn’t even bother taking them home, seeing as he knew the staff access code to the lounge at Eden’s Twilight.

Instead, he shuffled in through the doors of a restaurant, where the lights were just low enough that hopefully this guy wouldn’t see the shadows under his eyes, the sallowness of his skin. Maybe Andrew should just be his usual, sullen self, end the date early and go home and sleep.

The thought of dealing with Nicky’s blatant look of disappointment when he inevitably heard of Andrew’s less than amicable behaviour was worse than the idea of talking to a cute guy (Nicky’s taste wasn’t bad). A worser fate than death would be Betsy’s eventual involvement, if Nicky thought Andrew wasn’t being social enough. His first-therapist-adoptive-mother-saviour-figure had a monopoly on Andrew’s tolerance of others, whether he liked it or not.

He took a table, not seeing anyone with the alleged red hair, blue eyes or leather satchel - Nicky said he never went anywhere without it. That had been odd enough to pique Andrew’s curiosity, but not really in a good way.

He took his place at the table and busied himself with a menu, even though he’d already elected what he’d eat prior to arriving. The few moments to himself allowed him to centre himself, readying for whatever bullshit his cousin had signed him up for this time.

He supposed that no amount of time would have allowed him to anticipate what he was dealt, as the man who he was to have dinner with collapsed into the chair opposite. His hair was wild, auburn curls and a freshly buzzed undercut matching expressive brows and awfully long lashes - of which framed the clearest blues Andrew had ever seen. His freckles were like constellations across his cheeks.

“Sorry I’m late,” he managed, swinging the leather satchel across the back of the chair. His buttons were askew but he hadn’t seemed to notice. It allowed Andrew to see the flush that ran down his neck and the hint of a puckered scar on his collarbone.

A gunshot wound.

Interesting, he thought.

“Should we order?” the man asked.

“I’m Andrew,” he said, pointedly.

“Oh, right,” he ducked his head with a grimace. “I’m - Neil.”

Andrew shrugged. “You can have a few minutes, if you’d like.”

Neil didn’t need time. He must have come prepared, as Andrew had. He took note of a few things as they ordered - he was health-conscious, only having a salmon dish and salad - he didn’t drink, not even the lightest champagne the place had to offer - and that he had the most elegant fingers. For some strange reason, Andrew could envision him spinning Andrew’s knives deftly.

“So,” Neil started, awkward. “What do normal people talk about on dates?”

Andrew arched an eyebrow.

Neil cleared his throat. “That wasn’t a testament of you being - abnormal - I’ve just never done something like this before, a friend put me up to it - I mean, I’m sure you’re interesting -”

“It’s alright,” Andrew cut in, because Neil was truly digging himself a sufficient grave. “You should tell me three things you’ve never told anyone.”

Neil blinked. “Why?”

Andrew shrugged. “Why not? I’ll give you one: I’m afraid of heights.”

“Cockroaches,” Neil echoed, cocking his head to the side. “You’ve never told anyone you’re afraid of heights?”

“What use does that information have?”

“Why can I have it, then?”

Andrew wanted to hear more of this petulant, argumentative tone that Neil had gradually developed. “Must everything have a reason?”

“Of course not,” Neil tapped a lithe finger on the rim of his glass. “But most things - or people - do. That’s what they tell themselves, at least.”

“Profound,” Andrew acknowledged, tipping their glasses together.

Neil wasn’t uninteresting. There was something underneath those ocean eyes.

Neil liked maths - he’d gone out of state to study for a few years, in Virginia - and cats and took the strawberry from Andrew’s dessert because he hated sweets but would eat fruit any day. He’d also clipped the lip of a waiter who’d expressed irritation that they asked for a split bill, finding the other waiter who’d served them to give the nicer girl a fiver tip.

It was an odd balance, Andrew observed, between real facets of ‘Neil’ escaping and a formulated restraint, clearly years in the making. Andrew couldn’t believe how late it’d gotten by the time they’d left. Even the way Neil smoked was baffling, holding the light by his chin and looking out into the dimly lit street that stretched out before them.

“How’d you get roped into this, anyway?” Neil inquired.

Andrew shrugged. “My cousin likes to mess with my life. How does Nicky know your friend, anyway?”

“I think they might’ve had an economics class together in college, and decided they shared a passion for exuberance and high-heels,” Neil chuckled, taking a slow drag. “Allison always said Nicky Nights were the most fun she’d ever had.”

“Allison,” Andrew considered. He wasn’t really familiar with the name.

“I should probably be heading off,” Neil said, idly checking a watch. He wore a watch. It didn’t look cheap, either. “Have to deal with - family mess.” The way he said family mess had Andrew practically in stitches with intrigue. There was simply nothing simple about Neil, nothing Andrew could put together without time and patience. He simply nodded, watching cars drive past as Neil leant off the wall.

He’d already written his number on the receipt: fingers hooked into Neil’s sleeve, he spun the young man around, just before he could waltz off to his nice car and drive on home.

“Here,” he said offhandedly, ignoring the way his heart skipped and leaped.

Neil took the number slowly, tucking it into his pocket.

“I’m going to be a bit touch-and-go for a little while,” he said. “Family’s back in town and all. But I’ll text you,” he rolled his lips into his mouth as his cheeks went red. “I will text you.”

Andrew waved him off. “I don’t care what you do.”

Neil’s lips twitched into a small smile. “Okay. I’ll see you later, Andrew.”

Andrew watched as Neil walked away, arriving at a sleek black car that ought to be keyed in a city like Baltimore. Before he set off, he leaned into the passenger seat, rummaging for something.

Just as Andrew was thinking I didn’t even get his last name, he noticed an odd glinting of something from within Neil’s car. Something reflecting the streetlight, almost into his eyes.

In the compartment of the door was a knife-handle, a cleaver blade attached. It was so carelessly thrown into the door shelf that it seemed to (still?) have a few mild specks of something red across its spine.

Andrew let his cigarette fall to the ground, shoving his hands into his pockets as Neil glanced over his shoulder to give Andrew another one of his little smiles, something Andrew wanted to hold and cherish in spite of the probable weapon left in the passenger seat’s door. As the car skidded away, Andrew remained utterly still, the amalgamation of emotions swirling within his usually void-like chest cavity.

how was the date???????????? Nicky texted.

bad, Andrew responded. Because - in spite of everything, the awkwardness, the lack of punctuality, the gunshot scar, the probably bloodied knife in his car - Andrew wanted to see him again. In spite of everything, it had been a good evening.

oh well! Nicky sent back, with a cheerful smiley face and a bunch of needless xoxo’s. Andrew’s phone buzzed twice as another text came through - this time from an unknown number.

hi this is neil’s number - figured i would text at the traffic light before i lost this receipt :D

Fuck it, Andrew thought.

hi neil. this is andrew.

tadaaaa

blind date!! also, neil, dont leave bloody cleavers in the passenger seat door, you dumbass

#andreil #mobster/cop au #cop!andrew #butcher!neil #first meeting #andrew minyard #neil josten #aftg #all for the game #yeehaw i love this but its so stupid lol #jem writes

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gerberbabey · 4 years ago

Text

maybe I'm honestly falling too soon | John B. Routledge

a/n: this is technically a stand alone, but i kinda wish i did a little mini series for the Peterkin!Reader concept...oh well I’ll do that now. love the support for SUMMER, i wish it was better written but I still appreciate ya’ll.

