#OC: Crimsen

[bleuhisteria]

You know, sometimes I wonder if I really drew something, like this like whattt????

My OCs Seldom is the one unfinished and the one with color is Crimsen.

[exclusivenyc]

would cillian murphy be wanted for any connections?

Hello there, anon! Yes, our members would like to see Cillian as:

Current Client to Hayley Crimsen ( @hayleycrimsen )

Ex to Hayley Crimsen

Book Illustrator to Grayson Stone ( @grayson-stone )

Industry Rival to Lukas "Lucifer" Vale ( @vale-x )

Spy Contact to Severin Konare ( @sxperspy )

If none of those interest you, we are currently accepting OCs so you can feel free to apply for Cillian without filling a connection. Hope that helps!

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 18- Companion Times

Day 18: Companions

Who is their first friend among their companions? Who ends up being their best friend? Who do they hate the most (or like the least)? Is there anyone they wouldn’t have recruited by the game gives you? Bonus: Rate your class’s five ‘original’ companions from least favorite to most favorite. Explain why

My first friend was Vectory Hyllus. No, not because he’s the ‘bug boy’. It was because he and I have a bit in common. He appreciates culture, and is different from others. Yes, it’s because of the killiks, and not because that’s how he was born, but at the same time it is still a difference that he sees more advantages than disadvantages.

And still, people tried to change him. Many have tried to change me. In Vector I found an example of doing what’s best for you despite what others think. It’s quite an inspiring person to be friend, and I do hope we find him soon.

Now Bonus time!

5. Kaliyo Djannis- How many secrets does she have to sell to the Empire before I can toss her out the airlock? 

4. Doctor Lokin- Sorry, I can only handle 1/2 human, 1/2 rakghoul before I wonder when the 1/2 rakghoul part will take over and kill me.

3. Ensign Temple- She knows her shit, and she’s a force sensitive who’s resisting the call of Korriban. Not an easy feat.

2. Scropio- Can’t help it, I like her bad attitude. And she makes me wonder if it’s possible to make masculine-looking droid for my own personal pleasure.

1. Vector- Because he’s hot, he’s different in ways that make people want to change him, I love his attention to culture, and his ambitions for an Alliance between the Empire and Kiliks is admirable. And he succeeded!

[cultbred]

&

send ‘&’ for 3 blogs i recommend 

accepting.

@covrtney​

courtney crimsen is one of those characters that’s just easy to hate. it’s hard to write a character like that, to understand their motives even while reprehensible and to make them endearing is hard as hell and she does this effortlessly. she’s still just as self serving as she is in the show, but she’s also trying her best, even if it’s hard to watch. she doesn’t stifle her muse, and she portrays her in a way that’s not only true to the show, but true to human nature. it’s really interesting to watch her threads, tbqh.

@idoless​.

i fucking love alex. she’s such a well written character, and i really dig her and faith’s back and forth. a joy on the dash tbqh.

@mustscream

ROBIN IS SUCH A WELL WRITTEN HORROR MUSE HOLY SHIT. it’s a trope spun on it’s head and it’s so well done. it’s such a fucking cool concept. such a rad muse. always stoked to see this oc on my dash tbqh. robin’s got a load of problems, and some of them are weird but she’s also incredibly relatable.

[youthtroubled]

life  doesn’t  start  out  well  for  her      -      not  that  she  would  remember.     her  dads  liked  to  call  her  a  miracle  baby     ;    a  tribute  to  the  fact  she  was  found  abandoned  in  some  cardboard  box  by  a  dumpster.        the  elderly  woman  that  found  her  said  she  was  drawn  to  the  place     -    only  to  see  the  quiet  child  inside.          they  don’t  know  how  long  she  had  been  there,        but  she  was  in  the  hospital  for  a  month  while  the  case  worker  tried  to  find  the  culprit  of  the  neglectful  abandonment.        they  never  did.          instead,     she  was  sent  to  a  group  home  for  young  kids  where  the  man  in  charge  named  her  kylie      -     date  of  birth  march  16th   ;    the  day  her  luck  helped  her  be  found.

the  group  home  has  more  than  one  adult.        there’s  the  house  father,     gregory,       who  lost  his  only  child  years  before  he  decided  to  help  others,       and  there  was  yvonne,      gregory’s  third  wife  unable  to  have  children.         they  were  not  bad  people    ;   in  fact,      quite  trusted  with  social  workers.      it  was  clear  how  devoted  they  were  to  the  children  they  were  given  and  how  much  they  loved  them.        even  as  a  teenager,       kylie  retains  contact  with  the  first  couple  she  was  homed  to.

but  it  is  a  home  for  young  kids,        which  means  her  time  there  was  bound  to  be  limited.        after  11,       kids  were  sent  to  group  homes  for  teenagers      -     meaning  they  were  on  a  time  limit  and  the  clock  constantly  ticked  for  them.         kylie  is  there  until  three  months  after  her  4th  birthday     ;     after  two  nice  men  gave  her  a  pink  bowed  bear  for  a  present.         turns  out,         her  case  worker  had   been  friends  with  them  for  years  and  after  a  night  out,         told  them  about  her  newest     -    and  youngest    -    client.         three  days  later  and  the  meeting  was  scheduled.      charmed  by  the  dimpled  smile  kylie  gave  them  and  her  arms  around  their  leg  in  form  of  a  greeting  hug,       the  two  had  decided  they  were  adopting  a  second  daughter.

