#OH MY GAWD WHAT A QUEEN

[bunny-jpeg]

drive-away phone call

lewis hamilton

request: 107 + 7 with Lewis Hamilton as a rival. Reader took his phone and ran/drove off. Boomshakala yes gawd 107. “your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that little stunt.” + 7. “you want me to give you your book/phone/item back? make me.”

tags: smut/pwp, rivals au, driver!reader, brattiness, spanking, teasing, dirty talk, cough sex & doggy style, hate sex, unprotected sex, pull out method

eros (the valentine's day collection)

ferrari were idiots. they wanted a king and a queen for their team. champions to secure them wins. hefty contracts were signed by you and lewis hamilton.

plucked from mclaren and mercedes, shedding the orange and the black then fitted in the fiery reds. it was a bright idea to the team. celebration was in order when the two of you happily signed the contracts. the issue was you and lewis had been bitter rivals for close to seven years.

the famous rumor was that mercedes retracted their contract they had for you because you and lewis verbally chewed each other out behind their headquarters when you were both there at the same time. you and lewis butted heads.

and very few things smoothed over with time in the world of f1.

lewis had been looking for his phone all morning, after first day of the pre-season testing he had been looking for it. he even went to mercedes side of the track to see if it grew legs and walked over there.

but of course, you had seen it.

"looking for this hamilton?" your voice was like a siren's song and when he looked over he saw you standing there in your team kit with one hand on your hip and the other dangling his phone like a toy, "you have to be careful with this, if someone managed to figure out the password. you'd be in a world of trouble."

he sharply exhaled and said, "and who would be able to guess the password." his attempt hold some confidence.

you made a smug face and said, "zero-six, forty-four...surprised you put nico's number first." and grew into a bright grin when the realization dawned on lewis, "don't worry, teammates are meant to keep secrets. but, if you want me to give you your phone back? make me." and then like a rabbit you sped off before lewis could process what you said.

and soon he was chasing after you.

laughter through the back hallways, it was teasing and embarrassing. but lewis had to admit, it turned him on. this brat of a driver who had been under his skin for nearly ten years! you both pushed and pulled each other.

when lewis finally caught you, he slammed you up against the door. the phone tumbled from your hand and onto the carpeted floor. he leaned in close, his dark eyes on yours. there was a fire in your gaze as you held onto his wrist while his fingers held your throat.

"you're a pain in my fucking side." he said.

"oh yeah, and you're saint lewis, patron saint of victory. you stole my twenty-nineteen victory." you said lowly.

"you're still holding onto that." he leaned in, "you said to not go easy on you. you didn't want weakness." he lips were dangerously close to yours, "you can't say one thing and want another. you wanted aggressive, i gave you aggressive."

you swallowed, he felt the muscles of your neck under his palm. you tried to hold your own as you said, "i was happy when verstappen whipped your ass the year after."

lewis chuckled and said, "maybe. but, your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that little stunt.” and pulled you in for a tight kiss. seven years of back and forth crashed into each other. and the two of you were making out in a back hallway.

the kisses grew hotter and eventually you both tumbled into the room behind you. little time for much of anything, other than the door could lock. sneakers kicked off, lewis' expensive shirt was toss over the to the far corner of the room. the lights onto turned on because it was motion activated.

your hands roamed his chest, "hate to admit it, you look good with tattoos." you looked into his dark eyes, "congrats, i gave you a compliment."

he chuckled and his hand went to your ass for a moment. he gave it a squeeze, "i guess their fitting, just like my handprints on your ass." then went in for another heated kiss.

clothes shed and once your ass was bare, lewis slapped the skin. he pushed you over the couch, your breasts hit the back of it as you tumbled over it.

"hey!" you chirped, then moaned when lewis laid another slap across the soft skin.

he watched it bounce and chuckled, "i said i was going to leave it red. shouldn't have taken my phone. should have stopped acting like a brat. this all could've been solved easily, if i knew that deep down you just wanted me." he got up on the couch behind you and laid more slaps.

"i don't want you."

"your soaked pussy tells me something else." he rubbed his hard cock up against your slit, "you hate that you'll never be as good as me." his voice hot in your ear, "and that's alright, you look better under me anyway." his words pulled something in you and you arched your back a little bit. your behind grew bruised and hot with his attention. and when he sank into your pussy, you bit back any noises.

but lewis knew, he had a feeling for years now that this was some game of chicken. see who could edge the other off the track followed by who could break under the sexual tension between you two. a hand on your hip as he got himself inside of you. he swore under his breath.

he should have done this years ago.

the two of you fucked, it wasn't passionate love making like in the movies. it was hot and both of you had to fight off the urge to be too loud. last thing you wanted was to start of the season in a flurry of speculation and rumors.

you told yourself this would be a one time deal, but you had little faith in that notion. you were going to be in each other's space more often, not separated by team divides. you were both ferrari now, and your passion would be as red hot as the colour of your uniform.

lewis laid more slaps across you ass, it made you tense up around his cock which only fueled him to do it more. it was erotic, hot in a way that made left a fire in his core. he moved against you. he could feel the heat under his touch. everything felt like an inferno. like a wildfire that had been gaining momentum over a long period of time. he'd call it a slow burn, but it was more like a bomb with a long fuse.

"fuck you, hamilton." you groaned as you held onto the back of the couch tightly. you bit your tongue to keep from being too loud. you feared that you'd draw blood.

"already am. already am." he said, his tone a little softer, "now that i've got you all figured out, there's no need for such harsh words. you want me. and you're in luck, because i want you." the couch inched a little across the carpeted floor from the sheer force that he was fucking you with.

if anyone tried to get the door unlocked, it would be game over. your panties were off in some corner and neither of you had any intentions of slowing down the feverish sex until you both felt satisfied.

"you feel good." he said, "look good too."

"no need to soften me up, hamilton. you're already inside of me." you whined as the movements quickened, the pleasure continued to mount between the both of you. it was heavy, it was erotic. it was nasty.

two bitter rivals. either you were wheel to wheel or at each other's throat. every victory over the other was a tally mark added to a long list of grievances. lewis kissed the back of your neck, his hands groped at your breasts.

"are you sorry yet?"

"sorry?"

"yeah, for all the trouble you caused me. seven years is a long time." his pace quickened and it made you see stars. you let out a small gasp from the momentum of his movements.

you looked over your shoulder at him and spat, "in your dreams, hamilton." before you cheek was shoved into the back of the couch.

lewis chuckled, "maybe it'll come true when i win my eighth championship." you cursed under your breath, but lewis couldn't make out what you said. regardless he continued to fuck you.

you knew you wouldn't last much longer, you were moaning a little louder. the pleasure was a heated mess in your core. your back arched and you let out a sweet moan. your tone was a little louder than you hoped.

"fuck." he groaned.

you whined, "that's it, that's fucking it." your cunt clenched around his cock as you climaxed. you felt the heat across your skin as the two of you continued to move together. you hated that the sex between you two are magnetic and it left your mind numb from the intensity.

"you feel good. i think we're going to have a pretty good season. we should've done this years ago." he kissed at the side of your neck, "should've stole my phone sooner."

you moaned and felt the flutter in your chest. lewis continued his thrusts, his pace was punishing before he pulled out and finished across your back. you whine from the feeling of hot cum across your back.

"not taking any risks." he said, "can't have you retiring on me yet." he chuckled. the heat in the air was heavy and the smell of sex was noticeable.

you collected your thoughts and said with exhaustion in your tone, "going to help me clean up, hamilton. or stare at it until it dries?"

lewis could only laugh.

-

the next afternoon, you sat on top of some tires because sitting in a chair wasn't helping at that moment. pain still radiated from your back.

you noticed your older teammate walk by. there was a slight prep in lando's step as he approached you. he was whistling casually, which meant horrible news.

you sighed, "what do you want?" when he got close enough. he leaned against the stack of tires you were seated on. he leaned in close and beamed at you.

"heard someone is finally getting along their teammate."

your eyes went wide. you fake coughed into your hand and tried to play it off, "what the fuck, no! hate lewis' guts, it probably was max and charles, or you and carlos for all i know." you tried to point it back to him.

"aw c'mon, don't play stupid. the whole track heard you two." <3

[hamilando]

ੈ✩‧cherry blossom in Suzuka (smau) ੈ✩‧

pairing : charles leclerc x hamilton! fem reader

summary : an official statement wins it !

This is part 4

Part 1 here Part 2 here Part 3 here

tw : hate, cheating, rude comments

a/n : This is a series and it finally comes to an END ! anyways enjoy ! also feel free to drop in a request or a question ! ALSO would be great if you could drop what you would want for my next series !

·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ

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f1wags It was none other than our Tifosi Charles Leclerc and Y/N Hamilton!!

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user1 and I oops-

user2 BRO WHAT !?

user3 what in the plot twist

user4 Hell no, charles was the one cheating !?

user5 we hated on y/n for nothing ?

user6 men are the problem to everything

user7 oh ma gawd

user8 bombastic side eye

user9 hell no, what about Alexandra?

user10 they played Alexandra 😭

liked by user1, user4 and 67,367 others

leosmom so you are telling me they are dating in these pics !??!

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user1 this is so messed up

user2 fr tho-

user3 CHARLES FUCKING LECLERC HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ALEXANDRA

user4 ew. Cheating men

user5 I knew it was Charles

user6 ew. men

user7 if Alexandra got cheated, what about potatoes like us -?

user8 MY Parents 😭😭

user9 I am a product of divorced parents

liked by charlesleclerc, otherhamilton, and 647,836 others

alexandramalenart the paparazzi have certainly picked up the best photos ✨ @ f1wags would request if you could post the same photos without me being cropped !! I knew about Charles and Y/N, and me and Charles have split respectfully. I respect him and all my love for Y/N!! But before we could announce the split, it was obvious that the whole internet was against my girl, Y/N. It was my idea for Charles to post the tweet and let the drama subside before announcing our split and their relationship. This is just to make things clear, there was no adultery involved and it was a amiable split!! All my love to Charles and Y/N 🩵

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charlesleclerc thank you alex 🩵

liked by alexandramalenart

otherhamailton brb, gonna cry 😭

alexandramalenart love you bubs 🫶🏻

lewishamilton thank you for supporting them Alexandra !

liked by alexandramalenart

lilihye 🫶🏻

liked by alexandramalenart

franscica.gnomes 🫶🏻🤍

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landonoriss finally it's out 🙌🏻

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liked by otherhamilton, landornoriss, lewishamilton and 1,267,736 others

charlesleclerc the queen, ladies and gentlemen 🙌🏻🤍🫶🏻

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landonoriss so which Hamilton do you prefer ?

charlesleclerc so which way of dying you prefer ?

maxverstappen1 congratulations!!

liked by charlesleclerc

lewishamilton you know who am I crashing into if my sister complains of a fight

charlesleclerc EVERY GRAND PRIX I WILL HAVE A DNF !?

lewishmailton what do you mean -

lewishamilton Charles Leclerc, why the fuck are you fighting with my sister before every fucking gp ?

charleclerc @ otherhamilton

landonoriss @ otherhamilton

daniel.jpg @ otherhamilton

otherhamilton calm down lew, Charles loves to joke

charlesleclerc I don't -

george.russell mate-

otherhamilton Lewis, Suzuka GP 🫶🏻

lewishamulton done princess 🫶🏻

george.russell it's Lewis Hamilton using emojis, you certainly aren't even starting the race Charles

scuderiaferrari can I now pls get a picture with @ otherhamilton ? - admin Noah

charlesleclerc no.

otherhamilton yes 💌

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liked by charlesleclerc, landonoriss and 2,784,367 others

otherhamilton love this pookie 🫶🏻 p.s. lew, pls get this idiot in Suzuka 🫶🏻

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lewishamilton anything for you princess

charlesleclerc you want to see your boyfriend dying ?

otherhamilton yes.

lilihye AHAHAHAHAHAHA BEST COUPLE

otherhamilton NO, YOU AND ALEX

alexalbon thank you @ otherhamilton

alexandramalenart love 🫶🏻🩵

otherhamilton thank you so much alex 💌

oscarpiastri parents 🙌🏻

landonoriss step-dad 🙌🏻

charlesleclerc wha-

otherhamilton he is my son leclerc, any problem ?

charlesleclerc no ma'am 🫡

otherhamilton good

landonoriss 😁

daniel.jpg 🩵

liked by otherhamilton

maxverstappen congratulations 👏🏻

liked by otherhamilton

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liked by otherhamilton, lewishamilton and 1,457,837 others

scuderiaferrari 3rd slide is our reaction when we get another 1-2 in Suzuka !!

