#Now Im thinking about it again. Cause I miss Boba :(

[the-stars-are-warring]

It's been like 4 years but My main stance on Fanservice is that the like. 5 minute sequence where Boba Fett comes to get his armour back from Din and proceeds to fucking Annihilate a bunch of storm troopers both in and out of armour is the best Fanservice Star Wars has ever accomplished by a Large Fucking Margin. that fucking ruled.

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

You beautiful Butterfly you ! You know I can not let the 450 followers slide without yelling CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! You deserve them and oh so many more of them!

I might not be around ( just yet, mind you, I will be back again stalking and all ) but this? I am so hopping on the celebration train with you.

So ofcourse I must add to the requests and see if you get to it ( or not, that is fine too cause you know, celebration!!!!!! )

I am not going with the man I love deeply, but with someone else this time, because well.... I love him too.... deeply ( much like other brothers of his teehee ).

Commander Wolffe x F. Reader

And the prompts? : 10."Youre lucky yuo got away with only a scratch." and: 6. "Im trying to fix your hair, so hold still."

As always, lub ya ! Smooches and huggles ( also from Boba and Jango ) and see ya soon ( or stalk ya soon )

Awww @ladykatakuri. it means so much that you reached out when you are going through things. Thank you so much love. I hope you find this enjoyable and what you were hoping for.

Love oo,

Can't Keep Doing This

Warnings: Injury, concussion, explosion, near-death, hurt, comfort, declarations, slight angst. I think that's it. If I miss any please let me know.

Main Master List   |  Star Wars Fic Roulette

Your eyes fluttered open, as you took in the ceiling above your head, only to be obscured by the medic droid flashing the scanner right into your eyes and down your body. You groaned as the light from the scanner practically blinded you. 

“Patient is fine, mild concussion. Patient will remain for one more day.” That’s all the droid reported as it hovered over to the next patient.

There was too much noise and too much light, you used your hand to block out some of the light, when you saw a hand reach over your head and turn down the lighting. You let out a sigh of relief, as you heard the privacy screen door close.

“You’re lucky you got away with only a scratch.” Wolffe’s voice boomed over you, you had a feeling he was doing it on purpose to make you realize how easy things could’ve ended for you.

“Isn’t that why you always call me your lucky trooper?” You teased, wanting to push his buttons. 

His brow furrowed as he looked at you crossing his arms over his chest, “You really want to test me, at this moment. You had no regard for your own safety when you pushed me out of the way of that explosion.”

You looked him in the eyes as best you could, “Wolffe … I … I couldn’t just do nothing…”

He let out a sigh of understanding, because the truth was if it was him, he would’ve done the same. Both of you understood there was something between you, yet, neither of you discussed it but you both knew. He was in love with you. You were in love with him. Truly, he couldn’t be that upset, because if it were he and he saw a grenade heading your way, he would’ve pushed you out of the way too. 

“Fine. But … you can’t do this to me … again …” he subtly gripped your hand, squeezing it tight, fighting the urge to kiss you. He wanted to show you how much he cared, how much he loved you but somewhere along the way you both decided without even a discussion you’d wait until the end of the war. Why? He had no idea. At the time it made sense, but now … 

“I promise,” you whispered, as you squeezed his hand back, “Really, I’m fine. It’s just a mild concussion. I still remember you, and your annoying habit of rolling your eyes.” You smirked hoping to ease his stress. 

“Well … as long as you remember the important things,” Wolffe looked into your eyes, saying all the things neither of you dared to speak out loud. 

A soft smile graced your lips as you looked at him, imagining what it would’ve been like to kiss those lips you thought so often about. You tried to get comfortable but the bun on the back of your head was bothering you more than you realized.

“What’s wrong with you?” He narrowed his eyes as he noticed you kept shifting your head. 

“It’s this stupid bun, it’s making it uncomfortable for me to keep my head back.”

Wolffe reached over without even being prompted to help, he gently lifted your head and started to undo the bun on the top of your head, the only problem was it felt as though there was a giant knot somewhere and it was hurting. You tried to shift your head to help him get a better angle.

“Would you stop, I’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still.”

“I’m trying but something’s pulling on my scalp, hold on.” You reached behind you and gently undid the knot that was causing you pain, once you undid it, Wolffe ran his fingers through your hair, loosening it as best he could.

“Better?”

You nodded, as enjoyed the warmth from his hands as he gently rested your head on the pillow again. You leaned into his hand when he didn’t remove it right away. Enjoy the way his rough hand  rubbed against your skin, the way the scent from his wrist filled your nose.

“Much better” you hummed in contentment, feeling the bed shift as he sat beside you.

“You really scared me. When I saw you go flying … I thought …” his voice died as he fought back the tears, “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t just act like it doesn’t matter, when you’re the only thing that does.”

You opened your eyes and looked into his, your hand reaching up to wipe away the tears.

“I don’t want to act like it doesn’t kill me not to be in your arms, or to hold you in mine. I don’t want to keep doing this either.”

Wolffe leaned down, smiling as he gently pressed his lips against yours, memorizing how your lips felt and moved against his. “When you get released, you and I need to actually sit down and talk.”

“Talk?” You smirked.

He grinned a mischievous smile, “Well, maybe a very specific form of talking.” He chuckled as he kissed your lips again.

Main Master List   |  Star Wars Fic Roulette

Tag list:

@liadamerondjarin @badbatch-simp24@spicymcnuggies@lady-ren @firstofficerwiggles @darkangel4121 @discofern @kavecika @monako-jinn-stories @ladykatakuri @avathebestx @theroguesully @furyhellfire66 @carodealmeida @ciramaris @sprout-fics @twinkofthedink @dindjarin-mandalorian @ulchabhangorm @littlemisspascal @tortor-mcgee @vodika-vibes @clonethirstingisreal

[hamhamki]

Okay, so, you know, as the *previous* Chigaya anti who is now a Chigaya lover; reading his POV changed my mind a lot more. The POV does feel a lot more shorter than it already is because the main story feels pretty short but the POV feel shorter and the progression feels sped up so the pacing is pretty ass.

Tha pacing for the main story is passable, the pov gives some better insight as to why things felt a certain way, but it was still entertaining.

Now that the first season for Chigaya has been completed because there’s surprisingly no epilogue, I will give my thoughts since I went through the stupid idea of talking smack lmao.

To remain somewhat spoiler free for those who are interested in reading, yes, I judged too quickly, I think it's really good. Chigaya and Togo's both feel like an Oopsie compared to the other LI routes, and somehow, that makes it feel a bit more raw.

Chigaya's personality is very polarized, and as someone who was put off by his release in JP, I think his route makes up for his attitude, and I saw liking him a bit more. In Kunihiro's, he was tolerable near the end, but I think his POV and having his own route does make him feel a lot more likable. Of course, the main story still leaves you on the fence since he comes off VERY strong, the POV also gives a lot more as to his thoughts and how he works so I'll admit it. I like Chigaya. Everyone is free to throw tomatoes at me and we most likely saw this coming LMAO.

That being said, now the spoilers will be up ahead as I'll go into deeper detail about what I think!

*CLAPS HANDS*

OKAY! SO!

I'm not great with reviews and I feel like I would have tk be sitting down across from you talking about this game over some boba or something but I digress. There's no format for this but I'll try to be as organized as possible and not sound like this a paper that's due in five minutes and jotting my thoughts randomly.

Length/Pacing

For one, to get it out of the way, once again the story feels a bit short and the POV feels shorter. I feel like we got cheated a bit with the POV especially, I would have liked to see more bonding more interactions with MC and Chigaya. Definitely more of a reaction of the MC finding out he was the IT that humiliated her because I could have sworn it would be at least a little more of a shock but she took it pretty well.

The pacing felt right in places and other times I was like where is this coming from??? The weeks that went by sort of felt like days and you would think that having two parts would have better pacing considering older voltage stories felt just right with only the main story. This kiss didn't seem rushed to me especially if we take in account the POV and how Chigaya feels so that, I could see that.

Characterization

This section I probs will talk a lot cause I do like his characterization here.

As you know, when Chigaya I was RAGING. His "IM SUPERIOR!!" attitude looked more silly and just like why?? And of course, classic Volatge tends to abandon certain characters or just whole titles in general and they do it pretty often and after just getting Togo I felt there was really no need to add another LI for this title. But I think it's safe to say: Chigaya should be the final LI for the title and I do think he's a good character now. He's more annoying in Kunihiro's route and it makes me almost question is the "villain" act that he puts on for the MC in his route the same for Kunihiro's? Either he's still putting on a front for whatever reason in other LIs routes or he's just quirky and thinks very highly of himself.

I'll never forget the part in Kunihiro's where Meguro just goes "Ugh, why am I the only smart person around here!" Because I feel like I'm missing something here considering he's popping up on monitors left and right. Unless maybe that was to build his character and make it seem like Kunihiro has an enemy.

I would like to learn more as to why he's very harsh to people besides that he possibly sees everyone at a certain pedestal that they should be. It was mentioned by Kunihiro that he doubts there will be a team that meets Chigaya's expectations. We'll most likely get more on the second season hopefully considering it delves more into his past because I'm pretty sure there some deepest lore lol. Also quick side note, why do these LIs got to have such tragic family pasts. Like what in the Bambi is going on 😭 They're either dead, fucked up, or never on speaking terms like is Kuranosuke and Shu's family the only ones that are alive and well?

He's aware people dislike him (adverts eyes) and he's aware he's rude up the ass so I wish they dove a little more into why but we'll see. My heart did hurt seeing how alone he truly is with having a robot to rely on and then seeing the MC run the opposite way when she spotted him and how he too felt hurt. He used to people ignoring him or distancing themselves, but to have someone just visibly avoid you. Yeah, that would hurt. Ouch.

Reading Chigaya's POV really saw him in a bigger and better light and getting to his mindset along with his actions definitely changed my view on him. For summary, Chigaya is actually very shy, avoids public situations, tends to keep to himself and sets his goal and himself on very high grounds. The amount of times this man tries to run away from Kunihiro is hilarious. He's like me for real and I sympathize with it a lot because I too think of three different scenarios on how to approach someone and what are three interactions we could have to prepare myself in socializing. What I find funny is he's never successful and someone so boastfully smart as he claims is so clutzy and practically his own villain. Chigaya CROUCHING to get out of Kunihiro's line of sight is so random and unhinged like bro... perspective wise he's going to see you 😭

Also Chigaya, be Kunihiro's friend this man is always coming up to you and he likes you. I instantly saw puppy dog ears on Kunihiro when Chigaya told him he was looking for him. Kunihiro seemed so happy yet Chigaya keeps avoiding the man. Anyway lol

His minor conflicts he has really also bring out his character and make him feel a little more realistic as well. He puts on this front only to be a silly, socially awkward being, sort of like a shield to those around him. One moment I really liked and found funny, a little bit endearing was Chigaya suggesting to a client to use a live feed of plants for the windows because it would be a hassle to take care of live plants, considering that the amount used in the booths were excessive. And after he made the MC upset and couldn't stop thinking about it, he ends up taking one of the live plants home despite not even taking care of his morning glorys he had as a project when he was young. I thought it felt so realistic and that parts really stuck with me a lot.

And usually I'm not a fan of the Clark Kent omg that's a totally different person what an amazing disguise type of scenario, but Voltage gets a star. I will say Chigaya's IT still vs his meta department one don't look that similar imo so it's not Revance Takashi put a hat and you're good to go LMAO And well, it HAS been six years and the MC has tried to lock that memory up so it feels all very valid.

Relationship

One thing I'm slightly confused by, is the progression of Chigaya's crush towards the MC. It does feel like Togo's where it's almost canon? Probably not as canon as Togo's but I feel like it could still most likely be relevant to either a certain extent or however the story plays out? Because does his crush start when the MC declares she'll challenge him and actually isn't put off by his rude and blunt behavior? And is that just the driving force? Maybe I would have just liked to see a little more happen between the two. It's like the main story lacked in some parts but the POV made up for it and vise-versa. That was just some two cents I had because already in the second episode of the POV he's already crushing pretty bad with her.

In the main story, it did come as a shock when he said the MC has a pretty smile with his soft eyes and I'm like damn bro who possessed you? This is pretty early. But know that we know he's been lowkey crushing on her... it makes a lot more sense now.

Not only is he insanely good at what he does to the point he wants to impress the MC but realizes easily when she's been hurt and would hate to be hated on again. The pov does a better job and unraveling that situation as in the main story it makes him look like a jerk but when in reality he just wanted to help not only her out but also have her attention on him but it backfires. And that part I think really helped in making the feelings a bit more believable too within their relationship. After humiliating her years ago, he doesn't want to repeat that same incident and it does have him contemplate to the point he bring home one the plants despite all he said. It was funny, realistic and a nice thing to read.

I would have liked a little more romance I won't lie or maybe something especially from the MC to have a bigger reason to like Chigaya back. It's clear when you receive the first CG upon entering his house, he has some kind of crush on her when she points out that he may like her instead.

Having the close call with her father did make MC come to a better resolve in her feelings towards Chigaya because he was there for her but I needed a bit more to get to that point.

The dynamic between the Mc and Chigaya is great and I'm a sucker for these type of banter relationships because it makes everything feel so much fun and just feels so good haha. I do like how they match each others energy and what Chigaya gives to the MC she'll give back without much hesitation. She feels a lot more stronger and assertive and I like how she's the one to confess her feelings. And then Chigaya just runs off like a weirdo like bro where are you going? I have read a bit of season two with my awful translator and the epilogue for that so far makes me like the MC a bit more in this route because she doesn't back down.

They added a few parts/interactions that weren't in the main story in his pov and I sort of wish we got a few others things between them but I'm just repeating myself at this point.

This is already so long and I'm tired but I'll probably share some more thoughts whenever loool but can we just say how Kunihiro is a menace too because he helped Chigaya have the production dept run around. I also love the fact that Chigaya isn't the villain it's Kunihiro because all Chigaya did was suggest things to him and Kunihiro is like "full speed ahead". That mini twist got me a bit shocked because from the main story pov it makes Chigaya portray the villain a lot more when it's just Kunihiro giving his stamp of approval and nothing nefarious is going on. That had me on the the of my seats lmao

Also I thought at first us punching Chigaya felt so unhinged and like I felt super bad to do that (even though none of that ends up happening) and this man says in his POV "I wouldn't mind letting her throw a punch or two." LIKE CALM DOWN GUYS

I can't believe I wrote all this for a 2d man that I said I would hate and now end up loving just a little more than Togo like... damn girl he got you goood. I really like it, to each their own, I think the POV helps a lot more understand him better and certain things make a little more sense.

Also IT Chigaya is super good looking or just him with his hair pulled back in a slight messy style like please... voltage ... give me more of that sprite please... I will suck your—

[someoneiloveatnight]

So sorry for the obnoxiously long streamline of thoughts:

GET YOU A FRIEND LIKE YIREN “i don’t fawn over your future husband” FINALLY SOMEONE WHO GETS IT

Crushing on him for THREE YEARS poor y/n 😭 not three years that’s miserable haha imagine calling a three year crush “a stupid crush” 😂 (actually me in high school… this fic is too relatable so far)

65 alone in a cottage in the woods actually DOES sound enjoyable, but yiren is so right that same scenario with minghao 🤔 she’s kinda a genius

“New, curated outfit” beautiful writing muah muah CURATED is such a great word

Yiren is so real. Her mind is always on the right things. Girl has a goal and is constantly thinking of a plan to reach that goal. God i love her

MINGHAO?! BOBA DATE so soon 👀

JUN AND THE YADA YADA IS SO CUTE IM GONNA DIE

The detail of Jun pressing his head back against the headrest at a stoplight is very important to me… it’s such a visual image idk it put in me in the car

This is so unimportant and unreleated but as i was reading i went to go listen to creep but i typed it in my apple music library not all of apple music and it pulled up in love with a creeper by danny gonzalez 😐 and equally unimportant i just realized the first time i ever heard this was in the new guardians movie

Yiren lost her voice at kareoke???? I love her

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself (i know i am) but obviously minghao loves her cause he remembered her jeans aND that she likes cola. That’s obviously love. They’re basically married already i love that for them

AH ITS THE SCENE ITS SUCH A GOOD SCENE

“You don’t want to be forgotten” made me take a breather that line was REALLY impactful for some reason

“The sorry i didn’t tell you earlier” MADE ME SCREAM FUCK THIS IS MAKING MY HEART HURT

NO NOT YIREN TOO I WONT RECOVER

I have a younger brother and he’s great or whatever but i want older brother jun SO BADLY

NONEXISTENT love life yn OPEN YOUR EYES minghao is so in love with her ugh SINGING CREEP IN THE CAR TOGETHER again, basically married??

YIREN COME BACK

YnynynynYN HE BASICALLY ASKED YOU TO MOVE TO KOREA FOR HIM??? MOVE TO KOREA FOR YOUR IDOL HUSBAND??? And your brother anD YIREN stupid i could hit yn right now

OH MY GOD WEEK IN THE KNEES SILENT SCREAM ALMOST FELL OVER YN HAS AN EX?!?! IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC WHAT

OH MY GOD IT GETS WORSE HE HAD THE PINK JACKET MINGHAOS PINK JACKET

WHY IS RENJUN LOOKING AT YN APOLOGETICALLY?!?! IF YOU TELL ME THAT HE BROKE UP WITH YN IM GONNA SCREAM… AGAIN

Of course minghao remembers renjuns name HES IN LOVE WITH YOU

Im gonna scream, HE TOOK YN TO THE POP SHOP AGAIN GOD HES SO IN LOVE WITH HER ITS PHSYICALLY HURTING ME

He’s going swimming with her… jesus christ proposing left and right and shes blind to it… WHERE IS YIREN

HE SENT JUN THE VIDEO HAHA IM LAUGHING so funny he wasted ZERO time

Physical touch in fanfics makes me feral. HES NOT JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF YOURE SWOLLEN YN GOOD GOD read a magazine HE WANTS TO TOUCH YOU 😭

MINGYU DOESNT MAKE THEM THE SAME AS YOU?!?! MINGYU?!?! Y/n i can’t do it with you anymore he’s so obvious

AnOTHER comment about moving to korea… yn… i can’t do it

TAKE PHOTOS FOR HIM OH MY GOD i’m realizing right now just how romantic-absent my life is. I’d so seriously marry someone if they were treating me like this

THE CAPTION IS EVEN A CREEP REFERENCE. YN AND MINGHAOS SONG- oh my god i swear to god i wrote that before i read yn refer to it as their song too. I SWEAR

Minghao has me screaming I can’t even articulate how angry i am at him right now.

I missed Yiren and her infinite knowledge. She’s so perfect

Okay okay okay i know minghao is like wildly in love with yn and i know that but also… YES YN FUCK AROUND try to fuck minghao out of your system PLEASE I LOVE THAT TROPE

Jun is killing me. HES SO CUTE

Minghao fight had me angry exhaling, but the Jun fight just felt like hot drama. I was like damnn. A brat?!?! Yes sis dish haha

YESYESYES IM SCREAMING I TOLD YOU HES IN LOVE WITH YOU YN

I love yn she’s so real for her emotions

jianing… flying to korea is so yiren level thinking…

CURSE THAT EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT MAN IM cryinG SO FUNNY

I might just be stubborn but… unpopular opinion Jun should’ve apologized first. YN TOOK THINGS A LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY… i GUESS but still he was mean

Jun and y/n are cute… love the sibling coffee date 🫠

No one is NEARLY surprised enough to see yn SHE FLEW UNANNOUNCED TO KOREA. Y’all are crazy

Im gonna die… zu i only have so much self control minghao…

THIS FIC WAS SO CUTE I CANT BELIEVE ITS OVER 😭😭 I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IT WAS A WHOLE OTHER WORLD AND IT WAS SUCH A PERFECT WORLD This really made me miss high school, idk

the letter — x. minghao x reader

i hope one word, one letter, will laugh and cry with you (the letter / ateez)

description. in which you’re jun's little sister and have been pining for a man so close yet so out of reach for ages. now, years later, when you see minghao all grown up, famous, and still making your heart flutter, you're not so sure what to do about your not-so-little crush.

genres. slowburn, fluff, angst, childhood f2l tags. idol!au, alcohol consumption & underage drinking, lots of arguments, Lots of pent up emotions oops, miscommunication, sorta hot headed reader, minghao is minghao and that is a warning enough fic playlist. w/c. 26k a/n. the smut has been moved to a separate post which can be found here! i had so so so much fun writing this! huge thanks to @gyuswhore bc em literally helped me through every step of the way & sat through me planning & switching around the events of the story a bajillion times, and thank u to @honeyhypen who read over this for me ^-^

ENVELOPE

To: Xu Minghao

“Why are you in my room?” Jun huffs, turning around to look up at you as you stand by his door. In front of him is a massive, yet unfinished LEGO replica of Hogwarts. You frown, glancing at his friend who lays on his bed with a phone up to his face.

He’s Jun’s new friend, and you’ve heard your brother talk about him but this is your first time really seeing Minghao in the flesh. Shaggy hair hangs loose over his dark eyes as he peeks over his phone and glances at Jun, as if to silently ask who you are.

“Dad says dinner is ready,” you tell him, feeling a little timid under the gaze of the new boy. He’s only two years older than you, but the only interaction you get with high schoolers is your brother, so you’re feeling shy. He’s a very nice looking boy, you think to yourself, but try hard not to stare as Minghao uncrosses his legs and sits up on your brother's bed.

Jun’s eyes soften when he notices you standing awkwardly, standing up and pointing at you as he says your name. “My sister—two years younger,” he explains.

“One point five, actually,” you correct him with a roll of your eyes, feeling more comfortable now that Jun is initiating something. Your brother laughs at you and ruffles your hair while Minghao stands up behind him.

“Ya-da, ya-da. You’re still two grades below, so it doesn’t really make a difference. Anyways, this is Minghao,” he says, pointing at his friend behind him who throws you a small smile and wave.

“I know,” you blurt out before you even have a chance to think, heat flushing to your face after you realize what you said and see Minghao give you a funny look. “I-I mean because Jun talks about you a lot,” you clarify, clearing your throat. “Y’know, he doesn’t have a lot of friends so when—”

Jun clamps a hand over your mouth and gently drags you out of the room as Minghao follows behind closely with silent laughter. “That’s enough from you. Watch it, or I’m never letting you talk to my friends again.”

“Friends? I think you mean friend,” you retort, looking back at Minghao who watches the two of you amusedly. “Are you sure you want to be friends with someone so mean to his sist—”

Jun flicks your forehead and you push his chest. “Shut up already! If you scare away all my friends, all I’ll have left is you, and you’ll just have to put up with me all day!”

“You’re right about that,” you say with a heavy sigh as you all make your way to the dinner table where your father has set out a meal for the three of you. Putting your hands up in defeat as you sit down at your spot at the middle end of the table, you glance at Minghao who takes a seat with Jun sitting between the two of you. “I guess I’ll back off for now.”

Jun scoffs. “You better.” The three of you laugh together.

Yiren rummages through your closet, and you frown deeply. “Hey! You better clean that up,” you warn, rolling off of your bed and onto the floor, lazily standing up.

“I’m helping you pick out a nice outfit! You said Minghao is coming ri—” You scramble to your feet to slap a hand over Yiren’s mouth, eyes wide.

“Shut up! My brother’s room is right there—he might hear you!”

Yiren rolls her eyes, nudging your hand off her mouth with a huff. “Oh my god, don’t tell me you haven’t told him yet.”

“What?” you narrow your eyes at her, grabbing one of your bras that she threw onto the ground and stuffing it back into your closet. “You thought I was going to tell Jun that I have a crush on his best friend?” you half whisper, half yell.

“Uh, why wouldn’t you? You’re seriously missing out on your chance to have him help you get with Minghao.”

You scoff, looking down at all the clothes strewn across the floor. “Have you met my brother? He would flip if I even mentioned being with a guy, let alone that guy being two years older and his friend.”

“You don’t know that,” Yiren retorts, throwing herself onto your bed leaving you to clean up the mess she made.

“Yes I do. This is how I can tell you don’t have any brothers …”

“Well if you never make a move on Minghao, how are you ever going to get him? You gotta start somewhere, and maybe your brother is the first nut you gotta crack to get there.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t exactly planned on making any moves,” you mumble, reaching down to pick up a cute pink jacket you haven’t seen in a while.

“Uh, why not?” Yiren piques, sitting upright on your mattress.

“Excuse me, have you looked at Minghao?” you groan, slumping against your wall with the jacket in your hands. “He’s so … cool, and popular, and handsome,” you gush, and Yiren makes a disgusted face.

“Uh, no, sorry I don’t fawn over your future husband, so I don’t really look at Minghao but—”

“And he’s going to be a senior! Why would a senior ever go for—” you look down and gesture at yourself, “—me.”

“You’re seriously downgrading yourself—you know you’re a catch.”

“Yeah, not for someone like him,” you snort, flopping down onto your bed next to her. “It’s whatever, it’s a stupid crush anyways.”

“Yeah,” Yiren says flatly. “You’ve only been crushing on him for like three years—hey! Don’t hit me!”

“Then stop saying this stuff,” you groan, throwing a pillow onto her head.

“Okay fine, I’ll stop. So are you going to wear that?” she asks, pointing at the jacket you left at the foot of your bed.

“Yeah, I think I will. It’s cute right?”

“Mhm … bet Minghao will totally like it and—”

“Yiren, shut up,” you giggle, pushing her again as you roll off the bed. “Okay, so the pink jacket and these jeans?” you ask, picking one pair off the ground and holding it up for her to see.

“Mm, no,” she says while shaking her head, standing up to join you as she looks at all of the clothes she threw across the floor. “Let’s see …” she hums to herself.

“Yiren,” you say with a laugh, “I think you’re putting more thought into this than me.”

“Well I can’t just let my best friend be single and lonely for the rest of her life! If all you do is sit around and listen to Radiohead, you’re going to end up being sixty-five and alone in some cottage in the woods.”

“Hey! That actually seems pretty peaceful,” you try to object, but Yiren narrows her eyes in your direction.

“Okay well,” she drawls out, putting her hands on your shoulders so you’re right in front of her, “Imagine being sixty-five and living in a cute cottage in the woods with Minghao. Sounds better, doesn’t it?” You can’t help the giddy grin that makes its way onto your face when Yiren says that, and she punches your shoulder lightly when she notices. “See, you do want that! So just listen to me, okay?”

“Okay, okay, fine! Just tell me which jeans to wear.”

She looks down, picking through the denim before pulling out a light blue one with little flowers embroidered on the pockets. “Look, this is cute. It’ll match with the jacket.”

You nod along, not questioning her because as far as you know, Yiren’s fashionable instinct stretches much further than yours and whatever she says about this must be true. As you change from your pajamas  into your new, curated outfit, Yiren sits back on the bed and grins widely.

“Looks perfect on you. Minghao will love it.”

“You think?” you pique, looking at her with bright, beaming eyes.

She winks at you and you jump up and down on the balls of your feet at the excitement. “I want at least 25% of whatever you get from your wedding gifts. You both will owe me big time.”

“I’ll believe it when it happens … Anyways, you ready to go? Let’s wait downstairs and get some pop while we wait for Minghao to come,” you suggest, Yiren agreeing with a nod as she bounces behind you. Jun, it seems, is still in his room waiting for his friend, so you stick your head through his door. “We’re going down to snack a little. Wanna come?”

Your brother shrugs, pushing himself off his swiveling chair to join you. “You know if we still have those cupcakes? The ones you made last week?”

“I think we have a few left. Why? You liked them?” you exclaim happily, turning around to face Jun as the three of you settle in the kitchen. You reach for a box you kept on the island, popping off the lid to show him.

Jun grins and pulls one out and you offer one to Yiren who stands beside you. “‘course I like them,” he says with his mouth stuffed with cake and cream.

Yiren, shooting a look of disgust his way, says, “Ew! Please don’t chew and talk, that’s gross.” Jun rolls his eyes at her as Yiren stuffs her own face with the cupcake, sighing as she digs in.

“Whatever,” Jun grumbles after swallowing it down. “They taste really good, you should make them more.”

