#OB!HumanAu

[satansaidnottoday]

When they are sick: human Au.

Info: Human AU, GN!Mc.

Summary: how do they deal with being sick and how can you help them.

Warnings: just general talk of sickness.

Lucifer

He ignores all of the symptoms and signals that he's going to be sick.

Even if you try to tell him to take care, he will tell you it's just a sore throat.

He's sneezing all over his paperwork and can barely breathe.

He won't take a single day off. He'd just chug some pills and act like his fine.

In the end, you have to force him to bed when the fever takes over and he's writing down nonsense. You let Diavolo know he won't be working the rest of the week.

Protests and whines about it, but it's too weak to do anything about it. Internally he's actually glad someone cares for him, but it's too prideful to admit it.

He will sleep most of the day, trying to pass the sickness as fast as possible. Bring him tea, and some medicine, and put on his favorite classic vinyls. It will help immensely.

When he is better he thanks you genuinely. Being the oldest brother, he never got to rest and get taken care of. He's very appreciative.

Mammon

The moment he feels the smallest indication of sickness he starts to whine about it.

He just wants attention. Your attention specifically.

If you give in and console him he will latch on to you and act way worse than he actually is.

If you don't he will whine even more about you not caring about him.

"Mc! You're do cruel, I could die you know…"

Over dramatic when the cold actually hits him.

He's in bed with the lowest fever ever, crying because he's going to die.

Encourage him by saying he's way stronger than any sickness and he'll instantly stop.

You're right! The great Mammon can't lose against a common cold.

Won't let you leave his side. Gets really needy and asks you the most random questions to keep you talking to him.

"Okay but what's your second to last favorite animal?"

Will get better pretty fast, his immune system is amazing. He will pretend to still be a little sick to get pampered tho.

He will buy you presents as a thank you for taking care of him.

Leviathan

He ignores the symptoms at first. It's not like he leads a super-active lifestyle anyway. Playing video games all day can't make your cold worse.

His immune system is shit due to how little he goes outside, so when it hits, it hits really hard.

He says he's okay and can take care of himself. It's a lie, he not only wants you to take care of him, he desperately needs it.

He gets high fevers and skull-hammering headaches. Every time he sneezes he feels like his brain is rearranged. He can't even sleep because of the pain.

He clings to you and whines about the pain.

"Why meee?"

You make him his favorite chicken ramen because that's all he wants to eat.

Since he can't look at screens, you read him novels to keep him entertained.

When he gets better you stay over for a marathon of every new anime episode he missed.

Satan

He starts preparing when he feels the symptoms coming.

He tries a few home remedies he read about, but they rarely work.

When he is actually sick, he will arrange time off work. He has his doctor on the line and already made a run to the pharmacy to get real medicine.

Takes a lot of short naps.

His symptoms are strong, but he knows how to manage them.

Reads most of the day. Only allows the cats into his bed. Sadly, that doesn't include you.

He won't let you come close, he will even try to convince you to not visit at all. Of course, you still show up to make him vegetable soup and refill his honey tea.

When his eyes sting too much to read, you sit at a cautious distance and narrate to him whatever book he wants.

Gets better pretty fast.

He surprises you with homemade dinner as a thank you.

Asmodeus

He panics when he realizes he is going to be sick. Tries to deny it until it's too late.

He hates being sick, more than anyone else. He hates the puffy eyes, the swollen nose, the chapped and broken lips.

The only saving grace is you. He loves the extra attention (like he doesn't get enough already).

He actually has a pretty good immune system and has barely any symptoms.

Doesn't exaggerate his symptoms like Mammon, he just straight up tells you to pamper him.

And how could you say no to that face?

You spend the week holed up in his room because he doesn't want to be seen by anyone but you. Every time he needs you to run an errand for him, he frames it as a mission.

Your most frequent mission is getting more chocolate.

Skincare, skincare, and more skincare. You use around 20 different masks a day.

When he is feeling better he wants to go out and have a proper date.

Now you gotta pamper him because he was sick before! He couldn't fully enjoy his time with you.

Beelzebub

Has an immune system made of steel.

Rarely gets sick, and when he does he just goes on with his normal life. At most, he gets a low fever and has to test for a day.

You can convince him to take a little rest by offering to cook for him. Anything will do, even just instant soup. He just loves the thought of you cooking for him.

He will try to help, do not let him. One thing he does get when sick is dizzy. You don't want him near anything hot.

He is completely fine by the next day. I wish we could say the same about you.

He infected you. Now you're in bed with a high fever and can barely move.

Don't worry tho! He will make you the best chicken soup you've ever tried.

Belphegor

You would think he is another drama queen, but honestly, he doesn't have the energy for that.

He already expects you to spoil him at all times, sick or not.

He gets sick too often to make an event out of it. The winter, the change of seasons, and humidity variations; everything gets him mildly sick.

Of course, that's just a great excuse to take extra naps.

Doesn't care at all about infecting you, he will demand you cuddle him the whole time.

You're the greatest body pillow ever, so of course he needs you to feel better.

A lot sweeter than usual. He will drop the snark and be pure fluff.

Force him to eat some vegetables, he will never get better if he keeps sustaining himself on snacks and candy.

If you're strong enough, you will have to carry him everywhere. His bones hurt too much to walk.

If you're not strong enough, you will build muscle dating him.

Not much will change when he gets better, he'll just have more energy to tease you.

A little bonus Lucifer scene. Because I'm shameless about my favoritism.

"Luci, I think you have to go to bed," you said as you raked your hand up Lucifer's hair. He looked at you from his desk, his eyelids dark and red.

He tried to speak, but his throat hurt and he gave up. He let himself rest against your touch. He slowly shook his head.

"You have a fever, angel," you leaned down to whisper, caressing Lucifer's face and feeling it burn under your hands. "What you're writing makes no sense."

You tried to explain, but Lucifer wasn't hearing anymore. He hugged your lower body and let his head rest against it, looking for comfort. You gave him your arms and helped him stand up, guiding him all the way to his room.

Thanks for reading!

[satansaidnottoday]

When you get sick

Based on the Uno reverse Beel pulled in the last post.

Info: Human AU, GN!Mc.

Summary: You've got the cold and now your boyfriend must take care of you.

Warnings: general talk of sickness.

Lucifer

Has "do what I say, not what I do" energy. 

He urges you to take time off and rest. Says it's very important to relax for a timely recovery. Be sure to remember his exact words for the next time he is sick.

Will try to get out of work earlier so he can take care of you. He calls you throughout the day to see how you're doing and if you need anything. If you're in a really bad condition, he will take time off to take care of you.

He can't cook, but will order any foods you like. 

He will cuddle you if you ask, but won't offer on his own. He is a little scared of it being contagious. 

When you feel better, he won't expect anything from you but will accept any gestures of gratitude you give him.

Mammon

Whiny.

Thinks you're going to die.

You have to reassure him that it's just a cold every thirty minutes. I will try to get you to the hospital anyway.

He is completely at your service from day one. Do not dare move a muscle; the great Mammon has everything covered for you.

You have a fresh supply of hot tea always by your side. He makes sure you get all of your meals. He keeps a tally of every medicine you need to take. You basically have a personal nurse.

Lots of cuddles and massages.

If you're trembling at all because of the fever, he will hold you as if you were having a seizure.

He cries a lot when you're in pain, probably more than you.

When you're feeling better, he will expect at the very least a thank-you gift. A shopping spree would be preferable.

Leviathan

He doesn't know what to do.

Finds everything to be too overwhelming. He is really worried about you and wants to help, but he has no idea how to take care of a sick person. So, of course, he goes back to the person who used to take care of him when he was sick. Mammon.

He tries his hardest to be just as supportive, but it doesn't go well. The tea is always too hot or too cold, he only knows how to make ramen, and he keeps forgetting about the ibuprofen!

In the end, the best he can do for you is bring you more tissue boxes and lay down by your side while you watch movies. You reassure him that this is more than enough, but he still feels a little guilty.

When you feel better, make a great spectacle about how helpful he was. He did miss a butch of seasonal releases just to stay with you.

Satan

He will insist you take time off the moment symptoms start to show.

