#Now I have another fear cool
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Probleme die die Welt bewegen, wirklich 👏/sarc
#Now I have another fear cool#to be clear#I'm not being mean Im not angry#I understand the view point of the person who made this#But people will be like “Oh you don't know what it's like being” naturally smart“” FIRST OF ALL#YOU'RE NOT “NATURALLY SMART” YOU HAVE A BIT ABOVE AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE#everyone's intelligence is natural dumbasses#ugh#god i hate when people act like hard work cancels out everything else#Because while for some things it does#If you can't comprehend something#Trying harder isn't gonna help you#You need a change of view there
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more rejuv things but its. its just this guy again, im sorry shes all i can draw
#everyday im like i wanna draw :] and then i just end up with this thing on the page#i refuse to draw hands holding. because i cannot and im too lazy to figure it out#oh yea a couple of these i havent posted before because theyre lame to me but ill put them here for now#anyways!!#i was gonna say something about a couple of these but i forgot#oh well#pokemon rejuvenation#does she. lose her ribbon in blacksteeple. i forgot#she still has it to me..#to me her c15 hair tie is a torn part of the ribbon#anyways again. yesterday i finally figured out what the rejuvrp is. very cool stuff im so incredibly intrigued by it#i have no idea whats going on! but it looks so cool ill try to read it more later.#oh right again about the rejuvrp thing. the character designs ive seen are so so so cool i want to draw them so bad#i think i have to ask about that first though and there is! no way i am going to do that!!! i do not want to bother them#and i think my heart would explode from the fear of it all before i even typed the message.#that and im very lazy! theres a very good chance i wouldnt even draw it in the first place#anyways unrelated but i think if i get another comment from someone on something i Will Actually Explode.#i see someone said something and it kills me on the daily. what is happening... thank you.. i appreciate it very much...#sorry to whoever read all of that. um. hi youre really cool and i hope you have a good day/night#i think being on twitter has done something to me i have to leave it immediately. anyways back to twitter#wait actually i should go back to playing rejuv. im still in the grove from when i first posted the gym leader melia au. im afraid to leave#also play pokemon rejuvenation no i will not stop saying that everytime i post one of these
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when the vibes have to be just right for your fernweh replay, so you spend hours on making collages instead of ...... actually reading
x / x
#idk why mothman is there it just felt right#fernweh saga spoilers#fernweh saga#if spoilers#at first I just wanted to make one that felt generally fernweh#but then I realized I need to get reacquainted w/ Rose#and now i'm tempted to make ANOTHER collage for her that's more fitting for her at the end of book 1#(like despite everything - it's still you- and despite everything - the horrors persist!! but at least you have a cool dagger sword i guess#oc: rose beckham#anyway feels good to finally be shaking off my reader's (?) block#time to be Totally Normal about R Verner again#these were actually so fun to make I fear I may have discovered a new rabbit hole
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.
#i was so happy today...#i got up so excited because it's sherlock & co day#because i get to listen to it while i work#when i finishe actual work i get to draw some cool fanart i'm planning#it was all so fucking great#and not even 3 hours later i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and pain in my chest...#remind me to never discuss my mental health with my mother never fucking again#i forgot about her WONDERFUL take of ''everyone is a little bit autistic''#and her AMAZING ''people shouldn't give name to the way people is'' (aka sexuality and how the brain works (aka being gay or being autistic#it's insane to think i come from this woman#now her FANTASTIC take that autism and adhd are diseases or illnesses#i just want to die#how the fuck could i ever possibly talk to this woman about my feelings or thoughts when this is what i'm up against#and yeah sure you could say ''educate her'' i can't! Everything i say#based on fact or sience or research or anything gets met with ''well that's your opinion. my opinion is the opposite''#and i never get to drill it into her brain that her OPINION doesn't fucking matter when there are FACTS!#she's the embodiment of the ''that's my oPiNiOn'' vine#and i fucking hate it here!!!#and maybe its true that people who say ''we're all a little bit autistic'' is because they actually ARE autistic. maybe that's true#but i fear she'll never believe it the same way she doesn't fucking believe ME#i hate this#i want to fucking die and never have to speak to another human ever again#fuck working happily while listening to sherlock & co am i right?#angel talks#personal
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Someone's tiny child drew a Something and they put it in their box saying the kid drew it for me. Which is cute, I guess. My mom did stuff like this when I was a small child who was obsessed with the arrival of mail. It's in the route's case to be immortalized forever.