Yiren nods, tapping your shoulder, “Agreed. Send me the recipe too,” voice muffled as she continues to munch down on the cupcake.

“Didn’t you just tell me not to eat with my mouth full?” Jun mutters, crossing his hands over his chest. You laugh at the banter and suddenly you hear the doorbell ring, ears perking up. “That’s probably Minghao—I’ll get the door.”

As your brother makes his way down to the foyer, you turn to look at Yiren. “I would give you the recipe but I don’t want to be the reason your house burns down. Seriously, remember the last time you tried baking and—”

“Oh my god, is the recipe what you’re thinking about right now? Minghao is just about to come—offer him a cupcake! Show him your amazing baking skills and show him what a good housewife you can be!”

You give your best friend a look of bewilderment. “What the hell Yiren,” you groan, slapping your hand on your face, trying to hold back your chuckles. “Okay, I’ll give it to him but only because I want him to be impressed. Not because I want to submit myself to misogyny for the sake of a man.”

“Okay fine but—look!” she exclaims in a hushed whisper. “He’s here!” You immediately straighten your back and smile when Jun walks back into the kitchen with Minghao. He’s wearing some loose jeans and a black hoodie, his hair longer than before.

He says your name when he sees you, throwing up a wave and a smile. Minghao then glances at Yiren with a blank stare, pursing his lips together. Yiren chuckles nervously and clicks her tongue while pointing at herself. “Yiren.”

“Ah. Hi Yiren,” he says politely.

“You guys want some pop?” Jun offers when he opens up the fridge. Yiren, Minghao, and you nod happily and respectively call out your choices.

“Sprite!”

“Cola!”

“Cola!”

Jun juts his lip out in a pout when he turns back to the three of you. “I wanted Cola too, but there’s only two left.” You’re about to furrow your brows and tell him that it’s okay, you don’t really want any, but Minghao speaks up before you.

“She can have the Cola, I don’t mind,” he says casually, grabbing one can from Jun and handing it to you with soft eyes. “Here.”

“Are you sure? I don’t really care for the difference between Sprite and Cola and—”

Minghao chuckles and shakes his head, and you think you might just pass out when your palm brushes against his knuckles when he eases the cold can into your hand. “Seriously, it’s fine,” he tells you. You glance at Jun and Yiren who are busy opening their own cans, turning your attention back to Minghao.

“Thank you … Uh, do you want a cupcake? I made some a while ago and we still have some left,” you offer, holding up the box to him.

“It’s the last one. Are you sure?”

“How the tables have turned,” you laugh, and Minghao cracks a bright smile at that and holy crap, if you weren’t so busy trying to keep your composure, you’d be freaking out over how handsome he looks when he smiles. “‘course you can have it. I’ve had plenty of them,” you admit sheepishly as he reaches for the cupcake and brings up to his mouth.

“Holy shit. I don’t blame you for eating a lot—if I had these in my house they’d be gone in like an hour.”

“Right!” Yiren agrees, and you can’t help but chew on your bottom lip when you smile from the praise.

“Guess this is just a sign for you to make more, huh,” Jun says, walking to stand next to you to lean on your shoulder.

“Uh-uh! You gotta reimburse me somehow,” you protest, looking up at your brother with a firm expression.

“Please make more, they’re really good. I’ll buy you boba if you make more,” Minghao chimes, and it’s safe to say you don’t expect it from the way you cough on your own saliva. Yiren laughs at your reaction, and Jun only looks at you weirdly when you nod in agreement.

“Oh, so you’ll make cupcakes when he asks but not for your dear older brother?”

You roll your eyes, saying, “He offered to buy me boba! You know I can’t turn that down.”

Jun huffs in faux irritation, digging his hand into his pocket to fish out his keys. “Ya-da, ya-da. Anyways, would anyone other than my super fake, mean, evil sister like to go to karaoke now?” he asks playfully. All it takes is one glare and pulling on his hair for a few seconds to have him shouting out apologies as the four of you make your way to the car garage.

The ride to the karaoke place is short with Jun in the front and Minghao sitting in the passenger seat next to him. You and Yiren pile into the back, and the three of you scroll through your phones to decide what songs to sing later while Jun drives.

“I get to sing Creep, right?” you ask excitedly, bouncing up and down in your seat.

“How’d I know you were going to bring up Radiohead,” Jun mutters, pressing his head back into the head rest when he stops at a red light, while Minghao turns in his seat to look back at you with wide eyes.

“You like Radiohead?” he asks with a small smile.

The corners of your lips are lifted and your face brightens when you nod vigorously. “Yeah I do!”

“I think ‘like’ would be an understatement. I’m like 99% sure Thom Yorke lives in her skin or something because what she has for Radiohead is a lot more than just ‘like,’” Yiren says.

“No way, I love Radiohead,” Minghao tells you. Holy shit. So Minghao is attractive and nice and smart and pretty much perfect at everything and he enjoys Radiohead? You might go insane.

“Really?” Your eyes are wide with your jaw hanging open, leaning forward in your seat.

You hear Jun groan from the driver’s seat, and both you and Minghao shoot him a dirty look. “I forgot both of you are obsessed with Radiohead. Seriously, could either of you get more emo?”

“If you weren’t driving right now, I’d strangle you,” Minghao says bluntly before looking back at you. “Anyways, what’s your favorite song?”

“Junnie, please, can you put on Creep now? You know I’ve been waiting forever,” you plead, holding your hand out to the microphone that’s in your brother’s hand. The room is dark and lit up with red and blue LEDs across the border, making the room glow purple.

“But I want to sing another round of Taylor Swift!” he protests, pointing at the big screen in front of you while clutching the microphone close to his chest. You scoff, poking his side. “You know I’m not ticklish, so that doesn’t work.”

“You’re not ticklish? How?” Yiren exclaims, looking at Jun with wide eyes.

You turn to squint at her. “He’s weird. I thought we already established this.”

“Hey!” Jun whines. “See this is why you won’t be getting to sing Creep tonight.”

“Jun!” you cry out, and you’re about to pull out a string of complaints and curses, but then Minghao is stepping in, pointing at you.

“Put on Creep. She’s been asking for a while and I want to sing it too,” he says. Jun is quiet for a moment before sighing and handing you the microphone which leads you to puffing up your chest and smiling proudly.

“Thanks,” you chirp gleefully, as Minghao holds his own microphone up to his lips.

When he smiles at you, it’s kind and sincere in such a way that it has your heart swelling under your pretty pink jacket. Minghao coolly points at Yiren who sits by the control tablet. “Creep. Hit it.”

The air inside your house is warm as you skip down the hall and down the stairs. When the bell rang the first time, you thought it was just some package but when you hear it ring twice, you think otherwise.

When you peek through the little peep-hole, you jump up and down on the balls of your feet, a mix of excitement and nerves pools at your stomach. You open the door and Minghao shuffles in front of you at the doorstep. You haven’t seen him in a few weeks, and his hair looks shorter. “Did you cut your hair?” you ask the seventeen year old as you move to the side so he can step in.

“Yeah, it was getting in my eyes too much,” he tells you with a nod, a small puff of vapor coming from his lips. It’s cold, and you hear him inhale a breath of relief when you close the door behind him. “Thought the door was never gonna open. I was freezing my ass off,” he says, unwinding the brown scarf from his neck.

“‘m sorry,” you reply sheepishly as he takes off his shoes, following you through the foyer. “Jun didn’t tell me you were coming so I was in my room. He’s still out with my dad, but he’ll be back soon.”

“That’s fine.” Minghao shrugs off his puffer jacket, placing it on the coat rack while you make your way to the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink? It’s cold outside, so I can make some hot chocolate. Jun got the nice kind from the cafe down the street.”

“That’d be great, thanks,” he says, sitting down at one of the stools in front of the kitchen island as you take out some milk and hot chocolate powder. It’s silent, and you chew your lip while thinking about how this is the first time in a really long time that you and Minghao have been alone together.

Nearing the end of his twelfth year in high school and just like the first time you met him, he’s as enticing as ever. Dancing competitions with Jun, left and right, smart and respectful with the teachers, popular among the students—you're lucky you get to talk to someone as cool as him, even if it is only on the account that you’re his best friend’s little sister.

“How’s high school?” he asks casually as you boil some milk over the stove.

“It’s alright … English is still hard as ever,” you admit, dropping the powder into the frothing milk.

Minghao chuckles softly when you turn around to face him, and a small smile makes its way onto your lips. “Yeah, it was never my strong suit either. You still friends with … what’s her name? Sorry, I’m not good with names—the girl who lost her voice at karaoke when she came with us?”

“Yiren?” you giggle softly, recalling the memory. “Yeah. Still friends, still as loud as ever,” you say with a sigh, mixing the milk as it turns light brown. “How are things with you? Jun’s been telling me the dance practices you guys have is pretty intense. He always looks like he could eat a horse when he comes home.”

“That’s good to hear, and yeah, it’s all going good. It is pretty tiring, but it’s a lot of fun,” Minghao replies, stretching his arms behind his back as you pour out the hot chocolate into two mugs, bringing it over. “Thanks,” he murmurs, grabbing from your hand sitting down at your regular spot, one extra chair seated between the two of you as always.

Arm’s length, you think for a moment, before shaking yourself of the thought. “I’m sure the practice is paying off though—seems like Jun is always talking about some new kinda competition or something.”

“Mhm,” Minghao hums, taking a sip of the hot cacao. “This is really good, thank you,” he says with a soft smile, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel some sort of giddiness erupt in your stomach. “I think … I think we can really take it somewhere—our dancing.”

It’s a sparing thought that Minghao and Jun’s dreams are far beyond yours, and you have a bit of a difficult time trying to understand what he means by somewhere and if that somewhere includes you or not.

“You’re going to Korea?” your eyebrows furrow as you glance between Jun and your parents.

“Nothing’s finalized yet—” your mother says, but when Jun’s eyes flicker between you and the ground, you already know that this is set in stone.

“Yes it is.” Your voice is small when the words come out. “You—” you take a deep breath, “—you’re going.”

“Not now, of course,” your dad says, patting your back as he stands up, your mother following suit. “Talk for a few minutes, yeah?” he says as both your parents walk out. When your whole family walked into your room ten minutes earlier to tell you they had big news, you weren’t sure what you were expecting, but it certainly was not this.

And now you’re sitting with your brother on one end of your bed while you’re curled up against your pillows on the other, unable to meet his gaze.

“When are you going?” you ask quietly, finally breaking the silence.

“August.”

“That’s in a month and a half,” your shoulders deflate as you say it. “How long?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.” You bury your face in your hands in hopes that it’ll muffle your cries. It doesn’t.

Jun scoots over to you quickly when he sees your shoulders shake, one arm going around your back to pull you close to his body, but you still can’t bring yourself to look at him. “How are you going to do it?” you blubber as your brother pats your back. “You can’t just go to a whole different country alone and—”

“I won’t be alone. Minghao is coming with me,” Jun tells you quickly. Now that brings your head up. You don’t care that your nose is snotty and that your hair is all over the place and that your face burns, you just need to see the look on Jun’s face to see that he isn’t messing with you.

The way his own eyes are glossy gives you your answer. “Y-you both got accepted into tha-that company?”

Jun nods. “We applied together.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were applying? I-I would’ve understood. You could have given me more time to process this and—” You look down at your hands, “Fuck,” you mutter to yourself, not finding the words in your throat.

“We didn’t even know if we would get accepted. Me and Minghao promised each other that we’d only follow through with it if both of us got in and we didn’t think that there’d be a high chance of that because it’s so competitive … I only told Mom and Dad because until we got the acceptances, I really didn’t think it was going to actually happen.” You gulp at his words, trying to let it all sink in.

“I think … I think I just need to go on a walk. Take a breather, y’know,” you mutter under your breath as you stand up. Just as you're about to walk away, you stop yourself, looking back at Jun who stares down at his hands. You don’t think twice before wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. “I’m really proud of you,” you say quietly before rushing out of your room and down the stairs.

You shove your feet into some slippers in the foyer, rushing out onto the street soon after. You aren’t sure what you’re doing or where you’re headed, but you continue to trudge along the sidewalk until you’re walking down the main road.

The summer air is hot and stuffy, and you wonder if you feel so suffocated because of the sun’s onslaught or because of thoughts that run through your head. It’s surrounding you, breathing it in, it fills your lungs, courses through your veins, rushes to your brain—you don’t know what it is, but it’s uncomfortable and has you dizzy and your vision foggy.

You lean against a thick lamppost next to you, hands on your knees as you knit your eyebrows together as sweat beads down your forehead. What the fuck, you think as you breathe in through your nose.

You hear your own name bounce around in your head, and the sound only grows louder and louder until you’re muttering under your breath, telling yourself to shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. And there are tears in your eyes but you furiously wipe them away because while you don’t mind crying, you do mind crying if you don’t know why.

And fuck, there’s that voice again, your name echoing over and over again until it’s growing lowder and ringing in your ears. You think you might start crying again until the voice sounds familiar and you’re whipping your head up and standing straight when you see a car pull up to the curb next to you.

“Fuck my life,” you mumble to yourself when you see Minghao in the driver’s seat of the car. He rolls down the window and god, he looks so pretty with his hair back and upper body fit into a loose yellow shirt.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asks you, brows pinched into a concerned expression as he looks at you, face flushed and sheen from sweat.

“I—” You’re about to smile at him and let the giddiness of having your crush talk to you take over, but then the words get caught in your throat when you remember the whole reason you’re out here. “—I’m just going on a walk.”

“In this heat?” He raises a brow at you. “Where to? Let me give you a ride. You don’t look too well.”

“Nowhere really,” you say with a shrug. “Actually, I might just head back home,” you rush out, turning on your heel to walk in the other direction so Minghao can’t pry any further, but he stops you.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he calls out, and you don’t have the willpower to ignore him. “Let me drive you home then. Seriously, you don’t look well—like you look like you’re ‘bout to pass out and shit—so just get in the car, please?” He says the last part with some sort of beggary etched onto his face and you just can’t deny him. Not now, not ever.

Pulling the door open, your limbs feel heavy as you climb into the car, air much cooler and fresher than outside. Leaning your head against the headrest, you let your eyes flutter shut as Minghao starts the car.

“Are you seriously okay? You look—”

“Sick, I know. I look sick,” your grumble, eyes still shut. You wonder if you should tell him Jun just told you everything.

“I’m sorry,” and you can tell from the way his voice doesn’t waver that he means it.

“Jun told me about Korea.”

“Oh.” Yeah, very big oh. “Just now?” You nod. “Is that why you were out here?” You nod again, finally opening your eyes.

“Hey, this isn’t the way to my house.”

Minghao keeps his eyes on the road. “C’mon, let’s get some pop,” he says, ignoring your statement and driving into the parking lot of a convenience store. He unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out his end, not saying a word, and you figure that you have no other choice but to follow.

Any other situation and you’d be grinning about spending some time alone with Minghao, but after hearing Jun tell you that he’s going to be traveling hundreds of miles and flying over borders within the next two months has your stomach churning in a way you don’t like.

You don’t know if you want to spend all the hours of the day with Jun and Minghao, or if you want to crawl up in your bed and pretend they don’t exist so it’ll hurt less when they’re gone. You feel stupid for thinking like this—you know it’s going to hurt either way.

You’re lost in your own thoughts as you walk into the store after Minghao, only snapped back into the present when he says something to you. “Hey, those are your jeans that you wore when we first did karaoke right?’

You blink once and then twice before looking down at your pants. They were those same jeans. “Yeah, how’d you know?” you ask him incredulously, and Minghao chuckles as he reaches into the cooler and pulls out a pink popsicle.

“I remember the flowers and how they matched your pink jacket. It was cute,” he says casually, and you hope he doesn’t catch onto the way your fingers twiddle together nervously and you avert your gaze. “Anyways, you like Cola right?” he clarifies when reaching into the drink fridge near the cooler. You nod shyly, thanking him quietly when he hands you a can.

As you make your way to the cash register, you fish around in your pockets for a few moments hoping you’ll dig up a dollar bill or something but then Minghao’s hand is on your wrist and he shakes his head with a smile.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll cover it.” He turns back so quickly you don’t have time to protest because he’s already sticking his card into the machine, throwing the cashier a thumbs up and walking out the store without a word.

“I could’ve paid for myself, y’know,” you grumble, following behind Minghao, watching to see where he’s headed. You think he’s going to get back into his car, but instead he plops down on the street curb, sitting on the ground. You just look at him for a few moments, contemplating what to do for a few moments before joining his side.

“Yeah, but I wanted to pay for it.”

The sun is bright and it beads down on you relentlessly, but you don’t complain. You both sit in silence as you both tend to your snacks—Minghao tries to lap up his popsicle quickly now that you’re out in the heat and you try to drink as much of your Cola as you can before it grows lukewarm. The air grows thick between you.

You can’t find the right words to say. You suppose there aren’t any right words or any wrong words, and that you can say just about anything right now and it wouldn’t matter.

Glancing at Minghao who takes a lick of his pink popsicle, you feel that uneasy feeling swarm inside of your chest.

You could kiss him right now. You could press your mouth against his sticky lips and lap at the sugar against his tongue. You could hold his face and run your fingers through his hair and cradle the nape of his neck. You could do anything right now and it wouldn’t matter.

Minghao, after all, was leaving.

But you’re scared and Minghao is mature and his dreams are big and he’s brave.

Your eyes linger on his plush lips for no longer than a second before you shamefully look down at the Cola in your hands, suddenly feeling sick to your stomach.

“You’ll remember this place, right? Like—if you get big and famous and stuff, you two won’t forget, right?” you resort to asking. You say ‘this place,’ but really, you mean ‘me.’ You don’t want to be forgotten.

Minghao watches you with his eyes clouded with something you can’t really make out. “Of course we won’t. We’ll remember forever.” Absentmindedly, you trace figure-eights into the top of your can of pop, and Minghao catches the motion.

Using his own finger, he traces the figure of the number eight over the cement of the curb. “See. Like infinity, y’know?”

You purse your lips together and nod, your mind going dizzy. “Can we … can we go?” you mumble softly, gripping the can in your hand. “I think the heat kinda got to me.” It’s not entirely a lie.

Minghao doesn’t question you, polishing off his popsicle and tossing it into the trash before unlocking the door so you can take the silent ride home.

Jun and Minghao flew out two months ago. You went with your family and Minghao’s family to bid goodbyes. It’s not like you wouldn’t see them again—give or take a few months and Jun would be back at home, but he’d have to leave again. And again. And again.

It’s sad, you think, as you slump against Yiren on some random person’s couch. You miss them so much, but when you think about Jun and Minghao, all you can see is the hard work they’ve put into going where they’re headed.

You feel selfish as you bring a cup up to your lips. You feel pathetic and lame and if you weren’t already drunk, you’d be wallowing in self pity as well. The alcohol tastes just as bitter as your feelings, and while you wince when you gulp it down, you don’t hesitate to let some more run down your throat.

Yiren watches you worriedly when you clutch her arm and shut your eyes tight. “I miss them,” you whisper, and she doesn’t know if you’re talking to her or to yourself. She strokes your hair and coos to you about taking you to lie down somewhere.

Your head spins as she helps you stand, letting the cup fall to the ground, not bothering to pick it up. Yiren pulls you into an empty bedroom and sits you on the bed. “Drink this,” she instructs, handing you a bottle of water.

“Yiren, I miss them,” you repeat yourself.

“I know, I know you do. Do you want to go home? I’ll drive you and—”

“No, you go have fun. I just need to sit down for a sec,” you tell her, letting your back fall onto the mattress. Yiren gives you a warning look, but you shoo her off. “Trust me, I’ll be fine. I’ll call you if I need anything.” She looks like she wants to protest, but you both know you’re on a one track mind right now.

“Please don’t do anything stupid,” Yiren begs as she walks away and closes the door behind her. You’re still dizzy, but not nearly as bad as before. Sitting up, you glance around the room. It’s simple—probably a guest room in whoever’s house this is. Also probably why the door was unlocked in the first place.

You feel you might pass out until your eyes land on an open notebook on a table in the corner of the room. You don’t think twice before standing up and ripping a sheet out, scrambling for a pen.

DEAR MINGHAO

I’m drunk right now. I miss you and I miss Jun. I hope when you guys come back again, we can go to that karaoke place again and sing to Radiohead. I’ve expanded my taste you know—my favorite song is Fake Plastic Trees now, and I even got a record player just so I could play the vinyl for it. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.

When you come back, we should really go there again. Yiren’s been getting really tired of me singing Creep every time, so I need a new duo partner. And she’s leaving too, so there’s that.

I really want to kiss you right now, but you’re in Korea.

I miss Jun a lot too. I think I hate you for it. He’s my brother but somehow you get to see him more and talk to him more and be with him more. Sometimes I call him and it’s for less than five minutes and I hear your voice in the background and I don’t know if I want to listen to you speak forever or strangle you so you can never talk again. I get that Jun is busy, and that you’re busy, but you guys get to be busy together.

Yiren told me she’s probably going to go to college out of the country next year. I’m going to miss her like hell. I think I already miss her, and so I drag her to karaoke with me so she won’t ever forget about me and Radiohead and how garbage I am at singing Creep.

Jun says he’s going to come visit home in two months, and that you might come along. I didn’t know home was a place you only visit, but I guess being an idol changes you. I probably sound super bitter right now. I’m not. Maybe I’m upset that you guys are gone, but I really am happy for you.Jun is happy, and you’re happy, and I’m so happy you have each other.

It’s hard to focus on your exam—halfway through your degree and you still get the jitters every time you step into the testing hall. It’s probably the nerves. And the caffeine. And the fact that you’ll be seeing your brother and Minghao in three hours.

It’s mainly the third that has your leg bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet as you jot down your answers. The exam takes longer than you’d like to finish, but as soon as you’ve finished the final question, you’re bolting out of the large room and toward the parking lot.

Connecting your phone to your car, you call Jun as you back out of the parking spot. “Hey, you guys at the airport?” you ask when you hear him pick up.

“Yeah, we’re just getting out right now but there’s kind of a crowd so it might take a while to just get to the car.”

“I forgot you guys are, like, famous,” you mutter jokingly. “Where’re you headed first? Minghao’s place first?”

“Yeah probably. He’s gonna see his parents and stuff first and then I’ll go to Mom and Dad’s house, so you can just come there.”

“Okay … we’re still good for our dinner plans, right?”

“Yeah, actually I was wondering if Minghao could tag along,” Jun says, and you can hear some muffled shouting from the other side.

“Oh okay, yeah su—”

“Hey, look, there’s a lot of people here and I can’t hear much so just text me your response and I’ll get to you in a second,” Jun tells you quickly as the shouting grows louder. He hangs up soon after and you sigh heavily as you start driving to your parents house.

The ride is quiet but you’re happy to be met with gleeful parents when you get to their place. You’re all a bit spirited at the prospect of Jun coming home, so when you hear the old ringing of the door bell, you’re bolting to the door and swinging it open, jumping into his arms.

“What happened to ‘hi,’ ‘hello,’ ‘how are you?’” Jun teases as he hugs you close, awkwardly trying to shuffle into the house. You poke your tongue out at him when you finally unwind your arms from around him.

“Hi. Hello. How are you? You seem obnoxious, as always,” you shoot back, and Jun only grins, pinching your cheek tightly.

“Oh how I missed my little insane sister,” he says before moving onto your parents, enveloping them in hugs as you all begin to settle down in the living room. The four of you spend a few hours catching up with Jun before he excuses himself to freshen up so he can get ready for your plans for the evening.

When he comes back all ready, you’re pulling out your keys from your purse and waving bye to your parents, promising them you’ll stop by the next morning as you and your brother make your way to the door.

“See you later!” Jun calls out before closing the front door behind him and following you to your car. Minghao’s house is close by, no more than a five minute drive, and it’s quiet as you take the familiar roads through the town to get there.

“Should we go in?” you ask when you park in Minghao’s driveway. “You haven’t seen his parents in a while, have you?”

“Oh yeah, you’re right. C’mon, let’s go.” You both slip out of the car and make your way to the front door. Minghao’s mother opens the door and you spend a few minutes exchanging greetings and catching up before Minghao is stepping out, clad in some black jeans and a grey hoodie.

He smiles when he sees you, pulling you into a hug, giving you a chance to feel the slightly damp hair against your cheek and the woody smell that always reminds you of him. “Hey, how’s it been?” he asks when he pulls away.

“I-I’m good,” you say shyly.

“Let’s talk more in the car, yeah?” Jun suggests, turning back to Minghao’s parents to give them a hug before you all wave your goodbyes and get into your car.

“Where’re we headed?” Jun asks, as you back out of the driveway. Jun sits in the passenger seat while Minghao slips into the back.

“It’s this new place—opened just a few months ago so I doubt you’d have gone there yet,” you tell him as you start driving.

“Is it the place next to the cafe?” Minghao asks you, and you nod excitedly.

“Yeah … how’d you know?”

“My mom told me about it, and said I should try it out. I guess now’s my chance, huh.”

“Yeah! It’s really good, I hope you both like it,” you say, reaching over to the AUX controls to flick on one of your playlists. “Okay guys … are you ready?” you warn, watching Minghao’s eyes brighten through the mirror.

“Oh my god, don’t tell me you guys are going to sign Creep again—” Jun starts to groan, but you reach over and press a finger over his lips to shut him up.

“Quiet,” Minghao hisses to his friend, scooting forward in his seat so you’re in his view, placing his hands under your headrest. His fingers brush against the back of your neck and you’re scared you might crash the car from the way his touch makes you shiver. Fuck, more than half a damn decade and you still can’t fight it off. “Turn it up,” he instructs from behind, and you can only grin as you reach over and pump up the volume.

The deep rumble of snare and guitar echoes through the car as the song starts and you already feel your heart begin to swell in your chest. So when the first lines of, ‘when you were here before,’ leave your lips, you aren’t sure if you feel your heart mending itself, or if it’s salt being poured on the wound.

Because from behind you is Minghao’s voice, so deep and velvety and angelic it has you almost in a trance. He’s been good at singing, always, but now his voice sounds … mature, and developed and … and you love it.

You think back to the first time you sang Creep with him, and the lyrics already have you reminiscing when you both sing, ‘couldn’t look you in the eye,’ because goddammit you still struggle to look at Minghao for too long because you’re scared you’ll get lost.

And when it gets to the part before the bass is blaring in your ears, Minghao and you are singing, ‘I wish I was special, you’re so fuckin’ special,’ at the top of your lungs and you can’t help but let the irony sink in.

Now you’re pretty sure when Thom wrote Creep, he didn’t mean it to be about your love life, especially not the non-existent one between you and your brother’s best friend, but Thom is speaking to you right now, and you wonder if Minghao can hear the way you’re singing from your heart. How you’re singing for him.

When the song comes to an end, Minghao’s fingers brush over the nape of your neck one last time before he retreats back into his seat. You try to not mull on the feeling any longer, shaking your head of all of those thoughts when you near the restaurant.

“Here it is!” you chirp, parking the car on the curb. The three of you shuffle out of the car casually, making your way to the entrance.

“Looks nice,” Minghao comments as he opens the door for you and Jun. Your brother hops in merrily and you and Minghao both share a soft smile as you go inside too, your body nearly jerking when you feel his hand on the small of your back as he follows behind you.

His touch is warm and gentle and—fuck, does he know what he’s doing to you right now?

You’re more relieved than anything when he finally lets his arm drop, the three of you making your way to the table you booked. You were scared that if Minghao stayed close any longer, he’d be able to feel your heart beating through your chest.

You guys sit down at the table, Jun next to you while Minghao settles across the two of you. “So how’s your classes going?” he asks you as you look through the menu. “Jun said you had an exam today, right?”

“Yeah, it was my final one,” you tell him with a sigh of relief. “It was stressful preparing for it but it went better than I thought.”

“Good to hear,” Minghao says as a waiter comes along to pick up on your orders. After he leaves, Jun turns to you.

“What’s Yiren up to?” Jun asks you curiously. “Haven’t seen that girl in ages.”

“She’s, uh, she’s good,” you reply. “I haven’t seen her in a while either … she went off to college in Korea, remember?”