kylie  is  no  stranger  to  being  the  youngest.         the  closest  child  in  the  group  home  was  three  years  older  than  her       ;     so  being  introduced  to  her  new  sister  who  was  two  years  older  was  not  a  shock  to  the  girl.      if  anything,       kylie  was  constantly  hovering  around  her        -       asking  what  courtney  was  doing  and  if  she  could  help  her.            their  dads  thought  it  was  cute  how  the  two  seemed  to  get  along,       playing  nicely  and  sharing  their  toys  with  each  other.         the  impulsive  decision  to  adopt  another  child  seemed  like  it  wasn’t  going  to  end  badly.

in  a  way,            kylie  idolized  her  new  sister,           apparent  by  the  way  she  seemed  to  always  be  mimicking  courtney  in  some  way       -     from  eating  habits  to  the  way  she  organized  her  toys.        this  doesn’t  stop  even  into  teenage  years.             when  kylie entered  high  school  two  years  after  courtney,     she  gravitated  toward  the  same  extracurricular  activities.          many  people  knew  of  kylie  because  of  this.     with  her  tendency  to  flit  between  the  different  “cliques”  and  her  abundance  of  genuine  friendliness,     she  was  liked  by  many.         however,        the  beginning  of  her  sophomore  year,     kylie  began  to  drift  from  the  constant  activity  and  energetic  display  of  willingness  to  participate  in  the  planning  and  execution  of  many  events  around  the  school.         with  the  court  case  and  her  sister’s  involvement    -   and  secret    -    being  announced  to  the  entire  world,           kylie  was  more  distracted  than  she  would  like  to  have  been.     

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 17: Contrition

Day 17: Contrition

Is there any choice(s) they regret? What would they do differently, if they could.

First, Happy Theron Thursday!

That one is quite easy: There is 1 choice I deeply regret. It happened when I decided that I wasn't going to take being intelligence's slave anymore. I went about trying to undo the Castellan Mind Control, and kill the handlers who kept using me as a kriff boy. I was successful for the most part, but still sloppy given I was a young Cipher agent.

During that time I was on Coruscant, and met my second lover. Eventually we eloped. He was a Chiss, defector from the Empire, flamboyant, handsome, and I smile when I think of him. I shouldn't have married him, never mind let him capture my heart; a good agent would've turned him in. Instead, I kept him to myself. Eventually, Keeper found out. I was brought back to Dromund Kaas and they reprogrammed me.

When I came to in Keeper's office, my first husband was there. Keeper used my keyword and ordered me to execute him. Never forgiven myself for that. Never. I've come to terms with it, of course, and I've moved on from it into a happy marriage. Still, there is really no forgiving myself for my first love being killed by my hand because I was careless and reckless.

To this day I always whisper before bed, or in my mind, "I'm sorry, baby." Kardeva knows about this and he hears it. I can sense his emotions... He understands too well.

I love my current husband :).

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 5: Gender and Sexuality

I come home from my date to realize Caedusios has no idea what “brief” means. Thankfully, that’s the only criticism i have for his brief take over. And yes, my date was lovely. Thanks for asking.

Now it’s time for day 5:

Day 5: Sexuality & Gender

Describe how you think about your character’s sexuality and gender. How would they talk about their sexuality/sexual inclinations or lack thereof? What is their gender and why? Are they cis or nonbinary? If they are nonbinary, what is their designation and when did they realize it?

Small edit for next time: Transgender is the umbrella term for non-cisgender people, not non-binary.

Gender and sexuality are separate things, yet overlap for me so I will be brave, and start with the history, then the hardest one for me: 

 History

In my house gender and sexuality was so rigid, any hint of deviation was met with swift and harsh punishment. I remember striving to be the masculine, cisgender man who was 200% heterosexual. Yet I knew they knew… Rephrase I knew I was different enough that I wouldget electrocuted for saying one of my male peers was lovely or growing my hair long. Yet, they never told me what i was being punished for.

In my naive way of thinking, I assumed I didn’t say it like as Sith, or eventually i would find women as lovely, or even more so as men. When I was 15, I knew I was more “ wrong” than simply needing to grow up. Now, i don’t believe being gay is right or wrong; I think it just is but for a teenager who was e electrocuted for saying a boy was lovely… Well, if that’s all you know, that’s all you know. Fortunately for me, and unfortuantely for them, I didn’t grow out of the phase. It was who I am. It is what it is… I am gay, and that it isn’t going to change. 

Gender

As I said in the introduction, I identify as a non-binary man. This means I prefer he/him/his pronouns, but I don’t ascribe to everything that men are expected to do and to be. For example, I wear make up and I wear dresses. It’s taken me over 3.5 decades to admit this to myself, thought it was always there. I remember being 5 and lingering too long on the makeup section. I remember at age 13 thinking the bottom half of my robes make me look pretty. At age 15, I was caught by my brother in the make up section, instead of the men’s clothing section. Ironic Caedusios practically embraced my identity, even asking without blinking if I am a straight transgender woman. I said no, but he still accepted me. How nice he can accept what I couldn’t. No wonder we’re still close.