Now to figure out how to read the drawing so I can find what I assume is treasure beyond my wildest imagination.
#girl if this isn't a treasure map i don't know what is#Lucas knows something i don't know. but he's three so he can't tell me in words.#i just have to interpret the drawing. somehow. at least it's color coded. that helps.#the back of the page says something about how he asks where the mail is every day#she wrote that he watches for my truck but they're in the woods so i know they can't see me approach#maybe she meant he listens for the truck. it's definitely loud enough to hear from a ways away.#whatever the case. little guy tried.#i always keep drawings from kids. even though i don't like kids. there's just something raw about what they draw.#no talent. no knowledge of fundamentals. but also no fear of being cringe or failing. just vibes.#i have so many things my brother and sister drew as little littles in a drawer with my art stuff and my sister wants me to toss it all#like. no dude. you drew a 'flower' when you were 4 and I'll have it until that paper crumbles to dust.#it's from a time before you could do anything to show you appreciate the people in your life in the same way you can now#a time when a shitty drawing was the best way to say 'hey. we're cool. i appreciate your presence'#i have one from my brother from when i broke up with my hogh school boyfriend that's a transformer (i think?)#and it says - in kid spelling - i hope you aren't so sad soon#like. he was 5 or 6 when he made that. guy didn't know what i was going through. he just wanted me to feel better.#something something humans find a way to communicate with one another despite language barriers and shit
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Doodle of my boy
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#fydd <3333333333#he is my bestie I need to get over my fear of drawing him so bad#grips bathroom sink I Will get better at drawing for fun and letting my art be messy and being proud of it anyways#but yeah look at him he is so cute and is so silly and he’s never gone through any traumatic events ever I would never#<- lying lier who lies and loves tormenting it’s ocs#but yeah he’s half alien half human but was raised entirely by his human mom#his alien mom is alas stuck in the cult the two met at rip#fydd doesn’t know abt any of that tho he just knows that he has another mom that his mom doesn’t like talking abt#he loves playing games of all kind but especially loves video games and will play them for hours#not that he has much else to do since he’s spent pretty much his entire life living by a garbage dump in the middle of nowhere#and he’s not allowed to go fuck around in the dump much since his mom doesn’t want him to be seen so he’s stuck at home most of the time#thankfully now he has an adopted sister to play with but he still has viddy game autism#his mom has done her best to introduce him to the various cultures she and his other mom came from but she struggles with it#she was quite disconnected from her own culture growing up and she knows limited amount about her girlfriends home planet#fydd doesn’t mind much rn cause he’s 12 but a certain other older fydd might care a smidge more#fydd does like 60% know both japanese and spanish tho so that’s pretty cool#his mom tried to do regular lessons when he was younger but wasn’t able to keep them up consistently and eventually gave up#mostly because she wasn’t anywhere near fluent in either herself and she had a hard time keeping up with how fast fydd would pick up on it#they still have some books from back then laying around that fydd will pick up and read aloud when he’s bored sometimes#he gets bored of speaking english all the time as his brain is built to pick apart different sounds and assign them linguistic meaning#so reading and speaking different languages is good enrichment for him#his mom doesn’t know this unfortunately otherwise she totally would have gotten him more stuff in different languages to chew on#he does get to learn the language the stalien cast speaks tho he has a lot of fun with that#he alas can’t properly experience most stalien video games though rip#I should rly get to redesigning his human mom again at some point she needs it sooo bad#I mean her whole squad needs it but she’s my favorite so like
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i hope u kno i think ur tf2posting is awesome because i am too scared to play it (pvp....) but really love tf2 anyway
AWW THANK YOU SO MUCH I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR GENUINELY!!!!!!<333 i love sharing honestly it feels so special...not to get sappy again but this is my first video game experience like that, since tf2 is the first like. multiplayer shooter i've ever played and it's just. so nice when someone teaches me how to do silly stuff like the "intel funny" or when i have the honor of participating in a server-wide dance party. it's just so!!! well. nice and really cool honestly :]
#ask#like. total strangers i may not stumble upon again are making my day better just because i think we just. like being nice to eachother#deep down kind of#as i said that thrusting sniper may not know how hard that made me laugh and the dude who said 'good job' to me also might not know how#special i felt but. well i feel all of that and i'll remember it. do you get me#love forever ok?#and honestly! i know some fears are hard to overcome i was definitely shaking when i joined into my first match but people are really ok#most of the time! and if they aren't honestly just hit the bricks! if i'm not having fun or see an asshole i usually que for another game#2fort i feel like is also super forgiving since people are kind of expecting silly players? but even on idk payload maps nobody gave me any#trouble for being a 50 minutes of playtime noob pyro. and you get better the longer you play like genuinely!#like with the whole spy thing. you start to get a feel for when someone is acting suspicious#recently i've also been unlearning going with the rocket launchers against pyros but that also took like. 5 reflected rocket deaths to#really stick. ok i'm rambling now but it can be a wonderful game :3#i know this all might sound silly but i started like. kind of genuinely playing games only last summer so discovering all of these new#things is just ahh!!! it's so cool!