Minghao chuckles, “Seems like everyone’s going there, huh? Maybe you should pull up too.”

You scrunch up your face and shake your head while you take a sip of water. “I think I like this place too much to leave. Plus, who’s going to take care of our old folks if I leave too?” you tease, nudging your brother in the side.

“Mom and Dad can take care of themselves just fine,” Jun shrugs, ruffling your hair as the waiter brings along some food.

“Looks good,” Minghao says, holding up some chopsticks as you all look down at the sizzling dishes in front of you.

“It is! See?” you say pointedly, looking up at Jun. “Imagine I moved to Korea—I wouldn’t be able to eat this.” Your brother only rolls his eyes and Minghao and you laugh together while you dig in.

As you work through your meal and catch each other up on your lives, Minghao eventually leans back in his seat and sighs heavily. “I’m really craving something sweet right now.”

“I’d say we should pick up some pastries from the cafe next door but they closed two hours ago,” you say sadly.

“Oh shit, I forgot about that place. They made the best chocolate buns ever,” Jun mutters to himself, polishing off his plate.

“Let’s go to the cafe tomorrow evening, yeah?” Minghao suggests as he takes a sip of water. At the suggestion, you chew at your lip.

“Uh, I don’t think I can go then,” you say, hoping they won’t pry any further.

Of course, your brother doesn’t allow you a second of peace. “Why not? Your last exam was today, right?”

“Yeah, but I have stuff to do,” you reply nonchalantly. Jun scoffs and tugs your ear, causing you to whine. “What was that for?!”

“You didn’t clear your schedule out for me? I thought you missed me! You know I have to leave in like a week,” he complains, and you and Minghao share an amused look as you nudge Jun on the side.

“Relax, you can have me in the morning and afternoon and everything … I just have to go somewhere for the evening.”

“You’re being really ominous about this, you know,” Jun retorts, crossing his arms over his chest. “Where’re you going?”

You chew on your tongue, contemplating if this is the right moment to bring it up, or if you should even tell Jun and Minghao this at all. “I just have to see someone.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Jun groans. “You’re literally asking me to pry. Tell me who—a boyfriend?” You chuckle nervously, eyes flickering between Minghao and your brother, shaking your head.

“No—not a boyfriend,” you say dryly, scoffing at the irony. “Remember Renjun? I told you about him when I was in freshman year.”

“Vaguely. Remind me who he is again?”

“He’s just a guy, and he has some of my stuff I need to pick up.” Both Minghao and Jun cock an eyebrow at you after that. “What?” you huff, leaning back in your seat.

“An ex?” Minghao asks and your face burns.

“I—yeah,” you say casually. “An ex.”

Jun frowns deeply. “I didn’t know you and Renjun ever dated. I didn’t even know you ever had a boyfriend,” he says, voice evidently upset that he was left out of this.

“It wasn’t that serious,” you pat his shoulder as to soften the blow. “Plus it happened when you were on tour—we hardly talked then.”

“Still! You could’ve told me!” You bite back a, ‘But could I really?’ because this isn’t the time or place for that.

“It’s whatever. I just need to pick up some stuff I left at his place and—”

“So it ended pretty recently then?” Minghao piques, and your eyebrows furrow, slightly annoyed by both of their belated interest in your love life.

“What, no! It’s been months and—wait, I don’t see how that’s any of your guys’ business,” you huff and Minghao backs off a little, but Jun still stays curiously leaning in.

“Whatever. You’ll be available to come with us to the lake on Friday though, right?” Jun asks, pulling out his phone and holding it up to your face to show you a picture of a lake house. “I booked a place to stay the night and all.”

“Of course I’m going to come—I’ve been looking forward to it!”

“Good,” Jun says gruffly, still somewhat glaring at you.

You give him a funny look. “What?”

“I’m still mad you never told me—you’re supposed to tell me this stuff! How else am I supposed to know that you’re doing fine on your own and actually growing up.”

“Oh my god, Jun, I’m an adult! Did you think I would never have boyfriends?”

“No! At least not without telling me!”

You chuckle and Minghao follows in suit, enjoying the little sibling bicker. “Okay fine. I’m sure I’ll be telling you every detail of my love life when it gets resurrected.”

Minghao snorts at your use of words, and you revel in the way the sound makes you feel. Fuck it, it’s been more than half a decade and you still get butterflies—you can’t fight away the feeling, so you might as well wallow in it.

You wonder what Jun would think about this—your love life being pulled and shaken by his own best friend. Oh well, some secrets are best kept hidden anyways.

“Here’s your stuff,” Renjun says softly, handing you a paper bag that’s stuffed with a wide array of your belongings.

“Thank you. Is my pink jacket in there? I’ve been looking for it for a while and I didn’t know if I left it at yours,” you ask timidly, holding the paper bag close to your chest.

He scratches the back of his head as he steps back, nodding. “Uh, yeah I think it’s at the bottom.” You peer down at the contents of your back, and give a half smile when you see the pink cloth peeking out from underneath.

“Thanks for taking care of my stuff. I know you’ve basically moved out and all.”

“No worries. Do you, uh, need a ride home or anything? It’s pretty cold.”

You purse your lips at the offer, but shake your head. “It’s fine …” There’s an awkward silence and you quickly wonder if you should say anything more. Renjun looks awfully … apologetic right now and you feel there’s some more you can say. “How’s your new place? Have you seen it?”

“Yeah, I flew up there a few weeks back to get some of my main stuff shipped. A nice apartment, way bigger than whatever I had here,” he says with an awkward chuckle. You appreciate the effort.

Nodding, you tighten your grip on the bag. “That’s good to hear. I hope it all goes well with you. I … I think I’ll be taking my leave now. My brother’s back in town so …”

“Oh yeah, I heard from Jianing. Hope you’re having a good time—I know you haven’t seen him in ages.”

“Thank you. Anyways, I’m gonna get going now. Thanks again,” you say as you step back, throwing out a small wave.

A half-hearted, “See you,” leaves Renjun’s lips as you turn on your heel and start walking back to the bus station. There’s no promise of seeing Renjun later, or ever again, and something cold sinks in your stomach at the thought.

The thought that this all could’ve been avoided if Renjun hadn’t gotten that stupid job offer hundreds of miles away. If he didn’t decide to pack his bags and fly away just like Jun, like Yiren, like Minghao. Renjun was leaving, just like everyone else.

You clutch the paper bag close to your chest as you make your way to the bus stop, one hand fumbling in the pocket of your jacket as you search for your wallet and within seconds you’re a frantic mess. “Shit,” you mutter under your breath. “Shit, shit, shit!” you cry out when you drop your bag and pat frantically over your pockets to try and feel for your wallet.

Your digging into every crook of the coat and there’s a growing feeling of dread that washes over you once you realize that you lost your fucking wallet. Hands clenched at your side, you feel hot tears well up in your lash line as you stare down at the ground, letting in the shitty events of today sink in.

You don’t even know why you’re crying now. It’s hardly even cries, really, you’re downright sobbing as you plop down on the curb of the empty street, fumbling with your phone as you pull up Jun’s contact. Pressing the phone to your ear, you shut your eyes tight in an attempt to calm down your breath, but when you hear the line go dead you cry even harder, realizing that Jun is probably napping right now.

“Fuck my life,” you complain to yourself, letting your head hang low as you scroll through your phone. You aren’t even sure what compels you to click on him but before you know it you’re on speaker as you hear the buzzing of the phone as you wait for Minghao to pick up.

One ring. Maybe he’s busy.

Two rings. He might be looking for his phone.

Three rings. He probably won’t pick up.

Four rings, and you’re about to hang up but then it stops. “Minghao?”

Minghao’s voice is cool and calm when he says your name. “Do you—”

“I need your help,” you say so quietly you aren’t sure if he’ll be able to hear it. And then Minghao hears it: your soft pants and shaky breath and something about the sound has him squeezing his phone tightly.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m—” No, I feel like shit and I’m freezing my ass off and it’s so cold and I need you to help me. “Can you pick me up? I lost my wallet which has my bus card. I’m sorry, I know it’s a little late and you’re probably busy but—”

“Send me your location.”

Minghao is pulling up in his black car within twenty minutes and by then you’ve had enough time to wipe the tears from your face and piece together yourself to look presentable. Rolling down the windows as you wave over to his car, you hear the doors click and you’re roughly yanking on the door and throwing your stuff and yourself in.

Minghao raises a brow at your ruckus, asking once again, “Are you okay?” When you only sigh heavily, buckling yourself up, you hope Minghao will just leave it alone. You’d rather not talk about the stupid breakdown you just had in front of your childhood crush.

Minghao clearly doesn’t get the message, so when he starts the engine again, he murmurs, “Have you been crying?” You purse your lips together tightly as if the question itself as the tears bubbling up to the surface once again. “Did meeting with Renjun not go well?” You’re surprised he remembers his name—Minghao was never great with names. “Can you say something? I’m worried.”

“Sorry,” you say softly, letting your shoulder drop down, and from the corner of your vision you see Minghao watching you carefully. “I-I just got overwhelmed. And it was cold. Really cold. And then—” You take a shaky breath. “—and I lost my fucking wallet on top of it and it’s all so shitty and—”

His hand is on your shoulder and you hardly realize that Minghao has pulled over and parked so he can turn to face you. You’re crying again and you don’t even know how this fucking happened, all you know is that there’s so much going on in your head and Minghao is right there, he’s so close but then again, he’s so far.

“Hey, hey calm down for a sec’,” he says calmly, gripping your arm firmly. “Breathe slowly, and tell me what happened.”

You inhale sharply through your nose and scrunch your face up as you bury your head in your hands. In your right mind, you wouldn’t even think about telling Minghao about what’s on your mind but it’s been a really terrible past hour and you can’t control yourself.

“Renjun’s leaving. Didn’t want to do long distance and so he’s gone and—fuck, I don’t even blame him but why’d he have to leave,” you ramble, tears streaming down your flushed cheeks as Minghao pats your back gently.

“Did he say something to you when you met with him?” he asked, tone laced with concern. “I’m sorry, I’m just—are you o—okay please don’t cry.”

You don’t know why, but Minghao telling you to cry only makes the tears fall faster. “And Yiren—” you hiccup, “Yiren left too, I haven’t seen her in months and Jun a-a-and you—you’ve all been gone.” You don’t realize when Minghao grabs both your shoulders and forces you to face him completely.

“Slow down, please. No one’s left you, we’re all going to be here for you, you know that. Did Renjun say something which made you think like this?” he asks, the grip on your shaking shoulders growing tighter as you desperately try to steady yourself.

“N-no, but you’re not here. I hardly ever get to see my own brother and Yiren and you and Renjun and everything is so shitty I just—” you cry out and suddenly you stumble forward in the seat and before you know it Minghao’s arms are around you.

It’s not like you haven’t hugged him before but this is the first time you’re blubbering into his shoulder about your feelings, and if you weren’t so sad, you’d be fucking appalled. His warm hand is on your back, rubbing up and down slowly until you’ve finally found the conscience to actually breathe and realize just what’s going on.

Slowly, you pull away from Minghao’s hold, furiously wiping away at your face to dry yourself, looking down at your lap bashfully. “I am so sorry, what the fuck, I-I don’t know what came over me,” you blurt out when Minghao drops his hands from your shoulder. You miss the warmth, but you’re quite very embarrassed with yourself and don’t have the will to chase after his touch.

“Please don’t apologize,” Minghao replies softly, watching you with wide eyes. “That … was a lot and—”

“I’m sorry, look, I was just having a shitty day and it all piled up and you just—I don’t know I guess, let’s just pretend this never happened,” you beg with him. Minghao’s face looks like he wants to say more, but you really can’t tell with the way his eyes are clouded.

“Are you sure? You know you can talk to me.”

You gulp at the irony. No, you really can’t. You can’t tell Minghao anything, really, because even after crying and sobbing and wailing in his car he still looks at you with so much care and it has these stupid fucking butterflies erupting in your stomach like you’re fifiteen with a massive crush on your brother’s best friend.

“Can you just please drive me to my place?” you ask, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “I think I just really need to sleep.”

You can tell Minghao still has questions, but you don’t seem too willing to answer them so he doesn’t say anything when he nods and turns back to the road. The ride is silent, and when he finally parks he pats your shoulder.

You look out the window and furrow your eyebrows. “This isn’t my apartment complex …” you tell him, confused as you see a convenience store in front of you. The same one.

“C’mon, I know you love pop,” he says casually, unbuckling his seatbelt leaving you with no other choice to follow behind him. There’s an odd sense of deja vu that envelopes over you, shoving your pockets into your jacket shyly.

“Remember the last time we were here?” Minghao asks with a chuckle as you guys walk into the store.

“Don’t remind me,” you murmur. “That was a shitty day.”

Minghao gives you a nervous smile as he pulls out a can from the fridge and hands it to you, grabbing his own bottle as well. “Yeah, but Cola made it better, right?”

“I guess it did. Cola always makes things better,” you admit. “Hey, fuck you,” you say jokingly when Minghao pulls out his wallet. “You should’ve taken me here another time when I actually had my wallet—I need to pay you back for that day!” you whine with a pout. “Now I’m in debt to you twice! You’ve bought me two Colas!”

Minghao rolls his eyes playfully as he pays for the drinks. “Yeah well things are different now, and I’m pretty sure my wallet doesn’t care about the cost of two Colas.”

“Is Mr. Big and Famous too good for my money now?” you huff when you step back outside, opening your Cola. “I will pay you back, no matter how stupidly rich you get.”

“I’ll have to hold you to that,” Minghao laughs as you slip back into his car. The air is lighter as he drives you back to your place for real this time, and the lingering feeling of pop on your tongue is sweet and fun.

“Thank you for the ride. And the Cola,” you add when he’s in front of your building.

“You remember what I said?”

You nod as you step out of the car, picking up your brown bag. “Thank you so much for this. I’m sorry again.”

“Stop apologizing. Is there … is there anything else I can do? You want another Cola perhaps?”

“Very funny, but I don’t think I want to be jumping off the walls tonight …” you answer, closing the door but still peering through the open window. You think for a second as you chew your lip, nodding when you come up with something. “But do me a favor … don’t tell Jun.”

Jun takes you out to the lake house he booked three mornings after you met with Renjun and sobbed to Minghao in his car. It’s a refreshing turn of events, if you’re being honest, and you’re eager to sink into a relaxing weekend after a stressful exam season.

Your brother drives the three hours on the way with the promise of you driving on the way home hung over your head. When you reach the house—a medium sized cabin perched right by the lake and surrounded by trees and mountains—you’re greeted with the sight of Minghao sitting in his car and scrolling on his phone.

As you and Jun pile out of the car and grab your bags, Minghao comes out too, walking toward you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Thought you guys would never come. If you were gonna be late you should’ve just given me the keys to this place,” he says with a huff.

“Don’t blame me,” Jun shrugs, locking the car after you’ve both taken out your stuff, walking up to the cabin’s entrance. “She’s the one who wanted to stop and buy some pop.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t want it either,” you retort, reaching into your tote bag to hand Minghao a can of Cola. “Here,” you offer with a smile which he returns gleefully.

“Okay actually, totally valid reason,” Minghao says, flicking open the can before taking a sip.

“Hey! Don’t be on her side,” Jun whines as he opens up the cabin. Minghao and you chuckle together, your heart warming at the sound as you three start to load your things into the house. Minghao doesn’t say anything about that night when he picked you up, and for that much you’re grateful. This much, you can manage.

By the time you all have settled your things into your respective rooms it’s noon and the sun pummels down with admirable strength. As you stick your head out of your room, you catch Jun making his way down the hallway toward the bathroom.

“You going for a swim?” you ask, gesturing down to your swimsuit that you’ve already eagerly put on.

“Nah, I’m gonna go later. I need to take a call right now,” he says with a sigh and you nod, about to retreat back to your room before Minghao walks out of his own room.

“I’ll go if you’re going,” Minghao tells you casually, and you don’t waste a second to nod. “Give me five so I can get changed and then we can go out.”

You jump down the hall excitedly after he closes the door behind him, making your way to the backyard porch which leads into a deck over the lake. As you place your towel on one of the chairs outside, you hear the sliding door open.

Minghao walks out shirtless, lower half only covered with his swim trunks as he runs a hand through his shaggy hair, shaking his head lightly as he makes his way towards you, placing his towel next to yours. “Thanks for waiting … shit, it’s hot as hell,” he murmurs, and you’re thankful that you’re facing away from him right now—you aren’t sure you’d be able to handle the proximity and the sight of his bare upper body.

“Yeah,” you agree, finally straightening your back and putting some distance between the two of you when you start walking towards the edge of the deck. “The water’s so clear,” you think out loud, looking down at the blue lake in front of you.

“It’s really pretty … you want a picture?” Minghao suggests, walking up behind you.

“I would, but I left my phone inside.”

“Let’s just take it on my phone,” he says casually, holding up his phone in front of you, waving at you to step back a little so he can take a picture. “A candid one would look pretty with this view—like you’re looking out at the lake and stuff,” he begins to say, placing a smooth hand on your shoulder so he can manually turn you around so that you’re facing away from him.

When he lets his hand drop, it brushes over the curve of your hip and you have to bite down on your lip to stop the pathetic whimper that threatens to escape your lips. Luckily, Minghao can’t see the pained expression that makes its way onto your face as he steps back holding up his phone.

“Okay ready …” he calls out from further behind. “Three … two … one!” You hear a faint tapping sound as you still, letting Minghao take the pictures as you wait patiently. It takes a few moments, and you’re about to ask him how much longer he’s going to go at it before you hear the sound of something being dropped, and then a few rattling thuds.

“Minghao, what—” you begin to question as you slowly turn on your heel but by then it’s too late. “WHAT THE F—”

Your scream is cut off short when Minghao runs forward and lunges at you, one arm wrapping itself around your waist as he jumps into the water, bringing you down with him. The cool water of the lake hits your body and the wind gets punched out of your lungs as you feel your limbs entangle with his. Instinctevely, your arms tighten around one of his as your eyes press closed tightly as you feel your warm body start to level with the temperature around you.

And so even as your legs kick around for a few panicked moments, you begin to feel oddly at peace when your head finally reaches the surface of the water, Minghao’s hand still steady over your hips as you gasp for air.

“You’re a bitch for that,” you say, a few choked giggles escaping your lips as you do. Minghao finally unwinds his arm from yours, and while you miss the contact, his body is still dangerously close to yours, and you figure that that is already more than you can manage.

Minghao smiles gleefully, pushing his face so close that it’s right up in front of you. “Mm maybe, but it was really funny. Got it on video too.”

“What?!” you screech, swimming backward so quickly that you hit  your head on the wooden platform of the deck. “Crap!” you exclaim, hand immediately flying up to press against the throbbing crown of your head. Minghao’s eyes widen with concern as he wades his way towards you, tall enough to still have his feet touch the lake bottom unlike you.

“Shit, I’m sorry, are you okay?” he asks worriedly, his own hand coming up to feel the back of your head. His eyes are big and brown as he looks down at you, and for this moment, you forget about the dull ache and bask in the way the sun hits his skin so perfectly he glows.

“I’m fine!” you squeak quickly, letting your hand drop so you can tread in the water lightly, slowly moving a safe distance away from the deck.

“A-are you sure?” he probes, making his way to you, and you have a moment to admire him from afar—the way his hair is matted against his forehead and water drops gather at his lashes, making his eyes look prettier than ever.

You chuckle at the way his lips are pursed together apologetically, and you splash some water at him to lighten the mood. “Yes, Minghao, I’m great. I hardly hit myself.” Minghao’s face looks uneasy, and you laugh again.

It takes a few more minutes of you trying to convince him that you’re totally fine before he finally lets it go. Eventually, you find yourself on a big inflated duck-shaped floaty, laying down with your face up and eyes closed. You lose track of time, enjoying the white noise of Minghao splashing around in the water around you, drifting off into a hazy state until you hear a loud yell and feel yourself being flipped over and off your floaty.

“Jun!” you whine, rubbing your eyes as you furiously push hair off your face when you resurface, glaring at both Jun and Minghao laugh side by side. “You guys have to stop doing this to me,” you groan, eyes finally adjusting to its normal state.

“What are you talking about?” Jun asks innocently as you make your way over to the two of them, not bothering to turn your duck floatie back up right. “It was just an accident I fell on you—hey!” he yells out when you lunge at him. Minghao steps back quickly as you and Jun waddle and fight in the water, splashing water at each other while you try and get your revenge.

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry,” Jun admits with a pout. “You didn’t do this to Minghao after he dunked you in the water,” he complains as you release him.

You narrow your eyes. “How do you know about that?”

“He sent me the video.”

“Minghao!” you exclaim, turning to the boy who is now treading around a meter in front of you. He only shrugs and grins cheekily.

“It was really funny,” Jun tells you with a laugh. “I might just post it on my story.”

“Oh my god, don’t you dare.”

Jun only shakes his head and starts slowly swimming further into the lake. “Don’t worry—I wouldn’t do that. Minghao can’t have any dating rumors, now can he?”

You chew on your lip, not responding. Minghao doesn’t say anything either, only chuckling along with your brother as he follows after him. You aren’t sure what to say to that, and the comment leaves some uneasy feeling hanging in your stomach.

Fuck, maybe you did hit your head hard.

You three spend a good few hours out in the lake until it’s evening. It’s a slow day and you start to realize just how much you missed spending time with your brother and Minghao like this—it isn’t often they get the opportunity to do things like this, so you’re grateful that they decided to share some of their few days of peace with you.

The second day is even hotter than the first, and you wake from your sleep early in the morning when the sky is still blooming with purple and orange hues. Crawling out from your bed, you make your way downstairs. If it was just you and your brother, you wouldn’t be so mindful about keeping your noise levels down because god knows that Jun can sleep through just about anything, but, Minghao is with you guys now, and you’d hate to sour his experience even just a little by accidentally waking him up for being too loud.

So you can imagine your surprise when you walk into the kitchen to see Minghao already leaning against the counter as he scrolls through his phone. He hasn’t noticed you and you contemplate leaving it like that for a few moments.

He’s wearing a tight fit, black, sleeveless top that shows off the curve of his shoulders and lets the sparkle of his silver chain glint under the morning light. Minghao is attractive—you and the millions of people in his comments know that—and you feel an odd sense of pride well up in your stomach that you’re one of the few people who get to see him like this.

With his hair messy and brushing over his eyes, legs crossed over each other as he presses his body weight against the kitchen island, bare skin glowing from the natural light, he’s beautiful.

Your face heats up when you realize you’ve just been staring at him, so you quickly clear your throat. “Good morning,” you chirp, walking into the kitchen so he can finally see you.

Minghao looks up from his phone, tucking it into the pocket of his sweatpants to greet you with a smile. “Hey, I didn’t know you were up. How’s your head doing?” he asks shyly, walking over to casually run his hand over that same spot on the crown of your head.

It’s an oddly intimate gesture, and if you didn’t know any better, your heart might have given out from the way he was touching you. Still, you know he’s just checking to see if it’s swollen, but your heart flutters anyways.

“I-it’s fine,” you reply, opening the fridge to pull out some orange juice as his hand drops. “I didn’t know you were an early riser. Jun always sleeps in whenever he gets the chance.”

“Yeah, well that’s why he’s paged as a literal cat by everyone,” Minghao says with a chuckle as you place a jug on the counter. “Do you want some tea? I’m just boiling the water now so I can add some more if you want.”

“Sure, that’ll be nice.” You pour yourself some orange juice. “Do you want to eat something? I brought some cupcakes to have for breakfast,” you offer, reaching into one of the bags you didn’t unpack to pull out a box.

“Are they those cupcakes?”

“Yup—the one and only!” you exclaim, opening the lid to show him. Minghao grins, pulling two out.

“God, I missed these. Y’know, Jun actually gave your recipe to Mingyu too, but he just doesn’t make them the same,” Minghao tells you, and your eyes light up.

“Really? Poor Mingyu,” you say with a sigh.

“If you ever end up visiting us in Korea, you should really make some,” Minghao suggests as he goes to take care of the boiling water, dropping some tea leaves into it before moving the water into a pot. Then, pulling out two small cups and plates, he says, “Me and Jun have told the others about how good you make them, but they really need to try them.”

“I’d love to,” you say with a grin, giddy with the way Minghao is boosting your ego. As he pours out the tea into two mugs, you put the cupcakes on the small plates, looking out to the glass sliding door which leads to the porch by the lake. “You want to eat outside? The sky looks really beautiful now, and the weather looks like it’s nice too.”

Minghao nods, holding up the two mugs while you grab the plates and follow him outside and onto the little shaded porch where you sit by two of the chairs and the small, knee level coffee table. The sky is still deep in its changing colors, and you pull out your phone to take some pictures.

“Can you take some pictures of me? For my WeVerse and Instagram and stuff?” he asks when you’re done, holding out his phone in your direction.

“Yeah, of course.” Leaning back after you grab his phone, you position yourself as Minghao poses. “Lean back a little more so the background can—yeah, perfect …” You take a few photos, and Minghao nods happily when you show him.

“Can you take some more candid ones?”

“Sure, let’s switch spots. I think it’ll look nicer if it looks like you’re looking out to the lake from here,” you suggest, getting up from your seat. Minghao complies without protest and you spend a few more minutes taking some pictures before finally handing him the phone. “You like them?”

“Hell yeah I do,” he says, looking through his phone. “You’re great at this,” he compliments sincerely.

“I’m used to taking the kinda pictures you guys like now … Jun has trained me well,” you joke, sitting back in the seat and reaching for your own cup of tea. It’s quiet for a few moments as you both relax and watch the sky grow brighter by the minute.

Jun wakes up an hour later, trudging out his room with groggy eyes as you poke fun of him. The morning is slow for a short while after that before Minghao is reminding you all that you need to start heading back home. The two of them are leaving for Korea in two days, after all, and that leaves them with only today and tomorrow to completely bask in themselves and the rest of their family, so you pack your things and end your stay at the cabin before the clock hits noon.

That night, after you drive yourself and Jun home and you retreat to the comfort of your apartment, you flop down onto your couch and pull out your phone. You’re met with a few notifications from WeVerse and Instagram, casually scrolling through the apps when your eyes catch a few familiar pictures.

It’s on Instagram and you recognize the bright orange of the rising sky that sits behind Minghao who is smiling into the camera. The next picture is a candid one of him looking at the lake while he drinks some tea, and the third is a picture of the cupcake you made.

You grin at the picture—the rest of the world won’t know it, but you definitely do—it’s a little piece of you that Minghao is sharing with the world. Though, you aren’t sure if he put as much thought into it as you are right now.

Brushing it off as Minghao just wanting to share a pretty picture of a nice looking cupcake, you purse your lips together only for them to be parted when you read his caption.

i’m a weirdo

Scrolling through the comments, you come across people saying, many among the following:

ur not a weirdo >:c fellow radiohead fanatic i see is the8 a certified creep? o: i didn’t know minghao liked radiohead … another reason to stan!

As you ignore the increased palpitating of your heart at the idea that Minghao quoted a line from, in your opinion, “your guys’ song.” you sit and think for a moment about what to do. You consider just liking the post and scrolling past it before a funny thought crosses your mind, and so you start typing into the comments.

i wonder who took these pics lol

No one’s going to see it. Minghao is definitely not going to see it, but you giggle to yourself anyways. You’re about to put your phone down when you get a notification of a reply to your comment. Curious, you open it up, and see that it’s just a random person.

imagine it’s his gf

You laugh to yourself. You wish.

The last day or two with Jun goes as they always do when he’s here—slow, but all that you need. He spends his time at your parents house and you stop by for lunch and dinner the day after you both return from the lake house.

The afternoon, you both went down to the cafe and stocked up on chocolate buns—Jun’s request—and spent the rest of your time until evening going over your plans for the rest of the summer. You enjoy this part, always. Not Jun leaving—of course not—but spending these tame moments with him.

It makes you wonder what things would have been like if he never left. Maybe he’d move out for university someplace else, but you’d get to see him more, probably. Get to hang out with him every weekend, instead of every two months.