This is technically a reader insert, but I made the reader mixed with Black and Korean. always hashing out WOC representation.

masterlist

summary: You try not to question people’s intelligence. John B saves the day.

warnings: like rlly bad writing, underaged drinking, hints of racism and stereotyping, that part is based off of a conversation i overheard but if it’s offensive in any way and if you’d like me to take it out or change it pls let me know

♫ Down to Earth by UMI ♫

You weren’t really known to go out much. Partying with either Kooks or Pogues wasn’t the norm for you considering who your parents were. But even if your mom wasn’t the Sheriff and your dad wasn’t a teacher at Kildare County High, your personality alone wasn’t really the “partying” type. Your friends tended to label you as the “sweet” one, or even the “innocent” one. It didn’t necessarily make you mad per se, it was just a bit annoying that the entirety of your being was labelled based off of the fact that you tended to not do things.

You didn’t label your friends for the things they did, so you found it odd that they labelled you because of the things you didn’t do.

“Pleeeaaase (Y/N), John B and his crew throw the best keggers and you’ve only gone to like one!”

“Nicky, I just...really don’t want to, ok?” you’d been trying to decline Nicky all day. This was the 5th time she’d brought it up today, not to mention the amount of times she’d brought it up this past week. Maybe if it had happened yesterday or even tomorrow you would’ve felt more up to it. Today didn’t feel like a good day to party. At least not to you.

“(Y/NNNNNN)!” Nicky whined and you only sat patiently as she shook you, “Please just this once? Ok I heard that Kelce’s gonna be there and he usually avoids the Cut! This is the perfect oppurtuntiy for me to get closer to him!”

You hated that she was using her crush on Kelce against you. You truly wouldn’t say that Nicky was either a Kook or a Pogue (you didn’t even think you were either a Kook or Pogue) but she’d developed a crush on him due to her sudden frequent attendance at the country club with her cousins. She barely spoke to him and barely had the chance to but she insisted that he was a “great guy who just get’s pressured by his asshole friends”. You supported anything Nicky did (lest it get her hurt) and Kelce had only ever been kind to you.

“Ok...fine,” you sighed and Nicky squeed in excitement.

“Oh my god yes! Finally!” Nicky cheered and you only rolled your eyes playfully as she tackled you into a hug.

_____

John B casually strolled through the aisles of the grocery store. He’d been taxed with getting a few snacks to stash in the Twinkie so that they had some food of their own at the party.

“Relax ok, I just really wants some chips.”

John B perked up at a familiar sounding voice and straightened up as you and your best friend walked around the corner of the aisle. He licked his lips as he gave you a quick look over. You were dressed in your usual aesthetic, a long high waisted skirt, a tank top that was tied to cinch at your waist, large wire framed glasses on the bridge of your nose, and your bouncy curls pushed back with a bandana in your hair.

“Oh, hey John B.”

John B shook himself out of his stupor and flashed you a wide grin, nodding to Nicky, who only gave him a look of suspicion.

“Hey (Y/N), what are you doing here?” That question wasn’t too out of place, you lived closer to the bigger grocery store chains than the family owned one’s in the Cut.

“I just wanted to get some chips, Heyward’s is the only store that has the one’s I like,” you gave him a sweet smile and John B tried not to melt.

“That’s-That’s really cool,” he stuttered and he licked his lips awkwardly as his eyebrows raised. You blinked at him, the smile on your face twisting a bit in confusion as you glanced at Nicky for a moment before looking to John B again, “I mean sorry-um...Kegger!” John B put up a hand in realization, “We’re gonna have a Kegger tonight at the Boneyard. Will I see you there?”

“Yeah for sure,” you smiled at him and he gave you that grin that’d always made you think of the sun. You’d always thought John B was cute. Probably more than cute really. He was tall (6 foot maybe?), and his body was built ridiculously...nice for a 16 year old. Plus he was like one of the sweetest guys you’d ever met.

“Are you gonna be manning the Keg the whole time?” you teased as you grabbed two bags of your favorite chips. Nicky took them from you, looking between you and John b from off to the side. John B scoffed at your comment.

“Nah, I’ll drag JJ to do shifts if he even tries to run away from it,” the last time they threw a Kegger, John B and Pope had been ditched to man the keg. JJ had run off with some touron and Kie was hard to say no to when she insisted it wasn’t her turn.

“So that means you’ll save me a dance?” you bit at your bottom lip as John B looked at you in surprise. He’d always thought of the two of you as friends, you and your mom were oddly involved in his life but he didn’t mind. He wasn’t going to complain about having people give a shit about him.

“Yeah...yeah definitely,” John B confirmed and you giggled before waving to him goodbye and leading Nicky away to go pay for your chips. John B stared at where you were standing just a second ago before he turned to watch you over his shoulder. He barely caught Nicky shaking you by the arm before the two of you disappeared around the corner of the aisle.

________

“Is that...(Y/N)?” Pope asked, passing some random Touron a filled red solo cup. John B looked up from where he was filling up a Kook’s cup and turned to where Pope was pointing. It was indeed you. You were standing in group with a few Kooks. Nicky was standing close to Kelce, the two of them seemingly in their own world and you were stuck interacting with Topper, Rafe, and some other Kook guys he didn’t recognize.

“Yeah,” John B confirmed and Pope glanced at him for a moment before turning his attention back to you.

“She looks like she’s having a great time,” Pope pointed out sarcastically and John B straightened up. Pope was right, and even from this far away he could tell. You had a perplexed look you on your face as you listened to one of the ook boys talk and your body language was closed off. You had your arms wrapped around yourself and you were switching the weight of your feet back and forth.

“Maybe you should go save her?” Pope suggested and John B turned to him.

“Nah, nah she’s probably fine,” John B shook his head, reaching for the eg hose once again. Pope snatched it out of his hands.

“C’mon John B, you really wanna risk that?” Pope stated matter of factly and he cringed as he looked back to you. You looked more and more uncomfortable by the second.

“Alright...” John B dusted his hands off on his swim trunks and began to weave through the crowd to get to you, leaving behind a grinning Pope.

Across the way, you were trying your best not to let much show on your face but you couldn’t help but cringe at everything this guy was saying. You were pretty sure he had done a line of something (probably supplied by Rafe) but you were beginning to think you should definitely put yourself in a safer environment. You hadn’t been the most bothered by Topper or Rafe, they were usually polite to you, but when three more Kooks stepped up to you, you were left to deal with five Kooks who were all under some type of influence while Nicky talked with Kelce.

“Y’know, you have like really nice eyes,” one of the kooks pointed to you and you smiled.

“Oh thank you-”

“They’re like real narrow. Do you put like make up on?” That threw you off guard and your mouth drpped open in shock at the question. Topper hit the boy in the chest and the Kook shot him a look of confusion, “What man?”

“Dude you can’t say that shit,” Rafe laughed and you were uncomfortable with the idea that he found it funny for a different reason other then idiocy.