Then I would wear dresses and make up in private, but never in front of my lovers. Until one day I was doing my pretty things, while instinctly clouding my Force presence. Kardeva noticed it and came charging me into the room to save me from an assailant. I saw him with his saber drawn and literally hid in a closet. I thought he was my father, mother, or someone else discovering my dirty little secret in tent on electrocuting me for it! 

Thankfully, I eventually came out from the literal and metaphorical closet. Then Kardeva helped me fix the make up, and he’s helped me ever since! Now here I am, not out to my family in entirety, but out to the world wide web. Billions of people on earth, only 2 in a galaxy far, far away. That’s not normal to put it bluntly, but who needs normal? I’m comfortable with who I am.

My Dresses:

Sexuality:

Alrighty, I am a homosexual gay man. Yes, I combine the two because in general my sexuality is very specific: I am attracted to men who were assigned male at birth. Sorry to all the transgender men, and transgender woman who still have a penis and testicles. 

I have never desired the female form in its entirety. I am turned off at the idea of vagina-penis sex. It’s how I am built, and it won’t change under the threat of being labled transphobic (I’ve known asexuals who are so turned off from sex get called transphobic because their wiring to not want sex would include those under the transgender umbrella).  Now. that being said, it doesn’t mean I’m an asshole. I have had sex with transgender men who didn’t want or didn’t get bottom surgery, but were on hormones and had top surgery. Then I wasn’t going to run from the room screaming like an asshole; nope, I did make love to him and he enjoyed it. And I enjoyed it. If I found him hot at the bar, or in the park, a vagina wouldn’t make me not find him hot then. It wouldn’t be my first choice, and if they still look female to my eye sex wouldn’t even come into question but it isn’t 100% the deal breaker either.

BUT I’m married. To Kardeva. Anyone else is a deal breaker now. KNow what a bigger deal breaker is? When I tell someone I’m gay and married, and they continue anyway. Because I’m a giant man, it doesn’t happen much but it does happen on occasion and all I can say to those ladies and gents is: FUCK OFF! I’m not above snapping you in half, and tossing the halves down some of Vaiken’s chasms.

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 3 &4: Species and Mental State

It was only a matter of time before I was fashonably late for this: Writing Day 3 on Day 4? Really, Crim?? Well, only one thing to do: Write 3 and 4 in one post and pray despite the length it’s interesting. 

Day 3 on my  30 day Challenge:

Talk about your OC’s species and demonym. A demonyn is the name for an inhabitant of a specific place, in this case their planet of birth, such as Tarisian (from Taris) or Mantellian (from Ord Mantell). How do they define their demonym? Do they have one? What influence does it have on their identity?

For Species: Do they have a sense of connection with others of their species? Were they raised with their own species or in a more diverse community? Do they follow any traditions or customs that are species-specific?

For Demonym: Do they feel a sense of connection to their planet of birth? Does the planet’s history and society effect them? Do they follow any traditions or holidays from their home planet?

My species and demonymn. Alrighty then.

My Species:

There is no nice way of saying this: I, a Sith Pureblood, am a mut between species. Yes, there is an oxymoron! A pureblood is a mut. Yet this is a true oxymoron, for a Sith Pureblood isn’t really a true Sith but a mix of Sith and human.

A long time ago, the Sith were a red skinned species native to Korriban. They had their own language, which is still spoken today, their own culture, and their own way of life. Then the fallen, dark Jedi came and subjugated the species. Thanks to Sith alchemy, the two interbred and Sith purebloods came out as a result.

In the Sith Empire, purebloods or tsis in my people’s language, are ones who have the obvious red markings and face tendrils of the Sith species. In many ways, we’re remnants of an ancient past with eyes straining towards the future. 

Now, do I have a sense of connection with any of them? 

This has evolved over the years. When i was a lad, I wanted nothing to do with the Sith part of me. Why would I want anything to do with a people who were abusive; never mind the Force, who seemed to condone the abusive behaviour? In truth, I think that’s why I let intelligence “turn me human” for all intents and purposes.

Yet, here I am writing this as a Force user, and quite content with. Proof the Force works in mysterious ways. I decided to train in the Force after Zakull came. I had to choose between being stubborn, or ensuring Kardeva had a family to come home to after getting out of carbonite. I chose the latter, and in that I feel connection to my people.

 I also feel that connection when I lived with my adopted family. They showed me there are many ways to be Sith. Many of them died when Zakuul, but my brother survived along with most of his fortress. Rebuilding it was hard, as was burying the dead, but we pulled through as a family. I think during that time I felt closest to my Sith ancestry than I ever had. Intense sorrow breeds intense unity and division at the same time. It’s a miracle.

Finally, I raised 3 children who are all tsis. Hard to not feel the connection when raising the next generation. They challenge my understanding of our people, challenge how I conduct myself, and force me to remember what it was like growing up tsis in a good way. And I think I challenge them to not solely stick with the status quo: Only Zeon, my daughter, is training to be a Sith. Ssra is following in my footsteps by spying on Sith Intelligence for the Alliance, and Nwit became a Mandalorian. Tied to a rich history, yet forging our own way ahead. I love my family.