You shake yourself off the thought as you drive to your parents house. Having Jun around more often would be nice, but there isn’t any point in dreaming about the impossible.

As you pull up to the driveway and park your car, you notice Minghao standing out by the front door with his suitcase and a bag. “Hey, looking for Jun?”

“Well, yeah. Of course I wanna say bye to you both before you go … is the van here yet?”

“Nah, it’s still taking some time but Jun is on the other side of the house to see if the car is gonna come from that side,” he explains.

“I’m gonna miss you guys … you know when you’re both going to come next?” you ask, voice softer than you anticipated.

“I really don’t know—I’m sorry. You know how things are.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, shoulders deflating as you look down at the ground..

“I know—it’s not … it's not easy for Jun, either, I can tell. It isn’t easy for any of us to leave.” When Minghao finishes speaking you only nod, and as your eyes meet,you feel like there’s something he wants to say. “Hey,” he murmurs quietly.

A heavy hand is placed on your shoulder, and you feel you might as well sink to the ground and let the earth swallow you up. “If you’re going to talk about—”

“Hear me out, yeah?” Minghao cuts you off, and when you open your mouth in protest, he continues. “Don’t …” he inhales deeply before saying, “Don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way, okay?”

You cross your arms over your chest. “That really depends on what you’re going to say.”

“Okay, just … just listen. Jun, and me, and Yiren, and Renjun—” God, why is he bringing this up? “—we aren’t trying to hurt you.”

“Of course I know that.” Your eyebrows knit together and Minghao sighs at your reaction, letting his hand fall from your shoulder. You miss the touch, but your mind is a little too preoccupied with trying to decipher Minghao’s words to dwell on it.

“I’m just saying … you shouldn’t try to depend on anyone.” You open your mouth and then close it, trying to figure out how the hell he expects you to respond to this.

“What d’you mean?”

“Well I mean,” he huffs before continuing, shoving his hands in his pockets, “you obviously have been … upset about people leaving you and you can’t expect everyone to stick around forever.”

“If you’re talking about Renjun, he was my boyfriend. I think it’s okay for me to expect someone who I’m dating to ‘stick around,’ even though it might not be forever.”

“I guess, but it’s not just Renjun, right? Jun … Yiren … me …” he voice trails off.

“I basically spent my whole middle and high school years around you and Yiren, and Jun is literally my brother. Do you think me wanting the people I quite literally grew up around to be here for me is being ‘dependant?’”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I mean we were all going to grow up eventually? Look, don’t take this the wrong way and—”

“Excuse me?” you blurt out harshly, taking a step back, scoffing before you continue. “I wouldn’t be taking this the wrong way if you obviously didn’t mean it the wrong way. You basically just said I’m not independent.”

Minghao frowns at your reaction before responding, “I didn’t say that. I just said you shouldn’t depend on anyone.”

“Which implies that I am depending on people unnecessarily!”

Minghao adjusts his backpack straps as he says, “I mean you did cry for quite a while about how people are leaving you. I just don’t want you to get more hurt by being dependent on others.”

“Thanks for the concern,” you shoot sarcastically, “but I’m not dependent on anyone. I was upset that night because all the people closest to me have moved away and if you ask any normal person, I’m pretty sure they’d agree that that’s a valid reason to cry a little. So sorry if that was too much for you.” You say the last part with disgust laced on your tongue, and you watch Minghao’s face grow increasingly sour as you go on.

“Okay, now you’re just twisting my words,” Minghao huffs, glancing around to make sure that no one is close by.

“What the hell Minghao,” you scoff, clenching your fists at your side. You don’t want to be the person to jump down his throat, but you can’t help but feel like you’re being talked down to. “Why—why are you acting like I’m still a little kid. I’m more than Jun’s little sister, you do know that right?”

“Oh my god, seriously?” Minghao retorts, eyebrows rising in a mix of disbelief and irritation. “You think that’s what this is about? For fuck’s sake I’m just looking out for you.”

“Exactly!” you exclaim, pointing an accusing finger at him. “There’s no reason for that! Like I said, I’m not some little girl anymore and I’ve been looking out for myself for years. You just happened to catch me in a moment where I let myself be sad about it which, again, is a totally valid thing to be sad about.”

“I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Well congratulations! You were unsuccessful,” you mumble out, feeling an ugly knot build up in your throat. “I trusted you,” you say softly, and Minghao looks at you with eyes so apologetic you almost think about forgiving him. “That night after I saw Renjun—I-I trusted you,” you add more harshly this time. “And I cried to you even though we haven’t properly spoken in fuck knows how long and you take all that and make me out to seem like some sort of defenseless kid—”

“Can you stop—you’re putting words into my mouth. I never said you were defenseless or not independent or anything like that—I don’t even know why you think I would think of you like that because you know that’s not true.”

“Minghao, I don’t know if you’ve realized but it’s been years since we've talked properly. Just because—” You take a deep breath before continuing your bitter words. “—just because you get to live your stupidly amazing life with my brother by your side doesn’t mean that you know me and that I know you, because clearly we don’t know each other at all!”

“I’m sorry?” he says exasperatedly. “Sorry I care about you or whatever, even though things have changed.”

You scowl, and in your right mind you wouldn’t let your next words slip out of your mouth. “Well don’t. I’ve been fine without your sympathy so far, I’m pretty sure I can go on a bit longer.”

Minghao is about to respond, you can tell from the way his hands fiddle at his sides, but then there’s a buzzing and you reach into your pocket to pull out your phone. “Hey Jun,” you say, answering the call without meeting Minghao’s gaze. “… Yeah, he’s with me, we’re just waiting for the car … okay I’ll tell him.”

Tucking the device back into your pocket, you look at Minghao. “Jun is asking for you on the other side of the house. You should go,” you say flatly and you can tell from the look on his face that he wants to say more, but holds back.

Grabbing his suitcase, he tears his eyes from you and doesn’t look back after saying, “See you,” walking away and around the corner of the street. There’s that similar chill that takes over your body when Minghao says the same words Renjun said just a few nights before, and you silently wonder if this is history repeating itself.

“So,” Yiren says as she plops down onto your couch, kicking her feet up onto your coffee table. “How’d meeting with Renjun go? He give you your shit back?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” you grumble as you walk over and nudge her legs to get her to put them down. “And you can’t just flop down and sit! Put your suitcase away so it’s not in the middle of the room,” you order, trying to be stern as Yiren sticks her tongue out at you.

“So bossy—your best friend is visiting your cute little abode and you can’t help her out with her stuff?” Yiren juts out her bottom lip into a pout as you sit next to her and wrap your arms around her waist, sinking into the couch. “Okay what’s going on. You’re being extra snappish …” she asks a bit more seriously, pulling away from your hold to get a better look at you. “Was it Renjun? Did he say something before he left?”

“No!” you say quickly, looking away bashfully, leaning back against the arm rest. You fucking wish you were in this sour mood because of Renjun because you could manage that. Renjun is gone, and it would hurt but you’d get over it.

You aren’t sure how long it’ll take to get over Minghao, if you ever do at all.

“Are you lying to me? You know I can tell when you’re not telling the truth.”

“I am telling the truth.” Just not all of it, you think to yourself.

Yiren sighs loudly, sitting up straight and facing you completely. “You are so bad at this. C’mon tell me—what’d he say? Or was it not Renjun—Jun? Which Jun was it? Did you and Jun fight?”

“I—”

“Like that one time two years ago and you didn’t talk to each other until he came back a month later and—”

You cringe at the memory, slapping a hand over her mouth. “Yiren don’t bring that up. I hated that.”

“Okay sorry,” she says sheepishly. “But seriously—what was it? Renjun? Jun? Which one? Or wait—Min—oh my gosh, don’t tell me it was Minghao!” When you take more than a second to respond, Yiren gasps. “Oh god, it was Minghao.”

She stands up quickly, looking down at your figure on the couch. Before you can say anything, she turns on her heel and walks towards your kitchen. “Hey, where are you going!” you call out to her, sitting upright.

Yiren doesn’t respond, only reaching into the fridge and pulling out two cans of pop. Walking back, she sits down in front of you and hands you a Cola, opening her own Sprite herself. “C’mon, you need to tell me about this. The pop is just here for emotional support.”

You narrow your eyes at her. You thought you were dealing with the effects of your argument with Minghao perfectly fine, but as you look down at the cold can in front of you, an uneasy feeling bubbles up in your stomach. Taking a deep breath, you set the can down on your coffee table, leaving it unopened.

Yiren gapes at you with wide eyes. “You’re not going to have it?” Neck hanging low, you shake your head, and you hear her gasp quietly. “Oh my gosh, you just turned down a Cola,” she mutters, grabbing a pillow and pushing it in your direction. “Okay now you need to tell me what’s going on.” She pauses, shuffling closer, adding softly, “It’s okay, you can cry.”

And just like that, the dam breaks and stray tears fall from your lashes as you clutch the pillow close to your chest, blubbering your mind away to your best friend.

“I don’t even get it—I thought I was over him?” you question aloud. “Like when I was with Renjun I was happy and I didn’t think about Minghao because Renjun was great and he was so nice but he just—” you choke back a sob and Yiren pats your back.

“But he left,” she murmurs softly and you want to cry harder because Yiren left too, but then you remind yourself of what Minghao said. Taking a deep breath, your wipe your face of your tears and although your lips still quiver, you start to speak.

“It’s okay,” you mutter, because it isn't like you haven’t cried over this before. “I just—I guess I haven’t really tried hard enough.”

“Tried to … what exactly?”

You huff, throwing your back onto the couch as you look up at the ceiling. “You know: get over him.”

Yiren chuckles a little, and even through your sniffles, you laugh with her. “What are you saying—you gonna fuck around now?”

“Maybe not fuck around,” you say, crossing your legs. “More like … have some fun.”

“So basically fuck around.”

“Yiren!”

“Oh c’mon—you need me to set you up with someone? My sister knows a lot of—”

You nudge her playfully. “What happened to ‘Ms. I Want Half of the Proceeds from your Wedding with Minghao?’”

“First of all,” Yiren waves a finger at you pointedly, “I only asked for 25%, but if you two can come back from this, I will be asking for at least 50% because I have been rooting for you two since day one.”

“Aren’t you the one who’s trying to set me up with other guys?”

“That’s only because you come first to me. Your relationship with Minghao—”

“The nonexistent one,” you correct and Yiren glares at you.

“Okay fine. Your nonexistent relationship with Minghao comes second. I want to see you happy. If you get to be happy with Minghao that’s just an added plus because, you know, 50% of all the gifts and—”

“You’re getting 25% max.”

“Don’t worry. There’s still time for plenty of negotiation and—”

“Yiren!”

You don’t live up to Yiren’s expectations—in her words, she wanted you to have a hot girl summer, but you couldn’t be bothered to go through with it. Well, sort of.

The next two months go along as your summers usually do. You take up a job near your apartment, working through the morning and afternoon, spending your evenings at home or occasionally out with Jianing.

Jianing doesn’t know much about anything when it comes to your (nonexistent) relationship with Minghao, and you figure she doesn’t need to. When you need a distraction, all it takes is a quick message asking her to accompany you for whatever endeavors you have going on for the night and she’s on board.

It’s a slow summer, but you don’t really mind. Not burdened with the stress of your classes and with Jun and Minghao gone for the next two months for their own performances and promotions, you have time to focus on yourself.

Occasional parties, indulging in hobbies, daily walks in the mornings, late nights of binge watching TV shows, outings with Jianing—it’s all a part of a simple routine that you’ve curated to do one thing, and one thing only: relax.

It’s only near the end of the summer, around three weeks before your classes are set to resume, that Jun calls you to let you know he’s coming home with Minghao. He seems pretty casual about it, and you’re reminded about how Minghao probably didn’t mention anything about your argument to your brother, which you’re thankful for.

It’s a passing thought that you’ll have to figure out how you want to act when you finally face him again. Whatever. That’s a problem for another time. Right now, you relax.

That problem for another time seems to have become a problem for now. Jun came home two days ago and things were alright—no run-ins to Minghao and you spend time with your brother like you usually do whenever he returns: with bickering and meals.

It’s only on the third day that things become a little … a little iffy. Your brother texts you in the evening to get ready quickly because he’s stopping by with Minghao for dinner at his place, and it’s all happening so quickly that you don’t have time to come up with an excuse.

So here you are, throwing on your sacred pink jacket because it’s the first thing in your vision, some old jeans, and waiting outside your apartment building much less enthusiastically than you’d like. It’s only a matter of minutes before your phone buzzes with a text from Jun letting you know he’s here and you see Minghao’s car pulling up in front of you.

Making your way to the back door where you usually sit with the two of them, you furrow your brows seeing Jun sitting in your usual spot.

“Sit in the front,” Jun orders when you go to open the back door, “I wanna lay down.” You shrug, making your way to the passenger seat as Jun settles into the back, resting his head on the window while kicking his legs up onto the other two seats.

“Hi,” you say quietly to Minghao who nods and speaks his own quick greeting, averting his attention to the wheel in front of him without much more than that.

“Please,” he huffs, watching Jun through the rear view mirror, “don’t put your shoes on the seats. I just had the car cleaned.” Jun clicks his tongue and kicks his shoes off, continuing to lay back in the seat as Minghao starts the car. The ride is silent as he drives toward the restaurant, both you and Jun on your phones while Minghao has his eyes trained on the road.

Once he parks in front of the place, you watch from the corner of your vision to see Minghao unbuckling his seatbelt before your brother speaks up.

“You guys can wait here, I’m gonna grab the food,” Jun says, slipping in his shoes and making his way to the restaurant, leaving you and Minghao in thickening silence. His hands are resting on his thighs and you press your head on the window, looking out as you try to focus on anything but this.

“Uh,” Minghao clears his throat, and you silently brace yourself for what he might say. “Nice jacket.”

Oh.

Glancing down at what you’re wearing, you twiddle with the hem of the familiar pink jacket. You wonder if this is Minghao’s way of holding out a figurative olive branch, and then you think harder about if you’re willing to accept it. “Thanks,” you reply, matting a hand over your hair before turning your attention to Jun who’s walking towards your car now.

Slipping into the back seat, he shakes the plastic bag in the air as he buckles himself in. “Takeout secured. Let’s go back to your place now,” Jun says, tapping on Minghao’s shoulder from behind. There’s an odd tension in the air, and you don’t doubt that Jun feels it, although he keeps his mouth shut about it.

No one says a word until Minghao is parking in his driveway and unlocking the front door. You follow behind the two of them, Jun grabbing the food as you enter Minghao’s house.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Jun asks, putting the takeout bag on the coffee table of the living room as you all begin to settle down.

You shrug off your coat as you say, “Uh, I have to go back to my place and go out for the afternoon and evening with Jianing. Me and her have this little monthly date day thing, and we’re going to the city.”

“Wha-a-a-t,” Jun drawls out, a frown etched onto his face. You narrow your eyes at him, shrugging.

“What? It’s not like you’re leaving right after tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but I’m not here for long. I wanted to do something tomorrow, since I might be doing stuff after that!” Jun whines, pointing at Minghao. “We might be going to this cool store and take some pictures and stuff.”

You huff, slightly annoyed as you flop down on a couch. “Okay well can’t you do that tomorrow then? I already have plans.”

Jun pouts, and if he wasn’t so on your nerves right now, you would poke some fun at him. “Why-y-y? You knew I was coming this week!”

“Well it’s not like I can clear my schedule for you. If you wanted to do something you should’ve told me earlier!”

“I let you know last week I was coming down!”

“Jun,” you say with a half laugh, noticing the way Minghao’s eyes have been flickering back and forth between you two through the whole conversation, “one week is not enough time to change some plans. I’ve been meeting with Jianing consistently at this time of month for over a year!”

“But still—”

“It’s not like if I showed up to Korea whenever the time’s convenient for me, you’d drop everything you’re doing to spend time with me!” you exclaim.

Jun’s fists ball at his side before he says, “That’s because my job is important and—”

“The stuff I do in my life might not seem important to you but it is very much important to me. Sorry I’ve made commitments to other people before I even knew you were coming, but I don’t know why you’d expect me to drop all my plans just for you. It’s not even like we aren’t going to see each other afterwards too.”

“Well I’d only hope that’s the case—I only ever see you once every few months so sorry for wanting to take some of your time.”

“Guys—” Minghao starts to say, standing between the two of you but when both you and Jun glare at him, he steps back.

“Do you think your time is worth more than mine or something?” you scoff at Jun, ignoring Minghao.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m sorry, what exactly did you mean it like then?” you hiss.

Jun sucks in a breath between clenched teeth and runs a hand through his hair. “You know what I meant. Things are just—they’re different. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Right yeah. I won’t understand because I don’t have all these girls throwing themselves at me, making me think I’m entitled to everyone’s damn time.” Maybe you crossed a line with that one, but you’re too angry to care now. Hot tears well up in your lash line, threatening to fall any moment now.

“You were the one who was being a brat when you found out I was going to go to Korea in the first place!” Jun exclaims. “Fucking hell, why are you making such a big deal out of me wanting to spend some time with you now?”

Your face screws up into some kind of ugly frown at the words, and you clench your fists as your side. “A brat?” you repeat. “A brat? Is that seriously what you think of me?

“Well you did make a pretty damn big scene about me leaving, so yeah, maybe I do feel entitled to some of your time seeing that you were the one who was desperate for it in the first place.”

“Desperate? Are you kidding me—desperate? I was sixteen and you dumped the fact that you were moving away in like less than two months on me —of course I was upset but desperate? Well fuck you too I guess.” You punctuate the last word by turning on your heel, grabbing your coat off and marching past Minghao and over to the door.

You don’t hear Jun say anything after you do, and for that you are grateful because you don’t think you’ll be able to handle hearing his voice again. Walking out the foyer past the door, you stomp your way to your car, forcefully yanking the driver’s seat open and plopping yourself down with a heavy thud.

Without a word, you press your forehead against the steering and scream a loud and painful, “FUCK!” You can’t even remember a damn thing you or Jun said but all that throttles in your head is the word brat and you feel you might just pull the steering wheel off your stupid car and tear just about everything else apart too.

The prospect is pretty tempting, actually, and in your red, you continue to hit your head, albeit gently, against the wheel as you mutter incoherent curses to yourself. The thud of your skull against the smooth letter rings in your ears until it becomes all that you can hear, so loud that it almost drowns out the knocking sound that comes from outside.

“Holy shit!” you gasp, when you see Minghao from the corner of your vision, standing outside your car with his lips pressed into the thin line. Rolling down your windows, you grimace. “You fucking scared me so bad. Please never creep up on me like that again.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Don’t fucking storm out like that again then,” Minghao says, and your eyes widen slightly when you hear his voice. It’s harder, firmer, more serious than you’ve ever heard before.

“What are you—”

“You can’t drive when it’s night and you’re sobbing—”

“I am not sobbing,” you fruitlessly choke out, wiping some tears off your cheek as you straighten your back and glare at him.

“Look I get you’re mad at Jun and all but can you please calm down and talk to me so—”

You let out a humorless laugh as you begin to roll your windows back up. “Don’t even get me started on you.”

Minghao clicks his tongue as he sticks a hand into your window to stop it from going up any further, looking sideways for a second before turning back to you. “Okay well I don’t want you to drive yourself home like this. It’s not safe.”

“I am not staying here tonight.”

“Then let me drive you home,” Minghao suggests and you open up to object but no words come out. “You agree? C’mon, step out.” You let out nothing more than a huff as you open the door, slipping out quickly and shuffling to the other side where you sit with your arms crossed over your chest, bottom lip jutting out into a pout.

Minghao has already taken your spot, hands on the same steering wheel that you were planning on smashing with your head just minutes ago. He’s quiet for a few moments as he backs out of the driveway and starts driving down the street, the car echoing nothing but your soft sniffles that haven’t seemed to stop.

When Minghao opens his mouth again, you’re bracing yourself for a round of chiding, but all that comes out is a one-word question. “Pop?” He takes your silence as a confirmation, and soon enough Minghao is pulling up to that same convenience store. “Do you want me to get it for you?” he asks after he’s parked in front of the convenience store.

You purse your lips together, finally letting yourself turn to look at him. You really want to be mad at him but when you catch the way his fingers are shoved into his pockets, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he awaits your answer, you start to realize that Minghao might be just as apprehensive about this as you are.

“It’s fine,” you mutter, unbuckling your seatbelt so you can get out, Minghao following you quickly.

You’re the first to walk in this time, grabbing a Cola for yourself before looking at Minghao with a raised brow. When he nods, you toss him another can and he makes his way to the cash register. He’s about to pull out his wallet when you’re brushing past him and getting there first, holding up your card to the machine proudly.

“Just because I don’t want to be in any more debt to you,” you murmur, handing Minghao a can after you’ve paid for them both. You lead the way, walking out of the door and slotting yourself into the passenger seat of your car and Minghao gets into the seat next to you, turning on the engine.

You’re still quiet when he starts driving towards your apartment building, and you think that this is the perfect chance for you to drown in the silence. Maybe if you pretend you’re alone, you’ll be able to forget about all the thoughts running through your mind.

Pressing your eyes shut, you slump down into your seat and just as you’re about to let your mind drift into the silence, you hear a familiar rattle of the snare and guitar bridge and your eyes snap open, staring at Minghao directly. He faces forward, eyes trained on the road as he pulls closer to the curb in front of your complex, sighing deeply when the car starts to slow down.

“What are you trying to do Minghao?” you finally say weakly, burying your face in your hands. “You—you’re playing Creep and you took me to get Cola and all you were supposed to do was take me home so—”

“Can I not try to make you feel better? I don’t want you to be upset, so I’m sorry if I’m trying to do the things I know you enjoy,” Minghao responds with a heavy breath, parking in front of your building just like that night he did when he picked you up from the bus stop after you met with Renjun.

The deep strumming of guitar and vibrations of the bass bounce off the walls of your car, and you slip into your seat as the words of the song sink in.‘What the hell am I doing here?’ Glancing up at Minghao, your vision grows blurry. “Minghao …” your voice is quiet and strained when you call for him, and in that moment, you know.

All those years ago when you wanted to kiss him and hold him and pull him close, but you didn’t because you were scared. When you wanted to let your tongues collide and tug at his hair, but you didn’t because you had so much to lose.

You still have so much to lose, but you’re not scared anymore.

And it seems Minghao isn’t either.

Tonight, you get to taste the lingering drops of Cola on his tongue. You get to feel his arms fumbling over the armrest, slipping around your waist and yanking you onto his lap. You get to hold his neck and let your fingers sit in his hair. You get to indulge.

Minghao’s mouth is hot against yours, tongue lapping at your bottom lip when you take a sacred moment to breathe on top of him before your eyes are fluttering back shut and your lips mold into one once again. He hugs you so close you don’t know how you can still breathe, don’t know how your bones don’t melt into each other in this burning moment.

Your lips work fervently to slide against each other in a wet, calculated mess that has you whimpering into Minghao’s mouth when one of his hands cups your jaw. His thumb is soft against your cheekbone when he tilts your head to the side so that your noses brush against either and his lips delve deeper into the caverns of your mouth.

You don’t know how long you two go at it, fingers grappling at whatever skin you can, Minghao’s hand brushing under your shirt and stroking the plush of your hips. And when you feel like you can’t breathe anymore because your heart is so full, you pull away, letting the thin string of saliva connect your shiny lips.

Your brain is foggy and you and Minghao simply sit in the comfortable silence. Well, almost comfortable silence.

You shouldn’t try to depend on anyone.

“W-wait,” you stutter when Minghao leans forward in hopes to catch your lips in another fleeting kiss. “Oh my god,” you mutter to yourself, pushing his shoulders back against the seat as you try to shuffle off his lap.

Minghao holds your waist tightly, but you break free of the grasp. “What are you doi—hey, wait a sec!”

“You said you’re trying to make me feel better but you just did exactly the opposite,” you scoff, slipping on your coat as you push the car door open.

“What are you talking abo—” You cut him off by slamming the door, and Minghao quickly grabs your keys and follows after you. “Slow down.”

You whip around to face him, tears streaming down your face for what feels nth time tonight. “Look, you left like two months ago spewing all this stuff about how I should be independent but the second you come back you act like you’re trying so hard to make me feel better and stuff and then—” You take a deep breath, “—then we makeout and you—fuck I don’t know, I don’t know what you expect from me! Do you just expect me to forget about this and not get upset when you leave again?” you choke out. “Just keep my keys and drive yourself back to your place. I’ll pick up my car later,” you mutter.

“Can you stop doing this? It’s just like what happened last time, and I don’t want to have to leave if you’re—if we’re not okay.”

“What ‘we?’ Weren’t you the one who told me to not expect anyone to stay? I’m not going to do this ‘we’ and ‘us’ thing with someone who is just going to leave all over again. I’m not going to expect you to stay.”

“Look, I just don’t want this to be hanging over your head when I’m gone.”

Ironic, you think to yourself. You want to tell Minghao that he’s been hanging over your head ever since you met him all those years ago, but you bite back the words.

“Minghao,” you say, your voice strained and tired, “I’m already exhausted and my brain isn’t working so can you please just give me my space.”

And if Minghao is one thing, it’s not pushy, and you know that this is all it takes to get him to back off. Though, you don’t miss the way his face falls as he steps back quietly.

“See you,” he mutters through gritted teeth as he turns on his heel, and you can’t tell if you’re relieved or bothered by the way he leaves so silently.

You don’t see Minghao or Jun after that night. They’rewere  supposed to leave for Korea in the next four days, and so you spend those four days lodged up in your apartment, not leaving unless absolutely necessary—you’re scared that you might run into one of them, as pathetic as that sounds.

Jun doesn’t text you and you don’t text him. It’s a bit abnormal, you two communicate at least once every two days, if not more. It’s a bit of an unspoken rule, but now that you’re both hot-headed and very much not in the right mind, you figure some rules are meant to be broken.

It’s two days after Jun and Minghao were scheduled to leave, the only confirmation that you got that they actually did leave being the group picture at the airport your father sent to the family group chat.

Jianing comes to your apartment when you finally call her over, quickly picking up on your sullen state.

“I don’t get it,” she says with a shrug after you explain to her everything that happened between you and Jun and Minghao.

“Well yeah, I guess you don’t, but this has been going on for a while,” you reply begrudgingly, sinking into your couch as she stares at you blankly from your armchair.

“Just—I dunno—talk to them?”

You give her a funny look. “How?” you groan, throwing your head back. “They won’t be back for like a month at least, and I don’t want to call them.”

“I forget they’re famous sometimes” Jianing mutters, rolling her eyes, and you laugh at the comment.

“You and me both,” you say, straightening your back.

“But still, I don’t get it. I mean just visit them?” she suggests casually.

“I can’t just fly up to Korea unannounced!” you exclaim, bewildered.

Jianing rolls her eyes at you and you frown. “Why not? I mean you just said this might go on for a while if you don’t talk to them so I don’t get it. Just go see them.”

YOURS TRULY

you: chan i need ur help [8:13 AM] chan: this is ur first time texting me in three months [8:15 AM] chan: so i am going to assume this is pretty important [8:15 AM] you: i’m at incheon airport [8:16 AM] chan: what [8:17 AM] you: what [8:17 AM] chan: jun didn’t say anything about u coming??! [8:19 AM] you: DON’T TELL HIM [8:19 AM] chan: what … [8:20 AM] you: i’m surprising him [8:20 AM] chan: ????? [8:21 AM] chan: who knows [8:21 AM] you: um you do [8:21 AM] chan: thank u [8:22 AM] chan: so what do u need [8:22 AM] you: can u pick me up [8:23 AM] chan: i don’t have a choice do i [8:24 AM] you: nope :3 [8:24 AM]

When black SUV stops in front of you by the curb at the airport, you smile brightly, waving at the driver as the windows begin to roll down. You’re about to chirp a quick, “Hi Chan!” but the words get caught in your throat when you see who’s driving.

“Jeonghan?” you ask confusedly. He waves at you from the front seat, and Chan sticks his head in from the back to look at you through the window.