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chat I'm gonna be 18 tomorrow😭
#I've been half watching gf all day#half working through practice papers for the exam literally the day after my birthday#so the existential-ness is only sinking in now#on one hand I'm happy: I've grown a lot as a person and it's nice to know I've made it another year#it's been really tough this year but I'm still here and possibly the best I've been in a while#being 18 also means I can drink😎 so that's cool#and I'll finally stop feeling guilty about reading smut and shit#but also there's lots of responsibilities that comes with growing older#and when I'm 18 I'll need my license soon (ik it's not necessary but it would definitely help with my future plans)#and I'll legally be and adult. in 4 years after this 1 I'll have to register to vote#I already have an ID but what about health insurance? taxes? a third thing?#not to mention I only recently stopped caring about antis in fandom spaces#I used to fear I'd get hate for certain f/os (namely zenitsu since I posted about him a lot and the hq characters have timeskip ages#which I could get away with) and even avoided f/oing certain characters like miya bc I was worried I'd be harassed#I'm lucky to have had any truly awful interactions but I'm always so worried it will happen someday#but I'm not scared of aging itself amymore#seeing sm older people in selfship spaces made me realise there's a future for me#my life is only beginning and I'm excited to see myself continue to grow#sorry for the sad sappy post🧍🏽I blame the hormones /lh#💘. rambles
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*minecraft damage noise every few seconds, i am dying of cold*
#ouaaggghh i hatee winterrr 😭 put me in your heatwave please ill thrive#all the work weve done for years to not be actively suicidal and winter comes along like lol but what if you did it though fr#wouldnt that be cool. wouldnt that be chill? if you if you if you died right now of cold exposure and loneliness? and lack of colours#thats how winters talk to me and it hits hard every fucgeen time. i want to die so bad rn (no i dont i just wish it wasnt cold)#.(i just wish it wasnt so cold.)#personal#hm im gonna order a burger and watch a zelda marathon and then not move any more today i think. maybe for til i have to groceries anyway#eugh. ouggh. aaagh. euughh. owch#its just some cold weather why am i still so bad at handling it. it makes me think of fears like when people say the cure t fear is exposure#but then ive experienced 26 years of nighthtimes and they never get less scary? i never have less fear? so riddle me that batman#thats how i feel about winter im not scared of it as sush but its like. why so much effect on me still after living through many winters#i know this will pass and i know i own an electric blanket but it always gets to this point#and it feels like ittl be forever one way or another. ill either die of cold or the cold will never end#anyway if u see this send me pics of animals you think look cozy. idc if theyre yours or from the internet idc#i wont respond bc im busy wanting to die but itd be a nice moment of comfort anyway
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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now heres the thing is my rule is i have to live on my own for a year before im allowed to get a pet but also consider what if i had a little friend .
#in my heart i want a wawa so badly it hurts but alsoooo i worry quite a bit bc like. i work full time... so el wawa would be at home alone a#lot and one thing about the beautiful adorable majestic chihuahua is they have to pee every 3-4 hours. so i would have to have some way to#let them out OR keep them outside while im at work but another thing is 1. apartments dont generally have backyards#2. chihuahuas get cold very easily .... i could do some ssort of doggy daycare but i fear that would be expensive .... and i hate pee pads#and would prefer not 2 use them so i dont rly have much optionn 😭 but i want a chihuahua so badly.#but ALSO. a kitty cat.... i love cats i think theyre really quite sweetsies and also i think they could handle living in an apartment bette#esp since famously cats use the bathroom indoors. u may know.#so... i could potentially get a kitty..... but also i dont want to get one until im absolutely positive i could take good care of it and i#feel like i could esp now that ive got a system that works so well 4 motivating me to do my daily tasks yk. and also i think if i had my ow#apartment id feel a lot safer just like. being up and around the apartment so thatd be good... but also pets r expensive. but also the apt#i just applied to is rly quite cheap (like 1050 a month) its income restricted but i qualify by like a lot LMAO... n this would be perfect#bc 1050 is likee. not even a full paycheck i could pay rent with 1 paycheck and still have like 150 left over and then my other paycheck fo#the month is fully mine... so i could save up lots#+ wsg is included in the rent whichhh is insane. adn the apartment is cute and Trust . alarm bells were going off a bit bc i was like maybe#this is too good to be true we all remember the 800$ scam incident. but its a verified listing and i checked the propertymanagers and theyr#legit... its even got a washer and dryer IN UNIT and also a fitness center which is good bc i wanna try n start doing more cardio...#IT EVEN HAS A FIREPLACE i dont particularly need a fireplace but its cool 2 have one i could make smores right in my very own living room#AND ITS NOT A STUDIO its a 1 br...#grahhh i rly rly rly want ittt ik i prolly wont get it but :[
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And you've held my hand the entire time
[Reblogs okay!]