I feel connection to my humanity when I’m with Kardeva and when I’m cooking. Kardeva is human, and I see my humanity reflecting back at me every time I look at him. It’s why I couldn’t rebuild my life, and move on, while he was locked in carbonite. To see such an important part of myself reflected back was too much to so easily walk away from, even if it meant I never get him back. So, Kardeva is my connection to my humanity.

The second one is my cooking. When I was doing infiltration, I found that people say many things while breaking bread. So, I found a way to get trained as a chef so I could eavesdrop while making and serving meals. Most of the dishes I learned to make are geared more toward a human palette, so there is the connection. Now that I’m a part of Alliance Intelligence I combine human and pureblood cooking together. Have to keep both pallets happy at my house.

My Demonym

I’m a Kaasian by birth: Born and raised in Kaas City. I lived there for the first 15 years of life, and off and on in between intelligence missions. It was where I first learned about life, who I am as a man, and where my place was in the Empire. I miss it when I’m away, and feel nostalgia when I return. It is my home.

I think everyone feels a sense of connection to their birthplace, regardless of if it’s a good or bad connection. While family wise, it was a bad connection, in terms of Kaas over all it’s a good connection: I know where all the hang out spots are, know how to get around the Sith Academy there, and I even know where the best place to get photos of the Citadel are!

Does the planet’s history and society affect people who live on Kaas? Short answer: Everything about its history affects everyone! No, that isn’t an exaggeration. Ever since Dromund Kaas was colonized, the focus has always been serving the Emperor and getting revenge on the Republic. 

At the Sith Academy, where all tsis go to learn their basic education and Sith training, I learned what the Republic did to our people at the end of the Great Hyperspace War. I then learned why we needed to train and prepare to go to war as soon as we were of age. Given the war was still going on when I was young, I knew I had little choice on where my destiny lied. My mother and father couldn’t be prouder to see their son  trained as a juggernaut and creating the next generation.

To that end, most of our holidays and celebrations revolved around the Emperor or defeating the Republic: Colonization Day, which used to be the Emperor’s birthday until Empress Acina took over; Kitok Kursas Diena (New Years Day); Katedij Pradzia (Korriban Rises Day), to celebrate the day the Empire took Korriban back from the Republic; birthdays of important Sith like Ajunta Pall, Naga Sadow, Marka Ragnos, and Darth Vitiate; and days where we remember our dead like Visa Virmsezi Arsiasiza (All Hallows Eve), and  Diena iv Liudesys, the Day of Sorrows.

I remember  Diena iv Liudesys the most, since it was one of the few days we had off from school. It was the day the Republic came to Korriban to destroy my people completely and utterly. It both remembers their fate, and strengthened our resolve to make the Jedi and Republic pay. The moment the Republic attacked, Dromund Kaas went silent for 5 min: Everyone simply froze with no sounds or movements. Even droids had to be quiet. If one was driving through the jungle, they had to stop and pray the jungle creatures didn’t notice them. 

I remember thinking about the Great Hyperspace War, and about how somewhere someone in the Republic is patting themselves on the back for being the good guys. The good guys build on the deaths of my people. It made me angry, and made me want to see them destroyed eventually. Now, though, Empress Acina changed the day into  Isatre Vunyi va «Eternal Resolve». Zakuul is the real enemy now, she said to the populace, and we need to focus on them over a battle that happened over 1000 years ago. Smart woman, the Empress, a worthy successor to Darth Marr.

Alright, that’s enough for Day 3. Now for Day 4:

Day 4: Mind Matters

Briefly describe your OC’s mental state. Are they neurotypical or neuroatypical? Do they have any mental illnesses or a history with mental illness? How do they handle stress? Are they Force-sensitive or Force-blind? Does this effect their mental state?

Briefly, hmm? I can understand briefly. One’s mental state can be an entire Master’s thesis if they’re not careful.  I would describe my mental state as...

No.

Caedusios? Why are you here writing?

Because one’s mental state is best assessed from the outside, not within. You would just say you’re mental state is neuro-typical and perfect.  I can give a more accurate assessment. 

And you’re late for your date with Kardeva.

You’re right, I am! Alright, you can write this. All I ask is don’t make me look insane. Wouldn’t want to scare off my new readers...

If you, the readers, haven’t determined he’s not entirely sane then I’m not sure whose blog you were reading. Anyways, I am Darth CAedusios. I am Crimsèn’s adopted older brother. Biologically we’re first cousins: his father and my father are brothers. Because we’re both only children, we grew up together on Kaas as brothers since our families had no where else to go but to one another’s house. 

I have seen Crimsèn grow from being a teenager trying to be who his parents pre-determined into a man relatively content with himself. I can’t say he has grown into a neurotypical man, anymore than I can say he was ever a purely cisgender person. No, his mental state has gone through many gymnastics.

I would say that Crimsèn has a condition called Asperger’s Syndrome, and some traits of borderline personality disorder. While he was a social butterfly, and still is in so many ways, he never intuitively understood social ques save mine and my mother and father’s.  Also, Crim is quite obsessive about specific things to the point where he almost refused to do anything but his interests.