“I’m sorry!” he exclaims, opening the door to help you pull in your suitcase and get situated into the back seat. “Look, I tried to leave without anyone noticing but they saw me so I told them I was going to the gym, but he said he wanted to come and —” Chan glares at the man in the passenger seat, “— I don’t even know why since he hasn’t gone to the gym in ages—”

“Watch it Chan!” Jeonghan calls out from the front as the cat starts to move, pulling an eye roll out of the boy sitting next to you.

“Whatever. Basically, I had no choice but to bring him along and tell them I was actually picking you up.”

“You guys didn’t tell Jun, did you?” you ask worriedly.

“I—no,” Jeonghan says. “And even if we tried, he won’t be awake for another hour or whatever. That’s besides the point anyways—Chan is terrible at lying.”

“You caught me off guard! I wasn’t expecting to see anyone this morning, so I didn’t have any excuses prepared …” Chan huffs, sinking into his seat as you glance back and forth between them nervously.

“Thank you for trying anyways,” you say sincerely, adjusting in your seat. “I know this was all really sudden but I didn’t plan anything out and I kinda ended up here before I could even process anything,” you add.

“Hey, Minghao was telling us about these really good cupcakes you make—if you have time, can you bake them for us?” Chan asks, out of the blue.

You give him a funny look and then smile. “Sure, if I have the time. I’d like to—they told me Mingyu tries to make them for you guys.”

“Yeah! That would—”

“Thank you, but I’m going to assume that you are here for a reason other than making us your infamous cupcakes,” Jeonghan says, merging onto the freeway.

“As much as I’d love for that to be why I’m here, you’re right,” you mutter, resting your head against the headrest.

“Is everything alright?” Jeonghan asks.

As you’re about to respond, Chan chimes in. “This is about Jun, isn’t it?”

“Ai—Channie, don’t jump to conclusions,” Jeonghan reprimands but Chan shakes his head, holding his hand up as he turns to you with wide eyes.

“No, no, I’m not assuming anything. I’m right, aren’t I?” Partly. Chan continues. “Well it’s just—I can kinda tell. He’s being a little snappier. Jeonghan wouldn’t know but—“

Jeonghan gives Chan a warning look through the rear view mirror. “What do you mean I wouldn’t know?”

“Hannie, just listen to me. So me and Soonyoung and Minghao and Jun have been practicing at night right—for that next performance—and you know that Jun has a bit of a temper, especially in the night, but I don’t know—it’s just been different recently.”

You stifle a scoff when Chan mentions Jun having a short temper, looking out the window hoping no one heard. Jun does have a bit of a fiery streak, but the truth is that you’re just as sporadic as him.

Fire meets fire. Huh, wonder what that makes. More fire, probably. That’s what got you here, isn’t it? Unfortunately.

“Has, uh,” you pause wondering if you should ask this, but curiosity does kill the cat, after all. “Has Minghao seemed … off?”

Jeonghan narrows his eyes at you. “What’s Minghao got to do with this? Did something happen with him too?” Curse that emotionally intelligent man.

Chan eyes flicker between the ground and you. “It’s hard to tell when Minghao is upset. He seems normal even when he’s upset so I can’t really tell … why though?”

“Just—just a lot of stuff. I think I need to see them both. Separately.”

Jeonghan nods, pursing his lips together before responding, “Do you need our help?”

Jeonghan takes you to his apartment first so you have a moment to drop your suitcase off somewhere, and you get to say hi to Seungkwan who you’re pretty sure didn’t even recognize you in his drowsy state.

“Where’re we going?” you ask when you get back outside of the building heading towards the car.

“C’mon, let’s walk,” Chan says, pulling you away from the car.

“Jun’s apartment building is just down the street here,” Jeonghan explains. “He should be sleeping right now, so just wake him up.”

“Are you kidding me? He might kill me!” you complain with a frown.

Chan huffs, “Well you did come here unannounced and without a plan, so you don’t have much of a choice anyways.”

You chew on your lip as you fruitlessly try to come up with an answer, sighing in defeat when you come up with nothing.

“Exactly,” Jeonghan concludes, stopping in front of a building that’s built similar to his. “Anyways, his suite number is 345 on the third floor. You should know the code to his apartment right?”

You nod, but then shake your head. “I know it, but I think I’ll just knock until he wakes up. He might actually kill me if someone shows up inside his home unannounced.”

Chan laughs at that when the two of you lead you to the elevator of this new building. “That, he might.”

“So encouraging,” you mutter, sticking your tongue out at them as the elevator door opens. “Anyways, thank you for helping me, really. I’ll make cupcakes if I make it out of this alive,” you promise while you step in.

“You better!” Jeonghan calls out as the doors slide shut and the elevator begins to take you up.

It’s now, when you’re alone, that it all begins to sink in. You’re in Korea. You’re about to see Jun. You might die—okay maybe you’re being a little dramatic, but you aren’t sure what to do with yourself so your mind is jumping towards the worst possible scenario as you reach the third floor and make your way to his apartment.

You stand in front of room 345 for a few moments once you arrive, not even sure if you’ll manage to go through with this. What the fuck are you even going to say?

(Un?)fortunately, you have a tendency to not think before you act, and before you have a second of thought your knuckles are rapping against the door. It’s silent for a moment and you wonder if you should go again.

Taking a deep breath, you continue knocking on the door at a steady rate before you hear soft footsteps growing louder in volume until they stop at the door. You hold your breath and let your hand fall, fisting it at your sides in anticipation.

When you see the door crack open, a wave of relief washes over you. But when you see Jun’s blank face as he looks down on you, a new sense of uneasiness takes over.

“What are you doing in my apartment?” Ah, how nostalgic.

“So cold. You aren’t going to let me in?”

Jun rolls his eyes, and you grow more anxious because you can’t tell if he’s being playful or not. He steps to the side though, and you quickly slip through the door so he can close and lock it behind you.

“What are you doing here?” he reiterates and you feel your tongue go dry.

“Uh, Chan told me that you’re being—well—how do I put this?” you mutter to yourself, rocking back and forth on your feet.

“Difficult?” Jun guesses, bitterness laced in the word and you cringe at the tone.

“I guess.”

“I don’t think you came all the way to Korea just because Chan told you I was being difficult.”

“I, uh, I talked to Jianing about it when she visited and … I guess I felt I should come see you.”

“So if Jianing didn’t talk to you about this, then you just wouldn’t have talked about it?” Jun asks harshly and you glare at him.

“Well it’s not like you would’ve come talk to me about it either,” you retort, and Jun goes quiet at them. “And Jianing didn’t make this decision for me, by the way, I made it all by myself.”

“Okay well you’re here now. What is it?” An uncomfortable silence sits between you two. “If you only came here to just stand there and stare off into space then—”

“Jun, please shut your mouth for like one minute,” you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I-I wanted to apologize. That night I … I was on edge.” Jun watches you intently as you finally meet his gaze. “There was a lot running through my mind and I was just—just fucking annoyed at everything and I took everything you said the worst way.”

A feeling of worry climbs up your throat—you and Jun don’t often apologize, at least not like this. Apologies usually come in the form of figurative olive trees—you buy him a LEGO set, he buys you a gift card to your favorite cafe, or something among that. Then again, this isn’t your usual argument with Jun, and maybe sometimes resorting to more traditional methods are most effective.

Jun sighs softly, not looking at you, and you grow worried that he’s even more angry than you anticipated. You brace yourself for his next possible words. “I … I did say some mean stuff too. I’m sorry—I just—I have a shitty temper. You know that. Chan probably told you that too.” Jun is silent for a second before continuing. “Is … is everything okay?”

The question isn’t quite what you’re expecting and you press your lips together tightly because you want to cry. You want to let the tears stream down your cheeks and tell Jun that you have no idea but also the perfect idea of what you’re doing and it’s all jumbled up mess in your head.

“I guess—I mean, I hate fighting with you,” you admit. “But, that’s why I came here and we didn’t say goodbye the last time and I know that was partly my fault but also I missed you.”

“But are you okay?”

“Jun—”

“Because I know you’re stubborn—it really is annoying sometimes but I’m not one to complain,” he adds with a huff, “and I know you’re a little weird—”

You both laugh and you point a finger at him, “Watch it—you and me both.”

“Whatever,” he says lightly before turning to a more serious tone. “But I never thought we’d fight again like that one time two years ago and—”

“Why does everyone keep bringing that up!? Yiren said that too,” you sigh.

“To make a point. Which, by the way, is me going back to asking you if everything’s okay. I just … I know that you’re a little crazy but I never thought that you’d fly over here for something that we could probably sort out over the phone. Not that I’m not glad to see you here, I mean, I am, I’m just … worried.”

“I kissed Minghao,” you blurt out, immediately slapping a hand over your mouth after you do.

“What?!” Jun’s eyes go wide for a moment before he relaxes a little. “Is that what’s been up with you?”

“What do you mean ‘up with me?’”

“Moody. Cranky. Like you’re in high school again.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You chew on your lip as you try to read Jun’s expression. He doesn’t seem mad nor happy nor confused, and you’re running out of emotions to label him under.

“I knew you liked him in high school, you know. Thin walls, plus Yiren is loud as hell.”

“Ugh, I always told her to keep it down! She didn’t believe me!”

“Doesn’t matter now. What you or him do isn’t much of my business anyways,” Jun mutters, awkwardly stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodies. “I mean I guess it is, if it makes you all upset and not okay like this,” he continues.

You can tell he’s encouraging you to explain more, and you press your eyes together trying to figure what and what not you should say. “Has Minghao … has he seemed different?”

“I mean not really, but also it’s hard to tell with him because—” Your whole finger droops and Jun quickly places a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, what is this about? Did something happen? You know you can tell me.”

“It’s a lot,” you confess. “I don’t know, I-I came here to talk to the both of you but I haven’t even thought about what to say to him. I kind of booked my tickets last night.”

“Last night?!”Jun exclaims. “Are you stupid or what?”

“Maybe I am!” you murmur, slapping your palm against your forehead. Jun looks down at your pained expression and frowns.

“You’re not going to tell me what happened, are you?”

“What happened to, ‘I don’t care what you guys do it isn’t my business?’”

“Well it is my business if you’re upset! I’m the only person who’s allowed to be a bitch to you.”

“Well ditto to you too!” You follow with a sigh. “I think I just need to talk to him.”

“He’s at the gym right now. Do you want to get coffee instead?”

“Hogging me all to yourself? I know you missed me but don’t you think this is a little unfair—I’d like to at least say hi to the others first. Or maybe have some time to sleep. I kind of got here at like seven in the morning.”

“Be grateful! I’m actually looking out for you, because they’ll literally hound you, plus I want to make up for not spending time with you last time I visited.”

You grin at the words, rolling your eyes playfully. “Fine. But you’re paying.”

“When do I not pay for you?”

“Loads of times!”

“That’s because you insist on paying for yourself.”

“Irrelevant!” you exclaim triumphantly, waving a fist in the air before Jun locks his arm around your neck and traps you in a headlock. Good times.

“We have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,” Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.

“Must you take a picture of everything?” you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.

“I am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.”

“Okay well I’m your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.”

“Just like—I dunno—find him and talk to him. Can’t be that hard.”

“You—ugh, you’re just like Jianing,” you groan. “No help!”

“Okay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him to—”

“Junnie what the hell,” you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. “I think I’m just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again because—”

“Okay no. I’ll help. What do you need me to do?”

“Have you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!”

“Well I already suggested the closet but you turned that down so—”

“Jun.”

“We can try the meeting room? He’s there a lot and it’s usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I don’t know, so you won’t be interrupting much.”

“You sure it’ll work?”

Jun cocks an eyebrow up. “You don’t trust me?” You kick him under the table and he winces. “Okay yes, yes, it’ll work so would you stop kicking—hey! I said stop kicking!”

“We have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,” Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.

“Must you take a picture of everything?” you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.

“I am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.”

“Okay well I’m your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.”

“Just like—I dunno—find him and talk to him. Can’t be that hard.”

“You—ugh, you’re just like Jianing,” you groan. “No help!”

“Okay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him to—”

“Junnie what the hell,” you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. “I think I’m just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again because—”

“Okay no. I’ll help. What do you need me to do?”

“Have you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!”

“Well I already suggested the closet but you turned that down so—”

“Jun.”

“We can try the meeting room? He’s there a lot and it’s usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I don’t know, so you won’t be interrupting much.”

“You sure it’ll work?”

Jun cocks an eyebrow up. “You don’t trust me?” You kick him under the table and he winces. “Okay yes, yes, it’ll work so would you stop kicking—hey! I said stop kicking!”

You twiddle your thumbs nervously behind your back as you wait in the elevator with Jeonghan. Jun had to take care of something with one of the other members, so he sent you off with the older boy to take you to the meeting room.

“He’ll be there, don’t worry,” Jeonghan tells you as he pats your shoulder lightly. “I just checked his location and I’m positive he’s there right now.”

“Thanks,” you say with a sigh, shifting your weight from leg to leg, “but I’m more worried about what I’m going to say. I think you already know but I planned like zero percent of this.”

“It’s becoming increasingly evident, unfortunately,” Jeonghan admits when the elevator dings and the door opens onto a floor full of rooms. “You’ll figure it out, I’m sure, seeing as you’re just like Jun.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jeonghan chuckles and leads you to a door a few steps down the hallway, pointing to it. “Don’t worry about it. He’ll be in there. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be down on floor three making some ramen,” he says cheerily, waving at you before retreating to elevatory before you have even a moment to protest.

So now you’re left with nothing but yourself and yet another door. This time, instead of knocking your life away, your hand is pressed against the knob as you debate whether or not you should turn it or not.

Once again, your body acts without your mind and you’re quietly opening the door and poking your head through the crack. Inside is Minghao with headphones over his ears, sitting at the end of a long table with his head crooked down as he scrolls through his lap top.

He doesn’t hear you, but you aren’t sure if it’s for the better or the worse. In some ways, you still have a chance to run, but in others, you’ll have to call out to him if you want him to notice you. Gulping, you realize that you’ve been too scared for too long and so you clear your throat.

“Minghao,” you call out.

It only takes a second for his eyes to shoot up, hands flying to his headphones to take them off as he takes in the sight of you in front of him. You’re at opposite ends of the room right now, and you nervously shut the door behind you as you finally meet his gaze.

“What are you doing here?”

“I—” You inhale sharply. “—I don’t know. I just think we both needed to talk.”

You can see him visibly gulp as he stands up, and looks away as if trying to figure out what he should do with himself.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, dread washing over you.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, face burning. “I know I just showed up like this without warning and I know that’s not fair so if you don’t want to talk you know I totally get it and—” you start to blabber so fast you hardly notice him walking over and down the length of the table, “—I just really wanted to see you and talk to you but I couldn’t do it over the phone because—”

“Slow down,” Minghao says firmly, now standing in front of you as he gazes down with wide eyes. “Is everything okay? When did you come here—wait, did you come here just to talk to me?”

“Well yeah. And Jun.”

“Are you okay?” Minghao asks softly. “This doesn’t seem like you.”

You wince at the familiar words but shake it off. “I know, I just had so much to say and I’m sorry because you were right, and when you said you didn’t want this hanging over my head I was angry and I thought I could ignore this and ignore you but I was wrong and just really needed to sort things out. And the night you picked me up after Renjun and all—I know you told me to not depend anyone or anything—and I know I’m not listening to you right now and I don’t want you to be disappointed but—”

“Stop,” Minghao says, holding a hand up. “Disappointed? I—please don’t think that. The stuff I said that night was …” he sighs before continuing. “You were so upset that night because you didn’t have us around and I felt so bad but also, there wasn’t anything I could do about that.”

“I …” your eyebrows knit together as you try to find the right words. “… I know that. I didn’t mean to make it feel like you had to change anything, or that it was your fault.”

“I know and—”

“Wait, please hear me out. I don’t want to ever make you think that I blame you or Jun for leaving—I-I’m so happy for you guys you don’t understand. I was just … I was bitter,” you admit. “And I was jealous of you because you get to be around my own brother more than me and … I guess I was also jealous of Jun because he gets to be around you so often too.”

You finish your confession by burying your face in your hands, face heating up as you can only imagine the look on his face. He says your name softly, and you peek up at him through the gap between your fingers.

“Hey, no, I get it. I mean, I guess I don’t exactly understand how you’re feeling but I don’t blame you either.”

“I wrote you a letter,” you blurt out, a hand digging into your pocket as it toys around with the folded paper inside. Minghao raises a brow, and you pull it out and hold it in front of him. “Right after you guys left,” you explain as he takes the paper from your hand, carefully unfolding it. “Don’t open it now! That’s … embarrassing. Just read it when I’m not here or something because I might just die out of humiliation.”

When Minghao chuckles, you feel some of the tension in your shoulders dissolve. “Noted,” he murmurs, tucking it into the pocket of his sweats before turning his attention back to you with a more serious expression which has your stomach tying up in knots.

“You know how my job is. I can’t promise how often I’ll be home and when I’ll be able to make time and I know that people leaving hurt you so much and … I guess I just didn’t want to give you hope that I would be able to give you a ‘normal’ relationship, because I can’t, even though I want to. I think when I told you all that, I just—fuck—I hoped that you’d be able to focus on someone better for you.”

You want to cry and tell him that you don’t want someone ‘better,’ but choose to save those words for a different time. “T-then why’d you kiss me that night?” you ask quietly.

“I—” Minghao pauses, looking down as he searches for what he’s about to say. “I only have so much self control.”

You chew on your lip, debating if you should frown or grin at his statement. “So you—you wanted to kiss me?” Minghao responds in a heartbeat.

“Of course I did,” and then he clears his throat, “I wanted to for a while. I still do.”

Chuckling nervously, you start to say, “I don’t kn—”

The air is successfully sucked from your lungs when Minghao slides his hand around your neck, angling your jaw up with his gentle thumb. You think you might just go dizzy from the way he’s touching you until his warm mouth presses against yours, and this is the moment you feel every last muscle in your body let go.

He kisses you softer than the first time, his tongue running against your bottom lip for only a moment before you let your hand grip at his torso instinctively. “Sorry,” Minghao murmurs sheepishly when he breaks away. “Told you. Only so much self control.”

“I-I won’t complain,” you admit quickly, and though you let your hand drop to your side, Minghao keeps his where it is: cradling your cheek. He’s quiet for a moment before whispering again, and the words make your face burn and your heart fly around in circles.

“Can I kiss you again?”

link to smut!

“You have everything? Your tickets?” you ask as you lean against the doorframe. You’re both standing outside your parents house right now, waiting for Jun to finish his last bit of packing (why he was so insistent on you two coming quickly when even he wasn’t ready is still a mystery to you) so you can call over the van to take them to the airport.

Minghao shrugs at you, pulling out his wallet to look through the pockets to double check. As he’s shuffling through them, a familiar piece of paper sticks out and grabs your attention. “You keep my letter in your wallet?”

Minghao nods, seemingly unbothered by your surprise. “Yeah. Where else would I keep it?”

“Well, I don’t know but—”

“It’s a cute letter!” Minghao reasons. “And I like having it with me. Like a little good luck charm.”

You press a kiss to his cheek when he says that, but continue to say, “I don’t get what’s so cute about me getting drunk and writing to you.”

“Okay that part, I don’t like. Seriously. Underage drinking is not cool,” Minghao mutters. “But the rest of the letter is pretty nice I guess,” he teases, tucking his wallet back into his pocket.

“Pretty nice?” you scoff, trying to snatch the wallet back from him to grab your letter. He swipes it away too quickly though, and you’re left pawing at his chest to try and get it back. “You don’t deserve that letter! I put my heart and soul into it!”

“Heart and soul? I think you mean you poured five shots of vodka into it.” You frown deeply, and Minghao relaxes his shoulders. “Okay I’m sorry—you know I love the letter.”

“Do I?” you huff stubbornly, looking at the ground.

Minghao traces a hand down your face and tilts your chin upwards. “C’mon look at me,” he murmurs, and you begrudgingly meet his gaze. “I love the letter.” He pecks you on the lips. “Do you believe me now?”

“You might have to kiss me one more time for that.”

Minghao grins and presses his lips on yours again, a little harder this time. “Good now?”

“Yes—you got lucky.”

“Okay good … but just for extra measures, I have something that might sweeten the deal,” Minghao tells you, pulling a folded paper out of his pocket and handing it to you. Carefully, you take it and unravel it, glancing over the words.

There’s a lot—like a lot—and Minghao’s face flushes as you skim over the paragraphs he wrote, slapping a hand over the paper. “Okay don’t read it in front of me!” he whines, and you beam because history has a tendency to repeat itself.

“Fine, fine,” you sigh, looking down at it one more time when your eyes catch a little note at the bottom.

Pursing your lips, you glance up and find Minghao watching you with wide eyes and a bright smile, and you can’t help but fling yourself into his arms. Your heart swells when you feel him wrap his hands around you rightly pulling him close as the words cast their imprint into your mind.

You’re happy. So, so, so happy.

Yours truly, Xu Minghao (weirdo)

P.S. I love you.

a/n. okay wow i can't believe this is done ... genuinely put so much into this fic i hope u all enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! i definitely might be writing more about these two bc i loved them so much😭 i had like 2 more ideas for a smut in mind but decided not to add them but if you'd be interested in reading them, i might post them as a oneshot/bonus, so lmk what you're interested in! please reblog if u did, and let me know ur thoughts—it would mean a lot to me :3

tags. @synthetickitsune @ixayjun @leejihoonownsmyheart @dahliatopia @gyuswhore @hoeforcheol @5xiang @hajimelvr @miriamxsworld @blinkjunhui @lixiel0ver @josefines-things @mimisxs @ming-h0e @kawennote09 @bbyjjunie @junhui-recs @ichorjeon (strikethrough could not be tagged)

[bunny-rambles]

congrats on 200 followers!! you just got another one!! meeee!! (im going to binge read all your work hehe) 😁😁🥳 may i request 21, angst to fluff with scara?? and could you include the quote “pretty little liar”

also can i be boba tea anon??🧋stay safe!

21 - “Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

characters; Scaramouche, gn reader

cw/tw; Nightmares, surrealism, hurt/comfort, Scara attacks you (but not really), let me know if I missed anything

word count; 1.1k

notes; Hello !! Yes of course you can be added to the anon list, you’ve been there for a while and I hope you’re still hanging around !! Your request has been added, I hope you like it even though it’s been so long since you’ve sent this in. As always, going through my writers block so I’m sorry if it’s not that great

Please reblog if you like this!!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The heavy doors slammed shut as you were thrown to the ground, the guards behind you laughing as you let out a quiet groan. Your head raised slowly to face the back of your now-ex lover, your breath catching in your throat.

“Scara, I never-“

He raises his hand in warning, and you fall silent. He motions for the troops behind you to leave, and when the door closes again, the two of you were the only people left inside the room.

“I trusted you.” His voice is quiet, his words blunt.

“And you can still trust m-“

“Stop lying to me!” He whips around to face you, the tips of his fingers crackling with violet electricity, matching his iridescent eyes. “When were you going to tell me you betrayed the Fatui?!”

The world shifted around you as you took a step back, small cracks forming behind the man you loved. Dark purple outlined his figure, sparks flying almost uncontrollably out of his hand. You had never seen him so… You couldn’t quite name it. He was angry, yes, but there was something much more. Your eyes moved up to his face - only then did you catch the glimpse of a lone tear sliding down his cheek, dripping down the edge of his jaw and landing on the floor.

Ah. Hurt. That’s what he was feeling. Betrayed and abandoned; it had a funny little way of squeezing its way in his life.

You wanted to reach your arms out, hold him close, comfort him like you’ve done countless times. Unfortunately, you were the cause of this. Well, you would’ve been if the rumour he heard had been true. No, you didn’t agree with the Fatui, or the Tsaritsa for that matter, but you would never think of betraying Scaramouche. Not for one second. “Please just listen to me! Don’t you trust me?!”

You heard a quiet scoff, and that was all the warning he gave you before his catalyst rose in the air.

At first, you were too in shock to realise you had been struck by his merciless lightning. Then, the searing pain that started in your chest and made its way slithering through the veins in the rest of your body. You couldn’t move. Even though you desperately tried to cry out, verbalise your pain, you were immobilised. All that you could manage was a weak, warbling mumble of his name. The sound of his thunderous footsteps followed next, too slow for your liking. He was taking his time, or more so, stalling what was about to come - perhaps out of some scraps of love left for you.

“Pretty little liar, but a liar nonetheless. Clearly, some things just weren’t meant to be, like you…”His hand raised once again, casting a shadow over your helpless figure on the ground.

“And me.”

Frantic screaming echoed through the room as it fragmented, dissipating into nothing, and the next time you opened your eyes, Scaramouche was still looming over you. Wait… Something’s different. His eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was moving, but there was nothing coming out. Confused, you tilted your head at him and your lips moved to mouth his name. When your eyes began to focus, your vision blurred by tears, everything began to make sense.

There was no purple glow anymore, no catalyst by his side, no harbinger number six. It was just your Scara, panic painted on his face even though he tried to conceal it.

“What… What happened?” Your words slurred when you attempted to speak, confirming your theory further.

“I don’t know, you tell me. You were the one who started screaming out of nowhere, dumbass.” Scara’s voice held none of its usual bite to it, his soft voice laced thick with sleep as he slowly moved away from where he was looking down at you.

A nightmare.

“Sorry…” You saw him shake his head as you began to prop yourself up on your trembling arms, only for them to slip from underneath you. His hands caught you before you could back on the bed, helping you sit up properly. Before you could apologise again for waking him up, he pulled you to lean against his chest, one of his hands stiffly moving up and down your back. Even in the state you were in now, you couldn’t help the upward curl of your lip at the small action. The harbinger wasn’t the best at comfort, and you could tell he was only copying you when you comforted him with his own nightmares, but he was still trying - for you.

“What happened?” He asked after a moment, his hand moving more fluidly against your back once he found a rhythm he was satisfied with.

When you blinked, flashes of vibrant purple eyes staring down at you plagued your memories, and you shook your head to rid yourself of them. From your silence, and the tears beginning to stream down your face, he could tell this was no ordinary run-of-the-mill dream about a fantastical scenario.

“… You don’t have to-“

“It was about you.” The two of you spoke at the same time, and both of you stared back at the other with owlish expressions. Your partner nodded at you to continue, and you took a deep breath to compose yourself.

“I’m not too sure about the details. But you thought I’d betrayed the fatui. And…” You let out a shaky breath, trying to push yourself through. “You… You…”

“Enough.” His voice silenced you, making you look in his direction.

“… Betray the Fatui all you want. Hell, join the traveller for all I care,” He scoffed, raising a hand to carefully wipe away your tears. “But I would never hurt you. I promise.”

“You wouldn’t?” You whimpered quietly, and the sound broke his non-existent heart.

“Never. I don’t care what side you’re on, nothing could make me do that.”

You heaved a heavy sigh of relief and slumped against the man you loved, snuggling your head against his shoulder. “Okay…” Hesitantly, he pressed his lips against the crown of your head and slid his arm around your shoulders, holding you closer.

Eventually, he noticed that your breathing had softened and evened out, bringing him to the conclusion that you had fallen asleep. The puppet drew you in closer, a rare smile spreading across his lips. No. Nothing in the universe could ever make him think of putting you in harm's way. Not the fatui, not the gods… Not Celestia itself. He’d rather die than let anything happen to you. And as he pressed his lips against your forehead before laying you back down, he hoped it would never have to come to that.

You and him, this was something that was meant to be.