Shows up at your house with a butch of medicinal herbs. Mint to open up your nose, lavender to help with the headache, cardamom for... Something? He knows it had some healing property, but seems to have forgotten. He makes you some soup with it just in case it was important.

Won't go near you, even if you ask. Most he'd do is help you get around if your muscles are aching.

He will tell you about his latest read and how it made him feel. If you have read it, he will ask you to compare notes. Just trying to keep you entertained any way he can.

He brings all of his favorite tea blends for you to try out.

He won't expect anything in return for his care. He loves you, and that's just what you do for the people you love.

Asmodeus

Whiny 2.0

"My poor, beautiful thing."

He might not know a lot about caring for the sick, but he knows a lot about self-care. You will still have a runny nose, but your skin will shine, baby. 

He will pamper you. Have all of the blankets. Sleep for as long as you want. Ask for any food, and he will get it for you. With unlimited snacks, you can even have his favorite chocolates. He will watch all of your comfort shows and movies with you.

Baths, many baths. They are really good when you're sick; they relax your muscles and help the bad energies leave the body.

As soon as you're feeling good, it's his turn to be pampered! So better be prepared.

Beelzebub

If nothing else, you're well fed.

All healthy meals, he won't let you indulge in sweets. Your body needs protein and veggies right now, and he will have them for you at every meal. 

Will cut fruit for you as snack.

Pushes you to do some light exercises when you can. Sweat out the sickness.

He is very supportive, constantly telling you you're going to be okay. He will stay by your side every single minute.

He will carry you around if your muscles are sore.

When you're feeling better, he will make you desert. For the days he has you surviving on steamed broccoli and rice.

Belphegor

This is actually great news.

He gets to cuddle with you all day, and you won't be able to escape. He can even use you as an excuse to take a day off. No work, no school, just napping with his favorite person. Every day should be like that.

If only you didn't have to be sick for it to happen. 

He doesn't know much about taking care of someone. Being the youngest one, everyone else always took care of him. But he doesn't like seeing you hurt, so he will try his best.

The best medicine he can offer you is a good nap in his arms, but he will try some of Satan's medicinal teas. If needed, he will get Lucifer to drive him to the pharmacy. 

He doesn't know a thing about eating healthy, so you will get a diet of chips, pastries, and candy.

If you manage to get better, he will whine about not having your full attention anymore.

Thanks for reading!

[satansaidnottoday]

A surprise meeting.

Info: Human AU, Lucifer's Mc, GN!Mc.

Summary: Satan and Lucifer want to make you an offer. Happens after this.

Warnings: none.

The sun wasn't fully out yet, barely rearing its head on the horizon. The streets were painted in soft orange light, and the morning frost was slowly melting. You already had quite a few customers sitting down. The café wasn't very popular, but it had a dedicated and slowly growing fan base. If you kept it up, you might not go bankrupt by the end of the year. 

You went outside to place the chalkboard sign that listed your breakfast deals, taking a moment to look at the sunrise. From the corner of your eye, you saw a familiar pair turn at the corner.

You leaned over the sign as they approached. "Ah, my favorite customers!"

"Good morning, Mc," the brothers said at the same time. 

It made you smile. Of all the siblings, they were the most similar. If it wasn't for the blonde hair and green eyes, Satan would be identical to Lucifer. They had to be related.

"What can I get started on for you?" You asked, opening the door for them.

"A ragdoll, please," the blond answered first this time. He walked over to the table nearest to the window. You found that weird; he'd usually sit near the play area. 

"A black coffee for me, please," Lucifer said. He waited by your side for a few seconds and then leaned closer to whisper. "Make his decaffeinated, please." 

"You got it." You lean closer still and whisper back.

He chuckles, which is the most you've managed to get from him. You count it as a victory and go back behind the counter to make their drinks. Black coffee is pretty straightforward, but sculpting the little foam cat on top of the ragdoll (which is just a dry cappuccino) takes quite some time. Still, you try to get it as perfect as possible.

When you made your way back to their table, Lucifer had it half covered in important-looking papers. You were especially careful when placing their orders down.

"Working from home today?" You ask him.

He groans and takes a sip of coffee before answering. 

"I simply never leave work." 

"Well, that can't be healthy," you scolded him. Pretending you were not running on four hours of sleep and half a stale catcake.

"You're one to talk," Satan teases, finally putting down his book to look at your foam art. 

You shush him with a fake stern look. He doesn't pay much attention, too preoccupied with getting the right angle on a shot of his book next to the coffee. The teenager had made his lair at your café ever since you let him in that first night. Some days he would arrive in the morning with a book and stay until you closed, holed up with a blanket in the play area. Your regulars all knew him, probably better than they knew you. Now that he had started to go to school again, you wouldn't see him as much in the morning. Still, he came in every afternoon to do homework.

Sometimes he would arrive in the middle of the night, and you would let him in without a word. He found his way to the cats and stayed there until he calmed down. Of course you would shoot Lucifer a text, so he didn't worry. He was a weird kid, but he was good. You'd much rather he crash at your place than run off somewhere else, and Lucifer agreed on that.

"So you guys are having a little date?" You asked them with a mocking tone.

"We're having a meeting, actually." Lucifer piled all the papers together, lining them up in front of him. 

"Interesting, with who?" You leaned on the table as you spoke. 

"You." Satan smiled up at you.

You pointed at your face with a lifted eyebrow. They both nodded in response.

"Well, I wasn't informed." You straighten up, patting down your apron. "I didn't even iron my clothes today."

"Take a seat, please. We have much to discuss." Satan signaled to one of the empty chairs by his side. He was obviously trying to sound more adult, but his voice was still in that awkward phase. Right in between a squeaky toy and a truck engine.

You looked around to make sure no one needed your help before sitting down. Moving the chair to the end of the table so you could face both of them. 

"Satan has presented a pretty convincing case to me, so I come as his representative." Lucifer took out his glasses and looked at you.

You stayed silent, waiting for whatever they had in store for you.

"Running a coffee shop is plenty of work as is; I've seen how early you wake up just to do the baking," Satan started. "And on top of that, you have to take care of an entire animal refuge."

"It's five cats."

"That's a lot to take care of when you're also running around taking orders and making coffee," he reported, quick on his feet. "You surely wouldn't say no to a helping hand, right?" 

"I'm not hiring help right now, sorry." You pulled the idea out from the roots before it could grow anymore. "I don't have the money for it, and even if I did, I wouldn't hire a fourteen-year-old." 

"You're right, he can't work here," Lucifer said, handing you a paper sheet. "But he can volunteer." 

"What is this?" You asked while scanning the paper. 

"A non-profit volunteer work declaration." He stated. "You're registered as a nonprofit, right?"

"Technically, but only the cat part. The rest is registered as a retail front." You tried to make sense of all the legal juggling you had to do in order to get the place opened. 

"If you fill in your organization's information, I can file that for you and get Satan registered as a volunteer for your cat refuge." He said, handing over another paper. "And if you could sing and date this, I can bring it to school in order to excuse him from PE." 

"Why would cleaning litter boxes get him out of PE?" You asked, baffled.

"Any volunteer work counts!" Satan jumped in, sounding pretty excited about the idea. "And I already spend the whole day here; I might as well help out."

"So? What do you say?" Lucifer asked, and they both looked at you expectantly.

"Sure," you said without thinking. You made quick work of filling out and signing all the paperwork.

They both looked at you, surprised.

"I thought it would be harder to convince you," Lucifer said with a stunned expression. 

"Don't be silly," you teased, standing up to go back to work. "I could never say no to free child labor." 

Thank you for reading ❤️

[satansaidnottoday]

Obey me! Human AU Characters.

More information about the characters in my Human AU.

Warnings: Child death, implied child abuse, talk of anxiety and depression.

The brothers

Lucifer:

He spends most of his day working, and then the rest worrying about his brothers.

Not only the ones that still live with him. He will visit Mammon, Leviathan and Satan on the regular.

He's constantly tired.

He only ever goes out when it's a family event or a work dinner. Diavolo tries every day to convince him to grab drinks with him and the rest of his co-workers, but he refuses every time.