“What she’s got like real narrow eyes. So what how do you do that?”

“Well um-” you stammered, “I’m just...Asian?”

“Wait you’re Asian?” one of the other boys cried out, “I thought you were black?”

Rafe snorted at that and you could feel the discomfort in your chest increase.

“I-I am black. My mom’s black and my dad’s Korean...” you explained. Your cheeks burned and your palms were clammy due to your nerves.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry...” the first boy laughed, “Wait, I swear I’m not racist or anything. You’re gorgeous.”

You wondered how your beauty had anything to do with his questions about your race.

“Like, my sister’s just always talking about like fox eyes or whatever and she’d probably love to have eyes like yours.”

You sucked in a breath at that. Could this guy be anymore cluelessly offensive? At this point you were beginning to question his intelligence altogether. But you weren’t a confrontational person and the thought of calling him out on his bullshit terrified you. You also definitely weren’t in a position to act brave.

“Uh hey! (Y/N)?” you turned in shock and almost cried out in relief at the sight of John B calling you.

“What do you want Pogue?” Rafe hissed out and you looked up at him before rushing over to John B.

“Oh hey John B, I was actually looking for you, sorry guys,” you barely turned to look back at the circle of Kooks before you were leading John B away by the hand, completely ignoring Rafe’s calls.

When you were a good ways away, and a little closer to where the keg was, you stopped and put a hand on your chest. you let out a laugh of disbelief as you looked up at John B. He looked down at you in confusion, your fingers still intertwined with his.

“Jeez you seriously saved me,” you breathed and John B’s eyebrows raised.

“Were they doing something-” he looked back over to the boys but you only waved it off.

“No no, one of them was just...making me lose brain cells,” you laughed, though John B could tell see the discomfort on your face.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” John B pointed out and you only scoffed.

“I’m used to it at this point,” John B wondered what “it” was.

“Hey (Y/N)! What’s up?” the two of you turned to Kie as the girl walked up to you, a wide grin brightening her expression.

“Nothing much just, being a damsel in distress,” you looked up at John B with a teasing smile and he rolled his eyes.

“I literally only called your name,” he recalled and you laughed.

“And that saved me, the damsel, from my distress!” you reassured.

Kie chuckled despite her confusion. She gave a pointed smile at your guys’s hands but the two of you were too distracted by one another. Kie wondered when John B was finally gonna tell you he liked you.

“You guys are real cute,” Kie laughed and the two of you looked at her with wide eyes. Kie regretted opening her mouth as John B realized the two of you were still holding hands. He quickly pulled his hands out of yours, wiping his sweaty palms onto his shorts. You looked a little disheartened as your hands came forward to fidget on the knot of your shirt.

“Nevermind,” Kie mumbled. She shook her ehad before walking away from the two of you to go help Pope with the Keg. You watched her walk away, the tips of your ears feeling hot.

Your fingers fidgeted with one another as you looked up at John B from the corner of your eye.

“So um...” John B turned to you, “I think you owe me a dance?” you smiled and a smile began to stretch across his face. You couldn’t help but notice how his eyes were smiling too and the stretch of his cheeks caused his freckles to shift.

“Would you like to dance?” John B questioned you and you pretended to think.

“Hmm I don’t know, the guy who’s asking me to dance is being kinda...dry about it,” you pretended to cringe and John B rolled his eyes.

He stepped back away from you and turned you so that two of you were facing one another rather than standing side by side. He held out a hand and you glanced between it and his expression. You tilted your head giving him raised brows and he laughed before getting down onto one knee. He put one arm behind his back and offered a hand out to you as you laughed at his antics.

“Lady (Y/N) may I please have this dance?” he asked loudly and a few people chuckled as they watched him. You looked away, your cheeks burning as you tried to stop yourself from geeking out. You looked back at him again, biting at your cheek as you placed a hand into his.

“Why of course,” you confirmed and John B hopped up to his feet before leading you into the middle of the dancing bodies. You weren’t to sure what song was playing but the bass was loud and the energy was high in that medium sized pocket of dancing people.

You made a graceful turn, John B’s hand still in yours, and pressed your back up against John B’s front. The two of you swayed to the beat of the song as John B let go of your hand to put his hands on your skirt clad hips. He pressed himself close to you and you threw your curls over to your right side so he could lean his face down close to yours.

The two of you grinned at each other as the song moved your body for you.

“Those two are...definitely in love,” Pope pointed out, taking a sip from his drink.

“Absolutely,” Kie nodded as she copied Pope’s actions.

The two of them ignored JJ’s whines about the keg as they watched you and John B dance.

will this be a series? who knows.....

#outer banks imagine #john b routledge x reader #john b x reader #john b imagine #outer banks #john booker routledge #john b routledge #john b #fanfiction #imagine #mixed!reader #poc!reader #black!reader #asian!reader #john b fanfiction #obx imagine #obx fanfiction #fluff

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

Text

Girl I Met On The Internet, 6/6 (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: and it’s a wrap! for now anyway bc i totally dont have a fic coming based on the good news nicky had for jaida! i just want to say thank you to every single person who read, liked and reblogged this story. it means so much to me, i’m so glad people enjoyed the strange idea that came into my brain. <3 (also! i wanted to let you guys know that i’m planning on posting this fic on ao3 as well, probably after this chapter is posted on here. my username on there is drivingmecrazy !!)

crystal: does everyone’s spring break start this weekend too?? anyone doing anything??

jan!: mine does! i’m staying home all week, jackie is leaving me :(

nicky: my spring break isn’t until late april!! wtf :(

heidi: ha loser

heidi: i’m going to play animal crossing all weekend i can’t wait

Jackie: I’m going to Canada to visit family on Sunday. Jan, if you want we can hang out on Saturday if you’re going to miss me that much. :P

nicky: i’ll hang out with you jackie

jan: i hate you nicky

jaida: i have a pageant next week!!

jan!: yaas gorg

nicky: bring home the crown!

crystal: GO JAIDA!

nicky: also jaida call me. i have good news for you :)

gigi: crystal you already know what’s going down

crystal: do i now?

gigi: GOOD LUCK JAIDA!!! NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE OUR WINNER

Crystal had somewhat of an idea of what was going down. She had been granted permission to sleep over at Gigi’s house, and they would be going on their date the following day. Gigi would not tell Crystal anything about where they were going, and refused to give her any hints no matter how much Crystal begged.

The next morning, on their walk to school, Crystal finally got a hint.

“You tweeted about it. That’s all I’ll tell you.”

“That’s not helpful at all!” Crystal had almost 30 thousand tweets, her Twitter was her space to say weird things without being judged too harshly, and she had a lot of things to say! She thought about things she might’ve tweeted about wanting to do, or places she wanted to go, but came up empty handed.

“Well, you have the whole day to think about it. I’ll meet you after school, yeah?”

Gigi’s mom offered to pick them up after school, even though the walk from their school to Gigi’s house wasn’t far. Crystal finally met Nancy, Gigi’s beloved dog. Crystal didn’t want to do anything besides hold the dachshund to her chest all night, but Gigi wouldn’t let her, saying it wasn’t fair for Nancy to get all of the attention even though Gigi does the exact same thing with Tic Tac.

