#Now I'm the fuck with leukemia

[coralineandthesapphicfantastic]

I'm out here making RPF OCs you can't even imagine. My mind is open. My spirit is soaring. Haters lament my whimsy and power.

[devotioncrater]

so. i guess i have to go to urgent care tomorrow. & show the doctor my lab results. & try to get in for a cancer screening that way

[teardropsonmypaper]

To Win Her Back~ Pt1:Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: Steve and Nancy just broke up, an idea pops into his head. To make her jealous and his way to do so is fake date you, a girl who can't resist the offer he had made. A/N: This is going to a part of a series, I don't know long as of yet. I just got back into writing, I'm always accepting to feedback. Please re-blog and feel free to comment! I had so much fun writing this, I hope you enjoy! Word Count: 3188 Warnings: Use of Y/N, Parental loss, Sick Parent, The reader uses she/her pronouns and identifies as female, intimate remarks (nothing towards Steve and reader). I think that's all I can remember, lmk if there's anything else. ......

You walked silently to your locker in the ever-so busy hallway of Hawkins High School, people lined the walls, gossiping, making out with their fling of the week, or just minding their own business. Your headphones were blaring with some Black Sabbath song, making it near impossible for you to pay any attention to the soundsaround you. You were the silent type, but somehow in this small town, everyone knew your business, how your mother passed giving birth to your little sister 4 years ago or how your father was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Everyone knew everyone’s business and you weren’t excluded by any chance. You make your way to your locker, and open it collecting your belongings before heading home. As you walk away, someone slams your locker for you, loud enough for you to hear it through your headphones. You jump and see King Steve standing on the other side of your locker.

You quickly pause your music on your cassette player, “What the fuck was that for?” You ask, crossing your arms. Even though you were typically a quiet girl, you had quite the temper.

Steve smirked and ran his hand through beautiful hair. You never really talked to him, you used to sit next to him during your Freshman year, but that was the only interaction you had with him in high school. “Just tryna’ get your attention”, he said casually, the smirk still evident. 

“Why?” You asked sassily, arms still crossed. It wasn’t like Steve normally wanted your attention, you never thought he even noticed you, you really just blended into the crowd.

He moved closer to you, now leaning onto your locker,”I have a proposition for you.” You raise your eyebrow, curious. “And that is?”

“Nancy and I broke up”,he said, his smirk faltering a bit. You knew that, everyone in Hawkins knew, gossip spread like wildfire around this stupid little town. You nodded, not really understanding why he was telling you that. “How does that involve me?, Harrington.”

He suddenly became a bit nervous, his body language shifted, a nervous hand running through his hair, once again,”Um..I was wondering if you and I…god this is weird..um if we could..shit I don't know how to say this..”

“Just spit it out already.” You say impatiently, along with your temper you didn’t like to keep waiting. 

“I want you to be my fake girlfriend”, he blurted. At first, you feel your eyes widen,but then you start laughing. This has to be some joke or prank or something. “Gosh, you’re a real comedian, Harrington.”

“Y/N”, his demeanor turned serious,”I’m not joking.” For the second time, your eyes feel like they're bulging out your head, you couldn’t believe that Steve Harring, the King of Hawkins High, was asking you to become his fake girlfriend. Every girl, maybe some guys wanted Steve Harrington, he was the dream guy, he was an asshole 99% of the time, but it didn’t matter, he was hot and the captain of the swim team and star player in basketball. Every girl wanted him.

“Why?”you began,astounded by his question,”First off, you literally just got out of a relationship. Second of all, everyone goddamn girl in this school will willingly jump your bones if you ask them, or even look at them. I’m not that kind of girl, Harrington.” 

"Y/N”, he began,”That’s exactly why I want you to be my fake girlfriend, you’re the only one who wouldn’t try seducing me the first chance you get.”

I sigh,”Why do you even need a fake girlfriend?” I ask, curiously. 

He let out a nervous chuckle,”I want to make Nancy jealous,”he pauses,”Y’know show her what she’s missing.” You nod, understanding what he’s saying, but you can’t help but feel weirded out. You felt weird that somebody would even ask you to be their fake girlfriend,”Steve..I don’t know..it’s kinda weird and-”

“I’ll pay you!”, he blurts. You cross your arms and scoff, feeling suddenly offended that you offered to even pay you. He quickly senses your shift of mood and opens his mouth,”100 bucks per week, I know you could use the money for you dad.”

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose, frustrated. You did need the money, you were only surviving off of your mom’s inheritance and your father’s disability check, and the medical bills were not cheap. Your waitress job was barely even covering the rent at this point, you groan before finally agreeing. 

“Thank you, you’re a lifesaver”, he says, pulling you into a hug. You pat his shoulder, trying to push yourself off, you’re not a big hugger. You only really hugged your sister and dad for the most part. “You’re welcome”, you quickly change your tone to something more threatening,”Listen, Harrington, I swear to fucking god, Harrington. If you get any ideas into the fucking head of yours, I swear I will kick your ass.”

He puts his hands up defensively,”Hey, hey, hey”, he reassures,”Trust me, no funny business from me.” I nod, pulling my bag up to my back.

“I gotta go, Harrington.”, you started before trying to walk away through the now-empty hallway,”Gotta sister to pick up from preschool.”

He nods before calling out,”We need to make a set of rules, sometime”.

You turn your back to him and call as you walk towards the doors,”My house, 7pm, don’t be late.” You quickly make yourself to the back parking lot to find your old beat up station wagon, your dad’s turned yours. He couldn’t drive much anymore so he gave it to you, to run errands and what not. You hop into the car and turn your keys into the ignition before speeding off to the preschool. You were already 10 minutes late. 

During the drive you couldn’t help but think about your new situation, you were now Steve Harrington’s girlfriend, well fake one but nobody could know that. You find yourself groaning at the thought, Steve Harrington was the most popular guy in school and you were practically a nobody. You just faded into the background, nothing was particularly special about you besides your great taste in music in style. It was safe to say, you were different but not noticeably. You wore light makeup and opted for more of a 70s look, you loved the decade prior to the one you were currently living in. Everything from the music and to the fashion and the hair, you were in love. Most people called you dated, but you called yourself cultured. But now since you were now “dating” Steve, you were now going to be more in the spotlight.

You pull into the pre-school, quickly spotting Melissa and her pre-school teacher. You pull up to them and quickly get out of the car, ushering to Melissa. "You're late again, sissy”, Melissa nagged. You quickly picked her up in your arms,”Sorry Lis, got caught up.” You apologized and turned to her teacher,”Thank you for waiting.” She hummed in response as you quickly opened the back seat up and put her in her carseat.

“Miss Y/N”, the teacher began,”We love having Melissa with us, but you owe us almost a hundred dollars. We've been trying to be patient, but we need you to pay your bill.”

You nod and sire, tiredly.”I’ll try having it by the end of the week, thank you.” She hums in response and you wave her a goodbye before getting into the station wagon and driving off. 

The ride home was surprisingly quiet, Lis passed out in the backseat, apparently her day was exhausting. You hummed to some rock song on the radio as you drove home. Hawkins was a nice town, you’d have to admit, however it had its disadvantages. Like the town aesthetic, perfect and beautiful, however the people were annoying. All they did was gossip, about everything and everyone. Oh, you’re married to an alcoholic? Exposed. Pregnant before marriage? Exposed. It was like you were automatically shunned if you were different. You silently pull up to your driveway. Getting out of the car and carefully unbuckling Lis as you made your way over, carrying her in your arms to the house.

You prop open the door into your small abode and walk in. “Hey girls”, you hear your father call weakly. You walk to the living room with Lis still in your arms, “Hey dad”, you say softly as you find him sitting in his leather arm chair, the thing has to be older than you. It has been his spot since you , yourself were an infant. You carefully set Lis on the couch before turning to your father,”Long day?”, you ask.

He shrugged,”Just slept most of it”, he said,”tried to clean up a bit, but it didn’t work so well.” You nod sympathetically and place a comforting hand on his back. It’s been hard to watch your dad struggle, he used to be the most hardworking man you ever knew. After your mother’s passing, your father worked 2 jobs and made sure to come home after his late night shift, just to make sure he had tucked you and your sister in. But now, he struggles to move or do things on his own. “It’s alright dad”, you say. 

He looks at you and it pains you, his eyes are always glassy and he’s been getting more pale. It wrecks you apart, truly. “Pumpkin, want to watch a movie?”, your father asks. You nod, and sit on the floor beside him as puts on E.T, you both fall into a comfortable silence as the movie plays. 

Hours pass and you find yourself in the kitchen, making dinner as you hear a knock on the door. “Sissy! Someone’s at the door!”, your sister calls.

You huff,”I hear that, Liss”, you interject,”Can you get it?” You hear her groan before she stomps to the door, like you, she has an attitude. 

“It’s a guy here for you!” She calls. Your eyes widen as you remember about Steve, you completely forgot you had invited him. “A guy?”, your father chirps from the kitchen table where he is now sitting, filling out a crossword puzzle. 

You glance over to the clock hanging on the wall and realize it’s 6:58, you quickly set down the can of tomato soup before walking to the front door and see your sister interrogating Steve. “Alright, Lis, stop questioning the poor guy”, you huff. She looks up at you,”Wasn’t questioning”. You give her a look before she scurries off into the kitchen.

“She’s cute”, Steve said. You nod. 