His only hobby is drinking wine while he plays his records late at night.

Has an undiagnosed anxiety disorder he refuses to admit he needs help for.

Mammon:

When Lucifer gained custody over their brothers, he had already aged out of the system. They kicked him out of the home the day he turned 18.

He moved into Lucifer's couch, swearing he would move out the moment he got a job.

Lucifer convinced him to do a bartending workshop and that's how he got his job at a bar in the center of town. He only works there on the weekends.

He ended up moving to the studio apartment on top of Mc's Café. It doesn't have a separate entrance and only has one window, but it's affordable and Mc doesn't mind him being late on his payments.

Has some modeling gigs here and there. Recently got accepted into an agency, but hasn't gotten any important stuff.

Lucifer has offered him to put a good word in for him at his job, but Mammon refuses to accept his help.

He does take any opportunity to eat out on Luci's dime, tho.

He has a lot of free time he spends most of it pestering Mc for free food, going to parties and getting high.

Leviathan:

While living in the home he would find refuge in his anime and manga.

For his 14th birthday Lucifer bought him a cheap laptop and he filled it with pirated games. It was his most priced possession. When it broke he cried even tho he already had built himself a Gaming PC.

He came out to his family as transgender a few weeks after moving in with Lucifer. It was very emotional, he cried the whole time. His brothers were very supportive.

Got a job at a manga shop. Ended up as the manager because of how good he was at selling people extra stuff.

He streams regularly and makes a few extra bucks, but he's not big enough to make real money.

Rents a small apartment near the mall he works at.

Complete shut in. Only leaves his house for work or family events.

Has a lot of self esteem issues.

Secretly pays for Mammon's rent when he's behind.

Satan:

He's Lucifer's biological half-brother. Neither knew about the other until Satan was taken from his dad custody when he was six. He was the last one of them to arrive at the home and the one Lucifer spent the least time with before being kicked out.

He has anger management issues, which caused a lot of conflicts for him. He would regularly lash out at Lucifer.

Eventually he got help and learned healthier coping mechanisms. It's still a problem sometimes, but he knows how to deal with it now.

He works as a librarian.

He inherited a small house from his father after he passed. He lives there as he reforms it.

Has a garden he takes care of.

Loves going to the cafe and volunteers to help with the cats.

Has 4 cats of his own that he adopted because no one else wanted them.

Asmodeus:

He had a very rough life before ending up at the home. In many ways it was an improvement for him.

He enjoyed having a family that took care of him.

He would draw a lot, mostly outfits for his dolls. He started to make them out of scrap fabric and had little fashion shows with them.

He was a very beautiful child and everyone always remarked on it. But it was Satan that told him he had a real talent for design. That was the first time anyone praised him for something other than his looks.

It became his life goal to be a fashion designer.

When they moved together, Mammon got him a sewing machine. It wasn't the best, but with it he started to make clothes for all of his brothers and himself.

He made his own high school graduation suit.

When Lucifer took one of his suits to work for the first time he cried.

He was accepted into a very prestigious private fashion school. Lucifer insisted on covering his tuition so he could focus on school.

He still lives with Lucifer.

Beelzebub:

He is Belphie's dizygotic twin.

After Lilith's death he got really bad anxiety and ate as a way of dealing with it.

He would eat his nails, nibble at his fingers, and chew the inside of his mouth.

He had to get proper treatment to stop hurting himself. One of the things the therapist suggested was baking classes, since he had always loved cooking.

It helped him greatly, and gave him some direction in life.

He is now a culinary school student.

Lives in Lucifer's house and doesn't have plans to move out until after college. It was Lucifer's idea.

He started to exercise too as a way to burn away anxiety. He's part of his schools Rugby team.

Self proclaimed foodie with an Instagram full of pics of the food he tries. Has a top 10 restaurants for their city.

Mc's café is in there of course. He loves their pastries.

Usually follows Belphegor around when he has nothing to do.

Belphegor:

Narcoleptic.

He got extremely depressed after Lilith's death. He stopped taking care of himself and would sleep all day if allowed.

He had to start taking meds for his narcolepsy, but Lucifer was advised against giving him antidepressants at such a young age.

He went to therapy almost daily the first few months.

They tried to enroll him at just about any activity, but nothing caught his interest. Until they visited the planetarium and he became infatuated with the night sky.

Leviathan gifted him a telescope for his 13th birthday. It came with a book that detailed all of the constellations he could watch and how to find them. He still uses it every night.

He's a criminology student.

He wants to move out on his own, so he got a part time job at Mc's Café. He's saving up to hopefully move soon.

It is not that he doesn't appreciate everything Lucifer did for them, it's just he doesn't want to be bossed around anymore.

He resents his authority, but any time he feels bad he looks for comfort in Lucifer.

He's the only parent he's ever had after all.

The side characters

Diavolo:

He's Lucifer's best friend.

His dad is the owner of the law firm he and Lucifer work at.

He had a very privileged upbringing, but was mostly raised by nannies. His dad was always at work and he never met his mom.

He didn't have many friends because he found all of the kids at his school boring.

When he left for college, the same public one his father went to, it was like a bucket of cold water fell on his shoulders. Hearing his classmates stories made him feel like he was raised in a different world.

He wanted to help Lucifer in any way he could, even if his reasons were selfish. That worked well for them, since Lucifer is not used to people helping without expecting anything in return.

Diavolo lives near the bar Mammon works at and goes there regularly. They got high together once, which led to Lucifer and Barbatos having to bail them out of jail. It wasn't even that much, Diavolo was just acting out what he thought drugged people do.

When he heard about Levi's news, he did some investigation (one google search) and bought him a binder. It was too big for Levi, but he was still very grateful.

In his free time he likes to play chess. Not that he has a lot of free time.

Barbatos:

Diavolo's personal assistant.

Has been taking care of Diavolo since he was child, yet Barbatos doesn't seem to be a day older than 30.

Only Diavolo doesn't think that is strange.

He's very closed off and no one knows much about him.

He does enjoy baking a lot, tho.

Simeon:

He lives next door to the brothers. He was really surprised when he saw them all together. They shared a home for a short while, when his parents lost custody of him.

It was a money problem and when his dad got a job he was able to get Simeon back. He always wondered what had been of those kids.

He was very happy to see them all together and offered to help with the renovations in their house.

Lucifer helped him in the process of adopting Luke.

The brothers made him a surprise party the day he took Luke home. He was so happy that he couldn't stop crying the whole day, Solomon still makes fun of him for it.

He's a very successful author and makes all of his money out of that. He still helps out at Solomon's store from time to time.

He doesn't know. He can't know.

Luke:

Simeon's son. He was given up by his birth mother to his grandmother, who took care of him up until her death, when he was only five.

He spent the next few years bouncing around from relative's houses to foster homes. He met Simeon at a reading event for kids in the system. They had a really strong connection from the start and after some visits, Simeon started the process of adopting him.

He was seven when he moved with Simeon.

He had a hard time adjusting to the idea of actually having a home of his own. It took a lot of reassurance to convince him to unpack his things. He loved Simeon, but all of his experience told him he was going to be let down one way or another.

He wasn't a difficult child, just a very hurt one, and Simeon did his best to help him heal.

He didn't like the brothers at first, they were all too loud. He did end up warming up to them, but it took a lot of time.

He loves baking and sometimes makes cakes for Mc to sell at the café. They give him all of the money from those sales. It's his little entrepreneurship.

Solomon:

Simeon's best friend/Mammon's Dealer/General menace to society.

Owns a holistic shop as a cover for his drugshop. He only sells natural stuff, tho. All from his garden!

Owns the store and the house behind it.

He has a very keen interest in natural medicine, spiritualism and magic.

Very witchy aesthetic overall.

Has a pet squirrel that was actually just a really big brown rat.

Simeon had to tell him.

Her name is Mikey.

That's all of the characters that are currently part of this Au!

Thanks for reading.

[satansaidnottoday]

Twinning: part 2.

Part 1

Info: Human AU, Lucifer's Mc, Mammon & GN!Mc.

Summary: Mammon helps out with preparations for the party.