They made homemade pizza for dinner, and played monopoly with Gigi’s parents and her brother. Gigi’s brother thought Crystal was cute, and hit on Crystal; trying out a ridiculous pickup line on the green haired girl every chance he got. After they called off the game, Gigi excused her and Crystal to her room.

“So quick to leave, Georgina,” Crystal teased, sitting down next to Nancy who was using Gigi’s strawberry cow pillow pet as a headrest.

“Wanna spend time with you. Can we cuddle?”

“Yeah, of course.”

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company until Gigi spoke up.

“I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?” Crystal asked, lost.

“Come out to my friends. I thought I was ready but obviously I’m not.”

“It’s okay, Gigi. You’ll know when it’s time, don’t rush it.”

“I just want to be more open, I guess.”

“That’s good, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to take baby steps, G.”

“Was it hard? To come out?”

“To who?” Crystal snorted, “You know I don’t have any friends. I’m pretty sure everyone at school already knows, though.”

“Does your mom know?”

“Probably. She got a little too suspicious when I started liking Poppy.”

This turned into revealing who their first gay crush was, and how and when they figured out they liked girls like the rest of their friends liked boys. Crystal told Gigi about how she originally tried to fake like One Direction so no one would suspect anything, and Gigi told Crystal about how she refused to listen to any music sung by female artists for half a year before they decided to go to sleep.

Crystal had woken up first. She didn’t bother waking up Gigi, going to scroll through Twitter instead. It was still early, but the group chat was on some bullshit, Jan changed her display name to Nicky and changed her profile picture to Nicky’s to mock her. Nicky did not find this funny in the slightest, but Jaida did.

nicky: i’m nicky i’m french i love stealing my friends gfs

jaida: omg period!

THE REAL nicky: JAIDA THAT’S NOT ME!!!

jaida: proof?

THE REAL nicky: I HATE IT HERE!!

nicky: croissant

crystal: HELPDGNJKFNJ

THE REAL nicky: i cannot stand jan. this is why jackie should date me instead

Crystal couldn’t stop laughing, which ended up waking Gigi up. Gigi was grumpy at first, but that changed when she realized they needed to get ready to go on the date she had planned.

After they had gotten up and dressed, they sat next to each other in front of the giant, floor length mirror next to Gigi’s closet to do their makeup. Gigi stopped doing her makeup after putting on her foundation, deciding that watching Crystal do her eye shadow was more entertaining than finishing the look she had in mind.

“Stop looking at me, you’re making me nervous!” Crystal giggled when she noticed Gigi’s stares, not actually wanting Gigi to stop.

“I’ll think about it,” Gigi paused, pretending to think, “I will not. You look beautiful.”

Crystal squawked, “I barely have anything on my face!”

“So?”

“What are you, gay or something?” Crystal teased, making Gigi poke at her sides, “Stop being a dork and finish your makeup!”

“Fine. Only because we need to get going soon.”

“Wait, you know how to drive?” Crystal asked, getting in the passenger seat.

“Yeah! I don’t have my own car yet, but I got my license on my 16th birthday. I am not enforcing the stereotype at all!” Gigi grinned, opening the garage door and starting her mom’s car.

“I’ll be the judge of that. Can I play music?”

“Yeah, sure.” Gigi handed her the aux cord and started backing out of the driveway.

“Okay. This is the ultimate test,” Crystal stated, starting to play a song. “Which One Direction song is this?”

The song in question was good, but Gigi didn’t recognize it. She had only listened to ‘Midnight Memories’ because it was Crystal’s favorite album, and she knew for sure Crystal wasn’t playing a song from that album. “Is it from ‘Made in the A.M’?”

“Trick question! It’s one of Niall’s solo songs. It’s called ‘Dear Patience’!” Crystal laughed, thinking she had pulled off the biggest prank in the world.

“Oh, fuck. I should’ve known there was only one person singing.”

After fifteen minutes of driving, and Gigi almost running a stop sign, they finally pulled up at a cute little thrift shop on the outskirts of town, and Crystal was just about shaking with excitement. “I love thrifting! I’ve only been once, but it was so fun! I found that jumpsuit I wore that one day while thrifting!” She rambles, rushing to get out of the car and inside.

“Wait, when I did tweet about this?”

Around the time they had first started talking, Crystal had tweeted about how her dream date was going thrifting. Gigi naturally stored this information in the back of her mind, even though at the time she never thought she would need it.

On their walk from the parking lot to the store, Crystal held her hand out, which Gigi hesitantly accepted.

“We should play a game! We should split up and pick out an outfit for the other person without them knowing and then meet up and try them on!”

Gigi’s heart swelled, Crystal was so cute. “That sounds fun, but how do I know this isn’t just a trick to dress me up in something hideous?” Gigi teased, making Crystal blush.

“I would never, don’t be ridiculous,” Crystal scoffed, “I’ll save that for the next time we go thrifting!”

Crystal let go of Gigi’s hand to open the door for her, splitting up as soon as they walked into the shop.

It didn’t take them very long to pick out their pieces. Crystal stayed true to her word, picking out a light green, halter top dress for Gigi. Gigi, on the other hand, had picked out a hideous pair of neon pink, zebra print leggings and a red flannel shirt.

“Gigi, what is that?” Crystal scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“You like patterns, why not clash them?” Gigi tried to defend herself, but could barely finish her sentence before bursting out laughing.

“No! I’m not getting that! I’m not even going to try on that outfit. It’s yucky.”

“That’s fine, give me the dress you picked out for me. I need that.” Gigi snatched it from Crystal’s hands, walking quickly to the dressing room.

The dress looked gorgeous on Gigi. Crystal was so glad she took their game seriously.

They looked around together for a little bit before wandering from each other yet again. Gigi somehow ended up with a pile of clothes that you would only see in a very successful thrifting haul video on YouTube. Crystal had stuck to the men’s section, immediately claiming some loud button ups and with a little digging, she found a very specific, out of place t-shirt that said something about how ‘real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper’ that she found hilarious and needed to own.

“What does that say? Some grandmas play bingo, real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper?” Gigi questioned when they finally met back up, “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, but it’s sending me. I need it!”

“So you hated my outfit I got for you, but you’re buying that?” Gigi teased.

“You do not understand the art of highly specific shirts, like these, babe. I’ll have to teach you all about them later.”

Gigi thought Crystal was an idiot, but she couldn’t stop smiling.

After paying for their clothes, they got back into the car. Gigi started driving, not telling Crystal where their next stop was. The stop happened to be the Taco Bell drive thru, which Crystal was excited about. “Okay, I do remember tweeting about wanting to go to Taco Bell.”

When they got their food, Gigi placed the bag in the back seat, making Crystal raise an eyebrow.

“You’re a messy eater, so we aren’t eating in the car. My mom would kill me if we made a mess.”

While Crystal tried to convince Gigi she was not a messy eater and her mom’s car would be fine, Gigi pulled up to a park.

“Can you find a spot to sit down at so we can eat it there?” Gigi requested. It took Crystal about two seconds to travel from the car to the grass, settling down in a shady spot underneath some trees. Gigi joined Crystal, holding a blue blanket as well as the brown paper bag.