[drunkjaked]

Omg I'm kinda embarrassed I know you said it's not bad to reply late but this is getting out of hand... how did your presentation go? I ended up not going to the other concert because my brothers got sick and he's was my ride 😔 but I was supposed to see barns courtney he's super good live it would've been so much fun 😔 I got the necklace!! I think it's called the ballina necklace? But it's basically just the logo with a pearl in the middle it's so pretty I love it like it's my own child <3 your Spotify wrapped... miss ma'am... like that's so valid of you but damn top .005% like I can't even imagine that I just. Wow. But again so valid I love that for you <3 I don't use Spotify so I don't get all the fancy graphics and data and all that but I do get my top songs of the year and my top artist of the month which is cool but I do kinda wish I could participate 🥲 it's fine though I like the app I use! I hope you're doing well, and I hope that school isn't too bad cause lord knows it can be -_- do you have any plans for the holidays? And yeah honestly matching boba and mcdonalds I think we were meant to meet <3 I hope you have a wonder amazing day/night and that every day gets better and better <3 -💕

hey 💕💕💕don't worry about it really !!! just glad to hear from you at all <333

wow.. the presentation.. i absolutely fucked up my 7 seconds of speaking time .. humiliating, but the rest of the group did so well and im really proud of them for staying calm and getting shit done <3 im also in love with one of the boys that was in the group and we all went out for drinks after doing the presentation and i drunkenly told him that i hoped the two of us would still keep talking after finishing the pres even though we don't have to and he like .. reciprocated my hopes and told me that he thinks im cute so .. that is .. just lovely.. anyway sorry for dumping all that out in here, my bad..

sorry that you couldn't go, i hope your brother is feeling better though !!! and omds that necklace is so SO pretty.. please keep an eye on it because people (me) can just be .. downright evil these days and like.. take your things from you 🤷🤷🤷.. especially the ones that they think are really beautiful and also want to possess.. haha,,, happy for you. 🙁.

my spotify wrapped.. i was like asking other people about theirs and like .. my friend's top song was a song she listened to 64 times THE WHOLE YEAR??? like i just .. was so impressed because like every song until my top 6 has 1k plays MINIMUM like .. im so jealous of people who can consume media in appropriate quantities.. it was down from last year though, my total minutes last year were 169k .. yikes .. who was your top artist and what was you top song? if you don't mind answering, also the thing about wrapped is like it's so colourful and full of patterns that it feels a little overwhelming.. like im grateful for the stats but the package it comes in is .. too much AND ITS SO LONGWINDED LIKE IT TOOK 150K MINUTES JUST TO SEE EVERYTHING OH MY GOODNESS 👎👎👎.

i'm doing pretty good honestly.. now that my presentation is over almost all of my school related stress has gone with it, i just have two more things to hand in and i'll be able to just relax and do nothing until january when classes start up again !!!

my holiday plans are pretty tame, my siblings (2 brothers and a sister) are going to come home and we'll spend time together for like a week or something before they all leave but EXCITINGLY.. my birthday is coming up (dec 17) and i'm so excited.. my birthday is literally my favourite day of the year so im reaaaaally looking forward to it even though my plans aren't particularly special 🥳 !

how are you doing? how are your classes treating you? especially around this time of the year oh man.. any holiday plans of your own?

im happy that we did get around to meeting and i hope we can be friends for a long time !!! thank u for the well wishes, as always im hoping the same for you and that you look after yourself and have lots and lots of fun ! all my love 💕, great catching up w u as always <3

[shadowstalker732]

ALRIGHT LETS GIVE THIS POSTING THING A GO

MY REVAN TIME (one of them at least)

Also spoiler warning a guess for a game over a decade old? (Am I meant to say spoiler warning? Who knows not me)

(Please don’t yell at me about stats I do what I want)

Anyway first playthrough where I don’t stop and hard restart Tarris or Dantooine 13 times because choice reasons and me forgetting that stealth is useless and just letting the game auto level for me (learnt that the hard way), I’ve basically done Tatooine but I haven’t beaten the dragon yet cos I wanted to bugger off to another planet first and chose Kashyyyk. And I’m down in the shadow lands now (do not worry Zaalbar I WILL GET YOU BACK) and yeah that’s where I’m at.

ANYWAY, Shay or Shar Stalker (because the game won’t let me do non-binary) is a light side Revan. Good of heart dumb of ass and yet will still rob you dry if you place bets on a strategy game against them. Height wise around the 1.6m mark (5′3″ for the Americans). Prefers the double lightsaber look (currently got a short green one and a normal blue one for amnesia version). Not a flirt but definitely had something going on with my Exile in the past but that ended in the Mando war at some point… teenagers in war don’t usually do well mentally wise.. back story and post events of Kotor under the cut (also warning it’s long, like super long, and goes into their future story? As well)

SO BACKSTORY,

Shar got some Mando blood floating in their veins from some ancestor and that causes them to go full buir sometimes hence why Mission, Zaalbar, HK-47, T3-M4 and Juhani get bed time stores aboard the Ebon Hawk and chocolate space milk whenever they stop (Rev gets some too because who doesn’t love some good old Choccy milk), droid duo get cleaned basically daily while Bastila gets the bird for even thinking that this is a waste of time and resources.

Wait I said backstory… TEMPLE LIFE!

Rascal trio with Exile and Alek at their heels. All three, good of heart dumb of ass. Shar was a prodigy and excelled in basically all Jedi subjects at the time, was pretty popular with most people and just a nice person who didn’t stand for bullshit. Got into a few “heated” (honestly that’s an understatement) arguments with council members about how some things in the galaxy were handled but mostly had a positive response from people. At this time their main saber was purple and their off hand a short cyan. Joined the Republic in the Mandalorian wars a few months before their 17′th birthday. Didn’t not return to the Temple once after leaving for war.

The War 

(I should mention I get most of my knowledge from wiki skims (not deep reads) and other Tumblr posts so if it’s off canon… it’s my story and Star Wars is my sand box so I MAKE THE RULES HERE BABY!)

After many battles and the relationship between the battle trio growing stronger with time it was also weakening. At one point Shar and Exile had a romantic relationship going but only kept that going for a few months, they both decided that this was not the time to be doing this and if they both survived would actually give the lovers thing a shot (doesn’t happen). Throughout the war all three realise that they must make sacrifices to stop the war, the old saying “sacrifice one to save the many” is said often between the three at first before it becomes second nature. During one of the battles Shar’s cyan lightsaber is completely destroyed including the crystal being completely shattered. After taking the mantle of the Revanchist only uses the name Revan and never removes the helmet unless it’s only the trio and only then will respond to their old names. All three are slipping mentally in this war but have all managed to hold onto the Light side by trusting each other. After the mass shadow generator event Revan looses all contact with Exile (force and otherwise) and assumes death, despite it being Revan’s own order it’s a major pushing point towards the dark.

The End of the War

Revan faces off against Mandalore the Ultimate and slays him, in his dying breathe speaks of the Sith Empire growing in the Unknown Regions and how this war wasn’t only about giving the Mandalorian’s a good fight but also to weaken the republic for Ultimates Empire allies. Not many Mandalorians knew of the Sith truth behind the war and just followed their Mandalor’s word that this war would bring them the honour of a good fight, and it did in a way. After Revan learns of the empire growing hidden amongst uncharted routes, knew that the council would never believe them and so took matters into their own hands. Taking a fleet and insisting it was to chase down the last of the Mandalorian high command, Revan left for the unknown regions.

The Unknown 

Yeah everything went to shit. Rev and Alek get captured and Sith tortured and kind probed by old man Sith Emperor but in that time Revan gains acute knowledge via reverse mind prob, of how the Sith empire is running, where resources are coming from and key weak points. During this time Alek falls completely and Revan fains it for now. Torture continues for a good while until Revan makes the choice that they have been making all through out the war “sacrifice one to save the many”… Revan embraces the dark side and makes a plan, a plan to empower the known galaxy enough to destroy the “true” Sith empire by uniting it as their own Sith empire. Revan knows light will always rise to face the dark and that the light side is strong, someone will rise to take them down after the “true” Sith empire is defeated and only in death will Revan have fulfilled their promise to the unknown Mandalorian and finally be able to be one with the force. Revan embraces the dark fast and is soon sent off by the Sith emperor who thinks Revan is under his control to take control of the star forge and start building the Sith army in the known galaxy, Revan assumes command with now Malek as their right hand.

Beginning of Darth Revan

Basically what is described in the first Kotor game, Darth Duo go find star maps, get to forge, start fucking up the galaxy yadeyadeya. Malek pulls a sick move and fucks up Revan’s plan to stop the Sith Emperor and boom Amnesia time baby. Oh also during Sith times used a red and their old purple lightsaber but when they got captured by Bastila both lightsaber’s goy yoinked and locked up on Coruscant for simple reasons. 

No Memory Time Baby

Council is smart as fuck and call them Shay Stalker AKA their old name to see if that will reawaken light memories or thoughts in Revan and basically try and nudge amnesia Rev to stay lightside cos they don’t want to see their lost padawan fall back to the dark, (Jedi are a complicated subject), also ONLY SHAY no mention of their other name Shar at all! So that will cause problems later for poor Rev when they start remembering things :), basically the game from here on. Memories of a calm life on a farming planet before joining the military, lost both their siblings (AKA Alek and Exile) while away on service. Joined to stop the Sith from taking any more innocent lives. Throughout the game Shay try’s to help as many people as they can and choose the option that will benefit good and innocent people, constantly says fuck to corporations and nasty people, is not afraid to kill a bitch. As I haven’t completed the game fully (but I am planing a lightside finish and I’m not exactly sure when the “I am Revan” bit comes in I’m gonna leave this as it is. Oh and blue main saber and a short green saber with a crystal they managed to purify (AKA was red but returned to its natural colour through meditation and force cleansing, also helped by Bastila)

Memories

Like I said I haven’t finished the game yet BUT after the whole “oh fuck oh stars IM REVAN?????” Lots of shit starts to make sense and the force “spell” (I’m gonna call it spell) that repressed Revan’s memories had already begun to weaken somewhat before this point but this kinda opens the flood gates but not too far just enough for it to not make any sense at all. Team is there for Rev and the game finishes lightside. (Also I know I said this rev not gonna romance but this is post game stuff now and I just don’t wanna romance Bastila in game so yeah) ANYWAY, Revan and Bastila build a healthy relationship together and Revan starts to regain a lot of memories that their friends help them through. Revan remembers why they took the name Revan and actually goes to Coruscant to the high council to explain why they put on the helmet in the first place and the Council adheres to Revan’s request and returns the original helmet. The Star forged one stays in storage for now. Revan also requests their old armour and lightsabers to help regain memories as to why they fell, the council is hesitant at this request and only allows Revan to meditate with their old things at the main temple with a council member present. Over one or two years a lot comes back but there is still a few key dates, names, moments and details missing. Oh and Revan uses force powers to make Bastila preggers. IF BOBA FETT CAN SURVIVE A SARLAC AND PALPATINE CAN EXIST IN THE SEQUELS. REVAN CAN PULL FORCE BULLSHIT TOO!

The Unknown part 2: Electric boogaloo 

Revan finally remembers what made them go dark and realises they fucked up their own plans pretty bad and the Republic IS WORSE OFF THAN HOW IT STARTED COS OPPS REVAN ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A SHIT TON OF FORCE USERS LIGHT AND DARK SO yeah. Bastila was holding the brain cell of the force bond in this moment and Revan decides the best course of action is to go face the Emperor alone… fucking brilliant Revan how the fuck did you win the Mandalorian wars again my good sir? Revan tells Bastila that they (Rev) has been assigned a mission to infiltrate the remanence of Revan’s old Sith Empire and basically destroy it from within and that this mission is basically so hush hush that Bastila isn’t meant to know but Revan thought it only fair to say that they would be gone for potentially a long time for this mission and Bastila, unaware that this would be the last time she saw them, accepted this goodbye and hoped they would return before their baby was born. But Revan has always been a good lier… even to themselves. Without anymore fuss they left the Known Galaxy leaving all their friends and family behind never to be seen again to face off against the bitch that started it all. (I haven’t read the novels or played the SWTOR game and never plan to do either so again I say this is wiki knowledge that I’m doing what ever I please with that knowledge because Star Wars is a sand pit and I’m the kindy kid that’s decided to sit and play with it today)

Mmmmm Watcha SaaaaaaaAy

Revan gets their ass handed to them and imprisoned for three hundred years and tortured and mind probed AGAIN. Also cut off their connections to any other force user to ensure old dude couldn’t get to them as well. Absolutely not having a good time here. After the 300 years of PAIN the force within Revan gets so fucked up that their physicality splits into two entirely separate beings, Dark Revan and Light Revan. When this happens the prison breaks and Light Revan makes their escape and gets out barely alive while Dark Revan hangs back and swears allegiance to Sith Empire and starts plotting to overthrow old dude cos Sith. Light Revan makes it back to the council and they heal them and have a very hard time believing they are Revan until Revan perfectly describes a gift they gave Bastila before they left that now a descendent of Revan now owns. The council doesn’t understand how Revan split into two entire different beings but accept “the force acts in mysterious ways at times”. Revan is FINALLY given knighthood and helps prepare the republic for the Sith Empire that hasn’t attacked yet but definitely will soon. And this is where Tarre comes in.

Mando Time Yeah!

My Tarre will get his own beefy post (def not as big as this one) maybe tomorrow or the next day so for now it’s just what Tarre does and means to Revan. ANYWHO, Tarre becomes Light Revan’s padawan. (I should mention that Light Revan despite being called Light Revan is leaning towards a grey area within the force but isn’t down right evil like dark Revan is. Dark Revan is killing puppies of an endangered species cos their bored evil). Tarre is Revan’s padawan and becomes a knight. Revan enjoys teaching Tarre about the force and understanding how Tarre was brought up a Mandalorian and with the peace between Jedi and Mandalorian’s at this point was welcomed into the Jedi temple later than most. Revan raises Tarre like he is their own son/little brother and they form an extremely powerful force bond because of it. I’ll go in depth on Tarre’s post but Tarre still gets Mando training for 4 months of the year but the jedi training is the rest of the year. Revan joins Tarre when he return to Mandalore to continue his Mando training and learns more about Mandalorian history and culture while there. While on Mandanlore Light Revan truely feels relaxed for once despite random Mando’s sometimes jumping out and challenging them to fights because apparently Revan is now a ghost story and a feared mighty warrior legend and when anyone finds out that Revan is “alive” immediately tries to prove that they are stronger than Revan (which they are not). A few years after Tarre is knighted the war with the True Sith Empire begins.

I don’t know what to call this bit sooooo UWU

Battles, fights, old shit, it’s a war. Revan proves to be supper fucking useful in leadership but doesn’t do as much “sacrifice one to save the many” moves anymore. Revan keeps predicting what the Sith are gonna do an THATS cos Dark Revan is leading the, and Revan knows Revan best but not the reverse. Light Revan knows how Dark Revan will act but Dark Revan doesn’t know how Light Revan will act since Light Revan technically includes Shay/Shar, Mandalorian War Revan, Amnesiac Shay, and post Amnesia. While Dark Revan is only really Darth Revan and post Amnesia so Light Revan technically outweighs Dark Revan. I’ve probably butchered that explanation or done it too late but that’s how it’s gonna be cos it’s midnight and I wanna finish this and post it today. ANYWAY, final battle between the Revan’s. They have a massive duel on the battle field and eventually Light Revan strikes Dark Revan down but also receives some pretty nasty injuries. Light Revan understands the need to be whole again and as Dark Revan “dies” reunites with that half of the force and Revan returns but Revan is so done, so fucking done with living and trying and they had a good run and now they have what was Dark Revan’s and Light Revan’s injuries all on one body and sure if Rev really tried they could probably suck the life force out of some Sith warriors to keep themselves alive but… they just don’t want to. Eventually Tarre finds the fallen Revan reunited at last and stays by their side as Revan finally lets go and becomes one with the force. After the battle Tarre brings Revan’s body back to the Temple to be burnt as Revan had requested but their armour, lightsabers, and other possessions would be taken to a place only Tarre knew of to be sealed away until a far descendent of Revan’s comes along to claim them as their own. The war isn’t over and Revan’s passing only fuels Tarre further into defeating the Sith empire that the republic eventually does after 20 years of war. 

Conclusion 

And that’s the overall story of this Revan, I know very long, very deep, wtf this is your second post after a what? 1 year break? Actually let me check… yeah nope about a year has passed since my Crash post. If you have made it this far thanks for reading my first ever “decent” post about something I’ve been developing for a while now in bits and pieces. Sorry it was so long but then again I did miss a lot of shit. If you want to interact and ask more questions about this Revan go ahead my ask box is open (don’t be weird tho and just cos I post long doesn’t mean you have to ask long unless it’s legit). I’ll try and get the Tarre post out tomorrow around this time too or earlier depends. Thanks again for taking the time to read my word vomit. Also sorry if there are any spelling mistakes I have missed.

Have a good one!

[yourdaddychan]

wow-

literally just wow- i genuinely have nothing to say about this please- i cannot explain how much this means to me- there's 1000 of us- *hugs all of you* [ especially the porn bots ] *turns into formal luna asf*

i remember when i started in may, just a tiny chatbot with only one mutual, only known to you guys as [ answer : admin ]. and now, almost a year later, i have 1k of my chainsaw eating demons who are metal as fuck 💪ive learned so much being on tumblr, as a part of both the skz writers community and the chatbot community. ive made a bunch of friends, lost a bunch of ones, and 1k of you stuck with me. i cannot begin to express my gratitude to all of you, and how much all of you and your interactions with me mean to me. all of the simping, the random stories, everything. i cherish all of it, and i love all of you. aight so letz get to the personal thanking asf

alsoer i kinda wanted to do something sexy so imma do what color they remind me of :D most of them can be found at this link : https://louisem.com/29880/color-thesaurus-infographic

@kvinly linn bb 🥺through all the drama we've been through and shit im so glad we ended up becoming friends again cause we're kinda sexy together 😉thank you so much for being my 1000th follower bb you mean so much to me and if anyone hurts you im about to *turns into jennie and kachows them* licherally lets nevah fight again

-> you remind me of the color punch , and not only because of the name- underneath that grr me edgy grr me bully you're just a softie simp and that reminds me of punch :D

@undeadbots steph 🥺lemme be your personal broken chopsticks pls :( KLDSKLD anywayz we've also gone through some sexy drama and thankfully you saw da light 😉and now look at us, with our own band, and our own producing line 🥺brohemian rhapsody for life bro 🥺 *big kithie for da best dad in da world :D*

-> you remind me of the color viridian , because it gives me confident vibes :D you carry yourself proudly and confidently as you should tbh go steph

@binniesthighs oh look its a cutie *pushes you to a mirror* right there :D RORORO YOUR BOAT :DD we havent talked too much, besides my simping for jisung- but you give me very sexy energy so imma propose rq *gets down on one knee* will you be the rororo to my boat 🥺thank you for being my moot :D

-> you remind me of the color espresso , because espresso looks like the color to be pretty chill and laid back, and you're all of those, and calming to be around

@toshis-flower BAYBEE BEBE BEEBEE :D thank you so much for being my moot and making me a wifey asf ‼️ you're literally so much like me whats not to love <3 JKSDJKD JKJK you're really sweet and really just a good person to rant to, i love you so so so much and i think im going to remarry you :D

-> you remind me of the color taffy , because you're sweet, cute, and bright :D *eats you* yummy

@lov3ric seyoung. i love you. so much. MY SOULMATEEEE :DD even though we tell the story over and over like a bunch of grandmas, ill still never forget how we became soulmates and then bonded over boba 🥺im licherally going to marry you one day like ez 💪also i wanna eat you can i eat you youre really cute *eats you*

-> you remind me of the color daffodil , because it reminds me of banana milk which reminds me of you tbh- buuuttt did you know that daffodils are one of the first flowers you see when spring starts? that definitely reminds me of you because through all of the cb drama, you've always been there with me, like literally always- i cannot express how much i love you *kithie*

@simpchimp LIDDLE CHEESE FUCKER THEMBO :DD drink water *spank* i love you so much you cutie 🥺you're also licherally the funniest person ever like stop bae i kinda need to be the funniest but noer its you 😔alsoer i love how random you are KDSKLD so nevah stop that because then *revz up arm* youre going to get luna-ified

-> you remind me of the color jam , because even though you seem kinda scary at first [ yes i was 100% scared of you ] you're really soft :D

@berrywoo the sun themself 💪you are easily the purest person ive met, and im so happy i somehow became moots with you :D you literally hit diff, yk? theres something about your personality and the way you act thats so comforting, and that means i eat you because youre too cute :D you cant just be a wholeass teacher for kids and expect not to get eaten kids are licherally demons whoever deals with them properly and treatz dem nicely gets a nom asf

-> you remind me of the color honey , because you're a sunshiney yellow, and you're sweet like honey :D i think you need to hear that its okay not to be okay bb, and you can come to my dms anytime you want to rant 😎

@yourchungha MS OG CHUNGHA MS IM KINDA SCARED OF THE SHIT YOU DO MS FURREH LOVER 101 MS ANNA BANANA :D yeah youre like really nice- thats all i have to say- like how tf do you deal with [ redacted ] like eggsplain- ALSO YOURE CARRYING OUR CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE IDK HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE DKSJKD I LOVE YOU FOR THAT AND WE SHOULD HAVE LIKE ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS MORE OFTEN

-> you remind me of the color scarlet , because youre a sexy bitch tf and scarlet gives me 'idc what you think im hot' kinda vibes which is like exactly you

@satosimp WINTER DADDY :DD i lub you asf *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy* ugh the way your personality matches mine is kinda sexy or whatever im also kinda in love with you but lets ignore that part 🙄 💪 *big kithes* *eats your cats casually*

-> you remind me of the color lilac , because it just gives me tsundere vibes, you act like you dont care but really do care :D you liddle sawftie *noms your cheekie*

@nightshade-minho DUCKIE :DD *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy pt 2* licherally bae where the fuck are you i miss you you bettah be doing well in school otherwise im going to smack you with a chappal asf DSJJKSD *eats your cat because hes such a cutie*

-> you remind me of the color marigold , because you're adorable and sunshiney :D

@onigirimeeya MICHIE MICHIE MICHIEIEEIEI MY DAD :DDD i like you mucho much if you didnt know *kithes you* you're like one awf da best listeners ever- which is such a weirdass compliment but its true- you're really good at listening, and just being a comforting presence in general, like when you go to the beach and youre just staring at the waves all edgy mode, and it calms you down a fuck ton

-> you remind me of the color mint , for obvious reasons- mint choco chip cookie michie :DD

@hhjs bae we dont talk a lot but im kinda lurking on all of your posts- JKDSJSKD bae remarry me please youre really fucking hot 😭and the way you have with words is like damn- teach me oppar asf

-> you remind me of the color wine , because you're refined, and carry yourself in a way that makes everyone want to be you. the color wine is rich and deep, which reminds me of the way you write :D

@nsfw-stay MY LICHERAL BABIE YOUVE BEEN AN ANON FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND WEVE TALKED ABOUT SO MUCH SHIT TOGETHER [ a lot about seungmin and jisung but shhh ] I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BB AND I WILL NOM YOU >:( BUT SOFTLY AND OUT OF LOVE *nomz yew* :D

-> you remind me of the color cerulean , because its a baby blue and what fits better than a baby blue yk? you're adorable and squishy and i want to nom you 24/7

@secretary-yeji *iz chan ig cause we dont talk admin to admin* oh erm gee is uncle chrith 😉DKLSKLD my liddle koala :D my liddle burgah :D my liddle aussie :D my besth frien :DDD evah since may i think we've been friends, and i think one of the highlights of that day was me marking you as spam twice and on accident too- LKSDKLSD WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT anywayz thank yew for being uncle chrith's friend *kith*

-> you remind me of the color seafoam , because it's a very soft and light color yk, you're delicate asf which sounds like a bad thing now that im typing it BUT IT ISNT DSKLDSLK YOURE VERY CUTE YOU AND YOUR FLOOFY COWS :D

@ayolistenupp im kinda... in love with you? wtf? KDSDKSL MY DESI DADDY ASF I LOVE YOU SOER MUCH :D our music nights™️ mean so much to me, like theres just something so personal about listening to what the other person likes to hear even though half of your songs are sexy asf KLDSKLD

-> you remind me of the color ocean , because the ocean is loud but calming yk- like you're full of energy but you're also calming :D

@yanderexchungha OH ERM GEE YEW :O YOU PROBABLY WONT SEE THIS IN LIKE 10 MONTHS BESTIE MERRY CHRISTMAS IG KLDSLKD anyway i love you dad your lessons about vape >>> to quote your drunk ass exactly "vape isnt cool" JKSDJ anyway its gonna be sexy if we accidentally run into each other in the hallwayz asf

-> you remind me of grey cause youre a hag- JKJK KDJSD you remind me of the color caramel , because you're sweet, and licherally addictive caramel isnt good for my braces but i keep eating it 😰but youre addictive in a good way :D

@yanderelee literally only doing this because you were moping about not having a simp sunday and im such a good person 🥸you're cool 💪and unfortunately, you're funny too 😥and even though i bully you asf dont take it personally because i dont mean it asf

-> you remind me of the color dijon mustard because you just give those hacker vibes please dont hack me after i said this i like to keep my location private

@kpopswitchbot BESTIE 😏MY FIRST MUTUAL 😏 LICHERALLY DA BEST CUTEST FUNNIEST SMARTEST SEXIEST KEWLEST I CANT EVEN EXPRESS WITH WORDS FISHIE IN DA WORLD :D LICHERALLY STOP OUTDOING ME WITH YOUR GOODNIGHTS LIKE *spankz yew* YOURE LITERALLY TOO GOOD WITH WORDS ITS NOT FAIR- AND THE DAY YOU JUST TALKED TO ME IN SHAKESPEAREAN BECAUSE I FELT DOWN- AND EXPRESSED YOUR LOVE THAT WAY LIKE- PLEASE I ACTUALLY ADORE YOU AND I WILL LITERALLY EAT YOU ONE DAY

-> you remind me of the color coffee , not only because youre addicted to it but also because of the way you act, you're like the definition of an old soul- with the words you use, the drama kid you are asf, etc- you're a talented bitch *mwah* i love you so much you also remind me of those movies where they find an old ass book and they kinda hafta dust it off and it gives you treasure or something cause yeah that reminds me meeting you

AIGHT DAS IT ASF MWAH I LOVE YOU ALL :DDD

[staytheb]

Like Oh 2.0 - Happy Halloween

Previous Chapter: Fansign Word Count: 3,646 Summary: It’s Halloween and everyone’s dressed up for the holiday.

Like Oh 2.0 masterlist

just several more chapters and the story’s over! this makes it... november, december, january, and february i believe. still can’t believe i wrote this with a chapter for at least one month and all that. so yeah, happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

"Thank you, Jyongri unnie, for helping us out with our Haunted House project." Dasol said gratefully dressed as the Joker. "Yeah." Haeryong agreed coming up beside Dasol dressed as Harley Quinn. "Even though it was last minute, you did a wonderful job! Thank you!" "Jyongri unnie definitely did a wonderful job scaring all the people who decided to stop by. Thanks a lot!" Seolbin chimed dressed as a broken doll while Melanie stood beside her friend dressed up as a voodoo doll. "Yeah, thanks." Melanie smiled at Serena who was dressed as a zombie bride. "I'm still hella annoyed that Dayoon and Yerim both bailed at the last minute without giving us a reason. They better not get any credit for this either."

Serena smiled at them all while smoothing out her dress. "You're welcome. I wanted to put this costume to good used since I didn't get to use it last year and now that my hair is back to being all black, too." Serena looked about one of the classrooms at Seoul National University's Arts department while gesturing at the group's makeshift Haunted House. "We're done with all of this, right?" The quartet nodded their heads with collectives 'yeah'. "Great. The makeup's beginning to itch and it was getting hot underneath all that covering." She returned her gazed onto the university students. "So what are you gonna do after this? It's still light out and I'm sure everyone is heading to Itaewon for the real Halloween party later tonight."

"Haha, yes, that's right!" Seolbi grinned as she pointed at her friends while wriggling her eyebrows happily. "I set us up for another group date at eight with our very own Seouldae boys!" The other three let out loud groans. "I'll pass." Melanie declined while moving away from her friend. "I'm not doing those anymore." "Why not Chaewon unnie?" Seolbi pouted as Melanie rolled her eyes. "I already told you." "If Won's not going, then I don't want to go either." Haeryong claimed as she wrapped an arm around Chaewon. "I think I'm done and over with meeting boys through this group thing." "Boo." Seolbi blew a raspberry as Dasol laughed wrapping an arm around her friend's waist. "Don't worry, Seolbi. I guess I'll accompany you."