This has lead to a double edged sword with the Force. Between ages 1 and 15, Crim was obsessed with becoming the Sith Lord his father wanted his only son to be. As a result, I remember him being so obsessed with learning the sabre combat of Marka Ragnos and Naga Sadow, that he couldn’t be bothered to eat. 

At age 15 (by the way, I am using Imperial Standard years), for reasons I’m assuming Crimsèn will explain tomorrow, he stripped himself of the Force. For the next 15 years, he obsessively resisted any hint of being a pureblood outside of looks. It drove him to serve the EMpire under intelligence, suppress most of his pureblood characteristics, and in some ways quietly accept being brainwashed under intelligence. They used the CAstellan Mind control in order to ensure he would never go back to our people nor ruin any missions because he acted on emotions over logic.

Now, his obsessions are mostly on taking care of his family. To that end, he was trained in using his returned Force abilities at last. He couldn’t fight Zakuul without all the tools, and abilities he had, just like I couldn’t fight Zakuul by sticking with the narrow ways of Jedi and the Sith.

Now, where does borderline personality disorder fit into this? Well, Crimsèn only has two traits of it really: Abandonment fears and emotional swings. The emotional swings are thanks to him being a Sith and his connection to the darkside as a result. Not saying it is good or evil to have such swings; it is what it is. 

I believe his abandonment fears are from being abused. Abuse teaches people many things, including the belief that if they under perform by a fraction of a percent, they will be abandoned. For Crim, that abandonment meant his own father would murder his only son the moment he learned he was gay (I know was going to save that for Crim to explain tomorrow during the Gender/Sexuality topic, but I felt it was needed in context here). Then it was join intelligence, or his first love would abandon him via Intelligence executing his first love.

Now with his marriage to Kardeva... I know that the distance broke him and left Crim vulnerable to many influences. I chose, as his master, to step back and let him either stand strong in the storm or fall to it because that was his trial. As a master and mentor, it’s important to know when a person needs to face a trial on their own or face it with some guidance. 

I can say that while Crim’s abandonment fears are still there, he has learned how to live with them now in a way that he controls them instead of the other way around. I’m proud of my brother for facing them. 

[crimvaiocipher8]

... I swear, I’m not entirely full of myself. These golden shots are courtesy of Soa’s mindtraps in the Eternity Vault.

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 20: Conclusions

Day 20 and back to filling Cipher 9′s shoes. 

Day 20: Conclusion

How did they want their story to end? How did it actually end in the Class Quests (Chapter 1-3)? What about Shadows of Revan? What about KOTFE? KOTET?

Here’s how I wanted the Imperial Agent Class story to end: 

1. Bioware inserted SGR into the ending, and Hunter and I have hot hate sex! 

2. Imperial Intelligence is reformed becauase the Sith see they were dumb to disband it.

What really happened:

And I ended up destroying the black codex. I had enough of the Sith and Intelligence’s numerous injustices against intelligence personnel.

For Shadow of Revan, I ended it with mostly lightside results. Revanites were defeated, truce over, and I still had a little boy crush on Theron Shan. I cried when he chose to break up, instead of continuing. Clearly patience was the key. 

In game, KOTFE and KOTET rewared me with Theron Shan... and the wealth of knowledge keeping Arcann and Senya alive brought. I think I would’ve preferred the battle on Odessen in KOTET having more Theron Shan. Which could’ve only happened if I chose to kill Senya and Arcann. Wonderful. And they say the dark side doesn’t pay...

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 19: Courtship and Friendship

So I am a horrible person who is doing day 19... 21 days later! Hugest apologies as my creator has been busy with moving, and I have been busy with being romantic with Kardeva and doing many operations. Thankfully, I can correct this now and get back on track.

Alrighty, Day 19...

Does your OC get involved romantically or sexually with anybody? When do they first fall for them or get involved? If they fall in love, when does it happen? Does the relationship last? Friendships (for the aromantic and otherwise): Do they have a serious platonic relationship with anyone? How does it begin? Does it last?

First, thank you for including aromantic/asexual people in this question! My son, Nwit, is asexual and my creator is aromantic-asexual so always happy to see all of the alphabet soup included in these sorts of questionnaires.

Second, well I’ve been talking about Kardeva since day 1 so yes, I have been involved in romantic/sexual relationships. I am in one now, and married life is good. A roller-coaster with ups, downs, fast moments, slow moments, passionate moments, romantic moments, goods, and bads like any life partnership, but overall it has been good. That is the simple answer.

The more complex one is I do have exes. Just like Nwit has ex-platonic friendships, I’ve got ex-lovers that ended for various reasons. To break the 4th wall a moment, I’m restricted to the game environment and can’t control what happens between my creator and their RP partners. Also as an agent, I was trained to use love and sex as tools to get information. During my early Cipher years, I took advantage of that despite it being empty. The joys of being a young gay man who was taught how his sexuality was an advantage for the first time.

Since Kardeva is the only important person with regards to my love life, I will talk about our relationship in more detail. When we first met, I was in a phase where I’d given up on monogamy, and was trying to juggle multiple relationships. I had 3 lovers, and he was in an open relationship, though the open part was one sided and not in Kardeva’s favour. During that time, our first “sexual” encounter was with two other men. I remember him touching me, and kissing me a little but we never consummated. Nope, in that case it was me being with his lover. It was... as hot as no-emotions, empty sex is.