“It’s not a picnic blanket, I couldn’t find one but I hope it works.”

“It does! I love picnics!” Crystal hops up so Gigi can lay down the blanket, going to retrieve the drinks that they forgot in the car.

Their lunch was filled with flirting, stupid inside jokes and Crystal loved every second of it. She knew for sure by the end of the day she would not be single anymore, but the lack of confirmation was making her antsy.

Once they were done eating, Gigi collected all of the wrappers and cups, walking across the grass to the nearest trash can to dispose of them. When Gigi came back, she had a huge grin on her face, “Well, Crystal Elizabeth. I would like to think that I successfully wooed you, if only you could do something for me in return…”

“What do you have in mind, Georgina?” Crystal giggles, hoping Gigi couldn’t tell how nervous that statement made her.

“Crystal Elizabeth, I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend?”

“God, yes. I’ve been waiting for this for months.” Crystal exclaimed, immediately being pulled into a kiss.

They stayed at the park after that. Crystal’s inner child had jumped out after the kiss was broken and she wanted to play on the playground.

“Wait, Crystal! Come here, the light looks good right now and we need to take our reveal selfie!”

Their date came to an end when Crystal’s mom texted her asking to come home. Crystal’s mom had no idea what she was interrupting, as Crystal did not tell her mom what they were actually doing.

“I hate it here, I would let this date go on all week if I could.” Crystal pouted, buckling her seatbelt.

“If there’s any other place you want to go this week, we could go on our second date.” Gigi smiled, reaching out to hold Crystal’s hand.

“Be careful, I know steering with one hand is peak lesbianism, but I don’t know if you’re a good enough driver to do that yet.” Crystal joked, even though she gladly accepted Gigi’s hand.

“Oh, shut up. Like you could go ten minutes without holding my hand.”

Crystal kissed Gigi again when they got on her street, Gigi parking a few houses down for privacy.

“This was fun. I really am happy with everything. You completely wooed me, Georgina.”

“I’m glad. Does this mean I can call you my clown girlfriend now?” Gigi jokingly asked, making Crystal let out a tiny scream.

“As dumb as that sounds, yes. You can.”

Gigi did not let Crystal get out of the car without getting another kiss.

Crystal entered her house, her grin slowly fading when she saw her mom waiting for her.

“You took a while to come home.” Crystal’s mom started, under the impression she was at Gigi’s house. “What took you so long?”

“Yeah, sorry. I couldn’t find my charger.” Crystal felt bad for lying to her mom, but she didn’t want to tell her what happened yet.

“Oh, your generation and your phones. I was starting to get worried.”

“Mama, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m going to my room now, is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’m about to start dinner. We’re having your favorite!”

The second Crystal got into her room, she locked her door and jumped on her bed, logging onto Twitter.

crystal: good evening l a d i e s

jan!: HEY!

jaida: crystal!

Jackie: You haven’t been active today, what were you up to?

heidi: not jackie demanding answers

nicky: ooooh

gigi: well, since you asked…

crystal: :D

gigi: my girlfriend crystal and i went on our first date today. isn’t she beautiful??

The group erupted into chaos the second they saw their selfie, congratulating the new couple for finally getting together. Crystal wouldn’t have it any other way. She would be forever grateful for being added into Elites Only, and even more for the special girl she had met there.

gigi: so, any ideas for our second date?

crystal: tons, babe. i’m gonna blow your mind.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jackie cox #jan sport #jaida essence hall #heidi n closet #crygi #lesbian au #high school au #social media au #girl i met on the internet #strawberry #submission #s12

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ziracona · 4 years ago

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hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

#ask #anonymous #fallout 4 #fo4 #god I love them so much. I was really proud I kept all the OGs too. everyone but Gage. who had to go but it’s his own choice and fault 🤷🏻‍♀️#GOD far harbor was a good dlc. it’s like the main quest choice again but way more condensed and twice as f ked up. my poor MC had only #come to terms just before with all the lives she took & started healing #doing bad things she did not want to do & knew he would know about and think less of her for doing. but she did them. 😔 bc of course she did #then she had to choose between letting the dude she loved be hurt in a way he wouldn’t recover from & torpedoing her relationship to him by #she loves Nick and if it’s him or her it’s always gonna be her #I was SUFFERING. a lot. but I also loved it #don’t come into my inbox and clown about liking Danse please or Gage. idc at all #like you are welcome to your opinion I’m not gonna try to convince you /not/ to like him. plz do me the same courtesy & respect my right to #have an opinion u may not like

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akegatacchi · 5 years ago

Text

Sense8 AU!aftg

In the honor of absolutlynothing I’ve decided to put out there one of the many au I have on my phone and archive it there

Big shout out to @a-m-peengoo and @bluesuederose for participating in this mess with genius lines and always be there to bear my 36 ideas per hour. We did a masterpiece girls.

Here we go it’s gonna be long

The cluster:

Kevin: Nomi. He’s just a fuckin hacker who’s running away from his family (riko). When he’s bored, he spends nights crashing the Pentagon system for fun, and makes every screen in the White House play Best Exy Actions Compilation (the longest and hardest part is choosing one compilation to play).

Dan: Will. One of them have to keep them under control. Plus, Dan with a gun i can’t even-

Matt: Riley. Soft, blue strand of hair, a heart of gold, maternal. As a DJ. Yes. SO SOFT (he still knows how to box)

Allison: Capheus. Listen. Imagine Allison in high heels, skin tight leather pants, driving a bus. Also, a F1 pilot champion who can drive anything (even if it’s the first time)

Andrew: Wolfgang. Duh. Do I need to explain myself. Just think abt him saying “This is Berlin. Those are my people. And we go to our knees for no one”.Boy he does NOT like this situation, at all. Will keep the others out with sheer willpower and no blockers. The cluster’s deadliest weapon. PLUS HELLO???? ANDREW IN A PASTEL PINK BOMBER SHOOTING ON A HELICOPTER WITH A BAZOOKA????

Aaron: Felix? Sorta? not a senseate but a great doctor. Senses bullshit and when someone is in Andrew’s body real quick (Andrew: says more than 2 sentences and is pleasant. Aaron:.....who’s that bitch where is my brother) . Later helps to manufacture blockers.

Neil: Kala. A pharmacist that uses his skill for arson and may or may not be running away from mafia/family matter and currently hiding in India. Him saying “Bring it, bitch” to Riko is my sexuality and Andrew’s. Can create explosives from a Fanta can and spices I mean it’s already canon in aftg. (plus andreil would work even better bc technically Neil can’t even touch Andrew for real)

Nicky: Lito. The drama, the sass. Also the scene where he discovers the Twinyard in Germany are his cousins would be hilarious. The scene where Lito seduces the nurse but with Nicky (“engaging into heterosexual activity? me????”) or the scene where Lito screams in the museum but with Nicky

Erik as Hernando. That’s it that’s the post.

Renee: Sun. I mean, a korean fighter lady in prison trying to be a better person and had a silent bffs relationship with a german gangster? Come on. Also. Allison in a bus and Renee doing art martials stuff.