Every day you make up at 3am sharp to start baking. Nonstop measuring, mixing, pipping, and decorating until it's opening time. Mondays are the only day off, the only day a week you close down the café and take time for yourself.

Yet today you're awake at 3am on a Monday, bending over a DIY starlight curtain. And for what? Some kids you barely know the name of? Pity for a man who probably makes three times more than you? You didn't even know this family two weeks ago. And still, you keep gluing strips of LED lights together. It takes about two hours to be done, but it's beautiful and completely worth it. It takes another three hours until you've finished hot gluing starts into constellations on a navy blue banner. You would hang it up behind the glittery letters that spelled out their names.

You needed to prep just one last thing before the day. You know two things about these kids, one likes constellations, and the other will finish a cupcake in a single bite. So, a space cake it is. You would make it with leftover sheets, fondant, and cream to reduce cost. Making all the decorations for free was a lot on your wallet already. You got ready to have breakfast before starting when the doorbell rang. You make your way down the stairs, expecting maybe a delivery or a neighbor asking for a cup of sugar.

Instead, you find a man with messily bleached locks and the biggest yellow-tinted sunglasses you've ever seen. You wondered how he managed to see on a cloudy day.

"Hey! What's up with the door? It won't open!" He asks, before looking you up and down. Probably surveying the glue and glitter covering your old clothes.

"We're closed today..." You say, ready to close the door on his face, until you remember where you knew him from. The one very loud teenager following Lucifer around. "Are you Lucifer's brother?"

"Ya, Mammon, remember my name next time, I'm not just someone's brother." He says, indignant. "What even happened to you anyways?"

You would feel offended if you had any energy left for that. "Your brother."

"What?" He lifts an eyebrow, and you barely see it through his glasses.

"I'm making decorations for the twins's birthday," you explain, asking yourself why you are even entraining him.

"Ah, Lucifer did say something about that. But it's like a week away, why are you doing it now?"

"Because today is my only free day," you answer, patience wearing thin. "And I still have stuff to do, so..."

"Wait, but isn't that part of your job? Decoration and shit." He looked at you with a confused face. You felt a headache building up.

"No, I just rented him the place," you said sharply and opened your mouth again to say goodbye, before he interrupted.

"Since you're already working on your free day, can I have a caramel late? With soy milk, please." He smiles.

You close the door on his face.

"Hey, wait! I'll pay for it! Don't leave me out!" You hear him scream, but you just turn around and start going upstairs. He doesn't stop at all, just screaming louder with every step you take. "I'LL HELP WITH THE DECORATIONS!" He tries again, and you stop to think about it for a moment. "COME ON! I KNOW THEM BETTER!" He did make a good point.

After some more consideration (and some more screaming), you turn back and open the door for him.

"You're unbearable." You say when he finally stops screaming.

"Unforgettable, you mean." He runs his hand through his hair.

"Does this usually work for you?"

He does a weighting motion with his hands. "Fifty-fifty."

You let out a deep sigh, starting to understand Lucifer. "I can offer café con leche and leftover cat croissants," you tell him.

"Can it be soy milk? Please," he asks, tilting his head on what you think is an attempt to look cute.

"No."

He sighs this time, with fake exasperation. He looks at you pleading. You start to close the door again.

"Okay, I'll take it!" He says, launching himself inside before you can close the door.

He, in fact, didn't have a single problem gulping down the coffee with whole milk. Nor eating three whole croissants before even speaking.

"You got a nice place, how much do you pay on rent?" Of course he started with that. No thanks, no sorry for screaming my lungs off in front of your house.

"I own it." That was your only answer.

"Shit, really? You must be loaded!"

"I'm not, I just inherited it from my grandma. I had to pour all of my life savings and get a loan to open up the café. So I'm less than wealthy, I'm in crippling debt." You take a sip of your black coffee, washing your worries down your throat.

"Damn," he said, mouth half full of croissant. "That sucks."

You nod in response.

"You looking for a roommate? I can pay rent when I get a job."

"So, you can't pay rent now?…" He shakes his head. "So you would live here for free until you get a job?" He nods. "I'll pass for now."

"That sucks too..." He doesn't stop eating to feel bad tho.

"You don't like living with your brother?" You question, taking away the empty plate of croissants.

"It's not that, I'm just tired of depending on him."

"So your plan was to depend on a total stranger instead."

"I didn't think about it like that, okay?" He leans on his hands over the table.

You laugh and his cheeks grow red.

"Whatever, let's make festoons or something." He says, trying to change the subject.

"Ah, I'm already done with decorations," you admit.

He immediately stands up from his chair. "Oh well, then I should get going so I don't mess up your schedule anymore." He said, leaning down to grab his jacket, you stop his hand mid-air, holding his wrist.

"I do need help making the party hats, though."

He lets out an exhausted moan, letting himself fall backward. You're both sitting down on the floor, surrounded by cardboard paper and glitter stars. You had a system where you cut out the hats and decorations, and then passed them to him to assemble. In an hour, he has managed to finish a total of three hats. You had nothing else to cut, so you scooted closer and started assembling yourself.

"Come on, only six to go," you encouraged him.

He begrudgingly sat up again and grabbed one of the paper sheets to roll it into a cone. "This is so boooring. And your music is all old and sad."

You refrained from answering, instead opting to make conversation.

"How are you guys liking the new neighborhood?" You ask. You really wanted to inquire more about their family dynamic, but figured you weren't close enough yet.

"It's... nicer than our last place," he says. "It's safer, you know. There's kids playing outside and shit."

You nod.

"And you have some pretty nice neighbors." He looks at you confused. "I hear they will make you coffee even if you're annoying."

He scoffs. "In exchange for physical labor!"

"Oh, come on, it's putting double-sided tape on paper stars."

"It's abusive," he retorts, yet keeps on taping the stars on.

"It's for your brothers, don't you want to give them a cute birthday?" You ask with a playful tone.

"Of course I do! What I don't understand is why YOU are so invested in this if Lucifer isn't even paying for it."

He looks at you expectantly. After a few seconds pass by and it doesn't seem like he will relent, you stop to think. He is right, you have no stakes in this. So what if the kids don't have a nice cake and personalized decorations, it doesn't affect you. And it's not like they would have nothing. A lukewarm birthday party has never killed anyone. So why even bother? You would like to pretend you didn't know the answer.

"Heeeey!" He snaps his fingers a few times. "I'm serious, why are you so invested in this?"

"Because of your brother."

"Belphegor or Beel?" He asks, looking confused.

"Lucifer..." You admit.

"What? Why? It's not his birthday."

"It's not but this matters to him," you drop the finished Ursa Minor party hat into the box with the rest.

"How do you know that?" He insists.

"Because he looks so fucking sad!" You explode on his face. He backs up a little. "Sorry..."

"What do you mean sad?..." He asks in a smaller voice than before.

You take a deep breath.

"He looks so sad whenever he can't give you guys something you want, I can tell he feels bad," you say, putting into words a thought you've had since the day you met. "I know this is important for him, so I want to help him out."

Mammon stays silent, staring holes into you. After a few moments, he grabs the hat he was working on and keeps going. You both work in silence until they are all done.

"Well, you probably should get going now that we're done," you said, standing up.

He nods and follows you downstairs to the door.

"Thanks for the help, you can come back for your late tomorrow when the café is open." You hold the door open for him.

He nods again, but stays still, thinking. Finally, he turns to you.

"Thank you…" he says. You tilt your head, confused. "For caring for him, I mean. I try to, we all try to care for each other but, you know. He's the oldest and I guess we all expect him to care for us, so it's nice to know someone cares for him."

He quickly walks away, leaving you speechless at the doorway.

Feeling decent now. I tried something new with the writing in this one. Let me know if you like it.

Thanks for reading!

[satansaidnottoday]

Armistice at the library.

Info: Human AU, Satan's Mc, GN!Mc.

Summary: You have been annoying Satan long enough to get a date.

A/N: We do a little jump in the timeline here, we will keep jumping back and forth depending on what story I want to tell.