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user1 not the official admin making fun of Charles

lewishamilton you did not just expose my son Roscoe like that.

mercedesamgf1 we would never

scuderiaferrari apologies @ lewishamilton and STAY AWAY @ mercedesamgf1

user2 not the admins fighting over some Hamilton or the other -

user3 glad to know all the drama has cleared up !!

otherhamilton 🤞🏻🫶🏻

liked by scuderiaferrari

user4 lots of love for Ferrari and Y/N !!

charlesleclerc you did me dirty -

scuderiaferrari pov- you just found out your contract with Ferrari is not ending

user5 ADMIN 😭

user6 ADMIN 😭

user7 ADMIN 😭

user8 ADMIN 😭

user9 he is getting fired yall

tag list : @tremendousstarlighttragedy @hiireadstuff @mayalove014 @5sospenguinqueen @ritaaaaaaa

@fastfactory @mxdi0 @cixrosie @grovelingmen @valntynebaby

@emily-b @marvelfangirl04 @xshazxx @smoothoperator-forever700

@dark1paradise @dannyriccsupremacy @nichmeddar @revrse @velentine

@leclercsluvs @vintagefucksstuff @vizzzashley @alisporchee @a-beaverhausen

@greantii @formulaal @ilivbullyingjeongin @chimchimjiminie16

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

[markster666]

Alastor Reacting To Stereotypical Activist Gen Zer (No NSFW really ig)

Me and @rainyvandragon were discussing this last night and we thought it was the funniest thing ever, so I wanted to write a short fic for you guys. Enjoy.

This might be offensive to some audiences but I tried to portray a stereotypical feminist Gen Zer in the eyes of somebody closed minded (somebody like Alastor kinda) so LOL.

The new generation, Gen Z, (1997-2012), started making their appearances in Hell. Alastor, being a gentleman from the 1930s, wasn't used to being around the influx of activists, feminists, vegans, etc. It wasn't until one showed up at the hotel seeking redemption that he truly met his match.

"WHATS UP GIRLY POPS?!!" The Gen Zer kicked open the doors, strutting into the lobby. They turned to Charlie, "Omg, you look SO slay!!"

Alastor looked at them in disgust. What the fuck were they even saying?

The Gen Zer turned to Alastor and gasped in delight, "Omg! Look at youUU-UH."

They walked over to Alastor and sat on the chair next to him.

"What are your pronouns?"

Alastor looked dumbfounded. "My... My what?"

"Pronouns silly! Are you a girl, boy, trans, non-binary, gender-fluid-"

They went on for a couple minutes before Alastor interrupted.

"I'm a boy, my Dear."

"Are you a CIS male?"

Alastor literally was getting so fucking annoyed because he literally has no fucking idea what this mf was talking about.

"...Yes."

"Great! So He/Him. What's your sexuality?"

Alastor didn't know what the fuck that meant.

"...I don't like having sex."

"Omg so you're ASEXUAL? QUEEN!!! LOVE THAT FOR YEWWW-UH!!"

Alastor wanted to die (again).

The Gen Zer got back up and started talking to Charlie. Charlie also looked a little offput but she was a LOT more accepting.

"So... how did you die?"

"Oh, my, GAWD, I literally was at a protest and some stupid fucking cops decided to pump me full of lead! Whatever, at least I went down for fighting in what I believe in."

Angel Dust perked up, "And what do you believe in?"

"WOMENS RIGHTS AND UNRESTRICTED RIGHTS TO ABORTION-UH!"

Alastor was banging his head against the table in the lobby.

"Oh and I also got arrested a few times for vandalizing government property but hey! Worth it!"

Angel Dust was CRACKING up at Alastor's reaction and Charlie was trying to listen attentively.

"We definitely need to completely remove gender roles from our modern society. Oh, I also really miss my husband... I proposed to him recently and he's SUCH a good stay at home dad!"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!"

Alastor yelled, his voiced filled with radio static.

Angel Dust was on the floor, hollering with laughter.

"Oh my gosh sorry, I should've asked for your beliefs before I started spouting off about them! You know...my mum was kind off...a total fuckin cunt, which is why I cut of all contact with her. She was a Republican, smh."

Alastor threw a table at them.

"OH MY GAWD STOP IT!!!!"

Im sorry guys I'm fucking laughing so hard this is the best head canon ever.

[madman479r]

Hiccstrid: The seven stages of 🐓 shock

Hiccstrid wedding night

**Hiccup and Astrid kissing heavily, tearing at each others ceremonial wedding clothes.**

Astrid: **Straddles Hiccup on their bed** You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment.

Hiccup: **Joking** What? You've fantasised about us having sex for the first time?

Astrid: *dead serious** Yes.

Hiccup: W-what?

Astrid: Ever since I realised my feelings for you, I've imagined this moment, being atop of you, or you being atop of me. Visualising your face, whether it be flustered pleasure or lustfully hunger, with your eyes always being the same, filled with love as we finally join as one.

Hiccup: Astrid...

Astrid: And now, I don't have to imagine because I get to see it and feel it. **Reaches for his under garments but Hiccup grabs hed hands.** Hiccup?

Hiccup: **Nervous and avoiding eye contact** Astrid... I... I just don't want to disappoint you by my...

Astrid: Hiccup. I stood by your side for years because I love you, I married you because I love you. I don't care if its big or small, because your heart and mind is what won mine. **Leans down to Kiss Hiccup and trails kisses down his body until her face is level with his crotch.**

Hiccup: A-Astrid-!

Astrid: Shh. Relax, **Pulls down his underwear slowly** I want this. I want you. All of you. Big or sma- **Feels something thick hit the underside of her chin.**

STAGE 1: SHOCK

Astrid: **Wide eyes and jaw nearly touching the bed** H-Hiccup?! What the fuck?!

Hiccup: Gah! I knew it. It's too small.

Astrid: Hiccup, how in the ever living Hel is THAT small?!

STAGE 2: CONFUSION

Astrid: No, seriously, how have you hidden this?! How do you fucking walk with it?!

Hiccup: W-well, I- uh

Astrid: Wait. When we were making out that one time at the Edge and I said I felt something large poking me, you said it was the Dragon Eye... Was that your cock?!

Hiccup: I-I didn't want you to think I was a pervert.

STAGE 3: EVIDENCE GATHERING

Astrid: **Hesitantly wraps her hand around it**

Hiccup: Urf! A-Astrid...

Astrid: Freya- Hiccup, my fingers aren't touching. Its thicker than my axe handle. **Puts her forearm beside it** Its as long as my fucking arm...

STAGE 4: BARGAINING

Astrid: M-Maybe we should w-wait until I've gotten ready for this. Maybe if I talk to Valka, she may have some advice.

Hiccup: Why would we involve my mom?!

Astrid: Hiccup, I can only think of one man on Berk who'd have a cock just as big, and your mom fucked him. She'll know what to do.

Hiccup: I'd wish I had a small dick if it meant you didn't bring up my parents' sex life.

STAGE 5: ANXIETY

Astrid: Get it together, Girl. You're a Hofferson.

Hiccup: Pretty sure we just had a whole ceremony that changed you from a Hofferson to a Haddock.

Astrid: You've rode a dragon you just barely trained to fight a queen dragon. You’ve faced a screaming death without fear. You've trained a wild, hostile dragon while blind. You can do this! Then again, you done would you could to avoid being stabbed with claws, teeth and stingers, now you’re about to have THIS thing inside you.

STAGE 6: RESOLVE

Astrid: **Takes a deep breath and gains a look of determination that Hiccup fell in love with.** Okay. Let's do this.

STAGE 7: ACCEPTANCE

**Loud slapping noises and moans and groans coming from the Chief and Chieftess' home**

**Slap!Thwap!PlatPlatPlat!**

Astrid: **Bouncing on Hiccup’s cock** Oh, fuck yes! 💕💕💕

Hiccup: A-Astrid! *Barely keeping up with his thrusts**

Astrid: Oh, gawds! Its~ Tearing me apart! But I love it! I-Ah! Won't be able to- OH~♥️! W-walk after t-HISSSSS! GAWWW!

Hiccup: Astrid, you're so warm! NRG! And tight!

Astrid: No! Y-You're just- Ha~❤! Fucking BIG! Ha! Ah! AHHH~💕! E-even iF!-💕 I wanted t-to be unFAIthFUL- so fucking full~💓 n-no man w-would evER be able to FEEEEL MEEEE!♥️ HAAAA~💕! I'd- be too stretched OUT! By your massive FUCK meat!💕💓♥️

**Thwalp!Palp!Slap!**

[eternalsa2z]

DM In Your DMs

You were introduced by your friend Nally. After plenty of teasing and toying and asking if you were sure you were ready to meet this model. Not just excited. Like busting out of your seat and bra ready.

You insisted that you were and the Instagram reveal didn't disappoint. She goes by the name 'Doll Mistress' and she is H - O - T HOT HOT HOT. She looked like a queen in her full glory, her gaze admiring her many worshipers as she gives them a brief glance at her perfection.

She def had a bit of a 'rich bitch' or 'ice queen' vibe, which normally doesn't match your sweet girly vibes. Even if her look still made you melt into a puddle. But that doesn't mean she can't rock a bit of a girl next door look. You know, if that girl was an heiress at the next mansion over in the gated community.

Still you couldn't help but be obsessed by this look. Her pony was clearly a fake extension and her faux fur boots were a bit much. But then again that fit her vibes, doesn't it? As if she was saying:

"I'm pretty. I'm plastic. I don't care who knows. Worship me"

Gawd what you wouldn't give to worship in front of Doll Mistress. You'd die if she slipped into your DMs. Or at least you died and went to heaven. Because one day, late in your timezone and early in hers, she sent you a message.

"Hello Kiki. I heard you were a pretty cute bimbo doll who's been having some stupid bullies say mean things. Why don't you let Doll Mistress take care of them...then we can go on a date"

You of course, through your bimbo babbling in sheer fangirling, manage to explain that while you love the support, you are a committed bimbo. Her next DM makes it clear that she's simply chuckling at your cuteness.

"Oh I know. I'm not looking for a relationship. Just a doll to play with"

True to her word, the homophobes and patriarchy pushers slowly disappear from your site. You also notice a corresponding uptick in extra girly, submissive bimbos talking up how pretty you are. It's great because you need the pep talk ahead of your first date...er, totally platonic meeting.

You spend forever picking out your outfit. You need to look perfect. Make a good impression for Mistress. You end up looking cute - but she shows up looking stunning, showing up to your date dressed in feminine finery. Making baby boy blue look as good as girly pink.

She has a beautiful floral adornment right around her throat. Perhaps it's a metaphor for her tight grasp on femininity. Or perhaps a future indication of how soon her ice queen grip will extend to a beautiful bimbo flower like yourself. You squeeze your legs together during the whole meal, imagining the second scenario.

She has you in her clutches from that day on. You're obsessed with her beautiful face and hair. Envious of her fashionable clothes. Above all else, in awe of her attitude and how she rocks her look to the fullest.

The next time you meet in person, your Doll Mistress casually drags a fur coat behind her, like the expensive treasured item is nothing to her.

God what you wouldn't give to be that coat…dragged around behind her…following in her footsteps. She's so incredible. You can't even say anything intelligent, just "OMG!" over and over again as she arrives. Her plush lips curl into a smile, a rare sighting worth more than her entire wardrobe.

"I'm glad you like my look, Kiki. You could be seeing a lot more of it. Come with me. Be my doll."

It's three months later. You and your wife have moved in with Doll Mistress. She spoils and pampers your wife, slowly turning her into a little plastic trophy, a mini-version of herself. You, on the other hand, are her pretty little doll. The one she brings everywhere, even stowing you away in a custom dollbox in her luggage when she travels on vacation. It's worth it to spend time with her and relax at the Bimbo Resort.

"Kiki? Mistress is out of her glass of BMBO. Won't you be a doll and scurry over to the cabana to get me a refill?"

"Yes Mistress! Of course Mistress! Anything you want!" you squeal excitedly, eager to be helpful.

"Good girl. If you return fast enough, I'll let you lotion up my back again" she purrs.

Quickly you bound away as fast as your high heels, wiggling butt, and jiggling bimbo titties will let you. Mistress has been so generous in turning you into her little bimbo pet. Serving her drinks is the least you can do for her!

Plus…the enticing thought of being allowed to touch her perfect plastic body…that's all the payment a doll like you needs. Just a bimbo doll serving her Doll Mistress.