"She sure is something”, you move aside and let him in. 

He laughs a bit. “I’m making dinner right now if you’re hungry, tomato soup and grilled cheese”, you say. 

He nods, suddenly shy. It was unusual to see Steve shy, he walked around with some sort of arrogance and charisma usually. You lead him into the kitchen and your father immediately takes in Steve’s presence. “Heh”, your father begins,”This is a first, my daughter bringing a guy home.” You roll your eyes as your dad chuckles at his own comment. 

“Steve”, Steve says, outstretching his hand. Your father takes it, amused. “Oh, I know who you are. You’re dad owns that big ol business”

Steve nods and your father pats the seat next to him, “Sit, let’s talk.” Steve carefully sits next to your father.You bite back a smile, you knew what was to happen, your father was going to interrogate Steve, brutally. You didn’t bring guys home, not since sophomore year,when you got yourself a boyfriend, Eddie Munson. You couldn’t forget it, your father was newly a widower at the time, but oh did he bust Eddie’s balls, alright. He walked out the house after, acting like he just confessed to a murder or something. You ultimately wonder if that led to your break-up, but you knew it was really because you were just better off as friends. 

You continued to work on dinner as your father tore Steve a new asshole, your father may have been sick but he still acted like his old self, busting people’s balls. Your sister listened in, softly giggling as Steve would get flustered at a question your dad asked or when your father swore. Soon enough you finished supper and placed it on the sable along with some bowls and spoons. “That’s enough dad’”, you lightheartedly,”Don’t want another guy leaving the house scared shitless, do you?” 

Your dad shrugs,”Wouldn’t hurt.” You give your dad a look as he begins to chuckle, you smile to yourself before taking a seat next to Steve. ‘Well dig in, guys.”

Dinner was full of your sister rambling about her day, everyone else digging in trying to pay attention to her babbling. You look over to Steve and see him listening intently to the four-year olds rambling, it melts your heart for a second.

She stops her rambling as your father begins to speak,”So, pumpkin”, he addresses you,”What is Mr.Harrington’s relation to you?”

“He’s awfully cute”, your sister quips. Steve begins to chuckle softly as a pink shade tints his cheeks. 

You internally groan as you remember about the deal you made with Steve, to be his ‘girlfriend’. You try your best to be on a smile before taking Steve’s hand to yours, you swear you see Steve’s eyes widen as you touch him. “We’re dating”, you try to exclaim but it comes out more of a question than anything. Your father raises his eyebrows before humming. 

“You guys are dating?!”Lis breaks out smiling. Her chubby cheeks prominent as she grins,”That’s so cute! That means you guys are in love!” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at that one, whilst Steve nearly chokes. “So in love”, you sarcastically.

Your father raises an eyebrow at your comment but says nothing. He takes another spoonful of his soup in his mouth before speaking up,”About time”, your father says,”You’ve been working too hard and worrying too much, maybe Harrington here might loosen you up.”

You let your eyes widen surprised, you never thought your father, the ball buster himself, would accept a guy for you to date. Well as he thinks you’re dating. You nod stunned to speak. Dinner finishes shortly after that, you help your father back into his recliner as you send Lis to clean up the table. You make your way back to the kitchen and find Steve washing the dishes. “You don’t have to”, you intervene. 

“I want to”, he says, washing a plate,”I insist, you cooked and I’m gonna clean up at least, as a thank you.”

Before you could reply, Lis beats you to it,”He’s such a gentleman, he’s your gentleman, Y/N/N.”, she teases.

“Melissa, shut it”, you say embarrassed,”You’re just happy because you don’t have to rinse.”

Your sister nods before running off to the living room. “I’m sorry about her, she’s a handful”, you apologize.

Steve laughs,”It’s all good, she’s cute”. You both begin to fall in a comfortable silence, you wipe the counter and sweep the floor as he finishes the dishes. You never took Steve to be the type to wash up or be gentle with a child, you always thought he was too egotistical to be caring or sensitive but maybe you were wrong after all, or maybe he changed. Shortly, the kitchen is clean and you bring Steve up to your bedroom to discuss the rules of your relationship. 

Once in your room, Steve looks around your room. Admiring the band posters of Fleetwood Mac, Black Sabbath, and many others that showered your walls. He stepped further and saw some of the artwork Lis had made that was pinned to a corkboard. “I like your room”, he compliments. He traces your light green quilt that sat on your bed, as you grabbed your notebook. “Thanks”, you mumble. 

You sit down on your bed and pad the spot next to you, encouraging Steve to sit next to you. He obliges and sits. “So time to make up the rules,” you announce, suddenly nervous,”1st rule, no heavy PDA. I don’t want to be those weirdos that are practically dry humping in the halls.”

Steve laughs as you write that down,”Yeah, no need to worry about that. We only need to hold hands and hug, maybe kiss on occasion.” 

“Hug? Kiss?”, you say with a grimace on your face,”Fore-warning, I am a terrible hugger and only kiss me if it’s absolutely necessary.”

He laughs at your remark,”Yeah, that’s fine, nothing you aren’t comfortable with.” You write that down as well. 

“You have to attend parties with me”, he adds. You raise your eyebrows,”Parties?”

“Yeah, it’d be weird if my girlfriend didn’t show up to them with me”, he points out. You internally groan, you did not like social gatherings but he had a valid point, so you complied and wrote it down.

A thought comes to your mind, and instantly you shiver at it before opening your mouth,”We are not going to have sex or anything along the lines”, you say, determinedly.

He throws his hands in the air backing away slightly,”Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that. You’re pretty and all but not my type”, he brushes it off. You couldn’t help but feel a bit upset with his words, not his type? That’s weird because you heard from a lot of girls that anyone that was a girl, was his type. You quickly right down ‘No sex’ onto the paper. 

“Last of all”, you begin,”No falling in love with me, this is simply to get you back with Nancy, alright?’

Steve nods,”Only if you promise not to fall in love with me, sweetheart.”

“Trust me I won;t”, you roll your eyes and write down ‘no falling in love with one another’ down. “I think that’s it”, you say before shutting your notebook down. 

“Alright”, Steve says standing up,”We’re officially fake dating, I’ll pick you up tomorrow before school?” 

You look at him with wide eyes,”You’re driving me to school?”

He nods,”Yes, Ma’am. I’ll be your chauffeur to and from school.” You cross your arms before opening your mouth,”Y’know I have to drop Lis off at preschool and pick her up too, right?”

‘She can come too”, he says. You sigh before agreeing. You bid goodbye and crash onto your bed once you hear the front door shut. A million thoughts were racing in your head, you were now Steve Harrington’s girlfriend and you were scared. This was out of your comfort zone by far, but you know you had to do this. You were struggling financially and Steve offered money, and in your current lifestyle, it wasn’t something you could turn down.

.....

A/N: I feel like there is wayyyy to much dialogue and it's a bit awkward, I accept feedback and requests! I hope you enjoyed!

[afewproblems]

'Harring' flashes on the caller ID again, illuminated in bright green on the handheld phone in their kitchen.

It's the third time they've called today and Steve is anxious.

He hasn't heard from his parents in the last six years since he cut off all contact with them, so to see their name come up so many times all in the span of an afternoon is...well it's worrisome to say the least.

"Are you going to pick up," Eddie says as he comes up behind Steve, he drapes himself over his lovers back and nuzzles into his ear.

Steve smiles tightly and breathes out, "I don't know".

He turns in Eddie's arms to face him and brings his own arms around Eddie's lower back, holding him loosely.

"It's weird, right?" Steve says softly, "what do they want?" He slides his nose up and down Eddie's own before tipping his face up to his the tip of it.

Eddie hums, "well you won't know unless you answer love," he answers Steve's kiss with one of his own, soft against his lips, "if they call again, maybe pick up?"

Steve nods and flinches as the ringer starts up again behind them.

He breathes in deeply through his nose and out slowly through his mouth, Eddie brings up a hand to cup Steve's jaw and slides his thumb over his cheekbone.

"You got this," Eddie whispers, "if they say something shitty, just hang up, fuck em".

Steve nods and whirls around to snatch the phone off the console, he bites his lip for just a moment before saying a quiet, "Hello?"

"Steven?" A soft voice cracks wetly over the speaker and a sudden chill spreads over Steve's back.

"Mom?"

"Steven, honey," Diane Harrington says softly in a tone he's never heard before, "I need you to come home".

Steve turns around, Eddie is leaning against the opposite wall with his arms crossed, Steve feels his face contort with confusion which Eddie answers with a tilt of his head, "what? Mom, no--"

"Steven honey, this is important--"

"No offense," Steve intejects harshly, he's gripping the phone so hard the plastic creaks under his fingers. Eddie's concerned gaze has him releasing the phone from his death grip in a matter of seconds, but it's hard. He's right back there, nineteen years old again, in a screaming match with his dad in the living room, a red handprint blooms over his jaw as he tells Robert Harrington to, 'go fuck himself,' one last time.

"But, you don't get to do this, it's been years mom so forgive me if--"

"Steven, I'm, I'm sick".

Steve stops, his mouth opens and closes as his mother chokes on a broken sob, it comes through tinny and harsh over the speaker.

She tells him of the diagnosis, some form of leukemia, how it's spread much more rapidly than the doctors anticipated, how she refused treatment.

"I'm not going to spend the rest of my time in a hospital with no hair in one of those godawful hospital beds if I can help it Steven".