Monday was Satan's least favorite day. He had to sift through all of the books left in the return box during the weekend and make sure they didn't get damaged. They then had to be returned to their place on the shelf. Still, the smell of books and the soft silence made up for it. From up high on the ladder, he could see the morning sun slowly rising over the shelves and tables. It was such a beautiful view; it calmed him down.

Suddenly he got dragged, his ladder moving a full meter to the right out of his control. He held on to the railing for dear life. A less than dignified screech left his throat.

"Good morning, loser," you said, letting go of the ladder. 

"Mc, for fucks sake." He cursed you, coming down as fast as his trembling feet let him.

You laughed and sat down on your table, putting your books down and your feet up. Out of all of the regulars, you were the only one who would show up at 7 a.m. every single Monday. He wasn't a fan. 

"I could have fallen!" He pushed your feet off the table and looked down at you, breathing heavily. You loved how worked up he got. 

"I would have caught you," you said, grabbing his hand on yours. "I will always catch you," you said, looking up at him with your best dreamy eyes and soft, loving smile.

His whole face turns a lovely shade of red. His hand rips apart from yours, and he turns around, leaving for the counter with a huff. You watch him leave, waiting until he is sitting at his computer to start your own work. 

Ever since you returned to town, you have been going to the library every day to work. Partly because it was much nicer than the teacher's lounge, and it was right in front of the school. Party because you loved annoying the sexy librarian. You actually knew him from high school before you moved out. He was a hothead, you remembered. It was kind of funny to see him put up such a serious facade. 

The next few hours are spent grading papers and writing assignments. Every so often, Satan lifted his eyes from the desk and stole a look at you. Every single time, you winked at him. The last time he sighed so deeply, you could almost see the air leaving his lungs. You took the opportunity to walk up to him.

"Hey, handsome, mind scanning a book for me?" You ask, leaning down on the counter. You put down your copy of Lord of the Flies in front of you. "I need 20 copies of the first 2 chapters.

"You don't have scanners and printers at school?" He asks, turning the page in his own book.

"No, we're poor," you lied.

"Then I wonder why you're the only teacher who comes here to work." He lifted his eyes just to glare at you.

"Truly a mystery." You pushed the book closer to him. He took it and inspected it.

"You're having twelve-year-olds read Lord of the Flies?" He asks, looking at you weird.

"Why not? They can relate to the protagonists."

In reality, your first class of the day started at noon, and you had prepared no reading material at all. You had picked up the first book you saw in your bag.

"Let me check; I might already have a digital copy." He started typing on his computer.

"So reliable; I love that in a man."

"Well, at least this way, your students don't need to read your 'notes'," he said, making air quotes with his fingers. Behind him, the printer started working.

"What's wrong with my notes?" Your voice came out an octave higher than you expected.

"Let's see," he said, opening the book up. "We have 'Oh no oh no oh no'," he pauses to look at you for a second. "Just a bunch of 'damn', 'damn', 'damn', 'these kids are fucked up' and then 'poor piggy' sad face." 

You felt the heat rising in your own face as you took the book from his hands. "In my defense, those kids were fucked up."

He laughed at you. It made you wish the printer would work faster. You didn't like being on this side of the power dynamic.

"I should charge your school for all these copies," he said, stapling the copies together as they came out of the printer.

You snorted. "Good luck with that. They're already paying me with hopes and dreams."

He smiled, a non-malicious smile for the first time. "On that, we can relate at last."

"The woes of government employment." 

You stacked the copies as he handed them to you, and when they were all ready, you pushed them into your briefcase.

"Thank you, good sir." You offered him your hand for a shake, and he reluctantly took it. You pulled a fast one and bowed down to kiss it. Heat returned to his face, and the universe regained its balance. 

"You've got to stop teasing me," he sneakered, taking away his hand.

"Okay," you nodded. "Let's go on a date." 

He put a hand on his forehead, as if you were giving him a headache. "I said stop."

"Stop teasing. That's what I'm doing; I'm being direct," you explained, leaning closer to him. "Let's get coffee."

He looked at you for a few seconds, scanning your face for any hints of foolery. For once, you were being completely serious. He sighed.

"I'm free on Saturday," he said, looking at his drawers for something. After some shuffling, he took out a small magnet shaped like the head of a cat and handed it to you. "That's my favorite place."

"Café gatitos and cream," you read off the magnet. It took all of your strength not to laugh at how childish it looked. Instead, you nodded. "See you there at nine?"

He nodded back, avoiding your eyes. Without another word, he went back to work. You resolved to do the same.

Walking back to the school, you fidgeted with the magnet in your hand. You really couldn't wait. 

Thank you for reading ❤️

[satansaidnottoday]

Twinning: Party time.

Part 1 | Part 2

Info: Human AU, Lucifer's Mc, Everyone & GN!Mc.

Summary: Cute little party. A little short because I'm not feeling well.

"Your cat is trying to kill me!" Your assistant screamed from his stool.

You turned around to find the little orange menace (that you had nicknamed Cheddar) curiously pacing around him, occasionally reaching to scratch at his legs. To Mammon's relief, you walked over and retrieved the wild animal.

"What a brave man, facing a beast this size," you taunted him, as you gently pat Cheddar. He purred gently under your touch.

The fake blond scoffed. "For your information, I'm very brave! I just don't care about being scratched."

"I was talking to the cat," you said with a sideways grin. Red builds up on his cheeks.

"Hey! I'm no beast! You should be grateful I'm even hel-." He tripped, almost falling off the stool. You held out one arm and pushed him back to equilibrium. However, that didn't stop him from screaming for dear life. Cheddar ran away to the play zone for some quiet time.

"I already got you."

You walked away to let him finish hanging the lights. The cake was safely hidden away in the kitchen, and you had everything else done. The banner with their names was already in place, over three tables you had pushed together to make a single large one. You put a large blue tablecloth over them and laid an assortment of snacks, sandwiches, and sodas alongside it.

You even lowered the lights and closed off the curtains, so the LED constellation you made could show off.

"It's done!" Mammon announced, standing proudly and admiring his work.

"Well done," You pat his shoulder. "You should go sit down, it's almost time."

As soon as you said that, Beelzebub crashed with the locked door behind you. You turned around and opened it for him.

"Are you okay?" You asked, but he was already running inside and looking at the decorations with amazement. Somehow a bowl of chips made it into his arms too.

"Beelzebub!" Lucifer's commanding voice almost shook the walls, but somehow didn't have any effects on Beel.

"Lucy!" He answered, finally sitting down at one of the seats of honor you had prepared.

Lucifer didn't seem very pleased, so of course you offered him a party hat.

Quickly all the guests made their way inside, including two men around Lucifer's age who you didn't recognize. A muscle wall of a man who laughed very loudly and a smaller pale man wearing a suit. However, you were more interested in the smallest guest of honor.

Belphegor was riding one of his sibling's backs, like always. This time, [Leviathan] had the honor. When they came in, his eyes opened up wider than usual and he jumped down to the floor. He spent a few silent moments just walking around and looking at the lights with a tiny smile. You weren't expecting a big reaction from him, just seeing him enjoying something for once was enough. It made all the work worth it. Finally, he went up to Lucifer for a hug.

"I love it, thanks." He said, just loud enough for you to hear.

"Uh? But he didn't even-" Mammon started to speak, but you elbowed him before he could go on.

"Who's ready for some party games?!" You ask, ready to take over the role of host.

The two hours go by fast, and not a single second is dull. You learned a lot about the siblings that day, like everyone's favorite colors, which were listed out to you by Beelzebub at least three times. He really wanted to make sure you gave everyone the right hat.

You also learn that the big man's name is Diavolo, and he works with Lucifer. The other man was his butler, Barbatos, who proved to be very helpful. He picked up after everyone else, making it so you almost had nothing to clean at the end.

The highlight of the day, at least for you, was Satan introducing Felicia to his whole family. It was overall a good first impression, Lucifer even scratched her ears. Belphegor ended up napping with her for most of the day.

When it was time to sing Happy Birthday, you brought out the big guns. Of all the cakes you had ever made, this one was definitely your favorite. You had covered it in black, purple, and blue ganache, smudged together to get a galaxy design. All of the constellations and planets were hand painted with your own hands, and you sprayed edible glitter over the whole thing. You place it down in front of the birthday boy, with two candles and two sparklers on top.