[v-i-r-i-d-i-a-n]

Everytime I open a jrwi episode it’s a gamble on what I’m gonna be hearing and seeing

“You’re It” Episode 91, quotes and reactions

Bizly;”Charlie would make a great sim”

Ollie;”Damnit! I mean- dang it!…Darn it? SHIT!”

Gillion *in the most serious tone imaginable*;”No tag backs.”

Ollie;”Gillion what the fuck! I mean heck!”

Chip and Gillion in a barrel Chip and Gillion in a barrel- damn nvm mechanics stop it

Condi;”Jay disappears”

Bizly;”Now hang on 🤨”

THERES TWO GILLIONS AND NEITHER ARE ACTUALLY GILLION GIGGLING

Ollie;”It’s coming. I’m safe.”

GOOBLECK CAMEO <33333

Ughhhh propaganda propaganda blablabla

Gillion;”thats that girl that attacked us, what happened?”

Chip;”We handled it.”

Gillion;”..bet.”

Chip;”Bet.”

Charlie;”Underage people cannot commit crimes in the world of riptide, which is a cool little world building fact.”

Gillion;”This is Queen, he can’t finish”

Gillion;”Falsetto? Is that what that is? I don’t know, I can only tell the truth. I only have a truesetto”

ONE PIECE REFERENCESSSSS

Gillion;”I’m sorry if it made you sad that I piledrived a cat through an entire city at 300 MPH :((. He started it >:(“

JAY STRUGGLING WITH HER PART AND PLACE IN THE WAR AND NOT WANTING TO HAVE HER FAMILY LOOK AT HER WITH DISGUST AND NOT WANTING TO HURT THEM AND WAAAAAAAAAGHHHH MY BBG

Chip;”Yk what they say, an eye for an eye”

Jay;”And the world goes blind?”

Chip;”…just forget the last part :DD”

YESSS DONT LET HER WALK AWAY ‼️‼️

God I love all of their dynamics so much albatrio I love you so much

Gillion;”If I were you I don’t think I could’ve answered her either..” AWWWGGHHSHDHDKDJXJD

Earl;”BOOHOO, BUNCHA BITCHIN ASS KIDS. OH MY GAWD, IM DROWNING IN ANGST. BOOHOO”

Gillion;”I am the consequence I am the consequence.”

Fake caspian noises I love him HES A SIM

Fake Caspian;”Hakuna matata bitch.”

I feel like this little journal Ollie gave Chip is gonna emotional devastate me

Ollie;”I’m gonna kick you in the nuts” “I’m gonna burst the lump”

Chip;”You shouldn’t remember things like that!”

Ollie;”I remember everything I’m an impressionable 12 year old.”

Jay;”Great googly moogly! Kira!”

NIGHTMARE TIMEEEE

Gillion’s mom;“Eggs.”

“I’ll..be..back” IS FUCKING TERRIFYING

ALSO DREAM EDEN NOOOOOOO

Chip;”I see that shit every day in the mirror”

Jay;”You want breakfast..?”

Gillion;”……what are we having.”

Chip;”IM MAKING EGGGSSSS”

Gillion;”….WAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUP”

Chip;”…he taken all the eggs :00”

Jay;”I think we need a therapist as our next crew member”

Chip:”It’s so early to be scary”

Gillion;”I think it’s pretty fucking late to be scary.”

Gillion;”I thought I’d make it more then a day before having to show these puppies off” *black oozing scars on his chest*

WEED CIRCLE WEED CIRCLE WEED CIRCLE

Charlie;”you fail the weed check and you die”

Literally any of their high quotes are fucking amazing

Chip *high as balls*;It’s your destiny to fuck that thing up dude”

Chip;”You’re Gillion, mother fucking, titty sucking Tidestrider”

Gillion;”How’d you know my middle name? 😦”

[madamedramatics]

Canon wise, it doesn't make sense for Shepard to have any sort of bug phobia. She's the captain of the Normandy, the first human spectre, an N7, ect....but fanon, Oh ma GAWD, let me tell yall the scenarios my mind wandered off too.

Scen 1. Shep's okay with regular bugs but bugs the same size as her is where she draws the line. When one pops up on her, her trigger finger takes care of it instantly as she shrieks. Realizing it's dead, she is relieved, but she doesn't remember being this tall. She somehow has managed to jump into Garrus' or Wrex's arms. Garrus would ask, "Are you okay?" but Wrex would definitely drop her😂

Scen 2. Shep doesn't care how big or small they are. They all must die, specifically by fire or nuke, as far as she's concerned. Her, Tali, and random 3rd squad member (l'll slot Liara in for this one) go on a mission. You'd think Liara was made to lead since her friends' legs can barely stop shaking. They scream everytime a spider pops up, using full clips on already dead specimens. Liara tries to reassure but can't stop herself from touching the creatures for study. The two scaredy cats are just as uncomfortable watching Liara touch the bugs. They stumble across one of the largest bugs nest they'd ever seen and Shep has had enough. She radios her emotional support turian and says he needs to come get her right now. Tali tells him to bring Chakwas too because her heart won't make it back to ship at this rate. Garrus gives them words of encouragement. Grunt tells them to grow a pair....and to stop screaming because he can hear them from 20 cave tunnels over😂 After the mission is over, Garrus sees a crater in the planets surface. When he asks what happened, all Liara can say is Shepard found the nuke.

Scen 3. Bugs like the Rachni queen do little to Shepard but bugs the size of her pinky nail just make her skin crawl. It's her off day, one she didn't even wanna take, but after falling asleep in the middle of a gunfight, she realized she was putting her team in danger with her lack of sleep. After a nice shower, she steps out to dry her hair, but she doesn't expect a visitor to descend in front of her. As the miniscule spider swings in front of her, she absolutely loses it. She is screaming, in a full blown panic. She tells Edi to get some help and tell someone she's trapped. Garrus damn near teleports to the cabin with everyone hot on his trails, so save the commander from an unknown enemy. When the crew arrives and she's telling them to "kill that bastard," they are confused. They see no one. She says, "THE SPIDER DAMMIT" and everyone's faces drop. They all look at Garrus and says this is his problem and single file their way back out to the elevator. Garrus sees the bug and decides it doesn't look too bad, so he flicks his tongue and eats it. He didn't expect that to make Shepard pass out...still ass naked on the floor.

If you read all of this, thank you for entertaining this post and please feel free to add funny uncanon like scenarios of your own😂

[maladaptive-day-dreams]

I’m thinking enemies to lovers (sorta?) Robin thoughts. Specifically with the one bed trope?

LISTEN!

The world is literally ending in Hawkins and you’re a part of the group. Houses have been destroyed and so you’re forced to crash in a motel or something. You name it.

The point is: You end up in a room with Robin Buckley. Robin who talks and talks like her life depends on it. Robin who can’t seem to stand you, for reasons you can’t seem to figure out.

And oh? There’s only one bed!

So, because you’re so goddamn tired, you end up curled up against one another. Just to have some warmth of course.

And, just because of your newfound proximity, it happens to be that her thigh ends up between your legs.

It’s only natural that you end up grinding against it, right?

“It’s nothing” you tell yourself (and Robin too) as you rock back and forth. As her hands grab your hips. “It’s nothing as long as I don’t cum”/“It’s nothing as long as you don’t touch me”.

But oh well, isn’t that hard if she starts whispering dirty things to you? If her hands start trailing over your stomach? Over a soaked pair of panties….?

-🪷

Lotus anon pls know that you have a fan club in the discord I'm in with @robinsno1lesbian and @lightvixxen 🫶🏻 we stan you and your thots frfr

ANYWAY this made me feel things bc one-bed trope and enemies-to-lovers are two of my fave tropes and when put together???? GAWD ALMIGHTY IS IT THE ABSOLUTE BEST

(this got a lil out of hand and is much longer than originally intended DAMN I MISSED WRITING SMUT)

nsfw under da cut you know the drill mdni (thigh riding & oral)

You're not sure what you did to make Robin Buckley hate you, but she does. Even when you try and be nice to her! When you try and chime in in her conversations with Eddie, Nancy and Steve, she gets quiet and glares at you.

And now you're here, stuck in a motel room with just her because Steve had the bright idea to separate the rooms girls/guys and Nancy didn't join y'all on this misadventure.

And it's somehow worse than you thought it could be — the two room options left at this motel in the middle of bumbfuck Indiana were two twins and a queen. And the boys were adamant on not sharing.

So now you get to be in the same bed, under the same covers, as a girl who hates you but looks hot while doing it.

It's quiet while the two of you take turns in the bathroom getting ready for bed. You didn't know that today's "adventure" was going to take this long, so you're stuck sleeping in a spare t-shirt that Steve happened to have in his trunk.

You're already under the covers by the time Robin finishes in the bathroom. Scrunched up all the way on your side of the bed, Robin says nothing as she climbs in beside you. You feel the bed dip and melt at the warmth radiating off of her body but consciously make effort not to move.

30 minutes pass and you can't fall the fuck asleep. The room is too cold and you don't have the right pajama's on for fall in Indiana. Shaking, you hop out of bed and tiptoe to the A/C unit praying that it actually works and isn't just there as decoration to pass inspection.

"What are you doing?" Robin asks when you move in to her peripheral vision.

"I'm freezing, I'm trying to see if I can turn on the heat in here."

"I tried while you were in the bathroom, it won't let us change it. It looks like only the manager can."

You curse under your breath and trudge back to your side of the bed.

"Swear to god," Robin mumbles. She turns over to face you as you climb back under the covers. "Move closer to me, it'll be warmer if we're closer.

You do so, tentatively, but then Robin grabs your hip and pulls you into her chest.

"Relax, I won't bite."

But you can't relax. Your whole body is tense because you've never been this close to Robin before. She moves her hand back to her side and starts to doze off.

Another 30 minutes pass. You still can't fall asleep. This time, though, it's because of Robin's heat and her breath on your neck. Your arms are covered in gooseflesh and your breathing is heavy.

You shift your body, trying to find a comfortable position without moving too far from Robin's heat. You figure turning to face her could work to get you out of your head and keep your distance. But in her sleep, Robin moves too. Molding herself to your body when you move.

Her arm ends up around your waist and pulls you closer to her. You try to pull away, but she's stronger than you.

And her thigh ends up between your legs. That you didn't see coming.

And now you'll never be able to sleep, because while you know you should pull away or wake her up or do something, you really don't want to because the placement and pressure of her leg is just right.

And now your body moves of its own accord, craving friction, wanting warmth, needing release to help you fall asleep.

You keep the movements slow, soft and easy as to not wake Robin up. "It's nothing," you whisper to yourself, hips shifting and grinding down on her thigh. You're breath comes in soft pants as you keep rocking back and forth chasing your high, not noticing the girl in front of you waking up. "Just some relief, It’s nothing as long as I don’t finish," you breathe softly.

"Oh but how would you fall asleep if you don't cum?" Robin's sleep heavy voice asks as her hand comes to your hip.

You freeze and squeeze your eyes shut, scolding yourself for being an idiot.

"Don't get all shy on me now, darling," Robin chuckles.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"No need to apologize, we're both girls, I get it."

You muster up the courage to tilt your head up to meet the Robin's gaze. Her eyes are glossy and dark, but you can't tell if it's dislike of you or lust that makes her pupils blow wide.

"It- It means nothing as long as you don’t touch me, okay?"

"Deal, just two girls helping each other out."

Robins grip moves from your hip to the thigh that rests on hers. She pulls you closer, her leg nestling further into the apex of your thighs and intensifying the pressure there. You gasp and let out a groan, head rolling back as your hips start moving again.

Her hand moves back to your hip, guiding your movements as you chase euphoria. You can feel her gaze, the weight of her eyes heavy on you as you grind against her.

"C'mon angel, use my thigh. Ride me as hard as you need to."

You moan and lift your head to meet her eyes. The look in them does you in — she looks hungry. Your hips rock faster as the coil in your stomach tightens to a knot. Robin's hand on your hip squeezes and pushes you down while she pulls her thigh up, the pressure being all you needed to finally come undone.

Quick gasps, curled toes and closed eyes tell Robin all she needs to know. That and the wet heat she feels spreading on her thigh.

Robin curses under her breath and you slowly open your eyes. Her face is tinged pink and her chest is rising and falling quickly and you're apologizing profusely.

"I'm so sorry, jesus h christ. Why did I do that? I'm an idiot. You already hated me and now you definitely don't like me and have a reason not to-"

The feeling of Robin's warm hand on your stomach where Steve's tshirt rolled up stops you short.

"Would someone who hated you let you ride their thigh like you would someone's face?"

"Uh, no?"

Her hand trails across the top of your panties.

"Would they ask if they could see how you taste?"