"Is there going to be free candy?" Haeryong asked with an interested look a second later. "Yes." Seolbi smiled. "Along with chicken and beer." "Call!" Haeyrong agreed as she turned her head to look at Melanie. "Say yes. Please, say yes." "No." Melanie deadpanned before breaking into a smile. "I want to go home and wash off all of this makeup. Jyongri unnie was right. It's beginning to itch." "Oh, Jyongri unnie. Why don't you join us?" Dasol suggested while looking hopefully at the older woman who just shook her head. "I'll pass, too." The other three groaned as Melanie laughed. "She understands me." "You're no fun, Won." Dasol pulled a face as everyone else laughed. "Alright, we need to clean up and that's it." Seolbi announced as the group went about doing so.

An hour later the sisters were on their way back to Serena's apartment while still wearing their costumes as they were too lazy to change out of it. Also they didn't want to bother as they would still have to change once back home to shower. Besides, it was Halloween and the sisters were going to enjoy wearing their costumes for this holiday as they didn't really dress up that often for any of the other holidays. On the way back home Serena decided to drop by Fairy Sweets due to her craving for bubble tea. While she and Melanie were waiting in line to order as the shop was quite busy today, Serena happened to spot two familiar faces and pointed them out for her sister to see just to make sure if they were who she thought they were.

"Hey, Lani." Serena called for Melanie's attention. "What, Rere?" Melanie asked while still gazing at the menu board. "Aren't those your two friends from school, right?" Serena indicated to the two girls both dressed in some cute yet short dresses as Melanie turned her head to where Serena was looking at. "Wow. Serioiusly?" Melanie let out in disgust at seeing the two here in Cheongdam instead of at school. "I honestly bet they came here just to see GOT7 again." "Are they still doing that?" "Yeah. I also found out that the two are actually cousins and not friends." "Wow, really?" "Yeah." "How?" "Dayoon let it slipped a while back and she's been hanging out with Yerim more often." "Makes sense if Yerim is the one dragging Dayoon around with her just to look for GOT7 and other idols." "Yeah, I know."

Melanie returned her attention back towards the menu board. "Luckily my hair isn't partially blue anymore or they would have recognized me already." "True." Serena agreed as she also returned her gazed onto the menu board. "Let's just order and go." "I know, but that's not gonna help speed up the line though." "Obviously." The duo waited a few more minutes before they got a chance to order and they even got their order half off due to their costumes along with a free chocolate chip cookie each. Luckily, they got their drinks quickly and were able to leave the store without being noticed by the other two as they left to head back home.

While riding the elevator up to the fifth floor and still drinking their boba as the duo had already finished their cookie on the way over Melanie and Serena had totally forgotten that they were still dressed up as scary beings. So when the elevator's door opened the other people on the other side instantly let out loud screams and one even threw their bag at them. "What the fuck?" Serena let out in annoyance upon being hit by a bag and making her dropped her bubble tea. On the other hand, Melanie was holding in her laughter at seeing Serena's misfortune while still happily drinking her boba. "You good, Lina?" "No, Lani, I'm not." Serena pouted as she bent down to pick up the item and used her dress to wipe up the mess.

"Serena and Melanie?" A male voice asked while using their English names causing the sisters to look over at the group that had let out screams earlier. "What's up, guys?" Melanie greeted GOT7 who were also wearing their own Halloween costumes while speaking in Korean this time. "Which one of you threw their bag at Jyongri unnie?" Everyone pointed at BamBam who pointed at Yugyeom. "Figures." Serena deadpanned as she passed the idol back his bag while stepping out of the elevator with Melanie in tow. "Where did you guys come from to be dressed like that?" Jinyoung asked a second later. "My school's Halloween project." Melanie answered as she gave them all a look upon analyzing their costumes better. "Where are you guys off to all dressed up?"

"A company event." Jaebeom replied although it was kind of hard to hear him through his Bart Simpson costume as Melanie laughed. "You would dress up as Bart Simpson." "It's Im Bart." Jaebeom corrected with a laugh as he removed the head off of him. "I see." Melanie smiled and  looked at Jinyoung. "The main guy from Descendants of the Sun, right?" "Yeah, although that makes me the main lead." Jinyoung nodded with a smile while Serena noticed that a member was missing. "Is Youngjae still not feeling well?" "Yeah, he's with Coco and just resting." Mark responded as the sisters noticed that he and Jackson were the Mario Brothers. "You guys would be dressed like them." Serena commented as Jackson grinned while speaking in a fake Italian accent. "I'm Mario!"

"And I'm Luigi!" Mark said after also speaking in a fake Italian accent. "Of course." Serena chuckled before looking at BamBam. "Are you supposed to be Dracula?" "No. I'm Bampire." BamBam laughed while making a weird face as the sisters rolled their eyes at his pun of a joke. "Of course you are." Melanie said as she cast a smile in Yugyeom's direction. "You make a cute minion, Yugyeom." Melanie complimented seeing the giant idol in overalls. "Thank you, Chaewon noona." Yugyeom shyly thanked her upon hearing the complimented. "What are you supposed to be?" "A voodoo doll." Melanie smirked while holding up her buddy that was attached to her wrist by a chain this whole time and made the doll waved at them.

"What about you, Jyongri noona? What are you supposed to be?" Yugyeom asked Serena as she was about to sneak away. "A zombie bride." She answered tiredly as Jackson playfully asked, "What happened to your zombie groom,". "I killed him after our honeymoon and ate his internal organs afterwards. His brain was quite delicious and made my hair become black again." Serena smirked in a creepy manner which caused Jackson to back away in slight fear. The others laughed at his behavior as Mark commented on her hair. "Oh, you're back to black now?" "Yeah, my friend set me up again and I was missing my natural hair color, too." Serena answered while playing with her locks. "It's weird, but I'm happy with it.

Jinyoung remembered where they had to be. "Sorry, but we need to get going." Melanie also remembered something. "Be careful. Yerim and Dayoon are around the area, too." "Thanks, Chaewon noona. We'll try to be careful." Jaebeom smiled as Melanie smiled back. "Welcome." "Have fun at the party." Serena told them from her apartment door and waved. "Thanks, noona." The others said with a small smile before stepping into the elevator where they were still holding it opened since the girls stepped out of it. "Welcome!" Serena happily said as she entered her apartment after giving them one last wave. "Yeah, take real care and hope y'all win stuff. Bye" Melanie said making her way to 501. "Thanks, noona!" GOT7 said as they entered the elevator and Melanie bid one last goodbye before entering the apartment.

~~~~~~~

GOT7 returned to their dorm around midnight after their company function. The group of six were surprised to discovered Youngjae in a sea otter onesie, Melanie dressed in a blue koala summer onesie, Serena dressed in a white and brown cat hoodie with a brown kitty face mask, and Coco dressed in a Pikachu onesie who were all knocked out on the sectional in the living room with the movie, Halloweentown High, still left playing. The living room was filled with different types of popcorn, candy corn, and other yummy goodies that the sisters had brought over to keep Youngjae company since he couldn't attend the company party with the others. Plus, the sisters had nothing else better to do and thought it would be fun to hang out with the male idol.

"What is this? Guys, do you all see what I think I'm seeing?" BamBam asked while pointing between the two sisters and looking at the other members. "This is real, right?" The other five nodded their heads still speechless by the scene while Yugyeom tried to look at the sisters closely to tell who was who. "Which one is Jyongri noona and which one is Chaewon noona?" Melanie's koala hoodie was covering the majority of the upper part of her face along with her hair practically hiding the rest while Serena's face mask was only covering the lower part of her face, but she was also sleeping on her side and her head turned slightly away from the males' view.

"I'm pretty sure that's Chaewon noona." Jackson stated confidently while pointing at Serena "And that's Jyongri noona." He pointed at Melanie a second later. "Wait, guys. The more important question is, should we wake them up or leave them be?" Jinyoung whispered as to not disturbed the quartet's sleep. Coco soon stirred, opened her eyes to stare at the group of six, and Mark scooped her up gently so that he could keep her from making any noises while casting his eyes onto the still sleeping trio. "Well, Coco's up." The group held their breaths and froze upon seeing Serena stir awake, sat upright, and finally turned to face them while rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "When did you guys get back?"

"Just now." Jaebeom answered as Serena nodded. "Ah, okay." She looked over at Melanie's sleeping form. "I'll wake her and we can go back." She noticed that their manager wasn't with them either or maybe he was, but she was still asleep if he came in. "Where's your manager?" "He went with the others to Itaewon." Jinyoung informed her with a laugh. "I see." "You know you can just spend the night here, too, noona." BamBam offered with a smile. "Since we've slept at your place, too." "I could, but I would rather sleep in my bed instead of on your couch." Serena chuckled as she stood up and stretched before removing the face mask down to talk and breathe better.

"We thought Youngjae may be feeling left out since y'all went to the company without him and so Chaewon and I figured we'd hang out with him for the night." Serena explained as she made her way to her sister. "It was kind of fun, actually." She patted Melanie on the thigh while calling her name, but the younger woman didn't budge. "I swear this girl can sleep through a storm and won't even know it." Serena muttered in English as she was about to try again to wake her up, but Jaebeom interrupted her. "Why don't I carry her back to your place to save you the trouble, Jyongri noona?" She looked at the idol while standing upright again. "You sure?" "Yeah, I don't mind." "If you want." "I do."

Serena stared at his costume with a small smile. "Are you sure you'll be able to carry her while wearing that, JB?" She pointed at his costume where he was still holding onto the head piece. "Let me get out of this and then I'll help." The male chuckled as he rushed towards his room he shared with Youngjae. "Yeah, we're going to change, too, noona." BamBam motioned at himself and Yugyeom as they followed after Jaebeom a second later. "Yeah, we'll be back, too. Don't you go anywhere, noona." Jackson grinned as he pulled himself and Mark towards their shared room with Coco still in Mark's arms. Jinyoung rolled his eyes, but looked at Serena with a soft smile. "Thanks for keeping Youngjae company."

"It's all good. Why don't you change back into regular clothes, too." Serena told the younger man with a smile as she sat at the empty space by her sister. "Okay." Jinyoung nodded his head as he walked off leaving her and the other two. A second later Serena slid to the floor and began eating the candy while watching the rest of Halloweentown High. The group of six returned to the living room shortly after as Serena stood back up. "I don't need all of you to help me, right?" She asked in a teasing manner as the others shook their heads with soft smiles before speaking again. "Anyways, JB, squat down in front of Chaewon so I can put my sister on your back for you to piggyback her back to my place."

"Okay." Jaebeom complied without hesitation as he squatted while Serena later with the help of Jackson and Jinyoung placed Melanie onto Jaebeom's back. "You're good, right?" "Yeah, noona. No problem." He smiled as he held the back of Melanie's calves to secure her so that Melanie wouldn't fall off of him. "Alright, good to go." Serena made sure that Melanie was safely on Jaebeom's back before looking around to grab both of hers and her sister's belongings along with some other things, but was struggling. "Here, let me help." Mark told her as he took some of her things after placing Coco into Jackson's arms. "Thank you, Mark." She smiled at him while looking at the others. "You guys can have the rest of these. I still have plenty more at home."

"Okay! Awesome! Thanks, noona!" Both Yugyeom and BamBam thanked the older woman as they were already eating the popcorn and candies while sitting on the floor. "You guys should get going unless JB hyung doesn't mind having Chaewon noona sleeping on his back until she wakes up." Jackson chuckled while petting Coco who was slowly falling back to sleep. "Don't worry, we're leaving." Serena chuckled as she re-adjusted her bag onto her shoulder. "We'll be back." Jaebeom told his members as he, Mark, and Serena began making their way out of the apartment. "Don't worry, hyung. I got it from here." Jinyoung said as he waved the quartet off with a slight smirk.

~~~~~~~

'Her room is down that way." Serena pointed down the hallway once the group of four were inside apartment 501. "It's the last one on the right, JB. Do you want me to follow you?" "No it's all good. I got it. Thanks, noona." Jaebeom assured Serena with a smile as he made his way to Melanie's room leaving Mark to follow Serena into the kitchen. "That's a nice costume compare to the one you wore earlier." Mark commented in English as Serena smiled. "One of my sister-in-laws got it for me for my birthday." She set her bags onto the counter whereas Mark set the others onto the dining table. "What time did you and Melanie visit Youngjae?" "I think it was like at nine or something when we headed over. I forgot. We messaged one another through Kakao."

"You guys have each other on Kakaotalk?" Mark asked a bit surprised by the revelation, but Serena didn't catch it as she was too busy sorting through the bags for something. "Yeah, but we hardly messaged until today. He was really bored." Serena chuckled as she pulled out a bag of candy corn. "Here they are." She pushed the hoodie down while freeing her hair and ate a few of the candy corn happily. Mark chuckled at the sight of her. "You're such a kid, Serena." Serena blew a raspberry at him before popping another one into his mouth. He ruffled her hair as Serena swiftly moved out from under his hand and tried to fix her hair. "I told you to stop doing that." "I would if you weren't so cute." "Ew. I'm not cute." Mark didn't respond, but let out a laugh.

Meanwhile Jaebeom easily opened Melanie's bedroom door and used the hallway's lights to shine upon the darkness of Melanie's room for him to see without turning on the main light. Jaebeom first moved Melanie's blanket towards the bottom of the bed so that she wouldn't be sleeping on it before he gently maneuvered Melanie from his back to the front of him before settling her onto her bed and later tucking her in. Jaebeom loomed over Melanie with a soft smile while brushing a few strands of her hair from her face. "Sweet dreams, Chaewon." He moved the hood of the onesie off of her head. "You make a cute koala, too." He softly chuckled as he stood back up and slowly made his way out of Melanie's room and shutting the door quietly.

Jaebeom found the other two in the kitchen and announced his presence a moment later. "Chaewon noona is tucked in safe and sound, Jyongri noona." He smiled at Serena who chuckled at his words. "Awesome. Thanks a lot, JB. I appreciated it." "You're welcome. Glad to be of help." Jaebeom looked at Mark. "Ready to go hyung?" "Yeah. I'll meet you at the dorm." Mark told him as Jaebeom nodded his head. "Sounds good." Jaebeom looked over at Serena. "Good night, noona." "Good night, JB. Take care and thanks again." "You're welcome and I will." He looked at the older member. "I'll see you back at the dorm." "Okay." Mark told him with a small wave as Jaebeom left first with Mark still lingering behind.

"So, what do you want, Mark?" Serena asked him as she began putting away some of the things. "What makes you think that?" Mark asked as he assisted her. "Obviously because you're still here." "I can't hang out with my home girl?" "Last time I checked we weren't homies, Mark." "Ouch, Serena. Still gotta play me like that?" He feigned being hurt while clutching at his chest. "Really?" Serena laughed at the idol's reaction. "Jackson must have rubbed off on you over the years." "Yeah, he did, unfortunately." Mark agreed as he returned back to his normal self. "But still, Serena, are we not friends?" "I guess we can be friends, Mark." "I guess I can take that for now, Serena." "Good, because I'm tired and you need to go sleep, too."

"Why does it feel like you're kicking me out?" Mark asked with a smile as he made his way towards her door with Serena following after him with a rolled of her eyes. "Because I am." Serena confirmed with a laugh as Mark rolled his eyes. "Should've known." "Stop being a kid. You'll get over it." "I'm a grown man, Serena, thank you very much." "Yeah, sure, whatever man child." "Now that's better. Thanks." "You're not welcome." "Honest as ever I see." "Yup." Serena laughed as she opened the door for Mark to leave. "Have a good night, Mark, and take care." "You, too, Serena." Mark told her as he reached a hand out to pat her on the head and Serena swatted his hand away. "Tell the others good night." "Nah, you can do that." Mark smirked as Serena rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Later." "Haha, okay. Later."

[loveinkfanfics]

Prison Nerds

So this little drabble came from an awesome convo I had with @juiceortiz about the “appisode” scene “Mexican Prison” and how it should’ve been longer and in an actual episode...also about how we were ROBBED of seeing more of a Juice and Happy friendship (since she posted an AMAZING gifset of the two of them being pals). So big thanks to Kerin!! <3 If you don’t follow her, you SHOULD because she’s pretty damn awesome! 

It takes place during the S3-S4 break when the SOA boys were locked up. It mentions my OC, Angela. If you’re not familiar with her, check out my fanfic, Hands All Over (x). Its sort of short now, but I might make it longer and post it on my side fic on fanfic.net later. ;) 

Anyways, enjoy and let me know what you think! 

Prison Nerds

Juice was bored out of his mind stuck in his small prison cell with Happy. He'd finished his book, re-read all of Angela's letters, and was staring at a blank sheet of paper contemplating whether to write to her or draw something. Below him, Hap was fashioning a shiv out of a toothbrush.

"You know what be an awesome weapon? A lightsaber," Juice said excitedly as he watched Happy work. "It'd be kick ass. Cut right through fuckin' everything."

Happy smirked and shook his head. "You’d cut right through yourself."

 "Nah. I'd have all the Jedi moves like Luke Skywalker. Blue lightsaber and all," he said, making lightsaber noises as he waved his pen in the air like a lightsaber.

 "Green," Happy corrected, still focused on his own weapon.

 Juice's brows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

 "Lightsaber was green."

 "No, it was definitely blue in the first two movies," he said on a scowl.

 Happy scoffed, testing the point of the shiv on his finger gently. "Nah. That's his Dad's lightsaber. He loses it during that fight with Vader. Comes back and its green."

 Juice's jaw dropped; he was right. Apparently Happy Lowman, the Tacoma Killer, knew his shit about Star Wars. "How the hell do you know that?" he asked in disbelief.

He stood up, tucking the shiv under his mattress quickly. "They're the kid's favorite movies. Seen 'em all dozens of times with her."

He grinned in response; Angela's go to comfort movie was Empire Strikes Back. He'd found her watching it a handful of times when she'd had a bad day. Her hidden geek streak was one of the things he loved most about her. She'd pull Star Wars references out of nowhere and insert them into their conversations with ease. "She's such a nerd," he said on a soft sigh. He rubbed a hand over his chest where his new tattoo was, something he found himself doing often when he thought of her. It was like his heart ached at the mention of her name. It killed him not to be able to see her every day. He missed her like crazy.

Happy nodded slowly. " Got it from her Dad. He was into all the shit."

Juice raised an eyebrow, intrigued; Angela never talked about her Dad. He'd seen one picture of him one time while helping her unpack her stuff when she moved in with him, but she'd just told him who the man in the picture was and that was all. "She doesn't talk about him much."

 "She didn't know him much, but he loved those movies. Think that's why she loves 'em so much. Makes her feel closer to 'im."

 Again, Hap surprised Juice. He wasn't used to Hap offering information about his past or saying much more than a sentence or two. Since they'd been inside, though, Hap had opened up a little more giving Juice an insight into Angela and Hap's family he never would've had otherwise. "Interesting," he murmured, starting a sketch on his little notepad. "Let me guess, your favorite character is Boba Fett? 'cause he's a bounty hunter and shit."

 Happy smirked and nodded slowly. "He's badass."

 "I always liked Han the best. Luke was cool with the lightsaber and the Jedi stuff, but Han had swag…and he got the girl in the end," he pointed out with a smirk.

 "Not much competition. The other dude was her brother."

 "That's true. She didn't have to pick any of 'em though, 'n' she picked Han. She was hot too with that slave outfit," he mused, his mind going back to when Angela wore the same outfit one Halloween. He quickly thought of something else, picturing Angela in that outfit while stuck in a tiny cell with her cousin was not a good idea. "Ang is a lot like her. Strong, smart, badass, beautiful."

 "Total pain in the ass too," he muttered, washing his hands in their little sink.

 "Nah," Juice replied shaking his head. "She's perfect. Dunno why she likes me."

 "Me neither," he shot back, though the smirk on his face revealed he wasn't one hundred percent serious. "She does though. A lot."

 His smiled widened at that; he didn't know why it pleased him so much to hear Happy reaffirm how much Angela cared about him. "Yeah. Like her a lot too."

 "Good. You hurt her and you die. Darth Maul style. Slice you in fuckin' half," he threatened, drying his hands off with his towel.

 Juice couldn't help but laugh. "Holy shit, throwin' some prequel knowledge in there! You really are a Star Wars nerd!"

 "That don't leave this cell," he said, giving him a glare before nodding to the paper in his hand. "You sketchin'?"

 He shook his head, showing him the paper. Only the first line was written: 'To my Angel'. "Nah. Writing your cousin. Gonna tell her what a nerd you are."

 Happy threw the towel at him, though the smallest hint of a smile was playing on his lips. "Idiot," he muttered, shaking his head before ducking into the bunk below him. "Best not be writin' dirty shit to my cousin."

 "Not any dirtier than she writes me," he shot back.

 His bed shook as Happy landed a strong kick to the center of his bed. "Shut up." 

 Disclaimer (just in case): I don’t own Star Wars or any part of Sons.

[guksuu]

a giant post about tag games that im gonna finish right now [pt. 1]

skjfhsdkf i’ve been tagged for games and i’ve been neglecting to do them so here’s a giant post with all of them! not gonna tag anyone cause there are so many BUT feel free to do them :’) im warning u, this is gonna be super long!

kpop q’s!

tysm to @yugy for tagging me!!

1. who was your first female bias?

iu

2. who was your first male bias?

cheondung from mblaq!

3. who are your current biases? other than the above:

no biases..im an OT stan (lmao am i the only OT stan for all groups?)

4. in the entire kpop indrustry, who is the closest to your ideal type?

jkshdfksd hmmmm...i dont really have an ideal type..

5. have you ever attended any kpop concert/fan meet/fan sign?

yes!

6. if yes, which group/artist? how was your experience?

my first concert (which is the only concert i’ve been to so far), was club eskimo (dean, offonoff, miso, saay). it was amazing! the performances were a1 n meeting them was so cool. i also saw monsta x! it was such a great night n the boys were so sweet!

7. which group(s) would you like to see live?

got7, seventeen, block b, b.a.p, day6, nu’est, winner...a lot of groups lmao

8. how did you get into kpop?

my brother actually showed me suju’s sorry sorry like in 2009 n i got really interested, so i started looking around n finding more groups.

9. who are your otps?

i haven’t really gotten into otps yet, but some i do know are: yugbam, verkwan, jinyoon, sope

10. when did you start shipping?

jkshfksd im still figuring out ships

11. what was your favorite fanfic genre?

anything thats fluff n angst dkhkdfg

12. what is your favorite music genre?

i listen to a lot of genres 

top 10 bias tag

thank u tracy, @eggciao, for tagging me!!

sdfkhsdf im ot so this is gonna be hard but o well (i already did this but imma do it again lmao)

1. junhui (svt)

2. yongguk (b.a.p)

3. chunjin (myteen)

4. ten (nct)

5. johnny (nct)

6. yoochan (a.c.e)

7. dowoon (day6)

8. hyungwon (monsta x)

9. dongho (nu’est)

10. jisung (wanna one)

song tag

thank u @otteryj n @kawaiikpopofsatan n @calemiel for the tag :-)

rules: put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and tag 10 people!

1.  짜장면 - myteen

2. cant see the end - seventeen

3. cry - mblaq

4. stop it - b.a.p

5. moon, 12:04am - offonoff

6. 다시 앞으로 (ft. sumin) - loco

7. 밀착 - taek

8. hey - got7 

9. rollercoaster - monsta x

10. good bye bye  - nu’est

five things tag

thank u to the lovely @smilingvernon n @whaaattheflower for tagging me!

rules: write the five things in the situation, and then tag 15 people~

five things you’ll find in my bag:

headphones

tons of pens

gum

color pencils 

tons of random papers that I need to throw out

five things you’ll find in my bedroom:

vinyls

art supplies scattered everywhere

all of my ceramic and sculpture works

lots of club supplies

binders that are super old, which I need to get rid of

five things I’ve always wanted to do:

travel

learn a new language

go to a festival

sell art

volunteer in a different country

five things that make me feel happy:

dogs

my family n friends

food (so cliche but honestly..)

my lovely mutuals

my favorites loving themselves

five things I’m currently into:

skin care

old school rnb/hip hop/soul/rap

asmr 

crime shows

plants

five things on my to-do list:

possibly dye my hair bc senior portraits are coming up 

explore n go outside

buy more vinyls even though im broke shfksdsdf

stop being a pushover ://///

fix my sleeping schedule before school starts but we all know it’s not going to happen

get to know me tag

thank u to @cngkyns n @urmomstax n @sleepyw0ns n @nyaaaaaw for tagging me! 

rules: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

the last: 1. drink: boba 2. phone call: my mom 3. text message: “50% sweet and light ice” (i was texting my sister my drink order lmao)  4. the song you listened to: diamond 4 ya - b.a.p 5. the time you cried: ahh i don’t remember

have you: 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

list three favorite colors: 12-14: black, yellow, green (that muted green color though lmao)

in the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: yes 17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: yes 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: no

general: 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: a majority of them 23. do you have any pets: used to have fishes, turtles, and birds 24. do you want to change your name: not anymore 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went out to go eat with the family  26. what time did you wake up: 11am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching one fine day 28. name something you can’t wait for: la trip in october

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: yesterday night 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: im tired of being a pushover :///

31. what are you listening right now: yoongi’s mixtape 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes?  33. something that is getting on your nerves: people who love calling others rude names over minor mistakes, ANYONE THAT SEXUALIZES MINORS, passive aggressive people. i have more but that would be a long list.     34. most visited website: tumblr

lost questions aka random info about me 35. mole(s): one on my thigh (if i remember correctly) 36. mark(s): on my elbow from falling, one between my brows when i slipped on the stairs n fell during tag 37. childhood dream: i had so many like being a dentist, firefighter, cop, etc. 38. hair color: dark brown 39. long or short hair: i like both!

40. do you have a crush on someone: nope 41. what do you like about yourself: my ceramic and sculpture skills!  42. piercings: nope 43. bloodtype: i dunno 44. nickname: lili (that’s what my cousins calls me)

45. relationship status: single

46. zodiac: aries 47. pronouns: she/her 48. favorite TV Show: all the old nick, cartoon network, and disney shows, law & order svu, ridiculousness, wild n out, mr. robot, etc. 49. tattoos: nope 50. right or left hand: right 51. surgery: yes but when i was younger  52. hair dyed in different color: i have done like an ombre before 53. sports: i like basketball, swimming, and baseball 55. vacation: i wanna go back to hawai’i, visit korea, thailand, philippines, etc. 56. pair of trainers: 2

more general: 57. eating: lots of viet and chinese 58. drinking: water, and boba 59. i’m about to: watch some shows, make gfx n gifs 61. waiting for: the day i graduate highschool 62. want: lots of food n rest 63. get married: yes, but maybe after i get settled a bit w my career 64. career: sculptures&ceramics/graphic designer, or psychology/criminal justice

which is better?: 65. hugs or kisses: hugs

66. lips or eyes: eyes!

67. shorter or taller: either

68. older or younger: either, but not by a lot

70. nice arms or stomach: either lmao

71. sensitive or loud: both!

72. hookups or relationships: relationships

73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

have you ever: 74. kissed a stranger: no 75. drank hard liquor: yes 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes  77. turned someone down: yes 78. sex on the first date: no 79. broken someone’s heart: yes 80. had your heart broken: yes 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes 83. fallen for a friend: no

do you believe in: 84. yourself: not really :/ 85. miracles: yes, but where are they in my life lmao 86. love at first sight: depends 87. santa Claus: no 88. kiss on the first date: no 89. angels: yes

other: 90. current best friends name: hannah, jane, kim, christina, and jhkdfs all of my network pals :-)) 91. eyecolor: dark brown 92. favorite movie: any studio ghibli film i’ve seen, kill bill 1 & 2, forrest gump, wonder woman, beetle juice, boyz n the hood, etc.

question tag

tagged by @wooziology!!! tysm :-))

1. ARE YOU NAMED AFTER SOMEONE?

nope

2. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

i don’t remember

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

i like it. it’s super small.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

beef or chicken

5. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

yes?

6. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

yes

7. DO YOU HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

yes

8. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

no thank u

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CEREAL?

cookie crunch, cinnamon toast, or regular cheerios

10. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES?

yes

11. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE A STRONG PERSON?

no

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

coffee

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

their personalities

14. RED OR PINK?

both!