Redraw of a vent piece I decided to spruce up + alt without tears:
#vessel for grief was the caption on the vent post and in light of some therapy stuff i wanted to really work with this concept again#this character means a lot to me and my healing process and I'm glad to be able to express this time and time again#also i know there's a toggle to shut off reblogs now but i wanna make it clear that this is cool to pass around if anyone wants#i have a lot of feelings around him and this is one i talk about sometimes but never really make full expressions of#i ummmm also have another version of this i debated on whether to post and it's identical to this except for like.#artistic nudity i guess? nothing is out there's just minor definition on his chest and no shoes but i may hold onto that is unless#someone asks otherwise lmao; anyways i guess this is canon to him in a sense considering his arc was centered around#fear of loss and how his fears come to fruition in the end; something like that anyways#hoatm draws#🦋 tag
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i do get making cas essentially human i understand that he can adjust to it and actually enjoy life like that. but um. i just think he can be just as fulfilled as a full blown angel
#human cas fics fuck severely they go hard#but i cant really vibe with cas like. just ''being human'' endgame#cos we already know no matter if he can fly no matter if he has grace he won't BE human that's an entirely different species ya dig#if the show was normal about non-human creatures being people as much as humans are#i probably wouldn't mind as much? but the show is very very sucky about that so#they scratch the surface on nonhumans being capable of like. fear and hopelessness and love.#and instead of really having salmondean explore this they just. forget about it and maybe the cycle restarts in another motw ep#ik it probably aligns with the overall copification of those 2 and it makes me so full of malice...#what im saying is cas is decidedly other. a creature an incredibly powerful one.#and i think it really shows that him not being human separates him from them. he's not as trusted#even after 12 years :/ it's kinda easy to oust him cos he keeps relationships with heaven.#which brings me to the whole ''oh fuck angels we hate angels oh but um not you cas!!'' thing like bro he's still an angel#you pick which monsters u find worthy of redemption but never fully accept them for what they are and discard em pretty easily#so yeah i think having cas be graceless is interesting and even makes sense but ig it just seems too easy on the winchesters#they never had to really accept cas as a full powered angel cos honestly they way they remember it#cas at full power wings in tact was just an asshole and he was barely ever back to that: comfortable in his prime after like s7 wtv#once it's all over and done with i think it'd be cool if cas could have all his wings and power in tact and just be at peace like that#he's an angel but he doesn't have to be a soldier anymore he can quite literally do anything now whole point of free will#and yeah he can choose to be graceless sure but he can never be human anyway. physically at his core he's something Else and i think#dean should have to like. live with that tbh#they never have to REALLY tackle the ''monsters are people too'' aspect and angel cas endgame would prove that regardless#he IS family. they dont NEED him to be an angel to USE him but regardless he is what he is and#they are fine with him not being human because he's family and they love him who cares what you are.#cos in cas' mind he needs his power to be useful but also he cannot truly be part of them while he is noticeably Other due to their bias#this is true for other characters obviously jack rowena crowley#sam's whole thing with benny 💀#but this is a cas post and i haven't watched the show in years so this isn't like. a cited essay lmao just ramblings#in short i just want cas to be fully angel while not feeling he HAS to be for others' sake and have the brothers be genuinely cool with it#cas my best friend cas#cas studies
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ok but what are ur thoughts on shishiba
tldr: yes
my word vomit answer?: he's my favorite order character, that man just oozes coolness. some of his quotes are so iconic ('i don't wanna have to think too much?' mood. 'the idea that we should give maniacs guns is old-fashioned.' okay pop off our hammer-wielding king. and him comparing assassin work to housework sent me. a true professional) and his latest design change also makes him look more cool. and i absolutely live for his dynamic w osaragi and nagumo. dying to see him and osaragi be more badass together