They talk for awhile, or really Mrs. Harrington talks for another half hour while Steve stands there silently with the phone in his hands. He nods every now and again but the movements are stiff, Eddie paces around the living room, stopping in front of Steve's eyeline every now and again.

"Okay," Steve finally says, his voice cracks just slightly enough to make Eddie cross the living room towards him.

"Mom...I don't know what you expect me to do?"

"Baby?" Eddie whispers, he stands just off to the side trying to catch Steve's eye.

"No, no--no! Mom, I thought I stopped being a Harrington a long time ago, right?" Steve snarls into the receiver, "you had so many opportunities to tell Dad he was wrong but you just sat there, what else am I supposed to think except that you agree with him?"

"Baby, just hang up--"

"Mom, Ma' you have to stop, I'm not coming back, I'm so-".

His mouth snaps shut and a deep flush begins to rise up his neck and over his cheeks, his eyes glassy.

"I'm sorry you're sick, but I'm not coming back, Goodluck".

Steve removes the phone from his ear, little snippets of words and crying trickle through over the speaker as Steve places the handset back on the dock.

"Baby," Eddie tries again, he reaches out tentatively, slowly letting his hands smooth over Steve's arms at the shoulder.

Steve shakes his head, his jaw clenched as his face crumples, he lets Eddie pull him into his chest and tucks his head into the juncture of Eddie's neck and shoulder.

Steve feels Eddie bring them slowly to the floor as he tries to slow down his breathing.

"I'm so sorry baby," Eddie whispers, pillowing his check onto Steve's head, he nuzzles the fluffy hair just once and squeezes Steve tighter.

"I don't, I just, where was this when she was healthy, it's..." Steve takes a deep breath, "why now, and she's not even sorry --neither of them are," he whispers into Eddies collarbone.

Eddie bites the inside of his cheek, he stays quiet, listening to Steve's breathing stop and start.

"I don't want her to be sick, but I just," he sniffles, "it's not fair, I'm so angry with her, with them both --its like they get a pass for being so shitty for so long--"

"No, no they don't, not if you don't want to," Eddie says, the words are soft but the tone firm, "you don't have to give them anything you don't want to".

"But--"

"Steve," Eddie pulls back just enough for Steve to raise his head, he lifts his hand to cup Steve's cheek, "it doesn't make you a bad person to not want to see her, to see them".

Steve starts to shake his head but Eddie's hand remains steady on his cheek.

"Do you want to see her?" He asks after a beat.

"I, I don't know," Steve pulls his lower lip into his mouth and chews the corner of it until he tastes copper, "I don't..."

Eddie tilts his head and sweeps his thumb across Steve's cheek in encouragement.

"I don't want my mom to die, I want her to want to fucking fight for herself, for me --she's just giving up again, she's just deciding to quit without even trying to be my mom," he chokes out, his voice breaks as tears finally spill down his cheeks.

"I'm not, I'm not explaining it right," Steve bites out, raising his hands to grind harshly into his eyes, "I don't want to forgive her, but I, I think I would if she would just try, I don't know what to do," he trails off as his voice wobbles and wanes, he breathes out harshly and lowers his face back into Eddies neck.

"Okay," Eddie whispers into Steve's hair as he brings Steve closer, bundling him up in his arms, "you don't have to know what to do or how to feel, especially not right now".

Eddie squeezes Steve once more before shifting to his knees to stand. He hoists Steve to his feet and leads him to the kitchen before depositing him in a kitchen table chair.

Eddie busies himself at the stove, moving the half full kettle from the far burner to the largest left coils, he flicks the element on and lowers the whistle back to alert him when the water boils.

"Did I ever tell you how I handled my mom's funeral?" Eddie asks, banishing the quiet from the room and almost startling Steve.

"I yelled at the casket," Eddie says with an air of non-chalance that does not match the words. He grabs two mugs from the cupboard before grabbing a box of tea from the pantry. He leaves the prepped cups on the counter before turning back around to face Steve.

"It was open, shouldn'ta' been," he continues with a shake of his head, "rural town, mortician wasn't used to working on overdoses so, they couldn't quite cover up the purple".

Steve reaches for Eddie's hands as he comes back to the table, in three slow strides. He smiles but a long sigh escapes Eddie as he sits in the chair next to Steve.

"I was thirteen, and I was so, so mad at her for leaving me," Eddie murmurs, "I couldn't help it, Uncle Wayne had to take me home before it was even over".

Eddie raises his head to meet Steve's eyes, "I felt like shit after though, probably cried all night once we got home".

"Im going to tell you what Wayne told me," Eddie says softly, he scoots to the edge of his seat, until his knees are brushing Steve's own.

"When you lose someone that made your life hard, you grieve more than just that person, you also grieve all that lost potential, everything you didn't have with that person," Eddie squeezes Steves hands once more before gently letting them go. He stands up as the kettle begins to squeal from the stove.

"Everything they never gave you and the possibility that they could change, it's like--like that physics guy," Eddie laughs, waving his hands at Steve's confused expression, "you know the one with the cat?"

Steve shakes his head, a small watery smile begins to bloom over his face as Eddie continues to make their tea and explain.

"You'll never know if they could have been better to you because they died, so they both are and aren't a good parent simultaneously," Eddie says, linking his fingers together, "shit, I bet Dustin could explain this better".

He walks their filled mugs over to the table and takes his seat again

"I dunno about that Eds," Steve mumbles as he wipes his eyes, "when did you get so wise?"

"'All Wayne sweetheart," Eddie hums with a soft grin that pulls at the corners of his eyes, he reaches out to wipe a stray tear from Steve's cheek, "don't tell him though, he doesn't need the ego boost".

Steve barks out a laugh, before Eddie pulls him into another tight hug, "so, you don't have to know how you feel right now, okay?"

"Okay".

Steve isn't sure how long they stay like that, but by the time Eddie let's go, their tea has gone cold.

[aropride]

my day today

6am wake up. The Fear. phone in bed time, shower, breakfast. still scared

9am-11am. homework in library until too scared. took anxiety meds.

12pm-1pm. anxiety gets worse. cancel plans with friend bc too scared.

1pm-3pm. severe headache. still scared

3pm-4pm. class. severe anxiety.

4pm-5pm. dinner. severe anxiety. too much mayo on my sandwich

5pm. going back to my dorm. get in the elevator. wearing mask as per usual. Two guys in there. im on my phone ignoring them as one does. one guy starts fake coughing and talking abt how he’s sorry he’s just “so sick” and it’s probably “the freshman flu”. his friend is like “idk what you’re talking about” and he’s like “i’ve been so sick all day bro i think it's the frat flu" and his friend's like "man what are you doing." (in his defense i feel like the friend was a bit offput by this guy being a cunt for no reason but didnt know what to do about it, which, like, it sucks but i get it). Elevator stops at the 3rd floor (im 4th, 3rd and 4th buttons were pressed) and this guy starts talking about how he was at "this frat party and it was crazy were you there. everyone was throwing up and stuff it was like alpha beta delta gamma-" ("that's not even a real frat" - the friend) and as hes doing this he's standing in the elevator door holding it open and now that the door is open and he's not physically in the elevator i feel okay acknowledging him so i look up from my phone and go. "Come on man." and even his friend seems mildly unimpressed and he's like "im just telling a story" and i'm like. "ok? you can text him." And he was like "i dont have a phone" but he left and his friend said something but i was not listening bc i was too busy vividly imagining various scenarios where i commit suicide as revenge for this whole ordeal. Anyway i'm making the executive decision to do drugs in my room alone tonight once i'm finished complaining abt this on all my social media accounts. Also i didn't think of it in time but the thing i've come up with to say when people are fucking stupid abt my mask is to get teary eyed (easy bc i cry when im mad or scared) and tell them my sister has leukemia and i just got back from visiting her. so.

[itsscromp]

Hello, I'm the anon that asked for something with Venom and anxious reader. I really liked it. I want to ask again for something that has been in my head.

Venom who bonds to reader who already isn't a very strong host and is battling a very bad ailment. With venom in their body he helps strengthen them against the disease. But they end up having a fight and venom leaves when his host can't sustain him. Only to end up feeling bad and missing them, so he comes back only to find their condition has severely worsened and they might not make it.

Sorry if it's a little long, but I really love what you do, keep doing it! ♥️

Venom x reader

Hello again anon, I'm so glad you enjoyed your request, Thank you for requesting again, Venom would do anything for his host. No matter what. Also a slight warning that if anything isn't accurate or correct, please don't hesitate to let me know :D Word count:1K

The past year has been absolute hell for you, You were diagnosed with leukemia, And over the year you were put through chemotherapy and underwent a lot of radiation, But the disease only spread rapidly and increased to stage 2, But that was when you met venom.

You became his host, You were amazed when he used his powers to do something about your cancer. And to the doctor's shock, you gained your strength back. In fact, you never felt better in your life. Going now 6 months without radiation or medication, your hair even grew back. But you remembered you had to help sustain venom as much as you could. But there was only so much your body could take. Yes, venom helped with your cancer, but only stopped it from progressing further. So you were still feeling the pain of it all whenever you tried to find any bad guys to help Venom.

While he was sympathetic at first, over time he grew increasingly frustrated over the lack of progress in finding bad guys to help sustain him.

"You said I could eat bad guys !!!!" He bit into your couch.