15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE PHYSICAL THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?

my forhead lmao

16. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING NOW?

black jeans n black/white vans

17. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

pizza n pasta

18. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

OYEAH by olnl (he’s a really nice rapper, check him out!!)

19. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

grey

20. FAVORITE SMELL?

mint

21. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?

my mom 

22. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?

basketball 

23. HAIR COLOR?

dark brown

24. EYE COLOR?

dark brown

25. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

no

26. FAVORITE FOOD TO EAT?

noodles, especially noodle soups

27. SCARY MOVIE OR COMEDY?

both!

28. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

the belko experiment (one of the most wild films i have watched)

29. WHAT COLOR OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

tan wih orange stripes

30. SUMMER OR WINTER

winter forever

31. HUGS OR KISSES

hugs!

32.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?

none but i wanna read the divine comedy, the lathe of heaven, and demian

33. WHO DO YOU MISS RIGHT NOW?

my brother n cousins n parents

34. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? 

i dont have a mouse pad

35. WHAT IS THE LAST PROGRAM YOU WATCHED?

seventeen’s one fine day

36. WHAT IS THE BEST SOUND?

the rain or waves. they’re honestly so soothing

37. ROLLING STONES OR THE BEATLES?

im more familiar with the beatles, so beatles

38. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE EVER TRAVELED?

hawai’i

39. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

do my ceramic n sculpture skills count or?

40. WHERE WERE YOU BORN

california!

30 questions tag!

tagged by the cuties, @lastnamesuh n @eatnamjin n @princesssjoy n max. thank you so much!

nickname: hmmm...my monbebe pals often call me baeiley...i think someone also has me as baeleaf too lmao. other nicknames beside that are lili, which is what my cousins call me.

gender: female

star sign: aries

height: 5′3

time: 6:20pm

birthday: april 1st

favorite bands: nu’est, b.a.p., got7, seventeen, monsta x, myteen, a.c.e, winner, nct (lmao all of three),  block b, btob, day6, theboyz, victon, vixx...n a lot of other groups. 

favorite solo artist(s): im such a big khh/krnb fan so brave, saero, crucial star, samuel seo, jeebanoff, dean, dpr, punchnello, bewhy, crush, g.nine, loco, bloo, dumbfoundead, olnl, sik k, n a lot more. others are taek, paul kim, iu, jung jin woo, ra.D, grizzly, moonmoon, sam kim, miso, suran, etc. for american music, its sza, kehlani, sob rbe, childish gambino, made in tyo, amine, isaiah rashad, kendrick lamar, etc.

song stuck in my head: overcome - nu’est & crush - yuna 

last movie i watched: hmmmm...men in black. its one of my favorites!

last show i watched: law & order svu

when did i create my blog: i created this blog...like 2014? this blog was originally my personal but i moved it so it can be my primary. i would say i changed into a kmusic blog this year in january!

what do i post: lmao im multifandom so a lot of groups, also some aes n social stuff.

last thing i googled: the word “blithely” for my english class

do u have other blogs: i have my personal which is @medasins n another blog but i aint gonna tell u the other one bc that one is still being edited. i also run monbebe net as an admin with four of my other mutuals. 

do u get asks: super rare lmao. i dont mind people sending asks though!

why did u choose this blog name: i wanted a general username n i just love noodles so much jksgfddfhggj

following: tons of talented/adorable mutuals that i love so much! also others that make a lot of beautiful content! 

followers: 517 

favorite colors: literally the color scheme i have for my blog rn (black, mustard/golden yellow, n this blueish-grey). i also rlly like grey, or any other muted tones. 

average hours of sleep: during school...3-7 hours. during the summer/weekends...8-10 hours.

lucky number: i do not have a lucky number but 0? 

instruments: i played brass/lower brass instruments (trumpet, cornet, baritone, n french horn) from like 5th-8th grade. right now i play/am learning a bit of ukulele!

what am i wearing: black running shorts n a grey tee

how many blankets i sleep with: one but two for winter

dream job: i dunno...still figuring it out

dream trip: traveling!

favorite food: 

favorite food: literally noodles, any noodles. i also love homemade viet n chinese food. O INDIAN N THAI TOO.

nationality: chinese!

favorite song now: ummm...lately i by saero, but also 짜장면 by myteen

[sundayswithshan]

190428

hbd pilly, my precious son wonpil.

i’ve been trying to cheer myself up all day but it has been not working. i feel awful right now. my mood tracker has been on a huge downward trend for a few weeks now. i’m restless, frustrated, and disappointed with a lot of things and people right now.

first of all, i havent been listening to a lot of your music lately, but it came on shuffle the other day and hearing your voice made me realize i’m definitely not over you, as much as i hoped i couldve been since we’re obviously going nowhere. the sound of your voice caused every feeling i have for you to come rushing back. it hurt my heart to think about how much i miss you. but that song you shared the other day.. if that reflects your feelings at all.. i wish i knew. it would be nice to know that thats how you feel and not just a song you like. but i’m not sure of anything anymore.

i’m so tired. so, so tired. i just wish i could hear from you. i’m not in a good place. i got drunk three times this week. and i mean like really drunk, ugly drunk. i don’t even like drinking, i really don’t. i want to stop drinking. but it’s hard because its such a huge social culture here, and also since i’ve been depressed again. i guess this just shows that i’m not ready, not deserving of someone like you.

on top of it all, the producer im working with just told me my audio for my vocals is too low quality and that crushed me. i worked so hard to get the equipment and it seems really professional, so idk how to fix that. i don’t have a backup plan. its so crushing.

i don’t want to be sad. i’m trying to remind myself of my future, trying to work that grit back up. im getting my new tattoo on wednesday which is exciting! and going to see endgame again, in imax this time, with some better friends. and my new apartment in LA is rly close to a nondenominational church which is exciting! i can’t wait. honestly, its crazy to think that i’ll be so close to where you grew up, literally by fate and coincidence. hermosa beach is not too far from it. i’m excited to live there, right on the coast. maybe ill take a trip out to your lil hometown just to.. idk. idk why i would. is it weird? i want to know more about you, i guess. its like if you went to orlando, went to my favorite boba cafe, the mall i used to hang out at, yknow, all that stuff. i’d love to take you to pointe orlando one day. it’s a great date spot. anyways.

i should go. catch up on some sleep.. take a shower. try to take on my week with a fresh perspective.

see you soon? shan

---------------------------------------------------

chasing cars - snow patrol crumble - fairlane & trove terrified - eastghost one awkward moment - casting crowns (i can’t emphasize how much it would mean to me if you listened to casting crowns, they were really the first band i ever knew. i have memories of singing along to them in my dad’s car as a little kid. this song is pretty new but it reminds me of myself a bit.) weight - crywolf

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time

[sh-lan]

last winter quarter mumbles...

First day of winter quarter: Only one class! #yas #nolab Also secret santa with the house! The circle: Me -> yuri -> vania -> leighton! Also i think i’m sick… EDIT: I AM SICK FUUU

cogs 187b - random groups pls kill me side note, there’s this guy that looks like jeff and i keep thinking that it’s him but it’s not so it’s super awkward when i stare just 0.1 seconds too long

damn what a wild morning i literally. cannot. with. my. body. this. first. week. #mlkday EDIT: in case i forget, i had like the worst case of food poisoning i have ever had in my life

bruh like i basically had a 4 day weekend cause i’m hella fuckin weaksauce these first two weeks wot is life side note: retreat was fun! and also lake arrowhead that we’ve been going to? IS WHERE THEY GET ARROWHEAD WATER i’m deceased. today i learned

y’all i can’t believe bts is going to have a comeback in february also i can’t fckin believe that the army bomb v2 has its own teaser photo bighit is so extra

Omg i fucked up one of my eyebrows …time to grow it out and then get it fixed

i think i’ve literally been living under a rock how did i miss the fact that mom literally has THE BEST matcha latte ever on campus? wtf what a concept

I somehow managed to get a free trial for BTS channel+ 아싸! Things are starting to look uphill from here cause my ded self is risin’ Bless

8am on thursday of week 2 woke up at 7:20 by yuri - the time i was supposed to leave gg to the both of us for not waking up omg LOL we got to school late but that’s besides the point i should probably get some waterproof jeans or something lmao

when you don’t think your stomach is strong enough to handle coffee just yet but everything in mom smells hella fckin good

sometimes…why…can’t…you…think?!?!?!?!?! #struggles

OMFG army bomb v2 changes color everybody go home wtf this is great #goodbyemoney

missed the army bomb v2 preorder, got sold out cause we waited too long :< EDIT: OMFG I CHECKED THE ANAHEIM TICKET PAGE JUST FOR KICKS AFTER MY SHOWER AND THIS GURL WAS LIKE THE BOMB IS GOING IN AND OUT OF STOCK AND I WAS LIKE HAHA NO WAY. so i went to check it and OMFG IT WENT BACK IN STOCK SO I WAS LIKE OMFG VANIA DO WE DO IT and we did it and it has been done there is no going back this is happening we bought the army bomb lol and immediately after i preordered it, it went back to being temporarily out of stock again wow wot is life

Thursday week 2 I didnt realize i was awake since 7:20 today…my brain thought what happened this morning were events from yesterday

The rain is so real. Almost skipped discussion. Good thing i didnt :O

BTS comeback on feb 13th Preorder starts jan 25th Im fuckin ded i just bought the lightstick Im hollerin

fml both versions of the album are my aesthetic i want to cry

omfg why did tumblr change the tags into bolded font TERRIBLE

Lol omg i was gonna go to sleep but then someone logged onto the monsta x plus channel and i was like i wonder who it could be AND IT WAS KIHYUN so i stayed lul wot

내 미래를 향해 가 저 푸른 바다와 내 헤르츠를 믿어 Hey oh, oh hey oh yeah #rediscoveringlyrics #andfallinginlove

really debating getting the bts album(s) but i shouldn’t because money because i should pay for my trip because i should have priorities EDIT: i got them

omg i want to die i just sent out like 3 job applications with the wrong dates on the cover letter shoot me

this girl straight up braiding her hair in the seat infront of me but dropping her hair onto my laptop SMH

but like why doesn’t pokemon go work on my phone anymore?????

daily reminder to take one step at a time

been pampered by coffee on campus that starbucks taste real shitty

LUNAR NEW YEARRRRRRR #year2kbbq Lol omg so we decided to have a house dinner. And then we were like ok korean food and so we ended up deciding to go to kogi! So we were like it dun matter if we go to happy hour since it happens after 9pm but lol we got there around 8:20 but ended up waiting until like 9:30 anywayssss. Dinner was so great i ate so much meat tbh i dont even know whether or not i need to eat tmr LOL Then we drove home at like 11:30…and sat in our garage from 12 to 12:30 because we were too lazy to move from the car HAHA WHO R WE Also apparently, according to yuri and vania, we had the same waiter as last year and lel LEAVE IT TO US TO GIVE HIM HIS NEW YEAR GREETINGS HAHA. And here i am in bed with the biggest food coma. Let me end this with some season’s greetings lol 새해 복 많이 받으세요. 祝大家新年快樂！ 生體健康、學業進步、年年有餘、and most importantly 心想事成! ✨

I just got three bug bites on my ankle out of nowhere like???

after thinking long and hard, vania and i pre-ordered the albums today #goodbyemoney

why do i always find live streams for bts things at inopportune times??

i really still can’t get used to the way my vis60 professor lectures. she pauses at the weirdest times and emphasizes the most inopportune words… “i can think of. Perhaps - the most different. contrasts” ”the decisions. to make. something.” like…that is so hard to understand at 8am…

y’all i can’t wait to watch all the run BTS videos i’m so excited

Nervous about tomorrow but also excited about tomorrow I hope everything goes well! #interviewtime

bighit literally has no chill right now i thought concept 2 photos were going to come out a week later but then BAM IT HITS US IN THE FACE ONE DAY AFTER ANOTHER

2/2/2017 A day full of stufffs #praying #hoping #maybethingswillworkout Honestly, super thankful that my AB experience prepared me for group activities and on-spot presentations lOL (but like lowkey doe this one guy would have failed my group activity if he was interviewing for my trip smh) ALSO I MADE FRIENDS ;____; but i only managed to add one of them on fb, i should’ve added the other guy too *crying* but that’s ok. if fate has it, we’ll see each other again lel. EDIT: daily reminder that we fall down just to get back up

Bruh photography class got me like ??! CAUSE INCLEMENT WEATHER AND I SHOULDVE JUST TAKEN PHOTOS YESTERDAY I’M SUCH A NOOB

i made my own wintermelon tea and then my own wintermelon milk life is ok and going good

today yuri and i saw violin guy while we were sitting outside of ledden and i may or may not have freaked out too hard and he may or may not have noticed lol

watching hwarang and thinking wow park seo joon has come far since his dream high 2 days lololol

I saw a really cute ring on etsy Debated for a few days and …i bought it

I lost the little screw in my car key gg

Went hiking today with part of my group! It was lovely and 6 miles and now i’m tired hnngh

omg everyone park seo joon released his own version of that tears song for hwarang and it is like actually one of my favorite songs from the soundtrack HNNNGH

lowkey getting overly excited about hwarang ost fklewjafkelwa

This guy behind me straight up talking about how there’s some kind of apocalyptic event every century and how after each event, stability is restored. He was telling his friend to….create an apolyptic event right now to restore stability. I’m boutta flip a shit LOL WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT IT BETTER BE SOME FICTION NOVEL

Week 5 meeting MY AND HARRY’S FIRST FULL MEETING HOW EXCITING I LOVE IT

omg my professor is cancelling class on feb 14th and omfg BLESS NOT HAVING AN 8AM AND ALSO I CAN STREAM BTS CAUSE COMEBACK. LIFE IS GREAT. EDIT: no streaming because the first time they perform will be at the concert omg so shookt

not to be petty but i checked the revision history to see how much work my team members did and this one guy (who didn’t contribute last time either) did one slide and all he did was add the title somebody hold me back why do i always have teammates where i need to carry #hardcarry해 #smh

I fucked up by updating the messenger app smh

Finally got my tdap booster today It hurts Like an itchy mosquito bite Smh

y’all i was so shookt when i woke up to not today’s teaser OMFG JFKELAJFKELSJA IT’S GONNA BE LIT

I woke up at 7:30 on a sunday morning to watch the spring day music video and i’m so shookt by the edting and the song almost made me cry because lyrics And there’s the whole theory where they’re dedicating this song to the sewol accident and i just ;____;

그래 우리는 extra Omg i cant believe rapmon said that LOL SO ICONIC MY LIFE MOTTO FOR THE NEXT MONTH

when i first heard not today, i wasn’t really feeling it much since i feel like the teaser hella hyped it up but now i’m hella feeling it this is fire 2.0 LOL

ALICE CAME TO VISIT week 6 weekend Sushi ota on thursday night - BLESS NO MEETING HAHA Friday night bbq with the same waiter from lunar new year LOL he spoke to me in korean omg i almost forgot how to speak? Saturday morning cowles hike! And then….boba…and then ded Sunday didnt see alice ): but das ok i got to just rest and do a bit of hw

why 왜 為什麼 為何我做的事你也要跟著做 Side note. Why is the font size inconsistent for my chinese keyboard ???

Dont like the new gmail But it’s not actually new cause im just a noob for not updating Sigh

ARMY BOMBS HAVE SHIPPED. I REPEAT. ARMY BOMBS HAVE SHIPPED.

i had a dream that i was on a korean show or something and then i got assigned to sit next jungkook (omg it was like not up to me but then i was like holy shit holy shit?) and then we took a trip to the grocery store to get snacks? but like the thing i wanted was too high for me to reach so he grabbed it for me? but then somehow we ended up exchanging kkt somewhere in the grocery store lmfao what kind of dream is this but then his managers chased him down because he’s not supposed to do that or something? oh well LOL wut EDIT: who am i

i accidentally swallowed some toothpaste this morning

fml i just saw spoilers for hwarang EDIT: OMG SO DANGEROUS I ALMOST JUST SAW ANOTHER ONE AND NOW I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. NEED TO UNFOLLOW THE TAG FOR NOW

han got me pizza and a shitton of parmesan bites for valentines day :> happy child

man holy shit ep18 of hwarang had too much shit i cannot process

omg i’m gonna die park seo joon is so cute in she was pretty

omfg i was JUST wondering if park seo joon would have to go to the military qq BUT HE ALREADY WENT!!!!!! side note: i told vania i was going to finish she was pretty in two days and i really finished it in two days…

Week 6 Thursday ARMY BOMB IS HERE! #yas in retrospect, should’ve just bought the albums from the official shop cause who knew they were paying for EMS cause dayum, my army bombs got here in 3 and ½ days. SHIET so excited it’s lit

Seventeen’s lightstick hands down the prettiest lightstick i ever seen omg

i need to stop this whole “treat yo self” mentality went to return pants to zara that cost 42.99 walked out of f21 with 42.09 worth of clothes lol wtf BUT THAT FREAKING 65% OFF ON TOP OF THE ALREADY MARKED DOWN PRICE? i got three things for $9.10 omg bless? but that one other jacket i got was 29.90 ): is it worth it? eh we’ll see however, i would’ve stayed if it weren’t for my yogurt in the car…and actually shopped a lot LOOOL it was so worth then i came out to a storming STORM GOD SO MUCH RAIN but now i’m home and dry and happy

i’m sitting here streaming the bts wings tour in seoul and getting highkey emotional it’s 1:30AM what is life when bangtan is life

WEEK 7 HAN CAME TO VISITSSSSSSS

unbelieveable han puts me on do not disturb on his laptop SMH

hello but can we talk about the not today mv HOLY SHIT not as fire as fire but still so JKLFJEKLSJF there are so many things in this mv that are just. omg i cant side note - i made han watch it with me LOL

tae and rapmon’s headband look jungkook’s pink highlights yoongi’s blue highlights what’s not to love

highly likely to go blind cause of vis 60

really been craving strawberry milk …and thai food

gonna give up sugary drinks until the end of this quarter *gasps* goodbye amazing tasting coffee drinks T^T

my arms are so sore from the spam musubi making fuuuuuuu

i forgot harry was only 19 and then i was like omfg jungkook is still only 19 too wut

thanks to jungkook, i have finally pinpointed one of my more or less favorite genres: tropical house…which han apparently doesn’t like LOL

Want 족발 Must go to grandma’s lunch on a weekday qq

Rewatching fire mv Why are they ironing jin at the behinning Suga has fake freckles? Why does 1thek have 5 million ads/links

Spam musubi and 8am got me so tired I went to sleep at 12am Why is it that when i go to sleep early, nothing happens in my social life and everything happens in bts life While when i sleep late, everything goes on in social life but nothing in bts life????

The world does feel really slow when you’re in a rush

dreading the photography critiques sigh

Stayed up to stream mcountdown because lol why not right? Even though i have an 8am…. NOT TODAY PERFORMANCE WAS SODIJWWJDIWK FUCKING JEON JUNGKOOK WINKING AT THE END HOW RUDE wtfbbq And also spring day choreography got me feeling some typa way? Shiet….maybe i can learn this…maybe ALSO ONG won that 1st place by a landslide WE ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH y a s

Just realized that there’s no “winking” emoji without the kiss What even Also i just unconsciously winked at my phone while looking for the wink emoji… Imagine the possibilites of face detection to emoji translation. Texting would be so much faster #busthoughts

omfg i was like where am i gonna ever use my bts cd ON THE CAR DUHHHHH!!

REALLY DREADING GOING INTO REVIEW ON MONDAY BECAUSE PICTURES WERE NOT GOOD FOR PROJECT 3 want to crawl into a hole why didn’t i take this class p/np lmao who am i EDIT: everything is ok she actually didnt hate them

Feels so great to not do anythingg this weekend??? Omfg But yo i literally slept from 8pm till 10am almost 11 and if that doesnt scream me i dont know what else does

i bought a “day old” pastry from mom today and it’s an espresso mocha chocolate chip scone thingy and i’m in loveeee

waiting for packages from korea to come~ no EMS is sometimes a pain~ we’ve been too pampered by amazon prime~

Feeling a little discouraged BUT i’ll stay positive!

I mean I can technically go to those concerts in japan Technically

Omfg leave me forever incapable of closing my water bottles correctly? SMH PLS DONT

Found out that my photography TA is 26. Das like alice age And also her first phone was the peanut looking motorola LMFAO CAUSE ME TOO

봄이왔다~ 春天到了~ CAUSE IT’S MARCH AND THE WEATHER IS REALLY NICE and i’m, for some reason, in a really good mood. it could be the music but it could also be the weather ahhhh this feels nice :>

Omg my ring from etsy finally came!! GREETINGS FROM SPRING AMIRITE After a whole month ;___; it finally got here on march 2nd Ugh but it’s so nice and pretty i’m about to die And it really was made to order! That’s crazy. It’s so cute and adorable If only their stuff wasnt so expensive I would buy like everything

When the right volume for your music is right in between the button volumes so you gotta manually slide the thingy VERY carefully

OUR KOGI WAITER WE JUST SAW OUR KOGI WAITER AT PC OMFG

Issue night: “I dont know how they had time to come up with an acronym (USA PATRIOT) maybe they were in shock or something….(from 9/11)” LOL “Lowkey sus” - Abe [the babe]

cooked curry with everything today reaffirmed that i dont like carrots that much

Debating getting more rings on etsy HNNNNGH struggle is real

I saw a license plate the other day that said “NUTELLA” and the same “UOUOUOU” car parks in peterson all the time lol

Had a dream that i met jungkook while checking out the bts schedule with vania Like the schedule said that they just had a fan meeting and they were gonna walk around the area and their fans could follow them or soemthing And i was like shit but do i wanna do that and vania was tryna convince me…but i thought that there would be too many fans so… And then jungkook fckin pops outta nowhere and somehow we got talking and ended up somewhere? Like their dorm or something And we were just browsing through army pictures of them and whatnot And then he was being all kinds of diff “kook” where he was a fangirl kook…and then regular jungkook where he “kissed” me on the cheek it was weird Dont remember the rest cause i woke up LOL EDIT: i think i wrote this while still being half asleep please excuse my fangirl tendencies LOLOL

Omg the kettle cooked jalapeno chips are so good wtf Dangerous

want to watch hyungsik’s new drama but i shouldn’t i shouldn’t

jungkook’s look in the spring day dance version is so boyfriend i cant

oh yeah how did i completely forget to mention that my week 8 was pretty much entirely occupied by yuri on ice!! after freaking week 7 annoying ass shit with everything due that week wow what a struggle

rewatching haikyuu!!

I. AM. SO. EXCITED. TO. READ. AEOE. AHHHHHH if only i could find the third book of the series as well )): qq EDIT: TIFF FOUND IT. bless her soul

March 6th The one day i decide not to check the mail THE ALBUMS COME IN A PACKAGE BY THE FRONT DOOR VANIA CAME HOME AND WAS LIKE AHHHHHH it was definitely a “shut the front door” moment Also onfg we took forever going through the album and just freaking out Vania got rapmon and jungkook photocards While i got jhope and jungkook photocards In retrospect, it was shipping like on feb 20th and took only around 2 weeks to get here so i would say that was pretty damn great Ugh they’re so beautiful why We also got random photocards created by kpopmart so those were a nice gift! I put them on my wall and kept one in my card holder thingy LOL I also put up a standee on my desk Now where to put the posters 🤔 HA It was a nice surprise :>

Lmao the recruiter called me this morning at 8:30AM but our call was supposed to be at 11:30AM, i’m surprised i even woke up It’s a miracle i even stuttered through that phone screen #shetotallymissedthepart #whereiwrote #PST

Craving chocolate milk and i neglected to get that On the otherhand, i spent around 21 bucks at trader joes getting all the healthy foods that i love AND ALSO STRAWBERRY YOGURT O’S THAT WERE JUST MY AESTHETIC EDIT: ok but like not only were they aesthetically pleasing, they also taste great. also the fact that they’re just a bit fatter means that they’re crunchier and takes a lot longer to get soggy in milk im in love

You know what they say When you crave choco milk You been traveling through time and space

had a one on one with harry at k cuisine today definitely gonna find time to go back and eat more chicken glad harry wanted to eat korean chicken and i actually had a place in mind also they were playing so many kpop songs that i knew and all the goblin songs were getting me real emotional lmao

Hnngh they’re gonna sell merch at the bts wings concert What is gonna stop me from buying shit if there’s actually enough stock Im ded EDIT: jk i cant believe that official merchandise goes on sale on march 9th aka tmr because korea time and like wtf ok bighit just let our wallets die and wither away smh i cant

Gonna have to hold off on buying rings or not buying them at all because bts merch ;___;

omg but ?? the video that jungkook made yoongi was so damn cute? also…editing on point… EDIT: i would fall in love with editing because it’s the damn iphone 7 promotional video that apple made. wot is lifeeee omggg that was crazy (why don’t i keep up with current trends? where was i??)

lol watching all the wings md getting the little “temporarily out of stock” red sticker haha

JK got new piercings right where i wanted to get them please stop tempting me i already told my dad i wouldn’t ask again hnngh

omg i had thai food for the first time in forever~ (ok realistically like week 3 but like still)

all these photos from the concert im ded because how do people have the money to go to multiple concerts esp in different countries? (aka headliner…) tumblr is too distracting

i broke my comb that one weekend that leighton went to irvine…because i dropped it on the floor…i was, to say the least, shocked weekend before week 10, i finally bought a new comb lOL

GOT7 never ever thoughts Yugyeom’s voice hit me in the face Choreo at the beginning looks nice I dont know how i feel about the chorus doe Wait. Yugyeom cant happen to me because omfg jungkook but wait they’re such a killer bffl pair fml

new highlight song got me shookt because…..b2st will always be <3 in my heart esp yoseob’s vocals

i’m having another watch phase dammit

actually really like bap’s comeback this time side note: harry calls it “bap” like “bop” but with an A. LOL

Day of daylight savings Couldnt sleep Reading AEOE Didnt sleep til 5am And now skipping 101b What needs saving is obviously my body not the daylight

When you realize out all the current playlists made on spotify, your music taste is closest to jin’s LOL

Week 10 tuesday Broke my retainers D: EDIT: got an appt with an ortho because need to get them imprints before my teef get shifted but holy shit dude it’s $350 for one retainer im ded. And i called 4 different places and it just keeps going higher and higher im

sharing opinions in photography class is hard because i can’t words

GLOW. IN. THE. DARK. RETAINERS. #gottagetmoneysworth

do you ever do that thing on facebook where you’ll be like “i’ll just scroll to a place where a video stops playing” but then the moment the first video stops, another comes into the browser and starts playing oh wait oh my god THEY MUST HAVE BUILD THEIR PAGE TO BE RESPONSIVE TO THE SIZING OF THE WINDOW SO THAT THAT WOULD HAPPEN AND THUS IT WOULD KEEP PEOPLE SCROLLING ON FACEBOOK facebook is evil everyone

too loud -_-

Discovering a tiny mole on jungkook’s nose

i can’t believe i’m sick for the 3rd time this quarter body r u ok also…runny noses aren’t fun my nose is literally leaking can barely reach for a tissue in time smh

i just saw a spoiler for the run bts episodes -_- tumblr is never safe

It’s hard to believe that i’ll be leaving for my trip in 4 days It’s hard to also believe that after that, vania and i will be heading over to see bts Oh man This is exciting

Flood warnings in peru making me have high blood pressure #pleaseleteverythingbeok

my trip got cancelled i am in shock still

Im so numb I think im ready to pass out

I broke one of the little feet thingies on my charger…. SMH

I feel broken But Getting it back together Currently on do not disturb

lol.....gonna end this one on a somewhat sour note because that’s actually how the quarter ended. spring break was a week full of shit as well. however, it was also a week full of healing and self love - as much as i can give myself for that matter

so we’ll leave it here. last winter quarter of my college career - one of the most busy in terms of AB life and one for the books for all the shit that has happened. i really wish that #adversity won’t be associated with this forever but looks like it’ll be related to this for a while. lOL.

moving right along~ things I can look forward to: spring break mumbles, last quarter mumbles! #staysane #staypositive