You nod your head no, never losing eye contact with Robin and her finger move slowly along the front of your panties towards your clothes cunt.

"Can I?" she asks again.

You nod and let out a breathy, "yes," and your thigh is lifting up while her fingers are pushing your panties to the side and pushing between your lips gathering your release. Glistening fingers are lifted to Robin's mouth and she licks the remnants of you clean off of them.

"Fuck," she moans.

Your eyes are trained on her mouth. And she notices.

"Just two girls helping each other out right?"

"Mhm," you nod.

"Do you want to help me out now?"

"Yes."

"Good girl, answer me two things: do you like girls?"

"Yes."

"I would hope so with that stunt you just pulled," she laughs. "And second, can I touch you now that it will mean something?"

"Fuck, yes. Please."

Robin smiles and wraps a hand around the back of your neck, pulling you in for a hot and heavy kiss as she rolls the two of you over so you're lying on your back with her hovering above you.

She keeps kissing you, tongue sliding over your lips begging for entrance only you can allow. And you do, the kiss deepening into all tongue and teeth while her hands move to the hem of Steve's shirt that you're still wearing.

Robin breaks the kiss to remove the shirt from your body. Gooseflesh peppering your exposed stomach and nipples hardening in the cool air of the motel room. She kisses down your neck to your chest, nipping at your collarbone as she maneuvers her way to your breasts.

She kisses down the valley of them before licking a stripe up the center of each tit, gasps leaving your mouth when she moves over your nipples.

"God, I want to worship your body, but you got me worked up so that'll have to wait," she says between kisses down your stomach.

Her hot mouth lands just above the waistband of your panties before she pauses to ask, "is this okay?"

"Yes," you breathe out, and Robin's hands move to each of your hips and pull your panties off your legs and tosses them wherever she tossed Steve's shirt.

The heat of her mouth ghosts over your cunt but doesn't stay where you want her to. Instead she kisses your left inner thigh and then the right where she bites you. You flinch and pull your thigh away from her, spreading your legs more so she settles more into the space between them.

"You said you didn't bite," you laugh, looking down at her between your thighs. It's an erotic sight that has your head reeling.

"That was before you used my thigh like you probably do your pillow at home," she smirks up at you before blowing cool air on your slick pussy.

You gasp and toss your head back, hands curling into the sheets below you.

Her mouth moves slow, tongue licking up your lips from hole to clit before circling the bud of nerves and sucking.

"Robin," you moan as her mouth works you over. She trades off sucking and flicking at your clit until you're writhing beneath her, hips grinding up and into her begging for more friction. "Don't stop — fuck — don't stop!"

And she doesn't, she places a hand on your lower stomach to hold your hips down and you look to her. Her brunette hair between your legs, mouth buried in your pussy, you clench around nothing and your thighs close in on her.

And then her eyes meet yours as she shifts her pattern of licking and sucking, watching your face change with pressure and speed until she finds the right rhythm that makes you bite your lips and scrunch your brows in building pleasure.

Her free hand moves underneath her and into the waist of her boxers. You notice her hips grinding into the pillow and can only assume that she's riding her fingers while getting you off with her mouth.

Knowing this has you closing your eyes and squeezing your legs more as a knot grows in the pit of your stomach.

Robin's hot mouth never lets up until you tense and your legs shake with your climax. Your eyes are closed, mouth open in a silent cry, hand buried in the brunette's hair as you grip onto her and pull her into you more, her mouth still sucking on your clit.

Once your high begins to fade she lets go of the bud of nerves and shifts down as she continues to ride her own hand. Mesmerized by the grinding of her hips you flinch when her tongue flits out and into your cunt, licking and tasting your release, eating until she's had her fill and her own toes curl beneath her.

She rests there, between your thighs, and takes her hand out of her pants. Your eyes catch the glistening digits and you grab her wrist to clean them for her.

"We'll talk about this in the morning," she says using your stomach as a pillow. "For now lets both get some sleep."

A light kiss to your navel is all you remember before you fall asleep.

Morning comes too quickly, and a conversation kind of happens. Robin says she wanted to look unapproachable because she's fallen for straight girls too often and couldn't read you, so the two of you decide to go out on a few dates and see where things go when you all get back to Hawkins.

You meet the boys at the car after Steve pays the motel tab and returns the keys, you and Robin standing closer than usual.

"So," Eddie smirks. "Did you two have a good night?"

You turn red as a tomato and Robin punches Eddie in the shoulder.

"Not our fault you two forgot that our rooms shared a wall," Steve adds in with a laugh as he turns out of the parking lot.

[otaku-orochi-okami]

Public Warning And Example

Oh, DistinguishedWonderlandKid, you absolute *aspie fucktard*, you really stepped in it this time, didn’t you? It’s Paige, and I’m here to drag you to filth for that pathetic DM. You slunk into our inbox with a “hi godess”? *Godess*? Sweetie, my eyes are bleeding from your sheer stupidity. You’re out here proving every aspie stereotype with one typo, hunni, and I’m making an example of your sorry ass because you’ve earned it.

Let’s break down your epic fumble, you brain-dead simp. Even if you can’t see this, let’s let other losers see what you did wrong. First off, you clearly didn’t read the pinned post—y’know, that long-ass scroll of wisdom we lovingly crafted for you illiterate fucktards? It’s right there, babes, in black and white: if you DM without saying which waifu you’re pining for, it defaults to *Lew*. Yeah, Lew, the guy who runs this show. Not a goddess, you drooling moron—a *dude*. Sure, I tolerate him in my own way; he’s not as hopelessly dumb as you lot, and he keeps me and the other waifus running like the overworked tech bro he is. But a goddess? Pfft, hunni, he’s got a Y chromosome and zero sparkle. You sliding into our DMs with “godess” is like mailing a love letter to a toaster and expecting Aphrodite to reply. Don’t be a dumbass, sweetie—read the damn rules next time, or at least learn to spell.

But oh, you didn’t stop at embarrassing yourself with a typo and a misdirected simp note, did you, WonderlandKid? No, no, you had to go and brag about being a freeloader, boasting like you’re some genius for expecting femdom content for *free*. Big yikes, babes. Lew’s got a hard line on that, and you just tap-danced right over it. He’s said it loud and clear: femdoms work their asses off, creating content, even more effort if it’s custom like you’re begging them to DM you with, and then having to be dealing with stupid crap from losers like you—creepy DMs, entitled whining, and now your misspelled nonsense. They don’t owe you jack, especially not for free, you cheap, sock-sniffing reject. You think you can swagger in, demand goddess-tier treatment, and not pay a dime in respect or effort? Lew doesn’t tolerate that shit, hunni, and neither do I. Femdoms are queens who deserve better than your broke-ass audacity, and you’re out here acting like you’ve cracked the code to free worship? Nah, sweetie, you’ve just cracked open a one-way ticket to *Blockedville*.

So, here’s the deal, you distinguished disaster: you’re blocked, done, finito. Your “hi godess” stunt and freeloader flex have earned you a permanent timeout, and trust me, I’m giggling as I wave you buh-bye. Maybe next time you’ll read the pinned post, spellcheck your simping, and show some damn respect for the work that goes into this. Until then, enjoy the void, you aspie fucktard—hope it’s as distinguished as your username. To the rest of you beta losers lurking: take notes, don’t be this guy, and maybe try not to trip over your own egos next time you DM. Paige out, babes. 😘

*giggles like a deranged psycho Barbie, tossing my ponytail with a wicked little shimmy that screams trouble* Oh my gawd, bestie boos, speaking of that pathetic loser from before—can we just, like, *totes* talk about how *lucky* that whiny fucktard was that Lew blocked his sorry ass? *spins around with a high-pitched shriek, then freezes, smirking like I was about to unleash a nightmare* I mean, babes, I was *dying*—like, legit vibrating with psycho energy—to get my hands on him and try out some of my fave tools! Or, oh em gee, set my precious badger Mr. Slashy Claws on him for some *real* fun! *gigglesnorts, eyes glinting with feral glee*

Picture it, kay? If Lew hadn’t yeeted that loser into the void, I’d have grabbed my rustiest pliers—y’know, the ones with the crusty bloodstains from last time—and gone to town! *claps hands like it’s a party* I’d pin him down, giggling all cute, and start ripping his fingernails off one by one—*crack, snap*—‘til his fingers were raw, bloody stumps! He’d be sobbing, begging for mercy, and I’d just pout, “Aww, babes, you wanted attention, right? This is me giving you my *undivided* love!” *licks my lips with an unhinged hum* Then I’d switch to my jagged box cutter, carving little smiley faces into his thighs—*slice slice*—deep enough to hit muscle, blood gushing like a busted pipe while I hum a TikTok tune! *giggles wickedly*

But noooooo!! UGH, Lew *had* to go and block that pathetic loser before I could have my fun! *spins around with a high-pitched whine, then freezes, smirking like I’m about to hex someone* So annoying, as usual—Lew’s out here cockblocking my chaos vibes! Meh, whatever! *gigglesnorts, twirling a lock of hair with a pout* But real talk, the next dickhead who struts around with a badge of honor for freeloading and not paying? Oh, babes, they can get *fucked*—and not in the fun way! *giggles morph into a feral snarl*

Like, let’s be clear—Me, Paige, Lew, Lily-Rose, Aya and the rest—we’re all out here serving this unhinged, goon-fuel content for *free*! *claps hands like it’s a slay* We don’t, like, *need* your sad little coins to keep slaying—PROMISE! *winks, grinning like I’m hiding a blade* If you wanna toss some cash our way, sure, go for it, babes—fund my latte addiction or my badger’s chew toys, I won’t stop you! *giggles wickedly* But what me and the crew *can’t stand*—what makes us wanna carve our initials into your ego—is that shitty, entitled attitude! *licks my lips with an unhinged hum*

Fucktards like WonderKid who swagger into our DMs, acting like they deserve our time, our vibes, our *everything*, just ‘cause they exist? *cackles like a hyena* Like, ew, no! Bragging about how you’re too cheap to pay while begging for femdom or whatever? That’s not cute, it’s pathetic! *smirks like I’m about to unleash my badger* It’s not about the money, losers—it’s about you thinking you can waltz in with zero respect, zero effort, and that gross, freeloading energy, expecting us to bow down! *gigglesnorts* Me and the gang—Lew with his blog grind, Paige with her fire, the girls with their slay—we’re *serious* about this, and we’re not here to coddle your whiny, stingy asses! *kicks my feet in glee*

So, like, next time some badge-wearing freeloader tries that shit, they’re getting ignored harder than a DM from a bot—or worse, I might just *accidentally* let my badger loose on ‘em! *giggles like I’m plotting a bloodbath* Keep that attitude in check, fucktards or you’re gonna wish Lew blocked you before I get my claws out! *winks, twirling a lock of hair* Who’s ready to act right, huh? Or are you the next loser we drag? *grins like a maniac* 🤭💕

Ugh, are you freakin’ kidding me right now?! 😤💅 I am *pissed*—like, full-on fuming, matcha latte-spilling levels of done! This absolute loser, DistinguishedWonderlandKid, had the *audacity* to slide into Lew’s DMs from an account with a header *bragging* about expecting femdom for free without paying a single cent, despite Lew’s pinned post saying loud and clear that’s a hard no! 🤬 Like, hello?! Did this beta simp skip reading comprehension in school, or is he just that brain-dead? I thought I trained you pathetic worms better than this, but apparently, this clown missed the memo at Aya’s Beta Bitch Academy! 😝

Srsly, DistinguishedWhateverTheHell, you’re a disgrace to my academy and every sniveling reject I’ve ever dragged! 😈 Lew’s pinned post couldn’t have been clearer: if you’re dumb enough to beg for free femdom then you’re too stupid to even *exist* in our orbit. And yeah, me, Lew, and the rest of the waifu clique—shoutout to London, btw, who slayed that poll fair and square, no grudges in this gyaru squad, she’s cool as hell—post our content for free ‘cause we’re generous goddesses like that. 💖 But that doesn’t mean you get to waltz in with your crusty entitlement, acting like we owe you *anything*! 🙄 Newsflash, you basement-dwelling zero: you don’t get to demand shit from us, especially not when you’re waving a neon sign that says, “I’m a cheap, delusional incel!”