"That's not a basic cake," Lucifer looked at you with those suspicious eyes again.

"I went a little overboard while making it, don't worry, it's on me." You smiled but he didn't seem to like that. Whatever, there's nothing he could do about it.

"Thank you, Mc," Belphegor said with his sleepy voice. It was difficult to believe he was a teenager, with how small he looked and how quiet he was.

"It's nothing."

You ruffled his hair and lit up the candles. Everyone started singing, including the twins. They sang to each other, which you found unbelievably adorable. When the candles went out, you didn't waste any time cutting up the cake. Beel would have surely exploded if he had to wait a second more.

While everyone ate, you made your way to the back to start cleaning some of the crockery. Your head buzzed and your body felt more tired than ever. But hearing their laughs, you thought everything was worth it.

Thanks for reading!

[satansaidnottoday]

Late night coffee.

Info: No romance, Teen!Satan & GN!Mc, Human AU.

Context: You recently opened your dream Cat Café. Just today a rather extravagant family moved to the neighborhood, and one of the kids seems to be out for a little cat visit.

Warnings: Mentioned physical violence.

It was almost 23:00, way past closing time. You were downstairs at the cafe to feed the three cats you were currently fostering. You were petting the oldest of them when a loud banging on the door interrupted you.

You answered, unafraid as always, ready to fight whoever was bothering you at that hour. But you didn't find a burglar nor a junky on the other side. Instead, a blonde teen stood there, shaking as tears streamed down his cheeks. One of Lucifer's kids.

That morning was a rainy Sunday and not many people were going out. The slow time had you dozing off a little on the counter. They came in when you were least prepared.

The moment the seven siblings stepped foot inside, the energy completely changed. What you could only describe as a sudden wave of chaos. Even the cats retreated behind their little safe area. A corner of the salon you had separated from the rest with glass walls; it had an entrance small and high enough that only the cats could enter it.

"They have cats!" exclaimed an overly excited blonde teen. He grabbed at the shirt of another, smaller, blond and pulled him to look at the cats.

The two older teens took a seat at one of your bigger tables. They didn't stop arguing a single second from the moment they stepped inside, something about money. Another kid, a redhead, stood in front of your pastry display with an amazed face. He repeatedly asked if he could get one, looking at the only adult you could identify.

The tall, lean man ignored every single one of his companions as he approached the counter. You saw a sixth (SIXTH!) kid hiding behind him. He smiled at you, and you just knew the man needed a coffee.

"Good morning, I'm Lucifer Morning Star. My siblings and I just moved a few blocks away. We're introducing ourselves around the neighborhood," he said. By the tiredness in his voice, you couldn't imagine that it was going well.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you," you offered him your hand for a shake and he took it. "I'm Mc, feel free to come over anytime you need a coffee." Which you assumed would be often.

The siblings introduced themselves one by one, as they ordered.

If you remember correctly, the one standing at your door was Satan.

"Can I pet the cats?!" he screamed over the storm outside. He looked pissed, but his voice broke in a desperate way.

You stepped aside to let the kid in.

He was drenched. His house was just a few blocks away, but with how strong the storm was, it didn't surprise you.

"I'll bring you a towel."

He didn't look at you and instead marched straight toward the cats, who scattered away from him.

You went upstairs to your apartment, unsure of what to do. You left him in because well, what else could you do when a kid came crying at your door at night. You couldn't let him outside, but you also didn't want to get in any trouble. You should ask Lucifer to pick him up, but didn't have his number. And calling the police felt overkill.

You resolved to at least make sure he didn't freeze to death.

When you went back with the towel, he was still trying to get the attention of a kitten. The little orange tabby had climbed up a cat tower and was taunting poor Satan with his unreachable cuteness.

"You need to be more gentle with them," you said as you threw the towel over him.

"I'm being gentle!" his scream just served to startle the cat and send him climbing even higher.

Satan's expression changed from angry to sad in a second, and it made your heart sink.

"You want some coffee?" You asked.

He nodded slowly, "With cream please."

You nodded back and got to work behind the counter. You turned the heater up, both the cats and the blonde thanked you.

He grabbed the towel and dried himself off as best he could, though his clothes were still drenched. Now calmed down, he sat on the floor. He didn't want to ruin your chairs.

He looked at the cats. The orange cat he was chasing was now waking up an older, white cat to play. The older cat started to lick the kitten as if telling him to calm down. The kitten seemed to understand. He laid down beside her and they slept together. He wanted to sleep with them so bad.

"Now, what are you doing on the floor?" You said suddenly, surprising him. You sat down at a table with two freshly made coffees waiting. "You already look sad enough as is, come sit with me".

He laughed a little as he stood up, out of embarrassment more than anything.

He sat in front of you and let out a little squeak, looking at the cat head you sculpted with the foam of his coffee.

"It's so cute," he said with a huge smile.

"Thank you, it took a long time to master the ancient art of foam cats you know? You better appreciate it". You said with an exaggerated pompous tone and he laughed.

He took a sip of the drink, secretly decaffeinated. He felt a little bad about having to drink the cat. You looked at the dry tears on his face.

"Will you tell me now?" you asked.

"Tell you what?" he played dumb.

"Why did you come to a closed café, crying to pet the cats, while the second universal flood is happening?"

He didn't expect you to be so direct about it. He hoped to divert the conversation long enough that the rain would die down, so he could go back home with some of his pride intact.

"I just had a fight with Lucifer" He sighed and looked down.

"About what?" As you spoke, you noticed Felicia, the black cat, slowly approaching Satan's side. He didn't seem to notice.

"Just stupid things," he said, anger taking hold of him again "He thinks he has a right to tell me what to do. I'm already old enough to make my own decisions."

Tears started to build up at the corners of his eyes.

Felicia made her attack, jumping directly into Satan's lap with a scream. Satan screamed alongside her. Surprise and fear immediately morphed into the most adorable face of adoration at the creature. She rubbed herself against his chest and he shyly started to pet her.

Feli was a very vocal cat, she was meowing and screaming between purrs with every show of affection. Satan looked so confused, having only ever seen quiet skittish cats on the street. But you could see he was definitely having the time of his life.

Finally, Felicia had enough love and laid down on Satan's lap for a nap. Her loud purrs still filled the room.

"She's adorable" his voice came out small and thin. He was trying not to move at all so she wouldn't leave.

"She certainly is," you smirked, enjoying the view of this angry, edgy teenager trying not to cry over a cat. "You could ask your brother to adopt her," you suggested.

Satan looked hopeful for a moment but then deflated.

"He won't let me have a cat," his voice turned sour again "he hates me".

You saw him choking down tears as he began to pet Felicia again.

"Why do you think that?" You ask. Maybe it was the usual teenage act of 'no one loves me'. But you knew too well that sometimes kids had their reasons to think that way, and you weren't about to invalidate his feelings.

He remained silent for a while. You waited patiently, the storm outside wasn't getting any calmer, so you had all the time in the world.

"Because he called me crazy," he finally said, his voice teary.

"Why d—" he cut you off before you could ask.

"I hit him but didn't want to hurt him. I always hit him before, but he never got hurt for real. He looked like he was going to kill me. It's just that sometimes I get really angry and I can't control it." he explained himself desperately, in one single breath. He didn't want you to think of him as some kind of delinquent kid or something.

"I get it, I get it, It's okay," you reassured him. He took a second to calm down. You waited until he looked better.

"And then what happened?" You asked, worried "Did he hurt you?"

He shook his head, focusing all of his attention on the cat.

"He told me to go to my room."

You nodded. "And you didn't."

"No..."

"Why did you come here specifically?"

He thought it for a few seconds, a serious expression on his face.

"You have cats."

You let out an earnest breathy laugh, caught off guard. He laughed a bit too.

"Let's make a deal," you proposed "If you give me your brother's number so I can ask him to pick you up, I'll let you in any time you want to play with the cats."

He looked at the table for a few minutes, deep in thought, before answering.

"Okay, but can you please give me an hour before calling him?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"Half an hour?"