Joke’s on him, though: Kardeva and I are more than sexually compatible, and I’ll take 2 min with him over 1000s of minutes in an orgy. >:)

Then of course, all of our relationships failed eventually. I think I let mine fail because I couldn’t be with three other people, and still wonder things like what Kardeva was doing or hoping the Emperor isn’t sending him to his death. Also, I didn’t appreciate people who expected me to be their savior but couldn’t respect any of my boundaries.

Kardeva can share why his relationship failed if he wants to.

What’s important for you to know is that in our heart break, we reached for each other for support and found what we were searching for. Yet, we still weren’t entirely sure we were ready to embrace the other and risk another dead end. I think we both understood that fear. In fact, there are many things about the other we understand. And the ones we don’t we embrace anyway. For example, I don’t understand how he can wear white all the time, and he doesn’t understand when I’m flirting with him every time.

I love him.

Moving on! It was about 1.5 years after we had our sort of sexual encounter that we made love for the first time. I’m hesitant to say made love because we didn’t know then if we fell for each other, yet I know from my end it was making love because I explored him inside and out with each clothing article that was removed.

He was and is the most beautiful man I’ve ever gazed upon. His eyes look into my soul, yet in a way that I know I’m safe. He’s the safest person I’ve ever been with, and the most beautiful. A beauty expresses in combat, dancing, and making works of art. I’ve fallen hard but not fast. No, it was a long road to finding him, and finding out I want no one but him. And if I may, it was similar for him too.

When do I fall in love? I have no idea. Sometimes I fell fast, slow... Sometimes it lasts a long time, other times it is bittersweet and short. With regards to Kardeva... I don’t know if it’ll ever end. I heard someone say love is watching someone die? For me, and our relationship, love is waiting for someone who would never come back.

He did come back. He has come back. Doesn’t change that as far as I knew, he wasn’t. And I still was completely in love. No moving on, no going back, and no more love for me. Even if it meant he came back, and had moved on himself. Thankfully, and hopefully, that day never comes. I’m praying to the Force it will never come, and working so it doesn’t.

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 13: Point of View

First, Happy 150th Birthday Canada from a man who loves to wear his red and white!

My creator is a Canadian, and I live in their mind in Canada. It’s a lovely country, and has many values that I share in terms of equality for Transgender people (thanks Bill C-16!), lesbians, gays, asexuals, and all other queer weirdos ;).

Speaking of values, that is the topic for today:

Day 13: Values

How does your OC define “good�� and “evil”? “Right” and “wrong”? Do they bother to consider such things at all? What are your OC’s priorities? What’s the first thing they consider when making a decision? Are they Dark side or Light side? Somewhere in between?

What are my values? How do I define good and evil?

I find this one is the hardest to define, because regardless of definition there is a little bit of both in me.   Also there was a time in my life where god and evil were irrelevant. In Intelligence work, my duty is to complete a mission in the most efficient, Empire serving way possible. I was very dedicated to my work back then. 

Now that my work is more directly with my family, and the Alliance, I find myself putting good and evil more at the forefront. Alliance Intelligence includes ex-Ciphers/Fixers/Minders, and ex-Republic SIS agents. There will be a clash between values and efficiency and I can’t have that battle compromise missions.

To that end, I’ve come to realize that efficiency and “any means necessary” aren’t one in the same. Is the real answer to a missions killing everything on sight? Is it more efficient to keep a prisoner to learn all their secrets or kill them to ensure no one gets their secrets? I listen and learn from the different voices at the table.

I suppose what gets first priority is my family, and the second are my people. People doesn’t mean my red Sith people, but my LGBTQ+ brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings. Those two are always at the front of my mind, and I would say the second is true even if the individual belongs to the enemy faction. After visiting numerous gay bars, and sneaking into some Republic gay pride events, I’ve heard enough to learn that being persecuted for being oneself isn’t unique to me, and I refuse to add to it.

The first thing I consider when making a decisions: What will it do to or cost my family?

I must confess I am darkside because as a tsis, we more naturally connect to the darkside. Though the darkside is more a tool I use than having a real presence in my life. At least... I think... Maybe I should talk to my husband, and then psyche, and get back to you on that?

I love the new GIF feature... Anyway, that’s day 13. Day 14 is tomorrow. I look forward to writing it.

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 12 Catch Up: The Force and Religion

Ah the remnants of Sith armor my father left to me when he died. I think I sport it pretty well. Though the gun throws people in for a loop. I figure it was a fitting picture to show that on #CipherFriday, I can pull off many disguises, and to show that the Force and I are like any romantic couple: there are times when we fight, times when we get along, times when we can’t get enough of one another, and times when we try ignore the other’s existence.

I hope to the Force, Kardeva and I never go through the last stage.

Day 11: The Force How did your OC first learn about the Force? How was it introduced to them? Is the Force frightening or familiar? Are they Force-Sensitive? If they are, are they aware of it? What do they think of the Force? Do they believe it guides and influences? Do they think it’s just superstition or a strange religion?

Honestly, I came out of my mother’s womb and I learned about the Force.  I was levitating before I was walking. And if I wasn’t doing the levitation, I was being shocked via the Force thanks to dear old mom and dad. The Force is like my ridges, hate it or love it I seem to be stuck with it despite my best efforts.