"Look I'm trying but theirs only so much that I can take to go and look through the entire city for you !!" you rubbed your face in frustration as he looked at you.

"Bullshit, This disease is only holding our potential together back, You should be lucky that I am helping you" He growled in frustration.

"Oh yeah ?? Says the parasite who got kicked off his own freaking planet !!!" you yelled at him.

'Parasite !!!" He yelled and headbutted you, breaking your nose. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, please let me fix it." He then healed your nose. "So I can break it again !!!" Headbutting and breaking your nose again.

"Fuck you !!!" You grabbed his head and slammed it on the coffee table.

A fight ensued with you two as things were thrown, venom tossing you around the apartment and slamming you against the wall. When he then trapped you on the ceiling, You reached for the smoke alarm and activated it, Sending a high frequency to him, Causing him to leap out of your body.

"Stuff this !!" He jumped out and infected another person, transforming them.

"No !!" You shouted as you saw him.

"Yeah !!" He flipped you off as he jumped off, He didn't need you, not at all. You couldn't sustain him.

But with you no longer his host, You grew deeply worried with thoughts running around your mind about your cancer. He helped slow it down. But he's gone, You were starting to shake with anxiety with what could happen now.

A week later venom was feeling bummed, He was starting to miss you, He was also starting to feel guilty for yelling at you. He knew you were trying your hardest. And he knew you didn't mean to call him a parasite. The guilt in him continued to consume him until he couldn't take it any longer. While still with his new host, he took control and headed back to your apartment. Knocking a few times but to no answer, this made him worried. So he knocked on your next-door neighbour's door which she answered.

"Excuse me ma'am, but do you know what happened to the person in that apartment ??" He pointed to your door.

"Oh... Y/n... I'm sorry but they're in hospital" she answered sadly.

"What ?? Why ??" Venom was in complete shock.

"I think their cancer got worse..."

"Which hospital did they go to ??" He asked, he needed to get to you.

"San Francisco State I believe" She answered .

With that, venom was on a mission, Taking the host's car and then driving like a mad symbiote to the hospital, his best friend was super sick now, and it was his fault...

"I'm coming y/n..."

He found the hospital and passed himself onto a doctor who was finishing his lunch break and went to the receptionist.

"I need the room for y/n l/n" He asked

"They are in the cancer unit, Room D12" The receptionist said.

He nodded and went on his way, Finding the cancer unit and then room D12, He opened the door to find you and hooked up to many machines. lying in bed unconscious as the nurse took some measurements and fixed your IV drip.

"How's they're condition looking ??" He asked, trying to sound like a doctor.

"It increased to stage 3, I don't think they'll have at least 2 days to live" The nurse said sadly.

2 days... no... venom needed to fix this, He needed your help. Once the nurse left , he joined her, but as he then closed the door, venom leaped out of his body and slithered his way up your bed, nearing your hand.

"Y/n... I don't know if you can hear me at all... But I'm going to make it better. I promise you, I'm really sorry for the fight, Let me fix it" He said to you sadly.

Soon he began to wreath into your body, determined to fight your cancer for you. With all his might he looked for the the cancer cells and cleared them out. Until they're was nothing left.

Your heart rate picked up as you got better and better. Eventually, you woke up. Back in the hospital room.

"Easy y/n... I got us" Venom softly said to you.

"Venom ??" You said weakly.

"Yes, It Is me... Y/n, I am so sorry for yelling at you, and for tossing you around the apartment..."

"No... I deserved it... I didn't keep my end of the bargain... So you had every right" Tears filled your eyes as the guilt consumed you too. "I'm sorry for calling you parasite" As your tears fall, small tentacles wreathed out your face and wiped them away.

"Cheer up ol' pal. Everything is gonna get better like they always do." Making you chuckle.

Venom would have your back through thick and thin. When life is at its most cloudiest. Darkest, He would be there to brighten it up again, just by being Venom. You wouldn't want anything else.

Taglist: @callofdudes @fun-k-board

[avelera]

I saw the IWTV finale early thanks to a kind soul sharing it with me!

A few (spoiler-y) thoughts:

Really interesting how they reimagined and framed the ending of this take on IWTV with Louis and Lestat mourning Claudia together. It feels like Justice For Claudia in many ways, it feels like a fitting homage to the origins of Claudia's character (the dead of Anne Rice's daughter from leukemia as a child), and in general was just a really interesting way to sort of give this closure the book never did and also use it to realistically allow them both to push forward past their toxic and abuse past into a somewhat plausible healed future.

It was also a decent reminder, to me, that these are vampires. These characters live forever. I would not condone Louis/Lestat in real life because life is too short to keep going back to an abusive ex. But these guys are vampires. Do not do as they do. But genuinely 70 years, a human lifetime, is realistically long enough to say, "Hey, we're new people now, we've learned and suffered a lot, we lost our daughter and it was fucked up. Maybe all we have is each other." And make peace with each other on that front.

BUT NOW I'M WONDERING HOW WE GET ROCKSTAR LESTAT - ok because Louis kind of got Lestat's book motivation for becoming a rockstar? The "Fuck you, come find me," to all the other vampires. Lestat I believe only speculates that as Louis' motivation, but they made it canon (or I could be wrong).

But that was Lestat's motivation for HIS book, making Louis and the others come find him. Since that's been solved with Louis coming to find him (lovely little homage to the IWTV movie with him playing the harpsichord) now I'm wondering if Louis is the one who encourages Lestat to become a rockstar and write down his book.

Thing is, it's not totally contradicted by the book. (SPOILERS) TVL does end with a beat where Louis and Lestat reunite and Louis is kind of his groupie for a bit. Moving that up so Louis is part of Lestat's rise is actually a really lovely touch, it gives them a bit more time together before shit goes down, and I could totally see this version of Louis as Lestat's agent since he's shown to have that business acumen.

Now that Daniel is a vampire (OMG OMG OMG MORE ON THAT IN A SECOND) the risk is no longer so bad for him to come interview Lestat and I'm sure he's salivating to do so and Louis would definitely invite Vampire Daniel to do the interview for Lestat's book, since there's no fear for his safety (or at least, not as much) anymore. And Daniel would jump at the chance. It would be a fabulous framing device, Rockstar Lestat with his agent, Louis, inviting Daniel to interview Lestat for his next book AND it means we get Daniel's snark throughout Lestat's story.

OK SO DANIEL BEING A VAMPIRE. Definitely leaves the door open for past AND present Devil's Minion WITH THE ADDED BONUS of Daniel not going insane after he's turned (likely owed to not being turned while still a drug addled young man so, hey, if there was past Devil's Minion where Armand said no, kudos to him for reading the situation correctly that vampirism would drive young Daniel insane but not Old Man Daniel).

I was SLIGHTLY, SLIGHTLY bummed to see Daniel as a vampire without getting to see the whole Daniel/Armand situation but only slightly. There wasn't enough room in the season, it would have been a distraction, and IMO we can now save it properly for its place in either TVL or QOTD, which I bet are going to be Seasons 3-4 or as many as 3-6 if we stick to 2 seasons per book.

A take on Devil's Minion where past and present Devil's Minion are intertwined would be AMAZING and I've got my fingers crossed that's how they do it. Maybe interweave a bit of Vampire Armand.

I don't think/know if we're going to get a full Vampire Armand season BUT I do believe the show is going to pivot its POV lens to say, hey, everyone's got a point of view, everyone's got a reason. At some point, we're going to get more of Armand's POV and why he did what he did because I imagine his version will be different from Louis', just as Lestat's is, that's the whole basis of the show. And in there maybe we'll get some past Daniel/Armand.

Ok this already got away from me but ANYWAY, those are my thoughts for now.

[doumadono]

you're a fucking bitch for not accepting emergency requests during christmas time. selfish cunt. I hope you rot in hell, fucking pig

Initially, I had half a mind to ignore this message, you know, let it drift into the abyss of unread notifications. But then, on the flip side, I figured it might be worth my precious time to drop a line or two and enlighten you on a couple of things.

About six months ago, I graciously introduced emergency requests as a feature on my blog. Since then, I've effortlessly tackled nearly 80 emergency requests, rejecting just one which contained explicit content. I'm consistently available when others need to let off steam, doing my utmost to lend a listening ear and offer advice.

You see, I'm practically donating my personal time to craft these requests and provide a dash of solace to those desperately in need of it. I want to clarify that my availability to fulfill requests may be limited during certain times, including holidays, due to personal commitments or high demand.

Listen up, you self-righteous hypocrite. Calling me names just because I need a bit of time for myself? That's some next-level hypocrisy right there :) Thanks to folks like you, I'm seriously contemplating shutting down emergency requests as the new year kicks in.

In case you haven't noticed, I've got a truckload on my plate. I'm waging a freaking war against leukemia, juggling the responsibilities of raising kids, and still, I manage to get back to work to help my patients going through awful situations. And what do I get in return? Your snide remarks? Bitch please.

I usually brush off stupid comments, but your words hit a nerve today. I bust my ass to aid others, often when I'm feeling worse than low. Am I being selfish now? Damn right I am. But who can blame me?

As for those emergency requests, who the heck knows? The decision will be made by the end of the year. Right now, I'm feeling lower than low, and I don't have the time or patience to deal with this crap. So, do me a favor and save your judgment for someone who gives a damn. If you're feeling a bit Grinchy, maybe a cup of cocoa or some jolly tunes will do the trick.