Riko: whispers i guess he can eat Allison’s high heels

Now the ~scenes~ (it’s just shitposting):

Aaron, on the verge on several break downs: wait so you have like … DJ Blue Matt and F1 pilot Allison Reynolds in your head? since when? ANDREW SINCE WHE-

Neil: what’s a better use of a multiple thousands dollars education than precise arson?????

Aaron: why does your boyfriend always end up burning things up?

Andrew: he lits up my heart as well

Aaron: FOR FUCK SAKE

Kevin, shocked and betrayed: is there a better sport than exy?

Aaron and Allison: YEAH A REALLY GOOD CAR RACE

Allison: you’re - you’re like the spirit of Lucy Liu. In Charlie’s Angels. I watch it once a day. Renee:.....that’s sweet actually :)

Neil: does a molotov cocktail

Matt: I tHoUgHt yOu wErE a PhArMaCiSt

Neil: Yes? That’s PHYSICS

Matt: no that’s ARSON NEIL

Alternative:

Kevin: breaks into the Pentagon virtually

Neil: breaks into the Pentagon physically

Matt, again: i thought you were a PHARMACIST!!!! Neil: Yes I am??? That’s irrelevant

A senseate sibling, escaping, grabbing a vehicle at random: someone knows how to drive that?

Allison, in stilettos : no, but I sure will soon

Just Allison driving Renee around to fight people

Everytime someone mocks a senseate sibling Neil or Nicky shows up to roast them. Sometimes they do it both at the same time. It’s apocalyptic. The sass. The drama.

They can also bullshit their way out of any situation. Neil is such a smooth liar and Nicky is just ridiculous. The FBI agent charged to arrest them somehow ends up crying abt childhood trauma while hugging a teddy bear.

Neil, caught in the act of making a string of explosives by the FBI guy: uuuuuuh….Nicky?

Nicky, currently dealing with a white mom in retail: somehow convince the FBI to buy christmas lights

(Yes Nicky works in retail bc his family cut ties with him but he hopes to be an actor.ON BROADWAY)

(From retail to actor to cluster negotiator real quick)

A fuckin moron to Allison: a hottie like you driving a bus? what is this, hooker on wheels?

Neil: please let me have this one

Allison: seats back and enjoys Neil roasting him

Nicky: brings the popcorn

Nicky, to the FBI guy: You can’t arrest me Daryl I’m your long lost little brother

The FBI guy, a white man: My name is not Daryl Neil: THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE

The FBI guy, texting Neil (don’t ask): I guess I’m still in love with my ex

Nicky: aaaaaw we have to help this sweetheart

Neil: do you want me to burn his current boyfriend’s car, buddy?

(Nicky: DON’T REMIND HIM THAT HE’S SUPPOSED TO ARREST US)

A fuckin homophobe: ready to get your ass kicked, faggot?

Andrew: appears through Nicky

Nicky, smiling: fuck yeah, baby

Andrew, between two bazooka shot, to Neil: we’re nothing

Nicky, through Andrew, all cheery: Hi!!!! :D

(Aaron jumps like a scared cat)

Andrew: ready to kill ppl for mafia business

All the senseate siblings in the back minus Renee, eating popcorn and enjoying the show: Kick ass, Drew!

Andrew, on the hospital bed: has an emotional moment with Aaron

Aaron: sir or ma'am, idk who you are but it’s family only, I will ask you, as his doctor, to leave my brother’s body

Aaron: Andrew is2g if you’re making psychic love to that fuckin red hair rn i will-

Andrew each time a senseate is hurt: Aaron it’s for you

(Just Aaron doing med tutorials for a whole cluster while Andrew repeats it with a bored tone to everyone)

(Aaron, sighs: it is Neil again? Just let him bleed for a few minutes)

Neil, making bomb with kitchen stuff: If it means losing you then no

Andrew, falling in love: oh

Bad guy: You have no weapon, blondie!

Allison, with Renee and Dan behind her: Think again, sweetheart

They made a little “honorary cluster member” badge to Aaron (he does not cry STFU NEIL)

Dan and Neil both knows by heart the laws of different countries…..for very different reasons.

Luther: humiliates Nicky once again

Renee: calmly breaks his hand at dinner while smiling like an angel, all the while stopping Andrew from killing him with the other hand

Neil, a pharmacist: blowing shit up and arson

Aaron, a doctor, watching him: yk what hold my beer I know several ways to stop a man’s heart

The whole “You don’t know how to use a gun” “No, but you do” with andreil or matt and dan

Just Drew and Renee kicking some mafia asses together as buddies

(While Neil blows some shit up in the background and Allison/Nicky cheer)

Matt has the perfect ear too

Him and Kevin are the remote operation/communication team but one day all the fighters/criminals of the cluster are busy so they both start to fight as well and fuck they are good at it

Nicky: I expected this from Biceps Matt but Kevin??? You can land a kick like that???

Kevin, outraged: I WENT TO THE EXY OLYMPICS WHEN I WAS 16

Speaking of Kevin, they all call him “nerd” or “einstein”

Allison: so the nerd can fight uh

Aaron, counting down on his fingers: so you have F1 Pilot Superstar Allison Reynolds, former gold medalist and tech genius Kevin Day, a human diapason, a multilingual arsonist, World no.1 Taekwondo Champion Renee Walker, a cop, an actor…..what are you there for??

Andrew, literally a mafia king:....ice cream and crime?

Neil to Andrew, after the whole debacle with his father is out: You did know there were mafia out of Germany too, right?

Andrew: I can’t even have that for myself fuck this family

Dan, every time before each “mission”: okay guys I know we need to do it but I’d like to remind ALL of you *looks pointly at Neil and Andrew* it’s STILL illegal and morally dubious

Neil: …….like I said to Nicky, irrelevant *without missing a beat blows up the entire building and puts on stolen Gucci shades*

Alternative:

Neil: ok saint theresa why were you the one to suggest we explode Riko’s brain off then

Dan: ...don’t turn the conversation around me it’s about you

Allison “guess we’re detourning a place next” Reynolds and Kevin “It’s not that hard to pilot” Day

(Kevin: But why are you on a plane to Russia? I thought you were in India last time?

Neil:....don’t ask)

Aaron to Andrew, where they are trapped and betrayed: your boyfriend wouldn’t happen to know how to poison a whole room with gaz?

Neil: I was born for this moment

(Andrew: just bc you’re my brother doesn’t mean you have the right to dirty talk my boyfriend)

Andrew: be gay, do crime and eat ice cream

Nicky: AND BLOW NEIL’S D-

(before they know abt Neil’s past, when Andrew is angsty bc he caught feelings)

Andrew: You shouldn’t get close to me, it’s dangerous, i’m mafia

Neil: oh haven’t you heard-

Jeremy, bouncing out of nowhere: Hey Kev ! Love how you BI-nary code ahah have you heard of the ARCHIPELAGO

Neil, sipping tea: so my father is the Butcher

Matt: okokokok coolcoolcoolcool yk what arson doesn’t sound like a bad idea after all

(this one is not funny sorry) but Neil taking over each time someone is hurt bc he is used to deal with it

“Give the pain to me”

Andrew and Aaron like to fuck around a lot with the whole sensate stuff (since only one of them is a sensate)

Bad guy: only one of you is a sensate, which one is it?