"Fifteen minutes," you insisted.

He rolled his eyes.

"Okay…" he accepted begrudgingly.

You shook hands over your very serious verbal contract.

He chose to spend his fifteen minutes laying around in the playing area with Felicia. You heard him sneeze a few times, so you fetched a blanket for him. When you went back down you found he had fallen asleep on one of the puffs. You covered him and went to the front of the store to call Lucifer.

He answered after the second tone.

"Who is it?" his voice was breathy and tired. You could hear the storm strong and clear in the background.

"Hi, Lucifer?" you confirmed it was actually him and Satan hadn't given you a stranger's number. He made a grunt as affirmation. "This is Mc, the café owner."

"Yes, I remember," he says, his breath shaky as if he had been running.

"I'm calling to let you know Satan is in my shop, could you pi–" he interrupted you before you could finish.

"Oh thank god! I'll be there in a second."

He hung up the phone.

When Lucifer arrived the storm was finally dying down, yet he was completely soaked and panting. You would have laughed at how ridiculous he looked, if not for the complete desperation in his eyes.

"Where is he?" He asked as he entered.

"He's okay, he fell asleep playing with the cats," you said, guiding him to where Satan rested. He let out a relieved sigh.

"I'm really sorry, Mc. I really don't know what got into him."

You smiled as reassuringly as you could. "He just wanted to play with the cats, it's okay."

Satan was out cold, exhaustion had taken over after the adrenaline wore off. Lucifer picked him up with no problem. The rain had completely stopped, but you still lent them an umbrella.

"Thank you, Mc. I'll make sure this doesn't happen again," he said, standing on the way. Shame filled his voice.

"It's okay," you assured him.

"Thanks again, Mc," he said before leaving.

You closed the door behind you, left alone with only the cats and a floor full of puddles you had no energy to clean.

"Well," you said to Felicia, who sat on the table in front of you. "Seems we made some friends."

[satansaidnottoday]

Obey Me! Human AU.

I've been working on this AU for some time. I have a lot of writing for it that I want to publish here, so I thought I should write a guide to it!

I've decided to keep their names the same, as it makes for less confusion.

Warnings: Child death. Mentions of child neglect and abuse.

Brothers age and occupation:

More info about each of them here.

Lucifer: 34 years old, Lawyer.

Mammon: 28 years old, Bartender/Aspiring model.

Leviathan: 26 years old, Streamer/Retail worker at a manga shop.

Satan: 24 years old, Librarian.

Asmodeus: 23 years old, Full time student.

Beelzebub: 22 years old, Full time student.

Belphegor: 22 years old, Student/Part-time worker at a café.

Side characters age and occupation:

Diavolo: 35 years old, Lawyer.

Barbatos: unknown, Diavolo's personal assistant.

Simeon: 30 years old, Writer.

Luke: 12 years ago, Kid.

Solomon: 25 years old, Owner of a Holistic shop (he absolutely does NOT sell any kind of illegal substance, stop asking. Who are you? The police?).

Main Mc: is around Lucifer's age, Owner of a cat Café.

The brothers story:

Note: the term foster home is the nearest translation I could find. It's more of a permanent place of living for kids on the system, like an individually owned orphanage.

They grew up together in a foster home. The owners were in it for the money and didn't care about them. They did the bare minimum to keep them, like buying them food and sending them to school.

The parental duties fell on the older siblings. Mostly Lucifer, who was significantly older than the rest. The twins and Lilith were babies when they arrived, Lucifer and Mammon basically raised them.

They met Simeon there. He lived with them for a few months before his parents regained custody over him.

Lucifer managed to get a retail job before aging out of the system. It allowed him to rent a room in a student residence and enroll in law school, where he met Diavolo.

They instantly became friends, mostly through Diavolo's efforts. Lucifer was reluctant at first, but found that he enjoyed his company.

Diavolo convinced him to be his roommate. He didn't really need one, as his dad owned the apartment, but he really liked the idea of living with a friend. It was a bonus that it got Lucifer out of paying an exorbitant rent just to bunk with 4 other people.

Lucifer wouldn't sleep or eat much during that time, putting all of his time and energy into studying.

He kept a close relationship with his siblings, visiting every weekend and bringing them gifts when he was able to afford them.

He started to notice obvious signs of neglect on their younger sister, Lilith. He ended up fighting with his foster parents. He was banned from the house after that.

Lucifer made a legal complaint, but nothing was done about it.

From then on, Mammon and sometimes Levi, would make secret visits to Lucifer's place to tell him all the news and smuggle groceries and gifts back into the house.

He graduated with Diavolo's class, a full year ahead and with honors.

After graduation, Diavolo offered Lucifer a position on his dad's law firm, but he wanted to become a family defence attorney.

It was a few days after that Mammon came crying at their door.

Lilith had died. She had a lung infection their caretakers refused to treat.

Lucifer felt he was drowning. Tears wouldn't stop falling from his eyes, and he couldn't breathe. But Mammon was there, crying too. All of his brother's were probably crying too, trapped inside of that house. He needed to take them out. He couldn't let them there.

And so he didn't grieve, he held Mammon in his arms until he fell asleep crying. And then he got to work.

With the help of Diavolo's family, he started a case against the home, and a claim for his brother's custody.

He needed to prove he was able to care for all of them, and that included a place to live in. Diavolo lent him the money to buy a house big enough for all of them. It was run down and on the outskirts of the city, but it passed all security checks.

He could give it back when he wanted, no interest rate or pressure. The only condition was to work for him. Lucifer accepted without thinking.

Levi and Mammon helped gather evidence of the neglect they were subject to in the house.

With that and Lilith's death (and the help of a very well regarded judge who was friends with Diavolo's family) he was able to win the case in a year.

It was the happiest day of his life, and also the most exhausting.

He took all of them out for dinner, some of his brothers he hadn't had a direct conversation with since he was banned from the house.

It was the first time he saw them all happy in a long time.

They had a lot of hardships to overcome, but they were together at last.

About Mc.

The main Mc in this story is the owner of a Cat Café in the brother's neighborhood. Their café was the only decent place to eat at when they moved, so it became a regular spot for them. They develop a romantic relationship with Lucifer.

All of the brothers have different MC's that play roles in their stories, but this MC is the most present through the whole AU.

That's all for this post! The specifics of what the brothers did after that is in my other post. It goes more in depth about each of them.

All of the content for this AU will be under the tag #OB!HumanAu

Thanks for reading!

[satansaidnottoday]

Twinning: Part 1.

Part 2

Info: Human AU, Lucifer's Mc, GN!Mc.

Happens directly after this.

Summary: the twins birthday is coming up and Lucifer wants to make it special. You're determined to help.

Late in the morning, just before lunch break, was the best time to work on custom orders. Barely anyone came after breakfast, barring the occasional late coffee drinker. Working on your counter opposite the entrance, you wielded a variety of piping bags. You were careful not to smear the hand-drawn stars, pipping small planets on a space-themed cake. Soft instrumental music filled the room, only interrupted by the occasional meowing of your coworkers. They basked in the soft, post-storm sun entering the windows, purring and cleaning each other.

"What are you doing?"

You shrieked in surprise, letting out just a little too much red buttercream on Jupiter. Tuning around, you faced your unexpected visitor. Another Morning Star brother, a redhead, a little too tall for a kid but with a childish face. How did he even manage to enter without making the doorbells chime?

"Sorry, did I scare you?" He asked but didn't look at you.

You put on your best customer service smile. "No, just got a bit startled, that's all."

"What are you doing?" He reiterated.

"I'm decorating a cake."

"What is it for? Are you gonna sell it? Is it chocolate?" Without stopping his questions, the kid placed his hands flat on the counter, repeatedly jumping to look at the cake.

"Someone is having his birthday here tomorrow and he ordered a cake."

"Why does it have stars? My brother likes stars. Are those planets? How old is he?" He didn't stop, even to breathe, not leaving any space for you to answer.

This time, the bells did chime, as Lucifer stepped inside with a stern look. Riding on his back was the smallest of the siblings, looking around with bored eyes. "Beelzebub, I told you not to run ahead. What if you had gotten lost?" He scolded the redhead, who didn't seem to care much.