[lucajayms]

fuckin' liar

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gerard way x reader she/her used use of y/n

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part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

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masterlist

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warnings: drug use, angst, needles

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I exhaled as I felt the high take over me once more. The needle stayed in my arm for, how long after? No idea. All I know is I've gotten my fix for the moment. Since Black Parade was coming out next week, there was a party tonight to congratulate us on the new album put on by our record company. Since I don't drink and neither does Gee, I asked him to go get me a monster from the corner store. In reality, it was just so I could shoot up.

Day blurred together and I had no idea if I was losing myself or not. It started with secret THC edibles, and then opiates. The pills were my favorite I'd have to say. They scratched an itch I didn't know needed to be scratched in the first place.

That itch was impending doom. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with stage two leukemia, and since I've beaten it, I've always feared it to be lurking behind me. Drugs silence those fears. Am I a shitty person? Oh absolutely. I don't deserve Gerard. I'm a fucking hypocrite. But do I have any intentions to quit? Hell the fuck no. This was different. I wasn't snorting cocaine in the tourbus bathroom like I found Gee a few years ago, I just happened to go see my dealer when she was out of opiates. Her boss told me heroin had a similar effect. I tried it just to see what it would feel like, but it's never just trying it. Thank god I have money, otherwise I'd be in trouble with some dangerouse people.

The familiar sound of the front door rang through my ears, but I didn't comprehend it until it was too late.

Gerard stepped into the bedroom, holding the Monster in one hand, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. His face paled, eyes wide with shock and disbelief as they locked onto the needle sitting next to me.

For a moment, neither of us said anything. The silence was suffocating, filled with a thousand unspoken words, a thousand shattered promises. I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me, but I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. I just stared at him, frozen in place.

Gerard’s expression twisted from shock to something darker—hurt, betrayal, anger. He dropped the Monster on the floor, the can rolling across the carpet as he turned away from me. My throat tightened, and for the first time in a long time, I felt truly terrified. I had never seen Gerard look at me like that before, like he didn’t even recognize me.

“Gee—” I started, my voice hoarse and trembling, but he cut me off.

“Don’t,” he snapped, his voice low and venomous. “Don’t say anything.”

I tried to sit up, reaching out for him. “I—”

Gerard spun around, his eyes blazing with anger. “What the hell are you doing, (Y/N)?” His voice cracked, a mixture of fury and pain. “After everything with your sister? With me? After everything we’ve been through? You’re doing this?”

“I’m sorry, I—” My voice faltered, the words sticking in my throat.

“Sorry?” Gerard laughed bitterly, running a hand through his white hair. “You’re sorry? Do you even understand what you’re doing to yourself? To us? You promised me, (Y/N). You promised me you were okay.”

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I couldn’t find the words to explain. I wasn’t okay, not even close, but how could I explain that? How could I tell him about the fear that gnawed at me every day, the anxiety that consumed my thoughts, the constant dread of the cancer coming back? How could I tell him that I felt like I was dying inside?

“I didn’t mean for it to get this bad,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I just… I don’t know how to stop.”

Gerard stared at me, his face a mixture of hurt and frustration. “You don’t know how to stop? (Y/N), you have to stop. This isn’t something you can just mess around with. Do you know how dangerous this is? Do you know what you’re doing to yourself?”

I nodded, my tears falling freely now. “I know,” I sobbed. “I know, but I’m scared, Gee. I’m scared of the cancer coming back. I’m scared of everything.”

Gerard’s expression softened for a moment, his anger giving way to a deep sadness. He walked over to the bed, sitting down beside me, but he didn’t reach out to hold me. Instead, he sat there in silence, his head in his hands.

“I don’t know what to say,” he muttered after a long pause. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

I reached out, my fingers brushing against his arm, but he pulled away. The gesture stung, and my heart broke a little more.

“I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself,” Gerard said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “And right now, I don’t even know if I can be around you. I can't talk to you because you're a fucking liar. You lied to me, to our friends and family. I'm so upset with you, (Y/N), it's not even fuckin' funny."

I was speechless. I am a liar. I am a bad person. I ruined my trust with the man I love, and I would probably never get it back. Tears began swelling in my eyes as Gerard grabbed a towel from the bathroom to clean up my needle and spoon. He gently lifted the needle with the towel before speaking, "Don't cry and ruin your makeup, we still have a party to go to." He said coldly. "But after this party, I'm staying with Mikey for a bit. I don't know if I can be around you."

Fair. Though I think the heroin is messing with my perception, because he seems way less angry than he should be. He's right, this is bad for his sobriety, having over a year, almost two clean and sober.

"Okay." Was all I could mutter. I couldn't think straight because of the drugs, but also because of how upset I was and how stupid I was for getting caught.

"Is that what you're wearing?" He asks, his voice sounding echoed. Oh, I was still in my jeans from our shopping trip earlier. I shake my head slowly, still focused on the peeling paint just left of the socket that the TV is plugged into. "Then get dressed, we're leaving in ten." He says, coldly. I push myself off of the bed and entire my closet, not looking at him in the eye. As I look for a dress to wear, I hear the toilet flush.

Fuck.

[jackwhiteprophetic]

9-1-1 Plot holes? Or storylines you felt could have gone on longer?

Hmmm I've been thinking about this one and I will probably come up with better ones later...

I mean the whole timeline in general is just a massive plot hole right? Ages don't really make sense, but I really want to see some more characters' birthdays being celebrated because that would be fun and silly!!!

I really liked Eddie's arc in s5 with his breakdown and the stuff with his dad, I wish it continued more into season 6 rather than just doing what they often do with Eddie and Buck, where they're like OH YES THEY'RE NOW FULLY HEALED FROM LIFE ALTERING TRAUMA ----> DATING TIME!!! Like I HATED when the team kind of pushed Eddie into finding someone it's so weird ughhh.

Also I wish they gave basically all the storylines this season more time, especially Chris leaving (there were definitely so many scenes they cut and it meant it just felt like it was missing stuff). I wanted them to drag out Bobby's coma arc more.

Again with plot holes, the whole Gerrard thing is just something I despise and it's such a rushed and weird storyline, like we all know he's not gonna stay and we all know he's fucking evil so why the fuck should they just subject the audience to seeing their characters be targeted by a bigot, and why put the actors through that again????

I also think they missed out on having Buck and Ravi talk about childhood leukemia and stuff, like that's such a clear link between them that they STILL HAVE TIME TO EXPAND UPON PLEASE!!!!

I also wish they gave us more of an update on Denny's dad and stuff, because they just haven't really addressed it this season, also in like S3 when they first meet Denny's dad (it might be S2 sorry) he's like it's up to you whether I'm in his life... ARE YOU TELLING ME HEN AND KAREN WERE LIKE UMMMM YEAH NO WE'RE DOING NO CONTACT???? FOR NO REASON???? WHYY?? That confused me...

Also I know it was a short season but I hope we get a Maddie begins or a properly expanded upon Maddie storyline next season, because even though I loved the madney wedding I think they should have extended it so that Maddie could have her own storyline, maybe a Hen (excuse the pun) party or idk just more screen time in her own wedding???

Anyway I still really enjoyed this last season and I love the show!!! It's just very silly and the plot holes are generally quite funny! ALSO SORRY I'M ADDING A LOT but the Taylor Kelly book I'M SO ANNOYED IT WAS ONLY COMMENTED ON IN PASSING. AND NOW I FEAR WE ARE TOO FAR FROM IT BEING RELEASED TO HAVE THAT EXPANDED UPON. WHICH IS NOT FAIR!!!

Have a wonderful day and lmk yours!!!

[gaykamenriderdreams]

Alright ok alright ok ALRIGHT

Shin Kamen Rider (2023). ALRIGHT.

This movie dropkicked me off a building so hard I BOUNCED when I hit the ground

And now I'm going to talk about it! Literally cannot shut up!

This got LONG (hit the post size limit) so I'm going to shove it under a Read More or two to be polite. [This is part 1 of 2!]

Have fun!!

To start things off, let’s talk

BACKGROUNDS

Starting with Hongo!

Comparing 71 vs the manga...

In both, he’s still a student. In 71, he’s an active member of the Tachibana racing club, with several friends who are club members! Most of them are out of town, but can be expected to return for races, especially his friend and racing rival, Goro Hayase!

In the manga, he was raised and supported by Tachibana Tobei after both his parents passed away in his youth.

Shin Kamen Rider (2023) uses NEITHER of these backstories, and in the process, it makes Hongo more alone than ever. No family, no friends, no racing club, just one former professor that didn’t stay in contact and then betrayed his trust and violated his bodily autonomy.

And I'm not just talking about turning him into an Aug either!! When they meet again, Professor Midorikawa just GRABS Hongo’s belt to demonstrate how to release the transformation. Without asking, without explaining it so Hongo can do it on his own without being touched. That belt is part of him now. Grabbing it like that… It’s just not the same as fixing someone’s tie or wiping food off their face—though you’d ASK before you did those things too.

I wanted to punch this man for real for real. Don't think that just because you designed him you have the right to put your damn hands on him!! BACK THE FUCK UP

...I personally enjoyed how they took some time to recognize Professor Midorikawa’s culpability for Hongo’s abduction.