Yes, I am force sensitive. Because I'm a tsis, I’m more naturally inclined to use the darkside but because I’ve learned to embrace a wide range of passions I don’t find myself becoming a psychotic. My training has been has been a rollercoaster, and I’ve had many teachers. The reason my Sith training stopped was because I some how destroyed my Force sensitivity shortly after I ran away at 15. Eventually it started again, courtesy of lovers who said I needed to train, but that didn’t last thankfully. Why be with people who try to “fix” me when I’ve proven I can do my job without the Force’s help.

Then Kardeva. Then Kardeva. Then Kardeva. Now I use the force but not as any Force order. I’ve read Jedi, Sith, and Zakuulan philosophy. I suppose I am gray over  anything else. Do I believe the Force influences things? Of course I do. I see it daily, especially in my children and my husband.

Speaking of Force Orders... But first, another CipherFriday picture!

Nothing like playing a republic soldier one day at a time. :)

Day 12: Religion/Force Orders Is your OC religious or loyal to a particular Force-based Order? If so, what do they believe? Is their religion centered around the Force? If not, what is it centered around and how do they react to Force-based religions? Have they ever had an experience they consider religious (real or imagined)? For the Sith: Do they follow the Sith Code? Do they trust the Dark Council and follow them? Do they want to take a seat on the Dark Council? For the Jedi: Do they believe in the Jedi Code? Do they follow the Jedi Council without question or do they feel they are fallible?

I can answer  this simply: I’m spiritual because I use the Force and am trained to continue using it. However, I’m not a religious person given that I don’t align with any specific philosophy. 

How do I react to Force based religions? Well, I suppose I react in terms of live, let live, learn from them, while keeping a sage distance in case they prove to not be very nice. In truth I’m loyal to Force users over Force religions: Kardeva, Caedusios, Zeon (my daughter), Ssra (my son), and my late adoptive parents are who I’m loyal too.

And that’s all I’m going to say without giving away my missions.

[crimvaiocipher8]

Day 12 Catch Up: Day 10 Politics

Cipher Friday Picture 1:

Look at me, being such a naughty man: Fashionably late for not one but 3 days, on top of today! I will strive to explain the easiest way possible: Kardeva and I had some dates that reinforced peace is a lie, there is only passion. ;)

Still, I owe to my readers, my husband, and myself to continue on and write the three days out in celebration of #CipherFriday. Go Cipher Agents!  Ready? Here we go.

Day 10: Politics Let’s talk politics. Are they solidly on the side of the Republic or the Sith Empire or are they neutral? What are your character’s political opinions? (Ideas for topics: slavery, the Jedi, the Sith, the Outer Rims, the Dark Council, the Republic Senate, etc.) What issues do they prioritize, and what issues do they ignore? Do they desire to do something to change politics or do they not bother? Do they trust their political leaders?

This is a heavy subject... Perhaps I should break this up into three posts? I think I will.

Currently, I'm solidly on the Alliance side. I'll say it now: My husband is the commander, and I'm loyal to him first before any faction. Where he's loyal, I'm loyal. Simple as that. Of course this is complex given I've ridden a figurative rollarcoaster to come here and get this far.

When I was a child, I was loyal to the Empire and to the Sith. I thought Sith were the end all, and be all of power in the universe. My destiny was to become one of them given my force sensitivity! My mother and father ensured I knew that. Heck, they ensured *everyone* in the family knew their destiny was to become Sith by any means necessary. This included the rare non-force using purebloods in the family, like my cousin Pergaleas.

As you know from previous days, that changed at 15. I was still loyal to the Empire; they're my people whether I agreed with becoming a Sith or not. So I picked a career that would limit my contacts with Sith, while still serving the Empire. Was it worth it in the end? I prefer not to think of it because that's calling into question a huge part of my life, and I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't have Kardeva if I didn't go through because he'd be talking to a different man.

Brief Pause for Another #CipherFriday Picture:

Blazing fireball ain’t got SHIT on me.

However, in terms of politics, I would have to say the Republic and Empire are flops. Mind you they're flops for different reasons, but they're flops. I find the Empire is a flop because despite moving forward and bettering ourselves in terms of technology, studying the Force, and our worlds we still haven't learned the lesson that balancing our intense anger, hatred, passion, survivle, etcetera with our other emotions like love, joy, loyalty, honor, and other emotions. Without that balance, time and time again a Sith betrays another Sith to the point where no one is really focusing on the real issues like fighting the enemy we're at war with!

To that end, I can see why Empress Acina hasn't put together a Dark Council really, and the only Darths there are in the Empire are the ones that survived. The Empire trains Force users in the Dromund Kaas Sith Academy, but most of them just stay Lords or become servants within other branches of the Empire. No point putting together a Council that is too busy infighting. Bloated and broken.

As for the Republic, I find it has too much faith in "being good". In fact there is so much faith amongst the Republic in the goodness of their society, that they almost choose to blind their eyes out instead of admitting there are problems. For instance, how many people would believe a senator found a way to purchase slave collars? *Slave collars*. A senator of the peaceful, democratic, no slavery Republic purchased slave collars in order to get the non-human employees to work for free. Or how many would believe that one of Darth Zash's protege's may have tried to find a peaceful solution to getting an artifact from a Jedi, only for that Jedi to betray them and attack anyway?  Then they all go home, and give themselves a toast to their inherent goodness against the evil Empire.