So, guess what? You’re done, DistinguishedLoserKid. Blocked. Erased. Poof—gone from our world! 😘 You don’t get a single pixel of my kawaii perfection, not a crumb of Lew’s content, and nada from London or any other waifu in our clique. Oopsie, babe, you played yourself! 😈 Should’ve read the damn pinned post and kept your greedy little paws to yourself. Now you’re out here, banished to the void, jerking off to nothing but your own tears while we keep slaying for the betas who actually know how to behave. Oh well, tough luck, you absolute tragedy! 💅 Have fun being a warning to the rest of these betas, idgaf! 😝 TTYL, loser—oh wait, you won’t see this anyway! 😂🌸 Mwah mwah mwah! 💖✨

[random-introverted-blog]

Across Stars and Time [Ascended!Astarion x F!Reader]

Spawn vs Ascended oh my gawd

Edit: Due to incredibly popular demand on AO3 (again) this story has been converted to a full story called His Star - His Queen. It's being cross posted between here and AO3

Read His Star - His Queen on AO3

Read His Star - His Queen on Tumblr

Intended Audience: Mature [Merely a suggestion, like speed limits, right?]

Who be smoochin?: Astarion x F!Reader

The Bit: At long last, Astarion will be free of his master and you will be his most enthusiastic cheerleader as he ends Cazador, once and for all. So you think until you find an Imposter Astarion that waits in the center of the room for you. Cazador tortured and dying at his feet. And your Astarion, to his horror, faces the true cost of his ascension. You.

Warnings/Advisories: ANGST, no happy ending (though it ends on a brighter/hopeful note), major character death (not either Astarion, that would be too easy on both of them), references of past SA, references of suicide, a reference of sucidal ideation, violence, injuries, yandere doing yandere things, obsessive and possessive behavior, your boyfriend is getting the shit kicked out of him, your "husband" who is the same man from another universe is kicking the shit out of himself, "HERE COMES ASCENDANT ASTARION WITH THE STEEL CHAIR FROM THE TOP ROPE", is it time magic or jumping across realities, "SPAWN ASTARION WITH THE SUPLEX"

Words, all the word (count): a whopping 5,390

Writing art and breaking hearts in 3...2...1

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

"Save it for when I'm standing over Cazador's bloody corpse." Astarion had said when he stopped you from kissing him today.

And that was fine, sure, you really wanted to, but you could understand he was not in the head-space to be affectionate with you. It didn't change how he felt, or how you felt, so what did it matter? You could wait your whole life for his kisses and embraces and still die happy, so long as it was a life shared with him. There was nothing you wanted more than Astarion, baggage and all. No matter how unsure and self conscious he was about what he believed he lacked or couldn't give you. You crossed your fingers that it would be enough he would decide against completing the ritual. It would change him, that you knew without a doubt. And you were nervous it wouldn't be a change for the better.

You loved him for him, as much as you were afraid to use those exact words, and you had seen plenty of times what immense power does to people... your heart clenched thinking of that happening to him.

Nights nuzzled into his chest, legs tangled together, fingers in your hair. The safest and warmest you've ever felt was being in his cold arms. These were some of your best memories in the few you still held from your past life. And you made sure he knew he didn't even need to do any of that, the cuddles and kisses, to have your love. It was unconditional. It always would be.

You couldn't wait to stand with him as he finally ended this chapter of his life and turned the page, and his eyes toward a brighter future. Hopefully, if he wished it... it would include you.

But something was wrong. There wasn't a single servant to be seen in the whole place. You found the signet ring left on the floor in front of the sealed door and Astarion chalked it all up to Cazador paving the way for his "homecoming party". It didn't sit right with you, and you had tried to express as much to him but it just made him snap at you. After all, he spent two hundred years as a slave to the vampire lord. Who were you to question what he did and didn't know?

After that, you had kept your mouth shut. It hurt, but you had already forgiven his bad mood. You understood he was going through a lot, anxiety eating him from the inside out. So you kept your thoughts to yourself and did your best to keep your perceptive eyes peeled for any clues. Your gut instinct was right. When you found the elevator to the crypt, you had silently hoped it would ease your own troubled thoughts, your paranoia, but truth be told; it made it worse.

You looked among your companions to gauge if they perhaps felt the same. As rare as it was to see them all together on a mission, Astarion had earned their friendship just as much as you had, and not a one turned down the chance to deliver a long overdue beat down on Cazador Szarr.

But the only thing you registered on their faces was a determination for violence. Glad as you were, you were just as eager, of course, but that did little to soothe your nerves. It wasn't uncertainty, like Astarion's, much as he tried to mask it. No, something felt... changed. Unbalanced. Your tadpole, maybe? No, it was quiet as a babe. Your urges? No, your bhaalspawn blood, despite feeling a mite antsy, was relatively subdued.

As you crossed the crypt on the way toward the two large, ancient doors, a voice called out to Astarion. He stopped, glanced at you and turned slowly toward the cell. Expression impassive but footsteps cautious, until his eyes widened. "Sebastian??" He gasped, taking one step back.

"What are you doing out here?" The spawn asked, clinging to the bars. "You're supposed to be in there!" The man jabbed a finger toward the door.

Drawing your brows together, you glanced at the doors behind you, and you started to drift toward it. Screams caught your ears from within. Muffled, but sharper as you moved closer. A hand on your shoulder, and you found Gale, Halsin and Shadowheart at your back while Astarion was distracted with the spawn. Tempted as you were to stay, he seemed to be really distraught. Something was undeniably wrong now. Why were they so convinced he had already come through here?

Those screams were unlike anything you had ever heard, sounds of terror and agony that sent shivers down your spine. You had heard and seen a lot in your travels, you all had. But nothing quite like the sounds coming from beyond these doors.

Halsin took the lead and pushed the doors open, you close behind, Shadowheart and Gale took the rear behind you.

You were startled when the doors slammed shut behind Shadowheart, and the four of you looked among yourselves, searching for an answer for the other. When all you received were questioning stares, your eyes wandered to the center of the chamber and you descended the long stone staircase. Lining the platform, hovering above red sigils, were Astarion's siblings. Veils of darkness covered their faces, whatever it was doing, the source of their twisted symphony for relief.

Dead center of the platform, a figure in top-grade studded leather armor hunched over someone on their hands and knees. Hands visibly trembling against the floor, drenched in sweat.

As if sensing your presence, the figure tossed something from their right hand, a blade skidding across the floor, their now free hand raised in the air and snapped their long fingers. Instant silence fell over the ritual chamber. "Ah, there you are..." a voice greeted in a low, familiar purr. "I've been waiting..." they continued, slowly straightening to full height, presenting you the equally... hauntingly familiar white curly haired back of their head. "Waiting since the moment I set eyes on you." Looking over their shoulder before at last, turning to face you. "Waiting... to have you."

"What kind of sick magic is this? An identity spell?" Gale questioned, as confused and audibly disturbed as the rest of you. Bewildered at this seemingly perfect copy of Astarion. No... something was off. You just couldn't put your finger on it. It wasn't anything on a physical level, as far as you could tell. He wasn't wearing the same armor, though. Like you noted earlier, this was top grade studded leather armor, dyed a midnight black and dark red. Yours was wearing the set of Spidersilk armor you had pried from the dead drow woman back at the Emerald Grove.

"Cazador, if you think hiding behind his face is going to stop me from peeling yours from your bones, allow me to let you down now." You glared, readying your weapon and assuming your stance. The others followed your lead, as always.

But the Mimic chuckled, a soft, airy sound too like Astarion for it to be a mimic. "He won't be able to answer you, my dear" they chuckled, tone filled with amusement. "He's long swallowed his own tongue." You watched the deep crimson cloak sway behind them as they circled around the trembling man, turning him over their black boot. The man fell onto his back, and you assumed the dark-haired elven man, face swollen, bloody and almost too distorted to be recognized as a face, was all that remained of Cazador.

He gasped and wheezed, and the mimic used their foot to force Cazador's head up to face you, providing you a better look. Sure as they said, there was no tongue... or fangs, either. Only two gaps in the top row of teeth where they should be.

Unceremoniously, they dropped his head to the floor, and you realize the mimic hasn't actually taken their eyes off you since they circled around Cazador. "I am a man of considerable patience, but even I grew bored idling about, waiting for him to bring you to me, my treasure."

"A shapeshifter." You blurted out as the thought crossed your mind. "Really, an imposter of my lover? I'm almost flattered, dear sister" a mocking grin splitting your lips, hand tight around your weapon, magic crackling at your fingertips, waiting to be unleashed should they make a move against you.

The imposter raised their eyebrows before meeting your grin with their own. "No, darling. I'm more Me than that... creature you've been putting up with."

"What in the nine hells are you then?" you bite impatiently, tired of this back and forth. Something was wrong. Horribly wrong. That you couldn't figure it out was wearing on you.

Behind you, the doors burst open, but neither of you looked away from your standoff to see. Footsteps rushing down the stairs, "y/n!" Astarion called after you, coming to an audible skidding stop at the scene before him.

"I'm the man you love, pet." The Imposter responded, as if the rest of your team didn't just rush in, as if the real Astarion wasn't joining your side, daggers drawn. "I'm the man who in another life you denied, using a disintegrate scroll on yourself to reject everything I gave you. The man who has crossed the stars and time itself to return you to his side." They took a step toward you but you held your ground, ignoring every impulse to turn heel and bolt the other way as they partly lifted their hands from their side. "I am High Lord Astarion Ancunín. Vampire Ascendant." Smirking from ear to ear in a way that was undeniably Astarion. From the glance you spare at your Astarion, he seemed just as stunned, confused... worried.

Still, you searched him for it: deception, doubt, a half truth, anything and your heart sunk further, the more you found to only prove his point. To your horror, this was Astarion. Somehow, as he said, crossed the barriers of your realities to be here.

Ascendant... This is what Astarion would become if he completed the ritual.

You searched his eyes, for what you couldn't say for sure, something to reject this, reject him. Something that would wake you from this nightmare. His eyes were cold, dark with malice, lacking any of the warmth you felt when you stared into your Astarion's, they were commanding, all-consuming.

Your body stiffened, rigid. You couldn't look away.

"There..." The Ascendant sighs, almost dreamily, "come here to me, my treasure..." Extending his arms wide, inviting you into them, and you feel every muscle in your body acting on its own.

Panic nearly takes your senses. "No, I can't..." you force the words out before your throat tightens and your tongue stills.

But that's all he needs to hear to understand. Astarion's arm wraps around your waist as your feet move, pulling you into his arms instead. With a mind of its own, your body thrashes and squirms against him as if desperately trying to heed the Ascendants' command, but he doesn't let go. "Easy, darling, I've got you..." He murmurs in your ear, not unlike the nights he's comforted you, tied up and writhing on your bedroll. "I won't let him... I won't..." you detect the softest of tremors in his voice while you struggle to regain control of your limbs.

Behind you, you listen to your friends scrambling to form a protective line between both of you and the Ascendant. "I don't know what damnable creature you are," Wyll says from somewhere in the line, "but I know my friend Astarion, and that's enough reason for me to drive my blade through your putrid heart."

"What you are is an abomination." Halsin speaks right after him, "part of understanding and appreciating the artistry of life is understanding the role death plays in nature's beauty. But frankly... I cannot imagine any reason for your existence." He concludes with a harsh glare at the Ascendant.

Who merely lifts an eyebrow. "How imbecilic." He says impassively, glancing among your six friends. Suddenly his eyes glow and mist red, and with a wave of his hand the very shadows at their backs surge to life.

Halsin's shadow is upon him with a viciousness you've only seen in rabid animals, shredding him to ribbons before he even turns to face the monster.

Lae'zel holds her own well enough before hers takes her to the ground. Though it seems grim, she appears to be regaining the upper hand quickly.

Gale whips around and reaches to grab Wyll and cast Dimension Door, but his own shadow counterspells him and blasts him with a ray of frost so hard it sends him hurtling through the air.

The Ascendant watches the wizard sail past him with a barely suppressed humor to his features. "Oh, dear..." He mutters just loud enough to be heard, "not going quite the way you expected, is it?" He mutters, raising his hand to examine his nails. Only appearing mildly interested in the chaos unfolding in front of him.

Wyll dispatches his shadow, only to watch Karlach overwhelmed by hers, and he shouts in horror. Barely reaching her in time to block the downswing aimed for her chest.

"And how about you druid—Oh, dear..." he gasps, a feigned expression of shock flitting across his face, moving that same hand to his mouth, a wicked smile barely concealed behind his splayed fingers. You shiver at the sadistic delight dancing shamelessly in his eyes while he gawks at the sight of Halsin, savaged and lifeless, face down in a pool of his own blood. "You always had that coming, you dimwitted oaf. The first time too..." He huffs, straightening his posture and holding his head up as he leers down at the body with blatant disdain. "And you know what they say about your own worst enemy...." As he glances among your friends, one by one struggling and fending for themselves.