In the manga he says he meant for them to escape together before Hongo was modified, but in the ’71 show he says no such thing. He asks for Hongo’s forgiveness, but doesn’t deny that he recommended Hongo to Shocker.

In Shin… he doesn’t even seem sorry. AT ALL.

He justifies everything to Hongo by poking at sensitive subjects that were likely discussed in confidence, if at all. And all this is in front of Ruriko, this girl Hongo’s never met, who proceeds to tell him to his face that the reason he’s alone is because he’s unlikeable. And Professor Midorikawa doesn’t say a word in Hongo’s defense! He silently agrees with her! He’s probably even the person that told her that about Hongo in the first place!

Even when Hongo looks at him for help and support, the professor just ignores him. And Hongo just… silently accepts that. Like he didn’t expect anything else.

Like he expects to be ignored, or betrayed, or hurt by others. Like that’s what “normal” is for him.

AND THAT AIN’T EVEN GETTING INTO THE SHIT WITH HIS DAD DING-DONG DITCH DYING ON HIM HOOO BOY

And then there’s Hayato!

Hey what the fuck does that mean?

Comparing Hayato's original appearances...

In 71 he appears from nowhere like he was born on that table.

There’s One Guy (Mr. Yamazaki) that he studied photography with, and he doesn’t even know Hayato that well!! They were acquaintances, from Yamazaki’s point of view. And even after Hayato saves his life, he’s just like “well, time to go back to not ever contacting him” like what

In the manga, he has a family in a fishing village. He left and published a series of photographs called “Chasing the Black Rain”, discussing the long-term effects of nuclear fallout from the atomic bombs dropped on Japan. During the project, he made friends with two survivors, a kid with leukemia and his older sister. They’ve known each other for months, and he visits them regularly.

So it seems like Shin Kamen Rider leans more into the ’71 series for Hayato’s backstory.

He’s alone too. If he has any connections with other people, they’re superficial. Colleagues, former classmates… none of whom bothered to stay in touch. No one who Hayato would want to get in touch with when he was freed. No one who’d care when he went missing. No one who’d care if he stayed gone.

With background established, there’s two questions left.

How’d he end up in Shocker’s hands?

And how he’d end up an Aug? THESE ARE DIFFERENT QUESTIONS.

Presumably, they picked him up when he was getting a little too close to getting a scoop on Shocker. There’s plenty of missing-persons cases he could have gotten caught up in, especially given all the incident reports on Shocker operations that Taki has.

Ending up an Aug though… that’s more complex.

The average Shocker abduction victim or volunteer just becomes a mindless drone—one of the goons. NOT a full Aug.

The Augs seem to be exclusively those people that the AI “I” decides are truly miserable, moreso than anyone else.

SO HEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT HAYATO. HMM.

SADNESS

            They’re both really sad (in different ways)! And the fact that they’re both Augs and not regular goons is canon confirmation of that!

 Ichiro/Butterfly Guy says that he ‘tweaked’ Hayato. So he didn’t make him from scratch, like Professor Midorikawa did for Hongo. Which MEANS that whatever sorting process the AI “I” goes through to pick Augs, Hayato qualified, without anyone else’s thumbs on the scales.

            On Hongo’s side of things, I’d argue that if Professor Midorikawa was able to get permission to make Hongo into an Aug, that also means he was able to convince K that Hongo would fulfill I’s Miserable Requirements, whatever those are. There aren’t very many Augs to start with, and Ruriko’s shock at there being an Aug she didn’t know about suggests that they take time, skilled labor, and resources to make—which Shocker might not have in large supply, since they still seem to be getting their footing as a cult. So I think they would be pretttty picky about who exactly get the “privilege” of being augmented. This would also make the “glum-chum” comment from Ruriko make even more sense. If she’s saying that, she must have heard it or read it from somewhere, likely from Professor Midorikawa. He’d probably mention it or put it in his notes on Hongo IF it was important for his plans—and if “I” only accepts Aug candidates that are depressed, and Midorikawa needs an Aug candidate he KNOWS will qualify… that could be a large part of why Hongo was picked in the first place. The Professor even seems to indirectly confirm this when he justifies his decision to Hongo. He says “I know your despair” and says that “it had to be you”. If Hongo’s the most miserable guy he knows, and he needed someone sad in order to ‘pass inspection’… then yeah, it had to be Hongo.

In the same speech he claims that Hongo “wanted it”. What he DOESN’T say is anything like “I wanted to help you”. He damn well knows what he did was selfish, and that he’s exploiting Hongo’s suffering for power, even IF he’s trying to use that power to destroy Shocker’s evil.

"You wanted it". Disgusting. That's a pretty excuse, if by pretty you mean "pretty damn bullshit".

Anyway back to Hongo and Hayato.

APPROACHES TO PEOPLE

The way these two think about other people drives me insane. It’s so different from their previous portrayals in a way that’s so fascinating to me.

In Shin Kamen Rider, Hongo really does think that he’s loved and cared about.

But everyone he thinks that about, hurts him relentlessly, and/or just leaves. They’re not reliable.

His dad! Doesn’t even look at Hongo. Even when they're face-to-face he doesn't focus on what's right in front of him. He gets himself killed without any sort of safety net for his kid when he Damn Well Knows he’s a cop and that’s a dangerous job. (For every other version of Hongo, he at least has Tachibana!) And I hear you saying, he didn’t mean to leave Hongo behind… which is true! But I’m not talking about what any of these characters meant to have happen, I'm talking about the impact they had on Hongo, and the way they made him feel emotionally.

Professor Midorikawa! Solely responsible for getting him Borged and then doesn’t even have the decency to treat him with respect afterwards! Heavily implied he was saying shit about Hongo behind his back! And then he dies!

Ruriko (when they first meet)! Eventually, the care he shows her is reciprocated when she recognizes that what he fears more than almost anything else is being abandoned, AGAIN. So she figures out how to stay even IF she dies. But before that she is… really quite mean.

But even though these people caused him pain, Hongo doesn’t care, because being hurt is just normal, for him.

People he cares about hurt him so much, too much, and he thinks that's normal. That’s just how it is. That’s how love works, the people who love you hurt you, and then you’re not good enough somehow, and then they leave you behind.

Hayato… he thinks nobody SHOULD love him. Because why would they?

Because that's just normal. Nobody has before so nobody should.

For him seeing anyone express any sort of care towards him is just… alien. He hasn’t a clue what to do.

It’s like, “If you care about me that's weird why are you doing that? Let me help I'll just go away. That will make things better (normal) again”

He tries to get away from Hongo as fast as he can, but why? He LIKES Hongo. He takes his photo. He wants to remember him. He wants to help him. So if he’s leaving, he must think that that’s how he can help. That’s what ‘helping’ is—staying away.

He goes out of his way to tell Hongo that hey, you don’t need to worry about me! I’ll be fine! I’m okay with being alone, so you don’t have to be guilty! You can be relieved that I’m gone! (Everyone else is relieved when I leave. That’s just normal)

OOHG but their ideas of "normal" just HURT them SO SO SO BAD

NEED EACH OTHER

So what really REALLY kicks my ass is how the fucked up way they both view relationships is mended by their partnership with each other. They finally get to interact with someone who breaks their expectation of how things are “supposed” to work, and in doing so, they form an equal relationship of mutual care.

This really came together for me in the dark of the tunnel.

They both have a moment where they just. PAUSE. And don't say anything. And just, process. In silence.

AND IT'S A DIFFERENT MOMENT FOR BOTH OF THEMM

Hayato's Big Pause is when Hongo calls them the Double Riders for the first time (this is also the first time in the film where anyone claims Hayato as "theirs" or "belonging" in any way that's RECIPROCATING Hayato's feelings instead of commanding him)

And he just. He Doesn't Say Anything for a LONG moment. He has to PROCESS THAT.

BELONGING to someone, BELONGING WITH someone.

As a PERSON, not a tool.

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

For HONGO, it's here

Someone asking him if he's okay, offering to help, not leaving even when he's struggling to keep up, coming BACK for him. It’s the first time someone comes BACK.

He takes SO LONG to take Hayato's hand... it's like he's scared it'll be pulled away again....

AND THEN HE APOLOGIZES FOR BEING HESITANT.

They both provide what the other thinks is impossible.

For Hayato, it's the living-in-the-moment EXPERIENCE of Having Someone There who Wants Him To Stay.

And for Hongo, it's the PROMISE of being there to help not hurt, the reliability, the not-going-to-abandon-you,,,, and the only thing he can do in response to that impossible premise, of “someone who won’t abandon you, someone who will come back”, is promise to right back, to never leave Hayato alone, even if he dies. He also finds a way to stay, because he knows how being left behind feels.

It seems like despite Hongo saying he doesn't want to be like his father, he ended up dying like him anyway, but!! I don't see it that way.

He made sure that no matter what, he wouldn't be leaving his loved ones all alone. Even though he didn't think he'd survive, he wanted to at least make sure his helmet was recovered, so that Hayato and Ruriko would both have each other to lean on.

I have to lie down this shit is too much

Also FUCK I did NOT come up with this but as soon as I saw it it KICKED my FUCKING ass

So there’s this repeated line about “pain” being one stroke away from “happiness”, when you write it out—

—And hey look look look LOOK

Ichimonji Hayato —>一文字 隼人

HEY WHAT’S THAT??? ONE STROKE??? 一????