Be undercover in the Republic for a few years, and see all the glaring hypocrisy that no one wants to address. Then I suppose it makes it easier to justify mass slaughtering my people at the end of the Great Hyperspace War. Someone has to be the bad guy to convince people to keep fighting, right?

Now as for prioritizing and changing things... I'm second in command to the Galactic Commander. There are many things I can change, and strive to. However, I know blindly changing things without considering the consequences is not the wisest move. How I prioritize is what is needed immediately vs. what needs to be over the long term. Right now, the immediate is stopping whoever betrayed Kardeva, and ensure Alliance Intelligence keeps moving. Over the course of time, I do wish to change things so Zakuul is a participant within the galaxy, instead of the enemy of the galaxy. Reconciliation is not easy but I feel/think it must be done.

[crimvaiocipher8]

Edit to Day 4

To clarify: my marriage to Kardeva had been everything to me. It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. I love him beyond reason.

Kardeva being locked away for five years broke me. It was my trial and my mind and strength failed me. The love of my life locked in carbonite and I can’t reach him? Not dead but not exactly alive… I never felt more alone.

It was my trial. I failed it because i tried to stand under it alone. Kardeva showed me i didn’t have to and he rescued me. In that I learned what it means to have a life partner. And I used it to be Kardeva’s partner by ensuring he wouldn’t walk his recovery from carbonite alone.

That’s all I have to say. Day 9 will be posted soon.

[crimvaiocipher8]

Days 7-8

I figured that since I needed to play catch up anyway, I should combine the two parts about fighting into one. Fighting... Since I’m an universe earthlings know as Star Wars, fighting is almost an expectation that everyone does instead of something reserved for criminals, and those in the military and law enforcement. We’ll see what I think and feel about it.

Day 7: Fighting Methods

Does your OC fight? Is your OC good at fighting? Are they self-taught or did they have teachers? Do they have a lot of combat experience? What is their fighting style? Do they prefer ranged combat or close combat? Favourite weapon/ability/move? Favorite way to kill?

Short answers is yes, I do fight.

The long answer is I do fight well; if I didn’t fight well, I’d be underground by now. I am a combination of self-taught and instructor-taught. I self taught myself the basics of using blasters and rifles. I was instructed during my early acolyte days in vibrosword and saber combat. After I joined intelligence, I was trained to wield sniper rifles, blaster rifles, and vibroknives.

My combat experience mostly comes from the various wars that have happened in recent history. First, I served as as a sniper against the Republic during the new war. Then I served with the coalition during the Revanite Crisis. Now, it’s mostly with the Alliance. I was able to snipe down many Zakuulan forces during prelimenary battles, and when Vaylin finally came to Odessen. It was intense fighting and I rather enjoyed it.

My fighting style is definitely from behind. My husband breaks down thefront door, while I quietly come in through the backdoor. I prefer my kills to be fast and clean, with little evidence I was ever there. To that end, I prefer to use a Defiant Technographer with Sniper configuration rifle or an Iokath MK-15 Vibroknife. I modified them both my own augmentations to they better fit my hands, and work with my vision gadgets, and use small kaibur crystals to increase their damage output.

There is no favourite way to take a life for me. I prefer to simply take a target out with one far away shot. It’s fast, clean, and difficult to track ((aka ambush + takedown)). This leads into Day 8...

Day 8: Morality of Fighting

What do they think about fighting/violence as a solution to problems? What was the first time they killed someone? What fight do they have nightmares about? Do they prefer to kill their enemies or do they try and show mercy? Do they feel proud of their kills or regret them?

I suppose I answered that questions yesterday in terms of explaining how a good agent sees violence as one tool among many. I can expand  on this a bit:

Violence is a tool at the end of the day. I can use it to get information, ensure silence from an informant, protect my family. Yet, it isn’t my only tool, nor should I put it at the top of my list of tools. In fact, Intelligence’s Keeper during the Cold War, who later became the Minister of Intelligence, berated any agents who either overused it or didn’t use it well. 

That coupled with the abuse I experienced in my early years has lead me to believe violence isn’t my favourite tool. I am trained to use it, and I don’t mind it in places like the simulators to keep my endurance up, but in many ways to me it leaves more problems them solves it. And contrary to the Sith code’s philosophy, it can be quite impractical.  Do I prefer to kill or show mercy to my enemies? I suppose it depends on the enemy. Back in Imperial Intelligence, live enemies were always better because they can still talk. Now that I have a husband and family, I often prefer dead enemies because they can’t hurt them ever again. Yet in every enemy is the enemy behind them and I can’t find the enemy behind them if I shoot blindly. Shooting blindly also leaves the wrong targets wounded and killed. 

What fights do I have nightmares of... Many. Countless. But to explain them would be to betray the wrong people. Let’s say there are faces who I wish I didn’t end now that I see the aftermath of it. 

And that’s how I do and view fighting and violence. Tomorrow is about social status... I think I can say that topic I haven’t discussed really in past posts.