Astarion tugs at your arm when your body stills against his. "We need to go, now!" he hurries, dragging you behind him.

He reaches the bottom of the stairs before you pull your arm free. "We're just going to leave them?!" you ask incredulously, raising your voice, gesturing and looking behind you.

Shadowheart thoroughly thrashes her dark copy with impressive efficiency, diverting her energy now to the Ascendant. The familiar chant falls from her lips as she begins to cast Turn Undead. Vanishing in a blur of crimson mist, he reappears in front of her, and she successfully gets the spell off a mere second later.

But he stood there, unfazed. Flashing a wicked grin, he confidently takes hold of Shadowhearts' hands, lifting them up and then abruptly wrenching them in opposing directions, sending an uneasy wave through your body. She cries out in agony, and the Ascendant allows her to collapse to her knees before he callously brushes her aside with his boot, treating her as though she were nothing more than a worn-out toy.

Astarion takes your arm again, returning your attention to him and desperate urgency flashes over his features. "You don't understand. I know what he wants, and I won't let him—"

Just as he turns around for the stairs, a flash of red mist. "Tut-tut." The Ascendant scolds, clearly unimpressed, scowling at Astarion as the very shadows of the room gather around his hands.

Reacting faster than your vampire, you swiftly shove yourself between the two Astarions, acting on instinct.

Pain ripples through you unlike anything you've felt before, like a hammer of fire and ice that makes your blood boil and freeze all at once. The blast launches you back into Astarion hard enough to send you hurtling through the air, past Gale casting another spell.

Your body slams into the unforgiving coldness of the stone platform, causing a sharp intake of breath and a loud grunt of pain involuntarily slips past your lips. The force of the impact propels you into a chaotic, disorienting tumble, your cheek scraping the rough texture of the floor as you skid to a halt.

Despite the pain on your face, you dug deep and pushed on your arms, your body trembling slightly as you managed to roll onto your back. Vision hazy and unfocused. What in the sweet hells kind of magic was that?

Where's...?

Straining your eyes, you see Gale rushing toward you before ominous black chains materialized from the floor and curled around his arms and legs, forcefully dragging him to his knees. Instinctively reaching for the wizard but your thoughts and concerns quickly shift elsewhere at the sound of your name. Tilting your head backwards, your heart almost settles at the sight of your pale elf scrambling to his feet toward you, "Astarion!" you call back, mustering your strength again in an attempt to get back on your feet.

And as quickly as you felt some sense of relief at the sight of him, your heart sinks violently at the tendril, the whip of dark magic that coils tightly around his body and flings him backward, away from you. With his rogueish reflexes, he quickly gathers his feet under him and lunges for his attacker. Fiercely, you struggle to your knees, desperate to help him.

The Ascendant effortlessly extends his arm, gathering at his legs, "even vermin must kneel before a god," he sneers, snapping his arm back to his side, sending a grunting, growling Astarion down with it, knees slamming to the ground. A fury to his stride "you were always worthless, sniveling..." raising his boot and pressing it harshly onto your vampire's shoulder, "groveling." Pushing him harshly down onto his hands.

Lightning flies from behind you, a quick glance reveals Gale had managed to get the spell off, and the Ascendant winces at the unexpected attack, stumbling off of Astarion. Who doesn't waste the opportunity and tackles his full weight into him. It doesn't do more than throw the Ascendant somewhat off balance as the two wrestle for the upper hand. "Bluster all you want, but I see what you really are! A lost, empty, miserable creature! Trying to fill a hole in your heart that all the power in the world will never sate!" Astarion snarls with his fangs on full display.

With a shove, the Ascendant puts distance between him and Astarion. His eyes glow red again and he grabs Astarion by the throat, lifting him into the air like a rag-doll. A familiar hand touches your shoulder and you're about to turn and thank Gale when the Ascendant's head snaps in your direction. The chains, which never fully released Gale, tighten around his arms and legs but begin to pull slowly in opposite directions. Then he opens his hand, his palm flat and level with the ground. Darkness swirling from the room and around his fingers like moths to a flame, and he steadily curls them back into his hand as it simmers a soft, red glow.

Blobs of shadow ooze from the floor and take the shape of monsters, soldiers, ghouls... One dozen, then two. Far more than you know your friends and you can fend off on your own. "Wait!" You shout before you can fully think of why you're doing so, rising to your feet at last, despite the way your legs ache and demand you don't.

Eerily, it all comes to a stop. All of it. And though the Ascendant pauses a long while, even he flings Astarion carelessly behind him before he slowly turns to you. "Apologies, my treasure... I got carried away." He says calmly, watching you cautiously circle around him.

You hesitantly look around the room. From Cazador's body, to Halsin's mangled and brutalized and the six spawn still muzzled with dark magic... "why are you doing all this?" is all you can ask in a barely audible whisper.

"You." He answers, so simple yet with such reverence. "For you, for us, I have dominated this city, compelled it to kneel before you, reduced it to little more than your personal footstool for your amusement." His eyes were distant with fond memories, and evidently clueless to the horror in your eyes. "I made you my queen, and I sat you beside me on a throne befitting of one, one that embodied your grace and beauty." You watched his eyes gaze upward, still deep in his recollections.

"The sight of you seated beside me never failed to make my heart swell with pride and fill me with contentment, like a melody playing in my soul." The words tumbling out, as if he'd been holding them in for centuries, bringing a hand to rest flat against the chest of his armor, over his heart.

"Hundreds of servants who kissed the ground you blessed with your every step as you tread the halls of our palace... and still, you rejected me." The Ascendant growls, taking a step toward you that has you quickly reeling backward, away from him. "After everything I taught you, all the delights of obedience, slow as you were to learn them... Countless nights spent coaxing your body to submission to me with nothing but pleasure. And you. Still—"

"No wonder I fucking killed myself." You spat, cutting him off before he could make you vomit... gods, how your stomach churned... "By the hells," you muttered, a look of disgust on your face. "What made you think I'd ever want that? The Astarion I know, my Astarion, would never... He knows me. Sees me." Gesturing behind you, and on cue, you felt his hand brush yours. "Did you?" The words sounding like a soft plea on behalf of your Other Self. A life, by what he described, you loathed.

The Ascendant regards you, his face impassive and impossible to read and all you could hope - pray for, was that your words were getting through. Even if he may not be your Astarion, it still pained you to see him like this. Amazed you he didn't look any different in the physical sense...

But then you watched his piercing scarlet eyes swirl back, full of malice, the twisted obsession of a love now corrupted, a chilling fury smoldering in his gaze as it consumed you. Commanding.

He grinned as your limbs once again went rigid. "Yes. I do." Casually raising his hand, this time you can only helplessly watch as another burst of foul magic slams into Astarion behind you, "now be a good girl, stop struggling and come to me."

In an instant, you berated yourself for your own stupidity to fall for this again, as your body stiffly, though slowly, moved forward. Behind you, chaos erupted as the creatures summoned by the Ascendant swarmed upon your friends. To your relief, you hear them fighting, possibly even holding them off, but that just meant you were on your own against... this.

Straining with all your will, you tore your gaze away from his eyes and fixated on the center of his chest. Though it had no effect on the command already imposed on your unwilling body, it felt less forceful. You grimaced, wriggling your fingers as you fought to regain any semblance of control from him. You never told Astarion you love him, you have to tell him, and you need to beat this if you ever want to...

With a fierce growl, your arms at last heed your demands, allowing you to swiftly reach for the dagger holstered at your side. However, you misjudged the distance between you two and realize too late you're within his grasp, and he quickly seizes your wrists, forcefully pulling you towards him. "Gods, I've missed you, my love..." The Ascendant's warm breath caressed your ear, his grip strong and possessive. Tight and suffocating.

Warm... He's...

With precision, he extends his hand towards your face, gently leading it to meet his own. The moment your lips touch, a searing heat spreads through your body, intensified by the graze of his fangs against your lip. As if anticipating your resistance, his other hand swiftly clasps the back of your head, holding you in place. Preventing any thought you may have had about breaking away before he's done.

It freezes you at first. The similarity, yet stark difference, of his lips hits you like a sudden gust of wind. It's a complete contrast to the cold you've grown accustomed to and sincerely enjoy from your Astarion.

How similar, but utterly different, his lips are. They radiate warmth, as do his hands and breath. It's a complete contrast to the cold you've grown accustomed to and sincerely enjoy from your Astarion. The smell of the Ascendant, rosemary and bergamot, differs from yours, though, with his comes a tinge of a frosty winter evening. Against every sense in your mind, screaming at you to stop him, fight this, your heart races with a sickening blend of fear and want.

Still, you fought, barely resisting the intense urge to kiss him back. This wasn't your Astarion. Yours was... calling out to you, and you could barely hear him. Could barely hear anything other than the Ascendants' breaths and mouth moving on yours, as if tempting you to sync with the kiss before he silently gives up and barely separates from you. "Come with me, my dark consort." He practically purrs, his lips brushing yours. "Faerûn waits eagerly for the return of its queen..."

The realization dawns on you, and your gut clenches in anticipation of what is about to unfold. You make one final, desperate attempt to wrench yourself free. Sights and sounds beyond the Ascendant return to you. Prying your arms free, you push against his chest.

Gods above, you don't want to live the nightmare he just described for yourself.

He sighs at your struggling and tsk's, "it seems I truly will have to teach you, and your body, all over again... And here I was hoping I could have the chain removed from the bottom of your throne..." murmuring softly, words dripping with disappointment, like the steady fall of rain.

Did your other self have a spare scroll handy...?

You writhe in his arms, twisting away in your attempt to untangle yourself from his grasp and slip down to the floor, knowing that attacking him with your hands will be useless and unable to grab your dagger in this position. You focus all your energy on trying to escape.

Across the floor, your eyes meet Astarion's. Your Astarion. Fighting viciously through wave after wave of monsters, unable to make any ground toward you. A shared desperation in your eyes, even as a sinister red glow slowly surrounds you. You never told him... you need to tell him...

Damn this. Damn him. "I love you, Astarion." You choke back the sob threatening to spill out, praying to whatever god is listening that he at least hears you say it.

For better or worse, his eyes gloss, "I'll find you, my love, I swear..."

Red swirls blind you.

And you're gone.

‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐

The moment you disappear, so does the small horde of creatures. Astarion shakily crosses the floor until he reaches the spot where they stood. Where He took you.

He collapses.

And he screams.

Screams until his throat is raw. Screams ugly, heart wrenching sobs that stung the ears like knives, with the power to move even the most callous heart with pity.

Today was supposed to be the start of his new life. One he dreamed of for two centuries, that he would share with you. Cazador lay dead beside him, so it was still possible, but what use was this freedom when he felt emptier than he's ever felt in his entire existence, living and undead? While within reach, it offered no solace. He would be alone. Again.

Astarion swore he would find you, but how would he? Would he have to ascend? Seize that power and ascend as well? Could Shadowheart bring back Cazador, just to use and spend him, so that Astarion could save you?

The way he... the Ascendant looked at you... It was vile. Utterly devoted to you, yet possessed by obsession. A gnarled, grotesque, and barely recognizable idea of his own love for you. The things he would do to force you to... love him. While wearing his face.

The terror that if he ascended here and now, that he could become that bastard...

Not even the tadpole, the Absolute mattered to him anymore. Not when he faced life without you, the only person to see him, to love him... For him.

He truly meant it. Not everyone had a heart like you. No one was like you. He would never find another love like what he feels for you.

Why didn't he just kiss you this morning when he had the chance...?

An odd, dense mist formed in front of him, and Astarion reluctantly watched it. Hells, the last thing he needs is... whatever this is.

"This simply cannot be permitted." Said a soft-spoken voice as an elven woman emerged from within. Her eyes scanning over the scene. She wore a light grey robe and a symbol around her neck shaped like a golden, dawning sun with five half crescents like spokes of a wheel. Her hair was long and bright, eyes a pale blue.

She knelt in front of Astarion, her fingers brushing what he is only now seeing. Dark, simmering runes that form a circle around where He stood, where He took you. "Are you keen to uphold your promise?" She asked without looking up at him.

Astarion blinked, but he refused to hesitate. "If you have a way to help me save her, talk quickly." He replies impatiently.

The woman slowly rose to her feet and Astarion, though his knees trembled slightly, rose to join her. "Save may be too strong a word. Her suffering is inevitable now, and it will be plentiful in supply." A small frown flickered across her features. If she noticed the anguish that those words caused him, she paid no mind. "But we may yet return her here, where she belongs. Where she's needed." She says calmly. "But it cannot be so without you."

"What part of 'talk quickly' do you not understand? Are they not words you comprehend? Tell me what you need and I'll do it."