Literally translated, Hayato’s first name means something like “the character for one”

So… he’s the one line needed to turn Hongo’s pain into happiness

Yeah just bury me in the dirt, alright, ok,

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS VERY MUCH DUE

[THIS IS PART ONE OF TWO IF YOU LIKED IT YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY READING PART 2 here or on my actual blog here (it's green! Yeah!)]

[miguelobsession]

I just saw a tiktok with theory that Miguel had Gabriella with Tempest (his comic gf) but then she died of her leukemia and now I'm fucking screaming and crying because that fits into my theory of Gabi's mom being gone and that's why movie Miguel decided to replace himself

Movie Miguel seeing himself with the daughter and going ?? Who's the mother, where is she

And then watching his counterpart screaming and crying over a hospital bed while the heartbeat monitor is just deadlining

And movie Miguel just going "...oh."

[gojocp]

Hello~

Are you taking request for Weak Hero???

Because I've got one!!

If yes, can I request Donald Na spending a last day with his sunshine girlfriend?? (Let's just say she's dying lol)

(sunshine - bright, stay positive type of a person)

first love/late spring

cw: angst, mention of character death featuring: donald na

a/n: hiii!! tysm for the request, the idea is so sad 😭😭hope you enjoy!! lmk how this is! < 33

"so please, hurry, leave me.. i can't breathe.. please don't say you love me" ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

'no.' was his first thought. 'no, no, no, no. this can't be happening.. not again..' he thinks. donald stares at you with wide eyes as you tell him the news. "i have leukemia." you say, looking down at your hands. "...what?" he asks quietly, eyes wide. "no.. no you- i-.." he trails off. his eyes start to water as he thinks of his mother, laying in the hospital bed on life-support.

as if you can read his mind, you say, "the doctor said chemotherapy is helpful, and the five-year survival rate is 65%. it'll probably go away with chemo, it's okay." you say, rubbing his back soothingly. "it'll be okay, donald." you add, placing a kiss on his temple.

"yeah, yeah.. it's okay, you're okay, you're fine, yeah.. it'll be okay.." he mumbles, trying to convince himself. .・。.・゜✭・.

that was 4 years ago, and things weren't looking good. you were losing your memory, your skin was pale, you were losing you appetite as swallowing became painful, you were losing weight, and it was harder to breathe.

donald visited whenever he could, but it became harder as the union grew. he took a few weeks off to spend time with you. there wasn't much left anyway.

donald sat by your bed holding you hand and placing soft kisses on it as he watched you rest. your cheeks had become hollow, your body frail. the doctor had informed him you didn't have much time left, a few days at most.

"donald..? is that you..?" you whisper. "yeah, i'm here.." he responds, softly. "what about your meeting?" you asked. "i already went.." he smiled, lying through his teeth. the meeting was 3 weeks ago. but he couldn't find it in his heart to correct you.

bang...bang..

"oh, hey! look, fireworks!" you beam, your eyes lighting up as you looking out the window. "is today something special?" you ask. "no.. i don't think so.." he responds. "hmm, i wonder what they're for.." you trail off. donald couldn't say the same, he set them up after all, knowing how much you enjoy watching them.

"when i go, i hope i go out just as beautifully.." you sigh, gazing out the window. "i'd like it if you didn't go at all.." he mumbles, watching your smile.

that's when reality hit for donald, you really were going. and it scared him.

"donald, i.." you begin, looking at your intertwined hands. 'please don't say it..' he thought. "i think i'm ready now.." you say, giving him a sheepish smile. 'fuck..that's even worse..'

"okay..." he starts, voice cracking as he tries to stay strong for you. and because he's loves you, he lets you say it. "i love you.."

"i love you too.." he says, covering his eyes with a hand in an attempt to hide his tears. "it'll be okay.. i'll be with you.." you begin. "in here," you point to his forehead, "and in here." you finish, pointing to his heart. and with that, you let sleep overtake you.

and you were right, maybe not in the way you meant it, but when he wakes up and your heart is no longer beating, the first places to hurt are his head and heart.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

(TW) Depression - Masterlist

Always In Spring (ao3) - loveliketheweather Luke/Calum M, 17k

Summary: Luke and Calum’s friendship has gone through many highs and lows, and it’s so full of parallels and full-circle moments that it’s almost like the universe is set to make sure they grow, love and stay together.

Bleeding heart (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton M, 35k

Summary: Time changes. Some would say that all of his wishes came true and in some way they did. That's why he stopped wishing upon the stars like he did when he was a naive child. Because all those wishes led him up to this moment in time. A time where Luke stopped wishing upon a star and instead felt himself become one. Each and every day he felt his mind leaving his body and float away. It's only a matter of time now until he's leaving the atmosphere and becomes a floating rock himself. A rock without its glow, just a cold hard rock that no one sees and cares about.

Or Luke's past relationship haunts his ever waking moment and everything comes crashing down during the highly anticipated Meet You There Tour.

Butterfly (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton, michael/calum M, 29k

Summary: Luke is depressed and Ashton makes him feel loved (and maybe Luke returns the favour too). Also Malum. Yes.

come alive and bring the thunder (ao3) - merlypops michael/luke E, 36k

Summary: Prince Luke of the Faeries is forced to marry King Michael after a War between kingdoms threatens to tear their lives apart… and maybe Luke and Michael fall in love too. Maybe.

Grey Mornings (ao3) - FayeHunter Luke/Ashton T, 1k

Summary: Luke's having an off day during his second pregnancy.

Maelstrom (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton, michael/calum, mali/harry E, 225k

Summary: Ashton is struggling, Luke is hiding, and Michael and Calum just want to make things work. (And maybe Ashton and Luke fall in love too. Maybe.)

Peroxide (ao3) - DreamWeaver14 luke/ashton T, 5k

Summary: Luke and Ashton used to be a thing, but when Ash leaves Luke for someone else Luke starts to fall apart at the seams. He holes himself away and prays for death to come and take him away. But when one night he finds solace in a blade, he finds himself in over his head... Can Ashton save him?

Basically tooth-achingly, tear inducing fluff where two boys were too dumb to say 'I love you' when they should have and everything falls apart...

Rejects (ao3) - realmsoffreedom calum/ashton, michael/luke M, 79k

Summary: They try to save me, but I'm too far gone. And they called me crazy, so I played along. And you wanna change me, but I'm on my own...

Ashton, Michael, Calum, and Luke are the rejects of their school- outcasts, the victims of relentless torture and bullying. Damaged- unable to function normally, none of them have any hope for the future- in fact, all four of them regard their future as being six feet under, no longer living. But- relationships form, hearts break, and the mess that they're living only spirals further out of control, as everything gets significantly worse. Worse enough- that one of them could end up taking his own life.

Sometimes You Find Hope in the Darkest Places (ao3) - realmsoffreedom michael/ashton M, 29k

Summary: "Why are you so patient with me? I want to die, and that's fucking selfish, because there's a possibility that you will, even though you don't want to."

"Because I love you. I'm not going to die, and neither are you."

Or, where Michael is a depressed, anxiety-ridden, self-harming introvert, whose mother is forcing him to volunteer at a hospital, and Ashton is a patient suffering from leukemia, whose outlook on life is strangely optimistic and positive, for someone in his situation.

This is their story.

Tempest (ao3) - merlypops michael/calum, luke/ashton E, 314k

Summary: Calum’s best friends are falling apart, Mali is gone, and Calum just wants to be perfect.

the light in your eyes (ao3) - cashcakeplz michael/calum, michael/luke, luke/ashton N/R, 137k

Summary: Or the one where Calum is beautiful and beaten, Michael is in love with his best friend, Luke is lost, and Ashton just wants everyone to be happy.

there's this ringing in my head (who said it was gonna be easy?) (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton T, 2k

Summary: ashton should've known he wasn't worth it.

Three Years (ao3) - blindspot luke/ashton, michael/calum G, 5k

Summary: The one where Ashton is depressed, Michael and Calum come to visit him in New York and he finally finds his soulmate.

when the party ends (ao3) - galacticsugar Luke/Calum E, 30k

Summary: Sadly, Calum is going to have to buy this bottle of wine. Is he torturing himself unnecessarily? Definitely. He can’t even really make himself feel pathetic about it, though. He’s fully aware of what he’s doing. Of why he misses Luke so much. Of why drinking this wine alone in his apartment is a bad idea. Even without Luke actually being present, Calum is using him.

a heaven, iowa songfic.

you keep eternity (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton, michael/calum E, 77k

Summary: Luke crashes into Ashton's life like a shooting star, Calum shows Michael that he's still beautiful, and maybe things don't feel so dark anymore.

your string of lights is still bright to me (ao3) - merlypops michael/calum, bryana/ashton, luke/omc E, 81k

Summary: Michael is struggling to be the father his daughters need. Until he meets Calum again.

[lgbtmi]

I am so invested from your tags on my diablerie post. Can you elaborate?