#hoping w the latest fights we're gonna see them kick ass i can sense the foreshadowing w them against another duo#i also feel like in the beginning i was like hm okay i don't vibe w the dude but imo his character got a major upgrade w development#was re-reading the manga and the beginning of it is quite diff to where we're currently at but for the better#what he did when he was first introduced is SO DIFFERENT from how i think he's currently portrayed e.g. his thoughts on killing#and civilian life involvement#no but fr i love shishiba. his vol cover is so cool too#honestly all the sakaday characters have so much drip#the drippiest fr they fight IN STYLE#i fear someone will d word in the exhibition arc but we're not gonna think about that now nope N O P E#Sakamoto days spoilers#i love this series sm w my heart ngl it's so fun to read#but im a fan of action flicks and the john wick series so are we surprised nope#ik it's joked about#but yes sakamoto days is basically a fanfic prompt among the lines of 'how would john wick be if his wife didn't die' lmao and i love it
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aight peace out y'all I have no energy left and I'm done the movie. So much for a restful experience after a long day. All I wanted was something fun to watch while folding laundry but apparently this was not the movie to watch for that. I should've just stuck with Rebels
#i kept going out of sheer rage and it is now half past two so i DO need to hit the hay xD#tomorrow i shall wake up and regret losing my temper so many times#but i take comfort i knowing that the level of vitriol expressed in these posts comes nowhere near kylo ren's level of RAAAAAAGE#i get scared quite easily irl even by sudden noises and movements but i think my body's stress reactions and impulses have adapted#to kylo ren's screams of fury. to the point where if a grown man were to kick up such a fuss in my face now i'd be as cool as a cucumber#contemptuous even#i was TERRIFIED of kylo for half the film and spent the other half so angry and indignant on behalf of the people he yelled at#i don't know if i can handle the last movie this one was unlike any viewing experience i've had in a while#i have been spoiled for many things so yes i know that there is Redemption yes i know there is Good Stuff i know there is Good in kylo#yes i know there's as much fluff pointless meandering and terrible lines in the next one as there was in this one#but life is short and this movie just took 2.5 hours out of my life so i Think Not#and i Know that y'all who watched tros and loved it (at least loved the ben/rey parts of it) love ben too#however i haven't the energy to endure another 2.5+ hour star wars movie without any of the original stuff's magic and wonder and fun#and the tlj kylo ren literally ticks all the boxes on my Men You Ought To Avoid At All Costs list#ticks 'em twice crosses out the lines and scribbles all over it in a sudden wild frenzy of fear apprehension and reproach#characterization is all over the place the plot is like riding a dollar store plastic toboggan down mt olympus backwards blindfolded#and handcuffed to a rabid horse's hind leg#tlj liveblog
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it is saturday and I am but a simple highschooler and I am so so tired and it is literally 12:15pm and I want to just sit here and eat my banana pudding
#failing to control those emotions I mentioned earlier I am so angry and sick and frustrated#fuck the world why is fandom so complicated#I keep thinking abt shit I've heard and shit I've somewhat experience and I want to scream into a pillow for four hours#engaging in interests always makes me half regret it bc of all the shit I have to hear abt because of fandom.#I don't regret joining any of the fandoms because of the INCREDIBLE and AWESOME people and friends I get to meet because of it#but stuff also is bad and annoying sometimes#I am starting to understand why most people refuse to engage and interact with other people in fandoms. its because#you slowly learn of all the drama and then you end up feeling like you're being pulled on by either end#it feels like I'm constantly the rope in a game of tug of war when it comes to most fandom spaces. like this experience happens too often#because ohhh you have this one side who believes this and another who believes that#AND SOMETIMES I MAKE STUPID POSTS OR COMMENTS THAT I GET REMINDED OF A BUNCH AND I WANT TO CRY.#I'm literally a fucking kid dammit I am not trying to change the world or anyhthing I just have opinions and I say them and sometimes#I speak before I think and sometimes I'm wrong and that is something that happens. not all of my opionions are solid locked in constantly#and SOMETIMES people who I think are cool turn out to be LESS COOL and SOMETIMES I feel like I say or do things that ruin my friends'-#-fandom experience and I fear they secretly hate me#okay that's it rant's over now
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