"I'm sorry, Lucy," he didn't even look up at his brother, eyes fixed on the cake.

"I told you not to call me that." Lucifer reached the counter and finally looked at you. "Good morning, Mc. I'm sorry for the ruckus."

"No matter, Lucy," you answered playfully. He didn't seem to find it so charming, giving you a dry smile. "How can I help you?"

"We brought you back your umbrella." He looked at Beel and gave him a little nudge. Just then you noticed the thing he was holding, as he placed it on the counter. A cheap plastic umbrella, covered in goofy cat faces. The art was your own, some of your best work if you said so yourself. You had various designs printed on school paraphernalia for the back-to-school season. A bunch was left over.

"You didn't have to bring it back," you said with a smile. "You can keep it."

"Are you sure?" Lucifer lifted an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm sure your kids would like it." You couldn't sell it now that it was used anyway.

"Well, how mu–" Before Lucifer could keep talking, the brother on his back spoke up.

"Lucy, can we get that cake?" It was the first time you heard him speak. He looked excited for once.

"Oh, I'm sorry, that's not for sale, but you can pick anything from the cake menu," you tried to offer.

"Do they have constellations?"

You shook your head. "No, but I have Galaxy cat cupcakes if you'd like them."

The kid nodded, less energetic than before. Lucifer lowered him to the ground and reached for his wallet. The redhead started to jump again.

"Lucy, they do birthdays. Can we have our birthday here? Please, please, please."

Lucifer took a deep breath, handing you the money. "I'll see."

With him closer to you and not dripping wet, you could see Lucifer's swollen lower lip with a small fresh cut. You wondered if that was what Satan was talking about. He seemed to notice you staring because he looked away. A little ashamed, you gave the two expecting kids their cupcakes.

"Go see if the cats want to play," Lucifer ordered and Beel didn't wait a second to drag his poor brother to the play area.

The moment they grabbed some of the toys, Felicia leaped to them, running between their legs at full speed. Lucifer smiled, seeing them start to play with the cat.

"You know, Satan really likes that cat," you say, taking your chances.

"He does?" Lucifer looked surprised "He doesn't really like anything." There was a sudden sad undertone in the man's voice.

"I can contact you with the shelter if... You're interested."

Lucifer turned around to look at you, browns furrowed. You worried you had said something wrong until he talked again.

"How much do you charge for private parties?"

The question took you by surprise. You had already forgotten about Beelzebub's request.

"Well, I usually charge a flat fee, plus catering," you explained, taking a small pause to think "but I'll only charge you for the catering."

"Why?" He looked at you like you were trying to scam him. You repressed a small laugh.

"You're my neighbors and I haven't given you a welcome gift yet, so this is it." You smiled at him, yet he still seemed uneasy.

"If you say so... How much will that be for nine people?" You wrote him a quote, including the items offered on the menu. He considered it for a few seconds. "How much for a custom cake?" he finally asked.

"For a small one, they start at about $100. It depends on the filling and the designs."

You took out a sheet with basic prices by size and flavor. He chewed the insides of his cheeks while looking at it. Though subtle, you could sense his anguish. You could only imagine how hard it would be to maintain a house and feed six mouths, all on his own.

"I do offer a free basic cake for birthday parties," you said in the most neutral tone you could. It was a lie, but you had a feeling Lucifer wouldn't accept it if you just gifted him the cake.

He nodded and took out a debit card from his wallet. "Can I make a reservation for March 11th? I'll pay it all now."

"Of course!" After running the card, you took out your notebook for reservations. "I just need the name of the birthday boy for decoration."

"Beelzebub and Belohegor," he answered, peaking at the kids.

"Both for them?"

He nodded, "They're twins."

"They look nothing like it," you laughed lightheartedly. He didn't. "So, how old are they turning?"

"Thirteen."

"So you officially will have a house full of teenagers."

The sigh Lucifer let out could only be described as a cry for help. You couldn't help but laugh, more as a sign of understanding than mocking. He looked up at the wall clock and straightened himself.

"Well, we need to go. Thank you for everything, Mc." He turned around to call on the twins, you took the opportunity to slip a card from the shelter with his receipt. "I'll call you later to close details on the reservation, is that okay?"

"Sure, whenever you can."

He nodded and directed the kids out the door, as you waved at them. Before they even left the front of the store, Belphegor was already on his brother's back.

"So he likes stars…" you whisper to yourself.

AN: Hey I'm back. Life has been fucking me and I'm having an existential crisis, so I'm back to writing for my comfort characters.

Hope you liked this! I decided to break it up in parts so I can publish them over the holidays.

[satansaidnottoday]

Quick question.

I'm gonna write a small introduction for each brother's Mc in the same style as this, and then keep building upon them from there.

Except for Beel's, they would all be first meetings.

[satansaidnottoday]

General appearance.

Info: Human AU, demon brothers.

Summary: Just a short description of how they look in my human AU.

Warnings: You can keep imagining them however you like if these don't fit your preference. Especially the heights, I know many won't like them.

Lucifer

Half Japanese.

180cm tall.

Short straight hair. Black but with a few gray hair sprinkled here and there.

Dark brown eyes.

Always has deep eye bags.

He has a tattoo of Lilith's favorite toy on his upper arm. It's almost never seen.

Uses reading glasses.

Has a very elegant and classy style. Even his lounge wear is fancy.

Often dresses in dark colors.

Mammon

Black, dark skinned.

185cm tall.

Long curly hair, bleached white. He circles between a few different protective hairstyles.

Light brown eyes that shine gold in the light.

Often wears sunglasses inside.

Has two lobe pricings and one eyebrow piercing.

Dresses in bright colors, mostly yellow, orange and green.

Has a very maximalist style, uses a lot of accessories and jewelry. It manages to remain cohesive somehow.

Leviathan

White.

178 cm tall.

So pale that you can see the veins under his skin.

Prone to acne and eczema.

Can't have pricings, they keep getting infected.

Straight brown hair that he sporadically dyes purple. Used an anime cut through most of high school, but has graduated to a bowl cut as an adult.

Dark blue eyes, kinda washed out.

Uses permanent glasses because he can't see shit.

Dresses in baggy clothes. Usually anime merch.

Has a huge collection of graphic t-shirts.

Doesn't own any accessories.

Satan

Half Japanese, half white.

179cm tall.

Short blond straight hair.

Light green eyes.

Uses reading glasses.

Has extremely healthy skin thanks to Asmodeus.

He wears calm earthy colors.

Thrifts all of his clothes.

Grandpa aesthetic and he is proud of it.

Asmodeus

Half Chinese, Half Northern European.

175cm tall

Medium length wavy strawberry blond hair.

Light brown eyes.

Has the perfect shiny spotless skin.

Has two lobe piercings.

Uses contacts because he also can't see shit.

On a daily basis he uses pretty conventional trendy clothes. When he gets ready for fashion school he is suddenly a walking high fashion mannequin.

Has taken over a great part of Beel's closet with his own clothes.

Beelzebub

White.

195 cm tall.

Very short ginger hair.

Has a sleeve tattoo he got for his eighteenth birthday. It's an abstract piece of art that has little things to represent all of his siblings.

Light blue eyes.

Lots of freckles.

He is the strongest one in the family. Basically a wall of muscle.

Owns about five different outfits he circles through.

Very simple, but stylish. Uses whatever accessories Asmo tells him to.

Belphegor

Has dark brown skin.

170cm tall.

Wavy black hair down to his neck.

Has a gray streak of hair right in the middle on his head. It's been there as long as he can remember.

If he could, he would exclusively wear fluffy pajamas. It's like a wearing a blanket.

Dark brown eyes.

Has a few big birthmarks scattered around his body. They are dark circular stains that look like spots. One starts on his neck and extends all the way to his left cheek.

When he needs to go out he wears comfortable baggy clothes. Doesn't care about aesthetics, but most of his clothes are dark.

Tried to have a lobe piercing but it closed off. He always forgot to put the jewelry on after his naps.

Friendly reminder that Beel and Belphie are dizygotic twins, which means two different eggs.

Thanks for reading ❤️