ABSOLUTELY!! let me introduce you to my girls :D

First off, we have Willow! 12th generation Toreador in Amsterdam. (art by @its-sixxers <3)

When she was embraced, her Sire's Sire was the Prince of Amsterdam. Over the last couple of months, Adelheid lost power to a Ventrue in an event where the Ventrue had Willow's Sire publicly executed. Adelheid then left the city. Willow was left without a support system (she's American, the only family she had in Amsterdam were her Sire Maarten and Adelheid), and the Tremere in her coterie got a letter. From Adelheid. In which she asked if he could please tell Willow she's sorry and all that jazz. Let's just say Willow has a bit of a grudge against her Grandsire. But additionally, she also basically put her Grandsire on a pedestal and would do literally everything for this woman. Willow's fucked up perception of Adelheid really can only be fixed by Willow just... eating her. Their relationship is absolutely toxic, but Willow doesn't see that. I'm not sure how familiar you are with SIX the musical, but the other day I told my ST that Adelheid is the King Henry VIII to Willow's Katheryn Howard, which is not untrue. There's scheming happening, maybe eventually she'll the effect Adelheid has on her and find it in herself (with her Ventrue boyfriend there to support her) to eat her, usurp her and her previous position in the Camarilla, if you will. My ST won't let me yet, though. /lh

Alternatively, I have my newest character who I've played for two (2) games total so far. Her name is Eva, she's a thin-blood in Amersfoort in an After the Fall setting, so the city has basically gone to shit. (more art by @its-sixxers <3 <3)

Eva is a thin-blooded character. She was embraced by her Banu Haqim high school sweetheart Adam after not having seen him in over two decades. They reunited in a local police station, after she got arrested for petty theft and he was working the night shift. They got to talking, she discussed the fact that she was going to die soon anyway, and he panicked because he didn't want to lose her after having found her again. Super romantic, right?

The thing is, she was already terminally ill. Diagnosed with leukemia, multiple courses of treatment that never worked as they should, and she had like... maybe two years max to live? And Adam's a 13th generation Banu Haqim. Her blood's too thin, her blood was already trying to murder her. And now she's stuck with Vitae Dependency as a thin-blood flaw, and Lifelike as a thin-blood merit. A body with vitae not strong enough to sustain itself without regular additions of Vampiric Vitae, constantly sick, constantly basically dying. Using her skills takes energy she doesn't have out of her. Her baby teeth don't let her feed like a normal vampire. But Adam's there. He takes responsibility, lets her drink from him, helps her, lets her live because he can't live without her.

And the one thing she wants is to not be sick all the time. A cure for her condition, a fix for her sickly body, a way for her to be fine for the first time in years. And the one thing they've come up with so far, is diablerie. There's no active plans (yet) on how to get a vampire's soul into Eva without it overtaking her body and stuff, but for now that's the goal - unless another cure is made available, since returning to mortality is not the way for her.

[tomyo]

I watched Trap and it was wild.

Spoilers ahead

Its weird because my cohorts said it was bad but also were more quiet during the movie than they were for Beetlejuice 2 (we were at a double feature). I think overall it had a lot of potential but it went in to many directions.

For those who want to know the twist, I guess it is either one of two things; 1. His wife set him up or 2. He just keeps not getting caught. But okay let's explain 2.

Basically it's everything the trailer promises you; he's in the concert, it's ridiculously covered with police, he notices and tries to escape. Now let me explain all the ways he tries to get out JUST at the concert (yes he does get out). First he starts trying to get out normally, drags his daughter around and scopes all exits, pushes over a drunk woman down some stairs to distract the guards and then leave except there are so many officers they are immediately covered by more, so he starts collecting a bunch to figure out how to get out, he befriends the t shirt seller, he goes in back to get more shirts with him, steals his card, learns there's a special password he has to give, uses the card to go into the break room, listens in on a police briefing, pretends to get coffee, somehow knows where the sugar is to give to an officer, steals a radio (mind you there is enough guards to be more than all of Philadelphia's squad and yes I'm aware how large that number is), tries to convince his daughter to dive into the trap door that opened audience side in the stadium (why would they allow that if they're so militant about catching him?), he finds out there's a profiler who is basically L, steals a bracelet from a different attendee to cover his tiny arm tattoo they somehow identified was on him, almost pulls a fire alarm until the profiler mentions that over the radio, sets off an glass oil explosion just to distract guards so he can get an apron, goes on the roof, pretends he's crying over the girl who got mailed, finds out there's a card he also is supposed to have, lucks out the apron had a wallet, asks about the profiler and the fucking swat team tells him despite his sudden coldness despite how scarred he is, at some point he tells his 12 year old daughter to meet him at a distant meeting spot if he doesn't come back, tells m night shamalan's character that his daughter has leukemia that she hates acknowledging so she will get taken back stage, administers first aid to a preteen who fainted back stage (he is a firefighter), notices the pop star needs an inhaler yet never uses that info, and despite somehow them all being extremely aware one of the men in the audience in the killer, convinces the pop star to go into her dressing room alone with him.

Now my friends and I were cracking theories the whole time (this was a drive in so we were able to talk in a more private space) and at some point I assumed that this was the whole trap, the profiler was clearly aware of his likely actions about as soon as he came up with them. I was banking on the idea that the t shirt seller, the guards, and the info back stage were the only people getting out was a very intentional goal to lead him into getting caught. I thought it would be so smart to say "This whole time the way out was actually the trap."

But no, what happens next is he reveals himself as the butcher to the popstar and tells her he will kill the guy via his phone if she doesn't get him out of there. So she does, she actually drives him and his daughter out but then does a smart move in asking to drop them off at their house. And suddenly everything is using pov shots from the popstar's view. And AGAIN it's almost smart, it's like we are parrelelling his attempt to escape with her attempt to catch him. There's all these suggestions of themes; he has some mommy issues and it's suddenly also a plot point he is OCD (they really just drop it in out if no where and it becomes suddenly really relevant) and she doesn't know her father. It's almost like her fatherlessness and him being a father is meant to mean something or his mommy issues that people use against him are meant to mean something. And she theoretically does smart things; she puts him in a situation where his phone is close enough for her to grab, she locks herself with it in the bathroom pretty haphazardly but it's okay cuz she's panicked, and after getting info from the captive, she goes on live and uses her star power to crowd source finding the victims location.

Now here's where another "this is the theme" moment really could have played out. All while this concert is going on there are thousands of phones being used to capture the concert and certainly would catch some of the butcher acting weird. It's easy to say even if he escaped, he still would've been caught by camera right? That is an easy answer to how he could've been foiled but still create a surprise. But I mean okay, instead we have the guy that can do everything against the sheer number of the police force and now the size of a pop star following. Wow! The power of the community he terrorized takes him down I guess.

So finally caught with the police called on him, the killer locks his family upstairs and tries to take the popstar hostage. She tries to play mental games with him by acting like his mother but it doesn't work. I hear this as a critique of her acting but I think it's find that she's a little bad at it because I don't think the average pop star would be good at going up against a serial killer. They open the garage door and GASP the family is blocking the escape, they got out by going down the tree next to the house. Unable to flee, he goes inside and starts doing the chores that needed doing. He's caught? Wait no, there's a secret exit and he somehow quickly dressed up like a police officer and drove off in the popstar's limo with her in it again. He handcuffs her and drives her through downtown to get to his safe house. But again, she manages to get out of the situation because she opens the window and begs for help so her fans surround the car. The police come, surround the car and shoot it except YES, he escaped AGAIN. This is like 5 minutes apart from the garage convo.

So we are back at his house where his wife is waiting and promptly 3 seconds after she is told she is safe here, he appears in the kitchen ranting about how he realizes she ratted him out and that's how they knew he was going to the concert. She begs him to finish their daughter's celebration pie together before he kills the both of them only to GASP realize she doped him with his own arsenal of sedatives. He's out! Sort of. He hears his mother and walk towards her excepts it was the profiler (she's an old lady with roughly similar features) and he gets tazed like, so many times. He's finally handcuffed but dang that OCD, he begs them to let him stand up his daughter's bike which????? They allow??????? Why??????.

And yes, we finally hit the final final end, he's in the heavily armored transport but he stole a spoke and uses it to uncuff himself, supposedly going to get out AGAIN.

Somewhere in this jumble of two puzzles mixed together there was good stories and good elements but I can only describe the plot as that one fanfic author who finishes the original premise of their opus fic only to try and start a new arc and fumble, ending arc 1 in 36 chapters and arc 2 in 4 which is also the end of the whole story. A good narrative that just didn't know how to end or if it should end.

The biggest fault of the movie is mistaking the story climax for does he get caught when it really was does he get out. The moment he made it out of the stadium it should have started to wrap up and instead it just kept going on. Like a half of the movies just kept going on.

And now a toast to all the dropped side plots; the image of his mom the butcher kept hallucinating, the butcher's MO, the popstar's struggles and why they were important to bring up, the daughter who apparently was on bad terms with her sort of friends, the sort of friend's mother aggressively trying to defend her daughter for being a bitch, any presence you were supposed to feel from the profiler, the set up to him using doping powder (how funny it is that he didn't just use it in the coffee scene because that's what I was suspecting), the whole point in learning a bunch about the killer's victims.

Still I think this movie is certainly consumable but idk why it just focused on the wrong things. People think it's the nepotism or something you should be mad at but I'm more upset that it went so beyond the scope of the concert. The constant perspective changes towards the end was hard. Of various guesses we also made, the mom who was the betrayer was made (which was right), the daughter exposing her own father, the mom/family all being killers, and that this was a part of the split universe (because holy shit he should not be escaping as much as he did) were all guessed.

Yeah that's it, it's a movie. It's a watchable movie and maybe even a good movie at points but it becomes frustrating at other ones. Hope this fufills someone's curiosity.