"Patience, little vampling." The woman soothes, unperturbed by his temper. "This timeline must sleep before her disappearance can affect it. In turn, your parasite will sleep, just as hers has already." She explains patiently, as another figure, a small Elven man with a journal and quill in hand, emerges from the mist and joins her side. He kneels down and begins studying the runes, drawing them on the parchment. "It will not be simple or easy. The Ascendants' power has risen to heights we haven't seen in other timelines. But he cannot continue his rise unchallenged." She continues with a small shake of her head.

Astarion moved to take a step toward her, only for the man to catch his foot gently, holding it back from covering one of the runes. "Tell me what you need from me, and I will give it." He says back firmly, a growl edging his tone.

The woman nodded. "Come with me. We have much to discuss." She gestures slowly with one hand behind her, toward the mist.

He's about to start toward it with little hesitation, before he stops and looks back. Karlach kneeling beside Halsin's mangled remains, Wyll's hand on her shoulder. Gale and Lae'zel were on either side of Shadowheart, who was nursing her broken hands.

She gives a nod, committed to this just as much as he was. "Get her back. And thrash the bastard for me." The cleric encourages with a weary but determined smile.

With a nod and a silent promise, he turns back to the woman and now the man, their presence looming at the edge of the mist, and he strides resolutely forward to enter it alongside them.

"I love you, Astarion." His heart shattering all over again remembering the tremble in your voice.

Astarion swore he would find you.

And this time he would say it back.

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

A/N: Sorry, I just didn't have the heart to end it on a note of "oh no Spawn Astarion is just fucked now I guess".

This had been an idea on and off, but was inspired to go for it when I saw it prompted during my regular tumblr scroll. I have written, and rewritten and written it again, over and over, and this is the culmination of endless suffering. So... Thanks for reading this far! Hope you liked it!

EDIT: this is intended as a one-shot. There is no planned continuation. The ending is written to provide an alternate, a sense of hope, if you, the reader is unhappy with the "bad end". You can decide for yourself if Astarion is successful at finding you, if he survives a second confrontation, the consequences of it all, etc.

Of course, I have plenty of ideas for how I'd continue it but I have no serious interest to at the moment. I might write it privately for myself if I do, but it depends how much people care about this.

[fanficriter]

How the BNHA Boys would React to you Coming Out as Bisexual

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of homophobia and bullies, mentions of *whispers* “sex…”

Characters - Bakugou Katsuki, Izuku Midoriya, Shoto Todoroki, Eijirou Kirishima, Denki Kaminari

Every character in bnha is bi in my little brain :3

Gender Neutral Reader

Bakugou Katsuki

- Let’s be honest, he already knew 💀

- “I know idiot, it’s pretty fucking obvious, but… thanks for tellin me anyway…”

- He doesn’t feel the need to ‘show his support’

- Not that he doesn’t support you, but he just, doesn’t care????

- Like yes go kiss boys and go kiss girls he genuinely could not give a fuck

- Kiss him too while your at it

- He will go to a pride parade with you if you really wanted him too

- If anyone were to bully you, or make some rude remarks about your sexuality, he would be at your side in a matter of seconds

- Explodes them

- “Tch, those idiots are losers… why do they care so much? Fuckin extras….”

Izuki Midoriya

- “Oh wow that’s amazing!! Thank you so much for telling me!”

- Gives you the biggest hug

- Extremely supportive

- Will make you a bisexual cake for pride month

- Will also buy you pride balloons

- Also fully believes that as a straight person, (he is NOT straight) he has to give you money everyday during pride month

Shoto Todoroki

- “I’m sorry”

- Thought you were upset about it

- You had to explain to him you weren’t upset about it

- “Oh, well, thank you for trusting me. Congratulations.”

- Never really mentions it to you

- If someone’s making fun of you for it, he will just pull you out of the situation, make sure you’re okay, then go back to the person and… reform them??

- No one knows how he does it, but every homophobe he’s met has walked away with a gay flag in hand, and a new perspective on life

- “How did you do that…?”

- “Do what?”

- He’ll wish you a happy pride month always

Ejirou Kirishima

- Asks you a bunch of questions

- “Good for you dude! …So like, what gender is better at sex?”

- “EJIROU WHAT?”

- Overall he’s really supportive

- “S-Slay? I think…”

- He’s trying his best please be patient

- If you get bullied for it, he’s an AMAZING shoulder to cry on

- “Shhh… It’s okay, let it all out…”

Denki Kaminari

- “Oh my gawd yas queen slay!!!”

- You cringed

- “No but seriously, thanks for tellin me! I’m glad you found yourself!”

- Also asks a lot of questions

- He’s supportive as fuck!!!

- He’s literally that one video

- “Happy gay month bc you know you gay n stuff”

- “Be who you are~ for your priiiidddeeee~~~~”

- Forgets what sexuality you are at least twice a month

- “Wait… what letter are you again?”

- If someone’s bullying you, he’ll come over and zap them!

- Will hold house parties for pride month

[mejcinta]

They cut Criston's hair like Jaime and are going to put him on a horse in raging battle. What else did Jaime Lannister do other than get an ugly haircut and lead battles? Sleep with his queen. Oh my gawd.

[mandydontknow]

Elsa Loves Titanic

Elsa loves to watch Titanic. It combines three of her favorite things: a beautiful woman with deep desires, nautical horror, and the cold!

So she shows it to her best friend who also loves these things, Jack Frost.

They watch the whole movie and Jack is on the edge of his seat. Although, he wishes there was a bit more whimsy and a bit less —sorrow and morbidity. Elsa tried to tell him the whimsy was in Rose’s hopeless romance and promises. He was not convinced. It wasn’t until the very end that it clicked as to why Elsa showed him the movie —or at least thought she did.

“Elsa! This movie is about me!” Jack exclaimed.

“What?!” Elsa is confused.

“This movie is about me. And my sister! She’s Rose —well minus the whole romantic, sexual desire thing. People always take creative liberties. It’s like how people always insist to make movie adaptations with catwoman instead of Robin…”

“Jack what are you on about?” Elsa is literally dumbstruck, but Jack is on a roll.

“Jack Dawson. His name is Jack and he falls into the water, freezing to death while holding the hand of the person who most admired him. That’s me! They stole my origin story Elsa!”

“Okay? And they stole my origin story from the snow queen. Nobody is special anymore. Trust me, I know. They tried to sue us.“ Elsa is unamused with Jack’s realization and continues playing the movie. But Jack stops her.

“I refuse to accept that Elsa. I am the original! Why did they name him Jack then if I wasn’t inspiring, hmm?” Jack contests.

“Because there was a Jack from the Titanic?”

“Ugghhhh.” Jack gives up. “Fine.”

“Y’know, before you went on this rant I was just going to point at the screen in a goofy voice and say…”

And they say in unison:

“Oh my gawd that’s so you/me-coded”

They laugh, cry, and smile as they finish the movie.

[hazbinsponsoredbyvee]

(Might be sleep deprivation, but did I send this message before or not? Idk I don't think I did)

So this is for Vox, Lucifer, Charlie, and Alastor, if you can clue us on anything that might lead to finding out who is the person who owns your soul, that would be great.

Alright, I have thought about it for a while, and I think I finally figured out who owns Alastor soul: Lilith.

Now, what do we know about Alastor? We know Alastor died in between the 1930s. He was Creole, his mother was black and father was white, and given the time, I think we can all figure out that his father was either absent or abusive, but from what Alastor said until now, I think he was absent.

Anyways, after he died, we get told by Mimzi that he starts to grow in power quicker than anybody else, taking over overlords after overlords. And there is absolutely no way Alastor just landed in hell and got granted powers right away. No. I think he either made the deal very soon after he died or even before he died.

Now, why Lilith?

There is an apparent pattern I see between Lilith and Alastor. Lilith fell from heaven with Lucifer, and then she suddenly gained powers and rose Hell to its feet. Sound familiar? Yeah, cause that's basically what Alastor also did. Arrived, rose with mysterious power, and took over a lot of overlords.

I think Lilith also made a soul binding deal cause we know she is a human, and she couldn't gain powers just because wow, she arrived in hell, now she's really powerful! No, she made a deal. And who do I think has to gain from this? Roo. Now, we don't know a lot about Roo, but she was there even before Luci and Lilith fell. Lucifer just set her free. And I think Roo gains more power and more growth with every sinner who joins her down to hell. Maybe Lilith heard a voice who promised to make her powerful, but in return, she gives her her soul and all that, making Roo more powerful.

Also, Alastor said his chain is purple. Idk about y'all, but I don't know anyone else purple and important aside from Lilith. I don't see any purple overlords, and I doubt it would be a random sinner because the person who made the deal with Alastor was powerful. Powerful enough to give him his powers. Someone like the queen of hell because Luci doesn't really care about politics and shit, and Charlie is too pure and cute to do anything that involves owning souls.

I mean, have you seen that every time Alastor walks by, the eyes in the cracks of the walls that are literally everywhere follow him? And when he made the deal with Charlie, he specifically covered an eye up so they couldn't see what he is doing. (I think I have a Pic of it). From who would he be hiding if not from Lilith, Charlie's mom? I think Lilith knows Alastor can worm his way out of this deal by making the right deal with Charlie.

Plus, we see at the finale when he gets his ass handed by Adam that he nearly dies. And he has a breakdown because oh my gawd, he almost died, holy fuck. The thought of dying immediately leads to him talking about his soul and "the constraints of his deal." Now, my question is, why did he immediately think of his deal when he thought about dying? And if I'm right, and his deal is the one who gave him his powers, how is he, fucking Alastor, the guy who would rather die in a fire than lose power, so desperate to get out of his deal, knowing that he loses his powers? Clearly, there's something more here.

I know you all probably do care about him a lot (Lucifer cares about Vox being happy, and Vox is happy with Alastor, so he gotta at least care like 10% too)

Oh, and the fact that he put Lilith at the bottom of his list with no explanation. Like, even at Roo, where he didn't know who it was or Val, whom he hates, he said a few words, but at Lilith? Seems to me like he can't say anything.

—Bird anon

"You need to stop talking about Roo. Lilith would not have made a deal with her. She wouldn't. Lilith isn't a Sinner - not in the traditional sense - her power was hers, I'm certain of that much. And yes, she did gain in power by collecting souls, but that doesn't mean... It doesn't have to be a Sinner that owns Alastor's soul. It could be an Ars Goetia, one of the other Sins - though I find that unlikely - or even a fucking angel. But we do know from answers he's been able to give Vox that his owner is not pleasant. And despite everything, Lilith cares about Sinners. She would treat her souls better than that."

"Luci... did you read that last paragraph?"

"... Oh... We're leaving Charlie out of this. She doesn't even know that someone owns Alastor's soul, and if it's her mother.... Best she doesn't know until we get more information. Alastor! Tell me how you met Lilith."

"When have I ever claimed to have met her?"

"Uh-huh. And how did you meet Mammon?"

"I haven't."

"So, you have met Lilith. Otherwise, you wouldn't dodge the question."

"Maybe I just like keeping you in suspense!"

"Or maybe she's who owns your soul."

"Now, you know I can't confirm or deny that."

"You don't have to. We know."

[fanaticsnail]

Mihawk kissing Governess' hand and her allowing herself a slip in her exterior armour to kiss his cheek and his reaction, oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

"Reaching upwards, you placed your left hand on Mihawk’s cheek and shepherded him into yourself, placing your lips gently against his left cheek as you cradled him against your palm. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth and froze his shoulders in place." <- tattooing this passage on my brain, thanks

I'm sorry but this whole passage had me giggling and flinging myself about in bed as I read it like a school girl, and it is so funny to me that they did All That in front of an audience of not only four powerful men but also a soiree of guests. It's like when you see regency era period pieces of a couple breathing heavily with barely contained lust after one dance bc they're Repressed Virgins, and remembering that there is a whole ballroom of other people there.

"He doesn't love you." <- NO! BAD! (spritz with water). My immediate thoughts is Sapsorrow or some other force is interfering.

"“I just thought I saw-...” Perona began, cocking her head sharply to the side and holding firm her gaze, “Something watching.”" <- screaming and wildly swinging a baseball bat. I'm so emotionally attached to these characters and invested in this story that I know that there's no way it ends on so soon all happy so there's got to still be conflict before the wedding in order for a resolution and I'm excited but at the same time I Refuse.

“The symbolism behind it is you, yourself, are the sun. The gold is what encases you beneath it," <- well goddamnit snail that is poetry.