Twinyard, in a perfect and flat tone: try to guess

A bad guy is spying on Andrew and waiting to kill him in Germany, via a cam, thinking he’s safe BUT SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER it was aaron dressed as Andrew in a mafia meeting and now you have to deal with a 5 feet tall mafia boy

For real tho they are a little protective of the normal doctor who heal them every time (yes even Neil but don’t tell him) so you bet something like that happens one day:

Aaron: comes home from work angry

Andrew, cleaning up blood or counting money: whassup shithead?

Aaron: There’s this older doctor he’s great and all but he’s a fuckin asshole to me he belittles me everyday bc i’m young and we lost a patient today bc he rathers humiliate me than let me save him

Andrew, a dangerous glint in his eyes and a whole cluster behind him: oh?

Kevin, opens his computer and digs up dirt on him: give me a sec

Allison: I can roll over him with my truck

Neil: there is so many ways to mix two meds and kills him ON ACCIDENT

Dan: let’s see how he deals in prison

Nicky: oh this is going to be fun

Kevin, reciting facts like he’s reading a grocery list: so yeah he smuggles meds from the hospital so local drug dealers, illegally sells meds for himself on the black market, does tax evasion, is friend with a local senator and both of them are involved with minors….i have already several reservation at X hotel btw and cases of work harassment on nurses and interns, threats to others older doctors in serve, and OH. OH. We have a spanking kink on our hands too.

Every members of the cluster, turning to Nicky and Neil:....go wild

Nicky, giggling: not that’s it’s a shame when it’s consensual but not here so - let’s start with the spanking :D

Neil: Can I make him cry

No violence is used but the doctor is found on the floor drowning in his own tears after a few minutes and after an hour he’s resigned and leaving the country

Andrew was dressed as Aaron for that (that being: smuggling Neil and Nicky into the hospital to meet the doctor through him) and sends him a selfie of a 5 feet surgeon and the man crying on the floor

It’s their best memory as a family (Aaron hates Neil a little less after that)

Neil to Nicky: why did you stop me from pushing towards suicide??? He’s gonna do that in another country

(Kevin: no if I can help it)

Nicky: bc we don’t do that to people!

Neil, Andrew, Aaron, Allison:...........right

Neil: killing even indirectly is no good but destroying their life and humiliating them publically is good?

Nicky: YES!

Matt and Dan: WAIT NO

(Allison: don’t brother Neil you’ll just hurt your head)

(Neil, close to tears: but...but...but arson?? Andrew, with knives out: alright fuckers who broke his heart?)

Matt and Dan bc they’re fuckin weak to Neil: ITS OK BUDDY ARSON IS GOOD

I have to end on this note:

Storyline wise, Neil would have make the perfect Wolfgang too….if Wolfgang was a twink.

#aftg #the foxhole court #tfc #andreil #hc #hcs #headcanon #headcanons #sense8 au #neil josten #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #dan wilds #matt boyd #reene walker #allison reynolds #kevin day #nicky hemmick #all for the game

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missjanjie · 4 years ago

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These Words are My Own (From My Heart) | Crygi

Title: These Words are My Own (From My Heart) Summary: Gigi brings a journal with her to the Drag Race set, intending to keep it as a way to express her thoughts during the competition and quell her anxiety. Instead, it becomes the narration of a love story that unfolded behind the scenes. Word Count: 2415 Relationship(s): Crygi (Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode) Rating: M Notes: This is a diary/journal-style fic, so it’s written from Gigi’s POV throughout

read on ao3

July 22nd 2019

I don’t know what I expected from the first day of filming, but it was… a lot. The two group thing puts on that extra level of pressure, and I can already feel a little sliver of anxiety trying to wiggle its way in. Not that I’d ever let it show, of course. It’s way too early to worry.

As far as the other girls… I actually like them all, which, let’s be honest, is the biggest shock of them all. I almost kind of wanted an enemy. But I think I might have found the opposite. Crystal.

Crystal is weird. She’s so fucking weird, but she’s funny and kind and smells really nice and is super cute out of drag. I don’t know where I’m going with this. We just had an instant connection, and I think it’ll be a nice thing to have in a situation like this.

July 25th 2019

Holy shit. The first episode is done. I’m so fucking tired. And I fucking crushed it, oh my god. I didn’t expect anything less, of course. This is a sign for how the competition’s gonna be for me, I just know it.

But anyways.

Crystal told a joke during dinner that made me shoot water out of my nose. Nicky called me a sprinkler for the rest of the night, so fuck her. Besides, Crystal said it was cute. I know, I’m sounding like I have a crush on her, but I don’t. I just appreciate being around her, we get along well. So let me reiterate: I do not have a crush on Crystal.

July 26th 2019

I have a crush on Crystal.

They’re filming the other premiere today and we had some time to sneak away. I don’t know who she got weed from, but I owe them my life. We shared a joint and whenever she had it I just… stared at her. I don’t know how to explain it – she looked all glowy in the sunlight. Her hair – that fucking mullet – looked so soft and shiny, she looked like art.

I hate her. I want to hold her dumb hand and kiss her stupid face.

July 29th 2019

Crystal has a boyfriend. Of course she has a fucking boyfriend. Why wouldn’t she? There’s probably like, six other gay guys in Springfield and I bet they all want her. This is why I don’t do crushes. Crushes are bullshit. This is bullshit.

But… she held my hand in the van today. That was nice.

Fuck.

July 30th 2019

I kinda avoided Crystal on set today. I felt bad but it just made me sad and that’s not something I’m gonna deal with. I think Jackie suspects something’s up though. Her mama bear senses are tingling, I just know it. I thought it’d be annoying, but it’s nice having someone older and wiser keeping an eye on me.

Oh my god, Jackie’s my babysitter. Maybe I should talk to her about Crystal. I feel like she’d listen. She’ll probably try too hard to help, like it’s a puzzle that she needs to solve, but if I have to tell someone, it’d be her. And maybe it’ll make me miss Crystal a little less.

July 31st 2019

I was wrong, Jackie’s not my babysitter, she’s my mom. Not in a bad way, because obviously my mom’s the best, but in that she got very invested in the Crystal situation in the same way my mom always likes to hear about whatever guy I’m dating.

The good news is that Crystal’s relationship is open. I mean, that is good news, right? It feels like it should be, and my heart wants to latch onto the fact that I could have her in some capacity. Having her in any capacity almost feels like it’d be enough, at least for now.

She asked me if something was wrong, said I seemed ‘distant’. What was I supposed to do, tell her the truth? That’s ridiculous. I just apologized and said I was dealing with migraines. She offered to smoke me out next time she gets her hands on anything. And I know I’m not gonna be able to say no to her, there’s no point in even trying.

August 5th 2019

I think Crystal knows I like her. The energy between us has shifted and it… feels kinda good. She’s more touchy, more giggly. I think she even flirted with me today. I don’t know if she figured it out on her own, or if Jackie told her, but she’s onto me.

The thing is, I don’t know what to do about it. Yes, she’s in an open relationship, so it’s ‘technically’ okay, but it’s not the same. I don’t have anything against it, but… I don’t know, maybe I’m just selfish and want Crystal all to myself.