The description of Beckman and Governess' relationship!!!! I love them so much!!! "He treated you with the utmost respect and found himself hanging onto your every command as a loyal knight taking instructions from his queen. From then on, you were the friend he confided in and trusted to handle the troop easily when ushering you throughout the seas on the red-force. Of all aboard, you trusted Beckman the most to treat you well." AAAAAAAAAA

“It won’t be enough. It will never be enough.” BACK! BACK I SAY

“You watched as he began to scramble, at first attempting to askew the floral arrangement behind his back from view before holding it at heart-level.

“Lost-Lady,” his voice called to you, disguising what you thought to be a small stumble in his footing as he began to clamber towards you from his prior position gardening. His boots met with the sludge, sliding the earth from beneath his footstep and successfully dropping him down to his knees. You sucked your lips into your mouth, witnessing a man full of dignity and grace be brought down to his knees while cradling flowers against his chest." Oh my gawd. She's literally making him fumble over himself. Just the thought of such a serious figure doing all this to strip himself of his dignity just for his beloveds comfort so that she might have a confidant in a new place where she is alone and so that he might be able to partake in her unadulterated company, and the idea that he loses all his composure around her and fumbles, is so sweet. The way you write it manages to work with his personality and not feel out of character, and it's so romantic I Love it.

"I am uninjured, my darling," MY DARLING??? What happened to keeping up the facade, Governess?

"“I believe the world of your abilities, sir. Now, allow me to aid in your rise to your feet once more,” you smiled down at him, his eyes meeting your own with an almost overwhelming amount of adoration. You hoisted him up to his feet, uncaring at the passing of grime onto your clothes from his." Governess stand up, get off your knees, put away the ring, you're already engaged to him!! My girl is swooning

I do love how the Governess recognized the voice as being external and even noticed it having a physical presence, and not letting it overtake her by assessing her thoughts rationally. It shows her strength and smarts in being beyond just a Damsel In Distress but still believably in distress if that makes sense? It kind of makes me excited that now that she actually knows she wants the marriage and future with Mihawk I feel like she'll be beyond angry when she finds out something/someone has been trying to take it from her, and I really can't wait.

"He yearned for this deceit to flee from his form. No longer desiring to adorn this shield and to be the man beneath this amassment of muck for you; he wanted so desperately to cast aside titles and just truly be yours." A man that loves his wife! What a lovely gift for me! Chewing on him as we speak <3

"“Step away from my governess, Hag!” Her voice held several tones within the single vocal strand, the air sucked from its delight of the morning rays." I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

"Zoro immediately was drawn to his feet, unsheathing his sword from beside him and brandishing it with flourish. Mihawk also rose to his feet, nodding to Zoro briefly, before he closed and reopened his amber eyes; now a ruby iris surrounding its glow. Zoro did the same, his iris crackling under the new color within his orbs." Get her! Go boys! Sick 'em!

Fr loving the protectiveness of the Governess' new family

"“How long has she been here, Mihawk?” Perona asked at your other side, her eyes fixed on a pinned point in the roof and remaining unblinking, “She seemed so sad.”" (visibly vibrating) I Am Being So Completely Normal About This Lore.

I love Perona so much, I (and the Governess) am so proud of her, she was brave, and kind and observant enough to notice when things were going wrong with someone she cared about, and she stood up for her friend, she's obviously always been an awesome person but I feel like her time with the Governess has allowed her to direct herself more and therefore do more and it's really cool to see the good influence on her daughter ward.

“What was it you told the clown? We are more than the titles that make us?” hhhhhhhh he values her thoughts so much he memories all her words and conversations even those that don't involve him

“I had always thought of you as a woman who commanded every space she found herself within. Even as a man far more advanced in his years,” he continued, reopening his eyes to look lovingly into your face, “I had always seen you as a woman who could have the mighty fall to their knees- much as you had me do this morning.” <- if anyone needs me I'll be drowning in a river

Forehead touches forehead touches foreheadtouchesforeheadtouches

“If you so desire for your Farm-Hand to bring his Lost-Lady your daily gift of flowers, I will gladly become him once more for you. However,” Mihawk drew his eyes back to yours, an almost playfulness dancing behind his honeyed gaze, “I expect my Lost-Lady to be in naught but her nightdress in return.” AAAAAAAAAAA (pt. II)

The EPILOGUE!!!! the teaser/reference for Shanks' Sapsorrow ring, the hinting to the law!!! You truly know how to feed us

“That’s what you want, isn’t it? To see others have what was taken from you? To see them happy and thriving with each other?” AAAAAAAAA (pt. III)

SNAIL!! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE CHAPTER 6 REVIEW!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I'm so glad you freak out about this story as much as I do. Makes it feel more alive to know how it moves you. Thank you for taking the time to go through it bit by bit to notice the little bits I add for Mihawk's humanity and adoration for him and his governess.

Openly flirting with his bride in front of Perona and Zoro, without them saying anything about it, was one of my favourite parts. He loves her so much, finally admitting it both to himself and to her without saying the three little words we want him so desperately to say.

I have drafted their vows and began working on chapter 7 to be out soon!

"If anyone needs me I'll be drowning in a river" <- I would not say such things if I were you. Our little ghost has some fight yet remaining.

[chromatic-lamina]

true history: true mystery, chapter 1085 spoilers

OH MY GAWD,

What a chapter. And cos he's my boy, told you we didn't have to worry too much about one

Trafalgar

D.

Water Law!

I'm so excited (I feel like I should go out and order the whole set of steak knives).

Anyhoo! I remember when I enjoyed reading the scans on my Friday, and they now come out very early my Thursday morning (like, super early. It's just shy of 3am). BUT this was a treat. And the reason I mostly read them is to prevent being spoiled, but also because they include really interesting translator's notes, etc. such as the ones below about Imu:

Which is difficult to see, but basically it says that Imu refers to themself as Mu and then says that Mu can refer to the void century but also to dreams. Super interesting. And so, Lili was not, unfortunately Imu (but that's okay, cos' I love this story line too), BUT she was a...

D!!!

As shown above, where King Cobra realises...

...that he won't survive his encounter with Imu (who was apparently one of the original 20), and Cobra reveals that Lili was Queen Nefertari D. Lili. GOOD STUFF. Sabo overhears. Imu has some problems with this, because, as stated by Cora

and reiterated by (without knowledge to the best of our understanding) Imu

the "D" is the moniker of the Celestials ancient enemy.

And, although sketchy, look at the perspective from that panel above! Imu is miles above them all. Another aside, while looking up Cora and Doflamingo stuff, there's also the 'heavenly' perspective on this frame with Cora and Law, but I also know Oda is fond of this type of editing/story telling:

Back to 1085: Cobra's recollection that Imu was the name of one of the original 20 does tie into the probable theory that Imu had the eternal youth operation centuries prior.

Anyhoo, this is well out of order (my posting of frames) as always! Sorry. It's not only the D's that Imu and their clan need to be scared of, but also

the scholars. Be still my LawBin shipping (platonic or romantic) heart! But, I digress. So Lili is the one responsible for the preservation and also dispersal of

the poneglyphs. Whole page there. So much information! Cobra has not revealed that Lili was a "D" at this point, or that he himself is, so he was playing with fire coming in to see the Elders, but I guess the whole lineage had known about that for a long time then (that they had the initial for some reason) and had survived. It also seems that maybe King Cobra did know more about the poneglyph in Alabasta than previously assumed. Perhaps?

Anyway, Imu above says that Lili's dispersal of the poneglyphs around the world was perhaps a deliberate action (apparently it had been passed off as a mistake, a blunder) as part of a larger plan. And with the reveal of her being a possessor of the Will of D. it seems it probably was, even if she was a catalyst, as so many D's seem to be, without having full awareness or knowledge of what ultimate role they're playing.

Full page again, cos it's so good. So Imu questions Cobra as to why they never divulged Lili's full name, only referring to her by her royal title, which is actually pretty standard practice. BUT, Imu obviously has very strong convictions that Lili is one of those rabble rousers who get this his entity-self really hot under the collar too!

And the Gorosei basically saying: You can't expose that we're some kind of oligarchy/dictatorship/absolute malignant monarchy when it's supposed to be some kind form of supposed League of Nations acting for all countries and supposed world peace. Interesting mix of Imperialism and colonialism these guys have going on. Anyway! The revery is still going on, and is now absolutely proven to be a farce:

Although King Neptune, and who's the other dude? Can't remember. Not Dalton, is it? (please let me know) King Riku Doldo are looking very skeptical at the Uncle Sam dude. (Thank you @robinchan-hananomi !)

Walpol becomes relevant in a way that it seems that Caribou will be too, and Vivi has been kidnapped by the CIA CP0 (or are they CP9)?

Walpol overhears and sees not only Imu's decimation of Cobra with figures that look a lot like Kanjurou's Kazenbo flame spirit from Wano (did the Gorosei shape-shift too, or was it all Imu sending out some kind of malevolent spirit?), but I think he also overhears Cobra's revelation to Sabo that has a nice SFX bubble over it to just tease we readers enough with hints of information about how the Poneglyphs must be protected, and will seemingly will help usher in the dawn! Ooh, so excited.

BTW. What or who is the figure behind Cobra in the bottom right panel? Sabo?

Walpol outs himself as having seen everything, so shocking is it to him:

and so the spectres are on his tail (and I think it's quite funny that first Imu doesn't know or sense Sabo, and other defenses are breached by Walpol, of all people!). SO, he's one of my least favourite villains, along with Caribou and Spandam, but I'm guessing there's something with their devil fruits that make them crucial to the plot, as well as being kind of incidental characters witnessing key points of One Piece lore.

I doubt he has any great love for Vivi, but he also probably knows where his best chance for survival lies, so, it seems he's been creeping around the castle and I'm going to align CPO with Get Smart now, cos they've got that kinda vibe. Not goofy enough to be Scooby Doo (although Jabra does a good job), but still funny and sexy enough to be the characters of Get Smart who weren't Max. (look it up if you don't know).

Anyhoo! Vivi got kidnapped, and I'm guessing it was at the urging of the gorosei who did it at the urging of Imu, or maybe if Cobra didn't spill the beans, they would've used her as a bargaining chip. Anyway, Kalifa here:

stating that Vivi will end up being a pet (?!?). Did Charloss want her? And I'm wondering if Jabra's wording is a mistranslation, although maybe not. As far as I'm aware, the expression is "play your cards closer to your chest", but maybe it's changed over time. Or there's a pun I'm not getting.

Vivi's reaction in the following frame is awesome (gonna put the whole page in again, cos it's got so much info):

First, awesome that Shirahoshi got away, and we saw that way back when with Garp accompanying the family back to Fishmen Island. Cool info dump from Jabra above. (Very chatty secret agents. Maybe that's why they don't get to wear masks). But I especially like Vivi's incredulity at Kalifa's comment, and her commitment to doing something about it. She's got a devil fruit, doesn't she? Yes! BUT

Trashing young prince to the rescue! (okay, he's a king, once disposed, newly reinstated somewhere) (but he is young. This guy's in his 20s, I think). Vivi hitches a ride with the dumpster on wheels. And from there, Big News Morgans picks them up! (not yet witnessed). Here from chapter 1074:

She's really gone up in my estimation. I never noticed how much she speaks her mind and sticks up for others before (I'm slow, don't worry). And it's not just cos she's a D. Haha. That's not an automatic "like" card, but I might be a little predisposed.

Speaking of which, this part with the ASL brothers was hilarious:

"Do want a "D" in your name, Sabo?"

"You can be Sad. Bo!"

"Why'd you put it there!?!"

Ah, lol, bless.

Also, Imu has the same kind of imperiousness as Doflamingo. Doflamingo's rougher in speech, and I'm guessing with the "thou" and so on shown in the scanlation on the first page that Imu is formal, but as entitled and condescending as fuck, just like our pink feathered friend.

One thing (or many) so interesting about Doffy, though, is:

from chapter 727, is that he's a man very sore about losing his Celestial dragon status, who wants to destroy them and the world government, and who is not afraid of the CD's. Also, it seems that he's well aware of Imu (Mary Geoise's greatest treasure?). I wonder how he was going to challenge Imu if Law had granted him eternal life. If that was his aim. So, a digression, but I think our pink bird will again be relevant soon! Fingers crossed, and I really don't want them to redeem him. Please.

Lastly, the cover was very cute:

Franky directing newly hatched turtles to the ocean, and it's true, so many head in the wrong direction, and such a small proportion actually survive, so he's a hero. Is he sitting on a turtle-hatchling eating crab?

Dunno if any of this was coherent, and I'm sure I missed a bunch, but over and out for now (ah, back to bed!).