I feel guilty, then I feel stupid for feeling guilty, because I know I don’t need to be. Make it make sense.

August 6th 2019

If Jackie tells me one more time that I ‘need to talk to Crystal about my feelings’, I’m gonna blow up her spot about all those not-so-platonic gazes she keeps directing at a certain singing queen. She thinks I haven’t noticed, but she’s not subtle either. I wouldn’t do it on camera, though. That’d get too messy.

Besides, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to explaining how I feel anyway. I don’t like explaining myself and I don’t like all that ‘bare your soul’ type of emotional intimacy. All I know is that I want Crystal in every way you can want someone. But that doesn’t seem like enough to say. Like, if I’m gonna spill my guts, I’d have to go all out. And I don’t want to do that. So. I’m gonna stay quiet and wait for this to blow over, like a normal person.

August 9th 2019

Crystal kissed me.

We were in the back of the van. I was talking about… I don’t even remember what I was talking about, but out of nowhere, she just kisses me, like it was normal, like it was the easiest thing in the world. It was soft, gentle, but with this little hint of desire that still has me hot under the collar.

And I didn’t know what to say. What the fuck was I supposed to say? I asked, “what was that for?” And she just smiled and said “you look really pretty and I wanted to.”

I wish I could’ve said something smart and funny, or flirt and bat my lashes. But no, that’s Gigi’s confidence and attitude. This was all Sam, an idiot whose brain short-circuited after one kiss. “Oh, thanks,” was all I said and I’m gonna be kicking myself for it until I’m dead. And right now, I’m hoping that’s soon.

August 12th 2019

I kissed Crystal this time. I needed to gain some semblance of control here. She seemed surprised, but also kind of relieved. Had she been worried I was mad or freaked out? Funny enough, her being relieved made me feel relieved too. I think we’re on the same page now. I don’t know what this means for us now, but I feel like it means something.

August 13th 2019

The good news is I’ve got Jackie off my back for now. The bad news is it’s because her girlfriend is probably planning my murder. I mean, at the end of the day, a win is a win. But the bruise I had on my ass for a week is a poignant reminder that Jan was a jock who could snap me in half if she wanted to.

Which is also weirdly hot? I can see why Jackie’s ‘secretly’ pining for her and shit. Or maybe I’m getting too lonely and need to get Crystal’s mouth on me again. Not even in a dirty way, though that mental image sure is nice…

August 14th 2019

Maybe I thought about that mental image too much, because I had a sex dream about Crystal last night, like, a hot one.

We were in the werkroom, the only ones in there, and Crystal’s sitting up on one of the tables, I’m standing in between his legs and we’re making out. Then it’s kinda blurry, but next, we’re both naked and I have him bent over the table. And I can remember pulling his hair and listening to him moan while I fuck him. It felt real, and I haven’t had a wet dream since high school.

I just hope it doesn’t affect me when I get on set, I can’t afford to lose focus because I’m too busy thinking about jumping Crystal’s bones.

August 19th 2019

So… I guess in a way, I manifested more physical intimacy between Crystal and I. I was telling him how I was all stressed and wound up after not doing well in the last challenge, and that I don’t think I did well with this one, and he’s quiet for a moment, then goes “let me help you feel better.”

And I’m just like, okay? I didn’t know what to expect, but then he takes his jacket off and puts it over my lap and… I’m perplexed. I’m intrigued. I’m aroused. Even when he’s undoing my jeans, I’m thinking, ‘there’s no way he’s actually gonna do this, right?’ But the only person that keeps an eye on us in the van is Jackie, and he’s got his own problems to worry about.

Long story short, Crystal jerked me off in the back of the van. It was hotter than I thought it’d be – I guess having to stay quiet because four other queens and a PA could’ve caught us adds an extra thrill. Of course, I would’ve returned the favor if we’d had time. Next time, though. Next time.

August 21st 2019

‘Next time’ did happen, and it came back to bite me on the ass. I didn’t think people really had Freudian slips until the way I said “we’re fucking in the top six” in Untucked. It didn’t help that Crystal had this smirky grin. Ugh, I could’ve died.

I feel like everyone knows, honestly. That they’re just not saying anything to be polite. I’m sure once this is all over, I’ll never hear the end of it, though.

August 24th 2019

I think I’m in love with Crystal. I knew I loved her, admired her, but… it’s more than that. And I think I’ve known for a while, but I haven’t been able to articulate it. Because it feels so different from anything I’ve ever felt before. Crystal is so different from anyone I’ve ever met before.

I don’t know what this means for us when this is all over. It’s not like I expect her to leave her boyfriend and move in with me here in LA. But I wouldn’t say no to that either, you know? Right now I feel selfish, that I just want her all to myself. But maybe I’m just sad that come Monday, it’ll be the last chunk of time we’ll have together for a while.

It’s barely been over a month and I already can’t picture my world without her. And… yeah, I’m in love with her.

August 29th 2019

Crystal and I had one day together before he had to go back home, and we made the most of it. We did the cute shit like go out to eat and take a walk, but I also got to take him back to my apartment and fuck him like I wanted to since day one.

I don’t know what this means for us, now. He’s back in Missouri, getting ready for the next Get Dusted show. I’m here, still in full drag after a photoshoot. I guess this is ‘back to normal’, but I don’t know how anything is ever going to feel normal again.

October 18th 2019

Filming Drag Race feels worlds away now, it’s weird being too busy to write most of the time. But by the same hand, it’s nice to always be occupied, lord knows I need it.

I still talk to Crystal every day, either through text or calls or FaceTime. It’s nice to be reassured he thinks of me as much as I think of him. When I’m alone, I start to worry that maybe this was one-sided. But I don’t need to say that to him, he can tell when I feel weird and talks me down without even trying.

The thing is, I’ve always felt the most beautiful when I am Gigi, like it’s the best representation of who I am. But Crystal makes me feel beautiful even when I just woke up and he’s listening to me complain about greasy skin. I didn’t really think about something like that, about letting someone else make me feel the way I thought I could only do for myself.

Crystal is just that special.

November 2nd 2019

Crystal told me he’s in love with me for the first time. I knew, I think I knew, but I didn’t realize how much it would mean to finally hear it. I cried, and I couldn’t even be embarrassed about it.

What was funny to me was when Crystal apologized. He said he’d known for so long, and felt guilty that he kept waiting to say it. He told me he didn’t think he could give me what he wanted because he wants to stay in Missouri. I told him I don’t care how far apart we are, or who he was with.

We have something special. I don’t care what it is, we’ll make it work. And besides, the promo shoot is just two months away.

January 4th 2020

I can’t even begin to explain how good it feels to be back with the cast. Obviously I’m thrilled to see Crystal, but all of us together just makes me feel whole. Jackie asked me how things with Crystal are, I said they couldn’t be better. I asked how things with Jan are, she said there are ‘a lot of question marks’.

Compared to them, my relationship with Crystal really isn’t that complicated. We love each other, we don’t need to put a label on that. I don’t know what’s going to happen when the show airs, but I know I’ll have Crystal. Even when we’re sixteen hundred miles apart.

#crygi #goodemethyd #rpdr rpf #rpdr fanfiction

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